Urban Tymes Oct Issue Featuring Will Downing

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iss m u o y Did h ’s t n o m t las issue?

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Magazine‌ is the publication that celebrates the diversity and talent that surrounds us daily from a positive perspective.

Featuring the best of the best via the arts,entertainment, luxury, lifestyle of professionals and more. Reaching various consumers across the country and overseas, our editorial content, promotion, and brand extensions communicate this ideal to the masses.

For interviews, advertising or additional questions or comments: magazine@urbantmedia.com or urbantymes@hotmail.com

U.S. & Internationally Loved!

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Will Downing The reigning King of R&B ballads shares with us his latest project: Black Pearls, & and his rich history in music!

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Guest Editor Kisha Green

Contributing Writers: Shakeema Bouyer Felice Hightower Kisha Green Jeremiah Holt CWspeaks Antiq Hawk: GVS

INSIDE

THIS MONTH

ESSENTIALS

Photo Credits Angela Moore Photography Nementus Visionary Creative Group J aka Julio

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10 Business Let’s Talk PR w/Shakeema

Bouyer: PR with LillieMae

16 Life & Health Felice Hightower How to Stay Motivated on Your Personal Goals

URBANITY Literature 29 The “5” Spot

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Society 30 Domestic Violence Survivors Speak!

Kisha Green talks with several amazing women that share their story with us on surviving

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Fashion & Style 42 Fall Skin Care For Men

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Food & Wine 52 Chef Mona We talk to the International Celeb Chef that brings a unique flair to the culinary world!

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Mz. Honey Dip

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ESSENTIALS

:BUSINESS

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Let’s Talk PR is a monthly segment on This Needs to be Said Radio. I am very excited to be able to share the interviews with the readers of Urban Tymes Magazine. This month I spoke with Lillie Mae, founder of Lillie Mae PR and the Glambitious Network – an association for professional women that hosts power calls, webinars and other resources for women in business. She is also the author of e-books The PR Code and Glambitious: How to Live Vicariously Through Yourself.

Lillie Mae PR focuses on helping small businesses attain their brand goals and receive press placements.

This month we are talking branding … how to establish and expand your brand as a publicist and business owner.

Lillie Mae

with

Keema: How did you decide what your area of expertise when you were crafting Lillie Mae PR? Lillie Mae: At the time, I based it on what my interests were at that time. Seven years ago I was really in to the entertainment industry because I had done internships at Atlantic Records, Motown Records so coming off of those internships my interests were in the music and entertainment industries. Most of my clients were entertainers and TV personalities. As my interests have evolved, so did my business. At this point in time, I have a keen interest in working with other business owners. So many of the services and most of my clients are business owners versus entertainers.

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I would suggest that to anyone that is in PR – start with what your interest is. If it’s fashion, do Fashion PR. If it’s entertainment, do entertainment and so forth.

K: I agree. What your interest is, is where you are going to be most successful.

With your brands, Lillie Mae PR and Glambitious network, how did you decide that Glambitious was going to be your next step in building your brand?

LM: It was kind of a natural evolution.

Through my agency I would host events for clients and things of that nature. It really started as a nonprofit effort to bring women together and we give back in some way, we have dialogue and empowerment.

It grew so much that it evolved into a Glambitious Network for entrepreneurs.

Because I am a female in business, I understand the struggle that female entrepreneurs go through, the Glambitious Network was a natural next step. I’ve been through and I know exactly what services I wish I would have seven years ago when I created my business … now I create those opportunities for other women in business.

K: In regards to writing your books and creating the design side, was that some that as well?

LM: Absolutely. With the book, I figured I could reach more people by some of that insight into a book. Some of the skills that I have honed over the years have been a result of not having the resources or

having the budget to hire a staff to do x-y- that you feel important with creating brand awareness or is it just using 1 or 2 and z so let me learn it. making the most of those.

I don’t necessarily advise people to learn LM: It depends really on your business. If you have a boutique, Instagram is going it all but I do feel you should learn a little to be best because you get to show the bit about every facet of your business.

Obviously in PR we need graphic design clothes. If you’re in public relations I would say Instagram and Periscope befor ourselves and clients so publicists cause you get to engage one on one. For should know a bit about designing. most people, I would say Instagram and Periscope are my top two to engage and K: With all of the things that you do, how increase brand visibility. do you manage it all?

K: When it comes to business owners LM: I always tell people that anything that who what to expand – what is your take you do it should definitely come from your on how business owners should expand passion. I believe that with everything that their products, services and brand offerI do it is rooted in my passion so I am able ings? Should it based on still their interto balance it all – or it makes it a little eas- ests or should there be some compatibility ier. What may appear as a heavy workto their current brand? load to someone else, I actually enjoy the LM: It’s really important to start off maswork so its not so bad. I always make tering one area. By mastery it means to sure that I make time for friends and fami- be the best it, make sure the brand aply and time for myself. My natural disposi- pearance is on point, the business is tion is one that enjoys working but I also booming … for lack of better term “popenjoy leisure so I am sure to get the work ping” before you expand into other areas done and schedule in time for myself. because it can create brand confusion if K: For our business owners out there, you expand into other areas before you’ve who aren’t publicist, but they want to learn mastered the starting area. Make sure how to create awareness for their brand, your core is doing very well and then try what is one step that they can take to into make sense of what your new services crease their brand awareness? are. It should all make sense.

LM: I think social media would be the K: I always feel like a name should give easiest and quickest way to generate ex- room to expand into services without creposure for your brand. With social media ating that brand confusion. For example, you have full control – like with Instagram a hair gallery that now sells clothes but you can find people who are needing your their name still says Whatever Hair. services, follow them and engage with What’s your opinion on some of the key them. I’ve gotten a ton of business off of brand elements on naming business and just Instagram so I know that there is val- creating social media pages, because ue in it. they don’t want to keep changing that eiAlso, get out in your city, go to events and ther? What things do you think a business meet people. Get out the old fashioned owner should consider before starting the way to meet people and follow up with business and planning for the future? those people.

