Doubt (Alive Now, March/April, 2016) by The Upper Room

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Doubt

God Understands

Flora Slosson Wuellner Page 16

Prayers for Holy Week and Easter Page 39

Daily Reflections Page 44

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contents doubt

6 Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt John Berntsen 9 Quilt or Chaos? Daniel Boerman 10 Mark 9:2 11 Stay with Me Ann Freeman Price 12 That Terrible Pain Mother Teresa 13 Mother Teresa: A Human Saint Patricia A. Dickson 14 Watered-down Faith Stephen Bedard 16 God Understands Flora Slosson Wuellner 18 Confessions of a Believer: A Litany James E. Magaw, Sr. 20 Proverbs 3:5 21 Tuning Fork Bradford Bosworth 22 Daily Return to God Ben Rawlins 26 Just Before the Cock Crows Lindy Thompson 28 The Next Step Linda Douty 30 Faith Filled Sudha Khristmukti 32 Our Companion Rueben P. Job 33 Deuteronomy 31:6 34 after the soul storm Gretchen Toler Debus 36 In Our Doubts Derek Maul DEPARTMENTS 3 Perspectives 4 From the Editor 25 The Center Patricia Wilson 37 Practice: The Welcoming Prayer J. David Muyskens 39 Holy Week and Easter Prayers Carol A. Cook Moore 44 Daily Reflections 48 Last Page Safiyah Fosua Visit us on the web at alivenow.org Front Cover photo: SUSAN HAY Contents photo: © iStock.com / Christophe Bourloton

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Alive Now® (ISSN 0891-8767) (GST 128363256) is published bimonthly for $17.95 per year; $33.95 for two years. Canadian and foreign pricing: $25.95 and must be prepaid in US funds. Bulk orders are $1.95 per copy for ten or more to one address. Single copy/Back issue: $3.90. Call 1-800-972-0433. Volume 46, No. 2 (March/ April 2016) is copyrighted © 2016 by The Upper Room®, 1908 Grand Ave., Nashville, TN 37212-2129. All rights reserved. Printed in the USA. The digital version of Alive Now is available to view through: your web browser, your Android phone or tablet, and your iOS phone or tablet. To subscribe to the digital version of Alive Now, click here. Android users: Visit the Android Market, search for Alive Now, and download the Alive Now app. Once you have purchased Alive Now Digital, use the SAME email address to log in to the Android app and view your Alive Now digital magazine. When you subscribe, each new issue will become available to you via this app bimonthly. iOS users: Visit the Apple App Store, search for Alive Now, and download the Alive Now app. Purchase a subscription or a single issue within the app. Don’t forget to SHARE your email address with the publisher so you can take advantage of your subscription on other devices and web browsers. When you subscribe, each new issue will become available to you via this app bimonthly. EDITORIAL OFFICES Alive Now, P.O. Box 340004, Nashville, TN 37203-0004; telephone (615) 340-7254; fax (615) 340-7267; website: alivenow.org; e-mail: AliveNow@upperroom.org. Periodical postage paid at Nashville, TN and at additional mailing offices. Alive Now is distributed in Australia by MediaCom Education Inc., P.O. Box 610, Unley 5061. 1-800-811-311, fax: 08 8297 8719. Email: admin@mediacom.org.au. Website: mediacom.org.au. Unless otherwise designated, scripture quotations contained herein are from the New Revised Standard Version Bible, copyright © 1989 by the Division of Christian Education of the National Council of the Churches of Christ in the U.S.A. Scriptures marked CEB are from the Common English Bible. Copyright © 2011. Website: CommonEnglishBible.com. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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perspectives

Whether your faith is that there is a God or that there is not a God, if you don’t have any doubts you are either kidding yourself or asleep. — Frederick Buechner Beyond Words

JAN PHILLIPS

If people in the Bible could shake their fists at God while truly believing in the majesty of God, then maybe there was room in my own faith for anger and frustration, sorrow and questioning, bafflement and longing. — Enuma Okoro

Reluctant Pilgrim

Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith. — Paul Tillich Systematic Theology

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from the editor

am writing this introduction during challenging days. Thousands of war refugees are overwhelming Europe. Mass shootings seem to have become regular occurrences. As wealth in the United States continues to climb, almost a quarter of our children live in poverty. My God, my God, why have you forsaken us? I find doubt creeping in during times like this. What’s happened to the human race? Are we still God’s creations, or are we passing the point of redemption? Where is God in all of this? Sometimes it’s hard to trust that God is still here. I was amazed when, after Mother Teresa’s death, her private journals and letters revealed that she lived much of her life not feeling God’s presence. [Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light, New York: The Mother Teresa Center, 2007.] At the age of thirty-six, when she was working in a girl’s school in Calcutta, she 4 ALIVE NOW

heard God’s call to minister to the poorest of the poor. She felt God’s presence very strongly during those days. Several years later, after she had begun to work with the poor of Calcutta, that feeling of God’s presence left her, and she entered a spiritual darkness that lasted the rest of her life. Mother Teresa struggled and had great doubt in her life. And yet, she continued to act on the calling that she had heard from God in 1946. She ministered to thousands and inspired the entire world, and yet she lived in “the depths of the darkness.” These posthumous revelations are a testimony to her faithfulness to a God whose presence she did not feel and frequently doubted.

