Vision 140

YORK VISION SHORTLISTED FOR 8 NATIONAL AWARDS

WWW.YORKVISION.CO.UK

ISSUE 140: FRESHERS’ WEEK 2002

SNOW: BUSH HAS HAD A BOOZE RELAPSE

INTERVIEW: PAGE 8 

Piers Morgan 

PAGE 11

The Music 

PAGE 23

AS STUDENTS ARRIVE TO A CAMPUS IN CHAOS, WE ASK:

WEREN’T YOU EXPECTING US?    

Library is a building site Freshers forced to room-share Bar and Venue plan ‘cocked up’ Computers knackered . . .

THINKING OF sleeping, working or drinking at University this term?

You’ll be lucky.

A catalogue of problems is threatening to blight the beginning of the new academic year.

University accomodation is full to bursting, the library’s got more rubble than books, and the computer system’s been hit by technical difficulties that have baffled the boffins.

And students aren’t the only ones to be suffering, according to a senior source in Admin.

York’s new Vice Chancellor, Brian Cantor, arrived in his official residence last week to find the windows were falling in and the electrical wiring on the blink.

Cantor admitted to Vision that he hasn’t even stepped foot in the chaotic J. B. Morell library so far.

Now Students’ Union President Tom Connor has added to Cantor’s headache by threatening direct action to secure changes in University policy.

The Union is keen to “take advantage” of his inexperience.

Tom Connor told Vision:

“This is an important year because of the new VC. “We have to use this opportunity to stake our claims and make what we want to do on campus very, very clear.

“I'd be more than happy to take part in any direct action of any kind as and when it was needed.”

Connor blasted the disruption caused by ongoing building work across campus, especially in James college.

FULL REPORT PAGES 6 & 7

. . AND EVEN THE VICE CHANCELLOR’S GOT DODGY WIRING

, proving we’re the best in the country Your paper sweeps the board in student press shortlistings

VISION’S DONE YOU PROUD YORK VISION has been nominated for a record 8 national student media awards.

It’s no suprise that we’re one of only two student papers to be up for Best Stuent Paper at both ceremonies.

Several of Vision's star writers are up for the fiercely competitive gongs.

Veteran columnist Gareth Walker, who graduated over the summer, is up for Best Columnist. His consistently dazzling copy ran for four terms, encompassing his fourth year with us.

Having joined Vision back in 1998, Gareth had previously held the positions of Politics editor, Features Editor, Managing

Editor and Deputy Editor before being apointed Chief Columnist under former Editor Tom Smithard.

His shortlisting is a longoverdue nod to his unique talents.

Vision's Deputy Editor Isobel Todd is shortlisted for Critic of the Year.

Isobel has consistently produced some of the bestwritten, funniest and most well-informed criticism to be read anywhere in the

media.

Since Christmas, she has masterminded the overhaul of Vision's review sections.

It will come as no suprise that our News Editor, Rob Harris, is in the running for Best Student Reporter. Still only a second year, Rob has consistently broken stories which have got everyone on campus talking.

His news team have also been recognised for their brave campaign to improve the University Health Centre. It’s a crusade which is still up and running in this issue.

Our website www.yorkvision.co.uk, edited for the last year by Laura Pearson and her team, is once again up for Student Website of

the Year.

Having come runner-up in this award last time, Vision is hoping the r e c e n t l y revamped site will get the top ranking it deserves.

As well as bagging the Best Student Newspaper category, Vision is also up for Best Student Publication on a Small Budget - the only paper to be shortlisted for both awards.

Vision is unable to put out more than three issues per term due a limited grant from the Students' Union — the subsidy is uniquely small compared to the rest of the student press.

REPORTER: Rob Harris

P a s t media winners include Andrew Rawnsley, the Observer journalist and broadcaster, Heat editor Mark Frith and Guardian columnist Jonathan Freedland.

This year’s batch will be tipped in Fleet Street as the stars of tomorrow.

The awards are now in their 26th year, and are judged by the biggest names in the industry.

These include Daily Mirror Editor Piers Morgan, Channel Four News anchorman Jon Snow, the Prime Minister's Spokesman Alistair Campbell and BBC regular Mark Lawson.

Last year saw more peo-

WEBSITE: Laura Pearson

ple getting involved with Vision than ever before, with all its editorial positions filled.

However, the paper was also strongly criticised, most notably by former Students' Union Services Officer Dan Simon.

He tried to close the paper down as a society, believing it had a personal vendetta against him.

The awards ceremonies are due to take place in London in November, and will be preceded by student media conferences.

Doubtless the other papers will be keen to learn the secrets of Vision's extraordinary success.

COLUMN: Gareth Walker

STAFF: WE’RE REVOLTING  Porters’

overtime pay slashed  Academics blast poor pay and conditions

Mags Parker Disgruntled porters, furious with recent wage cuts, have threatened strike action across campus.

Recent re-structuring of the university pay system has led to rumours of a retaliatory ‘work-to-rule’ policy, which would prevent porters from working overtime in protest at the cuts.

As part of the annual pay review, university bosses have offered pay rises to all employees working in manual services on campus.

This includes porters, catering and domestic services staff.

However, in an unprecedented move, Admin SLASHED overtime pay.

This drastically affects the earning potential of employees working shifts, and – despite a 3.2% pay rise – effectively reduces net salaries.

The new system also means that porters may be vulnerable to wage cuts again next year.

Tom Connor, SU President, commented: “the University have said they feel they are paying porters too much anyway.

“That’s because they quite clearly do not give the porters credit for the work they really do. They go by the job description which doesn’t include the obviously vital welfare role.

“That’s being ignored by the University.”

The dispute now threatens to have

TALKS: Andy Macdonald repercussions across campus.

The SU team has been in urgent meetings this week with Facilities Manager Andy Mac-donald, to ensure that Freshers Week remains unaffected by the potential strikes.

If porters refuse to work the hours necessary to enable campus events to take place, they may have to be cancelled.

Sources within the Union have voiced fears for campus safety and suggest these pay cuts are merely the next step in Admin’s plan to remove 24 hour portering from campus.

Unison, which represents porters, domestic staff and catering staff on campus, has denied that strike action is imminent.

It stated that negotiations with the University are in its early stages.

Domestic staff have already left the negotiating table with a substantially better pay offer, with a rise of 8.6%.

In a separate development, the York Evening Press published two letters from academics over the summer break, complaining about the appalling wage levels of teaching and research staff at York.

Dr Richard Greaves, a research fellow in the Chemistry Department, spoke of his intense job insecurity.

He’s had at least 8 short term contracts with the University in the last five years.

Pete Glanville, assistant director of recreation at York, was also quoted as saying that “the levels of pay for University staff are the most shocking I have seen in all my years in higher education”.

The starting salary for a new lecturer is currently less than two thirds of the average graduate salary.

At the time of going to press, the University refused to comment on the accusations.

A spokesperson stated that negotiations are in progress and that pay was reviewed annually.

Whatever the outcome, the porters are putting on a good face.

One senior porter commented: “it would be unwise to add anything to the argument on either side at this stage.

“But porters are happy people. We will continue to smile regardless. That is what

CONNOR READY TO FIGHT CONTINUED FROM FRONT PAGE SU P re s i d e n t To m Connor has pledged to continue the campaign to save 24 portering in all colleges, which was the major hot-spot of the last academic year.

The SU has argued for years that student security and welfare is put in danger if there are no porters in colleges overnight.

450 students occup i e d Heslington Hall, the heart of University Admin, last February to protest at cuts in Vanbrugh's p o rtering service.

A n d C o n n o r hasn't ruled out a similar

demonstration in the near future.

Va n b r u g h ' s night porter has been restored from 7pm to midnight, and Admin has guaranteed there will be no stealth cuts in any other college.

But Connor still claimed that Admin was “not keen” on keeping the 24 hour portering system.

TOUGH: Tom Connor

FRESHERS YORK VISION

NEWS 3

THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE? NO, THE LUCKIEST SPEAKING TO Helen Grieve, you wouldn't know she'd been through an accident which would leave the bravest of us terrified.

Last August Helen, who

organises Community projects for the Students' Union, fell 250ft down a ravine in a minibus. She lay trapped inside the collapsing wreckage for two hours.

But Helen is keen to put events of August behind her: "I don't have a problem talking about it but I don't really want to dwell on the personal effects."

Nonetheless, as soon as she was out of hospital, Helen found herself under pressure to sell her story: "I got offered hundreds and hundreds by a lot of different people to just talk about it after the event, mainly by young women's magazines."

Her refusal to talk meant there were some howling reporters' errors: "One paper said I was in my late twenties, and there were about ten mis-spellings of my name."

She has turned all interview requests down until now, and is still reluctant to speak about the accident.

Helen was driving supplies to the camp in the maroon minibus she'd taken her test in when the accident occurred. There was no one else on board as she passed the Hole of Horcum, a a 400ft natural hollow on the road to Whitby.

Witnesses saw her clip the curb on the narrow road which overlooked the ravine: "I think people are assuming that I just kind of lost control and drove over the edge but I clipped, just clipped the edge and it was really unlucky" "The bus just flipped right over and barrow rolled for about 250 foot down the ravine."

Helen doesn't really remember the massive fall: "It happened so suddenly all of a sudden the steering wheel wasn't there anymore."

"The bus knocked over one tree and it got stopped on the second tree. I was up in the air. I couldn't see anything apart from the roof of the bus about a couple of inches from my face."

A collapsed seat meant

EXCLUSIVE

Adrian Butler

most of the still-concious Helen's body was trapped in a bus which was collapsing in on itself.

Rescue

Help arrived almost immediately, but the ordeal wasn't over: “When I was in the bus, they weren't sure quite how they were going to cut me out of it. It was getting tighter and tighter.”

“I had to have an oxygen mask and they gave me injections - it was quite frightening.”

Outside the bus, firemen were desperately trying to keep the bus balanced on a tree while stopping its collapse to get Helen out: “The firemen put in hydolyics that prised it open, but then the bus would start to wobble.”

“They didn't talk to me when it was happening: they kind of went ‘all right, love?’

“They talk about you as if you are not there and I could hear them say'’How is she doing?’ ‘Oh I don't know.’ ‘What shall we tell her?’ ‘Tell her it's only going to be another ten minutes.’”

After two hours, Helen was out of the bus, and was rushed to Scarboruough Hospital in a helicopter for every possible X-ray and check-up.

Helen had bad cuts and bruises: “I was black and blue, my whole face had cuts all over it. My chest had been crushed, and my tummy had been squashed for so long.”

But she now jokes that her “only scar” is a small mark above her wrist. Her remarkable escape led to her being nicknamed “Miracle Girl” by her local newspaper.

“The were amazed there was nothing wrong with me.

I had to be in for observation just because of the massive trauma, but I was out the next day.”

Unfortunately, with no bus, Kids' Camp had to be cancelled. But within days, volunteers had raised almost £500 towards a new vehicle.

Helen hopes she'll be able to

buy a replacement “by the end of the year.”

Also flooding in were get-well-soon cards, flowers and chocolates from Helen's anxious friends and family.

They won't have been the first glut of presents Helen has received: “I've had quite a few accidents.

The thing is I'm not a clumsy person, but when I have an accident I do it properly.

“I cracked my head open last October in my campus room, and I've broken my foot and my leg.”

But Helen is hoping her sabbatical year will now be accident free as she settles down to her first full term behind her desk.

Fresh ideas should see more and more students volunteering in the community, and Helen is keen to get freshers involved: “There's a new dog walking programme, and a couple of mentoring schemes working with gifted youngsters who are taking their GCSEs early, and want someone to talk to about it.”

And it's clear that she has moved on since the summer: “People keep on saying ‘you must have been really traumatised,’ but it was over in five hours.”

“Anyone could have an accident. Obviously I felt bad about it at the time, and I was so upset the camp had to be cancelled, but it was just an accident.

“Everyone says that it must have been the most horrible day of your life but then it was the luckiest day of my life. I'm so, so lucky.”

Quality house and funky grooves

(Left) WRECKAGE: Firemen at the accident. (Top) RECOVERED: Helen now

DJs Sunday nights Ask at bar for student discounts and offers Well-priced, quality bar food

04 NEWS Jasmine Appleby CRAFTY students made off with free booze and a carving knife from a Chinese takeaway after pretending to be food safety inspectors.

They later took the knife with them into Derwent's end of term bash, where it was discovered by security staff.

University spokesperson Hilary Layton admitted that finding a knife at the event was "quite serious".

She said the knife was found by the entrance to the bouncy castle where the culprits had been told to leave their shoes.

Two students were asked to leave the sell-out Big D event and

News in brief York beats Oxford league in table THE Sunday Times has ranked York second only to Cambridge for the quality of its teaching.

Its annual university guide said York also had one of the best graduate employment rates in the country.

Old rivals Durham were trounced as York bagged the highest ranking for a university in the North-East.

But York was down in seventh place in the overall table behind Cambridge, Oxford, the LSE, Imperial College, Warwick, and St Andrew’s.

Fancy bites plan rejected POPULAR lunchtime venue Browns, in Heslington Village, has tried to transform itself into an upmarket 44-seat restaurant aimed at students and staff.

The company said competition from Costcutters has caused a “drastic decline” in sandwhich sales, and argued that it needed to diversify its business.

But its planning application was turned down by City of York councillors, eager to protect the quaint character of the street.

FRESHERS YORK VISION

Knife prank causes campus alert make their way off campus.

One of the students involved has apologised for any distress he caused.

He said stealing the knife had been "a spur of the moment thing" after having a few drinks in town.

He added: "It was nothing planned or organised. We just just pretended to be food inspectors when we got there."

And the cuplrit claimed he hadn’t remembered that he was carrying the knife when he went onto campus. He said: "I forgot about it completely. Then they said to us at

the castle, 'can you put down any objects', so I pulled it out of the back of my trousers.

"I was in the wrong completely.

I wasn't intending to do any harm to anyone or anything. It was a joke gone wrong."

Derwent provost Ron Weir described it as a "silly incident".

He added: "It's a pity that two students should behave in such a silly way and made work difficult for security." Weir was quick to praise the organisation

of Big D, which raised about £3,000 for charity.

Half of the proceeds went to the Tentelena project, which sends UK students to teach in township schools in South Africa.

The rest went to Caring Matters Now, a charity set up by Derwent student Jodie Unsworth to help people with a rare skin condition. Big D organiser Laura Fyall said

SABOTAGE

was delighted with the amount of cash the night had raised.

"It was an opportunity for students to get together and say goodbye before the end of term, and to make a lot of money for charity at the same time," she said.

she

Are Students’ Union condoms safe?

FREE condoms dished out by the Union in college bars are being delibrately sabotaged, according to several worried students.

Former Union Welfare Officer, Jenna Khalfan, was concerned enough to personally carry out checks across campus.

She said: “I’d had several different people tell me they’d heard someone was pin-pricking them or something similarly dodgy.

“So I checked all round campus to be certain they were okay.

It was Simon Milne, JCR welfare rep for York’s biggest college – Halifax – who first raised concerns at a last year after being approached by a worrried student.

Milne expressed his outrage at what it would mean if the rumours are true.

He said: “What are they hoping to achieve?

“It’s only going to lead to unsafe sex with all the pregnancies, abortions and STDs

Jon Bentham that come with it.

“What's worst is that the trust between college welfare reps and students has been shattered.

“If this has really happened then it's all going to break down.”

Halifax welfare reps are checking the free condoms in the college bar every day, according to Milne.

He added: “The condoms just disappear so fast here.

“I’ve already had it minuted [in a Welfare Committee meeting] that Halifax is the most rampant college on campus.

It’s worse than Toffs.”

Current SU Welfare Officer Gary Loke has dismissed the rumours of condom sabotage as an “urban legend'”.

He claimed ignorance of the concern of his predecessor until contacted by Vision.

“No-one’s come directly to me about it with a problem,” he said, “this is the

same rumour that’s been circulating since my first year at York.” And he insisted that condom distribution policy for this term will not change.

“We distribute them to the college welfare reps then it's their decision regarding what they do with them.”

He has urged any concerned student to see him personally, as they are welcome to take condoms stored in the Union office.

And he strove to reassure campus that the free condoms are safe: “If any, anywhere, have been tampered with, it will be quite evident.”

Martha Deiros, welfare rep for Derwent college, was more outspoken when she slammed sabotage rumours as “blatant lies”.

“Someone is trying to scare people out of using the free condoms. There's nothing concrete to it at all.”

She added: “There’s no way anybody could tamper with them without the bar staff noticing.”

Telly swots bungle Paxo

Vision thanks Thanks to everyone who graduated over the summer.

Join Vision at the Freshers’ Fair, Saturday Week 1.

NEXT VISION MEETING ON MONDAY WEEK 2 IN PX001 (PHYSICS), AT 7PM. Call Vision on 01904 433 720.

Vision is printed by Westcountry Design and Print, Exeter.

CALM: Gary Loke

YORK has crashed out of this year's University Challenge in the second round.

Their opponents from Cambridge stole an early fifty point lead, and York was never able to close the gap.

The match ended with York on 155 and Emmanuel College Cambridge on 205.

For captain Paul Williamson there was one reason to be cheerful as he hit it off with opposing captain Rosie Marsh.

The two boffins exchanged phone numbers and Paul says he will definitely be giving her a call.

"I'm always on the look-out," he said.

The York students also got on well with host Jeremy Paxman,

who even promised to go fishing with Paul's dad. Despite the defeat, the plucky underdogs and their supporters still had a great day out at Granada Studios in Manchester.

"There was lots of free booze and good chat," said captain Paul.

"Paxman definitely liked us.

He called us a nice team on air.

"I really wish we had won. The boys were amazing throughout, but we just didn't shine on the day.

York's team was: Paul Williamson, Paul Harvey, Phil Cregeen and Chris Charlton.

The match will be screened on BBC 2 later this year.

YORK VISION — THE INDEPENDENT VOICE OF YORK STUDENTS Editors: Adrian Butler &Tom Hazeldine Deputy: Chris Cermak & Isobel Todd editor@vision.york.ac.uk Managing Editor: Neil Brown Advertising Manager: Caroline Newcombe Deputy: Charlotte Day advertising@vision.york.ac.uk Web Editor: Laura Pearson System Administrator: Nick Lay & Ben Morris web@vision.york.ac.uk News Editor: Rob Harris

Deputy: Claire Coady & Catherine Milner Politics Editor: Post Open Deputy: Gavin Aitchison Media Editor: Anna Mayall Deputy: Kelly Nobay Features Editors: Rebecca Bull & Mags Parker Deputy: Post Open Lifestyle Editor: Sarah Musa Deputy: Post Open Food and Drink Editor: Roxy Warrick Deputy: Ed Cunningham

Music Editor: James Kelly Deputy: Robin Howells & Ewen Tant Films Editor: Jonathan Beaufort-Jones Deputy: Jess Shiddell & Steph Taylor Arts Editor: Louise Burns Deputy: Post Open Books Editor: Cathy Baldwin & Liz Hicks Deputy: Jon Bentham & Tom Elcock Sports Editors: John Hyde & Johnny Morgan Deputy: Jamie Coggans Photo Editor: Post Open

Deputy: Lizzie Turner Cartoonist: Timo Opinions expressed in Vision are not necessarily those of the Editors, Senior Editorial Team, membership or advertisers.

Every effort is made to ensure all articles are as factually correct as possible at the time of going to press, given the information available.

Copyright Vision Newspapers, 2002

FRESHERS YORK VISION

DOUBLE VICTORY IN OUR HEALTH CENTRE

 More

pressure on campus doctors  National praise for Vision’s courageous student campaign Tom Hazeldine THE TROUBLED campus Health Centre is to face competition for new patients after its credibility was shaken last term.

It became notorious when Vision exposed cases where students felt they had been treated badly.

One girl with a suspected kidney infection was told she had merely pulled a muscle.

Dr Keith Price gave her some paracetamol to ease the pain, but the next day she fell dangerously ill.

Her local doctor advised she be taken into hospital to prevent serious dehydration.

"I'm appalled with the way they've neglected me," she said.

Another patient who thought she had cystitis was forced to wait days for urine tests to be sent off.

Yet another went to the Health Centre with a bad cough and was given an inhaler – only when she returned two weeks later was she finally diagnosed with acute bronchitis.

Both the Evening Press and BBC Radio York ran reports based on Vision's allegations.

Vision’s fearless reporting has bagged the paper a nomination for Campaign of the Year at the Independent Media Awards.

Patient confidentiality means that doctors cannot discuss individual cases with the media, but the Health Centre refused to talk with Vision about even general issues such as their battered media image.

'Dr Keith Price and Partners' did rush off a fax as pressure mounted, claiming they had a "user-friendly" complaints procedure.

But they declined to answer any further questions.

Now Fulford Surgery has been invited to the Freshers' Fair by Union Welfare officer Gary Loke, who urged students to "register with someone you're comfortable with".

The Union also has information on every practice in York, available to stu-

PRESSURE: Dr Keith Price dents on demand.

Loke said: "If you're not comfortable with the Health Centre, you might want to look elsewhere."

Fulford Surgery already has a considerable number of postgraduates and teaching staff registered with them, according to chief receptionist Gillian Soothill.

She said: "We do the best we can".

Now their undergraduate custom is likely to soar.

Gary Loke maintained that the Students' Union "are not for or against" the Health Centre, and blamed "a communication break-down" for fuelling problems last term.

Practice Manager Brenda Mumby revealed that the campus GPs will run a patient satisfaction survey later in the academic year – a move welcomed by the SU. They are also developing a new website with an online feedback option.

She added: "We have never had a problem with other practices having a presence during Freshers week and understand that this has happened in previous years."

NEWS 5

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FRESHERS YORK VISION

NEWS 7

TO CRUMBLE? Another late return

ADMIN promised an end to the bulk of building work by the end of the summer, yet students are returning to find another term of noise, dirt and disruption in the JB Morrell library.

Head of User Services, Wayne Connolly, who is overseeing the project, blamed delays with the ground floor refurbishment on “unexpected difficulties with structural work.”

He told Vision: “We’re a little way off target with the second stage – we’re now expecting the new issue desk and entrance to be ready for the end of October instead.”

He denied the delays were in any way due to the £50,000 cut in the operational budget of the library for the academic year just closed, and hit back at detractors, drawing attention to the areas where they have succeeded.

“The new Humanities Research library next door is still on schedule [to finish early February] and the installation of the new computer programmes in July went very smoothly, we’re very pleased with how it all went,” he added.

“We’ve tried our best to contain the noise in the vacation and for those that are still finding it too loud, there are numerous ‘quiet study areas’ right across campus.”

That suggestion has gone down badly with SU President, Tom Connor: “Why should students have to

MORRELL LIBRARY trek back and forth all over campus with a pile of library books when they might only have a couple of spare hours to work in the first place?” he demanded, “and the ‘quiet study areas’ are far from ideal either – they can be incredibly stuffy.”

Connor has blasted Admin over the constant disruptions: “We need to look at the whole situation here,” he said, “many students at York will have had continuous building work disruption for their whole three years of study and that’s just outrageous.”

The delays with the ground floor refurbishment are also doing the university no favours with prospective students.

One 17-year old girl from Staffordshire – here on a recent open day – told Vision: “I thought the library was supposed to be one of the most important parts of a university.

