Issue 184

Y T R E H O D

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ISSUE 184

YORK VISION scooped the top prize at the Guardian Student Media Awards – winning newspaper of the year.

Lucy Taylor won reporter of the year while Richard Webb took home student critic, adding to our incredible haul of FIVE nominations.

Meanwhile York University media left our over-funded rivals at Oxford sobbing into their pints as we claimed SIX of the thirteen awards.

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DETAILS PAGE 2

>SPORT

P23

GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

OFFICIAL: WE'RE THE BEST STUDENT PAPER IN BRITAIN!

SHAW www.yorkvision.co.uk

Tuesday December 4, 2007

CAMPUS BARS IN TURMOIL

LAST ORDERS

BY ANNA BEVAN AND JASMINE PHILLIPS

CAMPUS BARS face another round of catastrophic closures after another year of losses.

A key report set to challenge the viability of campus bars will be put to senior bosses in February as college bars hit crisis point.

Trade DOWN 8% Goodricke FORCED to take event off campus Halifax President EXPECTS JJ’s to close Newly elected Halifax President David Sharp declared: “The key issue for Halifax this year is the threat of JJ’s closing down.” College elections were dominated by concern for the future of campus bars.

FULL STORY PAGE 5

2NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

your week

STUDENT CYCLIST IN NEAR FATAL COLLISION

CYCLIST SMASH-UP

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

" Can you move him - I need to make the turn! " Bus driver to people aiding an injured cyclist

GOOD WEEK bad week

> STUDENT BREAKS ELBOW IN CRASH > "IF IT HAD BEEN MY HEAD I WOULD HAVE BEEN DEAD"

GOOD WEEK

Rosie Li

Finally declared OSA President after election mess-ups

BAD WEEK

Chlamydia

Welfare bid to stamp out STD's as part of YUSU SHAG week

BY JASMINE PHILLIPS

the number cruncher 50

22

Pounds worth of booze stolen under noses of Your:Shop staff Positions left unfilled on Halifax committee after elections

A POTENTIALLY FATAL collision has left a student cyclist hospitalised.

Richard Morton, a third-year Electronics undergraduate, was knocked down on Green Dykes Lane on his way back from campus.

The incident happened on Saturday lunchtime, after the driver of a silver Jaguar pulled in front of Morton at the junction

YORK VISION

into Thief Lane.

The third-year flipped over his handlebars and smashed into the front of the car. The windscreen shattered as his body impacted with the glass, and he was tossed into the road. The crash left him with a broken elbow on his right arm.

“He was thrown a long way in to the middle of the road”, recalled Jenny Coyle, a secondyear Vanbrugh student who witnessed the scene.

“He was screaming and rolling

around in pain”, said Coyle, “my gut instinct was to run to him and help”.

As the injured student lay in the road an FTR bus, on route to the city centre, turned into Thief Lane, and the driver was noted to have said, “Can you move him?

– I’ve got to make the turn”.

A friend shortly called an ambulance and the casualty was taken to York District Hospital, where he spent the night.

His elbow had to be pinned and plated with additional stitches and

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a cast. Shaken, but in good spirits, Morton said: “If it had been my head I would have been dead…I’ve been very lucky”.

Recollecting the incident, the Electronics undergraduate stated, “The driver basically didn’t see me, and whilst cycling at about 25mph, I had little opportunity to brake”.

Morton is now worried about the effect the crash will have on his studies; “I’ve got to have a permanent cast for six weeks after the stitches come out, but an exam on 7 January.”

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VISION PODCAST CHATS TOLES MB BABYSHAAVID AND D DIMBLEBY

with

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NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

OSA FORCED TO OVERTURN ELECTION AFTER ASTONISHING BUNGLES

WHOSE WIN IS IT ANYWAY? ntual Li: Eve

winner

Ariff: C

heated

1. BALLOTS MISCOUNTED 2. ARIFF DECLARED WINNER 3. CANDIDATES TIE IN RECOUNT 4. ELECTION RE-OPENED 5. LI TRIUMPHS

BY RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH

BY RICHARD BYRNE-SMITH INTERNATIONAL STUDENTS were left astounded earlier this term, as a number of baffling mishaps turned the election process to select the new Overseas Association (OSA) President into a comedy.

The Association, which represents the 2,558 international students on campus, held a paper ballot for the new committee in week 5, but a miscount and an incredible constitutional complication meant that the whole process had to be repeated a week later online.

After the ballot papers had been counted, presidential candidate Azlan Ariff was informed that he had won the election, only to be told a day later that he hadn’t.

Marco McAllister, former OSA

President said that the paper votes had been counted “in a rush”, and that he had become suspicious over the result of the election because “some of the margins were very small”, and consequently ordered a recount.

However, after the recount, both candiates were found, staggeringly, to have received exactly the same number of votes.

“We didn’t know what to do, because that situation isn’t covered by the OSA constitution”, said McAllister.

The committee decided to rerun the entire election online, to avoid any potential for human error, after which Ariff ’s opponent, Rosie Li, was declared the winner by 54 votes.

Ariff said he had toasted his original win with a “small celebra-

tion”, and was “disappointed” to be told that his success had fallen through.

“Something like this shouldn’t have happened in such a big organisation. How it was managed was wrong”, he said.

However, Ariff was keen not to draw attention away from Li’s eventual victory, saying he had “nothing against her”.

“She’s a very good candidate, and, at the end of the day, it’s just luck.”

Li said that despite the comedic cock-ups, “the entire process of both counting and election was absolutely transparent” with “every effort being made to try to achieve the best democracy”.

Despite this, Ariff drew attention to the inadequate arrangements in the run-up to the elec-

tions.

“The elections weren’t well publicised at all, and the hustings were in a really small room, meaning that very few people attended to hear our speeches”, he said.

Li also alluded to these organisational errors, saying that she “understood that there are still many problems, which the new committee will have to do its best to overcome.”

Outgoing president McAllister remained apologetic, insisting he was “really really sorry”.

“The whole thing should never have happened”, he said.

Representing the interests of all international students on campus, the OSA is the largest student organisation on campus after YUSU.

YUSU BLACK CARD SHOWDOWN

BY ANNA BEVAN

YUSU’S ATTEMPTS to avoid debate over their controversial ‘Black Card’ distribution has resulted in outrage by College Chairs.

Chairs were told that the exclusive VIP cards, which Vision previously revealed had been withheld from society chairs in favour of high-flying YUSU members, were to be discussed in only Exec – the SU's super-committee, where JCRC leaders are unable vote.

However, Goodricke Chair Ben Wardle proposed a motion to allow the issue to be discussed at the next Senate, in Week 10, so that College Chairs could prevent the “cliquey” distribution that has plagued YUSU this year.

Privileges from the highly sought-after cards, which were given to JCRC Chairs, Vice-Chairs and Treasurers, include free entry

into York clubs Toffs and Gallery, as well as entitling the bearer to queue-jump with a ‘plus one’.

Wardle expressed his anger saying: “Massive rewards were given out to people on my committee without my say. It really pissed me off.

Some people do a lot more than others, but aren’t recognised for it.”

YUSU President Anne-Marie Canning’s efforts to sideline the issue were prevented by Wardle’s insistence that, “decisions about distribution cannot be decided without the input of College Chairs.”

He argued that the current method is “unprofessional and has the potential to divide committees.”

Halifax President, Tim Day agreed with the Goodricke Chair, but said: “Too much has been made over the allocation of ‘Black Cards’.

People need to chill out.”

Wardle’s initial proposal, which he asked to be read out in his

ANIMAL RIGHTS FRIGHTS

BY EMILIE ROOHAN ANIMAL RIGHTS protestors have been targeting York students working at the ‘The Blue Bicycle’ restaurant in town.

Members of York Action for Animals (YAFA) are campaigning to stop foie gras from being a permanent feature on the restaurant’s menu.

Placards with slogans such as ‘Torture Victim’ written across them have been brandished at student workers in a bid to intimidate them as they enter the building Third year undergraduate Aisha Regan, who waitresses at the Fossgate restaurant, admitted feeling “uncomfortable” by the threatening tactics employed by protesters, and said other staff were "quite nervous".

“I don’t go to their place of work and make them feel insulted, so what gives them the right to come to mine?” she asked.

The ham hock and foie gras terrine, which features on both the lunch and dinner menus, is originally made from the liver of geese deliberately fattened through forcefeeding. YAFA describe this as “cruel, barbaric, and produced by torture”.

Regan questioned why the group were persecuting students and said that, “I don’t particularly agree with foie gras, but it’s the chefs that create the menu, not me.”

Student workers have been warned by police of the pending “region-wide weekend of action” planned by YAFA, which protesters insist will “show ‘The Blue Bicycle’ that we mean business – we will not let this issue drop".

ASBESTOFF

BY LAUREN KELLY

shh! absence, was not followedthrough, however his subsequent bid was successful.

Despite attempts to contact her, vailAnne-Marie Canning was unavailable for comment this weekend.

3

h Whic ge Colle was Chair to bored in tears eek's last w e?

Senat

CONCERNS OVER asbestos levels in University buildings have been reawakened this week as students were shocked to find out that the majority of campus is riddled with the cancer-causing insulation.

Tom Fleming of the Health and Safety department revealed that “the buildings constructed from the start of the University up through the 1990s have very large amounts of asbestos in their fire partitions, pipes, pillars, bath panels, and even floor tiles.”

Run-ins with the fibrous material can be harmless, but asbestos has been known to be a major agent in the development of various forms of lung cancer.

One concerned student said that, “the University should be doing more to ensure the health and safety of its students.”

Contamination, Fleming points out, is avoidable as long as the structure containing the asbestos is maintained. Students are encouraged to contact the Health and Safety department immediately if they notice any punctures in such structures.

4NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

YORK GRIEVES STUDENT DEATH

BY TOM SHELDRICK

THE TRAGIC DEATH of a Vanbrugh student last week has left the unviversity in mourning.

Laura Gerstel, a 20 year-old third-year student, was discovered in the early hours of last Monday morning at her term-time residence on Fulford Road.

A police inquest into the case has revealed that she took her own life.

Laura, who was originally from North Berwick in Scotland, was in her third year studying Biochemistry and was said to be on track for a first-class honours degree.

In a statement released last

week the University said: “We are greatly saddened by the tragic death of Laura Gerstel. Our thoughts are with her family at this extremely distressing time. The University is offering support to her friends here.”

Her Supervisor, Dr Jim Hoggett, added: “Laura was an enthusiastic and bright student who was a pleasure to teach. She was very popular with staff and her fellow students and she will be much missed.”

Provost Dr. Allen Warren emailed all Vanbrugh third-years on Monday to inform them of the news.

In the email he said: “As many of you will already know, a third-year Vanbrugh student died early this morning. If you were a friend of the student concerned and would like

Welfare advice on campus Grace Fletcher Hall - YUSU Academic and Welfare I think the best thing about the welfare system at York is that students have so many options for people to go to if they need help - from college tutors to JCRC welfare officers to supervisors to YUSU to Nightline to the Health Centre to the Counselling Service I would encourage students who are suffering from depression, or who are under too much stress, or are struggling with any problem, to seek help from any of the above - and I would particularly encourage friends of those suffering from depression to seek help as well, as this condition can put a lot of pressure on people’s support networks.

to talk to either Vanbrugh Chair, Ryan Bennett, or myself, do get in touch.”

Laura is the third student fatality in just over a year, with Robert Davies’ body discovered in the River Ouse at the beginning of October, and Robert Ailwood’s death a year previously.

Laura’s funeral will be on Thursday 6 December at North Berwick. A coach is leaving the University around 9.30am, and anyone wishing to attend is urged to contact Bennett (rjb505@york. ac.uk) or College Administrator Georgina Heath (gjh4@york. ac.uk).

A memorial service will also be held in York at a later date.

Nightline co-ordinator Nightline is not an advisory service but all our volunteers are thoroughly trained listeners, who will give students the time and space to explore any issues they may have. However, we do hold reams of information and resources that can point students in the direction of specialist help.

In the case of depression and/or suicidality, Nightline is ready to listen to students express their feelings in a safe and confidential environment.

A student feeling depressed may find the assistance of charities such as Mind, Papyrus, Samaritans, Sane and Calm (male-specific) helpful – the websites and contact details of which can be found in a quick websearch or by contacting Nightline.

We would, of course, never force students to look beyond our own service. We are always there to listen all night, every night of term.

Nightline is open from 8pm-8am and can be contacted in three ways: * by telephone on 01904 433735 (or 3735 from campus phones) * by visiting our flat which is located in Goodricke D Block (at the Wentworth end of the Goodricke-Wentworth Bridge) * by email at nightmail@york.ac.uk

COLLEGE ELECTION CHAOS Marred by confusion, apathy and a flawed online-ballot, Tom Sheldrick reports on the campus crisis of democracy.

TH LANGWI HUGE FLAWS in YUSU’s online election system have forced Langwith JCRC to re-open voting for three positions on its 2008 committee.

Although the majority of results were announced on Saturday night, the closely-contested positions of Press & Publicity, RAG and Eco. Rep were left undecided as a large number of students complained of faults on the YUSU website preventing them from voting.

Sarah Calver, Langwith ViceChair and Returning Officer in charge of Elections, complained: “people wanted to vote and couldn’t.”

YUSU’s “Vote Now” application for College JCRC elections, which was created by YUSU's Services Supremo, Matt Burton, told many Langwith students: “sorry there are no positions you can vote on” or prevented them from logging-in at all.

Burton told Vision: "The problem was specific to Langwith and

was corrected as soon as the affected persons contacted me."

"I received no further complaints about the system after this communique, and hundreds did vote successfully in the Langwith elections. I have had had no reported issues in the other elections, which were all based on the same system," he said.

A paper ballot will now be held in Langwith JCR between Monday and Wednesday Week 9 to elect the remaining JCRC representatives.

YUSU’s cock-up comes only seven months after University administration errors denied over 50 students the ability to vote in local council elections in May. Voting was only open between Wednesday and Friday Week 8, meaning students’ complaints came too late to rectify the issue, as a large number only mentioned their difficulties after initial voting had finished.

Calver said: “The positions were so closely contested – less than 1% between the P & P candidates – that the extra votes would have made a difference, so we’ve had to re-start the voting from scratch.”

Freshers who have transferred from Vanbrugh to Langwith were

HALIFAX

also unable to vote, as the university's student database had not been updated for over six weeks.

Meanwhile, Zach Pepper avoided being ‘RONned’ to be announced as Langwith’s next Chair, whilst Fresher Saad Siddiqi, who spent his first week of university life in a Holiday Inn, beat two second years to the position of Treasurer.

HALIFAX'S STUDENT committee is in turmoil before it has even begun its tenure.

Only eight of the committee’s 30 positions had candidates standing, leaving 22 other roles unoccupied.

The absence of key committee members, including a Secretary and up to four Bar Officers, will surely harm the HCSA’s attempts to revive the struggling college bar JJ’s.

Outgoing President Tim Day said: “My major concern is that we shall have no Bar Officers to run the bar quiz at the start of term, or RAG officers to co-ordinate the RAG Raid.”

Speculating on the reasons for such apathy, Day said: “This year’s committee was made up by a lot of third and fourth years who graduated this summer. Also, the col-

lege’s housing structure does not aid the creation of a united community, meaning a disappointing number of first-years havestood for election.”

David Sharp, who held off competition from Lee Arden to be announced as Chair of the largest college on campus on Sunday night, (with a majority of 41) pointed towards poor advertising for the elections. “I don't think it was made clear, especially to Freshers, what the individual positions were - what does ‘Bar Officer’ mean?”

Although the number of positions filled at these initial elections is significantly lower than in previous years, both remained optimistic looking forward to the by-elections planned for Week 2 of next term.

Sharp said: “I’m not worried, I think that a lot of people who lost in contested positions will stand again in January. Hopefully the byelections will go better than these ones did.”

YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday December 4, 2007

FURTHER CUTS FEARED IN NEW CAMPUS BAR REPORT

TIME AT THE BAR?

5

HOT OR NOT BAR-OMETER

ALCUIN

66%

Alcuin have bucked the downward trend in campus bar sales by INCREASING revenue 66%. Louis Wihl and JCR team leave their tenure on a high after their successful relaunch of Alcuin as a cocktail bar

BURTON > GOODRICKE QUITS 'RIP OFF' CAMPUS

BY ANNA BEVAN AND JASMINE PHILLIPS CAMPUS BARS are under threat once again as their declining sales prompts a University wide review into their viability.

The key report, which was commissioned by the former Deputy Vice Chancellor Felicity Riddy, comes out early next year and will determine which colleges are to face further cut backs. The individual performance of each bar will be scrutinised, looking at customer attendance and financial profit.

The report comes two years after the university forced a swathe of bar closures despite a campus-wide student campaign.

Catering and Bars Manager, Phil Kember is in charge of putting to-

gether the report that could dramatically alter the social side of campus life. Kember has admitted that “The bars are under a University wide review”, but insisted that “all bars will remain open” until the Bar Strategy Group has made their decision based on the findings of the February 2008 report.

Vanbrugh Chair Ryan Bennett predicted that Halifax would be “worst off ”, and has stressed the importance of promoting campus events as a way of increasing the revenue of college bars.

However, in a move that will undermine college bar McQs campus events are being forced off campus

by JCRCs struggling to meet the costs of hiring out University facilities. Goodricke College last week voted to move its Week 9 event off University ground to Nexus in a bid

to urge YUSU Services and Finances Officer, Matt Burton, to lower Ents Tech fees for colleges.

Ents Tech is an internal organisation run by YUSU that provides lighting, PA systems and sound engineering for campus events. Burton stressed the value of the service, emphasising that “our prices have not increased this year in line with inflation”. Wardle agreed that they are cheaper than hiring out external companies, but added “Ents Tech still make a lot of money that is channelled back into all things YUSU.” The Goodricke Chair said, “I would rather keep people on campus, but don’t think I have a choice”. Whilst the exact figures are not known, it has been estimated that campus bar sales are down 8% - implying that students are drinking elsewhere.

Surprisingly, Alcuin College, who

suffered the worst cutbacks following the Barcotts of 2006, have seen a 66% rise in revenue. Although the University has refused to speculate on the outcome of the review, it has already proposed alternative plans for Halifax Bar JJ’s. The University said: “If the bar were to be closed the College Council favours turning the area into a social space into which students could bring their own food and drink.

YUSU's Matt Burton blames a national decline in student drinking for the most recent threat to the viability of campus venues, but is waiting for the Kember report to be published before announcing action on the predicted changes,

DERWENT LEAVES CHARITIES WAITING FOR CASH SIX MONTHS AFTER EVENT.

BY EMILY FAIRBAIRN

BIG SWINDLE

DERWENT JCRC have deprived Nightline of their share in the money promised to them from the proceeds made at Big D. So far Nightline has been waiting six months for the funds they are owed and are still without an arranged date of payment.

Big D was one of campus’s biggest and highest earning club events of last term featuring Lil’ Chris and Boyd from Neighbours.

Derwent proclaimed that all the profits from the night were to be shared out amongst their ‘ChariD’ causes of Nightline, Stop Aids and Link.

As a group run by student volunteers Nightline is in constant need of funding to continue providing its confidential listening

YUSU Services Officer Matt Burton is charged with turning around ailing college bars. Burton has come under fire for the high cost of 'Ents Tech' DJ equipment, which he BLASTED as Goodricke chair, buying the college its own equipment.

His promised student venue in the city centre is 'on its way'.

shh

!

W s p h i Pr o r c h got e s i d t s t a k ca e n t l e a i n g ught Go k a Col o d r i o n leg ck e? e

and information service to other students. The organisation is yet to see any of their much needed money, despite it being raised in June. Vice Chair of Derwent, Liam Baker, who was responsible for the event, refused to comment on the allegations.

“Derwent have been slow”, admits a Nightline spokeswoman, but the service is reluctant to speak out forcefully against the college, saying they are keen to keep good relations with Derwent in the hope of some day seeing the cash.

Katie Hardman, the Stop Aids president, admitted that they are also without their payment but said, “We understand that counting money for these events is a long process and are happy to wait.”

6NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

WE SCOOP TOP MEDIA GONG FOUR YEARS OUT OF SIX Photo by Teri Pengilley

student press We read them... ...so you don't have to Love Bites

Bum deal for cunning tramp Manchester’s Student Direct notes A Sheffield student is recovering after having his nipple bitten off at a house party.

Sheffield Steel writes that the third year was assualted at a private event after an unknown middleaged man stormed into the house, and punched two female students.

Brave Eddie Leighton wrestled the assailant into the street, but then “I could see the skin dangling from my chest and I knew immediately my nipple was gone.”

Attempts to find the missing piece of flesh came to nothing.

Police fear it may have been swallowed.

Ballot Burgers A range of food and drink is being used by Leeds SU in an attempt to get students involved in politics.

It's hoped that promotional cocktails, beer and burgers will entice students to take part in an upcoming referendum.

But Leeds Student says it’s been criticised as style over substance just as most students don’t want to know what goes in their burgers, few care what the referendum the junk food represents is about.

Tramp's Bum Deal Manchester’s Student Direct notes that a tramp and his dog have spent the night in student halls - without students noticing.

Despite somehow working his way round a secure entry system, the luckless hobo, described by a resident as looking “harmless enough, a bit crazy I guess,” was escorted from the digs in the morning.

VISION WIN NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

BY ROB HARRIS AND JON BENTHAM YORKVISION WAS crowned Newspaper of the Year at the Guardian Student Media Awards, with the university claiming SIX of the thirteen awards.

The awards were judged by the nation’s top editors – with both the Editor of The Guardian and The Mirror deciding the newspaper category.

Former BBC Director General and current Chancellor Greg Dyke told Vision “Its an excellent achieve-

home Reporter of the Year for her interview with a rape victim. She said, “It wasn’t really our story, we had followed the trial. I spoke to her after in quite a bit of detail. I sat in the public gallery, not the press gallery, and spoke to her family during the trial. I guess she just thought she could trust me.”

Richard Webb won critic of the year while former Nouse editor Heidi Blake won three awards, including Journalist of the Year.

The result marks resurgence of York Vision, and now means we’ve won the top prize FOUR times in the last SIX years – cementing our position as the UK’s most success-

ful student newspaper.

Fellow editor Adam Thorn was nominated for reporter of the year while Darius Austin was nominated for sports writer.

Nouse’s website came runner up in the website of the year category. Former Vision editor Daniel Ashby’s website “the yorker” produced the incredible feat of receiving a nomination – during its test launch.

Former Nouse feature writer Jo Shelly received a nomination for diversity writer while Adam Sloan was shortlisted for travel writer of the year.

T R O F M O C N E L STO

Because They're Worth It Oxford University’s £40,000 rebranding exercise has been labelled niave - by its own ‘L’Oreal Professor of Marketing’.

Oxford’s Cherwell reports that Professor Douglas Holt said the use of the money was “trivial”.

“To think that a modest tweaking of the visual identity system will have a significant impact on how people perceive Oxford would be naive”, said the don, his hair glistening beautifully in the breeze.

> £50 BOOZE SNATCHED FROM BEHIND YOUR:SHOP COUNTER

BY JASMINE PHILLIPS

Naked Dreaming Student employees of Exeter's M5 Travelodge are to take lessons in how to deal with naked sleepwalkers, reports Exepose.

A seven-fold increase in starkers somnambulation has been recorded at the hotel.

But the manager has now told the Exeter student newspaper that they are now “prepared for every eventuality”. However he was unwilling to reveal any details of the tactics.

Perhaps unsurprisingly most of the sleepwalkers were male.

Andrew Latham

ment – for York to get six awards just goes to show it is leading the field in student journalism.”

Winning co-editor Adam Thorn said: “It’s a tribute to the hard work and dedication of so many people at Vision last year. Particular congratulations have to go out to the new section editors that started during the last term – who were thrown in the deep end and responded by producing work of an outstanding standard. It’s a great day for York University as a whole and is incredible when you consider how many of our rivals receive massive funding.”

Individually, Lucy Taylor took

Photo by Tom Hole

ALCOHOL THEIVES have been operating under the noses of Your:Shop staff.

A shoplifter was caught on the shop’s CCTV cameras earlier this term stealing from the liquor shelves on multiple occasions.

The alcohol was taken from directly behind the staff counter during the peak hours of 12 and 2 o’clock when the workers were busy and distracted.

Over the past month more than £50 worth of booze was stolen including bottles of Champagne and Southern Comfort.

A student who cannot be named for legal reasons described an incident which occured whilst he was in the store.

“He came in and just took a

bottle of Southern Comfort from behind me”.

The surprised witness went on to explain how none of the employees working at the time saw the theft, as they were focussed on serving customers at the till. It is believed unlikely that the thief was a student.

A former Your:Shop worker left the YUSU-owned establishment, after she felt threatened by the incidents. “I didn’t feel safe working there with just two people on duty at a time and no security nearby”.

Matt Burton, YUSU's sabb responsible for the store said: "Shops are always targets for thefts and we are no different. We take security very seriously and staff are briefed about security procedures in the shop."

YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday December 4, 2007

CELEBRITY CHILD-CARER FAKED YORK DEGREE

MRS DOUBT-FIRED LIE

GOT A DEGREE FROM YORK

BABIES LEFT TO CRY FOR HOURS ON END

LIE

CRUEL

REQUESTED BY PRIME MINISTER

INFANTS LEFT OUTSIDE 'TO AIR' ON TV

CRUEL

TRUTH FORMER N. YORKS NIGHTCLUB BOSS

BY EMILY HODGES A FRAUDULENT TV nanny lied about having a degree from York to boost her credentials.

The celebrity child-carer, Claire Verity, appeared in Channel 4’s recent programme ‘Bringing Up Baby’, where she deceived parents, viewers, and producers with a falsified CV. She has since been told not to attend events by sponsors Tommee Tippee.

An investigation by The Times discovered that despite claiming

to have 24 years experience, Verity made-up her maternity nurse and childcare qualifications as well as claiming to have a Business Studies degree from York University.

Not offering degrees in Business Studies, the University denies the assertions of this impostor, saying, “We could find no trace of Claire Verity ever having graduated from the University of York.”

The awards bodies Aset and Maternity Nurse Training have also found no evidence of the nanny having studied with them. She has since been retitled ‘maternity con-

EDUCATING THE EDUCATORS

sultant’ rather than ‘nurse’ by the programme.

Verity has sparked hundreds of complaints from angry parents and experts for her televised ‘cruel’ methods, which it is claimed, can cause brain damage in infants. Babies are left to cry and are put outside for several hours “to air”. The NSPCC has described her barbaric methods as “outdated and potentially harmful”. Since the programme aired earlier this autumn, there has been a backlash against the fraudulent nanny, and she has received death threats.

York has been quick to distance itself from its supposed alumnus, saying: “It is disappointing that the University’s name should have been used in this way”.

It is not just York and the public that has been duped.

Verity deceived a host of famous clients including Sting and Mick Jagger, charging up to £1,000 a day for her services.

TOFFS OFF

PLANS HAVE been announced in the Houses of Parliament for the establishment of a new developmental education research centre in York.

Revealed at the State Opening of Parliament on 6th November, the Institute for Effective Education (IEE) will work alongside the University’s existing research centres to apply practical concerns to the development of educational policy as well as trialing new and experimental educational procedure.

Billed on their website as ‘What Works in Learning and Teaching and Why,’ the primary concern of the IEE will be to apply developmental research in education to a practical form.

Its research will centre on the success and relevance of educational programmes and practices, as well as producing comprehensive reviews of contemporary systems in education. Its aim is to persuade those in charge of educational policy to consider evidence-based programmes such as their own more fully.

The institute will be led by Professor Robert Slavin, former Director of the Centre for Research and Reform in Education (CRRE) at the prestigious Johns Hopkins University.

Slavin was the founder of the ‘Success for All’ reform programme, setting academic standards in highpoverty American schools by the concepts of what children should know and what they are capable of knowing. He will join former Secretary of State for Education, Baroness Estelle Morris, who will chair the IEE’s strategy board.

The project was made possible by an £11million grant by the Bowland Charitable Trust. The trust was set up primarily to fund educational projects, and will have a hand in deciding the IEE’s board members as well as their Chair.

