Issue 238

THE UK’S MOST AWARDED STUDENT NEWSPAPER

YORK VISION Tuesday November 19, 2013

vision@yusu.org

Issue 238

WWW.YORKVISION.CO.UK

“How I look is not what my music is”

The best student pranks!

Lissie interview, Scene pg 16

Features pg 16

is this the Prez they’re looking for? news pg 6

DERWENT STUDENTS “BLACK UP’”AND CAUSE THOUSANDS OF POUNDS WORTH OF DAMAGE

ETON MESS OUTRAGE AS PUBLIC SCHOOL BOYS ‘BLACK UP’ FOR HALLOWEEN

CAUSE RECORD £2250 OF DAMAGE

See all the photos from their rampage inside!

FEATURE: YORK’S MOST BORING LECTURES (pg.18)

DERWENT STUDENTS have caused outrage after “blacking up” and vandalising their college accommodation block.

The four students, who attend-

SCENE: 2013 RETROSPECTIVE ISSUE

ed some of Britain’s most exclusive public schools, painted their faces jet black and donned black morphsuits for a Halloween party in their kitchen.

One of the group, an old Etonian, wore a dreadlock wig as they posed gleefully for photos, dressed as characters from the cult classic Disney film, Cool Runnings. [continues on Page 4 and 5]

SPORT: BUCS PREVIEWS 26-27

2 NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19, 2013

VANBRUGH STRIPS TO RAISE FUNDS FOR CHARITY

VANBRUGH BARES ALL NAKED STUDENTS have been spotted around campus in efforts to raise money for Médecins Sans Frontières.

The French charity - directly translated as Doctors Without Borders - provides medical aid “where it is needed most.” It is currently running an emergency appeal to help people affected by the Phillipenes typhoon disaster.

Vanbrugh Chair Josh Treacy told Vision: “I’m so pleased we have managed to pull off what has proved to be a long and hard enterprise. The level of support we received from college students and the JCRC ensured that the project really took off, and hopefully we can raise a large chest of cash for a good cause.”

The calendars can be bought on Thurday and Friday at Vanbrugh Stall, 12 - 2pm, and online.

Photo credit: Mary Pattison

YORKVISION

The UK’s most awarded student publication Editors: Joanna Barrow Patrick Greenfield

Deputy Editors: James Scott Tom Davies

Digital Editors: Morenike Adebayo

Managing Director: Patrick Greenfield

Scene Editors: Angus Quinn Karl Tomusk

Photo Editors: Oona Venermo Jack Western

News Editors: Leon Morris Jack Gevertz

Features Editors: Zena Jarjis Callum Shannon

Sports Editors: James Pascoe Dave Washington

Deputy News: Selina Pope Beth Child

Deputy Features: Barto Joly de Lotbiniere Goh Zi An Galvyn

Deputy Sport: Ella Howman Dean Bennell

Comment Editors: Michael Cooper Lizzie Roberts

Lifestyle Editors: Helena Horton Maddi Howell

Chief Sub-Editors: Becky Boyle Karl Tomusk

Deputy Comment: Will McCurdy Joonsoo Yi

Deputy Lifestyle: Helena Schofield Bianca Marcu

Advertising Editors: Charlie Benson Olympia Shipley

Scene Editorial list in pullout Opinions expressed in York Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, senior editorial team, membership, or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2013.

Printed by Mortons of Horncastle.

LA-CROSS

“Freshers fun” blasted by YUSU Club punished for “antisocial behaviour” THE LACROSSE team have been blasted for its “freshers' fun” social, which involved one student being sent to hospital.

YUSU Sports President Cassandra Brown put the sports group on probation following their drunken antics on 6 November, which involved freshers being dumped in the James College porters and the Alcuin Berrick Saul Building.

One student, who cannot be named, was also sent to hospital.

“We have put them on probation until the end of term. This means we will monitor their behaviour and speak to the clubs and bars they attend on a Wednesday night to find out what they’ve been like," Miss Brown said.

"Secondly, we have banned them from using any on campus space for their socials. That means anywhere that isn’t licensed like a JCR. Also, they’ve offered to

clean up the Pavilion –where the mess wasand the next time there is any mess that needs clearing up, Lacrosse will be the first club to be called and clean it.”

The social, which is a one-off "team bonding" event for first-year undergraduates, involved freshers dressing up as frogs with green paint, and then being "told to drink large quantities of alcohol."

It was reportedly held at the Sports Pavilion on campus.

Andy Chalmers, who holds the position of Lacrosse President, acknowledged the "antisocial behaviour" but wanted the club to "move forward."

He said: "The club fully acknowledges the antisocial behaviour it conducted on a Wednesday social and is accepting the consequences that have come as a result.

“We want to move forward and concentrate on our BUCS season - where our two 1st teams are undefeated in their leagues and put these rumours to bed and concentrate on Lacrosse. We would be grateful if others would do the same."

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Email vision@yusu.org news@yorkvision.co.uk

Web yorkvision.co.uk @YorkVision

Twitter Leon: @LAMorris91 Jack: @imjackyeah

YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday November 19, 2013

3

MAN TO APPEAR IN YORK MAGISTRATES COURT IN JANUARY

KIDNAP & RAPE TRIAL DATE SET

A MAN accused of kidnapping and repeatedly raping a York student will appear before a judge on January 9th for a plea and case management hearing at Teesside

VISION SAYS...

It’s hugely important that issues such as sexual abuse and domestic violence are highlighted as despite much progress, there is a huge amount still to be done in confronting these problems.

When the Home Office estimates that 1.2 million women suffered domestic violence last year, and Citizens advice recorded an 11% annual rise in domestic violence related calls last year, it’s obvious that this is not a problem which is going to go away without significant effort. As a society we need to educate people, particularly the next generation about domestic and sexual abuse, we should never become complacent and just assume that because women are now equal in law, that the battle is won.

No one, male or female, young or old should feel fearful for their safety, whether they be walking down the street or in the home.

Protests such as these are crucial and moving awareness of this issue forward and pushing for change, otherwise it’s all too easy for a wall of silence to develop and nothing to change.

Crown Court.

Mark Anthony Thompson, 36, is accused of forcing a 20 year old woman into his car at 4am on Tuesday 29th October as she walked through York City Centre. He is accused of raping her twice in Stonebow before driving to Foss Islands Road and raping her

there. He has also been charged with attempting to rape her in Malton before returning to York.

North Yorkshire Police arrested Mr Thompson later the same day.

Thompson, a Fulford resident of Hospital Fields Road, initially appeared before York Magistrates Court

RECLAIM THE NIGHT WOMEN’S OFFICERS Josie Field and Saskia Papadakis have announced an event in support of a campaign to fight domestic violence and sexual abuse.

As part of York’s White Ribbon Campaign, WomCom will be marching through the city centre as part of a ‘Reclaim the Night’ campaign. The march aims to give women a voice and a chance to reclaim the streets at night on a safe and empowering event.

Through this march, and the White Ribbon campaign, WomCom aim to emphasise the issue of women’s safety in York.

Josie Field, Women’s Officer, told Vision: “The Women’s Network are pleased that York will be having a city centre Reclaim the Night this year.

“The network has had Reclaim the Night marches for years now and last year finally saw results in the new lighting in place in Retreat Lane. It’s been

great collaborating and working with David Levene and the YUSU Sabbs through the years and to see York City Council taking the campaign on board now as well symbolises a success.

“It’s so integral for women to feel safe walking the streets of their own city at night and marches like this show an act of empowerment and awareness, I hope it will be a great success.”

The Facebook event page states that “The White Ribbon campaign will also seek to go beyond raising awareness of domestic violence to reduce the instances of it as well.

“Domestic violence often impacts children too, whether directly or indirectly, and we need to protect them from it.”

The White Ribbon campaign also urges men to speak out against violent and abusive behaviour towards women as well as highlighting the problems faced by women.

The march is scheduled for 6.45pm on Saturday 23rd November by the Mansion House.

on 1st November but the judge decided the case was too serious for the court to try. The accused appeared at York Crown Court last Friday but did not enter a plea. His lawyer John Howard has not applied for bail.

He will remain in custody before his appearance in early January.

BOOZE WEEK A NATIONAL campaign encouraging people to communicate about the health risks, social problems and presence of alcohol in society, is taking place this month in York.

‘Alcohol Awareness Week,’ is an annual campaign headed by the charity, ‘Alcohol Concern,’ and takes place from the 18th to the 24th of November.

The purpose of the week is for local communities to engage in their own organised activities and events, fitting in with this year’s theme, ‘Conversations about Alcohol.’ YUSU have confirmed that there will be staff present outside Kuda, Tokyo, Salvation and Revolution every night of week 8, handing out water to students as they leave the clubs. YUSU will also be distributing beer mats in all of the university’s student bars. It is hoped that the slogans on these mats will encourage people to think about alcohol abuse more

seriously.

YUSU president Kallum Taylor told Vision: “We obviously want our students to have a great time when they go out - but to do so in a responsible manner.

There’s a fine line between having a ball and pushing it too far in a way”.

“Having some water along the way, and once you’re done, can really help this out.”

Following on from alcohol awareness week, it is hoped that people will sign up to the Dry January Challenge, where participants aim to give up drinking for a month.

Alcohol Concern states “We’re going to ask people to pledge money or get sponsored to motivate them to stick at the challenge”, whilst further confirming that approximately 200,000 people come to work with a hangover every day.

It is hoped that these facts will create an impact on people in order to encourage them to think more about the effects of alcohol consumption.

4 NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19, 2013

YORK VISION DRUNKEN RAMPAGE

BLACKED UP DERW

£200 TO REPLACE TABLE

“FRESHERS. PRICELESS”

EXPELLED FROM THE CITY WALLS

[continued from front page] They created a bobsled from cardboard boxes to try and recreate the movie – based on a true story about a group of Jamaicans who entered the 1988 Winter Olympics in Canada.

In a rare move, YUSU President Kallum Taylor has heavily condemned the group: “I can’t see how any one studying here at the University of York would think this ridiculous behaviour is anywhere near appropriate in any context,” he said.

“Once this is all said and done with I just hope, for their sake, that those involved take a serious lesson from this so that it doesn’t affect their futures.”

The group’s actions have also angered fellow students, who have labelled them ‘igno-

rant’ and ‘disgusting’.

Caitlin, a third year politics student, said: “This is unbelievably disgusting, but maybe the wider issue is that clearly, some people who go to public schools like Eton, are out of touch, and either utterly ignorant or knowingly offensive.”

In a separate incident, some of the students involved, along with others, have received one of the largest ever fines at the University for causing over £2,000 of damage in a drunken rampage.

They destroyed a table, allegedly stole chairs and damaged the brickwork in Derwent M Block.

They were consequently charged £1,500 for the significant structural damage on two

walls, £25 cleaner, £ graffiti.

After the stude involved comment they will Old E saying: “ dow whi chairs tha theirs.”

Leavi continued wards. On city walls

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19, 2013

EXCLUSIVE

WENT RAMPAGE

50 for the missing chairs, £200 for the £200 for the broken table and £100 for

Vision repeatedly attempted to give ents an opportunity to apologise, those in both incidents have declined to t and have told YUSU staff members be seeking legal advice.

Etonian Fred Weld contests the fine, “They tried to charge us for the winich we proved we didn’t break and at never existed. It’s our word against

ing the carnage behind them, the riot d inside the city of York shortly afterne student was ordered to leave York’s s by police after he was caught urinat-

“There’s a genuinely sinister undertone to a young adult, fully equipped with a wealth of education and social awareness, choosing to perpetuate these backwards racial stereotypes.”

WHY IS ‘BLACKING UP’ SO OFFENSIVE? BME STUDENTS OFFICERS

SAIRISH TAHIR & ISABELLE SCOTT Here’s the thing. It’s not just face paint and a chance to be ballsy for the night. ‘Blacking up’ is steeped in a history of discrimination, degradation and bigotry. That much is obvious when you realise where it’s derived from. The minstrel shows and the toy golliwogs of the 19th and 20th century were pervasive and invasive in their intention to portray black people in a derogatory light. They were meant to dehumanise and caricaturise an entire race into infantile rogues for the amusement of the privileged superior race.

It’s not about remaining PC so the racism police don’t give you a slap on the wrist and a warning about offending someone ‘sensitive’.

There’s a genuinely sinister undertone to a young adult, fully equipped with a wealth of education and social awareness, choosing to perpetuate these backwards racial stereotypes; the very racial stereotypes that hindered the progression of equality and promoted the persecution of many.

Appropriation of culture is bad enough as it harks on a willing ignorance. Racial appropriation amps you up into a whole new level of stupid if changing skin colours for the night is the sum and whole of your joke.

Or seemingly, a perfect icebreaker and introduction into your fresher identity. It seems all too convenient to say it’s a joke and an excuse for a controversial cover photo – BNOC stardom, here they come (!) It’s not smart or witty, it’s just lazy and sloppy.

Heightening racial tensions at the University of York is an especially prevalent issue that needs to be taken seriously. Unless we are seen to do something about episodes like ‘blacking up’, we may see a decline in the percentage of BME students at York (currently at 15%) and an indeterminate residence in national newspaper headlines.

ing on Coney Street.

The North Yorkshire Police order, which was issued under Section 27 of the Crime Reduction Act, instructed the student to leave the York city walls for a “period of 8 hours”, within “15 minutes” and by “taxi if necessary.”

Ben Brown, an English and Related Literature student, joked about the night’s incidents, saying: “£200 for a table, that’s a disgrace, that’s 100 shots at Kuda. Wait, I might not be back there for a while… 200 shots at willow!”

But many students were outraged by their behaviour. Second year student Phil said: “It’s an attack on the University by those who wish to create a Bullingdon Club 2.0. Maybe a cleaner’s job would be a quick way to bring them back to earth where daddy’s money can’t help

you.”

The University is investigating the incidents, and threatened to take action against those involved.

A spokesman for the University said: “This was a regrettable series of incidents which fell below the levels of behaviour and respect for others that we encourage in our students.

“The matter is still under investigation and we reserve the right to take disciplinary action if University regulations have been broken.

We are seeking to recover the cost of repairs to damage to student accommodation, replacement of broken furniture and extra cleaning.”

[Additional reporting by Jack Gevertz and Jo Barrow]

A recent timeline of racism at York October 2011: York’s Racial equality officer is revealed to have said anti-Semitic comments in a private conversation on Facebook.

March 2012: Students are attacked near campus and racially abused.

June 2012: York Vision reports that there is a “Culture of Racism” at the university of York after a student reveals the extent of three years of racial abuse she suffered.

February 2013: An economics lecturer uses a racial slur in a lecture.

June 2013: A student reveals plans to sue the university after she was “institutionally victimised”

6 NEWS TWEETS OF THE WEEK The Lemon Press @thelemonpress “Adam Boulton is doing a talk.

He might be made of ham.”

Kallum Taylor @yusuprez “THE KITCHEN @AlcuinCollege - Opens Monday Morn, 8.45am.... @YorkUniSU #Project4 Staff & Students Welcome. @UniOfYork ”

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19, 2013

LEAVE THOSE KIDS A-LOAN A NATIONAL day of action prompted by the planned selloff of the student loans book will hit York on Saturday, campaigners have announced.

Green Party Press Officer Josiah Mortimer has urged students to join the demonstration against the planned privatisation which could surge the interest on student loans.

The protest, co-ordinated by the Student Assembly Against Austerity, will begin outside the JB Morrell Library at 10am with a rally at the same place starting at 12.30pm.

Mortimer said: “It’s vital that

York students come together to oppose this sell-off. The campaign against the privatisation is growing day by day and York students, and indeed alumni, can play a crucial role as part of a national movement in halting this further affront to young people.”

It comes in response to an announcement by Liberal Democrat Chief Secretary to the Treasury Danny Alexander back in June, which confirmed that graduate debt dating from 1998 to 2012 will be sold off to private investors.

In order for this to be done, the government may offer a ‘sweetener’ which would allow the buyers to increase rates on student debt.

Another possibility is a ‘synthetic hedge’, which would give

STORY OF THE WEEK

A CITY of York councillor has waded into a review about bike bollards on Heslington Road after several students reported that they suffered severe injuries falling over them.

Green Party Councillor Dave Taylor, who represents Fishergate, arranged a meeting into the “death trap” bollards last Sunday.

The action was prompted following a post by third-year student George Hughes on social networking website Facebook, which contained a picture of the bollards with a description of “death trap/work of satan.”

Students flooded to the post to comment about their experiences, with stories about broken collarbones to broken bike chains being reported.

YUSU President Kallum Taylor commented: “I thought it was just me doing something wrong because I’ve thought the same thing myself.”

Why should we oppose the sell-off ?

For a start, private investors don’t actually want to buy the debt as it stands. Just like they didn’t want to buy Royal Mail until the government took on its pension liabilities.

So to ‘sweeten up’ the deal, interest rates on our loans will be raised equivalent to a retrospective hike in fees. The government is claiming this won’t happen, but they will have little say once the loan book is sold-off. Once the debt is in unaccountable profiteers’ hands, contracts can be renegotiated, promises revised and profits extracted.

YUSU PRESIDENT Kallum Taylor has recently announced that he will be setting up an official YUSU Presidential account on the popular app Snapchat.

Taylor announced the news in a Facebook status declaring “Finally caved in. I know it’ll be raw at times and very inappropriate at others... But after a few students

have suggested it as a more - alternative - form of communication and engagement... I’ll be piloting a yusuprez Snapchat account very soon. I’ll fasten my seat belt.”

The app has a controversial reputation, however, it remains unclear as to how the account will be received. A social media scheme will be piloted by YUSU sabbs in the near future, with the news that officers will be setting up accounts on the video sharing app Vine.

NICK DEVLIN

ENVIRONMENT AND ETHICS OFFICER

KALLUM: I’M ON SNAPCHAT

Lucy Shiplee @LucyShipers “Thanks JCRC elections, I now have no recent tagged pictures of myself on FB....

They’re all campaign posters. #CRAP”

government subsidies to private buyers, to ensure that they profit from the purchase.

Although those paying the new £9,000 threshold won’t be affected, the privatisation does pave the way for those students to be affected in the future.

Green Party MP Caroline Lucas, who is supporting the student day of action, said: “Education is one of the most important rights we have, but the Government seems intent on treating it as a source of profit for private investors.”

“Students are right to be angry, and to exercise their right to peaceful protest against yet another harmful and unnecessary privatisation.”

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YUSU Taylor auditions for role in film

A PART in Star Wars has emerged as an unlikely option for YUSU President Kallum Taylor upon completion of his time in office.

Taylor auditioned for the role of ‘Thomas’ at Emirates Old Trafford cricket ground in Manchester this weekend along with thousands of other hopefuls.

The role of Thomas necesitates a ‘handsome, smart, and athletic male’ who ‘has grown up without a father’s influence’ but is ‘smart, capable and shows courage when it is needed.’ The young man ‘doesn’t have the strongest sense of himself ’ but ‘can appreciate the absurdities in life’ and doesn’t ‘take life too seriously.’

Kallum told Vision “I used to do a fair bit of acting before

University, and I’ve wanted to get back into it for ages. Obviously this wasn’t what I had in mind - but when I saw these auditions advertised, I thought ‘why not?’

Either way it’ll be good to get back over to the wrong side of the Pennines for the weekend, and I’ll just enjoy it. It’ll be a fun memory at the very least, regardless of whether I end up joining the dark side or not.”

The auditions have already proved wildly popular, with thousands turned away in Bristol last fortnight after queueing in the rain for hours. Members of the public are also available to audition for the role of ‘Rachel’, a ‘beautiful, smart, and athletic’ orphan ‘who has become street smart and strong.’

The final open auditions will be held in Dublin and London this weekend.

YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday November 19, 2013

LATEST: Goodricke water complaints

WATER GRIPES FELL ON “DEAF EARS” Goodricke Chair lambasts University following ongoing water problems YUSU seeking action in dispute at campus appeals panel

A ROW about an ongoing water outage in Goodricke College will be settled at a University appeals panel - after accommodation officials refused to accept responsibility for the matter.

YUSU Welfare and Community Officer George Offer announced he was seeking a review of the issue last week when University officials said the situation was “out of their control.”

The problems, spanning back to October 2012, have involved two investigations.

The first, launched in November 2012, was triggered following an issue with the mains system not supplying water.

The second was launched in May 2013 after reports of a seizure in the valves causing problems with water pressure.

Goodricke Junior Common Room Committee (JCRC) Chair

Dean Hickey said students feel their complaints have fallen on “deaf ears.”

“Goodricke students rightly feel like their legitimate complaints against the University has fell [sic] on deaf ears,” he said.

“But I want to reassure everyone upset by the University’s decision in this matter that the JCRC is

“DEATH TRAP/ WORK OF SATAN” Bike bollards prompt review

A CITY of York councillor has waded into a review about bike bollards on Heslington Road after several students reported that they suffered severe injuries falling over them.

Green Party Councillor Dave Taylor, who represents Fishergate, arranged a meeting into the “death trap” bollards last Sunday.

The action was prompted following a post by third-year student

George Hughes on social networking website Facebook, which contained a picture of the bollards with a description of “death trap/ work of satan.”

Students flooded to the post to comment about their experiences, with stories about broken collarbones to broken bike chains being reported.

YUSU President Kallum Taylor commented: “I thought it was just me doing something wrong because I’ve thought the same thing myself.”

Photo: Jack Westerm

Photo: Jack Westerm listening and we will ensure, working alongside YUSU that the student voice is heard.”

In the letter received by the students, almost four months later than the 28-day deadline stated by Accommodation Services, Co-Ordinator Catherine Browne apologised for the problem but insisted it was “out” of the University’s control.

“It is our contractual responsibility to provide a number of service and facilities, which include those listed in your complaint form. However, in rare occasions we are unable to meet our responsibilities, due to circumstances out of our control,” she said.

“Your contract specifies that ‘we will not be liable, for any failure or interruption to any services or facilities … if the failure or interruption is due to reasons outside our control.’ Further, a reason outside our control does include ‘for example, mechanical breakdown, failure, malfunction’.

“Regrettably, this is what occurred during the incidents at Goodricke.”

The first investigation originally came under fire in June, after it emerged that a lack of communication between Goodricke College’s private contractor Derwent FM and the University had prolonged problems relating to the mains water supply not working.

UNIVERSITY CHALLENGE

Trials set to open for popular quiz POPULAR STUDENT quiz University Challenge returns this term as YUSU opens the selection process to students keen to represent the University of York.

There are two phases to the selection process, and the top eight applicants from each stream in stage one will be invited to the live final to battle it out for the four team places and one reserve place.

Stage one of the process will be held Tuesday next week.

YUSU’s Academic Officer Dan Whitmore told Vision that he was keen to “bring home the bacon, vanquishing all who stand before them with displays of outrageous intellectual prowess”.

“If you do think you have what it takes to succeed the infamous ‘York Clemo’ as a legend of our time, do pop along and try to join the team!”

The written test will take place at 7pm next Tuesday. 50% of the questions will be in a particular specialism, and 50% will general questions.

The test will be split into 3 streams with candidates choosing one. The streams are: Arts and Humanities, Sciences, and Social Sciences.

The live final is set to premiere at 6pm on Monday 2nd December.

Following an exceptional performance against Bath in this year’s first round, York lost out to Somerville College, Oxford in the second round.

7

NEWS IN BRIEF we couldn’t fit it ) ( because anywhere else RECORD NUMBERS have nominated to stand for the position of Disability Rep at this year’s JCRC elections, Vision has learned.

All seven undergraduate colleges have had student nominees.

This increase in support stands in stark contrast to the 2012 JCRC elections, where only one college elected its rep, the others having been coopted later. YUSU’s Disabled Students Officer Thomas Ron strongly welcomed the news.

Ron told Vision: “I am delighted that so many students are standing for this important position. We have seen far too much apathy in previous years.”

A YORKSHIRE Appreciation Society has been founded at the University of Lancaster.

The society was formed to “celebrate Yorkshire culture in all its forms.” The President, Alistair, told Vision, “We will certainly be arranging and promoting an open social.”

You can ask questions and comment via their Twitter account which can be found @ OfficialYorkSoc. A UNIVERSITY discovery that cattle were domesticated in northern China earlier than 10,000 years ago has been hailed as a “key achievement in human history.”

Professor Michi Hofreiter from the Department of Biology and Professor Hucai Zhang from the Yunnan Normal University co-led the historic finding into the livestock animal.

A spokesperson, who said it was a key achievement in human history, told the York Press: “A lower jaw of an ancient cattle specimen was discovered during an excavation in north-east China, and was carbon-dated to be 10,660 years old.”

A YORK physics graduate turned City investor has pledged to invest money to help students experience the stock market.

Investor Paul Griffiths has given £10,000 to the initial portfolio, which will kickstart the financial pool dubbed the Griffith Investment Fund.

Students taking part in the project will experience the highs and lows of the stock market, working as analysts to decide where to invest money in an ethical framework using the investment. All profits made will be donated towards student bursaries and grants.

Mr Griffith said: “Real money experience of the highs and lows of investment management will help York students stand out from the crowd.”

8 NEWS

Vision's James Scott looks at tasteless fancy dress, student referendums, and the ‘Rear of The Year.’

YORK VISION Tuesday November 19, 2013

STRIKE SET TO HALT UNI...

AGAIN Staff to stage second walkout in row over pay on 3rd December Lectures and seminars face cancellation over the plans

Student Press The furore about tasteless party costumes has dominated the student press this week. Seemingly sparked by Julianne Hough’s rather tasteless Halloween costume and Chester’s infamous Twin Towers duo, the phenomenon has spread round the world like wild fire. According to The Student, Edinburgh is the latest to victim to this insidious trend, with its Law Soc in trouble after several members attended an ‘around the world’ social- dressed as Somalian Pirates, proving once and for all that stupidity exists whichever University you go to. The students were apparently called out by members of the Amnesty Soc, Tibet Soc and those old stagers Veg Soc, who were met with the perfectly valid response “it’s only for one night.” Amazing the quartet were also let into The Hive nightclub which left the club as well as the Society with a lot of explaining to do.

With the abysmal turnout at YUSU referendums, and the generally appalling reputation of student politicians nationwide, you might think that no-one really cares about student politics. However not so; indeed, it appears that Cambridgeshire Police have taken a keen interest in the machinations of the Cambridge political elite.

The Cambridge Student, among many publications across the student press world, has reacted with alarm at the release of a video purporting to show a police officer trying to recruit an informant to secretly monitor the activities of Cambridge political activists including Unite Against Fascism, CUSU, and even College JCR’s.

However, instead of spying on the politicos, the informant recorded the meeting and leaked it, creating a great ruckus. Paranoia over mass surveillance has already spread to York with rumours that in the next few days York will be sweeping its JCRC’s for bugs (not really).

Finally, something a bit more light-hearted. Our friends at The Tab, have been predictably involved in a bit of hot and bother this week over their ‘Rear Of the Year’ competition. Objectifying women, were they? Making students feel self-conscious about their bodies? Nope, they forced to change the competition name to ‘best bum’ after they were sued by the proper ‘Rear of The Year’ (est 1976), who described the whole thing as a “tasteless student stunt”. The Tab apologised to founder Tony Edwards for abusing his trademark, before adding “We hope it is in his heart to forgive, rather than spank us”.

