12 minute read
Is Cosmetic Work Public Business?
the ripples our past
Written by Holly Willhide
Content Warning: Mentions of abuse & domestic violence
Once you move away from your family home, it’s easy to reflect on how your upbringing had an effect on your personality and way of life. Undoubtedly, high school friends, past teammates and siblings influenced who you are and who you want to be. Maybe even more than peers, parental relationships have the ability to change our trajectories.
Many people trivialize their childhood troubles, saying they have “mommy issues” or “daddy issues,” but oftentimes, there’s generations of maladaptive patterns hidden beneath the surface.
So, while you may have built up this expectation that you will never become your parents, it’s not your fault if you start to recognize familiar habits.
What Are "Mommy and Daddy Issues?"
In the world of Generation Z and the normalization of dark humor, it seems like we’ve all bonded under the same umbrella of trauma — our shared experiences with mommy and daddy issues. While everyone loves a good joke to cope with the problems they refuse to face, what does it really mean to have “mommy and daddy issues” in 2022?
For starters, it may not really mean what we think it does. Licensed Professional Counselor, Geoff Landers-Nolan, at Rise Counseling Inc. in State College, suggests that “mommy and daddy issues” are just the tip of the iceberg.
Landers-Nolan noted that not only has the idea of “mommy and daddy issues” become a trope, but even the reference has become so lost that we may not even realize what we are referring to when we say, “I have mommy issues.” Is it that we are referring to the relationship itself? Or is it another issue entirely? More often than not, it’s the latter.
Intergenerational Trauma & Its Effects
What Landers-Nolan and other counselors, therapists and even geneticists have focused more attention on is, intergenerational trauma, a more concise way to describe what we all think we know as being “mommy and daddy issues.”
As defined by Landers-Nolan and others like him, intergenerational trauma can be best broken down into three aspects — “mommy and daddy issues,” the ripple effect of trauma and epigenetics. “Mommy and daddy issues” are what can be considered the blanket statement we make when we refer to the bigger picture of intergenerational trauma. However, describing intergenerational trauma as more of a ripple effect does a better job of explaining how the phenomenon actually comes to affect each and every one of us.
One of the examples Landers-Nolan offers in regards to this effect, is how our parents teach us the building blocks of attachment and relationships. For instance, if you grew up in a household where it was uncommon to talk about feelings at the dinner table and then see your friend express emotion at the lunch table, chances are you’re going to feel a sense of discomfort, because this was something your parents never taught you to navigate. Thus, the ripple effect leaves us wondering whether or not our parents would have reacted in the same way.
In simple terms, the ripple effect is the trauma we inherit from our parents, that they inherited from theirs. This continues a cycle of trauma and experiences that were around generations before us.
When it comes to epigentics, trauma and life experiences are reflected in our DNA in how our bodies evolve over time. So while it may be easier to think that if we can’t see a problem, we can’t be affected, chances are your genetic makeup would say otherwise.
While “mommy and daddy issues” may be considered a single component of intergenerational trauma, it certainly doesn’t mean we should trivialize them by reducing the phenomena to a societal trope. It’s also important to note that “mommy and daddy issues” are different than instances of abuse, domestic violence and attatchment issues. They aren’t lumped together, but they can all arise from the relationship with our parents.
A way that we can better understand intergenerational trauma is by going back to our roots — literally.
A Time to Reflect
Think about all the times that you reacted in a way that didn’t make sense. Think about all the times you stuck around with someone despite how toxic they were for you. Think about all the times you’ve seen your roommate behave a certain way and just wonder, “Who raised you?” More importantly, think about the fact that someone might have said the same thing about you.
Awareness is key when it comes to dealing with personal issues. After all, how are you supposed to deal with our problems if we don’t know we have them? What is the correct way to identify our problems in order to fix them?
Whether your relationship with your parents was good or bad leading up to college, take this time to consider the impact their views and their own childhood may have on your college experience, and accept the challenge to change the narrative in your favor.
it's classified
Written by Tatiana McComber
We've all woken up startled, heart racing and a bit gratified. It's the moment you realize you just had a sex dream. You crave to return back to your dream and revel a bit longer in the experience, living out your sensual desires. Whether the special guest appearance was someone you’ve been craving or not, what we're all wondering is: what do my sex dreams really mean?
What Science Says About Dreams
We all dream, and when we wake up, we’re either trying to analyze our dreams or recall what’s left of them. It could be a realistic, or a totally flamboyant concept, and yet we still want to know why it is we had the dream and what it meant — trying to build a connection with our conscious minds.
Our most evocative dreams occur during the rapid eye movement (REM) stage of sleep. What isn’t so clear, is why we dream. Many doctors and psychologists have theories, but the answer isn’t clear.
What we do know about dreams offers a few plausible explanations. One being that they reflect our deepest desires and wishes. This explanation, according to Freud, expands upon the idea that we have suppressed emotions and desires that we don’t process or live out. This creates tension, which is released and expressed in our dreams, providing a way to make sense of our feelings.
The social stimulation theory looks at dreams as a way for our brain to practice social and behavioral encounters without facing any sort of judgment or consequence.
