Issue 182

S R E H S E LEE WESTWOOD R RUMBLE FREE F H T I W E L B STRIPS I B E U S S I Y R P42 >THE SCENE INTERVIEW >SPORT EVE www.yorkvision.co.uk R O NUS SMALL-BUDGET PUBLICATION OF THE YEAR F D E T A N I NOM GUARDIAN MEDIA AWARDS facebook > student news > student gossip > p 34 ISSUE 182

Tuesday October 9, 2007

5

FAMILY AND FRIENDS PAY TRIBUTE TO ROBERT DAVIES

"His life touched so many people" Rob Davies remembered by those that knew him best.

BY ADAM THORN AND LUCY TAYLOR THE PARENTS of Robert Davies have

described their son as someone who BY ADAM every THORN “engaged minute and was his own man”.

They added that he loved living in York and regarded it as his home. Meanwhile friends of Rob have written heartbreaking tributes to the housemate they call "an inspirational person" and say had a gift for making people laugh.

"Rob was a hilarious person to live with, he could make a joke out of any situation and always kept us smiling," said housemate Phil Lester. "He always had

time for his friends."

The hunt for the missing student came to an emotional end last week with the discovery of a body in the River Ouse, believed to be that of Rob. The thirdyear disappeared after a night out on Micklegate two weeks ago.

"I can't begin to list the things I'll miss about him or all the ways he affected his close friends," Fiona4,5 Sheldon, FULL STORYsaid PAGES &12 who also lived with Rob. "He was so generous and smiling and incredibly funny, but also deep and thoughtful and mature. Our house will never be the same again."

CONTINUED PAGES 4-5

2NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

your week NEWS AT A GLANCE

i

BY IAIN WITHERS

P2

More students caught cheating in exams

P3

It's happened again – University cocks-up over accommodation

P4-5

Tributes pour in for Rob Davies

QUOTE OF THE WEEK “If I was one of these "students, I’d be f*cking pissed off. This is the week when you make your best friends for life.”

"

Ben Wardle on the accommodation debacle

GOOD WEEK bad week

GOOD WEEK jcrcs

The college committees managed to avert disaster and clear up the accomodation mess left by the University.

BAD WEEK

Holiday inn staff Having to cope with students celebrating Freshers Week in their hotel.

the number cruncher 4

Miles Langwith freshers are living from campus

15

Months a student spent defrauding the university

60

Fire extinguishers set off at the end of last year.

30,000

CITY BANKER IN EXAM CHEAT TRIAL

Pounds it will cost the uni to put 48 students up in a Holiday Inn for one week

YORK IS set to stage the most remarkable exam fraud trial ever to hit a UK university after a student has been charged on FIFTEEN counts of identity fraud.

Incredibly, his alleged accomplice is also facing charges of possessing £4,000 of criminal money at his London home.

The co-defendant resigned from a lucrative position at leading international bank Credit Suisse after being charged. Neither man has yet to be convicted, and the trial has been sent to York Crown Court where a jury could decide their fate.

The case is the second business exam cheating case to appear in court in less than three months. Last term final year student Qiu Shi Zhang was charged and convicted of getting a friend to sit his exam.

Both instances involved a three-hour Business Finance paper last term.

Admin sources have told Vision that the university is taking these latest allegations extremely seriously.

The latest case sees a student accused of conspiring to allow 34 year-old high-flying banker, Jerome Drean, to sit his exams on FOUR separate occasions.

Charges include possession of fake ID and swapping identities in order to defraud the university over an incredible seventeen-month period.

Drean was formerly head of European equity derivatives trading at Credit Suisse and has previously worked for Bank of America.

The men could face a lengthy and high profile court battle in November, should they deny the charges.

A university spokesman described the number of incidents as ‘highly unusual’ but refused to comment further on ongoing court proceedings.

Due to the severe nature of the charges, their case was sent to York Crown Court.

The court case was adjourned until a plea hearing on November 12th. Both were released on unconditional bail.

Neither has yet to plead guilty to any charges.

York student charged on 15 counts of exam fraud appears at York Magistrates

END-OF-YEAR CELEBRATIONS WREAK HAVOC ON CAMPUS

SMURFIN' STUPID Revellers wreck block with blue paint

BY EMILIE ROOHAN GOODRICKE COLLEGE received an unexpected makeover on the last day of term when a student's drinking game took a creative twist.

To celebrate the end of their first year the boys covered themselves in blue paint – in an attempt to resemble Smurfs – and proceeded to play drinking games late into night.

One of the games involved the former freshers swimming across the polluted campus lake to retrieve and ‘down’ cans of lager before racing back to their block.

But, with their bodies dripping in paint, the wannabe

cartoon characters left a trail behind them, before smearing the walls of their accommodation with the blue emulsion.

Boozy-smurf,Rob 'McGuiness', said: “We came back and decorated everything – there were blue trails everywhere. It was a f*cking heavy night, we don’t remember much of it!”

However, they do remember being fined by the University and and forced to clear up the mess on the following morning.

One of the students involved has since been excluded, although the two matters are thought to be unrelated.

"SOMEONE COULD HAVE DIED" Canning condemns fire extinguisher pranksters

BY RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH MORE THAN 60 fire extinguishers were set off by revellers in end-of-year celebrations, Vision has learned.

YUSU president, AnneMarie Canning heavily criticised the reckless behaviour calling it "unbelievably stupid".

"It goes without saying – had there been a fire, someone could have died."

It is believed that the vast majority of extinguishers were set-off as part of late-night drunken antics in the last week of the summer term.

Some were consequently dumped in the lake, while others were left empty in corri-

dors, kitchens and stairwells – posing a significant safety risk to students.

Although unconnected to the incidents, the university has appointed a new Fire Safety Officer, Mick Elliot, to combat malicious sabotaging of fire safety equipment.

The officer will also tackle the high number of false callouts to the fire brigade – with each occurance costing the university a hefty fine.

Canning was keen to point out that any student caught setting off fire alarms or tampering with equipment was liable to severe disciplinary action.

NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Welcome to...

3

HEARTBREAK HOTEL

Accommodation bungled for third year in a row

Langwith

habitable in n u ft le n o ti a d o m >Accom ay Inn d li o H in d e s u o h s r >Freshe campus to s e h c a o c le tt u h S >

Vanbrugh >Bleachfields still a buil d

>First-years scattered a

ing site

round campus

>Shuttle coaches to cam p

us

Photos by Alex Papushoy

Holiday Inn: Sherie York moves in

L

inished angwith: Unf

BY ANNA BEVAN AND RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH OVER A hundred freshers arrived to a campus in chaos this weekend, as a massive accommodation cock-up hit the university for the third year in a row.

48 Langwith students were even moved into a Holiday Inn as delays in block renovations once again prevented the firstyears from taking residence in their assigned campus bedrooms.

Meanwhile, Derwent suffered from problems with kitchen appliances, and mounting delays on the ill-fated Bleachfields development forced admin to distribute 100 Vanbrugh students across campus.

Blaming the debacle on labour shortages and flooding in

The Numbers 150 Students affected 10 Seperate locations Estimated cost 30,000 for Holiday Inn alone

early summer, YUSU president, Anne-Marie Canning, said the situation had been "difficult", but the university had behaved "responsibly".

“It’s far from ideal, but better to make sure the accommodation is spot-on, rather than move freshers into somewhere that’s unfinished.”

However, Goodricke JCRC chair Ben Wardle, whose college is temporarily accomodating 22 Vanbrugh students, said: “If I was one of these students, I’d be f*cking pissed off. This is the week when you make your best friends for life.”

The Bleachfields development began construction in January – a year later than planned – and suffered massive setbacks after heavy rains severely hampered progress, leaving uni bosses with only half of the planned buildings complete

on the first day of term.

To add to the housing problems, Science Park bosses have insisted that the first-years staying in the complex are to be accompanied by at least one member of a specific list of "Senior Managers" – which includes Pro-Vice Chancellors – which Vanbrugh Vice Chair, Sam Turner, admitted, "has been somewhat difficult to organise".

Vanbrugh chair, Ryan Bennett, said: "This looked like it was going to be the worst Freshers' Week Vanbrugh had ever had to organise. However, to my suprise, everything so far has gone perfectly."

Langwith chose to keep all their uprooted students together, moving them into temporary lodgings at a Holiday Inn four miles away.

Langwith College Provost, John Issitt, welcomed disgrun-

Bleachfields: bu

ilders still at w or

k

tled freshers in person at the hotel, which is costing the university over £30,000. He apologised for the debacle, but insisted that, “students wouldn’t want to be in the building as it exists in its current state”.

Whilst meal vouchers and coaches back-and-forth from campus have been organised for the students, along with a constant JCRC presence in the hotel, the university cannot escape the damaging effect that the disruption will inevitably have on their crucial early university experiences.

One re-housed undergraduate admitted, “I was quite pissed off when I found out, but I suppose we are all in the same boat.”

Despite the fact that the Holiday Inn usually costs £89.00 per person per night, the Langwith students will still be pay-

ing their normal rent, with the added bonus of having en-suite facilities and free food.

It is hoped that A Block will be ready for occupancy in a week’s time, which will mean that the 48 first years will finally be able to move onto campus,.

While many of the unfortunate first-years accept this is far from an ideal start to the year, some are still looking forward to the week ahead, insisting that, “It will help A-block students get to know each other.”

However, some parents have not been so enthusiastic about the upheaval. One girl’s father, David Burrows, confessed: “I’m worried about the logistics of it all. How will the shuttle coach system work? Also, tonight is our daughter’s first night of university and she’s spending it in a hotel.”

4NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday October 9, 2007

THE LAST OF

student press We read them...so you don't have to Venting fury

A student at the University of Sheffield had to be cut out of the Union’s ventilation system after trying to sneak her way into an event, reports Sheffield Steel.

Emergency services had to prise open the metal air vent after the 22-year-old, who had been playing a particularly lethal drinking game, decided that it would be a good idea to climb in.

However, the female soon began to panic when she became wedged inside and unable to do anything at 5.30am but scream for help.

The student later admitted that, in her drunken state, she was just looking for somewhere to sleep - taking student accommodation to new lows!

pick me! pick me!

Lecturers at the University of Leeds have been complaining that their students are too eager, writes Leeds Student.

Demands for extra guidance and tuition during non-timetabled hours means that tutors feel compelled to do overtime and, with the increases in communication, academic staff cannot escape their pupils.

But can you really blame English undergraduates for wanting more than their 20 minutes a week of contact?

Dodgy emails English Literature freshers were left somewhat confused at Edinburgh University when they received emails from their department offering them sexual enhancement, writes Student.

The bombardment, which encouraged students to buy supplements and treatments such as viagra is being blamed on a leak of contact details to an unidentified source.

One student said: “I was really surprised when I first started getting the emails. I saw that the name looked German so I assumed it was from someone within the department . It was only when it asked me if i was happy with my sexual performance that i realised that something was wrong."

Let’s just hope that none of the students mistook the spam mail for their term’s reading list!

Filthy Bar Oxford University was forced to close St. Peter’s college bar during the summer after it was considered to be so filthy that it failed a random health and safety inspection.

The Cherwell reports how health and safety officers declared the place a ‘health hazard, unfit to serve food and drink to students’, which prompted the bar manager to resign and get a job at nearby St. John’s college bar instead.

No prizes for guessing which drinking establishment Oxford students will now be avoiding then.

Friends speak out on the loss of their housemate

BY ADAM THORN AND LUCY TAYLOR THE HOUSEMATES of York student Rob Davies have penned emotional tributes to the friend who disappeared after a night out in the city centre.

"Rob loved to go out and brought so much energy to every night," said Fiona Sheldon, who had lived with Rob for two years. "I'll miss all of us gathering in my room the next morning to look over my photos from the night before, and laughing at the crazy, happy faces he was pulling. He was such a fun person to be around."

His parents Kim and Tony described their son's passion for music, particularly the paino. "He played it to bits" they added. He had a diverse taste in music but his favourite song is Oasis' "Whatever" - which they hope to play at the funeral.

The Chemistry student went missing after leaving his friends in a York bar to walk the 20-minute route back to his house on Heslington Lane on a Saturday night two weeks ago.

Friends and family launched a high-profile internet appeal for information, including a Facebook group that now has almost 3000 members.

That has become a forum for tributes and messages of condolence for Rob's family.

Now his housemates have chosen to speak of their own memories of the two years they lived and studied with Rob. "I'll miss the banter, the insults, the tricks, the drunken singing and the inappropriate jokes," said Andy Day, who took the same subject as Rob as well as being put in the same house.

"You were a great friend and one of the few good people this world has. You will be missed always but never forgotten."

Last week the group organised a late-night search of York, in conjunction with the police, to highlight the importance of Rob's case and try to jog people's memories as to what happened on the night he disappeared..

Parents Kim and Tony thanks the friends that took part that night, saying that they were: "so grateful and touched."

Students and members of the local community turned out for the walk, which started from Fulford police station and continued into the centre of town.

"When such a wide variety of people turned up on the search night, it really showed how many different types of people Rob was friends with," said Fiona Sheldon, who helped to arrange and publicise the walk.

"He never discriminated or stereotyped, but could start chatting away

"You were a great friend and one of the few good people this world has. You will be missed always." to anyone about anything. His short life touched so many people."

The tragedy comes less than a year after the death of another York student, 22-year-old Robert Ailwood, whose body was found in the river last October after a night out.

Funeral arrangements for Robert Davies will be arranged after the body found in the Ouse has been formally identified. The university has agreed to pay for coaches to take students from campus here in York to the funeral, which will be held in Bury close to the student's family home.

"The last days I spent with Rob summed up everything that made him such a fun person to be around,"

said Fiona Sheldon.

"We were dancing around the kitchen to his new Kanye West album, not with any style whatsoever, but he was making me laugh and saying how everyone should just get up and dance in clubs, because we all look stupid anyway."

She said: "He always mocked me for taking hundreds of photos, but I'm glad I did now, we have so many to remember him by."

NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday October 9, 2007

MEMORIES ROB

The last everythindgays that I spent with be aroun that made him such rob summed up We were da a n perso en to his dn. ew ncing aroufu n to nd the kit style whatso Kayne West albu ch m ev , er n o , t with anybut he was and saying m h a ow k in everyo g me dance in clu bs, because ne should just get uplaugh we all look st and upid anyw Rob loved to ay. go o u t and brough to every nig t h so t – m i'll miss all o uch energy room the f over my phnoext morning (well, uasftgathering in my at the cra tos from the night bef er noon) to look ore, and la gh happy face mocked mzy ing for taking hs he was pulling. He u glad I did ne u n ow, we have so dreds of photos, balways ut many to rem ember himI’bm He was pass y. forever abo ionate about musi u c, t h h e is could new being in y room and pliiano and it was so ntalk Chopin frm ice st en in o m g quested. He across the hall or to him playing any Colplay was teachin I g me to pla y songs tore His room wa o. s n ext to m e I rememb in halls in 1s hearing thin t y the wall, aer ea r and e roots blari ng through huge pile onf d when I said I lik e it C , D h s e to copy. Pro gave me a sic on m a wide tayst laptop is from robbably half the mue and would – h share it weithad such h people.

When such on the searca wide variety of p eo le turned h night, it re different ally showped up pes of peo how many – he neverty ple rob was d is cr im fr ie in n ated or stereo start chatti ds with ng away to ty anyone aboped, but could ut anything.

His short gin to list alillfe touched so many p all the way the little things i'l meople, I can’t beiss about him so generouss he affected his clolse or also deep anand smiling and incr friends. He was ed d ib funny, b thoughtful a will never ut nd maturely . Our house but we’ ll alwbe the same again , ays rememb er him.

Fiona Sheld on

Me and Rob were kind o were put in f forced toget her at Uni. W in the same the same house, did th e tu in labs. As a torial group and w e same subject, wer er re e su ev lt en w pu togethere e en time toget er , either playded up spending fartto prank to ph in o uch g wo s or lay on a hou plotting som semate (nrm o rm ally Phil, so me I can remem rry!) . b er at th three days b e start of ou lo r se w in co g n d up over a th ing Phils o ousand ballyoear, we spent m with them either watro ons and ll, d u ri n ch g in w my taste in gi g sick horror films, hich time we werfi an hour pop rls. When Phil came or he was insultinge him. Rob, ping them while me a back, he spent abou t nd Rob laugh ed at I will miss th en singing a e banter, the insults, nd the in p th great frien ropriate joke tricks, the drunkd and one oap es. You were has. You wil f th e a l be missed a few good people th is world lways but nev er forgotten .

Andy Day

UNI BACK IN TOP 10

5

BY CLARE GRIBBLE THE SUNDAY Times University Guide has ranked York 8th out of the country’s top 100 academic institutions.

The standard of teaching was hailed as its main strength, which helped it retain its position as the best university in Yorkshire.

However, York lost its top ten position in both the Guardian’s league table and The Times Good University Guide, which ranked the educational establishment 15th and 16th respectively.

23 departments, including English Literature; History and Economics, were rated as “excellent” by the Sunday Times, with some subjects being awarded 5*.

As well as being ranked 6th for research, York was found to be 3rd in the country for teaching quality, below Cambridge and Loughborough.

The Heslington East expansion is rumoured to have played a part in the positive outcome in the Sunday Times, since the expansion is currently one of the biggest developments at any university across the UK and promises vast improvements.

Plans for enhanced sports and academic facilities and the introduction of new departments, such as Law, means that the newspaper believes York has the ability to “scale even greater

STUDENTS GIVEN VOTE ON NUS

BY ANNA BEVAN

Rob was a ilarious with, he coh son to liv uld make paer situation an joke out ofea d a lw ays k t us sm ny I will mis a il g. ll the laughep Andy hads, w s me, Rob ain at nd ch in g weird film ing up wit comour neighbhocrazy plans and anns,oy urs. ing I will even m sion (he w u iss his Man City obse ld be laughin sfor saying oth g at m and talented at). Rob was a fun, ke now ideas of th person and always hind ad gs to do. H teach us soin e of his ameawas going to skills this ym zi n gp for his frie ear. Rob always had iano me al person. Inds and was an inspirtiat wish he was nand I will nev still with uio er forget him s .

Phil Lester

STUDENTS WILL this term be given a chance to choose the future of YUSU's relationship with NUS, after Alcuin chair, Louis Wihl, proposed a motion to let students vote on whether the SU should remain within the Union.

The debate comes as a number of universities across the country have chosen to disaffiliate themselves with the NUS, claiming they do not have enough money to meet the £40,000-ayear membership fee.

However, Wihl insists that, “Although £40,000 may be considered a lot of money, we wouldn’t see the benefit of it if YUSU left the NUS, as the University would just not give us the funding in the first place.”

The question of whether or not to maintain this affiliation has been put off for three years due to the time consuming processes involved in organising a campaign. But Wihl claims that, "this is not a good enough reason” to put the matter on hold any longer and believes that students are entitled to decide if YUSU continue their partnership.

As well as supporting the University with legalities and libel difficulties, the scheme also entitles students to receive an NUS Extra discount card, which their website insists, "makes student life more exciting, more memorable and more rewarding".

But the recent increase in costs – students now have to pay £10 for a card that were previously free to obtain – has lead many to question the value-for-money a membership of the NUS provides.

“I think a debate will lead to a greater understanding of the place of NUS in the British University system and reveal to many why it is worth the money,” said Wihl.

6 COMMENT

YORK VISION Tuesday October 9, 2007

THE VOICE OF

Accommodation debacle

T

here's only one way to look at it. The accomodation situation, which has left hundreds of Freshers seperated from their colleges and even dispersed around York, is a disgrace. Dreams of a first week of meeting countless new faces, and forming lasting friendships whilst getting involved in absolutely everything that's going on on campus have literally been decimated due to the failings of our university management. Whatever the standard of our teaching, we cannot claim to be a top class institution if we do not provide the promised residential facilities for our new students. It's not really much to ask is it?

Full credit must go to the JCRC's of Vanbrugh and Langwith, who in particular have had to deal with displaced students and have done so, to date at least, with surprising success. But that's not the point. This is a situation that could, and should, have been avoided.

Freshers' Week

Saying what no-one else will...

Richard Byrne-Smith York may be top-ten

but don't forget the people who got us there

So, we’re back in the top ten. Well, according to the Sunday Times anyway. No doubt a bottle of celebratory champagne is being passed around - as we speak - inside the impenetrable doors of Heslington Hall. “Well done all” they’ll be saying - patting each other smugly on the back. And why shouldn’t they?

It was all their hard work, wasn’t it, Hes East and all that? Well no, actually, it wasn’t.

It was because of you, the everfriendly SU might suggest. This survey was different, they say - it included overall student satisfaction, so our opinions must have swung it. Well we got 75% - say that to the quarter who are unsatisfied.

An eighth-ranked position off the back of our alleged happiness? I think not.

Paying any attention to student politics and campus media, you could be forgiven for thinking that that’s it - the demographic exhausted. It’s just us, the SU lot and those pesky ‘admin bosses’ that matter, right? Wrong.

One entire layer of our university’s population goes quietly unrecognised - on campus at least - as the success behind York’s forty year-long winning formula. Time and again heralded on the national

stage as the jewel in our crown, this group of people are the absolute basis of our university system - yet they are rarely honoured as such on home turf.

Placed behind only Cambridge and Loughborough, the quality of our teaching is absolutely what makes York the successful university it is, and has been for the entirety of its existence. Ever wondered why your lecturer included himself on the reading list? Well, it’s not be-

cause he’s big-headed, he’s actually quite good.

It can be easy to forget why we most of us anyway - ultimately come to university. While cliquey, disconnected student politicians talk about

F

IN CELEBRATION

or you young'uns amongst us, very possibly picking up Vision for the first time, this could well be one of the best weeks of your life. There will be plenty of second and third years getting involved too, unable to resist revisiting the thrills and spills of their first days in York. The whole of campus, and the whole of York, will be buzzing.

Most importantly, check out Vision's Freshers' Bible, which will guide you through the essential sights and sounds on campus, in the city, and further afield.

But don't let these first weeks pass you by.

However bad you're feeling, take a couple of ProPlus and get back into the action!

Well done Vision!

C

elebrations are in order! York Vision has been nominated for Guardian Student Newspaper of the Year.

Whilst it's not time to celebrate yet, with The Oxford Student in particular a formidable rival, we have already made it to the top 5 student papers in Britain. We've got 5 nominations in all, with editors Adam Thorn and Lucy Taylor up for individual honours alongside Darius Austin and Rick Webb.

Let's take this opportunity to thank everyone who takes such pride in York Vision.

From writers to photographers, managers and editors, it's a real team effort, and we are incredibly proud just to be nominated.

constitutions and quoracies, it can seem as if your degree is, in the scheme of things, a low priority.

This is more than a miscalculation of concerns - it’s downright wrong.

Founded on the principles of progressive, edgy, forward-thinking, York is in severe danger of letting money override what made it great in the first place. Silently appreciated, yet rarely openly acknowledged, the university should make it clearer how much it values - if it does - the contribution its teaching staff have made over the years.

But it doesn’t stop at education.

As supervisors, academics play an invaluable welfare role - often spotting signs of trouble well before their more gimmicky counterparts in the Student Union and beyond.

Integral to campus life, yet rarely mentioned in campus discourse - it’s about time we started recognising how we are, in truth, getting our money’s worth with the quality of our teaching.

However, if the university administration thinks it can once again justify sitting in smug selfcelebration at our latest academic success, then it can think again. It may wield the money, but it most certainly does not wield the key to our national success.

OF:

DEADLINES

I’m not a particula rly unorganised person, bu t I entire summer in com spent my plete disarray. It is extremely difficult to do anything when you have the massive expanse of three free months in front of you. Yo u begin with plans for so much, but off-putting means you continual end up realising how little you have acally achieved.

FRAMED!

