Life magazine 8 (UK version) by Viva

life

the PoWer oF netWorkS

Inside issue 8

Children belong in families liFe For children and thoSe Who care For them 29838 Life Magazine UK issue 8 st5.indd 1

Paraguayâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fresh approach to foster care

page 4

How to reach out to local families

page 7

Reuniting families in Myanmar

page 12

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REFLECTION

Seeing God through

children Imagine: you are out for a quiet cup of coffee with a friend and a parent comes in with their two-year-old who screams and screams… How does it make you feel? Who do you blame? What are you thinking?

When parents seemed to be making a nuisance of themselves, trying to get their children close to the Master, the disciples got irritated. After all, Jesus was on important business with the adults. Yet he said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14). As we strive to follow God, we search through people, or work, or studies, or habits; in our religious disciplines. Perhaps we would see Jesus more clearly if we saw him through children’s eyes. Every interaction Jesus had with children demonstrated that they were at the centre of His heart. Before him, Moses kept reminding the Israelites that children were to be there at community events, when the community was celebrating, singing, repenting, and worshipping. The Psalmist knew that the God he served was “A Father to the fatherless” (Psalm 68: 5) and that the fatherless and the lonely were to be embraced within a family (Psalm 68: 6). Paul describes in Ephesians 6, Colossians 3 and 1 Timothy how children

should be raised in safe families that set godly boundaries around them. Sadly, today, often our Christian response has ended up rather skewed. We feel bad when we see a child trying to survive without parental care – so we set up orphanages and schools, and scoop up a mass of children to give them a better life. Whilst sometimes those things are temporarily needed, and are well-meaning, we may have missed the point. God wants children raised in families who will teach them about him and help them to feel his love through a human family. We need to rethink as the body of Christ how we can embrace the child into our human families and into the nurturing family of God. The Church can help to embrace a lonely child and find them a loving family. In return, the family will find that they are in the midst of a moment with Jesus. By Mim Friday, Viva Network Consultant for Africa (edited for publication in Life magazine).

We are an international Christian charity passionate about releasing children from poverty and abuse. We grow locally-led networks who are committed to working together so that children are safe, well and able to fulfil their God-given potential. Last year, Viva reached 2.2 million children by partnering with 38 networks and working in 26 countries. Find out more at viva.org 2

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EDITORIAL Many years ago, I visited a night shelter in Delhi that, after dark, provided a safe place for boys who had run away from situations of violence and abuse. They reminded me of the Lost Boys in Peter Pan; particularly when Peter tells Wendy how they need a mother. Although the staff were doing an incredible job, I was struck that this situation simply wasn’t the same as when a child is a part of a family. Viva believes that a loving and secure family is the best place for a child to be. Over the last two years alone, our partner network CRANE, in Uganda, has helped transition 890 children from Child Care Institutions into family homes or foster care. What is so amazing is that only a third of these were resettled with CRANE’s direct involvement – meaning that network members have caught the vision and continue this work on their own! In this edition of Life magazine read how we’re working to provide familybased care for vulnerable children in other parts of the world. On page 12 learn how our partner network in Myanmar is caring for children and reuniting families following economic struggle and violent conflict.

Or on page 7 hear the questions we’ve been asking as we pilot a new family befriending project in Oxford. Maybe it will give you some ideas to think about before starting a new venture with your church or community. Also, be inspired by Mark and Lisa Scandrette’s thoughts on how to create a thriving family culture. You can enter the draw to win their book – go to page 14 for details! Exciting times are ahead for Viva’s work with families. However, there is still so much more to do! This Christmas, please support our Match Appeal to help us continue this work. More details on the back cover… Thank you for partnering with us to change the lives of children.

