Issue 139

HUNDRED REASONSe Exclusiv

MUSIC: PAGE 23

YORK VISION THE INDEPENDENT VOICE OF YORK STUDENTS

WWW.YORKVISION.CO.UK

ISSUE 139 TUESDAY, JUNE 18 2002 THE UK’S BEST STUDENT PUBLICATION ON A SMALL BUDGET

!

L I Z A R B K C A LET’S CR York students celebrate in Derwent Bar as England clinch a World Cup quarter-final clash with Brazil after the 3-0 demolition of Denmark on Saturday.

Cup-fever has swept through campus in the last three weeks with students cheering on Sven’s boys — helped along by extended bar openings on campus.

PHOTO: ROB HARRIS

VISION’S MAN WITH ENGLAND: P34

Roof falls in on student drinkers Narrow escape at Postern Gate STUDENTS WORKING at the brand new Wetherspoon pub had to run for cover last Friday as the ceiling collapsed. The pub had been open for less than a month.

Nell Malcolmson from Derwent was working on Friday night when a section of suspended ceiling collapsed only metres away from her, causing massive devastation.

She was one of dozens of students who were forced to flee from the wreckage shortly after 7pm.

The new outlet of the Watford-based super-chain opened less than a month ago, and was fast becoming a favourite with University drinkers.

It was also a major student employer, with at least ten undergraduates working there.

A man and woman caught in the debris were treated at York District

Rob Harris tended to eight other people at the scene.

Wetherspoon staff held a meeting yesterday as structural engineers and environmental health officers met to survey the damage.

Nell, 19, described the unfolding chaos: “The noise was massive and the whole roof was coming down. There were people screaming and running away from the area.

“I was standing where the roof fell two seconds before and I thought — ‘It could have been me underneath there’.

“Two seconds earlier and I would have been dead — I'm convinced.”

“I was standing behind the bar and I heard a big sound like thunder.”

To the economics and

10 NEWS

News in brief It’s official – York’s a joke PANTO institution Berwick Kaler is to receive an honorary degree from York this summer.

The star and writer of York Theatre Royal's annual pantomime will be one of eight people to receive the honour.

Berwick has appeared in TV series such as Auf Wiedersehen Pet and Spender.

But he has become a legend in York for his annual appearances in the panto as the popular dame character.

Among the others to receive honorary degrees will be Penelope Wilton, actress, and David Potter, the inventor of the Psion Personal Organiser

Toffs slammed SU LGB Officer John Rose has fired off an angry letter to Toffs following revelations of homophobia at the popular York nightspot.

Last Tuesday, it is alleged that the DJ invited couples to the podium to win a meal for two, BUT made it clear that gay couples were not welcome in the competition.

Toffs were not available for comment.

President hangs on to her job Rob Harris SU PRESIDENT Ffion Evans has slammed what she believes was a “witch-hunt” by Union officers and JCRC Chairs to axe her — a point they vigorously deny.

Embattled Evans narrowly escaped a vote of censure at the UGM in Week Seven after exclusive Vision revelations that she colluded with Admin over the Heslington Hall sit-in in February.

Our investigation prompted a course of events in which Evans’ future was cast into doubt. JCRC chairs, in conjunction with their committees, spent the week planning the best and most effective way to get the truth out of the Union.

They demanded action to discover how the money they had given to the Union to aid the sit-in had been used.

However, Ffion Evans believes that the resulting UGM became far too personal.

“I think the whole thing was a witchhunt and a bit of a farce. For me all along it wasn’t about no confidencing the

President, it was about no confidencing Ffion Evans.”

She continued: “I wanted the meeting to hold me to account and I’m not sure it did that. I certainly know it managed to intimidate quite a few people – including me.”

Particularly upsetting for Evans were the chants by a large group of people at the back shouting: “Burn the witch!”

Rick Guest, Derwent Chair, fought back against the allegations: “If it was a witch-hunt then we would simply have thrown Ffion in the lake to see if she floated.”

Goodricke Chair Jake Brazier, echoing his colleagues’ sentiments, vehemently denies Evans’ claims of a personal vendetta.

“We were not wanting to be vindictive or conduct a witch-hunt. I’m glad it went to a UGM and there was some chance for people to debate and make their own minds up. I am disappointed that a lot of the opinions and information didn’t come out.”

The Goodricke Chair believes that the UGM failed to achieve his main objective

Ding gong IT APPEARS that gongs are all the rage at the University at the moment.

Only weeks after Vice Chancellor Sir Ron Cooke got down for the Queen, one of his deputies will now be heading down to the Palace.

Professor Anthony William Robards. Pro vice-Chancellor has received an OBE For services to Higher Education.

Cancer hope Researchers at the University have participated in a major scientific project which has led to a breakthrough in identifying a gene involved in a potentially lethal form of skin cancer.

The work has led to the discovery of a major genetic change that leads to malignant melanoma, a skin cancer that kills more than 1,600 people a year in the UK.

Vision thanks Thanks to Naomi Jackson for her work on the Lifestyle section and everyone who has contributed this year.

NEXT VISION MEETING AT THE START OF THE AUTUMN TERM Vision is printed by Westcountry Design and Print, Exeter

Some of the JCRC chairs voting for the censure motion (from left): Andy Henton (James), Rick Guest (Derwent), Marie Bates (Vanbrugh) and Jake Brazier (Goodricke).

Also pictured is former Campaigns Officer Ashley De PHOTO: ROB HARRIS

Ffion Evans answering her critics at the UGM PHOTO: ROB HARRIS

– of discovering the truth – and that the outcome of the vote on Evans was secondary.

“I thought we could get the whole thing out in the open . . . and that would be the end of it. But what I feel is that I’m left with a lot of questions unanswered which could have been answered at the time,” he said.

Yet Evans claims the JCRCs prohibited the opportunity for mature debate by their posturing behaviour: “they stood as a strong group of people right at the front by the mike, showing how they were voting and encouraging people to vote with them. This was not the mature debate that I would have liked at the UGM.” Even Evans’ fellow sabbatical officers spent the week before the UGM jockeying for position.

She told Vision: “The Sabbs aren’t obliged to be on my side. But I am annoyed at what they have been doing — briefing against me.”

SU Services Officer Dan Simon and Press and Publicity Officer Alex Ball were at the centre of the allegations Evans made.

Simon spent the week aiding JCR chairs in their bid to uncover the truth sur-

Poisoned Challis Tom Hazeldine A KEY defender of Ffion Evans in the Hes Hall scandal has now been accused of breaking the news of the 'conspiracy' himself.

According to this latest revelation, former Campaigns Officer Sam Challis "admitted the whole sit-in was a farcical stitchup designed to kill the 24 portering campaign and allow the Union to look good".

But when the SU President was facing a vote of censure in Week 7, Challis

stood up and told a packed Vanbrugh dining hall, "I know for a fact there is no evidence behind these allegations".

"No one did anything wrong," he said, and accused the SU President's opponents of organising a "witch hunt" against her.

Halifax student Peter Sanderson, who helped bring attention to the Union's apparent collusion with Admin, has now told Vision: "The truth is that the first person to break the silence surrounding the sitin was none other than Sam Challis."

The former Campaigns Officer stands accused of writing a letter that appeared earlier this term in Vision, in which the Hes Hall protest was denounced as a "sham" that would allow the SU "to accept major security cuts while portraying it as a victory".

According to Sanderson, he met with Challis in Langwith bar over the Easter holidays, who then drafted the anonymous letter accusing Admin and the SU of agreeing the outcome of the Hes Hall protest in advance.

Challis denied the accu-

ACCUSED: Sam Challis

sations as "absolutely untrue". But Ashley De, his former partner as Campaigns Officer, blasted Challis for "a monumental lack of integrity".

"I couldn't understand his behaviour," he said.

rounding the many mounting rumours.

Jake Brazier told Vision: “Dan Simon has openly said that the allegations are true.”

And, on Alex Ball, he added: “I feel it strange that he didn’t get up and say what he thought.”

He concluded: “Simon and Ball could have stated their position and their beliefs and their knowledge more clearly.”

It is widely known that Ball penned the original UGM motion that called for Evans to be no confidenced. Yet even on the weaker motion of censure, which became the crucial amendment, Ball and Simon voted AGAINST it.

The motion failed by only four votes.

Originally the motion had called for Evans to be no confidenced, but JCRCs amended this at the eleventh hour, so playing it safe.

They ended up proposing a motion of censure against a considerable number of SU officers.

The extent of Dan Simon’s and other Sabbs’ involvement in the alleged collusion with Admin is even now unclear.

Only Tory Nelson-Parker, the YSCA rep, voted with the JCR chairs’ motion.

She is adamant that Evans was involved in under-hand tactics.

According to Brazier: “She showed at lot of courage.”

However, it has now emerged that Simon was thrown out of the brief meeting held by Evans and Khalfan with Vice Chancellor Ron Cooke during the Hes Hall protest.

An embattled Evans has branded Simon “not the most friendly of people when he’s annoyed.”

But she still insists there was no “underhand agreement beforehand”.

Nevertheless, this goes against claims

by Head of Security Ken Batten in the last issue of Vision when he expressed his surprise at the protest, since “there had already been an agreement” on the portering issue.

‘If it was a witch hunt then we would simply have thrown Ffion in the lake to see if she floated’

YORK VISION — THE INDEPENDENT VOICE OF YORK STUDENTS Editors: Adrian Butler &Tom Hazeldine Deputy: Chris Cermak & Isobel Todd editor@vision.york.ac.uk Managing Editor: Neil Brown Advertising Manager: Caroline Newcombe Deputy: Charlotte Day advertising@vision.york.ac.uk Web Editor: Laura Pearson web@vision.york.ac.uk News Editor: Rob Harris

Deputy: Claire Coady & Catherine Milner Politics Editor: Will Shaw Deputy: Gavin Aitchison Media Editor: Anna Mayall Deputy: Kelly Nobay Features Editors: Rebecca Bull & Mags Parker Deputy: Alicia Starkey Lifestyle Editor: Vicki Hurst & Sarah Musa Deputy: Post Open Food and Drink Editor: Roxy Warrick

Deputy: Ed Cunningham Music Editor: James Kelly Deputy: Robin Howells & Ewen Tant Films Editor: Jonathan Beaufort-Jones Deputy: Jess Shiddell & Steph Taylor Arts Editor: Louise Burns Deputy: Rebecca Loveridge Books Editor: Cathy Baldwin & Liz Hicks Deputy: Jon Bentham & Tom Elcock Sports Editors: John Hyde & Johnny Morgan

Deputy: Jamie Coggans Photo Editor: Sam Dudin Deputy: Lizzie Turner Cartoonist: Timo

Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2002

18/06/02 YORK VISION

NEWS 3

York history lecturer on bail after police arrest Rod Hills sacked from council

Tim Smithard CAMPUS has been left reeling after popular history lecturer and leader of York Council, Rod Hills, was sensationally suspended from the council and arrested on what currently remain unknown charges.

He has now been removed from the History department staff list on the University’s website.

The scandal has been shrouded in secrecy from the outset. Originally Rod Hills, 55, was believed to have been the subject of a smear campaign.

Personal photos of Hills and his recently deceased wife, Carol Wallace, has apparently been distributed in his Clifton ward.

Walllace had been a lecturer in the University’s linguistics department.

Vision is not allowed to reveal the nature of the photographs.

Hills took out a court injunction against two men to prevent any further distribution of the photos. One of the men, Kevin Young of Clifton, has now issued a counterclaim for £150,000 in damages from Hills at Leeds Crown Court, citing “distress caused and injustices”.

SACKED: Rod Hills

Young had made a photocopy of the images after they came into his possession, and made a complaint to a council officer.

A new twist in the tale came on April 11 with a police raid on Rod Hills’ Huntington Road home.

It is unclear as to whether there was a similar raid on his office in Vanbrugh College.

Hills was not, however, arrested until May 29. Police have not yet released any details of the charges, but it has been alleged that they concern

photos and other items found in the raids. Also arrested was Rod Hills’ current fiancée, Fay Simpson, a 31-year-old alcoholic former prostitute, mother of five, and reformed heroin addict.

In a further twist, it was later revealed that she had herself been arrested in relation to a burglary at Rod Hills’ house.

She told reporters that the police had seized pictures of her featuring “kinky but not illegal” bondage sex.

As Vision went to press, Hills had just been fired from his position as Leader of York City Council. He has also been suspended from the national Labour Party until he manages to clears his name.

Rod Hills has stated that “I have stood down as leader of the Council to clear my name of these malicious allegations. ‘‘I wish to make it clear that I have not been charged with any criminal offence. I am very happy to help the police with their inquiries, as this is the quickest and effective way of clearing my name from the scurrilous accusations that have been made.”

Members of the University are remaining tight-lipped as to Hills’ future. Allen Warren, head of History, gave Vision a terse ‘no comment’ when contacted.

University spokesperson Hilary Layton stated: “We don’t have any statement to give. It would be inappropriate to say anything at all about it.”

At present though, Hills continues to teach a first year course on ‘The

Assault on night of Tyson KO Rob Harris A student was rushed to hospital in the early hours of last Sunday after been violently attacked outside Derwent College He was assaulted at 5:15am on June 9 after watching Lennox Lewis defeat Mike Tyson on the big screen in the Derwent JCR. According to a spokesman for North Yorkshire police, a group of males approached the student and hit him on the head, resulting in a lengthy

stay at York District Hospital.

A man was arrested in connection with the incident, but has been released on bail as police inquiries continue.

Ken Batten, Head of Security, told Vision: “It’s a very unusual incident, but I don’t know what the motive of the attack was.”

Concerns have been raised about whether Derwent should have shown the fight.

SU Education and Welfare Officer, Jenna Khalfan believes that the

WATCHING BRIEF: Students gather in Derwent JCR for the big fight PHOTO: ROB HARRIS

screening of the fight could have led to the attack.

“The boxing may well have triggered the attack since it encourages macho behaviour. ‘‘I disagree fundamentally with the sport.”

But she conceded that it is difficult to stop boxing being shown on campus, since “people will watch it whatever happens”.

However, Derwent chair Rick Guest defended his decision to put the fight on, and ruled out any connection with the assault. ‘‘There is no doubt in my mind that we should have shown the fight.

250 people turned up to watch it and it was another great success for the JCRC. ‘‘We were the only college on campus showing it and I think we made an excellent decision.” ‘‘In no way do we condone such behaviour and we hope the perpetrators are disciplined by whichever authority.”

A police spokesman reassured students that York is a safe campus and that students shouldn’t be worried.

“It’s not the kind of environment where people should feel prisoners in their rooms,” he told Vision.

APPALED: Jen taken by surprise

Turn the fire alarm off . . . Jen hasn’t finished her hair Catherine Milner THIS IS Jennifer. She is one of a group of angry students who have regularly been forced to flee dripping to a neighbours’ house as their shower systems set off nearby fire alarms.

Jennifer McKusker, a first year Politics/Philosophy student, told Vision that in her second term, the alarm had been triggered unnecessarily “most weeks”.

On one occasion the alarm sounded three times in the same night, once as Jennifer was washing her hair.

As she emerged from the cubicle, Jennifer was confronted by weary firefighters who advised her to take a cold shower. “How’s a girl to get ready for a night out!”, she said.

Halifax Chair Tim Fassam has claimed that a “huge quantity” of fire alarms across campus are “blatantly set to the wrong setting”.

But University Admin hit back, arguing that most cases were caused by student’s negligence — smoking in rooms or leaving pans on the stove. Yesterday

morning an alarm sounded in Halifax after a student deliberately broke the glass, a spokeswoman said.

York Fire Service is becoming increasingly concerned at the number of false call outs which are costing the University thousands of pounds.

A spokesman told Vision, “every alarm must be attended to as an emergency”.

During last term, firemen were apparently delayed from arriving at two serious incidents in the York area whilst responding to false alarms at the University.

According to the Fire Service, the problem lies in the “siting of detector heads” for alarms in the “wrong place”— either “very small kitchens” or “too close to showers”.

Fire Liaison officers are currently in discussion with the University, and plans to alleviate the problem are said to be “in the pipeline”.

Firemen have suggested that a fire safety talk be included as part of the Freshers induction organised by the Students’ Union for next October.

4 NEWS

Tiene que ser Toffs, Alberto DIPLOMATIC RELATIONS between Mexico and Britain have calmed once again with Toffs head-doorman, Andy Bruce, telling Vision that Alberto Ramirez — banned from the club for being Mexican — is now welcome back any time.

The York University student, who contacted the Mexican Embassy in London four weeks ago after the nightclub deemed his International Student Card unacceptable, is pleased that the matter is now finally settled.

However, Toffs have defended their refusal to allow Mexican Alberto Ramirez into their Tuesday student night — an action which led to the Mexican Consulate in London preparing to send an official letter of complaint to the British Government.

“We turned away eighty to a hundred people that night,” said Andy Bruce, Toffs headdoorman, “it was nothing personal as far as Alberto was concerned. He just couldn’t prove he was a York student, so he wasn’t coming in.

“There have been clashes with students and non-students in the past, and the University wanted a deal to keep them separate. So after

talks with Dan Simon, RAG and others at York, we agreed to the Tuesday student night — but having it as strictly NUS. “We only ask that Alberto bring with him some additional proof of age and of his status as a York University student – something on headed note paper perhaps – then he’s more than welcome to return. ‘‘Toffs Nightclub values its international customers.”

Alberto, is happy the matter is now resolved: “I felt very angry at the time because I knew that I would not have had this problem if I was British with a British NUS card.

“But I have since listened to their explanation, and although it means extra hassle for foreign students, I understand the difficult position they are in.”

The Halifax College resident does however disagree with the nightclub on the point of International Student Cards being easier to forge.

Prior university commitments have so far prevented Alberto from taking up the Mexican Consulate’s offer of a meeting with their lawyers in London, however he has written to them as requested — detailing the events of the night in question — and is now awaiting a reply.

VICTORY: Alberto smiling outside Toffs PHOTO: TOM ELCOCK

The team pose with Paxo on the University Challenge set

Stuffed by Paxo, but there’s Stella chance Adrian Butler

THEY may not have won their match against Newcastle last Thursday, but it’s a good bet York’s University Challenge team will go onto the show’s next round.

The brainy lads notched up a perfect Darts score of 180, just twenty five behind the Geordies and top of the highest-scoring losers table. Team captain Paolo Williamson praised his team’s “absolutely amazing” performance.

Whether or not York’s brainboxes get another day out to Manchester’s Granada studios, one thing is certain — Thursday’s match will be great telly.

Host Jeremy Paxman called it the most exciting clash he’d seen all series, ending in a nailbiting finale, and suggested it be put on first. Paxo took a shine to our boys, according to Paolo, sharing a can of Stella with them after filming and posing for Vision’s photographer.

“He’s a really nice man. I told him about a mistake he had made with the scoring earlier on, and he replied ‘Anything else you want to complain about?’”

The legendary Newsnight inquisitor even agreed to go fishing with Paolo’s dad. Mr Williamson was one of almost thirty supporters who journeyed across the Pennines to support the team.

They had every reason to be confident.

Earlier in the week, Vision asked York’s top academics to come up with tricky questions for Paolo and the boys.

We thought we’d stump them – but they passed, getting five out of ten.

If the team do qualify, they’ll head back to Lancashire in early July for the second round. “We’ve worked out where we went wrong last time: we were too restrained about giving obvious answers,” said their captain.

In the meantime, the boffins are making the most of their sharpened intellects – by doing every pub quiz in town.

As Vision went to press, they stood a 50% chance of bagging a three-figure cash pot from the Charles.“Why not try and make a bit on the side?” said Paolo; “It’s a perk of the job.”

The team are Paul Williamson, Paul Harvey, Phil Cregeen, Chris Charlton and Pete Edwards.

VISION’S STARTER FOR TEN

1) POLITICS: In how many EU states are Green parties currently part of the national government?

2) SOCIOLOGY: Who first coined the phrase ‘survival of the fittest’?

3) BIOLOGY: To which group of animals does a barnacle belong?

4) FILMS: Who played the title role in Hitchcock’s 1926 silent movie The Lodger?

5) ART: Who painted….

6) MUSIC: Which band never had a top 40 single but have had a string of top ten albums?

7) GEOGRAPHY: Which two African British colonies became independent in 1960?

8) HISTORY: Which Roman Emperor was defeated by Constantine at the Battle of Chrysopolis on 18th September 324 AD, and was exiled along with his co-emperor Martinianus?

9) LITERATURE: Which Shakespeare play begins with the line “Cease to persuade, my loving Roteus”?

10) SPORT: Who is currently top scorer of this World Cup? 1) WRONG 3 - Belgium, Finland, Germany 2) WRONG Herbert Spencer 3) CORRECT a crustacean 4) WRONG Ivor Novello 5) CORRECT Caravaggio 6) CORRECT Led Zepplin 7) WRONG British Somaliland and Nigeria 8) WRONG Licinius 9) CORRECT Two Gentlemen of Verona 10) CORRECT Klose

Jon Bentham

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Ffion gets the boot...

Tom Elcock

THE DEBATE over differential rents on campus was brought to the fore again this week, after the SU launched their latest publicity campaign —Collegeopoly.

The position of colleges on the board is determined by weekly rent, with Wentworth UPP Plus earning the prestigious ‘Mayfair’ position on the board. The infamous Goodricke C block suffers the indignity of becoming the ‘Old Kent Road’ of the university.

Many Halifax students were surprised to find their ‘Standard’ accommodation was ranked higher than the more expensive James and Alcuin blocks.

SU President Ffion Evans argued: “I can see that people might be confused, but it does highlight the issue of why there is such a disparity, and raise questions about how differential rates can be justified.”

Opponents have reiterated the belief that SU policy runs against the wishes of many students. “A lot of people do feel it’s only fair to pay more for better accommodation,” said Jake Brazier, JCR chair for Goodricke.

18/06/02 YORK VISION

NEWS 5

Vision steals two grand from library

Can’t afford that round-the-world cruise? Vision journalists last week walked out of the library with a bag full of rare Eighteenth Century books which trusting University librarians had left completely unprotected. We gave them back — but only after Gareth Walker confronted the woman in charge, Elizabeth Heaps, about this startling security gaffe.

A VISION investigation has exposed stunning shortfalls in Library security. In a single afternoon our journalists stole nearly £2000 worth of rare books from under the noses of security staff..

Library officials admitted they were “gob-smacked”, and and begged us to show them how their security system had been so easily breached.

Now, thanks to our investigation, “immediate action” has been promised to plug the security-gap.

Vision's haul included a number of early-eighteenth century religious pamphlets.

Although comparatively common these would nonetheless have earned us a tidy £40 to £50 each on the book-auction

Vision’s stash Journal of George Fox: Autobiography of

the seventeenth-century founder of the Quakers. A first edition would be valued in the thousands, but our later copy was still a handy £50.

Sufferings of the Early Quakers:

Collected accounts of the sect’s early persecutions. Our two-volume set would bag us up to £70.

Collected Works of Sir William Jones :

The jewel in the crown.

Born in 1746 Jones was one of his era’s greatest scholars; said to be able to speak 13 languages well, and another 28 tolerably. The last ten years of his life were spent in India, where he threw himself into the study of Hindu religion, culture and law. Currently very fashionable, this first edition set was easily worth over £1700.

INVESTIGATION circuit.

We took four — but could easily have made-off with several times as many.

The prize addition to Vision's temporary library however, were six first-edition volumes of The Collected Works of Sir William Jones.

Even we were shocked when the independent bookseller who valued our books told us that this complete set of beautifully-illustrated descriptions of Hindu culture would “easily” net a four-figure sum somewhere between £1600 and £1800.

None of these books had been electronically tagged, registered on the catalogue, or even stamped as belonging to the University.

Instead, once donated to the Library, they had simply been dumped on shelves open to anyone who entered. They had been left to gather dust and deteriorate in condition, possibly for as long as two years or more.

Speaking to Vision, Head Librarian Elizabeth Heaps had initially been confident of the library’s standard of security.

She told us that: “Security of the books and collections in our care is of prime concern to the University Library.

All our collections, in print, microform and audio-visual form are already protected by security systems.

“Each item is tagged and any unauthorised attempt to remove it from the Library sets of a security alarm.

“Any library may be vulnerable to the attentions of the serious book thief, which is why our systems are in place and staff are alert.”

However, having been presented with the books we took, Ms Heaps immediately admitted that Vision's revelations were “extremely bad news for us” and that it was "very disappointing to have been caught out in this way”.

The chief difficulty, Heaps explained, was that the Library was currently experiencing a “crisis of space” due to the ongoing ground-floor refurbishment.

While book donations to the University are normally put immediately into locked

storage, now there is no such space left. With an on-going staff shortage, the Library has failed to keep pace with recording, prioritising and processing the increasing number of deposits it has received.

Thanking Vision for exposing the current inadequacies in security, Ms Heaps went on to promise that the Library “will take immediate steps to prevent anything like this happening again”.

The prosecution last year of the Cambridge graduate William Jacques, who stole books worth a total of £1 million from a series of university libraries, dramatically exposed security problems in the protection of Britain's antiquarian book collections.

Jacques, who was born in n e a r b y Selby, was sentenced to four years in prison; the toughest sentence the law would allow.

First editions of works by Newton and Galileo, worth an estimated £50,000 each, are among nearly five hundred books he is believed to have stolen.

They, along with dozens of other rare books and pamphlets, were found in safety deposit boxes across the country — including several in York.

What proved Jacques' undoing was that the books he stole were if anything too rare and valuable and had been well stamped and marked by their libraries.

It would have been impossible to sell these works on the open-market without arousing attention, while book-sellers became suspicious of the way in which ownership plates had been cut and sand-papered off

In t h e mean-

No such problems would

anonymous,

BOOTY: Walker with the books we pilfered.

GOBSMACKED: Heaps in happier times have faced any well-informed thief who might have targeted York's library.

The bookseller who examined the works we obtained explained that, as there was nothing to indicate they had belonged to the University's collection, and because none was exceptionally unusual, there was no way we could have been caught.

In fact, as the University had not even recorded the donation of the books, their disappearance would never have even been noticed.

Speaking to Vision on condition that he remain

‘This is extremely disappointing for us”

one of the library's trustees said he was “shocked and astonished” at such a lapse.

He found it “especially worrying, at a time when the library has been trying to encourage donations of books and manuscripts, that we should appear so careless in looking after them.”

The completion of the Raymond Burton extension later this year will solve the current problems of the library, Elizabeth Heaps told us: expanding the library's locked-space and bringing “increased supervision of special collections, and the selective use of CCTV.”

time, measures rushed into place after Vision's revelations now mean that anyone who attempts to follow in our footsteps —and try to repay their student loans the easy way — will be disappointed.

They will also risk fines, prosecution and, most dangerously of all in the middle of exam-season, the removal of their library card.

6 NEWS

Two buried alive in Bio-science trench Will Shaw

TWO builders are recovering in hospital after being buried under rubble on a campus building site.

A third man suffered from minor injuries after a heroic rescue bid. The accident occurred on a construction site for the new £25 million bio-science complex, near Wentworth.

The Friday of Week 6 saw emergency services battle for almost an hour to rescue the two buried men.

Three fire engines, an emergency tender, two police vehicles and an ambulance attended the scene.

The two men were rushed to hospital where both of them were in a “critical condition”, said hospital staff, from the “crushing injuries” they had sustained.

One of the men suffered from severe oxygen deprivation after suffocating under debris for up to 50

minutes. Another construction worker was taken to hospital to be treated for shock after witnessing the event.

Speaking to Vision, University spokesperson Hilary Layton alleged that the accident was caused by heavy rain, which destabilised the trench the men were working in.

Layton was quick to point out that although the building site is on campus, it is not under the University’s control until construction is complete.

Therefore the University cannot be held responsible for anything that occurs on the site.

She claimed that students have nothing to fear and that “everything is as safe as possible”.

Students are not allowed onto the site, which is covered by “very strict health and safety rules”, she said.

“This doesn’t reflect on the University one iota”, Layton maintained.

She denied accusations that incidents such as this, and the Heslington Hall sit-in where Admin ill-advisedly called out the fire brigade under false pretences, have helped to undermine the University’s reputation locally.

Both incidents made front pages of the York Evening Press.

Despite the accident, the University will continue to employ the HBG Construction company who are working on the new Biology department.

The Health and Safety Executive is now conducting an investigation to find out exactly what or who was responsible.

Ann Haynes, speaking on their behalf, told Vision that the organisation is bound to secrecy until the investigation, which could take months, is complete.

At present there is no suggestion that the accident was a result of negligence on behalf of HBG.

18/06/02 YORK VISION

DISASTER: The trench where the workers were buried PHOTO: ROB HARRIS

Cheap GradBall ticket Adrian Butler

DESPITE accusing Vision of lying when we revealed that he would introduce a cheaper GradBall ticket back in May, last week SU Services officer Dan Simon did exactly that.

The extra tickets now released could have saved cash-strapped graduands £20, had the SU admitted Vision was right.

Third year James College graduand Melanie Park contacted us to complain: “I feel cheated. A £45 ticket is exactly what I wanted in the first place; I didn’t want to pay that extortionate price for an evening that’s not necessarily going to be very good.”

She added: “The SU have let me down.”

We weren’t able to pass on Melanie’s complaint to Dan Simon, as we were told he had lost his voice.

However, SU Press and Publicity Officer Alex Ball was adamant there would be no refund for Melanie.