Depressing as they are, deadlines and their ass ociated pressure, therefore, are extremely useful tools for action . We all hate them, but the simple – and somewhat sad – fact is we can do nothing without them.

many L anghave meant nd York s p -u k c o c all arou Yet more rs are based with Freshe

YORK VISION Tuesday, October 9, 2007 Lucy Taylor Adam Thorn Iain Withers

Features Editors: Emma Barrow Deputy Features: Sian Rowe Hannah Wadcock

Managing Editor: Toby Scarisbrick

Lifestyle Editor: Charlotte Chung Deputy Lifestyle: Sophie Hurst Sarah Stretton

Editors: Deputy Editor:

Head of IT:

Sports Editors: Deputy Sports:

Photo Editor: Deputy Photo:

Lauren Cockbill Alex Richman Rob Romans Ollie Webb Alex Papushoy Tom Hole

Matt Kirman

News Editor: Richard Byrne-Smith Deputy News: Anna Bevan Comment Editor: Tom Sheldrick Cartoonist: John Sharp

Style Editor: Deputy Style:

Katie Jackson Kate Reeves

Social Sec: Web Editor:

Food and Drink: Deputy F&D:

Fiona Scott Lydia Mills

Travel Editor: Deputy Travel:

Beth Rudge Rod James

Facebook Editors:

Rob Romans JamesWatson Matt Kirman Iain Withers

7

YORK VISION Tuesday October 9, 2007

LETTERS

Write to us: Vision Letters, Grimston House Email us: comment@vision.york.ac.uk

Can I get an y food aroun Dear Vision, d here? it

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Although yo em cte to th ara e t ch nc ns ur ere ai yo ref tion on direct be taken ag end that I y far from a reflec i's victory, we spite dothat you tions, and certainl ent on the nature of Miss Mosalsk e a differThe part Ruth won de igning n io ak ct mm 'm A co to nt mpa Vision cannot ture attempts wrote, ‘Stude particu- ing no ca use she success in any fu y er ev u ca is yo be ’ sh m wi on do loser Ti and w . tious. It ence' on campus larly conten

Dear Vision,

Underworked and overpaid EDITOR

P

icture the scene: it’s Wednesday, 1 o’ clock, and myself, my co-editor, the Vice-Chancellor, uni press officer, news agency writer, half of Nouse and an entourage of senior admin staff have been told to drop everything for the arrival of a special guest at Hes Hall.

Of course my mind was buzzing, it could have been Gordon Brown, David Beckham or even Top Gear’s Richard Hammond (everyone loves him). Instead it was better than that; it was our brand new secretary of state for universities and innovation.

I know, I know, deep breaths.

Don’t fell intimidated that this goliath of politics has told me to drop everything to come and listen to him sell me his vision for how he’s about to get a generation of underprivileged kids (or chavs to our more middle class readers) into Oxford and Cambridge.

His idea is revolutionary. And it would have to be to justify is £100,000 a year salary. Right.

Wait for it. He’s going to get people that have been to university to go into these rough schools and tell them that they too can go there if they work hard.

Fuck me, he’s a genius. I can’t believe someone didn’t think of

it sooner. Apparently, these kids aren’t achieving because they lack inspiration in their lives.

Bullshit.

"His idea is revolutionary. Get people that have been to university to go into these rough schools and tell them that they too can go there if they work hard. Fuck me, he's a genius."

Sod inspiration. If I were attending one of the schools that Mr. Denham is talking about then I’d be more concerned about avoiding getting stabbed at lunch by some kid’s flick knife. To suggest that a problem as complicated as under-achieving schools and poor communities can be solved by ferrying in David Starky to give them a chat

Adam THORN is madness.

Here is the real reason why kids from underachieving backgrounds aren’t going to universities: their lives are shit.

They come from torn families, earning minimal wages in huge concrete tower flats with nothing to do with their time other than rolling a spliff and getting into fights. It’s no wonder that they get all fucked up. Hell, anyone living that tough a life would do. They can’t even go to the park to play football now, because they’re being converted into semi detached to feed our increasing growing population.

I remember visiting the home of a friend I worked with when I was about 16. She was in her 40s, lived in a small council flat and had a coin operated TV. She earned less than £5 an hour. But the problem is that she had no way of bettering herself. No way of moving up the ladder. If John Denham wanted to help her then he should have spent his money, not on some city academy, but on providing her with opportunities to make something of herself.

Unless you provide free training for the adults then the endless cycle of depression will never end.

YUSU PRESIDENT

Anne-Marie CANNING

Because you're worth it

W

hen people ask me what I do and I tell them I am the President of the University of York Students’ Union my answer is invariably followed up with the question, ‘Well, what do you ACTUALLY do?’ (Well, my Mum is still at a loss as to what I get up to in my new job!) So I found myself wondering, just how I can answer this question succinctly? As I’m guessing I will probably be asked it hundreds of times over the next year. The job denies definition, so perhaps it is best to consider what the YUSU President would get up to in an average day.

I have to admit that it came as a bit of a shock to the system to be dragging myself out of bed at 7.30am every morning. My English Literature days used to start with a good dose of morning television, but alas, no more.

I usually get into the office around 8.30am and respond to all the emails which have found their way to my inbox. I seem to get a lot of emails which are supposed to go to York Uni in Canada, which is a bit annoying!

Then I check my online calendar.

Next, I’ll read the big fat pile of agendas and minutes ready for my meetings. I have about four meetings a day, which are usu-

ally over in Heslington Hall.

(I need to get myself a nifty scooter to get over there really quickly from the Student Union building in Goodricke.) Sometimes I will present a paper to the university on a specific issue which I prepare in advance.

Sometimes I’ll go along ready for discussion. And other times I just go to listen.

The thing is, I know this sounds like pretty boring stuff, meeting after meeting after meeting. But it’s actually really interesting and very crucial.

This summer I’ve been working on the Hes East development, helping to manage the accommodation difficulties and getting together a report on academic satisfaction at York.

We’ve also kicked off the student venue working group and I’ll be looking for your input in the very near future!

So in a nutshell I guess my position exists to ensure that students are all healthy, happy and having fun at the University of York. It’s so corny, but very true. And it even makes the 8.30am starts worth it.

8

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday October 9, 2007

>COLUMNS

Emma BARROW

Fun on the farm

M

I

hate work experience. Not the said thing for a ‘wannabe’ journalist, I know, since we are always being told how important it is to build up an impressive CV and make industry contacts. And of course it is. But beyond giving you another couple of lines to tag on the end of the resume, does spending a week photocopying and making coffee actually teach you anything useful?

Now firstly, please forgive me for digging out the old photocopying/coffee-making cliché. Coffeemaking these days generally involves little more than putting a few coins in a machine, pressing a button and waiting for some vile brown muck to be dispensed.

Moreover, I can only recall one instance of being asked to use a photocopier. (Incidentally, my encounter with said machine was a hellish one which resulted in a serious paper jam and the temporary standstill of the Daily Mail newsroom.)

This summer, I spent three weeks on a placement at a major television news channel, and whilst I had a few good days when I was sent out to conduct interviews and shadow reporters, most of the time it was, quite frankly, boring.

Left to my own devices with only a computer screen for company, my penchant for Facebook stalking was taken to whole new level, but did I actually learn much about what it takes to be a journalist?

Well, no, not really.

Now at this point I should probably emphasise that I have had some positive placement experiences, particularly with local newspapers. Even some larger media organisations have provided me a structured programme and worthwhile knowledge. But whilst “you get as much out of something as you put into it” is a philosophy I would usually subscribe to, in this case it just didn’t seem to apply. I tried to be assertive and ask if there was anything I could do, but most of the time the question was greeted with an admittedly apologetic “no”, which made me wonder why they bothered accepting work experience requests in the first place.

So did I pose this question to my boss? No, of course I didn’t, for the same reason I haven’t named the channel and won’t be including this article in the portfolio I show to potential employers. Because it’s all about keeping the right people sweet in the hope that they write you a nice little reference and, maybe one day, give you a job. After all, a survey by the National Council for Work Experience found that 73 per cent of employers took people on permanently as a result of placements, Yes, for all my whinging, I have to admit that it is a necessary evil.

Nevertheless, I am looking forward to the day when I will be playing the role of cynical old hack, opposite a wide-eyed 16year-old who questions me on how he or she should go about becoming a journalist. “Ah, it’s all about the work experience,” I shall say, wistfully. “Now go get me a coffee.”

Tom SHELDRICK

y girlfriend looks cute in a checked farmer shirt; one hell of a lot cuter than I did at six o’clock on a Sunday evening in mid-August. Hands and face were smattered with oil, I wore a t-shirt with grease embroidery, and jeans ripped so much that my boss Charlie was just forced to observe: ‘if those were mine, you’d be able to see my big lad dangling out of there.’

Just quickly, while I’m on the subject… I reckon there’s a window of opportunity here. The View made themselves pretty darn famous singing about having ‘the same jeans on for four days now’, whilst Topman, French Connection and the like rip you off, quite literally it seems, auctioning holey jeans to the kind of Fresher I showed to his room this morning, complete with Seth Cohen tight polo-shirt. I’ll take it one step further… I’ll wear in your jeans for you, tear them practically to shreds, and cake them in grease.

And then sell them for little short of what you could get a brand new Dyson DC 16 vacuum cleaner for. And believe me, those things aren’t half bad. Perhaps an idea for the next summer holidays, I’m too busy with my history degree to think about it at the moment. Ha! Anyway, let me get back to telling you about my summer... I did the traditional thing and worked driving tractors on a farm, as a corn cart, or ‘chimp' as we were christened, to be more precise.

For those unfamiliar, it’s a bit like a grand prix really, with me as one of the pit-stop men, the

one trusted with getting the grain that’s just been combined back to the farm safe. Throw in the boss, and a Kiwi or two, and you’ve got yourself a harvest squad, complete with walkie-talkies and all. “HP 11 to 7.” “Standing by, receive, over”.

Yes, my parents were last week spotted at a barn dance, enjoying the Dosey-Doe and all, but before you start sketching me out on your Physics notepad as some kind of flat-capped Somerset-sounding little farm hand, it’s Radio 1 and not the sun that marks the passing of my day. When Mr Mills arrives with his 12 year old boy humour

at 4, I know I’m at least halfway! I did get a few brushes with nature though. Isn’t it just the feeling of the wind in your hair, whistling along at 8 (EIGHT) kilometres an hour on a 1970s Massey Ferguson 150 that makes you feel alive?! And, if it wasn’t for the dangerously un-kept stubble and o-so essential festival wristband you’d hardly know I was a student at all until mid-November at least, so healthy is my bank balance. I’m minted.

I was doing something pretty essential too. Farming makes the world go round it seems. Take every bit of Tudor and Stuart history I’ve

ever done. People only got rebellious when the local fixer (I don’t know why but I’m picturing Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption here) would no longer give them a pack of ciggys for their handful of corn. Right? Besides, ever wondered why at least a dozen 14-year-old kids end in hospital every year in week five of the summer holidays after testing whether your farts are indeed flammable, so bored are they by then, whilst there’s barely time to digest your stuffing and spouts at Christmas before being whisked off back to school. In the olden days, kids would work as manual labourers bringing in the harvest, and the holidays were built to fit.

Grain prices are on the up just at the moment, before you start getting worried.

So, summer complete, and apart from to my phone, which now appears to possess an unwanted antenna after an altercation with a power harrow, very few scars evident. Admittedly, when you’re on the 104th hour of week which included virtually demolishing a barn due to a slight trailer incident (despite briefly attempting a Shaggy-esque “It wasn’t me”, the blame lay firmly at my feet, the steering wheel firmly in my hands), the last thing you want is a wasp in your cab when you’re trying to make it home for Match of the Day. But that was before Emily came along and made it all better again. I mean, IF I’m back farming next summer, there’s no way I’ll be able to look at Mr Parker in the same light, now she’s re-named him ‘C 2th Pizzle’!

comment@vision.york.ac.uk

DRIVEN BY DOSH

Alex RICHMAN

I

t sometimes feels like I’m not really doing a BA – it’s all a smokescreen for the audit I’m performing. A new year means it all starts again. There’s another round of tedious paperwork to plow through, another round of tuition fees and accommodation payments to toss on the pile that is my impending financial ruin; another landlord to sidle up to, and another TV license to begrudgingly fork out for.

But what’s this?

An extended overdraft, you say?

Natwest, such extravagance is rarely seen outside of the ambassador’s dinner parties! It’s alright though, I won’t touch it…OK, just once, just to see what it feels like…

So now we’ve got Sky Sports, just in case I really was tempted to go to the library again. Some may call it a frivolous decision, but then again they said that when I bought the golf buggy, but now it only takes me four minutes to get to Halifax.

Next year should see another few hundred pounds of free (or is that interest-free?) money in our accounts. There’s some serious potential in this.

Thinking back to my first week at York, Politics head Matt Matravers explained his life of academia as less of a desire to better himself and inspire others, and more an excuse to keep living the life of a student.

He was definitely onto something.

If I did go the whole hog and stayed for a PhD, it would mean another few years of slowly swelling overdrafts. Sitting around all day and being rewarded with copious amounts of cash? I would be the student answer to Paris Hilton! I’d be like one of those middle-aged clerks that inexplicably starts going to the Bahamas and driving a Porsche because he’s been stealing hundreds of thousands of pounds from the pension fund – only I’d be putting one over on The Man, making a powerful statement on the odious buy-now-think-about-the-horrificlife-choice-you’ve-just-made culture that’s given Mr Ocean and his financiers such joy.

Besides, wouldn’t it be a waste, after three short years, to just toss away my NUS card and all the perks that come with it? Maybe there’s another way. Like I said, the library isn’t my scene; doing a PhD is definitely a last resort when it comes to staying a student. So what’s the soft answer, the easy way out (and incidentally the solution that a student should always be drawn to)?

It’s all about having the right attitude. You won’t get the clerical job if they can’t imagine you driving to work in a Polo and making do with a week in Benidorm; and you won’t

get a nice big interest-free overdraft if the bank doesn’t picture you caning cans of cheap cider and lying

"Sitting around all day and being rewarded with copious amounts of cash? I'd be the student answer to Paris Hilton!" to your seminar leader about doing the required reading.

Let me take you back to Vodka Revolution last Wednesday

night. It’s two-for-one on cocktails with a student card. I order two drinks, but I can’t find my NUS Extra. I’m sweating like Britney Spears’ publicist. The glasses glide into my hands…but that’s it! No card required!

You don’t have to actually be a student these days – you’ve just got to look like one. Act like one. Dress like one. Make peace with your inner intellectual.

Some may think that a lifetime of messenger bags, college-branded clothing and permanent stubble is a fate worse than death – but my recently graduated friends currently flailing around in the job market would give anything to be back in a world where high street lenders would climb over their own mother to give you £1500.

Besides, how else am I going to pay off the 22-inch steel rims on the buggy?

RUBBISH

YORK VISION dydd Mawrth Hydref 9, 2007

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Tuesday October 9, 2007

LIVING WITH THE GHOST OF HITLER

As he spends a year studying in Switzerland, Steve Ward finds himself in the midst of political riots and asks: could it really happen again?

A

ny student embarking upon a year abroad is likely to have a set of preconceived ideas and images about their host country. In the case of Switzerland a plethora of images come to mind: Swiss army knives, fondue and yes, even yodelling, yet the overriding legacy of Switzerland in the political imagination appears to be its historical

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I watched as young rioters set fire to bins and shouted demands for freedom

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neutrality and traditional embracement of civil liberties. Barely a week into my new Swiss life, however, I found myself in the midst of a political riot, watching confusedly as the 200 or so strong crowd of (predominately) young rioters rampaged through Lausanne city centre, setting fire to bins and shouting demands for “freedom” and “liberty”. Enquiring what was happening from one of the several disgruntled old women at the bus stop who were shaking their

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heads in disdain, a rather different picture of modern Switzerland and its increasingly tense political landscape began to emerge, which, whether I liked it or not, I was now a part of.

The political furore engulfing this normally peaceful country appears to centre around one man, Christophe Blocher, and his party, the SVP (Swiss People’s Party). The party has been condemned both nationally and internationally for its controversial tactics, which appear to incite hatred towards minority groups under the pretext of demanding a return to “traditional values”. The party, currently the largest within the Swiss National Council, has often vocalised its distaste for multiculturalism, Islam, working women and Swiss involvement in collaborative supranational bodies such as the EU and UN. Equally, it has been forthcoming in its support for such issues as private gun ownership, the national militia army and the reintroduction of the penal code.

So what exactly has the SVP done which has so strongly attracted the attention of human rights campaigners the world over and the special interest of the UN special reporter on racism, Doudou Diène? In the lead up to the October 19th elections the party has run a series of campaigns that appear to target minority groups and incite hatred. One poster depicts three grinning white sheep standing on a Swiss flag whilst a fourth black sheep is kicked off, with the slogan “For More Security” in bold below.

Another poster shows a group of

Muslims praying with the words “Use Your Head” written beneath.

The message couldn’t be clearer and neither could the targets.

Switzerland’s president Micheline Calmy-Ray has denounced the images as “disgusting”, whereas Interior

Minister Pascal Couchepin, from the right-wing Radical Party, has gone even further and compared Blocher to Mussolini, commenting on the similarities between the SVP’s campaign and fascist propaganda from the 1930s. Blocher,

currently Switzerland’s Justice Minister, is seeking re-election in the upcoming October elections. A celebrity figure in himself, Blocher, like a racist Eminem of politics, (continued on opposite page)

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YORK VISION

FEATURES

Tuesday October 9, 2007

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Blocher prides himself on saying things that other politicians dare not say

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low unemployment rate, it becomes clear that Blocher’s xenophobic rhetoric derives more from unadulterated bigotry than what is best for the country.

Posters of Blocher can be found throughout the city of Lausanne and provoke uncomfortable glances from passers-by. Whilst waiting for the lift down to the metro, I saw a man pasting a SVP poster onto the billboard. This wasn’t a Blocher supporter as far as I know, but simply a man whose job it was to affix posters to billboards.

Instantaneously awkward and anxious glances were passed amongst the group. Suddenly a big pink fascist elephant had appeared waiting in the queue for the metro. Four hours later, on my way home from university, I saw that the poster, like so many others all over town, had been defaced. Drawn onto Blocher’s

face was a curt little moustache and long strands of black hair across his forehead. In turn, the Swiss cross had been transformed into a Swastika. An anonymous hand had inscribed below: “One Fuehrer, One People, One Reich, NO!” Despite the melodrama of the enquiry, I couldn’t help but wonder if I was truly looking at the image of a resurrected Hitler, like many here have claimed. As someone who likes his politics left of the centre and even winces at the idea of the Conservative society at Freshers fair, I found myself agreeing with this unknown scribbler.

This party and its foreman was really not acceptable.

Tensions seemed to come to a head on 18th September when Blocher attended the Swiss Comptoir, Lausanne’s annual commercial fair at the Palais de Beaulieu. Outside a march of 2,000 protesters had been organised by Gauche Tout! and other left-wing organisations. Whilst the march itself took place peacefully, it was towards the end when the trouble began. Approximately 200 rioters (although estimates range from 200400) dressed in black, tried to gain access to the Palais de Beaulieu and then continued to rampage through Lausanne city centre. Most acts consisted of setting fire to bins, breaking shop windows and dragging obstacles into the roads around the Bel-air region, which essentially closed down the city’s central bus network. As we all stood waiting for our buses there was little we could do but watch as the mob continued on its way. The violence appeared to be more destructive than aggressive; as far as I know no one was targeted or hurt. Rioters were repelled by police who used both teargas and rubber bullets to disperse the crowd. By 9pm the police announced that the situation was “under control”.

So what was this? A demonstration of grief and concern, or an excuse for meaningless vandalism and gratuitous destruction? Many of the rioters appeared of immigrant descent and their aggressive demonstration may only serve to strengthen Blocher’s case that immigration and left-wing politics is weakening Swiss society. As I looked at the old women with their shopping bags shaking their heads, I couldn’t help but wonder if the protests had done a lot more damage to the cause of social liberty than anything Blocher himself had said. With this, and the international media’s salacious headlines asking whether Switzerland had become Europe’s “Heart of Darkness” in mind, I took to the streets of Lausanne to ask the people what they thought of the riots, Christophe Blocher and the SVP ,and to see how well the Swastika really fits.

When questioned about what they thought of the SVP’s racist posters, the overwhelming majority echoed the president’s sentiments of disgust. One young man referred to Blocher as “the devil”, then used a swear word that I haven’t as yet found an adequate translation to

do justice; a Swiss friend later told me that that “cunt” would appear to be a soft conversion. Amongst the young there seemed to be a real sense of anguish and distress regardless of reli- gion or ethnic background. When I asked a young Muslim woman how she felt personally, as a Muslim in Switzerland, she was quick to point out that she considered herself Swiss and that Blocher’s implication that being Swiss and a Muslim were mutually exclusive was both dangerous and “terrifyingly wrong”.

Amongst the older population I encountered some hesitation. It is worthy to note that the majority of the party’s support comes from farmers, businessmen and old age pensioners. Most commented on the country’s tradition for being a neutral and affable nation, but expressed concerns over increasing crime rates. Regardless, they still expressed alarm at the tactics of the SVP. One old man, perhaps mistaking me for a conservative (the horror!) considering I was wearing a shirt, seemed to take me into his confidence and delineate to me a few “truths”. “Switzerland needs a man like Blocher” he told me. “Immigration is ruining this country”. When I suggested that immigration was a good thing for the economy he simply shook his head in disagreement. Despite the

fact that nearly all people questioned, regardless of age, sex, colour or religion appeared disgusted with Blocher and the SVP, t h e undeniable truth is that the party continues to ride high in opinion polls leading up to the October elections. Perhaps I simply questioned the wrong people. but I couldn’t

I wonder whether or not Blocher does truly represent a reincarnate Hitler

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The normally sedate city of Lausanne

One of the SVP's controversial posters, carrying the slogan "For More Security"

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prides himself on saying things that other politicians dare not say.

The posters, however, are simply the tip of the iceberg in a long and terrifying portfolio of draconian proposals that Blocher and his posse wish to put forward. The party has launched a campaign to raise the necessary 100,000 signatures to force a referendum on whether or not to reintroduce the penal code. This code would allow judges to deport foreigners who have committed serious crimes upon their release from jail. Not too harsh I hear you say, especially following the intense media coverage of the decision not to deport the murderer of school teacher Philip Lawrence, Learco Chindamo. The proposal, however, includes the intention to deport the entire family of a criminal under the age of 18 as soon a sentence has been passed.

This constitutes the first such law in Europe since the Nazi practice of Sippenhaft, or kin liability.

The party states that their proposals are based on “statistical proof ” that immigrants are the chief source of crime in Switzerland. Blocher himself has stated that “ninety percent of the immigrants who are here are abusing the system”. He has called for the softening of anti-racial laws which he believes inhibit freedom of speech – an interesting oxymoron there. One in four workers in Switzerland is a foreign immigrant. However, when one considers that the Swiss economy is one of the most prosperous and stable in the world and has an extremely

11

help thinking that behind some of the professed distaste towards Blocher there was actually some seeds of support and that people were simply too afraid of being labelled racist to vocalise what they truly thought.

As elections approach, the SVP appears to make increasingly

strong statements and propositions. In truth, the proposals such as those concerning familial deportation have little chance of being passed within parliament, but still, the publicity they give the SVP is invaluable. Is Blocher et al simply all talk and no action, or as my grandfather would say “fur coat, no knickers”? I guess we shall see on October 19th, but the real question is can we afford to find out? As the spectre of fascism appears to stalk the streets of Lausanne, it is perhaps necessary to wonder what this example says about the state of liberty and freedom in today’s western world. As I ponder whether the actions of the rioters will in fact help Blocher to convince people that immigration is the decaying factor in Switzerland, I find myself speculating whether Blocher does truly represent a reincarnate Hitler or whether this is a slight over-exaggeration such as we’ve seen before with the likes of Jean-Marie Le Pen. However, as I wake each day to find a new pamphlet or poster from the SVP that has come through my door, I find myself asking whether I too, in my new country, am living with the ghost of Hitler; whether each night, when I go to sleep, the possibility of a repeat right-wing performance is not lurking in the shadows.

