Pelican Volume 90 Edition 3 - GOLD

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WORDS WITH DEAN HANSEN FROM BALL PARK MUSIC I DOWNLOADED TINDER GOLD SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO AN INVESTIGATION INTO THE GOLDEN KEY SOCIETY

Booladarlung I Edition 3 I Volume 90. I May 2019 I EST. 1929

GOLD

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STANDING COMMITTEE ON ENVIRONMENT AND PUBLIC AFFAIRS Inquiry into children and young people on the sex offenders register – is mandatory registration appropriate?

The Standing Committee on Environment and Public Affairs has commenced an inquiry into mandatory registration of children and young people on the Community Protection Offender Register (known as the sex offenders register) in accordance with the Community Protection (Offender Reporting) Act 2004.

In particular, the Committee will consider the following: (a) the current criteria for registration on the sex offenders register; (b) the advantages and disadvantages of mandatory registration; (c) circumstances that may not warrant mandatory registration; (d) the approach employed by other jurisdictions; (e) any other matters considered relevant by the Committee.

The Committee invites written submissions from interested persons. A submission must address the Committee’s terms of reference, which is to inquire into the above matter.

Your submission should also include any requests to: • appear before the Committee in support of your submission • keep all or part of your submission private, including if you would like to keep your identity confidential.

ev.sor.190410.med.001.ma (A750602)

Submissions received after 4:00pm on Friday, 24 May 2019 are unlikely to be considered.

Once your submission has been sent to the Committee it is confidential and you should check with the Committee before you disclose it to others. Further information about the form and content of submissions can be obtained from the Committee Office or viewed on the Parliament’s website at: www.parliament.wa.gov.au (Choose Committees/Legislative Council Guide to Making Submissions to a Parliamentary Committee).

For inquiries, or lodging submissions, contact: Maddison Evans Committee Clerk Standing Committee on Environment and Public Affairs Legislative Council Parliament House, GPO Box A11, PERTH WA 6837 Telephone: 9222 7404 Email: env@parliament.wa.gov.au Hon Matthew Swinbourn MLC Chair

PRES SOPHI SUSI TORIAL ITORIAL

Hey good looking, I hope that you enjoy reading this edition of Pelican – thank you to all the talented writers and artists who have contributed and to the always lovely and always witty Peli editors S&S! And yes, it’s that time of the month when I try and stay relevant and pepper in some nuggets of gold about the Guild.

There’s been a lot going on with Access Week, Marr Danju Week, SCREW Week, launching the Indigenous Strategy, and Fringe Festival (which is just around the corner as I write this). We’ve also been putting some more emphasis on our comms recently with more regular updates and video content.

What do you think? Let me know at president@guild.uwa.edu.au.

Good luck for your exams.

Remember, this semester isn’t going to be the ‘be all and end all’ of your life. Take care of yourself and look out for your friends. xx Conrad

Fun fact about gold: nearly half the gold ever mined has come from one place.

Fun fact about me: I got a puppy this month and she is just the most gorgeous thing in the entire world.

TORIAL

“Keep a gold chain on my neck, Fly as a jet, boy, better treat me with respect” - BROCKHAMPTON, ‘GOLD’ If all that glitters, is not gold, then it might be true that what is gold, does not always glitter. Often, we think that all the big moments in our lives are the only moments worth celebrating.

However, I trust there was a time you felt golden but didn’t tell anyone about it. The rising tide of feelings that make your stomach feel like a butterfly conservatory. That feeling of unbelievable luck. The grin that hurts your cheeks. It’s writing messages to yourself on the back of photos in frames that only you will ever read. It’s realising you are safe here. It’s night times on hilltops with friends under stars. It’s new music releases from your favourite bands. It’s good hugs, better tea and homemade brownies. It’s friends coming to your rescue in time of need. It’s packages in the mail arriving on time. It’s learning from mistakes. It’s business hours. It’s working with good people in your group assignment. It’s the first time you hold hands in public.

It’s the reminder that things felt good once and that they will feel good again.

You just have to trust it, whatever it may be. It’s your self-care routine. It’s whatever, or whoever you’re thinking about right now. Take these moments, hold them to your heart and treasure them like the precious metals they are. Be selfish with these memories and keep them just for you. Take them out carefully from their box and polish them in times of need as reminder of how wonderful things can be. Stay golden, dear friend and thank you for reading.

Sophie

I’m a chronic ‘paster’ and ‘futurer’.

My mind seldom is in the present. So please excuse me while I sip tea with Simone De Beauvoir, and pine for the ‘golden ages’ of music when Lou Reed wrote one great masterpiece after the next. And when I’m not excavating the past, I’m probing the future. Which, at times, can feel like standing before a whirling tornado of impending deadlines, decisions and disaster. Whose hands will our country’s future be in, come May 18th? How many more animals will be extinct by 2050? I’m fearing exams like White Walkers and fantasising about Pelican’s exquisite next edition. But the past is an untouchable apparition and, I confess, I’m no soothsayer when it comes to predicting the future. So, I suppose I’m much better off saving my brainpowers to savour the present. The here and now. Yes, I can berate the tragic fact that I’m studying late at Uni, on a Friday night, but I can’t help but crack a smile at the orange-gold spectacle of the sun disappearing over the Swan River. I’ll never be able to declare with 100 per cent certitude where I’ll be a week, a year, or even a month from now. But with warm cocoa on my lips, I’m okay with that because I know that this precise moment, this moment is sweet.

Life’s treasures are always right here to be found. Although each monotonous day may feel like we’re laying bricks to get to some undiscovered destination, we’re all on the road to our own meanings of success. And one brick at a time, each precious moment of now, we’re paving, paving our futures with gold.

Susie

HEAD EDITORS:

CONTRIBUTORS:

SOPHIE MINISSALE SUSANNAH CHARKEY

AVA CADEE, X

X = Words, O = Art ELOISE SKOSS, X CELINE STROBECH, X

SUB EDITORS: ARTS: AIMEE DODDS & STIRLING KAIN CAMPUS NEWS: CAMERON CARR DIVERSITY: ELIZA HUSTON & ELANOR LEMAN FASHION: MAJA MARIC & SAMUEL WORLEY

LIBBY BEVIS, X PARIS JARVID, X THOMAS PAPARO, X JOSHUA WONG, X ALYSSA TANG, X PAULINE WONG, O CONNOR BROWN, X

FILM: THOMAS TANG & DOMINIC KWACZYNSKI

DOMINIC KWACZYNSKI, X

LIFESTYLE: AVA CADEE & ELOISE SKOSS

ALEX HOCKTON, O

LITERATURE: ASHA COUCH

& LAURENT SHERVINGTON

IZZY BURNS, O

MUSIC: PATRICK ROSO

EMMA FORSYTH, X

POLITICS: JACOB MITCHELL

SAM WORLEY, X

SCIENCE: ZOE CASTLEDEN

& LACHLAN MACRAE

LAURENT SHERVINGTON, X

TECHNOLOGY AND GAMING: BAYLEY HORNE

RACHEL DENHAM-WHITE, X

MAJA MARIC, X

LIAM DOCHERTY, X THOMAS TANG, X EAMONN KELLY, X SAM BEARD, X JULIET KERRELL-VAUGHAN, X

WANT TO JOIN THE PELICAN TEAM? DROP US A LINE AT THE CONTACT DETAILS BELOW! pelicanmagazine.com.au/

IAN TAN, X MAX SILBERT, X CATE TWEEDIE, X LEENA ADEL, X ALEX SCASSERRA, X JORDAN SORESI, X ISABELLE YUEN, X

fb.com/PelicanMagazine @pelicanmagazine pelican@guild.uwa.edu.au

COVER ART ELLA WYLYNKO, @WYLYNKO DESIGNED BY XANDER SINCLAIR

The views expressed within this magazine are not the opinions of the UWA Student Guild or Pelican Editorial Staff but of the individual artists and writers.

The Pelican team acknowledges that the UWA Campus is located on the lands of the Whadjuck people of the Noongar nation who are the original storytellers and custodians of their land.

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CONTENTS 3 Editorials and Presitorial 4 Contributor and Sub Editor List FEATURES 6 Letters to the Editors Art by Pauline Wong 8 Aunts in Agony Ava Cadee and Eloise Skoss Art by Pauline Wong 38 Irish Car Bomb Eamon Kelly 46 Unlocked: Opening the Door to the Golden Key Jordan Soresi 50 What’s Your Perth Indie Band Name?

LIFESTYLE 16 I Downloaded Tinder Gold So You Don’t Have To Ava Cadee 17 Grandma’s Golden Rules Collaborative 49 Joys of Retail Alex Scasserra DIVERSITY 10 Voluntourism: should you pass on this golden opportunity?

Celine Strobech FASHION 28 Influential Designers You’ve Never Heard Of Emma Forsyth 35 Just because stars glitter does it mean they are gold Maja Maric TECHNOLOGY AND GAMING 20 Gaming’s Golden Oldies and Where to Find Them Joshua Wong 36 My Golden Time With Pokemon HeartGold Max Silbert

LITERATURE 24 ‘The Pearler’ Connor Brown Image by Alex Hockton 25 ‘Half a Teaspoon of Gold’ Isabelle Yuen Image by Alex Hockton 31 Interview w/ Tony Hughes D’Aeth Interview by Laurent Shervington 33 The Star of Capricorn Connor Brown Image by Alex Hockton ART 27 ‘Golden’ (series) Izzy Burns 37 ‘Hidden Gold’ of Artist Run Initiatives Sam Beard MUSIC 12 Words with Dean Hansen of Ball Park Music Interview by Libby Bevis 34 (Au)ditory Elitism: The Cost of Classical Musicianship Cate Tweedie FILM 22 Disney’s Golden Age: The 90s Renaissance Alyssa Tang 44 The Movies of 1999: A Golden Year for Cinema Collaborative POLITICS 18 Escaping Entrapment: Navigating Thucydides Trap in the 21st Century Thomas Paparo 42 Topping Trump: Can Anyone Save American Conservatism?

Ian Tan 48 Sudan and Algeria Deliver A Message Leena Adel SCIENCE 14 How Not to Make Gold Paris Javid

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LETTERS TO FORREST HALL STAGE 2: THE FUTURE OF EVEN MORE

WHO’S AFRAID OF GUILD ELECTIONS?

I am outraged to learn that UWA got approval to construct another ugly brown box on the Matilda Bay foreshore. How Forest Hall 1 got approved in the first place is beyond me. Why build on natural beauty? Why block this a stunning views vantage from this beautiful corner of the river bank? What truly makes my blood boil is the fact that this six-story high accommodation was originally intended to be next to St George’s College, away from the river, on the opposite side. That would have been a far better option. What a massive mistake.

Matilda Bay not only holds extraordinary ecological value but is a culturally significant and sacred area to the traditional owners of the land. It’s a beautiful place that deserves to be protected. Forest Hall is a building that has no respect for nature, conservation or ecological harmony. It is an eyesore and disrespects the natural beauty of the land. And all for the sake of funding research projects? Maybe the University should invest in research sustainable buildings designs. I fear what this approval has opened the door to. What will happen when further accommodation is needed? Will even more Forest Halls continue to be built on the bank? In 2030 will we no longer be able to overlook the stunning expanse of the beautiful of Matilda Bay from UWA? It’s time we spoke up and stop this appalling environmental travesty before it’s too late. Before 2021, UWA should learn from this mistake and build Forest Hall 2 could where Forest Hall 1 was meant to be.

Guild Elections are the scariest time on campus, as keen bean hacks invade your personal space and people you’ve only spoken to once eerily treat you like you are besties. People actively avoid areas on campus as not to be ambushed by shouty people holding flyers. Even when you do go to vote, you’re bombarded by people shoving things in your face, and usually, candidates have to organise a time where they can ‘shield’ you from all the other Guild hopefuls. Honestly, elections have got to the point where they alienate students from the Guild especially for those not heavily involved in campus life.

These elections are often one of the very few interactions they have with the Guild, and in my opinion, they are an overall negative experience. I believe that the Guild does good work for students, and when not engaged in party politics, is effective and cares about students.

However, all of this is undermined during elections, when candidates, spurred on by their respective parties, put on a severely fake persona exuding an aura of ‘I’m being nice to you so you vote for me’, so false that it’s laughable. Who even knows if any of the current parties are actually capable of some genuine sincerity, they certainly haven’t shown any recently. The Guild would be much more effective with outreach if it didn’t scare everyone away during elections.

Regards, Not a Guild Hack

Yours truly, A Citizen of Mother Nature

MATILDA BAY IN 2030…

Art by Pauline Wong

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FACT: Join the Pelican Party. We go all night.

THE EDITOR 178 KG OF GOLD

DON’T PUNISH MY INDEPENDENCE

Hello Dear,

Am I the only person still mad about 12-week semesters? As a student with a full-time loading and rent to pay the extra work makes a huge difference to my weekly schedule and is an extra weight I could do without. Whenever I talk to staff about the workload being too much for 12 weeks, they say I should just stop working or become a part-time student. Firstly, some people have to work to be able to pay for their own textbooks, stationery, fuel, groceries, utilities, phone bill and Wi-Fi. Unfortunately living in the modern age of worker exploitation it’s not reasonable for us to simply get shifts covered when our bosses can fire us or verbally abuse us at a moment’s notice. I understand that for a lot of people, having your workload slightly increased isn’t too big a deal. But for some us, we can’t keep up with the new expectations. When will the Uni stop punishing students for the costs of independence?

Why won’t the Uni actually take into account what’s best for the students without the support network of wealthy parents a couple of stops away on the Freo line.

I honestly can’t believe that everyone’s just accepted 12-week semesters and moved on, I’m disappointed in the lack of consideration towards the most vulnerable students on campus, the students that due to extra financial commitments are the most under the pump all the time.

My name is, Miss Adab Elisa Essame.

I’m contacting because I want to be your friend and confide in you because I have in my possession now 178.73 kilograms of Gold Bars, Quality: 22carat, that I inherited from my late mother which I want to ship to your country and sell for investment in your country because I want to leave Cote d’Ivoire and relocate to your country to continue my education in your country.

I want you to stand by me as my tutor and ship this Gold Bars to your country and sell for investment in your country. Note that I am writing you this email purely on the ground of trust because I don’t know you and we have not met before. I found you here and my mind convinced me that I can trust you.

Waiting to hear from you, Miss Adab Elisa Essame.

TAV IS LOVE, TAV IS LIFE Why aren’t more people talking about the lunch special at the Tav?! For 10 dollars, that’s 10 dollars you get a pizza, chips and a drink! For the cost of an original boost with protein powder you can get a two-course meal accompanied by a beverage of your choice. And it’s every day, I honestly don’t understand why more people aren’t getting around this. Maybe we need to put this into perspective, two medium soy cappuccinos with extra choc from Reid or a WHOLE PIZZA, CHIPS AND A DRINK. Come on people, wake up and literally taste the savings.

See you at the Tav!

Sincerely, disappointed Commerce Student

Love, Enthusiastic Tav-Goer

GOT LOTS TO SAY BUT NO ONE TO LISTEN? WRITE TO US! Are you outraged with the opinions in this magazine? What makes your blood boil at UWA? We want to hear it! Send us your campus rants, witty whinges and outrageous confessions. pelican@guild.uwa.edu.au I fb.com/PelicanMagazine I @pelicanmagazine

FACT: All UWA Guild Hacks are ‘capable DJs’.

