Issue 149

GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

Issue 149

Monday October 6 2003

S Y S O Y B O E B Y E B Y B ka: Goodricke Eri s lk a w t a c n o d n o L to in ten weeks PAGE 7

SEE CENTRE PAGES

YORK AT 40: Best university in Britain.

And the students? We’re no better than . .

SECOND CLASS CITIZENS FORTY years ago this week, 216 nervous undergraduates arrived in the small rural village of Heslington to become the first students of the University of York.

Today, more than 3,000 equally eager freshers arrive to find a bustling campus, home to 10,000.

Within the next decade this number will have swelled by half as much again as the University spreads eastwards with a £100 million-plus expansion plan.

VISION COMMENT

From these first tentative steps to forming the University after a 500-year battle to bring higher education to York, the dream was achieved.

Students were the beacon of the emerging York, proudly displayed as its prestige grew in the coming decades.

And now the highest accolade of them all — the declaration by The Sunday Times that York is the

2 NEWS

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Vision up for FIVE media ‘Oscars’ YORK VISION has received an unmatched five nominations for this year’s Guardian Student Media Awards — the Oscars of the student press.

The announcement of the shortlist will be welcomed as further proof of the university’s growing reputation as a centre of excellence for student media.

The paper’s five nominations include the coveted category of Student Newspaper of the Year, where it will face tough competi-

tion to retain its title against the likes of the Warwick Boar and Yorkshire rivals the Leeds Student.

There was success for editor Rob Harris, who has been nominated both for Student Reporter of the Year and for Student Travel Writer of the Year, where he’ll be going head-to-head with colleague Jon

Bentham. The paper has also once again been nominated for Small Budget Publication of the Year.

The prestigious awards, now in their 25th year, are judged by some of the biggest names in the industry.

This year’s panellists include Guardian editor Alan Rusbridger,

ISRAELIS ARREST POLITICS STUDENT

BY SAM WALTON

THE Israeli Army arrested a York University student this summer following his involvement in a protest against the occupation of Palestinian territories.

Ed Lewis, 20, was among over 40 protesters arrested whilst trying to protect a house from demolition in the border town of Mas’ha. The demolition was part of plans for a “security wall” between Palestine and Israel.

The third-year PPE student, an active member of York Students Against War (YorkSAW), was protesting in the disputed territories as part of the International Solidarity Movement, an international organisation of activists aiming to raise awareness of the Palestinian struggle in Israel.

However, Lewis has refused to speak to Vision about his arrest or his campaigning.

While in the past ISM members’ status as foreigners has provided them with an added sense of safety compared to their Palestinian friends, in recent months the Israeli army has reportedly been firing at ISM activists acting as human shields.

The most high-profile example of this was the death of Rachel Corrie, killed on March 16 when she was run over by an Israeli bulldozer. Rachel was trying to stop the bulldozer from demolishing the home of a Palestinian doctor in the Gaza Strip.

The movement uses non-violent, direct action to challenge Israeli occupation forces, and has active members of all ages from all corners of the globe. Lewis’ involvement in

l

Interested in journalism?

Want to join our winning team.

Get yourself noticed. Vision offers guidance and training for all new writers. All the editorial position listed at the foot of the page are up for grabs at our Annual General Meeting on Monda week 2 in P/X005. Join us at the Freshers’ Fair this Saturday, e-mail us at vision@ york.ac.uk or contact us from your campus phone on 3720

Army nabs Ed, 20, for blocking security fence construction

Palestine was partly funded by members of YorkSAW. Lewis managed to raise nearly £1000 for his month-long stay in the country, which was praised by YorkSAW Communications Officer Rory Palmer.

“We applaud anyone who goes out to Palestine in the spirit that Ed did”, commented Palmer. “We support him completely, just like we support the delegation of the Holyland Trust which went there this summer.

“Naturally we were worried when we heard he had been detained, and then relieved when he was released”, he continued, acknowledging that there was a considerable risk in going to places such as Palestine.

But York’s anti-war spin-doctor stressed that the adrenaline rush caused by the risk involved has nothing to do with YorkSAW’s continuing activism. “It’s completely not about the risk. There’s no fun in dodging bullets”, he assured Vision.

Lewis was released the day after his arrest, along with the rest of the protesters, following the demolition of the house they were attempting to protect. No charges were pressed.

YORK VISION Editor: Rob Harris and Louise Burns Deputy: Sam Walton editor@vision.york.ac.uk Managing Editor: Jia Li Advertising Manager: Chiara Porro advertising@vision.york.ac.uk Web Editor: Stephanie Small System Administrator: Nick Lay web@vision.york.ac.uk News Editor: Jon Bentham Deputies: Victoria Nicholson, Charlie Miller &

Channel Four News anchorman Jon Snow, controversial interviewer Martin Bashir and Sun editor Rebekah Wade. Past winners include Observer journalist Andrew Rawnsley, Heat editor Mark Frith and Guardian columnist Jonathan Freedland.

Vision currently holds the titles of Student Newspaper, Student Columnist and Student Media Website of the year.

Historic Minster library saved After several months of passionate campaigning, the Minster Library has been saved. PHD student Carolin Esser with fellow campaigners collected over 2,500 signatures for their petition to prevent the closure scheduled in September. The library will stay open for a minimum of 18 months, whereupon a panel will decide its eventual fate. “It’s been a great relief,” said Esser, “a really positive step forward - we now know they’re willing to listen to the public.

THE INDEPENDENT VOICE OF YORK STUDENTS Alice Stenhouse Politics Editor: Alex Jackman Deputy: Greg Harris Media Editor: Laura Dawkins Deputy: Post Open Features Editors: Ewan Tant & Joe Hynes Deputy: Simon Taghioff Lifestyle Editor: Louise Cohen Deputy: Laura Stacey Food and Drink Editor: Cathy Baldwin Deputies: Katie Bond & Sarah Bennett

Music Editor: Robin Howells Deputy: Rob Bell Films Editor: James Rose Deputies: Orlando Parfitt Arts Editor: Alison Neighbour Deputy: Dawn Morrison Books Editor: Jonathan Bray Deputy: Victoria Lyle Games Editor: Alex Rimmer Deputy:Mark Stockton Sports Editors: Ben Watford & Tom Adams

Deputy: Jamie Coggans Photo Editor: Simon Arnold Cartoonist: Timo Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available. Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2002. Vision is printed by Westcountry Design and Print, Exter.

4 NEWS

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

HISTORY LECTURER ROD HILLS DIES AT

BY JON BENTHAM FRIENDS and colleagues have paid tribute to History lecturer Rod Hills, who passed away over the summer.

HE ENHANCED THE LIVES OF GENERATIONS

The former leader of York city council died in his sleep of natural causes, on July 28. He was in Leeds at the time visiting a friend.

His death, aged 57, came just days after he had been offered one of York's highest honours the chance to become an honorary alderman, in recognition of his 18 years as Labour council leader.

Head of History at the University, Professor Mark Ormrod, led the tributes, telling Vision: "Rod Hills was a talented and dedicated university teacher who enhanced the lives of generations of undergraduates in the De par tments of Economics and History.

"He was a trusted colleague on whom everyone could rely to do a good job. His death was a considerable shock to everyone in the History Department and his contribution to the University has been noted in the various public obituaries published this summer."

Vanbrugh Provost Allen Warren remembers a committed man, whose life ended just as it was beginning afresh: “Not many academics can combine a career of university teaching and civic service in the way that Rod Hills did.

“For a decade and a half he led York City Council in a way that brought credit to the city and personal recognition to Rod himself through his CBE. As a result of his leadership

Talented and dedicated and the quality of officers attracted to work here, York was recognised as beacon authority.

“For the last few years of his life Rod was a member of the History Department. His style of teaching, which I observed personally just last term, was tough, questioning and challenging to the group of students, just as he was in the political sphere.

He has also been for many years an efficient tutor for admissions, committed to ideals of broadening access to higher education.

“Rod's last years were troubled. He experienced personal tragedy, he was subject to a whole range of charges on which he was cleared, and he died suddenly just as he was beginning to make a new life for himself.

“These difficulties should not detract from the significant contribution he made to the life and welfare of the City of York and all those who live, work and study here.”

Labour councillor David Horton praised him for "dragging up York by its bootlaces and putting it on the map in many ways when he was leader of the council." Hills' efforts in local government were recognised in 1999 when he awarded a CBE. Current city council leader Steve Galloway also admired the unique influence he had on York throughout his life: "One of the dominant figures of the last two decades of the city's life is no longer with us," he told the Yorkshire Evening Press, "residents will mourn his passing."

His death came after a turbulent 18 months during which he was subject to a range of charges of which he was subsequently cleared.

His funeral was held at York Minster on August 6.

Medical students arrive on campus

BY SAM WALTON

THE university has opened its doors to medical students for the time in its history, following the completion of the Hull York Medical School.

The joint venture, known as HYMS, accommodates 137 founding students - 69 of which are based here in York.

It was to be a quiet introduction to university life for the group of first years - their term started three weeks ago - but most seem glad of having the rare chance to experience two Freshers' Weeks.

"Our Freshers' Week was a bit tame," said Chris from Alcuin, "It was more a 'get to know you' thing than anything mad, so I'm looking forward to getting involved with the real thing." Chris' first night of university hedonism turned out to be a quiz in Halifax JJ's bar.

The relative quiet on campus the past few weeks has at least allowed the group to get stuck into their course, for which they seem to have nothing but praise: "The course is interesting and hands-on, and it's taught really well. I'm sure I made the right choice coming here," commented Robert from Goodricke.

Professor Bill Gillespie

Rod Hills, a much loved lecturer

HYMS employs an innovative, self-directed learning approach, giving students far more first-hand experience from day one.

The Dean of HYMS, Professor Bill Gillespie believes that "HYMS will be providing a world-class opportunity to study an exciting and forward-thinking curriculum.

"Many things will be done for the first time over the next five years," he added, "but the input of the very first students will be invaluable in getting the details right."

Naturally, a slightly more urgent matter is currently occupying the minds of the rest of campus: Are all medical students really as attractive as they're cracked up to be? Doctorto-be, Rachel, 18, certainly thinks so: "There are loads of pretty girls here," she told Vision, "far more of them than boys, disappointingly."

NEWS 5

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

YORK’S 40 TODAY AND No1 IN BRITAIN, BUT

You’ve forgotten about the students CONTINUED FROM PAGE ONE

them all — the declaration by The Sunday Times that York is the nation’s number one University. The institution it is recommending to a generation of A-level students that must now choose how to shape their destinies, at the nation's number one home of academic learning.

But as University bigwigs rest back smugly at this milestone, slicing an anniversary cake with beaming cheesy grins for the cameras, Admin have forgotten about why they are in their cushy jobs and why York is so revered.

It is because of us — the students. Now York Vision, the independent voice of York students, on this 40th anniversary, is calling for today’s students to be placed as priority.

Never say we are ones to dappen a party but there just isn't one. From New York to Beijing the University has spent thousands of pounds organising piss-ups for international dignatories. But where is the celebration for the people that make the University what it is. The 10,000 students who are testament to the soaring success of the campus.

Chronic underinvestment For years now student facilities and accommodation have been neglected due to chronic under investment.

As you settle into your decrepit bedrooms in Goodricke, Vanbrugh, Langwith and Derwent —some of the worst uni digs in Britain — you might choose to ask what the University spent its wads of cash on over the summer. A huge food outlet for conference delegates that the University allows students to use a few weeks during term time.

Surely here, in the form of the Roger Kirk Centre — is the symbol of all that is wrong with the University’s attitude to Joe Student.

When did Admin choose to carry out the bulk of the construction work? Why, during term-time of course — just metres away from hundreds of students' rooms.

The benefits of having a building site outside your window for a year are not difficult to imagine. And when was the building scheduled to be finished? Why, the beginning of the holidays naturally. Just in time for the conference season.

Our three years at university are supposed to be amongst the best of our life. Well thank you Facilities supremo Andy Macdonald — your thoughtful planning has already ruined year one for hundreds, and that's something they'll never get back.

And of course it's not just the building works. For anyone that missed our Goodricke investigation last year let’s have a little reminder of some of the students’ other minor quibbles . . .

Overcrowded accommodation Severe overcrowding - as many as 19 students are forced to share one shower and one small kitchen; “dirty, mouldy, unventilated rooms”; ant infestations in kitchens; asbestos in kitchens; “prison-like decor leaving students “demoralised and depressed”.

Welcome to the ‘Best university in Britain'.

COMMENT We put out an appeal for comments and complaints whilst researching the article last term and received a staggering 485 complaints in one week.

Macdonald would do well to take up Goodricke JCR's kind offer of the chance to spend 24 hours living as a student in Goodricke C. He would certainly learn a lot. There are 10,000 students living in York - one wonders how many Macdonald is on first name terms with. And yet he is the man who wields the most power - the man who can make the most difference to your life here at York.

The Vice-Chancellor is no better. Cantor may indeed be doing worthy work in his first year, building up our international links with institutions in China and the US, but again it's a question of priorities. He is supposed to be here for the students — being in the same country as them is a pretty good start, actually going out and meeting some is better.

And of course, as they push ahead with plans for the new campus, they naturally see a few years of disruption for students as a necessary price to pay for progress in the long term. But for York students here and now, there is no 10-year plan. This is it - three or four years and that’s our lot. Don’t forget that when you plant a bloody great building site next to our bedroom windows on the first day of term.

That ever-informative resource the University website has some enlightening ‘memory lane’ pages for

Pen-pushers in ivory towers anyone interested in how life used to be here when first few years of York's existence: “There was much socialising between staff and students [in the 1960s] who met regularly over meals in the colleges. Here everyone was introduced by first names" remarked one student, “I had no idea whether I was meeting colleagues, staff, wives or students.’

So there it is. Things didn't always used to be the way they are now. Take note Admin - and not just Macdonald and Cantor - all of you pen-pushers up in your ivory towers. Talk to us. That's the only way you'll ever find out what students actually need. It's really not that difficult.

And there is also the Holy Grail of York University, the central bar and venue. Promises have been made and broken. For years there has been an unending stream of pledges by both student executives and the bigwigs themselves, although to date, nothing has been done. Last year we were so close to acheiving the reality of our own bar. Then we were let down — again.

Now we have been promised an SU venue on Campus 3 — but who’s to say that Admin will be true to their word. They don’t exactly have a track record.

Vision is now forced to ask whether the University really cares about its students. We have run out of patience with years of half-truths and an unending

£13,242.94 THE SU-organised Graduation Ball flopped again over the summer — losing more than £13,000.

July’s flagship event has now lost a staggering £55,000 in four years — more than £1,000 for every hour of the event.

Next year the Grad Ball will be totally revamped with the budget being slashed in half.

Services Officer Chris Osborne has declared: “It is time for change — the

Admin celebrate York’s milestone – but will any students get a slice?

What the SU managed to lose at the Grad Ball as it flops again — now time for change

Students’ Union can’t afford to lose these levels year on year. I am totally overhauling the event next year.”

Grad Ball losses of £13,242.94 mounted after ticket sales fell nearly 300 short of the 1400 required to break even.

Graduating students were appalled at the standard of the event.

One ex-JCRC chair described the food and entertainment as being worse than a ten-year-old’s birthday party.

Osborne believes the £65 ticket was “extortionate” and wants £20 cutting of the entry for 2004’s event.

But the quality of the event is likely to suffer as a streamlined bash is put on next year. The venue is also likely to change.

The summer event was held at Askam Bryan Agricultural College, but the need to hire a marquee for £30,000 deepened the losses incurred.

The Bluetone's headlined event had a budget of £89,391 but this is likely to slahshed to £43,000 nex year. Preparation has already begun for the July graduation celebration and a date and venue is promised by the end of this term. l THE SU has announced that Your Shop is to expand to the premises next door after profits increased last year. Endsleigh Insurance will have an outlet within the shop when it is revamped later this term.

NEWS 7

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Goodricke girl Erika’s a global sensation . .

THREE months ago, the highlight of Erika Mash's week was a Monday night out at Ikon & Diva - now you're more likely to catch her sipping champagne with Kate Moss, after she was whisked away to start a new life as an international model, writes JON BENTHAM. Having successfully completed her degree in Biology at the end of last term, Goodricke student Erika, 21, was days away from beginning a teachertraining course here in York when she received an unexpected phone call.

It was world-renowned fashion photographer Patrick Anderson - not content with taking photographs of such stars as Claudia Schiffer and Cyndi Crawford for a living, he'd decided to set out to find the next big thing in Fashion.

Within days of seeing her picture on a website for wannabe models, Anderson took her to the Paris Fashion Week to introduce her to some influential friends of his.

"All the designers I have introduced her to think she has got something a bit special," he told the Yorkshire Post, "I

see her getting up to super model standard if she sticks to fashion."

Erika was more than a little apprehensive at first - it was a world away from her childhood in the village of Horbury.

"I'd never been to a fashion show before Paris," she confessed to Vision during a break between shoots, "in fact I'd never really even been to London."

That was soon to change - the Goodricker spent the recent London Fashion Week modeling on the catwalks for top designer Bellville Sassoon.

Erika currently has fashion shoots lined up in America, France, Spain, Italy and a bikini shoot in India for December.

So how does her new life compare with her three years in Goodricke College?

"Well, it does feel odd having people constantly filling up your champagne

glass for you when you're on a night out - it certainly beats queuing at the bar at Ikon," she said, before revealing some of her fellow guests at a recent party amongst them Kate Moss and the Eastenders crowd.

Erika may be 5ft 9 and have a size 8 waist, but don't despair ladies - it's not been an entirely fairytale existence for her.

Erica remembers with great sadness the recent collapse of a York society she held close to her heart and even helped set up - those green-fingered scientists, Biology Soc. And there's both good and bad news for the male half of York thinking they might be worthy of the next Jodie Kidd: Erika's reapplying to return to our humble university for next year, in case she gets bored of her new jet-set lifestyle. And the bad news? Her boyfriend just happens to live here too.

. . BUT SORRY GUYS — SHE’S TAKEN

MORALLY WRONG

Uni attacked for hosting ‘homophobic’ Church

THE outspoken human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell has condemned the university's decision to host the meeting of the Church of England's General Synod as "morally indefensible".

The renowned activist brought the meeting - held in Central Hall last July - to a halt by invading the stage with fellow protesters from his gay rights group Outrage!

The protest came just hours after the General Synod voted not to debate the controversy surrounding the appointment of the openly gay Cannon Jeffrey John as Bishop of Reading. Outrage! activists held banners reading 'Church of hate stop crucifying queers' and challenged members to put them to death in accordance with Biblical teaching.

Tatchell, who has twice attempted a citizen's arrest on

BY JON BENTHAM Zimbabwean President Mugabe, attacked what he sees as the hypocrisy of York's policy makers, telling Vision: "The university would never host an event that preached discrimination against black or Jewish people. Why is it content to profit from an openly homophobic institution like the Anglican church?"

Tatchell urged campus to tackle the issue head-on: "I hope students and staff will challenge the authorities' decision to host the General Synod," he said, "and secure a commitment that no further General Synods will take place at York University until the Church of England ceases its policy of homophobic discrimination."

As Vision went to press, Admin were unavailable for

comment and so unable to jus- ments. tify their conference booking The local press strongly policies. They do however criticised Ken Batten's team have an unlikely defender in for the ease with which the shape of Students’ Union Tatchell entered Central Hall, LGB Officer Alex Lambert. however the security chief has “I don't think many stu- revealed to Vision the true readents are really that bothered son for the lack of a presence about the Church of England in the building. being on campus,” he said.

"We recommended to their "They've been holding officials that we offer additionmeetings here for years and al security throughout.

I've never heard anyone com-Tatchell However wasOutrage in fact at their (right)itand plaining," he added, "Peoplecampaigners own insistence thatHall there be no in Central just don't feel threatened by security officials other than them." Lambert doubts stu- when the specific controverdents across campus will rise sial motion was to be disup at Tatchell's demand. cussed." The Outrage! camThe gay rights campaigner paigners chose to enter the sites several policies of the building during an entirely Anglican Church as homopho- unrelated discussion. bic: "A majority of members have consistently refused to endorse equal rights for lesbians and gay men with many openly espousing support for legal discrimination on issues such as age of consent, same sex partnership rights and adoption of children," he said.

The invasion of the General Synod by Tatchell and his fellow activists also focussed attention closely on the University's security arrange-

6 NEWS

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Overcrowded York — share your beds LARGE numbers of students will arrive in York this week to find an unwanted surprise awaiting them in their bedroom - another student.

University Admissions have overshot the number of students accepted into York by 190 this year, meaning freshers will be forced to share rooms in Derwent, Langwith and Goodricke, and will also be staying in Vanbrugh staff flats.

The accommodation shortage on campus has been exacerbated by a greater than expected uptake of offers by humanities students.

The Students' Union is seeking to reassure freshers finding it difficult to cope with the crowded conditions: "Lots of people are going to find it distressing," said Welfare Officer Ange Cheyne, "but they should be aware that support is available from both YUSU and College Provosts," There's little the Students' Union can do however, to help those returning students that have just discovered they have no home on campus this year.

A number of post-graduates, such as trainee teacher Alex Miller, were informed of their rejection just one week before there courses were scheduled to begin.

Miller was given contradictory advice by the Graduate Office and Accommodation Officer, resulting in being wrongly place on a low priority list.

He has now been forced to stay with relatives five miles from campus, and was informed he was not the only one affected by the error.

Security remove bikes to protect visiting Princess A RECENT Royal visit on campus resulted in a dozen disgruntled students having their bike locks snapped by bolt cutters, and their bikes whisked away by Admin.

