Restore Page 01

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sept ’06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Issue 3 – September 2006

COMMUNITY KDN PP 14535/1/2007

1

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sept ’06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

RESTORE is a magazine for the Christian childcare community. It is a collaborative initiative of Viva Network, a wider global movement of Christians caring for children at risk worldwide. Copyright © Viva Network 2006 and the respective authors. All rights reserved.

Viva Network is an NGO in Roster Consultative Status with the Economic and Social Council of the United Nations. UK Registered Charity No. 1053389.

Published on behalf of Viva Network by Viva Network Asia Centre Berhad, 23-2 Jalan 8/146, Bandar Tasik Selatan, 57000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Editorial The idea of community certainly varies with time, location and culture but embraces the idea of relationships and implies that those relationships are mutually beneficial. The community around children needs to be a blessing to those children by celebrating, nurturing and taking responsibility for each child’s wellbeing, whatever the needs of the child.

The third statement of the working document Understanding God’s Heart Biblical Framework (see the complete statement at www.viva.org/restore) reads: God gives children as a gift to welcome and nurture.

It is a privilege to join with children in celebrating their uniqueness, embracing childhood as formative for the whole person. Family, friends, church and the local community are responsible for creating an environment that promotes children’s well-being.

God intends for children to thrive in stable and loving relationships.

Jesus demonstrated the importance of welcoming and nurturing children when he placed a child in the midst of the disciples and said, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me” (Matt. 18:5).

He continued, emphasizing respect and protection:

2

For enquiries or subscriptions: E-mail : restore@viva.org Phone : +60 3 9057 0070 Fax : +60 3 9057 0071 Website : www.viva.org/restore The Restore team is: Kok Chik Bu and Katharine de Villiers Design and layout: Touch Creative Consultant Sdn Bhd Cover photo: Barbara Ruegger, King’s Kids International Printed by: Akitiara Corporation Sdn Bhd 1 & 3, Jalan TPP 1/3, Taman Industri Puchong Batu 12, 47100 Puchong, Selangor, Malaysia

“Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones...it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost” (Matt. 18:10a, 14).

Jesus then puts this into action by doing the opposite of his disciples who tried to prevent him from blessing children (Matt 19:14) If we, in our churches, and our other communities lived out these principles – welcoming children fully, recognizing their place in the Kingdom of God, protecting them and blessing them - and if we challenged others to do the same, then more children would surely experience the love of God more powerfully, more consistently, and more holistically.

In this issue, we look at comes of these ideas in more depth and offer a selection of approaches that can help us in our pursuit of God’s intentions for the child in community. But we know there is much more going on – why don’t you write and tell us what you’re doing with the children in your community? We’d love to make the RESTORE website a place to share the diversity and depth of our reader’s practice. You can also send your comments and suggestions for future issues, through our website, www.viva.org/restore or at the Viva Network Asia Centre.

This issue’s cover photo (and many of the other photos too) comes from a King’s Kids project in India, which works with street children welcoming them to live in community. We at RESTORE pray that they along with the children in all your ministries may know God’s blessings through their families and communities more and more.

Contents Dave Scott

Page

4

Community, Conventions and the Bible An exploration of some interactions of theology, community and the frameworks that attempt to protect children’s rights

Vicki Warwick

6

Kids Bible Study: Blessings in Family and Community [ TOOLKIT ] Simple activities for children to help them understand that God’s purpose is for their wellbeing to be nurtured in community.

Darla Faulkner

Welcoming Children Includes Mentoring Leaders of Good Character Introduction to the lessons that follow with an overview of what children need from their mentors

Darla Faulkner

2 lessons to help your children lead in their own peer groups [ TOOLKIT ] Two lessons to help children define what a leader is and then to understand how character affects leadership

Barbara Ruegger

14

The Keeping Children Safe Toolkit: A taster [ TOOLKIT ] An overview of the ‘what’ and ‘why’ of the Keeping Children Safe toolkit and a sample form the self audit tool to assess how far or near your organization is to the standards to keep children safe.

Craig Greenfield

16

Communities Care – Organisations Care How NGOs can optimise their work for children separated from their parents

Tri Budiardjo

Wellbeing in Crisis, part A: Reflecting on the impact of the 2004 Tsunami How a disaster such as the tsunami destroys families’ capacity to be caregivers and two stories of hope.

Janice Go-Soco

Wellbeing in Crisis, part B: Lessons from the 2004 Tsunami [ TOOLKIT ] General and age specific ideas for how organizations can think ahead to the needs of children.

Judith Ennew

International Centre PO Box 633, Oxford, UK, OX2 0XZ t: +44(0)1865 320100 f: +44(0)1865 320101 email:info@viva.org Website: www.viva.org

19 20 22

Biblical Reflection: God’s gift of children to welcome and nurture

Viva Network: Working together to bring more children better care

9 12

Ideas to Celebrate Children Through Play [ TOOLKIT ] Practical ideas on selecting appropriate toys and a selection of games to play that don’t need equipment.

Jenni Kornell

8

The launch of Restore has been made possible through the assistance of Compassion International and Mission of Mercy.

Regional Centres Viva Network Asia

Latin America

Africa

Europe

Viva Network Asia Centre Berhad, 23-2, Jalan 8/146, Bandar Tasik Selatan 57000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia t: +60 3 9057 0070 f: +60 3 9057 0071 e: kdevilliers@viva.org web: www.viva.org, www.asia.viva.org

Red Viva de América Latina, PO Box 544-2050, San José, Costa Rica t: +506 280 4400 f: +506 280 4400 extension 114 website: www.redviva.org

Viva Network Africa, PO Box 14003, Kampala, Uganda t: +256 41 270056 Website: www.africa.viva.org

Viva Network Europe, PO Box 633, Oxford, UK, OX2 0XZ t: +44(0)1865 320100 f: +44(0)1865 320101 Website: www.viva.org

3

3

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sept ’06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

RESTORE is a magazine for the Christian childcare community. It is a collaborative initiative of Viva Network, a wider global movement of Christians caring for children at risk worldwide. Copyright © Viva Network 2006 and the respective authors. All rights reserved.

Viva Network is an NGO in Roster Consultative Status with the Economic and Social Council of the United Nations. UK Registered Charity No. 1053389.

Published on behalf of Viva Network by Viva Network Asia Centre Berhad, 23-2 Jalan 8/146, Bandar Tasik Selatan, 57000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

Editorial The idea of community certainly varies with time, location and culture but embraces the idea of relationships and implies that those relationships are mutually beneficial. The community around children needs to be a blessing to those children by celebrating, nurturing and taking responsibility for each child’s wellbeing, whatever the needs of the child.

The third statement of the working document Understanding God’s Heart Biblical Framework (see the complete statement at www.viva.org/restore) reads: God gives children as a gift to welcome and nurture.

It is a privilege to join with children in celebrating their uniqueness, embracing childhood as formative for the whole person. Family, friends, church and the local community are responsible for creating an environment that promotes children’s well-being.

God intends for children to thrive in stable and loving relationships.

Jesus demonstrated the importance of welcoming and nurturing children when he placed a child in the midst of the disciples and said, “Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me” (Matt. 18:5).

He continued, emphasizing respect and protection:

2

For enquiries or subscriptions: E-mail : restore@viva.org Phone : +60 3 9057 0070 Fax : +60 3 9057 0071 Website : www.viva.org/restore The Restore team is: Kok Chik Bu and Katharine de Villiers Design and layout: Touch Creative Consultant Sdn Bhd Cover photo: Barbara Ruegger, King’s Kids International Printed by: Akitiara Corporation Sdn Bhd 1 & 3, Jalan TPP 1/3, Taman Industri Puchong Batu 12, 47100 Puchong, Selangor, Malaysia

“Take care that you do not despise one of these little ones...it is not the will of your Father in heaven that one of these little ones should be lost” (Matt. 18:10a, 14).

Jesus then puts this into action by doing the opposite of his disciples who tried to prevent him from blessing children (Matt 19:14) If we, in our churches, and our other communities lived out these principles – welcoming children fully, recognizing their place in the Kingdom of God, protecting them and blessing them - and if we challenged others to do the same, then more children would surely experience the love of God more powerfully, more consistently, and more holistically.