“We can’t give her the money back because of the terms and conditions she signed up to when she bought her ticket.”

Ball claimed the SU had received no other complaints from graduands wishing to get back some of

Anger at Union

their £65, but stressed that all such gripes would fall on deaf ears.

When asked when the GradBall committee dreamed up the idea of the cheaper ticket, he was insistent: “We only discussed it after we sold out.”

He was mystified as to how Vision became aware of the plan two issues ago, guessing that “as this is the first time we’ve offered a sit-down meal and therefore created a capacity, speculation over a cheaper ticket is logical.”

He claimed Simon’s problem with the “lying” article was that it hadn’t stated the tickets would not include the meal.

As of Friday, all the acts booked for the July event were still still set to perform, and Ball claimed it was unlikely this would change: “I can’t guarantee they’ll all be there – one of them might have a heart attack and die tomorrow, but as of today they’re all still coming”.

The 150 new discounted tickets do not include the meal, but entitle access after 10pm.

‘Seconds earlier and I would be Tories’ jubilee binge While the Tories organised a cruise on the Ouse (above), RAG took over Heslington Village to organise an old-world street party complete with bunting and a late license at the Derry to celebrate the Golden Jubilee PHOTO: ROB HARRIS

Continued from page one

sociology student, it was like something out of disaster movie: “I turned around and a guy was walking towards me with blood dripping down his face and another girl was crying. She thought her boyfriend was trapped underneath.

“I wasn't even looking at the people underneath, I was looking at the ceiling coming down on people.

There was dust everywhere.

“It happened in ten seconds, but it felt like a year.”

Nell, who confesses she felt felt “helpless”, praised the work of the staff who were “brilliant”,and kept drinkers calm.

One student, who Nell knows only as ‘Ben’ from Goodricke, was especially thanked.

“He was the star, he got everyone evacuated and was straight on the phone to the ambulance.”

This sentiment was echoed by Station Officer Cecil Pugh, of North Yorkshire Fire and Rescue Service: “The pub staff have done superbly well to evacuate the building so quickly and efficiently.” he said.

ALERT: The fire brigade arrive at the pub moments after the roof caved in

Pugh added that it was “very fortunate” there were no serious injuries.

The trendy bar will remain closed until “the relevant authorities decide otherwise”, Wetherspoon spokesman Eddie Gershon explained.

However staff will be paid for the hours they were due to work.

“We are a responsible company and however long it takes we will get it right,” added Gershon.

“In Wetherspoon's 23 years we have never known anything like

this, our pubs are built to a very high standard and we are not quite sure how this happened.

“One saving grace is it fell in chunks, and not all in one go.

“It is upsetting for staff and customers, particularly those injured. We wish them a speedy recovery.”

At the time of going to press, the Fire Service was unable to confirm the cause of Friday night's accident. Despite the heavy rain, it is not thought to be weather related.

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Beeb join our Heath Centre VISION CAMPAIGN

Tom Hazeldine

LOCAL media have taken up the fight against the University Health Centre based on the recent Vision revelations.

BBC Radio York ran a report yesterday on the case of third year student Helen Coverdale, who went to the Health Centre with a suspected kidney infection only to be told that she had “pulled a muscle”.

The Health Centre has now been forced to defend itself to prevent a PR disaster.

‘Dr Keith Price and Partners’ rushed off a fax after the BBC first contacted them last Tuesday.

They demanded a “right of reply” to our allegations. In it, they claim to have “a user-friendly service for dealing with patient concerns, suggestions and complaints”.

But they still refused to speak to Vision or the BBC, claiming “patient confidentiality” prevented any interview — even though one of their doctors, Dr Letham, consented to speak to Vision last term about issues raised by a previous investigation.

The fax from Dr Keith Price (pictured above)

NEWS 7

THERE IS AN ALTERNATIVE l SU has list and info on all doctors and sur-

geries in York l JCR welfare teams have similar info

ALTERNATIVE HEALTH CENTRES l Fulford Surgery- weekdays 8.30am to

5.30pm, urgent consultations weekends 9-10am l Monkgate Health Care Centre (by Sainsburys) - open till 10pm weekdays for urgent cases (no patient records) We repeated our request to talk to them last Tuesday — to discuss general matters such as their tarnished image on campus.

Practice Manager Brenda Mumby refused, claiming they did not have time to speak to us before our weekend deadline.

SU Education and Welfare Officer Jenna Khalfan has now urged the Health Centre to come out into the open. “The only way to improve its image is to have public dialogue with students,” she warned.

“It is the only way they can carry on, otherwise people will keep on dropping off”.

“The Health Centre is not compulsory. You don’t have to sign up. There is an alternative — you can go anywhere in the district.”

Khalfan herself originally signed up with the facility, only to switch practices during her time at York.

Now both Fulford Surgery and NHS Direct are likely to have a stall at this October’s Freshers’ Fair to provide students with clear alternatives.

Welfare packs issued to Freshers the moment they arrive will emphasise the range of medical care available.

Fulford Surgery have reaffirmed their availability to all current students. “We do tend to get a lot of postgraduates and teaching staff,” said Chief Receptionist Gillian Soothill.

“We do the best we can.”

Jenna Khalfan has endorsed the service Fulford provide. “We’ve had close dealings with them in past. They’ve been incredibly friendly and helpful.”

Ken’s taking no prisoners FANCY SEEING Security Chief Ken Batten and Head of Campus Services Sue Johnston wrestling each other in sumo suits? Well now you can — at the RAG-organised It’s a Knockout contest this Friday.

Batten admitted to Vision he didn’t have a clue what kind of experience he was in for, but claimed he had been told “in passing” that it would involve “no water or slops”.

“I’m going there with a spirit of fun,” he added.

As part of Woodstock — taking place over two days for the first time — Admin will take on SU Exec and all colleges, except Goodricke, will compete in the competition.

Acoustic musicians will provide the early evening entertainment, with a late-night cine-

ma at dusk hoping to show Lord of the Rings.

Vanbrugh bowl on Saturday will witness live bands from midday to midnight. Those entertaining the thousands will be: Ryan Shirlow and the Bloody Marys, Janika, Ladybird Ladybird, Skanktank, Finelines, Size of Ivan, Flight 19, Piglet Clone, Remmus, Red:Shift, Indeo, Mr Tickle, Amalganation, Pillowtalk, Afference and Route 215.

The YorkRAG Poptarts, pictured, won their places to play on the big stage at the Poptarts final in Halifax last Saturday night.

Other highlights include a Red Bull tent, free Iced Tea and Ben and Jerry’s ice scream.

PHOTO: ADRIAN BUTLER

First years get over clap Jon Bentham

FOOLED: English students

THIS year’s fresh intake of students to the English Department has been applauding at the end of each lecture in the mistaken belief that it’s “what you’re supposed to do.”

It appears that the ritual clapping began when a small number of overenthusiastic students took the lead in the first few lectures of term one, starting a trend that only faltered upon the arrival of a large number of second year students in their thirdterm lectures.

“It felt a bit strange not clapping the lecturers when the second years first joined us, but why should we clap for them? They’re not gods,” commented first year Rachel Stott.

Halifax College resident Rob Thomas believed the actions reflected something of the warmth of his fellow English students: “I remember talk-

ing to housemates about it last term and thinking they were a bit mean for not doing the same in theirs. Maybe we’re just nicer in the English Department — we’re a pretty friendly bunch actually.”

His housemate was less complementary: “I think it says a lot about the intelligence of the people they’re letting onto their English courses.

You’d never get anyone doing that in a History lecture” said Nick Tye. Professor Derek Attridge described the warm rounds of applause he received as a “pleasant surprise” as it had “never happened to [him] before.” Though he believed that “it would be dreadful if it became a ritual,” he added that he would “like to think that very occasionally it might happen spontaneously.”

Senior lecturer Stephen Minta was just as pragmatic: “A ritual round of applause is probably no more satisfying to the lecturer than the more

usual ritual silence. Spontaneous applause is, of course wonderful, but you would also have to allow for the spontaneous silence, which would be unbearable.”

Though many English freshers have been quick to distance themselves from the two-term ‘clappers’, claiming never to have joined in, others are willing to give a more honest assessment: “Some of those Middle English lectures were pretty dire, it was either my hands together or my head against the desk” commented one witty student.

A senior member of the administrative staff in the department seemed to put her finger on the matter, telling Vision, without any apparent hint of irony: “Perhaps they were genuinely enjoying it and wanted to show their appreciation”.

She went on to speculate, “or maybe they just thought the lecturer was quite dishy.”

8 POLITICS

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Reporting behind enemy lines Sharif Hamadeh

WHEN Yvonne Ridley slipped into a burkha and across the Afghan border last October, she wanted to find out from ordinary Afghans what life was like under ‘the most evil regime in the world’.

Her plight became a story in itself after she was captured by the Taliban. The British media was full of speculation about her motives for pursuing such a dangerous journalistic mission.

Eight months on, Ridley has resigned from Richard Desmond’s Sunday Express, but continues to work as a freelance journalist and now campaigns against the ‘War on Terror’.

She has re-visited Afghanistan, surveyed the wreckage of the Jenin refugee camp, and also spent time in Iraq— rumoured to be next on Washington's hit list.

Former Taliban prisoner interviewed I ask her why she continues to criticise America’s attack on the Taliban, which brought down the regime of her captors.

She pauses for a second, wary of sounding ungrateful.

“I never expected them to hold up the military campaign for me,” she says, “but I have to question the motives of this particular military action.”

Ridley was quick to singleout President George Bush for blame: “Right from the outset, he was saying ‘We're going to hunt Bin Laden down, we're going to smoke him out, we're going to get him dead or alive.

This has not been achieved.”

“What has been achieved is that al Qaida have moved from

ANGER: Afghan women protest against the Taliban

Afghanistan and are waging their own terrorist war elsewhere.

“All that America and Britain have achieved is reducing an absolutely devastated society into further chaos.”

Citing the surge of displaced Afghans following the war — a figure that has risen from roughly 6 million to around 9 million people — Ridley makes no apologies for her criticisms.

She suggests that a sustained bombardment of food as part of a ‘hearts and minds’ approach would have served the population’s needs, and our pockets, more favourably than military action.

“The Afghan people have had over twenty-three years of absolute hell and the agony is still going on for them,” she insists.

Ridley’s sympathy for civilians who suffer from the effects of military aggression is by no means limited to the people of Afghanistan.

Shocked by the devastation she witnessed in Jenin, she condemns the actions of the Israeli military as “medieval”.

I ask her if she believes a wholesale massacre took place, and she turns the question around on me.

“How many bodies do you need before it becomes a massacre?” she inquires.

“Initially people thought

about 500 people had been killed, in fact it now looks as though it is probably about 60, maybe more.

“I was reading an article the other day about ten people being killed in a ‘massacre’. Whatever happened, the Israelis were brutal.

“They acted like very primitive people with smart weapons.

I looked around the camp and I couldn't understand how one human being could do this to

Taliban treated her with “courtesy

another.”

A life-long Christian, Ridley's interest in the Muslim world has caused her to reconsider her faith.

She describes conversion to Islam as “a route I'm looking at”, and freely admits that she has become uncomfortable with what she perceives to be the inconsistencies of Christianity.

She is, however, careful to stress the differences between the culture and the religion of Muslim societies.

“I have realised that if Muslims around the world practiced what they preached,

The exception that proves the rule?

DEMOCRACY in the UK took a turn for the better last month when Paul Boateng was appointed to the post of chief secretary to the Treasury, making him the first Black cabinet minister in Westminster history.

The importance of this event is massive, and has been welcomed by MPs, political commentators and pressure groups.

Lee Jasper, chairman of Operation Black Vote, celebrated the announcement: “For the first time in Black and parliamentary history, our communities will have a figure to aspire to in government,” he said.

Democracy is dependent upon representation for all groups in society, and Boateng's appointment is a significant step in the bid to eradicate division along racial or ethnic lines.

However, while the breaching of another barrier to equality should be celebrated, our joy should be tinged with a considerable dose of shame.

To have waited until 2002 to see just one Black politician enter the cabinet is a damning indictment of the institutionalised inequality which riddles British politics.

inequality which exists, but perpetu-

Gavin Aitchison ates it. The White-dominated image Almost ten percent of the UK population is comprised of Blacks, Asians and other minority groups.

Yet there are just twelve non-White MPs in the House of Commons; less than two percent of the total.

The inequality is even more notable in the devolved bodies. In the London Assembly, where one third of the electorate is non-White, only two of the twenty-five representatives are Black.

Both the Scottish Parliament and Welsh Assembly lack any minority representation whatsoever — a fact which is all the more galling considering the party-list electoral system which both institutions use.

New Labour has sought to overcome the democratic deficit in Scotland and Wales through devolution, and has taken steps to increase the number of women in Parliament.

Overcoming racial inequality must now be an equally important aim.

Critics shall argue that it does not take a Black MP to represent the interests of the Black population. But this argument not only excuses the

DISGUISE: Ridley in Afghan clothing

of the House of Commons serves to further alienate minority groups from politics.

They not only see themselves as economically and socially disadvantaged, but also as unrepresented in the political process.

Turnout at elections is lowest among these minority groups. This demonstrates their sense of alienation, caused by the unrepresentative nature of the parliamentary bodies

women from all over would be flooding to the religion,” she claims, adding, “Islam should be quite liberating for women.”

Ridley stands by the statement made on her release from prison — that the Taliban had treated her with “courtesy and respect.”

But she makes no such statements about her fellow media workers, many of whom decried her Afghan adventure as irresponsible for a single mother.

“People say women in Islam are subjugated,” she points out, “but the way I was treated when I came out made me think: what

to the issue of minority under-representation. Overcoming widespread disenchantment, and persuading minority groups of the benefits of political involvement, shall be no simple feat.

Social attitudes and ingrained perceptions must be overcome, and such grassroots social change is far from easy.

Even so, the parties do have a role to play in reducing the problem.

All-women shortlists, adopted by Labour in the 1997 General Election and the 1999 devolved elections, greatly increased female representation in British politics.

There is no reason why similar

is this? We're living in the new millennium; this shouldn't even be an issue!”

I end our interview by asking Ridley if she feels there is a role for students to play in the world’s affairs, and she reveals some frustration.

“Students today are so wimpy, and yet they could be so powerful and have such a strong voice.

“I am amazed they have just sat back and watched their grants disappear down the plughole. Some sections have become really wuss-like."

tactics cannot be adopted again to reduce racial inequality.

The time has come for the rhetoric of politicians to be met with action. Talk of multiculturalism, racial equality and opportunity for all is highly commendable, but it is simply hollow talk if nothing is genuinely being done.

Paul Boateng's elevation to the cabinet was a significant milestone in the history of British democracy. But it should be the starting point of a better democracy. Action must be taken to ensure that it is.

No quick-fix to minority underrepresentation in the UK. Mr Boateng himself does not emphasise his race, stating that, “My colour is part of me but I do not choose to be defined by my colour”.

However, for the many people who do define themselves largely in terms of their colour, steps must be taken to address the imbalances.

There is, of course, no quick-fix

TRIUMPH: Boateng speaking to the media shortly after his appointment

18/06/02 YORK VISION

POLITICS 9

Stuff the Jubilee With the celebrations over, how did the royals measure up?

Despite the fireworks, John Maunder is still not impressed

ROCKING: Ozzy Osbourne at the Jubilee concert

LAST WEEKEND we were asked to join in the celebrations for the Queen's jubilee and our ‘unique’ British institution, the monarchy.

We are told that the monarchy represents compassion, fairness, and our common British heritage.

I disagree — the values of the monarchy are those of subservience, greed, and social Darwinism.

Many arguments against the Monarchy focus, quite rightly, on it's undemocratic nature. But its bigoted, greed-driven history is equally as stinking.

Remember dear old Princess Margaret? Not many people have heard about the time she stormed out of a screening of the film Schindler's List, describing it as a “tedious film about Jews”, or about how she told the Irish American mayor of Chicago that the Irish were “pigs — all pigs”.

More recently, the old charmer Prince Philip did his bit for ‘national

unity’ when he asked Inside Housing magazine, “Is council housing really necessary?”

“I would ask whether it's an appropriate activity for a local authority to provide housing at all,” he said.

Anyone travelling on a plane this summer might take heed of some more of Phil's advice. He comments, “If you travel as much as we do, you appreciate how much more comfortable aircraft have become — unless you travel in something called economy class, which sounds ghastly”.

While the rest of us suffer tuition fees, and many can't afford university access at all, spare a thought for Princes William and Harry. They have £22 million and £25 million respectively stashed away in their piggy banks.

And whilst the Queen Mother was saluted for managing to ‘battle on’ to a ripe old age (with the added help of obscene wealth), old people's homes in the real world are closing and pension-

Hello, Darling SIR HUMPHREY Appleby once described the job of formulating

2,000 miles more per year than

of doing without subsidies.

David Slater

British transport policy as “a grenade with the pin taken out.”

Following the departure of Steven Byers, the grenade has landed on the desk of Alistair Darling. Sir Humphrey's comment clearly remains apt.

What needs to be done to the transport system runs up against a wall of entrenched interests and corporate greed.

Few people would disagree with Mr Darling's goals. There are 22 million cars on the roads and the figure is growing.

Congestion costs the country some £20 billion a year.

On average, nine people are killed on the roads each day with another 24,000 dying every year from air pollution.

Reducing reliance on the car is therefore a priority. But how is this to be achieved? British public transport is the most expensive in Europe, but is widely seen as unsafe and unreliable.

So we have a clear problem, though there is an obvious solution: more investment in public transport along with incentives to tempt the public away from their cars.

A high percentage of car journeys are over distances that could easily be walked or cycled, so cutting car use would have positive knock-on effects; less cars would mean safer roads for cyclists and pedestrians.

British governments' transport policies have always been blighted by failure. The ‘Ten Year Plan’ retained £30 billion for road building, a strategy that has been shown only to worsen congestion and increase car use.

Britons on average drive

CHALLENGED: Move over, Darling they did ten years ago. They use public transport, walk or cycle considerably less.

Ever since the 60s, governments have played a role in destroying Britain's railway system through bungled privatisation.

Whatever the merits, in principle, of private sector involvement, the division of the network into different companies has been disastrous.

Competition cannot bring benefits into a service where the different companies urgently need to co-operate.

That the present government has gone back upon previous promises to re-nationalise and centralise the railway system is criminal, if unsurprising.

The government has no excuse for not massively investing in and restructuring the railways.

Did you know that every tax payer subsidises air transport to the tune of £500 a year? Air transport is the most polluting and socially exclusive form of transport, and is quite capable

Rural bus and train services, on the other hand, cannot.

In 1998, thirty-one people died in the Paddington Rail crash. 44,255 people were killed or seriously injured on the roads in the same year.

Everyone seems to agree that we need fewer cars. They also seem to agree that we need better public transport, and that people should walk and cycle more.

But people also think their car is essential, and that someone else should be paying for better public transport. It is always the driver in front who should be walking.

In short, no one is willing to pay the real social, environmental and economic costs of car use.

The fuel protests were driven by exactly this kind of myopia. At some point both government and society are going to have to stand up to the cult of the car.

So hello, Darling — we look forward to hearing from you.

AMUSED: William and Harry ers are struggling to survive, with thousands dying alone each winter due to unheated accommodation.

The truth about the monarchy is that they are filthy rich parasites. Whilst the unemployed and refugees are attacked for ‘scrounging’ benefits, the

While the rest of us struggle to pay tuition fees, William and Harry have £22m and

royals are allowed to get away with a life of obscene welfare dependency.

Monarchists’ idea of Britishness binds the rest of us up with people like them.

But the British heritage I am proud of looks to people like Tom Paine, the anti-monarchist agitator who was imprisoned and flung out of the country for his views.

It looks to the men and women who went to fight Franco's Fascists in the Spanish Civil war. And to the black and white youths who fought the National Front in the late 1970s —allowing future generations to grow up, in Darcus Howe's words, "black at ease".

That is the Britain I am proud to be a part of.

Paying the price for America’s dirty war Keith Kinsella THE COLOMBIAN people are facing the same challenge that many in the West have become familiar with.

While we are encouraged to revel in the privileges we enjoy under ‘democracy’, the last twenty or so years have seen an invasion of our rights by international trade.

1999 saw the audacity of world capitalism reach new levels with the proposed implementation of new trade agreements.

If passed, these would seriously challenge the autonomy of elected governments through giving a carte blanche to multinational corporations.

Such a threat is a growing reality for much of Latin America. Take Bolivia, a country in which the majority of people have already been impoverished by the IMF programmes of the 1980s and 90s.

1999 saw Cochbamba’s water supply privatised, increasing water rates four-fold.

The government only reversed such a programme due to immense social unrest that resulted in a number of civilian deaths.

Colombia faces a similarly depressing fate but, like Bolivia, is fighting back.

Christmas Day 2001 saw the occupation of the Cam Tower in Cali, the base of the city's public services, by anti-privatisation activists.

By the New Year the tower had become the site of mass festivity and resistance against the government and global capitalism.

Securing a commitment by the Colombian government to delay the most damaging privatisation plans, the occupiers emerged triumphant thirty-five days later.

The mood of the occupation was summarised by Mario Novelli who, addressing the crowds, urged, “Let this victory give courage to all those who desire a world of peace and social justice”.

Colombia offers much to American business if such resistance can be overcome. The biggest stickler to such plans are embodied in the FARC guerrilla army.

Whilst winning the sympathies of many Colombians who are sick of being used as an IMF punching bag, FARC are vilified by the US as gun-toting drug barons.

This characterisation ignores the fact that FARC have attempted to encourage alternative crop cultivation, only to be met with the harsh reality that many Colombians have no choice in an American-dominated market.

Since September 11th, FARC qualify as terrorists (they do after all oppose American

REBELS: Two fighters of the notorious Colombian guerrilla group, FARC interests) and therefore America feels able to abandon the veil of a war on drugs, and extend funding and support to the Colombian government.

The Colombian army is entwined with the paramilitary groups responsible for the murder of Galeano and countless others.

Conservative estimates suggest that 2,500 men, women and children were murdered in controlled areas in 2001 and more than 1.5 million Colombians were forced to leave their homes.

Since Sept 11th, FARC qualify as terrorists — they do, after all, oppose American interests The first round of the Colombian elections saw a desire by many people to go to any lengths for some vestige of stability. The draconian Alvaro Uribe won 53% of the vote and has now called for increased US involvement.

Sadly, all that can follow for Colombia is more bloodshed at the hands of paramilitaries, and more hardship at the hands of US aid —with its predictable economic sanctions

18/06/02 YORK VISION

POLITICS 9

‘Deconstruction is a political weapon’

The world’s most renowned philosopher, Jaques Derrida, spoke to a packed Central Hall last month on the French Resistance, Palestine and the threats of Globalisation.

Will Shaw reports BORN IN colonial Algeria, where a young Le Pen was allegedly to work as a torturer, Derrida was later expelled from school for being a Jew. His most famous text focuses on linguistics, though his life and work have, to an extent, always been inseparable from political tensions and resistance movements.

Speaking at York, where he deftly skipped between issues ranging from the French Resistance to the conflict in Palestine, his discourse “criticising the dominant culture” frequently sounded like an anarchist’s call to arms.

The world's most famous living philosopher cut an unimposing figure, dwarfed by the vast size of Central Hall.

Derrida’s personality soon compensated for his lack of physical presence — perhaps in response to an extravagant five minute introduction by Derek Atridge, worthy of the Order of the Brown Nose.

Derrida's work is notoriously heavyweight, and there was always the possibility that the author of the snappily titled

Statements and Truisms about Neologisms, Newisms, Postisms, Parasitisms and other small Seisisms would leave any audience member without a Phd baffled.

“I am struck by the monotony that I am always saying the same thing”, he admitted, but he transpired to be comprehensive and accessible. It was a kind of ‘pop philosophy’.

He proved to be starkly witty, and on receiving admiring laughter early on, remarked: “that was my first joke for today. Others will follow.”

Derrida's work is highly politicised, now perhaps more than ever, with his influences coming heavily from the left.

He remarked, “I was not a Marxist. I have never been a Marxist. But I thought it was my duty to go back to Marx”.

Summing-up his academic career, he said: “I did my best to oppose racism, apartheid and restrictions on immigration.

Deconstructionism is a political weapon against racism.”

Derrida’s interest and sympathy for the plight of the racial ‘other’ has a strong connection

Sarah Campbell and Adam Thorogood ON OCTOBER 26th 2000, Nabil Arir blew himself up at an Israeli Army post in the Gaza Strip. He killed no one but himself.

This was the first in a new wave of Palestinian ‘suicide bombings’, of which there have now been over fifty.

In total, 225 people have died as a result of the bombings and more than 1,800 have been injured.

These are not military but civilian deaths. The bombers have the anonymity that allows them to strike where least expected.

Why have Palestinian attacks on Israel taken this form? To view these acts through the Western view of ‘suicide’ is inaccurate.

The bombers have often been drawn from the ranks of successful Palestinian families and have no history of depression or mental illness.

It is perhaps difficult for us, living in a secular society, to understand the extent to which martyrdom is not construed as death for such devoutly religious people.

These are not acts of finality, but the first step on a path that leads to heaven.

A bomber’s death also guarantees a new life for his or her family, who are given large sums of money. Up to $25,000 can be claimed from a fund supplied by a Palestinian party which has links to Saddam Hussein.

There is much public support for the bombings, inspired by poster campaigns and fuelled by a ‘cult of martyrdom’.

These are not isolated individuals acting alone — they need the support

with his own experiences in France.

He attacked his homeland for its “anti-Semitism and racism” which, he argued, has infiltrated the highest levels of state.

“I was a militant against the politics of the French government,” he said.

Yet despite his troubles,

Globalisation only brings gain to a tiny minority Derrida proclaimed: “I am neurotically French. I wouldn't live anywhere else.”

His experiences as a Jew under German occupation heavily influence his discourse on world politics today.

He satirised the way in which the philosophy canon is dominated by Germans , adding laconically “I was occupied by German people, and I resist-

THINKER: Derrida in York ed”. France and England continue to operate the same ruthless and inhumane policies towards refugees that they pursued during the Second World War, he claimed.

Mentioning the Sangatte asylum centre, Derrida strongly criticised the two countries for struggling to get rid of people fleeing “concentration camps” in countries such as Pakistan and Afghanistan.

Opposition to oppressive and inhumane regimes has been a regular feature of Derrida's work, and he confessed: “my dreams began with visions of the French Resistance”.

Mentioning September 11th and discreetly alluding to the present conflict in Israel and Palestine, he deconstructed and undermined contemporary attitudes towards terror-

ism. “The French Resistance were considered terrorists, not the Germans. The word ‘terrorist’ is very equivocal”.

“I don't have anything against Western culture” he alleged, but is extremely sceptical about the role of West on the international scene, in particular with regards to the internet.

“We have to participate in new technologies”, he admitted, but expressed a general mistrust of any international progress the web might bring.

“Only five percent of the world have access to the net.

So when they speak of globalisation, there is no globalisation. The majority of the five percent is in the US.” So ‘globalisation’ does not bring an improved standard of living for all, Derrida argued.

Instead, it thrusts American language and culture upon the world, breaking down international diversity, and bringing economic gain only to a tiny minority.

He spoke of the “irresistible hegemony of your language”, and the perils implicit in the Americani-sation of our culture.

“I oppose this hegemony”, he said.

At the ripe age of 72, Derrida's cultural crusade continues.

On another planet What makes a suicide bomber?

A well nourished, blue blooded Iain Lindley lays into the lefties. He'd have them for breakfast

of larger organisations who provide them with their materials and orchestrate planned attacks; these organisations actively seek out militant groups.

Dareen Abu Eishi, the first female suicide bomber, was turned down by Hammas and Islamic Jihad, and was eventually provided with explosives by the al-aqsa Martyrs' Brigade.

Many of the Palestinians willing to die in this way are passed between different organisations in a manner similar to the exchange of ammunition.

These people, motivated by intense religious fervour, become the pawns of militant groups who use them in a consciously tactical way.

They are a cheap and effective recourse for groups who lack the hightech military resources of the Israeli government.

Low-tech but highly effective, the bombers are guided by human intelligence. More often than not, they are used to hit civilian rather than military targets.

Rather than taking on the might of the Israeli military, these groups aim to infiltrate and disrupt the social and economic structure of the Israeli state.

The bombers are explosive figureheads thrust into Israeli social space, carrying the brunt of Palestinian anger.

These are attacks of retribution, but when the victims are women, children and the elderly, the energies that inspired this action have been misdirected.

Many explanations can be given for Palestinian motivation, but the most basic reason lies in this glut of willing martyrs.

Faced with the humiliation of Israeli occupancy, the bombers seek to act dynamically instead of being passive victims — a way of regaining pride and a sense of identity.

It is a bitter irony that what begins as religious fervour, and a wish to implement the Qu'ran, is filtered through a complex web of political machinations to become the ugly killing of innocent women, children and elderly people.

TERROR: Palestinian extremists

AS ADVERTISED in the Politics section last issue, a motley bunch of angry (mainly middle-class) students and disgruntled anti-capitalists will descend on the University of London this July for ‘Marxism 2002’, an event organised by the Socialist Workers' Party.

From the pages of Vision recently, you’d be forgiven for thinking that the SWP, or its youth branch the Socialist Worker Student Society, actually had some influence.

Fortunately, the SWP is an irrelevance both nationally and internationally. Aside from causing irritation at universities and the occasionally loud but ineffective demonstration, the Socialist Workers are even less influential than fellow-extremists the British National Party.

