Vancouver Family Magazine February 2018

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February 2018

Have a Happy Birthday Of

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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contents

February ‘18

14

FEATURE ARTICLES

14

Of Superheroes and Princesses How superheroes and princesses affect our kids--for better or worse

18

Have a Happy Birthday (Without the Party) Skipping a party for your child’s birthday doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate big

20

Managing Marriage and Money Tools to help couples navigate finances, while keeping the relationship healthy

IN EVERY ISSUE

10 20 18

6

Editor’s Notes

8

The New Domesticity Strengthening the mind and cultivating the faculty of memory

10

Bit of HiStory Historical presidential visits to Vancouver

26

Calendar of Events & Activities

ON THE WEB • Fight Fair in Marriage • Enter for a chance to win tickets to 3 upcoming Oregon Children’s Theatre productions

4

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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ClarkCountyParksFoundation / 360-487-8371 Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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EDITOR'S NOTES

Photo: Scarlette Richards – scarlette.squarespace.com

Take a Chance In 1978, the pop group Abba chanted, “My

love is strong enough to last when things are

rough . . . Take a chance on me.” Spare yourself watching the video on YouTube (I took one for

the team and watched it all the way through), but those Swedish superstars were on to something.

Anyone who enters a committed relationship, especially a marriage, is taking a huge chance. There are no guarantees of continued

compatibility, prosperous career outcomes, fertility, or even fidelity. As a leader in my church once said to a worldwide group of teenage boys, “The girl you marry will take a terrible chance on you.” So why does the vast majority of us place ourselves in such a vulnerable position

as to bind ourselves to another person who then has the power to hurt

www.VancouverFamilyMagazine.com

Volume 17, Issue 2 Publisher

Julie Buchan Julie@vancouverfamilymagazine.com (360) 882-7762

Editor

Nikki Klock Nikki@vancouverfamilymagazine.com (360) 882-7762

Graphic Designer

I-Shüan Warr Ishuan@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Ad Designer

Philip Nerat Philip@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Contributing Writers

Julianna Lawson, Sarah Lyons, Pat Jollota, Brooke Strickland

us deeply? Because the union of marriage also holds the possibility (if

not the promise) of great peace and joy, not to mention the documented financial and health advantages of companionship. The hope in those

possibilities, blended with our biology and admittedly some good old fashioned social conditioning, steer many of us toward solemnizing

our relationships with vows of faithfulness, forgiveness, and fidelity.

And even when those vows are violated, we can find ourselves learning, growing, and becoming stronger, all while discovering that healing is actually possible.

With the right person, it’s worth taking that chance.

Learn more about conquering the leading cause of stress in marriage

Ad Sales

sales@vancouverfamilymagazine.com Vancouver Family Magazine is published monthly by Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC Address: PO Box 820264 Vancouver, WA 98682 Tel: 360-882-7762 Copyright 2002-2017. All rights reserved.

No portion of Vancouver Family Magazine may be reproduced without the written permission from the publisher.

Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC and staff do not recommend or endorse any service, product, or content represented in this magazine or on our website.

The sole purpose of this publication is to provide information on available services and/or products. It is the consumer’s responsibility to verify the accuracy of information given. Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC, and/or Julie Buchan and Nikki Klock and staff do not assume and disclaim any liability to any party for any loss or damage caused by error or omission in this magazine or on our website. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.

relationships on page 20.

Nikki Klock, Editor nikki@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

On the Cover: Elle and Mia of Ridgefield are 6-year-old identical twins, referred to by their mom as her Twinkies.

Elle wants to be a singer when she grows up and Mia wants to be a movie star and a dentist.

Photo courtesy of Tara Thackeray Photography www.TaraThackeray.com 360-524-4878

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

7

THE NEW DOMESTICITY

the

NEW DOMESTICITY

1

By Julianna Lawson

COMMITTED TO MEMORY

Although I hadn’t heard the sound for many years, memories flooded my mind as I gingerly placed the needle over the vinyl. Scratch . . . scratch . . . the record spun, and the sweet old strains floated through the room. The children gathered around the new record player in awe and delight. They picked up album after album, eagerly playing the familiar tunes. From “Seventy-Six Trombones” to “Robin Hood and Little John,” we were swept back in time.

The latter brought the whole family to familiar territory, and even my husband was singing along, “Oo-de-lally, oo-de-lally, golly, what a day!” He went on to recite each song from that 1973 “Robin Hood” album, and I marveled—not for the first time—at the way music enhances the memory. Indeed, I can still recite the last memorable lines of the Statue of Liberty poem, which were set to music for our school performance at Minnehaha Elementary: “I lift my lamp beside the golden door!”