In this issue, we look at comes of these ideas in more depth and offer a selection of approaches that can help us in our pursuit of God’s intentions for the child in community. But we know there is much more going on – why don’t you write and tell us what you’re doing with the children in your community? We’d love to make the RESTORE website a place to share the diversity and depth of our reader’s practice. You can also send your comments and suggestions for future issues, through our website, www.viva.org/restore or at the Viva Network Asia Centre.

This issue’s cover photo (and many of the other photos too) comes from a King’s Kids project in India, which works with street children welcoming them to live in community. We at RESTORE pray that they along with the children in all your ministries may know God’s blessings through their families and communities more and more.

Contents Dave Scott

Page

4

Community, Conventions and the Bible An exploration of some interactions of theology, community and the frameworks that attempt to protect children’s rights

Vicki Warwick

6

Kids Bible Study: Blessings in Family and Community [ TOOLKIT ] Simple activities for children to help them understand that God’s purpose is for their wellbeing to be nurtured in community.

Darla Faulkner

Welcoming Children Includes Mentoring Leaders of Good Character Introduction to the lessons that follow with an overview of what children need from their mentors

Darla Faulkner

2 lessons to help your children lead in their own peer groups [ TOOLKIT ] Two lessons to help children define what a leader is and then to understand how character affects leadership

Barbara Ruegger

14

The Keeping Children Safe Toolkit: A taster [ TOOLKIT ] An overview of the ‘what’ and ‘why’ of the Keeping Children Safe toolkit and a sample form the self audit tool to assess how far or near your organization is to the standards to keep children safe.

Craig Greenfield

16

Communities Care – Organisations Care How NGOs can optimise their work for children separated from their parents

Tri Budiardjo

Wellbeing in Crisis, part A: Reflecting on the impact of the 2004 Tsunami How a disaster such as the tsunami destroys families’ capacity to be caregivers and two stories of hope.

Janice Go-Soco

Wellbeing in Crisis, part B: Lessons from the 2004 Tsunami [ TOOLKIT ] General and age specific ideas for how organizations can think ahead to the needs of children.

Judith Ennew

International Centre PO Box 633, Oxford, UK, OX2 0XZ t: +44(0)1865 320100 f: +44(0)1865 320101 email:info@viva.org Website: www.viva.org

19 20 22

Biblical Reflection: God’s gift of children to welcome and nurture

Viva Network: Working together to bring more children better care

9 12

Ideas to Celebrate Children Through Play [ TOOLKIT ] Practical ideas on selecting appropriate toys and a selection of games to play that don’t need equipment.

Jenni Kornell

8

The launch of Restore has been made possible through the assistance of Compassion International and Mission of Mercy.

Regional Centres Viva Network Asia

Latin America

Africa

Europe

Viva Network Asia Centre Berhad, 23-2, Jalan 8/146, Bandar Tasik Selatan 57000 Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia t: +60 3 9057 0070 f: +60 3 9057 0071 e: kdevilliers@viva.org web: www.viva.org, www.asia.viva.org

Red Viva de América Latina, PO Box 544-2050, San José, Costa Rica t: +506 280 4400 f: +506 280 4400 extension 114 website: www.redviva.org

Viva Network Africa, PO Box 14003, Kampala, Uganda t: +256 41 270056 Website: www.africa.viva.org

Viva Network Europe, PO Box 633, Oxford, UK, OX2 0XZ t: +44(0)1865 320100 f: +44(0)1865 320101 Website: www.viva.org

3

3

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sept ’06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Community, Conventions and the Bible Dave Scott explores some of the interactions of theology, community and the frameworks that attempt to protect children’s rights

Bridging the gaps between children and society

The role of community in the life of the child Family, friends, church and the local community are responsible for creating an environment that promotes children’s well-being. (Extract from Statement 3 of the Understanding God’s Heart Biblical Framework) ULTIMATELY, STATEMENT three is about community.

The idea of community lies in between the biological connections of family identified in statement two (looked at in the previous issue of Restore) and the institutional and governmental structures discussed in statement four (and in the next issue). The statement describes the theological importance of the web of social connections – the other relationships that make human development possible. Especially for the child at risk, the community often represents their last hope, if family and government have failed to protect and ensure their rights.

However, the community is not given significant attention when rights are discussed. Rather, most discussion about the provision and protection of children’s rights seems to centre around the relative importance of parents’ vs. children’s rights, and whether it is parents or states that hold the primary responsibility for ensuring any child’s right in particular. This makes sense, since the rights laid out at an international level can only cover that which can be legislated practically: community relations are too flexibly defined to be legislated about. The law can reach more or less into the confines of family relations or government-provided services. But it is quite difficult, if not impossible, for a government to make laws over informal relationships when people are interacting in such an unstructured environment as the local “community”. Yet, a supportive community is

4

Godhead – three persons who interact, serve, and care for each other because they are part of the same entity. If we want to know the kind of community God is calling us to emulate, we need to look at the obedience and servanthood of the Son, the compassion and love of the Father, and the diligence and power of the Spirit.

Photo Credit: Network of Children at Risk Bangladesh, Dec 2004)

crucially important to the healthy development of any child. This is precisely why a Christian engagement in protecting the rights of children is so important.

The ideal community As Christians, we can look at the patterns of community described in the New Testament accounts of the early church and recognize the mutual care that has the power to cut across family lines in order to focus resources where they are needed most. In Acts 7 we see this remarkable community organizing themselves on behalf of the widows in their midst as just one recorded example of the power of community-based intervention. In this passage we can clearly see that one of the remarkable strengths of community in working with children is, in contrast to both families and governments, the speed and adaptability with which the community can be mobilized to respond – a feature which we might also recognize in our work now. (It is worth noting that James would have been unlikely to say that caring for orphans was part of the essence of “true religion” if his church family were not already engaged in that ministry as well (James 1:27).)

However, if we try to look for Biblical models of an ideal community we stop too soon if we look only at the early church, or even at the Nation of Israel.

Rather, God’s ideal of community is modeled in the

Therefore, this statement of the Understanding God’s Heart Biblical framework can help explain our reasons for, and encourage our involvement with children. It provides the theological rationale for our attempts to bridge the gaps between children at risk and their parents and the state that alienate them from the rest of society and our attempts to restore them to a healthier place within the community.

What is perhaps especially interesting is that these interventions to bridge the gaps between children and society often show the relative importance each culture places on the themes of parenting, family/ community, and society (points 2,3 and 4 of the framework society respectively – see the complete biblical framework at www.viva.org/restore). For example, individualistic western societies most often respond to the needs of children who have lost their parents by working through government structures (statement 4: a societal response) to place them with foster parents (statement 2: a parenting response).

In such situations, we need prophetic voices to remind us to engage in the lives of children who are not our biological children, but who live in the same communities with us (statement three: a community response).

In contrast, the famous proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child,” reminds us that some African societies, for example, tend to place a stronger emphasis on the role of community. This is exemplified by a Rwandan friend who responded to the needs of three young children in his community (statement three) who were orphaned by the genocide by adopting them into his own family (statement two). Perhaps even more true to an African cultural perspective are the

community-based care responses to many families of children who have been orphaned due to AIDS that are currently flowering throughout Africa.

In these situations, the community (often represented by the church) is the agent of compassion for children who, rather than being taken to an orphanage or group-care setting, are provided social support in order to continue living in their family home. When these models of care have been studied they have been found to be significantly preferable over other models of care for orphans and vulnerable children (see Craig Greenfield’s article on Organizations Care – Communities Care in this issue). In addition, these models of care represent a remarkable demonstration of the unity of the trinity of the Godhead in the community of humans.

The Challenge Statement 3, when taken in the context of the Biblical framework as a whole, challenges those of us in ministry to think about and act in two related areas. First, as we plan and carry out our ministries, we need to work with families, communities and governments to evaluate the relative responsibilities of each towards children at risk. Second, we should see the value of reaching beyond the community to both family and government in support and/or advocacy as appropriate. By incorporating these challenges within our work, we can be part of significant improvements in the lives of the children we serve.

For consideration: • In your work with children, how do you decide how much emphasis to place on relations with the family, the community and the government?

• What factors might lead to a change in emphasis for you?

Dave Scott has been working with Viva Network for 8 years. He is currently a PhD student and Adjunct Instructor of children at risk studies with the School of Intercultural Studies at Fuller Theological Seminary.

5

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sept ’06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Community, Conventions and the Bible Dave Scott explores some of the interactions of theology, community and the frameworks that attempt to protect children’s rights

Bridging the gaps between children and society

The role of community in the life of the child Family, friends, church and the local community are responsible for creating an environment that promotes children’s well-being. (Extract from Statement 3 of the Understanding God’s Heart Biblical Framework) ULTIMATELY, STATEMENT three is about community.

