Issue 137

THE S PORTING VOICE OF Y ORK S TUDENTS 7th May 2002 Issue 137

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FIVE PAGES OF SPORTING ACTION INSIDE

S E S O R WE WIN

YORK have pulled off an historic win in Roses - the first away success for a decade.

There were incredible scenes as York snatched victory in the final match, above, beating Lancaster 2-1 in the

women's football to clinch the trophy.

And the drama didn't end there.

Lancaster disputed the victory on a technicality though soon gave way.

The four points from the women's football gave York an overall one

point victory: 120.5- 119.5 AU president Martin Styles, left, applauded the victory: “York put in a monumental performance.

“I’m going to sleep with the trophy tonight!”

‘Any old-hat crap and I won’t come’ (It’s OK Christine, we won’t tell anyone)

Christine raises a glass to Vision readers

SELF-STYLED ‘professional Battleaxe’ and York graduate Christine Hamilton has agreed to speak at the Grad Ball — and she’s not taking any crap.

In an exclusive and revealing interview with Vision, she insited she was coming to the Ball just to have a good time. ‘‘I shall walk out if people are unfriendly. We’re good sports, and we like to have a good time,” she said. ‘‘If people are going to sour the occasion, it will just spoil it for everyone.’’

Christine and hubby Neil fear they might receive the same welcome that greeted Labour MP John Grogan last year when he was egged by an angry student.

The Hamiltons say they are looking forward to appearing alongside with Junglist Goldie and fellow panto-fodder Right Said Fred New concerns have surfaced over the GradBall, as tickets go on sale today, after the SU refused to rule out introducing

EXCLUSIVE

Rob Harris

cheaper tickets in a few weeks’ time.

The details of the music also remain uncertain with lead act Goldie potentially putting in only a very brief performance.

But, Christine, a former Goodricke student, is still upbeat. She even said Neil would probably take advantage of the massage tent at the Ball. ‘‘I expect he will. It depends on who’s doing the massaging,’’ she said.

The couple have courted controversy ever since The Guardian branded Neil ‘‘A liar and a cheat’’, allegations Christine still denies.

Minutes after our exclusive interview, Christine rushed off a playful fax, warning us not to repeat The Guardian’s ‘‘oldhat crap’’. ● EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW ............ p 5 ● GRAD BALL INVESTIGATION ..... p 6

2 NEWS

News in brief Exec clashes over CU future MEMBERS of SU Executive Committee have clashed in written proposals over the future of relations between the SU and the Christian Union.

President-elect Tom Connor has called for the CU to be “recognised” by the Union, allowing them to put on events across campus. Connor pointed to the bad publicity the SU receive as a result of their relations with the CU. However, Press and Publicity Officer Alex Ball believes that Exec can’t make exceptions to the rules, except on membership numbers. Ball fears that democracy in campus societies could be affected if there was a compromise with the CU.

Hitting high note SOUTHAMPTON may have spent the season battling against relegation, but in a York professor’s study to find the Premiership’s most tuneful fans, they are top of the league.

Prof David Howard analysed recordings and put Bolton bottom of the table.

Here’s his some of his points to hitting the high note on the terraces: Keep the neck area warm, both during and after the game, keep your feet placed squarely on the ground, and don't start too high or too fast.

Buddy link A PROJECT which links up York students with local children has received a boost of £14,000 from the Abbey National.

The Children's Society PACT Youth Project enables University students to accomany young disabled people on social activities such as swimming and discos.

The money will help expand the scheme for over 18-year-olds.

End rank food THE University have called in so-called celebrity chef Paul Rankin in attempt to boost the quality of food on campus.

Andy MacDonald, Director of Facilities, explained: “We’re always looking for new and tempting ideas.

Vision thanks Thanks to Pete Dandy, Ben Wiseman, Sharif Hamadeh, Martin Nicholson, Bev Nutter, John Jackson, and Jayne Rimmer.

Vision meetings take place in P/L005 at 7pm every Monday.

Vision is printed by Westcountry Design and Print, Exeter

Fascists boast campus recruits

07/03/02 YORK VISION

Members of York SAW protesting last Friday evening against the BNP

Campaign to combat shock rise of BNP

Tom Hazeldine

Sharif Hamadeh and Will Shaw THE ‘Young BNP’ website boasts to have acquired “new recruits” from York University, while religious and political groups on campus have joined forces to condemn the far right.

Three members of the campus Tories have submitted a proposal to bar the BNP from campus, which will be debated at tonight’s (Tuesday’s) UGM. Richard Price, the Tory chair, argued that it is crucial to protect campus the BNP’s “abhorrent views” and “politics of hatred”.

The ‘Young BNP’ have already infiltrated Leeds University, where its leader Mark Cottell is a student.

York students turned out in force last Friday to register their disgust at the apparent rise of racism in mainstream politics, following the election of three British National Party councillors in Burnley.

The impromptu demonstration was hurriedly organised by a core of Anti Nazi League (ANL) affiliates. Similar demonstrations were held throughout the country.

The group attracted students from a wide range of political backgrounds.as both Socialist Workers and Conservatives turned out to show support.

Hussain Ismail, a member of the ANL, and chair of York Students Against the War, described the protest as “the best spontaneous demonstration we’ve had on campus, and an extremely healthy sign of the anti fascist feeling at this university.”

In a matter of hours, at least forty students were mobilised by word of mouth. Congregating at Vanbrugh Paradise in the late afternoon, the group marched into town carrying hastily-prepared placards and cardboard signs. The protesters wound their way to Parliament Square chanting anti-BNP and anti-Le Pen slogans and urging others to follow them.

They joined a growing number of supporters at the central fountain

New violent attacks on students

Hussain Ismail confronts Ken Batten, head of security, over the removal of their antiwar posters on campus. Batten told Vision: “Its nothing to do with discrimination, its to do with signage.” York SAW have e-mailed an official complaint to Batten PHOTO: ROB HARRIS where a “People’s Parliament” was upside-down Union Jack. convened allowing the marchers to The security firm Showsec, who voice their concerns about the rise of supervised the event in Oldham, came racism in the UK and on the continent, under fire from Rose who condemned and to express support for the fight the security guard present as “extremeagainst fascism. ly unreassuring” The multiracial group — which The intimidating atmosphere at the included students from St. John’s as count worsened after BNP supporters well as the University of York, in addi- called for back-up once they heard tion to members of the general public their candidate had lost.

— then marched through the city gathHowever, the massive police and ering support.

Anti-Nazi League presence outside the The group dispersed after agreeing hall seemed to deter any new recruits to hold further protests to ensure York from materialising. remains “a Nazi free zone”.

Back in York, the SU’s Education Last Thursday, a delegation from and Welfare officer echoed the York joined the campaign in Oldham Conservative Lord Birkell, describing to stop the extremist British National the BNP as “Nazi scum”, and warned Party from winning seats on the coun- that the racism infiltrating campus will cil. explode if it is not stifled it.

The students spent election day disRawaad Mayhub, chair of the tributing Anti-BNP pamphlets in Islamic Society, accused the BNP White and Asian estates and manning “facists” of instigating war between polling stations. whites and Asians, and welcomed the One student, Benedict Ibbs, was fact that groups who are usually at loggoaded and verbally abused by BNP ger heads are coming together to fight supporters, before being manhandled the ideologies of the far right: by a member of their campaign team.

“The Conservatives have my full Later in the day, whilst waiting for support. We may hold different politithe results in the election hall, LGB cal views else where, but we are now Officer John Rose was called “scum” united in fighting racism on campus.” and “bastard” by members of the BNP Chair of the campus Jewish Society, and Combat 18, who had earlier been Alicia Mornington, joined the call for photographed by the press next to an collaboration between all groups to fight racism.

“The BNP are a threat to all minorities, and the only response is for minorities to unite against the facists and force them off campus,” she said.

‘Young BNP’ leader is student at Leeds Uni

A STUDENT was mugged at knifepoint over the Easter holidays after being confronted by a man who pulled a 6" fixed blade from his jacket pocket.

The man was described as around 20 years old, 5'11" tall with a slim build and dark spiky hair. He wore a black jacket and pale trousers.

The mugging occurred in the early hours of Wednesday April 3, on Heslington Road opposite Fairfax House. The student threw his wallet to the attacker who then made off towards the city centre.

Less than a fortnight later, a Derwent student suffered a cut mouth and bruising after being violently mugged outside the college by three youths before they drove off in a small hatchback car.

And in yet another attempted robbery, a female student was threatened by a teenage boy brandishing a knife as she walked in the Spring Lane area, close to Physics. Security guards searched the area but found no trace of the suspect.

It took place last term at 9.l5 in the morning on Tuesday Week 9. The young delinquent, with acne around his mouth, was described as 14-16 years old, wearing a baseball cap, dark t-shirt and dark baggy jeans with skater chain.

Academic Registrar Sue Hardman admitted that violent muggings were on the rise around campus, and that it “mirrors an increase in such incidents in the City as a whole”.

She denied that Spring Lane had joined Retreat Lane as a crime hotspot, claiming it was “not often” a problem area.

Hardman noted “there have been some opportunistic thefts and from time to time we issue Notices reminding people about general security problems.

“We may do another one soon as the better weather encourages people to leave windows and doors open, allowing unauthorised access and possible opportunistic theft,” she said.

“We have to strike a balance between raising awareness and message fatigue.”

Ken Batten, head of Security Services, was unavailable for comment at the time Vision went to press. He did however agree to an interview for the next edition, breaking his silence for the first time since before the Heslington Hall protest in February.

Anyone with information on these suspects are being urged to contact the Security Centre on telephone extension 4444.

Confronted at knife-point with 6" blade

YORK VISION — THE INDEPENDENT VOICE OF YORK STUDENTS Editors: Adrian Butler &Tom Hazeldine Deputy: Chris Cermak & Isobel Todd editor@vision.york.ac.uk Managing Editor: Neil Brown Advertising Manager: Caroline Newcombe Deputy: Charlotte Day advertising@vision.york.ac.uk Web Editor: Laura Pearson web@vision.york.ac.uk News Editor: Rob Harris

Deputies: Claire Coady & Catherine Milner Politics Editor: Sharif Hamadeh Deputy: Will Shaw Media Editor: Simon Milner Deputy: Anna Mayall Features Editor: Alicia Starkey Deputies: Toni Hassan & Rebecca Bull Lifestyle Editor: Naomi Jackson Deputy: Vicki Hurst Food and Drink Editor: Roxy Warrick

Deputy: Ed Cunningham Music Editor: James Kelly Deputies: Robin Howells & Ewen Tant Films Editor: Jonathan Beaufort-Jones Deputies: Jess Shaddell & Steph Taylor Arts Editor: Louise Burns Deputy: Rebecca Loveridge Books Editor: Cathy Baldwin & Liz Hicks Deputy: Nick Lay & Ben Morris Sports Editors: John Hyde & Johnny Morgan

Deputies: Post Open Photo Editor: Sam Dudin Deputy: Lizzie Turner Cartoonist: Timo

Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available. Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2002

YORK VISION 07/05/02

NEWS 3

Stop the coach! You’re going the wrong way Tom Hazeldine A BUNGLING travel company drove a coachload of York students into oncoming traffic on a Spanish motorway as the English drivers lost their way.

Worse followed that night as the students’ hotel was trashed by drunken revellers and a member of another university was allegedly deported after making indecent advances to a cat.

The holidayers were taking part in the annual ‘Cordella Fest’ sporting tournament near Barcelona, involving over 1,300 students from British universities, including the York hockey and Langwith football teams.

On the first day of the festival, angry students had been made to wait for two hours by the coach before setting off to the tournament.

A journey that should have only taken forty minutes took three hours as the coach drivers

wound their way across the south of Spain, having apparently been given no directions by the travel operators.

Teamlinks Travel Ltd refused to comment on the slapdash nature of their arrangements. A spokesman for the company told Vision: “I am not willing to get involved in the negative aspects [of the tour]. It was a great success,” he claimed.

All the coach drivers went on strike during the second day after some of their hotel rooms had apparently been ransacked.

York students were left stranded at their hotel and were unable to play in the final stages of the competition.

Teamlinks Travel Ltd claims to offer “tailormade sports tours to all destinations worldwide”.

Driver’s gaff on Spanish sports tour “Our event management team have experience in venue research, travel and accommodation arrangements and event production,” boasts their website.

Jodi Brisland, women’s hockey president, was not impressed: “We still had a great time and no one regrets going, but I wouldn’t go with that company again,” she said.

“In their defence, it’s only the second time the festival’s taken place, and they were dealing with a phenomenal number of students. But they need better organisation to take on so much.”

The event took place between 6-12 April, and also included players from York St John, Lancaster and Leeds.

Some students were fined six Euros each for ‘general damages’ to their hotel, despite having no part in the housewrecking.

Langwith football team remained upbeat. “If we’d only gone over there to compete it would have been a disappointment, but it was also a holiday as well,” explained captain Chris Jones.

“Most people were good hearted. Wherever there’s cheap alcohol and a consequence-free environment there’s going to be a little trouble,” he said.

York students did still manage to sample the local nightlife, and some made it to the Nou Camp to see Barcelona take on Panathanikos.

“We bossed it at our end,” said vice-captain Jez Lawson. Teamlinks were adamant that the event would go ahead again next year.

Hockey players with Langwith footballers on the coach trip from hell. LEFT: In action at the CordellaFest sports tournament

Was Connor win legitimate?

Rob Harris ELECTION Returning Officer Dan Simon hasn’t ruled out illegal conduct in March’s SU poll, as one ballot box worker claims possible plural voting.

When pressed on suggestions there was illegal conduct by successful presidential candidate Tom Connor, Simon responded: “No, what I’ve said it that there was no complaint and as such when there’s no complaint I can’t respond to it.”

A message sent out from an e-mail address tconnor2002@hotmail .com, appearing to be from Connor, broke election rules which bans the use of the internet.

Simon told Vision: “We investigated it and it was our findings that it was not from Tom

Members of WineSoc are searching for a new home PHOTO: ROB HARRIS

Rowdy on rosé . . .

Ed Fotheringham WINE SOC has been banned from holding its meetings in Derwent college following an alleged evening of excess.

Derwent staff accused Wine Soc of leaving their meeting room in a state of chaos on the Sunday of Week 2. It is now doubtful if they will be able to find a room elsewhere on campus.

Deputy busar Carol Appleton alleges it took two extra cleaning staff over an hour to sort out D/016. According to her, there were “bin bags left all over the room and wine stains on chairs and the walls.”

Wine Soc have disputed the charge. As its last meeting drew

to a close, society chair Steven Tomlinson claims that the room was inspected by the duty porter who gave it the all clear.

Vice Chair Charlotte Parnaby told Vision: “the room was left in a satisfactory condition.”

“If there was any mess, one of the bins must have fallen over and the wine in them spilt. We left the room as we found it.”

Derwent’s deputy bursar argued that if the porter has passed the room as okay, “the porter was either blind or blasé.”

A spokesperson for the Timetabling Office said it was “doubtful” that Wine Soc would find another room to use on campus, and suggested the students make use of the bars instead

“where they can spill as much as they like”.

However, Wine Soc are not allowed to drink alcohol in a licensed area unless it is purchased from the bar.

They have had to cancel their next meeting.

Dealings between Wine Soc and Derwent College have been patchy for some time. Derwent staff have complained in the past of noisy muisc that received complaints from students, though this problem had been resolved.

The room bookings problem is now entangling the Students’ Union. Chris Jones, Socieities’ Officer, said he was “in the process of trying get it sorted out”.

The champagne flows as Connor learns of his election victory Photo: Rob Harris

Connor.” The e-mail was asking a society for a copy of its mailing list.

Lee Meyrick (defeated RAG candidate) forwarded an e-mail to Dan Simon, commenting: “Is this allowed!! I didn’t think you were allowed to send out group emails.”

However, Simon claims Myerik did NOT make a complaint: “He brought it to our attention. If there was a complaint we would have acted on it . . . but we did investigate it.”

Other accusations of electoral impropriety centre on claims that people could have voted twice in James College.

Once students had voted, the number ten from the corner of their NUS cards was cut off.

However, this number had already been removed from the cards of James students who attended their Christmas Ball.

For these voters, the number nine was removed, leading to a discrepancy.

Dan Simon claimed that this matter was dealt with 20 minutes after voting started.

However, a ballot box worker revealed to Vision that the Union didn’t tell her anything: “There was a lack of information . . .I can remember actually we didn’t always pay attention to this detail.”

Andrea Caccaviella, a visiting Swiss student, was working for the SU in James during the afternoon.

“I can imagine that some people might have voted twice,” she said.

She refuted Dan Simon’s claim that there was an investigation in the James voting scandal: “After the election there was nothing at all – they just paid me.”

Connor denied any complicity in the e-mail controversy, and dismissed problems at the election as “not a particularly big issue”.

He did however concede that the problem areas “would have to be looked at to make sure they do not happen again”.

4 NEWS

YORK VISION 07/05/02

Catherine Milner STUDENTS have been forced to hunt down bedbugs in their University accommodation after Admin accused them of deliberately introducing them into their rooms.

Once Admin were convinced of the legitimacy of the problem, the St Lawrence Court students were forced to wait a further four days before their beds were replaced and rooms fumigated by men in ‘radiation suits’.

Halifax residents have spoke of their shock at the re-emergence of the bed bug problem in Week One which was last discovered in December.

The long suffering students are still recovering from as many as 3 separate infestations, which left them 'covered from head to foot in red itchy blotches'.

Students were forced to supply Admin with specimens of the bed bugs before any action was taken to resolve

Asbestos fears over work on library Claire Coady THE £4.5m building project to improve the University’s library facilities, which began in the J B Morrell over the Easter holiday, is causing a huge disturbance to workheavy students.

Work on the new Humanities Research Library and the renovation of the J B Morrell will continue throughout this term despite complaints about the noise, as finals students enter the most important phase of their work.

Wayne Connelly, Head of User Services and Administration, told Vision: “The library is badly in need of extension and improvement.”

“We are very much aware of the problems the current programme of building and refurbishment may cause to people who need to study at this time of year.”

He added: “Mindful of these difficulties, we have publicised the availability of quiet study rooms elsewhere on campus.”

Concerns have also been raised about the safety of the worksite. Shortly before Easter, work began around the library building to remove asbestos panelling.

However, when pressed, Connelly claimed the library was “safe”, and that added safety precautions had been taken after a risk assessment warned of the threat of dangerous materials falling from upper floor railings.

‘Lying’ students hunt down bed bugs the problem; resulting in many students inhabiting infected rooms for up to five weeks.

A source in the cleaning department told Vision that Admin had attempted to hush up the reoccurring bed bug problem to new inhabitants at the start of the year.

Ross Steele, a first year Halifax student, commented to Vision that her reaction to the recent outbreak was one of familiarity.

"I thought, here we go again!"

Her flatmate Cathy Baldwin added that all members of the house were "scared to change their sheets" and spent their time "paranoid about itches" lest the bed bugs should return.

Tom Elcock reported his worst expe-

rience of actually spotting one of the bed bugs on his arm.

All three members of the house in St Lawrence Court were angered at the initial reaction to their problem when it was reported to Halifax porters

lodge.

The students were accused of deliberately introducing the bed bugs into their accommodation through keeping house pets, and their panic and frustration was met with remarks such as "it’s Saturday, no ones around" and "what can I do about it".

Eventually 'confirmation' was

demanded from the students of the problem. They have since been able to provide live specimens. Once students managed to prove the legitimacy of the problem, they were forced to wait a further four days before their beds were replaced. Ross Steele described the men who came to fumigate the rooms as wearing “radiation suits”.

On initially reporting their dilemma, the students were informed that the college had 'never had this problem before'. Yet past residents apparently told them that bed bugs had been found in their house two years previously.

Both Ross Steele and Tom Elcock encountered sever physical reactions to the bed bugs in the form of red itchy bites; so excessive that Ross stated “they were so hideous I didn’t want to

leave the house” The university Health Centre informed Tom Elcock that he was suffering from a food allergy.

Ross was similarly advised and both were prescribed antihistamines.

Despite the fact that the students enlisted the help of a lawyer to assist them with their claims, students whose parents complained in writing received only £50 compensation.

Those who complained in person have received nothing.

The students first experienced bed bugs on coming to university in October, the problem then reoccurring in one of the rooms in December, and the bed bugs have now been discovered once again in the first week of this term.

Heath Centre silent as complaints rise Adrian Butler

Cooke receives the royal treatment The Vice Chancellor Sir Ron Cooke, pictured with his wife Barbara, after being knighted by the Queen at Buckingham Palace. He later said: “It was the best possible away for the whole family.”

THREE more complaints against the University Health Centre have come to Vision’s attention from students who feel angry and let down.

It has also emerged that the troubled facility approached the Students’ Union after the last issue of Vision, worried about its negative image. It requested a meeting with SU Education and Welfare Officer Jenna Khalfan, and her successor Gary Loke.

Yet last Friday, the Health Centre refused to comment to Vision once again, preventing us from raising students’ grievances with them.

Liz Gilbertson, a second year Psychology student, complained of a severe pain to a nurse on Wednesday Week One. The nurse took a urine sample to send off, and told Gilbertson it was probably cystitis, despite her history of kidney problems she had mentioned. The nurse prescribed Trimethopryn, a common antibiotic used in the treatment of cystitis, and told her to phone the emergency helpline if the pain didn’t go away.

Three days passed, and her pain got worse. She phoned the helpline, and was told that nothing else could be done, as the Health Centre didn’t have her urine test results.

On Monday Week Two, she saw the nurse again, who admitted she hadn’t actually sent off Liz’s sample. This time, she was pre-

Nod nod, wink wink . . . it’s Langwith Sonia Mullett CONTROVERSIAL SECRET society the Freemasons has booked Langwith Dining Hall on Saturday (Week three) for its annual conference.

In a controversial move, Admin failed to consult either Langwith JCR or the SU’s Ents Committee which organises and timetables campus events.

“It would have been courteous to involve the SU in what was essentially a conference booking outside of conference season,” SU Services Officer Dan Simon told Vision.

The Freemasons — who have been visiting York for the last twenty years — stand accused by conspiracy-theorists of organising inter-planetary alliances with Mars, among other things. Prominent members include

astronaut Buzz Aldrin, Tory comic Jim Davidson and Republican actor John Wayne. German Classical composer Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was also a Freemason, and even believed that the organisation was trying to poison him towards the end of his life.

Despite this, Dan Simon said he was “less concerned about the Freemasons coming to York” than who controls campus during term time, and about the disruption caused by conference events.

“The principle of the thing is about student ownership of campus,” he argued. ‘‘During the summer we had a number of complaints from foreign students that they were locked out of their TV rooms – even though the conference guests weren’t using those areas.”

Simon went onto call for JCRs to take more action against the University running their own events.

“We voted in Ents committee to stop this event using Links first aid, as it’s run by the Student’s Union. I would be very surprised if University-run events met the health and safety standards set by the SU.” Conference Director Richard Hainsworth was unrepentant about potential disruption to student activities: “My brief involves bringing additional income to the Univeristy. We only make fifteen conference bookings out of conference season a year. It’s a very small amount.”

However, the SU claimed the University have failed to take the student body into account.

Freemans take over campus from students

“They tend to think it’s OK as long as it doesn’t interfere with academic life. They don’t seem to realise that students have a social life,” said Dan Simon. Langwith dining hall is not actually in use at weekends, which is why it has been chosen to host the Freemasons’ conference.

Hainsworth emphasised that out-ofseason conferences were only booked at weekends.

“There is little chance of students being disrupted at the weekends, when no one is around usually. ‘‘Besides, the Masons have been coming for the last twenty yeas without this issue being raised,” he said.

There was no reason to fear the Masons, argues own their official website: “Membership is open to all men of integrity and goodwill, irrespective of colour or creed, on condition that they profess a belief in a Supreme Being,”

scribed Amoxycillin, with a promise to send her specimen off that day. By Tuesday, her results came back and revealed that she had a kidney infection and not in fact cystitis.

She told us she felt disappointed with her treatment: “I spent £18 of my own money on useless antibiotics, which didn’t help me and only made me feel worse.

“The nurse admitted she hadn’t sent my test off because she thought it was likely to be cystitis.”

Second year English student Jessica Shiddell has had unfortunate run-ins with the Health Centre each year she has been at York.

In her first year, she came to university having had a bad cough for two months. She saw Doctor Price – the subject of a previous complaint to Vision. The inhaler he gave her for the condition did nothing, and two weeks later she returned to see Dr Letham.

He diagnosed her with acute bronchitis and gave her antibiotics, after which her cough cleared up very quickly.

In the summer before her second year she was involved in a motorcycle accident which left her with a scar on her ankle.

She saw Dr Price to ask if anything could be done about the scarring. Price refused her treatment: “He told me I was being vain and shouldn’t have come to him.I left in tears.”

After Christmas Jessica went to Dr Letham and was treated differently: “He sent me to a dermatologist who was able to do something about it.”

SU Education and Welfare Officer Jenna Khalfan reacted with disbelief when we put these complaints to her, telling us “This would be so, so very funny if it wasn’t actually true.”

She urged students who feel uncomfortable about the Health Centre to change their doctor: “There are so many good practices in York – Fulford Surgery have taken a lot of students on and we’re happy to help them change.”

She also stressed that students who do feel badly treated should make a formal complaint.

The Health Centre has written to her, asking for a meeting to try and sort something positive out of a negative situation.

But Khalfan is not convinced the meeting will do any good: “it depends what is said, and whether they just want to improve their image or actually improve the service they are giving students.”

YORK VISION 07/05/02

NEWS FOCUS 5

‘I’m a professional object of curiosity’

ROB HARRIS speaks to York’s most famous and controversial graduate, CHRISTINE HAMILTON, ahead of her appearance at the GradBall SHE HAS dressed up as a drag queen, posed as Eve for a magazine and had cosmetic surgery live on television. Yet Christine Hamilton has never been able to celebrate her graduation from York.

The self-proclaimed ‘British Battleaxe’ will speak at July’s GradBall at Elvington Airfield as its star attraction.

There was no GradBall in her day.

A former Goodricke student, Christine has never been far from the limelight in recent years as she vigorously defended her husband, Neil, against sleaze allegations. Following that, the couple were both cleared of bizarre sex allegations.

Throughout our interview, Christine seemed desperate to put the past behind her. Any mention of the sleaze allegations the couple have faced provokes a well-rehearsed defence against what Christine describes as The Guardian’s ‘lies’.

So, what does Christine think about speaking to students that predominately read the newspaper that cost Neil his reputation?

“I’m not at all worried . . . you’ll grow

‘I expect Neil to have a massage — it depends who does it’ up!” Christine explained, while pointing students to her web site GuardianLies.com, which provides a detailed dissection of the couple’s battle against the newspaper.

Surprisingly, there has been no legal action against the web site, which describes the paper as having produced a “concocted tale”.

The GradBall will be Christine’s first return to a University event since she left in 1970: “I’ve been back to York several times and driven through the campus, but I’ve never actually been back to do anything.”

Although she is looking forward to

Under the gaze of the cameras as the Hamiltons arrive at the High Court in 1999 coming back, Christine says she hopes that “the natives are friendly”.

She fears not being greeted with a friendly reception- like the welcome Labour MP John Grogan received in Derwent when he was egged by Campus Tory Frank Young before last year’s election.

“I shall just walk out if people are unfriendly. I’m not going to put up with real unfriendliness. Life’s complicated enough,” she sighed.

“We’re fun people, we’re good sports, we like to have a good time. If people are going to sour the occasion it will just spoil it for everyone.

“If people treat us with an open mind and don’t just arrive with their Guardian prejudices to look clever in front of their friends, it should be fine.”

“Most people will not know the details about what they are talking about.

If they start to ask questions about things then I shall put them on the spot by finding out exactly how little they know.”

However, Hamilton continued to explain that they’ve never had anything but a friendly reception from students in the past.

Who can forgot the picture of

It’s all too much for Christine at the height of the rape accusations

Christine at the Oxford “snog-fest”, as her husband dubbed it?

The picture of her snogging a student was sold to The Sun for £6,000, but Christine claimed that she only kissed him for two seconds — probably less.

She ruled out giving any York students the same pleasure at the GradBall: “Certainly not!”

Christine isn’t very knowledgeable on popular culture, so I briefed her on the Ball’s line-up, which includes camp icons Right Said Fred.

She responded: “I’m a gay icon. Gay men like women with balls and they like tough women.”

I asked if she thought Neil would take advantage of the massage tent at the Ball: “I expect Neil will. It depends on who’s doing the massaging, doesn’t it!”

Hamilton recalls her time at York as marvellous: “I loved it. It’s a fabulous part of the world.”

The first two years of her time at York were spent living at Burtonstone Lane in Clifton, and then she moved onto campus for the first time “doing my best to concentrate”.

Christine remembers her “lovely” B block first floor room in Goodricke college, the newest at the time, overlooking the lake.

She was surprised to learn of the poor standard of the accommodation today: “It’s time the university pulled its socks up . . . and ended this discrimination.”

And she hasn’t ruled out a nostalgic return to her old room in July, probably incognito – “with a bag on my head”.

Surprisingly, Christine steered clear from campus politics: “I never got involved with anything like that - I was too busy in those days doing politics [Social Policy degree], meeting my husband and having a good time.”

On relationships, Christine was unusually discreet: “I had a good time.

Let’s leave it at that.”

However, she promises more insightful revelations about her student life in her autobiography, due out in 2003.

After the treatment she has received at the hands of the media you might think that Christine would shun the limelight.

She seems to thrive on it, accepting most requests to attend special events.

Since the Hamiltons were cleared of

rape allegations last summer, their career has taken off.

The couple are doing “masses of things”, from after-dinner speaking to filming cookery programmes for the BBC in Paris.

“We’re very serious people but we don’t take life seriously. We’re entertainers. I’m a professional object of curiosity.”

The media’s new fascination with the Hamiltons began with the documentary

by Louis Theroux.

It showed, according to Christine that: “We’re not the monsters we’ve been portrayed by newspapers like The Guardian.”

In fact, they got on “tremendously well” with Theroux, and have remained close friends with him. Only last week, he was at their Cheshire home for lunch.

The rape allegations themselves provided a traumatic time for the couple.

For days on end, cameras maintained live positions outside their Nether Alderly home.

Christine even broke down in tears live on Sky when she was accused of using the arrest to her own personal advantage.

She will be very pleased if the rape allegations make it to court. ‘‘It’s the most appalling experience to be arrested in such a public way and accused of vile sex crimes. ‘‘We were able to make it abundantly clear to everyone, apart from apparently the police, within 48 hours that the whole thing was a complete load of nonsense. What worries me is what happened behind the scenes.”

Christine angrily retorted: “Why were the police induced to arrest us when there was no evidence at all against us, and they actually had in their hands positive evidence that it couldn’t have happened. The only reason that it happened is because of money, isn’t it, — and of course Max Clifford.”

‘We left the make believe world of politics for the real world’

The Hamiltons always seem to try to make the best out of a bad situation and they’ve re-invented themselves after last summer’s scandal.

“We could have just disappeared but we kept going. It’s enabled people to see us as we really are.”

She denies the Hamiltons are merely a comedy couple: “The media don’t see us as a joke. The fact is we’re got a sense of humour and we laugh at ourselves.

That does not turn us into a joke.”

However, she is a big fan of the BBC’s Alistair MacGowan’s Big Impressions, which take off the couple in the new series.

Although she said: “It’s complete rubbish the portrayal. The idea I can’t turn on a light switch and Neil can’t open a boiled egg for himself is obviously utter rubbish. It’s killing!”

Ronni Ancona, who plays Christine, is brilliant according to the real Battleaxe: “She’s got a lot of my mannerisms very right.”

This week, Christine launches a new death-defying ride at Southport Pleasure Beach, where you get shot in the air at 85mph and then you free-fall. Christine will certainly be trying it.

But who would she also like to see launched into space?

“I’d like to shoot Max Clifford up in the air. He’s pretty grim, he can take Fayed with him!” she added.

In fact, she is delighted to see how much money ‘al’ Fayed was losing on Fulham the other day.

New career opportunities have prompted Christine to abandon her political roots.

She spent nearly three decades working at Westminster, starting as a research assistant to an MP after graduating,

‘I’d like to shoot Max Clifford up in the air, he’s grim’ before working for Neil after he entered Parliament in 1983.

“I couldn’t give a damm about politics. We’ve left the make believe world of politics for the real world of the media and entertainment.”