Liz Cross Supporter Care Co-ordinator

Read reflections from Andrew Dubock, Viva’s Communication Manager, on page 4 after he recently met foster care families in Paraguay, and saw our partner network respond to the many needs there. 3

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ParaguaY’S FreSh aPProach

to FoSter care Roberto and Veronica with Jeremiah (4)

“Who knows what level of influence our children might have in the future? When a child grows up in a safe and loving family this not only impacts that one child but also a whole generation.” As we talk in her backyard, Veronica tells me with great conviction about her role as a foster mother. She and her husband Roberto live in Asunción, Paraguay’s capital. For the past four years, they have fostered Jeremiah: a livewire lad who loves outdoor activity (as I discover when I almost collide with his bike and avoid him spraying me with water!) “Jeremiah has been a joy to us in every way. It’s really been one of the greatest blessings in our lives.” Veronica beams. Jeremiah’s start in life wasn’t easy. Soon after he was born, his mother was unable to care for him because she was in prison. The authorities

Momentum is gathering in Paraguay to ensure children who are separated from their families are fostered in loving homes, rather than living in institutions. And, as Andrew Dubock discovered, Viva’s partner network, Red Viva Paraguay, is at the heart of this inspirational alternative care movement.

became aware and got in touch with Veronica and Roberto, who had two older sons of their own, and had been on the waiting list to receive a foster child. Jeremiah is one of the fortunate few: I’m told that 97 per cent of children in Paraguay who are separated from their families are living in Child Care Institutions. A variety of social issues, rooted in poverty, force many parents to abandon their children; teen pregnancy rates are among the highest in South America, according to the UN, with five per cent of girls aged under 20 having given birth. Lengthy judicial processes mean it can take years for children to be matched to appropriate foster carers – but, even then, there are not enough available, trained families in the system to receive these children. Institutional care therefore becomes the default choice.

“In Paraguay, there are many children who are suffering and that don’t have a family. No child should be cared for in an institution or be alone or unprotected in the streets. Children were created to be in families.” Patricia, a foster mother 4

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children belong in FamilieS facilitated by lawyer Anja Goertzen, a former Red Viva co-ordinator. “Our movement is creating a platform to make the protection of children in families possible,” Anja says. “As well as awareness-raising in churches, we have identified specific organisations such as Red Viva to develop foster care programmes, which is one of the main gaps in our system.” Red Viva Paraguay has selected the city of Ñemby, a short journey from the capital, as the place to focus its foster care programme next year. Network co-ordinator Isaac Saldívar, tells me: “We can be more efficient by doing this locally – it will be run by a professional team, with the support of volunteer professionals and with the network already established. A local system is well-structured where everyone knows their role, meaning we can become more efficient and effective in ensuring the protection of children.”

Red Viva Paraguay is identifying children who need to be fostered

For almost six years, the National Secretariat for Children and Adolescents (SNNA) in Paraguay has been actively increasing the number of children moving from institutions into families, with crucial support from civil society and community organisations – including our partner network Red Viva Paraguay. The network has been raising awareness of alternative care for children in churches, and holding training workshops. Some couples such as Veronica and Roberto took the next step, and were approved by SNNA to become foster parents. Now the network has momentum to do more thanks to a new national Christian movement called Paraguay Protects Families (PPF),

“What we as a network especially bring is a focus on the local community but with the possibility of impacting the national situation. Our local churches can both identify families that are interested in becoming foster carers and help channel them into that programme, and also work in communities to identify children that are likely to need alternative care placements. Isaac adds, “Collaboration with government is very important because it establishes what the procedure and best process needs to be and then we implement it to ensure best practice. Our participation in PPF is crucial because it connects us with other faith-based organisations who are like-minded, so that together we have a stronger voice to make a bigger impact.”

Anya Goertzen

Isaac Saldívar

Community leaders in Ñemby discuss plans for future work 5

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Miriam, Adolfo with some of their children

PPF is the national embodiment of the World Without Orphans movement, which Viva partners with. Anja took action in Paraguay after attending its Global Forum in Thailand in 2016. She says, “I was inspired to see active examples of how to move towards family-based care and sensing the Spirit of God at the centre of this movement. “And when I first drew together 15 different organisations in Paraguay in June 2016, we agreed that, in spite of the challenges and disagreement towards how the government is doing things, the Church is key in making a difference.” The role of the Church should not be underestimated. Lilian Roca, a child psychologist and advisor for Red Viva Paraguay says, “The churches and the faith-based communities are the only groups that actually remain there over time whereas services that are offered by state and civil society organisations will suffer many changes. I believe that there is huge potential for Red Viva to help strengthen the capacity of churches in influencing local communities.” The transformation that a foster family can bring to the life of a child can be remarkable. Miriam and Adolfo, together with their five biological children, have fostered two children in recent years, with Red Viva’s support. One young boy, Edgar, spent two years with them. There is emotion as I interview them. Miriam tells me, “The first day he was placed with us was a shock: he was three years old but only weighed 11kg, and very different to all the children we