The extent of the grant and the recruitment of both Slavin and Morris have given the project high hopes. The IEE hopes to become a leading world resource on the topic of practical educational research, and to attract international attention when it comes to fruition next year.

NOT FOR ME

BY EMILY FAIRBAIRN CHLAMYDIA TESTS have been undertaken by Alcuin and Langwith JCRCs, as part of YUSU’s push to promote sexual awareness across campus.

Alcuin Welfare Vice-Chair, Rosh Mehta, said that her committee wanted to “detach the stigma about getting tested and show how easy it is to get checked.”

Welfare candidates for both colleges were challenged at hustings to get as many students screened as possible.

The welfare campaign was run as part of YUSU’s Sexual Health and Guidance (SHAG) week, which aimed to increase the numbers of students being screened for STDs and publicise the effects of leaving infections such as Chlamydia untreated.

YUSU’s Academic and Welfare Officer, Grace Fletcher-Hall, urged students to collect testing kits from the SU office: “ ‘I’d encourage absolutely everyone to get tested because one in ten people under 25yrs of age have Chlamydia but, as there aren’t always symptoms, 60% of those who have it aren’t aware."

shh! h Whic s sport dent Presi ught got cag a takin n leak oricke Good ge?

Colle

40th BIRTHDAY BASH

BY DAN HEWITT

LANDMARK FACILITY TO BE BUILT IN YORK

BY RACHEL SYKES

STD?..

7

CLUB TO UNDERGO REFURBISHMENT

BY ANDREW LATHAM TOFFS NIGHTCLUB will close for a massive refurbishment in the New Year.

The club looks set to shut for at least a month from March, and will be rebranded as Lava/Ignite in a move that parent company Luminar hopes will revitalise the fortunes of the ailing Tofts Green club.

Dwindling numbers of drunken students have been seen at the venue in the past few months, with one employee, who did not want to be named, saying ‘We’re now second place - the Thursday crowd is really unpredictable, we just get Gallery’s overflow’.

As a cost saving measure, Kinki: Indie, previously a student favourite on Thursdays, has been axed.

The Lava/Ignite brand will retain the two room feel of the club but with better sound and lighting.

Other venues in the same brand include Basildon, Coventry and Preston.

Dan Ports, Toffs general manager said, “we’re still looking at plans, but major structural work may take place”. This will increase the cost and time of the redevelopment.

Though plans were only revealed to staff last week, some are already sceptical about the scope of the renovation.

Nexus’ plans for expansion into a 2,000 capacity superclub fell foul of licensing magistrates in the summer with no further plans submitted. The eagerly awaited redevelopment of the Barbican is at least ten months behind schedule.

40th BIRTHDAY PLANS have been unveiled by colleges all set to welcome back a host of alumni for a weekend of celebrations.

Vanbrugh Chair, Ryan Bennett, revealed that his college was planning the “biggest event on campus” with five different music rooms, fairground rides and ferris wheels.

The unique ‘Planet V’ will take place next June and marks the end of Dr. Allen Warren’s 24-year post as Vanbrugh Provost.

Goodricke and Alcuin College who reach their 40-year milestone the following year, have also been exclusively revealing their plans.

Goodricke Chair Ben Wardle disclosed that his college’s celebrations will coincide with the 2009 Roses Tournament hosted by the University and will feature current sports teams competing against Goodricke Alumni.

Wardle highlighted the need for a “well-structured Alumni system, which for too long York University has failed to achieve”.

Alcuin Provost Tony Ward said that their birthday revelry, which will include weekend activities in both Easter and summer terms, “will be timed to coincide with the Summer College Ball.”

All three colleges hope to unite students both past and present, and supersede the celebrations of Langwith and Derwent who celebrated their 40th year in 2005.

8COMMENT

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

COLUMNS THIS ISSUE

"Never trust a person who does not like/ drink tea..." > Pg 11 "... a sure fire way to make gift giving miserable.." > Pg 11

THE VOICE OF

Time at the bar

O

nce again campus bars are under threat.

But it is not just drinking holes that could be killed off in the New Year, but college life altogether. Further cuts will only add to the confusion surrounding where you can get a quick pint and relax. The system is baffling enough already.

B

ut bars are also the focus for campus nightlife. YUSU should be ashamed that the costings for Entstech are driving events off campus; further restricting the role of colleges to that of mere dormitory blocks for students.

With no college comradre, why bother with college sport, or college student action, or RAG? Students will never forget how to drink, but at this rate they won't remember Halifax, Goodricke or Langwith in the morning.

Spirit is more than Vodka or Gin, but without these vital lubricants to the college system, campus life will only suffer further.

Piss up at a brewery

C

ollege elections are supposed to give students a voice and hope for change in an overly bereaucratic University. But the most recent results reveal that this facet of campus life is little more than farce. Students cannot reasonably be expected to put their faith in a system that doesn't deliver the correct results and on time, or which disenfranchises them from engaging with the issues they care about. It is therefore small wonder that turnouts for big issues such as the recent NUS referendum are little more than ten per cent.

I

f something isn't broken, don't fix it. Well publicised, clear paper ballots should be easy to run, as long as the returning officers are capable of counting.

Democracy is vital. What is the point in subscribing to a democratic system when it is mismanaged, ignored or a technical joke?

Saying what no-one else will...

Richard Byrne-Smith A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT: International students and me

U

niversity has been nothing like I expected. How many of us, for example, anticipated (hoped for) wild parties every night, all night? I did; they didn’t materialise. Instead, I had to debauch myself for my entire first year around the glamorously primary-school-esque interior of Goodricke Dining Hall.

Skins it was not.

But that was not, believe it or not, my biggest disappointment.

No, I was expecting some beauty on campus. Not your average goodlooking prom queen, but that most talked-about yet elusive university necessity – the international student.

I was expecting some fit friends, excuses to visit exotic locations, and, perhaps most importantly, food nicer than anything I could make in even the wildest of my daydreams.

They turned out to be nothing more than fruitless fantasies.

It would be no exaggeration to say that I didn’t meet a single nonBritish student in my first year. At first I didn’t really notice – I was comfortable and indifferent. And, as an eager fresher, I had enough claustrophobic block politics and all-night conversations to keep my mind away from the issue.

But as time progressed, I became angry – actually, furious – that this opportunity had been denied me. I am happy to accept that we are all ultimately responsible for the friends we make – or don’t, as the case is here – but I refuse to acknowledge that this deprivation was entirely down to my inept friendmaking ability.

Bearing in mind that a staggering 20% of students at York are international, an average of one in

five people I have come into contact with over the course of my university career should have been from overseas. This assump-

ployment of the R-word callous at worse, and offensive at best.

I don’t intend to launch into an outdated tirade against our wordy rival, but rather to emphasise the misunderstandings prevalent at the more disconnected level of campus commentary.

Integration is – so clearly – the key.

With international students – who are paying massive fees, don’t forget – flung disproportionately into the nicer corners of campus, opportunities for integration are, in some cases, nearly impossible.

How on earth can we expect a varied friend-base when the people are meet are unbelievably similar?

Our first year on campus is the key – throw us all together and we can establish the habits required to continue our worldwide education for the rest of our time at university.

Meeting people from round the world is supposed to be part of the university experience – perhaps the only time we will ever have it. So is it greedy of me to want it so badly?

But don’t think it’s all down to university room-allotment.

I now live with an international student, and recently, when discussing why the massive OSA election story (page 3) hadn’t been reported until now, he came out with an offhand, but insightful remark. “Noone cares”, he said. Yes, despite an issue of Nouse and a 24-hour Yorker news service, eager hacks had failed to notice an astonishingly important story affecting so many students.

Attitudes towards the entire issue must change across the board if we really want a dynamic, interesting, and integrated campus. Especially if tasty food is involved.

Curry: the benefits of having international friends. tion continues to be decidedly untrue.

What has gone so badly wrong?

If they’ll forgive me for raking it up again, second and third years may remember the pompous, self-indulgent media battle of last summer, where Nouse created a front page in response to – they said – a sensationalist international-student-centred front page story of Vision’s own.

With a headline asking us ‘Are we a racist university?’, Nouse attempted to examine the seemingly non-existent relationship between home and overseas students.

A sketchy survey revealed that 49% of international students felt ‘excluded by British students’, while 30% had experienced ‘what they considered to be racist attitudes’. The participants can speak for themselves, but I found the em-

We spend something like 30 years of our life asleep. An d for what?

A bit of poxy cell-re generation.

Apparantly this is crucial to brain activity. I beg to differ.

Dolphins manage awake their whole life to stay , by letting half of their brain sle ep at a time.

If dolphins, whose on ly ment is swimming aro achieveund a bor-

IN CELEBRATION

OF:

INSOMNIA ing ocean all day, can manage this amazing feat of evolution, then why can't we?

Surely, we all have our best moments when we 're slightly

weary – writing ou r best essays at 4am, for exa mple. And Faithless – who ded icated a song to the subjec t – wrote the best lyric of all time when sleep deprived (alleg edly). (...'Tearing off tights wi teeth", if you're intere th my sted.)

YORK VISION Tuesday, November 6 2007

Iain Withers Richard Byrne-Smith Scene Editor: Loulla-Mae Eleftheriou-Smith Deputy Editor: Andrew Latham Editors:

Management Editor: Toby Scarisbrick Deputy Management: Saffron Palmer Matt Kirman

Head of IT: News Editors: Deputy News:

Anna Bevan Jasmine Phillips Daniel Hewitt Tom Sheldrick

Comment Editor: Deputy Comment: Cartoonist:

Louise Hardie Zach Gauge John Sharp

Features Editor: Deputy Features:

Sian Rowe Joe Burnham Mike Sims

Social Sec: Lifestyle Editor: Sarah Stretton Deputy Lifestyle: Hannah O'Shea Catherine Moore

Alex Papushoy Juliet Burns

Photo Editor: Deputy Photo:

Andrew Latham

Web Editor: Facebook Editors:

Style Editor: Deputy Style:

Katie Jackson Kate Reeves

Food and Drink: Lydia Mills Deputy F&D: Carina Topham Travel Editor: Andy McGrath Deputy Travel: Hannah Headden Sally Makaruk Sports Editors: Deputy Sports:

Lauren Cockbill Alex Richman Emma Barrow Rob Romans

James Watson Matt Kirman Iain Withers

Call us: 01904 433720 www.yorkvision.co.uk Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2007.

Printed by York & County Press.

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday December 4, 2007

LETTERS

Write to us: Vision Letters, Grimston House Email us: editor@yorkvision.co.uk

Dear Vision

rivileges P d e r u s a e Tr portrayal el that this re

fe s is misrep of cliquenestruth. Perhaps senting the o be pointed ls ou unfairly y at th it should a head of YUM, el fe I do m at me, the is at ic th it t cr u o d in directe sity of York rrent exec, the Univer p, receives a and the cu referring to u ro g Media embers your article rd distribulike other m the black ca ction – who’s card nate – someone se of se tion in the have a black be a Vision I ? who used to em got th s a w I ause Editor. card not bec t last year en d si re P U S I am this Rich Croker but becausereasurer. The T U year's A rer has had AU Treasu card since I a privilege ere and thus I h have been

n, Dear Visio

9

No Free Spee ch?

In our list of card-holders, we were attempting to draw attention to tangible, well-known campus figures who possessed privilege cards. While we realise that your position as an ex-President isn't the reason you hold a card, we were nonetheless trying to question the validity of the cards' distribution.

The debate c ontinues...

Dear Vision,

I find it iron ic considerin g the amount of pr essure that is put on stud ents to prev ent fire alar ms goin g off by acci dent that on five occasions in L block of James Col lege the fire alar m has gone off due to techni cal problems. O n each occa sions the fire engines have had to come to the universi ty. As they po inted out at our ex hilerating fi re talks at the start of term, Yo Vision too sh rk only ares your conc has two wor erns about th of fire alarm king fire en s continually e dangers gi going off and particular ca nes and ever finds this se ytime worrying. Fi of a broken fire alarm es pecially re important th safety is no laughing mat at te this unfortun the university endeavours r, and it is ate situtation to rectify as soon as po ssible.

an alar m is triggered at the university they are both requ ired to go. Surely before they start lecturing pe ople on the dangers of showerin g with the do or open they should make sure th eir own equipm ent is functi oning properly!

Rachel Roone

MUCKRAKER

speech. I wou ld have thou ght by putting th em infront of an intelligent group of pe ople they would be made to look as ridiculous as their righ wing opinio t ns actually are.

Protesting ag ainst it only appears to ha ve accompl ished two things a) more pu blic attention fo r the BNP an d b) showing that people are un able to acce pt that we live in a countr y which en titles you to the fr eedom to ex press your opinio n. I am plea sed to lear n that th e York deba ting society agre ed with this view emphasizin g what I al ready knew – that York is esse ntially a better university than Oxford!

To add to th e debate on Nick Griffin and David Irvine find it ridi I culous that in a democratic nation which has had a bill of rights since 1689 that some of the most inte lli gent studen ts in the coun try (outside of York) are es sentially protes ting against free

Zachary Gau ge

y

Union's cussion on the Oxford The current national dis remely knotty ext is ak spe to P BN decision to allow the . However, be treated with caution – and, as such, should timents sen the h wit y irel ees ent n of the Vision obviously disagr sio cus dis any t feels tha behind BNP policies, and these sentiments in mind. h wit de party should be ma

“After years of hiding in Baghdad, former Iraqi head of communications “Comical Ali” takes a new job as press officer for the NUS”

ADAM THORN: GUARDIAN REPORTER OF THE YEAR NOMINEE

Q

UICK, They’re coming.

Somebody blockade the doors! Border up the windows! Phone the police! What do you mean who? Them. They’re coming and they’re going to eat your souls. They’re called the Warriors of God, they’re on campus and they’re going to hand you a leaflet. A bloody leaflet. WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN. Of course I’m talking about religious cults on campus. There isn’t a media outlet in York that hasn’t waded in to bring us information on the biggest non-event of the term. You know it’s a slow news day when the cults are brought out to play. According to this very newspaper they’re a “cohesive campus force”, Nouse calls them a “fundamentalist splinter group” while The Yorker reveals that they are “setting up a base in the city”.

Fuck me, we’re all doomed.

Just to recap, some religious types, be they Scientologists, be they the Lords army, have been handing out leaflets and talking to people on campus. But am I the only one who couldn’t give a shit?

York is meant to be a top ten university so isn’t it up to the individual to make the choice of whether or not to talk to these so-called nutters? If you don’t like what they say, tell them to piss off. I’m constantly telling people to piss off and its not done me any harm at all…

Maybe my attitude is irresponsible. The members of the cult, or “the recruiters” as they have been

shadily termed, apparently have powers of persuasion akin to that of the Jedi. One “source” involved in one of the articles said that the passages they quote are: “persuasive in themselves”. Good Christ.

So let’s get to the facts. The ‘cult’ which has caused such a stir is the International Church of Christ, an evangelical group started in LA that are reported to have around 115,000 members world-wide. Their message is fairly simple: if you don’t live by the teaching of the bible, you go to hell. Maybe I’m missing something here, but isn’t that the entire point of religion? What supposedly makes this lot different is the way they try to run the lives of their members, with many followers persuaded to give away huge amounts of money and ditch their non-believing friends.

Think that’s unusual on campus? Think again. Perhaps the best part of this whole “scandal” is the way the Christian Union, eager for a chance of some good PR, have stormed in and slated the organisation. This would be the same CU who, in my first year, I exposed as forcing senior members to sign ‘agreements’ promising that they wouldn’t have a relationship with a non-Christian and weren’t allowed to be seen out drunk. And the same Christian Union who refuse to have elections to decide their new president – instead choosing to “pray” so that God can tell them who takes the job. We use a similar method to decide who becomes the next editor of Vision, with red smoke rising from the office chim-

ney when the Lord informs the team of his decision.

The point is not that the International Church of Christ is acceptable, but that religion is religion. The ICC is quoting from the same book as both the Church of England and the Catholic Church. And for the Christian Union to start taking the moral high ground is pathetic, when they enjoy interfering in members lives as much as any of these “cults”.

What we have with cults then is a story that has become a caricature of itself. The truth is that the chances of these people actually converting you and getting hold of your money is so small that its just not worth worrying about. If you want to worry about something, then you could try thinking about the Environment, Chlamydia or what your mate in PPE is writing down about you in his Filofax.

"ONLY THE VERY BRIGHTEST..."

My animosity towards our pretentious cousins in PPE was taken to new levels as I recently saw the “about us” section of the Club of PEP homepage. It reads: “Amidst the recent proliferation of PPE degrees in the UK, York is widely considered, alongside Oxford, to be ‘the’ place to study these subjects together. The current standard offer of AAB at A-level ensures that only the very brightest students enrol”.

Yet somehow the snob factor is rammed up yet another gear as they discuss the origin of their club badge, of all things. “The logo seeks to embody the trinity of Politics, Economics and Philosophy.

Hence, for instance, it consists of three colours. Moreover, the symbolism is found in the three triangles in the lower part of the logo, distinctly separate yet pointing in the same direction.”

“Eo Ipso, written on the banner

beneath, is in the same way as per se a Latin phrase occasionally still in use in English. It has many interpretations, which often lead in the direction of by that very act of he himself/she herself. We use the phrase in its more idiomatic sense: through inner strength.” What a load of bollocks. Just don’t rub it in to your PPE friends that they didn’t make it into Oxford…

10COMMENT

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

COLUMNS TEA: What does your cuppa say about you?

LOUISE HARDIE A

t the end of last issue’s column I mentioned that most sacred of all British institutions – the cup of tea. Now I could go on for the rest of this space about the pros and cons of various brands, or write an epic on why plain old English Breakfast Tea will always be better than any of these new fangled, fancy variations such as Darjeeling or Lady Grey. However although I’m sure you’re all be thirsting to read what brand of tea is my favourite (it’s Yorkshire by the way), that’s not the pertinent issue at hand. Rather I want to introduce you to my way of viewing the world. You see, when I meet a person for the first time, I don’t judge them on the clothes they’re wearing, the way they do their hair or their accent, instead I ask them how they take their tea.

From the person’s answer I can obtain some very useful insights into their personality and make a snap judgement on whether I should bother pursuing the conversation any further.

The first thing I did when arriving at university, after tearfully waving my parents off for the required amount of time, was head to the kitchen. I checked the kettle had a concealed element, introduced myself to the girl already in there and asked, “Shall we have a cup of tea?” This is how I bond with people – over a slowly brewing pot.

Throughout Fresher’s Week I was a zombie but not because I’d been drinking alcoholic substances and partying until 3am every night, but because I’d been sitting in my kitchen with my new found friends drinking copious amounts tea and getting mildly high off caffeine until 3am.

My one cardinal rule that can under no circumstances be broken is, never trust a person who does not like/drink tea. Whilst one is allowed to sympathise with their deprived lifestyle, these people should not be approached for two reasons. Firstly because they are either, an undercover American insurgent trying to convert the British people to coffee, or cwaffee, or more worryingly the person in question just has no taste and even during conversations about other things you’d never be able to respect what they said.

Once during my young and reckless days I broke this rule. I dated a guy for a couple of months who did not drink tea, or indeed any form of hot drink. Needless to say the relationship did not progress very far, it was like being from completely different worlds. If I ever went to his house all I wanted to do was to put my feet up and have

a relaxing cup of tea, whereas he wanted to make out on the sofa, I just couldn’t understand it. Since that awful experience I have made it my mission to preach the potential dangers of encountering a non tea-drinking person to the world.

Now we come to the issue of sugar in tea. Personally I think that it is a heinous crime to put sugar in tea because it alters the whole molecular structure of the tea drinking process, making a brew of pure beauty into an overly sweet mess.

Recently I’ve tried to become more tolerant of the world around me and have made a sustained effort to connect with these sugary people– m u c h to my surprise I’ve found that

The cuppa: a tool for psychoanalysis I quite like some of them. However people who have two plus teaspoons of sugar in their tea are still a no-go area. These people are inevitably builders, the kind who whistle at you in the street, make rude gestures and sing “I love you baby” as you walk past them. Or an even even more irritating breed of people who have two plus sugars

are the chauvinistic male type, usually with a growing beer belly , who I met on my work experience.

These men will call you ‘love’ or ‘doll’ and eye up your cleavage as they ask you to photocopy a stack of papers or open their mail for them.

Sadly in this world there are a surprising amount of people who cannot make a good cup of tea. One of my best friends is such a person – whenever I’m at her house I always jump in and offer to make the tea so it can be made to my correct specifications.

As a quick aside, irrelevant to the rest of this column, at home I've always had tea leaves rather than tea bags because it tastes so much bettter. This can produce very amusing results from guests uninitiated to the Hardie’s tea drinking traditions – a newcomer to our household will always splutter wildly as they get an unexpected mouthful of leaves, I learnt long ago to always leave approximately three millimetres of tea at the bottom of the cup.

There are so many other ways in which I use tea to psychoanalyse people: how hot they drink it; how soon after the kettle has boiled do they make their tea; how much milk they put in; what type of milk they use; how long they leave the teabag in and whether they squeeze the tea bag when taking it out. I won’t tell you in this space what each of these things would say to me about your character if I watched you making a cup of tea – there are certain things that are sometimes best left unsaid. However I urge you all not to become self conscious about your tea drinking habits, it’s all a matter of taste.... even if yours does turn out to be very bad.

We are now condemned to live a life of public shame, or not to live at all

ANDREW LATHAM T

he pitchfork-and-torch mob is out again, and they want blood. Yours. The worst thing is these characters are people that will be giving a substantial number of us a job in a few months time.

Of course, they are not actually a mob, nor are they after your real blood. For the most part they aren’t vampires or from the NHS, but they are after pictures and other little snippets of your life that could smear their company with the same effluent and vomit that you wake up caked in after another miserable Wednesday night in York.

Much is said of the use of the internet by graduate employment recruiters, university secret police, and identity fraudsters.

It’s got me worried. For many, at least ten thousand other people can potentially share the moment of you regurgitating a pizza. You may not have known someone took the photo, or perhaps you tagged it a misguided attempt to appear funny.

This sounds paranoid, but regardless of where said picture came from some of the people in the York

or London network who may not be your ‘friends’ will be particularly interested to find out what you’re up to, gaining knowledge and insight into your existence without you realising. Who knows?

You might even have a stalker..

People can be blocked from accessing elements of your personal information, but this unwieldy method simply encourages prospective bosses into thinking you have something to hide. Or are the type of introvert recluse that will not pull their weight in the team when deadlines draw close, or will end up posting ‘anthrax’ round the office in a misguided attempt to start conversation.

One step further on and the scales are weighed heavily against you: Facebook is now being investigated for possible breach of British data protection laws as users cannot delete themselves from the system, rather can only deactivate their accounts.

This is a useful arrangement: I tried to go without the infernal website during the summer for a week. Figuring that it was best to

go whole hog and remove any temptation to stalk my then-girlfriend’s best friend, I closed my account.

Unfortunately, primeval urges got the better of me after seven hours, and I was able to reacquire all the pokes, vampire requests, and ridiculous photos that had so sorely missed. Gratifying.

Arts students, geeks, and others with too much time on their hands love the Internet. One can sit in a coffee shop pratting about on a Mac publishing your essays, poetry, heartwrenching Dogme95 screenplays or a blog about vineculture to the world for free. Someone might read it, and leave you a nice comment, or offer you money for an idea. It happens. That's how Lily Allen supposedly got going. Or one can build a Youtube channel comprising entirely films of kittens falling down stairs for dissertation quick reference. Or create an Amazon wishlist in an attempt to show that you have learnt something meaningful about life and culture, and in an altruistic vein pass it on to the rest of humanity that has ostensibly has too much time on their hands. There is no editor, no quality control and each of these bits of data says something about you - probably not wholy positive for every possible audience, and is accessible without too much effort and Google.

The amount of data that people produce and leave scattered and strewn across the internet and the world, like toilet paper around the

vestibule of a Virgin Train, is phenomenal. Dealing with it, as for the poor sap in Edinburgh Waverly station late on a Friday night, is a clumsy and problematic affair.

At the moment, the options are few; grin and bare it, reveal to someone that you buy KY jelly and grapes simultaneously every second Tuesday but help out at Acomb cat rescue centre every week, or take the path of most resistance; and scupper their chances of knowing anything about you, good or bad.

Remove yourself from the web, one wall post at a time. Snap your Clubcard in half. Try to live anonymously, having thrown the baby out with the bathwater and been left with the bleak realisation that the chances are you will die sad and lonely, whilst everyone else is at a graduate recruitment event advertised on the York network that could have changed your life.

We must accept that the digital world is now ingrained in our real world and is everchanging, though whether or not we evolve one step ahead of the game and continue to have the ability to ‘be ourselves’ in the few supposedly happy-go- lucky months of university, or indeed for the rest of our lives, remains to be seen.

ALEX RICHMAN O

ne of the best things about December is the obligatory Secret Santa. It’s a sure-fire way to make gift-giving miserable.

Secret Santa, for the uninitiated, is a method of gift-giving invented by a feckless cheapskate that didn’t want to fork out for multiple presents. A group of friends put all of their names in a hat, choose a spending limit, and take turns to choose their victims.

As soon as that piece of paper is unfurled, a magical bond is formed between you, the buyer (the Secret Santa) and your recipient (the Secret Santee or, more accurately, the Inevitably Disappointed). But before you can get busy buying, Secret Santa has lots of important rules.

Thou shalt not renege on thine contract; I don’t care if it’s still awkward after you tried to finger her in Toffs - you can’t pick another name out of the hat.

Thou shalt not covet items above thine price barrier; it might be ‘hilarious’ to buy him a blow-up sex doll AND a pack of silk thongs – but you can only afford one.

Lastly, and most importantly: thou shalt not seek advice from closer friends. To reveal your target is to unwind the very fabric of the Secret Santa continuum, and very soon everyone knows who’s bought what for whom. You may as well just call it Santa because nothing’s a secret, but that sounds stupid!

Boys always want to break the first rule. It’s probably because a lot of fingering gets done in Toffs whereas girls tend to struggle more with the second and third rules because they want to get that really thoughtful present they’ve had their eye on for months.

At the risk of sounding like a misanthrope, Secret Santa isn’t about getting the perfect gift. When your nominated day of giving comes at the end of term, you should only ever unwrap a thoughtless, cheap piece of tat. The only exception is when there are several pieces of much cheaper tat.

You can tell that your group has excelled if the volume of presents per person is equal to the price limit - a phenomenon known in Secret Santa circles as Poundland Equilibrium.

More commendable still is if gifts are measured in litres. Buying men a four pack of beer and women a bottle wine is so horrendously thoughtless that only veterans of Secret Santa usually manage it.

The key to Secret Santa is that it teaches us so much: the importance of discretion, the discipline of frugality, and the zen art of giftwrapping. But most importantly, it teaches us that we’d all be much happier if we just gave each other filthy grubby stacks of cash so we could all get what we really wanted, rather than suffer through a fake smile as we paw away another woefully misjudged CD or hideous scarf.

YORK VISION tiistai tiawanau 4 2007

CALL: 0800 CONDOM

RUBBISH

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Tuesday December 4, 2007

BBC Boss? I would have enjoyed it! I like trouble

P16 e t a b e d n o i vis

NO SWEAT?

Wondering where that present came from? John Halstead thinks we could do worse than sweat-shopping while Joe Burnham argues that it's not always that simple....

John Hal

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stead

ilma Ruth Erazo works for 10 hours a day in a cramped factory in El Salvador. She is just one of the fifteen people that contribute to making five T-Shirts per minute. 15 of 8000 workers. 3c per shirt. $7 per day. These shirts are to be flown around the world and sold by Fruit of the Loom for upwards of £10. If you’ve got a particularly stingy aunty you may get one for Christmas. You may have already worn one on Viking Raid or a College bar crawl. Sweatshops are evil – it is pretty obvious. It is a story of tyrannical multinationals

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It seems that foreignowned 'sweatshops' pay more and offer better conditions

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forcing poor workers to be modern slaves: slaves working under the devious jackboot of modern consumerist capital. Exploitation is in every thread, stitch and hem.

As York fills with shoppers and we all think about what to buy this Christmas, exactly how should we feel about what we’re buying and

who is being exploited?

