Issue 183

BIRTHDAY ISSUE!

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TANG HALL SURVIVAL GUIDE CENTRES

>LIFESTYLE

>FEATURES www.yorkvision.co.uk

ISSUE 183

NOMINATED FOR GUARDIAN NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

Tuesday November 6, 2007

NUS £1.1M LOSS SCANDAL How cock-ups, bureaucracy and a trip to the seaside drained YOUR money away

EXCLUSIVE

BY ADAM THORN THE NUS LOST £1.1m of student money last year - with NUS Extra cards, designed to drag them out of financial turmoil, contributing a LOSS of £18k.

The information comes as part of a Vision investigation into NUS expenditure, which reveals damning evidence of financial mismanagement within the organisation. Our report reveals how: Their predictions of the income of NUS EXTRA were “significantly overstated”.

They spend £300k of student money holding their annual conference in one of the UK’s premier locations.

The NUS splashed out £110k on a business development manager during their loss-making year.

FULL STORY PAGE 4-5

Photo by Alexander Duncan

SCENE

CHEER UP!

2NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 6, 2007

your week

PORTERS' BAFFLING MESSAGE TO LANGWITH STUDENTS...

NEWS AT A GLANCE P2

Students told to avoid hitting alarm in emergencies

P3

Privilege card row sparks accusations of cliqueyness.

We reveal how NUS has wasted student money.

P4&5 P6

Coersive Christian cult revealed on campus.

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"

Ironically, we were by far

the best dressed people on the bus

"

Goodricke footballer after being kicked off the ftr

GOOD WEEK bad week GOOD WEEK

LANGWITH C BLOCK

Didn't go up in flames – this time

BAD WEEK

SOCIETIES

Top campus societies missed out on privilege cards due to alleged YUSU cliqueyness

the number cruncher 1.1m 100

Pounds that NUS lost in an incredible twelve month period Number of black privilege cards given to YUSU

Allen Warren 24 Years held the position of Vanbrugh Provost

3

Relocated Vanbrugh Students wanting to stay in Derwent

...DON'T BOTHER HITTING THE ALARM

BY EMILY FAIRBAIRN

CAMPUS SECURITY reprimanded students from Langwith College for smashing the fire alarm and calling out emergency services last week, instead of contacting porters, when they set fire to their dinner.

The University staff demanded to know why the students didn’t just tell someone, rather than trigger the alarm when the burgers that they were cooking went up in flames.

“There was no one to tell,” said Economics student, Ursula Kvawczyk. “Langwith doesn’t have 24 hour porters.”

Another C Block resident added: “what did they want us to do? Leave the block to burn down whilst we went to find help?”

Witnessing the fire, which resulted in the entire C Block building being evacuated for two hours, the girls panicked and did what they thought was “the most responsible thing” – breaking the glass of the alarm.

Kvawczyk and her friend Amy Tobin said that the incident highlighted "the problems surrounding the lack of porters on duty in the evenings – both in the interests of student safety and to prevent wasting the time of the fire brigade.”

Elsewhere on campus, fire

alarms have been ringing throughout the different colleges, resulting in frequent evacuations by disgruntled students.

A Psychology experiment that went wrong resulted in the whole department having to abandon their work after smoke billowed out of a microwave and activated the alarms.

In another incident steam from a student’s hair straightners resulted in an evacuation of one block in James College.

While, On the other side of campus, residents of the newly built Bleachfields are growing increasingly frustrated by the dust from the building works that are getting

trapped in the sensors, causing them to sound on a daily basis.

This has even resulted in two fire engines being called to Vanbrugh College amidst one of many false alarms.

A first year student remarked that: “the alarms are going off so regularly that people are beginning to ignore them, which is potentially very dangerous.”

However, Academic and Welfare Officer, Grace FletcherHall was keen to point out that students should under no circumstances ignore sounding-alarms; moreover, that students should "continue to use" the alarms in case of fire.

STOP COURTING AROUND AND GET INDOORS NETBALL COURTS DEEMED UNSAFE

BY CLARE GRIBBLE DANGEROUS SURFACES of outdoor courts have caused the Sports Centre to ban netball teams from using them, forcing matches and practices indoors.

Manager John Maron deemed the area “too unsafe to play on” after a review of all the sports facilities, and has urged the University to resurface them. However, it is thought that this will not take place until the summer, leaving college sports teams to fight for limited space in the tent.

Goodricke netball captain Amy

Greensmith said, “It’s going to be a lot harder to book indoor courts as there are so many people wanting to practice on them.” The second year netballer also questioned how long the courts had been a health and safety risk for: “We played half a match last week that had to be called off because everyone was falling over. One girl even had to hobble off after she twisted her knee.”

The outdoor courts cost only £4 to hire out for an hour, whilst their indoor equivalent is priced at £12. This means that college sports teams may now be unable to afford

to practice.

AU Referee Co-ordinator, Katie Cowper-Johnson, said: “I don’t know why they didn’t re-surface them this summer, I’m so pissed off.”

Carl Hodgson, an employee of the centre, admitted that they had received a few complaints in the past but said that no-one had been seriously injured. “Instead of taking any risks, we’ve cancelled the use of the outdoor courts. It’s health and safety issues really.”

Controversially, the courts, which were last surfaced fifteen years ago with bitumen, cement and wood fibre, are still available to play

NEWS

YORK VISION

NOT FOR YOU

Tuesday November 6, 2007

SOCIETIES LOSE-O UT AS EXEC VOTE S TO KEEP EXCLUSIVE CARDS WITHIN YUSU

BY RACHEL SYKES AND LAUREN KELLY ACCUSATIONS OF “cliqueyness” have been levelled at YUSU after it was exposed that they chose to withhold VIP privilege cards from top campus societies, in order to distribute them to YUSU officers.

100 ‘Black Cards’, which entitle the owner to exclusive privileges at Toffs and Gallery nightclub were proposed to be given out to the presidents of the University’s top 20 societies to entice them to take their socials there.

However, the VIP cards, guaranteeing the owner and a ‘plus one’ queue-jumping and free entry to the clubs, have been distributed solely amongst various JCR, YUSU and AU officers – not amongst campus societies and organisations as suggested.

Dominic O’Shea, York University’s football team captain, complained: “I’m disappointed that

clubs and societies weren’t even notified.”

The decision to keep societies in the dark about the existence and availability of the cards was made by YUSU’s Executive Officers – some of whom already own ultraexclusive Platinum cards allowing free entry for the card holder and four guests.

Karl Johnson, PR manager of Luminar Group Holdings who own and manage the two clubs, emphasised the importance of reaching as wide a demographic as possible with the cards, telling Vision: “The VIP card initiative aims to incentivise the key movers and shakers at York University, allowing Toffs and The Gallery the opportunity to build relationships with all students.”

One disgruntled society president has attacked the move as “cliquey distribution,” claiming his own organisation of socials greatly outnumbers the workload of either the Student Action or JCR chairs.

“It was a flawed process,” he complained.

WHO'S GOT THEM..

RS E C I F F O U S U >Y RS E B M E M C R C >SENIOR J S, E R P U S S ' R >LAST YEA RICH CROKER DERS D I B Y K C U L >5

However, AU President Jo Carter has said that it is “in the interest of fairness” that the cards have been distributed to strictly internal positions, such as Union Senate, and the extra divided between external associates.

Fusion president, Amy Browne, was upset with YUSU’s decision, remarking: “We’re the biggest society on campus and could have got a lot of people into those clubs.”

The list of recipients of the VIP cards was compiled by Services and Finance Officer Matt Burton, and brought before Exec – the SU's super-committee – for approval last week.

When asked if this was a less democratic method of distributing privilege cards, Services and Finance Officer Matt Burton responded: “Absolutely not.”

On hearing news of YUSU’s decision, captain of York’s Rugby Union team Paul Goodall said, “It does seem odd that the SU have received the cards, when Gallery and Toffs would gain more revenue if they were given to jocks.”

Hockey captain James Hume also cited the supposed advantages of the scheme: “I would very much like one of these cards as it would provide me with a greater reach to recruit players.”

Despite denying societies the promotional cards, Sabbs have suggested that up to 5 cards will be auctioned off with the proceeds going to RAG. However, Karl Johnson has suggested that this would be a breach of Luminar’s agreement with YUSU, saying: “We would be extremely disappointed if any of the VIP cards were being sold as The Gallery and Toffs have worked very hard this year to ensure all York University students get the best possible deals.”

Societies and Communications Officer, Sam Bayley denied any wrong-doing, saying: "We appreciate that most people would like one of these cards. Unfortunately, there are not enough to go round, so they are being distributed fairly."

WHO HASN'T..

ES >SOCIETI TS N E D U T S RY >ORDINA

3

FOOTBALLERS' FTR F*CK-UP

BY DAN HEWITT GOODRICKE FOOTBALLERS were chucked off the bus last week by rude FTR conductors accusing them of rowdy behaviour. The players were told off for swearing at a female member of staff, and with similarly bad language told to “get off the f***ing bus now”.

Sporting suits, top hats and cigars in a ‘Gentleman’ themed celebration of their 2nd team’s 3-0 victory over James College the footballers planned to end their evening in The Gallery. However, they were ejected from the number four bus on Heslington Road and forced to walk the remainder of their journey.

“The Conductor warned us not to sing or swear before we’d even got on the bus.”, said Goodricke FC Social Secretary Dominic O’Shea, but insists that the large group “were by no means causing trouble”.

According to first year Tom Elliott, the conductor, in an unprovoked verbal attack, “began swearing at a few lads despite warning us about our language and even threatened one player.”

O’Shea’s reaction to the incident was mere disappointment mixed with vague insult as they were “by far the best dressed people on the bus.”

STOP STEALING OUR STUDENTS Photo by Alex Papushoy

BY DAN HEWITT SNEAKY STRATEGIES used by rival colleges to keep temporarily-relocated Vanbrugh students for themselves have been exposed after an influx of complaints.

Goodricke and Derwent, accommodating some of the 100 homeless Vanbrugh members, are charged

by Vanbrugh Chair, Ryan Bennett, with the use of “underhand tactics” to persuade them to stay in their provisional lodgings.

“Vicious rumours are being spread about our college” to deter the unknowing freshers railed Bennett. Goodricke failed to publicise Vanbrugh freshers’ events and are also said to have sold the relocated students tickets to Goodricke events claiming that they would also work in Vanbrugh. One annoyed lodger said, “We are Freshers, we didn’t know any better.”

Bennett said that he had received several complaints from Vanbrugh students wise to the deceitful behaviour of both Derwent and Goodricke.

“A number of our members living in other colleges have told me they feel victimised.”

Derwent Chair, Jamie Tyler, said that his college does not condone the enticement of Vanbrugh students: “So far two or three people have expressed an interest to stay and we openly welcome anyone else.”

As one of the University’s smallest colleges, Vanbrugh cannot afford to lose valuable members; Bennett simply asks that his students are allowed to “know the facts about our college and given the opportunity to see what the new accommodation is like before they make up their minds.”

4NEWS

YORK VISION

LAUGHING ALL THE BEACH

Tuesday November 6, 2007

We read them... ...so you don't have to Lett-uce go!

Wadham is to become the fourth Oxford college to acquire a new mascot, in the form of a tortoise, reports The Cherwell.

Students hope to enter their new pet in the annual Corpus Christi Tortoise Fair, in which different colleges place their tortoises, facing away from each other, into the middle of a circle of lettuce leaves; the first one to reach the edge is crowned victor.

Wadham SU is also considering giving the tortoise the deciding vote in any tied motions due to the amphibian’s alleged “revolutionary vision”.

Pricey Fries Curly fries are off the menu at Exeter University, writes Exposé. The popular snack has been removed after the rising potato prices in the UK left university canteens in financial difficulty.

“Bring them back!” implored Exeter’s students, desperate for the comfort food that eased their hangovers.

However, with a European shortage and UK flood damage causing an extensive outbreak of potato blight their demands are unlikely to be met - unless they are prepared to pay £4 a portion!

Any one fancy stocking up with a trip to Iceland then?

iMazing!

A Leeds University fresher was made a worldwide phenomenon as Apple Inc. picked up his home-made YouTube ad.

Leeds Student reports that the first year student’s simple homemade YouTube video was enlisted as the main focus for Apple’s worldwide advertising campaign for the iPod Touch.

The video, inspired by a line in a CSS song that says “My music is where I‘d like you to touch”, was created in one day, and has now been viewed over 711,000 times on YouTube.

Apple emailed him expressing an interest, and shortly after flew him out to Los Angeles to work on a High Definition version of the advert, which has since been aired on a global scale. The next round of drinks is definitely on this fresher!

Bristol bobbies Community service, up to £100 in fines, and possible expulsion are what Bristol students could be facing for any perceived misconduct, writes Epigram.

New additions to the 07/08 Student Handbook grant Bristol University the right to inflict these outrageous punishments on their students if they prove too rowdy for neighbouring residents.

The motion has caused a ruckus amongst staff and students who have accused the University of usurping the responsibility of the hall wardens and even local Police.

Jasmine Phillips

BY ADAM THORN

A VISION INVESTIGATION into NUS finances reveals evidence of severe financial mismanagement within the organisation – which is draining students’ cash through a series of cock-ups and overestimates.

The NUS lost £1,120,503 of students’ cash last year with NUS Extra cards, costing £10 each, losing the organisation over £18k. The loss comes during a year in which the NUS blew over £100k on employing a business development manager to help the union.

Official documents obtained by Vision show how the NUS admit that income from their ‘extra’ cards were “significantly overstated” compared with their original predictions – despite spending £245k on their finance department. The cards cost the NUS £740k last year and that is due to rise by over 100k this year.

Money has also been wasted on expenses and bureaucracy. £120k alone was placed on travel, accommodation and expenses. The NUS admit the majority of this involved paying for accommodation for their annual conference. The total cost for holding the event stands at £300k – something that an NUS report states as giving “cause for concern”. The NUS chose to hold it in the UK’s premier conference location of Blackpool - despite their financial troubles.

Meanwhile the NUS released a governance review of their organisation – which delivered some harsh words on their internal workings.

The review calls some recent changes made to the NUS’ structure as “pointless”. It also adds that: “Several mandates for the NUS’ governance to be reviewed and reformed dramatically have been effectively ignored”.

But in its most damning statement, the review reveals how the: “Cumbersome structures, procedures and policies of the NUS appear to be a barrier to rather than a tool for change and increased student movement.” Plus it adds that many members feel that their policy making procedures are “flawed”.

The NUS receive the majority of their funding through SUs who pay tens of thousands of pounds for membership – money that would otherwise be given back to students. Senior NUS officers have been receiving £22k a year salaries while overseeing horrific losses in income.

Responding to our investigation, NUS National Treasurer Dave Lewis defended the union telling Vision: “NUS finances are definitely on the road to recovery.” Dave added: “We have recently undergone a comprehensive restructuring process, and we predict that by the end of the year, we will have reduced our deficit to £300,000. We are also committed to breaking even within three years”.

Our investigation comes just a day into a York referendum on NUS membership. Southampton University disbanded from the NUS three years ago, and current president Sarah Moore tells Vision that the university has “no plans” to rejoin. She added she thinks the current NUS is

£1.1 million £300k BLACKPOOL CONFERENCE

£110k 'BUSINESS DEVELOPMENT' MANAGER

£18k LOSS ON NUS CARDS

SOCS: HOW WOULD YOU SPEND THE DOSH? The cost of affiliation to NUS is around £36,000 per year. If that money was reinvested into societies, what would be done with it?

Email yorkvisioneditor@google mail.com. “pretty unstable at the moment”.

Sarah argues that the university has benefited from disaffiliating and that Southampton was: “not getting anything back” from membership. The university used to be paying around £40k a year to continue to be affiliated and now reinvests that money back into the

union. However Edinburgh’s association president Josh MacAlister defended the NUS after the university joined 3 years ago – arguing that many of the “scare stories” surrounding membership aren’t true.

Dave Lewis added that, while the NUS are in trouble, individual

SOCS: HOW WOULD YOU SPEND THE DOSH? Drama Soc: “We’ve got massive problems with the drama barn at the moment as a venue. We’d invest in renovation, securing our future, buying a projector, or some Shakespeare originals!”

University of York Boat Club: “The cost of a new racing shell is massive, up to eighteen thousand pounds. Even a six year old boat is about ten thousand. But that’s what we need to race.”

Images by Matt Kirman

student press

unions have benefited from their investment. He said: “Last year NUS Extra brought in over £1million of new income for students’ unions York alone received £20,000 of new income. And already this year we have seen NUS Extra put £750,000 into students’ unions”.

However these individual unions still contribute £3.6m to the NUS - meaning unions are still losing nearly £3m in affiliation fees based on last years estimates. The NUS predict that this year the organisation will lose a further £675k but has set itself a savings target to reduce that deficit to £300k.

NUS president Gemma Tumelty was unavailable for comment over the weekend.

NEWS

YORK VISION

THE WAY TO

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

EXTRA CARD SALES MASSIVELY OVER-PROJECTED £300k BLACKPOOL WASTE

DISCOUNT CARDS: DO YOU NEED ONE?

A QUICK trawl around high street businesses that 'only' offer an NUS Extra discount reveals that guile gets you further than a card alone in blagging money off.

YORK UNI CARDS ONLY

SOCS: HOW WOULD YOU SPEND THE DOSH? URY: “We would always like more money! I reckon we’d put on a fab fab gig, try get someone good to come play and establish it as a regular feature of campus live. We’d love our listenership to increase and students get more aware of the station as well as our output."

NUS EXTRA NEEDED

Tennis: "We currently haven't even got enough money to train indoors - a bit of extra cash would mean we'd use decent facilities."

York Sailing and Windsurfing Club: “£36k could buy us six new Fireflies, the boats we use. So three grand is about half a boat.”

Vision: “An excellent new computer. And fairy lights and a piss up.”

VANBRUGH ENTS Reps have accused Derwent College of poaching their rave idea and ruining their ‘U.V.’ event.

The Planet V, which was originally scheduled for Week 5, had to be moved to Week 9 after ‘Rave D’ posters were put up advertising an identical themed night to take place the week before.

Vanbrugh Ents Rep, Sarah Winter, said, “We’re not too happy about it. If they’d done their job properly and handed in the forms when they should have, they would have known we were doing the same event.”

Vanbrugh Chair, Ryan Bennett, admitted that the clash “could have been a coincidence”, but said, “there are rumours going around” that it was deliberate.

Derwent Chair, Jamie Tyler, hit back at the accusations, insisting: “We knew nothing about their U.V. night and wouldn’t purposefully go out to sabotage them.”

Derwent Ents Rep, Sian Thomas, confessed: “I knew they originally had a U.V. night planned, but thought it had been replaced by Love Music Hate Racism. I don’t think we did anything wrong.”

Better Shack

BY EMILY HODGES

NUMBER CRUNCHER A

What could £36,000 buy York students if we weren't part of NUS? vibrating cock rings (one for every 5,142 Durex male undergraduate) 11” Margheritas from Efes. Laid end to 9,000 end, the junk food would stretch from campus to the river.

BLACKPOOL FUN: NUS President Gemma Tumelty

RAVING MAD

BY ANNA BEVAN

5

to Toffs on a Tuesday night, if 14,400 entries they ditched the NUS-Extra discount.

900 copies of the Rocky box set for Derwent JCRC. of White Lightning, enough to fill 42,000 pints the lake to 0.03% of its normal level Open Tennis Balls, which 37,000 Australian would completely cover five courts.

NUS REFERENDUM - WEEK 6

YES - tom langrish

NO - alan yonge

We acknowledge that the NUS is not in the best financial state – the NUS hasn’t been perfect on some organisational levels, but things are improving. If we have an NUS that gets into deeper financial crisis it will be less effective at the services it provides. NUS Extra will be a gold standard for discounts in years to come – it is down to the retailer whether they check for NUS Extra. NUS Ltd supplies stock to Your:Shop up to £10,000 cheaper that it’s alternatives, ensuring cheap shopping for students. Staff support is the greatest asset the NUS provide, behind the scenes of what students typically see.

These figures are a stark reflection on the financial mismanagement of the NUS. Value for money is one of the key issues in this debate – why should the NUS go to Blackpool? Why not go somewhere significantly cheaper? We’re conducting a survey on NUS Extra cards at the moment and so far after 50 interviews, 100% of respondents thought you should not have to pay for an NUS Extra cards. There is no good reason why York students should subsidise the career paths of a few exceptionally eager YUSU officers.

IS THIS HOW MUCH YORK MATTERS TO THE NUS?

>Despite assurances, with just one week to go until the most important referendum York students have ever faced, the NUS fails to get in contact

GOODRICKE COLLEGE is set to revamp its hall for their next event in a desperate attempt to escape the stigma attached to campus nights out and prevent further loss of money.

The JCRC voted to experiment with some changes to their ‘GoodShack’ venue - such as dividing the hall into two rooms to create separate dancing and chill-out areas.

Fresher Luke Geraghty claimed: “The Fright Night event felt pretty amateur - you knew you were still in a dining hall."

Goodricke College Chair, Ben Wardle, said: “Campus based events are normally very cheesy, but we want to try something different.”

The development, which includes a 'D' shaped stage in the centre of the room, is set to be unveiled at the College’s Dark Chocolate Event in Week 6.

Wardle admitted that the idea might not work and that it may even reduce capacity for the venue. However, he insisted that the aim is really "to experiment with how far the current design can be expanded. "

PROVOST LEAVES

BY TOM SHELDRICK A MAJOR RE-SHUFFLE is to take place this summer after one of campus’ longest-serving and most influential figures has revealed that he is stepping down.

Allen Warren, who has been Vanbrugh Provost for 24 years and College Coordinator for the past five, is leaving both posts next year.

Working alongside the Pro-ViceChancellor, Warren has played a vital behind-the-scenes role, with the University praising in particular his “wisdom and experience”.

Warren’s resignation from his position as head of Vanbrugh will come as a shock to students. College Chair Ryan Bennett said the Provost will be greatly missed. "He’s been here for over 20 years, and built Vanbrugh up to the college it is today.”

Despite recent problems regarding the new Bleachfields accommodation, Warren promises to leave on a high after hosting Vanbrugh’s 40th birthday celebrations in June 2008.

“It seems as good a time to leave as any. With the completion of the new residential blocks, the college renewal process is done. Yes, a bit later than would have been ideal, but I have very much enjoyed the project.”

6NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 6, 2007

EXPOSED: ELUSIVE CHRISTIAN CULT FOUND OPERATING IN UNIVERSITY

> STUDENTS TARGETED > "COERSIVE" TACTICS EMPLOYED

BY ANNA BEVAN A COERSIVE CHRISTIAN cult has been exposed as targeting vulnerable students on campus in an attempt to recruit new members.

The group, who are called the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) and are banned from many institutions across America, have recently started to appear in York – attending Christian Union meetings and local churches.

YUSU president Anne-Marie Canning has warned that they are, “a dangerous fundamentalist group,” and has urged Provosts and JCRCs to be on their guard, suggesting that they will seek to “make contact in the colleges.”

The ICOC teach that: “everyone needs to be a member of this church if they are going to go to

heaven” and are known for their aggressive behaviour at enlisting lone individuals on the fringes of society. Consequently, they demand a pivotal role in the person’s life and minimise capacity for individual thought – achieved by encouraging social exclusion from anyone outside the sect, including family.

Reverend Rory Dalgliesh, Methodist Chaplain to the University, admitted that “several people” had reported their discussions with the cult to him.

So far no students are suspected to have been converted to the ICOC as the Christian Union and local church discovered the presence of the group on campus in week two and alerted the appropriate authorities. However, since members of the cult are renowned for their elusive tendencies it is hard

to determine the overall impact that they may have already had on campus.

Although they are semi-legitimate and have one of the highest conversion rates of any religious group in the world, the ICOC are still surrounded by controversy because of their severe methods of ‘discipling’. This involves each member of the group being assigned a senior ‘disciple’ who carries out all their major decision making and effectively controls their life.

A University spokesperson said: “It is not acceptable for anyone to seek to coerce students or staff into particular beliefs or into joining any organisation. We will take what action we can to prevent this if individual cases are brought to our attention.”

Christian Union president Ed

PRESS AND

?

N O I T U C E S R E P

LANGWITH JCRC IN TURMOIL AS REPS TURN ON EACH OTHER

BY EMILIE ROOHAN AND JASMINE PHILLPS AN ULTIMATUM issued to two P&P reps has led to accusations of bullying and foul play in Langwith JCRC. The Press and Publicity officers were forced to step down following a controversial ‘private meeting’ with the college Chair, Won Youn.

During the secret meet the P&P reps were advised to resign or face a vote of no confidence for their blunders in publicising events. The move led to a call for a vote of no confidence against the Chair himself and the resignation of an angry ordinary member.

Without mention of the secret meeting, the Chair informed the committee last Tuesday that the pair had left for “personal reasons”. Youn is said to have retained information to save P&P the embar-

rassment of having their mistakes conveyed to the whole committee, but has been accused of keeping the JCRC in the dark.

Andrew Herrington, a third year ordinary member said Youn had “completely bypassed the committee and made them a laughing stock”. The ex-P&P officers echoed this view, arguing that the challenge to their position should have been made so that “the whole committee knew what was going on”.

The two reps were dismissed after reported problems with creating publicity for Langwith events, including posters with missing sponsorship logos and incorrect dates.

“They didn’t seem to realise the importance of their role,” said Vice Chair Sarah Calver, “and their mistakes seriously affected events”.

One P&P rep admitted to “teething problems” but spoke of the lack of support they had received in

tackling them and the communication problems within the committee.

Disapproving of the Langwith Chair’s conduct, Andrew Herrington dramatically called for a vote of no confidence against Youn.

Gaining no support for his proposed motion, he resigned in protest at the treatment of the P&P reps, saying “It’s bullying, that’s what you get in high school, in primary school”.

However, Vice-Chair Calver blasted Herrington’s comments as “misinformed” and “far from the truth”, defending the JCRC’s actions by comparing it to a "business".

“It needs to run smoothly - and it just wasn’t,” she said.

“Asking P&P to step down was a difficult thing to do. At the end of the day they are our friends”.

Veale expressed his concern that “[The ICOC] is hitting York citywide at the moment,” but is confident that “it won’t last long here.”

Another CU member, George Critchley, has called the group “spiritually dangerous” for subverting the Christian message of love and freedom and said that: “If you do come into contact with the International Churches of Christ, there are enough support networks and awareness groups around who can tell someone, and people will know how to help.”

Church officials are keen to make it clear that the International Churches of Christ do not represent the Christian faith as believed and practiced by anyone within the chaplaincy, local churches or the established Christian societies on campus.

Vision Reconstruction: by Jasmine Phillips

S U P M A C CULT ON

YORK VISION >facebook THIS WEEK: > PODCAST: Vision take on crime in Tang Hall, chat to the Young Knives and talk pubs with Booker prize winner Graham Swift > NEWS: York's definitive source of gossip - the latest campus news and views on facebook Add it now! http://apps.facebook.com/ yorkvision

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday November 6, 2007

COLUMNISTS

"This was like no library I had ever been in before." > Pg 12 "Stereotypes about student drinking patterns still persist."