Of course, SWP activists would have everyone believe that their party was leading the ‘fight against the BNP’.

Yet however sound their motives on the issue, it’s difficult not to think that their extremist stance, coupled with their unique ability to dub anyone who disagrees with their views a ‘fascist’, fundamentally undermines and discredits any coalition against racism that might be forming.

Furthermore, a quick glance at the pre-election Socialist Worker reveals that to “kick out the extremists” we should “vote Socialist Alliance”. It would appear their

grasp of public relations is matched only by their understanding of irony.

This year, I was unfortunate enough to witness their hypocritical behaviour at NUS Conference.

Having bleated on about ‘democracy’ during the reform debate, they and the rest of the hard-left showed their true commitment to democratic principles when they lost a close and controversial vote — they hurled abusive and threatening comments at those who had dared to vote against them.

Equally damning, SWSS delegates invaded the stage on the final day, because it was looking unlikely that we would have time to discuss Palestine.

Whilst I do not doubt that the Middle East situation is unbelievably important, a forum about students is not an appropriate place to discuss this issue.

As an elected student representative at the conference, I was appalled at their neglect of the student welfare discussion.

So, whilst several thousand extremists dream that “another world is possible” in London next month, back in the real world the rest of us, whatever our political persuasion, will get back to pragmatic, realistic ways of improving the world we live in at the moment.

18/06/02 YORK VISION

MEDIA 11

Gazza’s own goal Are this year’s World Cup pundits really on the ball? Rob Leigh investigates

HEARTBREAK: Gazza cracks under the pressure once more.

FOOTBALLERS, whilst not renowned as being the brightest of people, are surely the best qualified to muse on the matches at the World Cup. Or so you might have thought until now, when the TV punditry outstripps even the most notoriously inane commentary for its sheer bamboozling befuddlement.

In the wake of the collapse of ITV digital, and with Sky limited to showing clips of the fans, it’s as if the BBC and ITV have decided not to put too much effort in this time round.

Believe me, I love the man, the footballer, the consumer of kebabs, but Gazza’s presence as a commentator for ITV is stupefying.

Fair play, the fella is having a crack. But every time Des turns to him for a comment, Gazza looks as if he’s been summoned before the headmaster with his lost expression and incoherent mumblings.

Fancy your 15 minutes?

Kelly Nobay reports on how to become a minor celebrity ‘18-35? Lively, outgoing and up for a laugh?’ No, it's not an advert for club reps, but you’re close.

Production companies are scouring the country for contestants to appear in the new wave of reality game shows currently sweeping onto our screens.

The format is quick, cheap and easy to make. Students are being targeted as contestants because of their youth, attitude, and willingness to do just about anything for a cash prize.

Or even for beer. That’s what production company Mentorn is offering punters for their new game show Sex Bomb.

Resembling Toffs on a Tuesday night, three male contestants spend the night in a club, trying out their best pulling techniques.

Points are awarded for cheesy chat up lines, flirting finesse and successful snogs.

But beware — pull one of the four, red-herring ‘Sex Bombs’ planted in the club and you're automatically disqualified.

The prizes are crap and the chances of humiliation high.

But win and you'll be granted official legend status, with the video tape and a trophy to prove it.

Channel 5's The Villa are also on the lookout for singletons. A cross between Blind Date and Big Brother, it’s set in a “Multi-million Peseta property, high in the Andalucian mountains”. Each week nine

contestants are flown out, with the three most unpopular being voted out on the first night.

Survive that stage and you’ve got your summer holiday sorted.

And if you’re looking for a holiday romance, you can guarantee that Channel 5 will give you all the help you need.

A cash prize more up your street? Fancy getting your hands on a debt-busting £10,000? That’s the prize on offer for the winner of Cruel

The prizes are crap, but you do rub shoulders with Anne Robinson School, a game show being brought to us by Brighter Pictures.

They’re looking for contestants aged 18-22 who are outgoing and game for a laugh.

If your friends or family are pissed off by your bad habits and want to teach you a lesson, Cruel School want to hear from you.

More interested in fame than fortune? How does the chance of being the cover star of Glamour or GQ grab you?

Model Behaviour is back for a second series on Channel

4 and this time round they’re looking for boys as well as girls to take part.

Regional auditions are being held, so if you’re one of York's beautiful people why not go along?

You could land a contract with Select model agency, and what with Kate Moss pregnant it’s high time for a new British supermodel.

While the prizes are not much to write home about, there is the knee-weakening prospect of rubbing shoulders with small screen legends such as Anne Robinson and David Dickinson.

And if you don't know who he is, you're not watching enough daytime TV. If meeting Dickie isn’t an incentive, I don't know what is.

WANT TO APPLY? SexBomb 02072586852 The Villa 09013801211 Cruel School 0207 733 7333 For details of the regional auditions for Model Behaviour check the Channel 4 website www. channel4.com For the Weakest Link, Bargain Hunt and other BBC shows, apply online at www.bbc.com

Furthermore he most certainly is not on the ball, confessing he had never heard of Senegal as they ripped Thuram, Leboeuf and Desailly to shreds.

However, Gazza does not even compare to the BBC’s bizarre way of presenting the Match of the Day pundits.

They have attempted to manufacture what can only be viewed as the prospect of a tempestuous love affair between Alan Hansen and Martin O' Neill.

The two critics enjoyed a banal but flirtatious five minute semantic digression about whether Rio Ferdinand was “world” or merely “top” class.

And the booking of Peter Reid is probably being regretted by whatever monkey is trying to spice up/sabotage the BBCs analysis.

Gary Lineker has made a fine transition over the last few years from BBC squad member to first-team anchor, but burdening him with red-nosed Peter Reid seems a little unfair.

After confessing he had been for a few daytime cheeky ‘Britneys’, the Sunderland manager was doing a fairly successful impersonation of Oliver Reed last Friday — he wasn't dead or anything though, just pissed.

Reid had the look of a bewildered child after he failed to come up with a response to an

open-ended question about Brazil’s performance.

He could have jabbered anything his addled little brain fancied, but instead just confessed that he had missed his cue.

Ian Wright though seems to have found his niche, shaking his pom poms at every opportunity, and providing a good dose of infectious enthusiasm.

His good humoured approach makes those early mornings seem a little easier to handle.

I’m not sure whether he could translate this skill into any other broadcasting area, but he may be worth letting loose to field post-match questions.

No, not really. But by heck, anyone would be better than Garth Crooks. He appears to be actually turning into the caricature of himself that Alistair MacGowan portrays.

In the vortex of self-parody that Garth seems to be inhabiting, I’m fairly sure that I saw a skit a couple of days back that saw him dress up as a martial arts warrior.

I think this happened, but it may be that the early mornings and football saturation is infecting my poor little tiny mind.

The quality of the commentary has been mixed. John Motson is as intriguing as ever, and seems to have recovered sufficiently from the Andy ColeDwight Yorke episode of a few

years back.

He can now attempt competency and identify players that are not white.

However, his vast knowledge of factoids and curious little observations remain somewhat endearing.

“Hold onto your wine glasses”, he said just before Beckham's penalty against Argentina, as if we are all dining in Bond’s Bistro rather than supping in the Rose and Crown.

And he remains more proficient than David Pleat, who sounds as if he’s swallowing his own tongue when he tries to pronounce ‘Uruguay’.

Mighty Des Lynam is definitely slipping, especially after daring to take the mick out of Bobby Robson after Ireland v Saudi Arabia. Robson remains an acute, if a little prosaic observer.

But Des should still treat him with respect rather than suggest Bobby is confused while stroking his luxuriant ‘tache.

Remember Des, you are the David Seaman of sports journalism, and not just for dodgy facial hair — he has Gabby Yorath hoping to boot him permanently out of the side.

Shaped by the Bell Sarah Musa was overjoyed to discover a Cheerleading Soc on campus. At last here was a way of life she understood . . .

I don't think I'd look too hot in one of those little skirts, I'm not what you'd call a team player and can't even do a forward roll. So signing up was never an option.

As much fun as debtshadowed, drunken campus life is, the cliched world of the American high school is easier to understand.

Take Saved by the Bell.

Life was good or bad, cool or not. And people came in six types: dork, jock, preppie, idolised beauty, fashonista and class president.

In our formative years it provided a way to categorise others and define ourselves — an incredibly satisfying thing to do when you're ten.

Back when we were guzzling Tab-Clear in our global hypercolour T-shirts, we were subject to Saved by the Bell's daily teachings.

Even if you didn't watch it, I can guarantee that there were at least three kids in your class with Sky who did, and unblinkingly introduced its

structures we'd lived by crumbled around us. By sixth form it became possible to be both a swot and well-fit, go to the cinema alone and not be branded a weirdo, and wear a leather jacket yet not be the class bully. Without the confines of High School strictures it has become increasingly difficult to gauge how you rate on the cool scale.

A good thing surely.

After all, who wants to be

COOL: Zack social code to the classroom. Suddenly it was cool to backchat the teacher, go on dates and host sleepovers.

Before you knew it, you were giving high-fives and begging your mum for a skateboard. We craved report cards, class rings and junior proms . . .

Age, however, brought with it a lack of correlation.

Once our Kelly and Zack-esque relationships had ended bitterly we began to look upon our own with wry cynicism.

The social and moral

Before you knew it you were giving highfives and begging your mum for a skateboard in a contrived campus world where being good in seminars is geeky?

Or where it's cool to pull a footballer but not a computer scientist?

Wait a minute. Maybe the producer of Saved by the Bell is onto something — expect him on the sociology reading lists by 2010.

...Warwick’s CU calls homosexuality “the work of Satan” but denies homophobia accusations...So Solid Crew banned by uni bigwigs from Trinity College Dublin’s grad ball 4 violent reputation...Oxford get a Central Venue after a 1000 year wait...Cambridge SU President admits that “Freedom of speech isn’t always comfortable” on campus, but sees the Union as “primarily a place for open political debate”...

Lancaster Scan launches campaign against uni admin 2 save their collegiate system... Warwick students found flying St George Cross during World Cup celebrations deemed as “racist”...Oxford Tories in

12 COMMENT

18/06/02 YORK VISION

YORK VISION The gutter . . . and the stars W

e don’t like to blow our own trumpets here at Grimston House. But when there’s space to fill, we’ll happily rise to the challenge.

What a year it’s been. We’ve stitched up the Hamiltons, smacked up the Health Centre, and wrapped up Roses overnight. We’ve received more complaints than ever before but the copies are still disappearing from the newsstands faster than you can say ‘that’s not true’.

Oh yes, and there’s also the small matter of our last issue forcing an EGM and almost bringing down the President.

We get sent a lot of other student papers — and believe us, they’re bad. Boring news, ugly design and painful writing. They may come along weekly — but so do Monday mornings, binmen and karaoke night in the bar.

So why is Vision so different? One reason is undoubtedly our team. Every issue we’ve been able to fill all our editorial positions, and the calibre of people involved just gets better and better.

But equally important is our independence. At other universities, the SU is in complete control of the paper.

The result? Wall to wall praise as insincere as it is dull.

Refusal to get to the bottom of stories. Students’ worries and gripes going unreported. Rumours staying rumours. At Vision we may get on people’s nerves, but imagine what our paper would be like if we didn’t.

And don’t forget that if you don’t like the paper, you can change it. Get voted onto the team, then stand up and tell us what you think. Use us to bump up your CV, let us train you in media software, find out how to write stories and get into the business. Make use of all we’ve achieved.

Of course, we’re not without our problems. We don’t like to involve our readers in our cash-flow difficulties, but these are getting worse. Each issue costs us £1200 to print, of which the SU only gives us £400. We have to find the rest ourselves, in the midst of an advertising recession and tight-arsed Yorkshire businesses. Something needs to change in our funding if we’re to survive into next year.

But, in any case, everything about Vision will change next term. An issue without Tom Smithard or Gareth Walker is as unimaginable as an issue without typos or crude humour. There are huge shoes left in the Vision office, and you need to fill them.

If you’ve regretted not seeing your name in print this year, get in early next term, when a bucketload of positions always go up for grabs. Better still, email a section editor about writing for our freshers’ issue. It gets printed before term stars, so we’re after new writers now.

All of which goes to show we wouldn’t exist without you.

Thank you for keeping us on your kitchen tables, in your toilets and under your mattresses. Thanks for complaining, bitching, looking good in photos and doing stupid things. As the old newspaper saying goes, we would like to thank all our readers, old and new, for their continuing support.

Sven Friday comes T

hink our Sport section’s a little light this issue? Well the Jocks have spent the last fortnight watching the footie down at the Rose and Crown — and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

Before the action kicked off, we warned that England would fall at the first hurdle, Argentina would walk the group stages, and France would win the cup. Even by our own standards, we found ourselves well wide of the mark.

Now England are second favourites to go all the way, and it all hinges on our performance next Friday morning. If we can get past the mighty Brazil there’s nothing to stand in our way.

Despite crocked players, the Oriental heat and a dodgy Ant and Dec theme tune, England have proved themselves a force to be reckoned with.

To make amends for our early doubts, Vision is proud to present a unique account of one student’s experience in the Far East. He’s stayed off the saki to wire over definitive reports of every group match England played. See page 34 to find out what is was really like inside the Sapporo Dome.

And for those without the cash or good fortune to travel over with the team, there’s always beer, bacon, and the big screen in Derwent.

Letters

We welcome all contributions, from students and staff, about issues featured in Vision or those that you feel should be brought to students’ attention. Letters, which should not exceed 250 words, may be edited for clarity or space.

LETTERS@VISION.YORK.AC.UK

VISION LETTERS, GRIMSTON HOUSE

All the President’s Men. . .

So why wasn’t Ffion censured (UGM Tuesday Week 7)?

Primarily because certain SU or former SU officers, who had given the deeply uncomplimentary version of events to individuals in private — that the whole sit-in was in truth a cynical publicity exercise in killing off the 24 hour portering campaign— then failed to have the courage to say so again in public.

Their silence killed what would have been a momentous and irreversible laying down of standards for the future. The lies and half-truths can now continue until once again we are inevitably faced with more of the same. And once again it will be left to the little student to take on the mighty bullying Union.

What did the Ffion defence rest upon? On the night we heard much of Ffion being “a lovely person”. Well she is. On a personal level I have always found her to be warm, approachable, friendly and professional.

But that does not null and

void the evidence of Ashley Dee and the private confessions of the unnamed SU cowards. Being ‘nice’ is not a get out of jail free card.

This was NOT a witch-hunt. I second preferenced Ffion at her election and hope she can still speak to me after these events, though the high temperature of the whole fiasco leaves me none too confident of that possibility.

Secondly we were told that the prosecution was being “petty”. Tell that to the JCRC chiefs who invested so much time, money, effort and human resources into the Hes Hall pantomime.

If accountability, honesty and union transparency are deemed merely “petty” issues, woe betide our union.

The accusations were very clearly NOT petty. Vision also clearly appropriated great importance to the issue when breaking the story, and rightly so too. The last line of defence from the ‘Save the Scoundrel’ cabal was, most desperately and tellingly, we were told that

Ashley Dee and the rest were just lying, making it all up for an unknown and inexplicable reason.

This is not the school playground anymore and merely name-calling your detractors, who carry weighty evidence, is an extremely poor and juvenile defence.

I’d like to say I was shocked by the Hes Hall stitchup affair, but sadly I’m not.

Peter Sanderson’s speech during the censure debate hit the jackpot, that the whole structure and format of the Union encourages such secretive and shady cliquey behaviour, double standards, cloak and dagger and generally dodgy goings-on.

The anger that was so visible in the room can, with any luck, be channelled to positive and reformist ends to tidy and clean up the Union and its behaviour. Let us just hope that Tuesday night’s scenes will live in the memory as a warning to next year’s sabs.

I am writing in response to Chris Payne’s letter (‘No wonder we’re apathetic’, 28/05/02). Just because he attends UGMs and enjoys taking part in University decisions doesn’t mean the rest of us want to be forced to.

I myself have never taken part in a UGM or voted for candidates during elections — it doesn’t mean I am not a fully-fledged member of York

University and don’t give a sh*t about what happens.

It’s just that I somehow believe that York is full of the same know-it-all sloanes trying to control everyone and put a good mark on their CVs for future job interviews!

Well OK that’s pretty harsh. I believe there are some good people out there working hard, especially the YSCA reps whose work goes

unnoticed most of the time.

All I’ve really got to say is all students bring something to this University, not just people in power.

If Ffion Evans’ recent part in the sit-in scandal (which is the only event I have taken part in) is anything to go with, I’d rather not take part in University decisions.

support, and also to Nicola Bates for contacting my other half.

Letters referring to events at UGMs more often filled with words like “apathy” and “disregard.” Many people attending the UGM in Week 7 demonstrated true humanity, and I am truly grateful. All those mentioned can contact me and claim either chocolate or a pint!

In regards to your article on Pym Fortuyn ('A man of integrity', 28/05/02), I feel the title of the 'Dutch Haider' is accurate.

Whatever the differences between Europe's far- right leaders they all follow the same dangerous social logic: place the blame of society's problems onto a specific racial or religious group.

This is a game that plays with peoples lives and security, creating a climate of fear and intimidation.

After his assassination some of Fortuyn's most extreme supporters rioted outside the Dutch Parliament shouting 'blacks to the gas'.

The party he created is in many ways like the maverick right-wing organisations that existed throughout Europe in the 1920's later switching to outright Fascism after Hitler took power in 1933.

In trying to appease Fortuyn's ideas the article falls into the same trap. Targeting Islam as the cause of problems in society today is very much bound up with racism, witness the BNPs current vile campaign against Muslims.

The idea of a 'superior' or more civilized western culture is just ignorant. Are we to forget the Nazi concentration camps and countless wars in Europe?

Fortuyn's politics came down to this simple twisted logic: blame the victims of racism for racism. The arguments of the far-right have no logic and should therefore not be appeased. Immigrants are a boon to any country, often they are skilled, intelligent and enterprising and willing to help.

What stops them is governments and politicians speaking the language of 'swamping', 'backwardness' and 'bogus'.

Kathy Morrison

John Maunder

Richard Price

Caz Angel

Thanks to everyone— the next pint’s on me I’d like to express my thanks to all those who helped me out at the UGM on Tuesday Week 7. I collapsed due to a concussion, which had caused a severe headache.

The support I received from students attending the UGM was invaluable. Special thanks must go to Benedikt Franke and Jake Brazier for the first aid they provided, and also to an American girl who I have so far been unable to contact.

She and John Rose were incredibly calm and supportive, and I can honestly say I don’t know what I would have done without them.

FFion Evans was also a great help, along with the chairs of the meeting Martin Styles and Pete Bowles, who maintained excellent control of the situation.

Thanks to Chris Payne for accompanying me to the hospital, to Iain Lindley, Richard Price and David Tait for their

Don’t play into the hands of the far-right

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Ffion EVANS

Differential rents will destroy the college system

D

ifferential rents are an issue that I have raised on numerous occasions in this column, but remain perhaps the most important issue that York students face.

Not only does this issue require that we restate our belief that no-one should be priced out of the education system, but also we have to realise the fatal impact that differential rents structure have on the collegiate system at York.

York has long stood as a University where opportunity and community is regarded as a right that exists quite apart from socio-economic status.

Differential rents structures strike at the very heart of this. The collegiate system will not survive a division of colleges into rich and poor students. If the University continue the programme of rent rises and disparate facilities, York will lose what makes it unique.

Affiliation to colleges will depend solely on how much money students have. As the University has begun, finally, to admit, this will lead to a lack of any choice for students, dividing colleges simply into rich and poor — with damaging effects rather like those seen in the Big Brother house.

During the last couple of days we have been asked

Vision kebabbed Whilst reading your ‘Fancy a kebab feature’ I was appalled to noticethat there was no mention of Pizza Plus on Hull Road (which does a good line in doners as well as the standard pizzas).

This would be half-acceptable if it wasn't for the fact that the main photo used was, in fact, of the bloke who runs Pizza Plus.

A man who I'm relatively well acquainted with thanks to my regular visits to his fine takeaway emporium.

An apology required I believe!

Peter Sivey

Power hungry I noticed in your recently devised ‘Power List 2002’ that all JCRC Chairs were included with the exception of the James Chair, Andy Henton.

I hope that by omitting Andy you are not saying that James College is inferior to all the others.

I know we currently have no bar but that doesn`t mean that the 1,000 students who belong to the best college on campus don`t count.

Afterall, three of next years Sab officers come from James. Ignore us at your peril!

Duncan Flynn

whether the Collegeopoly campaign is just an attempt to divert interest away from portering and on to rents.

In fact, the two campaigns represent a combined fightback against reactionary policies that divide students and damage our interests.

Security cuts and rent rises both illustrate the University's incorrect prioritisation of money-making over students.

The fact that they even fail to be effective as a business —note the empty units in Market Square and the equally empty Wentworth Bar — makes this even worse.

The University should stand for developing and educating students so they are better equipped to enter the wider community.

The Students' Union has always aimed to protect and advance this— the University has continually showed its unwillingness to do so.

The University is offensive in its willingness to categorise students purely according to their wealth and forcing them into rich and poor ghettos, denying them the vital chance to meet with a diverse range of people.

That they continue to do this indicates the need for a strong, campaigning union.

We must fight attacks on students before they become

G

Graduating this summer?

Our website allows graduates to keep in touch with all the latest news at the University.

And for everyone else who’s just away for the holidays, make sure Admin can’t do anything behind your back.

Vision will still be online throughout the summer.

So why not log-on to www. york vision.co.uk

COMMENT 13

Crossing the pond

institutionalised. We cannot allow the voice of students to be divided and unclear.

We must fight for our common belief in fairness and equality of educational opportunity; not the incorporation of all society's ills into this community. iven that this is my last column, I've been told that it’s only proper to acknowledge the work of those who have contributed to the development of the Union over the past year.

First of all I would like to thank Tory Nelson-Parker for always helping me to feel good about myself and generally contributing to the civil and professional atmosphere in the office.

I would like to thank Dan Simon for introducing me to the concept of salami tactics, and for successfully getting another UGM quorate.

I have recently admired his willingness to co-operate with anyone, regardless of previous antipathy, to achieve his wider goals. I'll remember this for a long time.

A special thanks to the college chairs, for always being willing to promote YUSU's cause as well as their own, and despite their diverse and varying mandates, coming together to aim at shared goals.

A genuine thanks goes to Jenna Khalfan, I couldn't have done one day without her. A big round of applause should go to Sam Challis who has constantly kept me on my toes, told me when I have been wrong and all in all been just fantastic.

Good luck to the new sabb team, listen to what people say. It will be a difficult year but just remember that the ethos of the Union is more important than anything. The University are not as strong as they think they are.

I

t was less because of any belief in my literary abilities, than a quiet confidence in my punctuality, that persuaded a former editor to offer me a column in this otherwise fine publication.

I might well end up writing repetitive, invariably selfpitying drivel. Doubtless I would do so with a shaky sense of proper punctuation and an unseemly dependence on the computer’s thesaurus make me look cleverer than I am. But – and this is what convinced the editor I was his man – at least I could be relied upon to do all this conscientiously to a deadline.

On every point the editor was found prescient – except of course the important one. I have not met, kept or stuck to deadlines at all. Instead I’ve ducked, dodged and trampled them with all the grace of a woozy, past-his-prime prize fighter.

Disappointment as I have proven, now seems the time to thank him and his successors for their patience and kindness. Vision has given me more fun, entertainment and friends than any school, hobby, job or degree in my life, and in the hands of people like this it’ll continue to do so as long as there’s the ink to print it.

These thanks made, as this is my last column – not-tomention my adieu to York – some sort of valedictory statement seems called for. I’d hoped to have avoided being predictable and kept my timesa-changing reflections to myself. After all I’ve only been here for four years; hardly any position to offer Rip-Van-Winkle type judgements.

But then again, I did spend two hours last week wandering dazedly around Alcuin looking for a room that isn’t even there any more – this after trying to reach the college by a bridge that seems to have similarly disappeared.

The first University bar I got pissed in has gone (as perhaps more fortunately has the first York toilet I churned my guts up in); so too has my first seminar room. All the best teachers I had – mildly-eccentric ‘sixties leftovers who’d been here

Gareth WALKER

since the very beginning – have retired.

This place is changing, not even slowly, all around us. And the changes are more than topographical. A little while ago I spent a strange few hours in a plush board-room at the top of our new ‘Information Centre’.

People there were using phrases like ‘core-business’ and it took me some time to realise that, by that, they meant the students scurrying too-and-fro down below.

Half-a-million years ago, or whenever it actually was that I filled in my UCAS form and did a tour of potential universities, the best thing about York was that it wasn’t Oxford, Cambridge, Durham, Warwick or anywhere else. They all seemed to have had to sell their souls and dirty their hands to scramble to the top of the league tables. Somehow though, it was as if York had just sauntered to the top with its hands in its pockets, whistling away; half-surprised, halfamused when it actually found itself up there.

When I visited it didn’t seem slick or stylish: the kind of place that wanted to process you efficiently through its degree-factory, gently picking your pocket along the way. It looked more like a crusty concrete barnacle which had somehow had the fortune to attach itself to the nicest city in England.

Now (although everybody whose ever graduated from this place has probably thought the same) I think we’ve all caught the failing gasps of the ‘old’ University of York in the last couple of years.

Getting to the top may have been hard-working fun – a kind of joint adventure between staff and students that endedup more successful than anyone could have imagined.

Staying there though is going to be long, tough and expensive fight. The future will doubtless

be bigger, shinier, better equipped, and offer en-suite facilities; but it’ll struggle to have the same kind of charm.

Who am I to come-on as the ancient mariner, though?

What do I know? As these columns have invariably shown, very little at all. York has offered me more stimulation, fun and joy than I deserve, and seems to be doing no less so for the thousands who arrived this year. So long as nobody forgets that students (awkward, irritating, annoying and often absurd breed as they are) remain the only unique, important reason that this place even exists, there’s hope.

It has all-in-all been a strange year, and I’ve found myself caught on a kind of blind corner. Down one side I’ve had the pleasure, uncomfortable as it has occasionally been, of observing from a distance a new tide of Freshers discover all the joys and mistakes I thought I’d forgotten.

On the other I’ve watched friends move off into ‘life’ and begin to make careers, buy houses, get married and generally behave as grown-ups.

These columns, with all their faults, have never been anything more than rushed, confused despatches from this noman’s land.

As for my own future; I’ll loiter in York a few more months, enjoy one more summer, then head off wherever fate leads me. Although before anyone gets too worried I should point out that, delightfully, fate happens currently to be pointing toward sunny California and the girl that I love.

Leaving York for L.A. handin-hand with a beautiful woman? Whoever’s writing this script (and it certainly isn’t me) deserves a raise.

Maybe I should have just let him write this column all along.

14 COMMENT

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Join the Front! email jamesrevfront@hotmail.com

ystv PRESIDENT INNOCENT Organ of the Central Committee of the JRF

OF ALL WRONGDOING YUSU PRESIDENT, Chairperson Iffans, has been found totally innocent of any improper conduct surrounding the occupation of Heslington Hall last term.

Defeating a censure motion by seven votes after three recounts, the result has been described as the most resounding victory since Thomas Conman won the presidential election.

Friends and well wishers gathered to congratulate the President, having just voted in large numbers to definitively prove her innocence.

Celebrants included former NFL superstar and occasional actor OJ Simpson, who described the evening's 'Trial by UGM' as the "Greatest triumph of justice in at least seven years".

"I only wish my ex wife

Photo News

Nicole and her 'friend' Ron Goldman could have been there", added an emotional Simpson.

Described by Union sources as a "a load of wank," the allegations that Iffans had colluded with members of Admin were proved only by laughable scribbled notes, official university minutes, and multiple eyewitness accounts of Iffans stabbing 450 students in the back in close succession.

The obviously untrue story was revealed by Iffans' friend and future housemate, roving reporter Tim Smithurd.

"The whole tale was so obviously a cruel fabrication I had no choice but print it" commented the embittered ex-editor. "It's simply a matter of journalistic integrity".

The testimony settled once and for all the inno-

Cultural Calender 'FRIENDS OF THE DIRECTOR' CITY SCREEN, THURSDAY, 7:30

VISOIN IDENTIFY MOST NEWSWORTHY STORY OF THE WEEK

"COLLEKTIVISUM" FEATURES IN PHONETICALLY SPELT PROMPT CARD.

INTEGRITY OF FORMER CAMPAIGNS OFFICER, SAMUEL MUGG, VISIBLE UNDER MICROSCOPE

Students are cordially invited to the lavish gala premiere of Cinematography Society's latest multi-pound cash haemorrhage.

Based loosely on several Ladybird adaptations of Conan Doyle Classics, which the producer's housemate owned when he was a child, the adventure sees Holmes and Watson take to the Victorian streets, where for some reason both friend and foe alike seem to be no older than 21 years.

In what has been described variously as "a triumph" by the film's own writer, the super sleuth battles both acne and Moriarty, in an attempt to uncover the missing bullion given to the Cine-matography Society last month by the National Lottery.

As the list of suspects comes to include everyone on the director's corridor from his first year, not even the most distant acquaintance is spared from this cameo-laden turd-o-rama. Featuring Lendal Cellars as Ye Olde London Towne.

NEXT MONTH

Jacques Derrida wows York with his trampoline act.

A victorious Iffans with friends, Tim Smithurd and Orenthel James Simpson cence of our president.