I asked the people at anti-sweatshop charity No Sweat what exploitation is. They told me simply that it is ‘to gain benefit from’. But then isn’t the worker exploiting the firm? They also said that workers can’t afford to buy the goods they make. The same is true if you are making Boeing 747s. No Sweat say that they could pay more out of their huge profits. They could pay Vietnamese workers $42 an hour (200 times the average wage) and make a $30bn profit. Is that exploitation?

Workers choose to work in sweatshop and so it must be in their interests. How can a voluntary contract be ‘exploitation’? When I go into a shop and exchange 30p for an apple, it must be in everybody’s interest. Similarly, if there was a better alternative for sweatshop workers, they would take it. But there isn’t. So they don’t. Vilma illustrated this point, “All the (job) slots are full,” she said. “There’s not much turnover.

Why would anybody stay with a company where they don’t want to be? Everybody must have a favorable impression of the place, otherwise they would quit.”

It seems that foreign-owned ‘sweatshops’ pay more and offer better conditions.

Yet companies such as Fruit of the Loom have been condemned by the International Textile Garments and Leather Workers Federation as having “a history of virulent anti-union activity” as well as subjecting employees to long hours, “poverty pay” and dangerous conditions reminiscent of a Victorian mill rather than a modern transnational company”. Vision spoke to Fruit of the Loom to see what they had to say on the matter.

Fruit of the Loom state that employees are not ‘subjected’ to long hours, and voluntarily choose to work long hours to make more

All jobs are full. Why would anybody stay with a company where they don't want to be money. Compared to local firms, they offer “improved conditions for workers in almost all cases”. The Chief executive of the company gave various counter arguments to the claim of the International Textile Garments Federation especially in regards to the pay claims.

Foreign owned-companies, which earn the tag ‘sweatshop’, pay more than the average wage in a country.

No Sweat agrees that this is the case. Numerous studies report that the presence of a wage premium paid by multinationals offers on average a 10% higher wage than the going rate. A demonised company, such as Nike, pays twice the average wage to its Vietnamese workers. Fruit of the Loom say that the statistics speak for themselves: The Wage of Salvadorian Fruit of the Loom workers is a minimum $5.04 a day while the percentage o the population living on less that $2 a day is 58% according to the World Bank.

>P16

TAXI TALES REVEALED

Overall, sweatshops can be seen as an incredible force for good in El Salvador. It has done more for poverty there than any aid agency could ever dream of by supplying $14,600,000 in wages to its workers.

This is just one sixth of the entire income of Christian Aid. If we judge the morality or ethics of an institution on the amount it contributes to the Third World, FotL would be somewhere near the top and the students of York would probably be placed at the bottom.

In El Salvador at least the sweatshops have reduced poverty. The World Bank statistics state that in 1991 64% of the country’s population were in poverty, by 2002, after the arrival of sweatshops, only 37% were. If this is exploitation, the Salvadorians must be begging for more.

Sweatshops have left nothing but a trail of prosperity around the globe. One hundred and fifty years ago sweatshops were in Britain and the US. Fifty years ago, they went from Japan, to Hong Kong to Taiwan to South Korea and now to China. Rather than something we should feel guilty about, perhaps sweatshops are a natural progression to development.

So why boycott products produced in sweatshops – it can be very difficult to do so. In contrast to what you may think, various stud-

ies by international organisations such as UNICEF and Oxfam, have shown that boycotting sweatshops products can have horrifying consequences. UNICEF found that when a sweatshop of 50,000 lost their jobs in Bangladesh, children turned to jobs like stone crushing, street hustling and prostitution rather than finding their way into limited education places. No Sweat concedes that boycotting is absurd and dangerous. It stems from a failure to recognise that sweatshops offer a path to slightly less poverty.

The only way they will get rich is if we buy stuff from them. By boycotting we are saying by hat ‘you are too poor to trade with us’.

People will not work in a sweatshop if it is not in their interests.

It is a simple argument that should unite left and right, and it does where people have taken care to look at the evidence and the principle. Sweatshops can be an amazing force for good for the world’s poor as well as our wallets. But only if we let them.

>>CONTINUED ON PAGE 13

HAVE AN ETHICAL XMAS >CENTRE SPREAD

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Tuesday December 4, 2007

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inside MAN #9 Pole Exercise

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rguing against the use of sweatshops should be easy – after all, in the (old cliché of) increasingly blurred and relative boundaries between ‘good’ and ‘evil’, sweatshops seem refreshingly easy to classify. My work should be cut out for me, but in reality it isn’t.

Understanding sweatshops and how they should be treated requires more than slogans and emotional appeal. Most of all it requires that people have a clear understanding of what the problem is, and that in reality it’s highly unlikely that pro-sweatshop proponents are actually…well, Satanists.

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That’s not to say they’re correct, but it is to say that we both share common ground. It’s fair to say that, with the exception of those who clearly have vested interest in the use of sweatshops, both sides are often looking at what’s best for the workers. We can be united in this. There’s no point in the issue becoming a heated and personal debate against one another, but instead it should be a constructive effort to compare ideas and see

has a military strong enough, then it’d be within our own best interest to enslave developing nations.

Likewise, it’d be in the rational interest of those enslaved citizens of that country to agree to our rule, otherwise they’d be shot. It makes perfect sense.

Now replace the word ‘mili-

Just because workers agree to work in sweatshops doesn't mean it is fair

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The problem is bigger than a few companies making an unethical buck

how the situation can be improved.

I have no interest in shouting slogans, and neither should anyone else; there’s work to be done.

The problem is bigger than just a few companies making an unethical buck. The real problem is that, according to the rules all of us ‘accept’, these companies are technically and morally doing nothing wrong. While doing my best to avoid sounding like a Communist: if you believe and support pure Capitalism, you have no case against sweatshops. Excusing my wiki-economics for just a few seconds, Capitalism is (at its most general) seen as the market ‘sorting itself out’. If you support pure Capitalism, then it makes sense that you’d be resistant to any government intervention within the market – after all, people wouldn’t work for sweatshops if it wasn’t in their interest, yes? And therefore, if these people are happy to do the work, who are we to stop them?

Ethics transcends economics.

If you’re arguing from a purely capitalist and market-rational viewpoint, then Britain should allow child labour. Why not?

They’re agreeing to it, so surely it must be in their best interest? By the same argument, it makes little sense to have universal health care; the logic stands that if people are ill then it’s in their best interest to pay to receive care. So why change that? Why should the government fiddle with a system that is based on cash? It’s because it would be unfair not to, that’s the only reason.

Rationality shouldn’t dictate the world. It’s tempting to argue for it, because it’s easy to apply, and one would imagine that a rational world is a fair world.

Rationality is can be useless when deciding between what’s right and what’s wrong. If everyone is acting in their own best interest, then what’s wrong with slavery?

Rationally speaking, if our culture

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ham n r u B e Jo

tary’ with the word ‘economy’, the word ‘enslave’ with ‘employ’, and the phrase ‘be shot’ with ‘die of starvation’. Does any of that sound familiar?

Just because the workers agree to work in sweatshops, it doesn’t mean that it is a fair deal – as with the example of enslavement, it just means that they probably have no other choice. It doesn’t mean it’s justified and it certainly doesn’t mean we should support it. Our society becomes more civilised by noticing injustices and correcting them – we need to do this with sweatshops, there’s no excuse. The only problem is how this injustice is corrected. Boycotting? Revolution?

Regulation? They all have their advantages and disadvantages.

Boycotting, though fashionable, might not be the answer - at least not direct boycotting of the goods produced in sweatshops. I agree with John when he argues

that the boycotting ideology ultimately does very little to help the workers, and that if it causes the factories to be closed it will most likely hurt them; this same view is indeed held by the anti-sweatshop organisation No Sweat. A closed factory won’t cause the economy to suddenly boom and create a better situation. Instead, it’ll be hurting the very people we’re trying to help. What would make much more sense, in terms of boycotting, would be to boycott corporations that have consistently poor conditions in their sweatshops and lift the boycott once huge improvements have been made. This is far from perfect, but it still encourages corporations to treat their factories with a greater deal of tact and to take public opinion more seriously.

Instead, we should be focusing on reforming sweatshops until the word ‘sweatshop’ no longer applies – they’d eventually be productive and fair sources of labour and employment. This can only be possible with the introduction of new regulations aimed at eliminating the blatant exploitation which is currently occurring.

However, it’s clear that very real exploitation is occurring and the argument that ‘an exploitive job is better than no job at all’ simply cannot justify ripping people off to this extent. Who cares if sweatshop work gives relatively good money for the area that it’s built in? The fact is, the workers are still entitled to far more money than they’re receiving, and until the corporations are required to correct this, sweatshops will remain – quite rightly – a guilt on the conscience of the society that allows it to happen.

So what should we all do?

Simply, there are no quick fixes.

Okay, in all fairness, I’m totally out of shape. I’m one of those skinny types that never gets quite dissatisfied enough their body to actually warrant something obscene like an exercise routine.

Plus that ‘chocolate fudge brownie’ flavour Frijj has somehow sneaked into my daily diet and I worry that I’d suffer withdrawal symptoms if I actually tried to eat healthily. Nevertheless, when I heard about the ‘Pole Exercise’ club, I figured it sounded too brilliant and quirky to pass up. And surely, I thought, something with that degree of novelty can’t be too strenuous?

My aching shoulders/kidneys/ legs/spleen/neck and arms puts a bitter end to that horrible misconception. The evening started when I approached the hall with a level of inherent caution – I forgot to wear shorts, and so stuck out like a sore thumb in my jeans.

There were roughly 20 girls and three males in the class. This probably worked to my advantage, as I was able to get plenty of one-onone instruction with the friendly male trainer. If you’re female, I’m not sure how much contact time you’d be able to get, since the ratio of female pupils to trainers seemed pretty high.

After I got over the initial awkwardness, I met my fierce nemesis of the pole for the first time. I was taught -with some slinky R&B playing in the background- how to do various climbs and kicky spins, including a particularly human-hating move known as the ‘flag pole’. I looked far from sexy.

I should note that sex appeal isn’t something you’re likely to feel when you’re doing this. Maybe it’s just me, but the torturous pain really does de-sexify the process.

However, with good practice, I’m sure you won’t look too disgraceful.

In general, after all the novelty and boasting, it’s honestly good fun – if a lot more strenuous than I expected. The session was a mix of pole-work and traditional exercise, so you’re likely to get most muscles exhausted by the end of it. The only real quip I have is with the price – at £3 for an hour, it seemed a little pricey on a student budget. However, if you have the money and the self confidence, it might be worth a try – if only to discount the fantasy of escaping to Vegas and becoming a famous showgirl (something I may need to reconsider).

JB

inclusive/cliquey active/sedate

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CHRISTMAS WITH A CONSCIENCE

SHOP FA CTS during christmas we throw away an extra 270,000 tonnes of packaging

we use over 8 billiON plastic Shopping bags every year

Tuesday December 4, 2007

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How compatible are merry-making and morals? Sian Rowe and Mike Sims examine our seasonal scruples.

o you see yourself as a bit of an eco-warrior? Into all things green? If so, you are probably persuaded to buy local produce in the belief that it is a more sustainable consumer choice. However new studies suggest that you may be wasting your time.

The assumed relationship between ‘food miles’ and global warming is coming under increasing attack from a number of academics and writers. There are several arguments emerging over the reality of ‘greener’ local produce.

The Lincoln University report by Caroline Saunders, Andrew Barber and Greg Taylor disputes the argument that the longer the transportation period that food undergoes the more energy is wasted. It questions the validity of the ‘food miles’ concept as an indicator of sustainability, labelling it as ‘very simplistic’. It also condemns the popular press for misleading consumers that transport and distribution are the only measures of how ‘green’ food products are, ignoring other key elements such as production and processing.

Tim Hartford, author of the 2007 book ‘The Undercover Economist’ agrees that buying locla food is not a fool-proof way to combat carbon emisions despite its trendiness. He notes how ‘local is the new organic’ in a ‘campaign that is laden with hype’. So, are we just buying into another fad, the kind that guilts us into the overpriced delicattessen or that turns us all into hemp-munching hippies? As students on a budget should we even care where our food comes from?

When speaking to Vision, Hartford seems to think that it’s just

VISION INVESTIGATES: T

hose crazy social activists have done it again. Buy Nothing Day is a concept promoted by Canadian Ted Dave and focuses on not participating in the ‘evil’ that is consumerism for 24 whole hours. In attempt to battle- or at least raise awareness of - the wasteful consumption of the First World, people are asked to give up their holiday shopping and supermarket sandwiches in favour of reflecting on the state of the world. Vision tests the theory by challenging their consumer queen to spend nothing for a day.

For most people buying things doesn’t seem to be a choice. We do it without thinking. The £10 in your pocket can find its way in and out again faster than you have said ‘Today’s Guardian, a scone and 10 Marlboro Reds please’. There is the cake that you promised to bake which needs ingredients, you owe your friend a birthday drink and you find yourself starving after a 9.15 lecture.

With all of these spending pitfalls it is unsusprising that developed countries – only 20% of the worlds population – are consuming over 80% of the world’s resources.

The day starts with a rejection of a bacon sandwich on the way to campus. Usually filling myself with greasy goodness I am instead left with £1.50 and a horribly empty feeling. It apparently

Personal debt in britain totals 1.4 trillion

Tuesday December 4, 2007

l e r a p p A n a c i r e 1 x Am 0 3 £ = k c a p i t l mu

another lifestyle choice. ‘Buying local food is not the difference between environmental salvation or damnation. In any case, locally grown food has its own environmental costs’. Local tomatoes are grown in gas-heated greenhouses for example. And local doesn’t mean ‘natural’. Local apples can be stored for months in sheds filled with nitrogen’. Instead of international transportation contributing to climate change he suggests that it is the use of cars driving to the supermarket that wastes the most energy, something that only the luckiest of students get to do.

It seems clear that with dozens of similar products on the supermarket from a wide range of origins this holidays, shopping ethically, organically and sustainably can be incredibly confusing. It takes a a lot of energy to scrutinise every label. It is understandable if many of us feel that we are sufffering from ‘green’ fatigue. Ultimately, buying local food (or not) is an individual lifestyle choice balancing taste, carbon and importantly, cash.

Organi c? Ethi cal?

Local?

Mike S ims wonder s means what it for our shoppin g baske ts.

VS

1 x Fruit of the Loom multipack = £10 1 x Amer ican Appa rel socks = £ 7

CAN WE BOYCOTT BUYING?

takes time to overcome the feeling of pure misery and find one’s way to consumer enlightenment. Yet if you are spending the day on campus, not spending your cash is a lot easier. Reading a newspaper is as simple as a trip to library - a top tip for frivolous spenders - while the allure of campus eats or overpriced Blackwell’s books is minimal. While tempted by Pick'n'Mix in a gap between lectures it was easy to walk away with the thought of pre bought treats at home. It is not only and newspapers that Ted Dave and company have a problem with. Packaging causes environmental damage and comes with almost everything that we buy. In Britain we use 8 million carrier bags every year, not to mention the wrapping that comes with everything – from vegetables to fancy boxes of chocolate. At Christmas the problem escalates – collectively we throw away an extra 270,000 tonnes of package-related rubbish. In 2000 Britain produced 2.25 million tonnes of festive debris.

In order to test the not buying theory further – and push my not spending power to the limit – I take a trip into town. With windows full of alluring lights and fancy clothes the temptation almost gets too much. With a red dress in hand I make it into the changing room and out into the queue without questioning the

? s c i Eth or

ECONOMY?

company that made it or how the choices of modern consumerism are corrupting the third world. This is what Buy Nothing Day REALLY wants us to think about. Are the actions of the consumer in the developed world a huge contributing factor to the problems that are read about in the news every day but seem so far from the cosy insides of Starbucks or the shelves of Topshop?

Fortunately for the investigation, I didn’t buy the dress. Or the CD that I had wanted for weeks. Somewhere in Buy Nothing Day’s message there IS sense, if only for one day. Cutting down on wasteful spending is certainly an option for both wallet and way of life. It just isn't the most appealing one. As the rest of the western world continue to spend in massive amounts it is difficult to not follow suit and indulge every buyer's whim. In Buy Nothing Day's manifesto you are informed to stock up on essential goods the day before the boycott and in Vision's case the purchases intended for the 24th November were simply put off until the next day – when Buy Everything in Sight day returned with gusto.

While it seems we are not all going to follow the self sufficient families into compost heaven or join a stop shopping gospel choir it is possible to cut out wasteful spending and consumerism binges.

ira F c i n a g r 1xO Pud s a m t s i r h traide C = £6.99

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1 x Value Christmas Pud = £0 .98

3 x Value Christmas socks = £3.50

e c n i M c i n a 6 x Org 9 4 .

3 £ = s Pie

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e c n i M e u l a 6 x V £0.49 = s e i P

4 x Value Lager = £0.80

VS

1 x Organic Lager = £1.25

PLUS: Kate Atkinson interview / Vision loves Joe Lean and more...MORE I SAY!

babyshambles: back on track and walking free

Dec 07 Issue 11

CEN

MUSIC

Oct 07 Issue 11

Film Deputy Editor: Mark Comber & Andrew Nichols TV Editor: Scott Bryan Culture Editor: Anna Wormleighton Culture Deputy Editor: Post Open Books Editor: Naomi Lever & Rebecca Black Books Deputy Editor: Emilie Roohan Listings Editor: Maami Dekeyi

Scene Editor: Loulla-Mae Eleftheriou-Smith Music Editor: Camille Augarde Music Deputy: Michael Regan Film Editor: Laura Cooney

SCENE

FILM

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Theatre Royal

Film Reviews

BOOKS

All at Scene.

Just remember kids, drugs are bad and all that.

Drugs are bad. Remember that age old phrase being pummelled into your head from the tender days of your youth?

It turns out, if you set your mind on something strongly enough, you'll do it anyway, despite the warnings of vein collaption, severe wight loss and the potentials of total life ruin. This issue sees the silhouette of a recovering and self-reforming Pete Doherty as reported by his supportive band, as he drags himself away from the slippery slope of smack. For now, at least.

Vision's new favourites Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong on the other hand, prove that stubbornly refusing to stop playing music can get you places, eventually. That, and being an actor. For those of you who swoon over Jonathan ReeseMeyers' performance as Henry VIII and want to get inside those tight tights just as much as I do, then you'll recognise our Joe Lean. He plays Thomas Tallis, the composer.

On a slightly more serious note, we also spoke to author Kate Atkinson, who was lovely, not an actress, and doesn't do drugs. How novel, eh?

Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong

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Babyshambles

Kate Atkinson

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Do I feel that Babyshambles are largely recognised for Pete’s relationship with drugs and the press? If we were to conduct a poll round all the pubs in Britain by shouting “Babyshambles!” at the punters, I would hope that a large proportion’s immediate reaction would be to comment on our music. I’m not sure” ponders the band’s bass player, Drew McConnell. A member of any other serious, Parlophone-signed musical project would undoubtedly be exasperated at my suggestion that their fame is inspired by factors other than their music. However, when the world’s most famous drug addict who has dated a super-model, made his pet cat a crack-addict, and been divorced from the most famous song-writing marriage since Morrissey and Marr is your front man, exceptions have to be made. “It all started five years ago” explains Drew. I worked in a rehearsal space in East London with a guy called Patrick Walden with whom I had plans to start a band. Peter was in The Libertines at the time, and he used to pop in ten minutes before their shows, desperately trying to blag guitars, leads, amps - you name it. I was the only one who would give them to him, and we struck up a friendship and started playing together. We always took the band seriously, but when things eventually went wrong with The Libertines we made it a full time thing.” What

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Camille Augarde interviews:

CULTURE

“well I haven’t got many bones, it’s all metal” hardly makes me fall from my chair. Oh yes, I have watched the harrowing post-watershed documentaries on Channel 4, I have visited talktofrank.com, and am thoroughly clued up on the horrors of drug abuse. However, no amount of Hollyoaks omnibuses could have prepared me for Drew’s eager rolling up of his left arm’s sleeve to reveal a gammy, scarred limb.

“Twelve screws holding two metal plates down. G’wan, have a prod!” he insists. “Sweet Jesus” I whimper to myself, giving it the lightest poke I could muster, “surely only highly paid nurses with rubber gloves should be made to endure this.” Clocking my anguish, he grins, asserting that “I broke it whilst skateboarding. I’m a regular skater boy.

I’ve got Vans and everything!” Embarrassed by the conclusions I had so readily jumped to, I soon realise that the Irishman is in fact very much alive, healthy and sane.

Meanwhile, an equally chirpy Pete meanders about the corridor outside, sporting his trademark pork pie hat and looking relatively healthy. “He’s doing really well” Drew informs me. Indeed, since having been filmed injecting himself with heroin earlier this month, it has been reported that he is trying to keep to a clean and narrow path, a process which involves such extreme measures as banning his band mates from drinking in front of him. This does not

BABYSHAMBLES

BOOKS

“went wrong” with The Libertines was that co-front man and songwriter, Pete Doherty, was forced to leave due to his much publicised heroin and crack addiction. His new project, Babyshambles, wasn’t exactly off to a flying start then. On the night that their first gig was scheduled to take place, Doherty was arrested for burgling the flat of his former band mate and close friend, Carl Barat. This was the starting line of a long, potholed road for Babyshambles, strewn with no-show appearances and whole tour cancellations - brought about by substance abuse and various runins with the law. Inevitably, his unreliability has cost Pete a substantial proportion of the army of fans which he rallied during The Libertines’ heyday. In addition to this loss, Doherty’s behaviour catalysed the departure of band mates - drummer Gemma Clarke, and more recently, guitarist Patrick Walden. The only man still standing from the original line-up is bass player, Drew McConnell, who has agreed to join me for a chat on the opening night of Babyshambles’ first ever arena tour at the Manchester MEN. My knowledge of Babyshambles has prepared me for the worst - a weary, twitching, drug-addled shell of a human being no doubt. I sit far back from the Irishman and ask whether, given Babyshambles’ bleak touring past, he has a positive feeling in his bones about this one. His reply:

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look like a recipe for projectile vomiting into the corner of the stage during the heart-rendering climax of “Down in Albion”, nor another no-show. Adding to the sun-drenched atmosphere is the fact that the venue is sold out. “So to answer your question sensibly, yes I do have a good feeling about this tour. I’m looking forward to giving the new songs a good airing.” So as well as showcasing the new album, ‘Shotters Nation’, will the Shambles’ set list be graced with Libertines songs, as they have been in the past? “Not tonight, although we do still play Libertines’ songs, and I’m absolutely fine with it. I suppose I felt for a while that we were in their shadow, but I don’t think it’s such a bad shadow to be in. If Peter had been in Snow Patrol it may have been a touch more embarrassing, but The Libertines were a great band. I didn’t really know who they were at the time, but I’ve listened to them a lot since and I really like them. My opinion is that he was in The Libertines and he did write most of the songs, so it seems natural for people to compare us.” And how do the other Babyshambles’ members feel about the association?

Drew pauses before revealing that “it did bother Patrick, and it has bothered Peter. There were a couple of times where interviewers have called us a ‘side project’ and Peter would smash up their tape recorders and properly kick off ”.

Keeping a watchful eye over my quivering dictaphone, I continue swiftly onto the subject of their two released albums. Despite Drew insisting that “I don’t read reviews, and I don’t take them seriously”, there is no escaping the fact that the band’s debut album, ‘Down in Albion’ was a commercial flop, with Drowned in Sound describing it as “horrible - really horrible”, and The Guardian as “a real test of the listener’s patience”. I half expect Drew to put these colourful reactions down to the much publicised drug clouds which lingered over the band’s recording sessions in 2005. Instead however, he points an accusative finger at the studio. Grimacing, he explains that “our first album sounds the way it does because we recorded it in a piece of crap studio in Wales, which we later found out is renowned for being the worst studio in Britain.” Aha. Since this piece of “half-baked, smacked-out dross” (credit to the NME) however, the band have upped their game considerably, slapping any unoptimistic, review-writing hands into bandages with the release of this year’s ‘Shotters Nation’. For this, ‘Down in Albion’s producer was traded in for Smiths and Blur producer, Stephen Street, who whipped them into shape by laying down stiff rules such as “no recording until a song is complete”. McConnell excitedly describes this second recording environment of London’s Olympic studio as “brilliant. Really high tech. The mics were amazing and the roof dropped down to adjust the sound of the room!”

He gushes that “I’m so proud of the whole album”, which reached an impressive number five in the UK charts. However, praise for song-writing should not lie on Doherty’s shoulders alone, as McConnell explains that it was a group effort. “The song “There She Goes” is particularly special to me. I really got a hold of that one and steered how it went. I had the idea to make it a cross between Lou Reed’s ‘Take a Walk on the Wild Side’ with the brushes etc, and The Cure’s ‘Love Cats’.

It here transpires that Drew is quite the established musician, with ‘There She Goes’ showcasing his degree in bass-playing. On top of Babyshambles, he also plays the double-bass and piano for Irish singer/songwriter Fionn Regan, and for the band Phoenix Drive. He remembers this love for music being sparked by his first ever listening to The Beatles’ ‘I Wanna Hold Your Hand’ as a young child and “just rolling about on the floor in hysterical laughter thinking, “what the hell is this?!” Does he think that Babyshambles can reach out to such a wide audience as The Beatles did? “Definitely. I’ve got friends whose kids make them put us on in the car to school. “Daddy? What does ‘Pipedown’ mean?” “Haha, I’ll tell you when they’re older”. They seem to be particularly fond of “I Wish” and “You Talk”.

Funnily enough, it has been revealed that Babyshambles’ next single is to be the latter of these family favourites. We’ve learnt that the main thing a

DATED A SUPERMODEL, AND MADE HIS PET A CRACK ADDICT...

INTERVIEW

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IT WAS ME THAT INVENTED THE TERM 'GRINDIE'

band and a record label can fall out about is what single to release next, so we tried to make an album of twelve songs, all of which we believed could be singles. ‘You Talk’ wasn’t an obvious choice for me, but radio pluggers and Djs seem to love it.”

Other than the producer, the studio, and Pete’s state of health, another massive difference to songs such as this from the second album is that they are lacking guitar parts from Patrick Walden, who played and co-wrote six of the sixteen songs which made it onto ‘Down in Albion’. He quit in 2005 due to what Drew describes as “circumstance, politics, fatigue and drugs” and was replaced by the older guitar veteran, Mick Whitnall. “Life is quieter without Patrick” Drew reveals, prompting me to ask which of the men’s playing he prefers. “Are both of your parents still alive? Who do you prefer - your mum or your dad? Of course I miss playing with Patrick, but we’ve got something else going on now and I’m totally embracing that.”

Peculiarly, it is revealed that Patrick is in fact in the building, and that he intends to join the band onstage for a few songs. Hours before they are supposed to go on however, plans of a Shambles reunion are dashed, as he has a sudden change of heart and heads on home. Speaking to NME, Mick explained that “he came up to Manchester on the tour bus with us, he was going to come out and play on a couple of songs, but there were complications and he had to go home. Personally, I just found it all a bit strange.”

Although Patrick isn’t present tonight, one person who is here in full force is MC/rapper, Dizzee Rascal - Babyshambles’ official tour support. This, as well as their collaboration with Lethal Bizzle at this year’s Glastonbury puts Babyshambles at the forefront of the current trend for indie-hip-hop collaborations. The latest artists to follow this “grindie” (grime + indie - gettit?) suit are… “Stop right there” demands Drew. “It was me that invented the term ‘grindie’. We stayed up very late drinking with Dizzee a while back, put our heads together and started plotting to bring grime and indie together. Over the course of the conversation it suddenly struck me that that phrase could be made. Artic Monkeys are doing it, The Streets are doing it… but you know where it started, baby!”

So what with the band creating new genres, a following of primary school kids, a major signing to Parlophone, a critically acclaimed, chart-topping album, and a Pete currently free of substances, the future looks steady and bright for the Shambles for the first time ever.

It seems that much of this progression lies on the shoulders of the people behind the spotlight, whose loyalty and love for the band’s music have helped to keep the band and its troubled front man afloat. So if an Irishman approaches you in your local pub and shouts “Babyshambles” into your ear, pray let your response be more than “Pete Doherty’s crack-addicted cat!”.