The idea of community lies in between the biological connections of family identified in statement two (looked at in the previous issue of Restore) and the institutional and governmental structures discussed in statement four (and in the next issue). The statement describes the theological importance of the web of social connections – the other relationships that make human development possible. Especially for the child at risk, the community often represents their last hope, if family and government have failed to protect and ensure their rights.

However, the community is not given significant attention when rights are discussed. Rather, most discussion about the provision and protection of children’s rights seems to centre around the relative importance of parents’ vs. children’s rights, and whether it is parents or states that hold the primary responsibility for ensuring any child’s right in particular. This makes sense, since the rights laid out at an international level can only cover that which can be legislated practically: community relations are too flexibly defined to be legislated about. The law can reach more or less into the confines of family relations or government-provided services. But it is quite difficult, if not impossible, for a government to make laws over informal relationships when people are interacting in such an unstructured environment as the local “community”. Yet, a supportive community is

4

Godhead – three persons who interact, serve, and care for each other because they are part of the same entity. If we want to know the kind of community God is calling us to emulate, we need to look at the obedience and servanthood of the Son, the compassion and love of the Father, and the diligence and power of the Spirit.

Photo Credit: Network of Children at Risk Bangladesh, Dec 2004)

crucially important to the healthy development of any child. This is precisely why a Christian engagement in protecting the rights of children is so important.

The ideal community As Christians, we can look at the patterns of community described in the New Testament accounts of the early church and recognize the mutual care that has the power to cut across family lines in order to focus resources where they are needed most. In Acts 7 we see this remarkable community organizing themselves on behalf of the widows in their midst as just one recorded example of the power of community-based intervention. In this passage we can clearly see that one of the remarkable strengths of community in working with children is, in contrast to both families and governments, the speed and adaptability with which the community can be mobilized to respond – a feature which we might also recognize in our work now. (It is worth noting that James would have been unlikely to say that caring for orphans was part of the essence of “true religion” if his church family were not already engaged in that ministry as well (James 1:27).)

However, if we try to look for Biblical models of an ideal community we stop too soon if we look only at the early church, or even at the Nation of Israel.

Rather, God’s ideal of community is modeled in the

Therefore, this statement of the Understanding God’s Heart Biblical framework can help explain our reasons for, and encourage our involvement with children. It provides the theological rationale for our attempts to bridge the gaps between children at risk and their parents and the state that alienate them from the rest of society and our attempts to restore them to a healthier place within the community.

What is perhaps especially interesting is that these interventions to bridge the gaps between children and society often show the relative importance each culture places on the themes of parenting, family/ community, and society (points 2,3 and 4 of the framework society respectively – see the complete biblical framework at www.viva.org/restore). For example, individualistic western societies most often respond to the needs of children who have lost their parents by working through government structures (statement 4: a societal response) to place them with foster parents (statement 2: a parenting response).

In such situations, we need prophetic voices to remind us to engage in the lives of children who are not our biological children, but who live in the same communities with us (statement three: a community response).

In contrast, the famous proverb, “it takes a village to raise a child,” reminds us that some African societies, for example, tend to place a stronger emphasis on the role of community. This is exemplified by a Rwandan friend who responded to the needs of three young children in his community (statement three) who were orphaned by the genocide by adopting them into his own family (statement two). Perhaps even more true to an African cultural perspective are the

community-based care responses to many families of children who have been orphaned due to AIDS that are currently flowering throughout Africa.

In these situations, the community (often represented by the church) is the agent of compassion for children who, rather than being taken to an orphanage or group-care setting, are provided social support in order to continue living in their family home. When these models of care have been studied they have been found to be significantly preferable over other models of care for orphans and vulnerable children (see Craig Greenfield’s article on Organizations Care – Communities Care in this issue). In addition, these models of care represent a remarkable demonstration of the unity of the trinity of the Godhead in the community of humans.

The Challenge Statement 3, when taken in the context of the Biblical framework as a whole, challenges those of us in ministry to think about and act in two related areas. First, as we plan and carry out our ministries, we need to work with families, communities and governments to evaluate the relative responsibilities of each towards children at risk. Second, we should see the value of reaching beyond the community to both family and government in support and/or advocacy as appropriate. By incorporating these challenges within our work, we can be part of significant improvements in the lives of the children we serve.

For consideration: • In your work with children, how do you decide how much emphasis to place on relations with the family, the community and the government?

• What factors might lead to a change in emphasis for you?

Dave Scott has been working with Viva Network for 8 years. He is currently a PhD student and Adjunct Instructor of children at risk studies with the School of Intercultural Studies at Fuller Theological Seminary.

5

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

Kids Bible Study:

TOOLKIT

Blessings in Family and Community An adult lead group activity for children aged 8-13

Materials

• large sheets of paper (or small ones taped together) • pens or pencils

Objective:

To know that God wants us to experience his care through families and communities

Subjective: A sense that God thinks families and communities are a good thing

Scripture: Psalm 128 1. Get the children to sit in groups of 3-6 around a large piece of apaper with pens. Ask them to draw pictures or write words which describe good things God gives us.

2. If you have one group, ask them to describe what they are writing or drawing. If you have a few groups, get them to show their poster to the others, saying what each thing is and why they think God gave it to us.

3. Ask each group to draw circles around any people on their posters. If they don’t have any, encourage them to think of some to add.

4. Say that the Bible calls the good things God gives us ‘blessings’. Together find Psalm 128 in a children-friendly Bible. Encourage volunteers to take it in turns to read a sentence each. Be sensitive to those who might find this difficult or embarrassing.

TOOLKIT

5. Ask the children what God promises to people who respect and obey him. Help them look again at the verses to find the answers.

Challenge them to compare the blessings listed in the Psalm with those on their posters. Are there some of the same things? Get them to add onto their posters pictures of the good things mentioned in the Psalm. Again, invite them to draw rings around blessings which are people.

6. Explain that this Psalm was written with adults in mind, which is why it talks about ‘your wife’.

Ask the children what they think this Psalm tells us about what God thinks of families and the place of caring for children. Be sensitive to those who may not have experienced the families or care that God intended.

7. Encourage them that God gave us families and people around us in community to show us his care. Sometimes this doesn’t work out as God planned it to. Ask the children why this is sometimes so. However, he is always looking to bring us friends who will care for us as he does – and for us to be friends to those who need care.

8. Have everyone spend a few quiet moments thanking God for the people who care for them.

9. Give the children some time to turn their posters into praise posters, writing simple prayers, such as ‘Thank you, God’ next to the pictures of people who care for them. You may want to extend this activity into making cards of thanks to some of those people. The children could pick one adult who God has put in their life to bless them, or to do good things for them. They

6

Issue 3 Sept ’06

should make a card thanking this person for their care. You could encourage the children to use some of the words in the Psalm in or on the front of their card.

10. For more active children, you could do a role play activity. Get the children into pairs or the small groups they started in. Invite them to act out the sort of things the people that God gives do for us. For instance, they might cook us food. It might help to have one child be the adult and one the child in the role play.

Emphasise that God wants to give us good things and bless us. Be aware of some of the dysfunctional aspects of adult/child relationships which may emerge. Avoid these where you can by encouraging the children to imagine what God would plan. They might even enjoy pretending to be God planning good things for people.

11. As an optional extra activity, ask the children to think about the ways they could be blessings to the people in their family or community. This could include practical things like helping others with housework or errands, as well as spending time with people who are ill or lonely – even simple things like a smile! Ask each child to think of one person they would like to bless in the week ahead and then pray together about these people.

Victoria Warwick is Childrens’ Editor for Scripture Union. She has worked with children for 17 years, including children living in three continents. She currently commissions and edits Splash! and Xstream, part of Scripture Union’s Light range of materials.

More details at www.scriptureunion.org.uk/light

7

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

Kids Bible Study:

TOOLKIT

Blessings in Family and Community An adult lead group activity for children aged 8-13

Materials

• large sheets of paper (or small ones taped together) • pens or pencils

Objective:

To know that God wants us to experience his care through families and communities

Subjective: A sense that God thinks families and communities are a good thing

Scripture: Psalm 128 1. Get the children to sit in groups of 3-6 around a large piece of apaper with pens. Ask them to draw pictures or write words which describe good things God gives us.