My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? … Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried, and were saved; in you they trusted, and were not put to shame. Psalm 22:1, 3-5 Sometimes we think of doubt as a failure in a person’s faith. I believe, rather, that doubt is a human condition. The scriptures tell us the story of people with amazing faith—Abram and Sarai, Moses, Esther, Job, Mary and Joseph. And they tell us about faithful folks who struggled with faith—the disciples, who hid behind locked doors after the resurrection (Jn. 20:19-23); Thomas, who needed more proof to believe (Jn. 20:24-29), and even Jesus, who asked whether the cup of suffering could pass from him (Matt. 26:39). Doubting, asking questions, struggling to believe—these are not signs of human failings, but are human experiences. The challenge for us is, perhaps, to continue to engage our struggles, to face our fears, to wrestle

through the night—and, during those dark nights when we cannot feel or believe that God is present with us, to continue the work that was set before us. We continue our Lenten journey in the coming days, following Jesus into Jerusalem and into the events of Holy Week and the empty tomb. Pay attention to the stories of this season, to the human beings who, despite their doubts and limitations, became the foundations of the early church. In your own times of doubt, try practicing “The Welcoming Prayer” on pages 37-38. May you know, whether you can feel it or not, that God stands with you in your struggles. Blessings,

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Beyond a Shadow of a John Berntsen

he two New Testament words most often translated as “doubt” mean literally “wavering” and “being at odds with oneself.” In human terms, doubt makes us feel vulnerable and at risk. Doubt awakens our insecurity and may drive us into hiding to avoid harm. And like trust and mistrust, doubt is seated deep within us; it resists reason and proof. Common sense likely says that faith and doubt are contrary to one another. Yet serious-minded believers have always known that doubt is an ingredient in faith, not faith’s opposite. I believe doubt is the shadow side of faith. Doubt gives faith its firmness and resolve (“the genuineness of your faith—being more precious than gold … is tested by fire,” 1 Peter 1:7). For example, after Easter, the remaining disciples joined the risen Jesus on the mountain to receive their marching orders for all time. But before Jesus commissioned them, the 6 ALIVE NOW

gospel notes, “When they saw him, they worshipped him, but some doubted” (Matt. 28:17). The shadow of doubt remains with us on our journey. This helps us, I think, “keep it real” in our mission, especially reminding us of our utter dependency on the Lord. This graced dependency is the real source of faith’s strength. As in Joseph’s Christmas dream Jesus is named “God with us” (Matt. 1:23), so on the holy mountain he promises to be with us always to the close of the age (Matt. 28:20). Jesus’ abiding presence as Emmanuel is both the beginning and the ending of all gospel assurance. This abiding presence can reach the depths of the human heart where faith and doubt are lodged. As in daily life, when a friend is simply “there for you” with unwavering presence, Jesus’ presence is the antidote to the chronic mistrust that fills our hearts. It dispels the shadow of doubt. The one who cried out, “My God,

Doubt my God, why have you forsaken me?” (Matt. 27:46) is certainly a companion in our doubt. When I was a young boy, I spent the better part of a summer finding the moxie to jump off the high diving board at our municipal swimming pool. I’m not talking about diving head first, but only about warily stepping off the board to certain death. When I finally stepped out into thin air, I prayed that God had better save me, because it was too late for me to save myself. Imagine my joy when the water received me and I came up for fresh air. Later I even summoned up the pluck to dive head first. Though I am now in my late sixties, I keep the memory of that summer alive with a framed print of Norman Rockwell’s August 1946 Saturday Evening Post cover entitled “High Dive.” The young boy looking with wide-eyed fear over the end of the diving board is still me. The view from below focuses on the whiteknuckled grip of the boy on the board. This will always be how I understand a “leap of faith.”

John A. Berntsen is a retired Lutheran (ELCA) pastor who resides with his wife, Mary Lynn, in Bucks County, PA. They are parents of two young adult boys, Matthew and TJ. In retirement he enjoys cooking and home improvement. He is the author of Cross-Shaped Leadership.

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Quilt or Chaos? Daniel Boerman

If only life were a quilt, each experience exquisitely stitched in diverse, vibrant colors, then neatly squared and sewn together in a distinctive pattern, making a beautiful whole. But life more resembles an abandoned sewing basket overflowing with ragged scraps of cloth, half-used spools of thread, projects started and unfinished, a chaos of colors and materials with no pattern in sight. That’s how it looks to me. Maybe the Grand Weaver sees something I’m missing. Daniel Boerman worked for nearly thirty years in retail and builder’s hardware. He is the author of a childhood memoir, The Flying Farm Boy: A Michigan Memoir. Daniel and his wife, Linda, live in rural West Michigan. They have two adult children and four grandchildren.

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Share the prayer of your heart at alivenow.org.

