Text by ZANDER LEONG
Art by SAMANTHA HO
How to win the college rat race AN HONEST LOOK AT APPLYING TO COLLEGE
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RE YOU INTERESTED IN applying to college? If so, you may be wondering what the process looks like. Here’s how to successfully navigate college applications in seven easy steps. 1) Do your research Where to start? Many begin with a sense of dread and despair, followed by college research. Start broad, such as reviewing the over 4,000 higher-education institutions in the United States. Are you looking for a two-year college? Four-year? Community college? Vocational school? Don’t forget about the thousands more outside the country! For a truly thorough search, you may consider exploring nearby galaxies. Then, narrow it down. Consider looking at only a few factors: academics, research opportunities, campus geography, facilities, clubs and organizations, school
Figure 1
population, faculty-to-student ratio, school culture, student life, meal services, residences, weather, school safety, school values, school location and number of water fountains. Good luck!
In recommended news. You’ll hear college names whispered in the wind. They’ll wash up in bottles on the beach. The stars themselves will crawl across the sky, urging you to apply now. It’s all very magical.
2) Drown in mail 3) Make a list In life, we do the best to prepare ourNow that you’ve acquired enough selves for any hardreading material to riships we anticipate. val those Schoology However, nothing notification emails, will prepare you to start building a list face the onslaught of colleges you’d of college mail like to attend. A you’ll receive. If you good list will have took the PSAT or anywhere between filled out the Paly one and 431,897.3 athletic clearance schools. form, colleges will Try to find the Figure 2 get their hands on perfect match. The your information, school must be a fit and somewhere among for you. You must be a the vast data centers of the world your fit for the school. Together, the two of you name will be added to a mailing list. should form a bond stronger than milk and The result is instantaneous: im- cereal, stronger than hydrogen and oxygen, mediately, several thousand trees will stronger than Zoom and “your internet be chopped down and sent to your connection is unstable.” The two of you doorstep. “Visit us,” they’ll say. “Learn must be destiny. Make sure to articulate more about our great facilities,” they’ll this special sentiment to every school say. “Apply today, succeed tomorrow.” you apply to, later in step 5. Just like Harry Potter and the Dursleys, Found a college that you like? you too will want to flee to a wooden Write it down on a spreadsheet or shack off the coast of England to es- other list. Make sure to include notes cape the letters. on every single thought that enters Lucky for you, it’s not just mail. your brain. You’ll love how confusSearch one college on Google, and ing it gets: navigating your spreadyou’ll start seeing colleges all around sheet will be almost as hard as naviyou. In social media ads. On YouTube. gating the application process itself.