Memory itself is a golden door through which we find stores of delights; and we would do well to care for the minds of our growing children. During this month of love, let’s consider some ways to LOVE our minds and cultivate the faculty of memory.

“A New England Girlhood,” how comforting it was to recall verses when working in the cotton mill alongside her sister: “Our windows looked toward the west. When the work was running smoothly, we looked out together and quoted to each other all the sunset-poetry we could remember.”

O is for Observe One way to strengthen the memory is to observe carefully that which is around you. Help your child take note with his senses, and give him the vocabulary to describe it. The bird perched on the fence: perhaps it has “copper” tail feathers and a “piercing” call. The hot chocolate cupped in your child’s hand: is it “fragrant” and “rich”?

At bedtime, you and your child may enjoy taking mental inventory of the day. Ask your child to recall favorite memories from the day or share three things for which he is thankful. The alphabet is a fun way to prompt memory lists. A child’s special memories of the day might include: An “A” on the math test, “Brownies” for dessert, playing with the “Cat,” etc.

V is for Value

Take advantage of your child’s impressionable mind by helping him learn well written songs and poems. Whether your child is learning the poem “February Twilight” by Sara Teasdale for the sake of developing a love of nature, or committing to memory a song that will help her recall the 50 states for that upcoming geography quiz, rhythm and rhyme will help immensely.

Spend your family time on that which has lasting value. Winter nights are perfect for putting together puzzles while sipping hot cider, reading stories while munching on popcorn, or simply lingering over the dinner table. As you visit, challenge yourself to mentally recall facts. Often our tendency is to rely on smartphones for answers, but let’s try reaching for our memories first. Minimize distractions overall—particularly screens—that cause the mind to toggle in ways that inhibit a concentrated, prolonged train of thought.

Words tucked away in such a fashion become as treasured companions. This is especially apparent from among the writings of those who lived in the early 19th century. Limited reading materials often meant frequent re-readings of the same stories and poems. Children typically knew those beloved stories very well!

American poet Lucy Larcom recalls in her 1889 autobiography,

When the family joins together in these activities, the sense of camaraderie, the conversation, the shared food, and the sound of laughter, music, or even lively debate, combine to make them much more memorable. The senses are all involved, imprinting the moment deeply on the mind. Isolated family members in isolated rooms on isolated devices miss out on this critical development.

L is for Learn

8

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

continued on next page

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E is for Engage Engage with materials close at hand. One simple yet fun way of doing this is by performing a common task, such as brushing your teeth, with your non-dominant hand. I recently wrote a note to my daughter, as though her puppy had penned it. To create this effect, I scrawled out the note using my left hand. It was anything but glamorous, but the humorous activity reminded me that such exercises actually do strengthen the mind.

Common activities can be developed to draw mental engagement to a deeper level. This is a fitting time to recall the Olympic motto: Citius, Altius, Fortius. Challenge your child (and yourself!) to reach Faster, Higher, Stronger in work or play. Learn a new song, try a complex recipe, learn to juggle, read a more advanced book.

Eagerly pursue your family’s interests this month, and reach faster, higher, and stronger toward the development of memory . . . and memories.

Julianna Lawson and her husband Jamie make their home in Vancouver with their four children, ages 12 to 19. Julianna fondly recalls some of the memory work from her own and her kids’ early childhoods, from the inspiring 23rd Psalm to Lewis Carroll’s delightfully ludicrous “Jabberwocky.”

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

9

Bit of HiStory

That Time

:

T

By Pat Jollota

H

the President H Visited Vancouver

To date, the United States of America has had 45 presidents. Several have visited our nook of the Pacific Northwest, but it took a long time for the very first to grace us with his presence. In honor of Presidents’ Day this month, let’s take a walk back in time through the presidential visits Clark County has received.

America was over a hundred years old before the first of our presidents visited Vancouver or Clark County. When it did happen, it was Rutherford B. Hayes who, on Saturday, October 2, 1880, stayed overnight at what we now call the O.O. Howard house on Officers Row. President Hayes got up early, and attended church at the Methodist Church that was then at 8th and Washington. On Monday he sailed upriver, past the settlements at Parker’s Landing and Washougal. When he returned to Vancouver on October 7, schoolchildren were at the wharf waiting for him. He came ashore to meet with the children and assorted dignitaries of the town.

continued on page 12

President Theodore Roosevelt in a rarely seen photo from his “whistle-stop” campaign in Vancouver.

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

Photo courtesy Pat Jollota

“Wait!” I hear you cry, “What about Ulysses S. Grant? Wasn’t he here, twice, before Hayes?” Well, yes, he was, but he wasn’t president either time. Grant was assigned to Vancouver Barracks as a quartermaster, arriving on September 20, 1852. After winning the Civil War, and serving two terms as president, he came back for a visit in October, 1879. Troops met him at the Government Dock and lined the route to the Grant House with torches. However, he turned right and showed where his house really had been.

