Issue 181

THE

T S I L R E W PO 06/07

REVEALED: THE BNP ON CAMPUS

PULL TIGER TAIL

>FEATURES

>THE SCENE INTERVIEW

P14

ISSUE 181

NUS SMALL-BUDGET PUBLICATION OF THE YEAR

www.yorkvision.co.uk

Wednesday June 27, 2007

>CENTRE SPREAD

E H T N I E R ' E W T I H S DUCK p13-14 WE GET OUT OUR DINGHY TO INVESTIGATE WHAT'S REALLY IN THE LAKE

STUDENT SAVES GIRL FROM RAPE EXCLUSIVE

BY LUCY TAYLOR

Heroic York undergrad beaten after tackling TWO men at midnight

A YORK student rescued a girl from a terrifying late-night assault – only for her attackers then to turn on him instead.

Mat Gilbert was left beaten and badly injured after he tackled two men he saw trying to abduct a girl on his way home one night last week.

He received a blow from behind that knocked him to the floor and split his head open.

Finally the electronics third year managed to fight off the two men, allowing the girl to break free and escape.

“I didn’t think about what I was doing at all.

I saw straight away that something was wrong and there was no one else there to help her,” the third-year told Vision yesterday.

“She was screaming, really loudly, and her cries made such a horrible sound I can’t describe it to you. The adrenaline kicked in and from then on I just got on with getting both of us out of that situation.”

The attack happened in Cambridge, where the student is finishing a work placement taken as part of his degree. Local police believe the assault may have been premeditated and without the student's intervention could have led as far as rape.

Gilbert is now in line for a public bravery award from the police for daring to take on the violent pair.

FULL STORY PAGE 6

2NEWS

YORK VISION

Wednesday June 27, 2007

your week NEWS AT A GLANCE

i

P2

Shock suicide attempt on Heslington Road

P3

Student engulfed in flames as drunken stunt goes horribly wrong

P4

York student attempts to stop a savage rape

P6

Investigation uncovers confusion over funding of the student venue.

Events in Halifax take

P7 a comedic turn for the worse.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"

The taxi driver was shook up – he couldn’t believe the guy’s head could actually have caused such a large dent.

"

Student resident at Hes Road

GOOD WEEK bad week GOOD WEEK

HALIFAX SPORTS

Despite cutting it fine, Halifax won their first ever college sport championship title on Friday.

BAD WEEK

HALIFAX ENTS

Only three baffled students turned up to their latest event.

How embarrassing...

the number cruncher 2m

EXCLUSIVE: STUDENTS LOOK ON IN HORROR AS MAN ATTEMPTS TO TAKE HIS LIFE

HES ROAD SUICIDE ATTEMPT

BY IAIN WITHERS RESIDENTS OF Heslington Road watched in horror last Sunday as a man attempted suicide by charging into the side of a taxi.

In the middle of receiving treatment by paramedics, the man bolted and sprinted towards his home on Apollo Crescent, shouting that he "wanted to die". The man was later removed from his house by police and taken to hospital.

Onlookers in the popular student area were left aghast by the incident. First year Sian Rowe witnessed the aftermath on her way from university to town: “It was horrifying. The man was obviously in a bad way. He was bleeding heavily from the ears.”

Shop assistant Jenny Robinson of the Spar close-by described the scene: “The taxi had a huge dent in one of its side doors where the man had launched himself headfirst into the side of the car.”

“The taxi driver was shook up – he couldn’t believe the guy’s head could actually have caused such a large dent.”

She described her shock at the sight of the man bolting whilst being treated by paramedics: “One minute the guy was unconscious and the next he was sprinting straight up the road. I don’t know how he did it.”

Mrs. Robinson explained that the man was notoriously unstable.

The local resident had attempted suicide once before and had been barred from Spar for aggressive behaviour during drug and booze binges.

Neighbours of the man explained how seven years ago an argument with his then-partner escalated and resulted in their walls being covered in blood.

Mrs. Robinson expressed her hope that the man could now put his life back on track: “He was generally a nice bloke. I hope he can get through this.”

1013 3

>MAN LEFT BLEEDING HEAVILY FROM HIS EARS

YORK VISION Wednesday June 27, 2007

Estimated cost of planned Hes East student venue.

Adam Thorn Lucy Taylor Deputy Editors: Iain Withers Katie Jacobs Managing Editor: Emily Walton Toby Scalisbrick Head of IT: Nick Evans News Editor: Richard Byrne-Smith Deputy News: Lizzy Dale Anna Bevan Comment Editor: Tom Sheldrick Cartoonist: John Sharp Features Editors: Emma Barrow Editors:

1.4m

>LOCAL RESIDENT RUNS INTO TAXI

Gallons of bacteria ridden water in the uni lake.

Members of Halifax College Number of those who turned up to the latest Halifax event.

Claudia Stern Hannah Wadcock Sian Rowe Lifestyle Editors: Charlotte Chung Deputy Lifestyle: Sophie Hurst Sarah Stretton Style Editor: Katie Jackson Deputy Style: Kate Reeves Food and Drink: Fiona Scott Deputy F&D: Lydia Mills Travel Editor: Beth Rudge Deputy Travel: Rod James Deputy Features:

Lauren Cockbill Alex Richman Deputy Sports: Ollie Webb Rob Romans Proof Reader: Sarah Hurst Rachael Eyton Photo Editor: Alex Papushoy Emily Kent Deputy Photo: Tom Hole Social Sec: Rob Romans Acting Web Editor: JamesWatson Tom Hole Sports Editors:

Call us: 01904 433720 www.yorkvision.co.uk Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2007.

Printed by York & County Press.

Wednesday June 27, 2007

PICTURE EXCLUSIVE

STUDENT ON FIRE PRANKSTERS STUDENT IN CDOUSE THE OLOGNE

>VIDEO POSTED ON FACEBOOK >VICTIM NARROWLY MISSES SKIN GRAFT

BY JASMINE PHILLIPS A STUDENT has suffered second degree burns after a drunken stunt went horribly wrong.

The male second year student, who would prefer not to be named, found himself engulfed in flames after taking a lighter to his chest having doused himself in cologne.

The Jackass-style stunt, which was filmed and posted on Facebook, occurred following a raucous fivea-side football team social.

The burns victim admitted to being ‘extremely drunk’ having consumed a considerable amount of strongly alcoholic punch followed by a further £20 worth of drinks in town.

Having been refused entry into three York nightclubs, and only lasting a short while in Toffs before being kicked out, the team headed back to a fellow player’s house.

A mock cologne, entitled ‘Sex Appeal by Jovan’, had been previously purchased by the student’s

housemate, intending it to be tried and tested that night for its power to attract any woman.

However, goaded by his friends, the drunken footballer willingly rubbed the cheap fragrance all over his chest whilst a friend used a lighter to spark off the stunt.

In a shocking turn of events, the male student became engulfed in flames and the room, initially filled with laughter, rang to the sound of terrified screaming.

“When I realised the fire wasn’t going out I knew I had done something monumentally stupid” said the student.

Under the pressure of the situation, the student recalled a childhood educational video sporting the famous advice ‘Stop. Drop. And Roll.’ Employing the tactics, the student was forced to roll on the bed in the room until the fire was out.

The observer who was filming the scene, is said to have dropped his phone in shock, while others ran petrified from the room.

One witness said that she found the whole situation “shocking and harrowing”.

To make things worse, the screams attracted the attention of the neighbours who, disgruntled at having been woken by the late night noise, threatened to call the police.

“It was the most pain I have ever been in”, the second year told Vision, “I couldn’t go two seconds without putting cold water on it, and soon after massive blisters appeared all over my chest”.

Friends stayed with him during the night helping him relieve the burns. He was soothed with numerous cold baths, moisturiser, water sprayed from an emptied bleach bottle and a frozen chicken.

Doctors classed his burns as second degree saying that he was “stupid and lucky that he didn’t have to have a skin graft”.

“I have learnt my lesson and won’t be doing it again”, said the student.

VANBRUGH CHUCK VOMIT BOMBS

BY SIAN ROWE

A PUNCH party ended in chaos last Wednesday when end-of-season celebrations took a messy turn. team’s football Vanbrugh quad booze-up was interrupted when they were attacked with water bombs from the top floor of a Vanbrugh block.

"One poor person who had already been sick twice was hit in the

3 UNI FINALLY AGREES TO FUND RECYCLING NEWS

YORK VISION

crotch with a water bomb. A couple of water bombs landed in the punch, which was the main cause of our irritation," said first team captain Jack Nicholas, describing the team's welcome.

With their alcohol coming under threat from the block residents, the team began chanting "protect the punch" in a bid to save it from prying mouths.

However, things quickly got out of hand.

“Someone was refrained from throwing a bag of sick back at them after many shouts of 'don’t do it'.

When we asked a sports rep to see if he could stop it, he went into the kitchen and threw a saucepan of water at us," said Nicholas.

Fired up by the assault from a member of their own JCRC, Nicholas defends the team’s mischievous actions.

It was during a break in the drinking games that the team took

OBSERVERS IG NITE THE FLAMM AB LE COCKTAIL

BY SIAN ROWE

THE UNIVERSITY has finally agreed to provide kerbside recycling to all student residences on campus at a cost of £20,000.

The campus, which currently recycles 38% of its waste, relies on student volunteers to conduct kitchen collections. The new plans will see university staff collecting and recycling waste instead.

In May, JCRC Eco Reps expressed concerns over unsafe practises and lack of resources.

"As long as we depend on student volunteers it’s locked into student kitchens. It’s not fair to expect such a huge commitment from volunteers” said YUSU Ethics and Environment Officer Tom Langley.

The colour-coded bin system will be implemented in all campus kitchens from next term, while plans are underway to extend the design to Heslington East.

Langley hopes the system may also influence students off-campus.

“We’re hoping that by implementing a scheme on campus we’ll encourage recycling in private sector accommodation," he said.

In addition, a team of 'Energy Champions' have been established by university bosses in an attempt to tackle unsustainable practises in all academic departments.

However, YUSU admit that they have a lot to do in promoting the proposal, ensuring posters are placed around campus and guides are distributed to Freshers.

“We’re not just going to throw bags at students and ignore it.

We’ve got a lot of work to follow it up”, said Langley.

Photo by Alex Papushoy

THE STUDE EXPLODES INNT TO

FLAMES

HULL ROAD MUGGING

BY ANNA BEVAN

opportunity to retaliate.

"We headed up to the kitchen, robbed the rest of the water bombs, filled them, and threw them around the top floor. Milk and other things were thrown out of the window as well as all of the sauces being turned upside down with their lids off.”

The team are still not happy with their assailants who have so far refused to comment on Wednesday’s events.

A THIRD year History student was threatened on Hull Road by two men wielding knives, who demanded money from him and his sibling as they were walking back from town.

One of the offenders grabbed the undergraduate’s brother and held the knife against his throat, whilst the other ordered the two lads to hand over their cash.

After showing the “thuggish looking” men that they had nothing on them of any value, the criminals retracted their weapons and let the boys go, only to repeat the attack on the next passing student.

The police were soon called to the scene of the crime and have since arrested one man in connection with the attempted mugging; however he has currently been released on bail pending his court case at the end of this month.

Police spokesman Colin Ventris stressed that this was “an isolated incident” and does not consider Hull Road to be a particularly dangerous part of the city.

4NEWS

student press We read them...

...so you don't have to And the winner is...

A reality TV show in India is giving competitors the chance to win a full scholarship to study at the University of Leeds, reports the Leeds Student.

The prize, which covers tuition fees and living expenses, is worth in excess of £45,000 and will be presented to the winner in August ready for the start of the new academic year in 2007/8.

The show will broadcast on both New Delhi Television (NDTV) and in the UK on SKY television, with thousands of Indian students desperate to be in with a chance of winning.

Reality degrees... what a joke.

Quiet please!

Exeter University were forced to use low-noise fireworks at their end of year ball, following numerous letters of complaint from local residents, states Exeter Univseristy newspaper Exepose.

It was argued that noisy displays were inappropriate when nearby children had to go to school the next day. The University had to alter their plans and re-purchase materials so as not to upset their neighbours.

Let’s just hope graduates celebrated the end of their degrees in silence too.

Hyper-exams Oxford students have been turning to Ritalin to increase their concentartion levels during exam periods, writes Oxford University newspaper The Cherwell.

The ‘dangerous’ prescription drug, which is normally used to treat sufferers of ADHD, is dealt frequently on campus making students more productive and able to concentrate on their studies.

However, doctors have warned that possible side effects of taking Ritalin include heart palpitations, high blood pressure and clinical depression. So, maybe it’s not worth it then!

Get doped!

A Warwick University undergraduate has been thrown out of halls after his friends were found smoking cannabis in his room, even though he was not present at the time.

The Warwick Boar reports how student, Daniel King, has had to find alternative accommodation off-campus, regardless of the fact that he was not involved in the drug taking.

King told them that he found the punishment “overly harsh”, since he was at no point found in possession of, or using, marijuana.

YORK VISION

Wednesday June 27, 2007

AMID CONFLICTING STATEMENTS, VISION ASKS...

?

Y A P A N N O G WHO'S > CONFUSION OVER FUNDING OF STUDENT VENUE S

V T N E D U T S

2m

R E B M U N E ENUE... TH

D ESTIMATE

500m 2m 600k

UE

VEN F O T S O C NITIAL

I

EAST S E H F O ST TOTAL CO FOR G N I N N A L E ON P R U T I D N E UNI EXP NEW CAMPUS DGET U B N O I N RSU THIS YEA

BY RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH AN INVESTIGATION by Vision has revealed confusion over the source of funding for the planned student venue on the new Heslington East campus.

Statements issued by SU sabbs and university officials fail to agree over who will stump up the estimated £2 million for the initial setup of the new venue.

High-ranking YUSU sabbs remain insistent that the Union will end up footing the entire bill, even saying that Brian Cantor had confirmed as much in a private meeting.

However, a statement from the university says that there is "no suggestion that the Students' Union would have to pay for the stu-

dent venue", but that discussions were still ongoing.

"A draft business plan has been drawn up for the student venue on Heslington East, but there are number of areas which need more work. We are in consultation with YUSU on the way forward" said the statement.

Union officers have made clear to Vision that they would "prefer" as much control of the new building as possible.

"In a way, it would be better if YUSU entirely funded the venue, as it will mean that we would have entire control over its running. We would not be reliant on the university" said Colin Hindson, Societies and Communications Officer.

He explained that any money would have to be sourced from "a

mixture of bank loans, savings accounts and fundraising events."

However, the debate has raised concerns that a potentially massive bill would leave YUSU reeling in debt for years to come.

Furthermore, a week after next year's budget was passed, it has also thrown into question the most appropriate way of spending SU money.

Hindson pointed out that some union venues receive much, or the entirity of their funding from the university itself. He singled out Reading University Union, which was recently overhauled “to the tune of millions” – all funded by the university.

“If the university had money to burn, it would be amazing for them to fund the new venue,” he said.

However, a Freedom of Information Act request has revealed that the university has already spent £2 million in Hes East planning costs alone.

The new campus, which was given the final go-ahead last month, will be built over eight years, with the planned venue scheduled for the last phase – currently destined for completion in 2017.

The YUSU Strategic Plan, penned by last year’s leading duo, Micky Armstrong and Nat Thwaites-McGowan, originally set out the SU’s “wish list” for a student building on Hes East, with generous room for student offices and a 1000 capacity bar and venue on the first floor.

... as we reveal how top admin bosses spent £300k on legal bills alone

BY RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH LEGAL BILLS incurred during the university's planning process for Heslington East totalled a staggering £300,000 in four years, Vision has learned.

The findings come in a Freedom of Information request which details university expenditure on

planning and developement for the new campus. Between 2002 and 2006, this totalled a massive £2 million.

However, the university was keen to point out that the funds will be "set against the capital allocation for Heslington East", meaning they have not been taken from uni running costs.

NEWS

YORK VISION

Wednesday June 27, 2007

FANCY A PARTY? D N I F T ' N O W ...YOU X A F I L A IT IN H Just THREE people turn up to their last event

BY JASMINE PHILLIPS HALIFAX CONTINUED its run of spectacularly unsuccessful events this term, as its Greasethemed Summer Lovin' event attracted no advance ticket sales whatsoever.

The college, which possesses the largest number of student residents on campus, was forced to close the event at 10.30pm when only three students turned up. The students had their tickets speedily refunded.

Despite its massive membership

of 1013 students, Halifax HCSA has seen dwindling numbers continually threaten unpopular events.

An event earlier in the term attracted a measly 14 students. Both events made a financial loss.

However, Tim Day, Chair of Halifax College Student Association blamed students' "economic situation at the end of the year" for the event failure.

“There are many rival events happening, such as Summer Balls, Woodstock and Big D,” he said. Day also insisted that Halifax college spirit was not waning, exemplified by their College Cup victory.

"We are looking to make radical changes in terms of events for the new academic year to improve value for, and appeal to, students.”

Langwith was also recently hit by event misfortune, when P&P reps "forgot" to include the date on publicity for their Tropicarnival event.

Described as "ridiculous" by one student, the poster debacle is said to have caused a decreased attendance at the event. It is rumoured that the unfortunate reps are being threatened with a vote of no confidence over the embarrassing blunder.

WATER BOMBS THREATEN NEW BEACH EVENT

BY ANNA BEVAN GOODRICKE BEACH Party had to be temporarily closed when guests started throwing water bombs, which collided with staff and narrowly missed damaging thousands of pounds worth of Ents equipment.

Bar manager, Steve Bearpark, urged the event to be shut down for health and safety reasons when it became apparent that much of the dance floor was occupied by water spillages.

Second year Hannah Headden said, “It looked like a paddling pool in there, the lights came on and they tried to get everyone out, but people were drunk and confused as to what was going on.”

Guests were removed from the college’s dining hall and told to go home before Amy Woods, YUSU Services and Finance Officer, stepped in to negotiate reopening the Beach Party once the damage had been cleared up.

This meant that bikini-clad students were forced to stand outside and wait whilst members of

Goodricke JCRC had to get down on their hands and knees to tidy up the mess.

The event was eventually reopened and people were moved to different areas of the hall in order to let the floor dry. However, the disturbance meant that many students did not want to hang around and wait.

Ents rep Joe Clarke said, “I can certainly say that the incident had a direct effect on people leaving. When the event closed approximately 30 - 40 students left.”

MINGING MAGGOT MISERY

5

A HORRIFIED postgrad found her friend's mouldy trainers infested with maggots after he left them hidden in her room for weeks.

The usually meticulous student was left squirming when she found the trainers tucked under her desk.

The discovery prompted an angry message to her friend, informing him: "Your fetid cheesy old Converse are now in the bin".

The postgrad then set about ridding her room of the infestation.

It seems likely that the maggots were attracted to the warmth of the trainers as they sought warmer climbs in the process of getting ready to metamorphose into flies.

The cause of the maggot infestation was probably skin cells left in the shoes, as maggots are attracted to animal remains – even hair.

GOODSTOCK TURNS LOSS ROUND WOODSTOCK, RAG'S 12 hour music festival proved successful with punters on Saturday, as it pocketed over £5000 for charity after the introduction of a voluntary entrance fee.

Last year, the event made an embarrassing financial loss.

Spread over venues around Vanbrugh, the event featured 27 campus bands, as well as other performing societies.

RAG also used the opportunity to anncounce its beneficiaries for the next academic year, which have been halved from 10 to 5.

The five beneficiaries – Local HCPT, St Leonard's Hospice, Yorkshire Cancer Research, National Macmillian, and International Glona – did not include Student Action for the first time in a number of years.

UNI CARD TO BECOME VALID ID

CONTINUING PROBLEMS with non-British ID in town has prompted YUSU to take matters into its own hands.

International students, who repeatedly find their national ID refused in bars and clubs, will have their date of births added to their university cards from next year.

Currently in talks with town venues, the SU says it is "confident" that it can persuade owners to accept the cards as valid forms of ID. However, to save modesty, the new system will only be applied to students under 25 years of age.

OSA President Marco McAllister said that the association had been working towards such a solution, and was "very pleased" with YUSU's action.

Photos by Alex Papushoy

6NEWS FOUNTAIN OFF FOR GOOD THE ICONIC fountain near Central Hall has been shut off permanently because it has been deemed a human health risk.

An outide contractor found bacterial levels in the lake at 18 times the norm for bathing waters.

Uni grounds guru, Gordon Eastham, suggested that "it was not a good idea" to spray such rancid water at passers-by "like an aerosol".

YORK VISION

Wednesday June 27, 2007

EXCLUSIVE: SELFLESS STUDENT SPEAKS OUT AFTER STOPPING ASSAULT

f o d n o c e s t i l p s "There was a e c a f s i h n o f e i l e absolute disb t x e n e h t n e h T when he saw me. " r o o  e h t n o s a w I thing I knew

Continued from Page 1

YUSU: BETTER BY DEGREES

YUSU SCRAPED through a motion at the Union General Meeting vote last week to add three Board of Studies Reps to the Student Union Senate.

The plan, which will come into force from October, is hoped to mean that academic concerns will be given equal weighting with the other issues that YUSU deals with dayto-day.

It is also intended to provide a link between departments and YUSU.

LIBRARY? DON'T WORRY...

IT'S FINE LIBRARY FINES are to be increased for the first time in ten years after a poll revealed it was what students wanted.

The survey revealed that students felt disgruntled when waiting for a requested item to be returned.

The fines, which will come into force in October, have been increased to provide more of a deterrent to book-hoarders.

However, a library spokesperson was keen to point out that "noone who returns or renews items on time would be fined."

State the obvious?...

> HERO TELLS VISION: I STILL GET FLASHBACKS

Vision Reconstruction: by Alex Papushoy

>> FEATURE, PAGES 13-14

BY LUCY TAYLOR A STUDENT who stepped in to halt a potentially serious assault on a young girl has been commended by police for his actions.

The third year Electronics student has been told he could be in line for a Public Bravery award from Cambridgeshire police after his actions left him beaten and "heavily concussed". "h "I didn't see straight for three days," Mat Gilbert told Vision this weekend. "I was really concussed, sick and dizzy. My face is still in a bit of a state, state but that will heal.

"I just keep thinking how lucky I am a that I was there and I managed to save her."

Gilbert was cycling home from town at around midnight one night last week when he came across the attack.

"I saw a man with his arm around this girl's neck, draggging her away from the path towards some bushes.

"I ran up and started yelling at him to leave her alone, leave her alone," he said. "He seemed shocked to see me - there was a split second

of absolute disbelief on his face.

Then the next thing I knew I was on the floor."

The student had been knocked to the ground by a blow to the back of the head from a second attacker.

"I'd been completely focused on the man holding the girl. The other one was hiding in the shadows, I didn't even see him coming," he said.

"He didn't just hit me with his fist, he used some kind of object, like a bat of some kind. It split my head open and completely floored me. But somehow the adrenaline was flowing, I knew I had to spring back up, so I did.

"That was the first point I realised this was really serious. If I hadn't got up then as fast as I did I would have been in a very vulnerable position."

Cambridgeshire police have been keen to praise the York undergraduate for his quick thinking, suggesting that his interrupting the two men mid-attack prevented anything more serious happening to the original female victim.

That the men did not attempt to

YORKVISION

steal money from either of their victims suggests that the attack was organised in advance and targeted the young female in particular.

"At the time though, I felt almost nothing," said Gilbert. "No fear, no excitement. Everything happened at about 100 miles an hour."

"I'm quite a big guy, and although these two blokes were stocky, I was able to hold my own. We struggled a bit and the girl broke free and ran away.

"I think I surprised them, more than anything - they weren't expecting anyone to go that way at that time of night."

Although Mat Gilbert and the female victim both escaped their attackers and went straight to the police, no one has yet been found in connection with the assaults.

The student is keen, though, to warn others of the dangers of being out alone at night.

"The path we were on that night is well-lit, with security cameras, and in quite a nice area. You wouldn't think things like this could happen there.

"The danger is always there even

when you don't think about it, so it's really important to stay aware and stick together with other people, especially if you're a girl who's been out at night."

Gilbert's injuries were severe enough after the assault that doctors in hospital asked him to stay in overnight to monitor his injuries.

Longer-term, though, he is confident that he won't suffer any lasting damage.

"The worst thing is that I keep having flashbacks to that night in my sleep," he said. "I'm finding it difficult to go to sleep, so I'll just lie there and suddenly think: whoa! when it all comes back to me.

"But at the end of the day I'm still here, still smiling."

He added: "I definitely wouldn't do anything differently if I found myself in the same situation again.

I've thought about that quite a lot, but I can't think of any other way I could have acted.

"They had it all planned out - if I'd gone off to find help or call the police, by the time I got back she would have gone."

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YORK VISION

COMMENT

Wednesday June 27, 2007

THE VOICE OF

Heroic act deserves recognition

M

any of us facing Mat Gilbert's ordeal would have turned and run away. But he didn't: he did what he had to do.

Any human being who places themselves in danger to protect another deserves enormous respect. But make no mistake: rape ruins lives. Gilbert literally put his life on the line to save another's. The significance of this should not be understated.

His encounter also highlights issues with student safety. We all think it won't happen to us, but it can, and it does.

Official recognition of this act of immense bravery is a necessity. Society should take heed: Gilbert is a model to us all.

Flaming Stupid

H

igh five to the second year who sprayed himself in cologne and set himself on fire.

Ok so it's not really a laughing matter (and obviously we're glad he didn't go entirely up in smoke) but to be honest it's the end of term and we're always up for the chance to flirt with a few puns.

The burning question then, is just how he came to be so drunk in the first place that this seemed like a good idea. Perhaps he has a fiery temperament, or is feeling the heat of exam pressure.

Maybe he's blazing a trail for the rest of us to follow.

Or igniting a passion for pyromania that could well last him a lifetime.

Saying what no-one else will...

Richard Byrne-Smith STUDENT DEBT: Morally justified

I

am quite happy with my student debt. Yes, you heard me right – I’m not actually complaining about the fact that I will leave this place £10,000+ in the red. And it’s not because I’m rich either.

This month, student debt smashed the £3bn barrier. Everyone else screamed doom; I couldn’t bring myself to bat an eyelid.

You what? Surely I’m letting the side down here? If we believe what the NUS attempts to shove in our faces on a daily basis, every student across the land resents their student loan. But it’s not true: I love it.

The simple fact is, I have had a great time at university. And, with a year left, I plan to make it even greater. Of course, this has cost me money – a sickeningly large amount of it – but it is money that I don’t begrudge having spent – and I know I never will.

Let’s look at the facts.

I’m 19. In a month, I will no longer be a teenager. And from then on?

Well, according to a spurious statistic dredged from my memory, I am already a year past my biological prime. It can only be downhill from here.

In what is, let’s be honest, only a few years, I may have a job (hopefully), I may have a house (hopefully), I may – let’s push the boat out a bit here – even have a family. Will I be able to lead a fun, spontaneous, ‘I Just Don’t Care’ lifestyle? Definitely not.

Truth be told, I am not currently particularly fun, spontaneous or carefree, but that’s not the point – I know that I could be if I really want-

A

s the year draws to a close, oh final year readers, we start to worry about the fact that you're all, well, leaving,

If you're off into the big bad world, don't bother.

Seriously, it's scary as hell out there. Do an MA, or a PHD, or if you've done both of those already (quick nod to postgrad readers) get yourself a teaching post, you must be more than qualified by now.

We might not ever actually see you, being locked away in our smelly Vision bunker for 362 days a year as we are, but we appreciate that you read, riot against, and occasionally respond to what we have to say.

We'll miss you.

attempting to play to the generally liberal student agenda, completely shoots itself in the foot by highlighting a sickeningly malignant selfishness deeply rooted in the student psyche. In other words, the assumption that, for some confusing reason, we actually deserve taxpayers’ money funding our lives.

The truth is that we were all pretty lucky – we were intelligent enough to get a place at university.

And, armed with that handy piece of paper called a degree, are pretty guaranteed a better life – in monetary terms – than without it.

Furthermore, regardless of the degree, we will probably have had three (or more) years completely scott free – away from responsibility and burden.

What, then, justifies the droning mantra telling us that we should fight for a free student existence?

This seemingly right-wing criticism, does not, in fact, belong to any political persuasion. It belongs to morality – subjective as it may be.

How on earth anyone sees it right to milk fellow citizens of hardearned cash to fund our three years of – let’s face it – pretty cushy living, [The student loan money tree: when many of them will fail to reap an extremely handy piece of foliage.] any reward, completely surpasses my level of understanding.

It’s just not right. And that’s why dent loan: it doesn’t have to be now.

I’m more than happy to leave uniWhen I am old, grey and boring, I am positive that I won’t mind losing a versity with a massive money stone round my neck. few grand for some of the best memories of my life. What’s more, if all I know I can earn it back. And even goes to plan, I will be wealthy enough if it takes me years, I am certain that to not even notice the loss.

I will consider my invaluable gains But there is a more fundamental at university far more seriously than issue at work here – one I have covthe financial losses they have cost ered before. In my experience, the me. well-used student debt foghorn, while ed. And, as we are all aware, it’s my student loan which would probably help in providing it; anyone suggesting otherwise is probably a liar.

We’ve all heard some old relative or teacher ‘helpfully’ suggest that “your university years are the best of your life”. They probably will be.

Then why on earth should they be free?

Of course, at some point I will actually have to pay for my fun and frivolity, but that’s the joy of the stu-

FRAMED!

Burn baby burn.

Have a good life

7

Woodstock. ing. smash It was err....

IN CELEBRATION

RAIN

Me and the sun don 't get on.

When I was sixteen I burnt my feet so badly they tur ned purple. I couldn't actually walk for a week.

And that was in Devon .

So imagine my deligh t when it started tipping it dow n this weekend.

With the sun handil y hidden behind a mass of clo uds, my skin was finally free from persecution.