“I’m a liberated lady. I’ve joined the 98% of the population that doesn’t give a damm what happens at Westminster.

People should not arrive [at the GradBall] expecting me to be a political animal,” she told me.

She expresses no concern about state of the present Conservative Party.

Although when pressed on the current leader she said: “Good luck to Iain Duncan Smith. He’s a decent, straight, honest guy, which makes a change from the Prime Minister.”

Her relations with the party have been strained in recent years after the damage her husband’s alleged corruption brought on the Tories.

“William Hague couldn’t run fast enough in the other direction. He took himself much too seriously,” she told me.

She’s “not at all worried” by her potentially mainly left-wing audience at the Grad Ball and went as far as saying: “It’s important students should be left wing.”

Christine is a woman who has faced much adversity and many enemies in her life, but she has no regrets: “I only regret the things I don’t do.”

6 NEWS

YORK VISION 07/05/02

GradBall questions remain unanswered

Central Hall bar solution delayed

Tom Smithard

Sarah Bowden IT LOOKS increasingly unlikely that renovations to convert Central Hall into a central bar and venue will be completed in time for the start of the next academic year.

No building work has begun as yet, despite the opportunity provided by the Easter holiday, and exams are timetabled in the hall throughout the summer term.

SU Services Officer Dan Simon told Vision: “We’re no further on than we were two months ago. It would be foolish to think it will be done before October.”

His scepticism was enforced by the reaction of Admin at their most recent meeting: “I said that we’re thinking about holding Freshers’ Bash in there. Their faces just said it all.”

The SU maintains that the £1500,000 changes will by no means make Central Hall an ideal venue. It is unlikely to be available for many events during the summer term because of its function as an exam venue.

Initially, project manager Julian Bradshaw discussed plans for more extensive building work. These included a bridge between Central Hall and Vanbrugh Paradise, and the possibility of dovetailing the bottom of the Hall, which would substantially increase its projected capacity of 750. While these ideas are not viable considering the amount of money designated for the project, Simon believes that they are long term possibili-

Going nuts about money One lucky conference guest wins a prize as Langwith Quad is transformed into a carnival marquee, during a meeting of British university finance directors over Easter PHOTO: TOM HAZELDINE ties that the university would seriously consider given the necessary time and funding.

However, even finding the time to carry out the renovation work is proving to be a problem.

Bradshaw calculated that the work would only take four full days and could feasibly be completed within a six-week period, depending on other demands for use of the hall.

Simon expressed concern over access to the building: “If they haven’t got time to do building work then when are they going to find time to put on events?”

GRADBALL tickets, on sale from today at £65, may soon have their price reduced if not enough meal tickets are sold.

The SU could also offer a cheaper ticket to stimulate sales if the initial take-up is slow.

Alex Ball, the GradBall publicity officer, refused to rule it out. “I don’t know. At the moment we’re concentrating on selling these 1,250 tickets.

That is as much as I can tell you,” he said.

He went on to defend the £10 price rise on last year’s tickets.

“Essentially ticket prices have remained the same for three years, so just taking into account inflation, it was bound to go up. There’s also all sorts of little attractions that are going on around the night; little things that will not necessarily make people buy tickets, but will make it much better value for them on the night.”

The main reason for the increase is to incorporate a sit-down silver-service meal in place of the buffet format.

Like the current ticket situation, the advertising for the main acts of the night may be also misleading.

Headlining GradBall is Goldie, a 36-year-old jungle performer whose last album was released, and bombed, in 1998. Goldie’s recent performances have consisted only of DJ sets, with no performance of his own back-catalogue.

Sonia Mullett A CAMPUS-WIDE break down of YorCash machines last week led to chaos as students were unable to do their washing, and has prompted Admin to change the system.

All YorCash machines apart from those in Halifax were out of order. The only other alternative to the card system used in laundrette facilities across campus is the token system, which only operates in Fairfax House and Halifax College.

The University’s Retail Manager Andrew Gilroy told Vision that they are “currently working on a new laundrette strategy for campus”.

Gilroy, who has only recently become

Gill Rickson, Station Manager of URY, is disappointed with the line-up: “There is nothing there that would entice people to go. I’m very surprised that they’ve booked a jungle act, as there aren’t many fans of that genre in York. An indie band like Ash [who headlined last year] would have been better as they are universally popular.’’

Vision has also been informed that one of the companies booked to help stage the GradBall has a reputation for ‘cost-effectiveness’ that in the past has endangered safety.

The company, based outside of York, were once invited to help stage an event in the Barbican, but were almost expelled by the in-house team after using equipment deemed ‘extremely unsafe’.

“The technical manager of the Barbican was amazed by what he saw,’’ said one source. ‘‘Wooden beams and sheets of plywood were hanging from little more than coat-hooks.”

Alex Ball insisted: “They’ve been booked because they’ll provide the best deal, the most financially sensible detail. I’m sure that the people involved in booking the company were aware of [the situation] and I’m sure they’ve had guarantees that it won’t happen again.”

An SU deal with Nestlé, consistently branded an unethical corporation, has also provoked concern. The deal, worth £800, will lead to the After Eight brand to be displayed prominently on advertising and at the Ball itself. YorkLEAF said: We can’t let them get away with it – boycott Nestlé.”

Dirty students let down by Admin responsible for washing machines at the university, hinted that students can look forward to an “improved ambiance” in their laundrettes.

Meanwhile, it has emerged that in one month alone there were over 130 incidents involving the failure of the laundry facilities.

Catering and Domestic Officer Roy Whitaker conceded such problems could represent “a normal month”.

On improvements to the system, Whitaker added: “A report carried out for the Business Services Consultative Committee showed that the YorCash machines were reliable and almost never out of action, in fact any break down in

service was always responded to quickly.”

However there will be a new strategy according to Andrew Gilroy, which is likely to include doubling the number of washing machines and dryers in Wentworth College from four to eight over the summer.

It is expected that students from James and Goodricke College will take advantage of the increase in Wentworth’s washing facilities, which an Admin report cited as “over and above the College’s needs.”

The YorCash machines, which are maintained by Locktec, were introduced at the beginning of this academic year replacing Mondex.

YORK VISION 07/05/02

POLITICS 7

So what did happen at Jenin?

Sharif Hamadeh ALTHOUGH YASSER Arafat is now free to leave his previously besieged compound in Ramallah, his freedom has come at a cost.

We may never know what truly happened in Jenin.

Apparently exasperated with Israel's repeated refusal to allow the United Nations' fact-finding team into the Palestinian refugee camp, Kofi Annan has said he intends to disband the mission.

The comments of UN secretary-general followed an Israeli cabinet decision to block the mission for a third time since the UN Security Council proposed to send it on 19 April.

The Israelis had a series of objections to the mandate of the investigation, insisting they should be able to decide who was interviewed and what documents were reviewed during the fact-finding process.

They demanded assurances that the investigation would not reach any conclusions, and that any evidence it collected would not be used in war crimes prosecutions.

Israel believes any investigation should also examine the activities of Palestinian "terrorists" in the camps over the last few months.

UN investigators have deemed these conditions unworkable, and Mr Annan con-

demned Israel for its refusal to co-operate with the mission.

Amid widespread accusations of war crimes and human rights abuses, Ariel Sharon continued to assert that the Israeli armed forces "do not have any-

Larsen, has described the destruction of the camp as "horrifying beyond belief".

A senior Labour MP, Gerald Kaufman, told the Commons last Monday that if Israel continued to flout UN Security

no decent person can condone," he said.

Christian Aid's Dominic Nutt told the BBC on Thursday that Israeli troops ransacked and damaged the West Bank offices of non-governmental organisa-

tions and the Palestinian Authority, as well as refugee homes, schools, and cultural centres. Describing the gratuitousness involved he spoke of finding "pornography left on floors" and "excrement smeared up walls" in addition to smashed

up computers and furniture.

Ariel Sharon- described by President Bush as "a man of peace"- has inevitably met opposition from voices within Israel for his recent policies, which he says are designed to destroy the infrastructure of terror.

Azmi Bishara, an ArabIsraeli Member of the Knesset, disputes Sharon's definition of terror, claiming in Egypt's Al Ahram that, "his campaign [is] to terrorise Palestinian society systematically."

Uri Avnery, a prominent Israeli peace campaigner, wrote recently that Sharon's plans had little to do with combating terrorism.

"His program is far more radical,” he wrote, “to break the backbone of the Palestinian people, crush their governmental institutions, turn people into human wreckage that can be dealt with as he wishes.

“This may entail shutting them up in several enclaves or even driving them out of the country altogether.

"As Sharon sees it, this would be finishing off the job he started in 1948: to establish a real Israel, from the Mediterranean to the Jordan river; a state inhabited solely by Jews. It was no accident that he openly supported Slobodan Milosevic, the inventor of 'ethnic cleansing'."

The decision to call off the mission to Jenin has been viewed with some suspicion in

pressures, the Middle East appears to be one of the few foreign policy areas on which voices in Congress have dared to criticise Bush since September 11th.

This is of course not to mention the more highly publi-

cised rifts in the administration itself, particular between the Defence and State department. If current US efforts at mediation have already resulted in such domestic hostility, it is difficult to see how the Bush administration could ever sat-

The crushed remains of a United Nations vehicle following Israel’s invasion of the Jenin refugee camp thing to hide."

The Palestinians say the number of civilian casualties resulting from the Israeli offensive amount to a massacre, and that events in Jenin deserve investigation. The UN envoy to the Middle East, Terje Roed-

Council resolution 1405, an arms ban and sanctions should be imposed.

Earlier last month the Jewish MP expressed his outrage at the policies of the Israeli government. "What is going on in that country is something that

the Middle East. The United States typically vetoes any resolutions that come before the UN Security Council that deal with the Israeli-Palestinian conflict.

It was with some surprise

‘What is going on in that country is something that no decent person can condone’ GERALD KAUFMAN MP that resolution 1405 passed. Any recommendations to apply further pressure on Israel to comply with resolution 1405 would probably be vetoed by the US. Israel has agreed to end the siege of Yasser Arafat. It has also signed up to an AngloAmerican initiative allowing six Palestinians accused of various crimes by Israel to serve their time in a Palestinian prison.

These concessions came under considerable diplomatic pressure from Washington. It is unlikely that the US will force Sharon to do more, meaning no co-operation with the UN factfinding mission.

Arafat's attention will now be focussed on resolving the crisis in Bethlehem, and Jenin may well be forgotten.

Get your act together Chris Cermak IT IS difficult to find a coherent strategy in the current US administration's policy on the Middle East.

This is no more true than in its attempts to convince Israel to withdraw from the West Bank.

On April 19, two weeks after calls for an immediate withdrawal, Bush declared himself satisfied with Prime Minister Ariel Sharon's steps to end the Israeli incursion.

“Israel started withdrawing quickly after our call from smaller cities on the West Bank. History will show that they've responded.”

A week later, Bush renewed his demand that Israel withdraw entirely from the West Bank.

Israel continued its offensive regardless, insisting it was working as quickly as possible.

It is not difficult to see why this half-hearted attempt at mediation has not pleased the Arab world. However, even the administrations’ reluctant

pressuring of Sharon, combined with US insistence in dealing with Palestinian Authority leader Yasser Arafat, has met with fierce resistance at home.

While in the rest of the world, people took to the streets to protest against Israel's incursion into the West Bank, approximately 100,000 travelled to Washington D.C. on April 16th for the 'National Rally in Solidarity With Israel'.

It attracted a multitude of guest speakers including former Israeli Prime Minister Binyamin Netanyahu, former New York Mayor Rudi Giuliani and Deputy Defence Secretary Paul Wolfowitz, who was booed for mentioning that Israelis "are not the only victims of violence in the Middle East...".

A recent Washington Post/ABC poll showed that 49 percent of US sympathies lie with Israel, compared with 14 percent for the Palestinians.

While the US has always been supportive of Israel, the

Peter Edwards OVER THE Easter vacation some may have missed the news that has already changed our generation's vision of the future. A deaf lesbian couple in Maryland, US, attracted widespread disbelief from their decision to deliberately conceive a deaf baby.

Through a friend with five generations of deafness in his family, one of the couple conceived a child who they hoped and expected to be deaf.

The man had fathered a child for the couple previously, but it was only on this occasion that the couple actively sought a handicapped child.

This throws up to two major concerns, but first we should examine the reasons behind Sharon Duchesneau and Candy McCullough's decision.

equation of Israel's conflict with America's war on terrorism has increased sympathy for that which Israel is up against.

This argument has also caused a wide conglomeration of Conservative interest groups to rally behind the Israeli cause. In past governments, Republicans were traditionally freer to disapprove of Israel's policies, as America's strong Jewish lobby primarily voted democratic anyway.

Sending Powell to meet Arafat contradicts Bush The new upsurge in antiterrorist rhetoric has changed all this. Conservative groups argue that sending Powell to meet with Arafat directly contradicts Bush's doctrine of not negotiating with states that sponsor terrorism.

Aside from these outside

Bush meets Crown Prince Abdullah of Saudia Arabia in peace talks

Two deaf lesbians and a baby The couple, both in their thirties, are mental health specialists and deaf therapists. They believed that they would be better able to understand the child's development were he or she to be born deaf.

Viewing deafness as a cultural identity rather than a disability, Ms Duchesneau said on their behalf, "It would be nice to have a deaf child who is the same as us. A hearing baby would be a blessing. A deaf baby would be a special blessing."

We must try to understand why a couple would deliberately seek a handicapped baby, and also, whether the state has a right to intervene in that most private of acts, conception.

The child, Gauvin, is profoundly deaf in his left ear and has only residual hearing in his right, which is likely to get worse. The parents refused doctors' suggestion that he be fitted with a hearing aid, saying that they would leave the choice to the child when he is older.

However, could we expect a 16 or 18 year old, going through the other dilemmas of adolescence, to cope with such a decision?

It is baffling why the couple should inflict such a negative experience on their child. Despite the couple's protestations, deafness will harm Gauvin's quality of life in ways that they may not have imagined. One does not doubt

their love for Gauvin, but he will miss out on so many pleasures that the hearing enjoy every day.

Sign language is an important and eloquent means of communication, but can it ever capture all the nuances and tones that one uses in speech? Is there any hearing person who became deaf, that does not regret the passing of such a major part of life?

As surprising as the story of the child's birth is the role of law in this case. The sperm bank refuses donors with a disability such as this, but it is otherwise difficult to imagine legal intervention after the baby has been conceived.

Rightly, no one would countenance

isfactorily play the role of mediator in the conflict.

At the same time it is clear that a hands-off approach, while advocated in the same poll mentioned above by half of the US public, is not the answer either.

abortion for babies predicted to be deaf, but there may be a role for governments to prohibit parents selecting the handicap of their baby. Would a dyslexic woman seek a dyslexic sperm donor in order to have a child? And should this be permitted by the State?

The State's right to intervene in family life has long been debated, but few could have seen this most recent incarnation of a very old question.

Private attempts to create babies with other handicaps are now possible, so Parliaments across the world should consider legislation. In ten or twenty years' time such children could have behavioural problems brought on by the knowledge that their parents wished them deaf, or perhaps blind.

Will they be convinced that it was in their interests to go through life handicapped?

8 POLITICS

07/05/02 YORK VISION

I do hate to be beside the seaside Iain Lindley

French Fascist surge

This week, Le Pen stands against Chirac in an election that could potentially result in the appointment of France’s first fascist President. John Maunder calls for resistance.

MAKE NO mistake, JeanMarie Le Pen is the political heir of Hitler's Nazis and their war time Vichy collaborators in France.

At that time thousands of French political "undesirables", Jews, gays and the disabled were flung into prisons and camps and then murdered. The Vichy regime aided the Nazis in loading the wagon carts for Dachau and Auschwitz.

A look at the background of Le Pen will show that he comes from this ilk. His career began in the French army helping to suppress the Algerian independence movement in the 1960's. He witnessed the May events of 1968 in Paris where students took part in demonstrations against university conditions and 10 million workers joined a general strike.

Ideas of Nationalism were torn down as black and white

united and struggled together.

Horrified by these events, Le Pen set up the Front Nationale in 1972 in order to oppose black immigration and stamp on the resistance of those sections of society who had challenged the status quo in 1968.

He has a string of court convictions for anti-Semitic comments including his 1987 asser-

We need a counter- offensive by all those who say “never forget” to Nazi atrocities tion that the Holocaust was "a minor detail of history".

Whenever Front Nationale have won local council seats, racist attacks have shot up. Suit and tie

Nazis in the council chambers give the green light for Nazi boot boys on the streets to terrorise anyone they dislike.

In the current general election Le Pen has talked of France being "submerged by immigrants", and his key policies have included the creation of 200,000 new prison places and the abolition of inheritance tax.

Nazis don't just terrorise Blacks and Jews but also the poor.

Le Pen is clever and likes to pretend his policies have moderated, but don't be fooled. As the BNP Fuhrer, Nick Griffen recently stated, "there's a difference between selling out your ideas and selling your ideas.. ..that means saleable words....freedom, security, identity, democracy. Nobody can criticise them". Nazi's are experts at PR. What needs to happen now is a counter-offensive by all who

Speaker: Rory Palmer Date: 12th March, 2002 Venue: University of York Student Assembly Against Racism Host: The LSE Socialist Worker Student Society Title: NO CAMPUS REFUGE FOR THE BNP IT’S VERY easy for us at a small, campus based university to ignore the outside world.

We like to think that on campus we live in a safe environment where racial, religious and cultural tolerance are automatic privileges; thankfully, they largely are.

But now alarming details are coming to light. The BNP are infiltrating the student movement, and are doing so rapidly.

Until a couple of weeks ago I would not have known that such organisations were present and active within student populations.

I found it hard to believe that the BNP even has a youth section, and even harder to believe that they are active locally in Leeds and also in York. Even our prefab campus utopia at York could be under threat. We cannot afford to shy away from fighting this threat. Whilst acknowledging the problems within the student movement, we must consider wider society; problems within the student movement mirror problems outside as well.

The events in Oldham and Burnley are only the tip of the iceberg. Local elections this year will yet again provide a forum for racist and fascist extremism.

As a Trade Unionist, I am a member of a historic movement

which is built on tolerance, respect and equality.

However, racism is evident within the Trade Union movement. The TUC took action and has introduced a racial awareness audit scheme, where each union has to evaluate its policies and practices every two years.

Hopefully this arrangement will mean that soon the Trade Union movement can legitimately and absolutely claim to be a completely tolerant movement, free of the evil grasps of racism,

bigotry and fascism.

I would call on students’ unions, with the support of NUS, to undertake a similar audit system. Whilst we hope that we do not harbour racism and other evils, recent events are demanding a need for mechanisms to defend and fight this.

I would also welcome a NoPlatform policy here at York. I will openly support this and I sincerely hope it is something we can achieve this year. This is a fight that we must win.

say "never forget" to Nazi atrocities. As soon as Le Pen's success was made known thousands of people in French cities went out on to the street to demonstrate.

From past battles against the far-right two lessons can be learned. Firstly, a mass united campaign of students, pensioners, Trade Unionists and politicians has to stop the far right from functioning. Stop them meeting, stop them marching on the street, and demoralise them.

Secondly, split the hard core Nazis from the soft racists.

Positive challenges to poverty and unemployment help to unite people and start to tackle the causes of the despair that Nazi's feed off.

And while we watch in horror at events in France we also need to remember to tackle Le Pens allies in the BNP in our own towns and cities.

FOUR DAYS, nothing done.

Executive members that don't seem to be bothered, motions not debated, a general lack of scrutiny from those in charge.

Welcome to NUS Annual Conference, 2002, straight from the Winter Gardens in a surprisingly sunny Blackpool.

The Conference had it all, except media coverage of course. Even the NUS website only initially thought the event worthy of about 300 words.

That's about £1000 per word, in case you were wondering where the YUSU affiliation fee was spent.

Even the most experienced spin doctor would have difficulty hiding the NUS President’s lack of support for arguably the only constructive point of the entire debacle opposition to a graduate tax.

Motions on student welfare and involvement were jettisoned for lack of time; the National Executive Committee (and most of the delegates) seemed to find an extra half hour in bed a far more pressing concern.

Provision was made on Monday to ratify the Black Students' Officer as a full-time position before most of the delegates had found out the quickest way to the bar, but beyond that any constructive debate was lost in a sea of procedural motions.

On the final morning, one particular faction decided that

For Soap Box contributions email us at politics@vision.york.ac.uk

Even the NUS website only thought the conference worthy of 300 words It's not difficult to think then, given such a farce, that the actual election of the NEC is almost entirely undermined, regardless of the factional jockeying for position.

If the NUS is incapable of mandating policy for the executive to act on, then the ballots for the sabbatical positions become nothing more than a political sideshow.

NUS presenting a united front on student issues? NUS providing an effective lobbying group that delivers results for the students in this country?

There's more chance of a photocopier in Your:Shop.

Iain Lindley was York delegation leader at the Conference

Blunkett’s blunders Hussain Ismail DAYS AFTER the news broke of Le Pen’s success in France, David Blunkett declared that children of refugees were now "swamping" British schools, and would be better off learning in detentions centres.

Many critics were alarmed by his use of the term "swamping", which brought back memories of Thatcher’s warning of ‘alien cultures’ on the eve of winning the 1979. Her odious remarks were openly racist, and Blunkett is heading the same way.

This is not the first time that the Home Office Minster has made such pronouncements on race.

It is the latest in a strategy to win over sections of the electorate by pandering to their xenophobic fears.

He previously suggested that arranged marriages to those from the sub-continent should be outlawed. Such remarks play straight into the hands of the Nazis. New Labour were so desperate

Labour has tried to outmanoeuvre the far right by playing the race card. Blunkett is only helping the BNP to grow by giving their views much needed credibility

The BNP leader on the campaign trail

the best way to speed up proceedings would be to invade the platform.

Apparently they were quite keen to discuss Palestine ahead of student welfare; a case of adopting warped tactics to match their priorities?

In the event, neither were discussed.

to avoid being decimated by the far right at local elections towns such as Burnley and Oldham that they have tried to out- manoeuvre them by playing the race card.

Chirac applied the same methods against Le Pen in France during the 80s and 90s, with various derogatory statements about North Africans. As we have seen, this only encourages facism. Still more unforgivable was the way Mitterand’s

Socialist Party used Le Pen's National Front to their advantage. In 1986 Mitterand, introduced a proportional representation system in France that permitted the National Front to gain seats. It was a cynical ploy and ultimately backfired.

New Labour is becoming increasingly unpopular especially amongst core Labour supporters.

Their disillusionment stems largely from Blair’s failure to deal with the increasing disparity between rich and poor. Labour seems increasingly hopeless due to the lack of substantial differences between themselves and the Conservatives.

The electorate is not apathetic, but cynical of our shameless and dishonest politicians. The BNP is feeding off Britain’s despair, and Blunkett is only helping them to grow by giving their views much needed credibility.

YORK VISION 07/05/02

POLITICS 9

It’s time for an IDS revolution This year’s Conservative Party Spring Forum promised to create a more positive and progressive party. Campus Tory chair Richard Price was there.

SPRING IS a time of resurrection and new life, and it was with such thoughts in mind that I approached the Conservative Spring Forum in Harrogate.

This was to be a conference where the new-look Tory Party would communicate a serious and credible message on the future of the public services. Or was it to be a premature birth, attracting nobody but political junkies and predatory satirists?

On arriving, I was pleasantly surprised not to be greeted with the sea of grey usually present at such events. Were the 'blue rinse brigade' merely hibernating in their caves for the autumn jamboree in Bournemouth? Or has the folliclly challenged IDS genuinely succeeded in reaching out to the British youth, who proved so elusive to his predecessor?

Either way, anyone stuck in their ways did well to stay at home, for something verging on the revolutionary was being hatched. Here was a new 'caring' Conservatism, enunciating a compassion for the vulnerable in

society and a concern for those most in need. Such sentimentality could not have being doing Mrs T's heart condition a great deal of good, but it certainly improved my mood.

At the same meeting in 2001, Ann Widdecombe had berated cannabis users and asylum seekers. William Hague had spoke of a 'foreign land' of an encroaching European Union being slyly created under Tony Blair, like some sort of great world conspiracy.

If the message was intended to scare the British people into voting Conservative, it smacked of old-age paranoia and irrationalism.

The activists may have lapped it up, but the country rejected such a reactionary message. This year speakers focused on laying out positive alternatives, rather than simply castigating the present government.

The shadow Health Secretary, Dr Liam Fox, continued with calls for a radical turn around in the Health Service. He wants to meet clinical and medical needs

rather than cynical government targets created for the purposes of spin. Such targets are undermining the commitment and devotion to public service of the over-worked, dedicated hospital staff.

If the revival of the NHS necessitates more private involvement, then so be it; there must be no ideological straitjacketing.

Iain Duncan Smith finished the weekend with a moving leader's speech. He spoke with sincerity of his shock on viewing scenes of such decline and hardship in Glasgow's Easterhouse

Consistency, integrity, humility and compassion are the watchwords of the Tory way ahead

Democracy under threat in Gibraltar “dispute” over the territory, while Spain has Gavin Aitchison threatened to continue to restrict Gibraltar's role in the EU if the deal is not agreed. To their credit, the Gibraltarian people have SIX WEEKS ago, 25,000 of the 30,000 refused these coercions.

Democracy is entirely dependent upon inhabitants of Gibraltar took to the streets to protest against the British government the principle of self-determination. It was the for entering into talks with Spain about overriding factor in post-war decolonisation; it is what Britain fought for in the Falklands, the future of the colony.

Their message was clear - they had no and it has formed the basis of the British desire to change their present status, and approach to the situation in Northern Ireland wanted to remain British. Not Spanish. Not for thirty years.

It is also the principle that the Spanish jointly Spanish and British. Just British.

The Spanish have attempted to regain government themselves have repeatedly control of the Rock ever since it was passed emphasised in talks with Morocco over the to Britain in 1704, and as European harmony contested territories of Ceuta and Melilla.

The only principle which should matter is that of self-determination, the right of a people to decide who governs them, and how.

Gibraltar’s Chief Minister Peter Caruana shelters from the sun with Jack Straw becomes increasingly important, Blair appears willing to accommodate the Spanish claim. Talks seem to be reaching a climax, and an agreement upon shared-sovereignty looks set to be concluded shortly.

The deal promises "lasting practical benefits and a stronger economy" to the people of Gibraltar. Generally speaking, such aims are commendable; however in this case they equate to little more than bribery and blackmail. The EU has promised increased funding if Britain and Spain can resolve their

The two governments' willingness to now bypass the principle in order to improve Anglo-Spanish relations and appease the EU smacks of hypocrisy and betrayal.

The British government maintain that any agreement should be put to the people of Gibraltar in a referendum- a point that the Spaniards remain unhappy with.

However a referendum should only be used when there is uncertainty over the will of the people, as was the case in Scotland and Wales in 1997. No such feeling exists in Gibraltar, where the unity of identity can surely be unrivalled throughout the world.

Calling a referendum would indicate to the people of Gibraltar that the British government supported joint sovereignty with Spain 'in principle'. But in matters of constitutional change, the only principle which

estate. Such deprivation should not be tolerated in a first world country.

He also spoke of how impressed he had been at the work of local volunteer community groups trying to tackle the scourge of heroin addiction and its related problems. Never again should the Conservative Party neglect such areas.

Despite all the talk of "freedom" at the conference, there was to be no discussion of the cannabis issue.

The ghost of the Widdecombe reaction has yet to be laid to rest, and for time being the Liberal Democrats have stolen our clothes on that one.

I would also like to have heard more on the student debt issue, and can only hope these issues will not continue to be shirked.

Any concrete policies were noticeably thin on the ground, but with the election still several years away, we can afford to consult widely and listen to the many in order to formulate the most appropriate policies.

should matter is that of self-determination; the right of a people to decide who governs them, and how.

We should not enter into talks with Spain and then essentially try to bribe the people of Gibraltar into accepting the outcome. The government should only consider negotiation if and when it ever becomes apparent that there is division of opinion on the Rock over where it's inhabitants' sovereignty should lie.

It is morally wrong for the British and Spanish governments, and the EU, to attempt to lecture the people of Gibraltar on what is in their economic interests. The Gibraltarians have made it perfectly clear that their nationality is not for sale, and that they deem their right to self-determination as more valuable than anything which the EU or Spain has to offer.

It is now up to the British government to decide whether they rate such democratic fundamentals as highly as the Gibraltarian people. Unfortunately it looks like they have already decided that political expediency is more important.

Protest in Gibraltar earlier this year

Ian Duncan Smith may at last have something to smile about Consistency, integrity, humility and compassion are the watchwords of the Conservative way ahead. The polls are changing in our favour, and dismissals of the Conservative opposition as the 'Loony Right' will no longer wash.

Having voted for Kenneth Clarke in the leadership contest, I've been slowly digesting my headwear since September.

Iain Duncan Smith is shep-

herding the Party back to the crowded centre-ground where British elections have almost always been won.

The Conservative Party has emerged out of it's inward-looking shell of the late nineties, and is spoiling for a fight.

The Spring forum saw promising new buds of life waiting to blossom in full on a glorious, reliable, hardy, old oak. This tree's not for chopping just yet.

Scotland’s last Tory Will Shaw THERE MUST be something about Peter Duncan. After the 2001 general election, he was the only Conservative MP to save his seat as the Scottish National Party all but swept the board.

In March, he came to address a small audience of York students. As soon as he begins to speak, you can see where his appeal lies.

On the future of the Conservative party, Duncan seems both modest and realistic. Last year’s election was "dreadful", he says. "We have no God given right to government".

He comes across as extremely charismatic, although on occasions his dynamism verges on the cantankerous and even rabid.

Take for example his views on the opposition. Certain members of the Lib Dems are "corrupt, back-biting swine", whilst the Glasgow SNP are apparently "the nastiest left wing socialists you'll find".

But even on occasions such as these, he manages to maintain the attention of a youthful audience, an occurrence all too rare in contemporary politics.

He argues that the decaying state of the party under William Hague was largely due to a failure to identify the real concerns of the electorate.

The majority of the general public were simply not concerned enough about the future of the pound and immigration to turn out at the polls.

He claims that a resurgence of support for the Conservatives can only be achieved through offering to

deal with the issues that really matter to British people on a daily basis: health, education, crime, and transport.

On other pressing issues further afield, Duncan admits that the West's reaction to the Israeli occupation of Palestine has been inadequate. However, he does not support the idea of an enforced boycott on Israeli products, believing that this should be a choice left to the individual.

He maintains that the Conservative party is an “open church" with room for everyone,. That's as maybe, but if tonight's 12-strong audience is anything to go by, the Conservatives don't appear is diverse as Mr Duncan would portray them.

The Conservative party may be an open Church, but does any one actually want to come in?

So what's turning people off? Outside I engage in conversation with a member of the campus Tories. We speak for only minutes but in this time he tells me that Enoch Powell is his hero.

He goes on to state, quite without irony, that Powell's policy of assisted voluntary repatriation for foreigners was a perfectly valid and admirable idea. It should be noted that the only party at present to support such a policy is the BNP. No doubt the majority of Conservatives do not share these opinions, but remarks like these make most young people recoil.

Unless the Conservatives can disassociate themselves from such cranky and insensitive views, the “open Church” will remain empty for a long time yet.

10 COMMENT

07/05/02 YORK VISION

YORK VISION Health Centre: still critical

W

ell here's another fine mess they've gotten themselves into: the case of Liz Gilbertson. This time, no questionable clinical judgement, just inept organisation. If someone needs medical tests to find out what's wrong with them, these tests need to be processed without delay.

Yet Liz waited days for the results which she needed in order to establish exactly what was wrong with her.

Without these tests, the Health Centre could not know if they had given her the best medication. As it turned out, their diagnosis was wrong. Liz spent her own money on antibiotics that did nothing to help her condition. So why were the tests delayed?

It's something we'd very much like to know, but the Health Centre refused to speak to our reporters. We gave the doctor on duty an opportunity to respond. We were told he did not want to speak to us. 'No comment' said the flustered receptionists.

So we can't put forward the Health Centre's side of the case. They have decided not to defend themselves.

Where, then, do we go from here? We know for certain that the Health Centre has responded to the Vision campaign. They've approached the Students' Union to find out why they've been getting such bad press. Anyone could tell them the answer to that: they're not doing a good enough job.