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irst supporting band for Grammatics, The Debuts, cannot be ignored. The Joy Division-esque tones of Zandra Kleivens, leadsinger, electrify the room with sadness. She’s “not like you, and wouldn’t want to be anyway”, which seems fair enough when the room’s filled with large bearded men in woolly jumpers. But even they are moved as they sway from sandaled foot to foot clutching their beers.

The fragile elegance of Grammatics lead singer, Owen Brinley, marks him out. The beautiful and tragic ‘Broken Wing’ echoes round the room, which is lovely if you have someone’s eyes to look into dreamily, but I’m thinking might have tipped the men in jumpers over the edge. But, just when you think ‘The Vague Archive’ has become yet another emo rant, the song redeems itself by bursting into “Ooooh Summer”, reminiscent of Kate Bush and a final crescendo of cello and drums which The Arcade Fire would be proud of.

The twinkling lights and red velvet of the Basement Bar are the perfect setting for this unique, upcoming band with fairy tale characters, Grammatics. They may seem like just another Good Shoes, but the five-piece from Leeds have something going for them, and it’s not just the bass guitarist, Rory O’Hara’s, resemblance to Pinocchio. They may embody the emerging mainstream indie band but with Brinley’s graceful, heart-wrenching voice, O’Hara’s oversized spectacles, pointy shoes and a cello, they have an angst-ridden circus charm. And a fair bit of emo self-pity never did anyone any harm.

York City Screen - Basement Bar 09/11/07

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anchester Academy 1 is undergoing some refurbishment: the area around it is blocked off by cardboard slabs (construction workstylee), the toilets are festival-related outdoor loos, and the box office is a lonesome man stood in the cold with a bundle of envelopes. Not the warm and fuzzy setting you would expect to see The Shins play in. But, The Shins being The Shins, that is, quite capable of achieving warmth and fuzziness through the power of music alone, all this hardly mattered.

Support band Vampire Weekend’s poppy, bouncy tunes warmed the crowd up nicely, and it wasn’t a hideously long (and freezing cold) wait before the gentlemen themselves came onstage. Not something that I’ve ever been overly aware of, but The Shins’ songs are incredibly short. They managed to cram in an amazing amount of stuff (giving the pleasant illusion of a much longer gig), a good selection of songs from each of their three albums, and all spread out pleasingly proportionately. Starting with 'Sleeping Lessons' (first song off their newest album 'Wincing the Night Away') is exciting as it allows for the whole anticipation thing to go down as they walk on stage one by one before bursting into

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VERONIQUE WARD

the set. Most of the third album songs were played first, before launching into the older stuff. 'New Slang' was beautiful and worked really nicely into the rest of the (mostly) more up-tempo tunes. The much needed encore did not disappoint, rounding the whole thing off with the anthemic (and my personal all time favourite) 'So Says I'. Warm and fuzzy through and through!

ANDREW LATHAM

ized Oi Va Voi’s successful melting of the barriers between East and West. He also took on vocal parts, the reggae-rocket of Yuri, an insight into Garagin’s ego a tour-de-force of multi-instrumentalism and fusion music. A pulsating ‘Dissident’ opened up the show; the stage adorned with extra drums struck to pounding Balkan and dance beats. Had you closed your eyes on the night - rather than watching the captivating Meg Hamilton (violin) - you could have been in the wilds of Ukraine, albeit with a nightclub somewhere close.

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a burlesque show. The sex and sadness of the new album shines through. But, Sharin has the manners of a true Fifties starlet; she abashedly says “thank you” to the crowd after each song.

She’s Karen O, but with slightly more elegance and poise. I would.

With their ‘Love In A Trashcan’ and cover of Nineties Stereolab song, ‘French Disco’, The Raveonettes have never seemed so classy. ‘The Times’ recently called ‘Lust Lust Lust’ “predictable” but with their performance, the band escapes into a world of dark Fifties glamour.

Their mournful, yet tuneful songs are for anyone who’s ever wanted to fall in love, break up, dance around and turn to liquor.

lutarch once asked if a ship with different oars and hull to when it was first built was the same vessel. Much the same can be asked of Oi Va Voi, the London based Klezmer breakbeat specialists. Formed in the late 1990s, their extremely limited release debut ‘Digital Folklore’ was nominated for a Radio 3 World Music Award, whilst subsequent debut ‘Laughter Through Tears’ unleashed the prodigious KT Tunstall on the world’s ears. Tunstall, along with half of the associated musicians from the original project have since left due to illness or to pastures new; but the line-up on the most recent tour was on lightning form.

Vocalist Bridgette Amofah ably took Tunstall’s vocals, beautifully interplaying with Stephen Levi, whose heart-wrenching Hebrew and Yiddish chanson on ‘Dry Your Eyes’ from new album ‘Oi Va Voi’ was remarkable. Trumpets screeched at high-notes, clarinets blew cool breezes of self-reflection, and bass guitars throbbed in songs of love, life and central Europe. Nick Ammar’s superb guitar playing, particularly on the instrumental ‘Crimea’ symbol-

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hey are the definition of retro-cool, with influences including Sonic Youth and The Velvet Underground. Starring Sune Rose Wagner - a miserable Morrissey-lookalike, and Sharin Foo - a six foot blonde in a tight black pencil skirt, The Raveonettes transform the Cockpit. It’s a scene of drugs, dancing and disillusion from a Fifties Hollywood movie.

Their new self-produced and recorded album, ‘Lust Lust Lust’, released on 12th November, has a dark loneliness that their previous ‘Pretty In Black’ didn’t quite reach. And yet, they retain light catchy rhythms. The melodramatic guitar riffs of ‘Dead Sound’ makes you want to fall in love with the stranger next to you, whilst doing the twist.

The steady drum in ‘The Beat Dies’ makes the song sound like a funeral march mixed with

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o we really need another female singer-songwriter, who sings lyrics about her observations on life in a strong London accent? The people who signed Remi Nicole – after discovering her on myspace, no less – clearly think we do. It seems far too lazy and clichéd to compare her to Kate Nash and Lily Allen, but unfortunately it is impossible to avoid these comparisons, considering that both her singing voice and her lyric style makes her sound like a cross between the two, with a dash of Arctic Monkeys thrown in for good measure.

This is a shame, as considered on its own terms, it’s not a bad album. Somewhat ironically, many of the lyrics stress her individuality and how you should just be yourself, particularly on ‘Tabloid Queen’, which attacks girls who blindly follow celebrity culture and treat Heat as their Bible. Similarly, on her new single, ‘Rock N Roll’, she explains that although she’s of mixed race, she’d much rather pick up a guitar than sing r’n’b. Other songs focus on the well-worn topics of “my job’s really boring” (‘Fed Up’), and the selfexplanatory ‘Dates From Hell’.

Musically, it sounds – sorry for the comparison again – like Kate Nash with guitars rather than a piano. Essentially, if your answer to the question at the start of the review is “yes, we do”, then this is a more than worthwhile purchase. On the other hand, if your reaction is more along the lines of “oh God no”, then stay far away.

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ith a name like Alexisonfire (a twisted tribute to the world’s only lactating contortionist stripper) they were always unlikely to be a viable mainstream act. However, as the melodic post-hardcore five-piece near the end of their promotional cycle for brilliant third album “Crisis”, they find themselves selling out venue after venue. The gig at Leeds Met on 19th November 2007 was no exception. As I descended into the darkened pit-like venue I expected to be greeted by a black-fringed sea of pasty adolescents. No suprises there. But as the band emerged on stage, bearded, bedraggled, fringeless (!) and manlier than the whole venue, the non-conformist attitude of the band was aptly demonstrated. “This shit is ‘bout having a good fucking time” the band proclaim with unabashed sincerity in the fist-pumping manifesto “Get Fighted.”

Finally a band you can believe when they say it’s all about the music.This was a truly incendiary live performance, fuelled by passion and enjoyment. Already red-hot tracks “Keep it on Wax” and “Boiled Frogs” threatened to go supernova and got the emos moshing. Arguably the reigning kings of the emo-scene, these guys sure know how to have a “good fucking time”. Whilst the set was dominated by tracks from the latest album, a sprinkling of older atmospheric fan favourites such as set-closer “No Transitory” still featured. As the final chord sounded to the dreamlike encore "Happiness By The Kilowatt,” sending shivers down my (now battered and bruised) spine, one thing became clear: this gig may have been a sell-out but that’s one thing you can be sure Alexis will never do.

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Leeds Metropolitan University 19/11/07

ig fan of System of a Down? Ever heard of them? If not then you’re unlikely to have heard of their main man Mr Serj Tankian who’s just released his first completely solo album. And when I saw completely solo I mean it: self-written, produced and performed, all in his own home studio tacked on to the side of his house.

A true labour of love ‘Elect the Dead’ reveals an intimate side of Serj previously unwitnessed on his SOAD offerings. Due to him having the most distinctive vocals in the world of rock music, at first listen it’s hard not to assume that what you’re hearing is the work of him and his band. However you’ll soon realise that this is something very different, though not necessarily in a good way. Serj maintains his darkly political edge on songs such as ‘Money’; so far, so System. But then in ‘Saving Us’ we see some more personal revelations in what is as close to a love song as you’re ever going to get from Serj. Mainly rock but with a classical twist and implausibly complex vocal gymnastics, this album veers from more mainstream new single ‘Empty Walls’ to the bizarrely titled ‘Honking Antelope’. Occasionally the half singing half talking vocal style sounds like a cross between Tenacious D and The Mighty Boosh although with 10 times the seriousness due to lyrics showing the wisdom of Serj’s 40years. Overall not a bad album, just a very, very weird one. If you’re not already a System fan then this album probably won’t hold any appeal for you.

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t would probably be fair to say that expectations of the Wombats debut album are hardly high. In their short time on the music scene they have been noted more for their quirky sense of humour than for any song writing prowess. In fact, their apparent sense of humour makes up a key part of their act. ‘Wombats present….’ is intended to be a humorous look at sensitive matters of the heart. Yet all that it really represents is a continuous whine about what it’s like to be clueless when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. There is nothing wrong with this per-se, Morrissey has carved a career out of it, but when it is done without the wit and poetic skill of the miserable mancunian, then it just becomes too much. It is difficult to anticipate a more cumbersome lyric than,“ I saw her downing Tequilas like Oliver Reed on an Irish stag do”, on 'Little Miss Pipedream'. The Wombles were funnier.

Unfortunately, the lyrical ineptitudes of ‘ Murph’ the Wombats’ front man, actually detract from the attention grabbing, if one dimensional melodies. ‘Kill the Director’ and ‘Moving to New York’ lure the listener into a false sense of security, as at this point the moaning hasn’t begun to grate and the catchy hooks have you tapping your feet along happily. In fact, it is also on these songs that any shred of wit and humour are just about detectable. However, by the time the album limps to a close with ‘My first wedding’ you’re not really listening anymore.

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ev Metal, where have you gone? Where are the days of Test Icicles now? I remember seeing you playing Leeds Faversham in a horrifically tight pair of jeans which must have left you nigh on impotent, though all I see you wear these days are peruvian hats whilst surrounded by small woodland creatures. I must be brutally honest, I'm a little confused.

Confused, and yet vastly pleqased. This new musical change of heart is like, well, music to my ears. No longer are my phonological receptors subjected to ear-splitting pain in the vain name of indie rock. In its place, the gentle whine of slide guitars, double basses and that drum noise that is sort of swishy. Country may take a while to get used to, considering your thrashy, grimy, horrificly unmelodic roots. But before we get all schmultzy, it is refreshing to hear words that are not simply about Uncle Muntzie stealing the tractor and taking it down to the hog pen on I-136. Listen carefully, and the lyrics to this ostensibly smooth album leave you dumbfounded in the Somerfield queue, drop-jaw, a tub of marge in one hand and your milk pouring liberally across the floor.

"As we kiss and i'm sick in your mouth" was a particular favourite and tickled us pink, whilst the brilliant juxtaposition of close harmony voclas and "kill, kill, kill when everything starts to suck" saw us rubbing our bellies with delight. Where do you think up such clever witticisms?

You obviously are not just a one trick pony, and are incredibly intelligent. Not the least bit pretentious either, not at all. Ever.

Perfect for listening to in the bath, the cunning use of country to convey such angst and profanity begins to grate and the album unfortunately decends into self-parody. Much like this review.

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Out Now New York’s Vampire Weekend have just finished touring with The Shins, and their reggae tinged brand of American indie is likely to remain a cult concern just like Zach Braff ’s favourite band. For this single, and its the B side‘, Ladies of Cambridge’ certainly reveal a band bursting with originality and talent.

'Mansard Roof'

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Foals’ my space page describes them as ‘snotty art school types hungry for the dollar’. And with gloriously catchy electro-indie like this it is impossible to see their hunger not being satisfied. Whilst ‘ Balloons’ lacks the stomping bass line of ‘Hummer’, their best song to date, it will still be a regular feature of just about every indie disco up and down the country.

Foals will probably end up being lumped into the ‘new rave’ bracket, although a band of their quality deserves somewhat better.

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Operator Please are fast becoming one of those bands whose name you see everywhere, without actually being able to name one of their songs. But all that should change now, ‘Leave it alone’ suggests that we may well see a lot more of them in the coming months. It is a joyful slice of electro rock, powered by an irresistible keyboard riff, which sounds delightfully similar to The Sounds’ Painting by Numbers.

'Leave it Alone'

Operator Please

The third single to be released from Kate Nash’s shamelessly overhyped debut album is a thankful re-assurance to those who held ‘foundations’ as an extreme guilty pleasure. The re-assurance being that your first impressions were in fact correct: she’s rubbish. The melody is catchy enough, but as soon as those cringe worthy faux cockney vocals enter the mix, it is difficult not to find yourself reaching instantly for the volume dial.

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tHE WOMBATS uckily, at only thirty-five minutes long, I didn’t have to endure this album for an insufferable amount of time but just over half an hour was quite enough for a band who can’t seem to decide whether they’re a punk, guitar or even a comedy outfit. Opening with a sound resembling a baulking noise on a broken record isn’t a great start, and the shouting rather than singing doesn’t give much credibility, leaving one wondering just how sore the singer’s throat must be after every song. Saying this, the music from the rest of the ensemble can be very listenable at certain points on tracks such as ‘Life Is a Blast’ and ‘Super Tonio’; at least until the vocals kick in the riffs are catchy and fun though can get a bit silly with excessive distortion.

With the enlightening lyrics ‘I listen to track one, I listen to track six, I listen to track nine…’ (you get the idea) the album is far from inspiring, leaving the listener wondering whether the track numbers actually refer to their ages (quite probable as their trombonist is only 13).

Their overall sound comprises some kind of bizarre hybrid mixing both Razorlight and the Sex Pistols which never really quite hits it off.

That complimented by a 30 second intro to ‘Everything Is Inflatable’ resembling the voice of a dalek played backwards does indeed make a ‘Jumbo Fiasco’. Though they may be amusing to see live, on record the joke wears thin.

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“People have tried to pigeon-hole us as “the new Bloc Party” or “the new Razorlight”, but their sounds have got absolutely nothing to do with us. I’ve been called "the next Johnny Borrell" which literally makes me want to go into the next room and hang myself. I’m supposedly the next guy that everyone hates and wants to smack in the teeth?

(Breaks into song) “All my liiife, tryin’ to make it in Americaaa”… That’s not me. The first rule we laid down when we formed was that there’s going to be no “boom-sha boom-sha”s or “wo-oh-oh”s - this band is about fall to the floor pop beats, motown rhythms, 60s French vibes… We don’t want to sound like anyone else.

Take out your ear plugs - they’re not another poorly recycled Libertines:

Despite only having played their first ever gig in January this year, Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong have already been labelled “the saviours of all things indie”. However, they reckon the media’s got them all wrong: “The fact that we’ve been described as indie makes me want to vomit” growls singer, Joe. “We‘re a pop band. When I think of “indie” music I think of students either cramming or crying. I want to make someone cry because of the way the song makes them feel, not because their exams are stressing them out!”

Strops will be busted if you call them "indie" :

As penance for not lazily calling themselves ‘the shadows’ or ‘the five lads’, there has of course been a media backlash. Thankfully, the band have stuck firmly to the tongue-twisting ‘Joe Lean and the Jing Jang Jong’ - members of which include bass player “Panda”, drummer “Bummer”, and singer Joe Lean (also known as Joe Van Moyland, Robin of Loxley and Joe Beaumont). Confused? Other two members Tom and Dom certainly are…

Have a heart attack: they're not a 'The - ' band:

Despite their rags and bone structures being number one on everyone’s Christmas list, they’re determined to have a place in your record collection as well as on your wall. “Everyone wants to take our picture, and at the moment we’re just five faces in

They're not just purdy faces:

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As well as being the singing, hind-shaking leader of the Jing Jong pack, you may also recognise the scamp as Thomas Tallis in the current BBC drama ‘The Tudors’, Sophie’s creepy brother in ‘Peep Show’ and the ex drummer of The Pipettes. Listen up Cowell, ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ grew legs.

You and Joe have met before:

The lads managed to get eight record labels a mite hot under the collar before having even played ten gigs, Zane Lowe labelled their song "where do you go" as "the hottest record in the world right now", NME have made them their official poster boys... does anyone have even a mild intolerance for this band?! Most young boys in their pointed shoes would be wetting their skinnies with excitement at this point. However, the Jangles aren’t ready to step into U2's boots just yet: “It’s been cool for us to have found success so quickly, and to have learned to play gigs in such grand atmospheres, but at the same time we just want to go and be five young boys playing rock n roll in seedy clubs in front of 150 people. Those gigs are the most fun and there’s no way we’re missing out on that. We want to be able to breathe as a band, and so after this arena tour we’re going back to the crappy venues where we’ll headline.” Such admirable modesty...

They don't believe their own hype:

Their wish has been granted - the band are finally out on the road. Go to any major gig this month and you can pretty much guarantee Joe and the boys will be the supporting act. So far they have been handpicked to join The Cribs on the 2008 NME Awards tour, Babyshambles, Dizzee Rascal, Kaiser Chiefs and CSS. Mess with the Jong, you mess with those fists...

We wanna be in their gang:

magazines. I doubt many people who see the prints actually know who we are because we’ve only had one single out and this is our first proper tour. Everyone should be entitled to a musical pallet and taste, it would just be nice to actually play for someone and have them decide for themselves whether they like us or not.”

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espite the fact that writers Wes Anderson, Jason Schwartzman and Roman Coppola had never actually been to India, that did not deter them from making a movie set there. Driven only by the wish to “write a movie about brothers,“ the three set about writing The Darjeeling Limited, the tale of the Whitman brothers, who decide to go on a “spiritual journey” one year after the death of their father. With the quirky performances of Jason Schwartzman, Adrian Brody and Owen Wilson, the audience is transported to the seemingly familiar world Anderson has cultivated in his previous films. Each brother struggles with his grief in a different way: timid Peter (Brody) pilfers his father’s possessions and clings to them in the hope of retaining a direct connection with him. Pedantic Francis (Wilson), after an attempted suicide, endeavors to inject love and meaning back into the fraternal bonds that have recently slackened by forcing his brothers to accompany him on a superficially spiritual train journey through India. Aloof Jack (Schwartzman) fluctuates between obsessive and passive, ultimately reaching breaking point as his brothers stretch him between various allegiances and brotherly responsibility. Each brother is a fascinating character study and feels slightly cramped when jammed in Anderson’s crowded, intimate frames; one could easily imagine each of them having his own story that stretches far before and after the scope of Darjeeling.

As the brothers struggle through their spiritual journey, they are followed by their impossibly large collection of suitcases, all embossed with their father’s initials. This is, of course, a metaphor for the baggage they carry internally, the feeling of loss and selfish pain that they inflict on themselves and each other over the course of their trip.

It is not until they are able to realize the utter impracticality of this “baggage” that they are able to understand and empathize with each other. While Anderson delivers his signature eclectic-yet-incredibly-orchestrated visuals, the dialogue remains too stark to maintain one’s avid interest. Characters speak in the earnest, esoteric way that only Anderson’s characters can, yet they lack the humorous tone that usually insulates them (and the audience) from harsh reality. It appears that this time Anderson has sought to create a film that deals with real life issues and lessons; yet with its meager discourse and preoccupation with aesthetics, the audience is left wondering what those lessons actually are.

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ased on a true story, this is a grime-coated gangster epic that lacks the Hollywood glisten; an understated and uncompromising dramatisation of crime culture. Selling his own ultra-potent brand of heroin, Blue Magic, Sixties Kingpin Frank Lucas - played by Denzel Washington - reportedly made $1 million a day. Undermining the Mafia, he ingeniously cut out the middle man, smuggling drugs straight from the fields of Vietnam, all of it deviously hidden in coffins - draped in the American flag - carrying U.S. soldiers back home.

Looking dishevelled as ever, Russell Crowe plays Richie Roberts, the narcotics cop trying to send him down. Contrasting against Lucas - a devoted family man - the good-guy is a serial womaniser, who neglects his kid and fights with his exwife, but unlike the other officers, doesn’t take underhand bribes - which throws the film's moral composition into contention. Often, we find ourselves warming to Washington’s character - whilst he does smash a guy's head repeatedly into a piano (showing remorse only for the blood stained carpet), he then buys his little old mum a house. How sweet. The story here isn’t black-and-white, and neither are the racial stereotypes. In American Gangster you don’t know who to empathise with, and moreover, who to detest.

Evocative of all things afro, the film's Sixties Harlem setting harks back to Blaxploitation cinema, with modern urban influences coming by way of rappers T.I, RZA and Common, who produce powerful performances. Careful not to glorify content in any way however, Ridley Scott contrasts the bling and bad aspects of the drugs trade. In one section, he flickers the camera between the Lucas family’s grand Thanksgiving dinner, and repulsive scenes in which junkies, babies wailing helplessly beside them, pump heroin into their veins, reminding us just what, and who, paid for the turkey.

Washington and Crowe are compelling and believable, but in a film so dialogue intensive - punctuated only by intensely graphic, short burst of action (that recapture your attention) - they should have shared more screen time. Consequently, their two stories, for the vast majority of the film, feel detached. Both are left to play off less talented supporting actors.

Intense and immersive, American Gangster is worth watching. But with a talented cast, including Cuba Gooding Jr and Chiwetel Ejiofor, a big-budget production process and a proven director in Ridley Scott, it just didn’t live up to its potential.

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dapting a popular novel for the screen must feel like a losing battle. Despite its artful beginnings in Bangladesh, this streamlined adaptation of Monica Ali’s celebrated novel seems either to invite criticism, or else pre-empt it. A lot to take on for first-time director Sarah Gavron.

The story centres on 17-year-old Nazneen, who upon her mother’s suicide is sent from Bangladesh to marry an educated, if foolish, older man. Sixteen years later, we find her still living in his Brick Lane flat, mourning the loss of her son, and failing to identify with her British daughters. The film develops as she attempts to break out of her flat, to confront her husband. Taking a young lover, we watch as their initial tenderness slowly corrupts under his increasingly misguided branch of Islamic fundamentalism in a post-9/11 Britain.

With such sensitive issues, you have to feel for Gavron. The complexities of the novel's narration were always going to be difficult to translate to the screen. Whilst Zadie Smith’s equally intricate White Teeth has been consigned to a TV mini-series, Brick Lane has been stripped to its barest narrative to achieve cinematic form, sacrificing subplots for the story of Nazneen and her development in confidence. Where the film focuses upon Nazneen and her lover, with increasingly intrusive close-ups, you begin to realise how slighted this leaves the social concerns of the novel.

Tannistha Chatterjee’s sensitive and subtle performance makes Nazneen and her situation utterly believable. Yet for something so understated the viewer requires more investment from the filmmaker. Despite the suggestively fluid camerawork, as Nazneen gets stronger and more confident, such developments seem guarded and overcautious.

Likewise, what would appear to be rich, if difficult, areas of Islamic extremism and arranged marriages are compromised upon, in one scene replacing the riots on Brick Lane with the bustling commute of Liverpool Street Station. Such changes leave something missing and Brick Lane the optimistic product of a fan who doesn’t quite have the balls to replicate it.

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power; who wants to watch Love Actually in July, for instance? In a film where Christmas is integral to the plot, its audience outside December is debatable to say the least.

There’s also the arguable element of overkill – be honest, does anyone really need or want to see The Santa Clause 3? The second one was bad enough (although I’ll grant you, the first one was funny in parts – but I was eight when I saw it, so the jury may still be out). Likewise, whilst Mara Wilson (a.k.a.

career). So what did – if, indeed it has expired and gone to the big Blockbuster in the sky?

To a large extent, the lack of decent Christmas movies can be blamed by the recent rise of the fantasy film. When you have your dose of magic and snow in the likes of The Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, The Chronicles of Narnia and The Golden Compass, it’s questionable how necessary a film set specifically a Christmas is to a cinematic marketplace which effectively offers the same thing in a different guise. And to be honest, when said fantasy films are raking in hundreds of millions of dollars worldwide and fuelling the industry to cash in on various children’s books (thereby tapping into their instant audience), the niche market of the Christmas film seems to be getting squeezed. Likewise, they don’t have the same year-round selling

Matilda – where is she now?) and Richard Attenborough are sweet enough to give you a toothache on their own, their co-starring in Miracle on 34th Street did little to nothing to improve on the original. So maybe that’s the problem: we don’t actually need any more Christmas films. And to be fair, the ones we have are quite good – It’s a Wonderful Life, for instance, should be shown every Christmas Eve by law for its unique take on the age-old ‘I wish I’d never been born’ device so cruelly exploited by years of bad sitcoms. And, in the grand tradition that Kermit, Miss Piggy and co improve almost any classic story, The Muppet Christmas Carol is quite possibly the peak of Jim Henson’s talent.

Similarly, there is no hard and fast rule that says a Christmas theme has to damage the film in terms of frequent viewings. Tim Burton in particular is a master of the alternative Christmas movie, with the multi-festival Nightmare Before Christmas, Edward Scissorhands and Batman Returns all offering his unique take on the festive season. Similarly, Joe Dante’s fabulously anarchic Gremlins doesn’t let its taking place at Christmas detract from its nostalgic destruction (I defy you to not be simultaneously disgusted and amused by the one that gets microwaved). You could arguably consider such films without their festive elements and they’d have no less value in entertainment terms, but it’s by no means an aspect to begrudge.

So rejoice, festive film lovers, for you have been given a gift: the gift of DVDs, constant 3 for £20 deals in HMV, cold dark December afternoons and industrial quantities of hot drinks. And you have nostalgia, because, let’s face it, all the good Christmas movies were made before we were teenagers. But don’t stop occasionally letting those Christmas spirits rise as you look wistfully in the direction of Cityscreen – maybe, just maybe, there’s a new Christmas classic waiting in the wings. Whether Fred Claus and The Santa Clause 3 are that classic, however, seems doubtful. sil viverunulos, pon actorit

THE LACK OF DECENT CHRISTMAS MOVIES COULD BE BLAMED ON FANTASY FILMS

nce upon a time, you could look at upcoming films for December and rest safe in the knowledge that there would be at least one quality festive movie ‘this holiday season’ (to use that hideous American phrase). Yet in recent years there has been a considerable lack of quality films that you can waste a mildly dreary winter afternoon watching in a cinema, and instead they’ve been replaced by what initially looks promising but ends up being tragic dross and eats six of your not-so-hard-earned English pounds, providing you have some student loan left of course.

The most recent example of this is Vince Vaughn’s latest offering, Fred Claus, about Santa’s irresponsible frat-boy brother (the sort of role that by now Vaughn could probably play standing on his head and singing Le Marseillaise). Whilst it could be a pleasant surprise in the vein of 2003’s Will Ferrell vehicle Elf, which had the necessary element of heart-warming goodness needed when it’s cold outside and you’ve dented your overdraft buying people halfway decent presents, the national reviews seem to suggest Fred Claus is one of those movies where all the funny bits are in the trailer– which admittedly will raise a chuckle – and the rest of it is dire. It worryingly smacks of being another nail in the metaphorical Brat Pack coffin.