“I have faith; help my lack of faith!” —Mark 9:2, CEB

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Stay with Me Ann Freeman Price

O God, some days my faith is strong and songs of praise fill my heart and tumble out of my lips but there are other days when I wonder question and my uncertainty pushes the praise out of the center and allows the doubt to dominate help me through this, God somewhere in my self I know your promise not to leave me stay with me, God until I am strong in the faith again Amen. Ann Freeman Price is a writer and a composer. She is a member of Sparta United Methodist Church in Sparta, NJ. She has written five books, produced a CD, and blogs from her website: annfreemanprice.com.

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That Terrible In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss—of God not wanting me—of God not being God—of God not really existing. —Mother Teresa From Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light—The Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta. Published by The Mother Teresa Center. All rights reserved.

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Pain

Mother Teresa: A Human Saint Patricia A. Dickson

Walking the paths of poverty tirelessly serving the impoverished overwhelmed by such vast and unnecessary need the woman called to God “Where are You?” and lost in her tears and sometimes her fears was unable to hear God’s “Look in the mirror.” Pat Dickson lives in Naples, FL with her spouse, Edwin Swenson. They try to keep up with their three children and eight grandchildren.

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Watered-down Faith Stephen Bedard Share your challenges and prayers at alivenow.org.

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ne of the most dramatic moments in the Gospel of Matthew (14:28-32) is when Jesus walks on water and Peter offers to join him. Unfortunately, Peter began to doubt, and Jesus had to do a quick save to keep Peter from drowning. Numerous sermons have been preached that condemn Peter’s doubt. However, we should note that Peter had enough faith to step out of the boat. How many people today would do something like that? Certainly the other disciples did not have such faith. In many ways, Peter’s story is the story of every Christian. Faith does not follow a linear progression. Every once in a while faith spikes up to levels that we never expected. Other times the fierceness of the storm causes us to sink in doubt. If we are honest, we will find it impossible not to notice the storms. We will face relationship breakups, financial struggles, and untimely deaths. To be affected by such events is to be human. God does not ask us to hide our fears. Read a random psalm for proof. Should Peter have stayed in the boat? Peter’s doubt ended up marking a significant moment in his spiritual journey. It led him to cry out, “Lord, save me.” This plea resulted in Jesus’ firm grasp pulling him out of danger. It also turned into an opportunity for the other disciples to gain a deeper understanding of Jesus. We might be tempted to punish ourselves for our doubts, but the Bible does not give us that option. Doubts are occasions for us to find Jesus in the midst of our desperation. Stephen Bedard is a Canadian pastor, teacher, and author who writes on the subjects of discipleship, apologetics, and disabilities. He is married and has five children, two of whom have autism. You can find out more at www.stephenjbedard.com.

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| 2016 15 KEVIN MAIN

God Understands Flora Slosson Wuellner

God does not condemn us for our wounded ability to trust. You and I often tightly close our inner doors out of confusion, fear, and pain. God understands that our inner defenses, our emotional armor, our separating walls have grown in us for a reason. And this God of limitless mercy will not kick down our doors, tear off our masks and armor, or go away angry. This God, whom we see through Jesus, will continually come to us through our defensive doors, to be with us in power and comfort us in our darkness. From Heart of Healing, Heart of Light: Encountering God Who Shares and Heals Our Pain by Flora Slosson Wuellner. Copyright ÂŠ 1992 by the author. Used with permission of Upper Room Books.

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Confessions of a Believer: A Litany James E. Magaw, Sr.

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O God, sometimes when I want to hear you most, you are quiet as no one. O God, sometimes when I do not want to be disturbed, your voice is as loud and clear as the severe weather siren. O God, sometimes when I want to prove you are here, I babble like a baby, trying to speak without knowing the words. O God, sometimes when I am reduced to silence, others see something of you in me that they could not hear before. O God, sometimes when I think I know all about you, I become dry bones and a clanging cymbal. O God, sometimes when I doubt that I can ever know and tell who you are, you pour over me like living waters. Not sometimes, O God, but always, it is in you that I live and love and doubt, and only your loving grace matters. Jim Magaw, Sr. is a husband, father, grandfather, and retired UMC clergyperson. He writes poetry, reads a lot, does guest preaching, and is a long-suffering Cleveland baseball fan.

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Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Proverbs 3:5

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Tuning Fork Bradford Bosworth

Doubt is the static that interferes with the frequency of our Divine connection. It takes us off beat with the Spirit’s sweet melody, and soon we are singing out of tune. Christ is our tuning fork. Brad Bosworth lives in Smyrna, GA, where he serves in lay leadership at Smyrna 1st UMC. He enjoys riding motorcycles and working at the Marietta Harley-Davidson dealership. Brad’s daughters, Maggie and Jeanne, also live in the area with their families.

