Irong-Irong 10 by USA Publications

About the Cover the green box represents the thoughts threatening to rise above the woman while the scratches depict her struggles in conceding. her back is turned to conceal her entirety; the universe is telling us how the truth is inseparable from who you are. We are the truth; and if we look for it elsewhere, we will be deceived every time.

USA Publications Editorial Board and Staff Academic Year 2015-2016

Stephanie Kay I. Urquiola Kevin Jerrol C. Erebaren EDITORS-IN-CHIEF

Edcel B. Fajutag MANAGING EDITOR

Erika Danielle M. Pepito Frennie M. Tababa Trishia Mae C. Molinos ASSOCIATE EDITORS

Gizelle Anne D. Villa Edcel B. Fajutag LITERARY EDITORS

Anne Catherine D. Malazarte ART DIRECTOR

Mara Elaiza A. Flores PHOTOGRAPHY EDITOR

Jordan C. Galache CIRCULATION MANAGER

Kristin Joseff R. Gagajena Resty John L. Palete Gizelle Anne D. Villa Marie Julienne V. Caballete RJ J. Remo SENIOR WRITERS

Wilkienson C. Muro Armie Therese C. Penuela Jecel T. Buenavides Rochelle Mae M. Muzones



The Official Student Literary Journal of the University of San Agustin Volume X, October 2015

Published in October 2015 by the UNIVERSITY OF SAN AGUSTIN PUBLICATIONS The Official Student Press Corps of the University of San Agustin 2/F Alumni Building, University of San Agustin General Luna Street, Iloilo City, Philippines 5000 Website: www.usa-pub.blogspot.com Email Address: usapublications1@gmail.com Telephone Number: (+63-33) 337-48-42 local 189 Copyright © 2015 by the USA Publications for the collection and the individual authors, artists, and photographers. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of this publication may be reproduced or stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form whether virtual, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise without written permission and approval from the owners. DISCLAIMER: This book, unless specified otherwise in the individual works, is a work of fiction. All the names, characters, organizations, and events portrayed are either products of imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or deceased, is entirely coincidental.

STAFF WRITERS

Daryl S. Selerio Herod A. Montiel Ronnyl B. Bulahan ARTISTS

Mary Johsyen E. Pabalinas John Elmer J. Balan Clyde Allen E. Sollesta PHOTOJOURNALISTS

Aimee Andrea D. Gaje Nicole Ailice F. Serisola Andrea Nicole C. Parce Melky B. Arboleda Jessa Madeleine P. Gange Philip Robert C. Alaban APPRENTICE WRITERS

May Anne T. Jaro MODERATOR

COLOPHON: This book was crafted into perfection using BONNIE, Caecilia LT Std, Miller, Swift, Elsie, Arial and Great Vibes typefaces. Page design and enhancements were done using Adobe Photoshop CS5, Adobe InDesign CS5, Adobe Illustrator CS5 and Adobe Photoshop Lightroom 5. The cover images were crafted by Anne Catherine D. Malazarte. The overall layout and book design were done by the USA Publications. PRINTED BY: Panorama Printing, Inc. Corner Simon Ledesma and Lopez Jaena Streets, Jaro, Iloilo City, Philippines 5000 USA Publications Responsive • Developmental • Research-based WANT SOME MORE OF IRONG-IRONG? Scan this code with your mobile device and read this volume of Irong-irong along with the previously published ones anytime, anywhere.

Can You Keep a Secret? “the most important journey you will take in your life will usually be the one of self transformation. often, this is the scariest because it requires the greatest changes, in your life.” – Shannon L. Alder here is nothing more exciting than the human spirit set ablaze. What’s fantastic about the human race is that we are completely, inevitably, different from each other. there is no person in this world, in the past, in the present, and in the future, who will be exactly like ourselves. We are the greatest collection of stories, we are so abundant with history. You could talk with someone about falling off a tree, but it’s never exactly the same. You could be half of a set of twins, and it’s still easy to admit that your lives are still so different from each other. We are a colorful race, we believe, not in the tones of our skin, but in the stories we’ve contributed to the world.

this year, we have decided to venture through the confessions and revelations residing inside the corners of the school, and even beyond. It has been a tremendous journey, having looked through the transparency complete strangers had to offer. We’ve waded through stories of unrequited love, death, self-hate, longing, regrets, being unwanted, and thoughts that were worth sharing with the world. Indeed, nobody said it was easy to be human. Nobody said it was easy to find our true meanings. We hope Irong-irong 10 inspires its readers to be brave, to never think they are alone in their struggle. Don’t be scared of your dragons. they say pressure is needed to create diamonds. Gizelle:

to God, who has always been my eternal fire of hope, thank you for never leaving me in times of struggle. to my family, thank you for having faith in me. here’s to many more late-night conversations in nanay’s bedroom. I love you all so much. to Penpen Dela torre, you deserve the power of levitation. If I had the means of giving you powers for floating around, I would’ve given it to you instantly. You think you’re not doing great in life, but I really think you are. Stay strong. things are going to get clearer, but it’s a lot to take in. to all the biology and Masscom pips, who’ve treated me like an actual friend and not an attachment, thank you. I’ll look for all of you in our reunions. Invite me to your weddings, okay? to the pubpips, you are all such cutiepies. thank you for helping me whenever you could and thank you for treating me like family. God bless your sweet, adorable souls. to our Pub moderator, Ma’am Jaro, thank you for all the help in editing and for being so kind. You’re really great. to Kat, who has stayed-up late for way too many nights for the sake of Irong-irong, I hope good karma comes back to you. You have a very beautiful soul and I really do think that the future’s got a throne for you. You are the Art Queen. Lastly, here’s to the lonely and misunderstood: You are all very special, and you don’t deserve to crumble in loneliness. better days are coming, just you wait. there’s a whole lot of love in store for you. edcel:

this, being my first volume of literary folio, I thank all the people who are behind the chance that has been given to me. to the Man above whom I talk to every night, I will forever praise Your name and thank You for giving light to me. to my father, who’s now in your hands, yet, still hasn’t stopped making me feel like he’s by my side, I will always treasure the very short time we’ve spent together, and to Mama, who always asks if I’m doing good and constantly making me feel her presence even though she’s far, I love you and I miss you both. to my family, who has always let me feel that I am surrounded by loving and thoughtful people, thank you! to the one who always pushes me to do better, yet, fond of doing mocks and laugh at me (haha!), by,? I love you and thank you for being a part of me. to my tekno mates, who have undoubtedly offered their inimitable artistry, Shin, Glyz, rod, Alyssa and Nang Kat, you are some of the wonderful people who are always ready to nobly offer their helping hands, and I thank you all for that. to my friends (you know who you all are. haha.), you have opened your doors to welcome me; you who have shared secrets and unveiled mysteries with me, thank you for letting me into your lives. We’ll continue discovering things as we stay bound till the end of time. to my fellow Pubpips, we’re just like complete-strangers-turnedinto-family and have linked our lives to each other. thank you for the time that we have shared our laughter and struggles as we take along our path in the publication. to Ma’am Jaro, who has shared her efforts until we’ve got everything done, thank you so much! to the kindest Panorama people, Ma’am Mercy, Ma’am Narly, Nong elmer, and especially Nong Gorge who impatiently guided us, thANK You! to our contributors, who have boldly shared their secrets and stories, this issue would be just a bind of plain white sheets if not because of you. Lastly, to the readers, these masterpieces will not be meaningful without you. So, get yourself ready to confess as you flip our revealing pages. have a smile! :)

dcel E & e l l e z i Giz

C O N T E N T S

\,É&#x2122;n-â&#x20AC;&#x2122;vÄ l\ unravel with me, be naked, be brave, be bold. there is peace in truth.

