March 31, 2014

VANGUARD THE

INSIDE

SGA hopefuls strive to set themselves apart

► JagLife: Oozeball: a history of fun and charity.

See JagLife, page 4

NOAH LOGAN | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

SGA presidential candidates (L to R) Danielle Watson, James Denny and Josef Hobdy respond to questions at the debate March 28.

By NOAH LOGAN Contributing Writer

► JagLife: ROTC prepares the elite to serve and protect.

See JagLife, page 5

VOL. 54, NO. 11

“If it matters to the USA family, it matters to us.”

MARCH 31, 2014

T

he SGA candidate forum held March 28, attracted more students than past debates. Elections committee chairman Coleman Wolf moderated the debate between attorney general, chief justice, treasurer and presidential candidates.

Attorney general candidates went first, but Justine Harris was the only

candidate present. She preached her three years of SGA experience and said that one of her main priorities if elected would be to garner larger support from students for Higher Education Day. Her time was short and sweet as no students offered any questions for Harris to answer.

The four candidates for chief justice were next to take the stage. Trenton Kaine O’Neal, Daniel Curry,

Micah Messer and Janelle Johnson all responded similarly to questions from the moderator about parking, a recurring issue for most students at USA. Curry, who has no SGA experience so far, said that all cases of ticket appeals must be heard with “open ears.”

Messer, a current SGA senator, addressed the problem by acknowledging the current parking situation is

“trying,” but according to him, “SGA has tried to fix it, and unfortunately the system is here to stay.”

O’Neal, a three-year SGA veteran, said that he would do everything in his power to make sure each case is heard on a “case-by-case basis.”

Johnson added that the chief justice would have to “take every precaution regarding the appeals” to make sure each case is heard fairly.

The two candidates running for treasurer, Emily Jerkins and Zach Charlton, were up next.

The first question from Wolf addressed how most students see SGA as a “piggy bank” and asked how SGA could fix that while still funding all its needs.

Jerkins was first to respond by saying that students think this way because SGA “neglects to pay attention to other needs of student organizations.” She added that SGA could help “follow through with these organizations and help with marketing and getting people to go to the events.”

Charlton responded by suggesting a change to the funding process as it currently is. He suggested that instead See Debate Page 2

Highly competitive scholarship awarded ► Sports: USA softball sweeps Louisiana-Monroe at home.

See Sports, page 13

► Opinion: Girl Scouts: innocent cover for a malicious scheme?

RED WINS!

SEE PAGE 11

By STEPHANIE FEATHER Contributing Writer

S

ophomore Catherine Zivanov, a chemistry major, has been named the 2014 Goldwater Scholar by the Barry M. Goldwater Scholarship and Excellence in Education Foundation.

Zivanov follows the May 2013 winner, Arslan Arshad, becoming the first back-to-back Goldwater scholarship winners from USA. The prestigious scholarship is awarded to college students who intend to pursue careers in science, mathematics and engineering.

A committee of 10 USA faculty members representing departments and colleges of the STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics) areas selected four nominees for the Goldwater Scholarship. From among the candidates recommended by the independent review committees, the Foundation Board of Trustees name up to 300 Barry Goldwater Scholars. The number of scholarships awarded per state depends on the number and qualifications of the nominees from the 53 jurisdictions, according to the Goldwater Scholarship website.

The one- and two-year scholarships cover the cost of tuition, fees,

See Opinion, page 14 find us on Facebook search “The Vanguard USA”

See Award Page 2

Check out our digital edition thevanguardonline.com

Red-Blue spring game showcases Jags’ talent ALYSSA NEWTON | SPORTS EDITOR

In this Issue:

JagLife, Page 4 Sports, Page 11 Opinion, Page 14

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VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

Award

Continued from Page One

tion. Patrick Poirson, a junior computer science and mathematics double major, and Trevor Stevens, a junior biomedical science major.

“We are very proud of these outstanding students and this accomplishment,” Dr. Michael Doran, director of the Honors Program, said. He also noted that it’s more common for juniors to win the Goldwater, but that the past two winners were sophomores.

“With Arslan receiving the award last year and both Robert and I being recognized this year, it shows that students from the University of South Alabama are just as competitive as those from ‘toptier’ institutions,” Zivanov said.

books, and room and board up to a maximum of $7,500 per year.

Zivanov began doing research in her freshman year at South. In high school, she was introduced to Dr. David Forbes, the chair of the chemistry department, and she developed an interest in his projects relating to medical applications. The study Zivanov and Forbes are currently working on seeks to develop a compound that will serve in anti-tumor drug development.

Zivanov wants to continue research and has been planning on attending medical school, but is considering graduate school instead. “My ultimate goal is to utilize my passion for science to benefit others and society as a whole,” Zivanov said. “I plan to do this by becoming a prominent researcher in the field of biochemistry and molecular biology.” She said she may consider moving somewhere else for her postgraduate degrees in order to spread her wings.

“I am very honored to have been named one of the 2014 Goldwater Scholars,” Zivanov said.

Zivanov wanted to give special thanks to the faculty at USA, especially her research mentors, Forbes and Dr. Richard Honkanen of the Department of Biochemistry and Molecular Biology. “The research that they are doing is just phenomenal, and I am so grateful to have the opportunity to work with them during my undergraduate program,” Zivanov said.

The three other students, who were nominated for the scholarship, are all in the USA Honors Program and also Whiddon Scholars. Each one has COURTESY OF CATHERINE ZIVANOV done extensive research in their area of interest Catherine Zivanov works at the and are heavily involved in volunteer work.

The other three nominees was Robert Mines, a National Science Foundation Research sophomore chemical engineering major, who was Experience for Undergraduates Program summer 2013. chosen as an Honorable Mention by the founda-

Debate Continued from Page One

of a flat $2,000 limit for every organization, SGA should take size and the organizations’ abilities to positively display the University into account and decide on an amount that could be more or less than $2,000.

Current Vice President William Pearson is running again unopposed. After his statement, the presidential candidates took their turn in front of the audience. Josef Hobdy, Danielle Watson and James Denny provided much variation to their own respective ideas and policies.

The first question for the prospective presidents asked each of them what his or her role would be as SGA president besides the duties specifically listed in the handbook.

Hobdy responded that it would be his role to make sure students are engaged and enjoying the campus. He said it would be his role to make sure the students feel “at home” at the University so they do not feel the need to go elsewhere.

Denny was next and responded that his involvement with students on the campus has already shown him to act like a student president without the title of one. “I’m engaged with many students, and I go out and meet everyone already.”

Watson followed by saying that the role of the president was to be “the voice for the students” at

all time. She said, “Whether it’s to the administration, going to different organizations or anything else.”

Wolf’s next question was the dreaded “list one reason why I should vote for you” prompt, however, each candidate refused to be fazed by it.

Hobdy referred to his experience working with University administration as the main reason to vote for him. “I know what it takes to get the job done and connect with students to be their voice. It’s not an issue for me to walk up to anyone and have a conversation with them about what they want at the University and then take that to someone who can actually do something about it,” he stated.

Denny was next and was quick to showcase his positive attitude as a main reason to vote for him. “When others see problems, I see success,” he stated, adding, “I want to be that voice to get out there and let everyone else know that I am there for them.”

Watson stated that her passion with SGA and using it as a tool to succeed provides the main reason to vote for her. “I’m in the office countless hours working on ideas that SGA can help with.

I’m interacting with student organizations, seeing the problems they face and trying to implement different programs that can fix these.”

The Vanguard devoted two pages of content last week to showcase all candidates running for all SGA. Please visit thevanguardonline.com for more information regarding these candidates.

VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

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Weather for March 31 - April 6 “University of South Alabama’s Student Voice”

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03/19/2014 21:23 Harassing communications Stoke Hall Victim received a threatening note.

