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News

ELI COURT AND ED FRANCIS REVEAL ALL THE LATEST MUSIC NEWS AND GOSSIP

A LAST WEEZE?

Lana Del Rage

WEEZER have been offered $10 million to break up. A disgruntled music fan, claiming that the American pop punk band have never improved on their 1996 album Pinkerton, is attempting to gather the cash in order to pursuade them to give it up before they destroy their legacy.

Blogger James Burns claims that he is sick of feeling let down by new releases that fail to live up to the hype, and believes it would be kinder to the fans if the band stopped making music altogether. "Every year, Rivers Cuomo swears that he's changed, and that their new album is the best thing that he's done since Pinkerton." says Burns. "And what happens?

Another pile of crap like Beverly Hills or I'm Your Daddy."

Weezer needn't worry too much yet; so far Burns has only raised $21 towards his total and has been recieving online death threats from fans angered by his disrespect. Drummer Patrick Wilson seems unruffled, tweeting the other day that "If they can make it to $20 million, we'll do the delux breakup."

AFTER the incredible success following the release of the new single "Video Games" you would expect Lana Del Rey to be delighted with all the hype about her, especially after being named Q Magazine's "Next Best Thing" and becoming an overnight YouTube sensation.

However, the blossoming starlet, famed for her joke level of attractiveness and super sexy image, is not entirely thrilled. In a recent interview Del Rey complained that sceptics are sexist, pointing towards the excessive speculation over her unusually large

RATED THIS MONTH Our reaction to Adele Throat Infection lips and stating "it wouldn't happen if I were a man."

Here at Vision we say sexism?

What sexism? Lighten up sweet cheeks, enjoy your success and stop pouting about the gossip.

RUMOUR HAS IT...

STRAIGHT-talking diva Adele has cancelled all of her remaining 2011 tour dates to undergo vocal cord surgery. The twenty three year old has been forced to publically deny that she is suffering from throat cancer, after intense internet speculation following the announcement.

Adele's representative formally dismissed these rumours, stating that Adele was due to undergo surgery for a haemorrhaged vocal cord and that "all reports regarding any other conditions are a hundred percent false."

After surgery the singer will need to take a substantial rest period in order to avoid causing permanent damage to

that famous voice.

Vision wishes Adele a speedy recovery and would like to reassure readers that there is no need to despair and break down to one of her many ballads; she hopes to resume touring in the new year.

The Low Down On Dowloading YES

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'm not unique in stating that my love of music stems from searching through my parents record collection; it is not just nostalgia which causes us to cling to our CD and vinyl collections as our most prized possessions. In a world where things are increasingly digitized, the musician and his music are becoming increasingly seen as commodities which should be available cheaply and readily.

And downloading music directly to your computer is the easiest way to gain access to the music you want. Done either legally or illegally, it is gradually bankrupting musicians and record companies.

This is due to a decline in profitable sales and increased competition to lower costs which consequently increases the bulge in the wallets of corporate giants who hold monopolies on 'legal' downloading and streaming.

The decline of yet another physical object which the action of downloading replaces, should tug at our heart-strings. The joyous, and now lost, rainy afternoons we spent as kids flicking through our parents records are paralleled by the numerous Kindles, and E-Readers which are gaining more and more popularity. You cannot digitally replicate the feeling of holding a

CD in your hands and opening the case for the first time, or pulling a record out of its sleeve, just as you cannot replicate the feeling of turning the pages of a book.

Surely, even if this argument can be dismissed as old-fashioned, traditionalist and nostalgic it still remains a very pertinant one. At a time when many things are intangible and transitory, is it not human

"You cannot digitally replicate the feeling of holding a CD in your hands and opening the case for the first time" nature to seek comfort in the permanence of things which can be physically grasped and experienced? If downloading means the slow and steady death of CDs and vinyl, then the feelings and emotions those objects provoke in people will fade along with them. By choosing to spend a few more quid to prevent this we can guarantee that we are able not only to appreciate music as it was intended, but that our children can too.

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anything to stop you singing

STACKED up against other high profile celebrity throat infections, Adele’s recent affliction warrants a "Sting-level" of sympathy from Scene; not as devastating to us as the news of Frank Carter of Gallows and Morrissey, but certainly not as well-embraced as those of Kelly Rowland and Liam Gallagher.

SAMUEL STEED AND DANIEL CAVE DEBATE WHETHER DOWNLOADING MUSIC IS KILLING THE INDUSTRY

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Get well soon

hough seeing your collection of CDs and vinyls evolve over a period of time can evoke feelings of nostalgia and pride, it's a bit showy isn't it? Displays of cultural capital, they're used to highlight to others how 'hip' and 'with it' we actually are; when the actual act of listening and consuming music is an extremely personal act. In exactly the same way I purchase books to show potential lovers how intellectual I wish to be, having records on your shelf is a prententious act for the failing bedroom DJ or a desperate attempt to be a social climber.

Anyway, even if you have a valid reason for buying records and CDs, reguarly adding to a physical collection of music just isn’t financially viable for everybody.

With the average price of a singletrack on MP3 download around 79p, and the average price of a vinyl album around £20, for those on a limited budget who still want to own and share music, downloading provides an excellent service.

It is also part of the way consumption works in an increasingly technologically indebted society. We cannot ignore this.

If I were more computer savvy, I’m told I could organise my daily activities, buy my food, read my books, chat to my family

as well as listen to music (the one I currently can do) all from my laptop. Whether we agree with this fast-paced, condensed trend that pervades westernised consumption; it makes sense to not get left behind.

This way of obtaining music not only allows you to own the music you wish to own instantaneously, but can also broaden our musical tastes. Popular platforms such as iTunes and Amazon recommend other tracks, genres and artists you may be interested in based on your purchases.

Yes, this is shameless advertising and commercialism but whilst you probably never knew that downloading Michael Buble displayed your interest in dubstep, iTunes probably does.

D.C.

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espite the debate, the general consensus here at Vision is that whether you download music or not seems rather inconsequential.

Choosing to listen to your music via illegal or legal download, vinyl, CD or good old fashioned Spotify ultimately doesn’t matter. Who cares who gets money and how much, as long as you’re listening to the music that you want when you want to.

WHAT KATE DID

RACHEL PRONGER CHATS TO FOLK SINGER KATE WALSH ABOUT HER NEW ALBUM, WEARING YOUR HEART ON YOUR SLEEVE, AND THE PERILS OF THE INDUSTRY

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oftly spoken singer/songwriter Kate Walsh firstsprang to our attention in 2007 and when her second album Tim’s House topped the iTunes chart, despite the album having been recorded on a shoestring in her producer’s home studio. Classically trained, Walsh turned to song writing in her teens, and she releases her fifth album The Real Thing on 21st November. Her subtle songs brim with emotional intensity, relishing the beauty of a hush with inventive instrumentation.

Your new album The Real Thing is out in November.

Can you describe the record to me? How has your sound progressed on the record?

It’s a live album so it’s just me and my cellist in the studio, no overdubs, no post production, things like that. It’s just the songs as they were written, which is the first time I’ve done that on an album. Progressing-wise I’m stripping back, definitely.

On The Real Thing you’ve avoided overdubbing and fancy production, and instead tried to capture onetake performances. Why is capturing an authentic live sound so important to you? Do you think your classical background has turned you into something of a purist?

Yeah, I would say that. I don’t think it necessarily comes from my classical background but I think it comes from being a songwriter and I never really enjoyed the studio and recording albums because I’m not that interested in recreating and then changing, I like to keep things as they’re written. As soon as you start changing it’s just not as authentic.

You’ve been releasing The Real Thing one track at a month on your website. Why did you decide to release it that way?

For a few reasons. Marketing-wise it was a really good idea because obviously we don’t have the budget that they have at the major record labels so in terms of advertising and promotion we can’t really reach the masses as they can.

But releasing a track a month keeps people interested.

Rather than having one big release in a couple of weeks time when people are already forgetting about you and moving onto the next thing, they’re kind of reminded that Kate Walsh is around and it really helps with the word of mouth thing. Also it kind of works with my disinterest at being in the studio, because it means we just go in, record three or four songs in one day. It’s great for me.

In a lot of ways you seem to be quite a nostalgist - you listen mostly to classic fm, you seem to bemoan the demise of vinyl and CDs, you didn’t own an iPod even when you were top of the iTunes charts. Do you feel that there’s a contradiction between the music you make and the way you have to market it?

I don’t know actually, I wouldn’t really call myself nostalgic, I just don’t really enjoy listening to music downloaded really. I don’t really listen to that much music anymore, I have to be entirely honest. And vinyl, I don’t know where it says about the decline of vinyl cause I’ve never owned a record player! I think we’re just doing what we can with what we have, the means that we have. And I think in a way even though it’s a bit different to the way things have been done, and the way things have been done traditionally that it’s actually keeping it as real as possible. Because the songs are pretty much being released as soon as they are recorded in some instances, and they’re as real as possible, there’s no hype about them, it’s just a new song. I guess it’s progressive but not intentionally, not from where I’m standing anyway. Maybe my manager would think so, it’s all his master plan!

You mention the highly personal nature of your song writing.

Do you approach song writing as a form of therapy, a way to express the emotions you’d otherwise repress?

Oh definitely. That’s the reason why I started writing, the reason why I write now is as a sort of

self-therapy. I wrote these songs when I felt a certain way and I’m lucky enough to be able to process all of that in a therapeutic way by getting it all out there, it’s cathartic.

But having then to constantly revisit those songs in a live situation over the years has taken its toll. So initially it’s very therapeutic but you have to be careful of the lifespan of those songs. They’re quite emotional and they tap into a time in your life that you don’t necessarily want to keep revisiting and it becomes harder to heal in those respects, if you know what I mean?

Are there any songs that you no longer play because they are too painful?

Yes. For the first time on this tour there are going to be songs that I’m not going to sing. For lots of different reasons.

Your album Tim’s House went straight to the top of the iTunes chart before you were even signed. How did you react to that at the time?

We laughed actually because it was such a shock, we just couldn’t believe it. We’d had the single of week on iTunes where you had a free download and we thought, wouldn’t it be funny if we got into the Top 40 or something. And then it went straight in at I think 12 or 13, something like that and then over the next few days, a few hours really, hour by hour it kept creeping up. We just couldn’t believe it, disbelief I think really, and it was funny because none of us had entertained the fact that we might get any kind of success off that. Yeah, funny!

On your website you describe the music industry as “fickle, selfish, impersonal, backstabbing”...

Oh god, did I?!

It’s on your website...

Oh, I wouldn’t have said it in that way! Straight to the point, Ok...

So is maintaining your independence as an artist, away from industry control, very important to you?

I would say that if I was signed to another label, a major label, I would have to be offered an obscene amount of money, because, I think it’s about authenticity again. If you’re signed to a major label, no matter how credible you are or on what merits you’re signed, because you’re such a sincere, authentic writer, as soon as you sign to a major you have a quota and a certain budget, and you have to recoup that budget. You have to go with what they say, you have to trust what they say and you have to go along with that and it’s not something that I’m prepared to do.

What are your plans over the next year?

