MARCH 2012
The Art of Solace:
15
Tips for Truly Connecting with a Chronically Ill Person
Spring Steps for Successful Gardening Marriage: A Powerful Heart Drug in Short Supply The Dow Closes at 13000. What Does That Mean for Your Finances?
TABLE OF CONTENTS
10 COVER STORY
The Art of Solace | 15 Ways for Truly Connecting with a Chronically Ill Person | Few of us know how to act around a very sick person. And yet, what we say (and don’t say) makes a huge impact. Solace, a new book from Walter St. John, provides a very specific set of practical skills for caregivers, family members, and anyone else who wants to make a meaningful difference in a very difficult time.
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HOME | LIFESTYLE Spring Steps for Successful Gardening | The first step to a success
gardening season comes with the preparation needed to get your garden ready. How many of us have enthusiastically jumped full swing into the garden scene in mid May, only to be abandoning our efforts by early July with the vow to do it differently next season? Then interestingly we find ourselves in the same situation the following year, wondering how did that happen to me again!
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HEALTH | FITNESS 06 | Marriage: a Powerful Heart Drug in Short Supply | You eat your oatmeal every morning. You schedule your doctor’s appointment and get your cholesterol tested. But when you get those numbers back, do you really know what they mean? 08 | Remember When | A look back at the Monkees 09 | Getting Your Irish On | Things to do in Salt Lake City on St. Patrick’s Day 09 | Bulbs to Bloom in Red Butte Garden | 324,000 bulbs bloom simultaneously
14 DOLLARS|SENSE The Dow Closes at 13000 | The last time the Dow
reached this level, the unemployment rate was 5.4 percent and the national debt was still below $10 trillion.
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Editorial
Publisher.....................Utah Boomers Magazine, LLC
Hello Fellow Boomers,
Managing Editor..........................................Teresa Glenn
I know I am not the only one who laments the shortness of
Contributing Writers........................Susan Anderson
Walter St. John
Sean P. Lee
time when compared to my to-do list. Carl Sandburg said “Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend
Photography.......................................................Mark Crim
it for you.” Yet, many in our generation spend so much of this precious coin on others, at times we feel positively bankrupt. We have jobs, spouses,
Advertising Sales info@utboomer.com media kit www.utahboomersmagazine.com Webmaster Claye Stokes, New Shoe Media
parents, friends, children and grandchildren, all vying for what time we have. How many of us have a “someday” dream? It could be something simple like “someday I want to spend an afternoon doing nothing but reading while curled up on the couch” or more lofty like “someday I want to cruise the Mediterranean.” My challenge to you is to set aside some of the coins of your life and spend them on you...on your someday dreams. You will be a better person for all those others who make demands on your life. Until next month, Teresa
Utah Boomers Magazine is published monthly for the baby boomer population of Utah. The information contained in this publication my be contributed by independent writers and does not necessarily reflect the views of Utah Boomers Magazine management. Copying or electronic distribution of any content within this publication is strictly prohibited without the written permission of Utah Boomers Magazine and the author. For reprint permission, editorial or submissions or comments, email teresa.glenn@ utboomer.com.Questions and suggestions: info@ utboomer.com
Archives March 2011 Born to be Wild Boomerang Children | You’re Going to Put that Where? | Urinary Incontinence Planning for Your Special Needs Child | More...
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Spring Steps for Successful T
Gardening
he first step to a success gardening season comes with the preparation needed to get your garden ready. How many of us have enthusiastically jumped full swing into the garden scene in mid May, only to be abandoning our efforts by early July with the vow to do it differently next season? Then interestingly we find ourselves in the same situation the following year, wondering how did that happen to me again! Well why not keep that promise to yourself and start this year off with some organization and planning? Use the checklist guide below to get yourself moving in the right direction. Oh, and by the way....Happy Gardening! VERY EARLY SPRING Dream Up Your Vision for This Year’s Garden 1. Get out the pad, pencil and sketch book. Start to record your thoughts, drawings, doodles, pictures, and ideas. This step is vital. It becomes the magic that enables you to move your ideas out of the mental state and into physical form. 2. What do you want in your outdoor garden space? Ask yourself will it be flowers, veggies, herbs, furniture, decorations or a combination of all? 3. What will be its purpose? Determine what it is you want from your garden experience...Here are some questions to ask: Is my garden’s purpose: To grow food? Grow flowers? To be a place of sanctuary? To be your stress reduction therapy? Or maybe your free exercise membership program? Foster a deeper
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connection with nature? Once you know the answer, it helps you to better formulate your plans. 4. What do you imagine your garden will look like? Look through books, magazines, the internet. Start to create in your mind what you see as manifesting in this season’s garden. Record that information in some way that is useable for you. As you plan, you can incorporate these images into your design. 5. Organize your resources. What will you need to get this vision out of your idea book and into 3D form? Start researching suppliers for materials. Order/ purchase what you will need to have on hand at a later date. Check out local gardening groups that may be helpful. Checkout online garden forums. There are many free easy resources available to us that are just moments away from discovery. Take full advantage. EARLY SPRING 1. Cleanup: Go through your space where you will be gardening and start to clean up old debris from a previous season. I’m sure you don’t like to eat off of dirty plates, so too, don’t start your gardening season in a debris filled area. 2. Pruning: Prune any fruit trees if you didn’t do so in the winter, this needs to be done before they blossom. Prune any low hanging branches from trees that may be a safety hazard. 3. Start indoor seeds: Now is the time to get some of those early seeds planted indoors. Not sure which seeds to start indoors? Do an online search for a quick answer. 4. Prepare your equipment: Be sure to check the lawnmower, trimmers, the tiller, the tools, etc to make