Princess Anne was in York two weeks ago to attend a conference of the Citizens' Advice Bureau, held at Central hall.

Her bodyguards had prohibited any bicycles from being chained to walls or railings along the route she would walk. This was considered a 'security liability' for her entourage.

Although signs had been left around campus to warn cyclists of her visit, 13 bicycles in total had to be removed.

Any student whose bicycle went missing

The York Mummy Research team, led

by Joann Fletcher (second left), claim to have discovered the mummy of Queen Nefertiti (inset)

York Mummy discovery branded ‘a pack of lies’

BY ALICE STENHOUSE A GROUP of archaeologists from the University of York has sparked an international row after claiming to have discovered the mummy of the legendary Egyptian beauty, Queen Nefertiti.

Dr Joann Fletcher, field director of the York Mummy Research Team travelled to the Valley of the Kings in Egypt with a group of fellow experts last year to investigate 'mummy 61072', also known as the 'Younger Woman'.

The team was granted four days

by Egypt's Supreme Council of Antiquities to open the tomb - discovered in 1898 - then examine the contents and close it once more. The experts scanned the body using a specially designed portable, digital X-ray machine.

Several key findings, including the age of the mummy and the discovery of a doubled-pierced ear lobe, led them to believe they might have made the biggest archaeological break through since the discovery of the tomb of Tutankhamun in 1922.

But instead of receiving glorious praise from international colleagues, their findings have been attacked as "a pack of lies" by furious local experts, who claim the mummy isn't even female.

Secretary General of the Supreme

FIND OR FICTION?

Council for Antiquities Zahi Hawas claimed that Fletcher was 'completely wrong', branding the internationally respected expert an inexperienced beginner.

"She is known all over the world for seeking fame," said the deeply conservative gover nment Egyptologist - who has himself starred in numerous television productions showing the opening of ancient tombs.

Hawas believes the team had bro-

ken SCA protocol in the manner that they reported and publicised their findings and threatened to have them banned from the country. "They will not work in Egypt again," he said.

He has also fired off indignant letters of complaint to both York University and the Discovery Channel - who have worked with the British team.

But both are standing by the York Mummy Research Team.

Philip Fairclough, Vice President of pro-

duction at the TV network, said he has "total confidence" in the York team's findings, while the university has strongly defended their research - particularly their evidence showing the mummy to be female.

Some commentators have claimed the traditionalist Egyptian authorities' hostility is in some part retaliation aimed at the British for refusing to return ancient Egyptian antiquities such as the famous Rosetta Stone.

Blunkett to deliver campus race talk

BLUNKETT: Speech

HOME Secretary David Blunkett is to deliver a major speech in Central Hall on immigration at the end of the month.

On October 30 the hard-line government minister will explore how unity can be created with diversity in multi-faith Britain.

Blunkett is one a number of eminent speakers delivering lecturers on campus over the coming months.

Today (Monday) Professor Richard Dawkins, author of the best-selling book on evolution, The Selfish Gene, will talk on the

strangeness of science in the Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall at 7pm.

On the same day as Blunkett’s speech, Andrew Davies, screenwriter of major BBC literary adaptations, including Pride and Prejudice will talk about the pleasures and pitfalls of adapting the classic novel for television.

His talk will be illustrated with clips from some of his work, including Pride and Prejudice, Emma and Moll Flanders.

In November, Baroness Susan Greenfield, Director of the Royal

Institution, will deliver this year's WB and JB Morrell Memorial Address on Toleration.

Baroness Greenfield is one of the UK's leading communicators of science.

A series of lectures marks the 400th anniversary of the death of Queen Elizabeth I and explores a number of aspects of Elizabethan England.

Lectures will focus on religion, the darker side of the end of Elizabeth's reign, and Elizabethan life in York and Yorkshire.

COMMENT 7

YORK VISION Wednesday June 25, 2003

Write to: Vision Letters, Grimston House Email: letters@vision.york.ac.uk

LETTERS COMMENT

Why student standards dropping lower

G

oodricke college is a sight that everyone on campus should see. There is always the perpetual joke about student accommodation and the state that students inhabit, but when is this taken too far, with students living in shocking conditions in buildings that there designed as only a temporary measure.

For a University that prides itself on a high academic record and beautiful surroundings, the manner in which its students live seems to go against the entire belief system.

Since when has it been acceptable for students paying high rents to live in areas where there are rats running freely around and ant and bug infestations in their kitchens?

And why does it seem to be acceptable to brush problems like this under the carpet?

Admin need to face up to their responsibilities and provide students the accommodation that they need, in order for their student to make the more of the time that they have at university.

Goodricke’s C and D blocks are not acceptable and something needs to be done about them, and quickly. With the vast amounts of building work that are continually around campus, it would seem sensible for this health hazard to be addressed.

The challenge has been set. Now the real question remains to be answered: what exactly will be done about it?

That was the year that was. .

W

ell, what a year it’s been. Not only for Vision winning its title of Guardian Best Student Newspaper in the Country, but for campus as

a whole.

Building works still cover campus so that its changing face is no where near to being completed. However, it promises bigger and better things for the University as a whole, although the unresolved issue of a central venture still has a deadening silence surrounding it.

The Vice-Chancellor Brian Cantor has also survived his first year in office, although questions still need to be raised about his job and what he has achieved over the past 30 weeks. So far it’s all been plain sailing, but Vision, like Big Brother, is always watching . . .

The Roses win should also not be neglected a mention. For th e third year running York has triumphed over its Lancastrian counterparts, although it will be interesting to see if Peter Croft can live up to his predecessors and tot up another away win.

Similarly, all eyes will be turning to the new Sabatical officers as they try to fill the shoes of the leaving officers. Will Jones and Osborne manage to fulfill their campaign pledges? In fact, what were their campaign pledges? I seem to have forgotten already.

However, it is not necessary to be pessimistic before the new lot have even set up their offices in the S.U., it only remains to be said that they have

James talks back IN THE last issue of Vision have got us there with a very (Tuesday June 3, 2003), the annual astute point. campus Power List was printed.

James College, initially It was a masterful compilation, intended for exclusive postgraduand was a very exciting part of the ate accommodation, is at a big newspaper. It stimulated debates disadvantage to every other colabout campus goings-on for days lege on campus. This is because even if most of those debates priwe have no bar and no venue marily took place between individ- larger than our small junior comuals who were disappointed that mon room, with a capacity of their names were not included. about 60.

JAMES COLLEGE: Unified or not?

However, this letter concerns That's news to no one. So itself with the inappropriate claims what about our outstanding attended had a single bad word to Biblical proportions to stop us made about James College, that accommodation? En suite facilisay about the magnificent event, from winning this year. "with no money, no bar and no ties and new blocks popping up which is the only one of its kind Not only do we have great spirit, who'd choose James?" (page all over the place? Many other on campus. sports reps (including Stuart 15). colleges are severely envious, to It included the lake-dunkage Leslie, who only left because he Of course, in itself, I see no rea- put it mildly. not only of a variety of James became AU vice-president and son why such a comment should Secondly, that James has "no JCRC members, but also of SU became the 19th most powerful not be allowed - it is opinion after money". Of course we don't have president Tom Connor, as Vision person on campus), but we enjoy all, isn't it? as much money as many other reported on page 6. enthusiastic support and ever will However, the text came under colleges, but this year we have Anyone with any doubts about ing team members. the heading of a point made about made more money than any prethe friendly, comfortable and Of course we have our failNaomi Brown, chair of James vious year, mainly due to this enthusiastic spirit of the college ings, as does any college. We are College JCRC, and included year's fantastic entertainments really needs to look no further severely limited by our lack of remarks about how the only thing reps. than that event. But if that's not venue, and because of this it has she wants is "all the glory".

We have also learnt to be far enough, what about college sport? always been more difficult in What prompted this letter to be more effective in the allocation of James College has thus far James to motivate people. written was really that this whole money. As a result we have run never won the inter-college sports But when things work, they episode further confirms campus seven very successful events on league. Based on that statistic really work. As a JCRC we can't mythology of James as a rubbish and off-campus already this year alone, non-sporty types could sit back and let things happen college. Classic jokes include the as well as the quad dash and five make the entirely valid assumpwe have to make them happen. one about us not having a bar, the 'Open Mic Nights'. tion that perhaps it is a lack of And this year, more than ever, we one about us all being rich, and the And now we come to the final cohesion and spirit, which has led are making James College someone about us all being ugly. and most hurtful remark. That us to a succession of non-victothing others can envy, and we can "Who'd choose James?" said James College has "no spirit". ries. be proud of. the power list. Well, more than Page 7 of the Vision Power List But as reported by Vision's JAMES JCRC 1,000 people do at any one issue provided a large picture sports section, James has been moment, and 400 young 2003 from the annual James College leading for some time now, and it freshers already have.

Quad Dash 2003 - nobody that would take an event of truly Let me try to address the points Ben Crawley & Adam Gristwood: An apology accepts that they are not. We would like to apologise for raised in the Vision article. First, In Issue 143 (01/03), we suggested that Ben Crawley and any embarrassment caused to Messrs Crawley and that we have no bar. Well you sure Adam Gristwood, Editors of nouse, were racist. Vision Gristwood and withdraw the allegations of racism.

Political misgivings IS IT possible that the political apathy amongst York students that results in consistently low attendance at UGMs might be due partly to York Vision itself?

The generally negative and, at times, scornful tone of many of the articles in the paper, as well as the complaining nature of the articles themselves regarding numerous aspects of university life, do little toward encouraging students to think positively about helping to make changes.

Letters, which should not exceed 250 words, may be edited for clarity or space.

Please include a full name and address, which can be omitted in print

F

Conversely, it is more likely to leave readers feeling as though there is so much at fault that their contribution would have little impact and encourages them to join in the complaining, rather than take a positive stance.

It seems from recent letters that the political comment in Vision often oversteps the boundaries of acceptability by offending certain groups of students, perhaps making them feel ostracised from the student

Tom CONNOR

IRST, an apology: If you think this column is crap (or at least crapper than usual) this is probably because I feel as rough as Roly's mum after going out to Woodstock yesterday, before being woken at some un-Godly hour today by the most amazing thunderstorm I have ever encountered.

With car alarms going off left, right and centre, I genuinely believed it might actually be Armageddon time.

Fortunately, it wasn't quite the end of the world, but sadly for me at least, it is the end of my term in office. This is, frankly, the most irritating thing because it has come at a time when I finally feel that I actually have some understanding of what my job as President actually entails.

It's the one post that doesn't have a specific constitutional remit and consequently I spent the first few weeks in the job wondering what it was that I was actually supposed to be doing, a feeling that lasted until about Christmas.

But at the same time, it must be time for me to move on. No doubt over the past year I've become more and more institutionalized and no doubt I've started to feel less and less like a student. But then that's always going to be the case when you haven't taken an exam in over 18 months.

body and disrespected.

If this is the case, then it only makes it harder to encourage students to come together and take an interest in their university if they do not feel part of it.

Certainly, there are several aspects of the university that need to be improved with help from the students, but in order for this to occur, there must be a sense of unity within the student body, which will not be achieved by ostracizing particular groups of students.

THE EDITOR RESPONDS: On the contrary Vision every issue seeks to uncover University incompetence and inaction – just the thing that students should be campaigning against.

{My last column and my hopes for the Union |

Without doubt, one of the biggest achievements of the past year was that we were able to ensure that the university press ahead with plans to build some decent sports facilities and a central venue on the new campus when it goes up in a couple of years time.

Although this is not the immediate remedy we would all crave, without wishing to harp on about the significance of this once again, I just hope the sabbatical officers of the time do the honorable thing and call it "The Thomas Connor Centre".

Having been compiling the student submission for the university's audit next term, I was pleasantly surprised to find out that we have well over 4000 people signed up to societies and over 3000 members of the Athletic Union. Taking into account that a number of those people will double up, that is still an incredible level of involvement in student activities.

We are one of the smallest unions in the country, yet there are others twice our size with just 5 or 6 ratified societies. At the moment we have 83 societies and 53 AU clubs, yet still Vision had the gall to call you all boring!

Also, Vision could encourage students to get involved by focusing on what has been and what can be achieved, rather than continually stressing all the areas in which improvement seems impossible.

ALISON TWELLS

I just hope that the introduction of venue doesn't stop students going out and making their own entertainment in this way as you clearly do now.

At the same time, I would be foolish if I thought that the Union was perfect. It isn't and it never could be. Undoubtedly, students are put off the Union by the perceived cliquey political nature of the whole thing.

And I don't blame them. It irritates me too, but I hope people have seen some improvement in the way we have tried to run things this year.

Let’s hope future officers can find it in themselves to continue in this vein and not go back to the days of pointless roundabout discussions on political issues that, in all honesty, have no impact on any York student left outside of the room.

Since this is my last column, I'd like to thank everyone who has worked hard to contribute towards our successes this year.

In particular, I'd like to thank my fellow sabbatical officers (even if I have forgotten what some of you look like) and all the Union staff for their guidance and support.

10 MEDIA

‘YOU MUST TO STICK

BY YOUR PRINCIPLES’

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Newsman Sir Trevor McDONALD THROUGH THE YEARS McDonald tells ROB HARRIS about defying his bosses over Iraq and his battle to retain integrity in journalism you are doing. It is totally wrong to pretend that you are doing one thing and do another.

“In fact I think it is indefensible.”

From first discovering his love of journalism while growing up in Trinidad, McDonald has become one of the most valuable assets industry.

He admits himself that his entry into journalism was “a failure to do anything better” but now “I’ve been around for hundreds of years.”

He recalled: “All these guys who were swanning round the world at someone else’s expense and getting front seats at some of the major international events. I wanted to be part of it.”

And he certainly has — becoming a fixture in the nation’s living rooms nightly on News at Ten. At a time when TV executives are bringing in younger, more glamourous faces to front news bulletins, McDonald is one of the few remaining 60-plus anchors on our screens.

One of the last bastions of honest reporting, he sees it as his duty to defend the news industry against journalists that tarnish this image.

“YOU have to be able to tell it describing the threat was “too as it is.” Simple words, but strong”.

Millions entrust him as their news after three decades in the every night and he has become news business, Sir Trevor source undoubtedly the biggest brand name McDonald is unambiguous in television news. This revelation about how news should be perhaps indicates why he remains so delivered – fairly, accurately popular with the British public. and well balanced.

“I refused to do a piece while in The veteran anchorman sees him- Baghdad about weapons of mass self in a responsible position – with a destruction [the 45-minute claim]. I duty to share information with the said that I could find nothing in what world and inform people just what is I had read or [in] any evidence from going on. anyone I had talked to that this was And the News at Ten presenter possible — that London could be hit,” insists that he won’t pull any punches he said. to uphold his sacred values – even if it There aren’t many people who can means sparring with his bosses and defy their bosses and get away with it. criticising his colleagues.

But Sir Trevor is the undoubtedly the McDonald has revealed to Vision biggest brand in television news and how he defied ITV news chiefs by he is consistently voted the most poprefusing to report the government’s ular newsman in the country. key defence of war in Iraq – the infaHe also secures the biggest scoops. mous 45-minute claim. He has also In November 1990, he interviewed launched a blistering attack on Saddam Hussein before the first Gulf Martin Bashir’s controversial inter- war — the only British reporter to do view with Michael Jackson – on so. After Nelson Mandela’s release, McDonald’s own Tonight programme. McDonald secured the first interview Two startling revelations from a with the former prisoner. It is only man not normally associated with this job security that he claims allows such headline-grabbing comments. him to challenge his bosses.

Sir Trevor recalled how before the “It’s a little late to fire me now, so I outbreak of war, earlier this year, he could afford to do that [refuse to stood his ground against his superi- report the 45-minute warning story]. ors who wanted him to focus on the They’ve tolerated me for so long, they perceived threat from the Iraqi wouldn’t want to get rid of me in a regime’s weapons of mass destruc- manner like that. You have to try and tion. stick by your principles. But this is Now he appears vindicated. The not an easy option,” he said. claim that Saddam could attack “I have had pressure to follow a British interests within 45 minutes certain line. Editors send you out on has since been largely undermined by stories with some pre-conceived ideas a senior intelligence official at the and you have to be able to come back Hutton Inquiry, who felt the language and say look: ‘I am terribly sorry, you

. . AND 2-D TREV

may be absolutely right, but I actually didn’t find that’.”

McDonald detests the manner in which the overly-patriotic Fox News in America disregards balanced coverage to grab viewers with its flag waving coverage of the War on Terror.

He spent six weeks watching the network while stationed in Kuwait for the war – but it seems he would rather have not.

“I don’t have a great deal of regard for that [flag-waving]. Good luck to them. It’s always a temptation to cash in waves of feelings and make yourself popular,” he told Vision at a Daily Telegraph organised event.

“This demonstration of patriotism is the last resort of the scoundrel.”

Integrity is a common theme whilst talking to McDonald. He is intensely keen to reiterate his insistence that journalists operate unscrupulously.

He did not even mind attacking one of his own colleagues to display his convictions.

The normally unflappable newsman had strong words about his colleague Martin Bashir’s interview with Michael Jackson on Tonight with Trevor McDonald.

Jacko claimed that the journalist went back on deals not to use footage of his children without their masks or raise the subject of child abuse claims in the February interview.

So is McDonald confident that the techniques employed by Bashir were proper and moral?

“I’ve a bit of a problem here. I don’t like subterfuges of any kind. If they were used then they were wrong.

“You do have to tell people what

SCAN newspaper from Lancaster Life is getting dangerous for the o University comments on the probo Oxford students as one female stulem of building works. There are 402 dent was taken to hospital after ground new post graduate rooms being built and question marks still remain over whether they will be inhabitable by the start of term.

glass was put in her drink. Even though she had to stay in hospital overnight, the student is reported to have recovered.

University is facing simiOther front page news from THE oWarwick lar housing problems reports The o Lancaster over the summer was Warwick Boar. Hundreds of Freshers the ground breaking story that 2015 STUDENT spent their first nights at university at Lancaster students had graduated.

Coventry hotel due to a delay in conSources are still investingating as to PRESS astruction works on campus. whether this is a good thing or not.

COMMENT 11

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

YORK VISION

WINNER OF 3 GUARDIAN MEDIA AWARDS

{ Freshers: Just

do do do and say yes to everything

I

Chris JONES |

’ve been in whimsical mood of late, but that’s nothing new.

Living on your own for three months over the summer with most of your friends having graduated means that reflection and self-pity can take up an alarmingly large amount of time.

I will even admit to getting more than a little teary whilst watching Forrest Gump the other week, resulting in one of those peculiarly regular ‘re-evaluating the meaning of it all’ sessions, trying earnestly to establish the importance of love, honesty and rock ‘n’ roll.

Luckily though, as is the style of the time, I once again concluded, with a little help from a dusky riverside walk, that life is fantastically snazzy and we should cherish every beautiful moment.

I thought back to October 2000 when I arrived in York as a nervously excited fresher, anxious to see what life was like outside the confines of my tiny Suffolk village and thrilled at the prospect of being surrounded by people who might like the same things as me and think the same things as me.

This was a particularly snazzy time in my life and I dearly hope that it will be for all the new kids

this year.

To have so many tantalising opportunities dangled before the temptation of lethargy can be bamboozling, but grab them, grab every single one!

Student life has so much to give and so many of the things you get to do will never be offered to you again, and certainly not in such an accessible way.

Play every sport, sign up to every society, go to every event, do it all and you’ll get more out of life than you’d ever believe was possible.

This doesn’t just apply to freshers of course, there are always new things for everyone to try – I didn’t even know what the SU was until the end of my first year. Just do do do and say yes to everything!

Blimey, I had decided months ago that my first Vision column would be funny, but instead my year has begun with a winsome indie boy tirade of over optimism - good.

I really mean every word of what I’ve written; take any chance you get to try something new.

If it doesn’t work out, who cares, just try something else and you’ll be sure that you’ll end your time here without a single regret. Good luck.

The writer is President of YUSU.

COMPETITION FOR WALKERS CRISP GOODIES WALKERS Snacks are enbarking on a new promotion, where for eight weeks they are giving you the chance to win 17 million free Chinese or Indian meals.

The promotion is free and there are 3,000 resturants around the country which will accept these vouchers in exchange for a meal. To find the nearest one to you simply visit: www.walkers.co.uk For the chance to win ten Indian or Chinese Meal vouchers plus a box of Walkers snacks, courtesy of Walkers Crisps simply answer this easy question:

vvvv CONSIDERING the acrimonious bitch-fest that characterised the Students' Union under FFION EVANS' dubious reign, you'd be forgiven for thinking it was all Happy Families in the SU last year with CONNOR at the helm. Think again.

One high profile member of Exec offered Vision an on the record attack of unprecedented ferocity blasting a work-shy sabbatical officer in time for the last issue of the year only to duck out at the last moment.

The exceedingly bitter individual staggered over to HYH at the final Tuesday Toffs of the summer (always an emotional affair), and attempted to slur their regret at having not "fucking exposed that fucking lazy, utterly fucking pointless [colleague, who was] barely in the fucking office all year."

Any guesses as to the identity of the largely absent sabb? Here's a clue to drop a few jaws - it wasn't JAMES BYRON. Answers on a postcard people.

vvvv JUST unpacked your bags Freshers? Got any backpacks or empty boxes lying around? GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE - IT COULD BLOW ANY MOMENT! Or not, depending on whether you trust the advice of 'SHEILA', a rather over-zealous member of Admin.

"Get that empty box out of your room," she grumpily told one Goodricke C inmate last year, going on to explain that "it contains oxygen - and that's a fire hazard."

