York Vision: Scene Issue 225

Music Editors: Niamh Connolly & Nina Pullman Film Editors: Alysia Judge & Rory McGregor Books Editors: Philip Watson & Joanna Barrow

Scene Editors: Jordan Lloyd & Maddy Pelling

Deputy Music: Louisa Hann & Martin Waugh Deputy Film: Will Barnes & Catherine Gobert-Jones Deputy Books: James Carr

Nightlife Editors: Ben Huckle & Henna Ishaq TV Editors: Sian Gardiner & Claire Hogarth Tech Editors: Dan Cornwell & Vish Nithi

Deputy Nightlife: Zena Jarjis Deputy TV: Judith Marzo

MUSIC NEWS...

STONE ROSES PLAY FIRST GIG IN 16 YEARS

VISION'S GIG DIARY The Stone Roses performed at Warrington Parr Hall, near Manchester, in their first gig since announcing their reunion in October 2011. The gig was announced from their official site just hours before the show started. Despite this last minute announcement, several locals in the crowd said they had heard about it beforehand but had been sworn to secrecy.

The gig was attended by 1,500 fans, including Liam Gallagher, the atmosphere was light-hearted and the band seemed well-rehearsed. The Stone Roses are due to start their European tour in Barcelona next month, and return for more scheduled shows in Manchester at the end of June.

ADELE REFUSES TO HEADLINE GLASTONBURY

Adele has turned down a headline slot at Glastonbury 2013. Michael Eavis, founder and director of the festival, has said that the singer was probably daunted by the 80,000 crowd who would be at Glasto’s famous Pyramid Stage, as she had not done anything of that scale before.

Glastonbury festival is not running this year as the location is given one year off in four to give the land a rest. It will resume at its usual size in June 2013. Eavis has also said he has confirmed all the headline acts for the next festival, but will not release them until closer to the time.

LADY GAGA BANNED FROM PLAYING IN INDONESIA Islamic groups in Jakarta, the capital of Indonesia, have put pressure on local authorities to prevent Lady Gaga from performing there, due to the ‘vulgar’ style of the singer’s act. Gaga was due to perform in the capital on June 3rd, but the concert has been cancelled until further notice.

Islam is the dominant religion in Indonesia, and the country also has the biggest relative Muslim population in the world. Islam requires women’s dress to be modest, and religious groups have said that Gaga’s outfits would be seen as offensive. Gaga’s promotion team say they are still fighting to overcome this ruling, and are backed by a huge contingent of the singer’s online fanbase; notoriously nicknamed ‘Little Monsters’. NINA PULLMAN.

Campus: Fri 8th June - Nish as Rish Jack Lyons Concert Hall - Tickets £3 for students from Jack Lyons Box Office Award-winning celtic quartet formed while at York in 2009, return after a busy few years of taking the celtic music scene by storm.

York: Mon 11th June - Django Django Fibbers - Tickets £8.50 from fibbers.co.uk Thurs 14 June - The View - The Duchess - Tickets £14 08444771000 Mon 9 July - Rams Pocket Radio The Duchess - Tickets £5, £6 OTD. The rest of the UK: Fri 12th Oct - Kelly Clarkson Manchester Arena - Tickets £38 on sale Fri 18 June 9am from ticketmaster.co.uk Weds 14th Nov - Ben Howard - 02 Academy Leeds - Tickets £16 leedsgigs.co.uk

RETRO RECORD In the Limelight...

Celebrations for the Queen's Diamond Jubilee will take place on an extended weekend on the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th June. 35 years ago, after the Queen had celebrated her Silver Jubilee, Never Mind the B******s, Here's the Sex Pistols, was released on 27th October 1977.

The lyrics of two songs on this album, 'Anarchy in the UK' and 'God Save the Queen', appeared to many as a despicable assault upon the British monarchy; lead singer Johnny Rotten, for example, in 'God Save the Queen', describes Queen Elizabeth II as "no human being".

However, the band went on to explain their issues were not with the Queen but with the British Government in general. It peaked at number one on the UK Albums Chart and, in the words of Charles M. Young: "there had never been anything like it before." It was the album's bare-faced effrontery that made it popular. This can be plainly heard in the song 'Pretty Vacant' which is largely interpreted as a celebration of youthful apathy, perfectly summed up by the closing line: "and we don't care."

The grunge, indie and thrash metal genres of music simply would not have sprung up without punk rock, a movement kick-started by The Sex Pistols, while bands such as Oasis, Nirvana and Guns N' Roses have all openly admitted they are indebted to the band's influence. However, since the much-mourned death of Diana in 1997 and the marriage of her son William to Catherine Middleton last year, the monarchy's status as a national treasure appears to no longer be in doubt, while albums such as Never Mind the B******s remain at the core of our country's musical legacy. WILL BARNES.

JOSH KUMRA The singer-songwriter born in Swindon has been up and coming for some time. He featured on rapper Wretch 32's song 'Don't Go', played on Live with Jools Holland, and scored a number 1 chart position. His debut solo single, 'Helicopters & Planes', premiered on May 18th & his album is released later this year. Playing at Blissfields Festival, Summer of Love, Bestival this summer, he is a rising star inspired by Dylan, Jimi Hendrix, and Nina Simone. He is ensured to be an artist with a long road ahead. NIAMH CONNOLLY.

SOUNDTRACK

SINGLES

YOUR SUMMER

Niki and The Dove - 'Tomorrow'

The sun is out, the end of exams is in sight, and to celebrate, we have asked a few of York university students, including ourselves, your very own Vision music editors, for the sounds of summer 2012.

NIAMH CONNOLLY. Vision Music Editor.

First-year English student.

'Myth' - Beach House.

"Enchanting & perfect for summer nights."

NINA PULLMAN. Vision Music Editor.

Second-year English student.

'This is the life' - Amy Macdonald.

"Irresistably catchy, can always be counted on to bring some summer into your day."

SIMON DAVIS. Second-year Sociology student.

'Traveller's Chant' - Rizzle Kicks.

"A Great song for summer journeys in the car."

AMY MOLL. Second-year English student.

'Summer Breeze' - The Isley Brothers "Old school & mellow, it always reminds me of summer days on the beach."

NEIL WEBB. First-year History student 'Whisky Tango Foxtrot Lima Oscar Lima'- Pennines.

"It just fits whatever mood im in. So on a summers day it just sounds so warm and jolly."

LYDIA M SAIF. First-year ABT student.

'Squeeze' - Man Like Me "I can't resist listening to it in the sun."

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he Swedish pop-duo’s third single has elements of Goldfrapp with a cool, synthesised sound under a female vocal. The track begins with an electronic and modernistic riff, while a compelling electronic percussion beat is soon introduced and the chorus provides a burst of energy reminiscent of true pop-anthem style. Post chorus, the track reverts to the repetitive, almost minimalistic, format of the verse.

The track is typical of the whole album as powerful yet unoppressive electropop, while the hypnotic and heavily synthesised texture of the music is both emphatically modern and suprisingly lyrical. NINA PULLMAN

Ben Howard - 'Only Love'

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oward seems to finally be capturing some of the attention he deserves with ‘Only Love’, the fourth single from his album Every Kingdom. The influence of such artists as Joni Mitchell are obvious as he combines plucky, folky guitar with his beautifully mellow voice, creating a mature and deeply moving final product. Howard's lyrics capture hearts in the way fellow singer-songwriter Ed Sheeran has, yet Howard’s album is superior to Sheeran’s +; it is full of substance, and hopefully this single will serve to highlight a record full of tracks of the same top quality. ALEX FINNIS

Katy B and Mark Ronson 'Move to the Beat'

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ith every major sporting event comes the plethora of inspirational anthems to capitalise on a nation’s celebratory spirit.

But when Mark Ronson teamed up with urban songstress Katy B, there was promise for the realm. Now, with the Olympic Games looming, the official UK song has arrived, it is a predictably upbeat anthem, but aside from the recognisable vocals of Katy B, there is a story to be told. Ronson travelled the world recording the sporting sounds of five young athletes to mix into the track, creating a decent sound track to accompany the much anticipated Olympic Games.

LORNA POTTER WILD

Madonna - 'Girl Gone Wild'

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hilst I applaud Madonna's pluck, the sight of her gyrating posterior obscured the club cool vibe of her latest track. Despite the catchiness of 'Girls Gone Wild', the eye is dually distracted by the sight of Madge's spandex clad behind combined with zebra-like male dancers, detracting from what could be a good listen. Musically, Madonna has done much to remain relevant and this is displayed in the track's quality. However, though this song does score some points, dressing like Marilyn Monroe's grandmother does not a hit make. JORDAN LLOYD

ALBUM REVIEWS JACK WHITE

ZULU WINTER LANGUAGE

BLUNDERBUSS

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W

hite’s new album is a step away from his earlier guitardominated work. With a more country-blues feel to it, Blunderbuss’s opening song ‘Missing Pieces’ hints at the singer’s recent divorce. “When someone tells you they can't live without you, they ain't lying,” sings White; his voice is both soft and brooding and is never drowned by the surrounding instruments. Instead it moves playfully around gentle piano and guitar arrangements. The acoustic beauty of ‘Love Interruption’ is one of the album’s highlights. This is not heavy rock: this is something all together different to the White Stripes.

Intimate, passionate and almost confessional, Blunderbuss draws heavily on White’s ‘third father’, Bob Dylan (alongside his biological father and God, he says), whose album Blood On The Tracks deals with similar issues.

Anguish and regret characterise the album’s opening, whilst the journey picks up speed in the following songs towards its climax, ‘Take Me With You When You Go’, which finally indulges the listener in White’s primal guitar riffs and intense vocals.

