Issue 190

YORKVISION GUARDIAN STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

THE GUILLEMOTS

COLLEGE CUP

CENTRE

www.yorkvision.co.uk

ISSUE 190

SPORT

SCENE

TUESDAY JUNE 24, 2008

?

THE POWER LIST

Our Vice-Chancellor won't attend the meetings, so let's send a letter to remind him that

WE WANT OUR BAR BY

WE, THE STUDENTS, believe that the YUSU-owned bar in Langwith should open by the original scheduled month of October 1st 2008.

Is it really too much to ask for? A bar is a key part of any university

campus, and the recent UGM vote has shown our thirst for YUSUowned beverages.

Please confirm that you will endeavour to see that the completion of this long-awaited project occurs before we return in Autumn.

That might just make up for your cowardly dodging of our protest.

CUT OUT, SIGN AND SEND TO VICE-CHANCELLOR BRIAN CANTOR: DETAILS OVERLEAF

2NEWS

YORK VISION

your week QUOTE OF THE WEEK 3

" ...

HAVING A BALL?

Tuesday June 24, 2008

"

The rousing words said to students

by Brian Cantor during the past week, which saw protestors descend upon Heslington Hall, where his office is situated.

GOOD WEEK bad week GOOD WEEK

york staff

They've waited all year, and finally the Power List is out.

BAD WEEK

wh o s e event, slowly d e n g li e a m acts hav g headline stature, accruin AN M H d li IC in R so n X g w E n

BY AL securi S gro TUDENT e airtime andkes of Taio Cruz S H G ALTHOUwaiting outsidd- sales; the li eat, unheralded WERE ke's YUSU builed and Alphabparts in the lineir ve Goodric week, it look when the nnounced, ha ing last e Mc-Queue's. o- up were a me household more lik ne, filled with pe ir since becowever, even the The li up the es. Ho ning of g nam of an eve r to pick ple eagefor the upcomined excitement d rented tuxedos tickets Ball, soon swell ke pop hits an ough to cheer Summer etrate Goodric e weren’t enf these grumpy o isto pen , spilling out th up some students. One d e th g d in e d st n receptionr. sher bla m- sta back doosight can be tru ic- gruntled freiculous”. d v ri f “ o The s a l a symbo ly wait peted asr the previous fo y tor

york students

Received further confirmation that the administrators still don't respect them.

the number cruncher 95 12 0

Percentage of voters who want the YUSU bar open by Oct 1 Pence donated to RAG by the average Halifax student

Seconds the Vice-Chancellor spent listening to protesting students.

Photo: Jasmine Phillips

TO GET YOUR VOICE HEARD, SIMPLY ASK YOUR FRIENDLY LOCAL PORTER FOR AN INTERNAL MAIL ENVELOPE. CUT OUT THE LETTER ON OUR FRONT PAGE, SIGN YOUR NAME AT THE TOP AND SEND IT TO:

BRIAN CANTOR HESLINGTON HALL ROOM H112 THEN, JUST POP IT INTO ONE OF THE INTERNAL MAIL BOXES BY MOST CAMPUS PORTERS' LODGES. THE BIGGER BRIAN'S POST PILE, THE BIGGER OUR CHANCE! SEE OUR COVERAGE OF THE LANGWITH STORY ON PAGE 8, WITH OUR COMMENT ON PAGE 9. THEN GIVE US YOUR THOUGHTS AT VISION@YUSU.ORG.

YORK VISION

on facebook

The definitive source of campus gossip on facebook. Add it now at www.yorkvision.co.uk!

3 STUDENT NO LONGER WELCOME AT UNI EVENTS NEWS

YORK VISION

Tuesday June 24, 2008

Battle of the BANNED

BY DAN HEWITT

KID GLOVE front-man Oliver Regan became campus’ most banned man after getting kicked out of a college event.

Having been thrown out of last Saturday’s Vintage, Regan was stopped from playing at Woodstock, York’s biggest music event of the year. He is also banned from attending his own Graduation Ball. DoorSafe bouncers chucked the third year music student out of the last Planet V of term for “being a danger to the event”. Regan told Vision that bouncers threw him out of the event for “having too much to drink” and

attempting to steal drinks from others.Vanbrugh football captain Regan has said that the bouncers’ accusations were “absolute rubbish” and that he is completely innocent. “I have lots of witnesses to confirm I was doing nothing wrong,” he argued, “The bouncers have completely exaggerated the story, but it’s my word against theirs.” Second year Jenny Coyle, who witnessed the incident, insisted that Regan had done nothing wrong. “He’d had a few drinks but there was no reason to throw him out,” she claimed, “I was completely sober so I knew what was

going on.”Coyle said that the DoorSafe workers “grabbed [Regan] by the arm and told him it was time to go”, much to everyone’s surprise. Regan was accused of attempting to steal a drink from history student Matt Richards, a team-mate and friend of the Vanbrugh skipper. Richards supported Regan’s story and insisted that his teammate was not trying to steal anything from him.

Following his removal from the event Regan vented his frustration at the Doorsafe bouncers. Onlooker Harry Pearse spoke of how Regan “playfully taunted” members of the door

staff. He said that “a few of the bouncers were getting annoyed when he began calling them ‘meat heads’ and flexing his muscles at them, saying ‘see you in Next Gen gym lads’, but despite that he should never have been kicked out.”

Any attempts at an appeal were quashed on Friday after Regan was told by University officials that there “wasn’t enough time” to assemble a panel to consider his case.

As a result, his band Kid Glove, who took part in the 2008 Battle of the Bands earlier this year, were without their front-man at Woodstock. Other

members of the band wore tshirts bearing the slogans ‘Free-gen’ [sic] and ‘Regan lives on’ in support of their absent friend.

“I could be proven innocent on Wednesday if a panel can meet but until then I just have to wait,” Regan said. “I am absolutely devastated.”

YUSU officer Sam Bayley told Vision, “We’ve received an incident report from last week’s event and are following our usual procedure for any complaints of this type. We have a responsibility to protect our staff from any alleged aggressive behaviour.”

STUDENTS ALMOST RESCUED FROM CULTURE AS ACT OF GOD DISRUPTS CONCERT

SAVED

BY THE BELL

BY EMILY HODGES

A FULL SCALE EVACUATION of York Minster interrupted the University of York’s Choir concert, after a fire alarm was accidentally set off.

Five fire engines rushed to the scene, as hundreds of audience members and performers stood out

in front of the Minster. The disruption, which turned out to be a false alarm, was produced by an activated smoke detector in one of the towers.

First year singer Frances Bernhardt told Vision of how the Choir were stopped mid-performance. “A security man came and spoke to the conductor.” says

Bernhardt. “There was silence, as everyone tried to work out what was happening. Everyone was confused. Eventually they opened the big doors at the back of the Minster, and everyone was evacuated.”

The Wednesday night concert was a performance of Verdi’s Requiem, the culmination of a term of preparation by the University

Choir and Symphony Orchestra.

Disgruntled first year Sara Pournasrollahzadeh, who was watching the concert, claimed the audience was made to wait outside for around half an hour. “It was raining as well, which didn’t make it any better” she said.

Bernhardt says the atmosphere outside the Minster was a positive one

though.

“The orchestra started playing their instruments outside, and there was a really nice vibe”. The concert resumed after the delay, and was completed successfully by the choir.

4NEWS

student press We read them... ...so you don't have to B.O.G.O.F. A nightclub in York is to provide shared toilet cubicles for female customers, The Press reports. Club Salvation wants to recognise that “toilets are very important to girls” by allowing them to continue chatting while they use the facilities. The 'twobicles' are part of a £1 million refurbishment to the club on George Hudson Street which will also include seating and beauty boutiques in the ladies’.

Salvation’s business manager believes that, for females, going to the toilet on a night out is “just as important as going to the bar”. However, The Press angrily rants: “some parts of your life should stay private, and going to the loo is one of them”.

Jelly Babes A wresting tournament taking place in a paddling pool of jelly has ended in arrest for one student, The Cambridge Student reports. The competition for female students with a prize of £250 suddenly turned unpleasant when undergraduate Nadia Witkowski was defeated and booed.

One spectator said that Witkowski “turned around and punched a girl in the crowd. She fell back and her nose literally exploded”. The bikini-clad brawler then tried to flee the scene, head-butting a bouncer on the way out. She was cautioned by the police and has been banned from all future jelly wrestling.

Glaswegians Haven't Evolved

One in ten medic students believe evolution to be untrue, the Glasgow University Guardian writes.

Research at Glasgow University has shown that many are instead choosing biblical or other creationist theories, rather than ones based on scientific evidence.

Glasgow professors have reacted with anger to the findings, with one blasting it as “distressing”.

Another stated “Evolution is fact,” adding that “the religious aspect of creationism may be a hindrance to the ability to evaluate evidence objectively.”

The research comes at the same time that a controversial creationist book has been sent to Scottish universities which links evolutionary theory with terrorism, the Nazi Party and Stalinist communism.

Bandle in the Wind A satirical musical about Princess Diana written by a Brighton student has been banned from public performance. The National Student reports that the university informed composer Rupert Dannreuther that his masterpiece would only be performed in front of select guests.

Dannreuther commented: “I kind of hoped it would provoke some discussion as it is trying to make a point about the spectacle of celebrities.”

Posters for the show have a picture of a skeleton wearing a tiara.

Dannreuther can still be hopeful that his musical will reach a wide audience, because the University will not be able to stop videos of the show being uploaded to YouTube. Martin Williams

YORK VISION

Tuesday June 24, 2008

CHETDEPOSED CHAIR "PERSONALLY

BY EMILY FAIRBAIRN JAMES CHAIR Chet Khatu has been removed from his position by his own JCRC. In a dramatic move, the JCRC passed a vote of no confidence against their chair, forcing him to step down.

However, the decision has been criticised as undemocratic and greeted with shock by much of the campus community.

One James student told Vision “I don’t see how this can have anything but a massively negative impact on college spirit and morale.”

The vote was passed by just 10 votes to 2 in a James JCRC meeting last Wednesday, despite several members being absent and the issue not being put on the agenda in advance.

Jonathan Caunce, James College Press and Publicity Rep, who proposed the motion of no confidence, cited “leadership issues” as his reason for calling the vote.

Khatu has hit back saying that “it is a bit more personal than that”.

In a statement released to Vision, the JCRC said that the decision was “motivated by a desire to see the continued smooth running of the JCRC”, claiming that “this decision was taken purely on professional grounds, and should not be viewed as a personal attack in any way towards Chet Khatu.”

The Committee claim they had become uncomfortable with Khatu as Chair following a series of incidents including his “condoning behaviour such as the ‘stripper incident’ in James JCR” which Vision uncovered last term. He is further accused of failing to attend College Committee and Freshers’ Week meetings, as well as failing to support JCRC run events. Khatu is even charged with “intimidation of JCRC members”.

Khatu also allegedly refused to consult the JCRC on important policy issues. Caunce says that the JCRC felt “bypassed in the making of key decisions - most recently with the issue of Sky Sports for the college”. Khatu had recently fulfilled his election promise of securing Sky television for James JCR, apparently without input from the JCRC. Caunce says that the JCRC “should have at least been told about the decision and it should have been voted on as a committee - even if just to rubber stamp the plans”, even though he admits that “with the deal that was being offered, there was little chance of anyone objecting.”

Defending his actions during his time as Chair, Khatu says “if you look at the job description for a College Chair, I have done it and gone beyond it”. He says he feels he has been “personally victimised” by members of his own JCRC and that his job as Chair had been made very difficult by the actions of the James Provost, Neil Lunt, who Khatu describes as a “very petty man”.

Khatu blames Lunt’s rejection via email of all of his “constructive suggestions” as the reason for his failure to attend College Com-

mittee. Khatu also claims that he had offered to attend Freshers’ Week meetings but that the subcommittee had told him that they did not want him to.

Dr Lunt, described by Khatu as a “rude and confrontational”, claims that as Provost he had “tried to keep a good working relationship with everybody”. He criticised Khatu for forwarding email correspondence between the two of them to Nouse: “that is not productive…all things should be done with honesty and transparency”.

Although the vote of no confidence was passed in ac-

cordance with the James College Constitution, the fact that the wider college community was not consulted has been criticised as undemocratic by many James students, including Khatu himself.

First year James student Abigail Fenton says “the way the whole thing was brought about was under-handed. The college constitution is seriously lacking if it doesn’t allow all college members not only not to vote, but not even to have a chance to have a say over something this important.”

However, YUSU’s Societies and Communications Officer Sam

Bayley has defended the actions of the James JCRC, saying “the James JCRC followed the correct procedure, everything was done properly and transparently… It was James College students that voted in the constitution which allows the JCRC to do that.” The JCRC now plan to improve the Constitution in time for being presented at a James General Meeting next term.

Concerns have also been raised about whether James will be able to satisfactorily cater for new students during Freshers’ Week, given that there is unlikely to be a new chair before Christ-

JAMES JCRC vs CHET: WHAT THEY SAY HE'S DONE nd acarency aC and p s n a r t f A lack o ility to the JCR ding a countab s a whole, inclu rm or college ate failure to info porcomple the JCRC on ims consult policy decision tant

A lack

of sup po run e rt during J vents CRC

workining theollege m r e d n u c Serially tionship with a lack of ing rela aff, including ouncil C st welfare ance at College eetings attend e Resource m to email and Zon re to respond ilu n a d a fa communication

YORK VISION

NEWS

Tuesday June 24, 2008

MATE

VICTIMISED" BY JAMES JCRC

j

College Chairs back Chet David Sharp Halifax

"I was outraged by the decision. James JCRC has made a mistake in taking him out of university politics."

Erik O'Connor Alcuin

"Chet has been a valuable member of YUSU Senate, and consistently supported other JCR Chairs.

I therefore found it difficult to understand the vote of no confidence."

Joe Clarke Goodricke

"The constitution needs re-evaluating immediately and I fully believe that Chet was, and still could be, a great asset to James."

Matt OliverVanbrugh

CON strippTROVERS Y: er sca ndal We repor last M t arch Chet's

mas. Bayley says that YUSU “will help James with anything that they need to do to co-ordinate Freshers’ Week… their plans are already in place and rolling and the current committee will be able to cope with the workload.”

Amber Brittain, James Vice Chair who is now to be Acting Chair, told Vision: “I am confident the remaining members of the JCRC are more than able and willing to take on any extra work that this decision has left us with and we don’t think it will have a detrimental effect to

Failure Week p to attend an potent lanning mee y Freshers’ ially ha tings, th r for theming the pla us ns week

the running of the JCRC.” Brittain adds that she hopes that the “college will support us as our decision was made in their best interest” Khatu is pessimistic about the future of James JCRC: “they will

uch as aviour s James h e b g in in Condon per incident’ ge meme ip the ‘strhich made coll le and also JCR w l uncomfortab are aims lf bers fee cted with we e commitconfli isleading th t in such n – and mhis involveme r s t n e v tee ove e

"Irrelevant of people’s personal opinions, his role as Chair is to lead and in my experience with Chet he has done that admirably."

not be to match the work I have been doing in the University”. However, his predecessor, YUSU President Anne-Marie Canning, has lent her support to the Acting Chair.

"Amber Brittain has proved herself to be a competent and very capable Vice Chair," said Canning.

"I am confident she will make a great James College Acting Chair."

Oliver Lester Derwent

"From personal experience, Chet has proved himself to be dedicated, hard working and 100% in love with his college."

Zach Pepper Langwith Alleged mem intimidatio structu bers within con of JCRC r mmitte tee memes, resulting in e b e r s feeling commitperform una their du ties pro ble to perly

"I can only assume that those who have taken it upon themselves to remove him are unaware of the amount of work that Chet was doing on their behalf."

5

6NEWS

HALIFAX SHAMED IN RAG TABLE

BY ALEX RICHMAN TABLE RELEASED by RAG has revealed that total takings are down on last year, with Halifax college contributing a paltry £120.94: an average of just 12p per student.

The figures put RAG’s total for the past year at £18,658, compared to a grand total of £34,403.20 in 2006/'7.

The sum does not include Woodstock’s takings, but these are not anticipated to bring the number up to match last year's. YUSU’s Student Development and Charities Officer Joey Ellis detailed her expectations for the success of RAG’s campus centerpiece: “The wristband selling and the raffle tickets… made us a lot of money. Usually the day takes about £5000 with all the donations on the door and everything.”

It is believed that the overall decline in money raised can be attributed to revenue lost on Viking Raid tickets, with RAG having to share the bar crawl’s profits for the first time. However, Ellis lauded college involvement which saw a highly successful RAG Week.

“This year we did amazingly well in the RAG Parade,” said Ellis, explaining that it was the highestgrossing Parade for “the last few years”, which she pointed out was “definitely down to the colleges.” Despite bad weather during Woodstock, Ellis felt that it too was a success: “I think we definitely had the right combination of acts and stuff.”

The table, below, was released to decide the winners of the RAG Cup, awarded to the college which earns the most money for the charity outfit. The reveal, made on Woodstock’s stage on Saturday, saw Goodricke narrowly pip Vanbrugh to the title, although the provisional nature of the table may yet see the latter steal a dramatic late victory.

Goodricke £1278.18 Vanbrugh £950.27* £661.67 James Langwith £626.08 £534.56 Alcuin Derwent £297.75 Wentworth £223.99 £120.94 Halifax *subject to change

YORK VISION Tuesday June 24, 2008

YORK STUDENTS UNDER SIEGE : FRESHER REQUIRES SURGERY AFTER PARISH HELL

HARSH TANGLE IN PARISH

BY DANIEL HEWITT

RECONSTRUCTIVE SURGERY had to be performed on a York student after he was violently assaulted by an anonymous attacker in a nightclub.

First year Chris Wheatley was left with a broken nose, a fractured cheek bone and a damaged eye socket head-butted being after by an unknown man during YUSU’s Viking Raid.

Speaking to Vision about the attack, Wheatley told how he was confronted in The Parish after he had accidentally pushed the door into the man’s shoulder.

“I immediately said sorry but he just leaned back and head butted me in the face,” recalls Wheatley. “I couldn’t remember what had happened at first as I was in a state of shock. I just had this sharp, stabbing pain in my cheek.”

“I don’t remember what the guy looked like or anything, it all happened so quickly. I went downstairs to my mates and they said they’d keep an eye on me.

At first there was no blood or swelling, but when we got home my nose started bleeding and my eye started to close up.”

Fellow first year Dan Radford soon realised that

the injuries which his friend had sustained were serious.

“He didn’t what where he was or what was going on,” says Radford. “When we got back he just passed out and he was in a really bad way.”

Wheatley was taken to hospital by flatmates Claire Price and Terry Couburn, where doctors told Wheatley that his cheek bone had been cracked in two and his nose had been broken, meaning that he required immediate facial surgery.

A permanent metal plate has now been placed in Wheatley’s face to keep the bone in place.

The incident took place just before 10pm but as the

attack took place in the toilets it was unfortunately not captured on CCTV and there were no witnesses.

“I have this plate in my face for the rest of my life now. I’ve been speaking to the police but there isn’t much they can do because I don’t remember much of it and without any CCTV nothing can be proven,” regrets Wheatley.

The attack follows a series of incidents reported by Vision over the past month involving York students being assaulted in bars and nightclubs, a worrying trend for a city not known for violence.

YORK VISION Tuesday June 24, 2008

NEWS

Be considerate of the local community after Summer Ball and Big D...

KEEP THE NOISE DOWN! www.yusu.org/sshh

7

8NEWS

UGM RESULTS Campaign for a 1st October 2008 opening of the Langwith Cafe Bar Development

What it meant Giving YUSU the mandate to lobby on students' behalf to get the YUSU bar open by October

How you voted FOR: 353 AGAINST: 16 ABSTAINED: 4

YORK VISION

UN-BARLIEVABLE

Tuesday June 24, 2008

TOP DOG SKIPS PROTEST AS STUDENTS MOBILISE

Time for Change: Moving YUSU Forward

What it meant Implementing changes to YUSU outlined in the recent organisational review

How you voted FOR: 220 AGAINST: 17 ABSTAINED: 24

Photo: Niko

Make YUSU Campaign For Longer Library Opening Hours

What it meant Instigating attempts to lengthen opening hours, and forcing a survey on desired times.

How you voted FOR: 287 AGAINST: 20 ABSTAINED: 10

York Union Budget 2008/2009

What it meant Passing the proposed YUSU budget.

How you voted FOR: 225 AGAINST: 17 ABSTAINED: 25

BY MARTIN WILLIAMS VICE-CHANCELLOR BRIAN Cantor has failed to attend a meeting to hear students’ views on the delayed building of Langwith bar. The lack of communication marks increasing resentment by YUSU after it was announced that the university would not remove asbestos from the area in time for the Autumn term.

Last Thursday nearly 200 students put on costumes to protest against the delays. They turned up to a meeting with Cantor in Vanbrugh, only to discover he had gone to Oxford for dinner. Policy and Campaigns Officer Tom Langrish said “next time we do something we want to see double the number there!”

Societies and Communications Officer, Sam Bayley, told Vision “we are very disappointed that he didn’t show up… we don’t think it reflects well

on the university for the VC not to attend a meeting like that”.

Students have shown their dissatisfaction with the bar’s opening being put back from Fresher’s week to January with a resounding vote in favour of a YUSU campaign against the University’s proposal to delay the opening of the refurbished bar.

The online vote, over the decision to mandate a YUSU campaign, was taken following a recent University General Meeting (UGM) and passed easily by 353 votes to 16.

Anne-Marie Canning told the UGM that the university’s behaviour was “disgraceful”, arguing that “facilities are being taken away and not being replaced”. Bayley commented that the Vice Chancellor appearing to be shy away from the issue “means that he has noticed the student pressure, because otherwise he would have been at the meeting”.

IRATE: One of se veral fliers being posted around ca mpus Many students who originally opposed the bar have now joined the campaign to open it next term. Following YUSU’s decision to book events in Langwith bar every Friday of the term, Derwent Chair Oliver Lester admitted he had been “initially pissed off ”, but the JCRC is now in full support of the bar after they “sat down as a committee and planned some truly amazing events for next term.

In the end we are actually quite satisfied with the planner!”

However, if the bar is not opened in time, YUSU will be forced to re-arrange all the events that have been booked.

Bayley has warned that the delaying the building of the bar will have serious effects on both students and YUSU. Langwith freshers will be the third college of students not to have a bar but, instead, there will be a construction site which will “cause an awful amount of disruption

to students”.

With the most profit from the bar expected in the first few weeks of the Autumn term, failure to complete refurbishment in time will also be financially damaging for YUSU. In a statement to the UGM, Langwith Chair Zach Pepper said “It’s going to be very detrimental to the whole project, first of all and not least, because Langwith won’t have a bar in Fresher’s Week, a massive impact on the fresher’s that are arriving”.

As the Summer approaches, pressure is growing on Cantor to take notice of the overwhelming student voice. Bayley told Vision: “We think that he should take more notice of what students want and not back off from students just because they have turned up to express their opinion.”

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday June 24, 2008

9

Can't hold your drink, Brian...

Your:Chance

R

emember when students used to love causes, protests, that sort of thing? Well here's our chance for a bit more Sixties nostalgia.

Send our letter. Visit a protest. Spend all day getting drunk on lager bought at Your: Shop in defiance. If we can't get riled up about our right to alcohol, then what else is left?

We've always assumed that the university couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery, but are we really going to let them fail to organise a bar in a bar?

Who gives you extra?

£

120.94 raised by Halifax College for RAG? What a joke! For the college with the most students on campus, the amount collected truly was appalling. Wentworth-at-sport appalling.

ROBERT ROMANS N

ot so long ago, the University of Exeter student newspaper Expose mentioned in an article that the students at the University of York “Don’t know how to drink”.

I thought that this was rather an unfair and ill-informed statement to make too.

Further, having experienced the Exeter student scene on a few occasions and as a veteran of many trips to York’s student attractions such as Ziggy’s, such a claim, I believe, is unfounded: York students know how to drink.

The students at Exeter, according to my sister, know how to drink heavily. As far as I’m concerned, York students are good at it too. Just stand outside a York nightclub on a student night and you will get all the proof you need. Not that I’d recommend it of course...

The problem with this University isn’t that some students don’t know how to down pints of Snakebite or whatever, it is that the places we have to take our alcoholic custom are being shut.

My time at York has been littered with reports of the University threatening to close campus bar, I’d hardly regard this as a healthy practise as

the campus bars are integral part of University life and help to develop an enjoyable time at the University of York.

Frankly, the student population of this University are fed up with the bars being shut AND we would like a proper campus venue too - the charm of the Mondrian dining room in Vanbrugh just isn’t what the students are looking for on a night out.

The support for the new student venue in Langwith College supports this statement, the students at this University feel passionately about it and YUSU are rightfully campaigning for a proper student venue. It’s just a shame that our Vice-Chancellor Brian Cantor doesn’t seem to be listening. The protest outside Heslington Hall illustrated the feelingsof YUSUandthestudents.

Admittedly, Cantor was in Oxford and missed the protest, but will those who walk the corridors in Heslington Hall accurately relay our feelings to him? When students walk through Langwith next October, that question will have been answered. Spin is a wonderful thing.

When I arrived at York in October 2006, I was shocked to find that there wasn’t a proper Student Union bar.

Further, being told we’d

have to wait until 2017 to get one, by which time the planned Heslington East campus will be up and running, is absurd.

As a member of Halifax College, I frequently visited the soon to be closed JJ's on various occassions and the quality of Halifax’s Xtra events in my first year illustrated why the University are closing the bars: no one goes to some of them.

In Halifax’s case, the price and quality of the events explained why.

The price of tickets to the events were lowered this year and attendances increased, however, this wasn't enough to prevent the University from shutting JJ's.

However, just because JJ’s was unsuccessful doesn’t mean to say that the students of this University don’t care and don’t want a bar or a central campus venue. We do and we would like a venue such as the proposed one for Langwith. Club-D and Planet-V are decent nights out and the popularity of these events reflect this. However, turning a dining room into an area for people to dance in whilst in a drunken daze to whatever appalling excuse for music the DJ is playing isn't quite the real deal. Goodricke’s McQs has a psuedo-pub atmosphere, but isn’t a proper student

venue. All these places are popular, however, all three aren’t proper student union venues.