“Collaboration is the only way we can reach every part of society. Our work with Red Viva Paraguay is very important because they have access to families who are impossible for us to reach if we didn’t do this work together.” Alejandra Rodriguez, General Co-ordinator of NGO, Enfoque Niñez knew. Now that I remember this, it hits me again because it was very hard to see him in that condition. Having a foster child, we learned about the love you can give without receiving anything in return.” Adolfo adds, “Over time he opened up with us, primarily in showing his feelings. At first, he wouldn’t cry and was very fearful. With time we explained to him that we were his family for now. The physical contact we had and love we shared with him as a family was important.” What of the future of Red Viva Paraguay’s work with families? With a grin, Isaac tells me he is a dreamer! “Next year, we hope to have the programme working in Ñemby and in at least two cities within two years. I truly believe this model will be a paradigm shift for our approach to foster care. We ask for prayer that we can be a visible force and for wisdom to make a real impact for children’s protection and development.” Andrew Dubock is Viva’s Communications Manager

Help us to provide children in Paraguay with a safe home by making a gift towards this Christmas’ Match Appeal, ‘Family First’. Go to viva.org/christmasappeal for videos, more articles and ways to give. 6

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Children belong in families

Four questions to ask before

reaching out to families Resource cuts in the UK mean there are fewer statutory support services for families going through difficulties. Teachers struggle to know where to signpost families for help, when, for example, they see children turning up to school not having had breakfast. In response, our Oxford-based network, Doorsteps, is piloting H2O (Here to Help Oxford), a befriending project to support families with primary school aged children. Viva volunteer Georgina Chetwynd shares four key questions posed when designing the initiative. 1. How can we be non-stigmatising? Parenting is hard! And it’s difficult to reach out for help when we struggle – and how much more so when we are afraid of being judged. We recruited and trained volunteers who are clear that it is a twoway process.They are not there to solve families’ problems but to listen, befriend, to build on families’ strengths – and also to learn themselves. A homeschool link worker advised us on how practically to best involve parents. 2. Where should we target the support? Our research in Oxford showed that there is a gap in services for families with primary school aged children. However, this is still very broad! We want to prioritise working with families that fall beneath the remit of statutory services but we recognise that crises do happen and volunteers may be faced with supporting families with social service’s involvement. The volunteer’s role is not

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to co-ordinate services, or to reach objectives, but to befriend and support. 3. How can we best support volunteers? It is important that volunteers feel equipped and confident in their role. We’ve run comprehensive training days and have put clear boundaries in place; for example, volunteers are expected to let staff know when they visit and when they leave. A qualified social worker provides weekly group supervision sessions and is also available on the phone for support. 4. What role should our faith play? H2O is driven by our calling to be transformed into the likeness of Christ, to enable us to be his hands and feet in a hurting world, and to love, respect and recognise the intrinsic worth of everyone. If the families we work with are interested in our faith then we are very happy to talk to them about this, although this is entirely led by the will and interest of the family.

If you would like to know more, please contact Hannah Barr, Doorsteps Project Manager, on 01865 811660 or h.barr@viva.org 7

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FamilY global trendS The majority of children worldwide live in two-parent families. This is especially the case in Asia and the Middle East. However only 36% of children in South Africa live with two parents.

36% 5.5 84%

Whilst childbearing rates are declining, especially in East Asia and Europe, women in some sub-Saharan countries are having more babies than in the recent past. Women in Nigeria give birth to an average of 5.5 children.

In South America, over half of all children are born to unmarried mothers — Colombia had the highest rate at 84%. Nonmarital childbearing is also common in Oceania and North America with an average of 40% of children born outside of marriage. In much of Europe, between one-third and half of children are born outside of marriage, and in France and Sweden, more than half of children are.

Only 31% of adults in Russia are completely or very satisﬁed with their family life, compared with 78% in Argentina. Less than one-third of adults across Asia report being satisﬁed with their family lives. Single parenthood is least accepted in China, where less than one-quarter of adults believe that one parent can bring up a child as well as two. Over half of children in Ghana, Nigeria, South Africa, India, Colombia, Nicaragua and Turkey live with adults who are not their parents.

