Verse Edition 21

FREE Edition 21 | April - May 2018 Your Student Mag

This Edition Oozing into the Oz A Gun America Songs to Bop To One Film, One Digital

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Edition 21 | April - May 2018

Contents 02 Editor’s Letter 04 Oozing into the Oz 06 Morning After 07 Showpony 08 Aurora 10 Ivy Love 11 I Exist Now 12 What Gun America Feels Like 14 Songs to Bop To 16 In[ter]view: Wawira Njiru 22 Toilet of the Future 24 Imag[in]e: Jason Barton 36 Come Work for the Whitehouse!

37 Shapeshifter 38 A Temple of Tar and Grass 39 I See You 40 VOX: Student Voice 43 I See You 44 One Film, One Digital 52 President's Update 53 USASA Calendar 55 Senses of Colour 56 A Perfect Flaw 58 How Far We've Fallen 60 Magnificent Milk: An Anti-review 62 The Signs As: Characters in Sesame Street

Cover Image & Above Image David Adams

Verse Magazine is brought to you by

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Editor's Letter Head Editor | Jesse Neill

You might notice this edition looks or feels a bit different. Edition 21 is intended to be a coming of age of sorts. Something new, something fresh.

This edition features a range of topics, with pieces varying from Trump to toilets …well maybe that’s not the best example of variety as both are always full of shit. There’s also some more serious pieces to ponder and we’ve included a photo essay too.

In some cultures, turning 21 is seen as a symbolic shift towards a newfound freedom and expression.

We too would like to think we’ve changed and developed over time and would love to continue to do so in a meaningful and innovative way that does so with respect to your work.

Some of you may like these changes, some of you may not, but most of all let’s celebrate Verse for what it’s achieved so far and get ready to celebrate the next 21 editions full of your amazing contributions.

The Verse team acknowledges and pays respect to the Kaurna, Boandik and Barngarla people as the traditional custodians of the land that we create, publish and share on.

Head Editor Jesse Neill | Editor Simon Telford | Communications Editor Georgia Lake Graphic Designer Sascha Tan | Printer Newstyle | Design & Production Consultant Jackson Polley The views expressed in this magazine are not necessarily representative of the views of USASA or the editors.

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Edition 21 Contributors Dear students of UniSA, we sincerely thank you! Thank you all so very much for helping put your magazine together! Below are the names of this edition's written and visual student contributors.

Jenny Qian Jason Barton

Sascha Tan @saschatan Connor Foley @c_foles Sarah Maiorano @sarah_mai_art Lachie Blackwell Carli Stasinopoulos @thoughtsbycarli Ben Neale @ben_neale

Zoe Kassiotis Bec Whetham @bigpondlittlepond Sash Corowa Wawira Njiru @food4education Harrison Davies @heiryplease Chris Dastoor @johnnynutman Jan Rem Mendoza @mendozajanrem Kaynat Ohri @deadfuglycat_ Leilani Maldari @yvm.design David Adams @david.adam.s Jaspreet Sidhu @imjsidhu Sasha Visari @superbunnyghost Olivia Huynh Mark Vawser Kyiandra Thanou @kyiandrathanou Caitlyn Burgess Kayla Dickeson Jesse Neill @jesse_neill Simon Telford @sztelford Georgia Lake @georgialakee

We want to add you to the contributors list!

Students are the back bone of this magazine and it doesn't run without your valuable input. Send through written or visual work that you want to show off! With open arms we accept all student work; written, drawn, typed, recorded or scrawled, you name it- we want it!

Submit using the online form at:

VerseMag.com.au/Submit

Specifications for written work: We are looking for short articles 600-1200 words and longer articles 1200-2400. Articles can be on any topic but we especially love opinion pieces!

Specifications for artwork: Send us images at the highest resolution you can (300 DPI or larger in .jpeg, .tiff or .pdf file format). We love all visual styles and mediums.

@versemagadelaide @versemagazine @versemag_adl

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KING KRULE 6

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Oozing into The Oz Review from Sydney's Enmore Theatre

Words by Jenny Qian | Background photo by Jason Barton Gig photo from Melbourne's Croxton Bandroom by Sascha Tan

The stage shined amongst the tall, slender, slightly hunched frame. As he opened his mouth to let out one of his renowned gritty grunts, the light reflected off his one gold-capped tooth, striking and blinding the audience at Enmore Theatre.

This is how I would describe the essence of Archy Marshall’s music. With his low sombre baritone voice, and his emotively penetrating lyricism, his music is striking in a way that makes you question the inner psyche of the London-based musician.

Ever since the release of his debut LP, Six Feet Beneath The Moon in 2013, singer-songwriter Archy Marshall (AKA King Krule) has been a musical hero to many. With an eclectic trail of genres ranging from punk, jazz, hip-hop and new-wave, Marshall is a musical prodigy that has gained recognition from the likes of Beyoncé and Frank Ocean.

In celebration of his latest album The OOZ, released in October last year, Marshall finally returned to Sydney after four long years. The crowd melted into a frenzy when Marshall started the Sydney show with Has This Hit. That’s when it truly hits – Archy Marshall in the flesh.

From his lanky posture, effervescent ginger hair, blasé demeanour perfectly paired with the emotional intensity of his off-tune growls, everything seems all too familiar.

he interacted with the crowd effortlessly, congratulating fans on Australia’s recent triumph in legalising same-sex marriage.

“Big-up gay marriage. Spread love and unity across the earth.”

He kept the fans on their toes by playing an unreleased banger, rumoured to be called Badoom.

“...turning the frenzied movement of the mosh into a lulling sway.”

As the fans sensed an imminent end to the show, Marshall played some more gloomier grooves such as The Ooz, Midnight 01 (Deep Sea Diver) and Baby Blue, turning the frenzied movement of the mosh into a lulling sway. The audience was left spellbound by the hopeless romantic-esque questionings of Marshall’s lyrics. Marshall finished with his most recognised song Easy Easy, which he wrote at the age of 12, before leaving the stage with a sense of indifference. The empty stage meant nothing to the fans, anticipating an encore. There was ceaseless chanting.

“Archy, Archy, Archy!”