What's more, I posses s the biggest

OF:

umbrella known to man, making a rainy stroll pre tty, well... dry.

As a result, I have become something of a rai n sadist: taking enormous ple asure in watching others run around getting drenched.

It's really quite fun . Buy a massive brolly, wait for a shower, and try it out for yourself.

JOKE IT'S TIME WE SORTED OUT OUR OF A WATER FEATURE ance he lake is supposed to enh nt exte our campus, and to some it does. d beBut when an ornamental ponrities prio , risk lth hea an hum a comes need to be reigned in. tests to We do not need scientific pus lagoon tell us that our famous cam t puddle of is little more than a stagnan rancid water. ng was Surely it's time somethi lime green done about this stinking, dy really health danger, before somebo es. enc sequ con nt pote its ers suff

T

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Wednesday June 27, 2007

LETTERS

9

Write to us: Vision Letters, Grimston House Email us: comment@vision.york.ac.uk

ary 'Cam e legend 't spell n o st ju an oesn 's more th his retirement d ersity. that there at niv It seems ets just hope th n touch' at the u L a pus Ken.' end of the 'hum the

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l pact of the ethica trated on the im considwe as The article concen id Ra g bate on Vikin merchandising de lopment in a long-running story. ve de w ne a is th d both sides of a ere avours to publish de en s ay alw Vision debate.

Farewell Ken

Poker and R otten

Dear Vision,

And your on line gamblin As a relati article misse g ve newcom d the point er to peop the uni bein that le love poke g one of the r as it is new mainl bunch of po On behalf of the freshers of James y a game of rters I though skill but t I’d gr ab m an up College, I just wanted to write to say insight into pets can oc the stu- w cassionally dent mind by in if they hi goodbye to our Provost Ken Todd. reading Visio t it lucky. T n. best ti In the last ed he Ken's been here from the beginning, me to play ition I was is about ho rri fi ed 2a to see you sl .m on a Su and is retiring this summer. He is nday mor ni ated John Lydon/John ng when lots of quite literally the life and soul of the ny Rotten Saturday ni as a drun ta le ght nt le ss college, always on hand to answer ks log on non celeb. and simply Have give none of yo any questions, or provide some gosmoney away u heard “N betting on ever hand Mind the Bol sip. Us freshers are such a close-knit s th at can’t win locks here’s . Sounds th Se e x lik Pi stols”, w e a good w group, despite all living in different ay to pay of single hand hich almost any stud f houses, because of Ken and his 'James edly chan ent loans to ged and w the face of me....

Spirit' right from the beginning! hy has this proper mus uni not got ic? a poke Get your ar Thanks Ken! r team? (How se down to T ever anyrack one Records or do w Chris, ho plays fruit m wnload. List achines en and lear n. on line dese rves all the punishment they Dear Vision, get as it is im possible to be at the in built Raid has alw percentage). ays been ov We'd like to er-subscribed, and clarify a few Cheers, there is no re points from your ar as believe that ticle "Vikin students wou on to g Raid Under Threa ld be put off by an ex C.J t". It is true tra pound. that the motion has The problem caused mor e s work for with Fruit of the Ents reps tten as a Loom go far the , but actually e of Johnny Ro beyond thos a lot of this work w Firstly, the us leb' was far more due e stated in the article, as undertak ce and they ar en by us, ck and we wer 'talented non e far from the hardly ro being the on e more than t appearance on ly unethica happy to ou s e hi do it; second m to t Ge l supplier.

If anyone is lebrity ly, this extra ith roll 'I'm a Ce w interested w s d work is rt a one-off – on an fo e would be more than his musical ef ce the merch happy to ex of here!' than andise has been so plain the policy in mor Sex Pistols. urced for th y ar nd ge is event the le gambling e detail, plea we will have port on online se email environmen re a working pr e's w out how Sian Ro g t@yusu.org tin ecedent, and the proc , or view d with poin the policy at ess will beco was concerne n become ca www.yusu.o s me much ct simpler. di ad t en rg/ugm/ policy. isolated stud ks for the As for the ri ers, but than se in costs, e virtual from their pe th at u the Viking e yo Tom William off. We'll se tip s and Tom L angley poker table!

Dear Vision,

Give in to the conference campus snatchers DEPUTY EDITOR

Iain WITHERS

T

he raid happens as soon as your back is turned. Hundreds if not thousands of greasy haired businessmen take to the concourses of Physics and come to fester in the blocks of Alcuin.

There’s something unedifying about it all. This is a place of learning! Surely the university shouldn’t seek to fellate every man or woman that gets their wallets out? For three months campus becomes a glistening sacrifice to the gods of higher education, or at least those clutching at the university purse strings, the conference guests. Heslington East is the latest offering, a place where student rooms are an afterthought to the main agenda – that of conference hotels and luxurious function rooms.

Rubbish. I wish people would stop moaning about conferences.

Students should count their blessings. The university makes easy money from businesses during the conference season and they’re in a damn sight better position to pay for their services than us students. We should have no qualms about York’s attempts to milk the conference circuit for all its worth.

Better to make a profit out of The City than out of us students.

Conference turnover last year, we’re led to believe, was £4 million, whereas income from student fees this year has risen above £32 million.

I know who I’d rather see footing

the uni’s bill.

The critics are puritans at heart, harking back to an age when higher education was free and government subsidies abundant. University education, opened up to all, is now a very expensive business – £167 million worth of expense in the case of York last year.

It would be hypocritical for students to lambaste tuition fees and then lambaste the alternative means of funding. The days of full state funding are gone. National higher education policy, opened up to everyone, is ambitious and progressive and rightly so – so much so that the state cannot fund the expansion by itself.

With an ever widening black hole it makes sense for students to clear the way for the seething corporate masses. York can make more from a conference guest in a day than it could from a student’s rent in a week. So what if you’re forced to vacate your plush blocks whenever the vacations come around? Fill ‘em up, I say. The argument from ‘principle’ that a university should be a student's private playground is precious nonsense.

There is a balance to be struck between the academic and corporate, of course. A balance the university thus far seems to be getting disastrously wrong. The ammount of investment in students on this campus is unsatisfactory, and York slips further down the university

league tables as a result. Students are resigned to sub-standard resources today as the university pays for financial mismanagement in the past and gleaming glass visions of the future.

For a university whose reputation is built on academic expertise on a compact campus, the bombast of Heslington East is difficult to ignore. It will double the size of campus and will, perhaps, be visible from space. It certainly isn’t in keeping with the York tradition and a more gradual expansion, keeping to our strengths, would surely have been more appropriate.

The sheer enormity of the project requires more schmoozing up to the private sector. The news that a dedicated conference hotel with 100 dedicated bedrooms is in the pipeline for Heslington East will dismay some students. 38% of

the new campus will be used for commercial ventures such as office space rather than lecture halls or student facilities.

But having bit the Hes East bullet, this is what the university will have to do. There’s no way we could afford it otherwise.

If we take the laughable grandeur of Heslington East out of the equation, sweet-talking the conference circuit should not be attacked per se.

Jon Greenwood, the man in charge of defending conferences at York, seems eerily genuine. “Our only mission in life is to plough money into the core of providing education,” he says, adding that “Conferences are the only reason why we manage to keep the rent as low as we do.”

Of course, he’s paid to say that.

But think of that other rapidly

expanding source of university income – student tuition fees. The profit this institution makes from students’ education funds an increasing array of this university’s research and development operations (out of arts students, they make a killing). Research overheads are not covered by most research contractors and have to be covered by the university. Many academic departments’ behind the scenes strategies for tackling such shortfalls depend heavily on increasing the profit they make from students.

Why not plug the gap with conference revenues, rather than spiralling student fees?

The conference market is worth £10.3 billion in this country. I’d much rather the university made as much money as they can from conferences, rather than profiting from students.

10 COMMENT

YORK VISION

Wednesday June 27, 2007

>COLUMNS

Lizzy DALE

T

he weary road to success is back-logged with tiresome rejections, re-hashed CV’s and repetitive interview clichés.

Graduates harnessed down by the concrete blocks of unemployment, feverishly chip away, hammer and nail, unleashing three years of distilled education, vodka tonics and excess fat caused from radioactive foods. As a soon-to-be graduate, the prospect of ending up with a failing career and rising debt appears imminent. I’ve spent more time on a train this term heading to the city for job interviews than I have handcuffed to a graffitied desk in the library.

Amidst the media notion that we are a procrastinating generation of sick leave, gap-years and quantitative degrees, those who do bite the leash of success are pulled into the rat race; overstating their assets at the expense of their peers.

So what's the solution? Here’s a theory for the future: the notion of

"Two fingers up to Mr Sunday Times who once coined us the graveyard of student ambition" deploying human branding in packaged form into the mechanics of the promotions industry. Imagine- the HR departments would gasp as an avalanche of talking parcels cascade into the room. A medley of soprano and falsetto voices outbidding one another for the position, with skills; education; experience; contacts. As it is, prominent consumer brands rely on the success of brand marketing initiatives - just as I, a confident individual pursuing a career in PR, must rely on the success of my personal communications to get me noticed.

But will it all be worth it in the end? Of course! We Yorkers bestow something quite special - a sense of ambition entwined with a real grasp of reality. Two fingers up to Mr Sunday Times who once coined us ‘the graveyard of student ambition.’

I haven’t yet failed to get down to the final candidates in every job I’ve gone for. I haven’t been put off when Miss double first from Cambridge whose daddy is an MP (and has links to powerful people if Pricilla doesn’t get the position) - has trotted along.

I haven’t crumbled under the pressure of pitching media campaigns to the MD against individuals twice my age, nor felt any less proud when my University is scrutinized for its lack of; to quote the London candidate directly; “Life!”

At least I should be grateful that I haven’t kissed goodbye to my degree with all this job commotion. Anna’s approach is more interesting. Her daily dose of Jeremy Kyle is a selfindoctrinating tool which not only makes her want to sterilize half the nation, it also means she has no need to job hunt just yet, as no matter what happens, she’ll never end up like the lowlifes disputing the paternity of their second mum’s auntie's third child to Garry the window cleaner.

Well, fellow finalists, as our time at York comes to an end, the career ladder is ahead of us; steep and far reaching, for the next 45 years of our lives - we are but slaves to the British tax system. All seems a bit daunting… Revision session down the Charles anyone?

York: shit, but it knows

I

am a cliché (what a shame – but we all knew it was coming. Three years as a beretsporting English student with aspirations of journalistic prowess will do that to you). I did not want to write my final (yes, final – please don’t cry, you’ll set me off) column about my three years in York, but as the inevitable nostalgia creeps up and wraps itself lovingly around me like a rather ripe smelling comfort blanket, I find that I just can’t help it. And for this, I am truly sorry. Allow me this moment of weakness, for I am old, my joints are creaky and all the lovely aspirations of youth will soon be knocked out of me by the horrors of the Real World.

One week’s work experience at The Press, and I’ve already been told to watch the froth. Don’t they know I am practically entirely constructed out of froth, for god’s sake? I’m a bloody cappuccino of a person. I listen to Swedish indie pop and only ever read the arts and features sections of newspapers. I use the news pages to mop up the tears I shed at stories of kittens up trees. I dissolve in the rain. That said, however, I’d like to think I’m sharper than some might think. Like finding a tack in your candyfloss, only more fun, with less screaming in agony. A nice surprise, perhaps more like…no, I cannot think of anything sharp that’s fun to find in your mouth (or anywhere else for that matter). But if I could,

rest assured, I’d be metaphoring the hell out of it right now. Anyway, I digress. Cut the froth, Jacobs!

I put it to you, and steady yourselves here, that York is actually not that rubbish. There, I said it. I said it, and the heavens did not fall and the ground did not open to swallow me up. I like York. It pleases me. I don’t mind that there are only three clubs. I don’t even miss Ikon Diva.

At all. Sacrilege to admit this,

of Toffs and Ziggys however never seem to believe that they are actually…you know…any good. And before you all decide to launch a jihad on me for daring to suggest this, remember that (a) I like York, and (b) there’s a reason why a wise man once said “thou shalt never go to Ziggys sober”. If my time of York has taught me anything, it’s not that I’ll never fully understand structuralism or semiotics, but that enraged waterfowl are more dangerous than any dog, and that, contrary to popular belief, walls

"I'd like to think the walls of Ziggys are in fact a living, breathing, perspiring organism" [Katie...all froth and no knickers] perhaps, when the trend seems to be to slag off this city and this university as much as possible, but now I’ve started I just can’t control myself. York is shit, yes, but my gosh, don’t it know it. It is this lack of pretence that appeals to me, I think.

I dislike The Gallery because it has aspirations of greatness (and sorry to disappoint you, but Fabric it ain’t). Those hallowed institutions

can sweat. I’d like to think that they’re alive: that the walls of Ziggys are in fact a living, breathing, perspiring organism. A being of superior intelligence that watches students bump and grind, trip up and throw up, and waits for death to come.

Now that I’m about to leave, I cast my mind back to all the times we’ve just sat about and complained. From vegetating in Fairfax common room as freshers, to lying face down in the sofa with the world’s worst hangover

Katie JACOBS (the kind that actually resurfaces twice a week, thus stupidly negating its status as world’s worst anything), there’s nothing where a good sit down and moan won’t suffice. The typical exchange goes something like this: “I’m so bored I could die. But even dying is too much effort. Why is York so rubbish?”

“Well, we could go to Leeds/ see how much absinthe we can drink before we go blind/go chase the goose babies and see how long before we get our eyes pecked out and go blind that way?”

“No, I can’t be arsed.”

With students famously known as the most apathetic, lazy, workshy bunch of freeloaders (I can legitimately say that now I am almost no longer one, but, oh, how I miss it already), it seems that we can even be too apathetic to create our own fun, and when that happens, blaming the lack of activities on our location is all too easy.

I have been one of these poor unfortunates, choosing to sit on my arse and moan about how much I miss London rather than going out and finding something to do, but now I have seen the light. A moment bored is a moment wasted. A moment sober and non-wasted is a moment wasted. It’s a pity it took me almost three years to realise this, but now I pledge never to be apathetic about life again. Until I get a job I hate that is. Oh, I can’t wait…

TRACK RECORDS feel a traitor buying my copy of OK Computer anywhere else, so I don’t, despite having to expose myself as a non-owner previous to June 2007.

Ruth MACLEAN T

rack Records is closing down.

Having spent the last thirty years as the quiet medium between York’s listeners and their victuals, and providing what there is of a local music scene with its inspiration, a base and publicity opportunities, it can no longer make enough money to cover costs. The only album I have ever paid more than £5.99 for in Track Records was Fleetwood Mac’s Rumours, and I consider myself a thief for exchanging only a tenner for its flawlessness. Nevertheless, the web has taken over as musical matriarch. “The thing is, if you look for long enough, you can find anything cheaper on the internet”, the young man behind the counter told me. “All the independent record shops will be closed in a few years. I remember coming in one day and there were ten people waiting on the doorstep for the new and rubbish Manics album.

But now they just download it.”

Of course they do. It’s much easier.

But it’s still sad. I am no technophobe; it’s just that I feel the same way about internet-bought music as I do about catalogue-bought clothes. It’s a question of being able to touch, and of coming home with a plastic bag. Privately, it’s also a question of decency. I would

"The fact that Puppy Love has a devoted enough following to pay the bills but Track Records does not is, to me, another nail in God's coffin" The sting is sharper when you consider that just six minutes down the road from Track Records is situated the new and nauseating Puppy Love, a shop that caters to all your pampered pooch’s needs. Needs that I, in my extreme selfishness, failed to realise dogs had, such as dog ice cream and neckerchiefs with Puppy Angel emblazoned in diamanté and puffa jackets and towelling robes and hair (sorry, fur) grips. I know all this because Nina and I have been in, and it wasn’t an ironic visit, either. We engaged in conversation with the assistant about the price of dachshunds – more than £500 – and the difficulties of fitting them into standard dog outfits, due to their elongated torsos. The fact that Puppy Love has a devoted enough following to pay the rent but that Track Records does not equals to me another nail in God’s coffin.

Perhaps it’s overdoing things a little to draw a direct parallel between

the closing of Track Records and the fact that for some of us student life is coming to an end, though the concurrence of the two is alluring.

With our graduation, being a student probably won’t change beyond recognition. But the differences that are gradually effecting in the general student body are evident.

The University will go ahead with Heslington East, because potential students clamour for expansion, for media-studies departments, for centralised venues. The York campus receives over forty deliveries of internet-bought Tesco groceries per day. We no longer take our CDs down to the local record exchange when we get skint. How students do things is changing, if not the students themselves.

This nostalgia

i

partly justified by a quick look at what became of Richard Branson’s first small record shop, initially targeting students. Virgin stores should hold out longer than their miniscule counterparts, but eventually even they must give up their place on the high street, after nearly fifty years as a staple. And this fifty years at the top has been accompanied, perhaps merely through happenstance, by the slow generation of a student stereotype. This stereotype looks set to change: if, as I perceive it, it necessarily entails buying one’s music from one’s local record shop.

And not saying “one”.

s

[Puppy Love...and if this isn't the coolest dog in York, we'd like to see who is]

THE SKETCH

tiistai kesäkuu 5, 2007

NOUSE

Now printing in broadsheet

ining, Shit it's ra ARTH E how ON p dry? will I kee

Nouse apologises if this advert is not user-friendly.

Horses MUST be flogged.

Our frilly granny knickers MUST be aired out to dry.

Our stories MUST be put in c o n t e x t .

We strongly advise that you collect your copy TODAY

engaging introspectively and at great length with these accusations of pomposity, whilst discussing The place and identity of NoUse in a post-communications-revolution world in my news section; showcasing our entire year's work; and dedicating our Comment to basking in our own reflection.

We hope you learnt a lot from our paper.

Pretentious, moi?

I, EDITOR, of campus newspaper NoUse, would like to restate my pledge not to unwittingly, unknowingly or unconciously fall into pretentious ways.

It is not uncommon for accusations of pomposity to be levelled at Nouse.

Having predicted these accusations, it seems only Right that I dedicate large parts of my newspaper to

Loser

I’M GONNA NEED A F?!#ING W I D E PA P E R

For one man, the widescreen PANORAMA edition of NoUse was like a gift from the gods.

Constipated Ricky - 25 stones and 18 pounds and counting - has had difficulty with the practicalities of going to the loo for years.

"Everything up to and including the flushing of the toilet, I can cope with," the shit-ster confessed to Vision. "Beyond that, well, I can encounter difficulties with the removal of residues of crap in hard-to-reach areas."

Enter his saviour, NoUse. "I read Vision whilst on the bog and have NoUse on hand for afters. It's great - I can hold one corner of the NoUse Comment section and the Sport pages will freshen up the rest."

Through the heartwarming case of one man and his embarrassing toilet problems, we salute NoUse's decision to go broadsheet.

In response to this allegation, I can say only that all we have ever wanted to do as a paper is to stretch our readers.

Readers want a far-reaching take on the day's issues and that is what we provided.

Neil Down: "The paper's too f#?!ing big you muppets."

Thank you for your feedback Neil Down. There was some consternation about the decision to go broadsheet but I made sure that common sense thinkers in my paper such as yourself were swiftly dealt with and Silenced.

Use NoUse. It must be broadsheet for a reason

'It's what you do with it that counts'

VISION COMMENT

I broke my arm reading NoUse

ADVERTISEMENT SPECIAL

By Margaret Thatcher EDITOR On behalf of the NoUse editorial team I apologise for any injury or loss caused as a result of the editorial decision to inflate our egos paper to an unwieldy size.

I would like to take the chance to respond to all the complaints received by our correspondents across all eight colleges on campus and throughout the world from distressed NoUse readers.

Joy Rider wrote: "I broke my arm reading NoUse. I realised that the paper was larger than expected and performed arm-stretching exercises in preparation a c c o r d i n g l y, but this wasn't enough. As soon as I opened the paper my arm snapped clean off from my shoulder."

YUSU COKE

NOUSE: SAVIOUR FOR FAT ASS MAN TOILET DILEMMA

11 RUBBISH YORK VISION

12 FEATURES

YORK VISION

FEATURES

V

Wednesday June 27, 2007

P16

I seem to have spent so much time crying in the last six months. It's great!

e lake h t t u o b a h t u r t e h t VISION INVESTIGATION

WE'RE IN THE SHIT Vision dives into the lake and jumps back out again pretty quickly, as Claudia Stern investigates what lies beneath the murky surface

V

V

Given the levels of E Coli present in the water in the most recent test results, there should be some concern. There is a probable 600 instances of the bacteria in every 100ml of the water around Central Hall - that’s about three times more than the bathing standard set by the EU. It’s certainly no swimming pool. The strains of E Coli are not necessarily the same as the fatal version that you get from a dodgy butcher, but they can still do you some harm. The most

hard to control such a large body of water; 13 acres in total. The problem is excacbated by the imbalance in the eco-system and the highly organic matter which is constantly churned up. Gordon reasons this is ‘why it greens up so much in the summer’.

sacks of barley straw to inhibit the algal bloom and make it look better; this is method that’s been used by farmers for hundreds of years.

All methods are generally natural and do tackle the problems of the eco-system, but there also seems to be a drive to make it more

Given the levels of E Coli present in the water, there should be some concern

The problem that staff are grappling with at the moment is the numbers of large fish; the carp and bream that live in the lake are hungry little buggers and they go round bottom-feeding and stirring up all the silt from the bottom. As a result, not only does the water look grimy, but it also stops light getting through so the problems of no vegetation continue. The eco-system of the lake on campus is so muddied that Gordon admitted: ‘We just don’t have time and resources to sort it out’. I could tell from talking to him that this was an extremely frustrating problem.

Since last year the Estates Services has been trying to get rid of the carp and bream. Now before the animal rights activists start erecting placards, this is not

TOUGH TALKING Too controversial for campus?

Vision exposes the BNP presence here at York

a euphemism for killing them. As it happens, Gordon informed me: ‘We never kill any of the wildlife’. There are no culls, despite persistent rumours that they pack us off home at Christmas and then kill all those poor little ducks. The majority of the animals on the

V

There are no culls, despite the persistent rumours that they kill those poor ducks

common illness will be diarrhoea, but you could even suffer liver damage with Weil’s disease, or become sick with gastroenteritis. But then that shouldn’t be surprising really, given that the bacteria come from the faeces of warm blooded animals, or as it’s more commonly known: duck shit.

Sensibly, staff at the university will not go into the lake without protecting themselves first. Weil’s disease is always part of the risk assessment. They wear at least chest-high waders, if not full body dry suits, so there is minimal contact with the water. They’re also advised to shower on site afterwards because of the risks involved.

If they develop a cold or flu very soon after, as is likely to happen if you get Weil’s disease, then they’ll be told to go to the doctors. If the illness is not treated it can make you extremely ill and even cause meningitis.

The University has known since March 2005, when they released the Environment Performance Action Plan, that the lake is in a state of hypertrophication. Or simply, too many things live in there. The results clearly reflect the presence of more faeces than is healthy, which not only leads to high levels of bacteria, but also an ecosystem which leaves the lake looking green, brown and sometimes even glowing. Gordon Eastham, the Grounds Maintenance Manager, described to me the problems with trying to manage such a huge ecosystem. He explained: ‘The main difficulty with the lake is that it’s a relatively new body of water and it didn’t have time to balance on its own.’ From the word go there’s been too many animals living in there. The truth is it’s incredibly

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orms, vomit and diarrhoea can be pretty hard to swallow. And yet the thought of jumping into the campus lake seems to have crossed all our minds at some point. Ingesting the lake’s water could easily cause some very nasty illnesses, particularly given the level of bacteria shown in results released by the University last week. Talk about drink responsibly. The results are in and the condition of the lake looks to be as grimy as you thought it might be.

Photo by Xavier Nitsch, Monster by Alex Papushoy

lake are wild and do not belong to the University, and so it would be illegal for them to kill them off anyway. Instead, the Environment Agency will take away 10% of the surplus fish and the rest will be sold off to the Angling Association and the like. The income will be used for work on the lake.

The staff at the university try to use biological methods to improve the ecosystem, instead of chemicals . So that they throw in

CAMPUS CLOUT

P14

The definitive guide to power and influence on campus. The chart of the year - like Christmas #1, in June...

of an aesthetic feature.The balance the University negotiates is making it presentable - a selling point - and also making it a healthy body of water. Gordon finds the problems of the lake exasperating. conditions.

He bemoans: ‘It should be the jewel in the crown, but it’s just not.’

The lake will never look quite right under its current conditions.

CONTINUES ON PAGE 13

POWER LIST

YORK VISION

FEATURES

Wednesday June 27, 2007

mal r o n x 0 3 n a h t more o o p k c u d f o s l leve

13

INTREPID REPORTERS LAUGH IN THE FACE OF COMMON SENSE TO BRING YOU THE FACTS ABOUT THE LAKE

Photo by Xavier Nitsch

FROM PAGE 12 The murky depths might suggest it's a deep lake but this is a myth like the Mini-Cooper. The lake is in fact 4ft deep. There will, however, be years worth of rubbish chucked in there. ‘You’d be quite fool hardy to take a dive in' , advises Gordon.

I asked him exactly what we’d have to do to get this problem sorted once and for all. The answer doesn’t look hopeful. They would have to start again completely.

The lake water would have to be drained and the amount of water be put somewhere else. The bottom of the lake would need to be dredged for 40 years of rubbish; the fish would need to be sold off and redistributed to other lakes. The wildlife would have to be discouraged, and the birds owned by the

university, such as the black swans, would need to be sold. The planting would then have to begin around the lake and it would need to be dug deeper in several places. But what’s the likelihood that all this would happen and the lake would still end up attracting too much wildlife?

Back in March, Richard Firn, once a senior biology lecturer at York, spoke to Vision about his concerns, calling the proposed new lake ‘unsustainable’. According to him, the experts the university has spent huge amounts of money on consulting used climate data from the past 30 years - but our rapidly changing environment means that these figures are both irrelevant and completely unhelpful.

He questioned where the Hes East lake water will come from, since there is no running flow or source. As such, it will be sustained by rain water, but this has danger-

ous implications. Given that rainfall is likely to decrease as summer approaches, the result could be increased evaporation and huge environmental problems.

Plans for combating the likely shortfall include a system whereby runoff water is collected from nearby areas, such as Badger Hill.

Again though, this is likely to be in abundance in winter, not summer when the need is going to be greatest.

There is no way out of the ecological problems we have now. The measures we make are a plaster on an amputation; it remains to be seen if the planning will produce a more heavenly water feature at Hes East. For the moment though we are left with a big green monster of a lake that smells, glows and is suspiciously green: very Bmovie.

it doesn't add up What would it take to save the lake?

Vision does the maths * The university would need to borrow 2,122 milk tankers from the Milk Board on Hull Road, or the sunken Prestige oil tanker from the seabed, to take away the 14 million gallons of grimy lake water.

* A recent guesstimate (the result of a highly scientific Vision count) suggests that each staff member and student would need to take home 13 animals this summer in order to remove the wildlife population.

And here's one for you to do at home...

Q: There are ten people on campus digging the lake deeper. They can dig five square metres in an hour, and work for eight hours a day, five days a week. How many months would it take them to dig the 13 acres of lake one foot deeper?

A: OK, only two...but it would be bloody boring.

enter at your peril

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ngesting water from the campus lake could seriously harm your health, which isn't surprising given the levels of E coli and faeces in there (not to mention the odd pollutant chucked in by a litter bug).

You could end up with one of these horrible illnesses: * Weils Disease comes from animal faeces and also infected semen. In case you don’t think the severe headache and flu-like symptoms are nasty enough, it can also cause liver disease and even meningitis. * Gastroenteritis could cause severe dehydration through sheer level of diarrhoea and possibly - if you’re really lucky - anal fissures. Nice.

But this hasn't stopped a few brave souls from taking the plunge.

Here, they share their adventures - and their ailments: Goodricke First Year, Robert Nuttall, earned his title of Super Bob by swimming across the lake.

'It’s not very deep at all because of all the duck shit, but it isn’t very pleasant ! Afterwards I was freezing and as I gave all my cloth-

ing to a mate, including my keys, I had to walk around for a while in my boxer shorts; soaking wet and covered in duck shit. It was bloody cold so I stood in the shower for a long time to warm up and get myself clean. I had to set off in search of my keys still in my boxers. From then on I have a big memory gap but as I woke up in my own bed I can safely say my search and trip into the lake was successful.”

It’s been done time and time again but every year some jokers decide to take to the lake in one kind of vessel or another. In the black of night two Langwith students enjoy sailing the night away: “The lake is where people go to discover themselves. A man really gets to know his limitations when faced with that lake. Some truly terrible things have happened out there. Once, I got “accidently” left behind on one of the little islands near Derwent. I was stuck there for literally minutes, with only a can of Carling to keep me sane. But there have been happy moments too. Seeing the smiles on kids’ faces when we save their balls from the lake. It makes my life just that little bit more satisfying.”

inside view

YORK VISION

VISION EXPOSE

THE BNP ON CAMPUS BNP STUDENT SOCIALS TAKE PLACE IN YORK YOUNG BNP TO LAUNCH NEXT YEAR

#7 Vision

inside report inclusive/cliquey active/sedate

The Young BNP are plotting in universities. Iain Withers talks to a student member of the BNP at York

Y

ou go into an interview with a BNP member wanting an argument.

Lock horns with the BNP and you can rest assured that every reasonable person in the country is weighing in with you.

This is a party that wants immediately to halt all immigration and deport all non-ethnically-British people out of the country. In all but admission, they are a racist party.

Matt is a first year Politics and History student from London. He has been a member of the BNP for six years.

He tells me that there are more members in York University than people realise and that BNP student socials have taken place in York.

I joined at school, you only had to go outside to see the violence committed by ethnic groups “I’m not going to go into numbers. But there’s more than you’d expect,” he says. “No meetings have taken place as such, more socials really, discussing things in pubs.”

