Be Your Own Success Coach manifest your true potential
by Gina Pickersgill
Be Your Own Success Coach By Gina Pickersgill
The archetypal image of the football coach yelling from the sidelines is one we are all familiar with. But the professional face of coaching today is more akin to that of the caring listener. Downey (1999:15) defines this new style of coaching as 'the art of facilitating the performance, learning and development of another'. According to successful Beckenham based singing coach Viv Mann; the essential role of a coach is in helping individuals to 'access something they already possess inside. In this way, the goal of coaching is always orientated toward the enhancement and evolution of the individual in whatever ways they choose to excel, be that a better mother, athlete, student or performer. Success coaching is about facilitating people to be their best self. In short, it's about the inner mental game. This article invites you to look within and discover your own inner success coach. So let's get started by applying the tools of the coaching trade of listening, questioning, observation and intuition to your own life.
TOOLS OF THE TRADE Listening How often do you listen to what you are saying inside your mind? In other words, have you given yourself a good listening to lately? What most of us are unaware of (including me) is that we talk to ourselves about stuff all the time. The film 'What Women Want' is testimony to this fact. Although the content of what we are saying can influence our behaviour, the tone in which we say it can have a larger impact.
The tone of voice we use to talk to ourselves can determine how we respond in certain situations and events. Yes‌ you know the one I am talking about. It's the whiney little voice that says "oh I' m such and idiot.... why does it always have to be me?" Most people have a similar critical inner voice that works to sabotage any good intentions they might have of being the best they can be. Some good advice is to be found in the lyrics of the Eagles song (Take It Easy) and that is 'don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy'. This points to the idea that it's often not what we say but how we say it. for example, try saying the above sentence to yourself in a different tone of voice. Perhaps the voice of your favourite actor or someone else you admire. Choose two or three different attractive voices. As you go through each one repeating the same statement, notice the different responses you get. Doesn't seem so bad now does it? Perhaps even laughable? Good! That's one of the goals of coaching, to get you laughing at yourself and not to take yourself so seriously. When you look at your life through these eyes, you will be able to deal more effectively with any obstacles along your path to success. However, the direction you travel in will depend on your motivational style. In the proverbial 'carrot or the stick' situation, do you reach for the 'carrot' or withdraw from the stick? Listen out for the next time you talk about something you are motivated do or not. If you hear yourself saying things like, 'I don't want this or that', your motivational style will be to move away from the situations, people or events that you perceive as a challenge. The main problem with this approach is personal development can be slowed as opportunities to learn more about who you are get missed through fear. Conversely, if you use statements like 'I'd really like to do this or that' you are motivated to move towards something you want. Having said that, there is no right or wrong style as most of us have a combination of both towards and away from motivations. But by making a comparative list, you can find out your personal dominant style. To do this, think about the situations, people, or tasks you are motivated to move towards or away from and why. Once you've got your list, your job is then to become curious about what you can learn from your discovery. The best way to do this is to ask yourself some empowering questions. Questioning When was the last time you asked yourself a really empowering question? At the heart of coaching is the ability to ask useful or 'empowering questions. By that, I mean the kinds of questions whose power lies in moving you in useful directions. In other words they cause us to think differently about frequently occurring situations or problems. For example, asking the question 'why does this always happen to me?' will be unhelpful as it produces a reinforcing list of negative self-beliefs like 'because you're stupid and you know it'. Empowering? I think not! But what if you were to ask a different question? Are you getting curious yet? What do you think would happen if you asked the question 'what is the best way out of this situation?' or ''how can this situation help me develop my sense of humour'? In asking these KINDS of questions as opposed to de-MEANING ones, you are creating in yourself a real sense of curiosity. There is a word for that where I come from...it's called possibility. In perceiving greater possibilities, the aim of asking empowering questions is not necessarily to always find the right answer. Instead it can be even more useful to gain the new insights and fresh perspectives that a well placed question can bring. In essence, the questions themselves provide a platform from which to ask more and better questions. Herein lies their power in terms of excavating those long forgotten deeply
buried inner resources. So how will you know when you've mastered the art of questioning? Effective questions often result in those 'Aha' or eureka moments. I'm sure you've had a few of those in your time. Moments such as these are sheer gold dust. So to get you started on the right path, here are some more empowering questions you can ask yourself. • • • •
What do I want and how am I going to get there? What resources do I already have? What else do I need? How will I know when I have got there? (What will I see, hear or feel? - What will my life look like?)
Practising asking yourself empowering questions about your life and where you are headed allows you to step out of your situation in order to observe habitual and selflimiting behaviours.
Observing Being able to observe your behaviour from the perspective of a 'fair' witness is probably the best way to discover the patterns of desired or undesired behaviours. Clearly, if you can begin to notice these patterns, you can put something in place that effectively will put a spanner in the works before it even becomes a problem or obstacle for you. That's the whole point of this kind of observation; to get you to stop doing the things that don't work and to do more of the things that do. In having this choice, knee jerk reactions to frequently occurring life events, can often be prevented by recognising the triggers that fire them off. So as a first step in becoming more aware of these, here is something you can do now. Allow yourself to become relaxed in noticing your behaviour, then without judgement, notice what it is that you are doing that you would like to change or indeed do more of. To do this, take one metaphorical step back, ideally into the shoes of the fair witness where you can observe the situation objectively. Once you have sufficient information, you can then decide whether you want to do more of that behaviour or not. At that point, you can decide to either do something differently or choose to improve the current behaviour in some way. What advice would you give yourself from this position? What would need to happen in order for you to successfully deal with the situation? I think you are beginning to get the bigger picture now.
www.britainsnexttopcoach.tv/contestants/Gina-Pickersgill Intuition Apart from the skill of being able to listen, question and observe, a good coach will be guided by good old intuition. Intuition is the ability to notice what you need to do in order to make a 'split-second' decision or to know what's going to happen next. It works through an inner sense of knowing what to do next, hence the term 'gut instinct' is often used to describe it. The time when intuition doesn't work is when we start to analyse our motives instead of just trusting that our gut instinct will show us the way. Therefore, intuition is about trusting in your own judgement and having the faith to act on that. So how can we become more intuitive? Intuition is a skill we already have, it's just that with age we become less proficient at noticing it in ourselves. To notice your own intuition, think of a time when you just know something would turn out the way you thought it would. Perhaps the phone rang and in that moment you had a strong 'hunch' who the caller was. Moments such as these are the best indicators of times when intuitive guidance is in operation. To increase your intuition skills Carol Adrienne, author of the Purpose of Your Life, suggests that 'every time the phone rings, ask yourself 'who's calling? A man or a woman?' The more you do it the more accurate you will become and the more you will begin to trust in your own inner guidance. It's the only guidance 'you'll ever really need. In conclusion, coaching yourself to success is an art that requires persistence, commitment and unshakeable self-belief. If you can use these coaching techniques to improve any area of your life then you are already on your way to being your best self. The more you discover about yourself in the ways I have outlined above, the more power you will have over how successful your life can be in the long run. Go for it! Gina Pickersgill as Nina Lancaster in Second Life (SL) is available for one to one life coaching in Second Life. IM her inworld to arrange your coaching session. Or visit www.virtuallyspiritualsoulutions.com
Thought for the Month
“There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that's your own self.� Aldous Huxley