¼ ½

31%

Source: World Family Map reports 2013 & 2015

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children belong in FamilieS

The UK has among the highest rates of family breakdown in Europe

45% 60% £47bn

½ 50%

45% of teenagers studying for their GCSEs are not living with both parents. 60% of lone parents are on housing beneﬁt compared to 10% of coupled parents. Family breakdown costs the taxpayer at least £47 billion per year. Only half of today’s teens will marry, even though almost all aspire to marriage. Cohabiting parents account for 19% of all couples, but 50% of all breakdown. Source: http://bit.ly/2u1uO6G

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WHY FAMILIES

MATTER

“The family is the core institution for child-rearing worldwide, and decades of research have shown that strong families promote positive child outcomes”. Laura Lippman, co-director of the World Family Map The reality is that, in all regions of the world, the family is undergoing major changes. Increasing numbers of children live with one or no parents and family poverty remains high in many countries. In light of these growing trends, Viva believes that there are currently numerous opportunities for Christians to provide support to families. This not only demonstrates the love of God to specific

Of the estimated 2 million children living in institutional care; 80% of them have one living parent. Source: Save the Children 10

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families but is a witness to whole communities as we work with them to value and protect both family and children in our midst. ‘Alternative care’ is a hot topic right now. The United Nations has drawn up guidelines detailing how governments should encourage the return of children to the care of their families or find alternative family-based solutions. Many countries have policies, laws and standards around care for children based on these UN guidelines while others are currently putting new laws and standards in place. More and more governments are making sure that Child Care Institutions are registered or licensed and that children who have families are reunited with them or alternative families as soon as possible. Despite these

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Children belong in families encouraging steps, few governments are actively protecting the concept of family, which could prevent breakdown in the first place. Jane Travis, Viva’s Programme Development Manager, is currently leading our focus on this crucial area of work. Jane says, “It has been interesting to try and understand the variety of issues facing children in families in different regions. Families are not homogenous worldwide. Each initiative to strengthening and supporting families, and to fostering and adoption has to be tailored to the context.” She adds, “While we know that the best possible environment for a child to thrive – physically, emotionally, spiritually, and developmentally – is within the family, some families harm children and the safety of the child is always paramount. The best strategy to prevent abuse or family separation is to work to strengthen and support families.” The traditional way, often seen as the ‘easiest’ option, has been to ‘rescue’ children from a difficult or poor family environment. “Many people have poured out their lives caring for children in long-term residential care, and they view this as their ministry. Making a transition to supporting children in families or providing short-term emergency care for children requires a radical shift in thinking and practice. Working with families is complex and requires a different type of resourcing”, says Jane. Many of Viva’s partner networks are already recognising the importance of focusing on the family to enhance outcomes for children but members of these networks are not always

aware of the importance of family-based care. This year, Viva has developed three key training resources on this issue: • W hy Families Matter: a toolkit aimed at helping church communities grow in understanding why families are so important to children. • B eing Family: a series of workshop materials for network members to raise awareness about family-based care and alternative care. • B etter Homes for Children: a ‘how to’ guide for churches and organisations and Child Care Institutions offering practical information on how to support families and make the transition to short-term emergency care. Jane is also chairing a family-based care working group consisting of Viva’s network staff. They share opportunities and challenges of family-based care and review materials and plan how they can use them in their contexts. Jane says, “In the next few years I hope we will see continued learning around the best strategies for supporting children in families. We want to encourage those caring for children to expand their ministries to work with the families of those children, through the networks. Ultimately, we want to see every child living in a loving and secure family.”

Please pray for: • Viva’s global work in the area of family-based care for children to increase and strengthen, and for continued positive communication amongst the working group. • More opportunities for the Church worldwide to help children to thrive in loving families, provide foster care or adoption where needed and support struggling families. • Those supporting orphanages to consider assisting children in families, where children are able to receive better individual care. 11

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The network is reuniting displaced children with their families and communities

a FreSh

Start aFter

Fighting Following economic struggle and violent conﬂict, families in Myanmar are strained to breaking point. Justine Demmer visited the country to see how our new partner network cares for children and reunites families.