Until now Matt has kept a low profile about his BNP membership but has decided to make his membership publicly known for the first time, claiming that student BNP activity is on the rise.

“The young BNP has been inactive for the last couple of years.

We’re under the new leadership of Danny Lake in Bristol now.

The young BNP hasn’t officially launched yet but we are slowly building up small groups on campuses and colleges around the

country.” He also notes that “more young people” have attended local branch meetings in York in the last few months.

The revelations remind York students that they cannot let their guard down in the battle against racism and isolationism.

The issue of racism on campus has been given fierce scrutiny over the past few months. Investigations into dropout rates and the numbers of students cheating in exams – figures that are disproportionately higher for foreign students – have raised questions about York’s shortcomings in dealing with diversity and integration on campus. These are real issues that need to be confronted openly and intelligently if the BNP are to be stopped.

The leader of the young BNP, Danny Lake, comes across as very snide. He has a laugh like a jackal – nervous and staccato. He takes a great interest in the length of terms at York, having already gone home for the summer. We have quite a peculiar conversation about term dates and I wonder whether he’s trying to recruit me, or whether being the public face of the young BNP is actually rather lonely.

I suggest to Matt from York that getting the time of day from most people as someone of his political creed must be quite difficult. Not so, apparently.

“Generally I don’t get any hostility against me,” he says, which seems a sad inditement of his circle of friends. Does his girlfriend mind, who interrupts him at one point? “She agrees with me on some parts but not others. Her background is more politically neutral,” he says.

Matt’s breezy responses to criticism betray the true strength of the BNP. In truth, they revel in being isolated. They feed off the sense that they are being victimised. Matt rails against the liberal establishment. My hope is that our university, at root, is a veritable example of that tolerant liberal establishment. If students cannot see through the whining protests of the poor, besieged BNP – the selfproclaimed last bastions of a white Britain – then there ain’t many other places left to truly discuss the most difficult issues we face.

Most of the lines Matt trots out

are straight from the Nick Griffin handbook. “Political correctness being shoved down my throat”, “white people feel like second class citizens”, “pushing the floodgates open”. The BNP are at their most ineffectual when they spew out clichés.

The revelations remind students that they cannot let their guard down against racism

V

For the final Inside View, a treat beyond all others, a rare glimpse into life on the edge, probably the most exciting society on campus… Vision.

My first foray into the Vision office, intrepidly venturing into probably the most unhygienic room on campus (yes, even worse than Cell Block C kitchens), was an interesting experience. Confronted with a group of sleep deprived, caffeine high, unwashed student hacks, all pouring over a complex (to me) computer program, ‘InDesign’, that seems to revolve around boxes, (‘it’s alllll about the boxes’ they enthused’), I was distinctly unsure about my capability in the journalism line. Confused about how I had ended up spending probably one of the only sunny days in Yorkshire this decade sitting in an office discussing how best to present a Trevor Phillips interview, I embraced the situation. I was quickly taken in by mocked up front pages – cue questions like ‘Does Goodricke really have asbestos?’. Much of the time in the office is spent gossiping, ‘researching’ on Facebook, and procrastinating over headlines in order to avoid the dreaded work. All this with a backdrop of editors arriving, leaving, coming back, stressing out, phoning writers, panicking, chasing stories, ordering around the photographers (Iain ‘Immediately’ Withers)... A porter even dropped in to give Adam his take on the survey into porters.

Seizing the chance to leave the office after two and half hours pouring over a page that I knew would have to be re-jigged anyway, I then found myself making the trek to Hes East.

The Editor had seen fit to supplement a story on the campus’s lack of a student venue by providing a shot of a tent with the backdrop of the as-yet unbuilt campus. So basically, a tent in a field. After various trials we arrived at said field, and solved the eternal problem – how many Vision members does it take to put up a tent? (Four apparently, operating under the fear that a farmer would appear from nowhere).

The wonders of Vision are beyond debate: a chance to sit in an ‘office’ on campus, feeling important and providing a medium of gossip legitimately, promising to be ‘provocative, provocative and provocative’ again. All this AND the socials… for some the saving grace, for some, part of the ‘work hard (ish), play hard(er)’ ethos of Vision. If all this hasn’t sent you running wildly to Nouse, get involved – what better time than the new year…

HW

Wednesday June 27, 2007

V

14 FEATURES

When asked to explain the BNP’s policy on immigration, Matt reveals the true extent of his discrimination – to the extent that he is even discriminatory about discrimination.

“If the BNP does come into power then our policy will be to stop immigration from places where people are not really welcome like Africa. We will limit who can come and who can’t. Immigration from a European perspective is fine. For non-Europeans we will offer financial incentives for people to repatriate.”

Matt flatly denies that he is racist. He is simply concerned for wanting “more whites to come to the country generally than Africans”.

His views are repulsive, but whilst multiculturalism does suffer problems – on campus and elsewhere – the BNP can exploit fear of diversity and make political gains.

In the following, for instance, both Matt and the Head of the Commission for Racial Equality, Trevor Phillips, are actually in agreement.

“Multiculturalism is failing in this country. Ethnic communities are self-segregating themselves.

If you’re sitting in communities next to each other with different religions and backgrounds then

generally that’s going to create tensions.”

When Trevor Phillips decried the failure of multiculturalism, he no doubt meant it in a slightly different way to the sense in which Matt sees it. Phillips was criticising the way of conducting politics that constantly highlights difference – an approach to diversity that results in the pigeonholing of ethnic minorities in politics.

Nonetheless, both are in agreement that dealing with difference is problematic. Phillips believes it has the potential to be the most destructive issue we face. Their responses to the problem of course are very different. One is to recognise the benefits of diversity and difference, and embrace change and diversity as part of our national identity. The other is for Britain to withdraw into itself.

The latter is Matt’s dogma. His distorted view of the world is fascinating. White people, he believes, are ‘second class citizens’ in their own country. He totally ignores the economic benefits of immigration – “they send their wages abroad,” he says. He rejects that the NHS is reliant on immigrant nurses.

He sees Britain as a world of polarised ethnic differences.

When he was at school he joined the BNP in response to what he saw as the lies he was told in his studies on Martin Luther King in lessons.

“You only had to go outside to see there was a lot of violence committed by ethnics and ethnic gangs targeting whites. Generally that made me quite angry.” But why distort your vision so that whites are forever the victims of ethnic minorities in society? Is he blind to the white gangs and the white workers cheating benefits?

The challenges of diversity and difference need to be tackled head on nationwide, and on campus.

Segregation is as much a problem on campus as it is in Britain generally – should the Students Union have a bigger role in breaking down barriers? Must Halifax, too, be the destination for the vast majority of international students?

People everywhere must respond to the challenges of diversity positively rather than negatively.

The right response to diversity is to reject the BNP.

YORK VISION

FEATURES

Wednesday June 27, 2007

15

An insomniac with chronic fatigue syndrome?

Sarah Kendall wakes people up to the reality of her illness

TIRED OF IT ALL chronic fatigue. So many people misunderstand it. Yes, it obviously involves being chronically tired, but there’s way more to it that that. Every person’s experience of CFS differs. It’s unique.

There is a very long basic blanket list of symptoms, including not just persistent tiredness, but also muscle pain (which ranges from the cope-able to the unbear-

Finals were a nightmare. I fell asleep when trying to revise, and in all my exams

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hen I discovered I had chronic fatigue syndrome I was pretty relieved. I am perhaps the worst hypochondriac ever, which is probably due to growing up with a dispenser as a mother. I could tell you the correct dosage for most pharmacy drugs, and consistently freak out at people taking ibuprofen on an empty stomach. So, when some of the things they had to rule out included cancer and aids, I felt like I’d won the lottery when diagnosed with chronic fatigue.

Whilst an undergrad, before I was diagnosed, my tutors thought I was lazy, and I myself had no explanation for why I was always yawning and could never finish any of the books I was supposed to read. OK, it was sometimes laziness but, most of the time, just sheer inability to do so. I didn’t bother with lectures full stop because I quickly learnt no matter what I did I would be asleep within five minutes. Finals were a nightmare – every time I tried to revise I dropped off, plus I feel sleep in all my exams and was really lucky that I managed to scrape a 2:1. I never felt that my grades reflected how I could actually think, but I couldn’t explain why I just couldn’t perform. I felt more like 80 than 21. When even Eastenders proves too stimulating for you, you know it’s serious.

So, to cut a long story short, I had lots and lots of tests, got extremely worried, and at times briefly excited (I wanted it to be a thyroid problem so very much - all that weight loss!), before I was diagnosed with the incurable but not particularly life threatening,

able), a difficulty concentrating for long periods of time, inability to control your body temperature (which is not only annoying, but embarrassing when you sweat whilst others are wearing their thermal undies) and, most bizarrely, insomnia. The one I find the most annoying and most difficult to explain though, is that when I am very tired I fall to pieces verbally. Words get jumbled up and I sound like even more of an idiot than usual. Not to mention reading when you are like that – words just swim together. It took me almost a year to find out

whether Rochester and Jane Eyre got it on.

My doctors have told me there is no chance of living a totally normal life, but you find ways of coping; just knowing what is wrong with you helps so much because you can find ways around it. I have found regular acupuncture helps a lot with my muscle pains, as do a whole cocktail of drugs and regular yoga. The humiliation of having my mother dress me aged 22 will probably stick with me for a while, and the knowledge of how utterly bad it was for all those months I was stuck in bed has motivated me to take better care of myself. If I want a night out I know I will pay for it for about a week, but I can plan around it, and hey, it’s always cheap because I can’t handle alcohol well at all. If I have bad days where I can’t move (which are thankfully only about once a month now) I take comfort in the knowledge that they will pass.

Having a disability at university is all about planning and getting support. I know my illness and I know my limits, so I can plan ahead. I receive a Disabled Students Allowance from the government – which is available to graduate students as well as undergraduates. It means I have had a full needs assessment done by specialists who then pass it on to your department. I didn’t have this as an undergraduate and I really think it makes a hell of a difference. For example, I take longer to read key texts because I have to do it in such short bursts, so having help buying the books for yourself is great. I have other

equipment too: my favourite is my chair, which is specially designed to support my back – my muscle pains are extremely painful in my lower back and I find sitting for long periods of time very difficult.

The amount of people who have disabilities is so much greater than the number who declare them. I have worked on the disability committees with the university; and there is work going on to ensure that disabled students get all the help and support they need.

The university has been conducting working groups which listen to the advice of students. The new disability equality scheme, which can be accessed from the university website, details all of the support the university offers.

For example, lecturers are aware of disabilities and tailor their lectures to suit all. Disability equality isn’t about unfair positive discrimination, but it is about making sure that people with disabilities get an equal platform in the university, so things like lecture notes being available electronically so students can enlarge the text on them, and extra time being given to people like me who can’t always work to strict deadlines form part of the remit. Nationally, about 8% of undergraduates and 5% of graduates have a disability.

At York, they are somewhat equal, and on about 8%. Which is a hell of a lot if you think about it.

The university is such a positive place for diversity that I really do think it is worth declaring your disability – it makes a world of difference.

CHRONIC FATIGUE SYNDROME FACTFILE * NAMES: Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, ME (Myalgic Encephalopathy), Post Viral Syndrome * SYMPTOMS: Muscle pain, exercise intolerance, post-exertional malaise, fasciculations (muscle twitching), short term memory loss, concentrational difficulties, clumsiness, fainting, trouble controlling body temperature, joint pains, enlarged glands, persistent throat problems, headaches, flu -like symptoms, weak immune system, sleep disturbances, sensitivity to light, alcohol intolerance, mood swings, depression. * TREATMENT: There is no exact treatment for the illness. Patients usually develop plans to help control the symptoms; these usually entail making changes to lifestyle.

Painkillers and muscle relaxants are prescribed.

16 FEATURES Save us Now! Deforestation in Osbaldwick!

Dying Pandas in Acomb! Stifling Heat in the Vision Office!

In light of the environment falling apart Vision begin their weekly investigations into how you can save your planet. We’ll be probing our way into every crevice of every melting ice cap and exploring just why we’re doomed. From Heslington Road to the far reaches of Heworth, nobody is safe.

This Week

YORK VISION

HOLLYOAKS'

Wednesday June 27, 2007

HORNY BLOKES INTERVIEW :

As things hot up in the Channel 4 soap, Claudia Stern delves into her past to uncover actor James Sutton's steamy future storylines...

Houseplants: Chuck ‘em Outdoors.

ing their sexuality: ‘The reaction's been amazing; John Paul’s become one of the most loved characters which is mad really given how long some of the others have been around.’

Part of this good reaction has been from the gay community on internet forums and in the fan mail that James has received. ‘I think the main thing is that it’s not a cliché gay character; I don’t think that Anthony Cotton’s done anyone any favours being so camp

After official government research had suggested that houseplants were beneficial to our environment and our health by filtering out toxins, replacing oxygen and generally looking a ‘bit nice’ (Friends of the Earth 2005) Vision has discovered its lies, deceit and shameless propaganda.

In another massive exclusive we’ve uncovered evidence that suggests that hundreds of houseplants a year are kept in squalid conditions and dark student bedrooms. These plants often have little or no quality of life, starved of light, air and even water for days on end.

Now YOU can help. By joining Vision’s ‘Free the Plant: Its Not Just Chlorophyll’ campaign we can realise our dream of releasing 1,000 houseplants into the wild by 2008. Together who knows how much Oxygen we can create?

Newly formed Campus pressure group, ‘Let's Go Outside', have been quick to join the campaign. ‘While OUR environment suffers from increased levels of Carbon Dioxide in the atmosphere it’s just selfish to keep these plants indoors! We want to take the ‘house’ out of house-plant and give it to the planet. This action can make a huge difference. Not only to the lives of individual plants but also to the world. Together we can make a better world!'

The group’s outburst comes in the wake of a disturbance at vice-chancellor Brian Cantor’s house last weekend. Police reports indicate that while nothing of value was snatched from the residence a Begonia and Purple Passion Plant were relocated to a plot of grass just off Heslington Road. Mysterious…

So there you have it, Oxygen replacement, plant snatching and purple passion. Our Planet is saved…for now…

SR

Next Week Bigger Newspaper = Better Planet???

Anthony Cotton hasn't done anyone any favours being so camp in Coronation Street

Courtesy of LimePictures

T

he important thing you should know about James Sutton, apart from the fact that he plays John Paul in Hollyoaks without camping up his gay character, is that he and I did amateur drama together for ten years. While I scrape by in student debt, he’s partying until 8am at the Soap Awards. I know because he told me in an interview this week, but instead of asking him where it all went wrong for me, I decided to find out about his role as John Paul McQueen and how he’s handling his popularity.

When John Paul first came onto our screens it seemed he was going to be the nerdy character that Hollyoaks’ producers add occasionally to balance out all the ridiculously fit people that live in this village somewhere outside of Chester. He is good-looking too, as they always are, but he did have a side-parting. It’s not surprising that it took me a while to recognise James, and viewers a while to think of him as another Hollyoaks’ hotty!

James says he was pretty happy

being ‘a bit of a geek’, but his role has changed as we watched him come out as gay, with his relationship developing into a major plot in recent weeks. ‘I was told I was going to be gay from the beginning,' he explained, 'but they don’t write the story that far in advance. This affair with Spike all kind of happened recently’. It turns out that Tom Vaughan, who plays Spike, also went to our drama group; it’s a very small world. As James put it: ‘It’s kind of funny I’ve ended up snogging him for the last six months after all this time!’

Coming out in a soap is not as unusual as it may have been ten years ago; it was in 1994 that the Hollyoaks producer Phil Redmond caused controversy with the first pre-watershed lesbian kiss in Brookside. Hopefully, Hollyoaks would not be called controversial now for having gay characters come out or for all those kisses - and there has been a lot of snogging. I had to ask what it has been like having such a big storyline and one that may help those question-

in Coronation Street.’ John Paul and Craig are just the boys-nextdoor, as it were. ‘John Paul is just an ordinary guy; he plays football and doesn’t walk round like Frank Spencer or something’. James has good reason to be happy. Not only has he had good responses from fans, but he was ‘pleased to be nominated’ at the Soap Awards.

Both the characters have had girlfriends and Craig in particular seems to be in love with Sarah so I asked James why the term bisexuality has not come up in relation to these characters. 'As I see it sexuality is not black and white, I mean it’s not about having labels. The thing with Craig is that he just loves John Paul. Craig is pretty much a straight guy, but that doesn’t mean he can’t love JP.’ As such, the storyline has probably been much truer to life experience of relationships. ‘The word bisexual has not even come up from the writers, I don't think, they’re less interested in labelling people.’

Without labelling him then, it might be a surprise to some that James is not gay himself, and so I asked him if the role created any problems with his love life.

He categorically stated: ‘Absolutely not.’ I took from this that he hasn’t changed much. We reminisced briefly about all ‘his girls’. I told him how I had recently got back in contact with a girl from our drama group whose first message to me was: ‘Remember James- lol’.

He has been plagued with a few friend requests online but is fully aware old friends are back in contact ‘obviously, because I’m on TV’.

I gulp at my coffee a little guiltily, but then remember Vision is a perfectly respectable reason to contact

an old drama friend.

Apart from his many girlfriends, the other thing that I remember James for is his superb role in 'Little Shop of Horrors,' amongst others. I asked him whether he would pursue musical theatre any further, but he admits that ‘at professional level you have to be really good, and I was never really that good at singing’ He certainly won’t be going down the pop star route like other soap actors. In fact he said: ‘I don’t see myself as a soap actor; I hope I’m just an actor’. In the future, he wants to pursue work in the theatre: ‘Theatre is still my first love, as you probably know’.

He is, of course, in a popular soap, at the moment, and so I asked him if he fancied any of the clichés that happen in soaps to happen to John Paul, like becoming disabled for two weeks or briefly blind. He laughed; ‘Well I don’t want to become blind because that happened in Byker Grove, maybe I could lose my arms or something’.

Not for the first time, the press officer in the background told him to ‘behave’ and he seemed to realise that I had written that down, so he amended himself ‘Seriously though, I love the drama; I seemed to have spent so much time crying in the last six months, it’s great!’

I wondered whether he thought it was going to get a little dull for him now, as reliable internet rumour has it that JP and Craig are going to settle down. Sadly, he had to break my heart. ‘We don’t settle down, John Paul does split up with Spike to get together with Craig,

I don't want to be blind - that was in Byker. Maybe I could lose my arms but it was never going to be easy, was it? It all ends in tears when they tell everyone’. I am saddened by this news. but then I suppose James will be happy; there’s more crying to come.

My final question is simple: ‘What the fuck do you do on Sunday mornings when the rest of us are recovering from hangovers in front of Hollyoaks?’ He laughs. ‘I don’t watch Hollyoaks’, he says, ‘but I’m obsessed with Heroes.’ That is until the press officer nudges him and forces him to say: ‘I always watch Hollyoaks.’ That’s what you’re supposed to say, remember James –lol.

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

17

LIFESTYLE

V

Wednesday June 27, 2007

>FOOD

>DRINK

>STYLE

MOVING OUT, MOVING ON

>TRAVEL

Leaving the campus bubble next year? Doran O'Reilly and Sarah Stretton take a look at the pros and cons of living off-site.

Rachael McCool Age 20 2nd year Pyschology Lives in Heslington

F

or most first years, this week is their last ever living on campus. Having spent your first year living in a building with up to 100 people, moving into a house of 3+ can be a reality shock. Urban myths often cite the intimacy of living in such close quarters as the source of strained friendships. But are these perceptions misconstrued? In order to get a full idea of the reality of living in such close quarters, we asked Rachael McCool about independent life in a house of six.

Best Bit about living off campus: "Having a kitchen, oh and a table was the highlight for us. In Langwith last year we had an exam desk that sits two people in the kitchen when there were 15/16 in the corridor. Oh and a lounge to procrastinate in with a TV and everything. You get to choose who you live with and it really does make you feel alot more independent.

Worst bit about living off campus: “BILLS!!!! AGHHHH! The never ending demand for money for water, electricity, gas, phone and all those other things your parents started ranting on about.

Have you lost contact with other friends? “We don’t see half as much of the others as we would on campus, and it’s a bit of a shame. You don’t bump into the when wandering to the kitchen to procrastinate. Everyone moves out with promises to pop around for a coffee every week…but I guess everyone drifts a bit.”

Is it difficult managing to live in such close quarters with people?

“No more so than being on campus. There’s not as many people which is a good and bad thing…it was always nice to see so many people on campus rather than the same few people everyday.”

Is security a problem off campus? “It doesn’t feel as safe because there’s not that many people around, there’s not always someone in the house and no porters either.

Did you have any difficulty liasing with landlords? "Our landlord was rubbish!! Things that we had been complaining about since the first week of moving in, such as windows that were an open invitation for anyone who wanted 6 free laptops, have only been fixed in the last few weeks.

Going through an agency, you dont really liase with the landlord directly, you have to go through the agency so quite often the message never makes it to the other side.

Is life more difficult without campus conveniences? “Yes and no, its nice to have our own washing machine! But even things like access to the library is more difficult, almost like you have to plan your day around

Vision's Top Tips for a Seamless House Move...

Before moving into your house, make sure each person has been fairly allocated a room. It’s not going to help for a happy house life, if the last person to arrive is unfairly duped with the box room.

Make sure you all organise compatible times when moving into the house. As great as it is to all move in on the same day, it won’t be a smooth move.

Unpack as soon as you can, having boxes floating around the place is not contusive to easy living. And will make your new home feel like one!

Langwith Off Campus Rep Adeline, suggests “Always have enough money to order take-away on the first night as kitchen stuff often gets left till last. And remember the things you're going to need (i.e. duvet, toothbrush) and pack them in a sensible place.”

...and for When You've Moved in...

P18 Volu nteering:

Selfless o r Selfish?

P19

s n o i s s e f n o C of a playboy

P20

g n i o k the o L on h t Ho Beac

It is advisable to have a house kitty for basic cleaning essentials. Not only will this make life easier, it will save on arguments over whose turn it is to get the Mr. Muscle or even basic goods such as loo roll!

As wretched as it sounds, off campus there are no longer cleaners to hoover the crisps off your carpet. A cleaning rota, is the best way to ensure a (relatively) hygienic house. This way, you can account for housemate’s deadlines and commitments.

Open a joint bank account for bills and rent money. If each person sets up a standing order into it each month it will reduce a lot of hassle when it comes to coughing up the money. Even if you each pay £1 too much, it can help for cater for the unexpected.

Keep a file for financial documents, this saves unnecessary hassle and means that everyone can be called to account for any financial misdemeanours.

If a housemate is being a bit of a domestic bum, first try having a sensible word with them rather than throwing your yoghurt pot at them. Do not fall into the habit of being the only one who lifts a finger around the house, have a serious house talk at the beginning of the move.

P24

AND...

Feasting on Campus

18 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

HOLIDAYS THAT HELP

Wednesday June 27, 2007

Sarah Stretton and Doran O'Reilly give the lowdown on how to make a difference this summer so even those with the busiest timetables can lend a hand given the inclination.

Although volunteering can be a rewarding experience in itself, it is also a brilliant addition to your CV. In an enquiry into the student popular opinion on volunteering, many students from across the country, found that what began as a CV padder turned into a rewarding experience. Sarah Jones answered “Instead of payment in money you’re getting the gratification of putting it down on your CV”.

With an increase in the number of students deciding to continue into

In the words of the t-shirt slogan: spend love this summer, not money

V

O

York students on the Tenteleni Project in Kenya

V

k, the end of term is looming, deadlines are pressing, exams are slowly coming to an end, and that long hot summer is tantalizingly close. So what exactly are you going to be doing with your 3 months of summer?

Volunteering your time for an un-financially rewarding prospect may not be high up on your agenda of things to do this summer, yet, volunteering can be a means of opening up a thousand doors. Be it protecting endangered puffins, supporting the homeless, or working with disadvantaged children, the possibilities are extremely diverse. Nationwide, students donate their time to volunteer work, both in term time and during the holidays on summer placements. But if you haven’t already made that mad scramble to find your philanthropic niche, chances are you’ll at least consider it at some point in your degree.

This said, with overdrafts to pay off and homecoming parties to attend, many students find themselves in a financial limbo over the course of the long break, and, are forced to adopt the familiar student mantra of “d’you want fries with that?” Yet even for those who are dependent upon a summer income to see them into next year, opportunities to volunteer are out there. Opportunities extend from beach cleaning and heritage work to summer festivals. Check out local authority web pages to snag a trip to the beach, or charities such as Oxfam who offer free entry into music festivals in exchange for donating a few hours of the day to promoting their cause.

It’s important to realize that volunteer work is your choice and your time, and whatever time and effort you can spare will be valued. Local organizations are likely to be flexible and accommodating-

higher education, volunteer work can be an excellent way of making your applications stand out for prospective employers.

Of course, sourcing out opportunities and organising placements can be time consuming. Although it would be difficult to secure a placement abroad this summer, it is certainly not too late to go local, take a look at www.doit.org for some inspiration. Even for those who are intent on realising their ambitions of saving llamas in Lima, a number of gap year companies, such as www.i-to-i.com, offer breaks from 1 week to 12 weeks.

Theses companies do operate at a

cost, but by raising the money for a trip it can give you a taster of the opportunities open to you in the future.

For those planning to pursue volunteer work abroad in the future, Ben Griffiths, the YUSU Student Development and Charities Officer, has given advice on what to do. Ben says the key things to look out for on a placement abroad are the hidden costs. Often volunteers find that the price they were quoted won’t include accommodation costs, or that they’ll have to pay for flights/ transport separately.

For placements in general, "volunteers need to be sure they are not being used to replace paid staff…” Other important aspects to choosing a placement come down to common sense, making sure you can really help and that your skills are suited, as well as making sure

the situation of the work fits in with your personality. For students new to volunteering, it’s important they make the right choices to maximize both their efforts, and that rewards both clients and volunteer As this summer commences, it’s not too early to start thinking about how you are going to spend your next summer. The Action Aid group is also assembling a database so that all the options are consolidated in one place, which should make the prospect of finding an ideal role far less daunting. “We are hoping

by Christmas to have a comprehensive database of gap year/ summer voluntary placements”, Ben told us, “so that students can come to us for advice on which charities are good to work with, and importantly those who are not.”

The time spent at university is the best time to sample new

experiences. If financial demands take precedence for you over the summer, have a think about the many opportunities there are at York in term time. Take a look at the careers volunteering web pages, and student run groups such as Student Action. They offer a huge variety of opportunities to fit any schedule.

Whatever you chose to do this summer in the world of voluntary work, whether that be digging wells in Africa or attending coffee mornings at care homes, spend your time wisely, before you know it you’ll be in the warm embrace of university life again. As Ben Griffiths says “the more challenging the project, the more the clients get out of it, and the more volunteers learn from it”. So, in the words of a slogan t-shirt, spend love this summer, not money.

We asked students from around the country how they got involved with student volunteering, and the million dollar question:

VOLUNTEERING: SELFISH or SELFLESS? Sarah Jones

Hannah

Jim

Liam

Aged 19

Aged 20

Aged 20

University of York

University of York

University of Exeter

English

Renewable Energy BSc

Countryside and Recreation Management

What volunteering have you done?

A week of dry-stone walling and a week of beach-cleaning with the BTCV.

What volunteering have you done?

4 months working for the National Trust in Northern Ireland and 2 weeks with Cheshire county council.

Maths

What Volunteering have you done?

I worked in an animal sanctuary but for the past couple of years have WOOFed. What was your motivation?

I loved working with animals but it was on my mind that it would be a great thing to put in my CV. WOOFing was different, I did it to develop my character and to meet lots of people. But also to work outside, work with animals and experience a new place Would you do it again?

Yes I’ve done it twice now, and planning on doing it again this year, Did you find it rewarding?

It's definitely rewarding, you learn so many new things, and gain great frienships Is Volunteering selfish or selfless?

Volunteering is probably both, But even if it is selfish, it doesn’t matter. If

What Volunteering have you done?

A week in a camp with mentally disabled children and adults. Teaching English to 16-17 year-olds in China for three months.

What was your motivation?

Combining doing something useful with gaining life experience myself Would you do it again?

Like a shot Did you find it rewarding?

Very - apart from the feel-good factor, I met good people both times, and learned a lot from experience of people very different to me.

Is Volunteering selfish or selfless?

In my case the two coincided: and I would argue that a mutually beneficial situation is ideal for voluntary work, because it encourages people to do it!

What was your motivation?

For the dry-stone walling, I wanted to learn new skills and contribute to the upkeep of our heritage, as well as just enjoying physical work.

Would you do it again?

I would definitely volunteer again, but I won’t be paying to do it.

Did you find it rewarding?

Yes! I learned new skills, met different people and spent time in two completely different places Is Volunteering selfish or selfless?

I think there are hardly any situations where you can be truly selfless. It’s all about self- gratification, in a social sense.

Aged 19 University of Chester

What was your motivation To get the experience i require for getting a paid job in this field of work!

Would you do it again?

Yes, its great doing something so worth while, and if I do get a job in this line of work it’s not a career you do for the money anyway!

Did you find it rewarding?

Yes I do, to know how to carry on these environmental practices for future generations to preserve our countryside heritage and to protect our wildlife.

Is Volunteering selfish or selfless?

I’m undecided! . I see myself doing the volunteering as a stepping stone to getting

19

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Wednesday June 27, 2007

CONFESSIONS OF A CAMPUS

PLAYBOY C

feet away from her and entered the dancefloor with my invisible fishing rod in hand. I dipped my rod overboard and she danced around me toying with my bait, needless to say she took a bite and I reeled her in ‘Catch of the Day’.

