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contents

February ‘20

14

FEATURE ARTICLES

14

Relationship Tune-Up Couples counseling

20

Self-Defense for Kids Martial arts as training for self-defense and beyond

24

Youth Drug Prevention in Clark County Preventing drug abuse among teens in Clark County

IN EVERY ISSUE

10 24

6

Editor’s Notes

8

The New Domesticity Making room for more joy, one little decision at a time

10

Renaissance Dad Wasting time or banking time--depends on your perspective

28

Calendar of Events & Activities

ON THE WEB • Day Trip: Museum of Flight • National Children's Dental Health Month: Is Fluoride Safe?

20 4

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

5

Photo: Scarlette Richards – scarlette.squarespace.com

EDITOR'S NOTES

Confessions of a Control Freak My name is Nikki, and I am a control

freak. My brand of control is not for power or perfectionism, but for predictability. I

prepare, I plan. Problems ensue, of course.

But the epiphany is that I can convert that

annoying trait into a strength by controlling myself rather than

others. Mastering oneself is the only true control any of us possesses.

And my relationships can actually be enhanced when I abandon

manipulation in favor of practicing love, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, firmness when needed, and even letting some toxic

relationships go. I can’t control everyone around me, but I can control my reactions. That’s the secret, and we can’t hear it enough.

This month of Valentine’s Day and focus on marriage relationships can bring with it a renewed commitment to our spouses, and the

hard work it takes to maintain a stable, loving, healthy relationship.

Practicing the self-control needed for a marriage to work reaps

dividends for generations. Learn more about marriage maintenance through couples counseling on page 14.

www.VancouverFamilyMagazine.com

Volume 19, Issue 2 Publisher

Julie Buchan Julie@vancouverfamilymagazine.com (360) 882-7762

Editor

Nikki Klock Nikki@vancouverfamilymagazine.com (360) 882-7762

Associate Editor

Sarah Mortensen Sarah@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Graphic Designer

I-Shüan Warr Ishuan@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Ad Designer

Philip Nerat addesign@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Contributing Writers

Julianna Lawson, Perry P. Perkins, Brooke Strickland, Sara Halcumb, Dana Greyson

Ad Sales

sales@vancouverfamilymagazine.com Vancouver Family Magazine is published monthly by Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC Address: PO Box 820264 Vancouver, WA 98682 Tel: 360-882-7762 Copyright 2002-2020. All rights reserved.

No portion of Vancouver Family Magazine may be reproduced without the written permission from the publisher.

Nikki Klock, Editor nikki@vancouverfamilymagazine.com

Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC and staff do not recommend or endorse any service, product, or content represented in this magazine or on our website.

The sole purpose of this publication is to provide information on available services and/or products. It is the consumer’s responsibility to verify the accuracy of information given. Vancouver Kidz Magazine, LLC, and/or Julie Buchan and Nikki Klock and staff do not assume and disclaim any liability to any party for any loss or damage caused by error or omission in this magazine or on our website. We reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.

On the Cover:

High school sweethearts who were both born and raised in Clark County, Katie and Abram Jenks have the honor of raising three remarkable kids together. Abram is an Owner's Representative through Klosh Group, and Katie's passions of maternal mental health and essential oils give her opportunities to links arms with fellow moms all over the community.

Photo by Caley Marston.

Sweet Abandon Photography SweetAbandonPhotography.com

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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THE NEW DOMESTICITY

the

For

NEW DOMESTICITY

of a NA L

1

By Julianna Lawson

Earlier this winter, I finally decided to roll up my sleeves and embrace the wisdom of tidying expert Marie Kondo, who reminds her clients that “the goal of tidying is to make room for meaningful objects, people and experiences.” We create space for that which “sparks joy” and brings serenity to the home.

Dear reader: my home office did not spark joy. It sparked something more akin to horror. Admittedly, part of the motivation behind this urge to purge was a shift in our family’s lifestyle. Formerly, the office had been used as our home school room. It occurred to me that, with half of my children graduated, it was no longer a wise use of space to devote an entire room solely to that purpose. (It sometimes takes a while for the light to dawn.)

Accordingly, I dove in and looked for joy among papers and art supplies, setting aside important keepsakes and gladly tossing that which was no longer necessary. I found myself sorting through many items which my children hadn’t used in a very long time. It was tangible proof of how little decisions, made over time, can literally stack up.

Now, thankfully, this office is a beast I can conquer; a stack of to-be-filed papers will probably not lead to dire consequences.

Yet sometimes, the “little” decisions can lead to harsh realities, as described in the age-old poem and proverb, “For Want of a Nail.”

For want of a nail the shoe was lost.

For want of a shoe the horse was lost.

For want of a horse the rider was lost.

For want of a rider the battle was lost.

For want of a battle the kingdom was lost.

All for the want of a horseshoe nail.

ant

Perhaps the farrier in this poem was too lazy, distracted, or selfish to tend to that horseshoe nail when the need arose. “Ah, but I’ll take care of ye another day!” he may have grunted. And yet, that day never came . . . and all was lost.