Having knocked Adele off the album

charts’ top spot Blunderbuss is proving to be seriously popular. In terms of his signature guitar style, there is some disappointment. But to simply mimic his earlier successes would be futile for White; he is as much a country-blues musician as a heavy rock guitarist. By sidestepping the option to write more of the same Jack White has created something not entirely groundbreaking, but nonetheless something no one was expecting. Book-ended by two excellent tracks – with a few decent others thrown in – the album shamelessly draws parallels to Dylan; it’s the same old journey of breaking up and moving on.

The closing track is White at his best: his signature guitar and intense vocals sound as good as ever. We can only hope this is the direction he is now heading in.

MARTIN WAUGH

BEACH HOUSE

themselves apart from new bands of the same ilk.

Lead singer Will Daunt’s vocals are remarkably similar to those of Coldplay’s Chris Martin. Although this may be a turn-off for hipsters and Coldplay-phobes alike, Daunt’s voice gives the album an approachable softness, and the band succeed in creating tracks just on the cusp of being anthemic, without tipping over into cheesiness.

Although Language may lack the endearingly haphazard and naive elements often found in debut albums, it demonstrates a band destined for recognition.

Their choice of an April release is particularly apt, as the need for new summer tracks becomes more evident.

Far from perfect, but an album that deserves to be listened to.

LOUISA HANN

THE ENEMY

BLOOM

STREETS IN THE SKY

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loom is the fourth album release from Beach House. The album sounds like a melodic dream beginning and ending in the time span of an hour.

For the listener, early track ‘Lazuli’ is gentle, laid-back and effortless, creating a dazed state of mind. Victoria Legrand spoke of 'Lazuli' directly: “I fall in love with words. I felt like it had a real imagination to it.” This summarizes the album it epitomises. ‘The Hours’ also contributes to this relaxed and breezy sound, whilst ‘Troublemaker’ is more harmonic and upbeat. The repetition of the lyric "someone like you" highlights its depth and the new, more profound lyrical progression that the band have made from their debut, entitled Beach House, and their last release Teen Dream in 2010.

This lazed tranquility is continued throughout the album; however, tracks such as ‘Wild’ and ‘Other People’ create diversity in tempo. ‘Myth’ is the first single release from the album; the chorus is prominent and euphoric, helping the song stand out in the album. Its opening chimes are consistent, shaped

by Legrand’s vocals, “drifting in and

ondon five-piece Zulu Winter’s debut album, Language, is a carefully crafted record, combining intricate percussive beats, polished vocals and dreamy layered riffs resulting in what will surely feature in numerous summer playlists.

Certain tracks do feel like they are merely padding it out in order to create something coherent, making the stand-out tracks very obvious. ‘Moment’s Drift’ and ‘People That You Must Remember,’ for example, are effortlessly skippable. However, ‘Silver Tongue'’s infectious chorus gives the impression of a band practised in writing crowd pleasers, while the disjointed, experimental and almost funkbased rhythms of ‘Let’s Move Back To Front’ show a band unafraid of showing off their evident musical abilities.

Zulu have shown a distinct antagonism to the musical hype machine, which can only be a promising thing.

The hype was perhaps inevitable; new bands such as Django Django, and the ever-elusive Wu Lyf demonstrate a demand for disjointed, psychedelic artrock.

On top of the art-school feel of the record is a universal quality, setting

D

out” and slowly rising to create a beautiful climactic moment in the lyric “Let you know you’re not the only one”.

It’s easy to see why the duo chose this as the first release, it symbolises what the album is about. It is poetic and Victoria Legrand’s vocals progress throughout, creating a concluding sound of ethereal beauty.

The lyrics are deep and invite the listener to hear thought provoking and meaningful statements yet at the same time allow room for the audience to interpret. The album is a beautiful creation from Beach House, and is a perfect and mellow summer album that is worth investing within.

Its similarities to Teen Dream may be apparent, but the phrase ‘if it ain't broke don’t fix it’, resonates and applies directly to Bloom as Beach House have created another work of art.

NIAMH CONNOLLY

espite waiting for The Enemy’s latest album with baited breath this feeling of trepidation proved unwarranted with the stark reality of the band releasing Streets in the Sky. Though initially excited by the band's promise to return to their roots and craft a sound more like 2008’s We’ll Live & Die in these Towns, what was actually produced fell flat from its lofty pedestal, failing to deliver with the crashing disappointment of a week late Amazon order.

Though the rhythms on tracks like ‘Saturday' and “Gimme a Sign' hint at that unique originality The Enemy are beloved for, the resulting album catalogues a series of near misses and failed opportunities. Tom Clarke’s Kate Nash style warbling grates on my nerves. What has always redeemed the band is their ability to craft roof-raising anthems that both speak to their working class origins, yet raise the quality of the lyrics aloft to greatness.

What is lacking from the entire album is both the stark social commentary of the band's lyrics as well as the Welleresque quality of their melodies. There-

fore suggesting, rather than returning to their roots, they have forgotten them entirely.

That being said, Streets in the Sky contains echoes of what can be considered the original Enemy on tracks like 'This is Real'. It is frustrating, that with backing music so promising the lyrics detract from what can otherwise be considered a fantastic ‘back to basics’ release. The latest album is a light version of what appealed to an ever-hungry fan base.

I suggest fans' time would be better spent mourning the loss of the band's relevance in a society which appears to have outgrown their formerly savvy tracks. In this way Streets in the Sky contains neither enough street nor sky as each song fails to assert itself above the vanilla tone which summarizes the album in its entirety.

JORDAN LLOYD

the milk

Fred Nathan chats to new Essex band 'The Milk' These days, it is increasingly difficult for emerging bands and artists to pen a sound of their own, often being compared to other groups and sounds already in existence.

It is hard to do that with Essex fourpiece The Milk. After a few years of trying, they are finally receiving the recognition they deserve. Having signed their first record deal with music giant Sony, they are gearing up to play the big summer festivals as well as securing a big headline date at the Shepherds Bush Empire later this year.

Their sound is the definition of eclectic; elements of Rock, R&B, Motown and Jazz come together in their songs as the band feel it is a collective experience which produces their sound: “Our record collections vary from Hip Hop to Soul, dance to reggae, and the classic Rock ‘n’ Roll. We listened to Trojan, Chess, Staz, Def Jam, Public Enemy, The Roots, Brad Baloo, Chemical Brothers... the list is endless. If it’s a banging tune, we like it!

The Milk is what happens when we get together and write. We all contribute and it wouldn’t sound the same without all four of us involved!”

The four band members have had enough time to hone and refine the way they work together – they grew up together in the heart of Essex and for a long time did not have any idea they would be making music as a day job. “It was a hobby up until we all realised that we hated our jobs and couldn't think of anything else that we could do any better! Once we quit our jobs it got serious, we worked hard, and did what we set out to do. Getting signed was the first step, now comes the hard work.”

Their Essex roots are certainly preva-

lent in their music – their forthcoming album, due to be released later this year, is entitled Tales from the Thames Delta and their recent music video for ‘B-Roads’ was shot in Southend. They explain that “all the songs on the album are about our lives growing up in and around Essex, so it’s important in the sense that we know no different. Although because of the socalled glamour around Essex at the moment it feels like that it is more important to everyone else than it is to us.”

“Most themes in our lyrics are about

trying to break out of a small town and discover something bigger and newer. We write in many different ways; The Milk don’t have one way to skin the cat as it were, so lyrics can come from one member or all, depending on the song."

It is a question they are commonly asked, but their name has got people speculating. Indignantly, they tell Vision that “never has a band’s name had less thought put into it. We were called Charlie Bash and the Uptown Smash for a day, Nigel Winterburn and the Flat Back Four

for a gig and then Kenny Cornflake and The Milk came up. We fucked off Kenny and were left with The Milk. We always thought we'd think of something better and by the time we did it was too late to change!”

I wondered how The Milk find the balance between the good times on the road and the constant trial and error process and graft that is the hallmark of the studio: “Both things are very different and have their own rewards, but the kick you get out of both of them is equal. When you play live you get an instant reaction to your tunes and your performance.

There’s nothing like walking out to a

"WILLOW WAS AMAZING! UNDER-AGE BARMEN, LOADS OF LOVELY GIRLS AND FREE PRAWN CRACKERS!" packed venue where everyone is up for a rave! Being in the studio is more of a slow burner but the feeling of bringing an idea to life and creating a tune everyone is happy with is amazing.”

“Our last gig and probably most favourite to date was at the Scala in London. In terms of festivals this summer, we are really looking forward to Ibiza Rocks, loads of mates are coming out to join us for the party, we'll smash the gig along with Ed Sheeran then party hard!”

Finally, it would have been remiss of Vision not to mention The Milk’s recent trip to York. They played at Stereo before following students to Stone Roses and, with the help of a little back-hander to Conrad, Willow. “Willow was most probably the weirdest place we've ever been!

Underage barmen, loads of lovely girls, and free prawn crackers! What more can we say other than we had an amazing time in York and can't wait to get back there!”

live reviews PARTYCLUB

NEWTON FALKNER THE COCKPIT, leeds

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he Cockpit in Leeds was a highly intimate venue for an equally intimate performance.

The set opened with 'Badman', while the rhythmic pulse from his guitar seemed to run through the bodies of the audience.

His guitar is clearly an extension of his character and he fully utilizes every aspect of the instrument. He stands alone and yet produces the sound of an impressive band with his ability to juggle the sounds of percussion, bass and melody.

Performing such classics as 'Dream Catch Me' and his cover of Massive Attack’s 'Teardrop', Faulkner also treated us to several tracks from his soon to be released album and an acoustic version of Stevie Wonder’s 'Superstition'.