“It looked pretty crap here to be honest. Cambridge was much more impressive.”

Connor remains forthright on the issue: “The university has to get its act into gear and start listening to the students if they want to offer a truly world-class education.”

A library that doesn’t resemble a building site is as good a place to start as any.

COMP SYSTEM JINKS-ED

Double HOUSING FRESHERS arriving on campus this week will found accomodation in crisis for a SECOND year running.

Students will be forced to share rooms for the first time in years, as the university struggles to cope with the demand for places.

This year saw a considerable increase in successful applicants — part of a long-term plan by the university to have a reported 5,000 more students within five years.

However, new accommodation is not being built at a fast enough rate.

The next phase of building is set to be on the site of Goodricke College — but no date has been given for building work to start.

Accommodations chief David Maughan admitted to Vision: “York is a victim of its own success with higher admissions than we were anticipating.”

Late applicants will form the bulk of those forcced into the

Call this a library? The builders are still working on the multi-pound project

“ABSOLUTE chaos” – that’s the shocking prediction of SU President Tom Connor, as Computer Services struggle to update university computer systems in time for the start of and with absolutely no warning they’ve term. completely changed the system.

York’s team of computer administrators “Every day now we’ve got people who have had attempted an ambitious campus-wide just returned, coming to us saying ‘I can’t upgrade of their Outlook 2000 programme to work this computer, I can’t even check my Outlook 2002 four weeks ago, but have been emails.’” dogged by problems ever since.

Connor has little hope that all will be well Baffled technicians have now had to call for by the start of term: “If Computer Services are outside help as they try to deal with technical struggling now with fifteen to twenty people a faults concerning the download of online inforday asking them for help, how are they going mation by the upgraded software, a problem to cope when five thousand students get back that has caused some computers to fail altoto campus? It’s going to be absolute chaos.” gether.

He went on to attack the conditions in the However, Mike Jinks, head of the computer rooms themselves, singling out huge Computer Service has defended the move.

G169 for particular criticism: “I have never had this problem before,” he “We’ve had a number of complaints from said, and argued that hiring outside help will students that computer rooms get it sorted sooner. in Goodricke, Langwith, “It’s better to buy the Vanbrugh and Derwent are all expertise and solve the probtoo hot to work in, but G169 is lem.” absolutely unbearable.

He scoffed at rumours that “It’s just been refurbished the Microsoft consultant was and yet the university has compaid around £10,000 for his pletely ignored the issue of the two days’ work, and stated he ventilation systems. When is was “pretty hopeful” that Admin going to start listening things would be back to norto the students?” mal by Freshers Week.

It will have to be soon, if Yet even with all systems Connor’s predictions are anyrunning smoothly, Connor thing to go by. insists that students are going Five thousand angry stuto be left clueless: “It’s very dents besieging Computer dangerous what they’ve done Services will be pretty difficult here. Most students on camMike Jinks, Head of to ignore. pus are used to using Netscape Computer Sercvices

COMPUTERS

double rooms, which exist in Derwent amonst other colleges.

Derwent Chair Rick Guest is horrified at the predicament Freshers are finding themselves in.

“Its totally ridiculous, Admin need to target its money on the right things,” he said.

“Its going to make life very difficult for me in particular as a number of students will be very distressed.”

“In Freshers Week some students find it hard moving away from home for the first time.

This lack of privacy could make the first few weeks even more worrying.”

Gary Loke, SU Education and Welfare Officer, is concerned about students’ privacy: “It is going to be very difficult sharing a room with someone you have never met before. ‘‘It could be a great problem if you don’t get on with the person that you’re sharing with.”

Loke urges anyone with any problems to see him and he will catalogue all complaints and lobby Admin.

Derwent ‘s chair Rick Guest is concerned about the lack of privacy Additionally he insists that the SU are making sure that it can’t happen again.

Maughan admitted that he shared these concerns about privacy, but pointed out that many single rooms will be freed up because of drop-outs.

The SU are pleased that undergraduates won’t be forced to live in the post-graduate Wenworth accommodation as was originally planned.

Those sharing rooms will be paying considerably reduced rent, which will be of concern to the SU fighting its campaign against differential rents.

Last year, Halifax students arrived to find their housing incomplete and were forced into bed and breakfast accomodation.

SNOWSTORM 8 POLITICS

FRESHERS YORK VISION

The outspoken presenter of Channel 4 News talks to TOM HAZELDINE and ADRIAN BUTLER about George Bush’s alcohol problem and why Sissons got the boot

SENT DOWN from university for annoying the people in charge, Jon Snow has always been a man who says what he thinks.

Now he’s taking on the most powerful man in the world.

Snow told Vision that he thought President George Bush, a reformed alcoholic, had “got pissed” when he nearly choked to death on a pretzel earlier this year.

He warned: “I'm worried about a guy who was a pretty heavy cokehead, certainly an alcoholic.

“People do recover from alcoholism, but you're always up against it.

“I'm worried about the pretzel. I’d need a lot of persuasion that you can do yourself that sort of injury on a pretzel.

“I think he might have had a relapse. I think he might have got pissed.”

And Snow is just as candid when it comes to the big guns on this side of the Atlantic.

He calls Peter Sissons “lazy”, thinks John Simpson’s “self-adulatory” and doesn't believe Iain Duncan Smith has “a cat in hell’s chance” of winning the next general election.

Strolling breezily into a plush Canary Wharf office suite for our interview, Snow looks like a man at ease.

He’s just spend the morning with the leader of the Tories, weighing up his success after one year in charge. And he’s not impressed.

“I think everybody has something — even Iain DuncanSmith must have something, but I'm not sure that I've found it yet.”

Later, he’s off to review a book for the Daily Mail before heading into the studio for another evening of Channel 4 News.

Snow has done well for himself – and he knows it.

He kicks of our interview with a well-polished bit of autobiography.

The man hasn’t had a day of training in all his life. Was he gifted or lucky? Probably both.

His spell at Liverpool University came to an abrupt end when the bigwigs sent down the entire Students’ Union after a particularly raucous demonstration – “an amazing achievement”, he says.

After working in a drugs rehab. centre, Snow got his big break reading the news on the UK’s first commercial radio station.

Why did he take the plunge?

“I discovered I was better at talking and writing about a problem than actually dealing with it.”

The IRA had launched a bombing campaign in London and Snow used to race to the scene on his bicycle, leaving

good, but we were always first.”

ITN head-hunted the rising star in 1976, and since then Snow has reported on just about everything from everywhere.

He sums up the job very simply: “You meet interesting people, and unlike the military you don't have to shoot them.”

Even though he now spends

“I’m worried about a guy who was a pretty heavy cokehead, certainly an alcoholic. I think he might have had a relapse” ON GEORGE BUSH

Joined ITN in 1976 after working in local radio 1980 Journalist of the Year Award for his coverage of Afghanistan, Iran, and the Middle East Washington correspondent 1984-6, returning to the UK as ITN's Diplomatic Editor Full-time presenter of Channel 4 News from 1989 Exclusive interview with Monica Lewinsky for in Channel 4's Dispatches 1999 other journalists standing.

“We had scoop after scoop,” he says proudly.

“We may not have been very

most of his time in the office as chief presenter of the acclaimed Channel 4 News, Snow laughs off the idea that he’s just a talking head.

But he does worry that other people aren’t doing their own jobs properly.

“When television began, they used to hire actors to read the news. Then they said ‘oh no, we must have journalists doing it.’

“But we've deteriorated to a point at which, effectively, journalists are just looking like they know what's going on, but they’ve had nothing whatsoever to do with it.

“They probably haven’t made a single call during the day to verify anything they’re going to put on the air, and they haven’t written any of it either.”

Is he troubled that no one wants age before beauty in a world of soundbite news? Not

SHIRTY : Jon Snow necessarily. BBC News has just had a major shake-up, with veteran anchor Peter Sissons booted out to make way for cuddly Welshman Huw Edwards, but Snow thinks that might be no bad thing.

“There's always stuff about how Peter Sissons had been got rid of because he's old.

“He was got rid of because he was lazy. I mean he used to just slump in front of the old terminal, listen to Radio 3 and get on with it.”

And what about Huw? According to Snow, he’s “a very funny man”, but perhaps

not “a frightfully invigorating presenter”. The jury’s still out, it seems.

But there is, as Snow points out, more to journalism than the endless tittle-tattle about personalities.

The media has woken up to the outside world since September 11, he argues, but the quality of news coverage is still only patchy at best.

“How much have any of us read or seen interesting or probing material about Saudi Arabia? And yet 19 of the hijackers were Saudis.

“People say ‘no, I’d rather

have someone in the Tora Bora mountains with the odd bang going off behind them because it’s cheaper – we can sort that out with the military’.”

Snow claims he’d still rather be out there in the thick of it, but he evidently enjoys being centre stage back in the studio.

“On Channel 4 news,” he says with a flourish, “we write it, we retrieve it and we speak it. There are no actors or actresses with us.”

And with that he’s up and off, pausing only to ask how the hell to get out of the building.

The future’s blue...claims a top campus Tory YOU COULD have been forgiven for being a little surprised when news reached the press of a nationwide ‘campus tour’ by senior Conservative politicians.

Universities can hardly be considered traditional territory for Iain Duncan-Smith’s party. After all, student politics is very much the last bastion of the extreme-left, and the Tories trail badly in opinion polls of younger and first-time voters.

As far as redressing such a deficit goes, ‘Politics Unplugged’ – as the tour is known – is merely a small step in the right direction. The true test of whether the Conservatives can appeal to the general student body will come only with new policies and an improved image.

However, the timing of this initia-

tive is unlikely to be bettered. Given Labour’s disastrous record on student issues, and with the hard-left offering their usual mixture of hot air and no results, students desperately need the Conservative Party to provide an effective, straightforward and positive alternative voice.

What must the new University intake think about this Labour government? Already treated like laboratory rats for the shambolic and unnecessary introduction of new-style AS and A2 levels, they now find they cannot even trust the grades they have been given.

Having worked in a 6th form college during September, I’ve seen first-hand the impact that this has had. How many prospective York students are sat at home now instead

of reading this newspaper, having

Iain Lindley

been forced to waste a year?

Meanwhile, even current students face uncertainty as the Higher Education Spending Review is continually delayed.

The Prime Minister’s aim to get 50% of young people into university remains a meaningless sound-bite unless the government can clarify how these extra places are to be funded.

And all this before I’ve even mentioned the dreaded tuition fees!

In the face of this, the Liberal Democrats claim to be the true representatives of young people, but they too have failed to meet student expec-

tations. They may claim to have abolished tuition fees in Scotland, but that is a graphic distortion of the truth.

Faced with a minority Labour administration, they opted to sell students out with a compromise that fell well short of expectations rather than use the balance of power to force Labour to back down.

It’s at times like these that one might expect the student body to turn firmly to the left, but to achieve what?

On recent form, expect the extreme-left to put protests firmly in front of performance and rhetoric above results.

I was unfortunate enough to witness the scenes at NUS Conference where, rather than push on to discuss the Student Welfare motion – one of

the most vital components of any Student Union – the hard-left invaded the stage. How can students possibly trust an organisation that gives scant regard to such important student issues?

So where does this leave the Conservative Party? Progress has certainly been made; in addition to ‘Politics Unplugged’, Conservatives have been elected onto the Executive of the National Union of Students after a gap of some eight years, and a shadow minister for young people, Charles Hendry, has been appointed.

There may be a lot of convincing still to do, but now more than ever the students of this country need a Conservative alternative, through a party that is prepared to stand up for young people and student interests.

FRESHERS YORK VISION “SADDAM HUSSEIN has the ability to inflict real damage on the stability of the world.”

Those were the words of

Tony Blair in the 52-page dossier revealing government intelligence of the Iraqi regime.

Blair has found it hard to convince people over the past few weeks.

He has failed to convince world leaders that Saddam could pose a real nuclear threat, and even now opinion polls reveal the majority of the British public would not support war without the backing of the UN. The subsequent isolation of the US and Britain from other nations has fuelled the notion that Tony Blair is a mere lapdog of George Bush, culminating in Jaques Chirac’s subtle implication that the British Prime Minister is a “sycophant” to America.

The attitude of many of those who do not support a war has, of late, been one of tired cynicism as well as fierce trepidation.

When Tony Blair and George Bush, thumbs in belt loops like two county sheriffs, insisted that war was needed before they had compiled evidence, they set themselves up to look brash, unrealistic and rather ‘gung ho’ in their attitude.

One of the many polls that have been conducted recently has revealed that support for Blair is almost as low now as it was in 2000, during the fuel

Dawn E. Morrison blockade. Back then, Blair told the public in a very condescending manner that there would be no tolerance of “violence”, which was as absent then as real solid evidence of Saddam’s weapons stockpile is now.

At the TUC conference Blair was faced with union leaders who do not wish Britain to take part in any military plan.

Blair’s speech played heavily on the September 11th attacks, even though no connection between Iraq and the al qaida network can be proven.

Appealing to the emotion

ANTI-WAR : Schroder generated by the atrocities at ground zero, rather than hard evidence, will only serve to make Blair appear even less credible.

The ammunition given by those for and against the war is actually much the same; it is the manner in which it is dressed up that makes the difference. Iraq probably does

have supplies of chemical weapons in stock, but does not have any way to deliver them anywhere in the region of the UK and certainly not the US. A perfectly viable argument for war lies with the Iraqi civilians, who are clearly suffering under the current regime, and yet are all too seldom mentioned.

The Iraqis live in a destitute country where torture and arrest is routine.

But as Kosovo and Afghanistan demonstrated, the US does not place as much value on civilian life as it does on military glory, and therefore if a war ensued there would be a needlessly great loss of life.

Whilst our Prime Minister has been giving his undivided support to George Bush, the German chancellor Gerhard Schroder won an election on the premise that he would not toe America’s line And at the recent recall of parliament, 53 Labour M.P displayed misgivings.

Convincing Britain of the need for military action has now become a secondary problem; Blair has to win back the support of those who have lost faith in him as a political figure in the last couple of months.

POLITICS 9

DON’T DO IT, TONY . .

The most courageous thing he could do now is withdraw his support for Bush and concentrate on domestic issues rather than international affairs. Only then will he have the consensus of the British people.

WAR PLANS : Blair talks with defence secretary Geoff Hoon

. . IRAQ HAS SUFFERED ENOUGH Chris Hook WAR AGAINST Iraq seems unavoidable. Despite all the pronouncements made by George W. Bush and Tony Blair, and the best efforts of our media, the British public seems unconvinced.

And as well they might. The International Atomic Energy Agency has quietly and efficiently shut down Iraq’s nuclear reactors.

Even the former head of the UN inspectorate Scott Ritter – himself a Bush-voting Republican and self-confessed Israeli spy – states that Iraq’s military threat is zero.

Yet all the familiar hypocrisies keep rearing their heads: Iraq invaded another country. True, but our best friend in the Middle East, Israel, invades Palestinian, Lebanese, Jordanian and Syrian territory on an almost daily basis.

And our NATO ‘ally’ Turkey has been illegally occupying northern Cyprus since 1974 – so why not bomb these law-breakers?

“We can not act everywhere at once,” is the typical brush-off.

Funny that ‘we’ always seem to intervene where ‘we’ have the most

strategic interests, and always against the most defenceless states.

Iraq is a case in point. The 1991 Gulf War was a one-sided bloodbath: 157 dead AngloAmericans juxtaposed with 200,000 Iraqis.

“It’s really not a number I'm terribly interested in,” Colin Powell remarked coldly. Iraqi lives, like the 3,000 Afghan civilians recently killed by AngloAmerican bombs, are expendable and irrelevant.

A subsequent inquiry, conducted by US Attorney General Ramsey Clark, concluded that the AngloAmerican assault had violated the Geneva Convention, which expressly prohibits attacks on “objects indispensable to the civilian population, such as foodstuffs, agricultural areas and drinking water installations”.

Little wonder that the US is so scared of the new International Criminal Court.

Water and sewage treatment plants remain desolate. And thus 22 million Iraqi people are denied regular access to potable water.

Malnutrition and illness are endemic. Since the necessary medicines are prohibited under the sanctions regime, diseases such as

diarrhea, typhoid and diphtheria have become killers which, according to UN reports, result in 6,000 preventable infant deaths every month.

It is hardly surprising, therefore, that a UN report concluded that over 500,000 children had

died as a “direct result of the sanctions policy” imposed on Iraq.

The situation is so dire that Dennis Halliday, the former UN Assistant Secretary-General and Co-ordinator of Humanitarian Relief to Iraq, resigned in 1998,

claiming that, “we are in the process of destroying an entire society.

It is illegal and immoral.”

Sanctions were imposed upon Iraq in 1990 in an unsuccessful attempt to peacefully coerce Saddam Hussein to withdraw from Kuwait.

They were later prolonged until such a time when Iraq would comply with Resolution 687, whereupon they “shall have no further force or effect”. But how likely is this really?

Madelaine Albright declared in 1997 that “we do not agree with the nations who argue that, if Iraq complies with its obligations concerning weapons of mass destruction, sanctions should be lifted”.

How fair is it to punish a whole people because they are ruled by a dictator, over whom they have no control?

How many more innocent lives must be sacrificed to this madcap mission to reorder the world according to American designs?

The Iraqi people have suffered enough. We must oppose this war.

ANGER: An Iraqi mother pleads with US Rep. James McDermott at a Bagdad hospital to end sanctions

Check-out the best and exclusive political analysis online at www.yorkvision.co.uk

Europe has not pushed hard enough Is America to blame for the impotence of the United Nations? to make a proper World Court GEORGE W. BUSH warns of the United Nations becoming “irrelevant”, if it does not act to ensure that past Security Council resolutions against Iraq are upheld, by force if necessary.

In making this statement,

Bush reluctantly began his current campaign to achieve his aims on Iraq through the UN. It was a compromise, of sorts, but don’t expect the Amercian’s to stick it for long, argues Chris Cermak.

THE NEW International Criminal Court was designed as a transnational body which would bring to justice those responsible for crimes against humanity, committed anywhere in the world.

But American opposition

and the indecision of the EU has blighted the project, writes Dimitrios Rovithis.

Europe is delaying its next move, desperately hoping to avoid a complete surrender to Bush. We need this court to work.

The decline and fall of New Labour’s Third Way

WITH THE rise of far-right parties across Europe, and a fall in support for Labour in the UK, the much vaunted thirdway is looking weaker than ever.

If Labour are to retain power at the next election,

then Tony Blair must start showing that the third-way can work domestically, claims Peter Edwards.

The public will reject a government that isn’t working to solve urgent problems on the home front.

10 COMMENT

NEWSPAPER OF THE YEAR

YORK VISION

Tom CONNOR

WINNER OF 3 GUARDIAN MEDIA AWARDS

Byron in need of a servicing

THEY say that it’s always the nice guys who end up in the worst situations. Well, tough.

The SU sabbatical officers have enjoyed a term in their posts without any criticism from Vision. Each time we’ve come out, they’ve nervously crowded round a copy and breathed a sigh of relief. But now it’s time to make them spill their coffee.

Sabbs, consider your honeymoon period officially over.

Of course, we’re not about to lay into them for an easy story.

But it’s our job to hold them accountable for their actions — or inactions.

And students are getting fed up with the way that James Byron has been conducting himself in the Services hot seat in recent weeks.

You see, the hot seat’s empty. And James is in bed.

Byron is effectively the CEO of the SU, and, traditionally the boss gets into work late. But at the moment, the SU’s hardly the toast of Wall Street. It’s time to put in some extra hours.

Vision isn’t interested in attacks on Byron as a person.

Compared to his predecessor Dan Simon, he is seen by most people as a pleasant person to deal with.

Simon was one of the most obnoxious people to walk on campus — even those working next to him in the Union Office couldn’t stand him.

But we’re worried about attacks on the way he handles the job, which entails a budget of £500,000, and can make a massive difference to student life.

It’s a huge responsibility – but he seems to be struggling with the enormity of the challenge he faces looking after the services for 10,000 students.

Dan Simon’s legacy is partly to blame for Byron’s first highprofile cock-up — the Freshers’ Bash that lost the Union thousands of pounds.

But now James is on his own with no one to blame when the shit hits. His big challenge is the Grad Ball, and as we did last year, Vision will be monitoring its progress very closely.

We are not trying to ruin the event with our investigations (as Simon claimed last year) but to expose problems earlier on to ensure graduates get the send-off from York they deserve.

In fact, many believe that if we hadn’t put the frighteners on Simon early on, the event wouldn’t have been half as good as it eventually was.

Byron’s honesty is to be applauded. He is now realising that the Services brief needs a big commitment, and it’s refreshing for him to admit: “I need to put more effort into the job.” But you get the sense he’s happy just to keep apologising — it’s easier than getting out of bed on time.

People who don’t do anything don’t leave paper trials. It’s hard to prove when a sabb isn’t pulling their weight — but we’re on the look-out.

Monorail! Monorail!

“BETTER than a bus, faster than a tram, the students of Halifax have finally spoken: we want a monorail!” chants Mike Berrill, the genius behind the campaign that’s got the SU running for cover.

To the less keen observer, it seems nothing short of monorail madness, but did Berrill and Burns really expect anyone to take their campaign seriously?

There was egg on Admin’s face at the beginning of term when they failed to come up with the pitiful sum of £160,000 to end the 30-year wait for a Central Bar and Venue. Compare that figure to the fruits of Burns’ assiduous research - she’s been ringing round for estimates and it will apparently cost “somewhere between four and seventeen million pounds” to save soggy Halifaxers the ten-minute walk to campus.

It doesn’t take much to work out that the pair may just have another agenda. But what exactly are they trying to achieve? The more rebellious elements of the college have jumped on the bandwagon and claimed it as a protest against a supposedly incompetent Students’ Union riddled with bureaucracy.

No-one cares about UGMs they say, the Union’s failed spectacularly in their attempts to regularly attract just 4% of the student body into Goodricke Dining Hall once every few weeks, and so they have lowered the bar accordingly.

But to dismiss the SU as a group of self-serving careerists deserving nothing but our contempt is to completely ignore all the hard work behind the scenes. Sports clubs, societies, welfare — everyone leans on them now and again.

Students generally avoid UGMs because they’re awesomely dull — something no-one can claim of the unforgettable night at the packed Halifax JCRC open meeting.

And there-in lies the truth: for most this isn’t an almighty protest, it’s simply that York students are BORED. We’re stuck for three years on what’s now officially the dullest campus in Britain — is it any wonder we’d rather act out an episode of The Simpsons than vote on equal opportunites?

Finding a Services Officer who’ll be out of bed by lunch time seems the next step in our search for a yawn-free uni.

“No-one sensible can be arsed to stop us” says Berrill. For the time being, he may well be right.

after all I don’t want to get my

Survey probably done by crowd of drunken loons

I

T WAS to my surprise two weeks ago when listening to the radio that I heard a local news article proclaiming that York students were the most boring in the country, according to Siemans.

Obviously nobody from the electronics company could be bothered to investigate York properly and instead decided to base their judgement on who could down a pint of piss quickest while standing in a bucket of congealed custard with their pants down having their eyebrow shaved.

I guess that it depends on your definition of “boring” –

head or eyebrows shaved yet I don’t regard myself as boring.

And I don’t believe that all the people involved in the diverse range of clubs and societies on campus are boring either.

