OUTSIDE THE BUBBLE

OUT OF THE BUBBLE

By Ben Pryor

unpleasantness elements make for unfun reading but the fatality rate thankfully remains low. Perhaps the spread of this disease was unavoidable given how interconnected the globe is, but given it’s now threatening 6 Nations games it’s probably time to address it properly.

A slightly unique situation in which to find myself, namely recently arrived in Val d’Isere, recently returned from Richard’s coffee establishment and aiming for as much sleep as possible to avoid wasting a perfectly good powder day, as rare an opportunity for a punter as it gets. Suffice to say whatever perception you have of Covid-19 aka the coronavirus aka the flu by another name, the hysteria has now exceeded it as global stock markets implode, most of Northern Italy is locked down and the contest for the biggest overreaction begins. The contagion and The UK has set out its Brexit demands for a future trade deal, to be discussed starting next week. British officials have stated their preference for a Canada-style deal. The EU originally stated this was one of the few options which would satisfy British and EU demands but are now demanding dynamic alignment and various other codicils which have been seen to put no deal back on the table, unhelpfully hitting exchange rates and thereby raising the drinks prices for your humble scribe.

Bernie Sanders won the Nevada caucus.

As the Democrats try to figure out a way to beat him, seemingly oblivious that splitting the moderate vote six ways is a poor strategy to keep the presidential race from being between two nearly eighty-yearold barely sane multi-millionaires… wait, scratch that. Sleepy Joe has a 20 point lead in North Carolina as he seeks to get his campaign back on track, with all of them hoping they didn’t take any campaign contributions from Harvey Winestain. Arriving at court with a very tacticallyplaced zimmer frame he was convicted of several counts of sexual harassment and rape. He then went for the chest pain defence to avoid immediate transfer to Riker’s Island prison and end up in a prison hospital. The inevitable interview where he claims to have reformed after finding Jesus in prison… waiting for him on the top bunk. A woman in Pittsburgh has been diagnosed with the first ever case of ‘urinary autobrewery syndrome’ which means she pees alcohol due to the yeast in her bladder; I was ok with breast milk ice cream but if I desperately feel the need for a pint of warm piss I’ll just order a Fosters. And finally, a brothel in Valencia has been quarantined due to the coronavirus. La selva negra (the black forest) had 86 clients inside it at the time, who are now presumably whatsapping ever less plausible reasons why they can’t come home for two weeks, and 40 staff; wonder how they’ll pass the time. Until next week, I’m off for a piece of gateau and a glass of freshly squeezed home brew.