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

11

Feature: Vancouver Family Magazine’s Education Guide

HHH continued from page 10

Fort Vancouver land and thought to be the oldest apple tree in the Northwest) was in his back yard. He thought it much nicer than the log house.

William Howard Taft was here for a visit while he was secretary of war in October, 1911. The word had already gotten around that he would run for President, so he was treated royally. General Greeley was his host, again at the O.O. Howard House.

But, like Grant’s first stints in Southwest Washington, he wasn’t president yet. After he was elected president, he and Woodrow Wilson came to Portland to argue in favor of the League of Nations. The train from Seattle slowed down so that Wilson could wave from the viewing platform at the back of the train.

Warren G. Harding made a special train stop at Vancouver while on a tour of the western U.S. A large crowd gathered to hear him speak and the Royal Prunarians presented him with a gilt wrapped package containing 30 pounds of our best prunes.

He died less than a month later, in August 1923.

Franklin Roosevelt came to Vancouver on September 23, 1942. He’d been at Fort Lewis and arrived by train at 6:35 a.m. He had an open car waiting for him and was able to visit the Alcoa plant at 9:30 and the Kaiser Shipyard at 11:30. The car drove right into both locations, so as to obscure President Roosevelt’s wheelchair and disability.

Bill Clinton was supposed to stop on Officers Row only long enough for the Washington State Patrol to hand off their duties to their Oregon counterparts. But word got out, and they found a couple of thousand people there when they arrived.

The Clintons and the Gores left the bus and mingled with the Vancouverites for about 35 minutes.

Harry Truman was a candidate for vice president when he came to Vancouver on October 18, 1944 and spoke at a Democratic Party rally.

George W. Bush made a rather drive-by visit on Southwest Washington soil when he motorcaded down SR 14 en route to Portland for a speech in 2004.

Richard Nixon, while campaigning for president against John F. Kennedy, made a speech on the Clark County courthouse steps on September 13, 1960. He drove here straight from the airport and then immediately headed back south to Lloyd Center in Portland to give another speech.

Donald Trump had scheduled a visit to Vancouver during his campaign, but that event was cancelled.

Jimmy Carter was barely here in 1981; he was quickly whisked onto a plane and flew over the devastation of Mt. St. Helens eruption.

In Washington DC, Presidents’ Day is still officially called George Washington’s Birthday. However, most states have changed the name to Presidents’ Day since the Uniform Monday Holiday Act combined Abraham Lincoln’s birthday with that of Washington on the third Monday of February. Four presidents were born in February: Washington, Lincoln, William Harrison and Ronald Reagan.

Photo courtesy Tom Vogt

Pat Jollota retired from the Los Angeles Police Department and came to Vancouver to find a new career in historic preservation.

She was curator of education at the Clark County Historical Museum for 22 years, while almost concurrently serving for 20 years on the Vancouver City Council.

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While John F. Kennedy (right) never actually visited Vancouver, he did take time after a campaign speech in Portland to receive the key to the City of Vancouver from Vancouver Chamber of Commerce leader Manny Helm (left), and Miss Vancouver alias Carol Erlandson (middle), in September 1960—weeks before he won the presidential election against Richard Nixon.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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Feature: Of Superheroes and Princesses

Of

By Nikki Klock

A quick scan of any preschoolers’ bedroom reveals a magical realm of characters and creatures.

If play is the work of childhood, then most kids toil industriously, extrapolating meaning from the world around them as they inhabit their heroes’ identities.

Their world of make believe is enchanting.

So enchanting in fact, that it can lead us as parents to wonder how the specific fictional heroes our children are drawn to—storybook princesses, comic book superheroes, cartoon characters—help to construct their view of themselves, and their place in society. As most parents filter the content—and associated merch—their children are exposed to during their formative years, may I suggest that a worthy hero should: • Enforce, not oppose, your family’s values. We all construct value systems in a slightly different way, but perhaps the simple consistency of any system is what gives children a sense of security. Media is a great tool to reinforce these consistent values.

• Embody imperfection and redemption. We all make mistakes, we all experience failure. It’s how we react to these shortcomings and how we overcome them that defines our character. Media figures who learn and grow in the process of dramatic events show kids the value of accountability and the possibility of redemption.

• Exemplify meaningful interactions with others and involvement in society.

We are all born into some sort of family unit, and we all function as part of a larger community that can be strengthened by our contributions to it. The best fictional and real heroes use their skills to enrich the lives of those around them.