V

I writhed on top of her as we made sweet love to Air 'Sexy Boy'

V

ertain entities thrive under certain conditions; the playboy in his natural environment enjoys late nights, beautiful ladies, and a vintage bottle of crystal. Away from a harbour in Monaco, the playboy can find his ideal stomping ground in a university setting.

Having travelled around the world and been convicted several times of serial lovemaking, I have succumbed to public pressure to share with the world some of my highs and lows whilst on the playboy circuit. I suggest you sit back, put the crystal on ice and share with me the confessions of an international playboy.

June: 2006, I embarked on a trip to York’s classiest establishment: The Gallery; the setting of my tale.

On entering the nightclub I noticed a vast array of delicious pu-tang but one particular vixen stood out for me. I saw her dancing under a single spotlight and everything else around her paled into insignificance. She was sporting a tiny little dress which left nothing to the imagination, on seeing her my exact thoughts were ‘I’d love to give her sandwich a filling’.

She looked exotic and moved in mysterious ways. I hovered a few

Vision's ladies man reveals all

I concluded. A bit of bumping and grinding ensued, culminating in a kiss. After this, the anthem ‘Rhythm is a Dancer’ came booming out and I set about serenading this tasty piece of chicken with a set of dance moves so raw and innovative one man in the corner burst in to tears. It was after this that things really started to get interesting, she told me she was ‘feeling faint’, initially I took it as a compliment

and cited my dance moves as the cause of her dizziness. Her legs suddenly started to give way, and fortunately I was able to shepherd her off the dance floor to a stool.

Her head was slumped and she said she felt like she’d been spiked.

At this point I told her she should probably go home, so being the gentleman that I am, I scooped her up in my big man arms and carried her to the taxi rank.

The next day I dropped her a cheeky little text to make sure she hadn’t choked on her own vomit in the night and died. Fortunately she was still alive and wanted to meet up that evening, I replied and agreed to haul ass down to hers and see her again. I rocked up to hers approximately 8 o clock with a bottle of wine in hand. We quickly necked this and started having a kiss and a cuddle. Within the hour we had made our way upto her room, and were already semi naked.

We stayed like this for quite some time until I plucked up the courage to take the sexual encounter a step further. I mounted her quickly and assertively, and began to undo the buttons on her jeans. This took a sweet amount of time as they were quite tight, and required some serious yanking. Anyway I

ADVERT

overcame this obstacle and was staring directly at her panties.

They were a cheeky lacy cream number with a red bow, reminded me a bit of a bakewell tart I thought at the time. I started to slip these off as to expose her sweet sticky cupcake. The pantys were off, I gave her tuppence a kiss wished it good luck, then I leant over to my wallet and put on a pleasuremax connie. I writhed on top of her as we made sweet love to Air ‘Sexy Boy’, everything was going fine until DISASTER I realised my ordinarily reliable stiff pecker was losing its rigidity. I withdrew the dagger and explained I only had a semi, and when making love to this playboy a semi will not suffice.

Then suddenly, quite spontaneously she revealed that I could do her up the wrong’en if that will reawaken the python. Reawaken it most certainly did, having never done a

girl in the mud I was quite turned on by this. Initially I tried to jam it in without correctly loobing the area. Obviously she yelped and demanded I get some lube from her cupboard. I quickly jumped off the bed and in the dark scrawled through her beauty products to find something to use. I located what I assumed was some spray on Nivea moisturising cream (which I presumed would do the trick), I then jumped on the bed and set about preparing the surface. The little fox let out a massive cry and turned on her light, I looked at the bottle I was holding. It was only bloody factor 5 banana boat sun tan oil.

I gazed at her greasy bum then at her face and she asked me to leave.

I swiftly left tail between my legs and never returned. I sometimes see her on campus we say hello but never discuss the night I oiled her arse.

Society Stunner Ya I a y! Vi m F sio it! n sa ys

Some 3 months have passed since 3d hair and beauty provided their hair services on the friday night at york uni’s fashion show. in the ad above is one of the students, whose hair design was created that evening.

Name: Will Harrison Society: URY College: Derwent

As a thank you, we would like to give one lucky winer 50% off any colour treatment, if they are the first person to ring up and name the girl in the ad. the second person will get 40% off and the next 20 callers will get 30% off. good luck!

Could your Society Stunner sizzle in Vision?

Or is your entire society just chock-full of hotties?

Share your fitness with the world!

3d hair and beauty: 15-19 the shambles 01904 623166

ac.uk

Send any photos to lifestyle@vision.york.

20LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

>STY E

Wednesday June 27, 2007

if you like...

H&M loves Kylie onepiece swimsuit £19.99

HOT ON THE BEACH

The one-piece...

Lucy Thornber explores the trends in swimwear and accessories go. Bright prints, though difficult to accessorise, look brilliant against a great tan, but for that extra wow factor, feel free to don those ever popular metallic brights, with metal-hued swimwear and accessories featuring in both designer and high street summer collections.

Although the bikini rarely appeared on 2007’s catwalks, this style-staple is as popular as ever on the high street. The huge diversity in style and cut now caters for all shapes and sizes; from halternecks for the more generously proportioned bosom, to pretty, strapless pieces which detract attention away from a smaller bust. There is also a wide variety of designs and prints available on the high street, from feminine floral to striking tropical, and the metallic trend in particular is in

Metallic bangles House of Fraser £6

evidence in Kylie Minogue’s range of beachwear for H&M. The appeal of the Noughties bikini must lie in it’s versatility then; it can be accessorised with a light cropped jacket and wedges for beachside glamour, or slipped under a loose cotton dress or white shirt for lounging by the pool.

Accessories in natural materials are also a key look this summer. Shell or stone necklaces and flat sandals with mother of pearl trims featured in the collections of designers such as Jimmy Choo, but have been well imitated by high street chains such as Accessorize, and charm jewellery with animal print swimwear is also set to be popular on the beach. When it comes to bags and sunglasses, the rule continues to

be ‘the bigger the better’; oversize sunglasses were a hit at Chloé, and tortoiseshell frames are also making a comeback.

Conversely, men’s swimwear this year is characterised by the glaring lack of choice available. Men wanting to look fashionable at the beach have little choice other than surfing style boardshorts - available at sports retailers such as Rip Curl - or the longer swimshorts available at high street chains such as New Look.

With the exception of menswear, however, there are lots of different styles available to suit every taste, shape, size and budget.

The old adage ‘less is more’ will no doubt come as a relief to many who fear baring acres of flesh in a skimpy bikini, and with the broad variety of shape, cut and colour of beachwear this year, (and accessories to match), you really can’t go wrong.

Retro special edition Ray Bans £120

Bandeau bikini top Evans £16

Gizmo boardshorts Rip Curl £35

Turban or not to Turban...?

Helen Nianias considers the season's most controversial headwear

To dub the turban as simply ridiculous costume headwear misses the point

V

It seems that every major fashion magazine and column (not forgetting the Daily Mail) have had their say on the turban, and many have - perhaps rather unfairly - dubbed it simply as ridiculous costume headwear. But aren’t they missing the point? Legendary photographer Cecil Beaton described turbans as part of fashion’s “Oriental taste”, and they were a wardrobe

staple for any thirties or forties film star. How times have changed.

The fact that my mother’s reaction to the Prada adverts was “but,

V

E

you'll love...

Monaco's beaches, where you can show off THAT figure whilst still covering up...

Tiffany's diamonds to bring a touch of glamour to the beach, whilst accessorising your metallics to perfection...

Mother of pearl flip-flops Accessorize £12

Leopard print kaftan Peacocks £16

voking nostalgia for early twentieth century and old school glamour, the turban has been one of the most widely disputed “trends” of the season.

Yet, considering Prada and Ralph Lauren, amongst others, sent these down the catwalk in their spring/ summer ‘07 collections, and it is now (in spite of questionable weather) the summer of 2007, shouldn’t we be seeing more of them about?

Per Una one-piece £29.50

Straw bag House of Fraser £25

why would anyone want to look like a pensioner down the post office?” says more than I could about

how the turban is viewed today.

With this in mind, perhaps what many fashion writers are missing is the idea that fashion isn’t always meant to be worn by everyone on every occasion. It would be absurd to suggest that a statement piece, such as the turban, could be quickly dragged on with a t-shirt and jeans, and it would be a shame if you could. Ralph Lauren’s runway shows featured models in crisp white shirts, sharp tailoring and slim ties with sultry, smudged eyeliner, whilst Miuccia Prada’s girls had slicks of platinum hair hanging down their backs.

Chanel meanwhile, have tapped into the archive glamour look with their Paris – Monte Carlo ad campaign, which features heavy fringes and a dull gold headpieces. Needless to say, it is a far cry from how most of us look slouched around campus,

Tumble stone ring Lola Rose £69

Topshop satin turbans £15

Picture courtesy of topshop.com

"S

ophistication is coming back”, announced Italian designer Giambattista Valli, and this year’s spring/summer collections didn’t disappoint.

Full of stylish one-pieces, accentuating curves and bringing some Forties style glamour to beach and poolside, the catwalks had a distinctly nostalgic feel about them this season. Where one-pieces were once slashed thigh-high, demure, ladylike styles in elegant monochrome take their place. Animal prints also made a splash; Elizabeth Hurley’s beach range featured striking tiger and leopard-print pieces, which will be sure to get you noticed this summer wherever you

"Breakfast at Tiffany's"; the ultimate girly summer flick.

Draw inspiration from Audrey's wardrobe to bring some 40's glamour to yours...

Headscarves act as a cool yet colourful alternative to beach headgear this season. Get your mitts on this one for just £7 from Accessorize...

suggesting that fashion isn’t always meant to be for the everyday. Surely the point being made here is that glamour is for special occasions.

This, then, explains why turbans have been popular with the designers, but not with us plebs. Put simply, they are too much work to get right.

When I last checked, topshop.com were selling (amongst others) a bright fuchsia turban, but this is perhaps a trend that doesn’t sit well with the high street. With the couture connotations of this particular piece of headwear, individuality is key to ensure a distinctive look. You may see a million footless tights and blouson tops, but how many turbans have you seen today? Go to Expressions, ebay. com, or just knot a scarf around your head for the effect. Let’s start a revolution! Glamour for all!

Billie Holiday's gorgeous 'Now or Never' is perfect for that 30's and 40''s summer vibe this season. Put her on your ipod and get swaggering...

21LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION Wednesday June 27, 2007

>TRA EL

MORE FROM MORROCCO Elena Gorianova gets paranoid in part two of our guide to the Morrocco Hitch

Rod James Hitch tips from the expert

Make an effort to look as harmless as possible. Smile

and try to emphasise your youthful vitality! If you remind people of their own children or even themselves as youngsters, the urge to save you from the road side will inevitably strike.

Avoid lay-bys; opt for Motorway Service Stations instead.

Firstly, it gives you a chance to talk to people and try to win them over to your cause. Secondly, it’ll give you more control over who picks you up, effectively filtering out the loonies and perverts.

Make an effort to ingratiate yourself with the locals. If

you are abroad, write your signs in their native language. If you happen to have a flag or national team shirt, wear it. You might not get picked up straight away, but at least you’ll get the people on your side.

of desperation and anger is hardly going to make you look like the ideal travel companion.

Try and stand out from the crowd. On a street full of identical hitchhikers, a stupid hat or inflatable sheep can be the difference between success and failure.

If you have a choice, try to stay away from big cities.

Country people are friendlier and are more likely to take you that mile further.

Target truck drivers. They drive long distances in one direction, and if it happens to be The Hitch to Morrocco runs in the Easter vacation every year to raise money for the charity LINK. For more information contact yorkhitch@hotmail.co.uk

them wielding a bat apparently for protection… they took us to a “hotel” where we had to pay the full price of a 5 men room because there were no smaller rooms.

The room was very simple with sofa-type things along all the walls complete with cushions and a couple throw-overs.

No bed sheets, no windows and no door – just a yellow curtain.

The guard slept just outside that curtain, in the main hall. I’m not quite sure what he was guarding though – us or the building?

There was an odd guy just standing around in the hall in the middle of the night. He was obviously watching which room we went into. What else could he be up to?

So now THEY knew where we were staying and which room! We got quite paranoid about someone coming in the night and robbing us.

We decided to get the hell out of there first thing in the morning The summary of the day: “That’s what Morocco does to you: takes your money, makes you paranoid and gives you a w e t

b

a c k ” We did return to Old Fes at one point for more shopping. I bought a pair of shoes but the guy made me pay per shoe! How weird.

Hiding all the sex oriented features of the female body actually removes any sexual connotations

V

Even if you’ve been waiting for hours in the pouring rain, keep upbeat. A face full

Photo by Elena Gorianova

V

Travel log

W

e were in Africa. We got into a little settlement just outside Nador, Morocco, took a bus bound for Oujda where the national rail tracks actually start. On a lighter note, it’s been much easier getting around here than in Europe. The transport is really cheap – 6Dh for the first bus we took which drove for 14 kilometres considering that £1=16Dh. So not bad, not bad.

It’s stunning how much like Spain the Moroccan terrain is.

Same massive empty plains entrapped by mountains. Half the plains are even covered with the same orange tree plantations. Majority of the ground, however, is mostly dead… besprinkled with black and white plastic litter bags and the occasional citizen napping under a tree or in the bushes. The bus got stopped almost every hour to be checked by the police. There were quite a lot of them – I guess the aftermath of the Casablanca bombings the previous week..

The houses do not have windows or doors on 3 out of 4 walls, which are usually multicoloured.

So are the women’s gowns. They tend to wear dress-like robes with pointy hoods, most exquisite in colour and design. But none are tailored, all are loose. Moroccan women also have to wear head scarves and to cover almost all parts of their bodies – except for the face.

Although we did see a few women with faces covered, but only 2 or 3 during the whole week. Westerns always go on about how oppressed these women are etc. that they cannot wear what they want. But it’s quite the opposite. Hiding all of the sex oriented features of the female body actually completely removes any sexual connotations.

I felt that women are not seen as sex symbols as much and are able to interact with men on more equal rights then the western women in their home land where women have to prove their independence.

We got to Fes on a train at 2am and took a taxi into the city to find the hotel. As soon as we got out of the car two came out of the shadows, one of

We left Fes the next morning. As soon as the train left the platform all troubles seemed to have ended. But the day was rather uneventful. So we decided to leave for Marrakech the day after. We got to the train station in the morning. We relaxed a bit as we got on the train – I see a pattern forming there. We left our worries about explosions as the city passed by our windows and the train tracks took us to the wastes once more.

The landscape had changed little, but we got to see a couple bridges this time.

It was also greener than the inland. The harsh dry red soil gave way to high grasses and the mountains had disappeared. The amount of trees began to recede as we went deeper into the mainland again.

The closer we move towards Marrakech, however, the more Africa-like the scenery becomes – that is considering the Western perception of what Africa “should” be like. Here the ground isn’t even red, but ochre, burned through and through by the hot desert sun. There was hardly any vegetation to be observed and the little that did survive clang low to the ground spreading out spiky tendrils.

There are scarce groups of trees growing on reappearing hilltops, but even these had narrow stick-like leaves – no longer green but a dirty greyish colour.

Eventually the plain has become enclosed by a ring of mountains once again and the variation of cactus plants outside our windows had increased. Also, we noticed a lot of donkey paths with lonely travellers. It’s a mystery to us how they can wear all black full body dresses in such weather and not melt into little puddles.

The last two days were pretty uneventful as well. We got ambushed by snake charmers in the middle of the Medina square in Marrakech. They grabbed us by the arms, threw snakes around our necks and made us take photos saying the price would be “whatever we want”.

We saw loads of British people, here in Marrakech it seemed like there were more English than Moroccans. Half the people staying in our hotel were fellow hitch hikers from York! Turned out Morocco had been in a draught for the past three years. And the day we came to Marrakech, on Prophet Mohamed’s birthday, it started to rain! All through our hitch hike the rain was following us around.

We didn’t get the chance to explore the local culture in the freedom offered only by the hospitality of small villages and settlements, didn’t get to see the true harshness of the climate or to sleep under the southern stars heavy on a low black panel of the sky.

All we saw were the results of globalisation.

Everything we came across was modern, cold, having no history, betraying no characteristic of the actual people and their world. It was empty, meaningless, and alien to the country itself.

Perhaps next time we will have more luck, travelling among the smallest of settlements where issues of survival bring people together into closer, family-like community, where money has little hold on the proud hearts of the indigenous people.

ADAM THORN'S

HAS THE BEENS 1 2

ginge

He's gone. At last. Peterpan student Richard Davis finally left this year. Fresher girls can now sleep in peace..

POWER LIST

rugby 1sts

Our lads got another hammering from Lancaster at Roses this year.

Perhaps if you spent more time practising and less time pulling girls in Toffs you'd do better, eh boys?

1

(2)

KEITH CRASHES INTO THE NO1 SPOT AFTER A YEAR IN SECOND PLACE. HE MAY NOT PICK UP ANY GONGS FOR CHARISMA, BUT HAS REGAINED HIS POSITION AS THE MOST POWERFUL PERSON IN YORK DUE TO HIS RUTHLESS HANDLING OF THE PORTERS CRISIS AND OVERSEEING OF THE HES EAST DEVELOPMENT, MAKING HIM THE KEY FIGURE ON CAMPUS.

Got destroyed by Anne Marie Canning in the SU election.

RISING

2 3

ryan bennett 2 sam daunt

3

1

3

4

dan taylor

Tory obsessive Dan is paranoid that a Quaker group are behind the SU. Taylor ran around campus naked because he wanted to highlight the porters crisis,

TOP OF THE

5

NEW ENTRY

Vice Chancellor

( 5)

John GREENWOOD

23

ken batten Head of Security

( 7)

felicity riddy Advisor

She rises this year after overseeing the bar closures that took place at the start of this year. A top advisor to Brian Cantor - Riddy is a big player in York.

S COCK-UPlondon 2006 QUALITY CAMPUS PUBLICATION NOUSE THOUGHT THE LONDON OLYMPICS HAD ALREADY TAKEN PLACE..

Joey ellis Student Action Chair

Rich croker

SU President

The president falls 2 places to No10 in this year's chart. Rich will be remembered as one of the most popular and hard working students to hold this post.

11

re-entry

greg dyke

The university's chancellor and a famous media figure. Dyke has no official power, however his opinion on issues carries huge weight on many issues.

12

The woman behind the man.

Student Action chair Joey is the lady in SU president Croker's life - and is rumoured to play a huge part in all of his decisions. Joey is also one of next year's Sabs.

7

re-entry

Janet ford Advisor

8

(15)

sue johnston Advisor

13

9

david garner

brian woods

newspapers before they print

(12)

Jolene jessiman

This year's YUSU officers have had a good year, with Vision giving them all a score above average. Read on to find out just how good they were...

Tom flynn

The hoff a like

43 34 The Goodfather Mat Burton paid Ents officer for GSA, transforemed

him ÂŁ800 to be flown from Ireland. their campus events.

amy foxton 35 17 Amy is the only student to check Lib

ceredig jh

Dem Heslington.

councillor

for

flashmobbers 44 Causing mayhem on campus.

Micky Macefield dale sanders christian union 45 18 36 Caused controversy after rowing Head of Biology who managed to Religious society on campus. with the Goodfather

lose a radioactive chemical.

Brad Gilbert

19 One of

the Uni's top spending admin chiefs.

jo carter

andrew tudor

46 37 Setting up a new theatre and film Former Hockey supremo and new AU president.

department.

jack kennedy Ruth kelly 38 Lacrosse club 47 20 Government minister gave the go- Still one of the most formidable Rising star of the AU.

ahead for Hes East.

sports clubs on campus.

won youn john street 39 nick hassey 48 21 Top officer in charge of bringing Au vice president who organised Langwith president has seen his

about Hes East.

bar turned into an art gallery.

college sport

Tom Moore 40 22 AU officer Tom Moore inspired a Photosoc

famous Roses victory this year.

tom hole

ystv

49 One of

president. Campus the most successful stumedia would grind to a halt with- dent stations in the country. out him.

charles fonge "Wales" Griffiths 41 nick evans 50 23 Ben oversaw one of the most suc- Built new homepage, "the yorker." In charge of all freedom of information act request.

cessfull ever RAG years.

24

jamie tyler 26 Derwent chair secured a big reno-

Henry smith

42

President of the club of PEP.

IMAGE OF TH E YEAR by toby robert s

vation of the Derwent bar.

"The adult in the SU" is the manager of YUSU. She co-ordinates all union activities and is the first point of call for advice and direction from everyone associated with the union.

chris henshaw 27 The director of science group, a

14

(4 )

amy woods SU Services Officer

Amy has had a solid year as services officer..but failed to match her (almost legendary) predecessor or Nat Thwaites McGowan. Amy is charged with looking after most areas of the SU.

top advisor to the VC.

Fenna Rhodes 28 Former student Fenna is set to

15

(16)

hot pick for a Sab position next

ruth mosalski

31 Another

alister fitter

Emerged from nowhere to be Student Action chair and campus hack.

chief.

colin hindson

SU Societies and Communications

The university's spin doctor. Garner is in charge of the entire press relations output of the university from his bunker in Hes Hall. The voice of York University.

Colin became the first student to take the new position of societies and communications officer, after losing to Rich Croker in a tight presidential battle. A key figure.

EVENTS woodstock

alex clarke 29 James JCRC chair, another red

30

high spending admin

32

hannah martin

Fusion president who oversaw the ir most successful event ever.

33 Organised

sam daunt

the most successfull ever Woodstock.

halifax

su presiden from his hect rich croker takes tim while tom m tic job to scratch his e out ar oore gets in changed. a muddle gese... tting

COLLEGES

YORK'S YOUNGEST COLLEGE GOT SOME MUCH NEEDED SPIRIT AFTER WINNING THE CHAMPIONSHIP.

8

RICH CROKER

One of the most popular and hard working SU presidents, Rich worked his arse off for students this year. Rich fails to score higher as he didn't do anything revolutionary at all - in contrast to former president Micky Armstrong. However he did score a victory against the Uni in the Kitchen Crisis. He leaves with his head held high.

COLIN HINDSON Whether it was spending days clearing crap out of disused offices, or completely overhauling the funding of campus societies, Colin worked exceptionally hard. Many wondered if Colin could work with Presidential rival Rich Croker, but the pair made a good team when dealing the university and this year's many crises.

TOM MOORE

9

7

Scored a famous double after winning both Roses and the college championship. However many felt that he made a mistake by scheduling the Rugby and Football 1st games on the Sunday - which led to a lack of atmosphere on the previous 2 days. His best moment was organising a lucrative deal with deloitte to sponsor college sport.

WALES

9

AMY FOXTON

6

AMY WOODS

6

Ben Griffiths completely overhauled RAG when he took over and led them to one of their most financially successful years ever. Despite problems with unethical merchandise, this shouldn't overshadow his achievements this year.

Amy came into the position with relatively no experience in student politics. She was voted in due to her impressive work for campus help service nightline.

While no one would doubt that Foxton has done a good job, her score is brought down by not being radical enough. When in November Vision revealed how you could break into Derwent accommodation without a key, she removed the story for putting students safety in danger. Fair enough. However 7 months on that problem wasn't fixed - something that she should have seen to personally.

release his first single next year.

Spin Doctor

THE BIGGEST AND MOST SUCCESSFUL EVENT THEY HAVE EVER PUT ON. TOP DRAWER.

16 Top advisor to VC Brian Cantor.

ryan bennett UCU Officer The university's lecturers' union Vanbrugh chair is the new favourofficer, Brian holds sway over the ite to be the next SU president actions of lecturers at this university. As last year's strikes show, Louis Wihl Woods can take action against Alcuin obessive Louis has transeven the most powerful people on formed the spirit of the college. this list.

Union Manager

Sue Johnston soars up this year's chart to land at number 8. Sue is responsible for a huge area of management at the university.

NEW ENTRY

NEW ENTRY

Trevor Sheldon

25

Janet is a top advisor to VC Brian Cantor and will take a key role in looking over the new Heslington east development. Janet dropped out of last year's list but has made a comeback of Take That proportions.

Ken soars up the chart to regain his top 10 place. He oversaw the resignation of porters and the recent security crisis. Set to play a major part in Hes East.

ben wardle

Student Action loser Tim lost in the presidential election, and is still really bitter about it.

6

Up 2 places this year. John is described as the "Dellboy" of admin by friends and controls all commercial aspects of the university.

Goodricke chair Ben would sell his grandmother for a vote, and is desperate to become the next SU president.

2 tim newcombe

BRIAN CANTOR

Director of Commercial Services

WANN ABEES

(3)

Top boss Brian was left "more reelling than ever before" according to a senior admin source after Vision revealed how he blew 90k of our money on expenses. Still a powerful force on campus though.

First year student who organised a massively successful Woodstock that made thousands

daniel ashby

( 8)

Chancellor

The Vanbrugh chair is Vision's pick to be the new SU president.

One to watch..

Former editor Dan set up his own media organisation this year, and also organised the chain protests against the porters strikes.

10

SENIOR CAMPUS ADMIN FIGURES HAVE TOLD VISION HOW KEITH FREELY HANDS OUT VISCIOUS BOLLOCKINGS TO SOME OF THE OTHER PEOPLE ON THIS LIST. ONE TO BE FEARED...

STARS 1

EACH YEAR THE POWER LIST AIMS TO BRUISE A FEW EGOS AND UNEARTH SOME UNSUNG HEROES AS WE RATE SOME OF THE MOST INFLUENTIAL PEOPLE ON CAMPUS. AND THIS YEAR WE'RE NOT HOLDING BACK. OUR CRACK TEAM OF JOURNALISTS HAVE SPENT COUNTLESS HOURS RESEARCHING AND FOLLOWING ANYONE WHO'S ANYONE TO BRING YOU THE DEFINITIVE TOP 50.

7 0 / 06

Keith Lilley DIRECTOR OF FACILITIES MANAGEMENT

3 james flinders

THE SAB RATINGS

WHO'S REALLY TOP OF THE CHARTS ON CAMPUS?

lacrosse

Again, Woods has had a solid if unspectacular year. She has done a good job - and the tidy YUSU accounts will prove.

However she still clearly lives in the shadow of last year's services officer, Nat Thwaites McGowan, who's ruthless efficiency revolutionised the way YUSU dealt with the Uni.

SOCS

DESPITE NEVER RECEIVING THE SORT OF ACCLAIM OF OTHER SPORTS, THE LACROSSE LADS ARE STILL COMFORTABLY THE MOST SUCCESSFUL CLUB ON CAMPUS.

TOP OF THE

24 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

>F

Wednesday June 27, 2007

D&DRINK

EDIBLE CAMPUS?

For her latest death-defying feat, Fiona Scott eats campus in an attempt to prove the environmental and gastronomic potential of foraged food*.

Hotter than an otter...

• GLAD-U-ATE-ING?

• FULL OF BEANS

As well as reducing the incidence of gallstones and lessening the likelihood of developing type 2 diabetes, new research suggests drinking coffee dramatically reduces the risk of gout in men. As if we needed a reason to indulge!

... icier than a polar bear's ice cream...

• PACK IT IN!

A government report suggest that high levels of chemicals can pass into food in food from the cardboard and cling films used in packaging. Pack it in, we’re too beautiful to die young.

• JUNK FOOD ADVERTS

No doubt egged-on by the Jamie’s school dinners campaign, celebrity chefs are now petitioning the government for a pre-watershed ban on junk food adverts aimed at kids. Thank goodness we responsible students know how to resist the subtle charms of targeted advertising. Mmm...

Pot Noodle.

• INSECTS

Get off our mini-quiches, you m i n i fiends, you’re taking all the fun out of our picnics.

Sadly my vegetarianism proved a barrier to the more adventurous 'road kill cuisine' option

V

Your parents have to pay for a slap-up lunch on graduation day.

Take them to that restaurant you always wanted to visit but were too stingy.

F

was both cheap and environmentally sound? Discussing the idea with friends, I was encouraged to raid bins in York city centre. An entertaining option,

V

the Vision Hot list

orget air miles, the latest eco-trend is raising our awareness of food miles.

Literally the distance a food travels from field to fork, food miles are quickly becoming the hot topic amongst foodies nationwide. Even seemingly eco-friendly options like organic and locally-produced foods no longer cut it in this new age of eco-food awareness, as Minister for Sustainable Food and Farming, Lord Bach, announced ‘it is clear that organic and seasonally-available food can reduce environmental impacts but that these can be offset by the way they are transported to the consumer’s home’.

With DEFRA sources revealing that food transport produced 19 million tonnes of carbon dioxide in 2002 alone, it is perhaps no surprise that environmentally-savvy foodies are turning to more novel ways of sourcing their dinners. The shrewd Foxhunter Restaurant in Monmouthshire is offering urbanites badly affected with food guilt the opportunity to forage for their suppers at the bargain price of £125 per couple.

If you can’t face trawling through acres of woodland in the search of that unique ingredient, then you can even buy professionally-foraged produce from Miles Irving online at www.forager.com. But then, that rather takes the fun out of it, doesn’t it? Surely I could find some way of eating that

I felt, but undoubtedly a dangerous one. In a similar vein, my vegetarianism sadly proved a barrier to the ‘roadkill cuisine’ option. Contact with Miles ‘professional forager’ Irving provided some much-needed encouragement. With his inspiring words, ‘really, people can get a lot of good food from foraging, I foraged my way through university’, my mind was made up.

To campus! And not to Costcutter.

Foraging for food is, of course, no recent invention.

Discussion with my housemate, Marcin, revealed the Polish tradition of mushroom-picking.

Close to a ‘national pastime’,

You say Tomato...

... Lydia Mills says SPF30, as she discovers a delicious way to have more fun in the sun!