sure anything you plan to use is in good working order. Nothing is more aggravating than taking out a piece of equipment to use, only to find out plans are delayed because you delayed planning. 5. Sharpen tools: Your hand tools work best when they are cleaned and sharpened. You can thank yourself later on when you notice you are able to work more efficiently, effectively and productively, because you took the time to prepare. 6. Clean out the shed if you have one: When you open the door to your garden shed, can you walk in? If not, now is the time to clear out the old, clean up and reorganize. It is amazing how much money you can save by finding something in the shed you have forgotten you had and therefore don’t need to go out and purchase. This is also the time to cleanup any pots that will be used later. You might get creative and paint some of the old pots to give them a nice facelift. Still harboring old chemicals from the days before you knew any better? Time to organize them and figure out where and how to properly dispose of them. Will you be needing any trellis’ or garden growing walls or supports? Shift through your things, you may find a treasure trove of items that can be used to assemble or make some attractive supports for the garden. I once used an old metal, over the door, shoe rack as a trellis for morning glories. It is a thrill to me to use something unusual in the garden to solve a problem from a wacky perspective. MID SPRING 1. Spring planting: The hardy veggies can be planted at this....see a list of what can be planted in your area. Where I live, it is a good time to put in the potatoes, onions, peas, broccoli, lettuce, collards, and mustard greens to name a few 2. Separate you plants: Now is the time to separate those perennials that are growing too big and would benefit from being separated. Plant them elsewhere or give them away to other gardening friends. 3. Build your beds: Putting in raised bed? Digging new flower gardens? Adding an herb area? Now is the time to get these beds ready and then start to amend your soil. 4. Prepare older beds: For those beds that have already
seen prior action, take the time now to get them amended as well. The more you do in preparation of the soil, the healthier your plants will be. 5. Mulching: Mulching now saves on weeding later. Nothing takes the fun out of gardening faster than seeing your beds overrun with armies of weeds. Don’t let yourself get to that place of total frustration where you feel you can never get control. 6. Work your compost: Has your compost pile been laying dormant during the winter. Now that spring has arrived you can begin to work that compost pile back into full production. Composting is a science in itself. Check out other online resources that will help you in this area. Again, healthy soil leads to happy, healthy plants. Composting is part of that formula. LATE SPRING 1. Shrub Pruning: For most flowering spring shrubs, wait until after they have bloomed to prune them. 2. Plant: After the danger of the last frost in your region, plant your annuals in the garden. I know we get itchy and want to get those beautiful plants into the ground, but if you do so too soon, their beauty quickly fades as death grabs a strangle hold upon them. Patience is one of the lessons the garden tries to teach us. 3. Take pictures: Keep a photographic record of what you are creating. It is fun to go back and see what has transpired over time. A pictorial journal is also a good way to keep a year to year record. Save some time next season by remembering what worked and what didn’t during this current season when you look back over your garden photos. 4. Enjoy Mother Nature: Regardless of the season, take some time to enjoy the beauty of the current season. Sit up, take notice and breathe in the joyful treasures we are gifted with when we connect with our Earth Mother. So as we started, so too we end, Happy Gardening! Susan A. Anderson, Sellersville, PA, is the owner of Seeds for Change Wellness, a grassroots program focusing on providing educational information, programs and holistic health services. As a Reiki teacher and practitioner, Susan offers classes monthly and sees clients regularly. Visit her comprehensive website http://www. seedsforchangewellness.com for the latest information on health, wellness, spirituality, and environmental issues. Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Susan_A._Anderson
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Marriag e: A Powerful Married adults who undergo heart surgery are more than three times as likely as single people who have the same surgery to survive the next three months, a new study finds.
“That’s a dramatic difference in survival rates for single people, during the most critical post-operative recovery period,” says Ellen Idler, a sociologist at Emory University and lead author of the study, which appears in the March issue of the Journal of Health and Social Behavior. “We found that marriage boosted survival whether the patient was a man or a woman.” While the most striking difference in outcomes occurred during the first three months, the study showed that the strong protective effect of marriage continues for up to five years following coronary artery bypass surgery. Overall, the hazard of mortality is nearly twice as great for unmarried as it is for married patients about to undergo the surgery. “The findings underscore the important role of spouses as caregivers during health crises,” Idler says. “And husbands were apparently just as good at caregiving as wives.” Tying the knot has been associated with longer life since 1858, when William Farr observed that marriage
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:Heart Drug in Short Supply protected against early mortality in France. The evidence keeps accumulating that the widowed, never married, and divorced have higher risks of mortality. Much of the research, however, has looked broadly across populations during an entire lifespan, or relies only on medical records.