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03/19/2014 18:51 Theft of property first degree Medical Sciences Building Subject reported that his Apple MacBook Pro valuing $2,600 had been stolen from his office.

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PATRICK BIGBIE | STAFF METEOROLOGIST

03/17/2014 20:05 Theft of article from auto Alpha Omicron Pi sorority Victim’s vehicle had the front passenger window broken and her wallet stolen from the front center console.

Meet your SGA

By MEGAN RISACHER

By KAYLA BARRETT Contributing Writer

Contributing Writer

T

oday is the big day for some SGA officers. It’s Election Day! For those of us who aren’t campaigning for an SGA position, we get to sit back, relax and simply click a button to vote for our favorite candidate. For the SGA nominees, though, it is very stressful. They are filled with anticipation as they wait for the results to roll in.The voting student body has it easy.

Molly Elizabeth Miller is running again for Student-at-Large. She has been the voice of the student body since the summer of 2013. Miller is a sophomore and a soon-to-be business management major. Currently, she is majoring in pre-physical therapy.

She loves to plan events, which explains why this office is so perfect for her. One of the main roles of being Student-at-Large is planning the Inter-Presidential Council dinner. The IPC dinner is a formal dinner for the president and leaders of student organizations to come together. This year’s event will take place April 15.

Miller is involved with other organizations as well. You may have seen her around campus a couple of times. She is the CC officer of Alpha Gamma Delta Fraternity and has been inducted into two honor societies, the National Society of Collegiate Scholars and Phi Eta Sigma.

Her sorority sisters call her perfect. She calls herself dedicated and dependable. No matter what, Miller is a leader always willing to lend a helping hand.Miller started school at the University of Montevallo, but her heart just wasn’t there. “I became homesick and missed my family. Coming back home and deciding to go to South was the LEAVE COMMENTS FOR CAMPUS AT thevanguardonline.com/campusfeedback best decision I have ever made,” Miller said.

H

ave no fear my fellow students, William Pearson is much more than just a handsome face. He is your current Student Government Association vice president and is currently running unopposed for the next year.

A native of Daphne, Ala., Pearson grew up in the Mobile area. He is a senior and plans to return next year as a graduate student. His favorite part of SGA is being able to help students and their organizations, something he understands very well.

Pearson is also a member of the Tau Kappa Epsilon Fraternity, and served as their president last year. In the past, he has also served as their new member educator, treasurer and philanthropy chairman.

He said he loves that students can come to SGA with their problems, and they are able to work through them together. When asked what he believes to be his biggest accomplishment with SGA, Pearson said, “SGA is currently working on implementing a new campus management system that will streamline the appropriations process, improve the promotion of student organizations and enhance the communication between students and SGA. “We are improving transparency and our org anizational processes,” Pearson said. “With that being said, I would like to think that my ‘biggest’ accomplishment has yet to come.”

By UCAMBRE WILLIAMS Contributing Writer

T

he aura of Nicholas Frazier is one of confidence and dedication when he talks about his Student Government Association role.

Student government has always been a part of Frazier. In high school, he was a part of the SGA, the National Honor Society and a student ambassador with People to People.

Through People to People, Frazier traveled to numerous countries in Europe and other parts of the world. Since college is a huge melting pot of different cultures, Frazier can easily relate to his fellow classmates and voters.

Frazier has continued to be involved in the student body. He has been a SouthBound orientation leader for the past three years. With SGA, he has done a variety of small projects around campus. One in particular is the newly paved sidewalk between the Humanities and Chemistry buildings.

Regarding the sidewalk project, Frazier said, “I just thought it needed to be done because it looked odd, out of place.” With all the renovations on campus, small projects like this do not need to be overlooked, he added.

After graduation, Frazier plans to attend law school. Frazier is running for re-election to senator for the College of Arts and Sciences.

LEAVE COMMENTS FOR JAGLIFE AT thevanguardonline.com/lifefeedback

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jagLIFE

Oozeball: a history of fun and charity

By BRIANNA ERVIN

Contributing Writer

O

n Saturday, April 18, South Alabama’s longest running spring semester tradition will be back marking the 26th year of the Oozeball Tournament.

Organized and sponsored by the Alumni Association’s ambassador group, The Southerners, this event is sure to be greater than ever, as it just gets bigger and better every year.

According to the University of South Alabama’s website, the Southerners originated in 1978 and consists of 16 USA students who work closely with the National Alumni Association, President’s Office and other University and community groups to fulfill vital roles in every aspect of University relations. The Southerners serve as the official ambassadors for the University of South Alabama throughout the country.

Oozeball is an all-day volleyball tournament played in 18 inches of mud and water.

The mud gets all over you, seeping into anything and everything, making it the muddiest and dirtiest event to ever hit South’s campus.

Dressed to impress in their navy suits, the Southerners are the last people expected to get down and dirty. However, this organization makes money off mud.

Q E

uestion

of the

dition

Tyree Dixon Freshman of Nursing “Art History- I didn’t like it.

Drama- I ended up loving it.”

MATTHEW STRICKLAND JAGLIFE EDITOR strickland.matthew12@gmail.com VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

events this week

April

VANGUARD ARCHIVES

Last year, they chose to donate a portion of their proceeds to USA Children’s and Women Hospital. This year, they’re keeping it a little closer to home by investing half of the proceeds back into their organization.

The money raised will be matched by the Mitchell-Moulton Scholarship Initiative Fund, and the Southerners are using this program to their advantage to establish a scholarship to benefit one of their own.

Fun, upbeat music will be playing throughout the tournament, and a prize

What class did you think you would love but hated or what class did you think you would hate but ended up liking?

Katherine Ballenger Sophomore of Criminal Justice “Sexual Violence- It ended up being interesting. Modern Policing-I thought it would be more interesting. It was about history.”

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Dillion Garcia comedy show 7:30 p.m.

Mitchell Center

2

IMC Music and Book Sale 9 a.m. - 4 p.m.

HUMB Courtyard Hardcover books, CDs, LPs and 78s are $2 each; paperbacks, 45s, and cassettes are $1.

raffle will take place. The top three teams will each win a prize. Each participant will receive a T-shirt, and food will be sponsored

by PDQ. “Playing oozeball is a lot fun,” Assistant Director of Alumni Relations Jessica Callahan said. “It’s messy, dirty, and a great way to bring people together.”

Bring lawn chairs and beach umbrellas, and come join in all the fun.The Southerners encourage all students, faculty and alumni to participate and come out and support.

USA Symphony Orchestra Spring Concert 7:30 - 9:30 p.m.

Students: $5 General: $8 Laidlaw Center

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Kemaya Cunningham Senior of Psychology “Biology. I liked it.”

Alexander Fischer Freshman of EMS “So far all my classes have been what I expected them to be.”

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USA Jazz Ensemble Spring Concert 7:30 - 9:30 p.m.

Students: $5 General: $8 Laidlaw Center Last day to drop classes By 4:59 p.m.

USA Brass Ensembles Spring Concert 7:30 - 9 p.m.

Students: $5 General: $8 Laidlaw Center First Friday Art Walk USA at Baldwin County 6 - 8 p.m.

Announce your events here!

Email event details to strickland.matthew12@gmail.com

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VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

ROTC prepares the elite to serve and protect

By RYAN WALLACE

Contributing Writer

O

ne of the hallmarks of attending college is participation in student groups.

Whether they participate in one group or several during their college careers, most students will find themselves a part of an organization based on professional development, service or hobbies. What makes the young men and women of USA’s Army Reserve Officer Training Corps different from most of the other student organizations is that their organization is a healthy mix of those different types of groups, and geared toward one of the most important aspects of the United States’ national defense: the training of future U.S. Army officers.

The ROTC’s most basic function is to provide military education to officer candidates (known as cadets) to supplement the education the cadets receive in their chosen major.