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“The Reality” KP

You make the mornings the nights, you then set the sunrise. the nebulas have slipped away. there is nothing to constellate, no orbs running through my veins. how could you, how dare you, change the equations of my universe? Float upon the stardust and behold at what you have done to me Illogical undefined unanswerable unforgivable the darkness – no longer palpable, but is the light. Come, gravity, do not leave me now. Moons upon moons upon moons upon moons – that should not be. Jupiter cannot have that many moons; Saturn did not have that many rings. there is a tune time sings to me, but how do I comprehend? Light walks away slowly, quietly – I hear a melody. Is it your voice? how nice must it feel to be a universe of euphony. And as you rebuild, redraw… rewrite this song of numbers, hush… pray tell – what am I to be? 7

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Miracle Reвaled (A true ﬆory) Marjorie Maido

few months after I entered the university to accomplish a long overdue career, my husband was diagnosed with metastatic parotid gland cancer and the news almost broke his spirit. As we were separated by distance because of the nature of his work, I could only imagine how he endured when the doctors told him of his predicament. As for me, I don’t have any right to complain. I should not be ungrateful. Somebody up there has prepared me enough for this ordeal by giving me work before anything happens to my significant other. but the question “why me?” lingered in my husband’s mind for quite a time that I would often tell him, he must be loved by God, because out of the seven billion people he created, he is chosen to suffer with him. of course, he did not see any logic in every word I said. he is never prayerful. he does not even know how to recite the basic prayers. As a family tradition, we always go to church on Sundays, but I have not asked him if he prayed for something in particular. but even with his flaws, no one could ever question his generosity, his love for his family, and his selflessness to others. With these traits, I did not believe or I try not to believe God will allow him to be gulped by misery. We started scouting for the best possible medical help we can avail of. And fortunately, we bumped into the right people. however, because his cancer is not that common for many medical practitioners here in Iloilo City, we decided to go to Manila and seek the experts in the field. through many willing strangers, we fell into the lap of a kind-hearted and highly intelligent doctor. As chemotherapy and radiation may bring more injury rather than cure, he was not given any medical intervention. All he had to do was to monitor the lumps and be vigilant to seek medical attention when he felt that the lumps were growing. there were a number of lumps in both sides of his parotid glands and doctors’ primary advice was for him to undergo operation and remove the glands to prevent the cancer cells from multiplying. his previous tests even revealed that his lungs contained lumps already. We were not ready for an operation then. With what we were facing, I talked to the kids to prepare them for the worse. each of us compromised as we tried to save the family from more burdens. our three kids decided to transfer from private schools to public schools as the latter are more sustaining. Nobody ever complained, nobody

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ever made demands. each of them became sensitive to their father’s needs and showed him the love he missed from the many years he was away from the family because of his work. I cried seeing God has been doing it so easy for us. After a while, I saw that my husband has been losing weight and that must have been some sort of a signal that his body is deteriorating. Aside from that, he tended to forget so many things and the kids broke into tears one day when they told me their father forgot to fetch them from school. A cook as good as he was, his cooking faltered many times. Sometimes, they were too salty that I decided to throw the food away as our kidneys may all swell, and some other times, they were too bland. We decided to do some double intervention. First, having talked to people in the same situation, a friend introduced the healing effect of a miracle plant or acitaba. For six months, my husband would chew leaves of acitaba and would alternate it with guyabano leaves. Second, if his body eventually succumbs to cancer, he must have saved his soul. So we went deep soul-searching, attended retreats, seminars and even joined a religious organization to deepen our faith in the Almighty. I saw a big change in him after the succeeding months. even without me, my husband would visit a church and pray fervently for a miracle. After a year or so, when finally he was ready for the operation, he consulted his doctor and made to undergo a series of tests to determine how the lumps have grown. We are already prepared for the bad news and we have arranged how the kids should be taken cared of when we are away. While waiting for the results, we had a brief escape to the Church of our Lady of Manaoag in Pangasinan to pray for a miracle. When we went back to Manila for his MrI results, we could hardly believe his doctor’s prognosis. the lumps were gone that even the doctor just can’t explain how, and there was no trace left of cancer cells. We cried with unexplainable joy in our hearts. “Nothing is impossible to him.”

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An ode to the optƣn on her 18th birthday Andrea Nicole C. Parce

eople enter doors and leave. they enter at the most awkward stage in your life and leave you hanging. they leave you with the thought that they are still, consistent, existing…but the truth is you’ve been fooled, yet you beg for more. that’s why I had to question myself for not taking lunch that day. because of all the rooms you seemed to know, you walked into rh28 and ruined my whole life, the way I wanted it to be ruined. Kapintas sang kabuhi sang tawo, Ang butang nga permanente amo lang ang pagbag-o, tulukon ikaw sang makadali kag bayaan nga daw sa piho, Indi na gani ka balikid, Indi na kapangonsiho, Ikaw nadulaan na sang balor, nga daw lima ka sentimo. ruined. hijacked. Crumpled. broken. that’s what I get for spoiling myself with the presence of you. It’s an incurable disease. but then, I’d rather prevent myself from the endless cures available, rather than brood and grieve when I see you with her. I know I should not be bothered. but what if one day, you wake up realizing that what you thought of these past months were mere illusions and unwanted desires? What if you’re already gone and you don’t want me to know? What if you’re already gone, and I’ve been staring at it for a long time now, setting it aside and ignoring it because it’s too hard to admit? What if we both know that we are lost? when will we find ourselves? Wala sang kakugma, Kung wala sang balatyagon. Wala sang kasakit, Kung wala nagahampang ang panahon. Kag wala sang kalipay kong ikaw isa lamang ka opsyon. I find pleasure from these little things. I understand every single detail and every spec of reason that you had to be with her. but sometimes I wonder, what would be the now if I happened first, and she never happened at all? Would our lives not be as complicated as it is? Will I ever understand the concept of giving up and accepting everything? even if sometimes, I wish you would choose me, just like what I saw back at rh 28, when everything was plain and simple. You looking at me, me looking at you, and we both suddenly smiled.

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Wish

Arra Bea del Pilar

I never smiled like this before, Not until I met you. From that day on, I just can’t, in any way, Stop thinking about you. From the way your hair looks, to the way your eyes sparkle. how your voice sounds, to me, it is like a song. You see, I just can’t get enough of you. the way that you speak fascinates me every time, your aspirations, your random thoughts pull me closer and closer to you. how I wish you knew. oh, how I wish that you’ll have a clue on how much I like you. Yes, you. No one else, Just you.

