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Poetry
8:
Unti tled; Leslie Paul Capli nger: ~
Bacchanalia; Mary Brennan Ba chrack
..
Mothe r; Amy Campbell: 1
5 : Angst; Daniel C. Hubbard
11:
Flinch; Tom Prest
f8: Quotes; Grace Hodo
Mother Knows Best I; Wendy Robin so .: f~' Mother Knows Be st II; Wendy Robin son: II
~: The Sensible Swinger ; E, Ri chards Brabham ~3 : Puppets ; Tom Pre st
~: Call Me Green; Timothy Kevin Brown
Weathering the Storm; Tom Ga ge:f5 Unti tIed; Leslie Paul Caplin ge r: f5 Unti tIed; Julia Hun ge dord: f5
~: poem zero minus negative one; Maureen Ann Mooney
Arm and Hacke r; Ja y Ha cker: ~~
8I:
Perseve ranee ; Erin Zammet : 8~
Gha stly; Kri ste n Van De Biezenbo s
Fiction 5: Clip- on Ties and Vacuum Cleaners Can Change the World; E, Richard s Brabham ~: The Br ea d of a Saint; Jason Aldred
Art
Untitled
Bacchanalia
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Twi stin g, turning, writhing, clamping
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Soaking eve ry limb with swe at.
What does one ex pect to get?
Spreading, spinning, bending, breathing Tr apping every sce nt of ni ght. Sensors funning , dancin g reeling, Fearing any gl i nt of light.
Sighing, laughin g, panting , shakin g Freei ng what ' s bee n cl ut ched in si de. Others mig ht co nsi der l eavin g Never havi ng said they ' ve t ri ed.
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Who allows themselves thi s tramping?
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Mother
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Angst
Another neglect s grades, school, teacher s. Neither grades , school, teachers affect. Grades, sc hool , teachers, achieving nothing. Schools teach ac hi evi ng nothing great. Teachers achieving nothing greatly sc hola stic.
o
Clip-on Ties and Vacuum Cleaners Can Change the World
st rangled, and he neve r could see m to get them tied straight. Hoover left hi s co rporate desk job l ast week wit hout remo rse.
o
He hated t he enti re office environ ment .
hi s gossi ping cowo rk ers and loathed office po l itics.
He despised He mis un-
One mornin g, Hoov er tried to remedy hi s discomfort by wearin g a clip- on tie.
Hoove r didn ' t t hink anybody wo uld notice.
Besides, he tho ught the dark navy tie looked ni ce with his blue ,
derstood office polices and felt raped by those vitamin suckin g,
vertically st rip ed, short sl ee.짜e d shirt.
l amp re y-like florescent li ght s.
both on sa le at the lo ca l K-Mart.
But it was the incident wit h
hi s "hot hea d" boss that ensur ed hi s resignatio n. II
He had purchased them
However , the moment he walked
throu gh th e office door s, eve ryone knew that somet hin g was amiss. That ' s right-ev eryone se nsed a cl ip- on tie was lurk ing benea th
Some of t he t hi ngs that Hoover di sliked most about the office
Hoover' s fres hl y pr esse d co ll ar , including Stan.
environment were the pol ic i es recomm ended and enforced by hi s
Hoover's fat , baldin g, chain smok i ng bo ss.
boss.
caused quite a scene.
Specifically, Hoover did not appreciate hi s bos s' dre ss
Stan was
As expected, this
code: slacks , dress shoes, a freshly ironed shirt , and a tie.
Almost instantl y, Stan ' s fat, bald head turned a reddish-
Now, Hoove r didn ' t mind wea ring sl acks, as hi s l egs we re pale
purpl e colo r, and hi s blood shot eyes widened l ike they were going
and shapeless, and he co uld handl e sporting dr ess sho es eve n
to pop out of th eir soc ket s.
thoug h t hey ca used corns on hi s toes .
between a bull out of the ring and a fire- bre at hin g dragon, Stan
In add itio n, Hoove r had
Then, li ke some sort of a cross
pl enty of tai l ored shi rts and he fo un d an odd plea sur e i n i ron-
charged straig ht at Hoo ver.
ing them.
office watched in si lence as Stan br eat hed fire into the sad-
office.
But Hoover hat ed being requir ed to wear a tie to the Neckties al ways made him br eat hl ess, like he was bein g
dened face of Hoov er.
He was really hot.
The enti re
He was not only hum iliated, but also dis-
gusted by Sta n' s hideo us smok e br ea th.
to everybod y at the top of hi s lun gs and in severa l differ ent
When Sta n fini shed ve rbally abusing poor Hoo ve r, he ex tingui shed his half smo ked cigarette on Hoo ve r ' s pol yes t er clip- on
lan gua ges. "Bon voyage I Au revoir! Aloha I" bellowed Hoov er.
tie, and told him i f he eve r wore a clip- on ti e to the office
l y was quit e a sce ne.
again , he wo uld no lon ge r be emplo ye d.
bonda ge, Hoo ve r was free to follow hi s dr eam.
After thi s incident ,
Hoover neve r felt t he same about hi s job.
It rea l-
In any case , after ten years of office He was free to
see th e wo rld , as a travelin g vac uum cl ea ner sa l es man.
For a whi l e, Hoover t ri ed to res um e working as usual. ca me in at eig ht and l eft at six as he had always don e.
III
He
He wore
Hoo ve r wasted littl e time putting him se lf into busine ss .
He wanted des-
He ex ited hi s old offic e buildi ng, hopp ed in hi s old, gra y,
perately fo r thing s to ret urn to the wa y th ey had bee n for the
Chrysler , and excee ded t he speed limit until he arrived at the
But thi s was not po ss ibl e.
nearest "Traveling Va cuum Cleaner Salesmen Headquart ers." Every
rea l ties eve ryday, and tied them ext ra tight.
la st te n years. already bee n don e.
Th e dama ge had
The whis pers of mockin g cowo rk ers were too
cruel , an d Sta n's dominan ce was more intol erabl e than an eternit y damned in hell.
town ha s one.
It 's where peo pl e go to put themselves into bu si-
ness as tra vel in g vac uum cl ea ner sa l es men.
So on e afte rnoon, when the embarra ss in g
Her e and now, Hoo ve r hopp ed out of the car and sprin te d
mockery was truly unb ea rabl e, Hoo ve r deci ded to reli eve him self
in sid e.
of the office environment.
and hi s skin looked similar to a rip e peach.