Patients who survived more than three months were approximately 70 percent more likely to die during the next five years if they were single. An analysis of the data showed that smoking history accounted for the lower survival rates in the single patients over this longer term.
“We wanted to zero in on a particular window of time: a major health crisis,” Idler says, “and we wanted to add the in-person element of patient interviews, in addition to the full record of their medical history and hospitalization.”
“The lower likelihood that married persons were smokers suggests that spousal control over smoking behavior produces long-term health benefits,” Idler says.
The major study involved more than 500 patients undergoing either emergency or elective coronary bypass surgery. All of the study subjects were interviewed prior to surgery. Data on survival status of the patients were obtained from the National Death Index. While the data are inconclusive for what caused the striking difference in the three-month survival rate, the interviews provided some possible clues. “The married patients had a more positive outlook going into the surgery, compared with the single patients,” Idler says. “When asked whether they would be able to manage the pain and discomfort, or their worries about the surgery, those who had spouses were more likely to say, yes.”
When it comes to healing hearts, marriage may be powerful medicine, but it’s in increasingly short supply, Idler says, which does not bode well for aging baby boomers. Barely half of U.S. adults are currently married, the lowest percentage ever, according to the Pew Research Center. The study, which Idler coauthored with Rutgers University’s David Boulifard and Richard Contrada, was funded by the National Institute on Aging. The American Sociological Association and the Journal of Health and Social Behavior The American Sociological Association (www.asanet.org), founded in 1905, is a non-profit membership association dedicated to serving sociologists in their work, advancing sociology as a science and profession, and promoting the contributions to and use of sociology by society. The Journal of Health and Social Behavior is a quarterly, peer-reviewed journal of the ASA. For the latest science news at Emory University and beyond, visit eScienceCommons (http://esciencecommons.blogspot.com/).
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Remember When.. In 1966 we gathered around the TV on Saturday mornings to watch The Monkees? Like most prepubescent girls, my best friend, Patty loved Davy Jones. I was enamored with Mickey Dolenz. Every week we would go whichever house that had a TV not commandeered by an adult and sit all aflutter for one half hour while The Monkees Davy Jones, Michael Nesmith, from lower left, Micky Dolenz, and Peter Tork made us laugh with their hijinks and swoon to Day Dream Believer. As we grew older and more sophisticated, we realized The Monkees were a creation of TV land to cash in on the popularity of the Beatles. Rumors abounded that The Monkees couldn’t even play instruments. They proved their musical prowess, though, when they began touring. Salt Lake boomers showed up in droves when The Monkees gave a free concert at the Valley Music Hall in May of 1968, and listened to hits like You Just May Be The One/Sunny Girlfriend/I Wanna Be Free/You Told Me/Cuddly Toy/Circle Sky/The Girl I Knew Somewhere. The Monkees also performed a song meant for the movie “Head”, but was later recorded in the studio. It was this movie and album that was the beginning of the end of the Monkees. Although The Monkees were a commercial success, with songs topping the charts, Michael Nesmith was growing dispirited by the lack of respect for the band’s music and started distancing himself from the group. The others tried to keep it together, but it was never the same. Still, we have our memories of those Saturday mornings when we sat “to close” to the TV and watch those pop icons entertain us with their antics. It was a sad day when on March 29, when Davy Jones the once young boy whose posters plastered our bedroom walls, died suddenly of a massive heart attack. Thanks for the memories, Davy.
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Get Your Irish On 2012 Salt Lake City St. Patrick’s Day Parade The annual Salt Lake City St. Patrick’s Day parade, sponsored by the Hibernian Society of Utah, makes its way through the middle of the Gateway Saturday, March 17, beginning at 10 a.m. After the parade there will be a siasma, or party, in the Gateway Grand Hall with plenty of fun and beverages.
Celtic Celebration at Peery’s Egyptian Theater Experience the authentic textures of Ireland and Scotland at Peery’s Egyptian Theater’s annual Celtic Celebration, 2415 Washington Blvd. in Ogden. Saturday, March 17, 7:30 p.m. Tickets $12, $10 for students and seniors. Visit the website or call 801689-8700.
St. Patrick’s Day at The Depot Featuring Swagger This St. Patty’s Day treat yourself to some local Irish rock music when Swagger performs live at The Depot on Saturday, Mar. 17 at 6 p.m. with special guests Slaymaker Hill, Wailing O’Sheas and the Heathen Highlander Pipe Band. 400 S. West Temple, tickets $15. Must be 21 to attend.
Salt Lake Irish Pubs If you like to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by having a Guinness or two with friends, try one of these Salt Lake area Irish themed pubs: Piper Down, an Olde World Pub Murphy’s Bar and Grill, 160 S. Main St. Green Street, 602 E. 500 S. Leprechaun Inn, 4700 S. 900 E.