I’m actually taking a break from song-writing, Kate Walsh song-writing really. Every year with the tour and everything we sort of start thinking about when we’re going to release the next album but I’m not going to do that this year. I’ve been doing this about ten years and this is album number five, and I’m only 28 so I’d quite like a year off really. Other possibilities really, try and put my finger in lots of pies and try lots of different things. Within music and also other things as well. I need to allow myself a break from this to come back and appreciate it a bit more next time.

Do you have any overarching ambitions? Anywhere you particularly want your career to go?

Um, not as yet actually! Everything so far has been a surprise and a welcome bonus. Everything I’ve done... and you know I’ve done some incredible things, it’s all been a bonus, none of it has been expected. So I’m happy with everything so far.

SINGLES ELI COURT reviews the latest releases...

TOPLOADER SHE SAID

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fter an extended hiatus Toploader are back with a new single "She Said" as voted for by the fans as the best track from their latest album Only Human. Fans of the much loved classic "Dancing in the Moonlight" will be surprised by the heavy guitar and edgier style that mark the track but the powerful lyrics and lead singer Joseph Washbourn’s talented singing makes for a great single. Toploader will be performing in York at The Duchess on the 20th of January if you fancy experiencing this track live.

BEYONCECOUNT DOWN

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ew artists can pull off being five months pregnant (or you know, not pregnant if internet rumours are to believed) and releasing a single with lyrics such as “grind up on it, girl, show him you ride it’” yet somehow Beyonce manages it with the catchy and fast-paced "Countdown". Beyonce showcases her powerful voice, unique style and versatility throughout the song with high energy maintained throughout. The upbeat tempo and lyrics reveals her joy of becoming a mother and the happiness exuded is infectious to the listeners.

BIRDY - PEOPLE HELP THE PEOPLE

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he opening of Birdy’s new release "People Help the People" is just as entrancing and hauntingly beautiful as her breakthrough cover of Bon Iver's "Skinny Love". A gentle, meloncholy piano score runs through the track, underscoring lead singer Jasmine Van Den Boegaerde’s pure voice exceptionally well. Despite only being 15 years old Birdy has created a versatile track with an extensive range of dynamics and tempos, impressive harmonies meaningful lyrics.

CHARLIE SIMPSON CEMETRY

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een to break away from his status as a former member of the cheesy pop band Busted, Charlie Simpson - yes, him with the eyebrows - has released the brooding, emotional single "Cemetery" from his solo album Young Pilgrim. His talent as a singer shines through on this track with his voice complimented by layered harmonies which give the song a pleasing dynamic that successfully emphasizes the brutally honest and compelling lyrics. Given that Matt is in and out of rehab and James hasn't done much since the days of Son of Dork, it's nice to see one of Busted's members move onto fairly decent and mediocre things.

REVIEWS...

MASSIVE ATTACK VS. BURIAL

COLDPLAY MYLO XYLOTO

FOUR WALLS

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urial’s latest release sees the enigmatic South London musician rework two tracks by Massive Attack. One is the previously unreleased track “Four Walls” and the other is “Paradise Circus”, the lead single from the 2010 album Heligoland. In true Burial style, he has placed his personal stamp on the songs: high-pitched vocal samples and a deep, murky sub-bass lend a distinctive and atmosphere feel to his music.

Indeed, "Paradise Circus", aside from the sultry vocals of Hope Sandoval, is virtually unrecognisable from its original form. Gone is the lively piano, the delightful bass and the layered beats. In their place we have a singular plodding beat complemented by heavy, foggy synth. What emerges is a hauntingly beautiful twelve minute masterpiece. "Four Walls" is equally as brilliant (and almost equally as long).

Interestingly, it is essentially an ambient piece. The drums are present, and notable for their odd time signature, yet they are overshadowed by the overall composition of the very muffled and compressed sound

which befits the song perfectly.

Ever the shy and modest character, Will Bevan said in a text: “I hope thatthey are tracks that people can get lost in. They are imperfect and messy, but I put my heart and soul in them." He is undoubtedly right in his assessment.

He may also be right when he says that they are imperfect and messy. However, this is precisely what makes them so wonderful. They sound raw and, importantly, heartfelt; as a result they are all the more powerful. Coming on the back of the fantastic Street Halo EP, this release further enforces Burial’s position as a pioneer of contemporary electronic music. Whilst Massive Attack’s best days may be behind them, it would seem that Burial’s are only just beginning.

BEN O'HAGAN

SHE & HIM

words have impacted on me I wouldn’t go as far as to call them shit. Even if they are the weakest part of Coldplay, there is at least an attempt at a concept here, (a tale of two lovers, "Mylo and Xyloto" and their involvement in a rebellious gang in a dystopian future) and at times can be very cohesive.

So have they pulled off another riproaring success? Yes and no. Whilst it is not their best album, it undeniably contains some of the best material they’ve ever written. There are songs on here that are simply astonishing, to the degree that you find you can quite comfortably forgive the flatter songs if it means you get to listen to "Paradise". The thing with Coldplay is when they get it right, they outplay every other band out there, and this album certainly contains more rights than wrongs.

GEORGE OSBORNE

FLORENCE & THE MACHINE

A VERY SHE & HIM CHRISTMAS

Ceremonials

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ctress/Singer Zooey Deschanel and Portland Troubadour M. Ward return as the indie- folk duo She & Him, with their third release album A Very She and Him Christmas.

This album has all the typical songs you would expect from a Christmas compilation, yet the combination of Deschanel’s bluesy voice, Ward’s signature reverberating guitar and a smattering of ukelele ensure that this, is a very She & Him take on their seasonal favorites.

As with their two previous releases, the retro vibe is ever- present and is influenced by 60’s holiday albums and the likes of Phil Spector and The Beach Boys.

She & Him go so far as to include some of The Beach Boys frontman Brian Wilson's tracks on the album, notably "Little Saint Nick" giving the album a timeless feel.

The album showcases a range of styles from the lusciously layered westcoast harmony of "Little Saint Nick" to a a lilting country twang in their cover of Elvis Presley’s ‘"Blue Christmas". Songs such as "Christmas Wish" prove the staying power of the duo in which Ward’s gravelly tone is complimented by De-

ronically the only thing that is consistent about Coldplay is their ability to reinvent themselves with every LP they craft. Well that and their as-of-yet unblemished record of never releasing a duff album. Reassuringly this, their latest offering, is no exception to either of these rules. Here they have shifted into their most unique guise yet – sprinting away from their French revolutionary phase of Viva La Vida and leaping into a bold multicoloured ambience.

The sound is fresh and contemporary, and is their most electronically influenced album to date. However it shies away from the current trend of bass-heavy and distorted electronica and instead focuses purely on clean, polished synths. It maintains a bubbly innocence throughout, his playful and laid back ambience is always audible, even in the faster and more guitar driven songs.

Coldplay’s perceived drawback for many years has been Chris Martin’s lyrics, even he conceded to this in a recent interview with NME when he admitted that “I know our lyrics are a bit shit...” Although very few of his

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schanel’s floating backing vocals.

The tracks alternate between sedate and relaxed versus bouncy and excitable, leaving the album with no chance to find its feet in terms of pace. However, all can be easily forgiven upon reaching the finale, where a stripped back arrangement of the Christmas Song allows the best of She & Him to shine through.

Zooey Deschanel is no stranger to festive cheer and proved her talent with carols with her rendition of "Baby it’s Cold Outside" in the festive blockbuster Elf and Deschanel fans will appreciate her quirky take on Christmas classics.

The album might not be for everyone, but if you’re looking for a feel-good, stocking filler this is your best bet and, in true Christmas spirit, a percentage of the proceeds will be donated to the educational charity 826 National.

AILSA DANN

fter their explosive and crically acclaimed debut album Lungs, Florence and the Machine is back with the entrancing and ambitious album Ceremonials.

Fittingly released on Halloween, Florence’s latest album has a more sinister tone than Lungs as she sings of devils, ghosts, ghouls and graveyards with haunting and evocative lyrics showcasing the darker and more brooding side of the quirky redhead.

Renowned for her raw vibrancy and powerful vocals, fans may be disappointed by the grandeur of the majority of the tracks and feel it detracts from the grace and simplicity of her previous work with unrelenting energy and heavy bass lines, tribal drums and backing choirs. These elements definitely add to the excitement and uplifting energy that this album offers.

However, this makes it somewhat strenuous to listen to all 20 songs in one sitting. It is often in the rare moments of gentleness and simplicity that we can appreciate the

beauty of her ethereal voice as she sings lyrically of heartbreak and tragedy, as in the opening of the powerful anthem "Shake it Out".

Since rocketing to fame in 2009, Florence has toured and collaborated with a range of artists including Dizzee Rascal, Drake and MGMT and their influences on her are noticeable; something which adds an interesting dynamic to her songs whilst retaining her unique style.

The whole album is powerful and captures the true essence of the inspirational talent Welch’s voice demonstrates. Each song commands attention and leaves listeners marvelling at the energy and power of a singer who appears to be going from strength to strength.

ELINORE COURT

MP ALAN JOHNSON: ROCKSTAR JAI JETHWA TALKS TO EX-HOME SECRETARY AND CURRENT MP ALAN JOHNSON ABOUT PARLIAMENT, GROWING UP AND BEING A FAILED ROCK-STAR.

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ithin moments of my phonecall with Alan Johnson it's obvious that he is no casual music fan.

In his Westminster parliamentary office, the Labour MP and former Cabinet Minister has recounted to me his life’s most treasured gigs, talked me through the intricacies of the Elvis Costello back-catalogue and given his reasoned verdict on music, old and new. He has unpacked the charm behind his favourite Beatles track and has even made references to quirky Manchester outfit Everything Everything, as well as offering his opinion on chamber-pop giants The Arcade Fire’s latest album The Suburbs (“fantastic... but I’d rate Funeral higher, I think”). All of this feels a little strange when I have to remind myself that I am having a conversation with a politician, more attuned to appearing on Question Time.

But then Alan Johnson has never been your run-ofthe-mill politician. Growing up in a London council flat and thrown into the world of work as a postman at 18 years old, Johnson’s modest beginnings and do-it-yourself work ethic seem worlds apart from the Oxbridge convention followed by many of his contemporaries. Deliciously intertwined with his working-class roots is a keen and open love for music. “Where did the passion for music start?”

Johnson wonders aloud, “I guess it starts with what you first hear. I was fortunate I suppose... I was living through the period when rock music started, but it was in my formative years when the Beatles came around, and that changed everything for me. They were the standout.” It strikes me how skilled Johnson is in formulating his answers - something that he has clearly picked up in his political career. There is a pause whilst he selects the best words to fit his subject, and then he answers in a clear and direct way, always making sure to return to the question I have asked so as to make sure he has communicated his idea effectively, as if he was answering Piers or Paxman.

Unlike many Beatles fans, he does not launch into a musical crusade of explaining why George, John, Paul and Ringo were the best thing to ever happen in popular music, but instead makes clear to me how it influenced his musical ambition. “Well it got me into the other defining bands of that time- The Small Faces, The Who. I saw the Stones a few times. Then that got me into starting my own music.” It’s probably at this point where I realise his upbringing contrasts to that of, say, Boris Johnson or

George Osborne.