To a visitor like me, Myanmar has an untouched feel to it; there are no indications of international trends found in other Asian countries. As a newly ‘opened’ nation, tourism remains largely locallyfocused rather than foreign. For the last few years, the country has been transitioning from military rule to a system of democracy after decades of isolation and internal fighting. Due to politics and fighting, two-thirds of births have not officially been reported and consequently many children do not officially exist in the eyes of society. Even before the current Rohingya refugee crisis more than half a million people had fled their homes; over a third of these children. Witnesses to atrocity and sometimes victims of violence themselves, these children lead intensely stressful lives, deprived of shelter, protection, access to education and the most basic social services. Many of these children are orphans but more have been separated from their families and communities through outbreaks of violence, the burning of their villages, landslides or being sent away to safety. Vulnerable children have found their way into the city and are living on the streets or have been taken into care. In Yangon, Myanmar’s largest city, it is estimated that more than 6,000 children live in unregistered institutions.

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children belong in FamilieS These homes are often called orphanages, but it is likely that 75 per cent of these children have a living relative. Although these institutions have been started through a genuine desire to assist displaced children, carers are mostly untrained and ill-equipped for the task, and, for fear of government interference, institutions remain unregistered. I’m here in Myanmar to meet with the team at the Children’s Development Family Network, which comprises 20 Christian NGOs and children’s projects in Yangon. Its primary aim is to care for displaced children while working to reunite them with their families and communities. The network’s co-ordinator Ni Sat Thloo has a great deal of experience building strong relationships of trust between different players involved. Over the last two years, the network has offered information sessions and substantial training to displaced families and their children to assist them in restarting their lives. Viva connected with the network for the first time last year. I very much enjoyed our latest training day that gathered leaders from 14 orphanages together to discuss the value of family, working together and assessing issues facing children. It was not surprising to hear that they rated family breakdown as the single biggest crisis affecting children in Myanmar. Under such dire conflict situations, it is the family that suffers most: homes are destroyed, breadwinners killed and children traumatised and unsettled. Families often break apart as a means of survival, or the result of the emotional strain. Ni Sat herself has become mother to her two nephews after her sister and brother-in-law were killed for suspected political intrigue – while in fact they were gathering displaced and lost children living in the forest regions where conflict was still rife. There are many distinct ethnic communities in Myanmar, and original families need to be located for children or a child needs to be reintegrated as a member of their own ethnic community. Various engagements allow the child and the family to become reacquainted, and to establish strong, trusting relationships and connections between the village leaders, village community, parents and children.

Leaders of orphanages talk about the way forward

“it breakS mY heart to See What the children oF mYanmar are enduring.” Young people are empowered to serve their own community in some way, which requires skills training in areas such as farming, and mentorship. It is key to develop the children to become confident and capable, which reduces their vulnerability from falling victim again to exploitation. The situation of children living in refugee camps has also motivated the network to begin response activities with them, and we hope they too can be reunited with family and helped to cope with trauma no child should have to endure. To address a lack of basic childcare and organisational skills, the network will implement Viva’s Quality Improvement System (QIS) programme. This will increase members’ capability in the areas of finance, governance, programme design, people care, child protection and child wellbeing. During the two-year QIS course, participants will identify two areas for improvement in each category and implement changes. I’ve seen the network’s passion, drive and Godly vision and, talking with Ni Sat, she says she’s excited by the prospect of greater working together. Please pray for the Children’s Development Family Network’s valuable Kingdom ministry. Justine Demmer is Viva’s Network Consultant for Asia 13

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OPINION: MARK AND LISA SCANDRETTE

creating a thriVing

FamilY culture “You know it’s bad,” a friend said, “when I reach for my phone before I kiss my wife good morning – or when I’m staring at the device in my hand while my kids munch their cereal at the breakfast table.”

So many of us live lives of hurry, worry and striving. While families in many parts of the world struggle to get clean water, good nutrition, basic safety and medical care, our fast-paced and competitive lives in the West make it difficult for us to be fully present to one another. As a society, we are materially wealthy but relationally poor. Busyness and distraction are enemies of family thriving. If we aren’t intentional about our decisions about time, money, work and activity, then the scripts of our culture are likely to drive us towards choices that will wear us out and take us away from the things that matter most.