But Fred Claus most certainly didn’t kill the Christmas movie (though we can’t yet say the same of its effect on Vince Vaughn’s

O

Laura Cooney mourns a disappointing crop of festive cinema, and asks: Is the Christmas film truly dead?

Art dealer Bernard Bottle (played by Alan Cumming - yes, we have read and enjoyed it, now let’s move on) is not having a very good day. He’s just lost his job and his girlfriend’s run off with his best friend, taking most of his flat with her, apart from an old lamp. Of course, you can guess what happens next; Bernard rubs the lamp and out pops Josephus, an overweight dreadlocked black genie (Lenny Henry) who Bernard introduces to the delights of strawberry ice cream and Arnold Schwarzenegger movies. It’s all going swimmingly until Bernard unwittingly wishes for the Mona Lisa and is promptly accused of stealing it…

A delightfully silly surreal adventure with endless quoting possibilities, mostly from Lenny Henry – his reference to Bernard’s boss (Rowan Atkinson) as “a very large turd in a horrible pink shirt” is a moment of genius – and featuring cameos from a host of early 90’s celebrities, including Melvyn Bragg and Gary Lineker, Bernard and the Genie is a criminally overlooked Christmas classic which rightfully deserves a place in the BBC’s annual festive schedule. It may not be the most laugh-outloud film but it’s bound to raise several grins, and despite a loose ending is sure to provide an ideal alternative to the Queen’s speech when you’re too full to move on Christmas Day.

Bernard and the Genie (Paul Weiland, 1991)

Cult Classic

LISTINGS

And Mel Gibson isn’t the only guy that can pull off a skirt. Russell Crowe dresses fairly indecently, cue jokes about his little flappy thing and I’m still talking about his skirt. Maximus is betrayed, his family is slaughtered, so he must fight his way to the top in the Colloseum, I won’t spoil the ending, but he dies.

gladiator

America re-writes history yet again, making the whole William Wallace legend/ history of Scottish-English conflict thing far more Hollywood. His family dies, his wife pops it, all Mel has left is a thirst for revenge.

So soon he’s getting up to plenty of mischief - killing soldiers and generally telling us all about “freedom”.

It’s sad because so many Englishmen needlessly die.

Joking, of course.

BRAVEHEART

Oil worker in spacesuit blows up burning meteorite plummeting towards earth with giant nuclear weapon, thus saving the whole planet and life as we know it. Only vest-wearing, shiny-headed hardman Bruce Willis possesses the emotional range to pull that one off convincingly. Especially considering his scenes with the wooden plank that is Ben Affleck.

ARMAGEDDON

Hard to decide the most emotionally charged scene in the whole movie; it’s either when Maverick escapes certain death, parachuting into the ocean from his falling plane, and as he floats in the water, he desperately clutches Goose’s lifeless body... or perhaps it’s the beach volleyball montage.

Either or - I can’t decide.

top gun

Not an obvious choice - but I didn’t see that iceberg coming, and neither did the guy in the crows nest. It’s a higly kept secret, but there weren’t enough lifeboats on the ship. Shocking, I know.

More importantly, Leo and Kate - they were meant to be t o g e t h e r.

Forever.

TITANIC

by mARK cIOMBER

Top 5 Tear-JERKERS FOR MEN

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INGLE ALL THE WAY?

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: Dead.

Heroes Origins, a spin-off of its sister show Heroes, was suppose to follow 30 individuals realising that they have special supernatural abilities. Heroes and Heroes Origins have seem to have dropped off the radar all together. Don’t worry though. NBC have announced that it would replace the slot with The Biggest Loser, a fat binged slim-fest when the ultimate aim for obese hopefuls is to loose the most amount of lard from your thighs as possible by putting down pies and going on an exercise machine. How the mightiness of taste have fallen.

HEROES

How long will this last for?

This issue may take months to resolve. Worse of all is that the longer it goes on, the more that shows will be affected. Although this has only been going on for weeks right now, the effect for our viewing habits may be rather brutal in the months to come. Here are the shows that have already been affected....

Does this campaign have a lot of support in the US? Well celebrities have been seen picking up their banners, wearing substantially less make-up and yelling on the streets with their writing chums a lot recently. And some how remarkably this is all in front of the cameras. Jack Black, Robin Williams, Ben Stiller, Jay Leno, Lisa Kudrow, Matthew Perry and the whole cast of Ugly Betty and Desperate Housewives have been seen campaigning in the last few weeks. Eva Longoria from Desperate Housewives was also seen delivering pizzas to ‘hungry’ striking workers protesting outside the set of the programme, remarkably in front of photographers and splashed across all of the international gossip weeklies . A big publicity stunt or a direct visible stand-off between executives and writers? Somehow I’m thinking maybe a bit of both are in play.

Well, how much do the writers want? And when will this fiasco be resolved?

United Hollywood, a campaign group supporting the writers strike have said that for the situation to be resolved writers should have $125 million extra a year in their contract, defending themselves by stating that this is minimal against the $140 million ‘goodbye gift’ to a recently departed Walt Disney executive. Although there are arguments by some that this is a greedy act and TV writers already earn a handsome sum, some have fought back and claimed that they only get a wage of $60000 (£28,000). Talks have broken down, picket lines have been erected and even the Governer of California has been drafted in due to possible threats to the overall Hollywood economy.

But Internet TV hasn’t made that much of an impact hasn’t it?

A video posted on the internet by Daily Show writers have claimed that TV Production Company Viacom makes $500 million a year in online sales of TV shows alone, but writers don’t get a penny of these profits because TV Executives argue that there is no market for internet TV.so there is no need to pay higher wages.

Clearly, like all strikes, it comes down to money. Writers have fallen out with TV Executives because they claim that they are not getting any share of online sales of their programming such as via iTunes.

What is this strike about?

t’s time to get rid of your TV licence. A walkout by The Writers Guild of America this month has meant that all mainstream American television drama and comedy shows are on hold for the first time since 1988. And as a direct consequence, we are heading to an apocalypse of reality shows, American repeats and pure rubbish filler as TV networks attempt to fill space. Worst of all the cost of keeping production on hold for an indefinite amount of time has meant that new shows may become unsustainable and may consequently become axed. So far shows such as Heroes Origins have been axed and it is speculated that the final ever episode of Scrubs will never be shown on TV.

I

Just what will be the consequences of the American Scriptwriter's strike?

Scott Bryan is worried.

HEROES ORIGINS: AXED SCRUBS: UNFINISHED DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES: HIATUS

Unfinished (and may never be shown)

Paul remembers Gus’s murder and informs the police, shattering his relationship with Rebecca. Oliver finds out that he has some worrying money news and Ringo decides to cheat an exam and then suffers the consequences. In Lou discovers why Mickey is so blummin' moany.

THIS WEEK...

Fox have stated that they have suspended 24 indefinitely as they wanted to ensure that the full series will be broadcasted in full when the strike is over. So far there are no claims that the series would be reduced, many arguing that the whole point of the show would be ruined. 18, or 23 doesn’t seem to have that same ring.

STATUS: Several episodes unfinished

24

As of start of last month, only eleven episodes have been filmed, when the original intention was to film twelve for the final season.

This has consequently meant that the final ever episode has not been filmed, and may never be shown on TV. However, don’t despair.

The show has been replaced with an extended series of Celebrity Apprentice.

STATUS:

SCRUBS

Shit late night films and Eastenders.

Enjoy.....

AS WELL AS THIS:

Why they have to drag out momentous ‘winner takes all’ reality show all year and then slightly change the name and call it a christmas special I have no idea, but Maria meets Joseph and Strictly Come Dancing return.

ENTERTAINMENT:

This is where it all falls down. Dawn French is yet again starring in the undoubtedly dire Jam and Jerusalem, the tired My Family sitcom special will be unfunny and dragged in the early Christmas evening yet again and in the spirit of ‘lets bring back a reasonably humorous sitcom featuring two reasonable stars which will be less funny as the original’ concept: To the Manor Born. In good news though the last ever Extras episode will be shown on BBC One with some surprise cameos as usual.

SITCOMS:

DRAMA: Doctor Who with Kylie Minogue. Makes little sense as she is not playing herself but instead a waitress serving food on the sinking Titanic. Meanwhile, Shadow in the North, the sequel to the hugely successful Ruby in the Smoke shown last year and the Old Man Curiosity Shop seem to be cultural highlights for this season.

This year films will mainly be Finding Nemo and the frankly crap sequel Meet the Fockers on BBC One, with Casino Royale previewing on Sky Movies alongside Happy Feet.

FILMS:

Probe that turkey, cut down those pine trees, maintain your unhealthy diet and get into more debt... Christmas is on its way. So, what’s on the box apart from c-grade family sitcom specials, Queenie and the overly posh and pompous period drama? Not much. No preview tapes were delivered to Vision Towers, but I’ve scoured the media press offices and this is what's on.

XMAS TELLY

no more heroes TURN OFF:

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Kate Atkinson laughs a lot; even when she’s isn’t chuckling away, her voice has a jolly lilt that suggests she’s about to start. Naturally garrulous, she is entertaining company: an elegant 56 year old dark blonde in a thick winter coat, which she automatically burrows into.

Seeing this habit, I’m not surprised when she announces, “Bed’s a good place to write. A very unhealthy place though…It spoils the beauty of sleeping in a sense, when it’s been your work suface all day. It’s full of crumbs, it’s dishevelled.” A scenario reminiscent of days spent

phenomenon: “It’s not the same in America, women’s writers are given a lot more standing over there. Writers like Alice Hoffman and Anne Tyler, they’re recognised as being women’s writers, writing about women’s subjects, but they’re not seen as being in some kind of box, unlike British women writers. It’s strange…”

In a gleefully defiant move, Atkinson is planning to write a deliberately feminine novel, provisionally titled ‘The War on Women’, tracing women’s lives throughout

Arden in ‘Human Croquet’ are full of secret and scandal; the Cambridge of ‘Case Histories’ swelters with summer claustrophobia; Dundee, in ‘Emotionally Weird’, baffles with its eccentricities. “I really like sense of place,” Atkinson enthuses. “And I like creating sense of space because I like creating atmosphere, imagined atmosphere, so it’s quite important. Everyone always asks me this – although I don’t really start it up as a character, it’s just set where it is.

And then I suppose it rather takes on a life of its own.”

Fictionalised, her settings do, in fact, almost become characters. They are more than recognisable, but Atkinson has cheerfully, though apologetically, performed mild geographical hoodoos - the streets of Edinburgh in ‘One Good Turn’ turn topsy-turvy under the guise of poetic licence, while the most tragic aspect of Gillian's premature death in ‘Behind the Scenes’ is that it occurred while waiting for a taxi from York Theatre Royal to the Shambles: wholly unnecessary, no? Atkinson giggles sheepishly. “Copywriter’s error.”

the century, from the suffragettes to the world wars to the swinging sixties (in between perennially planning a potentially bizarre and wrath-provoking collection of stories based on biblical tales). Her third novel starring the stroppy Eeyore of a private detective, Jackson Brodie, is due out next year. Given that Jackson spends much of the novel in a coma, it might seem that Atkinson is inclined to escape from male protagonists. Or just fed up with one in particular?

“I like Jackson a lot,” she objects. “But yes, I do seem to be trying to get rid of him, or shut him up! It’s been very interesting carrying characters on from one book to the next, I haven’t done that before and I rather wish I had. I liked Gloria in ‘One Good Turn’, I’d like to bring her back – I seemed to have an affinity with Gloria. There’s certain characters I do rather take with me.”

Even so, she is far from subscribing to the view that characters possess authors and take on a life of their own. “I am the writer, I am in control. And that way madness lies…

People say to me, ‘Oh, this character came to me fully formed,’ and you think, ‘What a strange idea,’ but it’s true. They really do just suddenly develop and you kind of take them from there.”

Which is probably a good thing, since many of Atkinson's end up on mortuary slabs. “Death, particularly unnatural death, fascinates me but it also horrifies me, and art is a very safe forum for exploring your own feelings about mortality. In our society we see death on television in other countries, but we don’t experience death in the way that we would have done a hundred years ago. I read a biography of Emily Dickinson and so many people she knew were dead by the time she was sixteen. We don’t have that. I do think that’s why TV crime is so popular. Sadly very voyeuristic – but then, what isn’t?” never found the freedom that they watched their daughters gain. It’s a very frustrated generation in some ways.”

For all her sympathy with the female cause, Atkinson is at her most vehement when discussing the femininity that critics and bookshops persist in ascribing to her novels. “Family saga and women’s fiction are actually perjorative terms - people pretend that they’re not, but they are! We are an incredibly sexist country still, it’s so subtle we don’t even see it any more.

Such categorisation is a way of demeaning women writers, of setting them apart from all those serious writers, the South-East London literary boys who still have the notion that women’s writing is all about baking.”

This, she argues, is a peculiarly British

changes, yet they

UNNATURAL DEATH FASCINATES ME

wallowing in essay madness; unfortunately for those of us seeking a role model, Atkinson is far less prone to procrastination than your average student. An early riser, she tends to migrate around her Edinburgh house while writing. “I write in bed when it’s really tense, as I find I need to huddle up, but I write in every room in the house. I really am a very random writer.”

However random she thinks herself, there are definite parallels to be drawn between all of her novels. Certainly, the first three (‘Behind the Scenes’, ‘Human Croquet’ and ‘Emotionally Weird’) all have one standout theme in common: relationships between bewildered daughters and their often absconding, always unorthodox mothers. One would be forgiven for suspecting a traumatised childhood beneath the prose's sparky hilarity.

Atkinson dismisses this with trademark dry amusement. “Not really, no! I do think women of my generation have more problematic mothers - sometimes, not naming my mother specifically! Her generation is the one that went through the war, and through many social

BED'S A GOOD PLACE TO WRITE. A VERY UNHEALTHY PLACE THOUGH...

magine a York without the snap-happy tourist hordes clogging up Skeldergate Bridge.

Or the acne attack of Adidas-sporting teenagers making outlandish noises in McDonald’s.

Or that odd breed of creature that one minute dresses in a skimpy pirate costume, the next a paranoid bundle of fleece (because it’s cold oop north): the student.

Instead, picture the delightfully dark labyrinth of side-streets, back-alleys, hidden pubs: all unspoilt. That’s the York of Whitbread Award winner Kate Atkinson’s childhood. “The York I remember is a very Victorian place, a more Dickensian place. It was a kind of dark, narrow alleyway land, although of course the history is just a quaint add-on when you live here.” With a wry wistfulness, she gazes into the distinctly non-Dickensian surroundings of Langwith snack bar and muses on the decline of York: “You come back and it’s a bit chav! It’s gone downhill a lot. I’m sorry to say that, but it seems a bit raw compared to the very genteel place that it used to be. It doesn’t feel like my home town – I mean obviously it’s very familiar but it just doesn’t have that heart-tug.”

In every one of Atkinson’s novels, there is a thrilling potency of place: she is never content to allow setting to function as a mere backdrop. The lush, leaf-crunching forests of

I

NAOMI LEVER talks to award winning writer, York-born Kate Atkinson...

KATE HISTORIES

INTERVIEW

THE KATE ATKINSON SELECTION...

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New Holland Publishers: £7.99

Poetry Salzburg: £7.95

AMY SHACKLETON

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EMILIE ROOHAN

his collection of correspondences showcases Munroe’s attempts to pitch his 46 ‘best ideas’ to various businesses and organisations. That these schemes were devised during Thursday night sessions at his favourite London pubs indicates the irreverent nature of the hoax letters. Whilst the format may lack originality, within Munroe’s eccentric humour can be found some comic gems. Playful religious proposals include ‘the Holy Toaster, designed to burn a variety of religious images’ and the more controversial proposal to British Airways for an ‘Atheist Airlines’, for those who wish to ‘avoid travelling with religious fundamentalists’. Other innovations read less as satire and more as credible, if not completely tasteful, business possibilities, such as itsmyfuneral.com, a website aimed at saving ‘relatives from a distressing chore’. Elsewhere, the missives are clearly constructed purely for laughs - such as the ‘’No. 1 Bigfella’ Swimming Trunks’, inspired by a tribe of Pacific Islanders ‘in honour of Prince Philip’.

It’s the dialogue between Munroe and his targets that really engages and entertains. The Senior Vice President of Unilever is revealed to have a sense of humour ‘Once more you bring light to my day’, whilst a baker firmly rejects the concept of a Celebrity Flanning Agency – ‘I take no pleasure in humiliating people with childish actions’. At times the jokes are strained, with the ‘Yuppie Holiday’ board game attacking an easy target, and the ‘Pavarotti Bouncy Castle’ lacking imagination. The book does provide some genuinely funny moments and innovative ideas, and is a welcome distraction to less amusing course texts.

P. K. Monroe

the thursday night letters

I did walk about campus with a joke bloodied axe dripping from my head whilst intoxicated. I also barked like a dog on college radio. I do a very good dog.

Silliest thing you did at York?

The actual politics department was outstanding and one particular member of staff taught me a lot about the importance of analytic skills and the foundations of British libertarian political thought. For my day-job, I manage a eurosceptic politics think tank in London now, and most of my basic research and analytic skills were formed at York.

What was your department like?

My favourite pub or restaurant is Oscar’s because I used to often go there with my girlfriend to neck several carafes of red wine. My favourite club was an underground one where they served cocktails and the girls dressed in skimpy dresses. I forget the name of it. My favourite campus event was the salsa dancing – it was magnificent. It was so fun and yes, it was bizarre being so intimate with people you don’t even know.

Favourite haunts?

Probably meeting my current girlfriend Sarah at university, who also lived over in D-block in Wentworth. I don’t remember the first time I met her although rather embarrassingly she does.

Best moment at York:

I was in Wentworth, which was a pretty good college to be in. I was a postgraduate studying political philosophy at York. I had a superb time, which is down to the great company. We had a great time just going out to the town and campus bars. I mostly ended up going to Wentworth and Goodricke for a pint.

Which college were you in?

Former York student turned poet answers Naomi Lever's questions:

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Mcconalogue

James

starry dandilion nighT

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iven that the poet in question here as a student at the University of York, interest should immediately be aroused by his debut anthology. For literature students, we might even search for a mentor, or an idealised view of where our creative talents may lead.

However, this enthusiasm is unfortunately short-lived.

Although the anthology is rich in linguistic ability and poetic imagination, neither of these attributes yield much originality and stumble between classical cliché and national identity. For example, the poem ‘A Winter Odyssey’ is entertaining for us locals in its description of Parliament Street, the Ouse and Fossgate, but, somewhat inexplicably, Jupiter and Galahad make an appearance too. This would be interesting, were the juxtaposition of mythology and parkin not so abrupt and confusing. We are given no sense of the poet’s purpose, other than perhaps the vain hope that the archaic tradition of including the gods might drag tea-time delicacies into the realms of profundity.

Some lines are genuinely beautiful, but perhaps their sparkle is only so striking given that they emerge from a strict and dull verse.

The introduction, written by Gregor Milne, reads like a defence of McConalogue in its description of the poet as ‘traditional’ and ‘careful’, and his ‘proud…wearing [of artistic] influences’ such as Auden only seems to indicate that some of the poems lean dangerously towards tributes, not original work. It seems clear to me that McConalogue has yet to find his true voice, or pick an original thematic arc and to express it.

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INTERVIEW

Karl Pilkington’s second exploration into the publishing world ‘Happy Slapped by a jellyfish; the words of Karl Pilkington’ (RRP £13) is a hilarious guide to traveling. Most famous for his slot in The Ricky Gervais Show on radio XFM back in 2001, Pilkington’s new book still contains anecdotes from the show as well as some new material and original drawings. Unlike his last book this is not a transcript and is written in his endearing vernacular style. To get the full effect from this book, you will have to believe that Pilkington is speaking from the heart when he extols his knowledge (or lack of) on a certain subject; you have to believe he is not pretending and saying things for comic effect.

You learn next to nothing about the places he visits on his travels but that doesn’t seem to matter as the hilarity of his musings and theories are content enough.

PILKINGTON FANS

Alan Bennett’s ‘The Uncommon Reader’ (RRP £11) lies upon the conceit that the Queen stumbles upon a mobile library in her grounds and upon borrowing a book, acquires a passionate thirst for literature. Her life becomes richer and more enjoyable through this discovery, so much so that she forgets her royal duties with disastrous consequences. The humour is dry and acerbic, relying on the fine line between a preposterous premise and the ironic reality. Bennett explores reading, writing and their effect on our lives; you are coaxed repeatedly to think about what the reading process does to you in this imaginative piece.

BENNETT FANS

Rose Tremain’s ‘The Road Home’(RRP £17) provides thought provoking insight into the life of Lev, a Polish migrant worker who travels to London seeking work after losing his job and his wife.

A moving and funny story which takes a look at modern Britain were celebrity culture rules and foreign workers toil away in the kitchens of London’s most up market restaurants for negligible wages. As the protagonist struggles to send enough money home for his mother and young daughter, he is helped by random acts of kindness from a diverse cast of characters. The novel is an uplifting and satisfying read, a perfect gift for Christmas.

TREMAIN FANS

A plethora of sporting chronicles are on offer this Christmas; football legend Bobby Charlton takes a nostalgic look back over his dazzling club career in ‘My Manchester United Days’ (RRP £20) . World Champion Racing Driver Jackie Stewart merges death and glory in his recollection of sporting life in ‘Winning Is Not Enough’ (RRP £20). Duncan Hamilton’s candid biography ‘Provided You Don’t Kiss Me: Twenty Years with Brian Clough’ portrays the vigour of a football manager who twice won the European Championship with Nottingham Forest (RRP £20).

SPORTS FANS

christmas books

Rebecca Black

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I and we see the characters’ obsession with behaving according to these prescribed codes.

Peter Nolan and Gilly Tompkins as Wilfred and Connie Craven capture the inseparability of intolerance and dependence in human relationships. Wilfred is sick of his wife’s forgetfulness – or more, her inability to remember that she forgets – and Connie can’t abide her husband’s unhygienic habits. Yet, at the end, Bennett presents us with the starkest image of dependence – a paralysed Wilfred whose blind eyes roll ferociously about his head to compensate for the lack of movement elsewhere.

Whilst the play is brilliantly cast all round, Tompkins is the production’s glue, her pointless but poignant ramblings threading the piece together. Nolan is excellent as the seedy, blind old man, giving orders from his armchair and venting his long-standing sexual frustration.

“There’s no foreplay, no afterplay and f*** all in between.”

Kath Dow Blyton is ideal as the shrill, brazen Linda, even giving way to a shade of gentleness by the end. And in the play’s midst, Alex Scott-Fairly as the uncomfortably detached Ms. Craig is poised, softly spoken, sympathetic, yet strangely not to be trusted.

The campness of the fantasy sequences that

from a dislike of the play per se.

If you trace Pinter’s career into the 1980s and ‘90s, however, the more domestic settings of plays like The Birthday Party and The Homecoming can seem rather cosy by comparison. Freed explains how, in Pinter’s later plays, he goes behind the scenes to look directly at the forces that are acting upon the victimised characters from his earlier plays, unbeknownst to them. These later works (such as One for the Road, The New World Order and Mountain Language) are generally more terse, brutal, and explicitly political than his earlier ones.

They seem to betray an angry, activist Pinter not scared to show the cruelty that humans are prepared to inflict upon one another. It was on such political grounds that Donald Freed and Pinter discovered their shared identity.

Prior to 1986 when they worked together, Freed comments chuckling, “We had never met, but it’s as if we had the same political DNA”. It is anger, Professor Mary Luckhurst of the University of York's Theatre, Film and Television deparment claims, that has kept Pinter alive.

Mountain Language, Pinter’s 1988 play and undoubtedly one of the most unsettling of his repertoire, looks at some “mountain” people, held captive and banned from using their own language, in favour of the “capitol” speak which most don’t know. In a series of harrowing scenes, the play addresses the power of language and how its removal de-humanises us. Students of Modern British and Irish Theatre at the University of York tackled this tough

Kafka, not to mention Strindberg, Pinter includes a mix of the wonderfully, often hilariously, familiar impinged on by the unknown. The hostile reactions that the first production of The Birthday Party received back in 1957 seemed to stem from people’s discomfort with the subject matter more than

nugget of a play and fleshed it out into their own inventive devised piece, Now You Can Speak, a project that Pinter himself expressed enthusiasm for.

Interspersing poignant monologues written by women trafficked into the UK and news reports of prosti-

THIS PIECE DOESN'T JUST TALK AT YOU, IT COMES TO LIFE

icture what it’d be like to work with Molière or Shakespeare – someone who acts, directs, but above all, writes”, is how resident York playwright, Donald Freed, responds when asked about his experience working with Harold Pinter. Winner of the Nobel Prize for Literature in 2005, a frail Pinter was shown speaking in a pre-recorded acceptance speech at the Swedish Academy in Stockholm – one of his few public appearances in years.

Despite a life of relative privacy, it is only now that Pinter seems to be more prominent in the public eye, despite serious ill-health. He starred in Beckett’s one-man play at the Royal Court, Krapp’s Last Tape in 2006, and, in 2007, was actively involved in the production of his revue sketches at the London Haymarket.

Pinter is notoriously cantankerous, however, critics and academics failing to draw much out of him regarding the ideas propelling his work. Even so, he is quick to dismiss the unhelpful term that critics’ have attached to his style – “Pinteresque”. He seems justified in being an awkward character, however, since Pinter’s plays are some of the most incredible of the century. Freed describes him as “the last man standing of his era”, and it is for this reason that Pinter’s works are enjoying a healthy wave of productions at the moment.

Drawing a lot from the writing of Beckett and

“P

Anna Wormleighton talks to Donald Freed about the increasing cruelty of Pinter's plays...

NOW YOU CAN SPEAK

f the critics are bemoaning the drought of new plays entering onto the British stage, then it’s time to look backwards as Damian Cruden and Juliet Forster have done in reviving Alan Bennett’s 1980 play, Enjoy. Despite the Leeds-born playwright’s immense theatrical success since the ‘80s, this play has largely gone unnoticed, making it a desperately under-performed piece.

Wilfred and Connie Craven are in their seventies and their world is being deconstructed around them. Not falling apart, because it’s being deliberately orchestrated by a group of sycophantic, slimy “sociologists”. It’s tragic to see people whose worlds are dissolving, guarding their last shreds of identity by fiercely battling against change. “Mam, this is the twentieth century!” an incensed Linda claims. And it’s never more tragic than in Cruden and Forster’s powerful production.

The set is slanted so that you’re looking on at the living room from a slightly skewed angle.

You feel unofficial, more like you’re prying than if you’d be given a confidant, full-on view. And this is what the play addresses: strange external forces coming into our lives to observe, and to judge, us.

“What is normal?” is a question we are repeatedly faced with,

Alan Bennett's Enjoy, York Theatre Royal 07/11/07

Mountain Language and Now You Can Speak was produced at the Dixon Studio Theatre, Wentworth College, 22-24 November 2007.

tutes protesting about the closure of brothels by sewing their lips together, Now You Can Speak throws a contemporary light on Pinter’s idea of the silenced individual – whether that’s through forced or voluntary silence. While some of the acting lacked the tyrannical force that Pinter had intended, nevertheless, the piece gave a chilling insight into what happens when we are forbidden access to language. With audience members having been marched to their seats, arms behind backs, by some of the actors, it was clear this piece would not just talk at you – it would bring to life a very experience. As a disgruntled man behind me commented, “We’re all being told where to sit. Pisses me off ”. But then why should spectators of a play be in a comfort zone watching characters suffer? Surely the power of theatre derives from a shared, empathetic experience.

Since now, in a more mellow and open-minded old age, it is understandable why Pinter supports the expansion of his play Mountain Language, even if, at times, it threatens to lose its way. When Pinter’s familiar dialogue returned at the end, it felt a lot of light had been shed, questions thrown up, and you left feeling raw, a little numb and, frankly, frightened to speak.

ANNA WORMLEIGHTON

Cruden and Forster have inserted into the action only highlight how escape from the rancid world in which the Cravens exist is a far-fetched and unachievable ideal.

At the end, the sinister swarm of sociologists dissemble the set around the characters, panel by panel, until we are left with a gaping black hole of a stage and Connie’s persistent, but not altogether sane, optimism.