The fact that all of the aforementioned locations use a dining hall for major events shows this. It is also worth pointing out that the student venues at Universities such as Exeter, Leeds, Sheffield, UEA and Durham attract famous bands for concerts. What has York had?

A Bob Geldof concert, held in Central Hall, a venue inappropriate for a concert of that nature. This was highlighted by the amount of damage done to Central Hall during the concert.

In short, a student venue is something that the University and the students need and could potentially be beneficial. In regards to Expose’s claim, surely if we had more places to drink then maybe the more experienced students at this University could teach those darling little freshers how to consume five shots of Sambuca in a minute? That way we’d probably maintain our high drinking rate too.

We know how to drink, we’re just losing the places to engage in this practise. We need a proper student venue. Oh, and make mine a Deuchars please, Brian. There's a good chap.

Are the residents of Halifax tight-fisted? Or just a cliquey group of individuals who don't care about the rest of the university and the wonderful community-based activites run by YUSU? Answers on a postcard, please.

Hopefully we're wrong. Maybe the residents of Halifax are a charitable bunch; even if less than 10 Halifax students took part in the RAG parade.

Parish the thought

O

nce again, another act of mindless violence has been committed on a York student in a city centre bar, this time in The Parish on Micklegate.

Whilst the plastic surgeons based at York's hospitals must be rubbing their hands in delight at the amount of business they are getting, the behaviour of some individuals is becoming increasingly worrying. What is it that possesses these idiots to engage in such disgusting and anti-social behaviour?

Hopefully the filth responsible for committing criminal acts on students will be brought to account sooner rather than later. York would then be a better place.

Not a proper student venue, but hey, we can still drink here. For now.

YORK VISION Tuesday June 24, 2008

Alex Richman Rob Romans Deputy Editor: Sarah Stretton Scene Editor: Mike Regan Managing Editors: Sean Hodgkinson Ben Rayner Deputy Management: POST OPEN IT Editor: POST OPEN Deputy IT: POST OPEN News Editors: Daniel Hewitt Deputy News: Emily Fairbairn Martin Williams Comment Editor: Mike Sims Deputy Comment: Harry Pearse Features Editors: Joe Burnham Editors:

Emilie Roohan Deputy Features: Catherine Moore Hannah O’Shea Lifestyle Editors: Sally Makaruk Emily Hodges Deputy Lifestyle: Catherine Moore Hannah O'Shea Style Editors: Helen Nianias Immy Willets Deputy Style: Joanne Rea Food & Drink Editor: Lewis Colam Deputy F&D: Ollie Harvey Travel Editor: Alex Dale Deputy Travel: Andy Henrick Sports Editor:

Andy McGrath

Deputy Sports: Joseph Rahman James Norton Photo Editors: Juliet Burns Terry Li Deputy Photo: POST OPEN Sub Editor:

Martin Williams

Social Secretaries: Sally Makaruk Hannah O'Shea

Call us: 01904 433720 vision@yusu.org www.yorkvision.co.uk

Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers. Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2008.

Printed by Yorkshire Web

10 COMMENT

YORK VISION Tuesday June 24, 2008

LETTERS

Write to us: Vision Letters, Grimston House Email us: vision@yusu.org

ane Ritchie h S m o r f s Save u Dear Vision,

Thanks for your letter. It must first be said that we too detest Shane Ritchie and his tacky little show. Anyway, James’ lack of a central venue has long been a thorny issue, and the college would undoubtedly benefit from a proper drinking hole (both in terms of alcoholic pleasure and in a community sense). Whether this is logistically possible is, of course, another matter…

ve the luxury R will soon ha JC ’s ge lle Co ge waste of mes at this is a hu It looks like Ja onally think th rs pe I d an , of Sky TV 0, I hear). money (£2,00 ents, but venue for stud mes’ JCR as a e comJa e th ov in pr ge im lle shing my co The aim is to pu is el e should fe w I at TV pt th funding crap it is an attem n. Instead of core to io al ct re re a di es ng m ro Ja pletely w bar to give cure a proper be trying to se t. iri sp llege encourage co ch to Sky TV, whi ing “treated” be os m ilk I’ W is, e th an he Stev But rather th “Airline”, “T ch delights as hie’s “Don’t tc Ri e an broadcasts su Sh l) Thanks, Jason. It may have seemed an inopportune old help us al Show” and (G moment to the members of Senate for considering a ” rics!

Forget The Ly separate Racial Equality Comittee...but really, when is the right time? As the most regular YUSU forum, ly, Yours sincere Senate should be free and open for all of those within t. en the organisation to forward their causes, as was sugsid ved James re A very aggrie gested at the time by Chet Khatu. Sadly, our article showed that this does not appear to be the case.

NO, SAYS MIKE SIMS

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hile many York students may class themselves as politically interested, it must surely be argued in two ways: the first that very few are politically aligned to a particular party, and the second that there is a general feeling of apathy towards campus politics.

Let me expand on these points.

The first concerns the lack of allegiance between students and any party, and this is certainly true for the vast majority of students that I know. They may hate one, several or even all of them, but most do not positively affiliate with any. Yet politics has been a constant fixture in the news recently, from Gordon Brown’s woes to the David Davis kafuffle, and in recent months Zimbabwean voters have been battling to make their voice heard through a rigged voting system.

Many students, it cannot be doubted, hold strong views on current political issues, perhaps most notably ones relating to the environment. The excellent “Environmental Questionnaire” that featured in the last issue of Vision shows that concern for Green issues is shared by pretty much every student surveyed (yet hardly anyone proclaims loudly that they are a “Green Party Supporter”). So clearly we hold strong views, but do so without the need to ally with a particular party. York’s lack of a party culture is in direct contrast to other Uni’s such as Oxford, and also contrasts with our own history, as even a decade ago campus politics was dominated by bitter party lines.

The second major point I wish to make is that of apathy towards student-based politics, which in the last few years has certainly

risen. For instance, at the recent AU elections the vast majority of the non-sabbatical positions were uncontested and turnout was, to put it kindly, underwhelming.

And this is not a one-off, instead mirroring previous years.

Campus politics is simply not exciting and not of daily interest or even relevance. Mad Cap’n Tom Scott was elected YUSU President on the basis of being a pirate, and while it helped secure turnout of a respectable 30%, it was only a short-term gimmick that I predict will not be seen again for a long time. Students only paid attention due to the hype, not due to a burning desire to consume campus politics in the longer-term. Scott skillfully exploited this, but his triumph was quickly described as shortsighted and damaging by many.

Now that the fascination has worn off, the Captain admitted last week that he will drop his vote-grabbing act, and the effect of losing the costume will be to lose the interest of many. Scott has also recently labelled student politics ‘so small and petty’.

This is very true, and reflects wider disillusionment and alienation at the often mind-numbing squabbling that takes place within campus powers.

Even in last year’s local elections, Heslington’s turnout was just 37.2%, despite the provision of a campus ballot box. Universal suffrage is less than a century old, yet a high level of apathy now prevails. This article is definitely not preaching about voting. I personally have exercised my vote in the past, and will continue to do so, but it’s your own personal choice – and ultimately you cannot be forced to be interested…

Are York students politically minded?

And should they be?

Cap'n Scott ision, is sin king I was intr Dear V

uiged The R by t a sort o cial Equali he inaccur tie ut the ac propo s Officers y of your line d pa sa at w of day e was not “ ls within th ere given ge 2 article s at be e dead permis a num . st to brin b li s g the ; they had er of weeks ne date. Th ion to alread propo meetin ” e d a way eadsa y g were o this week l to the tab had “a num but a coup . The le in a le ber of nly fin t d im tion it w a v seeme lising the f e constrain ance of the eeks” in Comm d like t Senat the w al (small) p was real a it ro nd as e o ately. tee to it in w haste ng time to ints of the As the const e an ad re had ex itupecte were media d better to d a Racial E d it to p has se be rep representa ut it throug quality e tiv o h page mingly dec that lo ided t rted on fair es at the m sepero put oks to ly The S up an , but inste eeting I en m ad ar comm ate was 10 ake YUSU 0% un out as ticle on th Vision ittee e seco but th animo anti-R the re nd e u acial E a sly be time c h motio son that I qualit perso onstraints ind a racia n still nall l equa y. were ca ficers lit re penne rried to co y voted a gainst al and tha y ntain d up t t is it if th he ne it, tho c e essary u Yours inform Racial Equ gh the , ali ation in tim ty Ofe. Jason Rose

YES, SAYS HARRY PEARSE

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spectre is haunting Britain’s youth - the spectre of “cool” Toryism.

Several weeks ago, while scouring the insipid news pages of Nouse for anything not related to YUSU paperclip budgets, I stumbled across a startling report. Although nationally the cohort of young Tories in Britain is swelling, courtesy of this typically bland Nouse survey I was alerted to York’s apparent endemic student political apathy and increasing, party disaffiliation.

I would have hoped this paradox would suffice to imbue any ordinary young person with the desire to take up demagoguery and beat the disinterest and/or right wing delusion out of any culpable stranger. Alas, I was wrong. Having never met an unashamed Conservative before I arrived in York, (they obviously did exist back home; I’m from London), I was bemused by what I saw as their willingness to court ignominy by flaunting their Toryism.

I don’t know if it was political aloofness that left a vacuum willingly filled by irritatingly ebullient miniature Cameron’s, or whether young right wingers are, themselves, becoming more vociferous and self-righteous. With Labour in freefall, I expect a combination of the two.

What’s really scary though is the way it is no longer embarrassing to be Tory, even a young one. Cured of its political leprosy, Conservatism is now a very dangerous force.

And it is precisely in circumstances like these that those of us with any decent, caring, or considerate political sinews should be at our most active. We mustn’t let those silly, pompous

gits get an easy ride! Failing to oppose the gaggle of Tory idiots only serves to unwittingly accelerate this increasingly prominent zeitgeist shift.

Stubborn disillusionment, justifiable at times, becomes a little self-indulgent when ones political adversaries are the sole beneficiaries.

I am openly more tendentious than the smug, future Telegraph runners over at Nouse, but political apathy and incremental student Toryisation are not boring realities and are not best conveyed by pie charts and dull journalism. We are sleepwalking into a Conservative age; alarm bells should be deafening you!

With their whiff of superiority becoming an increasingly acrid stench, this notion may well appeal to the Nouse big wigs, but us ordinary folk need to take note and shake off our inertia.

Thus, with the unequivocal backing of the entire Vision team(?!), I urge you to curtail the surge in Tory appreciation.

Wrest student politics from the grip of self-satisfied money lovers and immigrant neurotics, and return it to the realm of dreamy-eyed, soppy optimism.

Growing up comes later. Indeed, you have an entire section of your life - middle age - to develop an odd passion for Conservatism, (and its cognate traits; sandal and sock combos, bald patches and portliness). Why fritter away the best bits of your youth being unappealingly precocious?

Tories = rubbish. End rant.

Those desiring to vent any anger caused by this piece can email me at hjp500. I’ll next check my inbox in October.

Enjoy the Summer!

YORK VISION

COMMENT

Tuesday June 24, 2008

COLUMNS

END-OF-YEAR SPECIAL

JOE CLARKE

DAN

HEWITT

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t seems that wherever you turn and whomever you speak to you, the consensus seems to be that this university is on the decline.

Whether this is YUSU’s fault, the university’s fault, the fault of Brian Cantor, the man we all love to hate, or even the fault of the students, we’ve all been led to believe by most sources that, on the whole, things are pretty shit.

I myself am guilty of contributing to this growing agreement, writing only a few weeks ago that our future careers are at risk due to the failures of this institution. But when asked by our esteemed comment editors to review my year at York, there wasn’t much I could muster that was genuinely that bad. These next few lines could be used as an attack on He Who Shall Not Be Named, the state of college bars, the closure of bridges, Matt Burton’s....well, Matt Burton. The list goes on.

Whilst I could easily hark on about such things, in reality, I don’t really care that much. York is where I’ve had some of the best times of my life and met some of my best friends (and I mean genuine friends, not those Facebook ‘friends’ you send generically applicable wall posts to because they were the first ones you bumped into in your new kitchen, or because you sat next to them in a lecture and they lent you a pen).

Moaning is fantastic – I bloody love a good moan – but when I find myself cornered by a naively enthusiastic future YUSU candidate asking: ‘What would you change?’, I’d ask them screw the toilet roll holder that fell off on my second day back onto the wall of my toilet.We moan about York because that’s what York’s there for: to be moaned about.

The same is true of every other student at every other university.

As Langwith bar closed its doors for the last time last week, Glasgow University closed three; whilst Nouse ‘discover’ that some students, sometimes, on occasions, take drugs (who would have thought it?), Varsity at Cambridge last week reported ‘widespread cocaine across campus’.

This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t question, scrutinise and be sceptical; those are the hallmarks of a good student. But now and again it is good to look back and conclude that things aren’t really that bad.

I don't believe it: Dan Hewitt in later life.

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GOODRICKE CHAIR

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ighing as we pick up our boxes of belongings and look back over the last year, I wonder what will stick in people’s minds. People often say that today’s news is tomorrow’s fish and chips wrapping, and I suppose on the whole this is true. However, there are things that really stand out from the year 07/08 that I believe people will remember for a while.

It really has been a year of turmoil for YUSU. In my opinion their position has changed in the

"It really has been a year of turmoil for YUSU...their position has changed in the eyes of many students"

eyes of many students. The first real hurdle they had to overcome was the No-confidence motion against Grace Fletcher-Hackwood. Every student knew about it, whether they cared or not is another matter, but everyone managed to have their say.

The election of the ‘Pirate President’ was something that initially almost reduced me to tears. It seemed like people cared more about comedy than student politics. Then I realised that it was going to act as a wake up call. It really did change our outlook on how we should work.

It helped the elected officials amongst us (well some of us anyway) remember that we are all students here to help students and we’re not MP’s. So, thank you Tom Scott. I do also believe Tom will make a good president and will really step up to the mark…..or plank; only time will

"Magic P, Half a Dog and Porcelain Flamingo are all great examples of bands doing something different" tell.

The next turning point for me was Battle of the Bands. It really made me sit up and listen. Last year, I started a campaign trying to show that the result was a fix (let’s just say I wasn’t happy), and this year really was a breath of fresh air. The music scene on campus seems to have changed significantly for the better with more variety than ever. Bands such as Magic P, Half a Dog and Porcelain Flamingo are all great examples of bands doing something different to the mediocre, ear-bursting sounds that came out of BoB 2007.

The highlight of the year for many people, and especially those who

were there, was the Roses victory over Lancaster. The now-famous last minute heroics of Richard De Boltz were incredible. He became a legend overnight due to his winning point. The biggest thing that came out of it was that everyone felt like their result counted, I’m told the buzz at the prize giving was amazing. All I can say is bring it on Lancaster, next year it’s going to be an even bigger lead.

Whatever you remember from this year, I hope you also feel that as far as student life goes, it’s been a successful one. I wish you all the best of luck whether you’re graduating or moving into second or third year, and have a great time!

They agree on the Cap'n, but clash over Grace. Let battle commence between the two Joe's inVision's big end-of-year review...

JOE THWAITES

YUSU E&E OFFICER

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fter several days of sustained nagging and an irresistible offer of the loan of a bowl from my housemate and Vision comment editor, I finally agreed to write a bit about the highlights of this year.

As YUSU Environment & Ethics Officer, I feel somewhat obliged to concentrate on these aspects.

The year started with the infamous girl/boy Freshers’ Bag cockup, in which YUSU Exec decided to provide porn to the men and makeup to the women. What bothers me is that, having been at York for almost 2 years now, there is significant evidence to show bag allocation ought to have been the other way around. Following quickly on the heels of Pornobaggate, and also vying for the award for most inappropriate welcome for Freshers, was the Autumn issue of Bad Taste, containing the most poorly written and stupidly pitched article they’ve yet to pro-

duce. In slagging off Derwent, they immediately alienated perhaps the most cohesive college on campus, nice move guys.

But so far, not much proper Environment & Ethics. This would change at the beginning of the Spring term though, when the whole Ethical Merchandise issue flared up again, over Viking Raid t-shirts. Threats of EGMs and repealing of motions abounded, until the story died just as fast as it arose when they found they could source ethically after all. A big conspiracy? Surely not!

Things seem to happen in twos this year. It’s like busses - you wait ages for a sensational news story and then 2 come along at once.

Almost as soon as the ethical merchandise saga was over we had our next scandal. Indeed it was the issue of ethical merchandise which sparked the dispute in which Miss Fletcher-Hackwood punched York’s answer to Robert Kilroy-Silk. I was personally quite heartened to see the strength of pacifist sentiments coming from the student body. I look forward to seeing those 656 who voted to no-confidence her at the next anti-domestic violence protest, since the debate seemed to oddly centre around this issue.

There are no excuses, especially since Women’s Committee is now open to all.

Before we knew it, myself and John had successfully run for Environment & Ethics officers in the YUSU elections. I’m still not sure how to feel about this, since

we were elected by the same students who elected a Pirate for their President. Having said that, Cap’n Scott is a great guy who really knows his stuff, and I think he will do an excellent job next year (can I have my money now Tom?).

On a more serious note, this year really has been a good one for Environment & Ethics at York.

We now have a workable Ethical Merchandise motion, and UGM motions were passed mandating the union to lobby for an environmentally sustainable Heslington East and to pressure the Royal Bank of Scotland to cease their funding of

On Bad Taste's Freshers Issue: "the

most poorly written and stupidly pitched article they’ve yet to produce"

the uproar over the delaying of the Langwith Bar project have brought

"Once the reserve for weird cardigan and sandal wearing types, environmental concerns are now part of the mainstream" an unusual revival of direct action protests, not from the usual suspects at all – can we please harness some of this enthusiasm for our campaigns next year?

So thank you all for doing your bit; voting on UGMs, traipsing out to empty the recycling bins in the middle of winter, buying ethically, and changing to low energy lightbulbs. True, we need big change from governments to combat the problems we face, but on a university level our actions do make a difference (and if you want to write to/email your MP/ Senator/MEP/ Prime Minister/President as well, then fantastic!).

Now please leave me alone for the Summer.

oil and gas projects, and if not, to switch the Union’s accounts to an ethical bank.

Once the reserve for weird cardigan and sandal wearing types, environmental concerns are now part of the mainstream. Recycling on campus has increased to 50% of waste - well Concern for the environment has done all of you! gone beyond tree-hugging, and is The celebrations for UN World now mainstream Environment Day on Vanbrugh Paradise on 5th June were a great success. Climate change denial is now just the reserve for those on the very fringes of sanity – hell, even Vision did an environment special last issue! And

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YORK VISION

FEATURES

Tuesday June 24th, 2008

FEATURES

eing to sink b s r uita eginning frenzy, re g e w e s ent hed, th owds b induced TOCK. t e h s t g pitc he cr ohol WOODS r ragc t l n i a d e u n n b d, a r into a -lines of inate o divide e n u d e t t r deep the fron to coo effort to event. d n s a an on er sic n gth deep ON was reat len rters in nual mu up, ope o , I VIS ent to g nzo rep ggest anour feet th drink o i l w We eam of g ork’s b – put y ble hea STOCK D Y a ! x tag t onquer nd rela sustain f WOO VIEWS o c y a and t back mentall ement ION RE i t S n So s enviro he exci h our VI t n t up a re-live 008 wi 2 and

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WOODSTOCK REVIEW SPECIAL WE REVIEW BOTH STAGES!

A message from Catherine Moore and Hannah O’Shea:

his June 21st, Woodstock 2008, should definitely have been a T day of sunshine, music and atmosphere. The rain tried its best to dampen spirits, but the enthusiasm and entertainment were unaffected. With the acts

spanning a twelve hour period and ranging from music to dance and comedy, Woodstock was a fine way to see out the academic year, and a much-needed excuse to avoid revision. After ten hours and a few vodkas/wines/beers, we felt the day was definitely a success. Having survived through rain, rain, the comedy society and more rain, we felt we deserved medals. Now we joke, but the day really was quite impressive. Despite the fact sunshine seemed a necessity but didn’t appear, the atmosphere was as strong as ever, and people were decked out in their summer gear in defiance, albeit with fetching ponchos over the top.

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rk ba Yo

Sam

Minus IQ

Reve Gosplation Ro c el Ch oir k

All Star Collective

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triding out into the crowd, opting for a more intimate closeness for those watching, Samba York set up a running beat. As the crowd fills out, their bright outfits of yellow and blue, and their fast tempo percussion begins to get the audience to their feet. Boasting a wide variety of instruments working in close harmony, this group really gets a carnival spirit going. The musicians are enthusiastic, switching places and instruments regularly – though at times they seemed to lack a connection with the audience, looking at themselves within the group instead of drawing the crowd into the vibrant atmosphere. Our opinions were split on this band – Cat felt that despite the evident skills of the members, the music was quite dull to listen to – whilst I found their enthusiasm infectious. CA/HO

Jay Foreman

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it B ette

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nstead of going to Uni, these 4 boys formed a group called Minus IQ – and they seem to be on to something. Primarily indie rock, they managed to drag a fair few people from the warmth out into the cold. They performed an oddly energetic cover from Coldplay, but mainly what they played was self-written material. Slightly resembling The Automatic, Minus IQ were a burst of enthusiasm and energy into the wet afternoon. CA/HO

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espite light drizzle and a crowd (so far) consisting of one line deep, this 20-person strong group gave – what has to be called – an energetic performance. The song to do with “Love”, “Jesus”, and “Father’s love” bemused the crowd a little bit, but they’re a gospel choir after all. “Lean on Me” boosted the atmosphere, with some members of the crowd joining in (not us) and more people venturing outside as the rain stopped. For an act featured so early in the line-up, the Choir were well-received and seemed to enjoy themselves. CA/HO

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he ‘All Stars’ collective provided soulful sounds that genuinely uplifted its audience. The grey of campus and of sky was forgotten with the charisma of the performers and the skills of their extended improvisations. From the ‘ridiculous harmonics’ of Tom Mann on alto sax to the ‘Mighty Michael’ on bass, these stars shone with the passion and skill of their performance. ER

Johnny P and The Howly T

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Apply the

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nnounced earlier in the day as winners of the 2008 ‘York’s Got Talent’, Johnny P and Howly T provided a solid showcase of their skills. Their impressive vocals and rousing riffs proved effortlessly crowd pleasing, with their mix of original material and cover versions, including the classic ‘Take on Me’ and the questionably comic ‘Babycakes’. ER

ter

Brakes

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ith numerous sounds of sadness as he reiterated that this was going to be his last show in York, Jay Foreman had the audience swaying and smiling, despite pouring rain. People happily sang along to favourites ‘Procrastinator’ and ‘Moon Chavs’, and the crowd grew increasingly large towards the end of his set. One wouldn’t be blamed for thinking that Foreman almost showed some strong emotion as he wished everyone farewell, and the entire experience actually felt quite touching – despite being brilliantly funny, albeit with disturbingly depressiing lyrics. JB

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his 9 piece ska collective provided an energetic and entertaining stage presence, boasting a particularly hyper bass player.

From the soothing melody of ‘All you need is time’ to the stormy chorus of ‘Ninjas’, the group effortlessly shifted from sweet romantic lyrics to punky ska riffs. M.I.B.L did not fail to deliver, their uplifting harmonies and ‘horny horns’ cheering the rain-swept crowd. They ended on a rousing crescendo of ‘Drunken Sailor’, made stunningly complete with the input of live violinists. ER

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his three piece can get pretty good at times – when they’re doing their newfangled ‘rock’ thing, they had the crowd in their hand. This doesn’t stop them from going into bluesy songs here and there – these didn’t seem to resonate with the audience much, and slowed the energy down (you might even say that they applied the bre-...no, I can't). The pouring rain and strobe lighting added to their effect; when they were at their best they were a lot of fun, but at their worst sounded formulaic and typical. JB

Country Dawn ✰✰✰✰✰

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annah didn’t understand my excitement at this point, but a country band was bound to be amusing. Shiny shoes and cowboy hats graced the stage and within seconds Hannah is cringing, but I’m loving it. Sadly for Country Dawn, the crowd dispersed significantly and the rain started falling again – but, it must be said, the set got better, with some upbeat tracks that sounded more like pop than country. The singing wasn’t the best and the female vocalists lacked enthusiasm, but I can’t slate the band properly because they’re called Country Dawn! And two of them are wearing cowboy hats! CA/HO

YORK VISION

FEATURES

Tuesday June 24th, 2008

INDOOR STAGE

13

Confessions ie of a cabb

A message from Joseph Burnham:

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hile all the silly and muddy people were braving it out, I took the sensible (and dry) option by choosing to join the audience in the Vanburgh dining hall instead. The day was filled with fun and occasional surprises – in general, we were treated to plenty (increasingly inventive) covers, and even the odd sing-along. There were various highlights on this stage, including the concluding round of ‘York’s got talent’ which was pretty damn fantastic. Throughout the whole day I was guilted into giving money three times, overjoyed at the free love-hearts on offer, and supremely frustrated that I had to walk an entire circle round the university just to get out of the event (it turns out the organizers were fans of wire fences). Despite that, it was a fantastic event – no apparent drunken fights or otherwise disorderly deeds, and I’m almost sure that everyone made it out with their limbs in tact. Oh, and I got to buy a green bin-bag to wear!

Contributors: Joseph Burnham, Emilie Roohan, Catherine Moore and Hannah O’Shea

sonic Ambi

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ith two guitars, I expected a pretty traditional acoustic jam-up, but it turns out that the Ambisonics take special care to use those two instruments with some degree of experimentation – helping to stay fresh, even when covering wellknown titles such as ‘Rebellion’ (by The Arcade Fire) and ‘Paranoid Android’ (by Radiohead). Depending on the song, the lead-singer’s guitar often takes the form of a drum against his partner’s quick-plucking, building up to an occasional frenzy which is pretty good fun to witness – the singing’s up to scratch, although it mainly takes the form of raspy harmonies. Overall an interesting cover-band, it just would’ve nice to hear some more original material so that they could be more than that. JB

Nihad Gom ez Cehic

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ihad’s voice is certainly his strongest asset – he covers ‘Somewhere over the rainbow / beautiful world’ in good tune (and with authentic ukulele), before going into an interesting, if standard, cover of ‘Eye of the Tiger’ on a clangy acoustic. I get the sense that the music would sound better entirely unplugged from the venue’s PA system, as the buzz from the guitar often interferes with his singing. He plays some original songs, also, which sound like a soulful acoustic Oasis (albeit without the extended syllables). Overall, he’s an impressive musician – doesn’t shy away from vocal stretches, and is producing promising (if not stridently original) material. JB

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hen Oli started playing, everyone immediately seemed to sit down. This isn’t a bad thing, of course, since his music was aimed to create a more ‘chilled out’ vibe. He primarily sung covers, but didn’t shy away from the more guttural high-notes (so props for that). His best feature was his attitude – he was visibly relaxed, smiley while playing, and calm in front of the gradually escalating audience. Looking up from writing, I see that he’s evidently filled up the room (although the rain outside may have helped) – he’s catchy, friendly, and a perfectly decent cover performer (plus he put me in a good mood). JB

DAN

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here seemed to be plenty of technical know-how among the individual members of this cover band – especially the lead guitarist and singer. Unfortunately, the band never quite warmed up to what they’re probably capable of, especially the lead singer who never took advantage of her powerful voice. As is, this is a cover band with potential. JB

The Shambles

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:30pm brings torrential downpour, so we take shelter in V/045 where The Shambles comedy improve is in full-flow.