This is done with a combination of eight semesters’ worth of military science classes and laboratories, broken down into four years (MSI, MSII, MSIII and MSIV). In addition to earning grades in the classroom, cadets must pass a myriad collection of assessments, including regular physical fitness and rifle marksmanship tests.

The most important of these is the Leader Development and Assessment Course, the definitive test of a cadet’s knowledge and ability to lead. LDAC is held at Fort Lewis, Wash., and is attended by cadets during the summer following their MSIII year. Over the course of

RYAN WALLACE | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

USA Army ROTC cools down by stretching after an early morning work out at the intramural fields March 20. a month, cadets are evaluated on their knowledge of both the basics of Army leadership and their ability to command their fellow cadets in a series of leadership positions. Officer hopefuls must complete LDAC with a good evaluation in order to continue to their MSIV year, during which they assume leadership positions in the ROTC and complete their studies to become U.S. Army officers.

As demanding as the physical, mental and time requirements are to simply do the minimum required in the USA ROTC, many cadets seek out additional opportunities to improve themselves and help others. Many participate in the Ranger Challenge team, the

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varsity sport of Army ROTC. This competition involves months of intense preparation to test the team’s toughness, leadership ability and basic military skills against other schools’ ROTC teams.

Other cadets participate in Jaguar Joggers, a team that competes in local running competitions. Besides physical competitions, cadets have the opportunity to become members of The National Society of Scabbard and Blade, the most prestigious military and service honors society in the country. Membership in the group is considered elite, and is earned through election. Another honor for ROTC cadets is participating in the Color Guard, per-

haps the most visible component of the Army ROTC at South Alabama. The Color Guard carries the nation’s colors in a ceremonial capacity at parades and events both at USA and in the local community, such as Mardi Gras and graduations at South Alabama.

As the USA ROTC continues to fulfill its mission of training the future officers of the U.S. Army, they are in search of motivated young men and women to lead American soldiers. Interested individuals can visit the USA ROTC website at southalabama.edu/ armyrotc or go to the ROTC building located at Alpha Hall South, located along University Boulevard.

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VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

ASME holds JagWarrior adventure race April 19 5K features obstacles such as a wall climb, tire push, hurdles, sack hop and art walk

By RYAN WALLACE Contributing Writer

T

he South Alabama chapter of the American Society of Mechanical Engineers will hold their second JagWarrior Race Saturday, April 19 at 10 a.m.

The 5K “adventure race” will take place at the USA Intramural fields.

Instead of a more traditional footrace, the JagWarrior Race will combine running with the navigation of many different kinds of obstacles along the course.

Similar to the increasingly popular Spartan Race, the 5K will feature obstacles ranging from a wall climb, tire push and hurdles to a sack hop and “art walk.”

Bikal Parajuli, vice-chair of ASME and one of the organizers of the event, characterized the JagWarrior Race as “one of the biggest events that ASME of South Alabama organizes. It was a great success last year, and it’s fun and challenging at the same time.”

The race, which is organized by ASME and sponsored by the Student Government Association, is meant to be a fun event. But for the competitive racers, Parajuli said that ASME will be offering prizes for winners. These will be available for racers competing either individually or in teams, but whether the racers compete individually or as teams, the entry fee per racer is $10, to be paid at registration.

Racers looking to test their endurance, compete for prizes or just get a little dirty still have ample time to make their plans to take part in the race. While the race begins at 10 a.m., all registration will be held the morning of the event, rather than requiring pre-registration from entrants.

Registration will take place up until the race begins. ASME invites all who are up for a challenge and enjoy having fun to sign up and race with their fellow students. If nothing else, according to Purajuli, “It’s the most fun way to blow off some steam before the finals get here!”

Automotive engineers host inaugural car show

By JAMIE REID Contributing Writer

T

he Society of Automotive Engineers will be having a car show Saturday, April 12 from 10 a.m. until 2 p.m. in the Shelby Hall parking lot at the corner of Old Shell Road and Jaguar Drive.

The car show is presented by the Society of Automotive Engineers, and the organization hopes to host the event annually.

The SAE has partnered with Tau Beta Pi, the engineering honor society, and National Society of Black Engineers for the event.

The car show is open to everyone, and the admission for spectators is free. There will be complimentary food and drinks as well as games and prizes.

Students are encouraged to participate by entering their cars. A lot of students have worked hard to have nice cars or are just really proud of their vehicles. Don’t hesitate to register for this opportunity!

If you wish to enter your car in one of the numerous categories, there is a $15 registration fee per vehicle, and you may visit enduranceusa.org/events-media or contact Chris Hanley at phone number 251-4581243 or e-mail him at cwh603@jagmial. southalabama.edu The categories for the car show are available to be sponsored. The price to become a sponsor of a best in show category is $100. If you sponsor a category, you will

receive an engraved plaque and will be listed on the website with that category.

The car show will also have a vendors section. You can purchase four parking spaces for $100 in this section to promote your business.

To either sponsor a category or reserve a spot in the vendors section, use the contact info for Hanley or the website previously mentioned.

Some of the programs involved, including Endurance USA, may have the cars their programs are working on present at the show to give an idea of what the SAE does.

They will be donating some of the proceeds to Engaging Youth through Engineering (EYE) for their summer programs.

EYE is an outreach program developed to bring relevance to the K-12 mathematics and science curriculum and get them excited. They want to engage and prepare middle school students to take on the coursework needed to support the growing demand for highly skilled and technologically savvy workers for major industries located in the Mobile, Ala., area.

The rest of the money the show brings in will go to the student chapter of SAE. If you wish to help with this event in any way, contact Hanley at the information mentioned above. Any and all volunteers, car owners, sponsors or vendors are welcome.

JAMIE REID | CONTRIBUTING WRITER

Society of Automotive Engineers gather in Shelby Hall. (Top, left to right) Johnathan Davis, Russell Cunbaa, Alexander Walley, Augustine Tren, Billy Burke, Lisa Schibelious, Taylor Gwin, Timothy Battle, Charles Davis.

(Bottom, left to right) Chris Hanley, Glynn Davis, John Khangsumrith.

THE VAN-GUARD APRIL FOOL’S EDITION

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VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

Obama to blame for parking issues 2062 Olympics to be held at A South Alabama

By RYAN KELLER Contributing Writer

mid frustration among students and faculty at South Alabama in regards to the negative issues of parking on campus, some resolution has come in new findings of the primary culprit in the issue: President Barack Obama.

Many have guessed that the daily struggles of individuals to find a parking space in their designated “zone” in the midst of endless empty blue spaces was somehow linked to Obama. But it was mere speculation until a well-followed blog titled “Doug’s Banters 79” finally proved the link between the administration and South’s parking.

“It’s his fault,” Doug, who gives no last name, wrote. “Obama did it.” He went on to explain that the main device used in pushing the parking agent was “something to do with that health care crap.”

But some are still skeptical of the link, like this one liberal woman from Mississippi. “The Republican elitists will always keep the status quo,” the woman stated. “They just don’t see the long term plan. They just want to scream socialism!” Needless to say, she was angry.

Congress and the Obama administration have been largely ignoring the issue.

Many say that it is a tactical approach, with both Republicans and Democrats attempting to shift focus to international affairs

rather than local. “It’s stupid,” Doug wrote in response.

The logistics of the parking structure on the campus of South Alabama is one that has always raised questions. Students parking in the southernmost parking lot, between the College of Business and the College of Engineering, can rarely tell if they are arriving, or leaving in the correct direction. Many have wondered why the lanes are so wide when the actual spaces for parking are so narrow. “It’s socialism,” Doug said.

Local officials have vowed to resolve the

issue, but for now, students must deal with the current structure, bearing the random tickets from parking patrol and dented doors from fellow students.