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Daily Return to God Ben Rawlins

Most of the time I feel less like I have faith and more like I’m trying to have faith. But I wasn’t always such a skeptic. I grew up in a sturdy Christian home where faith in God formed the foundation of my daily experience. We went to church at least three times a week, sometimes even more. My family sang hymns on long road trips, led by my dad, an advocate of a cappella singing and four-part harmony. Scripture was imbued in daily conversation. And there was expectation—expectation of belief, expectation that we would be active members in a church community. This experience of church is in my bones; I cannot separate it from who I am. At some point, though, the intensity I felt in these experiences began to wane. I have 22 ALIVE NOW

no somber story to relate, no great bout with suffering that left me disillusioned. I have felt my share of pain and loneliness, but that is not what makes me question. No. My journey with doubt is much more mundane: the way faith was presented in church has lost meaning for me over time. While I value my faith tradition and the way I grew up, at some point I started to become frustrated with how faith and the Christian experience were described. I felt (and still feel) that most churches pull people away from the earth. We’re encouraged to look toward heaven and away from the flesh and blood of the here and now. Loving our neighbor is central, but it seems that a lot of people see it as a means to an end rather than an end unto itself. As I continue to wrestle with scripture and theology, this way of thinking strikes me as misguided at best. It might just be plain wrong. Despite my questions, I can’t seem to let go of my

faith, something that many people in my generation are doing. I still attend church services, attempting to be open and uncynical. I try to discover ways of speaking about faith that “works” for me, that is vital to my being. And yet it’s usually in moments when I’m not trying that I see or experience something that moves me toward faith, toward the presence of God on earth. I’ll read a passage of poetry that brings tears to my eyes, experience a moment of physical touch from a loved one, see a slant of light through the trees. These quotidian moments shock me into perceiving the mysterious nature of life and I think, “Yes, of course, I believe.” I realize the irony that it is doubt that has turned me away from the church and toward the earth, yet it is the earth that turns me toward God and nudges me back into the pew. In this way, I owe my faith to my doubt, for it is how I return to God, day after day.

Ben Rawlins is originally from Hutchinson, KS. He teaches writing and literature at Lipscomb University in Nashville, TN, and is interested in the intersection of literature, theology, and culture. Ben enjoys the outdoors, movies, playing volleyball, and sharing time with family and friends.

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the center Touch me, God, in this moment. Let me feel your hand upon me, your love pouring over me, your comforting Holy Spirit all around me. â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Patricia Wilson From Quiet Spaces: Prayer Interludes for Women by Patricia Wilson. Copyright ÂŠ 2002 by the author. Used by permission of Upper Room Books.

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| 2016 25 DAN WRAY

Just Before the Cock Crows Lindy Thompson

Just before the cock crows, the dark is at its darkest. You cannot see the ground beneath your feet. Your right hand cannot see what your left hand is doing. Your parts are not connected, and anything might happen. This is where missteps are made, where paths are veered from and never found again. Fear is in control, and there is no light. The easiest thing to do here is sleep. Sleep through the difficulty, sleep through the time of trial. When you wake, if you wake, you will be someplace completely different. There might be some light, or it might be murky. God will not leave you and you will still grow from there. But, if you can, keep awake. Keep awake. Keep awake and pray. If you stay awake through that strange, turbulent hour of disconnection and fear, the cock will finally crow, and you will finally see. You will come to yourself. 26 ALIVE NOW

Share your thoughts and prayers at alivenow.org.

You may not like where you are, you may not like what you have done, you may be filled with deep, deep regret and sorrow. But look to the east. The sun is rising, light is being restored, and you, at last, are present. Keep awake, through the playing out of what has already begun, what you cannot change. Keep awake, see, receive, remember.

Keep awake. Pray. You are about to witness resurrection. Lindy Thompson is a lyricist and writer who lives in Franklin, TN, with her husband and three children. She has written several songs with composer Mark A. Miller which are published by Choristers Guild. She is an active member of Christ UMC and blogs her poetry at lindythompson.net.

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The Next Step Linda Douty

O Holy One, be with me in my uncertainty, my confusion. I hardly know which way to turn, yet my heart in expectation turns to you. Somehow I know—I trust—that you honor my willingness, because it’s all I have right now. Even if I make a misstep and stumble, I trust your gracious Spirit to steer me back on the path. So accept my feeble effort, my availability, my deep desire to serve you. I no longer ask for a vision of the whole journey, but simply for the next step. Shine your holy light on my path forward, and I will take that step with your loving, forgiving Spirit ever at my side. Amen. From Praying in the Messiness of Life: 7 Ways to Renew Your Relationship with God by Linda Douty. Copyright © 2011 by the author. Used by permission of Upper Room Books.

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Faith filled Sudha Khristmukti

Like doubting Thomas, O Lord, I need to see and feel your pierced ribs. Time and again I grow needy for some assurance that you care, that you really do love me, that I indeed matter to you. Through the fog of pain, conflict, crisis, or loss, my human understanding fails to fully grasp your plans and purposes. Forgive my unbelieving attitude, which prevents me from completely trusting in your providence, from relying upon the absolute truth of your Word and your grace. Rule over my spirit, O Lord, so that my faith— often exhausted and spent from life’s challenges— can experience anew your redeeming, strengthening hope.

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Share your stories at alivenow.org.

