Kinks and co

Speaking to Vertigo after the panel discussion, Mistress Tokyo discussed the need for mandatory consent conversations in both her personal and professional life.

“Consent is essentially the way that we can map our journey into a kink experience together. BDSM is where we often hand over our power or agency to another person. Without consent, BDSM could be construed as abuse or abusive,” she says.

Tokyo states that consent is not tacit and isn’t something that should be taken for granted in any type of relationship. Charting the activities of BDSM, as they may push personal boundaries, is essential.

“When we come out of that experience [we want to have] had the most cared for, most loved, most supported, most conscientious, most emotionally intelligent, and most beautiful experience possible,” she says.

Mistress Tokyo’s Mindful Consent Model (2021) was brought to the forefront of conversation during and after the panel. Inspired by Betty Martin’s ‘Wheel of Consent,’ Tokyo maintains that the Mindful Consent Model is accessible and designed for normal human interaction, while the former model is more complex and unintuitive.

Zain Warsi stated that the panel talk gave them an opportunity to destigmatise and educate university students on BDSM and fetishes, including the misconceptions surrounding fetish communities.

“I think one of the biggest misconceptions is that it’s all either very sexual or that people who are involved in the fetish community have a certain persona, but honestly, behind all that gear, is a paramedic, is a primary school teacher, is a vet,” he says. On the panel-talk, he likened leather to being a part of their identity.

“It’s honestly like a second skin. The way it feels, both physically and emotionally, it does give you a sense of belonging –it gives you that confidence that empowers you,” he says.

Warsi says that winning the Sydney Mr. Leather 2023 competition would mean more credibility and a platform for them to advocate for the leather community.

Thomas Seggie also spoke to the misconceptions that surround people in the fetish community, as brought into the spotlight on his podcast The Kink Kloset. In The Kink Kloset, he asks a member of the fetish community to “Tell me who you were before you were a fetish person.” Despite this being a simple question, Seggie says it is hard to answer.

“It encourages people to think about their own journeys and the steps they’ve taken to get to where they are today,” he says.

He sees an overarching theme of people beginning with a curiosity to explore that side of them.