October is...
Domestic Violence Awareness Month
What is Domestic Violence?
It is a type of abuse. It involves injuring someone; usually a spouse or partner, but it can also be a parent, child or other family member. It is a serious problem. It is a common cause of injury. Victims may suffer physical injuries such as bruises or broken bones. They may suffer emotionally from depression, anxiety or social isolation.
How Common is Domestic Violence?
It is hard to know exactly how common domestic violence is, because people often don’t report it. There is no typical victim. It happens among people of all ages. It affects those of all levels of income and education.
How Do You Know if You Are Being Abused?
Abusers use many ways to isolate, intimidate and control their partners. It starts insidiously and may be difficult to recognize. Early on, your partner may seem attentive, generous and protective in ways that later turn out to be frightening and controlling. Initially the abuse is isolated incidents for which your partner expresses remorse and promises never to do again or rationalizes as being due to stress or caused by something you did or didn’t do.
What You Can Do if You Are Being Abused?
While you cannot stop your partner’s abuse—only he or she can do that—you can find help and support for yourself. • Talk with someone you trust: a friend or relative, a neighbor, coworker or religious or spiritual advisor. • Tell your physician, nurse, psychiatrist or therapist about the abuse • Call the police if you are in danger. • Remember, you know your situation better than anyone else. Don’t let someone talk you into doing something that isn’t right for you. If you think you may be a victim of domestic abuse, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE
You may be in an emotionally abusive relationship if your partner: • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •
Calls you names, insults you or continually criticizes you. Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive. Tries to isolate you from family or friends. Monitors where you go, who you call, and who you spend time with. Controls finances or refuses to share money. Punishes you by withholding affection. Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family, or your pets. You may be in a physically abusive relationship if your partner has ever: Damaged property when angry (thrown objects, punched walls, kicked doors, etc.). Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked, or choked you. Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place. Scared you by driving recklessly. Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you. Forced you to leave your home. Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving. Prevented you from calling the police or seeking medical attention. Hurt your children. Used physical force in sexual situations.
Victims of Domestic Abuse CFAY Family Advocacy Program addresses domestic violence and child abuse prevention, education and intervention and trains command leadership on key issues involving domestic violence and child abuse. Strict rules on confidentiality are enforced to all services provided. Assistance and treatment are offered to both victims and offenders. This program is offered by the Fleet and Family Support Center (Yokosuka, Japan), located on the fourth floor of the Community Readiness Center, building 3365. Office hours: 0800-1630 Mon, Tue, Wed, and Fri 0800-1500 Thurs DSN (315) 243-7878 If you are a victim of sexual assault, call the 24/7 SAPR Victim Advocate Emergency Line 090-8046-5783
Domestic Abuse Checklist
Am I in an Abusive Relationship?
Am I afraid to disagree with my partner? Does my partner’s temper scare me? •Does my partner cut me off from my friends and family? Is my partner very jealous? Does my partner follow and/or check up on me? Does my partner call me names or yell at me? Does my partner try to control the way I dress, and/or who I see? Do I hide things from him/her so as not to upset him/her? Am I afraid to say no to sex? Has my partner threatened to kill me or commit suicide if I leave? Does my partner throw and/or break objects in anger?
What is a Healthy Relationship?
You feel safe and comfortable with each other. You laugh and have fun. Communication is open and spontaneous. You listen to each other and feel that you are heard. You decide things together. You can express your feelings without fear of your partner’s reactions. You can talk about conflict directly, and resolve it with win-win outcomes. Feelings and needs are expressed, appreciated, and respected by both. You can be together as a couple without losing your sense of yourself. Each encourages personal growth, change and exploration. Your lives outside the relationship make your relationship stronger. Other meaningful relationships and interests exist for both partners. You can take responsibility for your own behavior and happiness. Your partner does not try to change or control you when you disagree. You can say “no” without feeling guilty about it. You can trust each other. You each work hard to be trustworthy to the other. There is a balance on giving and receiving in your relationship. Each person can enjoy being alone and requests for privacy are respected? Both people recognize that all violence is unacceptable.
The Coalition of Sailors Against Destructive Decisions