SPECIAL EDITION
University of Maine at Presque Isle
Volume 37 Issue 4
EDITOR
University of Maine at Orono is closing. On March 25, sources close to the University of Maine System Taskforce confirmed that at the end of the spring 2009 semester, UMO will cease operations due to budget shortfalls in the UMaine system. “This is the best solution for the system as a whole,” a spokesperson for the Maine Joint Standing Committee on Education and Cultural Affairs said. “UMO is drain on system resources.” According to UMaine system officials, this closure was a scenario that they didn’t want to play out. But they believe that by no longer having to support the research campus, which only accounts for a third of the total student population within the system, they can now cut expensive research projects that were sucking up millions in taxpayers’ dollars. They plan
ADVISOR
UMO CLOSING!
Visit us at utimes.umpi.edu
APRIL 1, 2009
By David Hamilton
By Jacqui Lowman
Journalism for Northern Maine
UMO fieldhouse
on increasing the budgets of the remaining six universities so that they can further reduce their operating costs by installing wind, solar and hydro power stations. “In the end, this move will benefit Maine as a whole, by creating jobs in small, struggling communities where mills have been closing. This plan also allows Maine to become
the Saudi Arabia of renewable energy by leading the way,” Robert Brown, aid to Governor Baldacci, said. With the loss of the system’s flagship campus, the Orono/Bangor areas will initially suffer financially from the move. But it’s projected to come out ahead ultimately. “Bringing more capital to smaller towns, especially those
in northern Maine, will spur the Maine economy. When Mainers have more money, research shows, they go to either Bangor or Portland to spend it. Everybody wins,” Brown said. At press time, several major companies were inquiring into buying sections of the campus for research facilities. The largest, Bezimco Pharma, a
In his letter to University of Maine System Chancellor Rich Pattenaude, Zillman said: “I’ve loved my time at UMPI and I will continue to be a close member of the Owl family in my new position with Consolidated Media. They’ve asked me to expand the coverage the UMPI
men’s baseball team has received by focusing on the women’s softball team. Their feeling was that if the guys can make The New York Times, Sports Illustrated, ESPN and the YES network, the sky’s the limit for the girls.” Zillman declined comment on the pre-
cise financial package with Consolidated Media, but said: “I knew we could do a deal when they mistook my UMPI salary for my expense account.” Women’s softball coach Tracy Guerrette commented: “I will neither confirm nor deny that we have already been
pharmaceuticals company based in Bangladesh, had already submitted a bid of an undisclosed amount to purchase six dormitories and the buildings surrounding the campus mall, including the library. This would bring hundreds of white-collar jobs to central Maine. While the rest of Maine looks to benefit from the closure, professors, students and alumni of UMO are enraged and confused at the decisions that are trickling out of the system office. Protests, so far, have been relatively peaceful in nature. Professors have organized the protests, leading hundreds of their students in sitins around campus. With only five weeks until classes end, campus security and area emergency personnel stand at alert for any outbreaks of violence or vandalism. Officials at UMO declined to comment on the situation.
President Zillman resigns
University of Maine at Presque Isle President Don Zillman has resigned his post effective immediately to take a senior management position with Consolidated Media Group in New York City.
approached by NBC News, Rush Limbaugh and Access Hollywood. But President Zillman does work quickly!” Men’s baseball coach Leo Saucier denied any worries about a media battle between the men and the women. BETRAYED, Campus 8
University Times
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Campus By Leah McEachern STAFF WRITER
It was a beautiful day last Monday, and relatively warm for this time of year. The sun was shining and the sidewalks around campus were miniature swamps; covered with sticky mud and trickling streams of water created by the melting of the snow. The soothing sound of birds filled the air, and in the distance a group of students could be heard playing a game of frisbee. It was a perfect afternoon for the staff at the oncampus day care to bring the children to the lawn in front of the library for some story telling. While the picture books that were being read to them held
Story time turmoil
their attention for a while, the children’s fascination did not last. The brisk, spring-like weather became just too tempting, and the daycare staff soon lost control of their troop. They ran freely across the campus, frolicking in the deep puddles and mud, and easily evaded their pursuers. Eventually their attention turned towards the library itself, and they rushed inside. “It was utter chaos,” a librarian said, who requested her name be withheld. “They By Pamela Perkins STAFF WRITER
Resigns
from page 1 “They’re all great young people. Game On!” Saucier was also reported to be delighted about news that the new UMPI wind turbine would provide electric heat to keep the fields snow free year around. “We’re so excited about scheduling Texas and Miami for games on our field during next February break,” Saucier said. Chancellor Pattenaude declined comment of when a search for Zillman’s successor would begin. He only commented: “I suspect we will be overwhelmed with candidates including most of my staff. It’s a great opportunity!”