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AUNTS IN AGONY Eloise Skoss and Ava Cadee

Dear Aunts in Agony,

Hey there Aunts in Agony,

I think I’m in love….with my lecturer! He’s just so smart, and friendly, and handsome. He is a real gentleman from another era- literally, he is probably pushing seventy. I haven’t missed a single lecture, and while my parents are lauding my commitment to my studies, in reality my crush is spinning my life out of control. I have lost all ability to concentrate, I just stare longingly ahead as he reads straight off the PowerPoint slides. When his poorlydelivered joke with an outdated meme reference falls on confused ears, I laugh uproariously amidst the deafening silence in the lecture hall. When I’m not in his class, I find myself just gazing at his UWA staff profile, imagining my future with him. Am I wrong for feeling this way? How do I quash the burning fire of desire that is within me?

Should I? Help!

I am in a bit of a tricky situation. You see, I was having a good night at the Tav with some mates- few jugs were definitely had, and before I knew it, midnight struck, and it was time to go home. Me and the lads walked back to college through the campus, and I decided, for a laugh, to try catch a peacock and take it home with me. The boys were egging me on as if I was Fraser bloody Anning, so I chased this bird around and managed to secure it firmly in my hoodie, it was total class, you shoulda been there! The only problem was the next morning I woke up to this strange bird in my bedroom, squawking about like you wouldn’t believe! I don’t know what to do with it- the novelty has well and truly worn off, but I don’t want to get expelled for stealing the Uni’s sacred emblem! HELP ME!

Regards

Sincerely,

What’s up Doc

Peacock-up

Dear What’s up Doc,

Oh no Peacock-up!

You seem to have found yourself in a serious predicament. Not only is the object of your desires completely out of the loop when it comes to memes (how are you supposed to tag each other in everything you see on Facebook in order to publicise your relationship?), there is definitely the issue of legality standing in the way here. The best way to get over your crush is to simply send this man an email. Make it as detailed and personally invested as you possibly can.

Send him your drafts, your thoughts, your hopes, your dreams, perhaps even ask a couple of favours. Spend hours excruciatingly proofreading it in order to make sure it is as polite and friendly as it can possibly be. Then and only then, should you send it. Once you receive nothing but a,

What an unfortunate mishap. The peacock is one of the most beautiful birds on campus – second only to the majestical pelican of course. You really have left yourself out of options. The only thing left to do is carry out a guerrilla-style mission in which you release this fantastic fledgling back into the wild. Don your best balaclava and wait until the cover of darkness before you begin your mission. Then lead the peacock back to its humble Arts Building home with a trail of breadcrumbs. If anybody asks what you are doing, simply say you are a zoology student that got lost on an excursion. After all, who knows what the hell Zoology students do anyway? Good luck on your mission!

‘Thanks’

Your Aunts

In insufferable agony,

Sent from my iPhone, in response, the illusion will be shattered. This is a surefire way to get over your crush as once you realise they don’t care about you at all, there will be no going back.

In agony,

Your Aunts

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FACT: Drones have now been added to the list of exam venue contraband.

Art by Pauline Wong

Yo Aunts in Agony,

Dear Aunts in Agony

In light of the recent spate of campus party cancellations, I am having a major crisis! I don’t even know who I am anymore if not the affable, yet somewhat arrogant party attendee who is not on the committee of any club but is “hell good mates” with the exec and dishes out thoughts and suggestions accordingly. I personally identify as a bit of a loose unit, and the death of campus culture is also going to be the death of the whole identity I constructed for myself after I left high school and I am filled with more existential dread than a My Chemical Romance album. How do I go about life in the wake of all this loss? How do I get a new DP when there are so few events with paid photographers? What do I do with the LA Lakers jersey I bought specifically for Frat party? How do I scrape together some semblance of an actual personality without relying on double-parked red cups of cheap beer as a social crutch?

I have been having a lot of weird and overwhelming thoughts lately and I don’t know to do about them! I keep having vivid sexual fantasies about being trapped in the Reid elevator- not with anyone else, just me in the enclosed passage with little air or light. I was in the elevator the other day and the doors took a few seconds longer than normal to open when it reached the third floor, and I swear I could feel the blood pulsating through my body as my heart raced and my palms prickled with sweat. Do I need help?

Help me!

Hi Elevated!

Sincerely,

Thank you so much for reaching out to us! It seems as if you are coming to terms with an aspect of your sexuality you may not have been in tune to before, and that is perfectly healthy! While we have never come across the particular fantasy of being trapped in the Reid elevator before, what you are feeling may be a form of claustrophilia- i.e. sexual arousal from tight and confined spaces. We encourage you to do some research, maybe being able to label these things will normalise it in your mind and help reduce your associated feelings of guilt and embarrassment. We also encourage you, if you want, to gently explore your fantasies, however we would recommend trying to see if other dark, confined spaces will also do the trick, as the public nature of the Reid elevator could be problematic, and public sexual acts are a sure-fire way to get PAM’d at the library.

Legen…wait for it….dairy

What up dude?! Yo, that totally sucks about campus culture, man. What are you supposed to do now?

Actually study? No. That would be ridiculous. Instead, it’s time to turn your focus to the real party on campus. *Networking Events* This may sound a bit naff, but trust me, after one cocktail night you will never go back. I mean, what could be more enjoyable than donning your best business casual clothes (after spending hours contemplating what actually constitutes as business casual) and shaking hands with strangers all night.

You’ll be left with sweaty palms and plenty of LinkedIn connections. Use your newfound networking abilities to get yourself places in life rather than wasting your days drinking lukewarm cider at club sundowners.

Please advise, Sincerely, Elevated feelings

In excruciating agony,

Your Aunts

In total agony,

Your Aunts

FACT: Next year, Pelican will become a subsidiary of Rupert Murdoch.

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VOLUNTOURISM: SHOULD YOU PASS ON THIS GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY? Celine Strobech

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FACT: 1 in 6 Arts Majors are secretly furries.

The term ‘voluntourism’ has many negative connotations.

So much so, that voluntourists themselves prefer other designators such as ‘international volunteers’ or ‘volunteers without borders’. But what makes the word ‘voluntourism’ so undesirable? Is it because portmanteaus are cliché? More than likely it is because the term reminds us that volunteering internationally is not entirely altruistic – there is a tourist aspect to it.

If you read the academic literature on the subject it becomes apparent that there’s an entire ‘he-said-shesaid’ clusterfuck of what makes a good voluntourist.

People that have partaken in international volunteering programs are quick to designate themselves as volunteers and to construct others as tourists who did some volunteering. All-in-all, it seems like a case of “the lady doth protest too much, methinks.” People are very quick to moralise their own behaviour and to condemn others for objectively alike actions. Perhaps this relates to the age-old sentiment that we often dislike people who we are similar to because they remind us of our flaws.

Typically, voluntourists are Western, middle-class and well educated (but unskilled – sorry, knowing English and having free time doesn’t really count). Many are university students who are aware of the critiques of voluntourism as a product of out-dated development discourse and a form of neo-colonialism. Yet, they choose to go anyway! Is it because they’re so arrogant that they believe they’ll volunteer in such a way that’s beneficial in the grand scheme of the world? If so, it’s cool, I get it... everyone is the hero, or White Saviour, of their own story and a lot of people think they have the potential to make a positive difference.

Our cultivated network is increasingly infiltrated by employers under contracts and company policies that stipulate ‘employees must disclose all their social media accounts’ and to ‘please be aware that all posts on social media reflect on the company’. On a personal level, I’d like to be able to apply for retail jobs without having to link my Instagram; I can see where this is heading and no I don’t want to be judged on my virtual popularity (or lack thereof), nor do I want to be railroaded into micro influencing your business should I get the job.

Social media is increasingly blurring the line between work and personal life, including personal development practices like volunteering. Furthermore, voluntourism opportunities are advertised online using language appealing to personal growth, discovery, and lifechanging opportunities. Notions of being involved in a community of like-minded individuals and becoming a global citizen are also played upon. Voluntourism is not so much about shopping for a remote destination and cause, but also about buying your way to a favourable cosmopolitan identity.

So, should you pass on the golden opportunity of volunteer tourism? Despite my colourful rant, I think it’s a viable option. What I dislike about it is the moralising that so often accompanies it. It’s a necessary (lesser) evil for some to diversify their portfolios in an attempt to stand out from the bunch. I mean, employers think it looks great, clearly! Whether specific modes of being a voluntourist are good or bad is debatable but what’s clear is that it’s seen as good for one’s reputation and self-growth. So why not make the most of it, it’s hard enough to get a job and stand out as is. Just don’t be pretentious about it.

I’m not really convinced that arrogance is the answer, though. There is something that compels young people to volunteer internationally in spite of all the reasons why they should not. That something could be as insidious as social media. We’ve all seen it – the old high-school friend feeling #blessed surrounded by a classroom of ‘orphans’ in [insert developing nation here]. In the ugly real world, the orphans may or may not be true orphans but rather children used to attract volunteer programs.

But on social media, the picture is DP worthy like-fuel.

Looks great on your Tinder profile and will pop up when prospective employers do a casual browse of your public socials to make sure you’re company material. There’s a nice little positive feedback loop right there.

Of course, it’s wrong to say social media is the reason why people volunteer internationally. This practice has been going on long before the internet and Web 2.0.

However, social media is a quantifiable arena of digitised human behaviour full of people trying to increase their vanity metrics. Self-branding has always come down to reputation. The internet has just opened up another facet of life through which people can construct themselves and be judged by.

We are truly living in a reputation economy where certain practices boost your cultural capital - and volunteer tourism is one of them. And where better to document your volunteer tourism experiences than on your social media profiles? Increasingly, our personal social media accounts are being treated like CVs and in some cases, they become the company property of our employers. Ergo, we use social media to portray idealised versions of ourselves for personal and professional reasons.

FACT: Drinking the Reid library moat water: Safe for ducks, animals and vegans

11

PLAY BALL: WORDS WITH

DEAN HANSON

OF BALL PARK MUSIC Interview by Libby Robbins Bevis

Libby Robbins Bevis spoke with guitarist Dean Hanson from Ball Park Music about touring life, new music and the importance of networking at university.

With their fifth studio album and upcoming regional tour, you can catch these indie rockers in Perth on the 2nd of June as they take the stage for At First Sight.

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FACT: GPA stands for Glorified Pain in the Ass.

(Libby): You’re coming off the back of your fifth studio album Good Mood, which was nominated for three Aria Awards, won Triple J’s Album of the Year, and also featured entries in the Hottest 100 this year. How does it feel knowing that five albums in your music is still being enjoyed and connecting with people?

(Dean Hanson): Yeah, it’s really good. Something we think about a lot, since the beginning of our career, one of the things that was most important to us was to try and make sure we could stay around for as long as possible. To still be here five albums in, we’re achieving what we set out to do which feels great.

LB: Speaking of, you’re currently in the process of writing your next album?

LB: How important is touring for you guys, especially to small regional towns that don’t see a lot of live music?

DH: Yeah, we’ve been writing it a fair bit in the last few months and have a few demos down. It’s always something we didn’t plan to start that quickly. But it tends to happen when the ideas are flowing, don’t want to hold them back.

DH: It’s the best. It’s honestly such a good time. Just from our perspective, it’s great because when you’re growing up and want to be a musician and be in a band, the touring that you dream of it’s not necessarily the kind of capital city shows where you roll in and roll out and you’re on a plane. You’re busy all the time and the pressure of going into these huge venues, it’s a bit scary.

LB: Do you feel any pressure with this one considering how well the last one has done?

DH: Kind of, it’s sort of hard to describe. I think when the last one goes really well when you get to the sixth album, having the fifth one go as well as it did make us feel a little less pressure. I think if Good Mood didn’t get received so well we’d be going through the next one thinking this has got to save our career. So, we’d be sitting there going ‘well maybe if the next one is terrible, we’d be saying the seventh one has to save us”, so we’ll try to avoid that.

LB: Yeah, for sure. What can we expect from the next album? A similar sound to Good Mood, or not quite sure yet?

DH: Not quite sure yet. We’ve always been quite an eclectic sounding band. Every record covers so much ground. I think in our brief conversations we’ve had about the general direction we want it to go in we’ve pretty much dived into embracing the eclectic nature of what we do. I know we’ve always tried to steer away from it being too diverse, but maybe this one will be our most kind of diverse sound recording.

Doing a regional tour, it’s wake up in the morning, get in a van, the comradery between your touring group is fantastic. You get to see a lot of the country, get to stop in weird little towns, you get to the gigs and you don’t know what to expect.

LB: The band formed in 2008, so a decade on, apart from the obvious success, how do you feel you’ve grown as a band, as musicians, and as friends?

DH: As friends, we’re pretty much inseparable and if we’re not doing something, touring or recording, we’re hanging out anyway. Sam, and Paul and Daniel, we all still live in Brisbane. If there’s nothing on today I’ll probably be calling Paul and seeing if he wants to hang out, do you want to play golf or tennis? So, I think we’re essentially family.

LB: Considering you guys did form in university, any advice for Uni students wanting to get into the music business or start a band?

DH: I remember when I first started Uni, and all lecturers used to say ‘networking is the most important thing.

Go out there, and as long as you’re collaborating with people you’ve got nothing to lose.’ I used to listen to them and think ‘that sounds like a lie’. Now that I’m a decade deep into a career in the industry, and that is absolutely the best piece of advice. I would say, network with people and nothing is not worth sharing. If you’re working on art, if you’re working on songs. I even struggled with that, it’s probably taken me ten years to even get to a point where I’m comfortable sharing ideas with the people closest to me. I regret that. So, if anything, share everything. Get it out there. There’s no shame.

FACT: WAM stands for What Actually Matters.

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HOW NOT TO MAKE GOLD Paris Javid

It is often said that alchemy is the ancestor of modern chemistry. The word ‘alchemy’ brings to mind images of mystic arts, old bearded men hunched over cauldrons brewing strange concoctions. Perhaps you remember the Philosopher’s Stone (no, not the Harry Potter book), a mythical compound that could turn base metals like lead into gold, endlessly sought after by the alchemists of yore. Despite the fact that alchemists were more or less searching for the mystic and magical, a lot of their practices and methodology contributed greatly to modern science.

imagine the smell. Yet he somehow managed to snag not just one, but two wealthy wives, which makes you wonder whether he compensated for the piss-boiling in - ahem - another department.

Enter Hennig Brand.

None of Brand’s original writing has survived, but even if it had we probably would not be able to decipher the alchemical symbols and strange code it was written in - alchemists were notoriously secretive and paranoid of others stealing their work. The only reason we know anything about him or his method is by linking different historical sources together, such as letters between his contemporaries.

This story starts in 1669 in the German town of Hamburg, where there lived a man named Hennig Brand. Not much is known about his origins, except that he was born in 1630. Apart from that, everything we know about his life comes from second-hand sources.

Some accounts described him as having humble origins, while others described him as a pompous individual who insisted on being called Herr Doktor Brand, even though he was not actually a medical doctor.

Inspired by alchemy journals of the time, Brand came to the glorious realisation that since gold and urine were the same colour, you could perhaps distil the former from the latter. (Spoiler alert: you can’t.) With dreams of gold and grandeur, he began his experiment.

You would think he would start off by testing a small amount of urine, but no. This mad-lad decided to boil more than 5,500 litres of piss for days on end in his basement lab that he built with his wife’s money. Just 14

He exhausted his first wife’s money in this noble pursuit and soon after she died, he married his second wife, a wealthy widow who could continue to finance his search. Not surprisingly, he used up all her money too, and he ended up dying poor and forgotten. Brand gave the phrase ‘gold digger’ a whole new meaning.