Bulbs to Bloom at Red Butte Garden Every spring Red Butte Garden bursts with vibrant colors when 324,000 bulbs bloom simultaneously. This past fall 97,000 bulbs were planted to add to the spring display, bringing the total bulb count to 324,000. This beautiful display can be seen April 12th through April 24th as the garden washes away the winter gray and replaces it with extravagant displays of yellows, pinks, and purples. There are few events in nature more spectacular than springtime blooms and no place better to witness this miraculous event than Red Butte Garden. Nearly 180,000 spring bulbs are daffodils, making them the star of the show, coloring the hillside in yellow, peach, orange and white. Other bloomers include the Allium, Fritillaria, Snowdrop, Hyacinth and Grape Hyacinth, Star Flower, Dutch and Dwarf Iris. Other notable blossoms include Magnolia, Serviceberry, Flowering Cherry and Flowering Pear, Viburnum, Crabapple, and Lilac. In March you will see Lenten Rose, Pasque flower, and Primrose. In May you’ll find Daphne and Peony plus Wisteria. Picnics are welcome so take the whole family, a blanket and food to enjoy a beautiful day among the sights and fragrances of spring in the garden.
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15
The Art of Solace:
Tips for Truly Connecting with a Chronically Ill Person
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Few of us know how to act around a very sick person. And yet, what we say (and don’t say) makes a huge impact. Solace, a new book from Walter St. John, provides a very specific set of practical skills for caregivers, family members, and anyone else who wants to make a meaningful difference in a very difficult time.
Being around a severely ill person—especially one who is facing a long-term recovery or who must live with a chronic condition—is not easy. It makes most of us deeply uncomfortable, even if we’ve known (and loved) the person for years. We struggle to say “the right thing.” We want to cheer the person up, but pasting on a smile feels fake and pointless. In light of his or her emotional and physical suffering, it may be tough to keep our own tears at bay. And frankly, the patient’s plight reminds us of our own mortality, too, which is most troubling of all. Yes, for most people, the sickbed is uncharted territory. Unless you work in healthcare, you’ve probably spent little time around chronically ill people. But eventually, someone you love will be lying in that bed—and when that happens, Walter St. John, Ed.D., says knowing how to communicate with him or her will make all the difference. “When someone you love becomes ill, you probably won’t instinctively know how to handle it,” says St. John, author of the new book Solace: How Caregivers and Others Can Relate, Listen, and Respond Effectively to a Chronically Ill Person. “Providing solace doesn’t come naturally to most of us. As a result, we either act in a way that makes us feel better, or we withdraw. Neither meets the needs of the patient. “The good news is, you can learn how to relate to chronically ill people,” he adds. “You can learn to listen to the patient’s cues and respond appropriately. You can learn what to say and what not to say. You can create a relationship that brings comfort and peace of mind.” St. John’s book is written for laymen and professional
caregivers alike. Solace is divided into fifty-eight brief chapters, each of which identifies an area that can cause tension, awkwardness, discomfort, or unpleasantness between sick individuals and those who are caring for them and instructs readers on how to treat it. Drawing on over twenty years of experience as a professor of interpersonal communications, the author provides actionable tips and tactics on what words and actions will (and won’t) help the relationship. What’s more, Solace guides caregivers and family members through a difficult time when life-changing issues arise and tough decisions must be made. “Caring for a sick person is, intrinsically, a very stressful experience that can be mentally and physically exhausting,” explains St. John. “Knowing how to interact with and respond to such a patient in a way that fosters mutual understanding and trust can truly be a game changer for both of you.”
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If you would like to feel more comfortable and confident around your ill loved one, read on for fifteen of St. John’s communication suggestions: Don’t try to be a preacher, doctor, or therapist. Just be you. In many ways patients are different from the healthy individuals they once were. But they can still tell when you’re being phony, masking your feelings, or playing a role (especially if they know you well). It’s natural to feel uncomfortable around chronically ill people—at least initially—but the best course of action is to simply be you. If your loved one detects that you’re putting up any sort continued
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of façade, he’ll begin to wonder what your true purpose is; for example, whether you might be hiding something important from him. “When you’re around someone who’s ill, you’ll do the most good if you focus on being genuine and real,” confirms St. John. “For example, don’t feel that you have to put on a constant show of cheerfulness if you’re normally a blunt straight-shooter. And don’t feel that you need to suddenly ‘have all the answers.’ Without being insensitive, let your natural mannerisms, feelings, quirks, and words shine through. This is the best way to maintain trust and a relaxed atmosphere.”
want to offer misinformation that might do more harm than good. “The patient will probably ask things like, ‘How much longer do I need to take this medication?’ for example,” shares St. John. “Don’t feel pressured to say something you don’t want to. Honest yet noncommittal answers to this and other queries might include: ‘I’m not the right person to answer that, but I’ll help you find out.’ ‘Wow, that’s the $64,000 question, isn’t it?’ ‘I need a little time to digest this.’ Just don’t ignore the person entirely unless you have good reason, such as being verbally abused.”
