6 minute read
How To Sext Like A Sex Writer
How To Sext Like A Sex Writer
lBy: Ashey Uzer If there’s one thing that’s become apparent to me during quarantine, it isn’t the number of dishes that pile up or how non-ergonomic my desk set-up is, it’s how difficult it is to find someone who can keep up with my sexting.
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I’ve always loved sexting, before the term “sexting” was even a thing. When I was about 14 or so, I would “tell stories” to guys in my classes via text message on my flip phone— basically writing teeny-bopper literotica. Half the time they weren’t even guys I was interested in sexually (not that I had even had sex at that age), I just loved getting dirty in writing. Maybe I should’ve known I was destined to be a sex writer from that age, but I didn’t.
Even as an adult, I really enjoy the process of getting to know someone over text (andmaybe phone and Facetime) before meeting them IRL. My ex and I both lived in different states, met via Twitter, and texted for a good few months before meeting in person. Sure, there are downsides, like if you meet someone IRL and find yourself lessattracted to them physically than anticipated. But for me, I’m better able to express myself honestly through text. And because I haven’t met the person and felt the sexual tension IRL yet, I feel that I’m more myself and less focused on judging if they’re a good date or if I’m being a good date myself.
There’s a good chance you don’t enjoy sexting as much as I do, and that’s okay. But maybe the reason you don’t enjoy it is because you or your partner aren’t very good at it. And, considering the current state of our world, now seems as good a time as ever to improve upon your naughty wordsmithing (and selfie-taking). Here are my words of wisdom.
First, establish consent + trust
Obviously, before doing any of the below suggestions, you want to make sure you trust the person you’re exchanging lewd messages and photos with. You also want to obtain consent to share your naughty thoughts with them. If the person you’re texting is responding to your panty-dropping text message novels with a one-word response or emoji, they might not be as into it as you thought, and you should probably take a step back. Likewise, if you’re into something particularly taboo, you might want to put out some feelers to see if they’re down with that before you start going all 50 Shades of Grey on them.
Say what you actually want to say (and do IRL), but step it up
If you’re at a loss for words when it comes to sexting—keep it simple, stupid. Instead of saying, “I want to fuck you so hard rn,” take a step back and take it slow (just like you would with real-life sex). Nobody likes an eager beaver who goes straight to penetration and
Make it personal
But, don’t stop there. You’re most likely texting someone that you’ve either already had sex with or planning to sex with in the future, so make it personal to them and your relationship. Nobody (women especially) wants to receive the same lame lines that a guy feeds to every girl they match with on Tinder. Using the above sentence, you can make it personal by adjusting it slightly:
Don’t forget about what your partner wants to do (or how they want to feel)
To make it even more personal, and simply hotter, take your sexts one step further by not only describing what you want to do, but how your partner wants to feel (or what they want to do also).
“I wish I could pick you up and slam you against the wall while kissing you and reaching under your little plaid skirt to grab your fat ass. Your ass is still sore from last time, but you’re making those little noises I love, and your panties are sopping wet, so I know what you want more.”
A lot of men I sext with have problems with this part, so pay attention to how you sext. It’s obviously great to say what you want, but notice what your partner responds with and try to play off of that instead of just shifting to another activity or description in your next message.
Don’t worry about enacting your sexts IRL, let a little fantasy in
One of my best friends solely watches gangbang
porn, but she’s never even had a threesome (and I’m not sure she even wants to). Just like porn consumption, it’s okay if sexting is more of a fantasy than reality. Perhaps in your late-night sexting stories, you and your partner miraculously have a third that’s willing to indulge in your fantasies, or maybe in sexting-land you’re down for anal. The reason so many of us love porn (or even those corny erotic novels) is because it’s a fantasy and isn’t always realistic. Maybe you’re not actually going to let your partner take you into the bathroom at your office and fuck your brains out, but the image of it will definitely get you both off.
When you can’t find the words, use images (or sounds)
Admittedly, I’m biased in my love for sexting because I’m a writer. Maybe you’re less into typing and more into doing, or at least more into visuals than having to create mental pictures. This is where FaceTime Sex comes in, or at least some artfully captured (and/ or filthy) nudes to accompany short and sweet sexts. And, don’t forget the art of the sexy video or voice note, which in my experience are both totally underutilized. Boomerang that booty and change things up every once in a while! I bet your partner would love a voice note of you moaning their name while playing with yourself. This is also a great technology to utilize if you’re self-conscious about sending photos/videos of your naked body—sound is sexy too.
My advice for Facetime sex is to make sure your partner is down before you videocall them wearing your favorite lingerie. If it’s a bad time or they’re not in the mood, the rejection probably won’t make you feel great. Also, feel free to find the best angles, places to prop your phone from, and lighting on your own time before the main event. A friend of a friend swears by propping her phone face down on her ceiling fan and taking her nudes (or Facetime calls) that way for that aerial shot.
Practice, practice, practice
I’m not suggesting you send a phallic photo to every girl with “Tinder” as her last name in your phone book (definitely don’t do that), but if you’re stuck inside and bored, why not brush up on your sexting skills? There are plenty of apps to connect with someone who might be down for a little ménage a text, just don’t expect all your sexting to result in IRL encounters due to the peak horniness we’re all at in our self-isolation.
Additional inspiration to craft a good sext: - Tell your partner what you would do to them if you were together right now (the more detail, the better) - Tell your partner what you’re thinking about when you pleasure yourself - Tell your partner what you love (and/or miss) about their body - Tell your partner something that you love that they do during sex, or even a noise or facial expression - Tell your partner about the “highlight reel” of your sex encounters that tend to replay in your head - Send your partner a link to a pornographic video, photo, or work of erotic fiction and tell them it made you think of them/you wish you could some of those things with them - Simply tell your partner that you can’t get enough of them—that’s hot!