16/05/12 Whilst I was sandwiched between teenage girls, couples in their mid 20s and middle aged men, it was clear to me that this was a collection of people who just appreciate great music. However, the gig was far more entertaining and hilarious than I think anyone would have anticipated. For example, his intense acoustic tones came to an abrupt halt whilst he stopped to pour himself a cup of herbal tea.

Despite his obvious and immense talent, Faulkner had an endearingly informal attitude. It was clear he had the same respect for the crowd as they had for him. There was a lot of genuine and unforced conversation with the crowd as he broke down the infamous barriers between stage and audience with ease, at one point even taking questions!

He returned with a well-deserved and unsuprising encore of 'Gone In The Morning' to close the set, leaving the room with a gentle buzz of gratification for the 95-minute performance.

There was no use of extravagant props or complex staging; it was simply extraordinary talent on show. His humble attitude in combination with his unquestionable skill and passion really made this a gig different from anything else I’ve seen. MEGAN CROSS

LUCY ROSE the duchess, york

T

here was a distinct homespun feel to Lucy Rose’s set at The Duchess, as loved up couples high on the heat of the day sat around ready to take in the relaxed vibes of her music, and Lucy sat cradling her guitar in casual vintage attire. The turn-out, it had to be admitted, wasn’t fantastic – there was definitely room to run around if one was that way inclined – but Lucy lapped up the praise from the crowd, acknowledging the times when there was an approving hush, admitting “usually people talk all the way through these songs.” It is Lucy’s endearing character, along with her upbeat, almost rocky take on the folk style that makes her live shows ones to watch.

Previous to her starting any kind of solo career, Lucy toured with Bombay Bicycle Club, adding a valuable vocal quality to their recent work due to her neat and polished voice. Solo, however, she is a different performer, seeming more comfortable in the presence of a backing band of her own. Whether the backing band was necessary, however, is another matter. The songs in which just Lucy herself played, such as ‘Shiver’, rather aptly sent shivers down the spines of the audience, almost sending many of us into a trance, even prompt-

music@yorkvision.co.uk

23/05/12

ing one to profess his love for her across the venue.

When the band joined in during songs such as ‘Middle of the Bed’, it was difficult not to think it would have been better had it just been Lucy on her own, as the additional layers of percussion, keyboard and guitar seemed to detract from the song.

Considering Lucy Rose has only a few released songs to rest on, she put on an impressive show. Her endearing qualities are sure to bring in the crowds – at one point she described how everything at the merch stall was bought by her parents as a present. The show could have been longer, but there is definitely more to come from this still underground artist.

LOUISA HANN

the duchess, york

16/05/12

H

aving heard plenty about them, I decided to head down to The Duchess to see what the fuss was about and see PartyClub for myself, supporting General Fiasco.

PartyClub are made up of four University students; Will Cooper, Tom Banks, Sam Sackville and Alex Beevers, and they serve up their own musical brand of “indiebounce”.

Formed in late 2011, the band were propelled to the forefront of the music world in April when they were added to the Radio 1 Playlist as the Introducing Band of the Week. Since this success, the band has gone from strength to strength. Securing management with the company that also oversee Dappy and Tinchy Stryder, they now have a full summer of dates lined up including Beach Break Live and a mini-tour at the end of June.

Back to the gig, PartyClub took to the stage to a raucous cheer from their strong following who had come to see them for the first time since their recent successes. Opening with one of the songs I had heard previous to coming to the gig, ‘Our Path’, their sound was instantly well received by the crowd and was catchy, upbeat and fast-paced. The set continued in a similar fashion, and

POLLY

AND THE

BILLETs-DOUX

stereo, york

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it was a performance that fully highlighted the enthusiasm that is beginning to spread about them. New track ‘City Lights’ provided a different edge to the otherwise summery, jovial feel of the songs, but the catchy and sing-along-able choruses still remained.

The set ended with ‘Young and Free’, the song playlisted on Radio 1, and such publicity showed its effects, with many of the crowd, other than those who had come specifically to see the band, bouncing and singing along to this unashamedly pop hit.

With the set at an end, PartyClub left the stage to a bigger cheer than they came on to. The buzz about this band is certainly justified, and on this performance, they should prepare themselves for much, much more.

WILL HANBY

inchester folk-quartet Polly & The Billets Doux graced York venue Stereo on the return leg of their UK Tour promoting their critically acclaimed debut album Fiction, Half-Truths & Downright Lies. They were supported by local duet According to Eve and York University band, Taming the Savage.

According to Eve really were a joy to watch, Tim Downie's intelligent guitarplaying complemented well the powerful voice of Eve Maule-Cole. Taming the Savage, having taken a break from the local music scene to focus on studies, were back on top form; the song 'Take Off Your Shackles' played with a string accompaniment being a particular highlight.

Then it was time for the headline act to take to the stage. After building up a rapport with the crowd, Polly telling tales of forgotten tent pegs, the band's performance of 'Cry Cry' endeared them to an audience that was growing ever tipsier thanks to a rapid drumbeat and vocals reminiscent of Fleetwood Mac's Stevie Nicks.

A particular highlight of the set was the melodic 'Sycamore Ships', the smoky quality of Polly's voice being complemented by quiet yet potent backing vocals and subtle, fast-paced guitar.

13/05/12 However, the best was yet to come as they ended on their cover of The Animals' classic, 'The House of the Rising Sun'. The length of this song permitted the lead guitarist to truly showcase his talents with several ridiculous solos that encouraged the crowd to form a circle and start the kind of dancing I have only really seen just after midnight on New Year's Day. From this performance, I can see why Polly & The Billets Doux have secured a support spot with Fun Loving Criminals in the past and I'm sure they will continue to add more fans to their impressive following in the coming months.

WILL BARNES

Drunken tales of woe...

Everyone has at least one story of their drunken antics that they'd rather forget, or more likely can't remember. These stories are some of the picks that our readers have sent in, generally involving ridiculous, and usually embarrassing frivolities...

"In freshers, my friend Martin came home from a night out and sat on a bench outside to have a cigarette. He and his friend Emily thought they heard the sound of something moving through the grass and they looked around and saw a rat coming towards them.

Martin panicked and kicked it at our house.

Emily, realising that there was something odd about the rat, screamed “NOOOOOO” as it hit the wall. They ran over to see if it was alright and realised that it wasn't a rat that Martin had kicked, it was an innocent hedgehog and was dead. All the girls sat outside stroking and crying over the poor hedgehog whilst the murderer went upstairs to take a poo with the door open.

Martin has now dropped out of university.

No more harm will come to the hedgehogs of York."

"It’s not really your standard night in Willow when you’re circling the dance floor, sober and wearing a fluorescent ‘YUSU steward’ jacket during freshers’ fortnight.

In hindsight I suppose I can understand my decision to give into the temptation of buying myself a ‘Willow Survival Kit’, the contents of which are a perilous shot of tequila, a segment of lime and sprinkle of salt, or maybe I repeated that purchase several times, because if memory serves well - which in this case it really doesn’t - I spent most of my ‘big night of being responsible’ stewarding the abandoned streets of Heworth wearing nothing but the fluorescent jacket and my underwear. Apparently walking around in that state with a megaphone demanding “all ducks return to campus” is enough to land you in Fulford Police station, but hey, at least it was closer to home than Heworth! Turns out ‘responsible’ and ‘paralytic’ are not interchangeable.

SMASH. BANG. SMASH. Woken up at 4:30, I assumed my housemates had arrived back from their social. I decided it was best to make my way downstairs to hush them up, and, more importantly, ensure the safety of the house by stopping them from cooking.

Greeted by pitch black it was clear something was not right. "Hello?" I called, hoping there was not an intruder; no answer.

I mustered up the courage to turn on the light, not knowing what to expect. As my eyes adjusted, there he was, my housemate, half-climbing through the small gap in the garden window, smashed plates all over the floor. "I've lost my keys," he whispered, proceeding to pull his house keys out of his pocket and throw them into the house. "Can you let me in, please?" I opened the back door and he staggered through and made his way to the sofa, where I placed his keys as he sat down. "I've lost my keys," he said, sounding distressed. I pointed at them, "No you haven't,they're right there!" "Oh what's the point?!" he whined before passing out.

Bizarre Booze If you often stick to the mainstream forms of alcohol you are either boring or easily pleased. For the more adventurous drinkers, Ben Huckle, Henna Ishaq and Zena Jarjis bring you a selection of the more daring beverages obtainable, drinks made with food and mutilated animals. Probably not suitable for vegetarians...

Mice Wine

Baby mice wine, perhaps not your average pre-drink choice, is a traditional Chinese and Korean health drink. It has been dubbed a ’health tonic’, as some believe it has the power to cure almost any illness, including asthma and liver problems, although for the more faint hearted, it may induce more problems than it can solve. The meticulous brewing process consists of drowning live baby mice in rice moonshine no more than three days after their birth, so as to avoid any fur getting into the otherwise enticing beverage. The pile of mice is then left to ferment for approximately one year before becoming available for purchase. Unfortunately, this beastly booze appears to be scarcely available, even in its country of origin. However, there is no need to panic, as with its basic ingredients and simple fermentation process there is no reason it can’t be made in the comfort of your own home!

Pizza Beer In 2006, Tom and Amanda Seefurth realised the compatibility of pizza and beer and created a bizarre drink in their home brewery to “pair with a variety of foods, especially our favourite, pizza!” Mamma Mia Pizza Beer, the world's first culinary beer, is made with actual garlic, pizza crust, basil, oregano and tomato sauce to recreate the flavour of a classic margherita pizza. The beer is produced in Illinois and sold all over America and has been featured on Gordon Ramsay's The F Word. Don't worry, it's free from crumbs and debris - Pizza Beer is passed through a filter similar to a tea bag before it is bottled.