Iffans' demonstrated that her hands were actually too small to pick up the alleged minutes book, and proved with science

that "being bad was not in her DNA". And as multiple character witnesses testified, Iffans is "really great."

Simpson's transatlantic visit to support Iffans has

not gone unnoticed. In a touching display, the two exchanged gifts.

Iffans received an almost complete set of kitchen knives, while Simpson was given the opportunity to rename the SU Shop, henceforth known as the OJ Student Centre.

"I'm so proud of it, I put my name on it!" said Simpson.

The Union has been quick to stress the villain of the piece, former campaigns officer Ashama De Laden.

According to an official SU spokesperson, after crashing the 747 into the book depository he escaped the scene riding Shergar.

Iffans took time out from celebrations to offer final comments on Ashama De Laden's guilt: "if the glove fits‌"

Big Button

7.30

Everyone's favourite campus reality show continues.

Students are monitored 24 hours a day by a Security Chief Ken Button, sitting on a throne atop a 50 metre pole erected on Vanbrugh Paradise. It's been several days since the campus was divided in two. The Langwith tribe suffer, without access to portering, telephones or cooking facilities. Meanwhile in James, the braised veal is returned to the kitchens for being 'a trifle pedestrian.'

8:00 2 UP 1 DOWN Exciting new spin off series of 'Daa Suu' featuring the unemployed antics of former Chairperson Iffans and Jenni Kaftan as they seek there fortune in London, where the streets are actually paved with PURE GOLD! Inviting homeless former journo Tim Smithurd to share their bed sit's bunk bed, the three are set for fun aplenty! This week, hard times strike as it is discovered prevaricating about the office all day, discussing how to repoliticise UGMs is not a good stepping stone to the national trade union movement, while Tim takes to writing his opinions on his housemates on a wipe board in the kitchen, just below the washing up rota.

9:00 Big Button's Little Button Puerile erotic spin off of earlier show.

THREAT OF THERMO NUCLEAR WAR ON CAMPUS Security Chief Ken Button spills the beans YORK UNIVERSITY is set to be drawn into the coming storm between Pakistan and India over the disputed province of Kashmir, Visoin can reveal.

In a rare interview, Security Chief Ken Button revealed that given many hypothetical conditions, the University could well be reduced to a radioactive desert.

Button made public a terrifying scenario in which the University neighboured Srinagar in Indian Occupied Kashmir, rather than scenic Heslington, where the neighbours are armed

If York University was on this map, there'd be trouble

with warheads rather than pitchforks.

"For God's sake Duck and Cover" insisted

Button. He was quick to reassure students that York is NOT in the subcontinent, and he is just taking precautions based on rampant speculation.

But Visoin is also alarmed to report sinister alternative worlds in which Nazi Germany won World War Two, and an advanced race of Space Monkeys use humans as slaves in their giant lunar "pleasure sphere".

"Just because it hasn't happened, and won't happen, doesn't mean we shouldn't report it" stressed Visoin Editors.

COMPETITION! COMPETITION! What do you get when you mix a total sham of an event with wife-murdering OJ Simpson? Capricorn One, that's what! OJ is one of three astronauts used by NASA to fake a mission to Mars. Featuring suspense, intrigue, murder, but sadly no quorate UGMs, this great video could be yours simply by e-mailing: jamesrevfront@hotmail.com

News in Brief YUSU Handover approaches.

Chairperson Iffans advises successor Thomas Conman to be three times as corrupt as her to ensure UGM quoracy, and Executive unity.

"Sobbing in front of the non sabbs not only guarantees pressies" said Iffans, "but it also means they won't complain when you stab them in the face with a hot poker."

MEDIA

Top Visoin paparazzi Rob Harass, having struck fear into the hearts of students and admin alike, has been granted a place in the prestigious Visoin Power List. "Who the f*ck is Rob Harrass?" commented a passing student.

16 FEATURES

28/05/02 YORK VISION

The mission: skive off reading week for a holiday to Italy. The agents: Anonimo and La Duchessa

Settimana della lettura? day… apparently it could be terminal."

When answering your mobile mid-mission, do NOT under any circumstances scream "Ciao, Pronto!" down the phone in your best Italian accent - other agents will try any tactics to catch you off guard…

Send postcards only to your family, housemates, the random bloke you met in Toffs (?!), and the whole of

stock UP

your tutor group (minus the tutor)… but assume a pseudonym, something unobtrusive such as: Felicity Ferrari; Contessa Laura di Capra; or Lorenzo Massimiliane - they'll never guess.

Continue to wear your sunglasses upon your return

hide TAN

York… not only will this maintain Italian chic, but you will not be recognised with an overflowing suitcase, and 16 designer bags containing essential items such as 10 bot-

get ALIBI

tles of wine, 800 cigarettes and all the Prada you could buy with your overdraft…

Resist the temptation to greet your supervisor with your newly-acquired foreign phrases, three air kisses, and an "Oh my God, you should have seen the regazze on the beach in Ravenna darling!"… Inferior agents can be more astute than you may first realise.

in… hopefully the deprivation of sunlight will help to fade

turn ITALIAN

the tan, and give you that sickly demeanour that says "I've been stuck between bookshelves in the criticism section for the past week…"

Do NOT, under any circumstances, publicise your travels in any of the University media…

hide FAGS

switch OFF

Spend the 48 hrs when you get back in front of the computer, desperately trying to achieve the word count for that essay you have to hand

to

mouth OFF

Reading Week, Year One: Admit it, you covertly headed home, armed with a few journal articles, to lie low with some quality home cooking and cups of tea in bed courtesy of Mum and Dad. In fact, it has become a truth universally acknowledged that a reading week spent as far

second year it's about time that you progressed to the hardcore school of blagging it - European style.

The mission statement for any aspiring work-shy, sun-

call VISION seeking agent :-

Y

our indispensable weapon in waging war against reading week boredom must be away as possible from the acquired early in the JBM is highly beneficial to mission. You assessed essay performance. must obtain But you've graduated from yourself an spy school now, and in the Erasmusobsessed Europhile Admit it, you covertly as a friend. said headed home, armed with Ply friend with a few journal articles, to copious

count WORDS

lie low with some quality

home cooking and cups of tea in bed courtesy of Mum and Dad STALLIONS: meeting the locals (right) SPLASH: by the fountain

Cerian Morgan explores the lure of a hip & trendy new Germany

Cool Germania G

ermany, the country of lederhosen and sausages has had a cultural revolution—a student friendly one. In fact what is so revolutionary about Germany is that it now appeals and directly affects young people.

Despite its traditional image visiting Germany will challenge your preconceptions. Erase from your mind those interesting specimens photographed in your school German textbook published thirty years ago. Roll over Fritz and take a new look at the hip and trendy Germans they turned out to be.

Even more surprising, just check out how they lead in the cool stakes. Yes, sorry folks, Germany, and indeed Europe, is now undeniably cooler than Britain.

The club scene in cities such as Berlin, Frankfurt, Düsseldorf and Munich puts Leeds and London to shame. Some of the most successful DJs are German and they know how to party over there.

The recent MTV awards held in Frankfurt are testimony to how much the music industry values the German market, influence and

atmosphere.

Germany's pubs and clubs stay open longer (all night in many cases); there is none of this eleven o'clock curfew.

Herman the German can handle his beer, Dankeschön, and not vomit in the streets after a few hours’ bingeing. After a while in a bar or beer tent, he can wander through the streets that have tables and socialisers spilling outside.

I don't mean to suggest that the pils does not affect this solid nation.

On the contrary, take in a pub in Germany and witness the singing and laughter for testimony.

However, I do emphasise the argument that they know their limits. Of course, they usually have

Herman the German can# handle his beer, Dankeschön, and not vomit in the streets after a# few hours’ bingeing

money left at the end of the evening. Drinking and smoking is far cheaper, as it seems to be everywhere.

Claudia Schiffer, Germany's most aesthetically pleasing export, sets a high precedent; one which many live up to.

Speaking as a female who has lived in Germany all her life, and is not German, but European, Welsh and British (in that order), I can honestly say that it is a land of originality.

N o t only do I never buy clothes in the UK anymore (everyone has access to that TopShop top featured in Elle) but I would resolutely stick to European fashions. They are practical, chic and funky, all at once, and most importantly, individual.

And what of the quieter life?

All German cities have inspiring, unique and authentic cuisine.

This had in the past been fiercely resisted by the traditional meateating nation, but nowadays any German would happily swap his bratwurst for a bahji and his sauerkraut for sushi.

The crucial point here is the authenticity. What really exasperates me about Britain is its unoriginal chain restaurants where the food has no vague taste of authenticity about it.

This is, of course, on the lower level of the market. Britain has many extraordinary chefs, of a calibre the Germanic nouvelle cuisine really does not compare to.

However, I'm talking normal, casual eateries. Go out for a pizza (real, wood-fire cooked and

owned by Italians) in Germany and you would pay 12DM/€6 or £4.

Over here you'd be lucky to get cheese and tomato for double that.

Tr ave l l i n g around is not the trauma it ends up being over here either. Trains are half the price, half the time and half the hassle. The system runs to an efficiency and organisation that is purely German.

The standard of living is not only higher, but also cheaper.

Students do not fork out extortionate amounts for university fees every year and it would be fair to say that the student contingency actually has a political voice over

there.

And yes, many Germans still wear hideous jackets and jeans and grow fascinating moustaches but they tend to be in the over 50 bracket. It's true, I am always intrigued by the Eurovision entry, but at the end of the day, excepting one lucky occasion, they still do, and always will, beat you at football!

LARGE: German clubbers living it up in Frankfurt

16 FEATURES

28/05/02 YORK VISION

Mags Parker struts her funky stuff with real-life campus celebrities, James Brown, Tom Jones & Barry White

Famous Names York, a city famed for its Vikings and the largest gothic cathedral this side of the Alps, seems somewhat mis-placed.

Any mention of activity, funk related or otherwise, is likely to push us over the edge. We are more likely to be found drinking Lambrini and discussing the latest eviction form the Big Brother house than grooving on down. Sorry guys, you’ve come to the wrong place.

Although, history perhaps suggests that there is still time for the trio to claim iconic status. James Brown famously blossomed from juvenile delinquent to take up his current position as Godfather of Soul over a period of years.

Maybe one day York will recognise the three struggling students as stars in their own right.

For now at least, it seems that the closest these three superstars are likely to get to the lime light is a three minute slot on one of the podiums at the next G-Spot. Play that funky music, boys, and get on down.

Y

ork University: home of smooth grooves, funky beats and hot luurve. Who are we kidding? The majority of us deal with the knowledge that in the world of cool, “The University of Dork” languishes at the bottom of the pile, just below shell-suits and Richard Madley.

But somewhere amongst the concrete and lowest common denominator advertising, three students are single-handedly upholding the last bastion of cool.

Crooning against the backdrop of wildfowl, worshipped by drunken students from Wentworth to Langwith, James Brown, Barry Whyte and Tom Jones provide a touch of class.

Spare a thought for these Kings of Cool who must suffer the indignity of the famous name whilst maintaining the mundane existence expected of university students.

While the rest of us have licence to discuss why belly button fluff is always blue, to eat left over pizza in front of breakfast TV, and to fall down the stairs at Ziggys at least once a term, these three hot blooded males have the

Could the ‘University of Dork’ really be inhabited

by Motown legends and a veteran Welsh crooner?

HOMECOMING QUEEN

Visi o ing n’s de part Amer corr i espo can Alic nden i reme a Star t, ke mber ther s th y, e’s a like no p t lace home .

My last thought is simply a repeat of my favourite summer moment. It is what I look forward to the most. I am driving home on an empty road. I roll down the windows and blast some musicpartially to keep me awake, but mostly because it just feels so great.

Taking the long way home, I drive through town, past the clothing store where I used to work, the deli that has served me a hundred sandwiches, the parks where we used to hangout when there was no where else to go.

When I get home the house is quiet and I walk through the downstairs rooms, even sit in the den for awhile, flipping through the TV channels as the stations magically comeback to my fingertips. As I walk upstairs I look at my watch.

It's five-thirty in England; the birds have been up for hours.

"I'm home," I whisper to my parents. My father turns and says something sleepily incoherent and I close their door. I'm home.

mammouth task of administering a well deserved injection of funk to the student population.

Second year PPE student James Brown, first year politics student Tom Jones and second year PPE student Barry Whyte are no strangers to the phenomenon of celebrity.

“I was aware for much of my childhood that I had a famous name, but that was the early eighties, and by then Tom Jones had lost his fame, so it wasn’t that bad,’ remembers the real Tom Jones. ‘When he came back with his 1992 hit ‘Kiss’, I could have cried.

Suddenly my name really amused people.’

Maybe there’s something in a name after all. There’s certainly something of the smooth-talking, loveable rogue in him as he notes with a glint in his eye; ‘The University should make special dispensations. Someone as famous as I am should not be in Goodricke accommodation. Do they know who I am?’

Perhaps not, but the University certainly seem to know who Barry Whyte is. Having made his name as an actor in various Drama Soc productions, Barry credits his famous name with much of his success. His dulcet tones can often be heard delighting audiences in the drama barn.

The three likely lads cite Freshers Week as the best showcase for their unique identities.

‘At least everyone remembers you,’ smiles James Brown. “It’s a nice way to tease the ladies. I don’t know many people who can use the line ‘Get up, I feel like being a sex machine’ without fearing for their lives!”

S

ometimes, the only way to remember what you have missed is to go back.

I am an American who has spent the year in York. It has been ten months, seven in the last stretch , and in only two weeks it will all be over. I am going home.

The inevitable trip has been on my mind a lot recently. Not so much the physicality, that's just a matter of clenching my teeth and stepping onto the plane, but the mental logistics: for almost a year I have been an American in a swarm of Englishmen and women.

At York, English friends regard me as a true living, breathing Yank, the unquestioned authority on all things Trans-Atlantic.

But when I step off the plane all of that will change: again I will be an American in a swarm of other Americans.

Anxiety over the return has turned me into something of a fortuneteller. For the same reason that uncertain brides seek palm readers, or the morose call phonein psychics, I have created stories of my own future.

These little pieces of imaginary conversation I will have,

I have been an American in a swarm of Englishmen. At York, English friends regard me as a true living, breathing Yank, the unquestioned authority on all things Trans-Atlantic.

Yet York seems oblivious to their charms.

Perhaps a dose of cool is not what the doctor ordered in this instance.

Their mission to introduce the concept of street cred to

(Clockwise from top) SEX MACHINE: The real life James Brown spots his latest target across Goodricke bar. Papa’s got a brand new bag, ladies.

NOT UNUSUAL: Tom Jones contemplates the rock & roll lifestyle in Goodricke A block. WALRUS OF LOVE: Barry Whyte gets the girl in DramaSoc’s The Robbers

glimpses of roads and housesnow fill my head like vague memories.

The scenes are often mundane, often recycled, yet pleasantly familiar and I hold onto them as a reminder of why I am going back.

I have thought about my parents at the airport. They've been lookingforward to this for months, they will say, and I know it is true becausethey have been telling me the same.

At the end of the gang plank therewill be hugs and kisses. Dad will lift my monstrous bag into the car, giving me a glance and smile that says, "God, think they don't have rocks in America?" Mom will squeeze my hand. "You're home!" she willsay.

Later, sitting in the kitchen, Mom will ask me about tonight's dinner.She has cooked according to what food she believes I have suffered without since Christmas, listing them aloud then watching for my reaction.

Mom is unaware that America's global reach includes foodstuffs. Most of the things she lists I have eaten in the last monthbut I keep quiet, 'oohing' and 'aahing' at the appropriate moments.

My next prediction is the most clichéd: I am sitting in a diner. I am with a friend from around the block and this is our tradition. We spendmonths apart and then catch up over syrup-drenched pancakes.

Our waitress's name is Lorraine.

She has been there for years and she wears blue eye shadow that defies any border created by her brows.

Again, I think of home, of time with my parents. It is again

evening and I have plans with a group of friends. As I am leaving the house, Mom andDad will pretend to protest, flaunting the qualities of whatever movie has been rented-but really they don't mind.

My escape, slipping out before the dishes are cleared, marks my real return. They flinch a bit when I touch the car keys. My father smiles and says, "The right side, honey, stick to the right." I make a face. "Love you, see you later," I say as I head out the door.

Outside the night is hot and humid-a far cry from England where July could be placed next to April without so much as a ripple.

I step into the car, close the door and reverse. Pulling out onto the road, the leftside offers no temptation, although I do give it a nod, as if to acknowledge its possibility.

Then I am going to a party.

Not really a big deal, I was told on

HOMESICK: a subway train in New York City

the phone, just some old friends and some friends of friends. On the driveover, I wonder if there will be a build-up to my arrival.

After all, it’s half way through the summer. But if there was, it is not evident now.

They say, "Hey, how was England? Fallen in love with Beckham?" I smile."Good, and not really." There is a pause, and I try to think how to crush a book into a paragraph.

Then from across the room someone calls,"Hey, want a beer?"

She is a stranger, a friend of a friend, certainly unaware she is interrupting my homecoming.

"Sure, driving, but one would be great." The sweating can gets tossed across the room and the conversation returns to what it always is: music, sorted stories fromrespective Universities and memories of times past.

18 YORK VISION FEATURES

FEATURES YORK VISION 19

GRAD IT’S OVER? THE RAG PRESIDENT For all those who haven't quite had enough of life in the provincial backwater that is York, a sabbatical post may offer respite for another year. If you possess buckets of energy, insomnia, a tendency towards insanity and one of the loudest mouths in York, then this is the job for you.

Work the look: Wigs, fabrics that clash, drag - the rule is: anything goes.

Essentials: A cheesy grin, the ability to shake a bucket and amuse small children.

THE BEACH BUM The sun-kissed look is very popular and if you can't achieve one naturally then Vision recommends the self-tanning option. Use the phrases 'far-out' and 'sketchy' as often as possible. Carry a surfboard at all times.

Call everyone 'dude', just for the hell of it.

Ride the adrenaline rush, man.

Work the look: A wet suit that contours a shapely torso. Mmmmm.

Essentials: Kangaroo poo and goggles.

Salt water really stings.

P H O T O G R A P H Y :

A l e x

K i e h l

a n d

L i z z y

T u r n e r

As graduation looms, and the real world rears its ugly head, graduates campus wide can be found staring fixedly at the bottom of their pint glasses in the hope of uncovering the holy grail of graduation that is The Career. Has the milkround passed you by? Don't fancy the old 9-5? Does the thought of City stress send you weak at the knees?

The Vision team offer the luckless third year student an end to the career conundrum with their very own alternative career guide; ‘Life after Ziggy's’. At the end of the day, it's not so much what you have, as what you do with it, as a red-faced Angus Deaton proved recently. Whatever you chose to do, do it in style.

You've got the degree. Now get a life.

THE CHEF Those who can, cook. Everyone has a housemate who manages at least once a week, as a matter of culinary pride, to produce something edible from the ming at the back of the fridge. Give them an apron and a vocation. Encourage them to wear those gravy stains with pride.

Work the look: Accompany with a dash of attitude, a sprinkling of ego, and a dollop of sex appeal.

Essentials: A bad temper, or a mockney accent; its your choice.

THE MEDIA LUVVIEPenchant for networking and parties, daaaahhling?

Go down the media route. Spend most of your time looking important, and as little as possible actually doing any work.

Work the look: Sharply tailored clothes and an attitude to match.

Easy tiger.

Essentials: The ability to air kiss for hours at a time. A mobile phone clamped permanently to the ear.

THE MUSICIAN The ultimate fashionistas should consider forming a band. Bad haircuts, stained t-shirts, and any kind of footwear, as long as it is both ridiculous and pungent, complete the image.

Work the look: A guitar, probably bass, slung low.

Strum it at random in a knowing manner without any concept of melody.

Tunes are over-rated.

Essentials: A random assortment of people that can pass as a band, unless you've got some talent, in which case put down your tambourine and take centre stage. Party on Wayne.

THE NATURIST Fed up with the conformity which goes with the middle class lifestyle at York? For the discerning graduate this summer, the ultimate in rebellion is the naturist look. If you're going to do this full time though, you really need to join a colony to avoid arrest.

Work the look: No noticeable muscle tone, and keep that flesh as pale and uninteresting as possible. Facial hair works a treat - for either sex.

Essentials: Bum bag. Where else are you going to keep your keys?

THE BUILDER Let's face it, we've had enough role models at York over the years. This profession offers lots of scope for individuality; become a cowboy, a loveable rogue, or turn your hand to the music industry. Can we fix it?…….. Quite possibly not, but we can bodge it if you're willing to pay enough.

Work the look: Perfect the wolf whistle and heckle anyone that comes within ear shot. End every sentence with the word 'mate'. Fail to do any work. Ever.

Essentials: Baggy waisted trousers - give that bum crack all the air it deserves.

THE CITY SLICKER Always wanted the opportunity to wear a pin stripped suit without the fear of ridicule?

Enter the rat race. Blood pressure as high as the salary you earn will ensure you're finished by the age of 45, but, boy, the parties, the champagne, the hangovers……

Work the look: Perfect the art of talking through your nose.

Essentials: Natty ties, manicured nails, accessorised umbrellas.

THE BACKPACKER A style familiar to any selfrespecting student - the "I forgot my hairbrush" look.

Opt for a backpack and hiking boots. Forget to wash.

Perfect your ability to spout useless information about places which no one can find on a map. Lose all notion of 9 to 5. Smoke copious amounts of weed.

Lose all notion of anything at all.

Work the look: this look is best accompanied by a "year out", a roundthe- world jaunt of self discovery and an overdraft more substantial than that with which you left university.

Essentials: Mosquito repellent, a toothbrush, and a Rough Guide that weighs more than the rest of your belongings put together.

20 FEATURES SPROG: Should younger people be encouraged to have children?

16/06/02 YORK VISION

CHEESED OFF?

d roun a s ent e ev onv i t en c na e r b e n. t Al stbi have u d s u he nt camp to t tude s d e e n t ick sig n even oodr G t a e clea th On o t s t ed es sugg s ne r e s ni act. orga r i e h up t

M

ost campus events, whether the organisers admit it proudly or pretend otherwise, can be described as cheese events, meaning pop music with the possibility of a little dance music thrown in.

There is nothing intrinsically wrong with this, as the demand for cheese is undoubtedly higher than for any other kind of event. But nobody would argue that campus contains a wide variety of tastes and preferences, and not everyone will enjoy cheese events.

Events catering for alternative tastes, then, are desirable.

It is sad therefore, that Goodricke JCR, who in the past have done the most to ensure that alternative events take place, has decided that it can only afford to put on one alternative event from next term onwards.

This means the likely indefinite cancellation of the hugely popular 'Dust' event.

Sanja, treasurer of York University alternative music society the Lunatic Fringe, stated, "it's sad to see Dust go, for many people I know it was the only event on campus that they enjoyed.

“It seems a very strange decision as it always appeared very popular."

Indeed Dust was extremely well attended, selling out in the spring term. The reasons for its cancellation were made

Time for procreation not recreation? Rebecca Bull examines our falling population...

The hand that rocks the cradle W

e're just not having babies any more.

To some this will be a welcome surprise.

Puking, snotty, dribbling little bundles of joy will not be missed by the majority of the student population.

One in six couples is having difficulty conceiving, and sperm counts have reached an all time low; they are only half what they were sixty years ago and they're still declining by two percent annually.

Perhaps it's time to spread a little joy while you still have fully functioning equipment.

If not, we face catastrophe. The population threatens to peak in just thirtyfive years time and begin a downward spiral into decline. Once we start the downward trend, there's no going back.

Soon the generation born of the 1960s baby boom is going to hit their golden age; 65 for men and 60 for women. The ratio of workers to dependents will drop sharply between 2006 and the late 2030s.

An the moment people are looking around them and asking themselves "who's going to look after me when I reach a pensionable age?" The average retirement age will have to rise to 72 in order to main-

tain the present ratio of economically active citizens to older dependents.

Over to you Mr Tony Blair. Not my problem. I plan to have at least six screaming bundles of fun, as my personal pension plan; insuring against frailty and old age.

In fact, isn’t that the problem? Don't we invest most of our efforts into ensuring that babies don't happen anymore?

Since secondary school sex education we have been told to "just say no" to drugs and "yes please" to contraception The efforts of struggling biology teachers around the country and the ingestion of the oral contraceptive pill seem to be doing the job admirably with a little help from the food

Since secondary school sex education we have been told to "just say no" to drugs and "yes please" to contraception

industries.

The level of oestrogen in our drinking water is to be blamed not only for goldfish changing sex, but more importantly, for depletion of the sperm count.

Women are also going out to get jobs for themselves. The stereotype of the "super woman" has been left behind. No longer is it thought possible to juggle the demands of a baby and career. The potential for dropping the baby on its head is too great. The focus for working women is to drop the baby entirely and have a career.

After the age of thirtyfive, female fertility declines sharply, and the chances of having a healthy baby also wane.

What is more, as more women enter the work place they encounter the same suppression of the libido that men have traditionally suffered due to stress, long hours and employer's expectations.

The irony is that in promoting sex education and birth control we seem to have entered a world where teenagers clumsily experiment far earlier than previous generations. The result of this cack-handedness is the highest teenage pregnancy rate in Europe.

Couple this with the fact that most abortions are to women in their twenties and thirties and we are looking at a generation raised by those who have neither maturity nor financial support.

Teenage mothers are not the bane of our society, they are its future, and it is about time they were treated with respect.

The older generation will, however, still not be able to rely on their young -uns to take up the yoke and support them.

Teenage pregnancy will not bolster the birth rate to that extent. Just when you thought you could sit back and relax at the idea that teenagers everywhere would be going at it like rabbits, Yvette Cooper the public health minister says "we may be starting to see a reduction in teenage pregnancies" Somewhat in contradiction to evidence about the ‘Nanny state’, the population of Britain is actually rising rapidly. But it's not due to natural causes.

The new inhabitants of this country do not owe their residency to summer lovin'', nor to New Year celebrations, but to the Immigration office.

Population growth is due to immigration alone.

clearer by a member of Goodricke JCR who did not wish to be named.

"Cheese events generally cost less to run because we can use in house DJs, unlike many alternative events. This never used to be a problem but the price of staging an event has risen dramatically, to the point were it is almost impossible to break even unless an event sells out".

The price rise was attributed to the SU hike in technical event equipment prices.

The JCR insider claimed, "the ents. committee has invested heavily in new equipment, most of which is unnecessarily extravagant for campus events, because of this they have had to raise prices to cover their overheads.

“We have also had problems with the technical workers who set up and dismantle the equipment for events, demanding lavish meals and taking inordinately long in order to earn overtime payments.

“We still use them because the price they offer is considerably lower than we would get from an outside contractor. They must however realise that they need to deliver an important service to students.

“Unless they behave and price reasonably, holding any event at all in future will be extremely difficult."

18/06/02 YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE 21

Thu-Anh Mac talks to London photographer Paul Gadd, 33, who reveals the ins and outs of the industry.

Fashion through a lens H

e’s covered the catwalks of London, Paris and Milan, and has worked on shows like Christian Dior, Alberta Ferretti and Alexander Mc-Queen.

Paul has to admit there are some great benefits to the job, such as eyeing up all those gorgeous babes on the catwalk.

“I did get to meet Jodie Kidd and Helena Christensen backstage and got chatting with them.,” he says. “They were both really sweet.”

Yet the reality behind the fashion world is nowhere near as glamorous as the pictures: “it’s actually a really tough grind,” Paul claims.

“To anyone out there thinking about taking it up I would say don’t! Don’t expect to get much sleep during these crazy, hectic weeks.

“Expect to get up around seven in the morning and not finish until past midnight. I didn’t use to finish until two in the morning.”

Likewise don’t expect to start making loadsadosh straightaway.

You can expect to start at around £13,000, later hopefully leading to between £40-60,000 if you’re working for a national newspaper.

Working in London is essential if you want to crack it as a fashion photographer, although the competition is intense.

Paul stresses “the industry is very unstable and there are no real guaranteed earnings.”

“I would estimate that there are possibly as many as twenty thousand photographers in the capital all trying to make a living, be that in the commercial, fashion

“I did get to meet Jodie Kidd and Helena Christensen backstage. They’re both really sweet.”

W

SNAPPED: One of Paul’s fashion shots

PORE BOY

Leisa Barnett gets to grips with the alien concept of travelling light

man auty of e b e h t Is Adam n deep? only ski e ishes th Hadley d dirt

e all want a man who looks good and doesn't smell.

I wouldn't want to undermine your much-prized masculinity, even if you have spent all afternoon playing rugby with your head up a guy's arse.

Nobody's forcing you to cleanse, tone and moisturise.

I'm simply asking that you don't let your skin look like it's ensuring the continuation of the black death.

Firstly, wash your face daily. Something like Johnson's Daily Facial Wash is cheap, effective and doesn't smell girly.

Secondly, chill-out; stressing causes acne. If you smoke or are prone to spots, it is worth toning, unless you model your look on Thora Hird.

Toners are relatively cheap and tighten the skin, making pores smaller and skin look smoother. Both Boots and Superdrug do their own brand for about £1.50.

On the spots front, promise you won't squeeze! Squeezing will only make them worse, spreading the germs and rupturing the skin.

If you think oxy pads are too fussy, it's acceptable to hibernate. But, like us all, you'll

either,” says Paul.