York (and indeed our campus) is relatively quiet compared to other cities, but perhaps that is why people choose to study here in the first place. We are all primarily here to get a degree after all.

Perhaps what this survey really tells us is a little more about the mentality of those running Siemans. I would guess that most of those associated with this survey are former stu-

Letters

YORK VISION 03/12/02 dents themselves and will therefore be a crowd of shaven-headed drunken loons. This may explain why they make such crap phones.

P

robably the most significant thing to happen recently was the quorate UGM in week 7.

Not only was the budget passed — at great relief to all those present — but the quoracy figure (the number of people needed to be in attendance for the meeting to take place) itself was lowered from 4% to 2.25% of the total student population.

The main reason for doing this was obvious: In the last three years only 4 UGMs have been quorate out of a possible 38. There is obviously something wrong when the only UGM to be quorate in a single year is the one where the budget gets passed.

Furthermore, the number of students required to be at these meetings was beginning to spiral out of control as the university expands and would not have taken long to reach the 400 mark. The task of achieving these numbers on anything like a regular basis would become impossible.

We can now represent our students better than ever. Policy

VISION editor Isobel Todd replies: At Vision we’ve always been open about any financial difficulties. In fact it appears to have been from our published editorials and society emails that Nouse gleaned the sparse information for their current issue’s article, ‘Total lack Of Vision.’

This was a response to Vision’s recent expose of Nouse — a well researched piece aimed at highlighting the discrepencies in the distribution of funding to all societies — an issue which has repurcussions for all students.

Unable to refute our findings, Nouse’s article is merely a rehash of the above letter, with added factual innacuricies.

Bear with us while we put a few things straight.

It was in one of our society emails that we mentioned our printers involvement in our immediate difficulties — justly so, since they had informed us that issues must now be pre-paid with only 24 hours notice. It was, therefore, our printer's lack of communication which forced us to take up the '11th hour loan'.

Regarding the rather more important accusation that Vision is misusing funds, we were given a short term loan to cover costs incurred last term, while we await

the Award money and advertising revenue, which we've been forced to persue through legal action.

As for the grant, we asked for this term's grant in order to cover this term's expenditure- not previous costs, as Nouse allege. It was, anyway, standard procedure to ask for this, since the media budget for this term doesn't actually get passed until Christmas.

To clear the confusion Dan Jones is clearly experiencing, our gripe last issue was that Nouse got the same amount of grant money as Vision, yet produced fewer issues.

Ironically, Vision has been meeting with the SU this term in the hope of achieving just such an agreement as Dan Jones proposes above. All the media societies might, by now, have arrived at a solution to our collective financial difficulties, if it weren't for Nouse's unwillingness to cooperate in these talks.

As for the claim that Vision was ‘unavailable for comment’, if Nouse were really interested in speaking to us they should’ve popped across the corridor.

This might've saved Nouse's readers the boredom of witnessing their exercise in petty in-fighting, and Vision the wearisome task of printing this response.

And by the way: Note to Ken

n Batten… We are not happy

with security and portering provision on campus, but thank you for bringing this issue to our attention in the last issue of Vision. I’m sure you will be hearing much more about this soon.

The writer is President of the Students’ Union.

GROGAN

Setting the record straight on the grant next year, of roughly £1800 in order to afford to print the last issue.

It is only the fact that Vision won the National Student Media Awards that has prevented massive financial problems for them too.

The continuing debt problems, with both Vision and Nouse, only serve to reduce the credibility of the Union, not the societies.

I firmly believe that it is necessary to look at the issue of returning to the old system of York Student Press, financially one society but with two entirely separate editing teams, Vision and Nouse. Only then will they have the financial stability to prevent any further agreements being necesary.

Dan Jones, SU Treasurer

T

he next week is a vital one in the continued battle against the introduction of top-up fees in British universities.

On Wednesday we will be sending a delegation of more than 250 students from York and York St Johns to demonstrate to the government our opposition to student fees and student debt.

With recent media coverage highlighting an ever increasing opposition to top-up fees from those in all walks of life, this is definitely a battle we can win.

So if you haven’t got your ticket yet then make sure you come to the SU in Goodricke to pick one up.

John

(We welcome all contributions. Letters, which should not exceed 250 words, may be edited for clarity or space.)

I feel it is necessary to write and mention some of the glaring inaccuracies in Vision's article on Nouse's financial state and the actions of its chair.

In the last edition of Vision, it was claimed thatthe last editor, Andy Ploughman, was '...accused of slashing the numberof issues it produces by a third.' This was an effort to reduce costsand maintain a stable budget, as requested by the previous UnionTreasurer.

Vision also mentions that 'half the cash was to be paid back.The rest was written off.' This simply isn't true. The agreement betweenYUSU and Nouse at no time mentions money being written off, and indeedat no time mentions that it is a loan. Ironically, the agreement that has just been written up between YUSU and YorkVision is also an advancement

will be easier to discuss throughout the year and the Union will be unable to stagnate as has been seen in the recent past.

York grad Greg Dyke is my Great Briton

O

ne of the similarities between Parliament and the House of Commons is that a good way of having a little influence and of getting things done is to join a group or society. I am lucky enough to chair the All Party Parliamentary Group on the BBC, which has brought me into contact with one of York's most famous old boys - Greg Dyke, Director General of the Corporation.

Greg has his critics who like to characterise him as someone who is dumbing down the BBC. They claim the highlight of his previous career was bringing Roland Rat to breakfast television at about the same time as most of York's current undergraduates were barely in nursery school.

I must say I am a fan. I think Greg has helped bring public service broadcasting alive for a new generation. In a multi-channel world the BBC has to be distinctive, but also provide something for every licence fee payer. Its key job is to make sure that we do not go the way of the States where hundreds of channels play to the lowest common denominator with only the occasional gem like The West Wing.

Greg has been right to experiment with new "big event" types of programming such as "The Greatest Britain" which brought history alive for many who had previously been disinterested. "Rolf on Art" is not a substitute for in depth arts programmes, but it has attracted audiences of seven million people to contemplate the work of our greatest painters. For me, this is all in the BBC tradition of making the good popular and the popular good.

Moreover, I think Greg Dyke himself personifies the more meritrocratic and egalitarian age in which the new BBC now operates. If you are good enough, it no longer matters whether you speak the Queen's English perfectly or went to the right school. Equally, mass audiences can now be attracted to programmes of the highest quality.

Greg's big challenge is to persuade Parliament to renew the BBC's charter when it expires in 2006. Some commercial rivals and politicians want to limit the BBC's role to providing programmes of minority interest.

For me, watching the World Cup uninterrupted or listening to Radio 5 or Radio 1 (some years ago in my case!) with no breaks for adverts is a glorious thing. Surely the market does not have to dictate everything?

Finally, BBC Online is a public service par excellence and reveals a continuing ability to adapt and survive. Ask any overseas student at York about the reputation of the BBC in their home country. Nine times out of ten you will receive a positive answer. It should be a matter of pride at York University that Greg Dyke is currently the guardian of what, for me, represents the best of British.

John Grogan is the MP for Selby and the University

YORK VISION

VISIONARIES

KELLY NOBAY MEETS SIX FORMER VISION HACKS MAKING THEIR MARK ON THE MEDIA WORLD. Name: Vicky Kennedy. Vision editor 2000/ 2001 Current job: Reporter, Catchline News (news and features agency)

Name: Jonathan Isaby. Vision Deputy Editor, 1997.

Current job: Political analyst, BBC Millbank.

Name:Wesley Johnson. Vision editor 1999/2000 Current job title: News trainee, PA News

I get into work around 10am, read all the papers and then have a meeting with my editor to discuss any news or feature ideas we might have.

By 2pm my agency has sent the story to all the national news desks.

Alternatively I'll spend the day writing a feature.

I much prefer this because it means I get to talk to people in greater detail and can be a bit nosier with my questions.

I've just finished an article about male virgins for More! magazine and I'm working on a piece about dentists for the Mirror.

By 7pm I'm out of the office and off home. Since I've started this job everyone I've met has become a possible feature - you never really switch off.

My job is to ensure that BBC journalists are fully briefed.

My specialist areas are Northern Ireland and the fortunes of the Conservative Party.

I anticipate future events; for example, if we know that a Government Minister is due to make an announcement on health policy, we can write a briefing in advance.

A lot of the time I work with our political correspondents and producers for programmes like Newsnight and Today on Radio 4.

I generally work from the office, however I do get to leave the desk sometimes, to attend press conferences, or for that discreet chat with a source in one of the House of Commons’ bars...

At the moment, I'm sub-editing news pages for teletext. I’m responsible for three to four TV regions, and each one needs at least ten new stories every day.

First thing to do is to check all the files to see which stories are already on-air so I know whether a story is new or an update.

I then sub-edit copy into a style and length suitable for Teletext, PA's biggest customer.

When I lay-up these stories onto the news pages, I make sure all the headlines fit exactly on the index page and in the correct style. You need to be quick and accurate as teletext is updated constantly.

What's been the highlight of the job so far?

The highlight is always getting to see my work in print. I was recently commissioned a story which Piers Morgan (editor at the Mirror) personally asked for.

I also love it when readers write in and say they've enjoyed something I've written - if my words can stop and make someone think for a couple of minutes, then that makes it all worhwhile.

What's been the highlight of the job so far?

I have been doing the job since 1999, and the highlight for me so far has definitely been the 2001 General Election.

I did a huge amount of research work in the run-up and got a real buzz from being behind-thescenes in the TV studio on the night.

Name: Rajini Vaidyanathan. Vision Editor 1998/1999.

Current job: BBC News Trainee.

Name: Ryan Sabey. Deputy Vision Editor 1999/2000.

Current job: graduate trainee, News of the World.

At the moment I'm on reporting shifts, so I usually come in and see what they have to send me out on.

It might be a story about plates made in Derbyshire, or a shooting in Nottingham, or even a story about chewing gum, it's a very varied thing.

If I'm out and about then I'm filming for part of the day and then coming back scripting the piece and editing it with the picture editor. TV is a real team effort.

What's been the highlight of the job so far?

Going out and about and doing my first few television reports. I'm still a trainee tv reporter so I'm learning all the time.

Before I got on the BBC trainee scheme I had worked as a researcher and producer at BBC Choice news and at Radio 4 and 5 Live. My high point there was working on the US elections and being sent out to the Washington Bureau.

During the week I’m taking out contacts, pulling ideas together and nosing around for stories.

Friday and Saturday I’m writing them up, but if a big story happens late on a Friday, such as the Ulrika story or the Queen Mum dying, everything is shelved.

It can be quite disheartening when something you’ve been working on all week gets dropped at the last minute, but thats the nature of the business.

What's been the highlight of the job so far?

Working on Prince Harry's drink and drugs story. A lot of time and energy goes into finding stories but when you get an exclusive on Sunday, its all worth it!

I'm also looking forward to working on the New York Post for two months in February as part of our traineeship.

LAME ACADEMY VS FLOPSTARS Julia Rose Fans of reality television must have been rejoicing the prospect of an autumn term TV schedule of Model Behaviour, Popstars:the Rivals and FameAcademy.

Having been a sucker for these shows in the past, I tried to go cold turkey from Geri Halliwell's bitchput-downs, cat-fighting wannabe models and the cringe-making cheese fest of weekend showdowns.

Alas, I was unable to pull myself away from the tension and tears of Popstars:the Rivals, or even the excruciating embarrassment that is Fame Academy. Yet with ratings for Fame Academy sinking to 3.2 million lastweek, it looks like others have had enough. So where has Fame

Fame Academy’s Pippa and Katie Academy gone wrong?

Possibly by not showing us the audition process. This is the genius of Popstars because by the time they get down to the final contestants, we have a genuine affection, or loathing for the people involved.

The standards of Fame Academy are also considerably lower because contestants are supposed to dance, compose and play instruments, as well as plain old sing.

Where did Fame Academy find their contest-

What's been the highlight of the job so far? Great subbing practice...and it'll help me enormously in the long run in terms of knowing what makes a snappy intro, how to check facts quickly and how to produce the copy that is wanted.

Name: Louisa McLennan. Vision editor.1998.

Current job: Editor, Times Student Online A typical day for me begins with a quick flick through the newspapers, looking for student-relevant news we should be following up.

Once at work I'll select the articles and pictures I want to use from The Times and write headlines and intros for the online versions.

What's been the highlight of the job so far?

September 11 2001. I was on the news desk at the time, and had been plugging away at a story about rare birds of prey, when my boss ran into the room saying "Turn on the TV, there's a fire in the World Trade Center." There were only three of us on the desk that day and we hit overdrive immediately, trying to put out a true picture of what was going on.

We knew it was a big story, but the enormity didn't sink in until midnight, when I was walking home through Richmond, looking down at the lights of Canary Wharf Tower. I just remember feeling grateful that the building was still standing. ants? Under a rock judging by irritating Indieboy Ainslie.

However, lets face it, discovering an outstanding performer is not the reason we watch these shows.

It is the embarrassment, amusement, arguments and competition that keeps us hooked and above all the chance to see someone fail.

I am convinced it is embedded into the British psyche: we love seeing other people humiliate themselves - especially on National TV. Shania Twain's glazed expression as Pippa wailed her way through"You're still the one" was classic Fame Academy. "That don't impress me much" might have been more fitting.

The disgraceful cheese aspect involved in these shows must bean additional factor in their attraction.

The best review I've read of Fame Academy referred to Friday night's group medley as: "The Kids from Fame meet S Club Juniors crossed with The Muppet Show." Now if that doesn't convince you to watch it, nothing will!

MEDIA 11

The Student Press

N

ewcastle's The Courier leads with the news that former Neighbours actress turned pop star Holly Valance is dating Economics student Steve Aspinall. Also featured, outrage at changes to the University's structure which have, in some inexblicably round about way, led to a surplas of mugs in the memorabilia shop, forcing shop worker Maureen Mountain to sell them at the cut price of £3.95.

In the Oxford Student- the word 'Whore' was found daubed in fake blood on a college library. It is believed to be the work of eager thesbians, who have been defacing other colleges with ‘Elizabethan’ graffitti.

Meanwhile, the Steel Press reports that one of Sheffield's SU sabs was barred from Somerfield stores for 'shopping suspiciously.’

Bristol's The Epigram wonders whether Euan Blair, studying Ancient History at the University, will be wearing green at their ‘many traffic light parties’, whilst uni Professors reveal that world poverty might be eliminated if only Americans would stop feeding their pets.

In Cherwell, news that a bookshop has opened in Oxford selling only two books- both by its owner. A. Malcolm opened the shop as the last weapon in his feud with Oxford University Press, who refused t o publish h i s 200, 0 0 0 word tome back in 1985.

With walls covered in anti- university posters, the shop is apparently intended to be a 'gallery of shame' for Oxford uni.

Leicester Ripple devotes plenty of column inches to the annual student Scavenger Hunt, where one male student, eager to win the prize of a television for his residential block, danced semi-naked on the bar table, 'covered in pieces of pornographic magazines, tomato ketchup and tampons.'

Elsewhwere, Oxford uni has enlisted the help of the director of UK Flirting Academy in a bid to prevent 'college inbreeding', admits the Oxford Student.

Exeter Exepose leads with the horrifying story of student Hassan Rizvi, whose year abroad 'became a nightmare' when he was incarcerated and tortured in Egypt for four months. Held on suspicion of belonging to a banned militant group, Rizvi was apparently denied food and water, beaten and threatened with torture, and forced to listen to the screams of other prisoners and the sounds of 'electric prods.'

On a slightly more light hearted note, the Strathclyde Telegraph looks forward to the annual campus "Wellbeing Fayre", where students will receive manicures and ‘cooking demonstrations.’

(Isobel Todd)

12 COMMENT

YORK VISION

FRESHERS YORK VISION ners

un trant for Campus St en t rs fi by “ ed lm he dges “underw

Ju

Shame academy

T

here are some things we’re good at in York, and some we’re not. We’ve got one of the best student papers in the country, but we’ve also got one of the worst.

We’re soaring in the league tables, but – and this is a big but – we’re a pretty unattractive lot.

Do the words hedge, backwards and dragged mean anything to you? Had an accident on the buses?

That’s right, we’re not the pick of the bunch.

Or are we?

Some of the University’s administrators do quite well for their age. And a few academics were clearly all right in their day, although there’s usually a reason why you’ve got your head buried in a book all week.

But some of the third years are looking distinctly long in the tooth. After you’ve hit twenty, the men start going soft in the gut, while the women…well we won’t even talk about them.

There’s an old saying about being hit by an ugly stick.

Could this be the one sport York’s good at?

But not everyone round here looks like an exchange student from Royston Vasey.

What about you freshers? Your bodies haven’t been ruined by endless slop from Campus Fayre. The chocolate factory fumes haven’t addled your mind.

The spray off the lake hasn’t turned your skin that funny colour.

And you’re all used to making an effort when you go out on the tiles back home. Plus, you won’t have got round to buying one of those shapeless York University hoodies or revolting fleeces.

At other seats of learning, we’re known – fairly or otherwise – as the University of Dork.

It’s time to fight back.

In an effort to show the country that we’re not the mingers they’ve got us down as, York Vision is launching a showcase for campus talent.

A beauty contest for the twenty-first century.

We don’t want to boost already-inflated egos so there’ll be no self nominations.

But if you know someone who gets more than their fair share of second glances, send us their photo.

Every issue, the best boys and girls we get sent will win massive prizes.

And at the end of the year, we’ll compile an unmissable guide to York’s fittest students.

So come on, let’s prove to the country that York students are the beautiful people.

There’s more at stake here than a few pretty pictures.

Come and play with the best

W

hen we heard about just how many national student media awards we’d been shortlisted for, there was only one reaction.

Where were the rest of them?

Where was John Hyde, our brilliant sports reporter?

Where were Neil Brown’s’ dramatic photos? What happened to James Kelly’s blistering reviews, or Sharif Hamadeh’s expert political punditry?

Still, we suppose they have to share these things round. And we did get more than any other paper in any other university.

And this list included the Holy Grail of student press awards—best newspaper. This shows we’re playing with the big boys, kicking well-worn titles off the podium.

The London Student, Manchester Student Direct, Cambridge’s Varsity and Oxford’s Cherwell must still be wondering what hit them.

These papers may have the cash, the plush offices and the glossy supplements, but the talent’s all here in York.

Congratulations to Gareth Walker, Isobel Todd, our web team and everyone involved with the paper over the last year.

Now it’s your turn.

Come and find us at the Freshers’ Fair. Have a chat with our section editors. Next week you could be interviewing one of your heroes, bagging the CD you were going to buy anyway, or just pissing around in the office.

And if anyone else tries to get you to join their newspaper, just ask to have a look at it first.

You’ll find it’s a cheap alternative to sleeping pills.

We welcome all contributions, from students and staff, about issues featured in Vision or those that you feel should be brought to students’ attention. Letters, which should not exceed 250 words, may be edited for clarity or space.

LETTERS@VISION.YORK.AC.UK

Letters VISION LETTERS, GRIMSTON HOUSE

Let Freshers get what they pay for Following the departure of the good ship Her Majesty's Socialist Ffion Evans [former SU President] to the golden waters of the city, in search of lucre, the comparative political pygmies of the current Campaigns Officers cling desperately to the rotten plank of the anti-differential rents policy.

They are battling alone against the tide of current student opinion.

The Students Union should not be wasting its time fighting to bring back equal rents [which were phased-out one year ago], a policy so utterly counter to any notions of value for money or consumer choice.

Differential rents are fair rents. Heinz baked beans are a different price from Sainsbury's economy for the same very good reason that those in Alcuin pay more for accommodation than Goodricke C block: there is a vast difference in quality

and so this ought to be fairly reflected in the price.

The idea that Alcuin and Goodricke be charged at the same flat rate is not only ludicrous and authoritarian but more to the point unfair and would be to do a great financial injustice to hundreds every year.

Katie, Maya and Meg may well be able to set aside such monetary concerns in pursuit of those same damaging ideological dreams that have fuelled decades of York Uni left-wing hacks such as the dearly missed Ffion but I would be confident that for many more students the pound in their pocket will be put before utopian fantasies.

York Uni campus will never be a bubble operating outside the sphere of everyday economic and political realities.

Students are no different from Joe Bloggs in knowing when they are being ripped off and are no different at being

Golden I was thoroughly shocked when I opened last week's copy of York Vision and was greeted with a picture of a young blonde girl draped in a towel.

This is the sort of material that I would expect to find in a trashy tabloid such as the Daily Star or the Sun, not in a supposedly reputable student newspaper.

I was deeply disturbed to see an attractive girl posing so provocatively, and fail to see what this picture added to the article.

I would be grateful if you could make my views known to your readers as I am sure that there will be a number of others who were similarly shocked by such pornographic material.

I hope you will think twice in future and refrain from publishing such material.

Trilby Gilmour

enraged when they feel they have been taken for a ride.

Sorry girls, but all the prettiest designed collegeopoly boards [previous Union campaign] in the world aren't going to change basic human nature.

If the Union does not wish to appear like the flat earth society, calling out for the continuance of a daft standpoint to the unlistening darkness, then this potty policy must be repealed.

Until that repeal is achieved the Union conspicuously fails in its constitutionally stated number one priority; defending the interests of students.

I hope I have in someway demonstrated why if you believe in the individual and the individual's inherent right to choose for themselves then please come along to the first UGM of term to vote to overturn this loony policy.

Richard Price

Leave the women alone, Rory

STUNNER: Jen poses for Vision’s photographer

I was most amused to be forwarded a Labour Students briefing on "involving women in politics" urging all Labour members – and in particular chairmen - to defend the position of Women's Officer at all costs.

This could not be of greater contrast to the attitude of York Labour Students Chairman Rory Palmer.

Rory's constant backbiting at our YUSU Womens' Officers (who include a Labour Party member!) looks pathetic and childish set against the excellent work that Becky, Kate and Mel have already done in the short time since they were elected.

Is it any wonder that an increasing number of prominent Labour Party members on campus avoid the Labour Club like the plague?

Iain Lindley

Royal rumble

We feel that it was necessary to write in reponse to John Maunder's article, ‘Stuff the Jubilee’ (18/06/02) last term.

There is no doubt that we need a debate about the future of the monarchy, given both the views of students on campus and the recent Golden Jubilee events.

However, to have this debate do we need to descend into personally insulting language and false accusations?

Firstly, John Maunder's use of "Dear old Princess Margaret" and his presentation of the Queen Mother are both tasteless and disrespectful.Let If his arguments are so valid, why does he feel the need to pick on the deceased?

Secondly, John Maunder's baseless comments confusedly tying together the issue of tuition fees and the personal wealth of Princes William and Harry is simply offensive.

To bring in money that they were left partly because of their mothers death can only be described as hurtful.

Thirdly, John Maunder refers to the monarchy as "filthy rich parasites."

This is yet again incorrect. Members of the Royal Family DO give something to our country.

For example, look at the Queen's fifty years of service, or the Princess Royal's numerous charitable engagements.

Why can't we just be proud of all the different aspects that make up our country?

Keith Aspden and Natalie Oscroft, University of York Liberal Democrats

FRESHERS YORK VISION

A Hasty Retreat

Tom CONNOR

Stand up and be counted T I

really don't know how to start this column. I could go for the typically cheesy welcome/welcome back to York approach. I could have a rant at University admin. I could even admit that I haven't got a clue what to write.