Depending on who the encounter was with and what you were “working out,” this seems to be an advantageous explanation and mechanism on your brain’s part. If you want to get even more science-y, the limbic system — responsible for processing memories and emotions — seems to be the silent producer of our dreams. With the amygdala storing emotions and the hippocampus regulating our memories, the limbic system runs the content and narrative that is carried out and remembered when we wake.
Though what plays out isn’t real or what we thought, dreams are directly attached to our emotions. Emotions are messy and can be hard to sort through, so some theories rest on on the idea that dreams are a way to make sense of and process those feelings. Trying to make sense of a sex dream goes beyond the person starring in it. According to Layne Dalfen, author and dream analyst,
“Sexual dreams can indicate that our body needs sexual release. But they can mean so much more. They can give us a chance to understand conflict or opportunities in our sexual lives. They can wake in us our need for love or nurturing in our relationship. Even more importantly, they can serve as a metaphor for nonsexual issues and situations in our personal and professional lives.”
Our sex dreams are more than meets our minds. They are unconscious attempts at problem-solving, without the constant filtering and overprocessing that goes on in our minds throughout the day.
In a way, your sex dreams are sanctuaries to try new things you crave, work through a problem or discover traits in a partner that you desire. The science is that there is no real answer as to why exactly you’re having sex dreams, but the key to understanding them is reflecting on your own desires.
Working Through Your Sex Dreams and Pulling Meaning
Dalfen suggests that first, you look for a literal meaning. Work through what happened and figure out if it was a manifestion of lust or reflected something that has recently happened in your life.
Next, decipher the feelings you had in your dream, and ask yourself if they reflect feelings you’ve recently been having — whether they are romantic or not.
Third, think symbolically. This jumps back to the characteristics of the person, but could also be about your surroundings in the dream and the things you saw. Think about their connection to your life.
Lastly, talk through your dream. There might be some wordplay that you crack when you work through the dream verbally.
Overall, the goal is to understand what you really desire for yourself and in a partner. And like Dalfen says, if you really don’t find any meaning, your dream could simply be a case of sexual release. Either way, though there is no definitive research on the health benefits of sex dreams, your brain is able to work through any psychological warfare or repressed feelings, in a safe and nonstressful way.
You may even climax, generating the same benefits you would in a real-life scenario.
Photography by Elinor Franklin
Written by Katelyn Lenz
Lets keep it real — life passes by so fast that everything you want to happen, might not find a place in your life according to the timeline you desire. Harsh, but it is the truth. A part of that truth that is not discussed, is that society has established a timeline of milestones, leaving you to feel behind in certain areas.
The stereotypical “get a high-paying job right out of college” or “be married and have kids before thirty” feels unachievable to many. It all just seems impossible — to have a life that follows a perfect order of ever drawn out plans.
Dream Jobs
The pressure is real — especially when job searching right after college. It is one of the dreadful parts of becoming a recent graduate and, oftentimes, it can be a difficult process. Alongside being difficult, job searching can be discouraging, as societal expectations hold the bar so high for college graduates. In reality, having your dream job after being handed your diploma is not always going to be the case — which is hard to hear. It is understandable to be upset at other people receiving positions that you truly desire or having a difficult time opening LinkedIn to see another job in your field being filled by a peer.
Holding an entry-level position in a company your not super excited to work for, helps your future career aspirations more than one would think. Working your way up helps you find unexpected experiences, lending to a knockout resume and a strong network. People highlight their most exciting jobs, not the ones they had to struggle with.
Matesic says how everything worked out the way it was supposed to. Not only did she find a job a little after graduation, but built a stronger network for herself along the way.
“Your first job does not necessarily have to be your dream job — it is more to gain experience to climb your way up in the industry,” Matesic says.
Life Stage Dilemmas
Every aspect of life is presented to us in stages. It is what humans have been taught since elementary school health classes — there is an order that you are meant to follow. But what if it is not the path meant for you?
One stage that is difficult to fit into is finding a partner by a certain period in your life.
Sometimes, the people around us want to know about every part of our lives — including those you are not comfortable sharing. It can be awkward when your family is constantly asking if you have found “the one.”
Today, there is more flexibility when it comes to choosing your path. People are having kids without being married, or buying a house without a significant other.
Judgment Obstacles
The ones who judge you have no perspective on what it’s like to walk in your shoes. Sometimes, the judgements people make can feel degrading, making you more stressed than you already were. It is easy to let judgment around your life decisions make you doubt yourself and your choices.
Remember, advice and expectations are nothing more than opinions. People are focused on their own path, it’s important to try to do the same.
Serendipity Effect
Serendipity — the beautiful accidental occurrences that work in your favor.
Accepting serendipity into your life can allow you to experience a multitude of happy accidents. It is the luck of finding what you wanted without going out and searching for it. Call it luck of the draw — serendipity can feel unfair at times, but it’s a waiting game. What’s meant for you will come to you.
Always doubting yourself and letting every turned down opportunity get to you, will keep you knocked down. Instead, look at it like this: every no leads you closer to a yes. An opportunity presents itself when you are ready for it.