THE UNIVERSITY is facing the prospect of renewed strike action by lecturers and support staff on 3rd December following on from a strike on 31st October.

The dispute, involving the UCU, Unite and Unison unions, is due to a 1% pay increase proposed by the Universities and Colleges Employers Association (UCEA), the union claims that this is tantamount to a pay cut and that lecturers had in effect suffered a 13% fall in their pay in real terms.

October’s action was the first time that the UCU, Unite and Unison unions had called for coordinated

national industrial action across UK universities. The effect of the action was disputed with the Unions claiming that the UK universities had become ‘ghostowns’, while the UCEA claimed that the effect was minimal.

University registrar David Duncan told Vision that 5% of York staff participated in the previous strike.

He admitted that he was unable to forecast the exact level of disruption for the December strike but that the second day of action attracts less support than the first.

“Our position hasn’t changed” he said, “We would like both sides to return to the negotiating table and try to reach an agreement. We will try to do our best to mitigate the effects of the action on students.”

Photo: Josiah Mortimer

OPEN KITCHEN

Cafe Barista replacement unveiled

Photo: Kallum Taylor

The Kitchen officially opened yesterday morning. Offering a selection of sandwiches, cakes and ‘brews’, and managed by YUSU Bars, The Kitchen is to replace Café Barista as one of four YUSUmanaged outlets for students at York.

YUSU President Kallum Taylor told Vision, “It’s a completely unique, flexible – and perhaps slightly weird space – which is run by students, for students… And one which

DON’T BE ATOS-ER Disability assessment concerns raised Boycott of Atos employment encouraged

YUSU in bid to block Atos at Careers Fair AN NUS campaign against the disability assessment company Atos has been launched at the University.

YUSU Disability Officer Thomas Ron and the Disabled Students’ Network have proposed action following concerns about the treatment of disabled people by the multinational organisation.

Atos, which carries out disability assessments on behalf of the Department for Work and Pensions, has come under fire after allegations that they were “forcing” people to lose their benefits.

“I and the rest of the Disabled Students’ Network have been very

concerned about the behaviour of ATOS and how it treats disabled people, which forces them to lose benefits that they need,” Ron said.

The benefits the company assesses includes Employment Support Allowance, Disability Living Allowance, and industrial injuries Disablement Benefit.

But there are further concerns that Atos are attempting to hire university students without them knowing this information.

“We intend to ask the Union to support student action against Atos should they arrive on campus and also to ask the university to not invite Atos on campus and not allow them space at careers fair, as their presence often causes distress to disabled students,” Ron added.

will again prove that YUSU are best placed to run student facing services on campus, centred around their demand. Enjoy the sandwiches, enjoy the cakes, and enjoy the brews.

“The Kitchen will soon be the most popular hidden gem on campus – if you can forgive the oxymoron!”

Often used by student and staff of Health Sciences and Chemistry, Café Barista was closed last year after revenue halved.

Upon gaining over 1200 individual signatures within 7 days, YUSU were given permission to take over the running of the café.

YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday November 19, 2013

9

JCRC CHAIR REVIEW SAM MAGUIRE LANGWITH GRADE: 1ST DEXTER CLARKE JAMES GRADE: 3RD

JOSHUA LEE ALCUIN GRADE: 2.1

MARIAN LALLY HALIFAX GRADE: 1ST

DEAN HICKEY GOODRICKE GRADE: 2.1 ANMOLI SODHA DERWENT GRADE: 2.1

JOSH TREACY VANBRUGH GRADE: 1ST

THE REVIEWER

I

t’s that time of year again folks! Once again as sure as Death and Taxes the JCRC elections have rolled around and it’s to pick ourselves a new crop of politcos to serve in the upcoming academic year. With that in mind, we’ve had a look back at our outgoing college frontmen (and one frontwoman) and tried our best to gauge the various achievements and failures and make them into a comphrehensive review. We’ve had them weighed, we’ve had them measured and we’ve delivered our verdict for your perusal. So find your college, and see if your chair graduated with flying colours or only just about scraped by.

A

fter the tenure of now YUSU Welfare Officer George Offer as Halifax Chair, Marian Lally had some not inconsiderable shoes to fill. Her main pledge was to rebrand JJ’s which she described as having a “glorified beige community-centre vibe”.

Her acquisition of a dance machine, air hockey table, Sky TV as well as some new furniture, game consoles and a well needed paint job seem to have done the trick, making the space a proper destination for Halifax students.

She has also been credited with a series of popular college events, and a Freshers Week which has been labeled by some as the best on Campus. Lally feels the new events have increased Second and Third Year participation and she has instituted a

A

lcuin College has often been viewed, by outgoing JCRC Chair Lee’s own admission as “the quiet college” where revelers feared to tread.

Lee feels that he has changed that this year, putting Alcuin on the map, organizing the college’s biggest Freshers Week ever.

Lee ran on a platform of “Moving Alcuin Forward” and has proved a visible Chair, with significant name recognition outside of Alcuin.

Ultimately, Lee’s quest to finally end the jokes about his home college as the reserve of dull, reserved science’s students, whilst admirable may still have a long way to go, but in terms of putting a very public face to Alcuin College, Lee can certainly be commended.

W

hatever his achievements, James College Chair Dexter Clarke will see his administration overshadowed by the circumstances surrounding issues with the James College Freshers week.

He also had to deal with resignation of one of his Vice Chairs for unknown reasons, and shortly afterwards himself due to becoming a leave of absence student.

On the plus side, James College has had some decently turned out events this year and its sporting performances haven’t been too shabby either, not to mention the college giving us a moment of College Cup magic when James 3rd managed to beat their own 1st team on penalties.

Overall however, the next James Chair must do more to engage with his members and JCRC.

T

he position of Chair of the Derwent JCRC is no cakewalk by any stretch of the imagination. As a college with such fierce pride any college leadership figure will have considerable expectations put upon them.

Anmoli Sodha has had some well publicized setbacks, most famously the cancellation of Big-D in its current format after years of losses, and her failure to bring back the Derwent Spring Formal.

However, Sodha has been known as a strong and formidable leadership figure and was able to execute another highly competent Derwent Freshers Week, which remains notorious University wide. In the end, whilst not achieving all she may have hoped, Sodha did the main thing she promised, keep Derwent’s reputation intact.

L

angwith Chair Sam Maguire has had a fine year, with his JCRC winning acclaim at the YUSU awards for the quality of its events and for forging a much needed college spirit and identity for the uprooted new Heslington East College.

In a similar vein to Hickey, Maguire campaigned on improvements to the Heslington East Bus Service and the inclusion of a Cashpoint, which were both successfullyachieved.

He also achieved his campaign goal of 24 hours porters, was an early proponent of the now much anticipated College Varsity and he also organized a highly successful College trip to Amsterdam.

All in all, he’s had a fine year and we wouldn’t be surprised at all to see him rise to a higher office in future.

D

espite rumours of trouble and division within the Goodricke JCR this year, Goodricke Chair Dean Hickey has broadly delivered on the majority of his campaign promises, securing a Cashpoint on Hes East and working with Kallum Taylor to improve the Hes East bus service.

Due to the nature of these reforms involving YUSU, the credit received for the reforms by Hickey has been largely dwarfed by the influence of Taylor.

Hickey has not been one of the most visible college chairs on the University stage, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing, and despite his scheme to sell Goodricke as brand perhaps proving a little too ambitious, for simply achieving the vast majority of his own pledges, the Goodricke Chair has to be given due credit.

A

fter being elected chair amidst the chaos of Vanbrugh’s somewhat dysfunctional JCRC elections, Joshua Treacy has managed to rally the college and accomplish much of what he set out to.

Vanbrugh has seen a number of good events and has gone some ways to building the bold college identity which he spoke about in his campaign. Treacy has spoken up on a number of University wide issues and has served and has represented his college’s interests well.

Treacy inherited a dismal financial situation from his predecessors who managed to spend £13,000 on the Christmas ball, but has clawed his way back up to financial stability, while making a successful freshers week, introducin Vanbrugh jazz nigh (among others) and sporting a enviable purple onesie.

10

YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday 19 November, 2013

AMERICA’S POODLE ABSOLUTE MADNESS

DEGREE CLASSIFICATIONS at the University of York may be subject to a radical overhaul after six members of the elite Russell Group announced plans to trail the American grade point average system.

Although the University has not released plans for any changes, management are considering a number of options.

The GPA system awards undergraduates a grade between zero and 4.25 throughout their course. At the end of the degree, students are awarded a grade point average.

The Higher Education Academy, a charity based at the University of York, will monitor the GPA trial and Sir Bob Burgess, vice-chancellor of Leicester University, will oversee the pilot.

Prof Phil Levy, deputy chief executive the charity, said: “It is essential that the proposed national GPA system is thoroughly tested in different institutional contexts.

“Only by doing this will the sector and wider public be able to understand whether GPA will enhance the student experience, both while they are studying and after graduation as they seek employment or further study.”

The grading scheme is believed to be fairer than the 200 year old system of First, Second and Third class degrees. Birmingham, Edinburgh, Leeds, Nottingham, Sheffield and Southampton have opted to partake in the trial.

The University of York is also considering a degree classification system that would split existing classifications in half, giving higher and lower grades for each degree class.

THE HOUSE of Trembling Madness has scooped the Best Pub Award at Yorkshire’s prestigious White Rose Awards.

The iconic local ale house, located on Stonegate, took the accolade at the biggest regional awards ceremony, run by Welcome to Yorkshire, on 11th November.

Chief Executive of Welcome to Yorkshire Gary Verity hailed the victory as a “huge achievement”.

“It is a recognition for the tireless and hard work of the staff and of going the extra mile to help raise the bar nationally,” he said.

The Director of The House of Trembling Madness, Ian Loftus, also

expressed delight at the achievement, telling Vision: “This is a momentous achievement for us.”

“We’re very lucky with our location: a medieval hall overlooking York Minster.”

The award has been displayed in the lion’s mouth above the bar in the medieval pub, which was converted from a tearoom in early 2010.

Access is only available via the stairs through the entrance.

Other winners included Riponbased soup maker Yorkshire Provender, which won the Taste of Yorkshire Award, and Bridlington-based The Spa, which scooped the Business Tourism Award.

Other title contenders include The Ackhorne, the Evil Eye, the Golden Fleece, and The Maltings.

11 COMMENT

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday November 19, 2013

www.yorkvision.co.uk/comment comment@yorkvision.co.uk

WHAT WOULD THE FOXES SAY? POLITICAL AGENDAS ON CAMPUS ARE GETTING OUT OF HAND

BEN WATKINS @YorkVision

H

ealthy disagreement and debate amongst student societies is crucial to a vibrant university atmosphere.

However, there appears to be a nasty culture in certain societies to opt for confrontational politics, and what is increasingly an agenda of censorship and intimidation.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, we are not dealing with the internal politics of Soviet Russia here, in power terms, student societies sit somewhere between a primary school council and a church fete committee.

Yet some of the recent behaviour exhibited by members of societies would be far more familiar to Russians of the 1950’s, than to students at an educational institution.

Take the recent incident regarding York Conservative Society’s fox hunting themed social, in which the male members of the society were encouraged to dress as foxhunters and females as the hunted. Whilst many, including the executive of TorySoc, thought this was a tongue-in-cheek idea for a fancy dress theme, others took offence.

Any reasonable person who has thought for more than 30 seconds about the idea of encouraging females to dress as animals that are to be hunted around York city centre, and still thinks it’s a good idea should probably not have made it as far as higher education. However, if we simply put this idea down to a lapse in judgement (and a fairly minor one in the grand scheme of things; let me direct you to Durham University’s St Cuthbert’s Rugby Club’s Jimmy Saville themed social), then it makes the reaction of members of certain vegetable friendly societies even more bizarre.

As a result of this planned event, and as seems to be the trend, there was a sudden lurch toward hysterical, aggressive and confrontational politics by opposing societies. TorySoc was subjected to threatening and abusive torrents over social media. were apparently pressured by Conservative headquarters into canceling the event.

There appear to have been two main grievances being angrily expressed. The first coming from a feminist angle, and the second from a militant anti-fox hunting position.

However, let me first make one thing clear; this was in no part a political statement, on behalf of the Conservative society, in support of fox hunting (although if it had been I would whole-heartedly defend their right to have made it, without suffering threats). Furthermore, I am confidently

assured that many of TorySoc’s members who were taking part, are actually anti-fox hunting. Clearly then, anybody attacking the social on the grounds of anti-hunting made a serious miscalculation.

Yet there is scope here for actual offence. The fox hunting themed social can be seen as degrading towards women. Few people would argue against this (UKIP voters being the obvious exception-probably).

But does an error of judgement by TorySoc give individuals the right to engage in aggressive and intimidating behaviour in the name of women? Certainly not.

At the risk of sounding melodramatic, we are not dealing with the internal politics of Soviet Russia So what is the charge? An overzealous and ham-fisted attempt at standing up for feminism, or a misidentified effort to censor the right of a political society to make a political statement about hunting? Either way, it doesn’t look good.

All too frequently University political societies define themselves by what they don’t like, rather than what they want, in

TEAM AMERICA

this atmosphere ideological rivals are not just mistaken, they’re evil, enemies that must be purged. This kind of inflammatory rhetoric only serves to legitimise the barmy actions of the students who chose to abuse members of TorySoc. Why could the objections to this social not have been raised politely to the Conservative society, giving them the opportunity to amend their event? Instead, a strange parallel universe appears to exist in the York student community, in which some societies feel it is acceptable to jump headily into confrontation and intimidation, before making any attempt at reconciliation.

The resort to threat making in order to further political agendas only angers and entrenches the opposition, and worse still, it disengages others altogether. FemSoc, VegSoc promote worthwhile student causes. But I cannot help feeling that so much misdirected passion, as in the case of “foxgate”, does their causes far more harm than good. Ultimately, this is the problem with student politics; individuals getting very angry about very little.

As amusing as inter-societal spats can be, I hope I’ve highlighted their darker side.

I for one, would far rather be part of a student community which is inclusive, and works towards breaking down the barriers of the outside world, rather than reinforcing them.

DOES AMERICA NEED TO RECONSIDER ITS RESPONSIBILITIES IN IRAQ?

JOONSOO YI @joyiparr

T

here seems to be a habit of mind, which had been consolidated during the last decade, to associate Iraq with ‘blunder’. Only just after the turn of this decade when the American military forces withdrew from Iraq, with: ‘never again’—a phrase uttered in grievous profusion to mean that any future entanglement with the affairs of the aforementioned state must be avoided at all costs.

So with that in mind it was rather brave of Nouri al-Maliki (current prime minister of Iraq) to publish an op-ed piece in The New York Times titled ‘Have Patience With Us,’ an open plea to the American people who are unabashed to make those wordassociations count. In it, he argues that the presence of Al Qaeda in Iraq is very much alive and real, and that something must be done to contain their influence in the country. He goes on to state that he is not demanding American boots on the ground – rather, he is merely asking for weapons which are needed to fight terrorism and also for some advanced military aircraft to control the country’s airspace. He reaches

a low-point, however, when he begins to strive rather all the more officiously to delineate Iraq as a “vibrant” democracy. It is probably worth pondering what Orwell has said about these sleazy euphemisms, words like “vibrant,” which are often employed by tactful politicians to disguise their true intentions (amusingly, Martin Amis used to refer to them as ‘mouldering novelties.’) Iraq is a faux democracy, where power is effectively vested in the hands of one man: Maliki, himself. He has actively

The presence of Al Qaeda in Iraq is very much alive and real fought against freedom of expression, under the professed pretext of preserving the security of his state, all the while brutally oppressing the opposing political parties through unscrupulous scrutiny and marginalizing the Sunni Arabs by disenfranchising them.

Despite his efforts to reach Washington, Maliki has so far failed to attain the military support that he so desperately wants, and it would take some miracle—which really does mean it won’t happen—to convince Obama to come to his rescue in quite

the way he would have liked. Maliki’s only outlet of hope is that Obama seems willing to support Iraq with intelligence support.

What Maliki seeks from the American intelligence/counter-terrorism program, and to what extent Obama is willing to comply, remain obscure, but one could only speculate that the former wants the full backing of the latter. That is to say: a) he wants advisers from the American security agencies who could then subsequently help bolster the Iraqi intelligence program and b) the United States to conduct unforgiving and controversial drone strikes on western Iraq where Al Qaeda forces are primarily entrenched.

Now, I have gradually come to think that any attempts to disengage from the matters concerning Iraq would be rather ill-considered. While there exists a certain recognition that to embroil oneself with the affairs of countries abroad is an unfailing sign of lack of discernment, this is not the case here.

Principally, it is important that a stable Iraq is created so that its hostile sectarian conflict, which has a strain of atavism, is at least partially resolved. To attain this end, Maliki has to stop cracking down on his dissidents, especially the Sunnis. The violence in Iraq, i.e. suicide bombing which is no longer an occasional occurrence but quotidian, is fueled by radical Sunni insurgents who joined Al Qaeda because they

felt marginalized by the overt political inequality in their country. By franchising the disenfranchised, Iraq would not become suddenly impervious to violence, but it is certain that the magnitude of violence which is being exhibited today will be substantially scaled back.

One can’t help but notice that Iraq is conveniently located between Iran and

Maliki has to stop cracking down on his dissidents, especially the Sunnis Syria. This could mean two things: 1) If the United States supplies the Iraqi government with advanced aircrafts, the Iraqis will have control over their own airspace.

This would allow them to block the flow of weapons from Iran to Syria whenever they can. 2) If Assad is cut off from its largest ally in the region, he would likely lose the war. A post-Assad Syria, if it could be envisioned, would be disastrous for Iran who will have lost a key ally.

For the United States, working with Iraq provides a unique opportunity to weaken two of its biggest enemies in the region.

Perhaps this is all a bit idealistic, but, perhaps, just maybe it’s worth giving it a try.

12 COMMENT

THE VOICE OF

YORK VISION

DON’T LET THE ACTIONS OF A MINORITY TAR ALL STUDENTS WITH THE SAME BRUSH

I

n the wake of several weeks of renewed scrutiny of some of the more unsavoury sides of student life and the perceived culture therein, it is clear that a sense of perspective has to be found.

Needless to say, we at York Vision condemn the reckless and ignorant behaviour of the students who vandalised their accommodation. However, whilst unsavoury racism and idiotic sports club initiation rituals are clearly a problem, and should be rightly condemned. It’s at times like these that we need to speak up in defence of the reasonable, right minded majority of students, who did not go out for Halloween blacked up or dressed as the Twin Towers and who have never made a moronic video of themselves pouring a pint of milk over their heads in a display of astonishing stupidity.

Whilst worrying trends may be in play in British Higher Education, the particularly objectionable and stupid elements are by no means a representation of students in general.

That being said, it’s still important that the student population distances itself from incidents and behaviour it views as beyond the pale, particularly considering the worryingly prevalent view amongst certain sections of society that students are a loutish band of incorrigible hedonists who are a danger to themselves and others.

York, among other universities, has a habit of scandals like that of our front page story popping up about once a term. There’s always a backlash, but inevitably, there’s always a group of people attempting to defend the group causing offence, or brush it to one side by saying it’s a one off. The pictures on page four and five were on Facebook pages that were open to the public and they escaped criticism. Not a single person thought they were offensive, or dared to point it out on their profiles. Clearly, there is a problem that has to be addressed within our university’s culture about standing up against bigotry and ignorance.

Ultimately, every group in society has its skeletons, it’s how we react to them that defines us, and it’s by that, our reaction and not by the foolish and offensive actions of a minority that we as students should expect to be judged. We must not let students continue to be roundly condemned by wider society because of the occasional idiotic behaviour of inebriates and bigots.

This is particularly important with regards to the uncertain future which faces us as university students, with continuous raging debates and endlessly shifting waters regarding government reform and the resulting strikes and protests that follow. Not to mention hints of a change to a GPA system on the horizon mean that it is of even more pressing importance that students are viewed positively and ultimately taken seriously by our nation’s elites, lest our voices be lost or ignored in the discussion regarding our future.

YORK VISION Tuesday November 19, 2013

WE’VE GOT PROBLEMS WITH OUR PRIVATES JOHN MAJOR BEMOANS THE PRIVATE SCHOOL DOMINATION OF OUR POLITICS

ELISABETH DAVIES @ lizzy_gd

O

n Monday 11th November, the Daily Telegraph released an edited transcript of ex-Tory PM John Major’s speech delivered to South Norfolk Conservative Association the Friday before.

In this speech, Major points out the problems with our current education system.

He highlights how “In every single sphere of British influence, the upper echelons of

Private schools undoubtedly equip their students in a certain way as to produce the very person that John Major is talking about power in 2013 are held overwhelmingly by the privately educated or the affluent middle class”. This is progress; recognition is the first step towards change and there’s sure as hell a lot that needs changing.

BBC News reported in their coverage of the speech that “more than half the current cabinet were educated at private schools.”

With around just 7% of students from the UK being privately educated, this is hardly a fair representation of our educational

and cultural make up as a nation.

To set out my position on this debate from the start: yes, I do recognise that there are a lot of state educated members in parliament; yes, I did attend a state school, and no, I am not trying to demonize those who do attend private schools. This being said, I cannot help but feel that once certain types of pupils have been educated, graduated from Oxbridge and jumped through various other ‘hoops’ - including smashing up restaurants in the name of a glorified ‘club’ - they feel they have the right to claim a top job in the ‘upper echelons of power’.

Some people might be as quick to point out that it is actually us, the public, who vote in the Eton educated, Oxbridge types and if we want something to change, then we should start voting in other people. My point is exactly this; the pool of politicians to choose from in the first place is remarkably homogeneous, and it is homogeneous for a reason. Private schools undoubtedly equip their students in a certain way as to produce the very person that John Major is talking about.

I’m all in favour of people attending the ‘best’ educational institutes that they can.

However what, in this context, qualifies as ‘best’? I would argue that going to a state school where there was a range of wealth, ability and social standings equipped me far better for life than any private school ever could. I left my secondary education with relatively good grades and, as a result, was able to get into my choice university; however, I’m very aware that many young people do not have this opportunity. Many of my peers and friends got lost in the state education system and never made it out

again, so in this sense schools funded by the government are also failing society.

As Russell Brand said, a certain type of person will walk into the House of Commons feeling very much at ease with the décor, the company and the social basis on which the Commons operates. In the same vein, another type of person will walk into the same room and feel exactly the opposite, and this is not the way it should be. People should never feel to be embarrassed about where they come from. We need parliamentarians from a cross section of different backgrounds in order to create a good social balance, especially in politics. Politicians who are claiming to represent the interests and the people of a country must share at least a little bit of life experience

A certain type of person will walk into the House of Commons feeling very much at ease with the décor with those people.

Surely, as a consequence, in these elitist schools there should be more of an emphasis on life education, rather than a coaching session for how to gain entry to the coveted Oxbridge.

I think what this indicates is that there is not so much a problem with the existence of private schools as such, but rather it’s the culture of contemporary politics which is the real problem and that needs to change for the good of us all.

Patrick Greenfield

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YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday November 19, 2013

IS CHRISTMAS BECOMING TOo COMMERCIALISED?

LEON MORRIS

YES

@ LAMorris91

A

h, Christmas. Is it that time of year already? Or rather quarter. Well, let’s don the jazzy jumpers, munch on Heston’s Mince Pies and blare The Pogues on Spotify. “Tis the season to be jolly after all.”

Actually, I‘d argue that it really isn’t. I dismay when my FB newsfeed begins fillling with those who count down to that dreaded day. Yes, you’re right.

To my friends, I’m known as a bit of a scrooge but I’d consider myself a person full of love, respect and appreciation for all.

I question the perilious sexism that Xmas adverts impose and further entrench upon families nationwide. But, I then further consider the way in which fellow human creatures have become the puppets of consumer brands and fat cats across the country, nay across the world!

Let me just say it outright, Xmas is a time for parents to purchase temporary love from their children or peers. Ooh, controversial. But, think about it - that’s actually not that outrageous. People just don’t know they do it.

Everything we do is a byproduct of just that, products.

We have commodified everything around us - from music, friendships and, yes, even relationships. Everything needs a brand, an identity. We even need to develop ‘identity capital’ or a representation of ourselves in three/five words just to get hired. It doesn’t matter at all if I’m good at what I do.

Friends, whilst extraordinarily tiring, there is a fearsome message in which I tentatively allude to here - there is no relenting of the people who aim to force us down in society. The ‘political elite’ is dead. This is the age of the ‘economical elite’.

Marx would be chuffed.

From lucrative PR/marketing firms, to the Cabinet Office’s ‘nudge unit’ - we are surrounded by those attempting to alter our behaviour and to extract a profit. Frankly, we’re just running along helplessly into the void.

Folks, don’t fall for the John Lewis adverts - that’s just a way to big up some transient new single or ‘artist’. Don’t find yourself running to get a free can of coke - what do you really get out of it? Empty calories. The fat cats? Well, they got your money.

And your dignity.

JO BARROW

NO

@JoBarrow

O

h, we hear the same repetitive strains of wellmeaning people around the world every single year: ‘Christmas is too commercial’ ‘Don’t forget the true message of Christmas’ or other boringly noble sentiments about escaping the hideous insidious creeping fact of (whisper it now) capitalism.

One manifestation of this is in the influx of adverts that purport to sell us a glorious ideal of Christmas (and probably some tasteful bedding at the same time.) Is this a hideous appropriation of a holiday that’s held close to our hearts? Probably. Should we care about it?

Definitely not.

As far as I’m concerned, Christmas as we understand it is almost entirely manufactured by corporations and companies around the world - unless you’re a christian, that is. But then, so few of the people I hear complaining about this sin of commercialisation are doing it on religious grounds. Their only concern is that we’re being manipulated to (oh no!) feel things or (heaven forbid!) purchase a gift for our loved ones.

I have absolutely no objection to this entirely commercial view of Christmas. Take a moment to think, what are the signifiers of the festive season are: the Coca Cola advert, christmas songs on the radio - the M&S Christmas sandwich selection, even?! They might be unique (and embarrassingly revelatory) impressions, but without them, what do we have left to brighten the grimmest, darkest months of the year?

People talk about ‘that Christmas feeling’ but without companies throwing multimillion budgets around, where is it going to come from? How will we even know what Christmas is supposed to feel like without John Lewis presenting it to us in stunning microcosm?

I just don’t know what the perennial christmas grinch recommends we do instead. You can obstinantly refuse to partake in all of the wonderful shortlived joy of Christmas, but ultimately, it’ll just be you, sitting alone, with the TV off, in a sparse and cold room, reading marxist philosophy, comforted by your own austere virtue. Viva la revolucion, you boring git.

THOMAS OF SUBURBIA

TOM DAVIES

THE UPS AND DOWNS OF BEING A CHILD OF THE SUBURBS

@ tomdavies111

M

y name is Tom Davies and I’m from the suburbs. Wow. That feels good to get off my chest.