However, whatever I say doesn't really matter; what is important is that this is a very exciting year for the Students' Union.

It's the week before term starts, and I'm writing this column in front of the TV, completely hooked by "Pop Stars: The Rivals" (especially by the efforts of the pregnant one who, with any luck, will drop any second).

I suppose that just like the judges who have no idea what to expect from the next contestant, I have no idea what to expect from the next year.

We have come into office with YUSU in its strongest position for many years.

Student involvement within the Union is on the up, UGM atten-

I

MUSA on.

And of course his Liv Tyler look-alike bird is on his arm.

This time you can't hide in the ghost walk posse.

You quickly try to look breezy, instead managing to choke on your Rocky Bar and dribble on your coat. And this perfect new girl (who of course knows how) saves your life.

The best walk along Retreat Lane has to be one alone.

It can sometimes feel like being in an edited scene of Eerie Indiana's opening credits.

But instead of those zombified basketball players, there's brown and white cloned horses. It's still unsettling, but in more of a scary-but-safe 80's Nickelodeon kind of way.

rowing up in my home town, I've always had a special fondness for 80's American kids TV. It offered a world to which I dreamed to belong.

The thing about those 80's after-school teasers, like Eerie Indiana and Are You Afraid of the Dark, was that no matter how frightening it got, everything was resolved logically in the end.

And I think the same thing happens when you do Retreat Lane alone. Back in your room you realise the graffiti that reads 'Ah Good the Sea' couldn't really have been a message from your evil ghost twin.

G

dances are at the highest levels for many years and March's elections saw a record turnout.

Coupled with this, our position as far as University issues are concerned is better than ever.

Last year's occupation of Heslington Hall means that central admin will never again be able to simply sweep our beliefs and demands under the carpet. We proved that students really do care and can make a difference.

However, we need to keep looking forwards not backwards. Undoubtedly though, the lesson to be learned is that we have to keep believing in ourselves and believing in our campaigns.

Heslington Hall showed what could be achieved when enough students' work together, and who knows, this could finally be the year that we get the bar and venue we so desperately crave.

T

Sarah

And seeing the Latin graffiti on the wall doesn't necessarily mean that what happened to the woman in Stigmata will soon happen to you.

Another reason I loved 80's TV was that everything lived the dream where you could become whoever you wanted to be.

When Gary and Wyatt in Weird Science wanted a perfect woman, they created Lisa.

When Tom Hanks in Big said, 'I wish I were big', Zoltar said, 'your wish has been granted'.

Johnny 5 got to be human, the fogies in Cocoon got to be young again and we all know what happened in The Boy Who Could Fly. If only Retreat Lane came from this world. I'd see the Liv Tyler look-alike trying to fish her engagement ring out of the grate, do a 'loser' cough and kick her keys in too.

I'd carry a few spray cans, change 'Ah Good the Sea' to the infinitely more fitting 'ah crap the ex'.

And as for the fop who thought Latin graffiti was cool . . . he'd get an electric handshake. And an atomic wedgie.

Retreat Lane is still the place I've come to fear the most. Maybe you don't understand.

But if you see me at the end of the path punching the air in delight, you'll know why.

And if we happen to see each other half way along, do me a favour, let's just pretend

COMMENT 13 The importance of this year is intensified by the arrival of a new vice-chancellor, Professor Brian Cantor.

With a new vice chancellor come new opportunities for the Union.

We will ensure that Brian knows exactly what the students of York want during the critical period of the first few weeks in his new job, and we will fight hard to make these ideals a reality.

’ve spent summer where the biggest event at sports day was the mother's fist-fight, and the latest buzz is to get married for the free rice.

Royston Vasey becomes some sophisticated bohemian Boston suburb compared to my home town.

I'm usually feeling all Harry Potter, wanting to get back to school.

Not this time.

And it's not dreading a Youknow-who that's holding me back, more of a You-knowwhat.

In my few years at York I've heard enough scare stories about Retreat Lane.

Those walls have witnessed some of the biggest break-ups, fall-outs and revelations of university history.

Whoever called it Retreat Lane must've been going through that Seattle grunge, black nail varnish, let's be ironic about everything phase.

See, it's a actually a brilliantly disguised trap. You walk on to it and you’re stuck for the next few minutes.

And no matter how bad things get you have to ride it through.

A friend of mine was once coming back to campus with the girls, comparing tans in 'Girls in Greece just wanna…'

T'shirts. On comes the tutor who's last few seminars she'd missed on the excuse of 'a family situation'.

Didn't anyone tell her?

Retreat Lane is the only place aside from nightmares where you're guaranteed to see the ones you're avoiding, at the one time when you can't escape them.

It’s the day after Ziggy's.

You look like a menopausal Grotbags, and there he is — one of the only people who’s seen you naked with the lights

he class of 2002 at York University is one of the most socially mixed of any about to embark on their degree studies, anywhere in Britain.

This is a remarkable achievement for a University which for some years has held a place amongst the top ten in the country, as measured by the quality of its courses and attainment levels.

Eighty per cent of the freshers of 2002 at York come from state schools. The ratio is so high that York actually misses out on some extra Government funding designed to encourage universities to broaden their intake.

Despite all this, social class remains a powerful factor at York, as elsewhere, in determining whether or not you are likely to study for a degree.

Eighty per cent of the sons and daughters of professional families go on to study for a degree.

Only fifteen per cent of the children of manual and unskilled workers do so. Too many bright working class youngsters effectively drop out of education at sixteen and so have no chance of going to University. About one third of the country is now covered by the system of Educational Maintenance Allowances, whereby young people from lowincome families get around £30 a week if they stay on at school.

Participation rates in the eligible areas have

his November the Higher Education Select Committee is likely to report back to Government in support of higher tuition fees and the introduction of "top-up" fees.

This has dire consequences for students, already facing the prospect of leaving university thousands of pounds in debt. As a Union we will oppose any such moves and will be supporting the NUS Demo Against Student Hardship on December 4th.

Look out for signs during Freshers Fortnight outlining how you can get involved.

Finally, I hope that you enjoy Freshers Week. I have always said that one of York's strengths is the diversity and number of clubs and societies available on campus.

This year will be no different and I would advise anybody who can to come along to Freshers Fair on Saturday to see for themselves what is on offer.

Remember, the Union is powerless without your input . . . See you at the UGM in Goodricke Week 3!

John

GROGAN Class is still an issue at the University

increased by seven per cent and the scheme is going to be rolled out nationally by 2004.

At the Labour Party Conference in Blackpool, several of my colleagues and I met Higher Education Minister Margaret Hodge and urged her to extend the scheme into the university years.

I know from my constituency work that the barriers to working class participation in education are sometimes cultural as well as financial.

One eighteen year old from a tough estate in Selby came to my surgery complaining that he had been unable to open a student bank account because he had never had a passport or driving licence which were apparently the only two acceptable forms of identity.

It took a call to the Bank's regional office to sort the matter out.

In York the University has formed the York Progression Partnership with all the

local colleges.

The sole aim is to "widen participation and access into Higher Education (HE) by developing a credit based framework for North Yorkshire which identifies seamless progression routes into HE".

Okay, so there is an element of jargon, but the real success of the scheme is shown in the testimony of some of the graduates of the scheme.

Andrea Stevenson commented: "Without the crèche, free childcare and the nearby location of the course I would not have been able to attend the classes.

The Access in the Community Course has given me the chance to change my life, I am already beginning to fulfil my dreams by entering Higher Education this September" With more success stories like this, attracting fifty per cent of the population into Higher Education is a target that

14 COMMENT

18/06/02 YORK VISION

ystv

Join the Front! email jamesrevfront@hotmail.com

Protestars: The 7.00

Rivals

Organ of the Central Committee of the JRF

BUSH TO TAKE ACTION AGAINST WORLD’S WORST LEADERS ‘OH SHIT’, SAYS YUSU

Panic has spread throughout York University Students’ Union following US President George W Bush's pledge to take military action against the world’s worst regimes.

Members of the Executive Committee are understood to be hauled up inside the basement of the Student Centre, and are refusing to come out until the crisis is over.

Bush's intentions where revealed to Union officials last Thursday.

Parts of the President’s speech of Sept 26th were discovered whilst constructing a papier-mâché mongoose for use in the ongoing 24-hour portering campaign.

"I was just about to put on the undercoat when I read this on the right cheek" said a tearful executive officer shortly before

his suicide. All the building’s doors and windows were nailed up shortly after.

YUSU whistleblowers have claimed this day waslong-expected, given the regime’s extensive history of abuses.

"Maybe we should have picked up the pace with the bar and venue campaign" said an unnamed source. "We wouldn't have left it thirty years if we knew it would come to this."

However, the official tone from within the besieged building has been defiant. "It is obvious that the international community could never allow a militant organisation such as ours to survive," said a YUSU spokesperson. "But survive it must if collectivism and solidarity are to see another dawn!"

The organisation is

Photo News

Some of Thom's most intimate thoughts on pressing campus issues. We caught up with Conman and ‘PA’ Oily Palmer in our offices thirty feet under Grimstone House.

On Summer It’s been a long while since we chatted, Thom. The President Elect is now President.

Handover can be harsh, so how've you settled in?

WOMEN’S OFFICER'S NEW PUBLICITY FAILS TO STRIKE CORD WITH FEMALE STUDENTS

CROSS SECTION OF A BOMB DISPLAYED FOR NO GOOD REASON

TC: It's been great. I wrote a report about it in my exercise book. It was three pages long. In joined up and everything! Oily gave me a smiley face AND a gold star for it.

On Pornography Pornography has long been a sore topic on campus. As a JCRC chair who used 'provocative'

GETTING TOUGH: Bush clamps down on evil regimes claiming events in recent years, such as a highly provocative rearranging of the desks, and several pickets outside central hall, often involving tens of

bitesize CONMAN images to advertise events, do you intend to give a free rain to more suggestive posters.

TC: If you don't like bare ladies you must be a gaylord.

On Freshers’ Week Freshers’ week events have long been criticised for being a tired re hash of previous years' line ups. What's being done to insure this year’s Freshers don't get the same hackneyed entertainment.

TC: Oily tells me it won't be anything like last year.

OP: The dates on the posters

Want to alleviate some of that troublesome middle class guilt?

Don't want to join YSCA in case the little scallys run off with your 8210?

Then Join RAG All the CV kudos, and no potential for child abuse allegations!

NEW VICE CHANCELLOR BRIAN CANT ‘WON’T MISS PLAYAWAY’

students, are the rationale for this imminent death sentence.

Official messages coming out from the locked compound state a refusal

Interested?

You've got to be Krazee with a capital K, be up for anything and desperately lacking your own friends.

Join us at Freshers Fair Don't forget to leave your sense of humour at the door.

are different for starters.

On Accountability From writing your policies and chairing several meetings, to lovingly applying oil to your creaking joints, Oily has effectively become the most influential ' officer' of the students union.

Does it concern you that no one elected him?.

TC: Well Oily has asked around and has told me that no one’s reallybothered.

Cloth-capped idiots take on smug Guardian readers to see who really will rock Hyde Park. Tonight, the farmers blow their subsidy on a solid gold tractor, and the pacifists are left wishing they had more than a frappachino in their arsenal.

8:00 2 UP 1 DOWN to let go of what has been described as a "formidable arsenal" of weapons, thought to include a stockpile of strongly worded leaflets on differential rents, and seven placards left over from an NUS march in 1999.

"We won't give them up without a fight" stressed belligerent SU President Conman, who is thought to be working on a whole new generation of powerful stickers that could be deployed to UGMs in a matter of months.

Conman has also suggested that if military action is taken, he is prepared to unleash the most devastating weapon available in the SU armoury. "If pushed we may have to occupy Hes Hall again" he said.

"And we may not even tell them in advance this time." food.

On Big Decisions Thom, you face a lot of big decisions in the coming year. Are you ready to tackle the challenges to come?

TC: Yeah. When Oily went home for a bit I thought I might rearrange the biros. It's often a bit hard to make the right choice but I remember what the Blue Fairy told me: Always let your conscience be your guide.

OP: Next time you can just wait till he gets back to York.

Thom was promptly returned to his carrying case

Cheap and unnecessary hardcore tenuously based on Vin Diesel's XXX, but with a whole extra X in the bargain!

Filmed entirely in a ten by twelve breeze blocked Goodricke bedroom, it puts the eXtreme back into remaining in a locked bedchamber! With a goat.

Probably. Staring 'Anonymous tattooed porter' as Vin Diesel.

9:00 MY WORST WEEK Media documentary. With months passed since he finished his job, this programme catches up with Don Juan (still living in York) to reminice over the week Vision hounded him about the Grad Ball, and he stuck his head up his arse and cried like a girl. Will time have given Don some perspective over his experiences, or will he still be boring anyone who’ll listen shitless?

News in Brief FRESHERS Unattractive third year

“definately going to pull this Freshers’ Week.”

UNION Plans to create

Omnisexual Officer shelved following departure of Services Officer Don Juan.

NIGHTLIFE Ex. tearfully phoned after campus event.

OP: My survey also suggests students are opposed to street lighting and the refrigeration of

There are some funny people at the University of York.

FUNNY-PECULIAR AND FUNNY-HA-HA. Are you one of the above?

The James Revolutionary Front needs writers and photo-manipulators.

Email jamesrevfront@hotmail.com

16 FEATURES

FRESHERS YORK VISION

EVERYBODY’S FREE . . . (TO DRINK ALCOHOL) The lyrics from the popular Baz Luhrmann song of 1997, ‘Everybody’s free (to wear sunscreen)’, were taken from Mary Schmich’s column in The Chicago Tribune.

Here, exclusively, Vision produces its own advice for the more discerning

L

adies and Gentlemen of the class of 2002. Drink alcohol. If I could offer you one tip for the future, this would be it. The long-term benefits of alcohol have been proved by students, whereas the rest of our advice has no basis more reliable than our own meandering experience.

We will dispense this advice now . . .

Enjoy the power and beauty of a good drink. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of a good drink, until you’re hammered. But trust us, in 20 years, you’ll look back at photos of yourself and realise in a way you can’t grasp now how many hangovers lay before you and how hideous you looked. You were as drunk as you imagine.

Don’t be reckless with other people’s drinks. Don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Be careful which drink imitations you buy, but be patient with those who supply them. Drink imitations are a form of crime. Dispensing them is a way of taking the worst ingredients from a drink, mixing them together, putting them into a new bottle and selling it for more than it's worth.

Get to know your parents. You never know when you'll have to tap them for some cash.

Feel sorry for people who don't drink.

When they get up in the morning, that's as good as they get to feel all day. Milk hangovers for all they're worth; time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.

Know that you've had too much when you can't lie on the floor without holding on. Beauty lies in the hands of

Don’t waste your time on catch-up. Sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind, the night is long, and in the end, you’ll only fall over.

Dribble.

Remember the good wines.

Forget the bad. If you succeed in telling the difference when drunk, tell us how.

Watch ‘Bargain Hunt’.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 18 what they wanted to do with their lives. Most graduates I know still don't.

Get plenty of alcohol. Be kind to your sense of balance. You'll miss it when it’s gone.

Fart. Even if you have no where to do it but at the back of your seminars.

Maybe you'll remember last night, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll vomit, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll fall over in the street, maybe you'll be arrested. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either; everyone else was just as plastered.

Spend.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can on a sweaty dancefloor. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

In more ways than one.

Do not drink absinthe. It will only make you sick.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a loan. Maybe you'll have an overdraft. But you never know when either one might run out.

Steal traffic bollards.

HAMMERED: A drink too far the beer-holder, so beware the beer goggles.

Sleep.

Be nice to your barman. They're you're best link to the beer and the person most likely to stop you getting your head kicked in by a bouncer when paralytic in the future.

Live in Alcuin once, but leave before it makes you a ponce. Live in Tang Hall once, but leave before everything you own gets stolen.

Accept certain inalienable truths; beer prices will rise, bouncers will throw you out, and you too will get a hangover. And when you do, you'll fantasise that when you were young, prices were reasonable, bouncers couldn't catch you and hangovers were never as bad as this.

Learn that 2pm is still morning. 1am is still early. 9.15 is just sick and wrong.

Under no circumstance are you to take advice from third years with alcohol problems and overdrafts more substantial than their prospects of graduation.

But trust me on the alcohol.

ggggggggggggggggggggggggggbbbbbbFffffg-

18 YORK VISION FEATURES

CAMPUS MYTHS

York University’s of on ti ta pu re e th t os In a bid to bo ational competition ns se a es ch un la on si Vi talent,

STUDENT STUN-

e h t t u o b a n e t t i wr p a r c f o t o l a s e w There' , n o i s i V t a e her o S . k r o Y f o y t . o g Universi e n o n i l l a you o t t i e v i g d ' e thought w nd a l a e r e h t o t e uid g h g u o r a s i e r He Rumour has it that legendary guitarist Jimmi Hendrix once played a gig to a sell-out crowd in Langwith dining room.

Vision wasn't around in those days to report on it, but he does get a small mention in the Nouse archive.

They worry about the effects of psychedelic music on vulnerable students, and gripe that the event wasn't organised through the proper Union channels.

There isn't even a review

Have you noticed yet the naff concrete clock tower that stands over by the biology department and never tells the right time?

It was built on money donated by a rich former graduate, after the University

of the man who must be the most famous visitor to cam-

allegedly decided against using the cash to construct a swimming pool for students.

Jocks take note while making the lonely journey down Heslington Road to the Barbican. It could all have been so different.

York' s infam ous unde rwate r predator, the mons ter catfi sh was first snap ped by unwi tting photo graphers more than a year ago.

The haunted house on the hill. To some it’s an animal testing laboratory.

To others, it’s a listening post for America's echelon network.

Another theory doing the rounds is

Since then, Vision has repor ted on the beast 's lonely New Year party, its probl em with impot ence, and how it found love in the spring -

that it was built during the Second World War and designed to look like York Minster, distracting German bombers from the city’s prized cathedral.

Whatever the truth, it's clearly no normal university operation.

2 0 0 2 - 2 0 0 3

W

e may be soaring in the league tables, but when it comes to looks, rumour has it York students are way down there with Janet Street Porter, Andrew Lloyd Webber and the cast of Freaks.

There's a reason, after all, why you bury your head in a book all day.

Remember that old saying about being hit by an ugly stick? Could this be the one sport York's good at?

Or should the academic world be bowled over by our beauty?

This issue Vision launches campus Stunners, the university's first ever beauty competition.

We hope to prove to the world that york students don't all look like Christine Hammilton- and you can help us do it by sending us photos of your fit friends.

Each issue we will select the best bird and bloke from the photos entered, and the winners will receive fantastic prizes.

So if you've met a fit fresher, or know one of the few second or third years whose skin hasn't been mankified by extended exposure to the

time. The catfis h is capab le of eatin g small mamm als, includ ing childr en, so steer clear of the lake when it hunts for prey at dusk.

Every summer, during a lull in the conference trade and while students are away on their hols, the University organises a duckhunt to keep the campus waterfowl population in check.

One year, a would-be Elmer Fudd came a cropper when he was shot at by a fellow sniper.

Legend has it that his duck imitations can still be heard around the quieter corners of the lake.

19 YORK VISION FEATURES

chocolate factory fumes, why not enter them?

There'll be no compulsory ball wear/swimming costume/ butt naked rounds- but we would advise that anyone pictured wearing an AU fleece may be seriously hindering their chances.

As a tantalising taster, we here proudly present the best Vision has to offer.

At the end of the year we'll compile an essential guide to York's fittest students. So make sure your friend's in there.

Do you know a chemistry students who isn't a geek, a drama student who doesn't go in for bedroom boho, a member of the campus conservatives who doesn't possess Maggie Thatcher's facial hair, or a James college resident who doesn't resemble an inhabitant of Royston Vasey?

Send us a pic and give us all a vision of beauty.

Free take-away discount card

PHWOAR: Our Deputy Music Editor Robin Howells was the best we could manage – do you know anyone fitter?

Pull out and keep for great food at quality prices

20 FEATURES

FRESHERS YORK VISION

Charlotte Mackay thought York lacked the necessary va va voom of a university city, but then she got to grips with its thriving alternative culture

AND THE BEAT GOES ON . .

D

enial is not a river in Egypt, honey. If you came to York for the pumpin' bass, all night action and cutting edge, think again. York is so laid back, it's almost horizontal.

Like a caned student at the back of a seminar, it occasionally wakes from a vague confusion about its own identity to produce a much awaited gem which must be seized immediately before rigour mortis sets in.

Should these gems appear; they are worth treasuring.

York is not one for self promotion. It's entertainment is so understated it is possible to mistake it for a hiccup in the midst of sobriety; a case in point of grey being the new black.

It is often to be found hiding in the smoky back room of a pub, or secreted in a basement. York does alternative chic with all the finesse of a seasoned pro.

So, if you're prepared to look beyond the cheap drink imitations and hen parties, you may one day find the holy grail of nights out, York's underground pulse; faint, but nevertheless, vital, in a city famed only for possessing the largest gothic cathedral in Europe.

You can't help leaving with a warm glow in the pit of your stomach; whether from the cosy ambiance, or the excellent Budval they serve, is your choice.

Jazz Lounge at the Gallery Jazz? In a nightclub? Run by Goodricke College, the Gallery's VIP Champagne Lounge plays host to mellifluous jazz and champagne, fortnightly on Mondays.

And when it all gets that little bit too much, go and relive your teenage years in the basement at one of the best Indie nights around. A floor for dance and chart music caters adequately for those with no discernable taste.

The Candidates

HiFi Club, Leeds

You can take the kids out the city, but you can't take the city out the kids. Get back to dance floor basics at arguably one of the best clubs in the north.

Hop on the train to Leeds for 20 minutes and get your groove on with some of the best turntable talent this side of the Midlands. With nights full of deep house, funky grooves, beats and acid jazz, you can't go wrong. Like a fresher to a drinks promotion, even the most rhythmically challenged will find it hard to resist the lure of the beat.

Victor Js off Parliament Street

Bump City, City Screen Basement

Chilled enough for even the laziest student, this small bar is the epitome of student chic.

With its Parisian café atmosphere, you half expect to see Sartre appearing from the hazy gloom.

Excellent food, service, décor, and frequent live music nights.

A night that bills funk as 'an airborne contagion that makes your dance partner all ugly in the face while she gets her groove on' is a must-see.

Each month sees this small basement, one of York's finest venues, playing host to funk talent so hot the turntables smoke.

Interspersed with sets from live funk bands, it guarantees that you too will get the funk bug and look hideous by the end of the night.

Jazz at the Black Swan Random is not the word for Wednesday night jazz at this dimly lit local pub.

Held above the pub in a tiny panelled 17th century room, some of the city's most talented jazz musicians jam by candlelight. You'd pay exorbitant prices for this quality of entertainment elsewhere. Miss it, miss out.

Comedy nights on campus Lack of a central bar and venue has long meant that campus events at York have been largely limited to the cider and black fuelled mayhem of run-of-themill cheese fests.

YUSU make a notable exception with their termly comedy events featuring top comedians from the British comedy circuit.

The most under-represented initiative at York for years. Great nights, once you've got over the stigma of campus.