If you are keen to know (and perhaps replicate) his original recipe, I suggest you read the 1683 edition of Nicholas Lemery’s ‘Cours de Chymie’, a French journal of chemistry. There’s a lot of boiling and waiting and boiling and waiting involved, so I will not go into detail, but here are some snippets that I think sum it up nicely: “Collect a good quantity of human urine in a barrel: let it ferment or spoil it in the air for three or four months: then pour it into terrines and evaporate the moisture on the fire, until the matter which will remain has the consistency of thick honey: […] a volatile salt can be drawn from the urine […] The spirit is only a volatile salt,

FACT: One copy of GOLD is printed entirely on gold leaf pages.

solved in a small quantity of phlegm, this volatile salt grows more in the urine than the others, but the odour is more refractory.”

It also notes that “the urine of young men is preferable to others because it contains more salt.”.

In the end, he produced a mysterious white, waxy substance that burnt brightly and glowed in the dark. Whilst he did not reveal his recipe until much later, he did perform demonstrations in front of his contemporaries, who were all amazed by the mysterious substance that appeared to glow with a ‘life force’. They called it ‘phosphorus’ - Latin for ‘light bearer’.

Despite his original intentions, Brand was nonetheless the first known person to isolate the element phosphorous. It is a relatively common element on Earth, but due to its highly reactive nature it is never found alone in nature.

Phosphorous and its compounds are essential to life and are found in most living things - hence why it can be found in urine. It is a very powerful element and has played a large role in the course of modern human history. Advancements in the commercial production of phosphorus led to an agricultural revolution as the use of phosphate fertilisers has increased output by a huge margin. But naturally, phosphates were also used for war, in chemical weapons and bombs. In fact, phosphorus bombs would later be used to destroy the city of Hamburg in World War II.

“COLLECT A GOOD QUANTITY OF HUMAN URINE IN A BARREL: LET IT FERMENT OR SPOIL IT IN THE AIR FOR THREE OR FOUR MONTHS: THEN POUR IT INTO TERRINES AND EVAPORATE THE MOISTURE ON THE FIRE, UNTIL THE MATTER WHICH WILL REMAIN HAS THE CONSISTENCY OF THICK HONEY”

But it was not Brand who turned phosphorus into a technological and commercial success; it was the people who came after him. He died having no idea that in future generations, his discovery would bring great wealth for some and great untold misery for many more.

The good news is that if you are really intent on making gold from scratch, there are other ways that don’t involve piss-boiling. The most authentic way, of course, would be to fuse seventy-nine protons together in a nuclear reaction to produce the element gold.

There are a few particle collider facilities around the world that have the equipment required to isolate protons, and then smash them back together - most notably the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) in Switzerland (which begs the question - is the LHC actually a front for synthesising gold?) Anyhow, once you have your seventynine protons and you have smashed them together to form an atom of gold, you will only need to do it about 3000000000000000000000 (three with twenty-one zeros after it) more times to produce one gram of gold.

Extract from Nicholas Lemery’s ‘Cours de Chymie’, 1683 edition, a French journal of chemistry. (Yes, I did just translate the entire section on phosphorus by typing it into Google translate. If you want to read the entire translation, find me.)

So next time you go to put some fertiliser on your garden, spare a thought for the man who spent his life boiling piss for you.

FACT: Confused fresher thought they enrolled in the University of West Alabama.

15

I DOWNLOADED

TINDER GOLD

SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO Ava Cadee In what can only be described as Pelican’s greatest venture into the world of investigative journalism, I purchased a Tinder Gold membership. I signed up for a month, with the view to understand why anyone would pay for premium upgrades on a dating app, and definitively determine whether or not these upgraded features are worth their weight in gold.

Having only ever been on one tinder date in my life, I was very keen to see what effect the upgrade would have on the swipe lifestyle, while also simultaneously terrified of the Tinder Gold demographic. After signing my soul away to the iTunes store, I excitedly clicked my way through brand-new Tinder interface, holding my breath in anticipation of a potentially life-changing experience.

Unfortunately, I was met with fairly anticlimactic results.

Essentially, Tinder Gold works by showing you who has ‘liked’ your profile, enabling you to instantly match when you swipe right on them. Aside from a more aesthetically pleasing white and gold icon and unlimited rewinds on accidental left-swipes, the actual membership offers you very little value other than allowing you to briefly avoid rejection from strangers within a radius of your choice.

Upon my initial opening of the app, now complete with golden gilded swiping, I got stuck straight into perusing my ‘likes’. It almost feels like cheating, being able to take your pick from a list of people you are guaranteed to match with. That being said, it certainly adds a level of efficiency to your swiping that regular tinder just cannot offer. I guess this comes at the expense of the game-like element of the app, anxiously waiting to see if D-list Perth celebrities or the Fremantle Dockers’ latest rookie will have matched with you (@Stefan Giro, I’m still waiting!). For serious swipers, this function could add a lot of value, however I don’t know if there is twenty dollars of value in there alone.

One of the most valuable functions of Tinder Gold is the rewind button. A lifesaver for drunken or careless users, this allows you to go back to a profile you might have accidentally missed and re-evaluate your decision. Perhaps the true value in this feature is that it disrupts the flow, allowing you to slow down for a second and actually think about the decisions you are making. Making a snap second judgement on someone has become so normalised than it is for our generation of dating app-users. Whilst this judgement is an unavoidable element of human nature, there is importance in being aware of our behaviour whilst navigating the horrors, highs and lows of dating.

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Despite my initial cynicism, within twenty-four hours, I somehow had amassed more matches in my feed than I had ever had before. I started to spiral into a state of frantic overthinking. Who messages first? How early is too early to switch to messenger? What the hell is breadcrumbing?

The “Hey x” floodgates were open. I found myself stumbling through a myriad of menial conversations and dead-end one liners. Some of my favourite opening lines include:

“Hey so like, did you wanna go halves in a bastard child or something?”

“You definitely look like u need a good choking” “Do you like tubby custard? I just need to know.”

Tinder Gold doesn’t offer you much in the way of a lifeline throughout these awkward stumbles, but I would argue that this is probably a good thing. This is the stage where sparks start flying, but more often than not, where red flags start to fly instead. Even with my newfound targeting abilities, there isn’t really much you can do to remedy bad conversation.

I am not a quitter however, and in a display of sheer determination to get my money’s worth, I pushed on.

With all these new matches, I was becoming cautiously optimistic. I had more and more options appearing before me. Still, I was not achieving the practical results I had been promised. Maybe the pressure of ensuring I was getting the most bang for my buck was hindering my ability to actually meet anyone. Maybe I just wasn’t looking in the right places or saying the right things.

I actually found it harder to actually meet someone as a direct result of Tinder gold, than I had previously experienced on the standard version.

Like anybody, I am not without my share of bad date stories. Take, for instance, the time I once threw up out the back of a bar before a date and pretended I was late because I got stuck in traffic. I just think that no amount of money is going to make dating, especially through an app, less awkward and difficult to navigate. I had more success with people I had met without the subscription.

The very little value it did add to my experience was negligible. Ultimately, whilst Tinder Gold lifts your hopes, it does little to improve your strike rate. That isn’t to say you can’t find true love off of an app, but maybe don’t hedge your bets in the hopes of finding your golden guy or gal off of Tinder Gold.

FACT: Grant Denyer to change his name to ‘Grant Get-in-ya’.

GRANDMA’S GOLDEN RULES

Art by Pauline Wong Louisa May Alcott once wrote, “Every house needs a grandma in it.”

Sophie: “My baba said always make your bed and listen to your mother.”

They ply you baked goods, update you on the lives of your distant relatives, and express disdain at your ripped jeans. They come in all shapes and sizes, but one thing just about everybody’s Grandma, Nan, Nona, Baba, Yiayia or Nani have in common, is the predisposition to imparting small pearls of wisdom on their grandchildren.

Ava: “My grandma used to always make sure we had slippers on in the house (so you don’t catch a cold!) and eat something green with every meal.”

Here are wise (and interesting) pieces of advice from the grandmothers of the Pelican community. Some of them do not really stand the test of time, and others are timeless:

Paul: “Grandma always said that if you’re about to criticise someone, compliment them instead and watch what happens.”

Eloise “My Granny says you should know how to operate every piece of machinery/tools/equipment you own, so you don’t have to rely on a man to get things done.”

Eliza: “This is not necessarily great advice, but funny nonetheless, my grandma used to tell us to always have lipstick prepared in case a delivery man/milk man/ neighbour came over! She also told us to always look nice when we drove in case we got in a car accident and died, so that we didn’t look bad for the emergency services. Can’t make that shit up.”

Tony: “When handing a pair of scissors (basically anything sharp/pointy) to another person, hold the blades and let the other person have the handles.”

Aimee: “My nanna always says that if the cows are laying down it’s going to rain, I am not sure if this is advice or more of a maxim, but it usually proves to be true?”

Julia: “If you wake early, gold shall you find and if you get watered by the rain, you will grow taller” Kate: “My grandma once told me (in the context of a conversation about a new boyfriend) that people appreciate new books rather than used ones. Yikes.”

Ash: “Every time my grandma has a wine she says, ‘be a tart while you still can.’ Also, one time my Great Auntie Pat told me: “life is like a cake darling. Just take it one slice at a time. And for fucks sakes don’t take the cake in the shower.”

Take on board what you will, and go give your Granny a call.

FACT: Once a fresher finds the third floor of Reid library, it’s over for everyone.

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Navigating geopolitical relations between states is an extremely complex pursuit. Calculation, mis-calculations, and the often-chaotic nature of the international system make traversing inter-state relations a minefield to the unwary statesman. Global politics is not too dissimilar to a game that involves making moves and decisions, while simultaneously attempting to predict the behaviour of the other players. And just as no two games are the same, the international system is similarly unpredictable.

However, while uncertainty exists, patterns most certainly do emerge through the study of these games.

Strategies become evident, pay-off becomes clear and players begin to reveal their true colours. Within seeming disconnected events and actions, clear rules and patterns can be observed, that help guide present and future decisions of respective players.

Throughout history a specific, clear and observable trend has emerged; that where a rising power begins to threaten the supremacy of the reigning hegemonic power (a nation-state with political-economic dominance over a region, or the world) there is a high propensity and likelihood for conflict to ensue. This concept has been documented throughout history – first during the Peloponnesian War, where the nation-state of Athens grew in power and strength to the point that war with the then power of the time, Sparta, was ‘inevitable’.

Greek philosopher and writer Thucydides summarised it in this way, in his seminal work ‘The History of the Peloponnesian War’: “what made war inevitable was the growth of Athenian power and the fear which this caused in Sparta”.

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Thomas Paparo

ESCAPING ENTRAPMENT: NAVIGATING THUCYDIDES TRAP IN THE 21ST CENTURY

TO PUT IT SIMPLY, WHERE A RISING POWER THREATENS THE POWER, AND POTENTIALLY, THE EXISTENCE OF THE REIGNING HEGEMONIC POWER, WAR IS SEEMINGLY INEVITABLE. THROUGHOUT HISTORY THIS CONCEPT BEARS OUT IN TRUTH AND REALITY – FROM FRANCE AND GREAT BRITAIN IN THE 17TH AND 18TH CENTURY; TO CHINA, RUSSIA AND JAPAN IN THE 19TH AND 20TH CENTURIES; TO WORLD WAR II. This concept, outlined by Thucydides, and developed

by Harvard Belfer Centre Director Graham Allison, is nothing to be simply skimmed over. This concept is a defining feature of great power politics, and is certainly just as applicable today as it was three hundred years ago. Fundamentally,

WITH THE RISE OF CHINA IN THE LATE 20TH CENTURY TO THE POSITION OF A GLOBAL POWER TODAY, THUCYDIDES TRAP IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN EVER.

FACT: You’re doing better than you think.

World War I is a prime example to help understand the fluid mechanisms of Thucydides Trap. In the overture to World War I, division was rife across Western Europe.

Following the tenure of Otto von Bismarck and the unification of Germany into one united state, Germany was propelled into the position of the fastest growing military and economic power of continental Europe.

Following unification in 1871, Germany’s manufacturing production soared, its land holdings in Africa increased to the point of rivalling the British Empire, and for the first time in a long time the remnants of a proud German people were beginning to once again reemerge.

As such, and as states naturally do within this situation, Germany began to set its sights on growing and expanding, with its eyes firming placed on sea-power expansions. It implemented multiple Naval Laws, specifying the desired ratio of German to British ships, and began ship construction at an astounding rate. In this lay the first Thucydides dynamic, that while a state may have even the purest of intentions, to the reigning power, military and economic expansion can only be read in one manner: a threat.

In response, Britain relocated naval fleets from across the empire closer to home, and sought to increase its naval ship production. In this lay the second Thucydides dynamic – that the hegemon will always seek to hedge against a potential competitor, which will in turn accelerate the expansion of the rising power. At this point however, Britain could simply not keep up with the German pace.

At the same time Russia was growing stronger following its defeats in the East, and was now enacting a plan for a military strength that would vastly outsize the German forces. These factors created a pressurised environment, where Britain felt threatened by the rise of Germany, and Germany felt trepidation at Britain’s response, while simultaneously concerned about Russian expansion.

In 1914, these concentric circles of rising power and strength, concern regarding the future, and uncertainty of other states’ thought-processes clashed, with dire consequences– marking the beginning of the First World War. The World War I Thucydidean dilemma is just one clear and emphatic illustration of Thucydides Trap. In all, Graham Allison analyses sixteen key power tensions of the past 2000 years in his book ‘Destined for War’, of which twelve ended in conflict. These case studies provide a window into the current situation between the United States (US) and China.

In addition, the US has proved itself as not simply a military and economic power-house, but a driver of international development, a leader of international organisations, and a bedrock of stability for the global system. The US helped lead the creation of the United Nations system, the Bretton Woods system, and the international human rights framework. The US has shown its global leadership for decades, as early as Theodore Roosevelt’s Great White Fleet, which circumnavigated the globe at the turn of the century in 1907-09.

Since China’s opening-door reforms under Deng Xiaoping in the 1970s, China has begun to expand economically, politically and socially – and within this is the first Thucydides dynamic. China has experienced rapid economic expansion, at annual growth rates never seen before within a nation of its size. Its share of global GDP has expanded from 11 per cent in the 1950s to 23 per cent today. China also began opening-up relations and ties with other states and organisation. It became a United Nations Security Council member in 1971, joined the World Trade Organisation in 2001, and in 2016 formed its first international organisation, the Asian Infrastructure Investment Bank. Furthermore, China’s military forces have also expanded at unprecedented rates. China’s rise is now so large that it is beginning to rival the economic and political power of the current leader, the US. With the US-China trade war still raging, close calls between naval vessels in the disputed South China Sea continuing, and sparring in the United Nations enduring, considerable stress is being placed upon USChina relations and goodwill – and these are not set to dissipate anytime soon. At this point in time, considering and internalising the implications of Thucydides Trap is more important than ever. This includes realising that the ‘trap’ is not an indictment of impending doom. It’s simply an observation drawn from past events, and does not necessarily mean states are, as Allison puts it, destined for war.

One of the latest examples of the Thucydidean dynamic in recent history was between the US and Russia, during the Cold War. The Cold War clearly showed that even the tensest of stand-offs and disputes between powerful hegemonic states do not have to end in war. It shows that when the stakes are so incredibly high, so too are the lengths leaders are prepared to go to in order to avoid conflict. Fundamentally, the primary step to avoid the Thucydides Trap is to acknowledge history. In doing so, states will make better, more well-informed decisions, which will hopefully lead to all of us avoiding our destiny.