It’s strange in a way, how rarely you actually hear that. Suburbia is not like other cultural or class identities in the sense that there is a cohesive idea of what it is to be suburban - at least not one which elicits a particular sense of pride or unity. Maybe there just isn’t really all that much to be proud of, but there’s got to be some sense of belonging to be had from it, surely?

Ultimately, most people like to think of themselves as being the norm, Joe average, the archetypal man in the street. This has become the only thing that identifies the British Suburban Middle Class, now such a large and diverse group, a vague understanding of being situated somewhere between “The Rich” in their country estates and “Chavs” below, stabbing at their ankles with a flick knife.

I suppose if you were going to grab an element which could define the British suburbs you would look to something like The Daily Mail. But this only further complicates the picture. The Mail as a publication perhaps does put a mirror up to the denizens of suburban middle England and show them

their true face, but in real terms, it serves as an example of the kind of polarizing resentment which permeates the suburbs. With a good measure of our number, particularly the young and educated, nursing a kind of shame about what they know their home neighborhoods to be. A peculiar, hypocritical paradox of Old Right, Social Conservative values, low culture trash and celebrity gossip around the breakfast table, with The X Factor on the television of a Saturday Night.

So we came to university, bought a tweed jacket and pretended we were never there, that it didn’t shape who we are as people.

Suburbia is not like other cultural or class identities Free to redefine ourselves, our narrative, our story, we became the New Liberal Intellectual Elite of Great Britain, here to change the world, dictate the zeitgeist of a bold new generation and tell tales of how Granddad worked down the Steel Mill and used to drink with Keir Hardie.

It’s not being completely honest though is it, well it might be, my Granddad printed Weetabix Boxes and anyway Keir Hardie died in 1915. But even if your Granddad was about as salt of the earth as they come, you

forget the part of the story where your Dad passed his eleven plus and became an accountant in Guildford, so here we are, the second generation of the Post-War Suburban Middle Class. We rode to University on a river of the blood, sweat and tears of our forebears, and whilst the Suburbs might well be a gauche, ghastly place filled with curtain twitchers, closet racists, garden ornament arms races and cutthroat social climbers with delusions of grandeur (I really can go on all day with these), we, or at least I, certainly owe it one, at least in a roundabouts sort of way. Trite I know, but true nonetheless.

Maybe the Suburban Middle is now so big that it can’t physically fashion a homogenous identity, and we probably don’t need one, we no longer need the sort of divisive myths that stem from class identity. But we should at least have some pride in how we became who we are, and in that regard, I’ll stand up and say that I am, without a doubt a product of the white collar suburban parvenus of Great Britain. My father spends half his wages at B&Q, my Grandfather has what I suspect is a life subscription to the Daily Mail, and when I was briefly sub contracted to deliver electoral registration forms for the Cheltenham Borough Council I met at least three people who said the phrase “Enoch Powell was right” on the doorstep. But you know what? I’m proud to say that this is ultimately the sort of world which I came from because without it, I probably wouldn’t even be here to write this.

13

GROUPTHINK WILL McCURDY @ YorkVision

T

he 1994 Group, the somewhat overshadowed little brother of the Russell Group, has recently disbanded after a 19 year long run. The group’s dissolution is unfortunate but to be expected after dwindling membership in recent years.

After York, Durham, Exeter and Queen Mary recently departed to join the Russell Group in 2012 and then another four universities took their leave soon after – the membership went from 19 to 11 in around a year. Many may argue that the group’s long term existence has always been in question as it has been in the shadow of the prestigious Russell Group, the ‘Ivy League’ of British higher education institutions.

Its dissolution in many ways is regrettable, smaller universities need a means by which they can represent their interests. Presenting a united front gives them power, particular in an era of huge fees, massive changes and spending cuts. However, I have my doubts as to whether the idea of university groups is the best way to go about this.

The 160 universities currently existing in the UK need to stay together to present a united front against a government that does not seem to see the value in spending on higher education. In Europe they see greater value in higher education compared to the UK, and choose to spend much larger percentages of their budgets upon it.

The division of universities into ‘elite’ groups is in many ways detrimental to the system overall, as they cannot comprehensively lobby for change to improve the whole system The entire concept of a group of “elite universities” is outdated; they should be viewed as unique entities with their own strengths and weaknesses, all catering to different audiences and abilities.

The UK has moved on immensely from the time when the concepts behind the Russell Group evolved. It was a time where only half of today’s institutions and academic disciplines existed, only a small and usually very privileged percentage of the population went to university and vocational study in a university setting did not really exist as a concept. The plurality of institutions should be embraced and, in my opinion, a high profile group of ‘elite universities’ is demeaning to all involved.

Though I do think that representation in the form of groups has the potential to be extremely beneficial, institutions like the 1994 Group are not the best way to go about it. Subdividing universities into smaller groups is not good in the long term and merely fosters unnecessary rivalry where there should be friendship and collaboration. The Russell Group may function as a badge of quality for the institutions which it represents, and it may help them attract and reassure top students, but on the whole universities need to progress into the modern age and work as a combined whole for the good of everyone involved and trying to separate them into formal tiers and ‘elite groups’ helps none of us.

14 COMMENT

BALL ACHE

YORK VISION

REMEMBER?

THE CULTURE OF VENERATION SURROUNDING OUR ARMED FORCES NEEDS TO CHANGE

LIZZY ROBERTS

JAMES SCOTT

I

A

@LizzyRoberts93

don’t have testicles but when I saw a (scarringly graphic) video clip of Pyotr Pavlensky nailing his genitalia to Red Square, even I gave an involuntary shudder and had to made myself a consoling cup of tea.

Pavlensky’s thinking behind such an action, he says, was a statement of ‘art’. I put art in inverted commas because frankly I think it needs saying that this sort of ‘art’ is utter bollocks (sorry Pyotr).

I reckon I can accurately summarise the reactions of millions of people tuning into their TV’s as they tuck into an early morning sausage sandwich (again...sorry Pyotr) in one sentence: “Jeez! What a nutter!”

I know what you’re thinking – the point was to create publicity, highlight an issue, launch a hard-core S&M porn career etc. etc. But to be honest I think all these extreme body artists are dicks (I just can’t help it Pyotr).

Maybe I don’t ‘get it’. Maybe I’m not suave enough to understand the deeper artistic message behind publically confirming you’re never going to be good in bed again. Perhaps all of us who thought it was just pretty horrific are artistically illiterate, not with it, not hip enough.

I don’t like to think that’s the case, though. Don’t get me wrong, I love modern artistic styles and even have had a crack at it myself.

Many a school trip to the Tate Modern taught me that movements like Fauvism and Pop Art can create vibrant and interesting paintings as well as sculptures. In fact, I don’t even think it’s weird to use your own body in the form of art - dancing showcases this wonderfully.

To me, though, and I think a lot of other reasonably normal people, art is an appreciation of a subject - and Pyotr certainly didn’t seem to appreciate his!

I don’t think you have to be some sort of Renoir admiring, English Tweed wearing, pipe smoking...basically you don’t have to be posh to look down on this sort of art and call it stupid. It is stupid to knowingly and deliberately put your body through immense physical torture.

Perhaps I’m just being British about the whole thing. The Americans love David Blaine and his stunts - which some people interpret as art.

I remember hearing a story of a group of regular Americans coming to sit round Blaine in his box as he starved himself for goodness knows how long, holding hands and not eating in solidarity.

What did we Brits make of it? Well we stood outside the glass box theatrically eating picnics and mouthing the words “Ooh what a moist spounge...fancy a bite, David?” Hilarious and you know it.

Of course, Pyotr did receive a huge amount of media coverage because of his latest work of art - just as he did when he sewed his mouth up and when he wrapped his naked body in barbed wire. What I’ve noticed the most about this story, though, is the reaction I’ve heard from everyone who saw the pictures, watched the video, read the story: “What an idiot.”

My review of Pyotr’s artistic stunt? A load of balls.

Tuesday November 19, 2013

@YorkVision

nother remembrance day has passed by. In the past, such events would generally be understated and dignified, with a ceremony at the cenotaph and a minutes silence observed, with poppies tastefully worn in the few days prior to the event. However, in recent years, it cannot have escaped your attention that there has been a veritable explosion in the hype and attention given to such events.

With ‘Help for Heroes’ becoming a national institution, monstrously large poppies adorning the chests of B-List celebrities attempting to make some sort of fashion statement, the abuse suffered by those who choose not to wear poppies (oh the irony), and the increasingly prominent role of servicemen in public life, the national discourse and psyche.

For the record, I have no problem with our soldiers getting greater credit and attention. I have nothing but respect for our servicemen and women and the sacrifices they have made over the centuries to keep this country safe, and in some cases in upholding freedom itself. Yet I have to admit, in the last couple of years, I have found the constant veneration of our armed forced a little unsettling.

What really riles me is that the increased veneration plays right into the hands of unscrupulous politicians, who

are not friends of the armed forces at all.

In recent years, politicians have become far more prominent when it comes to the armed forces and remembrance events, unfortunately politicising them to a degree not seem before. Whenever there is some perceived slight at the armed forces, whether that is an unpatriotic news presenter or Google not putting a “spectacular” enough poppy on their front page, you can bet that a third rate politician will be chief rabble rouser of the backlash at the supposed lack of respect shown.

I have to admit, in the last couple of years I have found the constant veneration of our armed forced a little unsettling The inescapable fact is that the armed forces are a political entity. As much as we want to, we cannot decouple our respect for the services and the government policy they obey. Unfortunately, there is little doubt that the increase in veneration shown for the armed forces has a political purpose. It distracts from the fact that these same people who are leading the patriotic charge are at the same time cutting the army’s budget, laying off soldiers, failing to deal with the deficiencies in equipment that have plagued the armed forces for years, and failing to provide decent accommodation for their families. Moreover,

it also provides a useful avenue to head off criticism of the UK government’s foreign and military policy. Despite the fact most do not trust politicians, it is very difficult to criticise the highly popular armed force.

Such a disjuncture is an extremely useful tool of preventing greater questions to be asked about their policies as no-one wants to be down on “our boys” once they are in action. Yet the problem is that this is quickly being extended to all times, and the opportunities for an even-handed and nonemotional debate about our foreign policy is quickly receding in the sea of saccharine sentimentality.

Whilst I have no objection to our soldiers receiving praise and attention, it seems that we are increasingly going down the American road where the armed forced are irrationally eulogised to an unhealthy degree. Such veneration is never healthy and will lead to a increasingly militaristic society.

Instead of the increasingly gaudy and nationalistic celebrations of recent years, we should return to the more simple and reflective celebrations, free of politicians and more in keeping with the aim of remembrance. Moreover, on the other 364 days of the year instead of making ourselves feel better with praise that essentially does nothing, we need to try and achieve something substantive by holding their bosses to account to make sure they get the equipment and treatment they deserve. Surely most servicemen would prefer decent equipment, accommodation job security over vacuous, fawning praise and free tickets to an England game?

GRIN AND BEER IT

THE TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS OF STAYING FIT AT UNI

BOBBY JO DEARNLEY

@BobbyJoDearnley

Y

ou will gain the Fresher’s 15,” I promise was one of the more reassuring things one of my housemates said to me during my very first day at York. More than half a term down, converted gym bunny and keen consumer of all things vegetable, I am proving him wrong. But the road to Freshers health isn’t always easy.

University is a bizarre bubble - inside you will observe a walking encyclopaedia of every drunken triumph and disaster known to man and money-strapped friends will frequently beg you to split the cash for a midnight Dominoes. Outside of it is a whole different story. With body image media bombardment promoting increasingly slim and muscular ideas for females and males respectively, more of us than ever are in pursuit of health, fitness, and let’s face it, hotness.

There couldn’t be more of a clash between the stereotypical university-culture diet and wider-world expectations others are putting upon us with regards to what we should and shouldn’t be doing with our bodies. For most of us, having that ‘perfect’ physique whilst frequently feasting on takeaways and tequila is about as likely as Miley Cyrus receiving an invitation to

the Queen’s next tea party. The aforementioned diet and being fit and healthy aren’t the best of friends either. Realistically most of us will have to pick a side of the coin.

(Sore) heads or tails. The booze or the body.

Thus we can enter into a constant tugof-war cycle, during the day running ourselves senseless on the treadmill to reach idealistic standards, whilst at night the “university lifestyle” pressure is immense - according to some, all events should be chased down with a river of liquor. Fatty foods are cheap (and tasty, I admit) so it’s understandable that the poor student would fall prey to their appeal.

Why should we ever have to choose between social acceptance and a healthy body anyway?

What is less understandable is expecting others to follow your choice. I am well acquainted with looks ranging from mild confusion to full-scale horror when I announce the dreaded words “I’m not drinking tonight”, which I have excused on the grounds of medical issues, nearing assignments and lack of money before deciding to simply be honest: alcohol is my frenemy

and she’s toxic so I’m limiting the time we spend together. She doesn’t make me happy, but a strong, fit body - that does, and at the risk of sounding corny you have to do what makes you happy. Attempting to force Jäger down my neck so you can see what drunken Bobby-Jo is like: not cool. (Wait for her to appear by herself, like a surprise gift!)

Why should we ever have to choose between social acceptance and a healthy body anyway? If you were to touch me without consent that’s assault, so (providing I don’t have a legitimate eating disorder) why do you have any right to dictate my diet? Students may have a whole host of reasons not to partake in this aspect of university lifestyle: religious, medical, moral, health, cultural or otherwise, and as a diverse community we should embrace those with different lifestyles to our own.

Equally, I’m not here to stand and tell you to become that crazy housemate munching your way through bags of lettuce at four in the morning (not me, ahem…) whilst everyone else continues to work their way through the umpteenth bottle of the night. Feel free to down as many shots and devour as many Efes deliveries as your heart desires - your body, your choice!

I promise I won’t judge (even if those shots were purchased from Willow).

And for those of you who are fortunate enough to have the metabolism of Usain Bolt combined with a stomach of steel, I applaud you. For the sake of the rest of us mere mortals though, give us a break.

15

FEATURES

YORK VISION Tuesday November 19, 2013

FEATURES

www.yorkvision.co.uk/features features@yorkvision.co.uk

HOW BAD IS YOUR LECTURE?

CALLUM SHANNON attends lectures for five different subjects in one week, for your reading pleasure. Here’s how he got on.

Day 1: Physics Having not done Physics since GCSE, where the questions resembled: “Does it take more force to push an object up a slope or along flat ground?”, I had no idea what to expect.

Sat on my own at the back of a packed lecture theatre, I found Physics students are an enthusiastic lot . Despite not being too keen to talk to me, they chatted away to each other about the subject enthusiastically. All I heard was Higgs-Boson this, Large Hadron Collider that. A Physics Soc rep turned up and gave them a pep talk, assuring students that whatever the Biochemistry department said, Physics was the superior science! With departmental morale high, the lecture started and I found myself not understanding a single word being said. I quickly came to the conclusion that I was the stupidest person in the room and that I should return to the outcast colony of Social Sciences where I belong. Still unsure about what the lecture was actually about, I began to feel more at home as it began to look somewhat similar to a Philosophy lecture, though not a truth table in sight. According to the lecturer, time can be different for two people but still correct for both; I have to admit I was somewhat unconvinced. Might have to ask Barry Lee about that one. Also like Philosophy, I learned that different physicists can’t seem to agree on seemingly simple issues, such as how long something is. At one point three rival formulae were written on the board.

All of them turned out to be wrong. With the lecture quickly becoming more Physicslike again and the blackboards filling up with complicated mechanical equations, I gracefully left the lecture hall as inconspicuously as I possibly could, but still managed to slam the door behind me on the way out.

Damn you sound waves!

Day 2: Chemistry This one came about sort of by accident. I’d first planned to go to an Archaeology lecture, but decided not to bother on discovering that it was at King’s Manor in York City centre, that my lecturer was not Dr. Indiana Jones, and I wouldn’t even get to do any digging. I guess I should have gone to a practical....One lecture short, I decided to hang around outside a random lecture theatre and wait to see what was going on. Following a crowd of students into my mystery lecture, I deduced it was Chemistry from a hand-out I was given. Luckily, this wasn’t the first time in my life I’d done Chemistry.

In fact, it wasn’t the first time in my life I’d done Chemistry in this room. I’d previously attended a science department open day at York when I was 13, and it was in this very room that Brainiac’s Dr. Bunhead had set off various chemical reactions and inadvertently set his bald head on fire in the process. Good times! But back to here and now, hoping my AS Chemistry knowledge would see me through. As it turned out, this one went rather well. I even correctly managed to answer a question about ketones, which made me feel like a genius. The lecturer was fantastic and it turns out he has his own YouTube channel which I’d recommend you check out, there’s even a video about the chemistry of Breaking Bad on there! If you’re wondering why this paragraph contained no chemistry jokes, it’s because they’re all boron.

Day 3: Social Work Messed this one up a bit. Not knowing

Photo credit: Oona Venermo

Photo credit: Oona Venermo

anybody who did the course, I decided to find a lecture to attend myself on eVision.

What could possibly go wrong? Well, quite a lot. Firstly: I was stupid enough to select a lecture in Alcuin and was lost in the labyrinth that is the Seebohm Rowntree building for ages. Half expecting to bump into a Minotaur at any moment, I finally found my lecture theatre and the real problems began. Turned out I hadn’t read the lecture description too carefully, as I found myself in a postgraduate Management lecture with about only eight other people in it. Oops!

Unsurprisingly, the lecturer quickly noticed the lone fresher sitting at the back of the room. After asking me whether I was there to audit the lecture (which in retrospect I suppose I sort of was) he pointed out that I probably shouldn’t be there. Embarrassed and unable to think of a plausible alibi, I decided it was probably best to leave. Probably my most embarrassing moment in my whole time here (so far), I went to Costa and bought myself a mocha to cheer myself up, which I promptly spilt over my notes from the morning’s lectures. All in all, not a great day.

Day 4: Maths

For some reason, time seemed to go slower for Callum than for real Physics students

As an Economics student studying a few Maths modules, I felt a bit a bit cocky about this and before walking in, made the mistake of saying “how hard can it be?” Well as it turns out, very. Turns out pure Maths modules are a LOT harder than anything we do using Maths in Economics. The lecture, however, was fairly enjoyable. The lecturer was very witty and despite the fact that advanced algebra was far beyond my level of understanding, I wasn’t bored in the slightest. There were maths jokes a plenty, including the lecturer’s equivalent of the Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman joke - the

Mathematician, Physicist, Engineer joke!

Turns out the Maths department has a good laugh at us Economists too (though who can blame them, we can’t even plot a graph properly!) His jokes aren’t a patch on my Maths pickup lines though: “I wish I was Sin^2x and you were Cos^2x, so together we could be one.” And I wonder why I’m single. I felt very nostalgic during the lectures, as almost everything is delivered on OHP projectors or blackboards. Finally, a big thank you to the Mathematics department for holding the lecture in the same room as my International Politics lecture immediately after. It made my afternoon much easier.

Day 5: History of Art I’m not going to lie. I am to Art what Paris Hilton is to Quantum Mechanics, and I was really dreading this. I went along with our very own deputy comment editor, the selfproclaimed “art connoisseur” Joonsoo Yi. Safe to say he enjoyed it much more than me. The lecture was about engraving and most of it was prep for a workshop which I knew I wasn’t going to, which is a shame as I’d have loved to have made an engraving to illustrate just how exhausted I was after attending eight subjects’ worth of lectures in a week. A Nuremburg artist called Dürer was the main focus. Poor guy had a rather hard time of it. He made a lot of mistakes in his art, like printing no. 9 backwards. He also got plagiarised a lot by Italian artists like Raimondi and Wierix, both of whom got away with it. Absoloutely scandalous!

Despite my companion absoloutely loving it, my disinclination for art meant that for me it was just about as interesting as watching paint dry. (No pun intended, seriously, I promise).

16 FEATURES

YORK VISION Tuesday November 19th, 2013

what a pranker!

In the wake of the news that four Durham University students had to be rescued from the roof of the cities Cathedral after a prank gone wrong, TOM DAVIES looks at some of the greatest ever pieces of student mischief...

Student pranks are an integral part of our undergraduate mythology, the stuff of cartoonish legend, oft parodied on our TV screens with horses in the dean’s office, late night drunken defacements of important University monuments and the like. But, as Mark Twain once so wisely opined: truth is often stranger than fiction. So in that regard, let’s take a trip through history and attempt dig up some real life student legends: brave heroes who went above and beyond the prankster call of duty, individuals who shook off the surly bonds of mischief normality and custard pied the face of God. The architects and ringleaders behind the greatest ever student ranks.

The Sacred Cod Heist When: 1933 Where: Harvard University The theft of bizarre and often pointless items by university students is more or less par for the course as student pranks go. In fact, some would argue that you haven’t truly attended university unless you’ve stolen a traffic cone at least twice. However, the 1933 “cod-napping” as it’s now universally known, was by far the most audacious.

The Sacred Cod is a four foot, eleven inch wooden replica of an Atlantic Codfish which hangs from the ceiling of the House of Representatives chamber of the Massachusetts State House. In 1933, members of the Harvard Lampoon, Harvard University’s humour magazine, cut the Cod down from the ceiling and escaped with it in an unusually large florist’s box equipped with protruding decoy lilies.

In what is perhaps one of the most bizarre overreactions in history, Massachusetts officials were reported to be “shocked into a condition bordering on speechlessness” by the theft, “some legislators holding that it would be sacrilege to transact business without the emblem of the Commonwealth looking down on them”.

Police went so far as to comb through the Charles River, and upon discovering that a Lampoon editor was flying to New Jersey, had the plane searched upon landing.

Eventually the codnappers gave into their conscience and buckled. Following a mysterious call received by Harvard official Charles R. Apted, a meeting was arranged in West Roxbury. The cod was handed over by two men with collars up and hats pulled down, who then sped away. After repairing a few broken fins, the Cod was eventually re-hung in the house chamber, six inches higher. The state officials theorized that nobody would now be able to steal the Cod without the aid of the step ladder.

Unfortunately, in 1968 the Cod was stolen again. Using a step ladder..

The Great Austin Seven Prank When: 1958 Where: University of Cambridge One sleepy summer day in 1958, 12 Engineering students at the University of Cambridge pulled off what is generallyconsidered to be the greatest student prank of all time.

The band of twelve, led by their ringleader Peter Davey towed a clapped out Austin Seven through Cambridge and managed, through the use of an A-shaped crane, to hoist the vehicle onto the roof of the 70ft high Senate House.

The group used the May Bumps weekend as a cover, theorizing that most passersby werelikely to be drunken rowers.

Divided into three precise teams, the plan was nearly foiled when a collection of observant rowers noticed the car hovering 40ft in the air. They were able to resist the charms of the women in the ground team, who attempted to distract them by hitching up their skirts a couple of inches, and had to be fobbed off with the excuse that the Austin was a tethered balloon.

In the aftermath of the prank, Gonville and Caius College dean, Rev. Hugh Montefiore, publically denied he had any idea as to who the culprits were, but secretly sent a congratulatory case of champagne to the staircase of Davey and co.

Police, fire services and civil defense units battled to remove the Austin Seven for an entire week before taking it apart with blow torches. The prank continued to baffle authorities until 2008 when an Oxford reunion dinner of the conspirators was held and the full plot revealed, securing Davey and his gang’s proud place in Student Prank History.

The Flash Mob Job When: 2011 Where: University of Toronto When a collection of Toronto Engineering students (I know, they don’t half seem to be a pesky bunch) sat down for their finals two years ago, none of them had any inkling that they were about to star in a YouTube sensation. Well, all except for the number of them dotted around the room who were preparing to pull off a meticulously planned and extremely brave flash mob style prank.

Shortly before the test was due to begin; music began to fill the hall. As the examiner looked arund in confusion one student stood up on his seat and launched into the opening verse of ‘One Day More’ from the musical Les Miserables.

Shortly afterwards, other students positioned at strategic locations joined into what swiftly became a well-choreographed performance of the song in front of a stunned exam hall.

The examiner, initially irritated by this unexpected development soon lost control of the situation and eventually joined in, giving his own rousing rendition of the chorus.

Something tells me that under other circumstances this could have gone much, much worse for the perpetrators.

The Lake Liberty Project When: 1979 Where: University of Wisconsin 1979 was a year of radical political change. In Britain, Margaret Thatcher’s reformist Conservative government was elected to lead Britain, for better or worse, into a new era.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the pond, the University of Wisconsin was experiencing its own kind of political revolution, with the student government being taken over by the now infamous Pail & Shovel Party, whose radical platform consisted mostly of using the student government’s budget on outlandish pranks.

The magnum opus of these madcap, political radicals was the installation the head and right armof a fake Statue of Liberty on frozen Lake Mendota during the extreme weather conditions of that year. The off the wall nature of the idea and the sheer level of determination that went into it, not to mention the fact they seemed to have eerily foreshadowed the plot of The Day After Tomorrow twenty years early means it earns a rightful place on our list.

The Boulder-dash When: 1960s (at some point) Where: University of Leicester This prank, which occurred sometime during the 60s at College Hall, University of Leicester, proved so infamous (or difficult to remove) that it’s been commemorated with its own memorial plaque.

During renovations to College Hall the University rediscovered the large boulder which had at some point been rolled into the courtyard by a number of male students and thrown into a pond.

The boulder has remained in place ever since, even when the pond was in-filled and planted during the 90s.

To commemorate the prank, the redevelopment will not result in any movement of the boulder, and a plaque will be installed celebrating the boulder’s history.

Reasons for the prank remain sketchy, but it’s suspected as College Hall was all-male at the time it may have been a result of a particularly escalated show of machismo.

Spotlight- Chase and Status Music- Nostalgia or No-stalgia?

Tech- The Decline of Handheld Gaming

The Nostalgia Edition

scene

2

Scene

A NOTE FROM THE EDITORS

THIS_ISSUE

We have over a month left in 2013, but this is the last time you get to read our wonderfully affectionate note from the editors until 2014. We at Scene hope you’ve had a great year, whether you’ve just come to university or you’re just a little too close to graduating.

As it’s the end of the first year since what was a disappointing and thoroughly underwhelming apocalypse, we’re looking back on 12 months of arts and culture. Inside, you’ll find both the best and the worst of 2013: the moments that we loved and will cherish forever (or until Kanye distracts us with another scandal) and the moments that make us wish people would stop trying to express their emotional trauma through art.

MUSIC

The Mercury Prize: Why Did James Blake Win?(p3) INTERVIEW: Lemon Jelly (p5)

FILM

Aesthetica Film Festival Review (p6) REVIEWS: Gravity, Captain Phillips, Thor: The Dark World, Philomena (p7)

FEATURE

Scene Cryptic Crossword

2013: Retrospect (pp8-9)

TV

The Return of Fresh Meat (p10) Love / Hate: Come Dine With Me (p11)

BOOKS

Literary Leftovers: What You Missed in 2013 (p12) D-Reading It: Guilty Pleasures (p13)

TECH

REVIEW: Assassin’s Creed IV (p14) Apple Mavericks: No such thing as a free OS? (p14)

STAGE

York Uni on Stage: 2013 (p15) PREVIEW: Theatre Yule Love! (p15)

SPOTLIGHT INTERVIEW: Lissie (p 16)

Across 2.

