the
SHUTTLE USS Enterprise (CVN 65) - April Fool’s Day
CHANGE OF PLAN
President orders Big ‘E’ to shift mission from fighting to farming
INSIDE
Chief Cosby assigned to Enterprise - Page 2
A U.S. Government rendering of what Enterprise will probably look like after it is converted for agricultural warfare.
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April Fool’s Day
the SHUTTLE
Enterprise News
The Cosb-E Show: Actor ordered to Enterprise By USS Enterprise Public Affairs
USS ENTERPRISE, At sea - Honorary Chief Petty Officer Bill Cosby has been ordered to report to the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise (CVN 65) no later than April 13 for active duty military service, sources close to the formerly retired actor/ comedian/Sailor confirmed March 31. U.S. Navy officials stated
‘Cosby Sweaters’ will become Enterprise’s authorized uniform of the day upon Chief Cosby’s arrival.
that Cosby, age 74, was re-activated to full-time service due to a clause in his honorary chief ’s contract that states he is obligated to serve aboard a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier over the age of 45. Enterprise officials stated Cosby will be assigned to Enterprise’s Medical department as a Chief Hospital Corpsman due to his four years of previous corpsman experience with the Navy and eight years of additional medical experience gained while playing the role of Dr. Cliff Huxtable on “The Cosby Show” from 1984 to 1992. “We could not be more excited to welcome Chief Cosby into the Ward,” said CDR Kevin Brown, Senior Medical Officer aboard Enterprise. Master Chief Petty
Officer of the Navy (MCPON)(SS/SW) Rick D. West, along with Secretary of the Navy (SECNAV) Ray Mabus recognized Cosby as an honorary chief petty officer in a ceremony held at the U.S. Navy Memorial and Naval Heritage Center Feb. 17. “I was not aware that honorary chiefs had to serve in the Navy again,” said Cosby in a written statement. “I was just sitting in my home enjoying a delightful Jell-O Pudding Pop when I received word of my upcoming deployment. It is quite a surprise but I will get out there and do my best, I suppose.” Cosby’s duties aboard Enterprise will include the implementation of a shipwide Jell-O distribution system for Sailors.
Chief Cosby demonstrates what not to do with your hands and your pockets while in uniform at a Navy press conference.
Cosby was honorably discharged from the Navy for the first time in 1960 as a Hospital Corpsman 3rd Class. His awards include the Good Conduct Medal and National Defense Service Medal.
Enterprise successfully completes buoyancy test By USS Enterprise Public Affairs
USS ENTERPRISE, At sea – The aircraft carrier USS Enterprise (CVN 65) successfully completed a buoyancy test marking another milestone in the half-century-old ship’s legendary career. The ship successfully remained afloat for the past 24 hours and was even able to turn to port and starboard. The test, designed by Enterprise’s operations officer CDR Ed “Special” Galvin, establishes a baseline for future operations and potential ports of call.
“We straight up floated for 24 hours,” said Galvin, who got his call sign back in grammar school. “Engineer and I went to each part of the ship and verified that we were, in fact, above water despite the constant feeling we’re drowning. I’m happy to report via open-net hydra that we are still afloat!” Buoyancy is seen by experts as a key indicator of a ship’s ability to conduct successful operations, he said. “I’m pretty happy about it,” said Capt. Jeffrey Trent, the commander of Carrier Air Wing (CVW) One.