Despite their enthusiasm, the “comics” are cringeworthy, although the crowd seem to like it.

Some superhero game ensues with a guy called “Captain Constipation”, making jokes about “Global cooling”. Again, Hannah and I are slightly torn – I’m nonplused while she giggles once or twice.

“Captain wonder woman boy man” makes everyone in the room laugh bar me, so maybe I’m just cynical.

Their “time warp” scene pushes me to the limit and I decide to brave the rain again. Cut forward two and a half hours, and we’re back in V/045 for the Shambles comedy to give them another chance. But I sink deeper and deeper into despair as I realize that someone must have told these poor people that their show was funny and they believed it. Having spent some time watching ‘York’s Got Talent’ on the indoor stage, where “Dave” and a Boyzone spoof band (Irresistaboyzz) worked the crowd and were genuinely entertaining, this dampens my Woodstock spirit. It’s a shame that I’m the one reviewing it because, to their credit, 90% of the room seemed amused. CA

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nitially I wasn’t too impressed with DanceSoc, but fortunately they improved with every routine. The audience was treated to several different dances – notably starting with a not-terribly-impressive tap. However, once they all seemed warmed up and relaxed, the dancers began showing some real flare – particularly Nihad Gomez Cehic, the only male in the group, who made a surprise re-appearance to take part. Overall inconsistent, but enjoyably entertaining. JB

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ne isn’t sure what to expect when you hear a band warm up that has trumpets, tribal drums and strips of metal played with a violin string.

When they started up, they had the feel of uplifting, non-offensive world music that had elements of reggae and slight traces of rap; imagine The Police mixed with Faithless, plus a little indie experimentation. For what they do, they’re pretty solid – with some work I could easily imagine them performing at festivals like WOMAD pretty soon. Their songs can sound slightly samey, but then that may be because I’m not overly familiar with the genre. JB

The eponymous ‘Dave’ performing at ‘York’s Got Talent’. He played ‘Twinkle twinkle little star’ on an electric guitar (with his teeth), before eating a banana on stage and musing about why he won the qualifying competition.

Those nice men and women that drive you home after one too many sambuccas have had enough. Each week VISION brings you another of their student exposing confessions.

When Vision asked me if I had any embarrassing student stories, I immediately thought of one that still sticks in my mind.

A few years ago two male students (really scruffy, by the way) clambered in to the back of my cab outside the railway station one early evening.

They had a couple of rucksacks, quite bog standard really, but my attention was caught by a florally Mary Poppins-type bag. They were joking and laughing and seemed to be in a good mood, despite this odd flowery monstrosity.

They asked to go to somewhere near Oakland Farm (which is sort of north-west of York), and we set off.

Five or so minutes in to the journey, and after plenty of laughter from my two weird passengers, I heard a muffled noise from the bag. The funny bag.

I turned my radio down (BBC Radio York, since you ask) in order to get a better listen, but before I could ask them what it was, a loud squawk erupted from behind me and a chicken emerged from the bag. It was alive!

I almost died in shock. Before I could react and pull over, it flew in my face and I had a mouth full of feathers.

I slammed my breaks on, but the lads clearly saw the whole thing as one big joke, shouting something like, “Don’t hurt Monty, he’s got delicate wings!” Luckily we weren’t on a busy road, but because we were now heading in to a rural area outside York, and before I could get the chicken out of my face, I hit something in the road.

There was a low thud as my cab finally came to a stop. I clawed at the mangy Monty as the bird hopped in to the passenger seat, and I screamed at the boys to get out. Moving round to the back of my cab I saw a mauled bird in the road. Great, there were now feathers around the outside of my car, as well inside. I wasn’t having much luck with birds (I am married, by the way).

I demanded that the lads explained themselves, and they told me that Monty was a joke and was supposed to be delivered to a nearby farm. He was supposedly a special gift from a Great Aunty Jane that had given it to them in South Yorkshire, and they had had to travel with it on the train 30 miles, Borat-style.

But as soon as I had got these crazy details from them, they then scolded me for “murdering” the bird in the road! However, none of us had noticed that Monty had other ideas, hopping out of my cab and missing a passing Ford Focus by a matter if inches. Undeterred, he then waddled at quite a pace towards a nearby open field.

When the two boys saw the Ford Focus swerve, they looked up and noticed Monty’s Great Escape, and decided to sprint off after the blasted animal. I’d had enough, so dumped their other rucksacks by the side of the road and left the scene of the “crime”. Heading back towards town in my feathery cab, all I could hear was clucking in my ears, and to this day I have never been able to tuck in to a chicken dinner without thinking of dear Monty…

As told to Mike Sims

14 FEATURES

YORK VISION

POWER LIST

2008 1. Brian Cantor

E

very year, the universities' most important, most respected and most universally hated all frantically scramble to our centre pages to discover whether or not they've made the cut. Behold our comprehensive run-down of who really does matter on campus; if you think we've forgotten you, sling an email at vision@yusu.org, and we'll have a good old chuckle at your expense. Enjoy!

2. Jon Greenwood Director of Commerical Services

Vice-Chancellor

Stands at the top of the university's commercial tree, directing its money-making ventures. With the cost of Heslington East still looming large, and college bars set to enter another difficult year, the problem of keeping everything afloat falls at his door.

Whether he's lurking in the shadows of Heslington Hall, or entertaining guests on his luxurious international schmooze-cruises at our expense, Cantor's word is the law. The buck rests with Brian, and with his inbox filling up quicker than a Tibetan prison all eyes are on the VC as we wonder how he'll cope next year. His silence on the Langwith bar brouhaha is an ominous sign of things to come, but surely 2008/9 will see more public presentations from Cantor? The fact that his main student liaison will be the same student that ran for president on a cutlasses-for-all ticket should see sparks flying sooner rather than later.

Catering and Bars Manager

Director of Facilities Management

Responsible for ensuring bars meet their targets, which didn't exactly go too well this year as Halifax and Langwith kissed their bars goodbye. Will have to sing for his supper next year, as he competes against Langwith's relaunched, YUSU-run boozer.

Has been laying low this academic year, in comparison to his position at the forefront of campus controversy during the 2006/7 pulling of porters. However, he remains heavily involved with Heslington East's development, and retains a steely hold over many other top bods.

5. Jolene Jessiman

Union Manager Next year will be explosive, with tensions between YUSU and the university sure to boil over. As the link between the two groups, Jessiman will have to always be ready to receive a horrendous phone call or nightmareish email.

has-beens

wannabes

Rising stars

Rich Croker

Laura Payne

Chet Khatu

Lucy Taylor

Won Student Reporter of the Year at the Guardian Student Media Awards in 2007 for her work on Vision.

After leaving, she's won squat!

Pummeled by the pirate in the presidential race, she has plenty of time to run for more spots and challenge Croker's record.

Alexios Mantzarlis

Taking over from the inimitable Henry Smith is a daunting challenge. Can the Club of PEP's new chief escape the shadow of his universally adored predecessor?

Secured Sky for James college, only to get the boot. What's going to be his next trick? Win York a student venue in the city, and get kicked off his degree course?

Claire Hazelgrove

At this rate, Clem Attlee would have trouble winning a seat on a Labour ticket, but a TV documentary deal will keep Ms Hazelgrove in the spotlight for the near future.

FEATURES

Tuesday June 24, 2008

6. Mad Cap'n Tom Scott 7. Anne-Marie Canning YUSU President 08/09 YUSU President 07/08 Gained an unusually strong bargaining position with his emergence from nowhere to claim YUSU's top job, and he's already been heavily involved in recent union reforms. Despite the fact that he's a pirate.

A stately, dignified presence throughout Gracegate despite her fierce personal opinion, Canning won many plaudits for her marshalling of the year's UGMs. Her apparent success in securing the long-awaited campus pharmacy is a testament to her negotiating skills.

8. Graham Gilbert 9. Matt Burton Director of Finance

Must ensure that the purse strings aren't tied in knots.

With a massive expansion planned, and the university's commercial side looking somewhat shaky, a lot is riding on Gilbert's gumption.

10. Jo Carter

Services & Finance

AU President

Soon we'll have a YUSU bar, and the Roger Kirk will indeed host student events.

What next? Will Burton really get us that arena in town?

He'll have another year to try.

Oversaw not only a stunning historic away victory in the Roses tournament, but also significant restructuring of funding of sport at the university.

24. Erik O'Connor Alcuin Chair

35. Joe Clarke

Press Officer

12. Zach Pepper

25. Dom O'Shea

36. Joe Marshall

26. Noel Wilson

37. Zhaolin Li

27. Lizzie Hollins

38. Lacrosse Club

11. Dave Garner Langwith Chair May have to keep freshers sweet without a bar.

3. Philip Kember 4. Keith Lilley

After doing sabbatical position after sabbatical positon (repeat until a fatal form of boredom occurs), Croker is finally leaving York. Got a job yet, Rich?

YORK VISION

Tuesday June 24, 2008

Football 1sts Captain

13. Ken Batten

Costcutter Manager

14. Jack Kennedy

AU Referee Co-ordinator 08/09 Has a big challenge ahead in regaining college players' trust.

Head of Security

AU Vice-President

15. Matt Oliver Vanbrugh Chair Heads the college that gobbles up campus buildings at will.

16. Joey Ellis

Development and Charities

17. Dan Taylor

Conservative Eloquent advocate of the campus right. Or wrong.

18. Alex Lacy AU President 08/09

19. Rosie Li OSA President

20. Claire Hazelgrove

Labour Parliamentary Candidate

21. Sam Bayley

Societies and Communications

22. David Sharp Halifax Chair

23. Alexios Mantzarlis Club of PEP President That's PEP, mind. Not PPE. Don't get them confused. Ever.

28. Cath Henderson

Catering Manager Responsible for maintaining the stellar quality of Edge food.

29. Oliver Lester

Derwent Chair

Goodricke Chair

Head of Christian Union

CSSA President

Sports Team The most brutally competetive society on campus. Beware.

39. Helen Adams RAG President

40. Rich Croker AU Treasurer

41. Stephen Thomas Luminar Chief Executive Controls the group which controls both Tru and The Gallery

30. James Townsend 42. Amy Browne Founder of NGS Gave birth to the new king of campus guest speakers.

Fusion Chair

43. Stuart Young

31. Ruth Mosalski

ComedySoc Producer Part of the funny phenom 'Have I Got News For York'

32. Matthew Pallas

44. Nadia Aziz & John Appea

Student Action Chair

LGBT

33. Tom Langrish Policy and Campaigns and Senate Chair Never far away from a YUSU meeting or member.

34. Michael Batula

Policy and Campaigns

Racial Equality

45. URY

Campus radio station

47. Kit Dixon Finance Committee

48. Amy Cumming NGS President

49. YSTV

Campus television station

50. Greg Dyke

Hands Out Degrees

15

sab ratings YUSU PRESIDENT

8/10 ANNE- MARIE CANNING is ROGER BLACK Not a headline-grabbing President, but had enough charisma and talent to win not just hearts and minds, but a few significant achievements. A pharmacy should be with us next term.

ACADEMIC & WELFARE

2/10 GRACE FLETCHER- HACKWOOD was DWAYNE CHAMBERS A promising career ended in shame. +8 points for carrying people's piss for STI tests is undone with -6 for being the first sabbatical officer to actually punch a student while in office.

SOCIETIES & COMMUNICATIONS

7/10 SAM BAYLEY is RHONA MARTIN A steady, if not spectacular, career illuminated by one moment of brilliance. In Bayley's case, this was increasing Vision's YUSU grant to cope with swelling printing costs.

SERVICES & FINANCE

7/10 MATT BURTON is STEVE BACKLEY Enjoys a stellar reputation, but hasn't got the medals to prove it.

Secured re-election long before the YUSU bar was confirmed...but along with the Roger Kirk events, it may secure Burton's legacy.

DEVELOPMENT & CHARITIES

7/10 JOEY ELLIS is MATTHEW PINSENT Incredibly able and undeniably successful, but, had a massive shadow from which to emerge. Her legacy will live on with the revived RAG Cup.

AU PRESIDENT

9/10 JO CARTER is DENISE LEWIS Never the flashiest performer, but winning Roses on away soil was an undeniably amazing achievement to land her a place in York's sporting history books.

SCENE June 08 Issue 17

: S T O M E L THE GUIL G N I R E H T O B D O O W HOLLY n o i s i v o t k l a t S C I R T N E C C E PLUS: Alex Cox / Noah and the Whale / Matthew Barley and a whole lot more!

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

Guillemots

TV

BOOKS

LISTINGS

Alex Cox TV

Film Reviews

SCENE

CULTURE

Noah and the Whale

Summer Reading June 08 Issue 17

Scene Editor: Michael Regan Music Editors: Hollie Price, Joseph McDermott Film Editor: Andrew Nicholls Film Deputy Editor: Alison Kjeldgaard TV Editor: Scott Bryan Culture Editor: Anna Wormleighton Culture Deputy Editor: Zoe Stones Books Editor: Samantha Cowley Books Deputy Editor: Jennifer Keogh Listings Editor: Sophie Sabin

Does anybody actually read this sadly reduntant part of Vision? I could say something overwhelmingly life affirming and nobody would actually read it. But alas, I am not going to: unlike this jam packed issue of Scene, I have nothing to say.

Scene, rather, is the journalistic equivalent of Vannessa Feltz. It just goes on and on and on. Except, unlike the chubby funster, what comes out of our collective mouths is not an endless stream of faeces (I know that was horrendously unsubtle, and actually not very funny, but its getting late). In fact, Scene once again emerges victorious from its battle with cultural pretension, and gives you, the delighted reader, every piece of artistic wonder and disaster. Read ahead to find out what will be titallating your senses with this summer.

Enjoy!

-Mike Regan.

INTERVIEW

MUSIC

FILM

TV

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

Hollie Price interviews:

GUILLEMOTS

T

he point of Skittles is to eat the bad ones first and work your way up to those tasty reds. Everyone knows the reds are best; even purples get pipped to the post. But does Guillemots’ follow-up, ‘Red’, to their dazzlingly dysfunctional debut, ‘Through The Windowpane’, really live up to the standards of redness that everyone has come to expect?

Having learnt their lesson from Skittles, and maybe even tasting the rainbow of musical influences from folk to jazz to pop, Guillemots now must live up to their ‘Windowpane’ success, and to the tasty goodness (and obvious nutritional value) of the red Skittle.

Greig Stewart, the band’s drummer, is going for a lovely deep shade of pink today, though. He’s sticking to a plastic cup filled to the brim with thick strawberry smoothie, getting his daily recommended amount of fruit for the day while lounging on a brown leather sofa in the entrance to Leeds Met. Uni. Fyfe Dangerfield, Guillemots' lead singer, is out for the count with a sore throat and can only nod at us and smile meekly. He’s nice like that. Guillemots have had a rough week of partying every night, so Greig might be steering clear of looking directly at primary colours, and also probably eating sweets in general. He says the green ones are the best, anyway. Well there goes my whole theory behind ‘Red’… and my whole article theme. Thanks Greig.

No-one likes greens.

He seems unsure why Guillemots chose that particularly revealing album title: “'Red' symbolises danger, romance, hot, happy. Red means happy. Does red mean happy?..I don’t know. Anyway…” Moving on then. Red Skittles are comforting. You always know they’ll be there at the end of the bag even when all the grinning greenies and those damn ugly oranges are gone. And for better or worse, Guillemots’ new album is staying, it’ll always be there at the end of the musical bag of confectionery goodness. Now then, I think I’ve proved that point.

‘Red’ can only be defined as a ‘poppety pop’ pop record.

Maybe it’s more like Poppets than Skittles then. Oh no.

Where ‘Through the Windowpane’ broke indie boundaries, it’s like Fyfe’s recoiling back into the sugary sweetness of pop. Greig: “We’ve always called ourselves a pop band from day one and we set out for ‘Red’ to be a pop record. You can do eight minute space oddity tunes and darker stuff and it’s a lot easier. Putting pop music into 3 and a half min-

utes is really difficult..The Beach Boys especially, they were amazing at that, it’s really hard to do, it’s harder to do than dark and mystic” Step aside Muse, it’s time for some surfing USA. Guillemots style. “But the record’s definitely really polarised opinions now.

It is really different and some people just aren’t used to it, especially the older ones. With ‘Last Kiss’ and poppy numbers in Glasgow, these guys were just standing there just..y'know, standing and lookin horrified but all the young people round ‘em were dancing like crazy”. As long as the kids are dancing, then the band are getting along just fine.

Guillemots aren’t one of those bands you can imagine out on the indie scene with the NME nuggets of nasty teen angst and gloomy glowsticks though; they’re above all that.

“We don’t have tight jeans or hairspray..then we’d properly belong on the frontcover of NME..or summat, we’re not just four groomed guys on guitars”. No, no... they’re not that.

There’s Greig, a chunky and loveable (only a bit grumpy) Scotsman, jazzy Aristazabal Hawkes on her delightfully

"WE’VE ALWAYS CALLED OURSELVES A POP BAND FROM DAY ONE."

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

"DON’T GIVE ME A HUG" [TO SIR IAN MCKELLEN] dreary (in a good way) double bass, Fyfe, the band’s former Birmingham music teacher turned musical visionary and finally MC Lord Margrao (don’t ask me, but it's definitely maybe his real name) on guitar. “Fyfe met MC though NME actually...”

Oh dear. I think Greig has an ever so slightly disdainful view of NME really. Oh well.

But Guillemots are above what all the kids are doing. They’re not confined to the plaid daydreams and teeny tight leg seams of all those ones out there walking the streets today. They’re living the high life, with the glitter and satin and Hollywood glamour to go with it, far above the indie grime of all these new flowery, buttoned-to-the-top, hair-scraped-to-the-side bands. Although the dirty, sexy indie kids of Hollywood love them just a little bit apparently. “We met someone else in L.A.... oh no, what was his name? [Yes, they know a lot of people in L.A., it is tricky being a famous “rubbish-indie” group these days]...oh yeah, it was that Donnie Darko guy, Jake Gyllenhall, and Kirsten Dunst. [oh yeah, those two famous people] Apparently they used to go out together but they broke up or something happened, something like that, but they used to listen to our album together, one of the relationship albums they had. And they came up and danced to ‘Trains’ when they came and saw us. Jake came backstage and he was more shy than we were, he was really quiet, especially to Fyfe, just kinda mumbled “I like your band” and looked at the floor”.

Even the Hollywood indie crowd are bowing down to Dangerfield.

While we’re just sitting and chatting about all the movie stars we are close personal acquaintances with, a familiar face comes onto the screen in the Leeds Met bar. Aaah it’s Sir Ian McKellen, of Gandalf the Grey fame, in Guillemots’ new video, ‘Falling out of Reach’. Who’d have thought. They’re definitely in with that Hollywood lot y’know. “His nephew really likes us, he came to one of our shows a few years back and he was right at the front balcony bit. Sir Ian came back stage afterwards and just shouted: 'you’re the drummer!'and hugged me. Greig seems to think Ian McKellen has a little bit of a thing for him..“I was like..‘don’t give me a hug, I’m all sweaty cos I’d just been drumming’” Oh dear oh dear Greig, you sweatily hugged a Hollywood legend? Ummm. Good times..

So anyway, “he said, ‘we should do a video or something but I’m not free til 2008’. He did the video for free, we offered to pay him but he wouldn’t take it. He had a really small dressing room in this house. And it was a really cold and wet day in London and he had to lay down on the ground and wait for people to pick him up”.

Guillemots have the music but do they have homegrown hospitality? Yeah 'course, what did Sir Ian McKellen expect from making a video for them? Not lying in a puddle? Honestly. It was never gonna be your average Gene Kelly showery symphony, but he was “just humble and nice about it all”. Guillemots are bringing the glamorous glitterati down to earth. Literally.

"WE THOUGHT ABOUT A DUET WITH KELLY ROWLAND BUT FYFE’S NOT COOL ENOUGH.”

Photo by Jan Weber

In terms of musical influences, the band are boldly going where no pop/indie/whatever they are really outfit have gone before…to the wonderful world of RnB. Guillemots new ventures are akin to the Beatles’ Magical Mystery Tour. Probably a bit less LSD, more strawberry smoothies though. “We had a couple of tracks to make up the album but they were just too 'RnBish' and we couldn’t pull it off, you have to be black. We tried it and they were good songs, we just about get away with ‘Big Dog’”... yeah maybe Greig, maybe.

Fyfe is like the Daddy of the band. ‘Cept instead of bringing dinner home for the table, he’s bringing home “fat beats” to Guillemots’ hearth and home.

Influences range from Beyoncé to Timbaland. And not that, Greig wants to tell another ‘I met a famous person story’, he’s just not like that... they all bumped into Kelly Rowland a few weeks ago in a studio. “We gave this song to her, it had a really fat beat and a good tune. We thought about a duet but Fyfe’s not cool enough. Hopefully she likes it though”. And so that was the story of how Guillemots fused pop and RnB into a marvellous mix of musical delectation. “We were chatting away and stuff, she said she’d listen to it..but she probably just chucked it in the bin when we left. I mean I hope she uses it cos it’s quite fat”. Yes. Whether ‘Red’ blights your memories of the band’s once glorious days of unadulterated wonderment, the chaotic and yet sublime cacophony of love and music in their first album, with... ok, let’s just face it everyone, two-dimensional pop and a song about a ‘Big Dog’ chucked in for good measure. Or to change your views on pop and indie and RnB and all those blasted boundaries. Whichever, they have a respect that surpasses little things like stupid song names, they’re allowed to do pretty much what they want these days. Except choosing their own singles it seems. “Fyfe hated ‘Lovesong No.43’ and he gets it for ‘Falling Out of Reach’ as well: he hates that song. It’s just the management choosing these singles”. Maybe they forced Guillemots to put ‘Big Dog’ on the album then… thank goodness. Greig interrupts my mini revelation and its ensuing minute of joy: “Big Dog’s one of my favourite songs to play”. Aaah, maybe not then. Oh well, you can’t have everything I spose.

And Guillemots are one of those all or nothing bands, if you love them enough you’ll just about stick by them. They’re the red skittles of the pack. “They’ll be there for you”, just like friends, except not. Like good music about nice things, things like big dogs and old men and falling in love. Guillemots are a rainbow-coloured crayola scribble of haphazard noise and yet ingenious musical structure and influences, and although ‘Red’ may disappoint ‘Windowpane’ fanatics, it’s still a tasty one you’d save till last in this musical boundary-stricken day and age.

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

hot club de paris york fibbers 29-05-08

H

ot Club de Paris are so much more than your average punk band; by infusing their sound with everything from jazz to humour, cabaret to reggae they push punk beyond its conventional three chord safety zone and into unfamiliar territory. They are famed for short, intimate and informal sets, the kind of gigs that Fibbers was made for and Hot Club de Paris thrive amongst the small but cosy throng of punters they have attracted to York’s premier venue. In an industry where the most popular bands have little or no time for fans it is refreshing to find an established group who pride themselves on doing more than simply turning up, playing a set and getting out as fast as possible. “It’s important to keep [live sets] interesting for the punter” explains lead vocalist Paul Rafferty, a mantra the band takes very seriously, “no matter how good the songs are if it isn’t any different to the record no one will remember it.”

The band began the proceedings with ‘Everythingeverythingeverything’ a bouncy opener which kicks off a hugely energetic set. Their label of ‘trampoline rhythms and dizzying time-signatures’ remains intact through their hour of quick rococo-pop, sharp riffs and riotous lyrics. The band capture the mood perfectly in an elaborate description of their playful eclecticism: “we sound like U2 in a fight with the Chuckle brothers while falling down the stairs… in The Bee Gees'

mansion!”

Humour plays a big part of the live shows, casual and witty banter interspersed bet sg Tackling anything from fights in Hull to out of control wine-gum parties, even touching controversially on recent Austrian horror stories (albeit eliciting shocked gasps and nervous laughter); the band’s free and easy audience interaction underpins their strategy of providing memorable gigs and gaining loyal fans.

The emphasis on humour is however second to the songs.

Playing as many audiencfavourites as possible, notably the scouse tangle of ‘Shipwreck’ and ode to abstinence ‘Sometimesitbetternottostickbitsofeachotherineachotherforeachother’, each track extracting cheers and sing-alongs from the keen audience. New single ‘Hey! Housebrick’ goes down well and shows that the band hasn’t tamed the tricky arrangements which characterised their early sound, “If anything the sound of the new album is bigger, more sonic. There is no one like us around today.” With the new material from the forthcoming ‘Live at Dead Lake’ album sitting perfectly alongside classics from the 2006’s ‘Drop It till It Pops’ Hot Club de Paris are fast developing an unconventional, inimitable and unmistakable sound.

ADEM bristol thekla 15-06-08

goose kissy sell out york fibbers 18-06-08

T

he atmosphere in Fibbers is as high as it has ever been, not a huge surprise considering two of the biggest names in underground electro have been buzzing around York for weeks.

Having been surrounded by an overwhelming amount of hype expectations were understandably soaring. Support band Grinny Grandad certainly fell prey to the crowd’s raised standards, though with songs that went nowhere and a set that failed to ignite the indifferent reaction was actually the best they could have hoped for.