“I do actually really feel some progress from being able to put the blame and point the finger at someone,” student and local manure harvester Deuce Gomer said. “I find that I can pretty much blame Obama for just about anything. It’s easy!”

The Vanguard contacted the Obama administration for a response to these allegations, and the president responded, “South Alabama? I hear they have good seafood.”

STAFF ILLUSTRATION

Dungeness crab to replace mascot

By RYAN KELLER Contributing Writer

L

ast Tuesday, March 25, after several long meetings with University board members, along with SGA and select college officials, a decision was reached to change the current University of South Alabama mascot, the Jaguar, to a more appropriate, stronger symbol: the rare, indigenous Dungeness crab.

The decision was met with mixed emotions from faculty and alumni, all of whom praised the decision, but also raised questions regarding the controversial nature of the Dungeness crab itself and the effect the decision could have with animal habitat enthusiasts. Many are worried that the area-specific creature attached to the South will outrage coastal dwellers who are already proud of their local indigenous wildlife.

The Dungeness crab has had a history of controversy, starting in the 1920s, ap-

pearing on anti-theater billboards and later becoming the symbol of the Colonial Party.

In 1956, famous actor Milton Gangnam was seen at the forefront of a march against comedic insensitivity shouting, “The crabs are big, the crabs are free, you give the crabs something to see!”

Proponents of the change, however, view the decision as a boost of authority and recognition among other state colleges.

Calvin Doog, a local Dungeness crab plan-

etarium keeper, feels the crab is a symbol of positive aggression. “A crab is a crab, I used to say,” Doog said, “but now that I have these crabs, I feel my new crabs are special.”

Many insist, like Doog, that the Dungeness crab is a symbol that promotes tactical learning and aggressive attitudes. Gilbert Halbert, a senior fellow at the institute for side-to-side mobility stated, “You ever hear a crab squeal? It’s absolutely terrifying. Terrifying!”

The implementation of the new mascot will go into effect starting April 1, 2015. Images of the current mascot, the Jaguar, will be gathered over the course of the year and sold to reality shows to be placed in storage sheds and sold to unwitting collectors wanting to be on television.

The final vote for approval came from a Dr. Jan Yanburger. When asked the deciding factor in his vote, he replied, “You ever seen one of them things? They’re f****** huge!”

By SAMUEL BROWN Contributing Writer

N

ew South Alabama president Dr. Tony Waldrop made it clear that he has many great things envisioned for the University. This past Thursday, one of his visions became reality when South Alabama was named host of the 2062 Winter Olympics.

“I’m so proud to be a part of history,” Waldrop said. “It is amazing to be president of the first university to hold the Winter Olympics. I imagined this when named president, but never knew it would happen so soon.”

Waldrop did express a little disappointment in knowing that in 2062 he may no longer be president of the University.

He still remains proud that he is the one to bring the public eye to Mobile and hopes to be remembered as doing so.

Although 48 years away, many details have been leaked.

The snowboarding events will be held at the hill in the middle Intramural Sports Complex. The track will be iced over and hold the ice skating events. Curling will take place in the Student Center, which is currently being renovated and expected to be finished (hopefully) by 2062. South Alabama is expected to develop a perfect table for arm wrestling, which they believe will be named an official Olympic sport by 2062.

South Alabama outbid Los Angeles, Tokyo, London, Jerry Jones and Billy Ray Cyrus to earn the rights to the 2062 Winter Olympics. The exact amount of the winning bid is currently unknown.

When asked about how the University got the funds to make the bidding, Waldrop admitted that ever since the University was established in 1964, the funds earned from library copies and printings have been saved in order to make an investment such as this.

This news has shocked the students and South Alabama community. It is unbelievable to some, and seems ridiculous to others.

“I don’t believe it,” South Alabama freshman Aaron Beng said. “I will not believe it until I see it. I don’t trust you. I wouldn’t believe this in 100 years. I might not even see it if it does happen, because I might not live to the age of 67.”

When told that this will be reported in The Vanguard and that all reported stories are trustworthy, Beng stated that he wouldn’t read the issue because he said that he doesn’t want his “mind molded by preposterous propaganda.”

“I think this is ridiculous,” Aaron Poiroux, also a freshman at South Alabama, said. “A portion of my tuition is going toward something that will happen when I’m, like, 70?

Well, maybe my great-grandchildren will enjoy it.”

The Olympics will be televised by Fox 10 Mobile. Bob Grip is expected to serve as the main commentator for the games, although he has not confirmed. Einstein Bros. Bagels will be the official sponsor of the Olympics, providing free bagels to all students who show up at least an hour before the start of daily events. Cream cheese will not be provided and must be purchased beforehand.

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VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

Jaguar basketball player quits, chases football dreams USA’s Austin Karazsia goes from shooting hoops on the court to throwing touchdowns on the football field

ALYSSA NEWTON | SPORTS EDITOR

Austin Karazsia trades in his basketball shoes for pads and a helmet.

ASSYLA NOTWEN And boom goes the dynomite

A

late addition has been added to the roster for the last week of spring practice. Freshman basketball player Austin Karazsia announced Tuesday, April 1 that he will be leaving South Alabama’s basketball program and dressing out in pads and a helmet starting next fall.

“It was kind of a last minute thing,” Karazsia said. “I always loved football and didn’t do too shabby in high school. When Coach Jones offered me a spot on the roster, I thought, ‘Why not?’ I’m awesome, football is awesome, so I said heck yeah.”

Unknown to many, 6-foot-7 Karazsia was also a quarterback in high school. Karazsia was named to first team All-State in Indiana football Class 1A his senior year. He was then named The Herald Time’s Offensive Player of the Year after the star quarterback threw for 3,336 yards and 42 touchdowns, leading the Linton Miners to the semi-state playoffs.

WHAT DOES A

Head football coach Joey Jones seemed very excited for the newest addition to the Jag football team.

“I think Austin is a great kid,” Jones said. “I saw a feature on him when he first came to South and saw where he used to play football as a pretty decent quarterback. I Googled him and was surprised at what I came across. I caught him in the weight room after a practice one day and handed him a football and told him, ‘Show me what you got.’ After I watched him throw with Ross (Metheny), I knew that we needed an arm like his in this program.”

Former quarterback Ross Metheny, who is now working with the team as a graduate assistant, was impressed by the freshman’s ability and raw talent after working with Karazsia this past week. Metheny says that the soon-to-be former basketball player has found his calling.

“I think there’s a new sheriff in town,” Metheny said. “I would know; I was the sheriff.

I had the handlebar mustache and nickname to prove it. My boys, Brandon (Bridge) and Trey (Fetner), need to watch out. This guy has some

Austin Karazsia @AKarazsia32

Quarterback

Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

Gering-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding!

?

Drew Dearman @Dewski72_ Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow! Wa-pa--pa-pa-papow! Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!

serious potential and could be the next, well, Ross Metheny.”

Although the transition from basketball to football was expected to be a rocky one, the basketball program has been surprisingly supportive.

“In the end, we’re all Jags,” head basketball coach Matthew Graves said. “We’re losing a great player, but if football is where he is meant to be, then that’s where he needs to be. I personally think he’d get more playing time as a basketball player, but you got to let the guys do their own thing. You’re welcome (Joey Jones) for bringing him all the way down from Indiana.”

Basketball graduate assistant Jordan Surenkamp said there were early signs of Karazsia’s misplacement in South Alabama athletics.

“We could never entirely figure out why Austin would come out early to practice and throw the basketball like a football,” Surenkamp said. “At the time it was really weird, but it all makes sense now. But he comes from Indiana where basketball is life, so I guess with this switch to football, he’s not a true Hoosier.”

The signs were present, and Karazsia had an important choice to make. In the end, his passion for football would ultimately overrule his Yankee roots.