Using these criteria, let’s rethink the two most common groups of heroes that kids are exposed to—superheroes and princesses—and appraise their influence and value in our kids’ world.

SUPERHEROES It’s not surprising that the modern concept of superheroes has dominated pop culture for decades. Superheroes combine humankind’s deepest fantasies of defying natural laws with our highest ideals of conquering good over evil. They remind us of our expansive potential. But if we examine closely many male superhero characters, we often find a warped display of masculinity. Dr. Sarah Coyne is an associate professor of human development at Brigham Young University (BYU), and co-author of a recent study on the effects of superhero exposure on preschoolers, both male and female. In a speech at BYU in May 2016, she explained, “As cool as superheroes are, they are not always the greatest of role models in terms of power. First of all, superheroes tend to embody a hypermasculinization that is stereotypical and that I believe is not very helpful. They are often brash, arrogant, angry, and aggressive, and they take a lot of risks. continued on page 16

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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Feature: Of Superheroes and Princesses (cont’d)

continued from page 14

Some of them misunderstand or abuse their power. It seems that to be a superhero or even to be a man, one needs to embody some pretty negative behaviors.” Her comments stem from her experience as a mother of boys, and also as a researcher, spending many hours observing children at play. Coyne and her colleagues found in a study published in January 2017 that “preschoolers’ engagement with superheroes was related to increased physical and relational aggression.” Unfortunately, noble qualities we attribute to superheroes, such as defending the innocent, did not increase in the same preschoolers. “I was really surprised that engaging with the superhero culture wasn’t related to any type of defending,” Dr. Coyne told me in an email. “At the very least, I thought kids might be more likely to be aggressive defenders (like superheroes themselves), but there was just nothing. They really aren’t picking up on the defending themes at all at this age.”

Princesses

Like the superhero culture that Dr. Coyne has investigated, the princess culture is similarly pervasive among young girls.

In her 2011 book, “Cinderella Ate My Daughter” (Harper), Peggy Orenstein shares her personal experience raising a daughter in

the age of Disney Princess omnipresence, and delves into the effects of perpetual female stereotypes. The news isn’t all bad, but it’s not great either. “I have never seen a study proving that playing princess specifically damages girls’ self-esteem or dampens other aspirations,” she admits in the book. “There is, however,” she goes on, “ample evidence that the more mainstream media girls consume, the more importance they place on bring pretty and sexy.” The long term negative effects of placing a high priority on appearance and sex appeal include, not surprisingly, dangerous sexual behavior and less sexual satisfaction, but Orenstein mentions that studies also show less ambition and more depression can result when teenage girls and college students hold conventional beliefs about femininity. But can these risks be traced back to princess-obsessed preschoolers?

To explore this question, and inspired directly by Orenstein’s work, Dr. Coyne collaborated with fellow researchers at Texas Tech University and Linfield College in McMinnville to examine how levels of engagement with Disney Princess media and products in early childhood related to “gender-stereotypical behavior, body esteem (i.e. body image), and prosocial behavior.” Her team found that 96 percent of preschool girls view Disney princess media and 82 percent play with Disney princess toys. And the effects continued on next page

A worthy hero should enforce, not oppose, your family’s values, embody imperfection and redemption, and exemplify meaningful interactions with others and involvement in society.

16

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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of this ubiquity? “Disney Princess engagement was associated with more female gender-stereotypical behavior one year later, even after controlling for initial levels of gender-stereotypical behavior,” says the study abstract. This stereotype enforcing brings us back to Orenstein’s exposition of what she calls “the new girlie-girl culture” and the negative effects associated with this type of conditioning (dangerous sexual behavior, less ambition, more depression).

WHERE GREAT HEROES ARE TO BE FOUND The good news is that as parents are deliberate about choosing media for their children, great heroes are to be found. Dr. Coyne recommends an online resource called Common Sense Media (www.commonsensemedia.org), which provides detailed movie reviews, lists of top quality games, apps, music and movie picks for kids, screen time recommendations for kids of various ages, information about gaming addiction, and much more. Rather than excommunicating screens altogether, Common Sense Media is, according to its website, “dedicated to helping kids thrive in a world of media and technology” by informing and advising parents, teachers and policy makers “to help them harness the power of media and technology as a positive force in all kids’ lives.”

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In order to harness that power, Dr. Coyne stresses the importance of counteracting media’s potentially negative effects.

“Be a voice,” she says. “Point out things when they are not OK. Educate your kids to be critical viewers of media and to think when they are watching, not just be passive.”

Empowered parents can guide their children’s media choices with purpose, identifying media messages and characters that enforce their family’s values, embody imperfection and redemption, and exemplify meaningful interactions with others and involvement in society.

