Issue 178

DUNCAN-SMITH THE RAPTURE IAIN > FEATURES

AU THREW MATCHES

> SPORT

> MUSIC

THE SCENE

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P44 WWW.YORKVISION.CO.UK

ISSUE 178

NUS SMALL-BUDGET PUBLICATION OF THE YEAR

Tuesday March 13, 2007

TOP BOSS

£90K

EXPENSES WRITE OFF EXCLUSIVE

BY ADAM THORN Vice Chancellor Brian Cantor has blown £90,000 of university money on flights, hotels and car hire – in just three years.

The VC and his team of nine senior bosses have racked up a total of £150,000 in expenses since 2003, according to figures revealed to Vision. This year alone Cantor is planning foreign business trips to China, India and the United States.

It is the first time that the accounts have been broken down to show individual expenses claims for each of the top university administrators. The news comes as catering staff across campus

are threatening to resign due to poor pay deals and 10 weeks after 14 porters quit over contract disputes.

Responding to the revelations, the university said in a statement: “The Vice Chancellor’s expenses result mainly from the international missions he leads several times a year with teams of senior academic staff.”

But other leading industry figures have expressed outrage at the massive expenses claims, which make Cantor one of the most wasteful university bosses in the country.

FULL STORY PAGE 4-5

HOW HE SPENT OUR MONEY ON HIS LUXURY LIFE

2NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

your week NEWS AT A GLANCE GOODtoWEEK Vision speaks student

P2 protestors putting their necks on the line this Easter.

PROTESTORS GO TO SCOTLAND TO GET ARRESTED AT ANTI-NUCLEAR DEMONSTRATION

WE'RE GOING TO GET ARRESTED

>CAMPUS REBEL: IM NOT SCARED

Next year's "scandal-free"

P3 SU gets off to a good start at election night '07.

P4-5

VC Cantor's massive expenses claims - where is your money being spent?

News investigation into the

P6 most valuable departments blast from the past QUOTE OF THE WEEK style secret? " My Tight t-shirts make you look macho.

"

Before he was famous, Goodricke Chair Ben Wardle in an old copy of Vision from November '05. Bless.

GOOD WEEK bad week

BY RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH

GOOD WEEK

matt burton

The Goodfather won his place on next year's SU after beating rival Mickey Macefield to Services and Finance Officer...

bad WEEK matt burton ...and then publicly disgraced himself with his drunken acceptance speech.

<See Page 3

the number cruncher 149 18 4 1

Thousands of pounds spent in expenses by nine senior uni bosses in just 3 years.

References to The Guardian in last week's issue of Nouse.

Nouse journalists thrown out of election results event for bad behaviour.

Number of students from Wentworth College who voted in the YUSU elections.

A group of student protestors have announced their plans to “get arrested” in an anti-nuclear demonstration this Easter.

Members of campus society People and Planet will head to the Scottish nuclear submarine base at Faslane, to form part of the ongoing ‘Faslane 365’ blockade.

The blockade, which comes in light of the current debate on Trident missile renewal, was set up to establish a year-long protest at the base, preventing access to the compound’s two gates.

Since its creation, it has had varying amounts of success, with one protest closing the base for six days, but many others broken up by police

within hours.

According to one source, there have been a total of 473 arrests since the blockade began in October 2006.

Organiser Ric Lander said he was “not especially scared” at the prospect of spending a night in a police cell: “Almost everyone is released, but it is kind of empowering. I have never done anything like this before. There are some worries the police know we’re going.”

The protesters could be arrested and prosecuted for breach of the peace under Scottish common law.

However, society chair Kate Evans described the offence as “minor”, suggesting that troublemakers would merely receive a letter “telling them off ”.

People and Planet, which cam-

YORK VISION

paigns about global issues of poverty, human rights and the environment, will be raising money for the trip with a ‘Faslane 365 benefit party’, which intends to showcase local bands in week 10. The event will “help to pay for transport costs and food”.

Despite the fact that the protest party will mainly consist of society members, Lander was keen to point out that the protest was “unaffiliated”, suggesting that participants were “paying for a lot of it themselves.”

“Officially, this is not a People and Planet trip, nor is it associated with any other society. We are individuals going with other protesters from the city. We can’t use student money to fund it, as it is not educational.”

The protest comes after the society were finally successful in passing a motion to YUSU last week supporting the use of ethical merchandise across campus.

The success marks the end of a long campaign to stop colleges, clubs and societies buying clothing from companies linked with sweatshops in the developing world.

Lander described the current atmosphere in the society as “smug”, suggesting that the protesters would return to the base in the summer for another organised blockade, regardless of the success of their upcoming battle with police.

“Being an individual in a blockade is not much, but as a group we can really make a difference and send out a strong message.”

Tuesday March 13, 2007

Ben Matthews Laurie Allsopp Mark Griffin Katie Jacobs Managing Editor: Emily Walton Tobe Scalisbrick Head of IT: Nick Evans News Editors: Lucy Taylor Adam Thorn Deputy News: Lizzy Dale Anna Bevan Comment Editors: Sophie Wright Editor: Deputy Editors:

Richard Byrne-Smith Cartoonist: John Sharp Features Editor: Iain Withers Deputy Features: Claudia Stern Emma Barrow Lifestyle Editors: Charlotte Chung Carla Dobson Style Editor: Kat Boyd Deputy Style: Sarah Howe Food and Drink: Rob Gallagher Deputy Food: Sam Spencer Travel Editor: Beth Rudge

Deputy Travel: Sports Editor: Deputy Sports: Proof Readers:

Photo Editor: Deputy Photo: Social Sec:

Mike Edwards Darius Austin Lauren Cockbill Alex Richman Kate Mason Deborah Mason Veronique Ward Tom Hole Matthew Grum Charlotte Chung

Call us: 01904 433720

www.yorkvision.co.uk Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2006.

Vision is printed by York & County Press.

NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

ELECTIONS DESCEND INTO FARCE AFTER CANDIDATES GET DRUNK AND DISORDERLY

"HE PLAYED DIRTY..

R O O L F E H T ..I WIPED WITH HIM"

THE GOODFATHER IS BACK:

>BURTON SLAMS OPPONENT IN VICTORY SPEECH >HE'S CHUCKED OUT BY DOORSAFE

BY ADAM THORN Newly-elected Services and Finance officer Matt Burton launched a vicious attack on losing candidate Mickey Macefield in his acceptance speech at election night – telling his supporters that he “wiped the floor” with his opponent.

In a drunken rage Burton told a stunned crowd that Macefield had “played dirty” in his election campaign. He then taunted him saying, “I think he’s hiding – what a shame”.

Burton was soon chucked out of the event by campus security firm Doorsafe for his drunken behaviour. The former Goodricke chair has since apologised for his actions – telling Vision that he deeply regretted what he did.

Matt told us: “There were rea-

sons behind my behaviour - a lot of alcohol resulted in retaliation on stage. I should not have done it and deeply apologise to my supporters for letting them down.”

“There is no one to blame but myself for my actions, and I have personally apologised to Mickey for it” The tirade followed a victory for Matt in running for the sabbatical position at YUSU. The win means that he will be charged with running the finances of the union including all its shops and vehicles.

Burton will also be in control of helping to organise Fresher's Fortnight and the Summer Ball, following in the footsteps of current officer Amy Woods. The position is regarded by many as being the most powerful in YUSU along with the role of SU president.

Speaking about his new job Matt told us: “I am focusing on looking forward to the year ahead and working with the new executive team in driving forward the Students’ Union.”

The election-night outburst is the latest in a long line of controversies for the student dubbed “the Goodfather”. Last year Matt led a rebellion against YUSU equipment provider Ents Tech after undercutting their prices – leading to fears that major campus events like Woodstock could be cancelled.

At the end of last term Matt’s Goodricke JCRC committee spent £800 of student money flying a David Hasselhoff look-a-like all the way from Ireland to appear at one of his events. The committee paid for his flights, accommodation and appearance fee.

> ANNE-MARIE LEADS NEW FEMALE-DOMINATED YUSU

joey ellis

er hall grace fletch

VISION Full coverage of YUSU elections: ONLINE www.yorkvision.co.uk

BY ADAM THORN AND LUCY TAYLOR Anne-Marie Canning has pledged to put the “charisma” back into YUSU after an election victory that saw her take almost three times as many votes as only rival James Flinders.

The new President told Vision she hopes to “sympathise” more with student groups and combat accusations of elitism within the union’s upper ranks.

“This is a common, year-on-year attack,” she said. “We have to make sure the students come first.”

Initial figures for last week’s elections indicate the highest voting turnout for five years, with more than 1300 votes for President. Of these, Canning won almost 1000, while Flinders took just 357.

“The campaigners have been excellent this year, and that’s probably why turnout was quite high,” said Canning. “But I’d like to see those voting figures double next year.”

Campus rebel Grace Fletcher-Hall won the closest-run competition,

THE AUTOMATIC

BY LUCY TAYLOR

The Automatic will play the Roses Ball this year in a deal worth £15,000.

The indie band have been booked by the Athletic Union to headline the event after first choice Maximo Park dropped out earlier this term.

"It's taken us a long time to sort everything out," said Tom Moore, AU President. "But it's good finally to have got a big act."

The last time the Automatic visited York for a gig in Fibbers last year they sold just 150 tickets. But this year they arrive fresh from touring the country with the NME Awards indie tour.

Tickets went on sale yesterday for the Roses Ball, which is held every other year to mark the end of the inter-uni sports tournament when it is held at home. This year, the event will take place at Next Generation gym and is being marketed as an "alternative" ball with casual dress, a cinema room showing Roses highlights, and an upstairs casino.

The headliners will be supported by acoustic band Lecorum and performances by Pole Exercise society.

"The last ball two years ago was a really good event," said Moore. "We'll be hoping for more of the same."

CAMPUS FILM ON BIG SCREEN

CANN-DO ATTITUDE sam bayley

3

beating Kris Dye to Academic and Welfare Officer by just 43 votes.

“I’m completely shocked – for most of the week I thought Kris Dye had the best chance of winning,” said the former Women’s and Policy and Campaigns Officer.

“I’ve wanted this since the day I was first elected. I want to stand up to the university and show them what we can do.”

Uncontested Joey Ellis was elected Development and Charities Officer, in charge of RAG and Student Action, and Jo Carter beat Nick Hassey to be elected the first female AU President in thirteen years.

Sam Bayley promised to get more students involved in campus politics in his new role as Socities and Communications Officer.

"I want to integrate more with facebook to get students involved with events and voting on union general motions," he told Vision after the results were announced.

"That's the way to be really effective."

BY LIZZY DALE Two York students have won backing from investors for a new feature-length film to be produced on campus.

After the film-making society’s success last year with university-based horror film Human Residue, producer Vicky Petela and director Liam Wright have launched their own project - Ex Cathedra.

“We want to make this film as good as we can possibly make it,” said Liam Wright, “We aim to penetrate the commercial market and successfully distribute it on DVD, the internet, at Film Festivals and hopefully theatrical releases.”

Ex Cathedra is the existential story of three very different people and their struggle to find a path to a better life. The film tracks Alexis, Kevin and Corban through an underground world of drugs and double dealings.

The project has several interested investors in the York area and has received support from local businesses and the student community.

Principal photography will start on July 1 and the team aim to carry on through to the end of August. The shoot will be an intense affair with six solid days of filming a week and a large crew and cast of York students.

4NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

student EXPOSED: HOW THE UNI'S TOP BOSSES press We read them...so you don't have to Kebab Arrest

Two students were arrested by their friendly local kebab seller on a night out in Oxford, according to student newspaper Cherwell.

Kebab man Ahmed Mohammed chased them down the street and performed a citizen's arrest after one of the boys tried to steal his petition campaigning for longer opening hours.

"Ahmed was quite angry," said one witness. "He's actually incredibly fast for a short man."

Safe House?

Three housemates fell four metres through the floor of their student home in Sheffield - a year after one of them used the house as a case study of a dangerous building for his architecture degree.

The students landed in the cellar after the damp porch of their university-owned accommodation gave way, reports the Sheffield Steel. One was hospitalised and the the rest of the house had to be evacuated.

But the essay about buildings with structural failings, which took the house as its main example, got a first.

And you thought Goodricke was bad..

A Hall of Residence in Exeter has had to be fumigated after nine students reported being bitten by bed bugs, writes student paper Exeposé.

Uni bosses were forced to spend £15,000 spraying the whole block with pest control fluids to eradicate the insects.

A university spokesman blamed students for bringing the bugs with them in their luggage.

Smartening Up A Warwick Pro-Vice Chancellor has spoken out against "scruffy" lecturers in the top-ten ranking university, writes the Warwick Boar.

"In this age of fashion consciousness, lecturers should smarten up their act," said Professor Susan Basnett after an episode of BBC programme What Not to Wear targeted middle-aged academics.

PR Director Pippa Rees agrees: "The sloppy, absent Professor look exploited by many lecturers is indicative of out-of-date ideas."

Vote RON President 1 One would-be student politician at Exeter University is nursing his bruised ego this week after losing out in the SU Presidential elections - despite being the only candidate.

Voters chose to Re-Open Nominations rather than elect James Bennett to the position, after a widespread facebook campaign backing RON. "At least it shows that Exeter students understand the voting system and know how to make their voice heard," said the optimistic loser in Exeposé.

BRIAN SPENDS OUR MONEY ON THE JET SET LIFE.. >Continued from page 1

BY ADAM THORN Information gathered by Vision under the Freedom of Information Act offers for the first time a glimpse into the luxury lifestyles of the university’s most senior executives.

In three years, Vice Chancellor Cantor spent £50,000 on air travel alone, plus a further £40,000 on other transport and accommodation.

Other members of his team filed a massive £60,000 expenses bill between them.

Pro-Vice Chancellors Trevor Sheldon, Chris Henshall and BA Gilbert are amongst the university’s top spenders with a combined expenses payout of

TOP

over £30,000.

Responding to the revelations, the university said in a statement: “Much of the university’s business relates to international relations, including teaching, research and other academic links with organisations overseas. As the leader of one of Britain’s major universities, it is the Vice-Chancellor’s job to seek, maintain and increase these links.”

The university has admitted that Cantor plans to fly to China, India, Japan and the United States later this year in a series of expeditions to help international student recruitment and generate income. Money is also being spent hosting a series of

lavish meals for top academics.

A spokesman added: “The Vice Chancellor hosts dinners and other events at the University for UK educationalists, researchers, funders, benefactors, policy-makers and alumni, who all help the University in its teaching and academic affairs.”

Brian Woods, the York representative of lecturer’s union UCU, told Vision in a statement: “Given the apparent staffing and budgetary difficulties that we have been told the university currently faces, UCU York would hope that the VC’s Office has judged its priorities appropriately and is able to justify such expenditure on the

2

5

B GILBERT

BRIAN CANTOR

£88,876 4

brian cantor

ELLIS

GILBERT

3

8

HENSHALL

£12,482 HENSHALL

SHELDON

6

£2,696 ROBERDS

FITTER

£5,700 RIDDY

£5,065 RIDDY

FORD

£2,488

9

FITTER

£10,123 7 SHELDON

ROBARDS

£6,997

£13,881

OF THE

WASTERS

ELLIS

grounds that these activities have both brought in additional income, which outweighed the initial cost, but more importantly have also raised the reputation of the University of York.”

Vice Chancellor Cantor has refused to speak to Vision about these issues personally, and has also yet to make a statement on the current porter’s crisis which has seen 24 hour portering removed from the university.

Last year Brian received a 16% pay rise taking his final take home salary to £176,000 – which is only marginally less than the annual salary of the Prime Minister.

FORD

TOTAL:

£148,308

NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2006

BLEW £150K ON HUGE EXPENSES CLAIM

HYPOCRISY"

>UCU PRESIDENT STEVE WHARTON ATTACKS WASTEFUL VCs'

CANTOMETER 86 DAYS AND COUNTING...

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW

BY ADAM THORN If they were that good then they would be out there.”

Wharton told Vision that Vice Chancellors are become increasingly separated from their staff and that they are increasingly thinking that they are running large businesses.

Speaking on the role of Chancellors as businessmen he added: “The fact that VCs' are not really academics is absolutely stupid” adding that they need to “communicate respect”.

“There’s a complete divorce between academics and leaders," he added. "VCs' are would-be CEOs of large businesses.

“No VC should be earning more than twice the salary of the top earning lecturers”.

Wharton also highlighted the secrecy of Vice Chancellors pay

WHAT £150K COULD BUY YOU: 52,941 PINTS OF CARLING

NEW DEPARMENT CHIEF SPEAKS OUT

BY IAIN WITHERS

"RANK

The leader of the country’s biggest lecturers' union, the UCU, has attacked the culture of massive expenses of the UK’s top university bosses, calling it “rank hypocrisy”.

Steve Wharton criticised VCs' “incredible salaries” after it emerged two weeks ago that Brian Cantor is now earning £180,000 after a 16.8% pay rise. “The whole issue is seeking to justify the unjustifiable”.

His words come less than a year after he triggered a nation-wide marking boycott which caused fears that students wouldn't graduate.

Talking exclusively to Vision he said: “The weasel words that they use to justify their salaries beggars belief. It’s a sad reflection on the situation of Vice Chancellors that they think they are captains of industry.

5

rates - which are buried in most university's end of year accounts.

He attacked the huge differences in staff pay: “There has been a 40% decline in lecturers salaries in relative terms – amounting to £3bn.”

He added that: “Vice Chancellors decided to play the three foolish monkeys, see no union, hear no union, speak no sense”.

Figures published this month show the nationwide salaries for UK Vice Chancellors. London business school's Laura Tyson was named as the top earner, earning around £322,000 a year.

Oxford's John Hood took home £229,000 a year with a £36,000 pension as well.

Cantor's take-home pay has increased by a third in just two years.

120,643 DUREX CONDOMS

...SINCE OUR VC BRIAN CANTOR SPOKE OUT ABOUT THE PORTERS' CRISIS.

125 THIRD YEAR STUDENTS

..AND NOW HE'S VISITING CHINA, INDIA, JAPAN AND THE UNITED STATES

Andy Tudor, Head of Theatre, Film and Television at York, has given a robust defence of the rationale behind Heslington East’s most daring proposed department.

The new department will start running MA courses from October of this year and hopes to offer an original take of theatre, film and television from its founders’ backgrounds in the departments of Electronics, English and Sociology.

Andy Tudor rejects the criticism levelled by academics in the more traditional subjects that the proposed department is an attempt to get a slice of an already saturated commercial market at the expense of more traditional subjects.

Whilst he admitted that the move was a daring one, he stated that the proposals had gone through a “rigorous process of approval like all new programs of study” and would bring something new to the field. “What is new is that we will bring high academic standards to the practices of film, theatre and television.”

He argued that the university was far from going into the field cold. “I’ve been persuading the university to set this department up for twenty years as a Sociology lecture. We already teach successful drama related material and English and have academics there that have been trained at the New York Film School.”

Whilst Andy Tudor may allege that the department was chosen according to academic criteria, the University’s corporate plan stated that the main rationale behind the new departments was to be areas where there is “strong applicant demand”. According to the UCAS website, courses in the area of media received 246,000 applications last year, compared to 80,000 applications for courses in the Physical Sciences.

The other new department on Heslington East will be Law.

STUDENT BUSINESS TAKES ON EBAY

BY BEN MATTHEWS

A University of York student is already one step ahead of the internet giants Ebay by launching a unique advertising auction website.

The site, www.adsbay.co.uk, was founded by third-year Electronic Engineering student Ross Fobian and has already found success both here in the UK and in the states.

The internet auction site, Ebay, decided this month to set up a similar service for TV advertising, but Fobian has a head start, as well as several additional unique ideas planned for the site, which he hopes will stand his business in good stead in the upcoming future.

Fobian, 22, started the website in March last year and expects to create a turnover of about a million pounds within the next 3 years if everything goes as planned. He is also looking to get societies from the University of York to use the website as a way of generating extra income for themselves, through selling advertising and sponsorship deals.

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YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday March 13, 2007

LINGUISTICS LEAST VALUABLE DEPARTMENT

MOST VALUABLE DEPARTMENTS

BIOLOGY CHEMISTRY COMPUTER SCIENCE PSYCHOLOGY ELECTRONICS HEALTH SCIENCE SOCIAL POLICY ECONOMICS HISTORY PHYSICS MATHS ENGLISH POLITICS EDUCATION SOCIOLOGY MANAGEMENT ENVIRONMENT MUSIC PHILOSPHY LINGUISTICS

NEWS INVESTIGATION

>DEPARTMENT BRINGS IN LESS INCOME THAN ANY OTHER...AS BIOLOGY NETS £12.8M

BY IAIN WITHERS Biology is the university’s most valuable department, and Language and Linguistics its least valuable, according to figures obtained

by Vision.

The Biology department brought in £12.8 million pounds in research income last year.

Language and Linguistics may not have registered the lowest research income figures at £67,000, but poor demand for places and a comparatively low cash allocation to the department by the uni of £82,656 this year confirmed its place at the foot of our twenty-strong league table.

As university departments feel the pinch of rounds of spending cuts, the value of each in terms of the research income they bring in is informing university policy over Heslington East.

Commercial lets are to be set aside for businesses that can integrate with Science departments on the new campus and more ‘valuable’ departments such as Electronics and Computer Science are being rehoused

in Heslington East.

Despite the fact that Chemistry departments are closing up and down the country, we can reveal that York’s department’s research income of £6.8 million is substantially higher than most other departments, securing its place at number 2 in our list.

The truth behind the figures, however, is that research grants do not always cover the full cost of research, with some charities for instance, refusing to pay research overheads. Richard Firn, a former lecturer at Biology, told Vision that some of the science departments were making as much as a £2 million loss year on year.

Official university policy states that the university should pursue areas where demand is high. Richard Firn points out that this is due to the fact that university profits from students, rather than in many areas of academic research.

Economics, Psychology, History and English, all of which have undergone increased intake over the past few years, figure higher that they otherwise would have done due to high demand for places.

Physics, on the hand features lower due to a lack of demand for places.

In terms of cash allocations to departments, Electronics features highest, gaining £585,915 from the university at the start of the academic year.

Education Studies also features highly on this criteria at number three, getting £480,806 - a large sum given that it is also the smallest department according to university figures with 98 undergraduates.

If this money was to be allocated directly to students this would mean an average of £4,900 per student, substantially more than the department with the lowest cash allocation per student, Philosophy, which would spend on average £125 per head.

Students of Philosophy, Language and the Environment get much much less than students of Electronics, Computer Science or Management in the region of £800 per head or more.

In the context of departmental budget cuts across the board, large disparities in resources between departments in spite of increased fees of £3000 for all should be of concern to students aware that investment is decreasing in their already cash-strapped departments.

RESEARCH INCOME TOP 5

BIOLOGY £12.8M CHEMISTY £6.8M COMPUTER SCIENCE £3.2M HEALTH £3.2M SOCIAL POLICY £2.5M

>TURN TO CENTRE SPREAD FOR FULL INVESTIGATION ON WHERE OUR FEES ARE GOING

FUSION: WE'RE BOYCOTTING CENTRAL HALL

BY BEN MATTHEWS Fusion are threatening to drop central hall for next year’s event after complaining of rising costs and a lack of help from the university.

Fusion, Central Hall Music Soc, Pant Soc and Gilbert and Sullivan Soc are among a coalition of societies looking elsewhere for a venue.

Hannah Martin, President of Fusion 2007, said: “For a charity event like Fusion, any other company would help us out. Every other company we have used gave us discounts. YUSU want to help us but can’t afford to. Some of the equipment missing would help not just us but any other society that used Central Hall too.”

Fusion are complaining that the costs of hiring AV and lighting are huge as it is paid for by the hour. Insurance for the lighting that Fusion had to hire cost over £400 and the team who set up the AV had to be paid for every hour they were there - including before, during and after the performance.

Each society gets an allowance of 12 hours and the Fusion committee is hoping to tap into other societies allowances to keep the costs down.

Ed Rainer, Technical Director for Fusion 2007, said: “Central Hall is the biggest venue on campus - societies can’t go anywhere else. The university could spend £5,000 to buy two projector screens, which is a

drop in the ocean and equipment that all societies could use and hire.

If productions were held in town, massive saving could be had on AV and lighting as the venues would already have the equipment needed.

But as Central Hall is basically an empty shell, all the AV and lighting has to be hired and paid to be installed.”

Society and Communications Officer, Colin Hindson, critised the handling of the porters crisis throughout the event. “I said to the university that it was ridiculous to expect societies to pay for all the portering. I basically had to come up with a solution for the university otherwise no societies would have used central hall."

RESEARCH INCOME BOTTOM 5 MUSIC PHILOSPHY LINGUISTICS MANAGEMENT ENGLISH

£4,217 £40,876 £66,534 £113,86 £119,103

OUR MAN ON THE INSIDE TELLS YOU

the confession box PECIAL S N O I T C E EL

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON AT YUSU

NOUSELESS: 4 WRITERS KICKED OUT BY DOORSAFE FOUR Nouse writers, including editor HEIDI BLAKE, were thrown out of YUSU election night by campus security guards.

Heidi was caught smoking by security, but despite being previously warned decided to carry on breaking YUSU rules.

The four were spotted by Vision begging to be let back in. Shame...

DISGRACED: NOUSE

DID SENIOR YUSU MEMBER ASKS PEOPLE TO RUN FOR SOC OFFICER

?

RUMOURS spread on election night that a senior YUSU officer phoned up people BEGGING them to run for the position of Society and Communication officer after it received little

interest.

The position was eventually won by former Halifax officer Sam Bayley.

The Confession box revealed his ambition to run for a sab position earlier this year despite his denials.

OLD GUARD REFUSE TO LEAVE EVENT Last year's SU officers turned up in force for election night but refused to leave the event after it finished.

Former officers including Mickey Armstrong, Neil Barnes and the legendary services officer Nat Thwaite Mcgowan turned up to see their old buddies in York. Perhaps its time you moved on lads?

YORK VISION

COMMENT

V

Tuesday March 13, 2007

7

COMMENT LETTERS>COMMENT>COLUMNS

LETTERS No Sweat.! The contradiction of

Taking the Mickey...

Dear Vision

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This polic rs involved dise supplie SU's merchan r ei y. th scrutiny Planet Societ receive the - People & de rd co re ack industry's tr

Dear Vision,

One often hears comments on the integrity of our political leaders, and many people have questioned the high number of uncontested posts at this years YUSU elections. Matt Burton’s acceptance speech at the YUSU elections was not only a poor example of his personal integrity but can only help to see why so many students feel disillusioned with student politics and are disinclined to run for office.

Whether his allegations against Mickey Macefield were accurate or not, it was an appalling time to vent his personal opinions. Regardless of the influence of alcohol, Matt acted in a disgraceful manner. I hope he has already sent a full and unreserved apology to Mickey and that he can deliver his electoral promises, particuarly in his promise of a central student venue. Failing to do so will not only portray Matt as a disgraceful winner, but hardly a winner at all.

Arthur Reeves.

Vision agrees that the Goodfather should have risen above allegations of his opponent’s bad behaviour during elections. His tanked up speech on Friday night requires the service of an apology to Mickey Macefield. For a full story see page 3.

Vision is also delighted that the Sweatshop and Ethical Merchandise UGM motion has been passed. We too have been campaigning for a more ethical SU for some time, and look forward to realising our ‘vision’ for a greener campus.

Library char ges are not f ine poun

Dear Vision,

ds for return ing key I was appa texts minut lled to read es late, pa in ticularl your last ry when othe issue that r simithe lar U library is pl niversities anning to in overlook - fines for troduce char short term ges for inte loans rlibrary loan re tu rn ed requests. A within fift s minutes een the £76010 fi ne profits la of the dead st and pu line year only to t a limit on o clearly sh charges ow, to en library ch sure studen arges are ts will al- pay no ready out of more than control. Re£20. cently one T he si m of my friend ple fact of s matter the was forced is that mor to pay a £3 e and 5 more st fine, more udents are than the bo using ok key te itself was w xts and inte orth, for a ke r-library y loan re text that ne quests beca ver even le use the ft library the library does not ha (it was left ve the on resour a desk, and ces to meet then put ba student ck deman on the wrong d el sewhere. shelf, which But meant it wen it should be t missing fo the Univerr sity ra four days). ther than Whilst I acce student pt pocket that fines en s that are fu sure studen nding a ts much return book need- ed s on time, library it expans seems ridicu ion. lous that pe ople are pu tting forwar d Anonym ous.

Vision agrees that library fines and charges are already too high. Charging for inter-library loans is yet another unnecessary drain on the student bank-balance. The library should rely on the University’s money, not ours!

CROSSWORD ACROSS >>>>>>> DOWN >>>>>>>>> 9. American mobile (8,5) 10. Esteemed Vision ex-editor (3) 11. BAE what? (7) 12. I believe (4) 13. Do with skill or ability (4) 15. Ocean skeletons (5) 17. Churchill and Admiral are examples of this (7) 19. Fulfills the command (5) 21. And so forth (3) 23. Pierces with horns (5) 24. Exceed in sales (7) 25. Adversary of humanity (5) 27. Gulp (4) 28. The Scene's area of expertise (4) 30. Fasten together (7) 32. Opera division (3) 33. Biggest spoon's capacity (13) Answers from Issue 177:

1. Loudly crying (9) 2. Emergency ship flame (5) 3. Annoys (4) 4. Indiscriminate killing (8) 5. Come into sight (6) 6. Pea containers (4) 7. Note of four beats (9) 8. Obese person (5) 14. This issue's pimpee (5) 16. Bingo-like game of chance (5) 18. Napkin (9) 20. Persuasion to buy (5,4) 22. Dishonour, disgrace (8) 26. Underground road (6) tunnel 27. Sealed with a loving kiss (5) 29. Repetitive guitar tunes (5) 30. Castro's homeland (4) 31. Wooden horse city (4)

Across: 8. awesome, 9. leads, 10. drone, 11. testify, 12. honk, 13. princess, 16. perspire, 19. mali, 22. coconut, 23. wound, 24. kendo, 25. relieve.

Down: 1. hardship, 2. heroin, 3. boxes, 4. better, 5. closing, 6. satire, 7. shy, 14. skin deep, 15. opinion, 17. recant, 18. return, 20. amuses, 21. dwell, 22. coke.

8COMMENT

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

>COMMENT

Adam THORN

NUS SMALL BUDGET PUBLICATION OF THE YEAR 2006

SAYS...

Cantor's expenditure is absolutely disgusting

W

ith the university's recent crash down the league tables, the continual threats of strike action from porters, catering staff and lecturers over pay disputes, and ceaseless reports of severe underfunding in most aspects of university life, the news emerging this week that our Vice Chancellor, Brian Cantor, spent £90,000 on 'expenditure' has left Vision reeling in shock. This is repulsive hypocracy of the highest order. Time after time, management busybodies feed students pathetic claptrap suggesting that university is somehow strapped for cash. How are we supposed to believe this waffle when it is revealed that the VC is squandering abhorrent amounts of our tuition fees gallivanting around the world and hosting lavish dinner parties?

I

t’s going to be a busy year for our Vice Chancellor Brian Cantor. He is going to be jetting of to India, China, Japan and the United States in a serious of “international missions” to help bring more funding for our university.

And that’s not forgetting all the lavish meals he is going to be attending with some of the country’s top celebrities and academics. My heart goes out to him, it really does.

Let’s just hope that his seat reclines all the way back in his business class suite on his BA flight.

And to think, poor man, that when he gets back he is going to have to listen to all these staff whinging on and on about how they’re getting low pay, about how they are no porter’s lodges. Bloody selfish of them if you ask me.

The fact is that after our revelations, we now know that our Vice Chancellor, who earns nearly as much as the PM, is not exactly in his office running the university.

But I’ve got to ask the question – why not?

THE DEBATE >CANTOR'S PERSONAL KITTY NEWS EDITOR actually be doing his job and sorting out the university’s problems.

Instead what we have is a Vice Chancellor who swans around the world on “international missions” like he’s 007.

But ultimately what our revelations about university finance reveal is the level of bureaucracy and waste that exists within York.

The role of a vice chancellor is less about managing and more about being some sort of academic ambassador for the university. He’s not princess Diana.

Bizarrely, Cantor has still yet to speak or release a single statement to the press on the porter’s crisis.

And for me that shows a compete contradiction in terms.

What we now know is that his job is to wine and dine important people, snooze up to big companies and raise the profile of the university.

India, China and the US? Get back to work "What we have is a Vice Chancellor who swans around like 007" For nearly £180,000 a year of our money you expect a top manager to

news@vision.york.ac.uk

Students must not stand for this. If the university wants to run itself as a business: fine. We are therefore the customers, and we are NOT happy.

Burton should think before he speaks

W

ith a position of authority comes responsibility, and if Matt Burton thinks he can continue such obnoxious outbursts without rebuke, then he is sadly mistaken. We elect our union officers as representitives of ourselves, and, even though not in power yet, Burton became answerable to us the moment the results were revealed on Friday night. The election process is extremely stressful, and any disrespectful behaviour should be reported appropriately. Anyone who thinks that taking the matter into their own hands by publicly humiliating another candidate is in any way appropriate, let alone respectful, is seriously deluded.

Burton must remember that he must now account for every public action he makes. Vision hopes and expects to see formal apologies from both sides in due course.

SU no longer a boys' club

A

fter years of a male dominated YUSU, Vision would like to express how refreshing it is to have not only a female president, but also a female AU president (the first for thirteen years no less), and academic and welfare and student development and charities officers.

Maybe in this apparent age of equality, it's time to scrap the position of Women's Officer?

The paying generation

Iain WITHERS

J

ames Alexander was SU President from 2004 to 2005. He tells me that one of the most memorable things he remembers about Brian Cantor was a comment he made whilst on an Open Day, when asked what the college system meant to him. His reply, allegedly, was “an accommodation block of 4000 to 5000 students”. Only Halifax could really have fit his bill.

Your imagination doesn’t have to leap very far to see this reply as plausible from a man who isn’t exactly PR friendly. Richard Firn, a lecturer with a bee in his bonnet if ever I saw one (now retired), says of Cantor, “He’s a corporate man, he has that corporate ethos built into his soul.”

Interestingly, as soon as I start talking to James Alexander, Richard Firn’s name comes up. He tries to pass him off as a bit of a nutter.

The characterisation is a bit harsh. Richard Firn, to me, comes across as a throwback from an academic ethos alien to our current

campus - a campus where students and academia truly came first.

Look at the current admin team - Keith Lilly, Director of Facilities, former NHS mandarin; Jon Meacock, Head of Heslington East, a former oil man - all corporate managers through and through.