Vision wants to see a more open and accountable Health Centre. It's not good enough to have informal meetings behind closed doors. If students have grievances about the way they've been treated, they should take the time to make an official complaint. And they should tell Vision. We can make sure that complaints don't get buried under a mountain of paperwork. The Health Centre has already started to try and improve its public relations. Only by continuing the campaign can we convince the Health Centre that its problems are more than skin deep.

On the make and on the take

T

hat's how a High Court judge described Neil Hamilton in 1999. Neil will, of course, be at the GradBall, ever supportive of his wife Christine. Vision hopes he has a pleasant evening - he has a lot in common with this year's event.

No one at Vision is accusing anyone on the SU of being on the make. They won't make a penny, even if the event's a huge success. It traditionally makes a loss, and as it’s the last event of the year for the Services Officer to organise before leaving his/her job, there’s no pressure for this situation to change.

Maybe not on the make, but on the take? Well, students who buy their tickets today are gambling with their £65. Especially those who can't really afford the price but have made sacrifices to get the money together, and would much rather avoid the Chicken Supreme if it meant they could afford to have a few drinks on the night.

The SU have refused to tell Vision whether or not they will be selling cheaper tickets which don't include the meal at a later date.

So students are being kept in the dark in the hope that they'll fork out now and won’t mind later. We've tried to get clarification on the issue, but they’re not answering our questions. What will it take to get this cleared up? Brown envelopes and Mohammed Al-Fayed?

Roses success

“T

he overwhelming sense is one of a foregone conclusion" (Lancaster Scan). The Lancaster AU President boasted of what he’d do "after we win”.

As York braved the hail of abuse, Martin Styles, AU President, said that victory was "like a cheesy Hollywood movie with the twists and turns. We thought we had it in the bag, we thought we lost it, then we won it."

This historic away victory, the first in a decade, was only the seventh away win for either side since '67.

Having shivered in Lancaster's shadow since 1973, next year’s home fixture promises more glory and a lead at last. Full credit must be given to Styles, his committee, and all who took part in a weekend that will rightly become part of university legend.

Letters

We welcome all contributions, from students and staff, about issues featured in Vision or those that you feel should be brought to students’ attention. Letters, which should not exceed 250 words, may be edited for clarity or space.

LETTERS@VISION.YORK.AC.UK

VISION LETTERS, GRIMSTON HOUSE

Don’t give a platform to the BNP YUSU along with the wider student movement prides itself on its commitment to equal opportunities and its active approach to combating all forms of discrimination.

The student movement has historically led key liberation, equality and anti-discrimination campaigns; setting an example to wider society.

Indeed it is the students and young people of France that are leading the protests against the electoral success of Neo-Nazi Jean Marie Le Pen. Closer to home students have been active in campaigning against the extreme Right in

this years local elections. The extreme Right have being exploiting social problems in a number of communities over the past year with a view to claiming a political platform for this years local elections.

The BNP have used this year’s local elections as a platform to propagate their racist and fascist views. The BNP are targeting universities and colleges as potential bases of new membership.

As absurd as this sounds it is very real; the BNP’s youth leader is a student in Leeds. It is crucial that we combat this threat in a sensible and effective

way. One way of fighting this treat is by implementing a NoPlatform Policy.

A No-Platform Policy would ban known racists and fascists from speaking at any YUSU event; the policy would also prohibit YUSU Officers (sabbatical and non-sabbatical) from sharing a platform with a known racist or fascist.

YUSU has a very successful equal opportunities policy, a No-Platform Policy will compliment this and strengthen it further.

The argument that a NoPlatform Policy denies freedom of speech is not valid. Much of

Times when Satan has the Blues You are wrong in your assertion that the recent SU elections spell the death of the Campus Tories (‘Smithard’s Election’, 09/03/02).

I can assure you I don't have any of them scheduled to arrive for a good long time, and some of them won't be coming here at all.

Their performance in the most recent election left a lot to be desired, true, but it was a lot better than some of their less recent attempts.

At least two of the candidates knew full well that they wouldn't be winning, as they'd

sold their souls to me a little earlier to find out the results.

Hence Nick Toms didn't really feel that there was any point in making a serious effort, since a) I'd told him he was going to lose b) he's going to hell anyway, so why go for a welfare post in an attempt to get there sooner?

Three of the Tories did very well, considering that they're Tories.

However, Iain Lindley [Campaigns Officer candidate] damn well should have won, and I'll be talking to my upstairs neighbour about that

one. Ah well, the barbeque's heated up nicely, and we're expecting a few socialists anytime now, so I'll leave it there.

Can't have my minions doing everything now can I? See you soon, Beelezebub Smith Okay, being serious for a minute, this is a JOKE, sent by a couple of the Campus tories Kathy Morrison and Chris Payne. We thought it would be a good giggle, please publish it!

Fab paper btw, it may not like us, but we like it!!!

Hes Hall protest a disgraceful sham Our Students’ Union is supposed to be run by, and for, students. This has almost entirely ceased to be the case.

It is run exclusively by paid officers, who have little or no contact with actual students, and unelected staff. The 8,000 plus members of the union have no realistic chance to get their views across.

The sit-in was a sham [Hes Hall protest]. The idea behind it was to create a situation where the University, in response to a demonstration,

could grant pre-agreed ‘concessions’ that would allow the Students’ Union administration to accept major security cuts, while portraying it as a victory.

As soon as the sit-in began, the main concern of leading Students’ Union officers was to end it as soon as possible to avoid any personal embarrassment for them when they next meet Admin officials - hence the repeated votes on leaving.

Our union is falling apart.

Anyone who believes we can build an organisation to fight for the interests of students should consider action to force union officers to pay attention to what students actually want- freedom of information to stop decisions continually being taken secretly, or being buried in mountains of minutes.

Remember, anything about our union we want to change, we can change.

Name supplied

what the BNP says, along with other extreme groups, is intended to stir up racial hatred. This is a criminal offence. Our constitution gives us the right, as members of YUSU, to freedom of speech “within the law”.

By supporting the introduction of a No-Platform Policy you are supporting the fight against racism, fascism and the extreme groups that propagate these evils.

You are also protecting the democratic values that are the fabric of our union.

Jen Khalfan and Rory Palmer

Film for thought I attended York Independent Film Festival and was interested to see what press there would be after the event (yes obviously this is because I consider the film I was in to be a work of genius- but we all have our faults).

Now differences of opinion are all well and good but it seems apparent that the only person who bothered to write an article didn't even watch a whole feature (‘Independents’ Day’, 05/03/02).

I had the misfortune to see "Love Life" and can state that while Luke Goss does appear, it is only briefly, and certainly not as the main character who goes on to reunite with his girlfriend (as so confidently claimed by Johnny "I read the poster and went for beer" Parker).

The fact he then says it was good just proves he didn't see it. I shan’t give you my opinion but I overheard a lady say at the end "I knew it was going to be bad - but not that bad!”.

Now- how about some reviews from someone who actually went to see some films?

Jack Martin

YORK VISION 07/05/02

COMMENT 11

Unlucky charms, perhaps

Sir Ron

COOKE

F

Renovating Central Hall for next year’s undergraduates

or some years we have been trying to find an acceptable solution to the challenge of creating a venue on campus that is large enough for ‘big’ student events, which is financially viable, and which also does not conflict with the requirements of student facilities in Colleges.

Ideally we would like to build a brand new ‘hall’ that can accommodate c1600, with bars, etc., but that is

beyond our immediate reach unless we gain a major benefaction.

As an interim strategy, we have agreed (we being the University, the SU and the GSA) to re-assess the full potential of Central Hall, including improvements to the foyer and work in the auditorium to bring it into compliance for large standing audiences.

The current plans include an extension of the foyer and the relocation of the bar. This

Smithard’s FORTNIGHT

P

resumably to toss a little fresh meat the way of those ever-hungry hordes of literature Ph.D. students, someone has lately taken it upon themselves to publish two ‘pornographic’ novellas knocked-out by Philip Larkin in his Oxford university days.

On the strength of those excerpts that have appeared in reviews, I don’t think ‘hotlolitachicks.com’ has too much to be worried about. Boardingschool girls run around, are breathlessly ‘beastly’ to each other, and occasionally get spanked (with all the requisite squirming, gasps and garterflashing). And that’s it..

Apparently the whole thing was a parody on contemporary school-girls' stories - these days we'd probably be hardpressed to spot the difference between it and the real thing.

The sole effect seems to be to confirm that even as a fallow young undergraduate, Larkin was really just a dirty-old-man in waiting.

Another nail in the coffin then – assuming there’s any room left on the coffin-lid. Since his death Larkin has already been pretty thoroughly exposed as a rather unpleasant character: even by the standards of someone who spent most of their life as a librarian (and at the University of Hull as well). A misogynist, racist, right-wing, Thatcher-loving little-Englander: although, for whatever it’s worth, probably no more so than quite a lot of his generation.

And yet notwithstanding all this, in a certain mood – these days generally a nostalgic one – I still can’t help finding most of his poetry quite wonderful.

Back in an A-level classroom some time ago now, Byron, Keats and Wilfred Owen – anyone in fact who lived fast, died young and could be quoted in tipex on the back of a guitar case – always did it for the glossy-haired, leather-jacketed boys. The girls meanwhile divided into roughly even-factions. Pretty, diary-keeping blondes went for ‘tragic’ Sylvia Path; the rest preferred Carol Ann Duffy who, although less ‘tragic’, nonetheless had better jokes. Somewhere along the line though I took a wrong turn off the syllabus. Down the dingy ally-way of an old exam-

Gareth WALKER

paper or at the back of some tatty anthology I made the acquaintance of Larkin, the deal was done, and he became ‘my’ poet.

This was by no means welcomed by my teachers. It was just a few years since Larkin had actually died, the first wave of letters and biographies had only just hit and the general response seemed one of startled revulsion.

I still dimly recall purchasing a crisp new copy of the ‘Collected Poems’. I’m not entirely sure, but it may have been the first time I ever bought a book of poetry. It was certainly the only occasion I’ve ever bought one other than second-hand – although at the time I remember taking what I suppose was a Larkin-esque delight at the idea that an entire career, plus excerpts, could be had for so little as £6.99 in paperback. This at a time when my similar efforts to document the full history of The Smiths, Joy Division and The Housemartins (yet more Hull-based miserablists) were proving rather more expensive.

Why this late-adolescent Larkin fetish? The role-call above rather gives it away.

While it seemed everyone else I knew had opted for either a Britpopish Oasis-andAdidas swagger, or else the hooded-tops, chains and piercings of American Goth, I tried to plough a lonely, absurd little furrow somewhere in-between.

Consequently, a restrained, despairing, quintessentially English provincial misery was for a year-or-two my own affectation of choice. I hummed ‘This Charming Man’, ‘Build’ and ‘The State I Am In’ each morning on the way to school. I borrowed 1960s black-andwhite kitchen-sink dramas from the town library to watch on an evening. Naturally, Larkin and Bennett (with Angus Wilson, Malcom Bradbury and many others I’ve since forgotten) were my bedtime reading.

Clothes-wise, I started preferring Clarks’ shoes to trainers

and dug out an old duffel-coat to wear on suitably cold, rainy mornings. I recall being very disappointed when some bewildered optician assured me even the NHS didn’t feel it anything but cruel to continue to stock horn-rimmed jam-jar glasses.

It would be perfect to now admit that it was Larkin again – lurking shiftily around some corner of my consciousness – who surreptitiously inspired my choice of York for university.

Why not? A medieval city centre like the Oxford of his undergraduate years, but boasting also a grey sixties-hangover of a campus not far removed from the worst of Hull’s own steel-and-cement monstrosities. What better cross-section could one hope for?

Perfect perhaps, but not I think wholly the case. Possibly it was because Labour had just won an election, which – for a time at least – seemed to leave the whole demeanour of provincial urban-despair looking just a little passé. Or perhaps, when he poked his bum at Michael Jackson, Jarvis Cocker brought nerd-chic a little too far towards the mainstream for my liking.

There’s even a slender hope (although I rather doubt it) that I actually gathered together sufficient self-awareness to realise what an absolute cock I must have looked.

Either way, by the time I came to pen my various applications, the worst of that particular phase had in fact passed. Naturally though, like those before and since, its traces remain. It’s there to be glimpsed in the neglected corners of the bookshelf or buried deep down in the CD collection. Just as I’m sure, tucked away in a letter or one his essays (it seems a little too trite to have made into the poems and I can’t find it among them) Larkin grumbles away about us all being just the product of those little phases and stupidities we congratulate ourselves for having grown out of.

Re:Fresh has gone horribly stale change it now SMITHARD@VISION. YORK.AC.UK

B

link and you might miss it, but the third issue of Re:Fresh, the SU’s pisspoor wank-wagon of a magazine, is out. Quick! Run to the SU Shop to grab your copy.

Campus media here in York is, without doubt, the best thing about the SU. The oldest independent radio station in the country, the first university television station, Nouse with its glorious past, and Vision with its awardladen present.

And then there’s Re:Fresh. With a full-time advertising team and links to the SU, students may have expected a professional, arresting and informative publication. They will have been disappointed. Re:Fresh is thin, ugly and boring. It repeats information already published in the campus media – anyone still interested in the details of the sit-in or profiles of our new officers? – without introducing any new angles or an even faintly critical approach. It’s dull. On top of that, it’s badly designed: cluttered and inconsistent, with too many fonts and garish colours.

The reason for this is sim-

ple. It is written and edited by politicians, led by SU Publicity officer Alex Ball. Ball is undoubtedly clever, and will make a fine politician. He is already a formidable SU spindoctor. But career politicians do not make good editors, and Ball is no exception. The complacent journalism and vainglorious approach has not made for an interesting or informative read. Without a journalist at its helm, Re:Fresh will continue to show up the institution it was established in order to promote.

T

here is, in Vision’s letters column, a rather odious attack on the Students’ Union. Nothing new in that on the Vision comment pages, sure. But this is different.

Firstly, it began as an anonymous circular; secondly, it’s a copy of a message forwarded to Vision by uber-hack Peter Sanderson, originally found on the newsgroups. For the uninitiated, these are found in a secretive section of Netscape Messenger in which students can send emails which can be read by everyone. You’re not missing

newly refurbished area should accommodate about 400.

After basic costs are met for events (security, cleaning, bar staff etc) bar profits will go to the organisers.

The cost of the work is about £200k and we are proposing to seek the support of our Alumni for the proposal to use £160k from the Alumni Development Fund for the work.

If all goes well, Central Hall should be available for large student events during next year 2002/3 or sooner if bookings for the Hall allow the work to be done earlier.

We still have to solve, amongst other things, the problem of disabled access.

All this is without prejudice to the SU campaign for a dedicated Bar and Venue.

Sir Ron Cooke is Vice Chancellor of the University

much.

The newsgroups are a breeding ground for immature attacks on individuals and institutions, sent by little boys and girls desperate to say something profound enough to be noticed by anyone other than the fifteen or so other geek-hacks who post to the forums.

Perhaps this is a little harsh. The vast majority of posters do genuinely want to debate issues without becoming embroiled in slanging-matches. But there are many, hiding under the cloak of half-anonymity – we may know their username but we don’t know what they look like – who will bitch at anyone to get noticed.

These self-important nobodies are currently concentrating on SU Pres Ffion Evans, an easy target. But over the past three years they have attempted countless pot-shots at me. I’ve been regularly attacked by assorted loners and losers, including campus Tories, SU Officers, campus bands and so-called socialists. Does it bother me? No, but it does make me laugh. Not so much their petty comments, grammatically poor and devoid of inspiration, but rather their genuine belief that people are listening to them or, even more amusingly, have even the slightest respect for these poor, deluded fools.

Grow up. If you want to attack someone, form arguments and give evidence.

Attack within a proper forum, and lose the anonymity.

Maybe then your claims might merit a response. Until then, use the computer rooms for browsing porn, like the fourteen-year-olds you try so hard to resemble.

Ffion Evans is unwell

The election might have been dodgy, but our coverage was first-rate.

Catch up on full reports, the election Sketch, Smithard’s Election and lots more only at www.yorkvision.co.uk

12 MEDIA

07/05/02 YORK VISION

Could Le Pen cross le Channel?

How Hello! Magazine can save us from the far right.

Anna Mayall explores a very British solution SO COULD it happen here? Not as long as the media can restrain itself to rational and factual reporting. Oh dear.

Since the news broke two weeks ago of Monsieur Le Pen's second round election triumph in France, the British press has been in a frenzy of excited condemnation.

"Should Le Pen thank Bin Laden?" panics The Times's Bronwen Maddox in their eight-page supplement. The Economist storms in with "France's Shame!".

Perhaps most excitable of all is the New Statesman with their cover shot of Len Pen, complete with a felt-tip graffitied Hitler moustache, head-lined by that ohso-predictable pun "Le Pen is mightier..."

The inescapable mantra which has united broadsheets, tabloids and magazines alike is "could it happen here?".

Take a step back from the political, and it all starts to smack of scare-mongering.

So could it happen here? Perhaps.

The BNP's popularity has increased, fuelled by media pictures of 'bogus' asylum seekers. Some media outlets, not least the The Sun and Daily Mail, are so sensationalist that, however much they claim to oppose the far right, may create in its readership a susceptibility to extremism.

We have already seen that the British public have the potential for congregational hysteria by the millions who flooded London's streets for the funeral of Princess Diana.

Fortunately- and we can thank Hello!

Magazine for this - most of our inherent

Student Press Pembroke Up for Sale THE OXFORD STUDENT TWO Academic Fellows of Pembroke College were forced to resign after a ‘cash for places’ scandal.

Undercover journalists from the Sunday Times recorded tutors promising to look “extremely favourably” at admissions in return for a £30,000 ‘donation’.

The Oxford Student is running an online poll asking “did you buy your way into Oxford?”

One Pembroke tutor defended the college by claiming it was “poor as shit”.

need to expunge huge amounts of adoration is vented upon celebrities and movie stars, not radical political figures.

Incredible, News Flash! Posh and Becks defend Britain from Fascist threat!! Pop Idol Will to blame for Blair's plummeting popularity!!

In all seriousness, perhaps such stars do absorb some of the Messiah status that used to be afforded to less 'safe' icons in the past, as with the Nazi cult of the Weimar Republic.

Perhaps all France needed was a royal family to fill their tabloids with heartwarming/breaking/stopping tales of illicit sexual intrigue.

The problem is that our media is as changeable as Madonna's taste in music, and can the newspapers which hyped Sven Goran Erickson's love life be trusted to show what really matters?

It has been suggested that our wild panicking over Le Pen's breakthrough has only brought unlimited and priceless publicity for the BNP and their cause, and as those in the business say, 'there's no such thing as bad publicity'.

Much as we hate to admit it, newspapers and magazines are written with the primary objective of selling more issues than their opponent. If that means whipping up sensitive issues such as asylum, then so be it.

The public are attracted to big news.

If the BBC covers the Queen Mother's death as only a secondary story while ITV goes all out, then we've seen who gets the ratings.

Shocked and saddened? Only at our reaction to her death, argues Simon Milne THE QUEEN Mother had died a hundred times before in rehearsal. So why when she really copped it did the newsreaders seem ill-prepared?

Had Elvis decided to deliver an impromptu concert at the Royal Albert Hall after being found alive and well, the amazement in Mary Nightingale's voice would have been easier to understand.

Would she have been sur-

Has Pop Idol saved us from Le Pen?

Dead, not buried

prised if the sun were to rise tomorrow?

The ITN news presenter read the news with an air of genuine bewilderment Please tell me that she did not believe, as many others seemed to, that the Queen Mum was in fact immortal.

The television spectacular developing on the BBC was an even more surprising sight to be seen.

Politely waiting in line is perhaps all that British culture amounts to nowadays.

The Queen Mother’s lying-in-state in Westminster Abbey

Strip Club THE COURIER- NEWCASTLE SEVERAL female students have found work in a new city strip club.

The Courier is now encouraging its readers to “swap their tracksuits and trainers for a sexy slip and heels” as way of keeping fit.

Unlike Mary Nightingale, Peter Sissons remained defiant in refusing to sport an all-black outfit. Perhaps black is just not his colour. That ominous dark maroon tie soon became a matter of national outrage. It was only the colour-blind people across the nation who could not quite comprehend the controversy.

Many objected to Sissons' coarse delivery. He gave a gutsy and devilishly intrusive interview to the Queen Mum's niece.

Gone is the anarchic chaos of the Big Breakfast house. A modern studio setup, complete with flashy panels and breakfast bar, now stands in its place.

Kelly Nobay reviews Channel 4’s latest wake-up call...

CHANNEL 4's attempt to win back its early morning audience hit our screen this week, with ultra-trendy breakfast show Ri:se (weekdays 7-9am).

Fronted by former Sky Sports presenter Mark Durden-Smith, the team deliver short, snappy items of news, sport, weather and entertainment in neatly

Whilst obviously ill-judged, it is worth noting that Sissons did actually ask those questions to which the public were burning for answers. Only his uncouth manner and crude turn of phrase meant he embarrassed the BBC.

The media were also caught unawares by the hundreds of thousands of people who queued to pay their last respects to the Queen Mum. People from all corners of the country, plus a fair helping of tourists, wanted to be part of the spectacle.

Newly-converted royalists were out in force and republican ideals simply became passé.

People stood in line to pay tribute to somebody who they claimed had touched all their lives.

Only a select few could truthfully claim to have met the lady in person. So, why were they there? Were they braving the bitter cold out of a sense of hardened duty, or more irrepressible intrigue?

In truth, it was probably a mixture of the two. This is because the over-stated media coverage of such scenes creates a vicious circle.

The media could not help but respond to the growing queues. And yet the queues grew and grew as a result of continued media fascination.

People wanted their five minutes of fame and the televi-

All Ri:se? packaged slots. Whilst this makes things all-so-easy to digest, the programme loses the depth of other channels' news coverage, particularly when it comes to more serious issues.

This would be fine if it were not for the offerings of sombre insights such as “how tragic” and “what a pity” when discussing heavy-weight news stories.

Ri:se is following the trend of making news more ‘accessible’ to the viewer, just as Kirsty Young did by sitting herself on the table for Channel 5 News, and

sion stations were happy to give it to them. The mass media might stand accused of embarking on its own subliminal guilt trip.

The determined queuing was soon described as the 'Best of British.' Politely waiting in line is perhaps all that British culture amounts to nowadays. It was also commented that the scenes marked the rejuvenation of the monarchy.

This is indeed typically British. There is some irony in

Only the British would claim the rebirth of their Royal Family when its senior members kick the bucket. the Queen Mum having a media following in death that she could not could not equal in life. Here there are perhaps some lessons to be learnt.

like the BBC Breakfast show with its pastel shades and smart casual wear.

Soon the Ri:se team move on to more comfortable territory, such a whether or not Beckham was ‘babyoiled’ for his latest GQ photo-shoot.

Despite the slickness of the production, the mix of the serious with the trivial gives the show a disjointed feel. It may just need some time for the presenters to learn to handle their material a little better.

At the moment, Ri:se seems to offer us less of a ‘Big Breakfast’ and more ‘Bite-Size Shreddies.’ Strong on novelty value but perhaps irrelevant for the vast majority of you, who will still be asleep long after Durden-Smith and co. have finished work for the day and gone home.

YORK VISION 07/05/02

COMMENT 13 Join the Front! email jamesrevfront@hotmail.com

ystv GRAPEFRUITS OF WRATH “The next best thing to a golden shower” Nouse

10.00 2.4 (2-3pm)

Citrus Fruit solves Middle East Crisis Members of a York University society are to be presented with the Nobel Peace Prize at a ceremony in Oslo next month.

The ‘Students Against Bad Things’ Society has been praised for halting Middle East violence after it brought economic pressure to bear on Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon.

The students lobbied to get all Israeli produce banned from the SU Shop.

The ban, successfully passed at an Extraordinary General Meeting last month, saw the singular item of Israeli produce, namely a grapefruit, removed from the Your;Shop immediately.

Although many had dismissed the ban as “petty” and “unjustified” it seems to have had startling results in a short space of time.

Israeli premier Ariel Sharon last week admitted that the YUSU ban is hitting his country’s economy

hard. Until now Sharon has refused to bow to the pressure of both the USA and the United Nations, but at a hastily assembled press conference he conceded defeat to the York students. Sharon agreed to meet with Chairman Arafat in return for a lifting on the ban.

“Up until last week I was not ready to concede an inch”, commented Sharon, “we were ready to stick all the Arabs in a stadium and whack ‘em, just like we used to in the good old days. But the lack of Israeli Grapefruit being sold in Your:Shop has really undermined our delicate economy.

“Until the ban I would have said, ‘Mr Annan… kiss my ass!’ but now everything has changed.

To be honest, I am now minded to hand over as much land as Arafat wants. We just need to ship those grapefruit,” he said.

‘Students Against Bad Things’ Society chair,

Photo News Electro-sspective “Visoin Readers will be seeing a lot more of me. I certainly intend to bring a high profile to the position…. after all, educational campaigns is about getting elected as Welfare sabbatical next year”.

Educational Campaigns victor Mange Chain plans long term FRENCH CONNECTION SEEKING NEW ACRONYM FOR THE WAR AGAINST TERRORISM SUMMER RANGE

“Free Jaffa Cakes for all”: James Byrite revives a tradition for stoned Service Officers.

“Look at all the shiny lights!

It’s so pretty!” Our new Ents officers welcome us to their world of highbrow politics.

“Everyone in pastels!”

YSCA officer Helena Grief explains why orphans “need to accessorize”.

POLICE ISSUE PHOTO FIT AS GROTESQUE LIVING MANNEQUIN ROAMS FREE IN YORK

Coming Soon Sketch Agony Aunt Tim Smithurd.

Next week Tim explains: “How to cope when you arrive at work one day… only to find that all your desk stuff has been dumped in a box. Which has been left outside the office that you once called home. And the locks have all been changed. And nobody answers your calls anymore. And you have been wantonly discarded by a worthless shower of bastards… I can see you

“Let’s round up the fuzzy wuzzies and send them back to Umbongo-lland. Hurrah!”.

Campus Tories shocked as message fails to resonate with voters.

“There is a clear difference between Nouse and the SU magazine, Re:Hash. I see Re:Hash as where all advertising money goes, and Nouse as a soon to be bankrupted shit rag. Is that clear enough for you?”

P&P Officer Alec Balls shows his support for the student press. hiding behind the fucking sofa in there, you utter twats. Don’t think I can’t! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!” Enlightening stuff indeed.

The Plucky Spherical Diplomat, so rich in understanding and Vitamin C Tarquin Otterburn Massingbird, welcomed Mr Sharon’s comments.

“Who’d have thought it, eh? And we were just in it for larks…and what damn fine larks they were too.

Workers of the World Unite, and all that. I say, top hole. Hurrah!”, commented the chair, adding “I know I shall have a

wizzo time in Oslo! Oh, I do hope that Mother packs me some ginger beer!”

Meanwhile, back in the Middle East, thoughts are concentrated on the rejuvenated peace process. It is thought the opposing sides are the nearest they have been to a deal in the past 18 months.

Palestinian negotiators

have expressed concern, however, at some of the clauses inserted by Sharon into the new working document. The “Kill All Arabs” clause is said to be a particular stumbling point.

In other developments, ITV sports pundit Barry Venison has been accused of anti-Semitism by Daily Mail columnist Melanie Phillips, following comments he made on last night’s edition of the Premiership.

Asked by presenter Des Lynam how he rated Israel’s chances in this week’s friendly against England, Venison commented: “the Israeli’s problem is their poor understanding of the offside trap”.

Phillips has slammed Venison, claiming that the former mullet wearer’s comments are worthy of the BNP. “What next?”, she asks, “I suppose he would like to cram people into cattle trucks and ship them over to Belsen?”.

This is rapidly becoming the worst day in Don Juan’s life.

Having just arrived at his desk in the Students’ Union, he finds his peace interrupted by a ringing telephone.

Setting his phone to ‘answer’ mode, Don sits back and attempts to work out how he can avoid doing anything productive for yet another day.

The excitement mounts as our hero pushes some pens around the desk for 20 minutes before sending some ‘amusing’ picture texts to all his mates and rearranging the post-it notes on his computer screen.

Shown in real time, join Don to experience the roller coaster ride of a full 2.4 hours of actual work at the Students’ Union.

Want to catch up on ‘2.4’? Tune in on Saturday for a continuous screening of the entire 2.4 hours. Careful that your arse doesn’t crack with the tension!

FILM 11.00 National Lampoons Present YUSU Episode 02: Attack of the Clones

Rather needless parody of the recent YUSU elections, featuring Chevy Chase, Goldie Hawn and an animatronic James Belushi (operated by that beardy bloke off Robot Wars sitting in a nearby tree).

The entire premise of the film appears to be that the new Star Wars film has just come out whilst at the same time most of trigger finger. Bitch.” the new SU officers are carbon SU President Iffans copies of their worthless predecessors. had initially expressed Ha, ha, fucking ha. Poorly concern that the continual rolling back of portering conceived and badly carried out, a half-baked turd of a film, would have a negative it does feature an amusimpact on student securi- though ing turn from Chairper-son ty.

Iffans as Yoda. Shown in egoHowever she later accommodating widescreen.

CROSSBOW CRUSADER Porters have responded with anger at news that Director of Facilities Management, Ronald MaKdonald, is to stalk campus at night, as a deterrent to would-be criminals seeking to take advantage of newly lax security.

Armed with a crossbow, MaKdonald can be called out by students between the times of midnight and 6am.

Students in distress should impersonate the mating call of the Tawny Owl in order to contact the strutting William Tellalike.

MaKdonald has also warned defiant college porters that he won’t stand for any attempts to work after midnight, saying that they “better get the fuck of my patch”, and warning that “you better know I got an itchy

relented, saying she was satisfied by the measures MaKdonald was taking after he told her he had a “special potion to make him go invisible.”

ATTENTION COMPUTER SCIENTISTS! YUSU presents

YOUR:JIZZ

To make sure the money you spend gets put back into your university life, use YOUR JIZZ, your union’s new premium rate phone service… we’ll do anything for money! Genuine lecturers and porters are waiting for your call. Services include:

Lonely Porter

DIAL 09068 PACKAGE AWAITS Casual Encounters with Hard up Workers

“Let’s Talk Word Counts” DIAL 09068 SPUNKY TUTOR

Ultimate Fantasies Quorate UGM: DIAL 09068 HACK O RAMA Calls cost £14.99 per minute. Proceeds split equally between YUSU and GEC Marconi. You’ll feel dirty and worthless afterwards, but we’ll be rich. Suckers.

Music by Weird Al Yankovic.

News in Brief

TODAY In a Parallel Universe,

alternative SU Services Officer Dan Juan is congratulated for the firstrate choice of Right Said Fred to play Grad Ball. “It won’t be shit this year,” said the competent, monogamous and lovable Dan.

RESEARCH A new report, published

this week by scientists at Nottingham University, has conclusively proven that smoking is both ‘Big’ and ‘Clever’.

14 FEATURES

07/05/02 YORK VISION Hair raising Road Trips Thrills and Spills

Tourist for a day Living in York 30 weeks a year does not make you a local. Time to play tourist .

VISION FEATURES

p17

Getting the beers in around the world Food and Drink

p18

p20

Buy one get one free Vision questions whether it is really necessary to use these images to get punters to come to events on campus. Is this a clever advertising campaign or is it straying into the sphere of pornography?. What’s wrong with that anyway? Hannah Kidd and Elaine Dower hold a heated debate

L

iving in the naughties (00's) we are all well aware of the fact that sex sells. The supposedly controversial G-spot image is no different from the adverts with which we are bombarded every day.

In fact the very picture which apparently caused such furore on our campus has previously appeared on billboards and in magazines nation-wide, in an advertising campaign for Stonebow jeans.

True, the image is clearly irrelevant to what it is advertising- unfortunately Goodricke is not offering us a night of raunchy orgies.

However, images of scantily clad women are frequently used to sell everything from cars to insurance. Sex is a commonly accepted means of capturing attention, regardless of the actual subject.

This does seem

designed to appeal solely to a male audience. But capturing the undivided attention of 50% of the campus population is obviously a very worthwhile marketing move. And a successful one: G Spot was the f i r s t

G SP HIT! OT !!

Goodricke event to sell out in almost a year.

Claims of inequality are easily dismissed- women do not respond as much to images of scantily clad men.

And if someone were to attempt this form of marketing strategy, it’s unlikely that men would start whinging

about exploitation.