ART | GLYZEL JOY V. ALBERTO

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Granted

Yan Germinanda

I loved jeepney rides because of you. Well, actually, because of that night; two strangers —once— Sitting side by side In solace that each provides. hearing you talk with ease, Watching your captivating smile, there was no dead air— For even in silence We were never awkward. And, to be honest, In that slow, passing moment, I badly wanted to know how my hand would fit yours. You see, I like you. A lot. even before that jeepney ride, even before I knew your name— And I thought it’d be my secret to keep— I was mistaken; For the heavens granted me a chance to fulfil and reciprocate your ‘WISh’. 13

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Your Princess Stephanie Kay L. Urquiola

Dear Papa, I liked your handwriting Papa. It’s weird that this is the first thing I want to say. Actually, it feels like this is the only thing I want to say. It’s amazing how my so-called ability to put my thoughts into words come to a stop when I actually want to use it. I originally wanted to use a really fancy quote just so this letter would look better on paper; but I know no fancy saying would ever feel as good as my own words. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I grew up thinking you were the bad guy. I’m sorry I felt like guys who reminded me of you were guys I should stay away from. I’m sorry I never got to say I was sorry. I remember going to my room after that big fight you had with Mama. I remember seeing you just sitting there, making the sounds no daughter ever wanted to hear from her dad: you were crying. I remember sitting beside you and asking you what was wrong. I remember you hugging me and saying ‘Wala. Magiging okay din lahat.’ how would you know Papa? I wanted to say the same words back to you. I wanted to tell you na ‘Diba naging okay din lahat?’ We didn’t have the greatest relationship. We were far from winning the ‘closest father-daughter’ award. but I love you. I loved waking up in the middle of the night, and hearing the television playing in the living room, which meant you were awake. I loved waking up in the middle of the night to join you. I loved how you laughed at the silliest things. I loved how you loved your movies. I still watch your favorite movies. I realize now that they had all the same things in common: they showed how the main character somehow always managed to turn things around. It’s so easy to remember the good times now. but I remember the bad times, too. I remember the broken promises, the monkey-in-the-middle game I used to play between you and Mama. the fights, the nights I wondered if this would be the night somebody would leave. I didn’t get to grow up in a perfect family Papa, pero I do hope that you don’t regret having me as your daughter. because despite everything, I wouldn’t choose anyone else to be my father. You were funny and you loved to tell stories. I see now where I got that from. You were very easily scared, too. I know because no matter how mad

WATER COLOR | AJ ROSALEM

Mama was at you, she always liked hiding behind the door to scare you when you came home. I liked seeing you two like that, like you were actually two separate people before life forced you to face each other. I’ve only recently gotten the courage to read our old messages. It hurt so much to realize that you did try to reach out. It hurt to see my curt replies after you said ‘You look like a princess pangga. I love you. Aaayusin ko lahat, kaunting tiis na lang.’ I feel your love everyday Papa. I feel your regret. I never got to say this. I never got to say how much I loved you. I never got to say how there wasn’t anything left for me to forgive because I loved you too much to be mad at you. I was disappointed and I was hurt, but never more than that. I’m sorry I never got to say goodbye, Papa. I’m sorry I never had the courage to say the words I needed to say. I’m sorry if you didn’t get to hear me say this. Magiging okay din ang lahat Papa. Your Princess, Nieka

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In reply to K

Your warm brown eyes drift to mine And as they meet, I turn crimson. Your ruffled hair as dark as night, a void I’ve numbly fell into. My stormy eyes settle on your face, All sharp angles; soft and pale. the deep planes of your nose and lips speak a cautionary tale Lips ghost the letters of a name that I seemingly know so well. butterflies take wing and flutter As I whisper, “raphael.”

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(A) Little Loв Ayah Granada

Magkalaro raw tayo sa aking kama. Nagtatawanan. Nagtititigan. Ito ang kwento ng ating simula, sabi nila. Natutong magtampuhan. “Isauli mo na kasi!” at naghanap-hanapan. hanggang sa makaabot na tayo sa kung saan-saan. Pakiramdam ko tayo’y nasa tuktok ng Mayon sa itaas ng punsong iyon. Pero doon nagsimula ang pananakit mo. umalis. Naghanap ng iba sa tabi-tabi.

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Dapithapon CAS

Inay, nasaan ka na? Dapithapon na’y wala ka pa rin Nakapagluto na ako ng ating kakainin Inay, nasaan ka na? Kahit sinong tanungin ay hindi nagsasabi Kung nasaan ka, o, aking pinakamamahal na Inay Kapag ako’y nasa bahay parang walang nangyayari o, nasaan ka na, aking Inay? hanggang isang araw ay nagising na lamang ako Sa ospital, ang Itay nagmamadaling tumakbo Ang Inay raw, sabi niya ay inatake sa puso At tuluyan nang huminto ang kanyang mga pulso. Ako ma’y humahagulhol sa loob Ngunit tinanggap ang tadhana ng nilukob Sapagkat iyan ang ‘yong iniwang bakas Kaya’t ako’y nanatiling matatag sa labas. Inay, nasaan ka na? Ako’y nangungulila sa iyong presensya Ang aking natatanging hiling sa ngayon Sana’y tayo’y magtagpo sa huling dapithapon. 18

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Butterﬂy Eﬀect Karen Bernadette Vergara

the butterfly’s wings—so fragile and small Flutter strongly against the storm. A left here, a right there Detour almost everywhere. butterfly, butterfly so tiny and small Don’t you ever think… this reality’s just a possibility at all?

ART | GLYZEL JOY V. ALBERTO 19

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Paano Ko Sasabihin RJ Remo

Sa bawat sandali'y lalong lumalalim Ang kalungkutang hindi maitago kahit sa dilim Luhang ayaw nang dumaloy pang muli Ang siyang lalong nagpapasikip ng dibdib nitong huli Isang ngiting asong inihayag Para damdami'y hindi maibunyag Aura na akala mo'y masaya Ngunit kabaliktaran naman pala Pinagmuni-munihan nang kaytagal Ngunit mayroong sadyang sagabal Mahal mo siya nang buong puso Na siyang dumudurog ng aking puso Lahat ng oras handang ialay Kahit sa iyo'y simpleng bagay handa kang mahalin nang walang kapalit Na hindi ititigil kahit isang saglit hadlang man ito sa aking kasiyahan Na alam ko namang walang aasahan Paano ko kaya sasabihin Na balang araw, sana ako'y mahalin mo rin.