12 FEATURES

YORK VISION

GOING THE DISTANCE

Tuesday October 9, 2007

As many Freshers face up to the new challenge of a long distance relationship, Lucy Thornber wonders if love really can conquer all

H

aving to endure long periods separated by time and distance represents the ultimate relationship test. Inevitably, only the strongest will survive. But does the old cliché, ‘absence makes the heart grow fonder’ still ring true?

Recent research by the Centre for the Study of Long Distance Relationships in South Carolina (who else?), suggests that around 25% of students are currently in an LDR,

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It is a sad fact that many couples flounder within the first few months of starting uni

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and that a staggering 80% of students will be in an LDR at some stage of their time at uni.

With the beginning of a new academic year upon us, thousands of young people are leaving home for university without their partners.

At such an important stage of life, most of us tend to concentrate on our exciting new social life or academic success ahead of a romantic relationship.

Starting uni can be a daunting prospect. Like visiting another country for the first time, everything seems alien. You have to adapt to a new lifestyle with new friends in a different environment, and it’s essential to find your feet quickly. This is probably easiest if you’re single, as it’s better to throw yourself into the whirlwind of Freshers’ Week without half your mind on the person not there to share it with you.

It is a sad fact that many couples flounder within the first few months of starting uni. Often, this can be put down to the stress of the new situation, not to mention the numerous distractions and temptations of student life. New experiences and independence can change people irreversibly. It’s only natural to then ask yourself if your

existing relationship has passed its expiry date, and whether it’s serving any purpose to cling on to what you have for old times’ sake.

But is it really all bad news?

There are plenty of examples of couples whose relationships not only survive, but thrive long distance. One student, Alice, kept up a relationship with her boyfriend who was thousands of miles away in Senegal. For her, the internet was crucial in maintaining contact.

“MSN was indispensable. With a webcam it felt as if we were having a date.” Although she describes the separation as a huge strain, she blames the bad reputation surrounding LDRs on the pitfalls of modern life. “I suppose our generation wants instant gratification – long term commitment is a challenge. I think of my grandparents during the war who were separated for five years.”

Those reading this who are happily ensconsed in an LDR will be wondering what all the fuss is about. Indeed, many of the doomsayers fail to appreciate the good that can come from having your partner a train ride away.

Meeting up after time apart can make you especially elated to see your significant other (not to men-

tion every weekend becoming a potentially dirty one). An LDR can in fact bring you closer together as you realise how much you enjoy spending time with each other. Yes,

I suppose our generation wants instant gratification.

Long term commitment is a challenge it can take a lot of effort; but the rewards can make it worthwhile.

In this age of technology, for those with the willpower to make it work, it’s never been easier to carry on a fulfilling relationship with someone not close at hand. MSN, email, text, or even watching the same movie whilst on the phone can make distance seem irrelevant.

Surely if Alice can cope with her man being on a different continent, the rest of us can hang on to our sixth-form sweethearts in Nottingham, Norwich or Newcastle?

Does distance matter at all?

The Centre for the Study of Long Distance Relationships found that LDRs are statistically no more likely to break up than geographically close ones. Many would argue that the same relationship ‘rules’ apply for couples who live 300 miles apart as for those who live 30 minutes away. After all, isn’t it who we are as people, rather than the situations we face, which ultimately decides the fate of a relationship?

To really make an LDR last can take a special sort of person, and a special sort of couple. The pressure to maintain the levels of commitment and trust you did before is heightened, especially on a place like a university campus. However, facing obstacles is common to all relationships, and is a feature in the natural life cycle of a couple.

And, at the end of the day, does it matter, as long as you’re still happy and in love?

do

: Welcome the change.

Try new things, meet new people, have new experiences. If it makes you happy, your partner should be happy too.

doN'T

: Be clingy. Regular contact is good. Texting 24/7 isn't.

do

: Keep to a routine. Arrange the weekends you'll see each other in advance and stick to it.

doN'T

: Be jealous. Just as you are meeting new people your partner will undoubtedly be doing the same. Maintaining the trust is very important.

do

: Have quality time together when you do see each other.

It's great going out for meals in fancy restaurants, but try doing 'staying in' stuff too, so you can relax together.

doN'T

: Mope alone in your room.

Talk to your new friends when you're feeling lonely. Not only will it make you feel better, it'll help you bond.

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

13

LIFESTYLE

V

Tuesday October 9, 2007

>FOOD

>DRINK

>TRAVEL

>STYLE

MEAN BUSINESS?

Fetish?

Charlotte Chung discovers those who dare to put their money where their mouth is...

W

ith hit shows like The Apprentice, and Dragon's Den dragging us into the callous and cut-throat world of businnes.

We are made to believe that reaching what Alan Sugar would deem as a successful enterprise is as difficult as the holy grail. In fact, it is probably what many of us students aspire to. However, there has been a rumbling of entrepreneurial activity right here on our modest little campus. It's not easy to get an independent student business venture off the ground, being non-affiliated to the student union means having to fend for yourself capital-wise, getting all the nitty gritty such as legal support sorted, and losing out on perks such as free stall space during fresher's week and having your insurance taken care of for the day, which can come to a hefty total of £160.

With all the hassle, why do it? Indepently run student enterprises can offer more freedom over financial issues such as controlling the budget and better control media-wise, It can also offer jobs such as in PR and marketing in a more realistic business-like setting. Certain groups of students have stepped up to the challenge, and now with the added support of Cetle, set-up last year to help students develope enterprise skills, business is booming. Just take a look at these three student business ventures set to hit campus this year...

The Business Business Type: Events Estimated Profit: £7000

You would certainly have seen them running around campus trying to sell you doughnuts for absurd amounts of money. The brain child from the York Entrepreneurs Club, 'The Aprentice' took York uni by storm.

This year, rebranded as 'The Business', the manic 4-day challenge is bigger and better than before, set to take place in York, Sheffield and Leeds.

York Entrepreneurs Club have definately created a money maker, and its attraction to budding students who fancy themselves as the next Richard Branson is immense, although the £1000 grand prize this year would grab anyones attention.

As well as organising enterprise challenges, the York Entrepreneurs Club also organises guest speakers, and runs training sessions and business workshops all in the name of encouraging student enterpreneurship by providing inspirationa and education.

If you want to get your mits on that grand prize, applications are in for week four.

P14 What's your

*

CETLE

Cetle is a centre designed to enable staff and students to develop enterprise skills which will aid them in the future as social entrepreneurs, enterprising employees and successful business owners.

P15

How to Look Good Hungover

*

Cetle offers amazing facilities for student enterprises such as resource rooms with full publishing and design suite software, and an incubator full of computers and television conferencing facilities.

*

If you fancy setting up your own student business then get in touch with Andrew Ferguson who is the manager of Cetle to talk about your business plan.

Your: Lottery

P16

Fly to the Centre of the Earth

Business Type: Gambling

A student take on the National Lottery, Your: Lottery is pretty simple and self explanatory in nature except that the odds are much, much better. Where as the odds of winning the National Lottery's top prize is a scaringly depressing 1 in 13 million, with 1,500 students playing the odds are a much healthier 1 in 500, and the top prize isn't shabby either with a maximum potential prize at £1,040 for three students.

What started merely as a project for their management degree, Your:Lottery was the only student group that have made the transition to turn their project into a real business venture. Set up by eight management students, Your: Lottery is the UK's first student based lottery and can only be played by student's attending York University.

The end aim of Your: Lottery is to be able to function as an independent business where the profits go to charity. And now that they have secured backing from several external organisations including York council, Your: Lottery seems ready to roll.

P17

AND...

Fight the Flu!

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday October 9, 2007

14

Fetishes: Welcome to The Dark Side of Sex Doran O'reily ponders why breaking the 'norm' has never been so sexy...

F

etish- the very word itself now warrants cheeky smiles and blushes galore, but what exactly is a fetish? How many of us can truly say we have fetishist desires in some form?

Intrepidly exploring the shady recesses of human desire (and indeed the net) we endeavour to clear up the mystery of shoe masturbation, armpit worship, rubber loving and the like. To illuminate those hidden corners of desire and dispel any fuddyduddy conceptions, bringing you the low-down on this little talked about taboo- and to wonder in amazement at the stranger acts among them!

So, what does fetish mean in modern day sex? It’s distinguishable from role-play, but can encompass role-play. Confusing really but it’s the difference between a couple deciding to try a police role-play as a random exploration, and someone becoming rapturously aroused at the very thought of being given a parking ticket.

Role play is, having said that, an obsession that can verge on the fetishist. Fetishes can be obsessions, or strong desires for those things not considered ‘vanilla’ sexual activities. Becoming clearer? Not really, but we all seem to “know” the difference between

an obsession and a fetish. Ultimately, a fetish is an extreme.

There is clearly a range involved here, but there is one consistent feature to fetishes which makes them such an evocative niche. Fetish has always

ing element of subversion, after all if tying ourselves to doorframes was run of the mill behavior; it wouldn’t be nearly as exciting.

Clearly though discussing our desires is still difficult, e v e n when

stimulated the desire for forbidden fruit because it has associations of perversion, something which breaks taboo.

To engage in fetish is the ultimate in naughtiness.

Breaking the “norm” has an enticing, scintillat-

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T!

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FI

This model is one of the students whose hair design was created that evening.

spanking, but for some there’s nothing more exhilarating than to have crocodile clips festooning their nipple; each to their own really. Then we arrive at bodily fluids, this is pretty self explanatory, sufficed to say their mantra is better out than in, and better all over your face if you don’t mind.

Fundamentally, most fetishes exaggerate the familiar patterns of dominance in a couple- or a group.

This article has barely scrapped the surface of the deep, dark and kinky world of fetishes.

Fetishes are becoming more and more extreme. Take for example, the two men who met over the internet; one man wanted to be eaten and the other wanted to eat a man, and so… they met and got on with it. Ok this is probably the most extreme example, but fetishes are taking on a new weird, wonderful and occasionally dangerous role in our society. And as this example proves, people are beginning to share their secrets.

Society Stunner Name: Carina Law Society: Pant soc College: Alcuin

Last year, 3D Hair and Beauty provided our hairdressing services to models in the Fusion fashion show at York University.

The second caller will get 40% off and the next 20 people will get 30% off.

within relationships. By their very natures, fetishes are controversial and can therefore spell, in some cases, relationship suicide. Vision sussed out one York student who offered his solution; online networking websites.

Sites such as match.com or gaydar.co.uk provide a way for a couple to explore their “interests” subtly, by simply clicking the appropriate boxes on the profile pages. This method somehow takes the sting out of having to declare the desire aloud and also gives a convenient list to pick from.

The fetishes are a huge commercial market. It encompasses a diverse spectrum of tastes, desires and interests.

Fetishes represent a personal spectrum of extremes. Bondage for example, may start with those fluffy leopard print cuffs you were bought for your 18th but could end with you being leather strapped to the ceiling with an eight ball in your mouth; it all depends of course on personal preference.

It’s a similar story with S and M, we’ve all tried playful

Could your Society Stunner sizzle in Vision?

Or is your entire society just chock-full of hotties?

Share your fitness with the world!

3D Hair and Beauty 15-19 The Shambles York 01904 623166

Send any photos to lifestyle@vision.york.

ac.uk

15LIFESTYLE

>STY E

Caetlin jumper, Aquascutum £525

HANGOVER CHIC

Picture courtesy of stylefinder.com

YORK VISION

Helen Nianias and Imogen Willetts on how to look good hungover

A

t university, there will always be those mornings when you wake up, look in the mirror and faint with shock at just how awful your reflection seems. You struggle to remember the events of Toffs/Ziggy’s/Gallery (depending on your personal preference), and, standing bleary-eyed in front of your wardrobe, fondle your alcohol-bloated belly with a mixture of disgust and bewilderment, wondering what to wear.

Much like the inimitable Gok Wan’s programme “How To Look Good Naked”, we are here to help you disguise those bags and help you realise that actually, you never look as terrible as you first think. Last night’s make-up is probably your first port of call, so address the matter at hand, and wipe the worst of your eyeliner off from under your eyes/cheeks/chin.

No need to wash your hair – it wont make you feel better, it will just con-

sume valuable tea-drinking time.

A hangover is, and it is crucial to remember this, a state of mind.

Your mother has probably told you that “a smile is the most important accessory” (eugh, we know) but this annoying Mum-ism does have some merit. We bet frowning, pouting Victoria Beckham, squeezed into some body-con nightmare, would look awful with a hangover, but someone like eternally chirpy Miquita Oliver embraces the fun she has the night before, and doesn’t cover it up by wearing a twenty-first century corset. As tempting as it is, don’t try and plaster yourself in too much VB style foundation, and embrace the grot. It’s more fun that way.

It’s all about acceptance. The girl in denial will desperately squeeze herself into her tight skinny jeans, tight fitting ‘sexy’ tee and feel awful. Comfort is key, and we have, in our optimism, concluded that

comfort = confidence = looking better. Think ultra-soft cashmere, not scratchy nylon. There are some reasonably priced cashmere goodies on the high street, think M&S, and Uniqlo have a blue cashmere V neck flared sweater for £69.99 (pictured).

Instead of the tight skinnies, go for some stretchy leggings worn with Ugg Boots, or plimsolls. Despite the fashion-magazine-led Ugg-bashing, they do look nice, they are comfortable and they will feel better than high heels. The laid-back look is also a good idea, boyfriendfit jeans or a baggy lumberjack checked shirt – have a look in Expressions. Style can be extremely forgiving, and minimal effort (including stringy, greasy hair) is perfect for that rolled-out-ofbed-into-blokes-clothes guise, just right for a hangover.

Tuesday, October 9th, 2007

if you like...

The Dolce & Gabbana belt (A/W 07-08)

priately dressy. Also, warm, knitted scarves will cover lovebites and add comfort to a grim day; cosy, chunky and enveloping, knits are huge this season, and are both flattering and practical as they ward off the cold York weather.

A flash of colour could help to lift your mood too. This yellow sweater tunic from H&M will keep you looking colourful and feeling ‘fresher’ (pun fully intended - we on the style team have a “wicked” sense of humour, as you can tell) than your old school hoodie. The sunshine/ mustard yellow is ideal early-morning lecture wear.

At the end of the day, hangover chic is about not taking yourself too seriously, whether you are downing revolting shots in Ziggy’s or wearing a brightly coloured put-together-at-the-last-minute ensemble.

Wouldn’t Gok be proud.

If this just isn’t your style, a nicely fitted trench coat will be your saving grace. TopShop have a good variety at the moment. The herringbone coat will emphasise your waist, and draw attention away from the hangover without being inappro-

you'll love...

Miss Sixty's patent wide Oxford belt for a high shine, dominatrix kick to your outfit, £35.

For a bangon-trend look, get your hands on Topshop's elasticated waistcincher with leather panels for effortless style, £20.

Knitted beret, Boden £19

Scarf, Mango £20

Ribbed long socks, Maxmara £19

Cotton T-shirt, American Apparel £10

Sweater tunic dress, H&M £20

Herringbone fitted trench, Topshop £85

Pictures courtesy of stylefinder.com

Leather bib-front jacket, Miss Selfridge £100

From the knees down Katie Jackson talks tights, socks, and all things colourful to carry you through the winter months ...it is by no means necessary to emulate the Inuit by donning Mummy's thermals...

V

Nonetheless, for all us lucky people living in York’s glacial microclimate, it is by no means necessary to emulate the Inuit by donning Mummy’s thermals and attach-

ing tennis rackets to the soles of your feet. The autumn/winter collections this year were filled with

V

Y

ou may have noticed, after moving all your earthly possessions into the new digs (be it college accommodation or the local Holiday Inn), and reminding yourself that you must always close the curtains when choosing what to wear, that the impending scent of the Yorkshire winter is in the air.

Fresh from the recent flurry of excitement over the spring/summer 2008 collections shown in New York, London, Milan and Paris, arriving in the infamously cold Northern regions of England may seem, for some, slightly depressing.

jewel and berry brights: Alberta Ferretti’s muted emerald greens, bright blue tights at Balenciaga, and this season’s favourite shades

of purple and mulberry at John Galliano, and both cuts and hues have now infiltrated the high street so you can fill your wardrobe with a colourful optimism to carry you through the winter months.

Despite the temptation to show off your holiday-bronzed limbs, ribbed tights are the most interesting and successful way to lift any look, adding texture to your bottom half without excessive heaviness, and metallic or leather treggings can also inject a sophisticated edge; try American Apparel, Miss Sixty and Urban Outfitters for some high-street-priced designer looks.

My personal favourite this season however, is the high-street’s Prada inspired offerings of knee-length socks. With a huge variety of texture, fabric and cut available, kneehigh socks are the most fashion for-

ward pieces for your wardrobe this winter, and teamed with some patent leather shoe boots, are the epitome of winter chic this year. Maybe the cold’s not so bad after all…

Opaque tights, Linea at House of Fraser, £6 each

For those who fancy blowing their student loan on a signature piece, Fendi have this fabulously versatile gold cummerbund belt for just £305.

River Island's studded beauty combines hard and soft for a belt with attitude, £24.99.

This double buckled leather effect belt with gold metalware has such a versatile colour it goes with absolutely everything, trust us.

From asos. com, £12.

16 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

>FOOD&DR

NK

Tuesday 9th October, 2007

A Taste of Home Sweet Home

Truly scrumptious...

• PLUNKET'S Situated on Petergate, near the minster, Plunket's did this food & drink editor proud when I dragged the parents there for a slap-up feast before they left me to the joys of student food.

Try the Gourmet Burger for a posh twist on a classic.

... and positively unpalatable...

• STARCHY DIETS Recent research has shown that diets rich in potatoes, white bread and white rice may cause 'fatty liver', which can potentially lead to serious illness. Such foods have been linked with potentially fatal liver failure in later life.

• RISING WHEAT COSTS Food companies have warned that the price of bread will have to rise to cover the increased cost of wheat. Looks like we'll be shelling out more, er, dough for our bread, then....

1. Godzilla Pie This particular idea originated from a simple cheese pie (mashed potato with layers of cheese, baked in the oven) and became a house

favourite, seemingly acquiring new ingredients every time it was made. The name stems from the colossal size of our attempts at this dish.

The great thing about this is

What better to make you feel right at home than some good old-fashioned comfort food?

V

• BRITISH FOOD FORTNIGHT Running from 22nd September to 7th October, it celebrates everything great about British food. And why not enjoy something from our fair isles rather than racking up the food miles with imported products?

A

h, freshers week.

The very thought of it brings back memories of a new room, new friends, new experiences.

Exciting though all of this was, I think I was perfectly happy for one thing to remain the same: food, glorious food. So, what better to make you feel right at home amidst the buzz of freshers week than some good oldfashioned comfort food?

With my student head screwed firmly back on after a summer of very limited brain use, I turn to Wikipedia. That saviour of many a midnight essay defines comfort food as ‘typically inexpensive, uncomplicated, and easy to prepare’ - perfect for students on a budget.

It suggests people eat comfort foods for a sense of continuity and that they are typically composed of simple or complex carbohydrate.

The sustenance of choice in my house was mainly mashed potato, pasta dishes, and, of course, a nice cuppa and biscuits. But what’s a slightly more ambitious cook to do? Your resident Vision foodie has compiled a couple of recipes, kindly donated by friends, for you to try.

V

the Vision Hot list

On the brink of her second year at York, Lydia Mills recalls her freshers week food favourites and suggests recipes to remind you of home.

that anything goes - you can use up all those half-cans of beans/tomatoes/spaghetti and anything else still edible you have lurking at the back of the fridge.

To make your own, you’ll need lots of potatoes, boiled until soft and mashed with lots of butter, a splash of milk (or cream, if you’re really pushing the boat out), salt and pepper.

While they’re boiling, get the biggest pan you can lay your hands on and heat some oil. Fry off any vegetables you want - peppers, onions, mushrooms etc - or alternatively boil things like carrots

Fight the 'flu!

W

hile we're on the subject of freshers week, I can't help but remember the time, about 10 days into my first term here at York, when the hot and cold flushes started setting in, and I surrendered to the fact that yes, I had the fabled (and much dreaded) freshers' flu.

Amongst the late nights, drinking, takeaways and microwave meals that became my diet for the first couple of weeks, it wasn't suprising that my immune system wasn't quite up to scratch.

Getting your 5-a-day may prove a bit of a challenge, as it means having to buy fruit & veg on a fairly regular basis, unless, as some of my housemates found out, you want to discover a forgotten mouldy banana at the back

in with the potatoes, remove when cooked and add to the big pan. Also add any meat at the frying stage. Firm favourites include cut up bacon, sausages and chicken.

When all that is cooked through, add any liquid ingredients you have like beans, tinned tomatoes, or maybe a jar of sauce. Make sure it’s all heated up and transfer to a large casserole dish.

By this time, your potatoes should be done, so mash as suggested above and spoon onto the top of your concoction. Flatten with a fork and grate as much cheese as you like over the top.

Finally, put it in a fairly hot oven until the cheese is golden and bubbling. Serve and enjoy the warm, satisfying feeling.

2. Rocky Horror This one is an approximation of a pudding my housemate had in a restaurant and wanted to make at home. It has cake, it has ice cream, and it has chocolate sauce.

Heaven in a bowl, and a fitting end to your comfort food feast. The recipe will serve 6 very hungry people.

For the cake: Preheat the oven to 160C/Gas 4. In a bowl, cream 175g butter/margerine with 175g caster sugar.

Beat in 3 eggs. Sift in 175g self-raising flour, 2 tbsp cocoa powder and 1 1/2 tsp baking powder and stir gently. When it’s all mixed in, put in a lined cake tin or two, depending on how big your tins are. Bake in the oven for about 25 mins, checking it half way through.

When it's done (the cake will spring back when pressed in the middle), turn out onto a cooling rack. Relax and lick the bowl.

For the sauce: Heat 2 tbsp water, 40g butter and 50g caster sugar in a pan over a low heat until the sugar dissolves. Bring to the boil and add 75g icing sugar and 25g cocoa powder, sifted. Beat until smooth.

To assemble: Cut up the cake (still warm is nicest) and place in bowls. Put a scoop of vanilla ice cream on top of each piece of cake.

Pour over the chocolate sauce and serve.

The only thing left to do now after you’ve filled up on all that lovely food (apart from the washing up), is to enjoy your freshers’ (or refreshers’!) week, complete with that well-fed feeling to keep you going.

Remembering her own freshers' flu experience, Lydia Mills starts you off on your way to a healthier freshers week and beyond.

of your cupboard.

It’s particularly crucial now to help avoid freshers’ flu (then again, you’ll probably get it anyway, no matter how much Vitamin C you get down you – sorry!)

But fear not, young student!

There are a few ways to get round your gone-off greens dilemma.

Iceland (on Fulford Road go across the Stray from campus, through the barracks and you’re there) sells lots of different frozen vegetables at £1 for 1kg, which are really handy for a quick vitamin fix, and they don’t go off like fresh veggies do.

My favourite is the mixed sliced peppers - fresh ones can be anything between about 65-80p, so at £1 for absolutely loads, you can’t go wrong, and they’re great for stir-frying from frozen.

That links nicely to the next pointer - make stir-fries a-plenty. As someone who wasn’t overly keen on veg when I came to uni, I found stir-frying a great way to pack in the healthy stuff without noticing it too much.

Another benefit is that pretty much anything goes, so you can use up whatever you have in one go.

To make a quick, cheap sauce, add about 2 dessert spoons light soy sauce and 1 dessert spoon sweet chilli dipping sauce to your pan, with a squeeze of lemon or lime juice if you have it.

As for fruit, a good way of getting one portion in is dried fruit - 3 dried apricots is a whole portion, and they’re easy to nibble at instead of reaching for the biscuits. A small glass of juice is another pain-free way to do this.

