Issue 144

LECTURER ARRESTED

YORK VISION

GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

Police probe wife’s death l PAGE 3

WWW.YORKVISION.CO.UK

THURSDAY FEBRUARY 13TH 2003

iSSUE 144

BATTLE OF THE BANDS WINNER

Hey hey! It’s the Monakees l PAGE

YOU’RE A LOAD OF RICH KIDS

6

RAG ON PARADE l P19

Admin chief's money top-up blunder

BY TOM HAZELDINE

EXCLUSIVE

ONE OF York’s top directors has made an embarrassing blunder on top-up fees.

Graham Gilbert, head of Finance, said most students are rich kids from private schools.

He claimed fees of up to £3,000 would be a bargain for toffee-nosed parents. Many are “used to paying far more for education”, he explained.

His remarks have been greeted with derision by colleagues who labelled them “crazy” and “simplistic”.

The University said it had not decided whether to introduce top-up fees in 2006.

Meanwhile Vice Chancellor Brian Cantor has sparked a bad-tempered row with the Department for Education.

Cantor is fuming at Government pressure to recruit more students from poor backgrounds.

He said plans to install an Access Regulator would mean “an unnecessary extra layer of bureaucracy”.

80 per cent of York students come from state schools. l FULL STORY PAGE 2

Derwent Rag revellers at the parade on Saturday

2 NEWS

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

FINANCE BOSS SPARKS OUTRAGE AFTER RICH KIDS

LOADSAMONEY

THE HEAD of York's Finance department BY TOM HAZELDINE has been accused of “appalling elitism” after an astonishing interview with Vision. York plans to introduce higher fees.

Graham Gilbert, a qualified accountant, said stu- But Mr Gilbert, one of his most senior members of dents could easily afford to pay higher fees because of staff, said he thought top-up fees would be “a change for the better”. their privileged backgrounds.

In an embarrassing slip, he said: “A lot of kids He warned the university was risking being left currently in the system are coming from private behind unless it makes the change, arguing: “York would not be able to do things that other places could.” schools.

“Their parents are used to paying far more for their His remarks have exposed deep divisions inside education, so this will still be a reduction in their Heslington Hall.

Staff in charge of admissions fear top-up fees annual outlay.”

The University has been quick to distance itself could wreck their drive for social inclusion.

Admissions Director Connie Cullen said the prosfrom his tactless comments.

Official spokesperson Hilary Layton said it was “a pect of graduating with “a mountain of debt” may deter kids from poorer backgrounds. slightly simplistic argument”.

She pointed out that students, not their parents, Top-up fees are due to begin in 2006 - which gives some breathing space before a decision must be made will have to pay the fees after they graduate.

Admissions Director Connie Cullen said: “To base public. a whole policy on the fact that a minority of people Much will depend on what happens in Oxbridge and other leading universities. Spokesperson Hilary have paid more in the past would be crazy.”

Layton said York was “in a state of limbo”.

Union president Tom Connor said it was  THE Daily Mail has claimed that many “appalling elitism”. students may go bankrupt to avoid paying “Higher fees are going to have a huge back their fees. Changes to the insolvency impact,” he added. laws mean students could wipe off their debts Mr Gilbert was forced to backtrack and be discharged within a year. when Vision reminded him that 80 per NUS president Mandy Telford warned: cent of York students come from state “Students are a canny lot and they will cotton schools. on to this quickly.” But the government has He admitted that higher fees warned it will amend legislation to close would be “more of a concern here the loophole. than elsewhere”. Universities A spokesman for the Department of will require “ingenious” bursaEducation told Vision: “Graduates ry schemes to promote access, should not see bankruptcy as an easy he said. route to clearing their debts.”

Connie Cullen: Gilbert’s Vice-Chancellor Brian comments were ‘crazy’ Cantor has refused to say if

York tells Blair: We DO let in poor students

YORK is at loggerheads with the Government over a key aspect of its student reform package, writes

Tom Hazeldine.

The University could face financial penalties unless it falls into line.

Labour wants to introduce an ‘Access Regulator’ forcing universities to recruit students from poor backgrounds.

The plan has been rubbished by the Vice Chancellor who said it would mean “an unnecessary extra layer of bureaucracy”.

Brian Cantor said York was already working hard to promote access and was “concerned” by the threat of more regulation.

But the Government has threatened to fine the university AND stop York raising fee levels if its admissions strategy is not up to scratch.

A spokesman for the Department of Education told Vision: “The Access Regulator will ensure no university can charge variable fees unless they widen access and hunt out talent from poor backgrounds.”

He added: “If it is clear that an institution has broken its access agreement the Regulator has the right to impose financial sanctions or withdraw the right to charge variable fees.”

But York has refused to back down. Spokesperson Hilary Layton said the university had run out of patience with Government meddling.

“We are fed up spending all our time preparing for inspection.

“They are proposing to inspect

something that is already being inspected – what's the point of that?”

Admissions Director Connie Cullen said the university was doing all it could.

She argued York already had ‘widening participation’ schemes in place and reported annually to Whitehall.

“I am not sure what an access regulator is going to add.”

“On the face of it, it's a job already being done.”

Campus Lib Dems Helen Greaves and Ceredig JamiesonBall present a 1,000 name antitop up fees petition to Deputy VC, Felicity Riddy.

She told them that the fees could be “very harmful”

£30 fine for the student who paid his tuition fees . . . with a bucket of pennies WHEN Nat Thwaites-Mcgowan tried to pay his fees in loose n change, staff threatened to boot him out of university. The second year Halifax student was saved when Director of

Finance Graham Gilbert intervened. Mr Gilbert demanded a £30 charge for the cost of counting and bagging the coins. Nat has so far offered him ten.

Nat hands over the box of pennies

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

NEWS 3 The welcoming party at Central Hall

The annual provincial lunch in Langwith dining room

‘Secret’ Masons hand shake as they arrive at Central Hall

The order of precedings

NEW TWIST IN ROD HILLS SAGA

LECTURER ARRESTED Carol Wallace also York academic YORK lecturer Rod Hills has been arrest- BY ROB HARRIS ed and questioned by police over the death of his wife, Carol Wallace, who was Mr Hills.

They had been for a drink after a council also an academic at the university.

ROD HILLS: Police due to question him again today

He is due to be quizzed further today (Thursday) by York police in connection with her death in December 2000.

Mr Hills, who was sacked as leader of York City council last year, has spoken of his agony at having the death “raked up” in this new probe.

In a statement released through his solicitor last week, history lecturer Hills confirmed: “Earlier this week I was arrested in connection with my wife’s death in December 2000.

“I was devastated by Carol’s death and having it all raked up now is very painful after what I have been through during the last eight months.

“I will be meeting with the police next Thursday, the 13th February. I would like to say more after that meeting.”

The York Evening Press has reported a reinvestigation of the circumstances surrounding her sudden death, with police speaking to members of Ms Wallace’s family.

Carol Wallace, who lectured in language and linguistics, was found dead at the couple’s Huntington Road house in the early hours of 19th December, 2000.

An inquest in June 2001 concluded that Ms Wallace, 49, died from head injuries caused by falling down the stairs, following a night out with

meeting and went for a meal before returning home.

Mr Hills told the inquest that he had gone to bed before his wife, but awoke in the early hours and found her collapsed at the foot of the stairs.

An ambulance was called, but Ms Wallace was pronounced dead.

The coroner recorded a verdict of “accidental death”, and at the time detectives concluded that there were no suspicious circumstances.

In December 2002 Rod Hills was cleared of a number of allegations including blackmail, witness intimidation, perverting the course of justice, solicting a woman for prostitution and wasting police time.

He apologised, through Vision, to his students for letting them down during his eight-month ordeal.

“I’d like to apologise to my students. I’m sorry I’ve had to put them out,” he said.

Mr Hills also thanked those on campus for their backing: “The university institutions have been very kind and immensely supportive to me.

I owe them an immense debt.”

(This information was correct at the time of going to press)

CAROL WALLACE: Linguistics lecturer died in 2000

4 NEWS

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

TONY BENN DEFENDS HIS TALK WITH

NO STOOGE From Baghdad palace to Central Hall in 72 hours

BY TOM HAZELDINE

LOOK WHAT TONY’S TXTING YES SADDAM, DEFINITELY BOMB YORK. THEY’RE ALL

PR failure of ‘Stop the War’ activists

BY SONIA MULLETT

STUDENTS Against the War displayed a dismal grasp of public relations last week — by refusing to have their pictures taken.

After inviting Vision reporters to a meeting on the eve of Tony Benn’s visit, the 40-strong crowd told them to clear off.

The secretive society voted not to allow any press coverage of their meetings, in a move that embarrassed their rank and file.

SAW chair Sam Southgate later apologized profusely to Vision.

He claimed the decision had been “borne out of difficult circumstances and confusion.”

Another insider added: “People have got to be pre-

pared to put aside political and personal agendas”.

Union Welfare officer Gary Loke said SAW should not be so uptight.

“It should be clear whether a meeting is fully open or not.

“A society can’t chose to exclude a member from a different society.”

SAW was set up in October 2001 during the war in Afghanistan.

It currently has 40 active members and 300 subscribers.

The group has staged a peace gig in Fibbers and a candle lit vigil outside Fulford army barracks.

Its biggest achievements to date came when an anti-war motion was voted through an Emergency General Meeting – making it official Union policy.

paigner fiercely denied being the stooge of Saddam.

He said: “Saddam is a brutal dictator – don’t make any mistake about that.

“All I did was try. I couldn’t have forgiven myself if I didn’t make the effort.”

A capacity crowd of 1,061 heard Mr Benn speak for an hour in his first public appearance since flying back from Baghdad.

He admitted he did not believe Saddam when the Iraqi leader denied having weapons of mass destruction.

But he did believe that Iraq has no links with al-Qaeda.

Saddam was “passionately opposed” to Islamic fundamentalism, he argued.

Mr Benn rejected the case for war with or without a second UN resolution because of the suffering it would cause the Iraqi people.

“When I was in Baghdad I saw children playing and I thought: ‘how many will be dead in a month?’”

He said the world should put its faith in the UN inspection process and warned that America is pushing for military action to satisfy its thirst for oil.

Mr Benn scoffed at the idea of ‘regime change’ and said the only way to deal with Saddam was to remove sanctions.

“We couldn’t have solved apartheid by bombing South Africa.

“The best way to get rid of Saddam is to lift the sanctions, then the Iraqi people will gradually get rid of him.”

He added: “I have never known an American occupation to lead to democracy.

“Can you ever imagine an American general running Iraq? The thing is ludicrous.”

Repeating remarks made by President Bush about launching a “crusade” against terror, Mr Benn said war could do lasting damage to relations between Christians and Muslims.

“I don’t think he’s heard of the Crusades, but they are remembered in the Arab world.”

As he rose to leave, the 77 year old gave one last message of goodwill.

He said: “I hope you make a better job of building a peaceful world than we managed, because we

TONY Benn has called on York students to join the worldwide movement against war on Iraq.

Fresh back from his extraordinary interview with Saddam Hussein, the former Labour MP warned that military action could “sign the death warrant of the human race”.

He told a packed Central Hall that Britain must put the brakes on the slide to war.

“Blair has the power to stop the war. America does not want to go it alone. What they want is the political cover.”

Vision asked Mr Benn if there was a danger of being seen to appease the Iraqi tyrant.

But the veteran peace cam-

Tony Benn speaks to the 1,100 capacity crowd in Central Hall last week PHOTOS: ROB HARRIS

Bush’s war views come

BY DAVID SLATER AMERICA is not convinced. That was the problem facing George Bush as he delivered his State of the Union address last month.

Support for a confrontation with Iraq — even with UN backing — has plummeted from 74% last November to only 52%. Some polls put opposition to war without the UN as high as 70% or more.

Bush’s speech is unlikely to have convinced anyone. How could it when it did nothing but repeat the same mantra that the world has been subjected to ever since his last State of the Union speech? His appeals would be more persuasive had his administration not consistently obstructed inspections of its own stocks of chemical and biological weaponry.

His address might also have been more convincing if the UN Security Council were not an international oligarchy of countries, all equipped with weapons of mass destruction, its consent bought by dodgy deals over Chechnya, Georgia and French oil contracts.

The self defence claim is the central point to the pro-war rhetoric. Long sections of Bush’s speech could have come straight from a post apocalyptic movie. Saddam, we are told, is developing weapons that would allow him to “dominate, intimidate, or attack” his neighbours or the West.

Is this really the case? Iraq faces some 10,500 American nukes and the nuclear capacities of Israel and Britain. Geoff Hoon said last week that if Iraq acted aggressively, or attempted to use its supposed weapons of mass destruc-

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

NEWS 5

‘BRUTAL DICTATOR’ TO 1,100

OF SADDAM ADRIAN BUTLER

Front row seat

Americans.

“I’m not in New York, I’m in the old York,” he said at one point, to an interviewer who must have wondered what he’d got himself into.

Despite holding the packed hall’s attention, now and then Benn came across as a bit naïve and occasionally rambling.

But no one could doubt his integrity – he’s no “stooge of Saddam”, or any of the other daft charges the press have levelled against him.

In fact, as we discovered, the scariest thing about the man is his “Nokia Tune” ringtone, which blared out across the PA. IKE a posh crowd at Wimbledon waiting for the streaker, everyone wanted to see Tony Benn’s pipe. But as the cloth bag of baccy came out of his wooly cardigan, the boys and girls from Stop the War started to look uneasy.

Before the plummy voiced statesman arrived, one of their members had told me “If he gets his pipe out, I’m going on stage to stop him.” Yeah right. resistance from Emma.

It was left to a sheepish Emma Although having to spray her Blakey, the York SAW member shirt with Fabreeze when she got up on stage with Benn, to take the home was the least of her worries. great man to task.

The poor girl had the inenvi“Sorry…er…it’s no smoking able job of controlling the audiin here,” she murmured ence – which included some of the The country’s most famous biggest bores at the University. pipe enthusiast politely ignored Clown after clown got up and her, and started off on a wellshouted the odds. And question worn anecdote: “I am a smoker after question consisted of odd for those of you who would be streams of conciousness from interested to hear it. people whose gift for a snappy “In the US a few years ago I sentence make Saddam Hussein told a group of people that I’m look like Oscar Wilde. beginning to learn about Did they all lose a bet, or are American culture: they really that thick?

“I cannot smoke my pipe, but In a bid to tone down the testoI can carry a gun.” sterone, or perhaps so he could Benn duly sparked up, and work his legendary charm, he soon Central Hall was smelling asked for a question from a like a slow afternoon at the woman.

Garrick Club.

“Are there any women here?”

And as pipes go, it’s certainly he said hopefully. seen some action.

As you’d expect, the gallant If you’ve tarred your lungs in old Etonian was the model of the Presidential Palace at politeness in his replies, letting Baghdad, surrounded by the everyone have their say – and henchmen of the working overtime to turn their world’s most bruquestions into intelligent tal dicator, ones. you’re not And he can work a going to be crowd like no one else, too congetting students to cheer cerned over down the phone when clashing with US network CSPAN our own securang him up. He stayed rity chief Ken on stage and let us all Batten. There listen in as he did an was no more interview in front of 20 million

L

from a post-apocalyptic movie tion, it would be wiped off the face of the planet. Who is doing the intimidating there?

The most important claim Bush made was that “Saddam Hussein aids and protects terrorists, including members of alQaeda.” He outlined a doomsday scenario where Iraqi chemical or biological weapons were used by al-Qaeda against the west.

It is truly amazi n g

BUSH: Hawk

that such a scare story receives any credibility at all. “An apostate, an infidel and a traitor to Islam,” is how Osama Bin Laden’s regards Saddam.

The Ba’th party dictatorship is a secular one, which has ruthlessly persecuted Islamic extremists.

For two years intelligence agencies have attempted to find a link, and none has emerged.The mythical Bin LadenSaddam link is absurd, for it would involve the Iraqi government assisting its own enemies.

Bush told the Iraqi people: “The day Saddam and his regime are removed from power will be the day of your liberation.”

To believe that Iraq will be liberated

by Bush is simply naive and ignores the anti-democratic direction of US foreign policy for the last half century.

Think of previous beneficiaries of US ‘regime change;’ Pinochet, Suharto, the Shah of Iran or the Taliban. Each as bad as Saddam or worse. An imposed government will only lead to a bloody occupation and yet more misery for the Iraqi people.

It is unsurprising America remains unconvinced. It is surprising anyone is convinced. Bush and Blair have resorted time after time to scare tactics to try and win support for this war.

But we should not be scared into blindly following them into a war that will mean disaster for Iraq and, ultimately,

It smelt like a slow afternoon at Garrick Club

6 NEWS

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

Admin plea: drink more in our bars THE University has made an astonishing plea to students – drink more, writes ROB HARRIS. Admin has been forced to slash bar prices from this week due to a lack of student interest.

Bars manager Andy Summers told Vision: “This year I have found that students are not using bars to their full potential.” And he insisted: “I have to keep the bars busy.”

Sales in the seven bars on campus are static on last year and a slight increase is normally expected.

Students arrived back in the autumn term to find popular drinks such as Carling having increased from £1.55 to £1.65.

In the new promotions that run until the end of term larger has been reduced to £1.50 – matching popular Heslington student pub, The Derremore.

Matching club prices, bottles of VK Ice will be reduced to 99p.

Although these promotions will only run until the end of term, Summers promises further deals if there is an upswing in the use of bars.

But, he highlighted the problem: “There are lots of venues in town that people can use, but we would like them to use our bars more.”

His questioning of students discovered that they want a better ambience and lower prices to draw them back into the bars.

Water oven A STAND-OFF between students and staff at Goodricke College came to a head this term after an oven from B block was thrown into the university lake.

The group of first-years have spent 2 months without cooking facilities whilst Admin attempt to discover who was responsible, but the seven residents affected maintain they have no knowledge as to the identity of the culprits. l FULL STORY: www.yorkvision.co.uk

YORK VISION 13/02/03

It’s the Monakees SCASSA Monakee Synth Quartet have been crowned as the best band on campus.

The six-piece live drum and bass band took the title at the Battle of the Bands final on Saturday night in Vanbrugh SMSQ, as they are more easily known, wiped the floor with the competition, although bashful keyboards maestro Paul from the band is keen to acknowledge the other finalists’ efforts.

“All the other bands were great”, smiles Paul shyly, “but winning is the best thing that ever happened to any of us.” The group are a usual set-up of drums, bass, guitar and keyboards, but augmented by easy-on-the-eye chanteuse Lucy Taylor-Gee and the incendiary MC Ishmael, creating a unique sound seldom heard on campus, let alone live.

And Battle of the Bands is by no means the end for SMSQ: “We want to keep it going for as long as possible” admits Paul. “We’re playing Woodstock, and we’d love to play at Breakz sometime”.

There is of course the small matter of the strange name. Paul dispels the myths: “It doesn’t mean anything in Greek but is based on common slang from a southern European language”.

With mystery and unlimited talent, SMSQ are quite simply the best thing that campus has seen or heard for ages.

(Sam Walton)

BANNED

Rowers in hot water over Ouse booze-up

BY PETE STENNING

T

he entire university Boat Club were banned from action for a week after three of their members borrowed a motor boat for a drunken 2am ride down the river Ouse.

The incident provoked a furious response from Union Health and Safety Advisor Jill Stead.

The group were hauled up in front of AU Exec with Boat Club President Keith Settle, and trio were banned from rowing until the end of the term.

The thirsty trio had been out on a rowers' social ending in Ziggy's nighclub on the night of the 22nd January, when they decided to continue their celebrations on the river.

One of them was a Committee member and so had a key to the boathouse. He has since been barred from Committee membership.

Heavily drunk, they proceeded to launch the club's small motorboat onto the river before climbing in.

However they couldn't get the engine started after realising they'd forgotten a crucial part of equipment and instead of the drunken joy-ride they had hoped for, drifted slowly for approximately 200 metres.

Soon bored, they steered their boat towards to the side of the river and then tried to drag it back upstream to the shed.

A furious resident, angry at the commotion they were creating, shouted at them, asking them who they were.

The group proudly informed him that they were members of the York University Boat Club and he contacted the SU the following morning with an official complaint.

The Boat club were instantly banned from the water whilst an investigation was carried out.

The three rowers have apologised for the incident but there are some at the boat club were annoyed at missing out on the fun. One senior boat club member told Vision he found the whole incident "quite funny" and "would have joined in if [he] had known."

The AU however failed to see the funny side and fired off an angry email brandishing the drunken act as "a serious case of misconduct".

Boat President Keith Settle is keen for the club to put the incident behind them. "We just want to get things back to normal now," he told Vision.

Annoyed at "a quite false" portrayal of him in the student press, Settle explained that he did not in

fact appeal against the individual punishments handed out by the AU. "I was perfectly happy with that decision," he told Vision, and is unhappy regarding insinuations that the club were placing 'self interest [before] justice'.

Meanwhile, AU President Martin Styles denies he showed any anti-Boat Club bias in dealing with the incident: "I treated them in exactly the same way I would have treated any other society."

HRH Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, will visit on Friday 21 February to open the £7 million Biocentre at the York Science Park.

The gaffe-prone royal will go on to visit the Biology Department's new £25 million research building, which is to be opened formally in the summer.

During his visit he will see work in the Cancer Research Unit, the Centre for Novel Agricultural Products, and the Climate Change laboratories.