Kissy Sell Out, perhaps the better known of the two from his Radio 1 show, refused to meet his fans' expectations. The remixes for which he is famed were entirely absent from his set and instead we were treated to forty-five minutes of live electro, occasionally crossing the border into to the realms of pop (though always with profuse apologies).

Rocking the keytar (a fusion of guitar and keyboard) the band led the crowd through a collection of quirky indie-dance anthems including his bouncy new single ‘Her’. It wasn’t what the punters expected and in the dark and dingy setting of Fibbers it injected a sense of energy and verve into the fans which a dj set could not have done.

The arrival of Goose was more conventional, three synthesizers all lined up above a mass of wiring and pedals. The crowd pulsated along to the beat of opener ‘Black Gloves’, crushing closer and closer up to the barrier. Though they suffered a slight lull in the middle of the set the band finished on an apex of noisy electro with floor-filler ‘Everybody’. Given the success of the night, this could be the start of something big in the York music scene.

JOSEPH McDERMOTT

A

fter ill-fitting but well-received support from Hot Club de Paris and not-so-hot Johnny Foreigner, this day of music on board boatturned-venue the Thekla ended with a unique and

JOSEPH McDERMOTT

quite brilliant acoustic performance.

Armed only with guitar and glockenspiel, Adem arrived on stage in high spirits, to wind down from his full tour with a largely improvised setlist borrowing equally from new covers album ‘Takes’ and his two-album back catalogue. Promising experimentation, Adem utilized all the acoustic variety available to him; Björk’s ‘Unravel’ was accompanied by a glockenspiel played with 'cello bows, Low’s ‘Laser Beam’ set against an ambient loop of bowed and e-bowed guitar. Certainly, what was lacking in preparation was more than made up for by inventiveness.

With midnight drawing near, Adem unexpectedly climbed from the stage, prompting the crowd to sit in a circle around him. Taking requests, inspired Aphex Twin cover ‘To Cure a Weakling Child’ was surrounded by songs from debut ‘Homesongs’.

Finishing with ‘These Are Your Friends’, the fans at his feet spontaneously joined in the final refrain.

Adem’s connection with the audience had been intimate throughout, and this union brought the night to a perfect end. Words can scarcely do this one justice.

PETE BURGESS

tokyo police club leeds cockpit

O

31-05-08

h, give us your vote, if you know what’s good for you”. Ok, Tokyo Police Club, we might well do, that’s if the pungent smells of poppers emanating from the smoothly coiffed indie boys behind us don’t distract from the impeccable order of your chaotic and thoughtful songs. And the indigo streams of light seems to confuse ‘The Poppers’ behind us all the more. They’re a bit engrossed in their little smooth, shiny brown bottle of wonderment to care about any band. Oh dear. One wonders why they would purchase such a dodgy drug for such a dizzy dancing gig but aah well, while they’re floating a little bit, we’ll kick our little legs straight out and nod our heads in a slightly more conscious and more Molly Ringwald, ‘Breakfast Club’ fashion to clanging classics like ‘In a cave’ and ‘Your English is good’.

And it is all like being in ‘The Breakfast Club’, but a downright dirty version, in darkest Leeds. We have come to expect it from the high-school guitar-boy scruffy lad genre that the Canadian band provides. They have it right with “all their schoolyard fans”. Tokyo Police Club still manage to retain their dignity as a good band and not just another of those head-banging, heartless young ‘uns. They still have that retro edge and new songs are nice for a hop, jump and rave about, as long as you’re mindful of the poppers and the spots and the sweat. But that’s alright really. Tokyo Police pull a lot of good ‘uns out of the bag when it comes down to it. Songs like ‘La Ferrassie’ and ‘Cut Cut Paste’ show they still have a beautiful angst and melancholy. And the little boys at the front will never quite understand.

SOPHIE HILL AND HOLLIE PRICE

INTERVIEW

MUSIC

FILM

TV

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

Black Kids - york fibbers 08-06-08

LIVE

they sold-out Fibbers, as well as considerably bigger venues all over the place.

Starting off like a romantic classy disco, white lights coming from the blackness of Fibbers, light happy music with a darker side from the Black Kids. The opening tunes all get a bit too dramatic and soulful for a roomful of people ready to teach your boyfriend how to dance with you. Their newly released single ‘Hurricane Jane’, have lyrics reminiscent of your average Friday night Fibbers - “it’s Friday night and I ain’t got nobody, so what’s the use in pulling a shape”. Ok it’s just a lonely emo-man’s perspective but it’s good to have a sad old sway to, followed by a quicker jiggle in the chorus.

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t was the best of gigs, it was the worst of gigs”.

There were good bits and bad bits, singer Reggie Youngblood was a bit all over the place with his tuneless singing at the beginning but his sister’s neoncoloured energy pulled the band through. Black Kids were meant to be living up to ‘Great Expectations’;

Teen-angst with a touch of just a simple and charismatic dance act all built up to the fluorescent climax ‘I’m not gonna teach your boyfriend how to dance with you’. The tension accelerated and Ali Youngblood finally prods him – “give ‘em what they’re here for Reggie”. The overplayed radio one opening guitar riff and drums held out for the dramatic crash of the vocals and the happy lyrics tinged with the regret of Reggie’s voice.

And then “You are the girl that I’ve been dreaming of ever since I was a little girl.” Confusing but relevant to our times… I think so. Everyone jumped away, a sea

JOHNNY FOREIGNER

The trio have their roots in pounding salvos of intentionally shambolic pop. Handclaps, casio-tones and vocal melodies abound, all propped up by hacked-at riffs. Songs like ‘Lea Room’, ‘Our Bipolar Friends’ and forthcoming single ‘Eyes Wide Terrified’ show the band at their best: sonorous, catchy, slick yet hearty.

This is not to say that JoFo are incapable of diversification. The lithe, casio-driven ‘Salt, Pepa and Spinderella’ is an iridescent gem. Meanwhile, ‘DJs Get Doubts’ is refreshingly sensitive, even if something of a second-rate reproduction of the earlier ‘All Moseley Gardens’ (albeit sans plonky xylotones).

Like most debuts, ‘Waited...’ brings together a chronologically disparate array of material from the band’s short career. Attempts to weave older tracks seamlessly into the tapestry are not always successful: ‘Cranes...’ benefits from extra pep, but no amount of polished production can prevent ‘Sometimes, in the Bullring’ from seeming sluggish.

The only dead weight is the five-minute instrumental ‘Absolute Balance’. All in all, this is a stellar first offering, and its faults are correctable. This is a young group not yet at the height of its powers and capable of more consistent and coherent work. Brummies, hold your heads up high: The Twang are but a hazy confabulation.

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JED FAZAKARLEY

Good bits, bad bits, “...in fact, it was just like all other gigs”; well, with a fulfilling sense of happy, feel good gyration and gender confusion. Alright Dickens, that quotation’s changed a bit but the meaning’s there.

SOPHIE HILL AND HOLLIE PRICE

stay positive

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Some songs were too serious for the buoyant expectant atmosphere of the gig, like ‘Hit the Heartbrakes’ and ‘I’ve Underestimated My Charm Again”. Everyone from the 15 year-olds to the thirties don’t know what to do, they just look a bit awkward. They were good wholesome ‘listen to with your boyfriend’ songs, but if you were there on the basis of ‘Boyfriend’ then maybe disappointing. “bop bop bop bop bop beep beep beep beep booo” - sounds like a hip Fifties, milkshake bar tune emanating from the flashing jukebox, Ali and Dawn ooo along in the style of The Pipettes. Ending with the support band Collapsing Cities getting up on stage it’s all a bit like your Indie prom night.

the hold steady

waited up till it was light ince Joseph Chamberlain outlawed music in 1876, times have been hard in our nation’s second city. Forced to watch London and Manchester battle for sonic supremacy, Brum has remained firmly in the shadows. But the times, as that curly-bonced dolt with the funny voice once noted, are beginning to undergo some alteration. And much of the gratitude for this transformation is owed to Digbeth threepiece Johnny Foreigner.

of hands, nobody listens to lyrics these days. And anyway, the more gender confusion the better. The name Black Kids is enough to confuse your average middleaged authority figure but us young kids don’t need to explain colour or gender. No no, we just smile and dance the night away at Fibbers.

OUT JULY 14TH

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rooklyn’s finest return with their fourth album, and follow up to 2006’s much lauded 'Boys and Girls in America', and with this offering their move into the public consciousness seems likely to continue. In spite of edging towards mainstream popularity, there can be no illusion that the quality of the music has been compromised. Throughout the album, 36-year-old Craig Finn reprises his role as the witty bar-room raconteur, surrounded by a band with boundless energy, leaping from one infectious riff to the next.

Lead single 'Sequestered in Memphis' is a standout track, providing the first of many sing-along choruses, collective experiences bound to add to The Hold Steady’s reputation as one of the most exciting live bands around. Immediately following is 'One for the Cutters', whose dark tale of a girl helping an attacker is backed by a repeating harpsichord motif and a mandolin accompaniment, indicative of a shift from the more conventional instrumentation of previous albums. Finn’s lyrical and vocal style here will earn apt comparisons to Bruce Springsteen, whose American narratives have often been cited as a strong influence on The Hold Steady’s work. Other highlights include 'Joke About Jamaica''s reminiscence about past parties set against a sinister organ line, and the title track 'Stay Positive', which is bound to get festival crowds going this season. With the end of term fast approaching, 'Stay Positive' comes highly recommended, indeed, no album will provide a more fitting foundation for your own 'Constructive Summer'.

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PETE BURGESS

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RADIOHEAD

LISTINGS

Joseph McDermott

the best of- OUT NOW Laura Marling

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an this really be true? Have Radiohead sold out? The band that first revolutionised alternative music and then the music industry itself , releasing a best of album? The much maligned ‘ Greatest hits’ album package once reserved as the curtain call on a great bands career are now as common as the folk at a Kaiser Chiefs gig and the last two years have seen Oasis, Morrissey and The Libertines rip off their loyal fans by releasing compilation albums, however this excess trimming piece of musical wonder arrives without any administrative or promotional imput from the Oxford outfit themsleves, with its release coming from former label Parlophone's desire to eek out every last bit of profit from their former client's sizeable cashcow. Yet the release of a Radiohead 'Best Of'' still has me raising my eyebrows giving my best ‘ The Rock’ impression. However after the initial seismic shock subsides and if you like the red cross have begun to survey the disaster area, a realisation occurs; What’s the point in moaning? Why not bask in the glory of Radiohead, lounging on a luscious sonically pleasing sunbed and just take this package as it comes.

'Cross Your Fingers' OUT NOW

Laura Marling is at the forefront of the strange folk revival which has, of late, appeared on the peripherals of mainstream music (think Iron & Wine or Devendra Banhart).

The simple vocal melodies of ‘Cross Your Fingers’ mingle beautifully with the rich texture of her backing band. Her lyrics are clever, poignant and poetic as well as catchy and fresh; all songs should be as memorable as this pop-folk classic.

The album kicks off with the epoch defining ‘ Just’, the strummed acoustic intro giving away to the eardrum crushing crunch of their trademark Does It Oftriple pronged six string attack. As time goes by and classic after classic whizzes by like a fleeing Brazilian jumping a barrier, it is time to forget fend You, you're listening to an album purely designed to steal your hard lent cash.

Yeah?

From 'Paranoid Android' to 'Lucky', 'Idioteque' to 'Pyramid Song', it induces a permanent state of musical ecstasy. Obviously no cherry picking of 'Epic Last Song' Radiohead songs will leave you completely satisfied and naturally this OUT NOW doesn’t ebb, flow inspire, please, and sadden like every classic Radiohead album but after 16 slices of gorgeous avant-garde cake, there remains no ‘Epic Last Song’ shows a far more cause for complaint. conservative side of DIOYY, lacking the raucous punch of previous MIKE REGAN efforts this is a rather standard poppunk affair. By no means as memorable as their other singles, this is an almost lazy effort lacking any of the originality or excitement which we have come to expect from DIOYY. Dull to the point of unbearable, the song limps on for three minutes endlessly repeating the same tired lyrics. Avoid.

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The Crimea

'The 48A Waiting Steps' 30/06/08

the steeples

coldplay

tea for two out now

viva la vida OUT NOW

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very so often Coldplay decide to disappear forever - temporarily. On this particular re-emergence of theirs, they give us ‘Viva La Vida or Death and All His Friends’.

Subconsciously, ‘Viva la Vida’ makes me think of the words “upside-inside-out” and deviate into deliberations of Chris Martin’s possible relationship to Ricky. The music, however, does demand a serious ear. It is very Coldplay. No, much more than that: it is very Coldplay-go-two-thousand-and-eight-and-a-half. The instrumental burst of ‘Life in Technicolor’ revs album number four into life. One song melds into the next, often without pause.

There are some notably catchy tunes on the CD, as one would really expect; ‘Violet Hill’ or ‘Cemeteries of London’, for example, are wonderfully tuneful and memorable. ‘Lovers in Japan’, meanwhile, provides a softer song. Though at one point I forgot it was the title track ‘Viva La Vida’ that I was listening to and not ‘Clocks’, generally Johnny Buckland’s claim to Rolling Stone magazine that the band has attempted something new with this album does seem to be a fair statement. On listening to the emphatic percussion of the rockier track yes it is clear that, well, yes bloody Coldplay are back, but yes they have tried to freshen up their sound in some ways. An artistic record most fitting for a season of falling asleep on the grass or riding cars with their roofs missing - temporarily.

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‘Tea for two’ is a soulless cocktail of all the worst ingredients commercial indie-pop has to offer. Lacking effort, ambition and any imagination, The Steeples leave a bitter taste in the mouth that even a bargain bin would refuse.

The Hoosiers too challenging? The view too original? The Holloways not shit enough? Wait till you hear this.

Ripping off every successful guitar band in Britain is one thing, but a consistent inability to take anything even remotely tuneful from so many bands really does beggar belief. Andy Culshaw’s high-pitched strangled vocals sound forced and often veer wildly into ‘wacky’ territory, whilst the music sounds contrived and cartoony. To add insult to the ears, the nonsense lyrics about teenage life would barely pass a year 6 SATS exam. Daily Mail style puns and lines stolen from ‘Confessions of a window cleaner’ scripts are littered throughout the seedy songs. ‘Loosy Lucy’s sweet story, “I was caught with my pants down at about twenty to three, they were wrapped around my ankles, I could feel the breeze”, could just about seduce a prostitute.

To be fair to the band, ‘Britney’s Tears’ could possibly pass for a Fratellis B-side. Yet even this is let down by a tendency to fill every gap with a ‘woah-oh-oh” or a “doo-doo-doo”.

The distinct lack of originality and considerable amount of cheese may suffice for Duffy fans wanting something a bit rockier, but for anyone with taste or hearing...BEWARE!

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LAURA MORRIS

JAMES NORTON

Alternative indie-rock band The Crimea describes their music as that of ‘four Tchaikovskys banging Kylie Minogue’; an obscure metaphor to say the least. Although ‘The 48A Waiting Steps’ doesn’t sound quite as exotic or as epic as the bold sound bite might suggest, it is still an exciting record.

Sitting somewhere in the vast area between art-rock and pub-rock The Crimea have a sound all their own, coupling this with their unique distribution method (download the album free) they should be invading our ipods sometime soon.

The Feeling 'Turn It Up' 14/07/08

In many ways ‘Turn it Up’ is like candyfloss: sugary, without substance and marketed to children.

The Feeling have never been known for their lyrical depth or profound observations so the inanity of this latest release is rather unsurprising; though it would be foolish to dismiss it out of hand. The song has a certain short term quality (too much would almost certainly be bad for you), the squeaky clean vocals and highly polished riffs leaving a pleasant taste in your mouth. This is ‘fast-food’ music: cheap, cheerful and delicious.

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♥ NOAH AND THE WHALE VISION

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JOSEPH MCDERMOTT AND HOLLIE PRICE TELL YOU WHY: They’re the floral, embroidered doormats of the land of indie twee.

Noah and the Whale are the happy-go-lucky, sunshine band with a moody-ish, James Deanalike frontman, Charlie Fink. They get on with everyone... which is nice. “Slow Club have been wicked and we get on with Johnny Flynn... his sister, Lily, sings for us sometimes.

We’re not really aggressive, we don’t start fights or anything.” Charlie seems like the band’s spark, their chain-smoking prodigy though: “we get on alright with Fionn Regan... not me so much”. Charlie’s the one you might want to be a little bit scared of with his intense eyes, musical melancholy and low (but wonderful) tones.

They’re a 'post-grunge folk' band who offer the best of both worlds.

“Our gigs are really varied. We offer the best of both worlds: half of the set belongs in a sombre environment but there’s some songs where you want energy and dancing, some have been enthusiastic but others have been respectful”. Noah and the Whale demand respect, in the nicest possible way. “Some of the gigs are seated so it’s really hard to play the dancy songs. We had this perfect gig in Paris, where they were all silent when you were playing and then all just went nuts at the end”. Good times.

If you go down to the woods today..you’re sure for a big surprise.

“I’ll have five thousand bodies, I’ll have five thousand trees” sings Charlie in 'Death by Numbers’. And indeed the band are setting out on a “tour of forests with the Zutons and the Mystery Jets, and Fionn Regan”. Having done all the same old city festivals, they’re off to sing in the heart of nature, and teach us about the birds and the bees with their melodies.

They’ll sweep the ladies off their feet.

“In five years time, we could be walking round a zoo, with the sun shining down on me and you”: the band are full of tips on wooing the girls. Charlie exclaims: “A zoo’s definitely a good spot for a date”… "oooh a petting zoo... tumbleweed tumbleweed” interjects Urby the comedian bassist. Yes... anyway... carry on Charlie? “Even if the date’s diabolical, at least you’re in a zoo. The key thing about dates is to do something fun, cos if worst comes to worst, you can still have fun on your own”. Good ideas all round I’d say. “Girls like films and if the date goes badly..you don’t have to talk to her. If it goes well, she’ll be like "wow, he’s got good movie taste. I want people to say at my funeral..he’s an alright guy but he had a great taste in movies”. At least he doesn’t completely rely on his musical talents.

Following the love and loss of Laura Marling, they can only get better.

“Laura sang with us at Great Escape in Brighton but that’s the last we’ll do for a while just because she’s got her own thing. We’re both separately very busy”. Aaah well, they’re just as good without her, and if they can keep getting Lily Flynn and Slow Club’s Rebecca to sing her bits then they’ll be alright. It seems all a bit sad since their happy days filming ‘Five Years Time’ though: “we just feel like our creative period together’s done now... made two albums together and now we’re going to split off and do our own thing”. Charlie looks even more sullen but that only adds to his air of being the band’s musical Johnny Cashesque tragic prodigy...“she’s got a restraining order actually... nah not really”.

They’re mates with all the lovely old men at your local.

The band used the Hackney pub in the ‘Five Years Time’ video “purely cos we liked the curtains so much”. “It was just amazing, so much fun” and the old men in the pub were certainly dancing by the end of it. But the locals took some warming to the North London lads: “we went in there and it was a proper, scary ‘alcoholics’ pub..if you’re in there, you just sit and drink there all day..it’s a proper local. One of those where the same people were at the bar every day. Those people..when we first arrived, I wasn’t sure if they were gonna kill us”. Everyone loves them, even the alcoholics.

They are scientists. Of melody.

“Yeah, we’ve got a lab and we do experiments with music”. Ok, everyone makes a big deal that they can simultaneously be like The Smiths and be a folk band, but they like other things too. “The Smiths a wicked band and we do a cover ['Girlfriend in a Coma'] but I don’t actually listen to them that much. We’re into Smog, Bonnie Prince Billy… a lot of American stuff, Jeffrey Lewis, Panda Bear from Animal Collective, Neutral Milk Hotel.

We’re currently investigating Talk Talk, and there’s very positive findings so far”. Only Noah and The Whale could make listening to music a scientific investigation. Their experiments with “punk style” side project, ‘The A-Sides’, didn’t go down too well last month though. “Nah, half the people hated it, some were really into it though,” honest. “We had these sunglasses on and these guys started shouting ‘You should’ve gone to Specsavers’”.

Dearie me. Nevertheless, their next album (already written and recorded) will be a beakerful of swirly punk potion, none of this flippant folk. The boys are going for the hardcore, heavier guitar, singing, Fiddling... everything.

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Cox has Balls Andrew Nicholls chats about war, communism and even a little film with cult film director Alex Cox: My conversation with Alex Cox was interesting. When I was speaking to him I felt he had the demeanour of a head teacher from a Stalinist school or perhaps a leader of an internet forum for conspiracy theorists. It was almost as if he was lecturing a small child about wild theories I really should know are facts. It is this warped world view that perhaps explains why Alex Cox is such a successful cult film director; his films have a surreal, singular approach which is easy to reconcile with his personality.

The source of Cox’s rebellious nature seems to be, as he sees it, his ‘black-listing’ from the major Hollywood studios. In 1984 Cox was an up and coming director, Repo Man his debut film, whilst launching the career of Emilio Estevez was a commercial and critical success on a very small budget.

This led to Universal studios funding Cox to make Walker- a biopic of William Walker, an American general who invaded Nicaragua in the 19th Century.

However at the time the film was been made the US was at war with the regime in Nicaragua.

Cox being sympathetic to the regime decided to spend $5.5 million in Nicaragua, as Cox says in his own words “supporting the revolution” that had recently taken place. Cox never worked with a major studio again.

Cox is evidently still a political animal, in telling me about his black-listing he went on to describe in detail the Nicaraguan revolution, concluding after a trip there to view collective farms that he “was convinced by the end of it” and “thought it was a positive thing”. Cox is also much heartened by Hugo Chavez’s revolution in Venezuela, “I am inspired

by Chavez, it’s like Cuba or Nicaragua but rich and I think anywhere where they’re

attempting to provide universal health care or education is a good thing no matter what country or city that will be”. Cox is however back on his lecturing high horse when I bring up the issue of Chavez’s media censoring. “I think his control of the media is okay the media is so universally controlled by the oligarchy and the elite and influenced by Americans.

So I think what he had to do was create an alternative media to fight that, he has been very successful at creating a national community media network called Vive. They also show footage of Israeli soldiers just beating on Palestine legs until they break and they show footage of Afghan

and Iraqi civilians been killed and that is what we don’t see here.”

It seems that Cox’s principles have made him a man at ease with himself and his career, he clearly enjoys making films. Film to him is, a “team working together towards a common artistic purpose and i do love that process so much”.

Even if he does not get to do that with such big budgets of big name actors anymore he also hasn’t gone back on his principles.

There is only one point in the interview when Cox becomes annoyed.

When discussing Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, the adaptation of Hunter S. Thompson’s novel,he was originally in place to write and direct. It is widely believed Cox was removed from this project due to artistic differences with the original author, however Cox feels, “it was because of my screenplay but they used it in the end” Cox is still credited as a screenwriter on the film. “The reason they got rid of me was that they wanted to take the film to Universal and because I’m blacklisted by the studio they had to get rid of me, but there was an incentive because Johnny Depp’s salary was already $500,000, but if it went to the studio he would get $5million so after casting the actors; Johnny Depp and the other idiot, they both like completely betrayed me and got rid of me so

they could earn more money, may they burn in hell”. It seems the only thing that annoys Cox is when people don’t share his high level of principle.

One regret Cox does have about the films he has made came to me as somewhat of a shock, when asked if he felt Sid and Nancy, perhaps his most famous film, and the launch pad for Gary Oldman’s career he replied “Yes, yes Sid and Nancy is the biggest failure that I have ever encountered because I imagined that people watching would see what a tragedy it was and how these guys really

did betray the whole Punk movement. They took on a larger than life aspect t and because everyone looked at them, looked at the complete fuck up of Sid and Nancy, their relationship and their deaths kinda dragged the punk thing down. Lydon and Strummer ( Sid Vicious’s fellow Sex Pistol members) kept trying to get across whatever it was about punk that was important, and I do think that Sid and Nancy was a failure.

In the same way as war films are usually a failure, maybe Francis Coppola makes Apocalypse Now thinking he is making an anti-war film you know but it turns into the glorification of war and in the same way Sid and Nancy turns into the glorification of smack heads which was never the intention. It’s a big failure in the sense of it romanticises them and we couldn’t have got the money if we had been too harsh but that’s no excuse there is no reason that film had to be made so I’m disappointed in the sense that we did fail.I remind Cox that no matter how bad his impression of his film is that he did save the world from a Madonna/ Rupert Everett Sid and Nancy “yeah there was a Madonna vehicle around and I kinda felt a moral reason, I felt we had to stop the Madonna vehicle

LISTINGS

talking shyamashite M. Night Shyamalan, respected film writer/director, has finally done it.

He’s gone and hit rock bottom having written three horrible films in a row. Gone are the days of awardwinning “The Sixth Sense” and the brief craze over a creepy nine-yearold named Haley Joel Osment. Say hello to “The Happening,” the newest science fiction thriller to add to your list of “Films I Will Never Watch Unless I’m Intoxicated.”

As seen with “Lady in the Water,” Shyamalan seems to have lost his sense of mystery, plot twists, and coherence. Instead, it’s ridiculously gory, showing people committing suicide creatively: one man gets run over by a lawn mower, while another feeds himself to lions. Sound scary?

Wait until you find out where the toxins are coming from. I’ll give you a hint: it’s not aliens.

Maybe Shyamalan has gotten a little too cocky refusing to cut anything from his meandering stories; maybe he keeps telling that insignificant editor guy who says, “that part sucks” or “what the hell is going on here?” to piss off, since he believes his stories are made for a more highbrow crowd. Well, maybe that guy has some credibility.

Or maybe he knows he’s producing shit, and it’s some private joke between him and his Hollywood friends, and each time another one comes out he says, “Yeah, I wrote this one night when I was on acid.

But just wait. This horrible piece of work will a top seller opening weekend.” And the week after it comes out his amused friends say, “Oh my God! I can’t believe they bought it!”

Because the truth is that “The Happening” is indeed making millions, and Shyamalan is probably rolling on the floor right now laughing about his little joke in a huge pile of money. And you know what, if I were him, I’d be doing the same thing.

-AK

by making our own but that’s daft too, a lot of people think Sid and Nancy is my best film, precisely because its so sentimental but I am very disappointed by it,.”

Cox is unique. He is a nightmare to talk to, due to the fact he is so convinced that his beliefs, no matter how wild they may seem, are pure fact and reason.