What is there to whinge about anyway? The G-spot image is neither offensive nor overly explicit. And it certainly doesn’t look like exploitation: the women look like they’re having a whale of a time, and if anything it is the man who appears to be overwhelmed and coerced.

The positioning of "Can you find the G-spot?" is perhaps witty only in the vulgarist sense. But it is genuinely amusing. And crucially, the joke is at the men’s expense. The advertisement plays upon the sexual failings of the men it is trying to attract.

This is a poster which, at the very least, appeals to a crude sense of humour. And surely that is the very definition of successful campus publicity. So what, exactly, is all the fuss about?

Elaine Dower

S

o the male students won't particularly mind the appearance of scantily clad women in compromising positions around campus. Well that’s alright then! Forget the other 50% of the student population!

Jake Brazier, chair of Goodricke JCR, claims that “the vast majority of students are not offended by the publicity". However several of the G-Spot posters were torn down from notice-boards around campus. In addition, Ffion Evans declared at a UGM that she personally felt offended by the posters, as a woman.

Clearly many students do consider that such publicity is degrading to women.

Such reactions are too often considered radical or petty.

We are used to seeing adverts similar to these every day- so much so that

we hardly notice them anymore. So why make a fuss about it when they appear on campus?

Well, just

G SPOT ! ! !

S S MI

because something is commonly accepted or considered unworthy of comment does not mean that it is necessarily right.

And just because an image has previously been used in a nationwide advertising campaign, and must therefore have been passed by the A S A, does not mean that York students should let it pass.

As part of a relatively insular student community,

we are in the desirable position of being able to make decisions for ourselves. We do not have to slavishly follow the outside world, regardless of our own moral instincts.

Goodricke advertisers may well shrug their shoulders at this, and come up with the weak justification that "sex sells", on or off campus. Give us some credit! Since when did York students become out-andout capitalists, willing to ibypass morality?

The picture is not rendered more offensive because of its irrelevance to the night advertised. On the contrary, it is conciously being used to infer a message about the event. This photo says, "look what happens when you buy a ticket to the G spot." It infers that "you can buy women." Such inferences are powerful, and very dangerous.

Hannah Kidd

YORK VISION 07/05/02

FEATURES 15

UNDRSTND WAT M TLKNG ABT? Painting by L.S. Lowry. York City Art Gallery

Why are we so text obsessed? Is it the easy communication option, or the surefire way to social disaster? Reeling from a hefty phone bill, Jessica Shiddell goes in search of textual healing

Roman Holiday You’ve spent many hours aquainting yourself with the local pubs, but how much do you know about the rest of what York has to offer? Kate Edwards plays tourist in her adopted home town and takes a whistle stop tour of York’s main attractions, little brother in tow...

While my boyfriend is unquestionably not a student, he avidly rejects the label 'townie'. In a dubious attempt to categorise him I suggested the rather bumpkinish title of 'country boy', to which he cuttingly retorted 'Well, you're nothing but a tourist'. I desperately cried 'But I live here!', aware that perhaps my southern accent and minimal thirty weeks in the vicinity were not enough to convince the locals that I was a real Yorkie and not just an impostor.

However, on reflection, I realised that tourism didn't just have to equal guide books, the over enthusiastic video-ing of pigeons and daffodils or the collecting of tacky souvenirs asserting that 'I (heart) York'. It could simply suggest the exploration and discovery of the hidden secrets and historic treasures that the city has to offer.

So since I have already been here a year and a half without getting to know the city in any great depth, I decided to give tourism a go.

I set off with no expectations, little

money (obviously, I'm a student) and my younger brother as a useful alibi.

Our first stop was the renowned Jorvik Viking Centre, but we met with a ridiculously long queue of families and foreigners and not willing to wait to find out what a cesspit smelt like, we had our photograph taken with a passing Viking and moved on.

Next, we ambled along the Shambles until we got to the Minster and made our way inside. The peaceful atmosphere was immediately calming and disturbed only by the excited whispers of my brother, who had noticed that they sold candy canes in the gift shop.

Flushed with the success of this first bit of history and the conviction that anything that's free must be good, we decided to tackle the walls.

Weaving through the city at such a level immediately gave us a new perspective on previously undiscovered areas of York, as well as a great view into people's bedrooms!

Afterwards, we sat eating donuts

from a stall, watching a street performer trying desperately not to set fire to himself while juggling. Just time for a quick walk along the river, to impress my brother with the impact of the floods on the King's Arms and then lunch. This was the one thing on which we did splash out, after all mum was paying. You didn't think that I'd taken the little terror off her hands for free did you?

For a final overview of the city and to complete the list of things in York that my brother would like to abseil down, we climbed Clifford's Tower.

Not only did this afford an enlightening sense of where everything in York actually was in relation to each other, the rather unsure angle of the walls was also pleasantly disconcerting.

Thus ended my day as a tourist, and I have to say it was one of the most enjoyable that I have spent in York. So why not get out there, do some exploring and make the most of every aspect of the city while canincluding the candy canes!

DESPERATELY SEEKING SUN Reporting from the Musuem Gardens, Julia Rose diagnoses a virilous strain of spring fever that seems to be afflicting finals students.

Spring fever affects the majority of well balanced, healthy, young people and appears to turn even the most hard working amongst us into lazy, sun-worshipping dossers.

This strange phenomenon starts to creep into daily life around March and, depending on whether British summertime decides to show its face, it may carry on indefinitely.

The fever itself relies heavily on the changeable element of the weather. Take last week as an example: the new term started in a blaze of sunshine, forcing even those with exams to lie outside on the grass trying to convince themselves that they were actually revising.

I for one, spent most of Monday and Tuesday in Museum Gardens, comforting myself that if I lay in the shadows of the abbey ruins, I could at least say my day had been cultural. No-one needs to know that in reality I had been mainly snoozing and laughing at some people's scary choices of summer clothing.

The number of people I saw using thier fat books of vital exam knowledge as a headrest whilst sunbathing, insisting that they were

absorbing the facts through the back of their head, was proof that I was not alone.

We’re also very conscious in this country that these few days of sun may our lot get. So at the first suggestion of a gap in the clouds the clothes come off and the sunglasses go on.

There is another, perhaps more disturbing, symptom of spring fever. It

is the stupid optimism of believing that, when the sun has disappeared and the April showers have arrived in full force, it is only temporary.

Those most badly afflicted are to be found in shorts and t-shirt, ready and prepared with a towel and sunnies to run straight back outside at the slightest hint of the sun returning. Either way, I'm afraid work is a lost cause.

It may be good to talk but I'm not so sure that it's good to text. Texting or SMS (short message service to the uninitiated - if any still exist) came into our lives a few years ago and we have never looked back.

It's now become such an integral part of our society that the BBC dedicated a whole night to the "joy" of it and a plethora of books can be purchased promising to make you more fluent in the language of text.

But whilst I’m the first to admit to text addiction, I’m becoming increasingly aware of the many perils involved in texting.

The principal one is the cost. One of the major cons of texting is that it appears so cheap, just 8p a text the networks temptingly shout, when all the while pound signs flash before their eyes.

Eight pence is a bargain you say.

Well yes, until you've sent four hundred of the things. I await my monthly

avoided, I will start texting as a diversionary tactic. It's my own personal "stay away" sign.

Have you ever noticed that people are far more outspoken on text message? They say things that they would never dream of saying in person.

People feel protected from consequence by the relative distance that texting provides.

However this ‘distance’ can actually cause problems. Texts have no tone of voice, no inflections, no emphasis and can therefore be easily misconstrued. Even the innocent word 'Thanks' can be interpreted by the more paranoid of us as sarcastic. And "See you later" might be read by the more arrogant to mean, "I want to have your babies!"

All sorts of confusion can occur from text messages that can only really be avoided by real contact. How many of us have caused chaos by inadver-

Even the innocent word “Thanks” can be interpreted by the more paranoid of us as sarcastic. And "See you later" might be read by the more arrogant to mean, "I want to have your babies!” phone bills with a dread bordering on hysteria. I visibly whiten as I open the massive document, feebly whining "But I cut down this month". After recovering from the shock, I inspect my bill closer and invariably find that most of the damage is due to the ten pages of texts I sent that month.

Texting appeals to our lazy side. It always seems so much easier to send a quick text than actually undergo the arduous task of having a conversation over the phone. And sending a text is surely cheaper than a mobile phone call.

Or is it? Arranging a social event over the phone takes minutes, but via text it seems to take forever. Before you know it you've sent twenty texts just to arrange to meet at the King's Arms at nine.

Texts can also be used to stem boredom, which is when they are at their most dangerous. I will have absolutely no need to message anyone and yet when bored will merrily bash out texts until the cows come home.

It's the same story when I want to avoid confrontation. If I'm sitting alone and someone comes along who’s best

tently sending a text to the wrong person?

The fact that you don't get to hear a voice or see a face can also cause problems because, ultimately, you can never be sure who reaally sent the message.

Everyone, myself included, seems to have a Nokia phone. Which means that everyone has the same alert tone, and we all reach excitedly for our phones whenever a bleep is heard.

And of course there’s always some prat who has his phone on the loudest most annoying message tone - you know the one that sounds like the casualty theme tune - despite the fact that he has his phone in his hand.

But despair not, there are solutions.

You can actually phone people and have real conversations. If you’re completely addicted to texts and can’t foot the bill, there are also many websites such as www.genie.co.uk that offer free SMS. As for me, I think I'll just send a quick text- my phone’s right here and the computer room’s a full five minutes walk away and, after all, how much damage can one text do?

16 FEATURES

07/05/02 YORK VISION

WAR OF THE ROSES York’s women's football team - the reason we won Roses - is better than Lancaster's. And we can swim faster. Not the sort of thing that you'd start a war about? Ricard Plantagenet challenging Margaret Anjou to tennis match? As Rebecca Bull found out, wars aren't started by gymnastics.

Or are they? Edward III was a bit of a gymnast by all accounts, or else he was a frequent visitor to the Cerne giant.

And the result was far too many sons for comfort.

He was succeeded by Richard II, a Bad King, anti socially raising taxes and provoking the Peasant's Revolt. He didn’t like his family much either.

He murdered his uncle, the second son of Edward II and exiled Henry of Bolingbroke ( son of John of Gaunt another result of Edward's gymnastic prowess) to France for ten years. Then he stole Henry's rich lands in Lancaster.

A miffed Henry, with support from Yorkshire, took the throne to become Henry IV. He too was a Bad King, because his face started to rot. God doesn't like people to usurp His Kings and what was probably syphilis was seen as a sign of divine disapproval.

Henry V was next. Being rather good at wars he distracted from unease about his birthrights by beating up the damnable French and winning the battle of Agincourt.

His son, Henry VI was more of an Idiot King than a Bad King. Richard Plantagenet the Duke of York was a

much better bet.

He was even rightful king, being descended from Lionel of Antwerp the second son of Edward III rather than John of Gaunt ( who was Edward's third) like Henry.

Richard, though, was rather a good egg. Either that or he didn’t want his face to rot, so he made no challenge for a while.

In a treaty with France it was decided that Henry should marry Margaret of Anjou.

A bad plan. The English populace didn't like French women, especially when it became clear that she was wearing the trousers in that relationship.

She turned Henry against Richard.

Lots of Wars, of the Roses ensued.

Eventually Richard captured the King.

So Margaret killed the Duke of York.

Richard's son Edward then did what his dad could not bring himself to do, killing Henry and becoming Edward IV. He died young leaving the crown to Edward V who was put in the Tower of London with his little brother by his evil uncle, Richard.

Richard III was a Bad King, according to Shakespeare, and so we had the battle of Bosworth where he was killed.

The throne went to Henry VII (another Lancastrian).

HenryVII wanted a bit of peace so he married Elizabeth of York. There, not a shuttlecock in sight.

Springtime for the Catfish A PLAGUE of catfish is about to descend on the University. The catfish has entered the mating season, and has miraculously found a partner from within the rather restrictive aquatic environment.

The catfish can produce over sixty young in one year, and they have a remarkably short incubation time for creatures of their size. The first catfish young are likely to appear by midJune, and could cause unprecedented difficulties for the University authorities. One University source told Vision that Admin were considering launching a culling operation- similar to the annual duck hunts that pick off dicrepit waterfowl- before the problem gets out of hand.

The two current residents are

members of the 'wells' family, the largest European freshwater fish.

Usually they reach 10 feet in length, and weigh hundreds of pounds. Even at this comparatively small size, they have been accused of attacking small children.

There is no knowing what wonders our mutated giants could spawn. There is a family of catfish which have developed air-breathing organs.

One species has even learnt to migrate across land. Other interesting adaptations of catfish include poisonous barbs and the ability to live in caves.

Yet some advocate giving the catfish some space. "Spring, when a young man's fancy turns to love," commented one tutor.

INCOGNITO AT YORK The toy soldiers go to watch the nail biting karate at Lancaster

Cow and City

The cows are coming! This summer London will be sporting a more rural look as hundreds of bovine invade the capital’s streets, parks and squares. Alicia Starkey explains...

For the past year, the photograph you now see below has been tacked to my bulletin board. It serves as a reminder of a good summer spent in New York City- a summer when, as one might guess from the visual, the cows invaded.

Like a plague of locusts they began appearing in parks and squares, springing up literally everywhere. And now they are crossing the Atlantic.

The cows are part of an international venture called Cow Parade and this year London will join Sydney, Las Vegas, Portland and Montevideo as host cities.

The Cow Parade's initiative is pleasantly refreshing and very bizarre.

Life size fibreglass cows, measur-

ing roughly eight by five feet, are given to local artists, schools, professional artists and celebrities for decoration.

Artists are encouraged to use local themes, for example New York had a

Life size fibreglass cows, measuring roughly eight by five feet, are given to local artists for decoration.

'A Cow Grows in Brooklyn,' featuring the Brooklyn Bridge spanning its middle.

The cows will stand in London from 17th June through to 13th September, when they will be sold at a gala at Sotheby's with substantial proceeds going towards national charities.

London's cows will benefit ChildLine and the Royal Agricultural Benevolent Institution to assist those who were affected by the foot and mouth outbreak.

The official cow location map has yet to be revealed. However it has been promised that 22 cows will appear in the Underground. The total herd it is rumoured to number almost 500.

photo courtesy of Jesse Cohen

York’s a-list student rocks around the west coast The five-week Easter break is so arduous. My friends on the corridor had to go and work. One poor guy was licking envelopes and making up interview packs for four of the weeks in the UK Passport Office.

Pity him. I certainly do.

As soon as I realised that there was no way I could spend five weeks getting up at seven o’clock in the morning I decided to go away somewhere. Besides, my father would have gone on about work experience and other worthless things. It’s not as though I’m going to have to struggle to get a job…I can just join him in the business. Unfortunately, my parents would not shell out enough cash to go to the slopes so I was limited to going somewhere in England. As long as it wasn’t in York I did not mind a bit.

So, I spent my holiday in Cornwall in a place called Rock on the West coast. I stayed with a friend (who goes to Edinburgh and goes out a lot with the Guinness heir) on his farm. He has one of the stable cottages so is safely far enough away from the rest of his family. Rock is a charming place with lots of people from Eton and Repton – people of the right sort of social direction. I felt very at home there.

The majority of the time was spent having gratuitous house parties and drinking the cupboards dry.

Most days we would spend recovering by going sailing on some of the yachts that people owned up and down the coast for an hour or two.

On the Easter Monday, we all went to a point-to-point (a horse race for those that don’t know) near Newquay and had a fabulous time in

the beer tent and outside watching the fine young women escorting their horses around the paddock.

I’m not a great horse fan, and knowing nothing at all about horse racing, or form books for that matter, I quickly began to lose a lot of money.

Only one of my horses finished in the six races, and then it came second by a good fifty lengths and a fence or two. Quite amusingly, it was the only race it had ever finished. If I had seen that in the formbook, well, I can only speculate.

Occasionally my pal and I would go and chat to one of the ‘gels’ (usually called Victoria or Elsbeth) about what to look for, but they seemed far more interested in what we were ‘looking’ for that evening if you get what I mean. The trouble is, most of them looked too much like their horse to be attractive. To be honest with you, I’m not a great fan of flared nostrils or large front teeth. I lost the best part of two hundred pounds on lame or just plain incompetent horses.

Rock is a nice place to go if you like seafood. We visited the near by Rick Stein’s a couple of times, but to my mind it was fairly ordinary. We did have a go on the Golf course only possible because my friend was newly a member. (Three people died in succession otherwise he would still be waiting.)

For five weeks it was very pleasant, or at least nicer than York could be. I dread next year when I might be forced to spend holidays up here revising. No. I would much rather spend my time drinking and having fun. God, you all have my permission to shoot me if anybody catches me having to do a holiday job!

YORK VISION 07/05/02

LIFESTYLE 17

SUMMER SPECIAL

HIT OR MISS Pete Biggs

TARGET The designer Dunlop green flash range - The only problem is you buy one pair then want them all…

The Moldy Peaches - The new singles great. Especially 'Rainbows', the B-side. It's a bit rude though. Your mum won't like it.

Y Tu Mama Tambien Everyone's seen it apart from me and I feel left out. It's supposed to be really good.

Internet shopping - Ok, so you wouldn't buy clothes without seeing them first. But why not try them on, go home, think about whether you want them / can really afford them. Then buy from the comfort of your own home?

Marvellous.

The Daily Mirror (as it's now known) - All their news stories about Becks now refer to him as 'the foot'. Call us childish, but we like it.

Graham Norton going nightly - Will it be any good? We can't wait!

Diesel's new ad campaign It's surreal, it's wonderful, it's a shame the clothes aren't as exciting. Happy Valley - that's a Chinese takeaway on Gillygate isn't it?

AVOID Bank Holidays - I know, lets all have a day off at the same time! Then they'll be traffic chaos, two-hour queues just to use a toilet and everywhere you want to go on your day off will be shut. Thanks to the Queen staying in power too long, we've got two in a row in June. Great. Better get supplies in now. Will the library be open?

The crowds gather on Vanbrugh bowl for last year’s Woodstock festival. There’s no denying it: summer is definitely in the air. Sara Musa tells us how to get the summer look on the cheap, while Vicki Hirst checks out the must-have, essential summer accessories.

T

he two-week gap between a design hitting the catwalk and its emulations on the high street is as much a curse as a blessing. The money’s already spent by the time we realise prairie skirts make you look fat, linen’s a bugger to wash and batwing tops are so last term.

The over-hyped “gypsy look” swamping magazines and shop floors has done nothing for the more conscientious shopper than draw attention to the cheerless prescriptive side of common trends, and to corporate assumptions that the masses will stoop to it.

My advice would be not to invest too much into this summer’s look.

Individual items are fine, but opt for the more throwaway £12 cotton gypsy top than £55 full length white ruffled linen skirt. Instead, invest in purchases of timeless staples, which will work with looks for seasons to come.

Our generation’s version of the little black dress is as follows: a good pair of jeans, a fitted shirt, simplistic knitwear and a denim skirt.

Take time to find the right pair of jeans for your figure. Bigger bottoms avoid pockets, hourglass girls in bootlegs and short bodies in straight legs. Avoid detail and go for muted

Liz Hurley's traumas - Yeah yeah, we're bored already.

Heat - 'Posh uses loo paper scandal! Pages 3, 4, 5 and 6'.

RI:SE - I was in serious danger of going back to sleep the other day.

colours. Black, beige and white never go out of fashion. When shopping think Bardot rather than Britney, and the timeless sophistication of Jackie O, Mia Farrow and Sophia Loren.

As for knitwear, cashmere is ideal in appearance but if you are concerned about cleaning, go for any wool with a fine rather than chunky knit.

Focus on features of cut, sleeve length and neckline rather than detail.

With the denim skirt don’t make the mistake of getting one cut to the style of a current trend. If you’d bought an asymmetric one last year you wouldn’t be wearing it now.

I advise going for one in the style of a pencil skirt, which suits all figures, doesn’t date and is versatile. The thing about the denim skirt is it can be worn any season, dressed up or down and is durable.

These timeless staples will last years, so you can look good even when shops on the high street don’t.

Daniel

The Royal Family - As the Queen started her tour of the country at our expense a few days ago in Cornwall, can we start a proper debate on the future of the monarchy? Well, no we can't, because Tony Blair doesn't want to. But what's the point? Can't we spend the money on the NHS instead?

The High Street (for men) No, it's not eau de toilette.

We used to like Top Man, but now it's about as fashionable as your Dad. Somebody tell them - Chinese symbols aren't in any more! Get over it! Don't get us started on the rest of the bunch (apart from Zara and H&M.) Maybe…

WHAT TO WEAR

GOLDUP Young, posh and bloody annoying

I

was gripped by an original piece of social commentary on the television last week, a programme about the ‘superrich’, the kind of people Tony Blair doesn’t want us to see.

The show illustrated how those at an extreme end of the social stratum fill their days, engaging in activities that help no one but themselves. It proved what a ‘Two Nations’ country we still are.

And I suspect that the souls in ITV’s Young, Posh and Loaded are not that dissimilar to many students at this university. The six young subjects of this programme spend their days shopping, drunk, in bed, or all three.

Only Tom went against the norm, an ex-Etonian who spent three months inside for drugdealing before becoming a Christian bookseller, earning

W

hat better way to spend the summer days than lazing on Vanbrugh bowl, sitting by the lake, or relaxing to your heart’s content in the Quiet Place. To make the most of the summer term, you shouldn’t go unprepared.

Firstly the blanket. Not only vital for avoiding the abundance of duck shit plastering every possible inch of the grass, but brilliant for marking out your territory, German sunbed- style, and of course for avoiding grass rash.

Then there’s the baseball cap. This is a ‘must’ this summer with the sporty casual look hitting the high street stores. Perfect for keeping the sun off your face and great for those bad hair mornings, especially after a rough night out!

The frisbee is a great toy for the summer months. Playing out in the sun is definitely the way ahead. It’s a good laugh, and a perfect way to exercise without feeling the pain! Failing that, return to childhood with any other outdoor sporting activity.

The Early Learning Centre has an extensive range of products at reasonable prices, such as a tennis set for just £3, a baseball bat and ball for around £5, and a croquet set at the

only £11,000-a-year. Tom was easily the nicest, most intelligent and 3-dimensional person in the show.

While Heat describes Young, Posh and Loaded as “Watercooler TV at its trashiest”, the programme was actually useful in emphasising how fragmented Britain is.

It represented the antithesis of Wasted, a gritty C4 documentary on the poorest people in society that showed how damaging Labour’s failure to reverse the trends of the Thatcher years has been.

What was particularly revealing in Young was the fact that people with so much money and spare time have decided to live their lives in a hideous vacuum, a world where the importance of life comes down to Christian Dior’s latest collection, the next bottle of champagne, and deciding which ‘It’ Girl to bed that night.

Is it right for us to judge

WHAT TO BUY same price, ideal for less active souls.

A disposable barbeque, available from most supermarkets for as little as £2, is probably the most fun you can have with a foil tray and some charcoal.

It’s a brilliant way to entertain friends, even if it takes you a while to create anything vaguely edible, and you’re guaranteed to be too drunk to notice what it tastes like anyway.

And don’t forget the trusty bottle opener, perhaps the most important summer item to keep close to hand this term. Even the cheap plonk from Costcutter won’t fail to please while the sun shines.

Despite the ‘quiet time’ restrictions on campus events this term, which gives third-years a bit of peace for last-minute revision, York still has something to offer.

The annual Woodstock festival takes place in Week 9, as does the quircky summer solstice bonfire on Wentworth Stray.

them? Yes, if they are prepared to flaunt their lifestyles in front of the cameras. We have every right to make assumptions based on what we saw.

It made me thankful that there are few young people with the amount of money the group on Young had.

Donatella, Prince Alexander, Jules and Gavin have what most people aspire to: money, big cars, and Conrandesigned apartments. It didn’t make them any more interesting as individuals.

Like Hugh Grant’s character in About a Boy, they do nothing with their days but indugle in self-adulation. Few of them had an ambition to achieve anything in life, or even to go travelling and see something of the world- something they could do in remarkable comfort.

Many people think that money makes a person interesting. So how could someone with so much be boring, we

ask. The truth is that material things dull the person. Too much comfort has made them, and many others, uncreative and gluttonous.

The obsession with fame has made people aspire to dull conformity: many emulate the lifestyle of celebrities who spend their days shopping and drinking coffee along the King’s Road.

Through the strangulating world of advertising, things that ultimately don’t matter have assumed colossal importance in our lives.

Far from satisfying us, consumer society has made more and more people feel disillusioned with modern life.

Luckily, few of us can afford to live like the Young, Posh and Loaded. It might be something to be grateful for.

Trading in an independent existence for daddy’s money may seem like a dream come true, but remember the dangers of a fairytale life.

FEATURES YORK VISION 19

18 YORK VISION FEATURES18

Why should Americans have all the fun? Okay, so you can’t spend your summer cruising down a sun kissed Californian interstate in search of self discovery and quality gear. But juddering down the M25 in a clapped out Escort can be just as fun if you follow our round Britain guide- taking in the oldest rollercoaster, the fastest lawnmowers, a 7 ft pencil and a 65 ft dick. So pack a thermos and some marmite sandwiches, and come sample the delights of the Great British Road Trip...

1 THE WORLD TOE WRESTLING CHAMPIONSHIPS.

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STRATFORD UPON AVON – BIRTHPLACE OF THE TELETUBBIES No sightseeing tour of our great isle would be complete without a pilgrimage to WETTON, DERBYSHIRE the birthplace of the dramatic genii who have entertained so many students for Having become increasingly competitive over the years, the World Toe Wrestling Championship now has all the marks of a great sporting event – skill, so many years.

Teletubby land really is here! Prance amongst the psychedelic flowers and determination, blood, sweat and ...well, cheese.

Held annually on the 8th of July at Ye Olde Royal Oak in Wetton, Derbyshire, it comically oversized rabbits and relive all your favourite teletubby moments – the highs (Po performs the jumping dance in front of a mesmerised audience) should provide an intriguing addition to any road trip, with trained athletes and the lows (Tinky-winky loses his handbag.) A key cultural hot-spot... and fighting for supremacy in a specially constructed ‘Toe-dium’. apparently some bloke called Shakespeare was born here too.

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2 CADBURY WORLD. BOURNVILLE, BIRMINGHAM

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Chocolate. Rich, brown, creamy, crumbly, fatty chocolate. Free samples. Need we say more?

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BLACKPOOL. Sun! Sea! Sand! Sex! Well, maybe not. But even if your day is spent in perpetual drizzle, the sea closely resembles a ‘public toilet’, and the chances of finding anything under 65 to shag seem remote, there is still plenty of fun to be had in Britain’s, nay the world’s, tackiest town.

Spend the day combing boutiques for key rings and baseball caps cunningly personalised with your own name (or a vague approximation.) Stock up on the stickiest rock and candyfloss, then rapidly regurgitate them on the roller coasters of the Pleasure Beach.

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Margate, Kent. THE OLDEST ROLLERCOASTER IN THE UK, AND THE SECOND OLDEST IN THE WORLD, is found in Dreamland. It is 82 years old, built from wood, and has just been made a listed building.

A fascinating relic but possibly not the most thrilling ride, since in those days people were scared of going over 2 miles per hour.

5

Keswick. Home to the Cumberland pencil museum which tells the story of pencils through the ages. Exhibits include the WORLD'S LONGEST PENCIL, measuring in at an incredible seven feet.

2 7

THE BRITISH LAWNMOWER MUSEUM. SOUTHPORT, LANCASHIRE This year boasting a new exhibition with the fascinating title “Lawnmowers of the rich and famous” and featuring some of the “fastest lawnmowers in the world.”

Cumbrae, Scotland. NARROWEST HOUSE 9 Great IN THE WORLD, a one bedroom property measuring just 1.19m at its narrowest point. The house is listed in the Guinness Book of Records for being the property with the narrowest recorded frontage in the world.

Cumbria. The birthplace of Stan Laurel (the thin one) is home to the 10 Ulverston, world's only LAUREL AND HARDY MUSEUM. Hardy was born in Harlem, Georgia, USA, but apparently the town hasn’t yet got their act together.

11 Guisely, near Leeds. THE WORLD'S LARGEST

FISH AND CHIP RESTRAUNT, Harry Ramsden's, was built here in 1931.

12 LLANFAIRPWLLGWYNGYLLGOGERYCHWYRDNDROBWLLLANTYSILIO-

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GOGOGOCH. NORTH WALES. To the uninitiated it may sound like someone with their head down the toilet after a few too many tequilas. But this town is a road trip must, simply so you can say that you’ve visited the place with the longest name in Europe – a massive 58 letters!(Those of you who’ve gone back to check that count should really get out more).

If you just can’t get enough of places with amusing names, also try visiting Shitterton in Dorset, which literally translates as ‘the village on the stream used as an open sewer.’ Or the hilariously titled Matching Tye in Essex and Wyre Piddle in Worcestershire.

Reports have reached us of a town called ‘Nowhere’ in Kent, but strangely enough we can’t find it on the map.

Moray Firth Coast, Scotland.

'Moby,' THE WORLD'S ONLY WHALE SHAPED BOAT, was THE CERNE ABBAS GIANT. DORSET launched here in 1996. “The Dick”, If you’ve ever wondered what it feels like to stand inside an enormous erect penis, this is your chance to find out. as it is affectionately known, is 65 Thousands of visitors a year flock to this quiet village in Dorset to sample the rather considerable talents of the 60 ft long, 25 ft high and weighs in at metre tall prehistoric fertility symbol, which is cut into the hillside. an incredible 60 tonnes.

Legend has it that couples who copulate within the boundaries of the giant’s phallus will be blessed with fertility- but take care. Given the sheer scale of this thing it’s easy to end up in the nipples or the eyebrows by mistake. Too much tourism should be avoided in orderto prevent males of the party suffering from feelings of inadequacy- something the prudish Victorians clearly felt keenly about when they covered over this particular piece of anatomy with dirt.

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20 BEER AND BEER

07/05/02 YORK VISION

FANCY A PINT?

The Food and Drink team do. Roxy Warrick and Ed Fotheringham check out five of the best from around the world

GUINNESS Dublin, Ireland Familiar to everyone as that thick heavy stout drunk by old men. Well Guinness is cool, oh yes. Obviously drinking it on tap is best, or at least should be, but because of often-poor sales in many trendy bars, it may have sat around in the pipes. Before ordering a pint always ask "has any one had a pint today?" If the answer is no, or if they seem unsure, don’t do it- it will taste awful.

Enough rant, onto the beer.

If you fancy it at home, this beer breaks the rules- it’s best from a can rather than a bottle.

The initial pour gives you that wonderful cascading head that Guinness Draught is known for, but it disappears much quicker than the show you get from the

tap. What surprised us was the colour. It's almost light enough to be described as red.

Perhaps drinking it in too many darkened pubs has affected my judgement, but the strong household lights manage to get through all that roasted barley. The taste had that classic sourness that puts Guinness on the map, but it’s a bit thinner than a proper pulled pint.

Smells of roasted malt are apparent and it is extremely easy to drink due to the low carbonation. I know we all overuse terms like "smooth" and "creamy", but really

there is no other way to describe this beer. Its look really deceives- it's not that heavy and not that bitter.

Guinness is delicious and surprisingly refreshing. Still afraid? Well if you're a big girl, ease into it with a dash of blackcurrant or stick with your pissy lagers.

Guinness is widely available from any respectable alcohol outlet.

CORONA Dublin, Ireland

DUVEL Belgium Duvel's appearance, cloudy with a pale straw colour, may deter first time drinker.

Yet its smoothness slips down the glass to form a perfect fluffy, creamy head.

Poured properly, it's alleged to be able to hold a coin on its top all the way through. Highly carbonated, it's a joy to watch the champagne-like bubbles float up the glass.

The liberal use of those Saaz & Styrian hops give this a pungent smell like new mowed grass.

It hits the nose with a bready spicyness with fruity edge.

Despite its creamy faça-

de, a shock comes when the razor sharp bittersweetness hits your tongue, which follows through with a spicy almost hot note.

A bizarre but perfect blend of pepper and rich caramel on the palate. The finish is dry but the warming hazy fruit lingering.

Belgium for 'devil', this is a scorcher at 8.5% ABV. Drunk in the correct manner, sipped and savoured, its heady alcohol gives a divine hazy effect. It should be lovingly lapped up from a

large wine-like glass. Do it as the Belgians do, they know. And it really is heavenly.

We can't begin to tell you what a pleasure drinking this beer is. Getting it may be a hassle but hell, it's worth it.