Hoo ve r said no t hin g.
He ju st cl ea red hi s des k, tidied up
hi s cubicl e, and pr epar ed a l ength y form declarin g hi s res i gnation.
Hoover felt free!
Fo r t he first tim e in ten years ,
Hoove I' had nev e I'
be en filled with such elation as he was t hat da y when he mar ched up to Sta n' s office to qu it his job.
He rai se d hi s fist in the
air and ge ntl y rapp ed on the door thr ee times.
His hea rt was
trembling.
Moments later , a casually dr esse d, average siz ed man with a country accent approached Hoov er.
tie f rom hi s neck, threw it on th e floor , spit on it , and slid hi s sig ned re signation und er Stan 's office door.
"How ca n I help you, sir?" th e man asked with an in viting twan g.
Hoo ve r flashed a happ y fac e befor e announcing hi s repl y.
"I ' m her e to rea li ze my dr ea mI " he cr owed. see th e bea utiful countryside.
Th en he ga l-
loped out of t he office like a child at pla y, shoutin g "Good Bye"
"I'm go in g to
That 's ri ght-th e wonderful coun-
tr ys ide that I ' ve mi sse d for all th e ye ar s that I spent cage d in that dr ear y office cubicle.
With qui ck and sudd en vio l ence, Hoo ve r ripp ed th e knott ed
Hi s exc it ement
ment at the "Travelin g Vacuum Cleaner Sal es men HeadQ uart ers. "
Hi s bod y tingled beneat h visi bl e goo se bump s,
and a novel se nse of sel f- powe I' came ove I' him.
His eyes sparkl ed lik e sa pph i res,
would ha ve in spired anyone as he ent ered th e friendly environ-
Whil e composing hi s res i gnation , Hoov er encount ered an
ex traordinary realization.
Hoo ver was dri ve n.
I ' m going to become th e bes t damn
traveling vacuum cl ean er sal es man the world ha s eve r see n, and I ' m neve r goi ng to wear a ti e again-eve r. " "Well sir , your enthu siasm is admirable ," remark ed the man with a jolly chuckle.
Wait her e whil e I go get th e form s and
the necessary equi pment- ju st a minute an.d I ' ll get you fixed
innumerable all ni ght study sessions by candlelight to learn
right up. " And the man headed toward a back supply room. Hoov er
everyt hin g there was to know about selling vacuum cleaners.
couldn ' t help fidgeting while he waited.
hi s unprecedent ed gri t and determination carried him through the
"Hey, is that your littl e gray Chrysler out front?" hollered
"Yes sir," responded Hoo ver , a little confused.
He could-
n't imagine why this man had notic ed hi s simple littl e car. "It ' s real nice , " rema rked the man since rely.
"It's the
perfect set of wheels for a traveling vacuum cleaner sa l es man. " This comment touched Hoover , almost eno ugh to mak e him shed Even though he knew this strange r was ju st makin g
friendly small talk, it had been a long time since anyone had spoken so sweetly to him.
tough est time s. One afternoon, Hoover felt competent eno ugh in his trade
the man from the back room.
a tear.
But
It was at this mom ent that Hoov er knew
he was in the right place.
and decided to begi n hi s new career on the following morning. That ni ght , sleep came slowly for Hoov er , as he was tormented by a mixture of untam ed ado and nervo us appre hen sion.
and turned between the bed sheets like a chi ld on the night befor e the first day of sc hool.
Finally, the crow of a distant
roo ster sig nal ed the new day. As soo n as possible, Hoo ver found himself driving his littIe Chrysler down a two-lane cou ntr y hi ghway somewhere in the middl e of Iowa.
After signing a few forms, Hoover walked out th e double
He tossed
The vastness of the wide- open pastures seemed
stran ge and unf amiliar.
Hoo ver marveled at how the golden fields
doors of the "Traveling Vacuum Cleaner Headquarter s" ca rr ying
touched the de ep blu e sky at the hori zo n lin e, save the inter-
some catalogs , a few order forms , and a briefcase containing the
ruption of an occasional grain elevator.
latest model vacu um cleaner available.
searc hin g for familiar pictures,. in the fluffy clouds overhead,
Now that Hoo ver was a genuine traveling vac uum cleaner salesma n, he felt like a new man. It had been an emotio nal day.
But he was also dead tired.
Pre se ntly , he hopped in his lit-
tle gray Chrysler and hea ded for home.
He had to get a good
ni ght rest so he cou ld l ear n all about the products he would soon
like castles , or birds , or dinosaurs. old Bing Crosby tune.
He amused himself by
Meanwhile , he hummed an
Hoov er played this picture finding game
with him self until he was nearly mauled by an oncoming tractor trailer.
After that, he decided he should pay more attention to
the road. Hoov er continued dri vi ng alon g t hi s two-lane stretch of
be marketing.
IV
country hi ghway somewher e in the middl e of Iowa for the rest of
The sample vacu um cleaner was clearly a great product-a
the mornin g.
At hig h noon , hi s stomach started grumbling like
double bagged, water sucki ng mac hin e that had yet to be avail-
an impatient gra ndfath er.
able at Sears.
ham san dwich at a small shack on the side of the road.
Moreover, it was eve n endorsed by the "T raveling
Vacuum Cleaner Salesmen ' s Assoc iation , " or the "TVCSA" for short.
These facts Hoov er knew for sur e.
Still, it took him
Obligingly, Hoover pulled over for a
sha ck had a rusty Coca- Cola sign hanging in front, unmann ed gaso lin e pumps .
This
and two
At this time , Hoo ver was the store's
only customer.
Behind th e co un ter was a wri nkle d woma n wit h sp-
ve r hai r tied up in a bun and da rk eyes.
She appea red to be th e
owne r.
like the wri nkl ed old lad y.
Did peo pl e real l y di slik e travel-
i ng vac uum cleaner sa l es men? Thi s qu estio n haunted poor Hoover for t he re st of t he afternoon.
"What do yo u wan t?" she as ked with a co ld star e as Hoo ve r entered the shant y.
Alt hough Hoove r was surprised by her rude-
nes s, he chose to ig nor e it.
After all , he just wanted to eat
a ham sa ndwic h and be on his way.