Our homes are our kingdoms. It is by “littles” that we have opportunities to build up or tear down these kingdoms. Daily we are presented with decisions which, in the moment, may seem small. Yet if continued over time, they can affect the very core of family life. Take, for example, bedtime rituals. If your child asks for a bedtime story and you are simply too exhausted, it may seem like a “little” decision to say, “Not tonight, honey.” Enough “Not tonight, honey” responses, and a wedge slips between parent and child.

Now, on the flipside, “little” healthy decisions, continued over time, can have tremendous impact. Take this same scenario and insert a “yes,” instead. It may seem like a “little” thing to read one “Winnie the Pooh” bedtime story. But enough of these yes responses over time, and you have paved the way for communication and companionship to take precedent in the home.

As a quick mental housekeeping exercise, let’s look at home, habits and hospitality. In these domains we often make seemingly little decisions—decisions which have the power to strengthen or weaken our kingdoms.

HOME Posted above my kitchen sink are the words of “Cozy Minimalist Home” author, Myquillyn Smith. These words have recently guided me through many decisions: “Do what you know. Use what you have. Finish what you started.” What are the “horseshoe nails” in our homes? What are those seemingly little tasks which, if continued on next page

8

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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ignored long enough, could cause greater difficulty in the long run? My office is a humbling example: enough “I’ll sort through those schoolbooks later” decisions, and I now have a project on my hands.

HABITS Our habits are so, well, habitual, that we hardly notice the effects of them. Take a moment to step back and evaluate. What are the “horseshoe nails” in the habits we are developing in ourselves and our children? A disrespectful reply? A dependence on smartphones? On food? Money? How about the habit of hurry?

(Teacher John Mark Comer argues that hurry is “incompatible with love.”) Model loving, helpful, healthy habits for your children, and notice the difference it makes in your “kingdom.”

relationships. Little by little, these nails will serve to build love and strength into our kingdoms.

Julianna Lawson and her husband Jamie make their home in Vancouver with their four children, ages 14 to 21. When not sorting through Crayolas and composition books, Julianna can be found with a cup of tea in one hand and a good read in the other.

HOSPITALITY Hospitality isn’t so much inviting people into your home as it is making people feel at home in your presence. This can happen at a coffee shop, in the checkout line, or through an interaction with a spouse or child. Consider this reminiscence by “The Stillmeadow Road” author Gladys Taber: “When I was in high school, there never was an afternoon when I didn’t expect to have a cup of tea and some cookies with my mother when I got home.” A cup of tea is a loving attention to the “horseshoe nail” opportunities in our

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

9

RENAISSANCE DAD

Photos courtesy of the author

By Perry P. Perkins

He is a grizzled veter an.

His eyes bleached ice-blue in a leathery brown face; pocked by the blistering foreign sun. He looks tired, but resolute, radiating the fatalism of a man who has fought many a battle, marched many a dusty mile; a man who has lost, and won, and lost again, and now just marches on.

The dreaded feral chickens of Kauai

that she would prefer that we stop throwing gravel at the feral chickens.

The old man glances at me and nods. I nod back.

After that, it got kinda boring.

This old man and I have shared this lonely beach a thousand days, cast up here by the uncaring winds of fate, staring out at the empty sea and dreaming of escape.

He is old, I am . . . not as old, and yet we share a common fate, stranded here . . . so very far from home.

OK, OK . . . so it’s not a beach, it’s a bench . . . and we’ve shared it for about 45 minutes, staring longingly across the busy highway to the wave-lapped sands of Hanalei Bay, on the island of Kauai.

But it seems like a thousand days.

Behind us lies the bustling labyrinth of the Kauai Island Farmer’s Market and Craft Fair, and somewhere within that swarming anthill of touristy avarice are our wives.

I’m here with my friend Dane, whose wife Michelle is also lost, with mine, somewhere within this seething den of aloha-scented capitalism. We’d wandered, Dane and I, through the narrow, hibiscus-decked alleys, fingering the same kukui nut leis, and shark-tooth necklaces at each booth, and finding entertainment where we could . . . until an elderly native matron had indicated

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not adverse to simply wasting time. I am, in fact, quite adept at it. Just ask my wife.

It’s just that, after 20 years of marriage, I’ve come to believe that the reason women are so adverse to men wasting time, is not because our wives refuse to admit that certain of their activities are giant sucking worm-holes of time wasting (I would, of course, never suggest such a thing), so let’s just say that it’s because we have such different definitions of the term.

You see, men require exactly 3 ½ minutes (including time spent parking and choosing between a Chunky and a Zagnut bar at the checkout counter), to march into Walmart and grab a package of boxer briefs in one of four available sizes and colors.

And for most of us guys, this is after saving years of time by wearing the same three pairs of ratty, earth-tone tighty-whities until they look like they were savagely attacked and perhaps even worn by a herd of feral hogs.

So, logically, if the same purchase takes a heretofore unnamed spouse of the female gender 3 ½ hours, and I do it in 3 ½ minutes, I continued on next page

10

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

Kayaker. Musician.

Pediatrician.

Meet Curtis tvc.org/meet-curtis continued from previous page

have earned myself . . . 226 ½ minutes of time to do with as I wish.

