March 28, 2011

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Keeping USA’s delivery vehicles safe since ... Well, we don’t really know, but who cares? LOL!

Van Guard The

March 28, 2011 |VOLUME 48, NUMBER 26

www.usavanguard.com

University of South Alabama’s student newspaper

Moulton unveils plans for new football stadium By Alex Whalen MANAGING EDITOR

After months of design, the plans for a new football stadium have been released. According to Director of Public Relations, Keith Ayers, this state-of-the-art facility will be the perfect home for the still-undefeated Jags. USA President Gordon Moulton has overseen every step of the process, according to Ayers, and much of the design are his ideas. “The big thing for President Moulton was having a domed stadium,” Ayers said. “At first, he wanted a wooden cross-hatching like we have in the Recreation Center and the Dining Hall. But we soon realized this was impractical.” Moulton, who is a big fan of really tall ceilings, ended up deciding on a spherical structure. But the shape of the stadium is just one feature that sets this facility apart. “We started by looking at a lot of different stadium designs and assessing their strengths and weaknesses,” Ayers told The Vanguard. “We came to the realization that what every single stadium lacked was a Concave Dish Composite Beam Superlaser.” Ayers said the decision to put in a superlaser was an easy one to make. “What better way to strike fear in your opponents than with a superlaser?” Director of Facilities Management, Chris Willis, told The Vanguard that once the superlaser is fully functioning, it will be capable of destroying a small-to-mediumsized planet. “The superlaser is actually fed by eight smaller lasers located around the concave dish and then refocused into a superweapon,” Willis said. The stadium will also feature an extremely tight security system, with laser gun turrets, autoturrets, and defensive shields to keep would-be thieves and arsonists at bay. “These features did increase the cost of the project by quite a bit, but they were deemed necessary to protect the equipment inside,” Willis said. At an estimated cost of $48.6 trillion, the Moulton Death Star will be the most expensive structure ever built. In order to fund the project, President Moulton has allied himself with a fund-raising group called Secretly Introducing Tuition Hikes (SITH). The announcement of Moulton’s SITH involvement has been met with strong opposition from the student body. But this does not seem to concern Moulton, who told The Vanguard during a press conference, “I have brought peace, freedom, justice, and security to my new Empire!” SGA President Kim Proctor, who was

Admin: Portals will make students ‘smarter’ By Cameron Adkins ASSOCIATE EDITOR

The three portals being constructed at the main entrances of South Alabama’s main campus are being equipped with a new technology that will give students more time to focus on their studies, administrators claim. “After construction, all three entrance portals will act as actual portals when students pass through them in an attempt to exit campus,” teleportologist Benson Branson said. “The portal will instantaneously transport students from the South Alabama campus to a random campus in the state of Alabama” In effect, students will be on a campus of higher education more of the time which will, in turn, give the students more opportunities to study in environments conducive to learning. “More time on the property of institu-

“More

time on the property of institutions of higher learning will make students smarter.” -Carl McDermott President, Institution of Educational Studies

Colin McGee | Photo Editor

An artist’s sketch of the Moulton Death Star based on plans retrieved from a small blue and white trash can. Although the plans are incomplete, they do show the Concave Dish Composite Beam Superlaser on USA President Gordon Moulton’s football stadium/superweapon, capable of destroying a small planet.

present at the press conference, challenged Moulton on a number of issues. “I am the SGA president and I won’t stand for this,” she told Moulton, who responded, “You are a member of the rebel alliance and a traitor. Take her away!” Proctor has not been seen since. Moulton also explained during the press conference where the idea for the Moulton Death Star came from. “I was watching a documentary about the Civil War,” Moulton said, “and they had built something

very similar.” Where Moulton’s plans change from the Civil War era Death Star is in a complete lack of thermal exhaust vents. “The only reason the Death Star was blown up during the Civil War was because of a two meter wide thermal exhaust vent, no bigger than a womp rat,” Moulton said. “The Moulton Death Star is going to be very stuffy,” Willis said, “but it will be the most secure structure in the galaxy.” see STADIUM | 4

tions of higher learning will make students smarter,” Institution of Educational Studies President Carl McDermott said. “It just has to. How can you always be on a college campus and not get at least a little smarter?” Students, who were previously unaware that this technology would be employed, are wary of the results the portals will produce. “How am I supposed to make it to my night class in Baldwin County on time?” Sophomore Biology major Trinity Fishman said. “It’s a long drive from Auburn to Baldwin County.” Even though most students seem to disapprove of the addition there are some students who are thankful for the opportunity to be involved in such a program. see PORTALS | 4


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March 28, 2011

Campus alert system warns students of danger

The

OMG! LOL!

Vanguard

Jones advocates for more student usage of JagTran

By Cassie Fambro OPINION EDITOR

On the eve of Spring, famed Weather Channel meteorologist Jimmy Cantorie arrived at the University of South Alabama. Amid reports of an atmospheric disturbance at USA, Weather Channel opted to send Cantorie on a special report. His team reportedly took a plethora of measurements with the help of Geology and Meteorology faculty including Professor Senate King Tim Donnors. Donnors informed Cantorie that he had concluded himself that the atmosphere was toxifying weeks ago and concocted a solution to fix it in two hours, but officials brushed it under the rug. Due to that negligence, Cantorie concluded that the highest levels of toxicity had spread to the dormitories on campus and threatened students. Apparently, the toxins had a unique odor but dorm residents did not notice it over the stench of their uncleaned rooms until it was too late. Cantorie reported live from outside of USA as the toxic bubble tightened its suffocating barriers around the campus. He explained to viewers that if the air didn’t clear soon, the gods would honor tradition and induce a rain of fire to cleanse the are and protect the rest of the world. “This way,” he solemnly said to the camera, “it would not spread to other priceless landmarks like the Burgundy Trees up North.” Meanwhile, at the dorms, star Meteorology Student Rick Hisbee had warned students on Facebook two hours before Cantorie’s broadcast. Comments echoed on the social networking site to discourage students from going to class, but University officials did not send an e-mail cancelling classes. So, students made their commute wearing Uggs and Nike shorts, because that ensemble provides optimum comfort in all atmospheric conditions. Then, campus warning sirens sounded a doomsday chime circa WWII. Faculty and students stopped dead in their tracks to await further instruction as the clouds darkened above them. The message was inaudible, and panic ensued. Student Kirk Muriel stood up and quieted the masses in a frantic lecture hall. “It said that the cake is a lie,” he told them. “It’s code. That means we must use the portals and escape!” In awe, students followed Muriel in droves as he led them to Stadium Boulevard and Old Shell Road. He rubbed the letter “S” in South Alabama and it instantly transformed into a whirling ball of green light. He gallantly stepped in first, and the masses followed. Time spun slowly, whirling everyone in green mystery, until they stopped. As they opened their eyes, they saw University Boulevard. The Moulton Code had struck again, interconnecting the portals and trapping students at USA. Rioting broke out among students as they realized they couldn’t escape, and the sky thundered in insolence. Balls of fire rained down on campus, and only those in the evil and indestructible Instructional Laboratory Building survived. Cantorie reported from Picklefish with a beer in hand that, as fire rained down, another alert sounded. This time it clearly said, “All clear, please resume your normally scheduled activities.”

Photos by Colin McGee | Photo Editor

In order to encourage students to ride the University transit system, the JagTran, administrators are using the only thing they know that gets people’s attention at USA -- football. Coach Joey Jones has been seen riding the routes and making motivational speeches about the JagTran’s benefits, which he summed up as “basically a lot less cars and annoying pedestrians in between you and that sweet parking spot in front of Humanities.” USA officials said they hope his “epic undefeatedness” will win the war of parking woes at the University.

POLICE BLOTTER

Theft of Lost Property A student was surprised when her envelope full of money labeled “untraceable currency” was stolen from the Dining Hall after it was left unattended.

Theft of Article From Auto A male student reported multiple items stolen from his vehicle while in the midst of his GTL session at the Student Recreation Center. A case of hair gel, a new pack of v-neck shirts, a graphic tee, muscle milk and 2 large containers of whey protein were among the items stolen.

Theft of Property, First Degree Mass quantities of electrical wiring and nuts and bolts were reported stolen from all construction sites on campus. Police recovered a blueprint for what appeared to be a “deathstar-like space station” at the Shelby Hall construction site.

Theft of Lost Property A student reported that his envelope full of money was stolen from the JagTran stop outside of the Dining Hall after he forgot it when he got on the JagTran. USAPD said the amount contained in the envelope is uncertain because the victim “had just found it in the Dining Hall” and “didn’t have time to count it yet.”

Possession of Marijuana An unnamed male student was arrested by campus police after he was caught smoking what appeared to be marijuana in the Humanities Building courtyard. Witnesses at the scene claim that when the man was arrested for what campus police told him was an illegal drug, he responded with, “Like, that’s your opinion man.” Witnesses also said that when he was informed that the law is not an opinion, he replied, “Bummer.” Disorderly Conduct/Public Indecency A group of students at the Intramural Fields witnessed what they claimed to be a man running across the fields nude and screaming “THE NARWHAL BACONS AT MIDNIGHT!” Witnesses say the man had an alien with the word “Snoo” tattooed on his lower back. Theft of Auto Campus police are reporting that one of the University’s JagTran vehicles was stolen from its parking garage over the weekend. When asked what USAPD were going to do about it, they said, “Do something? Hey, we’re happy that someone is actually going to use the thing.”

Web Exclusive April Fools’ Day Stories Visit www.usavanguard.com to read this year’s two web-exclusive satirical April Fools’ Day stories. Not convinced that you should take the time to visit our website? Here’s a teaser: One of the stories features a popular celebrity recently in the news (Tiger Blood, anyone?).


The

Vanguard

OMG! LOL!

March 28, 2011

New residence hall found to be hiding place for sketchy stuff

Squirrel violence peaks on campus

By Nick Griffith STAFF WRITER

Chances are you did it this week: drive through campus, passing by the construction site for the new residence hall, paying little attention to the incomplete project. The latest building addition to the University’s lodging repertoire has solved many accommodation issues confronting the department of USA Housing and Residence Life; however, surfacing financial document leaks in a recent investigative report by The Vanguard have uncovered a shocking fiscal abnormality in the University’s funding of the new hall. The disclosed reports detail large, sequential monetary transfers from multiple overseas bank accounts in identical sums of $200,000. The transactions, however, detailed only one of USA’s multiple bank accounts with Citibank, postulating a theory that other USA account branches received similar fund transfers. There were 50 total overseas fund transfers associated with this single University bank account. But what plausible implications coincide with USA’s construction of a new residence hall and secretive financial transfers? I thought that perhaps the housing construction is a financial cover for an international embezzlement scam, or hush money distributed to a person high in the University administration’s chain of command. My questions would soon find answers thanks to a local discredited historian, whose family history as treasure hunters has had a laughable impression upon the legitimacy of his professional dissertation on international secret societies. Historian Ben Gates of Foley, Ala., (no relation to Nicolas Cage’s character in the feature film “National Treasure”) anonymously contacted me late at night two weeks ago from a blocked number. “Hello?” I answered. “Listen carefully, Mr. Griffith, My name is Ben Gates. You don’t have much time –” I interjected, “Wait a second, are you pretending to be that guy played by Nicholas Cage in the movie ‘Nationa –“ “NO! Not now! President Moulton knows the financial documents that you have were leaked, and he’s on to you. If you want to live, get out of your apartment right now! You need to get to the BP gas station across the street; wait outside the building for a Hummer, then –”

By Bailey Hammond STAFF WRITER

Colin McGee | Photo Editor

The new residence hall on campus may seem like a harmless new addition to University Housing, but guess again.