Unfo rtun ate ly , while lo st in
thou ght , he be ga n maki ng ri ght turns for no apparent reason. Per haps Hoo ve r was tr yin g to esca pe th ese unfr ie ndl y parts, hoping to find a mor e ho spi table regio n. Whateve r the case, he conti nu ed vee rin g ri ght eac h time th e l i ttl e Chrysler enco unt ere d
"I ' ll take a ham sa ndwich pl ease-hold the mu sta rd ," he sa id polit el y.
a cross ro ads. Hoov er rema in ed so troubled t hat he did not notice wh en
Ke eping an unfri endl y sil ence, the woman 's vein ridd en,
du sk began to fall over the unchan gi ng fields of grain.
No r did
wrinkly hands , pr epared the sa ndwich, compl ete wit h extra mu s-
he no t i ce that the orange ne ed l e on the gas gage of his little
tard.
Th en she rang up Hoover's bill on a mec hanica l cas h reg-
gray Chrysler had bee n point ing to "emp ty" for over an hour.
ister.
Hoover paid her wit h exa ct change, grabbed hi s lun ch,
Poor Hoov er di d not eve n notic e that he had no idea where he was l
and hea ded for t he door.
Eve ntuall y, th e engi ne of th e littl e gray Chrysler spu t-
"You ' re one of tho se trav eli n' vac uum clean er sa l es men,
te red to a sto p. Hoo ver was out of gas . At th is time, God prob-
ain ' t yo u, " she holl ered coa rsely, as Hoov er pu shed open the
ably rolled hi s eyes in di sg ust at Hoov er, for he was now a gas-
swi nging scree n door.
l ess, tr aveli ng vacuum cl ea ner sa le sman lo st and st rand ed some-
tl e gray Chrysler.
She must have be en t ipped off by hi s l it-
Hoover sto pped short and t urn ed to face her.
"Ye s rna ' am!" he excla imed. catalogs? "
"Would yo u Ii ke to see some
Wit h that, th e woma n's wrin kl es tig ht ened in to a
hateful face.
When Hoo ve r first reali zed the littl e gray Chrysl er was out of gas, he immediately put on hi s ha zard light s.
Th at 's what
hi s hig h sc ho ol dri ver's edu ca t io n t eac her said to do i n a sit-
"No!" she res ponded bitterly.
"You best get on out ta here !
We don 't like yo ur kind around th ese part s."
Th ese hea rtl ess
words had not on l y up set Hoover, bu t f rig hte ned him as wel l. didn't she l ike hi s kind? What had he done wro ng? no i ll wi ll aga in st her.
where i n the middl e of Iowa.
Why
He had felt
Neve rthel ess, with a qui ve rin g heart ,
Hoover hung his hea d and hurr ie d toward hi s Ii tt l e Chr ys l er.
y Pre se ntly , Hoo ve r re sum ed his journ ey down t he dese rt ed str etc h of rural hig hway, wo nd eri ng i f all people really felt
uatio n lik e this one.
Th en Hoo ver began t o cry.
He crie d an d
cried like a baby that nee ded to ha ve it s dia per chan ge d.
Th e
sa lt y tear s st un g his face beca use he had extra se nsitive sk in. Hoove r co nt inu ed so bbin g until he ra n out of t ear s. After a while, Hoover dri ed his eyes and sta rt ed loo king It certainly was a dark ni ght.
around fo r sig ns of life.
It
hadn 't bee n too lon g sin ce Hoove r had bee n af rai d of the dark , but he was a bi g bo y now.
Trul y, th e chirping cricket s disturbed
hi m more than the darkn ess.
Nevertheless , Hoov er kept sca nnin g
o
the sce ne fo r helpful sig ns. to the left.
Finally, he noticed a flickering light off
A further gla nce revealed the distant presence of what l ooked
like a f ri end ly far mhou se up on a little hill. wi t h a renewed sense of ent hu siasm.
This vision f looded Hoove r
But he took only a moment to marvel
at hi s luck. No rm all y, Hoo ve r wo uld have run as fast as he could straig ht toward the inviting beacon.
Bu t this was not an eve ryday sit uation, an d his cur-
rent gl ee co uld no t overwhelm the ap pr ehension br ought abo ut by memo ri es of the wrinkled old lady's lun ch time advice.
Hoover
s lump e~
tle gray Chrysler ' S cockpit and t hought for some time. cult decision to make.
into the lit-
He had a di ffi-
How would he have responded to a stra nger's knock
afte r dark? Upon ca ref ul consideration , Hoove r decided he had no choice but to run as fast as he co uld t oward the illumin ate d farm house in the distance. He rationali zed that this l ig ht was a sig n f rom hi s savior , possibly resembling th e beac on present at the gates of heave n, f rom a purgatory perspec t ive.
So Hoov er abandoned hi s littl e gray Chr ys l er and darted i n the
direction of this unknown reside nce with nothing but the clothes on hi s back an d the briefcase co ntai nin g a sampl e vac uum cleaner.
By chance , this
co uld be an opportunit y to make his fi rst sale. VI
Hoov er was pantin g like a thi rsty dog by the time he got to the front porch of th e farmhouse.
Mother Knows Best I
It had a tin roof, whi t e si ding t hat nee ded to
be painted, and sat on a st ee per hill than Hoover had imagined.
Perhap s
the res i dent s would offer him a ni ce cold gl ass of lemonade. Pr ese ntl y, Hoo ve r raise d his fist and gently rapped three times on the door.
His nerves qui ve red about t he porch i n waiting.
He didn't know
what to ex pect. Moment s l ate r, so und s of somet hin g being unl atc hed disturbed the rhythm of th e crickets and t he front door creaked open.
In t he doorway a
frail elderl y man cast a shadow ac ross Hoover's hop ef ul face .
His skin
was strewn with deep l i nes and spots , and wi re- rim glasses co rr ecte d hi s vision.
Whateve r th e case, the stra ng er had the mo st beautiful face that
Hoove r had eve r see n. "Hello, Sonny, " the old man shouted much l oud er tha n necessary. mu st have bee n hard of hea ri ng.
"Can I help yo u?"
He
Hoover was reli eve d
by the old man' s apparent hospita l ity. "Yes si r-yo u see, I ' m a travelin g vac uum cleaner sa l es man , and I wa s wonde ri ng. "Sure , So nn y, " he int err up ted kindly. you got."
"Come on i n and show me what
Hoove r di dn ' t exac tly know how to react .
Nevert heless , he
obligingly fo ll owed the old man i nto the foyer. In si de, the hou se was like every othe r rural farmhouse in America.