It isn’t often you see a regional production quite so pregnant and ready to give birth into the West End. If a producer doesn’t spot its potential, then we can deduce, as Connie does, that it’s just not “normal” behaviour.

black comedy at its best

INTERVIEW

MUSIC

FILM

TV

BOOKS

I

A

ny play self-styled as ‘a massive, probing spotlight seeking out the British Muslim’ sets itself up for an ambitious investigation. Wake-Up Call traces the journey of Zeinab, a young, British Muslim woman, grappling for a coherent identity. Amongst a flurry of riots and racism, extremist and moderate religious viewpoints, a provocative press and a banal rebellion, she must consolidate her role as an individual in a volatile environment where she is defined by everything else but herself. The expectations that glue together the collage of ‘multicultural’ Britain, though colourful and intense, is inherently demarcated by difference, and, like Zeinab, finds itself fragmented and fractured.

Wake-Up Call blends humour with political shrewdness, eccentric characters with a credible heroine. While the play takes place in chaotic times, its most dramatic scenes are cloistered within quiet, domestic interiors and within Zeinab herself. Vibha Sharma, who portrays the lead role with coruscating conviction and unrelenting inquisitiveness, draws the audience along her sympathetic journey from teenage activist to disheartened adult. Matthew Springett also provides consistently entertaining performances as he slips in and out of diverse roles, from the snooty reporter to the affectionate Andrew.

The play encounters problems when Zeinab directly addresses the audience, straightforwardly relating the themes of the play rather than integrating them into the main action. The most involving moments are when the speeches disappear and we’re presented with a humorous domestic scene, arguments over chai or an emotionally violent dinner party. Wake-Up Call offers a disturbing insight into the emptiness that underscores the pomp and circumstance of the media-frenzied demand for self-definition. Eventually, Zeinab finds a voice but it is ultimately a broken one. There are no answers: only shouts that fall on a wall of deaf ears. Indeed, Wake Up Call stands as a bold, refreshing play that rings with a powerful and vital resonance.

SHARMIN AHAMMAD ✰✰✰✰✰

Drama Barn

WAKE UP CALL

t’s an idea that was bound to come into fruition at some point soon in a world where music is becoming increasingly bound up with technology. The music department at the University of York have made history, however, in having the first musicians to form a Laptop Orchestra.

The York Worldscape Laptop Orchestra premiered at the Jack Lyons Concert Hall on the 14 and 15 November conducted by Dr. Ambrose Field, senior lecturer of Music at the University of York and director of the whole project. It featured fifty student musicians seated on the floor with Apple MacBooks, using mouses and multiple clicks to create a wash of amplified sounds.

“I approached Apple to support the project”, explains Field, “as I didn’t want to have to demand that each student own their own laptop just to take part”.

Despite the bizarre feel of the project and the apparent isolation of each musician, Field emphasises the fact that the Laptop Orchestra is based on the essence of any classical orchestra, highlighting the importance of human interacANNA WORMLEIGHTON

While this was by far the most novel part of the evening, the really impressive element was the showcasing of second and third years’ ensemble compositions. Based around the idea of Worldscape, the pieces addressed, through sounds and inventive visuals, issues prevalent in our world today such as the Aparteid Wall, pollution, waste, globalisation and our reliance on instant communication.

The pieces highlighted the wealth of talent in the department as well as the creativity of the students in experimenting with new sounds and techniques, showing music to be both an adventurous and aesthetic form. It’s rare to see such a vast number of inventive, talented musicians all in one place. And here we have them – right on our doorstep.

CULTURE

I

’m not sure what James Robson was thinking when he wrote this play. More to the point, I’m not sure what scope Yellow Leaf Theatre saw in it when they took it on. Scribbler and Spouse is Robson’s most recent, unapologetically autobiographical play where the protagonist Scribbler (quite clearly Robson) lectures the audience didactically on his life and what it is to be a writer for the full two hours. His rambling rants are only punctuated by brief prompts from his wife, Spouse, who bickers, contradicts, teases, but, nevertheless, ultimately loves her egotistical husband. (We can’t see why.)

“Oh God, I’d hate to be an actor!” Spouse exclaims at one point. I can assure you, in this case, it is far more unpleasant to be on the receiving end. Robson has had the audacity to assume that banal anecdotes and stories from his limited career, featuring writing for The Archers and Emmerdale, is enough to sustain our interest. Instead, it is like having an incredibly boring couple to dinner; one talks incessantly whilst egged on by the other, because they both know jolly well that you can’t go anywhere.

To write from experience is the key to good writing; to write purely about experience, as is proved here, is simply a cheek.

Mostly the humour is drawn from Scribbler’s abuse of greater writers and places than he has encountered: he slags off Ayckbourn and refers to the Almeida Theatre as “a high-brow poofs’ parlour”.

It’s a shame that Robson’s play is so stodgily dull, selfindulgent and lacking in imaginative energy, because on display here are two fine actors. Alan Meadows as Scribbler is Lear-like and Venessa Rosenthal as Spouse brings out the sensitivity of her character, especially in her brief monologues, before being shoved to the background by her obnoxious husband. Even Chris Williamson’s tasteful direction isn’t enough to rescue this play from its boredom and irksome self-satisfaction. It’s like a weedy James Robson taking off his clothes without being asked, and us frowning in astonished disapproval at what we see. Read Robson’s biog in the programme instead – it’ll save you a lot of time.

ANNA WORMLEIGHTON ✰✰✰✰✰

York Theatre Royal

SCRIBBLER AND THE SPOUSE

tion and listening to other players. Delighted with the success of the project, he modestly plays down his own efforts, effusively praising his musicians instead. “The level of innovation displayed by the students was outstanding. They produced a multimedia work of the highest standard”.

One of the pieces written for the Laptop Orchestra was by music graduate student Alex Harker, entitled Swarms. It featured York Music graduate and renowned trumpeter Matthew Postle, who in the past has played with members of the Lincoln Centre and Count Basie Jazz Orchestras. The piece consisted of Postle experimenting with a spectrum of unlikely sounds from his trumpet. These ranged from wailings created from dissembling the instrument to Postle blowing raspberries down his mouthpiece. The solo trumpet was accompanied by the Laptop Orchestra using live video tracking and the intriguing effect of players waving their hands and scraps of paper in front of the screen for the laptops’ internal cameras to transform the kinetic into sound.

futuristic intruments: The age of the laptop

INTERVIEW

he Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, until 2 February 08, West Yorkshire Playhouse, Leeds.

Back by popular demand following a sell-out run in 2004, come and enjoy the adventures of Narnia in Ian Brown's imaginative revival of this classic.

T

S

inbad the Sailor, 13 December-2 February 08, York Theatre Royal.

Berwick and the gang are back for another hilarious panto. A show for adults and children alike.

F

lare: Contemporary Art and Craft Market, Thursday 6 December, St. Helen's Square, York, 11am8pm. A vibrant Christmas market held in the beautiful C15th Guildhall.

U

niversity Symphony Orchestra, Wednesday 12 December, 7.30pm, Sir Jack Lyons Conert Hall.

An opportunity to hear Sibelius's stunning violin concerto played by third year music student Emma Lake, as well as pieces by Britten and Takemitsu.

WHAT NOT TO MISS THIS CHRISTMAS...

LISTINGS

£25 7pm

04.12

New Century Soul All Nighter £10 CIS Building, Manchester, 8pm

As part of the Christmas Festival of Early Music, this Baroque ensemble performs a recital entitled Lullaby My Sweet Little Baby. If you are into that sort of thing, head to St Margaret's Church on Walmgate.

£3 7.30pm

07.12

Rose Consort of Viols NCEM

FRIDAY

tactivities, ice ska that worst of all in pleasure to be had ing. There is no six s lopped off by a having your finger backwards around year old spinning foot of Clifford's the at k the tiny rin en it costs an wh rly ula tic Tower, par the prospect of for leg a arm and Far or both of them. breaking either eks the next few we nd spe to ter bet , a with a loved one sof a on up led cur or a hot chocolate a good book and go feel compelled to toddy. Should you tips. AL out, here are our

MUSIC

£3 6.30pm

£9 8pm

£7 7pm Among the greatest English language oratorios, and the chorus bit is known by absolutely everyone. Herald in the festive season with this inspiring concert taking place in the Minster. Grab some mulled wine and mince pies afterwards, and you are away.

Handel's Messiah York Minster

SATURDAY 08.12

£8 10pm Continuing his quest to find the perfect beat, Radio 1 veteran Gilles Peterson DJ's Leeds Wax:On. The finest grooves in jazz, funk, reggae, soul and early electro.

Gilles Peterson Leeds Union Stylus

THURSDAY 06.12

09.12

ment produced four albums before splitting in 2003. As with loads of other bands, they are in no way cashing in by having a comeback tour. They play the same venue on Saturday, but this second date wil be quieter.

SUNDAY

Long established Swiss noise pioneers play the York venue, with a fantastic MC Devvo juxtaposition of N-I-N derived industrial Leeds Union 8pm music and an edge of classical stylings. Previously mentioned in the listings colApparently. umn, this possibly spoof hiphop artist brigs an inaugual Christmas tour to £7 Cultures of Resistance Brundell Club, Leeds 7.30pm Leeds, complete with his crew. From the An evening of spoken word and music makers of Saladfingers. reflecting Marvin Gaye's seminal What's Going On. Music comes from £10adv the Tribunes, described as a head on Acrostic Tour 8pm collision between John Coltrane and The Fibbers The John Otway big band, supported by Streets. Plus, it's all for charidee. the fabulously named Itchy Circus Odour complete their alphabetically based tour of Britain at Fibbers. John Otway is a self-confessed unsuccessful singer-songRolo Tomassi £6/5 Fibbers 8pm writer, but his tremendously devoted Can't say I've heard of him. Apparently fanbase would gladly follow him to the this is "synth youthcore Rolo Tomassi; ends of the world, as they almost did the most exciting grind-cum-Casiowith a mass world tour in 2006. cum-hard-come-whatever core band in Shed Seven £16 Britain as of right this bloody minute", Leeds Uni Refrectory 8pm according to the Fibbers website.

York's contribution to the Britpop move-

The Young Gods Fibbers

The university choir performs with the campus Baroque Ensemble. Conducted

by Peter Seymore, the recital includes Hayden and Mozart selections including his unfinsihed Mass in C minor.

University of York Choir Central Hall

WEDNESDAY 05.12

A phenomenal twelve hours of soul CSS, Metronomy, Justice £15.50 music, lasting until actually Saturday Manchester Academy 7pm morning. Given that I'm writing this at A bit out the way, but tonight sees a good five on Monday morning, this is a masopportunity to catch up on all things sively enticing prospect. Among the great electro and avant garde. Cansai der Sai names in soul DJing, Ady Croasdell, Mick Sexy have been refered to as having the H and Guy Hennigan plus others play an most disgusting lyrics in art pop, but eclectic range of cuts, with live music Justice's uber hit D.A.N.C.E. should from legend Ronnie Walker. Second room more than make up for the pretension. of crossover/seventies. We're going. You should come too.

Popular Leeds based band go on a tour of various bits of Yorkshire, playing Hull tonight and Sheffield elsewhere in the week. The Hull venue is a bit of a shed, and it's in Hull, but the band are well regarded for the energy and quality of their live shows. Kaiser Chiefs are supported by We Are Scientists (see last Vision) and The Little Ones.

Kaiser Chiefs Hull Arena

TUESDAY

week 9

C

ing. The goose hristmas is com It's probably is getting fat.

Nestle baby being force fed were going you nk thi milk. And to uals, you. ivid ind k sic to eat it. You st travesty of ate gre the , Of course the gluttony, the Christmas is not etherness or the tog ily fam of se preten alisation of the rci me com g tin disgus es t going out becom period. No. It's tha the al based around ritu s lou icu rid a tmas s of 'works Chris combined notion and e spectaculars', nights out', 'festiv

INTERVIEW

TV

10.12 £2 8pm

BEYOND...

£13 8pm [ABOVE]. Fresh from supporting Muse this summer, the popular Mexican fusion twosome plays Manchester, in the process combining the finest sounds of metal and strummy-strummy jinglejangle accoustic folk-pop.

Rodrigo y Gabriela Manchester Academy

THURSDAY 13.12

two works from Sibelius - though less well known than Finlandia, the tone poem Swan of Tuonela is described as a haunting and evocative piece. Other music includes work by Britten and Takemitsu.

£12.00 8pm Something a bit less chilled [BELOW].

If you need to warm up, there's nothnig better than a band of sweaty men of dubious Eastern European origins. After a strength to strength year, the band round it off with a trip to the Leadmill.

Merry Christmas.

18th December Gogol Bordello Sheffield Leadmill

This Cambridge based duo have been under the radar for absolutely ages, and write the most beautiful acoustic in existence. The perfect chilled end to term.

£12.00 8pm

Music comes in the form of local bands Ambulance, Slow Down Tallahassee, Ramshackles. Additional support comes in the form of Paul Fuzz and Sea Records DJing. There's a late bar as well, so you can party long into the night. Hooray.

Please Please You Presents...£5 Cityscreen Basement 8pm

SATURDAY 15.12

17th December University Symphony Orch. £3 Ezio Jack Lyons Concert Hall Fibbers A largely modern affair in the form of

WEDNESDAY 12.12

Everyone likes Tom Sheldrick. Therefore everyone will like his friend. And it is their birthday. Why not spread some Christmas cheer a bit early this year and buy a drink for them. You don't even need to leave a name, but it might even be the start of something beautiful.

A Christmas miracle if you will. Other than that, there doesn't seem to be much on tonight.

£free 9.30pm

11.12

Tom's friend's birthday Orgasmic

TUESDAY

Aside from ice skating and Christmas specials, pantomime is one of the other things that the Vision office hates about Christmas, though a certain deputy sports editor is going because Harold from Neighbours is in it. Grow up. Should you feel compelled to go, there's productions twice a day, though the costs are hardly in the spirit of Christmas, unless that's now the spirit of giving money to LiveNation.

Cinderella York Grand Opera House

LISTINGS

£5/4

£5

FRIDAYS

£Free 8pm

All times, prices and events correct at time of writing. Vision cannot be held responsible for any poor nights out as a result of reading this section.

Learn to make your own fun.

York's only LGBT clubnight, with Tom Rodgers spinning the tunes.

Lick Toffs

Resident comperes Dan Atkinson and Dom Woodward bring you two national circuit stand-up acts. Also check out the campus spin off, three Mondays of next term.

Otherside Comedy Club £7/6 CityScreen Basement 8pm

SUNDAYS

Funky house.

Secrets...

Orgasmic, York

SATURDAYS

Live sets every second and fourth friday of the month.

Hip Hop Black Swan PH

£Free 8.30pm Open mic type thing for poets, storytellers, musicians and so forth. Free entry, prizes and other bits and pieces.

Acoustic Jam The Melbourne PH

Bad news: Brigger the labrador has gone to live in Selby. Good news: the forty question charity pub quiz is still every Thursday evening.

Pub Quiz 50p a team The Deramore Arms 9.30pm

THURSDAYS

Weekly jazz music, with various local acts and some from further afield. Also Sundays.

Jazz Black Swan PH

Bit off the beaten track, but this has the opportunity to land yourself a paid gig too.

Open Mic Night The Independent PH

WEDNESDAYS

Adding character to the otherwise uninspiring chain restaurant, weekly salsa lessons on a pay-as-you-dance basis, every Tuesday and Thursday with a range of classes for every skill level.

Dip In Salsa!

La Tasca

TUESDAYS

Apparently much better than Bondai, which has now descended into the boozy folklore of second and third years. And thankfully less cheesy. But then I haven't forgiven York students for loving Boom Boom Boom Boom and Boom! Shake The Room at Access All Areas. Musical integrity. What is that?

Gatecrasher Gatecrasher, Leeds

Given the strength of some of the beers here, drowning your sorrows has never presented such value for money.

Blues Night The Maltings PH

Roots every week.

Folk Music Black Swan PH

MONDAYS

regulars

CULTURE

FRIDAY 14.12

BOOKS

Weekly campus promoted night takes place in the City Screen Basement.

Acoustic music, poetry and such like, almost certainly would be fantastic when coupled with one of City Screen's excellent hot chocolates.

Take the Stage City Screen Basement

MONDAY

week 10

FILM

16 FEATURES

YORK VISION

TROUBLE MAKER

Tuesday December 4, 2007

Confessions ie of a cabb

Those nice men and women that drive you home after one too many sambuccas have had enough. Each week VISION brings you another of their student exposing confessions.

INTERVIEW : Iain Withers questions David Dimbleby

on his career from Oxford dunce to BBC Political ringleader

I

t must be BBC trickery, because when you see David Dimbleby on television, you don’t get a true sense of how small his eyes are. He squints up at his Question Time audience; his eyes dart around mischievously, trying to stoke up a good old slanging match between his panellists wherever possible.

Dimbleby is the BBC’s top orchestrator of political argument – he has anchored coverage

I got a third class degree when a third class was very, very smart of three UK general elections and presented Question Time for over ten years. At 59, he may have been in broadcasting for quite a while, but he’s still a live wire. When I catch him after the recording in York he’s still bounding around with a cheeky grin on his face.

He clearly still enjoys presenting the show – the idea that he’d ever quit voluntarily seems preposterous. Yet remarkably Dimbleby did consider a move away from politi-

cal showmanship and up to the top level of BBC management a few years ago when he applied for the job of BBC Chairman. It would have been a tough job, given the liberal amounts of shit that have hit the BBC’s fan this past year over rigged phone lines, and scandalous fakery of everything from Blue Peter competitions to documentary footage of the Queen. Surely he’s relieved he missed out on the job?

“No, no I would have enjoyed it,” he answers coyly.

Despite the fallout of the last few months?

“Yes… I like trouble” Last week was a particularly good week for stoking political trouble on Question Time.

T h e mor ning of t h e show, the police had been called in to investigate the dodgy donations made to the Labour p a r t y through third p a r t i e s.

Gover nment ministers had been conspicuously absent from the news bulletins all day as they took stock of the latest crisis to hit the government after the loss of half the country’s personal data and the £25 billion bail out of giant UK bank Northern Rock this month. The task of defending the government fell to one of the government’s newest ministers, Caroline Flint. Was it difficult getting a Gordon Brown supporter along to the show?

“It wasn’t easy to get a government minister here tonight – they certainly weren’t all falling over

Dimbleby fields questions at York Air Museum themselves to come here and walk the plank.” Dimbleby was pleased, however, to get a dif- ferent take on the dodgy donations story from another panellist – a Labour donor

It wasn’t easy to get a government minister here tonight to walk the plank and a good friend of Gordon Brown’s, Paul Myners, who sits on the board of some of the UK’s largest companies.

“I w a s very pleased Paul Myners came along.

First he knew what he w a s talking about because he was a supporter and a donor.

Second, very few top businessmen will come along and do a program like this.

Its good because they have a different take on everything; but they get nervous about doing it because they don’t want to upset shareholders.”

Question Time was a heated affair, with the Conservative and Liberal Democrat spokespersons exchanging winks and conspira-

torial glances as they attempted to derail the government. Dimblebly found the program ‘interesting’ and enthused about the venue – Elvington Air Museum on the outskirts of York, famous f o r s t a g i n g

Hammond’s ill-fated attempt to break a land-speed record on Top Gear.

It was a slightly odd venue.

For those sitting in the back row, the nose of a huge bomber loomed over their heads. From Dimbleby’s perspective on the panel, the audience were framed entirely by the shadowy military aircraft – it looked like a venue more suited to a fascist rally than to the BBC’s flagship political debate.

Dimbleby’s prominence as one of the country’s most respected political journalists is hard to match up against his third class degree at Oxford, but he has a few barbed words on today’s degree standards in response. “I got a third class degree when a third class was very, very smart and very difficult to get because you either got a first, for which you had to be very clever – which you no longer have to be because firsts drop off the trees like apples in orchards – or a second which now anybody who has their head screwed on can get. But the third was a real calculation, because you had to be clever, but do no work.”

His disposition is cheeky throughout. As you’d expect from the BBC’s political ringleader, Dimbleby has a brilliant sense of mischief.

Sometimes you get some right weirdos. Not just a bit drunk type weirdos... but really WEIRD, weirdos. There was a girl a while back who really gave me a fright. I saw her struggling along the street at just gone 2am with a heaving bin bag, staggering in a zig-zaggy fashion. She waved a hand at me, and even though she looked a bit dodgy and could have easily been sick on my back seat, I slowed down and pulled up – I hadn’t had a fare for half an hour. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

She opened the back door and said her name was Britney. She wanted to put the heavy bin bag in the boot. I was a bit suspicious of what was in there.

When I offered to take it from her she said she could do it, and nearly knocked me over when she barged me out the way. She was pretty defensive about the whole thing.

As we set off, I noticed a terrible smell. Worst one I’ve ever smelt – even worse than my wife’s cooking. I wasn’t sure if it was her, her clothes or that ruddy bag in the boot. She was making some drunken small talk about her course, I think she said she was a philosophy student or something, I mean, what sort of subject is that? Never trust a philosopher.

All weirdos.

When I braked at a traffic light, I heard a thud from the boot.

I asked her what was in it and she just laughed and coughed loudly as if to mask the sound. I got even more suspicious. I was on the verge of throwing her out out of fear and it takes a lot to scare me.

We pulled away from the lights and her phone went off. She was talking really quickly, so much so that it didn’t even sound like English. Anyway, she told the person on the phone she had done something and was on her way home, and not to worry.

Was she a murderer?! It suddenly struck me that there might be a body in there! I didn’t want her in my cab for a second longer, so pulled up at the curb and asked her to get out. I said I had a prebooked collection to go to, hadn’t realised the time, and slammed the door on her. I’d had enough of that particular weirdo for one night.

She looked flustered, ran to the boot, yanked out her bin bag and hurried off along the street.

To this day I don’t know what was in the bin bag. Sick covered clothes? Dirty sheets? Or even some poor boy’s head...

As told to Mike Sims

Next Issue Bad, naked lads jump in the back.

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

17

LIFESTYLE

V

Tuesday December 4, 2007

>STYLE

>FOOD

>DRINK

£ 2 s 0 a m x y Pimp m

>TRAVEL

P18

Mothy Pockets? Still fancy a festive knees. . . k c a B s ' up? Never fear, Hannah He O'Shea and Catherine Moore are here to give your home some sparkly TLC. The Playboy goes

on holiday...

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Online Label Loving

P21

Festive Fancies

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£4 Fairy Lights, Baubles, Wrapping Paper, Tinsel and an Advent Calender.

£10 All from Poundland

£4.99 Boyes

Christmas tree

Mince Pies

Boyes

Working out at a maximum £2 each in a block of 10-16, there is no excuse to hold back.

It's time to make those breeze-blocks festive.

P22

AND...

Cavorting in Cuba

18 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

S N O I S S E F CON OF A CAMPUS PLAYBOY

Tuesday December 4, 2007

Vision's ladies man serves up filth from the Med: 'Love on a lilo..'

V

all inclusive wristbands, which pissed us off but after a quick flash of the passport we were given the green adult ones and we made our way to the bar for some unlimited beer.

We went down to the beach in

appeared. She had a great body and a cute face, I must have her I thought to myself. I began to dance up beside her, I licked her face, she tasted like honey. I whispered in her ear ‘Tonight I am the bee and

I've heard that in space no one can hear you scream, well I beg to differ

V

With pants like a sweet wrapper: 'I'm gonna pay her a visit up quality street later'

drank sea water? Well it was a bit like that so I quickly made my excuses and left this ready salted bitch.

My mate and I decided this club was a pile of horse wank so we left, leaving the other boys still representing on the dance floor.

We stumbled back to the hotel, I smiled at that slimy tosser behind reception and asked if there was anything still happening in the hotel. He informed me of a discotheque on the beach, I knew this would be perfect considering the spirit of John Travolta burned inside my soul, the music of the Beegees rang in my ears and my jeans had a slight flare to them. We strutted on down to the beach.

I could smell the spirit of the 70s, it smelt a bit like sand and seaweed and we loved it. We hit that dancefloor hard, pulling some pretty funky shapes, someone later said I pulled a 4 sided triangle but I don’t remember I was lost in the music. Then suddenly out of nowhere a gorgeous dollop of woman

V

said, ‘I hate the English’. I replied, ‘I don’t like slimy cunts’. Which as I thought to myself is a total lie; I love them when they’re slimy.

Anyway this berk in reception tried to give us the under 18 pink

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G

ood afternoon readers, this is your campus playboy. All aboard!

You’ve just bought your ticket to a world full of minge, tits, and filthy love making, choo choo.

Many of my avid readers noticed that in the previous ‘confessions’ I made reference to my unpublished summer memoirs, love on a lilo. This is the edition that never was, the ‘confessions’ that resulted in my entrapment by the two feminists.

I found the last remaining copy of this publication in my suitcase so I dusted off the sand and handed it in to York’s favourite tabloid newspaper. If the previous two instalments were on earth, then this edition has gone in to orbit.

Tonight ladies and gentlemen I’m gonna shag Halley’s Comet and then bugger her in Uranus. I’ve heard that in space no one can hear you scream, well I beg to differ.

I am here to give you your regular dose of smut. I suggest you sit back and put the cristal on ice as I share with you ‘Confessions of a campus playboy the Summer Memoirs; love on a lilo ‘I wanna lick your cornetto’.

Turkey 2007: the setting of

you are the flower, I want to roll in your pollen’. She lapped it up and said lets go back to your room my dad is watching us. I wasn’t sure whether I was comfortable with her dad watching me clean her daughters flute on the dancefloor so I obliged. I scooped her up in my big man arms and took her to

room 169.

We got into the room and I threw her on the bed. She began to undress. She whispered in my ear and told me she had something to confess. I listened as she told me she had never had an orgasm, I looked her in the big blue or green eyes and said, ‘tonight is your lucky night, I am the director and I’m casting you as the lead role in a play I like to call euphoria’.

She smiled and pushed my head towards her pants, they were gold and shiny a bit like a sweet wrapper, I thought to myself ‘I’m gonna pay a visit up her quality street later’.

I unwrapped her and began to lick caramel cup, she started to scream and her leg started to shake. ‘What are you doing to me?’ she screamed, ‘I’m having a word with St Peter to see if I can sneak you in to heaven’ I replied. Needless to say he let her in and she began to orgasm.

She came and her syrup erupted out of her at such a force it was like mount Vesuvius was giving me a slap. My work here was done I wiped my mouth on the duvet, kicked the beauty out and went to sleep.

Dr. Platt's... one of my finest adventures.

Summer is a g r e a t time f o r

the afternoon armed with my factor 4 sun tan oil. I set about greasing myself up, in all the massaging and touching I ended up getting an erection, it poked out of the top of m y ill-fitting speedos but I was drunk so I just ran with it. I quickly gazed up and down the beach, we were quite clearly in a family hotel. And I can assure you I was not up to my eye balls in minge. There was one little cup

S R E N N U T

STUDENT S

The campus playboy takes on Turkey.. but are the locals ready for him?

making love, the weather is nice and the women walk around with virtually nothing on, everything is seeping out and I love it.

Me and a few of the other guys on the playboy circuit united from our respective cities to go on holiday. It was booked last minute so the packing was the same, but I can assure you the essentials were all catered for as both my luminous green speedos with red trim and vibrating cock ring were tucked up nicely in my suitcase. It was pretty obvious this holiday was going to be filled with sex, binge drinking and recreational drugs; the three things synonymous with the playboy.

After a long and arduous flight we finally arrived in Turkey at the all inclusive hotel. The greasy looking man behind reception instantly took a dislike to me, he

cake who worked as part of the hotel entertainment but she quite clearly had genital warts on her face and I didn’t fancy getting a flakey cock, at least not on the first day. We concluded we needed to leave the hotel to get a bit of tuppence, so that night we went out into the town centre.

We ended up in a club called Medusa, it was a right shit hole.

I navigated my way through the dancefloor sniffing out any potential. I danced up against one Turkish girl, she told me her name was Ferret. I thought that was unusual so to make her feel better I told her my name was Badger, we shared stories about being named after woodland animals, we really hit it off. There was a lull in conversation so I lent in and licked her face, and jesus it was salty as fuck. Have you ever

JAMES COLLEGE SPECIAL NAME: YEAR: STATUS: SUBJECT:

Ben Culpin 2nd Single Management

How do you know Christmas is here?