Vision food and drink has received a very reliable recommendation of the greengrocers’ on Heslington Road near the Spar – apparently they’re very friendly and great value, so buy your fruit and veg goodness there if you’re going down that way.

Hopefully, that advice should help you ward off the freshers’ flu and eat your way to a happy, healthy year at uni.

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday October 9, 2007

>TRA EL

JOURNEY TO THE CENTRE OF THE EARTH

Lauren Cockbill explores the secret that is Ecuador...........

M

y holiday was spent in the small, South American nation of Ecuador. Whilst only being the size of Colorado, it boasts one of the most culturally and biologically diverse landscapes in the world; from volcanoes to beaches, from the Amazon to bustling towns. It took thirteen, long hours to make the journey but every second was worth it.

Early into my Ecuadorian adventure I travelled two hours west of Quito to the rain forest, for my maiden white-water rafting experience.

As I travelled away from the capital, the landscape started to transform.

Away from the high rise buildings of the city appeared luscious green forests. The density of the surrounding forests was startling, as I began to imagine the multitude of wildlife inhabiting this beautiful empire. To me this was the real South America; an abounding sea of green, eluding urbanization’s claw.

Our destination was the Río Blanco, the winding river of the Ecuadorian jungle. Stepping out of the mini bus into the heart of the forest was breath-taking. On either side towering trees stood like kings, and in the distance mist enveloped the horizon. The only sound in this arena of

tranquility was the rushing of the river.

The rafting itself was exhilarating.

We were swept along at an alarming pace as the ferocious rapids showed us no mercy. In a particularly torrid part of the river the water would come crashing down on us. It sounds horrific but it was brilliant.

When the rapids had subsided we floated along gently which gave the opportunity to absorb the surroundings.

Three hours later we had finished our course and what better way to conclude the day’s excitement than by eating. Burritos were prepared for us with an array of fresh fruit for dessert. With our limbs tired and our bellies full it was time for the three hour drive back to Quito.

My next trip was far less up-beat. I traveled into the hills of Papallacta to relax in some hot springs. Lying in one of the five naturally heated spas, set against voluptuous rolling hills, was idyllic. It was a far stretch from the adrenaline-fuelled rafting voyage of two days ago. The one similarity was the ridiculous

head wear. When rafting I had to wear a mushroom shaped helmet, here I had to wear something that resembled a swimming cap, for hygiene reasons I was told. It was hard to take anyone seriously wearing those things!

In two more days time I visited Cotopaxi. Standing at 19,347ft tall, Cotopaxi is one of the highest active volcanoes in the world. Her overwhelming stature gives her a divine aura. She presides like a governor of Quito, watching over her city from an astounding height. The native Ecuadorians of Quito believed that if Cotopaxi erupted it was because she was angry. With such a presence, it is of little surprise that they considered her a deity.

Upon reaching the point where cars can drive no further, I attempted to venture onwards by foot. The atmosphere was eerie. Due to the altitude it was difficult to walk for more than a minute without becoming breathless. It was the ultimate paradox being on the equator in the midst of a hail storm. Looking up from my view point one could see Kotopaxi in all her glory, her snow topped peak glistening like diamonds. Looking down was like beholding Genesis.

Bar ren wastel a n d stretched f o r miles without a

speck of hum a n development.

The following day I was able to satisfy my love of shopping, or should I say my love of shopping for a bargain. The town of Otavalo, two hours north of Quito is home to a thriving textile in-

Mount Cotopaxi dustry. I visited Otavalo on market day with high expectations and was not disappointed. The sellers are open to bartering so I was always able to knock a few dollars of the original price. For the equivalent of approximately seventeen pounds I bought a chess set with Spaniard and Inca pieces, a gorgeous painting of Cotopaxi, two pairs of silver earrings, a t-shirt and a little bean ball.

All in a good day’s shopping!

The Old Town of Quito is a feast for the eyes. The Basilica dominates the landscape, as its intricate, sculptured spires soar into the sky.

For a small fee, the public are able to climb all the way to the top. The climb upwards was daunting, but the panoramic views from the Basilica’s towers make it very worthwhile.

The Old Town is also host to an abundance of gold. Dating back to colonial times, Roman Catholic churches still stand adorned in gold ornamentation. Such lavish decoration is surreal and one cannot help but consider the church’s hypocrisy. The poverty in Quito, and indeed Ecuador, is probably an upsetting sight for most western tourists. It is not on an abysmal Ethiopian level but some sights are harrowing. Limbless beggars and street children act as a sharp contrast to the vast amount of riches lying dormant in the churches.

My final excursion was to Mitad del Mundo, which literally means middle of the world. Around

the 1700s the French came to Ecuador to determine the exact location of the equator. They were about 200m out with their calculations but nevertheless it was a remarkable achievement considering their humble apparatus, and there now stands a magnificent monument celebrating the equator. There is also a museum where tourists can take part in various tests to prove that they are standing on the real equator. A basin is filled full of water and then placed on one side of the equator. When the plug is released the water swirls clockwise in the southern hemisphere and anti-clockwise in the northern hemisphere. Placed on the equator and it falls straight down the plug hole: no whirlpool. Another activity involves placing an egg on a nail which, on the equator is easiest, due to the forces cancelling each other out. The museum also involved a tour of artifacts, such as huts, weapons and clothes that belonged to the indigenous Ecuadorians.

Amazingly, Ecuador is still a well-kept secret. Despite its diverse natural beauty, amiable climate and rich cultural history, it has ostensibly escaped the commercialism of destinations such as the Caribbean.

So the next time you feel the urge to travel this summer, consider Ecuador; I guarantee a trip bursting with adventure and surprise.

17

travel log Like the U.K. Sweden has had a very wet Summer, yet I managed to catch possibly the last good week of weather before the dark autumn set in. I flew in to the Stockholm area and after an efficient coach and train transfer, arrived in Scandinavia’s oldest university town: Uppsala.

One of the most remarkable things about Uppsala is the visibility of its long history.

First of all you can see fossilized creatures inside the Sandstone slabs used to make its principle buildings. Then there is the evidence of the glacial movements that shaped the regions landscape at the end of the last Ice Age. This is succeeded by Uppsala’s Old Town, which unlike most old towns in Europe takes you back to the 5th Century rather than the 12th or 13th. The old town contains a sequence of huge burial mounds that according to Scandinavian legend house the first Kings of Sweden and even the God Odin himself. Spread around the town are large Rune Stones which make use of intertwined Pagan and Christian symbols, and contain messages of remembrance written in the Runic alphabet.

In modern Uppsala the atmosphere around the town is very relaxed. Everyone is taking time to enjoy a coffee or a stroll through the city’s wide streets. The relaxed air extends to the student Nation Houses- imagine York colleges open everyday with restaurants, theaters, bars, clubs and lounges rolled into one. As a visitor you can get a student pass for the duration of your stay. The best thing about this is that it allows you to join student breakfasts which involve a huge buffet with breads, cheeses, salads, drinks, followed by a second course of waffles with clotted cream and fruit. All of this costing less than £5.

Uppsala is a great place to visit if you want to see more of Sweden than the tourist spots of Stockholm. It allows you to see what student life is like in Scandinavia, visit the Baltic coast and see the major attractions in Stockholm. So my advice to people wanting a holiday in Europe with a difference is befriend someone from Uppsala University, so you

can enjoy the town on the cheap and get your Krones now while the exchange rate is favourable!

By Jeffrey Wright

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M41824 York 350x263.indd 1

3/10/07 18:30:45

FRESHERS

BIBLE the definitive guide

genesis

2

the york freshers bible

y there was cre- s On the secoofndvileda , putrid water. This wa

ing there was rs In the begiann void, for the Freshe York. But it was N were without knowledge. And VISIO provided LIGHT, which separated the the interesting from the mundane, newsworthy from the anally retentive crap that Nouse print. And it was so..

And this was the end of the first day

ated an expanse and was home to the algae, and the bicycles, unto called the Lake. And VISION looked rless in fea the Lake, and sailed a boat across it, the face of duck poo.

ird O n the th“Le day VISION said: that t

the Freshers discover there is a corner of the Garden of Eden on Campus, that is called the Quiet Place. Here, man and woman can frolic, naked and free, exploring the forbidden fruit of the bushes. And VISION saw that it was good.

y campus was On the fif thwitda h the rabbits,

brought into life, the and the ducks, and the swans, and geese. And more poo. And VISION s, saw the geese, and was scared shitles and this made more poo.

On the

sixth day

the bank accounts were emptied, and the balance was zero, for the student loan company had forsaken them. And VISION found that there was an interest free overdraft, and the Freshers were gladdened.

day On the four th ligh t,

there was even more but the Freshers did not get to see it for they were still in bed, sleeping off their hangovers and regretting tasting a housemate’s forbidden fruit the previous day. And VISION told them not to worry, for they would laugh about it later. But it was awkward.

Sabbath And on thebib le analoVISION ran out of gies and journeyed to the Evil Eye for a good old Sunday roast.

modation ked unto the new Vanbrugh accom (And on the 400th day, VISION loo ) and saw that it was still not finished.

the york freshers bible

FEEDING THE 5000 After the excesses of the week of the fresher, the freshers became hungry. And Vision said unto them: "Eat now, for thou art in need of a hearty feast." And the freshers wondered from whence this feast would come. Vision saw their confusion, and said: "Have faith, freshers of York! There are many establishments catering for every occasion in this city. Get thee to the eateries of the list of Vision, and there you will find what you seek.

But first, thou must decide on the nature of thine hunger. Choose not at random, but according to the categories of the list of Vision. And then thou shall be satisfied." And the freshers did go unto the restaurants, and it was good.

d o o f t s fa

nd thou flatmates a r it hath e in th ll a kitchen fo hast met an After thou ditch thine studentthou must seek out to s, rd th o te w n a r w o messy fo become to, lest you starve. e v alternati u shall : . There tho mmendeth da Vision recoon Little Stonegate value for money an d o ’s r o a g , sc O yard ered court ge Hudfind a cov osphere. ) on Geor od ’s o tm b a m ly u d (J fo n frie d Chinese bo Buffet York Jum There thou shall fin shall son Street.r £5 with NUS. here thou 50% T . te a g r fo te with a-plenty alia on Low Pe .

Mondays, Bella It udent discounts on a main and a drink le. p st st e o y e y u p ft b ou per 4 find he od bill if th udent card off thine fo also have a valid st Thou must

R E P P U S T S A L HE

T

em to purpersuade thf pricing st u m u o o t , th g a restauran ine parents York by thr this, thou requirest er all, they are leavin to d e rn r tu ft o fo re A F s . t. rt g u a ty in e o u When tho st of the slap-up vari ine parents to shellent loan on pretty thnt for thine chase a feathou can persuade thspendest thine stud y read and equipme as dear as es of famine if thou u shall never actuall you in tim , weighty tomes tho urgthine room gourmet b s, n io rt o p computer. s nd generou great ou shall fi endeth: th m re m e o h shall find c T u re . o te th a g re r e .

Vision te h people on Pe ms. T Plunket’s y pictures of famous old Assembly Rooornate borders. n e d a reasonable n th a m ers and treet, in h towering pillars ‘Evil Thai’ food for with the alcoS e k la B nerous Ask on grand interior wit all find they are ge ere thou sh a pizza and on Stonegate. Th riced cocktails. But Evil Eye not-so-reasonably-p d prices. An is good. it d n a l, ho

the forbidd en fruit Sometimes, need of a g thou art in ood pud.

And thou need for this good pud, cious desse st a place with deli rts.

Vision reco m Varsity on mendeth: Lendal. T thou shall here late fudge find fantastic choco c other dess ake, along with too!) at stuerts (and good main s d Wethersp ent-friendly prices. o o n ’s on Piccadilly. T lovely cho here thou shall find colate ice bomb. cream Betty’s in Square. T St. Helen’s beautiful (ihere thou shall find cakes and f rather expensive) with lashinpuddings, complete thou must gs of tea. However, brave the q be prepared to ueues.

So Vision saw that the freshers were eating well. And Vision said unto the freshers ‘Go forth and eat well, and pass your newfound knowledge of these eateries to your children, and your children’s children, and your children’s children’s children.’ And the freshers did not do this, for that would be silly. But they were full and it was good. And Vision kicked back with a nice cold beer, and Vision was satisfied that it had done its job. Amen.

DIVINE INSPIRATION IF GOD WAS A DJ...

1

TOFFS ✰✰✰

2

Ignore the music, go for the bottles of 84p ‘champagne’ given away

by Karl, York’s favourite DJ. Enjoy intelligent debates with friends: e.g.which VK flavour is better – apple or orange (it's tropical, ed.).

FACT: DJ Karl lists ‘crack’ as his favourite drug.

BEST NIGHT TO GO: Tuesday.

4

GALLERY ✰✰✰

3

Formerly a science and technology institute which now researches sclerosis and projective vomiting. Split over three floors, with a balcony suitable for perving and spilling drinks on people you don’t like.

FACT: Someone fell off the balcony last year.

BEST NIGHT TO GO: Sunday.

...HE'D GO TO LEEDS

JUDGE'S LODGINGS Hosts specialist music nights for all the ‘too cool for school’ kids who simply don’t appreciate the melodic and lyrical genius of the Baywatch theme tune. Check local listings for more details.

✰✰✰

✰✰✰✰✰

York’s much cooler big brother.

Regardless of what sort of music you’re into, there’s a club night for you.

FACT: Officially the best city in the country for clubbing.

BEST NIGHT TO GO: Monday.

Spoons

✰✰

The night goes down hill (literally) after a few pitchers at the Punchbowl, a run of the mill Wetherspoons boozer.

LOCATION SPOTS

Overshadowed by the Minster, where better for a pious night of drinking than 'The Quarter'. Too expensive for most students to booze cruise, but for a supposedly sophisticated night out, this is where it's at.

VOMIT HERE

4

Evil Eye ✰✰✰✰✰ Bobo Lobo ✰✰✰✰ ✰✰✰ El Piano S RD O F F I L C TOWER Vudu Lounge ✰✰ VJ's Art Bar ✰✰ Dusk ✰✰✰ Blue Fly ✰✰✰✰ Pricey but cool. And Johnny Depp is a ‘regular’.

Weekly salsa and arguably the best Mojto this side of Havana.

VOMIT HERE

Good for tequila, pitchers of sangria and veggie grub.

The classic assent to end many a rowdy night. Roll down naked or otherwise

1 3

2

Pretentious though free room hire. What a draw.

All front but no substance, disappointing cocktails.

Ever thought you’d fancy a Graham Norton?

SEVEN SINS Micklegate:Monty's drunken debauchery By day a quiet shopping street, by night makes Darfur look like Butlins. The combination of cobbles and regurgitated kebab can make underfoot lethal, so avoid running full pelt down the hill.

1

SEVEN VIRTUES Petergate: loan leaching

ZIGGY'S✰✰✰✰

Formerly a sauna, with many of the original fittings still in place.

In a word, sweaty. Popular with dressing up socials, and home to a lapdancing club at the weekends, which has meant the fabled red room no longer exists.

FACT: The DJ downstairs encourages nakedness.

BEST NIGHT TO GO: Wednesday (unless you’re feeling lonely on a Saturday)

N

✰✰✰

2 for 1 cocktails with added hairmetal all night on a Tuesday.

Rumours

✰✰✰✰

The Cheeky Vimto is a must. The picture frames ARE wonky, you aren’t that drunk.

s u p cam

Three shots for a fiver with a discount card, otherwise a bit dull.

STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN

Want to become a bona fide York student? Here's five must do's before the year is out.

Reflex ✰✰✰

Forget the drink, head to the revolving dance floor.

Nag's Head ✰✰✰ Artful Dodger ✰✰ Priory York's most popular pre-club venue, best known for trebles for singles, with little else on offer.

Lacking atmosphere but alright for a quick one.

✰✰✰

Repent for your drunken sins at this converted church

Roll down Clifford’s Tower in your underwear. A rite of passage for any self-re1)specting York student. ) Give wrong directions to American tourists, or organise your own made up ghost 2walk.

3)ard.Walk along the walls after dark. History with sheer drops as stand“A G&T, my good man!” at the Beeswing, Hull 4)Road ) Take a late-night tour of the 5 ghetto that is Tang Hall.

Don’t forget the bullet proof vest.

the york freshers bible

EXODUS Having explored the promised land of York, the Freshers grew curious. "What great wonders lie beyond the city walls?" they asked, afraid.

And Vision said unto the Freshers: "Gather thou housemates and go forth. Be strong and of good courage. Fear not, nor be afraid, for it is Vision that go with thee. And Vision will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."

And so it came to pass that Vision went before them to show them the way.

LEEDS

whitby

S

eek and ye shall find great shopping, including the Holy Grail of the poor student: Primark. The city also floweth with restaurants, bars and clubs for thou to behold. Go forth to Bondi Beach on a Monday for £10 all-you-can-drink carnage, or join the ‘Mile High Club’ at Oceana.

25 minutes by train, from £4.50 return (with a Young Persons railcard)

S

eek and ye shall find a pretty seaside town with an old-world charm and a skyline dominated by the ruin’s of St Hilda’s Abbey. Spendeth thou pennies in Whitby’s unique and quirky shops.

But first, thou shalt find a friend with a car.

ous s' fam d e e des L a c f r One oshopping a

St. Hild a

's Abbe

SCARBOROUGH rogate in Har 's y t t e B

S

eek and ye shall find the seaside and all that goes with it.

Journey unto the South Bay for sandcastles, fish and chips, ice-cream and arcades, or take a walk along the cliff tops and visit Scarborough Castle.

50 minutes by train, from £6.50 return (with a Young Persons railcard)

y, Whit by

harrogate

S

eek and ye shall find a large, well-to-do spa town with its very own Betty's.

Taketh thou mum when she comes to visit.

40 minutes by train, from £3.85 return (with a Young Persons railcard)

Scarbo

rough beach

the north york moors

flamingo land

S

eek and ye shall find miles and miles of beautiful countryside, perfect for picnics and Sunday strolls. Go forth and explore some of the most popular destinations, including Pickering, Rosedale, Goathland and Rievaulx Abbey.

Day Rover tickets on the North York Moors Railway start from £12

rk orth lYwoay The N i a R Moors

A f lam in

Seek and ye shall find fun for all the family, with rides, entertainment, a zoo and yes, flamingos. Noah would be proud.

From the A64 Flamingo Land is situated off the A169 Malton to Pickering Road.

Admission is £20.

go

the york freshers bible “ We seek something new!” cried the Freshers. I hath been thrown out of the Ziggy’s back entrance for snogging on the fire escape one too many times.

My feet hath blisters from stumbling down Micklegate! If I hear ‘Living on a Prayer’ one more time I’m going to chop my ears off with the nearest Medics scalpel!” And so Vision had a good think and said...

“Let the male of the species sport gigantic fringes and exceptionally tight jeans. Let the woman don far too much lipstick and fashion ridiculous looking shoes. Let there be youths in cardigans musing over complex string arrangements. Let there be booty-love and let there be bump and grind.”

Vision looked at their work and felt cool....

URBAN

Hymns

- ES R EGOD CICRKY B B I F E ST

ER THE R O WH D ATE FLO

its e toon u d just ights ht of kmei-c. Nogt e of enr y nighe weteo o s t s n v is ers clas e ra ds e s on thing rf ly Fibbat of aalso tihve ban night someual Baacts whe but ith l club f ind he us ous’ nag fer. W k andure tosted t re famic Mo t a of e weeu’re s g ho y we Arct lso ge you th d yo avin re the xons, ou a ers if ire en joy. H‘befo d Kla ty - y form orkshe big en re of e ha c Par l per the Y to th can fa they’v d Blof loca into ckets you – ys an ing o o get get ti t gigs ke pper ant t e to mos or. pe ally w ’s wis ut for e do re irit.It nts b on th sp r eve n up ge st tur ju

CLUBNIGHTS: Blackout caters for Rock and Metal on a Saturday while Friday is the usual indie/alternative fare with the not so hip-ly named ‘Up The Racket’. Stubbsy will take your requests on the Friday, ensuring there’s a mix from Kanye to the Killers

HESSIan @ Cert

Enough with biblical pretensions.... Let's find out what's available for the music minded Fresher in York

d u mn b ar s s Jun c@The The J u tion the tr nction o Bass,ain stati n Leeman on Te R

Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall National Centre For Early Music

Pop along: It’s the people there that make it. Anyone can get in touch on www.myspace.com/clubhessian ohessianbooking@gmail.com

Sca chno, D - has a oad - T fair f hat’s ne ubst Ska tbtered am ew D night ands anongst eAp and H r ar regul s like I d loca coustic ouse num n a ig l acts mpa rD Jus S you’lulnday’sh, ts. of tthedon’t wJas in an cint and U pub. nder in timate prootedf ind f you fancy something other than for I l o the enviro with noisy boys or posing princesses www.ocal peopt’s ver y tm junct uch awrong senment. l e these two could be for you. t y p ionm Convieniently located on campus When Weekends in York just get too usic.ce thing local plcation ce o.uk the Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall much The Faversham is a pretty good has a weekly concert series. It hosts escape. 2 bands + 3 hours of dancing visiting artists alongside performances all for 5 of your English pounds. The alongside University orchestras and bands vary from barbershop-esque fun of choirs. In town there’s even more Hot Club de Paris to down right rowdy scope for fans of classical or jazz at Australians Damn Arms and the night the National Centre For Early Music has hosted The Cribs, The Arctic Monon Walmgate. In the coming weeks keys, The Long Blondes and erm, The you can check out the Chinese Song Kooks in the past. Its ‘scenester’ paradise Concert, York Guildhall Orchestra and though. Watch out for the hairspraying the York Bach Choir. Wild. backcombers in the girls (and probably blokes) toilets.

I

Classical -

If you’re fed up with corporate offerings and the lack of a regular music night in York Hessian could be the one for you.

Formed to simply bringing people together whilst playing some ACE music its launch night on the 18th October is a strong alternative to pub brawl Viking Raid. Kicking off in an intimate venue – that’s Cert 18 that’s Cert 18 in town – it’s got Elle Milano and some local bands.DJs until 2 so you get your moneys worth. It’s the perfect opportunity to get involved with the city – not just the Uni. York might not be Liverpool or Leeds just yet but with nights like this cropping up you can go forth and be part of it.

A Taste of LEEDS

the york freshers bible

8

the ten commandments of YORK And Vision looked down upon the Children of York and was gladdened.

And so it came to pass that the children of York were spoken to in these words:

1

. The WORD of VISION is TRUTH, and the WORD of TRUTH is VISION. For VSION is the SAVIOUR of Campus news, sport, arts and lifestyle.

2 . Do not take the name of Mr Efes in vain. For his is the land of free 3 cans of coke. . Thou shalt not worship false idols.

4

. Thou shalt be hardcore. On six days, thou shalt watch Jeremy Kyle, and visit the pub; yet upon the seventh day thou shall reap what thou hath sown, feel dire, and panic about the essays.

5

. Respect thy bouncers and cabbies, for otherwise a black-eye and one-way trip to Doncaster awaits.

6

. Thou shalt not put your hands up for Detroit, nor speak the words Oggi Oggi Oggi, Oi Oi Oi.

7

. Thou shalt commit adultery. For this is a place of experimentation, and fuck it, you only live once.

8

. Thou shalt not steal. Thou shalt speak unto the shopkeepers and merchants and many locals thus: “Do you do a student discount?�

9

. Thou shalt not jeer those suffering the walk of shame, for it WILL happen to you.