There is a sense in which the uni’s hand is being forced into current cut backs. Financial mismanagement in the past and having to recover from million pound deficits gives the university no choice but to drive the efficiency agenda though on Heslington West and put Heslington East up for let.

But our investigation into the most valuable department on campus is instructive of the way things are now. The management ethos is infecting the integrity of what Firn’s generation remembers of the university ethos. It seems an odd exercise to try and judge the ‘value’ of a department without a consideration of the value of the education itself - but demand and

FEATURES EDITOR ‘scale economies’ are what drive university decisions nationwide as they are dragged into the commercial market. The imperative to become a ‘big player’, to quote a university spokesman, necessities making student money go much further than it used to and getting more students through the door on the road to expansion and the fanfare of Hes East. Call me idealistic, but I’d rather universities were honest with fee-paying students and invest directly in them and in their education - this is the ‘good’ of universities in society and cannot be overlooked.

Teaching standards are dropping, Board of Studies Reps talk of poor facilities and YUSU Welfare Rep Amy Foxton tells us rents are going up 7% next year. There is a real danger that we will be the generation that pays for the mismanagement of the past and the corporate vision of the future.

features@vision.york.ac.uk

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday March 13, 2007

Student politics: We all hate it, but should be convinced to love it

Richard BYRNESMITH

COMMENT EDITOR

I

t’s a well-known fact that everyone hates student politics.

Students hate student politics.

Student politicians hate student politics. I write for a campus newspaper, supposedly all about student politics, and I hate it too. Why is this? The cliché of the nauseous Marxist know-it-all, with his beret, his Ché poster and his ‘radical’ new ideas, is apparently (and many would say luckily) long gone, but are we, in all our hating, missing something important? ‘Of course we are!’ say the irritating campus hacks, ‘students are just not what they used to be!’ Then they mention the dreaded aword. Apathy. That’s it, apparently. It’s the reason why less than 10% of students voted in the recent YUSU election; it’s the reason why UGM motions rarely reach quoracy; it’s the reason why we don’t protest ‘like we used to’. But I don’t think it is. For many of my friends (and myself, even), it’s not that they ‘don’t care anymore’, but rather that they have seen what little difference ‘caring’ makes. It’s a fine distinction, but I feel, an important one. Why should a student give a

damn that one SU presidential candidate intends to reform a minor, insignificant area of the union? Why should a second-year student, who lives off-campus, care in the slight-

est about porter reductions? Indeed, why should I give a monkey's that Heslington East is the most stupid idea ever conceived? Any student politician could reel off a list of reasons, but that’s not enough. Convince us. While I believe there is

possibly nothing worse than a union busybody who doesn’t acknowledge these minute and insignificant issue in the context they deserve, I still feel that it is extremely important that we all at least recognise them and seek their rectification. After all, as the hacks say, ‘if we care about the small things, the big things will look after themselves’.

But, we must remember, this is not necessarily our responsibility.

The student politicians we (well, 10% of us) elected this week must make it their duty to get us interested. Realising that students, on the whole, feel increasingly disconnected with a union continually elected from the same clique, is the first step to achieving this. Alright, Matt Burton has made a fool of himself already, but I hope - just hope - that we aren’t going to see yet another inward-looking, immature and impenetrable union just like all the others. Recognise us, relate to us, and make us love student politics.

comment@vision.york.ac.uk

If we cannot agree the rules, how can we play the game?

SENIOR LECTURER

O

ne of the most astonishing and wonderful features of the modern world is the fact that people from cultures and religions and politico-economic systems as diverse as those in China and Chile, Botswana and Belgium, Jamaica and Jordan regularly come together to play a variety of games, from football to chess, and from tennis to water-polo.

Whether male or female, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Christian, socialist, fascist and liberal individuals appear able to do so with little difficulty. Why? The answer is simple - there is agreement about the rules and there is agreement about the rules for changing the rules. Whatever the participants do in private or in their own countries is irreleveant: what matters is that in the context of their sport, they accept and play the rules.

The implications of this for debates about multi-culturalism and (much else) are far-reaching.

The fundamental and underlying point is that no collective human activity is possible on a peaceful basis without agreed rules - that is, institutional arrangements which shape behaviour. All human societies are characterised by networks of regular social interactions and practices, which whether economic, political or cultural, require agreed and predictable rules.

People thus know what to expect, how to behave in different con-

Adrian LEFTWICH

texts and how to interpret things.

Language can be understood as an institution, constituted by the rules governing the use of sounds for meanings and communication Likewise, institutions of marriage or burial vary greatly. Economic activity - whether silent barter, the operation of stock markets, the conditions for opening a new business or obtaining credit - is shaped by ‘the rules of the game’, which forbid some forms of behaviour (eg fraud) and encourage others (payment of bills). Politics, too is also profoundly influenced by rules which steer political behaviour in different directions: consider the contrasts between presidential and parliamentary systems, or between proportional representation and first-past-the-post electoral systems - all structure politics and distribute power in different ways.

When one uses this kind of lens to look at issues and conflicts surrounding multiculturalism, therefore, the issue is not whether a particular practice - religious or cultural - is ‘acceptable’ in some moral sense, or not in keeping with the ‘traditional’ British ways. Rather the issue is what rules should apply to behaviour in the public domain and how these rules should be made and changed. For example, one need not keep to the rules of the road on a private farm, only on public roadways where the rules of the road apply. It could not be otherwise. Likewise, as the new legisla-

tion bites, with smoking. In both cases the central criterion has to do with the ‘harm’ those activities might do to others if the rules were not kept - and J S Mill had much to say about this in his classic study On Liberty. But, equally, there are some things which it is held should not happen anywhere, whether in the private or the public domain, such as female circumcision or the enslavement of children.

Thinking about multiculturalism in institutional terms in this way, may get us further than much of the current debate does. The primary focus should be on what rules - what institutions - should apply in the public domain, where everyone is affected. The second consideration should be what rules should apply even to the private domain so that all individuals will be able to participate equally and effectively in the public domain. And the third consideration should be what aspects of private life in any community, culture or religion need not be covered by rules because it does not affect the rights of, or do harm to, any individual in such communities or beyond them.

The example of international sport proves that people of diverse cultures and beliefs can and do play the same game because they agree the rules. While it may not always be easy to achieve that, it should nonetheless provide hope that cultural and other conflicts in the modern world are not insoluble.

9

YUSU: PRESIDENT-ELECT Our future plans

Anne-Marie CANNING I t’s the morning after the night before. Oh dear. Elections night is always one of high emotion as the candidates gather their friends around them and, more often than not, consume their own weight in alcohol. The elections got off to a slow start this year but soon gathered in pace. The life of a candidate during campaign week and voting week is not as much fun as it seems! From postering campus to flyering kitchens to chalking lecture rooms, and then waking up the next morning at 7am to do it all over again! But the main thing we should all learn from elections campaigning is what is really important – it’s good to talk.

I’m astounded and totally humbled by the votes I received last night – and they were a product of engaging with students all over campus.

Getting the chat out definately gets the vote out!

As a direct result of these conversations with students I believe the year ahead holds so much promise. We now have a great team to take the union forward in ways

York students would like. Joey wants to get you all volunteering, Grace wants to run better welfare campaigns, Sam is going to be getting intimate with facebook, Matt is going to start working towards the venue and Jo will continue to build on the successes of the Athletic Union. Personally, my own priority will be establishing the prescription pick up and drop off point ASAP until the pharmacy becomes a reality. A practical service which is of direct to students on campus – so you can see the student union working to help you.

Next year my campaign poster will be pinned up next to my new desk – reminding me of all the things I have promised you. I will not let you down. More so, if you fancy chit chatting about any issues or ideas you have then feel free to email me presidentelect@yusu. org Now in the meantime, there’s just the small matter of a degree to finish off…

amc501@york.ac.uk

>ARTS COMMENT Music: the trendy bandwagon

Loulla-Mae ELEFTHERIOUSMITH S omething has been playing on my mind recently, and it was when I went to the Vice Tour in Leeds last Thursday that I realised what it was. Walking into the Faversham, I was met with the normal indie crowd: peroxide blonde hair, sprayed on skinny jeans, vintage clothing/shoes/bags and aloofness were all in adbundance. That’s right; they’re so cool they couldn’t give a fuck, standing around looking generally unimpressed. My friend Sally and I like to rebel against such pretence as often as possible, and decided to dance like fools to the dj's betweenband set. This was all well and good until the rest of the crowd started to join in, surprisingly, not because of our amazing dancing skills, but because of the grime being played. That’s right, a crowd of ironic indie kids getting down and dirty to Statik, MC Ghetto and a bit of hip hop.

After my initial thought of ‘what the..?’, I recalled a similar experience at Fabric last month, which left me on the dance floor with a more than miffed look on my face. Whilst dancing to Andy C and DJ Hype, I was surrounded by the normal drum and bass messyheads, though occasionally I’d notice the odd blonde bombshell, a vintage bag here, and a second hand shoe there.

What's going on? Where are the good old days when everything musical was black and white? When the term ‘grunger’ or ‘trendy’ meant one thing and one thing alone: identity. At the tender ages of 13 to 15, music was the only way to define yourself. Grungers hated the chart top ten and trendies; they wore baggy jeans and

listened to Nirvana as part of their staple diet. Trendies thought of anyone who didn’t listen to Capital FM was a freak. Goths were a white-faced, black-eyed genre unto themselves. However, when recalling such times of teen-angst identity crisis, genre merging doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Why shouldn’t people appreciate types of music outside their own box?

If only a genuine interest were the real reason behind this, though I have a suspicion that fashion - and not cat-walk to high street fashion - may be the culprit. New bands are being signed and hyped two a penny, whilst the NME gets through bands as often as you can change your knickers.

What worries me is the possibility of a devaluation of music, whereby people claim to like artists on the up (like Jamie T, Larrikin Love and Kid Harpoon) just because it’s the cool thing to do. Artists should be popular because they are genuinely appreciated, and not because they are the latest fashion trend. On the one hand, it’s an unavoidable situation because there is so much access to new music through myspace or trendy magazines, that you are constantly being bombarded with new things to listen to and form an opinion about. On the other, it creates a group of people that claim to be original and alternative, but are still just jumping on the bandwagon. You should listen to music because you like it, whether it spans twenty categories or just two, not because it has become the latest trend and it makes you look shit hot (or not, as the case may be).

music@vision.york.ac.uk

10 COMMENT

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

>COLUMNS

Sophie WRIGHT COMMENT EDITOR

L

ook closely at the social comings and goings of York University and it is clear that there is one place and one place only that forms the hub of our freakishly tight-knit community.

It’s not Toffs, it isn’t Ziggy’s, it’s not even the Gallery. The Charles, the market square, and the many University cafeterias don’t even come close. No, the place to go and meet people, to catch up, to stalk, scrutinize and spy on people is the very place where none of the above should be happening at all: the Library (The Libe for short).

Yes, everyone secretly loves the Libe for the social possibilities it presents. For since, theoretically, we are all here to do a degree, it is the single place that pretty much everyone is guaranteed to visit once in a while.

That the Libe promotes social interaction is signalled in its very structural set up. Shelves are suitably situated for games of library hide and seek. Tables are perfectly spaced for hushed conversations and paper fights. That we might annoy our more studious fellow library goers only makes things more exciting. Note that York University architects have also helpfully ensured maximum opportunities for social spying in the layout of the central Libe building. Just as the Gallery’s namesake enables leery old men to seek out their prey on the dance floor, a quick glance down from the top floor of the Libe tells the shrewd library goer which friends (and enemies) are sitting where.

Plan your route around the Libe carefully enough and you can encounter or avoid whomever you please.

And not only can simply sitting in the Libe allow for more social networking opportunities than an hour on Facebook (which, incidentally, the computer rooms provide should central Libe comings and goings prove dull at any given period), it can also encourage romance. Chances are, that crush you’ve harboured for an entire term is going to have to consult a book at some point. Hang around in the Libe long enough and you’re bound to bump into them. And amid all those books and that silence, whispered words and furtive glances caught across desks and computer screens seem to take on a new form of intensity.

Indeed, several of my friends have struck up conversations in the Libe that have led to dates. In the supposed study-trips made in the run up to such events, wardrobe consultations for a simple visit to the Libe became intensely complex operations. Hours of preparation went into achieving that artful combination of comfort, fashion, and not-trying-too-hard allure required for the catwalk that certain areas of the Libe represents.

To put a not too fine a point to it, we none of us really visit the Libe for the sole purpose of studying. The place presents far too many interesting distractions to make that our only aim. It is the underground social scene, not the books, that draw us back again and again to the Libe’s dusty shelves.

DEPUTY EDITOR

T

he schizophrenic nature of the weather at the moment (is it Spring? Summer even?

Wait, is that a tsunami I spot rolling up the Ouse?) can only mean one thing. And it’s not (just) global warming, but the advent of my enormous sunglasses. In March.

Oh yes. The minute the sun so much as peeks out I run into town in order to rifle through the High Street’s collection to find the single largest and most ridiculous pair of sunglasses I can lay my hands on. I get through at least three pairs per Summer anyway due to my extreme clumsiness (I’ve just got back from A&E after scalding myself with soup at work, that’s how incredibly clumsy I am), and every time I buy a new pair, they are bigger than the last. You could probably draw a graph: Katie’s clumnsiness/forgetfulness/complete and utter lack of space perception plotted against the size of her glasses. As the glasses get larger, so do the accidents at work. Next year I’ll probably slip on a vanilla slice and break both my legs, but my sunglasses will be so large that the City of York will hire me to sit in Parliament Square and shelter school children, the elderly and gingers from the sun’s fearsome rays. Actually, that sounds like my ideal job. I get to help people, enjoy the sunshine, and look like a bit of a twat. Perhaps it’s because my face is so small that the glasses look so large, or perhaps it’s because I’ve been buying comedy ones from Fantasy World.

Katie JACOBS

Shady Character Who can say? My housemate Ruth put them on the other day, pouted a bit (she’s good at that) and then came to the conclusion that, “No, I look like a cunt...[awkward pause], you don’t look like a cunt in them though, promise”. I’ve been getting stares. I like getting stares. I do hope that the people in The Charles garden on Thursday were thinking, “Wow, how incredidbly avant-garde and cutting edge that girl is, there’s no way we could carry off sunglasses of such extraordinary size”. It’s more likely that they were wondering what is so very wrong with my face that I feel the need to cover it up to such a large extent. I could use the excuse that bigger is better, but i t doesn’t seem to wo rk w i t h most

things, or follow any kind of logic.

For example, bigger grants for schools = a good thing, yet bigger amounts of genocide = a very, very bad thing. Crazy. Bigger is not better with models apparently, but then again size zero is a Very Bad Thing (so bad, it appears, that it merits capitalisation). This is particularly grating as I have just succeeded in slimming down to an elusive (literally, you can’t find me for love nor money) size zero, and now I’m informed by various esteemed publications that it’s just not ‘in’ any more. Fashion is a fickle friend indeed. And for your information, that person with their face in a chocolate cake in Vanbrugh bar who looked just like me was my evil twin sister, Kathy.

I think my problem is simply, that I enjoy standing out and playing dress up, even if it means looking like a bit of an idiot.

My ex used to refuse to be associated with me should I be wearing the glasses (and if he thought last year’s were bad…), but I was never wearing them for him. Or any other boy. I was wearing them for fashion.

There are many trends that women love that men just don’t understand. Take smocks for example. I love them,

they mean I can eat lots and lots and pretend that under the swathes of material, I am incredibly thin. Some male friends however have opined that they are “unsexy” and make one look pregnant. If a boy tells me I look nice, I get suspicious: what does he want? Am I accidentally flashing him? Is he gay? (Ah, casual stereotyping, is there anything better?) When one girl compliments another on her attire however, it usually means that she appreciates the time and effort that has gone into creating such an outfit. That or her skirt is actually tucked into her knickers and she hasn’t noticed, for as we all know, all women, deep down, are terribly bitchy. Women dress for women. There’s a reason you see them hunting in packs in town on a Saturday afternoon. It’s what we’ve been conditioned to do since we got our first lot of pocket money and bought as much pink fluff and glitter as we could carry from Claire’s Accessories. When I was five I enjoyed dressing up as a princess, a spy, a waitress (I don’t really know why that one appealed so much, but at least I have my wish); now I’m 21 I enjoy dressing up as different versions of me everyday. Ever since I was old enough to buy my own clothes, I’ve been my own version of Barbie (except not as tall, blonde or thin). Nothing’s changed; it’s just the sunglasses that are getting bigger.

That isn’t lots of time, it’s just a separate sort of time thing that I don’t know about and haven’t got time to work out.

I’m surprised at the moment that corporations exist. Things like banks and aeroplane companies.

How has it happened that someone has managed to get enough planes made and organised to fly regularly to places, taking passengers who want to go every time and food to feed them and sort out passport control and things? It’s impressive.

It’s great. And then you get the companies that make the doilies for the trays for the orange juice that the airhostesses serve in the middle of the night. And it all comes together in one big non-plane crash.

Amazing.

The university library could be similarly remarkable, if they didn’t put smiley-face stickers on their t ro l -

leys. So many books are there, in that library. Books that have been written several times: by their authors, in pencil-hand, in pieces of ideas; then, later, in hard-worked manuscript to be sent away; and after that in copy after copy to be handled, skirted around, and sometimes cracked by minds, minds with different owners but for a little while the same. Look for a little while in books, though, and you’ll come across this sort of sentence: “I tread a path that the vulgar follow and all I can do is look into its abysses”.

This is the kind of statement that reminds me of metal scraped against metal and its resulting shriek. I know people who’d describe it as lovely. Isn’t it vulgar to refer to the vulgar? Abysses glamorise problems. Treading a path, similarly bad. I love the odd cliché: that’s not my frog. It’s just a silly, self-involved thing to think.

Apparently self-involvement is quite the thing at the moment, though. In it, trendiness proliferates.

[Katie's hero. See her in similar glasses next season]

deputy.editor@vision.york.ac.uk

Hibernate!!!

Ruth MACLEAN

O

f late, and not even because I have a flea collar on, I’ve been finding turning my head pretty difficult. Without a dissertation, a history student is really at a loss as regards thinking material. Poor me. Besides thinking about biscuits (about which this Lent I am collecting fantasies: e-mail your sauciest biscuitdreams to Nouse, not me, as I am to biscuit fantasies as the devil is to tunes), I am reduced to what I am sure is the lot of many a failed philosophy lecturer: trying to turn head… trying… nearly there… no.

Maybe tomorrow.

Perhaps I’m making up for all the vigorous headshakes of the past year. Maybe when we’re busy all the time we’re accumulating things to sort out later, without noticing. It’ll be terrible if it’s always things like thinking about turning one’s head. If there were such a backlog, I’d save up millions of things to pay attention to later, but then die before I had to do them. Ha! In your face, to-

do list! Dying’s useful. I wonder if that’s the sort of thing the deathinventor had in mind when the death-inventor made it.

Spending so much time on headturning is annoying when you’re clever. It prevents you from getting things done normally, and if you could just get things done normally so much would change, so many people would be happier and walking around with helpful things to do all the time, motivated, yeah. Perhaps we’re all hibernating animals that have forgotten that we hibernate. Could hibernate be the opposite of galvanize?

The Chemical Brothers should do a remix. I don’t know if I’d really like hibernation though. When I’m asleep, I like to be warm and using up energy. I like to be always almost awake enough to be half-aware if someone is in the room, just in case the Tories are trying to steal my handlebars. Hibernation is colder, more dead.

I suppose most people are worried about things like earning enough money to pay their rent. I’m not. I can’t even imagine paying rent right now, though I do it. I don’t really worry about anything. I haven’t got time. I need so much time.

I imagine it in big yellow jerrycans full. I imagine pouring them down a hole into a tank. It takes weeks to even hear it sloshing. I just pour and pour. That’s how much time I need. I don’t need infinity time.

[Make like a tortoise and hibernate. There's a reason they live so long]

COMMENT 9

Tuesday November 14, 2006

>COLUMNS

Ben MATTHEWS

Ruth MACLEAN

Vomit-flasher

Looking for inspiration in all the wrong places editor@vision.york.ac.uk Becoming editor of one of the leading student newspapers is a pretty daunting prospect at the best of times. Looking at Vision’s track record in recent years - 3 consecutive Student Media Awards for 'Student Newspaper of the Year', coupled with nomination after nomination for our writers - it made me realise that what an amazing legacy we've got to follow. Even NBA superstar Shaquille O’Neal would have trouble filling those shoes, and he wears a size 22.

So I started looking around for inspiration to help drive our paper forward as the deadlines got tight and our budget even tighter. Firstly, I went to the great British leaders and found some amazingly inspirational words, the most notable being “The price of greatness is responsibility” (Churchill) and “I do not know anyone who has got to the top without hard work. It will not always get you to the top, but should get you pretty near” (Thatcher). So basically I am going to have to work extremely hard to get anywhere near to the dizzying heights of Vision’s glorious past leaders, and if it all goes tits up then I’ll get all the responsibility to go with it.

It seems that Britain’s greatest leaders are failing to provide reassuring solace for me.

However, with these great words scribbled down onto the nearest bit of scrap paper and

Katie JACOBS

deputy.editor@vision.york.ac.uk So, it seems that I am getting older. Not wiser mind you, only older. I rarely go out these days, the sticky floors of Toffs are but a distant, hazy memory (they were always rather hazy the morning after anyway to be fair, but that’s beside the point). I’ve started to think about The Future, and not just whether or not I can be arsed to go to the library tomorrow, but the big, scary, capitalised Future.

I’ve turned into the kind of person who soaks pulses overnight in order to have a nutritious meal the next day.

I may well start smoking a pipe; I can’t help but think it would suit me. And woe betide any poor young fresher who happens to cross my grumpy, achy, nostalgia ridden path. A day just isn’t complete without chewing a frozen (with terror, mind) first year’s ear off about how much better it was in my day when Ikon and Diva still existed and one didn’t need a sod-

filed away for careful consideration at a later time, I thought about widening my search for inspiration.

Abraham Lincoln came up with “You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today” and Thomas Jefferson’s inspiration amounted to “Don’t talk about what you have done or what you are going to do”. Still pretty gloomy reading then, as I’m at this moment talking about what I am going to do, as Jefferson warns to avoid, and am ignoring Lincoln’s advice and escaping responsibility by wasting time searching websites for inspirational quotes. Bugger.

I realised that the problem was these quotes were hard to put into a journalistic context, so when a friend recommended I read Piers Morgan’s ‘The Insider’, I jumped at the chance, expecting it to be an invaluable insight into life as an editor and bursting at the seams with all sorts of good advice. For all who don’t know who Piers Morgan is, he was made editor of The News of the World aged only 28. He soon found himself thrown into a world of indiscreet din-

ners, private meetings and gossipy lunches with the rich and famous.

In fact, his diaries are those of true insider and the cast of famous characters is endless. The diaries also reveal that Morgan regularly goes on benders and then abuses people, and quite regularly is unable to do his job properly because of his hangovers - just like being a

"Morgan regularly goes on benders and then abuses people, and quite regularly is unable to do his job properly because of his hangovers - just like being a student then." student then. Now this was better reading for me - celebrity meetings, dirty gossip and private lives being made extremely public. But when I compared his account with my celebrity meetings as editor so far, it was pretty dismal in comparison.

The most famous celebrity I’ve met in York is one of the college chairs, and that’s only because I live with them.

Morgan’s own inspiration came from a postcard from his mother he kept on his desk. It shows a hippo flying with a flock of seagulls and the caption, “Ambition knows no bounds”. Undoubtedly the best

source of inspiration so far. But reading further into Morgan’s diaries was also quite disheartening, in that he does tell us a lot about the times he got it wrong, the things he cocked up, accumulating in him being sacked as editor of the Daily Mirror because he published fake pictures of British soldiers abusing Iraqi troops. Now I’m not thinking that I’d get anywhere near information as privy as that, but it was definitely something worth bearing in mind.

As for my search for inspiration, where does all this leave me?

I haven’t got any solid inspiration from our best British leaders, barely any from the American greats and even the story of one of the most outstanding national newspaper editors in the past few decades has unsettled me.

With this utterly surreal search for inspiration behind me, I guess the only person to turn to should be an utter surrealist. and whom better than the late great artist, Salvador Dalí, who simply says, “At the age of 6 years I wanted to be a chef. At the age of 7 I wanted to be Napoleon. My ambitions have continued to grow at the same rate ever since.” I’m 21 years old and I merely want to be a great newspaper editor, so who knows what I’ll want to be next year. Perhaps I’ll have been a successful editor and will have ambition to be the next Piers Morgan - and with all these inspirational words behind me, why not?

Baby Talk ding NUS extra to get into Toffs for under £4. And to think, they only wanted to know where Computer Services were.

This getting old, or growing up as it is commonly known, has manifested itself in a most peculiar and frankly alarming manner: I want a baby. That’s right dear readers, this writer who has never been afraid to call herself a feminist, and who doesn’t even like children that much (having been known to surreptiously kick them in the street if they get in her way), has been becoming increasingly broody. Sitting in my natural habitat, the pub, the other day, discussing this surprising turn of events, my friends were quick to try and snap me out of my rosy-eyed vision of motherhood involving a brood of impeccably behaved, curly haired (I will not love a straight haired child) little angels.

The simple fact that I am most often to be found with a pint in one hand and a fag in the other (of the cigarette variety I hasten to add, although neither of them would be particularly conducive towards pregnancy), and that my usual speech is so littered with expletives and pure filth that any mini-Jacobs would probably be diagnosed with Tourettes the minute it opened its mouth, were cited by many. And apparently my argument of, “But if I were to have a baby, then I’m

sure I’d give up all my bad habits, so really everyone’s a winner” was deemed to be “selfish”.

Before going any further, and before Vision’s male readership start to bolt in the other direction whenever they see me coming, I would like to point out that despite my raging hormones, I do not want a baby for a good ten years, but it’s the sheer suddenness of my desire to have children one day that has got me scared. I’ve changed, seemingly overnight, from someone who was sure they never ever wanted kids, what with the pain, the commitment, the lack of freedom, the possibility of being chained to the oven with babies strapped to my ankles, to potential mother of the year.

As a child, I was never one of the girls who played tenderly with baby dolls or fantasised about baby names, and as recently as a year ago I drunkenly scoffed at a taxi driver who suggested that, at age 20, my biological clock was soon to start ticking, accompanied by an explanatory "tick tock, tick tock" (and when a taxi driver starts discussing your uterus, surely it's going beyond the realms of small talk?). I just never found the idea of motherhood appealing.

Until now it seems. This desire reached its crux recently when our illustrious food and drink editor wistfully used the phrase, “I really want a son”, and it took all my self control not to demand he take me

right then and there. It seems that if any man expresses an interest in at some point having children, I begin to find them strangely, irresistibly attractive, even if I have never considered them 'in that way' before. Of course, I realise that the reality of having a child would be very different to how I imagine it (mainly dressing a pretty little girl

"When a taxi driver starts discussing your uterus, surely it's going beyond the realms of small talk?" up in adorable outfits and taking her on daytrips), and nothing at all like the Persil/Petit Filous/Fairy adverts in which a delightful tiny scamp gets into all sorts of scrapes while mummy dearest looks on with a misty (lobotomised?) look in her eyes.

I am definitely not up for the sleepless nights, the nappy changing, the constant demands on my attention, the baby weight, so don’t start buying me Mothercare vouchers quite yet. Just don’t be surprised when I buy a kitten to lavish my mistimed maternal urges on.

Nominated for Guardian student columnist of the year In keeping with the rest of the third year students, I have been recently engaged in the task of hunting down whatever it is that’s going to happen to the rest of my life. Mostly, this involves some sort of money-making spree (a.k.a. a career), but I have also noticed the sneaky ways in which many members of my acquaintance manage to make Life Decisions: they choose one thing and revolve the rest of existence’s happenings around it. For example: a boy or girlfriend. A friend of this kind is a legitimate life strategy and, bizarrely, an acceptable excuse to the usefulness monitors – mothers – of this world. Leaving university with a relationship to show for that 10k of debt is an achievement akin to a high 2:1.

Another adequate plan involves a city. ‘I’m going to London’ is the new causal maxim of graduates, the implied consequence of this being that something’s definitely going to happen in London.

It’s surprising how vulnerable relationshipless, cityless people are to graduate recruitment schemes. They become convinced that an adult cannot survive on less than £23,000 a year, and that all rounded human beings must have an extensive grasp of economics, and that it’s not that bad getting up at six and home at nine. Teams of button-bright brainwashers show up and buttress these dangerous lies with evangelistic promises of perks and rapid promotion. Work for us, and you won’t be really working, you’ll instead be having insane amounts of fun in our exciting hub of money-making activity, the main target of which is to use the word ‘proactive’ more than ten times a day! Each!

What they do not reveal is that their free toasted sandwich makers/ instant polaroid cameras/ emblazoned umbrellas come in fact at a price. ‘Stickers for your soul!’ would be a fitting slogan.

Yet it appears from the faces of those who got through the aptitude round – e.g.: ‘do you see this picture as a) mouldy vomit, or b) your mum’ – there is something relieving about their sort of good job, something liberating. Free love, fast-stream, man.

There are other things to do.

Flying’s a nice one. You could train to be a pilot for a bit, and then be the default guy who sits in the inferior half of the cockpit in case the real pilot gets bitten by a snake. Job description: look at the stars, read your book, press buttons with things like ‘Take Off ’ and ‘Tea’ on them. Or, if your vertigo’s more powerful than your vision, you could lead group therapy sessions. I’d do this myself if I thought my motives were pure, but I have a guilty suspicion that the exhileration I feel at the idea of a roomful of the insides of other peoples’ minds is not derivative of altruism, but curiosity. So I protect the public and sacrifice my desires, like a reformed flasher.

YORK VISION

FEATURES

Tuesday March 13, 2007

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12 FEATURES

It's difficult of course being in Blair's position with people plotting against you

LIFE AFTER CANCER Ben Matthews speaks to the students who have overcome much more than their A Levels for a chance to study at university However that made no difference, and he soon found out that lung cancer is not selective in its victims - it is in fact, as Terry himself calls it, an “Equal Opportunities” disease. A month later Terry underwent an operation to remove his left lung. While under the knife it was discovered that his tumour was smaller than the doctors had first thought, so the surgeon only took half of it away. Further test’s proved his cancer to be less aggressive so giving him a better chance of survival than first thought.

Terry is currently a student at Liverpool Community college where he’s taking a degree-level diploma course in Counselling and Psychotherapy. He does everything a normal student does, including, as Terry himself says, “getting ratted after submitting every assignment”. But the fact that he has had cancer seems to affect the other students rather than him.

DEGREE SWAP

YORK PLC Is Money, Money, Money more important than Education, Education...

life went on without you, and that time is lost. “ Indeed, coming through cancer often makes its survivors even more determined to succeed and make up for lost time. Joe is another cancer survivor living life to the full following treatment. “As I write this I have just returned from a week’s skiing in Switzerland. I race cars semi-professionally and work in the automotive industry selling cars. Post-treatment, not a lot has changed in my ability to do things. I was at Oxford Brookes University, but I guess my priorities have changed and with only 12 hours of lectures a week I decided that I could be doing more constructive things with my time. All of a sudden it seems a bit more precious.”

CENTRES

History takes on Physics. Will lie-ins be a thing of the past?

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For many people, the perception they have of cancer is that it is a killer

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Photo by Irina Souiki

“I think there is a curiosity element to this,” he says. “For many people the perception they have of cancer is that it is a killer. For them to find someone who as been down that road and who is willing to talk about it (to any degree) then it allows them to ask the questions that they would like answers to surrounding the disease.”

Eva, another miracle survivor of cancer, certainly isn't afraid to talk about her illness. She insists that this article should be about what the new generation of cancer survivors, those who will stay healthy. “People should see that those who’ve had cancer can cope like any other “normal” person with everyday things like uni, the gym, friends, drinking coffee, parttime jobs. I was diagnosed with cancer at 13, when you are supposed to find yourself, and as if puberty wasn’t scary enough with all it’s changes I got cancer and everything changed dramatically. I didn’t recognise myself in the mirror and I refused to look in one for over a year.

It’s a common fact that people who have been gravely sick have trouble with asking for help after recovery, even though they may be in need professional help.

“Everybody needs their own time to heal,” Eva points out. “Even new friends who didn’t know me when I was ill, and who are unable to picture me ill, need to sit down, talk about that time, and understand and “accept” it. And of course, everyone is reminded about their own venerable self - it’s so easy to think “it won’t happen to me”, but then you suddenly realise that it could.”

Eva is obviously a very friendly and sociable person, and doesn’t let her past illness affect her social life. But at the time of her illness, things were different. “Friends suddenly seem far away, and unable to understand what you’re going through, even though they really want to try. And then you get new friends, with cancer, and then they die. You suddenly feel a lot older.

But as the same time, you feel like you’ve lost time, that your healthy friends have done so much more.

While you were lying in hospital

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T

erry Kavanagh breathes hard as he works the punch bag, pounding hit after hit against the solid mass in front of him.

After a particularly tough punch that sends the bag swinging wildly, he pauses and in between breaths manages to snatch a few words.

“I don’t spar any more, but I go through the motions of shadow boxing and bag punching, which keeps me ticking over.”

It is, however, little short of a miracle that Terry is ticking over at all. One New Year's Day morning, Terry’s life changed when he coughed up a copious amount of blood - blood so thick that he could pick it up with his bare hands.

Taking himself off to hospital, Terry completed numerous tests and was diagnosed with lung cancer. He was told that he would be fortunate to survive 3 months.

Terry had always kept himself fit and had never smoked in his life.

Joe may have left university, but he talks of his future plans as optimistically as any student on the verge of graduating. “In the future I guess one day I’d like to have a family. But until then I want to live life to the full - race cars, ski, surf, travel, etc. My overall ambition is to race and win Le Mans. I never thought cancer would happen to me, but it did. There is no point in worrying about it, but I think awareness is very important.

There is a difference between being aware and being worried.”

Yet even after finishing treatment, teens can struggle with personal and professional issues that are currently inadequately addressed. There is a lack of ongo-

ing support from the NHS and other services once treatment is finished and there can be difficulty pursuing a chosen career because they are considered a health risk.

Teenagers need support beyond treatment, and general awareness of the issues they face, to help them move forward, and perhaps the best way for this to happen is from the support of bodies such as the TCT and people who have gone through a similar experience and survived, people like Eva, Joe and Terry.

One of the remarkable aspects of all these survivor’s stories is the effort they have all put back into helping others who have or have had cancer. Terry has become a voluntary support worker at the Macmillan Cancer Information Centre in Liverpool, helped to form the Liverpool Lung Cancer Patients Support Group of which he was the chairman, and has raised over £200,000 for the Roy Castle Foundation, Leukaemia research, and various children’s cancer charities. Eva regularly lectures to trainee medics and has written numerous articles for newspapers and magazines, as well as being interviewed on national radio and taking part in activity weeks for children with cancer.