Alternative nights at Ziggy's Alternative nights at Ziggy's on a Tuesday are for all those who have ever moshed, harboured a burning ambition to be able to play in a punk rock band, or had an inappropriate piercing. Full of friendly faces, it is impossible not to go

Win a life-size Ali G

B

OYAKASHA! Vision has a life-size cardboard cut-out of Ali G to give away.

We’ve also got three DVDs of Ali G Indahouse, the blockbuster film that doesn’t hit the shops till October 14.

Watch Ali rise from the ghettos to the Houses of Parliament on a one man mission to save his local leisure centre from being closed down.

To win,the cut-out out DVD, just answer this question: Which university did Sacha Baron Cohen go to?

And if that wasn’t enough, you can join the wacky world of Banzai – the smash hit gambling sensa-

tion show. It’s been released for the first time ever on a ground breaking interactive DVD, with never before seen footage that was too hot for TV. Vision has three copies up for grabs.

To claim your copy, try this teaser: Name the former CBBC presenter who wrestled with a washing machine in Banzai Series One. Email your answers to. . . competitions @vision.york.ac.uk

LIVING IT: Above, student punters at Victor J’s, while jazz plays on at the Gallery, right

to Ziggy's without having a good time. Passing out at the end of the night is obligatory.

Prognosis at Toffs Like modern day superheroes without the lycra, York graduates 'Prognosis' single-handedly prop up the last bastions of cool at York.

On Sundays they rail against cheesy pop with their weekly club night at Toffs. Progressive trance and dance guaranteed to bring the house down. The weekend ends here.

Fibbers The epitome of the student band

venue; undersized, smoky, cheap and full of inebriated students sporting obscure band t-shirts.

Fibbers features weekly live music gigs encompassing every genre of music. The rule with Fibbers – anything goes.

And if you look hard enough amongst the Radiohead wannabes and hairy townies, there are surprising amounts of talent. Yours for the taking

22 LIFESTYLE

FRESHERS YORK VISION

Leisa Barnett on what’s in for the new season, and how to avoid the great folklore swindle

Gypsy Curse ‘W

hat do you call a leggy mare in a Chloe dress and Manolo Blahniks, carrying a Hermes bag?’

‘A clothes horse!’

It’s a crap joke, I know.

But worryingly, it’s exactly what the designer autumn/ winter collections have turned out to be.

After the success of gypsy this spring/summer, the world has waited with bated breath to see what delights will spoil us as the nights draw in.

We are only to be disappointed, it seems, by the people at the top getting too big

‘Everything romantic’ seemed to be a trend with something for everyone. tional purchases. Hands up all those who bought a white gypsy skirt months ago and haven’t been able to wear it because it goes see-through in the rain? Fashion is a fickle thing.

Gypsy, ruffles and everything romantic seemed to be a trend that finally offered something for everyone to get their teeth into.

Then the sun shone for five days in total.

It’s all about being flexible, knowing what’s out there and sticking to what you know

suits you. You’ll probably be snuggled up in a big coat most of the time anyway.

Luckily, there’s a style to suit everyone, from short jackets to muffly duffles. Denim will continue to dominate many looks, so keep it simple with your favourite jeans.

I suppose the ‘throwntogether’ look can be striking, if you get it right.

Sarah Jessica Parker can look incredible in velour shorts and a silk blouse, but even she sometimes gets it wrong. Just know where to respectably

draw the line.

Dictatorial fashion trends such as the gypsy defeat the creative object of fashion. Mix and match.

Experiment.

No-one likes to be a sheep.

Which reminds me, have you heard the one about . . .

Then the sun shone for five days in total for their Prada skyscraper boots and expecting us to fall for bizarre get-ups last seen in the days of Bjork.

Combats with heels? Jeans tucked into boots? Oh please.

Knickerbockers, culottes, all-in-ones, and capes are just a few items MOVING ON: touted by a the Gypsy look r e s p e c t e d glossy as

‘The New New’.

The feminine emphasis on fluidity and intricate detail that dominated the stores not too long ago is replaced by a no-holds-barred and somewhat ironic ‘anything goes’ mantra.

Just because the mornings will be darker, we don’t need to look like we’ve dressed before putting the lights on.

So what’s a girl to do? As ever, focus on certain details rather than going top-to-toe Vogue.

This is particularly important for us students.

Structured tailoring and higher-than-high stiletto boots don’t mix well with the mudbath that is campus at this time of year.

There are certainly some key looks around that are fresh and wearable – check out fringing, chunky knitwear, straight-leg trousers and anything plum-coloured or metallic to bring your style bang up-to-date.

Everyone’s favourite, black, is doing the rounds again as the ultra-chic colour of the moment.

This time, give it a gothic edge by draping and layering, especially around sleeves, and finish with a crucifix and some dramatic make-up.

Think Audrey Hepburn, rather than Marilyn Manson, and you can't go far wrong.

At least you’ll get some wear out of your new, func-

Too Much Like Hard Work?

L

Yet in a field where height is of paramount importance, Kava is very much an exception to the rule. “The absolute minimum is 5’7” for girls and six feet for guys,” states Lindsey . “Anyone below that has to be stunning in order to compete with the taller girls.”

(The likes of Kate Moss and Devon Aoki have shown that shorter models can succeed.)

Generally new girls over twenty-one are not taken on, because of the length of time it would take to build up their book. “It takes time to build up a good portfolio,” explains Lindsey, “so those who are already in their twenties would be competing with girls who have been working and building up a book since their teens.”

London model Lauren Trichardt, 20, a 5’9” brunette, is a rising star of the London scene. She’s been booked for numerous catwalk shows and has just shot the Moschino Cheap’n’Chic Perfume campaign. She reveals it’s been far from an easy ride.

“I've been modelling for three years and it's been a hard slog. The worst thing about modelling is that it involves a lot of patience

because of all the waiting around. You go to see people all across London for them to spend thirty seconds looking at your book (industry jargon for a model’s portfolio). The show castings are also very tiring.

You have up to ten appointments a day and wait in huge queues until it's your turn to see the designer.”

At the beginning of their career, models have to do a lot of unpaid shoots, known as ‘testing’, in order to build up a portfolio. These pictures will later get them paid work but it can sometimes take a long time for a ‘new face’ to break into the industry.

‘Don't expect to make money straightaway,’ advises Lindsey. ‘In some cases it can take up to a year before a model can really start earning.’ Earnings can range widely too, starting as low as £10,000 a year and rising to more than £150,000 for big campaign earners.

Despite all the hard work, Lauren advises anyone thinking about modelling to give it a shot. “I got taken on by just walking into the agency (currently signed to Assassin).”

Not everybody is this lucky.

Whatever happens, she recom-

Diet Coke with Lemon The only nutra-sweet pop better than its sugar daddy.

Has the same lemony taste as pub coke, but without the pips and lipstick fossil on the glass. Add some ice, close your eyes and you’re back in the glory days of your local during Euro 96.

Dawson's Creek Series 5 Finally Oompa Loompa loses his V! Ardent fans will remember Joey telling him in the ninth episode of series one, ‘even Spielberg outgrew his Peter Pan phase Dawson’. It’s taken ninety-three episodes to get from subtext to action, but it just wouldn’t be Capeside if it didn’t.

Powder Blusher Vintage cashmere is allowed, and we might even allow the odd glass of vintage wine to drip onto it. Vintage make-up however is unacceptable.

Unless you're an imaginative drug-smuggler, donate it to the drama shed.

Folkloric An unashamed re-hash of last season’s greasy gypsy look, but this time with flourishes of mohair, blanket and shoddy craftmanship.

Hands up those who want to look like they should smell damp? No, we didn't think so.

Nokia 3210e The Reebok classic of the phone world has recently made the transition from dated to retro. Long-time owners stop blushing and start posing. For ultimate old school cool have ‘Nokia tune’ ringtone and a busty-lady graphic.

Half

insids model industry Thu-Anh Mac meet hardt ic Tr en ock and Laur ld Ba y se nd Li s er

ike Popstars and Big Brother, Model Behaviour 2 is a series which cannily feeds into the current fascination with instant fame and fortune. The camera follows thousands of wannabes who audition in the hope of being signed

by Select Model agency and appearing on the cover of GQ. The odds are stacked high, but is the eventuality worth it?

An emphatic “no!” is the answer from Lindsey Baldock, Women’s Booker at Nevs Model Agency in London. “I’d never be a model!” A booker for two and a half years, Lindsey confirms that modelling is hard work and incredibly competitive. “We have open calls between ten and twelve in the morning to see new faces but we only take on about one out of a thousand people who walk in.”

So what exactly are the agencies looking for?

“There is no particular ‘look’ we go for,” claims Lindsey. “In fact, two of our highest earners are complete opposites. Kaya is a petite brunette at only 5’6” whilst Bonnie is a leggy 5’10” blonde.”

Half

LAUREN SAYS: “Not everybody is this lucky”

69s Like a bad game of chess.

You try to anticipate what will happen, move accordingly, only to discover they had a whole other game-plan. Both egos are dented and pieces i n c r e a s i n g l y neglected.

As dreaded, two hours later it ends in stalemate.

Laura Scott & Sarah Musa

FRESHERS YORK VISION

VISION REVIEWS

p28 Road to Perdition Gangster’s Paradise?

p30

MUSIC 23

p32

Peter Kay Zadie Smith King of comedy hits town “They think I’m a whore”

This is Music

With the release of their top 5 album James Kelly chats to The Music at their homecoming gig in Leeds about being great mystical icons and a scally band.

S

ometimes it’s impossible not to sound like a screaming teenage girl.

Times like when a stray boot hits you down below. Or maybe when you see the Vision editors strolling around campus with their air of ‘men about business’.

However, seeing The Music live creates a feeling of fandom so extensive that you can’t help but blab incoherantly and lose all cool pretensions. The Music make you believe in, well, music again.

Anyway, I’m talking to vocalist Robert Harvey before their homecoming show in Leeds.

This is the first time they’ve returned since their debut album entered the charts at number four and let’s just say that the touts weren’t doing business for less than fifty pounds. Mr Harvey, what does it feel like to have had such success so early in your career?

“Well, with the way things are nowadays and with the amount of gigs we’ve done, I think we’ve definitely earned it,” answers Robert. “In terms of letting enough people hear it, I guess number four tells you that people like it and care.”

Do you think though that you’ve broken into the mainstream with the last single, ‘Take The Long Road and Walk It’ going top 15, or are you a huge cult band?

“I don’t honestly think we sit down and think about that,” declares Robert. “We just play and get it to as many different people as possible. We don’t try to be a cult band and we don’t try to be mainstream. We just want people to hear our music, be happy, and give them something to believe in.”

However, Mr. Harvey, there’s a slight problem with that answer. A certain music weekly has billed you as the new icons and white knights that the world has been waiting for. Aren’t you supposed to be a semi-mystical figure spear heading a generation towards the great fight?

“I don’t know about that,” Robert muses. “We’re just four normal people who enjoy playing music. If people want to make more of it then it’s entirely up to them.”

Robert shrugs and clearly agrees that some of the stuff written about them has been utter rubbish. What about that

whole thing about how you all locked yourselves in your bedrooms for years?

“Well, we did do that for a while,” states Robert. “Most people do. Every one of us went through that. Some people don’t want to do what everyone else wants to do when they’re 14 or 15 so you go and do your own thing. You do lock yourself away; well, I did and I just thought about stuff. It wasn’t quite as depressing as they made out though.”

Having grown up in Essex, I understand his sentiments; there’s more to life than Hackett tops, garage music and pretending to be black.

This leads Robert onto explaining the theory behind the instrumental and colossal set closer ‘The Walls Get Smaller’.

“If you imagine there’s a wall and the whole world’s inside that, we were trying to emphasize that the walls are getting smaller and smaller, tighter and tighter, and eventually there’ll just be very little room for people to do anything.

Very little freedom to just do what you want and art is being stumped by that. Outside of that, you’ve got all this shit

“We just want to give people something to believe in” waiting to happen. It’s about narrow mindedness.”

So, in a way, the reports are right and you are rallying against the ‘imposed’ norms.

“Maybe unconsciously,” agrees Robert. “We don’t do it purposefully. But I think there’s something going on that a lot of people don’t know about.

Everybody’s doing their so called ‘own thing’, they’re all driving about and working and stuff, which is what people have gotta’ do to live.”

“But I’m just thinking about why and how have we got to that and why the fuck should we have to keep doing it? It might be a bit late to suddenly go ‘I don’t want to do it’ but although I don’t know about the rest of the world and I don’t know much about politics, just looking around, a lot of it seems like we’re being forced into stuff.”

Well, maybe that’s why you’re being billed as the great last hope?

“You’ve just gotta’ laugh about it,” chuckles Robert.

“Some people don’t get it. Like

the NME when we, or it seemed I, did that big piece. We all spoke and had individual interviews; we did an 8 hour photo shoot and they put me on the front cover and didn’t mention a word of anyone else. That’s how much they understand us – very, very little. We do call ourselves The Music; surely that’s a big enough hint?! They just don’t get it.”

Meeting Robert, he does seem very different from how he’s been painted in the press, and sounds exasperated that the band are increasingly being labelled with the dreaded moniker of ‘dope band’.

“It’s annoying,” muses a disgruntled Robert. “I don’t even smoke weed. The rest of the band do but every fucking person smokes weed – it’s just like having a drink nowadays.

We’ve tried to stop talking about it but I want to get it fucking straight. They make us out to be some sort of fucking scally band. We’re not about that.”

“Like the recent ‘The Music on Tour’ article in the NME. It

said, ‘Oh, we found The Music playing football in a graffittied car-park’. He didn’t fucking find us there – his fucking photographer took us there. He actually found us watching a film.”

“A lot of Press, whenever they come up to Leeds, always try and get us in some dingy little place but we like walking round fields and stuff like that.

We don’t like hanging on street corners and spraying our names on fucking signposts. I don’t understand any of it. I don’t think I want to either.”

After denouncing their Top of the Pops performance and presenter Richard Blackwood as a pillock, the band disappear to prepare for the best live show I have ever seen.

Audience devotion like this hasn’t been seen since Oasis first appeared, and judging by the amount of utter tits in the sell-out crowd, the next album could see them reach such heights. They may not be the urban heroes that the press have portrayed, but they are anti-image, anti-bullshit and absolutely essential.

24 MUSIC

Fearless and Loathing Richard Fearless of Death in Vegas tells Robin Howells about his respect for Liam Gallagher and hypnotising his audience

D

eath in Vegas, sometime Iggy Pop collaborators and (cruelly) alleged ‘Big Beat’ act, shook off said tag with the release of their relentlessly dark ‘Contino Sessions’ album, which found wide appeal and even a Mercury Music Prize nomination. The new record ‘Scorpio Rising’ once more changes approach

D

o you remember how all the Press reports described The Coral?

Wild live shows and strange sea-shanty-esque songs? But then they turned out to be not much cop at all, just a bunch of scally chancers who had the occasional decent song. Well, The Bandits are everything that The Coral were meant to be, but with the added bonus of cowboy music as well.

Having honed their live show at the quickly-becoming-legendary ‘Bandwagon’ nights they hosted for new talent around Liverpool, they’re much more like what was expected – great tunes and an aura of being the last gang in

“I wouldn’t have done it...the Queen doesn’t deserve me.” town who would just as readily fight with you as drink with you.

And unlike The Coral, they don’t seem to be attempting to to distract you whilst their mates remove your hubcaps outside.

However, does lead vocalist, John, feel The Coral have helped kick down the door to success?

“I think The Coral broke down a barrier for certain people but I think a lot of bands have been doing that,” muses John is his broad Scouse accent. “The Music are also doing it; breaking down barriers, doing something new and inventive and not just the same old drone of things that’ve been done for the last ten years. I think that’s ‘cos people are getting more into retrospecting further back than the

with a set of somewhat more upbeat songs including recent single and noisy garage-rocker ‘Leather Girls’.

The band are always noted for the wide range of vocalists they take on board for each album, and perhaps surprisingly, given the tradition of working with Noel Gallagher established by acts like the

last ten years and actually listening to other things. Just everything that’s gone before and each style like reggae, jazz or whatever. There’s so much there that can be taken.”

So John, does that mean you view your rather wonderful sound as being as traditional as it is original?

“Sort of,” replies a very thoughtful John. “It does sound quite new and different to me though but you can also hear where all the little bits are coming from and can pinpoint a record and say ‘that’s from that’. Not that it’s taken from it but it’s got the same feeling or sound. It’s good that with six here, we all throw in different ideas and it just becomes this huge thing that relies on each member as much as the other.”

That is a very fair point, as you can hear a huge array of influences in The Bandits’ thrilling live set, from old Deep South Blues and skiffle to Bob Marley or The Clash.

Does John feel then that the band are part of a new British movement of bands ready to beat back the hungry hoards of New Yorkers in their battered Leather jackets?

“Yeah, a forward looking movement,” replies John in a semi-veiled reference to the retrogressive current vogue sound. “I think music comes round in circles. You get different trends and fads and the one thing we’re hoping to do is stay on longer than any fad that this may or may not be. We’re here for longevity and we want to stay here and make more than three albums; we wanna’ make five, six, seven, eight.”

But what about being part of a Liverpool scene that you seem to be spearhead-

Chemical Brothers, one guest on ‘Scorpio Rising’ is his brother Liam.

“He doesn’t actually like a lot of current music,” Fearless explains, “and he doesn’t really want to do a lot of things.

But we did a rock song and we wanted to work with who we consider to be the great rock singer in this country, who is

undoubtedly Liam I think. And the challenge was to take him and record a traditional rock song and use the production to make it a bit more ‘out there’.”

Was he as awkward as he is often made out to be?

“No, the complete opposite of that. He was incredibly funny and just really professional, and I’ve got huge respect for him. I was probably as proud to work with him as Iggy, you know. It can’t be the

FRESHERS YORK VISION

easiest thing to be someone like him I don’t think. He’s brought a lot of it on himself, but at the end of the day, he’s just a guy.”

Another one of the collaborators on ‘Scorpio Rising’ is traditional Indian musician Dr. L. Subranium, who was asked to arrange and play strings.

Despite the current vogue for appropriation of the subcontinent’s style, when I spoke to founder member Richard Fearless, he was unconcerned about being seen as another cultural tourist.

“One thing you’ve got to remember is that we first approached him five years ago to work on this album, and the first stuff he started writing was about two years ago, so we didn’t know that India was going to be fashionable. From very early on we knew what we wanted to do with the strings, and what we wanted to do involving the artwork. It was all planned from the very beginning.”

Moving on to the influences behind Death In Vegas, Fearless lists music from traditional country to Detroit techno, but he believes in achieving a degree of independence from external stimuli.

“Personally I don’t read the music press. If there’s a documentary on or a film, I’ll watch it, but otherwise I don’t watch TV. And I have the worst knowledge of bands that are around at the moment, outside of electronic music. We get imagery from books and films and music, but we only let in what we want to be influenced by…hardly any new music from the last couple of years. I’ve often thought what it would be like if someone was brought up never ever listening to any music. It would be a great

“Taking a baby and locking it up would be a great experiment.”

experiment. Probably illegal… taking a baby and locking it up.”

Talking of electronic music, he doesn’t think much of the recently trumpeted ‘death of clubbing’ and the supposed transfer of focus to live bands.

“When I’ve got the time I like to do both, although I don’t like festivals. But I don’t think the death of the superclub – which is all that’s happening – is a bad thing. There are certainly some really good clubs around at the moment because everything’s gone a bit more underground. Things have gone full circle again.”

Despite their traditional Indie fan-base, Death In Vegas are no strangers to the club scene, and Fearless talks of “bizarre” levels of support from both the dance music press (they are on the cover of ‘Jockey Slut’ magazine this month) and DJs like Andrew Weatherall, Carl Cox and Laurent Garnier.

The band, however, have also been rehearsing their live show for about a month now, but are not, in Fearless’ words, “doing the songs as you know them.”

“We’ve delved more into the dynamics of them. It’s working really well – we’re looking at bands like Can, Harmonium and Neu and what they did live, which was very repetitive, very hypnotic.

Hypnosis, for me, is what it’s all about, as far as music’s concerned.”

Bandit country

James Kelly talks to the hottest new band in town and discovers what The Bandits think of the Liverpool renaissance and the Queen. ing with your Bandwagon nights?

“We started the Bandwagon out as a residency about a year ago. We were just trying to get the local bands that were the supports a better audience. They were all our mates anyway. It’s like pin the tale on the donkey; if someone’s trying to pin the whole upsurge of British music on us then I think they’re wrong. But we’ve had an epicentre for a little bit of British music.”

“We’re all trying to get away from that ‘Liverpool scene’ tag though. It is annoying.

I don’t know how it seems out of the city but there are differences and we are all striving to become separate. We’re all friends but we are all our own bands. The press paint it like there’s a big load of us all going round together into shops and that!”

It seems natural that The Bandits should stop these smaller club nights in

Liverpool as their popularity inevitably continues to go. The question is, if it was offered, would they have played the Queen’s Jubilee?

“No,” replies a very sure John.

“It’s like, Brian Wilson was brilliant and then you look to his left and see the likes of Emma Bunton and all those others playing with him and you just think ‘Oh no’. It’s sickening. So no, I wouldn’t have, because she doesn’t deserve me.”

Maybe you’d like to physically torture one of those who ruined your watching pleasure then John?

“No; I’d torture Black Lace ‘cos I can’t stand ‘Agadoo’.

It goes through me – it’s like chalk on a blackboard.

They did that thingy as well…”

John then starts serenading me with “We’re having a gang bang, we’re having a ball”, which I’m sure can’t have been from the before mentioned cheese-meisters. With that, I decide to depart the happily singing and dancing Scouser, content in the knowledge that one day we will inevitably see him on TOTP and he may even give a rendition of his gang bang song to Jamie Theakston.

26 MUSIC Supergrass

S

Life On Other Planets (out now)

ince their debut album ‘I Should Coco’, I’ve always felt that Supergrass have been good but kind of forgettable and unsure of their role in the music world. With this, their fourth album, Supergrass, well, continue being just that. Don’t get me wrong – it’s a good album. It’s just that, unlike the likes of earlier tracks ‘Caught By The Fuzz’ or ‘Lenny’, you can hardly remember any of these once the CD has finished spinning.

Recent single ‘Grace’ is a case in point. Everything about it indicates the perfect Supergrass song. But something is missing. It’s almost as if the band are going through the motions, just like it seemed at their recent festival appearances.

There are times when it seems Gaz Coombes remembers what the band were great at such as on ‘Never Done Nothing Like That Before’ which reminiscent of their earliest efforts. Its spontaneity and sheer sense of ‘to hell with it’ could easily have sat happily on ‘I Should Coco’ and their traditionally superb live outings.

However, for every hint of greatness, there are also ones indicating Gaz is unsure of the band’s

The Libertines

T

Up The Bracket (14th October)

he Press release accompanying the eagerly awaited debut from the much talked about Libertines states “the best album ever”. If the current music climate is going to be remembered for one defining album then this is it.