Nikki Klock has been the editor of Vancouver Family Magazine since 2006. As a mother of teenage daughters, and one who has worked with teenage girls for many years through her church community, she often stresses the importance of media figure scrutiny and selection.

Her favorite superheroes are her very real friends and family.

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With so much great media out there, kids’ opportunities for individual, family and societal innovation are truly as limitless as Superman’s strength.

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

17

Feature: Have a Happy Birthday (Without the Party)

Have a Happy Birthday (Without the Party):

Budget Friendly Birthday Ideas that Make Your Child Feel Special

By Sarah Lyons

The day your child was born is a day to celebrate and make him feel special. Birthday parties are fun but they can be a lot of work and the costs can quickly add up. If you decide to skip the birthday party, it doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate big. Here are some ideas to make sure your child’s birthday is special.

Create Anticipation

As the birthday approaches, build anticipation by talking about it and planning what the day will hold. You can create a special countdown by making a paper chain and tearing off one chain per day or even just counting down the number of days on a chalkboard in your home. Explain that although there will not be a big birthday party this year, there will still be a lot of fun things planned.

Make the Cake

A great way to save money on a birthday celebration is to make the cake yourself. Choose flavors and colors or themes your child loves and get siblings involved in the preparation. Kids typically

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don’t care about whether the cake is perfectly decorated, they are happy with a cake that is made just for them.

Balloon Avalanche

When your child goes to sleep the night before their birthday, decorate the house with balloons or birthday decor. Try taping a disposable tablecloth to the outside of the door jam and fill the space between with balloons. When your child opens the door, they will be greeted with a balloon avalanche that is sure to put a big smile on their face.

Kid’s Choice

When you are planning the day, consider your child’s favorites.

Plan the day’s meals around your child’s favorite foods. Choose things that you typically do not serve to make the day more special.

If you will go on an outing or if you will be dining out, let the child choose the location.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

continued on next page

continued from previous page

Document the Day

Create a list of questions to ask your child on their birthday such as “Who is your best friend?” or list TV shows, songs, foods, etc.

Record the answers in a safe place and repeat each year. It’s fun to look back and see how your child has changed and matured over the years.

Tell her Story

Kids love to hear stories about the day they were born, the cute things they did as a baby, or how you prepared for their arrival.

Spend part of the day telling favorite stories about your child, they are sure to love it.

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Have Others Reach Out

Ask friends and family to wish your child a happy birthday with calls, texts, messages, or cards. Consider talking to family members via Skype or FaceTime. This will help your child know that others are celebrating them even if you aren’t hosting a big birthday party this year.

With a little extra planning, your child’s day can be just as special as any party.

Sarah Lyons is a stay at home mom to six children. Some years her kids celebrate their birthday with parties and other years they choose to celebrate in other ways.

ø More Big Ways to Celebrate Without a Party ø ø Go to the movies ø Visit an amusement park ø Have dinner out at a favorite spot ø Go bowling ø Take a day trip to a neighboring town or point of interest

ø Attend a sporting event ø Be a tourist for the day in your hometown,

visiting the zoo or other local attractions

ø Let your child pick a place they would like to visit Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

19

Feature: Managing Marriage & Money

By Brooke Strickland

You’ve walked down the aisle, said your vows, and now comes the exciting part of living out your dreams together as a married couple.

Life with your spouse is full of adventure and surprises, but when it comes to marriage and money, many couples struggle finding common ground. Merging marriage and money can be difficult, but there are some practical tools that can help couples succeed in the realm of finance management, all while keeping the relationship healthy.

When Danny and Monica Danciu of the Vancouver area were first married, they didn’t realize how much the topic of money would impact their relationship.

They married at a young age and with the cost of living steadily on the rise, they quickly realized that they needed to come up with a plan on how to manage their money together without disagreement and stress. Danny shares, “We were incredibly happy newlyweds, but were very poor.

There was not much we could do besides facing the facts and realizing that raising two children together on one salary was not sustainable. Dual-income households are a necessity for our generation, not a luxury as it has been in the past. Monica went back to work part-time, and I started doing freelance work on top of my full-

time job while working construction on the weekends on the side. This helped us stop the bleeding in our financial situation and gave us a clear vision that if we are going to do this right, we are going to have to make some big sacrifices.”

But having conversations about finances, especially when it comes time to talk about expenditures and setting limits on spending, can be frustrating and stressful.

In fact, according to a 2015 survey from SunTrust Bank, finances are the leading cause of stress in a relationship, with 35 percent of all respondents saying that money was their main cause of relationship friction. Monica Danciu shares that communicating about money took some time. She also had to come to terms with how she and her husband’s personalities came into play and how his habits sometimes clashed with hers. “Our personalities are so different. I’m more of an on-a-whim dreamer while my husband is all about security and calculating success.