> facebook

THE VOICE OF

NUS-less

T

he NUS is in a dire financial situation - it is unbelievable that a union obsessed with combatting student debt finds itself in an incredible £1.1million financial hole. Students should not have to pick up the bill for the NUS' financial cock-ups. The NUS is showing barefaced cheek charging students for NUS cards they used to get for free. In almost all cases, displaying a University card will suffice for getting a student discount and the NUS know this. Students are understandably choosing not to pay this 'tax' on NUS membership and instead are choosing to go without. It is unsurprising that the NUS even managed to lose money on this funding initiative last year. The meagre uptake of NUS Extra cards is already tantamount to a vote of no confidence in the NUS in its current form.

The NUS cannot carry on wasting student money. Student money must be put back in student hands.

Shut out of the club

T

his year's distribution of Toffs and Gallery privilege cards was YUSU's chance to show how it had changed. It failed. By reserving the exclusive club passes for members of the already impenatrable clique, YUSU has drawn yet another line in the sand betwen itself and the students it supposedly represents.

W

ith almost universal membership between them, societies are the genuinely representative backbone of campus life. The cards could have been distributed fairly and evenly to the key societies on campus – involving a hugely diverse range of students. Not only has YUSU betrayed the students it is accountable to, but it has gone about it in an underhand way. This is in no way acceptable.

Members of YUSU must remember the students who voted them to power in the first place.

7

Saying what no-one else will...

Richard Byrne-Smith THE STATUS QUO:

Challenge it or die.

As the cheesy grins of High School Musical remind us, it is perhaps not always best to “stick to the status quo”. If we did, the film repeatedly informs us, Troy and Gabriella would never have got together, High School Musical would be void of any plot whatsoever, and – dare I even suggest it – every vaguely romantic film ever written would have no reason to exist. That, my friends, quite simply doesn’t bear thinking about, does it?

But the truth is that we just can’t get enough of this Latinate stateof-being. Our passive passion for the status quo is even – as Wikipedia neatly informs me – an in-built cognitive mechanism. Discovered, thrillingly, by an experiment into car insurance choice, humans’ status quo bias attempts to explain why most of us don’t like to ‘make a fuss’ after shoddy service; why many vote the same way their whole lives – regardless of policy; and why we all insist on ordering the same tried-andtested meals from restaurants every time we go back. To put it another way, it explains why we’re all so cowardly; we just love ‘things’ to stay as they are – even if those ‘things’ are, in fact, completely unacceptable.

Can you guess where this is going? Of course you can. If you have read the first six pages of Vision, you will have no doubt. Yes, with the NUS referendum coming to town, our fondness for the ‘way things are’ should not only be

pushed to its limits, but destroyed.

I’m not – I promise – proposing anarchy, or even a blind, anti-establishment revolt, but rather a re-rationalisation – a ‘declouding’ – of the entire debate.

Troy and Gabriella: They've got the right idea.

Already, the status quo fog looms ominously over the approaching referendum – we’re all used to the NUS now. What’s more, our familiarity with the current system leaves us in danger of accepting it unquestionably; quite frankly, a perilous state of affairs.

The only way to confront this issue is to strip away all prejudice we have inevitably accumulated with the NUS as a key player in the

IN CELEBRATION

comfortable status quo of our university life. Imagine the union has only just been created, and we have a choice – is it worth joining, or not?

Consult the arguments, sure – but we shouldn’t forget, in the end, to rely on our innate sense of rational reality.

But what do I care; I can’t stand the lot. The assumption by the NUS – and YUSU, for that matter – that they have any real importance in the lives of real students is, for me, completely and utterly misconstrued. However – and it’s a big one – we are talking about real university money, a significant proportion of which, (thanks to NUS extra) comes directly out of our pockets.

Our student politicians, drunk on the nectar of campus high-life, may think it’s worth it, and if they can prove it, fine; but they should be careful not to be taken in by the chummy NUS banter – pulling the wool over their impressionable, power-hungry eyes.

If we don't learn to challenge this pernicious – albeit smiley – state of affairs, we'll be stuck with what 'they' think is right forever. And do we really want it? – really?

Whatever we believe, we should remove our blinkers before making up our minds. Start with an open mind, and maybe we can end with an honest answer. Personally, I’m with Troy and Gabriella. If we don’t learn to challenge that darn status quo, we're all dead.

OF:

The Daily Mail

This unlucky publicat ion is the paper that everyone wi th some kind of heart loves to ha te; but it must be doing something right. With a circulation well ove r 2 million, the right-wing rag sells more papers than the Guardian , Independent

and Telegraph combin ed.

Even though the Ma il can't seem to go a day wi thout mentioning either the wo rds 'Maddie' or 'Diana' on its fro nt page, perhaps the vitriol ind uced by its mere existence is act ually quite

a good thing.

After all, at least peo ple are interested enough to express how much they despis e it. As far as I'm concer ned, tha t's the most important thing a new spaper can do – get people talkin g.

YORK VISION Tuesday, November 6 2007

Iain Withers Richard Byrne-Smith Scene Editor: Loulla-Mae Eleftheriou-Smith Deputy Editor: Andrew Latham

Mike Sims

Editors:

Managing Editor: Toby Scarisbrick Head of IT: Matt Kirman News Editors: Deputy News:

Anna Bevan Jasmine Phillips Daniel Hewitt Tom Sheldrick

Comment Editor: Deputy Comment: Cartoonist: Features Editor: Deputy Features:

Louise Hardy Zach Gauge John Sharp Sian Rowe Joe Burnham

Lifestyle Editor: Sarah Stretton Deputy Lifestyle: Hannah O'Shea Catherine Moore Style Editor: Deputy Style:

Katie Jackson Kate Reeves

Food and Drink: Lydia Mills Deputy F&D: Carina Topham Travel Editor: Deputy Travel:

Andy McGrath OPEN

Sports Editors:

Lauren Cockbill Alex Richman Emma Barrow Rob Romans

Deputy Sports:

Photo Editor:

Alex Papushoy

OPEN

Deputy Photo: Social Sec:

Andrew Latham

Web Editor: Facebook Editors:

James Watson Matt Kirman Iain Withers

Call us: 01904 433720 www.yorkvision.co.uk Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2007.

Printed by York & County Press.

8 COMMENT

YORK VISION

LETTERS

Tuesday November 6, 2007

Write to us: Vision Letters, Grimston House Email us: editor@vision.york.ac.uk

tion Chain Reac

lem itself. fix the prob forced n, As I am nowger on the Dear Visio n to spend lo e noticed hav clist, I I cy e, g s d u p ri b m ave taken As a ca students h the bits dened and d at sa th in a m re g out at my fato knockin rutting that confused th ge in York st d of wooden support the vourite bri ccessible to ly ab m a su pre ge, which remains in ocipedes. The of the brid at some ’ f o el o v ‘r n o se n tho placed link betwee are then re actors. convenient nd Goodricke tr n co y b a st co no explaVanbrugh been turned ere is still pedeh s T a h es eg coll this im rt of nation for natural flow into some so icane built e th to t ch men campus, Scalextric y-fours and ple around n eo -b p o f o tw f o out nt desig ting. Even an importa ind the Hesplastic sheeounts from eh b le p ci n pri lan, nor if one dism als still get n master p routes o ed gt p n li e, ik b s e u the cl lo cy u e ic e rid alter nativ pus indicated. caught in th nge fencra o around cam aps, therefore w lo -g ay d the bike to g It is perh someone n si u ca ing, ins and sh to unate that st week. in rt ck fo slam ba my bike la le er- sto ankles. iv n u e th Once again at Be seem s, s Th Kind regard sity Power ntinously co content to oney on an Andy squander m opgap solust ineffective than actually tion rather s paper, fire alarm ge 2 of this news As reported on pa singly regular on campus. The rea rtainly partly are becoming inc ty facilities are ce rsi ive un of gs lin ible actions fai ns po es irr n ow dents' no laughing is to blame, but stu e fir y, sa lp. As you certainly don't he matter.

Very 'Bad Ta ste'

Vision certainly understands why you have drawn a comparison between the Vanbrugh-Goodricke bridge and a Scalextric track, Andy. With worryingly thin bits of wood providing support it certainly feels as flimsy!

However, we recommend the James-Wentworth bridge as the best on campus. Itself a modern structural masterpiece, it provides great views of the lake in its most scenic spots, and offers a smooth ride for you cyclists.

Dear Vision,

doesn’t seem to think so and despit , e being a nonDerwenter, I believe the comment an d general to ne of the articl e to be quit e a sloppy introd uction for ne w students to life at York.

The facebook gr oup’s mem bers list quickly grew to ne arly 100 people and has dr awn an impressi ve 71 comm ents at the last co unt.

After tellin g us that Derwent is to be avoide d, there is no justificatio n whatsoever of why th e writer beli eves this, m aking it an unfunny sn ipe that adds nothing to the article.

posed. Not on ly is it extrem On Hallowee ritating for ely irn some hila residents bu rious joker thought it t had there been a fire in would be re ally fun to York it wou set off the fi ld have taken a min re alar m in imum of 20 Derwent college, C B minutes for the fire se lock. The fire rvice to reac service are now thre Mike Sims h it, thus the prankste atening to w r also endang ithdraw their ‘on-ca ered the lives of othe ll’ support fo r people as w r the University if in ell. cidents such This sort of as the one I have descri dangerous ac is becoming bed above co tivity se ntinue. riously dang There is up for students erous to a £4,000 fi and York re ne for any persons who not the sidents alike. deliberately ertainly set off a fire alar m at it is c in the interth n io in . At present your op r indeed ise as no one has owned up We share a publication, o mpare and critic , the membe Yours in irri h o c c d n su rs of C a to f and D Block , e o v lf tation, ati job ' itse s are lookin in re inform ad Taste g to pay at least £60 each est of 'B s. For a both mo ur Freshers Bible if the fine is e o g , e M rk oira Nichols oll o c Y r u to imo e on. ing guid ok! entertain is the place to lo 2 8 1 e Issu

ADAM THORN: GUARDIAN REPORTER OF THE YEAR NOMINEE

H

In this mon th's 'Bad Tas te' magazine in its 'Hel lo to Freshers' section it told its readers to "Just av oid Derwent the worst colle ge on ca mpus." Sh ould a student m agazine real ly be saying th is to Fresh ers?

A facebook group call ed “Derwente rs OUTRA GED with Bad T aste” certai nly

Don't fool w ith fire!

MUCKRAKER aving problems managing your finances? Struggling to make ends meet while living the student life? Calm down.

Because you can approach the NUS for help and advice on managing debt. And they should know, having managed to mislay £1.1m of your money this year. Putting that into perspective, it’s enough to pay for my FHM subscription many, many times over.

And the only thing worse than their piss poor attempts to keep themselves afloat is that their great plan to saves themselves, NUS EXTRA, is an unmitigated disaster that lost them a further twenty grand. To think students would be stupid enough to pay £10 for something that they used to get for free shows how thick they think we are.

So enough of the ranting. What the hell is the NUS and what exactly do they do all day?

Well, the NUS splashed o u t on a 32 page full colour b r o chure called t h e

Dear Vision,

“NUS Impact report” which answers this exact question. Except that it doesn’t. Of the 32 pages, 11 are full colour photos, there are 2 pages of introduction, 2 more with contact details and a further contents page. So that leaves just 16 pages of information to summarise a year and over £3m of student money, with the highlight being that they have: “consulted students’ unions through a series of strategic conversations”. And no, I don’t know what that means either.

But hypocrisy is taken to new levels as the NUS recently produced a guide advising sixth form colleges on how to manage their finances. It reads: “If there is one factor that is crucial to the success o r failure o f

FE students’ unions, it is the effectiveness of the union’s control over its own expenditure. Failure of a student union executive to set up systems of control is the single biggest reason for student unions to end up in debt".

You’d think they’d actually take their own advice. But none of this gets to the root cause of the problems.

How have they managed to fuck it up quite so spectacularly? Rumours of political division within the NUS are rife, with my contact telling me that the NUS is: “dominated by political hacks who often use it as a way to advance their career in the Labour party rather than using it to further students’ interests.” Of course this is just one man’s opinion, but others who I have spoken too who are close to the organisation hint at similar things.

Though perhaps the most scandalous aspect of this whole thing is how keen the NUS are to keep all of this under wraps. When I first phoned the NUS, I was put through to someone who told me that they are, “not too keen to talk to the press about this sort of thing”. Add to that the fact that getting hold of their financial information is a mission in itself and it shows an organisation on the rocks.

There is though, no doubt that students need a national voice to represent them. However, our current excuse for a union is a joke. If a top ten university such as York were to kick them out it would send out a powerful message that they should step aside to create a new union that was really in our best interest.

NTS: THE E D U T S E P P S YUPPIES U P M A C W NE ents of PPE stud

on that 85%2:1 confirms what The revelati out with a e whole deg ree is g in k are wal y knew: th while I’m sure ad re we all al sense. And pie spit on a load of n e some posh little yup I frankly , x ak fa m l lo ’l fi is that shove resso over h out his exp And yes lads, you can s… . as don’t care the city” up your your job “in

lew

is ha m smugilton: b ges t m ritain's an Am I can the on sma’t stand ly one mor r my lit the sig who ht tle et in h han ha git. He of this is ne ppy with to wseems w fo u s u n ch p d ce allow mod glad esty. Pe athetic lebrity f r he l ost t sonallyalse , he t itle…I’m

GOD BLESS DAVE A student revolution was launched a couple of weeks back as “Dave” launched on SKY and Freeview. Probably the greatest TV channel ever, it features back to back Top Gear, Have I Got News For You and Buzzcocks. Yet another excuse to avoid miserably boring lectures.

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday November 6, 2007

COLUMNS LOUISE HARDIE I

n the past couple of weeks I have had to come to terms with having a serious psychological condition – it’s not an easy thing to do at the same time as starting university. However I have started taking classes to help me work through my issues and things are starting to look up. Do you know what I’m talking about; It’s an affliction that I think many students must go through. It’s called ‘Library Anxiety.’

I know what you’re all thinking, I can see the smirks forming on your face as you begin the envisage hordes of jittery young first years creeping around shelves, sneezing on clouds of dust, and silently going mad at the sheer alphabetised order surrounding them. I know you’re thinking this because that was exactly my reaction the first time someone told me in a very serious tone about ‘Library Anxiety’ – the subject of a much respected paper written in 1986 by Constance Mellon.

Last week, such was my scepticism as to the validity of this theory, I set off to the library. My cap was set at a jaunty angle on my

head and I had more that a hint of a cocksure swing to my step. I swaggered through the automatic doors with my university card clutched firmly in my hand and… stopped short. This was like no library I had ever been in before. Where were the old men dozing quietly in squashy armchairs with a newspaper spread open on their lap?

I looked over to the checking-out desk for some comfort and another shock awaited. Instead of a gently smiling, blue rinsed old lady looking at me over the top of half-moon glasses, there was a row of imposing militaristic machines for ‘self checking out.’ My technologically inept mind started racing, I need a good 10 minutes of study before even attempting to work an unfamiliar machine. I could already see in my mind’s eye a queue of seriously irritated, muttering students forming behind me as sweat pours off my brow and I punched random buttons in a vain effort to scan my book. I nearly gave up on my library visit right there and then, but instead I squared my shoulders and set off upstairs in search of the English Literature section.

LIBRARY TERROR: ALEX Not actually a paradox...

Half an hour later I was still wandering around Electronics section, occasionally spying a beleaguered student in exactly my predicament, before I realised that just because both English and Electronics began with the letter ‘E’ did not necessarily mean they would be anywhere near each other in the library. Eventually as I wandered around various floors in a daze the title Torture, Orgies and Defilement: The Subtext In The Works Of Enid Blyton, caught my eye. A wave of relief washed over me as I realised that there was only one subject that could be that could produce a title that depraved and perverted – English Literature. In amongst the torture and orgies I suddenly felt at home. That was until I realised that the books were not alphabetised into authors, but were organised into what seemed to me to be completely random categories. I slumped down to the floor and just quivered for a while.

Somewhere amongst the many high stacked shelves I could hear the telltale sniffing of another student who’d been defeated by the library. I considered finding a librarian but couldn’t face the prospect of asking where I might find Sexual Perversion and Phallic Symbology throughout Scottish Literature, so I left empty handed,

staggered back to my college room and collapsed on my floor, where my neighbour found me still feverish some hours later.

Recently in order to work through my issues I have attended a library orientation class and I now am stable enough to ‘share’ at LAA (Library Anxiety Anonymous) meetings. In the coming days I am building up the confidence for another foray into the terrifying depths of the library. So if you happen to find a student curled up in a ball on the floor, shaking uncontrollably, in some rarely visited corner of the library; maybe offer me a helping hand up, a reassuring stroke of my hair and a strong, hot cup of tea.

PERKS OF SMOKING SMOKING: Out in the Cold

ANDY MCGRATH S

moking is bad for you, bla bla bla, we’ve all heard the same spiel before. I’m not going to lecture you – I’ll leave that job to the government. It’s been a tough time for fag-lovers (don’t take that as a double entendre) in the last few months. The Smoking Ban has forced “them” outside onto the pavements, into the pub gardens. However in my experience it still seems like smokers still get some perks in life.

It was Tuesday night, which the gods have decreed is a go to Toffs night. The queue was huge; so naturally we decided to get another drink in another bar. This is a bit of wonderful student logic for you. The queue is obviously going to seem twice as short after a few triple vodkas and cokes.

Anyway, we came back, a good bit merrier, and the queue is predictably just as long, if not longer.

However, three girls now approach us and it materialises that they have three smoker’s wristbands, £2 each. Three of us, three of them - perfect plan so we pay our £2 to the girls and don the wrist bands. Screw queuing for an hour, right? We head straight to

the doors and my friend bounds into the club, apparently exhibiting that light-headed, giddy, toxic joy that can only come after you’ve lit up. But the bouncer stops me, why? Is it because I don’t look like a smoker? Is that a good thing?

Ah, that’s where I’ve been going wrong – next time, I’ll put on a stained T-shirt, coat my lungs in tar, get some bags under my eyes and develop a ragged cough.

Anyway the bouncer twigged (stud e n t outsmarted b y bouncer, not for the first time) that it wasn’t my smoker’s wristband. He looked me up and down before telling me to beat it.

At this point I definitely had the higher moral ground, but embarrassed anger was bubbling inside me: the injustice of it all, why me, why couldn’t I go in, drink like a trooper and dance the night away?

So I did what any normal drunken student would have done; I tried to run inside and immediately lost my last remaining ves-

9

tiges of dignity and superiority as Mr. Beefcake yanked me back by my neck and deposited me in the road. Next came the clenched fists as, in my boozed up state, I debated whether to go on the attack.

Despite the fact that he was twice as tall, twice as wide, immeasurably more Northern than me and trained in dealing with minor irritations like me every night of his life. Anyway, while I was thinking this through in my head (must have been stood there for a good five minutes), the girlfriend, perhaps bored/concerned by my catatonic state comfortingly advised: “Forget it, let’s go for a drink.”

Ah, she knows her alcoholic boyfriend so well: beer will numb the

pain. ‘There’s a club I can get into without any fucking wristband,’ I thought. Still, even with a cold pint of the Amber Nectar swilling around inside me it couldn’t stop a previously unthought-of idea bubbling to the surface. Smoking pays – you get to go in and out of clubs as freely as you like. It is clearly possible to cheat the system by obtaining a Smoker’s wrist band; my friend did it. So therefore I can only reach one conclusion. I’m going to start smoking. So that next time I have a smoker’s wristband I’ll have the yellowed teeth and stained fingernails to match – Mr. Beefcake will just have to let me in.

[Andy, in 20 years time. On a Tuesday. Still trying to get into Toffs]

RICHMAN

I

’ve learnt that living in Tang Hall is dangerous. It’s a very violent area; in fact only the other day I was queuing in the Post Office and punched someone in the face.

A day doesn’t go by without some horror story spreading around campus about this terminus of student life, and on the long walks to and from lectures one has ample time to worry about what’s going to happen if one nips to the local shops after dark to buy one’s Custard Creams.

Perhaps I’m unsettled because I don’t have anything to defend myself with?

I’ve always found that it’s a lot easier to muster up some bravado if you’re carrying a knife. That’s why I think that Your:Books closing down is actually a brilliant opportunity for the university to give something back to the student populace – all they need to do is turn it into rifle shack.

Think about it. It’s not just those of us in the ghetto that will benefit.

Medieval re-enactment society will flounder once guns become readily available, just like the samurais in Japan. Cowboy-themed events put on by those insidious RAG do-gooders will become much more lively.

Imagine how little duck crap there’ll be on the way to Central Hall once we’re allowed free reign to shoot at the little brats!

Perhaps living so far from campus is making me bloodthirsty.

Away from the prying eyes of panjandrums and provosts it’s easy to lose touch with the common campus consciousness. What does Market Square really need? Maybe some commercial competition could drive down prices in Costcutter; personally, I’d like to see an Oxfam franchise wipe the smiles off the faces of those pesky Age Concern workers.

If politics lectures are anything to go by, then what York seems to be crying out for is an outlet that exclusively sells bespoke waistcoats.

I mean really, how do these people leave the house with their heads held high? Actually, that’s obvious – they have to avert their gazes from their own ridiculous torsos – but it doesn’t explain why people insist on wearing such bizarre costumes for such mundane activities. It’s only a matter of time before the bar staff at B. Henry’s start wearing Carmen Miranda-style fruit hats.

It’s staggering to see how well B. Henry’s is doing this year. Alcuinites going to their bar used to be like going to church; nobody ever really wanted to, but there was an unsworn duty to visit at least once a week.

Now when I go back, it’s more like seeing an ex-girlfriend. Your plain, boring ex-girlfriend, who you only stuck with out of charity and kindness. And suddenly she’s strolling around with a model on her arm.

Maybe I should start serving cocktails.

YORK VISION tiistai tiawanau 6 2007

RUBBISH

10

THE SKETCH

VISION EXCLUSIVE:

SHOCK OF THE CENTURY! YORK CAMPUS BUILDINGS NOMINATED FOR 'Great Britain’s Grand Designs Of The 20th Century' PRIZE 31 October 2007 University Chancellor The University of York Heslington YO10 5DD Dear Mr. G Dyke, and the university that It gives me great pleasure to inform you have been nominated the buildings on your Heslington campus The 20th Century prize. I for the Great Britain’s Grand Designs Of and the newer colleges might as well point out that Heslington Hall rd as they did not really such as James are not included in this awa surrounding the central exhibit concrete beauty that the buildings

lake have. was just how much conWhat particularly impressed the judges rporate into the design. crete the architect had managed to inco widely regarded to be Concrete, as I’m sure you’re aware, is materials and the judges among the most beautiful of all building spared to create an were impressed at how no expense had been ents. The avant-garde aesthetic learning environment for the stud grandeur to the campus pebble dashed designs inspire a sense of been picked out as one which is why these concrete edifices have past century. the of the top five best designed building of er 12th. This includes The awards evening is the night of Novemb don’t lose again, to Hull an all expenses paid trip, so your students tap. We hope to see you for the evening with canapés and wine on nomination. there and wish your every success with your

Yours Sincerely, Great Britain’s Grand Designs team

Room 308 in Derwent College, Block C, the judges decided is the room with the best view in the entire university. Look at the amount of concrete this one lucky peron has to look at. It's so much better than across the corridor in C Block, that person has to stare out at Heslington Hall.

Vision brings you another exclusive interview: Kevin McCloud is the presenter of the acclaimed Channel 4 programme Grand Designs.™ He was on the distinguished panel of reviewers who selected the 5 most aesthetically pleasing, best designed buildings from the last century. Here he has given an exclusive interview to the Vision Comments Editor on the reasons why the panel felt that York University College buildings deserved this nomination for ‘Great Britain’s Grand Designs of the 20th Century.’

Ed: So what originally drew the panel’s attention to our university’s beautiful concrete structures?

Kev: Well I think it was mainly the sheer originality of the design. There is not a single sleek curve on the entire campus which is a very difficult feat to manage and it really acts as a counterpoint to the smooth, stagnant water features that surround the buildings.

Ed: Aesthetically speaking what are your favourite features of the building design?

Kev: Well there’s two in particular that I’d like to mention. On the roofs of Vanburgh and Derwent college bars there are these amazing triangular prism structures sprouting out of the roof.

The amazing thing about these is that the serve absolutely no purpose at all. The architect, in my opinion a misunderstood genius, put them there merely to be a talking point of derision to the students and staff. My other favourite feature has to be the amazing box-like shape of every single building which gives them a suitably prison camp kind, this acts as an ironic gesture in opposition to the freeing of minds which takes place within the university.

IN RITY G. E V I UN NIN ORK DS EVE Y O T AR LUCK ING AW D MPE O O M C GO O THE HERKIN UPC ING THE R EG E NG NSID UDES TH N'T GOI O C THE Y IS NCL UGH THO HICH I RK REAL INNING W O W TION NDON, Y OBLEM R IN LO AVE A P TITLE. H TO ER ENB V O N FOR D E S OS S CR 12TH! R E FING

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 6, 2007

FEATURES

FEATURES

11

How do you circumcise a whale? P14 Send down four skin divers!

THIS IS NOT A SCARE STORY

In 2006 instances of violent crime fell by 29%.

So why all the panic?

Alan Smithee wonders why we've all gone crime crazy.

V

V

When Emily Walton, a Vanbrugh College second year, noticed a fight breaking out amongst a gang of 14 year old boys when walking down Walmgate, she didn’t suspect that the developing situation would follow her

CRIME SPECIAL

dent residents. It wasn’t dark, but with someone insisting on letting off fireworks, it was slightly noisy – perhaps the biggest ostensible blight of the moment. Groups of hooded youths seemed few and far between at dusk; morever, those that were around were happy to talk. Did they feel animosity

These 'hoodlums' seemed more content to tell jokes and have a laugh

V

Is York really in the grip of gangs who stop at nothing for a quick gain?

to work at a city centre restaurant.

“I was standing at the bar when I heard something crash against the window. It was the group. One of them was pushed up against the window. I told another waitress, who noticed that they were coming through the front door. They were about 14 and looked like your typical ‘chav’s’ Four of them – three boys and one girl were beating the other girl up”.

Emily managed to keep the situation under control, and while they weren’t overtly aggressive towards her, they did push her back in order to continue their assault.

While she was not directly involved in the incident, she was certainly shocked at the violence occurring on what she describes as one of the nicest roads in York. “I couldn’t believe it. The Blue Bicycle is one of the most expensive restaurants in town. You don’t expect anything like it to ever happen. I always get a taxi home from work now, even though it’s only a short walk. I wouldn't feel safe walking home with gangs like that around. There are more and more of them in York now”.

Are York's fair streets really in the grip of local gangs, who will stop at nothing for a quick gain? Or are we exaggerating rare isolated events to the point where we begin talking ourselves into a ridiculous, preventable frenzy?

And where better to start than the student's favourite horror haunt – Tang Hall. Venturing into the muchreferred-to suburb on Halloween – a night where any self-respecting youth would be foolish to pass up the opportunity to indulge in a spot of antisocial behaviour – it was time to see if the myths were true.

