Industry/field you work in: I work in the art and design industry as a budding graphic designer and an illustrator. My first semi-real design job was with a self-care and fitness space in San Francisco. Other than that, I get a few commissions and projects from different people and small companies through my close network and friends. Do you like being in that field/ do you like your current job? I actually love what I do but I wish there were more opportunities and respect for me in my field especially since I currently don’t have a degree yet. I like solving problems in a visual way and love playing with texts, photos, and illustrations as I go. The best part for me in terms of design is also creating new work to educate and inform people. In illustration, I simply like expressing emotions, feelings, anxieties, and life’s existential crises in a colorful way. I hope to work for companies who can allow me to give light on topics that are important to a larger scope of communities around the globe and to tackle environmental issues. However, in my current (I just recently quit and booked myself a trip to Asia again to relax and heal from it) I didn’t really like my job I guess. At first it was really nice, especially since I got to work with my friend who made me feel really excited, important, and understood with all the projects and ideas I created and the ones we hoped to create. However, the reality is that creative jobs doesn’t get that much respect around here unless you’re white or have gone to an Ivy League school where you earned a masters of whatever the hell looks great in your resume. What brought you there and what were your expectations? I was saving up to move in with my boyfriend (now ex) and just took whatever job I can get. I wanted to also get the hell out of San Jose so I chose jobs that were in the city. I worked at Everlane the same time and didn’t have a day off at all. I was commuting everyday from San Jose to San Francisco and eating my breakfast and dinner while driving to and from just so I can be as productive as I can be. Before that, I was working at Philz coffee for three years while doing a few illustration commissions and selling art prints. Around November of 2017 to May, I was also doing part time at a yoga place to get a free membership, earn a few extra bucks, and you know, yoga for self-care. Those few years being in San Jose and doing the same thing everyday bored the hell out of me. So I thought it was time for a change and there I applied to places in the city and saved up enough money for a deposit for a new place. Right when I moved to the new place I also got a position to do graphic design as a job. Mind you, that was only my second semester in art school so I felt really lucky and excited to show everyone what I learned and what I initially have knowledge in doing so anyways. I agreed to work for them and did my best in every project they gave me. I was using three Adobe applications just to make sure everything is done right. There I was, telling everyone that Typography is important, that grids and guides are essential, that my abstract backgrounds are the culmination of all the abstract art in our workplace. There I was, with all the knowledge from art school and from practicing my craft for the past few years, I was fucking killing it.
My expectation wasn’t much, I was trying to keep a lot of things in my life as simple as it can be so in a lot of ways I was content. Then one day as I was approaching midterms in school, I was given a huge project to work on and was also dealing with a lot of personal stuff that everything all together just made me shut a lot of my friends down and I went into this dark hole of not sleeping in order to balance work and school and everything in between. Even though I had a lot going on I still wanted to do more projects, create more things that matter to society and community, I wanted to be a part of something important so I pitched and asked for raise and promotions but nothing. I killed myself for absolutely nothing. All I wanted was some respect for my talent without the fancy degree, all I wanted was a little bit more money for the time I was taking away from my life and school, and all I wanted was to do more for the community. Are you or have you experienced burning out and what have you done or what are you doing about it? I’ve always convinced myself that everything is okay and that I should really be working harder than ever. I wasted three years of my life not doing anything for myself that I needed to catch up so I worked and worked and by the time my head landed itself on the pillow I realized that I was burning out. The moment I realized I was only getting an average of 3-4 hours of sleep a night because I was on my computer trying to do my homeworks until 2-3 in the morning so I can wake up and do more work for work, work on my personal work, then go to work, and come home to finish work so I can work on homeworks, that’s when I knew it was all too much. The moment I had to cancel on hanging out with my friends who I barely see or even have the time to constantly text, I realized there’s just so much on my plate. So what am I doing about it? I’m cancelling all the “free” commissions I have lined up, I’m quitting my jobs, I’m only saying yes to things I’m excited about, I’m doing more illustrations and applying to art shows, I’m booking trips to Asia so I can actually enjoy it without the creeping anxiety of going back to a workplace. I am leaving the Bay Area even though I love it there too much, I’m doing everything for myself, to heal, to repair the damages the glorified hustle imposed upon me. In a culture where burning out seems to be the norm, how do you define the term and what were the instances where you felt that it was happening to you? Society constantly romanticizes the idea of The Hustle, especially here in San Francisco. Burning out to me is being pushed to your absolute limits. Being mentally, spiritually, socially, and physically exhausted and drained that you don’t have time to enjoy your breaks or days off. It’s constant stress that when paired with anxiety and depression is the biggest mental torment. Have you ever been so burnt out you don’t even get the chance or time to process your emotions, not even time to grieve from death in your family, not even the goddamn time to think and heal the heartaches that’s been affecting you for months now?Have you ever been convinced by the people you work for that it’s a privilege to work for a place and not an opportunity (cause normally that’s how it’s described).
Have you ever cried every morning because of how much you don’t wanna go to work? Have you ever taken edibles every other day so you can get through the day at work? Have you ever taken three shots of vodka or rum 30 minutes before you have to clock in for your job? Have you ever been so fucking stressed that you developed the worst cystic acne of your life so your face bled every night? Have you ever spent half of what you earn just to get to work everyday because your company can’t even help you with your commute? Have you ever been so pushed to your limits you decide to move back home? So I burnt out. I felt that everything was stripped away from me and is getting more taken the more I give my all just to be appreciated for all my efforts. When things wasn’t working out, when I realized I wasn’t getting compensated and respected the way I truly deserve, I snapped, I flew to the Philippines, to my home, trying to revive this person the city is constantly taking away from me. The city hustles, it hustles to strip you away from your identity and from your creativity. Iit convinces you that you have to be money-driven, always pursuing for promotions, always speaking the right words, putting on the best clothes so people think you’re in their standard. Going home in the Philippines showed me a different kind of hustle. People out there are suffering, the poverty is unreal, the minimum wage is 12000 pesos ($200) and yet you can look around you, people are smiling, going home to their loved ones, hanging out with their friends, talking about things that makes them feel so fucking alive. You ask around and you say “but are you happy?” and they reply “life could be better, I could have more money, but I am happy” Where can you find that here? In cafes that sell $15 toasts and $25 salads? In shops that sell $500 tote bags? In the world where everyone’s constantly burning each other out, we profit from self-care experiences, products, and shit.
WHAT’S YOUR COPING MECHANISM WHEN YOU’RE BURNED OUT?
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N OU T ZON E BU RN THIS IS YOUR SPACE... ANSWER THE QUESTIONS OR RANT ABOUT WHATEVER IS STRESSING YOU OUT AND WANT T TO WALK AWAY FROM... U O N R U B E E N N O O Z Z TT U U O O N N R UR BU B DO YOU LIKE BEING THE FIELD YOU’RE IN? YOUR JOB?
WHAT BROUGHT YOU THERE AND WHAT WERE YOUR EXPECTATIONS?
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ARE YOU OR HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED BURN OUT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING ABOUT IT?
FINAL THOUGHTS?
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TH L A E LH A T N ME