Thankfully, it’s the sound of The Strokes being taken out down a dark East End back alley at closing time and being given the kicking of their lives for being as soft as Dale Winton shopping for cotton wool. Yes, The Libertines have been billed as the British Strokes but they are infinitely better than that and not so rooted in the past. Their sound is a combination of some of the best British bands of the past, ranging from The Jam, The Undertones and The Clash, to The Smiths and The Kinks. The album was even produced by Mick Jones of The Clash! Oh, and there’s a certain Chas ‘n Dave element or, if you’re a bit more avant-garde, Ian Dury.

Pete Doherty and Carlos Barat share vocal duties but it’s the former’s that really set the band apart. Sounding like Paul Weller in The Jam, it adds a convincing tone for The Libertines social commentary.

No, really. Take ‘Time For Heroes’ with

its talk of the kids being picked up after the riot. Or there’s the wit of ‘Up The Bracket’, where a certain foolish individual ends up like the biblical Joseph of Technicolor dream coat fame, “bloody in a hole”. There is also maybe a seedy story behind said song but I’ll leave that up to you to decide when you buy this album, which you have to because it’s essential.

Its vital nature comes from, inevitably, the tunes. Contained here are some of the best, most pure pop hooks heard since early Beatles.

For example, ‘The Boy Looked At Johnny’ comes complete with a ‘La-dida’ sing-along Chas ‘n Dave chorus.

In fact, so great is the quality of melody on offer that the band can leave off their previous top 30 single ‘What A Waster’. Although I’m well aware it’s a worn cliché, each song really could be a single. Not only that, each one could easily go top 20 so memorable and catchy are the songs.

The Beatles cacked from a great height on The Monkees. The Clash did it better than The Dead Kennedys. Oasis did it infinitely better than the Counting Crows. And now The Libertines have wiped the smirk off the faces of The Strokes. This is the most British album you will ever hear and gives you a reason to be proud to dwell hear again. Buy it.

(James Kelly)

So the Liverpool renaissance continues. Clearly feeling guilty over giving the world the hideous Space, the once great musical city appears to be churning out superb new bands as regularly as Michael Barrymore can say ‘no comment’.

Tellingly, The Crescent were former Las’ legend Lee Mavers’ new band until he bottled it and decided to go AWOL again. The Crescent, though, are the natural heirs to The Las’ crown. Whilst still being new and fresh, The Crescent keep enough of their music rooted in their working class backgrounds. There’s that Oasis swagger but paired with The Las amazing ear for melody and several of the best riffs since The Stones ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash’.

Such riffs appear on previous single ‘On The Run’, which raises a finger suitably enough for any trendy looking to revert their ways whilst ‘Spinnin’ Wheels’ shows singer Wayne Whitfield’s vocals at their best as he hollers “Do you hear what I hear?”, to which the resounding answer is yes.

It could just be that The Crescent have crept up on the outside to make the best and most relevant album out of Liverpool for a long long time.

Don’t bet against them becoming the voice of a generation. (James Kelly)

purpose nowadays. For example, on opener ‘Za’ his vocals bear an uncanny resemblance to John Lennon whilst ‘Can’t Get Up’ sees him branch off into Marc Bolan-isms. Such a sense unfortunately pervades the album.

This is not to say it shouldn’t be bought. On the contrary in fact, because Supergrass still do…um… ’something’…very well. ‘Rush Hour Soul’ seems to be a mix of ‘Richard III’ and ‘Sun Hits the Sky’ and thus, very appealing. ‘Brecon Beacons’ bounces along with a near ska rhythm and talks of witches and the supernatural showing the band’s sense of humour to still be well in tact, whilst ‘Prophet 15’, based round a synth loop, details, as Gaz Coombes says, “an odd dream sequence; you’re not sure if you’re dead or just dreaming that you’re dead.”

Such lack of decisiveness is a great summary of the band’s position at the moment. Thankfully, they haven’t moved toward ‘the scene with no name’ as predicted by everyone’s oh-so-loved music weekly because that would have been a grave error, as demonstrated by Ikara Colt being one of the worst bands since Sigue Sigue Sputnik.

Supergrass are still needed in the charts. The only question is, with The Libertines doing what Supergrass used to do so well, how much longer are they going to be

The Datsuns

Horse of the Dog (out now)

The Crescent (out now)

ALBUMS

The Eighties Matchbox B-Line Disaster

The Crescent

FRESHERS YORK VISION

‘Horse of the Dog’ kicks off somewhat strikingly – especially for anyone who’s heard the silly, trashy single ‘Morning is Broken’ – with some Peter Hook bass riffing and an unusually passable Ian Curtis impression. The bleak spirit of Joy Division (earlier rather than later) lingers in a lesser way throughout a fair proportion of the album, but exists (un)happily alongside filthy American Metal and noisy garage Rock.

When it works, it’s a combination that works well, although if EBMD allow their Metal influence too free a rein, things tend to get a little baroque for my taste. It’s often the vocals that are at fault, and Guy McKnight would do well to keep his Curtis-style cool. Not that I wish to cause alarm; we’re not talking Muse here.

It’s worth adding that despite featuring an acceptable ten tracks, the album is extremely short at 25 minutes. I suppose it is of a reasonably ambitious nature for a bunch of young ‘uns, though, and you have to wonder if they could have pulled it off over any greater length.

(Robin Howells)

Lupine Howl

The Bar At The End of The World (14th October)

I could understand if Sean Cook was annoyed last year when his ex-boss Jason Pierce released arguably the best album of his considerable back catalogue, Spiritualized’s ‘Let It Come Down’. Thankfully, Cook has not tried to imitate his old band with Lupine Howl, since he is unlikely to do it anywhere near as well. Instead the ‘Howl take a much more guitar ‘pysch-rock’ approach and have produced this (their second) album, which (oddly) would have sounded much more appropriate in the last few years of the 1990s than it does now.

The general sound is that of an ex-britpop band gone dark and mysterious, which is not to say it isn’t good.

The songs themselves vary from the up-beat late-1960s sounding opener to slower tracks like ‘Centre of the Universe’, which reminds me of Elbow but with more of a penchant for echoing background effects.

Unfortunately, much of the album doesn’t really appear to go anywhere in particular. Variety and sounding original don’t seem to be over-riding concerns for Lupine Howl, which isn’t necessarily a huge problem. More often than not though the album passes by unnoticed.

(Stuart Hallifax)

The Datsuns (7th October)

The revival of New York punk is one thing, but the Datsuns attempt to breath life into the unusually grubridden corpse of suburban cock-rock is, to be honest, about as classy as the cars were. Their self-titled album may be carefully hand-built, but it uses some of the cheapest parts available. There are far more gurning solos and no-balls vocals on this record than are normally heard outside of comedy. Indeed, it probably brings Spinal Tap to mind more than any other band.

Magazines like Kerrang have made reference to the apparently exhilarating live experience of the Datsuns, but unfortunately this basically seems to be PR-speak that indicates them to be rather vacuous on record. I suppose they’re not bad for a bit of tasteless fun, but listening to more than a few songs in a row is more exhausting than enjoyable.

Moreover, the unsavoury smell of irony lingers throughout the record.

It’s hard to banish the suspicion that the Datsuns may in fact be a bunch of overly trendy nob-ends rather than the rock’n’roll simpletons they strive to sound like.

Andrew WK fans may enjoy this; everyone else should probably give it a miss.

(Robin Howells)

SINGLES

James Kelly Puressence Walking Dead (out now) A band that really deserve to be huge. For those of you in the know already, it's business as usual.

For the uninitiated, this is their ace new single and it struts like it's fit for stadiums, whilst is vulnerable and eerie enough to fill Goodricke bar. Go and buy the new album now and give them the sucTurin Brakes Long Distance (14th October) Ooh, just what the world's been waiting for thank God Turin Brakes are here to save us from all that excitement caused by all those new energetic young bands.

Screeching feedback and yelping vocals grab you by the testicles and scream at you to listen to this. Or alternatively, Turin Brakes stay exactly the same. It is better than anything else they've done but still isn't exactly Badly Drawn Boy - You Were Right (14th October) BDB is suddenly turning into the quality controlled troubadour he always threatenedto be. This sounds like the perfect BDB song, an opus about turning down the Queen because he's in love. As per usual, sounds strangely familiar yet original at the same time. Joint single of the Hell Is For Heroes - Night Vision (21st October) HIFH's new single proves that they are the best new rock/ metal act.

Soon to be huge as demonstrated by their huge crowds at Reading and Leeds, HIFH are in danger of making rock/metal cool again. Even bares slight resemblances to …Trail of Dead. Joint sin-

The Delgados Coming In From The Cold (out now) Heartbreaking and lovely all at the same time, this first single from the new album is everything you'd expect. Bodes very well for said album that could well be even better than their award nominated last.

Nelly ft. Kelly Rowland Dilemma (14th October) "Nelly I love you and all I think about is you," sings Kelly Rowland.

Well, I'll tell you something Nelly; I don't love you. In fact, you mean so little to me that I wouldn't urinate on you if you were on fire. Utterly pointless single and so crap it's almost satisfying. Maybe foxhunters could hunt bland r 'n b 'stars' like this instead.

The Coral Dreaming of You (7th October) The Coral in good song shocker!

The much hyped yet not much good scousers release the only good song from their recent debut album.

And it is absolutely brilliant, sounding like every Liverpool band from the past, from The Beatles to The Las. Buy this instead of the album and save your money for The Bandits' album.

28 FILMS

MUST SEE “While no male could object to seeing Jude Law’s pretty face get progressively more messedup, it doesn’t help his

Road to Perdition

the boyish signature hunter becomes a bit of a stalker, thinking "We've kidnapped (15) (Sam Mendes, 2002, US) Tom Hanks, Paul Newman, Tom Hanks for a month, now Jude Law. 117 mins. let's see what happens if we feed him on nothing but chips." n 1999, Sam Mendes duped clutters the sets and Conrad Or, more sadistically, "how everyone who saw his sub- Hall's cinematography is beau- minging can we make Jude urban satire, American tifully stylish. But although Law?" While no male could Beauty, into thinking it was the this makes for a sumptuous possibly object to seeing Jude's best film ever made. We left watch, it does tend to distract pretty face get progressively the cinema gobsmacked, feel- from Mendes' accomplished more messed-up as the film ing like we'd witnessed a land- handling of his material. goes on, it doesn't help his actmark.

A lot of the film is so slick ing.

Then the video came out, and so full of sound bites that He struggles to perform and we saw it again. The gags you could be watching a trail- through his exaggerated limp, still worked and the acting was er. And it's a trailer for a much resorting to panto-like caricastill spot-on, but the script less intelligent film: the mov- ture, and his yellow false teeth veered towards late-night, first ie's final lines, which met with make his American accent draft indulgence. And the end- unintentional laughter at the increasingly unconvincing. ing really was a load of guff.

Cannes film festival, could be Perhaps it took a British director to fetishize the sound The moral, then, must be from any blockbuster movie. to approach reviewing Mendes But back to that piano with caution, mindful that he duet. The casting probably might pull another fast one. represents a tiny sample of What's the dialogue really like Hollywood stars who'd do without the gorgeous score? anything to be able to work What's the acting actually like, with Mendes. when you discount the fact that But the director still he's got Paul Newman and doesn't seem to be on top of Tom Hanks, in the same room, them. Chunks of the camerplaying a piano duet? awork rely on simply staring at But such a review is an these famous faces for the sake impossible commission, of it. This star-worship feels because for Road to Perdition, rather too like someone showstyle is inescapable. It seems ing off their autograph collecto dominate every scene. tion.

Expensive period detail And sometimes, Mendes

I

of gunfire to the exent Mendes does in this film - it's never sounded more startling or fresh. His gunshots are massive and echoey, and each one is a marker for another turning point in the plot.

Without wishing to give the game away, the body count in Road to Perdition is high; higher, even, than the tragedies Mendes has directed on the stage.

In fact, a lot of the film feels like the last half hour of a tragedy stretched out, stretched out some more, and then resolved. This might not sound promising in terms of pacing, but the film doesn't drag at all.

In fact, the use of tension is so accomplished, it comes as an unwelcome shock when, in the middle of the film, we get twenty minutes of father-son knockabout comedy trying to loosen things up a bit. Having proved that Tom Hanks can be menacing, he then scraps it all for a remake of Big. The overall impression from Road to Perdition is that Mendes is trying to achieve too much. But there's so much on show here it's impossible not to recommend it.

(Adrian Butler)

Beautiful Freaks?

W

The truth is that we are fascinated by the unusual and this stretches far beyond simply a 'fleeting' curiosity.

Likewise, Hollywood has long conveyed the ‘abnormal’ through a trivial context.

For instance, in some formulaic teen movies such as American Pie, most of the

“Is it right that we can laugh to the point of tears at a ‘living torso” trying to light a match?

comic moments have centred around the hopeless misfortunes of a school geek. It is in our human nature that we find ourselves both vastly entertained and grossly repulsed by the less fortunate.

'The New Guy' (2002), a recent teen comedy by Ed Decter, is similarly about the failures of a high-school geek, until he is transformed into the 'coolest kid in class'.

One of the most recurrent

SPECIAL A Fresher Watch...

As fresher’s week gets under way, Jonathan Beaufort-Jones remembers those films dedicated to cheeky adolescence...

1 - Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986) Plot: - Street-wise kid Ferris takes one of numerous days off school to sample the delights of New York City along with his friends, Cameron and Sloane.

Laughability: - Although relatively dated, 'Bueller's Day Off' is still a teen classic. Watch this with a few beers on a Sunday afternoon and laugh your head off as Ferris always comes up trumps.

Favourite Moment: - When Ferris fools the school into thinking that he is terminally ill and a 'Save Ferris' charity is set up in aid of him.

Fresher equivalent: - Eight lagers, two Vodkas

(Dir. - John Hughes)

2 - American Pie (1999) Plot: - Four high-school friends make a pact to collectively lose their virginity before college in the 'fall'. The main character, Jim, has the hardest time of all because when he finally gets his chance he can't contain his excitement. What follows is a crude look into the complications of teenage sex.

Laughability: - Plenty of raw adolescent humour here, including an apple pie being used as a sex object, and an 'experienced' father educating his son over the delights of the female form.

Favourite Moment: - When Finch, the school geek, sophisticatedly seduces Stifler's mum.

What a stud.

Fresher equivalent: - Four Double Tia Marias

(Dir. - Paul & ChrisWeitz)

3 - Dazed and Confused (1993) Plot: - Revolves around the rites of passage on the last day at Robert E. Lee High School in 1976 for the new, incoming freshmen at the hands of the class of '77.

These rites involve physically punishing the Freshman boys, whilst the girls largeface verbal abuse and humiliation.

Laughability: - Slightly dated, but one that’ll still make you smile.

Favourite Moment : - When the' initiation' process of tracking down a target Fresher goes horribly wrong.

ly

(Dir. Richard Linklater)

Fresher equivalent: - Six pints of Guiness

4 - Road Trip (2000)

The re-release of Browning’s ‘Freaks’ will no doubt shock certain audiences, but Jonathan Beaufort-Jones questions why it was banned in the first place.

e have always had a bizarre obsession with the 'abnormal'.

Think about it. The attraction of Austin Powers’ 'MiniMe' is initially not his exceptional talent, but his physical 'malformation'.

Laughing at 'freaks' is something we rarely admit to doing - but put a limbless magician on a stage in front of a packed audience and it would be an oddity if a chuckle wasn’t heard.

The re-release of Tod Browning's 'Freaks' (1932) - a film banned for over thirty years - is set to challenge every ethical boundary under the sun.

Should we be so easily enthralled by the sight of a pin-headed human-being? Is it right that we can laugh to the point of tears at a 'Living Torso' trying to light a match?

Ever since the emergence of popular cinema there has been an intriguing tendency to portray the social outcastbe it the 'geek' in teen movies or the 'physically challenged' in cult horror movies.

FRESHERS YORK VISION

gags in the film is about midgets, which raises questions concerning the joke's context.

How can such hurtful prejudices be widely accepted by Hollywood when other bigoted attitudes such as racism are more or less forbidden?

Similarly, the context of 'Freaks' is debatable. In my view the film transcends the initial 'fascination-factor' of prejudice, as in the main it focuses on the essential struggle of individuals to become recognized as regular human-beings.

Therefore, after being banned for thirty years, the X rating given to it in 1963 has raised perhaps needless moral issues. Since it doesn't openly exploit these 'unfortunate' human beings, why is it classed alongside such explicitly violent films as 'A Clockwork Orange' and 'The

Texas Chainsaw Massacre'?

From a film classifier's perspective, the main reason for this surely lies in the idea that a deformed human being does not hold the same rights as a 'normal' person.

It seems ironic, therefore, that Hollywood overtly exploits such physical deformities whilst continuing to avoid certain social taboos.

What Hollywood (and the censors alike) should wake up to is the fact that all prejudiceshowever socially ingrainedshould be approached with equal sensitivity and caution, regardless of their contexts.

Plot: - When a guy (Breckin Meyer) cheats on his long-time girlfriend in another district code it is no big deal. However if he video-tapes him self having sex with her and then accidentally sends it to his oblivious girlfriend, it spells trouble. Three of his friends help him on a journey from Ithaca, New York to Austin, Texas in an attempt to recover this video-tape before his girlfriend does.

Laughability: - Predictable but nonetheless quirky humour. From the scenes involving a dopesmoking Grandpa to a death-obsessed nutter, this provides light-relief.

Favourite Moment: - When the dope-smoking, Viagra- induced Grandpa thinks that his pet dog is trying to talk to him on a higher level.

Fresher equivalent: - Four shots of Gin

(Dir. Todd Phillips)

5 - Porky’s (1982) Plot: - A bunch of high school kids discover the do's and don'ts in their period of puberty.

Their lives mainly consist of watching girls in the shower and making a living hell for their teachers and for each other. After being ridiculed at a strip-bar called Porky's, they have their minds set on revenge.

Laughability: - Not one of the greatest comedies. There is a lot of toilet humour and general sex-talk, and the jokes generally wear thin Favourite Moment - When the school mistress catches one of the friends trying to sneak a peek on the girls in the showers - and takes revenge by publicly humilatig him.

'Freaks/ The Devil Doll' is rated 12A and is out on general release now.

(Dir. Bob Clark)

Fresher equivalent: - Two sips of cold tea

FRESHERS YORK VISION

GENERAL RELEASES Signs

S

(12) (M. Night Shylamalan, 2002, US) Mel Gibson, Joaquin Phoenix, Cherry Jones. 106 mins.

igns is the third outing by unpronounceable writer-director M. Night Shyamalan, known by most as 'the bloke who did The Sixth Sense'.

He's hardly done a U-turn.

We've moved from 'I see dead people' to 'I see crop circles'. The main character is no longer action-man Bruce Willis but, er action man Mel Gibson. And, yep, he's got not one but two quietly intelligent children in tow.

Gibson is Graham Hess, a farmer in rural Pennsylvania. He's also a former vicar, having abandoned his faith when his wife died in a road accident, and lives with his children - a little girl Bo and the Haley Joel Osment-a-like Morgan (played by Rory Culkin, brother of Macaulay). The final addition to the family is Graham's younger brother Merrill (Joaquin Phoenix).

One morning crop circles are discovered on the farm. Of course the kid Morgan whispers that they're messages from some

unearthly presence. Gradually, as unconvincing TV news reports reveal that crop circles are appearing all over the world, an alien invasion becomes more and more likely.

Stress 'gradually' here. Signs is extremely slow. But while its predecessors spent time building up tension, here most of the time is spent with the characters staring into space, their eyes as wide as the flying saucers that may or may not be there, and in shock, uttering a trailer-friendly sound bite such as 'They're here!'

After a while, Signs isn't even eerie. Shyamalan doesn't know whether he wants this to be Close Encounters, The Birds, or even War of the Worlds. The Spielberg-like wonder and action just doesn't gel with the effective Hitchcockian first person camerawork.

Since the phenomenal success of The Sixth Sense, Shyamalan has built a heck of an ego, elevating himself to the level of a mystical God-like figure. Signs begins and

Swimf@n (15) (John Polson, 2002, US) Jesse Bradford, Erika Christnesen.

85 mins

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exual obsession and swimming. If the mere mention of these words makes your eyes light up, or you're after some breaststroke deep-end action (I can't believe I just wrote that), then get out of the cinema and onto the internet.

This thriller's a strict 12A certifi-

cate, pitched at a teen audience.

For 'teen', read 'those too young to have heard of Fatal Attraction', the 80s Michael Douglas potboiler with which this film is often compared.

Really, the basic plot is the only fair comparison, given that Swimfan is about as steamy as an ice cube

www.warnervillage.co.uk; or 08702 406020 for booking and info Boat Trip

(2002, Mor t Nathan, US) Cuba Gooding Jr. 93 mins

ends with his name glowing in huge letters. There's a laughably simplistic theological discussion about miracles and faith, which Shyamalan treats with deadly seriousness. His greatest mistake is casting himself in a small but critical speaking part, under the gross illusion that he can act.

But what about the twist? After all, Unbreakable seemed like a load of baloney up until the existential 'eh?'-inducing finale that

and as unimaginative as its title.

Jesse Bradford - a kind of more serious and rugged Jason Biggs plays popular High School swim champion Ben Cronin. Ben's got the perfect life, with a beautiful girlfriend (Shiri Appleby), doting 'mom' and great career prospects.

That's until he meets new girl Madison Bell (Erika Christensen) who seduces him into a one-night stand in the shallow end. Racked with guilt for cheating, Ben tries to back out of this mess.

Of course he doesn't realise

made us stop and think.

Well, put bluntly the ending sees nothing of a twist, and is frankly too ridiculous for words. This has none of the imagination of the first two films. If the young 32-yearold M. Night carries on repeating himself, he'll either wither into obscurity or end up a cult-only director - preaching a tedious, wideeyed message of banality to the converted few, but for all the wrong reasons.

(John Jackson)

wastes a decent pool of talent.

Christensen, who was excellent as the spoiled drug-abusing daughter in Traffic, shows none of the required desperation or menace (for that the film relies on its supposedly creepy soundtrack.)

As well as being forced to utter naff lines such as 'tell me that you love me!', she underplays the role so much it's hard to tell whether her virtually expressionless face has simply received too much botox treatment.

Only the confident and likeable Bradford comes out well, equally portraying egotism, anger and bewilderment.

Director John Polson funks things up slightly with visual-trickery and a nervous, jumpy camera. But that's not enough to save the film from being a plop rather than a splash.

The plot doggy-paddles for a bit and then treads water in a stream of tired predictable clichés including the token High School 'weird geek' (and yes, he wears glasses).

To sum up this film in one final irritating swim-metaphor: 'it's too shallow'.

(John Jackson)

Pathé Distribution Ltd 24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE Out to rent on DVD & VHS now.

Soundtrack track is out to buy now from London Records.

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE is an intoxicating trip back to the legendary Mad-chester era, packed with pills, thrills and plenty of bellyaches.

Vision has three copies of the video, soundtrack and Swan party pack to give away.

To win, just answer this question: Which regional news programme is Tony Wilson currently fronting: a) Granada Tonight b) London Tonight c) West Midlands Tonight Email your answer to competitions@vision.york.ac.uk

Every film screened in town and on campus for the next fortnight reviewed by John Jackson

at Clifton Moor

until too late that Madison's quite literally mad about him, going to criminally dark and devious lengths to get what she wants.