Create a newsletter so people can continue to see your business news and servic- LM: I do think that when you are consides that you offer. People need to be ering naming your business that you introduced to your brand in multiple ways. should take a second to think about the K: When it comes to social media, are future and what you want it to grow into there social media are there platforms

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before you name it. Think about your interest and where you want to go so that one name can be the umbrella of all of those things and not be confusing. You should have brand name that is all encompassing and make sense for all of the things that you want to do.

Make sure that all of your social media names are the same …keep it consistent.

Don’t have a lot of underscores, dashes, weird characters … you can lose people along the way if you make it too difficult.

With social media keep it simple and think ahead to what you want your brand to evolve into.

K: What is one piece of advice you would give to an aspiring publicist?

LM: I would say to just hone your craft as much as you can. Subscribe to PR newsletters and PR websites that educate you on the industry. Take a writing course to make sure that your writing is up to par and you can craft a press release. Just the basic facets of PR ... make sure you’ve mastered those so that people can take you seriously.

As publicists, we are communicators so everything related to our communication should be sharp. In our emails we should greet people, we should properly communicate and put together a paragraph. Our social media presence should be clean. Our logos should be crisp. Our designs should be A-1.

It’s ok to do things yourself but sometimes you have to pay someone if you haven’t mastered a particular area.

Follow Lillie Mae and connect All social media: @lilliemaepr Glambitious Network Website: www.glambitiousiam.com Instagram: @glambitiousiam

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Keema Bouyer is the founder of The Queen's English PR (www.queensenglishpr.com ). The Charlotte, NC based agency specializes in branding and public relations for Beauty and Lifestyle Brands and Non-Profit Organizations. Let’s Talk PR airs every 2nd Wednesday at 2:30pm EST on This Needs to Be Said (www.blogtalkradio.com/thisneedstobesa id).

Follow Keema Bouyer on Social Media Instagram, Twitter & Periscope: @queensenglishpr Request a consultation info@queensenglishpr.com

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Life & Health

ESSENTIALS

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How To Stay Motivated On Your Personal Goals Felice Hightower Do you find yourself struggling to stay motivated after setting a personal goal for yourself? Do you wonder what happened to all that inspiration, optimism, enthusiasm and excitement, when you finally decided to move ahead with your goal? It can be either a short lived and fleeting moment or a forever journey between starting on a goal and then actually achieving your goal.

become overwhelming and discourage you from doing anything. But, simply chew and you will get closer to achieving your goal.

4. Get an accountability partner or join a group that shares your interest. You are able to stay motivated when you know you're not alone and you have to check in with someone who is expecting you to stay on task.

5. Get organized. Get organized means putting measures in place that will help ensure your success. For example, if eating healthier is a goal for you then making a weekly menu along with meal prepping is a way for you to organize and stay on track.

6. Visualize yourself achieving your goals.

Take some time to see yourself at the finish line. Envision yourself 25 pounds lighter or in your new career.

7. Keep track of your progress and make necessary changes. Keeping track of your progress helps you to chart how things are going and if you need to make adjustments.

I struggle with staying motivated myself and believe that many of us do depending upon the 8. Post motivational quotes around your house, goal to be achieved. But, I have had to self-reflect and examine what has helped me in work place or car. Inspire and motivate yourself by any means necessary. achieving a lot of my goals in the past and those as I move forward.

Motivation is that magic ingredient that helps us not only achieve our goals but stay focused and not quit when your faced with the reality of the work it's going to take to get to the finish line or when it seems impossible. Here are some tips I believe will help you stay motivated in your personal goals.

1. Discover your "why". Why do you want to lose weight? Is it so you can live a long and healthy life for yourself and loved ones?

Identify your why and you can stay focused.

2. Make SMART goals. SMART stands for specific, measurable, attainable, realistic, and timely. SMART goals helps to give your goals more structure and clarity.

3. Chew. Chew simply means to take one step at a time. Looking at the entire vision/goal can 17/ Urban Tymes Magazine

9. Forgive yourself for a slip and get back up.

Remember that there will be highs and lows in achieving your goals and you may lose focus but don't get discouraged and throw in the towel. Repent and get back on track.

10. Stay positive! No matter what! You have to believe in yourself and in your ability to achieve what you set out to do. Staying positive will bring about the your desired outcome.

Stay Encouraged!

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ESSENTIALS:

MONEY

Are You Familiar With Fiduciary?

Jeremiah Holt

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In everyone’s life there is a time where there is a need to ask for help, especially when it deals in regards to the care of a loved one. It may be a family elder who’s need for care and the costs for that care are complex and many, or a loved one who is a special needs individual that requires a different measure of care than the typical day-to-day expenses and time that you are used to doing. There are many qualified companies who perform this service, and the courts will use these persons to oversee these

Fiduciary 1) n. from the Latin fiducia, meaning "trust," a person (or a business like a bank or stock brokerage) who has the power and obligation to act for another (often called the beneficiary) under circumstances which require total trust, good faith and honesty.

The most common is a trustee of a trust, but fiduciaries can include business advisers, attorneys, guardians, administrators of estates, real estate agents, bankers, stockbrokers, title companies or anyone who undertakes to assist someone who places complete confidence and trust in that person or company.