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

POLITICS 9

AFGHANISTAN ONE YEAR AFTER

There may be rubble ahead AS THE world braces itself for possible war against Iraq, few eyes remain on the remnants of Afghanistan.

Home to the US' most recent attempt at reconstruction, there is still much unrest. From the fiercest fighting in nine months, to the recent UN report stating that only 12% of the population had access to clean running water, Afghanistan is still a land riddled with problems.

After the Taliban were toppled, eight thousand US troops remained stationed in the country, with orders to root out and destroy the last embers of the old regime.

As January drew to a close, they were forced into their largest conflict since last May, even utilising air bombardment from Norway, a country that has not fought since WWII. The apparent author of the uprisings in the South and West of Afghanistan is Gulbuddin Hekmatyar, the former Prime Minister who has sworn to rid the country of US "invaders".

The truth is that post-Taliban Afghanistan is inevitably divided.

Hamid Karzai, accused by many of being an American "puppet despot", enjoys mixed popularity.

Although one of the few warlords not to be directly implicated in the massacres of 1990, his links to the US oil conglomerate, UNOCAL, and his good relationship with the Bush administration offend many in his country who see the war on terror as a war on Islam.

Karzai has endured multiple assassination attempts throughout his first year in office, and has yet to extend his political power beyond the districts

More political coverage on our winning

The anti-war n movement has been hindered by the biased leanings of the British media, claims Alex Doherty. They have failed to report the facts, and been reluctant to challenge the Bush and Blair administrations, he argues.

The government n and the FBU have reopened negotiations,

in a bid to end the long-running fire dispute, however there is still a long way to go before a resolution is found. Tom Round analyses the dispute and its key players, criticising the failure of FBU leader Andy Gilchrist to accept a realistic compromise.

YORKVISION.CO.UK

With war in Iraq seeming inevitable, GREG CALLUS looks back to the conflict in Afghanistan, and warns that regime change alone is not enough surrounding the capital.

In Kandehar especially, recognition of Karzai's legitimacy remains limited - not surprising perhaps, in the foremost of the Taliban's former strongholds.

Indeed, many in the Taliban consider him a traitor, not only for relying on American military muscle to take control, but because of his "treachery".

Karzai was, in 1996 at least, a firm advocate of Taliban rule, on the grounds of the stability it would entail.

He only withdrew his support because he felt it was being controlled by Pakistan.

To all intents and purposes, Afghanistan is largely as it has been for the past half century.

Though Kabul is seeing certain steps towards liberalisation, most notably the reintroduction of women into the education system, many of the aspects of Taliban rule that the West found so abhorrent are still in evidence today.

Only someone of incredible naivete would have expected the burqas to be cast off, or for there to be any serious diminishment in the severity of the judicial system.

According to Farah Zaman, "Hands are still cut off for theft, women are still stoned for adultery, and now the Supreme Court has banned cable TV because it is inherently immoral".

The case of liberation for the sake

of human rights has not materialised as it was predicted, but then should that really surprise us? New regimes, anywhere in the world, continue largely in the mould of their direct predecessors.

'Nation building' has become a prominent issue, and the UK has already hosted a conference on how Iraq should be governed in the postwar era.

As evil as Saddam undoubtedly is, we must balance that knowledge with full consideration of the alternative options for ruling Iraq.

An obedient carbon copy of the current regime will do the long-suffering people of Iraq no good, and any new leader will require greater international support than that offered to the new leaders in Afghanistan.

We cannot abandon countries as soon as our self-motivated targets are met. The failure to adequately support Afghanistan in its most recent period of troubles says much about the motives of those who swept away the old regime.

We must be wary of those who promise a bright new future for countries currently out of line, but who fail to clear up the mess that they so often helped to create.

When our oil addictions, national security requirements and consciences are satisfied, will we still act upon our obligations to interfere?

The reconstruction of Afghanistan is still far from complete following the conflict

DON’T MENTION THE WAR . .

BY DAWN E MORRISON

THE DISPUTE between Britain and her European partners has intensified, following the meeting between Tony Blair and his French counterpart Jacques Chirac at the recent AngloFrench summit.

Blair used the meeting to attempt to convince Chirac that backing the US in taking military action against Iraq is the best solution to the current crisis.

Chirac described war as the “worst possible solution” and rather predictably called for further weapons inspections.

France has been one of the staunchest opponents to war with Iraq. Chirac criticised Blair late last year for his blind loyalty to president Bush.

Germany has also voiced vehement opposition to the US, and has consequently been placed together with France in an anti-war category, acting as a

Vive la resistance: Chirac remains a staunch opponent of war thorn in the side of the United States.

The importance of French backing should not be underestimated. Chirac has the power of veto on the UN Security Council, and may use it should Britain and the U.S press for a second resolution.

Chirac’s decision not to back US plans has proved huge-

ly popular in his home country, however he cannot afford to take his stance lightly.

The consequences for France could be severe; their relationship with the US becoming increasingly frosty.

The German position, however, is very different. Chancellor Schroeder’s Social Democrat party suffered an embarrassing

defeat in recent regional elections, prompting calls for the Chancellor to resign.

Suffering from a budget deficit, and rising taxes and unemployment, the German economy is on shaky ground.

The German public is largely anti-war, and with votes now being lost to the conservatives, it is vital that Schroeder remains steadfast in his position.

Whereas Chirac wants to give the weapons inspectors more time, Schroeder has damned the idea of war from the start.

Like France, Germany is hugely influential.

It will soon have the role of chairmanship of the UN Security Council and it is expected that this position will be used to try to sway a more peaceful resolution.

Donald Rumsfeld, the US defence secretary, has described France and Germany as “old Europe”, a label which carries

highly negative connotations and which has sparking an international press war.

The idea that any country that disagrees with the US should be condemned in such a way will only serve to add fuel to the anti-American attitude of many French citizens.

With Tony Blair having acknowledged that he is risking his political career over the Iraq crisis, the support of two of Europe’s key players must seem like the Holy Grail.

Blair, Chirac and Schroeder have much riding on the courses of action they choose now.

Political careers are at stake.

The division within Europe is proving to be a key obstacle to reaching any sort of motion on Iraq.

As the US fights to make history before it has happened; France and Germany are proving just as determined to halt them in their tracks.

8 NEWS

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

HALIFAX THREATEN SPLIT FROM UNION

He is also alleged to have turned to his SU colleagues as Vanbrugh seemed about to win the vote, and sarcastically told them: “Well done, I hope you’re pleased with yourselves. You’ve just ruined the system.”

A successful UGM bid would mean Halifax being guaranteed a source of funding separate from the JCRC allocation. The AU is currently funded in this manner - as an affiliate of the SU they received £115,000 this year.

A FURIOUS spat over JCRC funding has sparked separatist threats from the Chair of York's biggest college.

Halifax's Verity Radley is set to propose a UGM motion granting them special status after leaving empty handed from last Monday's crunch annual Finance Committee Meeting.

After 2 hours of heated debate, the Committee agreed that the remaining £2,000 not yet allocated should be granted wholly to either Halifax or Vanbrugh JCRC - Vanbrugh won by seven votes to five and will be spending the money on a new PA system.

Although their specific request was also for a PA system, their chair claims the funding short fall at the college, whose 2,000 students account for a quarter of the university's entire population, will impact upon welfare services, event provision, and even affect next year's Freshers' Week.

The decision has caused a massive rift within the SU. Radley is unhappy that President Tom Connor discussed the matter with members of the Goodricke and Vanbrugh JCRC prior to the meeting claiming it

A

BY JON BENTHAM is "not in his remit."

However Connor has dismissed the conspiracy theories, describing the meeting as "just a chat we had ages ago." He also labelled her comments "misinformed."

SU Services Officer James Byron told Vision he believed the decision was "not the best way to allocate the money."

However Byron himself has since become embroiled in controversy.

The former Halifax Chair, a close friend of Radley's, has been accused of putting obstacles in the path of Vanbrugh Chair Oscar Willett.

Vanbrugh JCRC were required to provide a number of quotes from outside companies to present to Finance Committee when bidding for their PA. However JSS Camel - the university's key PA provider refused to return Willett's calls.

He was eventually informed by their spokesman that the company had received notification from the university that cooperating with Vanbrugh would "threaten future university contracts."

At the time of going to press it is unknown if Byron was aware of the threats made.

Tom CONNOR

FTER months and months of delay the government has finally released the outcome of its review of higher education funding, the results of which have hardly come as any surprise whatsoever.

It will be for students to pay for the government's planned expansion of higher education provision — the victims of the government's own success in this area it would seem. The numbers of students in HE has risen from a little over 10% to 43% in just over two decades. At the same time, the government has been less and less likely to invest money into the sector, to the extent that the student grant was abolished and the average York graduate can expect to leave university with debts of approximately £12,000.

Despite the statistics, the government is still prepared to fund the development of nuclear weapons, spend billions on a war that the students of York, along with 90% of the country don't want, and award daft pay increases to its closest peers.

At the same time, inexplicably, the government is totally unwilling to invest in one of the few commodities it still has - the intellectual core of the country. To give universities the funding they require would ensure that Britain goes on to reap the rewards of having one of the finest educational systems in the world.

York University J-Soc Chair Hugo Bieber lights a candle as part of Holocaust Memorial Day commemorations on Monday week 4. Students also wrote down their feelings about the Holocaust and rememberance and these will be collated from universities nationwide and presented to the Holocaust Memorial Trust PICTURE: ROBERT HARRIS

CALLING CAMPUS VEGGIES

LANGWITH’S status as the sole meat-free eatery on campus is under threat after months of disappointing sales. Hungry meateaters at the college have petitioned the university, requesting the return of non-vegetarian alter-

natives.

“There are sometimes more people working there than eating,” explained college chair Mary Gaunt. A ‘Use it or Lose it’ campaign has been launched as a final lifeline.

{ A fairer system

for students|

Whatever happens the university is left in a difficult position. No one can deny that York needs investment (and fast) and at the same time few would argue that it should be students who make up the shortfall.

It comes down to the university to state its opposition to top-up fees (or differential fees, or whatever you want to call them), and through the vice-chancellor and his colleagues at other institutions, state that the white paper proposals are no solution to the funding crisis.

The vice-chancellors should also be encouraged to put pressure on the government to come up with an alternative and better solution, to prevent York and others becoming elitist and exclusive institutions, which with the introduction of £3000 fees, they will become.

Therefore, I would urge the vice-chancellor to sign up to our "funding the future" campaign, and along with the NUS, the AUT and various other trade unions and organizations, work for a fairer system for students and protect the social and cultural diversity we can be so proud of on this campus.

Taking nothing away from the private education system, but do any of us (including the VC) want York to end up full of no one but Eton alumni and Oxbridge rejects?

A

s most of you will probably be aware, Students' Union elections are looming fast with nominations opening on Thursday and voting in three weeks time.

This is the best opportunity you will ever have to get involved with YUSU and to do something positive for the student community here at York. So whether or not you think you could do a better job than any of us have done this year, I urge you to look out for details of nominations around campus or in Daily Info, and even if you don't want to stand, make sure you come out and vote on Thursday and Friday of week 9. n the meantime, it would be great to see as many students as possible giving something back to the community by coming out onto the terraces at York City Soccer Club this Sunday.

Not only is the game going to be on Sky (so you might be able to see your face!), but a good result will further consolidate York's position as they push for an automatic promotion spot into Division Two. Furthermore, a sizeable crowd will be priceless for York as the club bids to survive financial crisis. If enough students make the effort to go to the remaining home games, we can be certain that the student population has played its part in helping one of York's oldest institutions survive. So hopefully I'll see you there!

I

Derwent and Alcuin put their differences aside at the Rag parade with Hemingway dressing as Thatcher

Derwent for turn-

DERWENT Chair Mark Hinton has apologised to Alcuin students after he branded them “Thatcher’s Children” in the last issue of Vision.

Since the jibe, the chair has been confronted by groups of furious Alcuin students.

He retracted the statement in a letter to Vision, as well as comments he made describing their bar as “crap” and his claims that they have no college spirit.

“On reflection my comments about Alcuin in Vision were inaccurate,” he wrote, “Alcuin does have college spirit. Their college has suffered with the loss of its dining hall as the university switches towards smaller café-bars.

“Alcuin JCRC specialises in small events that Derwent cannot put on because our venue is too large,” he added.

Hinton is keen to get back onto friendly terms with Alcuin Chair Nick Hemingway, concluding his letter “I apologise for any offense caused…[and] look forward to working shoulder to shoulder with Alcuin and the other colleges for our collective benefit.”

FIVE RAILCARDS TO GIVE VISION has teamed up with Young Persons Railcards to ease the stress of the term. With the carefree first term out of the way — now its time to get down to some serious work.

But, we have FIVE railcards to give away so you can get a break from the library and take a trip away.

A Young Persons Railcard is available to anyone aged 16-25 and noramally costs £18 for a year. It entitles the holder to 1/3 off most rail fares in Britain. Which means you can take a cheap break to visit friends or family, and come back revitalised and ready for anything your lecturers throw at you.

To buy a Young Persons Railcard all you need to do is go down to your local

staffed railway station, rail appointed Travel Agent or authorised Student Travel Office with: lA passport-sized photo of yourself l A completed application form (you can pick one up when you are there) together with £18 l Proof that you are either 16 - 25 years old or a mature student aged 26 or over in full time education Or you can buy one over the phone. Call National Rail Enquires on 08457 48 49 50 for the telesales number of your local Train Company or check out www.youngpersons-railcard.co.uk

To get the chance P to win a free railcard, just email you

NAME, COLLEGE and EMAIL ADDRESS to competitions@vision.

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

POLITICS 9

The forgotten war In 1994, 1m Rwandan people were slaughtered in just three months. Now, 9 years later, the perpetrators of the genocide are finally being brought to justice. Greg Harris asks why we have been so willing to forget about the Rwandan tragedy, and criticises the UN for their costly inaction.

LAST MONTH, people around the world marked Holocaust Memorial Day, declaring that we must never allow such an event to happen again.

However almost 50 years after Hitler's barbaric regime fell, a genocide almost as intense as WWII took place in Rwanda, accounting for over a million deaths in just 100 days.

Unlike with the Nazi persecution however, the events occurring in Rwanda were known about only days after they began, and they could have easily been stopped.

They weren't however, and it seems odd that the bloodiest genocide of our generation receives such little remem-

brance.

If you scoured through newspapers for long enough last month, it was eventually possible to find that father and son, Elizaphan and Gerard Ntakirutima, a pastor and doctor respectively, became the ninth and tenth people to be found guilty of genocide by the UN tribunal into the 1994 massacres.

Ntakirutima Snr, it is alleged, was sent a message by Tutsi's villagers begging for the Church's help in hiding them from Hutu death squads.

Instead, the pastor and his son led the militiamen straight to their hiding place and watched as they were brutally

murdered.

Next month another Churchman, Father Atlanase Seromula, will stand trial for his part in the killings.

According to the prosecution he, with the help of Hutu militia, imprisoned 2000 Tutsis in his Church before bulldozing it down around them.

He then allegedly proceeded to watch, as the survivors were shot or bludgeoned to death.

There are many lessons to be learnt from Rwanda, however, one point should stand out above all for those who plead for holocausts to never happen again - the failure of the UN. In 1999 an independent report criticised UN Secretary General Kofi Annan and other officials for their actions during the Rwandan genocides, and it is not hard to see why.

At the beginning of the conflict the UN had over 2500 troops stationed in the country.

When the massacres began, they were forced to sit and watch, the result of ill-conceived "monitoring" orders.

Within a week, the troops were ordered by the Security Council to leave Rwanda. It was not until two months later, after the Red Cross reported that at least 500,000 Rwandans had died, that French forces returned to end the genocide.

Even then the American government, one of the key obstructions to redeploying troops, was unhelpful over the loan of 50 APCs to the UN force.

The role of the UN has been a hotly

debated issue in recent weeks, as Bush's hawks label them weak and futile against Iraq.

However Rwanda was no Iraq.

There was a clear moral justification for military intervention that could have protected thousands of Rwandans.

The Hutu and Tutsi militiamen, many of them armed only with machetes, would not have been difficult to defeat.

Rwanda is now beginning to see justice, as the worst of the genocide perpetrators are tried for their crimes.

Electoral reforms boost Indonesian democracy

BY TOM ROUND

JUST AS the 1997 election saw 'Blair's Babes' become a new phenomenon in British politics, the next election in Indonesia will see an unprecedented number of women entering the country's parliament.

The female president of Indonesia, Megawati Sukaroputri, has passed a bill which means that at least 30% of candidates for next year's elections will be women.

At present only 45 of the 462 Indonesian MPs are women, however that figure that could now treble next year.

The bill has been widely heralded as a great victory for women in a country which, until recently, has been controlled by a small minority of politicians and the military.

Indonesia has a large Muslim majority, and a history of Islamic terrorism, which cost the lives of over 200 people in Bali last year.

By giving women and other sectors of society a greater political role,

there is hope that those instabilities will be greatly reduced.

Azyumardi Azra, Chancellor of the State Institute of Islam, stated: "Without such requirements, women will be sidelined in our political life.

This is not discrimination against men or favouritism; it should be understood as a necessity."

The law comes as part of a package of desperately needed electoral reform in Indonesia.

Last summer 3,000 students took part in angry protests on the streets of Jakarta.

Their chant, "we must have reforms or die" shows how strongly the Indonesian youth feel about the political climate of their country.

Prior to the new bill, the president was appointed by the Indonesian Parliament, and 38 seats were reserved for the security services.

However, following the students' campaign, both of these iniquities have now been abolished.

Presidential elections will be held next year, and the military's influence on Indonesian politics has been

reduced dramatically.

The reforms also prohibit political parties that gain 2% or less of the vote from standing in the following election.

Whilst this might impinge upon certain minorities, the ban will lower the number of parties in parliament, thus helping to reduce deadlock and uneasy coalitions.

It will be an indicator of the maturity of Indonesian democracy that minority issues will still be dealt with, despite the absence of the minor parties.

As one of the world's largest democracies, countries around the globe will monitor Indonesia's positive discrimination policies closely.

If it succeeds, many others may attempt similar initiatives, including the UK. The use of positive discrimination to redress political imbalance is a hotly debated issue.

In some instances it is clearly beneficial.

Here in the UK, the civil service and the police have successfully oper-

ated positive discrimination for several decades, helping to overcome gender-based employment inequalities.

However, enforced discrimination can be damaging, and is not universally supported.

Only 1.8% of MPs come from ethnic minorities, compared to a national non-White population of 6.7% and women make up less than 35% of MPs. However, a move to redress this imbalance through positive discrimination would be met with opposition by those who regard any form of discrimination as wrong.

Here in the UK; a country that prides itself on its tolerance and opportunity for all, encouragement rather than discrimination must be used to increase the representativeness of Parliament.

Indonesia, as an emerging democratic state, should be applauded for taking such progressive measures.

However this does not mean that they should necessarily be adopted elsewhere.

However ten arrests in nine years cannot make up for failure of the UN to provide justice and basic human rights for the one million people that died in 1994.

This, more than anything that happens in Iraq, shows the need to reform the UN into a body that is capable of enforcing international law in a just way.

13/02/03 YORK VISION

THE STUDENT PRESS Prize for student protest of the n year goes to Oxford University students Phil Thompson and Julia

Buckley. The Oxford Student reports that the pair bemused university officials by symbolically handing t h e m “the shirts from t h e i r backs” in a “naked protest” over university top-up fees.

Imperial College, London seem to be suffering with problems with the funding of their Summer Ball as well as York, despite a £20,000 grant they have been given to aid their financial situation. This is not the first time that the Union has been bailed out, and so it remains to be seen whether the event will be ‘financially viable’.

n

In Manchester, a student was n recovering after surviving an horrific mountaineering accident, which

left him with a broken leg, pelvis and skull. Kenneth Jones, a history and politics student, managed to survive for four days in the mountains of Romania after falling down an eightyfoot sheer rock face.

Otters have been making a n comeback along the River Wear, which has excited students, Durham University’s newspaper, Palatinate, reports.

The

Tensions were high during the University of Newcastle’s annual sporting event with Northumbria, the Stan Calvert cup. Two mascots became embroiled in a fight over allegations of cheating and match rigging.

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raid on student flats. Witnesses claimed to have seen a man “waving a gun about” and “pointing it at police officers.” The weapon was later found to be imitation and the charges dropped to breach of the peace.

Media Editor Kelly Nobay is stepping down.

For details on joining the media team email editor@vision.york.ac.uk

MEDIA 11

Is it ‘OK!’ for celebrities to sue for invasion of privacy?

BY JULIA ROSE

A HIGH-profile court case began in London last week concerning the celebrity wedding of Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones.

The unlikely couple signed a deal with OK! magazine worth £1 million for the exclusive photographs of their wedding, however the magazine's competitor, Hello! spoilt the party by managing to obtain illicit photographs of the day in spite of the high levels of security.

Hello!'s unofficial photos were printed and as a result the "distraught" couple are suing the magazine for £2 million.

The reasons given by the Douglases for the lawsuit include stress, loss of income and damage to their careers. Zeta Jones, in particular, was very upset about the way she looked in the poor quality pictures.

I could find some sympathy for the superstar couple if they had wanted a private ceremony and an over-enthusiastic paparazzo had secretly snapped them.