It's probably worth bearing in mind that this particular inspection took place in the very same palatial campus blocks that were blessed with missing fire hoses, dodgy wiring, leaking ceilings, and a fire alarm that "only works sometimes".

Nevertheless, that's no excuse for sloppiness - as our Sheila would surely testify to. And she of course gasped at the horrific sight of an empty bag on the floor of the next student's room. "Get it outta here!" she screamed, "it's got

Email your answers to competitions@vision.york.ac.uk by Monday week 3.

Don’t worry if you don’t win first prize, as there are four vouchers available for 50 runners-up!

Vision thanks Thanks to Joe Bentham for art work, and many thanks to all you Visionites who graduated last year and have gone on to greater things (if that’s possible).

But most of all… special thanks to Ashley Dé and Andy Winsor – aka The James Revolutionary Front - who created The Sketch two and a half years ago and between them have written it ever since.

Yup, it was them all along.

Without doubt the finest purveyors of bum-hattery in the history of Vision – you will be sorely missed.

Have you heard?

EXCITING news courtesy of the HYH inbox - Head of Politics MARK EVANS spotted boogying to CHESNEY HAWKS at the Gallery Nightclub!

The Halifax Provost wasted no time testing out his rug-cutting skills following the college's ill-fated boat cruise at the end of last term. And much to the delight of one opportunistic second-year, who managed to convince the middleaged bopper that £10 is a perfectly fair price for three cigarettes.

Have you spotted a cardiganclad Head of Department getting hot and sweaty on a Tuesday night at Toffs? Keep your eyes peeled readers - address at the top.

What was Gary Lineker before he was the star of Walkers’ cracking commercials?

A: Fireman B: Resturant owner C: Footballer

oxygen in it - that's a fire hazard!"

The exasperated undergraduate attempted to explain the fallacy of her logic, pointing out that the pile of revision notes on his table, for example, also contained oxygen. "Good point," she replied, "that's a fire hazard too - get 'em outta here."

Alas, the mighty task of ensuring the safety of an entire college was to prove too much for our poor Sheila, and she eventually quit her post, following a "prolonged period of stress-induced sick leave" - and no wonder, with all that oxygen lying around...

vvvv THE TANGHALL SCALLIES have struck once again, this time reeking havoc at what was undoubtedly shaping up to be the social event of the year… the water-spectacular Halifax Summer Boat Cruise.

A dastardly crew of Nike-clad raiders launched a full-on mud assault of one of the open-deck boats from the edge of the riverbank, scrambling back onto their BMXs each time the magnificent vessel chugged out of range. "It was like a cross between Apocalypse Now and Mad Max," revealed one terrified reveller, "they tracked us for nearly 20 minutes."

We can only pray the scrawny wags have found a more profitable way to spend their evenings by the time our next Cruise swings around.

Fathering children perhaps.

vvvv AND WHILE we're on the subject

The James Revolutionary Front (JRF) 2001-2003 RIP “Bitterness shall not wither them, nor Nouse condemn”

The Vision gossip team’s back from their hyh@vision.york.ac.uk edited by Jon Bentham

of York's favourite leper colony aren't the Halifax College t-shirts marvellous? HYH particularly enjoyed the huge plug for their website - 'www.halifaxcollege.com' - plastered over the back. All very well… except that isn't actually the address of the Halifax College website.

Distressing, I know, but fear not - we got straight on the blower to JCR Chair VERITY RADLEY to inform her of this monstrous oversight.

"Erm, thanks, we know," came the rather bemused reply.

Never say we don't care.

vvvv DEVOTEES of Vision News may well remember a story last term involving three 10-year old girls terrorising a group of York students living in Tanghall (aka The Siege of Pottery Lane).

The unfortunate lads were pelted with stones, kicked in the shins and spat at repeatedly during their ninemonth residency. The ordeal - during which an estimated 3 kilos of soil was lovingly squeezed through their letter box - culminated in a bucket of water being flung over one of the startled residents when he opened the door to let out a group of prospective tenants.

Well, incredibly, despite the rather obvious warning, the wide-eyed

Freshers surveying the house went ahead and signed anyway - only to try and pull out after they saw the article. Thankfully one of the former residents (having now retreated to safer climes) managed to talk the lads round. “Don’t worry about the girls,” he told them, “Vision exaggerate everything.” Suckers.

vvvv IT'S NICE to see Private Eye getting their claws into the bumptious hacks of this world. A recent piece by HISLOP and co. attacking a story in The Guardian begins… “'Trevor McDonald,’ it was pompously announced, ‘defied his editors by refusing to report the government's key defence of war in Iraq the infamous 45-minute claim’.”

But who was the "pompous" journo in question?

Step forward Vision editor ROB HARRIS - well done to you sir!

vvvv IT’S NOT just lecherous old Economics lecturers (see HYH 148) rubbing their hands at the prospect of Freshers' Week, some of the university porters are getting pretty excited too.

“Having all these Freshers everywhere,” confessed one randy chap to us, “is like a constant source of

COMMENT 13

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

“My most trusted source of information” George W Bush

EXCLUSIVE EXTRACTS SWIPED FROM THE RUC-SAC OF YOUR NEW SU PRESIDENT . . . tussle.

I’ve arranged a meeting for tomorrow with the college chairs. Veritable Radley will be there! She has magnificent auburn hair, and it’s long like girls’ hair should be. It’s probably time I fell in love with someone, after all I’m nearly 22.

Just my luck, I’ve got a big spot on my chin and it’s only 5 days till Freshers’ Week.

Friday October 3rd

Wednesday October 1st I am not inconsiderably incandescent with fury. I was spinning in my President’s Chair in the Union Office, planning mix-tapes for my first week as top boss, when I found a note from my old political adversary Oily Palmer.

“Mole, you are a turd,” it said, “I hope your first UGM is narrowly inquorate.” There is only one word to describe Palmer and that is BASTARD. In fact, I have got out my old Bastard Book (which I thought I would never have to use again) and I have

written his name in enormous letters with my special Belle & Sebastian pen.

I had hoped for a more graceful start to my year in Office. Focus Christopher, focus.

Thursday October 2nd The new YSCA rep Mags Thatcher is back from holiday and has been ruthlessly cleaning the Office - including my desk. She nearly chucked away my B&S biro! I’m a bit scared of her, she could probably overpower me in a

Veritable was quite late for the meeting, so I stood by the window and kept watching for her. She came running over the bridge and her chest was wobbling. I felt a bit funny. I think this is it!

Had a few Carlings afterwards with Osbourne and talked about Mags.

He thinks she’s going to rule our Union with an Iron Fist - the YSCA-upstart! Then we drew a moustache on her photo in reception. Serves her right.

I’m the President and this is my kingdom. I can do exactly as I like.

The spot on my chin is getting bigger. I’m not getting enough vitamins.

Saturday October 4th am. An unfortunate incident this morning. I got into a bit of a state after realising my snazzy B&S pen was ‘missing presumed stolen’ and rang security.

They kindly sent round numero uno Ken Button and he picked it straight out of my pencil pot. I never use that pencil pot - I bet Mags put it in there.

Button left straight after. I’m sure he swore. I could report him for that. pm. I think Mags suspects my involvement in the moustache-drawing incident. Have been avoiding eye contact with her all day. She definitely moved my pen.

The spot may be a boil. Just my luck to have it where everyone can see it. I went over to the Welfare Desk to show Mange and explained

thing”. I don’t think my deputies fear me like they should.

Sunday October 5th Blimey, things are getting pretty frantic now - Freshers’ week is almost upon us! I’ve been playing Tigermilk full pelt in the office to get us all in the mood. Osbourne doesn’t like Belle & Seb - he tried swapping it for some Black Sabbath when he thought I wasn’t looking, so I said to him: “Mr Services Officer, pray, how are preparations going for our impending Freshers’ Bash?” He said the F-word very loudly then ran out the room. I hope he hasn’t forgotten!

Mum called by to wish me good luck for tomorrow. She squeezed the spot on my c h i n .

Good old mum.

about my lack of Vitamin C. She told me to “go and buy a bloody orange or some-

If you do one thing in Freshers’ Week, transfer to another uni.

If you can manage two, JOIN US . . . TheSketch_Alcuin@hotmail.com

JonBENTHAM Writer acts to show he is not a nutcase . . .

T

he door crashes open – it’s the editor. “Jon, we need a column and we need one sharpish,” he says, tripping over a computer cable, “something for the Freshers I reckon – a bit of worldly advice from a third year. 1,000 words you’ve got 28 minutes.”

“Thank you Mr Harris,” I reply, “that sounds perfectly reasonable.”

Out he runs and I’m left to slump back into my swivel chair alone with my thoughts and a blank computer screen.

Advice. Hmm. Eight minutes gone, I check the word count – still zero. I’m mulling it over, scratching my third-year’s chin when I start to wonder if I’ve actually acquired a single item of useful information over the past two years. 24 months of essay crises, beans on toast and cheap cider in plastic cups – have I really reached the home straight quite so soon?

(12 minutes gone – frantic Deputy Editor sticks her head in the room, swears loudly, disappears.)

I glance down at my notepad – the words WWHD are written neatly at the top of each page. What Would Harry Do? I say out loud. Harry Cole – the finest columnist ever to grace the pages of the Lewisham News Shopper. I reach for my Harry Cole scrapbook (I never leave the house without it) and see Harry’s wrinkly but whimsical face smiling back up at me. If Mr Cole

can’t inspire me to write something beautiful, I might as well give up now.

19th March ’03: “THE DAY I FINALLY REALISED I WAS OLD… ‘My wife and I are in our 70s but until last week did not consider ourselves old...’”

Nothing useful there – I flick through the next few pages.

10th April: THEIR DRESS SENSE MAKES NO SENSE (“This week HARRY COLE was shocked to be proved wrong about what he thought was a pair of vagrants…”)

13th May: THEY SHOULD ASK A REAL EXPERT (“This week, HARRY COLE relates how his offer of expert advice on the war in Iraq

“The exact manner by which my mother would prove her own sanity - if ever challenged — is a quandary I’m sure she’s pondered on numerous occasions”

was turned down by the media…‘I was only nine years old when the 1939-45 war broke out but I was always a keen student of all things military...’”)

22 minutes gone – and nothing remotely Freshers’ Week related.

I’m starting to lose all hope of inspiration when I spot a rather interesting story below one of Harry’s columns. ‘WOMAN ACTS TO SHOW SHE IS NOT A NUTCASE’.

Intriguing. South East London has its fair share of nutcases, but they rarely make it into the hallowed pages of the News Shopper.

(26 minutes gone – Harris stumbles back into the office to start work on the News Section.)

Heidi Degen, I quickly learn, a 53-year-old divorcee residing in (God help her) Lee, has been busy fighting off claims from neighbours that she’s an alcoholic hooker who “dances naked night after night and throws herself from her window”.

Heidi vehemently denies these claims, pointing to her fondness for bright clothes and her “red complexion inherited from her German father” as the reason she’s been unjustly accused.

(28 minutes gone – Printers are on the phone... “We’ve got five other newspapers ready to go... blablabla… you’re the only one we’re waiting for… blabla… send the last pages now or there’ll be no Vision… bla.”

“Yeah it’s all done, we’re literally

just sending the last pages now,” replies Harris, slamming the phone down - “That should shut ‘em up for a few minutes.”)

My own mother wears bright clothes. She, like Heidi, also has a rather rosy complexion. In fact, the exact manner by which she’d prove her own sanity - if ever challenged - is a quandary I’m sure she’s pondered on numerous occasions. But in all those years of fretting, I doubt she’s ever considered the option Miss Degen eventually plumped for.

(33 minutes gone – The phone’s going again. The general consensus is to let it ring.)

For Heidi decided that in order to silence her critics once and for all, in order to prove beyond all doubt that Heidi Degen is a normal, run of the mill, level headed citizen, she would… construct a 4ft-by-4ft placard listing her life’s qualifications and achievements, and mount it on her doorstep.

(35 minutes gone - Harris stumbles out the office, stumbles back in again. “Jon, you nearly finished that column?” “Yes thank you Robert, it’s

HEIDI DEGEN: Just your average run of the mill, rosy cheeked, bright clothes-loving, placardwielding cockney

coming along splendidly.”)

This has what exactly, to do with Freshers’ Week?

Allow me to explain. Amongst Heidi’s impressive tally of life victories (somewhere between ‘8 x O Levels – (Grammar – own choice)’ and ‘1 x CAR (Paid CASH ’03)’) rests the announcement that she has also obtained ‘1 x University degree’.

Does attending a university for three years – as Heidi clearly believes – automatically exclude you from the ranks of the unhinged?

A cursory glance round the Vision office would suggest not. Perhaps even the opposite.

(43 minutes gone – The printers have stopped trying to ring us. We all agree this is not a good sign.)

York University may indeed have a reputation for boasting more dullards per square inch than Milton Keynes, but it certainly isn’t a place for normal people. And therein – at long last – lies this column’s Buddha-like gem of truth.

For is that not the biggest worry for all of us when it’s time to start afresh with new friends and new surroundings? To fit in – to be normal. I know it was when I first unpacked my bags.

(48 minutes gone - “Jon it’s just you we’re waiting for – if we miss this slot we can’t print for a week.”

“Thank you Rob, will be with you in a jiffy.”)

So in summary, dear Freshers . .

1. Never look a Derwent goose in the eye.

2. Don’t expect Freshers’ Week to be anything more than seven days of mind-numbingly dull queuing interspersed with occasional bouts of alcohol induced vomiting.

3. Don’t worry about what everyone else thinks of you. If you manage to come across as a normal, level headed student at this university, then congratulations – you’re the only one.

(63 minutes gone – Harris emails page nine to the printers.

Harris passes out.)

14

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

VISION

FEATURES

7 pages of features, lifestyle and food & drink

MONDAY OCTOBER 6, 2003

Take 7 male and 7 female students, and pour into a trendy bar. Add 20-odd bottles of wine with a dash of beer, shake well, sit back and enjoy... As the national speed dating craze accelerates, Jonathan Bray and Louise Burns ask 14 adventurous singletons out on a date

Fast love

F

or those of you who haven't seen the right Sex and the City episodes (or are male), speed dating is the answer to the perennial dilemma facing today's high powered professionals: how to find time to meet people when you're juggling a work load to rival that of the Labour spin department.

We weren't sure that this really applied to York's students (except perhaps for the biochemists), but hey, the chance to play matchmaker and wear silly badges was too good to miss.

Having decided that Goodricke bar probably wouldn't give the event quite the atmosphere we'd

WOULD YOU???

A

s an added bonus, as well as asking everybody if they'd go out with each date, we thought it would be fun to ask (all anonymously, of course,) if they'd sleep with them.

And so, the award for The Most Shag-able Male goes to 'Mr Bob Anus', 19, of Bournemouth, and Most Bootylicious Female goes to 'Rachel', 19, from Leicester.

Bang on.

hoped for, we booked the rather funky Victor J's Art Bar in town. As an added bonus, we figured that the "art" on the walls would provide a talking point if anyone got really stuck.

Here comes the science bit: concentrate. Speed dating works on the assumption that after the first 5

I'VE NOTICED YOU AROUND...

I

n true reality-TV style, we also had a date ourselves with all the people to ask them how it was going (and try to chat them up, naturally).

The comments from the girls ranged from the guarded, "I'm not a first-date-shag kind of girl", to the blatant: "I may have a boyfriend but you're still allowed to shag me" - although that last one was a joke (I think).

Most of the women were disappointingly nice about their dates so far although one complained that "They're all like kids!".

Another confided "I'm dreading that one there" before downing another glass of wine.

Confession of the evening goes to 'Mary Poppins' for her little gem "I don't care about their

minutes chatting to someone, you've got a pretty good idea whether you'd date them or not. (Of course, if they're absolutely stunning you can probably decide on the spot.)

Basically, each woman spends five frantic minutes with each bloke, and after each mini-date they both secretly note down on their checklist whether they'd go out with them. At the end, once everybody's checklists have been collected in, we compare what they said about each other.

If both say yes - "Streetmate!".

It's a match and we let them know that they want each other. Ooooh indeed.

(By the way, on the night we asked everyone to give us a pseudonym to use for this article, so it's no use trying to track down Mr Bob Anus because he doesn't exist.

Please direct all fan mail to features@vision.york.ac.uk ) After an hour of preparatory drinking, it was badges on and time to put those chat-up lines to good use. Incidentally, the worst one recorded was "Your eyes are like spanners - they tighten my nuts". How romantic.

At the end of a chaotic, loved-up hour, we retreated to the back sofa to do the sums clutching a huge pile of everyone's feedback forms and another bottle of wine.

(This was a mistake.)

And so, barring a few drunken mistakes (sorry!), we finally managed to set up... ONE WHOLE COUPLE! Barely believing our own success, we shamelessly tailed them to Toffs but lost them in a darkened corner. Awww, ain't love grand?

We'll be donning our cupid costumes again this term for another night of turbo-charged dating. If you fancy a bit of fast lovin', email features@vision.york.ac.uk

personality so long as they look good on the eye".

Finally, just when we thought it was time to turn cupid professionally, one girl admitted, "No, I couldn't possibly meet someone speed dating".

Honestly, I don't know why we bother.

W

hen it came to the men, frankly, they weren't half as bitchy about their dates as we'd hoped.

In fact, they just weren't quite as open as you'd have expected after such vast quantities of alcohol.

Not to be deterred, I adjusted my cleavage and bought another bottle of wine...

Most of them felt that they wouldn't be a good catch, with one saying "I'm too rude, drunk, antisocial and miserable".

I FIND YOU VERY ATTRACTIVE It may be a clichĂŠ, but being Tall Dark and handsome still came top when we asked all the girls what 3 things mattered most in a man. (And guys, when it comes to size, er, it does matter.)

Being rich was quite popular, too. Whatever happened to personality? I'm going off now to cry...

1 Dark 2 Eyes 3 Tall 4 Money 5 'Big build' And a few that wouldn't get you into a boy band...

"Mr Darcy Factor" (What?)

"Not rough as dog" "Really hairy" (No comment) Once under the influence of pressure and alcohol, it seemed that the men reverted to type quicker than you can say "blonde, bubbly dominatrix". Ahem.

Maybe they were living up to a stereotype and inside they're actually looking for more than Christina Aguilera. Let's hope so...

In order of preference, the things that men most look for in their dates: 1 Blonde 2 Bubbly 3 Funny 4 'Dominatrix' 5 Long hair And some that were, er, a little more of an acquired taste...

"A 40 year old in the body of an 18 year old" "Someone who likes me" (Poor chap) "Not too loud and lets me talk"

UM....

These are the comments we weren't going to print. Then we thought, let's have another bottle of wine. After that, everything seemed easier.

So, from the deepest archives of the Date Master...

"It felt like I was with my Aunt" "Needs to learn about hair" "'Interesting' opinions on Goodricke C-Block" "Oh fuck it. Why be negative all the time?"

"He made me wish I was a lesbian" "Gosh, Physicists are a funny lot, aren't they?"

Despite everything, at least we know that the bar-men had a good time. . .

16 FEATURES

FRESHERSSPECIAL

The

L A I C I F OF

Everything you need to know about your new home but your Student’s Union is too scared to tell you . .

TOP 10 ADMIN – they’re a shadowy bunch - here’s the inside scoop on who’s really pulling the strings ANDY MACDONALD Director of Facilities Management The most feared man at York.

The Vice-Chancellor may be the one who gets the nice on-campus cottage and obligatory knighthood upon retirement, but it’s Macdonald who rules the roost at this uni. From accommodation to services to [ents], the buck stops at him. And more importantly, it’s Macdonald overseeing construction of the new campus. A brief power struggle with former VC Sir Ron Cooke during initial Heslington East proposals saw the DFM come out on top – and it’s been that way ever since.

KEN BATTEN Head of Security Came to the fore during the infamous Hes Hall protest of 2002.

‘Mountbatten’ (as his colleagues love to call him) is the man responsible for your safety at York. The former military policeman, incidentally, also bears a striking resemblance to Sven Goran Erikson.

MARK EVANS Halifax Provost / Head of Politics When not running the biggest college at York and one of the most successful departments in Britain, Evans can be found dodging alQaeda grenades in Afghanistan.

Busy man.

HILARY LAYTON University Press Officer There’s only one thing she hates more than bloody student journalists, and that’s people who call the new campus, ‘Campus 3’ instead of ‘Heslington East’. Get it right!

DAVID MAUGHAN Accommodation Officer He’s the man to bribe if you want some campus accommodation for next year. And that’s the only way you’ll be getting any, either.

SUE HARDMAN Academic Registrar One of the friendlier members of Admin, Hardman has the final say on student welfare. Should

FEATURES 17

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

you get yourself into some trouble, she’s also the person who decides whether or not you get the boot.

Vision guide to York TOP 5

MYTHS HENDRIX IN YORK Rumour has it that legendary guitarist Jimmi Hendrix once played a gig to a sell-out crowd in Langwith dining room. Vision wasn’t around in those days to report on it, but he does get a small mention in the Nouse archive. They worry about the effects of psychedelic music on vulnerable students, and gripe that the event wasn’t organised through proper Union channels. There isn’t even a review of the man who must be the most famous visitor to campus of all time.

THE MONSTER CATFISH York’s infamous underwater predator - the Monster Catfish - was first snapped by an unwitting photographer over two years ago. Since then, Vision has reported on the beast’s lonely New Year party, its problem with impotence, and how it found love in the springtime. The catfish is capable of eating small mammals, including children, so steer well clear of the lake at dusk when it hunts for its prey. This one’s for real.

ALLAN WARREN Vanbrugh Provost / Former Head of History Another friendly face in Admin, Warren had a tough time of it last year dealing with several ‘controversies’ within his department, as well as drunken footballers vomiting all over Fairfax House (that brave, isolated outpost of Vanbrugh College…).