Characteristically, the fiduciary has greater knowledge and expertise about the matters being handled. A fiduciary is held to a standard of conduct and trust above that of a stranger or of a casual business person. He/she/it must avoid "selfdealing" or "conflicts of interests" in which the potential benefit to the fiduciary is in conflict with what is

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best for the person who trusts him/her/it. For example, a stock broker must consider the best investment for the client and not buy or sell on the basis of what brings him/her the highest commission.

While a fiduciary and the beneficiary may join together in a business venture or a purchase of property, the best interest of the beneficiary must be primary, and absolute candor is required of the fiduciary. 2) adj. defining a situation or relationship in which a person is acting as a fiduciary for another.

Copyright © 1981-2005 by Gerald N. Hill and Kathleen T. Hill. All Rights Reserved.

Another factor to consider is when you have multiple parties within your family who have their own ideas as to how to address these concerns, some of them may be noble…and well some you just have to pray a bit more for. When these times do occur, sometimes it is best to take a step back and let someone help with managing this type of burden. The people who get paid to do such a job are called Fiduciaries. A Fiduciary, or a more familiar term would be a trustee or executor is hired to ensure that the property and assets of assigned estate are managed in an ethical and responsible manner. Each state may have different regulations regarding the usage of a fiduciary company, so it would be advisable to check with your respective state’s laws. The main goal is to ensure the best possible care of the loved one in question, and using an outside agency may be the best way to ensure that care and the

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Photographer

J_ AKA_ Julio http://twitter.com/ J_aka_Julio

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Your StyleGame

“L”VATED

3010 Monroe Rd Charlotte NC 28205 www.thehouseoflemond.bigcartel.com

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WWW.ELIAHSOUL.COM

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THE These are some buzz worthy books! Each month I will feature 5 books (1 will always be a nonfiction plus one children's book) so it will be a total of 6 books monthly.

1.The Vacation by Silk White 2.Diamonds & Pearls by K'wan 3.Don't Shoot by Schuyler Antonio 4.Counterfeit Dreams by Sasha Ravae 5.The Package Deal 2 by KSherrie *Children's Pick* Ghosts

by Raina Telgemeier

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5 TOP

URBANITY

Domestic Violence is the willful intimidation, physical assault, battery, sexual assault, and/or other abusive behavior as part of a systematic pattern of power and control perpetrated by one intimate partner against another. It includes physical violence, sexual violence, psychological violence, and emotional abuse. The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary dramatically; however, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other.

Domestic violence is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community, regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality. It is often accompanied by emotionally abusive and controlling behavior that is only a fraction of a systematic pattern of dominance and control. Domestic violence can result in physical injury, psychological trauma, and in severe cases, even death. The devastating physical, emotional, and psychological consequences of domestic violence can cross generations and last a lifetime. This information was provided from the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.

You will read some testimonies from some strong women. Their stories will break your heard but do not think this is another article on these women being victims, I am spotlighting to show you the faces of what strong black women look like. They come in all shapes and sizes and they turned their tragic life events into strengths. Here are their stories in their words.

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Kisha Green

Stacey’s

Story and protect me, violate in the worst ways possible.

After being released from the handcuffs I was told to get out and if I did not leave they would kill me. I was scared and did not want to die so I fled to another family member's home, where I was sexually abused at 15 and my virginity was taken that very year. The Hello! My name is Stacey and I abuse went on for three years. am a 46-year-old woman who I knew what was happening to was a victim of abuse since the me was wrong but I could do age of 15. I remember coming nothing to stop it. home from school one day and a family member being mad I suffered from low self-esteem about something unbeknownst but knew the only way this to me and handcuffed me and would stop would only be if I beat me with an extension stood up to him. I was very cord, hanger, and a broom. confused as to why would people who were supposed to love 31/ Urban Tymes Magazine

Feeling alone and wanting an escape I started smoking weed and later graduated to cocaine and by 18, I was a teen mother. I dropped out of school and started prostituting myself to provide a roof over my head and food on the table. Many years later I enrolled into EMT school trying to better myself and making promises to God that if I completed school I would no longer have to sell my body. After graduation, I started a new chapter in my life and gave my life to Christ and began attending church and have been an active member for 18+ years where I was taught that if you don't forgive those who hurt you, they will forever have a strong hold over your life and if you don't forgive then God won't forgive you.

This was easier said than done I will admit but I was finally able to forgive those who had hurt me and finally realized it was not my fault for what happened. I also learned that I am a walking testimony. I am also starring in a play sharing my story with hopes it can inspire others who are feeling what I was feeling. I am also planning to write a book as well as do some speaking engagements and I am finally going back to school to get my high school diploma and I am giving all honor and glory to God!

Story I was a victim of domestic violence in the forms of verbal, mental, emotional and physical abuse. I endured the verbal abuse from the one person who I always thought was supposed to protect me, the one who helped give me life, my dad. Growing up I was told that I couldn’t make it as an author, I didn’t have the talent to be a great writer and that no one would ever buy my books. I never understood how a parent could be so negative to their own child and crush their dreams and aspirations. I endured mental abuse from him as well, from him telling me that I’m not a good mother to my children, I don’t do anything for my children, especially my daughter who has a physical disability and I’m the only parent that my children have. It’s disheartening, it’s hurtful, it’s downright mean and not to mention a complete lie.

The emotional and physical abuse I’ve endured over the past nine years have come from guys I was in relationships with. One guy had very low self-esteem and he felt like a real man whenever he put his hands on me. I suffered two miscarriages due to the abuse he inflicted on me, the physical abuse only lasted but so long but the heartache of knowingly losing two children at the hand of the guy who helped you create them.

Then, I was in an on again off again relationship with one guy who is ten years older and he’s the first guy I honestly loved, he hurt me to the core by getting married two days after I gave birth to 32/ Urban Tymes Magazine

our daughter, seven years later and it still hurts me.

