Model Minority Myth and how Asian and Asian American Communities have perpetuated perfectionism

BY KEVIN VU

Iremember talking to a friend and discussing the model minority myth. He’s the type of guy who believes in meritocracy and claims capitalism is the system that will last forever. And unsurprisingly, he tells me, “What’s so bad about the model minority myth? Isn’t it good that you guys [Asian Americans] are being perceived as smart and hardworking?”

It’s this narrative and stereotype we see and hear often in television media and even social media about how Asians are geniuses who go onto having successful careers like doctors or engineers because they stuck to the rules and worked hard to get to where they are. Cringey posts from Facebook groups like Subtle Asian Traits about tiger parents being so strict on us for getting a B in math or how we can’t stay out late because we should study.

God, I hate these posts.

But to be fair, it’s partially true. According to a Census Bureau 2021 report, Asians had the highest median household income out of any race in America with an average of $101,418, higher than White Americans who had a median income of $74,262.

Then why am I complaining about this? Isn’t it great that us Asian Americans are so successful in America? Look at us; we are achieving the American dream our parents drill into our heads.

But that’s not really the case. We must look beyond our successes, our boba liberal lenses, and face the hard truth of the model minority myth. The model minority myth is what happens when we disregard other races/ethnicities and wealth disparity, only focusing on the successes displayed in a monolithic view.

This sentiment that Asians are the highest earned community does not hold true for all ethnicities, as Asian Americans are the racial group with the largest wealth gap. According to a 2018 report by the Pew Research Center, Asians in the top 10% income distribution earned 10.7 times as much as Asians in the bottom 10%. What we don’t see amongst the many affluent Asian households are the 1.7 million undocumented working-class Asian immigrants, the fact that Asians are the poorest immigrant group in New York, the place where the titular couple in Crazy Rich Asians resides.

As I was researching for this piece, I saw countless threads asking why there aren’t many homeless Asians in western societies. Bullshit. I go to my local Asian district in Houston and see tens of Asian homeless people on the streets, sleeping in abandoned buildings and begging for money. This seems like a far outcry from the stereotypical affluent Asian Americans that a lot of people think of today.

Asian Americans are not a monolith. There are over 50 ethnicities with different cultures and backgrounds in the United States. By grouping us all together, we cave into the stereotypes that all Asians are smart and hardworking, denying access to Asian American populations that need social welfare and other assistance opportunities. We are more than just “smart, hardworking, keeping our noses to the books” people. We are people with a long, traumatizing history filled with beautiful languages, amazing foods, and people that have more to offer than just schools and good grades.

Asian Parents And Perfectionism

Then why is it that we are told by our parents to study hard, do well on our tests, and never slack off? Why does my dad yell at me for getting a math question wrong? Or why did my aunt want me to be in the gifted and talented program so bad?There must be a reason why our parents are so harsh on us to achieve in our academics and extracurriculars.

My parents and many other Asian immigrants fled to the United States for the American dream not only for themselves, but for their children as well. My mother works as a hair salonist and my dad works odd-jobs, both getting paid less than they deserve, but still sacrificing their time and bodies to provide for my brother and I the education and opportunities that we are afforded.

I love my parents for that, but at the same time I cannot look away from the fact that the sacrifices they made are pressuring. And that’s something I wince at as I type this out. But it’s the truth.

Our parents often tell us as children that we must succeed, because if we fail, then they have failed as a parent.

We can blame things such as meritocracy, capitalism, and the so-called “American dream” as it places this emphasis on monetary wealth and social standing, creating an unrealistic expectation that our hard-work and talent will lead to our successes. And knowing the sacrifice they put on, I and many others want to achieve and do well in order to show to our parents that their time and effort wasn’t for nothing, to prove to them that we can make it. It’s a burden for both the parent and the child.

Although it’s fine to care about your child’s education and future, I think parents must remember that your children are just children. They are not your doll that you control for the means of bragging points. They are human as well. Humans that are still developing physically, mentally, and emotionally. Don’t scream or yell at them for getting a bad grade or slacking off. Spend time with your children and guide them towards the path they see fit. Eighteen years will go by fast.

HOW CAN WE ESCAPE THE PERFECTIONIST MINDSET?

I remember talking to a friend about perfectionism and she told me that she grew up with the perfectionism mindset of prioritizing her grades over herself, and that it’s too late for her to stop being a perfectionist. As I leave the PCL at 10 pm and walk past the hundreds of other students who plan on staying there and studying until 2 or 3 am, maybe even an all-nighter, I wonder why we sacrifice our bodies and our minds for a good grade on a test. Why do we find it temporarily fulfilling to see a high number on our transcript?

I’m not here to discourage you. But I want to leave this message to those who find themselves crippled with unfair expectations from your parents, peers, and society. Take it slow. spiring for perfection is not a bad trait. What’s harmful is this feeling that you must always be perfect. You have only one life, and it’s okay to slow down. You are not a perfectionist. You are someone who has been pressured by your parents, school, and society into believing that you should never fail and that hard work is the only way through life. More than less, it’s where you are born and the conditions around you that usually leads to your success. Good grades? Economic status? Yeah, they are good, but they say nothing about you as a person. You are more than a transcript. You are more than the items and objects that we place an imagined value on. Perfectionism places an unfair expectation on all of us, and you shouldn’t be held down by it.

I think it’s important to normalize failure. We grow and learn by failing because that’s human nature. Your failures do not mean you’re less talented or dumber than others. Life can be cruel and play awful tricks on us even though we don’t deserve it. But you’re not alone. Life is a collective effort we all go through. Everyone is going through life one step at a time, and it’s up to you on where you take those steps and who you take them with. Encourage one another through times of failure and disappointments. Accept your imperfections and realize that there’s no such thing as a perfect life, it’s what you make it out to be.