Those uncomfortable conversations about money made us grow together and learn about each other through our spending,” she says.

It was through hard work and marriage counseling that the Dancius found a way to work alongside each other to manage continued on page 22

20

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • January 2018

21

Feature: Managing Marriage & Money (cont’d)

continued from page 20

their family finances. Danny says, “We talk a lot more and work a lot harder. One thing we’ve learned to do is communicate big expenditures. We also set ourselves up on a text program to track our expenditures through our bank. If there’s any payment made that’s over $90, we get a text message sent to our phone, so we can talk about it.”

Finance professionals recommend similar approaches, too. Scott Lowe, senior partner at City Fiduciary Group in downtown Vancouver, explains that being mindful about money with your spouse can lead to many years of happiness together.

He and his team recommend the following guidelines for communicating about money:

For Monica, better communication meant talking through stress or anxiety. She explains, “I think we have gotten pretty good at sticking to our current system of communicating constantly. It helps to talk about it so that you can understand the anxiety or stress your partner may be feeling. We strongly cling to healthy communication skills like using ‘I’ statements, we avoid pointing fingers or blaming, we choose to speak in a respectful tone, and hear each other out one-on-one, face-to-face. We discuss our current financial standing and will work around how to meet our goals.”

#1 Schedule money discussions.

Instead of bringing up a conversation about money when there is a problem, plan to discuss things together before an issue arises. Lowe shares, “Too often financial conversations arise when there is a problem, allowing stress to impact the conversation and inherently your relationship. Avoid tension and schedule your money conversations instead. A majority of a couple’s money discussions inevitably center around two of the most stressful financial burdens—bills and debt.

Instead, discuss a shared goal and plan to start saving toward it. Being mindful about what you hope to achieve financially in the future together can actually open positive new paths to discuss exciting life opportunities, like buying a home, purchasing a new car or going on vacation.” #2 Cut the gifts.

If money is tight, the team at City Fiduciary Group recommends finding an alternative to buying expensive gifts. “Drop the financial burden by agreeing with your spouse to skip the gifts on major holidays or milestones. Doing so, you will avoid any feelings of guilt or resentment after spending money that you may not have or don’t need to spend. Instead, find a lowcost way to profess your love—such as an at-home massage, taking a hike, doing a chore for your spouse, or writing them a heart-felt card.” continued on page 24

Merging marriage and money can be difficult, but there are some practical tools that can help couples succeed in the realm of finance management, all while keeping the relationship healthy.

22

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

23

Feature: Managing Marriage & Money (cont’d)

continued from page 22

#3 Bring in a third party.

Sometimes, no matter how hard couples try, they need an expert to step in and offer assistance. The team at City Fiduciary Group finds that for couples that feel like they’ve hit a dead end with their money conversations or if they disagree consistently about strategy or goals, it can be useful to work with a financial advisor. Lowe says, “It may be useful to include a financial professional who will offer an objective opinion on your financial situation and provide practical strategies to achieve your goals.”

Each couple is unique, and each financial situation is different, so it is important to find the balance that works well for you and your family. The Dancius offer this great practical word of counsel: “Our best advice is that financial struggles and problems need to be addressed. Even if they do not get fixed right away, it’s important to know that your spouse is hearing you and you’re listening to them.”

A lifelong resident of the Pacific Northwest, Brooke Strickland is a full-time freelance writer and social media specialist. She is also the co-author of “Hooked on Games,” a book about technology and gaming addiction.

When taking a break from writing, Brooke can be found reading a historical fiction novel on her front porch swing, trying a new recipe in the kitchen, or spending time with her husband and two kids. Visit her website at www. brookestrickland.org.

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

CALENDAR OF EVENTS & ACTIVITIES

Calendar February ‘18

S M T W

4 5 6 7 11 12 13 14 18 19 20 21 25 26 27 28

T 1 8 15 22

F S 2 3 9 10 16 17 23 24

1 THURSDAY

Pajama Storytime at La Center Community Library, 1411 NE Lockwood Creek Rd., La Center. Attention kids of all ages (and their grownups)! Get cozy in your pajamas and come to the library for a fun family storytime.

6:30-7:30 pm

2 FRIDAY

Downtown Camas First Friday: A Wedding Affair to Remember. This month’s First Friday will be a wedding in Downtown Camas where everyone gets to be a part! Nick Calais and Tami Weidert—two of the biggest First Friday attenders and ambassadors—will say “I do” in front of friends and family and the community is invited as well. Nick and Tami have been to each First Friday since April 2015 and have made so many friends and connections over the years. The theme each February traditionally has been “A Chocolate Affair to Remember” so for Feb 2018 it will be “A Wedding Affair to Remember!”