The US-China dynamic is the epitome of Thucydidean problems that are currently permeating the international system. Since the mid-1900s, the US has been the dominant international power – the global hegemon. In 1951, the US occupied approximately 41 per cent of global GDP, a staggering figure for a state that had only been proclaimed just over 150 years previously. Furthermore, the US has positioned itself as a global security and military leader – today with roughly 430 active and reserve naval vessel, 1,958 active attackcapable aircraft and 1,348,400 active military personnel.

FACT: Rumour has it gremlins inhabit Cameron Hall. Don’t feed them after dark.

19

GAMING’S GOLDEN OLDIES

(AND WHERE TO FIND THEM!) Joshua Wong

“WE DON’T STOP PLAYING BECAUSE WE GROW OLD; WE GROW OLD BECAUSE WE STOP PLAYING” - GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Perhaps the key to a long life then is not napping, growing your own vegetables or uploading your brain to the internet, but playing those games that we stopped playing.

I am sure George Bernard Shaw would have agreed (had he been a gamer).

In my experience, many people (gamers and nongamers alike) remember playing some kind of video game as a child. Maybe you used to play Banjo-Kazooie with your cousins, maybe you used to go to your friend’s house to play The Simpsons: Hit & Run. Whatever it was, you probably have some nostalgia for the experiences that you had. But those days are over and the games lost to you forever. You have responsibilities now and besides, those games weren’t even cool when you were ten years old. They couldn’t possibly be cool now…could they? Well, had you asked the question, I would have answered “yes, they could be and they are”. Not to worry though, I will pretend that you did ask and resume my disquisition.

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We might not admit it, but the nostalgia that we carry for gaming’s ‘golden oldies’ is powerful and modern game developers know it. How else can you explain the fact there are (at least) nine entries in the MarioKart series? How was the Crash Bandicoot N. Sane Trilogy able to sell 10 million units in less than two years? And why are we being sold replicas of older consoles like the SEGA Mega Drive Mini?

The only reasonable explanation is that we love older games and will pay good money to play them again.

And while there are many ways that we can do that, none will ever be as fun as collecting original games.

There is just something about the look and feel of original hardware and packaging. It takes you back to a simpler time, before downloadable patches and ingame purchases.

Fortunately, Perth has recently seen the rise of small businesses with shops that trade and sell ‘retro’ games.

Not that any of us would trade our cherished games, of course – but if you’re looking to find that classic game that you lost, broke or that your mum gave away, here are the best places in Perth to do it!

FACT: The Ref will be done in six months from whenever you read this.

Retro Collect (Mount Lawley) Located 10 minutes away from Perth City, Retro Collect is by far the most convenient spot to satiate your appetite for retro games. They stock games and accessories for consoles dating back to the Nintendo Entertainment System, but specialise in the PlayStation, PlayStation 2 and Xbox. It can get quiet on a weekday but there will always be a console plugged in and running with a warm glow of nostalgic ambience.

Everything is kept in good condition and each purchase comes with a 40-day warranty – though make sure you bring enough cash to cover any impulse purchases (they do not take cards)!

Beyond Retro (Morley) Located inside of the Coventry Village Shopping Centre, Beyond Retro caters slightly more to collectors than to casual players. They stock a bit of everything but have stacks of PlayStation 2 games, enough to cover a whole wall! There is a healthy supply of Nintendo 64 games and accessories too. The staff are highly knowledgeable about games and you will often see them cleaning out cartridges with surgical precision; these guys are serious about games. And they are also very friendly and will gladly tell you the history of any product on their shelves!

Each purchase comes with a warranty just like Retro Collect.

Mad Retro (Gosnells) Located in the Gosnells Railway Markets, Mad Retro is not exactly convenient for most people. But not to worry, you can buy games and consoles via their Facebook page, they might even put together a bundle deal for you if you ask! The owners routinely post pictures of new stock on the page and they respond quickly to comments and messages. Of course, their shop is very nice and has the most extensive selection of games in Perth. I recently picked up Tomb Raider for the PlayStation, Burnout 3: Takedown for the PS2 and Ty The Tasmanian Tiger for GameCube, all under the one roof!

Each purchase comes with a warranty as well, neat!

Now, you might be thinking – why not just buy online? If so, you have a valid point. These shops often sell games and consoles for more than what you might pay on Gumtree, eBay or even Cash Converters. But to me the added cost is totally worthwhile. Everything that you will buy is professionally cleaned, repaired, tested and packaged. You will have the opportunity to inspect things for damage or defects first – and if you need to return something, that can be easily done. Not to mention that you will be supporting the Perth families that run these businesses and love video games!

So go on, be a child again – gaming’s golden oldies are not dead yet.

FACT: The Claremont campus doesn’t exist.

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THE 90S RENAISSANCE:

DISNEY’S GOLDEN AGE Alyssa Tang

With Disney’s recent purchase of 20th Century Fox for the eye-watering amount of $71.3 billion, it’s hard not to believe that one day our souls will belong to them too. Like a weird, major studio-themed Infinity Gauntlet, Disney is buying out our entertainment as we know it.

Though not necessarily a bad thing, it’s certainly scary to hand over a part of our lives to a major entertainment company. Disney movies as of right now, have been largely hit or miss. With the live-action remake of Dumbo (2019) getting a shocking 47 per cent on Rotten Tomatoes, versus their other latest remake, Mary Poppins Returns receiving 78 per cent. So, let’s take a look at what is supposed to be Disney’s best era: the Disney Renaissance of the 1990s.

Perhaps the sudden surge of technology during the 1990s had changed entertainment already, with the birth of the World Wide Web and DVD having finally been developed for general audiences in 1995. Disney was at its prime with the increasing affection for DVD over VHS. Not to mention Disney animated films dominating the box office three out of the ten years.

Lion King (1994) was the fourth highest grossing film of the decade, making a staggering $1.7 billion made worldwide. With Beauty and the Beast (1991) and Aladdin (1992) becoming the highest grossing films of their respective, consecutive years. Beauty and the Beast was also the first animated film to get nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars.

The Disney Renaissance was the period between 1989 and 1999 (though, this has been interpreted as lasting as long as 15 years) where Disney was popping out 2D animations like a hyperactive gumball machine. It gave many Millennials and Gen Zs their childhood, and soon the live-action remakes will provide this for a new generation, but more on that later.

While Disney was pulling a ‘started from the bottom, now we here’ vibe, let us look at the movies released in Disney’s golden era.

1989 THE LITTLE MERMAID

1995 TOY STORY

The Little Mermaid starts the Renaissance with a bold tale of a mermaid who wishes to be on land and meet a human prince. This movie goes swimmingly against Disney’s losses, which had arguably started since Walt Disney himself had died. The romantic tail of Ariel and Eric had stellar reviews, and grossed $211 million worldwide, starting Disney’s comeback off with a strong kick. The Little Mermaid added to the fire of what Disney has become known for: fantastical stories brought to life by memorable heroes and villains and paved the way for the rest of the decade.

Though not yet purchased by Disney until 2006, Pixar was distributed by them in the 90s, making Toy Story a Disney milestone. Toy Story is the first computer animated film to hit cinemas and grossed almost $192 million in the domestic box office. Starring Tom Hanks and Tim Allen and directed by John Lasseter, Toy Story had begun the widespread love for computer animation and remains timeless today. Yeehaw, Bullseye.

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FACT: No I’m serious, the library is named after Riley Reid.

1991 BEAUTY AND THE BEAST

1997 HERCULES

As stated before, Beauty and The Beast was the first animated feature to be nominated for Best Picture, and rightfully so. The warm-hearted tale has singing and dancing furniture, and possibly romanticises Stockholm Syndrome, but all is good when hearing ‘Be Our Guest’ by Alan Menken for the forty-fifth time in a row (personally). The Best Picture nominee had elevated Disney from being just another movie company, to one worth being taken seriously for both its animated and live action works.

While Hercules may make Greek Mythology look more innocent than it was, it was the first animated Disney film to be inspired by mythology rather than a fairy-tale. It was also the follow up film to both Pocahontas and The Hunchback of Notre Dame after those films were heavily critiqued for the seriousness of the issues they handled.

Hercules was Disney’s attempt at ‘lightening up’ (insert Zeus joke here), and what better way to do that than to hire Danny DeVito.

1992 ALADDIN

1998

With a remake coming out this year, and its original teaser trailer sparking controversy, Aladdin has been widely discussed as to whether or not the 2019 retelling will do justice to the original. Aladdin was a childhood favourite of mine, as I still remember all the words to ‘A Whole New World’ and fondly think of Robin Williams’ performance. As the highest grossing film of 1992, Aladdin had brought the idea of cultural representation from the shadows and into the limelight by gradually developing the idea of using a cast filled with people of colour, something that is still a problem today. Aladdin was well received at the Oscars for its original score by Menken, as well as sound mixing and sound editing.

As the final film on this list of Disney’s most influential 90s films, Mulan holds a special place in my heart as the first Chinese Disney princess. Mulan essentially steps out of the conventional fairy tale mould by portraying herself as a man in order to join the Chinese military in her father’s place. Mulan was the first major representation I had of any Asian character, let alone a whole cast. Not only did Disney create a brilliant outcast from all the other fairy tales, but they showed a person of colour and female protagonist being equally powerful as any of their other heroes.

1994 THE LION KING Fun fact, The Lion King was originally going to be called “King of the Jungle” before the studio had realised lions did not live in the jungle. This Shakespeare furry adaptation is the fourth highest grossing film of the 90s and the ninth highest grossing animated film of all time.

Starring Matthew Broderick, James Earl Jones, Jeremy Irons, and many more stars, The Lion King almost didn’t need Elton John’s musical contributions to become a hit.

With its Broadway adaptation still selling out since 2007, The Lion King has become an instant Disney classic with both its brutal reality and incredible music.

So, Disney’s Renaissance: was it the best decade for Disney? Or do you prefer the 2010s with Tangled and Frozen? Or even the 1940s with Pinocchio and Bambi?

Either way, it’s probably going to get a live-action remake soon.

MULAN

HONOURABLE OMISSIONS: A Bug’s Life, Toy Story 2, Tarzan, A Goofy Movie

FACT: Crying on your exam paper gives you at least an extra 10%.

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THE PEARLER Connor Brown

Water sometimes leaks from the station wife’s pearls, so weighty when she rests like red dust that clings to her housedress hung on the same hook night after night.

At church she holds them in her mouth, no smile to risk, prayers perfected at youth watching the collection bowl pass.

She has never seen the sea, just the same banana trees rotting by the porch, ceaseless wind signalling nothing.

At dinner the pearls gleam under a single fluorescent light and everything creaks, the table, her legs, so she clutches her pearls, ready for the west.

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HALF A TEASPOON OF GOLD Isabelle Yuen

Crisp leaves crunch under foot

Photography by Alex Hockton //@hocktag

The fresh scent of autumn Of morning Of dew on the porch Of mist in the air Of warm chocolate on the stove Slightly damp, a heat on your face, and a little cold Everywhere else You squint into the golden sun That is the last we’ll see of her in a while

Sea-tousled hair, lightly salt-and-peppered Shades of pale-yellow turn to bronze and blonde As our maple sun reaches for the locks Tantalizingly Dousing them in golden syrup She dips below the horizon And the world turns amber

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‘Golden’, part of a series by Izzy Burns // @izzybuurns

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INFLUENTIAL DESIGNERS YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF Emma Forsyth

COSTUME DESIGNERS FROM THE ‘GOLDEN AGE’ OF HOLLYWOOD

Throughout the years many fashion houses have had their legacies preserved and their designers have become legends. Louis Vuitton with his bags, Versace’s scarves and Chanel with her ‘timeless female silhouette’. However, many designers who were just as talented and phenomenal in their time have seemingly been forgotten, trapped forever in their own era. Two designers, in particular, Mariano Fortuny and Gilbert Adrian, might be able to help shed some light as to why many are forgotten.

Madame Satan (1930) MARIANO FORTUNY

THE DELPHOS GOWN

Labelled as “The Avant-Garde Designer”, Mariano Fortuny was a renowned fashion designer best known for his iconic masterpiece, the Delphos Gown. Born into a prominent family of artists, Mariano Fortuny was passionate about the creative arts. His main areas of interest lay in his painting, lighting and textile designs but he was best known for his work as a fashion designer. At the beginning of the 20th Century, he dressed many avant-garde women exclusively in his iconic Delphos gown. Due to his fascination in textiles, he opened a fashion house known as ‘Fortuny Fabrics’ with a factory in Venice. In 1927, an American interior designer, Elsie McNeill Lee travelled to Venice and convinced Fortuny that she should be the American Distributor for the brand. Elsie returned to New York and opened a shop at 509, Madison Avenue. She became the exclusive US distributor of Fortuny’s Fabrics and dresses, popularizing them across the county. After Fortuny’s death in 1949, Elsie took over the running of the New York Showroom and factory in Venice until her death in 1988 when the company was taken over by her friend Magned Riad. Today the company is still run by the Riad family, but Fortuny has faded into oblivion.

Fortuny’s Delphos gown became his signature piece that stood the test of time. It was described as “faithfully antique but marked original.” The simplicity and timelessness of his garment made it a permanently up to date piece that only needed a slight variation in colour or a belt or peplum added to keep it modern.

Fortuny’s Delphos gowns were constructed from finely pleated silk and weighed down by tiny glass beads. At a time when the rigid ‘S-curve corset’ was in fashion, the body conscious Delphos gown was worn only by the most daring of women, as it took years before women would wear the slinky dress silhouette outside of their homes.

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FACT: The socialists will leave you alone if you have airpods in, trust us.

GILBERT ADRIAN As head costume designer for Metro Golden Mayer (MGM), Gilbert Adrian was a favourite collaborator of famous icons like Greta Garbo, Ingrid Bergman, Jean Harlow, Lana Turner, Cukor, and many others. Credited as “Gowns by Adrian,” Adrian is widely responsible for glamour associated with the ‘Golden Age’ of Hollywood.

Gilbert Adrian is the man responsible for giving Judy Garland her iconic blue and white gingham in The Wizard of Oz (1939). Gilbert Adrian graduated from Parson’s School of Design and his career spanned for 20 years in which he served as the costume designer for more than 250 films. In 1944 he was awarded the Coty Fashion Award. Unfortunately, his gig as Hollywood’s main costume designer ended short of his fifty-seventh birthday when he suffered a second heart attack.

INFLUENCE IN HOLLYWOOD At a time when American fashion designers were marginalised, especially costume designers, Adrian was not credited for many of his iconic contributions to the period. He had the unique ability to work with the most volatile of actresses and the most difficult of any professionals. Through costume, he could transform them into femme-fatale vamps of the film noir era or tragic victims. He was a master of extravagance, as well as simplicity. Adrian was known for his special relationship with Greta Garbo, designing costumes for films such as Mata Hari (1931).

Mata Hari (1931)

Adrian is most remembered for designing the blue gingham pinafore and the iconic ruby- red slippers worn

by Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz (1939). For Madam Satan (1930), Adrian produced the fancy-dress costumes for party-goer characters. Madam Satan’s outfit was supposed to resemble a fiery volcano. One outfit, called ‘Confusion,’ took three weeks to complete, as 10 yards of material was needed to create the cloud-like silhouette of the costume.

Gilbert Adrian is remembered as a shy, hard-working gentleman who strove to dazzle audiences. Adrian’s dedicated work ethic towards his art was both inspiring and exhaustive. He created one of the busiest and illustrious costume departments in cinematic history.