Restore my burdened heart and mind to a joyous state in daily rebirth through your Holy Spirit. Grant me eyes that enable me to glimpse your hand at work in the unfurlings of ordinary days. And when baffling odds loom before me, help me sense and feel the power and the wonder of your divine possibilities. Amen. Sudha Khristmukti lives in Gujarat, India with her four rescued street dogs, pet crow, owl and squirrel. She teaches English, writes for Christian publications, and plays the sitar and flute.

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Our Companion Rueben P. Job

The risen Christ is with us, and therefore we need not fear the events of this day or any day that lies in our future. We know that each day will be lived in companionship with the only One who is able to rescue, redeem, save, keep, and companion us through every experience of this life and the next. This realization does not take away the pain or uncertainty that life holds. But it does give us strength, wisdom, guidance, and most of all, a Companion to travel through each of these experiences with us. From A Guide to Prayer for All Who Seek God by Norman Shawchuck and Rueben P. Job. Copyright ÂŠ 2003 by the authors. Used with permission of Upper Room Books.

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Be strong and bold; have no fear or dread of them, because it is the Lord your God who goes with you; God will not fail you or forsake you. â&#x20AC;&#x201D;Deuteronomy 31:6

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after the soul storm Gretchen Toler Debus

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early morning deluge windshield wiper drumbeat rhythm to the thunder rain’s countermelody fear not … fear not … fear not … first gray light of Easter undeterred by rainclouds defiant vanguard beam breaks through stained glass windows he lives … he lives … he lives … leaden hope entombed in sleepless hours endless storms shake off doubt breathe again the newly rain-washed air Alleluia … Alleluia … Alleluia … Gretchen Toler Debus is an internal medicine physician in Dallas, TX. She is happily married to John (also a physician) and is the proud mom of Ben and Sarah. She enjoys writing, reading, and singing. Cooking, not so much.

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In Our Doubts

Derek Maul

Thank you for encouraging us in our belief, Lord. We’re grateful that you are right here with us, even in the middle of our doubts. We want to commit ourselves to your way more completely. Amen. From The Unmaking of a Part-Time Christian by Derek Maul. Copyright © 2009 by the author. Used with permission of Upper Room Books.

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~ Spiritual Practice ~

The Welcoming Prayer J. David Muyskens

Trust in [God] at all times. —Psalm 62:8

find myself sometimes moving into a dark mood: I’m worried about my health; I’m pessimistic about the future; I’m distressed about my ability to meet the challenges a day brings. When I find myself moving toward these thoughts, the welcoming prayer can change my mood. This prayer acknowledges the presence of God in daily life. In the welcoming prayer, I say welcome to the presence of God in the situation. I know Presence means that love, joy, and peace are present already, and I experience those fruits of the Spirit. I can let go of the desires for esteem, power, and security that were driving me to the dark place. Instead, I accept the situation with trust. What do I mean by trusting in God? Not that God will do what I want, but rather that I accept what is, trusting that God will be with me no matter what happens. With trust I am free from the march /april

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PASQUALE R. MINGARELLI

need to control. In trust I let go and let things be, knowing that I am held in the embrace of divine love. As I practice the welcoming prayer, I first sink into the distress I am feeling. I become aware of any discomfort—a tight shoulder, tense thighs, unease in the digestive track, a headache. I let myself be aware of the origin of the pain I feel. This process may take some time, or it can be almost instantaneous. After identifying the situation, I say, “Welcome.” That becomes my prayer. I repeat, “Welcome, welcome, welcome,” ready to see how God is at work in what is happening. After taking a welcoming attitude, I let go of selfish desires. I consciously reinforce this letting go. Like breathing, I receive and let go: receive the grace of God and let go of all that interferes with my cooperation with divine action. The welcoming prayer method, as taught by Contemplative Outreach, has three steps. You can copy them on a card to take with you: Focus, feel, and sink into the feelings, emotions, thoughts, sensations, and commentaries in your body. Welcome the Divine Indwelling in the feelings, emotions, thoughts, commentaries, or sensations in your body by saying, “Welcome.” Let go by repeating the following sentences: • “I let go of the desire for security, affection, control.” • “I let go of the desire to change this feeling/sensation.”* Of course, God may change the situation. But that is God’s work, not mine. I accept the pain or distress, knowing that the Beloved is present and active in that moment. To trust in God does not mean to trust God to act as I like. Rather, it is to trust God to act as God likes. With trust, I surrender to God’s action. I live with contentment, accepting what is given. Adapted from J. David Muyskens, Sacred Breath: Forty Days of Centering Prayer. Copyright © 2010 by the author. Used by permission of Upper Room Books. *The Welcoming Prayer brochure (Butler, NJ: Contemplative Outreach, www.contemplativeoutreach.org).