Also, please keep in mind the vast amounts of time that we men save by abstaining from other time-wasting activities like replacing toilet paper rolls, matching our socks, basic personal hygiene, etc.

Think of those preciously horded minutes and hours as deposits in our Bank of Wasted Time. If we should choose to make an occasional withdrawal to, say, lay on the couch dipping corn chips in fudge frosting and watching “Gilligan’s Island” reruns, why should there be penalties?

Wait, where were we? Oh, yes! Kauai. The old man. The bench.

In all fairness, I don’t even like shopping in air-conditioned shopping malls, with gentle music, soft lights, and a wide variety of caffeine-laden beverages at my immediate disposal.

Top: Following the hordes into paradise Right: Kauai 2011

On top of that, I’m spending the equivalent of a monthly car payment (not my car, of course, but a nice car) daily to stay in this tropical paradise and here I am breathing tour bus fumes, swatting at mosquitos that look like they’ve just escaped from “Jurassic Park” and basically doing the same activity that, at home, I pretend to have chest-pains to get out of. continued on page 12 Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

11

Renaissance Dad: Wasting Time in Paradise (cont'd) continued from page 11

You can imagine the child-like wonder and excitement that fills my heart.

some kalua pork to sustain us . . . but I do not hold out much hope.

There is little hope in this place.

Not to mention that somewhere, deep in the inner rings of this tropical Dante’s Circle, my wife and daughter are loose with our credit card, which is already hot-to-the-touch and smelling slightly charred from a week of “vacation-mode” spending.

I smile wanly at the old man, as if to say, “I feel your pain.”

Dane wandered back into this Bordertown on the Sea some time ago, hoping to find our spouses.

Perry P. Perkins is a third-generation chef, award-winning writer, and culinary instructor in Longview. He operates the MY KITCHEN Outreach Program, for at-risk and under-served youth. His writing has appeared in hundreds of publications, including many “Chicken Soup for the Soul” anthologies.

Dane is a good man. . . I’ll miss him. Perhaps he will return someday with them in tow, or at least with a pineapple whip and

He smiles back grimly.

Lonely beach in Kauai

12

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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Feature: Relationship Tune-Up: Couples Counseling

Couples Counseling

By Dana Greyson

“Most couples wait much too long to reach out for help repairing their marriage… an average of six years of being unhappy before getting help.”

- Dr. John Gottman

A Catalyst for Counseling “We were not getting any sleep. We were tired, so tired. I didn’t feel like he was doing enough. He probably felt the same. We were fighting a ton.” One night over a diaper change, it reached a head . . . voices raised, pleas for help unheard, a door slammed. ‘We’re going to counseling!’”

- Marilyn (name changed), a Vancouver-based counselor, wife and mother.

“Most couples are in distress when they seek counseling,” confirms Lemecia Lindsey, licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), a Vancouver-based counselor with more than 10 years of couples therapy experience. “They are feeling disconnected and distant from each other. They might be arguing more. One or more may

be threatening divorce. They may have completely withdrawn and pulled away from their relationship. Sometimes couples therapy is driven by a suspicion or disclosure of infidelity.”

Before trying counseling, Marilyn and her husband tried a book; they tried sharing more. Neither worked, “We just needed someone to help us,” she says. Marilyn called around to see who was available and accepted her health insurance. She focused on finding a therapist who specialized specifically in couples counseling.

Can Counseling Save a Relationship?

According to the American Psychological Association, couples counseling using Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) is roughly 75% effective. Created by clinical psychologist Sue Johnson PhD, EFT is one of the leading research-based therapies for couples.

The EFT method is based on attachment theories used in other areas of psychology and “prioritizes emotion and emotional regulation as the key organizing agents in individual experience and key relationship interactions.”

Love is a verb, not a noun.

In the end, it isn’t something you have, you say, or you feel.

It’s something you do. – Eric Barker 14

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

Lindsey, who specializes in EFT, observes that a genuine desire to repair a relationship, to reconnect with friendship, openness to the process and a willingness to share emotions are the most important attitudes for couples counseling success. Though she notes, “It’s not a deal-breaker if both partners don’t have these characteristics initially. I have seen miracles happen in couples therapy.” continued on next page

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She’s seen relationships recover even after one of partners has already given up—not an uncommon scenario by the time couples enter couples counseling. The partner who’s given up may be reluctant to re-engage and open their heart for fear of being let down yet again.

What about Couples Counseling When . . .

There are Addiction Issues?

There is growing evidence that early intervention with couples helps, even when there is an addiction present. Behavioral couples therapy (BCT), is a treatment approach for drug abusers and their partners. Couples who participate in BCT consistently reported greater reductions in substance use than those who received only individual counseling. They also reported higher levels of relationship satisfaction and more improvements in other areas of their relationship and family functionality; however, couples recovery therapy does not replace individual addiction recovery therapy.

There are Mental Health Issues?

“If you don’t talk about it, you’re going to have problems,” emphasizes Deana Davis, Executive Assistant for SW Washington’s National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) chapter.