SUE JOHNSTON Facilities Manager Answers directly to Andy Mac. Was heavily involved in the construction of the recently completed Goodricke Amenities Building.

ELIZABETH HEAPS Head Librarian.

With the successful completion of the new humanities library, Heaps has every right to feel quite smug about life at the moment. Just don’t call her Liz – words can’t describe the fate in store for the poor soul who does that...

BRIAN CANTOR Vice-Chanc-ellor The figurehead of York University, the VC represents our uni nationwide. Since entering the job a year ago, Cantor’s been working hard to raise York’s international profile – spending much of this summer in the [US] and China.

He’s opted to stay out of the great ‘top-up fees’ debate – to the delight of the government and the disappointment of York’s students.

YORK’S 8

COLLEGES ALCUIN Branded a “hermit’s haven” full of “Thatcher’s Children” last year by the friendly JCR Chair of a rival college, Alcuin is in fact full of lots of lovely people, blessed with some of the finest en-suite accommodation in York and a rather plush wine bar. Get lost one day on the way to the library, and you might just get the chance to meet them.

DERWENT The richest college at York, and home of the most popular event on campus - the unashamedly tacky cheesefest known as Club D. Their all-consuming devotion to nightlife (and the ensuing hangovers) may go some way to explain their spectacular crapness at college sport.

GOODRICKE Notorious for housing some of the worst uni digs in Britain, Goodricke has in fact got the best college spirit of the lot, as well as (despite last year’s blip) a fear-

DUCK HUNT Every summer, during a lull in the conference trade and while students are away on their hols, the University supposedly organises a duck hunt to keep the campus waterfowl population in check.

One year, a would-be Elmer Fudd came a cropper when he was shot by a fellow sniper. Legend has it that his duck imitations can still be heard around the quieter corners of the lake.

OH POOL, WHERE ART THOU? Have you noticed the splendid concrete clock tower that stands over by the biology department and never tells the right time? It was built on money donated by a rich former graduate, after the University allegedly decided against using the cash to construct a swimming pool for students. Jocks take note while making the lonely journey down Heslington Road to the Barbican. It could all have been so different.

THE HAUNTED HOUSE ON THE HILL To some it’s an animal testing laboratory. To others, it’s a listening post for America’s echelon network.

Another theory doing the rounds is that it was built during the Second World War and designed to look like York Minster, distracting German bombers from the city’s prized cathedral. Whatever the truth, it’s clearly no normal university operation.

Freshers: we want to hear about your first views of York

Send them to vision@york.ac.uk

some reputation on the sports field - all no doubt due to an understandable reluctance for students to stay locked inside their crumbling rooms.

HALIFAX Aka The Leper Colony. York’s biggest college is based somewhere between the sports centre and Heslington Village – no one quite knows for sure.

JJ’s bar is rather swanky, and Halifax students are also supposedly the randiest on campus, so there’s no reason not to visit at least once during your three years here. The college launched a vociferous campaign last year for the construction of a monorail to save residents the five-minute walk to campus. The £17m price tag may have had a little to do with them eventually reverting to Campaign Plan B… “Stanner Stairlifts for every house in Halifax.”

JAMES Full of ex-public school pashmina-wearing Oxbridge rejects who prance around their ‘palace’ holding dinner parties for each other. Or so their detractors claim. In truth, they’re all friendly folk, just like you and me.

Look out for the exciting quad dash in the summer and they’ve also got some of the best accommodation at York, but no bar - much to the delight of the rest of campus.

LANGWITH Everyone loves Langwith – it’s like your slightly dorky little brother. With their consistently mediocre results

TOFFS Supposedly the classiest of York's nightclubs and without a doubt the most popular, Toffs fea-

WENTWORTH (GRADUATE COLLEGE) Wenty – it’s all a bit of a mystery to us undergraduates… Bearded folk live there, that’s all we know for

PUBS

CLUBS

ZIGGY'S A charming converted house plays hosts to York's most eccentric club. It's mostly cheese (although there is a fantastically scar y goth night too) but with vomit invariably in the corner of the dancefloor and sweat dripping off the ceiling, probably only best to brave it when you're absolutely bonced.

VANBRUGH At the heart of campus, Vanbrugh college is the home to a rather delightful bar that vaguely resembles an airport lounge. Here can usually be found the campus hacks and dahlings of campus, due to its close proximity to Grimston House (the Fleet Street of York Uni) and a little shed, known fondly as the Drama Barn.

There’s also that brave isolated outpost of Vanbrugh – Fairfax House. However, it’s even further away than Halifax, and so not really worth mentioning.

TOP 5

TOP 5

GALLERY With a surprisingly good downstairs room playing Motown, hip-hop and indie at various points in the week and a large upstairs, Gallery is surprisingly not bollocks.

As the nearest club to campus, with the #4 bus stopping outside, it remains the best club in York.

on the sports field and their corridors recently redecorated to resemble an old people’s home, you can’t help but smile. It’s home to one of the most successful departments at the university – English – and also hosts the yearly Battle of the Bands.

tures a white piano among its furniture, but attempt to play it and you'll be slung out by friendly bouncers.

Relentless cheese rules supreme all week, mixed in with the occasional dose of fighting.

IKON & DIVA A bit like David Beckham, Ikon/Diva is over-priced, huge and not actually very good.

It takes ages to get to on rickety decomissioned red double-decker buses, and once you're there it's about as exciting as Goldenballs' autobiography. Avoid.

WHAT? You want FIVE clubs in a Top 5? Well then sod off to Majestiks in Leeds. Just across the road from the station, it's just as shit as any of the clubs in York, but go on a Saturday night to watch Leeds United footballers getting lairy.

Nice.

KINGS ARMS Sup a cheap pint of ale by the river – great in the summer, though occasionally submerged by several feet of water during the rest of the year.

THE LOWTHER It’s open ‘till midnight. Possibly it’s only advantage.

HANSOM CAB Some of the cheapest drinks in York, and the décor is very Sherlock Holmes.

And one to avoid . . .

THE CHARLES (Heslington Village) Cheep, cheerful and – most crucially – the nearest pub to campus. (PICTURED)

LENDAL CELLARS More authentic ye old York surroundings.

YATES’ WINE LODGE Arsey bouncers (don’t mention the court case...), expensive drinks and middleaged locals in boob tubes. Need we say more?

18 FEATURES

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

WE WANT WHITELY! York University’s favourite quiz show is facing its darkest hour yet - there's only one man who can save it now . . .

chop.

Channel 4 bosses desperate to ditch programmes damaging to its trendy image with advertisers, have moved the daily quiz show from its sacred 4pm slot in an underhand attempt to shed viewers.

Even an appeal by MPs in the House of Commons wasn't enough to move it back. It's now just a matter of time before we’re living in a world without Countdown.

Please, pause now for one moment,

and imagine if you will what that world would be like.

No Whitely. No Vorderman. No Countdown Conundrum. No ‘one more consonant please Carol’. Just emptiness.

But it doesn't have to end like that.

Which is why we at Vision are launching an audacious bid to save campus’ most beloved programme.

Only a graduate of the University of Dork could possibly understand just how much Countdown means to us up here, so it's rather fortunate that there’s one former Yorkie who might just be able to help... BBC Director General Greg Dyke.

Unsurprisingly - what with the Hutton Inquiry going on and all - Greg’s been a little too busy to answer our calls this week, but we’re confident he’ll come running to the show’s rescue once he understands just how deep our feelings run.

There’s not a moment to lose now folks - stop your reading, sign and cut out the adjacent petition and post it pronto via internal mail to Countdown Appeal, York Vision, Grimston House, Vanbrugh College.

From there we’ll bombard BBC Television Centre with one united cry…

SAVE OUR COUNTDOWN!



CUT OUT AND POST VIA INTERNAL MAIL TO . . .

COUNTDOWN APPEAL, York Vision, Grimston House, Vanbrugh GREG DYKE, SAVE OUR DEAR I would like to add my support to Vision’s campaign to Countdown to the BBC. COUNTDOWN! bring Whether it’s the irrepressible



A

FTER 21 years of loyal service, Countdown - the afternoon quiz show adored by students across the country - is heading for the

WE’RE BEHIND YOU RICHARD: York students showing their support earlier this year for the bele aguered quiz-show host

good humour of wisecracking presenter Richard Whitely or the alluring sight of Miss Vorderman reaching for a vowel, few would doubt it has all the ingredients of a national treasure - it belongs at the Beeb.

From one Yorkie to another, I implore you sir: SAVE OUR COUNTDOWN. YOURS,

DYKE: Our only hope . . .

Meet Jenny from D block URY have created York’s first ever radio soap opera . . . or have they?

Creator Lizzie Whitebread lets Vision in on a little secret.

Y

JENNY: Vanbrugh D block resident

OU MAY have seen the URY flyers scattered around campus advertising ‘The Block’ as a soap opera. You may even have already listened to it on the web or from your radio and heard the credits roll at the end.

But I’m afraid you have all been deceived. ‘The Block’ is in fact, not a soap, but a real-life drama documenting the trials and tribulations of life at York Uni.

I’m not entirely sure how it happened. Barry Whyte and myself had no intention to mislead anyone when we created the show.

Maybe the problems arose because people hadn’t heard of Vanbrugh D Block, where our six featured students live, or maybe they just couldn’t find it.

But then, how many people can find their way around Vanbrugh without getting lost?

I decided to make a visit to D Block to ask the students what they thought of their new-found notoriety. I was greeted by Gret, who told me that initially she’d had reservations about being involved in the show.

“When URY approached me and asked me if I’d like to be involved, I wasn’t sure,” she confessed, “having to wear microphones all the

time, the invasion of privacy, all the intrusion. But then I thought, come on Gret, show some Christian spirit. You never know, it might just help some people get through their first few days at Uni, knowing other people are going through the same things.”

And how well is she getting on with her flatmates? “We’re getting on very well. I was a little apprehensive at first, because Benj, Jenny, Munta and Zach are all out-going party types, and I’m really not. But it’s OK now.”

No such reservations seemed to be shared by Jenny, D Block’s resident posh kid, who seemed thrilled by the whole scenario.

“It’s just so amazing being involved in something like this you know. Who would’ve thought that little old me would be the subject of a drama series?

It’s just so fabulous! And of course we all get on like a house on fire.”

I asked Jenny if she thought there would be any shocks in store for listeners in the coming weeks.

“Well darling, your guess is as good as mine! I’m sure Munta will be causing a few raised eyebrows. She’s an exchange student, you know, and seems to have quite a way with the men. And Zachary is just outrageous, so I can’t wait to see what scrapes he gets himself

into. We’re going to have such a ball this term!”

Jenny’s sentiments were echoed by Benj, who told me that he was having “a properly wicked time” and Zach, who pronounced the experience to be “absolutely super.”

Unfortunately Munta was unavailable for comment, as she was in the shower for the duration of my visit.

Ethan, the only third year in the block, showed me to the door. I was interested to know how he was coping living with five exuberant freshers.

“Well, you know, it’s cool.

We’re all really different, but I guess maybe that’s like, why you radio people picked our block, ‘cause we’re interesting I suppose.

“It’s weird that people think it’s a soap opera though. Maybe it’s like, too crazy for people to get their heads round, man, maybe they’d like, prefer to escape reality for a while you know? But, yeah, it’s nice to have new guys around anyway, ‘cause I don’t really remember my

first year.”

So there they are. The conscientious one, the posh one, the one who thinks he’s Ali G, the theatrical one, the foreign one and the hippy one.

You’ll laugh with them, you’ll cry with them, you’ll party with them. Because that’s what being a student is all about.

Seems almost too good to be true, doesn’t it? lThe Block will be aired from Freshers’ Week on University Radio York 1350AM during the breakfast show. The series will continue throughout the term.

Extensive further info available online at . . . http:// ury.york.ac.uk/soap

MUNTA: Unavailable for comment

LIFESTYLE 19

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

LOUISE BURNS delves into the bizarre world of healthy eating and countless bottles of mineral water to create the hangover and detox guide for the most over indulged of students

They’re nice and sweet but not too much like real food to make you feel ill all over again.

If you’re not the trusting type though, then tomato or chicken noodle soup's always a safe bet.

Make sure you stay in bed, or on the sofa with a duvet and watch a good film. Although it’s best to check first that it has no exploding body parts, vomiting or vast quantities of alcohol.

As for the nice friend, well, it's always nice to have someone who won't laugh at you when you're feeling rough as a dog. Even if it is your own fault.

TOP DETOX OF THE

T

hroughout Freshers’ Week (and, for that matter, every other week of the term) there's always one cry that resounds from every student at one point or another, "Why did I drink so much?".

There are the regrets from whatever happened last night, the hangovers from hell which are almost always accompanied by promises that never again, under ANY circumstances, will you drink that much again.

Promises that are usually forgotten by later that night as everyone on your corridor heads out for another impromptu night on the town.

And as everyone's aware, heavy drinking every night for a week takes its toll on the healthiest of people.

Even though red wine might be good for your heart, and white wine could be good for your lungs and beer is high in iron, they're still healthy enough to be convincing.

But fear not! There are easy ways to help recover from the most deathlike hangovers and to detox your body in order to make those 9.15 lec-

tures possible.

That is, if you can actually be bothered to go to them.

So read on, and prepare for a highly alcoholic and indulgent

GETTING OVER THE KILLER HANGOVER Ingredients: Lots of water Panadol Coke Mini eggs A Bucket (just in case) A nice friend

term....

While this might seem like a

strange combination, they have been tried and tested for ultimate success (or as much success as you can hope for when you feel like you’re dying).

The golden rule of hangover recovery (whether of the headache or sicky variety) is plenty of water you'll be dehydrated from alcohol and this is one of the main reasons why you'll be feeling like hell.

If you're suffering from a small marching band practising in your head then panadol's probably your best bet. That and a dark room.

Just pray that the person in the room next door isn't into drum and bass at 8am.

However, if you're a sicky type then your list of essential ingredients is slightly longer.

If you're able to keep down liquids then coke (the proper stuff, none of this diet rubbish) will settle your stomach, give you a well needed sugar boost and liquid.

By the time you can face moving onto food and solids then mini eggs are always useful.

They are, I’ll admit, a slightly unusual recommendation for a nasty hangover, but trust me on this one.

TIPS FOR DETOXING:

Ingredients: Lots of fruit and veg.

Lots of water A body brush

Let's face facts. No matter how hard you try or how determined you are, it's pretty difficult to detox properly as a student- it's too expensive, too awkward and makes you seem like a bit of a loser.

However, there are ways to do it cheaply with minimal damage to your social life.

Again, water's vital for flushing all of those nasty alcohol induced toxins from your body.

If you really can't face countless glasses of water then fruit juice, especially orange and cranberry, are a good alternative.

If this doesn’t seem a worthy substitute for a glass of wine (I know it’s a tough choice), then you could try going all continental with a slice of lemon in hot water. Oooh la la indeed.

A body brush (a la Bridget Jones) helps to remove toxins too, as well as working to improve circulation and reduce cellulite.

You'll probably feel a bit stupid brushing your skin in the bathroom, but hopefully it'll lead to you having that lovely post-coital glow all the time. Unless of course, you're always post-coital anyway.

Fruit and vegetables are the healthier way to get vitamins, as opposed to the fruity flavoured tablets.

Those which are particularly good for repairing alcohol-sodden livers are of the sprouting variety, such as broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower.

And finally for the dullest option of all. If you really want to help your body recover then getting plenty of sleep is necessary.

While the preferred method is staying in bed all day, the odd early night is probably a good idea.

COMPETITION The new Autumn/ Winter collection at Miss Selfridge is sure to cause a storm! With 15% discount between 22nd September to 18th October 2003, there’s no excuse not to sample some of the freshest looks around.

To give you a taste of what you can expect to find in store as well as the opportunity to win £25 of vouchers to spend in Miss Selfridge read on!

Sports Hype Sexy quilted silks, voluminous soft outlines and plunging necklines give this luxury sports style a feminine quality. Masculine sports influences are merged with utility, but pieces remain glamorous and sleek.

The 80’s Clan A return to all things British but with a sexy rocker edge and posh punk feel. Casual streetwear meets 80’s glam in an unusual clash of colours, fabrics and styles.

Sexy Punk An edgy underground look of urban

punk, mixed with night-time glam.

Black denim makes a come back with frayed edges, cut outs and zip detailing, worn with deconstructed tees, biker jackets and pointy boots.

Boyfriend A sharp tailored look with an 80’s twist of mods and rockers. Styles borrowed from your boyfriend and given a girly edge; either belted, rolled up or tucked in, but always worn with plenty of attitude.

Sleek Sixties Clean modern silhouettes return this season with a swinging 60’s theme. This retro look is sharp and ultra hip with a futuristic edge.

High Octane High glamour fused with edgy 80’s styling creates this ultra sexy look.

Shiny lycra mixed with lace and patent leather gives form to a trashy, slightly dishevelled feel.

To be in with the chance to win £25 worth of vouchers simply

Half FULL Black Last season might have been a bright one, but now black is back. And with a vengeance.

With the current sixties trend just about everywhere, black is the only colour to be wearing. And if you just can’t face looking as though you’re perpetually going to a funeral, wear with some psychedelic accessories. Groovy baby.

Scarves and Gloves

This summer was fantastic. The sun shone, the birds sang and everything was beautiful.

But now it’s October and quite frankly, we’re ready for winter.

The only thing to do is wrap up warm, roast some chestnuts and wait for the snow to start falling.

Alcohol It’s Fresher’s week again. Hurray!

Maltesers Well, they are the lighter way to enjoy chocolate. What more do you want?

Half EMPTY Sex and the City series 17 million Girls, don’t get us wrong. We still love you. Really. It’s just that, recently, it’s been getting a bit too middle aged.

Samantha’s dress sense is just a bit too strange, as is Miranda’s scary baby, and Carrie’s whinging about never finding a man is beginning to get a little irritating. Just get a grip.

Geese, ducks or anything with feathers on campus If you’ve just started here, you might be aware of the overabundance of wild fowl on campus.

No matter how hard you try to ignore them, duck poop is still everywhere and gets on all your pairs of shoes.

And no matter how nice you are to them the geese always hiss in a particularly menacing way. Crispy duck anyone?

Alcohol It’s Fresher’s week. Argh. Pass the bucket.

answer the following question:

Which decade has inspired 3 of this year’s Autumn/ Winter Collections?

Email your answers to: competitions@vision.york.ac.uk

Half full and half empty columns Who cares what’s ‘in’ and what’s not. Can no-one make their own decisions anymore? Who compiles these lists anyway? Get a life. Losers.

SOME LOSER IN VISION

20

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

VISION

REVIEWS MONDAY OCTOBER 6, 2003

8 pages of arts, books, films, games and music

Live reviews THE BLACK KEYS Leicester Charlotte September 3rd 2003 .

As a two piece consisting of guitar and drums The Black Keys will inevitably draw comparisons with The White Stripes. However while such facile assessments are often unfounded on any musical level, The Black Keys do actually lurch into many of the blues-y territories already conquered by Jack and Meg. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, it's just not entirely refreshing.

Indeed the crowd here tonight also seem to lack any particular youthful exuberance, with most of them edging towards their mid-thirties and are as pissed as fuck which hardly bodes well for the rest of the gig. Nevertheless The Black Keys put on a fairly accomplished show - much of which is taken from their

BLACK REBEL MOTORCYCLE CLUB Kentish Town Forum .August 1st

recent album 'Thickfreakness' - echoing elements of both soulful lamenting and down and dirty blues trawls.

Where The Black Keys fall down however is within the lack of any quirkiness or charm in many of their songs - you take them at face value and that's it. Although they have some invigorating and exciting moments within their set, a lot of it could be accused of being a bit samey and fails to enter any unconquered territory.

For the time being The Black Keys can accurately be described as an entirely 'respectable' band. Whether 'respectable' is a synonym for 'boring' I'll leave it for you to decide.

ROB BELL

much of

Black Keys: not Vision’s Sam Walton and a mate

lowers up front shush the rest of us throughout, only to be rewarded with a quite spectacular display of tuneless warbling.

His band mates look-on nonplussed, possibly even enjoying his atrocious attempts.

The hatred between them on stage is tangible; God help anyone stuck on a tour bus for a few weeks with someone as self-obsessed as Conor Oberst.

As the moody front man whines on, you can't help but think of a raucous Ben Folds on “Rockin’ the Suburbs”, yelling the ironic line… “Y’all don't know what it's like - being male, middle-class and white.”

JON BENTHAM

POOR Mr Oberst, it can't be

BRIGHT EYES

London Shepherd’s Bush Empire (August 7th 2003) .

easy having an ego the size of a planet but the selfesteem of a rather ugly gnat.

Out he comes, scurrying onto the stage at the last possible moment after we've endured several interminable minutes of trumpet solo. He stares nervously at his feet like the new kid in the playground on his first day at school, and then starts mumbling into the ground.

However, what in the studio may sound like pure utterances of fragile beauty, here tonight unravel into a tedious whine of all-consuming self-pity.

“Love's just an ex - cuse - to - get hurt,” he kindly explains, barely audible above the chatter of a largely bored crowd.

His devoted core of fol-

The advent of intricate guitar

PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES Leicester Charlotte August 27th 2003 .

wranglings within the past three months propagated by messrs such as The Mars Volta and The Blood Brothers has also thrown another band into the media spotlight: Seattle's Pretty Girls Make Graves.