However, he appears to be trapped in his era like many costume designers before him, and has been forgotten despite his impressive contribution to cinematic history.

The mystery remains as to why these designers with their impressive legacies have been forgotten. Perhaps, it simply was the result of a lack of an heir to their legacy as a designer. One thing for certain is even though these two designers are ones you have likely never come across, they are the ones you should definitely know about.

The Wizard of Oz (1939) FACT: All psychology majors only do it to diagnose themselves.

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Photography by Alex Hockton //@hocktag 30

DISCUSSING DIRT IN AUSTRALIAN LITERATURE: AN INTERVIEW WITH TONY HUGHES-D’AETH Laurent Shervington Tony Hughes-d’Aeth is the Discipline Chair of the English Department at the University of Western Australia. His research focuses on regional Australian writing, as well as eco-criticism and film studies.

His most recent book, Like Nothing on this Earth: A Literary History of the Wheatbelt was released in 2017

by UWA Publishing Perth.

This year the University of Western Australia is hosting the Annual ASAL (Association for the Study of Australian Literature) Conference with you as the Convenor. Can you tell me a little bit about ASAL, how you got involved with it and the upcoming conference?

ASAL is an organisation that was set up in the late 1970s to promote the study of Australian literature, particularly in universities. At the time, if you said you were a scholar of Australian literature, the usual quip was, “Is there any?” I attended my first ASAL conference as a postgraduate student in 1997, and it was such a warm and fun experience I’ve been going to them ever since.

So, it’s a real pleasure to be now convening my first ASAL conference, which is returning to WA for the first time since 2004.

What’s the usual process for organising a conference?

Like many academic organisations, the annual conference is ASAL’s key event. It is a chance to speak with scholars and students and authors about something we all love, Australian literature. I’m working with a committee of my colleagues, along with the ASAL national executive committee, to host and program the conference. The first step is to announce the conference location and theme and call for papers. People submit abstracts and you assess whether they fit the terms of the conference. We had about ninety submissions. There will probably be about eighty papers given during the conference, along with keynote lectures. We will be holding the conference at the UWA Club.

I understand the theme of this year’s conference is ‘Dirt’.

What spurred this choice and what position does Dirt personally hold in the Australian literary imagination for you?

It was actually my colleague Alison Bartlett who came up with that idea. ASAL themes need to be general in the sense that everyone who is working in our field should feel they can speak to the theme. But the theme should also help focus the group’s attention on particular issues and we thought that ‘Dirt’ was a great topic for a Western Australian conference, because so much of our wealth comes from the ground. But we also wanted to signal that this ground is contested (that Australian land is owned by Aboriginal people) and that not everyone is benefitting from its exploitation. We were also interested in the things that people find ‘dirty’— disgusting, abject, repulsive. And lastly, we wanted the conference to have a strong environment theme.

The following passage from Mary Douglas’ Purity and Danger comes to mind:

“AS WE KNOW IT, DIRT IS ESSENTIALLY DISORDER. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ABSOLUTE DIRT: IT EXISTS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER. IF WE SHUN DIRT, IT IS NOT BECAUSE OF CRAVEN FEAR, STILL LESS DREAD OF HOLY TERROR. NOR DO OUR IDEAS ABOUT DISEASE ACCOUNT FOR THE RANGE OF OUR BEHAVIOUR IN CLEANING OR AVOIDING DIRT. DIRT OFFENDS AGAINST ORDER.”

FACT: Tourists are required by law to take a photo in front of that boathouse.

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Do you think that given its ability to transcend place (by being carried by forces such as wind, water, shoes and bodies), as a concept, Dirt is a potentially liberating material for how humans consider themselves in relation to Nature?

Yes, that’s definitely one of the ways we were thinking of dirt. I mean we could have used ‘Shit’ as our conference theme, but that does have some drawbacks … In the end, we thought that dirt was an elegant way of simultaneously connoting the earth (biodiversity), material production (farming, mining), property (contested title) and the abject (social exclusion, disorder).

I understand some speakers of the Conference have already been confirmed, can you tell me a little about the significance of their work?

We are thrilled that Bruce Pascoe is going to give a public lecture on the Monday night (1 July) opening, so everyone’s invited to that and keep your eyes out for publicity as that gets closer. Bruce’s book Dark Emu about the farming practices of Aboriginal people before colonisation has stirred up a lot of interest and debate, particularly as we look to ways of farming sustainably into the future. Ambelin Kwaymullina is an Indigenous writer and academic in the Law School at UWA and is going to speak about ‘Narrative Sovereignties’, which I’m really looking forward to. Lucy Dougan is a poet and academic and editor and she is going to be speaking about editing the collected words of the great Australian poet, Fay Zwicky. And Ellen Smith is going to deliver the Early Career Researcher keynote on the work of Western Australian writer, Randolph Stow.

Last year you proposed (along with Andrea Gaynor from the UWA History Department) a vision for an Environmental Humanities, placing your research at the centre of the contemporary deadlock of how to turn ever-expanding scientific knowledge into an applicable system of truth for addressing environmental catastrophe. How is this project proceeding and have any plans been put in place for its development?

Yes, this is something that Andrea and I have been working on over the past two years and we are now at the stage of proposing a major within the BA in Environmental Humanities. This has to go through some approvals and we’ll have to wait and see if it gets supported by the University, but we have been getting very good feedback so far. Like the Medical Humanities, the major will actually be made up mainly of existing units—in history, literature, geography, philosophy, fine art and biological sciences—so the major is really providing students with a formal pathway through existing units that take a humanistic approach to environmental problems. That said, there will probably also be either a common introductory unit or a bespoke ‘capstone’ unit, or both, to help orient students within the emerging field of Environmental Humanities. We are also looking at fieldwork and work-integrated-learning as important features in the major.

Gesturing towards the theme for our own issue ‘Gold’, I wonder if you had any thoughts about how these materials might relate to one another in the context of Western Australia?

I am thinking here about how on the level of financial interest, dirt and gold seem to be diametrically opposed, yet in the practice of large-scale contemporary gold extraction, the low concentration of gold makes it impossible for the human eye to distinguish between it and the dirt that surrounds it.

DISCUSSING DIRT IN AUSTRALIAN LITERATURE:

If you think about, gold has no intrinsic value—it’s just a kind of pretty dirt or nice dirt. But why do we find some kinds of dirt nicer than others? And why, since it has no value of its own, has gold become the emblem of value?

Gold and dirt do seem diametrically opposed (they are symbolically opposed), but that doesn’t mean they are not intimately connected. Freud famously said that money was shit, and we do see hoarding as a ‘retentive’ compulsion, and people who are obsessed with order as being very ‘anal’ about rules. In this sense, gold is just the obverse of dirt, and you can be sure that whenever someone is trying to impress you with some bright shiny thing, there is an obscene dirty truth underneath!

AN INTERVIEW WITH TONY HUGHES-D’AETH

The 2019 ASAL Conference will take place at the University of Western Australia on the 1st to the 4th of July.

CONTINUED 32

FACT: No one understands what happens at the University Club.

THE STAR OF CAPRICORN Connor Brown

This mattress is too thin for love.

At Capricorn now, lying in the spinifex, before the sunso far from sacred spaces where feet fell together, same stone- not gold, threatening to split.

There is no coffee, no sweet tea, no pomelos savoured under the sun.

Only sand, remaining trees

This is a home for loss, for salt water in the sand, hungry horses.

Where does Capricorn end?

Not here, this line in the dirt.

A voice in the dark, on the porchnot time to go yet, the stars creep ever closer.

Photography by Alex Hockton //@hocktag

too torn to ever repair.

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(AU)DITORY ELITISM: THE COST OF CLASSICAL MUSICIANSHIP Cate Tweedie

Ever wanted a 24-carat gold-plated violin? Well you’re in luck, there’s at least two in existence. And they’re just worth a mere $2 million each! Designed by jeweller Theo Fennell in collaboration with violin manufacturer Bridge, the two electric violins are used in performance

by Violin Rock duo, Fuse. These violins initially came to my attention through the Youtubers, TwoSetViolin, a pair of young Australian musicians who have been through tertiary classical music study. However, upon being unable to find stable work in the industry, they have taken an alternate approach to a career in classical music, one of particular note being a stunt where they busked endlessly until they crowdfunded enough money to fund a world tour. In the video ‘The World’s FASTEST (And most INACCURATE) VIOLINIST!’ TwoSet watch, cringe at and criticise a BBC News segment featuring one of Fuse’s performers, Ben Lee attempting to set a speed record for violin. Whilst the initial criticism of Lee’s performance is regarding his lack of accuracy and interpretation, also criticised is his promotion and use of an instrument covered in Swarovski crystals, with terrible sound when compared to an acoustic instrument of a similar price. TwoSet’s response to this is to encourage people to spend their money on more affordable instruments, you don’t need to spend $2 million to “wow people and have fun”, as Lee states his purpose. But how much is a regular violin? And does this cost act as a barrier to newcomers from a lower income background?

Guides for purchasing violins suggest budgeting between $400 and $2000 for your first violin. Dependent on income, this could take weeks, months or years to save up for, and that’s only for the beginner’s violin, or any other instrument for that case - musicians usually require higher quality instruments as they improve in skill, in order to achieve a more desirable sound, which is often limited by instruments. Many music stores and schools have established instrumental rental systems, but over a long period of time purchase is usually more financially viable. However, learning an instrument isn’t usually as simple as purchasing an instrument - there are costs involved in hiring a teacher, purchasing music

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and instrumental maintenance. So it’s no wonder many low-income families and schools miss out on a music education, which has been proven to be incredibly beneficial in terms of learning, development and wellbeing. This was well highlighted recently in the ABC’s three-part documentary, Don’t Stop the Music, in which they profiled Challis Primary School in Armadale through the school’s implementation of a new music program, supplemented by donated instruments and professionals giving their time to support the initiative.

Seeing such a disparity occur at a beginners level, there’s no wonder classical music has gained such a relationship with elitism and ‘high society.’ In all aspects of classical music, there is a high price for entry, including attending concerts. Unfortunately these steep costs exist as the musicians have to be paid and venues have to be booked. Due to its perceived elitism, only a select group of people tend to interact with it, thus meaning those people are going to have to be paying more per person, only accessible by the financially welloff. This current form of classical music elitism began to manifest in the early 20th century, where Western ‘art’ music began to diverge from popular music, and the divide has been increasing since.

On a positive note, orchestras and arts organisations are actively trying to combat this, in the form of more widely ‘popular’ concerts, in order to introduce people to the classical music world in a way people are more familiar with. A local example of this can be seen in Perth’s two main orchestras: The Western Australian Symphony Orchestra (WASO) now regularly programmes concerts of film and video game music, a genre audiences are more familiar with. Additionally, the Perth Symphony Orchestra was actually designed with outreach and accessibility in mind - they regularly perform the music of popular artists, recently including Aretha Franklin, Prince and Nirvana. Overall, the classical music industry has a long way to go still, in terms of inclusivity and accessibility, but at least for now the problem has been recognised. Strangely enough, Fuse’s golden violins might even act as an entry point to this musical world, as they’re bringing violins into rock culture, and exposing more people to their capabilities. They bridge the gap between classical and mainstream culture, which many traditional classical musicians and organisations struggle to do in their own performance and programming. So maybe, they could learn a thing or two from those who step outside traditional musical boundaries.

FACT: Conrad Hogg is a TikTok celebrity.

JUST BECAUSE THE STARS GLITTER DOES IT MEAN THEY ARE GOLD?

Maja Maric

CAMO BODYSUITS TUCKED INTO LOW RISE DENIM, SKIRTS OVER FLARE JEANS AND ASYMMETRICAL DRESS HEMS. SCARVES IN LIEU OF BELTS AND WHALE TAILS GALORE THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVOURITE THINGS. Ah, the noughties and the nineties - classically considered the absolute devil’s armpit of all fashion eras, but at present they’re facing a loving resurgence partially fuelled by a broader nostalgia wave. I mean, when you think about it, Von Dutch and Juicy Couture really did something with their truckers’ hats and velvet tracksuits.

But most beautifully of all is the fact that these fashion former faux-pas, in all their trashy glory, were completely embraced by the biggest names of the time.

There was P!nk, her kinda misogynistic bangers notwithstanding, who definitely championed boyish trucker chic. And then the experimentation with layers brought on by any 00’s Disney Channel starlet was a type of genius that bordered on Picassian. On a personal level, part of me still aspires to be Gillian Anderson in that sheer navy dress with a black thong peeking through.

There was such diversity back then! A diverse mess to some, sure, but nevertheless unadulterated fashion creativity that blossomed.

And now?

I mean, we’ve definitely all been there.

Frothing at Rihanna’s latest red carpet concoction - or trawling through a series of Who Wore It Better’s and Best Dressed vs Worst Dressed as a way to kill time and vicariously satisfy your own fashion desires. Undeniably the current state of celebrity glamour has seemed to reach its peak - everyone is perfectly coiffed and preened all the time and we’re left scrutinising each detail with immense fervour. And as much as I appreciate the way Lea Seydoux laurels every award show she attends, the pristine madness of Hollywood has extended to beyond the red carpet.

Firstly, celebrity street style can really make or break a career at times. Or at the very least, make a small-town tween proud of their semi-successful celeb fashion insta page followers count. But in reality, all these stars aren’t as fabulous as the team of stylists and designers that they employ make them out to be. In fact, it’s perfectly orchestrated and executed fashion fraud is that is happening right underneath our noses!

Who is to blame for this? For the monstrosity that is required and mandatory faultlessness? Why the answer is none other than the classical Hollywood villain and leader of all pretentious LA housewives - GOOP. Yes, before Gwyneth Paltrow and the Pink Ralph Lauren Dress™ that she wore at the 71st Academy Awards on the 21st of March 1999 (henceforth ‘B.G.’ - Before Gwyneth) - red carpet ugliness was like, totally fine. And don’t get me wrong, the baby pink gown itself is terribly cute - but the fact that it ushered in this need, this precedence, of hiring designers to get you whipped up to shape should be shamed!

For B.G., the individual style and unique fashion colour of every celebrity was more apparent. Sure, most celebrities in the 90s looked ghostly and over-blushed, or over-bronzed as with the 00s, but the creativity of these eras and the outfits they put out inspires a sense of excitement you just don’t get as often anymore.

Admittedly, Rihanna’s Swarovski Covered Titties™ and Gaga’s Meat Dress™ do hold a level of iconicity in the current cultural consciousness, but there’s an element of unattainability and contrived-ness that makes them impersonal to the greater population.

What we as a hyper-fashion conscious people need is another Bjorkian swan dress moment to remind us that it’s perfectly fine to look busted, and that ultimately celebrities too, as much as they glitter, are just as susceptible to looking busted.

And that’s what’s really gold.

FACT: Coming next year ECON1690 - Dianetics, ECON2690 - Advanced Dianetics, and ECON3690 - Sea ORG. 35

MY GOLDEN TIME WITH POKÉMON HEARTGOLD Max Silbert Imagine this, it is the year 2009 and you and your best friend Brandon are in the computer room (remember the computer room?!). You are just finishing up a session playing split screen Star Wars Battlefront 2 then you decide to just have a quick peep on the official Pokémon website just to see what’s the latest. And there it is, a brand spanking new Pokémon HeartGold trailer… Ok, well it is a remake but that does not matter to you because LOOK HOLY SHIT THE POKÉMON FOLLOW BEHIND YOU! This is the best day of your life and you can’t wait for this game to come out. Except the magic fades and suddenly no one cares that you know all the 493 pokémon, they only want to know if you’re any good at quickscoping with the intervention, or if you know the commando pro hacks in ‘Favela’. A younger me desperately wanted to play this game and seeing as though I need an excuse to procrastinate through my mid-sem assessments I figured that now, 10 years after its release date, it was the perfect time for me to play Pokémon HeartGold.