But the fact is, they were perfectly happy to sell their wedding day to the OK! readers for a handsome sum.

Lord Justice Sedley had already ruled in 2000 that "the law recognises and will appropriately protect the right of personal privacy" but this new court case seems to suggest that celebrities should have the right to approve and improve any photos that will end up under public scrutiny.

This is ridiculous when they surrendered their right to privacy by signing a deal with OK! It has become a ludicrous trend with today's celebrities who want to have their cake and eat it. They are happy to invite magazines to photograph them looking lovely on their wedding day but it suddenly becomes an invasion of privacy if something

IN THE SPOTLIGHT: Celebrity couples Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones and Posh and Becks (below) goes wrong.

David and Victoria Beckham are prime examples. They have practically sold their souls to OK! and Hello!, then object when they receive too much attention and appeal to be left in private to live their lives.

The approaching wedding of ex-Hollyoaks star Davinia Taylor and sports agent Dave Gardner highlights the mockery of what should be a meaningful day for those involved.

Hello! has offered a substantial amount of money to the bride and groom on the condition that David Beckham is best man, plus a little extra if Victoria Beckham is present as well.

There could, however, be a backlash on its way with a few stars standing their ground and laughing at the absurdity of splashing their private day over the pages of a magazine.

Zoe Ball and Davina McCall both said "they wouldn't touch it with a bargepole."

Celebrity weddings are such big business for

these magazines that the happy day is often transformed into a fiasco.

Hello! was so concerned that rivals would picture Claudia Shiffer's dress, they hid her under a blanket to protect their £450,000 deal. How romantic.

Catherine Zeta Jones and Michael Douglas as celebrities should be used to the publication of unwanted pictures. They still got their £1 million from OK! And they are now receiving massive media attention and publicity for their court case.

Celebrities need to make a choice. They either sell their weddings to magazines and face the consequences of heightened interest in their private lives or they decide to keep their marriage a quiet affair.

I'm afraid I have little sympathy for the Douglases and I'm sure they will get over it after spending a little time in their million dollar mansion, relaxing by the pool. It's a hard life.

WATCH OUT: BIG BROTHER’S ABOUT Have you ever wondered about what happens when the cameras stop filming? Kelly Nobay takes a look into the world of extreme reality TV, where everything is caught on film

A Elsewhere, Edinburgh Student n reports on the dramatic arrest of a first year student after a police

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

ll those who have ever sniggered at a talentlless Pop Idol, sneered as a hapless Weakest Link took the walk of shame or relished the jeers of a Big Brother crowd bewarein 2003, TV turns its prying lens on a nation of voyeurs.

No longer satisfied by the humiliation of willing victims, who are somehow too stupid to be really funny anyway, the sadistic viewer has got his sights set on unwitting members of the public.

Step in the hidden camera show- complete with a range of traps to ensure maximum loss of dignity.

Nothing new, you might say.

Satanic beardy man Beadle was doing it years ago- donning a comedy moustache and dropping implausibly large boulders on cars in Beadle's About.

Trigger Happy followed in the tradition by taking advantage of the sheer gullibility of the man on the street.

But the bastard spawn of Jeremy Beadle and Dom Joly take the hidden-camera genre to new

extremes.

Take My New Best Friend, set to go on air in April. Contestants endure two days of outrageous pranks, including being outed as gays or the fathers of secret love children.

Hidden cameras film the reaction of friends and family and the contestants win £10,000 if they can resist admitting that it's all a hoax.

Or how about Channel 5 show The Honey Trap which exploits the young male holiday-maker's willingness to do anything for lurve.

Salivating, sunburnt men are enticed back to the villa of three alluring lovelies and are secretly filmed performing a range of humiliating tasks, ranging from rooting through sewage pipes, donning pink thongs and getting down on their knees and barking like dogs.

The Richard Taylor Interviews work along the same lines, only this time it’s real unemployed people we get to laugh, at as they jump through comedian Mark Dolan’s hoops in the delusional hope of finding a job.

The programmes are funny, but uncomfortably so. Whereas with Big Brother you could tell yourself that the dysfunctional fools had signed away their rights to dignity in their sad desperation for fame, the hidden-camera show offers n o such comfort.

More worrying still is the prospect of just how far we're going to push the boundaries in the name of groundbreaking television.

Guy Ritchie's Channel 5 s h o w Swag hit t h e headl i n e s recently after a prank i n which an unlocked car was used to lure opportunist thieves went badly wrong

and a cameraman was stabbed in the leg.

Big Brother is getting nastyand his victims are losing their sense of humour. Perhaps Jeremy Beadle wasn’t quite so satanic after all.

Channel 5 Honeys

12 COMMENT

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

YORK VISION COCKTALES ON CAMPUS WINNER OF 3 GUARDIAN MEDIA AWARDS

Student priorities

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ORE than a thousand students gathered in one room — and there wasn’t a drop of alcohol in sight.

It’s not very often that York manages to attract a speaker with the pulling power of Tony Benn.

The Central Hall appointment last week for the ex-Cabinet minister fresh from his chat with Saddam was a tremendous achievement for the anti-war movement.

It’s just a shame that York can’t attract the big names that students in Oxford are used to.

This term alone, they will hear from Sven Goran Erikkson and will even get a glimpse of Charlotte Church’s ‘Rear of the Year’.

Encouragingly Central Hall wasn’t just filled with political hacks, sporting badges for every cause under the sun. But there were normal people in Central Hall.

People who would never go to a meeting that had any mention of politics in the title.

Many different types of students who would normally prefer to stay in bed nursing their Ziggy’s hangover than hear a political has-been.

It appears that a large number of York students are rallying behind the anti-war movement as conflict looms in Iraq.

But how many of the ‘activists’ that heckled and cheered during the Benn speech will go to any of the other meetings being organised by York Students Against the War this week?

How many will be so passionate about the cause that they will make the (subsidised) trip down to the London demo at the weekend?

The week of action will undoubtedly see speakers addressing a handful of people and a pitiful numbers attending debates.

The impact that 1,100 students had gathered together against a cause was immense. But what does all this achieve in preventing war — that in an ideal world no-one wants?

Twelve months ago, 450 students stormed into Heslington Hall, occupying it for three hours, protesting against cuts in 24-hour portering. Imagine the impact that a lobby of over 1,000 students could have on the University.

How much more of a long-term impact could a protest or sitin against Admin of more than 10% of the student population have? A very significant one.

Such a gathering would very likely stun Admin into submission.

At the moment, students have a duty to protect the ability of future generations to study without huge debts building, as topup fees would introduce.

Anti-war protests are fine, but it is important for students not to forget their university and the issues which constantly threaten students directly.

Into Rags

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ith the impending crisis of top-up fees closing in on the student body, it was refreshing to see so many of them out in force on the streets of York, raising money for those who are less fortunate than themselves.

The current predictions of student bankruptcy following the proposed introduction of top-up fees in 2006 would leave many unwilling to make the move to out University and instead go straight into work.

This would be a major blow for the country, and even more so for the individuals whose university days would be forfeited to pay for government debts and further funding for university expansion.

People need to have a few years to forget about the responsibility of work and money, which, until now, university has been a perfect opportunity for.

It is a chance, no only for control free drinking and a liberal lifestyle, but a chance to prepare for living alone and having to cope in a stressful work environment.

Rag is one of the areas that would potentially suffer the most. Not only, as Saturday's parade proved, is Rag an excellent excuse to dress up in what can only be termed as some pretty ugly and ridiculous clothes, but a way to raise funds for lots of local charities.

The theme of the Rag parade, the four decades that York has been a university for, was a reminder of all those former students who have used their right to higher education. How much longer will this stay a reality?

While residents might sometimes view students as drunken layabouts, to lose them would be a serious misfortune, which would impact heavily on the surrounding area and community.

LOUISE BURNS and CATHY BALDWIN stress of what to buy is upon us. An original suggestion from a friend was a foot pump (we’re afraid we can’t tell you what it’s for, the student in question wouldn’t divulge that information), or the past gift of a ceramic hand. Well, it was amusing at the time.

Our respective housemates are in a flurry about how to mark the occasion – there are plans to boycott the glorious day, dilemmas about whether to buy jokey or romantic presents and decisions about where to spend it. For our ‘masculine’ gay friends there is the added problem about what gift to purchase, as the market doesn’t seem to cater for males who don’t wish to give fluffy teddy bears – too feminine, obviously!

As two loved-up females, we will certainly aspire to celebrate the day in style. Our boyfriends don’t know this yet, so it might not happen, apart from in our heads. But luckily we’ve got good imaginations. Especially after a few bottles of wine. And if this isn’t good enough, we can always rely on Age Concern.

But underwear is certainly an important issue. Kylie

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HILST flicking through the papers over lunch, as a diversion to our impending essays, we came across the tale of a sad soul who won’t be able to celebrate her Valentine’s Day in traditional fashion this year.

Sonia Miles has had her house repossessed by Abbey National and consequently ‘has no drawers to store her underwear and nowhere she can have an intimate relationship with a man’.

She obviously hasn’t been paying attention to the latest legislation.

Thanks to the new sex laws, as long as you don’t intend to get caught you can legally do the dirty with your curtains open or in a public place. (Although we’ve been warned that allegedly the Quiet Place has cctv.)

Front gardens along Heslington Road, however, can breathe a sigh of relief: harsh laws about ‘garden activities’ have also been introduced, and we’re not talking about tasteless topiory. No matter what Valentine’s present you get, surely nine months inside for the privilege isn’t worth it? (A simple thank you might be much safer.)

knowledge of the La Senza catalogue, some sympathetic soul seems to think that those in Vision

Valentine’s Day. But are you one of those people who hide under the duvet and pretend that it’s not

need a bit of extra help with their love lives. Maybe it’s the smell from the rotting, term-old plates and mouldy wine glasses in the corner of the office…

A letter from Age Concern proclaimed to us that if we were ‘Looking for Love and Adventure’ then by going on their ‘Bike the Nile’ we could meet ‘a rugged and outdoorsy man’.

Despite our apparent disgust however, the letter is still sitting on a desk. To be potentially fished out later if this year’s Valentine’s Day doesn’t go to plan. Who says Vision has no standards?

But no-one can deny that time of year has come again. It’s

happening, or someone who hides under the duvet and makes sure that it definitely is happening?

Life has certainly moved on from those innocent times when at the tender age of eight, one of us received a romantic My Little Pony Valentine’s card from her current ‘husband’, courtesy of the official MLP fan club. We didn’t know boys were into that sort of thing, but hopefully it’s just a craze for those below ten.

Although after his recent revelations, that might be a bit of an incentive for Michael Jackson to take them off for a ‘sleepover’.

Gone are the simple days of My Little Pony – although probably not in Never Land - and the

LOTS OF SEX Minogue seems to be a woman who shares our desire for pretty panties, with the release of her new line of lingerie. But the question has to be raised- what is it about celebrities and their knickers?

Sadie Frost began the trend, although with Jude Law as a husband you can understand the need for matching underwear at any cost. Looking at the state of their marriage recently though, Frost might need to resort to something better than her designer thongs to keep Law interested; perhaps she should take Mrs Beckham’s advice and allow Jude to sample her smalls.

However, despite our intimate

LETTERS EXTRA Epitome of brave, honest journalism I AM a first-year undergraduate studying History and Politics.

As you can tell from my name, I am also an Israeli, and therefore, I have decided to write in support of your.

It is good to see someone finally telling the truth. I, myself, do not understand when supporting Israel became equated with racism.

I know that you are under a lot of pressure from various bodies to withdraw your article or renounce your opinions, but I just wanted to encourage you to hold on.

I too have been in almost constant conflict with various anti-Israeli individuals on campus, including lecturers.

Therefore, I too know what it is like to face the wrath of antisemitism in its most modern form.

Once again, thank you for writing the truth - you are the epitome of brave and honest journalism, and not just a mere tool of the student body.

May there be more writers like yourself.

YIFTACH OFEK

Bush should back Palestinian

I AM writing in response to the article published in Vision (January 22) entitled Israel was right to destroy Arafat’s HQ which seemed to condone the excessive use of force in the Gaza Strip.

The implication is that somehow this is the morally right thing to do and that it will resolve the atrocities in Israel.

At the risk of sounding ‘Pilgeresque’ I found your opinion to be dogmatic and one which showed a lack of sensitivity to the issues at stake.

In one breath you seem to assert that the mobilisation of Israel’s “full military might” would remedy the “issues”, only to contradict yourself by the admission that this force will not halt terrorist activity in the region but only “go some way to saving Israeli civilians enjoying a night out.”

I feel that your view is inflammatory and shows a lack of responsibility to your readership, a fact compounded by the position of authority that you hold within the paper.

As editor I would have thought that a degree of objectivity was integral to your position. To impose such extreme views displays an error of judgement as in this case I feel the adage of ‘violence begetting violence’ is quite true.

I assure you that I am not postulating a view formed by a ‘Guardian way of thinking’ but merely hoping that people here at university do not become influenced by your way of thinking which can easily be described as bigoted.

I think that it would be more helpful to break the cycle of violence by discouraging not only the suicide bombings but also the mindless flexing of the American funding of the Israeli military.

Maybe time has come for the President of the United States to show some character, openly supporting the movement toward a Palestinian state instead of bowing to a minority vote on home soil.

I feel it is unhelpful and even dangerous to condone the destruction of any part of Palestine implying that this is how we should fight terrorism.

Obviously it is not only the Americans who are increasingly insular as regards major issues in our world.

In my opinion your paper has lost a degree of integrity by the publication of this article, the irony of which cannot be overlooked bearing in mind the title ‘Newspaper of the Year’.

STEFAN BURCH Heslington, York

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13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

LETTERS SPECIAL

T

HIRTY years ago Christopher Mayhew wrote that “a deliberate and generally successful attempt has been made to cover up the truth about Palestine, with damaging consequences for the cause of peace and justice in the Middle East”.

It would appear from Mr Harris’ article on page seven of York Vision’s Issue 143 that the same is true today. His article, entitled ‘Israel was Right to Destroy Arafat’s HQ’, was extremely biased and based on m i s i n f o r m a t i o n .

Mr Harris begins by incorrectly defining the PLO as one of the oldest and most violent terror groups in the Middle East. This is simply ludicrous. The PLO was formed in 1964 and asserted its commitment to armed struggle in 1969.

By contrast, the Irgun – the foremost Zionist organisation involved in political violence – began its activities in 1938 by planting a bomb in a market in Haifa which killed 21 Arabs.

Later, in 1946, under the leadership of future Israeli Prime Minister Menachem Begin, the Irgun blew up the King David Hotel in Jerusalem killing 91 people. As much of the Irgun was incorporated into the Israeli Defence Force (IDF), this can hardly be considered to be the oldest terrorist organisation in the region.

Moreover, since the IDF have maintained a consistent policy of killing at least three Palestinians for every Israeli murdered, it is also unlikely that the PLO could qualify as the region’s most violent.

In addition, Mr Harris’ article is partial and derogatory. Utterly devoid of factual foundation, he writes that Chairman Arafat “rushed to claim” the “trophy” of the appalling bombing of Tel Aviv on January 5 of this year. This is defamatory and probably libellous.

Arafat’s Al Fatah movement did not claim responsibility for this bombing, neither did the Al Aqsa brigades which, the Israeli government tells us, are connected in some complex and improvable way.

In fact, within hours of the attack, Islamic Jihad – an organisation which noone claims is under the control of Arafat – accepted responsibility. Undeterred, howev-

er, Mr Harris blunders on.

On the basis of this fictitious depiction of events in Tel Aviv and a one-day visit of Ramallah, he concludes t h a t Chairman Arafat “wants to maintain” the current cycle of viol e n c e , Inexplicably, though, he says nothing of the background of Israeli leaders, nor the means through which the state of Israel was formed.

While focussing exclusively on examples of Arab violence, he conveniently omits to mention Israeli atrocities such as the massacre of 254 unarmed villagers at Deir Yassin in 1948 and the murder of 49 Palestinians at Kafr Qasim in 1956 for breaking a curfew of which they had not been informed.

The current Prime Minister, Ariel Sharon, is, notwithstanding the obvious admiration felt by Mr Harris, similarly tainted by terrorist connection.

In 1953, as head of the murderous (even by the standards of other Israeli security organs) Unit 101, he was responsible for the massacre of 50 refugees at El Buerig and a further 69 mainly women and children at the Jordanian village of Qibya – the “stain” of which, wrote the then Foreign Minister, Moshe Sharratt, would stick to Israel for years. Not, it would seem, long enough for young Mr Harris to recall though.

During the 1970s, Sharon was then responsible for the widely condemned ‘clearances’ of 16,000 refugees from the Gaza Strip, the brutality of which cost 104 Palestinian lives.

In 1982, he led the illegal invasion of Lebanon and oversaw a 62-hour rampage through the refugee camps of Sabra and Shatilla which killed over 2000 inhabitants.

More recently, his government has, according to the well-respected NGO Human Rights Watch, murdered 149 individuals without due legal process in the infamous ‘targeted killings’ policy which have also claimed the lives of 49 innocent bystanders.

These events have been condemned by no less that 65 UN resolutions (many more were vetoed by the US) and are well-known to anyone with even a rudimentary knowledge of the region’s politics.

Mr Harris, who perversely notes that it is Arafat and his associates who “engender a fear of Israelis amongst the Palestinian community”, might thus wish to clarify whether his failure to provide his readership with a balanced picture of political violence in Palestine/Israel is born of profound igno-

COMMENT 13 Write to: Vision Letters, Grimston House Email: letters@vision.york.ac.uk

Letters, which should not exceed 250 words, may be edited for clarity or space

rance or deliberate anti-Arab prejudice.

It would appear from Mr Harris’ comments regarding the physical environment of Palestine that the latter is very much the case.

His attribution of the ‘rubbish’ strewn in the streets of Ramallah to the personal habits of the Arabs, rather than to the IDF’s destruction of the Palestinian Authority’s public utility infra-structure, demonstrates not only the uninformed distaste of a middle class young man from the leafy suburbs of the West, but also a belief in the types of racial stereotyping which we had all hoped would not appear in publications on this campus.

It is this sense of ethnic superiority that makes the author certain that he and his Israeli minders have an automatic right to be received by the leader of the Palestinian nation and it is merely the need to have an afternoon siesta that prevents Chairman Arafat from receiving such a distinguished visitor as Mr Harris.

On the grounds of an utter lack of historical knowledge and in the name of fairness and transparency, we demand that Mr Harris clarifies in whose name he visited Ramallah,? Who funded his journey and, in particular, how he was able to wander into a war zone where even some Parliamentarians in the UK find it hard to go to? We request that Mr Harris informs his readers who facilitated the visit and who accompanied him. We demand that he issues a retraction of his preposterous article and allows room for an open debate on what is a difficult and highly sensitive issue which should not be discussed by a one-day war tourist with overt prejudices and clearly no understanding of the subject.

PROFESSOR HALEH AFSHAR DR TIM JACOBY Department of Politics, University of York nTHE EDITOR REPLIES: This letter has been edited in part for legal reasons.

My visit was facilitated by a neutral party and was self-funded. I have visited the region many times and seen Israeli, Palestinian, Egyptian and Jordanian life at first hand.

I wonder how many visits my two critics have made to the region.

I have had the opportunity over 15 years to mingle with Israelis and Arabs in cities as diverse as Ramallah, Jericho, Hebron, Aqaba, Jerusalem, Jenin, Bethlehem, Tel Aviv and many more.

I have also been able to meet leaders including Yasser Arafat, the late Yitzhak Rabin and others. Have Prof Afashar and Dr Jacoby enjoyed such access?

I have witnessed terror attacks on Israel at first hand and seen the devastation caused by Scud missiles. I write from first hand experience and not from a subjective viewpoint or from a distance like my critics. My specific criticism is of Yasser Arafat and not of his tragically misled people who incidentally are composed of Muslims and Christians.

Why do the good professor and her doctor colleague heap all the blame on Israel?

Their comments are blatantly inaccurate and often based on half truths which have long been the subject of debate.

They should note specifically that Israel’s Prime Minister Ariel Sharon successfully sued Time magazine for allegations over Sabra and Shatilla.

To be pro-Palestinian seems to mean taking a blinkered approach to Israel’s very right to exist – a right which Arafat fails to recognise and indeed opposes.

Yasser Arafat has been recognised as a terrorist by no less than Tony Blair and George Bush. He preaches peace in the international arena and then stands on his soapbox in Ramallah or Gaza and whips up hatred against Israel, demanding that Israelis be driven into the sea.

Never has the award of a Nobel Peace Prize been under such false pretenses.

Before attacking me, perhaps my critics would do well to ask why Arab countries refuse to offer asylum to so-called Palestinian refugees, or indeed refuse to offer any aid save for the ‘bonus’ that Saddam Hussein awards to the families of suicide bombers.

Why are Palestinian toddlers photographed proudly by their parents with imitation bombs strapped to their bodies?

Why are Palestinian primary school pupils photographed marching with weapons, in combat gear?

And why do Palestinian school textbooks preach hatred of Israelis?

I suggest that my critics read the letter on this page from the Christian Friends of Israel. Vision provides a forum for all views as the other correspondence on this page clearly demonstrates.

That represents the truth and is penned not by Israelis, but by neutrals who understand the threat to Israel from parts of the Arab world and the Jewish state’s right to exist as the only real democracy in the Middle East.