10

. Thou shalt covet roadsigns, cones chairs, and all the bounty left out in the street.

the

scene

> october 2007 > issue 9

> interviews > features > reviews > listings

The Rumble Strips Climbing the indie ladder with Devon’s FINEST FIVE-PIECE

<

FILM - THE AWARD WINNING WAY OF THE TOSSER

P. 32

CULTURE DRAMA BARN PREVIEW

<

P.37

BOOKS INTERVIEW CLARE POLLARD

<

P.35

> the scene: contents

> 28

contents:

29 30 32 34 35 37 39

spotlight: the rumble strips music: album, singles and live reviews

WATCH THIS FACE:

film: way of the tosser, cult classic tv: test card

books: clare pollard, booker prize, reviews culture: york, preview, ross noble

listings: sex on a page

the

scene Come meet the team...

Music Editor: Loulla-Mae Eleftheriou-Smith Music Deputy: Camille Augarde Film Editors: Andrew Latham & Sophie Wright Film Deputy Editor: Rebecca Short TV Editor: Post Open Culture Editor: Dan Meredith Culture Deputy Editor: Hannah Wallace Books Editor: Naomi Lever Listings Editor: Post Open

FOALS

This is the page where the arts editors and writers take it in turns to capture your attention with the next exciting thing in the arts world.

This issue the Music Ed. presents her new found glory boys: Foals.

Catch them in December supporting Bloc Party, but make sure to watch these faces...

Where are you from?

We're all from Oxford. Two of us were at university there, then we sent off a demo and got signed, dropped out of university and have been doing this ever since - full time. We signed in May 2006. It's almost been too fast.

sic isn't hard to get into, it's disco, african inspired modern pop. We're not trying to be virtuousos.

Who's part of your team?

Everyone doing our art-work, our merch, our videos and stuff, they're all our friends from Oxford who were either just bums or unemployed who we knew were talented. We like to think about it like The Godfather, if you betray us you wake up in a ditch in Rexam with a fiver in your pocket and you've got to find your own way home.

Why were you on Skins?

They asked us to do it, and everyone watches skins, so we thought it would be a good way to be heard. At least it's not another programme written for 14 year olds by 40 year olds.

Why did you get together?

Because music is everything to us.

You've been described as 'math-rock'.

Math rock is a really ill-advised term for music, that's complex generally in terms of time signatures and poly-rhythms but we don't really do that so it doesn't apply to us. But alot of bands that we look up to are termed as 'math-rock', though they wouldn't say so themselves. We're just a pop band. Our mu-

What are your influences?

Everything.

What's with the house parties?

Before we played any gigs, we played house parties. It started off being just for our mates, then it went mad. We did house parties for ten people or 300 people but as soon as the NME started writing about it they got too big and we had to stop. But they're fun, some of them are the best shows we've ever done.

What's the best festival you've played this year?

Truck, because it was our hometown, but it was great because of the crowd. That's what makes it. www.myspace,com/foals

> spotlight: the rumble strips

> 29

spotlight

this week: The Rumble Strips

Loulla-Mae Eleftheriou-Smith joins the boys for dinner in the York's finest (and cheapest) Italian restaurant to hear about marraige, music and bed sheets...

“

“

It was hectic - we played a gig to two people in a two man tent. he just never left.”

Getting fidgety whilst awaiting his food, Sam started to play with his napkin, as though it were a large bed sheet. “We’re trying to put up a stage show at the moment, which basically involves nicking sheets from Travelodges.”

Placing the napkin upright, he mimics a broom and a light with his hands behind the ‘sheet’. “If you had a fan be-

hind it, you could make a sail.

We haven’t managed to do it yet, but we’ve got a hell of a lot of imagination. And a hell of a lot of time on our hands.”

How convenient.

It transpires that living on the road is not as dull as it sounds. Playing a warm up gig the night before with friends the Good Shoes was reminiscent of their slot on the NME tour, where they circled the country listening to current favourites such as Hot Club De Paris, Bombay Bicycle Club and The Maccabees before starting their thirty-festival-

“

“

I

t’s a chilly Sunday evening when we pass Charlie Waller on the phone pacing the streets of York. “He’s on the phone to his wife” his band-mate informs me as we stroll off in search of food.

It may seem strange to have two married men in a rockabilly-esque indie band, but as Charlie later joins us in a cheap Italian place opposite Mr Sandwich he explains that “27 is quite old to get married. I mean, how else are you gonna clock up three or four marriages by the time you’re fifty?”

The rest of the five piece giggle. Charlie casts a cheeky glance to his fellow married band member Tom (saxophone) who smiles and squirms slightly between Henry (keyboard, trumpet) and Matt (drums) before digging into his cheap pizza. Between bites Tom explains the birth and growth of the band and Sam (bass) waits patiently for his food to arrive.

The boys (well, men) all grew up together in Tavistock, Devon, playing in bands together of different formations “since we were thirteen. All of us apart from Sam, he didn’t join until about ten months ago. He really caught the crest of the wave.” Originally, The Rumble Strips got signed as a gang of four to Transgressive Records, but after releasing two singles with the independent label they were snapped up

by Island Records to put out their first EP ‘O Creole’. The album was recorded almost a year ago, but with added bass guitar to great effect. Getting back on the road and playing without the extra instrument made them realise it was sorely missed, and so roped in their mate from home. “We got him in as a trial bassist, and

It was a bit bitter at first, but we're all friends now.

stint. “Bestival was the most fun,” recounts Tom, “’cos we got to stay and watch other bands. Glastonbury was just hectic though. We played five gigs, one of which was to two people in a two man tent.”

Luckily their ridiculous festival schedule didn’t dampen their stage presence, or their enjoyment of playing the same songs. When signing to Island, they had a chance to rejig their set list after playing their whole repertoire to the new producer, who revealed that “some of the ones he really liked we hadn’t played in years. People got to hear songs they’d never heard before, and they went down really well.”

The band also enjoys recognition for their own work, instead of their affiliation with other musicians. After moving to London Charlie used to be in Vincent Vincent and the Villains before being in two groups at once made everything go slightly pear-shaped.

“It was a bit bitter at first, but we’re all friends now.” Over time the bands have reconciled, though the Villains’ last single entitled ‘Johnny two bands’ wasn’t the most lighthearted of titles. During that time the ‘Strips went back to their previous jobs; Charlie, fresh out of Chelsea art school returned to painting and decorating, Sam back as a croupier and Henry as an undertaker.

His only explanation for his choice was that “I needed a job in London and all the graduate offers didn’t appeal in the slightest.” It’s amazing what you’ll learn in a place like that. Apparently “you can’t get cremated with your shoes

on. The toxins released in the souls of the shoes are too dangerous.” Nice.

That evening Fibbers wasn’t completely sold out, though it didn’t stop The Rumble Strips spreading their energy throughout the crowd. Playing tracks mostly from the debut album ‘Girls and Weather’, the band’s pounding drum beats and signature trum-

pet keying roused the audience and got them dancing to the happy, fast paced tracks ‘Motorcycle’ and ‘Girls and Boys in Love’. Songs such as ‘O Creole’ slowed to audience to a mellow sway whilst their encore track, a cover of ‘The Boys Are Back in Town’, left the listeners shouting for more of Charlie’s strong and tuneful voice. Especially the women.

If only they knew. Back in the restaurant when the subject of marriage had been explained fully

by Tom with the line “Charlie and I are married”, it had been met with a wall of giggles and the lead singers response, “Yes Tom, and we grow closer every day, don’t we love?”

>30

> music: album and single reviews new singles by...

most annoying band in the whole word.

The Deputy Ed.

RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH

✰✰✰✰✰ Babyshambles 'Shotter's Nation' Out Now

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Foo Fighters: 'Echoes, Silence, Patience and Grace' Out Now

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he Foo Fighters expand on their signature sound with sixth studio album, ‘Echoes, Silence, Patience & Grace’. The album bursts into life with first single, ‘The Pretender’, following the classic Foo-formula of driving guitar riffs, anthemic choruses, and Dave Grohl’s raging vocals. And there’s plenty more where that came from - ‘Let It Die’, ‘Erase/Replace’ - as the album is saturated in a 70s stadium rock influence.

There are a few attempts to experiment with their sound: ‘Stranger Things of Happened’ is a

Passenger

'Wicked Man's Rest' Out Now

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n a world already very well acquainted with acoustic music and folk songs galore, Passenger is nothing particularly original. Their debut album 'Wicked Man’s Rest' is a combination of simple ballads and self-deprecation, and this really doesn’t make it the most appealing of listens. The tunes sound pretty enough and there is much pleasant-sounding guitar strumming if you’re into that sort of thing, but the lyrics betray such a low sense of self-esteem that the whole experience is turned into something quite painful, the James Bluntlike high-pitched voice not helping in the matter.

Example: in ' D o

quietly powerful acoustic track as Grohl trades his raging vocals for a more tender tone. Then there’s the finger-picking ‘Ballad of the Beaconsfield Miners’, dedicated to the Tasmanian miners who were trapped underground for weeks in 2006 and reportedly requested some Foo Fighters music. This Bluegrass instrumental solidifies Dave Grohl’s status as the nicest guy in rock. Dave Grohl tries to show maturity in his songwriting with last track ‘Home’, abandoning his guitar and band for some piano balladry. Whilst I don’t doubt his sincerity, the track does seem

What You Like', front man Mike Rosenberg likens his feelings to the “sunken coins” at the bottom of the fountain. Ok, some of those lines do seem to have been placed there for the sake of a good rhyme, yet it’s hardly necessary in every song, and a little diversity in subject matter would go a long way. Passenger could be good but have not explored their sound far enough for their efforts to pay off, and their attempts to bring in something different (crackly voice-over à la Kelly Osbourne in 'One Word' in 'Wicked Man’s Rest' and some opera singing in the background for 'Things You’ve Never Done' just don’t work. Also, their lyrics refer to stalker’s behaviour. Their efforts for a more up-tempo song such as 'Do What You Like' are slightly better, almost reminiscent of Maximo Park in the fast-paced track and background keyboard. So all in all, nothing special, vaguely creepy lyrics and a lot of whining.

VERONIQUE WARD

to jar with the rest of the album and he achieves a lot more sensitivity with ‘Stranger Things of Happened’.

All in all, the Foo Fighters have a solid record here and fans of the band won’t be disappointed.

However, their ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it’ philosophy to songwriting won’t inspire everyone - some will find this record stagnant, simply because of the Foo Fighters’ lack of musical progression.

CARRIE BRUNT

✰✰✰✰✰ The Rumble Strips

'Girls and Weather' Out Now

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first heard The Rumble Strips over a year ago at Reading Festival.

I loved them. I thought: “This band are happy”. And they are – if you like that kind of thing. But, to be frank, I’ve changed. Alright, I’ll be the first to say I hate mopey, I-am-so-intelligent Indie rubbish – but this goes too far the other way. The Rumble Strips verge on the annoying. OK, forget that, they are the most annoying band in the world. Hearing the singer’s chirpy – yet still paradoxically sorrowful – wailing makes me want to go and murder a small child.

The saxophones make me want to smash windows. Listening to their incoherent lyrics makes me want to burn down churches. In short, I can’t stand them. 'Clouds' attempts some kind of babble about, well, clouds. And 'Creole', the song I used to love so much, is about something completely indistinguishable.

The trouble with this is that I feel guilty – it’s the kind of guilt you get when you tell a lie to your grandma. They seem like really [Pete Doherty: not as shambolic as once nice guys – I’m sure they are. expected, looks like And, to give them credit, they he's on the up with- have a fairly original sound – it’s poppy, bouncy, carefree. Having out the uppers] said that, they sound exactly like The Zutons. Probably the second

✰✰✰✰✰

ith the only comprehensible sound resonating from Babyshambles’s debut album being that of Pete falling flat on his face, the question now lingering on everyone’s lips is whether London’s most wanted can seriously survive (I’m talking musically…) without the presence of his former musical blood-brother, Carl Barat.

Quite simply, the answer is ‘yes’.

Blessings must be draped over army officer, incognito as their new producer, Stephen Street, who has pulled Pete’s circus rabble into a band worthy of the time of day. Most importantly, it appears that Street has slid a few much needed elocution lessons down Doherty’s victim-of-the-year gullet. Gone are the incoherent gurgles, apparently recorded on a Fisherprice cassette player on rampages round the town, and in is the most recognisable, impassioned, quintessentially British voice around.

Complimenting this is an equally ship-shape musical arrangement. The backbone of this is undoubtedly new guitarist, Mik Whitnall, whose blinding, punk-mod presence is felt from the opening shanty, ‘Carry on up the Morning’. This is the start of a highly disciplined, consistent collection of songs. Previous single ‘Delivery’ swoops with ease through the catchy Kinks shaped hoops, whilst the former album’s ‘Albion’ is recycled and presented in the form of sheer beauty in mellower tracks ‘Unbilo Untitled’ and ‘Lost Art of Murder’.

Sadly, ‘Shotter’s Nation’ is somewhat lacking lyrically. Though the album coasts confidently along on melody and vocals alone, Doherty’s past work assures that he is more than capable of remedying this. When this is achieved, Babyshambles will have finally shed the seemingly ever present shadow of The Libertines, something which this album gives an exciting glimpse into.

CAMILLE AUGARDE

✰✰✰✰✰ Fancy becoming part of the team? Yeah, you do. Get in touch at music@vision. york.ac.uk and we'll hook you up with free gigs and cds.

Bow-chica-wowwow...

Sugarbabes 'About You Now'

Out Now

It seems that the emergence of a new, hotter member (sorry Mutty) and a crazy bob hairdo (no no no, Keisha…) have prompted the babes to swing their electric hips down that old electronic, commercial, route. Think a tamed down version of Cher’s ‘Believe’ and you’re there. Despite it’s affected sound however, ‘about you now’ is as catchy and as sassy as ever, and will undoubtedly be their zillionth number one hit. It’s certainly no ‘Push the Button’,

Hard-Fi 'Can't Get Along'

12/11/07

The opening motown brass booms suggest that the Staines boyz might have done good with this one.

Inevitably however, Archer’s voice kicks in, belting out each line with an arrogance that suggests he’s Elvis (turning frantically in his grave) reincarnated. Tragically, with rizzla-thin lyrics such as “I picked fights with men twice my size/I picked fights, they punched out my lights”, his efforts will cause nothing more than chortles at your end of the earphones.

Let’s hope no one tells him and he continues to gyrate hilariously against his poor, abused microphone.

LCD Soundsystem 'Someone Great'

22/10/07

Hold up - where in God’s name are the trademark punk vibes, and tongue-in-cheek shoutings of LCD that taught our bodies the term “to dance”?

Calm. For the moment they’re taking a much needed cigarette break, and standing in is James Murphy et al’s most sincere, mature work to date. You can almost hear the to and fro-ing of the hypnosis pendulum, as ‘Someone Great’ lulls you into a deep, trance-like state of bliss.

The Thrills 'The Midnight Choir'

29/10/07

Down that glass of Pimms, slide back in that deckchair (careful now) and slip on those shades, for it’s forever summer in the world of The Thrills. They’re still unashamedly Beach Boys, still sun-kissing your ears with seductive “oos” and unobtrusive, catchy guitar tinkering, and they’re still sounding fresh. This is by no means the work of a genius, but is still worthy of some serious window wind-down action and a subtle toe tap or ten. Lap it up.

> music: live reviews

> 31

Athlete: Live and Wired.

Leeds Refectory. 03/10/07

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upposedly Joel Potts, lead singer of Athlete has a cold tonight: not that it shows, and if he does, it is made up for by the audience during sing-along favourites '24 Hours', 'You Got the Style', 'Halflight and Westside', appealing to diehard fans and the casual listener. Athlete were on good form in Leeds Wednesday last, and thankfully avoided simply playing through the new album, instead delivering a set split fairly evenly between 'Beyond the Neighbourhood', 'Tourist' and the eponymous debut 'Vehicles and Animals'.

Supported by Irish three-

The Departure York Fibbers 04/10/07

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he words ‘awww bless’ best sum up first support of the night The Novelties. With a combined age of about 12 these enthusiastic music moguls and their hoard of teenybop fan girls put on a surprisingly impressive set, completed by a brave attempt at a Strokes cover which they almost pulled off. Fast forward The Novelties and you may just get Clocks, what could be a potentially successful band if they’d just crack a smile once in a while. You should worry when your photographer leaps around with more energy than you playing supposedly upbeat songs on stage. With a musical style somewhere between The View and the Kaiser Chiefs (but with none of the energy of the former nor charisma of the latter) Clocks felt like a somewhat wasted talent, musically apt but looking all the while like they’d rather be down the pub. Headliners The Departure are back with a fresh new album which, from what they showcase tonight, is thankfully less rooted in the 80s than their previous offering.

piece SadPaw and the gimmicky Fonda 500, Athlete are evidently toying with the idea of going a bit U2 or Coldplay on us. Backed by an enormous lightscreen, the four piece have been joined by a second guitarist for this tour.

Dressed in vaguely matching black garb strolled on stage and launched into a fifteen song set, with little talking aside from introducing songs, and encouraging the near sell-out crowd to buy their new album. Every so often they would pretend to be Radiohead and ditch instru- m e n t s to play about with key- boards and loop machines scat- t e r e d across the stage. Newer material

With Stereophonics style vocals and whiter than white trainers, frontman David Jones mastered the tiny stage, manhandling his mic stand like a true professional. The set started off well with a mix of old and new and a dedication to Clocks of ‘Only Ones’ which I would personally take as an insult as it was one of the worst songs of the night. A tight bassist and impressive drumming gave hope for this band at the start but midway through the set something switched and guitarist Sam Harvey seemed to lose it, playing out of time and off-key, drowning out the vocals a n d tur ning

is less spiky barrow-boy than the older cuts, fewer fractious electro noises, less tales of Deptford lives, more Stepford Wives.

But musically the band were on form, production was good and the crowd became euphoric at times. The new songs were well received, particularly lead single 'Hurricane', which bordered on stadium rock, but it was the back catalogue that made the night, 'Wires' was atmospheric before launching into lung-bursting anthem, whilst final two songs 'Beautiful' and '24 Hours' were rapturously received.

for that critical first date, combined with the heart-break of being dumped… in front of all your cool friends. For starters, Orlando’s beautifully old-fashioned, quavering, trade-mark vocals are inaudible. This disappointment is backed by a drummer whose wrists look too limp to even wash his grimy shirt; a hooded guitarist who resembles the sickly ET in that heart-stopping final scene where he’s in the basket of Elliot’s bike, wrapped in a blanket, and shaking mightily as he prepares to fly over the moon; a sour-faced bassist; and another, somewhat shoeless guitarist. Suicide really does look on the cards for all concerned except guitarist, Felix, whose over-excitable legs will undoubtedly end his life in some other bloody, tragic circumstance.

This endearing loon aside, the problem lies in The Maccabees’s lack of enthusiasm alone, as apart from the vocal problems, the band are note perfect. Their playing, along with the strength of the songs, prompt the crowd to swim fiercely against ‘Latchmere’s wave machine, and croonalong to the band’s new, heartwrenching single, ’Toothpaste Kisses’. Ironically, the set closes with tear-jerker, ‘First Love (Last Love)’. But come now, let us get a grip and be grown up about all this - relationships change, people grow and move on. I’m over it, it’s cool. Honestly. Let’s hope the second album is a consoling rebound…

CAMILLE AUGARDE

ANDREW LATHAM most later songs such as encore ‘Chemicals’ into unorchestrated noise. An unfortunate end to an otherwise promising set.

RACHAEL EYTON

The Maccabees Tokyo, Huddersfield 02/10/07

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n the past, The Maccabees have been the proud owners of the majority of British music fans’ hearts, including my own. However, having fallen head first for their debut album, ‘Colour it in’, this gig brought with it the indignation of being stood u p

Amp Fiddler Leeds Mine 02/10/07

“

I wrote that one for me and Corinne Bailey Ray. And now it’s me doing it on my own...

Sounds good, don’t it?” The few hundred strong crowd cheers and woops. “...Shit!” replies Michigan’s Amp Fiddler. It did sound good. It sounded excellent. Corinne’s performance on the single “If I Don’t” is testament to his skill, it is as far removed from the tedium of

“Put Your Records On” as possible.

Amp Fiddler, midway through a short tour of the UK for sophomore solo effort Afro Strut before moving on to massive dates in France, gave a fantastic intimate performance deep in Leeds Union last week. Sitting resplendent half the time at a pair of keyboards, his hands moving with lightning speed across the ivories, whilst delivering heartfelt lyrics, otherwise boogieing round the stage: if Stevie Wonder was tonk and, erm, not blind, Amp would be him.

During “Superficial” Amp’s work with George Clinton’s PFunk became evident: a screaming solo from a Nord Electro keyboard brought the Mothership crashing back to Earth in psychedelic style, from then on, solos became more daring, the final four songs of the set easily matching in length the first seven; the rapturous crowd dancing, hollering, and cheering every slide, funk slap and cymbal crash. After the gig, the band reappeared on stage, shook hands with the remaining crowd and chatted: they’d had a great time, they were glad we had too. Amp’s bassist wore a T-shirt that said in stylised Coke letters, ‘”Enjoy Detroit”. For two hours last week, we funkin’ loved it.

ANDREW LATHAM

Soho Dolls York Fibbers 25/09/07

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hings didn’t get off to a great start when I walked in to find Fibbers almost empty. Things got off to an even worse start when the Soho Dolls finally took to the stage. Announcing how lucky we were to have a band to watch (the singer was apparently ‘ill’), the band staggered about with the arrogance of thick rockstars – sad really, bearing in mind the audience of around 20 people didn’t actually care anyway.

Lumbering into their opening number, the electro-glam quintet sounded – to my surprise – a whole lot better than their myspace suggested. Think 80s, sequins, and Kylie Minogue; made even more surreal by the fact that half the band looked like they were trying to rip-off The Horrors. Like the band’s nonchalant stage presence, the set was, on the whole, uninspiring. Moments of interest only really came when the band’s synths took over, relegating the guitars to accompany-mode.

However, the gig was constantly hampered by the singer’s moody attempts to explain how honoured we should feel that we were in their presence. She was, in fairness, quite attractive, but that’s not going to let her off this time. Continually banging on about how ill she felt, I was, in the end, actually quite glad when they left stage after only twenty minutes of music. You won’t make fans like that, love.

RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH

[The Maccabees: they'll give you toothpaste kisses]

> film

> 32

WAY OF THE TOSSER

Vision's Summer of Film Love

Rock Paper Scissors is the world's most popular decision making process.

My oh my. What a summer of cinematic triumph we've had! But was all you saw Transformers? Are your flatmates film buffs? Here Vision's finest bring you what they've liked, and not so much, this summer so you can blag away!

Andrew Latham chats to Tim Doiron and April Mullen, makers of the award winning Rock Paper Scissors: Way of the Tosser

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riumphant with audiences at the 26th Cambridge Film Festival, Rock Paper Scissors: Way of the Tosser charts the progress of Gary Brewer and girlfriend Holly Brewer (no relation) on the rocky road to the 2006 World RPS Championships. Abetted by friend Trevor, and in direct competition with the lecharous Baxter Pound, this superb indie comedy blurs the boundaries between mockand documentary.

What were the origins of the Rock Paper Scissors project?

The idea of making a film about a diehard RPS professional who takes the RPS World Championships “way too seriously” has been in the works for over four years. We are both fascinated by the huge following the sport of RPS has always had and continues to have, and we really wanted to explore what would happen if someone took their obsession with RPS way too far.

How was the shoot and production process?

Extremely harrowing, fast paced and rewarding. We did a lot of research including attending numerous RPS competitions to fully submerse ourselves in what would come to be the world that Gary, Holly and Trevor call home.

Focusing heavily on detailed character development, we created scenarios, routines, sacrifices and rituals for the Tossing Trio.

We felt it crucial

that every character in Tosser have a major role and complete back story, with a very weighted and quirky arc to play out. The script was completed a month before shooting after constant re-vision, but like any script it underwent alterations all the way up to and including shooting.

More at www.yorkvision.co.uk Full interview and trailers The relationship that formed between everyone on set really affected the production process.

Everyone that we hired read the script and immediately knew that it was something special. Therefore they all came to the project full of passion, belief and hunger. It was this, combined with the constant laughter on set that allowed the organic feel and honesty of Tosser to come through.