“Sometimes you do it for free or you might get twenty pounds for the whole day.”

Starting up as a photographer is an expensive business. You have to be prepared to get into debt at first with a view to recouping your costs later.

“When you get more established you can hire more expensive equipment, but in the long run it’s better to have your own,” he notes.

Hiring a studio in London can likewise cost a small fortune, ranging from £115 for half a day to £1,000 for a full day at one of the best.

Buying a studio in London is impossible, he points out, as everything is leased unless you can ‘somehow’ build your own.

Expensive cameras are not necessarily better when it comes to getting the right photo, although Paul concedes “it does depend what you want to use it for.”

In the fashion world, the better cameras are usually the more expensive.

“I use the Mamiya RZ67 model but for documentary-style photography. A lot of people use Nikon or Leica, although whatever 35mm you have will usually do just as well.”

Preparation is vital in order to get a good spot and getting that picture.

Paul explains: “ To get your ‘slot’ at the end of the catwalk, you have to arrive early on the first day of the season and mark with gaffer tape your ‘spot.’

Ideally your assistant will manage to stake a good spot where you can get a good view of the catwalk.”

And better pictures, of course, means more money in the bag.

or documentary field.”

Paul recommends that budding photographers try other markets, possibly abroad.

“I’m actually thinking about moving over to Malaysia in the next few months, which is shortly in the process of launching its first Elle magazine.

“Whilst Malaysia’s hardly the fashion capital, I think the work will be a lot more stable over there.”

After completing a degree in Photography at the Swansea Institute, Paul got his big break when he came second in the Catwalk Photographer of the Year Competition.

After working as an assistant to the famous catwalk photographer Chris Moore, he decided to branch out on his own.

Assisting is a key aspect to becoming a successful photographer. “It’s an essential way to learn the trade and make important contacts,” he says.

And if it’s quick bucks you’re after, forget it. “Don’t expect to always get paid for assisting

have to come out one day.

Let's move onto the body.

First you’ll need a quick scrub — a product with sand, salt or grains will exfoliate, which means it gets rid of your dead skin.

There are also more masculine scents on the market: you can rely on The Body Shop and Lush for nut shell or oat concoctions. This done, you will look polished, clean and fit under the lighting at The Gallery.

Once the dead skin's gone, moisturise the body. Something like Vaseline's Intensive Care moisturiser or Johnson's PH 5:5 is less likely to cause irritation as they're unscented.

If you can't be fussed moisturising, replacing shower gel with shower crème will work to your advantage.

Remember, not many people want to shag a man with flapjack skin. Don't think I'm being harsh but so many of you are clueless. Trust me, I've had a man with good skin, and a few with bad, and it really does make a difference.

Looking after your skin doesn't take much time or effort, so come on — sometimes it's good with the lights on.

Vanity Case O

ff backpacking this summer?

Lucky you. I took my ‘summer holiday’ a few weeks ago — a stay with a friend in London for five days. I took six pairs of shoes, and managed to wear every one.

The scary fact is, I’m not alone at being an appalling packer. Did you see the Big Brother housemates packing a knapsack before the basketball task? Even that caused a few dilemmas, and they only had to move to the other side of the house.

If you are off to the other side of the world, a backpack will be exactly the same size as that knapsack.

Don’t do a Jade and pack two bikinis over a comfy jumper. The key is to think practically.

You’re going to need some very comfortable walking shoes; there’s no point in trekking out for the long haul if you can’t take your mind off your blisters. And, though it pains me to say this, keep your wardrobe to a minimum. Less is definitely more when you’ve got no one to carry it for you.

Choose things that roll up small, like shorts, vests, t-shirts, and one pair of jeans max. You might also consider taking one ‘smart’ look, especially if you’re thinking of looking for work.

Don’t dismiss climate change — even hot places cool down at night and anywhere is prone to a downpour,

so take a fleece and a raincoat.

On the other side of this, swimwear is a must and a sarong is a fantastic multi-functioner for us ladies. There’s no need to worry about a towel taking up loads of room either, because there are some great sports ones around that really fold down. Look around and it’s amazing what you’ll find. There’s quite an industry for this sort of thing.

It’s important not to look at your trip through rose-tinted glasses.

Remember your penknife, and a well-stocked first aid kit: plasters, antihistamines, painkillers, sunscreen, Immodium, Vaseline, insect repellents and water purifying tablets are all must-haves.

Your sleeping bag, as well, must be a well-considered investment.

There are different types for different temperature climes, so make sure you do your research properly.

Don’t do a Jade and pack two bikinis over a comfy jumper

Forget the exhaustion you feel getting to bed at 4am after finishing that essay; you’re going to really learn what it’s like to need a good night’s rest.

The main thing is to ensure you’re safe at all times. A credit card, money belt and, if at all possible, a tri-band phone will make all the difference for your peace of mind.

Get to know a bit about your destination with a Lonely Planet guide. It’s also a good idea, if you are seeking employment, to register with an agency as a point of contact.

Planning is essential, but I don’t mean to be overemphatic. Don’t go too crazy over the details and forget the big picture. There are plenty of things — such as hats, sunglasses and water bottles — that you can get abroad. Buying them will be part of the experience.

Ultimately, your backpack is your best mate while you’re on the move, and you should respect it as such.

Just don’t forget to squeeze in that one teensy pair of darling mules — you’ll never pull a handsome foreigner if you look like a reject from Wish You Were Here.

22 FOOD & DRINK

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Ed Fotheringham eats as many prawn sandwiches as he can keep down

The upper crust T

he man who invented the sandwich, known to his friends as ‘Jimmy Twitcher’, was a notorious gambler.

To satisfy his hunger during long matches, he would order slices of meat between two pieces of bread. In 1762, this became known as the ‘sandwich’.

It wasn’t introduced to America until 1827 by Elizabeth Leslie, in her cookbook suggesting how to make a ham sandwich.

One of the reasons to be at York, though not advertised in the prospectus, is the tasty lunchtime snacks on offer.

First some general observations, beginning with the five minute walk to Brown’s.

The joy of visiting this holy grail is the sandwich counter.

Brown’s has the the widest choice catering for every need, although you have to get there early — otherwise you’ll get left with a Turkey and Cream cheese a combination hated by all sane people.

At other times, you can be looking forward to your favourite Lamb and Mint sauce filler only to find it’s been replaced with Tandoori chicken Even so, you cannot doubt that the sandwiches are good. The rest of the shop might be overpriced, but we can forgive the Brown family. They are the saviour of lunchtime.

Moving on, I went to visit the ladies of Deli France in their bunker in Goodricke dining room, from where they direct their huge campus operation.

With Deli France, the clientele is different. Gone are the postgrads, and in come the lazy but

Sandwich  An area the size of Wales would be covered if you collected all the sandwich boxes used in one day  Crusts really do make your hair curly and can increase your sex drive, scientists in York claim  Random drugs tests have been implemented in the US after a poppy seed overdose.

A member of staff was accused of being an opium junkie after an excess of the dangerous bread topping  The most popular filling in the UK is ham — 12,256 pigs are killed each day to keep up with demand  Ham is closely followed by cheese, with an estimated 463 people employed to cut cheese into slices in Yorkshire alone  The UK sandwich industry annually exports 56,050 tonnes of ready-made fillings to Belgium each year. The UK currently leads the European sandwich market

GOODRICKE: Sandwiches made to order

discerning students.

The queue cannot rival Brown’s but it is more of a rabble, and the staff make the sandwiches to order so they should never run out.

Luckily, the people behind Deli France remember that we’re all students and don’t charge astronomically for their sandwiches.

Although their turkey, grape, and taragon melee could have been regurgitated by any growing veal calf and contains ‘plastic’ meat, the majority are a great bargain.

Lastly to Market Square. The source of eternal hatred for their pricing policies, Costcutter do a fine trade at lunchtime.

I’d rather have a dairylea lunchbox than most of the costcutter sandwiches — it is a haven of plastic meat , limp bread and the stingiest fillings. They’re not wildly overpriced but just inedible.

To actually add a little empirical data behind all of these wild accusations, we did one of our usual taste tests.

Choosing the most dull sandwiches, we pigged ourselves silly on two types to get a comparison: prawn and cheese.

A bit on the fishy side after a day of tasting, Vision’s sarny jury now present their findings.

At Brown’s, the filling was full of chunky, succulent prawns with a good amount of mayonnaise and even a hint of lemon. At £2.20, it was the most expensive but also the best.

The Deli France crew did their name proud with generosity with good looking prawns, but it looked better than it tasted.

Something about the sandwich, probably the baguette itself, left me with an antiseptic taste, as if I had just left the doctor’s surgery.

At this stage I was getting a bit sick of prawns, but persevered. Onto Costcutter, which is best avoided However, it’s not a bad price at £1.80. One definitely to sample again.

Now at this stage I was getting a little tired of prawns, but I persevered.

Onto Costcutter, where I found a scattering of flaccid prawns with gallons of mayonnaise. Although personally a huge fan of mayonnaise with everything, having twelve times the amount of mayo to prawns is slightly over the top.

At £1.90, it’s not the cheapest bunny, and with limp bread and the meanest filling, it’s best avoided.

Moving onto the more interesting arena of cheese sandwiches.

If you try and find a plain cheese sandwich anywhere, you’ll probably fail. I was bombarded with choice.

At Brown’s, we went for the feta cheese, and found the feta over salted and sparingly scattered with even fewer olives.

Brown’s failed to live up to its reputation, though it did have varied choice.

At Deli France, the mozarella baguette stood out from the crowd.

It had good slices of mozzarella with high quality sun dried toms.

The only down point was the sogginess of the roast peppers,

but still thumbs-up at a reasonable £1.80 At Costcutter, plastic cheese came to mind, and it was strangely tasty! Must be the months of living on pasta sauce.

Looking like a child’s vomit, the mayonnaise, spring onion and cheese came up trumps.

At £1.70, a great combination.

Time then to plump for best sandwich on campus.

BROWN’S: Hot helpings

Brown’s is a clear winner in my opinion, but with Deli France a very close second.

They prove that sandwiches, though usually dull and boring, can with a little flair become masterpieces.

So with the tasting over, and with a mouth like Goliath, I called it a day.

I must say that I may have overdone it on the prawns, but they’ve stopped repeating on me now.

18/06/02 YORK VISION The premiere of Hound of the Baskervilles

VISION REVIEWS

MUSIC 23

Rape, kidnap and insanity Our Top five in Death of a Maiden fictional bastards

p28

p30

p32

Reasons to be cheerful Simon Keal takes his final bow with Top 10 album band Hundred Reasons answering his questions on the current metal trend, the wait for the album and surprising their record label.

D

espite their swift and seemingly inexorable rise to prominence recently, you can’t help but feel a bit sorry for Hundred Reasons. Despite its relative chart success, their Emo-tinged rock struggles to make an impression among the Woolworth’s-frequenting wider public, who’re still sadly drowning amidst a sea of rudimentary child-pleasing metal. The mediocrity onslaught isn’t all the US’ fault, either; the offensively unremarkable likes of the Lost Prophets are, as we speak, clogging up the charts much in the same way that discarded copies of ‘Nouse’ clog up the University campus.

Still, such widespread manifestations of public deafness do at least ensure that HR stand out as something approaching the ‘real thing’, both their early EPs and their recent album demonstrating a knack for melody and dynamics that serve them well. That and their crazy haircuts, of course. ‘Vision’ spoke to guitarist Larry Hibbitt and drummer Andy Bews.

We’ve had to wait several

hundred years for your album to turn up. Why the prevarication?

“Well, we just did it at the pace we would have done if we hadn’t had the coverage,” says Larry. “We waited until we felt ready and confident to actually record the album. We sort of based everything on playing live as much as possible and building up a following. I think we were quite glad to avoid the hype that some bands get they can basically be ruined by it. We had a lot of press in NME and Kerrang and stuff, but it was the constant touring I think that got us in this position.”

How do Hundred Reasons feel about the current upsurge in straight-ahead hard rock?

“We know quite a lot of the bands who’re doing well, but I think everyone is playing different styles of music really,” says Larry. “We all come from different places and have different styles, so I suppose you could say there are contemporaries but we don’t consider ourselves part of a ‘scene’ as such.”

Although hardly avantgarde, Hundred Reasons’

music defies the kind of easy influence-citing that makes journalists’ jobs easier. This could be explained in two ways; either they’re gifted enough to produce music without obvious precedent, or they’re stealing from obscure sources.

“Well, we try and make it as difficult as possible for people to compare us with other bands,” says Andy. “All five of us come from completely different musical backgrounds, so when we came together everyone was bringing their own knowledge and influences to the band. I’d like to think that our album shows a bit of everything from where we’ve come from - it’s got some ballads on it, some punky hardcore stuff, so I think our ideas shine through on it.”

A recent music weekly cover feature saw Hundred Reasons doing a free tour of Sweden. Are they happy to be plying their wares for little reward in countries where they’re unheard of?

“Well, we’ve done a lot of festivals in Europe, and a few support tours with Rival

“We played in Europe...there were seven people there!”

Schools and people like that,” says Larry. “I suppose we’re starting on a slightly higher level, because the coverage we’ve had here has kind of filtered over there. I think we’ll find out when we tour other countries properly.”

Andy recalls a particularly memorable occasion: “Actually, there was one place we played in Europe a while back where there were seven people there! Literally seven people. You hear these big bands talking about the days when the audience was in single-figures, and you don’t really believe it, but it’s true in our case... we still had a good time though. And then the next night, we were playing to four hundred people. I don’t understand it really.”

HR’s most impressive achievement has surely been their early ascent into the UK top twenty - not once, but twice, with ‘If I Could’ and ‘Silver’. Were they expecting that kind of immediate success?

“It wasn’t supposed to go in that high, actually,” replies Larry. “I think the record company wanted it to go top forty, but that’s as high as they were expecting. It was a good surprise to have, though.”

Perhaps the chief reason for their rise to prominence is the accomplishment of their sound - a real progression from the early EPs, which exhilarating though they were were essentially At The DriveIn covers.

“We’re writing all kinds of different stuff, so I don’t think we’ve reached a plateau at all,” says Larry. “We’re already writing the second album now, in fact.”

Andy continues, “We do write a hell of a lot of songs together as a band. Every time we write a song it’s completely different. It’s quite good to be in a band like that, I think - I wouldn’t want to be in a band where the songs are just the same all the time.”

The other reason for Hundred Reasons’ success, of

course, is their burgeoning live reputation - someone was recently quoted in the NME calling them, “the best live band I’ve ever seen,”. Do HR see themselves as a live band first and foremost?

“I think playing live is pretty much the best feeling on earth,” Andy enthuses. “When you’re on stage and people are jumping around to a song you’ve written, it’s pretty amazing. But obviously we’re in a band ‘cos we like writing songs together, and we think we’re good at it. So I think it’s a bit of both really.”

Larry concurs. “Playing live is much better than sitting in a recording studio all day. We were in there solidly for about 39 days, and it wasn’t pleasant after a while. Although I suppose 39 days isn’t too bad compared to some bands, who take 20 years or however long to record their albums...”

HR, then: playing highquality rock to a crowd of more than seven people at a theatre near you, and showing up the filmsiness of their rock peers in the process. Only their hair can stop them now.

24 MUSIC

18/06/02 YORK VISION

The Strokes being given a kicking at closing time in East London and their bodies being spat on. And then a pop tune built out of the smouldering remains.

However, our old mucker Pete has been quoted as saying that he’s fed up with the mindless bloody violence that accompanies his solos. But Pete, we want mindless bloody violence.

“No, no, no,” Pete decries at hearing the quote out of context. “We were playing a residency in London and just at this one song these two brothers would start kicking off each night. They were fighting us, each other, the walls… ghosts, anyone.”

Pete grins at these fond memories but not when I ask him if this means that their music rouses people to violence and rebellion.

“There’s been a lot of violence directed at us,” mumbles the often beaten Pete (I’m guessing there readers, but I reckon I could have him).

“In Wolverhampton a bloke head butted me for no other reason than I was wearing nail varnish, which I thought was a bit harsh…but understandable.

This fellow tapped me on the shoulder and I thought he was gonna’ shake my hand and say ‘Nice gig’ but he butted me in the face.”

Yeah, but Pete, he’d probably heard the same rumour I did that you’d played a gig in an old peoples’ home, meaning that you weren’t the hardest rockers in town like, say, The Osmonds.

“Our old drummer used to have a friend who worked in an old peoples’ home and he asked if we could go and play for them. So we did all the old musical numbers. It was really amazing. A woman

Libertines X

James Kelly chats to The Libertines about causing violence, being head butted and starting the geriatric genocide..

L

oud, brash and arrogant.

Just what you’d expect from the band labelled Britain’s answer to The Strokes.

Or at least that’s what you should expect. Pete Doherty, singer and guitarist in the much-hyped Libertines, is barely audible. He’s even startled when a rumbling noise passes overhead until I calm him by

I

’m sitting in the Sheffield Leadmill and I’m listening to the band sound check before tonight’s gig. It strikes me just how professional these guys are, but they look like five lads jamming together, not just in their manner but their appearance as well.

Lead singer, Chris Conley is the kid-next-door type, with scruffy blonde hair and an impish face; he’s the youngest of the group. The rest of the guys are all-American high-schoolboy looking, longish hair with a slight grubbiness about them.

We retire to the tour bus to have a chat about music, New York and British historical architecture!

“I don’t really like the first album...it sounds a bit immature.”

They’ve already played two gigs in Manchester and Glasgow. On top of that, there had been round after round of interviews for Radio 1 and the British music press. I asked how they were being received over here.

“The music press is important to any band. We’re trying to make it in the UK so it’s nice to have them on our side” Having said this, the release of their debut album, ‘Say What You Are’ in Britain (their third album release in America) has sold just over 9000 copies since earlier this year compared to 150,000 copies in America.

In the more relaxed atmosphere away from the venue, the band is sitting around playing computer games.

Dave

explaining it was a train. Calling Pete Doherty loud would be the biggest over-judgement since Judas Iscariot won best disciple prize AD31. If you’re ‘sposed to be Britain’s answer to The Strokes, it’s all looking a bit iffy.

“Really, I thought The Strokes were England’s answer anyway,” replies a confident Pete, showing signs

Soloway, the lead guitarist with the band is telling me about his tastes in music. He likes The Smiths.

“An ex-girlfriend has a bit of an obsession about them, which kinda got me into them as well. And I’ve been listening to The Verve and Richard Ashcroft; that guy knows how to write lyrics!”

Dave wasn’t part of the original line-up of Saves The Day when they were signed five years ago. It would appear that he’s glad of that fact.

“I don’t really like the first album. I know I wasn’t in the band but I think it sounds a bit immature. The sound is so much better now. We’ve got a better vibe going on.”

Chris doesn’t say much about the change in line-up over the years but expresses his worries about the band still not having a regular drummer.

They tour with Green Day and Blink 182 across the USA in the summer and are planning to come back to Britain for The Carling Weekend in August.

“If you don’t have a good rhythm section, y’ screwed, basically!”

A view echoed by the rest of the band. Conversation drifts to Chris’s upbringing in New Jersey. He started to learn the Cello from a young age, but by his early teens he had swapped it for an acoustic guitar.

“Sitting down with a book of music and practicing for hours everyday just wasn’t making sense. Don’t get me wrong, I’m really not that lazy, but I could feel this was the wrong instrument for me and music’s all about feeling”.

Having spent a year in New York in his early high school days he became increasingly aware of how society, and in

of life. “The Strokes aren’t really that big in the US; they made it here before anywhere.

So they’re a more English band than us at the moment. There’s no pressure – we’re just getting on with it.”

Ah, I hear you’re a Londoner Pete and not sounding too dissimilar to Paul Weller, whilst your rather fantastic sin-

gle sounds like prime-cut Jam if they appeared now. So my son, my son, do you think it’s fair to liken you to The Jam? “I think it’s flattering and a surprise,” declares a Pete gradually increasing in decibels until he is now as audible as a French football fan in the Far East. “It’s made me listen to them a lot closer than I ever did before. We’re not part of this punk revival; all the best punk bands were pop bands anyway. The Ramones, The Sex Pistols – all pop.”

And a very good point that is too because at their heart, The Libertines are a pop band. During the gig, they are electric. It’s the sound of

Savour the ’Day

Jen Seviter discusses British architecture, dodgy first albums and impressing the music press with Saves The Day. particular, New York was affecting him. He started to put his energies into writing lyrics for his newly formed band.

“New York is a place that I wouldn’t want to live all the time.

Its too impersonal.

Everyone is anonymous and I didn’t like that. Where I come from, in New Jersey, everybody knows everybody else’s business. That’s not always a good

thing, I know, but there’s a real sense of community where I come from”.

Before the gigs, Chris managed to take a look around the places they were playing.

“They seem like such nice places to live. The station down the street is really historic, I like places with a lot of history”.

He was talking about

Sheffield Railway Station of all places! Still, when you live in a town like Sheffield, who would notice an old building.

“Its not ‘til you take a look around New York that you realise, there are very few old buildings. Everything’s skyscrapers and streets”.

Back to music, and I finally asked him where he saw the band in five years time.

“...we played a few of our own songs and that’s when she copped it.”

died during the show actually.

These were old, old people and we played a few of our own songs and that’s when she copped it. They loved it. Some woman kept shouting out (Pete does an old London hag voice ala Barbara Windsor) ‘I saw you at the Palladium in 1949. You haven’t aged at all’.”

Uhhh, okay Pete. Sounds like really good fun apart from you’re a granny killer.

Actually, talking of old people, didn’t former Suede fop Bernard Butler produce the single?

“We had demos and just sent them to a load of producers,” explains the man behind the geriatric genocide.

“So we had a list of those interested and a lot of them had done work with bands we liked.

But we didn’t want to go down that road. Bernard Butler though; he was the one person whose work we didn’t know well. We knew nothing about Suede but respected him because of this presence he had and because he was a great guitarist.”

Still, I decide now is the time to leave the room before I become Pete’s next victim ‘cos he, like, kills old women with his superb modern day Jam sound that actually for once lives up to the hype.

Everyone should be listening to your music Pete ‘cos you’re clearly a lot harder than we think. And anyway, that old woman was only going to be a drain on resources and smell of

“I just want to be making music with these guys, y’know?

That’s what I’m about. I don’t think I could do anything else.

It’s easier than a real job”.

The conversation soon deteriorates into a tangle of jibes at each other. I realise that these five lads, barely two years older than myself, are standing on the edge of greatness. The success of bands like Jimmy Eat World is just the tip of the iceberg as far as the American emo invasion is concerned. They’ve got the same dedication it takes to survive and the savvy to produce songs that are fresh and full of energy.

18/06/02 YORK VISION

LIVE REVIEWS

GIGS Isobel Todd 22nd June: Pulp (+Clinic, Mains Ignition, Richard Hawley, the Coral.) Pickering Dalby Forest (01842814612) Apparently this Dalby Forest joint is somewhere in North Yorkshire, and may even be within miles of a station. The list of support is long enough to justify the trip, yet short enough not to imply the presence of a few hundred burger vans. This should be the ultimate way to enjoy Pulp's new material: foliage and frottage.

23rd June: The Lollies (+Loophole, Bruise.) Fibbers (01904 651250) At the dawn of '99 two women woke up in London with terrible hangovers. Slightly more remarkably, they found they'd written a song; and thus, The Lollies were born. Combining sassy vocals and cutting lyrics with sugary guitar pop, they've since taken over from where Kenickie fucked off.

Mull Historical Society

S Queen’s Jubilee Concert Buckingham Palace (3rd June 2002)

A

s the C-list monarchs rolled into the palace grounds, I gestured to my mother that we’d better take up our seats, and we did. Waiting for the main concert was painful, with a particularly bad showing from toddlers S-Club Juniors. Preceding it were acts such as the cast of ‘Mamma Mia’ and breaks outfit Bounce, which were simply OK. It was a rather surreal experience when Brian May played his guitar solo of ‘God Save The Queen’ on the palace roof. He was actually quite impressive, and far more absorbing than top pop acts Mysteeq and The 27th June: The Vines Leeds Corrs.

Joe Cockpit (0113 244 3446) Cocker stood out on ‘With a Little The best new band to sound Help’, along with Bryan Adams’s like Nirvana since Nirvana. acoustic version of ‘Everything I Do’.

They're powerful on record- 95 Brian Wilson, visibly affected by his debilitating illness, managed to woo second single Highly Evolved the crowd with ‘Good Vibrations’. broke the Top 40 this Spring, Performing an acoustic ‘Blackbird’, boding well for the release of their debut LP next month. And Paul McCartney visibly choked under the spectacle. He seemed ill at ease, they're even stronger live- if and his duet with Eric Clapton on they hate touring it's only ‘While My Guitar Gently Weeps’ – a because it's, like, so emotional- tribute to George Harrison – was quite ly draining. Right now the only a tedious affair. thing between The Vines and Having said that, Clapton’s ‘Layla’ was played with real flair and retained stardom is the fact that singer it’s timeless-classic status. Ozzy Craig is a depressive hermit although in the world of market- Osbourne, the self-proclaimed ing this seems to stand in their Antichrist, provided the most amusing moment of the evening when he favour. It's the ultimate hard refused to look the Queen in the eye sell: see The Vines before the after she came on stage. singer kills himself.

(Jonathon Beaufort-Jones)

27th June: The Jeevas feat.

Chrispian Mills Fibbers (01904 651250) The Prince Philip of the music world makes his solo return, which hopefully won't involve decking out Fibbers in a giant swastika. Back in '96, when his band Kula Shaker had two major hits with Sanskrit vocals, Chrispian was hailed as something of a pop visionary. The fact that he took his first tab whilst sitting in his bedroom, staring at a Beatles poster, gives some idea of the extent of his vision. His latest project has received zero publicity, but it's likely to involve sitars and stripy trousers.

10th July: Move: David Bowie, Suede, The Divine Comedy (+ Electric Soft Parade, The Real People.) Manc. Ol Trafford Ground. (0161 8321111) Another chance to indulge in some arch foppery following the rapid ticket sales of the 3 headliners' Meltdown dates, and one very good reason to stay on and "use the library." We could be cynical. We could accuse Neil Hannon of being a smarmy short arse in a suit, point out that Suede's forthcoming album is called 'A New Morning', and note a certain slackening of Bowie's back side. But it's the exam season, and we need something to believe in- even if it is just the enduring power of a good haircut..

MUSIC 25

DJ Dhadow

D

Manchester Academy, (18th May 2002)

J Shadow is the luckiest man in rock’n’roll. Here is a man who, in 1996, created an hour of music that captured a moment, and a staggering 6 years on he is still worshipped for it. However, since then it has become increasingly noticeable that Shadow’s unbelievably accomplished debut was little more than a fantastically lucky accident: “Endtroducing” was the sound of a million buttons pressed just at the right time.

It was cut to absolute perfection, an epitome of that one time where absolutely everything clicks. It was unrepeatable. Subsequent collaborations with UNKLE and Quannum hinted at the standard he set in “Endtroducing”, but it seems that the “musical genius” that is Shadow can’t seem to repeat that wonder-goal that propelled him to glo-

Moldy Peaches

Sheffield Leadmill (15 June 2002)

Leeds Cockpit (30th May 2002)

cottish indie band Mull Historical Society are one of the more hotly tipped new acts of recent years.

They are generally lumped in with the ‘New Acoustic Movement’, but have a far more interesting and adventurous sound than the likes of Coldplay, with layers of keyboards, effects, distorted vocals and even bicycle bells. They certainly have the tunes as well, as on impressive single ‘Watching Xanadu’.

Their performance here tonight, though, was somewhat disappointing.

The main problem was singer Colin MacIntyre’s voice, some problem considering he is by far the dominant force in the band. It has a sandpaper edge to it that it only really loses when he hits the high notes, which sits badly with the music’s strong melodies and sensitive lyrics.

They are not the most engaging live act either, and there is certainly a good deal of Belle and Sebastian-style tweeness about them, which some people might like . The band gives a mainly static performance, to a crowd the majority of whom appear to be over forty years old.

Only in the last song, ‘Mull Historical Society’, do they really develop any stage presence, with Colin stalking the front of the stage and bizarrely named keyboardist Sheepy seemingly trying to destroy his instrument. The band certainly seem like they would sound better on record, and perhaps the poor vocals were down to it being the last date of the tour. Still, they did not put their usually obvious talent across very well.

(Bob Catterill)

bal fame as a young striker.

With this in mind, the thought that Shadow is attempting to recreate his back-catalogue live and unaided is something to relish. Tonight, there’s a feeling in the crowd that we could be about to witness something incredibly special, but half an hour into the set, it’s clear that his performance is going to be good, but not great. The set is just as danceable as anything you’ll hear in a good club, and as darkly epic as his debut LP, but, for the most part, that is it.

There are glimpses of flair – notably a brilliant attempt to recreate “Organ Donor” by scratching two decks at different speeds – but these either go horribly wrong, or are so brief that you only realise the wonderful invention of it after he’s finished. Indeed, there are frustrations throughout the set: all the vocals are pre-recorded, giving a distinctly non-live air to the performance, and throughout the gig, an unoccupied drum kit sits stage-left, and is used only once, providing the highlight of the show, for five minutes.

However, his obvious talent for pleasing a crowd and his considerable scratching skills are a joy to behold, and demonstrated with aplomb. The rousing finish of “High Noon” is as good as anything you’ll get at a more conventional live performance, and his interpretation of “Napalm Brain/Scatter Brain” is a genuinely inventive take on the pulsating original.