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To my Greek Friend, Peppas Ervin Alingalan

oscar Wilde said that a personality is a very mysterious thing, you cannot always estimate a man by what he does, that you achieve your own perfection by being yourself. So, you chose to be yourself. Sometime before, you played the roles of different people, thinking somehow you might find that other person you’ve been long searching for. At first, you enjoyed being someone else. At times, you tried to be vagrant, walking, beneath the starless evening, wandering in busy, foreign streets; surprised of your own weariness, it dawned on you that you are not yourself, you don’t belong there in that foreign, unknown land. Also, perhaps out of despair or simply the things of time, of fate, these abstruse phenomena, you tried to fill that emptiness in the love of a woman; yes, you would admit that it delights you, for a while for a long extended while (how you hope it would be forever—those lost moments—) though emotions keep recurring you don’t know how, hoping again, in vain, to ensnare those sweet, divine pleasures of life that the savage time snatched away. old and tired, you looked at your haggard face in the depths of the mirror you noticed that the stranger that stared back at you, seems to you, familiar as like you, how his head has gone bald, for a while, in silence of night you pondered at the strangeness of the moment. Is it a revelation? You asked yourself, and unaware, tears streamed from those wilting eyes. You wanted to embrace him, to make him feel that he’s not neglected. Why it took such a long time, you wonder, why only now you don’t know, we both don’t know, but there’s still time, you know it, from your heart, it’s not that late to love that other person, who is yourself. time had taught us, my friend to learn from our mistakes; make that other person happy, no matter what, for that’s the only thing that matters in this world, nothing else. My dear friend, if i’d be given a chance to be born again to choose whoever I want to be, without hesitation, I’d choose to be you, because you are pure at heart. 3-march-2014 (venezuela)

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Reвlatƣns Kevin Jerrol Erebaren

he mountainside is my home. our house was like a personal sanctuary amongst an unhallowed forest of trees, grasses, herbs, bricks and stones. Amidst the greenery and the concrete environment, one who was raised amongst them would develop a healthy appreciation and love for the environment. the beauty it holds and behold is truly magnificent. Local folklore and Filipino culture though would say that beyond that beautiful exterior lies dark secrets that nature hides and keeps especially at the cover of the night. that is the reason why every evening, people would lock up creaking doors and draw curtains closed, leaving the screeching bugs outside not out of spite but to keep the darkness from seeping in. “evils abound lurking in the shadows of those woods. be vigilant or the darkness may end up taking you.” Whenever these evils creep up around, people always seek the one who is capable most — God. religious fanatics always believe that evil constantly surrounds us. From every waking moment you undergo to every decision you possibly can make. the devil and his demons spew disharmony chaos that led to everything that went out wrong. From natural calamities to personal problems suffered and undergone. this is the reason that the ministers and pastors, churches and religious institutions took over to pacify the evils of the world and dictate to their followers the proper way of doing so. As time went by, people got satisfied by the dictation being done and refused to test the norms. the devil is everywhere and it might be too risky to venture out to the unknown. As long as evil cannot seep close within our boundaries, it is better to close off our hearts to the world to avoid being tainted. “the devil’s taking over the world. Corruption is evident and it is easy to be contaminated,” said the congregation leaders as they lecture their followers to do what is right. It is for the sake of the religion, they say, but most of these religious leaders made their interpretation of the religion on their own. “You’ve accepted God into your heart?” they would lecture every day, during their congregations and sermons. “You know what happens if you don’t, right?”

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of course, people knew. how many times have these figureheads described in gory detail the afterlife that all the sinners and non-believers were damned to enter? explaining with full force the different types of eternal suffering one could endure to remind and scare their followers not to stray on their intended paths. the thought of evils out in the forest often is enough to keep people thinking, keeping them up at night in deep contemplation about the impact their decisions will have in their lives. rigid and unbending, what was intended by the heavens as a means to help mankind usher in an era of peace and solidarity, became a godly prison enforced by men. Like a never ending summer solstice, tensions grew and arose as what religion once intended to do to keep out evil became a competition to see who is correct. the kind where the air is heavy, and it feels like it’s weighing you down. Figureheads with their heads held high and condescending, guarding the entrances to their respective sanctuaries from outside interlopers. I find these arguments petty and funny. Despite all the warnings and the threat of impending evil upon my shoulders, I ventured out amongst the trees. venturing out to see the unknown that surrounds me. I could only vanish so far into the trees before I slowed down to a walk. being under the protection of the foliage was oddly soothing. unlike what they say, I caught no sense of a menacing presence lurking nearby. Mighty and majestic trees line the landscape while the leaves rustle amidst the wind playing a symphony no mortal composer can make. they were dressed in verdant moss, and light was filtering in from their canopy just slightly, tinted green as it pushed its way through the leaves. birds were singing their sweet arias from the branches. their song was far more beautiful than any lullaby anybody can even dream of singing. I’ve never seen anything like it. And so I let my mind wander and ponder. I imagined nature’s beauty while on top of a mountain elevation. then, high up that the clouds were below me and the entire world fell down close to me like panting. So close to the roof of the world that it felt as if I only needed to stretch my hand out and stand on my toes I’d be able to touch heaven’s beginning. or when one camp out at night by the side of a lake so big you cannot watch the end of it. how the stars would reflect its even surface as if it were a mirror, and when I would look across the lake towards the horizon, I could not distinguish where the land ended and the heavens began. It was with these wonders that I began to truly believe in God. I had an epiphany… God was everywhere, not just in the pages of a book or within

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the walls of a church, but out there in the world he made. You can see him in the brightness of a daybreak or in the calming sounds of a moving stream or still in a field of blooms. that finding God all you must do is look at the world around us and you’ll see him reflected in his work. I mean, look at this, look at this world. to me, it’s a wonder to behold, a treasure to explore, I never could understand how people can get on living their lives without just giving up and gazing at it all the time. Look at how everything in the universe fits together just right, at how everything need to puzzle out in tandem with one another to function, from the smallest ant to the largest mountains. how can someone gaze upon this world and not find out that someone delivered a hand in its design. this creation is so hideous, yet, so very beautiful; a globe full of painful screams yet filled with joyful laughter. Something like this cannot be done by simple luck. that is why I believed in the existence of God. Not because of a religious minister that tells me it is so or because of a script that is a copy of another script that is a copy of another which commands me to consider. I believe because I look upon the world and see him reflected within it. I really believe that the best means to know God, that to learn of him you must not look through the pages of a script or the speech of a sermon, but by traveling and experiencing his creation. I desired to take in the world itself, to learn of all of his creation that exists inside it so I can understand him more. those religious heads spent the remainder of their lives attempting to ensure trust in their faith. truth be told, I found more compelling evidence among the beauty of the forest more than the booming of their voices. there was absolutely no denying the divinity found in something as uncomplicated as a flower blooming or a tree rising out of the seemingly dead world. Life itself is something so amazing, and those ministers wasted theirs by squabbling over whose right or wrong. those people, they didn’t realize that what they were doing wasn’t religion. religion is the relation between an individual and God. It was a one on one connection, and it is between just the two of them and no one else. No man, no priest has the right to get between them or say whether a person is good or bad in the eyes of the Almighty. or choose whether you are going to heaven or hell. only God can decide that, but they claim to speak in his name as if God had personally walked down from the gates of paradise and appointed them as his voice. We live in the same world he created after all.

