How to Deal with Conflict

By Sarah Davey Its July…as the temperature rises so do tempers. Everyone feels tetchier when it’s hot. So how do you keep your cool while everyone else is boiling over? Some people are more chilled than others. Whether your temper boils over is down to temperament, past experiences, and the specific situation. Some people snap when they feel under pressure, others when they perceive injustice, and others when they feel disrespected. If you understand your own triggers you’re better placed to address them. How do you normally deal with conflict? When the ‘fight’ instinct is triggered we prepare instinctively to take an aggressive position. If our ‘flight’ instinct is the one that’s tweaked in conflict situations then we’ll beat a hasty retreat. Some of us freeze in response to a perceived threat and others instantly appease to avoid conflict. Knowing our tendency helps us map out a route before a conflict situation arises. Understanding yourself makes it easier to recognize when a tense situation is escalating to the point of conflict. Think back to your last argument. Try to recreate in your body how it felt, remembering as many details as you can. Fix that feeling in your head, so you recognise it as it happens. When you recognise it you can take action. Action might involve removing yourself from a situation before you explode or burst into tears. You can then work on self-calming by going for a brisk walk, screaming into a pillow, or venting your spleen on to paper (don’t give it to the other person though!). Then do something that makes you feel good; play with your cat, watch a comedy show, or listen to your favourite playlist. Once your equilibrium is restored you will then be in a better place to deal with the matter in hand, either by deciding it isn’t worth pursuing, or by means of calm discussion. The more you practice these de-escalation techniques the more skilled you’ll become.