I picture Johnson grimacing as he divulges his experience of forming two bands in his youth. “I was in two bands actually, I’m a bit of a failed rock star really”, he laughs, “but we had to stop playing because all our equipment was nicked. There was the Area - but then we got our gear stole again. And then after that I was in The In-Betweens (note: not the Inbetweeners), and that was

"SPENDING YOUR LIFE IN MUSIC AS A SONGWRITER ...

THAT WOULD BE BEAUTIFUL" pretty oddball - the singer, who was half Columbian, an Indian guy on bass, and a woman who twirled herself around me as I played guitar. It was all very exciting”, he assures me. “But then I ended up getting married, I had already had had a kid, and I had to get a job”. It seems circumstances pushed Johnson along a certain course, as he soon after became a trade union branch official which led him to the Labour Party, reaching a forked path where he had to choose between politics and music. I ask him

"tony blair was always more of a heavy metal man really" what he thinks of the group MP4, a group made of UK Members of Parliament and whether there are any chances of a jam in parliament. He laughs and dismisses the idea quickly- “No... I have no thoughts about joining up with them, besides last I heard I was being sought after elsewhere... Yes, Johnson-McCartney does have a certain ring to it...” Similarly, he doesn’t contemplate forming a band with another amateur rockstar-politician anytime soon. When I bring up Tony Blair and The Ugly Rumours“Tony was always more of a heavy metal man really.”

I bring up the ever pugna-

cious Morrissey and the scathing comments he has made towards David Cameron’s government and whether such remarks were just. He laughs to himself somewhat, “no, politics is too important for that. A politician trying to be cool doesn’t work, but a musician trying to be profound is not good. Fashionable viewpoints are equally bad, but if you’re genuine in either field, then that works. You need to be an absolute master of these issues to comment on them - when people sit down to write a political song, it doesn’t work”. It’s here where I see the political side of Johnson shine through- he clearly has a sense of drive and moral purpose. He tells me that The Clash and Billy Bragg are two of his favourite politically-fuelled artists. I ask him if he has ever listened to Rage Against The Machine. He hasn’t, but says he has now made a note to do so.

I imagine Johnson sat in his office sometime in the near future blasting out Killing in the Name as other MPs walk by in bewilderment but I shrug the image off.

Alan Johnson sounds like he is an accidental politician, as if he stumbled in through a sidedoor. I tell him this, and he immediately agrees. “I was interested in writing songs definitely but it didn’t pan out”, but then he mentions his son, “Ah yes, Jamie is a recording engineer... he’s recorded with Razorlight and with Paul Weller several times... I’m living my dreams through him somewhat, I often ring him up and tell him to check out certain bandsEverything Everything, the New Pornographers, The Airborne Toxic Event...”. I laugh at this dynamic and wonder aloud whether he’s wasted in politics. He has a clear intellectualism and geniality about him that fits a political life, but his fervent infatuation with music is surprising for someone doing what he does. It strikes me how a common interest in music hits a nerve, cutting across politics and class. I tell him- if circumstances were different, and he could do it again, would it be music or politics? His answer is immediate and final- “Music. Without a doubt”, he says, “Without a shadow of a doubt. Spending your life in music as a songwriter, or a recording engineer, or a musician- that would be beautiful. And that’s everything that I wanted to do.”

Edward Francis' Bitch

OUR RESIDENT BITCH SHARPENS HIS TONGUE AND LASHES OUT AT THOSE IN THE INDUSTRY WHO REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, GET HIM GOING.

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runo Mars is a gigantic penis for his lastest creation: "The Lazy Song". I know what he was really trying to say with that song even if this conforms to me being a twisted and embittered individual with a propensity to completely misconstrue what popstars are saying through their songs in order to satisfy my own jaundiced view of the music indutry.

What he meant in this song was “I made a lot of money from my collaborationswith B.O.B. and Travie McDirty from Gym Class Heroes. Like, a serious amount of money.

So much money I could have stopped right then and there and still had enough money to make the Smiths reform, or buy all the oxygen in the world and sell it back to you.

Or have an operation so I’d have endlesly regenerating freshly-cut chips for hair. But instead I just decided to go and make more money by tinkling on a piano and warbling some romantic clichés like ‘your hair is nice when you don’t straighten it’ and ‘making yourself up to look like a massive slag isn’t necessarily something which you have to do on a daily basis in order to satisfy me.’

"So now, at the age of twenty-something, I effectively never have to work, or even do anything, again. I can chill out at home in my boxers and eat a mammoth bag of Doritos without guilt because I can get a personal trainer to buffer the fat off me while I watch Countdown. I can just pluck groupies off of my doorstep any time I want sexual gratification. I can construct a full-size Meccano tractor I have so much free time. And I’m going to put all of this information in a song. And then MAKE EVEN MORE MONEY OFF OF IT.”

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o call me a dreamer who likes to connect all the cosmic dots into patterns that don’t exist and grasp for an unreachable star of insight that’ll be forever beyond my grasp, but I think Jessie J’s album might possibly, kind of have a theme to it. And that theme, I wish to radically suggest, is of just accepting people for who they are.What might have sparked off this off-the-wall analysis, you will never ask?

Well, it might have been that I noted a similar vein running through all her songs; like ‘Do It Like A Dude’, which I believe celebrates either acting like a man or just being absolutely irretrievably disgusting, or ‘Price Tag’, which is all about not faking it, or ‘Nobody’s Perfect’, which is about just embracing your loved one’s faults. Or perhaps it’s because the album’s called Who You Are. In any case, I would like to offer my humble opinion that this theme is incredibly inconsistent across the whole album. Think about it. ‘Nobody’sPerfect’ is at once an apology for bad behaviour and an excuse- she’s sorry she told everyone your secret, but it’s in her nature and you can’t tell her you begrudge her that, so…she’s not sorry? ‘Price Tag’ is all about being authentic and not doing it for the money, which is assume why she’s not made it a free download and cashed in on it. ‘Who’s Laughing Now’ is a hit back at all the bullies who tormented Jessie when she was younger, yet as previously mentioned, I thought all people had faults that you couldn’t begrudge them for and forgive and forget was the best way?...Oh Jessie, you do make my head hurt. And it’s not just because your music is shit.

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her Lloyd’s new track ‘With Your Love’ is not a terrible song. It’s not good,obviously, but it’s nowhere near in the league of her last offering, which in its own right re-defined the depths of what terrible is. “With Your Love” by contrast is identifiably a song. It has a melody. It has proper lyrics. It has a song-like structure. All of this begs the question for me: why did someone find Cher Lloyd a proper songwriter for this one?

Clearly no-one helped her with the first one, as the results were approximately as messy as throwing a toddler into a toilet cubicle by itself for the first time and telling them just to try and figure it out for themselves. Someone has clearly abetted Cher for this new track. I’m willing to bet it was probably that Posner character who appears on it. I’ve definitely always thought he was the shifty type since first observing that he stole all of Justin Timberlake’s clothes. Don’t they know they’re only furthering the damage that is going to be done to that poor, extremely unhinged young lady further down the line when she finds herself appearing as a nostalgia guest on Michael Barrymore’s comeback music panel game show on Sky a few years down the line?

Whoever dressed Ms. Lloyd that day, took her into a studio, gave her the lyrics and played a beat for her, then took her home and returned her Nintendo DS as a reward for being so good has only brought her one step closer to the crushing meltdown that’s coming her way. I’m not excited about that thought at all, honestly I’m concerned.

No seriously, I am. That’s not a smile, my mouth twitched.

I’m smiling because you’re smiling now.

LIVES...

SCOTT MATTHEWS FIBBERS, YORK

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NOAH AND THE WHALE

26/10/11

cott Matthews is an artist always insistent on perfecting the inimitable subtleties of his role as a singer-song writer. Yet the on stage humbleness certainly doesn’t betray the emotional depth of his third album, What The Night Delivers, which delves deeper than ever before.

This intimacy is synonymous with his stage presence: summoning the audience forward into the night with his powerful whispers.

With three eclectic albums under his belt, Matthews crafted a diverse live set; cherry-picking the sweetest sensations and most haunting musings from his vast selection. “Bad Apple” seems to stumble and stray down a dusty country rode as Matthews taps into those niggling feelings inside all of us when he ponders over

being “Stagnant with infested regret/ No longer a taste to pursue”. A set of distinctions, he contrasts this fleeting, jumpy nostalgia with the lulling melancholy “Echoes Of The Lonely”. Slowing the tempo to a delicate pace and moving synonymously with easy and haunting harmonies, Matthews’ poignant recollections slow down time itself. “Copious amount of…” he mutters, before letting his sentiments truly express themselves and painfully forcing out “…sadness”.

Matthews, for his humbleness, deliciously toys with his audience, drawing on the appropriate means: “Is South Yorkshire any good then? Do we like them?”.

A question met with roars laughter, as if reflecting with an old friend on familiar subjects.

For a performance space filled with swathes of swaying fans, there was no denying Scott Matthews’ ability to create intimacy with so many. For an artist most famous for his beautifully minimalist “Elusive”, with its sweet languor soothing the audience in the encore, there was certainly no hiding this man’s touching and dreamlike vocal talent and the vast brilliancies of What The Night Delivers.

02 ACADEMY, LEEDS

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oah and the Whale managed to turn the Leeds O2 into a cosy, personal place for one evening; the kind of gig you’d want to hug. Their presence enveloped the stage, audience and support act from the moment they appeared, jumping straight into “Give a Little Love” which mesmerized the crowd as the fully suited, waistcoat wearing and charisma oozing Charlie Fink and Tom Hobden, a perfectly matched pair of front men, pranced around. However the bassist, Matt Owens, embroidered waistcoat aside, felt misplaced. Without the indie curls that define the rest of the band, his long hair and box-step dancing is at complete odds with the ethereal power of the music.

Poor Matt Owens. He is lost amidst the screams Charlie Fink elicits from the crowd; promising in a rash moment of abstraction, a “three course meal of a concert.” As the closing chords of the first batch of songs ring, the audience can understand what he means. The main course is a steaming plate of quasi-romantic pieces, which everybody devours ravenously, singing along with a jumble of words from mismatched verses. Suddenly a switch from spot-

22/10/11

lights towards block lighting for “Our Window”; the translucent dark making the singer seems momentarily more human, less indie and elfin. Just as I’m wondering how hard it would be to fight to the bar, “Tonight’s the Kind of Night” begins and the I am drawn back in to my meal with renewed energy.

When “L.I.F.E.G.O.E.S.O.N.” dies away amidst heavy roar of bass and the band making their way off stage, the audience is still hungry for their dessert and begin a few chants, getting the band back for two more tasty treats. The encore, “The First Days of Spring” was sheer brilliance and closed into a painful silence. They come to York soon. You should go and see them.

LAURA CHESHIRE

NICHOLAS DUNN-MACAFEE

Benjamin francis leftwich

SCROOBIUS PIP FIBBERS, YORK

CENTRE FOR EARLY MUSIC, YORK

30/10/11

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croobius Pip saunters on stage dressed as a lizard and I'm instantly uneasy about how this gig will go. His support act, B-Dolan, had just been unexpectedly incredible. But now Pip, performing solo without the support of the famed Dan Le Sac, is alone, infront of a baying crowd dressed as if he just came from entertaining a child's party. Yet as soon as the mask dropped off and the hard hitting beats of his first song, "Introdiction" kicked in, I knew that my fears were about to be alleviated.