2. If you have one group, ask them to describe what they are writing or drawing. If you have a few groups, get them to show their poster to the others, saying what each thing is and why they think God gave it to us.

3. Ask each group to draw circles around any people on their posters. If they don’t have any, encourage them to think of some to add.

4. Say that the Bible calls the good things God gives us ‘blessings’. Together find Psalm 128 in a children-friendly Bible. Encourage volunteers to take it in turns to read a sentence each. Be sensitive to those who might find this difficult or embarrassing.

TOOLKIT

5. Ask the children what God promises to people who respect and obey him. Help them look again at the verses to find the answers.

Challenge them to compare the blessings listed in the Psalm with those on their posters. Are there some of the same things? Get them to add onto their posters pictures of the good things mentioned in the Psalm. Again, invite them to draw rings around blessings which are people.

6. Explain that this Psalm was written with adults in mind, which is why it talks about ‘your wife’.

Ask the children what they think this Psalm tells us about what God thinks of families and the place of caring for children. Be sensitive to those who may not have experienced the families or care that God intended.

7. Encourage them that God gave us families and people around us in community to show us his care. Sometimes this doesn’t work out as God planned it to. Ask the children why this is sometimes so. However, he is always looking to bring us friends who will care for us as he does – and for us to be friends to those who need care.

8. Have everyone spend a few quiet moments thanking God for the people who care for them.

9. Give the children some time to turn their posters into praise posters, writing simple prayers, such as ‘Thank you, God’ next to the pictures of people who care for them. You may want to extend this activity into making cards of thanks to some of those people. The children could pick one adult who God has put in their life to bless them, or to do good things for them. They

6

Issue 3 Sept ’06

should make a card thanking this person for their care. You could encourage the children to use some of the words in the Psalm in or on the front of their card.

10. For more active children, you could do a role play activity. Get the children into pairs or the small groups they started in. Invite them to act out the sort of things the people that God gives do for us. For instance, they might cook us food. It might help to have one child be the adult and one the child in the role play.

Emphasise that God wants to give us good things and bless us. Be aware of some of the dysfunctional aspects of adult/child relationships which may emerge. Avoid these where you can by encouraging the children to imagine what God would plan. They might even enjoy pretending to be God planning good things for people.

11. As an optional extra activity, ask the children to think about the ways they could be blessings to the people in their family or community. This could include practical things like helping others with housework or errands, as well as spending time with people who are ill or lonely – even simple things like a smile! Ask each child to think of one person they would like to bless in the week ahead and then pray together about these people.

Victoria Warwick is Childrens’ Editor for Scripture Union. She has worked with children for 17 years, including children living in three continents. She currently commissions and edits Splash! and Xstream, part of Scripture Union’s Light range of materials.

More details at www.scriptureunion.org.uk/light

7

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

TOOLKIT

Welcoming Children includes Mentoring Leaders of Good Character This paper is derived from The Role of the NonGovernmental Organization practitioner in Facilitating Servant Leadership Development in Children for Trinity Western University 2006. The lessons in the toolkit below are derived from Becoming a Child Servant Leader: A Hands-On Curriculum for NGO Practitioners both by Darla Marie Faulkner.

Introduction: THIS TOOLKIT contains some guidelines on mentoring children in their decision-making and two group activities: first to help children recognise that they influence other children around them and second to help children choose to influence based on decisions of good character. This in turn helps them understand how they can be a positive influence on their family or community.

Given the significance God places on the child in Scripture, it is evident that people working with children are called to invest in their lives and allow them to play a central role in God’s work. The NGO practitioner has the awesome task to help build a better, more God-honouring world, by investing in the moral and spiritual character of future leaders to develop servant leadership in children.

The NGO practitioner’s role is that of a mentor: providing guidance, support and encouragement to help children discern their gifts and succeed in life. The mentor also shares knowledge, trains in skills, and encourages the growth of character, integrity, maturity and sound judgement.

8

TOOLKIT

TOOLKIT

Issue 3 Sept ’06

2 lessons to help your children lead in their own peer groups

The lessons and activities are designed to be used with small groups of 8-10 children for ages 10-15.

PART 1: Who is a Leader?

Photo Credit: Network of Children at Risk Bangladesh, 2006)

Four things children need from their mentors: 1. Formal instruction. Children must hear adults verbally explain values to understand what to believe or practice. Effective instruction takes into consideration the child’s learning style, personality and developmental level.

2. Behavioural modelling. Setting an example allows children to see what they should do a necessary step before we can expect them to follow.

3. Experiential learning.

Nothing stimulates learning more than experience. Servant leadership principles must be translated into real-life experiences for children.

4. Assessing progress. Mentors must help children evaluate all experiences by reflecting on what was successful and areas where improvement is needed. The key is to spend frequent regular personal time specifically for the child so that: a) your input is considered normal and not intimidating and b) children learn that taking time out for reflection is a valuable process.

The following toolkit is not about ‘positional’ leadership, but enabling children to take good decisions and explain them to their peers.

Purpose • To define a leader and describe how everyone can lead on many occasions.

Materials • Whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper and the appropriate writing tools (dry erase pens, chalk or markers).

Procedure 1. Gather the children into a semi-circle facing the whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper.

2. Begin with introductions, e.g. by playing the “Nickname Name Game” (10 minutes).

Everyone introduces themselves to the group but adds to their name a nickname that starts with the same letter as their first name (e.g., Comical Colin, Delightful Darla). Every child must repeat the names and nicknames of everyone who has gone before them, in the order that they have been said; adding their name and nickname to the end of the list.

The instructor may choose to go last, in order to memorize the names of everyone in the group.

come up with a definition of a leader and write this definition at the bottom of their responses (10-15 minutes). As you will need this list and definition for Lesson 2, ensure that you write it down after class.

5. Now, divide the group into pairs and have each child share with his or her partner about a time when he or she was a leader. In order to facilitate this conversation, write the following questions on the board: • Tell your partner about a time when you were a leader.

• What did you do that made you a leader?

• Do you feel that you were a good leader or a bad leader? Why?

3. After the introductions, introduce the lesson: In today’s class we will be learning about leadership and how everyone in this room is a leader. we First, we must define what a leader is.

Please note: when doing this exercise with younger children or when a child in the class feels as though he or she has never been a leader, help stimulate the conversation by providing examples of leadership i.e., have you ever been the captain of a sports team, have you taught your friends to play a new game? If the child still cannot think of examples, encourage them to answer the above questions regarding a leader in their own lives. The key is to have the children talking about what a leader is, what a leader does and to apply it to their own lives.

This exercise should take approximately 5 minutes.

After two and a half minutes, ask the children who are sharing to switch with their partners, so that each child has the opportunity to share.

4. Ask the children: What is a leader? Have the children brainstorm ideas of what a leader is. Write their answers on the whiteboard.

Based on their responses, help the children

6. After the five minutes are over, ask the children to come back to their seats. Appoint two of the groups to share their leadership stories and experiences with the larger group

9

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

TOOLKIT

Welcoming Children includes Mentoring Leaders of Good Character This paper is derived from The Role of the NonGovernmental Organization practitioner in Facilitating Servant Leadership Development in Children for Trinity Western University 2006. The lessons in the toolkit below are derived from Becoming a Child Servant Leader: A Hands-On Curriculum for NGO Practitioners both by Darla Marie Faulkner.

Introduction: THIS TOOLKIT contains some guidelines on mentoring children in their decision-making and two group activities: first to help children recognise that they influence other children around them and second to help children choose to influence based on decisions of good character. This in turn helps them understand how they can be a positive influence on their family or community.

Given the significance God places on the child in Scripture, it is evident that people working with children are called to invest in their lives and allow them to play a central role in God’s work. The NGO practitioner has the awesome task to help build a better, more God-honouring world, by investing in the moral and spiritual character of future leaders to develop servant leadership in children.

The NGO practitioner’s role is that of a mentor: providing guidance, support and encouragement to help children discern their gifts and succeed in life. The mentor also shares knowledge, trains in skills, and encourages the growth of character, integrity, maturity and sound judgement.

8

TOOLKIT

TOOLKIT

Issue 3 Sept ’06

2 lessons to help your children lead in their own peer groups

The lessons and activities are designed to be used with small groups of 8-10 children for ages 10-15.

PART 1: Who is a Leader?