“Whoa, you want me to get a what?!?” Ben sighed, “Just get inside the armored SUV. Now, hang up this phone and rip out the circuit board. Drop the parts in the bed of a pickup truck. Hurry!” As I ran briskly down the street, suspicious glares surrounded me. The unnerving attention could have been avoided, however, if only Gates had known I wasn’t wearing pants when he ordered my immediate exodus; needless to say, this wasn’t the first time I have been pantsless in Mobile with no cell phone. Walking inconspicuously across the intersection adjacent to the BP gas station in my “tightywhities” and Katy Perry T-shirt, an armored H2 Hummer donning the license tag “LOL WTF” zoomed into the parking lot with the passenger door wide open. I hurled my body into the cushioned seat and slammed the door shut to find my informant, Gates. He sped through Mobile, unraveling his story about a secret society plot involving Moulton that now threatens my life. “No concrete evidence has surfaced proving

the existence of this secret society, nor can I accurately connect Moulton to any substantial secret organization,” Gates explained, “but I have a theory based on a documentation blind-spot – a black hole if you will – in historical files that suggests a supreme American secret society is in protection of an unknown, priceless artifact that is thought to have been recently discovered by Latin American off-shore oil drillers. “And it is directly connected to the construction of USA’s new residence hall. “Essentially, government records detailing the BP oil spill have a bypassing omission of facts concerning an enormous, unspecified cargo that was retrieved aboard the semi-submersible heavy lift ship Blue Marlin. “The federal files completely exclude the existence of the Blue Marlin’s offshore adventures in the heart of the oil spill, but local port records show an additional cargo weight of 10,000 tons; but the ship was documented as carrying the same cargo it departed the Netherlands with three weeks prior.” see DORM | 4

Criminal Justice offering new track of study By Rodney Thompson

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

Interesting news has come up regarding the addition of a new major in the Department of Political Science and Criminal Justice, chaired by Dr. Nader Entessar. Beginning fall 2011, Criminal Justice majors will be able to hold concentrations in Homicide Theory & Practice. Along with the new concentration, several new faculty members are joining to bring their expertise to the program. Professor Morgan, hailing from Miami, FL, will be teaching Stalking & Capture Techniques. This course will focus on the importance of choosing acceptable targets, tracking their patterns, and adapting to un-

3

perceivable variables. “I think that the students will find the material to be a bit sedated at first, but I promise it will become instinctual,” commented Professor Morgan on his upcoming course. Psychology of Torture will be taught by Professor Kramer, who has over six years of experience in multi-dimensional psychological torture as well as a Masters in Torture Mechanisms. Students will become familiar with elements of mechanical engineering as well as the effectiveness of fear mongering. Professor Kramer warns that most of his tests will last 60 seconds and failure will have fatal consequences, but in the end there is a lesson to be learned. Perhaps the most controversial of the new courses being offered is Body Disposal,

taught by Dr. Werner Klopek. Klopek is fresh out of retirement in his suburban life and eager to get into the classroom. Body Disposal will cover dissolution, incineration, burial, and cannibalism techniques, just to name a few. “I feel slightly dismembered away from home, but I am sure there will be plenty of burning questions to keep me entertained,” stated Dr. Klopek regarding his return from retirement. Homicide Theory & Practice will be a welcomed addition to South Alabama’s already excellent array of educational opportunities. This particular concentration is sure to attract a virtually untapped student demographic.

USAPD has issued an alert regarding the recent gang activities on campus. All residents of campus housing, students and personnel are advised to be on their guard when traveling in the wooded areas or just anywhere on campus in general. The two rival gangs in question have members everywhere, and since they do not wear any identifying colors or symbols, it is very difficult to tell them apart from each other. As of yet, no students have been physically attacked, but there have been numerous instances of squirrel-on-squirrel violence, and authorities are afraid that it will soon spread to other species. Local ecologists are worried that the rapid increase in squirrel gang affiliations is due in part to changes made to their habitats around the Humanities Building and the Student Center. Gang tags mark certain trees, and one witness claims to have seen a squirrel running from a tree that had been recently marked with the insignia of two vertical marks crossed with a horizontal slash. Tag experts claim to interpret the significance of the oddly H-shaped marking as meaning the East Side squirrels will be “bringing the Heat” to the West Side squirrels. Whatever the true significance, the two gangs are causing havoc for tree beauticians and everyone who loves to enjoy the serenity of nature. It is a shockingly common sight to witness scuffles between rival gang members over territory and nut caches, and many witnesses are relatively close to the action. This is not only dangerous, but is a warning that the squirrels are not intimidated by the prohibitions currently in place against gang activity on our campus. “I was just watching the leaves fall into the new pond behind the library and eating my granola bar, when one of the squirrel hoodlums came up and took it!” explained a distraught freshman who chose to remain anonymous. “He just took it. Just like that. I wish someone would do something about this problem.” That wish is echoed by everyone suffering from the increased occurrence of squirrel mischief. We at The Vanguard have one question for those in charge: Will it ever end, or will more honest students have to suffer the indignity of having their granola bars snatched by squirrelly hands? Only time will tell.

ANNOUNCEMENT The articles in the first four pages of this issue of The Vanguard are satire and are inspired by April Fools’ Day. Any complaints about these mostly fake articles should be directed to our Feedback Department at 401-285-0696.


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March 28, 2011

OMG! LOL!

JagTran stop removed By Nick Griffith STAFF WRITER

Campus Transportation Supervisor Charles Montgomery has confirmed the removal of a current JagTran stop that has directly contributed to a campus-wide pandemic of tardiness. The route adjustment is a response to rising administration awareness to student concerns. Montgomery told The Vanguard that student convenience will be adversely affected, but the about-face for administration policies have forced the Campus Transportation Supervisor to concede to the requests of his higher-ups in an effort to increase University transportation efficiency. JagTran time-trials estimate a 75-minute reduction of the associated Green route itinerary. University officials applauded the

Portals from page 1

“This just proves that the University really does care about the quality of education that it provides its students,” Junior Math and Statistics major Sean Rothenstein. “I, for one, wish the portals were at every entrance.” According to administrators, the teleportation technology being installed will not cause

Stadium from page 1

Power for the structure will not come from the university, but rather from a distant planet, Mygeeto. “I didn’t know they had interstellar travel during the Civil War,” Moulton said, “but how else would they have powered their Death Star?”

Dorm

from page 3

As we pulled into the Mobile Regional Airport, I asked Gates, “What could the government possibly hide that weighs 10,000 tons, and what does it have to do with the new dorm?” Ben shifted uneasy in the driver seat. “The cargo is believed to be a massive alien robot discovered in the Gulf of Mexico among the wreckage of a gigantic interplanetary spaceship. The destroyed ship’s location was a buried secret since its impact 65 million years ago, until two years ago when a drilling expedition surveyed an unnatural metal deep beneath the sea floor surface.” “That’s preposterous!!!” I exclaimed. “Nigh, the facts were there all along!” Ben yelled. “The supposed meteor that forced dinosaurs into extinction was actually this alien ship, and now the secret is in the hands of a cloak-and-dagger organization, whose curator is Moulton!” “That’s preposterous!!!” I exclaimed again. “How could Moulton work as the curator for the most covert society in the world?” Ben slammed on the breaks, sliding the Hummer sideways into the main entrance overhang. “Wait a minute. You’re curious as to the connection between Moulton and an unknown secret society when the existence of an actual Transformer has been postulated?” “Should I be?” I asked. Let’s face the facts; Hollywood has already accurately detailed the finer points of robotic alien encounters. These movies were emergency plans, not entertainment films.

decision, with Dean of Students Michael Mitchell adding, “When we reconstructed the JagTran routes at the beginning of this school year, it seemed common sense to allow JagTran drivers the option to take scenic excursions through downtown Mobile if their bus was empty, in an effort to reduce stress within the workplace.” “Unfortunately, the administration is planning to construct a 100-foot statue of President Gordon Moulton with cost estimates of $42 million. We just can’t afford to lose student funding of Moulton National Monument because our drivers want to cruise downtown Mobile in their pimp mobiles.” Sources confirmed Studio 54 as a hotspot for JagTran drivers. No drivers could be reached for comment.

a rise in tuition for funding because it is still experimental technology that the University has agreed to take part in for the first human trials. “Any student who still has not signed the consent waver needs to come to the Administration Building,” Assistant Assistant to the president Milton Travers said. “Not that it’s that dangerous, but you can never be too sure when it comes to lawsuits.” Plans are already being made to send power crystal harvesting equipment to the distant, and possibly fictional, planet. On a completely unrelated note, Moulton has requested that all force-sensitive students attend a lecture in the Mitchell Center. “There will be free pizza and beer, and absolutely no traps at all,” Moulton said. Therefore, at this point my goals were clear: find Shia LaBeouf, obtain an astronomical map inscribed on tiny glasses in an alien language, awaken a dormant extraterrestrial robot, and story-top Tom Hanks’ unveiling of the existence of the sarcophagus of Mary Magdalene. I only needed to know one thing. “Where is the robot now, Ben?” “That’s why Moulton is after you. They buried it under the new USA residence hall, and Moulton is reaping the financial benefits as a professional secret society curator to guard the most important secret in world history.” This story was unbelievable, which makes its credibility even weaker after I woke up two days later naked in a ditch. I was incredibly disappointed, and losing my Katy Perry T-shirt saddened me. Perhaps my entire experience was the product of an acid trip and the greatest practical joke ever conceived. Furthermore, my headache closely resembled the effects of a hangover, but I could not explain why certain body parts remained sore. This investigative report had finished yet. Utilizing my extensive knowledge of the Transformer series, I illegally appropriated an ionization counter from the Student Health Center to detect high levels of radiation. Interestingly enough, the entire new residence hall construction site emitted a radiation level of 2 Gy, which is 40 percent of the needed radiation poison to kill an adult in 14 days. We must find out what Moulton has buried beneath this latest residence hall addition. The fate of the world depends on it.

The

Vanguard


Vanguard

Serving USA students and the University community since 1963

The

March 28, 2011 |VOLUME 48, NUMBER 26

Ayers discusses alert system

www.usavanguard.com

University of South Alabama’s student newspaper

Freshman Determination

By Carey Cox

IPolice Blotter p. 6

Student found dead on campus By Cameron Adkins

SENIOR REPORTER

The sudden storm on March 9 that brought heavy downpour and tornado warnings put many students on edge. The University sent campus-wide emails informing students of the tornado warnings, but some students on campus were confused by the loudspeaker notifications. Director of Public Relations Keith Ayers explained how he thought the alerts could have confused people. “With tornados, you have to repeatedly do warnings. The warning is over quickly; it sometimes could be a matter of minutes,” Ayers said. With this rapidly changing information, the University must alert the students as quickly as possible. The loud speaker system, the most immediate of the notifications, informed students and faculty about the warning, and when the weather moved past campus, the message changed to danger had passed. There are several minutes between the first warning and the all clear message. One student was concerned about the amount of time between the warning and the all clear message being too short for the danger to have passed. “The last warning message could have been close to the ok message,” Ayers said. “If you just drove on to campus and heard that, it would be confusing.” The telephone notification was not used because there is a certain amount of lag time between when the number is dialed and when the caller receives the call. “We want to use the most aggressive [notification],” Ayers said. If a student cannot hear the loud speaker system or did not receive an email, he can call the USA Emergency and Weather Hotline, the most accessible form of notification, at 251-4606999. Ayers suggests students program this number in their phone. “It is important that the students and faculty know we have multiple ways and use them wisely,” Ayers said. “The most important thing to do is be aware of your environment and use your best judgment to take care of yourself and stay out of danger.”