Forgiveness is the first step in getting through any form of abuse, not forgiving those who have hurt you allows them to live rent-free in your head and it’s only affecting you in the long run. I have learned to give God my problems and allow him to deal with them in His way and in His time.

At the age of 18, I was raped. My rapist stole my virginity. After what happened to me I stopped believing in God because I was raped at a church. I lost all faith in humanity. I tried to commit suicide numerous time and I also fell into a deep depression.

My first real relationship was at the age of 20 and in that relationship, I endured physical, mental and verbal abuse by my then 34-year-old boyfriend. He tortured me and did anything he wanted to me and my body. He made me things to him which often left me feeling dirty and believing love should hurt if it was real.

All three situations still haunt me, but day by day I forgive myself and the situation a little more. Being surrounded by people who love and understand you helps the process. I no longer view myself as a victim but a survivor.

Between the ages of nine and ten I was molested by a family member. My first sexual experience and although I knew it was wrong, I was also afraid to speak out. Growing up I was confused as to whether I liked men or women. It still haunts me to this day but I'm coping with it better.

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Anne's Story

I met him when I was six years old. I remember during our introduction, I sensed he wasn't. the hairs standing up on the back of my neck when he walked inside of the apartment. I was instantly scared and didn't know why. Funny thing is, prior to his arrival, I was excited that he was coming. I was going to meet my brother for the first time ever. He is my half-brother. We have different fathers. Born and raised in Antigua, he finally made it to America for the first time. My mom wanted to start her life over and couldn't take him with her. She wanted stability for him. Seven years later, he is being introduced to his new home that included our aunt, a stepfather, and his baby sister, that's me.

I was six at the time. My brother and I are six years apart. Although he appeared to be nice

Also, he wasn’t what I expected. Something wasn't right. I was hoping for a tall, loving, and friendly brother. I was hoping we would have that brotherly/sisterly bond that would make other kids jealous. I wanted that bond because I was tired of always being the only child, the one who was alone. Little did I know I was about to experience something totally different? He was shorter, he tried being loving, but somehow I knew it was fake. He wasn't friendly at all. He would smile wide but it never reached his eyes, so I knew that was fake too. Something was telling me I had to watch my back and stay out of his way. I just didn't know why or how.

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My Brother only lived with us for two years. ple of months, only telling my best friend at However, he made those two years hard on my mother and I. During those two years I was mentally, physically, and sexually abused. No one had a clue. Until one day our 16-year-old aunt caught him beating me up with a broomstick. I was beaten to the point that I had to be taken to the ER for an asthma attack. No one ever caught him sexually or mentally abusing me. No one knew I silently lived in fear. My parents didn't even notice that I grew quieter or that I followed them around the apartment like a shadow. I never wanted to be alone. Even his dirty stares had an effect on me. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night to find him sitting on the floor near my bed, staring at me angrily. I would clutch my doll and stare back, trying to hold my breath until he got up and went back to bed.

I never told a soul about all the torture he put me through, the mean things he would say, the hitting or pushing he did. He threatened he would hurt our mother and me if I ever told. I believed him. I don't remember everything about those two years. In fact, I forgot it after he left our home. I forgot all about the various incidents and the duration of time he lived with us. All I remember was the fact I was terrified of my brother. I couldn't remember why but I remained out of his way as time went on. Visitations, holidays, and weekends all felt uncomfortable with him. Until I started having flashbacks when I was sixteen. I thought something was seriously wrong with me to dream about my brother in such a way. I would be in school and a flash of a memory would pop up.

One day it was too much to handle and I ended up running out of class. After suffering from dreams and flashbacks for a cou-

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the time. Then one day my brother confirmed them to be true. He admitted it while laughing and smirking without an apology. I remember walking home in tears thinking how I would never be the same again. I can now look back and believe that day was the beginning of my journey.

A new Farrah was going to emerge and she had a story to tell. I wish I could tell you some extraordinary outcome came out of my childhood abuse. I wish I could tell you that I got my justice or that when the silence broke things became better for me. I wish I can tell you about a happy ending that helped healed me. The truth is, I had to search for my own healing, closure, and justice. Prayers and support from the outside helped me. I’m still on my journey and I am not sure where it is leading me but I know God is in control.

This testimony has had to be the hardest thing I have ever had to write, the fact that I knew people were going to read this almost stopped me. I have written my truth in different creative ways but never directly with the intentions of others reading it. This is my truth; my testimony was a traumatic experience that has altered me. I've been trying to accept it, trying to find peace in it, but there has been a fight in trying to do so.

I've realized that I will never accept this horrendous act of violation. I will never find peace in something that was and is ugly.

But I will accept that I am a survivor and I will have peace in knowing this will never destroy me. I don't choose to live in the past, I will always keep moving forward. My life story has a lot of messages, this is only one of them and I have more to embark on.

I will keep going until I reach the end. May God be with me through it all.

Karen’s STORY I remember when I was six years. My mother decided to let my sisters, brothers and myself, spend the night at my little sister’s grandmother’s house.

There was a man there whom everyone knew and was happy about seeing him, except for me. He had a strange vibe coming from him. He kept staring at me and it made me feel weird. I was tapping my mother on the arm but she was too engaged in conversation to even notice me. So I decided to go outside to play with the other kids. We were in the street playing baseball when my mom and her husband came outside to leave. She told us, children, that it was time to come inside. Once inside, he immediately started staring at me again. No one noticed it but me. Time went on and it was now time for bed. My sister’s grandmother made us a pallet on the floor and he was supposed to be sleeping on the couch, in the same room. Everyone fell asleep, including me. I guess I was tired. But I was awakened by him scooping me up off the floor and taking me into the bathroom. He closed the lid on the toilet and sat me there. He took off my nightgown and removed my underwear. Once my underwear was removed he started touching me inappropriately . He tried to put his finger inside me and I started crying. He put his hand over my mouth so the cries wouldn't escape. He said , “If you don’t stop all this crying I’m going to hurt you.” I did as he said. He took me from where I was sitting and laid me on the floor. He unzipped his pants while still touching me. He released his manhood and at six years old, was the biggest thing I’d ever seen. He lifted his body over me and started rubbing it in my face. He smelled so bad he literally made vomit.