A product which combines alcohol and a remedy for drunken food cravings means that students will no longer have to fork out for a post-night out binge at Salt and Pepper!

Bacon Vodka

Vodka flavours are normally of the fruity variety, sickly sweet and only to be consumed in a drunken haze, but thanks to companies such as Black Rock Spirits you can now buy vodka with a more hefty, savoury taste. Bacon vodka is now available to the masses, delivering a vodka that maintains its crisp, clear profile whilst capturing the unique taste of freshly cooked bacon. Many will shy away from any kind of drink that contains meat, its not something people would put together. It only takes a logical carnivore to appreciate the genius of the concept and embrace it: bacon+booze, what's not to like?! Currently only available on the internet, its surely just a matter of time before this revolutionary idea is available at the campus Costcutter.

BRING BACK THE SWING! On the 6th of June, 1944, D-Day parties were thrown all over Britain to celebrate the end of the Second World War. This month, Straight Line is celebrating the 68th anniversary of the event with a 1940s-themed D-Day party in The Duchess.

Expect traditional wartime attire, traditional 1940s dancing and, less traditionally, Dubstep!

Replacing bombs with lasers, Straight Line puts a unique 21st century twist on the original D-Day party by combining "hip 40s swing" with electronic dance music and lasers for 'BLITZ: Bring Back the Swing!'

Air-raid sirens will signal drinks deals,

and wartime music will be given a Dubstep edge as The Ross Sisters meet Skrillex for this unique event.

Straight Line promises “a night less

ordinary” to mark the anniversary of Operation Neptune, the greatest offensive victory of British military history.

It's fancy dress, so bring out a World War Two military jacket and a medal of honour (but leave your weapons at home!)

Or a vintage dress and enjoy cheap drinks and a peculiar 1940s swingDubstep hybrid.

This very special event will start in The Duchess at 10pm on Wednesday the 6th of June. Tickets are on sale now for £3.50 and will be £5 on the door. Check out the Facebook event page for more details!

FILM

An icon of the '90s, Vision charts the ups and downs of Will Smith's career so far...

In the run up to his latest release, Rory McGregor explores how Ridley Scott redefined sci-fi and why you should be excited for Prometheus.

H O T Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (1990-96) Despite all his big blockbusters, it's this TV hit which Will Smith is still most remembered for.

WILL-O-METER

Men in Black (1997) This sci-fi comedy packs big laughs and an innovative concept, making it one of Will Smith's bests.

C O L D

Independence Day (1996) Known for its iconic scenes (who could forget the White House exploding?), it suffers from some stereotypical characters and weak dialogue.

Hancock (2008) Gone are the days of tie-dye tshirts, here Will Smith is the ultimate superhero. But the film ultimately fails to deliver in a monotonous second-half.

Wild Wild West (1999) This steampunk western action-comedy aims to parody the traditional Western genre, but audiences ended up laughing at it, not with it.

The year is 1979. It’s been 10 years since Kubrick showed, with 2001: A Space Odyssey, that big blockbuster Sci-Fi films were possible and two years since Star Wars blitzed the box office in 1977. Audiences went to watch Alien with a Tattooine induced, intergalactic blockbuster expectation and came away with something new, different and scary. Alien emerged and made sure that no sci-fi film would be the same again.

The eerie confined spaces of The Nostromo created a new claustrophobic feel to space that was absent from the epic galactic blockbusters that preceded it. Never has a tagline ("In Space No One Can Hear You Scream") been so fitting for a film.

However, that is not to say that jumpy scifi was a revolutionary concept; what set Alien apart from its contemporaries was its unique ability to unite the suspense of horror and the narrative of sci-fi into a blockbuster epic. It also effectively used visuals as a terror-inducing device. Films such as Day of the Triffids had the ability to spook audiences, but were often tacky and more focussed on entertaining than terrifying. Scott's artistic vision, a strong element in all of his films (even those such as Robin Hood, that struggled with lukewarm plots) was supplemented by

Swiss surrealist and VFX supervisor H. R. Giger, creating a darkness, claustrophobia and emptiness not embodied by any film before. Alien was the first true sci-fi horror film and its impact at the time was best conveyed by Editor Terry Rawlings, who claimed the preview of the film was the "most incredible" one he’d ever been in and "people were screaming and running out of the theatre."

So why does this mean you should see Prometheus? Well, Sir Ridley Scott is back for the first time in 30 years to the genre he pretty much revolutionised, and he’s back with a punch. The trailer conveys what seems to be an intelligent plot with Ridley-esque beautiful visuals. The only worry is that one of the writers is Jon Spaihts who crafted last year’s terrible Darkest Hour, but everyone deserves a second chance, right?

Regardless, it's clear that Ridley is a visual Director. Even if the dialogue is substandard, you can be sure Prometheus is likely to be one of the most aesthetically pleasing releases that will hit cinemas this year.

N EW S The name's Fleming, Ian Fleming Filmmaking prodigy Duncan Jones (Moon, Source Code) is set to direct a biopic on Ian Fleming, author of the James Bond series. Jones commented that the author, who lived though WWII, "witnessed heroism first-hand. And he saw what evil men could do. Then, when the war ended, he went off to write fiction. The essential question for me is: Where did Ian Fleming end and Bond begin?" Jones has based his movie around screenwriter Matthew Brown's adaptation of Andrew Lycett's biography on Fleming. It has been described as a 'period action film' in an attempt to spice the film up and reflect Fleming's life which contained drama, obviously not as elaborate his character James Bond's, but still very interesting. The film is likely to be officially announced soon, meaning the film will come out plenty of time after the latest take on Bond by Sam Mendes in Skyfall, due to be released in October of this year. If this isn’t enough Bond related news, a trailer teaser for Skyfall has just hit cinemas and the internet.

Something to get your claws into...

After 18 months of delays, filming will finally resume in August for a sequel to X-Men Origins: Wolverine, starring Hugh Jackman. The sequel, aptly named The Wolverine, will be set in Japan and will also include Marvel fan favourites Deadpool and Gambit, setting them up for possible spinoffs. Wolverine is due for release in 2013.

Bane vs. Batman In a recent interview with Rolling Stone magazine The Dark Knight Rises Director Christopher Nolan has stated that he wanted the main antagonist of his new film to be more of a monster than the Joker. Nolan commented: "we didn’t want to compete with Heath. We wanted more of a monster – Bane’s the man who physically breaks Batman. It’s an irresistible force versus an immovable object." To considerably switch up Bane’s costume, Nolan apparently combined World War II imagery and French Revolutionary romanticism with influences from Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities... an odd mix to say the least.

Men In Black 3 Men in Black 3, while formulaic, is a definite improvement on the previous installments in the franchise. A plot twist that delves into Agent J's past saves the film from being too predictable and fleshes out the dimensions of Will Smith’s muchloved character. Although confusing paradoxes emerge, the inclusion of time travel provides intricacy and means that the film does not conform to the usual linear format of action comedies.

MIB3 does not exactly start well- the opening scene proves that Nicole Scherzinger's talents clearly do not include acting and Boris the Animal's comebacks are uninspired and clichéd. Jermaine Clement fails in his attempts to appear villainous and threatening, a flaw which is only slightly remedied

by Mary Vogt's inventive costume design. Similarly, although the alien special effects are as creative and gruesome as in both previous Men in Black films, Clement's lack of any kind of sinister air makes Boris the Animal a caricature who is obviously incapable of posing any kind of threat to Earth.

However, the film instantly picks up with Smith's entrance as Agent J who sparks great chemistry with both Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin (As old and young Agent K respectively). Although the writing is often stock and unoriginal, Smith manages to make every joke hilarious and revitalizes the overused cold and emotionless cop/wisecracking and light hearted cop combination. Alongside his pithy playfulness, Smith’s Agent J is a well of depth thanks to the moving and emotional twist near the end, execut-

Moonrise Kingdom Dir. Wes Anderson

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lutching a Françoise Hardy record, a kitten and a set of binoculars, 12-year-old Suzy Bishop (Kara Hayward) finds herself in a field facing fellow 'problem child' Sam Shakusky (Jared Gilman). With his coonskin cap and corncob pipe, Sam could not clash more with the 60's glamour of his pen-pal Suzy, but this is exactly the point: Moonrise Kingdom is a movie about individuality.

On the idyllic archipelago of New Penzance, Sam and Suzy panic the island’s adults, running away to a deserted beach where they construct their own world.

Mature beyond their years, both children are outsiders in their homes, a boy scout camp and a life-sized dolls house where their parents and acquaintances isolate them for their idiosyncrasies. The beach, which they christen “Moonrise Kingdom”, becomes their own Utopia. Wes Anderson’s films are marked by their blend of whimsy and antiquity, rejecting modern day norms in favour of a fairy tale escapade through an alien world. Moonrise Kingdom is the ultimate example of this.

Anderson blends wit, wisecracks and woe into 94 minutes (With Bruce Willis and Ed Norton thrown in). The strong performances, quirky camera angles and stunning sets have the charm of an antique Polaroid, and like a Polaroid, the longer this film develops, the more outstanding the beauty.

Alysia Judge

Dir: Barry Sonnenfield

ed perfectly by both Brolin and Smith, with Brolin and Jones working well to provide a complete portrayal of the mysterious K. Time travel in the film is not always projected coherently and contradictions arise. However, the time jump means that O, K and J are given multiple dimensions and their motives and personalities are explained. Without the inclusion of a younger K, most viewers would be unable to feel any sympathy towards the older K. The two protagonists' shared past strengthens the connection between them and explains the warmth behind their unlikely friendship. The conspiracy surrounding time travel erodes trust for the agency and, while the mystery could have been fleshed out further, the fact that there are secrets which even Agent J is left unaware of heightens interest.