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Palm Sunday O God, as your incarnate passion enters the city gates, riding on a colt, we halfheartedly join the parade. Give us the passion to want to follow you even when no one else will. As those who are waiting for a Savior clamor to shout hosanna, we go through the motions. Give us the desire to believe even when others do not. As the disciples draw near to hold on to their Jesus, we keep our distance, choosing the wilderness over a promised land. Draw us in. Open our clenched hands and frozen hearts. When the palms are stilled, when we leave the story because we do not want to hear the tale of betrayal, torture, and death, Hold us in the truth of your unending love. Forgive us for our own acts of betrayal, and fill us with compassion to believe against all evidence: You are the one who turns mourning into dancing, death into life. Carol A. Cook Moore is an ordained Elder in the United Methodist Church and a member of the Oklahoma Annual Conference. She is currently working on a collection of writings on the topic of encountering grace in the midst of grief. In addition to teaching courses in worship, preaching, and designing worship, she enjoys gardening, beaching, and preparing family feasts. By Carol A. Cook Moore. ÂŠ 2015 Alive Now. Permission granted to use in corporate worship.

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Maundy Thursday Did you really kneel and wash their feet? O Jesus, we can’t imagine. Did you really break the bread and name it your body? O Jesus, we don’t understand. Did you really lift that cup and name it a new covenant? O Jesus, we aren’t sure. Did you really take them to that place where they fell asleep? O Jesus, we are disillusioned by their failure. Did you really love the world so much? O Jesus, we can’t remember. Remind us now, Lord Jesus. Re-member and remind us with bread that breaks our hearts open, With the cup that pours out grace, Grace that carries us through this dark night into tomorrow’s sorrow. Fill us with this commandment to love. Free us to believe what we cannot understand. With this basin and towel, this bread and cup, We will remember. We will set your table with abundant grace. We will embody this love, this faith, forever. Amen. By Carol A. Cook Moore. © 2015 Alive Now. Permission granted to use in corporate worship.

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Good Friday This is the day when hatred wins. Lord, have mercy. This is the day when evil dances. Christ, have mercy. This is the day when the Light dies. Lord, have mercy. Whatever we believe, whatever we doubt, Whatever we know, whatever we deny, Today we watch the source of all creation, And join the innocent victims of all time. Today, we remember and join the cry of the guilty, “Remember me, Lord Jesus!” The veil of our doubt is torn. Surely, he has borne our grief. Together we see what the centurion proclaimed, Surely, this is the Son of God. This is the day love wins. Lord, have mercy. Christ, have mercy. Amen. By Carol A. Cook Moore. © 2015 Alive Now. Permission granted to use in corporate worship.

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Holy Saturday Where are you, Lord? Where are you? We watch the tomb and wait. We wait at the decisions where we have lost our way. We wait at the words we have said and failed to say. We wait, unwilling to hope and unwilling to doubt. And while we wait we garnish the tomb of our faith with bunnies and baskets and eggs. Come, Lord Jesus, come. Break through our fear that Easter is a hoax. Come, and call us by name. Carry us into the watery death of baptism, and lift us up into the joy of resurrection. Come, Lord Jesus, come. Even now, rise up—even now. Amen. By Carol A. Cook Moore. © 2015 Alive Now. Permission granted to use in corporate worship.

42 ALIVE NOW © iStock.com / camaralenta

Easter Sunday Alleluia! How can we express the profound joy of our hearts? You, Holy One, you are the one who rolls away the stone, empties the tomb, and rises from hell to proclaim: Life! Love! Justice! Peace! Alleluia! With the women we run To share the joy of this day. With Peter we swim to the shore To taste the mercy of divine love. With the disciples on the way to Emmaus, We see you in the breaking of the bread. Alleluia! Fill us with faith that will not take death for the answer. Fill us with love that will not allow defeat. Fill us with the ways of justice that will not quit when redemption seems so far away. Fill us with peace that perseveres when brokenness and violence swarm. Today, we live resurrection. Today, we sing, shout, and pray, Alleluia! Christ is risen. Glory to God. Amen. By Carol A. Cook Moore. ÂŠ 2015 Alive Now. Permission granted to use in corporate worship.

march /april

| 2016 43 ÂŠ iStock.com / shaunl

daily reflections

march /april

Weekly Lectionary Texts

Monday, February 29

Monday, March 7

Joshua 5:9-12 Psalm 32 2 Corinthians 5:16-21 Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32

In “Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt” (p. 6), the author tells a story about jumping off a diving board. When have you overcome a fear to jump into a new stage in life that brought you joy? Share your story at alivenow.org. Tuesday, March 1

Read Joshua 5:9-12. The story of the Exodus is one of faith and doubt, repentance and deliverance. How has your journey been a celebration even in the midst of uncertainty? Wednesday, March 2

In “Beyond a Shadow of a Doubt” (p. 6), the author uses the term “graced dependency” to describe the source of a strong faith. How does that apply to Joshua in yesterday’s reading, Joshua 5:9-12?

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Isaiah 43:16-21 Psalm 126 Philippians 3:4b-14 John 12:1-8

Read “From the Editor” (p. 4). Several biblical examples are given of people who have faith despite doubt. Which biblical person’s faith most inspires you, and why? Tuesday, March 8

Read Isaiah 43:16-21. In what ways is the movement from fear to faith a “new thing” God is doing? In what aspects of your life is that new faith still emerging for you? Wednesday March 9

Read “Quilt or Chaos?” (p. 9). Brainstorm a list of other images like the quilt— a garden, a workbench—that could represent your work of faith. What might God see that you miss? Share your list at alivenow.org. Thursday, March 10

Thursday, March 3

Read Psalm 32. God is described as a hiding place in v. 7. What does being secure feel like? How can you carry a sense of that spiritual safety with you?