To stay up to date with campus news, friend The Vanguard on Facebook and follow USAVanguard on Twitter.

ASSOCIATE EDITOR

The body of 55-year-old South Alabama student Jennie Eileen Shoff was found in an apartment at The Grove housing on Old Shell Road March 17, according to a USAPD advisory. Shoff is believed to have died of natural causes, USA officials said. University officials have not released any more details about Shoff ’s death. At the time of the advisory’s publication, officials cited notification of kin as the reason why more details hadn’t been released.

inside

Opinion | page 11 Roll Call Colin McGee | Photo Editor

Freshman quarterback Logan Rogers ignores the footsteps and steps into the throw during Saturday’s spring game. Rogers played on the 2010 Spanish Fort 5A Alabama state champion football team.

Japanese students raising relief funds for their country By Carey Cox

SENIOR REPORTER

Active members of the Japanese Student Association (JSA), as well as inactive members, are organizing to raise funds for a relief effort for those affected by the earthquakes and tsunami that rocked their nation earlier this month. “The earthquake shocked me; it didn’t affect me, but since it was my country … I just kept watching the news,” JSA President Kazuhiro Kishikawa said. JSA members will be raising money at a bake sale Thursday and Friday at the Humanities building from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. Last Tuesday, JSA collected over $550 with its first bake sale. The generosity of students exceeded KiHappenings p. 6

shikawa’s expectations. “Someone donated $100,” Kishikawa said. The president says JSA members hope to raise $1,000 this week. Students will be able to show their support for those affected not only monetarily but emotionally, as well. A “prayer journal” will be available for students to write words of encouragement and support for the people affected. Kishikawa said none of the family members of the student members were killed, but some members’ families are struggling in the wake of disaster. “My family and friends are OK, but my friends in here were pretty worried about it,” Kishikawa said. Nanae Owada, a 22-year-old international

Campus Pulse p. 10

see QUAKE | 6

Distractions p. 22

Should students suffer a penalty for not attending class?

Etc. | page 12 Move it AND Lose it 2010 Physical Therapy Class’ effort to change people’s health habits.

Arts & Entertainment | page 16

Digital Downloads It started with music and has moved on to movies, but will it phase out hard copies?

Sports | page 18 Arrow Still Right Man Ronnie Arrow should stay, and Sports Editor Matt Weaver will tell you why.

JagLife p. 23


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The

Vanguard

March 28, 2011

Vanguard The

University of South Alabama’s Student Voice Mission The Vanguard, the student-run newspaper of the University of South Alabama, serves its readership by reporting the news involving the campus community and surrounding areas. The Vanguard strives to be impartial in its reporting and believes firmly in its First Amendment rights. Submission and Editorial Policies Send letters and guest columns to: Editor-in-Chief, editor.in.chief@usavanguard.com or The Vanguard, University of South Alabama, P.O. Drawer U-1057, Mobile, Ala. 36688. Letters and guest columns must be received by 7 p.m. on the Wednesday prior to the Monday publication. Submissions should be typed and must include the writer’s name, year, school and telephone number. All submissions become the property of The Vanguard. Unsigned letters will not be published. The Vanguard reserves the right to edit letters and guest columns for length and clarity. Letters will be limited to 300 words. Letters and guest columns are the opinion of the writer. The Staff Editorial represents the consensus opinion of the Editorial Board, which is composed of the Editor-in-Chief, Managing Editor, Associate Editor, Copy Editor, and Opinion Editor. All members of the Editorial Board have the same weight during weekly Editorial Board meetings. The Vanguard has a commitment to accuracy and clarity and will print any corrections or clarifications. To report a mistake, call the Editor-in-Chief at 251460-6442 or e-mail editor.in.chief@usavanguard.com. The Vanguard is a member of Collegiate Presswire and U-Wire, which syndicates to a national audience. The Vanguard is published Mondays during the academic year, except for exam periods and vacations, and is published twice each summer. The Vanguard is supported in part by an allocation from student activity fees and operates in the Student Media Department of the Division of Student Affairs. Issues are available at most University buildings and select off-campus locations. The first copy is free. Additional copies are $1 each. EDITORIAL STAFF Editor-in-Chief: Daniela Werner Managing Editor: Alex Whalen Associate Editor: Cameron Adkins Associate Editor: Genny Roman Senior Reporter: Carey Cox Opinion Editor: Cassie Fambro Etc. Editor: Brett Williams Arts & Entertainment Editor, Webmaster: Rodney Thompson Sports Editor: Matt Weaver Photo Editor: Colin McGee DISTRIBUTION Distribution Manager: Johnny Davis ADVERTISING STAFF Advertising Manager: Wesley Jackson Advertising Representative: Mohammad Ammar Al-Zarrad Graphic Designer: Brittany Hawkins MANAGEMENT Adviser: Jim Aucoin Accounting: Kathy Brannan Website: http://www.usavanguard.com Mailing Address The Vanguard University of South Alabama P.O. Drawer U-1057 Mobile, Ala. 36688 Phone Number (251) 460-6442 Article XIV, Section 8 of The Lowdown: The editors of the student publications shall be free from any type of censorship and shall be responsible for the form, content and staff of the publication. SPLC Statement: The Vanguard recognizes and affirms the editorial independence and press freedom of all student-edited campus media. Student editors have the authority to make all content decisions and consequently bear the responsibility for the decisions that they make.

POLICE BLOTTER 3/5- Possession/Use of Alcohol A University community director found various types of alcohol in a Beta 3 dorm.

3/6- Theft of Property, 3rd Degree A victim reported that an unknown suspect stole his daughter’s cell phone while at an event at the Mitchell Center. The item was valued at $350.

3/7- Harassment-Attempting or Threatening Physical Harm A victim was struck in the left ear by a known person during an argument at Epsilon 2.

3/9- Theft of Property, 3rd Degree A student reported an iPod stolen from a classroom at the Humanities Building. The item was valued at $325. 3/10- Possession/Use of Alcohol Students admitted to possession and consumption of alcohol in a Beta 1 dorm.

3/12- Attempting to Elude a Police Officer/ Driving Wrong Way on One-Way Street Two offenders were in violation of state law and university regulations when they were found travelling the wrong way on the traffic circle. 3/15- Criminal Mischief, 2nd Degree An unknown person broke two windows of a victim’s vehicle while it was parked and unoccupied in the Alpha Gamma Delta parking area. The damage was estimated at over $500.

3/17- Property Damage An unknown person struck a curb and hit a light pole and retainer pole at the Moulton Tower. Damages were estimated at $600. 3/18- Theft of Property, 1st Degree Large quantities of electrical wiring were reported stolen from the construction parking lot of the residence hall con-

struction site. The wiring was valued at $6,120.

3/19- Theft of Article from Auto An unknown suspect unlawfully entered a victim’s vehicle at The Grove and stole a purse, wallet, credit/debit cards, cash and an iPod. The items were valued at $400. 3/19- Burglary, 3rd Degree A 42” plasma screen TV and a home entertainment system were reported stolen from a resident at The Grove. The items were valued at $676. 3/20- Burglary, 2nd Degree Officers responded to a burglary call at The Grove.

3/21- Property Damage A university utilities truck was damaged at the Administration Building. The damages were estimated at $15,100. 3/21- Theft of Article from Auto A laptop was stolen from a vehicle outside of Delta 3. The item was valued at $800.

3/21- Theft of Property, 3rd Degree A blue women’s bicycle was reported stolen from Epsilon 2. The item was valued at $50.

3/21- Warrant-Criminal Trespassing, 3rd Degree A non-student was arrested at Mitchell Center Dr. and USA South Dr. on an outstanding warrant with the Mobile County Sheriff’s Office for trespassing in the 3rd degree. 3/22- Unlawful Breaking and Entering a Vehicle An unknown suspect entered a victim’s vehicle and stole a laptop, GPS, wallet, bookbag and books. The items were valued at $1,166.

3/23- Theft of Property, 2nd Degree An unknown person stole a wallet from the library. The item was valued at $30.

Quake from page 5

studies student whose family lives in the affected Fukushima area, expressed her concerns at the city council meeting on March 17 where the council approved a $10,000 donation to Ichihara. “They are all safe, but clean water and gas, there’s a shortage,” Owada said at the meeting. JSA will send the money to Ichihara, Japan, Mobile’s sister city. The 9.0-magnitutde earthquake on March 11 shook and cracked City Hall, the tallest building in Ichihara, and ignited a fire at Cosmo Oil refinery, according to news reports. The fire burned for 10 days until it was extinguished on March 21. After Hurricanes Ivan and Katrina and the B.P. oil spill, residents of Ichihara raised money for Mobile. Sister City International is a non-profit global citizen diplomacy network that is underwritten by the State Department. Sister cities chose one another based on factors such as economic, political, cultural, educational and geographic conditions. Sister cities tend to have similar industries and geographic conditions. Ichihara is an industrious city situated on Tokyo Bay, similar to Mobile. Currently, Mobile has 16 sister cities, but the relationship between Ichihara and Mobile is the strongest, according to city officials. As of Friday, the death toll in Japan is at 10,151, and 17,053 people are still missing, a number that exceeds the amount of students enrolled at South. “We can’t bring any water or blankets, at least we can help them moneywise,” Kishikawa said.

happenings Health and Wellness Lecture What: The University’s Our Neighborhood Health Clinic will host “Eating in Color,” a lecture by dietician Emily Beaird. The lecture will encourage people to form healthier eating habits and healthier lifestyles. Where: USA Medical Center 10th floor dining room When: Thursday, March 31, noon-1:30 p.m. How much: Free For more info: Call (251) 471-7944 or visit www. southalabama.edu/nursing/ onhc


The

Vanguard

NEWS

March 28, 2011

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8

The

NEWS

March 28, 2011

Vanguard

Jag Smart an official initiative at USA By Daniela Werner EDITOR-IN-CHIEF

USA President Gordon Moulton walked a green bicycle into the University Board of Trustees meeting March 11, presenting it to two students as a gesture showing that University leaders have committed to making USA more sustainable. Moulton gave the bicycle to Student Government Association President Kim Proctor and Student Sustainability Council President Cassie Fambro, students who lead on-campus organizations that have been pushing for a greener USA. The University has promised to purchase between 500 and 1,000 bicycles to place on the campus for students to pick up at one location and ride to their next destination, where they can leave it at a rack provided by USA for the next student to use. University leaders are hoping that if enough students use the bicycles, traffic and greenhouse gases will be reduced on campus, according to a USA press release. Moulton called the program, which is the brain child of USA students, self-policing and said that “the campus community has to help us protect them.” USA is currently looking for a sponsor for the bicycle program, too, according to the president. Each bicycle should cost less than $100, he said. Moulton told the board that USA has gone about implementing sustainability efforts “quietly” until now; the University is implementing a new program called Jag Smart that is a “unified effort” between staff, students and faculty on the University Sustainability