However, tonight there’s just something missing – the once-great striker is hitting the post where before he would have nonchalantly slotted it in the net.

Shadow remains a musician of the highest standard, and his live show sparkles, but it seems his one time Midas touch is now making fool’s gold.

(Sam Walton)

M Warp Magic Bus Tour

A

NY Sushi, Sheffield Ski Village (2nd June 2002)

s far as I’m concerned, Warp have been the best record label in Britain for about ten years now, so their first collective tour of the UK hardly comes before time. Adopting a similar format to a certain children’s television show, except with marginally more electronica than I can remember being involved, the Magic Bus made its stop in Sheffield this month courtesy of NY Sushi’s Big Bang event.

The usual Hip-Hop and Drum’n’Bass was on offer, and Warp set up shop alongside with combination of live performances and DJ sets.

Plaid’s unique fusion of kitsch and melancholy has always sounded bewitching on record, if a little lightweight of late, but live they layered their melodies over some seriously beefed-up beats to effectively satisfy the dancers as well as the expected head-nodding contingent.

Devine kept things moving with some of the most intimidatingly complex rhythms since the last Autechre album before breaking things down into glorious speaker-shredding noise that presumably made a few MC Wildflower fans think twice about walking through for those drinks.

Luke Vibert has as much experience as any of his contemporaries, and his quirky funk was never going to be a disappointment; recent signing Chris Clark had more to prove, but pulled it off with a generous handful of old favourites. DJ Hype was pretty great in the other tent, too. A universally fun and, what’s more, impeccably organised night.

(Robin Howells)

Fischerspooner

T

The Bridge, London, (31st May 2002)

he pop concert has always been, on some level, a promotional device; presumably the thought running round the greedy head of the average record company executive is that every great night out equals another £13.99 spent on an album (minus the quite crippling costs of the plastic, of course).

But for Fischerspooner’s two-night run at The Bridge, I don’t even get to take a friend along because there’s already so much press there. Presumably the idea is that coverage will reach out to people far better than actual attendance of the extremely small-scale gigs ever will.

The first striking thing about the performance is that seeing as no one’s here to witness live musicianship (this bearing as little relation to the album as any sort of advertising), Casey Spooner quite openly requests that his unseen partner Warren Fischer initiate proceedings by “pressing play on the CD”. Of course he could have been joking, but whether there’s a CD, a DAT or even a laptop offstage, it amounts to the same thing: what we hear is precisely what you’ll get at home. I’m not even sure if the vocals were live or not.

And so commences what is effec-

oldy Peaches songs meander all over the musical map, from hiphop to metal, from power pop to acoustic folk, and their lyrics express the delusional ravings of scatologically obsessed, sex-crazed stoners.

But who can resist a band that rhymes “peenie” with “vageenie”?

The set was a sugary-cerealand-Jolt-cola-powered bonanza of popcult references, silly dances and tripped-out sex dreams. And the primary Peaches — yowlers Kimya Dawson and Adam Green — pulled no punches playing off their boy-girl dynamic.

They play simple, fun, wacky and catchy songs. They aren’t usually deep in thought, and are often vulgar, but that’s what makes them so fun.

They play catchy tunes that are often absurd and sloppy in delivery, but you just can’t help but love them.

Throughout the night, the Peaches sped up, slowed down, then sped back up again, keeping your ears on their toes.

During ‘Lucky Number Nine’ covocalist Kimya decided that there’s no crowd participation like actual crowd members singing along with the song, so she made her way into the crowd to find people to help her out on the mic.

She sang almost the entire song from the floor, allowing fans to sing along with her and Adam. What a gal.

It’s this sort of spontaneity, along with the wacky outfits and musical style that makes the Moldy Peaches a absolute must-see live. Not to mention the fact that they’re pretty damn good musicians too.

(Tom Smithard)

tively a modern cancan; of course it’s (fortunately) far too trashy to be ballet.

Fischerspooner’s upbeat moments make excellent club material, but as a means of enjoying the show, dancing comes a pretty poor second to standing and gawping.

The legendary status of the duo’s New York shows mean I can’t help feeling the programme has been toned down a bit for these dates, but the sight of Spooner leading a lavish troupe of Marge Simpson look-a-likes in whalebone dresses conforms pretty well to my idea of entertainment.

The rapport he creates with the audience is also rather special: at one point, he crowd-surfs the entire distance to the rear of the venue and is borne all the way back again just in time to scramble onstage and stylishly leave the question of whether he’s miming unanswered.

Those who find camp performers extremely tedious may not initially want to warm to Spooner, but he effectively side-steps such cheapness with the same sort of glamour as exhibited by, say, a young Lou Reed.

More importantly, he’s backed up by what will prove to be some of the most memorable music to emerge from this year’s whole Electro-pop fad.

(Robin Howells)

26 MUSIC

ALBUMS

Wilt

I

Paul Oakenfold

P

Bunkka (24th June)

robably now established as the world’s leading DJ, the man behind Perfecto records finally produces something he can call his own. Infused with an eclectic mix that would please any ’wannabe’ teenage junkie, ‘Bunkka’ succeeds at what it sets out to do. ’Ready Steady Go’, with the vocals of So Solid’s Asher D, starts the album at a frantic pace with a stop-start rhythm that leaves the listener a little impatient. Oakenfold has no doubt turned to the Swordfish soundtrack for inspiration on this one.

As with so many dance artist compilations, the so-called standout track ’Southern Sun’ is eclipsed by a less vibrant chill-out, ’Hypnotised’. Tiff Lacey delivers a soothing sound reminiscent of Sarah Mclachlan, the tempo being steady and entrancing like ’Silence’. Although over-shadowed, ’Southern Sun’ is still a quality record, supported by uplifting synths and experimental riffs.

Another young vocalist to shine is Emiliana Torrini; think a mix between Bjork and Tori Amos. Her eerie ’Hold Your Hand’ seems to strike a good balance between pleasant poignancy and anger-infused bitterness.

Following this track is a highly infectious cheesy rap that could prove to be a popular summer anthem with adolescents. ’Starry-eyed Suprise’ has such a simple, harmless riff that you’ll be unable to get it out of your head...

It’s certain to be an Ikon favourite.

Ice Cube guests on the somewhat bland track ’Get Em Up’; a gangster ’fuck you too bitch’ style rap that tries too hard to be cool and falls flat on its face.

The album culminates with a dark ballad that sees Nelly Furtado and Tricky dueting. ’The Harder They Come’ is quite catchy and even though Furtado is the most annoying popstar alive, her voice suits the track’s haunting melody. This has all of the potential qualities of a massive hit and Tricky’s vocals, though of short-supply, are effectively harrowing.

As always with dance music, you just have to take this album as it is.

It’s not meant to be a high-octane rollercoaster or a deep, reflective masterpiece. ‘Bunkka’ is a relatively easy-listening record and shouldn’t be compared to Oakenfold’s previous compilations. By releasing this he has definitely widened his horizons. He is no longer to be pidgeon-holed as simply a Trance DJ. (Johnathon Beaufort-Jones)

My Medicine (8th July)

t’s all in the name. Cormac Battle, singer and guitarist of Irish band Wilt and ‘godfather of emo’, has waged a battle against humanity for a while now.

Wilt rose from the smouldering ashes of Kerbdog with Cormac refusing to sign to another major label.

Fair enough considering that he had personal debts of a cool million pounds after the major label he was on shafted him.

At what was reportedly ‘the greatest ever Reading line-up’, they were named the second best act; debut album ‘Bastinado’ saw them hit the big time in their home country and build up a significant fan base over here. Which brings us to the present, where Wilt have come back even better and stronger.

At their core, Wilt remain an emopop-punk-rock-metal band. Quite a combination as I’m sure you will have noticed. Well, they’ve now matured and are sounding like Idlewild would love to. Definite hints of REM ring through with the help of the newly acquired extra guitarist leaving Wilt on the brink of something special.

Songs like ‘Understand’ are perfect in their movement with a summer chorus to die for, whilst new sin-

White Noise (out now)

The D4

6TWENTY (out now)

Riding on the crest of the recent garage punk wave, New Zealanders The D4 are here and ready to lure us in with their debut album 6TWENTY. While the press release boasts of their songs being full of vitality, it is unlikely that you’ll be calling them ‘Your New Favourite Band.’

The D4 deal with music much in the same vein as Jon Spencer Blues Explosion, with nods to Motorhead and RFTC. Well, what’s wrong with that I hear you say? Nothing if you can pull it off, and unfortunately for a full album they can’t.

Although the opening two tracks ‘Rock N Roll Motherfucker’ and ‘Party’ set the scene nicely with their Stooge-y riffs and energetic overtones, the album then begins to merge into a samey up-tempo groove that never really grabs you.

Although towards the end of the album it begins to pick up, with songs such as ‘Rebekah’ that get the adrenaline going, others just chug along while you wait for something to happen.

All in all, ‘6TWENTY’ comes across as a fairly promising debut album. However, it is the absence of this much talked about ‘vitality’ that really lets it down. (Rob Bell)

gle ‘Distortion’ menaces and lurks in a way that any stalker would be proud of. Wilt really do choruses, and I mean really do them. ‘Stations’ and ‘Wait A Minute’ further highlight the melodies that are so clear and show Wilt’s pop sensibilities are well intact. Never have songs about the state of modern man and his world sounded so appealing.

Oh yeah, this may straddle all those mentioned genres, but the lyrics are just as important. For example, ‘My Medicine’ be-cries the agony Cormac is feeling, presumably brought on by modern consumerism, but in a good way, not a Manics, irritating kind of way.

However, there is one criticism of the album. As enjoyable as it is, it doesn’t quite work as a complete.

Although the songs are all different, there remains the feeling of a lack of diversity.

At the same time though, this is the album’s strength. Each song could easily be released as a single, whilst it’s unsettling nature is as appealing as it is menacing.

Overall, the album is a significant progression from what was a very impressive debut. Whether you call them the Irish REM or the dream Idlewild, Wilt will live up to every expectation. Let the Battle continue.

(James Kelly)

Moorcheeba

Alpinestars Two years after their debut, B.A.S.I.C, the Manchester trio return with White Noise. In waiting for the comeback, some maybe sat on the edge of their seats. However, these few are destined to fall off with disappointment. It has some decent moments but the album is filled with a lot of tracks which can only be described as average.

‘Carbon Kid’ is the best song on the album. It’s a track featuring the vocals of the one and only Brian Molko, wailing in his stylish way about whores and crack. I suppose if you can’t get any ladies Brian, drugs and money should bring them round!.

‘Vital Love Discipline’ starts off amazingly too, sounding like a drugged up old granny organist trying to bang out some classic hymns. However, the rest of the song is a big let down and the waste of a stonking riff. This is the story of the whole album: promising starts with good ideas that just haven’t made great songs.

This album differs from B.A.S.I.C in the fact that ten out of the eleven tracks have vocals on begging the question, why change a good thing?

Buy the ‘Carbon Kid’ single and get the album when its cheap; no more than seven quid would be worth it’s average content.

(Ruth Parrott)

Gerling

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Head2Cleaner (22nd July)

Disillusioned with the state of modern indie, I’ve recently made it a policy to buy no music made after 1992. So, while the hip young things are cutting a rug to the boring retro garage rock of The Hives or The Vines, I’m gazing at my shoes in time to the first Ride album and slurring my words in tribute to everyone’s favourite heroininjecting Manc, Shaun Ryder.

Thus, you could imagine my consternation when the music editor forced me to gaze into the future and listen to the new album from sunglasses-wearing Australians, Gerling.

Actually, I needn’t have been worried at all; for Gerling are proffering a 21st century take on that most 1992 of genres, indie-dance. Unfortunately, indie-dance was a rubbish genre (with the honourable exception of the Happy Mondays).

Suffice to say that the awfullytitled ‘Head2Cleaner’ doesn’t change that score, despite the presence of Kylie “no, had enough now, fuck off” Minogue and embarrassing song titles like ‘Phazer Kidz In The Windy City’. One of them wears amusingly large sunglasses, but that’s the sole source of entertainment you’ll find in Gerling. Avoid.

(Simon Keal)

Charango (1st July)

This long awaited release by Morcheeba sees the group return with a very relaxed album. There are subtle lyrics mixed with ambient melodies, which ease the listener into synchrony with their vibe. With poignant lyrics about murdering your wife because she’s too fat (‘Woman Lose Weight’) juxtaposed with the peaceful sentiments of ‘Get Along’, it seems that Morcheeba have mixed the perfect chill-out album. This album is easy listening; you could almost say non-invasive.

But maybe this is where Morcheeba have let us down. Imagine a gathering of friends for drinks and nibbles and you’ve got your background, right here. I guess it depends on what you’re after, but there are too many songs on this album that seem to beg the question, “Haven’t I heard this one already?”

This album simply doesn’t reach out of your stereo and grab you.

Maybe this wasn’t the angle they were going for but I think they’ve gone past the cool factor and have hit lacklustre. There are occasional glimmers of interest in a few of the songs, sometimes enough to make you listen intently for a few minutes, but you can guarantee that you won’t notice the record end.

(Jen Siveter)

SINGLES

James Kelly Oasis - Stop Crying Your Heart Out (out now) It may not be cool to admit it but Oasis are truly back on form.

This is classic, sweeping, epic Oasis and further indicates that the album 'Heathen Chemistry' is going to sound like the true follow-up to Definitely Maybe's rock 'n roll glory. One up the posterior of the 'cool' rich kids in cardigans/ boardo jeans (please delete as appliMuse - Dead Star/In Your World (out now) Double A-side from the new Queen. Look you screeching twat, there was no point in The Sex Pistols existing when you were just going to bring prog-rock back in the new century. A lot of fuss and anguish that's really rather off putting. Oh yeah, and there's some classical piano in there too. Freddie Mercury's 'tache will be spinning on it's heavenly axis. Crap.

The Shining - I Wonder How (out now) Featuring two former members of The Verve this lurks and grooves with a great deal of Northern menace. Equally pleading and stalking, this is tight and eerie. The kind of tune that a Belle and Sebastian song wouldn't want to meet down a dark My Vitriol Moodswings (15th July) My Vitriol return with this double A-side release.

'Moodswings' sees them attempt a more traditional sound but 'The Gentle Art of Choking' is more what you'd expect. Still interesting and worth a listen but continues to miss that something, which leaves tantalizingly close to being very, very good.

Athlete - You Got The Style (out now) Very promising effort from a band that's gradually forcing people to sit up and take notice.

Even pushed its way onto the Radio 1 playlist, which may see their pop take on Pavement and Grandaddy enter the charts. Here's hoping.

Seafood/ Jetplane Landing - Pleasurehead/ What The Argument Has Changed (24th June) Joint EP (must buy) and the contents is superb.

Seafood's 'Pleasurehead' is a gentler moment from their recent album but still shows them to be a vastly underrated band. However, the real gem comes from Jetplane Landing, who rabidly fill the gulf left by At The Drive-In to offer one of the best choruses in recent years.

Prodigy - Baby’s Got A Temper (1st July) Is this what the wait has been for? Admittedly, it’s a grower but is as under whelming as Kings of Convenience on a grey day's hangover. Contains samples from previous tracks but never truly takes off and sounds too forced. Who knows, maybe the now departed Leroy was actually doing something useful instead of dancing like a monkey.

18/06/02 YORK VISION

NEW RELEASES

Monster’s Ball (15) (Marc Foster, 2002, US) Halle Berry, Billy Bob-Thornton.

111 mins

T

he trouble with many films is that, despite a clever plot, great acting, great directing and so on, they are let down simply by bad characterisation.

As a result, I don't often leave the cinema believing in the characters I've seen or the story I've been presented with. Monster's Ball, on the other hand, leaves you under no illusions. This is a story. It's about people.

The run down: Hank (Thornton) and his son, Sonny (Ledger), work on death row, following in the footsteps of Hank's dad (Peter Boyle).

As we all know by now, Hank ends up sleeping with Leticia (Berry) the wife of the man he's recently executed (though neither know it at the time) which, in terms of plot twists, is about as curvy as the road gets. Then again, the plot twist is not (for once) the point of the film.

The film is summed up best by Leticia's husband as he sketches portraits of Hank and Sonny whilst awaiting his last meal: 'Truly, it takes a human being to know a human being'.

His words bring the racial ele-

ment of the film into context. Hank's dad believes 'porch-monkey' to be a valid adjective for kids with black skin whilst his grand-son sees them as a couple of kids. A human being knows a human being when he sees one, regardless of colour.

“The plot-line serves as a vehicle for

whichever lines or images strike a chord with your humanity.”

Importantly, these are characters we can believe in, trying to carve out an existence in a nowhere town. When you combine the cleverly haunting sound track with the immensely appropriate, drifty production, the result is a kind of lucid dreaming atmosphere which makes you feel that you too are in the middle of nowhere.

Unfaithful (15) (Adrian Lyne, 2002, US) Richard Gere, Diane Lane, Oliver Martinez . 124 mins.

FILMS 28

LISTINGS

Every film screened in town and on campus for the next fortnight, reviewed by Jess Shiddell

Warner Village at Clifton Moor www.warnervillage.co.uk; or 08702 406020 for booking and info 40 Days and 40 Nights

(Michael Lehman, 2002, US) Josh Hartnett, Shannyn Sossamon, Paulo Costazo. 94 mins.

A guy gives up all sexual activity for lent.

About A Boy (Chris&Paul

Weitz, 2002, UK) Hugh Grant, Rachel Weisz. 101mins.

British comedy about a man’s friendship with a young boy.

Bend It Like Beckham

In this atmosphere, the main plot-line sometimes serves as little more than a vehicle for whichever lines or images strike a cord with your humanity: the reflection of the convicted man in the observing window at the monster's ball, making it seem as though he’s sitting amongst those who have come to see him executed, or the hitherto unexplored healing powers of chocolate

R

ichard Gere embroiled in an adulterous marriage?

Surely not! I hear you cry.

Well, for once it's the silver haired Buddhist whose on the receiving end, in this adaptation of the 1969 French film 'La Femme Infidele.'

Directed by Adrian Lyne, whose past efforts include 'Lolita', 'Fatal Attraction' and '9 ½ Weeks,' this erotic thriller casts Gere as Edward, the wealthy yet dull husband to Constance (Diane Lane.) She has a chance encounter with French book dealer Paul which opens her eyes to a world of gallic passion and copious copulation.

Unfortunately, things turn tragic when Edward uncovers the affair, just as Constance has decided to end it. Will their marriage survive the betrayal of trust and the police enquiry?

ice-cream.

These are images that stick with you more than Halle Berry's Oscar winning performance (which is astounding in itself) because they are incidental. If Monster's Ball points out anything, it's that humanity makes a human being, and humanity is the power to recognise the incidental.

(Simon Keal)

It all sounds fairly mundane yet for the good majority of the film, the direction, script and acting keep the tension building

“Olivier Martinez steals the show, positively smouldering with sex appeal.”

to a surprisingly impressive plateau.

Lane excels as the wife torn between her family and her lust, and Gere imposes his presence on the screen from the outset as the dull but loving husband, but it is French actor Olivier Martinez who steals the show, positively smouldering with Mediterranean sex appeal as Paul, the object of Constance's desire.

Also worthy of praise is

(Gurinder Chandha, 2002, Uk) Jonathan Rhys-Meyers, Pariminder Nagra. 112 mins.

Britiish comedy-drama.

Dragonfly

(Tom Shadyac, 2002, USA) Kevin Costne, Joe Norton.

Eerie film about man being communicated by his deceased wife.

103 mins.

Monster’s

Ball (Marc Foster, 2002, US) Halle Berry, Billy-Bob Thornton. 111 mins.

(See review.)

Not Another Teen Movie (Joel Gallen, 2002,

Jess Shiddell wonders why the Brits continue to reject that touchstone of American culture, the drive-in.

T

he summer months are here and warm, light evenings should mean outdoor drinks and BBQs , but instead we flock to the cinema - in our millions.

Summer equals big bucks for movie companies and many of their blockbusters are saved especially for summer release. One of the main reasons for this is the huge younger audience that they can reach.

There are nearly always at least a couple of big kids' films released in cinemas during the months of July and August, as this coincides with the longest school holiday.

However, this does not explain why unencumbered adults still spend the summer months sitting in the cinema halls.

A lot of it has to do with the lack of an established summer culture in Britain. Our motto should be "Carry on as usual" and that we do, ignoring the warm weather and continuing with all our indoor pursuits.

I think that the Americans have got the right idea. They have accepted the fact that movie theatres have established themselves firmly in the summer itinerary and have developed a way to make movie viewing an outdoors experience.

“Just think no sreaming kids, no giggling girls and no rustling sweet wrappers”

The concept of the 'drive-in' movie is simple but brilliant. A movie audience can still have all the magic of seeing a film on the big screen but they don't have to be in a stuffy cinema hall to do it.

'Drive-in' audiences even have two viewing options. They can sit out on the grass for the ulti-

mate outdoors movie experience or if it gets too chilly they can watch from the comfort of their own car, receiving sound through a radio frequency.

Just think- no screaming kids, no annoying teenage girls giggling at inappropriate moments and no rustling sweet wrappers.

Unfortunately, despite the many advantages of the 'drive-in', these movie theatres are a fast

Snow Dogs (Brian Devant,

2002, USA) Cuba- Gooding Junior, James Coburn, Sisqo.

Comedy capers when a Miami dentist inherits a pack of sled dogs.

99 mins.

Spiderman The Movie (Sam Raimi, 2002, US) Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst.. (See review).

121 mins.

Star Wars Episode 2

(George Lucas, 2002, US) Sequel to Phantom Menace.

Ewan McGregor, Natalie Portman. 137 mins. .

Thunderpants

(Peter Hewitt, 2002, US) Bruce Cook, Rupert Grint, Stephen Fry. 87 mins.

Story of a particularly flatulent boy born with two stomachs.

The

Time

Machine

(simon Wells, 2002, USA) Guy Pearce, Samantha Mumba, Jeremy Irons.96 mins H. G. Well’s futuristic fable..

US) Chyler Leigh, Chris Evans, Erik Per Sullivan (the Jaime Pressly. 89 mins. small, jug eared one off A comedy about the students 'Malcolm in the Middle') as of John Hughes’ Highschool.

Unfaithful (Adrian Lyne, 2002, US) Richard Gere, Dian their child Charlie. His Panic Room (David Lane, Oliver Martinez. appearance in crucial 124 mins. (See review.)

Fincher, 2002, US) Jodie scenes brings welcome Foster, Forest Whittaker. 112 comic relief in what is mins.

Fight Club’s Fincher director’s quite a depressing film.

Alas, Lyne appears to City Screen have neglected the last ten pages of the script, choos- Coney Street, city centre ing to end what is a genuinfo 01904 541155, booking 01904 541144 inely intriguing and engaging thriller with a trashy 'The Getaway' rip off, that Spiderman (Sam Raimi, Crush (John Mckay, 2001, crushes much of his subtle 2002, US) Tobey Maguire, UK) Andie MacDowell, Imelda Dunst, Willem Dafoe.

Staunton. 112 mins. camera work and direction. Kirsten 121 mins Girl meets guy, is he Mr.Wrong However, this aside, (See Review). or will he turn out to be Mr. 1:30, 4:00, 6:30, 9:00 Right?

'Unfaithful' is well worth (From Friday) 1.15, 3.45, 6.15, catching if you have a penNo Man’s Land (Danis 8.45. chant for such films as Tanovic, 2001, Serb-Croat) 'Disclosure' or are a red Branko Djuric, Rene Bitorajac, Read My Lips (Jacques Audriard, 2001, France) blooded female who enjoys Filip Sovagovic. 98 mins.

Oscar Winning parable about of daring relationship ogling sexy Frenchmen in the confusion of war. Subtitled Tale between put-up secretary and various states of undress. 2:00, 6:45 a petty thief.

(From Fri) 1.45, 6.45.

However, the film does Pollock (Ed Harris, 2000, leave one lasting question.

US) Ed Harris, Marcia Gay How on earth did Richard Harden, Amy Madigan. 123 Gere and Diane Lane cre- mins.

Cool and Crazy (Knut Erik Biopic of fiery modernist paintJensen, 2000, Norweigan) ate such an ugly child? er Jackson Pollock .

4:15, 8:15 Most succesful film in Norway

(Greg Jenner) ever. Witty, wise life-affirming

Monster’sBall

(Marc Forster, 2002, US) Halle Berry, Billy Bob Thornton. 111mins.

(See review)

No drive-ins please, we’re British

new suspense thriller.

documentary.

(From Fri) 1.45, 6.45.

The Odeon

receding part of film culture. They Blossom Street, city centre have been in decline since the 1950s Phone 08705 050007 for info & booking and only nostalgia has kept them going at all.

40 Days and 40 Nights Star Wars Episode 2

Sex-comedy with Josh Hartnett.

The 'drive-in' is not some- 94 mins. thing that would catch on in 16.00, 18.30, 20.30 Britain, in part due to our Dragonfly pathological hatred of anything Kevin Costner, Joe Norton. film about a man being embedded in American culture, but Eeerie communicated by his mostly because we don't get enough deceased wife. 103 mins. warm weather to make them a via- 20.10 Spiderman The Movie

Lucas’s sequel to the Phantom Menace.

Ewan McGregor, Samuel L Jackson. 137 mins.

13.30, 16.45, 19.50

Thunderpants

Bruce Cook, Rupert Grint. 87 mins.

(See above) 14.00

(see review) 12.00, 14.45, 17.3.00

On Campus

York Student Cinema - P/X001, Physics see www.yorkstudentcinema.org or phone 07811 370288 Week 9: Training Day

Denzel Washington, Ethan Hawke. 120 mins 19:30, Thursday

ET 20th Anniversary

Drew Barrymore, Dee WallaceStone, Henry Thomas.

120 mins 19:30, Friday

Note: Times are subject to change

18/06/02 YORK VISION

The dog’s bollocks

T

wo years in conception and four months in shooting, Adam Dymond's £4,000 production of The Hound of the Baskervilles was finally premiered to the public at a sold out City Screen last Tuesday. And it soon proved that York student film making is the dog's bollocks.

The strength of Conan Doyle's novel lies in its ambiguous supernaturalism, in pitting Holmes's cold, scientific methods against an apparently demonic entity. And Dymond works hard to retain this, whether in the primitive allure of the moor, or the elongated shadows of a Victorian London replete with hansom cabs, atmospheric smog, one street urchin, and two buxom prostitutes. Adding to the air of mystery is the conspicuous absence of the hound from the opening death sequencewhich is also a nifty way of ensuring that we remain waiting in our seats for the full 2 ½ hours.

Dymond is not only the writer, director, editor and producer, he also plays Holmes. Citing Jeremy Brett as his chief influence, his portrayal of the great detective is nevertheless inventive, and what he lacks in height and suavity he makes up for in arrogance.

Part frustrated genius, part spoilt and precocious adolescant, Dymond's Holmes flies into regular tantrums with his housekeeper and clients. And when he makes his dramatic return at the close, case solved and with much swishing of cape, it's only to piss everybody off with his hardhearted insolence.

Whether wholly intended or not, this makes for a refreshing take on Holmes and Watsons’ relationship, with Holmes becoming the focus for derision whilst the good doctor (Dan Ford), far from being a bumbling oaf, restricts

himself to some very subtle and well timed reaction shots.

Conan Doyle's women are rigid types and, although Anna Mayall, Jennifer Barraston and Natasha Harrison are all very good at tearful distress, the roles offer them little opportunity for anything else. It is the male actors who command our attention here. Ford is a gifted yet very unselfish actor, lending a wonderfully engaging every-man quality to Watson, whilst Lee Ravitz, as the cold blooded wifebeater and murderer Stapleton, makes his first appearance to cheers from the audience. A master of the evil cackle and the sinister facial hair, his gleeful description of a pony's death in the great Grimpen Mire is one of the most

“...a grainy, grey atmosphere in which the striking of a match is a wonderfully dramatic moment.”

THE HOUND OF THE BASKERVILLES chilling moments of the film.

Yet he avoids acting the cartoon villain, with a delicacy and variation in his delivery which would leave Baskerville virgins clueless as to the murderer's identity.

Charlie Lass, who plays Sir Henry, is a first time actor and Dymond claims that it was precisely this "fish out of the water" quality which made him perfect for the part. Lass is certainly the most naturalistic in his approach and his edginess, whether genuine or feigned, makes his the most credible portrayal possible of a man who may at any moment be pounced on by a demonic hound.

Although this is an incredibly ambitious film, it doesn't take itself too seriously. Three fight scenes have been introduced- one in which Holmes and Watson do battle with thugs 1 and 2 (as they appear in the credits) in a dingy London alley, another in which Watson and Sir Henry engage in a playground tussel with the convict, and a final showdown between Holmes and Stapleton where Holmes, having neatly sidestepped the villain's bullet, finds he's run out of ammo. Although Dymond assures us that these scenes are there purely for cinematic effect, it's obvious that they were also a lot of fun to film.

Mostly, however, the script embraces and amplifies Conan Doyle's wry comedy. When Sir Henry sneaks off for a snogging session with Mrs Stapleton, Watson, instructed by Holmes not to let him cross the moor alone, is forced to follow and watch the lovers from behind a tree. Moments like this take no real liberties with the novel, but play up to, and tonight find full favour with, a largely student audience. T h i s playful edge is present throughout, so that when Stapleton is sucked to his doom in a small puddle, when Watson asks a rather cross-eyed Holmes if he's

been over doing it with the cocaine bottle, or when Sir Henry is viciously mauled by a bright green alsation, the cast seem to be smiling along with us.