SHARON: sued Time magazine

Most Palestinians rate Israeli democracy higher than I WRITE as a Christian who lived for three years in the Old City of Jerusalem from the start of the first Gulf War and ran a small hotel there with Jewish and Arab staff, Moslems and Christians.

What is happening in Israel/Palestine, the roots of conflict, the brutalising effect on both parties, and hope for the future is of vital importance to Christians today.

We are related to both sides of this family dispute and revisit the land each year, so please allow me to comment on Israel, the West Bank and Arafat.

Historically, after the First World War the Versailles Treaty dealt with the legacy of the former Turkish Ottoman Empire, defeated along with Germany and stripped of their colonies.

In the Middle East, the League of Nations awarded more than 90% of these lands to Arab states with Britain and France as temporary trustees. With regard to Palestine the treaty entrusted to Britain the responsibility for government and administration of an area of 97,000 square kilometres.

Article 6 of the 1922 Mandate agreement described the way in which this authority was to be used: Britain as the Mandatory power was to facilitate Jewish immigration and encouragement of close settlement by Jews on the land, including state lands and waste lands not required for public purposes.

The only restriction on this was a proviso that the rights and position of existing non-Jewish communities are not prejudiced.

It does not confer any rights for any new nonJewish communities but it did require the British administration to encourage Jewish settlement in this area, which includes the West Bank of the Jordan.

So what about the Arab peoples - was this fair?

To satisfy Britain’s commitments to the Arab

people, Churchill carved 70,000 square kilometres out of the Mandate on the Eastern side of the Jordan and excluded it from Jewish settlement.

It was called TransJordan or Jordan today. But the Arabs wanted it all and rejected any division.

Churchill’s mistake was to treat the Arabs as a monolithic block - a solution which might be acceptable to Sharif Husain but would not necessarily satisfy the Syrian Arabs.

To placate their demands, Britain turned a blind eye to Arab immigration to the West Bank in the period from 1922 to 1939 while restricting the numbers of Jewish immigrants.

When Britain handed back to the United Nations the responsibility for the Mandate, a UN commission recommended division into two separate states.

This again was rejected by the Arab powers, so when the state of Israel was declared in 1948 it was immediately attacked by five Arab armies.

From 1949 Jordan took control of 1600 square miles on the west bank of the river - including the ancient Jewish settlements of Hebron, Shechem (Nablus) and part of Jerusalem.

From 1949 to 1967 the Arab population of this area (the so called We s t Bank) declined due t o Palestinian emigration.

It was during this period that the Palestinian National Council held its first meeting and resolved “to liberate Palestine” by means of armed struggle.

The chronology is important. Any suggestion that the PLO was formed to end the ARAFAT: Broke off from talks

occupation of the territories is clearly absurd, as the territories were not under Israeli administration when the PLO was formed in 1964.

From its beginning, the PLO intent was to nullify international agreements, the Mandate, and everything based upon it including the establishment of the state of Israel as recognised by the United Nations.

Israel accepts both UN resolutions 242 and 338 in relation to the subsequent conflicts of 1967 and 1973 and has negotiated agreements with Egypt and Jordan that settle their respective boundaries.

This resulted, for instance, in Israel giving up settlements and oil resources in the Sinai. Israel entered negotiations with the Palestinian Authority in good faith but these were broken off by Arafat.

So long as he remains in charge, nobody else in the Palestinian Authority has the power to make any agreement. These outstanding resolutions require Israel to negotiate with the other parties to establish secure and recognised boundaries.

This Israel is keen to do but it needs a negotiating partner who will keep its side of any agreement.

Under the Oslo Agreement this included a duty to arrest and detain terrorists, to refrain from acts of incitement, and to confiscate illegal arms - all of which have been breached by the Palestinian Authority -so that Israel has been forced to deploy its own troops back into the West Bank to prevent the attacks by suicide bombers incited (and in some cases financed) by the Palestinian Authority.

The Israeli government’s attitude to Arafat is clear, but what about the attitude of the Palestinian people?

A poll carried out by the Palestinian Centre for Public Opinion in November 2002 testing a random sample of 1041 adults from the West Bank including East Jerusalem asked: “To what degree do you sup-

port President Arafat?”

The responses were as follows: Strongly support 20.2%; Somewhat support 18.1%; Somewhat oppose 21.7%; Strongly oppose 16.1%; No Opinion 23.9% This poll, carried out by Dr Nabil Kukali, does not in itself justify the decision by the Israeli government to flatten Arafat’s headquarters, but it does raise important questions about the direction of the intifada. Asked whether they believed that the intifada is still going on and heading towards achieving its goals, only 38.6% of the sample said Yes. With surprising consistency from 1998 to 2000, polls show that the majority of Palestinians asked rated democracy in Israel higher than in America or France. This, coupled with the low support for Arafat, was sending a message.

After Camp David and the Taba talks, Arafat’s own standing was in jeopardy. Was the intifada launched not so much because Palestinians hated Israelis as to increase that hatred among them?

If so it has been tragically successful. The dilemma is whether it is more effective to counter this by isolating Arafat as the Israelis have tried or by empowering the Palestinian people to choose alternative leadership as the British government would prefer. The present conflict impoverishes both sides in the dispute.

Although international diplomacy appears stalled, there are encouraging initiatives in co-existence and mutual understanding at the grass roots and this is surely where open discussion in universities and joint research projects can have a constructive role.

GEOFFREY SMITH, Deputy Director, Christian Friends of Israel.

14 COMMENT

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

Join the Front! email jamesrevfront@hotmail.com

VALENTINES

"My most reliable source of information" George W. Bush

PRINCE PHILIP COMING TO YORK

VISITING DUKE EAGER TO MEET STUDENTS AND MINORITIES LOVEABLE BIGOT, HRH Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, is due to visit campus on Friday 21st February.

Set to open the Biocentre in the neighbouring science park, he has been invited by an enthusiastic administration to tour the University's new biology laboratories.

The Duke, who at last count has denigrated 95% of the human population with his own irrepressible good humour, expressed his desire to meet his wife's subjects, including "the ones that smelt of curry."

The visit to York is set to be one of the highlights of Philip’s public engagements for 2003.

The jovial Duke, who has described the Cayman Islanders as "descendants of pirates" and the residents of Papa New Guinea as "cannibals," is eager to add York students to his list of 'comedy groups' which include the Welsh, Scots, Tamils, Indians, the deaf and women. "I can't wait to get laid in to you lot" said Philip in the official press release.

Vice Chancellor Brian Cant was keen to praise the Duke's "inclusive attitude to ethnicity" at the announcement of the royal engagement last Monday. "We are all equal in his eyes" said Cant. "The slitty eyed have the

Photo News

The Prince visiting friends in Finsbury Park. PHOTO ROB HARASS

same moral worth as the dog eaters" The invitation was extended

by Deputy Vice Chancellor Felicity Biddy, who immediately realised the boon Philip’s characteristic wit could be to York Students. Biddy applauded his

ON THE FRONTLINE An Editorial

By Rob Harass

L STUDENT ENTERS INTO LOVING RELATIONSHIP WITH DISHEVELLED DETECTIVE

ETHIOPIA: A NATION MOURNS AS FATBOY AND ZOË SPLIT

GEORGE FOREMAN GRILL "NEVER INTENDED FOR USE IN ZERO GRAVITY ENVIRONMENT", CLAIM MANUFACTURERS

OOK at me. No. Really. Look at my face. I'm the editor/ writer/photographer/distributor of Visoin, the legendary Rob Harass.

You might call me an auteur, but that would clearly be the incorrect usage of auteur.

See the photo? Does it arouse strong emotions?

Well aside from my rugged good looks. Well it should do.

And you know what?

I've got different views to you on it. Oh yes. You might even say they're 'diametrically ' opposed to yours (I knew that word would come in useful).

You'll remember me for sure. Just wait, you'll be seeing my name in ten foot letters on a wall near you soon.

"racist and offensive language" describing his comments as a breath of fresh air. "People who aren't part of a community who have to face this kind of racist, offensive language on a daily basis really need to get a life."

"He's only having a laugh!"

she added.

An unnamed Politics professor, a world-renowned expert on women, race and religion, exploded upon hearing the news.

YUSU sources have been quick to react to the impending royal visit. President Thom Conman described his "sheer amazement" at admin's choice of guest. "I really do hope he has time to autograph my collection of commemorative plates. The Princess Margaret one is quite rare." On the advice of piece of Union furniture Oily Palmer, Conman also stressed the need for "lovely, lovely photos."

The one dissenting voice on the Students’ Union has been Educational Campaigns Officer Mange Chain, who has openly questioned admin's decision to invite the Iron Duke. "Some of his comments are simply racialist" said Mange. "And there are quite a few heathens who may well be casting votes in the next sabbatical election."

"Hallelujah!" she added.

The Duke was also unavailable to respond to his critics, stating he was engaged on an official Commonwealth tour of "Um Bongo Land with the Missus."

Ed: If you're reading Your Highness, we'd really appreciate an interview.

Fancy doing something a bit different this

DEDICATIONS

To my Favourite Mr Benn, Thank you for reminding me just how right I am.

Love Oily Dearest Saddam, “Ricin is red, Gassed civilians are blue, But you’re so bloomin' gorgeous That we're marching for you” Lots of love, York SAW Dear Snugglekins.

Why don't you return my calls anymore? I thought you said we were going to be friends! And then I got this letter from your solicitors.

What exactly is the definition of "unreasonable behaviour"? Don't you see, I want us both to be happy. Together!

Hey, I can see you over there. Don't look away from me.

Hey, come back!

DON'T TRY AND RUN FROM ME YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD! Love Pumpkin PS: Don't forget, I'll be watching Dear Alec What words can express my feelings for you? The finest P&P officer in a British students union? Surely. The

News in Brief

CRACKDOWN Censorship comes to camThen you're in luck, as York Students Against Nasty Things Society ThenWorthyHols you're in luck, Yorkyou Students Against Things Society and Ltd.as invite to become a . Nasty . . Human Shield! and WorthyHols Ltd. invite you to become a . . .

Human Shield!

Do something different on your holidays this year with the latest Doinsomething on your holidays this year with the latest deal our rangedifferent of WorthyHols.. in ourinrange of WorthyHols.. deal Staying the Baghdad Hilton you will be able to take part in a variety Staying in the Baghdad you will able to driving, take partwhitein a of exciting activities Hilton – including 4x4beoff-road varietyrafting of exciting activities –yourself including 4x4 off-road driving, water and strapping onto a tank to defend thewhitebrave water rafting and strapping yourself onto a tank to defend the brave Iraqi Republican Guard against the evil western alliance*.

Republican Guard against evil awestern alliance*.

Iraqi You're only young once, so if the you're complete fucking fool…

You're WorthyHols! only young once, so if you're a complete fucking fool…

Travel Travel WorthyHols!

* York Students Against Nasty Things Society does not accept liability for your possible brutal torture and/or death.

Frankly, when those bombs start falling we're switching sides and getting the fuck outta that shit hole. Last one on the plane's

pus. "This is not the time for satire" commented Deputy Vice Chancellor Felicity Biddy. "We should wait until everyone concerned is dead.

In fact wait until their grandchildren are dead, then give it a couple of years." A politics lecturer added "blah blah blah blah.”

PERVERT "Kids sleep in my bed", says

local teddy in tawdry confessional

FOOD

Latte shortage anticipated as countdown to the National Anti War demo continues.

"There'll never be enough frothy frappachino's to go round!" explained a desperate Barista. Biscotti are expected to change hands for as much as £500.

LIFESTYLE Oily Palmer takes twenty

minutes out to congratulate

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

FEATURES 15

Robert Mugabe

With just days to go until the controversial England-Zimbabwe match, Joe Hynes meets up with a Zimbabwean student here at York to discuss cricket, politics and the future of his homeland...

‘T

Armed soldiers patrol the cricket grounds, following threats of disruption.

SNOW JOKE

HERE is no point risking lives for a cricket match,” believes my Zimbabwean interviewee, and it seems the England and Wales Cricket Board (ECB) and the England Cricket team are prepared to sacrifice their chances in the next World Cup in Zimbabwe to preserve their players' safety. But how real is the threat to the English Cricket Fans and their fans in Zimbabwe?

Amidst the moralising of the British press it is easy to forget whether people visiting the country face genuine danger or just a corrupt

I lost two older cousins . . . a lot

Kate Edwards bemoans the lack of winter style on cam-

of our property

E

very morning I am faced with the dilemma of what to wear in order to suitably face the arctic frost, soggy rain and generally gloomy conditions that constitute Britain's winter. My daily fashion quandaries have led me to the depressing conclusion that it is impossible to look good at this time of the year.

The ultimate crime has to be winter hats, and despite the variety of styles on offer, I am yet to find anyone whom they actually suit. Above all, the desperation to ensure warmth seems to override any sense of fashion. An acquaintance went so far as to visit a specialist hat shop in the hope of finding the perfect headgear, but was soon to abandon her farmer-style flat cap after being repeatedly asked where she had left her sheep. I am also guilty of tearing off my cheap Woolworth's beanie every time I spy someone I even vaguely recognise approaching me, yet I am loathed to leave it at home altogether.

There seems no point in sticking to that New Year's promise of resolutely going to the gym twice a week, for who is going to see that newly toned body under all the necessary layers and endless lengths of scarf that constitute the perfect Egyptian mummy look?

Another seasonal trend is the student-style long flares with water mark half-way up the leg, accessorized with slimy mud, due to walking through the various building sites on campus. Tucking the excess material into your socks is an effective solution to this problem, but will do nothing for your street-cred!

Going out on a winter's night raises further problems; such as choosing between hypothermia or spending the

state.

York University has four Zimbabwean students and Vision tracked down one of them in an attempt to analyse the real problems that underlie England's visit, His verdict is no less bleak than that of Britain's cricket authorities. For him this is not simply a game of cricket, this is a nation in real need of help; for him, the World Cup has arrived at the worst possible time. To protect him, his identity has been concealed.

To many people the World Cup presents an opportunity for Zimbabwe to appeal to the world, to improve its economy and boost tourism. But the reality is much more sinister.

Opposition riots have been forecast, for the leader of the MDC (Movement for Democratic Change, the main opposition), Morgan Tsvangirai, is being tried for treason; unfairly in the view of many foreign commentators.

The worldwide press has savaged the state of Zimbabwe and has been supported by the Government and now the ECB. Indeed, the Zimbabwean Government may not use the World Cup

was destroyed with impunity

whole night standing in an endless coat queue. Girls be warned; goose-pimpled skin is not sexy and bitter winds mixed with skimpy tops succeed in accentuating all protuberances! And high stilettos don't mix well with slippery, icy pavements.

Scouring fashion magazines for help is pointless, as not only are they about three months ahead and already displaying the perfect summer swimwear, but when they do talk about winter looks, it tends to be limited to how to sparkle at the Christmas party, rather than concerned with day to day practicalities. Similarly, the high street is already filled with next season’s short-sleeves and microminis, which is enough to make you shiver in your snowboots.

Thus it seems that while this weather persists, all we can do, other than migrate, is hope that windswept hair

as an opportunity to wipe the slate clean but, in the view of our source, to oppress the population further: 'the authorities will almost certainly use the cricket games as an excuse to crush the opposition'.

What of the rumoured danger posed to the English players? Will it materialise?

The Zimbabwean Government will make sure that the sportsmen are safe for “the security apparatus will be protecting them”.

However, the situation for tourists is not so promising, and the Foreign Office advises them to 'exercise caution' for 'they may be exposed to particular risk'.

According to our source, this would not normally be the case, with Zimbabwe traditionally being far safer than South Africa.

Zimbabwe has further troubles though, due to the economic slump it is experiencing. Daily newspapers in Zimbabwe forecast supplies will not last beyond the end of the month.

We asked John Grogan, MP for his response to the issues raised in our inter-

view. “Mugabe is a thug whose time is most definitely up. He alone is standing in the way of a prosperous, stable and democratic Zimbabwe,” he said, concentrating on its leader’s vicious regime.

While Grogan's view may be valid, it ignores Zimbabwe's problems which stretch much further back to the era of the British Empire.

Britain subsequently has considerable responsibility, reflected in the hardline attitude towards Mugabe. Our source, whilst accepting that Zimbabwe's fate lay in its own hands, acknowledged Britain's debt: “I do blame the successive British Governments for insisting on the country inheriting a flawed constitution and refusing to compensate the black majority for the colonial era exploitation of the country's resources, including land seizure”.

The Mugabe Government is reversing the process of land seizure but with unfortunate consequences- the army veterans employed are brutal and the atrocities perpetrated against white landowners have attracted most British press attention.

The student we talked to disagreed wholeheartedly with this programme: “they are replacing white exploiters with black ones- the current re-distribution is not nationalisation and we may face the same problem of land conflict in the future”.

Our interviewee has not experienced violence in the recent upheavals, but did during the Smith Government, when his family were forcibly removed to make way for white settlers: “I lost two older cousins, they disappeared after challenging the authority of the court messengers. There was no compensation and a lot of our property was destroyed with impunity”.

Our source's willingness to study in Britain and the warm reception he received illustrates that an end to the antagonism and the potential for relationship rehabilitation does exist between Britain and Zimbabwe.

There is still hope for Zimbabwe; far from fleeing from the problems of their country, Zimbabweans are determined to assist in its recovery for “the only way our country can develop and solve its problems is if we do not abandon it”.

Patriotism still flourishes despite other problems, and he adds, “most Zimbabweans are glad to be independent” The key to this lies, for him, in a new constitution and a Government potentially led by Morgan Tsvangirai, who many believe won last year's rigged elections (A country of 3.6 million people but 5.6million votes were cast) but now stands accused of subversion.

Zimbabwe is, like the rest of Africa, in acute difficulties, with the World Cup controversy being the least of its problems. Let's hope it can reform and educated students can help to bring stability to a country that deserves it.

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

FEATURES 17

MODEL COUPLES a list of the top ten couples of all time...

As Valentine’s Day approaches, Ewan Tant compiles

and Becks came along, they were the world’s most famous plastic couple. However, they were never married, Barbie become overweight as her fame dwindled and Ken ran off with Polly Pocket. Thankfully, Barbie has started a comeback recently as a fitness guru and Ken is in rehab.

5

HOMER AND MARGE SIMPSON - They may be fictional, yellow, cartoon characters, but there is no more heart-warming couple than Homer and Marge. They have stayed together despite various trials and tribulations and they represent the sort of marriage most of us, deep down, are looking for. And for once they never end up dead, maimed or broken-hearted.

1

6

SUPERMAN AND LOIS LANE - They were destined for each other, but Superman, always the nicest of the superheroes, wouldn't let himself be drawn into a relationship unless Lois fell for his lesser self, Clark Kent. Still it didn't stop him from occasionally letting her know and then wiping her memory, who knows what went on up in the skies when the cameras turned off?

2

JACKSON AND BUBBLES The recent interviews with Michael Jackson show just how much the break-up of this loving union has affected him. It seemed as though nothing could tear these two from each others adoring arms, but possibly in a fit of jealous rage at Michael’s other bedroom pals, Bubbles sunk his teeth into him. What followed is too distressing to relate, but it all ended with the tragic death of Bubbles and ruin for Michael.

ADAM

AND EVE - Ok, and daugheach other on to create gious world… lot really…but how not include this origclassic couple, who while enjoyed their without any of worries and guilt the modworld.

3

BARBIE L o n g Posh

JULIET - Two fourteen in love, but their families both end up dying in each having both committed suiHonestly, teenagers, so melodramatic.

4

AND KEN before

so their sons ters married and went the reliexplains a could we inal and for a love the of ern

7

MICHAEL

ROMEO AND year olds fall are at war so others arms c i d e . b l o o d y

BUFFY AND ANGEL - Ok, so every time they hopped on the good foot and did the bad thing, Angel went on a killing rampage, there was a 200 year age gap, but they were the love of each other’s lives.

KYLIE AND JASON - The King and Queen of the soap world, they ruled the screens and the waves of the eighties.

As if they could've become a transsexual crackhead and the owner of world's known cheeks.

8+

air-

best

JFK AND MARILYN MONROE - Some say that JFK asked for himself to be shot at hearing of Marilyn's premature death, but did that theory make into Oliver Stone's 'masterpiece'?

9+

RICHARD BURTON AND ELIZABETH TAYLOR - Forget Brad and Jennifer, t h e y were the greatest Hollywood couple of all time. However, it all ended acrimoniously with Burton drinking himself to death and Taylor going on to become Michael Jackson's surrogate mother.

10+

VALENTINE’S ON A BUDGET Meal - McDonalds and Burger King are Seb Charles demonstrates the art The doing some excellent deals, you can even of being romantic but thrifty... treat her to a sundae if she's good.

The Card - You're bound to have been deluged with them at Christmas. If not, recycle hers from last year to you - if she liked it then, she'll like it now. She'll also see how you treasure her presents and are helping to preserve the Amazon rainforests.

Chocolate - Don't bother, it's fattening anyway. She'll reward you for your interest in her well-being.

Flowers - How many weddings, christenings and funerals have you been to recently? Alternatively, how many grandparents do you have that you never visit? Their sense of smell probably disappeared years ago and they can scarcely see and you may well give them a heart attack, but go and visit that nursing home - there's more than enough flowers there to go around.