Committee (USC) and aims to make USA a you’ll save in energy savings.” greener institution, he told the board. Moulton said the green effort “isn’t a free “Sustainability isn’t new at USA,” he said ride relative to the audit,” which will probably in a PowerPoint presentation that showed how cost USA a couple hundred thousand dollars. USA has acted in environmentally conscious The audit is necessary, however, to “get a reaways, like building new edifices – specifically sonable assessment of what we can do,” he the new Dining Hall and Shelby Hall Engi- said. neering and Computer Sciences Building – Other notes from the meeting: that meet Leadership in Energy and Environ-Moulton called USA’s proposed budget mental Design certification requirements. for next year “as good as we can hope for.” Fambro, who is The Vanguard’s opinion The proposed budget is increased slightly editor, told the board that sustainability hasn’t more than next year’s prorated amount from been visible at USA and that Jag Smart is go- the state, he said. ing to be a new kind of legacy at the school. -Trustees approved the Faculty Senate’s “It’s not about new constiwhat we’re leaving tution. The behind; it’s about document alwhat we’re not lows for more you invest, leaving behind,” shared govershe said. nance between you’ll save in energy savings.” One of the latUSA faculty est efforts from and admin-Wayne Davis the committee to istrators, the Vice President for Financial Affairs push sustainable group’s chairpractices at USA is man, Geology posting stickers as Assistant Proreminders on light switches all over campus to fessor Dr. Jim Connors, said. In a memo to encourage switching off lights and electron- Moulton, Connors described the document as ics that aren’t being used. Just this one effort, something that will “help us become a more along with other green initiatives, can save efficient and effective part of the University USA a significant chunk of money, Sociology community.” Associate Professor and USC member Dr. -Retired professor of Educational FoundaDouglas Marshall said at the meeting. tions Dr. Joseph Newman was named profesVice President for Financial Affairs Wayne sor emeritus. Newman retired May 2006. Davis told the board that USA plans on havEditor’s Note: Look for more stories ing an energy audit conducted to show how from administrator and faculty presenUSA can be more green. tations that were made at the Board of “After that, we’ll ask the Board of Trustees Trustees March 11 meeting in upcomto approve some infrastructure equipment ing issues of The Vanguard. purchases,” he said. “Whatever you invest,

“Whatever


The

NEWS

Vanguard

March 28, 2011

9

Mathews: Newspapers not going anywhere By Amber Beasley STAFF WRITER

The Press-Register’s publisher discussed the future of journalism at USA’s Library Auditorium for Communication Day March 22. Ricky Mathews has been in the newspaper business for 27 years. While president and publisher of the Biloxi Sun-Herald, Mathews led the paper to a Pulitzer Prize in 2006 for the coverage of hurricane Katrina. According to Mathews’ presentation, not all newspapers are dying. “Statistics show that newspapers will not go anywhere,” he said. “414,523 adults of the 75.3 percent of the adults in the Press-Register market Area either read the Press-Register in the past week or viewed our online affiliate al.com in the past month.” Communication Instructor John Sellers said he agrees with Mathews’ viewpoint on the future of journalism. “Newspapers will not go away, but they will change,” Sellers said. “For example, the online abilities they have to send readers more information and more in-depth stories will help them survive.” Mathews discussed the fact that newspapers play a role in helping communities survive after disasters. “The role of the newspaper is to give the voice to communities after a disaster,” Mathews said. “Newspapers give a huge voice and centralize news around the things that need to be fixed.” Communication Assistant Professor Dr. Michele Kimball explained the importance of newspapers during disasters. “One of the great strengths of newspapers

Amber Beasley | Staff Writer

The Press-Register’s publisher, Ricky Mathews, spoke to USA students March 22 about where he thinks journalism will end up in the near future at the Main Library Auditorium.

and local media is that they give comfort to communities after a disaster,” Kimball said. “Giving the voice is imperative to the healing process for a community.” Some print journalism students said that, despite hearing negative things about the possibility of newspapers dying, Mathews gives them some hope. “Mathews made good points,” English major and Communication minor Valerie DePalma said. “Taking print information and putting more on the Web will help papers sur-

Gamma 9 Weather Research Center

Forecast for 3/28 - 4/2

Patrick Bigbie Meteorologist

We have a chance of showers just about everyday this week. We will start off the school week with partly cloudy skies, highs in the mid to upper 70s, lows around the lower to mid 60s and showers and thunderstorms increasing up to midweek. We should have the greatest risk for thunderstorms Wednesday and Thursday. Afterwards, temperatures will drop to about the low 70s for highs and lows will be around the low 60s. The weekend should be a lot dryer with mostly sunny skies and a small chance of a few showers. Highs will be around the mid 70s and lows around 60°.

For more local weather information, visit facebook.com/ stormteam4gamma9wx or follow @metwxpatrick and @stormteam4g9wx on Twitter.

vive. The big, local papers and national papers will always have print, but more information will be online.” Either way, knowing how to write well in a news-gathering format will always be in demand, Mathews said. “We will always need good writers,” Mathews said. “It’s the companies that can adjust to all the types of media and relay their news that will survive.” The Press-Register has found ways to sussee JOURNALISM | 20


Opinion

10

March 28, 2011

The

Vanguard Cassie Fambro, Opinion Editor opinion.editor@usavanguard.com

www.usavanguard.com/opinion

OUR VIEW EDITORIAL BOARD >>usavanguard.editor@Gmail.com

STAFF EDITORIAL Daniela Werner | Editor-in-Chief Alex Whalen | Managing Editor Cameron Adkins | Associate Editor

Genny Roman | Associate Editor Cassie Fambro | Opinion Editor Carey Cox | Senior Reporter

Time to get involved and vote in SGA elections

L

ike most USA students, you probably don’t know who’s running in the upcoming Student Government Association elections and don’t really care. People are going to get elected whether you vote or not, and the world will continue to turn despite your lack of involvement. But it doesn’t – and shouldn’t – have to be this way. Many students probably view the SGA like they would their grandmother. You don’t often think about them or visit that often, but when you need them, they’ll be there. This kind of thinking, however, ignores a primary feature of SGA representatives – to represent the students in their respective college. Yes, the SGA appropriates funds to clubs and organizations, but this makes the focus on what the SGA does the first two weeks of the semester instead of the remaining 14 weeks. In times past, this focus may not have been too far off the mark; even the appropriations process could be performed by some well-

trained monkeys. But now that the process has become more streamlined, senator participation will be key in continuing the trend of shorter budget meetings. We have reached a point where the skills and involvement of each senator is much more important than it has been in the past, and that means your vote matters more than ever. There have also been a number of inspired senate projects that will affect a huge number of students on campus. All of this requires good leaders and representatives being chosen by voters. And having motivated representatives for your college means that you’ll have someone looking out for you, and everyone else in your department. Next week, The Vanguard will have everything you need to know to make an informed decision in our voter’s guide. So check it out and then take three minutes out of your busy schedule of updating your Facebook status and skipping class to get on your PAWS account and vote.

April Fool’s Edition: Student Choice of Top 5 best April Fool’s Pranks

Poll options courtesy of musuemofhoaxes.com

No. 1

March 31, 1940, The Franklin Institute drew up a press release saying the world would be ending the next day and that it was no April Fool’s joke. Panic ensued although the perpetrator had been trying to publicize a lecture.

No. 3

Spotlight:

Andrew Schneider

Freedom Of Speech Taken too Far

Westboro Baptist Church is a small 70-member church located in Topeka, Kansas. The central belief held at this church is not the saving power of God’s love, but instead that any tragedy our country or its citizens suffers is a direct result from the wrath of God’s anger on homosexuals. In fact, they hold this belief so close that they spend an average of $200,000 each year traveling to protest about it. The sites they choose to protest are even more surprising. While many may reason an appropriate place of protest to be a place of public forum, such as outside a government building, Westboro Baptist Church pre-

fers funerals. This is exactly what happened in 2006 at the funeral of Marine Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, a 20 year old who died fighting in Iraq. Six members from the church picketed outside the funeral holding signs that said, “Matt in Hell,” “Thank God for Dead Soldiers,” and “Semper Fi Fags.” The church also posted on its Web site that Matt’s family raised him “for the devil.” Ironically, Lance Cpl. Snyder wasn’t even gay. Snyder’s father Albert then sued the Westboro Baptist Church for defamation, invasion of privacy and intentional infliction of emotional distress. Albert testified, “They turned this funeral into a media circus, and they wanted to hurt my family. They wanted their message heard, and they didn’t care who they stepped over. My son should have been buried with dignity, not with a bunch of clowns outside.” Through a long fight all the way to the Supreme Court, Albert eventually lost in an 8-1 vote, and along the way was even ordered to pay for the church’s court cost due to his loss.

The majority opinion stated, “…the First Amendment and that protection cannot be overcome by a jury finding that the picketing was outrageous.” I find this ruling upsetting for two reasons. First, the Supreme Court upheld the right to free speech because the subject matter the church was protesting was of public importance. Gay marriage in America is an issue of public importance. Teaching about homosexuals in public schools is also an issue of public importance. Homosexuals serving in the military is especially an issue of public importance. The idea that the death of our service men and women in combat is a direct result from God’s anger at homosexuals in our country is not an issue of public importance, nor is it an ideal held by any significant portion of our country’s citizens. Therefore, it should not be considered protected under the First Amendment. It is a hateful idea and the complete opposite of any ideal Jesus would stand for. In fact, officials consider it so hateful that the Church is monitored as a hate see FREEDOM | 20

April 1, 1998, MIT’s home page announced it had been sold to Walt Disney Co. for almost $7 billion. They site stated it would build the McDuck Management School and School of Imagineering.

April 1998: A New Mexico publication published that the Alabama State Legislature had voted successfully to change the value of pi from 3.14159. They said that Alabama changed it to 3.0, the true “biblical value.” Public uproar revealed the joke.

In 1992, a public radio station announced that Richard Nixon was planning to run for President once more. They claimed his platform was “I didn’t do anything wrong, I won’t do it again.” People believed it.

No. 5

No. 2

No. 4

In 2007, realclimate.org published that they believed that global warming was not a result of carbon dioxide, but a decline in the New Zealand sheep population. They also hypothesized the effects stretched to Venus.


The

OPINION

Vanguard

March 28, 2011

11

POINT COUNTERPOINT Should Attendance be Taken at the College Level?

Editor’s Introduction: Attendance is a needle in the spine of many students, especially those who would rather sleep in than sit in lecture. Many universities do not have attendance policies, but USA promotes such policies while allowing professors to decide the specifics of punishments or rewards. In some cas-

Attendance Should be up to Attendee

es, grades are reduced due to lack of attendance, and in others, hurtful grades are dropped or extra credit is given for showing up. As adults, should professors be mandating our presence, or should it be up to us to decide if we want to go to class based on our own feelings? Are we mature enough to be given the choice?