Apple goes rogue with new operating system (9) 4.

Danish singer lost at sea spots harbour (2,4) 7.

Alan Partridge and M on a mad one (9) 9.

The less well known father of actor Colin Hanks (3,4) 10.

Actor approaches roles with great Gravity (6,7) 11.

Singer by day, tiger catcher by night (6)

Down 1.

3.

5.

6.

8.

9.

Murderers have a belief system in new video game (9,5) Why did we have to make this clue so complicated? (5,7) It’s getting hot in here, so take off all your clothes (in Westeros) (8) Hi-diddly-ho, crossword-inos! (8) Underwear starting to enjoy theatre (9) Superhero film best seen while hammered (4)

SCENE TEAM Scene Editors Karl Tomusk Angus Quinn

Music Editors

Film Editors

TV Editors

Books Editors

Tech Editor

Stage Editors

Milo Boyd Meri Aho

Alex Radford Tim Douglas

Rachel Seymour Katie Thomas

Rebekah Boyle Samuel Bowell

Barto Joly de Lotbiniere

Isla Van Tricht Nadine Garbett

Deputy TV

Deputy Books

Deputy Tech

Deputy Stage

Deputy Music Maddy Crammond Antonio Pinheiro

Deputy Film

Hannah Chambre Fred Asquith

Helena Horton Aggie Chambre

George Norman Bethan Forrest

Martin Waugh Phillip Watson

Charlie Benson Yuxing Xu

3

Scene

MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

Music B-TOWN

BY TOM CLABON Whenever I tell people I’m from Birmingham, I feel the need to apologise. For one reason or another, it’s not the sort of thing you really want to brag about. In the music scheme of things, we’ve never had much to offer. Apparently we invented Heavy Metal, but to be honest I’m not sure whether or not to feel guilty about that.

If you listen to the Birmingham Music Press you will learn that our long regional radio silence is to be broken by a new scene, artfully dubbed B-Town. On hearing the term ‘B-Town’ for the first time, I had the impulse to be violently sick, but after find-

The Mercury Prize: Why did James Blake win?

BY ANTONIO PINHEIRO James Blake’s 25/1 Mercury Prize win for the stunningly enigmatic Overgrown was, if nothing else, a surprise considering the competition. Arctic Monkeys’ fast selling return to glory AM, Disclosure’s greatest hits-like Settle and bookies’ favourite Laura Mvula’s Sing to the Moon were all more likely candidates, fitting the Mercury Prize’s more recent criteria of choosing an album with both commercial success and hipster credibility. Not that James Blake’s album was a commercial flop, debuting at #8 in the album charts; one place higher than Laura Mvula. The most obvious differences between the two records is Overgrown’s lack of buzz-worthy single and chart sustainability and Mvula’s ‘Green Garden’ and commerical longevity. James Blake is the definition of an artist a lot of people may have

ing out that the alternative was “West Madlands”, I decided it was the lesser of two tacky evils. On the face of it, this poorlytitled scene is really just another branch of indie, played by people with a fascination for 90s guitar music. At its best, it’s noisy guitars and tight tunes. At its worst, it’s hipster kids in bad clothes playing overly-echoey Joy Division rip-offs. Currently it tiptoes halfway between these two extremes, and it remains to be seen which way it will go.

In its present embryonic form, the BTown scene is basically Peace and some other Peace-like bands. For those of you who haven’t heard of them, Peace are four oddly dressed non-Brummies whose debut album In Love is hit and miss. Armed with whooshy guitar pedals and their abstract, occasionally nonsensical lyrics, this summer they made it to the cover of NME, and this was arguably where B-Town truly found its feet. Notwithstanding much of the dross on the album, Peace have begun to develop a loyal following on the strength

of singles ‘Lovesick’, ‘Follow Baby’ and ‘Wraith’. These almost-hits are well worth seeking out, but only time will tell whether Peace can truly live up to the hype.

Unfortunately, a lot of Peace’s mates on the B-Town circuit are slightly more pretentious rip-offs of 80s/90s indie rock; all competing to wear the baggiest clothes and look the moodiest in photos. These bands have found more popularity than some of the less abstract stuff happening in the Birmingham music scene, mostly because they’re all going to each other’s gigs and drinking together in the same pubs. But if that isn’t a scene, then what is? And in amongst the double-denim and the curtains, there are some true gems being uncovered.

Superfood, for instance, are head and shoulders above their competitors with their self-titled debut single. Groovy, rocking, and just generally, er, good, it will very quickly become your newest earworm with its chorus of “You’re always hungry”, what ever that means. Also, former second-rate

indie twiddlers Dumb have released a single called ‘Retina’; a song which has nothing to do with eyeballs and everything to do with a good ol’ rock song.

So, despite some sub-par songs and questionable fashion choices, there is definitely something that works here. Who knows? One day I may not have to apologise for Birmingham any more.

heard of, but have never actually heard.

How then did James Blake win the Mercury Prize and, perhaps more importantly, why? Speech Debelle not withstanding, the Mercury Prize has been safely awarded in recent years, with winners such as PJ Harvey, The xx and Alt-J not raising an eyebrow. James Blake’s brand of subdued blue-eyed soul fused with touches of future garage production may not be too far removed from The xx when viewed from the surface. However, the Wandworth trio have mastered the science of iconography whilst offering more conventional song structures to form a delicious recipe for popularity that Blake has not yet mastered.

Even Speech Debelle, despite not being lifted to the expected heights of the post-award

honeymoon, hardly make unconventional music. The answer possibly lies in the Mercury Prize panel’s attempt to once again appear relevant in lieu of the online rise of less mainstream publications; to illustrate a strong understanding of the current musical tide. There’s a similarity in Roni Size’s triumph over Radiohead in 1997. In hindsight though, while drum and bass continues to flourish, Roni Size’s atmospheric and complex take on the genre hasn’t been a music fixture in a long time. OK Computer on the other hand continues to influence a large chunk of the guitar driven music released in more recent years. It seems that the awards following 1997’s left-field peak have been purposefully played safe, perhaps illustrating the committee’s reticence to make sweeping statements considered miscalculations. Whether time has healed all or cultural capital has emerged as an overriding, motivating factor, Overgrown’s win signals a move back towards less safe territory.

Overgrown’s win also represents a significant step forward for future garage and dubstep (or post-dubstep) in that these genres finally have had a slice of long overdue recognition. Although the award won’t offer any clarity or finality regarding the overlapping nature of the genres, this kind of music will be exposed to more casual music fans whose attention may

not otherwise have been grabbed. Overgrown’s 2500% sales increase is a strong reflection of this, and possibly may introduce new fans to James Blake’s more experimental debut album and his more

Superfood

traditionally future garage early EPs. Elements of the sound itself has been heard in Drake’s recent hit ‘Hold On, We’re Going Home’ and Usher’s ‘Climax’ from last year, so the genre already has forced at least a little mainstream impact; James Blake’s victory acting as the symbolic cherry of this admittedly limited success.

Whether the unexpected antics of the Mercury Prize panel is indicative of James Blake’s fate in pop music history or if he becomes just another increasingly distant memory like Roni Size however, remains to be seen.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

Reviews OH LAND

WISH BONE

BY MADDY CRAMMOND

D

anish artist Oh Land’s third album, Wish Bone, may come as something of a shock to her older fans. Compared to the earlier, punchy brilliance of ‘Son of a Gun’ and upbeat bounciness of ‘White Nights’ from her self-titled 2011 album Oh Land, this latest offering definitely shows the 28-year-old’s explorative side. Songs like ‘Love a Man Dead’, a blend of sparky electro-pop and loop-the-loops of her trademark airy vocals, hark back to her earlier sound. But with Wish Bone, Oh Land, born Nanna Oland Fabricius, is definitely venturing into new soundscapes through the medium of dance, R&B and hip-hop.

The LP’s lead single ‘Renaissance Girls’ is a balls-out feminist anthem with fast paced lyrics leading listeners through the history of women: “I can be your darling/Cooking you dinner and soothing your heartaches” topped off with Oh Land’s hypnotic proclamation “We can be your renaissance girls”.

‘Cherry on Top’ is another example of Oh Land’s characteristic distortion of the pop genre, with mournful verses juxtaposed by

Top Tracks of 2013

BY WILL MCCURDY ‘Song of Zula’ by Phosphorescent Occupying a well-worn niche of lonely heartbreak music in the company of The Smiths, The Cure and John Grant, this song manages to make a huge impression. With love being the overriding theme in popular music, hearing a declaration of love this powerful and unique was surprising in the best possible way. It’s huge, airy and epic with lush soaring violins loops, but beneath this grandiosity lies the melancholic voice of Matthew Houck singing lyrics of genuine meaning and quality that seem to convey real pain and heartbreak. His voice seems tiny and earthbound against the immensity of the music. It is almost allegorical in its nature, suggesting more than it is actually saying. For a song that sounds so

bubbly choruses and spiralling instrumentation. ‘Next Summer’ is also pop with a twist, emerging as a not-quite-conventional take on a break-up ballad. The dark lyrics “You’re losing your grip, I’m still lying in bed” give the song an edgily haunting quality whilst transporting the listener to a picturesque reverie. ‘My Boxer’ is a pleasant surprise coming midway through the album and introducing the listener and Oh Land herself to the world of rap. Lyrics like “Do you mind if we don’t hold hands?” and fierce electronic beats give the song ample attitude and a sound reminiscent of Azealia Banks and Angel Haze.

Although quite a contrast from the dreamy, trippy ballads and ephemeral vocals Oh Land is famous for, her new forays definitely work. What is particularly striking about Wish Bone is the range of emotion and imagery explored. Every song is like a window into a different world, from the intensely melancholic ‘Sleepy Town’ and ‘Green Card’ to the breathless energetic and upbeat, summery joyfulness of ‘Pyromaniac’. Part of Oh Land’s intrigue is the grey area she occupies on the fringes of the pop genre. Her music feels like it will be “safe” and relatively formulaic, yet at the same time produces odd twists that take the listener aback. While songs like ‘3 Chances’ hint at a generic “girl and acoustic guitar” setup, there is always an unusual, almost futuristic element at play that makes Oh Land curiously magnetic.

The rise and fall of intensity across the album takes the listener on a rollercoaster journey, from the serious beauty of ‘Love You Better’ to the boppy jazziness of ‘First To Say Goodnight’. The album has a jarring quality, but is also oddly mesmerising.

Whilst more traditional trip-hop ballads would have been appreciated, Oh Land’s reputation for compelling lyrics paired with strong beats and unconventional backdrops create a sound that moves pop in a very interesting direction.

sweet and yearning, the final lyrics “And I could kill you with my bare hands if I was free” are both shocking and beautiful.

‘Step’ by Vampire Weekend Yeah, it’s twee. But it’s very good twee.

You can lose yourself in a world of jangling harpsichord and whimsical visuals of champagne, New York and Communism readers. Though at first it seems timid, almost shy, it is in many ways a little epic, and it keeps on entrancing from the first few notes until the last rumblings of the chopped and screwed vocals of its final bars. The idiosyncratic lyrics function as an oddly potent tribute to youth and music fandom, while name dropping everything from Croesus to Angkor Wat. It is something contained in its own world apart from time or location - and it is all the better for it.

AVRIL LAVIGNE AVRIL LAVIGNE

BY TIMOTHY DOUGLAS After about 2 long years of peace and tranquility within the music industry (can’t really be proven), Avril Lavigne returns to our attention in the shape of a much-anticipated CD, entitled Avril Lavigne. At first sight, one may cringe at the thought of even attempting to listen to her music as it is, which is, with the greatest of respect, overplayed jargon hellbent on manipulating radios worldwide and drawing out the “that song is actually pretty catchy” line against everybody’s will everywhere. Though naturally, one must remain impartial when reviewing such an awaited LP, not just as a writer, but as an advocate for music as a medium.

More to the point, Avril Lavigne does create music. In fact, she always has done and has always found success. Her first album Let Go was credited as the biggest pop debut of 2002, followed by further achievements in the form of number 1 singles ‘Complicated’ and ‘Girlfriend’. What is yet to be seen is whether her most recent offering can emulate her former successes.

‘New Slaves’ by Kanye West Potentially deranged narcissists may be difficult to live with, but they sure are fun to listen to. This song is anything but radio friendly with its incredibly aggressive sonic background that owes more to industrial and noise music than conventional hip-hop, and with lyrics that verge wildly from designer clothes, racial power struggles to ejaculating on the wives of his enemies. It’s hard to believe that a few years ago Kanye was basically making music verging on mainstream R&B. His self-obsessed, selfcontradictory ranting may be jarring, but it’s undeniably compelling.

‘Retrograde’ by James Blake Magic is frequently made out of simple ingredients. Although the song has lyrics, Blake manages to say more without them. A simple bass and snare, an irresistible vocal refrain, and James Blake’s

Without fear of being overtly critical and blunt, the short answer is that it does not. Though there are promising moments to be found, they are not as defining as one would hope and few and far between.

Lavigne spurns the temptation of returning to her roots and ignores the simplicity of her initial album; the humble production behind ‘Complicated’, for example, far surpasses the technique and emotion found in any of her new tracks. An example of this can be found in new song ‘Hello Kitty’. The awfully titled pop snippet manifests itself as a confusing blend of playful rock vocals with inoperative - and maybe even unnecessary - dubstep sounds snuck into the chorus. One can’t help but wonder whether Lavigne has lost her wits as well as her reputation as a genuine rock star along the years.

Amongst all the bad however, is a little, dimmed ray of sunshine which attempts to expand throughout the cracks of the album fissured by ‘Hello Kitty’. What cannot be denied is the overruling light-heartedness of the majority of her songs. Clearly, this is an attempt to express Lavigne’s versatility as an artist and her ability to appear as a more-than-one-trick pony. Perhaps surprisingly for long term fans, Lavigne’s attempt to reincarnate the staple, acquainted sounds of her first album in songs like ‘Give You What You Like’ miss the mark.

Ultimately, Avril Lavigne offers a distinct lack of musical flair. It is an unmistakably overrated and exceedingly average album that fails to address expected issues of growing up and entering adulthood. Unfortunately slipping away from maturity, Lavinge retraces her younger years as a fruitful teenager, causing havoc and having fun in a manner that seems a little disingenuous from a 30 year old. Perhaps this album is an attempt to divide die-hard fans, or maybe it vainly hopes to unite them - either way, it isn’t going to guarantee a permanent place in the many iPods of the now teenage generation.

mellow crooning all come together to make one of the most irresistible songs of the year. It fuses and takes inspiration from numerous genres, from electronic to soul, yet manages a firm and distinct identity that is instantly recognisable. He deserves all the acclaim he’s getting at the moment; it’s music for the modern age.

‘Graceless’ by The National The National manage to make the epic out of small moments. Although it sometimes strays dangerously close to beer commercial territory, if your idealism can hold out long enough you will be richly rewarded. The excellent melody goes perfectly with the lyrical maturity found within.

It slowly layers and builds upon itself, and even though it’s fiercely emotional, it never descends in hysteria with emotion strongly burning under the surface. It is the sound of a band, who are undeniably, at the apex of their career.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

INTERVIEW

LEMON JELLY

BY MILO BOYD

L

emon Jelly are the band that have come the closest to breaking the seemingly impenetrable barrier that stands between left-field electronic music and mainstream success. Although ‘leftfield’ and ‘mainstream’ may seem like mutually exclusive terms, the London born duo almost caused a lexical fissure in 2003 and 2004 with Mercury and then Brit nominations for second album Lost Horizons. Despite output thinning and a slight decrease in national recognition, the band remain firmly imbedded in the hearts and iPods of a surprising number of discerning listeners.

Without meaning to sound wide-eyed and furiously over-enthusiastic, it is impossible to listen to Lemon Jelly without feeling joyous and unrestrained. Consisting of Nick Franglen and Fred Deakin, the band create enthralling soundscapes that conjure up images of hyper-real, technicolour worlds whilst simultaneously grounding the listener with pulsating beats and refrains. In the duration of roughly two average pop-songs, Lemon Jelly edge towards climax, piling layer upon layer from the ground up and spinning emotionally raw narratives from start to finish. It is under this firmament of coloured brilliance and adoration that I got the chance to talk to Nick about Lemon Jelly and his instillation work.

Broadly speaking, Lemon Jelly’s lyrical work seems to take one of two forms. The first is most prevalent on Lost Horizons and manifests itself as snippets of short-story oratory, songs such as ‘Space Walk’ guiding the listener through an ethereally struc-

tured journey. The second is a style more familiar to the genre and has instrumentation take up the majority of the work as catchy refrains lay dotted over the top. “Vocals and speech often start as samples we’ve uncovered some place - a record, an old TV programme, anywhere. Sometimes that’s the end of it and we’ll just use them in the track as they are, but other times we’ll use the sampled speech as a starting point for a bigger idea, that we’ll write and record it with someone perfect: it could be a voice artist, an actor, a friend or that guy we’ve just met. There’s no real formula to it, it just has to feel right.”

One such bigger idea is ‘Ramblin’ Man’, a seven-minute journey seen through the eyes of a fleet-footed, deep voiced adventurer, the song is a simplistic ode to travelling and the power of lists. On behalf of my friend Stevie, I ask whether the vocalist is

Geoffrey Rush. “Hi Stevie. No it’s not - and it’s an illustration of taking a sampled idea and expanding on it. Originally it was a bit of Errol Flynn talking we’d found, but he only mentioned four places he’d rambled to and that simply wouldn’t do. Oh nonono.

That’s not a ramble, that’s a stroll. So we got in touch with the magnificent Sir John Standing and gave him a list of over 200 places. That became the backbone of the track. John is a great man and certainly brought his life experience to the process.”

Whilst it is refreshing to speak to an artist unmoved by the tortures of the creative process, it is hard to believe song writing of this kind is unwaveringly positive.

200 places need to be adjusted for pitch and pace, fit smoothly within the rhythmical narrative and rest over an unconventional beat. If nothing else, this must take time.

“How long it takes really varies. Sometimes you can feel something’s going on that is worth pursuing, but it takes ages until you find out what it’s about. At other times everything just slots into place immediately.

‘Soft’ took 4 hours from start to finish, but that was really unusual. Most of the tracks on Lost Horizons and 64-95 took several weeks. The tracks I’m writing for a personal project at the moment are taking a similar time, weeks not days - sometimes it takes a while for things to settle into shape. You have a starting point, and it’s a journey to see where it goes. I never have a clue what things are going to sound like at the end.”

Although Nick insists that they “never made conscious decisions about [the tone of tracks]” and that songs would “change key,

tonality, speed, essence, everything during the writing process”, there is a reoccurring major key throughout Lemon Jelly’s work.

In light of the rarity of upbeat ambient electronic music, the question of influences is pressing. “We were influenced by each other. Fred’s musical experiences were very different to my own, and we approach everything from very different perspectives.

Lemon Jelly is a musical world distorted through both our prisms. I’m not listening to very much at the moment as I’m finishing off a very personal musical project of my own. I do that best in a vacuum. It’s less distracting.”

The personal music project in question is being formed alongside a number of instillation art pieces that includes an explorative scuba dive through the wreck of the SS Marga. I ask if there’s a difference in the creative process between the two art forms.

“As far as my solo work goes, whether it’s music or installations or whatever, there’s no difference. Something throws up a question out of nowhere, and I go off to live in that world for a while, see what’s going on.

Whether I’m working it out with an analog synth or a bag of compost on my shoulders, makes no difference. With the instillations I’ve travelled to New York to investigate the ambience of the Manhattan Bridge. For my current musical project I’ve just come back from spending three days in Riga with the Dalai Lama. What’s not to love?”

Before we finish, I get the chance to ask one final question: What do you do in the bath?

“Play with me duck. Doesn’t everyone?”

“ You have a starting point, and it’s a journey to see where it goes. I never have a clue what things are going to sound like at the end.”

LIFE IN MUSIC 2 Jon “Disco” Bones talks about what it’s like to be a Music Tech student

S

o “Music Tech” is an umbrella term and essentially describes the technology behind modern music which is why it’s a relatively new degree course. My first year involved quite a bit of maths, hardware electronics and electronics theory alongside computer programming. It doesn’t sound too musical at all but it’s

useful to know if you have an interest in understanding how the inside of a guitar pedal works or how to model the behaviour of a violin string using a computer.

All of that aside, the best bit about studying Music Tech is getting in the recording studio and creating a track. Currently, I’m working on a drum recording exercise as part of my course which looks at the different ways of using microphones creatively to capture the drum kit. We have to submit a composition using recorded material by the end of term, so I’m going for a classic disco/funk sound inspired by the likes of Chic, Gwen McCrae & Funkadelic.

I think that there is a slight stereotype associated with Music Tech students but it’s probably because we are creatively-

minded people. Yes, many of us use Apple Macs, but it’s not simply because they look cool - some types of industry-standard music software only exist on OSX. Equally, if your passion is music, you’re likely to know a lot about different genres due to studying techniques used by recording artists. Does it therefore make you a hipster if you like listening to recordings of 1940s jazz standards in order to better understand and appreciate the recording techniques of the time? I don’t think so.

I make Indie Dance/Nu Disco music under the alias of L&NER (pronounced landtner) so studying Music Tech has definitely helped me to understand what makes a good mix and how to be creative when it comes to recording music. I’m working on an EP

at the moment which will be released at the end of November on my soundcloud (l-ner), and this term I’m DJing for the ‘Warmup to Kuda’ and ‘Warmup to Tokyo’ at University Radio York.

My ideal career would be to have a home studio, create music and travel around the world. Realistically though, you have to be very lucky to make a career out of music. Therefore, I’m looking to get a day job somewhere within the music industry, maybe even creating electronic music-related products such as hi-fi speakers/drum machines/synthesisers. I would still want to continue with my music production as a side project and who knows - maybe one day it will become my day job!

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FILM

FEATURE

TV

BOOKS

TECH

STAGE SPOTLIGHT

FIL Fantastic Mr. Fox

The Facts of Life From Dusk to Dawn

Batman and Robin

2002

George Clooney career-o-graph

Gravity

Ocean’s Eleven

E/R

2004

2006

2010

2012

Aesthetica Film Festival: Review After the weekend’s events, film editor Timothy Douglas reviews the highlights of Aesthetica 2013

I

t is often said that film is art, that all of what is created in the film industry is the result of one vision - one artist. Though recently I have come to reject this assumption. Surely, if film truly was the product of an artist, then all credit would be given to that sole performer for their work as an individual, which very clearly isn’t the case. What the Aesthetica Short Film Festival has taught me, among all else, is quite the opposite - that art itself is film and that filmmakers do what they do out of sheer determination to create something special. Aesthetica, therefore, deserves notable recognition.

All heartfelt commentaries aside, Aesthetica 2013 was certainly the most spectacular event I have encountered at York thus far. It exceeded all of my expectations. Even the simplicity of the experience tied in with my enjoyment not being thwarted by distances between venues or technical difficulties, you might even say it was faultless.

Notwithstanding the weather, which

changed on a regular basis, journeying through the maze that is York, it was unexpectedly pleasant. On the first day of Aesthetica, I managed to witness some of the poignant historical venues such as Kings Manor, St William’s College and the Yorkshire Museum, all of which were aesthetically breathtaking.

Not only had I entered a whole world of short film, but I had been taken on a historical itinerary that charged my seemingly unending - and almost embarrassing - excitement. Without straying off topic too much, it is certainly worth picking up on the interior of the venues. The surroundings were unparalleled, furniture placed appropriately and lights perfectly dimmed in a way that invited you in and guaranteed your comfort. These undoubtedly added to the already profound atmosphere in the room, fuelling my, and everybody else’s, excitement.

Alongside the majesties of the venues, and perhaps of greater importance, was

indeed the content. Thousands of people flocked to experience these shorts, and in truth, this doesn’t surprise me. At first, watching a rather dull drama entitled Happiness, I felt rather sceptical of the forthcoming shorts. Of course, this instantly changed and by the late afternoon I was hooked - in fact, I found it physically challenging trying to hold myself back from ‘over-covering’ the event, if such a thing was even possible.

A few of my favourite films included Who is Gilbert Prousch?, a documentary directed by Nora Ganthaler, The Eclipse of Taregna, an Indian feature written by Rakesh Chaudhary, and Under The Fold, a lighthearted animation focusing on optimism during the horrors of the Great Depression. Although praising the aforementioned films personally, I’d be lying if I said there was a single movie I hated, again stressing the artistry of short film.

Frankly, I am glad festivals like Aesthetica notice the talent that manifests itself in the contemporary short film industry and that continues to thrive among some of the bigger Hollywood movies to date.

It feels almost inappropriate to say farewell to the festival, not just because it is

an annual event, but because it remains a timeless experience. Not only did it help me fall in love with the City of York, but more importantly it made me fall back in love with film.

With the year coming to an end, Thom Shutt looks at those actors who have either had a successful year or a particularly dismal one

Good Year

Cult TV to global megahunk in barely a year? Not a bad effort at all.

After several years of gathering an army of Cumberbitches from his TV work, Benny C (Yes, Benny C) hit BIG this year, receiving universal praise for his role as Kaaaaaaahn in the latest Star Trek film, showing off his intense brooding monologue skills as well as considerable action chops - he acted Chris Pine’s face clean off.

Meanwhile, a recent supporting role in the critically acclaimed Oscar bait 12 Years a Slave (out here in a month or so) has also served to raise his profile somewhat.

And, OK, so he was also in the admittedly naff The Fifth Estate, which garnered, should we say, an apathetic response from the critical community. But his performance as golden haired supercreep Julian Assange was still well received and certainly hasn’t harmed his upward trajectory. He also has an upcoming role as Enigma hero Alan Turing and (whisper it) he’s also playing Smaug the Dragon in a little film called The Hobbit next month... so that might get a bit of attention as well.

Benedict Cumberbatch Jaden and Will Smith

Bad Year

First up is the winner of the ‘Annoying Little Shit of the Year’ Award, Jaden Smith, for his role in the abomination that is After Earth.

Killed off by a complete lack of anything even resembling charisma and compelling narrative, the film was treated with what you might call an all-pervasive apathy by most cinemagoers and made about 50p at the box office. Director M. Night Shyamalan who, let’s be fair, has been having a bit of a shocker recently, probably wasn’t the best choice to make the film, but it’s still no excuse for the totally boring phoned in performances of all involved. Peter Bradshaw of The Guardian summed it up thus: “Much like his dad, Jaden Smith shows no fear. Or any emotion. Or any acting talent of any sort.” Ouch.

Meanwhile, an oversaturation of unearned smugness whilst doing the promotional rounds can’t have helped, nor can the faint whiff of Tom Cruiseesque weird Scientology nonsense spouted at an alarming frequency by his usually fairly reliable dad. Even wheeling out The Fresh Prince’s Carlton to do the funny dance didn’t help matters. The Pursuit of Happiness this was not.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

Gravity

REVIEWS M

urphy’s law states “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong”, and so it is with Gravity. Over the course of a spry ninety minutes, writer/director Alfonso Cuarón deftly guides us through a maelstrom of nerve racking calamities in one of the most visceral and nail biting films of the last decade.