As the stage lit up for the final time, Marshall entered alone and strummed the first taut jazz chords of Out Getting Ribs. Not only did Marshall ooze into the streets of Newtown that night, but his music oozed into the crowd’s hearts once again. ◊

The atmosphere intensified as Marshall followed into Dum Surfer, the lead single off his latest album. Despite being a man with little words,

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Morning After Words by Connor Foley Image by Sarah Maiorano

Lightning crashes, my mind fades Knees gnawing with every stride Whiskey swimming down my throat While my ears ring insistently The pill popping hell raiser Now face to face with all these years Smoke trails out between my teeth Behind a scornful, gum-rotting grin I see it all clearly now, How every gin-soaked memory And every cigarette stained night I was barring another from dawning The clock ticks silent under neon lights Piercing the veil of my eternal youth I feel the sun now begin to set Blazing infernos over the horizon What days lay ahead, only God can discern Though the best have now passed I assure A flower that bloomed in juvenescence Now destined to whither and fade

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UniSA’s Open Mic Night

Words by Lachie Blackwell Title image provided by Showpony

I am Lachie Blackwell, one of the MC’s and organisers of Showpony, UniSA’s very own open mic night. Together with Heather McGinn, Amelia Walker and the team at West Oak Hotel, we’ve worked hard to create a space to cultivate the experience of live performance and give students the opportunity to express creativity in a way that University classes don’t offer. We’ve had some fantastic

One of our biggest strategies for bringing in people all over Adelaide was to have a headline act each month. These headline acts are made up of at least one past or present UniSA student and gives already established bands and performers further exposure. Our last two headline acts, Peachy Keen and Rat Ta’Mango had so much fun with our event and were a fantastic way to wrap up the night.

open mic acts and we’re happy that students are returning to grace the stage again.

This upcoming Showpony we have TOWNS and we are super excited for this duo to be entertaining us.

“We’ve had such a wide variety

For me this experience means a lot. It gives me the opportunity to flex my performance skills but also to see the behind the scenes of organising bands, promotion, encouraging other students, and negotiating with the venue. Through this I’ve been able to utilise university resources and my own abilities while leaning on my co-coordinators to create this fantastic event. I’ve been pleasantly overwhelmed with the talent we have at UniSA and I am so glad to be a part of bringing that talent to the public. ◊

of performances and we’re always excited to see what each month will bring.”

Our aim for Showpony was to entice people from all over Adelaide, and whilst we are sponsored by UniSA, anyone is welcome to attend as the audience and performers for the open mic. This gives anyone a chance, through UniSA, to embrace creativity and develop their skills as a writer, poet, musician, comedian, or anything students wish to share. We’ve had such a wide variety of performances and we’re always excited to see what each month will bring.

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Words by Carli Stasinpoulos | Photograph by Ben Neale

Just imagine for a moment, that you’re me, and you’re watching the sun break through the gaps in your fingers as you hold your hand to the sky.

In the late autumn afternoon as the sun is setting; we’re in an open field, just her and I, a few kilometres from Hennison where I left the car, and an almost ten-minute run from the coast. The sky through my fingers is warm and fiery, the sun beaming brightly near the horizon.

I push my glasses up my nose as I catch her gaze.

With a beaming smile that’s met mine, I hardly hear her mutter “let’s go” before she’s taken off, and I find myself running after her.

The blades of grass slither over my ankles, and distracted by the tickling sensation, I almost miss her momentarily pause to pick up the bottom of her skirt from around her ankles. As she does so, she spots the largest tree in the distance.

A few months ago when the carnival had come to town, we were sat at a picnic table at dusk under coloured lights hanging from the tree branches above us. By complete accident a few weeks before, I first met her. An absolute electrically charged firework of a girl. I was in complete shock that someone like her had landed herself in our tiny town in the south-eastern corner of Victoria.

I had to get to know her. Small talk led to big talk, which led to becoming friends, which led to meeting up at the carnival.

Between sips of her lemonade, she told the story of when her father at our age had spent weeks travelling to see the Northern Lights. Although some of the details were fuzzy, she would giggle, smile at

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most points, and continue telling the story, although getting distracted by the lights tangled between the branches above. It didn’t bother me that she spent most of her time staring at the bulbs rather than me, because the way her eyes sparkled with love and childlike wonder told me more than she ever could.

I remember the way her smile had faded. “But of course, I can’t travel to see the Northern Lights,” she swirled her straw and shrugged, “so I came here, in hopes of seeing Aurora Australis, the Southern Lights. Apparently you can see them down south.”

I catch up to her now in the middle of the field, panting from running so far. “That one?” She asks.

Her gaze never left the tree.

I remember leaning over the picnic table that night and whispered “I’ll let you in on a little secret – because I trust you.” This caught her attention.

“No one likes to venture out of this town. Everyone is too comfortable here. But I’m not. About two years ago I stumbled upon this spot, this amazing spot that no one knew about. It’s a twenty minute walk south of the coast, but you can make it there in ten if you run. You feel like you’re in the middle of nowhere.

It’s nothing but land, trees, and the coast in the distance. And if you’re really lucky and come at the right time, if you climb the tallest tree and watch the sunset, you get the best view of the whole town bathed in red.”

“You can see everything from up there?” She asked, gnawing on the end of her straw.

I nodded.

“Everything?”

“Everything.”

She sat her drink down and leaned back, eyes gleaming. “Hey Miles,” she started. “Do you reckon… if we’re really, really lucky…” her voice, underlined with doubt, trailed off almost instantly.

Now, in the middle of the field, I catch that same gleam in her eyes as she stares at the tree.

“That one.”

Without a moment of hesitation, she takes off, and before I could even register, I’m gripping onto the bark of the tree and climbing up after her. I can see her shoes struggling to grip the higher she’s climbing, but she doesn’t deter. Within a matter of seconds she’s perched on one of the highest branches, staring out at everything.

“The soft breeze wisps through every blade of grass, whistling delicately. The air is fresh, and my lungs are full. Right now, nothing else matters.”

She lets her leg hang off the edge of the branch comfortably, and peeking out from the bottom of her skirt her foot sways. I outstretch my hand and watch the sunset between the gaps of my fingers.

“Hey Miles?” She asks.

I smile, leaning back against the tree. “Yes?” “I hope we’re lucky tonight.”

Aurora, something tells me we will be. ◊

I shake my dark hair out of my eyes, using my shoulder to shift my falling glasses. I grunt as I pull myself onto the branch that’s just underneath hers. By then, relaxed with her back against the tree, she’s staring at the horizon watching the sun slowly set.

Her skin is bathed in orange glowing light.

She is now still, quietly breathing. The soft breeze wisps through every blade of grass, whistling delicately. The air is fresh, and my lungs are full. Right now, nothing else matters. Nothing else exists except my beating heart, this blanket of red sunlight, and this amazing woman sitting above me in the tallest tree a few kilometres from Hennison.

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The richest Most fertile soil Sits in my mind Why else Do you think My hair is jasmine Blooming untamed vines With the sweet scent of nectar Will you plant seeds of wisdom In my most fertile land Fragrant and evergreen Or will you Take cuttings of my flowers One by one Hoping they will take And inspire greatness In your own empty mind Where overgrown ivy Strangles spirit Will you nip my white buds Until you leave me barren And dreamless

Ivy Love

Words by Zoe Kassiotis | Illustration by Sascha Tan

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Words by Jaspreet Sidhu | Illustration by Sash Corowa

I don't have a reason To look at the exquisite flower I don’t have a purpose To wet my faith in this unworthy shower This life seems to lack the purpose The purpose I was made for I simply see the darkness The sweet moment turning sour I struggle, I stumble on this land For I'm frustrated by your ignorance The act of taking me for granted For denial of giving me a scarce chance But as I discovered the truth of my grief I've realised it was no other but me The sense of underestimating my power And the potential I could never see Now I will be high and fly Beyond the head of every glory And I promise to tell you everything So you tell the world about my story

From Texas shooting ranges to visiting crime scenes for college credit Written by Bec Whetham | Illustration by Sash Corowa

Another Gun Story.