At that moment he gave me the meanest look I had ever seen. He snatched me up off the floor, threw my underwear and gown back on and pushed me out of the bathroom.

I was so relieved and still scared. By the time he came out of the bathroom, I was laying back down on the pallet. He walked over to me and said, “If you ever tell anybody about what happened, I will kill you.” I was afraid for my life so I never told a soul. I almost forgot completely about this until a couple of years ago.

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Fast forward to the year 1990. I was fourteen years old. We lived in the projects where the candy lady lived around the corner from us.

While home from school, sick, my mother asked me to walk to the candy lady’s house to buy her a pack of cigarettes. While on my way there, I noticed a group of guys standing in front of a house. I knew one of them but we weren't on a social level so I didn't speak.

They were saying, “Hey Redd!”, as I walked by but I didn't speak back. I just kept walking. On my way back, I noticed they were still standing outside but they were spread out. It was four of them. One was standing on the porch. One was standing by a car in the driveway and the other two were closer to the street where I was walking. They saw me and continued to yell my name and I continued to ignore them. As soon as I got close enough to them, the two standing close to the street came out into the street and blocked me. The two that were standing in the yard came out and stood behind me. Once they were in position, the one standing on the porch yelled, “Grab her!” They did. They grabbed me by my hands and legs and carried me into the house. When they got me in the house they carried me upstairs to a bedroom where they took turns raping me.

When the last one was done he looked at me and told me to help him clean up his mother’s house. By this time, the other three were gone.

Can you imagine how I was feeling? To be raped and then told to help clean up the mess? If he thought I was going to help him clean up he had another thought coming. I waited until he turned his back and bolted out of there as fast as I could. I didn't stop running until I was home. When I made it home my mom was gone but my cousin was there. I couldn't hold it in. I told him everything that happened. He was so mad he ran out of the house in search of all four guys but only found the last one at his house. It was about an hour and a half later that my mom came home and was filled in on the details. She walked me back around to his house where his mother was with him waiting. She begged and pleaded with my mom not to press charges because she didn't want her son to go to jail.

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Guess what? My mom did not press charges and I was told to get over it.

Let's fast forward once more to the year 1997.

I was twenty years and in love. I had found the man of my dreams. He was doing things for me that no one had ever done. He was taking me out of town. He was wining and dining me.

He’d bought himself a brand new car but I was the one driving it. We were so in love we didn't want to be apart so we had got an apartment together. Life was great. I didn't want for anything. Not too long after moving in together, his true colors started showing. We were on our way to the mall one afternoon and I thought we were simply having a minor disagreement. Apparently to him, it was so major that he decided to slap me while he was driving. He slapped me so hard, my face immediately began swelling. He noticed the swelling and took me back home and went to the mall by himself.

Another incident took place while we were visiting my twin sister. We had just sat down on the couch when her home phone rang. The person on the other end asked for me. It was a relative who hadn't spoken to me in a while and I was glad to have heard from him. When the conversation ended, I sat back down on the couch next to the love of my life. He put one arm around me and the other in between us. The hand between us was on my thigh and was pinching me. As he was pinching me, he was asking who was on the phone. He refused to believe that it was my cousin. He was so smooth at what he was doing, no one noticed.

When we got home it was so much worse. He locked me in the bathroom and told me I could come out when I was ready, to tell the truth. It was several hours later when he realized I was telling the truth and finally let me out. I should have left the first time he slapped me but I was in love.

It wasn't until he beat me up so bad that both my eyes were swollen shut that I finally decided this relationship had to end.. When he came in that night I was already in bed. He climbed in beside me and started to rub my back. As soon as I turned over he began

punching me in my face. As he was punching each in my face he was yelling and screaming. I couldn't hear anything because of the pain. It wasn't until he stopped to take a break when I realized what he was saying.

“Who were you with Redd? I already know.

Just tell me the truth.” I had no idea what or who he was talking about. I repeatedly said, “I don’t know what you're talking about.” He went for my face again. This time after hitting me he locked me up in the bedroom. He had taken the home phone and his cell phone but mistakenly left mine in the room with me. I called for my aunt to come pick me up. My only problem now is getting out of the bedroom. I started praying, “Lord if you get me out of this, I promise to never come back.” At that moment I noticed a small light on the bedroom window. I went over to the window and pulled on it. It opened. That window never opened. It was nailed shut. I knew this was all God. I climbed out the window and as soon as I ran to the front of the apartment, my aunt was pulling up. I had never run that fast in my life. Somehow, he saw me. As I was getting in the car I felt it pull as I was trying to close it. My aunt was screaming for me to get in but he had me by my hair and was continuing to hit me in the face. My aunt grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me in and pulled off. She drove me straight to the police department where I was photographed and I pressed charges. I kept my promise to God. I never went back.

I’ve gone through some terrible things in my life and these are not even a third of them.

But with God and sheer determination, I did not let them break me or define me. I write or tell about them whenever I'm asked to. I know that by doing this it helps other women.

I don't mind sharing my story because it helps me heal and gives me the will to keep on living. It also shows my abuser that they did not break me.