“It was an easy decision for him,” Suren-

kamp said. “Me and Austin sat down and talked about it and realized his dream was playing football in college. We wish him the best of luck.”

Karazsia will be participating in spring practice workouts this week and will be working one-on-one with quarterbacks coach Robert Matthews. Karazsia will have to be formed quickly into the quarterback he needs to be to compete with veterans Brandon Bridge and Trey Fetner for this upcoming season.

In order to compete, Matthews has set up a special workout routine for the new quarterback, including hurdles and end zone dance lessons.

“If he wants to be the best, he’s got to do it better than the rest,” Matthews put simply.

The hurdles will act as preparation to hurdle other players on the football field while scrambling such as Bridge was known for last season.

The end zone dance lessons will be conducted to rival Metheny’s “hands in the air/happy feet” dance and Fetner’s traditional one-kneed “Tebow.”

“I think I’ll really prove why I chose football this fall,” Karazsia said. “I know I have what it takes to be the starting quarterback. I mean, I’m awesome. I can’t wait to hear the crowd cheering my name. That is, if they can figure out how to pronounce it.”

COURTESY OF AUSTIN KARAZSIA

Karazsia was a first team All-State quarterback in high school.

Jordan Surenkamp @Surenkamp_ acha-chacha-chacha-chow!

Jacha-chacha-chacha-chow!

SouthAlabamaDude @thisissofake A-hee-ahee ha-hee! A-hee-ahee ha-hee!

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!

9

VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

Harry Potter spotted at South Alabama quidditch tourney The Hogwarts talent scout spotted flying around South Alabama March Madness Quidditch tournament MISS MUNDAY Master of the club sports-arts

T

he University of South Alabama’s quidditch team has had great success recently and has a chance to qualify for the U.S. South Region area of the International Quidditch Association’s World Cup. The World Cup is the International Quidditch Association’s championship tournament that has been held annually since 2007. This event features the best 80 teams in the sport, and this year, the event will be held April 5-6 at the brand new North Myrtle Beach Park and Sports Complex in North Myrtle Beach, S.C. Teams across the world will compete for the chance to qualify for this prestigious tournament and represent their region. However, this year, a new component will be added to the IQA World Cup. Starting this year, players will be chosen from teams all across the world to be recruited for professional quidditch teams. These teams include the Bulgarian national team, the Chudley Cannons, the Holyhead Harpies and Puddlemere United, to name a few.

An unknown, celebrity talent

scout will fly to matches all over the world looking for the “next big thing” in quidditch.

Harry Potter, a former seeker for Hogwarts’ Gryffindor quidditch team, is rumored to be the celebrity talent scout, as he has been spotted attending games in various locations.

As our team recently hosted the March Madness tournament on campus, it comes as no surprise that one of these locations would be the University of South Alabama.

Witnesses claim to have spotted Potter flying around the quidditch pitch during the team’s second annual March Madness Tournament Saturday, March 8.

“We didn’t really know what he was doing; he was just flying around,” USA keeper Ginny Lynch said. “He was wearing his quidditch robes, too, which I thought was a bit showoffish. It’s not like he plays anymore.”

If the rumors are true and Harry Potter is indeed scouting for potential players, then which players was he interested in from the University of South Alabama quidditch team?

And which professional team will our players be drafted to?

My fingers are crossed for the Chudley Cannons.

STAFF ILLUSTRATION

South Alabam,a quidditch team poses for a team picture at March Madness tournament.

USA softball subject to new, unusual rules To even the playing field, the Jaguars will have to abide by many unconventional rules starting April 5 “R. WALLACE” Softball insider/water boy

I

n an unexpected but perhaps unsurprising development, the Sun Belt Conference has announced changes to on-field rules for all South Alabama conference softball games in 2014. In a highly unusual manner, the changes were announced at midnight Sunday, March 30, in the middle of the 2014 season, and will go into effect immediately. According to a source (who would only identify himself as “Brady”) at the conference offices in New Orleans, the new rules are designed to make it “more fair” for conference opponents of the Lady Jaguars: “Look, it just doesn’t look good for the league to have all of their teams get hammered so badly by these girls game in and game out. It’s best for all of us if we can get multiple teams into the postseason. Everyone knows South Alabama is getting in, so why not give someone else a fighting chance?”

In recognition of the dominance of USA pitcher Farish Beard, the junior will be required to make her pitches from second base,

rather than from the usual pitcher’s circle.

“You can’t hit what you can’t see, so the idea is that maybe if we back her up and give batters another second or so to maybe see the ball, they can stand a chance of getting on base every so often,” Brady said. While common sense would dictate that the Jaguars would simply rely more on their other stellar hurler, senior Hannah Campbell, Brady assured this reporter that the SBC had thought of that, too. “She’ll still be pitching from the circle, but she’s going to have to throw volleyballs instead of the usual softballs. Should give the hitters a fair chance of actually getting a bat on the ball out there.”

The new rules are not limited to tempering South’s abilities on the defensive side of the diamond. With the Jaguars currently outscoring their opponents by a total of 152-32, the conference also took steps to mitigate the thunderous Jaguar bats with some extra requirements. “Ever see that thing where someone has to put their head down on the bat and spin around before running? Well, we’re going to bring that into the game,” Brady said.

“Every time one of the girls gets a hit, they

have to spin around seven times before running to first.” First base, meanwhile, will be moved approximately 50 feet down the line to neutralize the speed of the Lady Jaguars.

Finally, the bats used by the team will undergo a slight modification in composition, and will be constructed of recycled toilet paper rolls instead of the traditional aluminum.

Anticipating the uproar the announcement of the rule changes would cause in Mobile, Ala., Brady became defensive while trying to justify his colleagues’ decision. “If anything, South should be thanking us. Did you see what they did to poor Texas-Arlington last week? Those guys wanted us to put snakes in their dugout and pitch them softballs made out of wasp nests. We thought about it, but in the end, we rejected those motions. It’s really not fair to the snakes and wasps to put them in the same vicinity as those girls and softball bats, even if they’re made out of toilet paper rolls.”

South Alabama has accepted the changes, and will adhere to the new rules starting April 5 in San Marcos, Texas, against the Texas State Lady Bobcats.

CONSTRUCTION UPDATE: SUBWAY RESTAURANT WILL NO LONGER BE COMING TO USA’S DELTA DELI. USA HAS CONTRACTED A FIGHT CLUB TO BE CONSTRUCTED UNDERNEATH THE STRUCTURE INSTEAD.

(BUT WE CAN’T TALK ABOUT IT) THE FIRST FIGHT CLUB MEETING WILL NOT BE HELD MAY 1 AT 10 P.M.

10

VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

Bruce Willis promises you won’t die hard in his new class

By JORDAN KNOX Opinion Editor

D

“ ie Hard” actor Bruce Willis recently has been in the Port City filming a new blockbuster. A sci-fi action flick, “Vice” is about a futuristic resort where the rich and powerful can live out their darkest fantasies.

The resort is run by synthetic beings whose memories are erased each night. The main character is a resort worker who experiences a glitch and somehow keeps all her memories, thus making her seek revenge. Bruce Willis plays the resort owner and must deal with the chaos that ensues.

After filming for the project,

Willis stayed in Mobile, Ala., for a small vacation and even visited the South Alabama campus. After being given a tour, he was nice enough to answer a few questions from students.

One student asked what he thought about Mobile, to which Willis replied, “I love Mobile. I’ve visited this city many times in the past, but it wasn’t until we started filming ‘Vice’ that I realized what a great place it is.”

Another student jokingly asked if Willis had plans to retire anytime soon.

“Before we started filming, I had no plans to slow down my career. Then we came down here to Alabama, and I absolutely fell in love with the South,” Willis explained. He then went on to say that after filming for “Vice” is over, he does plan on retiring and living in Mobile.