“My pilots are trained to land on the ship, so when it’s above water it is a lot easier for us.” Galvin added that he was eager to develop more challenging tests in the near future now that he had established a baseline. “I don’t want to predisclose any future tests or operations, but expect some standards to change,” said Galvin. “At 2:00 p.m. on Tuesday, for example, I’m going to test out my rack. It’s all part of establishing that baseline, especially with a new Executive Officer on board.” When asked about
possible port visits during Enterprise’s homeward journey, Galvin did hint that New Zealand remained a possibility. “Nothing would round out this deployment better than kangaroos and wallabies.” Galvin, a self-described ‘slave to the Green Sheet’, would not comment further on what he had planned. the
SHUTTLE USS Enterprise (CVN 65)
The Shuttle is published and printed daily underway and weekly in port by the USS Enterprise (CVN 65) Media Department, FPO AE 09543-2810. This newspaper is an authorized publication for members of the Department of Defense. Please direct all story ideas, questions and comments to MC3 Peter Melkus at melkusp@cvn65.navy.mil. Commanding Officer Capt. Dee L. Mewbourne
Executive Officer Capt. Ryan Scholl
Command Master Chief CMDCM (AW/SW) Keith G. Oxley
Public Affairs Officer Lt. Cmdr. Sarah T. Self-Kyler
Editor MC3 Peter D. Melkus
April Fool’s Day
the SHUTTLE
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Even More Enterprise News
Agricultur-E on arrival: Enterprise to fight hunger By Miscommunication Specialist 3rd Class Peter D. Melkus USS Enterprise Public Affairs
USS ENTERPRISE, At sea - President Barack Obama announced March 31 that the aircraft carrier USS Enterprise will be converted from its primary mission of launching and recovering aircraft to a new mission of growing and distributing food all over the world for the new Operation Enduring Feeding. “Fighting terrorism is so 2010,” said Obama in a nationwide address. “Our Maritime Strategy clearly states that we are rendering humanitarian support. Fighting world hunger is what’s in now, and Enterprise will lead the way in at-sea food production.” The conversion aboard Big E, which is scheduled for commencement and completion sometime later next month, will include the placement of sod fields for farming, herding and grazing on the flight deck. The ship’s hangar bay will also be transformed into a self-sustaining ecosystem-like greenhouse where fruits and veggies will be grown to help curb world hunger and flowers
OLD
Specially-trained government cattle will perform ‘SOD walkdowns’ twice daily on Enterprise’s flight deck. will be grown to mask any smells produced by the livestock. “It’s finally my time to shine,” said Farmer’s Mate 3rd class (AGW) Austin Rooney, the only Farmer’s Mate in the entire Navy. My recruiter said at-sea farming would be the next big thing, and for a while nothing happened, but now my advancement rate is 5,000 percent and I finally have a
purpose.” To make room for farming operations, Enterprise will be auctioning off the majority of its aircraft and ordnance at local flee markets around the 5th Fleet area of operations. One F/A-18 Super Hornet will remain aboard the ship for crop dusting and any other ‘just in case’ situations. “I’m so excited for this, I just can’t hide it,” said Rooney.
“Now it’s time to drop lettuce heads on foreheads.” All hands aboard Enterprise will now be required to complete qualifications for the Navy’s Agricultural Warfare Specialist pin, which will take roughly four to six weeks to earn. All Enterprise Sailors will be required to contact FM3 (AGW) Rooney, who is the only person authorized to sign-off books.
NEW
Enterprise’s current stock of tractors will undergo stateof-the-art conversions to adapt them to the new flight deck environment to be implemented for Operation Enduring Feeding.
A rendering of Enterprise’s hangar bay once it is outfitted for food of mass production.
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the SHUTTLE
Sailors of the Day
April Fool’s Day
Lieutenant Commander
Captain
Lt. Cmdr. Scott, an engineering officer assigned to Enterprise’s Beaming Things Up department, joined the Navy nine years ago to serve another country and to “beam things up.” To Scott, the most rewarding aspect of his job is when “fellow Sailors say ‘beam me up, Scotty’ and I turn on the beam and then I beam them up. It gives me a great sense of accomplishment, and there’s a lot of variety.” Scott is working hard to make Commander and aspires to one day save up and buy his own beam to beam himself up. During his spare time, Scott enjoys working out, reading, watching movies, listening to music and beaming things up.
Capt. Kirk, a plane captain and Priceline negotiator TAD to Enterprise’s Space Exploration department, joined the Navy 30 years ago to see the universe and earn money for grad school. To Kirk, the most rewarding aspect of his job is the good feeling he gets whenever he helps a shipmate find the perfect deal on a hotel room. Kirk aspires to explore Pluto one day to prove it is, in fact, a planet. Kirk enjoys making music videos of himself covering Elton John’s “Rocketman” during his free time.
Montgomery Scott - Linlithgow, Scotland
James T. Kirk - Riverside, Iowa
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