Overwhelmed: The Single Moms Magazine

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written by Melanie Stone hen it’s dinnertime, my family comes

4:4, Ephesians 2:16, I Corinthians 12:12-25), I Corinthians

running, ready to eat. As the mama

10:17, Romans 12:4-5).

of our family, I make sure that I pre-

Psalm 68:5, 6 “A father of the fatherless, and a judge

pare a place setting for every person coming to my

and protector of the widows, is God in His holy hab-

table. As a pastor’s wife, I recognize the importance

itation. God places the solitary in families…”

of doing the same thing for the people entering our churches. The church is more than a building, more

If interdependence is not met in the local church, a per-

than an organization. We are spiritual family. When the church is growing, we need to add another place setting at the table, the same as we would with our own family. Kara is our youngest daughter. What kind of a mama would I be if I said, “Sorry, Kara, we don’t have room for you. You’ll have to go outside while the rest of us eat our dinner?” No, we don’t want to leave any member of the family out! Single parents and their children are part of our church family. We want to make sure that we are inviting them to the table and preparing for them to sit and eat with us. The family is God’s idea. His plan is for us to be dependent upon Him and interdependent on one another. God’s purpose for the family is to extend love, acceptance, value and companionship. It is to experience life together, celebrating the joys and overcoming the sorrows. It is to share our strengths, abilities and resources. God’s purpose of interdependence in the local church also includes working and functioning together to accomplish a goal, to create milestones of victories with God, and to grow in a healthy environment. It is God’s intention that we become one fam-

son attempts to find fulfillment in the world - a void that can only be satisfied by God and His plan for His family. Single moms should never feel alone. Pastors, church leaders, and Christians should make sure that we set a place at the table w w w. d or othyj n e wton . com

for single mothers and their children, and our family will be all the more blessed by it! Melanie Stone has served in ministry since 1988. She and her husband, Jerry, are founders of GrowChurches.com, an online resource used to equip and empower churches around the globe. Melanie has trained church pastors and

w w w. d or othyj n e wton .com

missionaries, as well as being involved in multiple church planting adventures. She currently serves on the board of The Life of a Single Mom Ministries.

www.dorothyjnewton.com

ily through the blood of Jesus Christ (see Colossians 3:15, Ephesians

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Positive Words for Single Moms

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here are few extended families in America that don’t have at least one single mother in them for various reasons, such as military duty, divorce, death, absentee fathers, or never married. Many of these moms encounter difficult circumstances at each stage of their child’s life. There are decisions to be made every day about the child’s diet, doctor, dentist, daycare, and discipline – just to name a few. What about following up on homework, household duties, and character building activities, while juggling parent-teacher conferences and other extracurricular activities? Are you tired yet? Are you a single mom who can add even more to this list? Three wonderful women in my family are single mothers, so single moms, you hold a special place in my heart! And in my years of watching them successfully parent alone, as well as ministering to women across the world, I have learned a few things about the journey. Instead of living stressed, angry, or frustrated, embrace the following:

Live in the present. Accept the blessing of parenthood as just that, a bless-

Each issue, we are committed to bring you, the single parent, resources that will add value to your life, encourage you, and/or meet a tangible need.

ing. Be filled with gratitude for your health, strength, resources, knowledge, wisdom, and most importantly the hope that is offered to you from the Lord.

Decide to pursue a positive posture. Recite positivity over your day. • I am willing to do my best for me and my child in spite of difficulties.

from

Mama T WRITTEN BY THELMA WELLS

• I manage our schedules and finances with intelligence and security. • I compliment and support my children with love, discipline, understanding and sensitivity. • I relinquish my feelings of inadequacy to the competences of God and trust Him to lead and guide me. • I won’t rely on others for my emotional stability. • I listen with attention to my children and help build up their self-image. • I know I can rely on the power of God to meet me at the point of my need. • I am victorious though Christ who strengthens me.

Remember that you are not alone. Mary, the mother of our Lord Jesus, was a single mom. If God strengthened her, then He will be there for you, too! Thelma Wells (aka Mama T) – is a noted teach, author, and speaker and founder of A Woman of God Ministries. For more than thirty years, she has encouraged women to be all God has called them to be. For more information, visit www. ThelmaWells.com

• I am a strong and resilient mother who is able to think and reason constructively.