A

quick glance out of my window this morning would seem to suggest that summer has finally arrived in York (although looking again, I can now see a rather ominous grey cloud drifting by....) Hooray! I hear you cry, as you scramble outside with your deckchairs, flip-flops and inflatable paddling pools. But, if you’re anything like me - ridiculously prone to burning - the thought of the uncomfortable consequences will cross your mind. Well, fear not, my foodie friends - the answer lies not only in your factor 30, but also in cartenoid-and flavonoid-rich foods such as cooked tomato products and chocolate.

Research at Heinrich-Heine University in Dusseldorf has shown that these powerful antioxidants can limit UV-induced skin reddening by fighting off free radicals - molecular fragments created by over-exposure to the sun. A ten-

week trial showed that fair-skinned participants who took 40g tomato paste and 10g olive oil (to facilitate cartenoid-uptake in the body) each day were more resistant to burning by the end of the trial. A similar experiment involving participants taking flavonoid-rich cocoa powder each morning produced similar results.

The researchers are quick to point out that the level of UV protection afforded by eating such foods is very low - equivalent to wearing factor 2 or 3 suncream - but note that the effects are still beneficial as a lot of sun-exposure occurs when our skin is unprotected, such as walking down the road to the shops or nipping out to post a letter.

I for one would certainly welcome a little extra sun protection in the coming months, and any excuse to eat more chocolate is good enough for me!

Always check with a specialist before eating wild foods!

the quest for mushrooms usually involves the whole family, a forest and many, many mushroom–filled bellies. ‘What’s the typical incidence of mushroomrelated deaths in Poland?’ I questioned. ‘Surprisingly low’, Marcin replied, ‘but you have to know what you’re doing’.

Anxious to get on the ecofood bandwagon, I set out on a campus trawl for the ultimate in environmentally friendly meals. I wore no splendid cloak, but adverse weather conditions did dictate the use of a pac-a-mac. Doubtful of my own mushroom-recognition skills, however, I had determined to stay away from any form of fungus for fear of my life. The first thing that struck me was the frightening over-abundance of campus nettles. Despite my better judgement, it seemed inevitable that the age-old gypsy favourite Nettle Soup would be on the menu. Excellent, I thought, 10 am and I already had a cap on my starter course. Alas, I now have the retrospective good sense to advise those following in my footsteps to wear gloves at this crucial stage of the foraging process. Spotting a host of golden dandelions, I was reminded of a recipe I had seen for Dandelion Risotto, and hoisted a bunch into my handy knapsack before good sense had the chance to take over.

The desert course, however, proved more difficult due to the distinct lack of fruit on campus. I can’t talk openly about the source of the apples for my apple crumble, but the expe-

rience provided me with that indescribable high which only living on the wrong side of the law can bring. And they were just going to rot in that old lady’s garden anyway.

Back home by lunchtime, and to my housemates delight, I cooked up a feast worthy of (dare I say it) a professional forager, remembering to wash everything thoroughly. Ok, ok, so I didn’t feed myself exclusively on campus gatherings (risotto rice doesn’t grow on trees), and the Nettle Soup wasn’t the tastiest of treats, but sourcing certain ingredients more locally was a way of adding a little excitement to my mealtime without compromising my ecoethics.

It’s certainly not hard to extend the principle to something as simple as a herb garden. I grew basil, thyme, mint and parsley in a planter last spring, and was able to make fresh pesto and other treats throughout the summer. Cycling to the fruit n veg shop on Hes Road is one very easy way of getting your hands on fresh, cheap and locally-a produce. And perhaps a dandelion risotto could be the very thing to impress your friends at a ‘special’ dinner party? Go on, go on. In a few months every self-respecting foodie will be eating nettle soup and raiding their back gardens for tasty treats!

No ducks were harmed in the production of this ar* ticle.

Wild Recipes!

Nettle Soup

Saute 1 chopped onion and 2 diced garlic gloves in a little oil. Stir in several handfuls of washed young nettles (no need to chop!) until soft.

Stir in 2 tablespoons white flour and gradually add 2 cups milk and 1 cup stock. Liquidise!

Dandelion Risotto

Wash dandelions and pick the petals. Saute 1 onion, 2 cloves garlic and add 170g Arborio rice. Add 125ml dry white wine (optional) and cook until wine is nearly evaporated. Add 500ml vegetable stock gradually, whilst stirring continuously. Add dandelion petals and season.

Apple Crumble

Preheat oven to 180oC. Mix 300g plain flour and 175g brown sugar in a bowl. Rub 200g cubed butter in, until the mixture resembles breadcrumbs. Place 450g of peeled, cored, sliced legallyacquired apples in a bowl and sprinkle over 50g brown sugar, 1 tbsp flour and 1 pinch cinnamon, and finally the crumble mixture.

Bake in the oven for 40-45 mins until browned.

the

scene

> june 2007 > issue 8

> interviews > features > reviews > listings

pull tiger tail on top of the world with indie’s new poster boys MUD BATH! FIRST GLASTONBURY REVIEW

<

P.28

<

EXCLUSIVE SHREK 3 AND HARRY POTTER 5 PREVIEWS!

<

CHATTING TO P.32 MICHAEL ROSEN

P.37

> the scene: contents

> 26

contents spotlight on pull tiger tail

Watch This Face:

27 28 31 Los Campesinos!

33 34 I 36

music: live and album reviews. plus: an exclusive review of glastonbury

film: the bollywood oscars, plus a previews of harry potter 5 and shrek 3

tv: richard webb on the continuing freak show of big brother

culture: women in theatre, and a look at york's beauty and the beast

books: chatting to new children's poet laurete, michael rosen

listings: all your going out needs: sorted

39

the

scene The people behind this madness....

Katie Jacobs - Editor Loulla-Mae E.S. - Music Editor Camille Augarde - Music Deputy

Andrew Latham & Sophie Wright - Film Editors

Rebecca Short - Film Deputy Editor Richard Webb - TV Editor Charlotte Bilsland & Dan Meredith Culture Editors

Hannah Wallace Culture Deputy Editor Sam Birch - Books Editor Nicola Hebden & Naomi Lever - Books Deputy Editor Post open - Listings Editor

Editors and writers of The Scene predict the rising stars in music, theatre, comedy, books, film or televsion, helping you stay one step ahead of the pack, arts-wise....Just remember: you heard it here first.

This Week: Superstars, heart throbs or the next big thing? Forget it.

As the band themselves say “It’s just pop music”. Sian Rowe explains why you should join the Los Campesinos! party. f there’s one reason to coax your mate’s vocal talents out of the shower and dust off the ol’ telecaster guitar, indie-pop seven piece Los Campesinos! are it. Recent graduates from the University of Cardiff, the band’s twinkling tunes and playful stage show is snapping up fans left, right and centre.

Be it plastering over a broken heart or indulging in a joyful indie stomp things are never downbeat with this band. Gosh, in places things get so cheery there should be some kind of money back guarantee. Frown and a refund is coming your way. Current single ‘You! Me! Dancing!’ is perfect for a bedroom rave, walk in the park, or the disco. Inspired by local night Twisted By Design, it’s a tale of hugs and joyously flailing limbs rather than lager ‘n’ lairy-ness.

Throw in references to Dewey Decimals, Hitler and Communist Russia and you’ve even got a fair dose of intellect sprinkled on top of the synthesiser fun. An antidote to lads in hoods and spandex sporting nymphs Los Campesinos! are bringing gan chic into the cardilimelight.

It might come

as a shock that the Huw Stevens lauded, A&R spotted kids have only played a handful of gigs outside the Welsh capital. Although picking up press on Internet message boards it took a ‘Jim’ll Fix It’ style coup to really ensure Los Campesinos! success. In a dream come true scenario the band snagged a support role with Canadian heavyweights Broken Social Scene. While bands such as the charming Fanfarlo tackle the country’s miniature venues, the student superheroes hit it big first time. Only a few shows into their career and they were shaking their way through a set laden with juicy strings and sprightly keys on The Points striking church based stage.

year; both on superbly designed 7” vinyl or free, yes, FREE, download.

They’re even embarking on a U.S jaunt before they tackle home soil.

While things went a bit quiet in the real world as exams, essays and endless revision took hold; the media machine has chucked a fair bit of fame their way. Despite New Year hopefuls sometimes being burnt out by May, Los Campesinos! haven’t suffered a full on bombardment.

Snuck away on Radio One’s session in Wales with brief slots on Zane Lowe’s big time the band a r e taking things relatively slowl y.

T h e y released only two singles on Wichita this

Los Campensinos! play at Leeds Cockpit on October 19th.

So why ones to watch?! Despite kicking off this year the best is yet to come. With a U.K tour finally stopping off in Leeds this October and more limited edition singles in the pipeline there’s no better time to grab the Los Campesinos! conga.

And now, time for the plug...

Single ‘You! Me! Dancing!’ is currently available on itunes or on 7” vinyl from independent record shops or, if you’re lucky, HMV. Download ‘We Throw Parties…You Throw Knives/ Don’t Tell Me To Do The Math(s)’ from www.loscampesinos.com

> spotlight: pull tiger tail

> 27

spotlight

this week: Pull Tiger Tail

Camille Augarde brushes up on her Tarzan cry and gets ready to pounce on her new favourite kings of the jungle, the tiger teasers themselves...

which is how it happened so quickly”. What happened so quickly was that they were snapped up by the prestigious Young and Lost Club Records within six months, and told to put their university courses on hold. What followed has been a starring role in the NME’s New Music Tour, being hand-picked by Razorlight to support them on their colossal arena tour, a current self-headlining tour and now a summer which is jam-packed with festival appearances ahead of them. Not bad for a band whose first ever gig was at London’s Tatty Bogle Club last year eh?

The joyful thing about Pull

“

We won't let our music be shoved into a box...someone called us indie and we were shocked!

“

Tiger Tail is that they have managed to obtain this sudden success without allowing their identity to be moulded by their label, as Marcus explains, “we made it clear from the first meeting with our label that we had every intention of doing things our own way, in terms of image, music, videos etc. They haven’t tried to change us or stamp us with a brand at all.

I guess we were just a good pack-

age from the start.” Music aside for one moment, a mere glance at the Tigers confirms this. “Don’t you want to know how I maintain such luxurious hair?” queries Davo. Chuckling politely, waves of abhorrence sweep through me as I ponder exactly this. You see, whilst unashamedly sounding like a Smash Hits-esque (ah those were the days… ) magazine, ranking this month's most “sizzling” boy band, it is highly suggestible that one of the reasons why Pull Tiger Tail were signed without so much as a comb-over, lay in the fact that they are a pretty little bundle. Singer Marcus’s golden mane suits him to a PTT (oh dear…), guitarist Davo is the bit of “eye candy” or the “pet on the back” for those bland university walls, and Jack is the muscular, brooding drummer who will appeal to Vision’s more mature readers. “Actually, we beat up Hadouken! because they called us a boy band” Marcus laughs. However, the exquisitely designed PTT knickers, which I discovered to my amusement on their website, suggest to me that Hadouken! may have the upper hand in this argument.

Kicking looks and modesty aside then, why have Pull Tiger Tail been the ones to have been sieved out of all the millions of unsigned bands which are swarming around today? “Because most of the other bands are shit” declares Davo. Aha. “I think it just came down to good and original song writing”. “We try and do

things in a way that’s interesting to people who play instruments”

“

We made it clear from the first meeting with our label that we had every intention of doing things our own way.

“

F

or those Vision readers who aren’t all that familiar with the band Pull Tiger Tail, guitarist Davo decides to give a quick snapshot: “We’re a Rage Against the Machine covers band who play new Rage Against the Machine songs”. Concerned that I may have stumbled across a posse of Fibbers’ finest Friday night head-thrashers instead of the NME darlings that I had hoped to be greeting, I smile sheepishly and frantically eye up the nearest exit. He is of course joking, his point being that “we won’t let our music be shoved into a box”.

“Someone called us an indie band and we were shocked, distraught, mortified!” gasps the lion-haired singer, Marcus. Instead, they describe themselves as “arena rockers” who like to maintain luxurious hair, show a keen interest in the natural world, and aim to have a career as successful as The Beatles. Now glad that I refrained from clambering out the toilet window, I set about discovering just who Pull Tiger Tail are. Twodimensional indie kids? I think not...

So the story goes that one fine day the highly spontaneous Marcus, Davo and Jack grew disenchanted with their “provincial town”, Stratford-Upon-Avon, and decided to all go to Goldsmiths College together, in order to become big town Landan lads. Having known each other for years and shared a flat in New Cross with members of Klaxons, “we had heaps of songs kicking about,

chips in Marcus, who God bless his cottons, first got into music when his grandparents gave him their old piano for Christmas when he was a young whippersnapper. Citing Radiohead and Bjork as musical inspirations, he explains that “we’re not purposely trying to be perverse, but we do try to push as many boundaries as we can musically at any one time – there being only three of us.” They explain that this is exactly what their band name means. “It’s a kind of maxim that we’ve given ourselves to live by.

It’s about facing our fears – musical and otherwise, experimenting, and not analysing things.

It’s also something that we can put on our family crests when we get our rock star mansions and what-not” explains the increasingly modest Davo, before dramatically breaking into the Latin translation of “Pull Tiger Tail”.

“Our label is also renowned for

signing quite poppy bands, and we definitely have that side to us.” Indeed, beneath some bloody guitar, electronic and vocal battles within their singles, ‘Animator’, ‘Mr 100%’, ‘Let’s Lightning’ and most recently ‘Hurricanes’ lie some utterly brilliant pop tunes. The band are clearly aware of this potential for mass appeal, with Davo calmly, and unashamedly stating that “we would love to have a career as successful as The Beatles.” Call it arrogance, call it determination, but with songs, presence and faces like these, who cares what it is, who would dare resist it?

Some little known facts about P.T.T: 1. Their mechandise page contains badges, bags, t-shirts and...pants. Yes, pants.

2. Their Myspace teaches you how to say Pull Tiger Tail in sign language, Czech and Yiddish, amongst others.

3. They will be playing at Reading, Leeds, Electric Gardens, V, Truck and Loveboxx festivals this summer. (Plus many more).

> GLASTONBURY EXCLUSIVE

> 28

GOOD GLASTO! Vision's Lizzy Dale and Matthew Clarke report from the front line of the world's biggest, best and muddiest festival new ‘anti-tout’ tickets sold out this year in an hour and 45 minutes.

Somehow, we ended up with two, thus becoming the centre of much name-calling from jealous friends!

Prepared with our mental list of must dos and must sees we first pitched the tent, befriended the neighbours and bought wellies - a rather good purchase!

Our first walk around the site was mind-blowing, with a fabulous range of activities on offer. I don’t think it is possible to eat so varied and so well anywhere else. Tastes from throughout the world are catered for, but based on the state of the portaloos, we advise you avoid the curries. These may be perhaps the worst festival toilets we’ve experienced - be prepared to poo on three meters of sewage!

On a lighter note, this is all for a good cause. From the ‘i count’ campaign to stop climate chaos, to the myriad of charities in the ‘Greenfields’ section of the festival [Brandon Flowers: "Diamonds? I thought it and the huge recywas gold lame and sequins are forever!"] cling drive, Michael

Eavis and his daughter Emily (the land-owners and organisers) have done themselves proud.

There are three main stages and countless tents filled with over 2,000 acts from Friday to Sunday; here is a taste of the good, the great and the absolutely fantastic from 2007: Kicking up a storm - and large crowd - on the Pyramid stage on Friday, Whiny Winehouse - for once relatively sober - infused fans with her incredible vocal talent. It was hard to see how such a small person could produce such a speaker-splitting sound! Amy fuelled all musical appetites - especially with her cover of The Zutons’ hit ‘Valerie’.

In a similar musical vein, we blindly stumbled upon a secret gig by Joss Stone - originally to keep out of the rain. In front of a pathetic 1,000 people, this badly advertised outing on the ‘Leftfield’ stage, drew in an array of celebrities. A fantastic performance, but she seemed like a big fish in a small pond - two years ago she was on the Pyramid stage.

Self-confirmed top festival act Kasabian delivered more of their edgy-rock sound, with mass crowd interaction and singing continuing well after they left the stage.

Whereas the Arctic Monkeys, who headlined, confirmed in our eyes, that they are not a great live act.

Whilst hugely improving on their underwhelming set from Leeds 2006, they never really seemed to summon the stage presence of Bjork, headlining on The Other Stage, whose powerful and utterly surreal vocals drew in many who left surprisingly impressed.

The biggest crowd on Saturday afternoon was reserved for Lilly Allen. This time last year, foulmouthed Miss Allen had barely released her first single. She held the audience of the Pyramid stage in the palm of her hand; her stories of past visits to Glastonbury and of previous relationships endearing her to the crowd. A surprise jam with members of The Specials made her performance even more flamboyant.

Once ridiculed as a small-time band unable to compete with larger rock acts, Biffy Clyro’s new album has certainly drawn in new fans as they packed out the other stage - although sadly they repeated their short set from Download festival.

Saturday evening began with a hugely professional set from the elder statesman of rock, Paul Weller. Whilst his fans seemed blown away with his stage-time, many were left wishing that he had delved deeper into his backcatalogue and perhaps have played some of his hits from his time in The Jam, many of which would’ve been a perfect fit for Glastonbury.

However, he clearly knows how to play and gave a performance that belied his age.

Warming up the crowd before The Killers, The Kooks offered a disappointing set, certainly not second headline material. Unable

[Right...now anyone remember where we pitched our tent?] to hold a crowd of this size - or indeed, string a coherent sentence together - frontman Luke Pritch-

“

What makes 177,000 revellers want to stand in ankle deep mud and rain for four days?

“

M

ud, music and mayhem - what makes 177,000 revellers want to stand in ankle deep mud and rain for four days? What event can persuade two students to spend money they don’t have and miss their last ever Ziggy’s? This weekend the greatest festival in the world returned to Worthy Farm near Glastonbury.

Transformed from a dairy farm to the largest settlement in the south-west of England for 5 days, Glastonbury has become a right of passage for music lovers everywhere.

Synonymous with mud, a 60’s hippy culture and some of the greatest music in living memory t h e

ard kept falling over the speakers and appeared nervous on such a large stage. He wasn’t helped when the sound system went down for those at the back of the field but we were left feeling that they would’ve sounded much better in a more intimate arena.

However, everyone should experience at least one headline act from as far forward as they can bear to go. Our position, squeezed-up against the front barriers gave us a perfect view of what is likely to be one of the best sets of the summer.

The Killers hit all the notes which The Monkees failed to find, giving the crowd a show they were clearly longing for. Frontman Brandon Powers electrified the stage, causing regular surges from the biggest crowd of the festival. For the uninitiated, it was a harrowing experience, with dozens of fainting fans dropping behind us - security had their work cutout dragging them out over our heads.

Despite the crush, the sweat and the piercing screams of teenage girls this was our best perfor mance of the festival so far.

But Glastonb u r y is not j u s t

about the bands - performances come boxed in all shapes and sizes.

From circus acts to comedians, unknown solo artists and dance acts to political speeches. The best of the rest included the ambidextrous multi-instrumentalist Texan Rodney Brannigan playing two guitars - at the same time! - on an entirely solar powered stage, who caused more uproar than Take That’s final gig. The politically charged ‘Leftfield’ saw speeches from the likes of Tony Benn as well as numerous stand-ups, addressing the problems of the modern world in a satirical manner.

The quirky highlight of the weekend was Shirley Bassey’s extravagant act on Sunday afternoon.

Following a typically powerful performance of ‘Diamonds are Forever’, she declared: “Arctic Monkeys – that’s how it’s done!”

Glastonbury really is a city that never sleeps, singing and dancing 24/7. The community spirit only heightens the enjoyment; it’s a chance to experience new people, new cultures and so much new music it’s liberating. Glastonbury 2007 has more than made up for last years absence!

[All photos pinched from www.bbc.co.uk/glastonbury.

Please don't sue!]

[Dame Shirley Bassey gives it some welley]

> music: live reviews

> 29

Art Brut: They formed a band...

The Cockpit, Leeds. 18/06/07

A

rt Brut are one of those bands who need to be experienced live to be fully appreciated. On record, they are sharp, funny and enjoyable; but Art Brut live are never anything short of hilarious and exhilarating, incendiary even. Lyrics are changed on the apparent whim of front man Eddie Argos, who manages the considerable feat of being a consummate rock and roll star despite looking like a geography teacher who’s slept in his clothes, requests are always fulfilled (although after gamely trying to remember old track

I Was A Cub Scout Fibbers, York 22/06/07

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fter Cleveland trio Dartz! pull out a selection from their idiosyncratic and darn well catchy debut album ‘This is My Ship’ with danceable ease, its time for tonight’s main event. With Fibbers unusually packed and, dare we say it, atmospheric, things begin to look up for the headline act.

It’s time to prove why tonight is billed as a ‘Levi’s Ones to Watch’ affair.

I Was A Cub Scout, on their fourth headline tour, the glitchy ‘emo-pop’ duo return to York after their recent guest spot with The Maccabees on Steve Lamacq’s in the city jaunt. Sadly it’s a set that’s a bit of a mixed bag.

Previous single ‘Pink Squares’ has certainly been well practised however, working equally well on the bobbing chorus and the synthesiser bossed verses. It’s the track to really get the kids - and most people here are scraping the 15+ lower limit - dancing and hollering along. Some really quite fantastic clipped click-clack drumming is just the icing on the synth-core cake Yet, while the cutesy bleeping of ‘Part 2’ is a quirky treat more akin to something folkies Slow

‘These Animal Menswe@r’, Eddie pleads, “No more obscure B-sides, please!”), and tangents gleefully run with. Art Brut are also perhaps the only band who are able to get an entire crowd screaming about erectile dysfunction, as they prove with the brilliant ‘Rusted Guns of Milan’: “Don’t tell your friends, I promise it won’t ever happen again!”. Tracks from the new, as yet unreleased, album are not quite as well received, but I expect it won’t take long for ‘Nag Nag Nag’, and ‘Direct Hit’ to become dance-floor fill- i n g classics like ‘Emily Kane’ a n d

Club might churn out, the poor sound quality and lost vocals are doing the boys no favours on the heavier tracks. What should be impassioned cries become nothing more than a mute singer with a gaping mouth.

That’s the case on I Was A Cub Scout oldie ‘Teenage Skin’. Despite packing in so much angst that vocalist Todd Marriot starts whacking himself in the head, it can’t disguise the fact that his measured vocals are falling short in the volume stakes. Neither can what even the band themselves admit is a typical shit-dance drumbeat.

S I A N ROWE

‘Modern Art’.

Half way through their highly energetic set Eddie instructs the raucous crowd: “Don’t listen to people in bands. People in bands are drunk and stupid and probably just showing off !” As they launch into a storming finale which blends together favourites ‘Good Weekend’, ‘Formed A Band’ and their quasi-legendary anthem, ‘Art Brut! Top of the Pops!’, however, and the crowd transforms into a sweaty, heaving mass, it is clear that this is one band the fans have no intention of ignoring anytime soon.

KATIE JACOBS

Josh Pyke Leeds Faversham 12/06/07

S

o, Josh Pyke’s Myspace states that: ‘It didn’t take long before Josh’s unique voice and song writing style began to find favour amongst music tastemakers.’ If you ask me, that sounds like a pretty bland description by somebody completely disinterested. Every Tom, Dick and Harry being snapped up by labels has a ‘unique voice and song writi n g style’.

Josh, u n -

fortunately, does not fit into that category. This is not simply because his name is neither Tom, Dick or Harry.

Josh is not unique because: A) from the first minute that he got up on stage and started his set, all I was able to think about was Jack Johnson. B) being compared with Jack Johnson does not mean you stand out from the crowd, it means you sound like the next generation jumping on the chilled-out-surfer-music bandwagon, and ultimately appear generic. And C) the end result made my stomach turn, as does Jack Johnson, funnily enough.

Perhaps I’m being far too harsh, and I probably am. One thing that Jack and Josh don’t have in common is their homes.

One is from Hawaii and one is from Australia. This little nugget of information unfortunately doesn’t redeem my opinion of the gig. Though Josh sung his little heart out, I was ultimately bored. However, his ‘unique’ style simply isn’t my thing. But if you like Jack Johnson, it’s probably yours. LMES

The Thrills Fibbers, York 21/06/07

A

packed out Fibbers is an unusual but brilliant sight to behold on a rainy Thursday evening. A crowd of extremely varied individuals had filled the tiny venue, eagerly anticipating the return of their much loved heroes The Thrills. First however they had to get through a very brief set by the slightly egotistical Findlay Brown. Inoffensive toe-tapping tunes with a tinge of country and western, the music was good, but not great.

Having waited years for The Thrills to re-emerge onto the scene, the fans had to wait another agonising half hour and when the band finally appear on stage the abundance of teenage girls down the front is immediately explained by the dashing good looks and Irish charm of lead singer Conor Desy.

Once a mainstream hit with songs on adverts and an appearance on Top of the Tops, The Thrills have been away perhaps a little too

[The Thrills: perfecting the dark and brooding look, but managing to look slightly confused instead]

long writing new material which they happily showcased. New single 'Nothing Changes Round Here' lacks the infectious hooks of previous singles but still proved a hit with the loyal fans in the audience.

Most successful of course were the bigger hits 'Santa Cruz' with its irresistible thumping chorus, and the classic 'Big Sur' which got everyone singing heartily along. Even the slower songs failed to dampen the mood with brilliant harmonica solos on ‘Til The Tide Comes In' and a beautiful rendition of 'Not For All the Love in the World'. Despite the bassist looking like he was at deaths door throughout, he survived till the end of a wonderful set and two song encore, finishing the night on a high and proving that The Thrills are not finished in this business yet.

RACHAEL EYTON

Muse Wembley Stadium, London

16/06/07

S

ometime between 2001 and 2007 Muse became one of the biggest bands in the world. I’m still not quite sure when, or how for that matter, it happened. They’ve managed to be innovative, mixing fuzzy metal-inspired riffs, progressive synth arpeggios, wailing vocals and classical composition, yet still be astonishingly successful in the mainstream. Saturday 16th of June 2007 will go down as the day when Muse showed that they were worthy of their “Supermassive” status, wowing the first of two 90,000 sellout crowds at the revamped Wembley Stadium.

Though fans began queuing in the rain at nine in the morning, once Muse emerged from a cloud of smoke and strutted on stage a little after 8:30pm, all seemed worthwhile. Kicking off a career-spanning set with the epic “Knights of Cydonia”, the crowd were sent in to raptures. High-octane renditions of “Hysteria” and “Supermassive Black Hole” rapidly followed without allowing the crowd so much as a split-second to catch their breath.

The whole occasion felt huge: the twinkling Sci-Fi stage design was quite literally out-of-this-world, complete with 20-foot high video screen, spotlight-armed motorised satellite dishes and giant-illuminated orbs.

During “Blackout”, the show reached its audacious pinnacle, when two acrobats suspended from giant balloons ascended above the crowd.

Grandiose and bombastic and probably more akin to Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” tour than anything else around today, as the set reached its glorious crescendo with “Take A Bow” one couldn’t help but wonder whether this was in fact the greatest show in the universe.

OWEN GROVES

>30

> music: album and single reviews This is something that you can hear throughout the album. Their songs tend to start quietly with vocals and progress with drums, guitar and bass into a monumental build-up. 'Day Another Day', with its background shouting not unlike that of Arcade Fire, sounds like a real anthem. If you’re a fan of Clap Your Hands Say Yeah or A Silver Mount Zion, this band is definitely for you. Singer Adam Woolway’s voice has a raw quality to it, something that makes them stand out from your usual indie band. With so much going on and so many different sounds contributing, you would expect a chaotic result. Instead, Strange Death of Liberal England create a very sharp, very well-built set of songs, something that is refreshing in today’s world of indie music.

VERONIQUE WARD

Out Now

F

irst encountered, 'Icky Thump' sounds decidedly patchy. Like a pair of leather patches adorning the elbows of a college professor’s tweed jacket in a 1970s mid-western melodrama perhaps. However, further investigation reveals an intriguing, albeit flawed, effort that resembles less a pair of leather patches adorning the elbows of a college professor’s tweed jacket in a 1970s midwestern melodrama and more a ramshackle cabbage patch; in certain areas rich and fresh, enjoying the bloom of early spring, in other places casually wilting under the unexpectedly

Pigeon Detectives

'Wait For Me' Out Now

T

✰✰✰✰✰

strong sunshine of late autumn.

The opening title track sets the tone. An oddly over-egged riff initially sounds wankier than a schoolboy’s bed sheets.

Mercifully, like the Wallasey Town Hall Band’s ‘Greatest Hits’ compilation, it proves a real grower.

Indeed, Icky Thump throws up myriad surprises along the way, mostly over your new slippers. ‘Rag and Bone’, for instance, is great fun, akin to the playful blues of the earlier White Blood Cells whilst an inspired version of ‘Conquest’ resembles a bat out of hell being splattered against a wall by a Rabies-ridden five year-old coming down from

his mother’s stash of medicinal Methadone. However, like this dreadfully written review, Icky Thump would benefit from a more pronounced focus. ‘Effect and Cause’ packs less meat than a vegetarian supper whilst ‘St. Andrew’ is a misguided throb of bag-piping bombast.

A worthwhile work that refuses to peg itself down, Icky Thump is at least a worthwhile work, never getting pegged down by audience expectations. Not a masterpiece then, but certainly a masterful piece. It’s certainly worth your while but bring your own pegs.

have his sensitive side though; 'I Found Out' is a heart-on-its-sleeve tale of unrequited love delivered with both raw passion and emotion.

Whilst there is nothing special about their sound and their simplistic songs will neither save the world nor bring down a government, they do have a stripped down accessibility that some bands spend their entire careers striving to attain. If you’re looking for eloquent social commentary then look elsewhere, but if contagious anthems that will g e t

you singing to the top of your lungs is your thing, then look no further than Pigeon Detectivesnobody does it better.

