GRAND COLUMN
NINA LOVEL
unexpected and it made me late for work, both because I was upset, and because I needed to dig his little grave out in my backyard kitty-memory-garden. I called my co-worker to say I would be late coming in, and he said the kindest, most thoughtful thing I think I’ve ever heard: “Can I come help you dig the grave?” That was what he said. Not “do you want me to come help?” which would be easy to shuck-off with a “naw, that’s a’ight, really…” This was a direct yes/no question and I knew it was sincere because this work-friend means what he says and says what he means. He does not patronize. I was almost through digging so I didn’t take his offer, but I mean, how sweet was that? A friend will help you move. A really good friend will help you move a body. An unbelievably thoughtful friend from work will offer to help you bury your cat.
Friends help you heal
When I had my second shoulder-fixing a while back, a precious bright-eyed morning-person friend took me to the surgery center at 5:30 am. Another friend brought me home and hung around for the afternoon, and a little flock of friends made plans to bring me food. They had this group text going on and somehow son Jedd was in it. After the seventeenth text about which night who was bringing me what to eat, my son snapped. Legend has it that Only Son politely conveyed the message: “Please take me out of this group text--I’m not an Old White Lady! In fact, that’s your new name: you’re the ‘OWLS’!” With our customary grown-up grace, we quietly revised OWLS to stand for “Old WISE Ladies” and well, here we are. We OWLS are a loyal lot who love one another unconditionally. Ours are “grown-up” friendships that we enjoy, cherish, and nurture every day.
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V3 MAGAZINE MAY 2020 | READV3.COM
The Foundations of OWL friendships are:
Honesty, always Friendship, forever Presence, whenever Drama, never Shenanigans, often Politics, not ever (OWLS have different stripes and value friendship over conflict)
“How do I get to be an OWL?” I hear you asking. If you have friendships like those above, you’re halfway there. Here are the rest of the guidelines: You may be an OWL if: Your children are grown and out of the house (if you never had children, you met this milestone 25 years ago) Well, if they are at least grown... You have positive energy and thrive in the fun and freedom of grown-up life Your friendships are well described by the Foundations above. And you qualify for OWL Exemplar if: Somebody young enough to be your grandchild has said, “When I grow up, I want to be you!” That’s it. No dues, no applications. No gender bias, either; OWLship is open to all who qualify. Grab your friends, agree to the Foundations and form a parliament of your own! So, friends, these are the stories for today. I hope I told them pretty close to how you remember they happened, but if I didn’t, well, you know me...and I know you’ll be honest. I also want to say this: if reading this saddens you because you’ve lost a friend or some have moved away, please do not despair. I have always found my friends by getting involved in things. You never know where you’ll find a friend. If you can, volunteer: you’ll find like-minded people there. Or go to one of the many free classes/seminars/movies/concerts in the area. If you can’t get out, ask a neighbor or caregiver if they’ll be your friend. It’s not a difficult ask, because... who’s going to say no to friendship?