As if that wasn’t surprising enough, Director of Campus Recreation Phillip Theodore offered Willis an instructor position at South Alabama. Recently, one of the yoga teachers at the rec cen-

ter left, leaving a class of students with no instructor. Theodore offered Willis the position, and Willis accepted without hesitation.

The class is currently full for the rest of the semester, but summer and fall semester classes are available for students to register for. The class focuses on Bikram yoga, but Willis plans to take the class in a different direction.

Bikram hot yoga, Tae-Bo, Pilates and Zumba are among some of the new things Willis wants to do with the class. He plans to use his fame to bring in celebrity guests such as Jillian Michaels, Sean T, Miley Cyrus and Richard Simmons to help him teach the class. Willis said that Cyrus and Simmons have shown interest in assisting him, so he’s looking forward to a great class.

So far, students seem to be very excited about such a famous actor being an instructor at their school, and word is spreading fast that Willis is retiring from acting to become a teacher. Faculty and staff are also sharing their excitement by throwing a “Welcome to South”

party for Willis Saturday, April 5.

STAFF ILLUSTRATION

Legolas teaches four languages to rule them all

By HERMIONE GRANGER Contributing Writer

U

SA’s Department of Foreign Languages and Literature announced Friday, March 28, that they will offer new language courses.

In hopes of making students more diverse, the department announced new classes focusing on Elvish, Enochian, Gallifreyan and Klingon for the upcoming fall semester.

“We’re so excited to bring in these languages,” Dr. Gandalf the White, chair of the department, said. “We’ve had so many students request that these languages be taught because they are so beautiful. I can’t wait for students to enroll.”

The department has spent many years working on this project, and their hard work has paid off. In addition to new classes, the University has also secured some new professors to teach these classes. One of the new professors is Dr. Legolas, who is a well-known scholar of Elvish.

“I’m thrilled that I’ve been given this opportunity,” Legolas said. “Elvish is such an important part of who I am that I can’t wait to share it with the students of South Alabama.”

Legolas, a native of Middle Earth, has been published numerous times for his work on the Elvish culture. His most recent work is “The Importance of Archery in the Elvish Lands.”

In addition to Legolas, the department is bringing in a few more widely known scholars to teach these new classes. Dr. Nyota Uhura, formerly of the USS Enterprise and a master of Xenolinguistics, will teach Klingonese 101 in the fall. A mysterious professor who goes only by The Doctor will teach Gallifreyan, and Dr. Castiel will be brought in to teach Enochian.

“I can’t wait to take Enochian with Dr. Castiel,” Dean Winchester, junior angel studies major, said. “This is a course that is needed desperately at South, and the fact that someone as well known as Dr. Castiel will teach the class really gives us a new dynamic. I definitely will learn something in this class.”

“I really don’t need the credits for the classes,” Amy Pond, senior English major, said. “I’ve just heard so much about The Doctor that I really feel like I would enjoy his class. He sounds like he could be a very professional man, or he could be a raggedy man.”

Currently, each of the languages of-

fered will be only one class. However, the department hopes to expand the courses by the spring, with majoring in these languages an option for students. The department plans to unveil the course catalog for these languages before the end of this semester.

“This is the step in the right direction

for our department,” Gandalf said. “This will make students much more marketable when it comes time for them to get jobs.”

For more information on the upcoming classes, please contact the foreign languages department by phone at 1-800-NERDLIFE or by email at harrypotter4ever@ gmail.com.

STAFF ILLUSTRATION

LEAVE COMMENTS FOR SPORTS AT thevanguardonline.com/sportsfeedback

SPORTS

ALYSSA NEWTON SPORTS EDITOR akn1104@jagail.southalabama.edu

11

VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

Follow us for news, updates and play-by-play tweets: @USAVGSports Austin Karazsia @AKarazsia32 Pointguard Say NO to drugs, say YES to education

ALYSSA NEWTON | SPORTS EDITOR

Freshman running back Xavier Johnson 99 yards and added a 10-yard reception n the Red-Blue Game.

Red-Blue spring game showcases Jaguar talent 2014 South Alabama spring game shows progress of new players, growth of veterans SAMUEL BROWN Staff reporter

S

outh Alabama hosted its annual football spring game this past Saturday at Ladd-Peebles Stadium. It consisted of two 10-minute quarters, and two 12-minute quarters with running clocks. The Red team demolished the Blue team 38 to 0, which was expected because the Red team had most of the starters while the Blue team consisted of mostly back-ups.

South Alabama head coach Joey Jones was pleased with Saturday’s performance.

“I think we achieved what we wanted to today,” Jones said. “We got a bunch of people in the game, after the first half we took a lot of guys out, even after the first quarter some of the starters were out. Our

goal was to get everybody on the field and get a lot of reps to evaluate them, and I think we did that today.”

Brandon Bridge led the Red team completing 7 out of 10 passes for 110 yards and a touchdown.

Three of Bridge’s completions went for 25 yards or more, including the first touchdown of the day to Jereme Jones on a 31-yard touchdown pass less than 3 minutes into the game.

Xavier Johnson led both teams with 99 yards rushing and a touchdown.

“I thought Brandon threw the ball real well. He had a couple of touchdowns that were dropped,” Jones said. “Xavier ran the football really well. He has shown up this spring.”

Kendall Houston had 41 yards rushing on 6 attempts and a touchdown, as he absolutely demolished

defensive back Nigel Green to reach the end zone. The Red team outrushed the Blue team 241 to 3 while outgaining the Blue team 405 to 77 overall. Terrance Timmons led the team with 59 yards on four catches, while Marvin Shinn added 35 yards receiving on four passes.

Defensively, linebacker Maleki Harris led the way with seven tackles. Jaylan Daniels also had a big game, adding 5 tackles and 3 sacks.

For the Blue team, walk-on running back Berron Tyson led the way with 69 yards rushing on seven carries, while David Kelly led the Blue team with 35 yards receiving on three catches. Defensively for the Blue team, T’quan Robinson led the team with seven tackles. Raymone Wiggins had the only interception of the game, coming on the Red

team’s initial possession in the second half.

The spring game may be over, but South Alabama’s spring practice is not. The team will resume practice Monday at 7 a.m., followed by practices Wednesday and Friday of this week, concluding spring practice with a scrimmage Saturday morning. `”We want to work on some of our opponents for next year, and there are two areas we need to work on a little bit more: goal-line, shortyardage situations and no-huddle, fast-tempo stuff on offense and defense,” Jones said. “We want to get those guys working against each other at least two more practices.”

Wide receiver Shavarez Smith and running back Jay Jones were both held out of Saturday’s spring game.

Jordan Surenkamp @Surenkamp_ Basketball graduate assistant I would pay money to sit and watch myself and @ RussWillemsen play on the same team at the rec on campus. People get so frustrated with us Drew Dearman @Dewski72_ Offensive Lineman If Krispy Kreme delivered they would skrait murder the sweet treats industry Stephanie Pilkington @SJPilk09 So you’re telling me.. People spend $140 on rain boots?!

What?! They better dry my whole body.

Bud Collura @BudCollura Third baseman I would love for someone to explain cricket to me.

Chris May @CmayFive5 Offensive Lineman Finally watching Frozen for the first time!

INSIDE

Derek Westbrook @thedwestbrook25 Track and Field

USA, UTA Baseball Box Scores

Softball Sweeps ULM

Track sets new school records

These next three words could potentially change your life...

Chipotle. Is. Open.