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Midnight HallucinatĆŁns Gabbie G. Oserraos

Â I was the story you found discarded on the sidewalk with a pyramid of broken beer bottles and blood like ink smeared on fingers tight against a splintered baseball bat. You asked me if I saw beauty in the stars cluttering the deep dark blue of the night sky as you deliberately wiped away the confusion coagulated with grime and guilt on a face that bore witness to the realization of a thousand unmendable mistakesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; If I had not lost the language I inherited from the laughing barren indifferent gods who raised me from childhood and struck me down when I tried to become more than who I am, If I still had the language I unearthed from the weeping fertile sympathetic world who tried to raise me, but struck me down instead when I tried to leave the life I was drowning in, I would have told you that the stars held the magnificence of a finite existence culminating

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Phantom Marshy

You do not know me but, rest assured, I won't hide in the shadows for long. I just need to get this off my chest, somehow, as part of me slowly reveals what has long been kept inside this beating heart of mine. For quite a long time, I have been watching you from afar with such awe. I often times come across you at school in different locations and those simple meetings have given bliss to my feeble heart. You see, I never forgot your face; your smirk, actually. I do not know if you still remember this, but we went to the same departmental leadership training back in those days and had this crazy getting-to-know-each-other activity. I surely do not know if the statement I gave about you triggered the smirk you threw my way, but I never forgot you from then on because of that. I badly wanted to approach you in school and say 'hi' whenever we crossed paths, but fear always overcame me. I fear rejection; no, I only actually fear being rejected by you. rejected in a sense that you might think I'm one of those 'feeling close' students or you might not actually remember me from the leadership training as much as I remember you. I wanted to make up for that 'somehow wrong' first impression. though, approaching you was something I never did. I never bothered to smile at you nor wave nor give a slight nod of the head in recognition. I acted as if I did not know you and forgot that first meeting. I acted as if it was just a passing moment in my life, yet, it wasn't and I could never deny it to myself. because, you should know, that every chance I could get to look at you, and see your sunny smile or hear your hearty laugh, I always tried to grab it, for it also paints a smile upon my face to see you happy. You mattered to me in ways that I could never imagine and it scared me because I was still in a relationship at that time. It somehow felt wrong. What scared me even more was the day I realized I was already in deep trouble when my heart ached seeing you happy in someone else's arms. And, in that very moment, it pushed me to just stay away and never even bother to get your name or say 'hi.' I never got the chance to see you again for the rest of the 2nd semester that school year. Not long after, I became single and available. A new academic year came and I saw you once again unexpectedly. You sported a new look; you cut your hair short. Funny thing is, in the succeeding days, I came to find out that you were the sibling of my friend's girlfriend, and that was how I was able to get your name. I did not expect though, that, after such a long time that we haven't crossed paths, you still had that same effect on me. You beguile me. but, somehow, now I was cautious. I remembered that you were in a relationship. remembering that fact, I somehow wished I was in that lucky person's placeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;the one who owns your heart. It led me to wonder; does that person treat your right? understand you? Make sure you're okay? Keep you safe and sound? Paint a smile on your face every chance he could get? Give you love 28

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that you truly deserve? because, to be honest, when I look at you, I want to be the one doing that for you; I want to be the one to treat you right, understand you to the best that I can, make sure you are better than just okay, keep you safe and sound, paint a smile on your face or make you laugh every moment that I can and, most of all, be the one to love you truly because you deserve it. though, to think of it pains me. It pained me that all I could ever be is a distant stranger to you. It pained me to think that maybe our paths were really meant to cross only once. It pained me that because of my cowardice I am now helplessly and silently loving you from afar. but all that is bound to change... If this simple note could ever reach you, somehow, I want you to know that I am here. I am that someone who is willing to be there by your side when you need a hand to squeeze or a shoulder to cry on. I am that someone who is willing to look silly in front of you just to see your face light up with a smile or hear you crack up in laughter. I am that someone who is willing to wipe your tears and give you butterfly kisses all over the face until you feel better. I am that someone who is willing to run to you in aid and wrap my arms around you in protection when someone tries to hurt you. I am that someone who loves you—all your flaws and imperfections, your quirkiness and jolliness, the real You—from the shadows... before. And now, because of this love I have for you, I am willing to take the risk and step out. I only wish you remember this face. I only wish you remember me. I only wish that you would notice me, too, whenever we come across each other on random days. I only wish that that first meeting also mattered to you. And, if you would allow me to show you my love; even in its flawed and imperfect state, this love is yours to have and cherish—a kind of love that now understands pain and healing, acceptance and self-worth. If you would, allow me to show you your own self-worth and help you accept your own flaws and imperfections. If you would, allow me to know and feel your own struggles and pain and help you heal the scars over time. If you would; this is but a simple note, me stripping off from my chest the truth that has long been kept. I hope you would remember. See you around, girl from Ab Communications. Yours truly, the student from bS Information technology 29

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Hating-gabi Rebel

Pauwi na’t nanggaling pa sa eskwela, Gutom at pagod, akin nang nadarama, Nang napagtanto’y, “Aba! Gabi na pala,” bilisan na’t baka’y mapagalitan pa. Sa dyipni ni manong, ako na’y bumaba, Napahinto sa eskinita’t natulala, ba’t pag-iisip tila’y di mapayapa? Ano nga ba sa aki’y gugunita? “hay! bahala na,” bulong ko sa sarili, Kumibit balika’t di na nag atubili, Nagsimulang maglakad nang patabingi, Nang di mahuli’t gabi na nakauwi. Maingat na pumuslit sa loob ng bahay, Sa kasamaang palad ay ‘di nagtagumpay, tanging lumabas sa bunganga’y, “Ayayay!” Sa sobrang kaba’y tila’y mawalan ng malay. Gumunita sa aki’y masasakit na salita, Di nakuntento’t sa kapitbahay ako’y pinahiya, Sigaw, tulak, sinaktan at minura; Ng taong ‘di ko naman tunay na ama. Ako’y nag impake ng wala sa sarili, Natangay ng galit, ako’y walang nasabi. Ang tanging nasa isip; ngayong hating-gabi, Sa tahanang ito’y di na mananatili.

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Langit ay may Laman Tux

Dito sa mundong ibabaw Kasiyahan at pighati’y ating saklaw Ngunit sa ating pagpanaw May buhay pa kaya tayong matatanaw? buhay ko’y labis sinasamsam Araw gabi’y aking inaalam Natatangi kung ituring ng karamihan bigay ng pinaniniwalang di namasdan batid ko sa aking puso Ang paniniwala na tila tukso hindi man maituturing na sala Pero patuloy sa aking gumagambala Panginoon! tawag ng puso’t isipan Sa Kanya ako nananahan Yaring bunga ng aking tiwala tiwala na tila basag na bintana Sa pagsira ko ng aking bintana batid ko ang hangin na marahang nananalagsa Kailangan ko bang takpan na ito? o patuloy na papabayaan na lang Na habang buhay nakanganga at maguho? o, Ano nga ba talaga ang dapat kong paniwalaan? Na magbibigay sa akin ng kabuluhan Diyos na humahalili, mayroon ang sanlibutan, o tanging sanlibutan na dala sa atin ay duling na kariktan? Sa ngayon, aking patuloy na panghahawakan Prinsipiyong malimit nilang pakinggan Pero sa pagpatak ng oras ng kagipitan May paniniwala pa ring langit ay may laman.