What one can’t deny is that wherever he may be working, he is currently a jobbing actor and director or assistant director for hire, he will always bring his rather zany qualities to bear in his work, and for as long as people want to be shocked or surprised by cinema Cox will always have a place in it.

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The Incredible Hulk Director - Louis Leterrier hen going to see “The Incredible Hulk”, wanting to see a fun action W movie, I got explosions. I got two giant hulks smashing things and trying to kill each other with their giant green hands. That was nice.

What I didn’t want was more of the first movie: a boring story and horribly drawn out scenes of power-thirsty American generals trying to kill the Hulk with a large range of weaponry. Admittedly, the beginning of the film is entertaining showing fugitive Bruce Banner living in Brazil, working at a soft drink bottling factory. The Army figures out where he is and a chase ensues. When Banner is cornered in the factory, you see the Hulk’s shadow, and watch as he grabs army men and throws them across the room.

Quickly though, the excitement and mystery die out. To cover over the lack of an interesting plot, the director thought it would be a good idea to up the sappy romance factor. Bad idea. Though I may be biased since I have never liked the breathy bad acting of Liv Tyler (who plays Betty Ross), when I saw her and Edward Norton on screen, I couldn’t help but wince at their awkward chemistry. An example: a disraught Betty runs to the Hulk in the middle of an explosive fight. While the army men tear across the lawn to grab bigger guns out of their never-ending supply of ammo, the Hulk reaches out a giant clumsy hand taking a single tear from her face and says “BET-TY!” Edward Norton is great the whole way through, but he couldn’t do much with the awful script, even after he rewrote it. William Hurt is also convincing as the arrogant general, since I hated him by the end.

The rest of the film focuses on the taxi-throwing helicopter-crashing building-smashing conflict between the Hulk and the evil Tim Roth, who becomes the other green giant, the Abomination. That should have been the name of the movie – then I would have known what to expect.

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Alison Kjeldgaard

THE EDGE OF LOVE .

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In Search of a Midnight Kiss Director - Alex Holdridge

isually stunning In Search of a Midnight Kiss is the kind of indy/art house gem that you will fall in love with. Its black and white cinematography of some beautiful but underused Los Angeles locations gives the film the appearance of classic hollywood romance cinema.However this is a thoroughly modern romantic tale It's New Year's Eve and Wilson is at the end of annus-horribilis and is planning to spend a quiet night locked in his room when his housemate finds him masturbating and persuades him to put a personal ad online. He finds himself one of many lonely men auditioning to spend the night with an attractively glamorous blonde Vivian, who has some serious character flaws.As the characters wander through seductive monochrome images of Santa Monica beach, the Hollywood Hills, the freeways, the Silverlake suburbs, the faded frontier frontages of disused theatres and the wasteland of the warehouse district we slowly fall in love with the initially unappealing.Writer-director Alex Holdridge’s sharp quick witted script and often refreshingly crass romantic chat further charms the rapidly enchanted audience.

It’s a very very funny film that explores love and loneliness in the modern world. Inevitably the film obeys some rom-com conventions and the characters become less abrasive and soon find shared affection.However the ending is a cruel, or ultra-realistic twist on the typical mush that is churned out to convince us that romance has all the depth and humanity of Ashton Kutcher.

Andrew Nichols

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Director - John Maybury

eira Knightly follows her success in Atonement by once again K donning her ration wear in another romance set in world war two London. The Edge of Love explores the emotional collision of

Welsh poet Dylan Thomas, his wife Caitlin and another British couple.Although I admit that Miss Knightly and Sienna Miller do make war look like lots of welly wearing fun The Edge of Love shoots somewhat wide of the mark. The film seems confused it veers wildly between downbeat art-house edge and the kind of romance mainstream audiences lap up.As such it attempts to please all audiences but ends up satisfying none.

Like many biopics the writer Sharman MacDonald finds it difficult to shape the often random, rambling events of a life into a clean narrative, as a result the film appears disjointed. It begins in London amidst the Blitz, Keira’s character Vera runs into old friend Dylan Thomas (played by Matthew Rhys), an affection grows between her and Dylan’s passionate, impetuous wife Caitlin (Sienna Miller). Vera falls in love rather reluctantly, perhaps persuaded by the dramatic context, with English Captain William Killick.

The action then cuts to Wales a year later, Vera lives within singing distance of Thomas and his wife. All is not as idyllic as the romantic setting would suggest as Dylan and Caitlin are lost in drink and serial affairs. The films finale falls into a clumsy change of setting and a curiously flat resolution. The Edge of Love is shot beautifully and its protagonists perform well with what their given, which makes it all the more frustrating that this film fails to deliver. It seems to persist in exploring avenues that fail to bear fruit and ignore the obvious potential in Dylan’s seemingly tragic life.

Andrew Nichols

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teleVISION

spitting homages...

It's the second part of the great 137th annual teleVISION awards. Scott Bryan relooks back at a year, of bad sitcoms, awful personalities and Kelly Osbourne...

TURN ON...

...TURN OFF

I've sealed the envelopes and now I am about to unopen them once more. If you didn't read the last issue teleVISION had their annual television awards, dishing out the dongs for everything that's great and crap on the box. Due to popular request it makes its grand return.

So (let the anticipation build)... let's announce the first winner.

In a special 'Turn On Turn Off' we will be looking ahead to some of the highlights and lowlights to the season ahead. I have looked into my crystal ball and here are my predictions:

The show they keep bringing back for no apparent reason whatsoever: Project Catwalk (Sky One). Kelly Osbourne, whose only claim to fame is having parents who are more bitchy and psychotic then she is, lines up a set of designers to undertake weekly fashion challenges. These include lining up shows promoting their designer wear at a show in front of a panel of judges before blah blah blah blah blah (dukk as dishwater)… Its not as hardcore as America's Next Top Model (Living), it's nowhere near as entertaining as the dumbness of America’s Most Smartest Model on MTV, and it has fewer weekly viewers than Points of View on Sunday afternoons. And yet they bring it back every year…

There will be at least one reality show during the summer holidays which will be hyped up and fail: Last year it was Castaway (BBC ONE), the year before Love Island (ITV1). Which will it be this year?

It really should be Big Brother (Channel 4)… they are flogging the biggest dead horse of all reality shows, but you know that it will be back next year, and the year after, and probably the year after that too.

The best opening titles to a television show: News at Ten - ITV1.

Ner ner ner ner. NER NER NER NER NER NER!!! (shot of London skyline zooming in).

Ner ner ner ner NER NER NER NER NER NER… (zooming in past the London Eye).

NER NAH (zooming in past traffic). NER (heading for big bong). Really overdramatic. NER NAH!!! NER! Now the crunchline as we crash into Big Ben. BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG BONG..........

BANNNNNNNGGGGGGGG!!!!!! I get really excited for the opening moments of ITV's News at Ten. I turn up the volume real loud, wave my arms around... then when the news comes on I get bored and turn it on to the BBC.

presenter. The style of the show was personal, the advice given was worthwhile and it was generally great to listen to. Now its Kelly, flavour of the month for all those devoid of taste.

Proof that ITV cannot do comedy award: Headcases. It had so much potential, it had so much opportunity. It could have really been the satire show of the year, or what the writers plugged it to be, the greatest comedy revolution since Spitting Image of the 1980s. Well it wasn't. It didn't work. It didn't help that they had exactly, EXACTLY the same jokes each week with no change in gags whatsoever, but that aside the general animation skills (as shown above) were equally poor. The brand new CGI they boasted of made all of the characters look completely wooden and flat. The puppets should have been used instead. Silly billies. Other nominations for worst comedy on ITV include that comedy sitcom starring Adrian Edmondson, which was so bad that I couldn't rememeber the name, and to this date I still can't find anything about the show on the internet. Incredible.

KELLY OSBOURNE'S ONLY CLAIM TO FAME IS HAVING PARENTS WHO ARE MORE BITCHY AND PSYCHOTIC THAN SHE IS...

Runner up to best opening titles: Hollyoaks (Channel 4). All together now. NER NAH NER NAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Technological breakthrough breaking internet speeds across campus: BBC iPlayer. I love it. 4OD and ITV Player normally crashes when I load it on my PC and then I spend the next three hours screaming at it while pressing Control + Alt + Delete. Iplayer is the true creme de la creme of services available to us poor non-TV-owning students.

The TV reception in Halifax is crap anyway. I had to dangle my TV aerial out of my window, and I only got Channel 4 when it was cloudy and BBC TWO when it was wet.

Worst radio show: Sunday Surgery with Kelly Osbourne. In case of impending legal ation it must be said that Vision does not hate Kelly Osbourne, but she does happen to be on two of the worst programmes around right now. The Sunday Surgery on Radio One used to be beacon of public service broadcasting when Emma B was the main

Unsung Heroes of the year : Sir Alan's trusty aids Nick Hewer and Margaret Mountford were the undisputed stars of this year's Apprentice series. Not only could we spend a full hour sniggering at Nick's bumhole shaped mouth, we had the pleasure of watching Margaret blossom into a cutting ice-queen. From her disapproving stares, to her sniping comments at a certain Scottish university to her blatant arousal at Lee's thong-selling skills, along with her secret lover Nick (this is in no way based on fact, in fact it is the opinion of Mike Regan and not Scott Bryan, just in case we get sued) they provided brilliant entertainment.

Thank you. Join is once again in October if you would be so kind

THIS WEEK ON NEIGHBOURS (ON CHANNEL FIVE)

Libby sacrifices his happiness. Mickey goes on a family holiday and might go with Paul to Europe. Dan and Sam’s grief pulls them together, and Dan is too sad to say goodbye. Lou sells the General Store to Marco and Frazer. Meanwhile Frazer has a shock when he receives heartbreaking news - there is no baby!

Steve and Rebecca clash over parenting, Ringo runs away and Riley is confronted by his past which leaves him in jail. We miss Harold. Come back!

Neighbours on Five at 1.45 and 5.45 every weekday.

That no-one will remember nor really care about the winner of Big Brother: Well apart from heat magazine and such other publications more attuned for wiping up urine than for reading. And they will occupy his/her face on the front cover for three months afterwards. Even more reason to cover it in piss.

That BBC will introduce another awful sitcom / or rehash another series of My Family. Remember the hijinkes and hilarious consequences of After Your Gone starring the muppet from Only Fools and Horses? Remember also the post- Only Fools and Horses sitcom set in the country with stereotypical country bumpkins, one-liners and bad innuendo, that remarkably got a second series and a Christmas special? Remember any sitcom with Dawn French in it? HA HA HA… how we didn’t laugh. And guess what?

BBC ONE will make another one and slap it all on prime-time viewing, and it’ll have roughly 13 million viewers a week.

That Hollyoaks will have another storyline that will last for the three months of summer but will go nowhere. Last year it was John Paul and Craig that ended in heartbreak, but who knows who will be under the spotlight this year. There is only one way to find out...

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INTER-RAILING There are only so many hours you can waste gazing at the alpine peaks, villages that resemble Hogsmeade and old men eternally playing backgammon that whistle past your train window before Europe starts to become a little boring. To combat this Vision suggests the reams of Thrillers that employ Europe’s landmarks as secondary characters. With Dan Brown’s Angels and Demons tucked under your arm you might actually see a Rome that doesn’t merely consist of St Peter’s, the Parthenon and the Coliseum whilst Henry Porter’s Brandenbrug Gate will have you suspecting every second Berliner of dastardly Stasi-inspired plots. Become an expert in your chosen historical period without exhausting too many brain cells by reading the kind of books that claim to be ‘meticulously researched’ and ‘convincing portrayal’ in embossed gold. C.J.Sansom’s Madrid in Winter should have you informing the veteran Republican in seat 14A why Franco wasn’t all bad in your terrible LFA Spanish. For a novel that won’t result in your being attacked by an incensed Spaniard with a disarmingly sharp Chorizo, Daphne de Maurier’s The Glass-Blowers has the added advantage that all the participants of the French Revolution are now dead. Less dense than Victor Hugo’s Les Miserables it’s also unlikely to have you conducting the carriage through a rendition of La Marseillaise.

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SUNNING

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K t b 9 1 d h ’s e t c i a g s Chan tion of mu ls in the C ou might for min ips ent i a r y i r rea som go L to t ndu explo ince the g Woodstock tonbury v s l n a a l o n of d al e s and he c lgin to c e origi adiohead, G h t t a Hi ‘Kid l tho imil , Yo inemg yo were ay with R u s a r u w a t ech Dar lt L se bo rly ksh a, p r in g et mi ni k M it’ a ok chi ire’ icn ner well.a ch wi ssin cally ate nd c s tha ldish s fin ics ild r i t g t e l n h i a a r s a Ja a t fro Ch ls t ss i com ead t th th wit m ild ril t a e u in th ili or m em e p h yo e Riv a Ga ch b Adu ren’ ogy s res nde g. Us e p ark endur s r a v e e l n e e mi r Se in’s twee t fic boo eed arch the the rk, and s c k b gh a a Co n t . ty r y ion , t no Ph an we all ad re al am our . R alki suc illip al h ek t s ult so Bo ea ng h o t P ea br Ch y aneeth d it bea excu ullmding Ho ain. ildre d E for un rs b ses an ’s d b n’s va e n tak wev Ibb osta er t ing ut i b e e oo s Ca th r t ks otso lgic he c sadl y int terp e for he u o n t p ha v t a ’s Jo urpo ers an o th illar m o ltim u f r d s e a e flo se I am not suggesting that people who go on holidays to remote destinations wo r ney es. ha or T thru te o a i n r r h t be n s thy to to build schools and embark on horrendous treks up even more horrengin. Are ing ds o e Ti ting dul of . dous upward slopes are more intellectually advanced than those opting we you f t ger Th gen W e V ce sit rse he for the more beach party orientated break. But for those impressive peoho er sh o tin lf g c cro ldes Camy Hu oul ple who are maybe looking for more out of their summer than a remix d om ss t lo n of Soulja Boy at a foam party then maybe a more spiritually enlightenfor -leg ok e to g ry tab ge ing Tea ing book is more fitting. The Alchemist and its “simple fable, based on ly? d o k simple truths” has become a modern day classic. It tells the story of an Th n t id en he Andalucian shepherd boy who longs to follow his dream of worldly treasI’ l ures and journey the globe. Along the way he meets various spiritual l guides in the guise of a camel driver and a well-educated Englishman and inevitably he learns of the alchemists. Their belief is that if metal were heated for many years it would free itself of its individual properties and impurities and what remained would be the “Soul of the World”. It may not appeal to cynics but The Alchemist may well surprise you and as my enlightened friend has informed me, “Everyone reads that book on those sorts of holidays; you’ll look dumb if you don’t”.

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The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho, HarperCollins

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Something to mullova Anna Wormleighton talks to cellist Matthew Barley about his career as well as his marriage to violinist Viktoria Mullova

criticism from a couple of the national critics. “I actually thought I was going to get much more”, Matthew admits. “So mentally I was totally prepared for it. But you can’t prepare yourself emotionally for something like that because it’s really painful.” The main problem with the negative feedback for Matthew was its targeting of the young musicians. “That’s out of order”, he says.

As well as being a renowned solo performer, Matthew Barley devotes much of his time to working with young people to develop their interest in classical music. Between the Notes, a project in Croatia five years ago, involved twenty-five kids from a top music school and twenty-five from an ordinary comprehensive. Matthew discovered that the ones with no classical training were more open-minded and more physically able to get into the music. Attending Chethams music school, playing in the National Youth Orchestra, and doing further study at the Guildhall School of Music and Drama and then the Moscow Conservatoire, Matthew Barley isn’t just about the strictly classical though. “I remember saying when I was nineteen that I didn’t want the Hilton Hotel Dvorak concerto career”, Matthew says. Instead, collaborating with Indian, Sufi, African, and jazz musicians, as well as with London’s Grime MCs, his priority lies with creating music that’s vibrant, original, and free from the conservatism of the average classical concert. “My first ever ambition when I was fourteen was to be a reggae cellist”, Matthew says incredulously. While at music college, he began experimenting with improvisation, and then in his thirties he started to do this professionally. “If you grow up as a classically trained musician, you think of classical music as the world of music. And when you start branching out, you realise that, actually, there’s so much other music in the world besides western classical stuff.” Currently, he has an ongoing collaboration with Indian sarod player, Amjad Ali Kahn, as well as performing work on his new electric 'cello.

How does he find working professionally with Viktoria, I ask him? “Most of the time we agree. Which is lucky because when we clash, we REALLY clash!” They take time to listen to each other’s work and give feedback. “She’s been a huge musical influence”, Matthew says, the two of them sharing their views on music constantly. “But I’d love to travel with Vika more, and she wants to come travelling with me when I play. I think we’ll start doing that more now.” Ten years ago, and three years into their relationship, Matthew pioneered a hugely successful collaborative project with Viktoria entitled “Through the Looking Glass”. “It was kind of like a present for Vika”, he says. They toured the world doing around thirty concerts, with the (then) very young Nadia. “We didn’t have a babysitter for three and a half weeks. We’d leave her backstage in the concert with my laptop and some DVDs. She watched “The BFG” If David and Victoria Beckham are your idea of a celebrity power couple, then divert every concert!” Nadia is their only child together, but Katia, Viktoria’s daughter with your attention to 'cello and TV star, Matthew Barley, and Russian virtuoso violinist wife, British violinist Alan Brind, also lives with them, as does her son, Misha, from a previViktoria Mullova. As two of the country’s foremost musicians, their working lives comous relationship with top Italian conductor Claudio Abbado. Misha, Matthew says, is prise of worldwide tours, regular bookings with top international orchestras, and enddefinitely going to be a musician. “When he was eight or nine years old, his musical ear less recording studio sessions. If Matthew and Viktoria get a chance to be at home, the surpassed mine completely. He’s looking to be a composer”. But Matthew expresses his chances are they will be doing extensive hours of practice concern at how Misha will be perceived on their instruments. I visit their Holland Park home in the music world. “Everybody is going with the expectation of being sandwiched between plane to know who is – his surname is Mullova"ONE OF THE THINGS THAT HAS COME THROUGH THE flights or in the midst of warm ups for an evening Abbado – I mean, you can’t really hide with a concert. Matthew answers the door in a remarkably name like that!”

WHOLE SHOULDER INJURY THINK IS THAT I'VE GOT TO chilled state, however, and Viktoria is spending time But life in the music world, even without a with daughter Katia over a lazy lunch. There are conspicuous name, is never easy. And touring CHANGE MY LIFE" immaculately tended flowerpots in their front garmust be the toughest bit. “The news is that it’s den, suggesting people with time on their hands. so easy!” Matthew laughs. “You get looked after Matthew is currently suffering from a shoulder all the time, people take you out to dinner, you injury which has meant that he has had to suspend his 'cello playing for a while, as well get a schedule telling you where you are and when. Life at home in London is way harder as to cancel his national spring tour. Now well into his break, he actually seems to be because you’ve got to work, you’ve got to keep the house together, and you’ve got to deal enjoying the freedom. “One of the things that has come through the whole shoulder with this.” He points a playfully accusing finger at Nadia, now sprawled across the sofa. injury thing is that I’ve got to change my life. It was just way too busy”, he says. Leading When Matthew has fully mended, he is off to Sweden on a nine-day tour involving nine the way up to the sitting room which has a great furry throne which I feel self-conscious concerts, performing at High Mass, and playing for factory workers in their lunch break about sitting on, he explains he’s just got back from a holiday in Cuba with Viktoria at a paper mill. Eighteen performances in nine days – and I thought he had said he was and is enjoying time off from his work. “Since I’ve really got rested, I have realised how going to take things easy? Matthew also has planned an exciting project at the Festival utterly exhausted I was”. At one point, he even played a concert with pneumonia because Hall next year, aimed at people who’ve never been to a classical concert before. Dismissive of his impressively steely attitude to life. “I was practically dead! I of the idea that he is bringing music to the masses, he jokes, “I sometimes say that my was on stage just slumped in my chair.” motto is ‘elitism for all’. I don’t really believe that Today, barefooted and in jeans and a white there’s a ‘we’ over here that has something to T-shirt, Matthew sits cross-legged on the bring to ‘them’ over there”. Rather, his aim for sofa with an expectant expression and the future is to bridge this unfounded divide as lively blue eyes. Their daughter, Nadia, much as he can. “If I’ve got a mission at all now comes to join us. it’s to try and actually re-brand classical music Matthew has recently finished the BBC2 because I think it has the wrong brand image. I series Classical Star – a programme that love talking to people who have preconceptions carried out an extensive search for a about classical music, or who just don’t know talented, young musician, the particimuch about it, and, you know, strip away all pants being trained by Matthew and the rubbish and show that here it is – it’s just judged by various other top musicians. music.”

Fun, chilled out and full of charisma, As I leave Matthew and Viktoria’s home, I can Matthew was a natural teacher for the faintly here Katia playing Disney on the piano young performers. “Seeing the kids in their studio. It’s not what I expected to hear improve was the best thing about the in their household, but Matthew’s right – that programme, without a doubt”, he good music is good music, and classical music enthuses, with a clear genuine affeccertainly shouldn’t exist in its own superior, hertion for the youngsters. “But it’s also metic world. great fun making a telly programme and being the centre of attention!

When you’re a 'cellist, you’re sitting in a room on your own and then you get half an hour or so on stage for a concerto. But with TV, there are people everywhere and they sort out everything. It’s so easy!” While the programme had a huge following and lots of fans, it nevertheless received some damning

Matthew Barley will be playing in Messiaen’s Quartet for the End of Time at the Royal Albert Hall on Thursday 4th September, 10-11pm, £5-£15 tickets. Matthew and Viktoria Mullova will be playing at the Queen Elizabeth Hall on Saturday 27th September, 7.30pm, £9-£30 tickets.

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are You Happy Now? What we will end up doing with our degrees, or indeed our lives, is not at the forefront of most of our minds at the moment. With the excitement of summer and the dawning of another academic year in October, we have a lot to occupy us without bothering ourselves too much with the long-term. But for those leaving us in a couple of weeks, moving on to bigger and better things will be, or at least should be, a primary concern. But what is it we look for in a job, or indeed in our adult lives in general? A well-paid, successful and rewarding career, I’m guessing? Two healthy children? A loving, caring partner, if we’re lucky? Lucinda Coxon’s play ‘Happy Now’, at London’s National Theatre, gives its protagonist all of the above. But after having all it all, the ‘perfect’ life, is it still possible to be less than happy?

Kitty, a senior executive of a cancer research charity, and with her husband Johnny, a lawyer-turned-teacher, they are two intelligent, motivated and educated young professionals. They have two young children, who never appear on stage, a pleasant house and good friends. But when Kitty, played by the brilliant Olivia Williams, meets Stanley Townsend’s Michael at a conference, the dissatisfactions with her have-it-all life suddenly surface.

The overweight, sleazy Michael propositions the attractive Kitty. And unsurprisingly, she turns him down. But what follows is a review of everything that she stands for, and the realisation that despite her loving husband and happy family, she is tempted. Scenes of an exhausted, ratty mother and a bitter, struggling father may ring true with many of us, and the honest display of professional family life at its worst is a brave one. Whilst the plight of

CULTURE

Zoe Stones takes a trip to London's South Bank

a working mother is well represented in literature, the similar situation of a man juggling work and family is more often than not ignored, and it is refreshing to see the situation of the family as a whole, rather than just that of one gender.

The play is flawlessly staged. Props and scenery are sparse but effective in their simplicity, and the acting is superb. What really stands out in this production is its recognisable characters: the narcissistic grandmother, the lovable but miserable rogue, the delusional middle-class couple who deem their average child ‘gifted’. The laughter in the audience was that of recognition, and it was through this that the predominantly professional, middle-class audience connected with the play.

Though ‘Happy Now’ was literally applicable to only a small proportion of Britons, the issues it discussed, with the politicians’ favourite ‘breakdown of the family’ and questions of money and education, meant the play was permeable to many other people’s lives.

And I have to admit, like my companions at the National, I found the play somewhat depressing.

If I had to say what I hoped for in the future, it would be everything that Johnny and Kitty had.

The play has made me reconsider my options.

So I suggest to all of you third years, have a think; maybe that perfect life is not so perfect after all. Maybe Robert Frost is right, maybe the path less travelled, that we so often dismiss, is indeed the right one for us.

Student Action at Vanbrugh Bowl The clouds parted and the sun beamed down on Vanbrugh Bowl. The stage was set for William Shakespeare’s magical tale of fairies, love-potions and pursuits. Over 360 students flocked to the outdoor theatre, armed with picnics and rugs, and took to the pleasant, temperate atmosphere like our very own ducks to water. It’s not the first time Student Action has put on a play though. In 2006, the then rep for Derwent College Isla Brown pioneered the project which aims to reach out to the community as Romeo and Juliet was performed in the same venue to audiences of students, school children and the elderly. It was the representatives for Derwent Rebecca Chalk and Charlie Kirkbride, however, who resuscitated the initiative this year with the help of Student Action Chair Adam Wiles. Comparatively speaking, they had less time to do it as rehearsals didn’t start until three weeks before the production date. Well, the course of true love never did run smooth.

Using cross-gender casting, a female actor played Puck (Samantha Collier) and this was also the case with Bottom (a superbly comic Zoe Stones) and Oberon (Sarah Waite). Whilst this may have been due to the lack of male auditionees, rather than a moment of inspiration, the choice of casting epitomised the malleability of identity within the play itself.

In the spirit of Student Action, auditions were open to everyone and anyone; those with little experience of student drama and those who did. The result was a cast that was brimming with energy and enthusiasm. There were some strong performances, notably from the lovers, and in particular from James Townsend whose impeccable Demetrius entertained as he strode about the grassy terrain in a failed attempt to rid himself of the fanatical and borderline obsessive Helena (Annie Duffield). The two captured the humour and hilarity of the predicament that is required and so often can lack in performances of the play today. Special mention too should go to ‘The Workers’, in particular to Quince (Michael Appleton) and Bottom (Zoe Stones). If done badly, the sub plot of the play-within-a-play can be an arduous intermission. This was not the case here.

Appleton delighted the audience with his frustrated-genius interpretation, and Stones’ Cockney comic turn rejuvenated the role.