Duvel (8.5% ABV) is available from all 'proper' beer shops priced around £1.75 for a 330ml bottle.

In fact, getting it in York does not actually seem to be that much of a problem.

Goodramgate stocks all the best tipples from around the world, all excellently priced.

GROLSCH Bierbrouwerij, Holland

You have to be skeptical when a beer is not even popular in it's home country.

Mexicans choose other offerings and often laugh when the gringos order what they consider to be just slightly better than pisswater.

One must also be dubious of a beer that is always (should be) served with a lime pushed into the bottle. Does it add to it? Or does it mask the true blandness?

Having said that, I personally find this beer quite nice, and think the customary lime adds an excellent zing.

An excited champagne carbonation level and very pale yellow, the look is pretty ordinary. Always drink out of the bottle, with the affore mentioned wedge of lime stuffed in a spicy clover nose, and sweet clover maltiness on the tongue.

Its texture has quite a bite, like fizzy soda. Very straightforward, very simple. Refreshing. Get them out of the fridge on a hot day and knock them back.

Ok, so if you are gonna stick with your pissy lagers you could do worse than choose Grolsch. It's common, cheap and cheerful.

Its clear golden colour is topped by a thin wispy head. An aroma of sweet malted barley and soft euro hops, with just a kiss of the skunk, which is ok since the hops are supposed to add that aroma.

The taste is sweet and flavourful with an actual soft hop bitterness that we find fairly pleasing. Grolsch has a bite of alcohol that other mass produced lagers just don't have, and a dry finish with a hop aftertaste lingering on the tongue.

Inoffensive and drinkable.

Grolsch is available anywhere that sells beer, and it’s very cheap.

Corona (4.6% ABV) is available from places that sell beer.

Holiday Campus Fayre: First Division or Conference?

Ed Fotheringham tells us how he went hungry over the Easter break Ducks and Pediatricians. Students and no coffee. The joys of Easter on campus for the dull workaholics, including me.

Our quest began, drained and exhausted having had our souls sucked from within us by the abyss that is the JB Morrell library.

Freshers cafe, that haven of baguettes and the slightly stale danish, had shut 5 minutes earlier.

Being the knowledgeable politics students that we are (irony is an important virtue) we thought that Derwent would still be open.

Finding that closed, we staggered in further search of caffeine, by this time one of our party had collapsed, gasping

for tea! Then off to Vanbrugh. We thought we were walking into a drugs haven, the cheeks of the politics student of the year turned pink with glee - she even skipped the last couple of metres.

Political students forced to patronize global chain? It could only be Campus Fayre

Sadly, it was only a Royal College of Nursing Conference on substance abuse.

We shuttled towards the bar only to be stopped in our tracks by a notice that sent us reeling in shock. NO STUDENTS ALLOWED. For 10 minutes, we contemplated becoming nurses for the day just to get to the bar. But that wasn't to be the case with the menacing security on the door, so we wandered back to the SU offices to ask where we could go.

The answer was nowhere, so the university lost our business and the 'capitalist scum' of Starbucks got it instead.

What a sad world, but at least the pediatricians enjoyed it.

BUDVAR Czech Republic This bottle just feels so satisfying. It's how bottles of beer should be. A half litre brown bottle, with a small gold foil cap.

This original Budweiser lager is absolutely clear, with a light amber colour. At first it has a thick offwhite head which quickly disappears. Moderately heavy carbonation that well, just looks refreshing.

And it smells as it looks, with a spicy hop aroma which is clean and fresh. The taste is smooth with fresh lime and herb flavours, and has a very nice dryness with light malt aftertaste. Served ice cold, this is a perfect summer

drink, refreshing, light and tasty. Its sweetness would appeal to those who aren't usually big beer fans.

However, remember that Budvar is an extremely popular, international, mass-produced brew. While it is one of the premier brews in the style, the satisfaction it provides is very basic. Most beer drinkers should love it.

Beer connoisseurs may be looking for something more.

Budvar (5% ABV) is available from all good beer outlets (even Costcutter) priced around £1.25 for a 500ml bottle.

YORK VISION 07/05/02

MUSIC 21

Star Wars gossip, A haunting production of Can this be done in a campus plus Hugh Grant as Ghosts and a blistering bed? Find out this and much, “emotionally stunted performance of Fame! Plus much more in our battle of arsehole.” the sex guides campus drama reviews

VISION REVIEWS

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“We’ll appeal to the paedophile market.”

new songs on the singles collection. It keeps people interested.”

And those 4 new songs are some of the best material The Bluetones have produced since their debut chart-topping album ‘Expecting To Fly’.

However, on recent single ‘After Hours’, the band is seen using custard pie guns on a bunch of singing and dancing children.

Clearly the band aren’t as nice as everyone would have us believe…

“They’re spunge guns – it’s like the film ‘Bugsy Malone. We didn’t actually throw things at them,” Scott laughs. “If Steve Sutherland was still at the NME we’d probably get accused of being paedophiles or something – covering children in white sticky stuff! We’ll appeal to the paedophile market – put that in. It didn’t do Gary Glitter any harm!”

With those demons finally vanquished, Scott goes off to play another superb gig. If you haven’t got the singles collection yet then buy it and be surprised that you already love most of the songs on it. That includes Gary Glitter fans too.

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Two ’Tone revival

Hot on the relaese of their singles collection, James Kelly meets up with the quietly successful Bluetones, to discuss not playing ball with the press, racist slurs and their new target audience.

A

s per usual, I could twitter on about the band as an introduction but, well, Scott Morris, bassist with The Bluetones, kind of does it for me. Um, so, Scott…

“I think with the singles album there’s probably gonna’ be a lot of people pick it up and say, ‘Oh, they did that’ or ‘did they do that one and that one?’ and so on. There’s a lot of people say that to us as well; they don’t realize we actually did all those songs.”

So The Bluetones have just released their singles album.

Just have a look. Yep, thought you might be a bit surprised.

As Scott states, The Bluetones are responsible for a lot of songs that you know and love yet never realized was them.

And that summarizes the band; they’re a lot bigger than everyone realizes. Eight Top 20 singles, three Top 10 albums and numerous sold out tours are testament to this fact. The thing is, with the band being so deceptively big without much promotion, doesn’t Scott ever wish they’d really gone for it?

“We have that sort of ‘too

nice to be famous tag’,” muses Scott. “It’s not something I’ve really been into, just fame for the sake of it. A lot of people just want fame; they don’t care ‘how’ or ‘what for’. I’ve never understood it.

“Obviously, we want to be successful so we have to be well known to give people something to associate with but really we prefer to stand behind the music. It’s not in our nature. We wanted to be as big as we could possibly be but it’s just something in our characters. We will shy away from doing the selling out or whoring ourselves too badly.”

A fair enough decision when you have music like this to ‘stand behind’.

The Bluetones hark back to a time when pop wasn’t a dirty word.

Not that The Bluetones sound is retro – more that they’re reclaiming the word ‘pop’.

Live, they remain one of the best acts in the country, with singer Mark Morris, possessing some of the best indie-shuffle dance moves seen since downstairs at The Gallery. It was such dancing and top tunesmithery that saw the band

hailed as the new Oasis when they first burst onto the scene in 1995.

“That was just bad timing,” grins Scott. “We’re not like Oasis; it’s just two brothers.

It’s an angle for journalists to take. But they’ve gotta’ have something to go on because we’re so dull otherwise.

There’s nothing to write about!”

Such refusal to ‘play the game’ has led to several music journalists really going for the band, most notably when they were labelled racist.

“Yeah, that was Steve Sutherland,” recalls Scott, who still clearly feels strongly on the subject. “He just didn’t like us.

I don’t know what it was about.”

“You did call his mum a slag,” chips in guitarist Adam Devlin.

“That might have something to do with it.”

Well she is a slag,” chuckles Scott. “He was editor at the time. It’s no coincidence that when he left the NME all ‘The Bluetones are racist’ slurs stopped. It was really tenuous.

At one point in an NME live review we were accused of being racist because we

dressed up as butchers. Can you work it out? We couldn’t.”

“It was annoying because there really isn’t anything you can do to put it to rights or get revenge. That did bother us. I was worried in case some neoNazis or something turned up at our gigs!”

“I was worried for my safety.

Well…” comments drummer Eds Chesters to lighten the mood.

Anyway, Scott. It’s been a while since The Bluetones last album ‘Science and Nature’.

You do realize you’re coming back into a very different numetal landscape that isn’t as keen on actual tunes as it was?

“I think Mark’s been quoted as saying, ‘We’re needed now more than ever’ because things are quite bleak at the moment. But it doesn’t matter what it is: if it’s ragga, nu-metal or something else, there’s always something really crap coming in to the charts. You take any era, any time. Even when there’s good things

about, there’s always a crap movement dominating the charts.”

Scott continues, “I don’t know what Noel Gallagher means about it being the best time for music for years. I can’t see it. I’ve not heard anything in the last five months that has really got me that excited.”

“I don’t want to slag off bands for no reason but Starsailor are a band whose success is a bafflement to me.

I’m not into this borrowing of an identity. Westlife, they’re just scumbags. It seems these days it’s very difficult to get on Radio 1, and Radio 1 is the only thing that is driving the charts. It’s not healthy to have one weekly music paper and one main radio station.”

So Scott, when are The Bluetones going to give us a new album to battle these multiple musical evils?

“Fuck knows. Hopefully early next year if everything goes our way. We’ve got about half of it demoed. We’ve put 4

22 MUSIC

07/05/02 YORK VISION

Tjinder sings

Ewan Tant pops to the Cornershop to find out the latest gossip on their new album, near demise and fondness for Oasis.

“A

lot of people had been saying they didn’t think we’d be back; personally I didn’t think we’d be back, things were that bad.”

It’s been over four years since the last Cornershop album and I catch Tjinder Singh in a reflective mood. It has not been the best of times.

Following an arduous tour, the

Y

ou might have seen Ikara Colt’s name in the NME recently, as leading practitioners of the so-called ‘No Name’ scene. You know the drill: several bands who sound vaguely similar rise to prominence; ailing music paper needs to fill gaping hole in issue; hey presto! Your distinctive art-punk will now be homogenised into a non-existent ‘movement’.

Talented and promising as they are, Ikara Colt don’t deserve this. They certainly shouldn’t be mentioned in the same breath as the Parkinsons (a no-ideas punk band) or the 80s Matchbox B-Line Disaster

“I think being mediocre is about the worst thing you can be.” (students playing Cramps covers). They clearly don’t mind too much, though, as they chose to tour with both of them.

For a group who claimed that all bands should be shot after five years, they’re surprisingly reticent, albeit friendly.

This tour was later described as ‘one of the most exciting lineups seen in years’. How do you feel about that kind of hyperbole?

“Well, the main thing is there’s a good atmosphere at all the gigs,” says singer Paul Resende.

“There’s a good rapport as well with the support bands, we feel like we’re a team, all of us, rather than just three different groups. I think it works well as it’s more of a package rather than a headliner and two oth-

band almost split whilst Tjinder and Ben Ayres released the Clinton project which was a critical success but commercial failure. Tjinder admits he was “disappointed”. Now, finally, the band is back with one of the albums of the year so far: ‘Handcream For A Generation’.

So how does it feel to be back after so long?

ers,” adds drummer Dominic Young.

Those who’ve heard Ikara Colt’s dynamic one-chord rock might think it minimalist. They seem surprised by the suggestion.

“Do you think we have minimal aspirations?” replies Paul.

Well, no, just that your sound is quite … straightforward. Basic, even.

“Well, yeah. It’s not really a conscious decision. That’s just how we write,” says Paul. “I suppose we do have quite minimalist tastes, you know, we’re quite into arty stuff.”

So, what of your tastes? Are there any bands that have had a direct influence? “Well, we’re four individuals…” says guitarist Claire Ingram. “I don’t think we could say that collectively, there was any band that had that kind of effect.”

A lot of people mention the Fall …

“Lazy journalism,” Dominic immediately counters. “I have great respect for the Fall, but, musically, I don’t think they’ve really had an influence.”

I decide it’s time to bring up the matter of the ‘Bands should be shot after five years’ quote.

This will get them going, surely…

“Well, we meant it metaphorically,” says Dominic.

“The majority of bands go on a little too long, and they begin to regurgitate their own sound.

We have more respect for bands who never let us down, who quit at the top.”

Damn.

“We just want to bow out at the top of our game,” says Paul.

“We’d like to keep our dignity.” Claire points out, “There are exceptions to the rule; someone like Sonic Youth, who

“It feels good. We were touring round Europe a few weeks ago and it was very strange, but good.”

Was the success of the last album the reason it took so long to make another?

“I think it was the rate at which we were going - quite arduous touring and a lot of travelling.”

Previously, Cornershop, and particularly Tjinder, were well known for campaigning against industry racism. In the early nineties, they became instant NME heroes as they burnt posters of Morrissey, branding him a racist. On track ‘Wogs Will Walk’ there are still echoes of this vitriol so I asked Tjinder if industry racism still presented major problems.

“Not especially. I think the industry can be really dumb and there are elements of it still there but it’s really more about money than racism.

There’s a certain amount of unfairness without it pointing straight to racism. I mean

Rocky (glorious Bolan-esque new single, ‘Lessons Learnt From Rocky I to Rocky III’) had a really good response but Radio One hasn’t play listed it and that’s the sort of unfairness some musicians are given the stairs, some get the elevators and motherfuckers like us have to be superman. There’s that sort of element to what’s gone on, with this as well. It’s been banned from Jo Whiley because there’s a bit of swearing in it.”

Ah yes, ‘the overgrown super shit’ or TOSS which is the main target of Tjinder’s fury on the latest single. Could this refer to the current nu-metal scene?

“Well first of all it’s not new, and it’s not metal. So there’s not much of a scene there at all really.”

In terms of metal, I take it you’re more into the older stuff?

“Yeah, there’s not the same approach to the songs. New rock is…well, quite frankly it’s terrible. Whereas I think the old rock had a totally different style, and one I like in terms of production and recording. Got a bit of weight to it compared to the new stuff… but also, fucking hell, Muse - that’s atrocious.”

Is there anything out there at the moment you like?!

“I think the more interesting stuff around at the moment is stuff like the White Stripes, Moldy Peaches, Jeffery Lewis that sort of stuff. The Streets is great. Very political. I’ve not a doubt that’s gonna hit the big time.”

On the thirteen minute psychedelic whiteout ‘Spectral Mornings’, there is a guest appearance from Noel Gallagher. Tjinder confesses to a great admiration for Oasis

Colt phenomenon Simon Keal battles with Ikara Colt to try and get them to say anything of note and evntually bleeds the stone dry. are fantastic, would probably beg to differ, but I don’t want to start a band debate right now about when we’re going to split up…maybe later on…” they burst out laughing.

Who do you see as your contemporaries, then?

“Well, we’d definitely be glad if there was some kind of

renaissance in guitar music around now. I think things are getting quite exciting again,” says Dominic.

“In terms of contemporaries, well, I’d say that lot,” states Paul, gesturing towards the room where the Parkinsons are residing.

“I think there’s a kind of

unifying spirit to all these bands.” Dominic adds, “We’re trying to put the roll back into rock. The roll got lost somewhere down the line, it’s all rock. And now, I think rock’n’roll is coming back!”

How do you feel about being presented as an ‘alternative’ to the mediocre indie-pop

“Some musicians are given the stairs, some get the elevators, and motherfuckers like us have to be superman.”

and seems to believe there is still time for a comeback.

“Anyone with a lead singer like Liam is on to a winner. He’s a colourful star.”

He also declares himself a fan of the Strokes although he admits to being “a bit perturbed about how much of a lift they have. How much they use the fucking elevator, you know?”

Anyway, back to the album, about which Tjinder is obviously excited:“it’s good to think of something and then keep ploughing on at it”. But he admits that it “took it’s toll” on the band.

Given the success of ‘Born For The Seventh Time’ and the failure of Clinton, are you concerned about this album succeeding commercially?

“I want the album to do well - it was quite a stressful time. It would be stupid of me to say ‘well, I don’t care it’s out there’ ‘cos that’s not the attitude I’ve ever had. Having said that, the response has been rather emphatic and positive so I think it will do well. There’s certainly not that many bands or albums out there at the moment.”

It’s good to see that Tjinder does still have the drive to propel Cornershop forward. I, for one, am glad Cornershop are back.

that’s found its way into the charts recently?

“Well, we’re against a lot of the chart pop, and we’re against a lot of mediocre indie,” Paul decides. “I think being mediocre is about the worst thing you can be.”

After finally offering a soundbite-worthy quotation this polite indie group are completely transformed when they take the stage later. A drunk Paul Resende leaps about and remonstrates with the audience, as his band’s scything guitars silence the chattering punters. If they can free themselves from the shackles of made-up ‘scenes’, they might well become a band to watch.

YORK VISION 07/05/02

MUSIC 23

LIVE REVIEWS

GIGS Isobel Todd 10th May: Hundred Reasons Manc Uni. (0161 8321111) Whilst next month sees the release of this punk band's debut LP, their success so far provides something of an alternative line in vocational guidance. Basically, if you've always fancied being a rock star, ignore your supervisor's derisive laughter and go to it.

When a bunch of old-skool metal fans with a crustier, sweatier John Power for a front man can enjoy NME cover status, it seems anyone's in with a chance. On the other hand, probably not the best time to opt for a career in rock photography.

10th May: Seafood (+Jetplane Landing) Fibbers (01904 651250) Beefed up indie punk.

11th+12th May: Kylie Manc.

ENA (0161 2752930) More hooks than an abattoir, and just slightly less raw flesh.

Pop perfection.

12th May: Wilco (+Preston School of Industry) Manc.

Uni (0161 2752930) Alt-country favorites return with a stripped down line-up and a stripped down sound. Their refusal to make fourth album 'Yankee Hotel Foxtrot' more "commercially viable" left them temporarily up shit creak without a label, but it's clearly paid off. Refreshingly bleak, like a late night detour over Walmgate stray. With support from ex-Pavement guitarist Scott Kannenberg.

12th May: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club Manc.

Academy (0161 8321111) James Kelly says "They're good they are."

14th May: The James Taylor Quartet Fibbers (01904 651250) Last chance to catch this sixpiece before their Grad Ball gig plummets them beyond your reaches to 'An Audience With Dan Simon' status.

17th+18th May: Rammstein Manc. Apollo (0161 2422560) In the early nineties an assembly of factory-weary proletarians from East Germany united in agreement that enough was enough. Did they quit? Did they strike? Did they instigate bloody revolution? No, they formed a band, specializing in piss-poor shock rock and high level theatrics. Not quite what Marx might have envisaged, but Rammstein quickly amassed a loyal live following, largely thanks to front-man Till Lindemann's habit of performing entire songs whilst engulfed in flames. Particularly popular in Europe, apparentlysomething you might wish to bear in mind come the referendum.

18th May: DJ Shadow Manc.

Academy (0161 8321111) Josh Davis takes a rummage through the dance recycling bin, turns up scraps of ambient, funk, soul, jazz, and other unclassifiable incidentalia, and then-piff paff pooff- turns them into an experimental masterpiece of white suburban hip hop.

21st May: Dot Allison Manc.

Uni (0161 2752930) Ex- One Dove singer, whose managed to hang on to pop's peripheries through a series of minor reinventions- this time from atmospheric electro dub to atmospheric electro clash.

Her blissed out vocal style, perfect on Death In Vegas' hit single Dirge, can often seem rather frail live. Bit of a wet elf.

Spiritualized

Belle and Sebastian

York Barbican (14th March 2002)

Brixton Academy (3rd April 2002)

Doves Leeds MET (30th April 2002) The Doves appear to be having the time of their lives. Supporting Travis was a good way to break the new songs in, but now they are back on their own turf.

Jimi Goodwin spends much of the gig thanking the audience for their support. There really is no need for this.

The Doves are on fantastic form.

On their tour for ‘Lost Souls’ the songs seemed to lose something live, but no longer. The tracks from new album ‘The Last Broadcast’ may have something to do with this change.

The new songs are imbued with positivity, typified in astonishing new single ‘There Goes The Fear’.

‘Words’, ‘Pounding’ and ‘Caught By The River’ are all future anthems. Every song is played with such enthusiasm it’s difficult to see who’s enjoying themselves the most, the band or the crowd.

The older songs seem to have a new spark, missing from the last tour.

‘Here It Comes’, ‘Sea Song’, and ‘Catch the Sun’ are greeted with huge cheers and ‘The Cedar Room’ finally becomes the epic sing-along it was always destined to be.

They finish with two songs not from the albums, with the band almost dancing round the stage. It’s the sound of a band just getting better and better while shaking off the melancholy of ‘Lost Souls’.

If they aren’t selling as many records as Travis and Oasis by the end of the year then it will once and for all prove that people have no taste.

(Ewan Tant)

“Are you sure you’re at the right gig?” quips Stuart Murdoch after the umpteenth cry from the crowd to “turn it up”, but there’s no real doubt about where we are tonight.

Aside from the shameless indie dancing, there are tea towels on sale at the merchandise stand, Tom Smithard look-alikes at every turn, and a steel band brought onstage mid-set simply because “they used to have them on Blue Peter”. It’s very Belle and Sebastian.

Yet despite all this, it’s getting harder to be cynical. When the chorus to new song ‘The Magic of a Kind Word’ bursts in (“Hey, cut me loose, now I’m feeling fine!”) it captures the band’s mood perfectly.

“I’m well up for it!” yells Stuart early on, and by the encore he’s leaping about the stage like an over-excited five year old. No-one could accuse this band of being introvert tonight.

However, just occasionally, the sound does need turning up – a gorgeous rendition of ‘You Made Me Forget My Dreams’ is almost drowned out by a background hum of audience conversation.

But it’s a trivial complaint when the songs, and for that matter the performance, are this good.

Judging by tonight’s show, their forthcoming Glastonbury set is definitely something to look forward to. Just make sure you get close enough to the speakers.

(Tom Elcock)

Mclusky York Fibbers (12th March 2002) Personally I've never bought all this 'white noise onslaught' and 'destroying feedback' mumbo-jumbo. I've seen too many bands expecting a Merzbow-like racket to actually punish me physically and instead been rather well lookedafter by invariable fops.

One can imagine that the music, say, the Velvet Underground were making in 1969 might have been quite shocking. That sort of raggedy rock'n'roll hardly seems like a selling point now, though; Status Quo could probably achieve an approximation of 'noise' as long as they played loud enough and badly enough.

Most recently, I've seen the kind of poor descriptive work specified here applied to Mclusky, although it's probably just the responsibility of hacks who've picked up on Steve Albini's involvement as producer. The band themselves claim to 'care', apparently even going so far as bleeding on stage, so probably consider themselves something a little more serious than peddlers of some trashy racket.

Well, unfortunately for them, the central merit of their show is that they make said racket a little bit louder and quite a bit trashier than most other bands.

During the gig I began to suspect there may be some sort of bitterness underlying their efforts, but I was comfortably pissed enough to ignore it. The band’s stage presence is thankfully somewhat removed form Strokes-style shoegazing, and it seems like fun was had by most. A pretty good night out by my standards.

(Robin Howells)

...And You Will Know Us By The Trail Of Dead + Vue

F The Chemical Brothers

W

Manchester Apollo, 21st March 2002

hy, at every gig, do I end up stood next to the big fat smelly bastard, and the geriatric trying to re-kindle their youth with a bloody glow stick?! At least my dancing was overshadowed though and almost looked normal.

However, this had to be one of the gigs I have most looked forward to in my life. I had not drank all day in fear that I would need to leave half way through.

On stage they had millions of synthesisers, mixers and lots of other little gadgets as well as a screen round the bottom of their stand. Oh, and a massive one that came from above, and nearly twatted them on the heads.

Even if you don’t like the Chemicals you could just go to watch their videos. It was pure genius the way the videos were perfectly in synch with the songs on the screen that covered half the back of the Apollo.

The atmosphere of the crowd was electric; more than likely due to copious amounts of E, judging by all the

massive pupils. beginning with a stonking rendition of ‘Come With Us’, the Chemicals played all the classics like ‘Hey Boy Hey Girl’ with everyone knowing all the words. ‘Star Guitar’ was fucking amazing, forcing everyone to near silence and was definitely the highlight.

For the Chemicals to make such storming albums then manage to take the songs to a whole different level live is indicative of their being Gods.

‘Block Rockin’ Beats’, with its accompanying little man ska dancing on the video, was a tear jerking moment too.

Manchester was the home coming for the Chemicals and this was reflected in their performance and enthusiasm.

The poor lads had to stop for a break half way through – they must have been knackered and so was I after all my funky chicken dancing. I think by this time the glow stick owner was getting repetitive strain the way she was banging it.

Some claim that the Chemicals have been off the dance club scene too long. Absolute bollocks, and this gig proved it. The Chemicals are at the forefront of their own league and should stand proud and be counted.

(Ruth Parrott)

Leeds MET, 23rd April 2002

irstly we have Vue, a band initially vaunted by Vision back in February as 'distilling the spirit of the Rolling Stones, with the visceral impact of punk and the occasional r&b derived rhythm'.

This viewpoint was not far from wrong.

Although new to our shores, Vue already sound classic.

Maybe it's because of their ragged bluesy sound that could be plucked right out of the '60s, or that the band propel their songs to an intrigued crowd with enthusiasm and energy. Either way this band are destined for widespread acclaim. Indeed singer Rex Shelverton (note other band members names include Jeremy Bringetto, Rafael Orlin, and Jonah Buffa!), howls songs such as 'Pictures of Me' and 'Hitchhiking', with such vigour that it's hard not to like Vue. This is a band of their time; they have the conviction, the tunes, and the attitude - what else could you want?

So where do we go from here?

Luckily …Trail Of Dead aren't ones to disappoint. Famed for their incendiary live shows, they begin the first date of a European tour (on the back of the

For once we’re glad to find ourselves seated- not only because this is a bloody long gig, but because of the feeling that, if it weren’t for the chairs, we’d be scraping each other off the walls come the end of the night.

Spiritualized’s music is so powerful live that it seems to take on physical form.

From opener Cop Shoot Cop we’re whipped back in our seats by a barrage of sound (the Waltzer experience, minus the nausea) and as the music spirals on you get the uneasy sense that something is being stretched too far. This is what Jason Pierce likes to do- take every track to its elastic limit, then draw it out for another twenty minutes. Best sit back and take it.

Each song is embedded in the drone of Pure Phase, emerging and dissolving again into an atmospheric hum.

So it’s hard to get a grip on exactly what’s happening (except that they play nearly all of Ladies and Gentleman, incorporate the odd Spacemen 3 track and largely ignore Let It Come Down.)

And as the music gravitates from lavish assaults to raw weeping songs, we’re confronted with a crazy light show. A Prussian sky with twinkling stars for the comedown tracks, wildly rotating beams for the songs about being fucked, and a blanched white stage for the one about cocaine.

Spiritualized don’t do gigs, they do extravaganzas, audio-visual endurance tests in which every concievable sound is created, every extant decibel scaled, and every colour of the rainbow burned into your retina. All of which relies upon the audience being thoroughly mashed, but then that’s something Spiritualized have always been able to count upon.

(Isobel Todd)

recent release of excellent new alt-rock album 'Source Tags And Codes') with a burst through 'It Was There That I Saw You' and new single 'Another Morning Stoner'. With such a frenetic intro it is unsurprising that the bass amp fuse explodes.

However, rather than letting the atmosphere subside during the change of amps, drummer Jason Reece strides towards the appreciative audience with a huge bottle of Jack Daniels to pour down their welcoming throats. Never has band/audience interaction been so cool.

From here on in the show proceeds to be a riot of blood, sweat, and energy as both band and crowd feed off the intense atmosphere and the urgency of …Trail Of Dead's sound.

During 'Homage', Jason launches himself screaming into the crowd as the band rip speedily through the chaos, and 'A Perfect Teenhood' sees guitarist/lead singer, Conrad Keely lying back in the crowd attempting to slash his guitar as admiring hands maul him.

With each of the guitars cranked to stun, none of the songs fail to please, and the show finally climaxes with the customary trashing of a drum kit and guitar. This turns out to be the ideal end to a remarkable gig.

(Rob Bell)

24 MUSIC

07/05/02 YORK VISION Hundred Reasons

I

Fischerspooner

H

#1 (out now)

ow does a New York performance collective spearheaded by two flagrantly camp yuppies sound? One that charges twenty grand to put on a gig due to the extravagant nature of the shows and has just signed to Ministry of Sound in the bizarre record deal of the year?

Well, either you’re into music-hall indulgence or you’re not, and when I first got wind of the Fischerspooner hype, I was quite looking forward to liberally slating them whenever they (inevitably) arose in polite conversation. In the event, ever since hearing my exclusive-promo-wanker copy of #1 (YOU pretend you have one; seriously, in about a month everyone will realise you may have been COOL; I take mine round ALL the hip bars), I’ve been considerably less inclined to.

You see, in what is undoubtedly a super-modern twist, the music is actually the opposite of the image. It’s made in an utterly primitive fashion with old-skool staples like 303s and 808s and 8-bit samplers, and draws for inspiration almost wholly on Electro dating from the ‘80s to the present day.

If you don’t know what these machines are, by the way, then (sin-

cere) congratulations on your life, but you probably wouldn’t enjoy having them explained.

The best thing about #1 is the fact that such techniques underpin remarkably good songs. I nominate ‘Emerge’ and ‘Invisible’ as high points, but Fischerspooner have plenty more up their lace sleeves. There are three instrumentals, which, because Warren Fischer is not a hugely skilled producer, sound a little superfluous next to the aforementioned.

This doesn’t really detract from the album, however, and #1 is especially recommended if you’re looking for something with NO SODDING GUITARS ON IT. What’s more, they pull off the remarkable trick that seems to have eluded all other synth-pop revivalists, namely not sounding so completely bloody eighties.

Without meaning to sound jaded, it is finally necessary to point out that poppy Electro groups like DMX Krew have been around for years.

Fischerspooner are, however, at least their equal, and will certainly sell more successfully than their lowerprofile counterparts ever have. If Tiga and Zyntherius can crack the Top Forty with an Electro cover of a shit 80s ballad, then Ministry’s £2 million is starting to seem like a sound investment.

(Robin Howells)

Ideas Above Our Station (20th May)

t’s all in the timing if you’re a British rock band, readers. Emerge in 1997, when string-laden angst is in and crunchy-sounding guitars are out, and the chances of you hitting the top twenty are negligable. Now, however, you can get a chart smash without even having the good grace to be talented (see Lost Prophets) and plucky, crazy-haired youngsters Hundred Reasons are appearing alongside the latest Simon Cowell-endorsed shit on the nation’s favourite, Top of the Pops.

Notions of luck aside, the sheer quality of this Surrey five-piece’s tunes has always helped them stand out from the pack. And, having slowly built up their fan base with a succession of excellent EPs, ‘Ideas Above Our Station’ should represent the fruit of their two-year labours. Are they as far ahead of their anaemic contemporaries as those scintillating early singles suggested, or will they prove to be just another two-great-songs-andloadsa-filler guitar band?

Initial spins of the album leave the listener somewhat ambivalent; yes, there’s a catchy chorus here and there, but nothing seems to be topping last year’s blistering single and album opener ‘I’ll Find You’.

Furthermore, one of their finest

Splendid Animation (20th May)

Gold Dust Noise (20th May)

CBGB’s And The Birth Of US Punk (13th May) So another plan comes together and the music press would have got away with it too if it wasn’t for those pesky kids. Those ‘pesky kids’ have packaged this rather superb collection together of bands that walked the legendary New York CBGB’s punk venue.

And the scam? All those new bands the music press are salivating over in their search for lost youth are copyists.

For example, the New York Dolls’ ‘Trash’ is everything The Strokes are attempting whilst the Sonics’ take on ‘Louie Louie’ demonstrates the full raggedness and animalistic nature of U.S. punk.

Elsewhere, Suicide offer up the most unsettling sounds since St. Winifred’s choir, although this time it’s disturbing for all the right reasons.

The odd track may be a little weaker, such as The 13th Floor Elevators effort, which probably sounds great on a medicine cabinet cocktail but otherwise is a little dull.

However, tracks offered up by the likes of Blondie more than make up it.

Therefore, buy this album both for its nihilistic pleasure and to stop the most retrogressive movement outside Amish communities.

(James Kelly)

early singles, the At The Drive-In-like ‘Remmus’, has been left off the album. This could either be a sign of cockiness or bad taste.