April 1, 2009
U Times gets a new staff member— Over this past spring break, the journalism lab, which is now located in Normal Hall, room 102, had a surprise visitor. Though the U Times staff is always open for meeting new people, this type of visitor is one the staff hopes will not come again. Although as staff members we’re very proud to be Owls, we’re not very proud of what this owl did to our lab. This intruder did more than $2,000 worth of damage was done by. Somehow, an actual, live snowy owl got trapped within the lab over break. How it got there and how long it was there is still a mystery. Presque Isle police are baffled as well. They believe that someone had to let the owl in. But the only people who have access to the lab are adviser Jacqui Lowman and editor David Hamilton, and both where gone over break. When faculty members were asked if they saw the owl in Normal Hall, they all reported with a no. Some faculty members were in their offices over break to catch up on their grading, but none saw or heard noises coming from the lab. None of the U Times staff members saw the owl, either, since this was break week and we were all away. So just how the owl
swarmed all over the place, and although we were able to keep them away from the books, they still managed to get to the newspaper rack. What they didn’t tear up or get mud on, they vandalized with crayons and markers that they had in their pockets.” After about fifteen minutes, the daycare staff managed to get the children under control with the assistance of both the janitorial personnel and campus security. The
Lab wreck
aftermath of the anarchy was truly staggering to behold. Muddy footprints covered the once clean carpets and furniture, the computer keyboards were covered with sticky bits of candy, and broken bits of cheaply-made toys littered the floor. “In retrospect, it really was a silly idea to take the kids out on such a nice day and expect them to sit still. They’re kids, after all.” Said a relieved daycare worker with a chuckle. “But we see now where we went wrong, and we can safely assure the students, faculty and staff here at UMPI that an incident like this will never occur again.”
The J lab intruder
got there no one knows as of press time. The owl seems to have stayed within the lab and made itself a nest out of the Diet Coke bottles and cracker wrappers that the staff snacks on when they are laying out the paper. There was one egg found within the nest behind the cabinet. This was found after staff members noticed that the window to the lab was broken. The window was broken from the inside, as bloody glass shards were found lying out on the pavement. The hole was about 8 inches across. A closer look outside, and the snowy
owl was found about five feet away, dead in a snowbank. Presque Isle police were then called in and so far their search for how the owl got there has led nowhere. Before the owl got loose, it knocked over the lab’s two Mac computers, each valued at about $800. These computers are the easiest way to do the U Times layout. Though this is a setback, we can still produce the paper with our PC computers that the owl left untouched. The owl also broke a Mac laptop, valued at about $600. The replacement of the window was about $100.