Davis actively participates in couples counseling with her partner due to her mental health challenges. Organizations such as (NAMI), Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA), and Mental Health America (MHA) offer great information, resources and support.

The Relationship Is Over?

Sometimes one partner does not want to repair and reconcile through therapy. This usually surfaces early in sessions, typically when there is infidelity and that partner decides to continue with the relationship outside of the marriage. Individual counseling for the other spouse can help them work through any grief or feelings of rejections they face as a result.

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becomes more challenging but just as vital for the well-being of the children. Collaborative divorce attorneys are excellent sources for recommending counselors who specialize in this.

There is Domestic Violence?

Counseling is not recommended when there is current or recent domestic violence in the relationship.

What Does Couples Counseling Cost?

The average cost of therapy is $60 to $120 per session, with typical out-of-pocket payments of $20 to $250 per hour, depending on continued on page 18

Yet, counseling is still helpful when couples who’ve determined they are ending their relationship seek ways to part as amicably as possible. This is especially important for parents, as when the partnership ends, co-parenting

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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Feature: Relationship Tune-Up: Couples Counseling (cont'd) continued from page 15

the number of sessions booked, and health insurance coverage.

Employee assistance programs (EAP) and social services can also provide therapy for free or at a reduced cost.

Results of Counseling Marilyn and her husband’s goals were to communicate better about what they needed in order to reduce anger and frustration.

They realized they needed to focus on their relationship, not just on being good parents.

“I expected the counselor to take my side,” Marilyn confessed.

“She didn’t. That shocked me. She was neutral, which was great.

She asked, ‘Do you want to be in the marriage?’ We both did.”

Their counselor normalized, but didn’t catastrophize their situation, explaining, “You guys are just in the thick of it.” She gave them some communication worksheets. They attended sessions for a couple months. Then . . .

“Everything just fell into place, and we probably just started getting some more sleep,” Marilyn concluded. She realized that when they reached a point where they could meet their needs just by going on a date, that their counseling had achieved its goal.

A Counselor’s View of the Process “Many clients feel a positive shift within the first few sessions in their relationships,” observes Lindsey. “Clients usually say, ‘Something feels different but we don’t know what,’ or ‘We have been arguing less,’ and ‘We feel more comfortable around each other.’” She says couples should usually notice improvement within the first 6-8 sessions and that treatment can last 3-6 months or longer, depending upon the severity of the situation.

Is Couples Counseling Right for You? Marilyn urges other couples to go for it. “I just think couples counseling is a great thing to do, like an oil change. It’s a good idea to get a tune-up for your marriage. Don’t be ashamed to do it. Our counseling highlighted that we cared deeply about each other. We had been too focused on our baby to see that.”

“Unfortunately, some people believe couples therapy is only something that you do as a last-ditch effort right before divorce.

Because of this stigma many couples wait too long to get help,” Lindsey laments. “We need to change our mindset around seeking couples therapy and see it more as a priority for wellness in our life. It’s no different than when we go to the gym to exercise, to the doctor for a checkup, routine car maintenance, or the dentist for a cleaning. Our relationships are one of the greatest gifts in our lives. When we are feeling safe and close to our partners, we can weather the storms of life and experience greater happiness and life satisfaction. When our relationships are in order, we also provide a healthy environment for raising our children, creating a healthy template for them to learn from for their future relationships.”

What Else Can You Consider?

Three Healthy Relationship Habits Lindsey offers these recommendations for couples: • Accept that you are on the same team. Relationship issues are not one person’s problem but instead happen when you’re both caught in a “dance of disconnection.” You can step back and learn to dance together, what each other’s emotional needs are, and your reactions to each other.

Sessions usually start out weekly, then shift to bimonthly, then monthly. This gives clients continued support moving forward to address issues that arise.

• Learn to express your softer emotions: grief, loss, rejection, unworthiness and shame, rather than hard emotions of anger, blame, hostility, coldness, etc. continued on next page

18

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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19

Feature: Self-Defense for Kids: Protect and Enhance Body and Mind

Self-Defense for Protect Kids: and

Enhance Body and Mind

P

arenting today involves confronting a host of concerns that our parents and grandparents did not have to deal with.

Cyberbullying from peers is now a reality for many kids, and child predators are on the prowl. But some dangers never change. Both kids and adults have always benefitted from the ability to defend themselves physically if the need arose.

And learning self-defense goes beyond physical protection. It can also enhance young people’s everyday lives and inner confidence, giving them tools for success as they grow and enter adulthood.

Benefits of Self-Defense Training For parents looking for ways to have their kids learn proper self-defense

20

By Brooke Strickland techniques, martial arts classes are very common and widely available. Whether it is Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, self-defense training or even kickboxing, all martial arts teach children a variety of techniques which empower them with knowledge that can safeguard them from harm.

Physical Strength and Confidence Doug Bertrand, Master Instructor at East West Martial Arts, has more than three decades of experience in martial arts and self-defense training. He shares that the physical benefits of this kind of training can be significant. “Each student will increase in strength, flexibility and hand-eye coordination, being able to master each new level of difficulty as they

Photo credits: Mason Bertrand

make advancements in their belt ranks.