Alternatively, why leave the university or your home? She's a much better cook than anyone you know.

The Gift - Tricky one, but condoms and a personal alarm from Nightline will come in useful, and who could refuse a Toffs keyring?

The Film - Students are too sedentary, all those seminars and lectures can't be good for one's well-being. The cinema is a haven of disease too; much better to settle for a brisk walk through York's romantic city lights, passing by Radio Rentals on the way. The cold is also likely to drive you home to bed early too!

The Nightclub - You spend far too much time in there anyway.

Besides, your girlfriend observing other couples in love may get silly ideas in her head. As for those drinks, you know she doesn't want you for your money!

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

FEATURES 19

Rag revellers kick-start University 40th anniversary celebrations at parade

THE DECADES . . . and they’re off at the start of parade 2003

S

TUDENTS kicked off the University’s fortieth anniversary celebrations on Saturday dressing up in costumes from the decades for the annual Rag parade through York.

Goodricke and James dressed as the 60s, Halifax the 70s, Alcuin and Derwent, burying their differences in the name of charity, the 80s and Langwith and Vanbrugh the 90s.

Hundreds of students danced through the city centre students behind a lorry leading the procession blaring about forty years of tunes.

The 60s swingers danced and sung under a cloud of bubbles; Batman and Robin fought Superman; the ghostbusters proved they were afraid of no ghost and Freddy Mercury definitely gave the streets of York a good hovering.

One member of Alcuin College, enthusiastically decked out in full Mr T, of the A Team, regalia, was stopped by the Police, on high alert for student terrorist pranks, for brandishing a firearm.

“The Officer thought the public might confuse the toy for a real gun,” said Mr T. In full co-operation with the police the gun was put away and the Parade continued around the City streets without mishap, leaving hordes of onlookers gawping in its wake.

Despite a setback last year that stopped the use of floats, and the cloudy skies this year, York proved it had quite a

flair for Raising And Giving. It is estimated that more than £1200 was raised from the spectacle, leaving beaming Rage President, Roly Humphreys certain that they have beaten last years total.

“I just hope that the rest of RAG Week is as successful,” he added. The parade usually earns about a fifth of the total amount made in RAG Week.

Goodricke College collected the most money, Hannah Brunton, Goodricke RAG Rep reacted excitedly to the news: “Yeah baby…It was a brilliant day, loads of fun and I’m really proud of the fact my College has managed to raise £400 towards this years total.”

Ellie Murch, the procession Co-ordinator, certainly has something to be proud of, getting so many students out of bed on a Saturday morning and into the cold January air, dressed in clothes they’d only ever seen in old family photos and sworn they’d never wear anything that hideous is a challenge that should never be underestimated.

VC Brian Cantor with partner Gill Partridge at Saturday’s Rag parade

Oasis entertain the crowds

Austin Powers and his screaming fans Spiderman from Derwent

Rob Harris captures the cos-

A firefighter digs deep

SHOOTS YOU: Woody was there

20 FEATURES

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

DIRTY WEEKEND

some alterna...while Rachel Witham and Anne-Marie Baker check out cs and lovers tive weekend escapes for the culture vultures, shoppaholi amongst us.

F

CULTURE: DUBLIN

or a city more often renouned for its drinking tradition, Dublin has much more discerning cultural aspects to sample. Any worthwhile trip should start with a look around the famous Trinity College. Don't be put off by the abundance of American tourists, go and explore in your own time its beautiful library containing the Book of Kells.

Dublin is a city awash with literary culture and has been the home and inspiration for many famous writers.

There are numerous tours that will allow you to experience the lives of such greats as Jonathan Swift, James Joyce and Oliver Goldsmith. One highly recommended tour is the leisurely jaunt around the pubs frequented by Dublin's (notorious) literati.

No trip would be complete without sampling its famous hospitality, and of course it's Guinness. But this too can

be a cultural experience; check out the numerous Irish folk bands on offer in the capital's drinking regions. The Temple Bar area offers some of the best live music in the capital.

To round off your weekend (and perhaps clear a hangover), a stroll through St. Stephen's Green and the areas of Fitzwilliam and Merrion Squares. With its beautiful lush parks and ornate red-brick buildings this is where many argue the original culture of the city lies.

ROMANCE: VERONA

A

s a setting for history's most famous 'star crossed lovers', Verona is the perfect romantic getaway. It is easy to see why this romantic city inspired Shakespeare's legendary Romeo and Juliet. With its rose-tinted monuments and magnificently preserved Roman amphitheatre, Verona is the ideal back-

drop for you and your partner to spend an amorous weekend.

If you can prise yourself away from each other for long enough, Juliet's famous balcony on Via Cappello is a worth while trip.

Alternatively, get into the Italian way of life by sipping an Espresso on Piazza Bra, just outside the Arena di Verona, before the evenings events.

The city hosts at the "Arena", the imposing Roman amphitheatre, the most famous and evocative open-air opera festival in the world - from June to Sept. The summer opera festival is famous all over the world with more than 100 shows of the best operas,

Head to Boqueria, where a sumptuous array of delicacies can be purchased to re-energise a flagging shopper

such as Carmen, Aida, Rigoletto and La Traviata. The beautiful performances are the perfect summation to a romantic retreat. Book your tickets in advance on the official website at www.arenait.com

SHOPPING:

T

hough perhaps not instantly equated with shopping, Barcelona has developed in recent times a reputation as a

shopper's heaven. With a bountiful 5 kilometres shopping strip encompassing upmarket designer emporiums to local market stalls, and everything inbetween.

The best streets for clothes are Portaferrissa (for the less well off) or Rambla Catalunya and Diagonal (for those who wish to blow their student loans). For shoes, you should try C/ Pelai, the street connecting the Univeristy Plaza and Placa Catalunya.

The rambling flea markets of Placa de las Glories Catalanes, offers hours of browsing amongst all kinds of old and new articles. It opens on Friday and Saturday from 8am to 7pm. An early start is a must to barter for the best deals.

But if all this shopping is tiring you out, head to the famous food market, Boqueria, situated along the Rambla. A sumptuous array of delicacies can be purchased to re-energise a

At the rambling flea markets, an early start is a must to barter for the best deals

flagging shopper.

T

hese city breaks are all affordable(ish) on a student budget. With a little forethought and careful planning they can be only slightly more expensive than a weekend spent in York.

The growing availiabilty of cheap airlines means the flight need not necessarily cost the earth. Try www.go-fly. com, www.studentflights.com, www. ryanair.com, www.easyjet.com for the cheapest travel offers.

Though hotels may add a touch of glamour and luxury to a weekend away, for the cheapest option choose one of the numerous hostels these cities have on offer. For a comprehensive list of the cheapest and must reputable

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

LIFESTYLE 21

STAND BY YOUR MAN?

Soap Special

Louise Cohen and James Ravenscroft feel the generation gap, and re-interpret a 1950s “Good Wife’s Guide” for 2003

I

T

HERE is nothing wrong with looking after your man; he'd do the same for you if he wasn't so busy with important man things.

Obviously things have changed since 1955. Women today don't have the time to follow all the advice in the article - some of them work (though obviously mainly in fields such as teddy-making, knitting or bunny rearing).

With modern appliances they are given many advantages over their 1955 counterparts: TV to appease, handy supermarket convenience foods, the all-new microwave etc.

A lot of the advice is just common sense. Making yourself look good and trying to be interesting are things most of us do in every day life (though obviously some of us have to try harder than others…)

Some of the clauses here are hard to justify, such as not questioning where he has been or not complaining when he doesn't come home. But isn't marriage meant to entail trust?

We don't mind if you go out to the hairdressers or the beauty parlour and come home late. Relationships are all about mutual trust and respect.

If you are going to commit yourself to being a housewife, you may as well do it properly. No-one wants to come home only to be greeted with complaints that the kitchen shelf needs fixing, or there's not enough money for a new lipstick.

Making the place nice only takes a little time and effort and, let's face it, what else have you got to do?

In all seriousness, this is a very good guide to making someone feel good, even if it is a bit extreme (I have recently learnt to take off my own shoes) and I am sure it would not go unappreciated if reversed.

This is a perfect guide to greeting someone home after a long day of hard work especially if you have spent the whole day at home - whether that person is a husband, wife, house mate, boyfriend, or whatever.

Housekeeping Monthly’s advice, May 13 1955  Have dinner ready.  Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.  Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

relax.  Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

 You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time... Remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

 Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom... Arrange his pillow and offer to take his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.

 Try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and

 Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.  A good wife always

’VE GOT to ask, good women of 1955, what were you thinking?

This is sick and wrong and quite frankly in this day and age, it's just not going to happen.

It’s no wonder the divorce rate is sky high; women are now more assertive and more independent than ever, and yet there are still those men that automatically expect freshly washed socks and dinner on the table.

I'm all for standing by your man, but let's not go crazy.

Are we really expected to “be a little gay for him”? I'm sure that today this is every man's fantasy, but they've got porn for that.

In the 50s a woman would hide her boredom and depression, putting all her energy into “showing sincerity in her desire to please him”, whatever that might entail…

Who are we to understand his “world of strain”? We simple gals shouldn't bother him with our silly thoughts. Found a cure for cancer today in labs? Shush now dear, he's got more important things on his mind.

Obviously men’s topics of conversation are more important than ours. Let's see… Cars, football, naked girls. Undeniably earth-shattering stuff I'm sure you'll agree.

I've got to ask, is a man really so incapable that he can't take off his own shoes? What a powerful masculine figure he must be. Plus, it’s probably not possible for us to get anywhere near his feet without passing out from the stench.

Apparently we shouldn’t dream of complaining if he comes home late or not at all. However I'd like to ask why - if he has a “very real need to be at home and relax” - is he off out on the town instead of coming home for dinner?

The funniest thing is that we are expected to “lie him down in the bedroom” and “speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice”. Is this the beginning of a porn film or what?

Is the woman of today really going to stand for this? I think not. And yes, a good wife should always know her place; relaxing with her feet up while hubby's slaving over a hot stove. Sorry

Spring Fever

Lather Alfie Moon

(Shane Ritchie) The nicest man on the square, Alfie looks after Spence and Nana with no complaints and is generally lovely to everyone.

Let’s face it, we’d rather see him behind the bar in the Vic than Peggy Mitchell. He and Kat could well be Den and Angie for the noughties... He’s come a long way since the Daz Doorstep Challenge.

Susan Kennedy (Jackie Woodburne) Everyone’s favourite high school principal, Susan is the Neighbour we can always rely upon to be nice. Even amnesia hasn’t changed her personality. She’s lovely to her children and (especially at the moment!) her husband, and takes in any needy waif or stray who happens to wander into Ramsay Street.

Paul Trueman (Gary Beadle) Like a Greek Chorus, Paul spends most of his time watching the EastEnders action from the sidelines, puffing on a fag and rolling his eyes. The voice of reason, hope or doom depending on his mood, Paul has managed to win the hearts of the nation - without doing a right lot.

Laura Starkey looks at the new season trends soon to be hitting a high street near you...

I

T SEEMS to be one of the bizarre rules of the fashion world that as soon as an actual season gets underway, it is pronounced 'over' in style terms and you find the next fashion season's collections splashed all over the pages of your favourite magazine.

There's no denying that - at least this far north - it is definitely still winter.

But if you've been to Topshop recently no doubt you'll have noticed racks full of brightly coloured vest tops, teeny skirts and quite shockingly depleted stocks of anything likely to actually keep us warm.

Spring is apparently in the air, so here's a guide to what we could all be wearing when the weather catches up with the style pages…

First, good news for anyone who invested in some combats this winter or resurrected an ancient pair from the All Saints mania of younger years. As day-wear they are still cool, and the combats-as-eveningwear thing is still going strong.

High street shops will be packed with military-style pants, especially in bright colours and silky materials, for a few months yet.

Also worth getting your hands on is a military-style jacket. Wear either this or a bomber jacket with a warm jumper for the rest of winter and then on its own as the weather (hopefully) warms up.

Sportswear is hot on the heels of military chic in the race to become the trend of the season. As with combat wear, designers at the spring/ summer shows used luxury materials to create flattering feminine silhouettes and make casual clothes smart.

Satin seems set to be the material of the season, especially in shades of pale flesh pink, smokey grey and delicious brown-ish creams, the colour of milky tea.

Ordinarily easy to get wrong, next season's satin is foolproof. Tops are designed to loosely drape your top half, skimming curves rather than hugging self-conscious lumps and bumps.

Not so forgiving is the return of the mini-skirt. It's time to start taking the stairs and slapping on the fake tan, because there seems to be no escaping micro lengths for spring/ summer.

If this is enough to fill you with dread, remember things are never as bad as they seem. A good combat-style mini will kill two birds with one stone, sitting low and loose enough on the hips to be flattering and comfortable.

The key to wearing something short is, as always, confidence. If you really can't face getting your thighs out don't panic. The pencil skirt, still a feature of many spring/summer collections, is a classic alternative that will see you into next season.

Out h s a W

Cacharel Spring/Summer 2003

Blaak Spring/Summer 2003

Colours for next spring will be the usual mix of pretty pastels and citrus brights, but a new development is the popularity of cartoon-style pictures and bold prints. For kiddie appeal a colourful logo t-shirt is a must.

Also deserving of an honorable mention is the continuance of the punk trend. Zips, black, white and denim are features of most wardrobes - so with a bit of careful thought you can look up-to-the minute without actually spending anything.

Of course not everything designers send down the catwalk will translate well into real-life.

One interesting return for next season is the body - those bizarre crotch-fastening things we all used to wear back in the 90s are back.

This time they have cut away panels to expose the hip bones which admittedly looks great on all those models. The question is whether us mere mortals can look anything other than stupid in them.

More definitely hideous is the forecast 80s revival (again). It seems that every new collection for years has contained a few Dallas-inspired pieces, but thankfully this has never resulted in mass shoulder-pad hysteria. We all know that as far as 80s clothes are concerned, a little goes a long way.

To end on a warning, please note that characteristic 80s-restraint definitely needs to be employed next season.

Apparently we have not only horizontal stripes, but the return of leggings to look forward to. Even worse than the resurrection of drain-

Pauline Fowler (Wendy Richard) Having spent most of her life “over the launderette”, Pauline is bitter, twisted and has apparently accidentally doused her head with industrial strength bleach. Her voice is like a cheese grater on a blackboard, and all she does is whinge. No wonder Arthur had an affair with that Mrs Hewitt.

Dierdre Rachid (Anne Kirkbride) The Corrie script writers should have left her to languish in jail when they had the chance.

Even though she wears owlglasses, she manages to pull much younger men. Ken might not be charismatic but the poor man doesn’t deserve to live with this gravelly harlot.

(Laura Starkey, Kirstin Lewis, John Hyde)

22 FOOD & DRINK

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

MORE TEA, VICAR?

of the past? Bond Faulkner reports Is the national drink becoming a thing Don't let the water boil too long, as it will boil away the flavour releasing oxygen and result in a flat tasting cup of tea.

Brew 3 to 5 minutes (Stash Tea Co.)

"Tea always tastes better from a china mug" (my mum)

It's probably true to say that there are more important things in the world than the declining consumption of tea, but if anyone can suggest a better way to surface for that 9.15 then I'd love to hear it . . .

nIn Britain we drink 165 million cups of tea every day, i.e. 3 per person nTea outsells coffee by 2 to 1 in tonnage nThe UK tea market is worth £66million annually n98% of people in the UK take milk in their tea n93% of tea drunk is made from tea bags. n42% of the nation’s fluid intake today will be tea nThere are more then 3000 tea varieties

TIME FOR THAI

The Trinny and Susannah of the Food and Drink Team visit the Siam House

‘W

hat not to eat’ certainly doesn’t apply to the Siam House in York.

The Food and Drink section sent out our newest reporters in the guise of Susannah and Trinny to be bitchy, catchy and downright rude, but they failed and returned with a glowing report! Here’s what they had to say....

It's a fairly unlikely place to find a piece of the orient, but if you look hard enough, amidst the cobbled antiquity of Goodramgate, squeezed between the indeterminate Café Andros and the haute couture of Bon Marché, lies the little, understated doorway to Siam House. Don't be put off by the stairway traffic; if it's not an out-and-out struggle to get to the restaurant floor, something's amiss. Booking is an essential. Persevere.

Our twenty minute wait for the table, amidst staff scurrying back and forth to the kitchen, allowed us time to deliberate, cogitate and digest the seductively seedy ambience.

The décor offered a generic mishmash of Asian culture- the furry red carpet, bamboo panelling, elephant wall hangings and the odd tiger thrown in for good measure. The music was an eclectic decade hop of western pop gems, begging the question: What is Thai? Here comes the food bit. Concentrate.

A mere glance at the extensive menu demonstrates the distinctive ingredients and flavours which composite Thai cuisine. We weren't greeted with overflowing enthusiasm by our sour-faced waitress. But it was the end of another busy Saturday night, and all-in-all the service was slick and efficient.

To begin, we sampled a characteristic range of appetisers. Whatever these little morsels were, they were good. The Thai Prawn Crackers were less greasy and more fishy than their Chinese counterparts, melting on the tongue just when required. Bizarrely, the Prawn Fishcakes appeared to be the only starter on the table that didn't contain fish! Nonetheless, the omelettey centre was perfectly edible.

As-incidentally- are the flowers that adorn the serving plates.

What animated these fine finger foods were the condiments. Ooooh.... such con-

diments. A different flavour for every bite.

Satay, Sweet Chilli, Salsa and- suspiciouslyGo-Cat biscuits all came into their own here.

On to the Mains. The Crispy Aubergine was the stuff of dreams. Still we reminisce over the succulent sumptuousness of each bite. The kick of chilli. The slap of honey. Sublime.

For Vegetarians and Non-Vegetarians alike, this dish is a real treat. Not wishing to offend our feathered campus friends, the Chilli Duck was also amazing. Each slice of breast was cooked to perfection in a thick, dark, rich

We sampled a range of appetisers.

Whatever these little morsels were, they were good fruity sauce. As a mild respite from these sharp flavours, we enjoyed a green curry. This light, coconutty concoction is a more fragrant alternative to the classic Indian.

To top the Thai experience, a bottle or seven of Singha beer won't go down too badly.

Don't let the thirty-somethings staggering to and from the toilets discourage you.

We'll be frank- there are no student discounts and this is not a cheap night out. But come on comrades. There comes a time when every student must break free from the shackles of our meagre existence. Pasta and sauce, be gone. Oki and Efe, not tonight thank you.

From only £6.95 per person you too can partake in one of the finest gastronomic experiences in York. In our house, it's always Thai Time.

Miss Bond and Miss Bennett Siam House, 63A Goodgramgate, York, Tel: 01904 624677

C

an you imagine the outrage if Father Ted Crilly had declined? If Mrs Doyles' persistence ("go on, go on, go on") had fallen on deaf ears?

Well that's exactly what is happening up and down the country as the shock revelations that tea consumption is declining rock the nation to its core.

In objection to this outrageous disclosure it is time to remind us all that tea, to some people, is more than an early morning pick me up: "I tape a fresh teabag to the vent on the dashboard of my car. That way, when I turn on the heat or AC, I can smell the sweet aroma-Rachel Stearns" (yes love, or maybe you're just a cheapskate who can't afford an air freshener).

"I'm a teddy bear crafter and photographer. A really fun and enjoyable activity is to stage a tea party with teddy bears, photograph them in their finery with all the tea party goodies and dishes, then make greeting cards with the photos - or better yet, create stories with the pictures- Ele, Ele's teddy cubs" (yes mate, or maybe you're just crazy?)

Ok, Ok, so maybe there are a few who take the whole tea thing a bit too far, but here are a few good reasons why a cuppa is YOUR best friend too: 1) Rather boringly it is full of antioxidants and other minerals

which help to keep you healthy.

2) Doesn't the first sip of a cuppa, which has taken half an hour of drunkenness to make at 3 in the morning, taste great? Milk spillage, sugar everywhere, burning your fingers as you squeeze the teabag against the side of the mug- in all fairness it was a wonder you ever managed to fill the kettle…..

3) Would 'Richard and Judy' or 'Magnum PI' really seem as good without one? I think not.

So now we've established the importance of tea here's a few handy hints to help you get the best out of your bag: The three main enemies of tea freshness are light, moisture and storage; so keep your tea in an opaque, airtight, non-porous container in a cool place (the Tea Council) Good quality water and proper brewing time are essential for a flavourful cup of tea: Start with a preheated pot or cup (simply fill your teapot or cup with very hot water and let it stand for a moment).

Use fresh cold water to fill the kettle. Never use water from the hot water tap

04/03/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

Alex Rimmer reviews the latest first-person shooter from Epic Games, the eagerly awaited sequel to Unreal....

U

nreal Tournament 2003 has been out for a good couple of months now, and as anybody who's played it would attest, it is one of the finest multiplayer First Person Shooter experiences on the PC, and technically an outstanding achievement. Unreal II marks the arrival of the single-player version of UT2003 and sees players taking over John Dalton, an exmarine assigned to patrol the edge of human space for the Terran Colonial Authority. Unexpectedly, you receive a distress call and suddenly you are thrust into a battle to save humankind.

Let the fighting begin.

Building on UT2003's amazing game mechanics, Unreal II delivers a game that is quite simply stunning to look at. Excellent and entertaining in equal measure, the visual experience of playing Unreal II will just blow you away. Arguably, it has the best graphics currently available in a FPS, assuming of course you have a system powerful enough to get the most out of them.