The film is altogether predictable and unoriginal but it is held up by strong performances from Smith, Brolin, Jones and Thompson. Unfortunately, MIB3’s Achilles heel is its onedimensional villain, made all the more childish and ludicrous by both his ridiculous name and the ridiculous title of his species, the ‘Bogladites’. Many of his motives go unexplained, making it difficult to understand or see him as at all dangerous. However, some aspects of the plot are strong, and the film certainly does elicit some laughs, particularly when Lady Gaga and Justin Bieber are revealed to be mother and baby alien. The film is not a must-see but it is definitely entertaining and an improvement on Men in Black 2.

What to Expect When You're Expecting Dir. Kirk Jones

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his is a film about 5 couples, going through their own individual romantic trials and tribulations which all intricately linked. Also, they’re all pregnant. Good God, I think to myselfit’s like Love Actually got Knocked Up. Initially the film is marred, though it does live up to this strange mixture of standards. The overall tone seems confused between rom-com clichés (a high maintenance first mother, the desperate parents adopting a child from Ethopia, a young couple completely unprepared after a one night stand) and the gross out gags of a “lads’ film” (pregnant women throwing up, and a hideously cringeworthy scene with a moment of incontinence when giving the guest speech at a convention).

However, for all its sloppiness the film has an undeniable charm. It begins with each couple watching “Celebrity Dance Factor”, in a parody of reality programmes that continues with Cameron Diaz hosting weight loss programme “Lose it and Weep”. A hidden gem in the film is clueless shop assistant Janice, played by comedienne Rebel Wilson- her lines had me cracking up despite my determination to remain critical. I was inevitably won over by the end of the film, because when you look past the strange mix of humour, it is an easy going film about love and friendship. Or perhaps I’m just sucker for romance.

Louise Jones

Zena Jarjis muses on whether the latest in the MIB franchise lived up to the hype...

hh

The Raid

Dir. Gareth Evans

What's on at

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he Raid sees an Indonesian SWAT team launch an offensive on a fifteen storey apartment block with the express purpose of taking out the evil, drug running crime lord, Tama Riyadi, (played by Ray Sahetaphy), who is holed up on the top floor. Matters quickly become complicated as Tama becomes alerted to their presence by a sentinel when the team have only just made it 6 floors up.

To make matters worse, it is at this point that the team learns their mission has not been officially sanctioned and thus they cannot call for reinforcements. A fight to the death ensues, criminals coming at the SWAT team with all manner of weapons.

If you enjoy action movies, this film is all you can ask for. A crazy roller coaster of breathtaking martial arts moves, pain, blood and, of course, death. It involves very little character exposition as Evans sets out to keep the audience captivated with 101 minutes of almost constant violence and mayhem. The martial arts choreography is quite simply fantastic, largely because of the fight scenes devised

by Iko Uwais, who also plays the film's protagonist Rama, and Yayan Ruhian, as experts in the Indonesian martial art of Pencak Silat. The barbarity of The Raid may put many off but if you enjoy witnessing demented bloodbaths you'll love this movie.

The Dictator Sasha Baron Cohen is Back Screening throughout May

Will Barnes

The Monk (Le Moine) A gripping take on Matthew Lewis's acclaimed Gothic novel

film@yorkvision.co.uk

N O I S I TELEV ? r a t s o e id v e h t d le Internet kil looks

Nibblets of the crunchiest TV news

ube, RHIAN McLAUGHLIN uT Yo d an s ne iTu on sic mu of With the ready availability it will continue to survive. r he et wh d an l ne an ch sic mu back at the evolution of the

O

n 1st August 1981, the first music channel, MTV, began transmission with the video for the aptly named ‘Video Killed the Radio Star’ by The Buggles.

Going beyond their original premise of videos being guided by on-air hosts, MTV’s programming started with basic videos offered without charge by the music industry. However, directors rapidly became interested in producing dramatic and creative pieces, the channel becoming influential in promoting new performers, including Madonna, through extended airtime of her videos.

Arguably popularising the link between music and video that remains today.

As time has progressed, numerous other music channels - Viva, 4Music and Kiss to name but a few, have sprung up alongside MTV to offer alternative sources for viewing music videos on the television. However, popular innovations such as YouTube and iTunes have taken away the unique selling point of the music channels by offering us the opportunity to watch videos on demand on the internet, potentially rendering the music channels useless. Yet this could well be too harsh a judgement on an industry which has adapted to keep up with the changing times in a variety of ways, and arguably still has something to offer the viewer.

MTV was adapting from the late 1980s, with the addition of new programmes to keep viewers interested, and of course not forgetting the traditional music video schedule which characterised their channel.

Shows such as The Real World and The Osbournes were well received by audiences, and as music videos became more readily available from other sourc-

es, music channels have continued to invest in this area. Jersey Shore, The Hills and similar programmes have attracted a considerable fan base and on some channels now dramatically outweigh music videos in terms of airtime, responding to audience demand.

Music channels have also branched out, offering the viewer documentaries, celebrity interviews, game shows, award ceremonies and news. As well as providing coverage of live music events and benefit concerts.

Viva has carved itself a niche in the market by showing old favourites, such as The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, at popular viewing times. Even if trash TV is not to your taste, developments such as Think MTV, the umbrella for MTV’s programmes and campaigns connected to social activism, show that the music channels are reaching out to a far broader audience than simply those wanting to view music videos.

YouTube is the clear winner if the users aim is to find a specific music video they are already aware of, watch this video and be directed to videos by the same artist. For a more general audience

NEWS BITES!

By Sian Gardiner

however, the opportunity to see new music videos without needing to personally find them is surely beneficial.

Even if viewers have more specific musical interests, the development of music channels tailored to a particular genre, such as Kerrang! for rock music, Magic for retro records and MTV Dance for dance music, means that videos likely to be appreciated by the audience will be shown in succession. Of course, some videos played on music channels that are not to the viewer’s taste are inevitable, which would not be the case on YouTube.

In my opinion, this is a small price to pay for the opportunity to be introduced to numerous new videos that the viewer might otherwise have been unaware of. Generally, music channels tend to be used as background entertainment, rather than being given the viewer’s undivided attention, so the occasional bad video is surely not too much of a problem. This leads to the question: why not just put a music station on the radio, or use Spotify?

In some circumstances, such as when music is needed at a party, this is a fair point. However, in other cases there is something to be said for the addition of a visual output, either for giving greater clarity to the meaning of the song or simply to provide something entertaining which only demands a low level of attention. Adding a layer of significance that may not have been considered by bridging the artistic and visual gap Video may well have killed the radio star, but YouTube and Spotify have yet to put the final nail in the coffin of the music channels, suggesting that videos will remain popular despite the preference for quick and convenient over visually stimulating.

Robbie Williams is set to take a place alongside Take That bandmate Gary Barlow as a guest judge on the next series of The X Factor. Rod Stewart is also set to make an appearance, perhaps hoping the Pop legend will prove as popular as old favourite Tom Jones's stint on the BBC's The Voice.

Steve Coogan's legendary DJ and talk show host alter ego Alan Partridge is set to return to our screens, with several new shows lined up for Sky Atlantic. Coogan is quoted as saying that,'Alan has been off the TV for too long [but] feels the second decade of the millennium is the right time.'

North Wales police have referred Sky News to the Crown Prosecution Service following the accidental broadcast of the name of the rape victim of recently jailed Ched Evans, the Sheffield United player.

Former children's presenter Michaela Strachan is returning to the BBC as presenter of Springwatch. This could prove popular since Strachan reportedly became somewhat of an unlikely sex symbol after appearances in nature programmes including The Really Wild Show and The Animal Planet network.

Remotes at the ready - our TV picks entice he Appr

T

Wh

d? o's fire

Who will be next in the firing line?

Where will the next challenge take this bunch of supposed ‘entrepreneurs’?

We predict Nick Holzherr for the win but only time (and the boardroom) will tell.

Wednesday, BBC1, 9pm.

The Big

Not to b

Bang T

e missed

heory

The recent, sudden disappearance of Amy Farrah Fowler had little effect on the dynamic of this quirky, American comedy.

Bazinga!

Welcome back Amy, oh how we've missed you!

Thursday, E4, 8pm

I Lie to Would

You?

wcase

sho Comedy

Rob Brydon hosts this laughathon accompanied by Lee Mack and David Mitchell, as team captains, and this week joined by guests Bob Mortimer, Patsy Kensit, Greg Davies and Richard Osman.

Friday, BBC1, 8.30pm

TV Ads: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

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Box set

The Good: The Guardian

When I first saw this advert, for some reason I thought it was a scene from Sherlock Holmes. The genius of it is that it takes a story we’re all familiar with and turns it on its head. Who would ever think of blaming the pigs? Or that ‘their motives were financial’? One of the reasons I find this advert superior to the rest is that it is so different from all the other trashy ads we’re constantly bombarded with. It is totally believable (if you take away the little pigs part), and there are definitely times when certain news stories spark debates and wide media reactions. Let’s hope we see more of the Guardian’s witty advertising in the near future.

New Girl

Just thinking of these horrendous adverts makes me break out in hives.

From the cheesy pop song covers to the unexplained ‘X’ at the end of every single advert, it just grates on me. I mean what does the ‘X’ have to do with Halifax? Every time I think of Halifax, ‘’I’m Walking On Sunshine’ comes into my head. I can never tell what any of their special offers are though - maybe it's because the minute it comes on I immediately stop paying attention. They’re a bank, they have enough money to pay for better advertisements! They've run with the same lame concept for years, I think it's time they thought of another: one that doesn't make people switch off.

