Toenail moon

When my thoughts are too much for my bed to burden, I meet my mother before January’s sheet lightning. Citing the beauty of the world, she recalls a rain dance from her youth.

Bursting with contagious, confident laughter like An empty bon-bon, my friend promises me that ‘depression gets better,’ and looks up at the toenail of a moon.

‘I’m afraid I’m losing you,’ I tell my Grandfather. Of course he doesn’t really listen, he just sits sullenly in his home of forty years, counting the cracks between each double-brick.

I meet his worn, foggy blue eyes And peer, gently, into his soul. I notice how grandfather Clock of a man he is: all these careful ticks and compulsions inside a battered, elegant frame. Waiting restlessly, counting each tick.

Words Jordan White Artwork Oliver White

I may be broken

Every morning I awake up with the feeling of hope. Hope that today will be a good day, that the black, blue and grey fog stays away. I am hopeful that the feelings of panic and not ever being good enough will be replaced. Replaced with the feeling of success and courage to go out into the world and be. Just be me. On days where the weight of depression is so heavy sucking the life right out of me. I am reminded of what my niece once said to me. Sitting on the grass a million miles away, my niece looks up at me with her big inquisitive blue eyes. My niece, she asks me “why do you look so sad Aunty?” I tell her that I am a little broken. She looks up at me and says, “you might be broken, but you are still beautiful to me”. I may have days where I am clawing my way up and out of the darkness that is surrounding me. Yet, that is where you will always find me. Why you may ask me? Because I may be broken, yet I am still beautiful. There may be days where I feel that I cannot move from the crushing weight that is upon me. Yet, you will always find me fighting through this dark debris. Why you may ask me? Because I may be broken, yet I am still beautiful. Every day is a struggle. I may stumble and I may fall and feel that I may just lose it all, yet I will always fight through it all. Why you may ask me? Because I may be broken, yet I am still beautiful. I may be broken, with cracks and all, yet I will always fight through it all. Because I am still beautiful.

Words Leanne Windle Artwork Vinica Teng

yet I am still beautiful