This physical training allows a student to develop a lifestyle that promotes health and well-being.”

Bertrand explains that while physical strength is important for self-defense, there is more to it than just muscle. “Selfdefense training is more than the physical aspect of being strong and flexible. It is also more than stopping the bad guy or knowing how to stand up to a bully. By practicing physical routines, [kids] learn to block out distractions and focus on the task at hand. Empowering them through confidence will allow them to use their voice and speak up when they feel they are being bullied. Confidence in your body language also sends a message to any continued on page 22

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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21

Feature: Self-Defense for Kids: Protect and Enhance Body and Mind (cont'd) continued from page 20

predators that you will not be worth the effort.”

Character Development Instilling strong values in your children is part of your job as a parent and sometimes it can feel like a daunting task. Local mother, Carolee Barbier, enrolled her daughter Adriana, now in high school, in martial arts training almost 13 years ago. She explains how it has supported Adriana’s emotional development, teaching her values that can be taken into real life situations: “Since starting martial arts, Adriana has learned how to set goals and achieve them,” she shares. “It has also taught her confidence in herself and her abilities. Emotionally, it gives her an outlet to relieve stress and anxiety that comes from being a teenager growing up these days. She’s also made some great friends who she enjoys hanging out with outside of class.”

Martial arts training aims to teach young people resilience and discipline. It encourages them to take responsibility for their actions, models accountability, and gives them the skills necessary to persist and work through life’s challenges.

22

Mental Acuity Self-defense training through martial arts can enhance mental acuity and give young people tools to help them focus. Bertrand shares, “Mental acuity is developed by learning how to control your body. Self-discipline and responsibility are promoted through practicing curriculum to advance in belt rank. Emotionally you will see a student’s confidence grow as they learn a new technique or physical skill.” Adriana agrees that the mental and physical components go hand in hand.

She is now studying Krav Maga (an Israeli form of martial arts), broadening her understanding of self-defense techniques.

“Thankfully, I have not had to use my physical knowledge of martial arts in a real setting,” she says. “The mental-emotional part of martial arts makes me more aware of my surroundings and keeps me alert.”

Building Life Skills Both Adriana and Bertrand believe that martial arts can be beneficial for anyone, young and old alike. The skills gained are truly impactful and meant to last a lifetime and in everyday situations.

Adriana explains, “Martial arts has helped

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

me grow as a person by learning how to defend myself. It has also taught me perseverance, patience, and how to make long-lasting friendships with my peers.”

Bertand expands by saying, “My advice to any parent would be not to get tunnel vision and get caught up in just the self-defense aspect of martial arts. While self-defense is a part of what martial arts teaches, martial arts as a whole is so much more than just self-defense. Building amazing life skills and empowering a child’s life through martial arts will have more value and a lasting effect. Longer lasting aspects of self-discipline, focus, self-control and the ability to tackle challenges with a positive attitude gives value throughout someone’s entire life.”

A lifelong resident of the Pacific Northwest, Brooke Strickland is a freelance writer who stays busy writing for publications around the U.S. When she’s not writing, she can be found reading a historical fiction novel on her front porch in Vancouver, trying a new recipe in the kitchen, or spending time with her husband and two kids. Contact her at brookestrickland. org

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23

Feature: Youth Substance Abuse Prevention: Connection is Key

Youth Substance Abuse Prevention:

n t io c e n n o C is Key

By Sara Halcumb, RN

You are your child’s strongest influence.

I’m going to be honest with you. I am dreading the day that my kids start to feel pressure or get curious about substances like drugs, alcohol and nicotine products.

Right now, they are only 4 and 7 and their biggest crisis is eating their veggies at dinner. Yet, I know the day will come when they have to make difficult decisions and choose a path to take. My hope is when they are in that situation, they have a solid foundation, make positive choices and feel like they can come to me for guidance.

As a nurse, I have seen the effects of substance abuse on the body, mind and soul. The physical side effects range from mild to long-term damage, and the emotional toll on families, friends and the community is severe. Relationships, productivity and job-performance are all compromised when dependence on substances develops into addiction.

According to Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), the majority of

adults who have a substance abuse disorder started using substances when they were teens or young adults, so a major component of creating a healthier community is helping young people avoid drugs and other harmful substances.

Clark County Youth Substance Use A 2018 Healthy Youth Survey of 10th graders in Clark County found that 17% use marijuana, 17% drink alcohol, 9% binge drink and 4% misuse prescription pain killers. Since 2008, these numbers have actually been trending down, while the use of vapor products is emerging as a problem.

According to Clark County Public Health, “Use of vapor products is considered unsafe for teens. Most e-cigarettes contain nicotine, which can cause addiction and can harm adolescent brain development.

Vapor products are now the most common nicotine containing product used by youth.”

Anyone who takes care of youth, whether

Go to VancouverFamilyMagazine.com for Clark County drug abuse prevention resources for parents and teens.

24

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

it is a parent, guardian, grandparent, teacher or coach, has a responsibility to guide them in making the right decisions around substance use. But, how do we do that exactly?