The majority of the gun discussion continues to revolve around America’s (and consequently Americans’) control on guns; what needs to change and what won’t. While dim in the eyes of many Australians, and tired Americans, the conversation has had substantial updates in recent times.

Despite the top Google news results for Walmart currently reading the latest on their new ‘meal kits’, just weeks ago Walmart was in the spotlight for upping their buying age for guns. Championed and trolled by many online, Walmart altered their policy in the aftermath of the February Florida school shooting, drastically changing the buying age from seven to twenty. Alongside Walmart, Dick’s Sporting Goods changed their buying age to twentyone as well as putting an end to the sale of assault rifles in their stores.

It comes as no surprise that the latest news item to emerge from these changes is a high-school senior suing both retail giants. While it is questionable whether the protests or the revised policies of two megastores will make much difference to the existing gun horizon in America, it is nice to have the discussion change if just for a little while.

My Time in America From the comfortable, sun-lined streets of Adelaide for the first twenty years of my life I was content thinking I knew all I needed to know in regards to gun culture and America’s ‘problem’. I knew the problem and I knew the answer: no guns, no problem.

I was not completely naïve. I had done my research on the National Rifle Association as part of a uni assignment and had provided a nice little slideshow with my facts and findings. While there is a lot to be said for the statistics, I had not experienced firsthand how embedded guns were in everyday life for Americans, even the really nice and rational ones. A lot of gun owners are really lovely. I won’t go into how and why Americans use guns and why they are so adamant on keeping (all of) them—you can find that in many other corners of the internet.

Between July 2017 and February of this year, I took on America, exploring seventeen states including Colorado for five of those months on a study exchange. I loved it. ‘Guns’ was the crux of many interesting conversations I had there and like all of America and its hot topics, there is no one belief or identity. This is one of the things I appreciate most about America, its cohesive in-cohesiveness.

So, guns when I was in America. I loaned them, I shot them, I joked about them with a lovely retired cop by the name of Kevin at a cute little shooting range in San Antonio, Texas. I was also in the country when America’s daily mass shootings occurred. I was there for Vegas (their largest shooting yet), that tragic Texas church massacre and multiple ones in Colorado while I was there, including a shoot-up at a Denver Walmart and an apartment just west of my college campus one night. One of the three victims were a fellow CSU student in her senior year. Savannah, and her boyfriend, died of multiple gunshot wounds while out celebrating her birthday.

That same morning, I had a TV News class, the news was out but the victims unnamed. The latest was that there were two victims from the shooting and there was a news report going live at midday.

We were encouraged to leave the classroom, head to the crime scene and observe the live shots (reporters do their thing for live TV). For extra credit we could go crowd the crime scene, take a photo of us being there as proof and submit it to our teacher. Stuff the credit, I was not going.

Many of my classmates got up eagerly and started planning their short bus route across campus to the nearby student apartments. I wonder if it was not until they arrived at the scene and the live report went out that they discovered one of the victims was Savannah Nealy, another CSU arts student who worked in the same media department as many of us TV students.

I was one of two who turned down the homicide fieldtrip. I won’t go into details, but the shooting involved a birthday celebration and an ex-boyfriend. When it comes down to it, the finer details don’t seem to matter, impatient people shoot other people over traffic after all. It all comes back to guns; an all too easy end to often easy problems. I’ll be the first to say that guns are a bit of fun; I had my turn firing rounds with an AK-47 in Texas. I’ll also be the first to say that if I had to pass up recreational gun handling for the sake of tighter gun control I wouldn’t think twice. There’s always paintball and nerf wars.

Safe and content from my suburban Adelaide existence, I’ll keep watching the gun space and hope for the best. ◊

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Need a bop? Check us out: @VerseMag on Spotify!

Words and Illustration by Sascha Tan

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NOT SO BLUE

NEW DORP. NEW YORK

I'M DEAD

QUANTIC

SBTRKT feat.

DUCKWRTH feat.

EZRA KOENIG

SABRINA CLAUDIO

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HERSIDE STORY

DEFINITION

SPECTRUM

HARE SQUEAD

MOS DEF & TALIB KWELI

GOLDLINK

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LEMON

WHEN A FIRE STARTS TO BURN

ADDICTION

N.E.R.D feat. RIHANNA

DISCLOSURE

KANYE WEST

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RAINGURL

GET ALONG

YAEJI

EOM feat.

ONLY GIRL KALI UCHIS feat. STEVE LACY & VINCE STAPLES

13 SWEET BROCKHAMPTON

ANDERSON .PAAK & BLU

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WHERE YOU BELONG

INTERGALACTIC

JAY PRINCE feat.

BEASTIE BOYS

JORDAN RAKEI

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In[ter]view: Wawira Njiru Verse Mag's Regular Graduate Interview

In this edition of Verse, Wawira Njiru recalls her move to Australia to study nutrition before returning home to Kenya, founding her own not-for-profit organisation: Food for Education.

After graduating from UniSA, Njiru has dedicated her work to helping improve the lives and school performance of vulnerable children in her hometown of Ruiru.

Interview conducted by Jesse Neill | Photos supplied by Wawira Njiru Check out the organisation at Food4Education.org or

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How would you describe your role with Food for Education?

I am the executive director of Food for Education. I am in charge of overseeing our programs and ensuring that our team is working towards our goal of ensuring that children in Kenyan public schools do not have to learn while hungry. I am also in charge of partnerships, raising awareness about our work and creating strategy for growth.

What made you want to found this organisation?

I had grown up seeing how lack of education could limit opportunities in life through the children I grew up around. My siblings and I were among the few who went to university and I knew that this was because we had a good education foundation when we were younger.

I wanted to give this same opportunity to other children in my community and in Kenya.

For many children however, food was the major thing keeping them away from school. I started Food for Education to ensure that lack of food did not stop children from going to school or

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concentrating in class. A lot of kids were running away from school during lunch to go look for food outside and some would even faint, we wanted to ensure that this stopped happening.

You moved to Australia in 2010 to study your degree in Nutrition and Food Science, I can imagine that could be a little daunting.

Can you explain a bit about the move and what you were feeling at the time?

I was 19 when I moved to Australia and only knew one person in the entire country. It was incredibly daunting, lonely and terrifying.

The good thing about youth is that you’re more impulsive and so I didn’t really think through the consequences of being so far away from home so young at the beginning. I was able to make friends quickly though and through that Australia began feeling more like home. I was working to pay my school fees, studying fulltime and learning a lot about how to balance everything and stay sane. I also started Food for Education while I was still in university (in 2012) so juggling everything was difficult.

In 2011, I failed two subjects and had to do a supplementary exam and that was a big wake up call for me that I needed to learn how to balance everything better. Looking back, I appreciate the experience because it taught me how to be a more balanced person.