An aimless wander through the neighbourhood's pleasant autumnal streets did not reveal the picture of the ghetto painted by seasoned stu-

V

D

o not fear. This is not a scare piece.

However, following a summer of seemingly continual frontpage splashes on street crime and violence, it would be incredibly easy to board the bandwagon. Within weeks of lethal attacks in Manchester and Liverpool, Gordon Brown pledged several crackdowns on street violence and tougher laws to prevent the spread of crime. David Cameron blamed a ‘breakdown’ in British society and family values for the rise in violent crimes.

Even in York – a city arguably worlds apart from Liverpool – terriying stories of crime occupy more than their fair share of column inches. Nearly everyone, apparently, has a story about a student mugging.

While world-weary STYCs warn freshers of the 'perils' of Tang Hall, students talk of stabbings as if they were commonplace.

towards students? Not really. Did they think that students held them in particular disregard? No. The pockets of their matching Adidas tracksuits were void of trick or treat-ready flour and eggs, let alone knives and knuckle dusters. Apathetic to havoc, these hoodlums seemed more content to tell jokes and have a laugh than to cause any nuisance at all.

Even among older residents, mention of gangs is met with little more than raised eyebrows. “There are groups of lads, but they’re just bored, I wouldn’t call them gangs”, said one. “They cause mischief, nothing more than that”.

CONTINUES ON PAGE 12

Photo by Alex Papushoy

-vest: b a t s a n a h Better t otects YOU in Vision prost fierce York's m ents environm

CENTRE PAGES

12 FEATURES

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 6, 2007

Confessions ie b b a c a of Those nice men and women that drive you home after one too many sambuccas have had enough. Each week VISION brings you another of their student exposing confessions.

I’ve been a cabbie in York for a while now, and I’ll tell you, you get a right mixture jumping in the back. Most students are OK but every now and then a real pest will call me up. The girls are the biggest surprise! Bloody hell. Their giggly shrieking does my head in – never mind the rowdy lads. While York is nowhere near the worst city i've worked in, Wednesday gets pretty bad. Students seem to go mental. It’s as if every Wednesday is the last Wednesday ever.

Sometimes I wish that day didn’t exist! I’ve lost count of the number of times someone jumps out into to the middle of the road. It gives me a real scare. They aim right for my cab. As if that’s a good idea…

They always think it’s hilarious. One week there was vomit flung towards it, another week it was a group of Rubgy players dressed as gorilla-like schoolgirls. But I haven’t hit anyone.

Yet. One night I got a particularly bad one. This girl sung some ‘Arctic Mondays’ song all the way back. And that wasn’t the most terrifying thing. She belched like a bloke and worst of blummin’ all, almost made me crash my cab. You’ll never guess how… She was trying to put make up on me. Me! I’m not messing with any make up. ‘Orrible stuff. She spent ages rooting through her bag – I thought it was for a tip - and eventually found about 3 tubes of gunk. I was thinking that no amount of make up could help the poor girl and then wham, it’s all over me. I had to explain to my missus why I was covered in it. She wasn’t happy. My shirt quite never recovered.

It’s not all bad though. Despite their drunken rowdiness, I prefer student customers to OAP’S. You’re always going to get a good tale from a student.

I've lost count of how many stories I've heard about someone snogging someone else's boyfriend or an emotional report of some fight or other. And the couples of course... one bloke has a different girl with him every week, i'm sure of it. It always gives me a good chuckle when he gets in. I even gave him a cheeky wink last week. He was with a very pretty young lady. Far too good for him.

With the OAPs it’s all weather and what they’re having for their tea. The life of a Cabbie in York? Give me a good scandal any day.

Next Issue Fare Dodgers, Flashers and Flirty Philosophers.

NEIGHBOURHOODIES CONTINUED FROM PAGE 11

As a Fresher of James College found out in his second week of University – it can just as easily be an individual who is issuing the threats.

Matt Thomas was assaulted when walking home from Toffs on the 16th of October. Although Safer York Partnership strongly advises against this, walking alone when the streets are empty doesn’t seem to be a problem for most students.

“I left Toffs on my own at about 12.30. I was walking past the bus stop opposite BPM when a guy came up behind me and started shouting abuse”. Matt is quick to point out that the man in question was not, as many would put it, a ‘Chav’. His attacker was in fact, ‘very well dressed but obviously drunk’. Unfortunately, Matt was not just a witness of violent crime.

“He started pushing me around.

Then he punched me in the face and knocked me to the ground.

He kicked me in the head about 5 times.There was blood all over my face, and my lip was cut badly. I had a big bruise on my neck, and one by my temple. The 2 girls he was with were trying to pull him back but

it took a taxi full of middle aged women to pull me up and put me in their taxi”.

Nonetheless, Matt has decided not to let the unprovoked attack ruin his university experience. “I made sure I went on the Viking Raid two days later. I didn’t want to get

Save a snide comment or a snigger, they proved essentially harmless in a psychological spiral of being too worried to go out!”. However, Matt isn’t so keen on walking home alone anymore.

"I was pretty upset – shocked

more than anything.

I wasn’t expecting it. It was a totally unprovoked attack – I couldn’t believe it.

I was really surprised and disappointed. I thought York was one of the safest places in the country. I thought it was a quiet city. You’d expect it in the bigger cities like Manchester but not here.”

While Tang Hall locals were quite happy to talk to a group of bumbling students with a microphone and recorder, most were nonplussed on the issue of ‘who was worse’ – locals or students.

The face of trouble on the streets was groups of young York lads, but there was hostility to the encroachment of student houses into local residential streets. Perhaps social divisions run at the heart of the Tang Hall problem. One man with an alsatian blamed ‘outsiders’; when asked to elaborate, he blamed juvenile travellers coming into the neighbourhood, though was unkeen to go into any further details. The tendency to blame groups rather than individuals seemed to ram a social wedge into the otherwise cohesive community of Tang Hall.

However, when confronted with

the student perception of their neighbourhood, almost every local was amazed to hear that crime was considered a massive problem; those who did, spoke of a small number of youths as the culprits.

While most of the kids encountered were clad in the uniform tracksuits and baseball hats synonymous among students with the derisory term ‘chav’, nearly all were decidedly uninterested in causing mayhem. Save a snide comment or a snigger, they proved essentially harmless.

Heading off through Tang Hall, parents were calling across the street to their children, families were out in costumes, and kids were playing on bikes; the whole community was out for Halloween.

And then we were on Melrosegate.

If this is a ghetto it’s a very small one.

Perhaps we should stop worrying and start thanking. York's 'ghettos' would, in another town, be little more than leafy suburbs.

Isolated incidents aside, York is an extremely safe place to live – and we all know it, too.

YORK VISION

FLEET STREET'S

Tuesday November 6, 2007

BULLDOG INTERVIEW :

I

f you’re in the market for a bit of no-nonsense journalistic brawn, Jeff Randall is your man. When York chancellor Greg Dyke was head of the BBC he enticed Jeff to become the BBC’s Business Editor to boost BBC News’ firepower. Now Rupert Murdoch, ringleader to the world’s media and owner of Sky News, has tempted Jeff to Sky to host their new business news program, ‘Jeff Randall Live’.

He is the ‘hired muscle’ of Fleet Street. On camera outside McQs, through the sweaty mass of York’s Freshers' Fair goings-on, Jeff is filming for ITV, reporting on rising levels of student debt. With city banks vying for attention amongst the student societies, Jeff seems a little bemused at

The BBC is a wonderous place. It makes the politics of the Kremlin look simple. the increased attention that money and job matters are getting compared to when he was at university in Nottingham: “I sauntered through university, came out the other end and thought ‘hmm, what would I quite like to do?’ With £30,000 worth of debt you don’t have that luxury.”

He gives a frank analysis of what effect Britain’s culture of debt will have on universities: “I don’t think you have to come from a working class family to look at £30,000 worth of debt and be very frightened. But I imagine what it does do is make you focus on what this university is going to d e l ive r for you, wheth-

Financial Firebrand Jeff Randall talks Sky News, student debt and campus coffee with Iain Withers.

er you’ll get a career and whether you’ll pay it back.”

He reclines back in his chair in Langwith coffee bar and gives his machine coffee a distasteful prod. “I had a vision of York because I know Greg Dyke quite well. I sat next to him at a dinner about a year ago and he tried to persuade me to send my daughter here because she was in the process of applying to universities and I said that she really wanted to go to a campus university.

So as only Greg can, he gave me the full sales pitch, including the memorable line ‘We have more ducks than anywhere else’.”

A well-worn York classic, but you can forgive Jeff for that (though perhaps not Greg?) – Jeff is a very entertaining guy. He practically spits out Langwith machine coffee as we talk. He may have enjoyed Freshers Fair, but the “feeding facilities” on campus have riled him.

“Just open a coffee bar please! All machine coffee is always appalling but we’ve struggled to find somewhere acceptable. I was hoping to sit down and enjoy a coffee better than a machine coffee!”

Like our Chancellor, Jeff comes across with a gruff frankness that has helped make a name for himself in London. The suggestion that he and Greg Dyke are alike is met with a scoff – whilst he “got on with him personally very well”, Greg Dyke is a leading voice in the Liberal Democrats – Jeff is Editor-at-large of the conservative Daily Telegraph – and as such their views differ on m o s t things.

He readi l y

acknowledges however his tendency to be frank: “I’ve been in journalism a long time: I get paid to invite other people to speak their minds. There’s no point being hypocritical about this, I can’t expect interviewees to come to me and speak their mind without occasionally returning the favour.”

He doesn’t hold back when

David Cameron? I think it's fair to say on a personal level we wouldn't get on. describing the situation at his old employer, the BBC and the turmoil there over the deception scams that have wronged the Queen, the Prime Minister and kids watching Blue Peter. I ask whether the position of the BBC’s Director general Mark Thompson is safe?

“I think Mark Thompson’s job is difficult. Is it safe, who knows? The BBC is a wonderous place. It makes the politics of the Kremlin look plain and simple. The BBC doesn’t operate like any other media organisation in the world. Its not really a business, but its not really a state organisation either. It is a wonderful Byzantine web of interest groups.

There are plenty of big names at the BBC who feel that these cuts will fall precisely where they shouldn’t fall i.e. on news and documentaries instead of on this vast middle layer of marzipan management that seems to sit around collecting paper clips and pushing pencils instead of making programs.”

Things are all together very different at his new employer Sky: “It's very different to the BBC, it's leaner and meaner. It's very pacy as you can imagine as they are a 24hr news channel. They live and breathe current events.

You can feel that pace running through the building.”

Political tastes seem to

be changing in Murdoch’s media empire. The Murdoch owned Sun seems to be declaring its love for David Cameron’s conservatives this autumn. Is Gordon Brown on the verge of losing The Sun’s support?

“I don’t think you’ll see the Sun play its cards until much closer to the election. What you’re seeing at the Sun is pressure for a referendum on Europe – that’s the big issue that’s driving the Sun’s agenda against Gordon Brown.”

What does Jeff think of David Cameron? “On a personal level I think its reasonable to say that he and I we wouldn’t get on. Clearly he’s running into form. He reminds me of a golfer in matchplay golf.

If you’re playing someone in Matchplay golf and your opponent is off form and permanently whacking the ball into bushes and ponds and so on your performance improves hugely. You feed off their bad karma. I think David Cameron is feeding off Brown’s bad karma.

The more mishaps Brown has the better David Cameron’s looking.”

The Daily Telegraph has had its own fair share of turmoil. In its rush to adapt to the Internet media revolution, a lot of high profile journalists have lost their jobs at the title. How has the turmoil affected the paper? “I think you overstate the case when you say ‘turmoil’. If you were to come down to the Telegraph building now you would find an organisation firing on all cylinders and very confident of its position in a multimedia world. And those who remain there are on top of their game. When you have a period of change and people leave it is always reported as turmoil because what are known as the ‘DFEs’ – the disaffected former employees – normally feed stories to rival newspapers that its all going horribly wrong. If you look at our circulation figures, you will find that it is not going horribly wrong – the Telegraph’s figures are flat in a declining market.”

As the editor-at-large of a techsavvy newspaper, does that mean Jeff has facebook? “I am so overmedia-ed, that I’ve decided to either blank out or cull some of my inputs.

So no I don’t have facebook because it's yet another distraction on top of all the other things that I’ve got to read and worry about and fillet.”

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inside MAN #8 Dougsoc Vision is back for a new term and out to infiltrate more societies than ever before. After a disappointing night with Campus' Conservaties, we're bringing you a taste of one of the University's specialist societies. The 'what the hell is that all about' DougSoc. I was going to review the conservatives in this feature, except when I tagged along (terrified that I’d be exposed in a daze of red fear and Borris Johnsonparaphernalia) I discovered that they were a bloody boring lot.

This, with a distinct lack of of Stella and cigar smoke, seemed to be their informal night.

Rather than the loafer infested party night I had expected, I was treated to a screening of American Dad. This, I can only assume, is more Tory-friendly than Fox’s other cartoon favourites Family Guy . Not one to be disheartened by the lack of a wooly liberal witch-hunt, I quickly turned my attention to Dougsoc. Dougsoc is Campus’ Douglas Adams society - not just a quirky bunch of blokes named Doug. I found it to be a blend of surrealism and nerdish quirky in-jokes.

The feeling of parading around campus with about 30 giddy costumed critters, many with (expensive) lightsabers in hand might be too much to handle for some people, but the exhibitionist in me loved the fact that we could see people becoming increasingly nervous as we approached whatever bar they were sitting in.

The evening contained a war against good and evil, pictures of kittens and torture, a bluish-greenish (and extremely alcoholic) drink called an 'inter-galactic gargle blaster', and at least one occurrence of spoken Klingon. All exhibitionism aside, your enjoyment of the society will ultimately come down to personal taste.

I imagine that not everyone will fully appreciate the fandom culture and repeated references to Mario and Terry Pratchett, although I can sympathise with the latter. I’d recommend the society to anyone who has a sense of the absurd and doesn’t mind looking or acting silly.

Being - at least - a casual fan of Douglas Adams will aid you in decoding the one-liners.

In conclusion: Mostly harmless, but a perfectly respectable way to spend a Tuesday evening if you like your drink blue, thick, and spacey. JB

inside report inclusive/cliquey active/sedate

14 FEATURES

GANGBUSTERS! Tuesday November 6, 2007

> Find yourself in a spot of bother? Here's your very own cut out and keep guide to staying safe when challenged on the mean streets of York <

You're best going with C) there is a danger of combustion when the deodrant meets the man made fibres of their trackies.

Go with A) and show no mercy. Indie kids: avoid wearing brogues or plimsols just in case

you from will keep g n ti o N . eader d you, the r e the win t k a li th n u n R m ) A colu ough, the se in "Peterbor nd collap a s n io . s " s s e e writ our poss uish all y e floor.

B) Relinq king. eap on th h t n e ood whac n g ti a n o m c e in th on your e an m and giv rite daily e u o th v e fa s a 's h C) C Britain weight of With the ble. re unbeata a u o y e id s dle er has mid v e n ) C e s Choo o few. much to s

THIEVING! BRAWLS! HOODS! MIDDLE CLASSES RUN SCARED!

Disaster strikes! You have lost the brand new iPhone that Daddy bought you for doing well in a History assignment. When entering a Tang Hall phone box you are cornered by 2 hooded youths...

Do you...

A) NOT PANIC. Youths such as these have very short attention spans.

B) Call 118 118 and scream hysterically down the phone for the police or pest control officers C) Spray Impulse at them through the gap at the bottom of the booth?

Tunnel trouble! Off to meet friends or coworkers in town, your route is cut off by the rudeboys. Do you: A) pick on the little one B) find a new route C) click your fingers self righteously to get them out the way?

joying the You are en 's infor ma Daily Mail immig rant tive mix of d Marks baiting an er fashion and Spenc esky hoods when the p retur n.

Do you...

15

Worst Case Scenario #2

Worst Case Scenario #1

o i r a n e c S e s a C Worst #3

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YORK VISION

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 6, 2007

Worst Case Sce n

WANT TO FEND FOR YOURSELF? LEARN FROM THIS MAN --> ario #4

Later in Co-op. Yothe evening you h and are i u have run out o ead to the local other hoon a frightful moof Earl Grey tea you...to a ded youth appea d. Suddenly anWhat do game of Rock, P rs and challenge s you choo aper, Scis se? sors.

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A) ROCK

B) PAPER

C) SCISSO

RS

Should we all learn how to escape from a scrap? And will ‘anything goes’ Mixed Martial Arts prove even more dangerous than the toughest of hoodlums? After narrowly surviving the ‘Gangs’ of Tang Hall, Vision goes to self defence.

The first thing to know about Muay Thai and MMA at York University is that it is taught by Daniel Giblin, a Heavyweight Cage Fighter . This man is tough. He would have no problems confronting ANYONE on the streets, although he does confirm that the self defence aspect present in the sport is about releasing your self from a strong grip rather than giving an attacker a black eye.

If you did decide to fight back using MMA techniques, it would hurt. A lot. Kicking, punching, jabbing and spinning back fists are all part of the game while in competition points are awarded for domination of your opponent. Vision is having great difficulty with this particular element. Being 5ft 4” and incredibly unfit certainly doesn’t help. Yet as the class goes on, and the desire to cower in a corner from the 6ft giant in front of you fades, the advice of the instructors really begins to sink in. If you keep your balance and fend of any assault safely- top tip, don’t use your wrists or hands, take it on your hip - you have a good chance of getting away from any potentially dangerous situation.

Yet learning Muay Thai could be percieved as just a way to earn some severly sore legs in the morning.

The hood > PER as it ie will most likely can be SO choose P goin

Ag wit RTE comes to h C) SCISSORS: ifD. You're best him in th the worst, you can the worst e eye. Tha t'll lear n always prod him.

Students have varying opinions on self defence and it’s relevance to student life in York. While some see it as an incredible way to keep fit, others would like to know how to escape a dangerous situation- or at least throw a decent punch if needs be. One history second year was particularly vocal about a need to stand up for herself. “Last week there were chav’s throwing fireworks at people and I wished I could just whack them in the face and run away” she said of an incident in the Alcuin car parks.

After experiencing the classes it’s obvious that MMA is excellent for both reasons. Finishing a class is a fitness achievement, but as the instructors constantly remind you, many of the techniques can be applied just as easily on the streets as they can be in competition. Just think, one day you won’t be bobbing along safely in the York bubble. You could be cornered on the ubiquitous London Night Buses, on the New York subway or a McDonalds in Swindon. Knowing the basics might not be essential, but it is reassuring. Especially for a pathetic wimp with a chesty cough and- 2 Muay Thai classes later- a fantastically bruised foot.

SCENE 1 year old!

PLUS: Graham Swift interview / Vision loves One Night Only and more... YEAH!

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Graham Swift One Night Only TV

The Young Knives

SCENE

Film Reviews It's all about change these days. Whether you're a first year starting uni and being thrust out of your comfort zone for the first time, or a third year realizing you have to actually work for the fist time at uni, everything seems to be about adapting to your environment at the moment.

Oct 07 Issue 10

Scene Editor: Loulla-Mae Eleftheriou-Smith Music Editor: Camille Augarde Music Deputy: Michael Regan Film Editor: Laura Cooney Film Deputy Editor: Mark Comber & Andrew Nichols TV Editor: Scott Bryan Culture Editor: Anna Wormleighton Culture Deputy Editor: Post Open Books Editor: Naomi Lever & Rebecca Black Books Deputy Editor: Emilie Roohan Listings Editor: Maami Dekeyi

Emma Lake

On this, Scene's first birthday, we're always trying to improve and impress with our content. This time last year the spotlight held host to The Gossip a week before the NME put Beth Ditto on the cover. A year on the Mercury music award nominees The Young Knives grace the same pages, along side award winning novelist Graham Swift. But as the magazine is still growing we're taken on a new feature called 'Vision Loves' in order to showcase our favourite new poeple in the arts world. We've also had a serious shake-down with the re-design in order to adapt to our constantly changing world of the arts.

This issue nigh-on killed us but we're really proud of it, and hope that you're as excited about seeing it develop as we are. Without any loss of lives.

All at The Scene

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Camille Augarde interviews:

THE YOUNG KNIVES

Who are all these people? They are too stupid to be your real parents I’ve met some bone idols in my time but they really take the biscuit I tried to make talk to them nice I wanted them to like me, yeah But the time went by and the look in their eyes said it’s never going to do the trick She’s attracted to (x6) Your dad cornered me in the hallway while you were in the loo He gave me a right talking to He said I was a terrorist Reason I tried but reason she died We were fighting on the drive under the security lights And your mum was screaming She’s attracted to (x6) When you finally joined the party you took my side Then the whole street knew what was happening outside You were screaming at your mum and I was punching your dad (x12) In his face She’s attracted toWho are all these people? They are too stupid to be your real parents I’ve met some bone idols in my time but they really take the biscuit I tried to make talk to them nice I wanted them to like me, yeah But the time went by and the look in their eyes said it’s never going to do the trick She’s attracted to (x6) Your dad cornered me in the hallway while you were in the loo He gave me a right talking to He said I was a terrorist Reason I tried but reason she died We were fighting on the drive under the security lights And your mum was screaming She’s attracted to (x6) When you finally joined the party you took my side Then the whole street knew what was happening outside You were screaming at your mum S and I was punching your dad (x12) In his face She’s attracted toWho are all these people? They are too stupid to be your real parents I’ve met some bone idols in my time but they really take the biscuit I tried to make talk to them nice I wanted them to like me, yeah But the time went by and the look in their eyes said it’s never going to do the trick She’s attracted to (x6) Your dad cornered me in the hallway while you were in the loo He gave me a igned to the Messiah of new, cutting edge music - Transgressive Records; nominated for this year’s highly prestigious National Mercury Awards; full time starletts of the NME, The Young Knives are making sizable waves in today’s ever increasingly competitive music scene. You would expect this interview to be a colourful haze of smoke rings, soul-sucking skinnies and “check me, I’ve just been electrocuted!” hairdos; all beautifully sound tracked by the chinking of cocktail glasses and rare Ramones records. Perched in a smelly van, carefully positioned around left over Halloween “goody bags”; neatly packed lunches, and two brothers named Henry and “Tom but most people call me The House of Lords” (the third, no doubt equally absurd member is having a “nap”) both buttoned to the brim in tweed, I wonder what has become of rock and roll. “We’re not bothered by awards, we don’t pander to the charts, and we don’t really hang out with other bands” Henry, the older of the Dartnell brothers explains.

“We’re a tad weird. We don’t fit the mould of your typical guitar band, but that’s why people like us.”

I am curious to know what inspired two men who favour embroidered handkerchiefs and textured suits over benders and beer to enter the sordid sphere of music. In order to shed a little light, I delve deep into their musical past. I expect them to passionately illustrate an upbringing consisting of activities such as literally singing for their

Rachmaninov sprinkled supper, and neatly arranging “child musician of the year” awards on their mother’s marble mantelpiece. It becomes clear however, that their fates as musicians were not staring them in the face from an early age. “We both played the recorder and the piano but were pretty rubbish. I got kicked out of piano lessons because I hadn’t passed grade one by the fourth year of it, and my teacher said it was a waste of money” remembers Tom (I don’t think I feel close enough to him to refer to him as “The House of Lords” or “Lordy” quite yet) mournfully. Henry isn’t much cooler, unashamedly stating that “my grandma used to buy me Shakin’ Stevens records.” Up until this interview I felt strongly that a person’s first bought album is an accurate indication of their musical tastes in later life. However, Tom proves me horribly wrong with a heart-warming tale of how “we decided to buy a record single for each other one Christmas. I bought you Aerosmith’s ‘Love in an Elevator’, and you bought me Motley Crue’s ‘Dr. Feelgood’. “No!” interjects the other, “you bought ME that.” The pair squabble for a good few minutes whilst I sit in my pit of Halloween lollipops and picnic blankets, feeling incredibly awkward.

Once composed, Henry moves on, stating with a poker-straight face that the first album he bought for himself was “hip-hop and rapping in da house.” In between some van-shaking beat-boxing which really did spit all over Timberlake’s attempts, he divulges that “it has some

real classics on it such as The Fatboys’ ‘Wipeout’.” For all I know, this extraordinary performance could be a unique new edition to their shows, so I stifle my laughter, and ask if they had always wanted to be musicians. Surprisingly, Tom answers that “we used to participate in a lot of amateur dramatics. We wanted to be thespians, partly because the girls would prance around in leotards, but mostly because we like showing off. But then I got it into my head that I wanted to sing with Michael Jackson, so I became a musician” Aha. So once the future was laid out for them so clearly, what was the journey to getting signed and known like? “Soul-destroying, but we saw how much crap is out there and knew we were a million times better. We booked all our own gigs for about four years, and played all the toilets in Britain until someone noticed us. Then we toured supporting all these terrible bands like The Hoosiers.” This triggers another sibling squabble, with Tom insisting that The Hoosiers aren’t actually all that shocking. “They’ve had two hit singles!” “Yeah, two hit singles both with a man’s name in it. What’s going on there?! Weirdoes.”

Despite the initial struggle, the ball eventually started rolling at quite a pace for The Young Knives in 2005 with the release of their song “The Decision”, the success of which was aided by its ingenious League of Gentlemen-esque video. Since then, a colossal fan base, and a substantial amount of media attention have formed around

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name of our material for Johnny Borrell. Not that he’ll even notice.”

So with their contemporaries such as Razorlight and their fellow Mercury nominees clambering higher and higher up the charts each week as “indie” wiggles its way ever more deeply into the mainstream, do The Young Knives give sales and chart success the time of day? “There is a difference between having chart success and having a hit single. There’s a load of balls in the top ten, whereas the essence of a hit single is having something a bit different, something that will last. ‘Tainted Love’ by Soft Cell is a perfect example because it’s a bit strange. So no, we certainly don’t pander to the charts, but despite the fact that our music is a bit weird, we do like a good melody, we do like accessible sounds, and we hope our songs will last” Setting my mind at rest, he adds “just to confirm - our new album is not basic, and it’s not RnB!” So there we have it, The Young Knives are both gentlemen and geeks to the core. In a band purely for their own pleasure, they are refreshingly unaffected by their own hype, and by the three commandments of sex, drugs and rock n roll that so many other bands abide by. But don’t they ever feel tempted to slip off the wagon just for a night or two? “Actually, I did pull a swan-dive onstage the other day” Henry chortles. This is apparently a break-dance move, suggesting that first bought albums such as Henry’s ‘hip

I GOT KICKED OUT OF PIANO LESSONS BECAUSE I HADN'T GOT PAST GRADE ONE IN FOUR YEARS hop and rapping in da house’ might influence people’s musical future after all. Getting a bit carried away, he also reveals that he attempted a stage dive at their gig the night before. It’s a slippery slope from here boys…

the 2006 album “Voices of Animals and Men” at the highly esteemed National Mercury Awards this year. To be placed alongside the likes of Arctic Monkeys, Amy Winehouse, Klaxons and Dizzee Rascal, unquestionable top dogs of today’s music scene, this is an extraordinary achievement, surely? “What a load of old trot!” exclaims Henry. “We couldn’t care less about awards. We only went for the TV exposure, and even then we weren’t very good when we played.” The pair certainly seem far from the self-worshipping “rock stars” that I had envisioned, but surely they had slyly written a weep-worthy acceptance speech on a napkin? “No. We knew it wasn’t us because we’re not “modey” or “of the moment” enough.”