As soon as I see the Coca Cola advert on TV. That and mince pies. Love mince pies.

Favourite bit of Crimbo dinner?

Avoiding breakfast as a prep for the mammoth-sized portions that are ahead...having dinner, pudding, then a walk before turkey and cranberry sandwiches!

NAME: YEAR: STATUS: SUBJECT:

Clare Shaw 3rd Single History & Politics

How do you know Christmas is here?

The return of the real Coca Cola christmas advert... holidays are coming.....

Favourite bit of Crimbo dinner?

I’m all for piling a bit of everything on my plate, but always save room for warm mince pies with brandy butter....they are a weakness of mine!

LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

CYBER STYLE...

19

STYLE

Flora Elletson explores the wonderful world of online shopping...

Guinness galore Helen Nianias and Immy Willetts look at what it takes to be one of the world's most inimitable style icons...

At Oxford University (don’t worry we have a better student paper – not just anyone can win the Guardian Media Award) there is a professor who is famous for dressing black tie the entire time. Imagine it: Vanbrugh bar – tuxedo; lecture – mink stole; key texts – ballgown. Although it might seem ridiculous, the rationale given is “who wouldn’t want to look their best every single day?”

Daphne Guinness’ style surely concurs with this ideology. No-one who has ever seen Guinness would forget her unique look, much like the eccentric professor: she has created her own perfect armour.

Married at the age of most first years, she has subsequently been through a divorce and battled her way through the fads and phases of the fashion world, with her couture as her safeguard. When a country is under threat, the government introduces emergency measures and moves attention away from the crisis at hand. The picture of Daphne Guinness look-

ing immaculate suggests the very same. She, along with US Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour and burlesque dancer Dita von Teese, is seen as fearsome, intimidating high-fashion and high-concept.

Having grown up with Salvador Dali, Guinness’ style embodies his lobster-filled-swimming-pool eccentricity using the disguise of big name couture. In fact she is far removed from the Victoria Beckham-esque label worship, saying herself ‘I hate the concept of must-haves. Once something is a must-have, I want to put it in the bin. I know that sounds grand and horrid, but I don’t want anyone to tell me I need to have anything’.

This idea of non-conformism shows a true individual, and perhaps a misunderstood woman.

Wearing a ballgown to a lecture implies fragility just as Daphne Guinness’ fashion-armour suggests a weakness beneath. In adopting this attitude, you have to allow for your personality to shine through the inevitable chinks in your disguise, as

not to look like a label junkie in head-to-toe Chanel.

ets that a student budget can easily them know if you intend to do so. stretch to. The boy who is thinking about one of the vintage leather So despite the howling winds jackets mentioned earlier may also and biting cold outside, the look at the huge range of vintage twenty first century has well tees which cost roughly £18.50, while and truly arrived in style. Get on sharper dressers may be tempted the internet and get shopping! by the 1980s double breasted dinner jacket which is a steal for £36.20.

The despair felt at finding that dress and then discovering that it is three sizes too big or too small is handily swept away by the neat system of breaking the dress section down into sizes. For a precise £42.10 you can nab a dark green evening dress that would be a great addition to any vintage collectors’ wardrobe, whilst the accessories and jewellery section is also 60's AquascuVintage Levis £12.99, w e l l tum Wool devoted2vintage worth a Coat £55, Marbrowse tha's Closet for a host of things ranging from elegant 1950s diamante brooches to chunky Perspex rings from the 80’s. Anything you buy is covered by their ‘no quibble guaran60's Fitted Mustard Stylized tee’ which lets you return items, Dress £56.10, Steptoes Antiques although they ask that you let

Steal her his style

Keep your hair back with a stylish headband.

Accessorize, £4.

Work on your war paint with Nars lipstick in Red Lizard, £17

Layer up in statement necklaces.

Butler & Wilson, £178

Picture courtesy of exposay.com

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and topshop.com, yet there are a huge number of others which have real hidden gems and are well worth investigating and investing some time in.

tains a larger range than Martha’s Closet, including vintage Levi 901 jeans in black for just £9.99, and a classic Martha’s Closet (www. dark grey 1950s marthascloset.co.uk) is evening dress an online store which which would is rammed with vintage look fantastic classics which sell for with a chunky roughly the same price, belt, for only if not less, than Top£55. Any guys shop’s ‘used and abused’ tapping into items. Although their the indie stock is relatively small, trend may also No matter it is updated regularly strike gold, as how much so is worth checking the site has a you sharpas often as possible. huge range of 80's Black Double en your (At the moment, for vintage jackets, Breasted Jacket £36.20, elbows it example, they have a such as a 1970s Steptoes Antiques takes forever fabulous 1970’s dress for brown leather to force your £30 which would be perflying jacket way through the fect for many of the seapriced at £55 masses, and this son’s parties.) Each item’s write and a 1970s black leather biker’s means shopping up is also useful - helpfully includ- jacket for £65. Again, it is possible to for anything at ing details of length, bust, waist return clothes and get a full refund all becomes a and condition, and if you find that if you are not happy with them, chore rather than it’s not what you expected when but they ask that they are returned a pleasure. So it it arrives, you are able to return with their ‘Devoted 2 Vintage’ seems far it within seven days and get a tags and with proof of purchase. easier, (and full refund. The flipside is, as 80's Violet much more always with vintage, most items ‘Steptoes Dog Antique and Vintage Wrap Dress £27, sensible), to are one-offs, so remember it will Online Store’ (www.steptoesanMartha'sCloset turn to shopbe nigh on impossible to get tiques.co.uk) is another treasure ping online, another size or colour. Orders trove for both sexes. It is perhaps a which can be done without even over £40 will be delivered free. little more expensive than what one having to leave the comfort of your might expect, especially for dresses, electric blanket. We all know the Alternatively, you could try www. but if you look carefully there are standard style websites; asos, ebay devoted2vintage.co.uk, which con- plenty of skirts, t-shirts and jackhristmas is coming, which means that York becomes more crowded than ever as hoards of shoppers fill the Shambles desperately searching for appropriate presents or a new d r e s s .

20 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

STYLE

ACCESSORISE YOURSELF Joanne Rea and Kate Reeves scour the high street for those bits that make the difference...

Boys' toys We thought we’d better include something for the boys this issue, as we’d like you all to look dashing next to your girls in your party gear this season. So, we’ve concocted the briefest of brief guides to some must-haves for this season to guarantee some mistletoe magic at Christmas!

Yes boys, today we’re talking accessories. Tie clips are not only rather useful contraptions (clipping the front bit of your tie to the back bit...genius) but are also a great fashion accessory which will make you reek of sophistication. And so, every guy needs their perfect tie to compliment those shirts. Why not try a skinny tie this season? If you’ve never tried this look before it may be daunting, but it will give any of your smart outfits that all important edge. Cufflinks are also a must, but a word of advice - novelty cufflinks are a no no; smart, stylish cufflinks can be purchased at Topman for just £8, so

Girls' gear

no excuses! And to finish off your look, braces are the only way to go, and are always fashion forward.

Nevertheless, Christmas Wide black braces time just wouldn’t be £12, Topman the same without a new pair of christmas socks, and Paul Smith have some inspiring desgins to decorate your tootsies in.

Cuff links £8, Topman

Socks £12, Paul Smith

It’s the season to sparkle and what better way to do so with a few glitzy little trinkets to give your outfit a festive glaze.

We’ve trawled the high street to find some of the best in preparation for the party season ahead.

Feeling reluctant to embrace the glitter head on? Accessorize may have the perfect answer with their sweet embellished Galaxy clutch bag for £35 which also can be worn with its chain. There are many channelling the ‘jewel brights’ look adorned with rich coloured gems . But if you feel those options are too pretty and want to rock it up a bit, then look no further than Urban Outfitters' pyramid stud clutch bag at £28, in patent leather it ticks all the ‘on-trend’ boxes and gives an edgy vibe to your look!

The high street’s also welcomed aboard the sequined beanie with topshop doing a great version for £15 you can also track them down in new look and H&M. And

GLAMOUR-EYES...

Demi Kraithman thinks you should ditch the glitter and perfect your peepers with molten metallics this Christmas

Don’t you just love the party season? Not me, but perhaps I should clarify this seemingly Scrooge-like statement. The parties themselves aren’t the problem - I love a bit of mulled-wine fuelled merriment as much as the next girl - what I do object to, however, is the particularly horrendous abuse of that horrible stuff that appears in absolute abundance round this time of year. You know what I’m talking about.

Glitter. A substance so foul it gives the wearer about as much dignity as Paris Hilton attempting a e r bu s h-tuck trial. Surely beaus e l f tifying yourwith somet h i n g you can buy in the Early Learning Centre is simply unfathomable? But come Christmas, somewhere amidst the excitement of eggnog and festive frivolities, its use is rendered ac-

ceptable. Would Daphne the alluring style goddess Guinness be seen dead, let alone at a Christmas party, with glitter laden eyes? I think not. Ladies, it’s time to ditch the glitter and glamourise your eyes.

But I need a special party look!

I hear you cry. This is true - I’m a firm believer in making more of an effort at this time of year, it’d be rude not to - but let’s face it, glitter is not synonymous with festive chic. May I kindly turn your attention to metallics; glitter’s cooler big sister, if you will. Shiny, not sparkly, tempting not try-hard, metallics replace glitter’s dubious look-at-me desperation with an intriguing j e ne sais quoi sexiness. But don’t think you can casually slap on some metallic eye-shadow and totter off to the Snow Ball just like that. No, no, no, this is about the

whole look. Pulling off metallics means getting the overall balance of colours and textures just right.

To emphasise metallic eye makeup’s beautiful shine, your base needs to be matte. L’Oreal’s True Match Foundation (£8.99) eradicates shine and evens out the complexion, leaving skin looking perfect all night.

Cheek-wise, now is not the time for a shimmering highlighter: as Duran Duran once said – save it till the morning after, when your skin may need a boost. Instead, apply a smidgen of MAC’s Powder Blush in Prism (£14), a gorgeously subtle shade which will highlight cheekbones without adding shine or taking centre stage. Gloss is fine for lips as long as you keep the shade nude. I personally like Taxi’s Lipshine in Mayfair (£7) for a glass-like

although we’re all aware that it probably won’t see us into the new year, Primark’s finger is, as ever, on the fashion pulse and has hastily rustled up piles of sparkly gems, most retailing as less than the Starbuck’s Christmas gingerbread late. Well worth the £7 jaunt down to Leeds!

Black Pyramid Stud Clutch Bag £28, Urban Outfitters

Black sequinned beanie £15, Topshop

W Y E N UT A ON! E B TI SEC

finish. Making sure your eyebrows are neatly plucked to frame the eyes is the final step before moving on to the eye make-up itself.

Start with a light metallic shade, such as Rimmel’s Metallic Cream Shadow in Chelsea (£3.49) over the whole eyelid moving just past the crease including the inner-corner, to really make your eyes pop. Then apply a darker shade like Comet from No. 7’s Stay Perfect Eyeshadow range (£7) below the lash-line and above, working outwards and upwards from halfway along your lash line up to the crease on the outer corner of the eye. Build up the colour if you’re a bit of a drama queen. Line the eye with Bourjois’ Regard Effet Metallise Eye Liner in Noir Effet Miroir (£4.25), a beautifully metallic shade of black. Then finish off with two coats of black volumising mascara.

L’Oreal’s Volume Shocking (£9.99) is the only high street product I’ve

found to be dramatic enough for such a strong, smouldering look.

So there you have it. A sultry, sophisticated party look without even the slightest mention of the G-word.

Girls, get over it. Go for glamour this Christmas and say good-bye to glitter. You know it makes sense.

Chelsea, Rimmel

Comet, No. 7

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday December 4, 2007

21

FOOD&DRINK the list

Hot

Hotter than a glass of mulled wine....

north-east nosh Supermarket giant Tesco have decided to stock more food from the North-East after a team of buyers attended a food fair in Yorkshire. Over 100 suppliers from the region exhibited their produce.

BEER TAX FREEZE The British Beer and pub Association has called for the government to freeze taxes on beer after a recent sales slump.

We're obviously not drinking enough of the stuff – all the more reason to get down to your local and enjoy a (responsible...ish...) pint or three instead of doing that essay....

Colder than a snowflake....

PRICIER PUB GRUB A meal at your local may not be such good value soon. The National Farmers' Union has warned that food prices are set to rise as consumers have enjoyed food prices below inflation for some time, so publicans will have to pay more for the produce they use.

So much for relying on the pub for a cheap meal when your cupboard is bare....

CHRISTMAS CHEER Lydia Mills and Carina Topham bring a little festive fun to your kitchen.

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is the season to be jolly, as they say – so what better way to get in the holiday spirit than with a spot of baking?

In no time at all, that delightful 'student kitchen' smell of cheese/beer/mouldy burnt pans will be replaced with

Chocolate

a warm, satisfying glow, and Spice Biscuits you'll (hopefully) have some lovely goodies at the end – great for wallet-friendly presents or Ingredie nts: just to enjoy yourself.

250 g pl n flo ur Why not give some of these 125 g buai tter simple recipes a go for an in- 125 g brow n sugar stant way to banish the end-of- 1 egg term blues.

2 tsp mix ed sp 1 pinch salt ice 125 g icing suga 1-2 tbsp hot w r ater Truffles

ocolate 275g/10oz dark chle cream 250ml/9fl oz doub butter 50g/2oz unsaltedwd er 50g/2oz cocoa por ge gin ed rv ese Pr Flaked almonds for melting Extra chocolate Rum/brandy e a bowl. Bring thte.

Method: te and put it into ov chocola Stir e th er Chop the chocolath ur po d e boil an Leave cream gently to d 1/2 tbsp rum/brandy if desired. s. until melted. Ad , then add the butter in two stage t. to cool for 2 minsthe fridge for 3 hours or over nigh and Cover and set in oonfuls of mixture, roll into balls Plain: take teasp a powder. ger into some roll in sifted coco opped preserved gin ch ely fin a small piece ir th St : wi er Ging ove. Decorate ab as ll ro e ur xt mi truffle almonds, toasted of ginger. ely chopped flaked Almond: Roll in fin ll trufunder the grill. d: melt chocolate of your choice, ro oof Chocolate coate ocolate and leave to set on greasepr fles in melted ch paper.

Ingredients:

120g/4oz butter 120g/4oz brown sugar 4 tbsp golden syrup 300g/10oz oats 85g/3oz mix ed dried fruit 1tsp ground ginger 1tsp ground cinnamon 1/2tsp ground nutmeg

Method:

Preheat the oven to 190c/375 gas mark 5. Melt the butter, f/

Preheat th gas mark 5. e oven to 190c/375f/ Beat the bu fluffy then better and sugar til by bit. Sift in at the egg in bit the flour, salt spice. and Mix well and make a ball of firm dough. until 1/4 inchRoll the dough out shapes. Bak thick and cut into golden browen.for 15 minutes, until Mix the icing sugar and h ot w at er smooth, until colour if

sugar and syrup together in a pan. Add the spices, oats and dried fruit.

Mix well and transfer to a greased, lined square tin.

Bake for about 15 minutes or until golden brown.

Score into fingers, let cool slightly in the tin then transfer to a wire rack.

Seasonal Stalls

Carina Topham investigates Christmas markets

?

SHORTER SHELF LIFE Which? has suggested that while buying groceries online can be convenient, some products have a short shelf life when delivered to the customers, following a recent study by the watchdog. Maybe it's time to leave the computer behind and get down to the supermarket.

I

Ingredients:

Method:

Ingredients:

Festive Flapjack

Mini Christmas Cakes

f you’re struggling to find something to buy your mum for Christmas (that doesn’t come from the boots three for two selection) then don’t panic, for help is at hand!

Throughout December a number of Christmas fairs and markets are taking place in York which provide the perfect opportunity to seek out that perfect gift.

For an authentic German experience, try the ‘Christkindlesmarkt’.

The market is taking place from December 6 till December 22 along Parliament Street (outside M&S) and is the perfect place to pick

up some unusual and interesting Christmas presents for loved ones.

For the shopping weary there are plenty of traditional German treats on offer to help refuel such as Wurst (tasty German sausage) Stollen (a type of bread-come-cake) and Lebkuchen (German cake).

For those still in York right up to Christmas, there’s also a farmers' market in the same place on December 21 and 22, where you can buy the best of Yorkshire produce including organic meat, homegrown vegetables and Yorkshire Punch.

LE P P I T

120g/4oz margarine 170g/6oz caster sugar 340g/14oz dried fruit 225ml/8floz water 1tsp bicarbonate of soda 1/2 tsp mixed spice 2 beaten eggs 120g/4oz plain flour 120g/4oz self-raising flour Pinch of salt Ready-rolled icing Apricot jam

Method:

Preheat oven to 350°F/180°C/ Gas Mark 4. Grease and line either one 7" square tin/several clean small bean cans with two layers of greaseproof paper.

Bring the margarine, sugar, fruit, water, bicarbonate of soda and mixed spice to the boil in a pan and simmer for one minute.

Allow to cool in a mixing bowl, then add the eggs, flour and salt. Mix and pour into the tin(s).

Bake for about 1 1/4 hours until a skewer comes out clean when inserted into the middle of the cake. Leave to cool on a wire rack, then if you have made one big cake, cut it into cubes of the desired size.

To ice: Make cake boards from thick cardboard, leaving a halfinch border on top of the size of the cakes. Cover in tinfoil or coloured foil paper.

Cut circles of icing big enough to cover the top and sides of the cakes. Spread apricot jam over all sides of the cake (to make the icing stick) then place the icing on top and smooth down, starting with the top and working down the sides.

To decorate: colour the remaining icing and cut out shapes. Stick on top of the cakes using a little water.

Mulled Wine

This quick and simple recipe is a great way to get you in the festive mood. For those of you who don’t have the time, I recommend you pop down to Morrisons and buy a bottle of their rather tasty mulled wine for only £2.99.

Ingredients:

1 bottle red wine 250 ml ginger ale 1 orange ( cut into slices) 1 tsp cinnamon 2 tsp mixed spice 100g brown sugar 1 large glass brandy whisky.

Method:

Place all the ingredients in a large pan, apart from the whisky/ brandy and gently heat for about 30 mins. Don't allow the mixture to come to the boil otherwise the alcohol will evaporate!

Once removed from the heat remove the pieces of orange and add in the brandy/whisky.

For an even quicker way to spread the Christmas spirit, simply buy a bottle of Winter Pimms and add to heated apple juice!

22LIFESTYLE

DAY TRIPPER Cara Bendon spends a day relaxing in Harrogate's Turkish Baths

YORK VISION Tuesday December 4, 2007

TRAVEL HAVANA GOOD TIME Cocktails, cigars and Caribbean sunshine: Emma Barrow gets down with Che in Cuba.

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'I may be poor but I have had a very happy life' he told me with an infectious smile

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nly 35 minutes away and £3.85 for a railcard day return, it is frankly shocking that Harrogate isn’t up there with Leeds as a prime daytripping destination from York. On a wet, grey day we boarded a tram-sized train and ended up in a town full of beauty. Following the slope of the shopping street we came to a square from which the main attractions are signposted, including the renowned original Betty’s.

Keeping it cheap, we ate our sandwiches in the charming Valley Gardens, which resemble a set for a Jane Austen adaptation and are apparently Alan Titchmarsh’s favourite public gardens. A stone’s throw away is the Royal Pump Room Museum, which gives a history of how Harrogate became a spa town (due to the medicinal qualities in its sulphur-rich water). Heading back a short way we found ourselves on Parliament Street – the main street, home to the Turkish Baths.

First opened in 1897, the Turkish Baths were popular until the 1960s. Renovation work was carried out in 2002, and now you can walk in from the street to a colourful Turkish styled bath – just as you could a hundred years ago. The rooms of the bath are all heated, and we were told that the sequence of shower, steam room, cold pool, hot room could be repeated as often as we liked and at whatever rate we wanted! This meant we could pretty much make the experience as luxuriant, lazy and exhilarating as we liked. It’s simple – just interchange hot experiences with cold and then lie in the rest-room for 20 minutes afterwards.

We were provided with a towel and we free to roam the rooms for as long as the session lasts, between 4 and 8 hours.

Okay, so it may not be feasible to head to Harrogate after every stressful seminar but it’s a great way to unwind if you have been under pressure or just want to escape the hordes of relentless Christmas shoppers in York! The cheapest time to go to the Baths is during the mixed (and therefore not naked!) session on Tuesday mornings (£11), but the prices are around £14 most of the time. Go with a couple of friends for a treat – it’s cheaper than a night out and you’ll feel better for it too!

is full of character and the sight of old American cars noisily racing past Revolution Square made me feel I was in some sort of 1950’s timewarp.

Following in the footsteps of Ernest Hemingway, we enjoyed many a mojito in the music-filled bars which line the narrow streets, but, unfortunately, the countless bands we encountered seemed to have only about three songs in their

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onsidering they live in a country which claims to be one of the world’s last bastions of Communism, the Cubans would do bloody well on The Apprentice.

I couldn’t walk further than a few metres in Havana without being accosted by someone wanting a few pesos – whether it be for a drawing, a photo or, perhaps most innovatively, banging a twig against a coconut.

And so forceful is their sales patter that, much of the time, they succeed in taking advantage of unsuspecting and, quite frankly, scared visitors.

Yes, Cuba is certainly a place full of contradictions, with many of its populace being terribly poor and relying heavily upon the rapidly increasing tourism industry. Yet healthcare is free and supposedly excellent, with one doctor to every 150-200 patients, and the population is almost 100% literate. Education is also free for all, up to and including university. Unless you’re feeling particularly adventurous though, it’s not really the sort of place you turn up to with just a backpack and a few quid in your pocket, which is why much of my two-week trip was pre-planned.

The highlight was, undoubtedly, the country’s capital. Despite the increasing emphasis on pleasing consumer-driven visitors, Havana has managed to retain a very genuine, unpolished charm. A World Heritage site, it is shockingly dilapidated in some places, but the Spanish colonial architecture of the Old Town

repertoire which, by the end of the holiday, had triggered a pathological hatred of ‘Guantanamera’ for me. Nevertheless, music is everywhere in Cuba and no trip to Havana would be complete without a visit to the world-famous Club Tropicana. In this spectacular outdoor cabaret show, colour, fun, song and dance came together to cre-

ate an atmosphere and spirit that not even the torrential rain could dampen. Sadly though, Wham! lied – the drinks aren’t free.

Whilst the capital city abounds with culture, there is also plenty of opportunity for relaxation on some of the country’s beautiful beaches.

The main tourist resort of Varadero boasts 36 kilometres of postcard-perfect white sand and clear blue water, yet it is the secluded Cayos which come closest to fulfilling most people’s definition of paradise.

Although I did my fair share of soaking up the Caribbean sunshine, there is so much to see in Cuba that it would be criminal not to venture beyond the cosy confines of the tourist resorts. The Pinar del Rio region, famous for being the home of tobacco growing and, subsequently, manufacturing some of the world’s finest cigars, was fascinating. We were able to visit one farmer, Benito, who welcomed us into his home and regaled us with story after story whilst rolling us a cigar each.

Apparently, he’d been smoking 20-aday for the last 60 years, but it didn’t seem to have done him much harm.

“I may be poor but I have had a very happy life,” he told me with an infectious smile.

Other highlights included tasting some recently harvested sugar cane in Guama, touring the sleepy but picturesque town of Trinidad and, as clichéd as it inevitably sounds, the amazing experience of swimming with dolphins.

As a history student, I also felt duty bound to visit the Bay of Pigs, the site of the unsuccessful 1961 invasion attempt of Cuban exiles, funded by the United States. In truth, there really wasn’t much to see or do here, but it was nevertheless a reminder of the way in which Fidel Castro has managed to keep a hold on the country for almost 50 years. As rumours of his ill health persist, and more and more Cubans awaken to the trappings of the tourism industry, one wonders how much longer this will be the case.

It seems likely that, sooner rather than later, Cuba will have become indistinguishable from any other destination in the ‘Summer Sun’ holiday brochures.

At the moment though, it continues to offer much more than Che Guevara memorabilia and a glimpse of life without McDonalds, so if you want to visit a compelling country shaped by half a century under Castro’s rule, now is the time to go. Before it changes forever.

AS M T S I R H C R E K C A R C

Edinburgh

F

or the wee fairy southerners that manage to make it as far as Edinburgh this Christmas, beware of the cold. What’s Christmas without a little jack frost? The city of Edinburgh comes alive at Christmas with trees, streets and even the castle twinkling with lights. A huge ice-rink nestles below the castle and when you have finished weaving around the ice, the German Market is only next door. Here you can wrap your mittens round a steaming hot chocolate or munch on warm strudel whilst admiring intricate tree decorations and home-made delicacies, ideal for Granny’s Christmas present. If you are in need of more adventure, the Christmas Funfair is located in the same area with carousels abounding. Alternatively, St Mary’s Cathedral is an altogether more reflective experience, with a host of Christmas services being offered.

And why not stay for New Year? The Hogmanay Street Party is one of the biggest in the world with over 500, 000 people expected to take part in this year's festivities. There is a range of music on offer with expected peformances from Idlewild and Kasabian as well as many a Ceildh band. At midnight, fireworks cascade down from the castle, making for a magical start to the New Year. For a mere £15 return with a Young Person's railcard, Edinburgh is a must for the festive season.

Hannah Headden

Edinburgh Castle

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday December 4, 2007

The only campus newspaper with

BIG sports interviews

23

Simon Shaw ...talks to James Evans & Jeff Wright thought young players nowadays were “bracketed as a prop or a second row” so never had a chance to develop their all-round game.

The recent World Cup finally gave Shaw the chance to showcase just what he could do on the biggest stage. In 1997 Shaw missed out as he sustained a ligament injury just before the tournament. Then in 2003 he came home with a winner’s medal despite not playing a minute. Shaw had originally been o m i t ted from the 2003 Wo r l d C u p squad; Sir Clive Wo o d ward described the decision to cut him as the hardest decision he ever had to make as England boss. So after finally getting on the pitch in the World Cup, what was Shaw’s abiding memory?

“The whole weekend of the quarter-finals: the Australia match and in the evening we were at the harbourside in Marseille and the whole place was jam-packed with thousands and thousands of

V

V

We have incredibly hard-working players... but there's not enough emphasis on skills

French supporters watching the NZ-France game on big screens [since] it was over in Cardiff…It

pecially in the b a c k row”.

Looking ahead to when he is eventually forced to hang up his own boots, Simon certainly does not want to leave the game that has given him so much.

“Never say never, but I think coaching would be my number one choice. I’d love to stay in the game in some way, shape or form.”

Outside of the game he still does not find much time to relax. “The rest of my time is filled by taking care of my family. I literally go home and it’s all hands on deck with three [young] children. I don’t really have an awful lot of time to do anything else to be honest.

I’m sort of into my films…There’s a big [cinema] in Notting Hill called The Electric which has got big leather sofas”.

Shaw has recently been nominated for BBC London’s Sports Personality of the Year in recognition of his achievements. His World Cup form has continued with Wasps and hopefully he will form an integral part of a new look England Six Nations side.

I didn't pick up a rugby ball until I was 15/16

V

Shaw looks on in disbelief after being sent off in Auckland against the All Blacks

was the whole atmosphere of that weekend. We weren’t expecting to win, France weren’t expecting to win and it was an amazing atmosphere”. These shock results even surprised the England players and a lot was made at the time as to the nature of England’s surprise run to the final. Many felt that England had beaten more talented teams through grinding out results and Simon agrees with this.

“That’s what I base a lot of my theories on. We have incredibly hard-working players…but I don’t think there is enough emphasis on skills. I think it’s too late to teach guys over 30 [new tricks], but the fact that they are able to grind out victories and put absolutely everything on the line to win is also an incredible asset to have”.

This lack of skill at senior level reflects a more fundamental problem with the English game.

Shaw thinks that better coaching is needed for youngsters to put this right.