“I’d like to think that in some ways through my voluntary work I’ve made a life for myself from having lung cancer,” says Terry.

“I also see it as one of the most profound and positive events of my life. What I mean is that, when I see it in its contribution I see the doors which have opened, the depths of insights I’ve gained, the friends I’ve made, and seeing answers in it that may have been elusive before.”

And as he finishes his workout at the gym and goes off for a well earned shower, Terry, and all the other cancer survivors I spoke to, certainly seem to have made a life for themselves after having cancer.

Whether it is through their successful careers, their ambitions, or their outlook on life, they all are inspiring people and making up for the time that they feel is owed to them.

MEDIEVAL SOC! You can't beat a bit of leather. Inside View battles it out!

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14 FEATURES

YORK VISION

TELLING FIBS

inside view

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#4 Medieval Re-enactment

INTERVIEW :

Tim Hornsby, Fibbers owner and local legend talks to Dan Smith about being at the forefront of the music scene

hether you love or loathe the raffish charm of Fibbers and its claustrophobic appeal, there’s no denying that York’s premier alternative music venue is an integral piece of the local music jigsaw. Although renowned for its bizarre games machines and the fact it’s based underneath the local Jobcentre Plus, York’s near-legendary Barfly is now 15 years old and has witnessed well over 5000 gigs of various genres and talents, nurturing the likes of Coldplay and Franz

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Without the small venue circuit , there would be no local music scene

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Ferdinand through their growing pains and welcoming indie legends such as Graham Coxon, The Fall and Shed Seven to play in front of sell out crowds.

Tim Hornsby - the venue’s cofounder and proprietor - is clearly

delighted with the rich and varied history Fibbers has enjoyed: "It’s been a labour of love for myself and Michelle [Hodgen - Fibbers coowner] for so long now. We’ve been to hell and back keeping the place open but it’s a great feeling seeing the look of wonder on people’s faces when they’re close up to a particularly huge band they would never expect to see in a 200 capacity venue. One day I’ll write a book!"

Although renowned for its ability to attract large acts for special oneoff shows, Fibbers is held in high esteem for its commitment to new talent and unsigned local groups.

Although many bands playing Fibbers are well-established, the venue’s support slots are largely filled with promising local produce.

For Tim, this ongoing crusade in support of the local music scene is vital: "Without the small venue circuit, there would be no local scene full stop. New groups need somewhere to play and Fibbers is seen as somewhere bands need to have on their CV to progress onto bigger things. It’s important that musicians have something to aspire to."

Whereas most small venues deal in endless Oasis wannabes and unoriginal covers bands, Fibbers has an outstanding record when it comes to spotting million sellers early on. The past few years have seen the likes of Stereophonics, KT Tunstall and Arctic Monkeys pass through York before heading on to sell-out stadium tours

Lowground at Fibbers and wider international success.

"Watching young bands progress is always particularly satisfying," smiles Tim, whose favourite gigs over the last fifteen years have included early appearances from Editors, Keane and The Electric Soft Parade. However, regardless of its respected status and growing success, Tim has no plans to expand or relocate the venue to attract bigger bands and audiences in the near future: "It’s hard enough getting 200 people through the door most nights, never mind any more!"

Photo by Paul Kelly So, what can we expect from the Barfly in the near future? "Gigs, gigs and more gigs" says Tim, "with the very best established and up and coming acts, as per usual. We’re also looking towards different club nights midweek and hopefully more afternoon school holiday shows but with much bigger name bands." In a music world swamped by commerciality and dominated by over-exposed pop stars and hyped-to-death rock acts, York Fibbers offers a refreshingly alternative approach and, with its cult status already assured, looks set for an even brighter future.

EXIT STAGE LEFT INTERVIEW :

M

enzies Campbell or Tony Blair? It’s a difficult one.

“No its not, its neither.”

Fresh out of a talk on social justice, I’m inclined to forgive myself for accusing Iain Duncan Smith of liberal sensibilities. He has just wowed a surprisingly packed V/045 with the face of ‘nice’ conservatism.

A dissident on the back row sparked up with a question I’m sadly not able to claim as my own.

Iain Withers talks to the ousted Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith

‘You have had some good things to say on issues such as drugs and family breakdown. Why on earth, then, are you a Conservative?!?’

As the Conservatives dust down their cobweb-encrusted smiles and try to save the poor, the margins between the three main parties seem to tighten yet again.

It would be misleading to say that his ideas were not conservative however. Peering up from the streets of Garrowhill in Glasgow, the solutions IDS suggest to coun-

[Iain Duncan Smith, not in shades]

Photo by Tom Hole

ter drug abuse and family breakdowns are inherently conservative, espousing the virtues of the traditional family, and the ideal of moving responsibility from the government to a society with a better sense of ‘duty’.

He claims that he tried to change the ethos of the party when he was its leader four years ago.

“Our party wasn’t really ready for all that then to be honest,” he claims.

I suggest that he and William Hague had a bit of a poisoned chalice to deal with, given the extent of the party’s general election defeats in 1997 and 2001.

“It was very difficult,” he says.

“There were too many internal rows and battles. The internal rows had to stop after the last election.

We knew we had to regroup and step back in line in order to challenge again.”

Surely IDS can empathise with Blair’s position as someone who has been at the head of a party that has been incessantly plotting against him?

“It is difficult in that position.

The difference for him is that he is Prime Minister right now. He wields power and authority in a way that no opposition leader could. I didn’t have any power of patronage. The only thing you can offer as an opposition leader is jobs with long hours that and hard work that have no publicity and none of the status that comes with being

a government minister. Blair has made it more difficult for himself by saying he was going so early on. It’s a lesson to anyone that you shouldn’t announce your departure too soon.”

Does he feel he shot his own leadership position in the foot when he infamously described himself as the ‘quiet man’ at party conference?

“No not really. I was just reflecting on the fact that the people who do the work in society - who achieve things and get things done - are always everywhere the ones who don’t shout about it and get on and do it.”

With a fresh faced Cameron as the new leader of the party, I ask him what one thing really sets his party apart from Labour and the Liberal Democrats.

“I think we recognise more than anybody else that governments more often than not simply cannot solve the problems for people on the ground in the way that people and communities themselves can solve them. A key element of conservative policy must be returning power and control to them. People want control; they don’t want to be overregulated by some target or dictat.”

No doubt the compulsive, obsessive Gordon Brown will give the Conservative’s decentralised vision a starker point of contrast later this year.

Tuesday March 13, 2007

Finally, after hundreds of requests, I have succumbed and been to check out the medieval re-enactment society. Put off by the rare glimpses one has around campus of odd figures in medieval garb, off to ‘fight battles’, I was reluctant to enter such a world. But there is nothing like an assessed essay to propel one into procrastinating action and, feeling that Toffs might be too working, but the society does have much more to offer if you are interested in the medieval world. Medieval dance, garment making, music, cookery, craftwork and of course, fighting, and I suspect much more.

The workshop was in Wentworth, and was slightly late due to a meeting which had over-run.

I will admit that I was slightly embarrassed to be seen with the medieval re-enactment society when the meeting dispersed, and was on the receiving end of some scornful looks…and some comments such as “that doesn’t look like the OTC”. I am still completely confused about what they could have been referring to there, but the society does adhere to some of its stereotypes and the members clearly have an earnest interest in the medieval world. I was questioned as to what exact area and period of the middle ages I was interested in, which threw me completely. I was able only to answer vaguely, “um, well, you know, all of it”, which I fear may have given me away ever so slightly.

The workshop was very similar to when you visited castles on school trips, and were confronted by people in period clothing, showing you ‘how they lived’. Except crucially, the man who ran it was in a suit (straight from work) and we were allowed to use the tools ourselves, and (my personal highpoint of the evening) to see what beeswax actually looks like. It was fairly interesting, and for the society members, I am sure, a completely practical exercise, as it was to be followed up by a workshop involving making leather things.

Affiliated with the Society for Creative Anachronism, an international re-enactment organisation, it is an extremely organised and comprehensive society for those interested in the middle ages, and their activities do have a historical basis.

For example, their dances follow the earliest handbook surviving from the medieval world, which is pretty cool. Though not really my kind of thing, if you are interested in fighting battles, or being a damsel (possibly in distress) in medieval garb, or making your own leather goods, contact medieval@yusu.org.

They are very welcoming to potential members. HW

inside report inclusive/cliquey active/sedate

YORK VISION

FEATURES

DEGREESWAP

Tuesday March 13, 2007

15

Tom Sheldrick and Oliver Warne clamber over the proverbial academic fence to see which side of the Arts - Science divide yields the greener, cushier grass

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’m sure you have at some point witnessed the Channel 4 television brilliance of Wife Swap.

Perhaps not quite daytime enough for University of York students, especially History slackers like myself. Anyway, suitably inspired by several hours of watching your

trade the hustle and bustle of a Physics and Philosophy degree for the laid-back lifestyle of a History student, for one week only. A week of midday lie-ins and library dawdling lay ahead for Oliver.

F requent

typical suburban families ‘learn important lessons about themselves’ whilst trading housewives, arguments aplenty of course, we decided to get in on the act. A Degree Swap. I finally managed to persuade my fellow first-year and Fairfax resident Oliver Warne to

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and thetas, and perhaps slightly more accessible fields, vectors and charges. Despite the lecturer’s best attempts to simplify things with a “wobbly surface” and a milk carton prop, I didn’t understand a word.

Gauss’ Law unfortunately remains a mystery.

Fully aware of my status as a smug student of the arts, I expected my new Physics friends to conform to stereotype, perceptions held after surveying their mug

You'd think enduring hours of incomprehensible Physics was punishment enough

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Highlights included comparing Plato with Hitler and Tony Blair

ences and my beloved arts diverge so enormously. There’s very little which a historian can do to be labelled as wrong, a luxury not afforded to the scientists.

Running to my Philosophy lecture was a matter of course with this timetable, rather than a sign of my usual shocking time management which means I can regularly be seen sprinting past Costcutter.

Both on arriving at a distant part of Derwent to proclaim “they look like Philosophy students, they’ve got notepads” and on viewing the flamboyantly dressed girl seated to my left, my ideas of the stereotypical Philosophy student were quite spectacularly confirmed. One Adidas trainer was red, the other white, both decorated with mud, her carefree image completed with a pink streak in jet-black hair. Do these kids do even less work than us?

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shots on the noticeboards. As it turned out, I was quite refreshingly disappointed. The sights and sounds of a typical History lecture were mirrored: a vibrating mobile at the rear prompting me to spy the snoozing Iron Maiden t-shirted back-rower. Indeed, whilst 1980’s metal t-shirts appeared to be the norm for those confused males with straggly unwashed shoulder-length hair reminiscent of ‘the beast’ from Beauty and the Beast (before transformation), the guy to my left whispering dissent in the lecturer’s direction wore a Calvin Klein polo shirt. Even more impressive than the designer threads of my History seminar chums.

When possibly the most mindnumbing hour of my life finally drew to a dramatic climax with a “note of triumph” (the lecturer’s words, not mine), I was surprised on release to find my fellow Physicians chatting outside, seemingly bonded by their communal suffering. Me, I practically ran to the safe haven of the library.

You’d think enduring hours of incomprehensible Physics was punishment enough. But, Thursday morning and I was off to a Maths lecture, topping up my GCSE skills. Drawing my first graph since Year 11, the concept of Double Integrals, I’m sure very important for the Physician, was lost on me. However, in the mood for the Philosophy lecture which was to follow, I picked up on the lecturer’s pronouncement: “If you get anything different from that, you’re probably wrong.” Here’s where the sci-

to wear thick-rimmed glasses to be admitted to the Physics department? More importantly still, could anyone do a history degree whilst working a full-time job (and, if possible, watching Neighbours twice a day)?

history

PHYSICS AND PHILOSOPHY

was tempted to use a diary-style day-by-day format, for reasons of attractiveness and to highlight the disparity between our workloads, until the plan was somewhat thwarted by the fact neither of us do anything on a Monday.

First stop then, electromagnetism on Tuesday morning, and my first notable achievements of the week.

I managed to make it to both breakfast and to PL002 in time to survey the steep-sided lecture theatre, very 1960’s chalk blackboard, and most eye-catching, two back row students sporting German military hats, alongside a distinct shortage of spectacles, before the action got underway.

Ten minutes in, and I was transformed into a world of phis, sigmas

attendance to both breakfast, and the daunting PX and PL lecture theatres, perhaps even for three hours without stopping, awaited me.

Of course, the Wife Swap imitation wouldn’t be complete without some important questions of our own. Firstly, is it true that you have

The subject was far more comforting: totalitarianism, directly relevant to history. Particular highlights included comparisons of Plato with Hitler and Tony Blair, whilst the trendy lecturer also quoted from a not-so-famous historian who appeared in A-Level history. (The fashionable and vaguely impressive historical thing to do here would be to name-drop and say Hannah Arendt).

Aside from a dramatic cut in what I consider to be muchdeserved free time, and the beginnings of chronic sleep deprivation, I feel rewarded and really rather satisfied with my week’s work. Guilty, certainly, in assuming such exaggerated impressions of students not so dissimilar from myself, but mainly due to the ease of my workload. So, a new leaf I feel: work harder, and make more of my spare time.

Who am I kidding? They’ve got Roald Dahl in the library you know!

Tom Sheldrick

Photos by Tom Hole

H

istory is a subject I have always been interested in.

So is getting up after dark, so the prospect of both of these mixed with copious amounts of time spent in the library, a place I frequent less than often, filled me with a sense of wonder and anticipation.

The first lecture I went to was in a packed Langwith lecture hall, a place I had only ever been to once before in all honesty. The surprising thing for me was just how many people were there. Far away from Planck’s constant and any thought of Einstein’s postulates of special relativity, I was thrown headfirst into a world of Humanism, Reformation and Renaissance. The next big surprise came with not only the speed of the lecture but also the variety of material covered. One minute the lecturer is explaining the attitudes of the Renaissance and the next I am struggling to spell Machiavelli, a name I still wrestle with to this day. I was especially happy to hear a mention of William Byrd and Thomas Tallis, two composers that have a special place in my heart.

Another revelation was the many things that came up in just one lecture related to both Physics and Philosophy. Admittedly it was a lecture about the age of enlightenment and revival of classical ideas, but there was a significant amount of material about the things I would be studying once I returned to the realms of calculus and Plato.

Following the lecture, the library beckoned. I do not visit the library often; I find its white walls and enormous amount of books intimidating. However I have learnt that for a history student there is always reading to be done, not that much of it gets done with the huge amount of procrastination material available.

It has also come to my attention that the amount of work you

have, and the amount of work you do, are not related in any way. A scientist’s abundance of lectures inevitably results in a great deal of work. Conversely, if you have about six hours a week you tend to miss half and still end up being late for the other half. Perhaps this is due to our imperative mid-morning discussions concerning such intellectual topics as Jeremy Kyle’s shirt or why Sky and Stingray ever got together in the first place.

Having been to the lectures and read the material (or at least scanned over the first article in the unnecessarily large reading pack) it was time to attend a seminar.

Having done Philosophy for a term and a half I was no stranger to the seminar, a room of about fifteen people all wishing they were watching Richard and Judy but instead listening vaguely as one guy in the corner goes on about the effects of the Platonic system of justice and the effects this view has on the modern world, including, but not limited to, Soviet Russia. This seminar was no different except replacing the Plato with the Machiavellian discourse on the North European critique of justice and conspicuous consumption and other wonders.

After a week of living and breathing the lifestyle of a history ‘student’, I still had to hand in my weekly problem questions. My mind quickly returned to a state of integrating everything and wishing I knew how to make Maple do all the things it says it can.

All in all I experienced a week of work, albeit different to the equations I’m used to, but I can now tell you that Rice and Grafter emphasise that the teaching of the humanities was the most important movement of the Renaissance.

And not a lot of people know that.

Oliver Warne

16 FEATURES

HES ROAD HORRORS Heslington Road, the main student thoroughfare of York, is home to more drama than the average episode of Eastenders.

Fact. We’ve got our own Vic, the grocers and more attempted armed robberies than you’d find anywhere in the streets of Johannesburg or the Bronx of New York. It’s a dangerous wilderness out there, and Vision is here to expose it.

An alarming trend appears to have surfaced at both ends of Heslington Road; this trend has been described as ‘Cinderella Syndrome’ and in short involves the loss of a single shoe at some point along the road.

Walking home the other night a single white mule (that was very slipper like) was spotted by the Victoria pub. Later the same night an equally displaced black sparkly ballet pump was seen at the Heslington Road entrance to campus. This phenomenon has led some to speculate that a strange phantasmic trance is leaving young women overwrought and shoeless on their way home. Vision frankly thinks that is a proposterous and can only conclude another more sinister element lurks on Hes Road - none other than a shoe-fetishist. As both shoes were the left shoe it seems possible that the fetishist is taking home his trophy of a right-foot shoe. If you have lost a shoe recently please contact the Vision office who will be able to reunite you with the shoe, offer assistance and counselling to those affected and perhaps get to the bottom of what is afoot.

Fetishes aside, crime has once again hit Hes Road. On Friday night, a student was spotted lurking in the grounds of Fairfax and stealing a signpost in a so-called ‘prank’. This reprobate apparently caused a great amount of consternation on the first Saturday morning tour on campus as an inexperienced Student Ambassador led the potential students into the wilds of Heslington following the misplaced sign.

Also misplaced this week was a horse seen trotting menacingly down towards the Spar.

Despite idiotic suggestions that he was off for some apples and a bag of sugar, the residents of Hes Road were once again in real danger from loose animals.

Although the horse was eventually rounded up a frightened student reported that she had been given ‘a funny look’ by the horse. What with peacocks, horses and foxes running amok a neighbourhood watch meeting is liable to be called shortly.

Seen any horrifying happenings down Heslington Road?

We want to hear from you! hesroadhorrors@hotmail.co.uk

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

BREAK THE CHAINS Hannah Wallace asks whether the world has really seen the last of the slave trade

O

n the 25th March 2007, Britain will celebrate the 200th anniversary of the abolition of the transatlantic slave trade. Back in the 1800s, William Wilberforce was compelled to act after the shocking realisation that the slave trade had become the backbone of Britain’s economy.

Thanks to his passion and that of other activists, the slave trade has long since been illegalised.

This is a familiar story that we will no doubt hear frequently over the coming weeks. What our peace loving politicians will not broadcast though, is the fact that in 2007 slavery exists in every continent. In Wilberforce’s day there were 4 million slaves.

Today there are more than 12 million.

The deplorable scale of the p r o b l e m is just beginning to be uncovered in the public d o m a i n , t h a n k s to leading organisations including ‘Antislavery’ and ‘Stop the Traffik’.

The latter focuses particularly on raising awareness of human trafficking, which according to the UN office on drugs and crime is the fastest growing form of international crime, in which over 2 million people are trafficked each year. Unicef estimates that up to 1.2 million of these are children.

Trafficking refers to the transport of human beings with the purpose of forcing or trading them into labour. Bonded labour is one of the most common forms of trafficking.

People are tricked into accepting a loan, for example to obtain medical care, and then become ‘bonded’ to their donor until they can pay back the loan under harsh labour, or prostitution. In other cases, people are promised job prospects abroad, only to find themselves enslaved in work camps and their passports taken away.

The Stop the Traffik website brings to light such harrowing case studies as that of Carol, a Zimbabwean girl of 16, who was orphaned and staying with her grandparents.

Two men approached her with the promise of a good job. Enticed by the prospect of being able to support her grandparents, Carol went with them. The men raped her, drugged her, put her in a coffin and transported her to South Africa where she was forced into prostitution.

After being transported to Mozambique she escaped and is now in care.

She now lives with HIV, and has been rejected by her family.

Families in different cultures are something that seem very difficult for us to understand.

It is not uncommon in some parts of the world for girls to be sold into marriage by their parents from a young age.

T h e s e ‘relationships’ are often highly abusive, as the husbands profit from selling out their wives to other men or forcing them to do hard labour work in agricultural or factory situations.

Devastatingly, it is children that end up in some of the worst forms of forced labour, including being made into child soldiers.

Unicef estimates that there are

300,000 child soldiers aged 5-17 worldwide. Children are thought to be well suited to this work as they are unlikely to question orders and will take

Buy a 'freedom key' to raise awareness

Sign the declaration on the stop the traffik site www. stopthetraffik.org

extreme risks.

Dangerous jobs include mine detecting and acting as spies and messengers, not to mention actually

fighting.

The Lord’s Resistance Army in Uganda is one of the most terrifying well-known examples of children being used in combat.

Children conscripted by the rebel group are forced to commit atrocities against other human beings. They have no idea what they are fighting for, they just know that if they do not obey, they will be killed, or worse.

In recent years, much awareness has been raised as to exploitive labour, leading to an increase in production and sales of fair trade goods. However, it is important to realise that people who employed in sweatshops are not technically slaves, because they are free to go at the end of the day. Slaves are often paid nothing, and are not free to walk away. Whilst fair trade can help ensure a better standard of living for many people, slavery remains an underground problem that needs to be exposed and addressed by those with the power to do so.

Commit to buying only fair trade chocolate over the easter period

Why Don't You Do Something!

So what is being done about it?

Actually, quite a lot. Stop the Traffik are committed to giving these issues political attention as well as setting up projects in countries around the world for the protection, rescue and rehabilitation of victims of trafficking. There are some big events being planned for Freedom Day (March 25th). A 200 mile protest march is taking place between Hull and Westminster from March 1st-24th, one mile for every year since the slavery abolition bill was passed. Museums throughout the country will be celebrating the anniversary, but look out for ones that also highlight the issues of modern slavery.

St Paul’s Cathedral in partnership with Amnesty International will present a photograph exhibition examining human trafficking in the UK today. This is running from 21st Feb-29th March. More locally, York Minster will also host a photo display, and the ‘Unfair Trade’ exhibition at the Castle Museum looks promising. In Hull, the birthplace of Wilberforce, an entire organisation has been set up to organise 34 weeks of events starting in fair trade fortnight in March. Check out www.wilberforce2007.com. Even the arts are doing their fair share of promotion; look out for ‘African Snow’ at the York Theatre Royal from 30 March-21 April. If you’re not in York over Easter, then the film ‘Amazing Grace’, telling the story of Wilberforce, will premiere in cinemas throughout the UK on March 22nd. These are all great ways to get inspired, but ultimately if inspiration doesn’t lead to action then there is no point. 12 million people can do absolutely nothing to get themselves out of their living nightmares, but we can. So this Easter get inspired, and get proactive…

www.stopthetraffik.org

Villages in rural china have been decimated by trafficking. This man’s wife was trafficked, leaving him to care for his young daughter whom he fears will be vulnerable to trafficking when she is older.

The village this man lives in has very few women left because of trafficking.

Families who have been deported from DR to Haiti share sparse accommodation. Villagers are rounded up off the street or at work and are not allowed to go back to get their families or even tell them what has happened to them.

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

17

LIFESTYLE

V

Tuesday March 13, 2007

>FOOD

>DRINK

>STYLE

>TRAVEL

P MP MY Dress!

A surprising university essential is an evening dress, but how to avoid wearing yet another L.B.D , especially on a budget.? With the help of local dressmaker, Vision shows you how to restyle those old dresses and turn you into the belle of the ball...

BEFORE:

With the hem being quite low and the bust line quite high, and the whole dress being black you could quite easily be wearing a bin liner.

De-tachable straps, a good idea in theory, perhaps not so good when you have to reattach them every five minutes!

P18 SHO

ULD YOU BRI NG YOUR CA R TO UNI?

P19 STRESS BALLS AT THE READY!

Tacky, plastic belt cheapens the dress

The plain-ness of the dress means that all your lumos and bumps will be visible!

A little black dress may be an old favourite but it' s one for most girls!

Be prepared to see at least ten other people wearing a similar dress

No decoration at all - boring!

AFTER:

Sarah took the flimsy straps off and added a red netting sleeve, to add interest and exentuate the colours in the silk.

An apron effect was created with patterned silk. The bright colours would certaily make you stand out in the crowd!

The bustle adds glamour and originality to the dress.

The flowers which line the bustle and are added at the front are made from the patterned silk and coloured netting. They give the dress a feminine touch.

A sprinkling of sequins adds the final touch!

A petticoat was added underneath the dress to give added volume and create a more flattering shape.

Fancy having you dress pim ped?

Visit Sarah Ashton at Thimbelinas 73 Walmgate, 01904 610524 www.thimbelina.co.uk A 'pimping' would cost approx. ÂŁ50 and a tailor made evenig dress approx ÂŁ170. All consultations and drawings are free.

P20 LE E Y T S S TH K D GEE N I F IN ON C I CH ASHI F

P21

AND...

IS GUINNESS WORTH THE WAIT?

18 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

Mad about Motors

CAMPUS CAR CRAZE Georgie Laker sums up the pros and cons of owning a car at university...

T

here’s no better feeling than flying up the M1 in the car that you “borrowed” from your parents for the term. You can just see your friends struggling to get on and off trains (or even worse, the Megabus) with their huge luggage cases, whilst you have your whole wardrobe tucked neatly into the boot, and a few magazines, CDs and snacks on the back seat to make the journey go quicker. All you can think about is the masses of potential road trips you and your mates are going to have - surfing trips to Scarborough, shopping trips to Leeds, impromptu weekend visits to Newcastle where your best mate from back home now studies – you really are living life in the fast lane.

And once you actually get to campus, life with a car gets even better.

You become your housemates' best friend as you give them lifts to and from campus (only when you’re going, of course…) and even have the power to make them cook, clean, and do whatever else you’re dirty little mind has in store for them, in return for picking them up from the

library in the pouring rain.

Food shopping becomes a breeze.

No more waiting around for whole days for the Tescos van that always turns up right at the last minute of the appointed day. Just hop into your car at any time and hit the 24 hour superstore just a quick 5 minute drive away from campus. Peruse the aisles at your leisure, pop your 50 or so cans of baked beans and pot noodles into the trunk, and whisk yourself home without leaving the comfort of an air conditioned environment for less than a few minutes.

Whilst the rest of the sorry lot on your course are forced to struggle out of bed at 7am and traipse through the freezing Yorkshire morning, you get to hit the snooze button at least 5 times safe in the knowledge that you very own deluxe carriage is waiting outside to carry you off to the ball, or lecture, or whatever. And it won’t turn into a pumpkin at midnight, unless you own a bright orange Nissan Micra, in which case your car is already a pumpkin and you deserve your lot

in motoring life for even thinking that that paint job was a good colour for any car (other than a camper van).

So there you have it – what more reasons do you need? Bringing your car to uni seems to be the best choice you can make, especially when you consider the unimaginable levels of popularity that will open themselves up to you and that the stress of trying to find the right change for the FTR bus will become a distant memory.

But then a nagging doubt creeps into the back of your mind faster than the Mercedes SLK in the fast lane that flies past you. And sure enough, there are a whole host of problems that await you once you get your car to campus.

Firstly, parking on campus is absolutely ridiculous. Not only do you need to show more forms of ID to the university staff than an illegal immigrant does, but once you get a parking space, more often than not you'll get clamped anyway.

Secondly, if you're not actually riding one of the giant purple phal-

luses, otherwise known as the FTR, then it's sod's law that you're going to be stuck behind one for most of your journeys to and from campus.

Thirdly, your friends will get used to you having a car and as soon as your car-owning prowess comes into common knowledge, you'll spend the rest of your days with your mobile on silent and hiding away from public places as someone will inevitably ask you for a lift.

Every day.

Then there's the whole problem of being the designated driver. Fopr some unknown reason, you find yourself in the Nagshead sober as a turnip whilst everyone around you seems to have had their fair share of cheeky vimtos. But you persevere, thinking that you are the responsible one and must get your friends home at the end of the night. And then when you're driving your plastered friends home, they throw up their kebab all over your back seat.

To be honest, having a car on campus has its good and bad points, so i'll leave it to you drivers to decide what's best for yourselves.

igh-street labels were not the H only ones who got a chance to show off their latest products at

this year's Fusion, York's only urban fashion show.

Many local York businesses, including Expressions, Gash and Whistles, also benefited by displaying their latest garments to over 1500 hundred people over two nights.

Student designers Laura Archer, Imogen Willetts, Rina Nalumoso, Alex Donovan wowed the audience with their designs and ahve received interest form various parties about their costume making skills. The highly original designs perfectly colimented the designs of Hugo Boss and other high street labels An extra piece of flair was added to the event by the stunning corsets designed by third-year archeology student Jude Collins.

Another highlight of the show was the exotic hair stylings provided by 3D Hair and Beauty, based in the Shambles. With a 25% student discount (the highest in the city), 3D closed their salon and kindly gave their time to produce 65 amazingly artistic creations which enhanced the students beautiful costumes and helped the artists to feel and perform in such a way that the audience were transfixed.

3D also provides spray tanning, nail extensions, sun bed facilities and a full time beautician on sight to provide a full range of beauty services and give students a complete 3D beauty experience.

Society Stunner

20% OFF ALL SERVICES Name: Michelle Norfolk Name: Natalie Carter Name: Henry Smith Society: Cricket Club College: Alcuin College: Alcuin Year: 3rd Year: 3rd Year: 2nd Society: Fusion College: Halifax

Society: Men's Football

Could your Society Stunner sizzle in Vision?

Send any photos to life@vision.york.ac.uk

25% STUDENT DISCOUNT 15-19 The Shambles, York, Y01 7LZ 01904 623166 email: Hair3Dbeauty@aol.com

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday March 13, 2007

Cause for Di-Stress

Charlotte Chung explores why stress can cause more than just bitten nails and sweaty palms

T

he idea of trying to write an insightful and exciting article on the issue of stress seemed like it was going to be an arduous uphill struggle, requiring a lot of creative thinking.

The problem being that the issue of stress just does not seem to be an issue. In our fast pace lives run by modern technology, speedy communication and the go-getting life mantra that nothing is impossible or unachievable in this day and age, stress is seen to be part of the norm.

In fact, if you’re not stressed, you must be doing something wrong, or not doing something. This cannot be truer than at university.

The golden view of university life is one where sleep is irrelevant, opportunity is rife, and partying is an on going process…all this and you are also expected to get a shiny degree on top. It is not surprising therefore, that stress from exams is one of the biggest causes of stress on campus.

However, the issue of stress has become increasingly prominent in the last few years, stress is no longer just something that acts as a check to how anxious you are about certain events or something that sharpens your concentration in revision; it can turn into something that takes control over your life. Reports and surveys submitted by numerous universities have stated a significant rise in number of students experiencing severe levels of stress which is contributing to growing mental health problems.

This is partly due to there being a larger number of graduates than ever before, placing greater pressure on them to get a good degree, especially with crushing debt looming. Unable to find a way to cope, this has led to students dropping out from university and in extreme cases students committing suicide. In 2002, there were 625 reported cases of young people between the ages of 15 to 24 who had commited suicide.

Most students coming up to their exam times will develop some symptoms of stress: having trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, constant fatigue, daily headaches, bad skin , high perfectionism etc. However, most students don’t actually do anything to actively help reduce their stress levels. Ironically, many students claim they simply do not have the time to de-stress, or that they don’t think they is anything that will really help and they have accepted stress to be a part of their lives.

Although this attitude may be fine in most cases, and life goes on as usual, the dangers comes when students do not actually recognized that they are stressed and carry on with

when something is out of sync that it might be their bodies reacting to increased stress levels.

That is only the first step however, students then need to try and locate where the stress stems from, whether a build up such as is in the revision period, or whether it is triggered by anxiety and panic on the day of certain events, such as when you are sat in an exam. Then you can find strategies designed to help your particular type of stress.

The counseling service offers relaxation sessions which teach methods to deal with stress, particularly those surrounding exams. However, Lorraine stressed that these are not quick-fix techniques and they must

Unable to find a way to cope, this has led to students dropping out from university and in extreme cases students committing suicide their packed and hectic lifestyle. I have a perfect example of a friend who could never be found to be in one place for longer than a couple of hours, constantly on his feet, on the phone, eating a cheese baguette in one hand and writing emails with the other. He himself never thought he was under any sort of pressure and one day I ended up having to call an ambulance for him as he lay slumped on the floor of Vanbrugh cafeteria.

His body had simply had enough.

Speaking with Lorraine van Donk from the counseling service, she highlighted that one of the main problems concerning students and stress was that many simply don’t realize that they are stressed. And when they do, they simply dismiss it as something that will be on going and therefore, do not try anything to help. It is important that students listen to their bodies and recognize that

be practiced in order to train your body to pick up the cues to calm you down in panicky situations.

There is no one way to deal with stress; it requires some time and effort to cultivate a useful technique that works for your individual problem. Just because stress is a common problem and has become accepted as an everyday norm, does not mean that the problem of stress should be belittled or ignored.

Luckily, York university campus has a good network of services and bodies which are readily available to help, with its collegiate and welfare system, and having both the counseling service and health clinic on site, which probably contributes to York University’s low drop-out rate.

Showing that dealing with stress and creating better awareness of it should be a constant effort made by the whole student community.

Top tips to help beat stress

Carla Dobson gives us easy to follow top-tips on how to keep yourself in fighting form during exam times: Avoid high energy drinks such as Lucozade, unless you've been doing physical exercise they just give you a tempoary high

Breathing Apparently as adults we can forget to breathe properly, which can cause us to get up tight and stressed. Here is how to do it properly Place your hands on your stomach. This will let you know if you’re doing it correctly.

• Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, letting your stomach expand as much as possible. Hold for five to 10 seconds.

• Your chest, rib cage and shoulders should not move at all.

• Exhale slowly, through pursed lips. Feel your stomach deflate.

• When you’ve exhaled fully, begin the cycle again.

Eat Almonds Put those sweets away and munch on soime almonds!They’re packed with vitamin B2 (riboflavin), vitamin E, magnesium, and zinc. B vitamins and magnesium are involved in the production of serotonin, which helps regulate mood and relieve stress. Zinc has also been shown to fight some of the negative effects of stress, while vitamin E is an antioxidant that destroys the free radicals related to stress

Make sure you give regular yourself treats. Even if it's something as simple as taking a break for Desperate Housewives or having a cheeky pint

s ' n o i Vis

O s s e Str

P.P.E- King of the combined subjects. You are not unlikely to find yourself doing upto 100 credits worth of exams and assessed work over easter. Students should choose there modules wisely!

The Sciences- Biology, Chemistry and Med students may as well have a nine to five job with reading and essay writing on top.

Asessment is continous throughout all three years and having experiments blowing up in your face and inhaling all those toxic fumes is enough to drive anyone crazy!