“Learn the unforced rhythms of grace” is how Eugene Peterson translates words spoken by Jesus to weary and worn out people like us. (Matthew 11: 28-30, The Message) By following Christ’s example, we can learn to be unhurried, at

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peace and fully present to one another. There is enough time for what is essential. As one of our teachers, Dallas Willard, famously quipped, “If we can’t get through the day without feeling rushed or hurried then we are probably trying to do something more or different than what God is asking of us.” We never intended to create a hectic life of busyness, stress or distraction. We were simply following the achievement and success narratives passed on to us. At the time our three children were born, Mark worked full time and was also enrolled in graduate school. Our life was a blur of dirty nappies, sleepless nights, piles of laundry, work and an unending to-do list. Childcare, career and financial pressures pulled us away from each other and pushed us towards unhealthy and unhelpful ways of managing stress. Our lives felt fragmented and disconnected. One

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Children belong in families day we woke up and realised that we weren’t the family that we hoped to be. One of the best things we did was to stop and reflect: “Is our normal working?” and “Do we like where our choices are taking us?” We knew we needed to change. Some of the changes we made were big. Eventually Mark quit graduate school and switched jobs. But some of the most impactful choices we made were small. We started experimenting with Sabbath practice, taking a full day off each week from work, household chores and even social obligations. We had a conversation together about what really matters to us and developed a family purpose statement. As a family we want to: ■ Love God and people. ■ Nurture healthy family dynamics. ■ Use our gifts to serve. ■ Offer hospitality and care, especially to those who suffer and struggle. ■ Live gratefully, creatively and sustainably. It was energising to articulate our deepest values and get them down on paper. We printed our statement and put it on the front door of our house, in the kitchen and on the bathroom mirror. Once a week, we set aside a time to talk as a couple about how we want our values to shape how we spend our time – what we will say “yes” and “no” to as a family. The two of us gradually realised that to live out our family purpose effectively,

we needed a shared rhythm of life that really worked for us. We began playing with a weekly routine that would help us do this. Thursday night became dad and kid night so that Lisa could get space to herself. Friday night became family night, when we swam at a local pool, watched a movie or played games at home. Saturday became our chore day, the time when we did deep cleaning and home maintenance. Saturday night was our date night. And Sunday nights became our hospitality night, when we invited a group of high school students to hang out at our house. It also helped us to have designated times during the week for a family meeting and one-on-one time with each child. Establishing these shared rhythms protected time for what we felt was most important – listening to God’s voice, caring for one another, welcoming people into our home and serving needs in our community. Seasons of life change and so do our rhythms. And sometimes our lives still get too busy or distracted, but we know we are always being invited back to the “unforced rhythms of grace.” What is most important to you and your family? What do you need to say “no” to in order to prioritise what matters most? What daily, weekly and seasonal rhythms will help you live your deeper purpose as a family? Mark and Lisa Scandrette live with their three young adult children in San Francisco. They are the authors of Belonging and Becoming: creating a thriving family culture (Lion-Hudson, 2017). Mark is one of the key creative shapers of the NINE BEATS Collective, an international project of artists and activists exploring – and seeking to practice – the beatitudes. Album and resources at 9beats.org

WIN! We have two copies of ‘Belonging and becoming’ to give away. To enter the draw to win a book, simply tell us what part of this article you were most struck by. Email comms@viva.org

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Viva’s Christmas Match Appeal 2017

This Christmas, will you help us provide loving homes for abandoned children and strengthen struggling families? Your gift today could help Viva and its partner networks to: • Find foster families for vulnerable children in Paraguay • Equip children in care homes with life skills in Honduras • Resettle children from institutions into families in Uganda

Read stories. Watch videos. Give online or by cheque and your gift will be doubled by a group of supporters.

www.viva.org/christmasappeal

Viva, Unit 8,The Gallery, 54 Marston Street, Oxford, OX4 1LF t: 01865 811660

Facebook.com/ViVatogetherForchildren Mixed Sources Product group from well-managed forests, controlled sources and recycled wood or fibre. www.fsc.org Cert No. SA-COC-09174 Front cover (inset): KXStudio

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inFo@ViVa.org

ViVa.org

Viva is an operating name of Viva Network. Viva Network is a company limited by guarantee no. 3162776, registered charity no.1053389, and registered in England at Unit 8, The Gallery, 54 Marston Street, Oxford, OX4 1LF. Any children referred to have had their names and photos changed in accordance with our Child Protection Policy.

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