To go on would make Swimfan sound much more exciting than it actually is. The real shame is the two-dimensional script, which

T

LISTINGS

Warner Village

“If you’re after some breast-stroke deepend action, get out of the cinema and

he story of the Manchester scene charting the rise and fall of Factory Records, the Hacienda and the career of Granada TV reporter turned music impresario Tony Wilson.

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE boasts an ensemble cast of British talent in support and the writing skills of Frank Cottrell Boyce.

With tracks from The Sex Pistols, Joy Division, New Order, The Happy Monday's and The Buzzcocks, the film's soundtrack resonates the phenomenal success of Factory's music and the Manchester scene with a cocktail of nostalgia.

It has a fantastic supporting cast including Ralf Little, John Thomson, Peter Kay and Keith Allen.

Based on true events between the mid 1970s to the early 1990s,

FILMS 29

Spark up the 24 hour party with these brilliant, all-inclusive Swan packs!

For more info, check out www.swanweb.com

Divine Secrets of the Ya Ya (Callie Khouri, 2002, US) Sandra Bullock, Ashley Judd, Ellen Burstyn, James Garner. 113mins.

The Importance of Being Earnest (Oliver Parker, 2002, UK) Rupert Everett, Judi Dench, Colin Firth, Reese Witherspoon. ?mins Average film version of Oscar Wilde's classic comedy of errors Men in Black II (Barry Sonnenfeld, 2002, US) Will Smith, Tommy Lee Jones, Rip Torn, Lara Flynn Boyle. ?mins Sequel to the cool alien comedy My Big Fat Greek Wedding (Joel Zwick, 2002, US) Nia Vardalos, John Corbett, Michael Constantine, Lainie Kazan. ?mins Romantic cultureclash comedy

Sweet Sixteen (Ken Loach, 2002,UK) Martin Compston, William Ruane, Gar y McCormack, Michelle Coulter.

106mins.

Hard hitting drama about teen friendship in Scotland. By Ken 'Kes' Loach.

Road to Perdition (see review) Red Dragon - from Oct 11th (Brett Ratner, 2002, US) Anthony Hopkins, Ed Norton, Emily Watson, Harvey Keitel. 140mins.

Star-studded remake of Manhunter to update the Hopkinsas-Hannibal Lecter franchise.

The Rookie (John Lee Hancock, 2002, US) Dennis Quaid, Rachel Griffiths, Brian Cox, Jay H e r n a n d e z .

128mins.

All American baseball movie and family drama.

Signs (see review) Swimfan review)

(see

Juwanna Mann My Little Eye (Mark Evans, 2002, US) 95 mins

City Screen Coney Street, city centre info 01904 541155, booking 01904 541144 Road To Perdition (see review) 1:30, 4:00, 6:30, 9:00 Sweet Sixteen (see above) 1:45, 4:00, 6:15, 8:45

Importance of Being Earnest (see above) 1:15, 3:45, 6:00, 8:15

The Odeon Blossom Street, city centre Phone 08705 050007 for info & booking My Big Fat Greek Wedding (see above) 1:15, 3:25, 6:10, 8:30 Road to Perdition (see review) 12:30, 3:15, 5:30, 8:10 Lilo and Stitch (Chris Sanders / Dean DeBois, 2002, US) 85mins: 1:20, 3:30, 6:00, 8:30 Disney's latest story of a Hawiian girl and an alien killing

machine (yes that's right) is kid's-only stuff: Red Dragon (see above) - From Thurs 10th: 12:00, 2:35, 5:20, 8:00 Signs (see review) 12:35, 2:55, 8:15 (til Wed)

On Campus

York Student Cinema - P/X001, Physics (Listings will be confirmed in week one) For more information contact www. yorkstudentcinema.org or phone 07811 370288 Times are subject to change...

30 ARTS

’Ave It!

utes, he deals with the heckler mercilessly. Every put-down he knows is wheeled out ("Where's your special bus?") but, more uncomfortably, Kay explains himself at full.

It's an awkwardly gag-free patch, and it's full of uncharacteristic effing and blinding.

As he says in the rant, "I've done the clubs, I've done all that." It shows - if you squint your eyes, this could be Bernard Manning on stage, refusing to stop until the man is completely destroyed.

And it's not as if Kay needed to win his crowd over.

Like every other venue he's played on his first national tour, it's a sell out. Everybody here is passionate about Peter Kay. Before the lights go down, the audience (who average about twenty five years) takes every opportinity to trade gossip, and mention connections they've got with him.

One man boasts, "You know that fire inspector he played in Phoenix nights?

He's actually based on a real person. He were round my work all the time."

Other people simply act as much like him as they can — everyone's a bit louder, funnier and more Lancashire than they'd normally be.

Even here in rival county Yorkshire, people want to own a piece of Peter Kay. And, returning the favour, Kay is desperate to keep his routine tapped into our shared experience. Getting his nods of recognition from his crowd are as important to this comic as getting his laughs.

Throughout the show, audience members nudge and glance at each other, and in the interval they come out with whole stories that match them up to the characters Kay describes.

Peter Kay Live

"I

love you, Peter!" He waits a second, then shouts out again. "I love you, Peter!"

The heckler's stocky build is identical to the comedian who's just bounded on stage to massive applause.

There could be a mirror in the middle of the theatre.

It's certainly a confusing start to the gig.

1st October Grand Opera House, York

His voice sounds identical to Max the bouncer, a character the comedian plays in a sitcom. Except it's much louder - so loud, he's just stopped the crowd silent, and completely botched Peter Kay's big entrance.

"I've come two-hundred fifty mile here, and I could have come seventy yards down t'road!"

The man's got issues with Peter Kay abandoning his roots, and only announcing extra shows in his home town at the last minute.

Londoners had bagged all the tickets. Coach parties from the south made a once-in-a-lifetime trip to their town to allow the tourists both to see Kay and laugh at people who sound like him. His fellow Boltonites werefurious.

Kay is clearly touchy about this. In past interviews he’s always stressed how important his rrots are to him.

Over a long ten min-

York Mystery Plays

A

ny event involving county councils, craft guilds and a high incidence of pic-nicking families is usually far removed from any cultural trend.

But the recent West End success of the Chester Mysteries has raised the profile of the English Mystery Plays, ensuring the presence in York of none other than Melvyn Bragg to witness the latest performance of the city's own cycle.

Written just after the Black Death in the late middle ages, the plays are cosmic in scope, combining to tell the Christian story from creation to final judgement, as the pageant wagons on which they are performed process chronologically through the city.

Each play is connected with a city craft guild (sometimes rather too literally: The Death of Christ is the property of The Butchers) and today York's remaining guilds are helped by professional actors and local kids to present a selection of the forty-seven plays.

The individual plays are pretty short in duration: we spend a little too long locating a parking space and find that we've missed the whole of the Old Testament and a sizeable proportion of the New, reaching Deans Park just as Lazarus is emerging from the grave.

14th July Deans Park York

But part of the appeal of these religious dramatisations is that you don't have to follow them too closely- everyone knows the story, and arriving late it's not hard to work out that the guy in the white sheet is Jesus, the man on the throne is Pilate, and the one with all the hair and the big purse is Judas.

Which isn't to say that the productions aren't inventive. Many provide a modern take on the Mysteries' peculiarly medieval combination of expressionism and gritty realism. The Incredulity of Thomas, for instance, is much

“Christ’s stigmata leak quantities of fake blood- a product which seems to be very popular amongst the craft guilds.”

enhanced by the addition of a little shutter in the set wall which slides open, whenever Christ's voice is heard, to reveal a crude photocopy of the Turin Shroud.

And when Christ appears in person, his stigmata leak quantities of fake blood- a product which seems to be very popular amongst the craft guilds and for which the Bible, happily, provides plenty of opportunity.

A high degree of creative effort has also gone into the set design. The Death of Christ is starkly and ingeniously staged, with a set like a giant pop up card which, on arrival, opens out from a simple landscape scene to reveal Christ and the thieves mounted to the sides on three wooden crosses.

The Merchant Adventurers have taken a rather more garish approach for The Last Judgement. Heaven is represented by three castle turrets emerging out of a cardboard cloud. God (played by a man and woman in gold lamé who speak and move in unison) occupies the central turret, flanked by little angels with white eye-masks and bright red hair.

Partly because of the limited stage space, the line between actors and audience is frequently blurred as action seeps out into the viewing space. The mourners at the crucifixion stand amongst us singing laments and, during the Last Judgement, Good and Bad Souls previously concealed as members of the audience jump up and begin berating us for our sins.

Within a temporal framework that places us between the horrifyingly provocative spectacle of Christ crucified, and a vision of the final judgement which promises either eternal bliss or eternal fire, this degree of audience participa-

FRESHERS YORK VISION

MUST SEE DRAMASOC

But these insights are only partly new ones. In his early routines, Kay seems to be covering fairly hackneyed routes - hands up who wants to see another routine about cab drivers? Men and their love of gadgets, anyone?

It's all funny stuff and it all goes down well, yet it veers dangerously close to mother-in-law gags.

But suddenly, just before the interval, Kay gets better. His impression of his nan is hilarious, and deals with the subject of old age even better than Alan Bennett, while his physical clowning tops Eric Morecambe.

Which, by any reckoning, means the title of funniest Lancastrian could just about be his tonight.

And after the interval (he's doing the long show without a support act) his material gets even better.

His final routine - a family wedding with disco makes the most of everything he has on stage.

He uses a dictaphone held up to the mike to do a perfect impression of a wedding DJ. He skids across the stage on his knees and mimics his entire family dancing.

And in an apparently spontaneous stroke of genius, he sucks in helium from a balloon, screeches a highpitched version of Danny Boy, and actually shatters his glass of water with the top note.

This is as good as stand-up gets, but you get the feeling it can't last. Kay looks to be at a turning point.

Having raked it in on this tour, he won't be able to make jokes about going to the Poundshop for very much longer.

An uneasy feature of the night was the constant jokes about his rip-off merchandising, repeating the mantra "my mum wants a bunga-

tion was no doubt intended to induce a very personal sense of moral shame, and to impress upon our sack-clad ancestors the necessity of their individual salvation.

But any graduate of the modern schooling system carries a strong association of drama with social embarrassment- me, I've been mauled by pubescent Furies, pranced on by Titania's fairies, and had one of those Duchess of Malfi speeches about women being slack-thighed whores spat in my face.

So whilst others bury their heads in their programmes, I'm well prepared to meet with unflinching composure any actor

WEEK 1

FREE play for Freshers!

Experimental Theatre Showcase‘Bounce’ (Thursday/ Friday) A collection of new writing by students.

Director: Maddie Penndell

WEEK 2

48 Hour Musical Rehearsals start on Friday and it will be performed on Sunday! Details to be confirmed.

WEEK 3

Everyman A modern adaptation of a medieval spectacle.

Director: Nina McBreen

WEEK 4

Faustus A modern reworking of the classic.

Director: Owen Kingston & CJ Clark

WEEK 5

The Glass Menagerie Tennesse Williams returns to the Drama Barn in his play about a family drama.

Director: Becky Prestwich

WEEK 6

A Woman Alone A collection of 6 female monologues with an all-female cast.

Director: Maddie Penndell

WEEK 7

Bent Opposite to the previous week, ‘Bent’ is with an all male cast.

Director: David Milne

WEEK 8

Apollo and The Rite of Spring 2 plays combining acting and dance, both very distinctive.

Directors:Francis Whitaker (The Rite of Spring), Peter Roger (Apollo)

WEEK 9

Wuthernig Heights A premier of Anna Hodkins version of the classic novel.

Director: Anna Hodkins

who should cringe my way pointing an accusatory index.

Post Monty Python, of course, it's hard to take any of this too seriously, and the highly alliterative verse, whilst impressively grand and eloquent, often calls to mind the "Welease Wobert" sketch.

But the Christ of the Last Judgement, who looks rather like a gay pin-up ('scuse the pun), nevertheless musters the necessary bile for his crucial moment: "Man, sore ought thee for to quake/This dreadful day this sight to see./All this I suffered for thy sake-/Say, man, what suffered thou for me?" Although I suspect the bitter recrimination of this

‘The Death of Christ’ as staged by the Butchers of York.

FRESHERS YORK VISION

ARTS 31

DRAMA BARN

Who wants to be on the stage?

Louise Burns gives the lowdown on getting involved with campus drama for all those freshers looking to tread the boards

N

estled in between the Sir Jack Lyons concert hall and Vanburgh college is a small building that vaguely resembles a scout hut or an 80s youth club. It is, in fact, the Drama Barn, and here you will find most of the campus drama taking place.

With a seating capacity for 60 people it is quite an intimate setting. But not one that stays the same for very long- with the easily movable seating and staging, the scenery for each play is as different as the various scripts.

There are lots of opportunities to become involved with dramasoc. Most auditions are being held in week 2, with advertising about them on notice boards around campus.

This year another 48 hour musical is taking place in week 2, following the success of Grease last year. Although the choice of musical has not yet been finalised, it promises to be very exciting with rehearsals starting on the Friday, cumulating in a performance two days later on Sunday.

Elis Matthews, Dramasoc chairman, has told Vision that this year it is going to be even

easier to get involved with different areas of drama. At the Freshers' Fair this year people can specify in exactly what capacity they want to be involved. From this a database

Applications need to be submitted by the middle of the term and are open to anyone, providing the perfect showcase for experimental writing. Some of these scripts are being performed in the first week of term in Bounce- a collection of new student writing, put together

by Maddie Penndell.

The Light Exhibition

will be created, so that people will receive emails about the areas in which they are interested, including backstage work.

There will also be the opportunity to try directing and writing plays for the society.

The National Gallery, London 8th July- 6th October 2002

L

ight may be an obvious topic for a summer display. However, a small exhibition, exploring how painters used light to create meaning, had the impressive depth one would expect from the National Gallery.

The works were placed in groups looking at symbolic light, artificial light and the physical effects of light, and covered a period that ran from Rembrandt to Degas.

The first section was concerned with the interpretation of biblical passages. John Martin's (1789-1854) Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah is immediately striking, because of the huge red wave of fire that engulfs and terrorizes the cities. In Genesis IXX: 1-36, God sends molten lava to ruin the city, and the inhabit-

ants are killed in punishment for their evil ways.

The foreground shows Lot and his daughter escaping, although Lot's wife has disobeyed God's order not to look back at the fallen city. As a result, lightning turns her tiny frame into a pillar of salt. Classical architecture tumbles down beneath the molten lava, and the manmade structures are truly dwarfed by the scale of the fire.

The piece has a political purpose too. Its depiction of God's wrath is representative of strict Victorian morality.

Christ's Mission on earth, and then his Passion, featured in a great deal of Renaissance art, but in a later period we can see painters returning to the Old Testament as a source for their work.

I

The Drama Barn in all its glory......

Reports from the Edinburgh Festival this year suggest that Dramasoc will try to repeat the visit next year. The five plays that went, Trojan Women, Tetra

In contrast, Rembrandt's (1606-69) The Adoration of the Shepherds is small and personal. By using a large, dark background in the stable, he creates a very intimate setting. The newly born Christ radiates light, and illumes the gentle face of his concerned mother. It is very much a painting of new beginnings.

Later on we come to Camille Pissarro's (1830-1903) sensitive-

Open meetings for Dramasoc members are held every week on Tuesday.

Performances are usually on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays.

Tickets can be bought on the door and are on sale the week before the performance in Vanburgh stalls.

For more information email socs54@york.ac.uk.

ly painted The Boulevard Montmartre at Night. In this composition we see a beautiful nineteenth century Paris street recently lashed by a rainstorm. The effect is dazzling, with the soft yellow of the street lamps, and the fiery orange of the shop windows reflected in the shiny damp of the pavement.

The wide avenue and bustling nightlife are at once a celebration of the city and of modernity,

Hector’s House 27-31 August Theatre Royal, York 3-14 September Mancester Library Theatre, Mancester

t was amazing to witness how grown women reverted to childhood when provided with sequins, crayons and instructions on how to make a paper boat.

This arts and crafts session, during the interval of Hector's House, was just one of the many ways in which the audience was invited to participate in the play's action.

There was also the opportunity to name sheep, write lines for the script and suggest a catch phrase for a main character.

Grammaton, True West, Fresh Paint and The Graffiti Wall, were all popular and well received by Edinburgh audiences. Matthews and the other directors and actors who went certainly enjoyed the vibrant festival atmosphere, describing it as "an eye opener.

But good fun- I'd definitely want to try to go again."

Overall, this looks set to be an interesting and entertaining year on campus. The Central Hall musical will be Sondheim's Into the Woods, to be directed by Luke Carey and performed in the spring term.

Matthews has also revealed that he is hoping to branch out from the drama barn venue, and perhaps try a radio play with URY. "We do support performances in other places- it just depends on the idea. Dramasoc is bigger than the Barn, but it is its home. "

The boats were intended to create the illusion of 'launching a thousand ships' and were not what I was expecting from a Greek style tragedy.

But 'style' was the key word of the production, and Hector's House reminded me more of a pantomime than the tale of Helen and Paris in Troy, with the cast of three metamorphasising tragedy into misplaced, but amusing, farce.

The adaptation was performed and written by the Manchester based duo Lip Service, who became famous at the Edinburgh Festival for their witty deconstructions

with the line of gas lamps guiding one through the painting. In the deep blue of the outside diners there is also a strong hint of his friend and fellow Frenchman, Pierre-Auguste Renoir (1841-1919).

Renior's work uses light in another way, with his Boating on the Seine showing the vitality of the sea. On a hot day he depicts the sun hitting the water and diffusing downwards. The brightness of the water is enhanced by its contrast with the brown of the rowers' boat. One senses that for Renoir, the representation of the ladies in the boat are secondary to his desire to illustrate the colours of the river.

Despite leaping around chronologically, the exhibition gives coherent expression to the ideas of different artistic movements. It is a memorable show that stimulates contemplation of the methods of artistic production.

of literary masterpieces.

Tonight was no exception as the pair took the original Greek tale of Helen of Troy and added their usual modern twist.

Zeus, King of the Greek Gods, was presented to the audience by a 'satellite link-up' and was dressed in a costume not dissimilar to that of Father Christmas. He sat at his desk ruling the world on a Playstation.

In keeping with the satirical approach, Helen was picked to be 'the fairest in all of the land' by competing in a Blind Date style contest, and to welcome the audience to Troy, we were given a rendition of 'Troy Boy' in the style of YMCA. The actors gave consistently energetic performances, but at times it just seemed like they were trying too hard.

The costumes and scenery were equally lively and were deliberately made to look amateurish. As the ensemble struggled to tell an epic with only three actors, they stumbled onto stage with

The 'beautiful' Helen, for example, at one point entered the stage wearing a particularly attractive beard.

Overall I enjoyed the performance although the audience participation became quite daunting- I enjoy watching improvisation, but if a spotlight is suddenly on me I become quite nervous).

Hector's House was certainly a different night out. But if you decide to sample the 'togas and taramasalata' , a word of advice: take some arts and crafts materials in order to avoid the scrum around the 'decorating table'- the fights over Pritt Stick became quite violent at one point.

Basically, Bring all the knowledge you gained from watching Blue Peter and be prepared to become an honoury mem-

costumes which deliberately showed remnants of the previous one worn.

Louise Burns looks ahead to the next fortnight’s helping of culture

THEATRE ROYAL A Passionate Woman

4 - 26 October Kay Mellor (Band of Gold, Fat Friends) returns to York with her comedy about trying to sort out your life.

With Frankie and Johnny

3 - 26 October, In theStudio A play about finding love when all you expect is the tv and ice-cream for company. Starring Paris Jefferson (from XenaWarrior Princess)

Revisit the world of Buddy Holly between 8 - 12 October at the Grand Opera House

EXHIBITION SQUARE, YORK BOX OFFICE: 623568

655317

WEST YORKSHIRE PLAYHOUSE

RYEDALE THEATRE COMPANY

Larkin with Women

The Daughter-in-law

3 - 26 October, 7.45pm Tickets: £9.50 - £19 The life and loves of poet Philip Larkin are put under the spotlight in this play by Ben Brown.

Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead

14 September - 19 October, 7.30pm Tickets: £9.50 - £22.50 (concessions available)

5 - 15 November, 7.30pm Tickets: £5/ £6 Set in the 1920 coal strike, this is a little known play by DH Lawrence following the theme of Sons and Lovers.

BOX OFFICE: 01751 476863 FOR INFORMATION EMAIL: ryedaletc@yahoo. co.uk Performing at venues around North & East Yorkshire

THE ROYAL EXCHANGE THEATRE Othello

Martin’s Destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah

LISTINGS

To go, or not to go, that is the question....

Hamlet at the West Yorkshire Playhouse in October.

The witty play that launched Tom Stoppard’s career about what really happened behind the scene’s of Hamlet....

Hamlet

25 - 30 October Shakepeare’s timeless play following the production of Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead.

PLAYHOUSE SQUARE, QUARRY HILL, LEEDS. BOX OFFICE: 0113 2137700

GRAND OPERA HOUSE Rock’n’Roll Heaven

8 - 12 October Tickets: £5 - £17.50 A musical extravaganza by Bill Kenwight featuring songs from Buddy Holly, Elvis Presley and Eddie Cochran

11 September - 2 November, 7.30pm Tickets: £7 - £24.75 (concessions available) Othello leads the season on plays which explore racial politics.

The Dead Wait &On My Birthday 2 - 26 October Tickets: £8 (concessions available) Two plays from South Africa, set to complement Othello.

In the Studio

ST ANN’S SQUARE MANCHESTER BOX OFFICE: 0161 833 9833 box.office@royalexchange. co.uk

JOSEPH ROWNTREE THEATRE Richard III

30 October - 7 November, 7.30pm The first production in an attempt to perform all of Shakespeare’s 37 years of work within 20 years.

HAXBY ROAD YORK BOX OFFICE: 621756/ 644BO

CLIFFORD STREET, YORK BOX OFFICE: 671818

RIDING LIGHTS THEATRE COMPANY First Hand & Science Friction

9 October - 14 December A national double tour to celebrate the Riding Lights Theatre Company’s 25th birthday.

FRIARGATE THEATRE, LOWER FRIARGATE, YORK. BOX OFFICE: 01904

The original Frankie & Johnny in the 1991 film, now on in the Theatre Royal.

32 BOOKS

Foxy Zadie

FRESHERS YORK VISION

BLUFFER’S GUIDE

Wondering what to do with your spare time at uni? You could take a leaf out of Zadie Smith’s book, and dash off a best selling modern classic in between lectures. Cathy Baldwin takes a closer look at the candid and charismatic author of White Teeth.

M

ost students leave university with huge debts looming over their heads, but this was something that Zadie Smith did not have to worry about. A year after graduating from Cambridge, Smith was given a £250,000 advance for her debut novel White Teeth and hyped by her publishers Hamish Hamilton as the "new Salman Rushdie".

Smith's publishers were not let down by their investment and by the year 2000, Smith's novel had become a bestseller. It has now sold over a million copies. Smith’s talent was also recognized by numerous groups and won many awards including the Guardian First Book Award, the Whitbread Prize for a first novel in Frankfurt and the Overall Commonwealth Writers Prize.

This month, Smith is again in the public eye. White Teeth has been made into a four part television series for Channel Four and her second novel, The Autograph Man, was released on 26 September. When asked by Sean O'Hagan of The Guardian about the secret of her success, however, Smith modestly replied that there was "no accounting for taste".