Playing tonight to showcase

the new material from their recently released album 'The New Romance', PGMG blast through their thirty minute set grabbing elements of both At The Drive-In's confusing grasp of time signatures and intensity, as well as the yearning message broadcast by emo bands such as Jimmy Eat World and Rival Schools.

However what gives the band the extra edge over many of their (American) contemporaries - certainly within a live context - is the magnetism of front woman Andrea Zollo, who writhes around the stage and exudes emotion that could captivate anyone. Think Karen O with a bit more grace.

Songs such as 'All Medicated Geniuses' and recent magnificent single 'This Is Our Emergency' show the band's talent at writing songs that have a distressing feel but are also immensely danceable - and it undoubtedly proves to be a winning formula tonight.

As the band leaves the stage everyone recognises that PGMG will definitely be a band to look out for - after all, with a combination of complicated but enchanting songs, and the dynamism of a charismatic lead singer, they can never go too far wrong.

ROB BELL

EXCLUSIVE VISION COMPETITION

T

he legendary Fabric and FabricLive series have seen Fabric regulars such as Craig Richards and James Lavelle join guests like John Peel and Tony Humphries in turning in some of the finest mix CDs on the market time and time again.

Forthcoming artists set to provide their own interpretation of the of the club’s forward-thinking approach to dance music include deep house DJ Michael Mayer, London broken beat innovators Bugz in the Attic and drum ‘n’ bass DJ J Majik.

Vision and Fabric Records are

offering two lucky winners incredible prizes: one reader can receive a year’s subscription to Fabric’s CD series PLUS their choice of either the Fabric or FabricLive back catalogue, whilst a runner up wins a year’s subscription.

Simply tell us your favourite kind of fabric (as in material), and why, in no more than 20 words! The two entries we like best will win first and second prizes.

Answers to competitions@ vision.york.ac.uk

It was the hottest day of the year so far and the sweat was collecting on the walls upstairs at the Forum.

Whilst the next door pub spilled patrons onto the pavement, the gig-goers inside were eagerly awaiting BRMC’s live return to the capital.

Needless to say, the San Franciscan trio’s brand of raw rock’n’roll is not music for hot weather, and as the band roll on stage 15 minutes late, the leather-jacketed front row are dripping.

But what a gig. Relying

In

mainly on material from their relentless new long-player, Take Them On, On Your Own, the San Franciscan trio open the set with their recent single Stop and roar through seven songs before uttering so much as a “thank you”.

And as the devotee crowd bounce to live favourite Love Burns, one thing appears painfully clear: BRMC have come a long way in 2 short years, but their star-bound trajectory is far from over yet.

PETE STENNING

TRUCKFEST Oxford, 20th-21st July .

deepest, darkest Oxfordshire, something is up. Bits of paper are stuck to trees in the pretty village of Steventon, directing people further into the arse-end of nowhere towards some sort of "Truck". It is only when hordes of cheery youths and a number of tents erected in a field hove into sight that it becomes apparent that containers and flatbeds are completely irrelevant. Maybe some sort of jamboree for boyscout mechanics is taking place.

In fact, the event in question was the disarmingly non-commercial Truck Festival. Lodged half-way between an indie-disco and a church fete, numerous small bands are lured to play in cow-sheds and marquees loaned by local beaver packs.

With this sort of rural charm abounding, little more is required to tempt the jaded urbanite out of its cave. However, just to seal the deal, there is also fine musical entertainment on offer. Despite the tinny echo of the barn that houses the second stage, Debasser provided one of the high points of Saturday afternoon, causing a distinct amount of nervous thingy-shaking with his lovely bass noises.

British Sea Power were also worth the twentyyard walk to the main stage, although their provision of abundant greenery and swinging on the rig was upstaged by glorious sunlight and boozy cheer.

Unfortunately they teamed up with middle-ranking crapmeisters Electric Soft Parade to end the evening as Brotherhood of Fish. The rest of the festival patrons seemed to enjoy the burbling though, even though York student and lemur impersonator Alan Grice was onstage. I went to bed in disgust.

The disgust had lifted by Sunday morning, with the prospect of a set from the admirable Canadian hip-hopper Buck 65. Aided by a single turntable, an mp3 player and a raconteuring talent second-tonone, he gave a performance that can only be described as barnstorming. Gruff rapping, scratching, suburban yarns and camp dancing make the man compellingly watchable. Tales of truck driving, incest, supernatural happenings and trailer-trash were spun over idiosyncratic instrumentals and beats. When they were over, I was compelled to leave having realised that a peak had been reached and that Meanwhile Back in Communist Russia had to be avoided. The departure was accompanied by a warm-fuzzy feeling derived from the knowledge that the church roof fund had been replenished and a good time had been had by all.

LAURA

MUSIC REVIEWS 23 SINGLES

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Pick of the latest albums JAYLIB

Champion Sound (out today) .

Champion Sound, as the dubstyle name suggests, is an L.A.-Detroit soundclash between underground heavyweights Madlib (also known as Quasimoto, Beat Conductor and Yesterday's New Quintet) and J Dilla, who's produced for Slum Village, De La Soul and Busta Rhymes. Each contributed half the productions, and, barring collaborations, such as with Talib Kweli, the tracks of each feature the other on vocals.

Mainstream hip-hop might not be noted for its subtlety - the likes of P. Diddy have always been happy to chuck a few bars of Diana Ross into a sampler and call it a tune - but Jaylib have more in common with what used to be called 'trip-hop',

except for complexity they beat DJ Shadow or Massive Attack hands down. Ideas are, perhaps, even more prolific than their combined spliff consumption (Madlib, for one, is known to be an every day man in both respects; at the moment he's working on about 50 projects).

Champion Sound is about as far away from the Anticon crew's experimental collegerap as it is from Mr. Diddy, though: despite drifting pretty way out in places, the productions would put none but the 'realest' nose out of joint, and while the rhymes are hardly Nelly-stupid, they're not self-consciously brainy.

Hip-hop album of the year?

ROBIN HOWELLS CONSIDERING the facts,

BUCK 65

Talkin’ Honky Blues (out now) .

Buck 65 is something unique in hip-hop. Not because he's Canadian, but because he brings a new level of passion, skill and poetry to a genre tainted by bitching about how many times you've been shot and how much you hate whores and homos.

No gang-banging or crack dealing for this boy, just hard-working shoeshine men and deaf violinists. There's something of the beat poet about his witty lyrics as he eulogizes gruffly on taking to the road, talking to the devil and perfect days when "the dogshit smell of

BELLE & SEBASTIAN Dear Catastrophe Waitress, out today .

Can you still be part of the counter-culture if you like wearing cardigans? While Marilyn Manson fans might well beg to differ, followers of Belle & Sebastian would probably reply with a resounding “Yes”.

The Scots are back with a new album and they're as defiantly twee as ever. Belle & Sebastian songs have always celebrated the downtrodden loners and losers of this world; bullied lesbian school children, one-legged waitresses their lives glow with infinitely more vibrancy and colour than the dour cast of jocks, managers and conformists that cause them so much strife. And for many fans that's half the appeal - underscoring all their work is the subversive message that it's OK not to be one of the Cool Kids. In fact, life's probably a lot more fun if you aren't.

Dear Catastrophe Waitress continues this thread - from the deliciously fragile vocals of Stuart Murdoch to the vague references to Holden Caulfield in 'Piazza, New York Catcher'.

The unashamed quirkiness of lyrics such as “I was choking on a cornflake / You said ‘Have some toast instead’” will continue to infuriate the average music fan, but are loved in the

Stellastarr* even that they're mundane

from the pimp/dealer/rapper viewpoint; they might as well just get the record company accountant on the next album, as I'm sure he's equally qualified to talk about getting pissed and looking at women's arses.

ROBIN HOWELLS HALLELUJAH, the most

STELLASTARR* Advance Music .

strawberries".

An old-skool evangelist, Buck has bought a little more of the instrumental onto this album, adding "guitars and stringed things" to his superior beats and turntables.

The atmospheric backing is evocative of wet leaves, the nights drawing in, and curiously enough of Paris, where the album was written. This is no cheery Amelie soundtrack though as the tone is even darker than his previous work.

Tracks like Centaur (about prodigious penis size) and I'm So Dope have made way for heartbreak, memories of Buck's father and outsider reveries. The humour is still there, with meditations about "what's wrong with the kids of today", along with a laudable love of cultural ephemera, odd jobs and the backwoods.

This is a gorgeous, lyrical album, mature and moody. As the man says, "A little pain is good for you."

LAURA DAWKINS CHINGY (fuck knows where

B&S fraternity and welcomed as further proof of their quaint sense of non-conformity.

Nowhere is this self-aware idiosyncrasy more evident than in the band's favourite ironic publicity photo - the entire gang laughing in the sunshine with an assortment of puppies on their laps.

Whether you're left with the urge to punch each and every one of their faces, or to grab your own pup and dive into the scene with them, very much depends on whether you get the joke.

After the more subdued offering of Storytelling, Dear Catastrophe Waitress sees the band return to their urgent, infectious best. ‘Step Into My Office, Baby’ could be a hidden track on Sergeant Pepper, while ‘If She Wants Me’ and ‘Wrapped Up In Books’ are as good as anything on their glorious debut album Tigermilk, if not better. Their eclectic sound is augmented by French horns, piccolos, electronic beats and even a cor anglais - it's the sound of a confident band in their creative prime, no longer troubled by commercial pressures.

The closing lines of 'Lord Anthony' sum up the mood nicely: "And without a notion of a care / You'll leave two fingers in the air to linger there." Being a loner's never felt so good.

JON BENTHAM

CHINGY Chingy 27th October .

he got the name) is the latest money-grabber trying to cash in the Dirty South phenomenon that's seen rappers like Nelly propelled to the hip-hop premiership. He certainly shares plaster-face’s liberal approach to spelling (check single Right Thurr for just one example), but whereas Nelly has the Neptunes beavering away in the engine room, Chingy's relying on wannabes the Trak Starz.

And indeed the production on his self-titled debut is a crude emulation of Chad and Pharrell's digital jiggyness, with a bit of Snoop-style West Coast bounce thrown in for good measure. But whereas the former - at their best - have a synthetic sound in the sense that their productions are graced with a futuristic sheen, the Track Starz just manage the aural equivalent of cheap plastic, and are noticeably amateurish to boot.

As for Chingy himself, he makes Nelly look like William Burroughs, so basic and predictable are his lyrics. It's not

27th October

pretentious asterisk in music is back - in the form of Stellastarr*'s new album, Advance Music.

Presumably the title is ironic, as the vast majority of the album appears to have been lifted straight from the mid-eighties world of sweaty rock anthems and the sleazy Menswear britpop of the last decade.

But credit where it’s due - the first 32 seconds of this album are extremely bearable, almost enjoyable in fact. But then a painful yelping sound cuts in which, for anyone who's ever seen Vic Reeves’ club singer impressions, is actually quite hilarious in a way that the lead singer possibly hadn't intended it to be.

Like a patchwork quilt of vaguely familiar but rather bland indie-rock songs, Advance Music meanders towards its conclusion.

Stellastarr* should, however, think themselves extremely lucky to have vocalists who pay such close attention to the old Tim Wheeler adage… if you can't sing, just shout.

JON BENTHAM

RADIOHEAD 2 + 2 = 5

Out today

…Here's Johnny! Radiohead finally re-embrace the kind of haunting punk-guitar melodies not seen since OK Computer. Thom Yorke's Orwellian paean to global politics twitches and pulsates beautifully with frightening anger. Just don’t ask them to add up.

BELLE AND SEBASTIAN

Step Into My Office, Baby Out today Hoorah! The mighty B&S are back with a roar, albeit a coy one. "I took down all she said… I even took down her little red dress" chirrups Mr Murdoch. Not since I watched 'Secretary' has work appeared so wonderfully seedy.

THE CORAL Bill McCai

Out 24/11/03

Guilty though they are of inflicting a hundred inferior scally-rock imitators on us, these hicks from the sticks certainly have a knack for a tune.

The most danceable ode to suicide I've heard in weeks- this is the vanguard of jittery scouse be-bop rock.

ERIN MCKEOWN

Born To Hum/Slung-Lo

Out today

Instantly loveable, the playfully skewed world of Erin McKeown will take residence in your head immediately, whilst its glorious joie de vivre will make you smile inanely at the most inappropriate moments.

MICHAEL FRANTI+SPEARHEAD Everyone Deserves Music Out 1/12/03

Indeed they do, but not this music.

Franti has authenticity in spades, but he is spearheading something altogether horrible. The people who deserve this are those who find the Lighthouse Family too anarchic or Des'ree too belligerent.

Stay away, everyone else.

THE WHITE STRIPES

The Hardest Button To Button O ut today

LFO

Sheath, out now .

I

f it feels like a long time since the last LFO album, that's because it is (about seven years, in fact). It's not that Mark Bell's been away - he's put his hardcore/melodic stamp on Bjork's Homogenic and Selmasongs and produced for Depeche Mode - but it's also hardly as if Sheath arrives a moment too soon. Quite distinct from the sunkwithout-a-trace boyband of the same name, a great deal of British electronic music has its roots in LFO, and they're often (quite plausibly) claimed as the most influential techno act this side of Detroit.

The first bit of good news is that 'Sheath' isn't just a pale rehash of classic material. Bell's style comes through as strongly as ever - and there are plenty of conscious references to the likes of 'We Are Back' - but the LFO sound has received a timely overhaul, and in part 'Sheath' is arguably a reflection of Bell's activities since 1996's 'Advance'.

LFO are best known for dancefloor-destroying speak-and-spell mash-ups like 'LFO' (or 'We Are Back') and on 'Sheath' it's the monstrous 'Freak' that is unmistakably of this pedigree. Along with the panelbeating techno of 'Snot', though, 'Freak' stands out from the remainder

of the album, which is distinctly more placid in nature. What's evoked elsewhere is the other side of early Warp Records, namely the home-listening synthesizer symphonies of releases like the 'Artificial Intelligence' compilations.

Naturally Bell has come on a lot since the days of LFO's debut, 'Frequencies' - characterised largely by effective but basic one-fingered keyboard lines - and thanks to his work with people like Bjork, his approach is informed to a certain extent by more traditional songwriting techniques. Thus opener 'Blown', for instance, is impossibly lush: the window-shattering sub-bass that used to be synonymous with LFO - they introduced the sine-wave low end that's featured on just about every Jungle record ever made - is forsaken for delicate bells and complex choral sounds.

Sleepy Chicken, with its double bass line, would even have a loungey jazz feel to it if the relentless futurism (a good thing) would let up for a moment.

If 'Sheath' has a fault it's that one thing that hasn't rubbed off on Mark Bell over the past seven years is the art of writing an album rather than pulling together a collection of tracks. But never mind that, just indulge in some of the deepest electronic music you'll hear this year.

I was having trouble buttoning up my smoking jacket this afternoon, and the task wasn't made any easier by the cacophony of stop-start insipidness emanating from my stereo.

This song made 'Elephant' a very average album indeed; as a piss-poor single, it only highlights The White Stripes' manifest mediocrity.

24 REVIEWS GAMES

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Genre busters

F

or the longest time, games have generally stayed close to their origins.

Super Mario 64 is a superb 3D platformer. The Quake series is an excellent example of first-person shooter.

Even Half-Life, which incorporated superb story-telling elements into a first-person shooter and in doing so expanded the genre, is still very much a first-person shooter.

These games didn't break the boundary of their genres; they pushed out the edges, reforming old, defined lines.

Similarly, developers also have borrowed ideas from one genre to grow or expand their own genre. For instance, NBA Street, borrowing

GTA is the perfect fusion of multiple genres without batting an eyelid

from Tony Hawk's Pro Skater, enhanced the sport by adding tricks and building blocks that weren’t traditional to basketball.

In the 16-bit and 32-bit generation, game genres were expanding, they were being fleshed out, and their continual enhancements and additions pushed both the technology of the time and previously established ideas.

The 32-bit console generation was a period in time when creators solidified their abilities to master 3D gameplay.

But with the emergence of nextgeneration consoles, however, along with the growth of PC game development, games have rapidly changed from single genre concepts to multiple genre games that only hint at their origins.

The biggest and best example are Rockstar North's Grand Theft Auto III, Ion Storm's Deus Ex and last year's Digital Illusion CE's Battlefield 1942.

GTA Vice City, a perfect fusion of genres

9/11: The game?

The World Trade Center - should it be the subject of a game?

A

s I flicked through the latest edition of Edge magazine this month, something caught my eye. It was screenshots from a game based on the events of September 11th.

Video games have long been held responsible for some of the violent acts carried out by people, most notably in the aftermath of the Columbine Massacre, but this latest development seriously asks the question of how far is too far?

The idea behind the 9/11 game is that you control people stuck in the towers after the planes have already collided and you have to find a way to escape.

In some cases, the only means of escape is to jump out of the window and plummet to your death like people actually had to do. Other times you'll just burn to death or die of smoke inhalation. Unbelievable

As genres continually merge to make increasingly compelling games,

GTAIII exemplifies the perfect fusion of multiple genres without so much as batting an eye. Drive around like a maniac and you'll find how well the vehicles feel, replete with consistent physics, damage models, and great variations between different cars.

In the car, you can pull off a drive by shooting, or you can get out and experience the action/adventure/ shooting part of the game.

GTA: Vice City adds the whole new twist of buying property, which helps it border on the strategy/sim genres.

And it's clearly an adventure, because it's story-driven, requires that you explore, and you have unlimited choices.

The fact is, the only reason we ever categorized this game as generic “action” is because it's so much bigger than any of the genres it encap-

isn't it?

Yet the developers don't see it that way, in fact, they see it as their own homage to what happened on that fateful day, and as an attempt to help people understand the horrific circumstances the people trapped in the towers found themselves in.

Still, does this justify a game that in many people's eyes will be considered sick, disrespectful, and, above all, a vindication of people's perceptions that the games industry is bad for young people?

Probably not. Sadly, I feel this case is a step too far.

What next? A strategy game where you play as Hitler deciding how best to kill people?

No, the line must be drawn.

There are countless games where the main objective is to steal or to kill, yet for the most part these are done in the realms of fantasy and the lines between gaming and reality are thick enough so that you can step away from your PlayStation2 or Xbox and get back into the real world.

Yes, there are games based on World War Two, the Vietnam War and more recently the Gulf War, but a game based on 9/11 is on a different level entirely.

If the game industry is ever to be seen on a similar level as the music and film industries, it needs to take a long, hard look at itself and stop a game based on September 11th ever being made.

ALEX RIMMER

Y

sulates it's really impossible to place. If we did, it would be an action/adventure/RPG/ racing game, and well, that just sounds bad. So-called "Open Design" games of this sort will be the norm in short time.

Deus Ex demonstrates Ion Storm's dissatisfaction with one-genre games perfectly.

Fusing role-playing elements into the first-person shooter category, Eidos' Texas-based developer created a mega-hit.

However, that's actually missing the point.

Deus Ex is a customizable, multifaceted game, enabling players to approach the game in nearly any way they want.

As players progress through it, the choices they make actually form their character, developing him into an action-heavy gunner, a shifty sniper, or a weapons specialist just to name a few.

Each decision spreads the game into more than just RPG-FPS territory, it brings the game into previously untread territory.

Deus Ex shows the power of imagination infused into a game, giving players more choice, so they can play it again and again in different ways.

So what for the future? Will games blend everything including the kitchen sink into the game design cauldron and produce a Scrabble sim with drive-by options?

Retro review: Doom

es, Wolfenstein 3D pioneered the first-person shooter genre, but Doom was actually a more important and interesting game.

Technically it was far more polished, and artistically it was ages ahead of its peers.

It also happened to be a hell of a lot more fun too.

Doom was a fundamentalist technophobe's worst nightmare, a pageant of blood, bullets, and screaming demons brought to raytraced life on the cathode screen.

Almost liquid in its quickness, it was as violent as Charles Manson and shot through with more Satanic imagery than a rack full of heavy metal albums. And it wasn't tonguein-cheek violence, either.

This was the real squeal: creepy, atmospheric, with a sense of impending dread that always seems to be just around the next corner or behind that door. There couldn't have been a better name for the game.

Doom had stairs, columns, balconies, all kinds of great architecture, and did a much better job than any game before it in creating the illusion of a free-flowing, 3D environment.

In the end though it's not Doom's technical achievements (all of which were quickly eclipsed by the 3D revolution ushered in by Quake) that are most memorable.

Doom's levels were downright sinister. They were big, and they were dangerous, and they packed a lot of variety into a very limited palette and almost barbarically-constrained architecture, but they were

A shot from the forthcoming Doom 3 never boring.

The monsters were a lot of fun too, and Doom's weapon set -- pistol, shotgun, chaingun, rocket launcher -- became the blueprint that every shooter that came after built upon: you still see the same kind of hierarchies in stuff like Halo today.

The graphics were, for the time, amazing too. If you look at screens of the game today, it's hard to understand what the big deal was. But at the time, Doom was a masterpiece.

Sure, other games may have had prettier graphics, more carefullyrendered, lovingly hand-drawn background, but those games didn't move like Doom did.

Doom was fast. Doom was the game to show off what your new 486

PC could do.

But perhaps more important is its impact on the history of the computer gaming industry.

Without Doom there would've been no first-person shooters, and without first-person shooters, this industry would be a lot smaller and a lot more backwards than it is today.

It's gamers who went out and bought all the expensive gaming systems and 3D card that helped fuel the tech boom of the late 90s, and by and large what those gamers wanted to play were the heirs of Doom: Quake, Half-Life, Unreal etc.

Doom -- it's not just a lock for the gaming Hall of Fame, it gets its own wing.

STEVEN KELLY

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Getting medieval

‘Y

ORK Rose's' production of The Canterbury Tales was much more like the Chaucer I know than the BBC's current romp through the text.