Photo Credit: Network of Children at Risk Bangladesh, 2006)

Four things children need from their mentors: 1. Formal instruction. Children must hear adults verbally explain values to understand what to believe or practice. Effective instruction takes into consideration the child’s learning style, personality and developmental level.

2. Behavioural modelling. Setting an example allows children to see what they should do a necessary step before we can expect them to follow.

3. Experiential learning.

Nothing stimulates learning more than experience. Servant leadership principles must be translated into real-life experiences for children.

4. Assessing progress. Mentors must help children evaluate all experiences by reflecting on what was successful and areas where improvement is needed. The key is to spend frequent regular personal time specifically for the child so that: a) your input is considered normal and not intimidating and b) children learn that taking time out for reflection is a valuable process.

The following toolkit is not about ‘positional’ leadership, but enabling children to take good decisions and explain them to their peers.

Purpose • To define a leader and describe how everyone can lead on many occasions.

Materials • Whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper and the appropriate writing tools (dry erase pens, chalk or markers).

Procedure 1. Gather the children into a semi-circle facing the whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper.

2. Begin with introductions, e.g. by playing the “Nickname Name Game” (10 minutes).

Everyone introduces themselves to the group but adds to their name a nickname that starts with the same letter as their first name (e.g., Comical Colin, Delightful Darla). Every child must repeat the names and nicknames of everyone who has gone before them, in the order that they have been said; adding their name and nickname to the end of the list.

The instructor may choose to go last, in order to memorize the names of everyone in the group.

come up with a definition of a leader and write this definition at the bottom of their responses (10-15 minutes). As you will need this list and definition for Lesson 2, ensure that you write it down after class.

5. Now, divide the group into pairs and have each child share with his or her partner about a time when he or she was a leader. In order to facilitate this conversation, write the following questions on the board: • Tell your partner about a time when you were a leader.

• What did you do that made you a leader?

• Do you feel that you were a good leader or a bad leader? Why?

3. After the introductions, introduce the lesson: In today’s class we will be learning about leadership and how everyone in this room is a leader. we First, we must define what a leader is.

Please note: when doing this exercise with younger children or when a child in the class feels as though he or she has never been a leader, help stimulate the conversation by providing examples of leadership i.e., have you ever been the captain of a sports team, have you taught your friends to play a new game? If the child still cannot think of examples, encourage them to answer the above questions regarding a leader in their own lives. The key is to have the children talking about what a leader is, what a leader does and to apply it to their own lives.

This exercise should take approximately 5 minutes.

After two and a half minutes, ask the children who are sharing to switch with their partners, so that each child has the opportunity to share.

4. Ask the children: What is a leader? Have the children brainstorm ideas of what a leader is. Write their answers on the whiteboard.

Based on their responses, help the children

6. After the five minutes are over, ask the children to come back to their seats. Appoint two of the groups to share their leadership stories and experiences with the larger group

9

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

(5 minutes). Please note: children will, most likely, come up with more traditional forms of leadership i.e., positional leadership. In order for the children to see themselves as leaders, they must be able to understand that leadership is not about position. Help the children think outside of the box! Say: Thank you for sharing, those were really good examples of leadership. But do you believe that a person needs to have a position, like be a teacher, coach or team captain, to be a leader? To answer that question we are now going to play the Stand Up Game.

7. The Stand Up Game (10 minutes) – Ask all of the children to stand up then give the following instructions (change these as necessary to suit your circumstances): • Sit down if you have never raised your hand to answer a question • Sit down if you have never told your brother, sister or a friend what to do

PART 2: If you lead, you need to be a Person of Good Character Purpose • To define good character and bad character • To identify the advantages of a leader being a person of good character Materials and Pre-Class Preparation • Whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper and the appropriate writing tools.

• Post or re-write the list of ideas and definitions of good and bad leaders (from lesson 1 & 2) near • your writing space for today.

• Copy and cut out character scenario cards and put them in a hat or bucket.

Procedure 1. Gather the children to sit in a semi-circle facing the whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper.

2. Review the last lesson and introduce today’s (5 minutes): Raise your hand if you remember

10

TOOLKIT

• Sit down if you have never invited a friend over to your house • Sit down if you have never worked with someone on a group project The assumption is that every child should still be standing! When playing this game with younger children or in a different cultural context, ask leadership questions that will enable the children to continue to stand.

8. Conclude the game by saying: All of these are examples of when you have been a leader. Every decision you make requires you to be a leader even though you may only be leading yourself. Just because you are not the teacher or the captain of the soccer team, you are still all leaders.

9. Conclude the class by quickly reviewing the lesson material. Answer any questions that the children might have.

what we talked about last class. Who can tell me what makes a good/bad leader? Today we are going to talk about character.

3. As you define good/bad character for the children, write your definitions on the whiteboard so that the children can refer to it throughout the class (you will also need this list for next class). Say: Someone with good character is honest (tells the truth), loves other people (is polite, kind, accepting), works hard, loyal, fair, and responsible (does not blame others for their mistakes). If this is someone with good character, can you describe what someone with bad character might be like? Write the children’s responses on the board (10 minutes).

4. Draw the children’s attention to their list of good/bad leaders from last session. Ask: What items on the list show a person of bad character? What items on the list show a person a good character? Write their responses beside the characteristics on the list. Ask: Do you notice which leader has good character? A good leader has good character!

TOOLKIT

Issue 3 Sept ’06

This exercise should take approximately 5 minutes. To learn more about our character and how it determines what kind of leader we will be, I have come up with some roleplay scenarios.

5. Divide the children into pairs and have one member from each team, pull a scenario from the hat (see attached scenario cards).

Give the children 10 minutes to plan their skits, then gather the group together and have everyone act them out. After each team has finished their skit allow the audience to guess what characteristics (honesty, dishonesty) were being acted out and ask questions such as:

a) Why do you think that character acted the way he or she did? b) Why do you think we often act the same way in similar situations? c) How might this character trait affect our leadership or if we are dishonest? will people want to follow us? Why do people want to follow a leader who tells the truth?

6. Conclude this session by saying: We saw in our role playing exercises that people want to follow leaders who have good character.

We also noticed that a person’s character affects their leadership. If they have bad character, they will make bad decisions and no one will want to follow them.

Character Scenario Cards (Part 2) You were at home alone with your little brother, when you accidentally broke your mother’s favourite tea pot.

Your mother comes home and asks you if it was you or your brother who broke it. Act out the conversation between you and your mother, showing how you would take responsibility for breaking the tea pot.

Your best friend asks you to come over after school and help clean her room and you said yes. Later, on the same day, one of the popular kids asks you to hang out after school. Act out the conversation between you and your best friend showing how you would choose to be loyal to them.

Your class is having a big exam on Wednesday. You know that if you do not get a good mark for this exam, you will get a bad mark on your report card. The student who sits next to you in class is very good at exams.

Act out what you would do to get a good mark on the test if you were honest.

One of your classmates is being mean to you because you do not wear name brand clothes.

Act this out by showing how you would react to them by being unkind.

You cannot find your favourite toy. You remember lending it to your friend and so you ask them to give it back. Your friend tells you that they gave it back to you last week, but you do not remember this. Act out this conversation showing how you would treat them unfairly.

A teacher asks you and your friend to clean up the mess you made in the classroom.

Act out how you and your friend would be lazy in the way you clean the classroom.

Darla Marie Faulkner is currently studying for a Masters degree in Leadership - Non-Governmental Organization at Trinity Western University, BC, Canada. She has also studied Early Childhood Education and Special Needs Education. Darla has been the director of a non-profit child care facility in Canada, and also of a children’s home in Zambia, working with children who were infected/affected by the HIV/AIDS virus.

11

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

(5 minutes). Please note: children will, most likely, come up with more traditional forms of leadership i.e., positional leadership. In order for the children to see themselves as leaders, they must be able to understand that leadership is not about position. Help the children think outside of the box! Say: Thank you for sharing, those were really good examples of leadership. But do you believe that a person needs to have a position, like be a teacher, coach or team captain, to be a leader? To answer that question we are now going to play the Stand Up Game.

7. The Stand Up Game (10 minutes) – Ask all of the children to stand up then give the following instructions (change these as necessary to suit your circumstances): • Sit down if you have never raised your hand to answer a question • Sit down if you have never told your brother, sister or a friend what to do

PART 2: If you lead, you need to be a Person of Good Character Purpose • To define good character and bad character • To identify the advantages of a leader being a person of good character Materials and Pre-Class Preparation • Whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper and the appropriate writing tools.