MOMS TOGETHER

PRAYING SINGLE MOMS

Suzie Eller, of Proverbs 31 Ministries, had a dream in her heart – a dream to see all mothers from around the world connected and encouraged. Already an accomplished author and speaker, Suzie decided to put in dream into action, and in December 2010, Moms Together was formed. Moms Together is an online community, hosted by a variety of parenting experts, designed to come alongside moms with real-life help and community to support, encourage, and pray for each other in motherhood. Moms Together are moms of faith who are single, married, stay at home moms, working moms, military moms, moms with toddlers, tweens, multiples, teens, college students, young adults, special needs moms, or moms who just discovered they are pregnant or are trying to get pregnant, grandmas (still a mom!), and mother-inlaws! Moms Togethers hosts more than 11,000 mothers daily and growth is stronger than ever. What will they talk about? Perhaps the better question is, what won’t they talk about?! From recipes to raising kids to sex to nursing to adoption to preparing for an empty nest to handling difficult in-laws or family members, to working at home (whew! that’s only the beginning of mom topics!), their goal is to connect five days a week for instant Q&A, encouragement, prayer, and to offer spiritual and practical encouragement to moms. Join for free at https://www.facebook.com/MomsTogether.

Founded in 2009, the Praying Single Mothers Organization (PSM) is a unified voice of single mothers. Its founder, Laveda Jones, uses her own sojourn through single parenting and divorces as a light to encourage others. PSM’s mission is to empower, restore, and equip single mothers through conferences, workshops, mentoring, and prayer. PSM provides weekly prayer calls, networking events, and various resources to gain and maintain a holistic life, particularly in rearing children effectively. PSM represents single mothers from all facets of life: single, divorced, separated, surrogate, foster, and widowed. PSM is a place where single mothers from everywhere network, pray, fellowship, receive empowerment, and gather resources. For more information, visit www.prayingsinglemother.org

My two sons and I found the days before Father’s Day no cause for celebration.

I cried with him and said, “C.J. you know you have a perfect father in

Their dad and I were divorced, and although he lived just a few miles away, he

Heaven that loves you very much. He will never let you down, never leave you,

often made arrangements with our boys that left them standing disappointed

never hurt you and He wants you to grow up to be just like Him. Let’s spend

on our front porch.

every Father’s Day celebrating the dad you’re going to be some day. You’ll get

Each day in class at school, the kids were making Father’s Day crafts for

presents and cards for maybe 15 years!”

their fathers. My son never said anything to the teacher or myself. He just duti-

Today both my boys have a Dad’s Devotional Bible and every year we

fully made his crafts and then hid them in his closet at home. He was very good

add a new trait of God the Father they want to emulate for their kids someday.

at stuffing things, especially his emotions.

Many years later, they still miss their dad, but they found a new focus. They

But, one day we drove home from shopping. The boys played in the car with the toys they’d bought. When 7-year-old CJ dropped a piece of his game

discovered more than just knowing God as a good Father. They are learning to apply godly qualities to their lives as well.

between the seats, he stared out the window and his lip began to quiver. I

And I still remember the words I had wrote inside his Bible many years ago.

pulled off the road, crawled into the back seat and held him as he sobbed.

Dana S. Chisholm: Single mom for 16 years to two wonderful Christian

We later decided to spend Father’s Day at Disneyland with some friends

men - now 16 and 20 years old. Dana holds a M.A. in Leadership and currently

We attended an early church service before our trip. During worship service, CJ

completing her PhD. in Intercultural Education and is President of Trail Media,

started to cry. When the pastor asked all the fathers to stand, his tears gushed.

Inc. You can email her at ChisholmAuthor@gmail.com.

He asked, “How come Daddy doesn’t want to see me? Why did he leave us?”

Portions of this article first appeared in Focus on the Family Magazine. Reprint with author’s permission.

SINGLE MOM OF TEENS by Nicole O’Dell

CONFESSIONS OF A

I was a single mom of a teenage boy, and I had two young girls at the

Truth is, we cannot be all things to all people. It’s not humanly pos-

time. Hopeless and copeless describe how I felt a lot of the time. I knew I

sible. But we can take ownership of the gifts and opportunities God has

couldn’t be a dad to my son, and I knew with every fiber of my being that

given us. And while we, as single parents, are absolutely inadequate and

he needed one. It wasn’t going to be me who taught him to hunt and fish.

unable to be everything to anyone, there is One who can.