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I/Her/She Hugin

She hides her pain in plain sight behind her lively deceiving smile she lies No one knows that her pains cause her insanity Internally, of course, so no one would see. her exuberance and positivity is contagious but her poison-filled scars are just plain dangerous Silently being stacked to prevent her anguish She would breathe and smile her way through this. things, sometimes, become so tough that she is on the verge of releasing the cap that holds her bottled up frustrations then, she realizes she’ll have to close it up again. “Patience does not last forever”—that was what she said She cried internally every time her pride and principles were being denied She would just stop, breathe and close her mouth that was what she was like throughout her college life. but there’s this one day she decided she has had enough of the people whining about their miserable lives People who only think of themselves, And that was when everything she kept exploded And then, she finally snapped.

SKETCH | GLYZEL JOY V. ALBERTO

Unsaid kim_key22

My fingers are fidgeting My palms are sweating My lips get dry even when I wet them again and again My whole body trembles with the thought of you the truth is I go crazy whenever you’re near Your scent set me to the edge Your hair looks amazingly perfect You’re flawless from head to toe the truth is, I even envy you With someone like you, I see nothing wrong You’re a masterpiece not hung on museum walls A walking art, creation of glory You are you, I idolize you Maybe I sound surreal or like a lunatic but no one is as beautiful as you You’re my one and only princess My queen and duchess You’re my ruler and love If only you,my princess, Can hear my confession I would’ve been your prince by now. 33

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Skin isn't juﬆ what we haв Patricia Alexis Molino

bones are more complex in their structure. Without these 206 bones in the standard human skeleton, we become delicate, feeble, or weak. truly, bones aren’t all that we have. but these are the ones that picture us all to equality. Different sorts of equality, I’m sure you know what I mean. Provided, that we all have our skin. each of us has distinct outer appearances. In my defense, to sum it all up, we are still evenhanded bones covered up by our uniquely diverse skin. bones make us equal. We reveal too much (skin), but not enough. We can’t reveal everything (bones).

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Panagu-ay Edcel B. Fajutag

Palangga tana ka halin pa sang una, Wala ko lang napabalo kay indi ko pa kaya. Gusto ko na gid tane ipabalo sa imo Pero gahulat lang ako sang sakto nga tiyempo. Ako gapangimon sa tunga sang kagab-ihon Ang imo nga guya muna akon panumdumon Indi ko kabalo sang akon himuon Sa imo bala ini akon hambalon? Kulba ang amo nga gapanguna sa akon, Gakurog ang atay pati akon kurason. Kay palangga ta gid ka tani imo mabatyagan Pero ako nahuya kung imo gid mahibal-an. Pero akon nabatian sa isa ka abyan Nga pareho ta kuno sang aton nabatyagan Nagtuod gid man ang akon napangabay! Kadugay na gale kita naga panagu-ay?

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P.S. : I ﬆill Loв You For you, whom I still love

I will tell you now And tell you true. that once upon a time, I fell for you. oh, boy! oh boy! those eyes of yours, I can’t help but grin. tell me what your secret is, why I love your gentle voice. I know it’s another fantasy, And the reality is you won’t like me, too. Just like Cinderella in glass slippers, as the midnight strikes, it’s all back to reality. As I close my eyes, I see your face. As I calm myself, I hear you sing. oh, it’s so hard to fade this out, If every angle is all about you. So I will tell you now, And tell you true. P.S: I Still Love You

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Fraud benteUNO

this is a fraud. Don’t continue reading. but if you want to, I’m not stopping you. Just remember, this is a fraud. I am not patient. I am not understanding. I am not the girl that you used to know. I am not what I am today. this is a fraud. Will you still continue? I guess, I’m right. You believed me. You trusted me. You loved me. even though I did tell you, this is a fraud. the term, “You and Me”, started with a fraud. started with a YeS. started with a test, but you still continued. then, this is no longer a fraud.

WATERCOLOR | AJ ROSALEM 38

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To You wrecker

rying to forget you makes me feel worse. It’s like I am living in denial. I have no right to imagine me and you together, but I just can’t help it.

there’s so much going through my head when I think about you. I have these little fantasies of us in my head. but who am I to claim that you’re mine? I don’t own you. I don’t own your heart. I don’t own your love. I’m just pouring out the words coming in my head right now. but there are some signs, you know. they’re leading me on. before I get fully deceived, I remind myself to stop assuming. because I don’t know if you really like me back. I can’t read you. I have a lot of questions, and I want some answers. Some more answers. I hope you answer them in person.

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Nang Dahil sa Pag-Ibig Peymus Femme

adilim. Nakabibingi ang natatanging katahimikang sumisigaw sa aking mga tainga. Nangangapa ako sa gitna ng kawalan ngunit ni ano’y walang mahagilap. Wala akong maramdaman maliban sa saliw ng pagtibok ng puso na kinasanayan ko’t naging musika sa aking pandinig. hindi ko rin magawang imulat ang aking mga mata dahil sa katotohanang nababatid ko: madilim ang mundong aking kinalalagyan. Nakakaramdam ako ng lamig na mas nagpalala ng hapis na aking iniinda kaakibat ng katotohanang ako’y nag-iisa sa dimensyong tila ako lamang ang nabubuhay. Matagal na panahong ninais kong makita ang liwanag ng pag-asa, ang mahawakan man lamang o madama ang tamis na dulot nito sa buong pagkatao ng isang nilalang. Ito ang naging buhay ko sa loob ng inaakala kong panghabangbuhay na. Nang bigla kang nagparamdam. Para akong nagising mula sa napakalalim na pagkakatulog nang naramdaman ko ang iyong presensya. Ngunit sa paggising ko’y tila panaginip naman ang aking nasumpungan dahil sa angking ligayang naidulot mo, ligayang ni hindi ko man lamang nakilala sa realidad kung saan ako namumuhay. Napuno ang aking puso ng sayang bumalot sa kabuuan nito. Para ring mayroong isang makapal na kumot ang yumakap sa aking buong pagkatao dulot ng bawat haplos na sa tuwina’y iyong ipinadarama na naghahatid ng init na esensyal upang mabuhay. Sa ibang pamamaraa’y idinulog mo ako sa liwanag ng pag-asa na naging mailap at matagal kong hinanap. Madalas mong ibulong ang pag-ibig mo para sa akin at hindi ko lubos maarok ang damdamin ko sa tuwing binabanggit mo ito. Sa kalauna’y nagbunga ang pag-ibig na iyong ipinadarama ng isa pang mas marubdob na pag-ibig na umusbong mula sa kaibuturan ng aking pagkatao. tila ba may kakaibang koneksyon na namamagitan sa ating dalawa na hindi ko rin mabatid kung ano. Napapanatag ang aking loob sa tuwing ramdam ko ang bawat pagyakap mo na naghahatid ng mensahe ng tunay na pagmamahal. Pinasan mo ako’t naging aking mga paa. Minulat mo ako sa ganda ng buhay at naging aking mga mata kung saan nakabuo ako ng larawan ng isang marikit at maaliwalas na mundo. tayo ay pinagbuklod at pinagsama ng mga pusong iisa ang tinitibok, iisa ang sinasabi at hinahangad. Nadarama ko ang iyong bawat hinagpis, ang iyong bawat saya, ang iyong bawat daing at sakit mula sa mundong puno ng dagok at kabiguan. Ipinaranas mo sa