80 people with the help of my friend Sam. It wasn’t excellent food but my friends were so supportive—they ate it all. With that money we built a make-shift kitchen back in Kenya and started making lunch for 25 students in January 2012.

Had you always intended to found the charity

What do you find most rewarding about

when you began your degree or is it something you thought about later on?

your work?

I always knew I wanted to do something back home but I wasn’t sure what it was. I started by volunteering for World Vision Australia and Oaktree in my first year of university, then decided to start something myself because none of them were working in my community.

I was also learning a lot about the impact of undernutrition in my nutrition classes and decided to focus on this as my main intervention in schools.

What was your first fundraising opportunity?

In December 2011, we held our first fundraiser to start our program and raised $1680. It was a Kenyan dinner where I made dinner for

I love the children’s reaction as they eat the lunch we provide and also love it when they begin to improve in the test scores because they are able to learn better.

What has been your biggest challenge since founding Food for Education?

Our biggest challenge has been not being able to expand as fast as we want as the need is so big in other schools in Kenya and around the continent. We are working to form partnerships that will help us expand faster and reach more students across the country, and ultimately the continent.

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What results has Food for Education seen on student outcomes?

We have seen improved nutrition, school attendance and performance. Attendance has increased from an average of two and a half days a week to an average of four days a week, while have improved by 24 per cent.

What future plans do you have for the organisation?

We are looking to form partnerships with local and national government to expand our program nationally.

I can imagine your work can be very demanding, and studying a masters in Public Health must become stressful and draining. As student’s mental and physical wellbeing is becoming more and more of a focus on campus, what sorts of things do you like to do to relax and what motivates you to keep going?

I quit my masters in Public Health to work full-time on Food for Education but mental and physical wellbeing is definitely a big focus for me. I will often take time out to recharge, practice meditation almost each morning and try to stay physically active as much as I can. I think the trick, especially with mental health is knowing your triggers and learning how to take care of yourself when feeling stressed or overwhelmed.

Ultimately, what legacy would you like to leave for future generations, what is your vision for Food for Education?

Food for Education is working hard to push towards a universal school feeding program where all children in Kenyan public schools will have access to nutritious meals in school. Currently, 23 million children go to school hungry in Africa and our ultimate legacy will be putting an end to this, or at least creating a framework for action in all 54 African countries.

Finally, what message do you have for students with aspirations such as yours?

Start and learn along the way. Just start. â—Š

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Toilet of the Future

Nah. Just another Exeloo, mate

Words by Bec Whetham | Illustration by Sascha Tan

It’s bold, stylish, entertains you with slow jazz. It’s an Exeloo toilet unit.

Commonly found in parks and other public spaces, these futuristic little portals of convenience don’t often receive the discussion they deserve.

A year later the first units are installed and in 1994 the first distributor is appointed in Australia.

“Been to the Bunbury Exeloo?

The Design Unisex cubicles, automatic doors and light jazz are the evident differences when compared with the rest of the public toilet world.

You don’t need to, join over

Key features include:

35,000 others in watching

• Low maintenance engineering • Concealed magnetic locks • Automatic night locking • Minimal surfaces to touch to reduce bacteria transfer • Again, the song

FergusonClanBlog capture it in two and half minutes” While the norm for those blessed to live nearby one of the 1000 Exeloo units existing in the US, New Zealand and Australia, many others across the globe are left in awe of what we Aussies consider “just another public toilet.”

What you may take for granted as background music and ordinary steel touches, foreign travellers to Exeloo lands have marvelled on.

So much so that fans of the Exeloo have taken to the internet to share what they’ve found, sharing videos on YouTube of their ‘experience’ with the world. Not one but hundreds upon hundreds of videos. Been to the Bunbury Exeloo?

You don’t need to, join over 35,000 others in watching FergusonClanBlog capture it in two and a half minutes.

The History The year is 1991, Exeloo’s General Manager births the idea of the Exeloo out of desire for a safe toilet for his children and an accessible toilet for his disabled father.

While many of the features between units seem the same, Exeloo offers six broad public toilet models including an array of automation options and finishes.

The Song The burning question: what is the Exeloo song?

Who performs the song? When and what was the deal made? Is it Spotify-able? The answers to these questions are few. Is it the same one song played in all Exeloo units? According to YouTube research, yes, yes it is. Well at least in Manly and Ngaruawahia, New Zealand.

DOOR LOCKED. YOUR MAXIMUM USE TIME IS 10 MINUTES. ◊

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Imag[in]e: Jason Barton Verse Mag's regular student Art & Design feature Interview conducted by Sascha Tan Photography by Jason Barton

Jason’s a final year Product Design student on a six month exchange at the University of Twente in the Netherlands. He likes taking photos and loves a good Airbnb. I reckon he eats too many burgers for his own good.

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Did you always think you’d end up doing an exchange? And why the Netherlands?

I was interested in doing an exchange until I actually started my degree, it felt a bit counterproductive to me. I wanted to focus on my studies and I thought that doing an exchange was more about being overseas and new experiences rather than building relevant skills. Once my friends started doing design exchanges I became more interested as the type of work they were doing was completely different to what I was learning and I felt that I was at a point where I needed to learn new workflows and ideologies.

Netherlands has such a rich design history so I wanted to be in an environment that was so design conscious. It was also the only place that I was able to do an Industrial Design exchange.

What’s it like studying there compared to Adelaide?

It feels refreshing to be in an environment where my life revolves around studying. I’m not worrying too much about socialising or work. I don’t have opportunities to fall back into bad workflow habits such as playing Mario Kart all day with my roommate or getting bubble tea in the city at 10pm on a Tuesday.

The added responsibility of being completely independent helps me to make the right choices and take advantage of being here. I came here to work so I keep reminding myself that. Also, being in an environment where nobody knows anything about you, your identity becomes embedded in who you are right now and what you have to offer, which is intimidating but also freeing. It puts me in a good mentality for graduating this year and teaches me how to build confidence in the right ways.

How does it feel being away from home for so long?

I still feel like myself and I’m able to express myself in various ways so I never really feel like I’m away from home - although I do miss my friends and family. The challenging part has been having to adjust myself socially and learning how to navigate situations where I have no idea what the norm is.

You learn which parts of your culture you don’t need that in fact weigh you down and you’re able to be more objective and honest with yourself.

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I’ve noticed you’ve been travelling in Europe a bit since you’ve gone to the Netherlands, tell us about the trips you’ve been on!

I spent a couple of weeks through London, Paris and Amsterdam on my way to my university. I’m probably the most disappointing person to travel with. I’m more excited about hotel rooms and Airbnbs. I just leave the house to go find the best burger in each city (Bleecker in London). I’m trying to find the line between knowing what I’m about and when I should put myself into new experiences. The most memorable was meeting a couple of Australians at my university and then two weeks later renting a car with them and driving around Germany for a week.

And your photography! When did you start taking photography seriously?