The gameplay itself is usual FPS fare: aim, shoot, kill etc. However, you do get the chance to interact with other characters and some missions feature your character having to defend ground instead of just attacking it. However, the way you play the game is generally very linear and is stuff you've done thousands of times before - it doesn't particularly add anything to the FPS genre.

There are 10 worlds for Dalton to explore, including locations as varied as an archaeological dig-site to your standard alien installations. The

GAMES 27

PISTOL

n APE ESCAPE 2 Format: PlayStation2 Developer: In-House Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment Europe Release: Out Now

Monkeys in pants? It’s an unusual concept, but it the central theme to Ape Escape 2, a brand new PS2 game from Sony. You play Hikaru, a young boy who has made the mistake of delivering monkey helmets to hundreds of monkeys, making them superintelligent. They wear different colours of pants which indicate what their special ability is, for example monkeys with blue pants can swim, and monkeys with black pants can fire machine guns!

You must travel around the world and catch all the monkeys in your net. But wait, it won’t be that easy – there’s also the freaky monkey five (larger, more powerful monkeys) and the mysterious evil white monkey to overcome.

This all may sound a bit ridiculous, which were my first thoughts exactly. But once you start playing, it can get very addictive. At certain points in the game you get to try out new gadgets, such as a remote control car and a catapult that you must use to catch monkeys in certain areas. You can then browse the monkeys you have caught in your monkeypedia, or use the gold coins you have collected to unlock other aspects of the game. These include monkey fables (stories based around monkeys, usually very stupid), hints on how to find certain monkeys in the game, and fun mini-games such as Monkey Dancing and Monkey Football.

The game makes excellent

game also features an impressive array of weapons for you to dish out your own brand of devastation. These include old favourites like the rocket launcher to brand new ones such as the Leech Gun and the ever so useful Takkra. Although the game features no multi-player mode (because of UT2003 of course), Unreal II does come with a level editor which can be used to create your own levels. This provides you with the opportunity to see how easy (or difficult) it really is to design game worlds, as the editor featured with the game is apparently the same one the real game designers used.

Despite its phenomenal graphics, Unreal II really isn't anything you haven't seen before and if you've already got UT2003, this is

Catch those monkeys!

use of the right analogue stick on the controller, using it for attacking or searching out monkeys with radar. The graphics are crisp and colourful, but don’t really make full use of the PS2 capabilities. In fact, it is very much like a Nintendo 64 game, particularly Mario 64, both in the gameplay and the cute cartoony graphics, which means it isn’t exactly groundbreaking. Also the ingame music can get repetitive at times, and it’s a shame that there’s no multiplayer mode.

That said, Ape Escape 2 can be great fun to play. The levels are very varied, so you should never get bored of catching the monkeys. You also get to drive submarines, snowmobiles and large Mechanoids that look as though they have come straight out of a Japanese cartoon. It’s all very light hearted, and passes the time in between lectures very well!

The Verdict: It won’t be to everyone’s taste, but if you’re a fan of platformers with an unusual basis, then Ape Escape 2 is for you.

(Neil Forster)

just an opportunity for you to experience the game engine working in single-player mode. Also, the game only takes about 10 hours to complete, and there really is no compelling reason to do it all again. It may not be the best FPS on the PC, but it's definitely one of the better ones, and while it lasts the graphics alone make the experience worthwhile.

The

Verdict: Unreal II delivers what it promises to do: a fast-paced, welldesigned, great-looking FPS. Although it doesn't do anything particularly radical, it is certainly a great example of how far the genre has come since the days of the original Quake and Half-Life. The gameplay may not be particularly

n DISNEY’S TREASURE PLANET Format: PS2 (version tested), PSOne, PC Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment Europe Developer: In-House Release Date: February 2003

With the release of the latest Disney film, it’s inevitable that an official game is released too. Disney’s Treasure Planet is a reimagining of the famous Treasure Island story and sees our hero, Jim Hawkins, go off in search of the mythical Treasure Planet, a place purported to be full of riches beyond anybody’s wildest dreams. Of course, Jim isn’t the only one trying to find it, and he must confront many adversaries if he is to succeed on his quest. Yawn. You get the idea.

Treasure Planet is essentially split up into two genres: your basic platformer antics and Tony Hawks-style skateboarding sections on Jim’s solar surfer. The platform sections are pretty standard stuff. Anyone who’s played Jak and Daxter or Ratchet and Clank recently will know exactly what to expect. While not particularly imaginative, the levels are fun to play and pretty straightforward to negotiate. As well as the usual items to collect, Jim must perform certain tasks on each level to open up special keys, and a set number of these are needed to progress to the next stage. This could be as simple as collecting 10 green blobs in a level, or something a little more taxing like making your way round a ring course in a set time limit.

The solar surfer levels help break up the gameplay a bit, and whilst fun at first, soon become monotonous

and annoying. In these sections Jim must ride his surfer and again carry out certain tasks so he can unlock keys to get to the next level. While technically quite impressive, these levels really don’t add much to the game and by the time you get to the later stages you’ll be cursing your joypad with frustration as your sluggish surfer again careers into a wall.

The Verdict: Treasure Planet is by no means a bad game, in fact if your age happened to be in single figures then you’d probably enjoy this. As it is, Treasure Planet is desperately mediocre and really shouldn’t warrant much of your attention.

(Alex Rimmer)

An example of Jim on his Solar Surfer

It’s a funny old game

THE football genre of the gaming world is one of the most popular and profitable, especially in the UK. Throw a few teams together, decent graphics and a famous face on the box, and you're bound to do well. This has been proven by the long-running FIFA series. Every year EA would churn out another game. The likeness of this game to the previous instalment was all too obvious. Oh yes, the graphics were great, but where was the realism? Where was the spark that made you play the game again and again? I remember winning one game 36-0. Is that realistic or challenging? I'll let you draw your own conclusions.

Despite these fatal flaws, FIFA remained the best game in the football market. That is until the release of ISS Pro on the PlayStation. Now here was a game that didn't care about graphics (they were very poor) or famous names (Chris James commentating), but only about realism in the gameplay. It was a game that kept you coming back for more, and didn't let you win 36-0. However, because of the lack of state-of-theart graphics and superstars on the cover, ISS Pro passed relatively unnoticed through the gaming community. The two follow-ups to this game, ISS Pro Evolution and ISS Pro Evolution 2, were again mostly ignored. It wasn't until the release of the PlayStation 2 that the series would really challenge the dominance of FIFA. Konami took the same controls and gameplay as before, took the graphics up to PS2 standard, and added some real player names (but Chris James was still the commentator). Pro Evolution Soccer burst onto the scene not long after the release of the PS2, and its sales were as good as those of FIFA 2002. Not only that, but in my opinion it was the best game ever made in any genre, and probably still is. The single player mode is excellent - with international leagues and cups, and the superb master league where you take on a team of nobodies and try to create the best team in the world. It's hard work, but great fun. The multiplayer is just out of this world, especially if you have four controllers. Start playing a two-on-two match, and after 20 "just-one-mores" it'll be 5:00 in the morning, but you still want to play!

As you can tell, I like this game a lot and, it was with eager anticipation that I awaited the release of Pro Evolution Soccer 2.

When I did play it, the first thing I noticed was the change to the team names - West Ham are now "Lake District" and Newcastle are "Highlands" (what the hell?).

However, the names of players and teams are not important compared to the gameplay. I started a match, only to find that the creators have changed the basic player movement that was so great in the original. It is no longer intuitive to dribble the ball with a player, then pass it. What have they done?

They have destroyed the "easy to pick-up, difficult to master" property of the original. Now it's just difficult to pick up, and you won't want to master it. On top of this, the graphics are garish and eye piercing which makes it unlikely that you will want to stare at it for hours.

If you are a footy games fan, then don't be distracted by pictures of Roberto Carlos or Edgar Davids, or by new "improved" versions. Just buy Pro Evolution Soccer. It is without doubt the best of its kind, and probably the best of any kind.

28 FILMS

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

Stephen Spielberg's 'Catch Me If You Can' is the latest in a long line of Hollywood Biopics. The studios love these 'true stories', but do they cut the cinematic mustard? And just how true are they? Orlando Parfitt looks back at some classic examples of the genre . . .

H

ollywood is famous for its use of implausible storylines, as an escape from reality and the monotony of life. However, what makes some films even more incredible is that they are based on real life events and people, who have battled to get what they want, or feel that they deserve, out of life.

LIFE’S LIKE THAT

Raging Bull is probably the most famous and certainly the most critically acclaimed film documenting a man's life. Based on legendary middleweight boxing champion Jake 'the Bronx Bull' La Motta, Raging Bull stars Robert De Niro in possibly his finest collaboration with Martin Scorsese.

The film's accuracy is legendary, from the fight scenes that are nearly identical to those La Motta actually fought in, to De Niro putting on vast amounts of weight to play the older, much fatter exboxer. Yet most of the dialogue and dramatic events of the film were devised by the director and his star, often through the improvisation of the cast.

Joe Pesci's character, the boxer's brother, was in fact a composite character, and was actually around 80% based on La Motta's best friend. After seeing the film the real La Motta asked his ex-wife 'I wasn't that bad was I?' She replied 'you were worse'.

The importance of accuracy should never be overlooked in these films, with Malcolm X being a very long, but also a very good

Denzel Washington as civil rights activist Malcolm X example of what a Hollywood biopic should be.

Denzel Washington was given his Training Day Oscar essentially as an apology for being overlooked for his flawless depiction of the black civil rights activist who was assassinated by the Nation of Islam.

The only drawback to this film is that highly political director Spike Lee doesn't deliver a film more critical of America, in the spirit of his earlier work. Nonetheless, this film brilliantly portrays Malcom X's words "If you're not ready to die for it, put the word 'freedom' out of your vocabulary".

Critical reactions to these films are not always positive, though. The

People vs Larry Flynt, received a mixed critical reaction. However, this was probably due to the fact that the film waters down 'Hustler' magazine to simply a more explicit 'Playboy', rather than the vulgar catalogue of racism, sexism and the many other offensive -isms that it actually contained.

The film was based on the life of the infamous porn peddler Larry Flynt, who founded the 'Hustler' magazine, the first in America to show full fontal nudity.

Despite the criticisms of The People vs Larry Flynt, it contained an excellent cast (Woody 'Cheers' Harrelson, Ed 'Fight Club' Norton and Courtney 'Curt Cobain's Ex' Love) and superb direction, which made this a classic and entertaining film for the armchair liberal.

But being somewhat liberal with the truth does often seem to be a feature of these films. In The Insider, the film is factually accurate, although the CBS news network, which bowed in the face of tobacco company pressure, is let off the hook.

But it was the power of this film that persuaded me never to smoke. It is the story of the former tobacco employee Jeffry Wigand, who spoke out against his former employers, and consequently had his life ruined as the ruthless tobacco company sent him death threats, broke up his marriage and prevented him from speaking out.

Nonetheless this film brilliantly portrays how all of us who have smoked are being shamefully manipulated.

REVIEW CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

(out of 5)

Dir: Steven Spielberg.

Leonardo DiCaprio, Tom Hanks, Christopher Walken, Martin Sheen 140 mins (12a)

P

retty-boy Leo has had a good start to the year. His period revenge drama, Gangs of New York is a commercial success and looks set to grab some awards after being nominated for a few BAFTAs. Now he teams up with the holy partnership of Hanks and Spielberg for his second raid at the Box Office in a month.

You may ask why they would want to associate themselves with a prima-donna, but DiCaprio shaves off the scruffy beard from GONY, and proves to be one of the shining lights of Catch Me If You Can. The film is based on the true story of master fraudster, Frank Abagnale (Leonardo DiCaprio), who runs away from home at 16 to pose as a pilot, a doctor, and then a lawyer, whilst making more than two million dollars by forging cheques.

He lives a life of luxury whilst on the run from FBI Agent Carl Hanratty (Tom Hanks) before being caught in France and extradited back to the US. And he's still only 21 - pretty damn good going for his age!

It's your basic cat-and-mouse chase with Frank trying to get away with whatever he can and Hanratty always one step behind. Christopher Walken plays his loyal father, and Martin Sheen also cameos.

With Steven Spielberg as director and an enviable line-up of stars, you're not going to get a boring film or a badly-made one. Indeed, it's constantly watchable, running along at a good pace and generally keeping us entertained.

But it does seem a tad deflated at times with too much of the mouse and not enough of the cat, for Frank seems to find it easy to keep ahead of the FBI.

There's no sense of urgency, as if no one really cares about what Frank is doing.

This isn't DiCaprio's fault; he tries his best and knocks out a bigger range of acting than we're used to. He can laugh, he can cry, he can even be angry - is Leo growing up? With a face usually like a Ken doll (in the plastic sense), this is surprising.

Unfortunately, Hanks has one of his quieter films, a kind of post-Road to Perdition downer. Well, you can't please all of the people all of the time, which Hanks tries to do too often. This limits the film, leaving its great potential unfulfilled.

‘This is the kind of film that Spielberg can blast out during a free weekend’ Walken raps out an excellent fatherly role, but what do you expect from an acting genius? Sadly, he's not really had the opportunity of many good roles to show this skill.

The film will do well, due to the great draw of those magic words, 'directed by Steven Spielberg'. Punters are going to be entertained, but shouldn't expect anything deeper. It's a light-hearted breeze through Sixties America with the soundtrack to go with it.

But really it could have been so much more thrilling and edge-of-seat. This is the kind of film that Spielberg can blast out during a free weekend. Keep your fingers crossed that this doesn't mean that the best of Spielberg has been and gone.

Neil Barnes

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

FILMS 29

OPINION Tired of the endless round of obscure film festivals, Jess Shiddell gives the back-slapping, red carpet trotting, champagne guzzling, statuette grabbing luvvie scene a dressing down...

T

he film industry likes nothing better than a good film festival, but even a mediocre one will do.

There's nowhere better for the rich, the beautiful and even occasionally the talented to see and be seen.

But as the film calendar gets more and more full every year we have to ask the question; when does over-publicity become overkill?

Granted, there are a few festivals that serve a genuine purpose and manage to hold on to a shred of credibility. Cannes Film Festival, which takes place for a week in May, brings recognition to small budget and less publicised films that often aren't even acknowledged by film industry giants such as the Academy Awards.

But even this honourable attempt to put the focus on the films is often undermined by front- page coverage of what

Sharon Stone was wearing.

Film Festivals seem to suffer from a Catch 22 situation. The events often receive extra publicity and kudos depending on which celebrities deign to grace the event with their presence, but what small budget film is not going to be eclipsed by a mega star getting drunk at the post-awards party?

Who actually remembers the films that won the awards more than a week after the festival?

Another problem that afflicts the strange world of movie festivals is over saturation. You'd have thought that there is only a limited market for this kind of event, but apparently not.

It seems that every man and his pooch can start a festival, giving acclaim to every possible kind of film. This appears to be little more than emotional damage control, making sure that no one's feelings get hurt because they didn't receive an

award for their "art", darling.

Even the Sundance Film Festival, which took place last month, is suffering from a minor case of barrel-scraping.

Sundance is one of the betterknown and frankly better festivals, but that didn't stop them from giving out a "Special Jury Prize for Emotional Truth".

Amongst the gems taking place this month are Hungarian film week and the Independent Feature Film Market. Ask the average Joe Bloggs on the street and they will only be able to name at best three film festivals. So, if these events are not drawing the public's attention to these films, what's the point?

Maybe the truth of the matter is that this way everyone involved in film gets to feel important for at least one week of the year. Everyone gets to shine and nurse their inflated egos in a cocoon of mutual admiration and support.

at Clifton Moor Booking and Info: 08702406020 Showing times available at: www.warnervillage.co.uk Catch Me If You Can (see review) I Spy (see review) Two Weeks Notice Hugh G. & Sandra B. High concept stuff, obviously.

Yes you can-can: the organisers of the Cannes film festival outdid themselves with this publicity stunt from 2000

I SPY

H

THE GOOD GIRL

Dir: Miguel Arteta Jennifer Aniston, Jake Gyllenhaal, John C. Reilly. 93 mins (15)

H

aving been lumbered with the 'Loreal-sponsored' persona of Rachel Green for god knows how many years, Jennifer Aniston finally ditches those pricey highlights and sexy skin-tight jumpers for a hopeful sniff of that elusive Oscar.

The Good Girl sees her fall straight from the glitzy-glamour of Friends into a character with probably more problems than her personal hairdresser has on a 'bad-hair' day.

Aniston plays a thirty-something retail assistant, Justine, who is downtrodden not only in her dreary job but also by her husband (Reilly), who would rather smoke dope than give her a good time in the bedroom. Her pitiful sex-life is set to change, however, when a deeply disturbed, Salinger- obsessed young man- Holden (Gyllenhaal), falls for her. The two fall into an uncontrollably intense affair that leads to ludicrous deception, infidelity, and, you've guessed it, an unforeseen tragedy…

As with many American Beauty wannabes, it seems that every single theme from the 'Hollywood sure-fire Oscar Bible' makes an appearance in this film. But rather than actually 'exploring' the issues of religion, infidelity, mental illness, drugs, crime and morality, it merely meanders into a lacklustre dirge on matters that have no significance to the film itself.

Through this irrelevance, The

Good Girl appears somewhat spineless; it flutters over lives which are neither convincing nor possible to relate to. Moreover, director Miguel Arteta seems to be a 'passingobserver' rather than a 'hands-on' film-maker, with his shots generally lacking any insight. They remain static and rigid throughout the film.

In her rush for global acclaim, Aniston had seemingly forgotten to attend any 'feature-film' acting classes beforehand, since her performance is as bland as her deepsouth accent. Even though there are moments of sincerity in her structured narrative, her sequences die a slow and monotonous death due to lack of true conviction.

After the exceptional Donnie Darko, character-tagged Gyllenhaal (Holden) likewise fails to impress in a role that doesn't fulfill his true acting capabilities. Arteta fails to get inside his mentally unstable character and it seems that Gyllenhaal's sole purpose in the film is to prop up Aniston.

So is Jennifer Anniston "worth it" like those inane adverts would appear to suggest? Well, if the answer were based just on looks then I would have, in my laddish charm, to say 'yes'.

But as an aspiring, 'Oscarhopeful' actress? - definitely not.

The Good Girl lacks the vitality and shine that her acting career (and hair) drastically needs.

Bring on Pantene…

Jonathan Beaufort-Jones

The films, the cinemas & the showing times, brought to you (with banter)

by James Rose

Warner Village

REVIEWS Dir:Betty Davis Owen Wilson, Eddie Murphy, Famke Janssen, Malcolm McDowell 96 mins (12)

asn't the world had enough of spy films? With James Bond, Mission Impossible, Austen Powers, Johnny English and co. you'd have thought there would hardly be room for another secret agent, spoof or serious, foiling the evil men of the world with their nasty nuclear warheads and invisible planes...

Yes, invisible planes. Those of you who found it hard to stomach Bond's new invisible car will certainly get indigestion over I Spy's invisible plane.

Eddie Murphy plays a famous boxer, Kelly Robinson, who is drafted in by the American government to aid Alex (Owen Wilson) in a spy mission. Their task is to stop the transaction between a terrorist and his highest bidder for the invisible plane, which could potentially be used to secretly transport nuclear weapons or terrorist devices.

The combination of Wilson and Murphy is a successful one, with Wilson's serious demeanor playing off Murphy's rude-boy attitude. Their blend of humour, while slap-stick at times, also provides moments of genuinely witty and quick dialogue.

LISTINGS

But what would a spy film be without the use of multiple cunning 'spy-gadgets'? However, this is one of the few films where the gadgets actually break at vital moments. In a break from Bond, Wilson's character complains frequently about the shoddy quality of gadgets and instead tries, and fails, to emulate the super-cool Carlos, the spy of spies.

There were lots of small features which made this film excellent when it could have so easily been terrible. One particularly amusing scene involved the use of the secret weapon so that, with a contact lens and an earpiece each, Wilson and Murphy's characters could hear and see what the other did. Wilson uses Murphy to help him seduce fellow spy, Rachel (Famke Janssen).

Sexual Healing will never quite have the same effect again.

I Spy was a highly amusing film and quite happily filled two hours through its snappy dialogue and action sequences. If you're looking for something mindless and entertaining, then this is the film to see.

Louise Burns

8 Mile Eminem makes his film debut as.. himself.

Surprisingly down-beat drama.

About Schmidt Sharp black comedy with Jack Nicholson.

Chicago Jazz, showgirls, fishnets and Richard Gere’s cockney singing voice.

Die Another Day Director Lee Tamahori (Once Were Warriors) takes on the Bond franchise. Cue double entendres and vodka martinis.

Gangs of New York Only a patchy response for Scorsese’s latest.

Goodfellas it ain’t.

Ghost Ship Gold and ghouls on an underwater salvage operation. Not one for Titanic fans.

The Banger Sisters A former band groupy turned suburban mother gets a visit from an old friend. Susan Sarandon and Goldie Hawn star.

The Tuxedo Jackie Chan actioncomedy. What? Why? The Two Towers If you haven’t seen it already, it’s probably a matter of principle, but it’s still on anyway.

The Wild Thornberrys A feature-length version of the Nickelodeon cartoon.

Final Destination 2 Death catches up with a second set of attractive teenagers.