“We’re very similar to a lot of other sports inasmuch as I don’t think we have the coaching at youth level. You can say the same with football…All the players have incredible work rates but they don’t have the skills like the Italians or Brazilians. I think in Rugby it’s very similar, we don’t have the skills that the Au s t r a l ians or Kiwis do.

We’ve got a lot of heart and work very h a r d .

[The skills need to be learnt] w h e n guys are coming into the game or w h e n they are young”.

However, he does think there are some very good youngsters coming through to carry the mantle for England in years to come. “From the Wasps youth I think James Haskell….he’s got a very bright future, and I think Dan Cipriani, playing no.10 for us at the moment, is playing fantastically well…Outside of that I think there’s a very good group of young forwards, es-

V

W

asps forward Simon Shaw MBE has been one of the best number 4s in the Guiness Premiership for ten seasons and was recently described by Jonny Wilkinson as ‘world class’.

Standing at just over two metres tall he has won 43 caps in an international career that started against Italy in 1996.

However, Shaw has not had it all his own way. Unfortunately for him, badly timed injuries and a seeming indifference to his talents have left him with fewer international caps than his talent deserves.

In the lead up to the Rugby World Cup final earlier on this year, Mike Catt said that he could not believe that Simon had not won more caps for his country. When we asked Simon what he thought about this he remained philosophical on the matter.

“Ultimately it just comes down to one person’s opinion…You can probably ask ten people in a room what their England XV would be and you would probably get ten different answers… I just try to do the best I can.” His case for inclusion in last World Cup was certainly helped by his performances for Wasps over the last season as well as the success of the team at home and abroad, especially through winning the Heineken Cup. As Shaw says, “It’s a great shop window and a great way of showing what you’re capable of ”.

One thing that makes Shaw stand out from other forwards is his great handling ability, a feature he used extensively in France.

When asked where this ability came from, he was convinced it wasn’t from playing rugby.

“I didn’t pick a rugby ball up until I was 15/16 and I played pretty much every other sport going, like basketball or tennis, and these different sports required different skills. [I played] a lot of coordinated activities which contribute to having that [handling] capability, and also day-in-day-out practice, so it’s a combination of those two.” He also highlighted how he

LORIMER LETS LOOSE ON RISDALE

BY ROBERT ROMANS

LEEDS UNITED legend Peter Lorimer has blasted the club’s former chairman Peter Ridsdale in an exclusive interview with Vision.

Ridsdale has recently released a book providing an insider’s account of Leeds’ spectacular downfall, titled ‘United We Fall.’ Lorimer, who played an integral role in the club’s success in the 1970s, holds Ridsdale: “I think only Peter Ridsdale can take the major blame; I think anyone can borrow money, but it wasn’t directed prop-

erly, so things went wrong. I don’t think he now accepts full responsibility for the downfall of the football club.” he said.

In 2005, Leeds’ hangover from the days of ‘living the dream’ appeared to be waning when the club made it to The Championship’s play-off final, a game which Ridsdale attended. “He’s entitled to do what he wants. He supported Leeds as a young person and if he wanted to go, he was entitled,” commented Lorimer.

Ridsdale’s actions left Leeds on the brink of oblivion; following his departure, his successors have taken on the

thankless task of rejuvenating the club.

“If you speak to anyone else who tried to clean up the mess, I don’t think they have any doubt in their mind that they think he is responsible for the position we’re in now,” suggested Lorimer.

Ken Bates is Leeds' current chairman, but altough he has received criticism from supports Lorimer, now a club director, supports him.

“I think Ken Bates has done a fantastic job. I think he realised that Leeds have this thing about Chelsea going back years and I think he knew it was al-

ways going to be hard to be accepted – as does [current manager] Denis Wise.”

Wise has indeed also received criticism from the terraces, but Lorimer believes he is the man to deliver success.

“I think [Wise] is doing a very good job. We’ve got a young team and they’re winning, so long may that continue.”

Leeds are currently sitting in the play-off places in League One and when asked about their promotion chances, Lorimer’s response was positive.

“I think we’ll get promotion this season. We’re all confident that it will be achieved.”

24 SPORT

SPORTS SHORTS Fencers foiled by two successive defeats YORK'S FENCING team, formerly one of the university's best performing societies in the BUSA league system, slumped to a second successive defeat in Leeds to leave them six points adrift of their promotion rivals.

Having won their first three matches, York's men saw defeat in two tough matches against Newcastle and Leeds.

However, the team remains upbeat about their chances for next term. Many regard the Newcastle and Leeds sides, who both now have a 100% record after five matches, as by far the toughest teams in the group. York remain firm contenders for promotion as one of the strongest teams in the rest of Northern Conference 1B.

AFTER A narrow 7-10 defeat at home to Newcastle 1sts, York's mixed table tennis team enjoyed a strong return to form as they thrashed Leeds 11-6.

With only two sides ahead of them in Northern Conference 1A, York's table tennis players are hopeful that they can break out onto the national stage. January's match away to Hull 1sts, who currently lie three points ahead of York, will be pivotal to their promotion push.

Basketballers court relegation YORK'S MALE 1sts face a struggle to avoid the drop this season, having lost all six of their matches.

With only four games left, York's time in Northern Conference 2B seems to be running out: they share bottom spot with Hull 1sts, also on nil points but holding a superior points difference. However, Hull have 3 games in hand, with York six points from Sheffield 1sts and Northumbria 2nds.

York's women are faring better, with two victories and one walkover from three games. They currently occupy second position in Northern Conference 3B.

UNIVERSITY SPORT: MIXED FORTUNES FOR

BY TOM JACKSON AND EMMA BARROW YORK UNIVERSITY- said. “But then we got the LEVEL sport is enjoying rub of the green and our its most gifted crop of good performances starttalent for several years ed reaping the rewards.” as two of campus’ marExpressing his confiquee sides top their re- dence that the team can spective BUSA tables. go on to win the league, York Men’s 1sts are he is also keen to keep riding the crest of a wave his players’ feet on the after three straight vicground: “There’s still tories took them to the work to do.” Yet there top of the league, three is no denying the fact points clear of nearest rithat, with York one game vals Leeds 2nds. Succesaway from going into the sive wins over Durham Christmas break at the 2nds, Northumbria 2nds summit, this represents and Trinity & All Saints a great opportunity for 1sts have raised spirthe side. Having at first its that were temporarstruggled with a newily deflated by the 3-1 relook team following the verse against Leeds, and loss of several key playcaptain Dominic O’Shea ers at the end of last seais confident that his side son, the squad has clearly are capable of winning developed brilliantly over the league. the last few games, and O’Shea points to the O’Shea is delighted with 3-0 win against Durham, the impact of the newthe first Men's Northern Conference 4B c o m e r s . of the He singled P W D L Pts out threeAlex m a t c h York 1st 7 5 1 1 16 Cooper and w i n n i n g Leeds 2nd 7 4 1 2 13 Matt Withers t r e a k , Leeds Trin 1st 7 3 1 3 15 wick for speas being Northumbria 2nd 7 2 2 3 8 cial praise: the turn- Durham 2nd “They’ve re1 2 7 7 4 ing-point ally worked 2 Bradford 1st 1 5 7 4 in terms hard and of York’s have been consistently season so far, which was getting man of the match also the first time that nominations.” the side had used a 3-5-2 Plaudits for individformation in the compeual players should not, tition. “Lady luck hadn’t however, detract from been on our side,” he the achievement of the

BUSA:

The Good... whole side in reaching such a position, and confidence is rightly high for the rest of the season.

O’Shea and his side must almost be disappointed that the Christmas break looms, just when the team has started gaining momentum and stringing together a run of good results. Regardless of this, the excellent start to the season and improving form, coupled with the successful integration of the new recruits into the team, means York 1sts will go into the break high on confidence and in an excellent position to challenge for the title.

In female sport, the women’s hockey first XI also find themselves three points clear at the

Photo by Tom Hole

Table tennis bounces back

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

And The Ugly...

top of their BUSA league, following an impressive run of results.

After their recent 4-0 thrashing of Sheffield, the team continued to build on what has been a hugely promising start to the season with a hard-fought 3-2 victory on Wednesday – despite losing a star player after just a few minutes on the pitch.

Vice-captain and central midfielder, Andrea Pisecky, suffered a broken finger against an aggressive Teeside team who went 1-0 up early on with a goal against the run of play.

Soon after half time York were level thanks to Karen Wallace, but after a lapse of concentration

Captain Remington calls Punch-ups, protests and possible relegation – following the Football 2nds this term has been far from dull. But captain Richard Remington has blasted the complacency that has seen his side fail to win in the Northern Conference 5B since late October, while insisting that the team are capable of avoiding the drop.

In an interview with Vision, Remington blamed overconfidence for the torrid run earlier this year, where the 2nds went six games in all competitions without a victory. Having kicked

off the campaign with two solid away wins, Remington believes that “the team realised that we had a top quality 2nd team, and basically people became complacent. [Some players had stopped] coming to training, and [they were] turning up to matches thinking games were going to be a walk in the park. We got ourselves stuck in a bit of a rut.”

The side collected just one league point in the whole of November, but the most contentious result was a 3-1 defeat away to Sunderland 2nds which saw York’s play-

ers conduct a walk-off in protest of the woeful officiating.

“The game…was ridiculous,” fumed Remington. “[Club President Alex Richards] and I have contacted Sunderland and BUSA about it all and explained everything.”

The referee, picked by Sunderland as a replacement at short notice, “offered no protection” for York’s players against an overly-physical Sunderland XI. “We don’t need to be turning up to games worrying about coming away with a broken leg,” said Remington. “Where’s the fun in that?”

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday December 4, 2007

YORK SIDES IN BUSA COMPETITIONS

The Bad...

25

BY LAUREN COCKBILL

Cowland. “Anna Smith did The team will also be a great job of stepping up hoping to replicate their to the central role, and afBUSA form in the local Yorkshire League, curter going behind we took r e n t l y it to anWomen's Northern Conference 3B f i n d i n g o t h e r level and t h e m P W D L Pts really s e l v e s w o r k e d York 1sts 5 0 1 15 mid-table af6 well with ter some uneach oth- Leeds 3rds 7 4 0 3 12 lucky defeats, most notably er.”

7 3 1 3 10 to a HarroThe 3-2 Durham 3rds win leaves Sheffield 2nds 7 3 0 4 9 gate side who York on were fortu7 2 1 4 7 nate to win 15 points, Teesside 1sts and with Hull 1sts 2-1.

6 2 0 4 6 a game M e a n in hand while, the over their nearest rivals, second XI, captained Leeds, who they play tojointly by Lizzie Hollins morrow. and Lucy Horrell, have

also made a good start to the season, currently lying in second place in their BUSA league after securing a walkover against Leeds Trinity of All Saints on Wednesday.

Just five points behind leaders, Leeds Metropolitan Carnegie, the team will be hopeful of beating a strong Hull side tomorrow.

“All in all the season is going incredibly well,” concluded Cowland. “We seem to pull through hard matches and work really well as a team. Since the beginning of term there has been a noticeable improvement as we all get

The fairest option would have obviously have been to resume the match at a later date from the current score and with the same players. However stubborn Sheffield interpreted rule 10.1 to mean they could claim a win over York which left Captain Downey fuming: ‘The ‘can’ here surely only applies when the match is beyond doubt ie from 6-0 up to one team, not to matches which are very much still in the balance.

Indeed it can be argued here that York realistically is in the stronger position.’

Sheffield then continued to be totally uncompromising; when the generous options of either a draw, a resumption of the match with half their travel expenses paid by the York AU or the match to be finished in Sheffield, they refused them all.

What is more, this was a must-win match for the York 1st team; a loss against Sheffield would make the escape of relegation very tough.

‘It is completely nonsensical that the team that is not only in the better position, but also being sporting and compromising should be punished.'

for 2nds to avoid close shave with relegation With ten minutes left to play, Remington’s side left the field of play in disgust. However, they hold out little chance of compensation from the league organisers. “Basically, BUSA can’t do anything about it because we didn’t fill out a ‘Playing Under Protest’ form,” admitted Remington. The form is reserved for situations where teams wish to register complains to an authority higher than the referee, but currently sides require the foresight to bring the forms to each match in anticipation of poor officiating.

The Sunderland game was not the first time the Football 2nds had trouble with their opposition. In their third game of the season, the Football 2nds travelled to Newcastle. However, the game as a spectacle ended in the first half: a Newcastle 3rds player, having racially abused a member of the York team, proceeded to throw a punch to get himself sent off. The actions were immediately punished by the referee, but the incident may have set a dangerous precedent for the 2nds’ season. However, the team believes privately

now but we are bang in the middle of the table and need some points to avoid relegation, but I personally think we will stay up. These last Men's Northern Conference 5B two games in particular we have had brilliant P W D L Pts team spirit and I think Teesside 3rds 7 7 0 0 21 we have what it takes [to Sunderland 2nds 7 5 0 2 15 avoid relegation].”

Northumbria 4ths 7 4 1 2 13 The games in question are a 2-0 victory in the York 2nds 7 1 3 3 6 NUL Cup over Liverpool Newcastle 3rds 7 1 1 5 4 2nds and a thrilling 4-4 Teesside 4ths 7 0 1 6 1 draw in the league return at home to Newcasthinks that his side have tle. Remington praised the team’s efforts to turned a corner.

“We certainly did not come back from an early write off the season; at deficit to get something least, I didn’t. Obviously from the match: “We we can’t get promoted were 3-0 down after 15 that the worst is behind them.

Despite not having won a home league game all season, Remington

minutes against Newcastle, purely down to three silly errors, but we picked ourselves up.

We were on top for all of the second half, and I thought we deserved to win.”

Remington has pointed to the renewed togetherness of the squad and redoubled commitment in training as reasons for their improved form. “As a committee we have started to encourage training and things are definitely better now.” Having previously blasted his players after regularly conducting training sessions with only two attendees,

Remington said that the 2nds feel confident that if they continue to apply themselves as they have in these past two matches, the results will arrive.

Should York 2nds drop from the Northern Conference 5B, the university could see their 2nds, 3rds and 4ths all competing in the sixth tier of Northern Conference football. UYAFC hope that players such as Alex Richards, Jeroen Oomen and Laurie Swan can help lift the 2nds to safety in their three remaining league fixtures.

Photo by Michael Brunsden

Photo by Tom Hole they found themselves behind again with just ten minutes to go.

Determined not to end their run of four games unbeaten, the team dug deep to score twice and produce a thrilling finish. The goals came from Laura Carter and Katie Wilson, whilst the excellent defence skills of Marieke Hampshire and Jaimie Unsworth ensured York didn’t get caught at the back.

“The match was definitely one of our best yet in terms of the excitement and the amount of effort the team put in,” explained captain, Diana

CONTROVERSY RACKED York Men’s 1st tennis match last Wednesday as their opponents, Sheffield 1st, conducted themselves in a way that Captain Cameron Downey described as ‘extremely unsporting.’

The match, being played at York, started without any problems and was well underway until it started to rain.

At that moment the score was 4-3 to Sheffield on rubbers however there were still two matches in progress.

York’s number one singles player, David LeffHallstein, was winning with ease 6-0 6-3, whilst the match between the number two doubles pairings was very early on at one game all.

After consulting BUSA, there were three options as to how to proceed: 1) Sheffield claim the match in accordance with rule 10.1: ‘In the event of a fixture being incomplete with no fault on either side, a result can be taken if four rubbers have been completed’. 2) Replay the match keeping the same players and starting from scratch. 3) Resume the match from the current score keeping the same players.

26 SPORT

YORK VISION

Tuesday December 4, 2007

BUSA UNIVERSITY SPORT - SKIING, RUGBY AND NETBALL

BY LAUREN COCKBILL HAVING SPENT years as the whipping boys of the North East, the York ski team were always a bit of a joke. Always struggling to raise a team, they would just about manage to drag themselves to a few of the local races each year, and finish just about bottom each year.

However, the last eighteen months have seen things take a remarkable change for the better, and a particularly transitional season last year, marked by the efforts of excaptain Ben Corbey, saw the development of a new look side based around a core of freshers. They enjoyed some success, eventually finishing in mid-table obscurity in the 15-team North East Kings League - a notable improvement from years gone by. A long overdue defeat of Lancaster at Roses also did a lot to confirm a strong season.

But if that was a strong step in the right direction, this year has been an enormous leap, as YUSSC (York University Ski & Snowboard Club) now find themselves sitting in 3rd spot in the North East, and look a strong bet for qualification to the national finals in May. Perhaps most impressive was the defeat of current league leaders Durham 1sts earlier in the term, which saw York jump up to second spot in the league table, just behind national champions Newcas-

ontinued From Back Page tle. What is more, the sudden emergence of a number of strong female skiers such as Katy Huckle and Lin McHugh has led to the development of a ladies team that has already qualified automatically for the national finals. A number of tough races throughout the season have seen York Ladies fight their way to second place in the women’s league, a remarkable 9 points ahead of Durham Ladies.

Buoyed by such a healthy league standing, week 5 saw York represented at a BUSA event for Alpine Skiing for the first time in the university’s history. The British University Dry Slope Championships, held in Edinburgh, was a big step up for most of the team, and disappointing performances in the individual events was partly responsible for deflating confidence. However, rallied by 2nd-year captain Max Hardy, the York side went into the team event on the final evening of the championships with nothing to lose, and confident wins over Warwick and Sussex took them as far as the quarter finals before an unfortunate mistake cost them defeat at the hands of Manchester 1sts.

“Naturally we were more than a little disappointed after the Manchester race,” says Hardy, “we surprised ourselves and by the time we had reached the quarter finals we felt like we could go even further. It wasn’t until we were sitting in the bar afterwards, wondering about what might have been, that it dawned on us just how proud we should be to finish one of the top sixteen teams in Britain. I’m delighted with my team.”

The team now look forward to the final part of the league championship next term, before heading out to Austria in March for the BUSA snow championships. Having missed out so narrowly on BUSA points in Edinburgh, York skiers will see Austria as an opportunity to make up for lost time and justify their intentions of being upgraded by the AU to a B-class sport by the end of the year. Although many are just starting to sit up and take notice, York are sending out a clear message: ‘We are now a force to be reckoned with on the ski slopes.’

First Team in Edinburgh: Max Hardy (C) Ben Corbey Lin McHugh

FIRING ON ALL PISTEONS > Skiers hopeful of reaching national championship > 'Cool Runnings' comparison not unnoticed by editorial staff

ROB ROMANS: CAMPUS' MOST PASSIONATE SPORTS REPORTER'S ROUND UP Netball 1sts Unbeaten Run Ended THE NETBALL 1sts finally succumbed to their first loss of the season on the 14th of November against league leaders Huddersfield 1sts.

Despite the heavy 43-19 defeat, the York ladies have been in fine form this season in the Women’s Northern Conference 4B. The defeat to Huddersfield would appear to be a blip in what has been a steady campaign, with the 1sts were quick to get the result out of their system as they beat Teesside 1sts 29-27 in a close encounter.

The 1sts currently sit 2nd in their league, three points behind Huddersfield and nine points ahead of York St John 2nds. The race for promotion appears to be fiercely competitive with York 1sts, Northumbria

3rds, Teesside 1sts and Newcastle 2nds all level on points, occupying second to fifth place respectively.

The situation is quite a

Netball Women's Northern Conference 4B Teeside 1st Huddersfield 1st Newcastle 2nd York 1st N'umbria 3rd York St John 2nd Teeside 2nd Newcastle 3rd York 2nd Bradford 1st

P 7 7 7 7 7 7 7 6 7 6

W 6 6 6 5 5 2 2 1 1 0

D 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0 0

L 1 1 1 2 2 5 5 5 6 6

Pts 18 18 18 15 15 6 6 3 3 0

contrast to what is happening at the opposite end of the league; 8th placed York 2nds are level on points with 9th side Teesside 2nds. The bottom two teams will be relegated at the end of the season and York 2nds will have to find some form if they are

Losses Dent Rugby 1sts' Promotion Hopes

to move clear of the foot of the table and preserve their league status.

Interestingly enough, two of York 1sts’ remaining three fixtures are against the Teesside 2nds and bottom of the table Bradford 1sts. Wins for the York 1sts in both games could potentially not only secure promotion for them, but also keep the York 2nds from falling through the relegation trap door.

The 2nds may have won their first game of the season on the 21st of November with a 44-7 win over the Bradford 1sts, but further success has been hard to come by. Whilst the 1sts’ excellent form could lead to the third division, the 2nds will have to perform in more than one game in six to stay up.

R.R.

THE RUGBY 1sts’ fixture list makes for some mixed reading, as does the Northern Conference Men’s 2B league table; five wins have sufficed this season, but also two defeats - the latest coming on the 28th November following a massive 360 defeat against the Durham 3rds. Of the three teams above them – Leeds 2nds, Durham 3rds and Newcastle 3rds – only Leeds have been defeated by the York 1st XV. Their last victory was 29-7 against Teesside 1sts; following the game, captain Paul Gooddall admitted that “promotion is now a distinct possibility .”

The defeat against Durham 3rds leaves the York 1sts in 4th place, level on points with 3rd placed Newcastle 3rds and three points adrift of top-of-the-table Leeds

2nds. If any positives can be extracted from the defeat at Durham, it is that the 1sts still have a good chance of obtaining a promotion play-off place. It shouldn’t be too much to ask of the 1sts;

Men's Northern Conference 4B

P W D L Pts 1 1 19 1 1 16 1 2 16 0 2 15 1 4 10 1 5 7 0 6 6 1 6 -2

Leeds 2nd 8 6 Durham 3rd 6 4 Newcastle 3rd 8 5 York 1st 7 5 Goals: Griffiths, Teeside 1st Hughes 8 3 Huddersfield 1st 8 2 York St John 1st 8 2 Bradford 1st 7 0

they won their first two games in a row against the Huddersfield and Bradford 1sts before losing to Newcastle, and had won three games consecutively before the crushing defeat at Durham.

Meanwhile, in the Northern Conference 4B, the Rugby 2nds also stand a good chance of

winning a promotion play-off place. The 2nds currently sit at the top of the league level on points with Hull 2nds and three points clear of third place. The 2nds also have a game in hand over the Hull 2nds; Hull 2nds have played five games this season and York 2nds have only played four.

Ultimately, the 2nds have been in fine form this season having won all of their fixtures so far.

Their recent victory was on the 28th of November which was a sensational 109-0 win over the York St. Johns 2nds. Their next fixture will be in February against Trinity & All Saints Men’s 1st team. With the 2nds producing fine results and performances of equal excellence, finishing top of the league shouldn’t be too much to ask.

R.R.

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday December 4, 2007

COLLEGE SPORT - HALIFAX LEADS CHAMPIONSHIP

27

Photo by Michael Brunsden

LOCKER ROOM LARRY

?

SHHH! WHICH CAMPUS sports team is in dire need of a new uniform?

When I saw them at the AIDS awareness event Full Stop I got a glimpse of more than I'd bargained for. They'd all stripped naked!

Hopefully the AU can provide some further funding for the poor people. They obviously don't think their current clothes are up to scratch.

Still not sure? Well, there were some odd-shaped balls on show...

It's that time of year again...

VICTORIOUS: Despite losing to James, Alcuin look set to claim the Football 1sts league title for the term

DERWENT DROWNING AS COLLEGE PACK IS SHUFFLED

BY ALEX RICHMAN AND LAUREN COCKBILL

THE FIRST college standings have been released by the AU, with several surprising positional changes from last year.

Halifax claim a comfortable lead over Goodricke, their adversary from last season.

Vanbrugh are also set to make a firm challenge, moving up one place from last year's table to third.

One college hoping the tables will turn is Derwent, whose term has started startlingly slowly. Sitting in a disappointing 6th position despite winning the Dodgeball competition this Saturday, Derwent currently lag behind tradi-

tional sporting minnows Alcuin and James.

The resurgence of these sleeping giants make for interesting reading.

Alcuin and James are hoping that the provisional figures hold up, as both colleges are excelling themselves.

The college football league has shown the two colleges' strength, with Alcuin set to seal the league next week as long as they avoid defeat against a weak Langwith side.

While James have played above themselves, Alcuin's progress from last year is remarkable.

Goodricke, the strongest footballing college in recent years, have

been surpassed by an Alcuin side blending new and old. Established university players such as Henry Smith, strong second years like Sean Hodgkinson and exciting freshers including Jack Crane and Parris Williams have combined to sweep the unfancied college to the brink of victory.

James have supplemented their success in less conventional sporting areas; their victory in the cross-country competition earlier in the term provided a points-boost that could prove crucial in their attempts to progress from the bottom three.

Wentworth will be wondering what their

BADMINTON - GOODRICKE

sports teams need to do in order to get the entire college relegated from the competition. Having amassed a mere 14 points in the table provided by the AU, Wentworth have mustered just a sixth as many points as leaders Halifax, and their next nearest rivals Langwith comfortably double their total.

The table again shows that size doesn't neccessarily matter in college sport. While Halifax are by far the largest college, Vanbrugh's improvement is testament to the importance of motivating and mobilising students. Alcuin and James' improvement suggest that the other larger colleges are fi-

nally tapping into their potential.

With several matches and tournaments left to play before the end of term, the figures provided are not definitive. They do however provide students with a clear picture of the actions set to play out over the course of the competition. Mass upheaval is expected around the middle of the table, but we may see both ends of the table reaching levels of consistency. Wentworth's disappointing showings are matched only by Halifax's determination to capitalise on last year's success, and the college will certainly take some stopping.

DARTS - VANBRUGH

FOR FURTHER INFORMATION VISIT YUSU.ORG/AU/COLLEGESPORT/FIXTURESLIVE.HTML

WHAT DOES a fiver get you nowadays? Two pints at best, with maybe a bag of crisps thrown into the bargain. Of course, it can also get you the AU's brand new calendar.

2008's edition showcases "the finest AU clubs in a variety of settings." Expect to see the Women's Rugby XV punting in Venice, Men's Hockey exploring Machu Picchu and Oxtopush at the Great Barrier Reef. Or not.

All proceeds go to the AU's nominated charity, the Yorkshire Ambulance, which is handy if you get all flustered after seeing the racy winter shots.

Grab yours from Your: Shop and the AU Office while you still can. I hear they only do a limited run - a bit like some of those rugby girls.

SHHH!

WHICH COLLEGE football team are getting a big boost next year?

Two star players for this side were scheduled to graduate this summer, leaving behind a sizable gap in the formation. However, I've heard that the lads are falling over themselves to sign up for Masters courses.

Perhaps the thought of saying goodbye to Ziggy's was just too much?

Have you heard a Wicked Whisper?

Email me at larry@yorkvision.co.uk!

Tuesday December 4, 2007

Issue 184

LORIMER ON LEEDS

P23

inside -

WE TALK WITH ENGLAND'S WORLD CUP STAR SIMON SHAW

p23

HALIFAX STILL TOP AS RACE FOR TITLE HOTS UP AUTUMN

> Vanbrugh ready to mount challenge > Derwent take dramatic tumble > Alcuin and James make major headway

BY ALEX RICHMAN AND LAUREN COCKBILL HALIFAX ARE in pole position to retain the Deloitte Championship, with a provisional Autumn college table giving them an eight-point lead over Goodricke.

The table, provided by college sport co-ordinator and AU Vice President Jack Kennedy, was compiled with several matches and one-day tournaments still left

to play. However, fray, with the surdespite being pro- prise package only visional, Kennedy two points behind rates its accuracy last year's runners up. at around 70%.

While Vanbrugh Halifax, campus' largest college, will be delighted won the annual with their percompetition for the formance, the tafirst time in their ble makes trouhistory last year, bling reading for Last after an enthral- Derwent. ling year-long tus- year's bronze medsle with Goodricke. allist, the college Today's informa- is currently reeltion suggests that ing from the loss Vanbrugh are of a raft of topready to enter the tier sportspeople.

FULL STORY: PAGE 27

They have dropped from third to sixth, below Alcuin and James.

The fourth- and fifth-placed colleges have also leapfrogged Langwith to establish themselves as credible sporting outfits for the first time in recent memory.

Perennial strugglers Wentworth remain rooted to the bottom.

STANDINGS

1. Halifax 2. Goodricke 3. Vanbrugh 4. Alcuin 5. James 6. Derwent 7. Langwith 8. Wentworth

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