It had wi de hardwood f loo rs in nee d of a goo d, old fashioned mopp ing, lot s of pots, pan s, ti ns and jars on the kitchen shel ves, and a hom emad e wooden rocking chair in the li vi ng room.
Th e hou se also showed signs of a
chi ld 's cl utte r, as Chr ist mas ti me t oys were mi spla ce d in eve ry nook and cran ny.
Th e old man led Hoover to the dinin g table where th ey sat down.
Hoover was caref ul not to sc ratch the floor as he pull ed a chair out from under the tab l e. "Sonny, wo uld yo u li ke a ni ce cold gl ass of l emonade?" aske d t he ol d ma n.
Thi s offer mad e Hoover feel warm allo ver.
It was as if t he ol d
str ange r had re ad his mind! "Oh , yes sir!
You bet yo ur l ife I wo uld! " res ponded Hoover , with
childli ke enthu sias m. The old man smi l ed and turned hi s turtle-like head towa rd the ki t chen. "Chastity, " he ca ll ed.
"Honey, th ere's a li ve , thirsty man out here
tha t needs a ni ce cold gla ss of lemonade. " "OK, Daddy ," Cha stit y shouted ba ck from the kitchen.
Hoo ver had not
ye t see n Chastity, tho ugh he se nse d some mi sc hi ef i n her pouting vo i ce.
Mother Know s Be st II
For a mome nt , Hoover became l ost in a naughty fa nt asy.
Bu t
wide r than eve r in the form of a happy face .
regardless of any va mp-l ike appea l , Hoo ver knew he best keep
plicable se nsatio n as a uniqu e satisfaction flowed all through
hi s plac e.
hi s vei ns.
And to give lurid advances toward the old timer's
daughter wo uld ha ve bee n inappropriate.
He had ju st expe ri ence d hi s first victory as an
official t ra veling vac uum cleaner sa l esman, or so he thought. "Rea ll y, si 1' , thank yo ul " wailed Hoover, f rantically shak-
"Sonny," sa id the old man, regaini ng Hoo ver's atte nti on. "While we' re wai t ing fo r our nice co ld glasses of lemon ade from
ing the old man 's hand.
my lovely dau ght er, yo u ca n tell me a littl e about your vac u-
promise yo u that!"
"Yo u wo n't be di sappoi nt ed.
ca n
Th e old man gave a wordless chu ckle.
VII
um cleane rs?" "Absol utely, si r," Ho over answered.
Ju st afte r the bu si ness dea l , Chastity waddl ed into t he
He lea ned over to
din i ng room carryi ng two nice cold glasses of lemonade.
unlo ck the sample bri efc ase, but sudd enly hes itat ed. All at once, Hoo ve r starte d obsess in g about his li ttl e gray Chr ys l er sitti ng alon e in th e middl e of th e hi ghway.
o
It was an inex-
He
Oddly,
she was dressed li ke a child, tho ugh she must have been close to forty years old.
She wore her greasy hai I' in "pig tails"
wo rr i ed that hi s poor def ensel ess car mi ght be towed away, or
with red ribbon s, and had on a tig ht denim jump sui t.
eve n worse, va ndali ze d.
f ront pocket of this jump suit , she carried a different toy
St ill , the old man's inquiry had been
so goo d- natur ed, and he didn ' t want to dist urb hi s gracio us
dol l.
welcome.
t he other looked like th e Muppet known as Miss Pi ggy.
So Hoov er halfh ea rt edly humor ed the old man by talk-
ing about the produ ct he had for sa l e.
Had he not been so pr e-
One loo ked l ike a Barbie Doll in a wedd in g dress, and
Ind ee d, Chastity's ju ve nil e behavior was the stra ngest
occ upi ed wit h hi s gasless car, he wo uld ha ve bee n delig ht ed
t hin g ever wit nessed by Hoover.
about gi vi ng hi s first sa l es pitch as a licen se d traveling vac-
noti cea bl e thing about her.
uum cleaner sa le sman.
rep Ul si ve uglin ess.
And yet, Hoover tried to do a goo d job.
However , i t wasn't the most
What Hoove r most noticed was her
She was the most disgusting thing Hoover
He told the old man eve ryt hin g he kn ew abou t the product,
had ever see n.
including t he bi t about its lifet i me guara nt ee.
crooke d and stai ned ye ll ow.
In fact,
In each
She onl y had abo ut three teeth , and they we re Her skin was chalky white, and
Hoo ve r di d such a goo d job, th e old man sai d he was go in g to
cove red in hair y moles, oi l y bl emis hes, and cr ust y warts.
purchase a vac uum cleaner.
pal e eyes were too close together, her nose was pointy with a
"Sonn y, " sa id t he old man , l ea ni ng back in his chai r.
"It
bump on it s bridge , and her double chi n was enormo us.
so und s like yo u' re promotin g a on e of a ki nd produ ct, and tak-
matt er of fac t , she was enormous.
ing into acco unt that li fetime guarant ee-well Son ny-yo u' ve just
Chastity was th e size and sha pe of a beached wha l e.
sold yo urself a vac uum cl ea ner. "
requi red a 11 of Hoove 1"
Immediatel y, Hoov er fo rgo t about hi s helpl ess Chr ysler and became intoxicated with gl ee.
The ski n on his face stretc hed
S
Her
As a
Unlik e her frail daddy, And it
remaini ng strengt h not to vomi t all
over the old ra scal. At this point , Ho over ca red about nothing but getti ng out
of that house.
His stomac h wrenched and churn ed, and sweat
rained from his armpits and trickled down hi s rib cage.
But
he wa s afraid to leave wi thout enjoying hi s nice col d gl ass of l emonade.
He was afraid th ese stran ge peo ple mi ght shoot him
to death if he turned hi s no se up at their wa rm ho spitalit y. And a dead man certain l y co uldn ' t se ll any vac uum cl eaners.
So
and turquoi se eye shadow. Oth erwi se , she was completely naked. Fondling her own droopin g udders, she look ed at Hoo ver with a perverse gri n an d lis ped: "See Mister , Daddy and Mommy told me yo u wo uld hel p me mak e a rea l doll ." Hoo ve r desperately wanted to scream, but he co uldn ' t stop
Hoove r gat hered hi s co ura ge, took a dee p br ea th , and drank th e
gagg ing lon g enough to l et out a cry.
whole nice co ld gl ass of lemonade i n one mammot h gulp.
out of the shadow s.