Odeon Blossom Street, off Mickelgate Booking and Info: 08705050007 8 Mile 14:00, 17:45, 20:15 Chicago 13:15, 15:40, 18:00, 20:20 Two Weeks Notice 13:10, 15:35, 18:20, 20:30

City Screen Coney Street, city centre Info: 01904 541155, Booking: 01904 541144 The Pianist Roman Polanski’s holocaust drama set in Poland.

Not for the faint-hearted.

12:30, 15:20, 18:10, 20:50 Catch Me if You Can 12:50, 15:40, 18:20, 21:00 Punch-Drunk Love Intriguing collaboration between the critics’ favourite young director, P.T. Anderson, and their bete noire Adam Sandler. A must-see.

13:00, 15:00, 19:00, 21:10

On Campus York Student Cinema (P/X001) www.yorkstudentcinema.co.uk All films start at 19:30 Week 6

Giovanni Ribisi.

Sunday

Thursday

The Last of the Mohicans Daniel Day-Lewis and (other) native american indians vow to protect their white companions from a rival tribe. Swashbuckling adventure made in 1992.

The Guru Mainstream cover of the Bollywood format, with Jimi Mistry, Marisa Tomei and Heather Graham

Monday Heaven Director Tom Tykwer’s follow-up to the wordof-mouth success story Run Lola Run, featuring Cate Blanchett and

Friday XXX A double screening (19:30 and 22:00 starts) of Vin Diesel’s all-action stunt-fest.

Fans of other XXX features may be disappointed.

Screening times given are for the week 7/2/03 to 13/2/03 and are subject to change

30 ARTS

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION 13/02/03

REVIEWS

DICK’S STAND-UP On 17th January Richard Herring brought his world famous Talking Cock to the Royal Opera House. Isobel Todd found it an easy act to swallow.

F

rom Egyptian hieroglyphs to modern toilet graffiti, the penis has always been something of a cultural icon. But these days comedian Richard Herring reckons it's more often a cause of personal anxiety than pride.

Determined to discover men and women's real attitudes to the humble porridge gun, he set up a website inviting people to answer such time-honoured posers as 'Does size matter?' and 'If your penis were to get dressed, what would it wear?'

Some 4000 responses form the basis of this fast paced show that simultaneously exposes and exploits the ludicrousness of our cultural assumptions. Why, for example, do so many heterosexual men chastise gays for not having sex 'the way nature intended', when their girlfriends all recognise the phrase, 'couldn't we give it a try? It is my birthday…oh go on, just the tip?’ Then again, why do heterosexual men get the reputation for promiscuity, when they clearly have to be doing it with someone?

In his successful double act with Stuart Lee, Herring was the sweaty juvenile who embarrassed his partner by finding feeble innuendos in everything. So it's surprising to see how sensitively he treats his respondent's confessions, and how candid he is about his own experiences- especially after he's bounced on stage dressed in leather trousers and an enormous codn 1984

piece.

He tells us that he used to have problems urinating in public urinals, that, as a thirty something male, he's had to witness his erections deteriorate from pointing at the ceiling to pointing at the picture of his granny on the mantelpiece, and that, since doing all this research into the mechanics of sex, he's had difficulties getting one at all.

But women shouldn't feel too smug about their genitals either. Whilst the STATS show that men may well have cause to feel threatened by the vibrator, the lists of vaginal substitutes they have resorted to- hollowed out cucumbers and toilet rolls filled with jelly are two examples which spring to mindaren't exactly flattering.

And though Herring begins by dismissing Freud as an, 'insane Austrian pervert' (his female respondents only wanted a penis so they could avoid toilet queues) he's equally keen to point out how many women wrote in praise of their partner's penises.

The current taste for cruel comedy means that tonight we're often laughing at the wrong moments: the tales of tiny cocks and 'penis fly traps' draw the biggest reaction from the women, whilst the men laugh raucously at one woman's description of sex as 'like twirling a tooth pick in a bucket'... 'Well, you called it a bucket love, not me'.

But generally this is, as Herring intended, a show for men and women to go to together. In keeping with his dictum that genitals were made to be shared, so too are the gags, and

throughout couples nudge each other and giggle, clearly reminded of a past experience.

This comfortable mutuality is one fundamental aspect that the Vagina Monologues lacks (can you imagine…

"Oh yeh, do you remember when me and my mates shoved that rifle up your vagina? Heh heh!") and yet it's clearly what's missing in our attitude to sexuality.

Like the respondent who, concerned that his girlfriend would be hurt when he couldn't orgasm, tried to simulate ejaculation by spitting on her arse, the tales Herring tells are simultaneously ridiculous, pathetic, gross and touching. They are all are testimony to the mess we've gotten ourselves into at a time when we're increasingly aware of each other's high expectations, yet still reluctant to talk to our partners.

Revealingly, when Herring loses track and has to ask for the prompt (not even stand-ups can keep it up indefinitely, you see) the feed line he's given is 'big bottoms'. There's nothing revolutionary about this material- but it is, of course, what you do with it that counts, and Herring's achievement is to mould a collection of knob gags into a hilarious show which, almost uniquely for live comedy, is about the similarities, not the differences, between men and women.

All in all, I can think of no better way to spend an evening than with Herring's Talking Cock. If only it could've been a bit longer.

n MNEMONIC

Lyceum Theatre, Sheffield 21st January

Riverside Studio, Hammersmith 11th January

I

mmediately confronting us with gruesome images of blood and violence, Northern Stage Ensemble's new production of Orwell's masterpiece seemed promisingly daring.

A huge cinema screen filled the whole stage, and folded back to reveal the actors on a completely bare set.

As the play progressed, however, it became increasingly reliant on film rather than live action, and it was obvious the entire budget had been spent on (I thought unnecessarily) on-location filming in Moscow.

Admittedly the coldness of the communist Soviet city was symbolic, and represented an attempt to bring

More like being in the cinema than a theatre

Orwell's text up-to-date, but I couldn't help feeling as if in a cinema rather than a theatre.

Interaction between the two mediums was not taken full advantage of, and the quality of acting (particularly from Winston, played by Craig Conway), merited far more live stage time than allowed.

Orwell's text was well adhered to, and the play actually seemed to contain little original dialogue, relying instead on directly quoting excerpts from the novel and interspersing these with cinematic visuals.

One particularly striking image was that of Winston, the central figure, as a naked human foetus, slowly rotating on the video screen, as his onstage counterpart was brutally tortured.

This created a powerful representation of the helplessness and vulnerability of mankind, in contrast to the controlling 'authorities', and was one occasion when video and live action interacted well.

Overall, however, my high expecta-

C

omplicité are well renowned in the theatre world for their beautiful theatrical creations, and this, their most well known production, did not break the trend.

tions were not met. Directors Alan Lyddiard and Mark Murphy failed to do justice to Orwell's compelling narrative and its frightening relevance to the present day. I left the theatre wanting more, with the performance failing to satisfy.

Originally written in 1999, the second revival of this multi-award winning play is slicker, more powerful and certainly more thought provoking than the original.

Without the physicality of Complicité's performance, Mnemonic is little more than a love story about a woman who leaves her longterm boyfriend to discover her ancestry, and another, seemingly unrelated story about the discovery of an Ice Man in the Alps.

But that is little more than an undercoat to the real story

that Complicité have discovered through their unique performance style. To start, Simon McBurney, co-founder of the company and director of this piece, gives a short stand-up comedy act that results in the entire audience wearing blindfolds and feeling leaves.

The play then evolves into a careful amalgamation of two stories to deliver

moments ranged from dreamlike and fantastical to chaotic and sickening

one overall message - memory is volatile and the cyclical nature of history is of more importance than society is ready to admit. Throughout the play, each stage in the lover's story is juxtaposed against the Ice Man discovery. McBurney plays both lover and Ice Man, sometimes even simultaneously.

Structurally, there are no divisions between the scenes - they flow together, whilst the characters change but the actors don't.

Sometimes a semi-transparent curtain is drawn across the stage, so that all the audience can see are blurred and distorted images, much like we see in our memory.

Complicité's use of colours, projections, music and illusion combine with their dance-like movements to produce a number of unique moments, ranging from the dreamlike and fantastical to the chaotic and sickening.

Apart from the sight of McBurney's naked middleaged body gyrating to techno, the overall effect was certainly stimulating. Even the more complicated movement sequences were tightly performed; although the closer they became to dance, the less they worked.

Live theatre rarely attains perfection, but despite occasional lapses in physical fluidity, the chaps at Complicité have come pretty damn close.

(Martin Kemp and Laura Dawkins)

32 BOOKS

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR Colleen McCullough

On Green Dolphin Street

Romance Rating:

Romance Rating:

The Thorn Birds

♥♥♥

Well, we know it’s bad, but it’s absolutely the best bad book ever. This is a compulsive pageturner of a romantic novel, promising (don’t they all?) to make you laugh, cry, and probably to change your life. Only thing is, it just might.

As Sebastian Faulks’ books explore love and human emotions in a sensitive and intriguing way, they are perfect to get you through Valentine’s Day. If you are a little disillusioned with the whole idea of love, try his latest novel On Green Dolphin Street, which is a brilliant work set in America in the uneasy 1950s.

‘too well written to be classified as a trashy novel’ - York Vision

If you are more in the mood for happy ending, try Charlotte Gray (the film did it no justice at all).

Anne Hooper

Romance Rating:

♥♥

An obvious choice for those of you in a relationship. (Or just sure that you'll pull a fellow desperate lost soul on the 14th.) Choose from a wide range of athletic positions, plus a few little extras to make you go 'oooh'!

Most people would probably say no, unless they take the form of some sort of sex manual (or for the more romantic among you, some poetry to be whispered into your loved one’s ear: How do I love thee, let me count the ways…etc etc).

And yet, despite being neglected at this time of year, literature is crammed with romance from the Middle Ages up until contemporary writing.

But what are the origins of

Romance Rating:

♥♥

What could be a better antidote to St. Valentine, boys and girls, than a healthy dissection of the whole idea of ‘romance’? In this celebrated feminist text, Greer argues that marriage is a form of slavery, and instead suggests rampant promiscuity. Cool.

Steppenwolfe

Nick Hornby

Herman Hesse

Romance Rating:

Romance Rating:

♥♥♥

Nick Hornby attracts two types of reader; the men who recognise themselves in the characters, and women who want to understand them. Even if you have seen the film, this very funny book is definitely worth reading. If you haven’t, meet Rob, a 30-year-old record shop owner in the middle of a relationship crisis. Not that I’m saying Hornby’s wonderful look at male psychology is all true, of course.

Right, I’m off to alphabetises my CD collection...

DOES ROMANTIC MEAN TRASHY?

V

Germain Greer

High Fidelity

♥♥

Romance? Romance was actually linguistic in its origin with its connections to French and Latin - all pretty dull considering what it has evolved

The Female Eunuch

Hate Valentines with all your heart? Or love the year's soppiest celebration? The Vision Books team chose a selection of titles to get you through it all.

Romance Rating:

ALENTINE’S Day is traditionally a time for love and romance, the birds and the bees and chocolates and champagne. So is there anywhere for literature and novels in this equation?

As the title suggests, this hefty tome contains more soppy sonnets and suchlike than you can shake your, er, big red furry Valentine’s teddybear at. All the ‘classics’ are here, so you can serenade your loved one until the morning’s light (or they fall asleep).

SURVIVAL GUIDE

Someone.

[Vision accepts no responsibility for break-ups this may cause.]

Romance Rating:

VALENTINE’S

Blonde Jokes

As the title promises, this is a veritable treasure-trove for anyone who enjoys the odd blondejoke or two (or 200) - in a strictly ironic sense, obviously. Blokes - we challenge you to see how many you can tell to your Valentine’s date before she walks out.

The Nation’s Favourite Love Poems

Sebastian Faulks

♥♥♥♥

Ultimate sex

YORK VISION 13/02/03

into. The romance of the Middle Ages still had aspects of love, although the genre itself was more concerned with codes of chivalry and quests for indentity.

However, to most people, romance is just slushy writing that employs the same formulaic tales time and time again. Women traditionally get a rough deal, and from Helen in The Seege of Troye to Bridget in Bridget Jones’ Diary, they have been voiceless individuals who are merely there to succumb to the dominant male will.

Male characters have less variation still, with the archetypal hero battling the ‘baddie’ to win the woman and gain their chivalric honour.

There is certainly still a desire in the book market for the type of literature where

the female is subordinate to the typically strong and aggressive male. How else would Mills and Boon books still sell 175 million copies worldwide each year?

However, it is possible to see a significant alteration in the style of romantic literature, especially since the 1970s. Women have become more individual with the growth of the feminist movement, although this is often only manifested through an increase in eroticism.

But Romance is certainly here to stay. Having been able to maintain its readership and popularity both written, in print and orally, for over 700 years, this particular genre has proved its staying power in popular fiction.

(Louise Burns)

♥

Valentines Day? Of course we know it’s a sick product of bourgeois commercialism, and besides, what self-respecting cynic would think otherwise? Instead, try the story of Harry, the Steppenwolf, a man trapped in a culture he can neither escape nor join. Sit back, check scowl in mirror, and enjoy Hesse’s seminal indictment of modern society.

Textbook of the month

INTRODUCTION TO ALGORITHMS The MIT Press (£37.99)

P

acked full of mathematical stimulation, Introduction to Algorithms is a rip-roaring rollercoaster ride through the crazy world of - you guessed it - algorithms.

Learn all about monotocity, the dangerously exciting asymptotic notation, and the mind-boggling inverse reflexivity.

What's more, with chat-up lines such as "Have you tried the Hopcroft-Karp technique?", you're guaranteed to pull*.

* Only applies to Computer Scientists.

(Jonathan Bray)

13/02/03 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

BOOKS 33

REVIEWS Resurrection Men

The Crimson Petal and the White Michael Faber Cannongate (£18.99)

Ian Rankin Orion (6.99)

I

t's hard to be attracted to a book that looks so dark and miserable on the outside, especially when the synopsis on the back promises that it will be, yep, dark and miserable on the inside. Ok, that's not literal but it's pretty close to the truth. The shopper who scans the bookshelves and sees this will find it hard to follow their Grandmother's number one rule, 'never judge a book by its cover'.

Resurrection Men is your typical crime novel; it has a murder case to be solved (two actually), and is set in some dark seedy underworld - that wonderful Scottish capital, Edinburgh. It follows Inspector Rebus as he attends a retraining college after attacking his boss. He's given an unsolved case to work on, with other wash-outs whose own secrets threaten his position. On a parallel, Rebus' protégé, Siobhan Clarke, is on another case that may be linked to his own. Rebus has to confront his past whilst hiding it from those who seek to destroy him; Clarke has to emerge from under Rebus's protective umbrella and tackle the harsh world of organised crime. This provides two contrasting views of the workings of CID as Rebus and Clarke fulfill the clichéd good cop / bad cop routine.

The story has great potential if you're into that sort of thing, but first time readers of Rankin may be left behind - due to the fact that there have been about 15 other Rebus novels before this. There's not much attempt made to introduce the main characters properly as we're expected to know them already. This is fine for fans of Rebus stories, they can get on with the reading. But the others have to rely on the story which, to begin with, isn't up to much.

There are several plot strands vying for your attention before you even get halfway through. If you're impatient, you'll give up way before this. But it does soon start to blend into a coherent whole that provides a good thrilling read. It is easy to see why Rankin is a bestselling author, as he does write well. But in this novel he is leaning too much towards fans of the genre, which is perhaps what he's being paid for.

There's a good read in this for the patient crime-thriller lover, those who like it when two characters sit down and talk about every single aspect of a crime for well over an hour's reading time. If you'd find it hard not to yawn through this, then steer well clear. Ian Rankin is a good writer, but Resurrection Men is too submerged in one genre, with nothing to appeal to other readers.

H

The Man with the Dancing Eyes

G

Sophie Dahl Black Swan(£6.99)

uys - if you're still hopelessly floundering in a sea of cuddly toys and flowers, wondering what to buy your beloved for Valentine's day, stop right now! Girls - if you just need something to cheer you up during this ridiculously gloomy month, take our advice.

Every girl this month should somehow obtain a copy of Sophie Dahl's debut novel, The Man with the Dancing Eyes. It is a fairytale for grown-ups that takes less than half an hour to read, but which leaves you with a warm and definitely fuzzy feeling; a quintessentially English tale with a wonderfully happy ending.

Our heroine is the rather bizarrelynamed Pierre, so-called due to 'an unlikely liaison between a bumbling botanist and a ravishing yet distant Italian soprano, who found themselves stranded, away from their native lands, on a strange electric night', and who was conceived 'amidst the linen sheets of the Pierre Hotel, as a fearful storm raged outside.'

Pierre grows up in a strange, decadent world of Italian palazzos and Aga cookers, her burgeoning romanticism encouraged by her love of old, dusty books. When she meets the object of her desire, whom she names 'the man with the dancing eyes', she is swept up in a whirlwind of love, sweet peas (which he sends her every day), and Bob Dylan music (which he sings 'tunelessly but with soul').

However, all does not go to plan and Pierre's world shatters when he is unfaithful, or in Dahl's words, 'commits an indiscretion'.

Pierre flees, broken-hearted, back to New York.

Of course, by the end, the lovers are re-united, which is the rather wonderful thing about this book it is about resigning oneself to being hopelessly in love. Add to the feelgood message the colourful, quirky illustrations of Dahl's friend, Annie Morris, and you have a winning combination not so far removed from that achieved by Dahl's grandfather, and his illustrator, Quentin Blake.

The only downside about The Man with the Dancing Eyes is that this book, unlike any of her grandfather's, seems to be aimed solely at women. Time will tell as to whether this Dahl will produce anything with the longevity of her relative's, but for now she has offered us an endearingly frothy, almost fragrant, creation. It will remind you of the power of love when you need to be uplifted, and otherwise look delightfully pretty on your bedside table.

Resurrection Men is your typical crime novel; it has two murder cases and is set in some dark, seedy underworld

is first novel, Under the Skin, was shortlisted for the Whitbred First Novel Award in 2000 and Faber is clearly looking to repeat that success with his new work, The Crimson Petal and the White.

The title is taken from a subtly erotic Tennyson poem, and its examination of prostitution in 1860s London would seem to indicate that Faber is aiming for a Victorian literary masterpiece of epic proportions.

Unfortunately, he falls some way short of this ambition.

The book concentrates on the trials and tribulations of Sugar, a prostitute longing to improve her situation. While authors like Dickens and Hardy dealt with the darker aspects of English society, but they by no means delved into the sordid details of sex and prostitution that Faber uncovers here.

His knowledge of prostitution then is admirable with an impressive amount of historical detail. Yet I found that at most times this research was introduced in a fairly arbitrary manner and rather than improving the style of the novel it somewhat hindered its flow. We find none of the subtlety in relation to sexual matters that Tennyson achieves in 'Now sleeps the crimson petal now the white'.

For a period romance novel, it isn't that bad and some people will really enjoy it.

Despite an extremely irritating first couple of chapters in which the narrator addresses the reader as if they were Sugar, his style is readable, and at times both amusing and touching.

The book is also beautifully designed, with marbled paper and illustrated letters.

However, his clear pretensions and his rather patronising tone continuously left me feeling exasperated and I was all too happy to put the book down.

(Louise Gaskell)

Personal Velocity

P

Rebecca Miller Black Swan (£6.99)

ersonal Velocity is an intriguing collection of short stories, compelling you to read it continuously from start to finish.

Beginning with the opening line 'Greta Herskovitz looked down at her husband's shoes one morning and saw with shocking clarity that she was going to leave him', the reader is guided through crucial moments in women's lives with speed and economy.

Miller takes the lives of seven different women and invites us to explore their innermost feelings. The short stories range from nine-year-old Nancy struggling to be noticed, to forty-year-old Julianne worrying about whether her party will run smoothly.

As a filmmaker, Miller inevitably gives her stories a cinematic feel. We cut from one glimpse of life to another, as if peeping through windows. But Personal Velocity takes a deeper look into the women's lives than would be possible through a film, as we can enter the conscious of each character; we are with Delia as she flees from her abusive husband, and we witness Louisa's attempt to commit suicide.

Each story can be read in isolation as they show a snapshot of an individual life.

However, the observant reader will also notice links between the individual lives, something illustrated through the order. The tale of Julianne's maid following her own and we are therefore shown two different views of the same party.

Miller won the 2002 Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival for her adaptation of the novel. She does, however, only use a selection of her sketches and this illustrates that some are weaker than others.

All are worth reading but for me the most compelling were at the beginning. A recommended read especially if you enjoy learning about people's innermost secrets, usually kept hidden from the rest of the world.

(Cathy Baldwin)

Amy Tan

Why you should know about her: Tan became famous with the success of her debut novel The Joy Luck Club and is arguably the most popularly acclaimed Chinese-American writer of the present time.

Tan has enjoyed success with her subsequent novels The Kitchen God's Wife and The Bonesetter's Daughter.

Tan explores the complex relationships between mothers and daughters and illustrates the dilemmas that immigrants face in modern America. A knowledge of Tan will let the skilled bluffer show off their familiarity with the current literary scene.

A brief summary of The Joy Luck Club: Tan tells the tale of a group of Chinese mothers

BLUFFER’S GUIDE and daughters through a collection of short stories. The characters are given their own voices to tell a variety of tales ranging from divorce in contemporary America to that of a concubine in China. The collection illustrates the huge gap between how first and secondgeneration immigrants comprehend the world.