However this didn't mean that the audience was faced with a challenging night of dull middle-English.

Quite the opposite.

Even when sticking to the words Chaucer wrote 'York Rose' performed an amusingly bawdy interpretation.

The northern actors were suitably loud and crass and seemed to be enjoying putting across the farcical tales of The Miller, The Wife of Bath and The Reeve.

Despite his title of the 'Father of

Cathy Baldwin experiences Chaucer al-fresco

Chaucerian style we all jovially sung a medieval round.

The inclusion of touches like this made a text many people fear accessible to all ages.

The audience, quite predominantly tourists, were able to understand the text and even the younger members were entertained.

The setting of Clifford's Tower was perfect for the jaunt providing an authentic historical feel. The actors used their space well appearing from many of the hidden entrances concealed in the ruins.

The only drawback of the openair stage was the weather. We managed to avoid the threatening rain but on 4 performances audiences were not so lucky.

As it was a small venue the audience was seated at the edge of the stage which led to a feeling of being more involved in the action.

The actors were friendly often sitting in the audience and at one point I could even smell the Miller's not very authentic aftershave.

This feeling of closeness was enhanced during the interval as we were all given a free goblet of wine by the cast as they walked around and provided yet more entertainment.

This included ridiculing the American tourists by trying to sell them "genuine" Chaucerian artifacts such as that evening's programme signed by the 'Father of English Poetry' himself.

'York Rose' could only perform three out of Chaucer's 'Canterbury Tales' and plan to perform more at a later date. Given the popularity the BBC series has had this venture is sure to be a success.

The Canterbury Tales was a totally different night out at the theatre.

It provided a welcome break from the modern slick world being educational but at the same time verging on the absurd.

English Poetry', Chaucer's verse is saturated with ridiculous toilet humour. Quite fittingly the show was riddled with amusing incidents and similar remarks.

For the night Clifford's tower was full of lewd sexual references, bedroom scenes and even one or two bare bums.

No pantomime style performance like this would be complete without its sing-along and after the interval there it was.

The audience was asked to partake in a singing competition to find the loudest group. There was no S Club 7 though and in true

ARTS REVIEWS 25

WHAT’S ON

Local theatres

WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE

THEATRE ROYAL

PLAYHOUSE SQUARE, QUARRY HILL, LEEDS. BOX OFFICE: 0113 2137700

ST LEONARD’S PLACE, YORK BOX OFFICE: 658162 (Student concessions: £3.50)

The Madness of George III 19 September - 18 October 7.30pm Alan Bennett play about how to make a King appear fit for his throne.

Private Lives 18 October- 8 November 7.30pm Noel Coward’s decadent comedy of past love.

Tickets: £6.50 - £17

A View from the Bridge 22 October - 1 November 7.30pm Arthur Miller’s classic tragedy set in 1950s America.

Lear’s Daughters 10 - 11 October An urban fairytale with a futuristic twist. Performed in the studio.

Tickets: £8 - £9

YORK

Campus (Drama Barn) Week Two (Saturday) Free Show: Bounced Back Reloaded Showcase of student written pieces Week Three 48 Hour Musical: Guys and Dolls Week Four Pelleas and Melisanda Dir: Mark Edel-Hunt Early absurdism which is set in a dark castle by the sea.

Week Five A Doll’s House Dir: Claire Cody Ibsen returns to the Barn in his dark play about men and women.

Week Six The Rivals Dir: Matt Lambert & Matt Matravers

Restoration comedy about fake pretenses and relationships.

Week Seven Regeneration Dir: Claire Shucksmith An adaptation from the Pat Barker novel written by the director.

Week Eight Peter Pan Dir: Stef Harrop The darker version of what went on between Peter Pan and Tinkerbell.

Week Nine The Duchess of Malfi Dir: Michael Oakley Measure for Measure Dir: Richard Souray A double bill for the end of term.

Week Ten Arabian Nights

For further details on what’s on in the Drama Barn this term visit their website on: www.dramasoc.com

Young at Art

Girls on top

Y

recreation of Shakespeare's original Globe Theatre, the current Globe evokes the casual atmosphere of 16th and 17th century play-going.

Entering the auditorium, it was apparent that watching the audience was intended to be part of the spectacle.

Some audience members had seats in the balcony behind the stage, whilst groudlings below were looked down on from the gallery.

The actors were well aware of their audience, with Kathryn Hunter (Richard III) really hamming it up.

In pantomime style, we became the 'citizens' of Richard's England, collectively booing and hissing at appropriate moments during certain speeches.

Actors passed through the audience, treating the yard as an extension of the stage, and at one point plucking a somewhat embarrassed teenage girl from our midst,and making her stand on a stool in the centre of the yard, as a more suitable heir to the throne than the Prince of Wales (Laura Rogers).

An all female cast provided material for puns Shakespeare had perhaps not originally intended, and the tyranny and disorder present-

ou only need two things to get involved with art on campus: 1) to sign up to Active Arts Society at the Freshers' Fair, and 2) to buy a beret to wear around campus.

Ok - so I made one of these up, but you get the idea.

It's as simple as that.

Once signed up, you can come along to any of the weekly courses, or just drop in to use the three fully equipped studios: one each for painting, printmaking and ceramics.

One of the best things is that members can get in all the time - so if you want a bit of midnight monotype, the studio awaits. Everything, including materials, is free to members.

There really is a huge

D

uring the last year, audiences at the Drama Society's Drama Barn have been treated to the torment of Bent and Woman Alone, the wit of The Hypochondriac, and the thrills and spills of Bugsy Malone.

We were reassured by This is us, and slightly unsettled by 4.48 Psychosis and went Into The Woods in central hall.

range of stuff going on, so whether you're a humble scribbler or a wearing- formaldehydemerchant, there's bound to be something that interests you.

There are two main types of courses available.

Introductory classes are process-based demonstrations and workshops that focus on the development of practical skills - so if you fancy something a bit different, why not learn the rudiments of silkscreen, drypoint, or throwing ceramics on a wheel? (Insert your own Ghost joke here.)

The other type is Mini-

We even had the fortune to experience the writing of William Shakespeare during the summer term’s Shakespeare festival.

With all this going on there was still time to build links with the community in various new ventures.

With the dawn of the new term upon us the doors of the barn will open with a brand spanking new line up on offer, kicking off on Sat week 2 at 7:30pm with Bounced

RICHARD III

Globe Theatre, London 25 May - 27 September 2003

A courses, for if you're feeling a bit more adventurous. These are in-depth explorations of specific techniques and principles looking at both historic and contemporary examples of themes and ideas.

Additionally, the society runs exhibitions so that members can show off their latest creations to the whole world.

Well, the whole campus, anyway.

Right. I'm off to buy a beret.

JONATHAN BRAY Back Reloaded -a selection of student written pieces- with free entry for all.

Then over the weekend of week 3 a feat that makes even David Blaine's efforts look pitiful will take place, the musical Guys and Dolls will be performed with only 48 hours to cast and rehearse.

Give it a look in on the Sunday at 7:30pm to see what wonderful miracle has occurred.

Plays normally show at

ed in the play was summed up ironically in Richard's first speech: "Such as happens when men are ruled by women".

The female line-up provided a complete inversion of the first performances of Richard III, where the actors company would have been entirely male, and allowed the actresses to get their teeth into some really meaty roles, traditionally denied their sex by playwrights.

Kathryn Hughes in particular excelled as Richard III, creating black humour in otherwise tragic and bloody scenes.

In the difficult role of cripple and evil murderer of seemingly his entire family, whilst attempting to appear innocent until the end, Richard III is not an easy role to play, particularly when the actor is a woman.

But the tiny Hughes handled it with ease, and was lifted onto her fellow actors shoulders for an energetic curtain call.

Appearing at the beginning of Act 2 bedecked in full gold and ermine robes, she took full delight in claiming the coveted throne, making much ceremony of displaying the chair to the audience.

The Battle of Bosworth was played stylistically, pounding drums and rhythmic movements in slow motion interspersed with frantic running across the stage and shouts of attack.

Giant spears were brought on by the ghosts of Richard's victims, who stayed to watch their revenge on their murderer.

Finally, they stood in tableau, framing the dying king, and holding him as he writhed on the blade of the Earl of Richmond.

The performance deserved a standing ovation, but as I had already been standing for 3 1/2 hours, I decided to give my weary feet a rest!

At only £5 for a groundling ticket, this is the best value theatre you'll find in london.

ALISON NEIGHBOUR

26 REVIEWS FILMS THE HARD WORD

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

PPPP

Dir: Scott Roberts Guy Pearce, Rachel Griffiths, Robert Taylor, Joel Edgerton .103mins (18) Metrodome

‘D

O YOU like robbing banks?" the svelte prison counsellor asks Shane in that voice of hers. His eyes light up. "Off the record," he replies with genuine enthusiasm, "I f***ing love it."

The Hard Word is set in Australia, where people don't beat about the bush. And whether Shane and his brothers Mal ("the good one") and Dale ("the clever one") are ordering bruscetta with chips ("long straight ones, about so long") or relieving the wealthy of their hard-earned, they get straight down to it, "and no one ever gets hurt."

Not that is, until there's a woman involved.

Dale's wife Carol has promised to be faithful while he and the boys do a spot of time, but he smells a rat, who might just be their lawyer Frank. Which could be a problem, since Frank's supposed to be concentrating on reuniting the happy couple.

Dale's also concerned that the bent cops who usually look after him might not be playing it straight either. At least he can rely on Shane and Mal to back him up, so long as they're not accidentally poisoning each other with birthday treats.

This is definitely a funny one, with equal measures of strange and ha-ha. Writer/director Scott Roberts has come up with a constantly surprising blend of crime caper, psychological drama and off-beat comedy, packed with all manner of unexpected quirks and side-shows.

As well as a cautionary tale of the need for care when preparing blood sausage, we get the lowdown on exactly what the boys' mother used to get up to with her 'friend' in the family caravan, a bizarre use for a lava lamp and one of the weirdest chat-up lines to be screened this year.

Guy Pearce is perfectly cast as Dale, brooding darkly behind thick facial hair and dry one-liners. There's real heat to his pairing with Rachel Griffiths, whose unscrupulous, ambiguous Carol keeps us guessing right to the death and holds the piece together.

Roberts' script is full of lovely touches and the underworld setting has a rough, stripped-down charm all of its own.

MATCHSTICK MEN

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Dir: Ridley Scott Nicolas Cage, Sam Rockwell, Alison Lohman 116mins (12a) Warner Brothers .

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atchstick Men is a refreshing change of direction for director Ridley Scott after the epic drama of Gladiator, Hannibal and Black Hawk Down, and he delivers an attractive, watchable movie that is unfortunately not quite as good as it could have been.

The plot revolves around Nicholas Cage who plays con man Roy (or "con artist", as he prefers), who is suffering from a breakdown made worse by his obsessive-compulsive disorder (O.C.D.). His shrink advises him to seek out his long lost teenage daughter to ease his mental pain, and when he finds her, she becomes his protégé.

The father-child element, which has been done many times, is actually one of the best handled areas of this film; Alison Lohman, who plays Cage's daughter Angela, is excellent and interacts with Cage very well.

Angela's thrill at discovering and doing her father’s job and Roy's ambiguous sense of pride at seeing his daughter commit crime is brilliantly shown by the actors and was complex enough to win me over from my initial cynicism about this rather clichéd plot device.

Matchstick Men's shortcomings are principally the way in which Roy's O.C.D. is portrayed and the cons themselves, which of course are the main entertainment here.

The O.C.D. is shown in detail, but it is never fully explained by the film why someone who suffers from an illness that includes tourettes-like facial tics, would make such an excellent con man, which is, of course, all about keeping a straight face. Also this condition seams to clear up remarkably as the film goes on.

Secondly, the cons themselves are fairly entertaining but again quite unbelievable. I was expecting a lot of clever confidence tricks to entertain me from this film but it didn't really deliver.

With a little bit more wit and invention this could have been a very good and very entertaining film, instead it is merely fairly good and fairly entertaining.

From Grandma, Nick Tanner’s up and coming short film

The first step family home.”

By August 2002, the cast & crew were in place and the script had been developed into a 30-page draft, but they still had no funding.

They turned to the Film Council and Screen South, who mediate in the charitable funding of British films.

“The Film Council fell over backwards to help us,” he says.

“They gave us contacts with film-makers at all levels and there was always someone at the other end of the phone.

“One key suggestion was reducing the project to a 15 minute version to improve story economy and to make the piece more festival friendly.”

Next came a period of frantic script editing, scouting for new locations and putting together a larger crew, (15 became 35), most of whom were approached through friends and other networking.

The cast assembled included Sophie Thompson (4 Weddings & A Funeral), Nicholas Farrell (Chariots of Fire), Gabrielle Hamilton (Casualty, Alan Partridge) and child actor Joshua Lee. All agreed to work for free, with the permission of their agencies and casting directors. Emmy award-winning cinematographer Stefan Lange (who worked on Aliens and Notting Hill) was also signed up and his skills were crucial in “moulding” the film.

Tanner is proud of having built such an experienced team for his first artistic short and he emphasises how hard it is to create a professional piece at such an early stage in

James Rose talks to emerging producer Nick Tanner about the struggles of a young British film-maker to get a foot in the door

W

HAT does it take to become a film industry player?

How might a Brit with the ambition to become the next Bob (or Harvey) Weinstein get a career going? Is such success even possible when based in this country?

First-time British producer Nick Tanner doesn't claim to have all the answers, but with his debut short film at the post-production stage, he's facing up to the challenge.

“The wider picture is that there are only one or two British production companies with any kind of profitmaking initiative who are looking to invest in new features or shorts, so you end up looking abroad,” he tells me.

“It's a vicious circle and the talent gets stifled. We did bloody well to get the support we had.”

Tanner worked with writer/ director Paul Tomalin, a friend with whom he'd made promotional and corporate films professionally since leaving University.

He began a film course at Uni but left to look for more hands-on experience. The pair's decision to produce a competitive short film, to “take a step into the industry”, came in summer 2001.

The idea they pursued was Grandma, a 15 minute long surreal black comedy whose plot he summarises with the log line: “A boy objects when his family seem quite happy to have his dead grandma haunt the

one's career.

In order to devote his days to the film, for instance, he had to work dead-end jobs to make ends meet.

He sees Grandma as a potential “calling card for Paul and I: a distinctive example of the kind of film we're intending to make; quintessentially British but also entertaining, with a satisfying story arc.”

He hopes it will be completed this autumn, and should help Tomalin and himself when pursuing jobs in the industry and developing their next feature (provisionally entitled Burning Times).

Grandma is aimed at the festival circuit, including London, Toronto and Sundance, and the duo are aiming to complete the project in time to enter it for the relevant BAFTA. Tanner's wider ambitions for Grandma include a terrestrial TV slot- Channel 4 would be especially prestigiousand a cinema run.

“The ultimate for any short film is theatrical release.

Then you've really cracked it.” However, he's aware that “finding a platform from which to develop a buzz for this kind of not-for-profit enterprise is difficult.”

Nonetheless, he's recognizes that “[the project has] served Paul and I well in terms of getting funding and being nurtured”, particularly in the context of the British scene.

“In the States the studios will support the process, especially if a big industry player sees the potential [of a

26 REVIEWS ARTS

YORK VISION Wednesday June 25, 2003

Friends reunited manipulative tv crew poised to exploit their weaknesses.

The problem is that what motivates people to get on telly and what drives people to visit the Friends Reunited website are very different things.

True, TV is so desperate for new formats that we long ago saw the amalgamation of Ready Steady Cook and Blind Date - as Martin informs the floor manager during a “commercial break”, his next show will be an incest based gameshow entitled ‘Keeping It Within The Family’.

But would a show built around the sleek professionalism of its presenter and reliant upon the excited gratitude of contestants really sit back and thank its lucky stars when a marriage breaks messily down before the cameras?

Such questions matter little when the breakdown in question is so eye-wateringly funny, and Gill Jephcott is particularly comic as the suffering wife who, having earlier had to 're-film' her grand entrance after we failed to applaud sufficiently, now undergoes the final humiliation of hearing her husband shag a stranger in the hospitality suite whilst wearing ill-fitting leopard print leggings.

Although Godber is clearly making some vital points about the damaging effects upon relationships of reality TV and Friends Reunited, ironically what tonight's middle aged audience enjoy is the game-show format and the theme of nostalgia (they also very much dig the

Isobel Todd meets some old friends at Reunion, the latest comedy from the Hull Truck Theatre Company

T

V audiences definitely have to work harder than play audiences. With the stage converted into a replica studio, our usual evening of quiet chinstroking is tonight foiled by the necessity of bellowing catchphrases (in which we are coached by a 'warm up' girl) and applauding approximately once a minute.

In John Godber's imaginary cable show, contestants are nominated by a friend or family member who supplies the production crew with the most intimate details of their lives.

They are then plucked from the audience and forced to enter into a series of scenarios in which they are reunited with characters from their past.

These may or may not be imposters, and must be correctly identified for the big cash prize.

This week's 'lucky' contestant is family man and novelist Jack.

Dressed up as a school-boy, he struggles gamefully through encounters with the cool bloke he envied, the fat bird he teased, and a prolonged disco session with the pret-

Festival’s frolics KASSANDRA Drama Barn Week 9 .

K

ASSANDRA tried hard to portray the suffering and personal anguish of those in the Vietnam War. This was made difficult with the added hurdle of iambic pentameter. However, director Owen Kingston and his cast rose admirably to the challenge.

It was certainly one of the most ambitious productions that the drama barn had seen in a long time, with

TROILUS & CRESSIDA

Drama Barn Week 8 HAKESPEARE'S tale of the Greeks and Trojans gave some of dramasoc's finest actors a chance to show of their skills, playing multiple roles and crossing sides in the conflict.

Simple staging meant the attention was focused on the actors, and on the giant wooden sticks they were carrying!

Although the acting was of a high standard, and the two opposing sides were marked out by blue and red stick-ends, the frequent role swapping did

S

actors hurling themselves onto the sandy floor as they shouted out instructions amid sounds of heavy artillery.

It was unfortunate that some members of the cast had not quite mastered their American accents, which, when coupled with the sounds of shellfire, made some speeches difficult to understand. However, this did not detract significantly enough to lessen the play’s effectiveness.

The fraught relationship between Kassandra (Ellie Cook) and Sergant York (Richard Souray) was symptomatic of the play: that love mean it became confusing to distinguish different characters at certain points.

Despite not being the bards most riveting work, some impressive stick fighting and a menacing battle scene kept the audience on the edge of their seats.

Moments of comedy were also picked out well, with Helena of Troy's (Anna Mayall) playful sex scene providing a little light relief from all the quarrelling and talk of war.

Troilus and Cressida is a difficult piece to perform, but the director handled it well, although reading up on a little Greek history beforehand is necessary to fully understand the complex plot.

MUCH ADO NOTHING

effective at the bloodthirsty and warped soldier, Clifford.

The underlying chill of death and rivalry that Lambert and Lancaster (Cahir McDaid) portrayed made this a production that exposed the true brutality of human nature.

LOUISE BURNS

ABOUT

Drama Barn .Week 6

M comes second to national pride, even if the soldiers are as ultimately flawed as ‘Uncle Sam’. This is not to say that there were no humourous scenes. These largely featured the stoned ‘Smoker’ (Lee Ravitz), In contrast, Matt Lambert was particular

ty girl he fancied.

In between, wife Stephanie is treated to a 'surprise' makeover, last week's contestant returns to tell us how Reunion changed her life, and immodest host Martin performs his regular 'Kill The Karaoke' slot (album available via mailorder).

It's a promising set up: a wife who places money and tv glamour above emotional sanctity, a husband so intrigued by the opportunity of revisiting his youth that he'll act out his mid life crisis to an audience of millions, and a callously

ichael Oakley's Much Ado was a sumptuous, consummate affair.

His directing was innovative, even ingenious, texturing the production with live music, dances, song and rope-tricks.

If it began as Oakley's show, then Ros Steele and Richard Souray as Beatrice and Benedick stole it.

They handled both the comic and the serious elements expertly, moving between slapstick and romance, subtly underlying the couple's jaunty banter with the sly darkness latent in Shakespeare's comedy.

They crackled and sparkled in their collision. Their love was tangible, their denial of it exasperating in the reality of its portrayal.

This Beatrice and Benedick had a relationship rooted in history, with tension, friction and an imaginable future. Steele and Souray excelled their cast mates and even their own previous stage successes.

Lucy Saywood and Chris Bennion had the tricky job of making full characters of Hero and Claudio, Shakespeare's 2-D duo. Saywood's Hero was a pretty princess, delightful, but at

times a little too sweet.

Bennion's lover was pleasingly sulky and brooding, adding edginess to their tainted love story.

Darkness is nesting from the outset of this play, but Oakley's show swung too markedly from fairy-tale to near tragedy and back again.

The effect was stabilised however by solid individual performances, notably Pranav Gondhia's.

ANNA MAYALL

ARTS REVIEWS 27

YORK VISION Wednesday June 25, 2003

WHAT’S ON Local theatres YORK OPERA HOUSE CLIFFORD STREET, YORK BOX OFFICE: 671818

York Comedy Festival 23-29 June Featuring the world’s funniest stand-up comics; Omad Djalili, Lee Mack, & Boothby Graffoe.

WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE

PLAYHOUSE SQUARE, QUARRY HILL, LEEDS. BOX OFFICE: 0113 2137700 Off Camera 27 June- 12 July7.30pm Jamacian romance, featuring arich mixture of British urban dialogue and Jamacian Patois.