Combined subjects- Twice the reading and having to get your head around two completely different subjects instead of one.

Just trying to arrange your modules without clashing and having two sets of seminar groups, two supervisors and two tutors is enough to give anyone a headache.

English Literature- No exams!

Enough said. Cunning students can avoid lectures by only gong to the one they are covering in their essay. And although the essays are constant each one only counts for a fraction of a module, so if they muck one up there are plenty of oppurtunities to make it up.

History of Art- Absolutely minimal contact hours gives these students enough time to bake a cake and enjoy it sipping chiled wine in a luxurious bubble bath everyday!

K pa eep an per a d by pad w r an it you and yw e rb or do ed ri wn

Exercise.

This may not be the most popular choice epecially when compared to a quick chocolate bar or a sneaky cigarette but a bit of light running or popping along to an aerobics class can releae tension in your muscle and improves blood flow to your brain, bringing additional sugars and oxygen that may be needed when you are thinking intensely.

r e t e -M

19

20 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007 Picture courtesy of style.com

>STY E

HANDY BAGS Sarah Howe carries it off with style

H

of sizes (nobody wants a travel case in Ziggy’s or a clutch bag for their lectures), but many other factors are involved in the selection process. Is it versatile or only suitable for one occasion? Will it be long lasting or only cope for a month? Can it perform all the challenges you need it to? Basically, it is like choosing your ideal partner. And if bags are boys, then bag shopping must be some kind of materialistic speed dating. Sadly, that means that bag shopping isn’t always successful first time, but the bonus is that a bag won’t snore in bed.

First up on our bag dating extravaganza is group A: the clutch bags.

Though they may seem a nuisance to carry around, there is no denying that they simply radiate glamour. Topshop takes advantage of the slouched material which this season loves in its envelope echoed clutch bag, which

ow do boys do it? Unless en route to a seminar, the opposite sex somehow manage to go day to day with all vital belongings crammed into their pockets.

How this works with skinny fit jeans is beyond me, but personally I am glad that girls get to enjoy the extra accessory of a bag in any situation. They give us the freedom to bring that extra pair of sunglasses to the park, the perfume to the club, and whatever else you can think of that just might be needed if the unexpected occurs. I find that this definitely involves make up, because who knows? Brad Pitt may walk in at any second…

Although shopping for bags may be your idea of heaven, choosing the ideal one for you is not always so easy. Of course there is a range

is versatile both in shape a n d c o l o u r.

Accessorize brings us a similar style, which takes advantage of the new seasons colours in the form of electric blue and is accompanied by a large button to support the glam movement of spring.

The next group of bags moves up in size, and therefore practicality for everyday use. This can be seen in the vanity case from Accessorize, which reinforces the old school pin up girl image. It is not only practical but

somehow alluring (perhaps due to that vibrant cherry colouring), and what more could a girl wantfrom a bag? Topshop's vintage look satchel is the perfect campus bag. Plenty of room for library books and even an A4 folder. It even has a Brown's sandwich-sized pocket on the front!

However, if you prefer the blingbling slouch bags that are reappearing on the high street, then look no further. Miss Selfridge has the perfect solutions. It’s slouched. It’s bling. Need I say anymore?

The third size of bag necessary for any girl has to be ‘the shopper’.

And these days, the bigger the better, as can be seen in Accessorize’s mustard coloured bowling bag which is striking in more ways than one. It is ideal for shopping, seminars, nights away, and tying a scarf around the handle would not go amiss for a bit more of a statement. But for a real statement, see Dorothy Perkins’ bag which is made entirely from recycled products. Not only a fashion statement, but a political one too for the lady who cares.

I have saved the best for last: Lulu Guinness is the Grande Dame of handbags. Her black gladstone bag with pockets for compact, lipstick and comb is simply gorgeous. Unfortunately the extortionate price tag means you may not have any pennies left to put in the cute purse on the front. £175

£18 Accessorize

Style Bible Kat Boyd gets lippy!

Flaky lips will never be in fashion so make sure they are in good condition with Elizabeth Arden's wonder cream. Moisturises, heals and leaves a subtle shine; there is a reason this tiny miracle has been lurking in women's handbags for decades. £19

Lancome revolutionised lipgloss with the launch of their juicy tubes. They are high shine and come in so many colours you can have a different one every day.

The texture is deliciously sticky, just don't expect the boys to kiss you! £13.50

Lulu Guiness

£85 Jaeger £20 Topshop £795 Lulu Guiness

£15

£8

Miss Selfridge

Dorothy Perkins

£35 Topshop Indulge your inner barbie with this hot pink gloss from Mac. Pair with a pink cadillac and you are ready to go. Just don't over do it or you will end up looking like you are auditioning for a Sheila's Wheels Advert. Irritating theme music definitely not required! £10.50

£30 Accessorize

£25 Accessorize

UNIVERSITY OF DORK Martin Buck finds the chic in geek

I

rony is not a word to be bandied about lightly when it comes to picking clothes. You can possibly get away with saying something unfeasibly stupid in seminar by pretending it’s ironic, but try doing the same when you’re wearing a three-piece tweed suit that’s older than you are as you swan around campus, and you just look an idiot. Sorry.

As such it’s pretty tempting to dismiss the idea of ‘geek chic’ (sigh, I know) out of hand. But then you eventually see a cardigan somewhere, you sway, you give in, you try it on and before you know it you’re doing your polo shirt up so high it cuts off the circulation to your brain. You look like Val Doonican on ketamine and you actually intended to. The trick, as ever, is moderation. Keep it fairly plain, then go for a dorky twist, like a fitted jumper with a pencil tie (outrageous argyle pattern optional for the brave or unhealthily Kanye-ob-

sessed), and some horn rim glasses instead of contacts. Anything Lyle and Scott is snazzy, albeit cripplingly expensive.

Charity shops or your grandad’s wardrobe can provide some nifty genuine vintage too; but be judicious with it for all our sakes, lest we end up with the aforementioned tweedy nightmare. Just forget the nay-sayers and indulge your nerdier side a bit. Your nan might even like what you’re wearing for once.

£125 Osiris

Cult product Benetint gives lips a subtle stain for girls who are scared of red lipstick.

Apply several coats to increase colour intensity. It's impossible to put too much on (I have tried!) so no danger of looking like drag-queen dracula. £16.67

£109 Lyle and Scott £60 Topman

£10 Topman £20 Lacoste

Chanel is the authority on red lipstick. Red lips are the ultimate accesory in the art seduction.

This timeless shade is undoubtedly lurking in thousands of French handbags. £16.50

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday March 13, 2007

>FOOD&DR

NK

21

GOOD THINGS COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT?

the Vision Hot list What's got us salivating excessively this month...

As St Patrick’s Day comes upon us on Saturday, Rob Gallagher explores the true worth of picking up a pint of that most iconic of drinks, Guinness, this weekend

• Tuna - Easter ster

holidays means exam revision for many of us, so brain food is on the agenda: look ook no further than this tinfriendly fish.

I

f there is one drink that represents one nation in the world, it’s got to be Guinness. Renowned throughout the world for its perfectly formed body and distinctively thick texture, Guinness is an emblem for the emerald isle.

• The Wellington - it's a Sam Smiths, but in a terraced house. Look no further for a venue for a quiet drink, as long as there are no more than 3 of you

• Picnics - it may not be summer,

or even spring quite yet, but if the weather ain't bad, why not??

...and what's turning our stomachs • Campus sal-

ads - mostly comprising mayonnaise and a plethora of carbs, don't kid yo u r s e l f, these ain't that healthy

• Dr Pepper weird tasting and so much sugar you'll be bouncing off the walls (not good when you're trying to revise)

Vanbrugh sandwiches - why does everything have chicken in them!?

•

Give it a go!

Boxtie: e traditional To make theskes mix 1lb of ca Irish potato potato with 1lb boiled mashed potato, 1/2llbb of of grated raw s of salt. Divide flour and 2ttssppsfr y on medium d an lf in ha once when heat, flippingy and golden dr ok lo s edge t for a brown. Perfec nch! lu or k ac sn

This Saturday it will be consumed in massive quantities, as Irish folk, people of Irish descent, and anyone else that appreciates the excuse for a bit of craic, celebrate St Patrick’s Day. It’s been heralded as the drink of the Gods and as the best pint in the world, but why do people love this drink so much? What is all the fuss about?

Ask any avid Guinness drinker and they’ll probably mention its unique texture, its unmistakable malty flavour, with a genuinely bitter underlay, and its roasty hop character.

The palate has, according to the editor of the Good Beer Guide, ‘hints of liquorice and dark mysterious fruits, including something akin to sour bananas’. Praise indeed.

Its health benefits have also been highlighted over the years. Pregnant women have often in past decades been told to drink a bit of

Guinness, due to the high amounts of iron it contains (though this is no longer advised). Experts at Wisconsin University have meanwhile recently suggested that Guinness may work as well as aspirin at preventing heart clots. And draught Guinness, which contains no fat, has fewer calories than most other premium beers and lagers.

A large proportion of the Guinness drinkers on Saturday will not, however, have such zeal for their drink of choice, nor will they be that concer ned about the possible health benefits.

Instead, it's the image Guinness projects of being a classy, unique and, most importantly, a thoroughly Irish drink that will get people drinking it.

And undoubtedly this popularity and imagery is thanks to the brand's years successful of a dve r t i s i n g .

The words

‘good things come to those who wait’ and ‘tick follows tock’ are instantly recognisable as labels of the Guin-

St Patrick's Day has become a landlord's dream marketing ploy, in many ways due to the success of the Guinness brand ness brand, whilst the toucan that for years told us that ‘Guinness is good for you’ is an icon of its times.

The advertising and branding of this drink has meant that it is more than a mere drink to many, but an institution, so much so that some people refuse to drink anything but the dark stuff.

The success through skillful promotion is no secret, but has been recognised by people within the advertising industry, as well as the Guinness company itself: the Guinness advert from 1998, which featured surfers and horses made out of waves, was recently voted the best advert of all time; the official Guinness website, meanwhile, has one of its main sections dedicated to its advertising - surely a recognition from the company of the role of advertising in the drink’s enormous success.

Such is the success of the advertising in gaining iconic status for the drink that mer-

A Mini Egg-travaganza

Resident fatty Lani Peace tests the chocolate eggs (in miniature) that have hatched in shops this spring Good Egg Galaxy chocolate is famously made of something a bit finer than Cadbury's and their mini eggs contain a luxurious caramel that is just about as sensual as the Galaxy adverts suggest.

Good Egg It's quite posh, and it's also quite nice. Lindt specialise in quality chocolate, including magic chocolate that is sort of melted, but not. That is what you find in these eggs. Pricey at 2 for £1 in Thorntons. Give the other to someone you love.

chandising is now a huge source of income for the brewery.

This is no more evident than on St Patrick’s Day, when the company and pubs flog for all it’s worth Guinness’ Irish heritage, with hats and t-shirts available with a certain number of pints and green Guinness pints. Indeed, St Patrick’s Day has become a landlord’s dream marketing ploy, in many ways due to the success of the Guinness brand and the way in which the brand romanticises Ireland.

This is despite the fact that much of the history of Guinness’ in Britain has little to do with Ireland. Based on a style of brewing that originated in London, British Guinness drinkers for most of the 20th century were in fact drinking a drink brewed in northwest London; the Guinness parent company is, meanwhile, based in London.

And the biggest consumers of Guinness are not in fact the Irish, but are – you guessed it – the British. That’s not to say that Guinness isn’t an Irish brand, but one can’t help but think that when the company closed their London brewery in 2005 and moved production of Guinness for the British market to Ireland, this was more a marketing ploy and an attempt to play on its ‘Irishness’ rather than, as the official line was, to improve the quality and flavour of the beer.

So when you pick up a pint of Guinness this weekend, sure it may taste good, and perhaps has some health benefits, but you're choice of tipple has also a lot to do with years of clever and rather slick branding.

Egg-cellent Egg

The old timer in the chocolate egg scene 'Cadbury's Creme Egg' is a stalwart favourite. The chocolate is satisfyingly solid and the fondant centre deliciously sugary and unlike all the others, not chocolatey. It is also good for comedy 'eating a real egg' situations.

Good Egg

Bad Egg

This is an egg of two halves. Like the eponymous chocolate bar the caramel and nougat is separated which can be enjoyed together, or if you're a bit weird you can pull the two apart. Very nice.

The putrid chocolate 'flavoured' mousse found within is an insult to the chococate Easter miniature establishment. Synthetic to the max and soaked in e-numbers this cheap tasting and not even foil wrapped 'miniature egg' is a poor excuse of a celebration of Easter.

22 FEATURES

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

I WON'T STAND FOR THIS Disaffected over Heslington East, Richard Firn, once a senior lecturer for Biology, took early retirement. Here he reveals his concerns over York PLC. Interview by Iain Withers

R

ichard Firn has been a strident opponent of Heslington East for three or four years now. Last term he retired early, partly because he was disaffected over the University’s approach to the Heslington East development.

“I didn’t feel I could happily carry on

The university were arrogant.

They thought they could get away with anything working for an institution which I felt no longer had the integrity this institution should have had,” Richard admitted last week.

Having taught at York for over twenty years, he feels that he is well placed to criticise what he sees as a change of ethos at the top level of the university, headed by the jet-setting extravagances of Brian Cantor. “He sees himself as an executive,” Richard suggests, “his excesses are typical of the money

grabbing ethos that now dominates university thinking”.

Central to this so-called ‘money grabbing ethos’, according to Richard, is the university’s approach to the Heslington East development. We put his concerns to the university – The Environmental Concerns Richard argues that the lake planned for the new campus is unsustainable. He says that the consultants, on which the university spent huge amounts of money, used the last thirty years worth of climate data when climate change will clearly make these projections irrelevant. The main problem with the proposed lake, as with the existing lake, is that there is no running water flow or source. As such, the lake is sustained by rain water. Given that rainfall is likely to decrease, at least in summer, this could result in increased evaporation and huge environmental problems.

The Housing Problems Richard Firn points out that the only reason why the university is able to afford these proposals is because the whole proposals are funded by privat e

finance. He alleges that even the colleges are contingent on them being “economically viable” at time of construction, and given an economic downturn, private investors could instead claim that it was cheaper to house them privately.

A university spokesman stated that the “proposals for student housing on Heslington East, if it goes ahead, will be the subject of strict controls imposed by the City of York Council”. The university’s own findings suggest that it is disengenous to believe that students will want to live on the new campus for the duration of their degrees. Issues of students flooding the local housing market, or fragmenting the community of Badger Hill remain a worry.

Science City York 38% of the new campus will be commercial. The number of office staff will outnumber academic staff. Richard Firn claims that the case for claiming

this many university linked jobs. Only a tenth of the office jobs at the existing Science Park behind Alcuin are said to be occupied by personnel linked in business with the university. Commercial projects such as the Unit for Infection Immunity, a commercial building next to Biology, had to close because it was failing. Richard Firn sees the Science City York ploy as at the heart of a ‘land grab’, justified by Science but actually motivated by the need to fund the project.

The university seems to be taking a dangerous ‘suck it and see’ approach given the environmental and housing proposals highlighted. Richard Firn sees the university’s approach as “arrogant”. "They thought they could get away with anything.”

that the new office staff – over 2000 of them will have jobs linked to the university is “hokum”. He claims that there is no evidence to suggest that there is demand for

£32 MILLION the amount students contributed in academic fees to the uni last year

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

I WON'T STAND FOR THIS R

The university were arrogant.

They thought they could get away with anything “I didn’t feel I could happily carry on working for an institution which I felt no longer had the integrity this institution should have had,” Richard admitted last week.

Having taught at York for over twenty years, he feels that he is well placed to criticise what he sees as a change of ethos at the top level of the university, headed by the jet-setting extravagances of Brian Cantor. “He sees himself as an executive,” Richard suggests,

“his excesses are typical of the money grabbing ethos that now dominates university thinking”.

Central to this so-called ‘money grabbing ethos’, according to Richard, is the university’s approach to the Heslington East development. We put his concerns to the university – The Environmental Concerns Richard argues that the lake planned for the new campus is unsustainable. He says that the consultants, on which the university spent huge amounts of money, used the last thirty years worth of climate data when climate change will clearly make these projections irrelevant. The main problem with the proposed lake, as with the existing lake, is that there is no running water flow or source. As such, the lake is sustained by rain water. Given that rainfall is likely to decrease, at least in summer, this could result in increased evaporation and huge environmental problems.

The Housing Problems Richard Firn points out that the only reason why the university is able to afford

these proposals is because the whole proposals are funded by private finance. He alleges that even the colleges are contingent on them being “economically viable” at time of construction, and given an economic downturn, private investors could instead claim that it was cheaper to house them privately.

A university spokesman stated that the “proposals for student housing on Heslington East, if it goes ahead, will be the subject of strict controls imposed by the City of York Council”. The university’s own findings suggest that it is disengenous to believe that students will want to live on the new campus for the duration of their degrees. Issues of students flooding the local housing market, or fragmenting the community of Badger Hill remain a worry.

Science City York 38% of the new campus will be commercial. The

number of office staff will outnumber academic staff. Richard Firn claims that the case for claiming that the new office staff – over 2000 of them will have jobs linked

FEATURES

Tuesday March 13, 2007

VISION EXCLUSIVE - REVEALED UNIVERSITY TRADES CASH FOR EDUCATION, ACCOMODATION AND OTHER GENERAL SERVICES Tom Hole explores how big a bang you get for your buck

Disaffected over Heslington East, Richard Firn, once a senior lecturer for Biology, took early retirement. Here he reveals his concerns over York PLC. Interview by Iain Withers

ichard Firn has been a strident opponent of Heslington East for three or four years now. Last term he retired early, partly because he was disaffected over the University’s approach to the Heslington East development.

YORK VISION

I

to the university is “hokum”. He claims that there is no evidence to suggest that there is demand for this many university linked jobs. Only a tenth of the office jobs at the existing Science Park behind Alcuin are said to be occupied by personnel linked in business with the university.

Commercial projects such as the Unit for Infection Immunity, a commercial building next to Biology, had to close because it was failing. Richard Firn sees the Science City York ploy as at the heart of a ‘land grab’, justified by Science but actually motivated by the need to fund the project.

The university seems to be taking a dangerous ‘suck it and see’ approach given the environmental and housing proposals highlighted. Richard Firn sees the university’s approach a s

“arrog a n t ” . " T h e y thought they could get away with anything.”

£32 MILLION the amount students contributed in academic fees to the uni last year

t will come as no shock to you that tuition fees at York now stand at £3000 for European Union students or £11600 for international students. It will probably not surprise you that when you leave University your debt will probably be over £1600. Nor, I imagine, will you recoil at the news that humanities students spend less time in lectures than science students. Yet what is surprising is that whilst tuition fees have landed us with additional debt no one has asked the question “What do I get for my money?”Whilst we wait for the success of the Socialist Students campaign to abolish University fees it is worth pondering the flip side of their introduction.

Tripling tuition fees should, in theory, improve your education.

If you fail to see this improvement, it allows you a stronger financial platform to question why not.

The problem seems to be that students are largely unaware of their

value. £3000 seems like a tiny figure compared to the figures thrown around the new Hes East development. But collectively the figures add up. Last year students contributed in academic fees alone over £32m to the University.

Including HEFCE contributions this

The problem seems to be that students are largely unaware of their value

V

22 FEATURES

number rises to £52.5m - a number that will increase with the next wave of new tuition-fee students.

The University argues that it is investing heavily in better facilities, more courses, more staff and better accommodation across the water on the other side of Heslington. But this seems a bit like your landlord not maintaining your house because he argues he is

investing in a new one across the road for different people a year after you’ve left.

The University in reality is very good at making money - subsidiary companies turnover approximately £12m a year. The Conference Park the University magically turns into during Easter and Summer is perhaps an example of how York has learned to exploit its assets effectively. The Conference season’s direct effect upon most first years is there expulsion from accommodation during the Easter period, but the benefit the University gains from this is massive both financially and academically.

The truth is unhappily much simpler and much sadder: University costs money. Wages for the 3000 odd staff at the University totals just over £81m.

Yet out of a staff total 2767, only 676 are designated teachers. Administration costs the University just under £9m.

Academic departments cost collectively £45m.

We can take our loan and quite happily spend it in Topshop, on eBay, in the Charles or anywhere else we choose, no matter how foolish, because for most part we know what we are spending it on, where it is going and what we get out of it. We are not afforded the same transparency by University. Instead our

understanding of where the money goes and how it is spent is based upon a grass roots experience. ‘My flatmate does Physics and is in lectures eight hours a day, my other flatmates does History and is in for two hours a week’: They pay the same.

The problem is compounded by the fact it is so hard to see how much of research money works for students. This is particularly true in Science, where students may never come into contact with the state of the art equipment used.

To expect the same amount of money to be fed into your course when their needs are so different would be unreasonable.

It seems unfair. I'll compare the situation to a camera. There are two types of cameras, film and digital. Digital pulls out all the stops, it is state of the art, takes hundred of pictures, but is expensive. Film, whilst old, is tested and requires real skill, but is cheap. Whilst both take photos, you wouldn’t expect to pay the same as a consumer.

The Socialist Students may say “£uck £ees”, but as they are here to stay you might as well make sure you are getting your money’s worth. Rather than think of yourself as destitute student, you should think of your £3000 as your stake in your education. You will probably find you are worth more than you think.

CHASING THE CASH COW

Iain Withers asks whether universities are losing their cultural integrity as they trip over themselves in their rush to expand

“I

departmental budgets.

The cuts raise serious questions about the university’s integrity. Combined with plans for a new campus that is 1/3 business site and you seem to have a peculiar mix of muddled priorities.

James Alexander, SU President 04/05, says that a “lack of investment” has been a problem for years. Rich Croker claims that whilst he believes the current campus will be revamped after the building of Heslington East, he accepts that there is a “dire need of refurbishment” in certain areas. Richard Firn, talks of one particular lecture theatre in Alcuin that his students had been complaining about for ten years. “The myth that Heslington East will solve these sorts of problems is bogus.

One, why should students wait, and two, biology students have practicals on the current campus – its impractical to expect them to have lectures the other side of Heslington”.

Amy Foxton, YUSU Academic and Welfare Officer, admits that the SU must take a bigger role in “holding the university accountable” for how it spends our fees.

Hole The current situation, Richard

don’t understand why students didn’t rise up,” Richard Firn says at one point, “paying for that increase in fees and not seeing any return on their investment.”

The University claims that it has been investing on campus. ‘Just look at Bleachfields, at the new Psychology extension, at the new catering facilities’ they say. But ask students, and the general trend that they have seen over the past couple of years is one of cutbacks – porters, bars and

Main Image by Tom

Firn alleges, stems from mismanagement in the past. "Even as early ago as five years the university stripped away the energy efficient features from the new Biology department to meet deadlines.

Our maintenance bills are huge."

Departments such as Biology, Richard Firn asserts, plough the profit made out of students into research overheads.

Research grants, he says, do not always cover the true cost of research as some charities, for instance do not pay for research overheads. Despite the massive research grants Biology receives, the department actually makes losses because of this. Departmental strategy, Firn argues, is to increase student numbers in order to balance the books.

Furhter, he remarks that “if we can make a profit there, my god you should be able to make a killing in Arts departments”.

The idea that students are being used as stop gaps is something the uni vehemently denies. “Such accusations are a massive over-simplification of an extremely complex issue,” a university spokesman told Vision. Nonetheless, it is clear from student experiences that the money they pay is not directly going back into their education.

Rich Croker argues however that the university does not merely ride rough

shod over student concerns. He points to the success of securing the £2.4 million revamping of Derwent kitchens and to student’s successes in drawing from Ken Batten a commitment to a return to 24/7 portering next term after current shortages.

However, the fact that the university attempted to, as it were, test the waters on the issue is typical of the changing way in which the ethos of York is conceived. As Richard Firn says, “Its no longer the type of social unit it was when it was envisaged. The university has no commitment to the college system."

He argues that the new corporate ethos at the top is damaging the integrity of the university. “We became a very successful university with a very different strategy” he explains. The university seems to be trying to expand in order to secure its financial position, yet in doing so it is stretching student funds and restricting the necessary investment students deserve.

"The all or nothing rationale behind this campus is bogus," says Richard.

"Even if you agree to there not being enough space on campus, industrial sites came available that could easily have sustained limited development rather than the bombast of Heslington East."

23

23

YORK VISION

FEATURES

Tuesday March 13, 2007

VISION EXCLUSIVE - REVEALED UNIVERSITY TRADES CASH FOR EDUCATION, ACCOMODATION AND OTHER GENERAL SERVICES Tom Hole explores how big a bang you get for your buck value. £3000 seems like a tiny figure compared to the figures thrown around the new Hes East development. But collectively the figures add up. Last year students contributed in academic fees alone over £32m to the University.

Including HEFCE contributions this

The problem seems to be that students are largely unaware of their value

V

I

t will come as no shock to you that tuition fees at York now stand at £3000 for European Union students or £11600 for international students. It will probably not surprise you that when you leave University your debt will probably be over £1600. Nor, I imagine, will you recoil at the news that humanities students spend less time in lectures than science students. Yet what is surprising is that whilst tuition fees have landed us with additional debt no one has asked the question “What do I get for my money?”Whilst we wait for the success of the Socialist Students campaign to abolish University fees it is worth pondering the flip side of their

V

introduction.

Tripling tuition fees should, in theory, improve your education. If you fail to see this improvement, it allows you a stronger financial platform to question why not.

The problem seems to be that students are largely unaware of their

number rises to £52.5m - a number that will increase with the next wave of new tuition-fee students.

The University argues that it is investing heavily in better facilities, more courses, more staff and better accommodation across the water on the other side of Heslington. But this seems a bit like your landlord not maintaining your house because he argues he is

investing in a new one across the road for different people a year after you’ve left.

The University in reality is very good at making money - subsidiary companies turnover approximately £12m a year. The Conference Park the University magically turns into during Easter and Summer is perhaps an example of how York has learned to exploit its assets effectively. The Conference season’s direct effect upon most first years is there expulsion from accommodation during the Easter period, but the benefit the University gains from this is massive both financially and academically.

The truth is unhappily much simpler and much sadder: University costs money. Wages for the 3000 odd staff at the University totals just over £81m.

Yet out of a staff total 2767, only 676 are designated teachers. Administration costs the University just under £9m.

Academic departments cost collectively £45m.

We can take our loan and quite happily spend it in Topshop, on eBay, in the Charles or anywhere else we choose, no matter how foolish, because for most part we know what we are spending it on, where it is going and what we get out of it. We are not afforded the same transparency by University. Instead our

understanding of where the money goes and how it is spent is based upon a grass roots experience. ‘My flatmate does Physics and is in lectures eight hours a day, my other flatmates does History and is in for two hours a week’: They pay the same.

The problem is compounded by the fact it is so hard to see how much of research money works for students. This is particularly true in Science, where students may never come into contact with the state of the art equipment used.

To expect the same amount of money to be fed into your course when their needs are so different would be unreasonable.

It seems unfair. I'll compare the situation to a camera. There are two types of cameras, film and digital. Digital pulls out all the stops, it is state of the art, takes hundred of pictures, but is expensive. Film, whilst old, is tested and requires real skill, but is cheap. Whilst both take photos, you wouldn’t expect to pay the same as a consumer.

The Socialist Students may say “£uck £ees”, but as they are here to stay you might as well make sure you are getting your money’s worth. Rather than think of yourself as destitute student, you should think of your £3000 as your stake in your education. You will probably find you are worth more than you think.

CHASING THE CASH COW

Iain Withers asks whether universities are losing their cultural integrity as they trip over themselves in their rush to expand

“I

cuts raise serious questions about the university’s integrity. Combined with plans for a new campus that is 1/3 business site and you seem to have a peculiar mix of muddled priorities.

James Alexander, SU President 04/05, says that a “lack of investment” has been a problem for years. Rich Croker claims that whilst he believes the current campus will be revamped after the building of Heslington East, he accepts that there is a “dire need of refurbishment” in certain areas. Richard Firn, talks of one particular lecture theatre in Alcuin that his students had been complaining about for ten years.

“The myth that Heslington East will solve these sorts of problems is bogus. One, why should students wait, and two, biology students have practicals on the current campus – its impractical to expect them to have lectures the other side of Heslington”.

Amy Foxton, YUSU Academic and Welfare Officer, admits that the SU must take a bigger role in “holding the university accountable” for how it spends our fees.

The current situation, Richard Firn alleges, stems from mismanagement in the past. "Even as early Hole ago as five years the university

don’t understand why students didn’t rise up,” Richard Firn says at one point, “paying for that increase in fees and not seeing any return on their investment.”

The University claims that it has been investing on campus. ‘Just look at Bleachfields, at the new Psychology extension, at the new catering facilities’ they say. But ask students, and the general trend that they have seen over the past couple of years is one of cutbacks – porters, bars and departmental budgets.

The

Main Image by Tom

stripped away the energy efficient features from the new Biology department to meet deadlines. Our maintenance bills are huge."

Departments such as Biology, Richard Firn asserts, plough the profit made out of students into research overheads.

Research grants, he says, do not always cover the true cost of research as some charities, for instance do not pay for research overheads. Despite the massive research grants Biology receives, the department actually makes losses because of this. Departmental strategy, Firn argues, is to increase student numbers in order to balance the books.

Furhter, he remarks that “if we can make a profit there, my god you should be able to make a killing in Arts departments”.

The idea that students are being used as stop gaps is something the uni vehemently denies. “Such accusations are a massive over-simplification of an extremely complex issue,” a university spokesman told Vision. Nonetheless, it is clear from student experiences that the money they pay is not directly going back into their education.

Rich Croker argues however that the university does not merely ride rough shod over student concerns. He points to the success of securing the £2.4 million revamping of Derwent kitchens and

to student’s successes in drawing from Ken Batten a commitment to a return to 24/7 portering next term after current shortages.

However, the fact that the university attempted to, as it were, test the waters on the issue is typical of the changing way in which the ethos of York is conceived. As Richard Firn says, “Its no longer the type of social unit it was when it was envisaged. The university has no commitment to the college system."

He argues that the new corporate ethos at the top is damaging the integrity of the university. “We became a very successful university with a very different strategy” he explains. The university seems to be trying to expand in order to secure its financial position, yet in doing so it is stretching student funds and restricting the necessary investment students deserve.

"The all or nothing rationale behind this campus is bogus," says Richard.

"Even if you agree to there not being enough space on campus, industrial sites came available that could easily have sustained limited development rather than the bombast of Heslington East."

24LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

>TRA EL

GOOD OL' ST PADDY Travel Log

Robert Romans checks out the 'Dam - sex museum and all...

[Sex Museums: Informing and educating fun for all the family]

T

he notion of a Sex Museum sounds rather disturbing; if it isn’t the sight of a waxwork model of a man in a suit with his trousers down revealing his genitalia, then it was the man in the ticket booth who wore glasses with a fluorescent yellow frame. The latter was what welcomed me when I walked off the Damrak and in to Amsterdam’s tribute to erotica.

Witnessing the sight of an aging, balding individual sporting a pair of fluorescent glasses was what I needed to remind me I had arrived in Western Europe’s answer to organised madness. We departed York the shortly after 18:00 the previous evening and had a journey of immense alcoholic pleasure. For the record; one thing I learnt, and rather painfully too, is that drinking all the way from York to Dover isn’t highly recommended. Add that to one uncomfortable ride across the channel on one of P&O’s ships and the result isn’t a pleasant one.

The coach ride across Northern France and Belgium was the perfect opportunity to get some urgently needed sleep before arriving in Europe’s cannabis capital for a weekend of fun and sight-seeing. Upon arriving in Amsterdam, we made our away to the Hans Brinker hotel, located near the Leidseplein square, which would provide us with a base for the weekend. The Hans Brinker was a basic affair; it was bunk beds, a leak emanating from the wall posing as a shower and lockers for our belongings. To quote Del Boy, the accommodation could aptly be described as the following, “a put-you-up, a damp patch and a Jakahzi”.

After settling in to our surroundings, it was good idea to leave the student answer to the Hotel Babylon and explore the city. Amsterdam is a picturesque city with intimidating leaning buildings, cobbled streets, culture and heritage in abundance, mind-polluting liberalism, diversity and tolerance, festooned among a network of canals and sex industry that operates 24/7.

Amsterdam has a rich history;

the Anne Frank house, located on the Prinsengracht, provided an opportunity to learn about the city's diverse past. Despite queuing up outside for a while, the waiting was worth it. The Anne Frank house gave a sobering reminder of the irreparable trauma Amsterdam suffered during the Second World War. Amsterdam is famed for it's nightlife. Whether it is the plethora of bars that litter the Damrak, a quite drink in a bar down a side street, or, for the more adventurous, the Red Light district, there is something to meet the tastes of everyone.

Due to feeling exhausted by the outward coach journey, both nights spent in Amsterdam were spent in restaurants and bars. The “La Pampa” Argentine steak house on the Centrum square and an Italian restaurant on the Leidseplein were used.

Local “brown bars” provided the perfect location for a quiet pint of Heineken. For those that are interested in clubbing, I was reliably informed – on more than one occasion, and through the odd drunken rambling – that the clubs in Amsterdam were excellent.

On the final day, we embarked on the long coach journey back to York. Whilst virtually everyone from York fell asleep through sheer exhaustion of an entertaining weekend, I stayed awake and admired the flat and picturesque landscape of Holland and Belgium before arriving in the industrial eye-sore that is the Nord Pas de Calais.

A hypermarket stop-off allowed people to stock up on essentials for the rest of term.

For less than £20, I boarded the P&O ferry with 24 bottles of Heineken and an assortment of Belgian beer.

After a tiresome and tedious coach journey, we arrived back in York shortly before 2 am. Thankfully, by the time I got to bed, I’d managed to forget the nightmarish sight of the man who wore the glasses with the yellow fluorescent frames.

The colour of his glasses frame summed up Amsterdam: Exciting. So exciting in fact, I can’t wait to go again.

Fintan Nagle cruises around Ireland for his pot of gold...

T

he west coast of Ireland is one of the most beautiful places in the world. For the tourist seeking cheap ice cream, campsites with impeccable showers and a regular dose of their Yahoo webmail the whole thing seems a bit pointless; but for the true traveller, when the sun goes down behind the western sea and there is nothing but wild ocean between you and Virginia, it feels like you have come home.

I went there when I was fifteen, when I was still small enough to sleep in the car and still young enough to want to. We crossed the whole of Ireland by car to reach the West, starting at Dublin, where Seacat ferries look like science fiction dreams against the ancient rocks of the harbour, the battered pier jutting out into the sea like battlements raised long ago.