4 2 Don’t squelch uncomfortable conversations. Your chronically ill loved one will probably still want to talk about things like her favorite TV show, her children, and the news you tell her about your own life. But due to her condition, she will also bring up more weighty topics that might make you uncomfortable, such as her fears, the pain she is in, and her worries about the future. Even if you’d rather not touch a particular conversation with a ten-foot pole, try not to respond with, for example: Can’t you ever talk about anything pleasant? Don’t you get tired of complaining about the same stuff all the time? Do we have to talk about your condition so much?
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Don’t hesitate to call in spiritual reinforcement when it’s needed. Some questions that your loved one might ask are so deeply personal—and so plain overwhelming—that you don’t feel qualified to deal with them. Questions that center on spiritual concerns, St. John says, almost always fall into this category. When someone asks, for instance, “What happens after death?” or, “Will I go to Heaven?” trying to answer him can do more harm than good.
“Remember, the patient deserves to talk—even if you don’t want to hear or process what she has to say,” notes St. John. “In fact, by squelching her concerns, you are sending the message that she doesn’t matter, and you reinforce feelings of isolation and resentment. The best course of action is to listen as objectively as possible, with an open mind and encouraging attitude.”
“If you attempt to help with these complex issues when you don’t possess the knowledge or skills to do so helpfully, you’ll do more harm than good regardless of how well intentioned you are,” he explains. “You don’t want to inadvertently increase your loved one’s confusion or anxiety. When spiritual needs and questions arise, don’t be afraid to admit that you aren’t qualified to handle them. In this instance, please call in a rabbi, priest, or other spiritual leader. And know that no matter how little spiritual training you may have, you can always be a confidant and source of support.”
Know how to say, “I don’t know.” Whether the topic is medical, spiritual, or personal in nature, the patient will sometimes ask questions to which you don’t have answers. When this happens, it’s important to avoid giving a definite answer without seeming evasive, lest you jeopardize your credibility with the person. After all, you don’t want your loved one to think that you don’t care or that you’re hiding something, and you definitely don’t
Understand that sometimes silence really is golden. Many people find extended silences to be uncomfortable. It’s common to break them with idle chatter or statements like, “A penny for your thoughts!” Realize, though, that at times being quiet is most helpful and meaningful. There’s no need to break a comfortable silence—your loved one might feel tired, weak, or contemplative and not want to chat. Your mere presence
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and availability can often be all she needs. “Just sitting silently, perhaps with an arm around the patient, can communicate compassion that is beyond words,” confirms St. John. “However, be alert for unnatural silence that is characterized by tension and anxiety, as it can alert you to the fact that the patient is worried, angry, or uncomfortable. And don’t use silence as a weapon—giving the cold shoulder to a seriously ill person will not help anyone.”
situation could be as simple as the patient asking to eat an off-limits food ‘just this once,’ or as complex as your family asking you to move in with Mom full-time to care for her. Regardless, saying no requires courage and conviction, and does not mean that you are weak or selfish. Just be sure to deliver your response with love. Explain your reasons and re-affirm how much you care for the patient.”
8 6 7 9 Let the patient cry. When most of us see someone crying, we tend to whip out a tissue and murmur something along the lines of, “It’s okay. Don’t cry,” because we’re uncomfortable with weeping. From now on, continue to pass the tissue when your ill loved one starts to tear up, but don’t pressure her to stop sobbing. Tears are a natural emotional release for emotions ranging from anger to sadness to fear, and they can be very therapeutic.
“The best thing you can do for someone who is crying is to simply be present and listen if the person wants to speak,” St. John advises. “It may go against your nature, but refrain from interrupting with supportive statements—you can make those after the crying spell is over. At this point, your presence is the crucial thing. Don’t be embarrassed to show emotion yourself, either; crying can also be beneficial for you. And after the tears are dried, encourage your loved one to talk about her feelings (unless, of course, she doesn’t want to).” Realize that it’s okay to say “no.” If you’re around someone who’s ill, demands will be made of you. That’s normal. Especially if you’re a caregiver, you’re agreeing to do things the sick person can’t handle himself. It’s crucial to understand, though, that you can’t say yes to everything. While you may be the “healthy one,” you still have physical and mental limits. And when you try to be everything to everyone, you’ll end up stretching yourself too thin, and perhaps even harming yourself or the patient. “It is much better to respond with a responsible no as opposed to an irresponsible yes,” says St. John. “The
Think before you speak. (Choose words carefully.) Words are very powerful. An off-hand comment that you make and never consider again can impact another person’s mood or sense of self-worth for hours, days, or longer. That’s why it’s very important to do your best to say exactly what you mean when you are talking with your ill loved one. Especially when conveying something important, put a little prior thought into choosing your words so that you don’t spark unnecessary tension, anxiety, or anger. “As a caregiver, or even a visitor, your goal should be to choose words that are as clear and unambiguous as possible,” shares St. John. “Remember that what you say can help heal, or it can make the patient feel even more demoralized and sick. So instead of blurting out the first phrase that pops into your head, take into account nuances like: Am I speaking abstractly or specifically? Is this person capable of understanding complex words and ideas right now? Is he offended by certain words or ideas? Will telling him this make him dread my visits in the future? Using a little prior judgment can save everyone a lot of grief.” Share bad news. Don’t “deliver” it. Say, for instance, that your mother is terminally ill and that your brother—her only son—has decided to end his marriage. If your family is having the Do we tell her? She probably won’t live until the divorce is final conversation, St. John asserts that sick people are still entitled to hear the truth and that you have the ethical obligation to deliver it, even when it’s negative. And the manner in which you convey that truth, he says, is critical.