There is, then, a great deal to laugh at and enjoy- but not quite enough to be scared by. It would have made for a more coherent film had they stuck wholeheartedly to the gothic horror genre, which is clearly what they intended to do, what they enjoyed doing, and what they do best. Dymond is understandably proud of the fact that even the most indulgently symbolic moments (as when Holmes bursts open a door to find the wife of the murderous moth-catcher suspended from the ceiling in a cacoon of white linen) all find their basis in the novel.

Elsewhere we get flashes of stone gargoyles in time to the ticking of an antique grandfather clock, a full moon rising behind racing clouds and skeletal trees, and a ghostly, slow motion

SPIDER-MAN “The fight scenes are remarkable. It’s impossible to keep your eyes off Goblin and Spiderman.”

Spider-man: The Movie (12) (Sam Raimi, 2002, US) Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, tive spider on a school field Willem Dafoe. 137 mins. trip.

A

dmit it. Ever since being a wee toddler you've dreamt about being able to climb 40 foot walls and swing in-between rows upon rows of houses...

Spider-man has long captured people's imagination in ways just like these. Stan Lee's cult comic-book following had children desperately trying to emulate their arachnid hero, from buying his dynamic costume to leaping from the landing stairs.

The only thing visibly lacking from the Spider-man repertoire was a big-screen outing that rivalled the immense success of its comics... until now.

In the latest cinematic adaptation, Sam Raimi (The Evil Dead) thankfully ignores the pathetically ‘psychedlic’ seventies attempts to bring Spiderman to the big screen. Rather

than trying to produce a postmodern work of art, he focuses on Spiderman’s character.

The action begins with Peter Parker (Maguire) being potrayed as a weak, self-conscious science-wizkid dork: not someone to be too closely associated with. Raimi delves deeply into Parker's psyche in this respect, displaying his inner insecurities in a manner that accentuates his inability to 'fit in'.

He is shown to live an incredibly sheltered life, his only friend being a rich outcast who is both ignorant and naive.

After living with his aunt and uncle for most of his life, Parker lacks confidence, being grossly unable to attract the girl he loves (Dunst) and to stand up for himself.

All of which is set to change when he's bitten by a radioac-

FILMS 29

The film succeeds in its depiction of Parker's reverse of fortune after the bite. He develops a super-human 'spidersense' and his new Spider-man persona is the exact alter ego of his own - brave, confident and seemingly indestructable.

Nothing is beyond Parker as he learns that he can swing from buildings and shoot webs from his hands.

The tragic death of Parker’s uncle forces him to become a stronger person and he lives by his uncle’s words that "great power must come with great responsiblity" throughout the film.

Although it takes time for Maguire to sink into the role as Spiderman, he proves his versatility as an actor; overshadowing his role in 'Pleasantville'and almost equalling that in 'The Cider House Rules'.

Spidey's evil nemesis, the

'Green Goblin' is probably the stand-out character in the film.

William Dafoe once again shows that he has tremendous stage presence and gives his most disturbing performance as the deeply deranged, schizophrenic Norman Osborn (Green Goblin).

Thanks to his creepy presence, the action flows throughout the film and the effects, albeit a bit ropey, reflect the freedom of Spider-man's movements.

Mary-Jane (known affectionately as 'M-J') is wellplayed by the shyly sexy Dunst.

She copes well with what is a corny script, especially at the end, and brings a well-needed break to the frantic fight scenes.

The fight scenes are actually quite remarkable. It's impossible to keep your eyes off the fantasy encounters between Goblin and Spider-man.

I genuinely felt a shiver down my spine when I first heard Goblin's laugh and the sequences are so well-crafted that a lack of predictability is never an issue.

This is a highly enjoyable fantasy adventure; it's well-acted, well-produced and deserves all of the acclaim and royalties it will no doubt get.

(Jonathan Beaufort-Jones)

sequence in which the convict is seen running for his life across a desolate moor-scape. An eerie tension is sustained thoughout the moorland scenes through a combination of Taylor's unobtrusive orchestral score, and a grainy, grey atmosphere in which the flaring of a match is a wonderfully dramatic moment. The gloom is not pervasive, deflated rather too frequently by conventionally shot and dialogue-dominated scenes. But these are the images that endure.

Student criticism of student worktends to politely ignore the problems and simply call it a fantastic effort. The Hound... certainly is that, but it isn't your usual amateur offering. The whole approach to the film has been so professional that it encourages you to judge it by commercial standards. At the same time, the general quality means that relatively minor hitches (the odd fudged or badly paced line, or a fluctuation in sound levels) become noticeable.

In fact the overall problem with this film is also it's greatest strength. The lack of a defining vision to bring unity in tone, look and technique, makes at times for rather difficult, uncertain viewing. But it also makes tonight far more interesting and enjoyable, as a showcase of student talent which, because of its open approach, is able to make the most out of local settings, span various genres, experiment with numerous filming techniques and integrate diverse acting styles.

It may be off to Cannes next year, but The Hound... is really all about showing York students what we can do if we put our minds (and our loan cheques) to it. Because, as Dymond puts it, "if you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, is filmable."

(Isobel Todd)  ONLINE INTERVIEW WITH ADAM DYMOND WWW.YORKVISION.CO.UK

SPECIAL A comic touch Jess Shiddell and Steph Bloomfield

W

ith the recent influx of comic-based movies, it can definitely be said that Heroes are back in vogue.

Everyone knows of such Comic heavyweights as Superman and the recently reincarnated 'Spiderman' but there is a plethora of less famous characters that still pack a mighty punch (amongst comic nerds anyway).

Captain America During the ongoing political instability of the 1940s Joe Simon and Jack Kirby created this epitome of American Courage. He was designed to be a hero that could stand for everything that the US stood for.

The Captain started life as a sickly and frail young man named Steve Rogers. Because of his burning desire to serve his country he was chosen for Operation: Rebirth and became the ultimate fighting soldier.

He was extensively trained and provided with a red, white and blue uniform made of leather and chain mail.

Unfortunately he disappeared in action in 1945 but since him there have been four further Captain Americas.

These Super-heroes originally fought each other but soon saw sense and created 'The Invaders', the ultimateevilfighting team.

The Sub-Mariner Also known as Prince Namor of Atlantis, this comic-book hero was created by Bill Everett and was about to fade into obscurity until he was snapped up by Comic Giant Marvel.

The Sub-Mariner was the love child of a human Captain and Princess Fen of Atlantis.

This half human, half sea dweller had pale, human skin, pointed ears and, inexplicably, tiny wings on his ankles.

He was an angry young man whose powers included super strength, flying and of course the ability to breathe underwater. His distrust of mankind meant that he became the protector of Atlantis.

The Human Torch This flaming hero was created in 1939 by Carl Burgos and was the original 'Man of Flame' although technically an android. Dr.Phineas T Horton's robotic masterpiece was originally distrusted by mankind and was buried underground.

Luckily he escaped and learnt to control his powers and fought against many a Nazi crime. He was killed and revived several times after WWII, mostly because he was consistently overshadowed by the Silver Age Hero named after him - 'The Human Torch of the Fantastic Four'.

30 ARTS

The Maiden’s Rebirth Alistar Smith visits the Theatre Royal to witness the ressurection of Dorfman’s harrowing play, Death and the Maiden.

A

nother edition of Vision, another play about a mentally disturbed woman holding a man prisoner in her own home.

This time the play is Death and the Maiden by Ariel Dorfman, and unlike Misery, there are no big names, elaborate stages or ornate, roomy auditoriums.

Instead, here is a production funded by the Scottish Arts Trust, with the unknowns Kern Falconer, Martha Leishman and Iain Macrae, practically no stage and very limited seating in the 'cosy' studio at the Theatre Royal. The most striking difference, however, was that this production was very nearly perfect. Although this interpretation of Dorfman's masterpiece was clearly put together on a shoestring, everything, from the subtle direction to the powerful acting and simple staging, was entirely in keeping with the mood and force of the piece.

The play's author, Dorfman, wrote it after he had returned from exile to Chile, after Pinochet's dictatorship had given way to a fledgling democracy. It is this political atmosphere which contributes a great deal to the tension of the production.The dramatic situation at the core of the play's action concerns a man (Gerardo Escobar) whose car has broken down and is given a lift home by a friendly stranger (Roberto Miranda).

The man's wife (Paulina Salas), believes that she recognises the stranger's voice

as that of her doctor, torturer and rapist, during her time as a political prisoner.

Consequently she kidnaps him and puts him on trial for his supposed crimes.

This is further complicated by the fact that her husband, Gerardo, has recently been appointed to a post in the country's new government. His job is to do exactly that: put on trial those who had committed crimes

during the previous government's time in power.

The play's power rests in the ambiguity of the action: is Roberto guilty?

Is Paulina mad? How can the husband, a trained lawyer and a man supposed to be righting his country's wrongs, allow his wife to do this? And, most importantly, are Paulina's actions merely perpetuating the years of hate and violence? The play raises all

central tension. The script was adhered to dutifully and there were no attempts to produce anything revolutionary.

Leishman's portrayal of Paulina, an extremely testing role, was emotive, potent, and at times very frightening, while Falconer captured the necessary ambiguity of Roberto's character flawlessly. Even Macrae, in his role as Gerardo, a part usually regarded as being fairly uninteresting in relation to the other two, was superb.

This wonderful production by the Forge Theatre Company will soon be leaving York. All I can recom-

Leishman and Falconer as the kidnapper bent on revenge, and the man who she believes to be her past torturer and rapist, in Dorfman’s Death and the Maiden.

The Lady in the Van

of the Holocaust, and these are issues which apply to us all.

At the centre of this action is the titular piece of music: Schubert's 'Death and the Maiden'. It was played by the doctor, whether he was Roberto or not, to Paulina while she was in prison. It is played in part, or in full, at several junctures of the play and serves as its pwerful motif.

Lorne Campbell’s derection was extremely competent and understated, never interfering with the actors' abilities to create the

“The play’s power rests in the ambiguity: is Roberto guilty? Is Paulina mad?”

With used incontinence pads drying on her electric hob, unwashed clothes and a toilet consisting of plastic carrier bags, it is no wonder that Miss Shepherd produces a bit of what she calls a "Suzie Wong" (think cockney rhyming slang)! She will never admit to this however, insisting "it's not me, it's that Greek restaurant, they cook things on sticks there" and requesting a sign to say "the smell is the manure".

The defiant Miss Shepherd, an old woman who lived in a van in Alan Bennett's garden, provides a unique subject for a unique play.

Bennett's autobiographical play was incredibly funny as, in his characteristic flat way, he reccounts the events he witnessed. To do this, he uses two versions of himself on stage- the playwright and the person. Identically dressed in tweed jackets and cords, Bennett represents his two states of mind as two actors arguing about how to react to and write about life.

Bennett's original method worked well, as the two actors managed to deliver lines in the same Yorkshire monotone and, although the method constantly reminded us that we were watching a play, it did not detract from our enjoyment.

Bennett says, "There's very little in the substance of the play which is not fact", and this adds a certain somberness to The Lady in the

11th May, The West Yorkshire Playhouse Leeds Van. The play shows that the lives of the two main characters, Bennett and Miss Shepherd were extremely lonely and difficult.

Miss Shepherd is homeless and constantly harassed by everyone from teenage boys to middle class neighbours of Bennett who do not want her bringing down the tone of the street. Bennett also provides a revealing insight into his own life

“Bennett is reminiscent of Eeyore- he complains about life, but stoically keeps trudging on.” informing the audience about his lack of sexual experiences and the belief that his life is dull.

He even unemotionally comments that his name has "as much flavour as a pebble". The only two women in his life during the play are over the age of drawing a pension and cause him immense problems. They are his ailing "mam", on the verge of madness, who thinks that his house lacks class because of the absence of a toilet roll holder, and a vagabond who he invited into his garden for three months, who ended up staying there for fif-

teen years.

Neither character lets this get them down however and we are not faced with two complaining manic depressants on stage.

Instead both provide humour through their quirkiness. Miss Shepherd is constantly telling amusing tales about seeing the Virgin Mary walking up the Parkway or planning her manifesto to become Prime Minister.

Bennett is hard not to laugh at, as he is so reminiscent of Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh (who he in fact provided the voice for in one version of the cartoon). He complains about life, but stoically keeps trudging on.

The staging was very minimal but realistic and fitted with the tone of the play. There were several scenes in which the audience could not help but laugh hysterically as Miss Shepherd drove on stage in a new vehicle, making grand hand signals which she learnt from her book ‘Tips on Christian Parking.’

A play in which nothing much happens other than the often repetitive story of an old homeless woman runs the risk of being tedious, but Bennett succeeded in keeping the audience entertained.

His graphic language caused a few gasps from a group of old women sitting in front of me, but it wasn't gratuitous, simply part of Bennett.

At the end, following Miss Shepherd's death, I began to feel that the play had lost its sparkle and allowed itself to slip into a depressive state.

However, just as I was about to check my watch, Miss Shepherd's ghost popped up from a manhole

PROFILE

MUST SEE

these questions, and several more, and, sensibly, never commits itself to any definitive answers. Dorfman is keen to make the action as universal as possible.

It is probably set in Chile, but this could have been any country that has given itself a democratic government just after a long period of dictatorship, and the universal quality was underlined by the minimalist staging in this production. The message is clear: this is a problem that has been faced by thousands of people this century, whether it be by Chileans or victims

18/06/02 YORK VISION

under the stage and characteristically shouted at the two Bennetts for talking about things other than her. She shrieks, "I'm meant to be the centre piece…I'm thinking that the van should be a place of pilgrimage"!

(Cathy Baldwin)

Labute

“F

alse art - I hate that. I don't like art that isn't true." So claims Evelyn, an art student and the central character of Neil Labute's play The Shape of Things. Despite feigning sincerity, she is in fact weaving a web of lies and deceit around her boyfriend Adam, attempting to see how much she can manipulate his personality for an original and sick artistic experiment.

Using Adam as a living work of art she secretly records all their activities from videotaping sex to the colour of his clothes. Along with the audience, the dorky Adam is totally unaware of Evelyn's plans and we watch as he is completely transformed. We're left questioning, how easily our personalities can be changed, and how we can be so cruel to other human beings.

All Labute's plays are about cruelty, whether it's the psychological viciousness of The Shape of Things or the sub-textual violence of Bash, which premiered at the Drama Barn last weekend.

In his latest offering The Distance From Here, Labute moves to the suburban wasteland of white trash in the Midwest. Following the mundane, incestuous, murderous life of an emotionally impoverished family, the audience is pushed into an awareness of the moral void at the centre of American society. An unloved teenage boy murders his stepsister's daughter at the zoo, taking his seething anger and jealousy out on a defenceless baby whose crying has been ignored throughout the play.

In each of the plays Labute records the West's spiritual emptiness with the scientific detachment of a zoologist. The implication is clear - we're animals, driven by desire to cruelty and violence that we mask behind the façade of civilization.

He's pushing us to question how far his presentation of the shape of things is from reality.

The problem is that in order to establish this polemic against society his characters and plots are harshly manipulated.

Even on the surface they lack both plausibility and subtlety, with Adam going so far as to have a nose job for his girlfreind. The seemingly endless list of 'moral issues' encountered by one blue-collar family marital violence, teenage pregnancy, abortion, incest, infanticide - seems stretched.

The desire to include too much creates a sort of clichéd realism which detracts from the overall effect, leaving the audience feeling used. In one sense though this is exactly what Labute wants, arousing anger, demanding a response,

Ann Rye in rehearsal for her role in The Lady in the Van

YORK VISION 18/06/02

ARTS 31

Girls on girls Twelfth Night Director:Kathy Lawson Museum Gardens Week 9, 21st-23rd July. 7pm

O

the Duke Orsiono with whom she falls in love. However his affections are elsewhere.

Orsino has long been engaged in a fruitless pursual of the beautiful Olivia, who has shut herself off from suitors following the death of her brother. Yet when Orsino sends Viola, still in the guise of Cessario, to do his wooing, Olivia finds herself falling for this eloquent youth.

The love triangle becomes a quadrangle when Viola's twin brother Sebastian arrives on the scene

and, being mistaken by her for "Cessario", promptly marries Olivia.

Sounds, on paper, like the usual bog standard farce of mistaken identity and handily instantaneous attractions. But as Kathy says, the play combines these "very light and happy themes with some extremely dark elements" and the production emphasises this, with an ending which explores "whether Olivia is truly happy when she discovers that she's married Sebastian."

utdoor Shakespeare has become a firm tradition in drama soc.'s end of year schedule, and in week 9 the Musuem Gardens will become the stage for a performance of Twelfth Night. However director Kathy Lawson hopes that this production will offer something more than a whimsical summertime distraction. "I think people come to open air Shakespeare expecting a nice, light accompaniment to their strawberries and champagne.

Twelfth Night definitely provides that, but it also has more depth to it than other comedies- and the slightly melancholy ending should leave people thinking…"

Love, however, is the rather seasonal theme. Characters are either falling in or out of love, pursuing love or fleeing it, exalting love or mocking it, and there's not much time for anything else. As the central plot runs, twins Viola and Sebastian are shipwrecked in the city of Illyria, each believing the other drowned. With the help of the ship's captain, Viola disguises herself as a man, Cessario, and becomes servant to Viola (Elinor Cook) and Olivia (Natalie Thomas) rehearse in the quiet place.

REVIEWS

Bash/ Parenthesis

B

Directors: Rob Leigh and Jon Cooper Drama Barn, Week 7

ash and Parentheses follow theatre's tried and tested method of creating a glimpse of how the other half live, through monologue speech.

Both plays consisted of a series of monologues, not particularly linked to each other, but engendering an interesting set of circumstances and characters who unravel themselves to the audience.

Bash held together three quirky, if slightly too lengthy, speeches featuring seemingly normal characters who all hide guilty secrets.

A depressed, burnt-out businessman (Dan Ford) reveals that he has suffocated his baby

when faced with the fear of being made redundant. A fear which turns out to be a hoax from a friend.

High school sweethearts (Marija Maher and Richard Souray) embark on a road trip that ends with a sinister twist.

“The American dream is destroyed, turning the comedy towards violence.”

The American dream is

destroyed, turning the comedy towards violence when he beats a gay man to death in Central Park, steals his ring and uses it to propose to his girlfriend who is blissfully unaware of the evening's events.

Lastly, we meet with a shy teenage mother (Nancy Walker), seduced and made pregnant by her teacher. She is willing to wait years to exact her revenge when the teacher leaves her pregnant and helpless in search of a less complicated life.

Bash was cleverly written and put together with good direction, but could have benefited from some serious editing, as the sequences took too long to reach the inevitable and gritty climax.

The actors created the perfect amount of suspense and feeling, leav-

East

sessions will always remain a distant, unattainDirectors: Natasha Harrison and Benedict Hitchens able Dixon Drama Studio, Week 7 fantasy.

For Dad, played superbly by Sam Booth, ith its collage of family tableau. This was sexual escape is no S h a k e s p e a r e a n the portrayal of a family longer an option. Instead language inter- that seeks escape through he retreats into a phoney spersed with expletives, various sinister and essen- nostalgia for a fantasised twentieth century cultural tially futile outlets. flashes and bawdy simuThe droogish boot boy lated sex, Natasha brothers, Mike (Nick Harrison's production of Miller) and Les, played East defied the genres it brilliantly by Benedict straddled.

Hitchins, to whom women The play proved to be are simply "cunts that an ambitious and breathe", seek refuge from impressive medley of their existence through different styles and eras, debased sexual pursuits. punctuated with music hall Les, who by day works sing-alongs and stomping in a suit shop where he punk numbers. could not possibly Living in squalor, the afford to buy what he sells, actors used their paint- at one-point morphs into a ed white faces to effec- motorbike, to be ridden by tively suggest illness, his brother. This was a nice emphasise their con- touch, indicating that in sciousness of race, and their state of poverty and help to establish their social standing, mobility Stephen Berkoff ghoulish and grotesque and flashy material pos-

W

PREVIEW

For Kathy the essence of Shakespeare's comic appeal lies in "his depiction of really humanistic characters and their flaws." But, she confesses, "we have had a few problems with Feste the clown. His lines frequently consist just of incredibly clever and witty puns, and at the beginning poor Richard (Souray, who plays Feste) was just like, 'What the hell??!' .”

‘Poor' Richard is also required to sing 5 songs. Twelfth Night is probably Shakespeare's most musical play, and this production boasts Laurence Romen, who has worked with Andrew lloyd Webber, as their musical director.

The music will have a largely "Elizabethan feel", in keeping with their scenic backdrop- the large Tudor mansion in the Musuem Gardens, which Katy describes as "the perfect setting!"

The most immediate problem in producing Twelfth Night has to be finding a Viola and Sebastian of whom it can be said, they share "one face, one voice, one habit" without to much stretching of the imagination. Kathy auditioned a total of 59 people before they found two actors of similar build and height in Elinor Cook and drama soc chair Elis Matthews.

However the greatest challenge has been in "making Elinor move and speak like a man- she just can't help being girly!"

All of which can only add to the play’s gender-bending appeal.

Promising "lots of lingering looks, secret glances and stolen

past, where there were 12 hours of sunshine in a day, and Britain had not yet been corrupted by an influx of "black bastards" and Jews with their stink of "dead foreskins".

One of the play's most memorable scenes had Sam clambering onto the table, reminiscing about the 'golden age' of "Ozzy Mosley" who, he assures us, "had the right idea". As his eyes glazed over he became more and more impassioned and absorbed by his own memories, until his hand shot out in a sinister Nazi salute.

Fran Bucknall provided a great performance as the zombified Mum. She portrayed a woman whose mind has been so blunted by her dreary shopping routine that she now categorises most of her thoughts into lists,

firemen!

THEATRE ROYAL Piaf

1-22 June, 2.30pm/ 7.30pm Tickets: £6 - £16 The gritty tale of Edith Piaf’s rise to stardom, directed by Damian Cruden.

The Taming of the Shrew

25 June, 7.30pm Tickets: £10 - £14 The ballet of Shakespeare’s famous tale.

Sing-a-long-a Sound of Music 26 June Tickets: £10 - £13.50 A chance to sing ‘Adedelweiss’ with your favourite muscial family.

Don Carlos

2,3,5,6 July, 7.15pm Tickets: £6.50 - £16 A local company put on the popular opera.

April in Paris

4 July- 3 August Tickets: £5.50 - £8.50 A hilarious account of the British abroad, by the author of ‘Teechers’.

reeling off accounts of the quotidian domestic misogyny and sexual dissatisfaction that she suffers.

The one temporary relief from the sexual frustration of living with her husband is in a cinema, where a younger man instigates a sweaty fumble with her in the dark. Her failure to escape the depravity of her surroundings and the entrapment of family life is revealed when the Cinema lights are raised, and she realises that she has given a hand job to her own son.

The cast gave an insightful representation of a family who have been alienated by poverty- a fact that they are unable to comprehend or escape. This was a fraught drama, as suggestive of late night Channel 5 as it was of bawdy restoration comedy.

6 July, 7.30pm Tickets: £13 A tribute to the four Liverpool lads!

Who killed ‘Agatha’ Christie?

8 - 13 July, 7.30pm Tickets: £8 - £16 Christopher Biggins stars in this thrilling murder mystery, directed by Howard Ross.

Annie

6 - 10 August, 8.30pm Tickets: £6 - £9 The Summer Youth Project present the entertaining musical about ‘little orphan Annie’.

CLIFFORD STREET, YORK BOX OFFICE: 671818

OAK HOUSE: POCKLINGTON CIVIC ARTS CENTRE Shirley Valentine

POCKLINGTON CIVIC ARTS CENTRE, MARKET PLACE, POCKLINGTON, YORK BOX OFFICE: 01759 301547

Mark Edel-Hunt gave a realistic performance as a football loving Cockney with girl trouble (she wouldn't let him watch the football!). James Harris though, had difficulty displaying his talent as an actor in his voyeuristic role, due to much hampering by the script.

Ollie Hilton-Johnson showed that a good performance could be achieved with very few words. Juniper Thomas revealed with real relish the intimate details of his rape in her perfectly malicious, gossipy style akin to that of your worst nosy neighbour.

In my opinion, the evening and the credit belonged to the actors.

We all owe them a drink for painstakingly learning those lines and managing to sustain a quality per-

Beatle Mania

27 June, 7.30pm The Castaway Theatre Company presents Willy Russell’s classic.

ing the audience amazed by their characters' criminal revelations. Dan Ford's portrayal was touching, Nancy Walker gave a sinister and effective performance and Richard Souray was ably assisted by Marija Maher giving the clichéd American dream an explosive twist.

Parentheses was unique in its Beckettlike approach to monologue speech. However, the script was rather clumsy and so the actors were not given enough substance with which to shine.

Student written drama often tries to emulate certain theatrical genres without trying to achieve any originality. But this was certainly not the case with Jon Cooper's Parentheses.

LISTINGS

Louise Burns and Rebecca Loveridge look ahead to the next fortnight’s helping of culture

LEEDS GRAND THEATRE Heaven Can Wait

The ballet of Shakespeare’s comedy, ‘The Taming of the Shrew’, on 25 June in the Theatre Royal.

24 - 29 June A rock-and-roll musical which takes up the story of Buddy Holly and friends, after their plane crashed...

EXHIBITION SQUARE, YORK BOX OFFICE: 623568

WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE 6 - 22 June The ‘ultimate bad boy’ goes on trial in his community.

(In the Courtyard Theatre)

Revisit the world of Buddy Holly between 24 & 29 June at Leeds Grand Theatre

PLAYHOUSE SQUARE, QUARRY HILL, LEEDS. BOX OFFICE: 0113 2137700

NEW BRIGGATE, LEEDS BOX OFFICE: 0113 222 6222

Ragamuffin

GRAND OPERA

LEEDS CITY VARIETIES Emo Philips

13 June, 7.30pm ‘Possibly the best joke writer in America’ returns to the UK BOX OFFICE: 0113 243 0808

Catch the firemen at the Grand Opera House this month!

HOUSE The Barber of Seville 17 June This well-known opera returns to York.

Naked Flame

17 - 22 June, 8 pm Tickets: £11.50 - £15.50 A production by Peter Benedict which involvesplenty of stripping

RIDING LIGHTS THEATRE COMPANY Reality Strikes Twice & This Way Up

Both until 31 July New productions presented by the Friargate Theatre Company FRIARGATE THEATRE, LOWER FRIARGATE, YORK. BOX OFFICE: 01904 655317

32 BOOKS

Bastards of Literature

28/05/02 YORK VISION

A-Z OF AUTHORS

Ken Kesey

Disillusioned with the men of York University, Rachel Stott turns to fiction in hope of a little respite, only to find that the warning signs were there all the time.

“A

man that's wild is hard for a woman to hold, but if he was tame would the woman want to hold him?” wonders Estelle in the Tennessee Williams play The Rose Tattoo and there's no arguing with her - bad-boy bastards are undeniably attractive.

For some frustratingly mystical reason, many of the fairer sex constantly find themselves a magnet for any man with the slightest hint of danger. Arrogance, masculine broodiness and the sense of an inevitable slide into personal heartbreak and constant turmoil all seem to be a turn-on. It's hardly surprising then, to find that the most attractive fictional male characters in literature are usually bastards too.

But what are these bad boys' redeeming features, apart from the fact that your mother would disapprove of them? And if they have none, how can we know to identify and avoid these fiends in real life?

There are lessons to be salvaged from the heap of emotional wrecks that begin as our beloved literary heroines.

Take a closer look at our top five fictional bastards and you’ll see that it's not merely their unpleasant traits that make these men attractive. Many of them also possess that hint of unbridled passion and danger, usually coupled with a phobia of commitment, an enormous ego and appalling insensitivity.

The perfect man would be there with tea and sympathy when you needed it as well as providing spontaneous passion when you wanted that too. Unfortunately for us, the only place you'll find him is within the covers of a book. trable to the charms of the femme fatale Steinwood sisPhilip Marlowe ters, although he is not above The Big Sleep kissing one of them to obtain information. An unwavering "Get it through your lovesense of morality would probaly head. I work at it lady, I bly get quite tiresome after a don't play at it." while, but considering that he A fast talking, hard boiled is permanently in possession detective whose sharp wit, air of handcuffs and a loaded of danger and unobtainability gun, and has access to a host make him irresistible to of beautiful women, it is women. His dedication and extremely doubtful that he duty to his male client General would remain infallible.

Steinwood makes him impene-

“T

hey're out there.

Black boys in white suits up before me to commit sex acts in the hall and get it mopped up before I can catch them" begins Ken Kesey's hugely successful novel One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. In 1959, Kesey, a student at Stanford University, volunteered to take part in a government drug research program that tested the effects of the then legal hallucinogenic drugs psilocybin, LSD, mescaline and amphetamine. During a parttime orderly job at the psychiatric ward of a local hospital, while still feeling the effects of these chemicals, he began to have hallucinations. He envisioned a Native American sweeping the floors, and thus 'Chief Broom', the paranoid narrator of what would become his first novel, was born.

Kesey's ultimate goal was to break through the deeply rooted conformist thought of

“[e-mail:] Miss Jones,

Daniel Cleaver Bridget Jones’ Diary

Mortified to have caused offence. Will avoid all non PC overtones in the future. ps. like your tits in that top.”