The sort of Irish pub you are likely to find in London or Manchester is to the real thing as Special Brew is to Stella In Irish Dublin’s name is Baile Átha Cliath, sounding like something you would find on the edge of a map at the beginning of a dog-eared, worn book of seventies heroic fantasy, and it has one of those strange spirits common to Marseille and Tangiers and port cities everywhere; a mixture of the people who live there and a tiny bit of the personality of every person who has ever passed through.

We went West along the new roads which Ireland built industriously on EU subsidies, along the ancient ways crumbling at the edges which have been there since the car itself.

As you draw away from the east coast the country feels like it is trying to escape from the world, to relax into comfortable,

[Dublin city centre - that's Baile Atha Cliath to you] friendly wilderness: the campsites are rougher, the gift shops look like they haven’t sold anything for years and are surviving on conversation, the pubs become less Irish and more Ireland.

The sort of Irish pub you are likely to find in London or Manchester is to the real thing as Special Brew is to Stella; they used to be smoky, filled with live music, filled with spirit. Since the smoking ban in 2004 the scent of smoke has been replaced with the smell (as enticing or as disgusting as smoke, depending on who you are) of Guinness and ale, but the music has remained.

In few places in the world will you receive so much conversation and so much hospitality from the locals The outback of Ireland is a strange place, remote but friendly, unspoilt but comfortable, free from overcrowding but filled with culture.

In few places - at least, Englishspeaking places - in the world will you recieve so much conversation and so much hospitality from the locals, which incidentally makes

[One of Dublin's renowned drinking dens]

the country one of the best places in northern Europe to hitchhike.

Tony Hawks discovered this while hitching around the country with, of all things, a fridge, on a bet; he managed it so easily in the end that he ended up writing a book about it, thus introducing the world to the wonders of Tony Hawks.

We went slowly, staying in deserted campsites run by chatty old couples and equipped with maps of Ireland showing the origins of common surnames- "I was named

It resembles a larger version of the place where Father Ted was filmed after a mountain range in the South". The countryside changes as you approach the West, becoming more windswept, flatter, more chilly. And then, when you reach the coast, it is warm again; the Gulf Stream blows straight from Mexico and Florida until it hits Mayo, Galway and County Clare.

The West of Ireland is like Tolkien’s West, like his Shire without the quaint Englishness; it feels like not so long ago it was still the kingdoms of Eire and Erin, with the Shannon for the Anduin and the Twelve Pins of Connemara for the Misty Mountains.

Achill Island, the largest isle off the coast of the county, was where we ended up; it resembles a larger version of the place where Father Ted was filmed, a windswept deserted beautiful place, refreshingly free of tourists.

Achill has the highest sea cliffs in Europe, the cliffs of Croaghaun; although, being inaccessible by road, they take half a day’s walk to reach. And Achill Head, just an hour’s walk from a comfortable car park (and an amazing chippy) is the westernmost point in the region, overlooking fifty metres of rocks and a choppy sea.

Sunset over the North Atlantic is pure, golden, stunning. The whole sky burns red like burnt glass; the ocean catches fire. If you are lucky you will see dolphins towards the evening’s end, speeding and jumping in a blood-red sea.

the

scene

> march 2007 > issue 5

> interviews > features > reviews > listings

The rapture the godfathers of new rave return to claim their crown

<

THE WORST OSCAR BLUNDERS IN HISTORY

P.30

“AFRICAN SNOW” COMES TO YORK

<

P.33

<

THE PERFECT BOOKS FOR MOTHER’S DAY

P.36

> 26

contents

> the scene: contents and editorial

Week 10 is upon us and no-one seriously expects you to do any work, so why not kick back with the final Scene of term, proudly featuring...

was Scorcese's Oscar too late? Plus new releases

television: wildest, fastest, fattest...crappest culture:

spending a week as a true culture vulture

books: quick reads to brighten up your coffee break the super-special star rating system

Every single review in The Scene is be rated against our strictly maintained 5-star reviewing system. With the aptly named The Rapture on our cover this issue, we've gone with the theme of things that make us properly ecstatic...or not.

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= The university deciding to axe all 9.15s...well, we can dream = Finding out your 9.15 is cancelled after a night out = Finding a fiver in your pocket after a night out = Having to queue for a taxi post-Toffs = Impending exams, essays, and the end of life as we know it.

editorial

Hey trendy kids,

The end of term is finally here, and unless you're a third year (like us poor unfortunates, degree? What degree?), you're probably looking forward to five weeks of unadulterated fun. If there's a band to soundtrack the sound of all this merriment, it would have to be this issue's cover stars, the fabulous The Rapture, who had the fashionistas dancing while The Klaxons were still worrying about their SATs. But if exams are looming - and oh, how we feel your pain - you could do worse than checking out some of the top cultural sights in York in your rare moments off, or letting your brain cooldown a bit with some speedy reads.

Wherever you spend your holidays, we wish you a break filled with the maximum amount of chocolate, and the minimum amount of stress. If you get super bored, or just feel the need to get something off your chest, then why not email us at editor@vision.york.ac.uk? We shall no doubt be procrastinating wildly by checking it every 5 minutes....

Ben and Katie - Editors, The Scene

Page title, e.g. books

“ “

What makes the Oscars at once

interesting and forever engaging is the undeniable fact that every so often the Academy gets it astoundingly wrong.

Matt Houghton on p.30

Help! My Dog’s as Fat as Me is hosted by professional gay Julian Bennett and his tiny dog that looks like a hamster wearing a gasmask.

Richard Webb on p.32

Hence began my mission: to spend every day of a working week doing something cultural in York. One problem though, what exactly does being ‘cultural’ mean?

“

Charlotte Bisland on p.34

the

film:

Highlights this issue:

“

music: the hottest (or not) new albums and live gigs

27 28 30 32 33 36

“ “

feature: spotlight on The Rapture.

scene

Yes, here is the scummy lot that made this here mess...

Ben Matthews & Katie Jacobs - Editors Loulla-Mae E.S. - Music Editor Camille Augarde - Music Deputy Lani Peace & Rich Williams - Film Editors

Harry Cameron - Film Deputy Editor Richard Webb - TV Editor Charlotte Bilsland & Dan Meredith Culture Editors

Hannah Wallace Culture Deputy Editor Sam Birch - Books Editor Nicola Hebden - Books Deputy Editor Andrew Latham - Listings Editor Deborah Mason & Kate Mason Proof Readers

> spotlight: the rapture

> 27

spotlight

this week:

The Rapture Katie Jacobs catches up with New York indie dance pioneers The Rapture and finds out why dancing like a twat is good for your health...

T

he Rapture are probably the least pretentious ‘cool’ band in the world right now.

Rather than settling for standing on stage, fag in hand, nonchalant expression on face, skin tight jeans constricting his dance moves, frontman Luke Jenner tears around like a man possessed: lying down, jumping up, launching himself into the crowd, while bassist Matt Safer demonstrates his unique brand of ‘geek’ dancing and multi-instrumentalist (it’s another word for superhero dontchaknow?) Gabe Andruzzi dances a bit like your dad.

You know, if your dad was cool and played the saxophone (incidentally, if your dad is cool and plays the saxophone, I salute you. And him.

Let’s swap).

After releasing their debut album ‘Echoes’ to rapturuous (ho!) acclaim way back in 2003, the band returned last year with ‘Pieces of the People We Love’, which once

“

I heard that we were the godfathers of new rave, which is nice. I don't know what it means, but it's nice.

“

again enrapured (oh stop…my sides!) both critics and fans a like.

When I chat to drummer Vito Roccoforte (and with a name like that, he really had no choice but to be a rock star. That or a mafioso), it’s on the Leeds leg of their UK tour, a tour which has left fans old and new in raptures (ok, stop now….really). Unsuprising perhaps as Vito claims that in his experiences British crowds are “really up for it”, often more so than their American counterparts. Keep up the good work guys.

Second album ‘Pieces of the People We Love’ has been 3 years coming, despite taking only 5 months to record. Luckily however Vito reveals that there’s no way he wants the follow-up to take so long, saying he wants it out in the open “sooner rather than later”. In making ‘Pieces of the People We Love’, The Rapture don’t appear to have suffered from any difficult second album syndromes and Vito proudly says that the album “turned out exactly how we wanted it”. In fact, they went for the 'write and record

as many songs as you can, and then wittle it down to the ones you really like ' approach, meaning every song on the album has been carefully considered using a rigourous selection process: no duds allowed.

Compared to ‘Echoes’, ‘Pieces’ seems an altogether more positive album: more pared down, cleaner.

I ask Vito what he attributes this progression in sound to and he simply explains that: “When we made it, we were just happier, in a better place, so it’s obviously going to sound more positive. ‘Echoes’ was a destructive process. We created songs through tearing things down rather than building things up. This [‘Pieces’] was the opposite. We wanted to take our time.

The creative process is definitely the most important thing about being in a band” Between albums, the band parted ways with the DFA and instead began work with Paul Epworth, Ewan Pearson and Dangermouse on ‘Pieces’ (from one set of achingly cool dance producers to another, it’s a hard life). According to Vito, “Paul’s really great in the studio, he’s so enthusiastic about music. He kept us high energy and positive”, althought it’s hard to imagine The Rapture ever needing to be energised judging from the performance they give later that night.

Despite working with some of the biggest, and most highly respected, names in dance, The Rapture admit to being huge pop fans: “The second album is like a pop album,” Vito says, “In fact, we actively tried to make a pop album. We decided this time that we wouldn’t be afraid to use those influences, whereas before I don’t think we would have done it”. Damn it, I knew I should have worn my Girls Aloud t-shirt.

In the past year, you’d have to have been living in a cave not to have heard of new-rave: the neonwearing, glow-stick waving, Klaxon-bothering craze sweeping the nation (the NME have taken out shares in it). So when The Rapture first burst onto the scene five years ago, waving their cow bells and forcing people to dance like their feet were on fire (in a good way…), they were well ahead of the game. Vito excitedly exclaims that, “I heard earlier that we were the godfathers of new rave, which is nice. I don’t know what it means, but it’s nice.

I actually like the term better than punk-funk, or disco-rock, or dancepunk, or whatever. At least it’s a better term. I doubt those bands set out to be new rave, or consider themselves as new rave, they just made their music and suddenly they were new rave.”

I scribble a note to myself never

to call them any of the above in reviews ever again. This genre defining business is a tricky one. As the so-called ‘Godfathers’, The Rapture are a fair bit older than most other bands on the scene, something that Vito says, “Definitely helps you to avoid becoming a victim of your own success. I’ve been in this band for 8 years,” he expands, “and I‘ve been playing music for 11 years. It definitely helps. I see these young bands being blown up in the NME and they’ve got to be 21, 22 tops. I think if that had happened to us we would have lost it, we would’ve lost our minds.” Don’t worry though guys, they’re not going anywhere

for a while, as Vito says they’ll continue “indefinitely”, for the love of it. It’s hard to imagine Luke Jenner dancing quite so wildly with a hip replacement in 25 years time, but hopefully anything’s possible with the miracles of modern science.

In their last single ‘Wooh! Alright, Yeah, Uh-Huh’ (try saying that drunk), Matt bemoaned the fact that, “People don’t dance no more”.

Looking at the crowd later that night, as they morph into a mass of jumping bodies, nothing could be futher from the truth. Vito admits that the song is somewhat misleading as, “People actually do dance more now”, but that it sums up the

whole philosophy of this most colourful of bands: “Don’t sit around bitching about it, just go out and have a good time”. Definitely one to try following. Go on, crack a smile, have a dance. It’ll make you live longer.

Does that tickle your fancy?

Are your feet already tapping in antipation? Then check out The Rapture's new album, 'Pieces of the People We Love', out now!

> music: album and single reviews

> 28 new singles by... ...the deputy ed.

Bloc Party

'I Still Remember'

09/04/07

The only thing I can think of to compare this song to is the current ‘this isn’t just apple pie…’ Marks and Spencers advert.

Yes, it actually is a little slice of heaven, features orgasmic vocals and a steaming chocolate sponge.

Mmmm. Ok, that was a lie, but you get the idea. ‘I Still Remember’ is ridiculously nostalgic, has fantastically self-indulgent lyrics and a beautiful, catchy melody. This is love. Apparently, singer Kele and his mistress/master’s (will we ever know which?) ‘love could have soared over playgrounds and rooftops’, but it appears that she/ he has rejected him! The world has blatantly gone mad and personally, I’d like a stern word or two with the subject of this song. Oh Kele…

Modest Mouse

'Dashboard'

20/03/07

Johnny Marr and those tasty guitar licks of his have officially hopped aboard Modest Mouse. Welcome.

In addition, an excessive amount of strings, horns and… oo, sounds like an egg shaker (previously known as the-instrument-that-was-always-left-out-during junior-school-music-classes, until today) have followed suit. The result is yet another original, discorock gem from Modest Mouse, and will undoubtedly plunge this once alternative band even further into the heart of the mainstream. “But I heard them first” I hear you whimper. Our hearts go out to you…

Tiny Dancers

'I will wait for you'

19/03/07

This is a pop song, featuring stupid, repetitive lyrics, crooned by Blondie drenched in glitter and with slightly deeper vocals. You will desperately want to detest it. However, it is catchy, and even the most well-trained brain can’t resist catchy. If Dawson’s Creek was still alive and kicking (dear God, we beg!), then this would undoubtedly be the backing music as Dawson sidles past Joey Potter’s house, mournfully tilting that wonderfully domed head of his up to her window. He knows full well that she is getting her groove on with that mongrel, Pacey, yet shouts “I will wait for you” all the same. Tragic really. I digress…

So yes, this is pure, unadulterated cheese/crap, but who really hates that? We grew up in the 90s for heaven’s sake.

The Good, The Bad and The Queen, 'Green Fields' 02/04/07 ‘Green Fields’ is a sombre affair, and not really one to end the new singles column with.

Ah well. It’s a mellow, dreamy little number and features some rather pleasant guitar plucking. Other than this however, it’s pretty dire. It works superbly as a part of the album, but by itself it will either make you want to go to sleep or slit your wrists with the beautifully decorated disk.

Hopefully it will not be the latter and you will live to read the next instalment of Vision’s New Singles column. Ta ta.

LCD Soundsystem 'Sound of Silver' 12/03/07

A

warning: being the unbelievably witty comic that I am, I have decided that it would be just hilarious to write this review using titles of the aforementioned band’s songs.

Make sense? Right, here we go…

I have been listening to LCD Soundsystem literally ‘on repeat’, since I first bought their self-titled debut album last year.

It was a ‘great release’, and, not being one to pre-judge (oh no, not me), I was expecting their new offering to more than live up it. Well to be frank, this band are ‘losing their edge’. What were exciting, original, electro tunes with ‘thrills’ abound, are slowly becoming ‘tired’, monotonous, and, well, just boring. While ‘Sound of Silver’ does demonstrate some of the [The Arcade Fire: All pooped out after creating their new album. But it was worth it though, eh?] same ‘beat connections’ and notice it. I suppose subtle would pumping, repetitive synth riffs of steam, with choruses often disThe Horrors be the best way to describe this as their first album, it seems solving into repetitive ramblings. record. Yes, I like that, subtle. to lack any potential corkers, In all The Ripps are simply another 'Strange House' With subtle riffs and subtle lyrlet alone anything we haven’t generic indie band that the already Out Now previously heard. ‘Give it up’, bulging scene just doesn’t need. ics: the kind that wash over you LCD Soundsystem; isn’t it ‘time RACHAEL EYTON until you notice they’re actually to get away’ from what you’ve raped in black PVC and quite clever, or witty, or poigndone before, or, in the very least, misinformed mascara, The ant. But not pretentious, which produce something familiar but Horrors have comprehensive- I think is the most satisfying vaguely good? ‘North American ly painted themselves with the teen part. It’s an album that grows Scum’ (note: genuine song refangst brush. They are an unfortu- on you, gently, with its funky literence), the band’s recently nate amalgam of post-Sex Pistols tle beats and fun samples woven Maximo Park released single, is probably the anger, fashionable pretension into an entire track with guitars best track on the album, but seeand Charles Manson, and are so and keyboards and drums and 'Our Earthly Pleasures' ing as we’ve all heard it already, deliberate in their quest for ‘fucka piano, then suddenly its over 02/04/07 is hardly ‘something great’ you’, anti-establishment rock that without you realising, and you (excuse that one). So, when ‘all they forget all about originality. need to play it again. And again. my friends’ approach me with t may be a clichéd thing to 'Strange House' starts with a track And again. the ‘tribulation’ of whether or say, but it was always going named ‘Jack the Ripper’ and ends LOULLA-MAE ELEFTHERIOUnot to buy ‘Sound of Silver’, to be difficult for Maxïmo with ‘Death At The Chapel’ and is SMITH what will I tell them? Well the Park (named after a meeting described in a by-line as “Psychotic album is basically ‘innocuous’, place of Cuban Revolutionaries Sounds for Freaks and Weirdos’; it but I probably wouldn’t recom– don’t you love Wikipedia) to is so self-consciously rebellious so mend any of them to waste their make a second album as good as as to plant its roots firmly in the The Arcade Fire money buying it. I don’t have their debut, ‘A Certain Trigger’. mainstream. The Horrors sit in the company of My Chemical Romance ‘too much love’ to give, that’s for But they’ve managed it.

'Neon Bible' in their commitment to subversion, sure. Normal talk: it’s a disapThose of you who have Out Now pointment. already heard the first single and they are laughable because of from the album, ‘Our Velocity’, it; so desperately try-hard that it RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH hurts. very so often, I renounce will be aware of their new, heavier sound. But fear not, they’re Musically, the album misfires indie, and music in generstill recognisably the same band, on all cylinders. Tracks blend into al. In a musical landscape and from the first track of the one another and expel any hint of where The Fratellis are hailed as album ‘Girls Who Play Guitars’ innovation through the unrelenting the saviours of rock, and The Artic onwards, it is clear that their droning of an organ. The vocals are Monkeys have practically been canThe Ripps new sound is more than a calculaced with an enthusiastic hatred onised, can you blame me? Then lated attempt at re-gaining any that went out in the late-70s, leav- The Arcade Fire return with 'Neon 'Long Live The Ripps' lost credibility. ing behind them tired compositions Bible', the follow up to 'Funeral', One of the most distinguishdevoid of creativity. It is easy music itself arguably the best album of 19/03/07 ing things about Maxïmo Park, to make because it is the audible 2005, and my resolve crumbles. For that has always stopped them product of those that precede it, the second album from one of the oventry based newbies The blending into the mass of indisand yet in its tight-jeans, big hair world’s most intriguing rock bands Ripps release their optimisti- tinguishable bands, is Paul approach it appeals to a market vul- is massive, magical, and manages to cally titled debut LP ‘Long Smith’s strong Newcastle accent. nerable to such regurgitated drivel. get away with using a church organ. live The Ripps’ at a time where However, unlike the vast majorFew adjectives seem appropriate to Stand out track ‘Intervention’ it seems all you need to succeed ity of bands, you can clearly describe this band and this album. opens with a burst of organ chords is a ‘The’ in your name and the hear the lyrics, which are never Perhaps, horrible, horrendous and before Win Butler’s doomladen ability to look good in a pair of drowned out by the crashing guihorrific are apt. vocals drag you into a world that skinny jeans. For those of us not so tars and keyboards. Not only MATT HOUGHTON paradoxically manages to be both easily sucked into the indie scene that, but they’re actually worth oppresively lonely and intensely however we also need good music; listening to, they may deal with affirming. It’s a bleak landscape and good music this is not. Imagine familiar topics of love and loss, Butler and co paint, but when the The Fratellis but replace the lead the lyrics never veer into tritemusic’s this good, it still manages to Mr Hudson and the Library singer with a foul-mouthed cockney ness, raising suspicions that be uplifting, and tracks ‘Keep The ‘rebel’ and then make them just Smith may actually be the love Car Running’ and ‘No Cars Go’ are 'A Tale of Two Cities' less than half as good. Heavily 70’s child of Morrissey and Jarvis ideally placed to lighten the mood punk-influenced vocals from lead Cocker (an admittedly scary somewhat, being far more danceOut Now singer Patch Lagunas clash dis- concept). A particular stand-out able, and less likely to make you sob astrously with the modern power track is ‘Books From Boxes’, a into your i-pod. Intensely moving, pop over which they’re shouted, slower track, which I challenge want to call this album acid this is the kind of album that comproviding an end result similar to anyone to listen to without getjazz, or lounge jazz, or make mands your full attention, there’s being verbally abused in one ear ting a lump in the throat. up some all-encompassing no way The Arcade Fire could ever and lovingly caressed in the other.

This album isn’t perfect; new term to try and describe produce background music, even if Finding little to rebel against in there could be more variety in what it sounds like. But that they wanted to. today’s society The Ripps strug- styles between the tracks, and would be stupid, and it doesn’t There doesn’t appear to be much of gle to find lyrics to match their after a brilliant start it drags a sound like any of those things a progression from 'Funeral', and vocal style; angry ditties about lazy bit towards the end. But they’ve as it is. No, for now, let’s call it… perhaps 'Neon Bible' occasionally students and binge drinking not overcome the curse of a successMr Hudson and the Library. I’m fails to hit the heights one might sounding quite as credible as the ful first album, to release one sorry, I really can’t think. I’m have expected by erring on the side defiant angst ridden songs of their that is even better. confused. This album is incredof caution rather than breaking idols The Clash or The Sex Pistols. ibly relaxed and chilled, it could out as wildly as I’d hoped, but even Occasional moments of originality NICOLA SARD easily be background music, but when Arcade Fire don’t get it 100% shine through such as on opening the kind of background music right, they’re still more exciting track ‘Loco’ which features interyou secretly listen to every beat and innovative than most other esting Spanglish lyrics hinting at of, and that makes you feel bands out there, and for this they the Laguna brothers’ Chilean heritincredibly cool. Mr Hudson himdeserve to be lauded. age. The rest of the album however self has a soft but definite voice, fails to impress with tracks such put through a few bits of equipKATIE JACOBS as ‘Hypocrite’ which start off surment to distort it slightly, to prisingly well but rapidly run out the point where you only just

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> music: live reviews

> 29 were men there old enough to be my father, dressed in their Levi’s and chequered shirts. That’s right, old men rocking out, but do not scoff. Though my dad actually was at their gig in London it does not mean that The Black Keys constitute as ‘dad-rock’. The age span within their audience only owes them more respect, as it means the music they make is completely original, that there’s nobody else at the moment that sounds remotely like them. And they’re fucking cool.

The Twang Fibbers, York 28/02/07

W

ith more swagger than a robber’s swag bag, this Birmingham five piece are stealing the hearts of audiences nationwide, or they certainly were at this sold-out midweek Fibbers show.

Seemingly coming from nowhere to steal the runners-up spot in the BBC ‘Sound of 2007’ poll (ahead of Klaxons amongst others), they have since gained considerable radio play and are building a steady fan base of 20-something indie haircuts. Yet this combined with their ‘chavchic’ appeal drew a mixed crowd in terms of both age and tastes.

Described as being uncomplicated, unpretentious and endearingly honest, much like The Streets when they first emerged, The Twang also have a rough edge. Lead singer, Phil Etheridge (the new Mike Skinner?) plays up to this onstage asking ‘where are the drugs man?’, to which an overenthusiastic fan eagerly obliged and was duly evicted from the venue…

A shame for him – he missed out on standout tracks such as the up-beat ‘Either Way’ and the endearing ‘Dry Your Eyes’-esque, upcoming single ‘Wide Awake’ (both currently available on their myspace) during a sometimes atmospheric and sometimes foot stomping, dance inspired set.

While their current tour has sold-out, catch them whilst they’re still playing smallish venues (on a new tour starting 8th May) because these lovable ruffians are gonna be, in their own words, ‘avin it!

DREW CLARKE

Half Man Half Biscuit.

Manchester Academy 1.

16/02/07

T

wenty years into a frankly ludicrous ‘career’, the bizarre allure of Half Man Half Biscuit shows little sign of abating.

With zero promotion, tonight’s gig at the spacious Academy 1 comes impressively close to selling out and with an army of bald 40-something men moshing down the front in Dukla Prague away kits (don’t ask), some are left bemused as to why Birkenhead’s second finest are such a cult draw. A 30 song set bordering on two hours powerfully demonstrates the band’s appeal. Launching into ‘Shit Arm, Bad Tattoo’ from 2005’s career-best Achtung Bono, Nigel Blackwell and his motley crew quickly set the tone.

With a rush of past hits including ‘Paintball’s Coming Home’, a triumphant six minute version of ‘Twenty Four Hour Garage People’ (are you getting the idea yet?) and, yes, even that bloody song about the singer out of Slipknot going to Rome to see the pope, it’s an incredible show.

Grown men in Tranmere scarves are weeping with joy at the back whilst the memory of 2000 people singing along to the lyrics of ‘Joy Division Oven Gloves’ will surely not fade away anytime soon. Whilst they may close an epic set with the mantra: ‘There is nothing better in life than writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro’, there is surely nothing better in life than watching Half Man Half Biscuit covering The Fall’s ‘Container Drivers’ as an encore (well, to this writer at least). “They’re really just soundbites, aren’t they?” asks a humbled Blackwell at one stage. Well, yes, Nigel, but that’s the whole point.

Magic.

DAN SMITH

LOULLA-MAE SMITH

ELEFTHERIOU-

Millburn Leeds Cockpit 22/02/07

N

[The Black Keys: Garage Rock vs. Dad Rock? I think not.]

Charlotte Hatherly The Cockpit, Leeds 01/03/07

A

lthough perhaps better known as the former guitarist of Ash, Hatherley has been working on her solo career for almost two years now, releasing her second album ‘Deep Blue’ this week. Her style is less grungy than Ash but her live show proves that she rocks just as hard.

Kicking off with latest single ‘I Want You to Know’ she soon launches into favourites from her previous album including ‘Kim Wilde’ and ‘Summer’ to get the crowd going. Though she rarely communicates with the audience, her claim that we were the ‘best fucking crowd of the whole tour’ receives many cheers, but of course she most likely says this at every gig. While her vocals are strong, at times she risks being drowned out by the guitars, though this is no bad thing, as it is often the fiddly guitar parts that one is drawn to, if only to wonder how she manages to sing another melody over the top! A backing vocalist and second guitarist help to fill out her sound, complimenting her catchy rock/pop songs such as the popular ‘Bastardo’ and new song ‘Again’. The mood slows for ‘Be Thankful’ but the guitars are soon turned back up for a mini jamming session.

The encore, including ‘Wounded Sky’, perhaps one of Hatherley’s best new songs, and a cover of XTC’s (possibly a nod to their singer and guitarist Andy Partridge whom produced her latest album) concludes the gig, and Hatherley has certainly proven her worth…who were Ash again?

LAURA SOOLEY

Willy Mason City Screen Basement Bar, York 06/03/07

A

nyone who has been to City Screen’s intimate Basement Bar will know just how close to a performer you can get, and as I strategically perch my bottom on the last chair of the front row (so as to ensure said performer absolutely has to brush past my leg), twentytwo year old lumberjack-shirt-clad Willy Mason emerges to as much

rapturous applause as seventy odd people can muster, and takes to the tiny stage. With a furtive glance and a gentle but friendly “hey there”, Mason launches into Live It Up, a relatively unknown track from his first commercial release in 2004 GMa’s Basement EP, but nonetheless a song to which the vast majority of the audience silently mouth the words. Silently indeed, since no-one dares disturb the flawlessly gorgeous sound emanating from the mouth of probably the oldest twenty-two year soul in the world. As his acoustic set continues, quietly protestatory songs such as 'We Can Be Strong', 'Hard Hand to Hold' and 'Gotta Keep Walking' are reminiscent of folk days long gone by, inevitably evoking the memory of both Cash and Dylan as Mason’s voice effortlessly soars and flows through each and every spectator. Drawing to a close with a cheeky “class dismissed”, the lyrics of Mason’s anthemic 'Oxygen' expose the poignant and faultless simplicity of his performance, and as he reaches the chorus singing “On and on and on it goes, the world it just keeps spinning”, it seems that just for a while, it is only Mason who can make it stop.

KATIE JACKSON

Howling Bells The Cockpit, Leeds 08/03/07

I

t was only five months ago that I was in the same venue, (albeit in the smaller of the two rooms at The Cockpit), completely captivated by Howling Bells who looked as if there was no other place they’d rather be.

So tonight I approached this second round with a few expectations and unfortunately Juanita and her boys didn’t quite live up to them. As ever her vocals are effortlessly seductive: opening with 'The Bell Hit' she captivates the crowd from the start while next to her, brother Joel coaxes those notes from his guitar which evoke images of miles of empty desert and clear night skies. In fact tonight Joel is the highlight; he is so mesmerized by the instrument strapped round him it is as if no one else is in the room. However, on occasion Juanita’s heart does not really seem to be in the evening. It’s as if she is bored of repeating the same songs over and over, indeed there is a distinct lack of any new material in their set a year after their first album has been released. To add to this

in the past five months Juanita seems to have grown a little too big for her boots, might we say.

After asking someone on stage to film them, (apparently all the YouTube footage of them is “shit”), her response to the request of a photo is “Are you serious?”; yes Juanita, that’s what happens when you ask a fan up on stage wielding a camera.

As one girl commented, “there’s a fine line between cool and pretentious”: here’s hoping Howling Bells haven’t crossed that yet.

REBECCA SHORT

The Black Keys Sheffield Leadmill 22/02/07

T

here is one thing you need to know about The Black Keys: they are fucking cool. I don’t mean cool in the sense of strutting about on stage in sunglasses, grasping their crotches, because they don’t. I don’t mean cool in the sense that they get off their faces and start shooting up on stage, because a) they don’t, and b) that is not cool (Doherty, take note).

No, they are cool because there are only two of them: one on drums and one on a guitar. The front man has an amazingly bluesy voice, and they sound like original garage rock, and by garage rock I mean sounding like they actually recorded in the garage of their house. They are also cool because of the audience they’ve managed to pull together.

I must have been one of the youngest in the c r o w d , wedged in between a load of twenty to thirty-somethings and above. There [Willy Mason: country chic]

ow, I’m all up for home pride and am thrilled to see that Milburn have acquired a hefty fan base, but this gig really took the biscuit.

Foolishly, I positioned myself at the helm of the herd of hardened northerners, all ‘riled up’ to the top button of their Penguin polo shirts, yelling “Yoooorksha!

Yoooorksha!” (yes, that’s right, we are in Leeds, people) into my convulsing ear drums. As the only girl (I looked thoroughly) in the venue, the only southerner (I did not dare to speak or sing all the way through for fear of decapitation), attired in a dress (never again) I felt more than a tad uneasy. Trying to see past the crazed stage divers and stage dancers was a wee bit of a challenge, but what I did see was rather pleasing. Old favourites ‘Cheshire Cat Smile’, ‘Storm in a Teacup’ and ‘Send in the Boys’ were all present and correct. Meanwhile, ‘Well Well Well’ was unquestionably the fourteen-song set’s finest few minutes, featuring their signature gutsy, jump-inducing bass line and the broadest northern accents to grace the whole of the venue. A number of promising new tracks were also showcased, including the opener ‘Low and Behold’, a mellow, harmonised track, comparable to that magical opening number in the 'Lion King' (you love it already). Hold the skinny jeans and daft, sightobscuring haircuts, these wideeyed youngsters are armed with a lack of pretentiousness and a substantial array of new songs that will surely give 2007’s music scene a good thumping. Shiver.

C A M I L L E AUGARDE

> 30

> film

Film

If at first you don't succeed...

Consistently make excellent quality films and after your sixth Oscar nomination you might just get what you deserve. In light of Scorcese's recent win, Matt Houghton explores the controversial and much disputed wins and snubs of yesteryear.

Academy Awards between them, and they are testament to some of the most memorable characters on screen ever - from Don M i c h a e l Corleone to The Joker.

Silence of the Lambs and American B e a u t y , Gladiator and Crash; all bare the Best Picture title, and deservedly so. Yet, what makes the Oscars at

Cult Classic

Rich Williams takes it back to the Mean Streets

S

corsese's Mean Streets follows the plight of small time debt collector Charlie (Keitel), uncertain about his profession and burdened by a highly moral and deeply religious conscience. His relatioship with epileptic Teresa and friendship with temperamental troublemaker Johnny Boy (De Niro) threaten to unbalance his future success and force him to confront his seemingly irreconcilable values of Christian charity and desire for power on the streets of Little Italy.

Harvey Keitel is nothing short of excellent in the lead role. His quiet, troubled and caring character provides the emotional core

of the movie as he struggles to forsake the people closest to him and succumb to his own personal ambition. Despite this, his performance is somewhat overshadowed by the volatile Johnny Boy, a De Niro relatively unfamiliar to most cinema lovers. Excitable, humorous and incredibly irrational, his explosive performance is a far cry from his later gritty and measured acting style.

Significantly this is also Scorsese at his most raw. Snapshot style sequences open compelling windows into Charlie's life, operating outside of any traditional narrative structure. The scatty, erratic direction serves well to create the bustling unpredictability of Charlie's world and the sense of

once interesting and forever engaging is the undeniable fact that every so often the Academy gets it astoundingly wrong.

Martin Scorsese has long been cited as the best director in modern times never to have won an Academy Award for direction; a title that, in light of his success at this year’s Oscar ceremony, he has - perhaps with a twinge of sadness – been forced to concede. The Departed, for which the legendary director picked up both the Best Picture and Best Director accolades, is, inarguably, an excellent film - laced with tension, underpinned by intrigue and overlaid with his trademark nonchalant cool. Despite being described by the director himself as the first film he’s ever made with a plot, it is vintage Scorsese. And yet, regardless of the fact that The Departed is a highly valuable film and a veritable showcase for perhaps the best director of our generation, it is not by any stretch his best work. For a director whose film repertoire includes Mean Streets, Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, Goodfellas and Casino this year’s success may well feel tantamount to an honorary Oscar; an attempt at correcting a widely recognised cinematic crime. And it is not the first time.

Hollywood history is littered with actors, actresses and directors never to have been graced with the industry’s most significant honour. A Clockwork Orange¸ Dr. Strangelove and Singing In The Rain were all denied Oscars in their respective years, and Dirty Harry, King Kong ( the 1933 one!) and Reservoir Dogs inexcusably didn’t even receive so much as a single nomination. Tim Burton, George Lucas and Stanley Kubrick have criminally never won an award for directing – being grossly overlooked by the Academy on a number of occasions – and Samuel L. Jackson, Steve McQueen and Morgan Freeman have gone equally unrewarded. In short, the Academy is far from the be-all-and-end-all as far as cinema is concerned.

inevitable catastrophe. Scenes of laughter become spliced with scenes of violence generating an unavoidable sense of unease that pervades the film.