The performance was part of a UK wide tour to promote his solo album Distraction Pieces and Pip stressed at the gig that while he was not splitting with Dan Le Sac (they are recording a new album together in 2012), he would not be playing any of their songs. This was a sensible decision as the electronic beats of the past would not have fitted with his new sound, which relied heavily on guitar riffs and thumping drums, supplied by his fantastic band.

The pacing of the gig was almost perfect, Pip rapped ferociously to extremely rapid songs such as "Try Dying" and "Domestic Silence", while in the middle slowed it down and indulged the audience in some thought provoking spoken word with "Broken Promise" being fol-

music@yorkvision.co.uk

lowed by the mesmerising "1000 Words" from his first solo album No Commercial Breaks. Pip's quick wit and intelligent lyrics still reign supreme throughout all his creative output, being most apparent in "Death of the Journalist", which had the audience straining to hear every word.

This new sound is definitely a whole new direction for Pip, but as shown at Fibbers, he can definitely pull it off. As Pip even remarked during the show, it was definitely a hip hop gig. A unique and incredible hip hop gig. A gig so good even his own mum turned up. I mean, where else are you going to get the rapper's mum in the audience?

RORY MCGREGOR

he last time Benjamin Francis Leftwich took to the stage in his hometown, his flickering acoustic confessionals seemed lost on a sparse Duchess audience, the venue not really lending itself well to the style of Leftwich’s music. Now, just half a year later, in the packed chambers of the National Centre for Early Music, it’s clear to see Leftwich has grown both in confidence and complexity as a singer-songwriter.

There’s an unspoken self-assurance that permeates the air tonight, with it being clearly evident from the outset that a national tour and a wellreceived (and maybe a little understated) debut album have worked wonders for the musician’s poise.

Tentatively taking to the stage and whispering nothing but a hushed "Hey", Leftwich launches into"1904" with pitch-perfect accuracy that stuns the onlookers here into silence before rapturous applause. From this, he carefully works through much of his album, occasionally moving away from the microphone to usher in further quiet for the likes of fan favourites "Pictures" and "Butterfly Culture".

Having just released a download-only covers EP, it seems a little disappointing Leftwich doesn’t decide to pick out a few and offer a live rendition, but in

5/11/11

fairness he does dip into his own backcatalogue of EPs, recorded while he was still in school.

Perhaps the main criticism that can be levelled at Leftwich is that all too often his songs can follow too similar a structure so as that if for a few chords here and there, many of the songs here can all merge into one.

Despite this, by the time "Last Smoke Before The Snowstorm" has ended, he has already hopped off the stage to a deserved applause and it is easy to forgive (and also forget) the similarity of some of the closing songs. He comes on for one last song and with a heartfelt thankyou, he ends his homecoming gig and national tour a little more established in the local music scene, and a lot more aware of his own ability as a musician.

JAI JETHWA

THE VISION GUIDE TO...

Fine Dining

The city of York, renowned for it's beauty, culture and history is also home to a hotbed of culinary delights. With this in mind, Scene's intrepid reporters, Timmy Smith, Olivia Head, Niamh Connolly, Elliott Somerfield and Maria Knestjapina embark upon a fast food crawl to sample the best in local student dining.

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E K C I H C Y YUMM

Location: Situated close to Duchess and Fibbers, making it the obvious choice for all the indie kids and cool cats of York.

We recommend: Chicken, chicken, chicken! The Ronseal of eateries, it very much does what it says on the tin - provide chicken, which can only be described as yummy.

Whoever came up with the idea of paprika on chips is also a genius.

What to avoid: We genuinely don't know. Such is the pressure to sample their poultry based delights, we have never erred to the more exotic sections of the menu, but surely everything else is second best.

Value: We've never felt ripped off after a trip to Yummy, but that may have more to do with the alcohol inevitably already in the system. Prices are not out of sync with the rest of York.

Overall Rating: 4/5 - Fans of chicken will never feel let down. Undoubtedly a strong performer across the board, but perhaps lacking the X-factor provided by Mr. Oki.

A Z Z I P S ' EFE

Location: Heslington Road - inbetween town and campus, near a large amount of student housing. Perfectly placed for the halfway home pick me up.

We recommend: Hot Shot Pizza - the Efes equivalent to a Domino's favourite, the Hot'n'Spicy, just as tasty with the perfect level of grease, but at half the price.

What to avoid: No real culinary disasters await you, but there are way better places to go if you're a fried chicken fanatic.

Value: Very good value, particularly pizza-wise where it outperforms even the most established of its competitors.

Overall Rating: 4/5 - Solid, no frills, won't let you down, not to mention it's a classic York institution.

VIKING PIZZA

OKI'S Location: Perfectly placed halfway between Gallery and Willow, as well as being en route to Ziggys. Only appears as darkness falls.

We recommend: Cheeseburger – At just £2.50, scores well for alcohol absorbtion, as well invoking that familiar post-Willow sense of despair and self-reflection.

What to avoid: Garlic sauce – Despite the temptation to baste any meal in it, it is essentially PVA glue with green bits in.

Value: Not bad given its excellent location, Oki's provides immediate relief in the form of comforting and not overly greasy food.

Overall Rating: 4.5/5 – Good food, good location and an extra half a point for having the hostess with the mostess.

Location: On Walmgate, the passage in and out of town for many a student, so suitable for dinner or breakfast.

We recommend: Aside from every uni college getting their own (often misspelled) ‘feast’, fans of trans fats will love the half-pound donor burger, This can only be described as an incredibly taxing, often fatal culinary challenge, but one that is rewarding to the lucky few who manage to complete such an unbelievably daunting task.

What to avoid: We strongly do not recommend the garlic mushrooms, because whatever you expect from your mushrooms, this will not live up to those expectations.. The mushrooms looked uncooked, and floated, whole, in a tray of what can only be described as water with a threatening green tinge.

Value: Those who value quantity will never feel hard done by.

Overall Rating: 3/5 - it can be a rather hit-and-miss service, but when they get it right, it is up there with the best.

RUMOU R

VISION'S GIRL ABOUT TOWN...

A first year from Goodricke had one too many Snakebites before attempting to break the world record for Chicken McNugget consumption. He managed an impressive 34 before his bowels gave way on Whip-Ma-Whop-Ma Gate.

Two members of HP Muggle Soc were hospitalised after a duel involving oversized turnips backfired with disastrous consequences. The participants attempted the herculean 'turnip transfiguration', resulting in damage to an orifice, leaving a Dark Mark.

HAS IT

A third-year English student who began essay-completion celebrations a bit early may have overdone it a tad. The next morning (well, two minutes before the deadline), they handed in their essay and promptly chundered everyWAH in the department.

nightlife@yorkvision.co.uk

FILM From pop icon to movie pin-up, Justin's had an eclectic career. Has his move into movies been worth it? Vision investigates.

H O T

Thriller Night

Mourning the passing of Halloween? Well, York is the most haunted city in Europe, and we at Vision figure what better way is there to keep scare thrills alive than with a syncronised dance or two? So here's a list of some of the best musical movies with terrifying twists, especially for you from Anna Dzieciol

Tim Burton's Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) The Social Network (2010)

As Facebook executive Sean Parker, Justin oozes Oscarworthy confidence.

Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975) The longest-running theatrical release in history continues to be one of the most original and memorable musicals ever and still enjoys midnight Halloween screenings in cinemas every year. It's an ultimate cult classic: a parody of science-fiction and horror, featuring Tim Curry as a self-proclaimed "Sweet Transvestite". If you haven't seen it yet, put it on the top of your must-see list and get ready for some serious scares as this one never fails to surprise.

Combining stunning stop-motion animation and Danny Elfman's composing talent, this Tim Burton classic remains a cinematic treat for the eyes and ears. Featuring lovable characters, original stories and great songs, this film continues to remind you of how much fun you are missing by being normal and alive.

Michael Jackson's Thriller (1983) Although not a feature film, Thriller takes full advantage of all the best horror movie clichĂŠs and translates them to music. The decayed faces of the undead, the creepy tendrils of fog and Vincent Price's intimidating baratone narration make this one of the creepiest videos ever made. Whether you like Michael Jackson or not, Thriller fully deserves the honour of first place in this list.

Friends With Benefits (2011)

Timber-O-METER

The sizzling chemistry with co-star Mila Kunis will pop your popcorn for you.

C O L D

Shrek The Third (2007)

After a cameo as "Sir Justin" in Shrek 2, Justin becomes Artie, adding much needed fun to an otherwise lukewarm film.

Cry Me A River (2002)

The angst in this music video beats that of any film character, though Vision has to cringe at the lip biting...

British Independent Film Awards THE Global economic crisis means that funding for films can be hard to find, and often independent film companies miss out. But with a stiff upper lip, this year Britain has done us proud.

The British Independent Film Awards will be held on December 4th.

Below are Vision's predictions for the big winner.

Best British Independent Film: Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy Best Director: Lynne Ramsay (We Need to Talk About Kevin) Best Actress: Mia Wasikowska (Jane Eyre)

The Love Guru (2008)

From Justin's awful moustache to the puerile plotline, there was not much love from the critics for this clunker.

Best Actor: Gary Oldman (Tinker Tailor Soldier, Spy) Best Debut Director: Ralph Fiennes (Coriolanus) Best Newcomer: Craig Roberts (Submarine)

N EWS Breaking Porn?

BREAKING Dawn: Part 1 is almost out despite setbacks when producers were told by the US regulation board that they would have to re-edit the overly charged sex scenes. The film was awarded an 'R' rating, so no one in the US under 17 could see the film without a parent present.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson (whose relationship extends beyond screen) said that shooting love scenes was an odd experience. You can see the film yourself on the 18th November and extensive editing means you don't even need to bring your parents.

Revival of the Fittest WITH Sky releasing Steven Spielberg's long awaited TV series Terra Nova, dinosaur is certainly on the menu this month. But heads are turning not to the future of dino-dramas, but to the cinematic resurrection of a prehistoric classic previously assumed extinct: Jurassic Park.

But why re-release this monster amongst movies? Apart from giving audiences an opportunity to relive an exciting experience, this gem in the Spielburg cannon took an impressive ÂŁ47million on its original opening weekend.

Let's see if it can do even better this time!

Dir: Andrew Niccol

IN TIME

Justin Timberlake goes on the run in a sci-fi world where time is literally money. Our reviewer Rory McGregor is underwhelmed.

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ears into the future, meddling geneticists have managed to alter the aging process so that no one grows older than 25. Time can be transferred from person to person becoming a new currency, meaning that the wealthy can live forever and the poor die young. This unconventional but engaging premise is what we have come to expect from Sci-Fi director Andrew Niccol, a man responsible for works such as The Truman Show and Lord of War. Any avid fan of his work will be looking to In Time for the creativity and brilliance that demarcates a piece in his extensive cannon of work.