University Times
April 1, 2009
Page 3
rounded up in raid U Times advice columnists
By Laura Hunter STAFF WRITER
University Times advice columnists Jack and Jill have been arrested, along with a dozen others, in a local sting operation. Presque Isle police raided the unassuming house in the quiet neighborhood of Eight Mile and Broadway late last night. The charges range from operating to participating in an illegal swingers club within city limits. It’s not clear at this point what charges, if any, will be filed against Jack and Jill. Detective Steve Wingate was on the scene and said, “Our job here tonight was pretty easy. Most of the suspects were already in handcuffs.” Presque Isle police have had the house under surveillance for several months now, following a tip from an informant. “I just thought they held a lot of Tupperware parties,” neighbor
Jack after resisting arrest
Sam Colter said. “I never thought they were up to anything kinky.” Colter’s wife, Rita Colter, said, “Heck, if I had known, I would have accepted their invitation.” Jack and Jill’s publicist, U Times editor David Hamilton,
gave a brief statement: “While we’re disappointed that Jack and Jill didn’t use more discretion, we at the U Times support them and their need for healthy experimentation with consenting adults. We look forward to having them back
on staff as soon as they raise bail.” Sources say that Jill was the dominant one who persuaded Jack to “try it out, for fun.” In an exclusive in-jailhouse interview, Jack said, “I don’t know why I let her talk me into these things. She said it was just for research, but I don’t know. She kind of got into it a little too much, you know?” Jill, known for her tell-it-likeit-is style, refused to comment, except to say that, “Justice will prevail and the truth will come out.” Jack and Jill, along with the dozen others, one rumored to be UMPI faculty member John Zaborney, will be arraigned shortly after 9 a.m. After, the two are expected to meet with their attorneys. It’s not clear if this escapade will jeopardize their book tour promoting their newest best seller, “How to Beat a Dead Horse into Loving You.”
UMPI: MTV’s pick for reality TV
By Natalie St. Pierre STAFF WRITER
President Don Zillman announced on Friday, March 27, that UMPI will serve as the backdrop for MTV University’s new series titled “The Kelly Commons Chronicles.” MTV University is an MTV created network that broadcasts on college campuses throughout the United States. The idea for the show came from a rough outline for a screenplay by UMPI senior Paige Bennett. “I wanted to create a real reality show, full of real life drama, laughter and tears.” The show is centered on the
lives and lunch conversations of real life UMPI best friends Riley Knight, Bella Martin, Paige Bennett and Kaitlynn Urban. The girls meet every day at noon for lunch at Kelly Commons. During their lunches, they discuss all of life’s ups and downs, relationships and classes. “It’s about us--our lives together as friends,” Knight said. The girls hope that doing a show like this will help others relate to the realities, both good and bad, that college life can bring. “Being a college student is
hard--juggling work, classes and having a personal life. It can border on impossible,” Urban said. The show will be completely unscripted. Tape will roll uninterrupted as camera crews follow the four around for an
entire semester. Why did Urban decide to do the show? “Because I think it’ll be fun, and it’s important to me that everyone sees what university life is truly like.” When asked her thoughts on her friends and the project, Martin replied, “My friends are amazing! This is going to be a great experience for all of us.” Bennett explained that her moment of genius occurred randomly during an all-night cram session for biology during their first semester on campus. “Bella and Kaitlynn were recalling a funny story. I
grabbed my notebook and scribbled some notes. It was really just a hobby: a quote here and there,” Bennett said. From then on, she took her notepad with her to lunch every day. That hobby would soon grow into notebooks full of gab sessions that now have the potential to become MTV’s latest “it” project in reality television. Filming is set to begin in the fall of 2010. Tune in to see if the girls can make the grade just in time for graduation. Urban is pre-med at UMPI. Knight and Martin are psychology majors. Bennett is majoring in journalism with a minor in film studies.
University Times
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Sports By Alicia Sisson CONTRIBUTOR
Athlete of the week
Athlete Profile: David Hamilton David Hamilton, known to most as the editor of the U Times, is now bearing a new title: Beef Cake. Hamilton’s dedication, hard work and endless hours in the journalism lab finally came to a halt on March 24. Hamilton, who has been known to take only one night off a week from working on the latest edition of the newspaper, was tired of sitting around. With only moonlight beaming in from the window of the tiny journalism lab, you could see him slouched over in his chair staring endlessly into the computer screen. It was at this moment that he decided enough was enough. He was going to the gym. And so he finally ventured over to Gentile Hall and into the exercise room for the first time all
year.