Mean Streets also bears witness to Scorcese's flair for innovation behind the camera. One particular scene sees an absolutely hammered Keitel stagger through his friends' bar, meeting, greeting and passing out, all maintained from a highly zoomed Keitel perspective.

Fresh and unrefined, peppered with the Stones 70s classics, bathed in equal measures of drunkeness, hilarity, tension and violence, the film screams everything cult. Essential viewing for both fans of Scorsese and fans of simply great cinema.

Certainly, some omissions can be explained, sometimes simply because a number of great films or performances have occurred in the same year. Perhaps The Shawshank Redemption is the most conspicuous example, losing out on the Best Picture Oscar and the Best Actor Oscar for Morgan Freeman because it had the unfortunate luck of being in the company of Forest Gump. It

This year’s success may well feel tantamount to an honorary Oscar; an attempt at correcting a widely recognised cinematic crime. And it is not the first time.

“

T

he Oscars are highly divisive both with regards to the film industry and the wider film-going public. Year after year they stimulate countless hours of coffee table discourse over whether or not the winners were deserving of the ‘prestigious’ accolades, not least because essentially film is an entirely subjective medium. Importantly, the Academy Awards can be, and often are, recognition of filmic greatness. Robert De Niro, Al Pacino and Jack Nicholson have six

“

was an interesting battle because the two films represent, in their own specific ways, precisely what the Academy deem conducive to cinematic prowess. Both are period pieces with an ‘American Dream’ backdrop and a thread of morality, bolstered by strong individual performances delivered by established actors. In truth, either film could have walked away with a handful of trophies because both were essentially a safe choice for the Academy. Yet tellingly, it was also the year that Pulp Fiction and Four Weddings lost out; and, in fact, never got a look in.

Essentially, the Academy drifts between what it considers cinematically important – epics such as Titanic and Gladiator were once a sure thing for a Best Picture accolade, but have given way to subtler offerings like A Beautiful Mind and Crash. Best Performance awards have, in recent years, been wholly dominated by those depicting real people in biopic pieces,

from Ray Charles to Idi Amin to the Queen. It is this consistently shifting changing climate that amounts to the inevitable fact that some will go overlooked. Yet, despite their faults and the unshakable stigma firmly grafted onto the little golden man, the Oscars remain highly significant. They are significant, not because they triple the fee for anyone boasting one or because they are genuinely symbolic of ability or worth, but because they stimulate debate and discussion that moulds the cinematic landscape. It doesn’t matter that Hitchcock has never won an Oscar (until 1968 for a hastily awarded 'lifetime achievement' Oscar) - no one denies the fact that he is quite possibly the best director ever. Nor does it matter that Denzel Washington was highly undeserving of the Best Actor award for Training Day. The Oscars are described as the most important night on the movie industry calendar, and rightly so, because they provide an arena within which the finer points of film are thrashed out, examined and reviewed.

What matters is that people talk about it and, eventually, decide for themselves.

VI 'BESSION'S TOP BL T 1. SUNDERWINNTEN ER' Love hakesp S e (

2. L 199 are i n Retuord of 9) 3.Br rn of the Ri 4. D avehe the K ngs: Wol ances art (19ing 5. F ves (1 with 95) (199orrest 991) Gum 6. O 4) p 7. R liver!

8. T ocky ( (1969) 9. K itanic 1977) (198 ramer (1997) vs K 10. 0) ram er (196 My Fai r La 4) dy

[Keitel failed to prove his tie was the better tie]

> film: reviews

> 31

Dir: Neil Burger Starring: Edward Norton, Paul Giamatti, Jessica Biel, Rufus Sewell Certificate: PG Running Time: 110 mins

I

n tur n-of-the-century Austria, the son of a carpenter (Norton) falls in love with a woman far above his own social position. It’s not an ideal situation, especially as said woman hooks up with the crown prince: a corrupt, powerhungry bully who enjoys slapping his girlfriends around. Ok, so the ‘lowly boy falling for the unattainable girl’ story is not exactly original. This is no ordinary boy, though. He grows up to become Eisenheim, an illusionist extraordinaire, capable of trickery that would keep Derren Brown awake at night.

It’s no wonder that his audiences gasp in amazement. And, although his gimmicks are less astonishing to cinema-goers well-versed in today’s techni-

GHOST RIDER

“

THE ILLUSIONIST

cal wizardry, it’s an altogether different kind of magic that is the real highlight of this film.

Edward Norton’s performance is captivating. His compelling intensity provides sparkle to a weak plot. That’s not to say he’s hasn’t got some decent support: Paul Giammati is highly engaging as the sympathetic inspector who is torn between his working-class roots and his professional allegiance to the crown prince.

There’s no doubt that Neil Burger does a good job of recreating the olde-worlde vibe.

In fact, aesthetically, the film is a thing of beauty. But that comes with a downside. The sepia palette and daguerreotype tone are all well and good but may well prevent the audience from fully engaging with the love story on which the plot pivots. Go and see this film for the acting talent on display.

Like Eisenheim, Norton has a gift. Just sit back and enjoy....

E d w a r d Norton’s performance is captivating.

His compelling intensity provides sparkle to a weak plot.

“

CLARE TAYLOR

✰✰✰✰✰

Dir: Mark Steven Johnson Starring: Nicolas Cage, Eva Mendes, Peter Fonda Running Time: 114 mins Certificate: 12 A Release Date: Out Now

G

host Rider is the latest in the long line of films based around comic books that have become popular since the hugely successful release of X-Men in 2000.

However these films have been a fairly hit and miss bunch.

For every Batman Begins and X-Men there is a Daredevil and Fantastic Four. Unfortunately Ghost Rider falls into the latter category.

From what I could gather the somewhat confused plot c e n t r e s a r o u n d

Johnny Blaze (Cage in an unconvincing wig), who sells his soul to Mephistopheles (Fonda) in order to save his loved ones.

When Blackheart (Bentley) comes to earth to try and take it over, Mephistopheles calls in his debt ordering Blaze to turn into the Ghost Rider and stop Blackheart.

While the plot is the fairly standard hero verses villain with a love story tacked on the side (Mendes as one of the movies few upsides plays Blaze’s love interest) often found in this genre of film, it is not only the plot that prevents the movie from reaching the heights of Batman Begins and the X-Men movies. The characters have no depth and Bentley does his best to overact every one of his lines. However, the film’s biggest Achilles heel is its lack of any truly memorable action sequences and CGI that is about as convincing as Cage’s hair piece.

Although Ghost Rider is not as awful as The Hulk it is not a film that I would recommend paying money to see, but if you still feel compelled to see it (maybe as some sort of punishment) I would wait for the DVD. HARRY CAMERON

✰✰✰✰✰ [Nicolas Cage: just don't mention the words 'receeding' and 'hairline' or he'll run you down] [Norton: 'Got your Nose', Giamatti: 'Piss off']

Dir: Clint Eastwood Starring: Ken Watanabe, Lucas Elliott, Kazunari Ninomiya Running Time: 140 mins Certificate: 15 Release Date: Out Now

“

I always thought the Americans were cowards,” confides one Japanese infantryman to his friend. “But now I’ve learned that they’re just like us”. Letters from Iwo Jima is run along these lines. It’s the ultimate con-film, tricking the potential viewer into thinking that despite Clint Eastwood is directing and despite the fact that he just made a film called Flags of Our Fathers (I mean, really) and despite Hollywood attempting to put itself in the shoes of a desperate Japanese army struggling to protect its homeland against America: despite all this, just perhaps, something might be made of it.

At least a vague idea of what was going on and why and what tactics were used might be gleaned. However, this film does nothing except provide ammunition for pessimists: it fails to convey any sense of what is going on, on any sort of scale; it fails to generate an emotional response at all; and

RUTH MACLEAN

✰✰✰✰✰

“

LETTERS FROM IWO JIMA

its sneakiness lacks even the engaging audacity of Apocalypto, for example. The depressing thing is that the true story (which this film is not), told without stage whispers and inaccurate mass suicides and Americanised characters all designed to provoke tears, is about as sad as it gets, and needed no intervention at all.

One scene that old Clinty no doubt expected to be terrifically poignant shows a dog getting shot and the children who own it crying. Really, when thousands of people in the vicinity are being slaughtered, there is no need for this. A predictably disappointing film.

“

This film does nothing but provide ammunition for pessimists

DVD: BORAT Dir: Larry Charles Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Kev Davatian Running Time: 84 mins Certificate: 15 Release Date: Out Now It’s already been well documented just how funny this film is, and I expect its DVD release will be massively popular without a barrage of extras, outtakes and other Sacha Baron Cohen shaped hilarity. That said, the DVD does contain a plethora of extras that make the film eminently re-watchable. The film itself follows Cohen as the inept Kazakhstani Borat Sagdiyev around America as he exposes it (and himself, but in a different way) for the weird nation that it is.

Disjointed interviews with the people of America are interspersed with tender (well, I thought they were tender) exchanges between Borat and his manager Azamat played with gusto by Ken Davitian. It’s all very funny and clever, as well you know.

The quantity and quality of the extras to be found on the DVD are product of a character Cohen obviously feels a great deal of enthusiasm for.

A character with a little more heart than Ali G and perhaps

a little more comedy (and the impressions aren’t half as annoying).

Borat is a fountain of comic inspiration for Cohen and lets him run wild on the extras.

Pa r t i c u l a rly notable are the Kazakhstani version of

‘Baywatch’ called ‘Sexy Drown Watch’ and various fake promotional items featuring the feckless presenter. Also look out for the deleted scenes, particularly the one in the tattoo parlour. This is a worthwhile purchase which you’ll get a great deal of use out of as there are few people who will openly object to watching it for the eighteenth time. As you might say if you were particularly shameless, “Very nice.”

LANI PEACE

✰✰✰✰✰

[Borat: clearly overjoyed that Vision's discerning reviewers love his 'movie film']

> 32

> tv

teleVISION

Fast Cars and Massive Dogs Fed your dog seven donner kebabs this week? Raced a stolen car down an LA freeway recently? In that case, Richard Webb has found something for you...

D

own on your luck? Feeling depressed? Nothing going your way? Thinking about ending it all? Well just hold on a god damn minute you crazy psycho; don’t you know there’s probably a television somewhere you could be watching? Yes, it's now a well known fact that TV can take you off suicide watch for good and send you into a dreamy wonderland where nothing matters except knowing where the remote is, what you're going to eat during Neighbours and what the minimum amount of cash it would take for you to suck off Jeremy Kyle– personally it's 723 quid.

On the plus side there are a few new programmes out there and over the last week I've made it my mission to watch as many of these new things as possible making me a much more knowledgeable TV reviewer and overall better person in the process.

The adventure began, as most things do, with a group of sex mad, drugged up teenagers, an unattractive women and a group of sweaty, tunnel digging escaped convicts.

Unless you are what is commonly referred to as a ‘TV retard’ then you will be well aware that I’m talking about Skins (E4), Ugly Betty (Channel 4) and Prison Break (Five).

These were (except for Prison Break) massively hyped up programmes that were advertised for what seemed like decades but are now currently lingering around waiting to be watched by somebody.

However, since the Champions' League killed off any chance of me catching these programmes I have had to resort to some of the more obscure new shows out there…

I'm not sure why, but it was Channel Five and The Gadget Show (Monday 7.15pm) where I decided to begin a mission to watch things I've never seen before. After about seven seconds it became quite clear this wasn’t a great starting place. If it was the producer's aim to find three complete tossers to present the show then they have well and truly succeeded, they’ve filled all the general requirements: silly Carol Voderman wannabe woman, an annoying camp guy and a pretentious prick with a pretend posh deep voice that sounds like a combination of Stephen Fry and Jeremy Clarkson and therefore qualifies for the ‘most devastatingly irritating sound known to man’ award (unless of course football commentator Jonathon Pierce pips them to the post).

[Lassie had well and truly entered her 'Marlon Brando' years] The one episode which I watched also managed to disappoint on the Gadget front; under inspection were clothes that can resist 10 millimetres of water, which is like what, a teardrop? And the most exciting experiments undertaken to test the durability of these clothes involved sitting in a bath of cold water to see who would get cold quickest and a game of twister in a field while it was raining... unbelievably I’m not even making this up, it was that bad.

That was my first new programme and I’m pretty confident in saying that I won’t be coming back for more, I still feel slightly nauseous that I even had some in the first place. Things were looking good for my next programme, however, it was called Help! My Dog’s as Fat as Me (Tues BBC3) and promised to match every single one of my expectation. I also decided to take a look at Kill it, Cook it, Eat it on BBC4 because, as my primary school head teacher always used to tell us: everything’s so much better when animals are involved.

Since the end of Planet Earth last year, animals on television now have a whole new standard to live up to and any other nature programme now seems like some kind of 1970s GCSE biology video in comparison. Even if I’m watching a documentary about butterflies or owls or something (which I often do I’ll have you know), I still keep expecting to see a pack of lions start chasing an elephant up a massive mountain, ripping its carcass to shreds on the peak, as the camera slowly pans out to reveal the whole of Asia and some ridiculously dramatic music blasts away in the background.

But until Attenborough gets his ass in gear and makes Planet Earth 2, animals on TV are currently either staring in reality shows or being sliced up and eaten, live on camera. The former is the abovementioned, Help! My Dog’s as Fat as Me (why didn’t they just call it Fat Bitches and have done with it) and is hosted by professional gay Julian Bennett and his tiny dog that looks like a hamster wearing a gasmask. He’s also gone for the age-old presenting technique of over-the-top mincing and campness created and perfected by Andi Peters back in the mid 1990s.

Bennett’s campness allows him to get away with certain behaviour that no-one else in the world could pull off, such as stroking the womens stomachs and asking ‘so when’s it due?’ and confronting the big fat skin headed men, who look like they’d head butt you just to pass the time, and saying ‘ooh you fat fuck, I bet you can sweat gravy and shit children’ whilst gently caressing their man boobs.

The premise for Help! My Dog’s as Fat as Me is that Bennett, with the help of nutritional vetinary Nazis Paul and Amy, will slim down the fat dogs and also their fat owners, but I have a feeling that this first episode had all the best bits in. When asked to reveal their average weekly diet, the owners show off the usual 38 curries, 69 pints of lager, 700 fruit pastilles etc, but what is truly amazing is what these crazy bloaters are feeding their cuddly canines each week.

One bloke gives his dog chocolate bars, fried breakfasts and even Donner kebabs! Unsurprisingly this pet, a bull-dog, just seems to lie around all the time trying not to die of a heart attack, and he isn’t the only one in danger of losing its life. One woman on the show admitted to having killed four dogs in the past through overfeeding but expressed her hopes of keeping her current pet alive for longer, god bless her.

The major problems with this programme are that it gets quite boring quite quickly, the dogs aren’t really that fat (I was hoping to see

some kind of furry beached whale begging for treats with its stubby little paw) and that the chances of seeing host Bennett mauled by the pets and then eaten by the owners are slim to none, according to Ladbrokes.

However, every now and again a little gem crops up that suggest this could be one of those Wife Swap type programmes where we can all laugh at the contestants whilst simultaneously feeling good about ourselves. For me, the instance in this episode was when one of the owners said of her dog: ‘She’s just like the baby I could never have… even though I’ve actually got two other children.’

The other new animal orientated programme I watched was Kill it, Cook it, Eat it (Mondays BBC3) which aims to be educational and insightful, but is really just an excuse to show an animal getting an electric bolt in the head and then sliced apart by some bored slaughterhouse worker.

The butcher who discusses the meat is quite interesting since he’s some kind animal carcass Columbo and can tell things like; what the animal ate, if it had a stressful death, what its favourite Sugarbabes album was, just by looking at a bit of its flesh and fat.

Aside from that there aint much else to see here, apart from the presenter who obviously thinks this is the most important programme ever broadcast and goes around shoving his microphone into the faces of the participating audience, saying things like: ‘So what dya think about eating veal now, you rank bitch?’

Finally, the two other programmes I’d like to mention, although they’re not new and don’t contain animals, but are just oh so bloody fantastic, are Worlds Wildest Police Videos (ITV4) and Police, Camera, Action! (also ITV4).

Worlds Wildest is such an excellent programme it’s hard to describe in words, but I’ll try. It’s hosted by John Bunnell who starts off each episode with the tagline “Due to the graphic nature of this program, viewer discretion is advised”, so you know it’s gonna be good. Bunnell is often seen getting into a S.W.A.T team van or walking past a wrecked car whilst surrounding officers shoot the shit out of everything in the background.

Bunnell oversees the always exciting carnage with some of the best one liners known in TV history, heres just a few of his standard ones (most ending with … in jail!) all said in that deadly serious yet ridiculously over the top fasion which only an American can pull off: ‘Now this maniac is having his own private party... in jail!’

‘In this case it was out of the frying pan, into the jail cell’ (what does that even mean?)

‘This perp thought he was a cool customer. But now he can chill out - in jail!’

‘Petty thugs, selling drugs. If you think you can try and sell bammer, you’ll end up going to the slammer!’ (what the fuck is a Perp and a Bammer?!)

The English version of WWPV is called Police, Camera, Action!

And you can tell it’s the product of our boring little island from the very first moment. The presenter here is Alastair Stewart and without a shadow of a doubt he must be the basis for Alan Partridge, please just watch it and you will see exactly what I mean.

In Police, Camera, Action!, instead of seeing 200mph chases, incredible pile-ups, explosions and drunk teenagers getting shot at, we have a Vauxhall Corsa doing 39mph in a 30 zone or a white transit van double parked for two hours – seriously it’s that boring.

Instead of what happens in Worlds Wildest, where the camera cuts out just when you know the suspect is going to get the beating of a lifetime by the arresting officers, Camera, Action! often shows the suspect actually driving away after a crime, whilst you hear the police driver moaning on camera something like; ‘no no Frank slow down, he’s doin’ over 50, we’ll never catch ‘im now.’ What would John Bunnell say to that?

So there we have it, some tasty TV treats to try, some have been great, some have been shite and most have been downwright mediocre, but nobody should have any regrets in spending an hour of their time watching any of them.

After all, isnt this what coming to university was all about? No it wasn’t you stupid arse – now get back to pretending that 2:2 is going to get you somewhere…

A Few More Gems From Mr John Bunnell's World's Wildest Police Videos...

‘It’s like looking for a 80 mph needle in a skyscraper haystack.’

‘This man fights the law and the law wins -- the law of gravity.’

‘For the criminals, cash is for taking, cars are for chasing and law is for breaking’

> culture

> 33

Culture: Feature

Ruth MacMullen discusses the history behind 'African Snow' the first co-production between York Theatre companies Riding Lights and York Theatre Royal, marking the bicentenary anniversary of the abolition of slavery.

W

ith the bicentenary anniversary of the abolition of slavery imminent, it is an issue that has been little out of the public eye recently. The Act that was passed in England in 1807 is unique in that it contradicted economic factors at the time, namely the fact that Britain thrived off the slave trade. Harewood House in Yorkshire and Dyrham Park in Gloucestershire are tourist attractions that were funded by aristocratic fortunes made through the slave trade: examples of Britain’s so-called ‘noble’ heritage. The profits made through slavery in the eighteenth century made the fortunes of top elites in Britain: top scholars, industrialists, politicians, royalists; even clergymen.

African Snow, a co-production between Riding Lights and York Theatre Royal, promises ‘a pulsating human story’ that encompasses the lives of two prominent figures of the British abolition campaign: Olaudah Equiano - also known as Gustavus Vassa - and John Newton.

Newton is renowned as the slave trader who underwent catharsis; the author of the famous hymn

'Abolitions, 1807 - 2007: ending the slave trade in the transatlantic world' takes place at the Centre for Eighteenth-Century Studies, King’s Manor, York, 12 - 14 April 2007. www.york.ac.uk/conferences/ abolitions2007/abc.htm

'Amazing Grace'. It is true to state that from the ‘quiet racism’ implicit in many writings and memories surrounding the debate, less eminence is given to Equiano. Many in Britain, including myself, learned the name William Wilberforce when they were young: yet I did

not learn of Olaudah Equiano until my late teens. The Interesting Narrative of the Life of Olaudah Equiano, or Gustavus Vassa, the African, written by himself is a truly remarkable work that I hadn’t heard of until I came to uni. The spiritual autobiography is a literary genre that has been highly influential in society, being attributed to exploration of the self, and of society, and Equiano’s biography offers a unique perspective in the sense that it records his early life in Africa. Writing as a respected African-British freemason, Equiano searches for meaning behind the events that shaped his life, which had revolved around ‘the inhuman traffic of slavery’.

Being a historian myself, I can understand the difficulty in linking past with present, and truly emphasising with what happened two centuries ago. African Snow could provide the key, taking us ‘to the heart of the human condition.’ Understanding the motivation behind slavery goes some way to explaining why it was legally carried out in Britain for so long.

It gave the British economy a huge boost through the production of tea, coffee, rice, rum, tobacco and sugar, and, above all, the buying and selling of slaves. However, as Equiano’s perceptive social and economic arguments point out, Europe’s ‘one hundred and twenty millions of inhabitants’, although economically far superior, generated but a fraction of the revenue that Africa’s ‘millions’ could have if given the chance to prosper. The work of abolitionists like Wilberforce, Sharp and Clarkson served to galvanise the British public against slavery. Ultimately the slave trade was not ended by economics or affection for the African man; it was public campaign and moral reaction. It has been said that William Wilberforce himself was not overly fond of African slaves, but rather, he felt morally obliged to crusade for England’s ‘spiritual state’. As African Snow pertinently asks, is it conceivable that Newton and Equiano should be reconciled, or is this ‘beyond the face of human reason’? The stereotype of the white abuser and the

[Olaudah Equiano was a key figure in the movement to abolish slavery]

black victim is a well known one.

Once white people became enlightened to the true horrors of slavery, many signed petitions and partook in mass demonstrations against it but to what extent was this superficial, since slavery had already been going on for years? These issues and more still need to be explored, and bringing it to life on the stage seems a good method to try. Like Newton, in true Shakespearian style, the audience will be invited to undergo some form of catharsis, too.

Unless you’ve been living in a cave for the last year, you’re sure to have stumbled across the words ‘slavery’, ‘debate’, and ‘public apology’ at some point. In a nutshell: many African people want an apology for the years of suffering, humiliation and degradation suffered by their ancestors. Many top people in Britain, including Tony Blair, are reluctant to issue a full public apology as they feel that this would be tantamount to protraction and lead to claims for reparations from descendants of Africans sold into slavery. Many have dismissed the apology debate as futile gesture politics. Regardless, it is true that there is an inherent need to pave the way for some form of recognition. Tony Blair, in a statement to be published in the black New Nation newspaper: ‘It is hard to believe what would now be a crime against humanity was legal at the time. I believe the bicentenary offers us not only a chance to say how profoundly shameful the slave trade was - how we condemn its existence utterly and praise those who fought for its abolition but also to express our deep sorrow that it could ever have happened and rejoice at the better times we live in.’

Whilst a public debate would be an internationally recognised gesture, it seems futile to apologise on behalf of our ancestors. Whilst it is true that the Portuguese and the French were in Africa earlier than the British, and that slavery was a thriving industry within Africa, Britain should look to her past and see how it was shaped by the slave trade: her strong merchant navy, an economy based on the gains of seafaring, and powerful colonial empires. It has shaped the lives and fortunes of many Africans living in Britain today. It has been remarked that Britain ruled the world from the barrel of a gun.

Slave ships and the middle passage were some of the most horrifying things that a slave could endure: on a ‘good’ voyage, only a fifth would die from disease, starvation, or mistreatment. The infamous case of the Zong insurance scam in 1783, in which 183 slaves were thrown overboard still in shackles, came to light through the work of Equiano, with the support of abolitionist Granville Sharp. It is all very well noting that Britain’s public eventually rallied in the campaign against slavery, but we would do well to remember that slavery legally took place in Britain since the 16th century.

This enduring debate raises the question over whether history can effectively be rewritten. As the brains behind African Snow tell us, ‘1807 was one victory in a battle that has intensified… in 1807 there were 4 million slaves worldwide… today there are over 20 million.’ So, the heated dispute surrounding a two hundred year old problem is given a fresh immediacy pertaining to now: slavery is not just an issue that affected people hundreds of years ago. It is illegal under international law

['African Snow' weaves together the stories of John Newton, former slave trader and Olaudah Equiano, a former slave ] to make somebody your slave, but exploitation and prostitution continues in many countries today.

As Equiano has sagely remarked, ‘May the time come… when the [sable] people shall gratefully commemorate the auspicious era of extensive freedom.’ We may rejoice that Britain no longer has any ‘direct’ part in slavery, but this is no longer enough. Illegal workers and sex slaves are still trafficked in, and abroad, children as well as adults are forced into illegal work in West Africa and Brazil.

The state of foreign affairs has changed dramatically over the last two decades. With an increased emphasis on internationalism and human rights, we should make it our business to campaign against slavery and human exploitation wherever we can. We should not take freedom for granted.

For those of you that are interested in the slave trade debate, our very own university is hosting a conference: Abolitions, 1807 - 2007: ending the slave trade in the transatlantic world. This promises to ‘look afresh at the voices of abolition, to explore the impact of 1807 for Africa, for the Caribbean, and for the European slaving powers, and finally to understand the longer-term meaning and legacy of abolition the 20th and 21st centuries.’ This also covers lectures on international law in relation to the containment of transatlantic slavery, and many lectures covering the history and modern status of slavery abroad.

So, if African Snow does its subject justice - and, having been to some truly excellent plays at the York Theatre Royal, I’m confident it will - then it is sure to be a powerful exposé on one of the greatest atrocities that human beings have ever legally suffered. Even if you

don’t fancy the play; even if you’re not that socially inclined to worry about the past; March 25th will probably stick in your head one way or another. As African Snow promises to show us, slavery is an issue that has tied together British and African people whether we like it or not. Both have been culpable in the horrific crimes committed against millions of Africans.

As Dr. John Sentamu, the Archbishop of York has pointed out, ‘We begin to understand the past when we recognise that it is about real human beings like us.

That way we better understand not only where we have come from but what we are doing now and where we are heading.’ Ironically, the white Christian mentality of superiority was a definitive factor in starting the slave trade in Britain, but it served to end it also, partially on the basis that we should have the moral high ground per se. As revealed poignantly revealed through the testimonies of Equiano and Newton, the work of humanitarians who experienced the horror of the slave trade first hand provided the most potent arguments against slavery - and carry on doing so to this day.

African Snow runs at York Theatre Royal from 30 - 30 June as part of national tour.

Tickets for students are just available from www.yorktheatreroyal.co.uk

> 34

> culture

Feature: The Art of Being Cultured Charlotte Bilsland takes a week to immerse herself in the culture of our fair city. ly isn’t a good start to my cultural week. I definitely feel no desire to don a beret yet. Keeping hopeful, I continue my tour by heading to the Quiet Place, quickly glancing at the two balls outside Goodricke and an ugly-looking metal piece on the hill opposite Central Hall, then onto Wentworth where I find a bizarre gramophone-esque structure, finishing up with a visit to the old Buddha outside the language centre. Apart from feeling worn out (campus is much bigger than you think), with a lack of any explanatory titles, this tour wasn’t the most productive of cultural pursuits: I learnt more from consulting campus folklore on the

internet – apparently the two balls in Goodricke represent the binary star Algol, used to light up and were the work of John Goodricke and the sculpture out the back, is made of the last steam train in York - and couldn’t help feeling disappointed that the university hadn’t invested in some signs to explain these pieces themselves.

Day Two of my cultural quest and the historian in me led me to the York Castle Museum, which promised me ‘going back in time has never been easier…’

Although, the Victorian reconstruction of Kirkgate is convincing, the highlight for me was the little exhibition just off it which relates a number of York citizens via the number 4 bus route. Here, I learnt the ‘Big Issue’ seller outside York train station is called ‘Rats’, enjoys punk-rock and used to teach English abroad. It was

particulary interesting to actually gain some knowledge about the people of York. Note: it was at this point I started fully appreciating of signs and labels, without which I wouldn’t have learnt any of this and an obsession that stayed with me the rest of the week.

After a disappointing experience with sculpture, tackling any other form of art seemed pretty daunting. That beret-wearing, cigarette-smoking, coffee-addict intellectual just wouldn’t stop cropping into my head when I thought about appreciating artwork. Definitely not fashionable enough for headgear and pretty certain that smoking doesn’t predetermine being cultured, coffee appeared to be my calling into conformity. So, the third day was spent appreciating the paintings exhibited in a café on Bishopgate Street. For the first time in my challenge, this was not a deliberate decision to do something ‘cultural’ and actually found myself unintentionally fascinated in what these canvases meant.

By the penultimate day, it was clear that having attempted to appreciate campus sculpture, understanding historical and modern day York and enjoying painting, that it was time for some performing arts. Unfortunately, the final day of my cultural week was already consigned to a performance of Blame at York Theatre Royal which still left day four open. So, feeling positive after my experience in the café, I decide I’d see what I could do in an afternoon without really trying. First stop: the York Eye. Expensive, rubbish location and dull commentary meant the Eye didn’t leave me with the cultural experience hoped for.

Although, you do have to wander through the National Rail Museum to get there, which did mean I was able to add another museum visit to my list of activities. With a walk along the walls and half an hour visit to the Museum Gardens, my tour of York was beginning to become more of a tourist attraction than a cultural eye-opener.

However, the task was saved by a chance encounter with the puppeteer outside Betty’s, who left more of an impression on me than embarrassing me publicly. It highlighted the extent to which the street performance in York is

“

The very mention of the word 'culture' fills my head with images of people donning berets, drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes.

“

T

wo weeks ago it dawned on me that this was my last ‘real’ term at university. As a third year history student, there’s no need to explain here the immense satisfaction this gives me when I remember this means I will never have to prepare for a seminar ever again, however, on the downside, it’s also got me wondering just what exactly I have gained from these three years here other than being able to cite endless quotations from historical theory books and successfully complete the Micklegate run. York is a beautiful city after all, and I can’t help feeling ever so slightly guilty that as the editor of the Culture section, hardly any of my free time is actually spent enjoying all the cultural things on offer here.

Hence began my mission: to spend every day of a working week doing something cultural in York. One problem though, what exactly does being ‘cultural’ mean? The very mention of the word fills my head with images of people donning berets, drinking coffee and s m o k ing cigarettes.

Surely there’s more to this than the stereotype. According to my favourite internet resource, dictionary.com, the word ‘culture’ means ‘the quality in a person or society that arises from a concern for what is regarded as excellent in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits etc’ and ‘the development or improvement of the mind by education or training’. With this particularly vague definition etched in the back of my mind, not really feeling any wiser on the subject, I figure campus art is a good place to begin as I leave the computer room and take a quick look at the sculpture on the concourse on my descent from the library.

There is a rumour that this is called ‘The Avocado’ and made from lead from the Minster’s roof.

Nice story, but probably untrue and this unlabelled spiral certain-

so easily ignored: the Petergate pianist, the Stonegate mime, the Shamble’s magician, and, the singing dogs in the city centre – the list is endless, yet I don’t think I have ever taken the time to look at what they are actually doing before.

Then it was day five, the last chnce for me to refine the art of being cultured. This was going to be a heavy one: Blame, written by the critically acclaimed writer and television and radio broadcaster Beatrix Campbell and social worker and commentator Judith Jones, examines the decline of the

working class by focusing on the life of an eight year old girl, living in a dysfunctional community caught up in drug culture and the events that eventually lead up to her disappearance. It was gritty, gripping and far more intense than expected. Even the bunch of school kids sat next to me, managed to stop giggling awkwardly during the second half, which was especially tense and powerful.

And so, thinking about this play and the past week, I’m trying to figure out the value of this exercise by establishing whether I can consolidate myself within dictionary.com’s definition of being cultured yet: to paraphrase, the development or improvement of one’s mind from an interest in arts, letters, manners, scholarly pursuits ‘etc’. The simple conclusion here is, probably not, but I can’t deny that it really was both stimulating and fun to actually think about something other than my degree and in spite of campus sculpture failing to impress, it was still pretty enjoyable to realise campus has more to offer than 1960’s concrete towers and a lake. Moreover, I can successfully say that the number of people spotted who actually fitted my out-dated stereotype of a cultured person totalled, nil. So, excuse me now, while I go and adjust my beret…

[The Gramaphone: Soon to be used as a hearing aid for the BFG]

Preview: THE CUT Mark Ravenhill's dystopian play, The Cut, takes to the stage at Drama Barn next term.

M

ichael Billington (esteemed theatre critic for The Guardian) can and must knock a review out in an hour, under pain of death. A play starts at 7.30pm; its successes and indeed failures in print by 11.15pm that very evening. No time to pause for thought, the critic’s adrenaline takes over as “coffee and cigarettes” assist the pandemonium that ensues. High praise if you’re lucky - Mr Billington particularly enjoyed Matthew Warchus’s recent French farce Boeing-Boeing - a “loving production,” which achieved “a kind of delirium”.

Will Young fans (if there are any of you out there) - avert your eyes! Mr Billington was not so impressed with his “plaintive little-boy lost” performance in Noel Coward’s The Vortex. He “simply

doesn’t have the temperament or technique”. Bad luck, old chap.

Stick to wearing cravats.

Of course, it isn’t just actors and directors who nervously peruse a copy of The Guardian, anxious to read their first night reviews (because let’s face it, who cares what some old philistine at the Daily Mail thinks). New writing is equally under scrutiny, and is it something of which Mark Ravenhill of Shopping and Fucking fame is only too aware.

Indeed, in a candid interview he once confessed ‘I’m always jealous of people who are successful.

Whenever a friend succeeds, a little something in me dies. Every time another playwright gets good reviews I think: “Fuck, it should have been me.”

Blunt words from an outspo-

ken playwright, it’s now been over ten years since Ravenhill’s fulllength play debut (the then asterisk clad Shopping and F***ing) co-produced by Out-of-Joint for the Royal Court. “A waste of public money!” cried David Blunkett, having not read or indeed attended the play. Reviews were mixed; even so, his explicit black humoured tale of sex, drugs and violence cemented his reputation as one of the forefront “in-yer-face” theatre writers of his time, alongside the late Sarah Kane. That was the 1990s. A decade on, Ravenhill is still writing, though his current work is seemingly a million miles away from the times when we were either for Blur or Oasis. His plays reflect the times in which we live.

Today, they tell of the cult of celebrity, conflict, war and government

regimes.

One of his more recent offerings, The Cut, will be staged in the Drama Barn in Week 4 next term.

Set at some indeterminate point in time, the play combines the late political style of Pinter with the despair and humour of Beckett in an Orwellian-reminiscent State.