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“Whether the bad news relates to family drama, financial trouble, or the patient’s own illness, try not to present it as an idea that the other person will have to deal with on her own,” he explains. “In other words, don’t ‘tell and run.’ This should ideally be a gut-to-gut, heart-to-heart conversation. Therefore, it’s a good idea to put some prior thought into who the best person and when the best time to share the news might be. Make sure your loved one knows that you are a partner in working through and/ or coming to terms with the situation. Offer to help and don’t make everything about you and your own reaction.”
12 10 13 11 Treat the patient like a person, not an illness. When your loved one’s medical condition dictates almost all aspects of his daily life (and perhaps yours as well), it can be easy to focus primarily on his illness when you’re together. Even if you’re just visiting for an hour or so, you’re still acutely aware that the change in circumstances is due to cancer, for instance, or kidney disease. Remember that you aren’t spending time with a disease that is treated by a certain medication and manifests itself through specific symptoms. You’re spending time with a person who is still capable of interacting, understanding, and feeling. “Patients may be sick, but they are still themselves,” reminds St. John. “Unless your loved one’s illness has affected his mental abilities, his personality, preferences, and characteristics are largely unchanged. When you begin to define him by his condition, he will likely begin to resent not being accepted and valued for the person he is. It’s important to always treat the patient with dignity and respect, and allow him to retain as much control over his life as possible.”
Pay attention to body language. (It can tell you what’s really being said.) Sometimes chronically ill patients might seem to communicate in a confusing or incomplete manner. (In fact, everyone does this from time to time!) Maybe your loved one is saying one thing but doesn’t seem to mean it, or perhaps her response to a particular set of circumstances doesn’t seem to fit. In these situations, body language can give you valuable clues as to what’s really going on.
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“For example, fidgeting or looking away might indicate nervousness,” instructs St. John. “Crossed arms are a sign of defensiveness, while nail-biting or lip-chewing are symptoms of insecurity. Leaning toward someone points to cooperation, while leaning away might indicate suspicion or skepticism. When you learn to ‘speak’ this language, you’ll be able to more accurately get to the heart of the matter.” Be (appropriately) hands-on. Similar to a comfortable silence, touch is a powerful way to communicate without words. To a sick person, physical contact can convey support, comfort, reassurance, and more in the midst of a very frightening time. For some patients, a long period of not touching might even increase feelings of separation and isolation. That’s because something as simple as holding your loved one’s hand, kissing his cheek, or patting his arm says, “You are not alone; I am here with you.” “The appropriate way to touch someone depends on how close your relationship is, what sort of contact he is comfortable with, and whether he’s even receptive to touch in the first place,” St. John clarifies. “Unless you are already very close and have a history of hugging, for example, it’s good to consider asking, ‘May I give you a hug?’ the first few times. Also, keep in mind that your touching should be a natural, spontaneous gesture of caring, rather than something planned or contrived. This is one of the best ways to create trust, especially during serious conversations about the patient’s feelings, pain, or fears.” If at all possible, honor the patient’s confidences. Everyone needs someone to whom they can talk about their innermost thoughts, feelings, and concerns— especially people who are suffering from an illness. If you’re a caregiver or frequent visitor, you’ll probably fill this role to some extent. It’s important for you to maintain the patient’s respect and trust by not divulging confidential information, “even once,” because “even one” betrayal can be fatal to your relationship. And when you’re listening, remember to maintain a nonjudgmental and nondirective attitude.
“There are two types of confidences: those you are explicitly asked to keep private, and those that are obviously very sensitive and private,” St. John clarifies. “Even if you haven’t been explicitly asked to keep something confidential, err on the side of caution. Speak up against the patient’s wishes only if you feel that her well-being, or that of other family members, might be in danger. For instance, if your loved one is contemplating suicide due to feelings of futility and fear, or planning to secretly spend a large sum of money on something illadvised, breaking her confidence might be the right thing to do.”
“While you can’t control the patient’s anger, you can control your own response,” St. John advises. “Make every effort to remain cool and collected, even if you have to pause for a few seconds or leave the room to keep your own stack from blowing. And after the episode is over, try to identify what really caused the outburst so that you can avoid similar situations in the future. Anger doesn’t happen in a vacuum—it is triggered by various emotions, perceptions, and events. Refrain from squelching or downplaying your loved one’s anger since she has a right to express it, and since it may even be therapeutic.”
