thePARENTLINK
June 2011
TAKE A NEW APPROACH TO DATING AND RELATIONSHIPS Tips Parental stress goes up a notch as soon as kids enter the dating scene. How can you encourage your kids to have healthy relationships with members of the opposite sex yet stay safe and morally pure? Youth leader Josh Pease offers these suggestions that just might surprise you: Don’t demonize sex, but don’t overglorify it either. As you encourage kids to save intimacy for marriage, also emphasize that sex shouldn’t be just about self-satisfaction. Model healthy relationships. Let kids see what a sacrificial relationship looks like—on good days and bad. Show them how to work out problems. Teach an “others-focused” approach to dating. Instead of just asking, “Is this person right for me?” dating teenagers should also ask, “Am I right for this person?” Other questions to consider: By my behavior, do I influence the person I’m dating to be more like Jesus? Am I focusing more on what I can get out of them or on what I can do for them? Is my presence in their life right now distracting them from who God is revealing them to be? As we emphasize abstinence and the beauty of God’s plan for marriage, Pease says, let’s also teach kids to model Jesus’ sacrificial love in their relationships now. That way, they’ll be better equipped to thrive as spouses in the future.
“Guy Talk, Girl Talk 2: The Cure for Cooties” offers Bible-based dating tips: Turn off the negative influences. Steer clear of hip-hop songs, magazines, porn, and friends who degrade people and go against God’s designs. Accept the differences. Realize that boys and girls feel and see things differently. Take it slowly. First learn how to build good friendships without the pressure of romance and getting physical. Be responsible for your actions. Don’t cause other people to stumble, whether by how you speak to them or how you dress. Talk with Jesus about your experiences. This may seem weird at first, but praying about your friendships makes a lot of sense if you’re trying to understand the opposite sex. Celebrate God’s love and friendship. In every area of your life, God has a plan, including a plan for friendship and love. Once we trust God and rely on him and his timing, we can celebrate him and his plan for us.
Statistics 68% of teenagers say their friends are in “healthy” romantic relationships, while 19% say their friends are in “unhealthy” relationships. 48% of girls and 40% of guys say trust is the most important part of a healthy relationship. When asked who influences their dating relationships, teenagers list parents first (35%) and friends second (28%). (National Campaign to Prevent Teen & Unplanned Pregnancy)
Going Deeper
At SimplyYouthMinistry.com, Jane Dratz explores how parents can help teenagers through relational landmines: When tough times hit on the romantic scene and you’re pulled into the middle of teenage drama, pass along these insights and strategies that can bring a Godly perspective to the challenge of ending a relationship. Always treat the other person with dignity and respect. Remember the Golden Rule (Matthew 7:12). Don’t let things drag on and on. Address the source of the relational conflict. Talk it
out. When you can’t find common ground to work things out and you know it’s inevitable that it’s time to move on relationally, get up your courage and deal with it. Of course, be sensitive to specific timing. Unpacking personal conflict with others should be done in person, if possible. Come to the conversation calmly, not in anger (Proverbs 15:1). Express appreciation for what’s been good in the relationship. But if you believe it’s time to move on, make that clear. Don’t leave the other person dangling and hoping if you know clearly that things need to be over. Remember to run to God with the tough stuff because he promises to walk beside you through it all. A relationship with God through Jesus is ultimately the only relationship that will satisfy the deepest levels of your relational being. When relational stuff hurts, God’s there in the midst of it to wrap his arms around you.
Discussion Questions
What messages are your kids receiving about relationships from you? From their peers? From society? From the media? What role, if any, should you have in deciding whom your teenager dates or marries?
What can you do now to ensure that you maintain positive ties with your teenager and his or her spouse in the future?
Resource Inspired by 1 Corinthians, in which Paul answers a series of questions posed by the people in the Corinthian church, Pastor Mark Driscoll set out to determine the most controversial questions among visitors to the Mars Hill Church website. After an introductory chapter devoted to the misconception that religion is what saves us, Driscoll tackles the top nine issues, including dating. Because the purpose of this book is to address commonly asked questions, all readers will find relevant, engaging material, written in Driscoll's distinctively edgy, yet theologically sound style. Read this chapter for free at: villagebible.org/studentresources.