While shooting Tosser longer takes, handheld camera work, booms in shots, looking and talking to camera all were used to give the film an authentic and textured documentary feel. There were two cameras on the action at all times to catch

both the typical mid-shots of a documentary and the spontaneous moments created by our gifted actors. Our first cut of the film was just over two hours. Knowing we wanted the film to sit closer to the 90 minute mark we spent endless hours in and out of the editing room constantly restructuring the film to get the most from every character and scene.

With each cut we made it became clearer what we had to keep. Sometimes we had to lose some very funny stuff. Tim cried more than once. April would often curse the stars above…in a good way.

Do you think you are better RPS players as a result of the film?

Hell ya, bring it on!

You had a young team working on the film, and this is a debut feature, was this an extra challenge?

We’ve both had ample on set experience and formal training, but giving birth to a feature film and actually making it all work is something you can only learn by doing.

There are a lot of things you can never prepare for.

Being so young and green allowed us to be very innovative with regards to all aspects of Tosser. We still find ourselves constantly trailblazing a new path that will secure a successful future for our film.

It has been a gift to constantly be forced to re-invent traditional ways and said norms.

We have both learned a tremendous amount with Tosser, as we’re sure we will with each film we do. Every film is unique, and every process is different. We’re both thrilled by the constant challenges, risks and unknown variables this industry constantly brings.

Where does the audience fit into the production process? What do you think is the appeal of Tosser?

You always have to keep the audience in mind and we tried hard to create a movie that has the broadest appeal possible. When you are dealing with an international, ageless subject matter like RPS you know right away that you’re audience is going to be diverse. Tosser uses slapstick, toilet humour, puns, highbrow, deadpan, physical comedy, visual gags and more in an attempt to have something to make

Cult Classic

Gun-nut Charlton Heston in environmental scifi? Those were the days...

The world's resources have been expended creating ecological havoc. Millions live below the breadline, and society has broken down. Everyone is vegetarian. Such is the dystopian future painted by 1973's 'Soylent Green'. Based loosely on the novel 'Make Room! Make Room!' the film is suprisingly forward-looking in terms of the issues it deals with: environmental degradation, overpopulation and conspiratorial relationships between big-business and government.

The Year is 2022. New York's population stands at a staggering 40 million, half of whom are unemployed. Literacy is uncommon, the government's main concern is food production. Here it

enlists the help of the Soylent Corporation (the name is a contraction of soya and lentil), which produces a variety of micro-plankton derived food biscuits, in a range of appetising colours: Red, Yellow and Green. The population can't get enough of them, leading to riots: the police employ dumper trucks and diggers to shift the troublemakers.

Unrest spills over, and one of the directors of the Soylent corporation is murdered. It is up to Detective Thorn (Heston), assisted by his literate though aging and depressed partner Sol to solve the murder. Sol eventually opts for government endorsed euthenasia, leading to Thorn making shocking discoveries about the

everyone laugh. But overall we knew that the seeds of laughter are set to grow when characters and relationships are honest and truthful.

The appeal of Tosser is that Gary, like every soul in the audience, has a passion filled mission to accomplish. When you have a character truly striving towards his greatest potential one cannot help but relate to it. Audiences leave Tosser having laughed a lot, but beyond that they really take home the story of a hero who did all he could for himself and those he loved. Every character is so dedicated and tries so hard in what they’re attempting to accomplish that you can’t help but root for them.There’s honesty in Tosser that pulls audiences in, which results in them caring so much about the outcome that we already have people requesting a sequel!

Only by watching Tosser over and over again can you reveal it’s real secrets, and audience members love the challenge of unraveling each and every one of them.

LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD 4.0 Rubbish really. Fully of computer generated bollocks. Whatever happened to good old fashioned action heros?

Adam Thorn, Ed. SPIDERMAN III Basically doesn't live up to the hype, instead was a crock of shite. Lets down the comic books, rather than a moving portrayal of one man's struggle with power Peter Parker becomes an emo.

Cringeworthy.

Loulla-Mae Eleftheriou-Smith, Music Editor.

Congratulations on your gong at Cambridge! How do you feel taking the film to festivals - nervous, excited, hungry?

All of the above. We love taking our film to festivals; they are crucial to the exposure of independent innovative films. You make the film to share with people and to hear a full house laugh together is extremely rewarding. Hearing feedback on the film, interacting with audience members and getting to know fellow filmmakers is enriching.

The fact that our World Premiere was in a country far from home and any Tosser lovin’ made it that much more nerve racking and rewarding.

The first time you see your film projected on the big screen with an audience of 300 people around you there is nothing you can do but surrender to the moment. Luckily for us the audience started laughing and quickly turned our sheer horror into the jitter bug jiffy pop!

We’re currently traveling Tosser through the film festival circuit so keep your eyes and ears peeled, ‘cause you never know when we’ll be showing at a theatre near you.

You can stay up-to-date by checking us out at www.wayofthetosser.com.

Earth's previous condition, and why people can't get enough of Soylent Green...

The film now looks dated - it was the last film made on the MGM backlot - and in common with much pre-Star Wars sci-fi is at times verbose and seemingly lacking in direction. Infuriatingly, the decent of man is underdeveloped, but this film is still worth watching. From the famous last line, to a genuinely moving raport between Heston and Edward G. Robinson, who was dying at the time of production, Soylent Green engages the audience with the resultant 'what if' scenario.

Whilst the sight of people being bulldozed sticks in the mind, it is the film's repercussions, in shaping visual media from future scifi efforts to The Simpsons that means Soylent Green should have a lasting place in film history. AL

HAIRSPRAY Feelgood fun, and John Travolta in drag was not as miserable an experience as it could have been.

Lydia Mills, Food and Drink Editor

EAGLE vs. SHARK Though well made, with fun animated squences, this was proof that characters that are quirky aren't nescessarily funny.

Though described as the Antipodean Napoleon Dynamite, this often went through the motions of offbeat comedy, like some sort of cinematic prostitute. Expect better from Flight of the Conchords, airing on BBC4 later this autumn.

Alan Smithee, Film Section.

the

> film: reviews

> 33

scene: film

McLovin' It SUPERBAD Dir: Greg Mottola Starring: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Christopher Mintz-Plasse Certificate: 15 Running Time: 114 mins

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udd Apatow is steadily bulldozing every demographic open to filmmakers. From scripting Anchorman, via 40 Year Old Virgin and that other acclaimed summer comedy smash, Knocked Up, the patriarch of a group of actors, writers and technical staff turns his eye to producing Superbad, the gross-out comedy coming-of-age modern classic, a low-budget feel flick released for prime cash-in opportunity as Freshers Weeks beckon across the country.

Should you not have seen it already - both of you read carefully - the plot is centred around a bungled booze buying mission undertaken by uncool, inseparable, Evan (Michael Cera) and Seth (Jonah Hill), facing a premature midlife crisis as they plan to attend different universities. They are not bottom of the pile however, Fogell (played by superb newcomer Christopher Mintz Plasse) is unpopular even with them, yet accepted into the group begrudgingly, more so after it transpires that he has obtained a fake ID; which could propel the heroes up the social hierarchy and possibly into the

TWO DAYS IN PARIS Dir: Julie Delpy Starring: Julie Delpy, Adam Goldberg Certificate: 18 Running Time: 99 mins

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aving ascertained that this film has nothing to do with One Night In Paris, my gut instinct was that I probably wouldn't enjoy it. I was wrong. In many ways

arms/beds of Jules or Becca.

The move to college throws in a sense of urgency: if they don’t bed Jules or Becca in the next three weeks, they never will and this is the ideal opportunity.

Badgers Seth, “You know when you hear girls say ‘Ah man, I was so shit-faced last night, I shouldn’t have fucked that guy?’

We could be that mistake!”

As nothing in life is ever simple, the unlikely triumvirate is split up after Fogell, using his excellent McLovin’ fake ID is assaulted at the liquor store, and subsequently carted round by a pair of juvenile policemen.

Together they shoot at signs, runaway from the cops, fight a tramp, and drink drive. The only use for the siren on the squad car is to jump traffic lights.

They show McLovin’ the time of his life, only because they missed out on the prime of theirs.

Seth and Evan, in semi-autobiographical parts written by Seth Rogen (star of Knocked up) and Evan Goldberg, meanwhile discover some untold truths about each other, sing at a coke party, nd get hit by cars. Their relationship is entirely believable, and the actors’ rapport

this is the precise opposite of the smut flick. Every-which-way sex is replaced with which-wayto-go romance, and rather than simply starring airhead bimbo Paris Hilton, this is a tour-deforce by Julie Delpy who acts, directs, produces, edits, and even contributes to the soundtrack. Which isn't just groans.

The film follows long term couple Marion and Jack around Paris after a gastroentiritis filled sojourn in Venice: yet the city of lovers provokes tempers compounded by linguistic and cultural barriers. Jack finds out more about Marion than he would have cared to, whilst Marion finds herself. The film is as much a study of cultural ster-

reflects earlier comedy duos, Laurel and Hardy and the Blues Brothers. Both actors fit their roles well; Hill’s Seth is mouthy, frenetic and unnerved, whilst Cera effectively resurrects his George Michael role from the hilarious Arrested Development, probably abetted by director Greg Mottola, who also worked on the series. The film has honesty on its side: the swear-filled dialogue, the shallow sexual obsessions; even if Jonah Hill looks a little old for the part, this should not be held against the strengths of the film.

Complemented by a fantastic seventies vibe soundtrack – from Curtis Mayfield cuts to

KNOCKED UP Dir: Judd Apatow Starring: Seth Rogan, Katherine Hagel, Embryo Certificate: 15 Running Time: 129 mins funk-slap recorded for Superbad

by Bootsy Collins, the film is scatter gun in its comedy – some will undoubtedly find it misogynistic, crude and cruel, but – apologies to anyone that’s seen the film – just go with the flow and have a good time.

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udd Apatow’s got balls.

Inonly his second outing as director,after the hearty success of 2005’s The 40 Year Old Virgin, he dares to take the smash hit rom-com of the summer where others wouldn’t. Knocked Up is laugh out-loud funny, 129 minutes crammed full of one liners ANDREW LATHAM and physicaltomfoolery, but also reaches a surprising emotional depth.

The plot is simple enough: slacker boy and successful, ambitious TV star girl enjoy a drunken onenight stand, realise their lives are poles apart, and moveon. After she discovers her pregnancy, they re-unite and then attempt to deal with it, with ensuing laughs.

But it’s too long for a comedy, and at times horrendously graphic. Seth Rogan achieves rapid promotion from trusty sidekick to anchor Ben Stone, whilst his lay-about roommates, the stoned dregs of society so often neglected in such mainstream stuff, star. And swear a lot. The persistent obscenities are the only fault I can really find, as they will surely grow tiresome for some.

Apatow does however, go with several home bankers. If you want to turn a rather unoriginal plot into a comedy classic, cast Paul Rudd in a supporting role.

The chemistry between his character Pete, and Ben, is beautiful, and rivaled only by the scene in which Ben hilariously refuses to have sex with a heavily pregnant Alison, for fear of “poking the baby in the face" with his penis.

Priceless.

Indeed it is Rudd who provides many of the most emotionally rich sequences in the movie.

Rogan’s character struggles with growing up fast, but it is Pete’s eotypes as of individual bonds, moves from high maintainance flawed marriage which often hogs the recent frosting of relation- boyfriend to paranoid partner. the limelight.On observing the Familial relationships are ignorant bliss of childhood, he ships between France and the US is shadowed by detente also put under the spotlight, becomes almost tragic in realizbetween the couple as the two Marion's non-English speak- ing his own unhappiness, the pering parents (played by Delpy's fect illustration of how Apatow days in Paris progress.

The first nightmare for Jack actual parents - though presum- flits between raucous comedy and is meeting Marion's parents - if ably what this reveals about art painful realism surprisingly sucanything this follows the for- imitating life remains a family cessfully. mula of a Eurocentric Meet the secret) are overbearing, cringy Casting the lead female Parents - faced with the joys and subject her cat to a foi gras as gorgeous Katherine Heigl was of French cooking, quizes on diet. Perceptions twist and turn also no bad move. Interestingly, French culture at the dinner over time, what it means to be I was told Kate Hudson turned table and an increasing number 'All American' or French in the down the part after objecting to of revelations about their pri- eyes of others and their own the graphic nature of the childvate life and privates by her characters shift, whilst Paris birth scene. Obviously Apatow family, including an unfortu- is shown not simply the Eiffel stuck to his guns. nate photo involving some bal- Tower, the set of The Da Vince This is clever, charming, loons. When a subsequent simi- Code or boats on the Seine but and by the climax, all you want to lar photograph emerges of one a town flavoured with local do is ruffle Rogan’s hair and tell Marion's past boyfriends, Jack affairs: anti-fast food terrorists, him it’s all gonna be ok. And, in nurses strikes and meat mar- the end, of course, it is. kets.

The ongoing relationship TOM SHELDRICK between the two lead characters is difficult to grapple with at times, and seems a little contrived among the spats between Marion and Jack, the final monologue is much more pragmatic NOW SHOWING.... and fluid in its assessment of 'true love' and identity than in other Paris set films: here the >CityScreen (Coney Street) is location is largely tangental part of the Picturehouse group to the film, the stereotypes of and is York's premier cinema, Paris are replaced by a knowshowing a mix of arthouse and ing look at the characters themmainstream. It's worth investselves. This is the difference ing in membership. between Two Days In Paris and its most similar recent feature, >Vue (Clifton Moor) has blockBefore Sunset in which Delpy busters, but is miles away. also starred: the sappiness of the latter is replaced by a wry, >World Cinema Soc shows a ascerbic look at love. global offering every Friday in V/045 ANDREW LATHAM >York Student Cinema shows a great mix of films four nights a week in P/X/001

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> 35

> books

Poetry, popstars and poltergeists Naomi Lever talks to rising star of poetry Clare Pollard. speaks to them. On a positive note, I think this is starting to change, with a twentysomething up for this year’s Forward prize, and performance poets like Luke Wright, Joe Dunthorne and Jenny Lindsay creating a lot of buzz. I think it’s an exciting time to be a young writer.”

Pollard has done her bit to nurture other precocious talents with a brief stint as editor of Young Writer magazine demonstrating her facility with myriad forms. “I love working on magazines,” Pollard enthuses. “I also worked for The Idler for a while, and edited an edition of Reactions, an anthology of exciting new writers. Every aspect of it’s fun - working with the designer, commissioning work, feeling you’ve discovered people, planning launches. It’s such a pleasure to work with writers who inspire you and create a beautiful

“

a poet’s bank balance mean her literary diversity is occasionally enforced. “The poetic ‘muse’ doesn’t show up all that often, and poetry sales are very small in this country, so in order to make a living as a writer I’ve had to move into other areas.”

Including a documentary, ‘My Male Muse’, broadcast on Channel 4, “looking at the way women poets have only recently begun to celebrate male beauty. We got pick of the week, and a few bleeps when parts of the male anatomy were mentioned!” Laughingly, Pollard remarks that this is the only way in which her marriage to Richard Henson in 2004 has influenced her work. “God, I don’t think it’s changed my writing at all. I’m only 28, I’m not going to start writing about mortgages and Waitrose just because I’ve got married.”

“

T

he title ‘Britney Spears of poetry’ is rather misleading these days A shaven head, a tendency to forget underwear, a stint in rehab, sleazy exhusbands, Vegas weddings … nope, reassuringly Clare Pollard possesses none of these dubious assets.

Fortunately the nickname is less to do with a tabloid sizzle of a lifestyle than with her extraordinary youth when her first collection of poetry, ‘The Heavy Petting Zoo’ was published in 1998. She was nineteen, fresh from a Bolton comprehensive and heading to Cambridge; nope, nothing of the American pop princess about that.

“The label has stuck a bit,” Pollard admits wryly. “I was very, very lucky to get published so young.

My editor at Bloodaxe, Neil Astley, took a real risk o n me, and I’m

With a poem you really feel you can make something where every word is perfect,

very

grateful for that.

People struggle so long to get published though that there was understandably some jealousy, and I’m still not sure everyone is willing to take me seriously.” The eternal cry of young people worldwide.Pollard’s earlier poetry burns with the awkwardness and shrivelling embarrassment of adolescence.

Ever been a wallflower at a party, had a hangover, agonised over your love-life, wardrobe, looks? To trot out the old cliché, there’s a poem in her oeuvre for everyone.

Modestly, Pollard insists that serendipitous timing and a gap in the market contributed to her success.

“My first book certainly hit a real chord, because there was absolutely nothing out there speaking to young people at that time. My writing was never cynically aimed at a student niche, but I do think that lots of young people love poetry and that there’s very little being published by the mainstream presses that

object.”

Indeed, Pollard is in fact a bit of a Renaissance woman, with her play ‘The Weather’ performed to critical acclaim in 2004 at the Royal Court; she has another on the go. Poltergeists featured in the former and the work in progress involves talking monkeys: she certainly doesn’t lack imagination.

The wickedly playful imagery and imaginative plateaux of her poems is testament to this, from haunted toasters to a fantasy dinner party with Sylvia Plath, John Lennon and Dorothy Parker.

Pollard insists that the biting humour and relish for language that characterise her poetry are galvanised by her experimentation. “I think they all feed into each other and make you a better writer - learning about film made me better at telling stories, journalism has made me a better critic of my own work. Poetry is still probably the form that inspires me most though.

I love its intensity - the way it can take an audience from zero to tears in three minutes - and how perfect it is. With a poem you really feel you can make something where every word is perfect, whereas a novel or play will always be flawed.”

Despite her unabashed preferences, the unfortunate realities of

It’s rather a surprising verdict from a writer whose unflinching portrayal of her own intimate emotions is the greatest appeal of her poetry. Imagine telling complete strangers about the time you fell down the rickety stairs of Ziggy’s and exposed your greyest, nastiest knickers in front of the rugby team, spilt toxic blue VK all over the bouncers and had to get a lift home with a milkman. You’d have to be a braver (and less clumsy) person than me. However Pollard explains her lack of dissembling with that same enviable candour: “I feel that if you’re going to write about yourself, you have to be brutally honest - there’s no point holding back or trying to make yourself look good. Human emotions are often an ugly, tangled mess. Having said that though, I always find that the crafted element of poetry means I’m happy to express intimate stuff I’d never say in real life.

I’ve spent hours making each poem into this beautiful, perfect thing, that expresses my feelings exactly, and that means I still feel in control even as people are reading about my drunken embarrassments.”

Yet she is by no means ignorant of the world around her; even if married life has not changed her perspective on events outside the

writer’s notepad, then the flaws of the wider world certainly have.

There is a marked progression from the teenage angst of ‘The Heavy Petting Zoo’ to the not-quitegrown-up dilemmas and dreams of ‘Bedtime’ to the vast landscape (literally and figuratively) of ‘Look Clare! Look!’

Musing on this new status as a social poet, Pollard observes, “I think we live in very interesting and worrying times that writers can’t ignore. My play ‘The Weather’ was about climate change, and my last collection, ‘Look, Clare! Look!’ is probably my most socially conscious yet - the first half is about backpacking around the world and looks at what it means to be a white westerner in today’s world.

Globalisation, the wealth-gap - how we’re all guilty for environmental destruction and things like the Iraq War. I read plenty of poets who are still just writing on ‘classic’ subjects.

However, I think to write about a beach or a lark right now and not engage with global warming is probably to miss what’s most interesting and terrifying about the world we’re living in, and so does seem a bit of a failure.”

While not consciously shying away from traditional poetic subjects, she dismisses the notion of pretty, pastoral themes being the only ones worthy of artistic study.

“Any subject is suitable for a poem, as long as the poet is willing to really look at it and think about it, and find the truth and beauty there.

There’s no reason why you can’t have realism AND pretty phrasings - the language used to describe Bolton Town Centre can be just as beautiful as that used to describe a sunset.”

One wonders whether, confronted by the mutated-fish harbouring murk at the centre of campus, anyone else would have the same optimism. However, why not? Pollard encourages aspiring student scribes: “Read lots, obviously. Push everything through at least 3 drafts.

Be persistent - I still get more rejections than I get acceptances after ten years, and becoming a full time writer is a constant struggle. In terms of the work, keep taking risks. Anne Sexton, my favourite poet, had a sign over her desk that said ‘Whatever you do, don’t be boring.’ I try to live by that.”

And the winner is? Vision 's guide to the Booker Prize Book prizes are everywhere these days, for the best women’s book, the best Irish book, the best book with footnotes in Swahili and illustrations of breakdancing pandas (well, probably.

I’d read it).

Just about all of them claim to be the world’s leading prize – at least until the Man Booker swings back into town, Clint Eastwood style, suddenly silencing all the others. This is the big one, the most multicultural, respected and prestigious of the lot, and the ceremony will be announced on Tuesday 16th October, where one of these six novelists will triumph.

‘Darkmans’ - Nicola Barker A ghostly tale of suburban eccentricity in modern-day Ashford, cunningly paralleled with the court

of Henry VIII. Tense, dryly comic and always enigmatic, it’s perhaps that bit too quirky to steal the laurels.

‘The Gathering’ – Anne Enright A large Irish clan, a funeral, a past choca-bloc with hidden secrets – so far so family saga. Enright’s gracefully intelligent writing set this apart from the multitude of similarly plotted yarns, but even so, for her to win might represent too much of a dumbing down for the Booker.

‘The Reluctant Fundamentalist’ – Mohsin Hamid Perhaps the most politically pertinent of all the shortlist, this is written in a monologue style, from a Pakistani to an American, describing his New York lifestyle. Inevitably 9/11 changes all that; the novel is taut, thrilling and culturally enlightening, but I was just plain annoyed by the fact that the protagonist is called Changez.

Just a bit too cliched for my liking.

‘Mister Pip’ – Lloyd Jones The dark horse of the contest, ‘Mister Pip’ is set on a remote island under threat of war. An irreverent schoolteacher introduces a naïve

class to the wonders of Dickens’ ‘Great Expectations’; controversy and moral confusion divides the village. Initially rather fable-like and fun, with a twist in the tail.

‘On Chesil Beach’ – Ian McEwan If the Booker is the Eastwood of book awards, McEwan is the Eastwood of the nominees. His tale of newlywed awkwardness is everyone’s favourite to win; it’s as beautiful and intelligent as we’ve come to expect from this finest of modern authors, and at times unbearably

realistic (anyone who has ever had bad sex will cringe at the memory.

But in a good way.)

‘Animal’s People’ – Indra Sinha An opening line up there with the best: “I used to be human once.

So I’m told.” A hero disfigured by an accident caused by an American chemical company in poverty-stricken India. A beautiful, unattainable heroine. All the ingredients for a surreal, acidtongued satire, this novel is certainly worthy of its nomination.

NAOMI LEVER

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> 36

Canadian Curses and Indian Insults...

Cat got your tongue? Lost for words?

Never fear, Naomi Lever has found the perfect book for you ... are the home of ritual insults and provocative insults.”

Somehow, he resisted the urge to aggravate Arabs and rub Russians up the wrong way; Dr Vanderplank’s methods were rather more subtle and civilised. “I have wonderful colleagues at Oxford University Language Centre who are native speakers of the languages they teach. They all thought it would be great fun to swap insults, curses and put-downs. So it was a case of us putting together a sort of alternative multi-lingual language course – filled with language that you’re never going to get in your course but which is part of the everyday life and culture of the different languages.”

“

The most scathing, colourful and downright hilarious curses.

“

never be wracked by again. Lucky, lucky man.

This Oxford professor of languages has recently published the hilarious Uglier Than a Monkey’s Armpit, an anthology with a difference: it is rather unlikely to be set by an English Lit tutor. It’s a collection of the most scathing, colourful and downright hilarious curses from all over the world, from the Czech Republic to China and Italy to India. Such an eclectic encyclopaedia must have involved some equally unusual research methods.

