Edition 40 | 2021
Taboo: The V-Word(s) Words Ris Solomon Artwork Nikki Sztolc
When I was sixteen, I decided I was going to lose my virginity. I had done other stuff before, but I had never had real sex. Since my eight-grade health class, I had been taught that penetration was what really counted. All this other stuff had been fun, but I wanted the real deal. I wanted to lose my virginity –officially. Months of meticulous planning led up to the big moment; I started birth control, had a loving boyfriend, and found an afternoon where we would be home alone. That was the day I learned about a new, notso-exciting V-word. Vaginismus. Vaginismus is defined as involuntary spasm/contraction/ reflex of the muscles surrounding the entrance to the vagina, making penetration impossible and/or painful, which causes personal and/or relationship distress. (Sexual Health Australia). I was beyond crushed. A shameful trip to the SHINE clinic had me diagnosed and set up with a time-consuming treatment plan. Anyone who watched Sex Education on Netflix may recall a glimpse into the exercises and equipment commonly used to treat vaginismus. What Sex Education failed to portray was the frustration, the pain and the emotional turmoil that I experienced during my treatment process. It was like being on my period during ninth-grade swimming carnival all over again, praying for that tampon to just get up there already so I could swim my race. At high school sleepovers with my friends, I always made up excuses when we talked about our sex lives. I would tell them ‘oh, we’re just never home alone’ or ‘we’re waiting because we want it to be special.’ When I turned 17, the truth slipped out. The news spread from person-to-person until every friend I had knew about my broken vagina. At first, I was optimistic, explaining my treatment plan to those close to me and excitedly discussing the future with my boyfriend. Although the treatment process was painstakingly slow, I began to make steady progress.
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