Remember, smiling isn’t taboo! There’s a saying that when you smile and laugh, you’re speaking in a universal language…and it’s even spoken by patients in sickrooms. Yes, when you’re visiting an ill loved one, you probably don’t feel like grinning, and you also want to keep things as peaceful as possible. But when you’re the patient, all of the seriousness and sadness can be wearing. Unless your ill loved one is a humorless person by nature, don’t feel the need to suppress laughter and smiles.
Taking time to learn the art of giving solace is absolutely worth it, insists St. John—and not just because it helps the patient.
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“Actually, laughter has numerous healing effects,” St. John says. “It can relieve stress and even pain, and it’s also a wonderful way to ‘equalize’ the sick and the well. Remember that before cracking a joke, though, it’s smart to gauge the patient’s mood as well as your own personality. In other words, if you always flub the punch line, stick to spontaneous humor and avoid reciting jokes—and pack the humor away entirely if Uncle John is in an unreceptive mood. Lastly, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself—it will endear you to your family and friends!”
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Don’t take anger personally. Do respond constructively to it. Anger is a natural human emotion, and seriously ill people have a lot to potentially feel angry about. After all, they have a prognosis that might not be hopeful, and they have lost some amount of independence and autonomy. Plus, their pain and energy levels might make them less patient or less able to handle stressful situations. Therefore, it’s not unusual for caregivers to be on the receiving end when their loved one’s fuse blows for any reason.
“We learn so much from our interactions with chronically ill loved ones,” he says. “When you do all you can to make your time with the person productive and meaningful, you may gain great emotional and spiritual growth. And you’ll stave off regret—down the road, when you look back on this experience, you won’t wish you hadn’t squandered what could have been the richest, most real time you ever spent with your loved one.” Dr. Walter St. John is a retired college professor and administrator who lives with his wife in Old Town, Maine. He taught interpersonal communications courses for more than twenty years and has presented communications workshops throughout the United States and Canada. He has hands-on experience with disabled veterans, multihandicapped youth, and Special Olympics participants, and he has written widely in the field of communications. Dr. St. John received his bachelor’s degree from the University of Arizona, with a major in communications. Subsequently, he earned his doctorate from the University of Southern California, with a major in management and a minor in counseling. About the Book: Solace: How Caregivers and Others Can Relate, Listen, and Respond Effectively to a Chronically Ill Person (Bull Publishing Company, 2011, ISBN: 978-1933503-62-2, $14.95) is available from major online booksellers and at www. bullpub.com/catalog/solace/.
MARCH |
15
The Dow Closes Above 13,000‌
What Does that Mean for the Economy and Your Finances?
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The Dow Jones Industrial Average (DJIA), a leading economic indicator, passed the 13,000-point mark on February 21st and closed above the milestone on February 28th for the first time in nearly four years. The last time the Dow reached this level, the unemployment rate was 5.4 percent and the national debt was still below $10 trillion. Other key economic indicators, such as the rate of unemployment and the inflation rate, are also showing signs that the economy is improving. In January, the unemployment rate fell to a three-year low at 8.3 percent, and the rate of inflation was 2.9 percent for the prior 12-month period. The gross domestic product (GDP) grew every quarter in 2011, and consumer confidence is on the rise. According to Thomson Reuters, consumer sentiment rose to 75.3 in February, marking its sixth straight month of improvement. The Conference Board also said its February index of consumer attitude toward the economy was the highest since February of last year at 63.0. Despite these positive trends, Salt Lake City financial advisor, Sean P. Lee, cautions investors, especially those who lost a significant portion of their retirement savings when the economy took its turn late 2008, to move forward cautiously. “While the economy appears to be on an upswing, there is no guarantee we’re on a straight path. Our economy is still very fragile, and anything can happen.” Lee reminds us that the Dow last closed above 13,000 points on May 19th, 2008, but by October 10th of that year it closed at 8,451. By March of 2009, the Dow closed at 6,547. The last time the Dow hit 13,000 was just a mere five months before American investors collectively lost trillions of dollars from their savings and investments, forcing many to permanently alter their financial futures.
“Many people have a short-term memory,” explains Lee. “Be sure you take to heart the lessons learned from the last recession, and while we hope for the best, be sure to prepare for the worst and protect your pocketbook from history potentially repeating itself. If you haven’t made changes to your investment strategy over the last four years, then at the 13,000 mark you’re just now breaking even, and breaking even is much different than making money.” If there is a black cloud in what appears to be an otherwise promising economic future, it’s the impact that rising energy costs will have on the pocketbooks of all Americans. Gas prices are expected to hit an all-time high by this summer, with some analysts predicting as much as $5 per gallon. A spike in gasoline prices early last year nearly put the fragile U.S. economy back into a recession. U.S. gas prices have jumped nearly 13 percent already in 2012, setting a record for this time of year when gas prices are usually lower due to the decrease in consumer demand. The rise in gasoline prices poses a threat to both inflation and economic growth – two of the key economic indicators that help us determine if the country is really getting ahead, or at risk of falling behind. Lee encourages city residents to stay optimistic but also prepare their finances so they can be protected in any economic environment. “What we need to make sure of now is that we have learned from our experiences, that our previous vulnerabilities have been addressed, and that our financial affairs are protected and positioned to withstand another potential dip.” Sean P. Lee, MSFS, is a partner of Galileo Financial Group. Lee specializes in financial planning for the retirement years. He is an Investment Advisor Representative with Global Financial Private Capital, LLC, and is life and health insurance licensed. For more information visit www.SeanPLee.com.