Attendance Policy Promotes Commitment

ties on top of that. College has commonly been Attendance is one of the showing up, you’re more likely to Needless to say, times will arise hailed as a haven for self-discovcrucial elements to any class, as succeed, and you get the added when we’re over encumbered, with ery; a place where pushing the it can often make or break your reward of grade cushion. too many things to do and too little limits both socially and academigrade. If a student is so against having time to do them. While missing work cally isn’t frowned upon, but actuMost teachers have some an attendance policy, there are online can lead to dire consequences, missally encouraged. form of attendance policy classes available that turns your coming class rarely has the same effect. Experimentation allows us to which allows a student to miss a puter into the classroom. Additionally, at the very core of challenge our parents’ values, and certain amount of classes with Being forced to show up for classes the assessment, we should realize that by ascertaining the value of these no questions asked, but after is mainly there to benefit the student; a college education is a service. past beliefs, grow as individuals. that line is crossed, it’s time show up – get the information – Each of Imran Blake With that being said, why to dock study the information – ace the test. us pays an inorshould class attendance be off the points. It’s a lot easier to complete a Mohiuddin dinate amount Barnes table, free of the scrutiny that we Teachcourse when you’re able to get the of money for as college students use to evaluate ers who materials first-hand and have someour classes, and the the other aspects of our lives? In a perfect have attendance one that knows what they’re talking about University makes its world all college classes would be engaging, policies aren’t trying explain it. money regardless of with instructors able to cater to the interests to punish students – Requiring attendance may come off as whether or not we atand passions of each and every student. they’re trying to help a little insulting to some college students, tend class. But in reality things operate much differthem. since most of us sport the mentality of, Because the Uniently. Classes are filled with hundreds of puIt’s repeatedly “I’m paying for this class, why can’t I just versity is performing pils, minimizing the chance of establishing been proven that go whenever I feel like it?” a service for us, we a meaningful student-teacher relationship, attendance helps I’ve asked a few of my teachers why they should reserve the and most courses rarely require a student to students earn better have an attendance policy in the past, and right to utilize that remain cognizant, once he or she answers grades than students most said something along the lines of beservice at our own roll. who regularly skip ing required to have one by the University. discretion. Furthermore, some classes offer no adclass. The severity of the policy is up to the Courtesy of thecampussocialite.com Likewise, knowledge ditional perspective. In the past, I’ve had It’s logical that if particular instructor, but consequences are is tested every semester Students have various reasons for missing class, someone is sitting in professors who have stood in front of the generally the same: miss “x” amount of not by an attendance class room for fifty five minutes and read classes and receive a failing grade. from illness to laziness, obligations to mental the chair three hours roster but through from the textbook. While it may seem a bit childish, athealth days. Should college students be penal- weekly listening to regular examinations. Now if there’s one thing that my K-12 tendance is there to help you. While the “I ized for excused or unexcused absences via man- the lecture that they Exams are the education has afforded me, it’s the ability to will absorb more paid for it,” mentality is a valid argument, datory attendance policies? ultimate measure of read flawlessly, so I don’t necessarily need information than it goes both ways. knowledge, and does for a professor to read to me. In fact, by someone who is You are paying for it in some form or attendance really matter if someone can sucgoing at my own pace, I tend to learn the never there. fashion with scholarship, your parents or ceed in a class that he or she never attends? material more thoroughly and in less time. I know that I, personally, would probyour hard-earned dollars, so why waste We’re adults. A required attendance policy also fails to ably never go to class if I didn’t have to. money by not receiving the education you We’ve been deemed responsible enough consider the busy schedules of students. EsMost classes offer some kind of reward paid for? pecially at a commuter university like South, to fight and die in war if we choose. So why for good attendance, most often in the With tuition prices where they are now shouldn’t we be able to pick which classes we many of us are workers as well as students, form of bonus points on the final grade. and where they’re headed, not many can attend? and some even juggle parental responsibiliWho doesn’t like free stuff ? Just for afford to skip class, literally.

Cassie Fambro Opinion Editor

SMOKE ON THE WATER

Crisis Pregnancy Centers: Their Blatant Deceit

False representation is an issue that plagues many walks of life. People lie in their day to day life, on tests, in romantic relationships and on taxes. It takes lying to an entirely different level when a person chooses to jeopardize a woman’s health by lying. Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPC’s) do exactly that. CPC’s knowingly market themselves as a place where women can go if they are pregnant and scared. The ads are all over the country, offering

free pregnancy testing and counseling. The problem is that CPC’s receive financial support from pro-life sources, like the Alabama Pro Life Coalition (APCL). This immediately introduces a bias, and that bias is what’s presented to vulnerable pregnant women. The APCL Web site claims that women need to “remember, abortion is a surgical procedure and you need to have all the facts before making any life-changing decisions!” Instead of facts, CPC’s offer misinformation and sheer manipulation. Right below the above statement are links to adoption agencies and CPC’s. Women, lured to CPC’s under the premise of free tests and an ear to listen, are instead met with guilt trips and false medical advice. Organizations like cpcwatch.org send decoys into CPC’s and report on what occurs behind closed doors The “facts” explained to these vulnerable women include false cancer claims and psychological risks. CPC’s have been caught telling women that

abortion causes breast cancer, a “fact” that the National Cancer Institute and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists publicly rebuke. As for those psychological risks, the American Psychological Association in 2008 concluded a rigorously intensive study deducing that there was “no evidence sufficient to support the claim that an observed association between abortion and mental health was caused by abortion...” Another extremely common CPC offense is telling women that the morning-after pill is a “pre-abortion.” The Mayo Clinic came out and countered this on their Web site, stating the pill can “delay ovulation, block fertilization, or keep a fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus.” This does not medically constitute abortion because at this point there never was a pregnancy. Cpcwatch.org reports that these facilities tell their patients that contraception makes STI contraction more likely, and that they should

wait to see if God wants them to miscarry instead of having an abortion. By masquerading as a public service and disseminating false information, CPC’s are manipulating a vulnerable public. To make matters worse, the National Abortion and Reproductive Rights Action League states that CPC’s are commonly unregulated, even though they often pose as comprehensive health clinics. That means that the person wearing the white coat might not even be medically licensed. The person offering counseling? He or she might not even have stepped foot in a psychology classroom. In reality, CPC’s would not be necessary at all if the same people who ran them embraced the idea of comprehensive sex education rather than adhering to antiquated and irrelevant abstinence only programs. The AIDS Research Institute and the Institute of Medicine can come out and say that abstinence only education is ineffective and see DECEIT | 21


Etc.

12

March 28, 2011

The

Vanguard Brett Williams, Etc. Editor etc.editor@usavanguard.com

www.usavanguard.com/etc

Move It AND Students spend spring break paying Lose It! event homage to famous Alabama author hopes for a huge turnout USA’s 2010 Physical Therapy class plans to attract adults and children while simultaneously changing bad eating and exercising habits.

By Brett Williams ETC EDITOR

There is a push happening in America right now to persuade and convince the American public to exercise regularly. Still, progress is an eight letter word for slow when you’re trying to get millions of people to break habits that appear to be embedded in their very being. So, the University of South Alabama’s Physical Therapy Class of 2010 is hoping to help youth and community members start new habits. Sarah Deshotel, a member of the Physical Department’s class of 2010, said they were hoping to do something to affect youth so they could teach them to develop better living habits early on like exercising and eating right. To that end, the class of 2010 will be hosting its Move It AND Lose It 5k and 1 Mile Fun Run/Walk. The event is intended to benefit the USA Center for Healthy Communities, in their movement to eliminate health disparities and create more healthy communities in the Gulf Coast Region. The Gulf Coast’s health concerns are becoming more and more dire as time passes. These health disparities are a grave concern for our area and constitute challenges and opportunities for everyone to improve their lives. Deshontel knows about these disparities better than most. Her family has a history of diabetes, so Deshontel says she is dedicated to helping others avoid the same and other diseases. Other organizations on campus, including members of several athletic groups, will also be participating. Festivities include a Kids’ Corner and 1 Mile Fun Walk at 10am following the initial 5k at 8am. Deshontel says that the second 1 Mile Fun Walk is intended more for kids and that students from the Center for Healthy Communities “We Run This City” campaign will be walking at 10am to accumulate the equivalent of a full marathon. “We wanted to do something that involves kids and inspires people to start a healthy regiment of exercise at home, too,” says Deshontel. Deshontel says that her lifestyle habits played a major role in her involvement in the fun run, but Deshontel and the see FUNRUN | 20

Brett Williams | Etc. Editor

At an even during the Southern Literary Trail Festival in the roles of Albert Murray and Ralph Ellison, Students Travis Davis (shown right) and Elijah Montgomery (shown Left) give their best impersonations of the two men as they read the letters the two exchanged. Murray had published their exchanges as excerpts in his book, "Trading Twelves: The Selected Letter of Ralph Ellison and Albert Murray." Jackson had selected the book as one of the semesters's readings and handpicked the two students.

By Brett Williams ETC EDITOR

Who are you reading about in your English classes this semester? Whitman? Frost? Ever hear of an author named Albert Murray? He’s from Alabama. You probably haven’t. It’s sad, but for all the years Albert Murray’s been writing, he hasn’t been circulated in most classrooms. Unless his books have been adopted as reading material in New York or at Tuskegee University, where he graduated, Murray’s name had never come up before last week when two of Dr. Jackson Kern’s students took the stage to pay homage to the author. After Dr. Kern and a panel of literary analysts including the editors of “Albert Murray and the Aesthetic Imagination of a Nation”, Jay Lamar and Barbara Baker and friends and critics like Paul Devlin. Together they shared insight on Murray and his work. Devlin, also a former Mobilian and writer was the most enlightening of the group. He read to the audience of his

experiences with Murray while they were acquainted for a short time in New York. Then the panelists turned to Dr. Kern Jackson, the University of South Alabama’s Director of the African American Studies

Brett Williams | Etc. Editor

Dr. Kern Jackson, Director of African American Studies, talks once more with Travis Davis after speaking to the audience about the students' preparation for their roles.

program, who talked about how it seems that Murray had managed to somehow have been overlooked by classrooms and teachers in the community he grew up in and wrote about so fondly. Kern kept his comments short and sweet and segued quickly to two of his students, who he had handpicked for roles as Ralph Ellison and Albert Murray who finally met one another after both graduated from the University of Tuskegee around the same time. Their friendship was an interesting one because of their shared interest in jazz and vernacular. Travis Davis and Elijah McLaughlin gave stirring dramatic readings of selections from Murray’s book, “Trading Twelves: The Selected Letters of Ralph Ellison and Albert Murray”. By the end of the night, their readings had opened the floor to the audience’s curiosity about the author and Ellison’s manner of speaking and they’re engagement that spanned several months and answered questions based on their interpretations of the letters and mannerisms Murray and Ellison used to write.


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14 March 28, 2011

The

ETC.

Vanguard

AT&T intends to merge with T-Mobile Review: ‘The Hunger Games’

This chart shows the estimated result of AT&T and T-Mobile's proposed merger on AT&T's nationwide network in Texas.

By Brett Williams ETC EDITOR

There’s no way around it; if the Federal Communications Commission gives the goahead, then we all have to dance to the tune or switch carriers. So, we should determine exactly where we’d be standing on the AT&T property line if the FCC gives the merger the green flag. According to CNET.com, the $39 billion acquisition of T-Mobile USA probably means high prices for consumers, but not necessarily on their monthly bills or service plans, which is good news. I, however, wouldn’t expect my bill to stay exactly the same, either. Let’s review what we had in T-Mobile: decent to fair prices, highest ranked customer service and a decent selection of phones and services. According to the numbers listed in T-Mobile’s 2010 Annual Report, the company has

33 million wireless subscribers in more than 200 countries. A big bonus for AT&T, if the merger succeeds, is that T-Mobile has invested millions of dollars in ways to speed up connection speeds. By purchasing T-Mobile USA, AT&T becomes an even bigger company, which almost always means more expenses. Who carries the burden of those expenses? Well, they normally fall on the consumer. So, consumers will immediately be faced with a difficult decision: the devil you do know or the devil you don’t? The problem is that there aren’t very many devils you don’t know. Sure, T-Mobile will leave a void behind that will someday be filled, but according to CNET. com’s Kent German, there aren’t many companies that can fill the void right now. T-Mobile USA’s service plans are some of the lowest in the industry for data. Don’t expect many companies jumping out of their seat to lower their prices. So, AT&T may have us there. Then, there’s

Graphic from AT&T

the added bonus of getting to experience what the combined resources of two superpowers can do. German makes sure to note that there isn’t expected to be any disruption in service aside from all the accounts that may be terminated because of the merger alone because the FCC may require that some consumers be released in order to support other carriers. Phones should still work. There shouldn’t be any issue with loss of support for any specific phone. Other than all of that, there are some technical issues to work out because the two companies offer content on two separate technologies, but T-Mobile maintains that things will be “business as usual” in the meantime. In a worst case scenario, any changes in phone service will occur slowly through upgrades according to a FAQ released by AT&T Wednesday. All that remains to be seen is if AT&T can keep up TMobile’s track record of leading the industry in customer service.