There were a few problems, namely with projection as some voices simply could not reach those sitting further away. Little attention was paid to the set which consisted simply of a Student Action banner and a string of Hawaiian flowers. The most important thing, however, is how the eighty school children responded to the matinee performance: “They enjoyed running around on the grounds and watching the wildfowl. The teachers were very positive, feeling it was a good production and they thoroughly liked the setting. “They also hinted about wanting to attend next year”, said Wiles. The final figure raised from donations was close to £270. Wiles is adamant that not charging students to attend was the right decision. “The play was as much about raising awareness of Student Action on campus… having to buy tickets might have hindered people from attending.” It seems this approach was hugely successful, attracting an unprecedented amount of students. It is not surprising, therefore, that the project will happen again next year and is set to establish itself as one of the highlights of the University’s calendar.

Sophie Davies

The National Theatre is currently in its Travelex £10 season, phone 020 7452 3000

LISTINGS

WHAT NOT TO MISS THIS SUMMER Lee Evans, Grand Theatre Leeds, 3rd July.

One of Britain’s best-loved comedians stops at Leeds on his largest tour to date. Hurry – tickets are selling fast! All tickets £29.50.

The Railway Children, 18th July23rd August, York Theatre Royal have teamed up with the National Railway Museum to bring you a magical adaptation of a heart-warming story starring Stirling Single, a 39 tonne steam locomotive!

Opera Soc's Debut Last weekend, Opera Soc. staged their first full-scale opera. And not just one, but two!

Presenting Britten’s heart-warming oneSnake in the Grass, Stephen act opera, “The Little Sweep” alongside Joseph Theatre, until 22nd Kurt Weill’s “Down in the Valley”, they August. couldn’t have chosen a more contrasting, Take a trip to the seaside and and compelling, double bill. combine it with a visit to Alan Using different casts, orchestras, and Ayckbourn’s very own theatre. His directors for the two works, this was an impressive display of young musicomedy Snake in the Grass, directcians tackling some notoriously difficult ed by Ayckbourn himself, is guarmaterial. Several had impressively trained voices, others had anteed to have you in stitches. sweeter sounds, and the combination was what really made the Tickets £9-£18.50 production. While the prospect of three songs sung entirely by the unprepared audience was intimidating to begin with, the spectators pulled it off, and Britten’s idea added another dimension to this rather cosy, fireside opera.

Fiona Constantine as the buxom, tyrannical housekeeper, Miss Baggott, sang with a strong, rich sound, and Lauren Shepherd’s touching arias were beautifully delivered with pathos and particular skill in the higher register. Director Francesca Geach obviously spotted the twee nature of the opera and, with five young women playing children’s parts with unselfconscious gaiety, the production was lively and very well executed.

The Grand Tour, York Art Gallery, “Down in the Valley”, directed by Hannah Witcomb, took on a until 28th September. larger scale altogether, the action framed by an ominous noose If you feel that you haven’t been at the back of the stage. There were some delightful vocal cameos from members of the chorus including Robert Williams as arty enough this year, this is a Southern preacher and Thomas Bouché as the evil admirer of your final chance to make use Jennie. Anna Edgington as Jennie, however, stole the show with of York’s stunning art gallery her gentle and sincere portrayal of the role. Having Weill’s lush – without even going inside! The arias working in her favour, the purity of her voice nevertheless National Gallery and York Art shone out against the more robust vocals of a great chorus. And Gallery have placed world famous what Ben Crawley as Brack Weaver lacked in oomph, he made up paintings in the streets of York for in his focused tenor voice. Conductor Neil Thomas Smith did a for all to see. superb job with these two productions, leading an intimate ensemble for the Britten, the haunting and prominent string sound revelling in the composer’s dissonant beauty. For the Weill, a 25piece orchestra meant that his jazzy score filled the Jack Lyons Concert Hall, the Appalachian strains to the music adding to its expansive beauty.

Two operas produced by a student company is no small feat and was a means of introducing audience members and cast to operas that they had perhaps not encountered before. Let’s hope someone carries the beacon for Opera Soc. next year.

Anna Wormleighton

SPOTLIGHT

MUSIC

FILM

TV

BOOKS

CULTURE

LISTINGS

regulars MONDAYS

Speed Quizzing £1.50per player Orgasmic 8.30pm further unnecessary week gouging cold f form follows function, it is goose faeces out of their shoes once must one e shap unclear what exams are over. Homesick first years r neve presently take. Despite run back to the ranch for real food accepting obsolete status as a final and a temp job. Ever yone else can’t answer, the prospects for a term time ing be bothered to commit to anyth bubus events page after the camp morning the in up ng waki than more not ble has been fatally pricked are and in the interest of saving time look graduate-scheme-golden-handshake to into getting themselves hooked up puntng getti great. Let’s face it, even r than fillrathe But drip. ol alcoh an ers in Week 10 is an oeuvre. All those ing this page with a (truly obsolete) y graduating have cleared off for jaunt s spiel about the sold-out Big-D, here’ into ly brief ing Tenerife breaks, popp arts, the dedistalw the for on beac a ted the Racecourse to deposit diges cated, those here ‘til the sweet end. hot dogs on fairground rides and then And not willing to be undersold, we’ve in ing resid ne Anyo get Bjorn Again.

SS got your summer covered too. a spend foreign climes has no desire to

If the conventional and somewhat humdrum question and answer, pen and paper routine isn’t enough for your super-fast cranium then check out the Orgasmic action. Get your wireless buzzer and leave other quizzers eating your questionable dust.

I

week 10

TUESDAY

The Shambles V/045

24.06 FRIDAY

£1.50 The Zutons 7:30pm Dalby Forest

Never has comedy been more shambolic, well, not since they last did this anyway.

York’s own improvised comedy troupe is back with Whose Line is it Anyway?-style frolics from the people who brought you Have I Got News For York. Plagiarism aside, it should be, by definition, a laugh.

Hecklers will be encouraged.

Black Comedy Black Swan Inn

£3NUS 8.15pm

Exploiting the linguistic connections between the words 'historical' and 'hysterical' may be going the right way about sucking the marrow out of your funny bone, but don’t give up on this one yet.

Scanning the blurb, the organiser seems like a peppy fellow, they’ve got two acts and a headliner, and there’s a bottle of wine for the winner of the ‘increasingly filthy joke competition’. Give the twelve year-old inside you an alcoholic pat on the back.

WEDNESDAY

25.06

The Soldier's Tale £3 Jack Lyons Concert Hall 7.30pm

Stravinsky's music and Swiss writer Ramuz's story based on a Russian folk tale combined and crafted into a speech, mime and dance spectacular. Private Folk Tale returns home on leave, has a dalliance with Lucifer and swaps his violin for a psychic book. You don’t need to be a foretelling tome to know that this is going to be special.

Moth and Insect Night York Cemetery

£2.50 9pm

It’s National Insect Week: you’re buzzing aren’t you? With that misdemeanour out of the way and relegated to the division of our hysterical friends at the Black Swan, there’s space to really give this one wings (I can’t stop). With a multimedia show and a walk, there’s no sting in the tail here (it’s a sickness).

THURSDAY

26.06

Psychic Fair Dean's Bar Goodramgate

£2 1pm

Stop your gaze from sliding haughtily on, there’s free stuff afoot. As must be expected there’ll be stalls, readings and healings (they’re very keen on emphasising the Aloe Vera), plus the bonus of our old friend atmospheric sound and image projection. Whoever said "there’s no such thing as a free lunch" didn’t have ‘the sight’ - it’s totally gratis when you buy a drink between 1 and 3pm.

27.06

£26 7pm

Yes, this one foxed your intrepid social life reporter as well. After affirming it wasn’t a hoax on the part of someone who wishes that the indie quintet would go and get tired of hanging around in a forest, it was discovered that they are playing many woodland dates across the country. As Dalby Forest is uttered doubtfully among you, be mindful that the heir apparent to Wembley is hosting The Quo on Saturday as well.

Farmers' Market Parliament Street

Free All Day

It seemed appropriate to give farmers some airtime. You’ll probably need a bit of fresh produce to get things moving after a year of eating things that come with a film lid and a science lab shopping list on the side. All right, you can try before you pretend to buy. They say sample, so just remember its not Jumbo’s and abide by the laws of reasonable consumption.

SATURDAY

28.06

Saturday Night Sunday.... £8.50 York Theatre Royal 7.30pm It’s another all-you-can-eat musical.

Indescribable joy unbounded. Anything goes when Mary Poppins and her cats Miss Saigon and Oliver hop on the carousel to the little shop of horrors in Oklahoma. If you cringed at that then you should definitely take le 'rain check' miserable.

York Symphony Orchestra Jack Lyons Concert Hall

£3 8pm

Summer sounds with Schumann’s Spring symphony. Alliteration and contradiction aside, there’s also Honegger’s Pastorale d’eté and the highly decorated Alexandra Dariescu. That rogue Fauré heads the bill with his elegant and witty Masques and Bergamasques.

SUNDAY

Jazz Night Mardi Gras York Cemetery

29.06 £7.50 7pm

We’re back in the cemetery (hopefully our penultimate visit) for a Mardi Gras and jazz jamboree. The band is certified "delightful". Gates open at 6pm for privileged picnickers and the seemingly light-hearted event comes with a stern warning: no discount for friends. All nice and summery and convivial then.

TUESDAYS

extra curricular

JULY

Mighty Boosh Festival Hop Farm, Kent

Salsa Classes Bobo Lobo

05 AUGUST £50

X-Files: I Want to Believe In Cinemas

01

The much heralded comedy festival comes to Hop Farm, Kent, with Jarvis Cocker, Har Mar Superstar, Peaches and Ross Noble in tow. With Naboo doing palm readings and Borrell and Doherty facing off about playing the event, Barrett and Fielding will be having the last laugh over the ticket sales.

Mulder and Scully are dragged wheezing and dribbling out of retirement one last time (unless the cash cow needs flogging again), zimmer frames scraping the ground. The plot of X-Files: I Want to Believe has been kept under wraps with a monger’s worth of red herrings, but like the title, we hope for a good-un.

Highlight: Billy Connolly has a cameo.

Out of this world.

Mamma Mia In Cinemas

AUGUST

JULY

11

Meryl Streep, Colin Firth and Pierce Brosnan star in the film version of the ABBA-fest. As the Prada-clad devil, Mr Darcy and Bond thank you for the music, pulling in the teenaged (and upwards) punters will be Dakin from The History Boys, voulez-vous indeed.

JULY

£10+

The Doctor warps back to the Stratfordupon-Avon stage to grapple with the role of the Danish Prince. Vision favourite Patrick Stewart is also in gravitating attendance as Claudius. My Captain, what a tardis of talent.

JULY

The great summer contrast, the sublime and the awful stand together in theatres across the city. Famous Drama Barn thespians take their Belt Up to Edinburgh for a residence. Get involved.

24 ONWARDS SEPTEMBER

David Tennant's Hamlet Stratford-upon-Avon

24-27

Secret Garden Party £125 Huntingdon, Cambridgeshire

Admittedly, forking out £125 for something that is quite within its rights by description to be no more than a gate (if you’re lucky) and a few trees shading warm cider is a big ask. However, there’s a lovely tinkly website that actually has you thinking you might enter some kind of storybook medieval village and promises Alphabeat and Kissy Sellout. Down the garden path are new personal heroes 2 Many Wedding DJs.

03-25

Edinburgh Fringe Festival Edinburgh

Disaster Movie In Cinemas

05 7.45pm

The interminable franchise has no intention of pressing the self-destruct button any time in the near celluloid future.

As long as Spielberg et al keep making them, the parody train will keep on tooting. The Day After Tomorrow and Sex and the City are among those taking hits. Warm yourself with the knowledge that it's keeping Carmen Electra in clean socks.

OCTOBER

13

Flashdance: The Musical £15 Grand Opera House 7:30PM Yes… see you there. I’ll be the one cloaked in my own embarrassment for an hour and fifty seven minutes until inevitably the rhythm gets me and I’m on stage banging water soaked chairs and dancing like a female welder turned night-time maniac.

£4NUS 7pm

They're going to great pains to convince us that they're York's longest running and only professionally trained Salsa teachers. Just as well then, because you're going to get great pains learning it.

Blackout FreeNUS B411PM/£2-3 Ziggy's 10pm At least Ziggy’s has finally gone the honest route and told you before hand that yes, you will be plunged into damp darkness once you’ve picked your way down a precarious staircase. It is then reasonable to make the assumption that you will be forced into the personal space of others and not be entirely confident of what lies under your feet.

Blinding.

WEDNESDAYS

Open Mic Night The Locomotive

Free 8.15pm

Free supper and raffle. Oh, and open mic.

THURSDAYS

Vanbrugh Bar Quiz V Bar

Free 8.30pm

With bounty like Gallery q-jumpers and Bacon themed rounds, how can you say no? Teams limited to six players so that you can’t completely plunder Vanbrugh’s resources.

FRIDAYS Fruity Leeds Union Stylus...

£5/4adv 10.30pm

Billed as a party for all students and their mates, this lot are going to have a bit of a job on their hands pleasing everyone. But wait, three rooms and they've got Chris Martin (still not that one) back again; I stand corrected.

Bourne Live The Melbourne

Free 9pm

The Melbourne’s had a makeover and the lead singer from York band The Summits is hosting an open mic night there every week. Anything more showy than a piano or guitar must be provided by the performer.

SATURDAYS

Central Beatz vs Curves £3/5otd Leeds Union Mine 10pm

Every 2nd Saturday of the month an arrangement of drum and bass DJs will face off until 4am.

SUNDAYS

The Otherside of Comedy... £8 CityScreen Basement 7pm Much celebrated Sunday night comedy club. Usually featuring two guest comedians. Laugh it up.

All times, prices and events correct and seemed fun at the time of writing.

Vision cannot be held responsible for your lack of enthusiasm. Go and read a book.

16

YORK VISION

YUSU

Tuesday June 24th, 2008

Well, what a year it has been! This is a quick round up of all the best bits of the year and the achievements of The University of York Students’ Union. I’d like to take this chance to thank you for all your involvement and participation. This is your union. These are your achievements.

Have a brilliant summer and good luck to all those graduating.

- Anne-Marie and the YUSU Executive

AUTUMN TERM – a 1. NUS Referendum 9 record turnout of 1,38 rs’ 2. A sell out Freshe ust Week, with moreYUSU dents attending before events than ever SU 3. The biggest YUlots Fair ever, with creasin societies of hip em ing their m bers e4. Success for our m e th dia societies at wards Guardian Media A us 5. Launch of the 21g Pl am Association, helpin York ture students at tation get the represen serve and forum they de eek 6. Student Action W yet st – the biggest and be

DID YOU KNOW...

SPRING TERM 1. Achieving a 9% ty’s bursary budget increase in the UniversiUniversity from le for students coming to ss-well-off backgrou nds 2. A more in dept for people involved h training programme in Union activities 3. Collecting a m assive £4,000 in one day at the RAG Parade, part of the very successful RAG Week 4. Organising York’s first ever Sport Relief Mile 5.

Increasing turnout at the annual Executive Elections from 1,723 to 3,703 6. Passing two new pi

by York students, at theces of policy, as voted on e NUS Annual Confere nce

That over 250 stun lu o v ly r la u g e r s t n de y it n u m m o c e h t in teer with YUSU Student Action?

YORK VISION

YUSU

Tuesday June 24, 2008

SUMMER TERM in1. Achieving a 30% m rs crease in society nuingbe four as well as introduc ubs brand-new sports cl e2. Getting lots of soorciking w ties and colleges t together on the Studen Action Mural 3. Passing a new conaa stitution at UGM, vita tion ul consensual cons process, and allowinfogrthe Union to move me ward in years to co 4. Involvement in the recent protest for aover Langwith bar hand ith in October 2008, w over 150 protestors mmarching through ca pus to Heslington Hall

17

COMING SOON 1. A new impro programme, begved Sports Volunteer inning October 2 008 2. A new Accred societies, sports itation Scheme for projects and JCRclubs, volunteer the York Award Cs in association with 3. An even big Week, includingger and better Freshers focussed events more non-alcoholic 4. The first stu e nt-run bar and c ing venue on cadm aterpus!

ith exam stress w ts en ud st 0 00 1, nd 5. Helping arou k in Keep Your Cool wee – and achieving a top ) (! ay aw – es os R ng 6. Winni 50 BUSA finish ds rvisor of the Year awar pe Su e th g in ch un La 7. h the first Summer it w ts en ev t ea gr e or 8. Running m out Summer Ball Viking Raid and a sellr two weeks in the year fo FM on Y R U to g in 9. Listen ary of their 40th annivers (despite the weathck to ds oo W nt ia ill br 10. Another er)

That thanks to negotiations spearheaded

by YUSU that there’ll e iv t u c e x E s ’ U S U tY a h T be a pharmacy comh ig h e h t d a h s n io t c le E ing to campus next t u o n r u t e g a t n e c r e p est year? in the country?

LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION Tuesday June 24, 2008

V

18 LIFESTYLE

8 1 P

>STYLE

>DRINK

>FOOD

>TRAVEL

GOODBYE YORK

OY B Y LA !

P S U ALE As the end of the academic year nears, Rachel Knox and Josie Whittle lay down a few P M CA HE FIN simple ideas to make sure you don't let the York blues get you down.

- T

P20 A* GCSE FASHION

1 2 P BUDGET CHALLENGE

A D I R FLO FUN

P22

The last week is here and we’re all hungover from that last night in Tru, panicking about exams and desperately trying to reach the word count on those last minute assignments. As the year ends, we need to pack and figure out how to explain the amount of stuff we’ve managed to accumulate in three terms as our dads try to stuff it all into the boot of the car. Well relax; Vision is here to ensure the last week in York (for 14 whole weeks!) and the summer that lies ahead is stress free and as enjoyable as possible. Here are 6 fail-safe ideas to prevent any dark spells:

1.

2.

Do as much as possible

Take the 3 club challenge and visit the 3 greats this week (bonus points if you go to Summer Ball and Big D aswell) . For the more adventurous why not ban yourelf from your usual haunts and visit only new pubs and bars in a last minute attempt to fully soak up the best, worst, and remote parts of York.

Throw it away

You will have acquired excess rubbish: fact. Be ruthless when it comes to packing as it will save you hassle when you get home. If it is too precious to chuck, whack it in a bin bag or track down some cardboard boxes and packing doesn't have to be a time consuming nightmare.

Sorting and folding can wait till hometime: there's better things to be doing.

for now 3. Goodbye...

Goodbyes are never easy so make sure these aren't the last ones you say to your housemates as you scatter across York next term. Find out where everyones living now and then you'll know where to head to next term.

Don't forget to say goodbye to your favourite campus haunts with a sentimental ritual, come next year it will have lost that charm, so cherish it while you have it

6.

4.

5. Virtual York

ROAD TRIP!!

Can't stand being seperated from your newly found friends over the summer months?

Check out www.megabus.co.uk for bargain coach trips across the U.K. Alternatively www.qjump.co.uk makes it easy to see the cheapest train fares meaning if home gets a little dull it couldn't be more convienient to get away!

Why not allow your home friends a taste of York by taking them down to the local park to engage in some classic duck banter.

Whether it be chasing, feeding, antagonizing or running away in fear, surely nothing is going to remind you of York more than speniding some quality time with our feathered friends.

Digital Loving

If megabus is just too darn pricey for you, or you are unfortunate enough to live in the darkest corner of Wales with only a pit pony for transport, why not dust off the ol'web cam and hold a crosscounty tea party.

Daily emails, are probably too much, no need to show your friends you have nothing better to do, but a twice weekly report will fill those long work days.

What to look forward to this week...

TUE: Luau Party at the Deramore Arms, hosted by Happily Ever After Soc WED: YUSU Summer Ball, with Alphabeat THU: Derwent College's Big D, featuring Pendulum

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday June 24, 2008

19

S N O I S S E F N OF A CAMPUS PLAYBOY CO We say farewell to Vision's most popular and prodigious ladies' man

(N.B. The italicized passages have been written by a close friend of the Campus Playboy.)

Good afternoon, readers.

After an absence of two issues, it is with the deepest regret that I must announce that, on the 20th of June, due to unforeseen circumstances, the Playboy passed away. Luckily, I managed to break into his love lair and piece together the drawings and doodlings of York’s most notorious love-maker. In his own immortal words, I suggest that you sit back and put the Cristal on ice as I share with you the final Confessions of a Campus Playboy: The past couple of weeks have been troubling for the city’s premier playboy; firstly, there was the stress of final exams and secondly, my knackers have been aching and flaking.

Every morning, for the past few days, I have gazed down at the old sausage and scotch eggs and, to be brutally honest, those savoury treats have seen better days. I let the little fella nestle in my hand and ran him through my fingers, but the throbbing and aching was relentless. Something was seriously wrong; the butcher certainly wouldn’t be taking this sausage to market. My concern

had escalated, as I decided to book myself into the GUM clinic for Friday morning. I would not, however, let this affect the final Gallery of term, and still fully intended to hit the nightclub hard the night before, ‘I may only be getting a third in my degree, but I’m gonna get a first on the dancefloor,’ I said to myself.

Getting ready for the night was understandably exciting, as my head filled with thoughts of boobs and vaginas and stuff. I ironed my best shirt and trousers, wrapped my chapped penis in a wet paper towel and headed out for a big night. I arrived at the pub at about 8pm, scratched my balls and ordered my first tropical VK of the night.

With every sip, the pain in my crotch subsided, and I slapped on my game face. Suddenly, the bar became a bakery; and the women were the bread. I thought to myself: ‘the baker has certainly baked a delicious batch tonight. And I need a sandwich’, as I smelled out a nice granary loaf. I wandered across to her and told her: ‘I would like to slice you up and smear butter and jam all over you’. Initially, she was understandably concerned and gestured to the bouncers, but after I explained my metaphor about bread and made a little joke

VISION'S VIXENS and their

about how much she was making my yeast rise, she called off the muscle.

A few more sugary vodka drinks later and we were ready for Gallery, just managing to avoid the ridiculous queues. As soon as I entered, my balls ceased throbbing as she began bumping and grinding against me. Her legs were slim, slender and smooth; I could tell all this because my big hand was running up and down her thigh. We danced for about an hour and by this point had got our sweat on something rotten. I told her I some liquid refreshment and she came and sat by the bar whilst I enjoyed my lager. It was at this point she turned to me and whispered, ‘my body is an old wood wind instrument, do you know how to play?’ I turned to her and said, ‘you’re in luck, baby, because I got to level 3 at recorder in primary school…and anyway, it’s all about blowing hard and placing your fingers over the right holes, isn’t it?’

With that she picked up her bag, held my hand and led me outside. Within a matter of minutes we were in a taxi heading back to my house. I led her upstairs and we began to tear off each other’s clothes. We were both down to our panties when,

suddenly, I remembered the wet toilet roll bandage I had used to soothe my sore widge. Shit! She was already kissing my stomach, and I knew she’d probably be a bit freaked out if she saw it without explanation. I decided to call on all my experience over the years and delivered what I thought was a great line (under the circumstances): ‘Tonight, baby, you are Indiana Jones, and my pants are the Temple of Doom. Inside you will find the mummified remains of an Egyptian Prince. Unwrap the dressing to reveal the goodies.’

I’ll be honest; I wasn’t really sure how this line would go down, but - bless her - she was absolutely trashed, and seemed intrigued.

She pulled down my pants, and out flopped my bandaged bell-end.

Undeterred, she began to unwrap it and placed it in her hand. The situation had not improved. It sat there in her palms, and she said it felt like a pumice stone, or an exterior brick wall. I told her she should dip her fingers in the yoghurt pot filled with water and lather it up, but she was having none of it. Her intrigue had subsided, and she had evidently sobered up. She took one last look at my crispy cock and decided it was time to leave. With that,

she skulked off into the night, and took with her my heart. I once again gazed down at my now flaccid flaking penis and decided enough is enough, I’m getting you looked at tomorrow.

Friday the 20th of June was when I went with the Playboy to the GUM clinic. He looked nervous and apprehensive, and he knew something wasn’t right.

He spent about half an hour with the doctor, who took some tests, and gave him his results in a brown, sealed envelope. We went outside to get some fresh air. As we walked he slowly took out the letter: he read it, and looked over his shoulder back at me.

It was at that moment that a double-decker bus came hurtling round the corner and knocked him down. His body landed in the street, cold and motionless. He died on impact.

I guess the moral of this story is: check the road before you cross it, because you might get run over.

Oh, and practice safe sex, too.

Women of York: lay down your pepper spray and rape alarms as we say goodbye to York’s first and only serial love-maker. He was the Campus Playboy, and you, as always, have been a captivated audience. Goodnight.

STUDENT STUNNERS Adam Whybray

Julia Sykes

YEAR: 3rd COLLEGE: James STATUS: Single SUBJECT: English writing & performance

YEAR: 1st COLLEGE: Halifax STATUS: In a relationship SUBJECT: Education

GET THE LOOK:

GET THE LOOK:

T-shirt: TK Maxx

Jeans: Topshop

Kilt: V Festival (3 yrs ago)

Shoes: Topshop

Shoes: "What, these?! I don't know!"

Bag: Miss Selfridge

Quote: “I was thinking of making a Bad Taste parody magazine, full of features that were actually in poor taste. Things like dead animal photoshoots or torture method of the week...”

Necklace: Miss Selfridge Reaction upon being asked: “Oh, wow, really... I hate having my picture taken!”

20 LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday June 24, 2008

SEASONS IN THE SUN?

STYLE

Eman Akbar on the new vogue for cruise collections and its impact on the way we dress to today

W

elcome to a trend of trans-seasonal fashion: Rain in June with open toe gladiator sandals, icy autumn mornings with short sleeve afternoons and wet wintry mornings in January with thigh high shorts. Coats no longer represent a shivering cold winter, bikini’s a sweaty summers day and thick woollen boots a snowy white December. The world is only becoming smaller, travelling becoming cheaper and cries for a versatile wardrobe becoming louder. Creating a need to be dressed for summer in winter and autumn in spring. For those that do not travel global warming is causing enough erratic weather changes in one season at home.

ASOS online and Topshop in stores now have a year round swimwear section.

Vogue dedicates a whole page to a pink knee length coat by Giambattista Valli ‘to lift your summer’.

Is there sanity in these claims or are they merely a forceful mechanism to create a niche in the market? … Let us investigate!

In the thick fog of global

warming coincided with an economic slum it is not shocking for the fashion market to have been affected by weather and by finance; it’s effects has created a trend of trans-seasonal fashion. Fashion designers have to adapt: “to the reality that there is no strong difference between Summer and Winter any more,” Beppe Modenese, founder of Milan Fashion Week, told The New York Times.