MARCH |
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RESOURCES Advocacy
Senior Centers
AARP of Utah 801.561.1037
Most Senior Centers supply transportation and meals. They are open Monday through Friday, and the hours varies. Call your center for times.
Utah Dept of Aging and Adult Services (DAAS) Phone: 801.538.3991 www.hsdaas.utah.gov/ Utah State Courts Estate Planning & Probate www.utcourts.gov/howto/wills/ Phone: 801.578.3800 Social Security Administration 1.800.772.1213 www.ssa.gov SAGE Utah Services & Advocacy for GLBTQ Elders www.glccu.com/programs/lgbtqelders-50
Dental Services Legal Services Utah Legal Services 800.662.4245
Healthcare Resources Alzheimer’s Association of Utah 801.265.1944 American Cancer Society of Utah 801.483.1500 American Chronic Pain Association 800.533.3231 American Diabetes Association-Utah 801.363.3024 George E. Wahlen Department of Veterans Affairs Medical Center 500 Foothill Drive Salt Lake City, Utah 84148 Phone: 801.582.1565
Respite Care Medical Home Portal www.medicalhomeportal.org CHTOP Chapel Hill Training-Outreach Program chtop.org/ARCH/National-Respite-Locator.html
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Davis County Autumn Glow Center 81 East Center Kaysville, UT 84037 Phone: 801.544.1235
9228 West 2700 South Magna, UT 84044 Phone: 801.250.0692 Midvale Senior Center 350 West Park Street 7610 S Midvale, UT 84047 Phone: 801.566.6590 Mount Olympus Senior Center 1635 East Murray.Holliday Road Salt Lake City, UT 84117 Phone: 801.274.1710
Golden Years Center 726 South 100 East Bountiful, UT 84010 Phone: 801.295.3479
River’s Bend Senior Center 300 North 1300 West Salt Lake City, UT 84116 Phone: 801.596.0208
Heritage Center 140 East Center Clearfield, UT 84015 Phone: 801. 773.7065
Riverton Senior Center 12891 South Redwood Road Riverton, UT 84065 Phone: 801.254.7609
Salt Lake County Columbus Senior Center 2531 South 400 East Salt Lake City, UT 84115 Phone: 801.412.3295
Sandy Senior Center 9310 South 1300 East Sandy, UT 84094 Phone: 801.561.3265
Draper Senior Center 12350 South 800 East Draper, UT 84020 Phone: 801.572.6342 Eddie P. Mayne Kearns Senior Center 4851 West 4715 South Salt Lake City, UT 84118 Phone: 801.965.9183
South Jordan Senior Center 10778 South Redwood Road South Jordan, UT 84095 Phone: 801.302.1222 Sunday Anderson Westside Senior Center 868 West 900 South Salt Lake City, UT 84104 Phone: 801.538.2092
Friendly Neighborhood Center 1992 South 200 East Salt Lake City, UT 84115 Phone: 801.468.2781
Taylorsville Senior Citizen Center 4743 South Plymouth View Dr. Taylorsville, UT 84123 Phone: 801.293.8340
Harman Senior Recreation Center 4090 South 3600 West West Valley City, UT 84119 Phone: 801.965.5822
Tenth East Senior Center 237 South 1000 East Salt Lake City, UT 84102 Phone: 801.538.2084
Kearns Senior Center 4850 West 4715 South Salt Lake City, UT 84118 Phone: 801.965.9183 Liberty City Center 251 East 700 South Salt Lake City, UT 84111 Phone: 801.532.5079 Magna Center
West Jordan Center 8025 South 2200 West West Jordan, UT 84088 Phone: 801.561.7320 Washington County Council on Aging http://www.washco.utah.gov/ contact
The Washington County Council on Aging provides services for senior citizens 60 and older. These include classes (pottery, painting, aerobics, yoga, square dancing, and computer training) tax assistance during tax season and other services. Nutrition is a main focus of the senior centers. In-house meals are served as well as Meals on Wheels. The following centers are supported in part through the donations of those patrons who use the facilities. Gayle & Mary Aldred Senior Center 245 North 200 West St. George , UT 84770 435.634 . 5743 Washington County Senior Citizens 150 East 100 South Street Enterprise, UT 84725 435.878.2557 Hurricane Senior Citizens Center 95 N 300 W Hurricane, UT 84737 435.635.2089
Volunteering Utah State Parks Volunteer Coordinator 1594 W North Temple, 116 Salt Lake City, UT 84116 (801) 537-3445 robinwatson@utah.gov The Nature Conservancy in Utah www.nature.org/wherewework northamerica/states/utah/volunteer/ Volunteer Match www.volunteermatch.org United Way www.unitedwayucv.org/volunteer Utah Commission on Volunteers volunteers.utah.gov/