Moments l ater , Hoove r ' s wo rld , the howl ing old man an d hi s heino us daughter, faded to black.
The emp ty l emonad e gla ss
crashed the far mh ouse floor an d poor Hoove r slumped down bes ide t he vac uum clea ner briefcase.
Bot h te rror is t s had wi ld eyes above
awful grins , and carried si milarly sawe d- off shot gun s. "Get to work Sonny' " growl ed the old fiend in a tone of "Make my Ii ttle girl a real doll to play wi th'
I ' m sick of bu yi ng her toys!
Afte r a whi l e, Ho ove r woke up rubbing his eyes. a fierce headac he an d didn't know whe re he was.
Th e wrinkled old lady from the sa ndwich
sto re stood at hi s si de.
calc ul ated evil. VIn
He had
His visio n was
clo ud y, and the ground felt cold, hard, and du sty.
Hoover
Th en th e old man came
Th ey ' re too damned expensive! "
Hoo ver remained speec hl ess and paralyzed in sho ck.
All
eyes we re upon hi s nea rl y co nvul sing frame as an epi sode of har sh si lence fell upon the cellar.
Then , with sudd en fe ro c-
crawled across t he floor unti I he came to a delicat e bed ski rt.
ity , the i ll-mann ered Chastity rel ease d an anal explos i on. The
He leaned his spin e agai nst the bed rail and continued looking
sile nc e had bee n shatt ere d.
aro und t he room.
It see med he was pri soner in a so rt of storm
cel l a r bedroom somewhere in the middl e of Iowa.
Although the
"Cha sti ty, swee theart, " sc olded her agitated Fath er. "That 's not ve ry ladylike!"
lighting was dim from a lone kerose ne lant ern on a bedside
"Oop s ' " she chortl ed.
ta bl e he co uldn ' t help but notic e th e shelve s of toy doll s that
"Ain ' t you a lady?"
enci rcled him.
"Yes Daddy, " li sped the beast again.
From porcelain to pla stic , from the Cabbage
"I ' m a prin cess. "
Patc h to Sesame Street , it was an impressive array of pla y-
"Now what do es my pr i ncess say to her doll makin g prin ce?"
t hin gs.
"Pl ease exc use me Mister ," gigg l ed the wretch.
Dumbfounded, Hoo ve r rubb ed hi s eyes once agai n.
vision cleared a littl e, but th e doll s remaine d.
Hi s
Th en Hoo ver
stood up to fur th er inves ti gate the pu zz lin g surrounding s. All at once, Hoov er managed a bloodcurdlin g gas p, as he
"I ' ve got
gas. " Hoo ve r gave no response. "I apologize , Sonn y. yo u somet im es.
Good hom e cook i n' wi ll do that to
Oh , and by the way , Sonny , that remi nd s me.
was hor rified to see Chas tit y l ying atop the l ace- covere d bed
Seeing as how yo ur littl e gray Chrysler has no gas , we had it
sheets.
towe d to an i mpound lot.
Her sicke nin g face was paint ed heavi l y in red rou ge
But we ' ll make yo u a deal yo u can ' t
refuse.
You ca n have it ba ck when Chastity becomes a real l ife mama.
Hell , I ' ll eve n fill the tank fo r yo u.
Now get on with it."
And
he nudged poor Hoov er with hi s shotgun. Ju st then, clutching her shot gun , the wrinkled old lady f rom the sandwich store stepped forward and sa id in an icy whisper: "I told yo u we didn't like yo ur kind around these part s. " At thi s point , Hoover wished he had ne ve r made a career change. He rea l ize d that hi s lifelo ng dr eam of becoming a bona fide tr avelin g vacuum clean er sa le sman wasn ' t all it had been cracked up to be. He yea rn ed for hi s for mer office, complete with gossi pin g cowo rk ers, florescent light s, and eve n hi s "hot hea d" bo ss.
Lon gi ng for a
tightly t ie d tie to choke hi s throat Hoov er 's ent ir e body brok e into a fit of irr eg ular spa sms. Moment s l ater , somewhere in the middl e of Iowa , gun shots ec ho ed across the fields of grain.
*
Weathering the Storm
Untitled
Flinch Between the walls a sound like a clap only a head was between the hands
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flinch when it come s again with a shout her body drops I hear the red faced tears suffering the carnage of a five sided love a plea an apology repeating it as much as he repeats you bitch My heart
IS
punished
by fear I feel as I remove my ear the reaction to the beautiful face of a woman being crushed.
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Quot es ::I::
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If I had the bal l s to quote myse lf
Lit t l e childr en should fear
With a few so undb ytes
Beca use we're older here
From times when walls came down ,
And beca use we' re co lder here.
Th e t ru th came out ,
So col l ege cy nics talk shit over jazz,
And clarit y showed her face ,
And instead of tryin g to save the world
I wo uld bring yo u to the pla ce
We co njur e secret lavis h fantasies of esca ping,
Where I sai d,
Which is exactly what I was doin g wh en he sai d,
"No fuzzy brown coat
"I th i nk I want to go to Af ri ca sometime,"
Or slou chy woo l sock
As if it was an interjection i nt o an already-
Ca n cover the chill
beg un conversation;
Of growi ng up. "
Or , as if he was reading my thoughts
It's co lder here.
Li ke
wa s re adi ng hi s the other da y
I ' m older here.
When
guesse d that Al Gr ee n sa ng th e song we
Life's pa ssionate flames won ' t smolder here Since life' s sta rk rea lity l ef t boulders here That I have to mo ve to move on,
were hea rin g (To which I l a(e r sa id, "Who the hell is Al Green ,
Move on;
And what do es this all mea n?").
And the weight of that job
So he wants to go to Africa.
Sucks all the excitement from growin g, ex peri
As if Af ric a hold s th e ke y to all that is
encing.
static.
Eac h da y leaves us wincing
A cold wind begi ns again
From mouth- running, word min ci ng
And hov er ing in the si l ence that followed what
Because everything that 's important Gets lo st i n this circus Where we ' re all clowns
he said, Truth rea red her ugl y hea d:
Escaping assuages as fruitlessly
Ready to face regret,
As fuzzy br own coats ,
Rea dy to see what ' s yet to come at dawn
And slouchy woo l socks .
So I can move on, mo ve on
Time ' s on the decline.