The story is simple: When a collision destroys their Space Shuttle, astronauts Ryan Stone (Sandra Bullock) and Matt Kowalski (George Clooney) must fight for their lives and attempt to return to earth.

Yet, contained within this linear, intimate narrative are some of the most universal and hefty themes in cinema; death and rebirth; the heroes journey, and the simple beauty of existence.

Throughout, Gravity is permeated by loneliness and fear, a constant sense of unease. What do you do when faced with the immensity of nothingness, isolated and drifting away from everyone you’ve ever known? This is a film where the emotional journey and the sensorial experience are given an equal billing.

In a film where fully 90% of the imagery is created

Captin Phillips

C

aptain Phillips is among the most topical films of the year, focusing upon the highly topical issue of Somali Pirate attacks. However the film neatly side-steps the temptation to make an overtly negative portrayal of the pirates themselves. Instead it adopts a far more astute approach of portraying them as human beings and demonstrating their motivations.

Tom Hanks gives a great performance as the eponymous Captain Phillips. From the opening scenes of Phillips leaving his wife behind, there’s a tingling sense of unease that truly crystallises once the hijacking is underway. At once Phillips’s control is shattered and replaced by the confident swagger of Barkhad Abdi as the pirate Captain Muse.

The characters in general are well developed, especially the pirates. Enough credit cannot be given for actually fleshing them out instead of having them as generic guns for hire. The film ramps up in the final third as Navy Seals swirl and it converts from stand-off to full blown thriller.

Paul Greengrass’s shaky camerawork adds a sense of realism, but the hand-held effect is at times jarring and verges on headache-inducing. It may be his signature style, but in this instance the realism was almost overshadowed by how illness-inducing it was.

Overall, Captain Phillips was a commendably directed and wonderful film.

Admirably bereft of the over the top flag waving that would have been present were it directed by someone like Michael Bay, Captain Phillips struck the right tone between the one-sided Western image of tragedy and also humanizing the pirates.

Thomas Shutt and Angus Quinn

on a computer, the boundary between what’s real and what’s not is totally indistinguishable. Kudos most goes to effects house, Framestore, and their work here is cracking. The use of 3D, meanwhile adds subtle embellishment to the already sublime vistas, placing you in an infinite depth of field, or adding gentle texture. Much like last years similarly gorgeous Life of Pi, rather than the gaudy excesses of Avatar.

Tension is heightened by Steven Price’s simple, almost ambient score pulsating and ratcheting up the strain before ebbing away to provide a subtle counterpoint to some brief moment of serenity.

Meanwhile, Cuarón’s roving camera, constantly alternating between objective and subjective perspectives, blurs the line between what it is to watch a film and feel like you’re an active participant. The use of long, unbroken shots is something of a Cuarón specialty (the ambush from Children of Men springs to mind), but here he takes it further. A bravura 13 minute opening shot is, with only slight hyperbole, one of the most astounding sequences in cinema history and is worth the admis-

Thor: The Dark World

F

ollowing the successes of The Avengers and Iron Man 3 comes Thor: The Dark World. The film manages not to repeat the mistakes of Iron Man 2 and celebrate its predecessors while managing to avoid reusing the same old formula. A Sir Anthony Hopkins narrated prologue introduces the new villains, the Dark Elves and sets up the threat. This time the entire universe’s at risk. Thor’s straight into the action and it rarely slows down.

There’s a host of returning faces, Idris Elba remains the coolest guy in Asgard, Hopkins is solid and glowering, Natalie Portman is a dependable damsel in distress and Chris Hemsworth is every bit the leading man as a maturing, responsible Thor. Those expecting more of the Thor and Loki show might be disappointed with Tom Hiddleston remaining largely off-screen for the first hour. It’s a shame as he’s probably the best thing in the movie. Hiddleston gives you Loki; unrepentant, hateful and eager to escape the captivity.

Christopher Eccleston gives it a go as the leader of the Dark Elves. He nails the fanatical rage but is never given a chance to develop beyond this. Generally he leaves the heavy lifting to his minions while he stands by shouting threats.

When he finally steps up for the climax it is a suitably impressive affair in a beautifully structured scene which manages to surprise at every turn and generate some of the movies best laughs.

Ultimately it’s yet another success story, with enough foreshadowing to keep you excited for the follow-ups but enough closure to leave you satisfied. Anyone eager should stay behind for a postcredit scene that’s everything you might have hoped for and more.

Robin Gill

sion price alone. Indeed, the film is littered with moments of pure glory. Several images conjuring the work of such luminaries as Spielberg or Kubrick; a fetal Bullock in particular harking back to the latter’s iconic Star Child.

But while this film does share some of the transcendental and meditative DNA of 2001, the short run time serves to make Gravity far more of its own beast; a taut and efficient fairground ride.

Here is the overwhelming sense of some unstoppable force propelling us towards the conclusion that this chain of events won’t stop until we hit the ground. Gravity is apt a title as there could be.

Meanwhile umbilical cords literally connect characters together for much of the film, with Cuarón exploring the topic of parental attachment and loss that has run through his work all the way back to A Little Princess. Doctor Stone’s psychological trauma over a recent tragedy unfolds in real time, as she inwardly and outwardly strains to propel herself from perfect isolation back to the world of the living.

It’s a subdued and natural performance, and one that deserves recognition. Bullock’s Ryan Stone carries us all the way to the final sublime moment, quietly emphasising the intrinsic value of the life we take so often for granted. Gravity is an ode to survival, a film about moving forward, picking yourself up and carrying on in spite of it all.

It’s a thrilling and gorgeous piece of work, an instant classic.

Thomas Shutt

Philomena

F

or a film hailed as Steve Coogan going serious, Philomena is outrageously funny as well as intensely moving. Make no mistake, the story of an Irish women searching for her long lost son torn from her as a toddler is, inevitably, heartbreaking. But Coogan’s script balances this tearful emotional story with laugh out loud comedy.

The true story of an Irish woman thrown into an abbey as a teenager after getting pregnant and forced to give up her child is a tearjerker if ever there was one. In the hands of other writers it could have easily turned into a pithy social realist drama exploring the damaging effects of catholic policy. But the screenplay Steve Coogan and Jeff Pope have created is delicately balanced to leave the audience laughing uproariously seconds after the tears have been pouring down.

Steve Coogan’s character, real life author of Philomena’s story, Martin Sixsmith, is the character the audience aligns itself with. Depressed and cynical, Coogan is brilliant as Sixsmith and it is he who reflects the anger and indignation the audience inevitably feels. Coogan’s observational quips; “I’ve never been to a harvester before” provide laughs, but it is Dame Judi Dench’s Philomena which has the audience in fits.

Wonderfully written and beautifully played, Philomena is not the film you expect. Part road movie, part British comedy, director Stephen Frears has made a film that despite an apparent simplicity is full of beautiful nuances and incredibly balanced and well written emotional sequences. For such a slight tale, Philomena is a film that stays on your mind, but instead of leaving you feeling drained and cynical; it is a tale of letting go and finding forgiveness.

Zoe Bennell

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2013: RETR

Scene Editors KARL TOMUSK and ANGUS QUINN Angus Quinn

1.3 MILLION COPIES SOLD

2013

: a year for the return of icons in music, regeneration of age old series in film, the end of some TV shows, and the birth of new, highly promising ones.

Cher and Celine Dion have both returned to recording after extended absences from the scene, with Cher releasing her first album in 12 years and Celine releasing her first English language album since 2007. Cher’s Closer To The Truth became her highest charting album ever across the pond and made the Top 5 in the UK, while Dion has received rave reviews for comeback single, ‘Loved Back To Life.’

However, these seasoned performers have been overshadowed by the on-going death match between two 21st Century titans: Katy Perry and Lady Gaga. ‘Roar’, Perry’s lead from her new album, also trounced ‘Applause’ in the head-to-head chart battle and has gone on to top charts globally, while ‘Applause’ has failed to reach the Top 3 in any major market. Perry’s Prism has also received almost uniform positive reception as opposed to the inconsistent response to Gaga’s own ARTPOP. Man of Steel proved a high-point for film, marking a return (sort of…) for DC Comics to the cinema after Marvel’s almost unassailable run of films since 2008’s Iron Man. Though Man of Steel was by no means perfect - it was a little cold and clinical. But aside from this, it was a fabulous return to form and obliterated the horrific memory of Green Lantern burned into our brains by Ryan Reynolds’ appalling performance. With the lukewarm reception to recent release Thor: The Dark World and the announcement of Superman vs. Batman for 2014, the time could be ripe for DC to take advantage and drive forwards to assert itself as a viable cinema property again.

The end of 90210 was a weird one. The show was terrible. By the Fifth Season it was clear the writers had run out of ideas and were literally working on a week-to-week basis, but in the finale when they desperately flailed to crash all their storylines to conclusion, there was a little bit of sadness mixed in.

Every generation has their show.

The lucky sods of the early 00s got The OC and One Tree Hill. The next lot got glorious Gossip Girl. We had 90210 but we basked in how terrible it was, and for a time we were all quite bothered about them all…well about Naomi anyway…the rest of them were rubbish.

January

968,000

COPIES OF THE 20/20 EXPERIENCE SOLD IN 1 WEEK

March

28 POINTS

THE UK HOLDS OUT FOR A EUROVISION HERO YET AGAIN

May

2013 in

February

April

June

108, 400, 000

$147, 000, 000

14, 600, 000

SAW DESTINY’S CHILD REFORM AT THE SUPER BOWL

FOR IRON MAN 3’S OPENING WEEKEND AT THE BOX OFFICE

ARE ENTHRALLED BY GAME OF THRONES

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TECH

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look back at the last year in popular culture...

150,000%

JUMP IN SALES ONCE J.K OWNED UP TO WRITING THE CUCKOO’S CALLING

100,000,000 75% YOUTUBE VIEWS IN SIX DAYS

n numbers...

August

557,000 COPIES OF ROAR SOLD IN ITS FIRST WEEK ON SALE

LESS

SOLD THAN BORN THIS WAY

September November

July

October

4, 000, 000 COPIES OF POKEMON X AND Y SOLD IN ONE WEEKEND

Karl Tomusk

December

1 ALARM CLOCK MELTS AN ENTIRE NATION’S HEARTS

“Y

eezy season approaching” wrote a wise man about himself a few months back, effectively summing up 2013. This was a year that, for me, was characterised by a continued obsession with hip-hop albums and Breaking Bad. My friends kept reminding me I’m too pretentious about the things I listen to and watch. But I pressed on, believing I might as well embrace being pretentious, wearing tweed, and listening to Eminem’s affectionate love songs.

In the world of hip-hop, artists kept releasing album after album, mixtape after mixtape, with such consistency that every week there was a new “album of the year”. A few in particular stood out. There was Chance The Rapper’s Acid Rap, a mix of soulful beats, very distinctive lyrical delivery, and the most infectious hook of the year in ‘Cocoa Butter Kisses’. Kanye West released Yeezus, which divided critics and fans alike despite being one of the most sonically interesting mainstream hip-hop records around. A few months later, Kendrick Lamar’s verse in ‘Control’ caused a hilarious stir by calling out rappers out for being lazy. Most rappers were, appropriately, too lazy to respond well. Being the sensitive man that he is, Drake cried about it over a bottle of rosé before releasing the underwhelming Nothing Was the Same. But at least it wasn’t as abysmal as Magna Carta Holy Grail, Jay Z’s experiment to see if he can take a dump and still sell it. Turns out he can.

Breaking Bad also ended this year. The finale might not have been a perfect 50 minutes of television, but the episode ‘Ozymandias’ came very, very close. Mad Men kept me hooked for quite a while, and The Walking Dead kept me disappointed for about the same amount of time. Other than that, I’ve been neglecting TV. It might have been the consistently awful fourth season of Community or the overrated first season of Hannibal, which was really not much more than CSI meets pseudo-intellectual drivel, meets a nearly non-existent Hannibal Lecter.

My housemates also inform me GTA V and Pokemon X/Y recently came out, but I don’t have time to play video games these days. And don’t get me started on books. I wish I had time to read something other than history, but, as a history student, that won’t happen any time soon. Oh well. Maybe next year.

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TELEVISION FAN-’TASHE-TIC

We take a look at some of the best moustaches on TV...

Ron Swanson Parks and Recreation

Thomas Magnum Magnum, P.I.

George ‘Pornstache’ Mendez Orange Is the New Black

2013

TV highlights of the year

Ned Flanders The Simpsons

The Office US may have gone downhill since Steve Carell left but the final ever episode managed to bring the show back to its glory days and leave on a high.

Earl Hickey My Name Is Earl

Hercule Poirot Poirot

Bruce Forsyth Strictly Come Dancing

Hulk Hogan WrestleMania

THE RETURN OF FRESH MEAT

TOM DAVIES talks student life, Jack Whitehall and university expectations

E

ver since I was a young boy my dream was always to go to university. To me it was never a means to an end, a step on the road to some greater goal, but an end in itself. That was simply what I wanted to do, go to university.

My obsession with university meant that I spent an inordinate amount of time, particularly as the date of my Higher Education Debut drew ever closer, watching American college shows like Greek and Glory Daze. I was however, painfully aware that it was unlikely these shows would be anything like my experience, and I always yearned a decent show about a British university, of which there seemed to be precisely none.

Then one day, I got my wish and it was certainly worth the wait. Fresh Meat, now returning for a third season is I’m convinced one of our best homegrown television shows of this decade. The product of the feverish comedy minds of Sam Bain and Jesse Armstrong, of Peep Show and The Thick of It fame, first came onto our screens in 2011, when I was

just beginning my second year of Sixth Form. The show revolves around six students who attend the fictional Manchester Medlock University. The series began with the hapless band moving into a university house in Rusholme, Manchester after missing out on halls due to their late applications.

The cast represent

fantastically the string of exaggerated stereotypes on display at university; a shy virgin just thrust out into the world after being finally let off the parental leash (portrayed by Simon from The Inbetweeners, of all people); a girl from a privileged background which she seeks to hide, worrying it will affect her street cred; an alternative type, and an eccentric and socially inept older student. However it’s Jack Whitehall who truly steals the show as JP, an Old Stoic from a privileged background. His entitled cockiness and attempts to appear cool are a source of constant pratfalls and trouble, and also make him the originator of the lion’s share of quotable lines from the series, which as a show that is hardly short on them, is quite an achievement.

The influence of the comedy grandees that are Armstrong and Bain re-

ally shows their considerable strengths of combining truly inspired dialogue with wicked, cutting satirical shine through from their formidable resume into Fresh Meat.

The characters are all fairly affable in their own way and you feel like you can genuinely get behind them, despite their numerous flaws. This helps in a show aimed at students and soon to be students. The relative lightness of the tone is at no expense of the comedy, so what you end up with is all the devilish humour of Peep Show without some of the slightly grimmer overtures, which for my taste, is perfect.

So if you are a university student, which I assume you are, unless you found this copy of Vision in a bin or got very sidetracked on the internet, then give Fresh Meat a go. As a piece of satire about university and indeed many elements of life as an under-25 in 21st century Britain, it’s almost pitch perfect; you’ll laugh, you’ll cry. Go on, why don’t you start watching it right now? I dare you. You won’t regret it. But if you do regret it, I’m not legally culpable.

Leslie and Ben finally tied the knot this year in Parks and Recreation. People everywhere cried with happiness.

Daenerys Targaryan from Game of Thrones freeing the slaves in Astapor like a badass.

The final episode of Breaking Bad was arguably the defining moment of television this year.

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TWEET US: @YORKVISIONTV

THE NEW FACES OF 2013

KATIE THOMAS and RACHEL SEYMOUR reflect on the TV stars that have broken through this year

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013 is drawing to an end – an appropriate time to reflect on the memorable faces television has brought us over the past year.

It’s certainly been an unforgettable year for Jamie Dornan, who made his British TV debut this year in chilling BBC crime drama series The Fall. He played bereavementcounselor-turned-murderer Paul Spector, who despite being an involved father and husband operates a double life, preying on young women as soon as darkness falls.

The series was a huge success, attracting millions of viewers per episode and was reported as the highest rated drama launched within the last eight years. A second series is predicted to start filming in early 2014.

Previously known for his appearance in acclaimed fantasy drama Once Upon a Time as both the Sheriff and the Huntsman, Dornan has overcome his character being killed-off and has been able to bounce back off the back of the appearance in the prestigious BBC drama.

Dornan has recently been the subject of extensive media attention after confirming his upcoming role as the infamous Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey. His role in the widely anticipated film will keep Dornan in the public spotlight for the foresee-

able future; the women of Britain no doubt eager to see how he will rise to the challenge of enacting Mr. Grey.

It’s clear that Dornan is here to stay and we’re excited to see what the future holds for him.

2013 has also been an eventful year for Lena Dunham, the creator and star of HBO series, Girls. This year, Dunham was presented with eight nominations for Emmy Awards and went on to win two Golden Globe awards for the addictive comedydrama series. In the past twelve months, Girls has risen to fame within the UK, many immediately warming to Dunham and not just as a result of her comedic value. Dunham admirably challenges the Hollywood stereotype, unconcerned about revealing her non-skinny, non-glossy body on screen. A woman of many talents, she has achieved a lot at just twenty-seven and it’s clear that Girls is just the start for her.

Before this year, AnnaSophia Robb was best known for her role in Tim Burton’s remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as gum-chewing Violet Beauregarde. Now she has stepped

into Sarah Jessica Parker’s Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choos to star as a young, bushy-haired Carrie Bradshaw in The Carrie Diaries. Premiering in January this year and just beginning its second series, the show focuses on Carrie as she makes her way through high school in the eighties and finds her feet in New York.

With the notoriety of the original series Sex and the City, it was obvious that whoever was cast as main character Carr i e

would be instantly projected into stardom.

This has certainly proved true with Robb, who since landing the role has starred in The Way Way Back with Steve Carell and also won the Young Hollywood Award this year for ‘Superstar of Tomorrow’. They were big Manolos to fill, but Robb has easily stepped into them, with her easy charm, sense of humour and cute looks.

Whilst Aaron Paul has been known to viewers of Breaking Bad since it began in 2008 as dropout Jesse Pinkman, it was only really this year that the show became such a huge phenomenon. Over 10.3 million people watched the final episode when it aired on September 29th this year, the highest number of viewers ever achieved by the show.

Prior to this year, Paul’s list of acting credits, whilst long, mainly consisted of bit-parts and secondary characters (as well as the obligatory stint on CSI: Miami and Criminal Minds). Since Breaking Bad ended, Paul has landed leading roles in four films due for release next year, including Ridley Scott-directed Exodus, which also stars Christian Bale and Sigourney Weaver, showing he is finally getting the recognition he deserves. A good year all round for new talent in television.

LOVE/HATE

ANGUS QUINN and KATIE THOMAS have different appetites for Come Dine With Me...

T

here’s nothing more blissful on a Saturday afternoon than slouching on the sofa in front of two and a half hours of guests slagging each other off for failing to deliver a Michelin starred meal at a dinner party. Not surprisingly Come Dine With Me has been going forever and with good reason.

Dave Lamb is the constant voice of reason amongst the swirling egos, deflating soufflés and undercooked chicken. Forever poking fun at the contestants, he is the show’s single greatest asset, turning Come Dine With Me into entertainment. The show also benefits from the fact that the producers actively seeks out crazy people.

There’s always the snobby foodie, who whilst being outwardly nice, bitches viciously about the other contestants and brags about winning, before guffawing at coming third behind the person who served pig’s trotters. There’s always a person who can’t cook. Often the most entertaining individual, they flail about the kitchen, smearing the camera in smoked salmon and covering themselves in meringue by tipping the egg-white mix over their heads without sufficiently stiff peaks in place .

At the end of the day, it’s comfort viewing and it’s easy. You don’t have to engage too much with Come Dine With Me. You can slump, switch on and Dave Lamb takes over for you. He points out when someone’s crap, cooking something bizarre or hasn’t a hope in hell of winning, and you can contentedly sloth about with your day.

I

f you’ve ever found yourself confined to the house and exposed to the horror of daytime television, you’ll be all too familiar with the show that is Come Dine With Me. Dave Lamb; the show’s narrator, keeps viewers hooked with his sarcasm, dry humour and witty one liners voiced at the stake of the contestants. Sadly, he is the one somewhat redeeming aspect to the show.

Maybe I’m being overly critical, but I have never understood why watching a group of unspectacular individuals with amateur cooking skills host dinner parties for each other is an entertaining concept. It is in fact, tedious. I could maybe justify watching one dinner party; hosted by a Bob, Brenda or George with mediocre culinary skills, the drama of the night escalating to one of the guests having a little too much to drink – abruptly stating they didn’t take too well to the roast beef. But suddenly we have to do the same thing all over again. And again. Until you’ve witnessed four dinner parties in one show, featuring the same people and enough monotonous conversation to last you a lifetime.

Sometimes, you might be lucky enough to catch one of the more dramatic episodes; one of the guests might even drop a bottle of red wine on the dinner host’s white carpet. Additionally, the show is almost impossible to avoid, with up to six episodes a day aired on Channel 4. Uneventful and repetitive, Come Dine With Me doesn’t fit the criteria for good television, failing to leave me feeling remotely entertained - and considering it’s a show about dinner parties, I’m sure you’re not surprised.

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BOOKS WHAT’S ON MY KINDLE...

SAMUEL BOWELL

Alice Munro: Master of contemporary short story

A

THE PIKE Lucy Hughes-Hallett (Fourth Estate) In The Pike, HughesHallett recounts the evolution of the biography’s deplorable protagonist, Gabriele D’Annunzio, from rakish poet to Fascist utopianist, set within the context of a beautifully rendered portrayal of a century on the brink of tumult.

This is a momentous work that transcends the conventions of biography.

SLAUGHTERHOUSEFIVE Kurt Vonnegut (Vintage)

Ripe with originality and black humour, the inimitable satirical voice of the Diogenes of American letters, Kurt Vonnegut, is nowhere richer than in this modern classic: a book about irrationality, inevitability and the trials and tribulations of an optometrist un-stuck in time. So it goes.

COLLECTED POEMS Philip Larkin (Faber) Far from comprehensive, this widely panned 2003 edition of the poet’s four published titles (The North Ship, The Less Deceived, The Whitsun Weddings and High Windows) fails to represent the full breadth of Larkin’s creative scope. Regardless of editorial flaws, this edition of Larkin’s verse conjures enough alluring melancholy to interest the casual reader.

t 1 PM Stockholm local time (GMT 11 AM) on October 10, the Swedish Academy awarded the 2013 Nobel Prize in Literature to Canadian author Alice Munro. According to statistics from odds lists on Ladbrokes websites, Japanese author Haruki Murakami had been the bookmaker’s favourite to win; however, he ultimately missed out the prize near at hand.

Alice Munro, who is the first Canadian and the 13th woman to receive the Nobel Prize in Literature, was awarded by the Nobel Academy as a master of the contemporary short story. Most of Munro’s works are set against the background of Huron County, Ontario, where she was born, and her writing tends to depict normal and plain family stories in the early 20th century, frequently from the perspectives of complex female characters. There are two particular pronounced themes of Munro’s prose: female coming of age and the notion of growing up.

She has been praised for her ability portray these themes with vividness and lucidity with words of both emotional and literary depth.

Alice Munro was known to readers owing to her first short story collection Dance of the Happy Shades (1968), published at the age of 37. However, she published her first story in 1950, during her time at the University of Western Ontario studying English and Journalism. In the same year, she received the Canada Council for the Arts’ Governor General’s Award for Literary Merit.

In increasing an author’s overseas readership, translation plays a vital role. Among overseas markets, taking China as an example, it has been reported that Runaway (2004), one of Munro’s more popular titles, is the only one with a Chinese translation at present. But with the announcement of her Nobel Literature Prize laureateship, Chinese readers now show burgeoning interest to read her works. In order to meet the demands of this readership, an estimated 100 thousand Chinese volumes of Runaway will be reprinted and the translations of another seven typical works will meet a Chinese audience before long.

In fact, when the exciting news was declared to the world from the Nobel Academy, Americans were no less exhilarated than Canadians. American Nobel enthusiasts have been impatient for a North American author to receive the honour after Toni Morrison won the prize in 1993. Moreover, American literary critics conveyed congratulation seemingly in response to Munro’s af-

finity with America. Geographic closeness is partially the reason. More importantly, Munro enjoys an illustrious reputation in America, as she is the most prolific author to have contributed to The New Yorker magazine. Even in America, her works are used as example to guide people how to write with exquisite words. Hence, there is no doubt that Americans are nuts about celebrating it.

The Nobel Prize for Literature initially aims to award those outstanding contributions in literature. However, the benchmark for the merit varies individually.

Whether the result is the people’s choice and popular novel, or that of the committee will remain to be seen.Never theless, the Nobel Prize for Literature distinguishes itself from other literary awards and is still a lifelong glory for a writer.

As for who might be conferred the title of laureate next year, it will be a hot topic and another annual guessing game.

Doris Xu

Literary Leftovers: What You Missed in 2013

I

n publishing news, recent months have been dominated by international coverage of the feverish activities of the Nobel, Booker, and Samuel Johnson prize committees. After coverage of these events, any white space left between the leaves of arts journals has quickly been claimed as a soapbox for traditionalists decrying the growth of digital book sales or bemoaning the disappearance of independent bookshops from high-streets. But the world of books, in 2013, has been peppered with a number of overlooked or forgotten occurrences also.

The year began with the minor controversy surrounding the publication of this cover to the Faber edition of Sylvia Plath’s semi-autobiographical, The Bell Jar (shown right). The colourful design and playful font choice were seemingly not to the tastes of readers of this seminal novel about clinical depression and oppressive patriarchy.

In February, whilst speculation surrounded the possible shortlists of more prestigious awards, the literary calendar was not marked by news of the Diagram Prize, a decoration awarded for “an undervalued art”, the oddest book title of the year. This year’s

victorious title, the tongue-in-cheek manual, Goblinproofing One’s Chicken Coop, joined a hall of fame that contains such former winners as Highlights in the History of Concrete and Proceedings of the Second International Workshop on Nude Mice.

In more worthy news, 2013 saw the first English translation of the long overlooked Giacomo Leopardi’s Zibaldone. The text, affectionately known by aficionados of the genre as a hodgepodge book, is the collection of private diaries and sundry literary sketches of the author, whose ideas have been described as going “beyond those of every other European man of letters, from Goethe to Paul Valéry”.

Meanwhile, in Leopardi’s country of origin, archaeologists amused themselves this summer by planting vineyards in accord-

ance with techniques described in Virgil’s Georgics. Utilising wooden tools of Roman design and terracotta pots hermetically sealed with beeswax in place of barrels during fermentation, the experimental specialists hope to produce 70 litres of Bacchanalworthy wine after their first harvest.

Last month, Tennyson’s “Blow Bugle Blow, set the wild echoes flying” became the first line of poetry to feature on a British coin. However, in Irish currency literature has fared less successfully of late. In April, Ireland’s Central Bank launched a commemorative coin intended to honour the work of James Joyce by quoting a passage from Ulysses. But where Joyce originally composed, “Signatures of all things I am here to read …”, the coin’s designers apparently felt it necessary to include a wayward, “that” in this last sentence. Mark Traynor, curator of the James Joyce Centre has encouraged fans of the author to see the “humorous side to it”, adding, “even after the cessation of copyright on Joyce’s major works – you still can’t reproduce a couple of sentences without causing a bit of scandal”.