Small Family Business 6 June - 12 July 7.30pm Alan Ayckbourn comedy about a

family trying to run a furniture firm.

YORK THEATRE ROYAL ST LEONARD’S PLACE, YORK BOX OFFICE: 658162 Neville’s Island 6-28 June 7.30pm Comedy about 3 middle-managers on a team-building exercise in the Lake District.

Beautiful Thing 6-28 June, Studio, 7.30pm A moving urban fairytale laced with humour.

Withering Looks 1-5 July 7.30pm A unique and hilarious insight into the lives and loves of the Bronte sisters.

York Early Music Festival

4-13 July

The Sixteen 4 July 7.30pm Central Nave, York Minster ‘Music for Contemplation and Consolation’

The Consort of Musicke 6 July 7pm Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall.

Music from ‘The Deep Abyss of Hell’.

Liber unUsualis 5 July 4pm All Saints Church, North St. Music of the 13th & 14th centuries.

Slide Soft, You Silver Floods 8 July 7.30pm Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall.

Songs and Lute solos from 17th century England.

Phantasm 6 July 2pm National Centre for Early Music, Walmgate 17th Century viol music.

These are just some of the events during the festival, for tickets and more information, call the box office on 01904 658338 or check out the website: www. ncem.co.uk

PHILADELPHIA Drama Barn Week 7.

B

rian Friel's Philadelphia here I come! has become a modern classic.

Dripping with Irish charm, the play chronicles Gar O'Donnel's doubts as he prepares to leave sleepy Ballybeg, which he loathes and loves in equal measures, for the bright lights of Philadelphia.

The economic situation in Ireland is not what is causing problems, but the inability of the characters to communicate. Gar's stifled relationship with his monosyllabic father is focused on, using two actors to represent two sides of Gar, a "public Gar" who interacts with the other characters, and a "private Gar", unseen, unheard, and unrestrained.

Private Gar is savage in his criticism of his father or "screwballs", who he wrongly believes does not care about his departure. Unspoken emotions

Chaucer Review

and misunderstandings are accentuated as the sheer energy of private Gar's passionate outbursts causes the other characters to seem positively comatose in comparison at times.

Both private and public Gar O'Donnel are excellently cast: private Gar (Simon Watt) is as cocky and droll, as public Gar (Gerard Kelly) is awkward and introverted. Cahir McDaid brings a vulnerability to Gar's father of a few words, and Imogen Hart also stood out as the long suffering, harassed Madge. John Wood's direction was clever, the lighting atmospheric and the use of the stage economical, although I felt there was an odd music choice in Tears for Fears "mad world".

Philadelphia here I come! is a play in which "Ballybeg" could be anywhere and the play could be set in any time, but the 'real Irish people’ certainly helped put the strong emotions in context. A brilliant production.

DAWN MORRISION

The Canterbury Tales - Clifford's Tower: 22nd May-29th York Rose Open Air Theatre Production

'Y

ork Rose's' production of 'The Canterbury Tales' was much more like the Chaucer I know than the BBC's current romp through the text.

However, this didn't mean that the audience was faced with a challenging night of dull middle-English. Quite the opposite.

Even when sticking to the words Chaucer wrote 'York Rose' performed an amusingly bawdy interpretation.

The northern actors were suitably loud and crass and seemed to be enjoying putting across the farcical tales of The Miller, The Wife of Bath and The Reeve.

Despite his title of the 'Father of English Poetry' Chaucer's verse is saturated with ridiculous toilet humour and quite fittingly the show was riddled with it.

For the night Clifford's tower was full of lewd sexual references, bedroom scenes and even one or two bare bums.

No pantomime style performance like this would be complete without its singalong and after the interval there it was.

The audience was asked to partake in a singing competition to find the loudest group.

There was no S Club 7 though and in true Chaucerian style we all jovially sung a medieval round.

The inclusion of touches like this made a text many people fear accessible to all ages. The audience, quite predominantly tourists, was able to understand the text and even the younger members of the audience - including a baby - were entertained.

The setting of Clifford's Tower was perfect providing an authentic historical feel and the actors used their space well appearing from many of the hidden entrances.

The only drawback of the open-air stage was the weather. We managed to avoid the threatening rain but on 4 performances they were not so lucky.

As it was a small venue the audience

was seated at the edge of the stage which led to a feeling of being more involved in the action.

The actors were friendly often sitting in the audience and at one point I could even smell the Miller's not very authentic aftershave.

This feeling of closeness was enhanced during the interval as we were all given a free goblet of wine by the cast as they walked around and provided yet more entertainment.

'The Canterbury Tales' was a totally different night out at the theatre. It provided a welcome break from the modern slick world being educational but at the same time verging on the absurd.

Only three of Chaucer's tales were performed in this production and the group have other interpretations planned for the future.

Beautiful stranger D

ear Miss Ellis, I'm sorry Stephen wasn't in school today, he was feeling a bit queer. Love Ste's dad". So runs the excuse note which 15 year old Jamie drafts for his boyfriend Ste, as they learn together to laugh off their problems.

Whilst irrepressible neighbour Leah has been expelled, Jamie scives because he'd rather bend it with Beckham than play football, and this has not gone unnoticed by his classmates.

Ste, meanwhile, is badly beaten by his equally prejudiced and drunken father.

But when Ste is taken in by Jamie's stressed but openhearted mother Sandra, the two boys find comfort and joy together, in a play whose combination of sparky wit and subtle tenderness comes, from the writer of Gimme Gimme, as a very pleasant surprise.

There's one rather tacky moment when the boys step out of Jamie's bedroom door straight into the flashing lights of a club. But, on the whole, director Marcus Romer uses the tiny Studio space to reflect the closeness of estate life, where dirty washing is quite literally hung out to dry in the street, and the set flips over from a two door portion of estate to form Jamie's bed.

People enter responding to overheard lines, the boys’ first tentative sexual encounter is interrupted by Sandra telling them that The Sound Of Music

is about to start, and word of Jamie and Ste's nocturnal activities quickly gets back to her. Scared of her reaction, Jamie protests, "how do you know it was a gay club?", and Sandra responds, " 'cos its got a bloody great pink neon arse outside of it".

Possessed of such inexorable logic, she is quick to adjust to this new state of affairs: Ste's a good lad and her son is happy, that's what counts.

With three teenagers around, the mood often shifts rapidly from communal joking to bitter accusation, but this is ultimately a play about discovering the beauty of intimacy between friends, family and lovers.

Magazines and body shop products are magical keys to a world of inclusion, understanding and blissful sensuality, and we finish with Jamie and Ste, Leah and Sandra waltzing in the street before heading off to see a male stripper.

But though wholly without cynicism, Beautiful Thing is hardly naïve. The bullying and name-calling to which gay kids are still subjected aren't ignored, it's just that these "issues" are swept away by rushes of affection.

Helped along by bursts of pop music and an exuberant cast who great our applause with a grinning ‘thumbs up’, this contemporary fairy tale is that rarest of things: a family based drama with a jubilant focus on the here and now, and a work of modern urbanity in

FILMS REVIEWS 27

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Spirited animation SPIRITED AWAY

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Dir: Hayao Miyazaki (Voices) Daveigh Chase, Suzanne Pleshette, Susan Egan, Jason Marsden .125mins (PG) Optimum

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icole Kidman was the big hit and Michael Moore was by far the most entertaining but finally the true star of the Oscars has arrived in England, and strangely it won 'Best Animated Feature'.

Animated picture that reaches new depths of filmmaking

Hayao Miyazaki's film went widely unnoticed after Oscar night. To be fair the competition was weak - comparing this with Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron is like comparing Tolstoy to Roger Red Hat. However, this is not just a wonderful 'Animated Feature' but also a very special piece of cinema.

Chihiro and her family get lost in a strange and magical world in Spirited Away

On their way to a new house Chihiro's family get lost in what appears to be a disused theme park.

The hungry parents stumble on a feast and from this moment the viewer is hurled into a very special cinematic bombardment.

Their greed turns them into pigs and not for the final time Chihiro's altruism saves her. As night falls she discovers the playground of Japan's Gods and Ghosts - a magical and frightening world in which she finds friends and enemies quickly.

It is almost impossible to sum up the rest of this complex movie but there are magical dragons, spiders, ghosts, a giant baby, a stink-god who looks like Jabba the Hutt and a strange leader who is a cross between Bette Midler and a dragqueen.

It is a weird and wonderful tale which is as funny as it is exhilarating. Above all it is an intelligent piece of filmmaking which explores humanity's greed, the perils of racism and the unnecessary patronising of children.

The only real plot comparison is Alice in Wonderland, and Spirited Away stands up well to its Western counterpart.

Whilst the story is stunning the true genius of this film is the animation.

For a generation used to the quest for realism in animation the images can appear strange, but the mixture of astonishing panoramas and shaky characters is something very special. It is rare to find anything this beautiful which appears so insouciant.

Yes, it is possible to pick holes in this film - it is too long, some of the Eastern imagery is no doubt lost on a Western audience and it is, at times, overly sentimental.

Playing a deadly tune G

UITARS and grenades, music and machine guns. Not really combinations that you'd usually expect together, but then, in cartel-dominated Mexico, nothing seems to be what you think it is.

With characters that change allegiance faster than you can say ‘banjo’ and a host of baddies that all look the same, this was a convoluted plot that found it difficult to express what it really wanted to say.

As the third film in The Mariachi Series, I was perhaps at a bit of a disadvantage having not seen the other two, Desperado and El Mariachi, although it proved that Once Upon a Time in Mexico had the ability to stand independent of its predecessors.

It follows the story of El Mariachi (Antonio Banderas), heartbroken and disillusioned after the murder of his wife and daughter. He is approached by corrupted CIA agent Sands (Johnny Depp) who wants him to help stop a planned assassination of the President.

Depp was excellent in his role and it was his input that really made the film.

Still on a high from Pirates of the Caribbean, his dry and derogatory sense of humour shone though in what would have otherwise been a dry and somewhat mindnumbing film.

ONCE UPON A TIME IN MEXICO PPP Dir: Robert Rodriguez Antonio Banderas, Johnny Depp, Salma Hayek, Willem Dafoe, Enrique Iglesias, Eva Mendes 97 mins (15) Columbia

The special effects were generally impressive, with some worthy stunts being performed by Salma Hayek and Banderas, involving climbing down buildings and jumping off exploding buses.

Again, however, there were moments when the shoot-out scenes looked very poorly made. It was almost as though Rodriguez got bored or ran out of budget when putting together the final scenes.

Banderas clearly relished the chance to play El Mariachi again. He was joined by the entertainingly daft sidekicks, Lorenzo (Enrique Iglesias) and Fideo (Marco Leonardi), who coped in a surprisingly competently way with their parts.

And their guitars. While their playing was admirable, it was what else they did with them that was literally show stopping.

Full of guns and guitars, but fails to strike the right chord

Ewan MacGregor and Tilda Swinton get intimate

YOUNG ADAM

I

t's difficult to recommend Young Adam.

Certainly, it's a classy, carefully shot piece of work from a director to watch (David MacKenzie).

In an atmosphere of brooding silence, significant pauses are left to communicate more than dialogue and I can't remember the last time I got to know every bump and fissure of characters' faces so well.

The cast all give restrained, convincing performances. However, the film's cold-eyed focus on the destruction unleashed by loveless desire is as bleak as a rainy day on a Glaswegian canal.

As the majority of the action takes place in and around the canal network of southern Scotland, where it can get a bit parky, this isn't what you might call light entertainment.

As a Scot, Ewan McGregor presumably has the necessary experience to cope with al fresco rumpy in chilly conditions.

This expertise is crucial to the role of drifter Joe, a sexual opportunist rather than predator who passes through the lives of four troubled women.

Sex - brief, joyless and usually outdoors - is all that he shares with them.

Perhaps the women, all vulnerable and needy in various ways, feel obligated to satisfy him, perhaps there is lust on their side as well.

In the repressive climate of the early 50s, it's not surprising that their true feelings are withdrawn.

McGregor has gone on record in Empire with the view that the sex scenes from Young Adam are "deeply personal and therefore deeply affecting to the audience".

He may be right: explicit scenes that include oral sex, something dangerously close to rape and yet another chance to see Ewan's manhood must have required great commitment from the actors.

The audience is bound to be affected, but to what end? Whether servicing his landlady, aggressively releasing his frustration on his girlfriend (Emily Mortimer) or coupling silently with the bargee (Tilda Swinton) or her sister, Joe communicates nothing but empty desire.

Young Adam is monotonous because Joe feels lifeless rather than merely enigmatic and I left the cinema tired and depressed.

I suspect that Alexander Trocci's source novel might be a more accessible experience, if equally dark. It was easy to get lost in the wide open spaces of MacKenzie's film without any commentary or, quite deliberately, any attempt at explanation.

The plot strand dealing with Joe's former relationship with girlfriend Cathie seems mismanaged too. It seems to be the cause of his abandonment of society's codes of behaviour, but we see little obvious change.

Easy to get lost in wide open spaces with no commentary or any attempt at explanation

Banderas gets out of a tight situation in one of the film’s more impressive shooting scenes.

PP ½

Dir: David MacKenzie Ewan McGregor, Tilda Swinton, Emily Mortimer, Peter Mullan 97 mins (18) Warner Brothers .

28 REVIEWS BOOKS

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Book was better infamous and debauched lifestyle it is easy to understand why. Byron's life was at least as sordid as any of today's soap storylines, and yet everything that he did is recorded in his poetry.

If you find reading people's diaries a bit of a thrill, then try My Soul is Dark on for size.

If you fancy something a bit more modern, then perhaps catch Hollywood jumping on the literary bandwagon with Nicole Kidman and her prosthetic nose in The Hours.

Despite leaving the cinema feeling depressed and possibly suicidal, it might also have left a craving to find out more about the woman who filled her pockets with rocks and drowned herself in a river one day.

Virginia Woolf is a fascinating read, and although lots of what she writes can only be described as completely bonkers, it's bonkers in a fascinating and mesmerizing way.

If you really can't stomach To The Lighthouse and beyond, then at least try Mrs Dalloway.

If nothing else, it'll make you understand The Hours better, which, incidentally, was an adaptation of the pulitzer prize winner -of the same title- by Michael Cunningham.

However, if realism or post-modernism just isn’t your thing then there’s no harm in returning to the old favourite The Lord of the Rings trilogy. You’ve no doubt seen the film, so why not try the original?

Admittedly it doesn’t feature Orlando Bloom or Liv Tyler, but it will have scenes that didn’t make it into the film.

Finally, if adult books in any shape or form fill you with fear, then why not just put your feet up, have a cup of tea and pick up Harry Potter. So what if it’s technically a child’s book?

It may not be intellectually challenging, but it does have the added bonus of quidditch.

So whether you want a long taxing read or simply a dalliance through some nineteenth-century poetry, try forgetting the tv exists. I dare you.

Louise Burns

looks at why it shouldn’t just be English students who delve into a book

I

t is a truth universally acknowledged that it is only those that choose to read English at University that actually read books.

And by books, I don't mean of the compulsory textbook variety, but instead the fictional kind, which should be read for pleasure.

There seems to be a bizarre mindset whereby if you stopped reading novels whilst trying to get through your English GCSE, then you'll never read books again.

Either that or you simply don't have time. Or you'd rather catch up with the latest bed-hopping in Corrie than delve into something that was written four hundred years ago. Which is fair enough.

Despite this though, television is teaming with costume dramas about authors and poets and adaptations of novels and other works of fiction that have been deemed worthy enough for the general public to be aware of.

The Canterbury Tales is one work that has been translated from the original Middle English into contemporary English, so even if you can't face the archaic language you are able to appreciate Chaucer's tales.

But to me these translations don't really fit comfortably into a twenty-first century setting. It's understandable that a twenty-something married to a creepy man old enough to be her father would want to run off and have an affair.

However, I remain dubious as to the legitimate use of a red-hot poker as a means of getting revenge. Especially when the person using said poker seems to have less intelligence than his hair gel.

Instead it's more satisfying to, wait for it, read a translation that has all of the salacious details. Just in English that you won't need a dictionary to understand.

The BBC again outdoes itself with its portrayal of Byron's life, when poets were the celebrities of society and people hung upon their every word.

And yet, when finding out about his

The dark side of Byron: his life and poetry come alive in the BBC drama about his life

On the Vision bookshelf this week

HY BRASIL

Margaret Elphinstone .Canongate (£9.99)

The unhappy daughter of a rich businessman and a domineering mother, Sibylla is deserted by her family and decides to live with only a knapsack and a briefcase (yet manages to be impeccably well-dressed and charming at all times).

But then one fateful night she seduces hapless businessman Jörgen Grundberg into paying for her room and dinner at the Grand Hotel.

The next morning he is found brutally murdered and Sibylla becomes the most wanted woman in Sweden as a crazy serial killer begins to bump off unsuspecting members of the populous in a similarly gruesome fashion.

As Missing is a crime novel I was not expecting a literary masterpiece, but this novel reeks of mediocrity and imaginative poverty.

The best crime novelists are able to innovate the formula of the crime genre, or write in such a provocative and suspenseful style that you can forgive them for all the stereotypes and formulaic plot twists. I would venture to say that there is not a single original line of prose in the entire novel.

The character of Sibylla is supposed to be an intriguing heroine for modern times, but comes across as some kind of Dickensian wastrel. She is brought up in a world of wealth and privilege, but is denied the chance of playing with the 'ordinary' children.

I suppose if read in an ironic way then 'Missing' could be a guilty pleasure, much like watching old episodes of 'Scooby Doo.' However, I was expecting much better from the "most exciting new crime writer in Scandinavia" (as Karin Alvtegen is now officially known). Take my advice and buy a Minette Walters novel instead. JAMES BALLANDS

L

urid red, decorated with sketches of sperm racing towards a question marked egg and a gun firing a comicstrip 'blank': first appearances indicated that Karel Van Loon's A Father's Affair would be less than subtle.

At times it was, but the novel's story of love and infidelity proved to be not only gripping but unusual.

Van Loon has written a whodunit with a detective as personally entangled as Marlowe or Poirot ever were, with the aim of discovering not a crime but a way

MISSING

Karin Alvtegen (Translated by Anna Paterson) .Canongate (£9.99) back to normality.

The plot is simple - Armin seeks the father of Bo, the boy he had believed to be his son. The twist in the tale is unsurprising but this is unimportant. It is Van Loon's depiction of Armin's journey to face his g i r l f r i e n d Monika's unfaithfulness that is notable.

He describes feelings of lust and betrayal convincingly in language that is intense and colourful, even in translation from its original Dutch.

Touching scenes recalled by Armin of his relationship with Monika, such as when they reveal to his parents that Monika is pregnant, are juxtaposed with scenes where he confronts her ex-lovers.

The discovery of Bo's biological father and Monika's curious life, reveal the certainty that infidelity hurts everyone involved and the uncertainty that we can never completely know anyone, even the ones we love.

Refreshingly, Van Loon refuses to give any black and white judgements on the protagonists, yet he also fails to construct any explanations for their actions, leaving them either sketchy or obvious.

There is Bo the developing, accepting teen; Ellen the tolerant, unprejudiced girlfriend who always knows when to talk and when not to; Dees the best friend who instinctively says what Armin needs to hear and understands what he is really thinking.

Even the gradual revelation of Monika's character throughout the novel reveals a nymphomaniac who's only motivation is lust.

Armin's frequent interjections of facts are usually irrelevant and make him sound as if he is the sort of man who would read from an encyclopedia before falling asleep.

Unrealistically, he is more annoyed by his girlfriend's betrayal than he is upset at the 'loss' of a son.

Perhaps I was expecting too much from A Father's Affair. It received glowing reviews on publication but it is not the tour de force I was lead to anticipate.

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Memoirs of a Crimson author N

BOOKS REVIEWS 29

BOOK OF THE WEEK

TWELVE

Nick McDonnell Atlantic Books (£6.99)

I

N HIS leather jacket a n d black t-shirt M i c h a e l Faber could have been just another oh-so-trendy audience member at his book reading.

He surveyed everyone as t h e y entered and was perhaps aware of his anonymity. But before he began his reading, the author sprang from his seat at an audience table to point out a picture of Martin Amis that had caught his eye.

This dramatic outburst was matched by an equally dramatic reading from his bestseller The Crimson Petal and the White. Faber capered through his selected passages with the accents he imagined for his characters and didn't stumble over a single word.

His lively performance illustrated the passion he feels towards his writing. Despite his success, Faber is still with the small Scottish publishing firm Canongate and seems refreshingly disinterested in too much monetary gain.

He admitted that The Crimson Petal and the White had been a labour of love taking him from the age of 19 to 43 to write. Originally composed on scraps of paper before he was given his first typewriter, Faber admitted that with his "small handwriting" the book didn't seem that long.

We won't, however, be waiting another 24 years for his next piece of work as Faber confided that he was not planning to write another novel.

CATHY BALDWIN meets Michael Faber, the reclusive author of one of the year’s best selling novels, The Crimson Petal and the White

This revelation will upset Faber's American audiences who are eager for a sequel to The Crimson Petal and the White - a move that could make his fortunes but one Faber said he wanted to avoid.

Instead of cashing in on the excitement surrounding his novel - as many authors do - the demand for his talent has made Faber determined not to write another novel set in the underworld of Victorian England.

Faber's lack of hunger for the media limelight is just one of many ways in which he differs from most authors. He sheepishly admitted that he disliked publicity

Karel Van Loon .Canongate (£9.99)

H

y

Brasil is an adventure story w i t h pirates, smuggling and treasure.

Political and personal mysteries are unravelled, a different and dangerous landscape is explored, and there’s a strong romantic undercurrent thrown in for good measure.

