Come As We Are (not as they want us)

Come As We Are (not as they want us)

Paris Tankard

Many generations of queer people of colour have been consistently overlooked, leading to a deeper feeling of oppression and discrimination, not just from the wider society but from those within our own community. With Racism, Xenophobia and Colourism rampant within the LGBTQ+ community there have been many people who are still feeling othered from the community that should be banding together. Come As We Are (not as they want us) is the amalgamation of shared experiences amongst those who feel that they are being side-lined within a community already at odds with broader society. It explores the joy of queer life as well as the struggles around ethnicity, religion and identity too often pre-determined by views set in motion through the media. The work is designed to subvert the stereotypical newspaper print and screen depiction with their insistence on one dimensional views of diverse peoples. Come As We Are (not as they want us) is exactly that: our representations of ourselves and announces, quite simply, our arrival.

Alia

21 • She/Her • Pakistan

© Paris Tankard 2022

Telling my family I was trans was one of the hardest things of my life. I tried coming out at 12 and just got shut down, my mum told me that the devil was in me and that everyone would hate me, scaring me with AIDS and that I would never see the end of it. That made me want to pray away my femininity and all these feelings of becoming a woman. I honestly tried to do it. I ended up self-harming for years. When I was 16, my father found me with hair extensions and went crazy. He hit me. I ended up going to school with bruises across my body. I got taken into care after school and kept getting moved around—after that my whole family disowned me, even the ones in Pakistan. For them it was religion, it was wrong. Even here in Cardiff, I feel like people are diverse, but they look down on people in the LGBT community and like we’re going to die in hell. All my friends broke off from me, I was shunned away from the mosques.

They see being trans as something to be scared of and telling men has always been hard. If I go out with someone without telling them men would get

angry, there’s been times where I’ve been locked in hotel rooms. I’ve been intimate with men and they’ve gotten pissed and end up raping me anyway. I’ve had knives pulled on me, I’ve been left in the middle of nowhere. I’m not forcing [my identity] down anyone’s throats but have respect for me. I haven’t dated anyone for a year. Whenever I’ve walked into rooms with men I’ve felt like they’re examining every attribute of my body, there’s immense pressure on me.

Being a part of the Ballroom scene has made me shift my ideas and instincts, being around other queer people has made me feel like I never have to worry about how deep my voice is or how broad my shoulders are. Everyone’s just there to get their jush. I’ve loosened my standards within myself because most women don’t even do that for themselves. I’ve always felt like I’ve had to have a set of nails on for example, where most women wouldn’t care. I started seeing myself as two-spirited; before colonisation people saw women like me as very different, there was no gender binary and I want to bring that back.

© Paris Tankard 2022

Marz

18 • They/She • United States

© Paris Tankard 2022

I’m Non-Binary but honestly, I’m an ethereal being. The reason I use They/She pronouns though is because I have the physical body of a woman and I have lived that experience but I feel like I’m more than just that, that’s where the They comes from. We’re just energy souls that have come to live the human experience.

I never had any problems with my friends, I’ve always surrounded myself with queer people so it’s been super easy. Family on the other hand, generally accepted me, however… old minds don’t understand, it’s hard for them to comprehend. When I told my mum she sat there and cried saying “I’m crying over the death of my daughter”. Like girl, please? You’re doing the most? I had to learn to accept myself and that being enough and being in my own power was enough, that just brought this learned confidence of ‘I am who I am’ and that’s it. In my community I feel like being Non-Binary was never really an option, like I’m originally from Texas and all my family over there have extremely outdated views, like just to be gay was kind of a big thing. It was never an

option which gave me a feeling of imposter syndrome because I felt like it could never be me. It was never nurtured in my family. I had a struggle opening up to my mother about all of this because in my head she was always so open-minded but then to see her have all these limited views was quite eye-opening.

Growing up in the UK I feel like it was a positive for me, because this is where I met all my Queer brothers and sisters, it nurtured that side of me definitely. I would have had a very confusing time growing up in Houston, I feel like it would have been worse. Being who I am is not a thing there. I’m happy I grew up here. I feel accepted in myself. There is so much self-doubt when it comes to gender identity, but I feel accepted by myself and that’s a huge start and I feel the same with my community that I’m building around myself. I’m definitely still learning. This is all such a process, but I’m feeling stronger. It’s all about self-love and self-appreciation, and acknowledgement is huge, it’s hugely important for me and for my journey.