The needs of customers are changing, as are they geographically, with the fall of the dollar, the fashion market is in a state of transition, Russia, China and Middle Eastern countries are the biggest consumers of the fashion market. So many different desires for different climates. Thus enters the high fashion trend of trans-seasonal fashion.

Customers are more likely to purchase an expensive item if they are able to justify that they can wear it for more then a week they seek versatility, diversity and individuality all at once.

Harriet Quick, fashion features director of Vogue UK says: “we’ll start to see a move toward what you could call trans-seasonal

or all-year-clothing.” key trends were once upon a time clear but now it’s all a different story altogether.

This is a moment not only for tailored, asymmetric but also flared clothing. Colour palates have not been pardoned, we can see bright and dark colours, sailor stripes and artistic canvas famously demonstrated

by Miu Miu and Dolce and Gabana. Romance and safari is also a notable trend best demonstrated by Yes Saint Laurent and as it seems vintage, floral and retro is here to stay. But what is exciting about these trends is that they can easily be implemented into any item of clotting for any season be it a sweater or a swimsuit, they are simply trans-seasonal.

Away from all this global, international talk, let us travel to a beautiful shire close to our fashionable hearts called York. Where else are we to experience such erratic behaviour by the weather? In June it seems like the Sun is playing a game of hide and seek and simultaneously having a water fight amongst the clouds as if to test our fashionable strength of accommodating to climate change,

and taunting us for our negligence of global warming.

Although this may be a time of trans-seasonal fashion it is a time for accessories to sparkle. This is the day and age of extravagant larger then life accessories. The bigger the bag, the better the edgier the shoe the more heads you will turn. But how are we to choose with so much on display. The key points to remember are: versatility, can I wear it when it rains and when it is sunny?

Diversity: can I dress it up or down depending on the event? individuality: does it represent my attitude?

Think trans-seasonal, think leather or waterproof floral bags by Cath Kidston for rain or the beach.

Think retro ankle high socks with sexy strapy sandals for chilly cold nights.

This way you can create great looks easily form accessories you have readily available. Being resourceful is being fashionable. If we can get more wear out of what we buy, then why shall one argue with that!

Cardigan, Topshop £32

Banana Republic Summer Dress, New Look £25

Woolie Hat, from waptiwoolies. com Cotton KneeHigh socks, sock shop £3.97 Cath Kidston weekender bag, £60

Gladiator Sandals, Kurt Geiger £130

NO PLAIN WHITE TEES

Joanne Rea and Rachel Knox explore the fusion of art and fashion in illustration and graphics t-shirts ...

Fashion in itself is an art form. The things we wear are designed to perfection, putting outfits together is truly a skill that many do not acquire! Designers use different fabrics, stitching and textures to express their own imagination and artistic skills. But what about a designer who doesn’t necessarily design a garment but who puts their imagination into illustration and prints this onto a garment? This season sees many artists launching into the fashion world with their bold and funky designs, by merely putting

their illustrations on a t-shirt.

Wearing a t-shirt you know has a background of imagination, originality and substance is surely more captivating that pulling a t-shirt with buttons on off a shelf in Topshop? Representing the work of an artist in your outfit is a more tempting option than your usual plain vest top. Whilst scouring the internet to seek out some of these bewitching designs we came across Juju’s delivery, which was founded by Berlinbased artist Julia Schonlau.

Studying at Media Art at

London’s Chelsea College, Schonlau went on to study illustration and character design. The character design really comes out in some of her work, which is both unique and very endearing.

Knowing where your clothes come from is always the beauty of an outfit. Expelling your artistic talents into the fashion world is proving popular with many artists. And what better way to get your designs out there than have them walking around on peoples T-shirts?

Rose Blake is another artist

who has unleashed her talents into the fashion world with her school-esq designs making an appearance on tshirts, and like many other artists, a lot more. Blake’s designs are very diverse making them eligible for more than just t-shirts, she’s gone one step further than most and is illustrating for the lingerie company Pussy Glamore. Check out designbyhumans.com for more creative and unusual designs. The site offers young budding artists a chance to display their illustrative talents on some great custom design T-shirts.

So if you’re looking for something a bit more original this season, illustration tees are edgy, unique, and you won’t need to worry about someone standing next to you in a gig wearing the same high street style. Couture catwalk fashion is beautifully creative, but if you’re looking for something affordable yet imaginative then illustration tees provide a perfect middle- man between designer and high street.

Newton, £20, concrete hermit

60 degree boxes, £25 from concrete hermit

Juju Delivery illustrations

Rose Blake's illustrations

Smactick by Jon Burgerman, £25, concrete hermit

LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION Tuesday June 24, 2008

21

STYLE CAN'T SPEAK FRENCH (GCSE)

Immy Willetts lets the funky outfits do the talking, with the help of classroom favourite 'Encore Tricolore' ...

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his summer, York, we are ready to take the hackneyed geek-chic look a step further. Instead of a contrived Hoxtonhero in Jarvis glasses, we are celebrating the underrated style of the greasy-haired baggy t-shirted students of our French GCSE textbooks. Yes that’s right, in your final seminars before the end of term rather than looking enviously at the smug girl in an overtly styled Topshop uniform, take a minute to admire the true ‘geeks’, those who are confident enough to wear a rucksack, take a laptop to a lecture, or (God forbid) eat in Vanbrugh alone. These people are the real style heroes.

Their look certainly channels (no pun intended!) the suburban French teenager from the 90s. We’re thinking extremely baggy T-shirts (with compulsory wacky prints and patterns), enjoy searching through Expressions for some ironic band t-shirts in lurid colours.

Ditch your chic handbag in favour of a back pack or bum-bag for nights out, American Apparel does a great one in a range of colours. Accessorize with tacky key-rings, senKipling backpack, £83 and pencilcase, £13

Pastel-coloured cotton hi-tops, £25, Office

timental badges and a horrendously 'cringe' smile. By taking the arrogance out of fashion, their wholesome style is reassuringly un-sexy, something we should embrace at a time when we are pressured into wearing clothes only to impress the opposite sex.

In this Nathan Barley–esque rejection of ‘cool’, maybe ditch your ipod in favour of a geekier disc or walkman, and celebrate the completion of a particularly challenging stint in key-texts by singing along to some 90’s French rap … on campus and by yourself.

Chocker necklaces, novelty earrings and scrunchies (preferably in velor) are of utmost importance, and definitely check out Claire’s Accessories for nostalgic teenage geekdom.

Nylon Cordura Fanny Pack, £9 from American Apparel

These French teenagers also show no apparent consideration in dressing for your figure, with the importance on comfort rather than flattery (– what would Grazia say??). Particularly Topshop's Denim Dress which (for total nerdiness) should be worn a size too big. Certainly lots of these trends echo the current indie fashions, such as denim jackets, large plaid shirts, leggings etc but without reinventing them as fashionable or looking like you're trying too hard these connotations can be lost. Instead teaming them with flat (read: brushed) hair and uncool accessories you can avoid looking like a Gallery-indie-room ‘scenester’.

Denim dress, £65, Topshop

Orange tee, £8, Topshop

Necklace, ladyluckrulesokay.com, £8

Sony D-EJ001 CD Walkman (Green), from Amazon.com

Helen Nianias puts the often ridiculed Eddy Monsoon on this issues sartorial pedestal...

Taking refuge under the term 'fashion victim' is, on reflection, extremely comforting. By investing very little of your actual self in your image, you expose only the preposterous clothes you wear to ridicule, rather than yourself. By smothering herself in Lacroix bodysuits and hanging obscene jewellery from herself, Eddy never once allows her appearance to be anything other than her appearance. Her clothes do not conform to the realities of her life; her serious daughter, her frustrating mother, her lone friend, her bizarrely undemanding job. Instead, she channels the image of a twenty-something with an incredible party-filled social life and a body to die for.

The trouble with fashion versus age seems to be that many many clothes are marketed at younger

people who haven’t got the money to buy Chanel boots, rather than the older women who are more likely to be able to afford them. Eddy’s style refuses to acknowledge this flaw in fashion logic, and she bravely defies society’s perception of what she 'should' be wearing 'at her age.'

The patronising attitude we seem to have cultivated towards women who can no longer produce children (what’s the point of a woman without functioning ovaries?) is startlingly outlined by Eddy’s wardrobe. We are confronted with the reality of a woman with a (tiny) bit of a middle-aged spread in sprayon trousers. What do we do?

Ridicule her. No longer, York.

Her wardrobe may be vulgar, brash and go out of date faster than a carton of milk left in the sun, but whatever.

By wearing the clothes she wears despite being “wrong” for them, Eddy allows us to see the fashion industry as the ugly beast it can sometimes be.

Bearing this in mind, the Ab Fab attitude towards fashion is timeless.

You may not feel the need to take it on board today, tomorrow, or in five years time,

Any concept of consistency in dressing is also resolutely ignored, if you enjoy a plethora of styles; why not wear them all at once?

Peruse York’s second hand clothes shops (Help the Aged, YMCA, Age Concern etc) for truly unique and brilliantly questionable outfits that just scream ‘yes, I’m partial to the odd family bike ride … and what of it?’

Office do a brilliant pair of nerdy-teenager-

ABSOLUTELY HAG-ULOUS Whoever invented the idea that 'growing old gracefully' is something that we should aspire to should be shot. BBC comedy Ab Fab shows us younger women what we should do once we hit pre-menopause: get a partner in crime, get drunk, get some painfully of-the-moment clothes.

Preferably clothes designed for a woman twenty years younger and twenty pounds lighter.

tries-to-be-cool high tops in turquoise. Wear these with your badly-fitting jeans and a brightly colored bomber jacket. Whilst advocating a filpant attitude to fashion, 'Encore Tricolore' appears to favour metiulously matched make-up and clothes. For example if you are going to wear make-up, match your nail varnish to your shoes. And bag. Or match your purple eyeshadow to your top.

But make-up need not be worn regularly by any means. The emphasis should be on one thing at once, be it orange lipstick or bright eyeshadow.

but perhaps when you are a 'woman of a certain age' and are sick to the back teeth of Ghost-inspired drapey fabrics, the colour 'fog' and shawls to cover wobbly upper arms, you may feel the need to take a leaf out of Eddy’s book. Maybe.

Comptoir des Cotonniers, Mac £111

Steal Her Style Nothing says 'I went to Chelsea Art School in the 60s' like wavy bohemain hair.

Tigi's Bed Head Superstar, £9.40, should help

Worried that a boiler suit won't flatter? Who cares? It's Chloe, darling.

Onesie, £160, See by Chloe, net-a-porter.com

Badges, from dowlis.com

As standard at work, parties, seminars, or even your early morning walk onto campus. Ideally, the other hand would sport a cigarette.

22LIFESTYLE

YORK VISION

Tuesday June 24, 2008

FOOD&DRINK

LET THE HEDGE-FUND YOUR DINNER TONIGHT the

Hot list Highwa Robber y y Foraging is not just for vegetarians. In fact, people nationwide are searching the country’s roads for some meat on the cheap...

In an interview with the Independent ‘Fergus the Forager’, a wild food enthusiast from the south west said, "some 10 million birds, 20,000 foxes and 50,000 badgers are killed on the roads every year…that’s about 2,300,000 meals going to waste. And you can do so much with it. I used badger intestines once to make some chipolatas.”

Bangin bangers Ferg!

Lewis Colam and Ollie Harvey go on the forage to prove that there is such a thing as a free lunch...

F

or many campus students Costcutters is the only place to buy food. But the extortionate prices in this little shop can easily leave your bank balance emptier than Nouse's trophy cabinet. In fact, for many, it’s not just the prices that are objectionable. It’s everything from that unnerving child in the window advert with the bowl cut and giant apple whose sister appears to be living in a wine glass, to the loop of deceptive claims of discounted food that blare out of the Tannoy.

Costcutters has got us by the balls.

B

ut it doesn’t have to be like this. It turns out there’s a whole world of free food out there just waiting to be discovered. So let’s stop this fiscal raping. Grab your safari hat and your elephant rifle, Vision’s going back to nature and you’re all invited.

TOP OF THE CROPS: NETTLES

Yumma, Yumma, Yumma

When most people are told that nettles are considered a seasonal delicacy in Sweden they cant be blamed for instinctively thinking, ‘that’s all well and good, but isn’t it because the only thing they’ve got to compete against is Abba and Volvos’. Whilst this is pretty much true it remains to be said that nettles are a remarkable plant and that’s why they’ve won this weeks ‘TOP OF THE CROPS’.

nettle soup • Half a kilo of potatoes • About half a plastic bag of nettles (only the young leaves or ones at the top).

• Big knob of butter • 1 large onion (diced) • 1 clove of garlic • 1 liter of vegetable stock Start by cooking the peeled and diced potatos in boiling water for 10 minutes.

In the mean time start to slowly fry the onion and garlic with the butter in a saucepan.

Now, wash the nettles well and coarsely chop them. Once the onions have started to soften a bit put the nettles in with them for a minute or two. By this time the potatoes should be ready so they can be added along with the stock.

Allow the soup to simmer around for ten minutes and season it with salt and pepper.

Berries are already starting appear in parts of campus

If you’re anything like me you’ll agree there’s nothing like foraging in a rabbit’s hole, but if you want to try something new, why not try road kill as a great way to help stretch your student loan ‘till the end of year.

SOME FINAL ADVISE FROM

CAUTIOUS DAN%

'Hedge Your Bets' My advice is steer clear of mushrooms. Some types are edible but others, like the ‘destroying angel’ for instance, will leave you with anything from rapid breakdown of skeletal muscle tissue to protracted death.

To see the danger of wild food foraging we need look no further than the Roman Emperor Claudius (Famous for conquering Britain in AD 43) who is said to have been murdered by being fed a death cap mushroom.

So, it's important to remember that whilst all mushrooms may be edible, some are only edible once.

Emperor Claudius: No longer a fungi

Re this m e m b e r old w miso g yn estco untry istic whe sayin "Tend n picking g n e tle, an rly you st ettles : r d o pains it stings y ke a netou .G of m rasp it lik for your ettle, eam a an silk r nd it soft emain as s."

ELDERFLOWER CORDIAL Elderflower has got to be one of the best summer drinks. It is really simple to make and tastes great served with fizzy water and ice. However, if you want something a little stronger it can easily be made into a cocktail by adding some gin and even a dash of grapefruit juice.

• 20 heads of elderflower • 1.5KG granulated sugar • 1 liter of water • 2 lemons • 1 orange • 60g of citric acid (available from any chemist) Put the sugar into a saucepan with the water and heat until it dissolves to make a syrup. Now slice the lemons and the orange and add them to the saucepan along with the elderflower heads (having gently washed them).

Finally, stir in the citric acid and leave the whole mixture for 24 hours.

All you need to do now is to pour the mixture through a sieve and store it in a sterilized bottle. This will keep for several months.

Hedgehog Spaghetti carbonara - serves four Ingredients: 500g spaghetti, 30ml olive oil, 250g lean hedgehog, 1 medium onion (chopped), 125ml water, 60ml dry white wine, 4 eggs, 60ml double cream, 100g grated parmesan cheese.

- The first thing to do is to beat the eggs and cream together adding half the parmesan cheese once it has made a paste.

- Secondly, chop your hedgehog into small chunks - In a frying pan, heat the onions untill they go soft and then add the hedgehog chunks.

- Pour in the wine and reduce the heat allowing it to simmer.

- Put the pasta in the boiling water and drain it once cooked.

- Now combine the spaghetti with the egg, cream and cheese mix, finally adding the meat, onions and wine.

- Use the remainder of the parmesan to garnish. Bon appetite.

YORK VISION

LIFESTYLE

Tuesday June 3, 2008

23

TRAVEL

DAY TRIPPER Alex Dale travels to the home of haddock, Grimsby.

THE SUNSHINE STATE

Andy Henrick travels to the capital of fun - Orlando, Florida.

T

hose of you who’ve seen Youngs’ advert have probably deduced that Grimsby’s a pretty fishy place. It does have the reputation of being... well.... pretty grim! Being born in Grimsby and having lived quite close to it all my life, I find myself trying to defend it. But to be honest it’s a pretty futile effort. It’s definitely not the worst place I’ve ever been, but I’d be lying if I said it was nice. Sorry my fellow yellow-bellies, for slating our ‘GY,’ but you can’t say you’re not used to it.

Grimsby has a host of mediocre attractions. Freshney Place is like most other ‘out of town shopping centres,’ except that it’s uniquely in the centre of the town. There’s a variety of shops to keep the girls entertained. For the lads, why not try the National Fishing Heritage Centre? Yeah, thought not. Don’t worry though there is a cinema, but it’s a couple of miles away on the seafront of sunny Cleethorpes. (Grimsby and Cleethorpes started life as two separate towns, but over time they merged into the spectacle that it is today.)

The nightlife in Grimsby and Cleethorpes has its upsides.

For sophisticated lovers of music, who crave the electronic melodies of yesteryear, Reflex in Cleethorpes is for you. It hasn’t got a revolving dancefloor, but it’s much bigger than York’s and it’s regularly filled with Grimsby’s finest...40 year old pervs. Most start on Grimsby’s ‘waterfront’, in bars like Lloyds and Walkabout then move on to Cleethorpes for more bars, then hit the Chavtastic ‘Pier 39’.

If you fancy a culturally enlightening experience then try Hull. But if its good fish and chips your after, Grimsby’s your plaice.

(Couldn’t resist).

A

fter reaching the very depths of your overdraft with the cost of plane tickets, dodging terrorists in the terminal and getting a severe case of ennui from an 8 hour flight, you arrive in the aptly named Sunshine State. After a few moments of shaking a near lethal case of deep vein thrombosis off with a brisk stroll, you realise that it was all worth it.

because these babies are definitely the most fun you could ever have with a seat belt on.

ns o i t c a l Attr

Even those who are prone to whiplash or just prefer to keep their feet firmly on

Anima

Now the question is usually raised as to what you can actually do when you go on holiday, but in this case I believe it’s what can't you do?

With the best theme parks in the world, it’s no wonder Floridians are very rarely not smiling…or looking dazed. For a trip which will send you back to all the good bits of your childhood, the great Universal Studios and the Islands of Adventure are not to be missed. For a mere $117 you can have three days of unlimited admission into either park, having experience after experience of nothing but excitement, wonder and fun. Ok, so it’s not cheap, but it beats a book.

As you wander through the five Islands of A dv e n t u r e y o u

will b e reunited with all your favour- ite comic book and cartoon heroes from the good ol’ days.

Roller coasters such as “Doctor Doom's Fear Fall,” the “Dueling Dragons” and the “Incredible Hulk Coaster” will propel you to a high reached only by the most expensive narcotics. Although for the more vertically challenged, be warned. Height restrictions reaching as far as 5'4’’ apply on the best and most insane rides.

But for everyone else, saddle up

the ground are catered for in this Utopia. With the one and only Sea World, which can be enjoyed for a very reasonable $67.95 unlimited admission for adults through to December 31 2008, you can not be disappointed. Opportunities to count the freckles on a dolphin, take a stroll with a penguin and chat to a polar bear about global warming, surround you in this surreal world. For those roller coaster junkies, dragged away from the other theme parks, who need their daily fix of high flying, vomit inducing fun, there is the Kraken, Orlando’s only floorless roller coaster experience. With all this plus

Rockin 'n' Rollin

Shamu’s all new s h ow “Believe,” you are sure to have a whale of a time.

Even when you simply want to go for a bite to eat you are spoilt for choice. Every type of cuisine ranging from the French “Au

Bon Pain”, the Asian “Asian Too” and the Mexican “Alvarez Mexican Restaurant,” is available to suit a variety of tastes. But the culinary delight does not end there, as many restaurants in this paradise are buffet orientated. This “all you can eat” mentality allows you plenty of freedom to self indulge until your stomach is content and still feel slim amongst the locals.

Florida does A m e r i c a proud by hosting the largest McDonalds restaurant in the world. So if anyone is genuinely “lovin’ it” this is definitely the place to get supersized.

The Floridians have even taken dinner time to a new level and saved you from the dull conversations with your friends about their PPE degree, by providing entertainment whilst you eat! Arabian Nights is a one of a kind eating experience, and for a meagre $45.90, it leaves no room for complaints. As you tuck into a juicy steak, you will be serenaded by some of the world’s most beautiful horses and will be in awe at the incredible stunts presented in this Broadway-style production.

And it gets even better. Not only does this service come with a three course meal, but also unlimited beer, wine and soft drinks. With waitresses filling your glass whilst you watch someone jump from horse to horse, you begin to wonder if Efes should be going that extra

mile for your custom. The question must be asked however, how could a place so brilliant, so intelligent and so switched on to people’s needs, be under the control of a Bush? Quite a pickle.

The locals make you feel very welcome, even if they do question your nationality if you do not speak the Queen’s English.

The only time you ever feel slightly intimidated is when you see a policeman (I refuse to say “cop”) with a real gun sitting in the next row to you in Dunkin Donuts. Stereotypes aside. But then the waitress fills your coffee up and then everything is well again. The only downside to a trip to Florida is the lack of pubs, and the ridiculous age restriction of 21 placed on the purchase of alcohol. But then again, with this much going on, who has time to drink?

Ok, stupid point.

Yet the thought of being drunk on the

Dine in Style

“Dueling Dragons” does bring on a slight headache.

Florida is a trip that people of all ages would thoroughly enjoy and never forget. With the accommodation starting from £14.56pppn in the local town of Kissemmee, there is no excuse not to go. Why am I not there right now?! Oh yes. I can’t afford the plane ticket.

24 SPORT

YORK VISION

Tuesday June 24, 2008

GUESS WHO? Find out at www.yorkvision.co.uk

CASH BOOST FOR COLLEGE SPORT

BY ANDY MCGRATH IT IS BELIEVED THAT, as of next year, each college will be able to provide free regular, weekly practise sessions in college sports for its members.

Revealed recently in a Goodricke open meeting by Chair Joe Clarke, the new scheme – the fine details are still being decided – is thought to be providing a timely cash injection of around £1,000 for each college, allowing them

to block-book certain dates and times on which to hold informal training sessions for any of the college sports. With the focus lying heavily on grassroots-level participation and enjoyment, the rumoured plans are hoped to have a big knock-on effect for sport at York. Vanbrugh Chair Matt Oliver, who was instrumental alongside Alcuin 's Chair Erik O'Connor in putting through the idea, backed the scheme, asserting: “It’s really important

that the provision is there for people to play free sport. It’s not in the pursuit of excellence, we’re not trying to make sporting powerhouses, but we want the opportunity to be there for everyone to play, for everyone to get involved.” He continued: “There’s more chance of the university unearthing a natural talent if there’s more practice. People at college level often go on to play at university level. I think the benefit will be felt for everyone,

at whatever level they are at. For college sport teams, it will mean they can progress further."

The AU are also thought to be in support of the plans: the inclusivity-based concept fits snugly in with incoming President Alex Lacy' election promises. Although unconfirmed thus far, the beneficial proposal is also said to have the backing of several illustrious university officials.

SPORTS SHORTS wicked WHISPERS Which well known Premiership referee recently spent a night at a Thai massage parlour? Bragging to his friends afterwards, we hear that she definitely rubbed him up the right way...

Clash of the titans The dream final has come to fruition: Alcuin and Goodricke - the "Chelsea" and "Manchester United" of college football - both came through their respective semi-finals to bring about a delicious College Cup football final. Alcuin are on the cusp of a rare autumn-spring-summer competition-winning treble, so Goodricke will be even more motivated to derail their victory train with a jolting triumph.

The theatre of dreams for this monumental clash will be the Astroturf on Tuesday Week 10, so come down and see who claims bragging rights for next year.

Hairless wonder Which star university tennis player has got out his razor and brought some Swedish culture to the court? The Ikea lover’s furry ‘tennis balls’ are now balder than Andre Agassi. As long as he gets that extra 1mph on the serve...

Ultimate Frisbee

Athletics

BY JIM NORTON

BY LAURA-LOUISE O'REILLY and LIZZY SCOTT

OVER THE PAST FEW YEARS, Frisbee has rejected it’s reputation as a laid-back summer pastime and evolved into a fast and frenetic sport renamed ‘Ultimate’. Ever found yourself disillusioned by the more traditional sports on offer? Ultimate offers something different and appeals to those who want the emphasis to be on fun.

Incredibly, despite the game becoming professional, it is still self-officiated and needs only a few simple rules to settle contested calls. This fine example of sportsmanship illustrates the good-natured attitude that accompanies the sport and could be the reason why Ultimate is fast becoming the mainstream alternative to rugby and football. Club President and ‘Most Improved Player’, Chetan Padia, believes the attraction lies in the spirit of the game, “[It’s] all about being well-spirited, friendly and generally being nice”.

This year has been successful for the club. Entering into a range of tournaments, the squad has made an effort to establish

themselves in the Ultimate world. In particular, the mixed team’s impressive displays were rewarded with top ten finishes in both the indoor and outdoor nationals.

Competing in Roses recently, Ultimate secured a convincing win indoors, but were subject to a revenge Lancaster win outdoors. The club has continued to grow by hosting the ‘Open Outdoor Nationals’. Organised

by Sally Cannon, the event was a resounding triumph and was frequently complimented on by those in attendance.

The injection of freshers has been a significant factor in improving the squad this year.

Newcomers such as ‘Best Beginner’ Jamie Abernethy and new Ultimate captain Jack Mills have both become important first team members, whilst many others have made the second team.

The club is hoping to be just as fertile for freshers next year.

Whether you are interested in playing, or just want to impress the opposite sex with some Frisbee skills at this summer’s barbecues, give Ultimate a go and you might just enjoy it.

THE UNIVERSITY OF YORK ATHLETIC CLUB has enjoyed a strong summer of racing.

Several athletes competed at the BUSA Indoor Championships in March and then the outdoors in May at Bedford.

Martin Proctor did well to finish fifteenth in the 5km race: especially since it was his first time competing on a track!

Afterwards, he commented: "The level of competiton was impressive and it was a good experience to race against such top athletes, including a former European junior champion."

James College runner Proctor also won both the 1500m and 3000m on sports day, finishing the latter with a cheeky forward roll, and also lapping some people twice.