I’m not sure if I even take it seriously now.

I started travelling around Australia and internationally by myself at a young age.

So photography was just a way for me to document the things I was doing and the things that I saw.

After a while wanting to document objects evolved into wanting to convey the emotions and experiences.

It’s just another way for me to understand and interact with my environment and I love it when my friends say "great work bro."

What’s your preference, film or digital?

Even though film has a great character and preciousness, a good photo is a good photo regardless. Whichever you enjoy more is the way to go. For me it really comes down to what I’m doing that day. It’s easy to get trigger-happy with digital but then you come home and realise there were things you took for granted at the time. If I want to stay light and be more immersed in my environment I’ll carry my film camera. I don’t have the luxury of taking unlimited shots so I have to be more conscious and question why do I even want to take a photo right now and what I want to achieve. Sometimes moments are better off being lived than remembered.

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Do you think a change of environment affects your creativity?

I’d say it affects the perspective I have on my creativity and the things that I get out of it, more so than just feeling motivated to be more creative. It’s inspiring to be in places where people have so much drive to create and are supported for doing so. When the language that surrounds you is so foreign you can’t help but to find solitude within your own native forms of language whether it’s art, music or dance.

My workflow seems to stay the same wherever I go, I’m just observing different behaviours and understanding the context behind different styles and belief systems. I assimilate these things into what I do already but it also helps me to have more perspective on myself and understand who I am and why I’m that way. The more I speak my own language the more I figure out what I actually want to say.

Aaaand last but not least, what’s the first thing you’re going to eat when you get back to Australia?

It depends where I’m flying to. I’m trying to fly through Sydney on my way back so I can go to Bar Luca (best burger in the world). My usual routine when I fly back to Adelaide is going to Cam Wah (not a burger) for some soup but after 30+ hours of transit I’m probably just going to eat an avocado and then sleep for two days. ◊

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TRUMP

TM

Come work for the Whitehouse!

Words by Harrison Davies

Have you ever wanted a job as a high ranking US official? Are you a rich CEO who wants to have the position you used to pay people in? Do you have absolutely no experience or qualifications to be in government? Then apply for the TRUMP™ Administration!

There are new positions available each week, no experience required! And not to worry if the position you were hoping for is unavailable, there are opportunities for each position every few months.

Come and work for the most famous president who has ever lived in all of existence and had the biggest inauguration crowd ever, Donald J. Trump™.

Under President Trump™, you’ll be given loads of freedom to pursue really whatever you’d like, so long as you follow the administration’s key policy of putting Russia first. So really, like, just do whatever the fuck you want, I mean you won’t be here for lo…..

The writer for this piece was removed from office, the rest of the article will be finished by the Fox employee that took his place.

Rub shoulders with people who have absolutely no faith in their department and get the opportunity to scrap all of your department’s resources as well!

At the TRUMP™ Administration, you’ll get the opportunity to travel as much as you like, with space for your friends as well. In fact there will be thousands of dollars in administration resources available for you to spend on whatever the fuck

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you want. $31,000 dining set? Just end a youth homelessness program and bingo! There’s your money!

You might even get an opportunity to stay at the luxurious Maralago Resort by TRUMP™. This will give you an excellent chance to meet our funding partners, the National Rifle Association (NRA). Enjoy a weekend of gold, poolside cocktails, and ignoring the problems of the nation while the NRA fill your pockets with cash to take home with you. Don’t want to leave? No stress! Mr Trump™ is here most of the time anyway!

But what if you come under the chopping block?

What if the great leader, TRUMP™, decides that it’s your turn to go? No need to worry, there is a post TRUMP™ support group run by ex-communications director, The Mooch, that is open to anyone who has been fired from the TRUMP™ administration.

Here you can bitch about how you were fired over Twitter and how he hasn’t actually spoken to you in six months and hasn’t got a fucking clue what he’s doing. This is not only a great way to get things off your chest, but a great way to make friends too!

So apply for the TRUMP™ administration today, short-term work in the Whitehouse is only one angry tweet away! ◊

Check the song out at revolutionofthedead.bandcamp.com/ Words by Chris Dastoor | Illustration by Jan Rem Mendoza

Subversive eyes, in disguise Painted smile, all the time Submerging tides, drowning life Deepest ocean drowns my mind On display, all my thoughts, nothing’s left Slip away, taken force, I’m not scared I fall apart, back to the start Not enough, straight through my heart Thoughts collide, perfected sight Keeping me up all night Flaws defined, myths are arise Negatives amplify On display, all my thoughts, nothing’s left Slip away, taken force, I’m not scared I fall apart, back to the start Not enough, straight through my heart Never enough, falls apart Poisons my mind Mentally tough, play my part Same every time No one gets out alive Gravity always wins so I stop Crawl out of the darkness in my heart

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A Temple of Tar and Grass Words by Kaynat Ohri

You loved me for all the times you inhaled And I suffocated you as you exhaled But baby I just landed, I’d say I’m unhappy You sighed I wanted to fight you all my life Lie down exhausted next to you On hammocks On hotel beds On my king single spring mattress But baby I just understood How we will never be through Oh you don’t see through this haze of 6000 miles How your existence affected The curve of my mouth The arch of my back The kink in my throat The knots in my belly My toes dug into whatever was beneath When you said how you wanted to Smother me With affection With your ignorance With your half hearted I love you’s I feel like I forced out of you But you weren’t that stupid You were the temple of tar and grass So how could I even know If that was you Or the ashes of your lungs In your brain How could I know That I was too much for your big hands How could you not know How to break up When all you do is break hearts

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When all I asked was To not let me sleep with a frown How could you cuss me For being what you asked for “eventual realisation” That what you said?

Well go to hell Coz now I fucking hate hammocks I say your name when Another man makes me laugh I remember your eyes When I look myself in the mirror I hate you For all that's now dust I still wanna punch Everyone Who says I deserve better For they won’t know How you loved me When you didn’t know how to They won’t know How you touched me Through the 6000 miles of haze They won’t know How I was your precious one And you were my unicorn Dot dot dot You are my unicorn.

A vision of another reality and self-reflection Words by Simon Telford

I see you. I see you from the grime stained window of the bus that takes me back to the place you won’t go. I see your expensive leisure sportswear, made to look casual and costs more than I live off in a fortnight. I see the stores that line the street, every second shop a fucking hairdresser.

Every third a café or bar or restaurant with some fancy name that rolls off the tongue like venom.

boy stares at the handsome man plastered on the side of a bus. Do you think if I bought that pair of underwear I’d look that good? Do you think if I had that designer dog I’d feel that good?

Do you think if I lived on that street, I’d feel any different?

The conversations burning through concrete in the righteous piety of the well to do aristocrats. I see you and I don’t see myself. I don’t see the days I carried a screwdriver in-case I was mugged.

I don’t see the crime. I don’t see the oh so dreaded welfare lines.

do, but I don’t want to”

“I don’t hate you, well maybe I Maybe that’s where this animosity, this bubbling of acidic champagne, comes from. Maybe I’m just disappointed in myself.