Story lines to mention: that of Jing-Mei, whose mother is determined that her daughter

will become a child prodigy and tries to force her into the role in many amusing ways.

Ying-Ying’s tale, about meeting the mythical Chinese Moon Lady during the festival and discovering that she is in fact male.

Key Lines: 'My mother and I spoke two different languages'.

Some key phrases to drop into conversation:"I love Tan's sensitive exploration of second generation Chinese immigrants."

"Don't you admire the way Tan successfully interweaves voices and timescales in The Joy Luck Club?"

Don't:Mention that Tan has been criticized for romanticizing her novels and using ethnicity to appeal to a mass audience.

(Cathy Baldwin)

34 SPORT

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

GIRLS ARE TRYING FOR TOP

BY JONNY MORGAN NOT everyone is a fan of women’s rugby but if a bunch of hot women running around in shorts, rolling in mud desperate to cop hold of balls isn't your cup of tea, then fair enough. This aside, the University Women’s Rugby club have had a very successful season so far.

It began with a fruitful recruitment drive in the summer with the ‘Give Rugby a Try’ day and this continued at the AU mart with plenty of women signing up to the egg chasing ladies team.

Spokesperson Louise Phillips told Vision: “We have managed to bring experienced players and girls who’ve never even heard of the game up to a high level due to excellent coaching and support from the committee, Captain Lizzi Holman, ViceCaptain Anne-Marie Baker, and President Natalie Hewison to name but three.”

The team have also had a number of training sessions with the Yorkshire regional director of coaching, who is involved with Zurich Premiership team, Leeds Tykes.

The ladies are currently unbeaten in the BUSA league and have conceded just five points and scored a whopping 124 so far this season.

Off the pitch things are also going well for the club with their website (http://yorkrugby.ontheweb. nu) winning national recognition through an award made by International Rugby News Magazine praising the site for it's content and layout.

The prize will be a brand new set of shirts designed by the club themselves.

Last year’s tour of Edinburgh at Easter was a huge success, despite the apparent insignificance of disappointment on the pitch: IN THE last week the Cabinet gave informal backi n g to a bid for London to host the Olympic Games in 2012.

After months of wrangling about whether Britain would eventually enter the race, Tony Blair finally decided to take the plunge and begin preparations for an event which could pull Britain's sporting reputation back to the very top of the international ladder.

Jack Straw will lead a cabinet committee which will pack a £2.6 billion punch in its brief to hold the Games.

From a sporting perspective this could not come at a more needed time for UK sports. It will potentially provide the foundation for sports policy for next decade and put a resounding halt on the gloom of grassroots development which has witnessed the

York Women’s Rugby Captains XV “Although we got our asses kicked in the match, they are the champions, we drank them under the table, nearly got barred from Wetherspoons, climbed a mountain, went to a comedy club and generally made our mark on the city!” claims Louise. This year the club will descend on Cardiff.

The club have continued their charity work following the success of last year’s calendar and have since been bag packing in Sainsbury's in full kit to raise more funds.

This year the club are compiling a songbook primarily for sale within the club but also for anyone else who may be interested in the bizarre lyrics you may have heard the girls yelling around town!

The club play their final match of the season away to second placed Teeside tthis week to determine who takes the top spot. With promotion guaranteed for this season after top performances on and off the pitch, the only way is up for womens rugby at York.

BASKETBALL

YORK BEAT DROP

More points for York (dark top) as they survive relegtaion [ROB HARRIS]

loss of countless playing fields and ever declining health of children locked in a couch potato culture.

It would be ridiculous not to admit that there isn't a risk to these buoyant plans.

For a start, London is up against stern competition from the likes of New York and Paris. Both of which can offer attractive alternative venues.

Furthermore, the worrying failures of previous initiatives such as the Dome, Wembley Stadium and the doomed 2006 World Cup bid do not reflect well on British management. Which is all the more

CONTINUED FROM BACK PAGE Campbell and Scarfe combining for a brilliant score. At half time York led comfortably 26-19 and they were never to relinquish this advantage.

The second half saw the home team soak up lots of pressure but they extended their lead through a series of rapid counter-attacks.

At the back, Campbell and fellow stopper Monica Rohm were dominant whilst Anna de Matto was demonstrating some wonderful shooting at the other end.

The fourth quarter saw York on the back foot and struggling to protect their lead with Leeds scoring three quick baskets in a row.

Nevertheless, victory was sealed with a cool finish from the energetic Chiara Porro.

York force through to beat Leeds

Campbell was understandably delighted with the win and praised her team's fitness.

The number six, who featured throughout the game

with some superb interceptions, said: "We had so much energy - this game was so important and we're all really happy.

"They were quite dirty but we didn't want to play the same game as them because if you try to do that it gets scrappy."

She added:"Monica, Anna and Kim were all fantastic today but every member of the team played a good game."

York's women, who themselves had been hovering dangerously close to the relegation struggle, can now look to the rest of the season with optimism and aim for a top half finish.

On the strength of this performance, you certainly would not bet against them.

Aussies are best bet

priced at 8/1, however my choice would be Golden Globe winner The Hours available at 100/30. The Academy will be able to reward three of its favourite ladies (Meryl Streep, Nicole Kidman, and Julianne Moore) whilst saving the best actress award for Renne Zellweger.

Hopefully these snippets will keep you going and help pay those winter fuel bills. Come the next issue I’m sure we won't be looking back in anger.

A SUCCESSFUL OLYMPICS WILL PUT ‘GREAT’ BACK INTO BRITAIN

reason to get it right this time.

A successful Olympics will put the 'Great' back into Britain.

The country has a long record of success in hosting sporting events such as Wimbledon and the Ryder Cup, why shouldn't this extend to the Olympics?

The event would provide the finances for new facilities such as the redevelopment of Stratford and Lower Lee Valley through the creation of an Olympic village, the erection of an 80,000 seater stadium and a new aquatics centre

CONTINUED FROM BACK PAGE quarter meaning that any foul from then on committed anywhere on the court by York would result in two penalty throws for Leeds.

Fortunately for York this was not taken advantage of and Leeds scored just nine points to York's seventeen, meaning York were up by 22 points going into the final quarter at 53-31.

York still appeared to want the game more, winning the loose balls as they had done all match. A Leeds time-out with just one and a half minutes to go in the game seemed useless as York led 68-45 and the only action left was for Leeds to score one of two penalty throws to hand York a well deserved victory.

Injured captain Iain Brown praised his team after the match: "It was very impressive, that's the best we've played all season, it's better than anyone could have hoped for.

"We lost by 15 points to Leeds Met away so it's a great performance, amazing. There's no one player to single out, it was a great team effort" York finish in third place securing their place in the same league next season.

Forced to scrap with ‘dirty’ Leeds

Voice in the NICK CUFF

YORK VISION 13/02/02

located in the docklands.

Despite the estimated costs of the project the Games is expected to create 9,000 jobs, haul in another £610 million in tourism and create a healthy operating surplus of as much as £79 million.

London's reputation as a great international city will be sealed for the 21st century if the Olympics comes to town and British sport in general will be given a significant boost in both grass roots sport and international recognition.

So lets go for it and not look back.

AS OASIS once said: “Hello, hello, its good to be back”. After our brief mid-season break I hope you are suitably refreshed and ready to get back in the saddle. I have a fresh array of tips that will hopefully keep you spirits up in the cold months that lay ahead.

The foremost sporting competition taking place in the world this February is the Cricket World Cup, hosted by South Africa, and possibly Zimbabwe and Kenya as well. There is a huge array of odds on the tournament. We will start with the outright winners.

This looks like a straight contest between South Africa (2/1) and Australia (6/4). The Springboks have the home advantage, a well-balanced side and one of the tournaments best players in the shape of captain Shaun Pollock. However I feel that their support bowling may be too thin to sustain them if they are defending a low total.

As much as it pains me to say it Australia are your best bet. Their squad is strong in all departments, they have versatile players and when Steve Waugh can't get into the team

BY SUNSET SAM

you know they have got real quality.

Put your money on before they become odds-on.

As for England (16/1), I believe your best bet is to take Nick Knight as their leading runscorer at 11/4.

The team appear to offer little value beyond novelty betting. One such novelty bet that did interest me was the number of tournament wides.

In the last World Cup bookmakers Sporting Index famously miscalculated this and ended up paying out huge sums to happy punters. They have been somewhat more shrewd this time around and are offering bets on whether there will be more or less than 750.5 wides. As there are fiftyfour games in the tournament this works out at only 13 wides per game.

I would think that this is figure is easily achievable and suggest you back more than 750.5 wides.

Meanwhile away from South Africa there are a series of interesting boxing matches coming up. Whilst Mike Tyson offers easy money against Clifford Etienne at (1/6), there is more interest in the Roy Jones Jnr v. John Ruiz fight on the 1st of March. Jones is favourite with the bookies at 8/13, with Ruiz out at 6/5.

Although Jones is moving up a weight division I still believe that he will be too fast for Ruiz.

Jones was devastating in his demolition of Sheffield's Clinton Woods last year and has got a point to prove.

Finally the bookies have started to offer odds on the Oscars. Chicago is the bookies favourite for best picture at 8/11. Lord of the Rings 2 is

13/02/02 YORK VISION

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

STAND UP IF YOU LOVE CITY

BY RICHARD PRICE

WHETHER a fair weather England supporter in the World Cup, a glory-hunting 'Gooner' or a d i e h a r d Dagenham and Redbridge fan, the dire plight of York City Football Club is an issue that ought to be of the concern to every football-appreciating student at the University.

The likes of David Platt, Teddy Sheringham, Stanley Matthews…might never have become the loved and adored heroes familiar to us all if not found and tutored by our lower league grass-roots clubs.

Modern day players Johnathan Greening, Dean Kiely and Richard Cresswell all earned their apprenticeship at York and England U21 keeper Russell Howarth is one for the future as just a few examples.

Almost a century of tradition and memories on the terraces of Bootham hangs in the balance.

A simple glance around the Bootham Crescent supporters bar: the hanging portraits of cup glories and league triumphs; signed pendants of great visiting teams through the years; photos of footballing legends; and, of course, the punters themselves, visibly immersed in the rites, rituals, stories, folklore and

Society to encourage student support

community of the club, all hit home hard the history at stake through former chairman Douglas Craig's selfish pursuit of personal profit in placing the club in the position of gross uncertainty it now faces.

As the football cash bubble of the nineties is bursting in an unpleasant mess, it is the minnows such as the Minstermen whose fate is in the greatest jeopardy.

Knocked from pillar to post by the false saviour of John Batchelor and the renewed placement of the club into receivership, the fan's continuing loyalty in bailing the club through their supporters trust sends a message of shame to Craig and Batchelor's board of wreckers.

The greedy men of football can't kill the ordinary fans' undying love of their team.

Students at York have been enjoying the privilege of live professional football at the Crescent for forty years now: The expectant queue through the turnstile; the heated atmosphere of the packed Longhurst stand; the crowd banter; a chance to let off all that pent-up anger at the 'dodgy' referee; the meat and potato pie at half time; the ecstasy of a 90th minute winner from 30 yards out; and the lengthy post-match analysis with fellow supporting friends over several ales in the pub afterwards.

There really is no better way to spend a Saturday afternoon. Are the students of the future to be denied all

this by the reckless actions of a few individuals?

Having benefited so much it is only right that students play their part in the hour of the Minstermen's greatest need.

With all this in mind, Thomas Sheffield, the author and SU President Tom Connor have set up a student branch of the York City Supporters Trust, with the aim of playing our full role of seeing that City survive to treat and delight many more generations of students at the University.

Too often as a student populace we take all the joys of living in the beautiful city of York but perhaps do less than we ought in giving something back to our host city. Joining the crusade to save professional football in the city is one

Trust spokeswoman Sophie McGill keen to recruit students

way of doing so.

We appeal to all fans of football to dip into their wallets and give a couple of quid back to the sport we love: for the love of the game.

Keep an eye on Goodricke and Vanbrugh Stalls and Daily Info on how to get more involved in the campaign to 'Save City'. Alternatively Thomas Sheffield (tebs100 ) and Richard Price (rp119) can be contacted by email if you'd like to help out.

The Trust’s spokeswoman Sophie McGill will also be paying a visit to campus in the near future.

York’s next home game is against Hartlepool United on Saturday February 15 in a late kick-off of 5.30pm. The ground is just off Bootham, behind the City Art Gallery.

For more information look up the supporters trust website at http://www. ycst.org.uk/ l YORK CITY Supporters' Trust has made a formal bid to take over the club — a weeks before the club runs out of money and faces the prospect of closure.

It's the second formal offer received by the administrators, the first coming from Oxfordshire millionaire John Heynes and involving current club chairman John Batchelor.

Trust representative Steve Beck said: "The Trust has submitted a serious offer that, if accepted, will provide returns to the creditors and enable the club to survive.

Sky’s the limit at Bootham

BY JOHN HYDE

QUESTION: What do Terry Dolan, Cilla Black and Charlie out of Casualty have in common?

The answer, of course, is that each will feature in this Saturday's television schedules.

For while Cilla will perform more 'matchmaking' and Mr Fairhead helps to fix the latest old lady to fall down the stairs, Dolan will showcase his York City team live on Sky Sports when they take on table-topping Hartlepool United.

The occasion will be a small moment of history — the first City game to be shown live on television — and the Minstermen stand to pocket around £20,000 to aid their on-going battle for survival.

The game itself promises to be a real cracker.

Hartlepool, managed by former Everton striker Mike Newell, appear certainties to achieve automatic promotion this season and they boast an impressive eight wins away from their Victoria Park ground.

When City travelled to the North-East in November the teams fought out a 0-0 stalemate in a match York could and should have won.

The return on Saturday, kicking off at 5.35pm, could be just as close, especially given York’s superb form of recent weeks. A goalless draw in front of more than 18,000 spectators at Hull has been followed up with narrow victories over Macclesfield and Leyton Orient.

The home 2-1 win over The Silkmen took place on a Sunday afternoon in an attempt to boost gates.

This certainly paid off, with over 4,000 witnessing the crucial strikes from Jon Parkin and Lee Bullock.

The success featured match-winning performances from York's own Smith and Jones double act, in this case featuring defenders Chris and Scott.

Most recently, the Minstermen took three points last Saturday with a 1-0 win at Orient’s Brisbane Road. Anthony Shandran, a promising acquisition on loan from Burnley, scored his first goal for City deep into the second half.

With seven points out of nine, the magic word — promotion — is on the minds of the Boootham Crescent faithful. York have leapt to fourth place and

BIG FREEZE HITS UNIVERSITY SPORT

YORK’S sporting finest have been left frustrated this term with a number of fixture cancellations.

Worst affected have been football and hockey, with both men’s and women’s games called off last week.

Frozen pitches have been the primary cause of disruption. Pitches, still recovering from flooding last term, have again come under scrutiny.

College football has also been badly hit, whilst

there are few training facilities available on campus.

All university teams, who take part in the BUSA leagues, will face a race against time to complete their season’s programme with many due to complete their fixtures in mid-February.

As the competition hots up in regional and domestic sport, the freezing weather threatens to jeopardise the season’s conclusion.

£20,000 FOR TV

lie only two points from an automatic promotion place. There can now be no doubt that they have the potential to reach the play-offs at least - a remarkable achievement given the club's off-field problems.

Michael Ingham,a goalkeeper recruited from Sunderland on loan, has slotted in effortlessly after the sudden departure of Alan Fettis. Skipper Chris Brass has marshalled the defence expertly, ably assisted by Smith, Jones and wing-backs Richard Cooper and Tom Cowan.

Up front much is expected of Parkin and Shandron, the early signs being that they could form a potent partnership, particularly if they are supplied with more quality service by playmaker Bullock. The only problem could be the lack of depth within the squad, perpetuated by the loss of talisman Fettis (Hull) and top goalscorer Peter Duffield (Boston).

Any injuries to key players could be disastrous, shown when York struggled throughout January without injured utility man Brass. Nevertheless, the side’s recent performances demand that York City be saved from extinction — and there’s could be the

Passionate about sport? Creative and dedicated? Enjoy writing?

VISION NEEDS YOU! The sports editors are hanging up their boots so there is a space on the team to fill.

The past year has involved Roses, Ronnie and York

City and the future promises much more. If you’re interested in writing and editing this fine section then contact us at editor@vision.york.ac.uk.

SPORT 35 COLLEGE SPORT

Two horse race in title bid AS WE reach the mid-way point in the College Sport year it is looking increasingly like a two-horse race.

James and Goodricke appear to be pulling away from the pack, as they fight for dominance at the top.

The current table shows James just inching clear of Goodricke in second place.

Whilst third placed Vanbrugh are over twenty points behind.

The top two Colleges are locked in a fight for supremacy in almost every sport filling the highest positions in the majority of the individual sports league tables.

Again it looks likely that the one-day tournaments will prove decisive in determining the final appearance of this terms table.

Then attention will turn to the summer sports where James held a small lead last year, winning both the cricket and rounders competitions.

It looks likely that the whole college sport competition could go to the wire in the last weeks of summer.

Meanwhile at the other end of the table the Colleges on the north side of the lake are struggling for consistency.

Alcuin, Langwith and

Current table JAMES 63.5 GOODRICKE 63 VANBRUGH 50 HALIFAX 35.5 ALCUIN 32.5 DERWENT 32 LANGWITH 31.5 Derwent are propping up the bottom of the table. These colleges have been particularly hard hit by the cancellation of many of the football fixtures this term.

Langwith’s footballers may find themselves going on their Easter tour barely having kicked a ball in York.

Undoubtedly the poor state of the pitches this term has contributed to some of the recent disciplinary problems in college football.

It is only by the imposition of referees in all games and their authority being respected by the players that these incidents can be avoided in the future.

As for Vanbrugh they will be strong in the one-day tournaments and should be able to close the gap with the top two before the end of term.

This term’s league table must be particularly disappointing for Halifax who finished runners-up to James in the autumn but have struggled to shake off their Christmas dinners and now languish fourth on 36 points.

However all eyes will be on campus south as we wait to see if James can hang on to take their first title or if

Minstermen campaign for student support PAGE 35 l

VISION SPORT THURSDAY FEBRUARY 13 2003

ISSUE 144

YORK SLAM DUNK

BY JONNY MORGAN THE UNIVERSITY Basketball teams produced a double whammy of success over Leeds Metropolitan University when the sides met in the BUSA League on Wednesday.

First up were the Men's team in a must-win game to secure their future in Northern League Section 2B. Before the match they found themselves in the seemingly respectable position of third place, however had just six points from seven games after a forfeited game against Hull following transport difficulties.

York then faced the unenviable task of having to win to stay up in this, the last game of the season.

Things were even tougher for the team as Captain Iain Brown was sidelined due to a broken hand and they were missing three other players for various reasons.

First blood went to York with a swift counter attack after soaking up early Leeds pressure but an immediate three point reply came from Leeds to set up a closely fought first quarter.

The difference between the teams began to shine through as York converted a flurry of chances, while a number of similar chances were spurned by the Leeds forwards.

York's defence, led by number six James Riley, was strong and forced Leeds into their leanest quarter

York 68

Leeds Met 46

of the match, scoring just seven points.

York went in at the first break 17-7 to the good but Leeds were revitalised and came out fighting.

Strong defence and two vital blocks from the York team kept Leeds at bay and quick thinking and passing allowed York to extend their lead with Number 11 Dom Schulterns racing away from the Leeds defence to make a number of difficult lay-ups look simple.

Skilful play by Schulterns earlier in the half saw him score despite being fouled by the Leeds defence and then convert the two subsequent penalty shots.

Any traces of a comeback by Leeds, who showed promise with a few good three pointers, were quashed by York who took their opportunities well went in 36-22 at half time.

Leeds had their chances with four penalty throws awarded to them in the first two minutes of the third quarter but only two were converted letting York hold onto a commanding lead.

The frantic pace of the game began to tell on the players as three time-outs were called in the tenminute quarter. York's number five George Skandaras tried to slow the game down and as a tea York sat back.

Constant Leeds pressure led to York's foul counter reaching five in the eighth minute of the third CONTINUED ON PAGE 34

York’s Dom Schulterns scoring with a typically flamboyant effort PHOTOS: ROB HARRIS

SCRAP WITH LEEDS DIRTY GIRLS

BY JOHN HYDE

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AFTER such an emphatic victory by the men's team it was left to their female counterparts to complete the double success over Leeds.

They certainly did not disappoint, running out comfortable 47-35 winners.

The star of the show was undoubtedly attacker Kim Scarfe, who tormented the visiting defence with a series of penetrating runs and devastating dribbling skills.

Stand-in captain Bridgit Campbell was quick to praise Scarfe after the game, commenting: "Kim was excellent today, her ball-handling skills helped us to control the game.

York .............47 Leeds Met ... 35 However, the win was only assured through a resolute defensive display, as an organised York team easily contained the women from Leeds.

The home side started as they were to continue, scoring immediately after winning the tip-off.

Leeds were strong and physical, committing several fouls early in the game but York more than made up for their size disadvantage with superior skill and endeavour.

This was highlighted in the first quarter when CONTINUED ON PAGE 34

Star Player Kim Scarf laying up a great win for York