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KENNI’s STORY

Every girl wants to be the apple of her father’s eye growing up; his princess. I wasn’t any different from other little girls initially even though for majority of my young life I didn’t really know my father. It wasn’t until I was in middle school and decided that I no longer wanted to live with my mother that I began to really form some type of a relationship with him. Essentially, I moved from Atlanta, GA to Sanford, Florida to live with a man and an extended family that I barely knew. I had no idea what kind of secrets and turmoil lingered between the walls of the place I was so eager to call home.

But it didn’t take long for reality to hit me hard.

I remember the night my father called me into his room, asking me to get candy for him. It wasn’t an unusual request, I’d done it many times before. But this night was different.

On this night after giving him the candy as he laid in bed next to my stepmother with her back turned to us, I remember looking up at his television screen inquiring as to why he was watching an old black and white movie. As he began to nonchalantly explain how the movie was a classic, I felt his hand travel up the backside of my leg, slide up the leg of my pastel pink night shorts, slip through my undies, and then touch my vagina. It was like an out of body experience as I stood rooted to the spot, in pure shock of what was happening to me. With his free hand, he then reached for my right hand to try to get me to stroke his erection causing me to finally bolt out of the door.

I shared this incident that night with my step-sister who informed me that she would stand with me if I wanted to speak out because the same thing had happened to her. She quickly dressed it up by saying that it wasn’t my father, however less than half a year later I discovered that he had in fact been raping her for years resulting in the birth of the child that I once thought was my 39/ Urban Tymes Magazine

niece who turned out to be my little sister. While living with my father I remember going to bed each night in fear, afraid that I would wake up to find him lifting up my nightgown once again or rubbing on me inappropriately. He would constantly make lewd statements like “Let me give you a medical exam” or ask questions like “Do you want me to get you a vibrator? Are those pimples getting some bumps or needing some bumps?” He would do perverted things such as force me to bath as he watched or take off my clothes so that he could then beat me with a fraternity paddle. During it all, he never missed an opportunity to tell me that no one would believe my allegations; that I would end up in foster care because my mother didn’t want me. He tried to guilt me into remaining silent and coupled his sexual and physical abuse with emotional abuse by telling me and anyone who would listen how stupid I was; that I would never be anything and no one would ever want me.

For years I carried those statements and memories with me, often times believing that

they were true. All of my relationships; romantic, platonic, or familial—have been affected by the abuse I suffered at the hands of my father, the one person who was supposed to love and protect me. It wasn’t until I decided to release my poetry book A Girl’s Perspective: My Life in Poetry (a collection of poems that I started writing during that time period) that I began to release myself from the hold he still had on me emotionally. I dedicated that anthology to him as a way of saying, for my own sanity I forgive you. Then, in 2012 I began to work on a new vision: realizing that I was still harboring pain from my experiences, I wanted to do something to help other sexual abuse victims find their voices and strength in their survivorship. As such, I created the Let Your Voice Be Heard Sexual Assault Awareness Initiative. Since then, we have held an annual benefit event during National Sexual Assault

Today all of these women are stronger than ever and even though these experiences are ones that they wish they could erase but it has made them the survivors they are. I know it took a lot to be able to relive these horrific experiences for this publication but if only one person leaves a relationship because of this then the mission was accomplished.

I too stayed in a relationship that was unhealthy because of fear. I was the one always telling my friends I would never stay with a man if he hit me. I did stay and made excuses why I stayed because I took vows for better or worse until one day when my daughter walked in on him beating me and my daughter yelled “No Daddy!” I made a decision then that I did not want to be anyone’s statistic and if I did not love myself enough, I needed to love my kids enough to not subject them to that.

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Awareness Month raising funds to help various organizations in Atlanta that offer resources to sexual abuse victims.

My father told me I’d be nothing. He literally silenced me and kept me stuck in a detrimental situation. But, I’m proud to say that I’m a successful author, businesswoman, and most importantly an advocate for helping others to come out of the darkness and find THEIR voices. Though he molested my body, my spirit survived. It is my hope that others find the same strength to use their testimony to inspire others to break the silence.

Kenni York, author of the upcoming novel shedding light on child sexual abuse, Noah’s Rights (2/17)

So in closing I want to say please do not ignore the signs. There is mental, verbal and physical abuse and it starts off minor and each time the attacker will keep seeing how far they can go. There is help and you are not alone.

For anonymous, confidential help available 24/7, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY) now.

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Fall Skin Care Tips For Men

By Antiq Hawk The changing season will mean a change in skin care routines. As the conditions become cooler and usually drier with Fall fast approaching, a skin care regime will need to adjust itself accordingly in order to keep a man looking his best. Let’s take a look at some of the best ways men can keep their skin in top condition this coming autumn.

Moisturizing Cleanser for Fall Cleansers should form key components of any skin care regime. If a man is using a harsh soap or some sort of low-end face scrub in a hot shower, then chances are he’s doing his skin a terrible disservice and drying out his skin completely. Using a moisturizing cleanser that’s gentle and pH balanced will help ensure a more natural, clear finish that avoids the typical dried out, wrinkly appearance associated with a poor facial cleansing procedure.

As the season changes, men should pay particular attention to those cleansers that are hydrating and moisturizing, which will play a key role in ensuring the quality of the skin remains high as the climate changes.

Avoid Cheap Razors During the summer months, cheap disposable razors tend to make an appearance in a man’s beauty kit. While the summer is usually the time to do this and many men can get away with skimping in this

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department during the warmer months, the drier conditions will only lead to increased skin irritation as the season changes. It is now the time to upgrade to a more effective multi-blade razor that suits the skin’s sensitivity and coarseness of a man’s facial hair. Similarly, men should opt for moisturizers in their shaving creams, which will help further lubricate the skin and decrease irritation along the way.