Jenny Dernie the outgoing club president, competed at both the indoor and outdoor BUSA Championships and also was victorious on Sports Day, in the 400m. Halifaxer Zofia Okuniewska, the club's current social secretary, also competed at the BUSA outdoor championships.

Ultimately not in the same

league as university athletic heavyweights such as Loughborough and UWIC, York's athletes had to contend with last-place finishes in several of their heats in Bedford, though their effort level could not be faulted. As for next year, the club has plenty of aspirations.

Laura-Louise O'Reilly commented: "Next year we’ve got lots planned, including involvement in lots more competitions.

There is a new local cross country league and we’re taking part in local road races from 5km up to half marathon.

There will a greater emphasis on cross-country next year, with more training sessions and also heightened involvement in the West Yorkshire league and (of course) in BUSA cross country.

We are hoping to host a 5km race each Saturday from campus which is free to enter and follows the same lines as those hosted in Leeds and London. Other new training sessions include a core stability workout class, with shiny new equipment and a track fitness session. Both of these will be weekly classes."

Moor takeaway, please Which unsuspecting UYRFC player was kidnapped by two team-mates and unceremoniously dumped him out on the Moors? Returning later to pick him up, they discovered he had mysteriously disappeared. After searching for more than an hour, they eventually returned to his block to find him munching on a Domino’s pizza after getting a lift from a kind farmer. Here’s betting he ordered a Farmhouse…

"Tastes like crap" Which netball player boasted that she would drink anything with Coke at Roses? When confronted with a bottle of Coke containing a number two, she unnervingly downed it in one.

Got any juicy gossip or comments for us?

Email us at: sport@yorkvison.co.uk

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday June 24, 2008

25 Photo by Daniel Birchinall

REGAN RAINS SUPREME > Victorious Vanbrugh back on track > Championship winners Halifax sink to sixth

BY JIM NORTON

DESPITE THE OVERCAST SKIES threatening a washout, York University’s annual sports day went ahead in the usual spirited fashion.

Results were important for many as the College cup reached its climax and several competing athletes produced impressive displays throughout the day. Winners Vanburgh triumphed with a net score of 76.5, ten points more than secondplace Goodricke. Poor participation figures from Halifax hindered their results only managing a dismal sixth, whilst old-timers Wentworth did well to come eighth.

Previous winners Goodricke made sure they brought a decent crowd to cheer them on, even setting up a Goodricke gazebo to shelter under. Mocked by the other colleges, Goodricke had the last laugh when many piled in as the rain got heavy. Yet their dreams of a successive title were dashed by the dominant Vanbrugh, whose threemedal winner Jo Greetham did particularly well. Greetham jumped 3.9 metres in the women’s long jump to win gold and followed this with another first place in the 200m final and second place in the 100m final.

Vanburgh’s win was a considerable improvement from last year’s fourth and was enough to put worrying pressure on Goodricke in the overall college standings.

College Cup winners Halifax were severely restricted by their lack of participants and were fortunate their lead overall was so strong. As the biggest college, it is surprising how few made it to the sports day. Halifax Sport Rep Emily Scott understands that many

of the regular sports stars had valid excuses for not attending, but confesses that “Apathy does seem to be an issue”. Attempts to persuade the students in Halifax were apparently in vain reveals Scott, “It got so desperate that I was on the phone to anyone from Halifax trying to persuade them to run, but often got the same answer along the lines of “I hate athletics”!”. Unfortunately, participation equals points; Colleges entering most of the races were rewarded with extra points.

“Managing to field a full side for sports day was probably the deciding factor in gaining us that crucial second place” agrees Goodricke Sports Rep Laura Longworth.

Perhaps the low attendance was due to the dark clouds that loomed over York all day. Those committed enough to compete, stubbornly refused to let the rain halt proceedings. Some even preferred it; 100m winner Oliver Regan agreed that “the weather doesn’t help” but believes he does “better in these kinds of conditions than other people”. Sadly, the British weather got the better of the organisers and the competition was forced to finish early. The remaining races were decided by the times recorded in the heats, which included both the men’s and women’s 200m final, and the 4x100m relay. Sports day relays are worth double points and considering the likelihood of mistakes in changeover; the final result could have been very different. Sports rep Nick Waite agrees, “I think that if the rain hadn’t intervened we would have increased the point’s difference”.

The miserable weather wasn’t the only problem for competitors as York kept up its reputation for rubbish sports facilities. Bird

Womens 400m Final Womens 100m Final 1. Jennifer Dernie (L) 1.10.53 1. Pip Dyson (D) 14.07 2. Joanna Greetham (V) 14.19 2. Amy Smith (A) 1.12.32 3. Emily Scott (H) 1.12.40 3. Esther Illman (A) 14.63 Mens 400m Final Mens 100m Final 1. Chris Barnett (D) 56.43 1. Oliver Regan (V) 11.91 2. Matthew Smith (J) 58.38 2. Lionel Owusu (H) 11.94 3. Paul Ward-Jones (D) 11.97 3. Ronan McHugh (W) 58.87 Womens 800m Final Womens 200m Final* 1. Zofia Okuniewska (H) 2.46.63 1. Joanna Greetham (V) 2. Emily Scott (H) 2.47.16 2. Laura Longworth (G) 3. Jo Betts (G) 2.53.13 3. Pip Dyson (D) Mens 800m Final Mens 200m Final* 1. John Phelps (J) 2.18.04 1. Paul Ward-Jones (D) 2. Laurie Swan (A) 2.19.18 2. Rory Brown (V) 3. Alex Stewart (G) 2.21.97 3. Sam Taylor (D)

excrement littered the track and the strange decision to only have seven lanes marked out caused extra heats and was another factor in the backlog of races. However, despite its dire need of a makeover, the expansion into Heslington East and a cut in the sports budget are clear signs that any developments in the near future are unlikely. Goodricke Sports rep Laura Longworth remains positive; “it’s the same for everyone and, at the end of the day, we’re not Olympic athletes and it really doesn’t affect our performance”, nonetheless she admits that “Having said all that, [the] goose poo did put me off the long jump rather!”

Regardless of the setbacks, York’s unyielding athletes persevered and made sure the rain didn’t dampen their spirits. Tug of war added a bit of immature fun and some even dressed in outlandish garments. One male shot-putter brightened up his event by arriving in a fetching pair of purple tights.

Credit imust also go to James’ Martin Proctor who threw himself over the finishing line in a celebratory forward roll after finishing an exhausting 3000m run.

Another year, another rain soaked uni event, and another win that still can’t deny Halifax the College cup win. Sports day confirms that the collegiate system is still worthwhile and proves that a pooswamped circle of gravel can still be used as a university racetrack.

Those thinking of entering for their college next year should muse on the motivational words of 100m winner Oliver Regan “It’s about each individual race, you’ve got to do it: whoever you get, you’ve got to run quicker than them”.

Mens 800m Walk 1. Liam Griffin (D) 2. Patrick Keating (H) 3. Hugh Frere-Cook (A) Mens 3,000m Final 1. Martin Proctor (J) 9.46.06 2. Hugh Frere-Cook (A) 10.58.43 3. Dave Worsley (J) 11.00.28 Womens 4 x100m Final 1. Langwith 1.00.69 2. Alcuin 1.01.22 3. Goodricke 1.02.92 Mens 4 x100m Final* 1. Vanbrugh 2. Alcuin 3. Derwent

Womens Long Jump 1. Joanna Greetham (V) 3.90 2. Katie Cowper-Johnson (G) 3.80 3. Pip Dyson (D) 3.74 Mens Long Jump 1. James Sweetman (V) 5.30 2. Oliver Regan (V) 5.10 =3. David Williams (J) 5.00 =3. Jody Rolfe (J) 5.00 Volleyball 1. Vanbrugh 2. Langwith 3. Halifax *Finals cancelled by rain, so times from heats used.

FINAL STANDINGS 1 VANBURGH

76.5

Vanbrugh reduced the gap between Goodricke in the college cup with an impressive win at sports day. Stunning performances from Jo Greetham and Oliver Regan contributed to a lead of almost ten points. Ellie May believes “having our intra-college sports day at the beginning of this term certainly helped get more people involved”

2 GOODRICKE

67

3 DERWENT

66

Goodricke tried hard to retain their sports day title.

Bringing the biggest support and entering into every race meant participation was key for this year’s campaign.

Although no races were won, Goodricke achieved a closely contested second place which Sports Rep Dom O’Shea felt was “as successful as it could be despite the weather”

The DCUK athletes dismissed their unusually low overall ranking and got back on track with a decent 3rd place.

Chris Barnett built a commanding lead to claim victory in the 400m final and Pip Dyson finished first in the 100m and third in the 200m. Derwent Sports rep Adam Clark was chuffed with the Derwent turnout and enthused “sports day was a great success”.

4 ALCUIN

65.5

5 JAMES

60

6 HALIFAX

43

7 LANGWITH

39

Alcuin’s ascent up the College leader board was boosted by their decent performance at the athletics despite their lack of female participants. Sports rep Lizzie Hollins was extremely proud of her competitors, gushing “this shows just how dedicated and enthusiastic people are about Alcuin Sport now”.

James continued their uncharacteristic rise in college sport. Last in the previous year, James ran into the top half of the table with several top 3 finishes. Sports Rep Sarah Pycroft was particularly happy with the attitude “i think the whole day was taken in the right spirit so everyone just did their best” .

Despite winning first and second place in the women’s 800m, Halifax’s poor participation percentage affected a pretty dismal display by the biggest college and the low ranking contrasts vastly with their runaway lead in the College Cup. Sports Rep Emily Scott admitted that “Apathy does seem to be an issue”.

As the smallest college, it is understandable to find Langwith languishing near the bottom. Yet 400m winner Jennifer Dernie and second place volleyball were relative successes. Kelly Briggs was disappointed with the turnout but felt “it was due to the weather”.

8 WENTWORTH

19

Sports day was a relative success for Wentworth. Doing well to field a team, the post-grads even managed 3rd place in the 400m final thanks to the rapid Ronan Mchugh. The Sports reps were seemingly unable to comment on their squads performance.

26 SPORT SPORT REPS REACT...

1. halifax

"The sporting season has generally gone quite well for Halifax this year. We’ve been pretty consistent in most of our leagues. Netball 1sts deserve a mention for not being defeated all year and thus winning the league in both terms. Cricket 1sts are the only undefeated college cricket team, although there have been some very close matches, such as against Vanbrugh and Goodricke, where there were very few runs in it. Hockey was strong this year, and the swimming gala was also a massive success for Halifax.

SURPRISE PACKAGE James impressed me this year more than I had anticipated; they won the cross-country and have a strong squash team.

BEST MOMENT It’s a hard one: there are so many! In terms of college sport, Halifax winning the swimming gala’s got to be quite high up. Also, for me personally, winning the girls cross-country race was pretty good."

-Emily Scott

2. GOODRICKE

"We’ve had another solid season, excelling in rounders, where we have been unbeaten.

Teams that have really stood out have been our badminton team, who won every match, our squash team who only lost 3 matches all year, and our mixed tennis team. One day tournaments have been a real issue for us, getting people involved has been extremely difficult.

SURPRISE PACKAGE Although we would desperately love to win the college cup, holding onto second place is key for us. Vanbrugh are currently in third and we’re very impressed with the work that the Vanbrugh sports reps have put in this year: they really are a college to watch in the future.

BEST MOMENT The lacrosse tournament: it exemplified everything that college sport should be about, introducing new sports to people who haven’t played them before, and allowing them to have fun."

-Laura Longworth and Nicholas Waite

3. vanbrugh

“The sporting season has gone so well for Vanbrugh seeing as we are such a small college.

We have had a consistently strong turnout for the majority of college sports, which is obviously high on our list of priorities as sports reps.

Special thanks to Rich Croker, Jo Greetham and Marieke Hampshire, who have all contributed immensely.

SURPRISE PACKAGE Of course we weren’t particularly sad to see Derwent fall behind the pace.

BEST MOMENT Winning lacrosse and Sports Day really illuminated our college spirits and solidarity, not to mention the ability of a strong core of people. Volleyball, basketball, rounders, squash and darts have also done particularly well. Moreover, winning 2 out of 4 one-day tournaments this term, and coming second in handball afforded us a great number of points."

-Ellie May

YORK VISION

Tuesday June 24, 2008

TWO IN A ROW FOR CONSISTENT HALIFAX

BY VISION SPORT HALIFAX SPORTS rep Emily Scott paid tribute to a nucleus of consistent sports players after the college secured its second successive Deloitte Championship.

After the announcement at Friday’s AU dinner, the second-year commented: “We have a core group of people (as is the case in the other colleges as well) who are always involved in doing college sport and willing to try anything, which is really important to our success. This year we’ve been very lucky from a financial perspective and managed to persuade the college to give us money which funded a number of training sessions for the different sports. To a certain degree, our size must help us, but it really doesn’t feel like it sometimes when you email over 3000 students and only get one response!” Halifax started as they meant to continue, carving out a lead in the winter months that they would ultimately never relinquish. Despite the point margin (14) over Goodricke being twice as much last year, Scott (inset) revealed there was still a level of anxiety before the announcement: “Before Sports Day I was [quietly confident], but it was such a disaster for us. We didn’t know how far ahead we were, so I personally was really worried! When Jack [Kennedy] was reading out the results on Friday, I was so nervous!” Whereas no-one was quite sure who had won last year until it was announced, Halifax had at least played up to their “champion” mantle throughout the year to ensure that fellow titans Goodricke didn’t get a sniff of victory.

Indeed, the 2006 winners had to be content with a second-placed finish, with unbeaten seasons in rounders and badminton among their year’s highlights. Recently-appointed AU tournament secretary and Goodricke Sports Rep Nicholas Waite was satisfied with their performance but offered Vision some frank words about college members' level of involvement: “I’ve personally been surprised by the lack of people getting involved with college sport in my very own college.

Goodricke hasn’t managed (despite the best efforts of its sports reps) to get enough freshers involved in sport, and I feel that we will see the effects of this next year when the current 3rd years leave, as they form the backbone to many of our college teams.”

His counterpart Laura Longworth also shared this concern, while keeping an eye on the future and the Hes East developments: “Goodricke’s imminent move to Hes East may also be an issue in the short term, but a possible a benefit in the long term. In our current sitting, we benefit from being very close to the sports centre and can ring people up at last minute.

Moving freshers to Hes East will mean that we are a very long way from the sports pitches, which will almost doubtlessly have

GREAT SCOTT! an effect of the keenness of freshers to get to the sports centre. Of course if the sports facilities move to Hes East in a few years time, then we will be at a massive advantage over the Hes West colleges…” Behind the two giants of college sport, arguably the oustanding performance of the year came from Vanbrugh, who capped an excellent athletic year with third spot, closing the deficit on Goodricke in the final weeks with victories in the inaugural inter-college lacrosse tournament and in Sports Day. Considering the raft of members that several colleges that fared worse can boast, this is a considerable achievement. Vanbrugh may have been helped in numbers

by the Bleachfields development, but the knock-on effect was negative for cohesion, as college members were scattered over even more sites. College chair Matt Oliver was delighted: “Our sports reps have been brilliant. It’s one of those things you don’t need luck for – RAG, Student Action, sport, you just need organisation and effort, that’s what it takes.” Smiling proudly, he finished: “College sport is all about participation, and I’m really pleased we’ve done so well.”A hefty gap may have separated the top-three finishers from the other colleges, but behind there was just as fierce a battle raging for fourth as for the coveted Deloitte cup. Buoyed by victories in sports like Ultimate Frisbee and the inaugural college rugby sevens, James College were a

HOW THE CUP WAS WON winter By the end of winter term, after the first block of league matches, it was little surprise that the two "big ones" Halifax and Goodricke had already detached themselves from the other challengers. However, the shock entity were Vanbrugh, hot on the heels of Goodricke and a whopping nineteen points in front of closest challengers Alcuin. Last year's third-place finishers Derwent endured a lethargic start to the year, languishing in sixth with plenty of work to do ahead of the new year.

1. Halifax 76, 2. Goodricke 68, 3. Vanbrugh 66, 4. Alcuin 47, 5. James 47, 6. Derwent 45, 7. Langwith 31, 8. Wentworth 14

SPRING

Halifax, the biggest college on campus member-wise, continued to put points in the bank, increasing their advantage over Goodricke to fourteen points. Behind, a resurgence from Alcuin (buoyed by two college-league football wins) and James put them back in the hunt for third. Conversely, Vanbrugh faltered considerably, losing ground on the leading pair. While Derwent were showing little signs of a significant fightback, perennial under-achievers Langwith and Wentworth made the bottom two spots their own in a table unchanged positionally from winter.

1. Halifax 148, 2. Goodricke 138, 3. Vanbrugh 110, 4. Alcuin 102, 5. James 100, 6. Derwent 92, 7. Langwith 68, 8. Wentworth 35

SUMMER Despite a poor turnout on Sports Day, Halifax have a comfortable enough cushion to secure their second Deloitte Inter-College Championship, fifteen points ahead of Goodricke. Instead of gunning for first, Goodricke are worried by a late charge from Vanbrugh, who win Sports Day and lacrosse, alongside second in handball. In the close race for fourth, it's James who prevail. In the lower reaches, the wooden spoon goes to Wentworth again.

4. JAMES

Photo by Daniel Birchinall

“I'm so thrilled with the way that the college sporting season has gone. To extend our ranking from 7th to 4th is an awesome achievement and a testament to some of the great athletes and dedicated captains we have within the college.

SURPRISE PACKAGE Not mentioned.

BEST MOMENT Basketball has been a true triumph. Going completely unbeaten this term having lost two matches all year and achieving scores such as 67-14 and 57-10 is incredible.

Badminton, squash and table tennis have also been consistent - always in the top three each term. We really did well in some of the one day tournaments: we won cross country, rugby and ultimate frisbee. Ultimately, it has to be winning crosscountry, because James was notoriously bad at getting people out for one day tournaments last year and we won it significantly. Also, the 67-14 basketball result against Langwith - it's got to be a record!"

-Sara Pycroft

YORK VISION

SPORT

Tuesday June 24, 2008

2008 INTER-COLLEGE CHAMPIONSHIP Although Wentworth’s reputation as slim pickings will only be further enhanced by another last-place finish, Derwent sports rep Adam Clark complimented their efforts: “I sympathise for the Wentworth sports reps as they’ve done a great job this year, making real improvements both in terms of participation and performance.”

V

“How Halifax didn't manage to get a full squad out for sports day I don't know, when you consider all the members ”

V

quiet revelation. In grabbing fourth spot after a year-long tussle with Alcuin and Derwent, they showed an impressive aboutturn from last year’s seventh-place finish.

Just four points behind were a slowly-progressing Alcuin, seen as a ‘sleeping giant’ by sports officers from several other colleges.

Sports rep and next year's AU referee’s co-ordinator Lizzie Hollins, though pleased with could only rue the narrow miss: “Though this is amazing for Alcuin, that fourth place was much coveted and to miss out on fourth by a few points is very frustrating!”

Not all colleges could boast similar improvement curves though. Derwent started the year slowly and never recovered, always forced to play catch-up to several colleges they had beaten in 2007. In the end, despite their ever-strong college spirit, they proved far from equal to the task of matching last year’s podium finish, instead crashing to sixth spot. Playing with several inexperienced team members after losing a good batch of sportsmen and women to graduation, things look more positive for next year.

Sports rep and AU vice-president-in-waiting Adam Clark explained: “We’re in a great position for next year, with people not only being aware of the different sports available but also keen to play them.”

Langwith slumped to seventh spot, unable to muster the same level of enthusiasm or high performance which had carried them to higher positions in the past.

Realistically, for a college of such small size (approximately 800 members to Halifax’s 2,000+), there will always be a ‘glass ceiling’ limiting how well they can perform.

However, fielding full-size teams was often an issue, so Langwith will be looking to mobilize more of their members in college sport next year.

Meanwhile, annual flops Wentworth’s campaign was something of a non-event: there were forfeits aplenty, and when they were able to field a team, heavy defeats in several sports ensued. Again, a serious dearth of competitors (let alone talented sportsmen) is their biggest obstacle.

Demonstrating how even the most populous college on campus can suffer from the campus-wide twin malaise of apathy and laziness, even Halifax rep Scott had many problems. She said “We had a huge problem here, even though Halifax has over 3000 students! Apathy does seem to be an issue.”

Scott went on: “We had emails sent out to the entire Halifax student population, as well as messaging lots of groups on Facebook, but there was little response. It got so desperate that I was on the phone to anyone from Halifax trying to persuade them." Twisting the knife, albeit unaware of Scott’s opinion, Goodricke counterpart Longworth saw Halifax’s low turnout at Sports Day as inexcusable: “How Halifax didn’t manage to get a full squad out for sports day I don’t know, when you consider all the members of the college and that they could get in touch with every one of their college teams. It leads one to think that they must have been very complacent about it.” Of course, Goodricke’s sports reps themselves feel the pressure of having to find team members. Showing his

frustration at the current situation, Nicholas Waite weighed in: “We had several one day events this year, especially the Rugby 10s tournament, when we could only field a squad of 12 guys...In a college of around 800-1000 people or so this is completely unacceptable. I got one of the Rugby Men’s 1sts players down to help coach us, but turnout at practice was consistently poor, and ultimately led to us fielding a small squad which got annihilated at the tournament. It’s so infuriating and disappointing when you put your own time and effort into trying to get people involved with college sport, and then something like that happens.” James rep Sara Pycroft noted a similar situation in college netball, conceding “we’ve lost a lot of points through that [apathy].”

Even if sloth or indifference are not the problems, timidity can hold back the most talented of athletes. Halifax representative Scott urged more athletes to come forward: “It seems that people sometimes say they are disinclined from playing college sport as they believe it to be cliquey. I guess I can see how it could be perceived to be, given that the number of people who play regularly is quite limited, so we all get to know each other better. However, at the end of the day, all the teams that I have been involved in are all so accommodating and always welcome new people. This has also been my impression with any university club that I have joined, even if not starting at the beginning of the academic year. College sport particularly is about inclusivity and if anyone ever wants to start something, they need only contact one of their sports reps who will no doubt get them in contact with the captain.”

In an ideal world, forfeits and roped-in threadbare squads whould be consigned to the past; hopefully the rumoured new system will do more to ensure greater levels of involvement. Goodricke rep Dominic O’Shea summed up things well: “I genuinely felt sorry for other sports reps who struggle to get teams out. It’s quite sad really, because playing college sport is one of the most rewarding things you can do at university.”

27

SPORT REPS REACT...

5. ALCUIN "This year, college sport in Alcuin has been better than in recent memory! A few years ago it really couldn’t have gotten any worse: Alcuin languishing at the bottom of the table with Wentworth every year. Considering we are one of the biggest colleges, it was a bit of a shambles! This year and last, however, Alcuin have been back in the game. All of the sports reps want to thank everyone who has played college sport for Alcuin over the last year, and hope it can continue next year!"

BEST MOMENT A shout must be made to both the football teams and all those who took part in Athletics day. Football have won 3 out of 6 titles so far, the points crucial to rising above Derwent in the final table; this could be 4 if the 1sts beat Goodricke in the college cup final on Tuesday.

SURPISE PACKAGE 4th to 6th place is quite surprising this year: James and Alcuin rising up towards the top of the table with the usually successful Derwent falling a few places."

-Lizzie Hollins

6. Derwent "This year has been about getting as many people involved in college sport as possible. We lost lots of sportsmen and women to graduation last year, meaning it’s been a bit of a rebuilding process this year.

BEST MOMENT Personally, winning the league with the football 2nds or winning the college cup plate, both great achievements with credit due to Jack Green for his efforts in the first two terms.

SURPISE PACKAGE Vanbrugh’s strong performances weren’t particularly surprising this year: they did well last year and had a huge influx of new students this year due to the Bleachfields development. Alcuin have always been underperformers in sporting terms, they are such a big college but couldn’t field teams for popular sports. I think Lizzie Hollins has done a great job in motivating people to go out and play sports, and in the next few years I see them as a college who could possibly challenge Halifax for the title."

-Adam Clark

7. LANGWITH "We could have done better with the participants: that's the general thought for the year.

As the smallest college, numbers are a problem.

I personally had to fill in quite a bit for some sport teams, as they'd not been able to fill in the places.

BEST MOMENT Volleyball and darts: we didn't win, but did very well. Lacrosse stood out too.

We didn't do so well, but we got loads of people out, which was very nice.

SURPRISE PACKAGE We've always had the rivalry with Derwent, so it's not too sad to them do badly!"

-Kelly Briggs

8. wentworth Photo by Kasia Sikora-Sikorsi

Net profit: The women's netball team, awarded the Best Team Cup in the Halifax awards, celebrate victory.

Much like their college cup campaign, Wentworth were handicapped by a serious lack of participation. Alas, no responses from their sports reps had been received when Vision went to press.

Touted as the perennial losers in the college championship, the simple fact is that Wentworth's postgrads don't appear too bothered by their another wooden-spoon-garnering performances. They enjoy the sports they do play, but assumedly have too much work to do to get flustered about some desultory sports fixtures.

Tuesday June 24, 2008 Issue 190

SPORTVISION

BOOST FOR COLLEGE CASH KITTY

P24 Photo by Katie Brunskill

HALIFAX MAKE IT TWO STANDINGS

1. Halifax 2. Goodricke 3. Vanbrugh 4. James 5. Alcuin 6. Derwent 7. Langwith

230 215 201 158 154 151 109 8. Wentworth 57

EXCLUSIVE HALIFAX COLLEGE have won the 2009 Deloitte Inter-College Sport Championship, making it two wins in a row.

In spite of a sub-par performance at the season-concluding Sports Day, York's youngest college had room for manoeuvre in the overall standings to beat rivals Goodricke to the coveted title by fifteen points. From the opening of inter-college hostilities in October, Halifax built a narrow lead and kept scoring consistently to chip away at the resolve of their rivals, slowly opening some breathing space between themselves and challengers. Rounding off the podium were Vanbrugh, who

enjoyed one of their best inter-college championship results in recent years.

Although not in possession of the sheer numbers at their fingertips that the two higher-finishing counterparts can boast, Vanbrugh appear to have overcome the joint hurdles of apathy and laziness particularly ably. Bolstered by overall triumph at an overcast Sports Day, they only narrowly failed to overhaul Goodricke and claim second spot.

COLLEGE CHAMPIONSHIP ROUNDUP Pages 25 - 28

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