So in that respect, are they glad that Klaxons won? I half expected them to label them as “silly little boys in fluorescent leotards”, but instead Tom exclaims that “I did think Klaxons were a good winner because this massive nu-rave phenomenon, whether they intended for it to be or not, has been purely off the back of what they’ve done. It’s incredible. They’ve made a cultural statement, whereas there really aren’t that many people wearing tweed are there?” I shake my head and the pair look sorrowfully at one another.

Given this enthusiasm for Klaxons, and the fact that they have hand-picked the relatively unknown London troubadours, Pete and the Pirates, to support them on their current tour, I expect them to be brimming with positive thoughts on today’s music scene.

“It’s OK” mumbles Henry. “I really like the bands that have managed to remain somewhat underground like Rumble Strips, Mystery Jets and Jamie T.” I mention that Jack Penate has been dubbed as the new Jamie T. “How can anyone be the new Jamie T? Jamie T is new.

And Kate Nash is the new Lily Allen I suppose” he seethes. “That is totally manufactured pop music made to look “indie”. What you see in them is just monster record labels who have said “hey, let’s do a Jamie T! Let’s take elements of his underground image that made him successful, but let’s do it our way - the massive marketing way which will make them huge. It’s sinister.”

Well now I know precisely what their upcoming, second album is not going to sound like, I ask if they can divulge any inside information. “Yes, it’s brilliant! It’s got strings and everything!” squeals Tom. “We’ve not gone (whistles) crazy, and we’ve not gone up our own arses like a lot of bands do - we’ve tried to avoid it being horribly serious, although it is a bit darker and heavier. We’ve made it pretty bombastic, and we’ve somehow managed to make it a lot louder than our last record.” So will it be a continuation of their last album? Henry replies “the last record was weird. It was very flat and industrial sounding. We’ve gone for a fuller sound this time.”

“We listened to a lot of Black Sabbath whilst recording it!” chips in Tom.

THE LAST RECORD WAS WIERD. IT WAS FLAT AND INDUSTRIAL. From this as yet untitled album, the much anticipated next single will spring early next year, and is reportedly called ‘Up All Night”. Much controversy within the media has been aroused by this disclosure as ‘Up All Night’ is both a song, and the debut album of the band Razorlight. ‘Up All Night’? what a shit name for an album. We didn’t know they’d released anything called that, and when we found out it only spurred us to call ours that even more.

It’s the main lyric of our song, and we’re certainly not going to tip-toe about or change the

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LEEDS REFECTORY 24/10/07

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he fabulous KT Tunstall did not disappoint on her long awaited return to Leeds. However, much less can be said for organisation of the gig and for the disappearance of support act Willy Mason, the up and coming (don’t giggle) American singer songwriter. The date was rescheduled, and King Creosote, an artist with whom Tunstall has previously worked was called in at the last minute to open the show for a mysteriously absent Mason. He successfully stepped up to the plate, singing beautifully crafted bittersweet songs from an extensive back catalogue and new album 'Bombshell'.

Tunstall herself bounded on stage just after nine, launching in to a twenty song set comprised of material from new album 'Drastic Fantastic', plus old favourites from 'Eye to the Telescope' and a haul of rarities to keep the completists happy. Tunstall gave the audience a choice between ‘old picky picky’ guitar songs or ‘new picky picky’ during a solo section midway through her performance. It was these songs that most impressed

the sell-out audience; particularly a now-famous performance of 'Black Horse and the Cherry Tree', built up from scratch using a loop pedal, becoming infitately greater than the sum of its parts.

Tunstall's solo musical ability was complemented by an infectious humour and stage presence, bettered by an outstanding four piece band and pair of backing singers. Not a duff note was dropped over the course of the evening. Basses were swapped for cellos during a fabulous encore of 'Stoppin' The Love', whilst Kenny Anderson dexterously flipped between pianos, trumpet, drums, and in an inspired musical moment, a washboard necktie. It is perhaps testament to the group’s musical skill that Tunstall’s relationship with drummer Luke Bullen appeared evident only during 'Ashes', with a playful arse-slap disappointing many of the geeky male fans in the audience. Well, me at any rate.

ANDREW LATHAM

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o you remember the first gig you ever went to?

Back in the day when you had to be under 15 just to get in and you got cooler the baggier your trousers were? Spunge are one of the bands that hail from that pre-alcoholic era of my life and who first introduced me to the majestic dance move that is skanking. Overcome with nostalgic curiosity was I therefore when I discovered their current tour brought them to my very own Fibbers.

Support for the evening came in the form of the brilliant ‘Make It Better Later’ (robbed of the title at last year’s BoB). An amazing and original ska-punk act, full of pirate themed jolliness, and with a song dedicated to Eric Cartman, they had the crowd in the palms of their very talented hands. Second support Short Warning however sucked big time with dull inter-song chitchat and a set-list that merged bland songs with boring ones.

Luckily bland songs are something that Spunge just don’t understand the concept of. For those unaccustomed to ska music it’s like reggae/punk/rock all mixed together in one gloriously bouncy pot complete with hilarious lyrics and alternative hairstyles. Playing a good mix of old (‘Kicking Pigeons’), ancient (‘Ego’) and shiny new tracks (‘Girls, DSH’) from their soon-to-be-released

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would liken watching Kid Harpoon in the tent that is the Adelphi to viewing a production of Shakespeare’s 'Hamlet' from the prime position of the front row. Fear not however, as attending a prestigious event such as this is by no means something to keep hidden from your ultra-hip pals. You remember that truly breath-taking series on Channel 4 which scraped ragamuffins off the streets, swapped their scooters for long-swords, and trained them in the theatre for two months? Kid Harpoon is the polished result. Never before have I witnessed a scruffy musician perform so theatrically, or a pair of bandy legs lunge so magnificently. He is the ultimate Shakespearian scenester.

Armed with nothing but an acoustic guitar, which if absent would probably see his hand flung dramatically to his distressed brow, he swashbuckles his way through a colourful showcase of storytelling, jig-worthy songs.

New single “The Milkmaid” is particularly charming, his wide eyes and majestic vocals conveying the heart-wrenching tale of a girl whose dreams are set on stardom. Meanwhile, “Flowers by the Shore” and “Riverside” take his legs to the rave of the century, along with his gigantic following’s who mirror his moves whilst echoing every syllable of his poetry back at him.

Many argue that singer-songwriters are swamping our music scene, and that they should all either pop a few endorphins or be confined to a (preferably unknown) choir. However, armed with his touching lyrics, bold rhythms and utter uniqueness, Kid Harpoon kicks them to the curb and dances all over them. Move asideShakespeare, this is theatre for the kids of today.

CAMILLE AUGARDE

album, Spunge do what they do best and get everyone skanking along like loons. Border-line gross banter had everyone laughing along in-keeping with the true spirit of ska: having a laugh. A fun trip back to my 15year old self, although one definitely enhanced by the addition of Southern Comfort and lemonade…

RACHEL EYTON

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ery few concerts end with a trouserless man in lipstick, earrings, and high heels, singing that he’s the Gay Messiah. This is probably for the best; I, and I suspect, most people, have no wish to see the bare legs of most male musicians. Thankfully, Rufus Wainwright’s legs are just as good as his musical talent and song-writing ability: very good indeed.

Dressed in a brooch-adorned white-and-pink pinstripe suit, and in a very chatty mood (“I don’t know where we are, but it’s very pretty, and I like pretty things”), his set predominantly consisted of songs from his most recent album, Release the Stars, with one lucky fan joining him on stage for Between My Legs. He was backed by a seven-piece band, complete with horn section, who doubled up as his dancers during the encore.

He demonstrated his versatility throughout the two-anda-half hour long set, switching between his guitar and a grand piano, decorated with stars, to match the glitter ball overhead and the black-and-white American flag backdrop. After a fifteen minute interval – this was a

very civilised concert, no risk of having beer thrown down your back -- he returned wearing lederhosen, to sing a traditional Irish folk song – without a microphone.

The performance was not entirely faultless: it took him a good three goes to correctly play the ending of Cigarettes and Chocolate Milk, but no one in the audience cared as he laughed it off, insisting that he was “fine, really”. But the gig was far better than just “fine”.

NICOLA SARD

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the fixation of mass crowds in a Totalitarian state. They must follow the commandments of the ‘Neon Bible’, and they cheerfully do.

With the deep echo of drums in their second song, ‘Black Mirror’, comes a solemn resolution, and Win sets the laws of his state. Regine’s delicate voice in ‘In the Backseat’ is both beautiful and terrible. The swaying, melancholic rhythms of ‘Ocean of Noise’ make me want to swish around elaborate ballrooms in a silk dress. But the mournful song builds into a final Bowiesque climax

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rom the band’s opening song, Win Butler dictates his audience. He pleads: “Oh my little mockingbirds sing!” and the crowd is entranced. Not the most amazing opening song, but from then on the gig is a mass indoctrination. From Win’s command-

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on’t be put off by the decidedly heavy band name, accompanied by the definitely emo album title. If that was what we’re judging this album on we’d assume it was a screamo sobfest about boys with bad hair who can’t get the girls. What you’ll actually find if you give it a listen (which you should) is an incredible, innovative mix of indie, grunge and pop-rock from one of the most under-rated UK bands today. This second offering from the band sees a transition from their darker suicidal themed first album, with the boys branching out into newer, slightly more optimistic territory. Gone are the throat-wrenching vocals, in are melodious offerings of a band clearly at a creative high. First single ‘Burn Faster’ is a perfect example of a classic anthem with a ridiculously catchy chorus and poetic lyrics. Whilst others on the album can’t quite recapture this level of perfection they still display moments of genius, experimenting with prog-rock and featuring guitarist David Jones who seems to have got a new effects pedal for his birthday and couldn’t wait to try it out. Apparently “tired of singing songs about wanting to kill himself” lead singer Sam Forrest does appear to have cheered up slightly, with lyrics themed more towards bitter-sweet than just plain bitter. There are mellower moments such as acoustic closer ‘Under The Sun’ and even moments of distorted punk on track ‘So In Love’ which seems destined to appear soon on an edgy Kate Moss endorsed make-up advert. A fantastic album from a fantastic band, you’re going to love Love/Hate.

ing lyrics to Regine’s scarlet patent leather boots to the red screens, the concert has the intensity and emotion of a rally in Soviet Russia. It’s like a scene out of George Orwell’s ‘1984’. The black and white screens showing the wide-eyed, singing faces of the crowd can only be compared to

HOLLIE PRICE

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óisin Murphy continues in the same groove with her second solo album 'Overpowered'.

Opening with the title track and single, Murphy helplessly claims "when I think that I’m over you, I’m overpowered", a recurring theme throughout the song, underlined by an ominous yet catchy riff, and other sound effect to give the song a slightly menacing resonance. The equally catchy ‘You Know Me Better’ would be sure to have many students singing along with the chorus in the pop and cheese rooms of Gallery or Toffs, though the less memorable verse lets it down somewhat. After track two the album appears to merge together, a mass of generic dance and pop songs adorned with simple, polished electro beats, bass lines and repetitive lyrics. Though Murphy tries out different tempos, and sometimes even vocal styles, it takes several listens to distinguish between songs. Despite the numerous effects plastered onto her voice, Murphy does prove herself to be a good singer by going easier on the distortion on songs like ‘Tell Everybody’ where she adopts an almost jazz-like singing style. But apparently novel ideas are predictable (the apelike effects in ‘Primitive’ spring to mind) and as with a lot of dance music many of the songs rely on taglines to grab your attention, and these, though uninspiring, are guaranteed to stay in your head and reverberate there for many annoying hours afterwards.

LAURA SOOLEY

RACHEL EYTON

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and the crowd goes crazy with this newfound freedom.

With songs of love, death, devotion, a Smiths cover, Regine’s enraged, hypnotic dancing, a hurdy gurdy and a video of an American preacher, there is no escaping the boundless power of the band’s live performances. They turned a tacky Metroarena in Newcastle into an “Ocean of Noise”. The Cult of Arcade Fire cannot be overlooked: “No place to hide. You’re fighting as a soldier on their side”.

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Mike Regan

In Rainbows

Kylie Minogue '2 Hearts'

26/11/07

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o here it is, the most talked about album in decades, the album that is supposedly going to revolutionise the way we purchase music. Yet the question remains: is it any good? The answer is an emphatic ‘yes’, as it is the most instantly engaging and listenable Radiohead album in 10 years. In terms of the sound, ‘In Rainbows’ is somewhere in between ‘Kid A’ and ‘OK Computer’, mixing the sparse drum betas of the former with the soaring melodies of the latter. This is most evident on the album’s magnificent highlight ‘All I need’, in which a minimalist drum loop intro evolves into a clattering finale, complete with grand piano and Thom Yorke’s banshee like wail. It is in fact Yorke’s voice which characterises ‘In Rainbows’, most brilliantly on the closing track, ‘Videotape’. Here, Yorke’s voice has a hypnotic touch as he reflects on his life before entering heaven.

It is clear from the first few notes of the album that the listener is not going to be disappointed. You remain hooked from the claustrophobic opener ‘15 Step’ to the frenetic ‘Bodysnatchers’, which is the closest we will probably ever get to another Radiohead rock song. The first single from the album is a mess of distorted guitars held together by a menacing bassline, circa ‘The National Anthem’. It leaves the listener enthralled and begging for more of the same, yet in typical Radiohead fashion they go in the opposite direction, the guitars being more ‘Talk Show host’ than ‘My Iron Lung’.

‘In Rainbows’ probably doesn’t offer a huge amount to those outside of Radiohead’s traditional fanbase, yet to the already converted this is another Radiohead classic. Radiohead have once again proved themselves to be more audacious, more inventive and more downright brilliant than their contemporaries.

Kylie’s back and how glad we all should be about it. As a comeback single it’s hard to imagine ‘2 Hearts’ being any better. Kylie has resisted temptation to do a Nelly Furtado.

Instead, this cracking pop song is more reminiscent of Blondie, with Kylie backed by a full band who make the perfect backdrop to her sultry vocals.

Judging by this it won’t take long for Kylie to recover her crown as the modern queen of pop.

Sigur Ros 'Hjomalind'

Out Now

MIKE REGAN

✰✰✰✰✰ Sigur Ros are not a singles band; their soaring, glacial landscapes with lyrics sung partly in Icelandic and partly in a language of their own are hardly the preserve of commercial radio.

However, this track seems to indicate that Sigur Ros are moving into the mainstream, albeit rather tentatively.

Their usual trademarks are all still here, but ‘Hjomalind comes complete with a menacing guitar riff and a clattering finale in the Arcade Fire mould.

Capdown

'No Matter What'

Out Now

Capdown have announced that they are to split this year after one final U.K Tour. Judging by this pedestrian effort it is probably coming at the right time.

‘No Matter What’ is a decent song, infact it’s one that Hard-Fi would be proud of. However it simply doesn’t compare to the likes of ‘Ska Wars’ and ‘Bitches for Nike shoes’, which stand as some of ska’s finest moments.

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inally, after a month’s delay, Jack Peñate has got round to releasing his debut album. ‘Matinée’ comes a year after the release of his first single, and off the back of a hectic touring schedule. Peñate has also had the dubious honour of being mentioned in the infamous “LDN Is A Victim”, which taunted the west-London scene that spawned him, and the likes of Lily Allen and Kate Nash. In spite of this, ‘Matinée’ is a pretty good effort. Singles ‘Second, Minute Or Hour’, ‘Torn On The Platform’ and ‘Spit At Stars’ are all included, and, along with ‘Got My Favourite’ and ‘Made Of Codes’, make for an infectiously hummable album. But ‘Matinée’ has more to it than the catchy indie-pop tunes with which the Blackheath boy built his reputation. It has a surprisingly mellow side, with ‘Have I Been A Fool?’ and ‘Learning Lines’ showing that there is more to the middle-class hipster than meets the eye.

As it is with his old mates The Maccabees, soul is clearly as much of an influence on Peñate as the raucous catchiness inspired by Pete Doherty and Carl Barât so many years ago. ‘My Yvonne’, ‘When We Die’ and ‘We Will Be Here’ hit different notes and give the album an alternative mood in places, and it is better for it. The highlights are still the sing-along favourites, but the discovery of a second side to Jack will do no harm to his chances of sticking around for a while longer. London definitely isn’t a victim.

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TOM JACKSON

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cFly? Greatest hits? That can’t be right, can it? I’m not sure that today’s teenagers are ready to mourn the end of the guitar pop era.

McFly have only been around a few years so I’m a little sceptical about this whole greatest hits malarkey. One can only imagine that they are in a dire financial situation and haven’t got round to writing enough new songs to fit in an album. Still, greatest hits they are, and if that’s your sort of thing then it is by all means worth listening to. McFly have selected three brand new songs to mix in with their nine (how impressive) number one hits.

They are quite nicely interspersed: first and second album favourites with the newbies flicked in. A bouncy beginning with favourite from the early days ‘Five Colours in her Hair’ starts it off nicely before moving on to the more ballad-y tunes. Cover ‘Don’t Stop Me Now’ comes along nicely about midway, and the whole thing is rounded up by a calm and affectionate ‘The Way You Make Me Feel’. Plus, anthems of the day such as ‘All About You’ and ‘Baby’s Coming Back’ haven’t come one after the other, which always leads to a discarding of the rest of the album. That said, lovely as it is, it doesn’t prevent the fact that McFly are McFly and, well, all their songs sound the same. My knowledge of their back catalogue isn’t extensive, and I really couldn’t figure out which songs were the new ones. Though I suppose that means they haven’t got any worse…

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VERONIQUE WARD

Boy Kill Boy

'No Conversation'

Out Now

The first track to be lifted from Boy Kill Boy’s forthcoming second album, ‘Stars and the Sea’ arouses the same sort of shrug of indifference as most tracks on their debut album did.

Lacking the urgency and originality of their early singles, ‘No Conversation’ will please their current fan base, but is unlikely to convert those who were previously immune to these Essex boys' charms.

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AND CAMILLE AUGARD CAN TELL YOU EXACTLY WHY. IT'S BECAUSE: They’re also a bit fond of One Night Only: “Success has come quickly for us simply because we’ve got the songs. We’re a bigger sounding, British version of The Killers. We’re also kind of like The Cure, with a lot of synth-pop stuff, glorious breakdowns, amazing guitar parts, and epic vocal sing-along choruses” singer, George explains.

Watch your back, Bono…

Their first bought albums weren’t NOW: 38 or Hanson. Damn. : “My brother (drummer of current NME darlings, Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong) was listening to The Libertine’s “Up the Bracket” when I was about 12, so I bought that and listened to it everyday.

That album created a love for music within me, and really inspired us all to pick up our instruments, I think. After Oasis there was quite a big dwell; the closest thing to a decent guitar band were Travis.

The Libertines were the first big breakthrough British Indie band, so they marked an important moment in music.”

Pneumonia and bedroom confinement won’t stop them: “We dropped school and practiced everyday; that’s how we became so amazingly tight and together.

One time I hiked through a blizzard to get to band practice. I had my guitar on my back and I trekked three miles through farmers fields just to get to our rehearsal room which was a shabby old shed.

After that I got myself a little motorbike. I road through the hills in the snow, which got me grounded.

I was only about 13.”

They understand that you don’t have to glow/glare out of music magazines in order to make a musical impact: Forget being blinded into submission by Klaxons, or freaked into downloading songs by The Horrors, “image is not an important part of the band. We haven’t tried to adopt a cult image or suggest that our fans should dress in a certain way because for us, it’s all about the music.”

They’re not gonna throw a Pete Doherty and stand you up at a gig date: Despite touring with the daughter-gobbling, beer bottles on legs that are the Pigeon Detectives,

“we’ve found a happy medium in between reading and eating fruit on tour, and getting completely messed up. We try to take care of ourselves, but we also know how to have fun and put on a good show.”

They’re not gonna pull a Kaiser Chiefs and leave you twiddling your thumbs for two years whilst you wait for new material: “The Beatles did everything in a really short space of time because they wrote on the road. We do the same. We finished the album over the summer, but we’ve always got songs lurking behind the curtain as we write in between gigs.”

They’re one big happy song writing family: “We met at school and we’re best mates. We all work and write the songs together, it’s never like “there’s your part, now play it, boy!”

They’re not arrogant enough to ignore advice from their record label, Vertigo: We do take a lot of advice because the label that we’re on hasn’t failed yet. They’ve got superstars like The Killers, Razorlight and The Rapture… you want advice from people like that.

They’re determined not to be one hit wonders. Poor Chumbawamba… : I find with a lot of bands that I love their first single, and then after that they’ve just got nothing more to give. But our whole album’s sweet as a nut, there’s a lot more to tuck into other than our current single, “You and Me.” They love us: Vision: we love you, and we love you more. We love York in general. We chose to have our single launch in York because it’s our home town, and this is where everything started. We need to stick to our roots and show our original fans back here that we really appreciate their support. Fibbers is one of our favourite venues, you can’t go wrong here, the atmosphere’s amazing.” And their thoughts on the fact that it’s Vision’s arts sections birthday? “Good vibes.” How much do these kids charge for

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Director: Matthew Vaughn

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he fantasy film returns this autumn in the form of Stardust, Matthew Vaughn’s latest project since Layer Cake. Despite being less guns and drugs and more good ol’ family fun, I was confident it would be good, and I was not let down. The cast has more stars than you can shake a stick at, including Michelle Pfeiffer as the evil witch Lamia and Robert de Niro as the fantastic Captain Shakespeare.

The film is based on a novel by Neil Gaiman, who (until now) was a relatively unknown sci-fi and fantasy writer from England. The main plot involves Tristan; a young man who travels into the magical realm of Stormhold in order to retrieve a fallen star and prove his love for Victoria, the woman he believes is his true love (although he only promises this after his failed attempt to woo her by inviting her to the park and getting her drunk). However, upon arrival the star turns out to be a woman, and together they traverse across large landscapes Lord of the Rings style in order to get back to England.

The acting is incredible and one of the winning points of the film, with Claire Danes (of Romeo + Juliet fame) literally shining in all of her scenes. Robert de Niro plays a

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ichael Moore is a polarising figure. To the left he is a hero, a modern day pamphleteer; to the right he is a biased propagandist. As I entered the cinema I was greeted with the sight and smell of ‘lefties’ and socialists, a mass of dreadlocks and Che Guevara t-shirts. The audience who made Fahrenheit 911, perhaps Moore’s worst film to date, so popular were staying faithful to the cause.

In comparison to his previous film Sicko is more focused and Moore allows the subject matter to do the talking. The film begins by telling us fifty million of America’s poorest cannot afford basic health care, but Moore chooses not to tackle this issue as these people could be presented as undeserving of medical care by a right-wing media. Instead he quite sensibly targets the middle class with fully paid -up health insurance policies. Through a series of heartbreaking case studies Moore shows us that even these people are let down by a system that is desperate for profit and denies treatment on the most trivial technicalities. We see a thrifty middle-class couple in their fifties who have paid their policy every month but then have the indecency of getting ill - the husband has a heart attack, the wife, cancer. Their treatment is denied and we see their humiliation as they sell their home and move into a spare room in their daughter’s house which makes Goodricke C Block seem palatial.

Moore’s prank of taking a boat full of

sick people to Guantanamo Bay, where the detainees receive free health care is for me an example of the key to his appeal and what allows him to rise above the sea of hard-hitting documentary makers: the juxtaposition of biting ironic humour and outrageous stunts with the heart-rending emotion of the individual tragedies.

Moore leaves himself open to criticism with the clear bias of his arguments; he visits France, Canada and the UK as examples of a utopia of free health care. He neglects to mention our waiting lists, MRSA or the fact we too deny treatment if life-saving drugs are too pricey. However even considering all this it is hard not to leave the cinema with a sense of pride, past the dreadlocked man with a tear running down his cheek. But I couldn’t help worrying that our health service may be going the same way as the US. The NHS is already under threat and our free care is been slowly chipped away. This is why I feel slightly disappointed that this deeply significant film will be disregarded as irrelevant to a British audience. But in the meantime I am safe in the knowledge I don’t have to worry about looking both ways when I cross the street.

ANDREW NICHOLS

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character he probably never thought he would play, but pulls it off brilliantly and had the audience laughing out loud. Charlie Cox, the unheard of male lead in the film, manages to pull off his role with finesse, although his character didn’t seem to show much in terms of surprise or fear, and overdid the sentimentality a bit at times. Comic relief comes from the assortment of ghosts that accompany their brother Septimus, a Prince out to get the fallen star in order to become King. All the dead brothers are recognisable British comedians, including David Walliams (Little Britain) and Adam Buxton (The Adam and Joe Show). They add a nice light hearted slant on some of the darker scenes, and there was certainly not enough of them throughout the film. The film looks great as the CGI is not overdone and the personal level on which you get to know the characters really does draw you into the story, although you can see some of the twists coming from a mile off. While it may not be suited for our age demographic specifically I think it truly is a film for all ages, and no one should be missing the opportunity to see the Taxi Driver dancing around in a frock and makeup.

TOM SHINGLER

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teven Seagal is not really a sex icon in the same league as say, Christian Bale, Tom Cruise or Will Ferrell. But in the early nineties, those heady days when the Berlin Wall had fallen, America’s enemies had disappeared and the world was a safer place, Segal stood on the verge of stepping into the cinematic a-list. Or probably running through an explosion, with an injured puppy under one arm and a beautiful woman swooning over his shoulder, into the cinematic a-list. But how to link a stern jawed and chiseled man with this complex geo-political situation? The producers of Under Siege need only have looked to Seagal’s chin for inspiration. Seagal...

Stern...Seagal...Stern...Sea.. a ship! Of course! Seagal thus plays a demoted marine on spud-peeling duty aboard a battleship armed with nuclear missiles, which becomes the target for a gang of arc-welder wielding terrorists intent on destabilising the new world order. Obviously it can’t be the Russkies stealing the nukes, so instead they are to be offloaded to a renegade Stalinist submarine which will sell the rockets on the black market. The BBC now uses the same premise in Spooks for fear of offending anyone. Of course, Seagal stages a one-man fightback against the modern day pirates, in a Die-Hard meets Das Boot piece of high-concept cinema.

It seems easy to write this film off as a prime piece of b-movie, BBC1 after Question Time on a Thursday night fare. But it would be wrong to do this. The casting is fantastic, eclectic but well placed. Gary Busey is camper than Christmas as the slightly unhinged villain, accompanied by the wildly over the top Tommy Lee Jones.

As a dynamic duo, they are a treat, their performances add a deliberately lighter tone, to what could otherwise be an overly serious offering. Seagal is at the very zenith of his acting prowess. There’s also a stripper in a cake, and the bloke from Deep Space Nine with the curly hair. The ship itself is also a star, most of the scenes set aboard the Missouri were filmed aboard the hulk of the USS Alabama, giving an element of realism in an otherwise fantastical piece of action-mayhem. Under Siege is extremely enjoyable, and even if the outcome is a foregone conclusion, the highoctane game of hide and seek is pure edge of your seat film genius.

NICK HUDSON AND ANDREW LATHAM

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Another year, another wave of fantasy epics challenging the crown of The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter.