Recently, I had the privilege of connecting to a local mom and her teen who are both making a big impact in our community.

Delena Meyer has advocated for youth and families across Washington state for more than two decades. Delena is the former chair of Connect Evergreen Coalition and is a respected leader in regional prevention and resilience work.

I asked Meyer what parents can do to help their child who may be feeling pressured to use substances. “The concept of peer pressure is often misunderstood,” she shared. “From my experience with middle and high school youth, it is far less about pressure from other kids. What teens have told us (and adults are beginning to see) is that youth substance use is far more about needing to find relief from toxic stress, seeking a sense of connection and continued on next page

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belonging, or not having access to healthy and appropriate engagement. Like all of us, teens don’t make their best decisions if they are in fight or flight mode, if they feel alone in the world, or if they are bored and ignored. Parents also need to realize how much our behavior is noticed by our kids.

We are still our kids’ strongest influencer, regardless of what Instagram may say. If we self-medicate or cope with wine, beer, cannabis, or other substances, our kids can learn to manage their feelings and stress that way too. It’s unreasonable to show them unhealthy ways of coping and expect them to ‘do it better than I do.’ If there are concerns about using substances to cope, ask for help. Showing our kids how to heal and how to address problems head-on is one of the bravest things a parent can do, and it is healthiest for all of us.”

that connection matters more than compliance, in most cases. That doesn’t mean we ignore accountability. Teens are more likely to comply with rules that are developed within a strong and healthy relationship. Parents and caregivers should be clear about boundaries.”

• As the adult in the relationship, make apologies normal and make repairs meaningful.

Tips from Meyer on creating a healthy parent-teen relationship: • Have regular, open-ended family meetings. Send out a group text prior to the meeting asking for topics, so everyone helps craft the agenda.

I also got the privilege of interviewing Delena’s teen child, Oliver, about youth substance prevention in Clark County.

• Be responsible for your own actions as the parent and own your mistakes.

Dream big. Plan ahead.

Sara: What organization(s) are you involved in that support youth substance prevention in Clark County?

With Washington College Savings Plans, you can start • Listen to your child without trying to I’m a peer educator with STASHA planning, save for college, and invest for aOliver: brighter future. fix the problem or correct them in the [Clark County Strong Teens Against

Meyer emphasizes strong bond and connection between youth and parents as vital. “Parents must understand

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• Ask your teen if they need comfort, advice, or just space to vent when there is an issue in their life.

Substance Hazards and Abuse Peer Education Program]. STASHA is a youth led county-wide coalition that trains youth to educate their peers on topics that matter to us like coping, mental health, being a continued on page 26

The Clark County STASHA (Strong Teens Against Substance Hazards and Abuse) Peer Education Program works “to prevent substance abuse among our peers and within our community using our own words GET and DreamAhead are qualified tuition programs sponsored and distributed by the State of Washington. The Committee on Advanced Tuition Payment and and in our own way.”

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

25

Feature: Youth Substance Abuse Prevention: Connection is Key (cont'd) continued from page 25

good support person, and making healthy decisions. I also serve as a youth sector representative for Connect Evergreen Coalition. Prevention matters because I want to create a better environment for myself and the people I care for.

More Tips for Practicing Prevention u

You are the most powerful influence in your child’s life.

u

Secure your medication and keep it out of reach of children.

u

Start the conversation early with tips from www.StartTalkingNow.org.

Sara: What is some advice you can give a youth who may be feeling pressured to use substances like drugs and alcohol?

u

Set clear boundaries and expectations about substance use in your family.

u

Know who your kids spend time with and what they are doing.

Oliver: Some things that have helped me are connecting to friends, listening to or making music, crying, and many other things, depending on the situation. It may not feel like it, but there are always other options, and you need to find ways to keep yourself safe in the ways you can.

u

Stay connected to local coalitions and organizations in the community.

Use healthy parenting skills: supportiveness, communication, involvement, monitoring and supervision.

u

Sara: What are some ways youth can stay educated and informed about substance prevention in our area?

Oliver: Talk to counselors or teachers!

Most of the time, they’re really cool people who want you to succeed. You can also go online, apply to STASHA, join any of the local coalitions, or just help with one project.

In talking with the Meyers and researching youth substance prevention organizations, I found one key trend when it comes to prevention: connection. While making boundaries and holding youth accountable is important, forming healthy bonds is just as vital to prevention. It is important that the relationship is built on authentic connection and trust, where youth feel safe and free to be who they are.

Sara Halcumb is a registered nurse with more than 10 years of experience in healthcare.

She also writes for the Southwest Washington blog, Literally Simple. Sara was born and raised in the Pacific Northwest and currently lives in Battle Ground with her husband and their two children. Most days you can find her enjoying the beautiful outdoors with her family and their dog, Bandit.

26

Learn more about Delena Meyer and the work she is doing with trauma-informed approaches at Way-enough.com.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

27

CALENDAR OF EVENTS & ACTIVITIES

Calendar

February ‘20

of events

S M T W T F S 1

2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29

Have a community event that you want to share?