It tells the story of Paul, a man tormented by the guilt of his profession. At home, he is a loving husband and father. At work, he follows orders from a secret governmental department where he administers “the Cut” - a deliberately ambiguous surgical procedure which is both torturous, and it seems, liberating. Comparisons have been made with Guantanamo Bay, the treatment of prisoners in Iraq and the British government’s foreign policy. Either way, fingers

aren’t pointed, but rather questions are raised. It is a modern play for a thinking audience, ideal for us politically aware students.

So, what did Michael think? Why not go and see the play next term and make up your own minds?

SOPHIE DAVIES

'The Cut' Friday - Sunday, Week four Tickets: £3.00 Friday, £3.50/£4.50 members/non-members Saturday & Sunday

s nd hey hh s.

> culture

> 35

Reviews Mad Forest York Theatre Royal 26/02/07

A

udience expectations for Mad Forest were high, fuelled by enthusiastic press publicity that promoted the piece as “the most dazzlingly adventurous piece of theatre.” The writer, Caryl Churchill depicts the 1989 Romanian Revolution as researched by herself and a group of London School of Drama students on a trip to Bucharest. As a result, the first-hand accounts that were gleaned there were interwoven into a script and Mad Forest was born.

From the start it became clear that the Out of the Blue Theatre Company took itself seriously.

The young actors effused energy and vitality, which they sustained throughout the piece with remarkable focus. Every performance was self-assured and there was a real feeling that everyone was ‘in role’, even when not in the foreground.

In style, there was much originality. The short scenes were like fragments of a memory, each preceded by a title on a projected screen. This disjointedness did make the plot hard to follow at times, especially with a few seemingly random ‘what was that about?’ scenes. The scene changes though were under excellent command which helped fluidity.

There were some very daring parts that really stayed with me, like the moment that the communist dictators were executed on live television, punctuated be authentic projected photographs. Later the murder was re-enacted as a comedy drama by a group of students, which was perhaps even more disturbing. The effect of super-imposing footage of the actors over the original sources was imaginative, though sometimes the film was of the actors in rehearsals, wearing their own clothes which ruined the effect at crucial points.

Otherwise, the attention to detail was impeccable and all the media impressively coordinated.

The comic scenes were superb, providing welcome respite in such a demanding play. Intensity was made even greater by the intimate studio setting and the absence of an interval. Whilst an interval would have been detrimental to this kind of a play, at over two hours long, it felt a little too long without one.

These are only minor criticisms of an otherwise poignant and enlightening piece of theatre, delivered by some very promising actors that deserve to go far.

HANNAH WALLACE

✰✰✰✰✰ Cricket on the Moon Drama Barn 02/03/07

C

ricket on the Moon is a new play by York student writer Beth Pitts. Staged in a style reminiscent of film-noir, with its

monochrome theme and ambitious harsh lighting, it tells the story of six individuals who for one reason or another find themselves back together not only in the same room, but dressed as their favourite movie icons.

It is never explicitly made clear exactly how these individuals came to know each other; though perhaps this is a satirical take on the superficiality of the world of celebrity and its vacuous, self absorbed nature. The group just can’t get on and tensions run high as it becomes apparent they all have experienced some kind of disappointment or failed expectation in life. The occasion? Mary’s birthday party, only Mary never arrives – and seemingly won’t. That is, until her peculiar ghostlike and perhaps jarring appearance at the end of the play dressed as Marilyn Monroe, with a bullet-wound to the head. The play is thus essentially a mergence of fantasy and reality, successes and failures and life and death. It is a fascinating concept: the fine line between what we want our lives to be and what they evidently are.

There were carefully observed performances from all: Chris Dashwood’s Alan vividly conveyed the cockney charm of Alfie and yet utter humiliation at being discovered to have hired an escort unnervingly dressed as the childlike Dorothy of the Wizard of Oz (Samantha Birch). Overall, an intriguing evening, which raised many interesting questions about how we live our lives.

SOPHIE DAVIES

the couple was very touching.

Frantz becomes fascinated by another mysterious girl who he sees through a window who turns out to be a doll (Coppelia). As he explores the eccentric toy-maker’s workshop, the ‘toys’ are all set to work, producing much comedy

Blame is still on at Theatre Royal, until March 17 Students & U26s £5.00

[Coppelia: 'left me in awe of the beauty and agility of the human body'] value. In the end he marries his fiancé in an elaborate finale in which the stamina, control and precision of all dancers was truly dazzling. Amidst an impressive backdrop and adorned with exquisite silk costumes the Russian Classical Ballet gave a spectacular performance. I was left in awe of the beauty and agility of the human body, despite the fact that several of the dances looked in dire need of a few good meals.

HANNAH WALLACE

✰✰✰✰✰ Coppelia Grand Opera House 04/03/07

H

aving forgotten I had tickets to this ballet until a couple of hours before the start, I arrived at the Opera House with no time to have formed preconceptions. In fact, I have given ballet in general very little thought for the ten years since I last saw one.

So the first shock of the evening was remembering that men wear tights in ballet. The second thing that it would have been helpful to think about was that there are no words in ballet, hence why most people had bought a programme.

Why not try it yourself ?

Ballet Soc for beginners runs on Mondays 6-7pm!

So, before finally succumbing to an extortionately priced programme at the interval, I had fun trying to fill in the story line, which was actually fairly easy due to Ellen Kent’s deft directing to Delius’s amazingly illustrative music.

The plot follows a young man (Frantz) and his fiancé (Swanilda) played by Igor and Nadezhda Schepachiova. As well as dancing together with ease and fluency, the obvious mutual affection between

intimacy of the setting helped us empathise with the cast - the stage extended into the audience making some viewers almost a part of the set. The only real barrier interfering with the audience’s bond with the characters was the initial disjointed nature of the dialogue and badly timed scene changes. For the first twenty minutes we were left struggling to connect with the story, no sooner had we begun to understand a character’s stance

✰✰✰✰✰ Blame York Theatre Royal 08/03/07

J

ust a matter of weeks after a Unicef report dubbed British kids the most unhappy, impoverished and generally neglected children in the twenty one richest nations in the world, Sphinx Theatre Company’s Blame gives the grimmest of outlooks on the state of our forgotten working class.

Centred around a single bedroom flat in Hackney, East London, Blame is a gritty and violent tale of neglect: neglect initially on the part of our government and the terrible hardships put onto the tight family unit we follow and secondly, neglect on the part of the family itself and the catastrophic effects that this has on one member of their unit - the eight year old daughter of abused mother, Mandy - played brilliantly by young Callie Ward, a girl you would assume to be far too innocent to understand the tough issues this production tackles, let alone be exposed to them in such a powerful manner.

The issues Blame tackles are too numerous to list: patriacy, globalised industry, racism, labelling, the failures of the justice system and the increasing bureaucracy of local councils towards their tenants are just some of the causes of excessive poverty and exclusion the production explores. The

in a scene than we were being barraged with Roots Manuva and Lady Sovereign tracks while the living room was rearranged, though this was much less of a problem in the latter stages.

Blame is a powerful production that highlights the all too real problems of the poorest members of our ‘rich’ nation. The many layers of intertwining, self-fulfilling prophecies the characters have to deal with will surely have even the most snobby, chav-bashing, bigots in a state of empathy and resentment for the constructs that create scenarios like this saddest of tales.

DANIEL MEREDITH

✰✰✰✰✰ 4:48 Psychosis York Theatre Royal 06/03/07

S

arah Kane’s 4:48 Psychosis was written in 1999, a week before the playwright’s own suicide. It is a fragmented amalgamation of personalities, a terrifying and confrontational collection of words through which one struggles to hold onto a cohesive vision of the self, and indeed of literature. The text is essentially a poem through which the director must impose his/her own artistic vision. No stage directions or even character parts exist. This student drama society production staged the text with a central cast of four;

Alice Boagey, Anna Edgington, Mark Kelleher and Jennifer Payne, working almost orchestrally to portray the disparate voices of the protagonist.

Director Lisa Blair manages to co-ordinate a beautiful tragic chorus of erratic voices which string together to show her own vision of the play. The actors engaged well with an incredibly difficult and penetrating text. 4:48 is a play about artistic integrity and creation; at times lyric and at times crude and poignant, much like Blair’s own vision, sometimes beautifully harmonic and at other times harsh, brusque and confrontational. Blair’s vision is slick and effective but also retains the rawness of the words. Some of the best scenes were acted in the angry monologues where the voices seemed to jar a little from each other. Indeed the vision of having four voices uniformly singing in harmony is not Kane’s point.

The central motif, of loving something that does not exist, of the patient loving the doctor as a means of transference was highlighted by the backlit curtain behind which the doctor patient ‘dialogue’ if one can call it such, was shown. Not knowing which shadow the voices necessarily conducted was a wonderful metaphor of the shadowy nature of Kane’s dialogue. The shadows of doctor, always cross legged, and the patient, slumped, were reversed at the doctor’s own breakdown moment; the vitriolic climax of the doctor’s speech; “I hate my fucking job” came with a switch of legs to highlight the incongruity of character and the many facets of the self. The doctor is the patient in one reflection, as much as the audience is the protagonist. I found myself shivering, shrinking and crying pure tears of pain and joy at the beautiful execution of what is essentially a mess of thoughts cocooned in wondrous language, at once literate and guttural. The dark and piercing shriek of Blair’s vision of Kane certainly penetrated this reviewer.

SARAH KENDALL

✰✰✰✰✰

[Sarah Kane's 4:48 Psychosis: 'A beautiful tragic chorus of erratic voices']

> books

> 36

Books st

th

arch 1 2007 marked the 10 anniversary of every young reader’s favourite M £1 book voucher, the World Book Day token.

That’s right, it’s a whole decade since we first filed into school book fairs around the country, delightedly grasping the gift of free literature - or simply gleeful to be missing double maths. Nowadays, though, there’s no such get-out-of-lectures-free card, and World Book Day pales into irrelevance for most of us as we sit in the library surrounded by daunting factual tomes . . . Which is where Quick Reads 2007 comes in.

Written for adults (that’s us, scarily), the twelve Quick Reads books range in length from just 96 to 128 pages, but with authors like Adéle Geras, Ricky Tomlinson and John Simpson, they look not to be short on entertainment!

“

“

Seven million adults in Britain are functionally illiterate.

There’s more behind these little books than it seems, too, as the Quick Reads scheme doesn’t just intend to reignite lost literary love, but to alight it in emergent readers UK-wide.

With statistics revealing that seven million adults in Britain are functionally illiterate,

the scheme is part of a wider government action supported by BBC Read and Write (http://www.bbc.co.uk/raw/) to encourage non-readers to pick up a book. The premise is that those with reading difficulties won’t be as overwhelmed by the length of the books as by more ample texts, and as such will gain confidence and encouragement from finishing them, at the same time as discovering talented and prolific authors whose wider bibliographies they might then progress through.

A ghostly tale comes in the form of Adéle Geras’s Lily, a psychological story about Marie, whose lost daughter appears wherever she looks - but is she seeing the world through her mind’s eye?

Adéle Geras is one author who is particularly passionate about the Quick Reads project.

Such a fan was she of the 2006 launch that she volunteered to write this year. In her blog for Guardian Unlimited she describes books as ‘the item you can carry with you, return to, make your own by imagining the setting, the characters and so forth’, and says that ‘the writer of a book you love speaks, you feel, directly to you’. Geras also makes the prominent point that encouraging non-readers not only opens them up to a world of involving stories, but to written media from websites to magazines, and not just reading them but even writing for themselves.

This year’s selection includes an impressive mixture of fiction and non-fiction, light reading and deeper, more involving plotlines: A truly bite-size beginning to the scheme is The Sun’s Book of Short Stories, which caters to all tastes with its compilation of the winners of their 2006 Quick Reads competition.

A more cohesive, motivational book comes from eleven-time gold medallist Dame Tanni Grey Thompson, Britain’s number one wheelchair athlete. Detailing the highs and lows of her journey to success, Aim High promises an emotive, down-to-earth and ultimately inspirational piece of non-fiction.

Other popular media faces have also tried their hands at factual writing for Quick Reads.

Ex-Atomic Kitten Kerry Katona’s Survive The Worst And Aim For The Best explains how she triumphed over her troubles, while John Simpson’s Twenty Tales From The War Zone relives the dramas of his action-packed and often dangerous career in journalism.

Beloved TV star Ricky Tomlinson, meanwhile, has penned page-turning chuckle of comedic fiction Reading My Arse!.

The inspiration of television doesn’t end there, either. Terence Dicks’s Doctor Who, Made of Steel is a different kind of tardis, housing a whole world of science fiction.

If you’re desperate to exterminate your addiction, pick up Allen Carr’s final addition to the non-fiction collection, Burning Ambition, The Inspiring Story of One Man’s Quest to Cure the World of Smoking. This is the story of the man whose diagnosis with lung cancer which sadly finally ended his life - caused him not only to quit, but to write bestselling books which have helped others do the same.

For the romantics among us, light relief comes from Maureen Lee’s A Dream Come True - a vividly descriptive novel that blossoms from the simple idea of its protagonist’s workplace changing owners - and GMTV’s

[A Decade of World Book Days] Fiona Phillips offers A Day To Remember, a fun piece of chick-lit about a small limousine company gone awry when the car is stolen.

Perfect for that coffee break from the library - no need to add sugar.

If you’re more James Bond than Bridget Jones, though, then perhaps Niall Griffiths’s

“

“

Sick of promising yourself you’ll find the time for a novel among the journals, textbooks and - erm -Toffs nights? Then Quick Reads 2007 may be just what you're looking for . . .

Quick Lit

Short novels perfect for that coffee break from the library - no need to add sugar!

gripping, high-action thriller is more your cup of - er - Martini. A chilling, fast-paced drama, Griffiths’s Bring It Back Home speeds its young protagonist from London to his Welsh family home, all the time pursued by one man bent on his murder . . .

A different brand of drama is rendered by Lindsay Ashford’s The Rubber Woman, a dark, austere novel about psychologist Megan’s investigation of Cardiff ’s vice trade and the scene of a brutal death.

In combination with library-based reading groups, The Literacy Trust (www.literacytrust.org.uk) has demonstrated the personal gains of such innovations in the past, when ‘in 2005, Morris Hargreaves McIntyre interviewed learners who had read and talked about books in nine focus groups. Improved confidence shone out as the key change, with participants talking about a greater capacity for self-expression, renewed self-esteem and aspirations to continue reading and learning, often in support of their children’.

As if just having a good book that you know you’ll have the chance to finish in a week isn’t enough, or knowing that you’re supporting a scheme which intends to help millions of people to grasp a whole new literary world, the Quick Reads have one more trick up their sleeves - literally. At the back of each book is an entry form for a competition to win anything from £100 of books to a holiday in Barbados on which to lounge with your new volume.

Whatever your reason for interest, the dozen books - as well as reissues of 2006 Quick Reads The Grey Man by Andy McNab, Maeve Binchy’s Star Sullivan, John Bird’s Seven Steps to Change Your Life and Chickenfeed

by Minette Walters - are available not only at bookshops, but more conveniently in supermarkets including ASDA and Sainsbury’s; and with a price tag of just £1.99, who needs a book token? Not so bad being an adult now, is it?

SAM BIRCH

On theVision bookshelf this issue Restless William Boyd Bloomsbury (£7.99)

B

est read with a G&T on the table and a Lucky Strike in hand, Restless is a literary spy thriller, alter nating b e t w e e n v a r i o u s foreign climes in World War 2 and modernday Oxford.

The premise teeters on the very edges of plausibility, even within the logic of its own fictional world. Sally Gilmartin has chosen to reveal to her daughter her alternate life as spy Eva Delectorskaya-in the form of soap opera-esque novel instalments.

The reason for her mother writing a novel in fits and starts for her reading pleasure? To

give Boyd a neat ready-made cliff-hanger structure. The modern half of the novel is more of an irritation to the plot,it is too straightforwardly structured for my tastes and feels formulaic. The actual plot is impeccable in that it does everything an espionage thriller should.

The disappointment is in the somewhat shallow exploration of the human realities of being a spy. There are moments where Boyd touches on the reality of believing yourself to be under constant surveillance, the hard truth of being able to trust no one-which if you consider shatters all human instincts. There is so much in these ideas,but they are given little time in favour of the plot. Granted, Restless is more intelligent in design than your average Bond pulp fiction,and does at least give a female voice to that world. But it does just feel as though Boyd has skimmed over the darker and more mysterious depths of human nature and instinct which are latent in his choice of theme. A Hollywood plot to die for-wait for the film.

KATE LOVELL

✰✰✰✰✰

Tell Me Everything Sarah Salway Bloomsbury (£14.99) ell Me Everything is T the second novel

from ‘highly acclaimed’ (hmm…) short story writer Sarah Salway.

Sadly, whilst her publishers may view this sketchy work as a major new take on mental health issues, the book will only test the mental staying powers of its readers.

The inclusion of 48 scant chapters in the space of 277 pages is hardly a good omen. Whilst Hunter S. Thompson and Chris McCready could pull off fragmentary novels rammed with miniscule chapters, Salway is no Gonzo writer. In fact, after a tedious trawl through this untidy effort, I’m beginning to wonder if she’s actually a writer at all.

Tell Me Everything follows

compulsive story-teller Molly Drayton on her quest to learn as much as she can of the world and its ways. With a gang of intriguing friends (i.e. stereotypes) including ditzy librarian Liz and enigmatic boyfriend Tim, Molly finds herself in a semi-fantasy world of sex, lies and fantasies about men in Celtic away shirts (no, really).

What Tell Me Everything lacks in strong characterisation, narrative drive and clever description, it makes up for in, well, nothing actually. The novel is a thoroughly empty work in which important points about abuse and sexual frankness are swamped amidst weak, scatty humour. Overall, this is a book that wastes your time rather than demanding it, dealing in cheap imitations of better works. It offers little more than a headache and as a result is a frustratingly missed opportunity.

DAN SMITH

✰✰✰✰✰

> books

> 37

Better than a bunch of flowers...

INTERPRETING MURDER

Mother's Day is just round the corner, so to give you a helping hand with avoiding all those clichéd gifts, Nicola Hebden has compiled a list of books that all mums will enjoy.

Law Professor turned Freud fic-

Marian Keyes is renowned for writing good Chick-lit, so it’s safe to say that this is a book that all mums will enjoy. Set around a central character, Anna, Keyes weaves an emotional tale of how she overcomes a serious accident in which she loses her memory.

But whilst recuperating with her family, Anna thinks back to her old life in New York, and her mysteriously absent husband. Will she ever get that lively lifestyle back?

Although described as an emotional novel, Anybody Out There? is - as with all Marian Keyes books - laced with humour, which will appeal to any mothers who are looking for a bit of escapism. It is also part of a series, which means mum’s birthday and Christmas presents are dealt with too…

Cosmic Ordering, Guide to Life, Love and Happiness Debbie Frank Penguin (£6.99) From Daily Mail astrologer Debbie Frank, Cosmic Ordering, Guide to Life, Love and Happiness is the perfect gift for those mums who are addicted to horoscopes. This book is a guide on how to “focus positive energy”, which is apparently all around us, to get what you want. And who knows, your mum might even use that energy to get you a first in your degree.

Frank’s book is most definitely not for cynics; avoid at all costs if you do not have a Noel Edmonds' fan for a mother. But it will suit those who have a little optimism and an open mind.

Two

Funerals

Richard Curtis films are definitive of chick-flicks; what women don’t enjoy good-looking lead male characters and witty repartee in a movie?

Now you can find the scripts to Four Weddings and a Funeral, Notting Hill and Love Actually in this illustrated book. Complete with original notes on direction, it’s an opportunity to see Curtis’s original ideas of how to produce the films too.

An ideal gift for any mum who’s regarded Hugh Grant as some kind of demigod since the mid nineties. It’s also perfect excuse to watch his films again.

The Bad Mother's Handbook Kate Long Panmacmillan (£6.99) Perhaps a first glance at the title would suggest this is not the ideal present for mother’s day, but the novel is an amusing and uplifting read that a mum can’t fail but enjoy. The story follows three women – Charlotte, who is pregnant at 17, her mother, who is disappointed that her daughter is in the same boat as she was at 17, and Nan, whose mad mutterings are in fact the most sensible thing about the whole situation.

There’s plenty in this novel for the reader to identify with. And you may even recognise it from the recent television series starring Catherine Tate, watched religiously by mums across Britain.

Cultured Classic ith recent film W releases like Miss Potter and Becoming Jane, the silver screen is rife with well-known authors, but how well do we really know their lives? Sam Birch gives Vision a sneak preview at the true story of Jane Austen's life.

Born in Steventon, Hampshire in 1975 to Reverand George Austen and wife Cassandra, Jane Austen was the seventh of eight siblings.

The Austen children lived and were tutored in a large and bustling home which also housed students of Rev. Austen, and it was here, in her father's own library, that Jane first discovered literature.

By age 14 the Reverand's many titles had proved so inspiring that Jane had already completed her first novel (now labelled one of her 'Juvenilia') Love and Friendship.

As suggested by their prominence among her novels, in her youth Jane enjoyed attending balls, and was passionate about

the beautiful countryside in which the family resided until their move to Bath in 1801. For Jane, though, the move was an unhappy one, and she thus neglected to write for the ensuing ten years.

Happy to flee the confines of busy town life, then, in 1805 Jane took a holiday to the West Country, during which she reputedly fell in love for the first time. Sadly, though, her heart was destined to be broken when her sweetheart died, and her later acceptance of a proposal from the affluent Harris B i g g - Wi t h e r was exceptionally short-lived - she retracted it just one morning after and was since never married.

1805 was also the year in which Jane's father, a zealous supporter of her writing (unusually for the time, and arguably reflected in the paternal relationship of Elizabeth Bennett in Pride and Prejudice), unfortunately passed away. This left the women of the family - Jane, her older sister and her allegedly hypochondriac mother - in financial difficulty, and thus (not dissimilarly to the situation of Sense and Sensibility's Elinor and Marianne) heavily reliant upon her brothers for monetary support.

Thus, the three of them briefly lived with Jane's brother Frank, one of two of her siblings to become a naval officer. Of her other two brothers, one followed in his father's footsteps to become a clergyman, and the other suffered mental illness and was put into the care of another family.

In 1809, the Austen ladies moved to

the estate of her brother Edward in Chawton, close to Jane's hometown, and she finally felt at home once again. It was in Chawton that Jane courted Tom LeFroy, with whom she shared her passion for literature and ironic sense of humour; and by her early twenties returned to her writing and drafted Elinor and Marianne (later to become Sense and Sensibility) and First Impressions (later Pride and Prejudice).

In 1814, Jane published Mansfield Park, which was closely followed by 1816's Emma, and, in 1817 - the year of her death from Addison's disease - Persuasion was finally printed, followed posthumously by Northanger Abbey.

Released anonymously but for the words 'written by a lady', Jane's many books received critical claim from the very beginning, but were only attributed to her great name in 1826, when, eight years after her death, her brother Henry made her identity known.

duces Jed Rubenfeld.

Psychoanalysis: a buzzword of modernist culture, the scourge of the literature student and now, thanks to the release of crime thriller The Interpretation of Murder, a bona fide basis for a work of popular fiction. The novel is the debut from Jed Rubenfeld, a Professor of Law at Yale and living proof that disillusionment with academia is not the reserve of the undergraduate student; Rubenfeld cites an underwhelming response to his optimistically-titled legal treatise Revolution

by Judiciary as the catalyst for his foray into fiction. Whilst many may find resolution to their despondency on the racks of TopShop or en route to Toffs, however, Rubenfeld has channelled his into the creation of a wickedly clever first novel.

So what’s it all about? The answer to such a philosophical musing is surprisingly absent from a book that tackles a multitude of academic issues; psychology, history and an analysis of the Freudian Hamlet combine with murder and torture to create a novel as informative as it is intriguing. It is as Sigmund Freud steps into the sweltering Manhattan of August 1909 on his only visit to the United States that the beautiful socialite Elizabeth Riverford is brutally murdered - bound, lacerated and asphyxiated by an anonymous assailant. The two parallel narratives that then ensue – one recounting Freud’s exploration of New York with host Dr Stratham Younger, the other detailing the cloak-and-dagger investigation into Riverford’s death – coincide abruptly when a second attack leaves a teen-

“

“

Anybody Out There?

Marian Keyes Penguin (£7.99)

Six Weddings and Richard Curtis Penguin (£18.99)

tionalist: Rachel Allenby intro-

Murders, a corrupt state, illicit love for a striking teenager and an obnoxious Carl Gustav Jung

age debutante alive, but mute and unable to recall her ordeal. As Freud and his American protégé Younger, intrigued by the case, attempt to cure the young survivor via psychoanalysis, an intricate tale unfolds in which further murders, a corrupt state, illicit love for a striking teenager and an obnoxious Carl Gustav Jung play a central role.

Rubenfeld’s style is gripping and littered with a dry humour that compensates for his sometimes dizzying tendency to leap between first- and third-person narratives; at times, however, the author’s academic background is abundantly clear. Extensive descriptions of early twentieth-century New York read like an excerpt from a historical textbook, whilst his analyses of Hamlet would fit more comfortably into The Cambridge Companion to Shakespeare. The sheer detail and complexity of Rubenfeld’s narrative, along with the fascinating insight into New York’s high society and the early days of psychoanalysis counteract his stylistic shortcomings, however, and ensure that The Interpretation of Murder is both an enjoyable and educational read.

With the ringing endorsement of Richard and Judy, The Interpretation of Murder was always destined for the top of the bestsellers list, yet even without their backing its popularity was inevitable. Sufficiently imaginative and intriguing to propel even the most weary reader to the end of its 529 pages, Rubenfeld’s obviously meticulous research ensures a degree of historical accuracy guaranteed to satisfy the purists; and even when Rubenfeld is more economical with the facts, as Dr. Stratham Younger philosophizes, “truth itself, like buildings, can be manufactured” and manufactured well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I must find the legal section of the library; there’s a book on Revolution by Judiciary that suddenly sounds extremely appealing.

> listings

> 38

Listings now...

What do sheep-shearers and online ticket companies have in common? They both fleece ewe. Given that the wholesale price of tickets for big events seems to have risen considerably in the last few years, to then be obliged to pay several pounds as a 'service charge', plus an extortionate postage and packing add on. If you fancy seeing Barenaked Ladies in Leeds - and I strongly recommend them - you have various choices as to how to get hold of the tickets. If you go via the gigsandtours.com portal, part of the media monolith that is Metropolis music, and concert promoters SJM, the agents Seetickets.com add a booking charge of £2.25, plus a 'transaction fee' of £4.80. A £22.50 ticket suddenly becomes the best part of £30. Seetickets.com is itself part of Andrew 'Starlight Express' Lloyd Webber's Really Useful Group. Given that you can get a train fare from York to Leeds and back for £6, you would still make a saving going on the train to get your ticket.

The cheapest option, aside from walking to Leeds, is through leedstickets.com, which still adds a booking fee, though this is a more reasonable £1.50, and postage is a less overdraft inducing £1.50. Maybe we should just go with the touts, and please excuse the pun at the top of the column.

10

13/03

The Edgar Broughton Band £16 Fibbers 8pm Intergenerational blues-rock fourpiece. According to Fibbers, they are "the band that refused to die", but this is hopefully meant in a good way, rather than like a cockroach in a Benedorm flat. Support comes from Juke Box Heroes DJ set.

Charlie Landsborough Grand Opera House

£15 8pm

John Spiers and John Boden, NCEM

£12 8pm

Continuing today's theme of hairy older gentlemen, the three times winner of best male vocalist at the British Country Music Awards brings a blend of roots music to the Grand Opera House.

To prove folk is not a one trick pony of the older, hairier variety, this critically aclaimed duet is comprised of young, fairly clean shaven gentlemen.

WEDNESDAY

The UN Inspector York Theatre Royal

14/03

£6 7.45pm

Adaption of Gogol's masterpiece of biting satire for the contemporary environment, produced

by York Theatre Royal's Youth Theatre Company. Meanwhile, in the main auditorium, Blame continues to 17th March.

BOTB Heats The Junction

£4 8pm

Heat six of the town competition, with three more bands having their dreams crushed at this early stage of the contest.

07/04

£23.50 7.30pm

GSA hosted event in Wentworth.

Nice.

SATURDAY

Jazz Black Swan PH

14/04

£32.50 7.30pm

The grandfather of American popular music brings a short tour to the UK. Expect a mix from Modern Times and his forty year career.

regulars MONDAYS

Trolley Dolly: Pan Amm comes to the Grand Opera House on 15th March £9/7 University Choir £3 Green Dayz 8pm The Minster 7.30pm Fibbers Selections from Hayden and Mozart, with the Northern Sinfonia accompanying. Vocal soloists are York students and alumni.

THURSDAY

Pam Ann Grand Opera House

Widely recognised as Green Day's greatest tribute act.

Presumably the alternatives knew only three of the four chords their heroes use.

Twisted Angels + Support £4 15/03 Cert 18 8pm £15 Meanwhile, in other punk 8pm infused gigs, Cert 18 plays host

Caroline Reid's alter-ego, the Australian air-stewardess Pam Ann touches down in York with a duty-free magazine's worth of ribald, double-entendre fuelled caustic humour. Tea or coffee?

Soup Presents....

Cert 18

to popular female punk rock band with support from Spinal Rage. Apparently, they do a fantastic cover of Corinne Bailey Ray's Like A Star, if you ask them nicely.

£4 SUNDAY 8pm Idlewild The Volcanoes headline, with LMUSU

18/03 £16 8pm

Scottish rock act enter their second decade as an independent band again, hitting the road Riverlines £6/4 in support of last year's Make CityScreen Basement Evening Another World.

Grace Nichols presents her Commonwealth Poetry Prize winning collection, I is a LongMemoried Woman. I had to do her for 'Poems from Other TUESDAY 27/03 Cultures and Traditions' and Just Jack £8 Simon Armitage at GCSE. The Leeds University Union 8pm thought stills haunts me.

North London's newest culFRIDAY 16/03 tural export plays the Stylus.

The chances are you have heard Corinne Bailey Ray £21.25 Starz In Your Eyes, given its Leeds University Union 8pm incessent airplay over the past Homecoming gig for the acous- couple of months, but the rest tic songwriter. Apparently, of his album Overtones is quite she does a fantastic cover of good too.

Mastadon's Capillarian Crest, if you ask her nicely.

THURSDAY 29/03

WEDNESDAYS

Jazz Wentworth Edge

Pop threepiece, fresh from having murdered Walk This Way for the sake of charidee, come to Sheffield. Rumours are circulating that they could have something to do with Roses, too...

Bob Dylan Sheffield Hallam Arena

support from The Universals, The Libawalks, Arcadian. The heavier end of indie music.

week TUESDAY

SATURDAY

Sugababes Sheffield Hallam Arena

Folk Music Black Swan PH

drowning

Mental Mondays Bondai Beech, Leeds

beer

and

£10

Leeds club promotes responsible drinking by giving you as much as you can handle for £10.

50p per team

Hes Road pub promotes intellectually taxing responsible drinking: top prize is often a gallon of beer.

TUESDAYS

Blackout, Ziggy’s

Weekly jazz music, with various local acts and some from further afield. Also Sundays.

THURSDAYS

Live Music Winning Post PH

Live bands every Thursday night, including Battle of the Bands.

FRIDAYS

Hip Hop Black Swan PH

SATURDAYS

Roots every week.

Pub Quiz The Victoria

Weekly pub quiz, with various cut price drinks and free supper in this Heworth boozer.

Live sets every second and fourth friday of the month.

Blues Night The Maltings PH Sorrow music.

Pub Quiz Shoulder of Mutton PH

£2 10pm

Denim, leather, and tattoos aplenty, with alternative, rock and metal turned up to eleven.

Secrets...

Orgasmic, York Funky house.

£Free 8pm

SUNDAYS

Otherside Comedy Club £7/6 CityScreen Basement 8pm

Resident comperes Dan Atkinson and Dom Woodward bring you two national stand-up acts.

Passion Orgasmic, York

Warm-up for the clubnight in Toffs, playing a mix of funky house and electro.

All events, times and prices are correct at the time of publishing. Vision cannot be held responsible for any poor nights out as a result of the suggestions in this column.

overEaster

£22.50 The Strange Death of Liberal £5 Barenaked Ladies University Union 7.30pm England, Fibbers 8pm Leeds Canadian pop-rock five piece British equivalent to the Arcade Fire, with dancing, singing, clapping, frenetic drum beats and a bizarre system of handheld signs used to communicate with the audience between songs. The Arcade Fire themselves have a four night residency at the Brixton Academy this week, if you fancy skiving the last week of term.

SATURDAY

return to Britain to promote their critically aclaimed albums Barenaked Ladies Are Me and Barenaked Ladies Are Men. They will probably play One Week too. Fantastic musicianship and widely regarded as one of best live acts currently on tour.

FRIDAY 17/03 Damien Rice

PleasePleaseYou Presents... £5 CityScreen Basement 8pm

Distophia and Avenging Force play the basement. Noisy, fuzzy, electronic cuts mixed with screaming guitars and rock melodies. Distophia have previously supported the likes of the Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster and Alex Empire.

Manchester Apollo

30/03

£23.50 7.30pm

The Irish singer/songwriter supports most recent album 9, with more weepies from his multi-platinum selling debut album O. Tickets are in extremely short supply, but he and his band are back in the region in October if you miss out.

Ladies' Best Friend: Barenaked Ladies play Leeds Refrectory 29th March [top], whilst Damien Rice performs in Manchester, 30th March.

YORK VISION

SPORT

V

Tuesday March 13, 2007

39

SP RT

ACTION>COMMENT>RESULTS

Don't try this at home

CITY LOOK TO CEMENT PLAY-OFF POSITION

BY LAURIE ALLSOPP

A double win for York City last week kept the club on course for a place in the Nationwide Conference playoffs.

> Vision talks to international MMA trainer Cliff Pollard

A 2-1 home win over Northwich Victoria was followed up by a 2-0 defeat of Aldershot on Saturday.

The AU had given out free tickets for the Northwich game last Tuesday, and the students who turned out for the game were treated to an impressive performance by the Minstermen, But it could have been a very different story for York, as they trailed 1-0 at half time; exiting the field to boos from the impatient home crowd.

Northwich's Andrew Smart scored a fantastic goal from outside the area to take the lead five minutes before the break.

Pictured L-R: Gary Kelly, A.B.A. Regional Champion; Dave Pike, Thai-Boxing Coach for York; MMA Club Rich Cadden, WPMF Lightweight Champion Daniel Giblin, Semi-Professional MMA fighter and Head Coach for York MMA Club; Cliff Pollard, 5th Degree Black in Ju-Jitsu Goshin Ryu International and trainer of Ian “The Machine” Freeman, renowned UFC fighter and winner of the “Cage Rage” British Light-Heavyweight Title in 2006. Photo: Michael Maiden.