LAURA COONEY asks: Are the days of the genre numbered?

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hristmas seems to start earlier every year: adverts encouraging you to get your shopping done weeks before Halloween, magazines littered with extortionately priced party outfits you’ll wear once, and a wave of publicity for the latest wannabe fantasy franchise that’s had a lone teaser poster up in Cityscreen for the best part of a year. Same old, same old, or so it would seem.

The fantasy blockbuster is by no means new – it’s been around arguably since Ben Kenobi told Luke Skywalker, “May the force be with you”, a quote butchered by generations. But in the last few years, it seems to have exploded. Even if you only adhere to the strictest rules of fantasy (i.e., no superheroes – they may have had their day, as Spider-Man 3 and Ghost Rider implied this summer), new adaptations seem to be emerging constantly, hoping to spark a new money-spinner for Warner Brothers/Universal/insert studio here.

The ultimate fantasy (pardon the pun) is the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Shot back-toback and released every festive season over the course of three years, it grossed nearly three billion dollars worldwide and won a truckload of awards, including – eventually – the Best Picture Oscar for the final instalment, The Return of the King. Obviously, this had old school Academyites choking on their voting slips. Elves, four foot tall people in need of some serious foot waxing, wizards, giant spiders and a creepy yet oddly sympathetic creature lusting after a ring do not an Oscar-winner make. But, at the same time, it was oddly refreshing. How often have such films been shunted into a situation where the best they can hope for is a meagre technical award? Too often, is the short answer. And after that brief, shining moment, when you could a) make money and b) be recognised as a credible film-maker, the fantasy slipped off the awards radar again.

That said, whether the establishment likes it or not, adapting a fantasy novel – is considered a major cash cow for a studio. Despite mixed reviews, the Harry Potter films have earned nearly four and a half billion dollars at the worldwide box office to date, massively outgrossing the likes of Star Wars and James Bond. And that’s

before the numerous merchandise cash-ins. You can almost see LA executives rubbing their hands together with glee at all the cash generated by DVDs, Lego models, video games, clothes, bedspreads and even – wait for it – Harry Potter cigarette lighters. I kid you not. Wizards, it seems, are the new black (and eBay, as ever, is proof that people will buy literally anything).

This year, it’s Phillip Pullman’s turn to have his work adapted for the big screen.

Yet again, it carries some form of religious undertones; yet again, it’s shot in New Zealand; yet again, it involves Christopher Lee and Ian McKellen (the latter as a bear’s voice). The Golden Compass – also known as Northern Lights – is the first half of the His Dark Materials trilogy, and tells the story of Lyra Belacqua and her quest to rescue her friend Roger. Featuring the usual starry cast, including Nicole Kidman, Eva Green and a dubiously bearded Daniel Craig, it’s a no-brainer that it will pay off in spades, leaving us with a new franchise on the market and opening the door for the possibility of yet more adaptations – good or bad.

For a recognised name cannot always be guaranteed a ticket to success. Despite being widely acclaimed by critics and having Jim Carrey in a lead role, the film adaptation of the A Series of Unfortunate Events books failed to make back its budget. Maybe, with its Tim Burton-esque sets, it was a little too Gothic in tone; maybe the conflict of genre and Carrey’s ‘unique’ style of humour didn’t sit well with the intended audience; maybe it was marketed badly; maybe, just maybe, it wasn’t all that good. But suffice to say, a quality fantasy franchise isn’t always a guaranteed money-maker. You can build (or, in this case, film) it, but they won’t necessarily come.

But something remains to be said for the adaptation of fantasy novels for the big screen. Yes, it’s difficult getting a doorstop of a book condensed into three hours, but it can introduce you to writers you’ve never heard of before – let’s be honest, Neil Gaiman was a relative unknown outside of fantasy circles pre-Stardust – and continue to push cinematic developments.

The days of the fantasy epic could be numbered, but for now, the good stuff far outweighs the bad.

Halloween has been and gone, but it's still not safe to come out from behind the sofa, screams Annabel Sheen...

10. ‘Misery’ - Owes its brilliance to its lack of ghosts, zombies and chainsaws, replacing these with an intense claustrophobic feeling of entrapment.

The normality of poor Paul Sheldon’s situation heightens the overwhelming feelings of despair, frustration and, of course, fear 9. ‘It’ - Clowns. Enough said.

8. ‘The Hole’ - Not as many ‘chair-jumpers’ as your average teenage horror, but the strong sense of their situation being undeniably possible haunts the viewer throughout, as a similar claustrophobic atmosphere inside their ‘hole’ intensifies and grows towards the climax.

7. ‘Carrie’ - ‘Mean Girls’ meets ‘The Texas Chainsaw Massacre’.

6. ‘Candyman’ - Not quite as sweet as you might first think 5. ‘Halloween’ - Michael Myers leads as the original masked psychopath. Just make sure you do watch the original.

4. ‘Psycho’ - Marion Crane unfortunately chooses the wrong desolate and sinister motel, run by an overly friendly recluse. Norman Bates unarguably makes this movie what it is, showing us the danger of a lifetime’s domination by his mother.

3. ‘Scream’ - “Can you handle that, Blondie?!?”

2. ‘The Ring’ - Images from the video are guaranteed to eerily appear in every aspect of your life for a good few months after watching this 1. ‘The Shining’ - All work and no play make Jack the scariest thing you will ever see in your life.

And even if psychotic axe-murdering dads don’t appeal you should definitely watch this anyway for its genius direction, the cinematography and Jack Nicholson at his best

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teleVISION So it's goodbye from me...

BBC ONE's Friday Nights are dire, so why is The Armstrong and Miller show so good?

Because it's original, it's funny and it doesn't have Dawn French in it, says Scott Bryan.

L

et us eavesdrop into a BBC TV executives meeting. 'We need something to liven up Friday nights’ pipes up an executive. ‘Rating are plummeting’ shouts another. 'We need new exciting programming to bring Friday nights back to its heydays' says the first bigwig. 'Lets boggle our brains and think of new ideas'. So with this in mind concepts are drawn out with different ideas examined in term. So, how about another quiz show? ‘No, we already have one every other day of the week’ the executive replies. How about reality? ‘Saturday nights already occupy the schedule. You know...

Strictly Come Dancing, X Factor, Ice Fever, Strictly Dance Fever, Hells Kitchen, World’s Greatest Elvis, Dancing on Ice, Soapstar Superstar .... we don’t want to saturate the market in anyway do we?' So how about comedy?

‘Of course! This is where we excel at.’

You may be thinking what a great opportunity to relive the BBC Friday night scehdules. No more After Your Gone, no more My Family Original Comedy. Original writers. It'll be fantastic. Whenever a new show premiers on BBC ONE it will nearly always be terrible on Friday nights. Why? Simply due to the fact that the channel lacks originality. Instead of actual half decent original ideas, time is wasted with half arsed sitcoms, tired chatshow formats and programmes which have passed their sell-by dates. So imagine my glee when The Armstrong and Miller Show (BBC ONE, Friday nights) a premiered on BBC ONE recently. Here it was, a sketch show, on BBC ONE on Friday nights, which was original, exciting, fresh, new, and blimey, actually quite funny. Just how on earth could this be on the BBC? Could Friday nights now actually start to become something I daresay... good?

This new show, reuniting comedians Alexander Armstrong and Ben Miller, was a bit of a hit and miss affair in some places, but some gags of the show are simply comedy genius. One sketch included an embarrassingly truthful father answering his ten year-old son question of why they got divorced. ‘Well the thing is Paul... it was all your fault. You see mum and I were perfectly happy until you were born. Then your mother had to give her job to look after you, the relentless daily grind of looking after you, no chink of light, then your mum lost her figure and I lost my libido. You were the reason you broke up the relationship'. This as well as mickey takes of RAF soliders, programmes such as Who Do You Think You Are? and incredibly snooty BBC costume dramas were just screaming originality. Unlike sketch shows or sitcoms produced by a team of writers and third rate actors and television personalities (perfected by the direness of the BBC comedy When the Whistle Blows in Ricky Gervais' Extras), here was original comedy acting with fine line jokes and incredible timing. It was the most quirky comedy show that the BBC has introduced in years.

The obvious trap of hiring in celebrities in contract and then desperately trying for them to fill schedule time is a habit which the BBC has got inself into countless times in the past. This has meant that they are ruining commitment to new shows by developing half arsed efforts just to have the certain personality included. Jonathon Ross' £18 million contract has only led to a late night chatshow, which after six years and thirteen series has just become samey and tired. Other Friday night 'comedy' offerings such as The Green Green Grass and My Family deserved the right for it to be strangled, but yet they keep bringing repeats and new series due to certain stars who they think the public wants to see. Dawn French is the worst in a bad bunch. Although I have no issues with the woman herself (I guess she is a witty, enlightening personality if I ever did meet her) she has left a path of destruction with every programme she has made since the Vicar of Dibley. Sitcom offerings have been Wild West (a Cornish sitcom where the jokes, plots and characters are as almost as dire as the accents), French and Saunders and last year's Jam and Jerusalem. The ratings have been rubbish and the critics have been

Alas we witness two casualties of TV this week, firstly in the multichannel world. ABC1 decided to close its doors earlier this month as it did not get given the evening prime time schedule availability it wanted from the people at Freeview. Its a shame... where else can we put off the work required for immediate marking when we have Tim Allen on Home Improvement, 8 Simple Rules and god in physical form... Scrubs?

...and goodbye from him

critical but yet they have all had their series renewed time and time again.

OK I admit that Armstrong and Miller are probably hired by BBC productions rather than being fresh new talent, but the energy and strength in the originality of their work is just what is needed and what rivals Channel Four has only just started to catch up on. The BBC has to catch on to the idea that there are so many new writers, comedians and actors out there which are so desperate to be known, but are constantly blocked by companies like the beeb for all of the wrong reasons.

Sadly it seems that Armstrong and Miller were an exception for now. An all new comedy series will be premiering on BBC ONE next month on Friday Nights called High Table. And the main actress and leading lady... Dawn French. Oh well. I hope I wasn't getting all excited about nothing.

Secondly, we say goodbye to TV Links, the online site which allowed users to watch American and British TV shows on the PC screens for free. Gloucestershire police arrested a 26 year old man who was affiliated with the site, due to its infringement on copyright laws. Just trying to think how on earth we are going to fill up the fast broadband speeds on campus will become a recurrent problem this term.

Good news though for 40D fans. The channel FX has signed up rights to Channel 4’s download service, enabling new US shows to be watched on your PC. At first the new offerings seem a little bit slim (So far the offerings are turgid programmes such as Kenny vs Spenny), but talks are in progress for genuine US shows in the spring. Expect half decent imports such as 24, The Wire and Family Guysoon. Also, check out the beta version of the BBC iPlayer, which allows you to watch a large variety of BBC programmes on your PC up to seven days after they are broadcast.

I see my ex girlfriends. Well, not so much “see” as “watch”...

Spaced, the hit comedy Channel 4 show which launched the careers of Simon Pegg is being remade for USA viewers. Written by the one of the same writers as Will & Grace, the main concept and style of the show will remain the same. The participation that Simon Pegg will have with this show is not yet clear, but hopefully it would not be a trashy half-decent remake, but instead hit the cult status of the original which made it a thrill to watch.

WHAT YOU MAY HAVE MISSED THIS WEEK...

Toadie is in shame over his drink driving charge in court, but feels worse when his brother Stonie comes to stay whose marriage has failed. However Stonie’s problem sinks deeper. Elle tries to find Oliver’s father. Dr Karl finds out that his company is selling defective drugs and tries to expose this. And in love news, Janae and Ned move in with each other while Paul declares his love for Rebecc STILL TO COME...

We can exclusively reveal that Carmella be up the duff but for the meantime Fraser is just cotemplating it. Oliver tells Elle some bad news threatening their relationship. Fraser realises its time to let go of Ringo at the same time as Rebecca tries to save her sons. Dr Karl gets found out and puts himself into jeopardy. Richard turns out to be a physcopath. In in lighter news, Lou is mortified when his hats are covered with lice.

Meanhile, BBC Three has commissioned their own 'original' comedy. Being Human follows the concept of a werewolf, a vampire and a ghost sharing a flat, attempting together to live normal human lives. Apparently it’s an‘warm, funny and inspirational for the channel’. As long it has a better writeup than previous BBC Three programmes such as F*** off I'm Ginger and My Dog is Fat As Me, then Channel Hopper might be interested.

Makes a change from Two Pints of Lager and A Packet of Crisps, broadcast thirty three times a week on Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fri......

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Graham Swift: the complete works...

OLIVER SPENCER talks to award winning novelist and former York student, Graham Swift...

W

hile some writers inject their stories with frenetic pace, others prefer to keep their readers hanging. Few go as far as Graham Swift in this respect, and Tomorrow, the latest novel from one of the luminaries of contemporary literary fiction is a perfect example of this slow, meticulous method at work.

It was publicising the aforementioned novel that brought Swift back to York last week, to return to the university where he had studied as a postgraduate in the early seventies. It may be the furtive desire of many students here to inform their respective departments of their intention to leave via postcard from a sun drenched Mediterranean island, however this was the very way in which Graham Swift chose to end his York career – a fact that obviously delighted the member of the English faculty giving his introduction with no hint of acrimony about the split.

However, time spent at York was not completely wasted, despite his failure to leave with a PhD. In his own words, studying at York served really as an “appren-

ences that seem to frustrate Swift when made. For him, he is his own writer, with his own distinct voice, and he prefers to think that the more influential writers to ones’ own development are not those who help mould your style, but those that make you want to write. In his case, reading the Russian short story writer Isaac Babel in his teens solidified his growing ambition to become a writer despite having a manner dissimilar to his own. For him, the seed of wanting to be a writer had been sown well

THE MOST INFLUENTIAL WRITERS ARE THOSE THAT MAKE YOU WANT TO WRITE ticeship to writing”, and indeed one can certainly see the impact that his research into 19th century gothic novels, particularly Dickens, had on his early work.

Yet, it is precisely these allusions to potential influ-

before stylistic concerns became important.

Yet while he may emphasise the distinctiveness and individuality of his narrative technique, Swift states that recurrent themes found in his books are common human experiences, and that this should be “unsurprising given the function of a novelist to best portray aspects of the human condition”. The first he mentions is the “exploration of cross-generational relationships”, something that Tomorrow deals with extensively through the thoughts and feeling of its protagonist, Paula, as she lays awake in bed one night.

The association between past and present is another crucial dimension to Swift’s prose, and Tomorrow retains the time-shift away from the immediacy of events that was the hallmark of some of his earlier books. It is this approach in dealing with the past as something multi-

held and its consequences, and of showing the various continuities and changes wrought by the passage of time.

What is most interesting about Graham Swift is his reluctance to concede that his style has developed in a way anything other than organically.

He rallies against those in the world of literary criticism who suggest that the exercise of writing is more concerned with borrowing elements from favoured writers and incorporating them in different contexts.

Instead, he asserts that narrative writing should be a journey, often starting with a simple idea that gradually evolves into a larger more complex story.

Waterland is his favourite example of this, since the idea for it “began simply with a body in a river”. Swift describes the process of creating the novel as a gradual process where various avenues were explored until finally the setting came to rest in the perfect surroundings of the Cambridgeshire fens.

Similarly, his approach to Tomorrow flowed from the idea of a family secret needing to be told until he had reached a situation where the entire plot developed from the focus of one narrative voice, in this case, Paula. Interestingly, problems concerning the ability of a man to create a plausible feminine voice seem not to have been an issue, since he states that as the idea unfolded, it “became obvious that only the mother would do” in terms of relating the story to the reader.

While many commentators within the media have noted the recent decline of the Booker Prize as a genuine force in literary fiction, it is a generous Graham Swift who defends the prize and its importance to the British cultural scene, especially considering his omission from this year’s list. Having won it in 1996 with Last Orders, Swift believes that he has reached a point in his literary career when serious considerations about such prizes become redundant since Last Orders and Waterland had already established his place at fiction’s top table. For him, what is of greater concern is the current state of the British book trade, an industry he feels is being squeezed of its former vitality by the growing encroachment of a “selling by numbers” ethos, pioneered by philistine management types obsessed with corporate targets and turnover. For him,

HE RALLIES AGAINST THOSE IN THE WORLD OF LITERARY CRITICISM layered rather than a linear progression that Swift is keen to emphasise since, for him, “the novel is a perfect vehicle” for investigating the interplay between past and present, of knowledge with-

the art of browsing has been lost by the visual assault of tosh that greets shoppers when entering most chain stores or supermarkets. Until booksellers accept that range is more important than volume, greater damage will be done to British fiction than waning interest in its flagship prize.

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Rebecca Black

KEN SPELMAN BOOKS

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can’t be the only person in York who finds bookshops the ultimate in retail therapy. The cream of commerce, the elysium of emporiums, the Shangri-La of shopping. There’s something calming about stepping into Waterstone's, away from the teen chav screeches and harassed mothers reining in their broods and Big Issue sellers offering you free smiles (look out for him, he has long hair and is a delightful person. I like to call him Dave). There’s a gentle hush, akin to stepping into a holy place, where the monks wear black tshirts that invite you to ask them about the divine secrets of student cards and there are shrines to the book of the week and the three-for-two offers. Forget the monasteries in the nooks and crannies of Tibetan mountains, the myriad of bookshops in York are all I need.

The hallowed shelves of Waterstones and its chain-store ilk aside, York has a great deal to offer for the eager bibliophile, particularly if you stray from the roasted chestnut and hotdog hawking town centre. Let Vision lead you around York's bookshops; never fear, we're not sending you off on a wild goose chase into the unfamiliar contortions of medieval back alleys; oh no. This is Micklegate, Jim, but not as we know it.

Ken Spelman Books is a meandering treasure trove of books both old and new; the old included all my set texts for this term, a rather useful and very cheap find! The new include books on every subject under the sun, from George Eliot to Georgian architecture, and, rather excitingly, illustrated editions of Enid Blyton’s Secret Seven, Faraway Tree and Naughtiest Girl stories. Rediscover your inner child, hunt down antique French plays, or unearth something new and, without a doubt, amazing.

They even wrap your precious purchases up in tissue paper: this shop doesn’t just sell books, it nurtures them.

NAOMI LEVER

TEFLON TONY Britain’s biggest selling publisher Random House pays £5 million for Tony Blair’s memoirs, due to be published in 2009.

Blair, dubbed “the U.S foreign minister” by Nelson Mandela hopes to present a “frank but not disloyal” account of his time in power. Can it say anything we haven’t already heard? Will he dwell on the cash for honours scandal or take a lingering journey through the debacle that is the Iraq war? I think not.

“Teflon Tony”, who previously styled himself on Mick Jagger, will be thrilled to hear Rolling Stone Keith Richards received the same amount for his book, set to hit the shelves a year later. The saga of sex, drugs and rock n roll (wild guess) is guaranteed to be a hit. Will Blair have the same success? Literary agent Jonathon Lloyd doesn’t hold any confidence: “The public generally think that politicians are at best hypocrites or simply a bunch of lying bastards.”

The winning formula for memoirs appears to be a healthy dose of sex, celebrity gossip and political intrigue. Piers Morgan found the right balance in his account ‘The Insider’ selling 400,000 copies. Prolific diarist Tony Benn has published highly acclaimed volumes and amassed a loyal following, though less sex, more tea vicar is the key in this case.

At a point in time when we are saturated with more than we need to know about Blair, this memoir will have to contain some pretty racy stuff in order to sell. As Gordon Brown has indicated, he won’t be holding a general election before 2009 giving Blair plenty of time to discuss their “difficult marriage” as John Prescott so eloquently put it. Let’s hope it will be more revealing than former spin doctor Alastair Campbell’s heavily censored attempt. More than likely this will just be an excuse to extol the ‘brighter’ side of his days in number 10, cool Britannia and all that crap.

INK SLINGERS

E

ver considered murdering one of your university friends? Donna Tartt’s captivating novel The Secret History opens dramatically with a group of five students doing exactly that. Set in the claustrophobic world of a New England college campus, the novel works by peeling away the layers of secrets which drive the group to commit such a brutal act.

Charismatic and mysterious, the central characters of the story are an elite group of Greek Classics undergraduates. The narrator of the story, Richard Papen, as a penniless scholar from suburban California, is enchanted by the group and gradually begins to learn their horrifying ‘secret history’ and finally participates in the drastic cover-up, which is the murder of one of their number . The novel is tense and chilling, as we watch through the detached eyes of Papen the shattering effect the group’s crimes have on them and the sequence of events that leads them inevitably towards homicide. The characters are beautifully drawn, the portrayal of campus life brilliant and the plot mesmerising; this is an outstanding novel.

That is not to say it is without its flaws; there are large sections of the novel devoted to ancient Greek philosophy which can be a little tedious and which I tended to skim over while reading. Don’t let that put you off though; this is a fascinating book about the nature of evil. Not to be missed.

EMILY FAIRBAIRN

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When all is said and done, killing my mother came easily.” With an opening sentence up there to rival the most infamous beginnings, Alice Sebold’s striking new novel, The Almost Moon immediately establishes itself as a controversial tale.

Helen Knightly has cared for her dementia-stricken, agoraphobic mother all her life: the suffocation of this existence drives her, in a cruel mirror image, to suffocate her mother. How best to convey this act to readers? Sebold does so with an – at times painfully – intimate twenty four hour rollercoaster ride through Helen’s life, raising unsettling questions about the nature of her deed. Is it murder or manslaughter, kindness or cruelty?

Unable to judge Helen, or turn away from her dazed lurches around her former life as she tries to resume some semblance of normality and evade the consequences of her crime, it really is one of those elusive stay-up-tildawn reads. Even if you do have a 9.15 in the morning. Ooops.

Tempt you as The Almost Moon almost certainly will to ignore your degree reading, it is wholly worth it. Sebold delicately unfolds the layers of secrets that fester under the surface of the Knightly family, from suicide to mental illness to miscarriages. Relationships are tenderly dissected – most notably those between mothers and daughters; Helen has a chilling vision of herself subjecting her daughter to the same fate that she has suffered. The ties that bind do not stop binding, just as I was completely bound to Sebold’s novel.

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NAOMI LEVER

Never one to mince her words Nobel Laureate Doris Lessing has been quoted in Spanish newspaper ‘El Pais’ saying the number of casualties resulting from 9/11 was “not that terrible” relative to the casualties from 30 years of the Northern Ireland conflict.

Meanwhile, unlikely winner of the Booker, Anne Enright has also been courting controversy. She spoke out against the McCanns in a piece entitled “Why I dislike the McCanns” referring to the calculated media persona of Gerry McCann. She might not have been so audacious in her comments if she thought she had any chance of getting her inky mitts on the £52500 prize.

ROWLING'S REVOLUTION The wizarding world was rocked this week when Dumbledore came out of the closet.

JK Rowling announced she “always saw him as gay” at an event for young fans and their parents in New York’s Carnegie Hall.

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Anna Wormleighton goes backstage at York Theatre Royal's Production of Alan Bennett's 'Enjoy'...

W

hat did you do today at work?” Hollyoaks actor Kath Dow Blyton muses to herself as she reclines on a dilapidated sofa. “Er…mostly lay on me back with me legs open” is her answer, and she chuckles at the absurdity of it. Jerry Lindop, who has been lying on top of her, gets up and dusts himself down. The sex has been brought to an abrupt halt after Kath’s complaint that she and co-actor Jerry keep bumping mouths.

It’s a Tuesday morning and rehearsals for Alan Bennett’s play, Enjoy, are in full swing at the York Theatre Royal’s rehearsal space. Kath Dow Blyton is most well-known for her role as Hollyoaks’s Sally Hunter and is now taking on the challenging role of Linda Craven in Bennett’s play – a woman abused as a child by her father and consequently driven down the route of prostitution and pornography.

Those who consider The History Boys a controversial example of Bennett’s plays had better see this, on at the Theatre Royal from 3-24 November. In comparison, The History Boys seems a rather light romp.

Enjoy, ironically written over 20 years earlier in 1980, is one of Bennett’s darkest works showing a family with a multitude of secrets and sins.

The Cravens are an elderly northern couple, contending with

memory loss, the gradual onset of physical paralysis, and the prospect of losing their back-to-back home in Leeds. Their daughter, Linda, keeps returning home with various axes (as well as men) to grind. A lot of it, as director Damien Cruden claims, is her saying, “f*** you”.

Yet the most disturbing element of the play is the statuesque, aloof figure that sits amidst the action with a notebook and pen, calmly recording the happenings in the family. Occasionally acknowledged, mostly ignored, this largely silent “Ms. Craig” is the person for whom Linda performs the sex scene with Adrian.

“You want to observe me?” is how Kath Dow Blyton describes her character’s thinking here, seeing it as Linda’s version of a cheap porn film – sex that is rough around the edges, angry, animalistic and empty of emotion. When I asked what it was like making out

that characters indulge themselves in, he later explains to me, is symptomatic of society’s denial in general.

Yet, true to Bennett, Enjoy is a play that is also enormously funny, as the playwright is able to chuckle at his characters’ idiosyncrasies. After the casts’ tea break, Cruden rehearses them in the scene in which Linda returns home again to discover her father dead. Or is he dead? The family are seated round, casually trying to decipher whether this is the case. The only thing to suggest he isn’t dead (or maybe it suggests so – they don’t know), is the fact that he has a strapping erection which his wife has prudishly covered with a tea towel. Bennett’s skill at blending humour and pathos in this way and his flair for black humour (Wilfred complains that his wife’s senility is so far advanced that “she goes out for something tasty for our tea and comes back with toilet rolls”),

...A LOT OF IT, CLAIMS CRUDEN, IS LINDA SAYING "F*** YOU" with actor Jerry Lindop for the first time in rehearsals, Kath simply says with a smirk, “We just went for it”.

Only a few days before opening night, the pressure and exhaustion can be felt amongst the cast who have been running and rerunning scenes all morning. Various props have found their way into the rehearsal room making it resemble a car boot sale. Toilet roll is on the side, a whacking great pink dildo, a fusty clock with solidified chewing gum adorning its top, and a damp towel drying on the radiator.

A chilled Damian Cruden (right) surveys the action, hands in pockets and quietly absorbed until he picks up on something he doesn’t feel to be quite right. “Don’t rush it. Just let things crystallise a bit more.” Enjoy is undoubtedly an ambitious choice of Cruden’s despite his having tackled Bennett’s work before with Kafka’s Dick. When probed, however, he seems unfazed by the dearth of past productions upon which to draw, compared with some of Bennett’s other work. He’s not overly conscious of past productions of any play on which he embarks, he claims, and this explains why this production feels so deeply to be his own, a play which Cruden understands from the inside out.

He describes Enjoy as being about people trying to survive from minute to minute, self-deception being the key to this. The elderly Connie Craven appears cheerfully unaware of her daughter’s dubious sexual pastimes and blindly accepting of the identity of the “Ms. Craig” in their midst. Even Linda herself, a true tough nut whose lines in the play are by far the most cutting, thrives on self-deception. “How many times”, asks Cruden to Kath Dow Blyton, “has Linda faked an orgasm?

Her life is about deception, and mostly self-deception.” The denial

is largely what makes Bennett such a brilliant and cutting-edge modern playwright.