She labels him emotional fuckwit, pervert, commitmentphobic, womaniser and cheat, yet Bridget can't seem to get enough of this lovable rogue.

It's not that this fictional bastard of the 90's doesn't make her feel good, rather that he'd be inclined to give her best friend/sister/mother/hairdresser the same treatment the following night. Expect excitement and laughs from this 'bona fide sex god', but never fidelity. " I am in no humour at present to give conse-

Mr Darcy

Pride and Prejudice (pictured above)

quence to young ladies who are slighted by other men."

A classic example of the man who thinks you'll never be good enough for him and is usually looking over his shoulder to see if he can find someone better. He is at first shockingly arrogant and snobbish, though still good looking (think of Colin Firth in those breeches…), but when he finds himself drawn to Lizzie Bennett despite her family's social position being 'so decidedly beneath my own', we gradually find out that he has a softer side.

Heathcliff Wuthering Heights

"[To his dying lover:] I have not broken your heart you have broken it and in breaking it you have broken mine."

He may be a bitter, unforgiving, rather sick individual showing his contempt for Cathy's besotted sister-in-law Isabella by hanging her puppy (and still she yearns for him!) but his uncompromising and enduring love for Cathy, coupled with a smouldering inward passion, would make him a complex and intense lover who is attractive despite his manipulative and vengeful nature.

"When we first met, me

Stan Kowalski A Streetcar Named Desire (pictured left)

and you, you thought I was common. How right you was baby. I was common as dirt."

Stanley, who is described in Streetcar as possessing 'animal joy' and bearing the 'emblem of the gaudy seed bearer' seems to be the embodiment of manliness, rough humour and sexual desire. There is definite appeal in a man who takes control- who can blame Stella when her 'eyes go blind with tenderness' as he lifts her off her feet? This perception of Stanley changes however when he rapes his sister-in-law Blanche, the bad-boy appeal having its obvious limits.

K

and the very odd assortment of guests - including members of the Hell's Angels - made the parties an experience that not all endured without physical and psychological consequences.

In 1964, following the successful publication of his second novel, Sometimes a Great Notion, Kesey bought an International Harvester school bus that he and the Merry Pranksters fitted out and painted in psychedelic colours, for their now legendary cross-country trip. With Neal Cassady at the wheel, they smoked dope, dropped acid and blasted music from the musical stage they'd built on top, astonishing hordes of bemused onlookers from state to state. "You're either on the bus, or you're off the bus," became the metaphor for the Merry Pranksters and was repeated endlessly (you had to be there) on their long journey, until their eventual

“What we hoped was that we could stop the coming end of the world.”

Ken Kesey American society. In the early 1960s, Neal Cassady (immortalized as Dean Moriarty in Kerouac's On the Road) showed up to meet the famous author and became the most celebrated member of Kesey's fledgling group, the ‘Merry Pranksters’.

The success of One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest provided Kesey with the notoriety and income to draw together his motley band of followers, and it was through their open use of psychoactive drugs, outrageous attire, and bizarre street performances, that the Psychedelic Era eventually took hold. As Kesey put it: "What we hoped was that we could stop the coming end of the world."

Following the publication of his first novel, the author moved with his wife and children and assorted Merry Pranksters to the mountains surrounding San Francisco.

There they began throwing the parties they referred to as Acid Tests, where revellers would ingest LSD, sometimes without their knowledge, and attempt to survive the often harrowing night.

The surrounding woods, with trees painted day-glo colours, dissonant music blasting from hidden speakers,

arrival in New York in July.

Writer Tom Wolfe captured the scene in his best-selling novel The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test just as the psychedelic movement was about to explode onto the world stage.

His breakneck, frenetic style perfectly depicted the wild, turbulent years when the Merry Pranksters rambled across the country and back, hiding out in Mexico, and staging some of the most outrageous public events ever conceived.

Eventually the government decided to make LSD illegal and Kesey and the Pranksters were forced to flee the country. After coming back to the U.S. to do one last performance, known as the ‘Acid Test Graduation,’ Ken and a few others were busted on a marijuana charge. Upon release from jail, he and his family moved to a farm in Pleasant Hill, Oregon, finally deciding to "settle down" - if that term means anything when used by Ken Kesey.

The legendary cultural icon died on November 10, 2001, following cancer surgery on his liver.

(Jon Bentham)

18/06/02 YORK VISION

An Inspector Calls...

BOOKS 33

INTERVIEW BLUFFER’S GUIDE William Wordsworth

Gervase Phinn is a nationally recognised best-selling author and former Yorkshire schools inspector. His latest book, Head Over Heels in the Dales is the third instalment in a series on his experiences as a Schools Inspector. Sharif Hamadeh talks to him about literature, league-tables and lamp-posts.

S

ome recent novels, J.K. Rowling’s for example, have blurred the boundary between adult and children's literature. What do you think accounts for this?

I don't like the distinction between children's literature and adults', because a lot of books that are ostensibly for children can equally be read by adults. I think if you've got a rattling good story like a Tolkein, or a Treasure Island, then it will be enjoyed by all.

Do you think that children and young people in general are reading enough these days?

No, I don't really. I think the average eleven year-old boy watches 30 hours of television a week, is likely to have a

Play Station, and a Game Boy, and reading takes second or third place.

Boys do not read anywhere near as much as girls. Even at some universities the women are outperforming the boys. They're outperforming the boys at A-level, and they beat the boys in every academic subject except for PE at GCSE level, and I think that has something to do with reading.

Because reading is a fundamental tool of learning, and you can't learn without being a good reader.

You've been an outspoken critic of exams. How do you view the SATS that seven year-olds are now required to take?

I don't agree with them. My young daughter who's 17 has had exams at 7, 11, 14, 16, 17, and now she'll have them at 18. I think it's completely ridiculous for youngsters to have so many tests. We spend all our time weighing the pig and not feeding it. I think children deserve - especially at the age of seven - to enjoy education, to have books read to them, drama, music, poetry…I think this constant testing of children is wrong.

Do you think that League Tables are healthy in education?

I think league tables are, like any kind

Magical Realism

“M

any years later, as he faced the firing squad, Colonel Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his father took him to discover ice": One Hundred Years of Solitude, by the Colombian Nobel Prize winner Gabriel Garcia Marquez, arguably contains all the classic traits of magical realism. The extraordinary novel (The New York Times claimed it as 'the first piece of literature since the Book of Genesis that should be required reading for the entire human race.') tells the story of the mythical town of Macondo through the tragic history of the Buendia family.

Pinning down a definitive meaning for the term 'magical realism' has proven both problematic and extremely controversial. It is usually characterized by elements of the fantastic - such as the entire town of Macondo being struck down with 'insomnia plague', residents sticking labels to everything in a desperate attempt to remember their names woven into the story with a deadpan sense of presentation. However some claim the term is a postcolonial

hangover, a category used by 'whites' to marginalize the fiction of the ‘other’. Others claim it is a passé literary trend, or just a way to cash in on the Latin American 'boom', removing the fiction in question from the world of serious literature.

Stephen Minta, York University lecturer and author of Garcia Marquez: Writer of Colombia, told Vision, 'Magical realism, both for its

Some claim the term is a postcolonial hangover, a category used by 'whites' to marginalize the fiction of the ‘other’.

practitioners and its audience, offered the irresistible, and no doubt illusory, promise of resolving an old dilemma: unlimited freedom for the imagination could apparently go hand in hand with political responsibility. It is no accident that the most famous magical realists, like Garcia Marquez

of statistic, helpful. Lord Mackenzie spoke once about the police, saying, "Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man: they offer some support but don't eradicate the problem."

It's too simplistic to say this is a good school because it's near the top; this is a poor school because it's near the bottom.

Would you agree with David Blunkett that the children of asylum seekers are having a 'swamping' effect on some British schools?

Well, I was disappointed with that particular phrase. I respect David Blunkett greatly, and I think that he really does have the interests of young people at heart. We all make

“We spend all our time weighing the pig and not feeding it.” slips of the tongue, but I don't think 'swamp' is the most appropriate word to use. I worry about the growing racism in this society. I've got four children, and if I'd lost everything, and my children had nothing, I would walk through the Channel Tunnel with bare

feet to get them a better life. I think that we, as a society, have a responsibility: those who have quite a lot to look after those who do not have much. One should accept that children from different cultures, ways of life, nationalities, and with different languages add a great richness to society.

Do you think that the financial incentives that are currently offered to students to train in education are a productive method of attracting young people to teaching?

No, I don't like that idea. I was speaking to young teachers recently who came out of university, and they have a vocation to do it. They like young people, they get on with young people, they want to teach a subject, or teach a child, and it's an excellent job, I think it's the best job in the world.

But there is a problem with recruiting people to go in to teaching. I think teachers here should be accorded the prestige and respect that those on the continent enjoy.

If there's one quality that you could attribute to good teaching, what would it be?

Passion. Enthusiasm is infectious.

HAVE YOU NEVER READ...? of Colombia or Vargas Llosa of Peru, came from, and wrote almost exclusively about, countries with terrifying social problems.'

The sheer range of backgrounds from which an agreed ‘canon’ would be drawn is impressive to say the least: Salman Rushdie's Midnight's Children, Australian Peter Carey's Illywhaker, and Czech writer Milan Kundera's Immortality are all considered essential texts for those wishing a fuller understanding of the ‘genre.’

Another critic insists that it is 'a literary mode rather than a distinguishable genre, aiming to seize the paradox of the union of opposites. It challenges polar opposites like life and death and the pre-colonial past versus the post-industrial present.

Magical realism is characterized by two conflicting perspectives, one based on a rational view of reality and the other on the acceptance of the supernatural as prosaic reality.'’

And if your eyes glazed over entirely at that last paragraph of thrilling literary theory, fear not, there's a cure for your sleep-induced state, and it lies in one of the finest novels of the century: A Spanish galleon beached in a jungle, a woman who ascends to heaven whilst hanging laundry, another with an iguana in

BOOKMARK

her womb, and enough incest to keep those with even the shortest attention spans turning pages. One Hundred Years of Solitude should indeed be required reading for the entire human race, and stands at the pinnacle of what we understand to be 'magical realism' - no matter who's definition you use.

(Jon Bentham)

POETRY WORKSHOP

P

rize-winning poet Paul Henry, interviewed in the previous issue of Vision, has kindly agreed to preside over our latest addition to the Books Section — Poetry Workshop.

Each issue we plan to showcase the very best of York University's creative talent — Paul picking out his favourites from the efforts of students, with a few words of explana-

tion as to why they stood out from the crowd. A series of general pointers for those wishing to avoid the common pitfalls of the amateur poet is also on the agenda.

Paul's credentials are certainly impressive. A creative writing tutor at the University of Glamorgan, his most recent collection, The Milk Thief, was warmly received by the TLS (Times Literary Supplement), their critic drawing comparisons with Seamus Heaney, as well as praising it as 'a book which works hard to find, like William Carlos Williams, its brightness in bits of broken green glass and fragments of the marvellous.'

The poetry periodical Thumbscrew, also admired the subtlety of his work: 'Henry's great strength is his sense of mystery, his ability to present suggestive and often very

beautiful images without dotting all the i's and crossing all the t's.'

To kick-off our new section, Paul has kindly allowed us a sneak preview of his forthcoming collection its title poem, The Slipped Leash, first published in the TLS. Discussing family and people as metaphors for global concerns in last issue's interview, Paul revealed that 'The Slipped Leash is about displacement, about how more and more of us are not rooted in any real community.'

The Slipped Leash It sways from a branch out the back and from it hangs a nut cage.

The handstrap still whiffs of him for all the wind and rain sea dog, country dog.

What misfits we'd have made, haunting this town's streets, our walks cut into neat desperate portions of breath.

Now he's free and I stay in

If you would like your poems or short prose-poetry to be considered

by Paul for the next issue of Vision, e-mail them to . . . books@ vision.york.ac.uk (Jon Bentham)

Why you should know about him: Wordsworth, a poet in the early 19th century, has been said to have determined the content of more than a century's poetry. He attacked the elaborate poetic diction of the 18th century and instead aimed to use the language of the 'common man'. In a collaboration with Coleridge, Wordsworth published Lyrical Ballads, a text still widely read and studied today. Learning a few lines by the poet who said that poetry "is carried alive into the heart by passion" is a sure way to impress.

A brief summary of a poem: ‘Lines Composed a Few Miles Above Tintern Abbey’: Wordsworth discusses returning to a scene after five years away from it. He tells of how he has changed since he first visited the setting and confesses to being a nature worshipper.

Key phrases: 'Nature never did betray/ The heart that loved her', 'When these wild ecstasies shall be matured/ Into sober pleasure; when thy mind/ shall be a mansion'.

The ‘Lucy’ Poems: Wordsworth attempts to come to terms with the prospect of death and loss by imagining a loved one, 'Lucy', dying.

Lines to mention: for all of you Romeos, lines Wordsworth uses to show beauty are; "fair as a star, when only one/ Is shining in the sky" and "A lovelier flower/ On earth was never sown" are sure to be winners.

Some observations to drop into conversation: 'Wordsworth showed a revolutionary response to an increasingly scientific age. ' 'Don’t you think it was daring of Wordsworth to want to share his experiences with everyday members of society.'

Don't Mention: “I wandered lonely as a cloud” (hackneyed stuff), his French lover and love child…

(Cathy Baldwin)

and the nut cage swings with winter at its wire and someone else's dog barks.

Paul Henry

Gabriel Garcia Marquez

www.themodernword.com/gabo/ 'A noisy city with houses having mirror walls rose up… a name he had never heard, that had no meaning at all, a supernatural echo in his dream' . . . begins Macondo, the definitive website of 'one of the world's greatest living authors' Colombian hero Gabriel Garcia Marquez.

Macondo hosts an awesome array of 'Gabo' related info, and all with a suitably dream-like backdrop for the father of magical realism.

View the moustachioed man in the Picture Gallery, catch up on all the latest in News, and marvel at the ridiculous number of links.

(Jon Bentham)

34 SPORT

18/06/02 YORK VISION

Vision’s man in Japan Having wrangled a two-week break from the University and with no expense spared, Vision has sent our man Sunset Sam to the Far East for the Greatest Show on Earth.

We know you’ve seen the games, but read on for the real story behind England’s World Cup adventure

England vs. SWEDEN

WATCHING football in Japan is as about as far away from the English experience as you can imagine.

The game’s the same and England play quite poorly in their first match, but that’s where the similarity ends.

There is no shuffling forward in huge crowds towards a few tiny turnstiles, no urinating in the street, no endless delays, and rather distressingly there are no pies.

The train pulls up to the station dead on time, and the England fans stream off enmasse, directed by helpful assisatants towards specially laid-on buses.

These buses arrive every two minutes so there’s no waiting around. The buses make their way seemlessly through the traffic to the magnificent stadium.

After a quick search, you are directed to the area of the ground in which you are sitting. Wandering past a smug looking David Baddiel, I take my seat amongst the other England fans.

The view from almost all the seats is magnificent — there are huge screens at both

ends of the ground, helicopters fly above, and the sun sets over the stadium.

It’s difficult to believe this is a real match and that I’m not simply an extra in some Mastercard or Playstation advert.

During the first half England are surprisingly good, and my enjoyment is spoilt only by the eccentric old man sitting behind me, giving a running commentary on the game.

“Good boy Michael”, “We love it Becks, now put it down the wing”, “Sol, Sol, what are you doing?” etc.

The high point comes as Darius Vassel goes down injured and he shouts “Oh no! Is that Owen?”, despite the twenty-foot high TV image of Vassell in front of us proving the contrary. He is joined by equally mad friends who all chat about the “Japs” in words of praise.

Indeed the relationship between the English and the Japanese has been excellent.

In the bars around Saitama and Tokyo you can often see groups of English and Japanese fans chatting

together a n d sharing a beer.

M o s t of the Japanese people at the ground seem to be supporting England (or as the man behind me puts it, “The natives are with us”).

They seem to go into a sort of awe-struck trance every time Beckham or Owen touches the ball.

In one incident, as we passed a policeman on duty, an Englishman pushed his Japanese colleague towards the man and shouts “him hooligan”. This leads to profuse apologies from the slightly drunken Japanese guy to the police, and laughter all round from the English.

As the final whistle goes the army of England fans marches off half disappointed but largely unsuprised.

After the game we are forced to wait some five minutes for a bus. This is irritating until you remember that in England they would have probably cancelled it all together.

England vs. NIGERIA THERE was a carnival atmosphere all over Osaka on Wednesday.

England`s first afternoon game gave everybody the opportunity to sit out in the park, have a chat, a few beers, and relax.

The weight of expectation was off our shouldiers. We could look forward to a comfortable win and an easy game against Senegal.

All the talk was of how to get to Oita in the deep south of Japan.

Before the match, England fans took turns at taking penalties against Nigerian fans in goal.

The Nigerians, whose ball it was, looked slightly miffed

as Englishman after Englishman ran up and booted the ball as far away as possible, before shouting “have it”, and collapsing in laughter.

The massed ranks of England fans sparkled red and white under the afternoon sun and looked magnificent.

Unfortunately this was the only English thing that did sparkle, as the football was atrocious.

Sven Goran Ericksson`s game plan seemed to have been to play for the draw, hope the other result went his way and avoid a game in the heat of Oita.

Everyone was in on this except Sol Campbell, who seemed to be playing a bizarre

practical joke on Rio Ferdinand by constanly forcing the Leeds captain to cover his mistakes.

The game ended as tamely as it had begun. Though we have secured qualification for the second round (which is impressive enough given our group), I can’t help feeling that it’s a betrayal of the 10,000 odd England fans who gave up so much to be here, to play such negative football.

Never mind. All we be forgiven if, or when, we win the tournament.

God Save the Queen, I`m off to arrange a fight on my

JOY: Sinclair, Beckham and Heskey celebrate

JUBILATION: England fans celebrate during the match against Sweden

England vs. ARGENTINA SAPPORO is swarming with English people. Sometimes it seems there are more English here than Japanese.

However, not all of them are bona fide football fans.

There are a significant number of casual supporters who are trying to hijack this game from the ordinary fan.

Without being sexist, it has to be said that a large number of this type are female. I find myself in a packed bar with loads of fans, watching World Cup highlights.

As the TV shows eleven men with long hair, wearing blue and white tracksuits with the word Italia emblazoned across them, singing the Italian national anthem, a large women crows “Oh is that the Italians?”.

“No” comes the shout from across the bar, “Its the South Koreans in disguise”.

As usual a fight very nearly breaks out.

I have been stuck in a hotel with 2,000 other England fans miles from the centre of town. The rumour is that this is deliberate, although I think the Japanese have decided that some English fans should lose their beer guts by walking a bit.

Due to brilliant planning

by FIFA the game kicks off at 8.30 here. This means that not only is accommodation essential, but the fans have the chance to spend all day in the park drinking.

Surprisingly England fans grab this chance with both hands. The central park is covered with flags, banners, and sunburnt drunkards.

The atmosphere is however relaxed and cheerful.

Getting into the stadium takes ages, and it’s a nice reminder of home as we shuffle forward in huge numbers towards two tiny security gates.

Once in my seat the atmosphere is incredible. There are at least 15,000 England fans here and it seems like a home

game.

The roof rather than killing the atmosphere helps to enhance it.

But as kick off approaches the ambience fades. I start to notice that I’m surrounded by gentlemen who can only be described as very hard indeed.

During the national anthem, there are one arm salutes all around me (the Japanese look on smiling, not understanding).

Half way through God Save the Queen, the gentlemen next to me who has clearly been drinking all day, decides to stand on his chair.

This doesn`t go down well with the people behind him.

And it goes down even less well with the people in front of him when he topples off and crashes through the two rows below us.

The Swedish national

Argentinans.

“Come on England, fight like your fans do” he screams..

I make a mental note to avoid him in the park afterwards.

The abuse grew less and less intense as England took the lead and the fans shouted themselves hoarse.

In the second half, a portly gentlemen a few rows behind me, who had obviously had a couple of drinks, responded to the intense climax of the game by falling asleep in his chair.

Quite how this is possible when you are surrounded by 35,000 screaming fans and international football of the highest class is beyond me.

The euphoria at the final whistle was immense, and everyone headed of to the park to celebrate a famous victory.

In the queue for the buses, a lad turned to me and said, “all we need now is a fight in the park and to find a prossie, and it will be the perfect evening”.

I agreed enthusiastically, before remembering that I OUT: Veron and Lopez needed to catch a different bus.

In all fairness to the anthem had been observed Japanese, the match was perfectly at Saitama. very well policed and the Here, such is the noise that armosphere good natured you wouldn’t have noticed the and enthusiastic throughArgentine anthem had been out. playing if it weren’t for the It may well have been players standing to attention. different if England had lost The game finally kicks off, but who can say? And quite and the bloke next to me has frankly, who cares? been moved to the aisle for his We aren’t the ones who own protection. The noise is are going to be booking our ferocious. flights home tomorrow.

A lad a few rows back Onwards and upwards! spends the first half an hour shouting the most profane abuse imaginable at the

18/06/02 YORK VISION

SPORT 35

Down to the wire

The best of York colleges’ sporting talent was in action last week at the annual Athletics meeting.

Jamie Coggans and Jonny Morgan report from the midst of the battle

CLINCHER: Men’s 100m too close to call

TUG OF WAR

Other winners Men's 400m - Tim Livson, Derwent Men's High Jump - Chris Oldfield, Vanbrugh Men's Javelin - Ramsay, James Men's Long Jump - Chris, Vanbrugh Women's 1500m - Zoe, Goodricke Women's 400m - Mary Ann, Alcuin Women's Javelin - Katy Alexander, James Women's 800m - Helen Dickson, Goodricke

College sport round-up GOODRICKE

71.5

HALIFAX

63.5

The crowds were presented with a treat as the hotly contested tug of war competition got under way.

The overcast and blustery conditions did nothing to reduce the enthusiasm of competitors and fans, and the event provided an exciting centrepiece to the day's events.

Goodricke met James in the final after progressing easily through the group stages.

The Goodies won comfortably against Langwith and Vanburgh 3-0, just as James had made light work of Alcuin with another 3-0 result, setting

the scene for an explosive final.

Both teams were fired up for victory, and with the crowd cheering both sides on it looked decidedly close.

James attacked Goodricke — with some co-ordinated shouting from their anchorman they took the first pull.

Goodricke came back strong and with much support from the crowd found their stride. Their efficient technique ultimately rewarded them with a 3-1 victory.

Solid anchorman Joseph Badham seemed unfazed by James' initial success, stating in most sportsman like of fashions, "They were rubbish, my granny can pull harder than that!"

Drama at Athletics Day

VANBRUGH

58

HALIFAX

56

ALCUIN

51.5

LANGWITH

37.5

DERWENT

26

The sprint events produced a high level of competition amongst the colleges this year, culminating in the men's 100m final.

University rugby winger Sam Codrington of Alcuin won by a nose. James’ sports rep Lorraine Burlinson won the women's 100m final after apparently only entering “to make up the numbers”.

The 200m sprints also provided an exciting spectacle in both the women and men's events.

Lucy Horitz of Halifax won the women's event in a fast

paced final. The men's final saw first year James Glisson of Langwith giving his college their only win of the day.

Glisson was proud of his performance, saying "I'm happy that I've won, I only came third in the heats!"

"I haven't run for about ten years!" he claimed.

In the sprint relays, the women's 4 x 100m was won by James with Alcuin coming second and Derwent third.

The men's 4 x 100m relay saw a narrow victory for Vanburgh over Alcuin with Goodricke in third position.

LONG DISTANCE

CONTINUED FROM BACK PAGE

James won both the men and women's javelin event — Katy Alexander won by a staggering 28.3 metres.

Vanburgh also put on a good show to win the men's 4 x 400m relay with Derwent second and Halifax third.

Incoming AU president Brendan O'Donovan was delighted with the day’s events. "I organised the tournament last year and know how difficult it can be,” he said.

Meanwhile, in the 800m walk Aaron Burt was strides ahead of the competition and won the event in impressive fashion.

"Having pulled ahead on the first lap, I knew victory was mine," said the 6' 7" student. Aaron won the event last year and aims to win again next year to retire undefeated.

SPRINT EVENTS

LOB: Halifax’s Rob Collyer gives it his best shot

Andy Hilton from Derwent produced two of the most accomplished performances of the afternoon in the 1500m and 3000m races.

The member of the local Nestle Roundtree Athletics club won both events.

After a convincing victory in the 1500m, running a confident race and never looking troubled, Hilton emphasised that longer races were his speciality.

This was proved in the 3000m despite a fantastic performance by Vanburgh runner Hywel Care.

Care led Hilton for the entire race and looked like a

certain winner, but the pair came together with just 150 meters to go.

Separated by the slightest of margins after a finish closer than some of the sprints, Hilton beat the dominant Care by 0.3 seconds.

Hilton was impressed with the level of competition and was keen to get students more interested saying.

"There are some good runners about. There's no university running club but if anyone wants to get involved just go to the sports centre and ask for my club's number," he said.

Yorkies reach for stars John Hyde THE SEASON may be long since finished but at Bootham Crescent the speculation and anticipation is reaching fever pitch A number of changes both on and off the pitch have increased hope that the Minstermen can have a spectacular 2002/03 season.

Chairman John Batchelor has claimed that York's aim for next season is promotion, and has promised to provide the support to make that dream a reality.

Crucial to this will be the work of newly-installed Luther Blissett, who has joined the club to work as part of Terry Dolan's coaching team.

Blissett, who has played for Watford, AC Milan and England, has been out of work since leaving his post as Watford Assistant Manager last summer, and will work specifically on

Correction

VISION got the winners of the Boat Club open race wrong in our last edition. The event was actually won by Andy Baldwin, Jason Cornish, Tim Friend and William Popham, with Stuart Doxford coxing.

Congratulations to them.

the attacking aspects of the team.

At the same time, Batchelor also plans a radical overhaul of the way the club is run as a whole.

As part of the rebranding the club have released a new badge, which incorporates the motor racing and football aspects of Batchelor's businesses.

The new crest has led to supporter's anger that the traditional elements of the club are being taken away, though this is a claim the York supremo vehemently rejects.

The City chairman meanwhile promised to create a "great match day feel" at Bootham Crescent next season. "When you come along to the first game in August you will see a massive, massive difference," he said.

That season will start with fixtures against Macclesfield and Shrewsbury, games from which Dolan will look to repeat last season's promising opening.

City will also host Premiership giants Middles-brough and Sunderland as part of their build-up to the new campaign.

On the playing front, Dolan has stated that he would like to add to the squad before the big kick-off. Star names such as Paul Gascoigne and Stuart McCall have been lauded but nothing has yet materialised.

It may well be some weeks before Dolan can assess exactly who is available and the finances with which he has to work, though Batchelor has stated his intention to get former loan striker Michael Proctor back to the club.

Darren Edmondson and England Under-21 prospect Russell Howarth have yet to sign new contracts and they may well leave Bootham Crescent sooner rather than later.

Overall, the outlook is fresh and positive. New signings, increased confidence and a revitalised atmosphere all suggest that success may just be around the corner.

And who knows, what might happen next year? Could we be seeing the Third Division Champions at Bootham Crescent?

Canoe club Congratulations go out to the University Canoe Club for a magnificent fundraising effort.

The Club raised £618.53 for the AU charity of the year, the Cumbria Mountain Rescue.

The total is over half as much as the money raised by other clubs put together.

The cheque was presented to Martin Styles yesterday by the Club.

PHOTO ROB HARRIS

VISION SPORT

CHEERING ON SVEN’S BOYS

TUESDAY JUNE 18 2002

ISSUE 139

Colleges battle it out in sprint finish PULL: The tug of war event rages on

Jamie Coggans THE sporting season has draw to a close in dramatic fashion in the last few weeks as James college stole a march on their rivals to seize pole position in the inter-college league.

Reigning champions Goodricke are now eight points off the pace with only a few events still to play in what promises to be the most closely fought contest in years.

Vanbrugh now lie third and Halifax fourth in a closely packed table.

More drama unfolded at Athletics day last Wednesday as each college sought to end the season on a high.

Goodricke grabbed the event with Vanbrugh and James close behind.

Intense rivalry from both the crowd and the competitors ensured the meeting was a great success.

Strong performances were seen in all traditional track and field events, while other events such as ultimate frisbee, tug of war and volleyball added an extra dimension to the day's proceedings.

Goodricke set the standard by winning the first event of ultimate frisbee in a final against Vanburgh.

They maintained their early lead through eight events before Vanburgh pulled level with them.

But assured performances in the track events ensured maximum points, allowing them to keep track of a resurgent James.

AU Vice-President and James student Nat Hewison was delighted with the day’s results.

She told Vision: “The day ran quite smoothly, there were loads of competitors and supporters, especially the tug of war!”

In other events, Zoe Vale of Goodricke won the 1500m women’s, while her teamate Alan Twine, an exrunner for Southern England schoolboys, convincingly took the men's 800m final.

James college had a solid performances in the volleyball final in which they beat Goodricke 21 - 6. They also soared to first place in the women's high jump though Nat Hewison.

Vanburgh achieved first and second in the men's shot thanks to Andrew Shafen and Mathew Belk, with a winning distance was 10.75 metres. Hannah Roe of Alcuin took the women’s event.

Continued on page 35

Tuesday Wk 10 8.30pm - 2.00am Dress Code: Summer Smart

R.O.A.R.

Photo I.D. Required

Strobe Lights may be used