The Guardian labelled Smith's writing style "rudely funny" and likened her to Jane Austen. Her blunt and comic style seems to represent Smith's attitude to life as in the interview where she shockingly commented "the neighbours think I'm a whore".

Rather than being a reflection of her sexual habits, Zadie believes this reputation is due to her habit of wandering around her house all day in her nightie and often having brown envelopes delivered to her front door by various men.

Such a remark seems designed to shock, yet as a

writer with a vivid imagination, Smith could simply be describing the lifestyle that she would fabricate if watching her own life as an outsider. (I have neighbours with similar sordid imaginations...)

Smith's imaginative powers are demonstrated in White Teeth as she invents the farcical lives of two north London families. One family is from Bangladesh, with a father who proudly remembers his war days and struggles with his guilt after having an affair. The other is a Jamaican family who are ardent Jehovah's Witnesses, convinced that the world will end at New Year.

Although herself Jamaican from London, Smith stresses that none of the characters in her novel are based on her own family. In an interview for

F. Scott Fitzgerald Why you should know about him F. Scott Fitzgerald is known as the 'supreme chronicler' of the Roaring Twenties as his writing described the excess of the times.

His novel The Great Gatsby is one of the most famous of the twentieth century and was made into a film starring Mia Farrow.

Fitzgerald's work is still highly regarded and studied both at school and university level.

“The neighbours think I'm a whore" Random House, she commented; "My family are a much happier, calmer unit than Archie's. The Smiths could never keep up with the Joneses."

In many interviews, Smith has conceded that her writing technique is not conventional. She managed to write White Teeth in breaks from revising for her finals at Cambridge. (A more profitable venture than Toffs, folks.) She is also honest about her motivation for writing as the comment "I write for money and sometimes its more than that and sometimes it aint" to Penguin shows.

However, Smith is not simply a money-motivated entrepreneur and this year is choosing to return to being a humble (although probably

not poor) student. She is going to Harvard to do a post-graduate course on the modern European novel.

“I write for money and sometimes its more than that and sometimes it aint"

Smith's strong motivation seems to be matched by her temper and the American men had better beware. In her revealing questionnaire for Penguin, Zadie also admitted that she has "never been able to forgive

anybody anything" and has been known to take revenge on past lovers - rip ping up clothes and smashing stereos.

Then again, perhaps all of these bold statements are nothing more than attempts to keep up her image of a young, hip writer, concealing the truth about the real Zadie Smith.

After all, as an author Smith classes herself as one of many 'scribblers’ and, according to her, "all scribblers lie".

“The Autograph Man" is available to buy now in hardback and the television series "White Teeth" is being

BOOK BUYER’S GUIDE

As the reading lists come out, the Vision Books team looks at some of the options available to the student book buyer.

York’s bookshops: The town centre is full of bookshops Waterstones and Borders being the biggest. Blackwells is even handier, situated in Market Square on campus.

Pros: The shops provide a wide range of titles including new releases and will usually be able to order books that are not on the shelves for you.

Cons: You will usually have to pay the full recommended retail price for your book and could end up spending lots of money.

Top tip: Look out for special offers. For example Borders normally has a student day where all students can get a significant discount on stock.

Second hand bookshops: York town centre is also full of second hand bookshopson Walmgatein particular. There is also an SU-run second hand bookshop in Grimston House on campus.

Pros: You can make substantial savings with books often being sold for half price or less.

Cons: It is often difficult to buy recent books since the stock is limited to what people donate.

Top tip: To make money, sell your old

course books to the bookshop in Grimston House.

Libraries: The university libraries have a diverse range of books tailored to the courses run at the university. York also has a public library, and other regional libraries are only a bus ride away.

Pros: Library books are free and ideal when you only need the book for a short period of time.

Cons: It can be very difficult to get the book you want if there are a lot of people on your course with the same reading list and libraries are first come, first serve.

Top tip: Don't forget that there are other university libraries than the JB Morrel, such as those in Langwith and Kings Manor.

Internet bookshops: Amazon is the first word in internet book buying. (www.amazon.com) Pros: There is a good choice of both recent and older books, usually at a discounted price.

Cons: You have to pay a delivery charge .

Top tip: Try to buy in bulk or at the same time as friends as postage and packaging is charged by order not by book.

Share with friends: Once you know people doing the same course, divide the cost of your reading list by sharing texts.

Pros: You can read all of the books without having to pay for them all.

Cons: This system can cause problems and break up friendships if you all need the book at the same time during an essay or exam crisis.

Top tips: Only works with friends whom you can trust not to lose or walk off with the books.

Brief Plot Summary of The Great Gatsby Through the eyes of his neighbour Nick, we follow the struggle of Gatsby, a man who struggles to fulfill the myth of 'The American Dream' in order to win his childhood sweetheart Daisy.

He tries so hard to become something he is not, that come the end of the book the reader is left wondering whether we have come to know him at all.

Scenes to mention Any of Gatsby's party scenes

which display the excesses of the 1920s - his house bursting with people, lights, noise and alcohol.

The famous scene where Gatsby is shot in his swimming pool.

Gatsby's funeral where rather few of his thousands of 'friends' come to pay their respects.

Some key phrases to drop into conversation about the novel: 'Do you think that The Great Gatsby is autographical, showing Fitzgerald's struggle to win his wife Zelda?'

'Gatsby shows the failure of the American Dream.'

Some key phrases to drop into conversation about Fitzgerald: 'Wasn't Fitzgerald's breakdown and premature death tragic?'

'Don’t you think Fitzgerald shows the dangers of having so much success and celebrity at a young age?'

(Cathy Baldwin)

BLACKWELLS UNIVERSITY BOOKSHOP

Get yourself

SORTED Blackwells has everything you need to kick-start your degree, from secondhand texbooks to the latest bestseller.

And if we haven’t got the book you need, we’ll order it for free.

FIND US IN MARKET SQUARE (ABOVE COSTCUTTER) 01904 432 715 york@@@blackwell.co.uk

A second hand book shop on Fossgate

FRESHERS YORK VISION

A-Z OF AUTHORS

BOOKS 33

REVIEWS

Jack London the FBI to keep a file on him, viewing him as a dangerous communist. A censored version of this file is now available online thanks to the Freedom of Information Act. Later on in life, London decided to

l

H

istory has neglected Jack London. Following his death in 1916, aged just 40, a biographical myth developed in which he has been portrayed as an alcoholic womanizer who committed suicide.

Scholars using firsthand documents have since decided otherwise, yet the caricature has persisted, resulting in his role as a key figure in turn-of-the-century social history, and his position as the most popular novelist of his day, remaining largely ignored.

Born 1876 in San Francisco of an unmarried mother - Flora Wellman London was raised through infancy by an ex-slave, Virginia Prentiss.

Throughout his youth, he was

London bought a long boat, ‘Razzle Dazzle’, and become a notorious oyster pirate in Oakland Bay. employed in various hard labour jobs.

As a 14-year old he routinely worked for more than 16 hours a day in a local factory and on one occasion worked for 36 consecutive hours.

Tired of the endless days of wake, work, eat, and sleep, London borrowed money and bought a run-down long boat, "Razzle Dazzle", soon

becoming a notorious oyster pirate (known as "Frisco Kid") in Oakland Bay. He quickly became bored in any given pursuit and before reaching the age of 19, was to serve on a fish patrol catching poachers, sail the Pacific on a sealing ship and travel the country as a hobo, before eventually returning to high school.

During this time he also became interested in socialism, becoming known as the Boy Socialist of Oakland for his fiery and eloquent street corner oratory.

London consciously chose to become a writer as an escape from a life of working in factories. He wrote almost exactly 1,000 words every morning, confidant in his belief that a writer should not "loaf and invite inspiration; light out after it with a club, and if you don't get it you will nonetheless get something that looks remarkably like it."

By his twenty-ninth birthday, he had struck international fame with 'Call of the Wild' and 'The Sea Wolf' and various other literary accomplishments. He had also, by then, divorced Bessie Maddern - his first wife and the mother his two daughters - and had married Charmian Kittredge.

London was among the most highly publicized figures of his day, and he used the attention he gained to endorse his support of socialism, women's suffrage, and eventually, prohibition. He was among the first writers to work with the movie industry, and saw a number of his novels made into films.

Running unsuccessfully several times as a Socialist candidate for mayor, he was renowned enough for

C

ongratulations to English Undergraduate Isabella Mead - Vision's resident prize-winning poet Paul Henry has selected her poem 'Details' for analysis in this issue's Poetry Workshop, but before we come to that…

Vision asks… Paul, how do I avoid cliché in my poetry?

Here's one way: Hitch a lift on it, as Dylan Thomas did, in his masterpiece on childhood, "Fern Hill". In this poem, the cliche "happy as the day is long" becomes "happy as the grass was green". This is a clever trick, in that the cliche's familiar chord is retained and struck - helping to draw in the reader - while the jaded words, "day" and "long", are newly energized as "grass" and "green". Thomas uses this device throughout "Fern Hill", which took a hundred drafts to complete.

The FBI kept a file on him, viewing him as a dangerous communist build a ship and go sailing around the world with his wife - exploring, writing, adventuring - enjoying the "big moments of living" that he craved and which would provide further material for his writing. The voyage lasted seven years, whereupon they returned home and set to work building their hugely lavish dream home, which would be destroyed in a fire just as it neared completion.

Leaving over fifty books of novels, stories, journalism and essays, Jack London died of kidney failure on November 22nd 1916. Despite hav

Instances of the Number 3 Salley Vickers Fourth Estate (£6.99) nstances of the Number Three is a unique novel in which Salley Vickers is not afraid to cross boundaries.

It contains a diverse range of characters from transsexual prostitutes to the ghost of a dead man, and leaves the reader guessing until the very end.

The death of Peter Hansome bizarrely unites his wife and mistress. As they become friends and cope with their loss, Peter's ghost watches them and comments on what he sees.

Peter also leaves Zahin behind, a mysterious boy who arrives on the doorstep of his house and who his wife invites to come and live with her. Despite the fact that no one knows Zahin's background, he is looked after by Peter's friends and family with strange consequences.

Vicker's novel takes endless twists and turns as we learn more about Peter's life. Although dead, his voice is as vibrant as any of those belonging to the living characters.

We discover about his weakness for women (including prostitutes) and that his legacy will continue with the birth of his mistress's baby.

The style of the novel can be quite challenging as there are endless literary references and quotes, but whether you are aware of them or not, the book is very readable. The pace is fast and short chapters make it easily digestible.

With the respected Miss Garnets Angel behind her, Vickers has gained strength and continues to write in her distinctive style.The preface explains Vicker’s choice of the number three as it represents instability in ancient schools of thought.

This instability in the world is revealed as nothing is as it first appears. Men become women, gay characters turn out to be straight and characters who should be enemies are actually best friends.

If you are not afraid to be challenged emotionally and mentally I would recommend the novel. The best way to read it is with an open mind, discover if you are a good enough detective to work out all the twist before the end.

(Cathy Baldwin)

I

ing struggled to overcome a dubious image, he remains hugely popular with readers and writers, young and old, right across the globe. "What keeps Jack London so immensely accessible," one critic writes, "is the fact that through all his successes he always remained 'one of us.'"

Paul Henry's response to winning poem, 'Details': 'Details' offers its reader a new perspective on the world, that of the parts of each sum - of the sea, a lawn, a landscape, a flock of birds, "a body forever multiple."…In doing so, it unsettles and creates its own movement as it collects these details, "each one throbbing / a separate pattern," like the waves in stanza one.

It's a sensual, acutely imagistic piece: "… the hills, sliding,"… "Hundreds of feathers rise from the lake / too swiftly to distinguish birds." … "There is no glass / only grains of sand, colliding." I think a young Plath or MacNeice would have enjoyed this poem's momentum and distinct atmosphere.

Rightly or wrongly, had it been mine, I'd have cut the last line, ending instead with "grains of sand,colliding.”

If you would like your poems or short prose-poetry to be considered for next issue’s Poetry Workshop, e-mail them to . . . books@vision.york.ac.uk

Koba the Dread

Martin Amis Jonathon Cape (£16.99) ith Experience, Martin Amis introduced us to a new form the higher autobiography - in which he was able to call on all his experiences and shape them into his narrative.

He didn't manage it.

Underneath his narrative were massive footnotes to enable him to get everything he wanted in.

But if Experience invented a new form and then failed to stick to it, what on earth is Koba the Dread doing?

The back dust-jacket of the classifies it as "History/Memoir", and the book takes the form of an extended essay on Stalin, and the British Left's reaction to him, especially that of Amis's father and of his best friend, Christopher Hitchens.

Purist historians will be shocked at Amis using only secondary sources, but I doubt if there are more than a few people in the world who will have read as much on Stalin as he has.

If we had a choice, most people would probably select Amis, rather than a carrer historian, to relate any narrative to them - no one writes or structures prose like him.

But the parallels he draws between his experience and that of living under Stalin are things that no one should attempt.

Comparing hearing his childrens' crying with the victims of genocide won't convince anyone, nor will it help his book.

Koba the Dread should have been an essay on Stalin and then a n altogether separate piece of memoir on Britain's reaction. By combining both of these under one work, Amis is only fuelling rumours that he's suffering from writer's block.

Soon, he won't have written a novel for ten years - in that time we've had a collection of short stories, a novella, a book of essays, Experience and this.

With every book, the expectations for Amis's next novel rise, giving the impression of someone writing themselves into a corner. Amis now has no other forms left.

Then again, this hasn't stopped him here. Read it through gritted teeth.

(Jasmine Appleby)

W

POETRY WORKSHOP Details I've never seen the sea. Only waves; individual, segmented; each one throbbing a separate pattern, sighing a different tone.

and strands of hair never sway together.

There is no skeleton, only bone after bone; a body forever multiple.

Light filters as if through stained glass, the whiteness peeling colour by colour.

Solidity. Simplicity.

The open door. The corridor.

But space bursts with optical illusions: bouncing, shoving, wave-whispers jarring; blurring the barriers, asleep or awake.

And mist coils vaguely, forming no shape but down to the droplets, numerously glistening Below, grasses lurch perversely; even the frost cannot gather them all to a lawn; white skimmed with intersecting green.

Again and again, the hills, sliding, break the simple streak of the horizon.

Hundreds of feathers rise from the lake too swiftly to distinguish birds.

Sometimes I think I have come here alone but this foot does not tread like the other

The wall. The latch. The window-frame.

There is no glass only grains of sand, colliding.

The view stares back at me, opaque.

Isabella Mead

34 SPORT

MAULED The Rugby club went East this summer – and got more than they bargained for. TOM HAZELDINE reports HEAVY boozing, rude behaviour and broken ribs. It was business as usual for the Rugby Club when they travelled to Eastern Europe during the summer break.

IN TRAINING: The boys go commando

Two players were injured before they even got on the plane, while another broke his collarbone only two days out.

Club President Ryan Wareham admitted: “we were dropping like flies”.

The lads hadn’t been in action since the Roses battle against Lancaster in May, but 14 players braved the journey to the Estonian capital Tallinn.

Their mission: to take on the only rugby team in the country, run by a former British Army man, John Slade, who is trying to spread the Union gospel and get city kids off the streets.

FRESHERS YORK VISION

BRUISED: Alan Mcgiver with broken collar bone

The trip got off to a bad start when full back Olly Hawkins missed the flight and turned up a day late.

They lost another man when Alan Mcgiver busted his collar bone during a pre-match warm-up, by missing a tackle-bag and diving into someone’s knee-cap.

With a depleted squad York still romped to victory 55-0 in a onesided game of Rugby 10s.

Two days later, they cobbled together enough people for a 15-aside scrap only for their No.8 Chris Russell to get his ribs cracked and Andrew Measor to bust an ankle.

Despite the heroics of flanker Russell Winters – who was praised by the team for an inspired performance – Estonia triumphed 31 points to 24.

They only played two matches during the five-day trip, but the rest of the holiday wasn’t short of inci-

dent. Event organisers managed to blag a shooting practice with Estonian special forces, allowing the team to test out AK47s and a new type of laser-sighted small arm.

The lack of licensing restrictions in the medieval city also went down well, as did 30p pints and a local strip club.

Club President Ryan Wareham said he was “gutted” to leave.

He added that the club should be back to full fitness by the start of the new season, which kicks off in a week’s time.

The 2nd XV won promotion from their BUSA league last year, and the 1st XV only just missed out themselves.

Both will be hoping to uncover new talent at the AU Mart – though Freshers will have to survive initation in Week 3 before reaching for their kit bags.

FRESHERS YORK VISION

SPORT 35

cGOALDEN

Rob Harris

RONALD MACDONALD: Thrashed out deal with AU President Brendan O’Donovan

SPORTS-SHY students are to be offered free burgers to encourage them to join sports clubs.

The Athletic Union has signed a deal with junk-food superchain MacDonalds as part of huge boost to their coffers.

AU President Brendan O’Donovan told Vision: “It’s brilliant, I can’t believe how we managed to get it. It’s pretty useful.”

He added: “We’ve doubled the income we get on the Athletic Union cards.

“We’ve tried to make the AU Card more useful throughout the year by setting up more offers.”

On presentation of the membership card, students will get a free Big Mac with every one they buy.

T h e deal with the company, famed for its clown, goes in-hand

with linkups to the three Rank Leisureowned nightclubs, where there will be AU events in the future.

“It was quite an effort going round chasing all that money,” O’Donovan said.

Another significant cash injection will come courtesy of the York Active Community Fund.

O’Donovan spent three weeks in the summer securing the £5,000 bid, which will help to expand the AU’s coaching education scheme into the community.

He said: “The money will be spent on getting coaches qualified, making sure they have the proper coaching equipment to use and building links with the community which raises our profile and makes us better looking for sponsors.”

The cricket club were amongst the first to utilise the system, whereby students are trained to coach their colleagues.

“It’s a long-term thing because you’ve got to get clubs to see the benefits and then take them on and develop them,” explained O’Donovan .

He revealed that millennium volunteers are to base their marketing

DOUBLE YOUR MONEY

Sunset Sam

HELLO AND a special welcome to those of you who are new readers.

Over the coming weeks I will be guiding you through the world of betting to the promised land of jackpots and easy money.

To my regular readers, I hope you had a great and successful summer.

Congratulations to anybody who had Europe in the Ryder Cup and Hewitt at Wimbledon.

By now you should all have cashed in the Ferrari and Schumacher bets that I suggested back in March, and so should have a few more quid to play with.

Apologies to anyone who lost too much on my World Cup 'castiron banker' but you have to take the rough with the smooth, and it showed the advantage of spreading your risk with my bets on Owen, Larsson, and penalties all coming in.

Firstly the Premiership and FA Cup Double: after their blistering early season form most bookies are offering special prices on Arsenal repeating their achievement of last year.

Beware however, the 'special' Double prices they will give you are lower than the combined odds of the club winning both trophies.

For example Arsenal are 13/2 to win the Double with sportingodds.com, if however you take out two separate bets (Arsenal 1/2 to

PLACE YOUR BETS: Gamblers in Vegas win the league and 5/1 to win the cup) and combine them in what is called a 'double bet' you will get odds of 7/1.

The bookies explain away this anomaly by saying that the momentum of winning one trophy will help the team win the other, in fact this is purely an easy way of cheating punters who don't know better.

On the European stage both Arsenal and Manchester United look poor value to win the Champions League at 5/1 and 7/1 respectively.

Real Madrid are, of course, favourites at 5/2 – pick this up now before they become odds-on.

Whilst a good each way bet would be Juventus who have started

strongly and can be had at 10/1.

For those of you who want a payout earlier than May, I suggest you get down to York Races on 10th -12th October, although be warned this is end-of season racing, and has none of the glamour of the mid-summer meetings.

Worry not casual gamblers there will be more than football next issue, until then let me leave you with my bet of the week, a young horse called Trade Fair.

My contact tells me it will be the next big thing, and is in line for a Classic next year. It next runs at Newmarket on 19th October, so if you have any of your loan left by then get down to the bookies.

HARD SUMMER: Brendan campaign next year around the work of student cricket coaches in the community.

And there is hope for more funding in the future: “We’re the guinea pigs for it. Hopefully we’ll be further supported after we’ve shown signs of success.”

The aim is to create twenty volunteering opportunities before the end of the year.

O’Donovan re-affirmed the Union’s commitment to lobbying

Admin for better facilities.

He insisted: “We need to make the university aware that if they want to keep their status as one of the best university’s in the country then they’ve got to keep ALL of their facilities up to standard.

“If the university is aiming at the elite students then these are the one’s who can pick-and-chose about where they want to go, and sports facilities are just the type of thing that dictate where the best students go.”

O’Donovan revealed that the row with the SU over banking appeared to be over after a “amicable settlement”.

Sports clubs had revolted at the end of last year over plans for them to bank with the SU – instead of independently.

Former AU president Martin Styles called it a “crippling plan”. But his successor believes: “It will mean some changes for the clubs but I think it’s in our interest long-term.”

The deal still has to be passed by AU members in the new year.

Clubs now can access a revamped web site which boasts an improved information network.

VISION SPORT Whopper sponsor AU’S McDONALDS DEAL

RUGBY BOYS FIRE BLANKS ON ESTONIA TOUR PAGE 34

COLLEGES GEARING UP FOR FIERCE NEW SEASON Pete Stenning

THEY'VE been best friends since first year, but there's no love lost between them when they're scrapping it out on the field.

Sam Codrington and Emily Westmoreland are sports reps for the most powerful colleges on campus.

They know that this year will see one of the fiercest contests ever.

Emily and her Goodricke players are fresh from yet another victory in the intercollege league – their fifth in a row.

But now her mate Sam and the rest of Alcuin say it's their turn to shine.

Alcuin came second last year and finished strongly.

Sam reckons Goodricke are a fading force.

He told Vision: "They're strength is slipping. That's clearly visible."

And was equally scathing

about the rest of the competition.

"Derwent and Vanbrugh have a lot of rivalry," he said.

"It's a rivalry not to come bottom."

He added: "Look at the number of sports reps in James. They're that desperate to win."

Inter-college sport has a tradition of intense competition both on and off the field.

Last year, wily students stole Goodricke's sports board and sold it for a tenner on the internet.

The rogues emailed pictures of the board with backdrops from across the world, with 'having a great time'.

This season, everyone is waiting to have another pop at the top dogs.

In James college, Stuart Leslie said: "Goodricke will be a bit weaker. They've lost a lot of their star players.

"Maybe the time's come for someone else to take over."

He claimed that James had "a really good chance" of making their presence felt

this next term.

And even the rabble that finished bottom last year thinks they'll be up there with the best.

Derwent sports rep Tony Clark-Jones said their disastrous finish was due to mixup with the squash team.

They failed to put out a team week on week, and were deducted a shed-load of points.

Tony said he was "gutted" when he realised the cock-up, but argued Derwent could be in real contention next time round.

He added: "It might be time for a shift in power.

Lots of things can happen if you can find a few superstars.

"It depends on the quality of the Freshers".

And that was the message from all the reps last week, as they pin their hopes on new arrivals.

Back in Goodricke, Emily is keeping coy. Asked who would finish bottom next June, she replied: "probably us".

Sunset Sam

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