It’s only on the third or so listen that the tunes really start to hit home, and it’s at this point that ‘Ideas Above Our Station’ becomes the exhilarating, visceral rock record you were always hoping Hundred Reasons would deliver. Aside from ‘I’ll Find You’ and the chart-bothering ‘If I Could’, there are at least five or six songs that could be singles (the cracking ‘Dissolve’ and ‘Oratorio’ among them).

Their chief attribute, Colin Doran’s roaring vocals, have never sounded better, and the band’s songwriting has progressed concurrently.

The only false notes are struck by the two ‘ballads’, ‘Falter’ and ‘Avalanche’, which are a little too heavy-handed to really convince. These two minor setbacks aside, the pace rarely lets up over the album’s 38-minute duration, making for a consistent and hugely entertaining debut.

Don’t expect any major deviation from the patented ‘plaintive verseshouty chorus’ formula, but if you’re looking for a rock album that rejects both the corporate behemoth of yank nu-metal and the listless dirges of its britrock contemporaries, ‘Ideas Above Our Station’ should be your first stop.

(Simon Keal)

Tetra Splendour

Kid Galahad

Various

ALBUMS

My brother really likes the opening track ‘Where’s my Gold’ whereas my mum thinks that ‘Stealin’ Beats’ sounds like some other band (“oh, you know the one...”). Anyway, ignore them and don’t be scared off by the track names. This isn’t one of those depraved ‘rap’ albums full of ‘hoods’ who go around icing their ‘hos and such like. It’s an album of proper songs with guitars and a man singing with his voice.

There’s a bunch of different styles going on here. ‘Skedaddle’ opens like one of those Elliot Smith waltzes whilst ‘Pack it in’ sounds all shouty like a shouty band. It’s kinda’ like they’re experimenting without ever being experimental, and never really find their own sound. It’s the kind of thing that you’re gonna’ listen to and you’re all like: “yeah, this is alright”.

When its finished, you put it away and forget about it for six months. And then, one day when you’re mooching around your room, you find it again, listen to it again and then you give it to your little brother.

To sum up? An album of up-beat catchy pop music a bit like those other albums of up-beat catchy pop music that you may have heard (“oh, you know the ones...”).

(Matt Cavill)

The Bellrays Meet The BellRays (out now) Rock and soul have always caused unease amongst some people. If it doesn’t then something’s wrong.

Therefore, you can imagine my relief when one of the politics editors asked me to turn this off because it was ‘just a bit too much’.

Yep, this is mighty fine rock ‘n soul. Imagine if Aretha Franklin had decided to front The Who or The Stooges; it really is that good.

Admittedly, it takes a couple of listens but the likes of recent single ‘Fire On The Moon’ is indicative of rock ‘n roll driving full pelt at a brick wall…blind folded.

To make it even better, songs like ‘Zero pm’ talk of ghettoes and the KKK; this is true soul and makes you realize how incendiary the likes of James Brown were to racially segregated ‘60s America. Elsewhere, ‘They Glued Your Head On Upside Down’ offers the best chance of singles success, although is disappointingly not about a bearded bald man.

Right; I’m now young, dangerous and rock ‘n roll. I’m off to sharpen the edges of my copy of ‘Meet The BellRays’ to cut off Belle And Sebastian’s collective knackers. The war starts here and forced castration is the way forward.

(James Kelly)

It’s not all fun and games being Porthcawl’s favourite sons, growing up near Europe’s biggest caravan site. Oh no, think on. There’s also the paranoia. The band distrust public transport. And then there’s plane crashes. They happen too. No wonder these kids from South Wales are so fucked up. No wonder the singer’s so fucking...intense.

On the song ‘C.F.C.s’ he’s got a headache and hayfever. Imagine: “I’ve got pollen in my eyes, and however much I try, yeah, my hands are untied, but its making me cry”. Think about that for a second.

Yeah, there are ‘breezy’ bits and they can write a ‘tune’, but don’t get caught off guard ‘cos they’re still dealing with some heavy shit. Tetra Splendour aren’t gonna’ side-step the issues. For example, they know this girl who’s got herpes and there’s a man in disguise in the back of their car. Tetra splendour are some outrageous, for real motherfuckers.

As for the music, which is what they’re all about, the songs start quiet, and then, without warning, they go loud. Unreal. It’s like some kinda’ aural assault or something. But, check this, they’ve got the melodies and choruses too.

(Matt Cavill)

SINGLES James Kelly Halo SancTiMoniOUs (20th May) Thankfully not some cod-rap nu-metal from these rising stars of rock. Sounds very similar to early Muse but without the vocal histrionics and nagging feeling that Matt Bellemy thinks he's in Phantom of the Opera. Oh, and the singer's also not as much of a tit as the progrock screeching one.

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club - Spread Your Love (20th May) Imagine if Noddy Holder had been a member of the Jesus and Mary Chain and you'll get the idea of what this sounds like.

An impressive '70s style stomp yet weaker than the previous two singles.

The Music - The People EP (out now) Simply amazing.

The first band that really deserves the hype for a very long time.

Catching their incendiary live sound, this brings Led Zeppelin and the Stone Roses screaming into the 21st century but with the addition that you can't help but put on your dancing shoes to its frenzied rhythms. Just buy it 'cos this much excitement's not good for my heart.

Actual Size Sunday Driver (20th May) I said last time that this new band made the Beta Band sound as maverick as Bon Jovi.

I lied - the Beta Band are little more than Status Quo copyists in comparison to this. Don't quite know what Actual Size are doing or taking but it's certainly an interesting and very enjoyable trip.

The Electric Soft Parade - Empty At The End/This Given Line (13th May) If you haven't got the album yet than you're behind the times. ESP are the natural outcome for a band that grew up during the 'Britpop' era, with 'This Given Line' a particularly fine example of how a pop tune should be done.

DJ Shadow You Can’t Go Home Again (20th May) …or at least that's what I told the IndieSoc chair on hearing he owned The Vengaboys' album. Anyway, this is dance music that you can actually listen to. Can't really describe what it sounds like though as 'the Shadow' (street language) continues to forge his own impressive sound. Meanwhile I await the court action for slander from IndieSoc. Leaves - Race (out now) Already coheadlining with The Strokes in their native Reykjavik, Leaves lurk somewhere between Doves and Elbow. Judging by this, it's a good place to be, especially since Doves vacated the spot reserved for 'epic music'.

YORK VISION 07/05/02

25

Wi ! n ! o i it Set t pe Box m Co f y f Bu

n

Vision has one box set of Buffy Season 4 on Dvd to give away - that’s 6 DVDs.

rocks for Oz as he confesses he is still in love with Willow, while a bewildered Willow confesses her newfound relationship with Tara!

It’s released to buy on May 13th from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment and is available for the first time on DVD and video and in widescreen, in one collector's edition boxset. The set contains all 22 butt-kicking episodes plus a fantastic line-up of special features.

Angel fans will also be delighted to see a return of Angel to Sunnydale in 'The Yoko Factor', leaving Buffy divided between old flame and new boyfriend Riley.

To win, simply answer the following question: Which Nestle coffee product did the bloke who plays the librarian used to advertise?

Season 4 sees the introduction of new character Riley as the boyfriend of Buffy and love blossoms in Sunnydale for the couple as they discover each other's powers. Romance is also on the

Bar & Restaurant Set in ‘The Quarter’ of York, famous for its fashionable and exclusive shops, bars, and restaurants, Kites provides a break from the humdrum of student life.

The bar during the day provides a haven of refreshment from a busy urban lifestyle, and when the sun sets the bar transforms into a vibrant and alluring venue.

The restaurant offers the discerning diner an extensive international menu, prepared by a skillful and creative team of chefs. The atmosphere is intimate and relaxed with attentive but unobtrusive staff offering an experience to be savoured.

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Answers to competitions@vision.york.ac.uk

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26 FILMS

07/05/02 YORK VISION

Under the Censor’s Knife Jess Shiddell questions the true importance of the role that censor’s play in our lives...

F

ilm censorship touches the lives of everyone who watches films. Since the beginning of the films industry, films have shocked others into wanting them cut or even banned. . In the UK the issue of censorship has been pursued under several acts of parliament, in particular the Obscene Publications Act. There is no doubt that censorship is for protection, as James Ferman, appointed President BBFC in 1975 said "…we're not the guardians of the industry, we're the conscience of the industry".

But the crucial question is, who or what is censorship protecting?

This is a question that has been brought to the forefront of public consciousness once more with the imminent release of French film 'The Pornographer'. A film steeped in controversy and subject to censorship problems for content made obvious by the title.

However 'Crash', the film that caused a huge stir when released a few years ago and famously banned in the borough of Westminster after Virginia Bottomley saw it, has recently been televised on channel four.

One of the most famously censored films is Stanley Kubrick's 'A Clockwork Orange', which was withdrawn in 1973 and was not allowed to be shown until after his death. The popular belief is that the censors withdrew it but in reality Kubrick withdrew it himself after his family received death threats from an incensed public.

Another infamous film, 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre',was banned twice before finally being released.

Nowadays films are more likely to be cut rather than banned.

While most cuts occur in violent

films such as Terminator and Die Hard 2, even family films don't escape unscathed. A change in society’s views has led to a decrease in the number of films cut by the BBFC. Last year only 2.8% of films were cut compared to 7.5% ten years ago and a massive 21.8% twenty years ago.

The murder of James Bulger in 1992 led to a tightening up of classification for violent films and a shift has occurred away from censorship and towards enforcement of classification, to ensure films reach the correct audience.

Film censorship will occur for as long as films are made for public viewing, but how far is censorship a valuable public service, rather than a prudish minority deciding what the public can experience?

The Pornographer: BBFC cut oral sex scene by 11 seconds

Mad About The Boy (12) (Chris and Paul Weitz, 2002, UK) Hugh Grant, Toni Collette, Rachel Weisz. 101 mins.

G

one are the days when Hugh Grant would've had to meticulously stammer every time he was within speaking distance of an American.

The embarrassed, tongue-tied persona was so excruciatingly painful to watch, leaving audiences grinding their teeth and me wanting to throw the remote control through the TV. Everyone would bite their tongues until he finally said those 'elusive' words "I love you".

It served as the perfect antidote for housewives’ discontentmen, however, seeing Grant soar to stardom with sure-fire hits like 'Notting Hill' and 'Mickey Blue Eyes'.

In his latest offering, (based on a popular novel by Nick Hornby), he finally offloads all of these publicschool, bumbling Englishman stereotypes.

'About a Boy' sees Grant’s character, Will Freeman, bear a remarkable resemblance to his true self.

Will is a rich, commitment-shy, irresponsible and 'child-free' thirty-something,

with a very amoral outlook on life.

He believes that 'every man is an island', (Ibiza in his case), and lives by this belief.

Grant acts as the absolute epitome of an "unreliable, emotionally-stunted arsehole" But one day, after encountering a multitude of problems with the opposite sex, he decides that dating single-mothers is the new way forward.

In order to get to know these women he invents an imaginary son called Ned and attends single-parent meetings.

This spurious attempt to bed vulnerable single-mothers lands him in hot water, but does allow him to get to know a suicidal mother (Collete), and her down-trodden son Marcus (Hoult).

As time goes by they form what appears to be an 'awkward' friendship, and whilst Will teaches Marcus how to

stand up for himself, Marcus tells Will how to finally grow up.

‘Mad About The Boy’ was written and directed by the sibling duo behind American Pie. But what appears on paper to be another trite, inane yarn is actually an uplifting and thoroughly humorous tale of one man's struggle with reality.

Will may have lived off the proceeds from his dad's lame 'Christmas jingle' hit all of his life, but it's easy to sympathise with his pitiful, roguish character.

Grant acts as the absolute epitome of an "unreliable, emotionally-stunted arsehole", stealing the limelight from both Hoult and Weiss, (who plays his loveinterest Rachel).

Although we see a careerheight performance from Grant, the rest of the cast is shown to look distinctly mediocre.

Young Hoult lacks genuineness as a moronic preadolescent and Weiss's character seems to be randomly scattered into the script with the probable sole intention of pleasing her testosteronefuelled fan-base.

Toni Collete's chronic-

Rating:- ****

SPECIAL

PREVIEW

Clone-bot’ Wars!!!

depressant, always bawling, mother is plainly irritating and acts as a constant downer.

The directing brothers' Weitz do themselves proud however.

With an array of imaginative but somewhat lazy camera angles they manage to depict the utter lack of meaning within Will's existence.

However, what finally prevents this from being an enchanting comedy is the tedious narrative that's added to Hoult's character.

Whilst Grant's narrative is vivaciously compelling, Hoult's is extremely dull.

It is a clever concept to adopt - that their lives might be somehow inextricably intertwined. But his narrative just drags on and on.

One surprise winner from the film is the score provided

by Badly Drawn Boy. It adds just the right amount of 'slick' to Grant's 'hip' character and never drowns out his amusing oneliners.

And I must also add that it's not a tad as humdrum and annoying as the Four Weddings soundtrack.

(Jonathan Beaufort-Jones)

David White battles with the force, risks being cloned, and goes back to a galaxy far, far, far away to preview Star Wars: Episode 2...

T

hese are times of deep uncertainty. Palpatine is supreme chancellor of a Galactic Republic that has been plagued by corruption and dissent since a feud with the Trade Federation regarding a tax embargo.

The fall of Supreme Chancellor Valerime has shown the weakness of a system requiring only two votes of 'no confidence' for an elec-

tion to be called. Separatists threaten the stability of galaxy politics. There is renewed concern amongst the Jedi Counsel regarding the reemergence of the force's dark side.

A sect known as Sith, that practices the dark side of the force, and that was thought to be a danger only of times past, now threatens the forces balance.

Meanwhile, on our planet, we await the release of the next instalment in the Star Wars saga, enlightened as to the destiny of the republic but

“Amidala will be sporting outfits a little more complimentary to her physique, but no, tragically, not a golden bikini... ” not the fate of the Star Wars prequel trilogy.

Episode II : Attack of the clones is an important test for George Lucas. After an uninspiring Episode I, which provoked a mixed reaction from its audience, Lucas will hope that his cast in Attack of the Clones can silence the critics and ignite the dwindling imagination of Star Wars followers.

If Episode II is to succeed it will require more than stateof-the-art special effects, it will need to emulate the dynamics of character and plot displayed in the day of Luke, Han, Chewbacca and Leia.

Regardless, we are but two weeks from a Star Wars release and there is much to

enthuse over. Following the success of The Fellowship of the Ring, Lucasfilm has opted for a simultaneous worldwide release.

Subsequently the plot is shrouded in secrecy. We can, however, promise you the following: a duel between ObiWan (Ewan Mc Gregor) and Boba Fett's dad Jango (Martin Ksocas); Anakin (Hayden Christensen) swinging two lightsabers; an end battle between 200 Jedi and thousands of Clone Troopers, and even a Yoda fight!

The baddies are set to become badder as the darkness descends. Watch out for the new character Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) as he is bound to lead Anakin and possibly Palpatine to their unenlightened destiny.

Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) has matured into womanhood and will be sporting outfits a little more complementary to her physiquebut no, tragically, not a golden bikini.

Expect a love interest between Padme and Anakin, and yet another 'cool-as-fuck' performance by Samuel L. Jackson's Mace Windu. Oh, and apparently there is an eight-foot Wookie thrown in, just for good measure.

Light-razors at the ready!

A Quirky look at the facts and lies behind Star Wars from Steph Bloomfield and Clare Beaumont.

W

ith less than 16 days until Star Wars "Attack of the Clones" is released, we figured it was time to dish the dirt on the cult series. Although you diehard fans probably know most of this already, here are some remotely amusing facts for the not-so-dedicated ...

Dave Prowse, the man inside the Darth Vader suit, has been quoted as saying that he actually preferred his role as the Green Cross Code man in a road safety advertisement.

There is a scene in Star Wars I, filmed in the senate chamber room where E.T appears in the lower left hand corner of one of the shots. It has been said that George Lucas probably put it in there as a joke for Speilberg.

In the movie "Star Wars" Luke accidentally calls Princess Leia 'Carrie' (her real first name) when getting out of his X-wing fighter.

After reading a thesis by a college student explaining why the moral code of a Jedi Knight excludes revenge, Lucas changed the original title "Revenge of the Jedi".

Luke's Landspeeder was built around a Robin Reliant.. not exactly quite as impressive?!

Qui-Gonn's communicator is essentially a souped up version of a Gillete Sensor Excel for Women.

So why not take a trip to city screen on the 16th May and see if you can spot any more poorly camouflaged 21st century items for yourself.

YORK VISION 07/05/02

FILMS 27

NEW RELEASES

The Scorpion King

Historically inaccurate, and filled with death, (12) (Chuck Russel, 2002, US) Dwayne Johnson, Steven Brand, destruction and scantiKelly Hu. 91 mins. ly clad women

S

et 2,000 years before the 'Mummy Returns', 'The Scorpion King' tells the story of a master assassin Mathayus (played by Dwayne Johnson aka WWF star The Rock.)

He is paid to put an end to the tyrannical rule of expert swords-

man Memnon (Steven Brand).

In order to do this he must slay the warlord's soothsaying sorcerer.Things get complicated, however, when Mathayus discovers that his target is in fact the beautiful Cassandra (Kelly Hu).

One kidnapping later and the

Rock Solid: Dwayne thinks about what he’s gonna cook for tea...

Y Tu Mama Tambien (And Your Mother Too) (18) (Alfonso Cuaron, 2000, Mexico/Spain) Maribel Verdu, Gael Garcia Bernal, Diego Luna. 106 mins.

T

here's a scene early on in Y Tu Mama Tambien which neatly sums up the attitude of the two main characters. "My Dad said I could either take economics or he would take my car," says Tenoch. "You gave up your car for a fucking course?" Julio replies. "Fuck economists," Tenoch counters. "Those pricks can suck my dick."

Such is the blithe attitude of Tenoch and Julio (excellently played by Diego Luna and Amores Perros's Gael Garcia Bernal). They are the young, lewd, lascivious stars of this Mexican road movie. What's that I

hear you say? 'Road movie as in Road Trip?'

Well, admittedly, the film shares its Hollywood antecedents' fondness for scatological humour - one of the film's funniest scenes sees the pair masturbating furiously while lying on diving boards over a swimming pool.

But Y Tu Mama Tambien is far more substantial than the lazy teenflicks with which it shares the genre.

Tenoch and Julio embark on their travels when their girlfriends go on holiday in Europe.

Unlike most Hollywood

films of a similar ilk, the film isn't nudge-wink coy when it comes to sex - the opening scene sees Tenoch and his girlfriend rutting with all the sensuality of a malfunctioning photocopier.

Indeed, sex becomes something of an abiding theme of the film, as the duo are joined on their travels by Luisa (Maribel Verdu), an emotionally volatile, highly attractive woman who attempts to … er … educate them on the way.

Promising her that they are headed for an apparently fictitious beach called 'Heaven's Mouth', the characters' insecurities and immaturities are slowly revealed as the journey gets more fraught.

But - and here's where the film really comes into its own - director Alfonso Cuaron adds an entirely new dimension: occasionally cutting out the sound

Desperately Seeking Inspiration John Jackson guides you through the ‘Hollywood Handbook’ of how to steal original ideas and get away with it...

D

eep within the churning bowels of American movieland now lurks the tome every director or writer, old or new must own and follow religiously. It's the Hollywood Handbook . And we've got hold of an exclusive snippet: “As we in the Movie Business know, it’s brain-wracking work coming up with a pitch for a new movie. But why bother thinking when there's so much stuff out there that’s ripe for the taking?

Just follow one of these Paths to Pitches for a surefire success: 1) Find either a film/book everyone loves (Harry Potter), one everyone's forgotten about (Lord of the Rings), or one hardly anyone's ever heard of (The Shipping News, Charlotte Gray) and 'adapt' it. ('Adapt': read 'buy copyright from gullible authors, draft in celebrity stalwarts, and copy most of the plot, adding sentimentality if it ever gets boring’.)

2) Adapt a video-game (e.g.

scene is set for the type of forbidden love rarely seen on screen (okay it's clichéd but what did you expect?).

The warrior, with the reluctant help of fellow rebel Balthazar (Michael Clarke Duncan), then embarks on a mission to end the life of the evil tyrant Memnon and replace him as King.

The film's opening, in which Mathayus rescues his brother from what appear to be aggrieved escapees from the Jorvik Viking Centre, sets the tone for the film.

It's historically inaccurate, and filled with death, destruction and scantily clad women. Put quite simply, it's a no-brainer, popcorn flickwith few surprises.

The screenplay is weak in parts, and some of the lines are dire. But don't let that put you off, because as an early summer blockbuster 'The Scorpion King', with its well-staged action sequences and impressive CGI, certainly delivers.

Although his appearance in

Tomb Raider). Having a guaranteed following, it'll offer an excuse for unemotional action and violence (forthcoming examples include Resident Evil and Max Payne).

3) Show your 'integrity' by making a biopic. Often real people have complications in their lives but these can easily be whitewashed (see A Beautiful Mind).

Hey - what about that dominatrix Anne Robinson? Wouldn't everyone just love to know about her real life? Well, wouldn't they???

4) Sequel-ise a well-loved blockbuster franchise by rehiring the original stars, inserting huge explosions and special effects if n e e d e d (plot: optional) and whacking a

'The Mummy Returns' was somewhat under whelming, The Rock has enough charm and screen presence to make his leading man debut a success.

His effort to crossover from the world of sports entertainment to the silver screen may not prove as disastrous as many of the high-profile attempts that have preceded him (Hulk Hogan's Mr Nanny or Suburban Commando anyone?).

His performance is reminiscent of an early Arnie. The facial expressions and cheesy one-liners are there, as are the bulging biceps and freshly oiled pecs.

'The Scorpion King', directed by Chuck Russel ('Eraser', 'The Mask'), is The Rock's version of 'Conan The Barbarian'.

It is a fun, brutal movie that is anything but subtle, yet serves as a platform for a star still to find his inner Terminator.

'The Scorpion King' is one of those movies that is easy to mock, but so long as you go into the cinema with an open mind (and preferably an empty head) you're sure to enjoy the 90 minutes of action that unfold before you.

(Mark Rankin)

Rating: - ***

LISTINGS

Every film screened in town and on campus for the next fortnight reviewed by John Jackson

Warner Village at Clifton Moor

www.warnervillage.co.uk; or 08702 406020 for booking and info Bend It Like Beckham

(Gurinder Chandha, 2002, Uk) Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Pariminder Nagra. 112 mins.

Britiish comedy-drama.

Blade 2 (Guillermo Del Toro,

2002, Us) Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson. 116 mins.

Sequel to comic-book vampire-slasher.

Crossroads (Tamra Davis, 2002) Britney Spears, Dan Akroyd. 94 mins.

Britney makes even more money from this road movie.

Ice Age (Chris Wedge,

2002, US) Denis Leary, Goran Visnjic, Kirsten Johnson. 121 mins.

A mammoth on a mission in the amazing computer animation from Fox.

JimmyNeutron:Boy Genius (John A Davis,

2001, US) Debi Derryberry , Martin Short . 82 mins.

Another wacky computer-animation from Nickelodeon.

John Q (Nick Cassavetes,

2001, US) Denzel Washington, Ray Liotta, Robert Duvall. 116 mins.

Oscar-winner Washington in lame hostage melodrama.

K-Pax (Iain Softley, 2001, UK) Kevin Spacey, Jeff Bridges. 120 mins.

Spacey shows his sentimental side, believing he’s an alien. But is he?

Monsters

Inc.

(David

Silverman, 2001, US) Billy Crystal, John Goodman, James Coburn. 92 mins. (see ‘On Campus’ below). mins.

Panic Room (David Fincher, 2002, US) Jodie Foster, Forest Whittaker. 112 mins.

Fight Club’s Fincher director’s new suspense thriller.

Return To Neverland

(Robin Budd, 2002, US) Blayne Weaver, Harriet Owen (voices). 72 mins.

Uninspired Disney schmaltz sequel to Peter Pan.

Road Kill (John Dahl,

2001, US) Leelee Sobieski, Paul Walker, Steve Zahn. 96 mins.

Horror with venge-ful truck driver. Think Spielberg’s ‘Duel’ with teens.

Showtime (Tom Dey, 2002,

US) Eddie Murphy, Rene Russo, Robert De Niro. 96 mins.

Star-studded action buddy flick with a reality TV slant.

The Count of Monte Cristo (Kevin Reynolds

2002, US) Guy Pearce, Jim Caviezel, Richard Harris. 131 mins.

Remake of classc swashbuckler.

The

Scorpion

King

(Chuck Russ 2002, US) Dwayne Johnson aka ‘The Rock’, Kelly Hu. 92 mins.

(See review)

City Screen Coney Street, city centre info 01904 541155, booking 01904 541144

He’s behind you! - The cast obviously hadn’t seen the movie ‘Urban Legend’... completely and imposing a character's lives begin to voiceover which points out run parallel. the myriad conflicts and Funny, rude and tragedies of Mexican life poignant, Y Tu Mama that the three casually pass Tambien is on at the City by on their trip. And, as the Screen for two more days, film reaches its bleak but and is a must-see. oddly hopeful conclusion, (Simon Keal) the social context and the Rating: - ****

We can all rewrite the Hollywood Handbook.

Message over merchandise. Substance over sequels. Creativity over copy. number at the end of the title and... wahey! Terminator 3, the Matrix sequels! An upcoming Indiana Jones flick etc.! etc.!

Follow these formulae and you've got a movie pitch! Without all the thinking!"

A sickening attack of the clones, indeed. And yes, it's true an Anne Robinson biopic is in the pipeline (just how desperate can you get?).

Hollywood's Death Star of unimaginative sequelitis has been rightly pointed out before but, like a depressing number of films, it'll be remade again and again this year .

Unless, that is, by viewing selectively we can all rewrite the Hollywood H a n d b o o k .

Message over merchandise.

A Beautiful Mind (Ron Howard, 2001, US) Russel Crow, Jennifer Connolly . 135 mins. Oscar-winner Howard’s directs sentimental lie-opic of maths genius Forbes-Nash.

15:30 About A Boy (Chris&Paul Weitz, 2002, UK) Hugh Grant, Rachel Weisz. 101mins.

(See main review) 13:30, 16:00, 18:30, 21:30

Gosford Park (Robert

Altman, 2001, UK) Maggie Smith, Alan Bates, Helen

Mirren. 130mins.

A must-see upstairs/downstairs period satire.

12:45, 21:15

Pauline and Paulette

(Lieven Debrauwer, 2001) Ann Peterson, Dora Van der Groen. 78mins.

Bittersweet humane comedy from Belgium writer-director.

Y Tu Mama Tambien

(Alfonso Cuaron, 2001, Mex.) (See Review) 13:45, 16:15, 18:30 (till Thurs), 20:45

The Odeon Blossom Street, city centre Phone 08705 050007 for info & booking

A Boy Panic Room Substance over sequels. Creativity About 13:10,15:30, 17:40, 20:45 12:40, 15:00, 18:00, 20:15 over Copy.

The Scorpion King Remember, there's still hope. Bend It Like Beckham 14:10, 18:30 Directors should take note of the 16:10, 20:25 Coen Brothers, who relentlessly avoid all Hollywood stereotypes On Campus with 'The Man Who Wasn't There' York Student Cinema - P/X001, Physics and 'Oh Brother; Where Art Thou?'

And the dark, violent and intel- see www.yorkstudentcinema.org or phone lectual Fight Club bucked the for- 07811 370288

Week 3: Spy Game Bradd Pitt,

Bob-Thornton. Comedy profiling the world’s most successfu bank robbers.

19:30, Thursday.

Black Hawk Down Ewan

Ocean’s Eleven George Clooney, Brad Pitt. 116mins Re-make of rat-pack classic.

19:30Friday -Double Showing

Robert Redford. 126mins.

Fast-paced spy thriller.

19:30, Thursday

Hollywood Hell: Annie Biopic

Bandits Bruce Willis, Billy

McGregor, Josh Harnett. 144 mins. Action-packed epic set in Somalia 1993.

19:30, Friday

Week 4:

mula with its wild originality Blue Velvet Kyle (despite being based on a novel) Mclachlan,Dennis Hopper. and left us sweating in anticipa- 120mins. Classsic Lynch tion for Panic Room (now on movie;-cinematic & compelling to watch. release).

Both are directed by David 'I 19:30, Sunday swear I'll never do another sequel Mullholland Drive Justin to a studio franchise' Fincher, one Theroux, Naomi Watts A film that makes of the few who hasn't converted to 145mins you ‘think’, not understand. the Dark Side.

19:30, Monday Wait a minute...What's that?

Tom Cruise has just persuaded 40 days and 40 nights.

Hartnett.95mins. him to direct Mission: Impossible Josh Preview of Sex-comedy.

3? Shame.

Wednesday, (Free Preview)

Week 5: Bullets Over Broadway

John Cusack. 98mins. Woody Allen comedy about theatrefolk.

19:30Sunday

The 51st State Samuel L

Jackson, Robert Carlysle. 92 mins Gangster comedy set in Liverpool.

19:30 Monday

Serendipity John Cusack, 90mins Chick-Flick yarn.

19:30Thursday

Monster’s Inc. John Goodman, Billy Crystal. 92 mins. Brilliant animation.

19:30Friday - Double Showing

28 ARTS

07/05/02 YORK VISION

MUST SEE DRAMASOC

of problems. The audience followed such trials as those of the testosterone fuelled Tyrone, the illiterate but brilliant dancer as he wrestled with learning to read under the guidance of academic dragon, Miss Sherman, in order to stay at the school.

Carmen was next, the extraordinarily talented Spanish girl whose lust for life included a serious coke habit and desperation for fame to hit her quickly.

Other scenarios involved the dream love affair between Serena and Nick, or should I say, the romance which Serena was envisioning in her head; the lust triangle between Carmen, Tyrone and Iris; the rich bitch ballerina, foodaholic Mabel's prayer for svelteness and the rock band started by violin virtuoso Schlermo.

So as you can see, it was jam packed with gritty and witty storylines.

It certainly proved to be nothing like its sister TVseries or film, as it had been drastically revamped in order to incorporate modern thinking.

Even with Jamiroquai as background music and featuring a mention of Eminem, Fame could not be dragged away from its promise to fulfill all eighties criteria.

The characters were played by the young newcomers to the professional stage circuit with impressive CVs, considering their recent departure from Bex Loveridge puts on her legwarmers and drags the boyfriend along to 80’s musical Fame! stage schools. This proved to be an ingeneous move on the part of the casting director because the actors wanna learn how to fly,' yes you young to remember the fabulous TV tional. realistically portrayed their characters. know what's coming! FAME! The series or film (and no, I am not that The musical is engineered to folSadly, their efforts were only musical in my opinion with the old, it was only on in the mid eightlow the ups and downs of the eighteen slightly hampered by a limp script and ability to drag you back to an era of ies!), Fame is about eighteen hopefuls performers, taking us from their first the focus was firmly fixed on dance leotards, leg warmers and cheesy eight- and their journey from wannabes to art day to their graduation. This proves to routines whilst the audience were gagies music. What more entertainment school graduates. be a roller-coaster ride for most of the ging for more songs and dialogue. do you need!

Desperate to become something, characters as we see them learning to Fame ended with the supposedly Ah, I can still remember dancing they audition for PA, the New York deal with soap star fame, virtuoso parpoignant memorial to Carmen in which round my bedroom in a pair of pink High School of Performing Arts, and ents, the whole Method Acting thing the cast sing 'Build Our Tomorrow' in legwarmers, a hairbrush/microphone in all 'make the grade', to coin an and of course, the token drug-driven their graduation robes and Serena my hand singing along to the title American phrase. PA caters for the trip to Los Angeles in search of fame. announces that this is the end to an era. track. I am not ashamed to admit that I wannabes perfectly, enabling them to The show opened with pure, Sadly, this left me with an 'Oh no, it's once owned the soundtrack, having learn the tricks of the trade such as untapped energy as the hopefuls gospel' feeling. begged my Mum to buy it for me. dance, acting and music, whilst still danced and sang their way through the Thank God for the reprise! I was Perhaps, my dear reader, you think managing to excel at English and first few numbers. It was clear that won back by a blistering rendition of that I should hang my head in shame Maths. the actors were doing more than just Fame in which the audience joined in for those sad deluded days. However, Amongst them are teachers who going through the motions which can and I could relish yet more eighties if you think that I am the only mad are caring and sharing, treating the sometimes occur due to long touring cheese, this time in a room full of other eighties throwback left, then you too wannabes to discipline and love. Miss schedules. However, the energy and fans, much to the embarrassment of my would have been surprised to find a Sherman cracks the whip within the intensity of their performance as a cast boyfriend sitting next to me. full house at the Grand Opera House school, making sure that each and was heart thumping and enthralling For anyone out there thinking that that night. This cult concept was first every teenager is prepared for the real until the curtain closed on the show. this is hideously naff, I have news for born in the late seventies and still man- world if they should fail in the arts.