12

South Alabama, Texas at Arlington baseball box scores Game 1 – UTA 8, USA 3

Game 2 – UTA 6, USA 2

Game 3 – UTA 6, USA 1

Courtesy of USAJAGUARS

VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

13

VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

USA softball sweeps Louisiana-Monroe at home South Alabama Jaguars sweep a Sun Belt Conference opponent for the second consecutive week SAMUEL BROWN

Staff Reporter

S

outh Alabama’s softball team hosted Louisiana-Monroe in a three-game series this past weekend. For the second straight weekend, the Lady Jags earned the sweep over a conference opponent. Last weekend, UTArlington was the prey. This weekend, it was ULM. In the first game of Saturday’s doubleheader, Hannah Campbell got the start. She went 7 shutout innings, allowing only 5 hits while striking out 5 as the Jaguars went on to get the win 2-0. Oddly enough, Samantha Hamby took the loss for Louisiana-Monroe and went 6 innings while allowing no hits. She walked 5 batters in the contest, which ended up accounting for the 2 runs. In the fourth inning, Chloe Rathburn hit a sacrifice fly, scoring Kaitlyn Griffith (who walked) from third base to take the lead 1-0. In the fifth, a Stephanie Pilkington groundout scored Emily Messer from third base to increase the lead to 2-0. This was the first time South Alabama was held hitless since March 24, 2012, against Florida Atlantic, a game the Jags also won.

In the second game of Saturday’s doubleheader, Farish Beard got the start as the Jaguars displayed a little more offense than they did in game one. Two Griffith doubles in the first and third innings accounted for game’s first 3

runs. Griffith went on to score later in the third on a fielding error on a Rathburn grounder to third. The Jaguars went on to score one more run in the third, as Taylor Rodgers was hit by a pitch with the bases loaded. Rathburn came in from third to make it a 5-0 game. In the fourth inning, Pilkington scored on a Griffith single, which was Griffith’s fourth RBI on the day. An Amanda Herron homer in the fifth inning concluded the scoring for the Jaguars as they went on to win 7-1. Beard earned the win, going 6 shutout innings while allowing only 3 hits and striking out 5.

In the series finale Sunday, Campbell got the start and pitched 6 shutout innings, allowing only 5 hits while striking out 6. Kaleigh Floore and Beard combined to pitch the seventh inning, going on to complete the shutout as the Jags beat ULM 7-0 to complete the sweep. Pilkington, Amanda Minahan and Blair Johnson all led the Jags with 2 hits apiece.

Rathburn added 3 RBIs, 2 of which came on a first inning single.

With the series sweep, the Jaguars improve to 29-3 on the season. Louisiana-Monroe falls to 15-13. The Jaguars will travel to Tuscaloosa to take on No. 5 Alabama Wednesday night in hopes of extending their winning streak to 14.

South Alabama also improves to 7-0 in conference play, marking their best conference start in school history.

COURTESY OF USAJAGUARS

No. 12 South Alabama softball sweeps an SBC opponent for the second consecutive weekend in a row.

USA track and field honored, set records Two Jags named athletes of the week, school records set during Texas Relay SAVON MORRIS Contributing Writer

S

outh Alabama’s track and field team participated in Texas Relay this past week. The event was held March 26-29 in Austin, Texas. Two members of the University of South Alabama track and field teams were honored by the Sun Belt Conference when Renaldo Frechou and Noelle Jones were named Men’s and Women’s Field Athletes of the Week, respectively, the league office announced last Wednesday.

At the Alabama Relays, Jones captured first place in the women’s heptathlon, finishing with a career-best total of 5,328 points to give the senior the top tally in the nation this season and the second-highest total in Jaguar history. In the process, Jones posted personal records in the high jump (1.76m) and shot put (13.96m), claiming first place in both, while also recording a first-place finish in the javelin (44.14m). In addition, she leapt 5.25m in the long jump to place fifth in that event.

Frechou’s honor comes on the heels of a school record-setting 62.08m hammer

throw on his third attempt Friday. The mark was good for a fourth-place finish and eclipsed his own all-time USA standard set by the freshman in his collegiate debut at the Jaguar Opener two weeks ago. Frechou currently ranks eighth in the NCAA Division I East Region in the event and 17th nationally.

Jones and Frechou join Leah Hixon, Spencer Anderson and Jan-Louw Kotze – all honored for their performances last week – on the list of USA student-athletes to earn accolades from the SBC this outdoor season.

Men’s track and field team notched three school records during day two.

Senior Connor Smith captured individual honors in the Section ‘B’ men’s pole vault with a clearance of 5.20m to best his own all-time Jaguar mark by one-tenth of a meter and pace a field of 16 individuals. That performance marked the second occasion this outdoor season that Smith has improved upon his own school record.

Garrett Schumacher topped his own USA decathlon standard when he finished with 6,991 points to claim 11th place overall. After entering the day with 3,644 points through five events, the senior set PRs in the pole

vault (4.80m), discus throw (40.51m) and 110-meter hurdles (15.94). He also finished with a 41.00m javelin throw and a time of 4:48.78 in the 1,500-meter run.

For the third time this season, freshman Frechou established a new school record in the men’s hammer throw when he posted a measure of 63.27m on his sixth and final attempt to finish fifth in the 25-man field. Senior Jeff Long finished with a top throw of 56.51m in the event on his first effort.

Bobbie Williamson posted a career-high measure in the women’s hammer throw with a 59.53m toss on her first attempt. Williamson’s mark ranks second all-time in the Jaguar record books.

In the women’s heptathlon, Hixon posted a mark of 46.43m in the javelin for a runnerup finish, leapt 5.46m in the long jump and clocked in at 2:25.20 in the 800-meter run.

All told, the senior recorded 4,994 points to finish 16th overall.

Within three days, eight Jags who made the trip to Austin broke three school records and set nine personal bests in the competition. USA will return to action April 4-5 with a trip to Auburn, Ala., for the Tiger Classic.

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14

Opinion

JORDAN KNOX OPINION EDITOR kjk1103@jagmail.southalabama.edu VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014

Hillary Clinton is not the hero this country needs

By RYAN WALLACE Contributing Writer

T

he silly cycle is nigh upon us once again. After a too-short and much-needed break from campaigning on a national scale, we’re about two and a half years away from the next presidential election.

Naturally that means that now is the time to start the jockeying between potential nominees to replace Barack Obama. Really makes you appreciate the twoweek long campus campaigning

for SGA, doesn’t it?

This week, I’m going to cover the presumptive nominee for the Democratic Party, Hillary Clinton. I say “presumptive” because it has been “Hillary’s turn” since at least 2006, when she began working toward garnering the 2008 nomination.

Just when it looked like she would become the first female president in an election where the Democrats were almost guaranteed a win after eight lackluster years of George W. Bush, Clinton was shuffled to the side. She fell victim to the unholy trinity of history, campaign machinery and gullibility that gave us Obama, and so had to bide her time.

Clinton now faces a much less certain path to the White House than she seemingly did eight years ago. If there is one lesson to be learned from the dumpster fire that has been the Obama Presidency, it is that the

letter that matters is not R or D, but B(ig) and G(overnment).

Since youths 18-29 voted overwhelmingly for the “hope and change” of Obama (66 percent in 2008, 60 percent in 2012 according to the University of Connecticut’s Roper Center), it is reasonable to assume that a Clinton in campaign mode will pander in a nauseating amount to the younger crowd, as will a smart Republican nominee.

It has long been accepted as fact that young people vote mostly for liberal candidates (the best argument for raising the voting age back to 21 I’ve ever heard).

All I can say is that I hope all the kids my age have been paying attention for the last six years.

Bush gave us the Patriot Act; Obama kept and strengthened it during his time in office. Bush was president when the housing time-bomb exploded and wrecked the economy; Obama

has spent trillions of our tax dollars wastefully handing out “stimulus packages,” mostly to favored donors and unsustainable “green” companies in the finest tradition of “Republican” crony capitalism.