It rather begs the question, exactly how does one discover the foulest language of another culture without the fifteen shiny new steel pins in your legs setting off the metal detectors at Gatwick?

Dr Vanderplank however, has escaped uninjured from his expletive-discovering escapades.

“I’d love to be able to say that I went to each country and tried to attract insults and curses. You know the sort of thing. You hire a car in Istanbul or Rome or Madrid or Delhi or Beijing, pretend to break down on a busy street, then get out your notebook and carefully record the insults that are hurled at you.

Or you walk into a bar or café, miked up, leer at someone’s wife or girlfriend, and duck as the abuse and punches are thrown at you.

Then run like hell! Since there is a great deal of homophobia alive and well in the world, another sure-fire winner would have been for me to sidle up to some macho stranger in a bar and make an obvious pass. Of course, I might have misjudged and found myself with an unwelcome date for the evening rather than some juicy invective. It would also be a great excuse to go to football matches all over the world, as they

Such a contrast from the dignified politeness of academia; it was this contrasting perspective on the subjects that they had studied for years that drew Dr Vanderplank and his fellow language professors to the project. “Swapping insults is a great ice-breaker and I had some hilarious sessions as I trawled around the University for languages we don’t teach at the Language Centre. The lecturer in Arabic was

Book Reviews Two Caravans Marina Lewycka Fig Tree (£12.99)

M

arina Lewycka appears to be mildly obsessed with vehicles. Her first hilarious bestseller was entitled A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian; her latest is called Two Caravans.

Whereas the eponymous tractors were rather superfluous to much of the plot, here the caravans (or one of them at least) prove essential in a nail-biting, yet still comical escape.

The escape is from a strawberry picking field in Norfolk; the escapees are an eclectic group of migrant workers. A musical Malawi, three Poles, one smelly-footed, one a voluptuous gang mistress, and one a would-be nun, plus two star-crossed Ukrainian lovers and a stray dog:

crammed in together, they attempt to foil the hordes of exploitative employers in the “mo bilfon” world. Slapstick humour abounds in unlikely places, including an abattoir where the chickens about to be slaughtered stage a rather bizarre escape. Two Caravans is immensely readable, despite the occasional unattractiveness of Lewycka’s protagonists: yo-yoing between the misadventures of several characters can often, elsewhere, become a tiresome, frustrating narrative device, but here it makes for compulsive reading.

For all its light tone, the novel is full of gritty social comments and is genuinely touching; yet being published in the shadow of her outstanding first novel has rather doomed Lewycka’s second to comparison. Entertaining as it is, the jumping around from one perspective to another means that we never really engage with Irina, Andrei and Yola as much as we did with Na-

dezhda. Fun, but no masterpiece.

NAOMI LEVER

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crying with laughter by the end of an hour-long session with me as he came up with examples.”

Indeed, the experience of researching and writing has, if anything, enriched Dr Vanderplank’s understanding of, and love for languages and cultures. However, he points out that “Countries like Spain, Italy and Portugal, which I know quite well, will never seem quite the same again, now that I know how foul-mouthed they can be. Can you imagine, the most common expletive in Spanish, and even used in front of parents, is ‘ay cono’, literally, ‘oh cunt’? Sounds shocking but is no stronger in force than ‘bloody hell’. Many countries still appear to be obsessed with cuckolding. Italian has ‘cornuto’, Greek has ‘keratis’, while in Chinese, if you’re wife is cheating on you, you may be told that you have a pretty green hat, a reference to what male brothel workers wore during Tang Dynasty.”

Oddly enough, the insult, what one would initially assume to be a divisive, even alienating phrase, is in fact, according to Dr Vanderplank, ultimately rather unifying. “All languages seem to have insults to do with appearance, stupidity, strength, sexual prowess and orientation, family honour, behaviour, honesty, toilet practices, and so on (though I found it very difficult to collect American and Canadian insults. It’s as if to know an insult is to admit to using it).”

Even so, there were occasions when some insults remained untranslatable, rooted in uniquely cultural idioms. Reassuringly for the author, “There is usually an equivalent in each language. For example, in Welsh, there is an expression ‘the angel of the street,

Divisadero Michael Ondaatje Bloomsbury (£17.99)

M

ichael Ondaatje is infamous for taking seven years to produce a new novel; surely readers of his latest, Divisadero, can be forgiven for expecting great things. Passion. Sweeping drama.

Poignantly beautiful writing. Well, one out of three isn’t bad.

Ondaatje’s characteristic eloquence and dark delicacy with words are certainly here. Unfortunately, his painstaking research rather distracts from what slight story there is, with irritatingly detailed descriptions of poker and farming that, even with expectant, eager re-reading, remain obscure and faintly irrelevant.

It begins wonderfully with three people growing up on a Northern Californian ranch: horse-mad mysterious adoptee Claire, ranch-hand Coop, survivor of his family’s massacre and thoughtful Anna. The discovery of the latter pair’s forbidden romance is the destructive catalyst that changes the lives of

the devil of the home’. I tried this with informants in other languages and found that Persian has an equivalent which is ‘the light of the

“

How does one discover the foulest language of another culture?

“

D

r Robert Vanderplank must be among the world’s most enviable men. No, not because of his steamy affair with Jessica Alba, or his lottery jackpot (although who knows – they might be as well).

No, Dr Vanderplank possesses the world’s biggest selection of putdowns and insults. (You thought I was going to say something else.

You and your filthy mind ...)

Imagine, or perhaps remember (I’m making no accusations here…) being embroiled in a catfight with a boyfriend-stealing best friend, a bratty little brother, or a particularly awkward jobsworth of an FTR bus conductor who will only take exact change. Just as you get to the zenith of your vicious, slanderous screech, your brain inevitably turns to candy floss and scramble as you might, there isn’t a single even vaguely cutting insult to hand. That is a feeling that Dr Vanderplank will almost certainly

street, the darkness of the home’, while Japanese has ‘uchi Benkei’, someone who is a bully at home but meek and mild outside. And anyone can appreciate the Finnish ‘niin pihi, että pieraiseekin sisäänpäin’, ‘so mean (s)he even farts inwards.’

Others mean little in translation.

Take ‘uma no hone’ in Japanese.

It means ‘horse bone’ in the sense ‘we don’t know what horse-bone he might be’ and is used as a putdown about a budding politician’s uncertain parentage or family background. Some take a lot of explaining, such as ‘the prattling of the tobhta’ from Gaelic and used in the Western Isles to describe the sort of woman who harangues neighbours or husbands. The tobhta was the grassed over roof of the stone-built cottage, and this is where women would go to do their haranguing.”

Uglier Than a Monkey’s Armpit is a fascinating exploration of other cultures from a decidedly different angle. Not to mention the ammunition it’s given me for the next time my housemate drinks my wine …

all three forever. Once the characters are grown up and scattered all over the world, the novel loses its tense, atmospheric throb of emotion and becomes dry and uneventful. I spent most of Divisadero waiting for a climactic reunion of all three; instead it frustratingly spiralled off into an obscurely linked tale of a French writer. After the heartbreak of The English Patient, I had been led to expect so much more; instead I was disappointingly unmoved.

NAOMI LEVER

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> culture

> 37

Art Attack

Charlotte Bilsland on getting involved in all things cultural on campus - and beyond

Y

ork is a great place to live. Sure enough, York University’s 1960’s architecture isn’t much to be inspired by but take twenty minutes to walk into the city centre and you’ll find yourself walking along ancient Roman walls and feasting on medieval architecture, enjoying cutting edge outdoor artwork and bantering with street entertainers – despite being a small city, it cannot be denied that York is a city rich in heritage, culture and artistic talent. Luckily, with a plethora of arts societies to join on campus it shouldn’t be hard to emerge yourself in all things artistic and theatrical, however, it can mean that some of the great things going on in York, the city, can be neglected, so here’s our brief summary of where we think is best to go for all things cultural.

Theatre Yo rk has two main theatres:

first, we have The Grand Opera House and second, the York Theatre Royal. In addition to these there is also the Riding Lights theatre company at Friargate Theatre and the Joseph Rowntree Theatre. The Grand Opera House, originally built as York’s Corn Exchange, first opened in 1902 and has since thrived as a live performance venue. The theatre regularly enjoys performances from celebrities and has the added bonus of a popular bar opposite, where celebrities choose to hang out after a performance.

Of course, a consequence of these highbrow acts means tickets tend to be expensive and sell out quickly.

Contrastingly, the York Theatre Royal offers a number of concessions for students, with tickets starting from as little as £2. Originally built in 1744 among the ruins of St. Leonard’s Hospital the theatre is an eclectic mix of medieval, gothic, and modern architecture and also boasts a great line-up. An upcoming show that has particularly grabbed our eye is Box Clever Theatre’s latest production, Dirty Kissing.

Box Clever’s work is broad and contemporary, with this play presenting the explosive adventure of six people from different ends of Europe who get tangled up in the dangerous underworld of drugs, crime and revenge.

Dirty Kissing is on from 20 – 22 November. Watch out for the Theatre Royal’s pantomime in the New Year too – it’s immensely popular and sells out very very quickly.

Comedy If you’re happy to travel the distance, then the Hull Truck Theatre in Hull is an excellent venue for stand-up comedy.

However within York, your safest bets for comedic talent are definitely the Grand Opera House and York Theatre Royal. Recent comedians making an appearance have included Russell Brand, Ross Noble and Jenny Éclair. The upcoming show listing doesn’t fail to disappoint either. Alan Carr, presenter of The Friday Night Project, will be performing two dates on 12 and 13 September. Frank Skinner will also be making his return to stand-up after nearly a decade on 14 September. Wait a few more weeks and you can expect performances from Sean Hughes (19 September), Lenny Henry (2 November) and Lee Mack (11 November).

Art Open air exhibitions are frequently held in the city and can be found on the council’s website, as can details of their evening project, Illuminating York, which aims to bring cutting edge outdoor artwork to the city using colourful lighting and innovative design.

When it comes to the total of art galleries in York, the choices are endless. York Art Museum makes an obvious first choice, with a wide range of paintings and sculptural exhibitions on show. Interestingly, Langwith College also features small art exhibitions and can be worth a look if you have a few minutes on campus to spare.

The Artspace, opposite Clifford’s Tower however is a great place to spend some time if you’re a fan of art. Not only does The Artspace offers relaxed arty workshops ranging from painting and life drawing to felt making, but also promises new and challenging exhibitions every 6 weeks. From 22 October – 1 November, the Artspace will be exhibiting ‘Word!’, text-based and conceptual art from Dexter, Rob Collins and Ian Parkin as a tribute to New York contemporary poet Kenneth Goldsmith.

Poetry The Artspace often has free poetry reading sessions and Kenneth Goldsmith will be reading his works on 22 October. York also has its own poetry appreciation society. It meets at Jacob’s Well, off Micklegate, on the first Friday of each calendar month between

Cultural highlights in York this term tions exhibi t h g i l or outdo ries of oured e s k ulticol r m o Y s ' r g a ber atin ast ye Novem 3 o t r Illumin he success of l e Octob t er - 26 ng on i t s d l n i i u M b f York tion o a n i m illu

Moishe’s

7.30 and 9.30.

Students a r e

months. If you would rather be performing than watching then there are also a good selection of dance companies to join, such as Strictly Salsa and P4M (pronounced perform). York University also has a good selection of dance societies such as Ballet Soc, Fusion, Dance Soc and Dancesport.

charged a discounted rate of £5 per annum plus 50p per meeting attended and only £1 if just visiting.

Music The National Centre for Early Music makes an interesting change to local live music venues such as Fibbers and City Screen Basement Bar. Situated in St. Margaret’s Church, it is home to the internationally renowned York Early Music Festival and the Beverley and East Riding Early Music Festival. It also a great venue for jazz, folk and world music. For classical music, try Sir Jack Lyons Concert Hall on campus and for those opera fans out there, check out the listings at The Grand Opera House, which often has touring shows.

Dance York is a popular destination for travelling dance companies and there are many opportunities to see dance troops at any of York’s theatres. In fact, you can’t move for outdoor dance shows in York during the Summer

i-

xh er y - new e ues ll a G t r A ork chniq ists use te ening at Y

ht op e s how art Late nig e explore re a moment in tim im T g in rk a tu p m M a p n c 6-8 . e to bitio t and ton day 2 November h g li s a h suc r - Fri 9 Octobe Monday 2

Bagel - ja music fro m some o zz-inflected Klezm fS er National Centre fo cotland’s finest m and Balkan r Early Mu usicians sic - 2 No vember 7:30pm

HANNAH WALLACE

> culture

> 38

Preview

Love and Understanding

T

he autumn leaves are falling, the campus bars are filling and there is anticipation in the air. This means only one thing: another academic year has crept upon us. For those of us returning, it means the salvaging of our rather unhealthy, pathetic looking bank balances with the arrival of that all important student loan. For some it means heads in books and camping out in

the library as we embark upon the final year of our Undergraduate career. And then there are those for whom everything is just beginning.

Crammed into a bedroom that feels more like a cell, standing in queues to fill out yet another form and constantly posing with that “pleased to meet you” smile can make the first few weeks of Uni quite unnerving.

There are posters and stalls everywhere enticing Freshers to the next

big ‘event’ or life changing society.

So where do you start?

Well look no further than the small unassuming building with bright purple doors tucked away beyond market square: ‘The Drama Barn!’ Without fail this cute little barn becomes the home to top quality student productions every

“

on life disrupts their routine and in turn highlights the fragility of the couple’s relationship. The reunion of these three friends not only prompts a trip down memory lane but forces them on a journey of self discovery. Penhall’s harsh realism presents a situation so tangible that we are left hopelessly empathetic.

“

Drama Barn, Week 3

This term in the Drama Barn:

The harsh realism presents a situation so tangible we are left feeling hopelessly empathetic

weekend. From Shakespeare to new student writing, DramaSoc’s track record is pretty impressive and this term is no different.

The line up kick starts in week three with Love and Understanding written by Joe Penhall, (the critically acclaimed author of Blue/ Orange). An exploration into the fragility of relationships, this play is an intelligent and engaging piece of modern theatre. It follows the lives of three people, Rachael, Neal and Richie. Rachael and Neal are a seemingly content couple, fulfilling their careers in the medical profession. When their fellow medical graduate Richie arrives on their doorstep from his travels, his wild, ‘happy-go-lucky’ philosophy

Although only a brief snapshot into these people’s lives, this play teaches us the true meaning of what it is to love and understand.

So when Week 3 approaches and the post-freshers week detox restores the brain cells and leaves you fresh faced and ready for something a little different, (and cheaper!) take that short walk to the Drama Barn. There you will enjoy an evening of what is guaranteed to be a display of great talent in a truly engaging piece of British theatre. And you never know, you may come back the following week. See you there.

ANNA ROHDE

Week 3 - Love and Understanding Week 4 - Wake Up Call Week 5 - The Barnarama!

Week 6 - Two Week 7 - Arsenic and Old Lace Week 8 - The Trial Week 9 - The Ash Grove

For more information check www.dramasoc. com

Ross Noble: Nobleism Grand Opera House, York. 27/09/07

F

ormer Perrier Award nominee and Time Out award winner Ross Noble has to be one of the most original comedians working today.

The lovable Geordie with his unpredictable stage show and similarly unpredictable hair has unveiled a new show every year and even now his comic act promises to be as

seller

refreshing and different as the first, proving to be a bestat Edinburgh Festival and Melbourne

International Comedy Festival on more than one occasion.

Without a doubt Noble’s talent lies in his unrivalled ability to improvise. In fact, it almost appears he doesn’t prepare for his show at all, as he runs away with some madcap train of thought, meandering from one point to the next. Noble himself admits he prepares rather loosely for his shows, admitting to scribbling his ideas in notebooks, getting on stage and eventually not even getting round to the points he planned to talk about.

Actually, as it turns out it is perhaps the members of the audience who should sider bringconi n g a notebook to the show. Noble manages to somehow form a coherent (and hilarious) tale with supreme ease as he moves from mocking the Jorvik Viking centre, to contemplating breasts as a form of weaponry and somehow have some discussion of York’s traffic problems in between. All the while making the crammed auditorium howl with laughter, before returning to his original point again.

Of course, one vital bit of information all Ross Noble fans must remember is not to arrive

late. If Noble’s seemingly haphazard method of story telling isn’t one reason to make sure you arrive ten minutes early, then it’s got to be the more than likely possibility of you becoming the brunt of one of his rants. If you’re prepared for the challenge, then make sure you’ve got some good comebacks ready as this is definitely a show where audience interaction only serves to improve the experience.

Ross Noble is spontaneous, exciting and absolutely hilarious, with a wicked hairstyle and shirt to match. His effortless style of freeform comedy is unique and refreshing and promises that you could see Noble perform on the same tour in two different places and still have a completely different show. Hence, there is no wonder why Ross Noble has been hailed as ‘Britain’s best new funnyman’, with his new show Nobleism serving as proof that he has no intentions of loosing that crown just yet.

CHARLOTTE BILSLAND

✰✰✰✰✰

Want to see all these for free? Meet and interview the arts' most famous faces? Join The Scene team and

review concerts, comedy nights, plays, musicals and more.

Email culture@vision.york.ac.uk

> Listings

>39

Listings

WEDNESDAY

How I Became the Bomb Fibbers

W

hat is the point of support acts? In order to get full value for money (particularly given the exorbitant add-on fees to tickets at the moment, see Visions past) and an opitmal position at a standing gig, you've got to be there from the offing. Which means you have no escape from whatever is on before the band you paid good money to see. Undoubtedly sometimes you witness a hidden gem: Boothby Graffoe, Misty's Big Adventure, Ray LaMontagne Tiny Dancers. But too often one has to put up with the 586, or Fonda 500. In between there is mediocrity: bands without singalongs simply because there is no previous opportunity to hear their music. Admittedly this could be solved if promoters changed the lie that is 'Very Special Guests' on the ticket to the actual support bands. At some gigs the purgatorial misery is doubled, or worse. Double headlining sometimes solves the problem, but the chances are you won't like the alternate act. To cap it off, there is then ordeal by soundcheck for the headliners. At Doves a couple of years back, this ended up lasting close to half an hour, and the final ten minutes consisted of a technician polishing a guitar. What a difference that must have made! AL

1

week TUESDAY

The Changes + Support Fibbers

£6/5 8pm

Loungecore, apparently. I don't know what that is, but this Chicago fourpiece has previously toured with the Kaiser Chiefs and sound reasonable.

Debut album Today Is Tonight is out now.

Hugh the Drover York Theatre Royal

regulars Folk Music Black Swan PH

THURSDAY Palladium Fibbers

14/10

£6/5 Milton Jones 8pm Leeds City Varieties

Fresh from supporting Lily Allen, fun, frenetic new-newromantic, slightly over-the-top four-piece return to York.

City Dukes + Support York CityScreen Basement

£4/3 8pm

Rock/dub fusion from the headliners, Captains Of Industry and Boss Caine (acoustic) provide the support, with stripped down Southern blues stomp from the latter.

£11 8pm

Sunday night is comedy night in Yorkshire. If you aren't going to the Freshers event, Milton Jones gigs the Leeds City Varieties: "I once worked as a forensic pathologist for the UN, and thought I'd found the mass grave of a thousand snowmen. Turned out to be a field of carrots", whilst Otherside in the CityScreen Basement has Martin Beaumont, Jim Jeffries and Markus Birdman.

£11 Limbo 8pm James Murphy's hot young York Theatre Royal things play asymetric rock, with cutting lyrics. Better still see the man himself later on this term in Manchester.

FRIDAY

Bombay Jazz NCEM

12/10

£3.50 7.30pm

Dynamic fusion between jazz and Indian raga. featuring Indian and American musicians.

£4/3 8pm

Pantera tribute act. Can't say much more than that really.

£5 8pm

York Theatre Royal hosts Limbo, the "tender and compelling story of a young girl’s relationship with an older man". Acclaimed production on tour fresh from the Edinburgh Festival.

BBC Folk Awards, and up in York promoting ‘Prodigal Son’.

Fusion of British, Irish and American roots music.

WEDNESDAY Vinny Peculiar Fibbers

10/10

the perfect opportunity to waste student loands. Remember to go eachway on the betting kids: the returns may not be as high, but the chances of messing up completely are lower.

£7/6 The Decemberists 8pm Leeds Met SU

£12.50 8pm

Former mental health profes- Satisfying indie music from sional, now described as the the band that brought you ‘My “The Tony Hancock Of Pop” by Mother Was A Chinese Trapeze Uncut, currently touring with a Artist’. band comprised of ex-Oasis and Smiths musicians; exquisitly The Coral £17.50 blended tragi-comic songs.

Leeds Refectory 8pm The revitalised sound of CrossTown Rebels £6 Merseybeat returns to Leeds.

Leeds Union

10pm

The world’s leading electro / minimal / techno / house label brought to you by award-winning Leeds club nights Asylum and Technique.

Alan Carr York Opera House

beer

and

£10

Leeds club promotes responsible drinking by giving you as much as you can handle for £10.

Pub Quiz The Victoria

50p per team

Hes Road pub promotes intellectually taxing responsible drinking: top prize is often a gallon of beer.

TUESDAYS Blackout, Ziggy’s

£2 10pm

Denim, leather, and tattoos aplenty, with alternative, rock and metal turned up to eleven.

WEDNESDAYS Pub Quiz Shoulder of Mutton PH

Weekly pub quiz, with various cut price drinks and free supper in this Heworth boozer.

THURSDAYS

Live Music Winning Post PH

Go to the cinema, or catch a gig, or do something interesting.

Organise a clubnight, because there aren't any alternatives.

SATURDAYS

Secrets...

Orgasmic, York Funky house.

£Free 8pm

SUNDAYS Otherside Comedy Club £7/6 CityScreen Basement 8pm

Resident comperes Dan Atkinson and Dom Woodward bring you two national stand-up acts.

Passion Orgasmic, York

LGBT friendly warm-up for the clubnight in Toffs, playing a mix of funky house and electro.

All times, prices and events correct at time of writing. Vision cannot be held responsible for any poor nights out as a result of reading this section.

Learn to make your own fun.

2

MONDAY

15/10

Amy MacDonald Leeds Cockpit

£8 8pm

Acoustic centred Glaswegian singer-songwriter fast on the way up, even though she cites Razorlight as an influence.

Debut album "This Is The Life" is out now.

£7/6 8pm

Three minute thrill blues punk, with early seventies throwbacks to Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix, the Ramones and Jimi Hendriz.

Support in the form of Runaway Sons and Doiren Starre.

TUESDAY

16/10

Metro Riots Fibbers

£7/6 8pm

The Bees, Nine Black Alps Leeds Uni Mine

£10 8pm

Three minute thrill blues punk, with early seventies throwbacks to Led Zepplin, Jimi Hendrix, the Ramones and Jimi Hendriz.

Support in the form of Runaway Sons and Doiren Starre.

8pm Isle of Wight based duo headline

Marginally less irritating of the two presenters of C4's Friday Night Project funnies up York.

Weekly jazz music, with various local acts and some from further afield. Also Sundays.

week

13/10 £11 SATURDAY York Races October Meet 8pm 11am Metro Riots One of Britain's greatest slide The Knavesmere Weekend of flat racing offering Fibbers guitar players, winner of two

Martin Simpson NCEM

drowning

Mental Mondays Bondai Beech, Leeds

11/10 SUNDAY

Jazz Black Swan PH

Make Your Own Fun Wherever

Blues Night The Maltings PH

Not stealing car stereos: The Coral play Leeds on Saturday.

GSA hosted event in Wentworth.

Nice.

FRIDAYS

Roots every week.

Sorrow music.

Jazz Wentworth Edge

Live bands every Thursday night, including Battle of the Bands.

MONDAYS

£5+ 7.30pm Fantera Rustic Vaughn Willams opera Cert. 18

derived from “Fantasia on English Folk Songs: Studies for an English Ballad Opera” performed nightly until 13th.