Maybe I see you, and I see me. ◊

But I want to.

I carry the weight of cheap fried food and a distaste for vegetables. Well what do you expect? They were always microwaved, soggy, limp, tasteless, frozen things. Have you tried to buy fresh vegetables? They are fucking expensive.

Leave the onions and potatoes to us, and I’m sick of hearing about fucking avocados.

I don’t hate you, well maybe I do, but I don’t want to. If anything, it’s an immature jealousy. An ugly

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V

X: Student Voice Looking to these Verse contributors to be inspired and motivated!

Adam Gribble What is the creative process like for you?

It really depends on the story. I am a little bit erratic in how my writing is planned out, so overall I don't have what you might call a 'process'. Sometimes ideas come fully formed, my last story was a dream that I had which came to me fully formed. From there it was simply a matter of putting it on paper.

What work of art/writing are you inspired by?

Where writing is concerned I love anything that has an enveloping world for me to dive into. Harry Potter was an example when I was younger, Lord of the Rings when I was a little older, I still love fantasy today because of it. On top that I love autobiographies because I love to learn how people view themselves and the world around them. Our perception of reality can be a fascinating insight.

If you could only experience one medium of art for the rest of your life what would you choose?

Ultimately I would go with an underappreciated (and underutilised) medium. And that would be video games. As far as the potential for world building, character building, storytelling, beautiful artwork, serial storytelling, video games have clear potential to be used in any of those capacities in a form that is as immersive as any other.

And I sincerely hope the reputation of video games in the public psyche doesn't disqualify it as a form of art because I see so much creativity there.

Heather McGinn What is the creative process like for you?

The creative process is immersive, rhisomatic, exhilarating, all consuming, and vital to survival.

What work of art/writing are you inspired by?

Tamara De Lempicka's 'Andromeda' If you could only experience one medium of art for the rest of your life, what you would choose?

Books, obviously.

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David Adams What is the creative process like for you?

I always feel like I’m walking through fog when the creative process starts and it's only after a dozen sheets and fifty sketches that it starts to clear. It's generally a messy time with procrastination filling the gaps, but it can be therapeutic to spend that time in your head, trying to find out what you’re thinking and how it can be expressed visually.

What work of art/writing are you inspired by?

I’m always impressed with what my friends have managed to produce.

Seeing another person's process and results like a sketch or directed play remind me that there are possibilities waiting for someone to just put in the effort.

Connor Reidy What is the creative process like for you?

As a theatre maker, my experience of the creative process is always different. Sometimes I’m brought on once there has been a script edited and workshopped, ready to perform. Other times, I start with nothing more than a concept. In theatre, you work with other creatives, bounce ideas off each other and interpret the concept as a team. Every voice brings a different experience and perception to the table, influencing the process and what the final production will be.

What work of art/writing are you inspired by?

I try to take inspiration from anything and everything. I feel like there is always something that can be taken from any piece of art – whether it’s the tone, an image, the process or simply the creativity and confidence it took to devise it.

If you could only experience one medium of art for the rest of your life, what you would choose?

Theatre. It blends performance with text and visual art, providing aspects of all mediums.

Leilani Maldari What is the creative process like for you?

I tend to approach my creative process in a random and quite impulsive way. I begin with a sketchy idea and then quickly build on it, further developing and improving my initial concept along the way.

What work of art/writing are you inspired by?

I like to take visual influence from things that I have seen and experienced throughout my life, most recently being the extraordinary sights of Japan. I also aspire to create designs that draw aesthetic inspiration from the colourful and visually striking works by artists/ designers like Keith Haring, Kate Moross and Ricardo Cavolo.

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UniLodge on Waymouth

ONE QUESTION: WHERE CAN YOU ENJOY THE BEST OF THE CITY LIFESTYLE?

Open for inspection Mon-Fri 8.00am to 6.00pm

Want to live where it’s all happening?

UniLodge on Waymouth is located among the West End’s best lounge bars, cafes, restaurants and hotels.

A short walk will get you to the city’s main campuses, Rundle Mall and, for the foodies, Adelaide Central Market and Chinatown.

UniLodge is the market leader in purpose-built student accommodation across Australia and New Zealand.

304 Waymouth Street, Adelaide SA 5000 44

+61 8 8211 9999

onwaymouth@unilodge.com.au

unilodge.com.au

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One Film, One Digital A photo essay. A collaboration.

Two individuals in Japan. Separate trips. One film, one digital.

Film by Leilani Maldari Digital by David Adams

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USASA President Update Words by Jordan Mumford

The beginning of the year is always an exciting time for USASA. From O-Week to Campus Fair, we have been working hard behind the scenes to ensure that you – along with all UniSA students – are able to hit the ground running this year.

I hope you were able to grab yourself some of our awesome freebies in the USASA showbag during O-Week, and if you weren’t then make sure to head on over to the USASA counter at your campus!

Hopefully you’ve all gotten to experience some of the fantastic changes around your campuses, including exciting new food vendors and student spaces across all metropolitan campuses, extended library hours across all UniSA campuses, as well as student lockers at our Mawson Lakes campus. USASA has always been a strong voice in expanding and improving student services and amenities and it’s exciting to see the university delivering in this space. You can also look forward to the upcoming opening of Pridham Hall and the new Health Innovation Building at City West campus!

Your USASA Board has also held our first two board meetings where we discussed our plans for the year and have started rolling out our new initiatives. We have also elected conveners and members to all of USASA’s committees.

The committees do much of the heavy lifting in between board meetings to ensure we are as productive as possible in supporting your needs. USASA also elected our Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Representative, Pamela Spek, as our Vice President. I am excited to

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work with Pamela closely this year and we’ve already had plenty of discussions around how we can work together to improve the student experience for all UniSA students.

As well as spending my time getting around all of the fun that O-Week brings, I’ve also been busy working on beginning the process of constitutional reform to allow USASA to better represent UniSA students. I have also conducted initial conversations around a USASA-run financial support service. I can’t wait to be able to update you all about the progress in these areas over the coming months.

USASA has also been working with the National Union of Students to oppose the 2.2 billion dollars of funding cuts that the Federal Government has forced on Australian universities.

This comes at a time when we see further cuts to our penalty rates from Federal Government and a push for students to pay back their debt sooner. This is a profoundly unfair attack which will directly impact students at UniSA. I will continue to work with student leaders across the country to send a message to Canberra that we will not be an easy target.

That’s all for now. I look forward to meeting as many of you as possible this year and hearing all of your great ideas, feel free to send me an email if you have any questions or concerns too.

Until next time, Jordan. ◊

April

Verse Edition 22 & 23 Deadlines

Whether you’re new to UniSA, or you’ve been here for ten years, get typing, doodling, painting and submit something! The last day to submit for Ed#22 is April 30, with Ed#23 submissions due by 25 June.

What the heck is there to do around here? These things.