OWEN GROVES

he Indie scene can seem a bit of a monochromatic mess at times, with little identity or originality. There are some shining lights to be found however, one of these being Leeds quintet Pigeon Detectives with their debut album 'Wait For Me'. Once likened to the Undertones

by Steve Lamacq, the band evidently thrives on raw energy.

Following swiftly on the heels of three top 40 singles, with song after song of dance-floor friendly rock (each with a hook catchier than bird flu), this little Indie sapling is set to grow into a giant rock redwood.

Love is the recurring theme and is tackled in a refreshingly unsentimental way. The cheeky 'You Know I Love You' is a sleaze rock anthem, while 'Take Her Back', with its tale of picking up a girl in a club, is almost as filthy [The Pigeon Detectives: looking slightly and will take residence bemused, rather like pigeons do] in your head for days.

Frontman and lyricist, Matt Bowman, does

JACK MCCRACK

✰✰✰✰✰ The Strange Death of Liberal England 'Forward March!'

09/07/07

I’m not usually a fan of post-rock: fifteen minute long songs using just three chords, seems like a bit of a waste of time. So when a friend exclaimed “Oh, The Strange Death of Liberal England is an awesome post-rock band!”

I was dubious. But they are so much more than just post-rock; their MySpace classes them as “Indie/Experimental/ Folk” and these genres mix well together in 'Forward March'. Each song seems to fit into one particular genre, but brings in elements of the others throughout, creating a steady mix of styles and sounds. Example: 'An Old Fashioned War'. Very folky to begin with, but with a second guitar tremolo picking in the background adding a more haunting effect, making the song far more interesting.

Katie Jacobs Passenger 'Do What You Like'

02/07/07

Attack and Defend

Oh, unrequited love: the staple of teenage lyricists and indie bands.

Without it they would all wither and die, or, you know, actually be happy, and we couldn’t have that. It’s lucky then that Passenger have gone for the frantic electronic beats version of this particular heartbreak, because if this was a one-manand-his-guitar deal, I’d have no patience with them, and pray that they remain virgins forever. As this is pretty darn catchy however, I hope they’re all getting laid. By supermodels. Right now.

'Make' 09/07/07

'Mer du Japon'

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The White Stripes: 'Icky Thump'

new singles by...

Air

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he signs were not looking promising for this album.

A quick glance at Attack + Defend’s website reveals that the vast majority of their gigs have been in tiny clubs in Wales – which make Fibbers look like an arena in comparison – and they consider themselves to be ‘country-tinged electro-indie disco’, never a promising prospect. But everyone’s got to start somewhere, and in the interests of journalistic integrity, I tried to listen to their début album with an open mind and attempted to forget about the fact that they list ‘the moon, year 3096’ as an upcoming gig date. Sadly, it was just as bad as I feared.

It’s not even as if it’s a noisy mess of haphazard melodies and tuneless guitars – that at least would be somewhat interesting and would fit in with the forced eccentricity of tracks with titles such as ‘Garibaldi’ (the idea of writing an ode to a biscuit is rather appealing) and ‘How To Build A Boat’ (which, rather disappointingly, doesn’t teach you how to build a boat). Instead, it’s just dull, the singer’s voice leads much to be desired, and there is little to distinguish one track from another.

It’s not all bad: at least they have some originality, instead of sounding like every other band out there. The potential is there, as long as they ditch the Hammond organ and invest in some singing lessons. However, they need to put in a lot of work, as there is nothing about this album that makes it stand out.

NICOLA SARD

✰✰✰✰✰ Hola Vision readers!

Love the section? Hate it?

E-mail thoughts and comments to music@vision. york.ac.uk and we'll talk all things musical. Yeehaw!

Out Now

It is entirely possible that Air are on a mission for world domination with this new single. The simple fact is that is virtually impossible to do anything else whilst listening to it as their electronic pop and chilled out beats wash over you. It’s an invasive little number (if entirely like everything else they’ve ever done), and no mistake. And, if you play it backwards, it contains a subliminal message telling you to eat more cheese. Fact.

Paper Tigers 'Damaged Goods'

09/07/07

Paper Tigers spell their name pAPeR TigERs, but frankly, I’m too lazy to work with this kerazee lower/upper case thing, and also, I think it may be a not-so-clever ploy to make us not notice the fact that their debut single ‘Damaged Goods’ is boring and uninspired. Or should that be BoRIng and UNInsPIreD? A lazy effort at a debut single. Must try HaRdER.

Plastic Toys 'Let Me Feel The Love' 16/07/07 How I wish I could feel the love. Instead all I feel is anger.

Anger and confusion that I allowed this record to abuse my ears for 3 minutes and 18 seconds. It was like being bullied by men in skin tight leathers with enormous hair and glittery make-up: it shouldn’t really happen, but it did, and now I may well need counselling. But I guess that’s glam rock for you.

> film

> 31

l a i c e Sp

Sophie Wright is on The Scene at the IIFA Awards...

W

orld famous film stars blinded the crowd with their smiles.

Hordes of screaming fans jostled each other to get as close as possible to their idols.

Television crews and paparazzi photographers were out on force. There was glitz. There was glamour. And there was us.

Not quite so glitzy, not quite so glamorous, but on The Scene nevertheless, and ready to report on one of the biggest events in the filming calendar.

Forget the Oscars.

Forget the Golden Globe Awards.

Our behind the scenes access to the International Indian Film Academy (IIFA) Awards earlier this month proved it is Bollywood, not Hollywood, that hosts the most exciting awards ceremony of the year. Whilst America’s film events have suffered from slumping viewing figures in recent years, the IIFA Awards have gone only from strength to strength since the first ceremony was staged in 2000; adding to their itinerary more and more exciting events, and drawing in an ever-greater number of viewers from across the globe. This y e a r ’ s extravaganza attracted over 500 million viewers worldwide, and the weekend was so crammed with (includevents ing premiers, previews, music, dance, drama, exhibitions, polo matches, a celebrity cricket match, and powerboat racing, as well as the awards ceremony itself) that even after three intense days of star spotting we had only m a n aged to experience a fraction of the festivities.

Given the eminence and global audience of this star-studded awards ceremony, you might think we would have had to travel a million miles to experience it. Think again. This years IIFA Awards took place in Yorkshire. Yes, Yorkshire.

Gone are the days, it seems, when the name of this county conjured up images only of Betty's, tea, and blue rinses. It was apparently ‘love at first sight’, as the promotional material and videos Leeds City Council bombarded the media

WATER Director: Deepa Mehta Starring: Sarala, John Abraham, Lisa Ray Cert: PG

A

widow should be long suffering until death, self-restrained and chaste” say the Laws of Manu, one of the most sacred edicts in the Hindu canon. So begins ‘Water’, the final installment in a trilogy by Deepa Mehta, a director steeped in controversy since her 1996 feature ‘Fire’ became the first film ever to depict lesbianism in India. The genesis of Water has been no less problematic.

Originally shot in India in

with at the press conference put it, when Bollywood happened upon Yorkshire. And if the county gets its way (almost inevitable given the extent to which it hyped itself up throughout the awards), we will be seeing a lot more it on the big screen in the near future.

So we hadn’t travelled far.

But from the moment we waved our media passes at the mass of bouncers guarding the ceremony and strolled into Leeds City Town Hall for first event of the IIFA weekend, we were catapulted into another world - a world buzzing with action, celebrities, and VIPs. We began by watching the stars as they graced the green carpet (that this carpet was green and not red was not the result of an unfortunate colour-blind related mishap, but because this years IIFA awards had gone green, supporting the climate change tackling organisation Global Cool). Winner o f this

this county as host to the awards, hyping up Yorkshire as a worldclass centre for tourism, culture and film. Global Cool also had their say, stressing the devistating consequences in India in particular, if we do not act now to cull the effects of global warming. Towards the end of the conference, Shetty was invited to join the organisers on stage where she reinterated the exciting expansion of Indian Cinema in the past few years, and invited us to enjoy the weekend. The press conference drew to a close with a Shetty being presented with a bouquet of flowers, and Bachchan, somewhat bizarrely, receiving an inscribed shepherds crook as a gift from Yorkshire.

After the press conference, we were treated to a delicious meal courtesy of restaurant group Aagrar, and scmoozed shoulder to shoulder with journalists from Channel Four and Sky News.

Later we attended media brief-

year’s controversial Celebrity Big Brother Shilpa Shetty attracted the most attention from the paparazzi, with cameras swooping in at her from every angle, whilst Amitabh Bachchan, an exactor, one of the organisers of the event, and a man considered as the veritable King of Bollywood, produced perhaps the loudest screams from the crowd.

Next came the press conference, hosted by key sponsors and organisers of the weekend.

Bachchan made the first announcement, and began by stressing the progress that Indian cinema had made since the the first IIFA Awards.

Chairman of the Yorkshire Tourist Board Judith Donovan went on to state the reasons for the choice of

ings for Apne and Partner , two major Bollywood films due to open soon.

The following day was just as action-packed, with exhibitions, film workshops, media briefings, and premieres occuring in both Leeds and Bradford. We attended Headingley Stadium for perhaps the second biggest event of the weekend: the IFFA Foundation Celebrity Cricket Match. Sponsored by wireless telephone company IDEA, this game saw some of the biggest names in Bollywood battle it out against a Yorkshire team of celebrities for cricketing supremacy. The Indian team boasted the presense of A-listers Kapil Dev, Sohail Khan,

2000, the film’s production was halted when Hindu fundamentalists began rioting on set and was only resumed four years later, when it was re-shot with a new cast in Sri Lanka.

What makes ‘Water’ so controversial is its reclamation of the marginalized narratives of India’s widows, an underclass of women ousted from their homes and forced to live in isolated ‘ashrams’.

The plight of these women is brought to life by the disarming sweetness of Chuihya (Sarala), a chubby child-bride condemned to widowhood before she is aware of her marriage. Forced to shave her hair and wear only white linen so as to be easily differentiated from higher-caste women, Chuihya is saved by

her friendship with the beautiful, rebellious Kalyani (Lisa Ray). The main thrust of the narrative follows the nascent romance between Kalyani and Narayan (John Abraham), a liberal-thinking graduate versed in the teachings of Ghandi whose love drives him to challenge the traditions by which the widows are subjugated. The film’s leitmotif is, predictably, water and its action is dominated by the Ganges, which both literalises the gulf between the lovers (Narayan, a Brahmin, lives on the other side of the river) and provides a staple in the widows’ lives - a place to bathe, pray and die.

Mehta’s direction is graceful, with lingering shots and measured sequences that capture both the sublime beau-

and Abhishek Bachchan, whilst the Yorkshire team included Greg Wise, former England cricketer Phillip Defreitas, and Nick Knowles.

Spectators were treated to popular Indian and British Asian music acts and dancing, and the mass of drums, whistles, trumpets and flags in the crowds created a carnival atmosphere. A plane carrying the message ‘Happy Birthday Shilpa Shetty’ hovered overhead just as the match started, and when the actress appeared on the pitch to begin the game, she was again the subject of much media attention.

Unsurprisingly, the Indian team won. Whilst, the Yorkshire team scored 142 in 20 overs, the Indian team claimed a victory of 143 in just 7 overs.

The third day, the day of the awards ceremony itself, was the climax of the weekend. Activities took place all over Yorkshire to mark the occasion, including a Mela carnival in Wakefield, a polo match in Beverley, a ‘Bollywood in the Park’ event in Leeds, and premieres and previews taking place all day in Bradford. The awards ceremony, held at Sheffield Hallam Arena, did not disappoint.

Bollywood's biggest stars graced the green carpet.

There was music. There was dancing.

There was a multitude of gracious acceptance speeches.

Perhaps the biggest surprise of the evening was when Shetty won an award for the way in which she conducted herself throughout the 'Big Brother' race row.

The IIFA Awards were amazing, not just for the spectacle of the events themselves, but also because the breadth of exciting activities taking place all weekend ensured that the broader population, and not just the elite, could enjoy the festivities. And, for this, the weekend deserves to be held up as an example to filming events across the globe.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE IIFA AWARDS...

2000 - The IIFA movement was born. A onenight ceremony celebrating Indian Cinema at the Millennium Dome dazzled the world. Jackie Chan, Angelina Jolie and Kylie Minogue attended.

2001 - The ceremony was held in Sun City, South Africa.

The first ever IIFA World Premiere took place with Lagaan, a film that went on to be nominated at the Oscars for the Best Foreign Language Film.

2002 - The first ever IIFA Forum took place as part of the 2002 celebrations in Malaysia.

2003 A celebrity cricket match was included in these awards in Johannesburg.

It would be the first of many.

2004 - Over 450 stars, celebrities, cricketers, industrialists and government leaders were present at the threeday awards 2004 ceremony in Singapore.

2006 - Over 10,000 people attended the IIFA Weekend in Dubai.

WHO WON WHAT? Winners of the weekend's most prestigious awards...

Best Film: Rang De Basanti

Photos by Rebecca Short

ty of the landscape and the stifling monotony of ashram life. Sarala provides the film with energy and facilitates movement between its various subplots, whilst Ray is compelling as Kulyani, implying the stifling power of the religious and cultural dictates that bind her. The romance plot is cliched, but its melodrama is balanced by the realism of the widows’ plight and by the dark underside of Kulyani’s story. Whilst the film’s ending is somewhat contrived, relying on a vague sense of liberation implied by the presence of Ghandi, its overall message remains

both powerful and politically pertinent.

CHLOE RODDICK

✰✰✰✰✰

Best Actor: Hrithik Roshan - Krrish

Best Actress: Rani Mukherjee Kabhi Alvida

Best Director Rakeysh Omprakash Mehra - Rang

> film: reviews

HARRY FLIES AGAIN

Charlotte Chung gets a sneaky peak at the screening of the eagerly anticipated ‘Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix’.

HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX Dir: David Yates Starring: Daniel Radcliff, Michael Gambon, Robbie Coltrane Cert: TBC Running Time: 138 mins

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fter scouring and scrambling to find a suitable place to seat myself in the huge theatre packed full of excited kids, I prepared myself for what would hopefully be a couple of hours of magical delight (pun intended). Soon enough the infamous theme tune of Harry Potter blasted from the screen and it became quite clear right from the opening scene that this film would, like the previous two films, take a much darker and scarier approach.

I won’t waste space by explaining the basic plot line of the film as sales of the book speak for itself. However, with most book-to-film cases, not having read the book may work in your favour as there is a much smaller percentage of being disappointed. Luckily, I am not a purist on this matter, and the significant improvements of the previous two films prove that Harry Potter films can be good in their own right, whilst retaining the essence of the

books. Unfortunately, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix does not quite cut the mustard.

Being the longest and might I add wrist breaking heaviest of the all the Harry Potter instalments so far, (I’m expecting the seventh to be a back breaker), the film did well to hammer out a smooth running and succinct plotline which retained an element of suspense throughout, keeping your eyes peeled and you on the edge of your seat.

However, keeping the film trim and flowing meant that many of the scenes were quickly over with and seemed bare from the lack of detail in the characters, action sequences, and dialogue. Important rela-

tionships and scenes could have been fleshed out. For example, the ‘will they wont they’ cringe worthy relationship (the ‘snog’ was just that tad bit too long) between Harry and his crush Cho Chang, along with the concluding scenes where revelations about Harry’s future were meant to be characteristically pondered over, were left unresolved and in the air.

This gave the whole film an almost vacuous and uneventful feel which became particularly annoying with the abrupt ending. What should have been an epic battle at the end, constantly shifting between dramatic one on one fight scenes between the evil twisted minions of ‘you know who’, and the Hogwarts underdogs, was overshadowed

[Harry Potter 5: Teenage angst ago-go]

by a crazy smoke stream of special effects and over within minutes. The growing suspense simply dribbled away, and we were left with your usual scene of Harry Potter whining on a hard surface. Speaking of whining, teenage angst is at an all time high in this one.

However, the gems of the film can be found in the new characters which were introduced, namely the sickly sweet and despicable professor Umbridge played to a ‘T’, with a schoolgirl giggle and a smile full of malice by Imelda Staunton, who I hope liked the colour pink. The character of Luna Lovegood was also well utilised in the film as an almost kindred spirit of Potter, and Evanna Lynch is convincing as the loopy, really ‘not quite all there’, wide-eyed girl.

Just short of the adrenaline rushing, darkly exciting film alluded to by its trailer, it was never-the-less packed full of special effects to keep your eyes glued to the screen; this was a good attempt which just missed the mark and left you wanting more. Lastly, a word of warning about the new improved buffer Harry Potter, obviously, Daniel Radcliff ’s naked romping around the West End stage has produced a Potter more of us can get our teeth into, (if you like that sort of wizard geek chic that is).

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GET OUT OF MY SWAMP SHREK THE THIRD Dir: Chris Millar, Raman Hui Starring: Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy Cert: PG Running Time: 137 mins

I

went into film with a sense of trepidation, and an enormous bag of Haribo. Haribo because my girlfriend is lovely, and trepidation because Shrek The Third had the potential to display

t h i s

the same law of diminishing returns common to many summer franchises, after all, Shrek Two was not as good as the first. Though undoubtedly this third episode offers more of the same, it is certainly better than the last outing.

At this point, it is customary to give a brief outline of the plot, though for this film this is something of a problem because there isn’t one.

Apparently Shrek (voiced by Mike Myers, who seems to have cut down on the Skoh-tesh shtick) has to go on some sort of quest in search of a young, scruffy haired lad that sounds a bit like Frankie

Munitz, but is in fact voiced by Justin Timberlake.

Cameron Diaz is also in

the film, though I don’t really understand why her character and JT’s don’t spend more time talking to each other. Maybe I should read Heat more often.

Puss in Boots and Donkey return as the witty sidekicks, though lamentably seem to have less screen presence than in previous films. Julie Andrews, John Cleese and Eric Idle provide the home-grown talent. Unfortunately the lack of plot gives a sense of uneasiness to the film, waiting for it to get going coupled with a rather abrupt ending to the third act detracted from some extremely funny script writing.

The undoubted star of the film though is the CGI, which has been cranked up another notch.

The producers are evidently extremely pleased with ‘fire’ which makes several appearances in the first few minutes of the film, and ‘wavy grass’ appears constantly. Sometimes it’s grey, doubling up as fur, but ssssh. The attention to detail is phenomenal, masonry is weathered, and more witty punning is seen in background signage, ‘Abercrombie and Witch’ and ‘Versarchery’ are noticeable examples. Also memorable is a visually stunning play on Rosemary’s Baby, involving countless baby ogres, which provide a stunning visual feast, albeit snot coloured.

Shrek and his producers are growing up, and introduced to the humour is some knowing observations of family

life, though for this reviewer it was the puerile and scatological jokes that made the film, the gum-drop shitting Gingerbread Man is extremely funny, though it is once again the quality of the writing slips some rather risqué jokes past the censors.

At times the writing leaves a little to be desired, and Shrek the Third, with a couple of dire monologues falls into some of the same traps that it sets up for other (that is to say Disney) fairy tale flicks.

The film is rather akin to ronsil in as much as it does what it says on the tin: the soundtrack is once again a pleasing if instantly forgettable mix of classic rock, funk, and poppunk; and the ending is as such that Shrek 4 can be produced as a film in its own right. Shrek the Third, though offering little new to the genre, provides excellent Sunday teatime fare, it is at times very funny, visually impressive, and good fun, for both grown ups and the child target audience, whom incidentally should not be let into cinema.

ANDREW LATHAM

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FANTASTIC FOUR RISE OF THE SILVER SURFER Director: Tim Story Starring: Jessica Alba, Ioan Gruffudd Cert: PG

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ttempting to write four hundred words on Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer is akin to a trip to the seaside in midJanuary; fruitless. After all, I can review it in four: Don’t See This Film. Or, better still, one: Rubbish. Adaptations of comic books typically fall into two categories; those that stumble at the first hurdle, refusing to add anything new to an existing product, and those superior efforts that take the source material and run with it, furthering the mythology and characterisation of the original comic strip. Sadly, the sequel to 2005’s Fantastic Four comes under the former heading. Gaudy, hollow and thrillfree, it’s an entirely pointless experience that would fail to excite the most susceptible of six year-olds.

The narrative of the original F4 movie was, let’s be honest,

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> 32

Gaudy, hollow and thrill-free, it’s an entirely pointless experience

not exactly Shakespearean in its sweep. However, The Rise of the Silver Surfer is impressively drab. It’s a shame to see Mark Frost’s name attached to the screenplay. Once intricately plotting the death of Laura Palmer in David Lynch’s Twin Peaks, Frost appears content slumming it these days with the director of Taxi and Barbershop. The story sees evil genius Galactus sight Earth as his next target for destruction, chaos and domination.

Because he’s clearly a busy man, Galactus sends his lackey, The Silver Surfer (played by Norrin Radd) to wreak havoc upon an unsuspecting world. Mercifully the Fantastic Four are on hand to save the day until, that is, everybody’s second favourite murderous GP, Doctor Doom (Julian McMahon) returns from a two year exile to cause a bit more damage. Complex stuff, I know, but do try and keep up.

Clearly, lambasting The Rise of the Silver Surfer for lazily playing up to blockbuster expectations is like chiding Hitler for being a little too aggressive.

However, Tim Story’s direction is uninventive, often strangely leaden, whilst the specialeffects come cheap and the acting cheaper. True, the prospect of Jessica Alba in latex may send frothy-mouthed teenage boys galloping to the local multiplex. However, even the frequent sight of this scantily clad Barbie doll will fail to alleviate their boredom. The Rise of the Silver Surfer doesn’t even have the decency to be so bad it’s good. It’s merely tedious, drab when it should be expressive, lax when it should be inventive.

It’s yet another missed opportunit for Marvel Comics.

✰✰✰✰✰ DAN SMITH

> tv

> 33

teleVISION

Double Vision

As Week Ten flops down upon us like some kind of giant wilting penis it is comforting to see Big Brother 8 is still going strong and proving as entertaining as ever. Rick Webb is still watching…

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his series of Big Brother has been intriguing to say the least, what with the femaleonly housemates in the first week, the racist fuelled ejection of Emily, and recently the £100,000 prize pot going to newcomer Liam as chosen by the three up for eviction that week. However the really fascinating part of this year’s Big Bro (at least in my twisted little world) has been the multitude of conspiracy theories a s s o c i at ed with m a n y of the house-

mates.

Firstly there is Ziggy, an ex boyband member and male model who upon entering the house acted in such a way (getting together with Chanelle, riling up several key arguments etc) it seemed certain he was a plant put in to stir things up. Things got even more suspicious when characters such as Billi and Brian entered the house, the main concern with the latter is that he claims to be only 19 when in truth he looks at least 43! Billi on the other hand looks his age but claims to be a model when really he just looks like the most average of guys but with straitened hair and stupid hats.

All of these conspiracies however, pale in comparison next to the ridiculously complex and mindbending question mark that is; The Twins. The b i g -

[Big Brother's Samanda: It's life, Jim, but not as we know it]

gest revelation of Big Brother 8 so far is that the two blonde, pink loving, giggling, elfish sisters actually go to university! Just what does that say about your degree? Just what does that say about modern university life in general or society as we see it today? Probably a shitload of stuff.

But let's just hang on a second, hold the goddam phone… maybe this is all just a bit too presumptuous and in reality the Twins are in fact more than they seem, they’re probably studying Latin and Quantum Physics at Cambridge.

Or maybe they are really extraterrestrials, sent down to investigate Earth t h r o u g h the isolation of the Big Brother house, and really there is only one of them, the other is a mental projection used to fool us and forget just

how incredibly suspicious they are. They certainly have a weird, otherworldy way about them and they look like they could be the love-children of Kylie Minogue and an ant.

Fascinatingly, new housemate Jonathon (the millionaire) seems to have figured everything out in the house despite having been there for just over a week. Already he has confronted the Twins, telling them he knows that there naivety is all just an act and that together they have created a very clever marketing ploy. The Twins, ingeniously, responded with: “What’s a margleting toy?”

Nevertheless the millionaire had made a brave and quite outrageous assumption, and god bless him for that cos it made for some darn good tele viewing. By accusing the Twins of faking thickness for the cameras he has become like some kind of Big Brother Poirot, what will he do next; accuse Carole of secretly murdering Lesley and blame Tracey for brainwashing Emily into making racist comments to Charley? It’s only a matter of time before he figures out that the 19 year old Brian is really a middle aged terrorist plotting to blow the BB house to pieces live on eviction night. Well, we can live in hope.

York on BBBM

Just a quick nod of appreciation needs to be made to the University of York debating society. They did us all proud by appearing on Big Brother's Big mouth and achieving the considerable feat of being mocked by George Galloway, a man who pretended to slurp invisible milk from an ageing woman’s crotch. Thank you debating society, for making this little university even more open to ridicule. York is n o w

officially the most uncool uni in the UK,

excel-

lent.

R.I. Spiggin .P (commemorating another controversial aussie-stingray related death) For some of us, it’s now the end of a long and emotional degree and helping many of us along this wild and wonderful journey was a certain young Neighbour who went from annoying little twat to lovable rogue in the space of three cake-taking years. James Beech pays homage to the greatest hufta of them all…

Y

oung Scott Timmons, known affectionately as Stingray to his friends (until of course the nickname was

ditched for sensitivity reasons relating to the death of beloved crocodile abuser Steve Irwin), died suddenly on May 30th 2007 of an aner…anurism…or something like that.

Coming from the town of Colac, he arrived in Ramsay Street in 2004 having been caught streaking at a footie match by rookie police officer Stuart “Pahka”. As the previously never talked about cousin of Toadie Rebecchi, Scot was taken in by number 30 or the ‘house of trouser’ where he lived on a diet of fish fingers and skateboard stunts.

Establishing that Scott was clearly mental, resident know-it-all Doctor Karl Kennedy diagnosed him with ADHD, suggesting that he be weaned off the fish fingers.

In his time at Ramsay Street,

Stingray went through a number of romances, first falling in love with snobby waif Serena Bishop.

After a number of failed attempts to woo her (with hilarious consequences), Stingray finally mustered up the courage to ask Serena out with the words ‘my frog wants to talk to your frog’. An inevitable romance ensued, but things were never simple for Stingray and Serena and they finally broke up after a delusional Boyd claimed that he and Serena had ‘shared a moment’.

Stingray also had a brief fling with totally bogan chick Shazza but it was never to last and he went a while without love until a young Rachel Kinski appeared on the street. Their friendship flourished and a somewhat controversial relationship developed under the nose of Susan. Susan’s ninja qualities however enabled her to sniff out the relationship and it eventually ended with the age difference becoming too much of an issue.

Meanwhile, Stingray’s relationship with Sky Mangle was also taking on a new dimension, and amidst controversy surrounding whether Sky’s baby, Kerry, was Stingray’s or Dillon’s (with dramatic consequences) they got together and proved to be the perfect odd couple.

Stingray ended his life in Ramsay Street a hero saving Kerry, his niece and girlfriend’s daughter’s life from leukaemia, with a bone marrow transplant. In death he will be an example to all of us of how someone can come from the trailer parks of Colac with a fish finger addiction to become a model cake-taker.

He will of course be remembered for lighting up our lives with words and phrases such as spiggin’, hockey puck and hufta (he also managed to get away with swearwords such as ‘nob’ and ‘tosser’ an impressive three hours before the watershed!) to name just a few, whilst nobody can forget his stint as a glamorous go-go boy

courier.

Scott ‘Stingray’ Timmons will be a great loss to all of us, rest in peace you spiggin’ hufta, rest in peace. And yes, as a real man I am willing to admit that I shed a tear for Stingray and I urge you all to not bottle it up, it will only make it worse in the long run.

SCOTT 'STINGRAY' TIMMONS 1987 - 2007 GONE, BUT NOT FORGOTTEN

> culture: interview

> 34

The Women are Coming Sophie Davies and Cheryl Gallacher take at look at women's role in theatre in the twenty first century. day, the amount of female artistic directors in Britain had barely increased and today stands at a mere 19%. Yet some of the best theatres are managed by women.

Take Gemma Bodinetz, (aka the “saviour” of the Liverpool Everyman and Playhouse Theatres). Since 2003 the theatres

“

The amount of female artistic directors in Britain today stands at a mere 19%

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he theatre world has been doused in cold water and slapped across the face thanks to Nicholas Hytner, as the “dead white men in the critic’s chair” have been forced to wake-up and engage in a war of words. This comes after the director of the National Theatre recently remarked to The Times that women in theatre are constantly the victims of misogyny on the part of older male critics. His words had a resounding effect and sparked much debate.

Michael Billington, a night after the article appeared in print was unfortunate enough to bump into Hytner in the Barbican car park. Hytner was keen to justify his comments further, “Look… our audience at the National is changing. But the critics are not changing with it. And that is a problem”. Billington dismissed Hytner in his online blog, saying his argument was “absurd” revealing a “certain naivety about the role of the critic”. Benedict Nightingale retorted that Hytner was an “ageist bigot” adding further that he considers Katie Mitchell and Deborah Warner to be “maybe our two finest British directors”.

Perhaps Hytner’s words were a bit harsh, though he has a point, and the problem surrounding the role of women in theatre is one not to be ignored.

The statistics speak for themselves: Lyn Gardner reported that between 1984 and the present

have been turned around, producing their own work (such as the hugely successful Unprotected) written by local playwrights, over half of which, are women.

But women are underrepresented, and it is fair to say a fair few do come under close scrutiny from male critics. Women like Emma Rice, whose adaptation of 'A Matter of Life and Death' has been far from warmly received. Rice, Artistic Director of Kneehigh has directed arguably one of the best pieces of theatre in recent history (Carl Grose and Anna Maria Murphy’s adaptation of The Bacchae in 2004).

Her more recent offerings with Kneehigh, however, have repeatedly failed recreate the critical success The Bacchae achieved.