So it turns out trying to complete four mid-semester exams while also getting through a more than thirtyhour game is not quite compatible. So I am going to change this review a little and make it more interesting than just another retrospective on a game we’ve already forgotten. When I sat down with HeartGold immediately I was spirited away back to my childhood and my ‘golden age’ of video games. Sure the 3D graphics are rough and the gameplay was a standard pokémon grind-fest, but games like these invoke a deep kind of comfy nostalgia for me. Every Thursday when my grandpa picked me up I would convince him that Mum let me have ‘screen time’, or when I would stay up late playing Pokémon Diamond hidden under my sheets or the countless meetings of the pokémon club we had in primary school. While there was only four of us, we would spend hours reading the pokédex and testing each other’s knowledge. To this day I can recall the first 493 pokémon with Rain Man levels of accuracy.

But back to HeartGold, it is a wonderful game, it’s got that nostalgic Pokémon Diamond/Pearl feel in a strangely beautiful Kyoto-esque setting with crisp 2D sprites for battle scenes. The gameplay overall is the classic Pokémon you know and love, even as an adult now. Although there is so little interaction between you and your pokémon asides fighting, I still find myself forming bonds and becoming connected to them. Sure, my Bellsprout did not have the best moves, but I still felt obliged to stick beside her and I felt really invested in seeing her grow into a Victreebel. My only grievance in HeartGold is with Whitney and her goddamn Miltank.

So the move ‘Stomp’ only has a 30 per cent chance to flinch, yet it absolutely and consistently decimated my team with a MUCH higher than 30 per cent flinch rate.

You cannot even poison Miltank because of the Lum Berry it holds, you could just tell that this was a fight that was meant to be frustrating. But apart from that and some other some sharp spikes in difficulty, the game seems to scale like any other pokémon game that rewards grinding and a balanced team composition.

We often get caught up in the new and flashy, and while I personally have been slogging through Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, I could not recommend it more that you charge up that old Nintendo DS and check on your Nintendogs, revisit your Animal Crossing village, see how your Pokémon are doing and just for a moment let yourself be taken back to your own little golden time, you will love it.

“WHEN I SAT DOWN WITH HEARTGOLD I WAS IMMEDIATELY SPIRITED AWAY BACK TO MY CHILDHOOD... SURE THE 3D GRAPHICS ARE ROUGH AND THE GAMEPLAY WAS A STANDARD POKÉMON GRIND-FEST, BUT GAMES LIKE THESE INVOKE A DEEP KIND OF COMFY NOSTALGIA FOR ME. EVERY THURSDAY WHEN MY GRANDPA PICKED ME UP I WOULD CONVINCE HIM THAT MUM LET ME HAVE ‘SCREEN TIME’, OR WHEN I WOULD STAY UP LATE PLAYING POKÉMON DIAMOND HIDDEN UNDER MY SHEETS.”

Games felt a lot more personal as a kid; you would really see yourself within the characters you play as. I remember shedding a tear when in Pokémon Mystery Dungeon your character dies or when a villager I liked left my town in Animal Crossing. These scripted and programmed interactions felt so personal. I really felt as if I was one of these characters and that I was forging my own narrative in these fairly scripted games.

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FACT: For every assignment submitted at 11.59pm on the due date, the Gods of Turnitin take a shot.

HIDDEN GOLD: ARTIST-RUN INITIATIVES IN PERTH Sam Beard

History can be a tough gig for the overenthusiastic speculator. A prime example is the many commentators of the 1950s who anticipated a future for Perth not unlike Los Angeles: a sprawling urban West Coast capital city rich in energy, history and identity. Fanciful as such speculations may seem, these outlooks were just some of the premonitions of a very different Perth, with its equally different aspirations.

By the early 1990s, these aspirations had faded into obscurity. The city centre’s previous live-in population of 40,000 residents had now diminished to less than 8,000.

It was amidst the chaotic Perth redevelopment and urbanisation schemes of the 1990s that a new wave of artist-run initiatives flourished. These new independently run galleries, studios and project spaces were a continuation of a long and vibrant history of artist-run initiatives in Perth, with their roots in alternative spaces and galleries of the early 1970s.

Utilising the unused spaces of Perth’s CBD, these initiatives transformed dodgy warehouses and derelict commercial real estate into galleries and studios for practising artists. Some of these included Con Nanon’s Canterbury Court studios in the Canterbury Court Arcade; the Artemis group; the Wellman Street group; Gotham Studios; Giotto Studios; The Beach Gallery, and Praxis, located in Murrey Mews. Many of these organisations enjoyed fruitful tenures; Praxis held numerous significant exhibitions and events, including a lecture by internationally renowned art theorist Lucy Lippard, and would eventually evolve into the Perth Institute of Contemporary Arts (PICA).

The history of the artist-run initiative in Perth is an ongoing one. The city now boasts a population of 2.2 million, with around 28,000 inhabiting the City of Perth, accompanied by a new generation of ARIs and alternatives spaces. Amid the many ARIs currently operating in Perth, Cool Change Contemporary is among the most recent. Cool Change opened on a rainy Friday in August 2018, and resides in the historic Bon Marche Arcade along Barrack Street. Alternative spaces such as this one represent a broadening of the available platforms for artists and widening of the Perth arts discourse. They allow a space for experimentation, diversification and artistic renewal. Yet, along with the significant value of these artist-run initiatives comes their precarious lifespan, averaging a three-year existence.

Does the ARI’s short lifespan hinder their potential development? Or perhaps it allows for constant renewal, relevance and vibrancy? Fortunately for me, Paul Boyé, a committee member at Cool Change, generously took on these questions, saying that those involved in ARIs construct these spaces aware of this fact and let their temporality provide vitality to the projects they hold. Furthermore, Boyé says “ARIs are a malleable institution, and often allow artists who don’t fall into a bracket of the market a space to exhibit their work”.

This platform provided by ARIs allows for the kind of experimentation encouraged in art schools to make its way into public spaces. In doing so, initiatives like Cool Change contribute significantly to broader currents in contemporary art.

These vibrant contributions are what makes the flights of creaky old stairs, strange back alleys, odd smelling warehouses, parent’s garages and decaying lofts of ARIs so worth it (if these alone were not enough). These initiatives proactively enable new artists, developments, innovations, risk-taking and experimentations. And they show no signs of slowing down, as Boyé points out “Perth is laden with potential for more art spaces”. What these spaces may enable, shift, reject and encourage in Perth’s future, is a history in the making.

FACT: Guild Candidates are selected through a series of rage fights.

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IRISH CAR BOMB Eamonn Kelly

I was sitting there on a couch in a backyard one time thinking ‘my what a cultured party’ because there were people there above the age of thirty and a couple of married couples holding hands and drinks. That was when I overheard a conversation about Irish Car Bombs.

“YOU HEARD ABOUT THOSE IRISH CAR BOMBS?” SAID THE WOMAN, “PRETTY FUCKED RIGHT?” “Right, those things’ll waste you,” was the man’s reply.

Being somebody with a fodder on their birth certificate, I decided that I would enter the colosseum. I said, “You know those things are pretty easy to make right?”

The woman said, humouring me “Oh really? Didn’t know that, how do they make them?”

To wit, I told them how to make an incendiary grenade with kerosene, a bottle, and an oily rag, this from a diagram I had seen on the back of a Godspeed You! Black Emperor CD that I own. I don’t know, something about the methods for dismantling power being in the hands of ordinary folk and other such civil disobedience discourses.

Over a sport.

The Steve McQueen film, Hunger, about the historical ‘dirty’ and hunger strikes of North Irish political prisoners in Her Majesty’s Maze Prison, is ostensibly a biopic of Bobby Sands (Michael Fassbender), an Irish Republican who gained international attention for The Troubles in 1981 when he died at the age of twenty-seven from starvation, having led the second attempt at a hunger strike on behalf of the prisoners.

The first act of this three-act film is an extended montage of the treatment received by political prisoners in the North of Ireland at the time. Prisoners are forced to the floor to have their hair cut, are beaten senseless by riot police, forced to live in appalling conditions in demonstration against abject tyranny, forced to squat naked over mirrors for cavity searches by several men and then have the same glove used on their mouth, forced to walk between men with riot shields and batons as they pummel them with blows.

There are lengthy shots of the floors being cleaned of excrement, walls of cells being cleaned of rotten food and excrement, Sands cowering under batons, Sands cowering on the floor of his cell, bruised, bloody, and unable to fall into unconsciousness.

To which I got strange looks.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“We were talking about a shot, like a drink, a strong one, like something that will get you mashed off your tits,” said the man.

“Like a shot of Baileys in a pint of Guinness,” said the woman.

I had to sit there as they explained to me that the sectarian conflict in which some of my ancestors received early, unnatural deaths had been turned into a rather crass drink that people order at bars to make risqué jokes. The conversation moved past this and I quietly got up out of my seat and went to get another beer.

Meanwhile, all of this is juxtaposed with the quotidian life of prison officer Raymond Lohan, a member of the Ulster Defence Force. Lohan washes his bloodied knuckles, checks his car for bombs, put his uniform on, smokes cigarettes, participates in the mistreatment of prisoners in Cell Block H, visits his catatonic mother, and is shot in the head by an assassin and dies slumped in his mother’s lap.

I drove my Saracen through your garden last night Sing up the RA I kicked your front door down around at midnight Sing up the RA Oh something’s telling me boy you’re avoiding me

The Ken Loach film, The Wind that Shakes the Barley, starts, innocently enough, with an illegal game of Hurley.

After the game finishes up, and the group of young men go off to their cottages, they are followed home by a band of English Black and Tans. The soldiers line the group of boys up out the front of their home and ask them their names. One of these boys, Micheál Ó Súilleabháin, cannot speak English, he gives his name nevertheless, but the answer is unsatisfactory since his name is not Anglicised into Michael O Sullivan. The soldiers ask the boys to strip off, which is a command that Micheál doesn’t understand. The commander of the band grabs Micheál, hits him, and is punched in kind because Micheál doesn’t understand the situation at hand. In return, Micheál is taken into a cottage and beaten to death.

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And when I find you, you will go for your tea Oh I’ve got a brand new shiny helmet and a pair of kinky boots I’ve got a lovely new flak jacket and a lovely khaki suit And when we go on night patrol we hold each other’s hands We are the British army and we’re here to take your land The Irish Brigade – ‘Kinky Boots’

FACT: There is a gram of pure gold in every library book barcode at Uni.

The song ‘There Were Roses’ by North Irish folk singer Tommy Sands is a particular favourite at family gatherings when all the non-family guests have left, everybody is exceptionally drunk, and an old steel-string is bought out of the closet in the shed.

It tells the story of Allen Bell and Sean O’Mally, a Protestant and a Catholic, who are friends. One day, Allen is lynched by Catholic vigilantes. In response, a rumour circulates that a Catholic will be killed “to even up the score,” surprise, “Oh Christ, it’s young O’Malley / That they’ve taken from the door.”

Australia, which is it, Snowy River or Digger?

Last year, Prince Harry Windsor married Meghan Markle, and oh my what a shitstorm we had over here in Australia about their visit. My question, why the fuck should I care about these blue-blooded fascistic bastards, who enslaved several countries, perpetuated the Atlantic Slave Trade, shipped their criminals off to this land, maintained religious wars in their own territory and abroad, fucked around Europe, and have the gall to get up on TV, bastions of Austerity politics, smile and wave at the proles they deported so long ago.

Did you know that Meghan Markle is distantly related to Robert the Bruce and King Edward III of England? If it walks like a duck, and if it quacks like a duck…

Far closer, in fact, as far as representations of The Troubles go, is Derry Girls. Here the conflict is treated as quotidian. A car bomb is reported so the Black and Tans close the bridge to town at massive inconvenience to everyone. “How fecken’ long does it take to disarm a bomb?” remarks one character.

For forty-thousand-years before the first fleet came in 1788, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples of many cultures walked Australia. For eighty years after that, until 1868, Britain shipped its untoward citizens to Australia for a period of penal servitude after which the prisoner was entitled to a small plot of stolen land given away by the presiding colonial power. After 1868, a cultural narrative emerged, ‘the bush legend’, whereby the colonial individuals reigned in the unruly Australian landscape, and a stockman rode a horse down a hill chasing cattle, a narrative that would found a growing Australian nationalism and ultimately lead to Federation.

In 1901, a year after Federation, racist and first Prime Minister of this nation “Sir” Edmund Barton introduced The Immigration Restriction Act into law, which would eventually inspire legislation in the apartheid South Africa. In 1914, in an effort to increase stability in Australian society due to simmering sectarian conflict between the congealed protestant English upper class and the working classes composed of Catholics, Immigrants, and Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples, racist and Prime Minister of Australia Billy Hughes led a brazen propaganda campaign to restore Australia as the jewel in Britain’s colonial crown. This propaganda campaign shamed the Australian public into joining the war effort for the service of empire; join your friends, enjoy the larrikin sprit of adventure and combat among mates and comrades, have a laugh, die cold and alone at the bottom of a crater of shrapnel to the gut.

I am an Australian, I was born in Australia, I have spent, more or less, twenty-two years in Australia. I am a white man, my paternal grandmother is from English heritage, my paternal grandfather from Irish heritage, my mother’s family from Ireland, tracing its roots way back to Iberia. I am Australian though, I was not born in Ireland and have no desire to return to the country to live until I die. What right do I have to claim Irish history as my history? I don’t even believe in God for God’s sake.

To be sure, to be sure, 100 years ago I would have been considered a mongrel Irishman by race realists, just a drop of the Scotch crayther in my blood. Stereotyped as a potato swilling, whiskey eatin’ layabout of small stature and fiery temperament who wears green and talks illegibly. Jesus Mary and Joseph and all the saints in heaven you can hear the comedy accent creeping in.

Come here, hold my hand as I say this: I reject, I reject, I reject.

I REJECT THE IRELAND STUCK IN THE VIOLENT BOG. I REJECT THE SAVAGE BRITISH. I REJECT THE AUSTRALIA THAT REFUSES TO REPAIR. I REJECT FASCISM, RACISM, COLONIALISM, AND NATIONALISM. I AM MY FATHER’S SON, BUT I AM ALSO MY OWN PERSON. Hold my hand, it is freely offered. But this is not so simple. To say that the legacy of colonialism is complicated is the biggest understatement of the century. Who am I to reject ownership of any history?

Hold my hand, it is freely offered.

Who the fuck even puts cream in a beer anyway.

FACT: Psychology Honours? Should have gone to Curtin.

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Whether you’re a 90’s kid or belong to that awkward group of being born in the early naughties, we can all agree on the Golden Girls of the 2000s – Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears. They experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows, from Louis Vuitton baguette bags to super low-rise skinny jeans with whale tales galore. Their club fights and public drunk antics dominated the media, and the paparazzi couldn’t get enough of it. They knew that Hollywood wasn’t just a location; it was an attitude. So, swipe on that sticky, shimmery gloss and slide into your Juicy couture trackpants, and let’s take a stroll down Hollywood memory lane.