Characters created by the claustroyou. You have not lived until you have ages to warm the cockles of most peoHer heartfelt, but more than slight- phobic and talented atmosphere of sung along to this fantastic piece of ple’s hearts, by giving us teenage angst ly cringy ‘These Are My Children’ left drama school emerged and were music. For other eighties cheese lovers, and an intoxicating display of talent. me quite glad that this musical was brought to life by the actors with real I am proud to join you in standing up For those of you who have never about the adolecents and not the teachgusto. and saying I Love Fame and I'm heard of this eighties classic, or are too ers, as they were certainly not inspiraNo character was without its share Proud!

I wanna live forever....!

WEEK 3

Perfect Days A ‘nice comedy’ to escape to.

WEEK 4

True West A contemporary American drama with two first-time directors.

Directors: Ellis and Alex

WEEK 5

The Secret Affairs of Mildred Wild Another American piece, although this time a comedy.

Director: Lea Siba

WEEK 6

The Robber An 18th century swashbuckling German caper (but it’s in English, don’t worry.)

Director: Stephe Harrop

WEEK 7

Bash/ Parenthesis A series of monologues, set to challenge both audience and actor.

Directors: Rob Leigh and Jon Cooper East Physical, weird and very rude, Berkoff at his best.

Directors: Natasha Harrison and Benedict Hitchens (Dixon Drama Studio)

I

Ghosts 19th March, English Touring Theatre, Theatre Royal, York

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iana Quick is best known as the glamorous Lady Julia from the hit TV adaptation of Brideshead Revisited and, from the moment she enters, she seems too big for this stage. Within the unchanging set of a gloomy Norwegian garden room, her voice appears too rich, her gestures too elegant, her face too beautiful.

Which is why she is so ingeniously cast in the role of Mrs Alving, capturing the tragedy of a woman whose energies and talents have been stifled by constructs of ‘duty’ and ‘sin’ and wasted on an adulterous and abusive husband. Now widowed and reunited with her artistic son Oswald (Daniel Evans) she has begun to question the moral guidance of Pastor Manders (William Chubb) as she struggles to confront the ‘ghosts’ of her past.

Having strived to plant a ‘beautiful illusion’ in her son’s mind, Mrs Alving must now decide whether to continue living in the claustrophobic gloom of concealment, or to reveal the potentially destruc-

tive truth about her husband.

Eventually she is compelled to do so by the discovery that Oswald intends to marry the maid Regina (Jody Watson), who is actually her husband’s illegitimate daughter, and blames his own bohemian lifestyle for the syphilis which he has really inherited from his father.

With its gradual unveiling of family secrets, via a great deal of halting (‘and now, finally, I can speak! Actually no, wait a bit…’) dialogue, Ghosts has often been considered dull and stodgy. But director Stephen Unwin is careful that such detailed naturalism should not interfere with the play’s inherent theatricality.

Particularly well accomplished, so that they unobtrusively shape the action, are the symbolic atmospheric shifts from murk and rain to lamplight, through the purging blaze of the Orphanage fire, to the dazzling brightness of the rising sun.

Ibsen’s reputation as the Great Realist has obscured the fact that he was also a writer of comedies. Even this domes-

tic tragedy has its comic elements, most notably in the pairing of the hypocritical and gullible Manders with the wily and manipulative carpenter Engstrand (played by Michael Cronin: AKA Baxter from Grange Hill).

This English Touring Theatre cast is particularly adept at drawing out the potential humour in the lines.

By the end of the first act the audience is so receptive that even the ‘ghosts in the conservatory’ get a laugh; and that’s got to be the least “boom! boom!” moment in drama outside of King Lear.

The only weakness-and this is the play’s, not the production’s- is the abruptness with which we arrive at the tragic conclusion. No sooner has Mrs Alving agreed to end Oswald’s suffering with morphia ‘if it’s ever necessary’, than he has experienced a sudden attack, collapsing vacant and motionless in his chair. This seems to jar with the play’s otherwise naturalistic progression.

However, distress is Quick’s forte, and her portrayal of Mrs Alving, as she grapples alone with this ultimate moral dilemma, is disturbingly real.

The ending is not only justified, it is rendered with such appalling intensity that we are

left shrunken in our seats like a hundred little syphilitic Oswalds. And given that the script runs, ‘Alving: No no no.

Yes! No no. Oswald: The sun, the sun, the sun…’, this is some achievement.

When Ghosts was first staged in the late 1800s it was highly controversial, attracting torrents of abuse from critics who described it as ‘gross; putrid; an open sewer.’ Destructive family relationships, the church’s hypocrisy, feminism, euthanasia, alcoholism, illegitimacy, STDs, adultery, prostitution and incest: this play’s certainly got it all.

Whilst many of the causes for which Ibsen fought have long ago been won, Ghosts remains a pertinent study of family life. Most modern day adolescents, in conflict with their parents, have eventually resorted to Oswald’s argument, ‘I never asked you for life’ and tonight it’s one such who delivers the final moral judgement. As Mrs Alving and Oswald (in an addition to Ibsen’s directions) meet in slightly too lingering and passionate an embrace, one of the school-kids in the audience is heard to mutter “eurgh gross!” I’m pretty sure Ibsen would have relished it.

Isobel Todd

Berkoff’s East: Dixon Drama Studio, Week 7

WEEK 8

The Visit A vengeful drama, with murder, sex and greed.

Director: Max Brode

WEEK 9

The Revenger’s Tragedy A gory Jacobean Play, brought to you by the director of the Peach Wallpaper.

Director: Toby Steedman Everyman A modern adaptation of a medieval spectacle, staged in the Quiet Place Director: Nina McBreen

REVIEW

The Great Realist: Henrik Ibsen

YORK VISION 07/05/02

ARTS 29

Dramasoc’s New Frontiers however. In one wartime producent tone on the play each night." tion of Othello Olivier and Gielgud Cynical members of the audiswapped their roles as Othello and ence will see this merely as a way Director: Ellis Matthews Iago on consecutive performances. of doubling the audience by making them come twice. This may, Drama Barn The Drama Barn version of True West will use the same trick. however, be a little uncharitable.

Week 4 The play is on for four nights "We're hoping people will go and the principle actors will swap both nights. I think it'll be very ramaSoc has a new leader, parts on each night. Elis enthuses: entertaining and revealing if you diminutive first year Elis "By doing this we get a completely see it the once. But if you want to Matthews. Crowned last different interpretation of the play. get that little bit extra out of it and Monday, he promised to "keep the The two guys will use their physisee what we can actually do with society going on the level that it is cality and their voices to look difthe play, then come and see it at the moment." ferent and act differently. We're twice, especially as we're trying to Those interested in how hoping to get a completely differorganise discount ticket prices for Matthews’ year at the helm may be shaped should have their curiosity satisfied in Week Four, with his Drama Barn directorial debut, True West.

Set in the 1980s, True West revolves around two brothers from Los Angeles, Austin and Lee. One is a Hollywood scriptwriter, the other a petty thief. Meeting for the first time in five years at their mother's house, they soon begin to realise how much they want to be more like each other.

The four person cast combines inexperience with maturity, consisting of Matt Barker and Phil Dyas as the brothers, Ros Steele as the mother, and Lee Ravitz in the minor role of a larger-than-life Hollywood producer.

Of the two leads, Phil is “a big chap with a very open character, whilst Matt's got this incredible intensity in the way he acts - he's very good at Austin, who's very reserved."

Matt Barker and Phil Dyas in rehearsals for True West, showing wk 4 Matt is not just playing Austin,

True West

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Louise Burns and Rebecca Loveridge look ahead to the next fortnight’s helping of culture those who see it twice.

“The idea of role swapping really appeals to me - I think it'll work particularly well in the personal, intimate space of the Drama Barn."

Matthews may only be a firsttime director, but he's had plenty of advice cocerning this play, most notably from Matthew Horshes, who has directed True West in the West End and on Broadway.

Horshes' advice was that the two central characters should be seen as two brothers climbing a dangerous mountain.

"One brother slips, the other grabs his hand but has to decide whether to pull him up, risking slipping and both of them plummeting, or letting him go and saving himself." The play is, unsurprisingly, of the claustrophobic, intense variety.

Of his year in office, Elis expects big things. "We're lucky to have our own space, but we do more with it than any other University drama society. Things will happen in the next year that will stretch both the audiences and the actors.

“There are a few things in the melting pot: a repertoire run for a couple of weeks with a group of actors taking on two plays, and a Shakespeare festival in the summer.

“These things will take a lot of effort, but with so many people passionate about putting on theatre, the future looks very exciting."

(Tom Smithard)

REVIEWS

PREVIEW

Pygmalion

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Director: David Milne Drama Barn, Week 9. Students £3

ygmalion, staged in week 9 of the Spring Term, was the kind of production that Drama Soc revels in.

With the draughty Barn jammed to the rafters, a script packed with immediately recognisable and quotable lines, and lavish costumes, this production was a popular end to a busy term.

Marija Maher, as Eliza Doolittle, was outstanding.

As her character made the ultimately limited journey from downtrodden, howling, flower girl with gruesome handkerchief- etiquette to unconventional society debutante, Maher really shone.

She had a tremendous presence, filling the per-

formance space, with excellent delivery, diction, pace and concentration throughout.

She never overwhelmed anyone else on stage, but it was hard not to focus on her.

Jo Godsal excelled as Professor Higgins, Eliza's manipulative and inconsiderate tutor.

He was measured and strong and, as the part dictates, uptight, dismissive and starchier than a sack of potatoes.

By the end of the performance I felt the part had been written for him.

Likewise,Giles Rushton's fine characterisation and array of bewildered looks perfectly complemented Jo as Higgins'

Attempts on her life Director: Mary Luckhurst Dixon Drama Theatre, Week 9.

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he email hailed it as 'the best new play of the times. It explodes all that we understand theatre to be', with the promise that I would be 'entertained, spooked, thrilled and chilled!' A tall order for any script, without even considering finding the actors and director to match it.

But they managed to live up to their promise.

With Mary Luckhurst's exceptional direction and her eight talented actors,

they produced a postmodern play which was as bizarre and surreal as it was brilliant and insightful.

'Attempts on her life' was first performed in 1997 at the Royal court. It has remained popular with performances continuing across the western world.

With the unusual and cosmopolitan inclusion of five languages, including Arabic and Japanese, it is easy to see why. The 17 scenes were polished and mes-

companion, Colonel Pickering.

The casting was the most astute part of the production, from Stewart Melton's floppy-haired fop Freddy Eynsford-Hill to Nancy Brooker as Clara Eynsford-Hill.

“Jo Godsal, as Professor Higgins, was starchier than a sack of potatoes.”

Her performance was spot-on and raised some of the bigger chuckles of the night.

Anna Mayall, as Mrs. Eynsford-Hill, was superbly comical: a new version of Lady Bracknell, but with merising, with a particularly entertaining ‘rip-off’ of car advertising featuring 'The Anna'.

“A postmodern play, as bizarre and surreal as it was brilliant and insightful.”

'Anna' herself was the heroine of the play, although her many identi-

LISTINGS

PREVIEW

massively swaying hips.

However, problems were evident in the longer scenes. George Bernard Shaw is not the most concise of dramatists. He laboriously hammers home his tedious didacticism, in an attempt to convert every line into an epigram.

This caused problems with pace and some lapses in concentration were evident. This jarred with the other highly structured aspects of the production, such as the set changes.

However, the perfect antidote to this was the performance of Lee Ravitz.

Lee was larger than life and commanding, making full use of his character’s potential.

He was also perfectly costumed, striking in the change from what appeared to be Steptoe wrapped in fuzzy felt to a bleached version of Willy Wonka.

(Rob Leigh) ties and personalities were constantly shifting and evolving. Therefore leaving the audience with no clear perception of who, or indeed what, she really was.

The play's self-conscious attitude meant that it examined and analysed itself as much as the audience did.

With its use of minimal lighting and costume, the interesting choice to include music and film snippetts was much more dramatic, and created an extra depth to the language and action on stage.

(Louise Burns)

Dan’s Other Side In the first of his three-part guide, Dan Atkinson,all singing/all dancing comedy guy, gives us the lowdown to the best gags this month.

An evening of Jamaican Jazz at the Barbican on 25th May. THEATRE ROYAL Uncle Vanya

2 - 25 May, 7.30pm Tickets: £8 - £16 The adaption of Checkov’s classic about family life and love. A Fringe first winner.

Shirley Valentine

8 - 11 May, 7.45pm Tickets: £5.50 - £7.50 The classic tale about a woman escaping to Greece, featuring Eliza Hunt.

In the Theatre Royal Studio.

My Fair Lady

15 - 25 May Tickets: £5 - £15 The York Amateur Operatic and Dramatic society tell the story of Eliza Dolittle.

Stacey Kent and her Musicans

Sunday June 16th (that's week eight) - Derwent: Lineup includes Danny Bhoy, Geoff Whiting, Inder Manocha, and compere Al Pitcher. Tickets £3.50

YORK BARBICAN CENTRE Lee Evans

26 May, 7.30pm Tickets: £10 - £16 Live music from the winner of best vocalist 2001 at the British Jazz Awards.

16 May, 7.30pm Tickets: £20 The famous comedian enter tains York for one night only!

EXHIBITION SQUARE, YORK BOX OFFICE: 623568

25 May, 7.30pm Tickets: £12 - £16 A 20 piece jazz jamaican band, with band leader Gary Crosby.

WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE Scaramouche Jones

Jazz Jamaica

BARBICAN ROAD, YORK BOX OFFICE: 656688

14 May- 1 June, 7.45 tickets:£6- £18 Pete Posthlethwaite stars in a tragic tour de force about a clown.

PLAYHOUSE SQUARE, QUARRY HILL, LEEDS. BOX OFFICE: 0113 213770

Sunday May 5th (week 2 if you’re not in the real world) - Derwent: Men In Coats, Paul B Edwards, Sarah Ledger with comperes Electric Forecast. Tickets £3.50 Sunday May 19th (week 4 if you can't cope with a date system that has been in place for over 2000 years) The Other Side Comedy Club at City Screen: Ian Cognito and Adam Montgomery with compere Dan Atkinson. Tickets £6

King’s thriller staged at the Grand Opera House, 13-18 May.

Slapstick comedy at the Barbican with Lee Evans, 16th May.

Postlethwaite’s Playhouse debut in Scaramouche Jones.

14 May-1 June GRAND OPERA HOUSE Fame

29 April- 4 May, 7.30pm Tickets: £10 - £23 This energising musical visits York- read our review for further details!

Misery Why not come along and support all these perform- 13 - 18 May £8 - £18.50 ers, help them to be happy Tickets: The famous thriller by and enjoy themselves up on Stephen King features Leslie that stage. Who knows, you Grantham and Sandra Maitland, and will keep you might even have a laugh. in suspense throughout.

OAK HOUSE: POCKLINGTON CIVIC ARTS CENTRE Notes from a small Island

8 May, 7.30pm Tickets: £7 - £8 Adaption of Bill Bryson’s book, following a sell-out season at the Edinburgh festival.

Oak House Acoustic 26 May, 7.30pm Tickets: £2.50 & £3 Local artistes offer a cabaret-style evening.

In the Studio.

POCKLINGTON CIVIC ARTS CENTRE, MARKET PLACE, POCKLINGTON, YORK BOX OFFICE: 01759 301547

The Legend of Sinatra

24 May, 8pm Tickets: £12.50 Gary Williams performs Frank Sinatra’s most famous and well loved hits.

Red Shoes Dance studio: Sleeping Beauty 11 & 12 May, 2 pm & 7.30pm Tickets: £9

CLIFFORD STREET, YORK BOX OFFICE: 671818

Ian Cognito

Stage adaption of Bryson’s hugely popular roundBritain travel book, Civic Arts Centre.

30 BOOKS

07/05/02 YORK VISION

REVIEWS

Toothpicks and Logos John Heskett OUP (£11.99)

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Mucky Books The Kamasutra’s back in a new translation, while Hot Sex has been reprinted to fit in your handbag. But, asks Adrian Butler, can sex manuals teach today’s students anything glossy magazines can’t?

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verybody loves reading about sex. Day after day it shifts piles of porno mags, racy novels and copies of the Daily Telegraph. Today's students grew up with More magazine's "position of the week" and last month huddled around our TVs for The Truth about Gay Animals.

So is there any sexual curiosity left in Britain? We know what two male swans get up to, so we must all be dynamite between the sheets, mustn't we?

Well, for anyone who has that niggling feeling that their sex life could be even better than it is, two famous lovers' guides have just been reprinted in different editions. One was written 1,700 years ago, the other first came out in 1998. One's by a chaste Indian who practised meditation, the other's by a foxy Aussie journalist who appears on the Lorraine show.

Hindu erotic bible the Kamasutra has been retranslated into English for the first time since the nineteenth century, just as Hot Sex has been republished in a handbag-sized format ("perfect for those weekends away").

But neither books are top shelf material - there's not a photo between them, let alone a Joy of Sex pencil drawing of a hairy man. The Kamasutra reappears in a scholarly format, complete with textual notes and lengthy appendices - although the promise of "COLOUR ILLUSTRATIONS" appears on the front in bigger type than the translators' names. To be fair though, these are from the fifteenth century and are unlikely to do it for any of the readers.

Hot Sex is bright pink, in big print, and looks like it comes free with Cosmo.

Both books make bold claims about how they will transform your life: studying the Kamasutra will apparently put you in complete control of "your religion, power and pleasure" and "truly conquer the senses."

Likewise, a flick through Hot

Sex will have your partner "shredding the sheets and begging for more". Fine words, so what's actually in them?

Well in terms of value for money, the Kamasutra gives you far more to get your teeth into not least its section on biting. Its exhaustive list style, where everything is described as briefly as possible, means all human life is here. Sections include "Slapping and the Accompanying Moaning" and "Methods of Scratching".

The positions themselves range from the sublime to the ridiculous: included is the "Spinning Top", where "she keeps him inside her and twists around him like a wheel on an axle." The book admits that it "can only be done with practice".

But can it be done in a campus bed? Of course not. Most of this painstaking cataloguing consists either of things you've heard of and wouldn't try, or haven't heard of - and wouldn't try anyway. If you're not really a scratcher in bed, the information that there are eight different ways of digging your claws in (the "peacock's foot", the "lotus leaf" etc, etc) will make you feel…well…shiny and new.

But the otherness on show here - the sex life of such a farremoved society - is interesting, at least when set against some of Hot Sex's more naff ideas.

Within its garish pages is a collection of every magazine article on spicing up your sex life you've ever left on a train.

And some of the ideas are embarrassingly tacky. For example: why not use your vaginal juices as perfume? "He won't know what it is but he won't be able to keep his hands off you."

Ever thought of shaving your pubic hair into a heart shape "for a truly original Valentine's gift"?

Lacks the anonymity of a nice card.

But for all its Ann Summers cheesiness, Hot Sex is very good at down-to-earth advice. Tracey Cox always keeps it light and will talk frankly about anything -

exactly what a generation already well informed expects.

The book's top selling point is its advice on oral sex. Written by sex workers ("experts in their field"), it devotes pages to getting it just right, leaving the Kamasutra lagging far behind.

Readers in search of enlightenment there will find a fairly detailed guide to giving men oral sex - along with the suggestion that male friends "who care for one another's welfare" do it to each other. Women, however, miss out.

Both books suffer from taboos - whether they are yesterday's or today's. Although some of the Kamasutra's observations on men and women ring true, much of it, in its translator's words, "takes us to places we no longer want to be" - female sub-

ordinance and domestic violence figure prominently.

And it’s not alone in being out of date. For a book which is otherwise so modern, Hot Sex overwhelmingly equals straight sex. Although the book contains a lengthy and very sensible chapter on sexuality which says everything it should, the reader only reaches it after all the positions have been described in purely straight terms.

Both these books do different jobs. For someone who hasn't gone near Cosmo or FHM or needs a refresher course, Hot Sex is for you. No one will like all of it, but we are a nation of dodgy sexual tastes - more people do it to "Angels" than any other song, and before that it was "Lady in Red". If you're already pretty well up on things and want to experiment a bit, get out the Kama Sutra.

Don't get carried away though - towards the end is a potion for increasing penis size which involves "the bristles of insects born in trees" and lying face down in a cot. One you've tried this, you can sprinkle a woman with monkey droppings - she apparently won't ever want anyone else. Scary stuff - missionary position then nap, anyone?

The Kamasutra answers your problems I want my boyfriend to go off me If a man makes love to a woman who has bathed in buffalo buttermilk mixed with powdered dung beetles, mint and ants, his passion for her vanishes.

I want this girl to like me A woman falls under the power of a man when she hears him playing a flute that has been coated woth mint, wild ginger, and prickly pear.

How should I make the first move?

During a game of dice, disagree with her and take her hand with a meaningful

expression. Then show her objects in the shape of couples embracing, wash out your mouth, and sprinkle her with the water.

I’m having problems becoming aroused If you drink milk prepared with the testicles of a ram or billy goat, and mixed with sugar, it gives you the virility of a bull.

I’m keen to get my new partner to do wierd stuff If you coat your penis with an ointment made with powdered white thorn-apple, black pepper and long pepper, mixed with honey, you put your sexual partner in your power

Women from Bahila indulge in “The Unusual Sexual Acts”

ot that I'd ever judge a book by its cover, but a plain black sleeve featuring a teaspoon doesn't exactly bode well in terms of excitement. Neither does Terence Conran's claim that "this is the best book I have read about the design process", which really seems to be on a par with "this is the best washing powder I've ever tasted". This isn't the fault of Conran or author John Heskett. Design has acquired a truly banal image in recent years. To an outsider, its only purpose is to make things look nice, and that's about it.

As such you could be excused for mocking Heskett’s claim that "design matters profoundly to us all in innumerable ways". It's hard to understand how the shape of an alarm clock or potato peeler could ever matter to anyone. Yet this bold statement forms the basis of the book.

At just over 200 pages, it does not claim to cover the complete spectrum of design practice, but rather to examine the effect that the field has had on mankind. It acts not just to introduce contemporary design procedures, but also to convince the reader that the subject is genuinely important.

Rather than examining different industries and processes, 'Toothpicks and Logos' is split into more general headings, such as 'Objects', 'Environments' and 'Identities'.

This structure works to Heskett's favour, since it allows him to choose more obscure references to make his point, such as the Japanese toothpicks mentioned in the title (quite possibly the best piece of writing about picking teeth I've ever read). This helps to break down the occasional monotony of the book, which at times reads far too much like a business manual. There are several lengthy discussions of the design practices of various companies, and after a while there's only so much you can take of the phrase "cost effectiveness".

This is a shame, since Heskett clearly has many good ideas. When he says that design can be used "for the betterment and delight of all", he's not just talking about the ergonomics of kitchen knives (though he does go on to describe them as "a source of great pleasure") but also solutions to problems such as the spread of AIDS and third world poverty.

That he aims so high goes some way to justifying his belief that "design matters profoundly", and by the end he'll have probably convinced you. Overall, it's a good introduction to the subject, making you think about design on many levels, from huge international transportation systems, right down to the spoon you use to eat your Persil.

(Tom Elcock)

Stupid White Men Michael Moore HarperCollins (£18.99) n 1992, Michael Moore decided to go to confession - in twenty different churches. He'd confess the same sin in each one, and see what the priests gave him. The result a league table for his neighbourhood's Catholics who wanted an easy ride. But Moore's fears of Hell got the better of him. At first he delegated the idea to another reporter on his satirical show TV Nation, then he pulled it altogether.

To viewers this side of the Atlantic, this seems a strange decision for a satirist to make.

Can you imagine Chris Morris being afraid of the Underworld? Hell can't be worse than a place where MPs get angry about imaginary drugs and celebrities believe paedophiles have crab DNA. But the reader soon finds that this is an entirely different kind of satire - Stupid White Men is a God fearing book with a strict moral agenda. In it, Moore makes fun of America perhaps more rigorously than anyone has before, but he still insists "I love this big old lug of a country". He is genuinely outraged, and seems to be on an impossible mission to sort it out.

So every chapter in Stupid White Men addresses a specific problem, but then offers solutions to sort the problem out. In the section on stupidity, he includes basic historical facts for his readers. In his section on the US Election result, he urges his readers to stand for election themselves and take over the Democrat party.

Huge symbolic stands are something Moore has been doing all his life. On turning 18, he discovered he was eligible to stand for governor of his high school: he was elected and subsequently forced his headmaster to resign.

Recently, he has written to Kofi Anan to demand America be liberated from its unelected president. These attacks on the "Thief in Chief" caused a storm in America - Moore's was the first book critical of Bush to be published after September 11th. Although it was in fact written before the event, Moore doggedly refused to change a single word of his manuscript.

This does make Stupid White Men feel slightly out of date, coming as it does from a time when Bush was a national laughing-stock. But, as it turns out, his transformed image is an even better target for Moore's techniques. For example: Bush states that his favourite childhood book was The Very Hungry Caterpillar.

But Moore reveals that the book wasn't actually published until a year after he graduated.In a country which is tolerating stupidity by its white men as never before, Moore's guerilla crusade couldn't have come at a better time.

(Adrian Butler)

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YORK VISION 07/05/02

BOOKS 31 Revolution was in full swing. He was the eleventh, and youngest child of Scottish-English immigrants. His father was a wealthy merchant and owner of a successful family hardware business. His mother was an English woman and granddaughter of a clergyman.

Irving spent much of his childhood reading books. Adventures like Sinbad the Sailor and Robinson Crusoe were his favourites and gave him a taste for the imaginative works which he would one day become famous for. As a young man he suffered ill health and in 1804 he travelled to Europe, supported by his

I

The A-Z of Authors

Emma Jones crosses the Atlantic in pursuit of ‘One of America’s first authors’ Washington Irving

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ashington Irving was a prominent 19th Century author, lauded with the title, "One of America's first authors". He is said to have met his namesake, George Washington, the subject of one of his most ambitious works and is tradi-

tionally associated with the short story. These short stories launched his writing career, enabling him to make the jump from a journalist to a full time author.

Washington Irving was born in April 1783 just as the American

‘Well, I must arrange my bed for another weary night! If this could only end!’

Washington Irving family, who hoped the trip would help him regain his well-being.

Two years later Irving returned to the United States and was admitted to the New York Bar. He practised law Law for only a short time b before entering the family business with his brothers.

It was during this time in his life that a personal tragedy occurred. In 1909 his seventeen year old fiancee, Matilda Hoffman died. Later, Irving wrote in letters to a friend that he still dreamt of her many years after she died, and he thought of her every day. Irving never got over her death and never married.

In 1815, after the death of his mother, Irving went to Europe and stayed there until 1832. During this time he lived in Spain. Whilst staying in Sicily, he met the English naval hero Admiral Horatio Nelson,. He also spent some time in London where a friendship with the novelist Mary Shelley grew. By this time Irving

had been writing for 30 years. He first started by contributing to the Morning Chronicle, in 1802. Between 1812 and 1814, he was the editor of Anaclitic magazine in Philadelphia and New York. His first major work was The History of New York, which he published under the name Dietrich Knickerbocker.

The publication of The Sketch Book, a collection of short stories, under the name Geoffrey Crayon allowed him to write full time.

The Sketchbook contains two of his most famous stories Rip Van Winkle and The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, both of which were based on old German folk tales. Whilst he lived in Europe he wrote several histories, which gave him a measure of acclaim internationally.

Irving returned to New York to an enthusiastic reception as the first American author to receive international fame. He toured the US, writing books about what he found there.

In 1842 though, he retuned to Europe a second time as US ambassador to Spain in Madrid. He remained there until 1845. By this time he was tired of travel, he was in his sixties and just wanted to return home.

He returned to Tarrytown and died there in 1859 at the age of 77.

On the night of his death, he is reported to have said: "Well, I must arrange my pillows for another weary night! If this could only end!"

He was an avid people watcher and his encounters on his travels gave him more than enough materiel for his books. Today, Irving is mostly remembered due to the film adaptations of his work. This, however, is less important than the legacy he left.

As one of the first American authors, he paved the way for writers such as Edgar Allen Poe. As a country in a state of development after Independence was declared, Irving's work more than helped to put America’s literary side on the right path.

HAVE YOU NEVER READ...?

The Glass Family Saga by J.D. Salinger

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.D. Salinger's 40-year silence has left a gaping hole in the world of modern literature. The incredible success and resulting controversy of The Catcher in the Rye thrust him into the public domain and eventually forced him into hiding, but it was in the various appearances of the Glass Family in his three remaining books (Nine Stories, Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters / Seymour - An Introduction and Franny and Zooey) that many claim his most compelling work lies.

The saga of the Glass Family effectively begins with a bullet through the head of its most gifted and charismatic member - Seymour - in the widely celebrated short story A Perfect Day for Bananafish. He is the eldest of seven New York geniuses, the progeny of Les and Bessie Glass - a pair of internationally renowned vaudevillians. At one time or another, each of the seven has appeared on the children's radio quiz program 'It's A Wise Child' as weekly hired 'guests', dazzling the general public with their own unique brand of intellectual wit.

The seven siblings possess impressive gifts. Zooey for example the youngest Glass son - had the 'somewhat preposterous ability to quote, instantaneously and, usually verbatim, almost anything he had ever

read, or even listened to, with genuine interest' while they all had 'an odd inborn characteristic, as pronounced as a limp in three of them, that made it possible for them to learn languages with extreme ease'.

Impressive indeed, but it is the eldest, Seymour whose ghost haunts the lives of those left behind - that steps well beyond the realms of everyday folk. Seymour Glass is a modern day mystic, a seer, hence the name - he can 'see more' than mere mortals and it is in the writing of Salinger's assumed persona the adorable Buddy Glass (a professional writer and second of the seven) - that a prose record of his life and influence is set down in print.

‘They are among the few unmistakeably geniusmade literary creatures of our time.’ John Romano But what is it about this family that commands such a compulsive following from its readers? I ventured into a Salinger chat room to find out.

'They care about the important things in life,' - insists 'Three Dot' of Toronto - 'and they care about each other. They give me hope, I'm not afraid to live now and I'm not afraid to die.' 'Ssenizarc' of Wisconsin, meanwhile, found she related most to the youngest girl, Franny: 'The questions she asks herself seem to be the same ones I find myself asking. The Glass stories first got me interested in religion, and I'm still fascinated by it. I guess they just showed me something deeper, something that's actually

meaningful'.

This was reiterated by 20-year old Dawn - 'I think I like them so much because I can relate to them on a different level than I do with my own friends. I'm still at that age where my friends constantly give in to peer pressure, most of them seem to make decisions based on what others will think rather than how they actually feel. This doesn't make them horrible people, I just can't relate to that all the time.'

While the critic John Romano concedes that 'all of Salinger's children can be offensively playful or profound when indulged,' he goes on to insist that 'there's a good deal more to them: so much more that they seem to me among the few unmistakably genius-made literary creatures of our time. The source of their interest is uncannily hard to describe. I can only do so by attesting to the Glasses' supererogatory "realness" as people.

'The effect of Salinger's commitment to his characters is unmistakable. By it alone can we explain that peculiar sadness that descended upon no small number in a generation of readers when word got out that the Glasses weren't real, that Salinger made them up. There are few other writers now writing - perhaps there are none - who have such a sadness to their credit.'

For me, it was another chat room regular, Amy, that summed up the man perfectly - 'Salinger is a Truth Teller.

When he really tells the Truth with a big T it is not coloured with his personal perceptions, biases or neuroses. The

THE BLUFFER’S GUIDE Nick Hornby

Why you should know about him: Nick Hornby has written four novels; Fever Pitch, About a Boy, High Fidelity and How To Be Good. Three of them have already been made into films, and Hornby has recently been approached by producers about his latest novel How To Be Good. This sold 29,454 copies in the week ending 20th April, making it Britain's number one selling paper back, followed at number two by his re-released edition of About a Boy. A brief summary of plots: About a Boy: Thirty something bachelor (think male equivalent of Bridget Jones), through efforts to date single mothers, befriends a misfit schoolboy resulting in a change of lifestyle for them both.