Katie Mitchell’s recent interpretation of Attempts on Her Life by Martin Crimp played at the National two months ago. It disappointed some, frustrated others, and (unsurprisingly) outraged the Daily Mail. Quentin Letts, moaned “the audience put up with two hours of debasing trash… any society which can endure such fare without shouting ‘rot’ and angrily demanding a refund is a society in severe decay, a society which will take forcefeeding like a tethered French duck.” Such a slamming verdict is the kind of review Hytner is talking about. Indeed, most of the reviews for Attempts were dissatisfied with Mitchell’s narrow, media orientated interpretation of a work of moral rage. Is it misogyny? Or fair comment?

Either way, it does seem the male critics in this case condemn with considerable ease.

Yet who could forget Mike Leigh’s Two Thousand Years, performed a year ago to critical acclaim in the same space as Attempts? Leigh’s archetypal middle-class ‘funny-sad family saga’, featured Ikea furniture, Guardian readers and discussions about the Israel-Palestine conflict for good measure. In short, it was typical middle-class, crowd pleasing theatre - a far cry from the innovativeness and sheer inventiveness demonstrated by Mitchell and her effortless ability to integrate technology into the ancient art of theatre.

With Arts funding feared to be fewer in the next decade due to the 2012 Olympics, and the inevitable rise of theatre tickets, her theatre appeals to a younger generation, even the excited theatregoer who does not always expect good old gritty traditionalism.

Thanks to Hynter and his £10 ticket scheme, young people have been flooding into the National.

Theatre is evolving and as Lyn Garder wrote “the women are coming.” Perhaps it is time critics moved with the times too, as the theatre continues to reach out to new audiences.

[Emma Rice: Artistic Director of Kneehigh Theatre has been not been warmly received, coming under close scrutiny from male critics]

A taste of things to come...

Theatre Royal brings the Birmingham Royal Ballet to York later this week.

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ne of Britain’s leading ballet companies, Birmingham Royal Ballet, will be returning to the York Theatre Royal on 29th June. The Birmingham Royal Ballet, formerly known as Sadler’s Wells Royal Ballet first moved to the Birmingham Hippodrome in 1990, where new facilities now include the renowned Jerwood Centre for the Prevention and Treatment of Dance injuries and the Patrick Centre, a studio for developing and presenting new work.

With successful tours both nationally and internationally, most recently to the USA, Hong Kong and South Africa, the Ballet will be splitting in two this month with half the Company touring venues across the North East and

the other half touring the South West. Both Companies will be accompanied by half the Royal Ballet Sinfonia, the renowned orchestra of Birmingham Royal Ballet. After a popular performance last year, Birmingham Royal Ballet promises that the Company ‘will present an exciting mixed programme including a brand new ballet Small Worlds, choreographed by BRB dancer Kit Holder. They lead the world in the creation of a new and innovative popular ballets, choreographed by a host of international choreographers and by artistic director, David Bintley’.

CHARLOTTE BILSLAND

Tickets are priced at £5.00 for students.

Tickets can be purchases at the York Theatre Royal Box Office or by calling 01904 623568.

Bouncers 30th anniversary performance at York Theatre Royal.

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taying in York over Summer?

York Theatre Royal will be playing host to Bouncers, a revival of John Godber’s play (author of Up ‘n’ Under, Teechers and Salt of the Earth), last performed in 1998. However, thanks to the playwright, who is also artistic director of Hull Truck Theatre, the play has undergone a ‘remix,’ bringing it bang up to date for a 2007 audience. It is an hilarious take on Northern night life; a cocktail of “lads and lasses”, dancing, drinking, music and disco lights. It is a clever portrayal of contemporary British Culture - a modern day classic not to be missed. The production is set to have a strong cast, such as Davood Ghadmi (East is East, Spooks) and Nick Figgis

who you might have seen in York Theatre Royal’s recent production of Wuthering Heights.

Bouncers runs from Thursday 12th July - Saturday 4th August Tickets are £5 for students.

Visit the website (www. yorktheatreroyal.co.uk) or the Facebook group (Supporters of York Theatre Royal) for more info

> culture

> 35

Be Our Guest

Charlotte Bilsland interviews musical actor Ben Harlow about his role in Grand Opera House's production of Disney's classic 'Beauty and the Beast'

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he smash hit West End Musical 'Beauty and the Beast' comes to the Grand Opera House, York this month.

For those of you unfamiliar with the Oscar winning Disney film from which the stage show is adapted, this classic love story tells the tale of Belle, a young French girl and the Beast, a young prince transformed into a monster under an evil enchantress’ spell. The curse can only be broken when the Beast can learn to truly love and be loved in return. As a hardcore (and proud) Disney fanatic - I tell no lies, I do know the entire 'Little Mermaid' script word for word, including facial expressions and musical interludes - and with this particular Disney classic being a particular favourite of mine, I had a quick chat with Ben Harlow, who plays baddy Gaston, about why we should give our DVD players a break and come see the theatre version instead.

Beauty and the Beast will be running at the Grand Opera House, York, until Saturday 30th June.

Performances at 2.30pm and 7.30pm Tickets £15.50, £21.50, £24.50, £27.50

Seen by over 25 million people and nominated for nine Tony awards including Best Musical, the production has enjoyed mammoth runs in New York, Los Angeles, Toronto, Sydney. Tokyo and London’s West End and it seems that despite already running for three months, the show still shows no signs of declining in popularity. ‘The tour's going really great’ Ben tells me, ‘Really great fun. We even managed to be in Cork on the day of St, Patrick’s celebrations, so the audience was fantastic then’. Apparently the crowds aren’t simply primary school children either, ‘obviously it’s a really good family show but there is definitely a good amount of the old adult slapstick humour to keep older audiences entertained’.

Ben will be staring alongside Matthew Cammelle as the Beast and Ashley Oliver as Belle, all of whom have wide experience of musical theatre. Ben has played a number of varied roles in his career including Sam Carmicheal in the ABBA musical, 'Mamma Mia!', A-Rab in 'West Side Story' and a part as the butler in 'Joseph and his Technicolour Dream Coat'. With the recent conclusion of BBC One’s ‘Any Dream Will Do’, I’m interested to see what professionals in musical theatre make of shows such as this allowing untrained performers the chance to perform on stage.

‘A lot of people poo-poo shows like that, but personally I think it’s great. Ultimately, they are providing a lot of work for my peers. What’s lovely about Lee [winner of ‘Any Dream Will Do’] is that he is such a nice grounded guy. And you know he is going to be entirely professional and go

[Ben shows off his curry-proof costume in rehersals] into the show knowing what to expect’.

Considering this is the second time Ben has played the role of Gaston, clearly he too knows what to expect from his character. With the particular appeal for Ben lying in Gaston’s role as the ‘bad guy’, ‘It’s a real challenge because it’s quite light hearted in the first act but then by the end of the second act it has become quite dark and twisted’. This naturally leads me onto a question about his costume, for those of you who haven’t seen the film, Gaston is, for want of a better

Phan-tastic

word, ‘built’, (the words ‘rippling pecs’ were definitely mentioned at this point), needless to say, Ben describes the costumes as ‘great fun because we are all dress up as cartoon characters, but thank God it’s all built in costumes…all the pecs are built in, so I can afford a few currys!’.

This is not a stage show for those of you looking for an alternate or different adaption of the Disney classic. It does however promise to be colourful, exciting and fun, with particular attention and respect paid to the film version, ‘they have lifted the film

and put it on stage, so you can expect a lot of songs. Plus a few extra songs added by Tim Rice.

Basically, a replica of the film but more exciting’. The reason this musical is different is because it’s ‘a really good love story. It’s two and a half hours of escapism, where you’ll come out really enjoying it’.

Charlotte Bilsland is blown away by Andrew Lloyd Webber's classic West End staple The Phantom of the Opera in London Phantom of the Opera Her Majesty's Theatre 01/06/07

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n a quick visit home to London, I picked up tickets for The Phantom of the Opera on a whim, with little other knowledge about it than it being a favourite of my exhousemates and that a chandelier was involved. Now, I admit I haven’t seen many stage shows, but I’ve seen enough to know that one word can describe this one…phantastic!

Ok, Ok, naff pun I know but it really was brilliant. I don’t need to say much more to be honest. I almost wish I could think of something negative to say but

every price of literature written praising this show is absolutely true. First opening at Her Majesty’s Theatre on 9 October 1986, with Michael Crawford and Sarah Brightman in the leading roles, the show has now been playing for over twent y

years, with Earl Carpenter as the Phantom and Robyn North, one of two alternating women playing the part of Christine Daáe, taking the lead roles in this production.

Carpenter’s West End credits include Ed Parsley in the origin a l

company of The Witches of Eastwick at the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, the Beast in Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and the role of Courfeyrac in Les Misérables at the Palace Theatre. His performance as the Phantom was brilliant, filling all the criteria for mysterious and alluring eye candy despite not even seeing his face for most of the show.

My favourite of the performance however has to be Wendy Ferguson who played prima donna, Carlotta. If only for having the most extravagant costumes in the whole show. As for Robyn North…wow, does that girl have pipes! Download the music to hear just how high these people can sing!!! Which leads me to my only possible criticism I could possibly make about this show was that sometimes they sung SO high I simply couldn’t

hear what anyone was saying!

In short there simply isn’t enough good things I could say about this show. The costumes were beautiful, with the Masquerade scene being particularly colourful and fantastic. The props were spectacular, the music was exciting and the story itself, dark and moving. If anyone can get down to see this in the West End or on tour, do go. It really is brilliant and definitely worth the money.

["What do you mean it wasn't a masked ball?"]

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> 36

> books

Highland flings and literary things

Need a bit of a tartan top-up? How about the Edinburgh International Book Festival?

Naomi Lever goes Gaelic in the name of Vision...

Celtic shenanigans abound in the fortnight from the 11th to the 27th August: there’s a whisky tasting and a closing ceilidh, not to mention the crème de la crème of contemporary Scottish literary talent. Innovation as well as ancestry is celebrated: Margaret Atwood’s astounding invention, the LongPen is juxtaposed with one of the themes of the festival, a commemoration of the 200th anniversary of the Act of Union between Scotland and England. Since the other themes include a focus on China and on India, festival director Catherine Lockerbie could not be closer to the mark when she says that “Our celebration of books and all that they contain is one of the most international and enlivening on the planet.” Here are some of the highlights of the festival...

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Alice Munro: Live with Margaret Atwood Wed 15th, RBS Main Theatre, 8pm

A L Kennedy Mon 20th, 8.30pm, Sat 25th, 8.30pm ScottishPower Studio Theatre

Two of Canada’s literary heavyweights in discussion – although only one of them is actually at the festival. What? How? Aha. In a bizarre twist of innovation, Munro, despite speaking from across the Atlantic, will be able to sign autographs using Atwood’s cunning invention, the LongPen. Atwood will also be speaking about her work the day before at 11.30am, including her forthcoming collection of poems, The Door, which will undoubtedly feature her unique blend of scientific quirkiness and vivid, subversive imagery. Book early to avoid disappointment: both will sell like wildfire!

Undoubtedly one of Scotland’s finest new talents, Kennedy’s beautiful, startling prose is at odds with the gritty subjects she chooses – alcoholism, soldiers’ insecurities after World War Two, as in her latest novel, Day. She speaks twice at this festival, once about her new book, and later in the week in a comedy performance about the tribulations of a writer’s life. Trust me, you’ll struggle to find anything quite as simultaneously funny, moving and eloquent as Kennedy elsewhere.

Xiaolo Guo Sat 18th, Peppers 8.30pm

A colossus of contemporary literature, Harrison turns 70 this year – but don’t think for one moment that age has quietened his voice.

His fiercely political poetry is at once hilarious and unsettling: his polemic is imbued with a classical schooling and a class insecurity.

Bound to be riveting.

Theatre,

Chinese author Xiaolo Guo was Orange Prize shortlisted for her intelligent novel, A Concise ChineseEnglish Dictionary for Lovers, in which she slyly poked fun at the idiocies and obstacles of language barriers in relationships. A rising cross-cultural talent, she is definitely worth seeing.

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H

aggis, highlanders and Hari Kunzru. Kilts, ceilidhs and Kate Atkinson. Shortbread, scotch and Sven Lindqvist.

The twentyfourth Edinburgh International Book Festival manages to be both inherently Scottish and yet multicultural: with over 600 authors from over 40 countries, this year’s events are overwhelmingly diverse.

Edinburgh International Book Festival manages to be both inherently Scottish and yet multicultural.

Tony Harrison Thurs 23rd, RBS Main Theatre, 11.30am

Ian McEwan Fri 24th, RBS Main Theatre, 11.30am Chaired by Ian Rankin, this is a talk from one of the finest living authors with one of the finest crime writers. His latest novella, On Chesil Beach, a poised, poignant portrayal of a young, confused couple on their honeymoon, will surely be at the forefront of discussion, but here’s hoping that the film versions of Atonement and Enduring Love, featuring the delectable James McAvoy and Daniel Craig, will get a look in!

A Midsummer Night's Read Angela's Ashes Frank McCourt HarperPerennial (£7.99)

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ne of my all-time favourite books, Angela’s Ashes is the memoir of an impoverished childhood in Ireland by Frank McCourt, winner of the Pulitzer Prize in 1997. In the author’s own words, the worst type of childhood is the

“miserable Irish Catholic childhood,” and this is precisely what McCourt is forced to endure during the first nineteen years of his life.

Completely absorbing from the first page, it tells the story of a young boy born in New York and raised in abject poverty in Limerick, Ireland, during the 1930s and 40s. A poverty-stricken and disease-ridden childhood is increased in misery

by Frank’s father, an alcoholic who drinks away any income he earns, whilst Frank’s mother, Angela, is reduced to begging for clothes and food for her children.

The grief and struggles of growing up for Frank and his brothers are examined in an honest but humorous style that makes the book completely impossible to put down. Don’t let the bleak subject matter put you off eitherno

matter how desperate the circumstances, every event in Angela’s Ashes is filtered through Frank’s uniquely sharp and dark-humored sensibility without sentimentality. McCourt writes with a certain childish wonder at his boyhood surroundings, and the humanity that springs from this standpoint is the main reason the content of the book does not become overwhelming. If you want a light-hearted read, then this is not the book for you. However, if you want an inspirational story about survival against unimaginable hardships, told with such humour and compassion as to ensure you never forget this bittersweet and compelling story, then I urge you to read Angela’s Ashes.

AMANDA ELLIS

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Carol Ann Duffy Mon 27th, ScottishPower Studio Theatre, 8.30pm What better way to end the festival than with a ceilidh – no, sorry, with Carol Ann Duffy, Scotland’s premier reason to tear yourself away from crazy country dancing. Seductive, luxurious language, simultaneously heartbreaking and hilarious, her unique contemporary renditions of classic myths and cultural phenomena are not to be missed.

Spiegeltent, beautiful gardens in the centre of the first UNESCO City of Literature, Fairtrade tea and homemade cakes – oh, and a fantastic selection of today’s literary dynamos; what more could you ask for? Book asap to avoid disappointment, online at www.edbookfest.co.uk. And students get a discount for all events: awesome.

All this, plus Sebastian Faulks, Alan Bennett, J o a n n e Harris, Kate Atkinson and a Peter Rabbit puppet show. Not to mention my personal favourites (and I’m wondering if I can borrow a child in order to gain entrance …), a fairytale fancy dress party.

Nightly music in the

[Margaret Atwood: One of the highlights of the festival]

Sulphuric Acid Amélie Nothomb Faber & Faber (£10.99)

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hat sort of novel would you expect from a Japanborn French resident of Belgian descendant? Certainly nothing conventional; accordingly, Amelie Nothomb defies all preconceptions. Sulphuric Acid is a savage satire on the worldwide perverse obsession with celebrity.

Pannonique, a beautiful French girl with Messianic status and an almost divine beauty, is plucked from obscurity in the French streets and thrust into the hellish world of reality television. So far, so Big Brother.

But wait. The show is called Concentration; it unfolds that this is a Nazi-esque camp in which contestants are not only evicted, they are murdered. Originally the victims are chosen by the kapos, cruel, vindictive brutes who guard the camp. The dark dynamics of Kapo Zdena and Pannonique’s relationship are the driving force of this novel. Pseudo-sapphic undertones and the overwhelming power of obsession govern the interplay between the two characters as Pannonique is reduced to manipulating Zdena in order to survive.

Nothomb’s grimly elegant writing does not flinch from dissecting all moral issues connected with this morbid premise. When the audience is allowed to choose the victims, the entire country switches on; who is guiltiest here – the producers or the watchers? Yet for all its dark subject matter, themes of redemption and survival are beautifully portrayed, and all with a sly humour, making this a read as enjoyable as it is thought-provoking.

NAOMI LEVER

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> 37

> books

PLOT PREDICTIONS

Books, children and general nonsense W Nicola Hebden talks to Michael Rosen about his career and his new position as Children's Poet Laureate.

R

emember the good old, simple days of primary school when as much strain as our little brains had to bear was to listen to the teacher, gathered on the carpet, whilst they read us the story of the boy who snuck downstairs at night to eat chocolate cake?

Remember the joy of realising that a poem from Quick, Let’s Get Out of Here had been chosen to be read in assembly?

Well, I do, at least. Which is why I was delighted to learn that Michael Rosen, author of all this imaginative children’s poetry, had been appointed as the new Children’s Poet Laureate in early June.

The burning question on every fan’s lips: what will happen? Well, we in the Vision office have combined our mighty cognitive powers to come up with some ingenious predictions.

Theory #1: Dumbledore will return!

Now, J.K. Rowling, in a rare moment of spoilsport behaviour, has ruled out the possibility of Professor Albus Dumbledore, Order of Merlin First Class, returning from the dead.

We, however, insist that there are loopholes already hinted at in the previous six books that would allow our favourite hooknosed wizard back into our lives. Every other headmaster (or headmistress) at Hogwarts has been immortalised in a portrait: at the end of Book Six Dumbledore is even shown to be happily snoring away in his frame. What’s to stop him advising Harry from beyond the grave as a work of art? Another, slightly more farfetched theory is that, continuing with the Lord of the Rings parallels, Dumbledore as we know him will not return – but instead he will, as it were, 'do a Gandalf' and come back as someone else! Dumbledina, anyone?

Cong ratulations on becoming the new children’s poet laureate. How does it feel to be appointed in such an honourable position?

A bit overwhelming. People in the world of children’s books are immensely enthusiastic and they all hope that the laureateship can help children to enjoy reading. So, it’s quite a responsibility with so much hope resting on it. I can well imagine that if I did a rubbish job, many, many people would be extremely disappointed.

Jacqueline Wilson, the former children’s poet laureate, used her role to promote children reading at bedtime.

Do you have any similar aims?

I’m happy to echo all the work that the previous laureates did, but the idea behind each laureateship is that we should each back projects that we can bring some kind of special interest to.

I would like to give poetry for children as big a hike as I can, and so I’ve got plans for a big roadshow, provisionally called ‘The A-Z of Poetry - from Agard to Zephaniah’, some exhibitions, an interactive youTube type site of poetry in performance, and a page or website where teachers and poets can exchange ideas of how to create what I call a ‘poetry friendly classroom’. I’ve written about this on my website.

I would also like to do all I can to support the Book Trust’s project ‘The Big Picture’ aimed at reviving interest in children’s picture books.

And I have another plan: there are already some venues and walks you can go on which celebrate well-known children’s authors - places like

the Hundred Acre Wood for A.A. Milne and the Roald Dahl Museum. I think localities all over the country could do more.

So I would like to get a Children’s Books Trails idea going, with places to see, things to read, quizzes, jokes, etc etc…

After 33 years of writing, you’re very well known (and loved) by a few generations.

Was it always your aim to become a famous children’s writer?

Not at all. One aim when I was a teenager and student was to become an actor. Another was to be a theatre director. Another was to be a playwright. In the end, what I’ve actually become is a writer who writes scripts for himself to perform, which I happen to direct! I visit schools, theatres, libraries all the time, performing my poems and stories. But that just evolved as something that I could do.

You’ve written some adult poetry too, is it likely that you will do more of this on the future? Do you prefer writing for children or adults?

Again, this evolved. The immediate spur for Carrying the Elephant was the death of my son through meningitis, but I had always scribbled ‘adult’ poetry and published it through what are known as Small Presses. I also write a political poetry which, again, is published through small presses. I’ve got a book of my selected political poems coming out at the end of June, called Fighters for Life.

A lot of your work is often nonsensical and fantastical.

Where do you find inspiration for such pieces?

I think nonsense of all kinds is about creating situations where characters or beings don’t have a proper motive for what they do.

To take some obvious examples, there is no reason for the dish to run away with the spoon, no reason for an owl to marry a pussycat and so on. Nonsense creates parallel worlds (as does fantasy and sci-fi) but whereas as fantasy literature and sci-fi usually tries to create a world with some kind of new logic, nonsense literature usually has some kind of motiveless, logic-less happening.

I find this interesting because we are weighed down with logic

“

and I thought that it was stunning. An incredible exploration of sexuality and class. Amazing read.

Do you have any advice for York’s budding young writers of adult and children’s fiction?

Read as often and as widely as you can. Anything and everything. Don’t stint on this. It’s absolutely vital. Keep a notebook. Whenever you hear, see, read or think anything, just jot it down in your notebook. Don’t worry about what it’s for, or what it might turn into. Just scribble it down. Give yourself time every week or so to look at your

“

Do you have any responsibilities to undertake in your new role?

My official responsibilities are to give eight lectures in various places around the UK. These can be about anything I want but are meant to raise interesting questions to do with how children’s literature is produced, read, distributed or used both at home and in schools.

here will you be on the 21st of July 2007? Celebrating Robin William’s 56th birthday? Or Josh Hartnett’s 29th? Or the 38th anniversary of Neil Armstrong walking on the moon?

Or, like the rest of the country, curled up in your comfiest armchair with Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? Even if Hartnett came calling with a VIP invite, I’d have to turn him away. I’d be far too busy with the other man in my life: 21st July is exclusively Harry time.

Nonsense gives us a chance to escape this empirical world and explore other posibilities.

and logistics. Everything we do in life either has a motive, a cause and effect, an empirical reality that we are supposed to be aware of, be part of, to probe and, indeed, study! So nonsense gives us a chance to escape this empirical world and explore other possibilities. I’m interested in any kind of literature that helps us explore other possibilities. And sometimes, absurd possibilities give us a kind of temporary freedom.

Do you find time to read any modern fiction, for adults or children?

I re-read Dickens’ Christmas Carol yesterday, and I was stunned to see that it’s in fact not just a moral tale but actually very political. Part of the anger in the book is about Malthus and his ideas on poverty and population. I also read ‘Jude the Obscure

by Thomas Hardy quite recently

notebook and read it. Have a go at writing something at least once a week. Ideally have a go every single day. All the good writers I know sit down and write something every day.

Finally, what are your thoughts on the new Harry Potter book coming out? Any plot predictions…?

Harry Potter is a phenomenon, so much more than a book.

I think it’s been good for reading for everyone. I’d like to think that reading the HP books has given people a big stimulus to go looking for a similar excitement with some other authors.

Fantasy books are in a way a parody of the real world, and there are many kinds of books that explore this even more. I’m very fond of Terry Pratchett, for example.

No predictions. I’m always wrong!

Theory #2: Harry or Voldemort – who will die?!

Now, Voldemort simply has to die. He is a mean, mean man and this is ostensibly a children’s book: think of the playground trauma if Voldemort lives to take over the world and make us all wear black and torture people. But as for Harry … the office is split (apart from our resident pro-resurrectionist who insists that Harry will also come back to life. Like Gandalf. Again.). Some of us think there will be a happy, joyful, Ginny-marrying ending; the pessimists among us think that Harry’s days are numbered. The prophecy said that “Neither can live while the other survives”; since the entire series has been emphasising how much of Voldemort was transferred into Harry and vice versa, surely this implies that both of them have grisly fates in store. To further complicate matters, many think that Harry is a Horcrux (one of the vessels in which Voldemort has stored fragments of his soul), meaning that he must die in order to destroy Voldemort.

Which would then mean that Hermione or Ron has to step into the breach. Oooooh.

Theory #3: Happily ever after.

We know that Bill and Fleur are going to tie the knot. But where else will the romantics' fix of love and marriage and happy things come from? Ron and Hermione? Will they ever stop arguing long enough to settle down?

Ginny and Harry? Will they stay alive to get together and have redheaded, glasseswearing magical babies? Vision’s favourite Potter couple however, has to be those adorable outcasts, Madame Maxime and Hagrid.

Giant hankypanky is written in the stars.

Which Vision theories will be vindicated and which ones ripped up and thrown in the bin?

All shall be revealed on the 209th anniversary of Robert Burns’ death: 21st July 2007.

NAOMI LEVER

> 38

> listings

Listings

regulars

‘G

ive us your fucking money’ said Bob Geldof, over twenty years ago. Today, I say this.

Get your fucking daughter to shut up. Unable to get a ticket to this year’s Glastonbury, I decided instead to go to Woodstock, which was excellent, and watch some of the coverage of Glasto on the TV. Colin Murray, consigned to BBC Three’s late night coverage, had the enviable pleasure of interviewing the darling Peaches Geldof and the more coherent half of the Cribs. Brilliant television, this was not. And then we had to sit through Bjork. On two channels.

I almost cried. Though a fairly morose character, Peaches delighted in telling anyone watching that Diesel were sponsoring her Winnebago, so are therefore fantastic. Colin delighted in telling us that we could buy other brands of jeans too.

So, dear readers, children and live music shouldn’t mix. Children and any live event shouldn’t mix. Age discrimination this is not: they are just rubbish. Shrek The Third was infinitely less enjoyable because of the little morons in the front row that were incapable of sitting still, and the Toffs bouncers seem less than pleased that before York Uni students venture in on a Tuesday night, there is on an occasion an undereighteens disco. What is wrong with the nation’s youth sitting in silence, facing a wall? Equally galling is that Peaches presumably gets backstage treatment.

Which brings me to my next bone of contention, Golden Circles, the most pointless, irritating, unfair, ridiculous way of dividing up general admission gigs and events ever. Perhaps we can corral under-eighteenths into some sort of circle away from any good event for the rest of the year- a national summer school if you will.

That’ll teach them.

10

week

WEDNESDAY

27/06

Summer Ball £28 York Race Course 10pm Ash! East 17! Free fairground rides! What better way to see out the year, or for a third of us, the end of our degrees (sob)?

Relive the 90s and try not to tear your ballgown on the dodgems.

Last Ziggys ZIggys

Free From 10.30pm

MONDAYS Folk Music Black Swan PH

Last Gallery Gallery

28/06 £3 From 10.30pm

Kiss goodbye to York's largest nightclub in style with dance and cheese upstairs, and indie downstairs.

Live bands every Thursday night, including Battle of the Bands.

drowning

beer

Mental Mondays Bondai Beech, Leeds

and

FRIDAYS

£10

Hip Hop Black Swan PH

Leeds club promotes responsible drinking by giving you as much as you can handle for £10.

We Are The Physics: More exciting than your average science lesson Big B £18 THURSDAY 12/07 Derwent and Langwith 8pm The single biggest campus event featuring Lil' Chris and Boyd from Neighbours: the man, the legend. It's a circus style extravaganza with all profits going to charity. In the future, all campus events will be like this (listen up, Porno V).

SATURDAY

30/06

£5/6 We Are The Physics York Fibbers 7pm

Black Rebel Motorcycle Club £15 Leeds Met 7pm American garage rock from the purveyors of Howl.

FRIDAY

13/07

The Bravery Leeds Cockpit

50p per team

Hes Road pub promotes intellectually taxing responsible drinking: top prize is often a gallon of beer.

TUESDAYS Blackout, Ziggy’s

£2 10pm

Denim, leather, and tattoos aplenty, with alternative, rock and metal turned up to eleven.

WEDNESDAYS

7pm

£12

Ah, The Bravery. Remember them? NME championed, fabulous hair-dos, one song (Honest Mistake, anyone?). Well, they're back. Apparently. Might be worth a laugh, if nothing else.

Mutant science punk.

Apparently. What we do know is that it will be loud, there will be robot dancing, and if we're very lucky, they might throw £12-23 in their punk cover of 2unlim- York Races York Race Course 11.15am ited's dance classic, 'There's No Limit'. Woop.

Dig out your finest hat and spend next year's loan betting Much Ado About Nothing £14 on the horses with the best Ripley Castle 2 and 7pm names. Pretend to be posh. Get pissed. Lose all your money.

Sprite Theatre Company perRepeat as required. form an outdoor version of Shakespeare's classic comedy in the beautiful grounds of Ripley 15/07 Castle. This is the penultimate SUNDAY chance to experience a prom- Grimethorpe Colliery Band £15 3pm enade (i.e. the cast and audience Grand Opera House move about the grounds scene by scene) perfomance of this The band behind Brassed Off perform in a lovely, Sunday play. afternoon gig. What better way to soundtrack the digestion of your Evil Eye roast?

Jazz Wentworth Edge

GSA hosted event in Wentworth.

Nice.

Pub Quiz Shoulder of Mutton PH

Weekly pub quiz, with various cut price drinks and free supper in this Heworth boozer.

Live sets every second and fourth friday of the month.

SATURDAYS Secrets...

Orgasmic, York Funky house.

£Free 8pm

SUNDAYS Otherside Comedy Club £7/6 CityScreen Basement 8pm

Resident comperes Dan Atkinson and Dom Woodward bring you two national stand-up acts.

Passion Orgasmic, York

Warm-up for the clubnight in Toffs, playing a mix of funky house and electro.

All times, prices and events correct at time of writing. Vision cannot be held responsible for any poor nights out as a result of reading this section.

Learn to make your own fun!

overSummer

THURSDAY MONDAY

02/07

Athlete Leeds Irish Centre

£15 7pm

Popular indie rock band come to Leeds. Fun fact: despite their name, none of the band are professional athletes. Perhaps due to the fact that indie boys can't play sport.