Read Psalm 126. Think of a time when your family or community felt unrestrained joy like that described in the psalm. How was that moment a part of your spiritual history?

Friday, March 4

Friday, March 11

World Day of Prayer. Make a list of places you feel a concern for, and include them in your prayers today. Saturday, March 5

Read Luke 15:1-3, 11b-32. How does this parable change if you read it as a story about the young boy on the diving board in Monday’s reflection? Sunday, March 6

4th Sunday in Lent. Read 2 Corinthians 5:16-21. What might Paul say to the older brother who is not reconciled to his family in the parable from yesterday? How does being reconciled to God also reconcile us to others? Share your thoughts at alivenow.org.

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“Stay with Me” (p. 11) recounts a moment of doubt in contrast to the kind of joy expressed in yesterday’s psalm reading. Pray for those who need assurance of God’s presence. Saturday, March 12

Read John 12:1-8. Which person in this story are you most like? Whom do you want to emulate? Go to alivenow.org for an Audio Lectio reading of this passage. Sunday, March 13

5th Sunday in Lent. Read Philippians 3:4b-14. Note that Paul does not claim to have attained perfect faith, but is urgently reaching for it as a prize. What helps you sustain your own pursuit of that goal?

daily reflections

march /april

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Weekly Lectionary Texts

Monday, March 14

Lectionary texts for Holy Week are at alivenow.org.

Psalm 118:1-2, 19-29 Isaiah 50:4-9a Philippians 2:5-11 Luke 19:28-40

Read “Watered Down Faith” (p. 14), and review the story it refers to in Matthew 14. Should Peter have stayed in the boat? Ask a few friends for their thoughts about doubt and failure in faith development. Share these reflections at alivenow.org. Tuesday, March 15

Acts 10:34-43 Psalm 118:1-2, 14-24 1 Corinthians 15:19-26 Luke 24:1-12

Monday, March 21

Read “Just Before the Cock Crows” (p. 26). How is being truly present a spiritual practice? How can you stay awake during this week of Easter vigil? Share a practice at alivenow.org.

Philippians 2:5-11 describes how Jesus did not exploit his status, but instead emptied himself in humility. When have you experienced the fulfillment of emptying? What have been the results?

Tuesday, March 22

Wednesday, March 16

Wednesday, March 23

Read “Confessions of a Believer” (p. 18), and think of biblical and contemporary examples of each of the kinds of faith portrayed there.

Read 1 Corinthians 15:19-26. How do you view death in light of the resurrection? What do you expect to be the new reality when the final enemy is defeated?

Thursday, March 17

Thursday, March 24

St. Patrick’s Day. Who are some saints (officially designated or personal to you) who inspire you? What qualities do you admire in that person? Share at alivenow.org.

Maundy Thursday. Read the prayer on p. 40. Pick as a prayer the line that most speaks to you, and respond, “Free us to believe what we do not understand.”

Friday, March 18

Friday, March 25

Acts 10:34-43, Peter’s testimony to Caesarea summarizes the Gospel message. What would you add or omit if asked to make such a statement?

Psalm 118:1-2, 19-29 includes the wellknown line about the stone that was rejected and is now made the cornerstone. What rejected part of your doubt, sin, or brokenness has been made a cornerstone of your faith?

Good Friday. Read the passion story from Luke 23, and spend some time with the prayer on p. 41. When you doubt that love wins, what words of scripture do you turn to?

Saturday, March 19

As you read Luke 19:28-40, imagine the story from the vantage point of one character in story. What does your choice reveal about your faith story?

Holy Saturday. Read “That Terrible Pain” (p. 12). How do you think the disciples felt on Saturday? How does their and Mother Teresa’s doubt help you bear your own doubts? Read the prayer on p. 42.

Sunday, March 20

Sunday, March 27

Palm/Passion Sunday. Hang a leftover palm branch or another piece of greenery to remind you of Jesus’ journey during Holy Week. Read the prayer on p. 39.

Saturday, March 26

Easter. Christ is risen! Read the prayer on p. 43, and use as your breath prayer for today the phrase “Today we live resurrection” or another line that speaks to your joy. march /april

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daily reflections

march /april

Weekly Lectionary Texts

Monday, March 28

Monday, April 4

Acts 5:27-32 Psalm 150 Revelation 1:4-8 John 20:19-31

Read Acts 5:27-32. Religious leaders doubted the message of Peter and the apostles, who confidently defended the truth of their message. How would you respond to someone who expressed doubt about the Gospel? Tuesday, March 29

The season of Easter stretches for forty days until Pentecost. What practices help you linger in the strength of Easter faith? Share your experiences at alivenow.org. Wednesday, March 30

“Let everything that breathes praise the Lord!” As you go through your day, create a list of everything you see that breathes, and use it at the end of your day to construct a continuation of Psalm 150. Thursday, March 31

Revisit the Palm Sunday account in Luke 19:28-40. How has your perspective on that story grown? What character now best expresses your Easter faith? Friday, April 1

Read Revelation 1:4-8, noting the repetition of the phrase “who is and who was and who is to come.” Jot down words and phrases from scripture or hymns that describe these three dimensions of Christ. Saturday, April 2

Read John 20:19-31. We often refer to Thomas as Doubting Thomas. Why do you think Thomas’ story was an important one for the Gospel writers to tell? Listen to Audio Lectio for this passage at alivenow.org. Sunday, April 3

2nd Sunday of Easter. Read “The Center” (p. 25) as if it were the prayer of Thomas. How is presence an antidote to doubt? Where do you most strongly feel God’s presence?