Samuel Bowell

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BOOKS D-READING IT: GUILTY PLEASURES

#2013reads

ANGUS QUINN AND ZENA JARJIS TAKE ON THE CHALLENGE (Those books that you really, really don’t want to read. But you sort of do...)

Fifty Shades of Grey - E.L. James “He cocks his head to one side, running his index finger across his lower lip…oh my.”

Really though? Touching his lip? You have to refuse the urge to roll your eyes a lot of the time, but it is oddly addictive. Even if Anastasia Steele has blatantly stolen George Takei’s catchphrase, her general Bambi approach around Christian Grey is endearing if a little annoying after nothing really happens.

Everything’s so painfully drawn out. Drawing stuff out doesn’t make it sexy though E L James, it just makes it annoying when we have to take three sentences to get through one action. Considering all the hype about Fifty Shades of Grey as erotica, there just wasn’t any saucy stuff for ages.

Indeed, the first 50 pages of the book are dismal, but it’s still addictive. I don’t tend to

like first person narrative, but somehow Anastasia Grey’s gushing about Christian and the Rom-Com style development of their relationship draws you in. There’s also the sense reading it that E. L. James was just bashing away at her laptop and just putting down whatever she felt like was a natural, if massively cliche, plot development.

I wouldn’t use the word “trashy”, since “trash” can often actually be quite good in a tongue-in-cheek-way. Fifty Shades is terribly written, James’s style is amateurish, but because of the hype I felt at least partially obliged to trudge on.

It’s written in such a terrible, “keep reading,” style that you can’t actually put it down.

You do end up giving over to the inner monologue of Anastasia Steele…or at least I did as long as I could last in the

In the Name of Love - Katie Price I used to be obsessed with chick lit, but when you study English Lit, you kind of forget how to read for pleasure.

I recently started reading girly fiction again, seeing as I loved Lauren Conrad’s L.A. Candy, which parodied LC’s own expereinces on reality TV shows The Hills and Laguna Beach: The Real OC. On that basis, I decided to to give another reality show star turned author a go and try In The Name Of Love by Katie Price. Admittedly my eyebrows were raised a little bit since Price is well known for having most of her books ghost-written, but I gamely took on the challenge anyway.

Reviews were promising, with Cosmo and Glam-

our, my favourite magzines, giving the book the thumbs up. But as soon as I read the blurb, I began to have doubts about the supposedly incredibly romantic story of sports presenter Charlie and “brilliant rider” Felipe Castillo.

There seems to have been a lot of care and attention on Price’s (or her ghostwriter’s...) part to putting her own life experience into the book. It not only echoes her own well known love of riding, but also her multiple exotic and commonly papped holidays.

I didn’t get very far. By that, I mean I didn’t even make it past the prologue. From the first line, which described the air as “a warm caress on [Charlie’s] bare arms”, I knew

book before I got to something truly hideous-sounding.

The action rather spookily centres on having to do an interview for a Student Newspaper…unfortunately none of my interviews have ever ended in a kinky love affair… but if I ever land Channing Tatum, who knows?

50 Shades in brief: Sticks and stones might not break Anastasia’s bones, but chains and whips come to excite her.

First thing said: “I scowl with frustration at myself in the mirror.”

Random Horrific Line: “And that night, I dream of grey eyes and leafy patterns in milk, and I’m running through dark places with eerie strip lighting, and I don’t know if I’m running toward something or away from it… it’s just not clear.”

What was your highlight this year?

Morenike Adebayo @applepiechart And the Mountains Echoed by Khaled Hosseini

#2013reads

Zena Jarjis ‫@ ‏‬zenajarjis Dept. of Speculation

by Jenny Offill

#2013reads

Angus Quinn

I wasn’t going to be able to take this book seriously. I read on, struggling to concentrate.

By the end of the prologue, Charlie’s in hospital because she’s fallen off her horse, and she decides to never ride again. So by the third page, I’ve already worked out the “dark shadow from her past,” which prevents her from falling for Felipe to which the blurb alludes. With the big reveal out of the way before the story even started, I completely lost interest. Even the constant ellipses were not enough to hold my attention, so, with nothing left to hook me, I gave up on In The Name Of Love after three pages.

Zena Jarjis

Nick Ashwin @ashwinsays

Flashman (1969) by George MacDonald Fraser. Hilarious stuff.

#2013reads

Tweet us @yorkvisionbooks

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Technology

Top tech tweet of the week:

10 Nov TechCrunch @TechCrunch Apple Reportedly Developing Large Curved Screen iPhones For Late 2014, Better Touchscreen Sensors

Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag Review With a moderate opening title in the series, Assassin’s Creed has gone on to become Ubisoft’s biggest success story (that’s right, even bigger than that old Rayman game you played the hell out of). Gamers can immerse themselves in a world filled with a rich narrative, beautiful scenery to jump around in, and killing. Lots of killing. Yet, with the recent announcement to make the series an annual release, as well as a certain degree of backlash to AC III compared with previous titles, is there a worry that fans may drop ship? Not at all – in fact, stay on that ship and shoot the hell out of some other ones.

This time around, players take control of cocky protagonist Edward Kenway, grandfather to that of Connor Kenway, the previous lead role. The two of them lead completely different lives. Whilst Connor spent his time getting high on herbal tea and stabbing redcoats in the name of Washington, Edward spends his time raiding enemy ships for loot and sleeping with many a Caribbean courtesan (he’s unemployed, give the guy a break, eh?). He’s refreshing in his approach, feeling like a pick ’n’ mix of previous lead assassins. A good man at heart, but completely reckless, players see how his character begins to grow as his epic adventures intertwine with the life of the Creed.

His playpen ain’t so shabby either. Set in the Caribbean, 1715, Edward encapsulates himself in the Golden Age of Piracy, a violent yet exciting time in world history. From Renaissance Italy to Damascus, players have taken part in an epic adventure of ‘Around the World in 80+ Hours Gameplay’ since the year 2007. Ubisoft have been known for visiting locales to create the best representation possible – that’s completely evident here. The vast oceans, the dense jungles, the metropolitan cities. I’m in my

own pixelated world here, but it couldn’t feel more realised, even topping AC III’s impressive feats.

Now, I have to pick bits with this, as I feel the story may be the weakest part of the game. Sure, those concerned with the history and characters of this time period will be pleased. However, you don’t find yourself particularly interested in the main game, proving it to be more of an effort in completing these missions as opposed to side quests. However, the ‘present day’ events concerned with Desmond take a great turn, focusing more on Abstergo’s side of events. Their office has a Microsoft feel about it… interpret how you will.

All I could think of when I watched Jack Sparrow clashing swords on screen was “Why does Johnny Depp get all the fun?” Now, you finally get a piece of the action. With a mixture of land, sea exploration and combat, gameplay doesn’t go stale. From running across rooftops and the merciless fighting we remember, to striding across the oceans in the Jackdaw, diving into undiscovered caverns for treasure and wrestling the bajeezus out of sharks. Your crew even sings sea shanties for an authentic feel… sadly not the Spongebob Squarepants theme tune.

Pirates, in one way or another, have steadily become a popular part of mainstream culture, except video games.

They’re everywhere except video games. Well, me mateys, I’m going to put a cannonball into that statement right now.

This latest addition to Assassin’s Creed doesn’t just revitalise this bloated series – it reconceptualises the pirate in gaming.

So, is it a pirate’s life for you?

Adrian Horan

2013 Rivals: iPhone or Samsung Galaxy?

Was the smartphone market turned on its head with the debut of the iPhone 5s in September?

There are noticeable distinctions, for the iPhone, its incomparable apps, accessories and media support attracts a host of customers. In addition, it’s easy to handle, since pressing the home button means that users can navigate easily to different apps, giving it a user-friendly quality. The iPhone 5s’s home button has also been updated, with a new function called Touch ID, utilising fingerprint technology.

By contrast, Samsung, with a high performance to price ratio and a larger-sized screen, is a worthy competitor. Owing to its wide range of products, customers are able to pick a phone from a suitable price range. The diversity offered by Samsung makes it a pronounced rival for Apple, with the many different models all offering various advantages for customers; even simple things like a keyboard.

Hence, its target users can be quite extensive. Moreover, the Galaxy S4’s integrated 13-megapixel camera is especially appealing to users. But its dissatisfactory UX design distances itself from masses of customers.

Have you decided which handset to buy? Will you eat a bite of Apple and be deeply allured? Or try an ergonomically designed Samsung? Whatever your choice, it should be a smart one!

Apple Mavericks: No such thing as a free OS X upgrade?

The release of the tenth installment in the series of Apple’s OS X operating system, ‘Mavericks’, on October 22nd marked a turning point for all Mac users.

Macintosh Software and OS upgrades will now be free for the foreseeable future; “the days of spending hundreds of dollars to get the most from your computer are gone,” says Apple’s Craig Federighi.

Yet once you upgrade to Mavericks it becomes less of a surprise that it is free, as there are only very minimal changes to the desktop interface; for example, the ability to colour code your documents through ‘Tags’. With Mavericks there are two new free stand-alone apps. The first, iBooks, is essentially a glorified eBook marketplace, yet for the budding E L James there is also the free iBooks Author app available on the Mac App Store.

The second, Maps, is similar to Google maps in the ability to present either a satellite or simplified view, but the app also has sync functionality with Calendar

and the computer’s address book.

This strategy was perhaps introduced as a counterbalance to the high cost of the company’s hardware in relation to cheaper PCs. Apple’s free upgrade offers a direct challenge to Microsoft’s Windows 8, which sets you back £70 for the hard copy on Amazon. The new Microsoft Office 2013 is also not cheap, costing around £100 compared to Apple’s equivalent apps, Pages, Numbers and Keynote altogether costing only £42. Microsoft will most likely delay the Mac version of Office 2013, but instead they should make it available at a reduced price to compete with the iWork Apps.

Although Microsoft still dominates the market in desktop computers, it’s obviously less to do with the price of its software but its pervasiveness through its software licensing agreements with manufacturers such as Dell, HP and Acer.

Barto Joly de Lotbiniere

Doris Xu

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

York Uni on Stage: 2013 If I had to choose a single word to describe our student theatre of 2013, it would have to be… varied. With the year’s performances laid out before me begging scrutiny, it really is striking just how much York’s drama community has managed to get done in a single year.

The Drama Barn alone has covered an impressive scope of performances, managing to include classic masterpieces, such as Arthur Miller’s The Crucible, as well as having the usual refreshing collection of youthborn plays such as Mungo Tatton-Brown’s Writer’s Circle and That Face by Polly Strenham. Reviews have ranged from gushing praise of “incredible, stand-out and absolutely fearless” performances to condemning scripts as “limited and simple”, but I truly believe that the undeniable scope of diversity sweetens the wonderfully unpredictable character of what lies beyond those well-known and beloved purple doors.

The danger in considering the year in terms of 2013 as opposed to the academic

year is of course the change of faces on stage. Actors are evidently what makes or breaks a performance, but the consistent quality of DramaSoc performances survived the summer holidays with clear vigour. The blend of plays helps too. The Drama Barn’s character is what I believe solidifies its success, and I am sure that it will continue to do so into 2014.

It is of course also important to remember that The Drama Barn is not all that there is to our experiences of Stage at York. ComedySoc have had an absolutely roaring year; with shows from their annually packed Wentworth Comedy Festival, to joining forces with our Lancastrian foes for a light-hearted pre-Roses Comedy Jam, they have been consistently lauded as “astounding” and “outrageously funny”.

A performance most definitely worth noting would be that of their recent venture, Have I Got News for York, “a fairly seamless imitation of the show it’s based off ” which provided an undeniably topical and “hilari-

ous” fulfilment of the aim of “poking fun at the news as delivered by York’s Student Media”. The discussions ranged from “a more philosophical debate than perhaps had been intended” to Vision’s own “hard-hitting journalism” to deductions about “student prostitutes”, and so coupled with “intelligent and flawless direction throughout”, this was obviously made as one of ComedySoc’s clear successes.

Clearly, my comment on the year being varied is definitely not one to be taken in an at all pejorative sense: variation is the key to what is a wonderfully colourful and quality theatrical community at The University of York.

2013 has been an all-round success on stage, and there is absolutely nothing suggesting that that may change at any point in the future. As long as there is a demand for funny, intriguing, clever or light-hearted entertainment, our student performers are sure to deliver.

Theatre yule love!

It is undeniably coat weather; John Lewis adverts are much more likely to make you cry than usual, and humdrum food wrappers are adorned with Santa and snowflakes.

It’s Christmas.

What we now know and love as British pantomime originated in Italy, with commedia dell’arte – mask wearing, traveling street actors improvising fearlessly humorous performances. The medium has undergone massive transformation over the centuries that followed, from the intertwining of commedia approaches with the utilisation of music and myths to the introduction of the role of the pantomime dame in Victorian Britain, which marked perhaps the most notable transformative shift in panto’s evolution.

Berwick Kaler, veteran pantomime dame and recipient of an honorary degree from The University of York, writes, directs and stars in Aladdin and the Twankeys this season. It debuts at York Theatre Royal on December 12th and marks Kaler’s 35th year in York panto. The production promises to be

both a roaring success and the embodiment of true British pantomime tradition. Kaler’s pantomimes draw crowds nationwide and begin selling out to the masses as early as April!

Kaler has come to epitomise this approach to the genre, the tradition of pantomime, and rejects further transformation of the performance art form, attributing any decline in interest in panto productions to those relying increasingly on celebrity inclusion and lewdness, productions which he asserts to The Independent: “deserve to die”. Though his productions are surreal departures, a far cry from the original tales, he goes on to express the importance of connection with the entirety of his audience, of everyone being in on the joke.

But pantomime by nature undergoes constant renewal and development, hence the diversity of family-friendly shows coming to York this winter. Take your pick from the following...

First, there’s what may be described as

The Drama Barn this term...

the antithesis to Kaler’s approach to the genre. The Grand Opera House’s modern, celebrity pantomime Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs, starring Emmerdale and Hollyoaks cast members Adele Silva and Rob McVeigh alongside high-profile theatre regulars, premieres on December 13th.

Robin Simpson’s Cinderella, a pantomime classic, premiering on December 7th is set to be performed in York Theatre Royal’s ballroom. Greatly complemented by this apt, beautiful choice of setting, it is sure to be dazzling. Prepare to be “swept along by the magic and mystery” of this perhaps more serious take on Christmas theatre.

So, why not support the tradition and spend an hour or two in a world of fairy tales, comedy and music this Christmas? If anything’s going to get you in the Christmas spirit, it’s panto.

Yes it is.

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MUSIC FILM FEATURE TV BOOKS TECH STAGE SPOTLIGHT

SPOTLIGHT : Li s s i e

L

The Fleetwood Mac of our generation chats to Leon Morris and Patrick Greenfield

issie’s husky, Midwestern tones have found an unlikely home in the United Kingdom. The fair haired, blue eyed singer from the banks of the Mississippi River signed to Colombia in 2007 and her first album Catching a Tiger went gold in the United Kingdom three years later. Though unable to win the hearts and minds of Britain’s pioneering hipsters, her critically acclaimed second studio album Back to Forever is a must for those concerned with the emotional substance of human existence.

Speaking to Vision from a freezing Stockholm, the passionate American discussed dream chasing in LA, the cult of celebrity in popular culture and her love for Britain.

Aged 21, Lissie left university and moved to LA in search of a record deal. “I don’t know if that’s still the thing to do. I mean, I grew up in Illinois. I started writing songs and playing guitar. When I moved to LA, it was naive of me. I don’t think I really knew how to make it. I guess I’d seen it in the movies and thought I should move to LA and get a record deal. Kind of naively, I did that. I was fortunate. I was so naive that I didn’t ever doubt that it was the right thing to do so I went at it full force. But now I’m not sure. In this day and age especially with home studios and indie labels and the internet, there’s a lot you can do without needing to do the clichéd thing of moving to LA and scoring a record deal.”

Lost in the greyness of university life, the singer-songwriter chose to focus on her singing. “At the time, I really didn’t know what else to focus on so I was taking really general courses. There was a part of me that felt like the money my parents were spending was going to waste. I’m one of four so it was expensive for my parents. Inside of spending money on me drinking beer, skiing and not really going to my classes, I asked them to support me for a year in LA and if it doesn’t work out, I’ll go back to college. Don’t get me wrong, I really liked learning. I liked school and I had a lot of fun. I wish I could have done both and maybe I will go back to college at some point as an older person, just to learn more about the world around me. I wouldn’t tell anybody to drop out of college.“

“I’m complicated. I’m a lot of things. You can’t really say Garret Lee is me. He’s part of one thing that I have done and I am currently promoting.

Hopefully in a year from now I’ll be making another record that will sound more like my live show and a bit more positive.”

Lissie’s latest album Back to Forever is produced by Garret ‘Jacknife’ Lee, the artist responsible for mixing timeless records from Snow Patrol, R.E.M and Weezer. “His hand and his mind have a firm stamp on this album. But I also think that the songwriting is reflective of where my head was at in the two years. Also, some of the songs I played live with my band. So the band informs the sound. I’m complicated.

I’m a lot of things. You can’t really say Garret Lee is me.

He’s part of one thing that I have done and I am currently promoting. Hopefully in a year from now I’ll be making another record that will sound more like my live show and a bit more positive. I do so many different things depending on my mood and who I’m working with.”

Appearing on breakfast TV recently, the American discussed the meaning behind the song ‘Shameless’. Its chorus is a passionate criticism of the cult of celebrity: “I don’t want to be famous if I have to be shameless, if you don’t know what my name is, so what?”

“It’s not really about any one person. I don’t want to single out anyone who’s successful in the pop world. I think that pop artists are just filling a role for the media and the population who want to be shocked, entertained and not re-

ally think too much. In the year I was writing the record, I was frustrated by the game I thought I had to play. It goes back to me needing to tie up who I am in a nice little package so I could be marketed properly. Or needing to be one thing to people, be a politician, schmooze and social climb. You know? I was frustrated that this world I was trying to live in did not have anything to do with music. It was about being cool, being attractive and being charming.”

Celebrated for reportedly not wearing makeup, Lissie was keen to challenge her hippie caricature.

“I was frustrated that this world I was trying to live in did not have anything to do with music.”

“That’s not even 100% true. I’ve been in Norway and because of the cold, my skin is so chapped. On TV I told them to cover up my face. I wear makeup from time to time. I want to be attractive to men. Not because I’m vain, just because it’s my biological human-nature primitive instinct to find a mate. It’s not that I don’t give a shit how I look. I care about how I look a little bit, but how I look is not what my music is. I’m not really very done up - maybe that is my image. I feel like if I did want to wear makeup, it wouldn’t suddenly create a conversation about my music because the two things shouldn’t be put together. I try not to think about it

that much.”

“A lot of the best music in the world has come from the UK. Whenever I’m there, I wonder what it is about England that has created such a high percentage of the world’s best musicians. I really don’t know what it is. There’s just something about you guys. You just turn out really prolific, phenomenal musicians.”

“The fact you have national radio and national TV programs that go out to the entire country isn’t something we have in the states. There’s no Radio 1 or Radio 2 in the US.

“A lot of the best music in the world has come from the UK.” For someone trying to break into the UK, getting A-listed means that you have such a broad reach. You can get to so many people so quickly. Maybe in the US you can’t cover as much ground unless you have a huge machine behind you.”

Lissie’s commitment to making good music is evident in the diversity of her work, it’s hard to categorise the dreamy Midwestern singer.

“I think I’ve got a really great voice, I think I’m a nice person and I work hard. Everything I sing about and write is true, it’s really personal and I’m really passionate. We don’t use backing tracks or computers, we get on stage and we make music with our hands. That’s important to me. I hope that continues to be something people are interested in.”

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YORK VISION

FEATURES

Tuesday November 19th, 2013

Humans of York

Inspired by Brandon Stanton’s popular website, humans of New York, a photographic catalogue of the inhabitants of New York City. ZENA JARIS, OONA VENERMO and CALLUM SHANNON scoured the campus of old York armed with a camera and a notepad to find the great and good of York. Here’s who they encountered:

“There is almost a forceful need to write something down on paper that I can feel inside.”

“I’m the the Monster Raving Looney Party’s shadow justice minister.”

“Seann Walsh, famous comedian, what is your favourite way to eat potatoes?”

“I used to want to be a teacher.

I’d break aerials off radios to use as pointers..”

Where would you like to be in 10 years?

What’s interesting about you?

Tell me a funny story.

What did you used to want to be?

“In 10 years’ time, I want to be still writing, whether as a job or as a hobby or even both, I wouldn’t mind at all. To rediscover something so intense, to be given a space for my work to be performed in front of or read by so many - this is what has made my 2013. To be still doing this in 10 years, I’m applying for graduate jobs and internships now, I’ll continue to write and I’ll continue to read.”

“Well, I have to say I don’t like questions of that sort, because the answers they tend to elicit are so often trivial anticlimaxes. If however you were to ask me about my political inclinations, I would eagerly reveal my position as the Monster Raving Loony Party’s Shadow Minister for Justice.”

“Well ok. So this one time, for University Radio York (cheeky plug!) I interviewed Seann Walsh after his YUSU comedy night.

I rocked up to find him drinking at a bar.

He said during his cigarette break he would have an interview with me.

I hadn’t prepared any questions, so asked him the following: “Sean Walsh, famous comedian, what is your favourite way to eat potatoes?” As it turns out, he likes jacket potatoes, eaten with a plastic knife and fork at a service station.

Also I asked, “If you could, which celebrity would you eat and why?” He answered Danny Devito and then proceeded to do an impression of him. Rather worringly, he said that he’d keep him alive while he ingested and digested him. With some form of drug.”

“I used to want to be a teacher. I’d break arials off radios to use as pointers..

Why do you love writing?

“Writing is very cathartic for me. There is almost a forceful need to write something down on paper that I can feel inside, to make it a physical entity. Like most writers, I fell in love with books at a very early age, and those stories inspire me to write my own. It just took me some time to figure that out.”

What’s your most treasured posession?

“From a shortlist that contains knowledge, my humanity, and the power of speech, I would nominate to the fore my capacity for languor.

Most embarrassing moment?

“Arriving at university not equipped with a tea set; the one time I wore a polyester cravat; in fact, any occasion on which I have failed the art of dressing.”

What are you proudest of from the last year?

“I was awarded Most Improved Player in lacrosse last year, despite having the coordination skills of a coconut...”

Where do you hope to be in ten years time?

“Hopefully a couple of years into my first proper job, after having spent most of my twenties travelling around the world, evading the inevitable sacrifice of my life to my career.”

What’s your most treasured atribute?

“My ginger hair. Ha!”

In light of the recent announcement of McBusted, the coming together of McFly and BustedVision’s Features team began musing on other potentially brilliant supergroups. Here’s what ZENA JARJIS, ANGUS QUINN and TOM DAVIES came up with...

Vision’s Fantasy Supergroups

1) The Other Ones 2) YUSUper group

3) 30 seconds to Bruno Mars

1) Michelle Williams, Sarah Harding and Mel B. They were the ones you always forgot, always in the shadows of the likes of Beyonce and Cheryl Cole. When you talk about Destiny’s Child or The Spice Girls, you refer to them as ‘The Other One’. Well, they’ll show you! With this much talent between them, none of them will leave to pursue a solo career.

2) Kallum will have to stop running for YUSU President one day, and when that day comes, we’re hoping for a YUSUper Group. Cass Brown can be Sporty Spice, Daniel Whitmore Ginger Spice, George Offer Posh Spice, Anna McGicern Baby Spice, and Kallum Taylor Scarfy Spice. We’ve got our fingers crossed for a cover of Ye5terday by The Beatles.

3) Can you imagine two acts better suited for each other? While 30 Seconds To Mars are declaring war, Bruno Mars can catch all the grenades. This super group would finally bridge the divide amongst 14 year old girls by providing a style of music palpable to both the angsty and bubble-gum pop demographics, cornering the market.

18 FEATURES

YORK VISION Tuesday November 19, 2013

meet the (student) parents

ZENA JARJIS looks at the problems facing student parents and talks to Beth Child, University of York student and mother...

W

hen I was younger, my mum went back to university to finish her degree while raising me and my sister, and she advised me to get a degree before starting a family. I always got the impression that being a parent and being a student don’t go hand in hand.

Everyone thinks a lot about the financial side of being a student parent, and there is no doubting that there is plenty of financial support for people who want to study while raising a family.

Under the ‘student parents’ section of York University’s website, there’s information on student funding, bursaries, scholarships, tuition fees, coping with debt, budgeting advice, employment issues, benefits, tax credits, emergency loans, and hardship funds, as well as a link to The Online Money Guide. You’d be forgiven for thinking that the only issues facing student parents are money-related.

Being a parent is a full-time job, and a student with children is never going to have as much spare time as a student without children. But what is the University doing to help student parents with issues of time? And how easy is it for those with children to enage fully with student life?

I spoke to one of York’s student parents, Beth Child, about how she juggles raising her children with studying a full-time degree and what the University is doing to help her.

Beth agrees that there is sufficient financial support available for student parents, explaining “I get help from student finance for childcare which means I don’t have to work and there is an extra grant called a hardship fund that I can apply for if I’m financially struggling. They also offer small financial support through the summer too which I don’t know if I’m eligible for yet but it’s good

89% of student parents are below the age of 25 Only 11% of mature students get involved with a club or society at university they have it there for low income families.”

However, beyond this, Beth says that “no exceptions are made for students with children.” She goes on to say “I get mild anxiety going to seminars as I don’t feel like I’ve been able to prepare properly and I’m scared of using the ‘I’ve got children card’. Having children is a full time job and I think perhaps there should be exceptions. I struggle with either not being prepared or the guilt that I’ve not had much time for

my children during the week and they too have their homework and reading I must do with them. It’s a juggling act that I hope I’ll get better at.”

Having children at university will undoubtedly affect a parent’s social life, and Beth agrees, saying “I hardly ever get to go out for nights out as I have no family here to help with the children.” With children who need to go to bed and wake up early and require constant supervision, how can parents engage with a

student population which relies largely on nights out to socialise?

I asked Beth if this is true and if she ever feels isolated from the rest of the student population.

She says “Having children does make me feel different from other students and a little isolated. It’s hard to make the same bonds with other students as I don’t live on campus and unfortunately I can’t get involved with much outside of University.” There don’t seem to be any opportunities for student parents to socialise with each other, either, as Beth tells me, “I

she has children, although there have been some exceptions. She says “I did have a bad experience on my foundation year when I told a tutor I was really struggling and all I got back was ‘well I did it as a single parent’. That didn’t help at all and in fact made me very anxious about her subject and lectures.”

I asked Beth what the best thing about being a student parent is, “I don’t think there is a best thing about being a student parent. I would never recommend it, I’m pleased I get the chance to

“I would never recommend it. I’m pleased I get the chance to return to education but it would have been much better to have done this at 18 with no children.” don’t spend time with other student parents. I’ve considered setting up a group for other student parents but for me I like trying to keep the two separate. I do have a friend with children and that’s about the only parent network I have and I like it that way.”