I wouldn’t be pounding nails as we built a tree house together. I had no

I’ve since married and have had three more kids, triplets actually.

plans of doing much camping or motorcycle riding. I was a mom. And I’d

I’m happily married, but, of course, marriage doesn’t magically erase the

thought I was a good one—at least I had when someone else made up for

problems that come along with human inadequacy, and sometimes it cre-

what I lacked.

ates a whole new set of them.

While I was feeling guilty that I

Single moms clinging to a lifeline by your fingernails: Just let go. Let

couldn’t be all of those things to my

go of that lifeline and let HIM raise your kids through you. His grace is

boy, I was doing what I knew—girl

sufficient to meet all of their needs and yours. That was true for me then

stuff—with my daughters and dragging

as a single parent and now as a married one with a large, blended family.

him along. Though my girls and I could

I’m inadequate. You’re inadequate. God designed it that way for a reason.

find common ground over mani-pedis,

So we’d place our hope and trust in Him alone.

an afternoon at the library, or a morn-

Nicole O’Dell is founder of Choose NOW Ministries and host of

ing of garage sale-ing, I felt inadequate

Choose NOW Radio. She is mother of six, wife, and sought-after author.

even with them, because I felt I couldn’t

For more information about Nicole and all the amazing resources she has

teach them how a man should treat a

available for teens and parents, visit www.nicoleodell.com.

woman.

Join award-winning author,

JENNIFER MAGGIO,

HE KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE ALONE

by kris swiatocho

hat is the difference in feeling alone versus being lonely? Of-

“Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of

ten, I hear people say that they are lonely and hate being

them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor

single - without that wonderful person by their side. What I

forsake you.” (Deuteronomy 31:6) Despite what the world does to us, de-

am really hearing from them is that they are not lonely but instead, simply

spite the betrayal and abandonment, God is still there. He has not moved

alone. There is a huge difference. Being lonely is saying you have no hope

or changed.

- no hope in Christ, no hope in your everlasting life, and no hope in your fu-

So next time you are feeling “lonely,” as a Christian, remember you

ture. And to be honest, that is a sin. But to say I feel alone is being honest,

are really feeling alone. God sometimes uses these alone times to talk to

because in some cases, we are alone. And it isn’t much fun, sometimes!

us, encourage us and empower us. Don’t miss the value of being alone

Although I am single, I do not think I ever experienced aloneness the

because it is there when you are closest to the Lord. He knows what you

way I did when my dad died. Three years ago, my dad’s death brought me

need, your every hurt and pain. He will fill all your holes. Leave it all with

to a place of hopelessness, at least for a while. I have never felt quite so

him and allow him to do it.

alone. But it was in those moments that I was reminded of Jesus’ life and his alone times.

Kris Swiatocho is an author and speaker, who is currently the president

Jesus understands what it feels like to have the whole world on his shoul-

and director of TheSinglesNetwork.org

ders, to carry the load, to be alone. Even though he had twelve, they would

Ministries and FromHisHands.com Minis-

abandon him over and over (Luke 22:4-46). But remember, Jesus reminds us

tries. Kris has served in ministry in vari-

to “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.”

ous capacities for the last 25 years. An

(Matthew 11:28). This should give us comfort when we are trying to carry life’s

accomplished trainer and author, Kris has

difficulties, such as kids, home duties, and work. But here is the cool thing

a heart to reach and grow leaders so they

about being alone. When you know the Lord as your Savior, you are never truly

will in turn reach and grow others.

alone. God is always with us, giving us comfort, encouragement and hope.

KIDS and the

SINGLE MOM

on an honest and sometimes hilarious journey of learning to parent your children effectively alone. From tots to teens and from sleep patterns to curfew, Maggio covers it all. Bible study included inside book. Ideal for small group or individual study. For more information, visit http://www.jennifermaggio.com.

Jesus, W

Single Like Me

Frustrated? DIVORCED?

Lonely?

BAD Relationship?

Dating? DE TO

GUI A REAL-WORPLD G EFFECTIVE ARENTIN

NES MAGGIO JENNIFER BARand The Single Mom & rch Author of The Chu Life of a Single Mom Overwhelmed: The

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