£6/5 8pm

Southern Dandy styled Tennessee based play electro tinted indie, with songs charting the private lives of robots, overweight women, and armies of losers.

Prinzhorn Dance School Leeds Faversham

09/10

17/10

this intimate gig, with support from the Sylvia Plath derived Amy MacDonald plays Leeds Monday. Inset: Milton Jones: Britain's funNine Black Alps.

niest Milton, Leeds this Sunday.

40 SPORT

YORK VISION

Tuesday October 9, 2007

>SPORTS FEATURES

Robert ROMANS

Vision's most passionate sports journalist catches up with the BBC's John Inverdale on set at Wimbledon Opportunism is such a wonderful thing; during my placement with the BBC at Wimbledon, I met John Inverdale who consented to an interview.

On the Saturday we met there were a grand total of 57 minutes of tennis due to the weather conditions. “It made it difficult,” stated Inverdale on the factors having an impact on his impending highlights show.

The summer’s Wimbledon was overshadowed and delayed by these constant weather problems.

“The worst moment was just sitting, watching the rain come down. Bad enough broadcasting, so for the players it must be absolute hell!” reflected Inverdale on a wet Wimbledon.

If one needed any proof of the hells of broadcasting in such conditions, just ask Sue Barker whom, on the Saturday I was there, spent the best part of seven hours present-

ing. Who said working in television was glamorous?

Nevertheless, despite the atrocious weather conditions, Inverdale was keen to point out that Wimbledon still served up its usual dose of entertainment.

“The men’s final was as good a sporting contest as you can get, and Roger Federer is the greatest single ambassador that any sport in the world currently has.”

Federer won his fifth straight final at the All England Club this summer, beating Rafael Nadal in a pulsating final.

Aside from presenting shows about people whacking a fluorescent yellow ball over a string net, Inverdale is also the anchorman for the BBC’s rugby coverage. Inverdale claims that rugby has always been a big part of his life: “My father’s life was dominated by rugby and I was brought up on the touchline. My first paid job was fetching balls from behind the stand at US Portsmouth, for which I got paid a shilling a match!”.

From such humble beginnings, Inverdale is now fronting the BBC’s coverage of rugby and apparently, “the rates of pay have improved slightly now that I’m broadcasting about it”.

Inverdale’s father was a dental surgeon in the Royal Navy. Did a career in the armed forces ever suit Inverdale junior?

“Not really. I always wanted to keep my hair too long which they wouldn’t have approved of ”.

As Inverdale wanted to preserve the state of his hair, he decided that sports journalism would be his preferred career path. “I knew it was the only option when I kept serving double faults at 5-all and deuce”.

Life as a journalist is never dull, and Inverdale is currently in France for the Rugby World Cup. New Zealand were strong favourites to win the Webb Elis trophy and Inverdale shared this view.

“New Zealand will win barring a plague of locusts, or maybe frogs!”.

Luckily, I didn't take down his lottery numbers. New Zealand were put out by hosts France on Saturday by the tight margin of 20 points to 18.

During his career, Inverdale has had the pleasure of working with many famous sporting personalities; John McEnroe is his favourite.

“Tennis expert. Wine buff. Art buff. Music buff. All-round interesting. I wish other sport stars could be so invigorating to talk to”.

“As well as McEnroe, I’d say Jonathan Davies is the best I’ve worked with – witty, entertaining, but so knowing of all things rugby”.

Sports journalism is a very tough business to get into and Inverdale has some helpful advice for anyone who wants to break into it.

“Be patient. People will say ‘no’ to you far more often than they’ll say ‘yes’. If you’ve got the talent, the door will open in the end”.

Comment editor Tom Sheldrick reflects on a summer of goodbyes as we bid farewell to Pavarotti, Henman and Mourinho

TOM SHELDRICK

The apparent revival of English rugby and football has saved British sport from an autumn of mourning, for September saw the departure of three of our most influential characters: Mourinho, Henman and Pavarotti.

Three men who appear so different in many ways, but so similar in others, their most important similarity being their reduction of sport to its most essential form: entertainment. With these three, sport has never mattered so much, or indeed so little.

A promising goalkeeper in his early days, Pavarotti famously labeled himself ‘too plump’ to play more recently. The great tenor’s influence on our beautiful game was

not through on-field displays, rather it was through music.

In particular it was through his rendition of Puccini’s Nessun Dorma, which was chosen as the BBC theme tune for Italia '90 in an aim to capture the essence of romantic, sophisticated Italy.

It did that nicely, but its legacy was so much more.

Nessun Dorma may have been the single most important factor in shaping British football as we know it today, dragging it from the hooliganism and tragedy of the 1980s towards the megabucks of our generation The '80s were appalling. In May 1985, a fire at Bradford City’s Valley Parade Ground killed 56, while just 18 days later 39 Juventus fans died at Heysel Stadium, Brussels, a consequence of which was English clubs being banned from European competition for five years.

The Hillsborough disaster of 1989 was the final straw for the authorities - 96 were killed as a result of fans being herded like animals into steel cages.

By the early '90s, everything was beginning to look up, in British football at least.

All-seater stadiums became the norm, and the Premier League was formed in 1992. We were well on the way to the football landscape of Mourinho and company.

The World Cup itself, however, was not the cause of the revolution.

It was dire.

But England, and in particular Paul Gascoigne, sparkled.

Gazza was without peer, playing with grace, elegance and exuberance; his blend of style and substance guiding England to the semifinals.

Yet it was his reaction to receiving a yellow card in that match, and therefore potentially missing the

final, that has held longest in the memory.

His tears became the definitive image of the age – Gazza showed joys of performance to rival Pavarotti, but ultimately was a loser.

Nessun Dorma was the backing music and football became transformed through its association with all that was majestic and glorious in opera.

It would be insensitive of me to compare Mourinho’s pantomime exit with Pavarotti’s sad passing (not least because I still harbour hope of Mourinho’s return to Chelsea once Abramovic joins his mates in Russian prison), but in many

ways Mourinho epitomises the football that Pavarotti created.

Glamorous, stylish and fancied by every 40-something female in the country (with disapproving Gunner husbands I imagine), the Special One was charismatic in a way Benitez and Wenger will never be.

His interviews were pure entertainment, and yet on the the pitch winning was everything. It was almost as if Pavarotti’s words, "at dawn I will win! I will win!", were inscribed on the dressing room walls as Chelsea roared back into matches on countless occasions.

While Wenger’s school of sexy football may not have approved, it’s not Jose’s fault opposition teams often "parked the bus" when visiting Stamford Bridge, and the sheer drama of the 4-2 victory over Barcelona in 2005 will be difficult to forget.

Whilst Pavarotti and Mourinho had personalities to rival their professional achievements, Tim Henman let his tennis do the talking.

Although his September retirement at Wimbledon was almost fairytale, Henman as a character was far from a born entertainer. Yet somehow he became our collective obsession every June.

I’m sure I was not the only ten –year old creeping downstairs to watch the epic battles that continued way after bedtime.

Despite being often lambasted for graciousness in defeat, he knew the importance of winning (you don’t get to four Wimbledon semi-finals and #4 in the world by accident), but was able to ultimately put sport into context.

After all, it’s only a game.

Sport doesn’t really matter...does it? comment@vision.york.ac.uk

YORK VISION

SPORT

Wednesday June 27, 2007

Photo by Tom Hole

I WANT TO WIN AWAY

41

SPORTS SHORTS wicked WHISPERS Which sports team recently spent their evening preparing for a social by challenging two female OAPs to compete in a series of exhilerating drinking games in a Wetherspoons?

The merriment ended when the ladies refused to play Ring of Fire, citing hemmorrhoids.

Derwent edge out Alcuin to claim College Cup

2007/8 AU President Jo Carter reveals her plans to Vision's Lauren Cockbill for glamourising college sport, improving facilities and retaining Roses ‘I want to win Roses…in Lancaster.’ Ambitious this may be, but shying away from a challenge isn’t something that Jo Carter entertains.

Being elected for the position of AU President was a challenge in itself; Carter is the first successful female in thirteen years.

‘I didn’t expect to get in! Especially as there hasn’t been a female president for such a long time. But in the end I won by 150 votes, which was a big surprise because at one point it was very close. Some people have suggested that being a female might have helped me win, but I’m doubtful because of the last thirteen years. I think the amount of time you put into your campaign is crucial. I did make the effort to approach lots of women’s teams so that may have helped me win.’

Carter’s aim to win Roses on Lancaster soil is a bold statement to make. Nevertheless, such belief in our ability is just what York need.

And we have reason to be confident, as Carter astutely points out: ‘When we won, we won convincingly, which means we have the capability of winning again away from home. When there were matches we lost, they were close. If we can just tighten the gap then we will have a fighting chance of winning next year’s Roses.’

Fighting talk is important but what measures need to be implemented to confirm that York performs to its potential?

‘I think sorting out the sleeping arrangements will be important.

Where possible we need to make sure that those coming in after a night out on Friday, either because they’re not competing until Sunday or because they competed that day and aren’t competing again, don’t

disturb those who have to compete on Saturday. The same principle goes for Saturday night.’

This year Lancaster’s AU President imposed a drinking ban, in his determination to win the elusive Roses away victory. Is this an option for York next year?

‘I wouldn’t impose a drinking ban because it’s not my place; it’s down to the team captains.’

Even the professional attitude of abstaining from alcohol wasn’t enough to secure a Lancaster victory, so will separating the competitors in their sleeping arrangements be enough? Surely, for this prestigious event that happens only once a year, enough money should be available for hotel rooms? Doesn’t sleeping on lecture theatre floors grant a gross disadvantage?

‘Realistically there is no money in the budget for hotels. If we did put our competitors up in hotels it would be to the detriment of our teams for the rest of the year because less money could be given during the BUSA season.’

Staying on the subject of mon-

I wouldn't impose a drinking ban... it's down to the team captains

ey, what does Carter think about £300,000 Vision revealed was being spent on sexing up the sport centre’s image instead of improving the abysmal state of the running track?

‘The problem with spending the money on the track is that athletics does not have a high enough profile, and they train elsewhere too. The changing rooms are in real need of a revamp. The idea is to install good showers in the changing rooms so students feel they can come to the sports centre before lectures, knowing that they can have a quick shower afterwards before heading off. By improving the changing facilities the aim is to increase participation at the sports centre.’

But surely the reason athletics doesn’t have a high profile is because of the poor track?

‘Yes, the issue of the track is a vicious circle. But with Hes East hopefully a decent track can be built there.’

With all this talk of Roses, where does college sport feature in the AU President Elect’s priorities?

‘College sport is very important.

This year it has been very well run and I want to maintain that. College sport is great because it encourages participation; it is a stepping stone to university sport. Two men who played hockey for Halifax this year are now playing for the university which is a great transition.’

And are there any areas for improvement?

‘There are always areas for improvement. My goal is to improve the website. Sometimes there have been breakdowns in communication and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen. I’m looking forward to working with Jack Kennedy [the newly elected Vice President].’

With double the student population, we won't be able to use our size as an excuse Improvement is something Carter is eager to implement in all areas of sport at York. For a university with a relatively small population and relatively average facilities, how can we improve our standings in the BUSA leagues?

‘I was talking to Tom Moore about this recently. He reckons that if we started back two weeks earlier we would finish ten places higher in BUSA standings. We are at a distinct disadvantage when we have to play universities that have already had two weeks training more than us. Hes East should provide us with better facilities which in turn should improve participation and performance levels. With double the student population, we won’t be able to use our size as an excuse. However this is a long term solution. For the mean time the AU needs to continue supporting the clubs.’

Whilst we are enjoying our long summer holiday, Jo Carter will be busy learning the ropes of her new position. It remains to be seen if her ambitious Roses talk will pay off, but one thing’s for certain, she won’t go down without a fight.

Skipper Nick Davies' powerful strike earnt Derwent 1sts a 1-0 victory over Alcuin in the College Cup final.

The charity football event, organised by Vanbrugh's Jack Nicholas, was fiercely contested after hot favourites Goodricke exited the competition, having been beaten by both of the eventual finalists.

Alcuin controlled long periods of the first half, having a goal disallowed after Andrew Wakeford's cross appeared to have sneaked over the line. Unfortunately for Wakeford, the referee was poorly placed and so the teams went into the interval on level terms.

In the second half, the tide turned as an uncharacteristically nervous performance from former university Vice Captain Ben Matthews gave Derwent several good chances. Their pressure finally told when Davies snaked down the right channel, before driving the ball smoothly into the bottom corner from twenty yards.

wicked WHISPERS Which major campus sports club's newlyelected president recently owned up to being responsible for a story that swept through the university last term? Rumours swirled that somebody had defecated in a book somewhere in the campus library, and Vision hears that the culprit is a suprisingly prominent member of the sporting community.

42 SPORT

Just like the Spice Girls, Athletic Union membership cards are making a comeback.

Students can now sign up for AU membership online and then collect their cards from the AU office in the Student Union building.

Alternatively, memberships can be purchased at the AU Mart (part of the YUSU Fair) on Saturday Week 1.

wicked WHISPERS

York Air Ambulance chosen as AU Charity The Yorkshire Air Ambulance is the AU’s chosen Charity of the year, with the union aiming to raise over £10,000.

There will be fundraising events and schemes throughout the year such as the race night, dodgeball tournament and hotlyanticipated AU calendar.

AU President Jo Carter, inspired by her cycling trip to Amsterdam last term, is also organising a sponsored bike ride to Lancaster in the Easter holidays.

The event will take place over two days, as Carter aims to set a marker down for sporting triumph in Lancaster ahead of Roses in May.

Ultimate Frisbee looking to be the ultimate hosts for Ultimate competition The Ultimate Frisbee Club are applying to host the national championships. The competition takes place next May and would see around twenty four teams gracing York's hallowed frisbee-flinging turf.

V

Which sports club will find it easier to recruit freshers now that a former first-team player has graduated? The member in question was often a bit too keen to show off his killer tackle to trialists, but his departure has certainly left a sizable role to fill in the starting line-up.

Tiger’s not the one to fear, he’s the one to beat

ish Youth Championship. His most illustrious year was 2000 where he dominated Europe with six victories on the tour, which saw him equal the record set by Seve Ballesteros, Nick Faldo and Colin Montgomerie. He even ousted Monty from his European Order of Merit throne, from which he had ruled for seven years.

However it is in the Ryder Cup where Westwood routinely shines.

In the 2004 Ryder Cup at Oakland

der Cup; the imperious aura of the Americans is not something that intimidates him. In fact, when Tiger Woods is mentioned, Westwood is quick to state his opinion.

"Tiger's not the one to fear, he’s the one to beat. You shouldn’t fear anyone. You shouldn’t fear anyone if you want to be competitive with

I went into this room with lots of cameras and mirrors... quite kinky really!

V

Hills and again at the K Club in Ireland last September, he remained unbeaten in all five matches. With such credentials to his name it is surprising Westwood has failed to make an impact at any of the four Majors. In 2004 he achieved his best ever Major position, finishing fourth. What can Westwood do to transfer his stunning Ryder Cup performances to the Majors?

"I need to play every shot on its merits. Just breaking it down to that shot that you’re playing in the Ryder Cup being the only thing you’re thinking about. Not thinking about anything else like the next shot. Every single shot needs to be like playing the last shot to the last green of the tournament, and then knocking it onto the green to win."

It is Westwood’s mentality which will determine his Major success in the future. His mental game is obviously solid in the Ry-

PUT YOUR WESTWOOD FORWARD V

AU Cards set to make triumphant return

> Vision's Lauren Cockbill talks to one of England and Europe's leading golfers about Tiger, the Ryder Cup and spending time in the hall of mirrors...

Vision caught up with Westwood after his opening round at the Barclays Scottish Open in Loch Lomond. Falling a week before The Open at Carnoustie, some consider Loch Lomond a warm-up tournament for the following week, despite the courses being very different.

Westwood had made a dream start to his Scottish Open campaign, shooting 65 on his opening round. He put much of this down to his new putting technique. "I had my putting swing analysed in Birmingham last week. I went into this room which had lots of cameras and mirrors in it so my swing could be looked at from all different angles. Quite kinky really!"

Westwood’s kinky experience certainly paid off as going into the second day at Loch Lomond, he was joint leader with fellow Brit Graeme Storm, Dane Soren Hansen and world no.3 Phil Mickleson. During a successful career, Westwood has shown he can compete with the top of the field, but one victory obstinately eludes him.

As a junior, he took to the game like a duck to water. Born and raised in Worksop, Nottinghamshire, Westwood took up golf at the age of thirteen. By fifteen he was already the Nottinghamshire junior champion. Another two years later and he had won his first amateur tournament, and at age twenty he turned pro after winning the Brit-

V

SPORTS SHORTS

YORK VISION

Tuesday October 9, 2007

them. There’s a respect there but

not fear."

Aside from his fighting talk, Westwood is quite the joker. Comments on the 'kinky' experience had the press conference in fits of giggles. The frank and open character he conveys to the media certainly hasn’t done him any harm. In fact, it helps him gain perspective on his career. Does he feel forgotten when all the talk is now about the prospects of Luke Donald and Paul Casey?

"No, not at all. I don’t pay a massive amount of attention to it.

It’s the age thing I always chuckle at; you class them as youngsters at thirty and I’m thirty-four! At my second Ryder Cup I was already classed as a veteran! I definitely don’t feel forty-five."

Someone who is considerably older, Colin Montgomery, daringly claimed that Tiger Woods is at a vulnerable phase of his career.

Again, to this comment, Westwood just laughed:

"How’s he vulnerable? Because he doesn’t win every week? He isn’t going to win every week. He wins more than his fair share. I think people are grasping at straws when they say he’s vulnerable. Get your money on him for the PGA Championships. He’ll be there or there abouts, he always is. He nearly was in the last two, what did he finish?

Second and second!" As Westwood predicted, in August Woods won his thirteenth golf major at the PGA Championships.

So what are the odds on Westwood winning that elusive major? Time is on Westwood’s side; at thirty-four he still has many years ahead of him. But the sooner he breaks his duck the better. At forty-four, Monty is evidence that the longer the major duck continues, the harder it is to break. If, however, Westwood can mirror his Ryder Cup performances in the majors he might just be worth a punt.

YORK VISION

Tuesday October 9, 2007

SPORT

2007/8 BUSA FOOTBALL LEAGUE PREVIEW

FIRSTS FACE FIGHT FOR BUSA SURVIVAL

BY ALEX RICHMAN

FROM BACK PAGE

UYAFC's captain has called for more support as he attempts to rebuild the university first team after a number of high-profile departures.

Speaking exclusively to York Vision, Dominic O'Shea revealed that a more vocal campus audience could spur his new-look football 1sts to another successful BUSA league season.

While student interest remains high for derby games such as Varsity (versus York St. John) and Roses (versus Lancaster), achievements in the major national competitions often go unacknowledged, a sore point for many involved with the club.

Despite sweeping their way to a domestic double, the enduring memory of the footballing year for many students was a narrow 0-1 home defeat during Roses - a point not lost on O'Shea.

“Some people were very quick to criticise us after [the game against Lancaster]. The lack of support is a shame considering the superb season we’ve just had.”

The forward made it clear where the club’s priorities lie for the upcoming year: “Obviously there’s a lot of focus on the Roses event and it is considered our most important game of the season, but the BUSA league puts us in perspective of other universities in terms of the standard we play so we always want to be climbing up the BUSA tables."

This will be no easy task, with last year’s tremendously successful side gouged by graduation.

Campus teams are constantly faced with reshaping and retooling their starting line-ups as senior players leave the university, but few are affected so seriously as the football 1sts.

The graduating players were significant in both number and stature, and O’Shea has admitted that replacing them will be a massive undertaking.

However, the squad will take comfort from their captain’s story.

Arriving at York after a gap year which saw him on the books of Conference South side Sutton United, Dominic O’Shea wasted little time in becoming a crucial part of the first team.

The decision to name the striker as Player of the Year was cemented after a breathtaking hat-trick in the NUL Cup semi-final against Leeds 1sts; with only twenty minutes remaining York trailed 0-2, only for O’Shea to blast them into the final where they destroyed Bradford 1sts 5-2.

York followed up their cup final win by sealing promo-

43

the departed CENTRE BACK Vice-captain and a strong candidate for Player of the Year. Brought a wicked left-footed delivery to the side.

CENTRE BACK Commanding aerial presence with remarkable vision. Despite struggling with injuries, his consistency and concentration was often crucial.

RIGHT MIDFIELD A pacy winger with enough stamina to rip defences to shreds.

Often weighed in with important goals.

CENTRE MIDFIELD Captain that led by example with a season of battling displays. Sure to be sorely missed.

CENTRE FORWARD Deeply experienced first team player, with a biggame mentality. His technical gifts helped him forge a strong partnership with O’Shea.

Former 1sts vice-captain Ben Matthews, pictured, is one of five senior players that will need to be replaced before the start of the BUSA league season next week. Photo by Tom Hole

tion from the BUSA fourth division, but their triumphs were met with indifference by the student body.

O’Shea’s target of climbing the BUSA league ladder may be the key to boosting the club’s support.

Even after gaining promotion, York’s 1sts will be facing other universities’ second string sides while York St John take their place in Northern Division 1A. However, O’Shea was keen to point out the sporting focus of the rival university:

“[they run] several sportsrelated courses, which is something the University of York doesn’t have. They are always likely to have more sport-orientated students than we do, but we showed we could match them last year by holding them to a 0-0 draw.”

O'Shea's team will get their chance at revenge later in the year at Varsity, but for now they must concentrate on survival.

A second relegation in three years would be a bitter

pill for the remaining players to swallow.

Having needed only one season in the BUSA Northern Division's fourth tier to get back to Division 3, UYAFC will be determined to prove their worth.

They will also be keen to attract a wider audience on campus.

York's first chance to witness the new first team will be when the side hosts Trinity & All Saints on October 24th.

fixture LIST BUSA Northern Division 3B 17/10/07 Northumbria 2nds vs York 1sts 24/10/07 York 1sts vs Trinity & All Saints 1sts 31/10/07 Bradford 1sts vs York 1sts 07/11/07 Leeds 2nds vs York 1sts 14/11/07 York 1sts vs Durham 2nds 21/11/07 York 1sts vs Northumbria 2nds 28/11/07 Trinity & All Saints 1sts vs York 1sts 05/12/07 York 1sts vs Bradford 1sts 30/01/08 Durham 2nds vs York 1sts

Tuesday October 9, 2007

Issue 182

MOVE OVER MURRAY: VISION AT WIMBLEDON

P41

S W E I V R E T N I G I B E H T R O F R E P A P S YOURNEW

LEE WESTWOOD

JOHN E L A D R E INV

DOMINIC'S DILEMMA FOOTBALL 1STS CAPTAIN LOSES HALF OF HIS BUSA LEAGUE-WINNING TEAM

BY ALEX RICHMAN The University of York’s football captain has revealed his concerns on the eve of a new season where his side will attempt to cope without FIVE of the players that won them promotion and the NUL cup last year.

D o m i n i c O’Shea, pictured with his cup winner's medal, was rewarded with the captaincy last term after being voted the club’s Player of the Year as a fresher.

“It’s very hard to predict how we’ll do this season, as a lot depends on the new players that will arrive, but having gained promotion last year and lost several key players

we expect it to be a tough season.”

UYAFC will move to BUSA’s Northern Division 3B without former captain Dan Brown and his vice-captain Ben Matthews, as well as O’Shea’s strike partner Pardeep Singh. Fellow former firstteam regulars Andy Riddle and John Searle have also left.

Trials held this week will bring new players to the deflated squad but O’Shea has stressed that it is more important than ever for the student body to support their side throughout the BUSA league campaign.

The team's season begins away to Northumbria 2nds next Wednesday.

FULL STORY: PAGE 43

DOMINIC O'SHEA SPEAKS EXCLUSIVELY WITH VISION SPORT