2-8 pm

26

activities

Have a community event that you want to share?

Go to www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com and click on “Calendar” to submit your event. Deadline for print calendar submissions is the 1st of the month prior to the issue.

Check out our website for even mo re local events .

Events are subject to change. Please contact organization directly to confirm. All library events are free and open to the public.

Vancouver Downtown Association First Friday in downtown Vancouver. Every first Friday of the month throughout the year, participating art galleries, merchants and restaurants in downtown Vancouver open their doors to celebrate opening night of various art exhibits. Live music and citywide receptions welcome all! Visit www.vdausa. org/first-friday-downtownfor a downtown art gallery list and walking map. 5-9 pm

3 SATURDAY

Free Children’s Dental Health Day at Clark College Dental Hygiene Clinic, 1933 Fort Vancouver Way, Vancouver. Dental hygiene students from Clark College will provide care under the direct supervision of licensed dental hygienist and dentists. Services will include cleanings, sealants, x-rays, sealants, doctor’s exams, fluoride, and select emergency treatments for children ages 18 and under. Appointments can be scheduled by calling the Dental Hygiene Business Office at 360-992-2158. 8 am-2 pm

2

Photo courtesy of Downtown Camas Association

F

RIDAY

of events

Oregon Children’s Theatre presents “Pete the Cat” at Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland. Showtimes: January 20-February 18, 2018, Saturdays at 2 pm & 5 pm, Sundays at 11 am & 2 pm (No 11 am show on 2/4, 2/11, or 2/18). Recommended for ages 4+. Tickets $14-$32 at www.octc. org/pete-the-cat. 2 & 5 pm Valentine Tea Party at Kazoodles Toys, 13503 SE Mill Plain Blvd. #B-3, Vancouver.

Dress in your fanciest clothes and join us for afternoon tea! We’ll start at Kazoodles with a craft, then walk down to Coventry Gardens for a lovely tea party. Space is limited, so please call 360-823-0123 to register. Cost: $2. 2 pm

4 SUNDAY

Oregon Children’s Theatre presents “Pete the Cat” (See Feb 3) 2 pm

10 SATURDAY

February Second Saturday at the Water Center: Love your Backyard Birds at City of Vancouver Water Resources Education Center, 4600 SE Columbia Way, Vancouver.

February is the perfect month to remember and show love to your backyard birds. It is also a good time to get ready for the Great Backyard Bird Count occurring Friday, Feb. 16, through Monday, Feb. 19. The Great Backyard Bird Count is an annual four-day continued on page 28

Downtown Camas Association is hosting a giant downtown wide wedding celebration!

Go to downtowncamas.com/event/weddingaffair-remember for details.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

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27

Calendar of Events & Activities (cont’d) continued from page 26

Oregon Children’s Theatre presents “Pete the Cat” (See Feb 3) 2 & 5 pm Slimed at the Library at Vancouver Community Library, 901 C St., Vancouver.

Do you like slimy, gross, squishy things? Join this fun afternoon featuring all things slimy.

Come ready to get messy with science!

2:30-3:30 pm A Trip to the Tropics at Cascade Park Community Library, 600 NE 136th Ave., Vancouver. Let’s pretend it’s beach weather!

Brighten up your winter with tropical arts and crafts. Families with children ages 2-12 encouraged to attend. 3-4:30 pm

11 SUNDAY

Oregon Children’s Theatre presents “Pete the Cat” (See Feb 3) 2 pm

13 TUESDAY

MAKE A Better World at Vancouver Community Library, 901 C St., Vancouver.

Join in on the 2nd Tuesday of each month to work on a community service project to make the world we live in a little bit better.

For makers age 9 and up. 6:30-7:30 pm

14 WEDNESDAY

Crafternoon at Kazoodles, 13503 SE Mill Plain Blvd. #B-3, Vancouver. Valentine’s Day, pizza edition! Come make “Pizza My Heart” Valentines. Cost: $2. 3-5 pm Kids’ Fun: Crazy Candy Science at Woodland Community Center, 782 Park St., Woodland. Have you ever seen a lollipop pop?! Find fun new ways to play with candy by conducting experiments with your favorite sweets this Valentine’s Day. 3:30-5 pm

17 SATURDAY

KidFest! NW’s Largest Family Expo at Portland Expo Center, 2060 N Marine Dr., Portland. Non-stop entertainment, interactive exhibits for kids, teens and parents, family fun

HRU

Oregon Children’s Theatre presents “Pete the Cat” (See Feb 3) 2 & 5 pm Fort Vancouver Lantern Tour at 1001 E 5th St., Vancouver. This tour offers attendees an opportunity to view many of the resources of Fort Vancouver National Historic Site in a different light: at night, on foot, and by candle lantern! Reservations for all Lantern Tours are required, and payment for the tour must be made at the time of the reservation.