20th: Juristic Park Pub Crawl 23rd: Free Community Yoga at City East & West

VerseMag.com.au/Submit 24th: Yoga Society Bake Sale 25th: ANZAC Day 27th: Thoracic Park Pub Crawl 27th: Club & Leadership Grant application closing date

May UniTopia

30th: Verse Mag Edition 22 last day to submit

8th: UniTopia City West 9th: UniTopia City East

UniTopia is coming to all metro campuses with a day of doggos, craft a plant, massages, free food, entertainment + stacks more!

Daily 11am-3pm: City West - 8 May | City East - 9 May Mawson Lakes - 15 May | Magill - 16 May USASA.sa.edu.au/UniTopia

8th: Google I/O Extended SA 11th: ASO Pub Crawl 13th: Mothers’ Day 15th: UniTopia Mawson Lakes 16th: UniTopia Magill 25th: Club & Leadership Grant application closing date 25th-26th: Act in Space If you’d like to organise an event, join or start a club!

Visit USASA.sa.edu.au/clubs Edition 21 2018

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We’re 21!

Join us for drinks and nibbles to celebrate our coming of age!

From 5.30pm on May 4th at The Howling Owl

Mental Health Focus

Edition 22

Submissions Now Open

VerseMag.com.au/Submit

Senses of Colour

Words by Sasha Visari | Illustration by Olivia Huynh

Red is a super-heated metal, or flowing lava – the blood of the earth. It’s the secret power behind life. Red smells of a curry hot beyond belief. It feels strong, like a hug that may destroy you.

Orange is smooth and warm, like the flank of a ginger cat lying outside in the afternoon. It radiates energy yet somehow relaxes, like the cosiness of a crackling fireplace. Orange tastes of Fanta.

Yellow is a light, happy mood, settling over the world before you in a fine mist from the Sun. Yellow tastes of melted butter. Sometimes it’s so bright it hurts the eyes, like the reflection from the clouds of Venus. It glows in the gloom of a rainy day on dorky jackets.

Green is luscious but wistful, like moss on a very old stone. Green embraces with healthy vibrancy and soothes like the smell of young pine needles on a gentle breeze; yet if it glows from somewhere it shouldn’t, there’s no colour weirder.

Blue is fresh and calming, like the reflection of sky on a mirror-smooth lake. It feels like it flows through you and fizzles out any badness. Blue smells of icy mountain air in the moonlight.

Purple is dark even when it’s bright – a luxurious feeling, androgynous and artistic, spiritual and delicious, like eating chocolate whilst listening to David Bowie.

Pink has no care. It’s going to be playful whether you want it to or not. It is the little sister of Red with none of the responsibilities. Pink has the scent of sakura, and gives you love like a kiss with lip gloss. ◊

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A Perfect Flaw Words by Mark Vawser | Illustration by Kyiandra Thanou

I stood in the temple of commitment, alone, carving a statue of everything I had lost.

Every strike of the hammer, every position of the chisel, a labour of grief and desperation.

A form existed within the serene block of marble, it was my job to help it escape. Each curve lovingly recreated with shaking hands, each minute detail perfected with loving intent.

My labour completed and I slumped to the floor exhausted, emotionally and physically broken.

I gazed upon my creation with raw eyes. The sun burned bright behind her, illuminating her illustrious form, too bright to look upon, too perfect to look away.

I sat there for an age contemplating what went wrong, begging, worshipping, and railing against the injustice that took her away from me. The same cycle would run through my mind as my eyes ran along her length. Why, how, when? I had no answers, only shifting conclusions. I tried to meet her dry eyes, but they would not meet mine, turned towards her want, away from my need. The rain fell perpetually as I wept in my solitude.

Falling light and hard all at once, but never ceasing. As time passed the wind began to sweep in a long forgotten storm. I railed at her, screaming at my injustice, but she was made of stone, and I was merely a breeze.

As the storm passed my rage subsided. Head against my chest I tried to weep, but no more tears would come. I opened my eyes to see the reflection of a man I did not recognise in the pooled rain between the cobbles. I was a shadow of my former self, gaunt and world-weary, the weight of her betrayal

bowing my back. I rallied myself from my despair, bringing one leg out from under me I stood for the first time in what seemed like millennia. On weak legs, I rose proud, and the weight of her expectations slid from my back.

“I railed at her, screaming at my injustice, but she was made of stone, and I was merely a breeze” I gazed upon my perfect work once more. The lines of her face, the curves of her outstretched torso, the slenderness of her reaching arms. And I saw for the first time an imperfection. Her face once the embodiment of beauty was not just a little asymmetrical. Her perfect polished surface was now pockmarked with ware. Her arms reaching for the heavens no longer the idealised embodiment of ambition, but of overreaching. She was floored, as I was, as we all are. She did not deserve the podium of which she stood, of which I placed her. Straining I embraced the statue, rocking it back and forth with tender care until we fell together.

She sits there now, in the corner of the temple, out of sight but never truly out of mind. Slowly I built myself up, piling stones around the podium I revelled in my labour. My arms grew strong, my head became clear, and my heart grew a little lighter. Task completed I skipped up the steps crafted with care, turned to receive the open world before me, and sat on the throne I had built. A throne for hope to sit. ◊

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How Far We've Fallen In Defence of Universal Student Unionism

Words by Kayla Dickeson, National Disabilities Officer of the National Union of Students Photograph by Caitlyn Burgess

The 2017 Organisation for Economic Co-operation and Development's (OECD) ‘Education at a Glance Report’ has ranked Australia’s public investment into higher education in the bottom four of the world’s advanced economies. This puts Australia at 30 out of 34 nations. Less than one per cent of Australia’s GDP is spent on investment into higher education. In contrast, private investment into Australia’s tertiary education is double that of the national OECD average of 0.5%, sitting at 1.1%.

Australian students are paying the sixth highest fees in the world as a percentage of Australia’s national income.

Successive conservative governments have only attempted to cut more public investment in the Australian tertiary education sector, with the 2017 Federal Budget proposing to cut 2.8 billion dollars in funding and attempting to charge students more by increasing fees by 7% whilst forcing students to pay back their debts at a HECS repayment threshold of $45,000. While these budget proposals failed to pass the Senate in 2017, the Federal Government is still trying to push through its budget “reforms” in the Mid-Year Financial Economic Outlook (MYEFO) announcements in December. Each year the Federal Government releases a Mid-Year Economic and Fiscal Outlook (MYEFO). In the 2017-18 MYEFO, the Turnbull Government has proposed that they will introduce a number of budget savings that will cut higher education funding.

The Government is also pursuing some cuts that do require Senate approval through their Higher Education Support Legislation Amendment (Student Loan Sustainability) Bill 2018, which includes: • Lowering the HECS-HELP repayment threshold to $45,000 • Changing the HECS-HELP repayment schedule to require students to pay back their debts earlier • Introducing a lifetime lending limit for HECS-HELP capped at $104,000 for most students and $150,000 for students in medicine, dentistry and veterinary science

The proposals which do not require Senate approval include:

“The successive funding cuts

• Freezing the Commonwealth Grant Scheme

of Australian universities

(CGS) funding for bachelor level courses in 2018 and 2019 at 2017 levels, which would ignore increased costs for additional student places or inflation. This equates to almost 10,000 undergraduate places being unfunded.