Use Premium Aftershave The purpose of aftershave, besides lending a subtle fragrance to a man’s face, is to hydrate and soothe freshly shaved skin and act as a sort of sealant against airborne irritants. Men should opt for a more premium, alcohol-free aftershave during the fall to avoid the drying effects of alcohol. This may mean a change in the level of fragrance available to an aftershave blend, but the end result will be far more aesthetically pleasing.

Don’t Neglect Sunscreen (Even in Fall) Even though men aren’t being exposed to as high levels of UV radiation, the sun can still have damaging effects into the fall. Light moisturizers that have a SPF rating of at least 15 can provide adequate protection against the sun’s harmful rays during the fall with the added bonus of providing crucial moisturizing effects during the drier moments of the season.

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http://www.tattedcroc.com https://www.facebook.com/TattedCroc 45/ Urban Tymes Magazine

URBANITY

Grammy-nominated

Will Downing Releases New Album

By Angela P. Moore Photos By Angela Moore

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MUSIC

lyrics and put his personal touch on the songs.

Full of female cover songs, he renders his own versions of Cherrelle's hit, "Everything I Miss At Home"; The Emotions, "Don't Ask My Neighbor"; Randy Crawford's, "Street Life"; Phyllis Hyman's "Meet Me on the Moon"; Brenda Russell and Oleta Adams's "Get Here"; Angela Known as the reigning king of romantic ballads and his sophisticated style, Down- Winbush's "Your Smile" and several more ing has been around for 28 years and 19 songs. Downing's "Black Pearls" is a great album to add to your collection. It is albums later in the jazz and R&B world, and he has put out over 4 million albums hard to pick a favorite song because worldwide, and he is still serenading fans Downing did an exceptional job with each song. with his velvety smooth vocals, classic love songs and his signature sound.

Here, in his own words, Will Downing talks music...

In a recent interview with Will Downing days before his show at the packed Wolf Angela: What inspires your artistry?

Will Downing: I love what I do. It's very Creek Jazz Festival in Atlanta, GA., Downing talked about his 28 years in the rare that people know what they want to do, and I'm going to keep doing it until the music industry and his latest album.

Downing closed out the three-day festival wheels fall off. with his soulful and heart-rending perforAngela: What age did you realize that mance, and he proved that his smooth you have a sexy voice and could sing? voice still drives the ladies and couples crazy, decades later. Downing pulled out Will Downing laughs and says: I don't know about the sexy voice... Around 14. all of his hits and added some of the hits A teacher gravitated toward me and off his new album, "Black Pearls". The encouraged me. When I went off to Wolf Creek Jazz Festival featured Will school, I was being paid small amounts to Downing, Najee, Pieces of a Dream, perform. I did a lot of background Gerald Albright, David Benoit, Rachelle performing and in 1988, I had my first Ferrell, Paul Taylor, Jeff Lorber, Cindy professional gig," he says.

Bradley, Boney James, Euge Groove, Alex Bugnon, Kirk Whalum, Norman Angela: Let's talk a little about your Brown, Rick Braun, Vincent Ingala, new project. You put out a new album, Ragan Whiteside, Josh Vietti, and Peter "Black Pearls" in July. What is your White. favorite song on this album and what Downing released his latest album, "Black did you hope to accomplish with "Black Pearls"? How did your latest Pearls", a tribute to great women voices album come about? in R&B in July. This is his first full-length Will Downing: "Black Pearls" was album in six years. His talented wife, inspired by a conversation I was having Audrey Wheeler, who lent background with a friend of mine. We were talking vocals, joins him and Saxophonists Kirk about Phyllis Hyman. I choose songs Whalum and Najee make appearances on the album. Pianist, producer and long- based on lyrical content and melody. I enjoy singing songs that are reality based time-collaborator Chris "Big-Dog" Davis and pianist/arranger Mike Logan are also and that I can identify with and that my audience can relate to as well. featured on "Black Pearls". Downing enjoys taking classic songs with great Grammy-nominated, R&B crooner Will Downing has one of the most recognizable voices in R&B and he is back with his latest project, "Black Pearls", which pays homage to some of the great female R&B chart-toppers from the 70s through the 90s.

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“I love what I do.

It's very rare that people know what they want to do, and I'm going to keep doing it until the wheels fall off. “

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I play a lot of classic music. I think it's a good opportunity

to introduce new artists and artists that are independent.

Angela: You're performing this weekend at the Wolf Creek Jazz Festival, and I understand jazzheads are and musicians are I think traveling from across the you should learn your craft.

There is no one way to get to country to come to Atlanta the story. The one thing you for this Labor Day Weekcan do is deliver your craft. I end Festival... What can worked behind people a long your fans look forward to?

Will Downing: I'm going to Angela: With a successful time and learned the craft. do what I normally do. We're music career that has had Do as much as you can to going to pull out all the hits cultivate your craft. Be as its ups and downs, you that people want to hear and have had staying power in many places as you can to add some of the hits off my help your career. Get your the entertainment businew album. ness. What would you say name out there as much as contributes to your longev- possible and if you are as good as you say you are, you For more information on ity in the entertainment Downing, visit will get an opportunity. business? www.WillDowning.com or Will Downing: To me it's www.Shanachie.com.

Angela: You can catch about consistency. If you Downing through his want to put on my very first web-based radio show, The release from 1988 to now, Wind Down, which he host you're going to get a great and produce and is heard song that lasts forever. on a growing number of Angela: What advice would stations across the U.S. and Japan. How is your you give aspiring singers radio show doing? and musicians?

Will Downing: Advice that I Will Downing: It's doing pretty good now. Seven would give aspiring singers years and I'm doing it weekly.

Angela: What's your favorite song on your new album?

Will Downing: I love them all. I can't pick one. I don't have a favorite song on the album.

