Review: How juicy is your fruit?

How juicy is your fruit?

Eggplant isn’t a fruit? Fruits aren’t sexy? Think again.

So you’re trying to impress your main squeeze. Perhaps you need to show someone you love berry much just how grapeful you are? You’ll find this sexy collection of mineral- and vitaminrich fruits alluring. And even if you don’t, we still love you. You’re one in a melon, baby.

Peach

Sex appeal: Juicy Lucy

Made (in)famous by that Call Me By Your Name scene, peaches are tender, sweet, and taste like summer. Unless you like it juicy, enjoy this one outside. Make it into iced tea or do with it what you please. Stay away from the nut… er pit, though. Those bad boys are laced with hydrogen cyanide.

Banana

Sex appeal: Sex goddess

Ah, the humble banana. Potassium-rich and sure to delight, this versatile snack will keep you going for hours. Slice it up with a load of peanut butter, add it to your oats, take it to go, do whatever you like. Just don’t leave it in your bag for too long because there’s nothing apeeling about a mushy banana.

Eggplant

Sex appeal: Odin’s saggy nut

Seriously, what even is an eggplant? ‘Sexual’ use of the eggplant emoji is banned on Facebook and Instagram for a reason (plot twist: because there’s nothing sexy about them). If you’re not a plant or an egg, I’m not sure what you are. Can you eat these raw? Who knows. Safe to say I’ll forever be an eggplant virgin.

Strawberries

Sex appeal: Cuteee..

They may not be the sexiest fruits from the outside, but it’s what’s on the inside that counts. Strawberries are cheap and easy going—just like your last fling. Feeling extra seductive? Dip them in chocolate. Oh baby, now we’re dripping.

Pomegranate

Sex appeal: Drippingly moist

Mysterious yet sophisticated, some studies suggest the pomegranate improves one’s libido. Don’t be shy to get your hands—or mouth—dirty with this one, and be sure to always treat it respectfully. I’ve heard pomegranates tend to get seedy.