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akin ang mga bagay na bago sa aking kamuwangan. Pinawi mo ang lahat ng takot at pagdududa hanggang sa pinakamaliit na bahagi nito sa aking kabuuan. Matagal na nawaglit sa aking isipan ang katotohanang ako’y nasa anino ng kawalan nang dahil din sa iyo. Dumating ang puntong sinakluban ako ng matinding kahinaan. Ang kandila ng pag-asang inihandog mo’y unti-unting naubos at natunaw. Ang ilaw nito’y nilalamon na ng labis na kadiliman. Pilit kong nilabanan ang isang dagok na sumubok sa aking katatagan ngunit parang naging isang laro ang lahat. Kumapit ako sa pinakamaliit na pagasang natitira ngunit sa huli’y ramdam ko na ang pagkatalo. Masyado nang masakit ang pagkapit sa isang bagay na itinadhanang mahulog, mawala at mabura sa mukha ng mundo. Isinuko ko ang lahat bagamat kaakibat nito’y tiyak na dalamhati at pagkabigo. Dito kita mas lalong minahal. Dito ko mas napatunayan kung gaano katibay ang iyong pag-ibig sa isang di hamak na tulad ko. Sa gitna ng pagkakalunod ko sa kabiguan dulot ng aking kahinaan ay siya namang pag-usbong ng lakas at katatagan mo sa pakikipaglaban at pakikidigma sa tiyak na kawalan. Sa pagkapit mo ay mas lalo kong nabatid kung gaano katunay ang madalas mong sabihing mas nauna mo akong minahal. Gamit ang pag-ibig na iyong nag-iisang sandata, pinalawak mo ang saklaw ng posibilidad sa mundong puno ng kabiguan at pait. hinawakan mo ang aking mga kamay nang walang pag-aalinlangan at walang bahid ng pagsuko’t pagbitaw. bagamat may iniindang sakit dulot ng katotohanang limitado ang iyong lakas bilang isang tao at ang kaisipang tuluyan na akong mamamaalam, ipinamalas mo ang isang impit na pananalig na lahat ay hahantong sa liwanag ng kinabukasan. Sa pagkakataong isinuko ko na ang lahat, ipinaglaban at ginusto mo ako. Ni hindi man lamang sumagi sa iyong isip na ako’y iwan at kalimutan. Ang inakala kong pagtatapos ng magandang buhay na hinangad ko noo’y naging isa na lamang panaginip. habang buhay ko itong tatanawin na utang na loob. habang buhay kong ipagpapasalamat ang isang tunay at tapat na pagmamahal na nagsupling sa isang mabuting bunga, isang eskpresyon ng wagas na damdaming sumasakop sa kabuuan ng katotohanan. habang buhay kong ilalahad ang isang kwento ng pag-ibig, ang pag-ibig ng isang umiibig, ang pag-ibig ng isang naniniwala, ang pag-ibig ng isang INA.

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A 90’s kid Confusion “it’s foolish to slip and fall so I jumped”” Quennie Dame Falsario

In a world surrounded by pastillas, dubsmash and walang forever, I tend to forget my once die-hard fascination for a happily ever after. I was born to believe in the existence of a knight in shining armor, then, there comes the hashtag of ‘#chivalryisdead’ and ‘#girlpower.’ A feminist advocate promoting equality of sexes that we, women, can do as much as men can. then suddenly pops out, a community of new genders, the concept of a half woman, half man. I opened my mind and resolved to being more accepting to the changes, Like when informed that hello Kitty is a little girl and not the cat told by her images. ‘been taught that marriage is a happy ending as seen in the movies, then, there goes the parricide, bastard children and rapidly increasing vAWC cases. I was about to fall in love when mistresses became part of the norm, So, I became hesitant and thought of refusing the proposal of a consented self-harm. I fell in love anyway, not anymore assuming that it would last, but hoping and praying that our borrowed time won’t be as fast, As fast as my heartbeat whenever we’re together, Secretly wishing for a happily ever after. Not just because it’s going to be over, I will no longer try. Not just because it will be painful, I will not say goodbye. 20th century might have been a different world for me, but who knows maybe, 21st with pastillas and selfie might be as happy.

PHOTO | ANNE CATHERINE MALAZARTE 42

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Aftermath Joanne Pauline Ronzales

the buzzing tell-tale of a red skirt girl on a record fail Cause a tear of pearl. hair on circled curls And black velvet top Made a young man twirl And his heart to drop. With lips cold and pale, An elderly wailed, Prisoned in a jail Where he couldn’t sail. the red skirt girl hopped, Love’s nowhere to tap. Disappointment wrapped on eternal nap. Young man full of crap, red skirt girl’s heart popped. relationship gap Gave old man a lump.

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Kung pwede lang tani... Resty John L. Palete

Sa barkada ko nga upod ko halin first year asta subong nga manugtapos na Pasensya gid kay daku na ang pinagbag-o ko subong kaysa sang una Gusto ko man mabalik liwat ang ‘barkada time’ nga daw pawala lang, Kasu di gid pwede kay wala na ko oras kag pirmi alang-alang. Lagaw, tambay kag dinungol sa room kung wala klase ang nahidlawan ko Subong kada kita-ay ta ang una ko nahambal ‘Ano tu?’ budlay man kay kis-a di nyo ko maintindihan tani makita nyo man nga ako mismo nagakaapektuhan. Langu-lango, sabad kag palakadlaw man gid ko kung tulukon Galing kis-a indi gid matabuan nga ako masakitan sa inyo kung pahambalun; “Wala ka man di pirmi! Didto ka nalang kay damu ka pa asikasuhon” Intindihan ko man kay barkada ko kamo kag inyo ko dapat prangkahun. tandaan n’yo lang nga biskan wala na ko gawa it oras sa inyo Gabawi ko sa tanan nga paraan nga bal-an kag kaya ko Daku gid bi nga responsibilidad nga man wala ako Kag may salig gid ko nga di kamo madula biskan ano pa matabo Mu lang na galing eh, lain na gid kita subong tani indi kita mag-abot sa punto nga magpili Kay kinahanglan man lang nga ang isa kag isa sa atun mag-intindihanay Gusto ko gid balikan ang tanan – kung pwede lang tani.

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Your Birthday Edcel B. Fajutag

I bought you flowers And a simple cake A humble present An apology for my mistake(s). You know I did this to make you smile I know I’m not perfect but I said, “I would try.” that midnight, I stood and knocked on the door With my burning heart in my deepest core holding the gifts I had for you to attest that my love is true. DAYS hAve PASSeD… Love IS vASt. tIMe’S So FASt. I WANt thIS to LASt. but suddenly, something caught my eye and I read About a boy who stunned you, amazed you before I did Like a thorn, it hit my very sanity’s thread I was mocked like a loser, a crying li’l kid. how could you all keep that from me? I felt like everything was torn inside me My rage was set aflame, I felt ready to kill but I know I could hold my wits so I stayed still. but with feelings my heart couldn’t contain, I had to burst Like a man in a desert, begging, dying of thirst Why didn’t you all talk to me about this first? I haven’t held on to my feelings, so I’d thrown a curse. I’ve thrown shit—I shouted, I cried, I blamed Sorry, but you’ve fueled the soothing flame A once good guy, so greatly tamed Now broken, hurt, no longer the same. I may not be that boy with fame(?), but… You know that anyone would feel the same I’m sorry, you can’t bring on me the blame I have loved you; I loved you since the day you ALL came— 45

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Hidden Desire msdreamgirl1213

Would you believe if I confessed? and let me be in compromise. If I tell you “I love you” will you not detest? Will you let me be, for I am happy at my best. Your wide smile makes my heart leap— your smile—puts my heart in fast beat. your dark eyes, every time you stare— fill me with excitement that is hard to bear. I stammer when you talk to me I don’t know why so just let it be. Walking with you is what I enjoy— walking with a man, and not a boy. they said loving you is an act of immorality but that is what I feel inside of me. I’m not a hypocrite and not a pretender and I think I’m in love with you, my professor.