York Minster

19/07

Roy Chubby Brown

Or, if getting sweaty in an airless basement is more your thing, you could do worse than the final Ziggys of term. Drink your bodyweight in VK and preTHURSDAY 05/07 pare to get messy. Very, very messy.

King's Consort and Choir £6-£20

THURSDAY

Live Music Winning Post PH

Blues Night The Maltings PH

Pub Quiz The Victoria

Weekly jazz music, with various local acts and some from further afield. Also Sundays.

THURSDAYS

Roots every week.

Sorrow music.

Jazz Black Swan PH

7pm

The King’s Consort present a spectacular reconstruction of The Coronation of King George II. Ceremonial music ago-go.

Grand Opera House

£19

8pm

Alice? Who the fuck is Alice?

Top humourist. Apparently. His real name is Royston Vasey, the name of the village where actual funny thing, The League of Gentlemen, is set, fact fans.

WEDNESDAY Erasure

Grand Opera House

05/09 £25

8pm

Deserving of a little respect.

And quite possibly £25 of your hard earned cash. Synth-pop at its finest. Let's party like it's 1989 before uni starts again.

East 17 and BRMC: One is playing Gradball. We'll let you guess which one...

YORK VISION

SPORT

Wednesday June 27, 2007

>SPORTS COLUMNS Vision packed campus' most passionate columnist off to run the rule over Wembley Old Trafford, aptly known as the 'Theatre of Dreams', provided England with an ideal temporary home whilst Wembley was being rebuilt.

Manchester United’s palace provided many memorable moments for England, principally Beckham’s free-kick which secured qualification for the 2002 World Cup. With the new Wembley stadium completed, the sojourns to Manchester and Newcastle have been replaced with a return to the Mecca of English football. It was time to replace the walk up Sir Matt Busby Way with the 'lets-get-crammed-together-like-a-load-of-sardinesin-a-tin' ride on the London Underground. Cramming onto a train for the trip to Wembley stadium prior to the England versus Brazil friendly may have been uncomfortable, but was more desirable than walking through the streets of Trafford.

After arriving at Wembley Stadium station, fans were guided off by policemen and sent towards the home of English football. The view of the stadium from Wembley Park dominated the horizon and the presence of the ground felt more intimidating the closer one got to its exterior. An entourage of policemen guided the fans up Olympic Way towards an intimidating but interesting structure of welded metal, glass and concrete held in place by an ostentatious arch.

Entering Wembley stadium was unlike entering a typical football stadium: we went through the turnstiles before being

Robert ROMANS

herded up a series of escalators to the upper tier of the stadium – it was reminiscent of a trip to Heathrow Airport. The interior of the stadium was pleasant; the toilets were clean, the seats were comfortable, the legroom was desirable and view, from the upper tier, spectacular. The only major

rectified for the first full international match. I didn’t sample the cuisine, but mutterings of dissatisfaction from individuals in the crowd suggested that I’d have been better off paying for a hot dog immersed in fat of artery-clogging proportions from a van outside a non-league sta-

a greasy bacon sandwich sold at Cambridge United’s ground.

Pre-match entertainment was limited, but when the 1998 World Cup anthem 'Three Lions' started screaming through the PA system, everyone started to sing along; the lyrics 'football is coming home' befitted the occa-

criticism would be the pricing of the food - £8 for a burger and chips meal and a drink. Having been at the England Under-21 game, the first match staged at the new Wembley, I was unimpressed by the lack of pies for sale; however, this had been

dium. In a recent survey, it was discovered that Norwich City, Arsenal and Barcelona serve the best pies in Europe at their stadiums; given the quality of the food available at Wembley, the Football Association would struggle to match the quality of

sion. When the teams emerged from the tunnel, goose pimples started to appear on my skin as the atmosphere in the stadium ramped up. Hearing 90,000 people sing 'God save the Queen' in unison was both unforgettable and emotional. The friendly was

39

an enjoyable encounter; England surprised everyone and deservedly took a 1-0 lead from a John Terry header before Brazil snatched an equaliser in the 90th minute of the game courtesy of Diego. David Beckham, recalled to the England team, was a revelation; Ronaldinho and his Brazilian colleagues flicked and tricked all evening, but failed to produce any magic the 'Seleção' are capable of producing.

Wembley, as sensational as it looks, is a beacon that highlights the current culture of English football. The construction of the stadium was governed by an incompetent football body that contracted an unreliable Australian building firm to build it. With these things in mind, how fitting it was that the first FA Cup final, a competition now widely believed to be the preserve of the top four teams in the Premiership, be contested by two teams (Manchester United and Chelsea) who are arguably responsible for the decline of English football. It says a lot about the current state of the country's football when a proud cup competition is sponsored by a German company and contested in a stadium built by Aussies.

Wembley is a glamorous venue which will provide English football with a suitable venue to contest cup and play-off finals, but unfortunately it epitomises why the average football fan is becoming detached from the game. For all the glamour Wembley holds, there is a sense of the negative aspects which define modern football culture.

With Thierry Henry leaving for sunny Spain, is the Premiership really the best league in Europe?

James EVANS

It was back in mid-April that Richard Scudamore triumphantly crowed that the Premiership was the best league in the world.

Well, he needs something to cheer about, after the national team’s appalling performances and the farcical process of electing a

manager who everyone knew wasn’t up to it.

However, it must be said that a lot of football fans here in England take for granted that their league is the best. They see that the Premiership has three representatives in the semi-finals of the Champions League, and that the Premier League is where you will witness some of the fastest games around, and for them that is enough evidence. Being a football fan myself, I love the Premiership. However I also have a passion for La Liga, and an article I read not so long ago on Soccernet. com made me stop and think; it seems that it may be more of a closerun thing than people believe.

I am assuming, as I write, that this is a straight race between the Premiership and La Liga. The Italian Calcio may have been in with a shout but the current scandals and money problems facing the Italian clubs means that, for the time being at least, they are being put to one side.

As for France, Holland and Germany: let’s face it, they aren’t anywhere near the same quality as the other three leagues.

Before we can attempt to decide which is the best, we need to decide what the true litmus test is for a

league’s strength.

Whereas the English clubs have done the best in Europe this year we mustn’t forget that only back in 2000 there were three Spanish representatives, and I don’t remember people back then declaring that suddenly Spain had the best league as a result.

It could all have been so different if Valencia had held their nerve against Chelsea and Barcelona’s keeper had not been so silly as to throw himself backwards into his own net after making a comfortable save against Liverpool.

Champions League results cannot be seen as the defining factor in assessing a club’s quality. Liverpool made it to the final ahead of both Manchester United and Chelsea but who could honestly argue that they are a better team? The league showed that Manchester United and Chelsea are comfortably better than Liverpool at the moment. Neither do I think that because Liverpool beat Barcelona, for example, we can assume that they are better. It is well known that a league is the true test of a team’s strength.

While it is looking like England’s big sides are tilting the balance, we come to the UEFA Cup which, it has to be said, is becoming more impor-

tant as the years pass.

This year it was dominated by the Spanish teams.

Sevilla have just won it for the second consecutive time, but let us not forget that it was an all-Spanish final and that there were three Spanish teams in the semi-finals stage.

Sevilla also beat Tottenham Hotspur in the quarter-final, in what can be seen as a rather symbolic match up of improving sides from both leagues.

The clubs have similar standings in terms of status and history; neither team have won much, if anything, for years (Sevilla's European trophy notwithstanding), and both have a reputation in their respective leagues for being consistent entrants into the UEFA Cup without quite being able to crack into the leagues' elite.

Sevilla may be flying high in the league this year but historically they are definitely middle-ground and cannot be classed as one of the top clubs thanks to a good year alone - until they can repeat their success consistently, at least. In the games they played it seemed clear that Sevilla were certainly the better team.

Tottenham played well but Sevilla just seemed to have that little bit extra.

However the most important fact is that, unlike their English counterparts, these middle-of-the-road teams have the capability to cause problems for the league’s big clubs such as Real Madrid and Barcelona.

In England there is a big gap between Manchester United, Chelsea and the rest as this season has proved.

In La Liga there is far more competition for places at the top end of the league with three teams in contention to win the league coming into the last day, including Sevilla.

Even in previous years we can see that there has always been a middleground team that puts up a fight. In recent memory Villarreal, Real Sociedad and Celta Vigo all qualified for the Champions League. Sociedad and Celta have in fact just been relegated. In Spain, then, the league seems to be more competitive and that the middle of the table is far healthier than in England.

In terms of which league is better to watch, it will depend on your taste. England may be faster and more gladitorial, but in Spain you will find more individual skill and far more goals. You decide.

In any case, it is clear that this is a much closer contest than the English press and Mr Scudamore would have you believe.

YORK VISION 40 SPORT UNIVERSITY CRICKETERS DISAPPOINT AFTER PROMISING START Wednesday June 27, 2007

Expectations were always high for York’s Men’s Cricket season.

‘I had hoped both the first and second team would get promoted,’ said outgoing president Andy Exley. This optimism was a result of early success in the 6-a-side indoor format, where the first team went through the first rounds without losing a wicket, earning a place in the finals at Lords.

Newly crowned Sportsman of the Year Nick Vanner reflected on the competition: ‘We played well to get to Lords, it was a really good experience.’

This form led to a sparkling start to their campaign. Due to the short season the firsts were only scheduled to play four BUSA league fixtures, so there was little room for error. Encouragingly, a 200 plus run win in their opening fixture against Bradford showed great promise for the rest of the matches.

The 1sts followed up this success with a sparkling Roses victory, again led by the exploits of opening batsmen Vanner and Tom Hudson.

However, the team could not maintain their form, losing the second fixture of the BUSA league to Huddersfield in a rain affected game. The York side got the worst of the conditions, but they had already left themselves with far too much to do.

Captain Vanner bemoaned the circumstances which saw the squad heavily depleted: ‘We suffered in the latter part of the season with many first choice players being unavailable. Third years had exams and there were a few injuries.’ Despite these being provided reasons for the loss of form, it seemed like the team let complacency creep in after their first run of resounding victories.

‘I think we focused a lot of our efforts on Roses, the second team too,’ said Vanner. ‘We won our indoor Roses fixture too, and it was great to win everything.’ Unfortunately, Roses ultimately proved to be the highlight of the cricket season. 2nds captain Tom Hunter led his team to an impressive season - losing only one game all term - but also pointed to Roses as his

Photo by XAVIER NITSCH

BY GEORGE TAYLOR

ALL OUT UNTIL AUTUMN No-one currently in the club can remember the last time the seconds were victorious in Roses, so it was something Hunter was very proud of. ‘It was Nick [Hudson] who scored the runs that day, but Andrew [Lewin] has helped us out a lot, scoring the most runs over the season.’ ‘[Francis Cox] also bowled very well. He really improved as the season went on, and was our club

CAN DURRANT DO THE DOUBLE?

bowler of the year’.

When asked about individual performances in the first team, club president Andy Exley was quick to point to Hudson’s role. ‘He played very well, was our leading run scorer and has taken wickets in every game.’

As the club got together for their inaugural charity 6 a-side competition on Sunday, they considered their prospects for next year.

BY LAUREN COCKBILL This Saturday plays host to York Tennis Club’s finals day for their annual tournament. The day will consist of the singles and doubles final. The latter promises to be interesting as number one seeds Chris Willis and Dan ‘Loaded’ Schofield will face number two seeds Cameron Downey and Steve Durrant aka ‘The Bees’.

Photo by LAUREN COCKBILL

En route to the final Willis and Schofield overcame second team regulars David Barker and Bill Hall 6-4 6-3 in the quarter final. The semi-final proved more difficult, as they faced Guy Baxendale and Ed Fitzgerald; the second team’s best two players.

Going into the match Willis and Schofield were obviously nervous as some sloppy tennis lost them the first set 6-3. Nevertheless they eventually found their rhythm and proceeded to win the next two sets comfortably, the final score being 3-6 6-4 6-3.

The club is losing some big names in departing third years.

Exley, Matt Belk, and Jamie Vanner have all made their final BUSA bows and the team will be ‘looking for people to step up into their shoes.’

Incoming president Nick Hudson is already looking forward to next year. ‘I’m hoping to build on what Andy’s done; at the moment we have a nice balance of freshers

Downey and Durrant’s route to the final was somewhat less bumpy; they are yet to drop a set.

Both pairings play at the number one and two positions respectively for the university first team, so the pressure is on Willis and Schofield to stamp their authority on the match.

Willis stated that ‘the doubles could get a bit heated.’ Having played second fiddle to Willis and Schofield all year, Downey and Durrant are eager to escape their opponents’ shadows.

The singles tournament has produced some excellent tennis, with a few surprises along the way. The top half of the draw has unfolded as expected, with number one seed Chris Willis reaching the final after beating doubles partner Dan Schofield in the semi-final 6-1 6-4.

However the bottom half of the draw saw Lauren Cockbill (the tennis committee allowed the Women’s Tennis Captain Elect to compete) knock out number two seed Cameron Downey 6-3 6-0.

Steve Durrant awaited her in the semi-final but due to Cockbill being unavailable for finals day, an

and older lads.’

The club looks to next year with more optimism, and has high hopes for some improved results.

Despite a mostly successful campaign, the club will want to learn from this season’s mistakes. However, they will also need an impressive crop of freshers to replace some very experienced cricketers - something which may be harder than they expect.

arrangement was made before the match that should Cockbill reach match point she would retire.

Indeed Cockbill did reach match point at 6-3 5-3 40-0 but it will be Durrant who faces Willis on Saturday.

The final will be a showcase of contrasting styles. Willis mainly relies on his powerful flat forehand and fast serve whilst Durrant plays a much craftier game, using different spins and angles.

Willis is the favourite; if he comes out of the blocks positively with all of his guns blazing, Durrant shouldn’t pose too many problems.

However, Willis can be prone to errors on the backhand side; if Durrant can get under Willis’ skin with his court craft the match could turn the other way. Regarding the singles final Willis stated: ‘The only player I was worried about in the draw is Steve.

'The final will be good, potentially very close.’

Finals day takes place at the tennis courts, commencing with the doubles at 11am, followed by the singles at 1pm.

YORK VISION

SPORT

Wednesday June 27, 2007

Photo by Tom Hole

I WANT TO WIN AWAY

41

SPORTS SHORTS wicked WHISPERS Which sports team recently spent their evening preparing for a social by challenging two female OAPs to compete in a series of exhilerating drinking games in a Wetherspoons?

The merriment ended when the ladies refused to play Ring of Fire, citing hemmorrhoids.

Derwent edge out Alcuin to claim College Cup

2007/8 AU President Jo Carter reveals her plans to Vision's Lauren Cockbill for glamourising college sport, improving facilities and retaining Roses ‘I want to win Roses…in Lancaster.’ Ambitious this may be, but shying away from a challenge isn’t something that Jo Carter entertains.

Being elected for the position of AU President was a challenge in itself; Carter is the first successful female in thirteen years.

‘I didn’t expect to get in! Especially as there hasn’t been a female president for such a long time. But in the end I won by 150 votes, which was a big surprise because at one point it was very close. Some people have suggested that being a female might have helped me win, but I’m doubtful because of the last thirteen years. I think the amount of time you put into your campaign is crucial. I did make the effort to approach lots of women’s teams so that may have helped me win.’

Carter’s aim to win Roses on Lancaster soil is a bold statement to make. Nevertheless, such belief in our ability is just what York need.

And we have reason to be confident, as Carter astutely points out: ‘When we won, we won convincingly, which means we have the capability of winning again away from home. When there were matches we lost, they were close. If we can just tighten the gap then we will have a fighting chance of winning next year’s Roses.’

Fighting talk is important but what measures need to be implemented to confirm that York performs to its potential?

‘I think sorting out the sleeping arrangements will be important.

Where possible we need to make sure that those coming in after a night out on Friday, either because they’re not competing until Sunday or because they competed that day and aren’t competing again, don’t

disturb those who have to compete on Saturday. The same principle goes for Saturday night.’

This year Lancaster’s AU President imposed a drinking ban, in his determination to win the elusive Roses away victory. Is this an option for York next year?

‘I wouldn’t impose a drinking ban because it’s not my place; it’s down to the team captains.’

Even the professional attitude of abstaining from alcohol wasn’t enough to secure a Lancaster victory, so will separating the competitors in their sleeping arrangements be enough? Surely, for this prestigious event that happens only once a year, enough money should be available for hotel rooms? Doesn’t sleeping on lecture theatre floors grant a gross disadvantage?

‘Realistically there is no money in the budget for hotels. If we did put our competitors up in hotels it would be to the detriment of our teams for the rest of the year because less money could be given during the BUSA season.’

Staying on the subject of mon-

I wouldn't impose a drinking ban... it's down to the team captains

ey, what does Carter think about £300,000 Vision revealed was being spent on sexing up the sport centre’s image instead of improving the abysmal state of the running track?

‘The problem with spending the money on the track is that athletics does not have a high enough profile, and they train elsewhere too. The changing rooms are in real need of a revamp. The idea is to install good showers in the changing rooms so students feel they can come to the sports centre before lectures, knowing that they can have a quick shower afterwards before heading off. By improving the changing facilities the aim is to increase participation at the sports centre.’

But surely the reason athletics doesn’t have a high profile is because of the poor track?

‘Yes, the issue of the track is a vicious circle. But with Hes East hopefully a decent track can be built there.’

With all this talk of Roses, where does college sport feature in the AU President Elect’s priorities?

‘College sport is very important.

This year it has been very well run and I want to maintain that. College sport is great because it encourages participation; it is a stepping stone to university sport. Two men who played hockey for Halifax this year are now playing for the university which is a great transition.’

And are there any areas for improvement?

‘There are always areas for improvement. My goal is to improve the website. Sometimes there have been breakdowns in communication and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’m looking forward to working with Jack Kennedy [the newly elected Vice President].’

With double the student population, we won't be able to use our size as an excuse Improvement is something Carter is eager to implement in all areas of sport at York. For a university with a relatively small population and relatively average facilities, how can we improve our standings in the BUSA leagues?

‘I was talking to Tom Moore about this recently. He reckons that if we started back two weeks earlier we would finish ten places higher in BUSA standings. We are at a distinct disadvantage when we have to play universities that have already had two weeks training more than us. Hes East should provide us with better facilities which in turn should improve participation and performance levels. With double the student population, we won’t be able to use our size as an excuse. However this is a long term solution. For the mean time the AU needs to continue supporting the clubs.’

Whilst we are enjoying our long summer holiday, Jo Carter will be busy learning the ropes of her new position. It remains to be seen if her ambitious Roses talk will pay off, but one thing’s for certain, she won’t go down without a fight.

Skipper Nick Davies' powerful strike earnt Derwent 1sts a 1-0 victory over Alcuin in the College Cup final.

The charity football event, organised by Vanbrugh's Jack Nicholas, was fiercely contested after hot favourites Goodricke exited the competition, having been beaten by both of the eventual finalists.

Alcuin controlled long periods of the first half, having a goal disallowed after Andrew Wakeford's cross appeared to have sneaked over the line. Unfortunately for Wakeford, the referee was poorly placed and so the teams went into the interval on level terms.

In the second half, the tide turned as an uncharacteristically nervous performance from former university Vice Captain Ben Matthews gave Derwent several good chances. Their pressure finally told when Davies snaked down the right channel, before driving the ball smoothly into the bottom corner from twenty yards.

wicked WHISPERS Which major campus sports club's newlyelected president recently owned up to being responsible for a story that swept through the university last term? Rumours swirled that somebody had defecated in a book somewhere in the campus library, and Vision hears that the culprit is a suprisingly prominent member of the sporting community.

42 SPORT

YORK VISION

Wednesday June 27, 2007

Track record not enough for Goodricke second successive trophy win with a

1st Halifax "Last year we were near the bottom for a lot of sports, so to win has just been phenomenal.

Everybody did brilliantly."

HIGHLIGHT: "The Netball one day tournament victory was really important, and our Volleyball team really improved from last year."

NEXT YEAR: "It's really important to start strongly. We'll have to get as many freshers involved as possible, so we can hit the ground running."

- Nicola Hayden

2nd

GOODRICKE ING JUST A

BY ALEX RICHMAN

goodricke "We came so close to the prize which every Goodricke sportsman and woman deserved, and we're exceptionally proud of everyone who competed."

HIGHLIGHT: "Winning back-to-back college football leagues was a massive achievement, and we hope to maintain our success!"

NEXT YEAR: "Obviously we want to go one place further and win it back, but the most important thing is to have fun and get everybody excited about college sport."

- George Taylor

3rd derwent "We did really well to see another successful year up against much bigger colleges."

HIGHLIGHT: "The general enthusiasm for sport the college has shown. The football team did well to win the charity College Cup, too."

NEXT YEAR: "We're a young team of sports reps, so next year we hope to build on this base and recruit a new raft of freshers to improve from third. We've definitely got the talent to challenge."

- Will Marle and Adam Clark

Despite only being established in 2002, Halifax have won the college championship after a thrilling climax saw them pip Goodricke to the post.

An epic battle between the new challenger and old favourite had seen the lead change hands throughout the year, but last week seemed to signal the end of Halifax’s challenge.

Goodricke ended the year with victory on the track in Athletics Day and a 1st place in the football six-a-side tournament.

Of course, with every single college match affecting the league table neither college could be certain of their fate, but Halifax did not hold out much hope as their sports officers suited up for the AU Dinner.

‘We weren’t sure what the result actually was,’ revealed Halifax sports officer Nicola Hayden. ‘We didn’t expect to win it at all. We were all prepared for disappointment at the dinner.’

A s it turns o u t ,

4th

Photo by TOBY ROBERTS

vanbrugh "We're delighted with getting fourth and beating much larger colleges like Alcuin and Langwith, and hopefully we can go on to do even better."

HIGHLIGHT: "We were absolutely awesome during the swimming gala. Basketball and rounders also did well, and special mention goes to Josh Beale and Joanna Greetham for helping out in so many different sports."

NEXT YEAR: "We want to concentrate on including the new Bleachfields students, as well as get more people participating from Fairfax."

- Jonathan Loughrey

Goodricke would be the college left disconsolate by the revealed results. Young upstarts Halifax became the first side to lift an all new trophy, purchased by sponsors Deloitte to usher in the new era of college sport.

Despite finishing two places behind Goodricke in the six-aside 1sts tournament, Halifax managed to win the 2nds competition which, along with victory in the netball two weeks earlier, cancelled out the holders’ advantage. This meant that the one-day tournaments ended in a near dead heat, with the leagues deciding the championship.

Nick Hassey explained to Vision the

importance of Halifax’s consistency in their campaign: ‘They outperformed Goodricke all year. In the end volleyball was a crucial league – Halifax have improved steadily, and Goodricke collapsed, coming last.’ Of course, a key component of the volleyball team was AU Presid e n t Tom Moore.

With victory,

his teammates. ‘The volleyball was really important because it gave us a six point advantage over Goodricke, and that’s about what we won by. The team really improved this year, we played really well and it was always a lot of fun. Moore, like Hayden, was unsure of Halifax’s placing as the results loomed: ‘At the start of the week, I thought we’d done it. But then, as you do, I started to get a bit nervous. By Friday, I had no idea.’

However, he was keen to play down his role in the win.

‘Of course I only play in a few sports, so we didn’t win just because of me. The sports rep deserve the credit, they’ve all been fantastic. Goodricke deserve some as well, they pushed us really close and it wouldn’t have been half as fun without them.’

It is easy to view Halifax as a plucky underdog, but the reality is that Goodricke draws on a

Moore clinched a heroic double with a convincing Roses victory on home soil for the university complemented by success for his college. An important member of so many of Halifax’s college teams, Moore’s contribution was hailed by Hayden: ‘he’s done so much for us, alongside everything else he’s had to do as AU President.

He did really well.’

When Vision caught up with Moore, he hailed the efforts of

We didn't expect to win at all. We were all prepared for disappointment

much smaller pool of talent for their championship teams. ‘Given our slow start, we've done amazingly well to push Halifax so close,’ commented sports officer George Taylor. A strong football side won their college league for the second year in a row, and a dominant performance on Athletics Day saw wins

Halifax's Moore dejectedly leaves the field as the football six-a-side tournament goes to Goodricke...

YORK VISION

SPORT

Wednesday June 27, 2007

as Athletics Day victory fails to seal a new college entering the record books

5th

LEFT NEEDBIT MOORE

George Taylor. A strong football side won their college league for the second year in a row, and a dominant performance on Athletics Day saw wins in both 100m sprints, another in the 4x100m women’s relay race and a secondplaced finish in the men’s.

However, we should not underestimate the young college’s achievement in being the first name engraved on the new university trophy.

This year marks a huge progression from previous campaigns, and despite the massive population, motivation has proven to be a stumbling block for many other colleges. The difficulty of organizing and mobilizing such a large amount of students is clear, and Nick Hassey points to the strides Halifax have made.

‘They’ve done really well.

Even smaller colleges like Vanbrugh have trouble getting people from Fairfax involved. The problem is that if you’re s o m e where like Alcuin, e v e r y

block needs a keycode so it’s really hard to get people involved.

If you’re in Derwent, like me, you just need three or four keycodes, which all the sports reps have, so it’s a lot more straightforward.’

Alcuin sports officer Gajan Santhakumar echoed these sentiments: ‘It’s been very hard. The swimming gala was a great example; at the last minute we lost two of our girls and the entrance and doorbell system just doesn’t work well enough in the newer blocks to be able to recruit people. We ended up targeting the same flats again and again, which wasn’t ideal.’

For now the college remains firmly in the bottom half, as expected.

Competing for only t h e second time, We n t worth w e r e

It wouldn't have been half as fun without [Goodricke]

comfortably the last-placed side.

The graduate college struggled to put up teams for many crucial events, including a dismal Athletics Day showing that did not even qualify them for a place in the final standings.

Despite this, sports officer Alan Underwood r e -

43

langwith "In the leagues we did really well, placing high. We just didn't do very well in the one day tournaments."

HIGHLIGHT: "The swimming gala, especially our male team who won most of their races. Also our rounders team, who finished as unbeaten champions."

NEXT YEAR: "We just want to get more people along to practises and taking part.

That's what college sport is all about - getting involved and having fun, even if you're not university standard!"

- Lucy Newton

mains optimistic for the future of the college’s championship hopes: ‘It’s been a very good year compared to two years ago when we didn’t even compete. Unfortunately a lot of the scheduling from the AU affects us, with weekdays usually taken up by teaching and research. Difficulty to recruit enough individuals for the oneday tournaments hit us hard, but the lessons learned should help us next year as we try to establish a culture of sport.’

Not even Wentworth can be ruled out for next year, it would seem. With Halifax’s emergence as a force to be reckoned with, and a more diverse fleet of oneday tournaments promised by the next AU Vice President Jack Kennedy, we can only wait and see how the next championship race will develop.

6th Alcuin "It's been a good, solid season and we've been really pleased with everyone's performances."

HIGHLIGHT: "Winning the basketball league was great, especially an outrageous last minute, half-court winner from Dan Hyde against Langwith. Also, even though it wasn't part of the competition, reaching the College Cup final will be a boost to the football team for next year."

NEXT YEAR: "We want to push on in squash, and try and get more girls involved with hockey and tennis."

- Gajan Santhakumar

7th James "Low participation really hurt us."

HIGHLIGHT: "Winning the one-day rugby tournament. Also, we had some great performances from John Phelps on Athletics Day, as he won the 1500m and 3000m races and came 2nd in the 800m. Our tennis team was strong too, with our top team of James Evans and Lauren Cockbill doing brilliantly."

NEXT YEAR: "Get more ladies involved. Our female turnout for Athletics Day was really disappointing."

- Charlotte Gaughan

8th Photo courtesy of Jonny Curtis

...only to lift the trophy mere days later, along with Jonny Curtis, Emily Scott, Freddie Cornes and Nicola Hayden

Wentworth "I'd like to thank all those who participated in sport this year for Wentworth. It's been a very good year compared to 2 years ago when we didn't even compete."

HIGHLIGHT: "Definitely our cricket team, with their great teamwork which saw them thrash Derwent."

NEXT YEAR: "I'd like to see us represented in every sport, and to be more competetive, but the overriding message of Wentworth sport is to come down and have a laugh."

- Alan Underwood

Wednesday June 27, 2007

Issue 181

Y THE ONL OSITY TO MONSTR NTRAL RIVAL CE HALL

P39

HALIFAX DENY GOODRICKE TO TAKE DELOITTE TROPHY

F O E T S A T THE SUCCESS

AU PRESIDENT MOORE CLAIMS A FAMOUS

DOUBLE AS HE HELPS

YORK'S YOUNGEST COLLEGE TO WIN THEIR FIRST EVER COLLEGE CHAMPIONSHIP

final STANDINGS

Despite losing out on Athletics Day and falling to 3rd in the football six-a-side tournament, Halifax held on to their lead to celebrate a first ever college championship victory on Friday.

The win is particularly special for Tom Moore, the departing AU President.

Moore not only fulfilled his

promise to deliver Roses success on home soil, but also played a pivotal role in taking the trophy over the road and into Halifax's trophy cabinet.

Despite being the largest college on campus, difficulties in mobilising students has seen the college struggle to compete in previous years. However, this first installment of the contest under its new Deloitte sponsorship saw Halifax tussling with Goodricke in one of the most exciting title

races in York's history.

Looking to retain the championship, Goodricke thought they had finally defeated Halifax after a late run of good results in the last week of the competition.

However, their performances in the college leagues saw Halifax just about keep their noses in front for long enough to earn an unlikely coronation.

College Sport Special: p42 & 43

entworth

Photo courtesy of Jonny Curtis

BY ALEX RICHMAN

1. Halif ax 2. Good ricke 3. Der went 4. Va nbrugh 5. Lang with 6. Alc uin 7. Jam es 8. W