Cryptozoologists search for infamous cryptid By Patrick Senn

SPECIAL TO THE VANGUARD

In the Honey Island Swamp just outside of Slidell, La., about a two-hour drive from the University of South Alabama, there have been numerous reports for more than 40 years of groups of large creatures that resemble Bigfoot. USA PSI couldn’t resist the opportunity to perform a thorough investigation of a cryptid residing practically in our own backyard. There are several views when it comes to classifying reports of large hairy monsters. Of course, many sightings are soon revealed to be men in gorilla suits, or something equivalent; after all, who could turn down a chance at being the next huge hoax sensation? The two other most common types of reported phenomena fall into one of two categories. The first is the typical Bigfootesque cryptid, best explained as a kind of primate not yet identified by modern science. These creatures generally avoid people, tend to be between six and seven feet tall, and behave like fairly intelligent animals, often traveling in groups. According to John Michael Greer,

Grand Archdruid of North America and author of Monsters: An Investigator’s Guide to Magical Beings, the other type is a class of supernatural being. Greer mentions that in keeping with the paranormal research community’s traditional sense of humor, such a creature is known as a Big Hairy Monster (BHM). BHMs are said to vary dramatically in size, shape, and features. They are often reported as having between two and six toes, glowing eyes, and fangs, and usually behave much more aggressively toward people than a typical Sasquatch. In accord with their supernatural nature, they are solitary beings who seem to appear and vanish without a trace. According to Greer, BHMs are beings that exist on a spiritual realm not generally observed by people, like fairies and forest nymphs of lore. USA PSI set out on a three-day expedition last winter to determine if the creature reported to live in Honey Island Swamp did in fact exist. If so, we would attempt to gather enough evidence to form a theory of what type of hairy woodland creature it might be. We planned to attract it with raw meat,

in keeping with the wild animal theory. Since tobacco is said to attract some supernatural entities, including BHMs on occasion, a gift of tobacco wouldn’t hurt. Finally, we would need an expert tracker who could discern whether or not any evidence found in the swamp might be related to the phenomenon. Thankfully, none of these things would be hard to find. We managed to find a documentary about the Honey Island Swamp Monster created by Dana Holyfield, the granddaughter of the first man to report to the world at large that he had seen the cryptid, Harlan Ford. She provided the phone number of local man Denty Crawford who explained that since he was a child in the 1950s, long before Harlan Ford first reported the creature, natives would talk about tribes of people who survived by hunting and foraging in the swamp. These primitive swamp dwellers also, supposedly, happened to have lots of hair. In the next article we will explain the methodology used in our investigation, what we learned from the witnesses we spoke with, and other evidence we gathered during our time in the swamp.

scholars.com

The Hunger Games is part of a trilogy of books published by author Suzanne Collins

By Bailey Hammond STAFF WRITER

It’s easy to imagine a world where everything is perfect, but it’s harder to think about a world where society has fallen apart. Despite that obvious distinction, the most popular books often depict a dystopian society or world. Dystopia means, according to Encarta Dictionary, “An imaginary place where everything is as bad as it can possibly be.” I don’t know why people like to read about dystopias, but as a reader, I have to admit that some of my favorite books are just that: dystopian. Perhaps the newest on my list of favorites is The Hunger Games series by Suzanne Collins. Collins’ world of Panem has taken the literary realm by storm in recent months, and it is currently in the works to be a movie franchise. I’m not surprised. The stark beauty of Collins’s world, where children are sent to an annual game at the Capital to compete to the death as part of their post-apocalyptic existence, is mesmerizing. I’m not ashamed to tell you, dear gentle readers, that I was angry right along with the characters and that I cried at the critical moments. The Hunger Games places its readers in the mind of a young girl fighting to protect her family and survive at the same time. Katniss Everdeen lives in the poorest District of Panem and hunts outside of the boundaries to provide food for her mother and younger sister despite the penalty of getting caught. Each year when the Hunger Games comes around, she has to deal with the possibility that she or her sister might be chosen to compete. The first book in the series revolves around Katniss’s courage and daring, but also her stubborn conviction that her society is rotten. The only thing stopping her from fighting see HUNGER | 23


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Arts & Entertainment

Rodney Thompson, A&E Editor ae.editor@usavanguard.com

March 28, 2011

Le Boeuf:

Digital Downloads

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www.usavanguard.com/a-e

John Oliver divulges details on series The Vanguard grabbed an interview with “Daily Show” British Correspondent, John Oliver on the upcoming second season of his hit Comedy Central series.

By Rodney Thompson

ARTS & ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR

The Age of Digital Downloads, it is a marker for the period of time that we have entered. Some would say it started with the music industry. Napster unleashed a popular desire to hoard mp3 files. iTunes made it legal. Other programs came along such as Limewire and Kazaa. And now torrent files seem to be dominating the illegal downloads scene. However, the focus here isn’t solely on music. Some people would argue that we didn’t really become digital divers until movie downloads started to become prominent. There are the legal methods, and then there are the illegal ones. Either way the data, or entertainment, is there for the taking. Downloading, though, is not the only option. Streaming videos from services such as Hulu or Netflix are more common now, and, as such, people are turning away from rentals and standard cable providers. Not only can we get movies and music online, but video game downloads are also picking up in noticeable numbers. Simple games such as Angry Birds to full fledge copies of Call of Duty are coming down the digital pipeline. Being digital has become a fashion trend of sorts, movies and CDs usually come with codes to download digital versions of the disc-based content you purchased in the store. You can put it on your phone, your iPod, or your handheld gaming system. Pretty soon you will be watching “Scarface” on a monitor drilled into the back of your four-year olds head. What does this mean for the future of the disc? Will we eventually stop purchasing hard copies and embrace an all digital stream of entertainment that is flowing forth from hourglass-shaped devices a la “Batman Forever”? Probably not because, as we all know, not everyone is comfortable in a web based environment. Grandma and Grandpa are still using the DVD/VCR combo to transition from cassette to disc. Soon though, Grandma and Grandpa are going to make it over, and as our generation grows up and the iPad 7 and iPhone 12 start hitting the shelves, what point will there be in the hassle of a disc? I know that my geriatric-self will not be getting up to keep swapping out my dusty old seasons of “Dexter.” I will make a prediction now, and 25 years from now, I will look back on this article, neatly preserved in my scrapbook, and say I was right. I predict that by 2036, all media entertainment, whether it is a book, movie, music, or video games, will be purchased and downloaded via the internet solely. And disc-based content will be as forgotten as the cassette is now.

www.comedycentral.com

If comedians had a yearbook, John Oliver would be the yearbook editor. Oliver's show promises to bring to stage some of the industry's best kept secrets as he pulls talent from the most obscure crevises around the globe. Comedians pictured above from left to right, top row to bottom row: John Oliver, Maria Bamford, Matt Braunger, Hannibal Buress, Greg Fitzsimmons, and Chris Hardwick. This list makes up just a taste of the laugh soup Oliver promises his show to deliver.

By Samantha Andrews CONTRIBUTING WRITER

“Daily Show” senior British correspondent, John Oliver is yet again stepping into the stand-up comedy ring to host a new season of his series “John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show” on Comedy Central. Each episode Oliver opens with new original material and presents four comedians over the hour. Even in the Vanguard’s interview with Oliver, he was practicing his witty routine. “Comedy Central used to have a lot of comedy shows on,” Oliver says as he compares his series to predecessors, “and the ones they had on were absolutely terrible. The whole idea… [behind “John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show”] was to book people that were very imaginative and ambitious in what they were trying to do. So I think it should attract a certain kind of comedy fan. It’s not really for people who don’t like comedy, which it feels like what some of the previous Comedy Central series were.” Oliver doesn’t just pick up his collection of comedians on any old talent search. “Some of them are ones I’ve known for

a long time,” Oliver explains in response to the question of how he chooses his comedic acts.” Maria Bamford is probably my favorite comedian in the world. Others are very new acts, relatively speaking, in standup. People like Kumail Nanjiani or Marina Franklin or Rory Scovel or Mike Lawrence, who I’ve just seen doing stand-up at pubs and thought it would be great to have them on the show. Someone like Mike Lawrence has never been on TV, so it’s great to be able to give him the opportunity.” The show premiered March 24 to a very impressed crowd. Oliver kicked off his first episode with his views on swearing. “I don’t understand people that don’t swear,” Oliver declares. “Because if you don’t swear, I’m intrigued, what exactly are you waiting for? Has nothing sufficiently bad happened to the world during your lifetime that you’re not willing to uncork the bottle of potty mouth that you’ve been keeping for a special occasion?” Oliver’s projects include “The Daily Show”, the audio newspaper The Bugle, the sitcom “Community”, and now the second season of “John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show.”

“It was certainly a lack of other career alternatives,” says Oliver as he recalls his inspiration for his comedic career.” That’s usually the most inspirational reason to get into comedy. I wanted to be a footballer, and I lacked the skills to do that so comedy was a distant second place. I’ve managed luckily to make a career out of this. I loved comedy when I was growing up … [Since then] I’ve always done stand-up, so I find if I don’t do it for a certain amount of time I’ll get jittery. So I love to do it and having a series each year means that I can burn up that hour of material I’ve worked up over the year.” Maria Bamford, Greg Behrendt, David Koechner, Kirk Fox, Al Madrigal and Pete Holmes close each of their episodes with super-sized stand-up sets. The complete line-up boasts new stand-up from Anthony Jeselnik, Brendon Walsh, Deon Cole, Glenn Wool, Jen Kirkman, Kumail Nanjiani, Kyle Kinane, Marina Franklin, Mike Lawrence, Moshe Kasher, Rory Albanese, Rory Scovel and Tommy Johnagin. Starting March 24, “John Oliver’s New York Stand-Up Show” will air every Thursday at midnight ET/ PT, after “The Colbert Report” on Comedy Central.


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‘Dralion’ highest grossing show in Mitchell Center history

March 28, 2011

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Rod’s Weekly Planner

Arts & Entertainment activities on and off campus that are guaranteed to keep you busy without sending you to the Mobile Public Library.

Colin McGee | Photo Editor

Not only an amazing show, it turns out that the latest Cirque Du Soleil show was extremely profitable for the Mitchell Center. "Dralion" generated enough ticket sales to boost Mitchell Center right onto the charts of Venues Today.