Obama did nothing about domestic spying on U.S. citizens, nothing about the attack on our embassy in Benghazi (who was his Secretary of State then anyway?), nothing to rein in the lawlessness of his administration during the IRS and the “Operation Fast and Furious” scandals.

Every criticism that opponents leveled at Bush during his time in office can be turned right back and pointed at Obama in at least equal force.

The point of that foamingat-the-mouth screed is this: the nature of our massive, out-ofcontrol federal government does not change, no matter who is holding the reins of power. Gov-

ernment is not your friend, your father or your mother. The same entity our Founding Fathers created to be just large enough to guarantee the rights of its citizens has now grown so monstrously gluttonous that we are FORCED to buy inferior health insurance on shoddily-run exchanges or else.

This is what years of the same old power-first, punish-my-enemies-and-reward-my-friends leadership has bequeathed us.

I think young people are smart enough to realize what it happening to our rights. We HAVE to be, with all that massive student debt we’ve all been racking up.

I don’t know if voting Republican will be the answer in two years (I doubt it), but Clinton surely isn’t either. A vote for Hillary Clinton in 2016 is a vote for more of the same entrenched, big-government morass that bogs us down today.

Girl Scouts: innocent cover for a malicious scheme?

By COURTNEY TURNER Contributing Writer

E

very year young girls dressed in that familiar uniform with badges on their sash stand in front of stores, go door to door or ask their parents to ask around the office to sell cookies. This is to raise funds so their troop has money to do fun things, pay for their badges and keep up. The Girl Scouts were founded in 1912 by Juliette Gordon Low as a nonprofit organization. Selling cookies didn’t get started until 1917 as a way to help the individual troops.

“The annual cookie sale – the Girl Scouts’ main funding source – generates an estimated $400 million in revenue,” according to The Seattle Times. Money raised by each Girl Scout does not go to them personally and most of the money raised by the troop does not even benefit the troop.

Some of the profit gets sent to the council, who are noted to take more of the profit than the troop.

I do not see Girl Scouts being slave labor. They are there to learn how to be part of a team

and become community leaders.

“Typically, troops get 10 to 15 percent, the council takes more than half, and the manufacturer gets the rest,” according to The Seattle Times.

“People buy cookies thinking it’s for Scouts, not knowing the girls only get 40 cents a box,” Esther Mannah, who leads the Brownie troop in Harriman, N.Y., said to The Seattle Times. Sure this isn’t giving much to the girls, but they are also getting valid experience in life. They are still getting something. The phrase “slave labor” is going too far. In slave labor, they wouldn’t be getting anything at all. They would just be expected to do whatever.

They have moved on from their little booths and door to door selling to posting ads in the paper, having small parties over the cookies and finding more creative ways to market. Something a person in the modern world needs to know. Sure, they are young girls ranging in age, but the earlier you learn how to handle business procedures, the more prepared you are for the future in whatever career you choose.

It’s also been recorded that even though they need the money for their badges and activities, some of the troops do donate to charities. However, yes sometimes the troop money isn’t always used for the best interest of the girls.

The council has been seen spending troop money for funding the meals of important meetings of the council, and I’m sure that they could use that money in a better way, but that’s no reason to penalize the girls for a tradition that has been around since 1917.

It’s not like the Girl Scouts have sponsors to assist in their cause, so they need all the help they can get, even if this means budgeting and re-evaluating where some of the money goes.

The parks and campgrounds need to be kept up because you wouldn’t want your daughter, sister or niece camping in a trashy, hazardous place, would you? I hope not.

I still do not believe the Girl Scouts are akin to slave labor; they just have poor budgeting and need some revision so that troop moms and leaders aren’t having to pay out of their own pocket or

pedal harder. They should work to get some sponsors, maybe find other ways of making money other than just the cookies so that

they will possibly bring in some more money for badges, activities, and park and campground care.

JORDAN KNOX | OPINION EDITOR

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How do you feel about the way SGA campaigns? Is it too much or not enough?

KHAELA HUEY I see the candidates around campaigning a LOT... But with the number of students who actually vote typically being far less than half the population, there’s always more than can be done.

These candidates are reaching out, though, and I applaud them.

SHEREE’ COVINGTON Someone made a sign that said they hated one of the other candidates. I sure hope that whomever put that up doesn’t get elected.

DANIEL MORAN It can go both ways. They’re extremely out there from Facebook pages, Twitter accounts, and direct emails to student organization leaders.

They’re campaigning like any candidate should. But when everyone is in your face, or in this case in your notifications, it becomes overwhelming.

To post your answers to the next JagPulse, be sure to follow us on Facebook.

SHANNON HOUSE I think that they definitely have an online presence, but they could do more in-person campaigning. It seems like they’re all really focused on parking which is awesome!

Is Hollywood’s perception of beauty changing for good?

By SHANNON HOUSE Contributing Writer

T

he entertainment industry is fueled by images. We are presented with pretty, young and incredibly skinny celebrities who are always regarded as “the next big thing” and pushed in our faces as someone whom we can “really get to know.” Most of the time, however, these celebrities are cut from the same cloth. They encourage (whether intentionally or not) for readers to stay pretty and to not lose their image because when the truth slips through the cracks, people learn about the real you. Image not only refers to a celebrity’s physical appearance but their actions as well.

Do they do drugs? Are they wearing

the right trends? Many a celebrity, such as Demi Lovato who took to self-harm, has cracked under the pressure of the standards the entertainment industry has placed on them. Although Lovato is doing better than ever after a stint in rehab, other celebrities, such as the late Marilyn Monroe, have not been so lucky. However, there is a rising trend among actors to break the mold and ask Hollywood (and our society), “Why can’t I be who I am without check?” Two women in particular stick out: Lena Dunham and Jennifer Lawrence.

Dunham is more commonly known as Hannah on HBO’s “Girls” – one of its most watched shows. Nudity is not uncommon on HBO with shows like “True Blood” and “Game of Thrones” that also have scenes with nudity in them. However, because Dunham is shaped like an average American woman instead of an average Hollywood actress, there has been an uproar over her nude scenes as Hannah in “Girls.” But why all the backlash?

Are we, as Americans, so image-obsessed that we can’t respect a woman for her real, unaltered body?

People degrade “Girls” for not being

realistic in the way that Dunham’s onscreen boyfriend, played by Adam Driver, is too attractive to be with Hannah and that she shouldn’t be so comfortable being naked or less-clothed in front of her more attractive friends. Dunham has taken on this criticism boldly. She has no illusions about her body and expects nothing from the people around her. Like fellow actresses such as Cate Blanchett, who questioned a camera operator about pan-

“

Why can’t I be who I am without check?

-Shannon House

”

ning the camera up and down her body on the Oscars red carpet, Dunham poses questions for the media and our society.

Another strong advocate for rejecting the harsh standards placed on women in the media is Jennifer Lawrence. Like Dunham, she is an ever confident woman who doesn’t hold Hollywood’s “perfect” standard for beauty. When she landed the

role of Katniss in “The Hunger Games,” she became an instant role model for girls.

For that reason, she rallied for a Katniss that wasn’t especially thin despite her being from a famine-stricken district. By using her real body, she and producers alike made a character who was more believable and attainable for girls everywhere.

In interviews, she consistently mentions the uncertain future of young girls who watch and read the media that encourages them to stay within certain beauty standards, whether that be by wearing makeup, wearing the “right” clothes, or gaining or losing weight in order to be the ideal woman.

These strong women are demanding Hollywood to reconsider what has been done to other celebrities and our society as a whole. If we condemn different-sized women (big or small) who seek to break the mold by being comfortable in their own skin, what are we saying to the millions of women out there who potentially share the same physique? If women (and men) can accept who they are by rejecting what the media says is the right way to look or behave, we can be better for it.

Our shows can be run by anyone who has the talent, not the looks.

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VOL. 54, NO. 11 / MAR. 31, 2014