Go to www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com and click on “Calendar” to submit your event. Deadline for print calendar submissions is the 1st of the month prior to the issue.

Providence Academy Public Tour, at 400 E Evergreen Blvd., Vancouver. Experience Providence Academy, a Vancouver historical site that was built by Mother Joseph of the Sacred Heart in 1873 and served as a school, orphanage, and governance offices for the Sisters of Providence. 10-11 am Oregon Children’s Theatre Presents “Dragons Love Tacos” at Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland. This hilarious, dance-filled journey into the field of Dragonology is equal parts ridiculous and delicious, and has all the ingredients for a fantastic time! Admission: $15-$34.

2 pm & 5 pm

2 SUNDAY

Oregon Children’s Theatre Presents “Dragons Love Tacos” at Newmark

S

AY

ATURD

Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland. (See Feb. 1) 11 am & 2 pm Oregon Symphony Presents “The Young Person’s Guide to the Orchestra” at Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, Portland. A musical adventure inside the orchestra. Admission: $11-$42. 2 pm ‘Couve Comics Workshop at Vancouver Community Library, 901 C St., Vancouver.

Want to make your own comic books or graphic novels but not sure where to start?

Local artist John Burkett will show you how to put your ideas down on paper. All drawing abilities welcome! Ages 16+. 3:30-5:30 pm

6 THURSDAY

Sing Here Now Community Choir at Mannahouse Church, 14313 Mill Plain Blvd., Vancouver. This is a community choir that provides an opportunity for people in the early stages of memory loss and their care partners to enjoy music and socialize. The program is free. Each 5-8-week session concludes with a community concert, where members share the songs they have been practicing with a live audience. Participation is free, but registration is required: 800-2723900. 10:30 am-12 pm

Photo credit: Bob Holcomb

7 FRIDAY

28

Check out our website for even mo re local events .

Events are subject to change. Please contact organization directly to confirm. All library events are free and open to the public.

1 SATURDAY

1

activities

Father Daughter Valentine’s Ball at Pearson Air Museum, 1115 E 5th St., Vancouver. Treat your child to a wonderful evening of music and dancing at the Historic Hangar at Pearson Air Museum, with gracious support from the National Parks Service. Enjoy a local DJ, desserts and

refreshments, a temporary tattoo station and a professional photographer to take keepsake photos of your evening together. Admission: $13-$15. 6-8 pm

8 SATURDAY

NW Children’s Theater Presents “The Jungle Book” at 1819 NW Everett St., Portland. Telling the story of a mischievous young boy and his adventures in the jungles of India, “The Jungle Book” comes to life through traditional Indian dance and a dash of “Bollywood!” 12 pm & 4 pm Oregon Children’s Theatre Presents “Dragons Love Tacos” at Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland.

(See Feb. 1) 2 pm & 5 pm

9 SUNDAY

NW Children’s Theater Presents “The Jungle Book” at 1819 NW Everett St., Portland. (See Feb. 8) 12 pm & 4 pm Oregon Children’s Theatre Presents “Dragons Love Tacos” at Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland.

(See Feb. 1) 11 am & 2 pm

15 SATURDAY

Oregon Children’s Theatre Presents “Dragons Love Tacos” at Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland.

(See Feb. 1) 2 pm & 5 pm NW Children’s Theater Presents “The Jungle Book” at 1819 NW Everett St., Portland. (See Feb. 8) 12 pm & 4 pm continued on page 30

The Historic Trust offers a free public tour of the Providence Academy to learn more about the rich history it holds within. Tours are held on the first Saturday of every month. Reservations required.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

29

Calendar of Events & Activities (cont’d)

JAN. 30 MAR 12

continued from page 28

Oregon Children’s Theatre Presents “Dragons Love Tacos” at Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, Portland.

(See Feb. 1) 11 am & 2 pm NW Children’s Theater Presents “The Jungle Book” at 1819 NW Everett St., Portland. (See Feb. 8) 12 pm ‘Couve Comics Workshop at Vancouver Community Library, 901 C St., Vancouver.

(See Feb. 2) 3:30-5:30 pm

18 TUESDAY

Documentary and Discussion: “Promised Land” at Vancouver Community Library, 901 C St., Vancouver. “Promised Land” is an award-winning social justice documentary that follows two tribes in the Pacific Northwest: the Duwamish and the Chinook, as they fight for the restoration of treaty rights they’ve long been denied. A speaker from the Chinook Nation will be joining in discussion after the film to discuss the ongoing struggle for indigenous recognition. 5-8 pm

19 WEDNESDAY

Re-Imagined Radio at Kiggins Theatre, 1011 Main St., Vancouver. Start with a 1936 theatre. Re-enact historic radio dramas complete with voice actors and Foley sound artists. Garnish with digital SFX, music, and visual backdrops. Invite a live audience to watch, eat popcorn, and participate via social media. The result: Re-Imagined Radio— storytelling as never before heard or seen.

February: “Valentine Special.” Admission: $10-$12. 7-9 pm

21 FRIDAY

Toddler Drive-In at Battle Ground Community Library, 1207 SE 8th Way, Battle Ground. Have fun with your toddler and start the new year with a fancy new car! Decorate box cars, and

TURDA

SA

Photo courtesy of David Kalhous

30

Y

29

then watch a short movie afterward.