• Increasing CGS funding for Bachelor’s degrees in 2020 and beyond by about 1.2% a year, yet only for universities which meet performance targets finalised in 2018.

• Removing 3,000 funded postgraduate student places.

• Ending the funding for over 1,000 student places allocated under priority skill and regional needs, including 419 postgraduate places in allied health and nursing, 533 in language diplomas and 250 in enabling and preparatory courses

means that they are falling in international rankings” According to Government estimates, the proposals would save $2.2 billion over the next four years.

The successive funding cuts of Australian universities means that they are falling in international rankings, with universities in Hong Kong and China beginning to overtake some Australian universities as a result of the higher levels of public investment into their tertiary education sector.

A system that doesn’t publicly fund higher education is one that doesn’t invest in our future. The public good is more important than political agendas. ◊

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The Anti-review

Magnificent Milk Words by Jesse Neill | Illustrations by Sascha Tan Milk – a staple of any breakfast. Whether you pour it onto your cereal, mix it in with your tea, or want to make that smoothie extra creamy, it’s one of life’s biggest decisions. With so many options it can sometimes be overwhelming, as feelings of doubt, confusion and a sense of unease sets in. Hopefully our anti-review will help make it that little bit harder to decide on your milky beverage of choice.

Dairy Milk

Almond Milk

Soy Milk

First things first, of course we had to mention ye’ old faithful.

This silky-smooth liquid has a powerful effect that can

Whether you love your almonds activated or like them a bit more laid back, everybody’s talking about almond milk.

Detractors say it’s just filtered water with sugar and a sprinkle of almonds – and they’re right. While it retains a little bit of the creamy texture of milk, it looks a lot more like dirty creek water.

Although some brands have a somewhat nuttier aftertaste (who would’ve thought!) beware of the unsweetened variety, they taste slightly more delicious than wet cardboard. If that hasn’t put you off Almond Milk then make sure to try it on its own first, otherwise it’ll turn your coffee to sauce and your tasty coco pops to a watery brown sludge. “Just like a chocolate milkshake… only shit.”

Ah the classic hippie alternative. Much like the Greens party in recent years, soy has lost a bit of its

either send you floating into the embrace of a creamy dreamland or frantically running to the toilet. However, if you are still drinking regular cow’s milk in 2018 you are either pretty boring or have been living under the proverbial cow’s udder for the past five years. Keep reading this not-so-encouraging list though, and you’ll find you maybe don’t have to suffer under the abuses of lactose any longer.

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popularity, being overtaken by louder minority milk alternatives on the market.

Soy is probably the most similar to milk in texture and creaminess, although it is an acquired taste. If you are able to accustom yourself to the tartness, it’s a great choice for gym junkies in need of some extra protein and it mixes well with coffee. However, those who aren’t used to its flavour have a differing opinion. It has once been described as tasting like the aftermath of milking a handful of wet kidney beans with your butt. I’ll let you be the judge.

Rice Milk

Oat Milk

Coconut Milk

Don’t worry, I was confused too – how do you milk rice?

Remember all those late night Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg cooking videos you would watch to maintain a healthy level of procrastination? Martha was always telling you to wash your rice before cooking it. As it turns out, the watery sludge that’s left over in the sink after rinsing the rice can now be poured over your Froot Loops!

I need to warn you though, rice milk has to be the biggest false advertisement on this list – it doesn’t even taste like rice. In fact it doesn’t really taste like much at all. It is the least digestively offensive milk, although this probably comes back to the fact that it tastes like rice infused water.

Much like rice milk, oat milk doesn’t really taste like its namesake. The only thing oat milk has going for it, is that it’s a little bit creamy and looks somewhat like milk, which can’t really be said for many of these other alternatives. In fact oat milk is kind of like your “hip” uncle who tries to be cool at family gatherings but ends up desperately clinging to his youth. He tries to impress you with hip hop slang that hasn’t been used since the mid-naughties – long forgotten tragedies such as “chillax” and “fo shizzle”. Please oat milk, stop. Just stop.

Don’t get me wrong coconut tastes perfectly fine as desiccated coconut, coconut juice, coconut cream in curries and in desserts. It’s just too strong and viciously rich to be a regular milk substitute.

While it does taste a lot like coconut, as coconut milk should, it looks a lot like cloudy paint water. If you’re pouring coconut milk on your cereal every day I’d seriously reconsider your hedonistic ways. However, if you grab some rum and pineapple juice and mix it all together with a cocktail umbrella you’ve got yourself a delicious Pina Colada – and if that’s not the perfect way to start everyday then I don’t know what is! ◊

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The Signs As: Characters in Sesame Street

Words and Illustration by Sascha Tan

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ARIES

TAURUS

GEMINI

Ernie

Kermit the Frog

Telly Monster

CANCER

LEO

VIRGO

Mr. Snuffleupagus

The Cookie Monster

Bert

LIBRA

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

Count von Count

Elmo

Grover

softie on the inside Brilliant with numbers Always has something to obsess over

Reckons the world revolves around them Questions everything

But knows everybody Has a secret alterego that you probably don't know about

CAPRICORN

AQUARIUS

PISCES

Oscar the Grouch

Abby

Big Bird

March 21 - April 20

Cheeky A bit too eager to show you their party trick If they're not out and about, they're in the bath

June 22 - July 23

Very soft Underrated Catch them binge-watching all the dance movies on Netflix

September 24 - October 23

Spooky on the outside, a lil

December 22 - January 20

Belongs in the bin Loves op-shopping A hoarder

April 21 - May 21

Kind and loyal Will become your friend instantly Still caught up over their ex

July 24 - August 23

Always hungry Could probably do with some meditation Serves themselves before others at the dinner table

October 24 - November 22

An absolute goofball

January 21 - February 19

Always seen wearing way too much glitter at festivals Has a whole lot of love to give

May 22 - June 21

Big ass worry-wart Needs glasses now because they sat too close to the TV Always on their phone. Always!!

Could do with a little reassuring

August 24 - September 23

Can pull off a uni-brow Easily stressed out Can't understand inside jokes

November 23 - December 21

Lowkey in public

February 20 - March 20

Ambitious Best hugger out of the signs Is excited about everything

Edition 21 2018

65

Make a mix of new friends!

Make friends with like-minded people, celebrate a culture & boost your resume by joining a student-run club! Pick from a mix of more than 90 special interest, cultural, academic & social justice clubs.

To join a club visit USASA.sa.edu.au/Clubs

A free, wellbeing event on campus.

11 am - 3 pm City West // Tue 8 May City East // Wed 9 May Mawson Lakes // Tue 15 May Magill // Wed 16 May

USASA.sa.edu.au/UniTopia