The film follows Will Salas (Justin Timberlake), a citizen of the impoverished time zone 'Dayton' who saves the affluent 105 year old Harry Hamilton (Matt Bomer) from a gang of thugs at a bar. After finding solace in an abandoned warehouse, Hamilton explains that he has lived for too long and offers to transfer the remaining time he has left to Salas.

Salas spends most of his time in this film on the run from the Timekeepers, an in-universe version of the FBI, while trying to distribute free time to the wider society. The 'cat and mouse' aspect of this film mostly sustains the plot's momentum, but towards the end it wears thin.

Timberlake gives a commendable performance as Salas proving himself once again a capable actor. Other mem-

Tower Heist

Ides of March Dir. George Clooney

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harp, concentrated, and deeply cynical; Clooney’s new film captures the dirty realm of politics and explores the loss of integrity within modern government.

Pivoting on an internal democratic election, Stephen Meyers (Ryan Gosling) is central to the plot, acting as a young hotshot aide to Governor Mike Morris (George Clooney). As the film develops, Meyers falls victim to fraudulent aspects of back-door politics, resulting in a scandal threatening the careers and status of all.

Clooney is, as always, charming and carries the role of a politician with ease.

Phillip Seymour Hoffman, playing campaign manager Paul Zara, is similarly superb. But while the ridiculously goodlooking Ryan Gosling effortlessly oozes charisma and wit in the early stages of the film, he appears thin and outshone as the grit of politics develops.

Nevertheless, in its entirety, the depiction of dirty politics within a single party effectively detracts from motifs of ideology and commendably gives strong reflection to the disloyalty so often found in modern day politics.

MATIJA PISK

bers of the instantly recognisable cast, which includes names such as Olivia Wilde and Amanda Seyfried, are solid throughout. It is, however, the always excellent Cillian Murphy who steals the show, putting in a solid performance as a hardened no-nonsense Timekeeper.

In Time is a film of two halves. It does explore some interesting social trends and there are some obvious comparisons with current class structures in society, but these issues are never fully explored and feel unanswered by the end of the film. It is a well shot and, at times, visually beautiful film but it does also suffer from huge plot holes and a somewhat overwhelming amount of poor, uneven dialogue. The general idea is undoubtably compelling and there are some fantastic chase scenes. In Time is let down, however, by the fact that the script often feels flat, especially towards the end when the film should be approaching its dramatic climax.

So, in short, In Time does not live up to Niccol's previous works.

It is an interesting concept with some occasionally inspiring moments but ultimately it fails to deliver.

Dir. Brett Ratner

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ower Heist is, in the tradition of Ocean’s Eleven (and Twelve, and Thirteen…), a heist movie. Director Brett Ratner takes a cast that boasts en Stiller and Eddie Murphy through a Robin Hood-esque mission to steal back some money financier Arthur Shaw (Alan Alda) has defrauded from Josh Kovacs (Ben Stiller) and the rest of his pensiondeprived staff. Kovacs, manager of a highrise tower block that comprises “the most expensive real-estate in North America”, enlists fellow employees, a petty criminal he exchanges insults with on the street on the way to work and even at one point an FBI agent to carry out his master-plan of revenging Shaw.

The film takes its cue from the imaginative title and goes downhill from there.

Had it made full use if its obvious topicality to recent banking crises, Tower Heist might have had real political and moral interest as well as entertainment value.

Sadly, it falls short on all scores. An exposition at the beginning of the film promises character development yet fails to deliver, and a dialogue that is more tedious than funny only compounds this disappointment. Ultimately, there is little to distinguish Ratner’s latest offering from the more mediocre films of the genre.

ABIGAIL RICHARDS

Machine Gun Preacher Dir. Marc Foster

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COMING TO A CINEMA NEAR YOU

erard Butler, the infamous Spartan, drops his spear in favour of the rifle in this biopic of biblical proportions. Machine Gun Preacher is based on the life of Sam Childers (Butler), a born again ex-drug dealer that commits his life to help the orphaned children of South Sudan.

Butler has truly embraced his role not only as the lead actor, but the executive producer of this poignant action/adventure. His performance was valiant and powerful with a tangible passion for the film's cause. However, the narrative as a whole was not as engaging as the acting.

Truly it is a heart-wrenching story, but the increasingly grim scenes provide more of a shock factor than an emotional connection. Childers' moral stance is also one that the viewer may have trouble sanctioning. Riddled with questionable theology and hazy motives, Childers was conveyed more as a humanitarian than a preacher, and this sometimes hypocritical attitude compromised his character's integrity.

But these reservations must not detract from, quite possibly, Butlers' best performance of his career so far. A har- Week 5 rowing and inspiring tale, Machine Gun Preacher will draw tears and potentially Thursday even signatures on the amnesty international sign up sheet thereafter.

Fridays ANDREW KUEH

York Student Cinema Cars 2 Captain America

Week 6

ALYSIA JUDGE

Monday

One Day

Friday

Super 8

Week 7 Thursday Inbetweeners Movie

film@yorkvision.co.uk

N O I S I V TELE

BACK TO THE BOARDROOM !

S E R U S A E L P Y T IL The Young Apprentice U G R U O Y O T GIVE IN ’ve all

t. Here at Vision, we ou ab d se as rr ba em ly et cr se e ar We all have that show that wereveal our deepest most cringe-worthy guilty pleasures. joined a TV confessional to

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fter a hard day of lectures, sometimes we want to come home, snuggle up and watch some really bad TV. We all have our faves - shows that you know are trashy but you still love. You know you should hide your head in shame but secretly you take full pride in your viewership.

Here are some of the Vision TV team's glorious, guiltiest pleasures.

Snog...Marry...I'd rather Avoid Sarah Cattle Fake nails, hair extensions and layers of foundation: Snog, Marry, Avoid takes orange to a new level! The show plays on society's most formidable stereotypes, from the brash girl to the camp diva. It's the choice of the public to decide whether they would rather "snog, marry or avoid" each of the scantily clad and distinctly orange guests. It’s no surprise "avoid" is often the most popular answer given. After this obviously crushing response, an exceptionally blunt ‘computer’, POD (Personal Overhaul Device), proceeds to inform them as to where they are going wrong with their look and in no time at all has given them a full 'make-under', erasing any sense of visible personality. Complete overhaul done, they face the public vote for a second time to a much kinder response. All in all, an unfortunate message is portrayed, but I can’t help but love it. The participants may be fake, they may even be thicker than Alex Reid, but these people living on the edges of acceptable fashion and skin tone certainly brighten up my evening viewing.

A Bit Too Desperate...

The Real Housewives of Atlanta Keruschka Shunmugam Based on a group of wealthy wannabes in Atlanta, Georgia, they compete to be the bitchiest, most famous, most talked about 'divas' in the clique. There is always an obscene need for drama and conflict and their reaction to the smallest of offences is the reason why the Real Housewives franchise has become a global phenomenon. It gives you everything a good trashy television show

of the few property shows you can actually tune in to knowing, with full certainty, that someone is going to buy a house; how often does that actually happen on Escape to the Country? Never, is the answer! Property hunters on these substandard shows aren’t there to find their dream home, in all likelihood they don’t even have the funds they're laying claim to. Airtime is what they’re after, even if its just moments squeezed between the presenter’s constant whining about what a tough job they have. Well, way to go in stating the obvious; they’re not interested in buying a house, I would suggest your 'job' is impossible! Shows like this encompass the definition of a guilty pleasure.

Keeping Up with the Kardashians Rebecca Ojumu

should - sex, violence and lots of fake nails, hair, boobs and personalities!

It's just oh-so-easy to come home from a long day of lectures and take your mind off the stressful day you've had by watching the dramatic lives of the rich and nearly famous unfold.

Is it time to move on?

Erin Harkins Daytime TV is littered with shows about finding that perfect place to up sticks to. My personal favourite, Homes Under the Hammer, glows when compared to its counterparts. It's one

You may ask, why on earth would I want to keep up with the Kardashians? Possibly the most famous family for being famous, they earn most of their wages from images of Kim's infamous derriere. But, boy, they sure know how to entertain! The recent news of Kim's divorce to toyboy husband after a mere 72 days of marriage has only added to the hype.

However overrated they may be, they portray the ultimate unconventional family. Who else has a mother that would persuade her reluctant daughter to pose topless for playboy? However crazy this family may be, you can't deny the entertainment they provide, they really can brighten up a grey day.

Regardless of their dim monotone voices, they continue to annoy whilst humouring their audience and will, I'm sure, continue to do so for years to come.

BBC1, Monday 9pm

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reed, ambition and a healthy obsession with ruthless tactics – all at the tender age of 16; reality television has never been so good. Back for its second season, The Young Apprentice sees Britain’s "best and brightest" youngsters compete for a coveted £25,000 cash prize. Apart from their oversized suits, the batch of new contestants look like your average, run-of-the-mill teenagers, but as soon as they open their mouths you begin to see that this is far from the truth. Armed with buckets of arrogant confidence these teenage entrepreneurs are just as vindictive and resolute as their adult counterparts. They are fully equipped with generic capitalist mantras like “no one intimidates me because I know that I am better than them,” and “money does not buy happiness, but neither does poverty.” [No, we don't quite understand that one either...] It really makes you think they're lovely, well-rounded individuals.

Now, let’s be honest, the only real reason we watch The Young Apprentice is to indulge our unhealthy appetite for bitching, scheming and good old manipulation, and after watching the first episode, our raging appetites should have been totally satisfied.

There were definitely some characters that were notable for the wrong reasons - take James McCullagh for example, the Irish economics enthusiast; he was the most vocal in his group and by far the most annoying. The only phrase he seemed to bellow out during his group discussions were “I completely disagree.” And let’s not forget Gbemi Okunlola, the feisty fashion designer from Peckham, who was hilarious while shouting down the phone after buying too little fruit for her team’s ice cream task.

So far The Young Apprentice is absolutely delivering on all fronts; inflated egos, conflict and cringe inducing one-liners from Lord Sugar - even the boardroom showdown was epic. Mere seconds had passed before everyone was scrambling to save themselves, and throwing their team mates under the proverbial bus – utterly captivating.

By Morgan Collins

Remotes at the Ready - ouR tv picks foR the week

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Oh So Tasty..

ge: Veg River Cotta

The much anticipated third series of Misfits is back on our screens and it looks to be a corker, but will it still be as good with new boy Rudy?

Some may say that this show is for old age pensioners, but I say this show has everything: great growing tips, easy recipes and cute farmyard animals.

Sold.

Sunday, Channel 4, 8pm

One to W atch...

Misfits

Sunday, E4, 10 pm

Drama, Drama, Drama! Can you actually believe the nerve of Millie? As it turns out she was the one who cheated first, poor Hugo.

N'T...!

U DID OH NO YO

elsea

Made in Ch

Monday, E4,

A COMEDY OF ERRORS Does Britain still make the greatest comedies in the world?

Dean Knapper discusses the state of the Britcom...

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t is almost taken as a given that we Brits produce the best sitcoms in the world. There's only one problem with treating this as an unquestionable fact: it isn’t actually true anymore.