THE GOLDEN GIRLS OF THE 2000S Juliet Kerrell-Vaughan

PARIS HILTON Arguably the golden girl that came out on top, as of 2019 Paris has an estimated net worth of $302 million USD. Since 2004, Hilton has released 23 fragrances, grossing more than $2.5 billion globally. But where did this diva arise from? Born in New York in 1981, Paris is a great-granddaughter of Conrad Hilton, founder of Hilton Hotels. Although clearly set for life with a fat trust fund from birth, in 2003 a leaked sex tape with her then-boyfriend Rick Salomon, (with the iconic title, ‘1 Night in Paris’), catapulted her into global fame.

This scandal landed her the reality television series The Simple Life, in which she starred with her socialite equal Nicole Richie. With her long bleached blonde hair, valley girl accent, and use of blue coloured contact lenses over her naturally brown eyes, Paris became the ultimate Hollywood Barbie. Paris developed her personal aesthetic through witty slogan t-shirts, rhinestones, trucker hats, oversized sunglasses, and her “accessory dog”, Tinkerbell. Never one to live her life quietly, Paris found herself tied up in numerous DUI’s, a lawsuit over 40

her trademark saying, “That’s Hot” and countless reckless driving infringements.

Whether she was completing her community service hours in black Louboutin’s, or strutting around in t-shirts saying, “Stop Being Poor”, Paris always gave off an enviable emotionless and bored demeanour. Nowadays, she occupies herself guarding her new $2 million engagement ring, and plugging various festivals and nightclubs to her 10.6 million Instagram followers.

FACT: Don’t be grade point ‘average’ when you were born to pursue the impossible.

LINDSAY LOHAN Lindsay was somewhat different from the other golden girls, as she wasn’t born into an uber-wealthy family with successful and connected parents. Her father, a former Wall Street trader, has been in trouble with the law on several occasions, and her mother is a former singer and dancer. Lohan’s humble beginnings started her off as a child model, before she began a running streak of starring in hit movies. Lohan first starred in The Parent Trap in 1998, bringing both lovable twins Hallie Parker and Annie James to life on the big screen. Get a Clue (2002) cemented her as Disney teen star, while Freaky Friday (2003) proved she could hold a movie on her own and made us all wish we too could start an angsty rock band in our parents’ garage. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen in 2004 became an instant success, and then, of course, there was Mean Girls. Nothing was as big for Lohan as Mean Girls. A movie of such fame that it’s crossed over from a millennial obsession to a Broadway musical to an Ariana Grande music video. Unfortunately, even Lindsay couldn’t help having a few run ins with the

BRITNEY SPEARS You can’t mention the name Britney Spears without her legendary paparazzi umbrella incident, shaved head or “It’s Britney, bitch” springing to mind. Rolling Stone magazine called Spears: “One of the most controversial and successful female vocalists of the 21st century’.

Britney was born in 1981 in Mississippi and signed with Jive Records in 1997. Her first two studio albums, ‘..Baby One More Time’(1999) and ‘Oops!... I Did It Again’ (2000), both generated mass global attention, as well as making her the best-selling teenage artist of all-time. Referred to as the “Princess of Pop”, Spears was regarded as a pop icon and credited with influencing the revival of teen pop during the late 90s and early 2000s. Spears music clip looks quickly became iconic. Her saucy school girl get-up in ‘…Baby One More Time’, or her blue flight attendant costume in Toxic are synonymous with the bubble-gum pop era. Anyone of her looks could be an easily identifiable as Britney, should you choose one to replicate for Halloween this year. And who could forget the classic matching all denim looks Brit and Justin

law, famously making an ankle monitor look like the perfect accessory for any outfit (even bikinis). Incidents like these proved Lohan, without a doubt, has the biggest BDE of the Golden Girls, as she wore a necklace she was accused of stealing to that very court trial, and on a separate occasion had “F*ck U” manicured onto her nails for a court hearing. She spent a few years under the radar, with various stints in and out of rehab, before seemingly returning to a quiet normal life. After being photographed with a copy of the Quran in 2015, Lohan spoke candidly about her choice to study Arabic and her openness to other religions and belief systems. Speaking in defence of herself and her beliefs, Lohan spoke up for the Muslim population in America, saying: “They crucified me for it in America,” she said. “They made me seem like Satan. I was a bad person for holding that Quran. I can’t imagine how many people go through this all the time, and that made me feel like an outsider”. Lohan was praised for using her large platform to advocate for Muslim acceptance in America, cementing her as a ‘woke’ and ‘accepting’ role model today.

Timberlake stunted at the American Music Awards in 2001? True couple goals. In 2007 Britney, unfortunately, suffered from one of the most widely publicised break downs ever, during a savage custody battle with her estranged husband and reports of child neglect. Spears has stayed relatively clean in the eyes of the public nowadays, excusing a few photoshop fails on her Instagram bikini pictures and remains a true Golden Girl of the 90s/2000s.

Whether you loved or loathed them, we can all agree that the Golden Girls of the 2000s had some of the most inspiring glow ups to date. They spun their tragedies into multimillion-dollar empires, from curbside kebabs to lipstick collaborations and detox tea endorsements.

As well as making money moves, they proved that they could all get back on top, despite having a few knockbacks. They reinvented themselves as innovative, independent role models, and proved that nothing goes better with a manicured hand than an extra-large iced latte.

FACT: The electrons in a gold atom travel at the speed of light.

41

TOPPING TRUMP: CAN ANYONE SAVE AMERICAN CONSERVATISM? Ian Tan

In a 2015 speech in Washington DC, the then former Texas Governor Rick Perry declared Donald Trump’s candidacy for President a “cancer on conservatism” which should be “diagnosed, excised, and discarded”.

Perry, who had been Governor of Texas for 14 years, was one of Trump’s earliest and harshest critics. “He [Trump] offers a barking carnival act that can be best described as ‘Trumpism’,” Perry continued, “a toxic mix of demagoguery, mean-spiritedness, and nonsense that will lead the Republican Party to perdition if pursued.”

Perry, who is now Secretary for Energy, was one of a whole host of Republicans who criticised and condemned the President throughout his campaign including after his attacks on John McCain, his praise of authoritarian world leaders or the serious sexual misconduct allegations. Yet as the 2020 Presidential cycle intensifies, Trump looks set to be handed the Republication nomination on a silver platter despite enacting policies which are anti-free market, abandoning America’s allies, overstepping executive authority and attacking America’s free press and independent judiciary. Republicans rationalise that the President has cut taxes, rolled back regulations and appointed two conservative Justices to the Supreme Court. They argue that the Democrat alternative is far worse than Trump’s flaws.

42

FACT: If you answer your lecturers’ rhetorical questions you win the best student of the year award.

Only one Republican has taken any serious step towards primarying the President. Bill Weld, a former two-term Governor of Massachusetts, formed a Presidential Exploratory Committee to test the waters in February but has not officially launched a campaign. Weld was the 2016 Libertarian nominee for Vice-President and is seen as a fiscally conservative and socially progressive candidate and is making little traction with his website bare and a late February poll from the early voting state of New Hampshire showing Weld commanding just 3 per cent support.

Others like former Ohio Governor John Kasich contend that the process is too difficult with the possibility of defeating Trump too small. “Right now, today, inside the Republican Party, I can’t beat him in a primary,” Kasich, a fierce Trump critic, said at the SXSW conference in Austin last month. Another potential candidate, Maryland Governor Larry Hogan, is also biding his time awaiting whether there is demand his candidacy and could be months away from a decision. Former Arizona Senator Jeff Flake ruled out a primary challenge in January saying on CBS News that “There really isn’t a path, right now, that I can see. Certainly not unless you’re willing to be out there already raising a lot of money and basically living on the road right now.”

Granted, history is on the side of Trump. The last President to lose re-nomination was Chester A. Arthur in 1884 – and he was not elected into the office, rather ascending into it after the assassination of James Garfield. John Tyler, Millard Fillmore and Andrew Johnson were all also President who ascended into the presidency but were denied re-nomination. The last President to have been popularly elected at an election to only lose re-nomination, as could be in the case of Trump, was Franklin Pierce in 1856. Elected four years earlier but plagued by his controversial pro-slavery stance, Pierce had once again sought the Democratic nomination for President but withdrew his name from contention after the 14th ballot. Primary challenges to sitting Presidents in 1976, 1980 and 1992 have seen the incumbent prevail, but to be defeated at the general election.

But a primary challenge can be successful and Ronald Reagan nearly defeated Gerald Ford, a sitting President, for the Republican nomination in 1976. Ford had ascended into the presidency following the resignation of Richard Nixon over the Watergate affair in 1974, inheriting a Republican Party bitterly divided and an economy in recession. Any popularity earned quickly evaporated when Ford issued Nixon an unconditional pardon later that year. This provided fertile grounds for a conservative populist firebrand in Reagan who denied Ford the majority of delegates needed to secure the nomination after winning states including North Carolina, Texas and California. At the convention, Ford edged out a narrow victory with 1,187 delegates to Reagan’s 1,070 after the selection of a moderate centrist Senator by the latter backfired. 1976 was the last national convention of the two major parties whereby the nominee had not been selected beforehand and Reagan could have very well have defeated Ford for the nomination.

It is understandable why candidates like Kasich or Flake opt not to run. Presidential campaigns, as Flake notes, are demanding. Candidates have to abandon any shred of self-dignity to seek money and have to spend long hours on the campaign trail. At the same time, an April poll from Gallup showed the President’s approvals increasing to 44 per cent. Among Republicans, roughly nine in ten approve of Trump’s performance. This figure puts him roughly where Bill Clinton and Ronald Reagan was at the same point of their presidency. Both were re-elected for a second term. Trump can also boast of a stronger economy with the unemployment rate at a 50-year low and the creation of 3.2 million jobs. Indeed, 51 per cent of respondents approved of the President’s handling of the economy in a poll commissioned for CNN in March.

THOUGH CHALLENGING TRUMP MAY BE A LONG SHOT, IT’S NOT TO SAY THE CHALLENGER WILL GAIN NOTHING. Andy Smarick, an anti-Trump conservative, recently tweeted that a challenger will set themselves up to be an influential figure in a post-Trump era. “The Trump era will end someday, sooner or later. That means someone must be ready when it does. And Trump’s complete lack of vision for the GOP’s and conservatism’s future means someone has to offer one,” Smarick tweeted.

This challenger will have nothing to lose, making it the best time to run according to Smarick – “You might beat Trump; then your vision leads the party now. If you lose and Trump loses the general… then Trump’s hold on the party –contra all the “experts” who think he’s made the party his own – ends immediately. Your vision is the leading contender.” Even if Trump does win, the challenger will be a leading contender for the Republican nomination in 2024. After all, Reagan’s loss in 1976 catapulted him to frontrunner status four years later and into the Presidency. Massachusetts Senator Edward Kennedy remained an influential Democratic leader, even after challenging sitting President Jimmy Carter in 1980. Conservative activist Pat Buchanan challenged sitting President George HW Bush in 1992 for the Republican nomination. Buchanan lost, but it did set him up for another tilt in 1996. A strong performance in an early voting state like New Hampshire may even scare Trump into withdrawing from the race, as what occurred in 1968 by antiwar candidate Eugene McCarthy against Lyndon Johnson and in 1952 by Estes Kefauver.

Sam Houston, the famous Texan, once said: “Do right, and risk the consequences”. Houston was ousted as Governor of Texas in 1861 after refusing to pledge Texas’ support for the Confederacy at the onset of the American civil war. In a life shaped by service and serving a higher calling, Houston did what he felt was right, even if at his own personal detriment. This is the challenge facing Republicans today, many of whom who have abandoned their principles at the altar of power, to find agreement with the President when there is few, consensus when there is none. There is still a handful that are still principled and willing to put country over party. Time will only tell whether they are willing to risk the consequences.

FACT: For every thousand parking tickets there’s a golden free parking ticket.

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BEING THE MOVIES OF 1999:

A GOLDEN YEAR FOR CINEMA

Intro by Dominic Kwaczynski It’s 1999. On the cusp of a new millennium, Y2K is looming, stocks in Enron are rising and Bernard Madoff’s business dealings are running at full steam.

Luckily, any sense of impending doom could not be found at the cinema as it was also the year that films proved to be as diverse and prominent as ever.

Now we are twenty years on, there’s no better time to reflect on the seminal impact many of the films have had on the cultural zeitgeist. American Beauty, Being John Malkovich, The Sixth Sense, The South Park Movie, Toy Story 2, Blair Witch Project and the return of Star Wars with The Phantom Menace are just a handful of films we love, but don’t have room to talk about. So, without further ado, here are our film writers’ top picks for the year that cinema was golden:

THE MATRIX How would you like a bunch of kick-ass action scenes to accompany your existential crisis? That’s what I like to imagine was the first line uttered during the pitch meeting for The Matrix. The film that ushered in a whole new generation of ‘woke’ 90’s kids has been countlessly imitated since it was released in 1999. From its red pill / blue pill debate to its gravity defying post office shootout, the film has been an icon in the action genre for over twenty years now. And whatever your opinion on the sequels, there is no denying the sheer impact the first Matrix had on film culture and society alike.

Moreover, in an increasingly confusing and cofounding reality, the perennial existential crisis at the core of The Matrix has never felt more raw or real. The film’s philosophical subtext has been the focus of numerous academic studies and analytical debates. However, probing too deeply into the film’s meaning seems to be beside the point; if we’re all stuck in a machine, sometimes all we have to do is rage against it (sorry, not sorry). Also, fun fact: the film’s iconic digital rain code is simply made out Japanese sushi recipes. Now that’s one way to prove my point.

Dominic Kwaczynski 44

FACT: If you do a PhD you get a private parking spot.

FIGHT CLUB

IRON GIANT

ELECTION

I know I’m breaking the rules, but I need to talk about Fight Club. That’s because twenty years later, it still packs a punch. Even though the “Fight Club twist” has been bled dry by bi-weekly new releases since its premiere in 1999, there still hasn’t been one in better shape than Brad Pitt’s Tyler Durden. Unfortunately, over the years, the film has been misconstrued as the “entry-level mind-bender for teenagers who listen to Lana Del Rey.” But it’s still a damn good film.

Growing up with The Incredibles, I’d never even considered that there might be a Brad Bird animated movie even better than my favourite pre-Avengers superhero family.

But watching The Iron Giant at age twenty is quite a different experience than watching it as a very young kid. Suddenly, this simple story of a boy becoming best buds with a strange alien robot transforms into a gorgeous love letter to the 1950s; everything from the animation to the characterisation, to the rise of the superhero genre is reminiscent of the decade.

Alexander Payne has made a name for himself as one of the more underrated American auteurs.

He’s known for his quick witted and quirky characters who must navigate through his cynical sense of humour and the perils of chasing the American Dream. This all began with his debut Citizen Ruth but was perfected in his second outing: Election. Payne’s sophomore hit is one of the sharpest and most satirical comedies of the last twenty years. Matthew Broderick plays an underachieving high school teacher who must stop a neurotic and compulsive over achieving student (played by Reese Witherspoon) from winning the student body election.

Up against her is the nicest guy on the planet, Paul Metzler (Chris Klein), who is the most loving and endearing counterpart to Flick that it could only happen in a Payne movie.

It acts as a confronting slap in the face for those of us reduced to a commodity in the system, resulting in us buying our value as opposed to earning it (guy in the Gucci shoes, I’m looking at you.) From the subtle rebellion in choosing not to wear a tie, to the explosive, terrorist-like acts of personal revolution that comes from being marginalised, Tyler Durden and his fight club force us to see who we really are. And according to him, “We are slaves with white collars.” In this current era of consumerism vs minimalism, the anything-but attitude towards a 9-5 lifestyle, and recent acts of extreme “activism,” there is really no better time for a re-watch.