She continues “Having children has definitely stopped me from engaging fully in student life. I am so jealous of the students who can get involved in all the amazing extra societies here at the University.”

However, Beth does say that on the whole, the University has been supportive of the fact that

return to education but it would have been much better to have done this at 18 with no children.

It is really hard with children. I guess the best thing about being a student parent is the reminder everyday of why I’m doing this.

My children keep me going.”

She continues “I struggle massively and friends of mine do too.

It’s hard to manage your time when you have children. They can become sick and you lose a couple of days. I had to write one of my first essays with a 2 year old with a chest infection laid across my lap crying the whole time. You just have to get on and do it!”

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday November 19 2013

Page 19- Warm winter wear Page 20 -Our Winter Beauty Makeover Page 21 - Food, Glorious Food Page 22- Blind Date & Tom Davies’ Diary Page 23-A Different Lifestyle: Christmas Special

Baby it’s cold outside..

FASHION

It’s the infuriating contradiction that every shivering style fan has to deal with: the colder it gets, the more glamorous our partywear has to become.

Fortunately, we’ve found the perfect outfit to keep you warm and looking fierce as the freezing winter nights draw in. Team a patterned leather dress with a fur lined cape to keep warm and look chic without risking losing your body in layers. Add sequined boots for snug but chic feet, and add a piece of statement jewellery like this emerald necklace, and top the whole look with these enticing earings to add a glamour glow.

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HOT! M&S Glamour Rosie Huntingdon-Whiteley has taken us through Wonderland to the Emerald City alongisde Helena Bonhham-Carter for the Marks and Spencers Christmas advert.

We love the luxury lingerie range for Autograph.

WHAT?!

Sainsbury's shambles

Sainsbury’s initially gave a £10 voucher to the Taylor family after a colony of the world’s most venomous Brazilian wandering spiders (according to Guinness World Records)hatched out of their bunch of bananas. Sainsbury’s have since paid for the fumigation of their house and apologized.

NOT!

Netflix Fatigue!

As the cold nights make going out more and more unappealing, we’re struggling to work out just what to watch on Netflix nowadays. We tried installing American Netflix but we mostly spend our evenings endlessly scrolling through all the shows and half watching about 4. Bring back live TV we say!

Leather Painted Dress £155 topshop.com

Camel Fur Hooded Buckle Ruffles Cape Coat £87 sheinside.com

Gold Sequin Ankle Boots £16 New Look

PAMELA LOVE Bronze And Turquoise Spike Drop Earring £215 SSense.com

Rosantica Raissa Jade Necklace £448 matchesfashion. com

Jo Barrow

20LIFESTYLE//BEAUTY

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19 2013

SPARKLE & SHIMMER The lights have already long adorned the streets of York and our favourite beauty and fragrance counters are joining in the fun with an excess of special offers and glittering goodies. Housemates are already compiling shopping lists that are more organised than my seminar notes. With the season moving into full swing, we decided to give ourselves a festive makeover and make an attempt to cover up the effects of the darker late nights ready for Christmas parties. Be the girl in the red dress and accessorize with tinsel and bling, or just work the look in your onesie…

LIPS The mega moisturising Colour Crush lipstick in Spice Things Up brightened up a rainy day for us Saturday shoppers and boasts impressively long lasting colour. Amongst the counters of Fenwick’s you will find the treasured Mac counter of York; well worth the trip for the most vibrant and transformational colours and textures around. We love legendary drag queen and pop culture icon RuPaul’s ‘outspoken’ burgundy red lip colour for Mac, Viva Glam, re-launched for the first time since 1994 with proceeds going towards those affected by and living with HIV and Aids. We adore Santa’s lip scrub from Lush to renew delicate skin and get you colour ready.

EYES We were impressed by ethical treats from the Body Shop near Evil Eye for les yeux; the new eye palettes in 01 Smoky Brown and 02 Smoky Plum had the power to transform a traditional smoky eye into something more glam.

Head to Zest on Market Street for an alternative to Chanel’s glittery eyes as modelled by Lindsey Wixson, and Dior’s bejewelled false eyelashes to find the cheapest, maddest lashes and an abundance of sparkly pots. Go mad with glitter this season, it’s Christmas, after all! Mac’s pots of pigment really hit the spot and they last for ages too, or you can chase a bargain at Barry M for some sparkle.

SKIN To conceal the ravages of nights out, the Lightening Touch concealer from the Body Shop offers a student-budget friendly alternative to Yves Saint Laurent’s infamous Touché Éclat. Lush Lustre Dusting Powder is a tenner and can give an all over glow with subtle golden pigment, and their gift sets are creatively wrapped if you fancy picking up some presents whilst you’re on Coney Street.

SCENT If you are looking for party perfume or the perfect scented gift for your nearest and dearest, look to the winners of the prestigious FiFi Awards sponsored by the Fragrance Foundation – guaranteed enticing aromas are 2011’s winner Guilty by Gucci or 2012’s victor, Tom Ford Violet Blonde.

If extreme indulgence fits the bill alongside mince pies and mulled wine, look back to the champion of 1979, Opium by YSL. Walk into the wonderland of the Yorkshire Soap Company for cupcake shaped patisserie soap and bath truffle stocking fillers, wonderland visual merchandising and a final assault on your senses.

Maddi Howell

Do you have an eye for fashion? Are you crazy about culture? Fanatical about food? Get involved with our Lifestyle section! Email lifestyle@yorkvision.co.uk to find out how!

LIFESTYLE//FOOD

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19 2013

Christmas at the Quinn’s

REVIEW: Rustique

C

hristmas is the time of year to throw common sense out of the kitchen and give yourself over to indulging for a bit.

It’s cold, you need to eat more and also you’re cocooned with your family in the snugness of home for the holidays and won’t see anyone who might judge you for pigging out… just a little bit.

One of my family’s favourite traditions is the Gingerbread House. You’d think we’d been attempting to build the Great Pyramids of Giza or something, considering the kitchen looks like a building sight once we’re done with it. Admittedly we do normally cheat and get a kit, rather than going to the lengths of making our own gingerbread, but having the gingerbread ready-made does not make the task any easier. For a start, icing is the worst possible glue ever, why anyone thinks it’s capable of holding a house together is a mystery. We end up slathering the gingerbread together and then an unlucky member of the family is left holding it tenaciously in place for a few hours.

Once it’s structurally sound you can have fun decorating it. Of course, once that’s done, we have the awkward hurdle of getting it to Grandma’s, which is the equivalent of taking a wrecking ball to the thing and starting all over again.

The Gingerbread House is hardly the only dessert we’ve ever attempted at home for Christmas though. There’s always a Christmas pudding (set on fire, naturally), mince pies (classic), normally some cheeky chocolate for yours truly (because really, who wants a fruit pudding at Christmas?) and then if anyone is still sitting upright and hasn’t dived for a sofa and Christmas TV, there’s coffee. An honourable dessert mention does go to the one-time Vienetta (looked lovely but had frozen solid, clearly Walls has the edge on us for not delivering tooth-shattering desserts).

Once Christmas Eve rolls around I have to start running the gauntlet in the kitchen to get a drink from the fridge.

While Mum helms the actual dinner, Dad also tends to lend a hand at prep in the kitchen. Thanks to the wonderful design of our kitchen, the entire nerve centre of pots, pans, plates, glasses, cupboards and the fridge are concentrated in the same corner of the room. This causes havoc when my sister’s added to the mix because the four of us are competing to access the same point of the kitchen. It’s a hazardous business indeed and I tend to avoid trying to cook altogether, instead resorting to playing delivery boy when food’s done on the big day and taking it through to the dining room.

Christmas isn’t completely about tradition though. There’s a world of innovation, especially when it comes to turkey left-overs. Turkey’s a lot less fatty than chicken and is a wonderful basis for a myriad of meals between Christmas and New Year. My Dad, as the resident gastronomy guy of the family, tends to supervise where our surplus turkey is allocated. Some goes to turkey, bacon and avocado sandwiches, some to a blazingly hot Thai or Indian curry, depending on what paste he fancies knocking up, and then if there’s any left over, I get some and normally whack it on a homemade pizza with sweetcorn – delish!

Angus Quinn

21

I

Jim Dee samples the delights of traditional French bistro Rustique

t was once the case that every town had a half decent French bistro, but due to modern trends and fewer people eating out, many have shut.

Happily, Rustique restaurant is still going strong and, with a full house on a chilly Wednesday night, should still be with us for many years to come. With tables close together and a fairly small dining room, it’s impossible not to feel welcomed and warmed by the atmosphere.

The smell of garlic and parsley pervades the room, and apart from the slightly naff fake flower adorning each table, everything looked good.

We order a Leffe each and browse the

menu. The set menu is one of the cheapest I’ve come across in York - £12.95 for two courses or £14.95 for three.

I start with chicken liver pâté, blushing pink and served with onion marmalade and bread. The pâté itself is very good, perfectly seasoned and although ever so slightly grainy, smooth enough to satisfy your indulgent side.

The classic French dishes were done so well, you’ll never look at a stuffed pepper again.

The onion marmalade was tangy enough to cut the richness and the herb oil had a short, sharp, garlicky punch. The bread it was served with was a slightly disappointing baguette and, as far as I’m concerned, there is no need to drizzle balsamic glaze all over the plate, but as starters go, this was very good.

My companion was given an extremely limited (read: chosen for her) menu. No-one had taken note of the fact that she was vegan despite being told a few days before. The green salad with potatoes, French beans and olives was a little watery, although the

effort was there.

The mustard dressing stole the show.

For the main I completely disregarded my partner’s dietary preferences and had steak-frites, rare with garlic butter. Such a simple dish, and executed admirably.

Crispy chips, dead on rare steak and another wave of garlic, perfect.

The vegan risotto had a thoughtful medley of well-cooked vegetables and a nice background flavour of good vegetable stock. This would have been a great dish had the rice been cooked properly, but it was underdone and a little chewy, and so ended up being our least favourite plate overall.

Rustique is a great value restaurant that does some really fantastic dishes. For a meat-eater, it’s easily one of the better places to eat in York.

Rillettes, confits and great steaks feature on the menu, and two courses for £12.95 is a steal. For vegetarians and vegans, make doubly sure the restaurant is fully aware of your food preferences before going or you won’t experience the best Rustique has to offer, or even better yet, start eating meat again.

The classic French dishes were done so well, you’ll never look at a stuffed pepper again.

Jim Dee

Recipe: Reni’s sticky gingerbread cake Full of rich flavours and festive flair, this gingerbread cake is the perfect treat for Christmas. Spiced with ginger and cinnamon, it’s delicious on its own or with custard or cream.

Ingredients 115g margarine, 100g caster sugar, 1 egg, 175g golden syrup, 200g plain flour, 3/4 teaspoon salt, 3/4 teaspoon bicarbonate of soda, 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger, 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon, 25ml water Preheat oven to 180 C/Gas Mark 4. Grease and lightly flour one 20cm square baking tin.

Cream the margarine and sugar until light. Add the egg and golden syrup and beat thoroughly.

Sieve together the flour, salt, bicarbonate of soda, ground ginger and ground cinnamon.

Bring the water to the boil then add alternately with the flour mixture to the creamed mixture, beating well after each addition. Pour the batter into a prepared tin.

Bake at 180 C/Gas Mark 4 for 35 to 40 minutes. Serve warm and enjoy.

Morenike Adebayo

Winter warmers we love

Mulled cider at the St Nicholas Fayre, this will definitely warm your cockles from the 28th November on Parliament Street!

Who doesn’t love a kinky doughnut? Move over cronuts, we in York have our own steaming bags of deliciousness at only £2 outside M&S!

Goji takeaway: spicy delights including pakoras, samosas and bajis await at Goji - the spices are sure to heat up your tastebuds. Our personal favourite is the £4 mushroom burger.

22 LIFESTYLE//BLIND DATE @TomDavies111

Davies’ Diaries

Blind Date

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19 2013

I’m going to try a little experiment here, It’s been a crazy week for us at Blind Date this issue; our very own Cilla Black, Milo Boyd, let me know if it works. I’m going to at- wanted us to set him up with a beautiful woman. So we had to take the reins and thrust tempt to get through this entire column, printed in this newspaper’s last edition him into the waiting embrace of petite PantSoc member Emy Martyn. Was it an “Oh yes they before the holiday season, without men- did!” or an “Oh no they didn’t!” for our brooding Music editor and the blonde extrovert? tioning Christmas. I do this, not just out Read on to find out! of a desire to be generally edgy and contrarian, but because ultimately, it’s all been said before. Yes, I could lace this What’s the first thing you noticed about them? column with trite jokes about CostcutI noticed his hair and that he was wearing a jacket and shirt. ter playing Slade or Wizzard on their in She is very attractive. She shook my hand instead of hugging me. store radio in mid-November, but you’ll have heard such a thing a million and What did you talk about? one times prior. So instead, I’ll channel We talked about where we came from, what we were studying, what we Monty Python and say, here’s something Religion, God, politics, movies, Kent (we are from the same place), wanted to be, travelling, and then moved on to the conversations you her ex boyfriend. completely different. shouldn’t talk about on a date: religion, politics and exes.

I’ll admit, I didn’t really have a clue Any awkward moments? about what I was going to write for this edition. So when I spent a spare few There were a couple at the beginning, but conversation quickly minutes eating a packet of crisps in the When the waiter came and talked to us for five minutes. I also had a really warm face for the entire time. picked up.

Vanbrugh College car park on Tuesday, I

Milo on Emy

Emy on Milo

was in the vein of desperately clutching What were they wearing? at straws for inspiration, when suddenly my eye was caught by a plastic cup about A jumper dress with leaf patterns, tights, nice green heeled shoes, Black jacket, dark shirt, dark jeans, dark purple brogues. one fifth full of beer on the floor by the red scarf, black coat. bins. I stared at this intently for some What did you eat? time, desperately trying to milk some contrived allegory for my column.

I ate the Mango and Lime chicken burger with the black bean side salAn avocado salad. I did not enjoy it.

I’ve always found such sights faintly ad, and it was nice, not great. unsettling. It’s like going to Willow and running into your Seminar Tutor. The Best thing? two worlds, the professional (ish) working The best thing was discovering we came from the same area in Kent, Her hair. day and the drunken night should ne’er and having a cup of tea on his roof be seen to mix. But I suppose in some Did you go on anywhere? way, that mostly empty glass of warm, flat beer does make a passing statement Up Clifford’s Tower to watch the fireworks, then to Trembling MadYes, we went to Clifford’s Tower to catch some fireworks, then to on the state of the term. ness, then to my house to drink beer. We dressed up, her as a US Navy House of Trembling Madness for a strawberry beer, then a couple of Every term at University, to my mind, person and me as a Mexican chav. beers at his house with his housemates (who I knew!) can be compared to one big night out. The first few weeks of every term is the pre If you met in Willow, would you go home together? drinks, getting into the swing of things. I wouldn’t be able to approach someone like her in Willow. If you’re I don’t think so.

The middle is the party itself, and now, asking whether I’d sleep with her, the answer is yes. as we draw towards the end, we’re in the hangover phase; the morning after the Did you end on a hug, a kiss or more? night before.

Home for a university student is a A hug. I think there was a time when I could have kissed her, A hug! slightly muddled concept. We live as wanbut it passed. dering nomads, caught inexorably between a traditional idea of home, where our families reside and where we grew Did you exchange numbers? up, and here. The great battles of our lives over the next few years will be fought on York soil, be them academic, societal or No, but she added me on Facebook.

No, but we chat on Facebook! personal, whether you like it or not.

I’ll admit I’ve never had much affinity for where I come from. Despite once Marks out of 10?

Marks out of 10? opining that the only things to do in Cheltenham Spa are drink cider and throw Nandos gets a 2/10 (I’m 8/10 turnips at the moon, it is a lovely town, vegetarian!), but Emy truly, and I’m grateful to it for shaping gets a 10/10 due to her who I am today. But by now my returns general perfection. there only remind me of how much my life has moved on. The time I spend away from university and by extension my whole life place me in a kind of purgatory, going nowhere, locked in stasis until normal business is resumed. It’s good for a break and a spot of recuperation, but I would be lying if I told you I could really call it home.

So despite my best efforts to avoid tedious cliché by refusing to decorate my column with festive tinsel, I’m going to end up finishing with a painfully wellworn and faintly cringeworthy idiom.

Home it seems, really is where the heart is, and when I leave this freezing, windswept place in some weeks time for the green fields of South West England, I’ll Blind Date is kindly sponsored by Nando’s leave mine here, to beat until my return amongst the steeples and cobbled streets Milo and Emy both enjoyed the setting for a laid-back date of the city I call home.

For more of York Vision’s match-making misadventures visit: www.yorkvision.co.uk/lifestyle

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE//A DIFFERENT LIFESTYLE

Tuesday November 19 2013

23

Helena Horton talks to students about how they celebrate Christmas

A different Lifestyle...

Christmas special

Christmas is coming, the goose is getting fat... or the carp, or the ham or the curry depending on how you roll. To get us all in the festive spirit we interviewed some people from different cultures (Kav, a Hindu, Oona from Finland, Darya from Poland and Phillipe from the Democratic Republic of Congo) to find out how they celebrate the festive season. Merry Christmas one and all!

Hinduism

and new

traditions

Almonds and alcohol

in Finland

Carp in a

bath in Poland Clubbing

in the Congo

So, as we’re Hindu, we celebrate Diwali but on nowhere near the same scale as Christmas is celebrated.

It was just last weekend that I had to travel across the country to see my family. We have a prayer for about an hour in which we bathe all the statues of the Gods and feed them fruits and sweets (metaphorically). Then we all sing a hymn and light tealights all over the house (with complete disregard to fire safety regulations). We eat a ridiculous meal and light fireworks. The night normally ends with watching whichever Bollywood film is on the telly. We invite loads of people round - normally friends of mine and my brothers who like curry.

This Saturday we had 10 people. None were Hindu because they have their

own Diwali celebrations. Although Diwali is normally about 4 days long, we only celebrate the main day.

We don’t do presents.

Christmas is basically a meal for us but, as we don’t celebrate it, the whole family is rarely together. If we’re all in the same city then it’s likely my Dad takes extra shifts at work because he gets lots more money for it. My mum tends to go to India because the weather is nice. We don’t eat meat in our house and my family hasn’t caught onto gourmet non-Indian veg food. So there’s a bit of a shit pasta

with Yorkshire puddings and mushroom soup. No presents. We just watch TV. I haven’t been in the UK for Christmas for two years and this year I’m abroad again. Christmas in India was a ‘gourmet meal’ of eggless quiche. Indian Christmas is hilarious because brown people wear cotton wool on their face and give out balloons that say “Merry Christmas”.

This year it’ll be curry for Christmas in Delhi again. Yay.

ass Christmas dinner. First course is a selection of different kinds of fish and breads.

The main meal is usually a gammon joint accompanied with potatoes, carrots and the Finnish equivalent of the dreaded Brussels sprouts - beetroot mousse.

It honestly is just as hideous as it sounds.

A family tradition is to have a vodka shot (or two) between each course too, so by the time dessert rolls around, everyone is suitably merry and we end up throwing chocolates and plum puff pastries in our faces.

Then we open the presents. As a child living in Finland, Santa would come to my actual house and deliver the presents I’d asked for personally.

When we moved to England, my mother explained that Santa couldn’t possibly make it all around Finland AND England in one night, so that’s why we had to open the presents from him on Christmas Day. Then we all frolic off to bed trembling with anticipation, wake up on Christmas Day, open the presents from Santa and are dragged on the dreaded hangover family walk. Afterwards we loll in front of the TV with a bottle or three of champagne. Perfect.

First of all, Christmas Eve for us is more important than Christmas Day itself.

That day, you are not supposed to eat at all or you eat very little until the first star is in the sky. This is when the whole family gathers around the table and the Christmas Eve dinner begins.

At the table we always leave a spare plate and seat for an unannounced guest.

This also means that if ever someone would knock on your door that evening, you would invite them in and celebrate Christmas Eve with them. This seat can also serve as a reminder of those who were not able to join us on the evening and even those who are already dead.

We only eat vegetarian and fish dishes that day. The actual tradition is to buy

a live carp a couple of days before and keep it in the bathtub until Christmas Eve. Then you kill it and prepare it for the dinner.

We have a lovely tradition where we share Christmas wafers. Everyone gets one piece of wafer and then goes around to talk to everyone else to give them your Christmas wishes. Once you’ve said your wishes, the other person breaks a bit of your wafer and eats it. This can be personal and very heart-warming.

Afterwards we usually unwrap our presents which are normally left under a big Christmas tree. Finally, we have a midnight mass that night, where we all get a candle and sing our Christmas carols. This is done in order to commemo-

rate the three Kings that came to see baby Jesus in the night.

On Christmas Day, we then have a normal Christmas dinner where meat can finally be served as well.

During the Christmas holidays, I usually go to Yaounde, Cameroon and Brazzaville, Congo.

Yaounde in the Christmas holidays is another version of Fresher’s Week.

The diaspora and students (commonly known as ‘mbenguistes’) go home to spend the holidays with their relatives and relax. But for us students, there is

nothing relaxing about it. Christmas holidays - it’s even more tiring than exam season! Having all of your friends around leaves you no time for being bored. As a matter of fact you are usually pulled into a nightclub within three hours after landing.

Once you arrive, you need to have the clothes to dress to impress and the money to pay for the tables for each of the nights out. Of course, boys, you need to get the VIP ones which are highly competitive, as every boy wants to be the “Baller of the Season”. When we are tired of the loud music, we usually organize house parties we refer to as ‘chills’. They are usually a great opportunity to comment on the drama that has happened during the hectic nights out

and catch up with long-distance friends.

Wedding crashing is also very popular.

Christmas Day is one of the only days I spend at home. In the morning, we usually go to Christmas mass. Then comes the family meal. It is always good to be around your loved ones. The African culture is about sharing and I usually bring gifts for everyone. Then, I hit Brazzaville, Congo, my home city. Christmas holidays here are far more relaxing. In Brazzaville, Christmas is very similar to Chinese New Year. We go from house to house, visiting our relatives and collecting red envelopes. Before heading back to Europe, I usually visit my family’s home village, Boundji which is seven hours away. Having a large family is never boring!

As a Finn, I celebrate Christmas on the 24th.

The day plans out as follows: we wake up and decorate the Christmas tree as a family - usually the tree stands bare for a day or two in the house before my favourite box in the attic is dug out and I can coo over all the glitter and kitsch.

Following the tree decorating we have porridge for lunch.

An almond is hidden in the big pot of porridge. Whoever gets the almond in their bowl is granted a wish and good luck for the year.

We then rest before the big-

24 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 19 2013

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YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday November 19, 2013

25

sport TALKING TACTICS: LANGWITH’S 4-2-3-1

Web: www.yorkvision.co.uk/sport Email: sport@yorkvision.co.uk Twitter: @YorkVisionSport

When I first took in a Langwith College football match on a windswept and brisk 22 Acres on the morning of the 27th of October 2013, I did so with a heavy heart. Their opposition on that day was the Wentworth Postgrads, a decent mid-table outfit (think West Ham or West Brom) unglamorous but generally dependable and solid- yet even they were expected to hit a Langwith side who hadn’t won a competitive match in nearly two years for a cricket score.

The men in yellow, to their credit, were up for the fight. In the first half, their pressing was incessant and commendable, and they were unfortunate to go behind just before the break- that goal coming from a header from a set piece, nothing to do with their tactical set-up.

In the second half- they fell apart, and five goals were smashed into their net with aplomb by a rampant Wentworth. It is easy to take the layman’s approach, say that Langwith’s ‘heads dropped’ (that old cliché) and move on. That, though, completely overlooks the fact that Langwith were comfortably the better side in the first half, and lambs to the slaughter in the second. Sure, a goal on the stroke of half time can dent confidence- but there was far more to their capitulation on that day than meets the eye.

4-2-3-1 is a common formation in all levels of the game, highly commended due to the way in which it offers the defensive solidity of a quintessentially English 4-4-2 (two banks of four players in defence and midfield is difficult to break down, but 4-4-2 is susceptible in the corridor of uncertainty between the two banks) and the attacking prowess of the more continental 4-3-3 (however to play a pure 4-3-3 talented full backs and extremely hard working wingers are necessary to prevent susceptibility down the flanks caused by a narrow midfield).

Langwith, like many teams, deploy it be-

cause of this adaptability- but every formation has its fatal flaw.

The flaw in the 4-2-3-1 is that it is very easy to isolate your lone frontman. If you don’t switch the play quickly enough and stretch the opposition, any passing moves through the midfield will be easily neutralised by a decent defensive midfielder who will hardly need to move provided he marks the attacking midfielder (in this case Andy Hutt) tightly.

This forces the majority of attacking moves down the flanks, where a winger will be forced to cut inside and have a long shot (an inefficient way of scoring), or go wide and try and whip the ball in from the byline, hoping the frontman can get in front of one of the two centre backs he will need to occupy. One potential solution is to play inverted wingers (a left footed winger on the right wing and vice versa) and get early inswinging crosses across the box for a diagonally running striker- but crossing is still an inefficient scoring medium- and for 4-2-3-1 to be truly successful you need to be finding the feet of your attacking midfielder as often as possible.

In their excellent first half against Wentworth, Langwith pressed high all over the pitch. This means that as soon as Wentworth tried to make a pass, there was a Langwith player there standing virtually on the man receiving the pass ready to take the ball away. In principle, high pressure in this way makes for fantastic high-octane performances and completely overwhelms the opposition.

The problem lies in the fact that fitness dictates that (especially at amateur level) you simply cannot maintain it for ninety minutes. Because of how high up the pitch the two central midfielders (Pegg and Mallett) were pressing, Langwith were leaving their midfield virtually empty whether they had the ball or not, and as they tired, Wayne Paes was finding himself with more and more time on the ball in the centre of midfield, and he began to ping passes into

Photo: Jack Western

the space left by Pegg and Mallett, and by holding the ball there with striker Sotos, Wentworth were able to pin Langwith into their half in the second half and thump five goals past them with ease.

On the next weekend, Langwith took on Vanbrugh, a strong outfit coming into the game with two wins on the bounce. This author ventured out onto 22 Acres with the same sense of trepidation- but what happened next was simply unthinkable. Langwith lined up with that self-same 4-2-3-1 (albeit with a few different players in the mix) – the most notable of these changes were Marcus Campbell in for Andy Hutt in AM, and Ritchie Hemingway in for Nathan Mallett in the centre of midfield. With these changes came a change of approach.

Gone was the relentless bombardment down the flanks, in was a real willingness to move the ball quickly through the middle (with Pegg’s pinpoint passes a particular highlight) and in finding the feet of Marcus Campbell, Langwith were able to bring striker Jack Parsonson (replacing Graham Jones) into play a lot more often, which in

turn drew the Vanbrugh centre backs consistently out of position.

Langwith also varied their pressing in the middle of the park- when Pegg would press Vanbrugh in possession, Hemingway would sit to mop up anything going awry on the counterattack, and vice versa.