The Ugly: GoCompare

For the last three years, we have been forced to listen to the warblings of the GoCompare man. Words cannot describe how annoying this advert is. I hate that I know the words to that cheesy song, but what choice do I have? It is everywhere. The different variations, though torturous, have made GoCompare millions; sadly making it highly successful yet extremely annoying advertising. Its success does not change the fact that every time I see the star of the ad, Gio Compario (who is actually a classically trained opera singer in real life), I want to pull that annoyingly fake moustache from his face and shove it down his throat.

Desperate Housewives

By Keruschka Shunmugam

SQUARE EYEs

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lanet Earth Live launched onto our screens on Sunday 6th May at 7.50pm. A time when, as Richard Hammond explains in his report from Africa, even the wildebeest are settling down for bed.

The shows unique selling point of being a live broadcast has been confronted with the commercial need to air at the ideal 7pm-10pm slot on British television, an issue which not only means the extraordinary wildlife are reduced to blurry shapes on thermal imaging cameras, but leave the presenters, well how shall we say it. Not on top form.

I recommend catching up on one of David Attenborough’s original series instead; a man who studied Geology and Zoology at Cambridge and has successfully presented wildlife shows for over 50 years can truly be relied upon for his genuine knowledge of all things animal. By contrast Richard Hammond and Julia Bradbury desperately lack his gentle tones and intricate knowledge.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d happily listen to Hammond’s Top Gear reports, possibly even pay attention to Julia Bradbury’s walking shows (if procrastination got that bad) but when it comes to wildlife it is clear they know little more than I do about the animals the show follows.

By dressing ridiculously, Hammond appears to be trying to settle into his new character but even the darkness can’t conceal his poor acting and thinly veiled boredom as he stalls for time until the next clip is shown (a clip which is pre-recorded and therefore not live, may I add).

He can revert to drawing out mundane details about the animals he has no passion for. Give him a car to play with and leave the animal documentaries to people who know what they’re talking about.

Crossing the globe again and again, mixing between live shots and pre-recordings; the show is as hard to follow as Attenborough’s legacy. Bradbury, walk on. And for the love of God take the idiot in the hat with you, it is wildly unsuited to educating the masses about the science of bear scent.

Claire Hogarth

56 Up Monday, 9pm, ITV1

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aid to be one of the most revealing snapshots of British life today, 56 Up is a breath of fresh air in amongst a stream of redundant reality TV. Filmed every seven years, this documentary charts the life of 14 individuals taken from various social backgrounds around Britain. Initially seen as something of a social experiment (almost 50 years ago), 56 Up aims to show you what life’s all about. In the first episode of this threeparter we get to meet three of the participants, Sue, Neil and Paul.

Starting off the show in a rather upbeat fashion was Sue. Engaged and rather happy, Sue found her calling, after years of uncertainty, as a course administrator at QMUL’s Law department. Fearless and bubbly, her story was incredibly uplifting, as she proves that, with determination and hard work. anything is possible.

We then moved on to the shy Paul. Out of the three people we saw in the first instalment, he seemed to show the least progression; he was still that nervous little boy interviewed as a seven year-old, and it made rather sad viewing. Now living in Australia, he is married and grandfather to

Vision's TV team lend advice on what shows to catch up on:

If you haven’t already seen the New Girl on the block, then you better get started this summer in preparation for season two. This fun, quirky show is like Friends, but with benefits, and the adorable Zooey Deschanel thrown in.

Ending with a dance off to AC/DC’s 'You Shook Me All Night Long', we feel relieved that Nick returns to the loft and reunites the gang. But are Nick and Jess going to finally pair off? Is this the end of Cece and Schmidt?

Can we handle this?! What is Winston’s crazy boss going to pull on him next season?

The episode quenches our thirst but has us hooked and wanting more. By Judith Marzo

The Bad: Halifax

Planet Earth Live Sunday 7:50pm, BBC1

Your Next...

several children.

The final and most interesting story of all was Neil’s. As a young boy he had hopes of going to Oxford University, but all dreams of an elite education were sullied due to various health issues. After a long period of being homeless and roaming the unforgiving terrain of the Scottish highlands, he finally sorted his life out and became a Lib Dem councillor.

I fully appreciated 56 Up. Pure and unpretentious, the show was brilliantly constructed, and while it was shockingly depressing at times, it showed a realistic representation of 60’s British life, and unpredictable nature of life's course.

Original in its premise, we might never again have a show capable of charting normal lives across a period of such drastic social change.

Morgan Jeffrey Collins

The final episode of Desperate Housewives marks the end of a golden television legacy. The finale, burdened with the task of giving its devoted viewers a satisfying goodbye, ensured the housewives went out with a bang. A trial, a wedding, a birth and a death all culminated in the ladies leaving the neighbourhood for good. Satisfyingly, viewers were given an insight into the ladies' lives post suburbia: Lynette and Tom make a new start in New York, while Gabby takes the Home Shopping Network in California by storm, and Bree moves to Louisville, where she becomes a conservative politician (girl power!). With Susan driving past Mike Delfino's ghost in the closing scenes, expect to shed a few tears. By Lucia Linares

Mad Men

As Mad Men season five delves deeper into the swinging '60s, we watch the scotch guzzling ad men struggle with the dramatic cultural developments that have started to surface ones that are not to be missed. Feminism abounds in the latest season: Don Draper appears somewhat tamed by the glamorous Megan, who commandeers one of their greatest sales, while Peggy stands up to the men of the office and resists marriage for more casual living arrangements (much to her traditional Mother’s disgust). The young Sally Draper continues to deliver an impressive performance, with her stay with Don prompting her to comment that Manhattan is ‘dirty’. With the show’s usual mix of secrets and sex, she isn’t far wrong. By Sian Gardiner

Grey’s Anatomy

With Patrick Dempsey’s reported reluctance to sign up for a final season, it will come as a relief to the show’s fans that they can look forward to seeing him return for one final run of the popular medical drama. The most recent series saw the usual mixture of highs and lows in the lives of the doctors at Seattle Grace Hospital. Years of hard work paid off as we see the original cast becoming certified surgeons. While some may despair at yet another medical disaster striking, you can’t fail to be moved by the emotional scenes of the season finale. Stranded in the aftermath of a plane crash, will their medical knowhow ensure their rescue? By Sian Gardiner

tv@yorkvision.co.uk

Lear, There and Everywhere Turns out dark-skinned brooding foundling is more myself than I am! Hope hubby won't mind, he's so sensitive... @PhilipWatson

fortune with large ers for Single man ht ug of five da e on s ek nal bagse with emotio ductive wife. Comes se ildhood, a ch om fr gage tism and mild au arch enemy g ellin @MaddyP

While for most literary lovers, this year is a celebration of the bicentenary of Dickens' birth, 2012 also marks the bicentenary of the lesser known but equally prolific Victorian writer, Edward Lear. Often disregarded as a poet for children, or for those who have no appreciation of the seriousness of the genre, Lear's work is in fact a maze of wonderful and exciting creations, encompassing not only the written word, but illustration, landscape painting and musical composition.

Lear's life was as troubled as any of his more gothic contemporaries. The twentieth child in a family of twentyone, he suffered from epilepsy from an early age. His condition filled him with shame and inhibited his social interactions and stunted his self-worth for the rest of his life. Having moved out of the crowded family home at a young age, Lear was already drawing for money by the time he was sixteen, developing a passion for the animal kingdom that would feed into much of his later work.

It is perhaps for his poem The Owl and the Pussycat that Lear is best known, a prime example of the "Nonsense" subgenre that he pioneered. Replying to the ardent protestations of love from his friend the Owl, the Pussycat replies, "How charmingly sweet you sing!/ O let us be married! too long we have tarried:/ But what shall we do for a ring?"

It is for lines like these that Lear's poetry is often overlooked as works of childish simplicity and viewed almost as nursery rhymes rather than works of literature. However, there is much beauty to be found in Lear's work, despite the fantastical nature of his tales. There

2 b or not 2 b..? @AlysiaJudge

vers hot chick Young boy disco Shame about e. us ho in massive il with the ve crazy old lady in clocks. @LouisaHann

Wealthy bootleg ger tries to win back lost love by throw ing parties. Does n’t quite go to plan.

Clinginess leads to watery grave. @AlexFinnis

has been much speculation over his sexuality, with many biographers arguing that Lear was gay. There is a pain implicit in much of his work, hidden behind a veil of frivolity.

An apparently superficial poem like The Owl and the Pussycat hides a tale wherein lovers, seemingly without a specific gender, sail away from their home in search of a land in which they can marry after years of apparent struggle. Perhaps I am guilty of reading too much into this particular poem. However, many advocates of Lear's work have begun to stress the importance of the writer's life in his work. Writing in The Telegraph earlier this month, Peter Swaab remarked that in his poetry Lear was essentially "keeping the lid on desperation by making a joke of it."

Whether or not we can view the owl and the pussycat as star-crossed lovers, we can certainly view them as creations with meaning beyond that of their surface tale. So perhaps this year, alongside Bleak House or David Copperfield, there will be readers out there who reach for Edward Lear and discover a true depth in the work of a brilliant and tortured man.

Sophie Wooton

MORE THAN A GRIPPING READ...

We've all done it; had that feeling when you're so immersed in a great story that you make such a strong connection with one of the characters and actually start to feel their pains and desires. You see things and relate to other people through their mindset, attitudes and prejudices: in short, you begin to act and think as if you are them.

There have been many studies on this deep and fascinating literary experience whereby a person seemingly comes right out of the page to entice you into their world (Tom Riddle's diary *ahem*); it begs the question whether it is safe to read books! A friend recommended a novel called Wuthering Heights to me and the character named Heathcliffe.