Liam Docherty

But the film also sends a strong message against the 1950’s as the interspecies friendship is accompanied by hideously dark overtones of nuclear warfare and government surveillance (with the infamous “Duck and Cover” children’s cartoon playing in a scene within the protagonist’s classroom). But ignorance is not always bliss. It’s very interesting analysing a children’s classic from an adult’s point of view as the story is just as endearing despite its heavy themes. The Iron Giant may squeeze my heart with an iron fist, but it’s still an absolutely beautiful film.

Rachel Denham-White

Election is both about the importance and, somehow, the absurdity of high school. Moreover, it broaches on the notion of power, how Witherspoon’s Tracy and her ego need recognition and how Broderick’s Mr McAllister can misuse his power to pettily stop an election.

It’s so intricate in its lead up to the eponymous election, that events become bigger than any of the characters expect. Personal lives are involved, along with sabotage, revenge and cooking votes. The whole election becomes a mirror for real-life government fiascos that, twenty years on, it almost naturally remains relevant. It could only ever happen in a Payne movie…

Thomas Tang

FACT: Golf balls are made dented because the dents enable them to go further.

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UNLOCKED: OPENING THE DOOR TO GOLDEN KEY Jordan Soresi 46

“Well rounded”. That’s the phrase that came up repeatedly when talking about what Golden Key does.

It’s an organisation that works to make students more well rounded.

I WAS PUZZLED AND A LITTLE MORE THAN SCEPTICAL ON RECEIVING THEIR LETTER IN 2018. IT, AS WITH HUNDREDS MORE DISTRIBUTED TO THE STUDENT BODY, WAS AN INVITATION TO JOIN GOLDEN KEY. That’s according to the president of Golden Key’s recently formed UWA chapter, Mare Stevanovski.

Our chapter is so brand new, in fact, that I was puzzled and a little more than sceptical on receiving their letter in 2018. It, as with hundreds more distributed to the student body, was an invitation to join Golden Key. So, what is the Golden Key International Honour Society? With polished zeal, Mare tells me that it is an international not-for-profit organisation that helps to develop university students in different areas, and, of course, make them well rounded. Indeed, this much is reflected in its three pillars, touted on the organisation’s logo and all throughout their promotional materials, as: “leadership, academics and service”.

“Not only are we sort of capturing the Sheldon Coopers… but we’re also capturing those people that may not be naturally academically gifted but put a lot of effort into their studies and then through that get those higher marks”.

FACT: Your joke about Subway footlongs isn’t funny.

For all the talk about developing students, the UWA chapter is not yet a year old and only just beginning to engage students. Nevertheless, Mare explains that Golden Key takes a holistic approach to student leadership and development, and that the UWA chapter will reflect this through a range of opportunities. Most notably, there is the chance to lead in committee positions, to volunteer through service initiatives with charitable organisations such as the Esther Foundation, and to develop soft skills through workshops and networking opportunities the chapter organises.

She explains simply that Golden Key “makes people aware of the opportunities that are available to them [because]… sometimes you don’t really know where to start”.

The events are inter-disciplinary, which mirrors the make-up of UWA members. This sounded like quite the feat given that letters only invited the “top 15 per cent” of students. However, I soon find out that this is the top 15 per cent of each major, a deliberate decision by the committee to ensure that members were not concentrated in certain faculties. Not only that but the threshold to receive a letter changes depending on the perceived difficulty of the degree (postgraduate degrees like medicine, for example, demand a lower GPA than undergraduate degrees).

IT ALL SOUNDS TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE: A SEEMINGLY BENEVOLENT SOCIETY THAT PROVIDES DEVELOPMENT OPPORTUNITIES AND MAKES AVAILABLE SCHOLARSHIPS AND DEBT HELP? AND, ALL FOR A ONE-OFF PAYMENT OF $100?

Aside from this, members may also apply for interstate and international scholarships, as well as alumni scholarships, which contribute to paying off student debts.

It all sounds too good to be true: a seemingly benevolent society that provides development opportunities and makes available scholarships and debt help? And, all for a one-off payment of $100?

Apparently so. However, as with anything, there do appear to be some teething problems.

For example, there is the issue of the CV-filler. Some students invited to join and who subsequently became members openly did so for the sole reason of adding it to the CV, without any knowledge of what Golden Key does nor interest in taking advantage of it.

When put to Mare, she laughs and admits that “it looks nice on a CV”. “But,” she adds, “that’s not our main mission and what we’re about”.

do”, which determines their eligibility for membership.

“We are as inclusive as we can [be]… The only thing… our membership is based on is academic merit and that’s something that doesn’t discriminate”.

When asked about the effect of the $100 payment as a discriminator, Mare honourably explains that interested parties can contact the head office and negotiate payment plans.

Altruistic, philanthropic and an egalitarian slant to boot?

Even better.

But, that 15 per cent continues to irk me. Mare preempts my cynicism-spiked question, not for the first time speaking with her. How does Golden Key know who is in the top 15 per cent of their major?

They don’t. Well, not at first, anyway. Golden Key gives the university the parameters of the students they seek, UWA finds those top students and contacts them (hence my and many others’ UWA letters). Mare emphasises that it is only “once people sign up to GK and they enter that [identifier] code” from their letter that Golden Key is then able to view their personal details.

Other than that, Golden Key retains no personal information of students who are contacted but do not join because they never receive it in the first place.

“That’s worldwide just because of privacy laws and confidentiality”.

It will be interesting to see Golden Key take root at UWA. Mare discusses plans to work with other university clubs to better provide student-members with more opportunities tailored to their interests and professional goals.

Some students will no doubt continue to question the motivations of a US honours society extending its arms into the far-reaches of Perth (not to mention Africa, Asia, Latin America and potentially Europe in the future). But Golden Key is not only extending its arms; it is extending a hand. For those who wish to develop themselves beyond their studies, Golden Key can help.

Mare acknowledges that she is a “very sceptical person” herself. As far as she can tell from meeting US leaders at a conference, though, Golden Key just wants to “help develop students in a more grounded way.”

She also adds a suggestion: for “people to consider the letter once they get it… especially if they’re looking to develop themselves in more than just their academic pursuits”.

She has a point, too. Some students constantly wonder what doors their university degree will open for them in the future. But, at first glance, some doors are locked.

Maybe this is just the key they’re looking for.

There is also the risk that their selection criteria create an aura of elitism. Again, she nods, understanding that this is a misconception. “We’re averse to that sort of elitism.”

Rather, she emphasises that it is students’ “ability to put effort into studies, which is something that anyone can

FACT: If you skinny-dip in the Reflection Pond, you get guaranteed good luck for one semester.

47

THE JOYS OF RETAIL Alex Scasserra

Let’s face it- we work because we have to. Yes, some of us may have the passion, flair and desire to do our job, but for the majority of us, we need money to survive. Most of us aren’t anywhere near rich. I’ve never seen a millionaire supervising the self-serve checkouts at Coles.

For the 1.3 million Aussies that work in the retail industry, be it full-time, part-time or casual, these following ten truths are exactly what they’ve been thinking, but never had the guts to say.

These are the most accurate representations of what retail employees have to deal with on a daily (even hourly) basis. Spare us some sympathy.

1. WE’RE ONLY NICE TO CUSTOMERS BECAUSE WE HAVE TO BE A friendly smile and beaming positivity on a Saturday morning at 8 am only happens because we don’t want to be fired for being an asshole. I can think of hundreds of other things I’d doing rather be doing than packing a 4 kg bag of Nadine potatoes for you, Debra.

2. ANY DESIRE FOR HAVING FRIENDLY, CORDIAL RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE COMPLETELY EVAPORATES ONCE WE JOIN THE RETAIL WORLD. No, we don’t care Susan. We’re not here to discuss your pet dog Charlie’s eating disorder, we’re here to return the correctly priced bag of oats that you thought was wrong because you couldn’t be fucked checking the price. Sorry, you missed the BIG YELLOW SALE sticker hanging off the shelf.

3. THE CUSTOMER IS ALWAYS RIGHT Constantly drilled into us retail folk but couldn’t be further from total bullshit. The reality is that the employee is never wrong. Who’s operating the till Dorothy, me or you?

4. “LET ME CHECK OUT THE BACK FOR YOU” Another way of saying I can’t be bothered dealing with you. Walking towards and opening the doors of the stockroom doesn’t mean we’re actually going to look for your packet of sultanas, Miranda. We have other shit to do.

5. “WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY IT IS TODAY!” I’m sure it is Susan. I’m sure it is. I would love to enjoy it too. But no, here I am scanning your chia protein balls.

6. “I FOUND THIS CHEAPER ELSEWHERE. YOU’RE RIPPING ME OFF” If you’re that confident Cheryl, why didn’t you just buy it there then? Now you’re just wasting my time.

7. “OK, THANK YOU. HAVE A GREAT DAY” Translation- Hurry up and move your ass. You’re holding up the line, Roger.

8. “SORRY WE’RE CLOSED”- “BUT I ONLY NEED ONE THING!” I’m sorry for inconveniencing you Garry, but you’ve only had FIFTEEN HOURS to shop today.

9. TALKING ON THE PHONE WHILE AT THE CHECKOUT. If you’ve ever wanted to piss a retail employee right off, this is one way to do it. Because nothing is more interesting than having a conversation with a brick wall, Pam. 10. BAD ODOUR- LIKE REALLY BAD ODOUR Maybe it’s time that shops set up quarantine areas. A 10-metre exclusion zone in place, if you can’t control your halitosis or your armpits haven’t been given some TLC for a while and the waft is strong enough to strip paint off a wall.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Contrary to popular belief, retail workers are actually human beings and not a pet dog.

We don’t need to be commanded and reprimanded for the customers own ignorant mistakes.

Retail workers of Australia- stay strong my friends! It will probably never get better.

If you’re a customer that identifies yourself with any of these truths, you’re the problem. Sorry, but not sorry.

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FACT: People that write for Pelican are the most attractive people on campus.

SUDAN AND ALGERIA DELIVER A MESSAGE:

Leena Adel

IT’S TIME THE GLOBAL COMMUNITY RECONSIDERED ITS UNDERSTANDING OF THE MENA REGION

Sudanese activist Ala’a Salah singing as protestors around her chanted “thawra,” meaning revolution Photo: Lana Hago An attempt, failed. A hope, stolen. A future, bleak. This is how the Arab Spring is widely perceived. It is often easy to bandwagon with the narrative of doom looming over the Middle East and North Africa region. It seems that the Arab populations, in their plea for democracy and increased freedoms, are continuously hit with larger calamities. However, this popular and misguided notion that the Middle East is a place of little hope, is the region’s biggest obstacle. The Arabs are learning this slowly but surely - and so is the rest of the world.

The recent events in Sudan and Algeria have made it clear that the international community is in much need of reframing its understanding of the prospects for the region. The pro-democracy uprisings raging through Algeria and Sudan make significant statements that call for a shift in sentiment towards the region and initiate a new conversation.

A misunderstood struggle for freedom Contrary to mainstream claims, the first and most obvious statement made by the North African protestors, is that the spirit and desire for change never died. They chant for freedom and justice and true democratic governance. Their voices reiterate, spring always returns. The Arab Spring is a process that needs to be reconceptualised. Instead of awaiting drastic immediate change, we must understand the ‘deeper state.’ That is, we must understand that most Arab nations have been riddled with systematic and deep-running corruption for more than half a century. The dissolution of this is not hopeless, rather it is tedious, excruciating and will require a significantly longer process than the time frame the Spring was initially given. The process needs to be understood in phases – instability, human catastrophes, new dictatorships included. Every step is revolutionary.

Lessons were learnt, lessons continue to be learnt The removal of Sudan’s Omar Al-Bashir and Algeria’s Abdelaziz Bouteflika did not satisfy the protestors who remained adamant to stay on the streets. They have observed the past uprising’s and drew critical lessons – eliminating the head of the regime and leaving the body will not result in the ambitions of the uprisings.

This alternate approach in upkeeping the protests was missed in the 2011 uprisings. Through this means of ‘trial and error,’ one can argue that the Arab spring is being refined, and therefore only increasing in effectiveness regardless of pace.

The MENA domino effect If the past is any indication, revolutionary trends have proven to gain traction and pick up among the region’s nations. When the people of Tunisia hit the streets, its sister countries surely followed. The struggles and conflicts that have befallen the region post the 2011 uprisings have silenced (not eradicated) the Spring in the past years. However, the current markers of success being made by the movement of Sudan and Algeria, are sure to have neighbouring dictatorships overwhelmed with insecurity. This time protestors are better equipped with experience.

The changes of scenery in the MENA must be accompanied with changes in the way we examine the issues of the region. This time around, sustainable and genuine support and intervention by the global community needs to take place efficiently rather than through late or counterproductive means. Sudan and Algeria have challenged the hopeless narrative of the region, reminding the global community, the Arab youths’ dreams for freedom and justice are worthy of optimistic understandings and approaches.

FACT: If you write for Pelican you will smash your exams.

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WHAT’S YOUR PERTH INDIE BAND NAME? Want to be a part of the Perth live music scene but don’t have any band name ideas? Never fear, we’ve got the golden title for you.

THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR FIRST NAME:

THE FIRST LETTER OF YOUR LAST NAME:

A: Old

A: Perth Underground

B: Smol

B: Avenue

C: Jack Davies and the

C: Jane

D: Transperth

D: Mojo

E: Metropolis

E: Cactus

F: Eliza

F: Shanghai

G: Captain

G: Quay

H: Golden

H: Triangle

I: Spacey

I: River

J: The Boatshed

J: Culture

K: Greens and Cock

K: Gardens

L: Varsity

L: Bay

M: Blue House

M: Shed

N: Peppermint

N: Chicken

O: Guild

O: Grove

P: Bird

P: Noodles

Q: Matilda

Q: Statues

R: Lord of the

R: Moat

S: Campus

S: Library

T: Quobba

T: Hogg

U: Sunken

U: Winton

V: Spud

V: Lawn

W: Pelican

W: Station

X: Bin

X: Bar

Y: Moon

Y: Forrest

Z: Utopia

Z: Freshwater

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Comic by DAC

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GET PUBLISHED! SO, YOU WANT TO SEE YOUR NAME IN PRINT? Here’s how: 1. Like Pelican Magazine of Facebook and come to our next contributor night.

2. Join our Facebook group to stay in the loop with content call-outs, deadlines, review opportunities and more @Pelican Contributors 2019.

3. Create for our fourth edition, ‘CREATORS’. (Submissions are NOW OPEN!) For this edition, we’re looking for all creative works including prose, play scripts, long-form essays, poetry, comic strips, creative nonfiction, longform non-fiction, photo series, cartoons, graphic works and everything in between. All genres are accepted (heart warmers, soppy loves stories, comedy, sci-fi etc.) Don’t be afraid to get experimental with this one!

Submissions are due on May 19th. All you have to do is just start ...

We always accept cover art, photography, reviews, photo essays, reflections, pictorials, comic strips, podcast, campus rants and more. If you would like to contribute words or art or if you just have some questions, email your friendly head eds S&S at pelican@guild. uwa.edu.au or contact the relevant section editors!

We’re waiting to hear from you. website. http://pelicanmagazine.com.au/ facebook. @PelicanMagazine instagram. @pelicanmagazine twitter. PelicanMagazine office. Room 1.91, above the Ref, enter from Ref Courtyard, Guild Village, UWA

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