This game was a much more educated approach to a 4-2-3-1, with the same energy in their pressing- but in measured bursts rather than recklessly throwing caution to the wind. Vanbrugh simply did not expect Langwith to play in such a well-thought out way, and would have complacently dismissed them as terrible.

Langwith won 4-0. Whatever the future holds for the men in yellow, I urge readers to go and watch them if you’ve got a free Sunday morning to head down to 22 Acres. Assuming they learn from the perils of 90-minute pressing, and stick to their new found ‘intelligent’ 4-2-3-1, they’ll prove staunch and stubborn opposition for the best of teams in college football, and certainly won’t go another two years without a win.

WILL ENGLAND WIN THE 2015 RUGBY WORLD CUP? JAMES PASCOE

YES

TAKE ONE look at England’s spirited performance against New Zealand on Saturday and you will see that the 2015 World Cup hosts can compete with the very best.

It was always going to be a challenge to emulate last year’s historic victory, particularly as their match-winning centre partnership from that 38-21 win - injured pair Manu Tuilagi and Brad Barritt - were missing this weekend.

This was an England side far from fullstrength, with Ben Youngs limited to a spot on the bench, and unable to make an impact

in his arrival late in the game. In addition to that, the world-class capabilities and industry of the exceptional Tom Croft were also missed in the back-row.

The point is, if Lancaster plays the strongest line-up at his disposal, England are capable of beating - and they are one of - the best sides in the world.

They showed that last year as they thrashed the All Blacks, and were unlucky to lose to South Africa. This year, Lancaster’s side ran a New Zealand side, keen to avenge last year’s loss, close on Saturday.

The squad is young.

They will improve. Come 2015, the world is England’s oyster. As hosts, they can triumph on the biggest stage of all, and with home advantage and a raucous English crowd, the side undoubtedly has the ability to succeed.

Only time will tell, but don’t rule England out. They can be world champions in 2015, provided they have a full squad.

ISAAC LISTER

NO

NO, ENGLAND will not win the Rugby World Cup. The defeat to New Zealand, a close match though it may have been, highlighted exactly why the All Blacks have been a dominant force on the international stage for the last decade.

The decision making of the All Blacks in key moments and their ability to do the basics better than any other team proved too much for England in the end. They play in such a way that they are able to involve all of their elite talent in their play, whereas England struggle in the centres and on the wings to get their best players into the game.

England also do not have anyone of the quality of the superb Ma’a Nonu in the centres, and lest we forget his usual partner Conrad Smith, who isn’t even on this tour.

England may have run NZ close in their latest encounter, but add Smith to Nonu and that combination is fearsome.

Nonu’s power may be matched in the England ranks by Manu Tuilagi, but Tuilagi lacks in the technical department- he is not as adept at kicking or offloading, and doesn’t have Nonu’s teamwork skills. Even if he did, England lack a partner for him.

The way the lineout fell apart for England at the end is another key example of why they won’t win the World Cup, this doesn’t happen to the All Blacks as they have the depth to deal with it whereas players like Tom Youngs are too inconsistent.

England are a work in progress, an exciting outfit, but they just don’t have the experience or consistency in big matches to win this World Cup.

26 SPORT

YORK VISION

SPOTLIGHT: TRIATHLON

Tuesday January 14, 2014

MADDI HOWELL TRIES OUT THE SPORT THAT ROLLS THREE INTO ONE...

IN THE latest installment of Spotlight, Maddi Howell made the trip down to the Triathlon club, to try her hand at one of the University of York’s newest sports.

Thursday: With the prospect of a 10am morning run at the athletics track on Saturday and a 7:30am swim on Sunday, I’m feeling ready to be challenged, humiliated and severely out of breath. Although to my (incredibly sporty, member of senior rowing and owner of a ‘proper’ bike) housemate’s amusement I do possess a pair of goggles. I hope my green flowery bikini will make the cut. In terms of fitness, I’ve only been to one yoga class since before Christmas, so I have to say I was slightly worried.

Saturday: Having managed to resist the temptations of Phat Fridays, I was up and ready for the morning run. When I arrived at the athletics track the sun was shining and I found a friendly bunch of people ready for action, identifiable by their ‘TRIATHLON’ emblazoned kit. We took a route around the Fulford Golf Course, and I enjoyed the supportive and sociable training atmosphere (a contrast to the dreaded cross-country runs I remember from school!).

It was brilliant to start my weekend on a feel-good high, and the President of the committee, Sam Davies, and Press and Publicity Secretary, Stuart MacGregor, helpfully pushed me to keep going with their motivational approaches. Sam encouraged me to pick a goal such as the next landmark and then choose another one as I got to it, which seemed to be a trick into carrying on that fitness-improving a bit further!

Although I managed to complete 8km

without collapsing too badly, one runner lapped me completely; so there’s still a lot to improve on!

Sunday: Luckily, our photographer Jack failed to make the early 7:30am start for B group swimming, so I have avoided any action shots of my limited swimming technique. The sets of strokes were recommended on a board (a warm up, pre-sets, main set of twenty lengths of front crawl and a warm down). The lanes were closed off for us and I was largely left to get on with my lengths, although Stuart helped out with my breathing technique and partially forgotten front crawl form!

Once again, it seemed like this is a club where members help each other out and egg one and other on to improve and push on. This early morning swim was a great way to start a Sunday.

If you are time limited, this is the sport to go for, as the combination of running and cycling mixes up your workout and the swimming gives your joints a good massage (with the benefit of a sauna, steam room and Jacuzzi available on a Sunday morning with a membership at the Sports Village).

In addition to the sessions I joined, the club runs a weekly evening run, spin sessions, and a road cycle.

It’s an adventurous mix and it means you get a chance to get out and about away from the seemingly endless cycle of revision, essays and the campus bubble.

The bonus is the opportunity to work towards Triathlon competitions in the spring season and I have no doubt that the adrenalin rush at reaching the finish line is well worth the slog!

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YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday January 14, 2014

COLLEGE RUGBY: JAMES THRASH ALCUIN 48-0

JAMES 1STS made the perfect start to the spring term with a crushing win over Alcuin in wintery conditions on 22 Acres.

After a morning of college football cancellations due to heavy frost, it was decided that this fixture would go ahead. Neither team were able to field a full 15, so it was decided to make it a ten-a-side game, playing 20 minutes each way – an improvement, at least, on Saturday’s cancelled match between Derwent and Goodricke.

Charlie Burton’s James team ran in four tries of real quality in a rampant first half.

Alcuin responded well after the break, but were unable to get on the scoreboard, as in the dying embers of the game, James were able to punish them for their profligacy.

The reds got off to a bad start from the first whistle as the ball found its way into the hands of James’ Alex Renwick, who shrugged off several weak challenges to go down in the corner within the first minute.

A scrappy period of play ensued as Alcuin tried to secure a sustained period of possession, but they were unable to clear their lines. Ed Pallister came away with the ball for James and seemed destined to score himself, but he had to settle for an assist, offloading under pressure to Patrick Mayer for a simple finish. Two more tries followed after some desperately half-hearted Alcuin defending to leave the scoreline looking ominous at half-time.

Alcuin could easily have folded and let the James try-count slip into double figures,

but it was a strong testament to the bravery of Sonny Dewfall’s injury-plagued squad that they played with greater gusto after the interval. The ball rarely left Alcuin’s territory in the first period, but they came close to a try at the start of the second half, before being undone by a knock-on just metres out.

James eventually rediscovered their earlier rhythm, and Renwick had his second try of the afternoon as he strolled over the line. Time and again, Alcuin, led by the endeavour of Joe Wareing at the breakdown, tried to respond, only to see James’ pace prove too much for their back-line.

Mayer scored his second following a quick tap-and-go penalty. Matt Stehrenberg-

er scored in the final few seconds to bring the final score to 48-0 and complete the rout.

A satisfied James captain Burton told Vision: “It was a successful game for us.

We’ve got a lot of respect for Alcuin and we’re pleased to come away with a great result in such tough conditions. Charlie Forley was outstanding, he made a huge number of tackles. We can’t wait for the next game against Halifax.”

Alcuin captain Dewfall stated: “There are a lot of positives despite the defeat. We had a lot of players missing today and the conditions were really tricky. The second half performance was a lot better, we won’t let today define our season.”

COLLEGE VARSITY QUALIFIERS

VISION CAN exclusively reveal the full fixture list for this year’s inaugural College Varsity Qualifiers, which will see the top College teams battle it out for a spot against Durham on 2nd March in what promises to be an absorbing day. 24 fixtures will be played, with all but one on the weekend of the 8th and 9th February (week 5).

Saturday 8th February 10:30 – Netball, Semi-Final, Tennis Dome.

Goodricke v James 11:00 - Men’s Football Semi-Final, 22 Acres.

Derwent v Halifax 11:30 – Badminton Semi-Final, Main Hall.

Wentworth v Derwent 12:30 – Netball Semi-Final, Tennis Dome.

Derwent v Halifax 13:00 – Men’s Football Semi-Final, 22 Acres.

James v Vanbrugh 13:00 – Women’s Football Semi-Final, Tent 1.

Vanbrugh v Derwent 14:00 – Badminton Semi-Final, Main Hall.

Goodricke v James 14:15 – Basketball Semi-Final, Tent 2.

Wentworth v Vanbrugh 14:30 – Women’s Football Semi-Final, Tent 1.

Langwith v James 15:45 – Basketball Semi-Final, Tent 2.

Langwith v James

Photo: Philip Mourdjis

YORK HOSTS INDOOR FRISBEE TOURNAMENT

THE UNIVERSITY of York staged one of the largest indoor Ultimate Frisbee tournaments in Britain over the weekend.

More than thirty teams from across the country took part in the annual ‘Yindoors’ event, which was staged across Saturday and Sunday in the Tent.

The tournament was open to a wide range of age groups, and included York alumni. In the open league, dominated by men, York won the plate in ninth place, whilst the women’s team took tenth in their league. The overall winners in both leagues were ‘Dazed’, who beat last year’s winners ‘Some Team’ in the final.

The two-day event had a festive, lighthearted atmosphere, with several teams kitted out in colourful fancy dress.

The event was also used as an opportunity to sell cakes for charity, with all proceeds going to Cancer Research UK. York Ultimate’s Jessie Davidson told Vision: “There is a different vibe to Yindoors than you would see at our regional and national competitions - the emphasis is on everyone having a good time rather than winning.”

27

15:45 – Volleyball Semi-Final, Tent 1.

Wentworth v Langwith 17:15 – Volleyball Semi-Final, Tent 1.

Derwent v Alcuin Sunday 9th February 10:00 – Hockey Semi-Final, JLD. James v Halifax 10:30 – Rugby Semi-Final, 22 Acres.

Halifax v Vanbrugh 11:30 – Hockey Semi-Final, JLD. Goodricke v Langwith 12:00 – Badminton Final, Main Hall.

Wentworth/Derwent v Goodricke/James 12:30 – Rugby Semi-Final, 22 Acres.

Derwent v James 13:30 – Women’s Football Final, Tent 1.

Vanbrugh/Derwent v Langwith/James 14:00 – Men’s Football Final, 22 Acres.

Derwent/Halifax v James/Vanbrugh 14:45 – Volleyball Final, Tent 1.

Wentworth/Langwith v Derwent/Alcuin 16:00 – Netball Final, Tennis Dome.

Goodricke/James v Derwent/Halifax 17:15 – Hockey Final, JLD. James/Halifax v Goodricke/Langwith 17:15 – Basketball Final, Tent 2.

Wentworth/Vanbrugh v Langwith/James Wednesday 12th February

Photo: Jack Western

14:00 – Rugby Final, 22 Acres.

Halifax/Vanbrugh v Derwent/James

28

YORK VISION Tuesday January 14, 2014

FROM ROSES TO RIO - 201 2

1

TOURNAMENT TIME

6

5 BUCS: THE BID FOR TOP 40

9

Prediction: Derwent show their spirit and resilience to win at least one of Rowing and Swimming, whilst James and Alcuin shine.

2) Sochi Winter Olympics It may not be London 2012, but the Sochi Winter Olympics are less than a month away, and this February we’ll see the best skiers, snow-

ROSES: CAN YORK WIN AWAY?

10

COLLEGE SPORT STANDINGS 1) College Rowing & Swimming The excitement starts early, with two of the biggest one-day tournaments of the year; firstly Rowing in the Roger Kirk Centre at 7pm on Sunday, then the following Sunday (Week 3) sees Swimming take place, where we’ll have a combination of the serious and more laughable races on display. There’s more to follow with Lacrosse and of course College Sports Day to come later in the year.

WINTER OLYMPICS: GB GOLDS?

boarders and skaters in the world competing at the pinnacle of their sport. Four years ago Amy Williams won gold in Vancouver, can someone replicate her success this time?

Prediction: Medals won’t be easy for Team GB, but who knows, we may sneak one or two.

3) College Varsity New always means exciting, and this year’s inaugural College Varsity against Durham promises to be one of the most enthralling events of the year. 16 matches will be contested between the leading college teams from each institution on 2nd March, whilst before then we have the excitement of College Varsity qualifiers weekend to look forward to on the 8th and 9th of February.

Prediction: Well, as College Sport Officer, I have to say a York victory, don’t I really. In truth, it’s hard to say with it being new.

THE WORLD CUP 4) Six Nations Preparations for the 2015 Rugby World Cup continue, as England look to avenge their humiliating loss at the hands of Wales 12 months ago. France had a dismal time last year and will look to bounce back, whilst Ireland and Wales will once more prove stern tests for this English side, whose target is surely victory in the World Cup in 2015.

Prediction: Difficult to say, but France are a funny team, and I think they’ll bounce back and win it this year. Second or third again for England.

5) BUCS, BUCS and a bit more BUCS It’s a matter of so far so good for York, and we’ll be looking to keep it up this term as we aim to consolidate our position in 34th place.

A number of teams including Lacrosse, Netball and Football are in search of promotion, whilst others are battling against the drop.

What is certain is that some crucial and exciting weeks of sport lie in store.

Prediction: York to keep up the good work, and my statistical analysis says we’ll finish 35th. See page 26.

6) Roses This simply wouldn’t be complete without a mention of Roses, as York looks to claim that much sought after away Roses victory. Can we do it? Well, you have to think we have an excellent chance after cruising to victory last year and currently sitting 12 places above Lancaster in the BUCS standings. Away Roses are always tough though, and this promises to be a tight one.

Prediction: I’m in a positive mood this year, and I really believe we can win away this year. An 18 point margin of victory is in York’s favour.

SPORT

YORK VISION

Tuesday January 14, 2014

14: WHAT LIES IN STORE? 4

3

NEW COLLEGE VARSITY

29

Photos: Jack Western & Philip Mourdjis

SIX NATIONS: THE TEST

8

7 THE COLLEGE CUP

11

12

COMMONWEALTH GAMES 7) The College Cup After the excitement of Roses we have the College Cup, as Halifax aim to continue their excellent College Cup record and retain the trophy. The winners of the autumn league James are likely to be in contention, whilst Derwent and Vanbrugh will be in the mix.

Of course there’ll be a surprise package, last year was James 3rds, this year who knows…

The magic of the cup!

Prediction: Rematch of last year’s final, but Derwent to record a 2-1 victory over Halifax.

8) Barclays Premier League Is it Arsenal or Liverpool’s year? I’d love to say yes, but sadly I think not. Manchester City and Chelsea appear the two favourites, whilst the transfer business of the next month could be crucial. At the other end the likes of West Ham, Sunderland and Fulham are all in danger, but predicting who will go

PREMIER LEAGUE: WHOSE YEAR?

down is, in truth, a bit of a lottery.

Prediction: Manchester City to claim their second title in three years, United to sneak into fourth on the last day of the season, whilst West Ham, Crystal Palace and Sunderland suffer the drop.

9) The overall College Sport standings Is Derwent’s dominance of College Sport about to come to an end? Finally they have suffered defeat in College Rugby, whilst they have been edged off top spot in the overall standings by James. Wentworth and Goodricke have shown signs of improvement, whilst Alcuin and Vanbrugh struggle.

Whose year is it set to be, and will someone finally be able to topple the mighty Derwent?

Prediction: James. It’s time for a change at the top, and their consistency makes them my favourites.

MORE SUCCESS FOR MURRAY? 10) The World Cup It’s one of those years again where everyone becomes a football fan. We haven’t had much to cheer of late, and the prospects don’t look great for England in a challenging group and without the form to suggest they will challenge the top teams. Anything can happen though, and progress through the group and a decent draw lies in store.

Prediction: The quarter finals are a possibility, but we’re not good enough to challenge the very best. Home advantage makes Brazil my tip.

11) Commonwealth Games Scotland prove the hosts this year, and the two-week multi-sport event is just one of many exciting competitions that lie in store.

Who will emerge as the star of the Games, and who will flop? In truth only time will tell, but the competition has the potential to leave

a sporting legacy in Scotland, and hopefully see the emergence of new British talent.

Prediction: The event will be a success, but I’m not even going to try and guess how many medals we’ll win.

12) More success for Murray?

A two-time Grand Slam winner, can Andy Murray add to his collection in 2014, or will Rafael Nadal and Novak Djokovic continue to prove the dominant forces in tennis? The Australian Open is underway, while Wimbledon again promises to be a stunner. Can Laura Robson continue her progress, and will another young British player emerge to become the next star?

Prediction: Murray is now more experienced and confident, and I can see him notching up his third Grand Slam title, most likely at the US Open again.

30 SPORT

YORK VISION

James 5 - 0 Langwith

Tuesday January 14, 2014

Champions James put Langwith to the sword on 22 Acres

King James V A FRANTIC and congested opening gave way to the formality of a 5-0 James rout in extremely frosty conditions on 22 Acres. James showed excellent control of possession throughout, limiting Langwith to long balls and half chances in the ninety minutes.

In the early exchanges, Langwith were resilient, but once James captain Ralph Gill broke the deadlock in the twenty-second minute, they never looked back. Matt Singleton would head in an easy second before the break, then in the second half Freddie Ferrao and Singleton compounded Langwith’s misery before James Briars rounded it off with a fifth.

Langwith came out with intent to battle.

Louis Pegg was particularly tenacious in the first half, doggedly hunting down every James pass in the middle of the park.

However, for all their hard work, they simply couldn’t get a foothold in the game, and it was James who dictated the tempo, with Freddie Ferrao creating space for Matt Singleton to fire well over the bar from just outside the area.

If that was the warning shot, Langwith did not heed it, as moments later Ralph Gill escaped the attentions of his marker, swivelled in the area, dropped the shoulder and coolly side-footed beyond Kris Cheshire and into the corner of the net for 1-0.

Gill was back in the thick of the action straight away following his goal, a cute onetwo with Freddie Ferrao allowing the latter

to drive in a cross which narrowly evaded the head of Matt Singleton.

That man Singleton would smash against the bar from close range when it was easier to score following a great reaction save from Cheshire. But he would not be denied for long, nodding a free header into the top right corner of the goal from a corner kick in the twenty-eighth minute to double James’ lead.

Langwith were penned into their half for long periods by James’ intense possession game, but the last action of the half would see Andy Hutt race clean through on goal following a missed interception. But with James’ keeper Andy Balzan exposed and the goal at his mercy, the Langwith striker sidefooted meekly wide with zero conviction.

James’ lead remained intact.

The second half continued in the same vein as the first, with James working hard to create chances and Langwith determined to keep them honest. A moment of controversy arose in the fiftieth minute when James were awarded a penalty for a Langwith handball which was not massively appealed for, but was awarded by the referee. Ferrao was having a great morning out on the wing, and he needed no second invitation to contribute to the scoring, planting his penalty beyond the despairing dive of Cheshire.

Though Andy Hutt was embroiled in a thankless task ploughing a lone furrow up front, he was able to demonstrate some great guile in providing Tom Benney with an opportunity to volley at goal. The chance was awkward though, and by taking too long to shape his body, Benney gave Callum Elliott time to come across and block his effort.

That was the last piece of goalmouth action Langwith would see. Matt Singleton would grab his second, and James’ fourth, of the game with a wonderful finish from the edge of the area, before Callum Elliott lofted a great pass in the direction of James Briars, who confidently dispatched the final fifth goal beyond Kris Cheshire.

James would threaten to turn proceedings into a cricket score, first through an improvised half-volley from hat-trick seeking Matt Singleton, and secondly when James Briars jinked into the box and looked for all the world like he would side-foot a telling sixth across Cheshire and into the net. However the Langwith keeper showed great reach to claw away his goalbound effort.

After the game, a delighted James Captain Ralph Gill said: “That was a great way to start the New Year. It was a convincing victory, we thwarted Langwith’s attacks and made the most from our innumerable chances.”

In contrast his opposite number, Marcus Campbell, was disappointed with his side’s performance, and told Vision: “We were missing key players today, but that’s no excuse for our poor performance and poor fitness.

“We had chances, but we failed to convert them, and we’ll have to come out better next week.”

JAMES (4-4-1-1): Balzan, Sangha, Elliott, Axwood, Alhassan, Jopson (Briars), Gill, Spurling, Haresnape, Ferrao, Singleton LANGWITH (4-2-3-1): Cheshire, Rogers, Starling, Pickersgill, Benney, Pegg, Hudson, Campbell, Hazell, Gates, Hutt

MATCH STATISTICS Possession 65%

35%

Shots 19

3

Shots on Target 10

1

Fouls 4

1

Offsides 0

0

YORK VISION

Tuesday January 14, 2014

SPORT

31

MORE MISERY FOR ALCUIN ALCUIN

0

WENTWORTH

2

IT MAY be the spring term, but conditions were positively wintery as Wentworth overcame Alcuin 2-0 in their opening college football fixture after the Christmas break.

The game was placed in doubt by the morning frost, but after a half-hour delay the captains decided the ground was fit for play.

The match was of generally poor quality from start to finish. The quality that was on show came largely from the postgraduates, and two first half goals from Ciaran Lynch and Chris Papoui secured victory.

The first real chance of the game came after sixteen minutes, as Papoui found himself through on goal inside the box, but miscued his shot wide of the post.

After twenty-three minutes they got the

breakthrough, though it came with at least a touch of good fortune.

Alcuin keeper Neil Lawrence received a bobbling back-pass inside the box, but his first touch failed to get the ball out of his feet.

Wentworth’s Ciaran Lynch closed in, and although Lawrence got his kick in first, he could only blast it against the attacker, and it ricocheted straight into the Alcuin net.

Alcuin’s first good chance came shortly before the half-hour mark. Andy Fernando’s excellent 30-yard free kick was excellently tipped onto the crossbar by Wentworth keeper Jon Cook. That save paid dividends five minutes later as Wentworth’s lead was doubled by winger Papoui.

He put his disappointing miss from earlier in the game behind him, finding room on the edge of the box to drive a low shot into the corner of the goal, beyond Lawrence.

Wentworth had two more chances to extend their lead before the half. The first saw Dom Green blast a powerful shot across the face of goal, but wide of the far post.

The second was courtesy of a Lawrence error, as he failed to connect with another clearance, but defender Sean Perera got in just ahead of Lynch to prevent a third.

In the second half, as the morning sun drifted behind the building clouds, there was no change in the pattern of the game.

Wentworth, comfortable in their lead, never looked likely to relinquish it, despite a couple of decent Alcuin chances.

The most notable came moments after the restart, a goalmouth scramble following a corner providing Alcuin with a few bites at the cherry but with no success.

Green, the Wentworth talisman, proved to be a thorn in his opponents’ side with some great skill but lacked the finishing to go with it.

His best effort was blocked on the line

by Jack McConnell, guarding the near post from a corner. On another occasion, he set himself up on the volley with an audacious piece of skill but couldn’t apply the finish.

Alcuin, trailing by two and needing something special to get back into the game, were unable to break down their opponents.

And it was Wentworth who looked more likely to score – which they did, before that effort was bizarrely chalked off.

Oleg Benesch unleashed a shot just inside the near post from a narrow angle, beating Lawrence with the power of his strike.

But, as Wentworth began to celebrate, the referee – wrongly – submitted to protests that the ball had gone through the side netting.

Wentworth’s reaction was more befuddlement than anger, but the game was already over as a contest.

Photos: Zoe Bennell

Photos: Jack Western

CANCELLATIONS AS WEATHER WINS IT WAS a case of victory for the weather this weekend, as a number of College Sport fixtures were cancelled due to a heavy frost, which left a number of pitches frozen on Sunday morning.

Two of the opening round of College Football fixtures were cancelled, and will be rearranged for a later date, after captains and officials deemed them unfit to play on due to the Arctic temperatures.

Last term’s runners-up Derwent were amongst the teams to have their match cancelled, as their fixture against Goodricke succumbed to the elements, whilst the high-

ly-anticipated contest between Halifax and Vanbrugh was also postponed.

In addition to this, the opening round of hockey fixtures were all cancelled as the freezing temperatures left the JLD in a rockhard and unplayable state.

James were looking to extend their tremendous unbeaten run in the highlight of the day’s fixtures, as they were set to meet last term’s runners-up Goodricke. However once more the weather prevailed, leading to the cancellation of this fixture along with the other matches involving Halifax, Derwent, Alcuin and Vanbrugh.

The presence of the YIndoors Frisbee tournament meant that the tent was unavailable for use for College Basketball, whilst the

College Rugby fixture between Derwent and Goodricke was cancelled, after the College from Hes East failed to field a side.

The cancellations put increased pressure on a hectic College Sport calendar, which is already strained due to the presence of College Varsity and Qualifiers weekend.

College Sport Officer Dave Washington said: “It’s obviously very frustrating that we’ve lost a number of fixtures to the weather this weekend, but sadly we have to accept that freezing weather is likely this term.

“Hopefully we won’t have the hazard of snow this term, as we can ill-afford more cancellations, but we’ll endeavour to ensure all fixtures are completed, and hope the weather is fine for College Varsity later this term.”

V SPORT

SPOTLIGHT: 2014: WHAT TRIATHLON LIES IN STORE?

ALCUIN 0 JAMES 48

P27

P26

P28-29

JAMES DEFY WEATHER

Photo: Zoe Bennell

they bagged two first half goals to record their first victory of the term against a struggling Alcuin side.

JAMES BEAT the elements on SunThe freezing weather claimed the day morning to claim a comfort- other two football fixtures though, able 5-0 victory over Langwith in the whilst also resulting in the cancellation opening round of this term’s College of all three College Hockey fixtures.

Football calendar.

However, James Rugby also defied Two goals from Matt Single- the cold to start the term with a bang, as ton helped last term’s champions to they easily brushed aside the challenge continue their excellent form, whilst of Alcuin to cruise to a 48-0 victory.

Langwith struggled to assert themselves The College Sport calendar continin the contest. ues next week, as we build up to the The postgraduates of Wentworth high-profile event of this term in the were the other winners of the day, as shape of College Varsity.

Reports: Pages 30-31

> FREEZING WEATHER CAUSES MAJOR DISRUPTION RESULTING IN THE CANCELLATION OF A NUMBER OF FIXTURES > HOWEVER JAMES BEAT THE COLD TO WIN IN FOOTBALL AND RUGBY

Issue 239

Tuesday January 14th, 2014

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