Sounds great. A bit of something for everyone.

Although actually, I didn't find the varied strands of the plot all that gripping.

A FATHER’S AFFAIR

generating signings like the one we were attending.

"I only do them because of a sense of guilt. For example, if the Germans pay a lot for the publishing rights to one of my novels I feel obliged to go there".

Faber would however rather pass his time in his home North of Inverness "walking and spending time with my wife". Very soon we won't be hearing from him as he plans to "disappear" for some time to do this.

If you are a Faber fan though there is no need to panic just yet.

There will be a collection of short stories including Vanilla Bright Like Eminen, the narrative of a father as he watches his family on a train journey.

Faber’s reading of this, complete with more accents - this time drawling Yanks - showed that it could not have been more different to his Victorian novel.

I asked Faber about the importance he placed on historical accuracy in his fiction and in his characteristic way he passionately emphasised how much time he put into it.

Like many pedantic academics, Faber would wake up in a cold sweat at night worrying about little facts in The Crimson Petal and the White - such as whether the Victorians had carpeted halls and would email professors in America to double check.

This kind of fanaticism is one of the reasons there are three versions of the novel and why footnotes for anachronisms such as "You wouldn't take a teddy bear away from a little girl, would you?" are there.

ick McDonnell is young.

Twelve is his first novel. He writes with a startling directness. His prose is as taut as the belt on a junky's arm. And, er...

Although I was tempted to write this whole review McDonnell-style, I felt that his superbly economical diction was far better suited to a drug-fuelled sweep through the lives of New York's wealthy teenagers.

Fortunately, his much-hyped Twelve is just that.

The story, or stories, track the intertwined fortunes of four teenage guys is the run-up to New Year's Eve. Central is the dealer White Mike, an inspired creation: two parts cynicism to one part emptiness. 'Twelve' is the hot new designer drug, the buzzword among his wealthy clientele.

As we follow White Mike et al through a series of decidedly cinematic vignettes of the world of the rich and fatuous, McDonnell constructs a sharp image of hyper-privileged modern youths.

McDonnell's sparse, composite style is well-chosen. Combined with the present-tense narration, it gives his text a slick, modern feel, even if at times it does read a little like a film script, Tarantino remaking Beverly Hills 90210. It's highly amusing in its anarchic, black comedy.

What I enjoyed most was the knowing pastiche of teenage stereotypes such as the Wiggas (wannabe "nigga"s) and the Prom Queens, who are both sketched with amusingly vitriolic - and accurate - satire.

Because McDonnell tries - and

succeeds - for an uber-contemporary realism, the odd detail sticks out like a lost septum: the students just walking into a shop and buying an uzi; the immensely rich highschooler selling her virginity for $500.

Yet his prose races along at such a cracking pace that you're likely to overlook these easy plot devices (for that's what they are), and enjoy the adrenaline.

There may not be any particular sense of fulfillment or meaning once you've reached the rather predictable set-piece ending, but I guarantee that you won't pause for breath until you do.

Ultimately, it will take another novel to see if McDonnell deserves the many comparisons with Bret Easton Ellis or Hemmingway - to see if he can combine his masterful narrative style with a decent plot.

If you have read Less Than Zero, then Twelve will seems less refreshingly original, but still retains its wonderful poise.

Like the eponymous drug, one dose of Twelve and you're hopelessly addicted.

JONATHAN BRAY

BLACKWELLS UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

Get yourself

SORTED

Sidony Redruth, the heroine, has been sent to the island of Hy Brasil to write the first guide book of the country.

She is very English: the daughter of a vicar, brought up in Oxfordshire, and reserved, except when with her friends and discussing the break up with her university tutor.

But perhaps this was a ploy to help make the other characters appear more foreign? With their unusual names, Ishmael, Columbo, Nesta, and their secretive, incestuous pasts they're supposed to be mysterious and alluring.

However, I found them all pretty normal and Sidony became an irritating stereotype.

Although events are continuously unfolding and the story is told from numerous viewpoints, I wasn't intrigued.

This may have been because I didn't connect with any of the characters, or because Elphinstone was trying to include too much in not enough depth.

However, towards the end of the novel I did begin to feel curious as to how it would conclude.

The plot was well constructed and just the right amount of clues were there for the reader to be able to put some together but be surprised by others.

The ending was perhaps a bit predictable, as it left nothing to the imagination. However, it meant that all loose ends were tied up and it was satisfying.

I didn't enjoy Hy Brasil as much as I had hoped. Perhaps others may find it more a more involving and pleasing read.

TORIA LYLE arely has a book title been so apt as that of crime novelist Karin Alvtegen's debut novel, Missing.

Missing is any semblance of an original idea or plot device. Missing is any attempt to innovate the crime novel genre. Missing is any attempt to form believable or complex characterisation.

If you haven't guessed already I was a tad bit disappointed with the book.

Alvtegen's novel follows the story of Sibylla, who has spent the last fifteen years of her life as an outcast from Swedish society, living homeless in Stockholm.

Blackwells has everything you need to kick-start your degree, from secondhand textbooks to the latest b e s t s e l l e r.

And if we haven’t got the book you need, w e ’ l l order it for free.

R

FIND US IN MARKET SQUARE (ABOVE COSTCUTTER) 01904 432 715 york@@@blackwell.co.uk

30 SPORT

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

Brass eyes successful season at

BY TOM PIKE NOT for the first time football has found itself worthy of front-page news.

R o m a n A b r a m ov i c h poured his i m m e n s e wealth into Chelsea, Beckham moved to Madrid, and qualification and hooliganism are under scrutiny as England prepare to take on the Turks.

With the spotlight so firmly focused upon such significant developments, we turn to a club in the darker corners of League Football.

York City has been the subject of hundreds of column inches in the last year.

Controversy and notoriety dogged the club through the dark days of last season as the club battled against the daily threat of extinction.

Financial rupture meant the Minstermen were placed in administration, unable to pay wages and losing key places such as keeper Alan Fettis and top scorer Peter Duffield.

The team struggled against adversity to achieve an admirable 10th position, and the Supporters Trust stepped in to save the club.

The summer months also proved eventful, as manager Terry Dolan was dismissed and Chris Brass was appointed

We want YOUR sport news, match reports & photos sport@vision.york.ac.uk or 3720 from campus phones

COUNTDOWN TO RUGBY WORLD CUP

READY TO RUCK

BY BEN WATFORD

FORGET football, it's a game for girls, and you can get rid of that excuse for a sport cricket — it’s Rugby World Cup time. On October 10 the biggest prize in rugby is up for grabs, and for some players it may be their last chance to take it.

BRASS: Tough job player-manager, becoming League Football's youngest manager at a mere 27 years old.

After a year of tumult and attention for the wrong reasons, York will hope for a season that brings stability to the club.

Under a young and inexperienced manager and following such a period of turmoil, cynics predicted a difficult and challenging season for York.

However a solid start to the season has dispelled some of the skepticism.

Brass made some excellent moves in the transfer market, signing the experienced former Barnsley Captain Mitch Ward, a new keeper in Mark Ovendale, and the talented forward Liam George.

With players such as Lee Nogan, Lee Bullock and Brass himself in the team, York can be confident to overcome the troubles of their recent past.

Brass may remain new to the job, but is respected at Bootham Crescent. While promotion may be out of the sights at the current time, with luck on their side York will hopefully be making headlines for the right reasons in the future.

Since turning professional in 1996 Rugby has been through a lot of changes, players are now bigger, quicker, stronger and simply better than their amateur predecessors.

Whilst this was evident in the 1999 tournament in Wales there was still an air of amateurism to the game.

Since then the global behemoths of Nike and Adidas have turned Rugby Union fully professional.

It may be a fact that Rugby players don't earn anything like the wages and sponsorship their dim-witted footballing counterparts do but you only have to watch the Adidas television adverts which put Johnny Wilkinson on a par with David Beckham to see that they are slowly catching up.

Because this year's tournament will have so much commercial and media interest (some estimate that this year around 4 billion people worldwide will be able to watch the matches) it can claim to be the first truly professional Rugby World Cup. But enough about money, who's going to win the damn thing?

The bookies are backing New Zealand (Ladbrokes put them at 6/5 fav) to take home the trophy.

As a team New Zealand have picked themselves up after a losing narrowly to England in Wellington and managed to put in more than convincing performances against South Africa and Australia.

With a wealth of experience already in the squad with players like Tan Umaga New Zealand have added youth. One of these newer All Blacks, Joe Rokocoko, is looking to replace Jonah Lomu (who'll miss the tourna-

England’s heroes head Down Under

ment with a recurrence of a kidney problem) on the wing.

The 20 year-old has only 7 caps under his belt but has already shown that whilst being big and quick his footwork is up there with the best.

The All Blacks' success, though, does rest largely on the performances of Carlos Spencer. Whilst the fly-half can score tries his kicking has been about as reliable as the late Oliver Reed's liver; one day its able to defy all the odds and put in an impressive display, the next it's fallen to pieces and there isn't a man alive who can fix it.

If Spencer can have a series of good Olly Reed days (especially against England where he never plays well) then he'll be the top points scorer in a World Cup winning side. I've got a feeling he won't.

The second favourites are England at 6-4. Our boys have beaten every

side worth beating (despite a narrow loss to France in Marseilles). It’s pointless to discuss players that most English fans know everything about, suffice to say they are very, very good.

If the hotheads keep their discipline and Wilkinson stays fit England will prove their number one ranking and win the trophy. The narrow defeat against France, because it was so triumphantly reversed in the return leg, has only served to take the pressure off the side who no longer carry that 'undefeated' tag going in to the tournament.

Outside bets are Australia (6/1) and France (10/1). Without their talisman Toutai Kefu George Gregan's men will need to play the tournament of their lives to re-claim the silverware.

France carry that victory over England in to the competition and Bernard Laporte's side are typically

French, going from the best in the world to about as good as a Welsh 'B' team all inside the full 80 minutes.

For the sake of political correctness (and to save me from some fat Gaelic idiot trying to 'argue' his nation's rugby prowess) here's the prediction for the home nations.

Wales and Scotland can expect a quarterfinal place, anything higher and we should see Jones or McDoogle dancing in the streets.

Ireland should settle for a quarterfinal spot at the very least; with Keith Wood back they could prove to be the surprise package of the tournament.

Despite all the current talk and analysis you have to feel that if England don't win this time round then they never will.

Come 22nd November England will beat New Zealand in a stadium packed with All Black-hating Aussies

YORK VISION Monday October 6, 2003

TURKISH FRIGHT

ON Saturday England face one of the most hotly anticipated games of recent times, with a formidable trip to Turkey in the final group game for Euro 2004.

Unfortunately most of the prematch focus has not been on how we can qualify with a tremendous result, but how our own fans could lead to our direct disqualification.

The massive security operation put in place by the Turkish authorities, including compulsory presentation of Turkish ID cards at the turnstiles, for the game should discourage most sane English supporters, but again it is the violent minority who could further tarnish the poor reputation of our supporters abroad.

The history between the two countries is well known, with the stabbing of two Leeds fans before their UEFA cup fixture with Galatasary in 2000 still fresh in the mind of many English supporters, and the mutual dislike between the two countries is currently reaching boiling point.

Comments from players, managers and administration have done little to diffuse the situation, with Turkey striker Hakan Sukur refusing to take part in a gesture for calm and England manager Sven Goran Eriksson making comments that caused much resentment in Turkey; saying "it's better not to travel because you can risk being injured, you can even risk your life".

The incendiary atmosphere surrounding the fixture only strengthens the resolve of hooligans to make the trip, but many genuine fans seem determined to travel too, despite the possible consequences for the team.

But is it fair to punish the team with such a severe penalty? The FA have done all they can to prevent fans travelling, and if violence does occur it will be down to a few people who have disregarded all sensible advice and logic.

COLLEGE BATTLE COMMENCES

BY GLENN CHAPMAN WHILST most of you think that you have arrived at university to drink gallons of god-knows-what during most evenings of the term, believe it or not there's fun to be had during the day time as well.

No, not bargain Hunt or Diagnosis Murder, but the brilliant opportunity to get involved with college sport.

The events provide the opportunity to compete for your college in a wide range of sports throughout the year. This is ideal for those who want to play at a competitive standard against other students.

The inter-college competition offers a wide variety of sports, ranging from the conventional team sports of football or netball, to lesser-played activities such as futsal. Even if you are just the slightest bit sporty, there will be, guaranteed, a sport that will suit you.

The one-day tournaments are extremely exciting to those both watching and playing and events include touch rugby, a swimming gala and a sports day in the summer term.

Whilst the standard can often get pretty competitive, college sport ultimately aims to achieve a friendly atmosphere and to provide an opportunity for as many people to get involved as possible.

So switch off the playstation and get in touch with your sports reps.

What better way is there to fight off that inevitable beer gut than playing sport with your mates and doing your bit for your

BY TOM ADAMS

Is it really fair to deny the management and players a chance to play, and win, a major tournament that could be the pinnacle of their careers?

Hooliganism is an abhorrent feature of the modern game and everyone is aware that England have a long history of violence at football, most recently ugly scenes marred the 1998 World Cup in France and the 2000 Euro Championships in Belgium and Holland, and hooliganism has been a residual vice of the domestic game for decades.

No doubt UEFA feel that such a strong penalty will help to curb violence in the future, and they can hardly be criticized for taking such a stand, but will this measure really change the mindset of those hooligans who look for trouble on a regular basis?

It is also noticeable that no such severe sanctions have been imposed on countries where racism is prevalent; players such as Ashley Cole and Emile Heskey have been subject to monkey chants and abuse in Slovakia and Macedonia, and racism and antiSemitism are problems across Eastern European grounds.

Although these are very different problems, it would be hard to argue that they are any less disgraceful and damaging to the game than violence between supporters.

The bottom line is that despite the FA trying their best, they cannot restrict the movements of so many people sufficiently enough to prevent

England and Turkey fans clash in 2000 every English fan travelling to the game.

Ultimately our fate in the competition could not be decided by a Wayne Rooney wonder goal, or a last minute Beckham free kick, but by a few Burberry attired thugs intent on causing trouble.

These are the people who should be punished, but if UEFA go through with their threat it will be the vast majority of people who will suffer.

Of course violence should be tackled at every opportunity but I doubt

VISION SPORT

CHEERING ON SVEN’S BOYS

whether this move will have a positive long-term effect on removing hooliganism from the game. It is the groups that orchestrate the violence that need to be targeted, and more preventative measures should be introduced.

The FA are working tirelessly on these issues, and the security concerns surrounding the Turkey game, and the expulsion of the national team will probably do little to break-down groups of hooligans, or stop crowd violence in the future.

We should all be looking forward to the game, and praying that the players produce the goods to help us qualify. Sadly it is inevitable that one eye will be firmly kept on the crowd to see whether the supporters play their part and behave, otherwise not even Becks and Roonaldo will be able to save us from missing Portugal

. . . from a pub in England

Voice in the crowd FOOTBALL is back and whilst it is a new season the headlines making the back pages seem to be more than a little familiar.

Arsenal are having players sent off, Spurs have sacked yet another manager and Chelsea are trying to buy everyone under the sun.

However, perhaps the least surprising story that we seem to be constantly reading is the one regarding the endless supply of bad refereeing decisions.

This has led to the almost annual call for action replays to be used during games to make important and complex decisions.

I would love to see a better standard of refereeing in this country. I also wish for cheats to be caught and punished.

However, I feel that the suggestion to introduce a third eye is not the solution to these problems and would not benefit football to the extent he claims.

The first problem with television is that it could not solve all of football’s contentious decisions.

Many times I have sat watching football with friends and find myself still disagreeing with the person sitting next to me over an incident even after the benefit of several replays.

Whilst our debate can run and run for the rest of the match a referee watching the incident in the stand would only have a few moments to make his decision.

As a fan I can accept to a degree a referee who sees it once on the pitch making a mistake. I would be less forgiving if his decision was made with the hindsight of television replays.

The next issue to consider is what incidents in a game could warrant the pausing of play for the opinion of television.

Those in the game that favour the introduction of this technology are

SIMON OSBORN LOOKS AT THE EFFECT OF VI DEO REPLAYS ON THE GAME OF FOOTBALL divided in how far it should go.

Some are in favour for it only being used to decide if a ball crossed the line, Franck Queudrue would have undoubtedly benefited from this against Everton, with others urging for it to be available to referees whenever they feel it is needed.

Should the latter be the case it would surely increase inconsistency amongst officials as some would naturally be more inclined to use it than others.

In many ways television already has an impact on what happens on the pitch.

Take for instance the Robert Pires dive against Portsmouth that won Arsenal a penalty. Whilst his piece of

Referees may benefit from video replays

cheating "earned" his side a point the repercussions will be felt for a lot longer than if Pires had simply been booked.

Home supporters will have a field day taunting and provoking Arsenals French star and undoubtedly referees will keep a much closer eye upon him.

It is even highly likely he will at some point be genuinely fouled but booked for diving, as his reputation will precede him into matches.

It is also worth considering that whilst the use of action replays could be introduced to the Premier League matches such facilities would not be available in all the lower leagues as the finances are just not there.

This would simply increase the gulf that is developing between footballs elite and the less fortunate clubs.

Is it right that supports of England's larger clubs get such luxuries whilst supporters of less glamorous clubs have to put up with poor decisions?

Whilst this article has considered some of the effects that introducing action replays into football would have it has barely touched the surface.

This is clearly a major talking point and one that is unlikely to be concluded in the near future even if it was in some form introduced to the game Those in favour of such a plan should however be warned. Getting all major decisions correct would leave us poor fans without a scapegoat for our teams bad results.

What else would we moan about if not the referee over a pint in the pub at the end of the game?

SPORT 31

Local sport for local

BY DAVE HENDERSON THIS week marks the beginning of many university careers, and, as such, brings with it that much pondered question. Just how much sport can I fit around my hectic drinking schedule?

If you can indeed be arsed to do anything else, York has much to offer, both in terms of playing and spectating.

York City Knights provide the Rugby League interest for the town, and in half-back Danny Brough they have a star in the making.

York City Football Club, although having less money than many of York's resident tramps, provide entertaining football for a decent price, and are currently riding high in the third division.

If you prefer watching Man Utd than Mansfield, Elland Road is only a 20-minute train journey away, where you can watch Leeds' demise week in, week out, and snigger as Roque Junior and Jason Wilcox fill the roles once reserved for Ferdinand and Kewell.

RACES: Popular event

York races provide an ideal opportunity to combine the three noblest of student activities, of sport, gambling and excessive drinking. The event in May is well worth a visit, even if you have little or no interest in horse racing at all, and is a great day out.

The AU also provides tickets for the three-day event, which is extremely popular among York stu-

KNIGHTS: League contenders dents.

If you prefer playing sport than watching, the Barbican sports centre is just a 10-minute walk from campus, and has two swimming pools, a gym, a sports hall, and all the usual facilities.

Sporting opportunities at the University are widespread, as a quick look around the AU mart will show you The highlight of the sporting year comes with our annual 'War of the Roses' with our Lancaster rivals, where York are going for an unprecedented fourth win in a row in 2004.

This fiercely contested tie provides the focus for the year, and victory for York across the Pennines next year would indeed be sweet.

ENGLAND EXPECTS Rugby and football teams face crunch cup clashes PAGES 30-31

SPLASHDOWN ABOUT bloody time too, after three months of having campus full of annoying conference guests who get the red carpet treatment, it’s good to have the university full of beer drinking students again, who want to play a bit of sport in between hangovers!

It will not take long to figure out where to end up after training, most clubs have some sort of routine. Either Ikon on a Monday, Toffs on a Tuesday, Gallery or the (in) famous Ziggy’s on a Wednesday.

Together with a few drinks on the way in the local Deramore Arms then cocktails in Henry J Beans and it’s obvious that social life is central to the success of our clubs.

The atmosphere within the AU and the Clubs has always been friendly, and in my time here in York it has been the side of my life that I have enjoyed most.

The highlight of the sporting year, Roses, sees us complete against Lancaster University on the first weekend of May. Last year the Lancastrians travelled here only to be sent packing back across the Pennines following a crushing home victory, to complete a hat trick of victories.

As satisfying as that weekend was, it was tradition for the home side to win, something we broke in 2002 with a narrow one point victory over in Lancaster. So this year sees the challenging task of winning

Croft could make waves as our sporting supremo

AFTER three previous years which have seen York take away the coveted Roses title, the n position of AU Chief now falls to Peter Croft. The Ex-President of the Canoe-Polo club will have the honour of leading the White Rose across the Penninesto attempt to secure what would be a previously unheralded run of four consecutive victories. Here Croft looks to the year ahead again on away soil, something which will require maximum involvement on the weekend and plenty of training.

After all, if we win this year, it will be the first time either university has won four in a row…oh, and this year is the 40th anniversary, so the celebrations will be huge!

The summer has seen some changes here in the AU, in the effort to take us forward and move with the times. For those of you who come via the office, you’ll find our new receptionist, Adele, who will be only too happy to help and deal with any enquires.

This year will also hopefully see some additions to the already successful ents

that we put on. In addition to the annual trip to York Races, and the hugely successful annual Awards Dinner, keep your eyes open for an event in Derwent later this term.

We now boast 55 clubs, with the addition of Polo last year, and the likelihood is that if you want to play sport, normal or extreme, you can do it here. Don’t get to the end of your time here and regret not making use of the facilities that York has to offer.

The Athletic Union is run for you, the students, and we will do our best to cater for all requirements, just come in and talk to us. Find us on the ground floor on the student union building.

The AU Mart is on Thursday Week 1 from

Croft in action for the Canoe-Polo club