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Acts 9:1-6, (7-20) Psalm 30 Revelation 5:11-14 John 21:1-19

Read Acts 9:1-6, (7-20) and “Faith Filled” (p. 30). Who do you know who needs assurance? How can your presence or prayers contribute to their trusting in God’s providence? Tuesday, April 5

Read “The Welcoming Prayer” (pp. 37-38). Try the exercise sometime today. Share your experience at alivenow.org. Wednesday, April 6

Read “The Next Step” (p. 28). When have you been stalled because you could not see the whole route? What kind of faith is needed to take a step into the unknown? Thursday, April 7

Read Psalm 30. The psalmist claims he will never be moved, but his joy being turned into dancing is a movement. When have you had to let go of a certainty to draw closer to God? Friday, April 8

Read Acts 9:1-6, (7-20). Saul’s dramatic conversion is paralleled by the conversion Ananias had to undergo to accept Paul as a Christian. What similar conversions have you seen in yourself or others? Share your story at alivenow.org. Saturday, April 9

Read Revelation 5:11-14, a vision containing angels, living creatures, and elders. How does their presence together represent a new heaven and new earth? Sunday, April 10

3rd Sunday of Easter. John 21:1-19 depicts a mix of the miraculous and the ordinary. Why is it significant that Jesus appears when the disciples have gone fishing?

daily reflections

march /april

Weekly Lectionary Texts

Monday, April 11

Monday, April 18

Acts 9:36-43 Psalm 23 Revelation 7:9-17 John 10:22-30

Read Acts 9:36-43. This story has many details that don’t seem essential to the story. Why do you think they were recorded? How and why do you remember details of the big stories of your life? Tuesday, April 12

Read “Our Companion” (p. 32). What is living with doubt as a companion like? What is living with the risen Christ as a companion like? What similarities as well as differences do you see? Share your reflections at alivenow.org. Wednesday, April 13

Read Psalm 23. Note that the readings this week have a pastoral theme. What other passages about shepherds and lambs are favorites for you? Read one of them aloud. Thursday, April 14

Re-read “Our Companion” (p. 32), focusing on the verbs in the second sentence. Which of these words best expresses God’s companionship with you? Make it a breath prayer for today. Friday, April 15

Read Revelation 7:9-17. How do you put together images of Christ as both shepherd and lamb? What other paradoxical images does this scene contain? Saturday, April 16

Read John 10:22-30. Jesus says his actions speak for him. Write a list of Jesus’ actions you think are evidence of his identity. Visit alivenow.org for Audio Lectio using this week’s Gospel lesson. Sunday, April 17

4th Sunday of Easter. Pastors are often compared to shepherds, and congregations are often called flocks. What are some of the strengths and limitations of these metaphors?

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Acts 11:1-18 Psalm 148 Revelation 21:1-6 John 13:31-35

Acts 11:1-18 continues to expand the definition of the Christian faith. With whom might you be reluctant to eat? How would their spiritual gifts affect your thinking? Tuesday, April 19

Read “In Our Doubts” (p. 36) as a prayer. What does committing to God’s way mean? How do you commit to this way even as you experience doubt? Share your reflections at alivenow.org. Wednesday, April 20

The poem “after the soul storm” (p. 35) contains many evocative sensory impressions. What other sights, smells, or sounds are reminders of faith for you? Share these reminders at alivenow.org. Thursday, April 21

Read Revelation 21:1-6. What images in this passage point back to other biblical texts? Pick one image, and make a sketch or a map showing how you envision it. Friday, April 22

Today is Earth Day. Spend some time in one of your favorite natural settings, and read Psalm 148 in thanksgiving for nature’s splendor. Saturday, April 23

Read John 13:31-35. In what sense is this new commandment different from other commandments? How is it the same? How does the moment when Jesus imparts the commandment change your understanding of it? Sunday, April 24

5th Sunday of Easter. How many words for love do you know in other languages? Look up a few of them, and see if you can discern any emphases in the qualities of love based on the linguistic roots. march /april

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last page Unlock the doors of fear and doubt. Let your faith spill into the streets! Jesus is risen! Death has no more claims on your life. In life, in death, in life after death, Christ is your life. Peace be with you. — Safiyah Fosua

48 ALIVE NOW SHARON BROWN CHRISTOPHER

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Next issue: May/June 2016

Wholeness