Bring your car home to continue the fun! Open to ages 2-4.

10:30-11:30 am

Photo credit: The Alzheimer's Association

16 SUNDAY

22 SATURDAY

NW Children’s Theater Presents “The Jungle Book” at 1819 NW Everett St., Portland. (See Feb. 8) 12 pm & 4 pm Lantern Tour: An Evening at the Fort at 612 E Reserve St., Vancouver.

Experience Fort Vancouver by candle lantern. Tour with a Park Ranger through each building, enjoying experiences of historical vignettes. Visitors will enjoy a cup of hot cider at the end of the tour.

Reservations are required for all Lantern Tours. To make reservations, call 360816-6216. Admission: $10-$25. 7-9 pm

The Sing Here Now choir in Vancouver is the first-ever of its kind! The choir presents opportunities for members to connect with others through the universal language of music.

23 SUNDAY

NW Children’s Theater Presents “The Jungle Book” at 1819 NW Everett St., Portland. (See Feb. 8) 12 pm & 4 pm

25 TUESDAY

Watershed Alliance Film Series: “The Need to Grow” at Vancouver Community Library, 901 C St., Vancouver. “The Need to Grow” is Rosario Dawson’s awardwinning documentary that many are calling the environmental film the world has been waiting for. With the planet on the brink of ecological disaster, and chronic disease rates skyrocketing, this is a story of real-world solutions. It will warm your heart, fill you with hope, and inspire you to take action. 6-8 pm

26 WEDNESDAY

Montserrat: Volcanoes of the Caribbean at Woodland Community Library, 770 Park St., Woodland. Enjoy the first program of a series presented by the Mount St. Helens Institute. Sonja Melander, author of the children’s book, “Montserrat, Our Home,” will be teaching about the fascinating world of the Caribbean island Montserrat and its active volcano, the Soufriere Hills.

4-5 pm

27 THURSDAY

Lessons Learned from Mount St. Helens at Battle Ground Community Library, 1207 SE 8th Way, Battle Ground. The Mount St. Helens Institute will conclude their 3-part series on the awe-inspiring and everchanging landscape of Mount St. Helens in the 40 years since its eruption. 6-7:30 pm

29 SATURDAY

KidFest at Portland Expo Center, 2060 N Marine Dr., Portland. Live stage entertainment, inflatable fun zones, rock climbing, paintball, zipline, Mad Science, Family Circus, Character Village featuring Disney characters, Star Wars appearances, family resources and exhibits, and more.

Tickets: $6/person or $25 for family pass, plus $10 parking. 10 am-5 pm NW Children’s Theater Presents “The Jungle Book” at 1819 NW Everett St., Portland. (See Feb. 8) 12 pm & 4 pm Musica Lanterna at Tandem Hall, 808 Main St., Vancouver. Musica Lanterna is a classical concert series project that transports classical music out of traditional performance venues and introduces it to the neighborhoods in which people socialize, relax, and play—connecting them with each other and their communities through music.

Admission: $25–$44. 7-9 pm Lantern Tour: An Evening at the Fort at 612 E Reserve St., Vancouver. (See Feb. 22) 7-9 pm

Musica Lanterna's mission is to challenge the perception of how classical music is viewed by taking it out of the concert hall and into the community. Critically acclaimed pianist David Kalhous performs in February.

Vancouver Family Magazine • www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com • February 2020

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Health Adventure Dental............................................27 Barnick Chiropractic.......................................21 Camas Medspa..............................................27 Child and Adolescent Clinic..............................3 Evergreen Pediatrics........................................9 PeaceHealth...................................................32 Priority Life Chiropractic and Massage...........25 Pure Care Pro................................................21 Storybook Dental............................................29 Vancouver Clinic.............................................11 Vancouver Vision Clinic..................................19

Retail ArchCrafters.....................................................3 Kazoodles.........................................................2 Pure Care Pro................................................21 Vancouver Mall.................................................5

Legal Schauermann, Thayer, Jacobs, Staples & Edwards PS...................................23

Services Applied Team Insurance.................................21 Camas Medspa..............................................27

Schools & Education EOCF................................................................2 ESD112..........................................................19 The Gan Jewish Preschool..............................3 Good Shepherd Montessori...........................15

Resources EOCF................................................................2 ESD112..........................................................19 Home Buyer’s and Seller’s Seminars...............5 Washington College Savings Plans..................7

Vancouver VancouverFamily FamilyMagazine Magazine• •www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com www.vancouverfamilymagazine.com• •December February 2016 2020

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It’s your moment.

From the moment you learned you were pregnant; the moment you first felt your baby kick; the moment you saw your baby for the first time – becoming a mom is full of joyful moments you’ll cherish for a lifetime.

Our devoted Family Birth Center team is here for you at every step of your journey.

Birthing classes, private suites and dedicated, family focused care will help keep you and baby healthy before, during and after delivery.

Learn more at peacehealth.org/vancouvermom or call 360-558-3451