Enjoy is clearly a powerful piece and one which should be grabbed at this opportunity in case other directors fail to spot its potential as has been the case so far. Bennett’s play gives us a Big Brotheresque look at a strangely dysfunctional family whilst also touching a raw nerve in us that recognises that it’s just that little bit too close for comfort. An exceptional cast under expert direction, Enjoy boasts bloody good laughs and some things to make you squirm. theatre continues to reach oand as Lyn Garder wrote “the women are coming.”

Violinist gets virtuosic with Sibelius

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s she embarks upon the final year of her Music degree, the University of York violinist Emma Lake talks of the pressures and excitement of being the soloist for the Sibelius violin concerto in concert in a few weeks’ time.

Expecting to meet a seasoned soloist who has spent years building up to a performance of the notoriously difficult work, Emma explains to me how this is her first time as a concerto soloist. She is modest, grounded and low-key about the demands of the piece, laughing off my awe at the task in hand. “It was an exciting opportunity”, Emma explains, so she wanted to choose “a big one”.

After being successful in her concerto audition back in May where she had to prepare the first movement, Emma has been working ever since to get the entire concerto not only up to performance standard, but also from memory – over half an hour of music. Having been originally taught the violin through the Suzuki method, however, which involves no written music at all, Emma claims that music from memory comes naturally to her.

Emma started learning the violin at age seven, encouraged by her mother who was also a violinist. She was never under any pressure from her parents though, Emma says, her motivation coming entirely from within herself. She won a place in the National Children’s Orchestra when she was twelve and went on to co-lead

the Buckinghamshire County Youth Orchestra, the highlight of her career being a performance of Verdi’s Requiem at the Royal Albert Hall in 2004. When asked what concertos she would like to play in the future, Emma’s response is, “One concerto at a time!” Clearly, she is level-headed, despite having to practice at least five hours every day in the lead-up to the concert.

What has been the most nerve-racking aspect of the project so far, I ask her? “The first rehearsal two weeks ago was a little scary since you are still learning how it is to work with an orchestra.” But Emma seems, above all, exhilarated by the prospect of the concerto. “To be able to feel the power of the orchestra behind you and the adrenaline that you get from that” Emma claims is the most exciting aspect of being a soloist. And the dress – of course.

Asked whether she ever feels that she should be at a music college, Emma explains that an academic degree has always been the plan, and that she hopes to go onto a London music college after to study to become a professional Baroque player.

But right now, Emma’s got the concert to think about and the rest of her time at university, and future plans can sit on the backburner for the time being.

Anna Wormleighton

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Anna Wormleighton asks Cecily Boys, Artistic Director of York’s Old Bomb Theatre Company, to shed some light on Beckett’s legendary play and arguably the greatest playwright of the twentieth century...

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aiting for Godot is a play in which nothing happens, twice” is the phrase most people churn out upon hearing mention of the play. Vivian Mercier’s comment sounds good and so has stuck in people’s minds as a kind of subtitle to the play. Yet it’s essentially untrue and can act as a disincentive for people who go to the theatre to be entertained, to see things happen.

A heck of a lot happens in Beckett’s play actually, but the trouble is that it doesn’t take the characters anywhere. Ultimately, whatever Estragon and Vladimir do doesn’t affect where they end up. But that’s life, Boys explains. We are effectively waiting for death, and what Beckett writes about is how we choose to fill that time.

Clearly, director Cecily Boys has chosen to fill hers very productively. Balancing her life as a student, actor, director, theatre critic and chairman of the York Shakespeare Project, she is also the cofounder of the exciting new theatre company that is the Old Bomb, founded in 2006. To direct Waiting for Godot has always been a burning ambition of hers, after performing in it at the age of sixteen, and her ambition has finally come to fruition in her current production which will hit the York Theatre Royal in February.

It’s the morning after the dress rehearsal and Boys has the air of exhilarated exhaustion that characterises directors after numerous sleepless nights, surviving only on the adrenaline of a show that’s on the brink of opening. She even has a whip tucked in her pocket which I cautiously question in conversation. Surely a director need not resort to that? “Oh, it’s a prop that the bloke playing Pozzo left behind last night,” Boys says as she stuffs the whip further into her coat.

Boys has two Pauls in the lead parts – Paul Osborne playing Vladimir and Paul Stonehouse as Estragon. She laughs as she explains how they have developed a Laurel and Hardyesque relationship, both on and off stage, describing the fun they’ve been having with the physical, slapstick elements of the play and the music hall routines that appear throughout.

“They’re slowly going mad… But that’s good!”

Boys claims that if you read Godot, it’s easy to miss the humour that only really comes alive through performance. Beckett was a lover of clowning and music hall, and Vladimir and Estragon, two of his best-drawn characters, spend much of their time pissing about. “That’s the idea, let’s abuse each other…

Now let’s make up” says Estragon in one of his many schemes to pass the time. And there is something hilarious in the two men’s desperate states; they have bad breath, prostate problems and fishy feet. Their trousers won’t stay up. They even contemplate hanging themselves simply to get a hard-on.

The hardest role is possibly Lucky, the real victim of the play, Pozzo’s slave, abused to the point of being de-humanised. I ask Boys how Tim Holamn is coping with what must be one of the hardest speeches ever written for an actor. “It’s a whole 750 lines!” Boys exclaims incredulously, “but Tim is a lawyer and, therefore, has a very analytical mind”.

He learnt the speech in bullet points apparently and uses the philosophical thread that runs through it as co-ordinates to guide him through the incoherence.

I am equally intrigued how Osborne and Stonehouse have coped with the difficult nature of their dialogue when it is so repetitive and cyclical.

“There are parts which they find tricky, but they’re both meticulous people”, she claims. With such a bare stage, Boyd stresses the importance of build-

WE ARE EFFECTIVELY WAITING FOR DEATH, AND WHAT BECKETT WRITES ABOUT IS HOW WE CHOOSE TO USE THAT TIME...

ing an imaginative landscape for the actors to use as a map. They react to internal feelings rather than external events and that way there is no risk of one part of the play being confused for another.

Finally, I pop the question to Boys. Who, does she think, is Godot? “Godot”, she says, “is Mr. Boots”. The word derives from the French word for boots, and since Beckett wrote the play originally in French then this is where we should search for its origins. Perhaps the offstage Godot is not a representation of God at all then. Maybe he’s just a symbol for something that we’re all waiting for and will probably never come. Perhaps.

Old Bomb Theatre Company’s production of Waiting for Godot premiered at York College on 1 November, and ran at various venues around York until 4 November 200. The same production can be seen again at York Theatre Royal from 12-16 February 2008.

K

evin Tomlinson Unmasked: Improvised comedy at its best. Straight from a sell out world tour and the Edinburgh Festival where it received 5 star reviews. Theatre Royal York, 8-10 November, tickets £5.

B

rief Encounter: Kneehigh Theatre Company’s acclaimed production of Nöel Coward’s romance.

Quarry Theatre, Leeds, until 10 November.

W

hich of us would come to university happily admitting that we’re virgins? Which of us would come to university happily admitting not to be opera virgins? Opera North (the renowned opera company that is, as its name implies, based in the north) would be the first to admit that opera isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. So this season, they’re bringing in ways to promote the art form that has a strangely unjustified stigma preventing it from being on the average student’s list of socially acceptable things to do.

Last weekend, the company hosted Opera Virgins. It was a one-night stand that allowed guilty students longing to reveal their secret love affair with opera to come out of the woodwork, and others to lose their opera virginity in a way that was easy and painless. The award-winning, opera-hating compare Char March was joined by singers from Opera North to reveal a totally different side to opera featuring comedy and drinks. With hilarious impressions of the singers, participation from the audience and a great deal of taking the piss, the evening presented opera from a totally new angle.

Now, Opera North are sobering up their act slightly and offering a unique opportunity to see Keiser’s opera The Fortunes of King Croesus. On Wednesday 7 November, tickets for students are only £5. The price includes a free programme, pre-show chat with the conductor and a post-show drink.

Directed by Tim Albery and conducted

by Harry Bicket, this is a co-production with the Minnesota Opera. The opera is sung in English and has been described as a piece of “gloriously lively invention”. With only two more performances to go, this is an opportunity to see the first British run of a lesser-performed opera which will guarantee to raise a few eyebrows when subtly dropped into conversation.

It will certainly excuse you from having to admit that you still haven’t lost your operatic cherry.

The performance starts at 7.15pm. Call the Grand Theatre Leeds Box Office for tickets and information on 0870 121 4901.

B

lood Brothers: Willy Russell’s brilliant musical stops at Leeds on its tour and features Linda Nolan of the Nolan Sisters. Grand Theatre Leeds, 12-24 November

F

alstaff: Opera North’s production of Verdi’s opera based on Shakespeare’s greatest comic character. Grand Theatre Leeds, until 9 November (Students: £10 in advance, £5 on the day).

INTERVIEW

MUSIC

FILM

TV

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

regulars MONDAYS Folk Music Black Swan PH ring place' a ork must be a bo . It wasn't me d tol ce on friend But how . ion est really a qu n, there tow a compact wrong he is! For suprisme so d an , is a lot going on ce in a on y er ev pear ingly big names ap to look ere wh ow kn to while. You need t have thought tha though: who would be uld wo alt.country the godfather of nal ance at the Natio ar pe ap an g kin ma is th er lat ic Mus Centre for Early llent, and ce ex is r ne ag W month? Kurt folky d of the vaguely from another en

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n, of m, Paul Heato musical spectru fame ns rti ma se ou Beautiful South/H ers bb Fi at ate show is playing an intim cons iou ur sp o int ing tonight. Descend llions obably sold mi jecture, he's pr mittedly, Ad . ds or rec of and millions a bit rk are invariably club nights in Yo the train to at wh t's tha t bu of a joke, rd ester is for. A wo Leeds and Manch to es go t tha e the on of warning, avoid d Cardiff an ld fie ers dd Dewsbury, Hu t miss Manc. You migh before it gets to your night out.

Paul Heaton Fibbers

06.11 From 10.30pm

If you managed to blag a ticket to this under-publicised but still sold out show, you are lucky. Undoubtedly one of the greatest men to come out of Birkenhead ever, the former patriarch of the Beautiful South and lead vocalist with the Housemartins plays a solo set at Fibbers.

FRIDAY

09.11

Peter Donohue Jack Lyons

WEDNESDAY 07.11

Free 6.30pm

£3 7.30pm

A recital a term from a man many consider one of Britain's greatest living pianists. Each based around the later of Beethoven's Sonatas, expect beautiful music on campus.

Eoghan Colgan about£10 York House Concerts

Shadow education secretary speaks to York Conservatives, but as it's on Facebook I guess everyone can come.

Probably.

MC Lars Fibbers

£8/7 8pm

SATURDAY 10.11 Warehouse Project Manchester

£17.50adv 9.30pm

The best dance night in the North?

Possibly. Every Friday and Saturday this term under Picadilly Station until 5am. Live set from Pendulum tonight, on other occasions, Armand van Helden, Mr Scruff, DJ Yoda, Gilles Peterson and 2ManyDJs. [ABOVE]

Intellectually stimulating rap music from the New York based post-punk maestro.

Don't expect guns, rides or bling, but That Fucking Tank 8pm laptops, American history and biting Brundell SC Leeds Radio DJ's favourite named band play anti-emo jibes.

Leeds. Apparently they play in their A'n'T presents: Robyn £7 pants. But we're not really sure. That Leeds Stylus 10pm After an impressive piece of shrewd mar- could be someone else. Who knows. Not keting this summer, Robyn's electro take me, that's for sure. on With Every Heartbeat sent her flying to the top of the charts after something of a hiatus. Support from Filthy Dukes, and sets from A'n'T regulars.

THURSDAY 08.11 Kurt Wagner NCEM

£16 8pm

The head of the Lambchop empire plays an extremely rare solo show in the atmospheric surroundings of the National Centre for Early Music. Heartfelt Nashville growls, exquisite lyrics.

Beirut Leeds Irish Centre

David Gray Manchester Apollo

£27.50 8pm

Returning to the stage for a greatest hits tour, though with Rob Malone (bass) the only surviving member of the standard backing band most fans are lamenting the parting of company between Gray and drummer Clune. Will be interesting to see if he's now worth the best of thirty squids for a ticket.

SUNDAY

11.11

Lee Mack £16 8pm £15 York Grand Opera House 8pm Fast cementing a reputation as one

Closely associated with Grizzly Bear and A Hawk and A Hacksaw, Beirut creates European infused crazy beautiful music.

Acoustic symphonic freak folk.

Gatecrasher Gatecrasher, Leeds

week 6 MONDAY

FRIDAY

12.11 £2 8pm

Weekly campus promoted night takes place in the City Screen Basement.

Acoustic music, poetry and such like, almost certainly would be fantastic when coupled with one of City Screen's excellent hot chocolates.

Among the most interesting gigs in the listings page tonight, not simply because Kate Nash Leeds City Varieties 8pm of the act; winner of the O2 Undiscovered Stone the crows! It's Kate Nash. Her of Prize 2007 Eoghan Colgan is an otstandFoundations and Marfwash fame, play- ing songwriter destined for great things. ing at Britain's best remaining music The concert itself is exciting: it's in somehall venue. Combine the two, close your one's house, and you pay a donation to eyes and Dick van Dyke could appearing the artist to get a ticket. Visit from a chimney. Frankly I'm bitter that www.houseconcertsyork.co.uk for more she's yonger than me and infinitely more information. successful.

David Willetts D/056

Given the strength of some of the beers here, drowning your sorrows has never presented such value for money.

Take the Stage City Screen Basement

week 5 TUESDAY

Roots every week.

Blues Night The Maltings PH

of Britain's best stand-up comics, Lee Evans is host of They Think It's All Over, and a BAFTA winning joke writer.

Returning to the stage after a sell out 2006 tour.

TUESDAY

13.11

The Sugars Fibbers

16.11

£6/5 8pm

Two girls, a guy and some guitars.

Bizarrely cite both Jackie Wilson and the White Stripes as their influences; so a definate though perhaps unusual Detroit sound, then.

SATURDAY 17.11

Mendelssohn's Elijah York Minster

£7+ 7.30pm

Ryan Adams £24 Among the greats of the English choral York Grand Opera House 7.30pm repetoire, this performance in the magNovember is obviously a good month for Americana in York. Prolific singersongwriter who fuses folk influences with garage rock and punk sentimentalities. One of the greatest alt.country songsmiths around at the moment, best known for the song 'New York New York' from 2001's Gold. Support comes from backing band The Cardinals. [SEE BELOW]

WEDNESDAY 14.11 Hot Hot Heat Sheffield Leadmill

£12

nificent Minster is sure to be magic.

Shaolin Kung Fu Masters York Grand Opera House

£12+ 8pm

High kicking action! Excitement!

Swords! Nanchuku! Spining! Brick breaking... using their heads! Shaolin Kung Fu Masters pay a visit to York.

There's a matinee as well.On a vaguely related note, check out Muai Thai on the centre spread.

SUNDAY

18.11

£10/8 Fresh from supporting Snow Patrol, the Oi Va Voi Manchester Academy II 8pm popular Canadian synth-pop-rock band The critically aclaimed band that tours the UK in support of new album launched KT Tunstall bring a short tour Happiness ltd Why not make it a to the North. A bit like a cross between northern lands tour and couple tonight's Gogol Bordello and Basement Jaxx, this gig with tomorrow's efforts... is Klezmer trip-hop at its finest.

THURSDAY 15.11 Bedouin Soundclash Leeds Stylus

£13 7pm

Their song When The Night Feels (or fills) My Soul (or Song) was used in a mobile phone advert a couple of years ago, and apparently new album Street Gospels isn't as good as their debut or sophomore efforts, but for reggae, dub, rock and breakbeat, these crazy Canadian cats are where it's at.

23rd November Polar Bear NCEM

Apparently much better than Bondai, which has now descended into the boozy folklore of second and third years. And thankfully less cheesy. But then I haven't forgiven York students for loving Boom Boom Boom Boom and Boom! Shake The Room at Access All Areas. Musical integrity. What is that?

TUESDAYS

Dip In Salsa!

La Tasca

£3.50 8pm

Jazz/electronica fusion five-piece is a snip at £3.50 for students, but tickets are limited. Sebastian Rochford (drums) was winner of the ‘Rising Star’ award at the 2004 BBC Jazz Awards.

£5

Adding character to the otherwise uninspiring chain restaurant, weekly salsa lessons on a pay-as-you-dance basis, every Tuesday and Thursday with a range of classes for every skill level.

WEDNESDAYS Open Mic Night The Independent PH

Bit off the beaten track, but this has the opportunity to land yourself a paid gig too.

Jazz Black Swan PH

Weekly jazz music, with various local acts and some from further afield. Also Sundays.

THURSDAYS Pub Quiz 50p a team The Deramore Arms 9.30pm Bad news: Brigger the labrador has gone to live in Selby. Good news: the forty question charity pub quiz is still every Thursday evening.

Acoustic Jam The Melbourne PH

BEYOND...

£5/4

£Free 8.30pm

Open mic type thing for poets, storytellers, musicians and so forth. Free entry, prizes and other bits and pieces.

FRIDAYS

Hip Hop Black Swan PH

Live sets every second and fourth friday of the month.

SATURDAYS Secrets...

Orgasmic, York Funky house.

£Free 8pm

SUNDAYS

Otherside Comedy Club £7/6 CityScreen Basement 8pm Resident comperes Dan Atkinson and Dom Woodward bring you two national circuit stand-up acts.

Lick Toffs

York's only LGBT clubnight, with Tom Rodgers spinning the tunes.

All times, prices and events correct at time of writing. Vision cannot be held responsible for any poor nights out as a result of reading this section.

Learn to make your own fun.

for ay

433735

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE Tuesday November 6, 2007

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16 LIFESTYLE

>STYLE

>FOOD

>TRAVEL

>DRINK

BABY, IT'S COLD OUTSIDE...

With the end of that Freshers feeling comes 'flu, shorter days, colder evenings and REAL work. Cara Bendon explains that the onset of winter needent leave you feeling S.A.D....

You may have been grateful for that extra hour's sleep last Sunday – or at least another hour to get that essay done – but now the realisation has probably set in. It is almost winter.

When you are trudging home from a 4.15pm lecture and it’s already dark, it’s easy to throw on some pyjamas and snuggle up in front of the TV rather than stumble through the last gloomy hours of the day. Even the mention of the word ‘Toffs’ leaves you groaning in apathy while popping something in the microwave feels like whipping up four courses for The Queen.

This is where S.A.D – or Seasonal Affected Disorder – can play a part. According to statistics over half a million people suffer from this kind of winter depression.

As with most disorders some people are affected more than others. While S.A.D can result in emotional outbursts and anxieties that are usually associated with depression, in others it may be as mild as distaste for the cold weather - something most people in York can sympathise with. Most sufferers of severe S.A.D also have weakened immune systems during the periods they are affected. Making them vulnerable to infections and other illnesses, it might not be a Fresher’s Flu throwback that is keeping you cooped up in one of Goodricke’s cells.

Light therapy is proven to be the most effective method of treating Seasonal Affected Disorder. This involves exposure to very bright light for at least 4 hours per day and - in 85% of cases - results in some improvement in the condition. However light boxes are not currently available on the NHS and can cost as much as £100.

This treatment is usually advised in more extreme cases of S.A.D and sometimes just exposing yourself to more natural light - especially on shorter winter days - can be beneficial.

However being in your first year of University , or even starting a new year, can be difficult and stressful. If you're feeling down in a way that could easily be fixed by a cup of tea, knock on your housemates door and see if they've got time for a chat.

You never know, they could be feeling the same way too.

So whether it is the dimming days or just a heavy workload and a hangover that’s getting you down, there are plenty of ways to combat the winter blues.

This issue of Lifestyle is full of ideas to get you out of that student room and enjoying something beyond endless episodes of Trisha. Try a rejuvenating smoothie in the Roger Kirk, freshen yourself up with Style’s new beauty section and lively Mighty Boosh inspired clothes, or simply round your housemates up for a good night out.

So don't be a miserable git; get with it and go. There's still loads of stuff to get out of bed for (other than lectures, promise), but don't forget that the uni has trained professionals for you to talk to should a simple winter blues turn more serious.

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YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

S N O I S S E F N CO OF A CAMPUS PLAYBOY

Tuesday November 6, 2007

Vision's ladies man, back by popular demand, and hungrier than ever... a VK blue. She gulped it down and led me away onto the dancefloor. I don’t use the phrase sexual assault lightly but that’s probably how she felt after I did some furious bumping and grinding against this crispy pancake’s svelte body.

She gave as good as she got, she nibbled on my ear, I licked her eyeball, we were sexual pioneers that night and it all happened on Ziggy’s dancefloor. We grinded for approximately 25 minutes and decided we’d go back to mine, so I could have a right good go on her.

Needless to say I scooped her over my shoulder and bungled her into a taxi. She loved the caveman in me and even told me about a leopard print thong she owns.

I said to her ‘I own a massive erection right now’. I quickly paid the taxi driver and we ran into my bachelor pad. She led me upstairs and into my bedroom which in hindsight was a bit weird considering this was her first time in my house and she didn’t know which room was mine. Anyway we remained stood up as I pinned her to the back of my door as we tore off each others clothes.

She had a mis-

matching bra and panty set but I was cool with that as I knew they were coming off. We fell on the bed, two sweaty bodies entangled like a sexual bowl of spaghetti.

I flipped her over like a pancake and slid my widge into her scrambled egg

V

in minge. This year as expected the fresh faced female freshers were looking fit as fuck. In their sexual and physical prime these women look untouched and untainted. They have great boobs, firm rears and flat stomachs, and are looking to be buggered in every orifice. Hooray I hear you cry, but be warned. No-one wants a freshers girlfriend, so make it clear from the outset your intentions or failing that give a false name and number and leave before she wakes up.

Anyway freshers week was going pretty slow. I met a beautiful bit of bacon from Jamaica, so of course I asked her, ‘Are you Jamaican? Cos ja makin’ me horny’, one slap later I was back in hot pursuit. The dance floor was roasting like an oven, sweat lingered in the air. With every breath it was like having a drink from someone’s armpit. I roamed the dance floor like a bird of prey, there were no biters. That was until I saw a vision of beauty, her long blonde hair cascaded down her face, parting down the middle and revealing her big blue eyes. I looked deep into them and muttered, that turkey’s gonna get a stuffing tonight. Fortunately she didn’t hear me and let me buy her

V

After an absence of one issue the campus’ first and only serial love maker has returned armed with tales of frolicking, fanny and filthy love making.

Disciples, you are probably wondering where your premier playboy was in last week’s issue. Well as we all know, with overwhelming success often comes resentment. Surprisingly some women on campus found my last edition despicable, distasteful and dam right derogatory towards women. I laughed it off and continued to write my follow up ‘confessions of a campus playboy the summer edition; love on a lilo’. A couple of campus feminists heard about the article and two big burly ones chose to kidnap me, thus silencing me. Having been caged and chained by these two women for 4 weeks I managed to break free, I chinned the one with the beard and a deep voice and made a bid for freedom. So here I am back on campus’s number 1 newspaper giving you your regular dose of smut. I suggest you sit back and put the crystal on ice as I share with you the confessions of a campus playboy.

Freshers week 2007; a banquet for the playboy. This year more than most I was up to my eye balls

I’m not gonna lie to you, we did it all, I bit her bum, she sucked my balls, but I held back, as I knew she was about to have a go on an adrenaline inducing ride comparable to one at Alton Towers.

I lay next to her and told her the following, ‘I am the conductor and you’ve just bought a one way ticket on the love train, next stop euphoria. Choo-choo’. She gripped

on and saddled up. I mixed up the pace as I teased my thick pecker in and out of her wet shell. She loved it. She said she wanted to go doggy style, my tail wagged at the prospect. I flipped her over like a pancake, and slid my widge into her scrambled egg. She screamed harder so I duly obliged. I closed my eyes and grabbed her hair.

I was pulling then releasing her hair like a jockey would a horse’s mane. I could hear a thudding but I carried on regardless, she was screaming and as all playboys know that means you’re onto a winner. The screaming and thudding continued for a few minutes before I came to and opened my eyes; in the heat of passion I had only been bloody smashing her face into my head board. I apologised and explained that when I heard her crying I thought that was because she was reaching orgasm. She quickly got dressed and left. I sometimes see her on campus we say hello but we never discuss the night I almost mildly concussed her.

I’ve been your campus playboy, you’ve been a captivated reader.

Dr. Platt's...

S R E N N U STUDENT ST

Some 4 months have passed since 3d hair and beauty provided their hair services on the friday night at york uni’s fashion show.

In the ad above is one of the students whose hair design was created that evening.

As a thank you, we would like to give one lucky winer 50% off any colour treatment, if they are the first person to ring up and name the girl in the ad. the second person will get 40% off and the next 20 callers will get 30% off. good luck!

3d hair and beauty: 15-19 the shambles 01904 623166

NAME: YEAR: SUBJECT: COLLEGE:

Artem Kontyaev NAME: Georgie Yates 2nd YEAR: 2nd Management SUBJECT: Sociology and Goodricke Education COLLEGE: Goodricke Should we remain in the NUS? Yes. NUS provides an infrastructure which helps individual students’ unions to undertake their own work through the research it carries out, the training, advice and support it offers, the materials it produces and the documents it publishes. As far as I am aware only NUS can provide a national voice and lobbying and research on a national scale to ensure students are represented.

Should we remain in the NUS?

Yes. I think that York should remain a part of the NUS because they are the only body that can truly represent the students and lead campaigns to help them.

18 LIFESTYLE

Autumn Angst?

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 7, 2007

Before your new habits begin to stick, Catherine Moore and Hannah O'Shea give advice on how to combat the autumnal downer..

Winter is looming and time is beginning to seem like an unknown quantity, with 4pm feeling like 10pm, and the Monday blues str etching all week round. Howe ver, Vision is on hand wit h some light-hearted hints for those mid-term worries.

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illness You’ve finally seen the back of the accursed Freshers’ Flu- yet you’re still feeling ill. Your first instinct may be to cough and splutter vigorously over particularly irksome bouncers and St. John’s students.

After all, why should you be the only one to suffer? However, as fun as it is to spread a mini-epidemic, you’ll recover much sooner if you rest.

Sit back and relax to a light-hearted film; eat fruit, be seduced by a wholesome smoothie and get lots of sleep.

Job done, you’ll be up and running in no time.

Money Money for most people by now is becoming elusive.

It’s strange how on a Monday, your week’s budget seems just fine, yet by Wednesday afternoon you’re back at the cash point, telling yourself it’s a one off (again) and you’ll only use it for important things (K2s). Now here you are in Week 5, and its evaporating quicker than a puddle in the sahara.

Before you storm angrily into the bank and demand a mini-statement, certain that you’ve been diddled, think carefully. Daytime pints do seem to find there way into your hand quite frequently, and you can’t have got them for free. Then there’s the night(s) you paid by card in Gallery, ignoring the danger of the £10 minimum payment. Write down everything you spend and you’ll soon see where it’s going and where you can cut back. Just practice saying no to yourself and, hopefully, you can make sure your family and friends don’t end up with homemade necklaces for Christmas.