There’s no denying that, as a nation, we are well versed in the art of sitcom making, be they timeless classics: Dad’s Army, Fawlty Towers, Only Fools and Horses; or the more modern greats such as The Office, Peep Show and The Royle Family.

But in the past two years we haven’t seen any new sitcoms hit our screens that are worthy of being placed in the same category of their great predecessors. How can this be? Could it be that as a nation we no longer have an appetite for sitcoms? Maybe we much prefer wall-to-wall contrived 'reality' TV shows and equally manipulated 'talent' con-

tests, and so the TV Powers That Be no longer feel the need to cater to the sitcom crowd. Surely not? Perhaps there’s been a drought in quality sitcom ideas being pitched to the big dogs in sharp suits at the BBC or Channel 4. This is possible, but again, I struggle to believe that this could be the case. I think I know the real reason; in the words of '90s Swedish singing sensation Meja: It’s all about the money.

If you look back at some of the best sitcoms of the last decade, they all share one characteristic: they were all risks.

When Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant walked into the Commissioning Editor of BBC Comedy’s office insisting that they, two unknown and inexperienced writers, were to be given complete control over a sitcom (the style of which had never been attempted before), not even they could have truly known what the end result was going to be. But the BBC took the risk, and the risk paid off, and the rest, as they say, is history.

Since then budget cuts have forced those with control of the purse strings to reduce the number of risks they make, a cautious approach to get them through daunting times. As a result, we’ve seen the BBC put all their eggs into a small selection of mildly humourous but broadly

appealing baskets. So instead of The Office, we have Miranda. Where we once had The Thick of It, we now find Mrs. Brown’s Boys. Sitcoms that, sure, might keep a large amount of the country mildly entertained for half an hour, but will they stand the test of time? Surely not.

Comedy isn’t about finding the lowest common denominator, the same way that the greatest music doesn’t try and satisfy everyone’s pallet. The sitcoms that have stood the test of time are those that reinvented the genre, shocked the audience and deviated from the norm.They certainly didn’t viewing figures their priority. Monty Python, The League of Gentlemen, The Office, The Young Ones; they were all 'risks'. And guess what?

They’re still raking in the cash. If sitcom creating really is all about the money, it's worth remembering that risks do pay off.

...BUT IT'S NOT ALL BEEN BAD! HERE ARE TWO GREAT BRITISH SITCOMS FROM THE LAST 2 YEARS* Psychoville How Not To Live Your Life HNTLYL ran for 3 series on BBC3, Psychoville managed to survive two but unlike the rest of BBC3's scheduling, it wasn't completely terrible.

Better than this, it was actually quite good. Written by and starring comedian Dan Clarke, it followed the misadventures of Don Danbury, an adult desperately trying to not grow up.

award-winning series before the BBC axe fell due to poor viewing figures. Created by one half of the League of Gentlemen team, it followed the lives of five characters across Britain who are all being blackmailed by the myserious "Black Gloved Man".

too Hot frozen PLanet The King is back.

It's Antarctica's turn to get the Attenborough treatment.

Visually, it's incredible. If you begrudge paying your license fee, watch this, it'll seem like a bargain afterwards.

HiM and Her

Becky and Steve return for a muchanticipated second series. But will they finally shake off their eccentric neighbour Dan?

russeLL Howard's good news With Harry Hill burping his final ever burp in the new year, Russell looks all set to step into his shoes.

tHe X factor

*Both have since been cancelled

Obviously it's not good, but we just can't help but tune in every saturday.

Whether it's to watch the love between Johnny and Gary grow, or to spit venom at contender for the worst human of the year, Frankie.

CHILDREN'S TV PRESENTERS

THEY WERE WITH YOU THROUGH THE GOOD TIMES AND BAD, BUT WHERE ARE THEY NOW? SARAH CATTLE FINDS OUT...

Blue Peter Presenters

Michaela Strachan

A familiar face of '90s children’s television; Michaela is best known for presenting BBC1’s The Really Wild Show for over a decade. Michaela inspired many children to take an interest in wildlife with her enthusiastic approach: young boys fancied the bubbly blonde, while girls wanted to be her. Michaela joined the programme in 1993 and developed a passion for wildlife which has stuck with her since the show ended. She appeared to have a change of heart earlier this year, presenting Great British Ghosts, but still returned to Autumnwatch 2011.

Simon Thomas, Konnie Huq and Matt Baker are some of our generation’s most memorable faces from the small screen. A childhood classic, Blue Peter is the longest running children’s show in the world, meaning countless repetitions of the phrase "Here’s one I made earlier!" All three have left kids’ television and grown up with us: Simon has moved to Sky where he's a successful sports broadcaster, Konnie has dabbled in a variety of TV programmes, most notably last year’s Xtra Factor, and loveable geordie Matt Baker is now a host for The One Show.

Lizo Mzimba

Neil Buchanan

Neil has to be one of the most likeable and talented presenters of recent times. Art Attack was a huge hit and encouraged kids to get creative at home. Big Art was undoubtedly the highlight of the show, as we tried to figure out what on earth he was making, finding out only when the camera zoomed out to an aerial view.

Many people wrongly believed Neil had died, (following viral internet rumours), poor guy – he is in fact now a rock star with his band Marseille and recently released a selection of Hope Street Prints, based on his childhood experiences.

Papier maché, anyone?

Lizo was one of CBBC Newsround’s reporters for a decade, gracing our screens several times a week to report a mixture of trivial yet inoffensive news and significant stories directed at children.

Now a BBC Entertainment correspondent, an article posted by Cambridge University, which was later proven false in a rather amusing apology (“It was untrue to label him a sleaze [and a] perve") accused Lizo of behaving in a debauched manner whilst visiting Cambridge to film a documentary about the university.

Piers Morgan's Life stories We thought we'd shipped him off to the yanks, but no, he's managed to sneak his way back to the UK. If we all ignore him hopefully he'll clear off again soon!

so not

tv@yorkvision.co.uk

Do we really need to talk about Kevin?

W Fans of Jane Austen and minimalism alike will appreciate the new "flip back" edition of Pride and Prejudice. This pocket-size style of book is set to be the next big thing in publishing.

Show the world your obsession with books by wearing a witty literary t-shirt; zazzle.com has a huge range of graphic tees.

e Need To Talk About Kevin offers up the latest reworking of a book into a film.

Though bibliophiles and film buffs alike may groan in unison at the prospect of yet another adaptation, this Orange Prize-winning tale of a high school massacre, told from the perspective of the murderer's mother, provided a surprisingly entertaining 120 minutes of chilling familial bloodshed.

The novel opens with the quote "A child needs your love most when he deserves it the least," and the big screen production of We Need to Talk About Kevin brings to life every mother's worst nightmare in depicting how to cope with the knowledge that they have raised a serial killer.

As a self-confessed bibliophile, I was interested to see what Hollywood would make of the chilling depiction of nature vs. nurture, pitting Tilda

The Liverpool Tate's Alice in Wonderland exhibition showcases original manuscripts and illustrations. A must for Alice fans.

Any book-lovers wandering around York should search for hidden treasures in Fossgate Books a rare and second-hand book shop on Fossgate.

CAITLIN WALKER

of two camps; the bored who fail to be captivated by a plot they already know, and the incensed, for whom the adaptation fails to meet the merits of a novel they hold in such high esteem.

I confess I almost fell into the latter category with the appearance of John C. Reilly as Kevin's naive father Franklin (really producers, you ought be ashamed!) yet the real genius of this film lies in its depiction of the novel's plot in a way that is both artistic and prosaic simultaneously.

The opening scenes depicting Swinton being carted through a crowd during the festival of La Tomatina parallel her anguish hiding among tinned fruit cans in the soup aisle of a supermarket. Stretching the imagery a bit far? I thought so, but then I am a reader at heart and heartily encourage you to give not only this book, but also the film, a try.

JORDAN LLOYD

BIG BOOK ON CAMPUS (BBOC)

G

Harrods is currently hosting a pop-up Potter store, with merchandise for sale and original props and costumes from the films on display.

An unmissable experience for Potter fans.

Swinton as the ineffectual motherturned-victim against her coldly villainous (and equally androgynous) son Kevin.

My curiosity was immediately piqued on hearing about We Need To Talk About Kevin's adaptation for the big screen. As it's an epistolary novel I thought that depicting the complex flashback scenes and combining them with the events of the present would prove challenging in any We Need To Talk About Kevin reworkings.

However, the perfect casting of Swinton in such a tortured, existential role in spite of the credible American vernacular required- was enough to persuade me to purchase a ticket. I remained thoroughly on edge throughout the experience.

The danger of the novel-film hybrid is the boredom versus predictability factor. Readers of the novel who review negatively will fall into one

eorge R. R. Martin's novel A Game of Thrones, which was recently adapted into an enormously successful HBO TV series, is an epic fantasy tale.

Spanning over numerous kingdoms and realms, the novel details the stories of the House of Stark, the Royal Family of Baratheon, the exiled former heirs to the Iron Throne and the sinister world of The Others, who live "beyond the wall". At first sight, this is a daunting mix of pure fantasy and chivalric history, with plenty of names thrown in just for confusion.

However, A Game of Thrones is a novel that grabs the reader by the gullet from the very beginning and refuses to let go. For readers who are new to the genre of fantasy it provides an excellent starting point, treading the line between pure imagination and Arthurian tales of knights and damsels that will inspire a certain nostalgia in most readers.

The grand scale of the novel allows for twisting plot lines and characters that develop and surprise consistently throughout the fairly hefty 800 pages. But don't let the length of the novel put you off. Carefully constructed chapters that revolve in turn around individual characters give the reader both the satisfaction of a galloping read combined with nuanced and engaging storytelling.

Fantasy allows for characters like the brilliantly droll,sarcastic dwarfs to feature alongside downtrodden girls who wish they could wield a sword with powder covered eunuchs who smell like fields of lavender. No other genre gives the reader such a range of stories to experience whilst connecting with a cornucopia of oddly satisfying figures.

The television adaptation reflects this; with wide shots of desolate Tolkien-esque landscapes with a delicate representation of the depth each char-

acter of the novel is given. A strong cast including actors such as Sean Bean, Mark Addy and Lena Headey, provide brilliant performances that breathe life into the characters of the novel, without ever compromising the integrity of the original story.

The TV adaptation enhances the sex and violence that runs through the novel. Ultimately, A Game of Thrones is a novel about outcasts, those who choose to live their lives against the grain, and those who are not fortunate enough to have the choice. It is a novel concerned with loyalty and honour (as any good fantasy novel is) with a wickedly dry sense of humour and hints of unfolding mystery at every turn. A fantasy novel concerned with both the imaginative and the human; what more can a reader ask for?

SOPHIE WOOTON

Secret Reads...

V

ery few of our generation seem to know of or even to have heard of H.P Lovecraft, and yet his influence on modern culture has been vast and wide-ranging.

His readership was already limited when he was alive and writing during the 1920s, and has gradually subsided since then.

Perhaps most comparable to Edgar Allan Poe, Lovecraft described his own genre of sci-fi/horror as "cosmicism" or "cosmic horror." His short stories revolve around the idea that the true mysteries of life and the world are beyond human understanding and that the hidden horrors of this universe are hostile to humankind.