As a result of his wise decision to leave the journalism lab and better his health, Hamilton is this week’s Athlete of the Week. In only a short thirtyminute workout, Hamilton did three whole bicep curls, eight crunches, 13 push-ups and also ran from the weight room to the bathroom—twice. “I’ve been meaning to go to Gentile Hall for a while now, so the trip is long overdue,” Hamilton told reporters while icing his shoulder from the workout. “I think I got some good reps in, some good sets.” Staff members of the newspaper were ecstatic to hear that Hamilton finally left the room, giving them all a chance to clean the pile of breakfast, dinner and supper takeout containers that had been gathering around the computer since Friday’s deadline.
UMPI: AIGʼs redemption?
By Jeff Lovejoy
April 1, 2009
Hamilton after he snapped
ern Maine would be a good place to deposit some of his so-called guilty The news from insurance giant money. He still claims that the bonusAIG isn’t all bad. There have been es were legal and above board, but news reports of some officials returnrealizes how they must look to much of ing their bonuses—or at least pledgthe American public. ing to. But UMPI, it turns out, has a “I don’t want it said . . . I don’t want connection as well. Arnold my kids to think I was responsible for Crotchner, CFO of the sprawling bringing down America,” he said in a firm, has pledged $5 million to UMPI phone interview. “That would be too to be used primarily for its sports promuch of a burden to carry for the rest grams. of my life.” “I saw that piece on ESPN,” UMPI administrators have not said Crotchner said, “on the baseball how the money will be apportioned. UMPI baseball team makes one helluva catch team, I think it was. I couldn’t imagOne official, not wanting to be named ine them not having any home games. at this point, said they want to wait That’s just a shame, you know? Besides, I think I had an uncle until the money is actually in hand before making any determinawho went there years ago. He always talked it up as being a good tion. But rest assured, he said, the baseball team will get a good school, doing a lot with a little or something like that.” chunk of it. So Crotchner got to thinking, he said, and figured that northCONTRIBUTOR
April 1, 2009
University Times
Book-signing at UMPI Bookstore! meet the UTimes advice columnists Jack & Jill as they read selections from their newest book:
“How to Beat a Dead Horse into Loving You”
They’ll be there @ 1 p.m. on March 30
Page 5
University Times
Get Involved!
Page 6
Club of the Week:
EVIL LEAGUE OF EVIL
Compost or Art?
April 1, 2009
By Leah McEachern He is hoping to see more, because he STAFF WRITER feels that there’s nothing that comSo is it a club for people who pares to the experience of seeing a A favourite pastime When I first heard that there want to be super villains? of painters and scrapbookBroadway show. was a club called the Evil League, I ing enthusiasts alike is takhad to have a little talk with myself. “It really has nothing to do “I feel that members who get ing a piece of wood or a “You’re kidding me right? A with superheroes or super villains,” group of people who want to be Smith said. “Though if it helps peo- to see a Broadway show not only get sponge, cutting it into a unique shape and then dipsuper villains and want to take over ple with their acting and getting into to see how and where the art can ping it in paint (or ink) and the world? Yeah, right.” their roles, then let them think that take you. It’s a nice way to bond stamping it on a piece of closer to the members who might I admit my ignorance. There they’re super.” have a dream of someday being on paper. You can buy cheap is a club here at UMPI called the sponges at almost any dolThe Evil League of Evil is a Broadway,” Smith said. Jokingly he lar store and even buy Evil League of Evil. But it has nothing to do with super villains—well new acting and drama club here at added “Plus, it’s New York! It’s one them already cut into star UMPI. So far it has more than 30 of the cultural things to do there! or flower shapes at major sort of. active members and counting. It’s What else are you supposed to do arts and crafts stores such When I interviewed the pres- open to anyone who has a love for there?” as Michael’s. But why ident of the club, Jeff Smith, and acting, love for theater or love for the spend all that money when Steve White, vice president of all the supplies you need asked, why he came up with that arts. the club, added this for new mem- are in your garbage can? name he grinned. The next time “It’s just a great