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Housemates So you still love Ziggy’s as much as it’s possible to love a sweaty hole in the ground, but your love for your housemates is waning quickly. The boy who you found comical in Week 1 for his obsession with the Lion King soundtrack is fast making you feel suicidal, and the girl you once found attractive is now making you want to climb inside your sixties wardrobe and firmly close the door. You have two options. Grow to love the sliding bolt on the back of your door, or get out more and discover someone with a mutual hatred for Hakuna Matata.

You can stay cool.

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Goo d?

LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 6, 2007

19

STYLE

BOUTIQUIFUL

Joanne Rea ventures into three of York's most beautiful boutiques... has been established twenty four years, although it is exlu-

f o r but

sively vintage, the rarity of its beaitiful garments and accessories puts Priestleys amongst the leading boutiques in York. Personally, when I think of a vintage shop I imagine something akin to a j u m b l e sale, not lengths of polished fl o o rboards, Flowered dress elegant £295,Selkie wicker baskets filled with scarves and accessories, and lovingly hand written labels with detailed desciptions of each piece and its history.

The smiling shop assistant Jane explained that the clothes aren’t predominantly seasonal, and though Priestleys does like to keep the clothing highstreet compatible, the shop’s owner has been collecting vintage items at auction since the 1970s. Looking around the shop,

A Mighty Boosh

Helen Nianias and Immy Willetts consider the eccentric style icons who think outside the box We’ve had enough of Kate Moss and Sienna Miller. They’re uninspiring and uninspired. Anyone can take a look at Kate’s Topshop range or Sienna’s dull fashion line Twenty8Twelve to know that it is time for the drabness to end. These girls aren’t having fun with clothes anymore – they look dreary and humourless. Clothes reflect part of your personality, and who wants the trendy grey “simple” tunic dress to be their billboard to the world?

Certainly not Noel Fielding and Julian Barratt, better known as stars of cult tv show The Mighty Boosh.

They both seem to embrace (Fielding more than Barratt, perhaps) the fact that looking down at a hilarious outfit on a bad day can change your mood. The show has inspired countless haircuts, running the gauntlet from your average backcombed Hoxton boy to questionable highlights to the super-sexy (yes, sexy) mullet. The contrast between Noel and Julian is part of the charm of the Mighty Boosh look: a mixture of middle-aged moustache with Fielding’s spiky uber-groomed looks.

It’s not all about being as “cool” as Noel Fielding or his many offtarget followers. Mixing Fielding’s cool-kid aesthetic with Barratt’s naff-uncle chic shows a sense of humour, and that you aren’t just another try-hard with big hair.

The mix of fabrics and textures that make up the numerous outfits on the show - satin, ruffles, and the contrast of dangerous situations with high concept fashion - exemplifies the eclecticism of the Boosh wardrobe. Fielding’s obsession with the Tudor-look ruff in one episode should, of course, be treated with caution, but you can’t deny he pulls off the look with a swagger. Both guys and girls are seduced by a quirky individualism that is pan-gender.

However, approach this jaunty attitude with some vigilance; there are limits. Topshop, for example, were selling a rather nasty-looking white furry jacket which looked like a bleached Bollo the Ape costume. You’re aim-

ing to look more like a star of the show, not some budget extra.

with a mens section at the back, you can really see that the garments have been handpicked with care. Prices at Priestleys vary, but we managed to unearth an Aquascutum trench coat for only £90, and a very now Burberry trench coat costing only £120 - a bargain if ever I saw one.

Finally we visited Selkie on Lower Petergate, a stunningly adorned boutique with clothes and accessories to match. The theatrical layout of the shop, which, as the gorgeous assistants articulated “has no boundaries”, is explained once you learn that Selkie’s owner, Lucy Weller, used to work in theatre in London; the scarf-wrapped lampshades lend a dramatic ambience, and InWear belts are entwined around the circular staircase that leads up to two more sensational rooms. The clothes, accessories and very atmosphere of Selkie are more London-esqe, but despite the higher prices, they do offer a 10% student discount. Selkie chooses labels that will suit the shop and be noticeably distinct to anything in York, meaning that what you’re buying is selected from the elite of London Fashion Week.

The shop carries labels such as Angel Jackson, Great Plains, Inwear and Johnny Loves Rosie, and

subsequently boasts a reputation of nothing but the latest trends season to season, but, even if you can’t afford anything on offer, Selkie should be visited simply for its aesthetics.

And so, dressed in an Emmeline 4 Rei shrug, a Great Plains dress and a pair of vintage Jimmy Choos, my eyes are opened. Boutique fashion is indeed, as Jane from Priestely’s ar ticulated, more a “way o f life” than a n industry, and I c a n n o w s e e Yo rk not as a small t o w n loaded with high street giants, but a small Coat £140 and t o w n scarf £25, t h a t Priestleys bulges at the seams with the best boutique fashion anyone could ever want.

Steal her his style

Keep your backcomb in place with Lee Stafford Hold Tighy Hairspray

Urban Outfitters have a great selection of colourful vintage tees

Visit ebay for some crucial vintage pieces to complete your look

Picture courtesy of Getty Images

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change of season would feel at home shopping here. always calls for a If not just for the boutique’s laychange of wardout, the owner Anne McCrickard robe, but I was is extremely welcoming, and was to undergo a new happy to divulge the secrets of her type of shopping experience for ethical haven. Having opened only 6 my own personal autumn/winter months ago, her shop is packed full collection when, with the help of of beautiful garments, and each dethe style editor, I set out one cold signer uses sustainable techniques, grey morning to explore York's recyled fabrics, or organic materifinest boutiques. I’m sure most of als, facilitating the idea that we us are acquainted with that feeling should be “responsibly gorgeous”. of walking into Toffs and seeEmmeline 4 Rei in particular had a ing your favourite dress on collection of beautiful recyled someone else - a feelpastel cashmere shrugs, ing of individuality and other designers inI think not - and if clude Ciel, People Tree and Stewart + Brown. you’re anything like me, your You might expect the idea of that conclothes at ONE to be stantly-strivedpricey bearing the for uniqueness setting in mind, but in reality, for a bouis found in the tique of this naso called “vintage” section ture, the prices are in Topshop. entirely reasonable, Having lived especially considering here for over a year, that what you’re paymy education had ing for is a one-off deVintage recycled begun. sign. Unbound by seasonjacket £95, ONE al collections, ONE ethical boutique is full of pretty My day began at ONE pastels and dark greys all ethical boutique on Peter Street, a small but charm- year round, and is a must-visit the ing boutique tucked away quaintly next time you’re in town. next to Gillies fabric shop. When I stepped in I was in awe of its cosy, My next boutique is an essential feminine charm, and with its pastel stopoff hidden away in Grape decor laiden with antiques, anyone Lane. Priestleys Vintage Boutique

20 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday November 6, 2007

STYLE

SUITED AND BOOTED Kate Reeves and Flora Elletson check out the best boots money can buy...

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s the days get shorter, the weather colder and that Ziggy’s cloakroom queue means a half hour wait, its time to accept that those flimsy ballet pumps, our fail-safes of early autumn, have to go into hibernation.

With military and utilitarian trends dominating the catwalk, the high street has a huge range of boots perfect for surviving another arctic winter in the icy climes of York, and yes, high heeled boots may be in vogue this season, but they are impractical for the average student whose daily routine involves trekking up Green Dykes hill to the JB Morrell.

Topshop have a pair of sleek black riding boots which would make a hearty addition to any girl’s winter wardrobe. Team them with pretty dresses and slouchy cardies, or over jeans to achieve that striking contrast of hard and soft.

If you’re on a budget, make sure you visit Fossgate’s most recent vintage acquisition; they offer the best selection of boots we’ve ever seen, (prices range from £15 to £35), and are always happy to chat.

pair of clumpy brown, utilitarian style ankle boots which tick all the boxes – easily wearable and channelling current trends.

Black Vintage Slouchy "Robin Hood" Ankle Boots Vintage@ Fossgate price on demand

Its never been so easy to get suited and booted for winter!

Brown Lotus Lace Back Flat Boots ASOS £145

Brown Leather Knee High Riding Boots Topshop £95

Brown Leather Engineered Boots Office £94.99

Black Vintage Ankle Boots Vintage@ Fossgate price on demand

Unconvinced knee length boots are for you? Office are offering a

Smoothly does it...

Demi Kraithman advocates a softly softly approach to wage war on winter

When the on-campus legwarmer count soars as rapidly as it has done this last week, it can mean only one of two things: either there’s another delightful version of Fame on in the Drama Barn, or the Big Bad Winter is truly here. Sources checked, I can confirm the latter to be the case.

Although perhaps the lesser of two evils, the official Start of Winter is still enough to strike fear in the heart of even the most robust of locals, and as if the cruel Yorkshire winds and having to walk to our nine fifteens in the dark weren’t bad enough, that dastardly northern winter can trigger a seemingly ceaseless onslaught of beauty baddies, with dry skin, chapped lips, flaky legs and crusty hands really not helping any winter look.

So what’s a girl to do in the face of such potential perils? We wage war using the softly softly approach; choosing products with ultra-moisturising and soothing properties to

defend your skin from the winter weather. Starting from the top, faces especially need extra moisture in these trying times as they receive the most exposure to the cold.

The legendary 8 Hour Cream from Elizabeth Arden (£19) is a Vision Style Team favourite for soothing and healing dry, chapped skin and calming weather-induced redness, and for those on a tighter budget, try The Body Shop’s Vitamin E Moisture Serum (£10). Use this treatment before your usual moisturiser to boost hydration levels and protect skin from the aggression of the elements. Now boys, listen up – this concerns you too, even your tough manly exterior demands defence as the temperature drops.

Lush’s best-selling Skin Drink face cream (£8.25), made using sesame oil, aloe-vera and neroli oil will provide your skin with the extra moisture it needs. And don’t worry – it has a sexily masculine, earthy smell, so your reputations may just survive the term intact.

Onto the lips. A healthy layer of

L’Occitane’s wondrous multi-purpose Solid Shea Butter (£5) will prevent chapping before venturing out into the cold, bleak abyss. If, alas, the damage has already been done, roll out the big guns with Clinique’s Superbalm Lip Treatment (£9) for serious repair work and moisture replenishment.

Then toughen up those roughened hands with Crabtree & Evelyn’s Gardeners Hand Therapy (£9.75). One of the best out there, it protects hands from potential harm as well as restoring and soothing. Again boys, sufficiently un-girly in fragrance as it is, you can use this one too.

And finally, despite hibernating under at least two layers of Primark’s finest 80 deniers, legs too need extra attention to stave off that pesky seasonal flakiness. If you have time, slap on The Body Shop’s Almond Body Butter (£12) straight after your shower: it smells divine and leaves skin as soft as a Lib Dem Manifesto. If you run out of time though, cut it in the shower with Lush’s Buffy Body Butter (£4.25), an all-round miracle worker whic cleanses, exfoliates and moisturises in one sweet little bar. Brilliant.

Courage my friends and go forth.

We can win this war. But smoothly does it eh?

W Y E N UT N! A IO E B CT SE

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday November 6, 2007

21

FOOD&DRINK the Vision Hot list Smoother than a smoothie....

• THE LIVING ROOM GNER are currently giving 20% off food at The Living Room, so get yourselves down there and enjoy some fine dining on the cheap! Visit www.gner.com for details.

• REGGAE REGGAE SAUCE Put some music in your food with this Jamaicanstyle BBQ sauce, originally featured on BBC's Dragon's Den and which then spawned a novelty single - better than tomato ketchup, according to our TV editor!

•SAINSBURY'S VINTAGE VINEGAR Poncy, I know. But my newly acquired free sample of Taste The Difference Vintage Balsamic Vinegar of Modena really is quite good. Try mixing with olive oil and brushing on bruschetta.

Lumpier than your mum's mashed potato....

• RENT-A-BEAN Branston are so worried that we students are becoming too adventurous with our culinary forays that they've introduced a bean loan scheme in which students receive free cans of beans, which they pay for once they start working.

Hmm....

• COD CRISIS Despite a reformed EU common fisheries policy, overfishing, the cod poulation is still in trouble, according to the environmental charity WWF. Time to start going for the haddock instead at the chippy....

SMOOTH OPERATOR Lydia Mills is seduced by the smoothest new kid on the block.

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’m in love. He’s welldressed, confident but not in your face, he has a sensitive side...let’s not hold back here he’s delicious.

Our eyes met one sunny lunchtime across the Roger Kirk Centre - one taste, and I was hooked. A real smoothie, some might say....

So, who’s this mysterious guy, I hear you ask. I have to admit I was using a bit of artistic license, but the basic facts are there. The object of my foodie affections is the very shiny, brand new smoothie bar on campus - Smooth Operator.

Decked out in a fresh pink and green colour scheme with blue neon lighting up the front of the counter, the recently converted bar gives a good first impression. The orange-juicing machine is a particular novelty - you can watch as whole oranges turn into fresh juice in seconds.

The menu looks even more tempting, with drinks from pure fruit juice (not from concentrate), through yogurt smoothies and special energy boosters on offer, incorporat-

ing a wide range of fruits.

A current favourite of customers is the ‘Cleanser’ Fusion Juice - a refreshing mix of apple, carrot and lemon juices.

Even if you just can’t go without that caffeine kick, there’s something for you here in the form of frappés - espresso coffee blended with ice and flavourings and topped with whipped cream.

The emphasis is on fresh, healthy ingredients - the fruit used in the smoothies is frozen quickly after being picked to keep the nutrients in, and this has the added bonus of making the smoothies nice and cool when they’re blended.

They’re environmentally conscious too - all the cups used are fully biodegradable, and they even give away any compostable waste to anyone who should

want it.

A similar concept to the juice/ milkshake bars seemingly popping up on every high street, Smooth Operator was researched in Hull and York.

It was installed over t h e summer break in the bar area of the Roger Kirk Centre, which was previously used only for events outside of termtime, as a more student-friendly use of the space.

However, the bar fittings were preserved so that the area can still be used as a regular bar for such events.

Open from 9-5 on Monday - Thursday and 9-3 on Friday, the drinks are proving popular already, with around 100 smoothies, juices and frappés being whizzed up every day.

But the real proof, as

they say, is in the pudding - and here’s where the perks of being food & drink editor come into their own!

As well as having a taste of the fresh orange juice - a pleasant surprise for someone who doesn’t usually go for orange juice - I picked a Blackberry Fields Yogo Smoothie when offered a free drink. Well, it was in the name of research after all!

The combination of blackberry, strawberry, apple juice and 98% fat-free yogurt was just the thing to keep me going for the afternoon, and surprisingly filling, too.

So how much will one of these delicious drinks set you back?

At £2.29 for all regular smoothies and juices and only £0.40 for booster shots, Smooth Operator is a good-value way to get one of your five-a-day, and as the winter sets in, I for one will certainly need to top up on the vitamins to avoid yet another cold!

With a free entry to the ‘Get Fit Not Fat’ competition to win a mountain bike with every purchase, there’s every reason to go down and give Smooth Operator a try.

The world is your oyster…or is it your Foreman?

Monica McCumisky sings the praises of a lean, mean fat-reducing grilling machine.

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or most of us, the last thing we want to do after a day of lectures is to have to go home and try to cook. If you’re rushing out to the pub or late for a social, it’s so much easier to just order whatever take-away you haven’t already had twice that week.

Many students are subjected to the ‘tut-tuting’ of parents after enquires of ‘are you eating well?’ don’t meet with a satisfactory response.

But what can we do? The majority of us aren’t gourmet chefs; take-away, ready meals and tinned food are all just easier, even if you have to cover up the taste with numerous squirts of ketchup.

But, food lovers, fear not - there is a solution! Our arteries need not be clogged with saturated fat, our daily salt intake need not be going through the roof, our time need not be taken up with hours of peeling, steaming, dicing and slicing vegetables…our need is simply to embrace the wonder that is the George Foreman Grill.

Widely acknowledged by students as being one of the most ground-breaking inventions known to man, the Lean Mean Fat Reducing Grilling Machine

is responsible for preventing the starvation of hundreds of hundreds of freshers, second and third year students alike.

Easy, quick and healthy to use, (and with a removable grill base, making washing up easier - always a bonus) the Foreman is perfect for those students who are either on first name terms with the Vanbrugh canteen staff, have tens of take-away numbers stored on their mobile, or are suffering with RSI from using the tin opener on too much of a regular basis.

Ranging from £20-60, the George Foreman should be on top of your Christmas list. Let’s face it: if the only sort of meat you’re getting is that of the tinned variety, (and you're not a veggie!) then things can’t be good.

Traditionally used as a meat grilling machine, the Foreman, however, isn’t only for macho, meat lovers; it’s brilliant for the vegetarians among us, fish fanatics, and dessert fiends. It can create simple snacks for between lectures, or can be used to pummel the hunger pangs that you get after a heavy night out drinking.

It only takes 5-10 minutes to create a feast. Take a gander at the recipes, see if you can’t conjure up a treat.

Fun Foreman Food Tandoori Grilled Chicken You will need:

228g carton of unflavoured low fat yoghurt, 1 Tbsp lemon juice, 2 tsp paprika, 2 garlic cloves, minced, ½ tsp ground ginger, ½ tsp cumin, ½ tsp cayenne pepper, ½ tsp cinnamon, 4 boneless, skinless chicken breast halves.

To make:

In a small bowl, mix together the yoghurt, lemon juice, paprika, garlic, ginger, cumin, cayenne pepper & cinnamon. Place the chicken breasts in a shallow glass pan & pour the marinade over the pieces, turning to coat thoroughly. Cover tightly & refrigerate for 1–8 hours, turning occasionally. Place the chicken on a preheated grill & grill for 5-7 minutes. Discard any unused marinade. Serves 4.

Grilled Strawberry Shortcake You will need:

1 low fat shortcake, cut into 8 slices, ¼ cup maple syrup, 2 cups fresh strawberries, cleaned & sliced, 1 cup non fat whipped cream topping.

To make:

Preheat the grill, place the shortcake slices on the grill, brush with maple syrup & grill for 3 - 5 minutes, until the cake is toasted & completely warm. Put the slices on individual plates, top with strawberries & cover with whipped topping.

22LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION Tuesday November 6, 2007

TRAVEL

Bethany Marett goes to Scarborough

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Fast cars, massive yachts, beautiful women: Andy McGrath lives the high life on the French Riviera.

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ooking for an escape from the cold? Then treat yourself to a cure of the Cote d'Azur and its Mediterranean climate. There’s nowhere better to visit than Monaco, with its reputed 300 days of sunshine a year.

It’s about as much fun as you can have in France without taking your pantalons off: fast cars, a Grand Prix street circuit, extravagant yachts, a world-famous casino, leggy blondes with their unattractive, middle-aged millionaire husbands and beautiful beaches and vistas. But wait, you can’t have fun in France, I hear you protest? And, of course, this isn’t France - Monaco wisely avoided any associations with everyone’s favourite cheeseeating surrender-monkeys by deciding to become a principality (geography’s version of a loophole), and playing by its own rules. This means that there is a 1.96 square kilometre rebel of a micronation tucked away in the south-east corner of France with almost everything anyone could want. Take that Disneyland Paris.

Don’t say the paradigm “money doesn’t matter” too loudly here - Monaco comes with the reputation of being the definitive millionaire’s playground and it doesn’t disappoint: it’s all brash, flash and cash. Every third or fourth car that zooms by is a Porsche/Ferrari/Aston Martin. Similarly, every third or fourth yacht in the massive harbour is a Sunseeker. In case you haven’t realised, anyone who can afford to live in Monaco (a tax haven) is at the zenith of their respective field.

Famous Brit glitterati now living

the high life here include F1 driver David Coulthard, Topshop owner Phillip Green and former Bond Roger Moore. Thus, there are some pretty exclusive clubs too – the renowned Grand Casino de MonteCarlo for example, as well as the Bank of Monaco. A look inside the former reveals its grand and palatial proportions – 28 ionic columns, marble pillars, and a minimum bet of £2,500. Double or nothing on the student loan then?

For all its opulent status symbols and celebrity what-arethey-compensating-fors, Monaco as a modern city is surprisingly

Don't say "money doesn't matter" too loudly - Monaco is all brash, flash and cash

V

uring your time at university, it’s well worth taking a trip out of York and experiencing the lesser-known delights that Yorkshire has to offer.

For only £10.50 return with a railcard, you can reach Scarborough by train, the largest seaside resort in Yorkshire (renditions of Scarborough Fair are a necessity journey amusement).

Hark back to your childhood, bash your friends on the dodgems, develop a gambling problem in the penny arcades, try to win yourself that cute yet elusive panda in the claw vending machines and build sandcastles on the beach (yes, we realise it is November!).

For £6 you can go on a coastal cruise - weather dependent - and view the seals in their natural environment at Casty Rocks, just south of the Harbour. Or experience some history and visit Scarborough Castle, which has endured sieges from the Roman army, attacks from Viking invaders and medieval kings, Civil War battles and German naval bombardment during WWII. Situated along the pier and seafront are many top-quality restaurants, ‘proper’ fish and chip shops and quaint little cafes. When you’ve had enough of the beach, eaten your Scarborough rock and spent all your 2p’s, you can head into the town centre, which has major shopping chains alongside big-name boutiques. The Brunswick Shopping Centre, located in Scarborough’s pedestrianised shopping precinct, is a all-weather shopping centre with a department store and thirty-five other retail outlets, providing a nice alternative to the usual.

Scarborough is the Blackpool of the North-East and has been a popular seaside resort for over 300 years. Still as enjoyable as ever, and only 52 minutes from York, with trains every hour, you can enjoy a change of scenery and experience a new aspect of the county on a student budget!

COTE D'AZUR CAPERS

V

DAY TRIPPER

bland, full of unattractive highrise buildings and hotels. Behind the beach-side promenade, though, there is the Old Town - a network of quiet streets with fabulous jewellers, art galleries and boutiques.

You name it, they’ve got it: Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton, Chanel and Christian Dior all have homes in

Monaco. There’s even a cathedral, although I’d just call it a big church myself. Still, nothing beats a nice stroll along the Mediterranean seafront in the sunshine, through the tunnel synonymous with the Grand Prix, opening out upon a vast expanse of sand (the Plages du Larvotto) and stunning views west across the Cote d’Azur, towards the likes of Cannes and Antibes, both tourist hotspots themselves.

This oasis of internationality – only 15% of the 32,000 residents are native Monacans - is also eerily clean: it's as if those ghastly Channel 4 cleaners Kim and Aggie rally the troops at dawn, armed with dusters and Windex - even the rails in the train station were shining. There are no beggars, chavs or general disreprobates either; assumedly, any troublemakers were unceremoniously shipped over the “border” to France years ago. Later, being the student plebs we are, we actually stopped outside Mercedes and Ferrari dealerships and took photos of the luscious four-wheel models sparkling temptingly under the spotlight. Indeed, there is a certain “sweet-shop” effect with Monaco – it’s as if you’re looking in at all the delicious treats, but can only stare, salivating at the prospect of enjoying them. The fact of the matter is, there is simply nowhere else in the world like Monaco. Something to aim for, though?

Admitantly, unless your family owns a small part of Gloucestershire, actually staying in Monaco is beyond the average student’s means. That is where Nice lends a helping hand: you can catch a bus to Monaco for about £5 return, and even stay in one of its respectable two-star places for a few nights; ours was only £20 a night.

To be fair to it, Nice is pretty – er – nice too. The main thoroughfare is the beach-adjacent, palm tree-lined Promenade des Anglais, “the Walk of the English”, so called as Nice was effectively the first big tourist destination for Britons in the late 18th century. And it’s faring ever so slightly better than modern ex-pat

clogged counterparts like Benidorm and Majorca. From the stately Place du Palais to the winding streets of the Old Town, there is much to do here in Nice, France's second largest tourist centre. Just off “la Prom” is the broad Place Masséna, the focal point of the city, a bustling, fountain-filled square lined with restaurants, shops and boutiques. Culture vultures will be drawn to Nice too – there's the Matisse Museum, the Musée des Beaux Arts and the arrestingly-beautiful St Réparate Cathedral, just for starters.

Nice has a pleasantly rustic feel, with its whitewash buildings, narrow streets and 1960s French seaside charm, as if you would expect Brigitte Bardot to saunter past you on the beach.

It's somehwere you can take your grandma, but which also enjoys a thriving nightlife. Alternatively, for a more laidback approach, just sit on the pebbled beach and watch the world go by.

Our exit from Nice was also noteworthy. The packed morning bus ride out of town was a joy among joys: as the bus temperature gauge shifted from “furnace” to “inferno”, two French people had an equally-heated argument over an alleged racial slur - alas, my French A Level didn’t equip me with racial denigration vocabulary. Moreover, of course, it had to be here, in France, that the worst thing in three weeks of hitch-hiking (the only reason anyone at uni seems to travel) happened to us. From a car, someone threw a bucket of soapy water on us. About as physically threatening as a small child throwing a stuffed toy, I hear you say, but dispatched at 40mph, it soaked us and burnt the eyes. And frankly, we didn’t know what it was; could have been liquid napalm.

After the you-always-lose-at-wars/ you-know-their-women-don’t-shavetheir-armpit curses usually levelled at the French, we cleaned ourselves up and got a lift in a funky Volkswagen van. From a French-Canadian, naturally, as us rosbifs weren’t getting a lift from any self-respecting citizen of Nice/France. So much for “the Walk of the English”...

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday 6 November, 2007

Campus' most passionate sports writer

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SPORTS SHORTS

Robert Romans Bob Wilson talks about Arsenal, the BBC and the loss of his daughter

twenty years and then I was headhunted for my eight years at ITV.” During 28 years as a broadcaster, Wilson witnessed a lot of defining moments of English sport.

“The saddest moment was presenting Grandstand on the afternoon of the Hillsborough disaster.

The greatest was being in the chair to present the most watched programme ever on one channel; almost 27 million watched Argentina

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I taught ' [Seaman] little or nothing but [he] needed my enthusiasm, ambition and mentoring

wicked WHISPERS W H I C H PROMINENT sports president had a very special sleepover recently?

The student in question was offered a change of scenery by the York constabulary after a bout of public urination in a local takeaway. It's by no means the first time that this sportsperson has graced these pages, and we at Vision suspect it won't be the last, either.

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Wilson was an instrumental part of Arsenal's first ever double-winning team of 1971 - £15,000 a week - crazy. The top few earn anything between £50,000 and £135,000 per week.”

Similarly to the Arsenal side of today, the Arsenal side of the early 1970s enjoyed success and Wilson was a major part of it, so what were the best moments of his career?

“Winning the double with Arsenal in 1971 and winning a European

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Arsène is one of the most interesting and intelligent people I have ever met...

V

TUESDAY 23rd September 2007: a young Arsenal team produces a master class in football as they beat Slavia Prague 7-0. Since 1996, Arsenal have been managed by Arsène Wenger; regarded by many as the person who has revolutionised English football. Arsenal legend Bob Wilson is a man well-versed in football; his life has revolved around the game and he has witnessed its evolution. Wilson was lucky enough to work under the current Arsenal manager.