Wherever I'm led,
Won ' t rewind
Because I believe in what I ' ve said.
So we can find
I won't hide my thoughts high on a shelf,
That damn line we crossed
And I ' ll get t he balls to quote myself
Before we were lost To be taunted and tossed around By this dirty fate we ' ve
foun~
You left me, and I grew (I hate to say it) Because of yo u. But I got better , a little warmer, Separated the current from the former, Braved the storm, orDidn ' t. Maybe I ' m dwelling. Resting , nesting Regressing, obsessi ng Spooning, cocooning While inevitable change is swooning. I need harpooning To force this butterfly from her safety net. No. I ' m ready to place my bet.
Untitled
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The Se nsible Swinger
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When I crossed her ca re in a stupor ,
"La st ca ll for alcohol! " the tap st er wailed,
flashes of neo n lights forewarned me
as shimm erin g strob es resigned and failed ,
that rubb ing the sul try ga rment s
to further masquera de my blue ribbon pri ze ,
stuck to her slick, tenderized skin ,
ost ra cizi ng the fuzzy hea ded lout ,
should not per suade my own appetite ,
in brillian ce ber eft of musical stroke s,
ami dst the variegate d hun ters.
and the truancy of dej ected hunter s.
It was a pre sump t uou s
So I se ttled to l et thi s slatt ern fo rlorn ,
~nd e rtaking ,
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cove ring me with her chea p perfume,
her horr i d se mblanc e obliging my scorn ,
cl aiming me with her sce nt
a lowl y vision smea red of sulli ed rouge
lik e an overzealo us feline
lumpy from lon g smoking red lip stick
wo rking hard for her anxio us womb
to visco usly shadowed turquoi se maquilla ge
-worki ng hard for mutu al pa ssion.
encircling enamele d eyes of glass.
Her l ec hery amu se d me quite ,
Forthwith I crowed with paltry remor se ,
wit h its dogged hail of mu ch delight ,
"I parr y th e vile, mi sc rea nt course,
so I cl utc hed her minimize d waist ,
proposed by your raw solicitat io ns
groping t he hot meat of her thi ghs,
-for I will not meri t stale advances
redde nin g her hid e with my nails ,
of ca rn al knowledge with yo ur barfly ve nee r' "
humoring her pul si ng hear t.
And I swagge red untainted into the night.
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Arm and Hacker
Puppets ClJ
We sit in a circle on the grass
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swayi ng to the sober sounds
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of cynical people shit-faced with fear raising a little hell a Ii t tIe world where everyone is a slave a slob damn we all want white bread tattoos and beautiful feet when all we have is each other si pping on a cold cup of maybe.
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Th e Br ead of a Saint Dh God. . . the wetn ess . .. th e sti ckine ss ... Lord, my God. .. th e
Th ey des troy your deares t chi ldren, conceive d wi th the gi ft
sin! Forgi ve me Dh God, I ca n' t l et i t go on!
of l ife you have given.
Th e burni ng you show me.
Sil ence . . .
I kn ow the purpose.
No w is my ti me to take them to
your scaffold of judgment.
Th ey l ay in beds of fornicatio n
Mot her and Fath er brought me up properl y i n th e image of
and iHeverence, but I will burn tho se beds, th ey do not
yo ur Grace, to be your agent on this world.
know th e brea d that you have gi ven me, bu t now I am the
That is wha t
keeps me on when those who would seek to des troy me bea t on my brains wi th thei r cold eyes and unh ol y l aught er. yo ur agent Lord and wi ll not fo rsake your purpose.
brea d. .. Dh God, th e wetn ess ...
I am It i s
f or that thing I wi sh th e mo st, for that thing I will stand
"Karl , ge t on th ere. ba cked up waitin g on you
"Ma kin g th e ' South ' s Fin es t Br ea d, ' Mr. Swee ny," Ka rl squ eaked bac k in shame...
them and burn th em and burn th em again and again. Withou t end.
What i n t he hell are yo u
doin g," said th e for eman .
and wither the stones cast on my kn ees to brea k my stance, fo r you th e Son I wi ll no t bend, fo r that thing I will burn
no ~
You got the whole l ine
"Th at 's ri ght. .. uh ... ju st kee p on movi ng now or I ' m goi ng to have t o writ e up a sl i p on yo u, " Swee ny
Th ey teach your children th e things tha t should not be spoken, and they speak it.
Utt erances, mere words,
an swered, pit yi ng the shri ve l ed man that he was force d to ca ll down.
He ha te d to sc old to Karl , who was not a bad
aga in s t your name they sprea d i n the name of sci ence, in
work er ex cept for his occa sional spell s.
It made hi m fee l
the name of progress, in the name of compassion and reas on.
lik e he wa s a child bull yin g a man gy dog.
Karl was not a
They do not kn ow that all of this is du st without the Grace
dog thou gh, and t his was no t a dog pen.
of your eyes upon th eir fee bl e li ves.
and all hi s emplo yees had to ha ve i t t oget her t o get t he
I will change that.
I have sinn ed enough! Wallowing in inact i on has made me part of th em, but I will remain here no l onge r.
No longer
Th is was a factory
job done. Karl cowe red at Swee ny' s res ponse , bu t as t he
will I keep that job, toiling th e bread of my own body away
for eman mo ve d away he sa id a fe w thin gs und er hi s br eat h.
in the facto ry whil e th ey tea r the bodi es of your children.
Kee pin g hi s hand s pl aced down over his pants, he moved i n
skewe d mannerisms out of the main floor to the restroom in the side cor r idor.
God did it to him again , he thought.
Karl caught the bu s hom e. hi s stop came.
It was not long unt il
He stood and was about to get off when he
He was being give n a sig nal, ma ybe for the last time.
He
felt the throbbing of God again.
was being told that if he did not take action he wo uld
su~
wo uld see he pull ed a folded paper out fro m under the hea d
fer.
Karl fe lt that this would be even worse than the
of a slee ping vagra nt.
burning from hi s pants .
The pants were stai ned so he ran some water over them
so it wo uld seem as if an overactive faucet had sprayed hi~
Karl knew that he could not keep hiding hi s mission
from the wo rld.
The man st arted to wak e, but Karl
hopped out the door , placi ng the paper in front of hi s
He slipped into the bathroom and cleaned him se lf off.
Carefully , so no one
Often , his moment s with God would be come
pant s as he walked down the si dewalk of the bu sy st ree t. Hi s eyes remained fixed to the cracks of the pavement as hi s tall and wiry frame towered above. He avoided groping eyes .