• Post or re-write the list of ideas and definitions of good and bad leaders (from lesson 1 & 2) near • your writing space for today.

• Copy and cut out character scenario cards and put them in a hat or bucket.

Procedure 1. Gather the children to sit in a semi-circle facing the whiteboard, chalkboard or chart paper.

2. Review the last lesson and introduce today’s (5 minutes): Raise your hand if you remember

10

TOOLKIT

• Sit down if you have never invited a friend over to your house • Sit down if you have never worked with someone on a group project The assumption is that every child should still be standing! When playing this game with younger children or in a different cultural context, ask leadership questions that will enable the children to continue to stand.

8. Conclude the game by saying: All of these are examples of when you have been a leader. Every decision you make requires you to be a leader even though you may only be leading yourself. Just because you are not the teacher or the captain of the soccer team, you are still all leaders.

9. Conclude the class by quickly reviewing the lesson material. Answer any questions that the children might have.

what we talked about last class. Who can tell me what makes a good/bad leader? Today we are going to talk about character.

3. As you define good/bad character for the children, write your definitions on the whiteboard so that the children can refer to it throughout the class (you will also need this list for next class). Say: Someone with good character is honest (tells the truth), loves other people (is polite, kind, accepting), works hard, loyal, fair, and responsible (does not blame others for their mistakes). If this is someone with good character, can you describe what someone with bad character might be like? Write the children’s responses on the board (10 minutes).

4. Draw the children’s attention to their list of good/bad leaders from last session. Ask: What items on the list show a person of bad character? What items on the list show a person a good character? Write their responses beside the characteristics on the list. Ask: Do you notice which leader has good character? A good leader has good character!

TOOLKIT

Issue 3 Sept ’06

This exercise should take approximately 5 minutes. To learn more about our character and how it determines what kind of leader we will be, I have come up with some roleplay scenarios.

5. Divide the children into pairs and have one member from each team, pull a scenario from the hat (see attached scenario cards).

Give the children 10 minutes to plan their skits, then gather the group together and have everyone act them out. After each team has finished their skit allow the audience to guess what characteristics (honesty, dishonesty) were being acted out and ask questions such as:

a) Why do you think that character acted the way he or she did? b) Why do you think we often act the same way in similar situations? c) How might this character trait affect our leadership or if we are dishonest? will people want to follow us? Why do people want to follow a leader who tells the truth?

6. Conclude this session by saying: We saw in our role playing exercises that people want to follow leaders who have good character.

We also noticed that a person’s character affects their leadership. If they have bad character, they will make bad decisions and no one will want to follow them.

Character Scenario Cards (Part 2) You were at home alone with your little brother, when you accidentally broke your mother’s favourite tea pot.

Your mother comes home and asks you if it was you or your brother who broke it. Act out the conversation between you and your mother, showing how you would take responsibility for breaking the tea pot.

Your best friend asks you to come over after school and help clean her room and you said yes. Later, on the same day, one of the popular kids asks you to hang out after school. Act out the conversation between you and your best friend showing how you would choose to be loyal to them.

Your class is having a big exam on Wednesday. You know that if you do not get a good mark for this exam, you will get a bad mark on your report card. The student who sits next to you in class is very good at exams.

Act out what you would do to get a good mark on the test if you were honest.

One of your classmates is being mean to you because you do not wear name brand clothes.

Act this out by showing how you would react to them by being unkind.

You cannot find your favourite toy. You remember lending it to your friend and so you ask them to give it back. Your friend tells you that they gave it back to you last week, but you do not remember this. Act out this conversation showing how you would treat them unfairly.

A teacher asks you and your friend to clean up the mess you made in the classroom.

Act out how you and your friend would be lazy in the way you clean the classroom.

Darla Marie Faulkner is currently studying for a Masters degree in Leadership - Non-Governmental Organization at Trinity Western University, BC, Canada. She has also studied Early Childhood Education and Special Needs Education. Darla has been the director of a non-profit child care facility in Canada, and also of a children’s home in Zambia, working with children who were infected/affected by the HIV/AIDS virus.

11

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

TOOLKIT

Be excited ...

TOOLKIT

-

about things children are excited about!

Simple games such as ludo, snakes and ladders etc. Again, if there isn’t enough money to buy the game, we can draw it ourselves - even directly onto hard ground or a clay floor. You could draw a giant game of snakes and ladders on an asphalted place using chalk and let the kids be the tokens that are moving around.

-

Memory games. For example, make paired cards by drawing or pasting the same pictures onto pairs of small cards. Use identical pairs of pictures to make 8-20 pairs of cards. Play the game by putting the cards down at random on a table with the pictures face down. Take turns to lift up two cards. If they are the same you can keep them, if they are different you have to put them back in the same places. This is a great way to train the memory power of the brain and great fun at the same time.

-

Another game is to place a variety of objects on a tray, let the children look for 10 seconds (or less for older children) then cover the tray.

Remove one object so nobody can see then show the tray again and ask the children to name the missing object.

Issue 3 Sept ’06

to sit down. The ‘detective’ tries to guess who the ‘murderer’ is.

-

The children pass a little ball or stone from hand to hand in the circle trying to prevent one child in the middle from identifying which child has the ball. The child who has the ball when it is found will be the next child in the middle.

-

Fruit salad: Put chairs, shoes or pieces of clothing to mark places in the circle – with one place fewer than the number of children. One child is in the middle. Give each child the name of a fruit, using 4 to 5 different fruits.

Then, for example, call out bananas change places with apples or mangoes with oranges. If you call fruit salad everybody has to change place. The person standing in the middle has to find a place while the others are changing.

Please note: Barbara Ruegger of King’s Kids International shares some ideas on playing – a key part of children’s wellbeing and a way we can enjoy celebrating with them who they are.

How can we help children to be children?

RECENTLY WE were running a children’s camp in a city in Delhi. Many of those coming were from the ministry that we run for children who spend most of their days in the streets. We traveled by bus past the airport and the kids saw, many of them for the first time, airplanes from close by, taking off and landing.

The boys especially, got very excited about it and one of them grabbed my head and turned it around so that I could see the plane better. Thankfully, even after many hours spent on planes, I can still get excited about planes too. So together we enjoyed watching the planes coming and going.

We have to learn again to get excited about small things, things that children are excited about and enjoy these together with them. Playing and children go together. We often don’t see playtime as productive time, but it is the time when children learn many things, e.g. by doing role-plays, learning about relationships and learning new skills.

12

Photo Credit: Barbara Ruegger, King’s Kids International, June 2006)

Here are some helpful toys: -

Little kitchen cooking set. Staff members, please play along and “drink and eat” the pretend food.

-

Puzzles with different degrees of difficulty. I bought the very simple ones with cut out animal and car shapes to replace in equivalent holes. I thought that these might be too simple for our 8 to 10 year old kids from the streets.

But for many of them that was just the level of difficulty they were able to handle. At first children will need a lot of encouragement and some help to stay at it, but after some time they will play on their own initiative. After that and for more advanced children we can give puzzles with more and more pieces. If we cannot buy puzzles, we can make our own very cheaplyueither drawing or sticking a picture on cardboard or a piece of plywood and cut that into pieces.

-

Often we expect children to take care of toys on their own but they have never been trained to do so. Very soon they will lose new toys or parts of them (a puzzle with missing pieces is only half as much fun as a whole one), if we don’t help them to store them properly. We need to provide bags or boxes to store the toys after use. It is also a good idea to designate the area where toys can be used and where they cannot. Finding the missing pieces will be much easier that way!

-

As staff and leaders, familiarize yourselves with the toys and games before giving them to the children so that you are of real help to them and can enjoy the time playing together.

A games checklist: Children enjoy games anytime and anywhere. It is good to have a list of games ready that need no preparation and no equipment to play it. If there is spare time to play, take your list out, check it and have some fun. Below are some ideas for simple circle games: -

With the kids standing in a circle, one child is chosen to be the cat and the other mouse. The cat tries to catch the mouse, but the kids standing in the circle will help the mouse by letting her pass through but not the cat.

-

The leader chooses a child to be ‘detective’.

This child must close his or her eyes or leave the room. The leader then chooses a child to be the ‘murderer’ who sits in the circle with all the other children. The children stand in a circle: when the murderer blinks at someone they have

Barbara Rüegger has been working with YWAM for the past 10 years - since 1999 as the Coordinator of King’s Kids in South Asia. She works with the different Children at Risk ministries YWAM has in South Asia including training staff and doing member care as well as hands on with different ministries to children in South Asia.