“Arsène is one of the most interesting and intelligent people I have ever met. Fascinating, an original thinker, determined that fans who pay so much to watch are fully entertained” says Wilson, “Only when he is gone will he get the credit he deserves for changing the game in this country. He does not enjoy defeat but who does?”

Arsenal as a club has changed a lot since Wilson’s playing days; equally, football has changed a lot too - particularly when it comes to wages and bonuses.

“For winning the Double of League and FA Cup in 1971 our best paid player earned, with all bonuses etc, £17,500. That was after playing 65 competitive games and 10 friendlies in that season. Poor players at the top level nowadays earn £10,000

trophy in 1970.”

Wilson added that being the first English-born Scot to play for Scotland was another proud moment.

Unfortunately, his career ended on a sour note; Wilson sustained an injury in the 1972 FA Cup semifinal which ended his playing, the

moment which he unsurprisingly regards as the worst moment of his career.

His association with Arsenal never waned. He was the club’s goalkeeping coach until 2002 and had the pleasure of working with two of Arsenal’s finest: “The best two I worked with were David Seaman and Pat Jennings.

Both had great presence even before they were asked to make saves.

I taught them little or nothing but they needed my enthusiasm, ambition and mentoring I think.”

David Seaman is famous for sporting a pony tail during his playing days; was Wilson jealous of Seaman’s hairstyle?

“It was a trademark and set him apart from the rest. He had the guts to take the ribbing especially if he had made a mistake. This country likes characters. Pat Jennings still wears his long hair and he is over 60. I wish I had hair that length!”

With his playing career over, Wilson embarked on an equally commendable journey in broadcasting.

“I enjoyed doing items for the BBC when I was still playing. The BBC then asked if I would be interested when I finished playing to become the first sportsman to help present all the BBC’s sports programs. They stuck with me for

v England during France 98.”

Wilson’s retirement has coincided with the rise of Gabby Logan and the continuing dominance of Des Lynam.

“Gabby was only just starting to hit the big time as I was finishing and is now doing brilliantly. Des was unique with a style which was so different to mine. He was very helpful during my time at the BBC when I was usually his number two. I cannot say I was happy when he took my job at ITV. It was a difficult last two or three years in the business although with my daughter Anna so ill I knew full well what was and was not really important in my life.”

In 1999, following the death of his daughter, Anna, who died of cancer shortly before her 32nd birthday, Wilson and his wife Megs founded the Willow Foundation, a charity dedicated to providing special days for sick people.

Vanbrugh gets ready to show off its killer tackle VANBRUGH'S FOOTBALL sides have announced a naked calendar for Yorkshire Cancer Research.

Organised by Sam Whittaker, the calendar will attempt to not only titilate but educate.

The Vanbrugh players are hoping their efforts will raise awareness of the dangers of testicular cancer.

A group photo will include all footballers from the 1st and 2nd XIs, with other highlights including Mr May Matt Richards and Mr October, also known as Tom Sheldrick.

wicked WHISPERS

Veteran Wilson pictured with new Arsenal starlet Theo Walcott “As a community nursing sister she was aware that losing a child often destroyed the lives of those who loved that person. She was determined that it would not be the case with all of us. She demanded quality of time and life and always some normality within her treatment. In the last week of her life she basically told her mum Megs to use what she had learned."

WHICH YORK University team disgraced themsleves on their fresher 'initiation' night?

A certain team's initiation ritual involved rolling down Clifford's Tower hill... naked. However one dissenting fresher refused to take part, instead he found fun in pushing others down the hill. Now he's wishing he'd taken part after all, as he accidentally pushed a policeman and got himself arrested!

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday November 6, 2007

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF...

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A WIMBLEDON LINE JUDGE > Lauren Cockbill, Vision's Sports Editor, describes a typical day as a line judge at Wimbledon MY ALARM is set for 8.30. Its shrill ring wakes me up immediately and the first thing I do is draw the curtains and check the weather. A good omen: it’s not raining. After a quick shower I get dressed into my lovely Ralph Lauren Wimbledon uniform.

By calling it lovely I am not being totally ironic. Compared to the frumpy, bogey green coloured uniforms of only two years ago, it is a vast improvement. Although the cream plimsoles are far from en vogue, I feel I can go to work looking respectable, even quite smart.

At 9.30 I leave the rented flat I am staying in and start to walk to the Wimbledon grounds.

After the standard security checks at the entrance gate I head straight for the locker room to deposit my baggage. I then go to the bathroom to check my hair isn’t too windswept and finally check the notice board to discover which court I’ve been designated: Centre Court!

My heart misses a few beats. I can’t believe it. My third day in and my first time on Centre Court. Next the nerves come racing into my stomach. How would I cope? Would I screw up? Who was playing on that court? All these questions are spiraling uncontrollably round my head; I take a deep breath and try to relax.

After the initial shock subsides I make my way over to the Official’s Buttery. This is the area where all the line and chair umpires reside and includes a cafeteria which offers a splendid menu. In fact one of the best bits about Wimbledon is the food. Apart from the brilliant cafeteria there is the delightful food court where many a guilty pleasure can be indulged. A favourite outlet of the officials is the douche stand where many a morning, line and chair umpires alike, make a bee line towards to satisfy their hunger with a sausage baguette and of course a generous dollop of brown or tomato sauce.

Anyway, back to the tennis.

Each court is assigned a team of line judges with one official designated team leader. It is the team leader’s duty to assign people their positions on court and generally make sure the team is punctual and organised. As is procedure, I report to my team leader and receive the order of play for the day and our

Lauren Cockbill in uniform, front row, second from left

> I know that in a matter of about five minutes I'm going to be calling one of the fastest serves in the world schedule. I breathe a sigh of relief; we’re not on court until 1pm.

As the minutes tick away I imagine what it is going to be like but nothing can quite prepare you for walking out onto Centre Court, the most famous and prestigious tennis court in the world. With the roof missing this year the stadium feels enormous and I feel minute in comparison. Sitting in my chair I can sense the thousands of spectators waiting expectantly for play to begin but I decide to not to look around me in case I lose focus. Right now my nerves are behaving but then Andy Roddick strides straight past me amid a rapturous applause and my heart starts to hammer. The whole setting just feels completely surreal and I know that in a matter of about five minutes I'm going to be calling one of the fastest serves in the world.

The opening game is over quickly without any problems, now it is Roddick’s turn to serve.

Two points into the game Roddick serves a screamer right onto the line I am calling. Seeing no space between the ball and the line I give the safe signal. In my mind there is no doubt that the ball is in however Danai Udomchoke, Roddick’s Thai opponent, has other ideas. He challenges my call with Hawkeye.

Unbelievable. I have barely been on the court ten minutes and already I am being challenged by Hawkeye. The image appears on the big screen, the crowd build up the tension with their ascending ‘whoaaaaaaa’ and I am praying Hawkeye does not let me down; I know that the ball was in. Yes! I am vindicated and am even recognized by a polite applause from the crowd. With my confidence intact the match continues and after an hour’s play our shift is over. What an introduction to Centre Court.

In between shifts I tend to stay in the Buttery and chill out. There is always someone to talk to and

there is internet access aswell. The best perk of the job is access to Centre and No.1 Court between shifts.

Officials have a specially designated area on both these courts so we have the privilege of watching the best tennis Wimbledon can offer. However, today I know that between shifts the last thing I want to do is watch more tennis balls, so I give my mind and eyes a good rest.

Andy Roddick disposes of Danai Udomchoke quickly. Next up is world #1 Justine Henin. This time I was calling serve down the centre which is the line that requires the least amount of calling. Thankfully there were no more Hawkeye challenges directed at me and I enjoyed the experience thoroughly. Working as an official at Wimbledon is special anyway, but working on Centre Court is on a completely different level. The aura the court exudes channels all of our concentration onto the match. Coming off after a successful session of line calling is

extremely rewarding and there is a real sense of camaraderie amongst the team.

Henin disposed of her Russian opponent Vera Dushevina equally as efficiently. The next scheduled match is Tim Henman against Spaniard Feliciano Lopez. I know from spectating, that when a Brit is playing on Centre Court, the atmosphere is electric. Although I’d had a baptism of fire with my Hawkeye challenge earlier, the prospect of officiating for Henman was another daunting thought as he carries the hopes of the crowd on his shoulders. However due to the rain, the opportunity to officiate Henman on Centre Court doesn’t materialise. Play is eventually cancelled for the evening and as I walk into the village for a few drinks with my fellow line judges, I reflect on what has truly been a rollercoaster ride of a day.

VOLLEY OF VICTORIES FOR WOMEN'S TENNIS

BY ADAM THORN AND LUCY TAYLOR YORK WOMEN'S Tennis 1sts have started the season in formidable form as they remain unbeaten in three matches.

Sitting in second position in league 2B of the Northern Conference, team captain Lauren

Cockbill is more than happy with the team’s results.

‘We are doing so much better than last year. I think we can really challenge for a promotion place.’

Last year the team only managed to finish seventh out of eighth but due to an influx of new, fresh talent the tide seems to be turning.

The first team squad is made up entirely of freshers, with the

exception of the second year captain. Amanda Mowbray, an American from Texas, plays in the no.2 position, followed by Maria Hunt at no.3 and Caroline Brown at no.4. The doubles partnerships are Lauren Cockbill and Amanda Mowbray at no.1 and Maria Hunt and Charlotte Gregory at no.2.

Doubles has proved especially successful so far. Hunt and Gregory are unbeaten as are Cockbill

and Mowbray, who just clinched their match against their Leeds Met 3rd opposition on Wednesday 9-7, after being 6-1 and two match points down.

Cockbill has been mightily impressed with her new team: 'Our first match together as a team was against Leeds 2nd away and the girls played as if they’d been playing together for ages. We won 10-0 which was a huge confi-

dence booster. Last Wednesday we beat Leeds Met 3rd 8-2 but there were a lot of close matches, so we did exceptionally well to make it such a convincing victory.’

York’s next match will be away against Hull tomorrow. However no.2 player Amanda Mowbray is unable to play, providing an opportunity for Charlotte Gregory to debut in the singles line up.

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday 6 November, 2007

25

BUSA UNIVERSITY SPORT: RUGBY, FOOTBALL, NETBALL & HOCKEY

BY ANDY MCGRATH THE NEW Rugby season has gotten off to a flyer for York - the second XV have taken the Northern Conference 4B division by the scruff of the neck, defeating first Sheffield Hallam 3rds and then taking a fine 18-17 away win to Hull’s 2nds.

But the jewel in the crown was their sensational 151-0 demolition of a hapless Huddersfield 2nd team on Wednesday, comfortably surpassing the previous record win after scoring the average of a converted try every four minutes.

“Although we played pretty well, they were simply awful. What was most frustrating was that they weren’t even trying: within about 20 minutes they had essentially stopped tackling. None of our team would have minded if they were rubbish (which they were) and tried hard, but they simply couldn’t be arsed,” said an insider.

HULL ERODED AS RUGBY SIDES MARCH ON

Men's Northern Conference 4B

York 2nds Hull 2nds York St John 2nds Leeds Trin 1sts Shef Hallam 3rds Northumbria 4ths Scarborough 1sts Huddersfield 2nds

P 3 3 1 1 3 1 2 2

W 3 2 1 1 1 0 0 0

D 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

L 0 1 0 0 2 1 2 2

PD Pts +192 9 +26 6 +10 3 +50 3 - 40 3 -9 3 - 28 0 - 201 0

After an erratic last year, the team looks like it has added more consistency to its repertoire. If the victory bandwagon continues to power on - though the season is still young - promotion beckons.

Moreover, the first XV are also flying high. After dispatching with Huddersfield and Bradford’s first teams, they suffered their first defeat, a 25-10 loss away to Newcastle 3rds. Despite the defeat, York's 1sts remain third with nine points, ahead of York St John 1sts on points difference with a game in hand. Their early form will give hope that the club can not only bring a victory in Varsity, but even overturn last year's home defeat during Roses at Lancaster.

> Record-breaking 2nd XV top their league > 1sts lead St John on points difference

Women's Hockey and Netball make strong starts O'Shea delighted as

BY EMMA BARROW THE NETBALL 1sts remain unbeaten in their BUSA matches this term, showing exactly what they are made of following the summer reshuffle that saw them moved to a lower league.

According to first team captain Amy Smith, this injustice has made them “even more determined” to do well this season, and with convincing victories in their opening two matches, over York St John 2nds and York’s own 2nds respectively, promotion is a very real possibility.

Their campaign was further boosted by Wednesday’s win over a strong Newcastle 3rds side, in a game that was more competitive than the 31-23 scoreline suggests.

Newcomer Sarah Fisher was awarded Player of the Match, proving that with the loss of fifteen squad members last term, the new intake will have a key role to play. Fisher and fellow Fresher Sammi Briggs have

settled in “amazingly well” according to Smith, with both scoring plenty of goals alongside second year Sarah Pycroft.

The team will hope to replicate their BUSA form in the Northern Universities Netball League (NUNL).

Their only match in that league so far this term ended in a 32-20 defeat to Liverpool.

Netball Women's Northern Conference 4B Teeside 1sts Northumbria 3rds Huddersfield 1sts York 1sts Newcastle 2nds Newcastle 3rds York St John 2nds York 2nds Teeside 2nds Bradford 1sts

P 3 3 3 2 3 2 3 3 3 3

W 3 3 3 2 2 1 0 0 0 0

D 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

L 0 1 0 0 1 1 3 3 3 3

Pts 9 9 9 6 6 3 0 0 0 0

Meanwhile, the 2nds have not enjoyed as good a start, with three defeats in the BUSA league and a loss to Liverpool in the NUNL failing to reflect their clear potential. The 3rds have fared rather better, losing to Sheffield Hallam 3rds,

but beating Sunderland and TASC. “Overall I’m very pleased with how it’s been going,” said Smith. “All three teams are looking really strong and it’s going to be a good year.”

A 6-0 defeat to Northumbria on Wednesday leaves a struggling Men’s Hockey 1st XI still looking for their first win of the season in the BUSA league.

“The results of the first few games do not reflect the way in which we have begun to gel as a team,” said 1sts captain James Hume, who remains hopeful that his side can recapture the sort of form which saw them win promotion last season.

After the opening weekend of the North Yorkshire Premier Division ended in two away defeats they are certainly in need of a confidence boost, whilst the second XI will also be hoping to build on what has been a solid rather than spectacular start to the season.

The women’s squad are off to a flying start, with both the 1st and 2nd XI top of

their BUSA leagues.

Hockey Women's Northern Conference 3B

P W 2 2 1 1 1 1

York 1sts 3 Leeds 3rds 3 Durham 3rds 3 Teesside 1sts 3 Sheffield 2nds 3 Hull 1sts 3

D 0 0 1 1 0 0

L 1 1 1 1 2 2

Pts 6 6 4 4 3 3

The 1sts' impressive 3-1 win over Leeds’ 3rd XI on Wednesday was evidence of how well several new firstyears are combining with long-serving players. Anna Smith, Karen Wallace and Katie Wilson have already proved invaluable additions to the line-up and, as captain Diana Cowland explained: “The club has been very fortunate that two goalie Freshers, Claire Kirby and Cassie Barker, have turned up this year. They have been huge assets to the squad, adding confidence in defence.”

The team are also looking to go one better in the local Yorkshire league, after missing promotion by a single point last season.

new-look team goes top

BY TOM JACKSON

and two draws restoring confidence. The new playREELING FROM the ers have played a big role loss of several first-team in this better form.O’Shea players, York’s 1st team says: “Left back Alex footballers have Cooper has been the pick had what captain of the bunch, he’s really Dominic O’Shea calls got off to a strong start and a “turbulent” start made the position his own”. to the season. There is, Ed Murrills, promoted from however, room for opti- the 2nd XI this season, had mism, with new players a huge impact as substitute starting to set- in the 2-1 win over Leeds tle into a side that Trinity, while Alistair sits top of its BUSA Laird has also done well. division, unbeaten With the team having in three s h o w n Football Men's Northern matches. g r e a t Conference 3B After a mental solid start, P W D L Pts s t r e n g t h a 2-1 vic- York 1sts bounc3 2 1 0 7 in tory away at Leeds Trin 1sts ing back 6 2 0 1 3 Northumbria, from the 3 1 1 1 4 humiliatthe team Bradford 1sts N'umbria 2nds 3 3 1 0 2 were then on ing defeat Griffiths, Durham 2nds Hughes the end of a Goals: 3 1 0 2 3 to Leeds, 6-0 thump- Leeds 2nds 3 1 0 2 3 O’Shea ing by Leeds is confi1sts. With York starting dent for the season ahead back later than most uniand reamins convinced versities, it seemed clear that there is more to come that the side had not had from his new look side. enough time to learn to “I think we’ve filled play together as a team, most of the gaps from last with the new recruits in season but I’m still makparticular having a tough ing a few changes to get time. But since that defeat the best starting eleven,” there has been a visible he said. “But we’re starting improvement, with a win to settle well as a squad.”

26 SPORT

YORK VISION

AU RUNS OUT OF REFS AS HARASSMENT RISES

Tuesday November 6, 2007

COLLEGE FOOTBALL:

BY ALEX RICHMAN

FROM BACK PAGE more pressure than ever in college matches, and with under-qualified officials taking charge of matches that will only grow more important as the season wears on, the problem can only get worse.

College football has been pinpointed by both colleges and the AU as an area of concern.

HARASSED Recently, the University’s teams have taken part in matches where members of the opposition have been dismissed for abusive language; now the problem has emerged at college level, with referees facing constant mistreatment. Alcuin 1sts right back Seán Hodgk i n s o n revealed that disrespecting referees h a d become t h e norm.

“It’s shocking the stuff people are saying to referees.

They’re getting all this abuse when they’re refereeing our games in their free time.”

The AU will be keen to eradicate harassment of officials as it seeks to encourage more sporting students to not just take part in their own college matches, but help referee others.

STRUGGLING The odds appear to be against third-year Cowper-Johnson as she attempts to compensate for the loss of last year’s top refs.

Despite not being a sabbatical position, the role of Referee Co-ordinator demands a considerable time commitment and Cowper-Johnson has won praise from Jo Carter amongst others for her efforts at tackling such a heavy workload.

Attracting new referees is never an easy task, but the AU will be hoping to restore the ranks to a healthy level sooner rather than later.

As the winter sporting calendar becomes more congested Cowper-Johnson, who was unavailable for comment, may be forced to continue using unqualified officials for college matches for the foreseeable future.

All photos by Michael Brunsden

A LACK of experienced officials has caused the AU to recruit referees with not only no formal training, but a limited knowledge of sporting rules.

Vision learned that several college games had been officiated by last-minute replacement referees after a timetabling clash meant the original official was unable to meet the commitment.

The AU President has made assurances that the situation is merely part of a bumpy start for new Referee Co-ordinator Katie Cowper-Johnson; with many of the top referees from last year’s college championship having graduated at the end of the y e a r, C ow p e r Johns o n has encountered difficulties in her attempt to further increase the roster of college officials.

The revelation is a blow for college sport as it comes off the back of a year which not only secured a lucrative sponsorship with Deloitte, but provided the most exciting championship race for over a decade as Halifax held off the spirited challenge of holders Goodricke to claim their first ever inter-college victory.

Thankfully, college captains appear to be ready to ignore the refereeing crisis and continue as normal. Langwith College’s hockey captain Andy Herrington, whose team was one of several affected in recent days by the shortage, downplayed the effects on the competition: “I can honestly say that [our referees] seemed to have a good understanding of the rules. In my experience, college refereeing has never been lacking in its professionalism.”

Herrington admitted that last week’s match saw his side denied six goals, but was quick to point out that such decisions were usually evened out in the long run. However, his optimism may not be shared throughout the university.

Vision understands that referees are under

BY ROBERT ROMANS COLLEGE SPORT is a war of attrition; the main aim is to place your adopted college at the top of the college sport league table and to gain satisfaction, if not victory. Whilst it is a simple aim that college sports teams strive towards, it is not an easy thing to gain. College sport is competitive and is a road littered with pot holes which teams will fall down if they are not careful. Some say it is a sprint, others will say it is a marathon.

Put a sprinkling of resilience, endeavour and battle in to the cooking pot and allow it to simmer and a tough battle will be the result – that was certainly the case during Sunday’s college match between Alcuin and James.

The first half was an even affair; Alcuin evenly matched their opponents and it took time for both sides to make their mark. James’ persistency was rewarded in the final five minutes of the first half when they capitalised on

two Alcuin defensive errors to go 2-0 up. James’ captain Tristian Holdsworth’s sweet but scorching right-footed shot was placed beyond the despairing dive of Alcuin ‘keeper Myles Preston. A few minutes later, a bad afternoon at the office for Alcuin declined into a deeper state of despair when Jody Rolfe’s longrange shot dipped over Alcuin ‘keeper Preston into an empty net.

Despite taking the lead in the final five minutes of the firsthalf, James had failed to dominate the first-half. Both sides ultimately failed to impress and it took two defensive blunders from one side and clinical finishing from the other to get the game going.

Although Alcuin’s defensive naivety was the difference between both teams, Alcuin can take heart from a promising second half performance.

In the second half, Alcuin put their first half five minutes of madness

behind them and managed to get a grip on the game.

Alcuin’s attacking play grew in fluency and were solid defensively – James had to be on their guard in order to protect their priceless lead. Alcuin’s persistence was rewarded when Jack Crane – who had a solid game in defence for Alcuin – scored for Alcuin and gave them hope. However, at 2-1 down with little time left, it was too little and too late for Alcuin. Despite playing the ball on the ground for the majority of the game, Alcuin resorted to firing long-balls at their strikers as their desperation developed.

The second half Alcuin substitution of Henry Aylett for Ollie Webb gave Alcuin

fresh impetus. Ollie Webb impressed during his brief spell on the pitch as he freshened up a tiring midfield and offered fresh hope. James College continued to create chances during the second half, but failed to capitalise on their lucky five minute spell at the end of the first half; if anything, it was a case of “all hands on deck” as they attempted to quell any hopes Alcuin had of coming back into the match.

The James four-man defence held firm and offered leadership and goalkeeper Little offered a reassuring and dependable presence at the back. James held out for a 2-1 victory and maintained their good start to the season, which has witnessed an emphatic 5-2 victory against Wentworth College and a 42 victory against reigning college sport champions Halifax.

Alcuin player Henry Aylett admitted that the game was tough for his side, “It was evenly matched.

Unfortunately, we miss the presence of 1st team player Henry Smith in the centre of midfield. A sloppy five minutes from us meant we went 2-0 down in the last five minutes of the first half.”

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday November 6, 2007

JAMES 2 : 1 ALCUIN

JAMES CLAIM ALCUIN SCALP TO GO TOP back into the game during the second half.”

Holdsworth also paid tribute to his side’s start to the college football season, “We’ve got off to a good start and we’ve got good results in difficult games against Halifax and Wentworth.

We’ve done very well so far and have started the season in fine form – part i c u l a rl y in front of goal – and it would be nice to continue it.”

Both teams went into the tie unbeaten after the first two games of the competition.

However although James are currently top of the league with three wins out of three, Alcuin's previous victories came over giants Derwent and Halifax. James are yet to face their toughest opposition.

Tom Little Reassuring presence in goal Jordan Ford Defensive rock Matthew Smith Dealt easily with Alcuin's attack Andy Smith Watertight Joe Jenkinson Solid, no-nonsense display Stefan Potrelski Did well in the centre Tristan Holdsworth (STAR MAN) Led the side brilliantly David Williams Added steel to the midfield Carl Worrall Good when called upon Jody Rolfe Finished excellently for the 2nd goal Harry Collins Did the dirty work up front well

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BY ALIX ODGERS

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COLLEGE RUGBY TO RETURN?

7

A GRASSROOTS campaign has emerged as colleges attempt to bring a full 15-a-side rugby competition into the college sport calendar.

Last year saw the introduction of a Rugby Sevens one-day tournament which was a huge success. The level of participation was extremely high so

This new initiative is to be open to players of all standards, according to head coach Paul Guest: 'We want any standard of player whether you think you are Bryan Habana, or recovering from an injury and need a stepping stone to uni rugby, or you've only just found out rugby isn't played with a round

the campaign is hopeful that it will attract just as many people to take part in the 15-a-side competition.

The campaign is being spear headed by Alcuin college, who are eager for other colleges to show their support.

The first step is to set up friendlies against other colleges, with the long term aim being to set up a college league.

ball; we want you!'

The movement will get into motion on Friday when rugby 15a-side will have its first meeting. Anyone that is interested should definitely attend the meeting at 7 in Alcuin JCR as details such as when to train will be discussed.

Friday will also be an opportunity to meet the people involved.

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ALCUIN

Myles Preston Improved after a shaky first half Jack Crane Scored an excellent equaliser Laurie Swann Steady performer Dan Hyde Neat and tidy Henry Aylett Below his usual high standard Andrew Wakeford Played an important role in midfield Tom Stratton Will be disappointed Kit Edwards Strong presence in the centre Dan Cox Struggledtobreakpast James'defence Ed Murrills Grew in stature as the game wore on Ollie Webb (sub) Impressive cameo performance Parris Williams (sub) Struggled to impose himself

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Photo by Michael Brunsden

of midfield. A sloppy five minutes from us meant we went 2-0 down in the last five minutes of the first half.”

However, Aylett was happy with his side’s second half performance, “We managed to start playing the kind of free flowing football that saw us ease past Halifax a n d Derwent in our first two games.

We scored a nice goal, but it wasn’t enough”.

James Captain Tristian Holdsworth also thought that the game was a tough and praised his side’s resilience, “It was scrappy, but we got the job done. We scored two excellent goals and we were fantastic going forwards; our attacking play was excellent.

We were fantastically defensively and we needed to be as well because Alcuin came

PLAYER RATINGS JAMES

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Tuesday November 6, 2007

Issue 183

ROB MEETS BOB:

P23

EXCLUSIVE

BY ALEX RICHMAN A SHORTAGE of referees has led to unqualified officials taking charge of college matches despite not knowing their sport’s rules.

AU President Jo Carter exclusively revealed to Vision that a reduced roster of refs has meant that there have been occasions where volunteer officials have been double-booked, causing last-minute appointments with a less than comprehensive knowledge of the relevant sport.

Concerns have been raised that the credibility of Deloitte’s Inter-College Sport Championship is now in question, but Carter moved to defend Katie Cowper-Johnson, the AU’s new Referee Coordinator: “Katie’s been doing a stellar job, but there have been some teething problems.

There are a huge number of matches to allocate referees for, and a lot of qualified officials from last year have graduated which really left us short-handed.

“I think that Katie’s been overburdened these first few weeks.”

The AU relies on students volunteering to referee college matches. Currently, referees are encouraged to complete a formal qualification course which can be subsidised by the AU. Jo Carter has also backed calls for more respect to be shown to college football referees, with matches dogged by foul language and disrespect aimed at match officials, despite their role as volunteers.

“Football is certainly the main culprit,” said Carter. “No other sports seem to have any problems.”

FULL STORY: PAGE 26

> Officials taking charge despite not knowing the rules HALIFAX DENY GOODRI > Jo Carter: Referees Co-ordinator "overburdened"

Photo by Michael Brunsden

REFEREEING CRISIS ROCKS COLLEGE SPORT