By Brett Williams ETC. EDITOR

While speaking with the stage director of Cirque Du Soleil’s “Dralion” backstage a month ago before their big performance at USA, he said that the group seemed to really enjoy the community around the college and would definitely be looking forward to coming back someday. If rankings like the Mitchell Center’s presentation of Cirque received in Venues Today are any indication, there’s a good chance that the Mitchell Center will be attempting to bring Cirque back one day. “Dralion” was the highest grossing show at the Mitchell Center since its opening in 1999. Because of its presentation of Cirque Du Soleil, the Mitchell Center’s gross income made Venues Today list in two of its rankings of popular venues in March. Venues Today is a trade publication that spe-

cializes in the business aspect of entertainment and sports. Its main priority is to gather the news and information useful to bookers, owners and operators when deciding when and where to book their events. So, it’s a safe bet to say that Cirque would be happy about the news of their success in Mobile. The Mitchell Center placed ninth amongst venues with a maximum capacity between 10,001 and 15,000 seats in its March Issue. The Mitchell Center is only one of three venues in the top ten of that “Top Stops” list with less than 11,000 seats in its arena and the show only spanned four days. Those presentations of Cirque Du Soleil’s “Dralion” occurred between February 2 and February 6.. Within that time, the Mitchell Center hosted seven Cirque Du Soleil shows and generated an estimated gross of $811,855 in revenue. That revenue also helped the Mitchell Center place within the top five on

Win Two Free Tickets to Meet Author Kathryn Stockett

Kathryn Stockett, author of "The Help," is coming to Mobile March 29 from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. to speak at Mobile Bay Magazine's Steel Azaleas luncheon at the Saenger Theater. "The Help" has received international acclaim and has been on the New York Times Best Seller list for hard cover since early 2009. Stockett will share her Southern charm, answer questions and sign copies of her book.

Visit USAVanguard.com to enter and win! Winner will be decided and notified at 11:59 p.m. March 28.

Venues Today’s “Hot Ticket” rankings for March which is reason enough for us to hope to one day see a Cirque Du Soleil show again in the Mitchell Center. Three of the five shows on the list of venues with between 10,001 and 15,000 seats all hosted at least seven Cirque Du Soleil shows over four days. Aside from the competition of the small, tight media market in this area of the South, the Mitchell Center also has to contend with local venues like the Saenger Theatre and the Convention Center for acts such as Cirque Du Soleil. Luckily, the show was successful this past time, and Cirque Du Soleil has made history in Mobile. This show was the first since “Saltimbanco” came to the Mitchell Center in 2009. So, there’s hope that the University of South Alabama will someday catch a glimpse of some high-flying acrobatics again.

www.franklinparishlibrary.org

What: Paul, starring Simon Pegg and Nick Frost Where: The Crescent Theater in Downtown Mobile When: March 18 - 31 with daily showings at 6 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. What: "In Retrospect" presented by Renee Stapleton, an art exhibit Where: USA Library's 3rd Floor Gallery When: March 1 to April 30 What: Art at Random: Selections from the Permanent Collection Where: Mobile Museum of Art When: On Display until April 10 What: King Conquer, live music show. Where: Soul Kitchen of Mobile When: March 28 at 6 p.m. What: Alabama Moon, film adaptation with special Q&A with author Watt Key. Where: The Crescent Theater in Downtown Mobile When: April 1 at 6 p.m. and 8:30 p.m. What: Mobile Opera Presents Tosca Where: Mobile Civic Center When: April 1 at 7:30 p.m. What: Hypnaughty, hypnosis-based comedy show starring Thom Kaz. Where: Pure the Experience on Azalea Road When: April 1 at 8:30 p.m.

Have an event you want featured in the A&E section? E-mail A&E Editor Rodney Thompson at ae.editor@ usavanguard.com!


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March 28, 2011

Matt Weaver Sports Editor

CHARGING THE MOUND

Sports

The

Vanguard Matt Weaver, Sports Editor sports.editor@usavanguard.com

www.usavanguard.com/sports

USA Quarterbacks Highlight Spring Game

Team White Top Reds, 14-10 on Cotton’s Two Touchdowns

Arrow Still Man For The Job May we have a do-over? That’s the question likely being asked by head coach Ronnie Arrow and South Alabama men’s basketball following a frustrating 12-16 campaign. The season was marred by a little bit of everything: Injuries, player withdrawals and especially inconsistency at the point guard position. The end result was the Jags getting bounced in the opening round of the Sun Belt tournament last month by Arkansas Little Rock. The final loss divided fans on whether-ornot the season warranted Arrow’s return for 2011. The program has suffered a steady decline since making the NCAA Tournament in 2007-08 and fans are becoming restless. Make no mistake. This past season was a disappointing, and in many ways a failure. That’s not lost on those in charge. That said, Ronnie Arrow is the right man to lead South Alabama basketball. His pedigree is one of success and relevance. He’ll accept nothing less. Gears are already in motion to make things right for next year. Both junior Allyn Cooks and sophomore Martino Brock are tentatively set to return. Ditto for the reigning Sun Belt Freshman of the Year, Augustine Rubit. Toss in full seasons from Antione Lundy and Javier Carter and the Jags look set on the inside, leaving the perimeter and point as must-fix positions. Highly-touted small forward Mychal Ammons could be the shooting threat the Jags lacked throughout 2010. The Vicksburg High School (Miss.) senior possesses a 6’5”, 215-lb. frame and has the versatility to play in both inside and outside positions. Ammons spurned offers from several competitive national programs, instead electing to play close to home and alongside his sister, women’s junior forward, Taylor Ammons. With Ammons and three or four yet-to-sign guards, Arrow hopes to have the shooting options he lacked at so many times throughout the season. Fans also expect a new attitude at the Mitchell Center. Exiting seniors Tim Williams and Gary Redus never responded to leading the team the way they had last year. This left Brock, Cooks, and Rubit struggling to find a new on-court identity. Another year of experience should only help the returning Jags get back to the top of the conference. The past few seasons have not trended well for Arrow and South Alabama. And yet the argument could be made that the program is just one or two good moves away. It’s now up to Arrow to make those moves and with it, prove that he’s still the man for the job. Follow The Vanguard Sports Section on Twitter @ USAVGSPORTS

Colin McGee | Photo Editor South Alabama quarterbacks Raymond Cotton (L) and Logan Rogers (4) spent time under center for the Jaguars during Saturday's South Alabama Red and White Game from Ladd-Peebles Stadium. The White team came back to defeat the Red Squad, 14-10 on Cotton's two touchdowns with less than five minutes remaining.

Jags Spring Training Paying Dividends By Matt Weaver SPORTS EDITOR

With the real work having taken place over the past three weeks, Saturday’s annual spring football game was all about having fun. The White Team came back to defeat the Reds, 14-10 but that didn’t determine roster spots or playing time for the quickly approaching fall season. What did matter was how the White won, using two Raymond Cotton touchdown passes with less than five minutes to go. The impressive performance, coupled with his overall spring has helped land Cotton right back in the mix for season-opening starter. The red shirt freshman was once a highly touted prospect at Mississippi before coming home to Mobile. South Alabama head coach Joey Jones and his coaching staff still has high hopes for their quarterbacks. If Cotton can handle the pressure of a large deficit, it will only help his chances moving forward. “There was a little spark in the fourth quarter, we had to get it going,” Cotton said, who finished 3-of-4 passing for 92 yards. “It was a competitive game, and we just wanted to win. I feel good about how I played, but I feel good about how the team

played too — the offensive line blocked for worried about that. It was a chance to get me, which was what I needed.” everyone on the field and have some fun.” Cotton wasn’t the only quarterback im- Jones said. “I was concerned about our turnpressive in camp. The two key starters from overs. You’ve got to take care of the football the past two seasons were also impressive. regardless of who you are playing.” Freshman C.J. Bennett was 6-of-10 passing “It doesn’t really show when we play split on Saturday and tossed for 95 yards. squads, but we’re a vastly improved team. Gibbon, who was voted most improved “The guys have worked really hard in quarterback from practice and in a season ago, was the weight room. 3-of-6 passing for 29 We’re a bigger, doesn’t really show when we play stronger, and fastyards. Cotton, Bennett, and Gibbon split squads, but we’re a vastly improved er team and I’m could be an impor- team. The guys worked really hard in really pleased with tant storyline enterour spring.” ing pre-season prac- practice ... We’re a bigger, stronger, and The Jaguars tice in the fall. finished 17-0 to faster team and I’m really pleased with “We kept it pretty our spring.” start their first two vanilla and ran some seasons of NCAA basic plays, Bennett football. Season -Joey Jones, said. I was lucky I three will feature South Alabama Head Coach got coach [Ron] Antrips to Kent State, toine as our coordiNorth Carolina nator; we got to air it State and matches out a little more. “The game was fun and against schools from each Bowl Championcompetitive.” ship Subdivision classification. Coach Jones was impressed but cited opSouth Alabama football is tentatively set portunities to improve. to begin the 2011 season against West Ala“The bottom line is that when you split bama on Thursday, Sept. 1. Start times are into teams, especially offensively, the con- yet to be determined. sistency isn’t that good. But we weren’t too

“It


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Sports Briefs Track and Field Finds Success at Florida State Invitational

Jayson Curry Sports Columnist CURRY’S CORNER

Most Polarizing Team in Sports ATLANTA, Ga. -- After attending the Atlanta Hawks / Miami Heat game over spring break, I realized several things about the effect Lebron James has had over the NBA. The first is that whatever the emotion, everyone has them and they are especially polarizing toward the Heat and their newfound success. During pregame, I saw more Lebron James and Dwayne Wade jerseys than Joe Johnson and Al Horford’s, and this game was contested in Atlanta. When the teams entered through the tunnel at the Philips Arena, the hometown Hawks had a ton of cheers and yet the “rival” Heat had even more. The disadvantaged Atlanta fans responded with boos and even select four-letter phrases. A few fans even reminded Lebron that he’s “number one.” The next thing that became incredibly obvious was that the Heat now have 1927 New York Yankee-level talent. When James, Wade, and Chris Bosh teamed-up last summer they instantly became the most polarizing team in sports. With that level of stardom, the bandwagon jumpers were sure to come and they have. I concluded that all of the hate didn’t come because of the way Miami formed but just the mere fact that they did. Atlanta’s fans screamed their heads off each time Miami scored but were silent by the end of the first half when Miami secured a 50-37 lead. Lebron single-handedly eliminated the Hawks’ fanbase, scoring 43 to lead the Heat over the Hawks. After every successful three pointer, James would just stare down the fans, daring them to voice their displeasure. In the fourth quarter the only cheers from Hawks fans came when the arena put James and Wade together on the ever-popular “kiss cam.” The hatred and love for the Heat come from their immense talent level. The “Heatles” may just be three of the best players at their positions today and possibly the best overall when they hang up the sneakers. As great as the three stars are as individual players, they haven’t even figured out how to play together yet. The best (or worse) is yet to come. With that sort of talent, the entire league and their fans should be on standby. As for Miami Heat fans, they should expect yet another highlight reel contest. What I’m trying to say is, “Don’t hate, appreciate.” The Heat are here to stay whether we like it or not. Follow The Vanguard Sports Section on Twitter @USAVGSPORTS

IndyCar

IndyCar Finds New Home in Barber Motorsports Park

Matt Weaver | Sports Editor

The Guidepoint Systems Honda of Helio Castroneves goes through inspection prior to day two of the IZOD IndyCar Series Open Test. Castroneves was fastest in during the session.