13

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

TOOLKIT

Be excited ...

TOOLKIT

-

about things children are excited about!

Simple games such as ludo, snakes and ladders etc. Again, if there isn’t enough money to buy the game, we can draw it ourselves - even directly onto hard ground or a clay floor. You could draw a giant game of snakes and ladders on an asphalted place using chalk and let the kids be the tokens that are moving around.

-

Memory games. For example, make paired cards by drawing or pasting the same pictures onto pairs of small cards. Use identical pairs of pictures to make 8-20 pairs of cards. Play the game by putting the cards down at random on a table with the pictures face down. Take turns to lift up two cards. If they are the same you can keep them, if they are different you have to put them back in the same places. This is a great way to train the memory power of the brain and great fun at the same time.

-

Another game is to place a variety of objects on a tray, let the children look for 10 seconds (or less for older children) then cover the tray.

Remove one object so nobody can see then show the tray again and ask the children to name the missing object.

Issue 3 Sept ’06

to sit down. The ‘detective’ tries to guess who the ‘murderer’ is.

-

The children pass a little ball or stone from hand to hand in the circle trying to prevent one child in the middle from identifying which child has the ball. The child who has the ball when it is found will be the next child in the middle.

-

Fruit salad: Put chairs, shoes or pieces of clothing to mark places in the circle – with one place fewer than the number of children. One child is in the middle. Give each child the name of a fruit, using 4 to 5 different fruits.

Then, for example, call out bananas change places with apples or mangoes with oranges. If you call fruit salad everybody has to change place. The person standing in the middle has to find a place while the others are changing.

Please note: Barbara Ruegger of King’s Kids International shares some ideas on playing – a key part of children’s wellbeing and a way we can enjoy celebrating with them who they are.

How can we help children to be children?

RECENTLY WE were running a children’s camp in a city in Delhi. Many of those coming were from the ministry that we run for children who spend most of their days in the streets. We traveled by bus past the airport and the kids saw, many of them for the first time, airplanes from close by, taking off and landing.

The boys especially, got very excited about it and one of them grabbed my head and turned it around so that I could see the plane better. Thankfully, even after many hours spent on planes, I can still get excited about planes too. So together we enjoyed watching the planes coming and going.

We have to learn again to get excited about small things, things that children are excited about and enjoy these together with them. Playing and children go together. We often don’t see playtime as productive time, but it is the time when children learn many things, e.g. by doing role-plays, learning about relationships and learning new skills.

12

Photo Credit: Barbara Ruegger, King’s Kids International, June 2006)

Here are some helpful toys: -

Little kitchen cooking set. Staff members, please play along and “drink and eat” the pretend food.

-

Puzzles with different degrees of difficulty. I bought the very simple ones with cut out animal and car shapes to replace in equivalent holes. I thought that these might be too simple for our 8 to 10 year old kids from the streets.

But for many of them that was just the level of difficulty they were able to handle. At first children will need a lot of encouragement and some help to stay at it, but after some time they will play on their own initiative. After that and for more advanced children we can give puzzles with more and more pieces. If we cannot buy puzzles, we can make our own very cheaplyueither drawing or sticking a picture on cardboard or a piece of plywood and cut that into pieces.

-

Often we expect children to take care of toys on their own but they have never been trained to do so. Very soon they will lose new toys or parts of them (a puzzle with missing pieces is only half as much fun as a whole one), if we don’t help them to store them properly. We need to provide bags or boxes to store the toys after use. It is also a good idea to designate the area where toys can be used and where they cannot. Finding the missing pieces will be much easier that way!

-

As staff and leaders, familiarize yourselves with the toys and games before giving them to the children so that you are of real help to them and can enjoy the time playing together.

A games checklist: Children enjoy games anytime and anywhere. It is good to have a list of games ready that need no preparation and no equipment to play it. If there is spare time to play, take your list out, check it and have some fun. Below are some ideas for simple circle games: -

With the kids standing in a circle, one child is chosen to be the cat and the other mouse. The cat tries to catch the mouse, but the kids standing in the circle will help the mouse by letting her pass through but not the cat.

-

The leader chooses a child to be ‘detective’.

This child must close his or her eyes or leave the room. The leader then chooses a child to be the ‘murderer’ who sits in the circle with all the other children. The children stand in a circle: when the murderer blinks at someone they have

Barbara Rüegger has been working with YWAM for the past 10 years - since 1999 as the Coordinator of King’s Kids in South Asia. She works with the different Children at Risk ministries YWAM has in South Asia including training staff and doing member care as well as hands on with different ministries to children in South Asia.

13

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

The Keeping Children

Safe

T O O L K IT

TOOLKIT

4. The toolkit deals with difficult issues such as spiritual concerns and the subject of disability.

A taster

The Keeping Children Safe coalition has produced a complete package for people working in child protection across the world at local, national and international levels. The initiative offers practical help to reach agreed standards. RESTORE interviews Jenni Kornell, Viva Network’s Topical Forums’ Coordinator to find out more about this valuable new resource for those in child care.

Who is this toolkit aimed at?

THE KEEPING Children Safe toolkit is aimed at those working in NGOs, INGOs and for individual projects to use with their own staff: all those working with children in any capacity.

Why is this toolkit needed now – aren’t there already lots of resources on child protection?

Yes, there are some great resources to help organisations write child protection policies but none this comprehensive. The Keeping Children Safe coalition is a consortium of 10 organisations, each inputting their experience and knowledge. In addition, there is a significant focus on cultural practices so that users can customise the toolkit to their own situation so it can be used very widely.

Many organisations are not addressing child protection adequately partly because there is not enough understanding of why it is so important whenever we work with children.

What excites you most about this toolkit?

The fact that all the material is in one place and there’s a really practical training guide All the power point presentations are already included in a CD but also printed in the pack so they can be photocopied if that is preferred. The toolkit focuses on the best quality of care for children, which is what we should be aiming for. It links

14

TOOLKIT

to international standards such as the Millennium Development Goals and Convention on the Rights of the Child.

The greatest strength is the self-audit tool which can be carried out in the privacy of your own office.

It is then easy to work out how to address these in your own programme by doing the core lessons for all staff. Later, the different topical areas can be looked at with other organisations, for example, within the context of network training.

There are lots of great ideas for different ways to communicate the ideas. Teaching methods are active learning methods such as quizzes and flipchart games. People can be energized by different learning styles and you don’t need to be an expert.

5. There are good and timely guidelines for organisations working with children in crisis situations. Any organisation could be faced with a crisis like the tsunami: thinking through in advance what is needed can make a big difference to affected children and communities.

Issue 3 Sept ’06 The Self Audit Tool: an extract The extract from the self audit tool below is included because it indicates the range of areas covered in the toolkit and the areas that an organisation needs to cover to keep children safe. However, to get a realistic picture of how your organisation is meeting these standards, it is important to use the whole self audit tool – adapting it to local circumstances as necessary.

The self audit tool uses checkpoints for each of six different areas of an organisation.

For each statement, tick: A if the action in the statement is in place B if the action in the statement is partially done C if the action in the statement is not in place.

Children and the organisation 1.

4.

The agency is very clear about its responsibility to protect children and makes this known to all who come into contact with it.

Managers and senior staff ensure that children are listened to and consulted and that their rights are met.

A

B

C

A

B

C

A

B

C

A

B

C

B

C

Policies and procedures that help keep children safe 1.

6.

The agency has a written child protection policy or has some clear arrangements to make sure that children are kept safe from harm.

The child protection procedures also take account of local circumstances.

Implementation and training 2.

5.

Child protection must be applied in ways that are culturally sensitive but without condoning acts that are harmful to children.

All members of staff and other representatives are provided with opportunities to learn about how to recognise and respond to concerns about child abuse.

Information and communication

Are there any other key features to tell us about?

1. The toolkit goes through things slowly enough that there is an opportunity to share with other workers, which is potentially empowering.

2. There are fantastic case studies in each section to get different people talking about the issues involved and to learn from what people are doing in other places.

3. The toolkit is well laid out and documented.

With the trainer’s notes at the end of Tool 3, trainers will be able to answer most key questions that people will have.

2.

4.

Everyone in the organisation knows which named staff member has special responsibilities for keeping children safe and how to contact them.

Children are provided with information on where to go to for help and advice in relation to abuse, harassment and bullying.