Key phrases: 'dead duck day', 'Santa's Super Sleigh', 'yeti jumper' How To Be Good: female doctor Katie Carr reassesses her own life and marriage and has an affair whilst her husband teams up with a 'life doctor' and attempts to change the world for the better.

Scenes to mention: chaotic street party in which Katie's husband tries to persuade the unsuspecting neighbours to take in foster children.

Husband ruining Sunday lunch by removing it from the table and distributing it to the homeless.

Some key phrases to drop into conversations: 'Wasn't it brave of Hornby to look at life from the female perspective for the first time in How To Be Good?'

'I didn't think Hugh Grant would be able to pull off About a Boy but he did.'

(Cathy Baldwin)

BOOKMARK Raymond Carver

http://hostedby.whitman.edu/carver/

truth when he tells it comes out clean.

It resonates beyond intellect, which is very difficult to do with literature.

Salinger uses literature to transcend literature and only a handful of writers have been able to do so consistently.'

J.D. Salinger will be 84 next January, and with firm rumours of a 40-year horde of fresh Glass Family stories lying dormant in the writing bunker of his countryside hideaway, his sad but inevitable death in the next few years could herald the release of one of the greatest treasure-troves in literary history. Watch this space.

(Jon Bentham)

Related Info:

http://www.salinger.org - The Definitive Salinger Website. http://killdevilhill.com/salingerchat/wwwboard.html - Salinger Chat Room Like Salinger? Try... The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Salinger’s four published works are available in the university library.

Raymond Carver was a literary giant - the most influential short story writer of modern times - and whether you're a die-hard fan, struggling student, a newcomer to his unique charms, or just a bit morbidly inclined, this site has everything.

Made in collaboration with his widow Tess Gallagher, it not only features the usual assortment of scholarly essays, bibliographies and biographies, but also a variety of private touches. Fancy seeing an online photo of Raymond Carver's grave (with obligatory weeping widow)?

You'll find one here, as well as a veritable banquet of other grave-related Carver pics for your collection.

Our favourite link has to be the sound file 'Hear Ray Laugh' just edging out 'Hear Ray Laugh Harder', but it was a close call. Besides the grave pics, we also enjoyed 'Ray with Salmon' and 'Ray With More Salmon'.

Reproductions of several handwritten drafts of his poem Shooting will fascinate devotees, while the literally hundreds of heartfelt posts by fans on the 'Why We Love Ray' page is a suitable tribute to a man who has affected so many. Read them, enjoy them, then head back to your dog-eared copy of Where I'm Calling From.

(Jon Bentham and Tom Elcock)

32 SPORT: ROSES

Jonny Morgan A final flurry by York City saw their 2001/2 season turned around.

Changes both on and off the pitch for the Minstermen during the past few months resulted in a very respectable fourteenth place finish.

Looking at the table this season has been at times slightly depressing for the City faithful but not now. The final Division Three table shows City ending on 57 points, a small but significant improvement on last sea-

Coming up next issue City Watch review of the season All the action from the last nine months Player of the Year award. Got an opinion?

Email: sports@vision.york.ac.uk

07/05/02 YORK VISION son's 52. Despite a poor start to the season and the highly publicised financial crisis at Bootham Crescent this year, the last few games really showed what City can do.

December was a very difficult month as Chairman Douglas Craig announced that the club was up for sale. Thoughts of a supporters’ takeover were dashed as the devastating news followed that Craig was also to sell the ground.

Craig's shares could have been bought by a supporters’ committee but the £4.5m asking price for Bootham Crescent was too high.

Without a buyer, York City would have had no ground and therefore no club. The deadline was set for March 31st, by which time if there was no buyer for the club, York City Football Club would officially resign from the Football League.

Numerous names littered the press as to who could save the club and eventually John Batchelor, the Honda British Touring Car Team owner and driver became the saviour and new Chairman of a professional football outfit. He took over earlier this year.

Since then, City rose from the division depths and into safety despite the backlog of games (postponed due to waterlogged pitches or cup games) meaning a eight week runin of two games each week.

Men blasted off court TENNIS

Basketball goes down to the wire TENNIS Chris Cermak

ON THE tennis cours, York's women comfortably won 6-3, while the men were defeated 9-0.

The women's competition was all but over after the singles, with York winning five out of six. Clio Hynes netted the final singles win which clinched victory for York, defeating her opponent 7-5, 3-6, 6-2 in a gruelling three set thriller which lasted just under two hours.

The doubles, though superfluous at this point, proved to be more difficult. Lancaster brought in an entirely different team against a York side that had just gone through a number of gruelling singles matches.

Captain Gemma Thomas declared herself “very pleased” with the result and praised her team's "solid performance".

Thomas said that more pratice sessions in the run-up to Roses were a factor in this year's victory.

Meanwhile, York's men's team was unable to win a single match against a strong Lancaster side.

Three of the singles matches were decided in straight sets.

Sam Heselwood and John Haggett both had particularly close matches, losing 7-6 and 7-5 respectively in their final sets.

Brendan O'Donovan, playing in pole position for York, battled an unrelentWhere’s the ing Lancaster capball gone? tain, eventually losLancaster’s ing 6-3, 4-6, 6-1.

captain in action

CHRIS CERMAK

THE points were divided in the basketball with York's women winning in dramatic fashion.

They held on to victory by a mere one-point margin , 4847, whilst Lancaster dominated in the fourth quarter to take the men's honours 53-40.

The women's game truly came down to the wire, with both sides rarely falling more than four points behind at any stage in the match.

Captain Hayley Saul praised the team effort of her side, and commented, "we went out there not necessarily expecting to win, but hoping all the time."

The final victory, however, was purely down to Saul, who scored 7 points in the final five minutes, which she described as "tense" and "scary".

At 42-41 to Lancaster, Saul comfortably sunk a threepointer, followed by an incredible diving lay-up to give York a four-point cushion.

As Lancaster, not to be outdone, drew even once again, Saul charged at the Lancaster defence to pick up a technical

foul, and sunk both free shots to give York the two point lead which led them to victory.

The final moments saw Lancaster miss three out of four free shots (one agonisingly rolling round the rim of the basket before falling out) to hand victory to York.

On the mens side, York matched Lancaster for the first three quarters and entered the fourth trailing by only two points.

York was, however, punished in this final quarter, something which Captain Greg Perry essentially put down to 'fatigue'.

Starting the fourth with a 3533 lead, Lancaster scored 10 points without reply, a charge York was never able to recover from.

Victor Cambini was undoubtedly York's man of the match, scoring a total of 20 points on the night.

Captain Greg Perry admitted after the match that Cambini was the cornerstone of all their efforts. "He had an outstanding game, but we've been relying on him too much, here as well as during the season."

Thanks to Lancaster’s Scan newspaper — Jon Coleman and all the team — for their unflagging support VISION PICTURES: Sam Dudin, Jonny Morgan, Rob Ferrer,

YORK VISION 07/05/02

SPORT:ROSES 33

Men lose pulling power Marie Bates A DISAPPOINTING performance from the boat club on Saturday saw the rowers concede points for the first time in six years on the River Lune.

Both the men's senior fours and eights crews lost hard-fought races, worth four points each.

The races were filled with drama. In both cases York led for most of the way. The eights race appeared as if it would be a comfortable win, with York pulling ahead off the start. However, as rower Max Goldsmith commented, “we just didn't finish the job.

“We had the opportunity to take it and it felt comfortable, and looked as if it was going well.”

But Lancaster had a strong wind at the finish and came back at the York crew in the last 200m. It was only in the last 10 strokes that they pulled past York, winning the race by a third of a length.

This race mirrored the fours race which had already taken place, with Lancaster taking the points in the last few strokes.

ROWING All was not lost however with highly convincing victories from the women's squad, who won all their races by quite a margin, acquiring 10 points. The novice men's four also brought home 2 points, winning their race quite comfortably by two lengths.

So what went wrong for the senior men?

The Lancaster crew have been looking strong this season, having had an overhaul of their boat club last year.

This didn’t prove to be a problem in London in March at the biggest event we have entered so far this year, the Head of the River Race. York obtained a good result and managed to draw ahead of Lancaster by a fair way.

However, with many of the best rowers in the squad out of the boat, the York eight had a new combination which had only been out together twice. The Lancaster crew have been together since October.

The eight Lancaster put forward also rowed at campionship status at BUSA regat-

ta, whereas the York eight was of novice status. But the rowers are not looking for excuses. Goldsmith states that “we should have won that race. All credit to Lancaster who managed to keep their composure and control and row through us”.

The rowers were bitterly disappointed, especially given the importance of rowing in the Roses tournament. It began in 1964, when Lancaster boat club challenged York to a race. The rowing is now worth 20 points.

However they are looking forward to facing Lancaster in the up-coming regatta season, since Lancaster have now proved to be challenging competition.

Congratulations to the women, who have unfortunately been unable to race much this year due to cancellations. Saturday proved a very good day for them.

Mags Parker of the women's crew commented, “after a season of disappointments it was nice to be able to race again. The good results from the day proves that UYBC are as good as last year, and things are looking good for us for Henly Regatta at the end of term.”

Women’s karate: outgunned by Lancaster

Kat out of hell KARATE

Dramatic scenes at the oche John Hyde FORGET what you used to think about darts - this was the most exciting competition of the weekend.

A packed Pendle College saw Lancaster's men sneak a dramatic victory, but not before an incredible nailbiter which went ride down to the wire.

In a fierce and intense atmosphere, the Red Rose county ran out 5-4 winners on the night.

There had been little indication of the drama still to come when John Kankodil stepped up to the oche to deliver the first dart. A surprise reversal saw the York man go down 2-1 despite playing to high standard.

Things went from bad to worse when Jon Cousins also went down to a narrow defeat.

However, York turned the match on its head with three superb performances to make the scores 3-2 overall.

Ian Taylor took a thrilling encounter when he hit a decisive double four, whilst Richard Eager and 'Super' Barry McLoughlin also won their matches.

By now the crowd noise had grown several decibels and the players were under enormous pressure to send their fans home happy.

"You need balls the size of Gibralter for this match," claimed York thrower Kankodil.

Unfortunately, that pressure had a

MEN’S DARTS damaging effect on the team York as they crumbled under the barrage of abuse from Lancaster supporters.

Both Chris Groom and Andy Carruthers suffered 2-0 defeats, leaving York with a tough task if they were to come out as winners.

However, they were back in the match after a superb exhibition of skill and composure from Ged 'The Boss' McMahon.

With the baying crowd having to be held back from the action, McMahon kept his head and sealed a memorable 2-1 victory.

And so to the last match, pitting an inexperienced Liam Sumpter against the captain of the Lancaster team for the decider. Sumpter found himself up against a better opponent, but deserves huge credit for the sporting way in which he accepted his 2-0 defeat, unfortunately in direct contrast to some Lancaster supporters.

The night was somewhat tarnished by incidents of York fans being pelted with glasses and a pool cue from the gallery. Furthermore, little was done to prevent Lancaster supporters from blocking the view of the away fans.

Minor scuffles aside, the night was a triumph for everyone involved and provided an unforgettable night.

Earlier, the ladies team had put up a determined performance before going down to a 6-3 defeat.

York’s winner in the Slalom, Ruth Holdway

Jemma Morgan, Nicola Booth and Jo Hoskins all put in superb displays to keep York in the match.

The team was happy despite the setback, with star performer Booth saying afterwards, "We weren't expecting a result because we have so few players to choose from.

"To come here and match last year's home result is fantastic."

SQIASH

JUDO

GOLF

LANCASTER completed a clean sweep over York men’s makeshift squash team, though the women's team did meet with some success.

AU President Martin Styles was asked to play for the men’s side when it became clear that RAG President Peter Bowles, who was stranded in Newcastle, could not be in Lancaster for the start.

Not surprisingly Martin did not emerge victorious, but regular members of the squad faired little better.

Men’s captain Tom Luthman, a beaten man in more ways than one, had to watch his cobbled together first team slump to consecutive defeats. Then he too, despite a gutsy performance, fell at Lancaster's sword.

Lutham said: “Their squash was a higher standard than we are used to but we didn’t lose through lack of effort, the standard is simply better.”

PETE DANDY

AN EXPERIENCED York squad romped to an emphatic victory over Lancaster.

Strong performances all round ensured a solid 3 - 2 win. The match was sealed after the first three bouts which saw York take an unassailable lead.

Dan Phillips began the under-73 kilo whitewash with a spectacular throw.

York's victory was cemented when Chris Newman successfully pinned his opponent.

Richard Jones and BUSA gold medallist Nick Tate represented York in the under-81 kilo category but were unsuccessful.

The majority of the squad had recently returned from the BUSA national championships where they acquitted themselves extremely well.

Chris Newman competed in the elite under-73 kilo black belt section where he achieved the extremely respectable position of fifth.

Dan Phillips managed an excellent bronze in the sub-black belt under 73-kilo section, with Richard Jones securing fifth in the under 81-kilo category.

The show was stolen by Nick Tate who triumphed in the under-81 kilos and left with a gold medal.

GARETH READ

YORK strolled the encounter, losing only one of their nine matches.

Out first for York in the two-player matchplay tournament were Steve Mitchell and Fraser Macdowell.

York won the match 3 and 2. The deciding moment came with with Macdowell’s phenominal drive on the par four 16th, which won him another birdie.

The second match was won convincingly for York 5 and 4 by Gareth Blocksidge and Joe Walker.

Out last came York captain James Mason and Jamie Cresswell. The match was even until York struck first blood on the par four seventh.

Cresswell holed a 20 foot putt for a birdie which Lancaster were unable to match from half the distance.

A Lancaster bogie at the next, coupled with a birdie from Mason at the ninth, gave York a 3 hole lead. The match slipped beyond Lancaster on the 16th after Mason drove onto the fringe.

York’s golf team hope to continue their success when they fly to Aberdeen this week to play in the semi-final of another matchplay tounament.

JAMES MASON

LANCASTER LEAD YORK 14 - 0 GOING INTO FRIDAY MAY 3...

AN UNINSPIRED York team were outclassed by an impressive display by Lancaster. The competition was made up of two disciplines, Kata and Kumitie.

Kata, the performance of a set routine, is known as Lancaster's speciality, and this showed with sound 5-0 and 3-0 beatings of the nervous York men's and women's teams respectively.

Men's Kumite, the fighting discipline, was won by York with a fantastic comeback after going down 2-0.

The York team secured a 32 victory the utmost control, accuracy and skill, even beating a well-respected Lancastrian black-belt in the process.

The women's Kumite came to a premature end with a suspected broken collarbone for the final Lancaster fighter.

Lancaster were already 2-0 up when the unfortunately placed punch came. It was judged illegal due to a stumble, and York were disqualified as a result.

Overall Lancaster won 3-1, though York put in a brave performance in the face of a hostile Lancaster audience.

JONNY MORGAN

34 SPORT: ROSES

07/05/02

YORK VISION

Ruck you Lancaster John Hyde A SPECTACULAR show both on and off the pitch provided the setting for a memorable York victory.

With five parachuters landing on the field before kick-off the scene was set for an exciting afternoon.

And York's 1st players did not disappoint, putting on a superb show as they ran out comfortable 34-13 winners.

Playing into the wind, York faced early pressure, with Lancaster's rucking and mauling

RUGBY 1STs XV looking particularly dangerous, and went behind to an early penalty. However, this was equalised only two minutes later with a James Kennedy kick.

As the half developed, York's backs put together some wellworked set pieces but could not find the killer instinct.

Constant pressure almost told as York's inside half was just tackled as he went for the line.

Lancaster, however, responded immediately with almost

Get in there boys

their first attack.

A break down the middle was halted by a thunderous lastditch challenge from Kennedy, but two Lancaster players were in support and it was left to a Lancaster winger to complete the move.

York, as had been the case throughout the match, ended the half strongly.

With good turnover and recycling of ball, their prospects for the second half looked very promising, despite the 10-3 deficit.

The second half belonged almost entirely to York. Strong tackling, constant pressure and quick handling were all on display as the away team went from strength to strength.

Despite conceding an early penalty, York saw their urgency pay dividends as Sam Codward went over in the corner for his team's first try.

Only minutes later the White Rose County side scored after wonderful handling.

However, after two missed conversions, victory was still not assured until ten minutes from time when a magnificent run and pass let in a York winger for an easy try.

A magnificent 30-yard dropgoal and another penalty from Kennedy extended the lead

before another score put the icing on the cake.

Incessant York pressing, a feature of their play all afternoon, gained the away side possession and a York player went over in the corner.

The final whistle led to jubilant celebrations and vociferous chanting from the large turnout of York supporters.

Rugby President Tom Crittenden said he was "absolutely elated" with the result.

"For a lot of people - including myself - this is our final roses match so I'm especially pleased for them.

"Last year we had to put up with Lancaster gloating so I'm really glad to have got one over on them," he continued.

"Every year the teams come out all guns blazing and we got caught up in that - in the second half we were playing thinking rugby."

Looking to next year's competition, Crittenden was particularly optimistic: "This is going to provide us with the platform to move forward and get even better.

"We've got that trophy and they're never having it back."

The day had started on a high point with a resounding 405 win for the 2nd XV.

RUGBY VIIs IN TERRIBLE conditions for rugby, York battled to silence a partisan home crowd.

Despite the 1sts suffering a narrow defeat, York came away with a 2-1 aggregate victory.

The day had started very brightly, with the 3rds producing some marvellous passing to coast a 25-10 win with tries from Lonsdale, Ninn, Snell, Souville and Rose.

A keenly-contested 2nds match also saw York overcome their blond-headed opponents.

They scored the first try after some relentless pressure led to a penalty from which substitute Souville bundled over the

line. Then, assisted by a good long pass from Russell Winters, Tony Horan had a long runin under the posts.

His try was converted, and soon after he provided the icing on the cake to round off a comfortable 17-0 victory.

By the time the 1sts kicked off, the rain had become very heavy and the winds made kicking almost impossible.

In such difficult conditions, a scrappy start was inevitable, but some accomplished York tackling kept the scores level.

York conceded a try just before half time.

After the interval, York came out firing on all cylinders and it was no surprise when Andy Harrison went over the line after a clever kick.

However, the match was turned on its head by a controversial refereeing decision and a disputed penalty, moved forward 10 yards for dissent, led to the try that broke the deadlock.

Soon afterward a further try was added to rub salt into York wounds.

A late consolation made the final score 1510 to Lancaster.

JOHN HYDE

Hockey horror show Jonny Morgan

THE MEN'S 1sts hockey team were left disappointed and frustrated with both the performance and the umpiring in a fiery 2-1 loss.

The first half belonged to York with a dominant midfield winning the majority of possession and creating good moves which unfortunately lacked the vital final touch.

A total of seven short corners were awarded and eventually after 30 minutes of continued York pressure, the imminent breakthrough came.

Taken by Rich Adleman, the ball was swept out to Peter Tilley who struck with precision to flick the ball into the top corner of the net.

The Lancastrian's first short corner came on the stroke of halftime and the well worked routine was only stopped by a stunning diving stop by York 'keeper Pete Metcalf.

Lancaster's half time team talk must have been fantastic as they came out of the interval a new team.

Crunch time as the Men’s 1sts clash With only their second short corner of the match, Lancaster scored with a low drive.

The winner for Lancaster said: "The umpire made some HOCKEY came in open play when a shot consistently dodgy decisions but saved by Metcalf fell to another before had ruled him out. we can't really just blame him, at Crossman suggested that the the end of the day it was down to attacker who's unstoppable shot umpire was not on top form and the team to win it and although flew into the top corner.

Decisions seemed to be going made some dubious decisions: we felt we deserved something."

"He had a bad day and made a all Lancaster's way in the second The men's 2nds fared better half. The captain Dan Crossman couple of bad decisions but in when they won 7-1 with one of watched in anger from the side- the second half we lost our focus the performances of the weeklines, after a dislocated shoulder and defended too deep". end, having lost 2-0 at home last Stand-in captain Dave Exley year. suffered in a mixed game the day

The suprisngly successful1st XVs reach up

WOMEN’S RUGBY THE York squad, lead out by Karen Dickenson, were definite underdogs, giving away substantial weight in the pack and without a victory in this fixture in recent years.

A win in the 2nds VII contest earlier in the day did, however, provide a glimmer of hope.

Lancaster started the game aggressively and set up camp firmly in the York half.

The relentless pressure paid off with an early try which was then converted.

York replied with some good link play between Lou Phillips and Joe Mann to read-

dress the balance of possession, but sloppy tackling led to Lancaster's second try, also converted.

Good handling on York's part saw Lou Phillips charge down the wing and off-load to Ellie Burnley, giving York a rare glimpse of Lancaster's 22.

Lancaster's reply was an impressive individual sprint by their irrepressible full-back which resulted in a third try, effectively sealing the match.

Lancaster, by far the classier outfit, scored a final try in the second half to give Lancaster a 24-0 victory.

GARETH READ

York stick it out INDOOR hockey started well for York, with the women's 1st team defeating their Lancaster opponents in an exciting game which had plenty of action in the goal area.

York won 1-0, the single goal of the match coming oddly enough after the white rose team had a penalty flick awarded against them. Lancaster missed the flick, and seconds later York went up the other end and scored.

The fast and furious pace of indoor hockey was intensified in the next match with a bad-tempered draw the men's first team took on Lancaster. In a badtempered 3-all draw.

Lancaster scored from a short corner conceded by Dan Crossman inside the first minute. A second goal from a short corner was disallowed by the umpire, much to the frustration of the Lancaster players.

York equalised with a precise finish and then scored again to take the lead. A sweet piece of link-up play by the Lancaster attack, and a superbly finished

Hitting Hitting Lancaster Lancaster hard hard

INDOOR HOCKEY goal, drew the scores level.

Early on in the second half, York goalkeeper Metcalfe came flying out of his goal like an express train sending an unfortunate Lancaster player skyward. The inevitable outcome was a penalty flick to the red rose team, which was cooly slotted home.

York may have been temporarily down but they were not beaten, and salvaged something from the game putting away a short corner.

York rode their luck as Lancaster had two more goals disallowed before the referee blew for full time.

The women's 2nds game had its exciting moments with Lancaster hitting the post at point blank range.

York were awarded a penalty flick when a Lancaster player cleared the ball off the line.

Yet both the women’s and men’s 2nds lost out at the final whistle.

PETE DANDY

RARELY does such an exciting game finish a scoreless draw, yet this one did.

York started brightly, winning a short corner in the first five minutes.

Their set-piece routine forced a sharp save from the Lancaster goalkeeper and AU President Laura Pellington.

The ball had not left Lancaster’s half before York gained another short corner, though this time the shot failed to trouble the Lancashire No. 1. D e s p i t e numerous attempts on goal, York failed to capitalise on their chances.

Minutes into the second

WOMEN’S HOCKEY half, a good block by a York defender stopped a goalbound shot in its tracks.

The Lancaster goalkeeper repeatedly kept her team in the game, pulling of great saves to thwart the white rose's scoring ambitions.

There were nervous moments all round as both sides could had chances in the dying minutes.

The women's 2nds however were left rueing missed opportunities, losing to a last gasp Lancaster goal from a set piece after a tightly contested match.

PETE DANDY

...THE LANCASTER LEAD GROWS, TO A SURELY UNASSAILABLE TWENTY ONE POINTS BY FRIDAY NIGHT...

YORK VISION 07/05/02

Women show their balls but men flop John Hyde GOING into the match with the overall scores on a knife-edge, York's footballers produced a lacklustre performance in the one of the few disappointments of the weekend.

On a difficult pitch and facing a raucous home crowd, York went down to a painful 3-1 reversal.

An even opening saw chances at either end. York just failed to capitalise on a dangerous free-kick whilst at the opposite end Nick Miller made a desperate block to prevent a certain goal.

After 15 minutes Lancaster took a deserved lead.

A thumping effort was only partially blocked by Alan McDonough and the Lancaster striker was on hand for an easy tap-in.

York almost replied immediately when Andy Hush had a low shot well saved, but this was to be York's last chance of the half as Lancaster took control.

Goalkeeper Jimmy Arnold, recently selected for the Northern Universities team, kept York in the game with good handling and organisation of his defence, but was helpless to prevent a glancing header flick the crossbar.

FIVE-A-SIDE YORK reigned supreme in 5 a side football, winning every game except the men's 4ths, which they drew four-all.

White rose teams dominated throughout the competition with the men's 1sts getting York off to a flying start defeating Lancaster 5-2.

With the standard set the men's seconds stylishly outplayed their opponents thrashing them 7-1.

Once again York proved too much of a handful for Lancaster, as the women's 1st and 2nds also won. In the men's 3rds the football may have been scrappy and unattractive but for sheer entertainment value it couldn't be rivalled.

York showed character to fight back from 4-2 down to eventually triumph 6-5 with a last gasp strike sealing victory.

PETE DANDY

FOOTBALL Then, only minutes before half time, Arnold got a hand to a low shot leaving Miller to make a frantic clearance.

The second half saw York come out firing, with the introduction of substitute Yauw Basoaa almost having an immediate effect as Rob Wilkinson saw his well-struck shot saved.

York's passing and movement was much improved, and it was no surprise when the pressure result in an equaliser for the away side.

Substitute Simon Anthony saw his penetrating run halted by a rash challenge and Wilkinson stepped up to stroke the ball into the top right corner.

Then disaster struck. With some York players still pondering on their equaliser, Lancaster ruined the comeback with the decisive moment of the game.

A combination of great dribbling and poor York tackling let in the Lancaster forward for an assured finish.

Worse was to come with a goalkeeping howler 10 minutes from time killing off York hopes of getting anything from the game.

A reckless challenge from McDonough gave Lancaster a free-kick on the edge of the area, which squirmed in through the hands of Arnold for a soft goal.

Arnold's reaction spoke volumes, as he sunk to his knees in dejection. York never looked like getting back into the game and it was something of a relief when the referee blew for full time.

Captain Wilkinson was dispirited and tired after the game.

"We're definitely disappointed as we thought we could hold out for the draw - I'm totally deflated," he said."The ball and pitch were in poor condition but we didn't start well and took a lot of time to get our passing going." Earlier in the day, the 2nd XI secured vital points for York with a comfortable 3-1 victory.

Goals from Mark Legg, a spectacular effort from Pete Noble, and a superb finish by man of the match Dave Stewart secured the win.

Both the 3rd and 4th teams suffered heavy defeats going down 4-0 and 14-2 respectively.

Girls key to victory WOMEN’S FOOTBALL

You always take them off last.

One of three streakers at the men’s 1st XI match

TWO first half goals from Rebecca Davies and skipper Dawn Larmouth were enough to secure four points and the trophy in the deciding Roses match.

Lancaster fell behind after just ten minutes when Dawn Larmouth's 20-yard effort rattled the crossbar, with Rebecca Davies on hand to convert from close range.

The lead was doubled on 22, when Larmouth cheekily lifted the ball over Catherine Peterson in the Lancaster net.

Despite a missed penalty and the home side getting one goal back York refused to buckle — leading to a jubilant pitch invasion on the final whistle from the 500-strong.

The players were largely unaware of the significance of the result until the final ten minutes when a 200strong crowd gathered around the perimeter of Pitch 2 to witness the final moments of the match.

York’s captain Dawn Larmouth on the victory: “It was absolutely amazing.”

While goalscorer Rebecca Davies commented: “I think we’re all legends!”

MARTIN O’BOYLE

Lancaster on the run as York close in

How Roses was won FOOTBALL XI

YORK

men’s1sts men’s 2nds men’s 3rds men’s 4ths women’s 1sts

4 2 0 0 4

4 0 1 4 0

2 2 1 1 2 1

0 0 0 1 0 0

4 2 0

0 0 4

LANCASTER

FIVE-A-SIDE men’s1sts men’s 2nds men’s 3rds men’s 4ths women’s 1sts women’s 2nds

RUGBY UNION men’s1sts men’s 2nds women’s 1st

RUGBY LEAGUE

men’s1sts men’s 2nds women’s 1sts women’s 2nds mixed 1sts mixed 2nds mixed 3rds

0 2 2 0 0 0 1

4 0 2 2 1 1 1

GOLF

1 0 2 0

1 1 0 1

0 2 0 2 4 4

4 0 4 0 0 0

4 2 0 2

0 0 4 0

1

3

0

4

0

4

4 4 2

0 0 0

0 4

4 0

0 0

4 2

4

0

0 0

2 2

4

0

0 0

2 2

0 4

4 0

4 0

0 2

0 2

4 0

4

0

0 0

4 2

0 0

4 2

0

4

0

4

4 4

0 0

1

0

BASKETBALL

NETBALL women’s 1sts women’s 2nds

DARTS men’s 1sts women’s 1sts

POOL men’s1sts women’s 1sts

TENNIS men’s1sts women’s 1sts

TABLE TENNIS mixed 1sts mixed 2nds

SAILING mixed 1sts mixed 2nds

ULTIMATE RIDING

SKI

mixed 1sts mixed 2nds

LACROSSE

SNOWBOARD CANOE SLALOM slalom polo

0 4

SNOOKER

KARATE

mixed 1sts mixed 2nds

4 0

VOLLEYBALL men’s1sts women’s 1sts mixed 1sts men’s1sts women’s 1sts

BADMINTON men’s1sts men’s 2nds women’s 1sts mixed 1sts

0

WATERPOLO

2 0 0 2 0

ROWING men’sVIII men’s Novice IV mens’ Senior IV women’s Novice women’s IV women’s VIII

4

SWIMMING

0 1 1 0 1

INDOOR HOCKEY men’s1sts men’s 2nds women’s 1sts women’s 2nds

4 2 0

FENCING men’s 1sts women’s 1sts

4

HOCKEY XI

0 0 4

JUDO

0

RUBGY VII men’s1sts men’s 2nds men’s 3rds women’s 1sts women’s 2nds

SQUASH men’s1sts men’s 2nds women’s 1sts

ARCHERY BALLROOM DANCING 0

4

...THE END OF SATURDAY SEES YORK STILL TRAIL BY SEVEN POINTS, BUT TWENTY-FOUR GLORIOUS POINTS LATER...

7TH MAY 2002 ISSUE 137

WWW.YORKVISION.CO.UK

rosesVISION LANC 119.5 YORK 120.5

White to the point

Victory snatched in last minute John Hyde YORK recorded their first away Roses victory since 1992 with a dramatic last-day success.

The historic achievement was secured in the very last match, when the women's football team scored a decisive four points.

However, there was controversy still to come as a recount was called to decide who had taken the Roses prize.

Nevertheless, after a nerve-jangling 10-minute delay, AU President Martin Styles was deservedly awarded the Carter-James Trophy.

Euphoric celebrations were to follow, with the large York away support filling the Lancastrian air with a rousing cry of "Yorkshire".

A delighted Styles could barely hide his joy at the final result, giving a passionate and emotional acceptance speech. He later told Vision: “I’m completely exhausted — this event was so incredibly tense.

“But I’m so happy and proud of the competitors and fans. York put in a monumental performance.”

He joked: “I’m think I'm going to sleep with the trophy tonight!”

“We were 14-0 down before Roses, so our plan was just to contain them early on and try to push on during Sunday's events.”

Styles paid special credit to those who succeeded in the fencing, volleyball and rugby union — citing Rugby President Tom Crittenden as an “inspirational leader”.

Commenting on the controversy towards the finale, which centred on the scoring of the women’s sailing competition, he said: “Obviously that is going to be a major talking point. But all credit to Lancaster because they were very gracious about it.”

Overall victory had seemed a distant hope on Friday evening when York trailed by over 20 points after a disappointing day in pub sports, squash, and the skiing event which had taken place weeks earlier.

Parity was partially restored on Saturday with outstanding performances, in particular an astounding display from the Men’s Rugby teams.

By Sunday morning, the gap was closed to only 2 points, and throughout the day the tension built as the lead fluctuated between the teams.

Late setbacks in the hockey and football had seemed to dent the away side's chances but the women footballers held out to send the travelling supporters into raptures.

Whatever the result, this Roses can justifiably claim to have been the finest in recent history.

The intense atmosphere created by the supporters was matched only by the professionalism and sporting attitude of those taking part.

Even the unpredictable weather could not detract from an outstanding weekend of sport and entertainment.

In the 38th year of the Roses Competition there were over 50 events, 30 different sports and over 2,000 spectators.

Bring on Roses 2003!

...YORK DRAW LEVEL IN ROSES SERIES FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 1975