At times , passing people in group s, he wished to
glan ce them down and turn them to sa lt with a stare.
Not
so intense that he would go for lon g periods of ' communion '
now thou gh.
when the only thing he could do was grasp at the almighty
soo n approaching.
power.
into the shadow of stairs on a cracke d, red brick building.
Just when it almost overtook him the burning would
set into his loin s.
Karl knew that the burnin g, along with
He was alone now, but th e ri ght mom ent was Karl turned the corner and di sapp ea red
Karl lay i n bed that night wit h a stran ge pai n.
the stickiness, was punishment for failing hi s purpose , and
The burnin g came again.
all he co uld do wa s cower away from the world in shame,
from long ago.
always knowi ng that hi s moment was near.
touched me with hi s hands.
Thi s time he was
He remember ed moment s that came
I was only ei ght years old wh en God first They were not at all what I
lu cky eno ugh to be out alo ne by the wrapper lin e when it
though t hi s hands waul d be like, bu t col d hands tha t some-
happened, but what about next time.
how dripp ed with sweat ... and they touched me... There was no
He could not take the
chance that one of the other workers or even Sweeny him se lf
burning then ... I did not stal't burning until sometime
would see him with God, then he would suffer unima gina ble
later ... but that was the first time I had my first rea l
things for bei ng a failure to the Lord.
feeling of God.
The rest of the eve ning went smoothly.
He fin-
ished the graveya rd shift and helpe d load the trucks.
The
was special.
I knew then, once he touched me, tha t I
He want ed me for this purpose that I ha ve
taken all too long to disco ver.
All children should be
'South's Fines t Bread ' was on the streets and, with any
touched by God like I ha ve been, then they would know tha t
luck, its message would reach tables allover the city by
they are his children and would not be afraid of thi s
breakfas t.
world.
They 1V0uld cas t their eyes away from whore s on the
street and Jews with their filthy skin a.nd the dirty plague
if he had put anything on ba ckwards .
of the Neg ro race.
to feel the pre ss ur e against his l eg again when he to uched
The scourge of homosex ual s would be no
He had not.
He began
threat to their faith then, if they had be en touched as I
the smooth body of the wire as it flowed into the char ge.
have been touched.
He kn ew that thi s wa s God 's way of t elling him that it was
They were not graced with a good father
such as min e to tell them things about the world that only
the right time.
the bl esse d could see.
able.
No one to tell the children about
Inaction at this time would be incon ceiv-
He grabbed th e harne ss of th e device, strapped it to
the fi lth and scum that litt er this 1V0rld. .. my 1V0rld not
a brown leat her belt he had bee n given by his fat her when
for l ong.
he was a young man , and fastened it firmly to
No fa th er.. . my God to touch them the way I was
h ~s
wai st.
to uched by him, and burn the la zin ess hom me as he ha s and
Karl buttoned th e front of hi s sui t and stood tall in front
make my inacUon become action.
of th e mir ror.
It will be soon as God ha s
He boarded the bu s with an air of sup eriority that
made it so... as he has made me.
Karl woke. his eyes . it.
Rippl es of loo se sl ee p drift ed from
This was th e da y of hi s glory.
He could feel
Ri si ng up f rom the bed he sc raped the crust off of hi s
bell y with his fingernails. hi s bes t clothes.
He took a shower and put on
He would not go to the Lord 's palace in
any way lower than he had entered hi s hou se.
I am coming home.
Karl got down
day.
It was unlik e him to ga llop down the ais l e of the bus
like a kni ght sa llyin g to battle , but that day he did.
If
anyone should hav e known him, eve n though no one did, they would hav e remarked on the se nse of co nt rol and air of power that perva ded the face of that wiry man , a bit heal thy i n th e mid- sec tion.
Karl pati entl y sat in the bac k
on hi s knees and pe ered into the depth s of hi s clo se t ,
of th e bu s, in the only remainin g sect ion that was not
to ssi ng out a few old sho es and a box of clipping s from the
taken by the large crowd of inner city women who we re bound
news paper.
for there jobs at fast food resta urant s in the suburb s.
He pulled out God ' s will from a cut-away that
he had chiseled into the dr ywa ll , and plac ed it on the bed He thought that it mi ght be a good idea to check the ' Cookbook ' to make sur e that he had se t up everything right.
thou ght that if th e mom ent ca me but thi s was not th e time.
All th e
gree n wires were connected to the charge and th e other
ye~
it wo uld be no loss ,
He felt the pres sur e on hi s leg
grow dim, and he relaxed for th e remainder of the ride.
If Karl ' s plan di d not work out , he knew th at ther e
woul d be no end to th e pun is hment for hi s failure.
no ~
The bu s arrived at the stop.
After thirty minutes
of bei ng jostled by th e worn out shoc ks of the city bu s, he was there.
He exite d and ca lml y walked down two block s and
low wir es were se t firmly into the sliding lever of the
then turned the corner.
device.
tors on the outside of th e clinic door.
Still he checked again from the ' Cookbook ' to see
He
He look ed at the names of the
do~
"Hop e Hall Cl inic
for Women" it read in modest letters on a hanging sign that 路
the hallway , knocking quickly on two office doors.
crea ked in the slight breeze.
older man and a woman appeared from their offices an d
Karl turned and looked
An
around , the air of the morning was cold, but driving him
looked in shock at Karl, standing in a feverish temper in
was the Grace he knew had chosen him from the beginning.
the lobby.
He ent ered the clinic.
begin to surge to his pant s.
The first tinges of pain were grow-
Karl close d the door and looked around, noticing the bri ght glow of the walls.
There was a receptionist at
the des k speaki ng calmly to a young woman in her twenties ,
childr en, who were distressed at what was happ ening.
He tried to hear what they were
ing, bu t then the pain began.
sa~
They
were alarmed at the sight of Karl as he plac ed hi s hand down to his pants and pulled his zipper down. "Sir, what see ms to be the probl em, " he heard a
one hand out stretc hed and soft ly gripping the curled fingers han~
Turning to glanc e around the
lobby he came across the faces of a woman calming her two
ing i n his belly.
of the woman ' s
He felt the power grow in his belly now and
doctor say over his shoulder. He turned towards the man, who almost instantly
He knew that he had to act
lo st hi s coloring, when he saw Karl unbutton hi s jacket ,
qu ickly. Karl approached the desk and spoke firmly to the receptionis t, "I need to see Dr. Sophron and Dr. Bee ne. " Th e receptionist glared back at him and spoke with an noya nce, "I ' ll be with you in just a moment , sir."
revealing the device attached to hi s growing erection by a thin st rin g.
and they were running to the door when Karl fell the glory of God enter his body.