Recommended for children ages 10 and over.

Cost is $20 for adults and $10 for children ages 15 and under. Call 360-816-6216 to make a reservation. 7 pm

18 SUNDAY

KidFest! NW’s Largest Family Expo at Portland Expo Center. (See Feb. 17) 10 am-4 pm Oregon Children’s Theatre presents “Pete the Cat” (See Feb 3) 2 pm continued on page 30

AT-SU

17-18

Photo courtesy KidFest NW

Photo credit: Owen Carey

S

N

18

zones, and much more. Cost: Family Pass: $25 (group of 5 people), $6 per person, Age 3 & Under free. 10 am-5 pm

N

ATT-SU

S

event that encourages bird watchers of all ages to tally the number of birds seen and create a real-time snapshot of their locations.

Please note: Children must be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Call 360-487-7111 or visit www.cityofvancouver.us/watercenter for more details. 1-3 pm

Rockin’ rebel Pete the Cat clashes with total square Jimmy Biddle, until they learn to work together to conquer 2nd grade!

28

With non-stop entertainment, interactive exhibits for kids, teens and parents, KidFest NW focuses on active and healthy family lifestyles and raising kids successfully.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

29

Calendar of Events & Activities (cont’d) continued from page 28

Financial Fitness for Kids at Kazoodles Toys, 13503 SE Mill Plain Blvd. #B-3, Vancouver. iQ Credit Union returns to Kazoodles with an excellent workshop on handling money. Grades K-2 are at 11:15 am, pizza is at noon, and grades 3-6 start at 12:30 pm. It’s all free, including fun workbooks and a piggy bank!

11:15 am-1:30 pm Fire and Ice–Mad Science of Portland at The Mall Library Connection, 8700 NE Vancouver Mall Dr, Ste 285, Vancouver.

The land of Fire and Ice is filled with dazzling demonstrations using fire, bubbling potions, and carbon dioxide gas frozen to 109°F below zero. Come and see just how hot and cool science can be! 4-5 pm

SA

24

Story Explorers at Camas Public Library, 625 NE 4th Ave., Camas. A book discussion group for 2nd-3rd grades and their parents.

How it works: Sign out a special copy of the book before the meeting. You both read the book. You both come to the meeting, and then keep your copy of the book for good, free! There will be snacks and an activity.

6:30 pm

AY

24 SATURDAY

TURD

28 WEDNESDAY

Crafternoon at Kazoodles Toys, 13503 SE Mill Plain Blvd. #B-3, Vancouver. Imitate a great artist with us by creating Great Wave paintings. Cost: $2. 3-5 pm

27 TUESDAY

Stenciled Totes for Teens at Battle Ground Community Library, 1207 SE 8th Way, Battle Ground. Teens (ages 12-18), come learn how to make stencils using freezer paper techniques and create your own one of a kind tote bag. 4-6 pm

iQ Credit Union and Kazoodles Toys help kids learn how to manage money at a free workshop.

d a e r p S

everywhere you go.

Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.

– Mother Teresa

30

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2018

advertiser index Camps, Parties & Entertainment Mountain View Ice Arena................................31 Naydenov Gymnastics.....................................7

Events Children’s Festival..........................................21 FVRL 2018 Bookmark Contest.......................17 Journey Theater Arts Group...........................27 Vancouver Parks and Recreation.....................5

Financial Guaranteed Education Tuition..........................2 iQ Credit Union.................................................3

Fitness Mountain View Ice Arena................................31 Naydenov Gymnastics.....................................7 Soccer Shots..................................................25

Health Adventure Dental............................................27 Barnick Chiropractic.........................................7 Child and Adolescent Clinic..............................3 Deluna Kids Dental...........................................9 Evergreen Pediatrics......................................13 Harmony Family Dentistry................................5 PeaceHealth Southwest.................................32 Priority Life Chiropractic and Massage...........27 The Vancouver Clinic......................................11 Vancouver Orthodontic Specialists.................29

Retail Kazoodles.........................................................7 Vancouver Mall...............................................17

Schools & Education EOCF................................................................5 The Gan Jewish Preschool............................13 King’s Way Christian School............................7 Naydenov Gymnastics.....................................7 Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic School.............15

Legal Schauermann, Thayer, Jacobs, Staples & Edwards PS...................................23

Resources ANC Movers...................................................27 EOCF................................................................5 Guaranteed Education Tuition..........................2

Vancouver VancouverFamily FamilyMagazine Magazine• •www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com• •December February 2016 2018

31

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