Chapter 1: Incel

Tobias had never been one for manscaping. He saw it as an incursion on his masculinity. However, concluding that getting laid was more integral to his virility, he sacrificed this touchstone. But, where a cut rendered other spiders chic and cultivated, Tobias was only really further degraded by his efforts. Patchy and coarse, Tobias now possessed the vulgarity of someone far too deprived to attract. It is often argued that spiders are less pests than servants to their ecosystem. Tobias disproved these academic ramblings. Despite being his subservient instinct, he was well and truly a sex pest. He hated the female, and even more so the alpha male. Tarantulas were swingers these days, with seemingly endless stores of web fluid. Safe to say, Tobias hadn’t spun a complete web in months, though the occasional strand was honest work! But he knew it would take more than a rogue thread to capture a moth or a fly, much less the eye of a lover. Eight eyes would always find eight other places to look.

Oh, how he longed to be called daddy long-legs as was his birthright, and yet he couldn’t even solicit a onenight rodeo in the red-back district, and everyone knew those whores would bite even the dustiest bottom. After several months of attempting to woo some other Araneae desperado, Tobias had had enough of this futile lusting. He needed time away from the hustle-and-bustle of it all.

So, he tore down what feeble strands he had left in his corner of the garage and ventured inside under the guise of night. Tobias arrived at a bedroom. Perched over a pink bed, Tobias found solitude atop an ornate mahogany wardrobe. The dust accumulated there was of a similar consistency to the webs he had perved being spun by the backyard spider-chads. They were a substitute cushion for the failed arachnid to lie on. Accordingly, Tobias lied too, if just to himself, that they were his own web.

Amidst the dust, a bygone girlish sock became Tobias’ sleeping bag. Its embroidered princesses caressed him in his sleep creating a delirious orgy for the lonely spider. He slept well in it…