way to get to bers. “The only good guy that I know people and that’s why I you’re finished with your “We’re open to new applica- afternoon snack, hang onto know who wears black is Batman— joined,” Jennie Young, a member of and everyone here likes Superman the club, said. “It’s nice to be a club tions, but we just hope that you are that tomato or apple core serious because of the art. If not, we you were going to foolishly over him,” Smith said. where you can actually connect with might kick you out. This is not your throw away. Fruits and Smith went with the Evil people with the same interests as average club of wannabes. This club vegetable remains are an makeshift League of Evil because most of the yourself. I didn’t really find that in is for people who seriously love the economical, some of the other clubs, but I did in stamp that anybody can art.” bad guys wear black, which is the this one. It’s great!” access without making a primary color for the group, along The club meets on Thursdays trip to an art store in with red and blue. The sign for the The Evil League of Evil is from 12:15-1:15pm in Wieden. If Bangor. Try taking an club is a black horse with red and planning on going to New York to orange slice, soaking it in a blue hair. Why did the club pick a offer to its members the chance to you’d like to know more, you can bit of acrylic paint and contact Jeff Smith at horse for its mascot? see Broadway plays. So far, Smith BroadwayBound@hotmail.com or stamping the cover of your binder with it. You’ll be “Just about all the girls here has seen “Phantom of the Opera,” called 884-637-7825. pleasantly surprised by the like horses over spiders,” Smith said “The Lion King,” “Les Miserable,” colourful and distinctive “Avenue Q” and “Mamma Mia”. patterns you’ll create. And if you feel like getting creative, try using your browning banana peel to smear Dear Jack & Jill, paint on your dorm room ceiling and walls. You How do I tell my parents that I’ve been won’t need to look at those fading posters or hole in busted for operating an illegal swingers the wall anymore, and your club? roommates and friends will surely be jealous of your Busted Sex Fiend imagination! By Pamela Perkins STAFF WRITER
with a smile.
ADVICE FROM JACK & JILL
Dear Busted, You don’t.
April 1, 2009
University Times
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Flick Picks
Dear Readers, Due to apathy, there will be no movie review this week. Tune in next week, however, when I review, “Aliens vs. Predator vs. the Jonas Brothers,” rated NC17 for gore, violence and bad music. The story follows the tale of three brothers as they find out that the path to true love is not with faith, honesty and commitment, but with fame, fortune and big hair. On the night of their final concert, a meteor crashes to earth. Unfortunately, the meteor misses the arena and smashes into the fake land of Narnia, killing Aslan and leaving those bratty kids to deal with their problems on their own. Meanwhile, back on the island, Jack realizes that he should’ve stopped off at LL Bean for some suitable outerwear before being flashed back onto the island of death. Kate and Sawyer discover that
Decepticons. The battle rages until Severus Snape shows up and heroically sacrifices himself and dies, but not before demanding that each of them, “Look at me.” Back at the concert, JoBro #1 discovers that his hair has gone flat and refuses to go onstage. As he sulks in his dressing room, the alien, a mischievous gerbil/kittenThe Jonas Brothers looking thing, shows up. Feeling sorry for the alien and thinking that it’s hungry they’re brother and sister and that their and thirsty, JoBro #1 gives it some food father is the evil Darth Vader, a megaloand water, despite warnings from the maniac who puts Ben to shame. decrepit shopkeeper. When the cute After Ben dies of an infection follow- alien transforms into a cat-lusting, shaging a paper cut, Alfred discovers that he is gy-haired anteater named Alf, JoBro #1 not immune to Bruce Wayne’s charms and realizes he’s in trouble. the two follow a path that leads to forbidFast paced and visually stunning, this den love, heartache, lost dreams and, film will have you vomiting from laugheventually, redemption. ter. And stay for the credits where you’ll Things really heat up when Angel, be rewarded with a duet of the Jonas Spike, Edward and Barnabas Collins join Brothers performing with Metallica! forces to take on Megatron and the
Hey folks look at the calendar. GOTCHA!
Noon to 5
March
Faculty Parking Lot
31
Featuring: John DeFelice Chris Corsello Don Zillman in bikinis and Speedos