Pirates: On Stranger Tides Review Read the rest of this and other reviews at www.pluggedin.com. Š2011, Focus on the Family Plot: The flamboyant and often inebriated Captain Jack Sparrow is once again marooned at port with need of a ship. Of course, he'd love to be able to get his hands back on his beloved Black Pearl, but, well, any ship in a storm, to twist the phrase. And there does indeed seem to be a storm brewing around this mincing, less-than-intrepid adventurer. The authorities are chasing him through the streets of London for some reason. And rumors are swirling that someone is impersonating him and raising up a crew. This won't stand! The only person allowed to impersonate a captain named Jack Sparrow is Jack Sparrow himself! Upon confronting the interloper, Jack discovers that he's a she. Specifically, she's Angelica, a hot-blooded former flame. But after some cross words and few crossed swords, Jack is convinced ‌ well, shanghaied into helping his beautiful ex. Angelica and her father, Captain Blackbeard, you see, are off to find the Fountain of Youth. And they're not alone. It seems everybody is suddenly bitten by the bug to locate Ponce de León's fabled fount. Jack's longtime rival, Captain Barbossa, has become a privateer for the crown of England. And the king of Spain has sent his own powerful force to join the hunt too. All are racing to claim the mystical waters of everlasting life. They just need to find two magical challises and a single tear from a mermaid first, but mermaid tears aren't as easy to come by as you might think. Conclusion: The past three entries in Disney's Pirates of the Caribbean franchise have all had several things in common: dark grotesqueries mixed with beautiful women, handsome but scruffy men, and a general attitude of "devil take the consequences as long as I get me pile o' booty." Now make it four movies all together. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides boasts swords, rum, revenge, zombies, fights with nude mermaids and dark magicking. If Jack is the personification of these films, then a short conversation he has with Angelica sums things up. She yelps, "You haven't changed!" To which he responds, "Implying the need." Still, here you'll also find one thing that's unexpected. Peel away several musky layers of tattered linen and raw-throated "arrrgghs," and you'll find something that resembles a soul. Not a hearty Spirit of Christmas Present soul who blesses the house one and all, of course. But rather a small, squinty-eyed piratey soul who lets out a contemplative half grunt before drawing sword. At least this soul bothers to take some time to wonder about right and wrong. At least characters long for salvation for the wicked and make self-sacrificial choices to protect the innocent. At least an authority figure states, "Only God can grant eternal life." And at least Captain Jack Sparrow blanches at the idea of some poor victim dying for the bounty of another. Now, this meager bit of heart doesn't mitigate all the other rough-skinned folderol onscreen. But it does add something positive. It helps us care a little more about what happens to those trapped in this apparently never-ending theme park ride-inspired tale. And that's something that hasn't necessarily been the case in the past. Perhaps it could even motivate some young, modern-day pirate with a poster of the dreadlocked Cap'n Jack on his or her wall to pause with a half grunt ever so often. And that is worth at least a half-hearted "yo ho ho." I just wish we could all skip past the mermaids. This review is not intended to endorse this film, but rather to help parents make informed decisions.
Calendar of Events
June 2011
Sun 29 AC Cause/Squared Gathering 6-8:30 PM
Mon 30
Tue 31
Wed 1 SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM
Thurs 2 IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM
Fri 3
Sat 4
5 AC Cause/Squared Gathering 6-8:30 PM
6
7
8 SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM
9 IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM
10
11
12 AC Cause/Squared Gathering 6-8:30 PM 19 AC Cause/Squared Gathering 6-8:30 PM
13
14
18
21
16 IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM 23 IC Cause/Squared Gathering 7-9 PM
17
20
15 SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM 22 SG Refuge/Aliens Meeting 6:30-9 PM
24
25
27
28
29 Refuge Family Reunions/ Aliens 5th Wednesday 6-9 PM
30 Six Flags Outing Jr & Sr High 8am-12midnight $65|$50 early bird
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2
Lake Ann Camp 26 AC Cause/Squared Gathering 6-8:30 PM
Upcoming Events July 5-8 July 10 July 23-31 August August September 7 September 12 September 15 October 28-30 November 12 November 16 November 19 December 3
Aliens Junior High Mission Trip with Wayside Cross - $125 All-Campus Capture the Flag Outreach in Indian Creek | 2-4pm Senior High Detroit Mission Trip - $300 | www.centraldetroitchristian.org Aliens and Refuge Wednesday Nights are Off-Site Sugar Grove Aliens and Refuge meet at various students’ homes No Cause or Squared for Aurora and Indian Creek during August Sugar Grove Campus Back 2 School Bash | Jr & Sr High at separate locations | $5 Aurora Campus Back 2 School Bash Indian Creek Campus Back 2 School Bash Fall Camp | Senior High and Junior High | $120 ($99 early bird) Kendall County Food Pantry Service Project | Pack Thanksgiving Meals Ad Vivum – Moody Bible Institute Drama team | Junior High & Senior High Senior High Turkey Hunt | 5:30 – 10:30 PM | $5 | Meets at SG Campus Pack Teen Christmas Bags | $10 per teen bag donation