Strange name, I thought, but fair enough. Betraying my ignorance of eighteenth-century society literature, I had expected to be connecting to a generically upper-class upstanding gentleman wooing a sheltered beautiful maiden in a thoroughly honourable and respectable, if not a little clichéd, manner. I couldn't have been further from the truth in what this story draws one into.

Thought up by the reclusive Emily Brontë, Heathcliff must be one of the most animalistic, destructive yet fascinating characters ever constructed. He has a unique passion, and it is this which draws the reader in. Heathcliffe, a mere 'gypsy' in comparison to Edgar Linton, who is his antithesis, nurses incurable wounds which imbue him with an intense anguish and

unbridled focus to recover his lost soul-mate. Heathcliffe is brooding, single-minded and sees the idea to have a right to somebody else's heart in a manner so total it would make us baulk, but his twisted form of obsessive longing nevertheless reflects a passion so pure that can only be described as unadulterated love. While Heathcliff may be something of an exaggerated romantic anti-hero, his potential for an all-consuming love mirrors the deepest and most powerful desires that lie, dormant yet intrinsic, within every one of us.

His actions not only defy all notions of social decency and moral values, but actually break the lives, marriages, families, reputations and hearts of every single other character (including his own wife and child). He is a character repulsive but yet enthralling, and long after the final page of Wuthering Heights is closed, one is left with both a feeling of lingering guilt and staggering awe as the reader is left to question how much they truly love somebody.

James Carr

1) Wuthering Heights- Emily Bronte 2)2) Pride & Prejudice- Jane Austen 3) Hamlet- WIlliam Shakespeare 4) Great Expectations- Charles Dickens 5) The Great Gatsby- F. Scott Fitzgerald

One

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With the rapid rise of the e-reader, (that is, portable reading devices such as the Amazon Kindle and the Apple iPad) the market for erotic fiction- which was formerly a more, shall we say, niche literary genre- has enjoyed a similar growth in popularity. This correlation, however, is not at all coincidental; it appears that with the public’s embrace of the e-reader so too have the social taboos surrounding, and consequential embarrassment about, the purchasing and perusal of erotic fiction been shed by consumers of erotica. So this begs the question: why the new-found temerity in the indulgence of what can be dubbed as ‘e-rotica’?

The answer is not hard to find. Essentially, an instant, quasianonymous download of a work of erotica onto an e-reader is understandably far more preferable to consumers of such fiction than having to, for instance, walk into a local Waterstones. Peruse the painfully euphemised ‘Adult’ section in full view of the smirking denizens of the adjacent Classics section, then proceed to purchase said literature and there face the dreaded yet inevitable surreptitious raised eyebrow of the cashier. Additionally, erotica novels have notoriously tawdry and sometimes downright indecent covers, and naturally no-one wants to face the unspoken public shame of reading a book with a cover sporting a pair of enormous bosoms overlaid with nauseating pink font denoting the titular (no pun intended) ‘Overworked Underpaid Secretary & The Relentless Grecian Boss’. The e-reader of course has no such means to advertise whatever one may be reading, and thus this element of anonymity in public spaces means that consumers can read erotica wherever they desire and with total impunity if it is contained within their e-reader.

One of the most popular erotic novels of recent years, E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey, was first sold solely as an ebook, and was only printed to order. With the extraordinary

Funny Ha Ha?

success of the e-version, however, independent publisher, The Writer’s Coffee Shop, began to mass print Fifty Shades and the resultant hard copy (seriously, no pun intended) was even more successful than its digital counterpart, with sales reaching somewhere around 60,000 copies per week in Britain. This provides refreshing antithesis to the tiresome argument that e-readers work in detriment to written literature; instead, it seems, the e-reader has the potential to revitalise the erotic literature market by removing the social stigma which has hitherto strangulated its paperback sales.

The PG Wodehouse Prize awards prizes for comic fiction, and this year it brings an exciting and interesting shortlist to us.

The phenomenon of the rise of ‘e-rotica’ can thus be condensed down to this; that e-readers do not lend themselves to embarrassment. One could have a collection of the most depraved, most profligate novels on their e-reader, and to all the world they could just as well be reading Anna Karenina. Perhaps the ethics of ‘e-rotica’ could be called into question here, but that is most definitely a different debate altogether.

The contenders are comprised of Terry Prachett's 39th novel, Snuff, from his phenomenally successful Discworld series, Sue Townsend's The Woman Who Went to Bed For a Year, John O'Farrell's The Man Who Forgot His Wife, Julian Gough's Jude in London and John Lanchester's Capital.

Philip Watson

Lanchester is perhaps not the most likely candidate for the Wodehouse prize in that his novel deals with post-economic crash London. But Peter Florence - director of the Hay festival and Wodehouse prize judge, is happy not just with Capital's inclusion but with the entire selection, as it "resonates with lots of the verbal wit, delightful characterisation and satirical edge of Wodehouse's own work."

The award's namesake is Sir Pelham Grenville Wodehouse, author of the Jeeves and Wooster series and numerous other humorous works, who enjoyed vast popularity and almost universal critical acclaim in his 70year writing career for his original, dry and quintessentially English wit.

Kickstarter

This week in FIVE THINGS: Five geeky inventions

Does crowdfunding really work?

By Vish Nithi

W

ith technology expanding and developing at a faster rate than ever, Kickstarter has utilized a new form of technological development: crowd funding. With the slogan, 'Fund & Follow Creativity', Kickstarter is a new website dedicated to those with creative interests in inventions. With a variety of sections including art, design, fashion and technology, it allows users to submit an idea in return for potential funding to bring the idea into reality.

The website, founded in 2008 by the trio of Perry Chen, Yancey Strickler, and Charles Adler, first made its major breakthrough when the idea of Pebble received unprecedented amounts of funding support. Clever in concept, it essentially functions as a smartwatch that synchronises with any smartphone to provide incoming calls, text and email alerts. Pebble is packed with a variety of features including Bluetooth 2.0, a backlight for night-time use and a battery that can last a week.

The website also uses a very appealing system of rewards and stories in order to draw fundraisers and donators to-

gether. The rewards system allows the level of donation from a member to be appreciated through appropriate measures. For example, a donation of $1 provides users with exclusive updates on Pebble. An $80 donation, however, will guarantee you the watch itself once it has been invented. Stories provide updates through blogs and videos in order to keep backers up to date with the development of a product, allowing insight into

the entire production life rather than just acquiring the finished product.

However, Kickstarter is not just limited to inventions. A good part of its appeal comes from the potential for charities and even upcoming musicians trying to make their sounds available.

The freedom to come up with whatever you like as a concept makes it very desirable as a way of communicating with the entire world. You can even find some ideas from upcoming film producers.

I believe Kickstarter has been missing from our online world for quite some time now. If anything, it shows us the power that we have collectively over our abilities alone. It requires no more than one person to suggest an idea and potentially revolutionize an entire market. With over $175 million dollars pledged on a host of ideas that may never have come about without the website, it really is the next step forward in creative thinking.

It seems that Kickstarter has been very well thought through with the website offering a variety of features on top of the fundamental idea. Facebook Connect allows you to share your concept creation with your friends and family. Twitter and blog support also means that upcoming projects will begin to spread rapidly.

With no start up costs and funding for small projects under $1000, it gives everyone a great opportunity.

Until recently a niche market, and despite the Mac App Store and the OSX version of digital distribution network Steam, Mac gaming still suffers from dodgy PC translations, and low graphics capabilities. Dan Cornwell tells you three reasonably priced games available for Macs.

Available on both Steam and the App Store, low graphics requirements and occasional bugs don’t mean that this game from BioWare isn’t still one of the better RPGs out there.

Create a character, wield a blaster and horrify your squadmates as you break into people’s flats and rob them of their thermal detonators.

Multifunctional, mysterious and non-aggressive, Doctor Who’s favourite toy is known for opening doors, distracting giant maggots and heating up tea. It’s difficult to say whether or not you should buy a replica – on the one hand, you can pretend to use it; on the other, you’ll realise it doesn’t work.

2. LCARS An acronym for Library Computer Access Retrieval System, Star Trek’s beautiful computer operating system that made its debut in The Next Generation. It wins points for being strangely prophetic, as the crew also carried portable devices running the OS, known as PADDs.

3. Lightsaber Needing little explanation, these have been the inspiration for the world’s best swordfights and YouTube videos alike. The force FX lightsaber, with a metal hilt and motion sensors that trigger realistic (or not) sound effects will only set you back about £120.

4.Iris - Cam From the Artemis Fowl universe, these contact lenses can zoom, record and transmit video, no doubt in HD. The only downside was a sharp pain when switching between modes.

See http://bbc.in/IJTZMs for an article on just how close this technology might be to being realised.

5. Gravity Gun

SPOTLIGHT ON: MAC GAMING

Knights of the Old Republic

1. Sonic Screwdriver

BIOSHOCK

Plants vs. Zombies

A well-made port available on the App Store. This classic, known for its artdeco style runs convincingly on midrange Macs. The spiritual successor to System Shock, it blends action and RPG elements together with a decent story and beautiful setting to make one of the more memorable games of our generation.

This cartoony turret-defence style game pits your garden against wave after wave of hungry zombies. Both funny and fun, it boasts a bright and colourful visual style that isn’t teamed often enough with complex gameplay as it is here. Cheap too, going for £6.99 on the App Store.

The iconic weapon, masquerading as a scientific tool, is one of the key ingredients that make Half-Life 2 and the following instalments as good as they are. Pick up barrels and throw them at foes with the greatest of ease.

Rumour Mill

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@YorkVisionTech

Software developer Valve seems to be breaking into hardware - the company recently opened applications for hardware engineers.