"Pl ease! Now! My wife was just by here yesterday and I thi nk somet hing is wrong, " he pleaded.
The pain was
The woman grabbed her children by their arms
I am th e finest bread.
Take my body and yo u will
know no grea ter Glory.
The young woman at the de sk opened her mouth
growing wo rse and a slight throbbing began to set upon his
attempting to form a cry, but then God came to take Karl
leg. The receptionist seemed to take notice of this, and was stuck for words for a moment , then replied si ncerely, "You should take her quickly to the emergency room. Th e docto rs don ' t handle things like this. " Karl snapped back at her , hi s lips spraying saliva in a tre mor of rage, "Now!" The woma n was jolted from her seat and ran back to
away.
*
Ca ll Me Gree n
Ne i l Arm stron g might ' ve bee n
The key to li vin ' fi ts a lo ck.
Born on the moon, mig htn' t he.
Tha t i s, New ton i an Phy si cs
Mig ht ' ve save d tim e in th e lon g run you say.
Reli es on th e notion of Newton ' s nai ve t e. You see, he sa id, i f Newt on had bee n
Anywa y, it do es rai se an int eresting qu estio n,
Born at th e Appl e Or chard Inn
I mean if Nei l Arm st rong had bee n bor n there,
What weighs th en th e fa ll en appl e
On th e moo n like Loki
Th e gravit y of th e situat ion
In st ea d of bei ng born where
Is obli vion sma ckin g the wall
He was born and ha vi ng to ge t th ere, To t he moo n l ike th e coyo t e,
(Betwee n ca rp et and ceiling
Then who wo uld ' ve t un ed i n ,
Th e smell of jell y and spr i ng
I mea n turn ed on
Barefee t , tr ees , th e we t wood-l i ke t as t e
Yo u know what I mea n?
Of unrip enn ed apples i n sea and in swe at And th e unimagi ned int ersec tion
Bu t about Nei l Arm st ro ng
Betwee n t he moons of Ve nns
Who may as we ll ' ve bee n bor n there,
And Ne il Ar mst ron g' s di sc overy of cheese
On th e moo n
Wh ere nothin g is and th en is),
Like we use d to say of my un cl e Leo,
Th is i s what I 've l earn ed of se x and ge ometr y.
And land ed here A stra nger i n whit e sui t and spi nnin g
Und er th e floor the door i s paint ed sky
Light spun up about his mid regio n
Th e Key mu st be a key,
Well that ' d be somethin g t oo.
Th e Lock mu st be locked, Becau se salmon don ' t swim down str eam.
Whi ch br i ngs me to Alb ert Ei nst ei n rel ati ve l y spea ki ng Who might we l l have bee n hea rd to say
Whi ch brin gs me to un cl e Leo
Of these t hi ngs :
Who wa s born knowi ng eve rythin g.
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poem zero minu s negativ e one He was made of thick skin.
leaving the gho sts of Spring iri ses
She knew the measured inches of it,
bloomin g upon her face hi s well- t ended ga rden.
where it st retched or sagged, where wrinkles splintered the corners of gray eyes.
He was mad e of thick ski n
The burnished husk 's
and to come upon a new scar,
treacherous audacity,
a l es ion ,
spec kled with fine sa ble down
was shocking.
sheathing serpentine rop es of tight mu sc le ,
The diamond shape d welt,
shoulder blade knobby with demolition;
the raised scar l et surf ace
an exhaust- pipe scar ,
puffy with infection and
a wa te ry ta ttoo-
the deficie nc y of hi s machi smo.
testaments of manhood.
s urroundi~ g
A divot of skin , femin in e.
He was made of thick skin:
A bristly bea st mad e woman,
artist's hands ,
hairle ss and wounded;
tapered fingers
maidenh ea d-
str oked the strings of a Spanish guitar,
supple, benevolent , delicat e,
produced swollen purple flesh
impoten 1.
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Perseverance
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Gh as tl y Oh, si ste r It ' s horribl e, me and you like ston es se t too clo se to ge th er alwa ys we wonder whic h out shin es th e other bu t I 've go t a sec ret left und er your pillow und er your willow tre e I kept the se two thin gs one is th e knif e I 've pri ed f rom my spin e the oth er th e silk ribbon you wor e that gray ni ght beca use I know that des tin y ca n rh yme with hypocri sy and you and I are horrible ghas tl y in white side by side in moth er 's fav orit e photograph hangin g in th e hallway mov in g down th e highway s wait i ng for the other to falter, so we can both come home at la st.
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Edi tor ial Staff . Editor
Supporting Staff Jason Aldred
Josh Hagan
Andy Ashby
Manal:inl: Editor
Charles Booth
Cara Polinski
Emily Christianson
Graphic Desil:ner
Joe Cote
Katie Daniel
Forrest DeMarcus
Assistant Graphic
Jen Hamilton
Desil:ner
Shannon Leggett
Ande Campbell
Rob Mahurin
On-line Editor
Elissa May
Khai Nguyen
Alissa Nesbitt
Art Editor
Evie Rawling s
Courtney Watson
Richard Riley
Fiction Editor
Gina Shrieves
Pune et Sharma
Jodie Simpson
Non-fiction Editor
Nina Small
Neal Maynord
Robyn Victory
Poetry Editor
Fred Grim
Faculty Advisors Jane Pope Eric Smith
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o Tl.e Pho or r
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o Š copyright 1999 by the Universit y of Tenn essee. All right s re se rved by the individual contributors. Phoenix is prepared camera- rea dy by the st udent st aff member s and is publi shed three times a year. Works of art, po etr y, fiction , and non- fiction are acce pt ed throughout th e academic ye ar. Send submi ss ion s to Phoenix, room 5 Communications Building, 134 5 Circle Park Dr ive , Kno xvi ll e, Tenne ssee 37996- 0314.
Th e Phoenix would like to ex tend special thank s to Jan e Pope, Eric Smith , Linda Graham, Karen Bayl ess, and Debbi e Tappan for the i r valuable assistance in produ ction of thi s issue.