By Matt Weaver SPORTS EDITOR

LEEDS, Ala. -- For the second-straight year, the IZOD IndyCar Series began its annual preseason open test at Barber Motorsports Park, home to April’s Grand Prix of Alabama. The four-day test session included a formal media day and the sanctioning body took this opportunity to lay out many of its plans for the 2011 season. The top priority included IndyCar’s decision to adopt NASCAR-style rules for restarts and lap down drivers. Since 2004, NASCAR has restarted race leaders sideby-side and placed cars one lap down or more to the back of the field. IndyCar will follow suit in 2011 allowing cars a lap down or more to get back on the lead lap by choosing not to pit with the leaders and getting waved-around by the flag stand. This places a strategic and entertainment element to races in 2011, something very important to IndyCar CEO Randy Bernard and COO Terry Angstadt. “After weighing all the options, we felt this is the best solution to allow our teams the widest platform and the most flexibility in employing varying strategies,” Brian Barnhart, IndyCar president of competition and operations said. “We don’t want to reward a lap back to a team. We want to give the teams the mechanisms to earn laps back through performance and strategic decisions. “Racing has evolved so much over the years, and it is extremely difficult for a car to earn a lap back when the pits close under caution,” Barnhart said. “By keeping the pits open throughout entire caution periods we are providing an opportunity for teams and drivers to capitalize on strategy and pair with on-track performance to remain in contention.” IndyCar had originally decided to use free pass rule, or Lucky Dog as it is known in NASCAR but the change was faced with stiff opposition.

Barber Motorsports Park is remaining on the schedule and has been met with universal acclaim. The track and sanctioning body has signed an agreement that will see the series remain in Birmingham through at-least 2013. “This is the only race in the deep south that markets to so many states and demographics,” Gene Hallman, CEO of Zoom Motorsports said. “Kids 13 and under are still permitted to the race free of charge and we’ve teamed up with local business and organizations to become a mainstay in this community.” This is good news for long-suffering open-wheel fans in the Southeast. Since the Indy Racing League and Champ Car World Series merged in 2008, open-wheel racing is experiencing a comeback. Before the entities split in 1994, Indy car racing was the most prominent form of motorsport in North America. NASCAR’s emergence directly coincided with the gradual fall of open-wheel racing. With one unified series and a renewed excitement surrounding the 100th running of the Indianapolis 500, IndyCar is trending back toward mainstream popularity. “If IndyCar were a publicly traded stock, I’d advise that you buy it right now,” Hallman said. “The news it’s generated in the last year is exciting, and it presents more than a great racing spectacle. “We [read the feedback and want to make the event] better,” Hallman said. “This park was built with the spectator in mind and is about perfection. We know we’ll never achieve perfection, but we’ll make it as comfortable for our fans as possible. It was also built with the promoter in mind to make refinements, to adjust accordingly and move things. It is a canvas to paint on to make it better.” The Honda Grand Prix of Alabama is the second round of the IZOD IndyCar World Championship. It will be held at Barber Motorsports Park on Apr. 10 and televised on NBC’s Versus Network.

The University of South Alabama track and field team garnered five top-five finishes Saturday to round out the FSU Relays, held this weekend at Mike Long Track in Tallahassee, Fla. Joey Torres took third place in the men’s discus throw on a mark of 49.15m (161-03), with Jeff Long finishing close behind at fifth, posting a personal-best 47.10m (154-06) effort. Torres won the men’s hammer throw Friday on a mark of 53.30m (174-10). Long also finished seventh in the men’s shot put after being edged out by fellow Jaguar Jarrod Kedzior, who took fifth on a personal-best shot of 14.66m (48-01.25). Long also placed sixth in the men’s hammer throw Friday on a 48.97m (160-08) mark. In the women’s triple jump, Briana Aiken notched a fourth-place finish on a personalbest mark of 11.77m (38-07.50). Latifah Johnson added a fifth-place finish in the women’s shot put to her weekend resume, posting a mark of 13.26m. Johnson also took the women’s hammer throw crown Friday on a toss of 52.94m. Baseball Takes Two of Three from Louisiana Monroe Brad Hook set career highs in strikeouts and innings pitched, and hit the go-ahead home run in the seventh inning to lead the University of South Alabama baseball team to an 8-3 win over the University of Louisiana at Monroe Sunday at Stanky Field. South Alabama (13-10, 3-3 SBC) captured their first Sun Belt Conference series of the season with Sunday’s win. Hook (1-2) earned his first win of the season with his first career complete game, and allowed just three runs on five hits while striking out a career high six batters. “I’m so proud of the guys for bouncing back and playing with intensity today and Saturday,” South Alabama head coach Steve Kittrell said. “Brad Hook pitched a sensational game. He really kept them offbalance and just did a tremendous job. But his home run after the momentum changed [in the seventh inning] was huge. I’m so proud of the guys for the effort after a tough loss on Friday night.” Baseball Falls to Southern Miss, 15-3 in Hattiesburg Southern Miss recorded 18 hits, eight of which went for extra bases, to defeat University of South Alabama baseball 15-3 Wednesday at Pete Taylor Park. Eight Southern Miss starters recorded hits in the game, while five Golden Eagles recorded multiple hits. Adam Doleac went 3-for-5 with two doubles, five RBI and a run scored to lead the Southern Miss attack. Marc Bourgeois went 4-for-4 with two doubles, three runs scored and an RBI. Kameron Brunty, Isaac Rodriguez, Travis Creel and Mark Ellis drove in two runs apiece. USM right-hander Boomer Scarborough (1-0) earned the win in 6 2/3 innings pitched while Jaguar right-hander Jeff Miller (0-2) suffered the loss in 3 1/3 innings Brad Hook went 2-for-2 with a run scored and a walk to lead South Alabama at the plate. Jordan Patterson added a double and two RBI. -Wire Reports


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Journalism from page 9

tain itself financially and operationally, according to Mathews. “The Press-Register is first in the state and fifth in the nation,” Mathews said. “It’s also part of Advance Alabama/Mississippi, a division of Advance. This company includes the Press-Register, Mississippi Press, Birmingham News and Huntsville Times.” Communication student Rebecca Suttle said she learned some new things about newspapers in Mathews’ lecture. “I didn’t really know how big The PressRegister is in Alabama,” Suttle said. “I didn’t realize how newspapers hold more credibility, in a sense, than other types of local media.” Newspapers have started to adapt to the new technology and adhere to the new age of journalism. “The product will change, but newspapers will never go away,” Sellers said.

FunRun from page 12

rest of the class of 2010 will have man the stands and concessions this year first and assist the Allied Health Sciences building with its health screenings. These booths will be sponsored by Vitamin Shoppe and PT Solutions, respectively. The event is scheduled to begin April 2 at 8am and is a certified 5k course on the USA Intramural Field Pavilion. Registration is open to adults and children. Prices vary by event and refreshments, awards and T-shirts are available as well as door prizes, music and children’s activities.

Freedom from page 10

group by the Anti-Defamation League and the Southern Poverty Law Center. Secondly, the church chose not to protest at a place of public forum. This could have been any number of places, the capital, any government building, any military recruiting office, and any private arena willing to host them. The church chose to single out one family to accomplish their goal of gaining media attention. In doing so they caused great emotional harm, destroyed the idea of Christian love, and stole from the family the last moments with their son who ironically died to preserve the very idea of freedom of speech and spread its right to the Iraqi people. Following the case, Albert stated, “My first thought was eight justices don’t have the common sense God gave a goat. . . . We found out today we can no longer bury our dead in this country with dignity.” Justice Alito wrote the dissenting opinion. Knowing full well the Church’s goal of inflicting emotional harm and gaining media attention, he wrote, “This is the strategy that they have routinely employed – and that they will now continue to employ – inflicting severe and lasting emotional injury on an ever growing list of innocent victims.” Justice Alito’s statement was certainly accurate. Now that the Church is supported by their newly gained pat on the back from the Supreme Court they have launched new attacks on their Web site. The latest was the funeral of seven innocent children killed in a house fire in Pennsylvania. Thankfully, they were a no show.


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Deceit

from page 11

leaving America’s youth in danger, but conservatives do not pay attention to the research. The AIDS Research Institute says that abstinence only education fails to promote any sustained behavioral changes and in fact leaves students at a higher risk for unplanned pregnancy and STI’s. What happened to knowledge is power? Teaching students about contraception and making it more readily available could save this country incredible amounts of money spent on federal programs like Women Infants and Children (WIC.) $6 billion was spent on WIC in 2008 which helps to support low-income women and children. The popular Choose-Life license plates garnered CPC’s over $12,000,000 by April of 2010 according to Choose Life Inc. I can only

March 28, 2011 imagine how far $12,000,000 would go to help support education. CPC’s are one of the most dangerous examples of societal ignorance. The idea of such clinics is a positive one, but it’s inherently wrong to imply that they really offer all choices when they are really no more than adoption rings. What they’re offering in terms of incorrect medical advice is toxic to their cause and the women they’re “helping.” These women aren’t “choosing life” if they’re being manipulated into doing so. The issue of unplanned pregnancy itself stems from education, and the APCL is just one of many organizations that fail to recognize that it’s a complex issue. The APCL Web site instructs parents to “tell your children to say no and why saying no is in their best interest.” Parents reading this just laughed out loud. If only it were that simple.

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March 28, 2011

Distractions

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www.usavanguard.com/distractions

Caption Contest

Do hilarious things come to mind when you see this photo? E-mail your funniest caption to editor.in.chief@usavanguard.com. The winner will be published in the next edition!

Caption Contest Results

Winner: “I see drunk people!” -Emilee Shuler Runner Up: “I wouldn’t stand in the line of fire if I were you, honey!” - Cameron Alidor

Sudoku Sudoku puzzles brought to you by USA’s Student Health Center. To make an appointment, call 251-460-7151. Rules: Fill each row, column, and square of nine boxes with the numbers one through nine without repeating any. Answer keys provided at www.usavanguard.com/distractions.


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Jag Life

March 28, 2011

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A Comic by Ben Lewis

Hunger from page 14

back is her family. You’ll have to find out by reading The Hunger Games for yourself. Or if you’re too busy, just wait for the movie. However, I suggest the books. I won’t spoil the story for any of you, but if you haven’t read The Hunger Games and its sequels Catching Fire and Mockingjay, you really need to consider a trip to the bookstore or your library. Yes, they are that good. Some fans of the series grumbled after reading Mockingjay. While I did have a little bit of an “Oh Great-Reader-in-the-Sky, what just happened!” reaction, I got over it, and I think

the ending meshes well with Collins’ overall theme and points. In Panem, the annual Hunger Games is broadcast across the 12 Districts, and each person has to watch as the children representing each District are fighting to survive, and mercilessly killing each other in the process. Humanity and what it means to be a human is called into question, as is the overuse of reality television. The Hunger Games is a method of control for the Capital and the mastermind behind the games, President Snow. Pres. Snow is what I describe in my nerd terms as a candy coated version of Sauron. But don’t let my bias dissuade you from

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reading about him yourself. I’m sure you all can come up with your own unique ways of describing him. Dystopias are cruel. But within each version of a dystopia, whether it is in Brave New World or The Hunger Games, the society or world in question still retains a portion of the society that preceded it: ours. I think that in the end, the startling similarities are what attract readers to the dystopian novel. They like to wonder “What if ?” and marvel at the horror of what could happen if people let things slip too far down the slope of no return. The sheer possibility of a world like Katniss’s is enough to make me shiver. What about you?

Write for The Vanguard! Send Writing Samples to editor.in.chief@ usavanguard. com.


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