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CHEF Mona Her Xclusive Twist on the Culinary World!

By cwspeaks

So if you know me…I love food.

Not just the taste, but the way the chef prepares the dish with meticulous care.

And presentation is a must! Not just throwing things together onto a plate, but an arrangement of delicacies that makes your eyes as satisfied as the palate after the first bite….

Meeting Chef Mona years ago at a live broadcast allowed me the opportunity to taste her creations, and now some time later after her stint overseas and various clientele, we got the opportunity to chat with the chef with the bright smile and culinary magic that has impressed many, and stirred up quite a following……

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Ok, so I have to ask this question…..what made you go into the culinary arts field?

Actually, I woke up one day, and I decided, while my kids were at middle school age, that I wanted to be a better example to them. Sometimes when you are a younger parent, you then to be lost yourself, so I wanted to be a better example. So I went to Central Piedmont Community College, spoke with a counselor and I asked him, “what should I do?” I mean I talk a lot... so I could be a paralegal, I could go into the healthcare field, but I don’t know what to do. I want to be somebody, I want to do something! So he (the counselor) was like “Well, what do you like to do everyday, even on a bad day?” So I’m thinking; cook!

Even on a bad day, Mona can cook! So he said “you need to go into the culinary field” So I’m thinking “What?” “No...I see myself in that white hat and that white coat.” But now, at the end of the day, I’m the international celebrity chef..Chef Mona.

Share with us your education and work background Well, I’ve actually been cooking since the age of nine. I think that when you have certain talents, its in your veins. And now that I look back, cooking that early, when you see Chef Mona, you’re definitely seeing another side of things that has been passed on through me. As far as the pastry side my grandmother Lise Arnold she baked cakes, well she would be the pastry chef here in 2016, which is me. Cora Kilgore, she cooks really well, she would be the chef here, which is me. So therefore there are things that when you have talents, sometimes you have to reach within and know what you got and have passed down to you.

I graduated from Central Piedmont Community College, taking culinary there and became a chef, then went on to take pastry arts under Jeffrey Blunt. It is an amazing experience to be able to have a dual

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degree. From there I was able to get a job through Central Piedmont Community College to work at a golf course in Stanley N.C, that’s been amazing…. a great experience! I was also able to go with a pro baseball player out of the country and that’s how I was able to become an international celebrity chef. I keep in contact with him and his wife quite often and I’m actually doing something with them very soon. So definitely one thing has led to another, building off of that background. I was at Central Piedmont Community College and I volunteered a lot so I could stay up under the chefs, so I could learn things that sometimes wasn’t a part of the school curriculum. So I really took everything that came from my bloodline, and put it on steroids, and just amped it up! Just making it happen right about now!

So compare, what you learned in school vs skills acquired since you’ve been running your business. Which do you think have really sustained you during this career path?

Actually the school definitely amped up what I already knew. The school definitely brought the professionalism, it brought the skills that you aren’t going to learn at home unless your parent is a chef. And being able to bring presentation to the table, because before people eat anything, they see things. So I learned a lot of things in school that I really appreciate. I also learned how to go in certain directions with my business, even being on time was very important in school. It didn’t make sense to me then, but its vital, its important! Going to school was very sustainable in my career path, and another thing about school...I can always go back to my mentors and talk to them on any situation. I appreciate them, and I make sure I always shout them out.

We’ve also seen that you’ve been feeding the who’s who of the QC and celebs

far I’m thinking, it seems like that he would go outside of the box. A little more flavors, a little more Chef Mona’s wrist game to it! Yes, exactly, I think it would be Big Boi from Outkast….Mint & Ginger wings….some Stankonia Wings!

What’s next for Chef Mona and Exclusive Delights? Your own line of dishes? Gourmet cook book? Show?

C’mon you have to share with our readers!!!

as well. How does it feel when others get a chance to sample and enjoy your culinary creations?

Oh my gracious! It feels like...It feels absolutely amazing because for me, I cook from here, from my soul. I want people to be happy, who wants to disappoint somebody? It’s truly amazing, beyond words to say sometimes. I just like seeing faces.

If Chef Mona could create a signature dinner for a celebrity, who would it be and what would it be?

I would cook for a lot of celebrities, I could think of several celebrities and based on their personalities. Certain dishes I would try to go for. But I have one do over I would like to do over…..Big Boi from Outkast. I met him at an event several years ago, he was given some diamond encrusted Nikes, a friend of mine gave him those. He (big Boi) actually had his manager give me his number, because I was telling him that I could cook, and..um.. I lost his number! On my way from GA to SC to pick up my child, then to NC, I lost his number, and I was so disappointed! However, I would do a do over, and I would make him some “Stankonia Wings” And those wings I would incorporate some ginger and mint, and hopefully he would like that flavor. Maybe I could get the flavors he would like, but so

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As far as my own line of dishes, yes, I would definitely like to do that. I’ve talked about that like several years ago, but I can’t get into that right now. The gourmet cookbook…I definitely like to do a cookbook, I’m not really sure on gourmet. Being that the world is so health conscious, it would have to go along those lines of healthy, and we’re also trying to budget so I think I would gear more toward whatever the masses (people) need.

A show…so right now I’m doing several guest appearances on shows, I just did one with “Real Talk with Felice” however, I really don’t have a show idea right now with the food. We are working on a show to help teens that are struggling, and hope to bring in some of these culinary experiences to help the teens out. To get some of that energy shook off a little bit, and help them hopefully to choose some good career paths.

Thank you Chef Mona for sharing with our readers your amazing career, and passionate culinary talent!

Thank you Urban Tymes for having me!

To learn more about this amazing sister And to utilize her services Visit: www.facebook.com/xclusivedelightsllc chefmona@yahoo.com

(360) 281-9866

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