BY LAURIE ALLSOPP AND MICHAEL MAIDEN Cliff Pollard is a world-renowned trainer of Mixed Martial Arts fighters.

Mixed Martial Arts? I hear you cry. A quick search of Wikipedia will tell you that it emerged in the early 1990s, around the concept of pitting different fighting styles against each other.

Obviously MMA is hardly a major sport, and the question begs to be asked exactly how someone can get into it, or even how it can catch your attention in the first place.

"It all began for me 15 years ago, when I started going to seminars held by Fred Kidd, who was one of the first to introduce MMA into the area", Cliff says.

The sport is, perhaps unsurprisingly, very much an individual contest, with influences from as different places as Muay-Thai right through to Greco-Roman wrestling and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

The diversity of MMA is what

immediately attracts Cliff to the sport: "I feel it's a really good test of a fighter, as it's not often that they can get away with learning only one style," he said. "You only have to look at how badly the one-style fighters do when they try fighting in the UFC. We asked Cliff if he could give us an insight into an MMA fighter's mind.

"If you look at a film that Ian Butlin made for BBC Northwest (http://www.ianbutlin.com/video/video_6.html) then you can see the professional attitude that fighters take with them into the ring.

"I think it’s important to point out that he admits feeling nervous, and that he’s more than happy to chat informally to his opponent after the fight. If it was as bad as some people make out, that wouldn’t happen."

Many people suggest that MMA is a barbaric sport, but Cliff was

quick to defend the sport against its detractors.

"For a start I think people have a misconception of MMA," he said.

"They don’t realise that the fighters go through many hours of intense training in many different styles, it’s not just a freefor-all. I must also emphasise that every bout has a referee who will step in if he feels one fighter is not fit to fight, much like the referee in a boxing match, and there are judges who keep a score if there is no clear KO or submission."

The intensity of the sport always opens up the possibilities of serious injury, but Cliff again pointed out the safety precautions that are taken in a proper fight MMA is far from something you could try in your back garden.

"There are always qualified doctors and paramedics on hand if something did go wrong, but it’s extremely unusual to see a serious injury. I also think that the combination of standing-striking and

groundwork also helps, as there is a lot more skill involved than people realise, and the ability to submit your opponent rather than win by KO adds an extra dimension to it."

The Ultimate Fighting Championship returns to Britain on Saturday April 21st at the Manchester M.E.N. Arena - the first time such an event has been held here since 2002, and Cliff is looking forward to the Championship immensely: "I think that UFC 70 at the M.E.N. will be a massive boost for MMA in the UK, and hopefully encourage more people to take an interest in the sport."

He added: "Progress is encouraging at the moment, but I think UFC 70 will really help place MMA into the mainstream."

Bruce Lee fans should take note. MMA has hit York in big fashion with the club's Charity Open Mat last weekend, and the likes of Cliff Pollard are doing their very best to make sure it takes the rest of the country by storm.

VISIONSPORTONLINE www.yorkvision.co.uk

Extra reports, comment, and exclusive Roses previews

Victoria had worked the ball across the field from the right, and Smart managed to lose marker Darren Craddock to smash the ball past a helpless Tom Evans.

City had been in complete control up until the goal, with 'keeper Evans barely having to dirty his gloves.

Things changed in the second half, though, as a snap shot from Craig Farrell was turned in by Northwich's Kieran Charnock.

The KitKat Crescent crowd got behind the side after this, and their support was rewarded by substitute Martyn Woolford, who scored on 69 minutes with virtually his first touch of the ball.

York boss Billy McEwen was less than impressed with the fans.

"Around 99 per cent of our supporters are absolutely fantastic but there are the odd one or two that like to moan," he said, before urging the City faithful to get behind the team come rain or shine.

The Minstermen registered a 2-0 win at Aldershot last weekend, with goals from Farrell and Captain Emmanuel Panther making the difference.

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

COLLEGE SPORT: SUMMER WILL SEE DRAMATIC FINISH

SEVENS HEAVEN

S Darius N AUSTIN

sports@vision.york.ac.uk

of Riding the Hotspur rollercoaster

Inevitable failure was my overwhelming reaction as I pondered Tottenham's chances against the might of the Special One.

After all, playing the Premiership champions of the last two years at a ground where you haven't won for seventeen years against a manager who has only lost twice at home - well, you get the picture.

Imagine my delight, then, when within five minutes Dimitar Berbatov put Tottenham into a 1-0 lead courtesy of some great work

by Aaron Lennon.

Immediately I launched into the range of emotions common whenever we score, especially against a big team: euphoria, mixed with shock, soon shifting into tense anticipation, trepidation and ultimately the despondency that I started the match with.

Perhaps this time will be different, I thought. Perhaps I should have more faith in my team and not just assume that we're going to lose. Assuming this new, positive outlook on the fortunes of my team, I sat back and waited.

Within twenty minutes, Chelsea were level. Michael Ballack hit a shot that was going well wide until Frank 'The Luckiest Man In Football' Lampard stabbed it back towards the goal and it found its way into the back of the net.

It was a hasty end to my newfound faith. I realised the folly of believing that Tottenham could defeat the might of Chelsea. What was I thinking?

Michael Essien was shortly asking himself the same question as he put through his own net when Petr Cech seemed sure to collect Lennon's cross.

Back was the euphoria; back was the trepidation. Spurs nearly scoring an own goal themselves further emphasised the frailty of the lead.

In the next few minutes, I wondered if I had gone insane.

Hossam Ghaly burst through the Chelsea defence and slotted the ball into the back of the net.

3-1? At Stamford Bridge? This was too good to be true, surely. By half-time I had just about managed to convince myself that it was actually real.

It took 25 minutes of secondhalf pain for my fears to be realised. Lampard closed the gap to 3-2 with 19 minutes to play. The pain was doubled, and the inevitable loomed.

With 5 minutes to play, Saloman Kalou levelled at 3-3 to leave me with my head permanently in my hands. There was still time for Jermaine Defoe to rattle the crossbar after a exhilarating run as I came very near to my first Spursinduced heart attack.

A mixture of relief and frustration swept over me at the final whistle. Yes, we were still in the cup, but we were so close to that elusive victory at the Bridge. Now I'll have to live through it again.

Another 90 minutes of repeatedly renewing and losing my faith as Spurs comprehensively fail to get any kind of consistency? Roll on the replay.

> James record rugby sevens victory as Goodricke and Halifax fight it out at the top

BY DARIUS AUSTIN AND LAURIE ALLSOPP Term finishes with the Deloitte College Sport Championship no closer to being resolved as Goodricke and Halifax slug it out.

A valuable second place for Goodricke in the recent college rugby sevens tournament will enhance their chances of retaining their title as Halifax were knocked out in the group stages.

James were the eventual winners, defeating Goodricke 35-5 in a one-sided final.

It was a massive achievement by the college, as they only had eight players in their squad, one of whom was taken to hospital with suspected concussion half way through the tournament.

"It's been a special occasion for James college", said Captain Steven Mann.

"There was a huge effort from the team, and I'd like to thank everyone for all the training."

The tournament's outstanding player was James' Tim Ngwena, with the winger's pace proving too much for most sides.

Vanbrugh took third place, beating a Langwith side who were clearly demoralised after narrowly missing out on a final spot.

A 7-5 victory over James in the group stage wasn't enough for the black-and-golds, as a heavy defeat to Halifax cost them dear.

While the tournament gave struggling James a welcome pickme-up, it was more important in terms of the title race itself.

With one term to play, the top two are neck and neck, making

Goodricke's second place even more vital.

At the last count, Halifax led Goodricke by three with 166 points.

Derwent are the nearest college to the top two, but they only have 140 points in comparison to Goodricke's 163.

Halifax Sports Rep Nicola Hayden is hopeful of winning the college's first ever title, but is well aware that competition is stiff: "We would really like to see Halifax win the college sport trophy for the first time ever this year, but the standard of college sport is improving so much that there is some very strong competition. I think it will be incredibly close at the top of the table this year."

Hayden identified netball and hockey as two areas where Halifax have consistently excelled, and also picked out the women's one-day football tournament as a great performance from the college.

"Volleyball has been turned around this term under the new captaincy of Peter Batten", she said.

It is not all glory for Halifax, however, as basketball and seconds netball have proved particularly problematic.

"We have so many players wanting to play that we don’t have a regular team and this has been detrimental to our results in this league.

We have also had a problem with attendance in basketball this term due to clashes with Fusion rehearsals."

Given their virtually equal footing, it is not surprising that the

Goodricke sports team feels much the same as the Halifax reps when it comes to the championship.

"We have performed consistently across the board, and have done especially well in Football 1sts, badminton and table tennis," said Sports Rep Jack Kennedy.

Kennedy believes that ,like last year, it is the one-day tournaments which will demonstrate Goodricke's desire for the title:

Current Standings

Halifax Goodricke Derwent Langwith Vanbrugh Alcuin James Wentworth

166 163 140 119 116 103 92 70

Table subject to outstanding results "The commitment and effort of all our players is a huge asset of ours and this was clearly seen in all the one-day tournaments, in which we have performed especially well.

Special mention must go to our women’s football team who in awful weather still carried on and played amazingly!

"We believe we are in a good position to kick on next term and we will definately be hoping to win the championship, although we are very aware of the stiff competition the other colleges pose."

At the other end of the table Alcuin Sports Rep Lizzie Hollins was less optimistic about her team's

chances.

"It would be great to finish mid table. We’re not expecting any miracles. Alcuin sport is just getting on its feet after years of disappointment. As a college though we’re improving and building up our spirit and points week by week; this can only be good for the future of Alcuin College Sport!

"As a whole compared to last term we’ve done pretty well across the board. Going from having one hockey game played last term as no one turned up, we’ve had a team for all of our games except two, even winning one game! Hopefully by next year Alcuin’s ‘Red Army’ will start winning as well as having a team."

Table tennis has been a bonus for Alcuin, with the perennial whipping-boys finishing joint top of their league with Goodricke.

"Finally, the womens football tournament was a major achievement," Hollins continued.

"The team came third, losing only one game and winning one game 8-0. We almost definitely have a team if there is a summer equivalent.

"Improvement wise we could definitely do with some girl squash players. Having amazing lads turning up week in week out to have to concede as no girls show up is disappointing. Basketball is the same.

We’ve had a disappointing record this term, but not due to team effort."

Three years ago, Vanbrugh took the title by the thinnest of margins - just half a point. At the moment it seems likely that 2007 will see things go exactly the same way.

Photo: Michael Brunsden

40 SPORT

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday March 13, 2007

TENNIS: LANCASTER 0 YORK 10

Whitewashed

BY LAUREN COCKBILL Bagels were the dish of the day for York Men’s 1sts as they eased past their Lancaster opponents in the semi-final of the BUSA Cup.

Instead of the tie being played at their university the home team, Lancaster 2nds, opted for nearby Bowerham Lawn Tennis Club. Set in quaint rural surroundings, the courts were encompassed by a trickling brook and grassy verges.

Although very picturesque, the quality of the courts was dubious.

Such surroundings meant the courts were cramped; any high rolling balls dropping on the base line or angles landing on the side lines would prove almost impossible to return.

Nevertheless, Lancaster were unable to maximise their home advantage. In the first round of doubles York smashed the host’s confidence; both pairs won without dropping a game.

Playing at number one pair were the two captains Cameron Downey and Steve Durrant, known as ‘The Bees’ due to their black and yellow shorts.

They were suitably quick to sting their opponents; Downey sent down one ace and three unreturnable serves in the opening game. Immediately after, Downey and Durrant broke to take a 2-0 lead.

Durrant’s accurate serving coupled with Downey’s attention at the net made for a dynamic combination. In just under half an hour, The Bees were rewarded with a first match point which they snatched, taking the rubber 8-0.

The adjacent court was seeing everything go in York’s favour too.

The partnership of Chris Willis and Dan Schofield started in exactly the same mode as their team mates.

‘Loaded Dan’ initiated the serving with some bullets. At 4015 Schofield fired a heavy top spin serve down the middle to set Wil-

41

> Red Rose wilts as Men's Tennis thrash Lancaster to get into BUSA final Tennis serve their way to another impressive win to earn their place in the final of the BUSA Cup. Photo: Lauren Cockbill lis up at net. He converted and the first game went to York.

York broke Lancaster in the next game and continued to do so throughout the set. A significant number of aces later and the number two couple produced another 8-0 win for the White Rose. It was the perfect start.

Going into the singles with untarnished confidence saw all the York men going for their shots. Chris Willis took up his number one spot and flew into a leading position.

His fast serve complemented by

his trademark winners from the base line saw him take the first set to love.

The second set was more contested, with some long points and impressive angled winners from both players. Leading 4-3, Willis cranked his game up a level to secure the win 6-0 6-3.

Meanwhile Downey, playing at number two, cruised through his match, claiming the double bagel: 6-0 6-0.

Totally focused throughout,

Get Carter

he prevented Lancaster from gaining any sort of rhythm. His acquiescent opponent looked totally dejected.

Watching from the side line were two of Lancaster’s first team.

Downey’s clinical performance sent out a warning for Roses.

Dan Schofield also won his match with relative ease, recording a score of 6-2 6-1. Notably, in the first set, he had dominated to the extent that until 5-0 and 15-0 up, he was yet to lose a point.

Mixed fortunes for BUKC

BY PAUL VALENTINE

Both York teams can come away aggrieved at some pretty bad luck after the first two rounds of the BUKC.

> Vision talks to the AU President elect

BY LAURIE ALLSOPP AND DARIUS AUSTIN “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.” It looks like continuity will be the buzz word for Jo Carter’s AU Presidency, as she promised to concentrate on maintaining sports clubAU relations rather than introduce any changes to York sport.

“I don’t see the point of making huge policies that I may not be able to fulfil - I want people to vote for me because they think I will do the best job, not because I have the most interesting ideas”, she said.

It was a marked difference from challenger Nick Hassey’s campaign, which was geared heavily towards policies of change.

But Carter recognises that there are improvements to be made in the running of the AU: “I think transparency is a key aspect, so people know where their

£15 goes.

"As students we are entitled to an NUS card, so why shouldn’t AU members have similar discounts and benefits?”

The main issue facing Carter next year will be boosting interest in Varsity.

Despite the best efforts of the AU, it is still very much a secondclass competition when put alongside Roses.

“I’d like to work a bit closer with campus media and publicise it better - some of the press has been quite negative over the last couple of years,” she said. “It’s got the potential to be a lot bigger.”

Carter will have an advantage next year with Roses being played in Lancaster, as this can give the AU a real opportunity to increase Varsity’s profile – there weren’t

any foam hands or big screens at this year’s event for example.

College sport, despite being given a huge lift by Deloitte’s sponsorship, has recently come under fire from some quarters in campus media The AU came out fighting in the Deloitte Championship’s defence, highlighting its importance in getting York students involved in sport, but Carter suggested that more work has to be done.

“At the moment, a lot of people play a lot of sports - the same people tend to be involved a lot,” she said.

“It will be important to increase publicity through the Sports Reps, as they’re instrumental in making college sport more available to more people. When we have a new Vice-President things can move on for next year.”

Lurking in the background is

Steve Durrant almost copied his co-captain and ‘bee’ with a 6-0 6-1 win. After the match he was jubilant: "Another dominant display of tennis sees us entering the cup final and Roses with every confidence of being York’s only unbeaten team.’

A victory tomorrow in London would see the tennis team crowned BUSA Cup champions as well as league champions, undoubtedly strengthening their candidacy for the AU Team of the Year.

the impending development of Heslington East, and Carter sees lobbying for top-class sports facilities as being vital: “I think the number one priority would be a swimming pool - it would be very popular.

“Considering York is one of the smallest universities, we do well to be in the top 40 in the BUSA rankings. But once we expand and double the number of students, I would expect us to get into the top 20. The only way to do that is with top rate facilities.”

As it has emerged that the AU has been forced to play to lose BUSA knockout games, Carter believes that an increase in York’s profile can help avoid the situation in the future: “It’s frustrating that we can’t compete in the BUSA finals, and it will be so until we improve York on a national scale.”

The first round was held at Whilton Mill in Daventry, with a record 54 teams taking part.

Unfortunately, York were on the receiving end of a lot of inexperienced driving.

Best result of the morning went to A team driver Paul Valentine who finished 22nd after a spin – which sums up how badly the morning went.

With bent axles and drivers being taken out of strong positions, Valentine & James Hyde's 22nd was the best result.

Everyone had driven well, especially considering that three of the B team were making their debuts, but the luck just wasn’t there.

The team fared better in the second round at Rye House in Kent.

BUKC captain James Hyde notched up a 13th in the morning, and then Valentine & Hyde paired up to finish just outside the top ten in the afternoon.

This was backed up by a great drive from James Open & Alex Drage to 15th. Credit must also go to B team driver Max Weitzmann for a solid 17th in his individual sprint race.

At the halfway point, York A are 31st in the points, and York B 44th out of 56.

42 SPORT

YORK VISION

Tuesday March 13, 2007

SHORTS

Photo: Erik Lang

BADMINTON: YORK 4 LIVERPOOL 4 SPORTS Volleyball finish eighth in country York men's volleyball finished eighth in the UK at last weekend's BUSA knockout finals in Loughborough.

York faced Bournemouth, London and Edinburgh in their pool but slipped to defeat in all three, although they did manage to take a set off London, the pool winners.

Dublin emerged victors against York in the 7th-8th playoff on Sunday.

"It was a great achievement to get this far and the opposition were tough," said captain Ben Brown.

"The team has learned a lot from these high level teams and have become closer over the weekend as a result."

> Men's Badminton squeeze into semi-final on ends after draw with Liverpool

wicked WHISPERS Who were the senior club officials exposing themselves at a college venue recently? The pair in question launched a vain attempt to win a contest by removing all their garments, only to find their opponents had benefitted from wearing more in the first place. Reports say that one later went on to organise a group spanking session at a popular local night-spot.

York's snooker trophy success York defeated defending champions Warwick to clinch the BUSA Team Plate this past Sunday.

Vision would like to congratulate Luke Fleet, Greg Taylor, Steve Bradley, Zaolin Li and especially team captain Mike Walsh, whose performance earned him a call-up to the national university team.

MMA raise £250 in Charity Open Mat York Mixed Martial Arts (MMA) Club held a Charity Open Mat on Sunday March the 11th and raised £250 for the AU Charities.

Trainers included York’s very own Rich Cadden, World Professional Muay-Thai Federation Lightweight Champion since 2005, and Cliff Pollard, a renowned trainer of MMA athletes.

Thanks go to all the coaches involved, to the AU for their help, to the University Boxing Club for lending out their equipment and to the Sports Centre for waiving the booking fees. The MMA Club hope to hold another charity event in Summer term, with Brendan Ingle & Junior Witter on the bill.

JUST MADE IT

BY DAVE COOKSON York face a dilemma of planes, trains or automobiles as they advance to the semifinal of the BUSA Cup to play Dundee after successfully disposing of Liverpool.

York had their pairings to thank for their victory. The final score was 4-4 with all four victories coming from their doubles matches. The home side went through by virtue of having won more ends.

The home side’s dominance of the doubles was immediately evident when 1st pairing Jonty Hiley and Ricky Kanabar won their first end 21-4 against a woeful Liverpool 2nd pairing. Hiley and Kanabar then completed an emphatic victory by winning the second end 21-6 - York’s first victory of the day.

York added another win when their 2nd pairing of Paddy Clarke and Will Wiseman beat their opponents’ 1st pairing in a more even

contest, which ended 21-17 21-10.

However, York’s superiority in the doubles did not translate to the singles. Duy Hung lost 14-21 and 1721 to Liverpool’s 1st singles player whilst Rob Walker lost an excellent match against the Liverpudlian 2nd singles 21-19, 18-21 14-21.

Walker was in an excellent position to win the match at 18-17 in the second end when he made a crucial error in delivering a long serve. His opponent seized the opportunity and didn’t allow Walker another point, winning 21-18. Hampered by injury, Walker struggled in the final end and lost by 7 points.

Back in the doubles, Hiley and Kanabar were given a tougher test against Liverpool’s firsts but still convincingly won 21-16 21-12. A highlight of the match was a point in the second end, which saw Hiley delivering a superb trickshot around his back to help the pair win the rally.

The misery of the visitor’s seconds continued when Wiseman and

Clarke delivered another comfortable victory in 2 ends - 21-9 21-5.

Despite a fantastic array of impressive shots Duy Hung was not capable of earning York’s first singles victory of the day, going down in 2 ends 17-21 14-21.

Ultimately York failed to win any of their singles matches as Walker once again lost a close match to Liverpool 1st 26-24 19-21 13-21. It was a case of déjà vu for Walker as he failed to win a close second end which would have seen him win the match.

Although Walker did not win a match, his efforts were vital for York’s progression. In the doubles matches Liverpool had failed to win a single end, meaning that Walker’s 2 ends won in defeats were enough to give the home side victory.

After the matches, captain Jonty Hiley was clearly impressed by his side’s performance: "I was pleased with the fight we showed, it typified the team spirit we’ve had all season.

We knew it would be a tight game and so each point would be important. Everyone worked hard to win every rally and it was crucial in ensuring we came out winners.

"Our doubles continued the kind of form they’ve shown throughout the season, and against tough players, our singles fought well and were unlucky to come out on the wrong side of some close games."

York’s place in the semi-finals will give them great hope of achieving silverware. However, they face tough opponents in the form of Dundee.

Skipper Hiley is not phased by this challenge: "This result was the latest in a run of results that has seen us unbeaten since the middle of November. We will be confident ahead of the trip to Dundee. We know they’ll be a tough outfit after they beat Sheffield in the quarters, but if we go up there and give it our all, we’re definitely capable of coming away with a positive result."

GOING OUT ON A HIGH

> Football prepare for NUL final with NUAFL victory over Leeds Met

BY DOMINIC O'SHEA York men’s 1sts showed exceptional mental strength and character to carve out a well-earned victory against a very highly regarded football university.

Having received their first heavy defeat of the season at the hands of Liverpool just four days earlier, York couldn’t have got off to a worse start.

Just seconds after kick-off the ball went loose into the air andboth Johnny MacWilliams and Dan Brown challenged for it.

A mammoth clash of heads saw both players laid out on the ground with serious head injuries; MacWilliams suffered a wide gash on his right eyebrow whilst York captain Dan Brown was concussed.

Both were taken to hospital for further treatment and the rest of the team were forced to make changes.

Simon Oatridge came on to replace Macwilliams at centre-back

and Dominic O’Shea moved into central midfield with Mike Flood coming on to play at centre forward.

It was not the start York had hoped or expected.

Despite this unsettling start it was the away side who were pressing for the opening goal. Mark Gouland laid off neatly for O’Shea to drive theball low towards the bottom corner only for the goalkeeper to tip it round the post.

Several corners followed but against a tall back line York failed to get the goal they were searching for, until some more tidy passing put Gouland in space.

Shifting the ball out from between his feet, he unleashed from all of thirty yards. The Leeds Met ‘keeper got a hand to the strike, but couldn’t keep it from hitting the back of the net.

1-0 up and York looked to be dominating the game. Joe Brennan and O’Shea were bossing the midfield and Ben Matthews and Simon Oatridge gave the Leeds forwards no time to muster up any chances.

Leeds Met’s only threat seemed to be from set pieces. Predictably, this was how they drew level.

A lofted ball saw the Leeds target man flick the ball on ahead of O’Shea and goalkeeper Sean Henderson was left stranded as the ball sailed in.

NUAFL Division 1

P 1 Sheffield 1st 7 2 Durham 1st 8 3 Leeds Met 1st 10 4 Liverpool 1st 9 5 Leeds 1st 6 6 Hull 1st 7 7 C. Lancs 1st 10 8 York 1st 6 9 Manchester 1st 9 10 Bradford 1st 10 11 Keele 1st 6 12 N'castle 1st 8

W 6 5 3 4 3 3 3 3 3 2 0 0

D 1 2 5 1 2 2 2 2 1 2 3 3

L 0 1 2 4 1 2 5 1 5 6 3 5

Pts 19 17 14 13 11 11 11 11 10 8 3 3

Table subject to oustanding results.

In the second half York were uncharacteristically slow to start, with Leeds looking the more likely to score.

They nearly drew ahead when,

again from a set piece, Henderson was beaten by the flight of the ball but luckily for York the challenging forward was offside.

This was a wake up call for the York players and they reacted well, with Henry Smith and Joe Brennan forcing the Leeds Met ‘keeper into several impressive saves.

York got their break through when Mark Gouland broke through only to be brought down from behind inside the penaly area.

Gouland then stepped up to tuck the spot-kick away in the bottom left-hand corner and put York into a lead they deserved.

Leeds Met. pushed for an equaliser but York stood firm at the back as they had done all game and held on for the 2-1 victory.

This was another win that showed that York can compete against some of the top universities in North England.

Having won their BUSA division and with the NUL Cup Final to look forward to, it’s been an immensely successful season for the team.

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday March 13, 2007

Photo: Xavier Nitsch

BASKETBALL: YORK 39 QUEEN MARY'S 50

NOT QUITE ENOUGH

> Women run out of steam in BUSA Plate final

BY DARIUS AUSTIN York's women narrowly failed in their bid to win the BUSA Plate by losing last Wednesday's final to Queen Mary's University.

It was only in the fourth quarter that Queen Mary's managed to assert some control and pull away slightly as York tired.

The match started poorly for York, with Queen Mary's winning the tip-off and immediately racing down to the basket to score after just three seconds.

York were quick to get themselves on the scoresheet, replying with a basket from captain Nicki Gaskill.

York then took the lead but were quickly hauled back in, giving away three free throws as Queen Mary's

moved into a 7-4 advantage.

While Queen Mary's remained in the lead for most of the quarter, York refused to let them get away. At the end of a tight-period, the scores were level at 13-13.

A bright opening to the second quarter saw York move into a 18-15 lead, but this was as good as it got for the home side.

Queen Mary's began to demonstrate their excellent ability at passing the ball and working space underneath the basket, resulting in a 22-27 scoreline at the end of the half.

Despite needing a strong start to the second half, York found themselves going even further behind as the excellent opposition players Ayguade and Grissett combined to score several more baskets.

At 23-34, York called a timeout in

an attempt to regroup and fight their way back into the match. The restart brought a much-needed two points for the White Rose, and the women managed to keep the gap from increasing.

At 27-37, York's fortunes picked up and they went on a 9-1 scoring run as Queen Mary's could only muster a solitary free throw.

By the end of the quarter, the home side had reduced the gap to just two points and Queen Mary's were looking increasingly nervous.

Unfortunately, it was again the class of Ayguade which told at the start of the fourth quarter and gavc the away side the impetus to win the match.

The opposition star reeled off three straight baskets, including a slick breakaway, to take the scores to

BETTINGVISION

BY ALEX RICHMAN The term is drawing to a close, but the opportunities to empty your bank account never cease. Vision would hate to see you spend all your money on chocolate this Easter, so why not follow our tips instead.

Many of you will be spending Easter with a splitting head-ache thanks to epic drinking sessions, but spare a thought for Peter Manfredo Junior. A graduate of talent show The Contender, the American will be wishing he only had a hangover after he takes on Joe Calzaghe in the Millenium Stadium in April - at least, that’s what everybody in England thinks.

Calzaghe’s best price is 1/16 (Pinnacle) but those in Manfredo’s inner circle maintain a confident belief that their man can outbox the Welshman. With all the hoopla surrounding the bout across the pond, including a glitzy contract with American station HBO, an outright loss for Calzaghe in his

20th defence (12/1 Pinnacle) may not be out of the question.

Now to sport with balls, where the Six Nations reaches its thrilling climax next weekend. The result remains delicately poised: Ireland have only four points to gain on France in a last match away at Italy.

Despite their dismal record, Italy are having their best Six Nations yet with two wins under their fashionable Gucci belts.

At home they’ll be no walkover, so even the Irish’s odds of 7/4 (Ladbrokes) for the championship seem slim. France look nailed on to take the trophy, with home advantage against a sorry Scottish side.

Unfortunately, at 8/15 (Ladbrokes) there’s limited value, so let’s return to another big event taking place in the Millenium Stadium.

England’s campaign ends in Wales, but despite their moraleboosting win to dash French grand slam hopes, they will be meeting a determined side with something to prove. Wales need to win to avoid the wooden spoon, and with

36-44.

The advantage gave Queen Mary's the opportunity to slow the game down, keeping the ball as long as possible and exploiting the tired legs of York. Despite their best efforts, York's attempts to register on the scoresheet proved futile for most of the quarter.

Time was called with Queen Mary's victors by a 50-39 scoreline.

Their celebrations were followed by the medal presentation, crowning Queen Mary's as Plate winners.

Gaskill was philosophical after the game, taking many positives from York's performance.

"It's the first time we've got this far, so that's a great achievement," declared Gaskill. "I think that's the best we've played as well, but in the end we were just unlucky."

43

Cricket in Lords final

BY LAURIE ALLSOPP

The Men’s Cricket Club are heading for an appearance at Lords next week, as they made it into the finals of the BUSA Indoor Championships.

In their semi-final tournament, played at the York Indoor Cricket Centre, York overcame Salford and MMU Cheshire without losing a single wicket.

The Salford side were bowled out for 64 with two balls of their allotted twelve overs left, a total which York picked off in just six overs. Openers Nick Vanner and Tom Hudson both scored 25 – at which point a batsman has to retire – as they raced towards the total.

There was a similar story in the second match against MMU. Again York bowled first, and again they eased their way to victory, knocking down MMU for 79 before reaching their target in seven overs.

Vanner and Hudson reached 25 again before retiring with the game already as good as won.

“No-one else got to double figures, but the openers set us up well”, said York first team captain Jamie Vanner.

“It’s difficult to pick out bowling performances as you only get three overs, but we fielded well and got a lot of run-outs.”

The finals are made up of a group stage involving two pools of three teams, then a final match. Joining York at Lords will be sides from Northumbria, Exeter, Leeds Met, UEA and Kent – the team will find out who they will face on the day.

“Exeter are a UCCE side, so they’ll be extremely tough to beat”, said skipper Vanner.

“Leeds Met should also put out a good team, so it’s not going to be easy.”

It should be a very difficult task for the UYMCC to prevail.

Exeter play in the BUSA Premier A alongside established UCCE teams, while York ply their trade in BUSA Northern Conference 2B. Leeds Met and Northumbria also field sides in the Northern 1st and Premier Leagues.

However, for York to have got this far is an achievement in itself, and the club will hope to build on their successes when the BUSA season starts in earnest next term.

THE FASTEST WAY TO BLOW YOUR STUDENT LOAN KNOWN TO MAN

Benitez will Never Walk Alone again if he can recapture the Champions' League.

France gunning for glory a defeat for rivals Scotland seems inevitable. Away from the supporters in Twickenham, even an England at full strength could struggle against the fired up Welsh side, so back Scotland to finish bottom (6/4 TotalBet).

In football, Liverpool will be looking to repeat their 2005 feat of transferring lacklustre league form into a European success.

The competition's field has now been slashed to eight teams, with the favourites’ odds tumbling too.

Chelsea are now just 100/30 (Stan James) whereas Manchester United are 41/10 (10Bet). If you’re tearing out your hair because you didn’t follow our advice last week, don’t worry. The actual draw has been very kind to the third and final British team in the competition.

Although Arsenal thought the same thing to their cost, Liverpool will see PSV as a soft draw. Should they progress, their semi-final opponents will be either Chelsea or Valencia.

The Spaniards have kept in

touch at the top of La Liga this year, and cannot be discounted, especially with David Villa leading the attacking line (9/1 to win outright with VCBet). However, Liverpool would be at home in the second leg, which is traditionally an advantage. This could put them in pole position to reach the last two.

Rafa Benitez has never had a trophy-less season, and holds a mean record in finals. Despite being third favourites, 31/5 is a tasty price (10Bet).

Lastly, the weekend saw another round of entertaining FA Cup ties, with each game averaging over three goals. Manchester United and Chelsea are the only horses in this race, with 1995 being the last year to see a team outside of ‘the big four’ take home the trophy.

Despite not having won their replays yet, take your pick from Ferguson (6/4) or Mourinho (9/4, both PremierBet). However, keep in mind that Chelsea have lost a record 9 FA Cup semi-finals - a feat only matched by Liverpool.

Tuesday March 13, 2007

MEET YOUR NEW AU PRESIDENT: JO CARTER

Issue 178

P41

AU: WE THROW GAMES

o t n e t a e r h t y e > Hock re t r a u q A S U B throw final e n i f A S U B 0 0 > £5 s s i m t a h t s b u l for c s e m a g t u o k c o n k

s: t i m d a e r o o M > t i e n o d e v ' e W before

EXCLUSIVE

BY DARIUS AUSTIN AU President Tom Moore has admitted to Vision that York teams have played to lose in BUSA knockout games to avoid penalty fines.

"We've sent teams out to lose in the past," he said. "This situation with the hockey team isn't just an individual case."

Men's Hockey were forced to contemplate throwing their knockout quarter-final as strict BUSA regulations left them with few options.

With the next round taking place in the Easter holidays, they would have lost their promotion, been disqualified from the knockout stages and fined £500 if they did not play.

When the club talked to the AU about reorganising the fixture, they discovered that there was no possibility that the match could be moved. Losing was the best way the club could avoid incurring penalties.

Men's President Andy Hook did praise the role of the AU in the affair, as they were very quick to offer help with transport costs and

organisation should the side have made it through.

But Hook was outraged over the incident and contemplating throwing the game: "It's a bit of a farce. We didn't start playing fixtures until week four this term. I don't see why BUSA can't just move the fixtures back so we don't have to play in the holiday."

Tom Moore explained that the regulations were standard BUSA policy: "BUSA knockout dates are set at the start of the year. The semifinal and final dates always fall in

the Easter holidays and can't be changed."

Hockey President and AU President elect Jo Carter was less philosophical about the situation, expressing her disappointment about the lack of co-operation from BUSA: "It is BUSA who are being inflexible and not letting us rearrange. The guys lost anyway so it is inconsequential, but it didn’t help knowing that they would have to travel in the holidays, either to Nottingham or Oxford, when most of the team would be spread the length of the country at home."

In the end, the team narrowly lost out on penalty flicks after a 2-2 draw. Hook believed that the issue played a part in their defeat: "I think it probably contributed to our loss. We lacked motivation because we weren't sure we could get a team out in the next round if we won."

The incident begs many questions about BUSA's scheduling policy and the opportunities for university teams.

Had hockey progressed, they would have been hard-pressed to win in the next round due to difficulties with assembling a team in