ARTWORK | GLYZEL JOY V. ALBERTO

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Misplaced Gizelle Anne Villa

Dear 12-yr. old Nene, I’ve been looking everywhere for you, Nene. It’s 3:24 AM on october 23, 2015, and all that’s floating in the oceans of my chest are lifeless apologies and flightless storms. I’m sorry to say that losing trace of you has changed too much of my life. I have absentmindedly accepted that my days aren’t days without sorrow. I am officially afraid of laughing too much, thinking that if I do, something terrible is going to happen. Nene, in the years that have passed, countless situations happened. I try to believe that there is an equilibrium between the fine and terrible things that have swooped by my life, but it’s hard to when these awful things seem to weigh so much. they stick around for too long and it’s like I could feel the world hurting every single day. I am getting tired of terrible things. Don’t ask me for the causes because I have no idea when exactly the barrel began to fill itself up to the brim. I have no idea when and why exactly I’ve started to overflow. You are, indeed, correct; I have grown up so fast. Fear not, because I have never gone and will never go beyond dancing with death in the middle of the night. I’m going to make it, I promise. I’ve built boats, trains, and planes for the both of us, from the parts of all the memories I’ve asked, from the people I’ve met. You’ve met wonderful people, Nene. they are beautifully crafted to the bone. I’ve seen them spill parts of their colors during the times I’ve asked them to take me for a walk through the cities of their history. they are hilarious, brave, wise, and kind. they will keep you in place. the most significant person you’ve met, you didn’t even know you would. It all started with a list, a biology joke, and some animals. this person would be the golden book in your shelf because, I kid you not, this person may be everything at once. Nene, I will meet you in a future sunset. I will find you in silly poems about bunnies, in warm rice cakes on a Sunday morning, in happiness without fear, in upbeat Shakira songs, in the comfort of our fur-friends, in the smell of orchids and sugar apples on a rainy June; I will look for you in the love reserved for the both of us in this world. one day, when we meet again, let’s go on an adventure. We’ll go places. Waiting, 19 yr. old Nene P.S: I’ve never forgotten. ;) 48

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SKETCH | RODITO SEVILLA

.A timid heart RJ Remo

Loquacious outside, but if you dig deeper, there is a shallow part that no one knows—it’s not darkness, but a glimpse of light that is invisible to everyone. A smile that hides the pain, that burdens her soul in the ocean of loneliness. A laugh that covers every scar of the past. half meant jokes that were really true, that many people took as a funny thing. A laughing stock that is always taken for granted. Always entrusts people wholeheartedly, but always gets her fragile heart broken at the end. Never stops caring and giving first priority to the people she cares for the most, but is always made unimportant by the people around her. It has always been the same feeling every time the season changes; it made her heart lose all her aspirations on having a Disney-like ending. her heart is now frozen—frozen from all the pains and disappointments. All you can hear is a timid heart—timid not because she speaks nothing, but timid because what her heart truly speaks is left unspoken.

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Neвr SEEsing (Neвr Ceasing) Kat Malazarte

I want to keep thunder Small enough to fit in a jar And listen to them While the rain cries

I wonder if I can create A beautiful world For others For you

I want to hear the breath of stars And lie down up in the sky to wonder if they ever sleep

I want to speak the language of trees And whisper the poems of the flowers

I want to eat the scent of bulbs And dress the color of immortal flowers to live by the law of poetry

Did you ever see? the color of the wind the taste of the sky Did you hear them?

I wonder if I can fly And reach the depths of enormous sky And die in the stream of flowing waters

I want to marry serendipity And be a mother of solitude… And live under the roof of clouds

I want to live in a forest And write a poem And smell some tea or coffee perhaps And be a girl

I want to paint the fleeting hearts the wonder of feathers

I want to plant a garden of beautiful souls And leave the world of countless gain

I want to chase the things I love And let them go And watch them Change me I will wander in the ocean And dance with the tides And listen to the sirens I will watch them swim by.

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Secrets

Abigail A. Sabijon

run to obscure recesses Crawl into the slightest crevices Like rats in time meet their doom reeK

The Bold and Bared Arra Bea Del Pilar All it took was a confession and now, I am to her as she is to me.

Philip Robert Alaban My whole body is a tapestry of secrets and hidden desires inked in the shades of my skin.

Dee Velasco Live life as if it is an adventure in the mundane.

Abigail Sabijon I don’t treasure comfort zones.

Anne Catherine Malazarte I’m rooted, but I flow.

Marie Julienne Caballete They always see her smile, but no one really sees her pains inside.

Patricia Alexis Molino I won’t remain hidden inside this skin. Someday, you’ll see.

Kevin Jerrol Erebaren It’s not who I am inside, but what I do that deffines me.

Trishia Molinos Resilient, and sanguine though not reciprocated and unrequited love.

Rodito Sevilla From 18, turning 19 this December 17.

Pen Dela Torre “The Pen is mightier than the sword.”

Adel Romu Parcon Leyretana Loves books and food; her works are inspired by her mother, who passed away 2 years ago. She loves her dearly.

Joanne Paul Ronzales Change and the world will follow. Kristah Louise Adorado Social butterfly I may be, but there is a deepest darkest secret in me. Who do you think I really am? Clue: cachinnation, poems. Alyssa Jean Rosalem YOLO! Yan Germinanda It was once unknown to her and once a secret for me. Love; a revelation. Gabbie Six cups of coffee and a thousand lies. Frennie Tababa I prefer to be silent that no one could comprehend. I prefer to be mysterious to make my existence oblivious. Karen Bernadette Vergara It takes more than courage to wake up and get out of bed everyday to face the demons you have to deal with. Wilkienson Muro I care much for the truth that the truth becomes the falsity of my own self. Gizelle Anne Villa Temporarily out of order.

Resty John Palete How you face your weaknesses shows your strength. Stephanie Kay Urquiola Psalms 46:5 “God is within her, she will not fall.” Rulyn Joy de la Vega It’s better to love and lost than to never love at all. Ayah Granada Ps 139:14 “I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works.” Glyzel Joy Alberto Art made me an Offficial Time Traveller and professional Adventure-seeker. Andrea Parce Who needs love when you’ve got chocolates? Rj Remo I always speak what’s on my mind, but words of love for someone I really adore are left unspoken. P.S. I’m a girl. Edcel Fajutag Lie with me, I’ll let you see...

\,dā,nϋ-’mӓn\ Not the finish line, but the start of a journey. A fresh beginning.