Google's augmented reality glasses project may be with us soon; The New York Times initially suggested that they'd be on sale by the end of 2012, though this is looking increasingly unlikely.

The iDevice peripheral industry is in turmoil after it was suggested that the iPhone 5 may sport a different-shaped connector.

Newton Faulkner chats to Alysia Judge P icture the scene: Newton Faulkner, sitting cross legged, cutting root ginger for the tea he’s making you, whilst you’re playing around on his iPad and chatting about radiohead...

As in people who have radios for heads.

This is the scene of my chat with Newton Faulkner before his gig at The Cockpit, Leeds, slouched in a backroom that, with its curved corrugated iron roof, felt more like a WW2 bomb shelter. It could not have been more surreal.

Nearing the end of his UK tour, Faulkner has proved that he is a master multi-tasker, entertaining crowds for two hours every night as a literal one-man band. One of the world’s most talented guitarists, he is famed for rewriting the rules of guitar playing, able to compose the bass, melody, harmony and rhythm of his songs single-handedly. The task however, of being interviewed whilst simultaneously making tea is clearly a challenge.

“Never has my life reflected my playing to this degree” he manages, as he leaps from the sofa to the counter attempting to track down some honey, a vital ingredient for the germ-repellent brew he’s concocting. “On the road, being ill’s the only thing that can make it not fun. It’s really weird - I can deal with literally any piece of equipment breaking, like we had the pedals go down a couple of nights ago and it just didn’t bother me. I was rearranging stuff as I went.”

This ability to adapt to whatever is thrown his way has served Faulkner well. Following the success of his debut album Handbuilt by Robots, recording on his second ground to a halt after he shattered his right hand just days before he was due in the studio. Rather than despairing, the Brit nominated acoustic virtuoso recovered whilst refining his material, eventually releasing Rebuilt by Humans three years ago.

However, for his newest album Write it on Your Skin (due to be released on July 6), Faulkner has developed an obstinate streak. “The last album was kind of written off the back of recorded success and it was basically trying to chase that because I felt I had to live up to a recorded thing. The radio thing…” he pauses, gesticulating pensively with ginger-chopping knife: “I don’t think it’s naturally where I sit – there’s some stuff that I’ve really had to fight for”.

Who, though, has he had to struggle against? “It’s not a comfortable relationship; the whole art and commerce thing is really tricky. The main difference between this album and any other album I’ve made really is that I’m not really bending on anything. I’ve been pretty brutal, got into a lot of trouble, but it’s good!”

Faulkner’s easy laugh makes it hard to imagine him standing up to a Simon Cowell-esque figure, smoking a cigar behind an oak desk; but the passion with which he describes his music is as vi-

brant as his rusty red dreads. “I very much craft things. And it takes a long time, I’m quite a slow writer partly because of the playing style, which is so intricate that it kind of slows down the process but it’s part of what I do. I don’t want to write songs about nothing - if it’s not going to have any effect on someone other than “That sounds cool” - I don’t see the point. It has to mean something, or at least have the potential to mean something. It’s as much about communication as it is about music.

Tea’s ready!”

Sipping the delicious concoction, I ask Faulkner for the recipe but he just shrugs modestly “There’s no real recipe, it’s just

"I don’t want to write songs about nothing - it has to mean something"

stuff !” Clearly, this man’s desire for the experimental extends even to the teapot.

His music is famed for its unique sound achieved through a huge amount of experimentation with different playingstyles and instruments. When asked what instruments he’s used on this coming album, Faulkner’s face breaks into a grin.

“The Chinese Zither is my favourite.

It’s REALLY cool.” Suddenly he’s like a seven-year-old describing an explosive action sequence from his favourite cartoon. “It’s this weird Asian instrument that goes ‘rrrriiiiingg!!’ and launches a whole section of ‘Longshot’” he gushes, eyes shining. “Then I noticed that the little ching bit of the zither was left open. So I chucked in the Allen key that you use to tune it, pushed it closed and it went BANG. And I was like… “He pauses, pointing over my shoulder with a manic grin “Yooooouu!!!” and that’s on there as well so it literally goes “Rrrrrrriiiiiiin-BANG!” It’s my favourite instrument used on the whole album, I just love it to bits.”

The result of all this experimentation is an album that erupts with creative impulse, an innovative medley of acoustic guitar and…. iPad? “The iPad is amazing.” He enthuses, “One app in particular, the B-bot, is on loads of stuff ! You can use it so much more subtly than you can anything else.

There’s a huge amount of it on the album in a number of different guises.” Pulling out his tablet, Faulkner proceeds to demonstrate the vast array of melodies the tiny robot on his screen can produce. From a strange, UFO-esque warble to the low hum of a hypnotic siren he creates a diapason of sound unlike anything else currently in the charts.

Far from being just a man and a guitar, Faulkner is the Willy Wonka of music, prepared to push the boundaries of innovation. He’s so absorbed by his craft it is difficult to pull him back to the conversation but he eventually admits: “I find keyboards really static somehow because you can’t mess around with them.

Something like the iPad, where I can see the note, I can wiggle around it, I can come back on to it and I can open up filters and stuff manually is so useful. It’s so instant to my brain and just relates really well.”

The intensity of his rapture as his fingers slide across the screen is palpable. Handbuilt by Robots spent over 10 months inside the Top 40 Album Charts

and became one of the Top 20 Biggest Selling UK digital albums of all time, and if his new album captures the passion he radiated in that moment then it will easily achieve such accolades. It has been hard, however, for Faulkner to find time in the midst of writing an album and heading a UK tour to indulge in his talent that made him famous.“I feel like I need to get back more into playing guitar,” he admits sadly. “I’m playing two hour gigs every night but it’s been a long time since I just sat in a room and played for me. When I am on my own, I need to check mixes and answer four hundred emails. Guitar’s what got me to where I am, but now I need a completely new set of skills to survive the challenges that are being thrown at me” To deal with these struggles, Faulkner has built a tight support network of family. “I work with my brother, my sisters, my manager. It’s amazing, it’s so nice, because obviously you know that they’re not just interested in money.”

It’s a unique dynamic that produces his unique sound, and is one that he is clearly happy with. “Musically I’ve actually never felt like this”, he smiles. “I listened through the track listing that I want the album to be and all the very close to final mixes. I’ve never been this proud of anything before. I’ve been fighting tooth and nail on this one. I won’t let it turn out any other way than I want it to.”

Write it on your walls, write it in the streets, write it in the sky: Write it on Your Skin is going to be the summer album of 2012. Newton Faulkner is back.

S N O I EST

20 QU WITH:

S I C N A R F T R A W STE

1. To kick off our quick-fire questions, let’s start at the beginning. What is your earliest memory?

That would have to be graduating from university at 29 years old... before then I think I was just drinking all the time.

2. You're an entertainer, actor, writer, comedian and lots more! Is there anything you're not good at?

No, I’m good at everything. Actually, lying is something I struggle with.

3. You have appeared in numerous television shows, but in terms of your experience, which one was the most rewarding?

My favourite question so far! Probably my sitcom in Canada: “An American in Canada.” It’s an award winning comedy so that’s probably the best of the lot.

4. That was TV, but which do you preferfilm, live stand-up, or television?

Stand up is what I do, but of all of them, I would say acting – it’s the most rewarding. When I get the real opportunity to act in a television show it’s brilliant.

5. Who would you consider to be your best friend?

The folks from Savage Garden; Daniel Jones and Darren Hayes.

6. Politics, philosophy or economics which one is most important?

Err, none are important to me.

7. What is your favourite city, anywhere in the world?

Favourite city that I’ve visited is Hong Kong. I first went on 17th March 2001, and I’ve been going back ever since.

8. If your job wasn't comedy related, what would it be?

Probably a cartoonist – it’s one of my passions. I’ll be publishing a book of cartoons in a year or two.

9. What is your favourite sport and why?

Ice hockey. I play it quite a bit and I have my equipment over here with me and everything. I’m always ready for a game.

10. You have achieved a lot to date, but what would you consider your best accomplishment?

My son, Stewart Francis Junior.

11. Are there any sayings that inspire you?

An apple a day [keeps the doctor away].

When I wake up I always say that. Before I go on stage I always say it, and when I come off stage I always say it. It’s inspirational, and it registered with me when my grandfather said it.

12. What was your happiest moment?

The birth of my third child. Yeah… the other two… I don’t really rate.

13. If someone were to summarise Stewart Francis' typical day, what would they say?

Stewart is one of the most renowned comedians in both the UK and Canada. When it comes to stand-up styles, there’s only one kind of comedy for the Canadian and his famous oneliners on 'Mock The Week' draw huge laughs every week. The much loved comic chats to Oscar Pearson about his memories and aspirations.

Booooring. Umm, that’s it. Just boring.

Loose Women, and cups of tea – that’s me!

14. What do you believe to be man's great est achievement?

Oh boy, that’s a good one. Probably the bookmark.

15. One piece of life advice, please?

Continue breathing!

16. You are an award-winning comic and admired by many, but who is your hero?

For me, it’s American comedian Steve Martin – before he started making crap films, he was a very innovative surreal comedian. I think he’s my hero.

17. If you could sum your career up in one sentence, what would you say?

Half way there. Half way to it being over: I hope to be the first

106-year-old comedian.

One of the oldest comedians at the moment would probably be Don Rickles in the States he’s in his late 80s.

18. Will you still be going then?

A b s o l u t e l y ! I’ve got so many jokes I have to do.

19. Could you tell us a secret?

No. Vision: I’d already had that written down.

Stewart: You’re good!

20. Finally, what global issue would you like to see tackled right now?

The eradication of Peter Andre.