While you may not have heard

of Lovecraft, no doubt you will have come into contact with some aspects of his work; Stephen King marked Lovecraft as his greatest influence, as did Alan Moore (of the V for Vendetta and Watchmen graphic novels). Other examples of Lovecraft's influence are the Metallica song "The Call of Ktulu" (based on one of his better known stories The Call of Cthulu) and even in an episode of South Park, in which the demon-god Cthulu features under the control of Cartman.

The Necronomicon is a superb collection of the best pieces of Lovecraft's work, beautifully contained in a tactile black binding, with goldetched print and an image of Cthulu on the front. The great thing about this book is that it feels like you ac-

tually are holding the giant grimoire of forbidden lore and magic that's featured in the stories. Lovecraft writes vividly and powerfully to give a real sense of horror and fantasy, and accompanied by some beautifully handdrawn images, the stories are also extensively imaginative and complex.

Lovecraft has created whole civilisations and races each with their own spellbinding history, as well as imagining a whole pantheon of awesome demon-gods. Some of the best stories in the collection to look out for are The Lurking Fear, The Call of Cthulu, At the Mountains of Madness and The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath.

PHILIP WATSON

WEIR AND WONDERFUL

Literary events in and around York

MEGAN GRAHAM TALKS TO THE PROLIFIC HISTORICAL WRITER ALISON WEIR

A

lison Weir is the biggest-selling female historian in the UK. At the age of fifteen she was already subsumed in the research of what would later become her first published books, and when she isn't on tour with her most recent release she still writes until 2am most nights. At the same time, she still found the time to personally respond to emails and agreed to meet me with only two days notice, staying behind after a book signing despite the fact that her friends were waiting for her and her visit to York was a brief one. In spite of all her achievements, her astounding intelligence and her tenacious work ethic, in person she is not in the least bit intimidating.

It is perhaps this innate down to earth-ness that makes Weir's books so very readable. Although she's been researching and writing about history since she was fourteen, as both a historian and a historical novelist, Alison's books appeal to all, from secondary school children to university professors.

She approaches her writing in much the same way, whether history or fiction.

"Empathising with the character is important, and does occur when writing in such depth is a priority. However I always try to remain as objective as possible. If a new piece of evidence comes to light it must be acknowledged." Unsurprisingly, she sees writing fiction as the more liberating of the two, and it seems she sees it as a welcome change from the rigors of strict academia.

"It is a very liberating mode to write

in sources for figures where they are virtually non-existent. The styles are very different, requiring a different mindset and a different way of thinking altogether."

Weir is somewhat adept at altering her mindset to suit changes in her life.

As a student she missed out on a place on an A-level History course - ironically because her fascination with Tudor history stopped her from revising for her exams - but blagged herself a place using the manuscripts of biographies she'd already written. Since then she's trained as a teacher and opened a private school for disabled children, researching and writing the entire time. Her first book, Britain's Royal Families was published in 1989.

Despite the fact that her novels have sold astoundingly well in the UK and America, Weir admits that at first she struggled to break away from writing straight history, saying that the first paragraph of Innocent Traitor, "read like the beginning of a history book. It really was a quite spectacular learning curve.

I had to go right back to square one, and learn a bit of humility!"

Further attempts were more successful and saw Weir acquiring an increased emotional involvement with her characters. "None of my early writing was at all objective, but then I learned not to be romantic or emotional about history. Innocent Traitor wasn't like that at all. I felt like I was Mrs Ellen, who's a very motherly figure. My daughter was the same age as Lady Jane Grey when I was writ-

ion Science Fict

The Forever War: Jo

e Haldeman

A

lthough publis hed in 1974, Jo e Haldeman's Th e Forever War stands as one of the greatest sci-f novels of all tim i e; winner of th e prestigious Nebula Aw ard (as well as the Hugo and Locus awar ds), the novel recounts the 1000 year lo ng interstellar war between humanity and the monstro us Tauran species thro ugh the eyes of disaffected military solid er William Man della.

Mandella begins the story as a so er unwillingly lidconscripted into an elite military corps, being assembled for war against the Taur ans. Through th e use of "time dilation" technology that prolongs the lifespan of the interstellar soldiers, Mandella experi ences the futile and terrible war first ha nd, fighting for what becomes centurie s. Eventually re turning to earth, he ex periences "futu re shock" at how rapidly and vastly hu-

mankind has ev olved. To preven t overpopulation, ho mosexuality ha s become the norm, and society has falle n into discord through vast unemploym ent and the wide availa bility of deadly advanced weaponry. Aliena ted from this ne w world order, Mandella has no other op tion but to return to m ilitary service fight once more against th e Taurans .

Haldeman him self was a vete ran of the Vietnam W ar, and he wrote The Forever War as an al legory of the fu tility and brutality of war , the alienation Vietnam veterans felt wh en they return ed to a changed Americ a and also as a criticism of the war mon gering culture of humanity. A film of Th e Forever War, di rected by Ridley Scott, is due for release sometime in 2012.

A Clockwork Orang Anthony Burgess e:

I

ing, and so the last scenes in the book were almost unbearable for me. When my publishers asked for more I told them that I didn't think I could go there again."

Female characters are a prevalent feature in Weir's books, and one that she defends strongly against academic allegations of increasingly feminised, 'gossipy' history. "Until very recently, history was just men writing about other men, which is all very well but there are hundreds of other stories that also deserve to be known.

"My publishers would like me to write about women more, b e c a u s e women writing about women is a big area of interest, but the women I write about really do have to be genuinely fascinating, that is very important."

After speaking with Weir one is left with the impression that if anybody is well qualified in re c o g n i s i n g a fascinating woman, it is undoubtedly she.

f George Orwe ll’s 1984 is the prodigal son of bleakly dystopian science fiction, then Anthony Burg ess’ cult clas sic A Clockwork Or ange is the ba stardised brothe r who refused to fully return to th e flock. Now be tter known as th e foundation fo r Stanley Kubric k’s controvers ial film adaptation, it remains an in effable jour ney into an all too fa miliar world wh ich still manag es to take the read er by surprise at every turn. We are forced to

PHIL WATSON

explore our own conceptions of rape, murder and betrayal no uneasy truth is left unquestioned.

The fact that this novel pushes reality’s boundaries without allowing them to penetrate fantasy’s borders is both deeply troubling and a testament to the novel’s strength. It ensures that we as readers question our own society and its way of dealing with minorities and taboo acts, in such a way that we can never go back. Disturbing and essential reading.

GEORGE OSBORNE

Brandon Sanderson at Waterstones, York Plugging his new book in the Mistborn series, The Alloy of Law, Sanderson will be available to sign copies and speak about his works. As a sequel to his Mistborn trilogy this fantasy novel is published on 8th November.

Sanderson is at Waterstones in York Thursday 24th November.

Anthony Horowitz pens new Sherlock novel The House of Silk is the brand new Sherlock Holmes case, written by York Alumnus Anthony Horrowitz. Published 81 years after Arthur Conan Doyle's death in tribute to his memory it is the first ever to be supported by the Conan Doyle estate. With Holmes dead, Watson sets out to recount one of their earliest cases together.

Available from 1st November.

Comedian Jason Manford at Waterstones, Leeds Jason Manford comes to Leeds to sign copies of his new autobiography, Brung Up Proper.

Known for both his stand-up and his stints on panel shows such as Would I Lie to You?, his autobiography has only just been published in September and provides a highly comic insight into his upbringing and the origins of his love for the city of Manchester.

Jason Manford is at Waterstones, Leeds Tuesday 8th November.

The Book Report

esire Stevek's d the state. muf o m n co io e ss th se and for n o e ads ti s s le lu o o ts v p for re o plane The Dis ds both of the tw ival he could n le n b o ti d a se ic n es rv he Disposs ilosophy in its gle for su to a strug nticipated. ph e d g a sci-fi and in e n nce seem never hav ward-win to accepta ogmas, s th Nebula A ster worlds of a p e Th ith d in f the si strewn w l tests and piction o Annares. These tw f ogether a lt ic a d e m o y g d u ces, dod e arrival n Urras an a th its as yo m h b it ro w n e llide vek, ked ali gh, a u n o h th g utopias co nd ingenious Ste n u e o v en at. E g a iloske a stick er to Urthe youn could sha and the ph g, nd travell a cs st si in y ci t h e si p n y e la in th p lm a ph s, e e e h th m ti at le overw l comes to these a Genera n be a litt ras, who p ca ly lo y ct e e h p ev rf o d e p t to ncaptures human an attemp eory in order to u Le Guin their very Th d l n ra a e o s e. p d m m rl ti e o T of uestions th alien w the nature s to the disedom. It q ver nment e fr r fo derstand n o ts figh nd go r allusi rian Soof rules a With clea g in a authorita morality y imposin n a rl e f A v o S o U g ce st in e li l and b a t it fu u p e cordan o p ca h wit both ho d and the n is n a t io a u n h th U T e t vie tes of into the im narrativ in the sta lving deep orld, galstions e e d u l, q fu d n reflected r se mou rfect w Disposses and y of a pe ly too A-Io, The of individualism possibilit mains on re h b s ic su n h o d w n y, a a y w a it the noti s m axie m, confor ome. pause for collectivis close to h eming to se r e rs e ev v n li e d k e v version, Ste y the time that ideas as LOR breath. B ear cl is HIE TAY P it , posO ry e S o e th th in is ll h a perty are well as pro

Le Guin ssed: Ursula

T

F I NA L V E R D I C T TOM MARCH gives us his take on the revolutionary new Apple iPhone 4S

O

n October 4th 2011, Apple introduced the iPhone 4S to the world – they call it “the most amazing iPhone yet” and so I decided to find one for myself and give it a full review. The first thing you'll notice is that...there's nothing new to notice. Just as the iPhone 3GS was to the iPhone 3G, the 4S is almost exactly identical to it’s older brother, the iPhone 4. Bar a few small much-needed changes to the antenna, it would be difficult to tell the two apart. The inside however, is a different story. The new A5, dual core 800 Mhz processor (taken directly from the iPad 2) is considerably faster than the processor in the iPhone 4. And if you’re a music or video buff you'll be pleased to know it will be available with up to 64GB of storage.

There’s also a brand new camera and, if you’re a photographer, you’re likely to get very excited about it. Whilst undoubtedly a considerable megapixel improvement when compared to my old phone, the fact that I have no idea what an f/2.4 aperture is means that it didn’t thrill me as much as it could have. Nor, in reality, did the surprise that it has HDR (High Dynamic Range) or five separate lenses. However, the camera is noticeably better than a lot of other smartphones and can launch and shoot in only a few seconds. It also films full HD video.

Impressive.

But the biggest new feature that Apple is using to sell the iPhone 4S is Siri. Siri is, if Apple is to be believed, the next revolution in mobile technology – the personal assistant. The idea (which is beautifully executed in the adverts) is a phone that you can speak to quite naturally and have it

perform all the daily functions of your life, such as “Siri, send a text message to my girlfriend,” gets “What would you like it to say?” or “Siri, I need to hide a body,” gets “What kind of place are you looking for?

