The Four Seasons
Winter
V I C T O R I A
H O S P I C E
B E R E A V E M E N T
N E W S L E T T E R
If there’s anything I can do… Think of chaos as dancing raspberries, Imagine grief as the outbreath of beauty or the gesture of fish. Swim for the other side. Wage peace. Never has the world seemed so fresh and precious. Have a cup of tea and rejoice. Act as if Armistice has already arrived, Don’t wait another minute. Excerpt from: Wage Peace by Judyth Hill Retrieved November 6, 2007 from http://rockmirth.com/wagepeace.php
“If there’s anything you need, just ask” As a bereaved person, you may have heard this many times and not known what to say. Sometimes it’s hard to know when you need help and harder to ask for it when you do. The following is a list of things you might suggest when people say, “If there’s anything I can do…” Meals – Ask someone to cook one, or some, of your meals regularly. Maybe you’d rather have a gift certificate for your favourite take-out food. If you find that eating alone is difficult, perhaps you could ask for some company at mealtimes. Shopping – Ask a friend to get your groceries for you. Simply provide the person with a list of the items that you currently need. Yard Work – Mowing the lawn and weeding the garden may be low on your priority list now. Maybe a friend could take over some of these chores temporarily. Child Care – You may find that you don’t have enough energy to keep up with your children right now. A friend of yours or theirs might provide you with regular breaks from parenting. Be sure to involve your child in planning for this. Pet Sitting – Perhaps you haven’t felt like going out for walks or playing with your pets at his time. A friend could take your dog out for a walk or spend time playing with your cat. Errands – You may find that non-essential errands such as overdue library books, recycling, or dry cleaning are piling up. You may have a friend who is willing to take care of these things for you. The people who love you want to help. When people seem awkward or tentative, they may genuinely not know what to do and be uncertain whether their help is wanted or not. If you give friends and family something to do, you give them a way to show their love and support. For more ideas about things people can do for you go to: http://www.victoriahospice.org/pdfs/ThingsRemember.pdf ●
1952 Bay Street,Victoria, British Columbia V8R 1J8 • www.victoriahospice.org Bereavement Inquiries: (250) 370-8868 Monday to Friday
Grief in Winter
BOOK REVIEW
People often ask me what the key is to dealing with grief. I have come to believe that so much of coping with grief is giving yourself permission to feel the deep pain and emptiness that come with losing someone very close to you. Exerpt from I Can’t Stop Crying: It’s So Hard When Someone You Love Dies. Printed with permission from Key Porter Books. Copyright © 1992 by John D. Martin and Frank Ferris.
This excerpt comes from a book written by a chaplain and a physician. Full of personal accounts and thoughtful perspectives, this book has been very popular with newly bereaved people for a number of years. Though helpful for any bereaved person, the stories focus mainly on loss of a spouse or partner. It’s short and simple, making it an easy read for most bereaved people. ●
This is the season when the natural world rests. It is a time when many plants and animals rest and renew themselves in anticipation of spring. For many people, recreational activities diminish during this season while social invitations and occasions increase significantly. For bereaved people, this change may be a welcome relief or may feel burdensome and isolating. As you are grieving through this winter season, you may find solace in the relative stillness and quiet of the natural world. You may enjoy being home more and find strength in time alone to reflect on the changes in yourself and your life. Others may feel the shorter days and long nights of winter add to the heaviness they already feel. You may long for springtime and find comfort in the bustle and activity that surround holiday events. However you feel as this winter season passes, try to remember the wholeness of nature and each of its seasons. Allow yourself to choose activities that offer rest and recovery and also those that stimulate and replenish you. As you enter a new year, you may have questions and concerns about what the future holds. It may help to re-orient yourself to the present and focus on taking things one day at a time. If you feel inclined to make New Year’s resolutions you might consider including some of the following on your list: ● I resolve to be generous and patient with myself as my grief weaves its way through the year to come. ● I resolve to go with the flow. When I feel something (happy, sad, mad, guilty), I will acknowledge what I feel and attend to it (cry, write, talk, exercise). ● I resolve to trust my own instincts and do things when/as they feel right for me. ● I resolve to go outside daily. While outside, I might exercise, garden, bird watch or simply breathe. ●
H O L I DAY S U RV I VA L T I P If social occasions and holiday invitations seem overwhelming, try to handle them one at a time. When you are invited, ask if you can leave the invite open and decide how you feel at the last minute. ●
The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones. ~ Chinese Proverb
1952 Bay Street,Victoria, British Columbia V8R 1J8 • www.victoriahospice.org Bereavement Inquiries: (250) 370-8868 Monday to Friday