Metal foundries, swamps, mines, reservoirs or dumps?” You get the idea.

So next time you’re jogging along, driving or just have your hands full of laundry and can’t pick up your phone, you can still rearrange that important meeting next Thursday. The idea of being able to interact with computers using natural language is a dream many of us share; but unfortunately I don’t think Apple has managed it as well as they claim. For example, Siri can’t tell the difference between Megan and "making" and gives up the fight entirely when faced with a Scottish accent.

On top of this, Siri relies on a permanent internet connection meaning that ever-so-slightly ropey 3G (pretty common in York) leads to a frequent and frustrating “Sorry, I’m having trouble connecting to the network” along with the loss of the entire e-mail you’ve just taken the time to dictate. Oh, and amazingly Siri doesn’t do any location services in the UK whatsoever – meaning he refuses to tell me where I am, find a local restaurant, or give me directions to the nearest mine in which to hide my dead body.

Whilst a nice gimmick, it does mean that Siri is pretty featureless and when there’s no internet connection it actually does less than Voice Control did on the 3GS (which didn’t require a connection at all).

So, with one plus and one minus, how does the 4S compare to other

phones? The best way to answer that is to look at the features that people expected Apple to introduce. For instance, NFC (near-field communication) is the technology that allows you to pay for something by just tapping your phone on the card-reader and has just been included in the latest Android software, but was ignored by Apple. LTE (long-term evolution) is the latest standard for high-speed mobile internet currently being introduced in the USA, and whilst Apple improved the speed of the 3G radio they left out LTE capability. And finally, the iPhone has a relatively small screen (only 3.5”) compared to the rest of the market – the quality of it is great, but there isn’t the room for games and video that other phones have.

Whilst there are good technical or practical reasons for each of these exclusions (for instance, a smaller screen means your thumb can cover the whole surface area without stretching too much), other phone manufacturers have managed to work round them with considerable aplomb.

Technically, the iPhone isn’t miles in front like it used to be.

In reality, the iPhone 4S is much the same as its predecessor but slightly faster and with a few small add-ons. Many Android manufacturers make their living on doing this with every phone they sell, and they certainly never do it as well as Apple.

However, they do it every few months. Assuming the iPhone 5 comes out in October 2012, it will have been 28 months between major releases by Apple and a phone that is missing a few small things today will be a dinosaur after two years.

smartphone shootout: the top 4 W

elcome to the future, in which smartphones rule all. Sony Ericsson has already announced that, from 2012, they’re only going to make and release smartphones. Blackberry, ever the keyboard’s best friend, is moving towards touch-screens alone. Whilst the bad news is that phones are becoming increasingly similar to one another, the good news is that these phones are improving rapidly.

The new Blackberry 7 sees a relatively dull upgrade to an already dull OS. It’s fast, but doesn’t stand out. Windows 7.5 is a notch above, though its flexibility and number of apps isn’t something to rave about. The iOS 5 is a great improvement and the new iPhone also includes Siri, the best voice control that exists (and which has a level of understanding and humour that has escaped all previous voice controls amd is able to understand most regional dialects). Android 4.0 is released this month and looks to outshine the competition.

To help you find your way through the smartphone maze here is Vision's review of four new releases.

S

SLEEP CYCLE RATING: 4+ PRICE: £0.69

leep Cycle is a clever little app that will track your body movements whilst you sleep throughout the night. By doing so, it will wake you up so that you feel most refreshed and alert.

The logic behind this app relies on our basic sleeping pattern. As we sleep, we pass through phases of drifting into sleep, followed by a deeper sleep where our heartbeat lowers and we move less. Then as we begin to stir awake, our movements increase due to REM (Rapid Eye Movement) sessions before waking up. The idea is simple: you run the app just before you go to sleep and leave it on your bed before you go to sleep. It will monitor your moving and gently wake you with mellow sounds as you naturally begin to awaken.

After trialling this app for a week or so, I can say that is one of the more 'intelligent' apps out there. It closely follows your individual movements over each night to build up a profile of when you will feel most refreshed.

Whilst it is not an alternative to getting the right amount of sleep, it will make you that somewhat more willing to get out of bed on these colder winter mornings that are approaching.

VISHNUU NITHIYANANTHAN

JASON ROSE examines the latest smartphone releases

Motorola RAZR

Blackberry Torch 9860

At 7.1mm thick, the Motorola phone is uniquely stylish and beautifully designed. Boasting a generous external screen and unique "See What I Can See" capability, this is a good bet for any smartphone connoisseur and likely to get a relatively speedy update to Android 4.0. Impressive enough to help re-establish Motorola’s once-sterling image.

The Blackberry Torch has not yet been released in this country but is one of the most hotly anticipated technology releases of the year. With a slider design and five megapixel camera it's pretty well equipped for multimedia usage, but what with the recent bad publicity surrounding the collapse of their internet services, and tight competition in a crowded marketplace, this solid design fails to standout.

iPhone 4S It is the new Siri voice control technology that makes this phone unique and the Apple app market remains strong.

However, with Samsung overtaking Apple in smartphone sales and Android becoming more popular, only time will tell whether the iphone will continue to remain one of the best smartphones this year.

Samsung Galaxy Nexus The Galaxy Nexus is released on November 17th, and stands out as the first Android 4.0 (“ICS”) device out there. Much anticipated, and though the processor isn’t the 1.5GHz many had hoped for, it doesn’t disappoint.

I, personally, consider this the best phone this year.

Rachel Pronger speaks to "tweed rockers"

The Young Knives

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he Young Knives are not the most conventional rock band. For a start their bassist is nicknamed "The House of Lords" (as far as rock star stage names go it's not exactly "Bono", is it?) Then there's the (assumed) penchant for tweed, not to mention singer Henry Dartnall's striking resemblance to David Mitchell. But Thomas Dartnall, a refreshingly candid interviewee, is quick to assert that this wasn't a deliberate attempt to create an 'anti-rock' image.

"It wasn't that we were trying to be antirock...we just weren't very pro-rock," he explains."When The Libertines first came out, and The Strokes, it was all leather jackets and Levis, a total cliché...Everyone sort of looked at them and went 'Wow, they must be cool.' We just wore what we’d always worn, charity shop stuff. I never have carried off a leather jacket, all that posturing. I would have felt like a fraud."

Dartnall is even quick to dispel the tweed myth. "At some point people started writing that we were anti-rock and that all we wore is tweed, which wasn't true. I don’t have any tweed! I think our press people encouraged it because it gives people something they can write about a band.

Saying 'they're an indie band' or 'they're a pop band' or 'they’re an anti-rock indie pop tweed band,' - it's a good tagline!"

The Young Knives have never been people-pleasers. The Oxford based three piece have been around on and off since the late 1990s, having gone through various name changes, before settling on Young Knives. It was winning the "Road To V" competition in 2006 that finally brought the band some mainstream attention, followed by a well deserved Mercury nomination for their first full length album Voices Of Animals And Men. Part of the reason for such delayed success must surely be due in part to their reluctance to enter into the media circus. Discussion of that Mercury nomination uncovers Dartnall's scepticism about the machinery of business. "I think if you can put 'Mercury nominated' on the poster then they might sell a few more tickets off that or something..." he muses. "It was funny, when we got nominated we were pleased and then when we got there we realised that it was a bit of a... it was a bit of a weird thing. You see it’s voted for by a panel of music industry judges, and it's just their opinion. And a lot of the bands were new bands, and it seemed to be that it wasn’t the best album of the year, it was the best album by a new band of the year that fit into this category of music. And a whole load of people weren't up for it because you have to pay to be up for it. It’s a funny sort of institution. Everybody takes it very seriously and puts a lot of importance on the Mercury like it means something. It kind of means something, but it also means nothing as well. But it's nice anyway, someone saying that you're good. You

have to look at it like that, I suppose."

This reluctance to court the industry has perhaps held the band back. Despite their defiantly un-rockstar appearance and persona, The Young Knives have written some cracking tracks. Their super powered, punk pop makes for dynamic listening, Dartnall's staccato, half shouted vocals giving a perverse power to surreal lyrics such as "and if all else fails/ I am the Prince of Wales." The new record Ornaments From The Silver Arcade feels like a slicker proposition, with single 'Human Again' an infectious hit that suggests a glossing over of some fre-

People started writing that we were anti-rock and that all we wore was tweed... netic eccentricities from their earlier material. Not that this is a criticism, there's always a place for The Pixies-esque alternative pop, and as Dartnall's candid manner suggests, The Young Knives are hardly slaves to the charts. Dartnall agrees that they were aiming for something more contained than their sprawling early work. "We just want to have well written songs and not add anything more.

Not put in crazy solos where we didn't need them... just songs that people can get straight off the bat, and know that’s the hook and that’s the lyric and whether

it’s good or bad...Before we were always like. 'let’s put in a crazy solo here, or extend this by another 16 bars, or put some extra weird lyrics in here...' We just didn’t bother this time round."

I wonder if the band were worried they might alienate their fans with this "pop conversion", but Dartnall remains defiant. "I think we probably will, but it doesn’t really worry me very much. The bands that I always like are the ones that push themselves to do something new.

There are certain bands that just end up repeating the same thing and there comes a point after ten years when it just becomes dated and they drop off the radar.

I think of a band like Supergrass, for example. I mean, they were amazing when they first came out, and they did do some good things, but they never seem to do anything new and now that they've split nobody's interested. Whereas a band like Radiohead, for instance, they completely changed their style and they did alienate a lot of their fans doing that. But they're still massive, partly because people are excited by that. Like Picasso, he must have gone through a thousand different styles, some of which are good and some of which are bad, but he kept inventing new stuff that people were surprised or outraged by. I’m not saying we’re like Picasso. but..." When I remind Dartnall that he's just compared his indie band to a cubist genius, his chuckle is of grim resignation; ever since NME said they looked "like paedophiles" you get the impression that band couldn't care less what is written about them.

A similar ambivalence is detected towards the stigma attached to indie-bands-

gone-pop. "I only use the term, not as in what is commercially successful, but just as in the idea of popular." says Dartnall.

"A concise song with chords and singing, you know, not like some jazz odyssey.

Songwriting! That's what I mean. Just writing a song that people will like... The things that I really like are bands who do indie pop but push the boundaries with it. People like Talking Heads who do pop music but they're really inventive with it.

They probably inspire people in other directions but at the end of the day it's just a pop song. Just, what can you do with a pop song?"

The Young Knives' career has been turbulent, but Dartnall seems to have no regrets, despite the lack of lasting chart success. When I ask what the best thing about his career so far has been, he makes it clear that it's the little things that make an impression. "We’ve had certain nights when you play a concert and it’ll go really well and you think that’s probably it. More so than playing a big festival, like Glastonbury, or a TV programme or something. Those things are good, but they're not as fulfilling as when you write a song and play it in front of people and they like it; when someone comes up and they say some weird B-side is their favourite song. I remember some guy who came up to us and said that when he finished his pizza round, there was this one B-side he used to listen to in the car. He used to smoke a joint and listen to it on the way home. That and The Entrance to the Queen of Sheba . I thought that was really cool. Those are the things that make it worth it. It's part of their musical identity in some way and you're part of that."