Monitoring and review 2.

3.

Steps are taken to regularly ask children and parents/carers their views on policies and practices aimed at keeping children safe and the effectiveness of these. A The organisation uses the experience of operating child protection to influence policy and practice development.

The extract from the Self Audit Tool above is copyright © Save the Children UK 2006 and used here with kind permission. The complete Keeping Children Safe toolkit can be downloaded from www.keepingchildrensafe. org.uk. Alternatively, hard copies can be requested from publications@keepingchildrensafe.org.uk

15

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

The Keeping Children

Safe

T O O L K IT

TOOLKIT

4. The toolkit deals with difficult issues such as spiritual concerns and the subject of disability.

A taster

The Keeping Children Safe coalition has produced a complete package for people working in child protection across the world at local, national and international levels. The initiative offers practical help to reach agreed standards. RESTORE interviews Jenni Kornell, Viva Network’s Topical Forums’ Coordinator to find out more about this valuable new resource for those in child care.

Who is this toolkit aimed at?

THE KEEPING Children Safe toolkit is aimed at those working in NGOs, INGOs and for individual projects to use with their own staff: all those working with children in any capacity.

Why is this toolkit needed now – aren’t there already lots of resources on child protection?

Yes, there are some great resources to help organisations write child protection policies but none this comprehensive. The Keeping Children Safe coalition is a consortium of 10 organisations, each inputting their experience and knowledge. In addition, there is a significant focus on cultural practices so that users can customise the toolkit to their own situation so it can be used very widely.

Many organisations are not addressing child protection adequately partly because there is not enough understanding of why it is so important whenever we work with children.

What excites you most about this toolkit?

The fact that all the material is in one place and there’s a really practical training guide All the power point presentations are already included in a CD but also printed in the pack so they can be photocopied if that is preferred. The toolkit focuses on the best quality of care for children, which is what we should be aiming for. It links

14

TOOLKIT

to international standards such as the Millennium Development Goals and Convention on the Rights of the Child.

The greatest strength is the self-audit tool which can be carried out in the privacy of your own office.

It is then easy to work out how to address these in your own programme by doing the core lessons for all staff. Later, the different topical areas can be looked at with other organisations, for example, within the context of network training.

There are lots of great ideas for different ways to communicate the ideas. Teaching methods are active learning methods such as quizzes and flipchart games. People can be energized by different learning styles and you don’t need to be an expert.

5. There are good and timely guidelines for organisations working with children in crisis situations. Any organisation could be faced with a crisis like the tsunami: thinking through in advance what is needed can make a big difference to affected children and communities.

Issue 3 Sept ’06 The Self Audit Tool: an extract The extract from the self audit tool below is included because it indicates the range of areas covered in the toolkit and the areas that an organisation needs to cover to keep children safe. However, to get a realistic picture of how your organisation is meeting these standards, it is important to use the whole self audit tool – adapting it to local circumstances as necessary.

The self audit tool uses checkpoints for each of six different areas of an organisation.

For each statement, tick: A if the action in the statement is in place B if the action in the statement is partially done C if the action in the statement is not in place.

Children and the organisation 1.

4.

The agency is very clear about its responsibility to protect children and makes this known to all who come into contact with it.

Managers and senior staff ensure that children are listened to and consulted and that their rights are met.

A

B

C

A

B

C

A

B

C

A

B

C

B

C

Policies and procedures that help keep children safe 1.

6.

The agency has a written child protection policy or has some clear arrangements to make sure that children are kept safe from harm.

The child protection procedures also take account of local circumstances.

Implementation and training 2.

5.

Child protection must be applied in ways that are culturally sensitive but without condoning acts that are harmful to children.

All members of staff and other representatives are provided with opportunities to learn about how to recognise and respond to concerns about child abuse.

Information and communication

Are there any other key features to tell us about?

1. The toolkit goes through things slowly enough that there is an opportunity to share with other workers, which is potentially empowering.

2. There are fantastic case studies in each section to get different people talking about the issues involved and to learn from what people are doing in other places.

3. The toolkit is well laid out and documented.

With the trainer’s notes at the end of Tool 3, trainers will be able to answer most key questions that people will have.

2.

4.

Everyone in the organisation knows which named staff member has special responsibilities for keeping children safe and how to contact them.

Children are provided with information on where to go to for help and advice in relation to abuse, harassment and bullying.

Monitoring and review 2.

3.

Steps are taken to regularly ask children and parents/carers their views on policies and practices aimed at keeping children safe and the effectiveness of these. A The organisation uses the experience of operating child protection to influence policy and practice development.

The extract from the Self Audit Tool above is copyright © Save the Children UK 2006 and used here with kind permission. The complete Keeping Children Safe toolkit can be downloaded from www.keepingchildrensafe. org.uk. Alternatively, hard copies can be requested from publications@keepingchildrensafe.org.uk

15

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Communities Care – Organisations Care How NGOs can optimise their work for children separated from their parents Photo Credit: CarNet Nepal, Dec 2004)

Whether because of a natural disaster, the impact of HIV/ AIDS, war or many other reasons, some countries are facing an increase in the number of children without parents. Here, Craig Greenfield explains some advantages of communitybased care to the child and the community and gives some recommendations for organizations to strategically meet the needs of these children within their communities.

Why community based care?

“CHILDREN WITH living parents and extended family should not be accepted into residential care except in cases of abuse” (UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Article 9). There is no ideal solution to the problem of orphanhood, only better or worse alternatives. In Cambodia, after decades of war and societal breakdown, communities have responded to the AIDS crisis with tremendous resilience. They have absorbed thousands of orphans into the extended family and informal community systems.

Whilst this spares these children from the problems of institutional care, it is clear that when poor families take in orphans, all children in the household suffer to some extent as household spending is redistributed among a larger number of children. Yet it is in this context that organizations can have the most effective and sustainable impact on the lives of children and communities through community-based care.

Advantages to the child – commitment and identity Community-based care for orphans means care for children by those other than biological parents but who are able to provide individual care and nurture in the context of a family and community.

1 Foster,

Advantages of the community care model are that: ✤ The child is kept in the network of people who have ties to the biological parents ✤ The child grows up in a family environment close to the original community ✤ Relatives generally feel more duty and responsibility than unrelated people to provide good quality care and nurturing to the child ✤ Relatives are likely to make a long term commitment to the wellbeing of the child It relieves the burden on the rest of society Of course, sometimes the extended family no longer exists or is unable to provide for orphans. Some children do slip through the cracks and end up in a variety of vulnerable situations. These children require special attention and support from NGOs to help them develop and thrive. Foster parents, teenager headed households and other creative solutions may form the basis of a community-based solution for these children who for one reason or another are unable to stay with extended family. However, this potential problem should not be over emphasised: these children make up only around 2% to 3% of the total number of orphans, even in very high HIV prevalence countries.1

G. (2004) Safety nets for children affected by HIV/AIDS in Southern Africa. In Pharoah, R. (ed) A Generation at Risk? HIV/AIDS, Vulnerable Children and Security in Southern Africa. Monograph: SA

16

Advantages to the community: capacity building and sustainability Community-based care aims to build the capacity of a community to face future difficulties and so increases long-term sustainability. The capacity of the community can be strengthened over time by their participation in solving their own problems.

For example, the simple process of talking with parents and extended families about the variety of options for the future care of their orphaned children can help them to identify resources and support networks they had not thought of before. A study in Zimbabwe found that programs to keep children with the community, surrounded by leaders and peers they know and love, are less costly, both in terms of finance and the emotional cost to the child. In many instances, admission to placement could be avoided by targeting vulnerable families in advance, to provide financial assistance, such as school fees, to parents or relatives.2 In addition, neighbours and local organizations such as churches often make a real contribution by helping struggling families with child minding, advice and other contributions. This is less likely for the child in institutional care. In Cambodia, a visit by community-based care program staff to a family will invariably see the neighbours crowding in the doorway to participate in the conversation – they often end up becoming part of the solution!

How can organizations contribute to community-based care?

Recommendations on Community Development 1. Building Community Networks and Relationships A wide variety of relationships between child, family, community, organization or institution and between agencies form the basis of successful community-based care for the child.

However, in most cases, the family members and communities underestimate the importance of their own relationships in the lives of their children. Often, they are aware only that their own efforts to meet the physical and educational needs of their children seem inadequate. The NGO can play a crucial role in helping the family to see that they are indispensable. Relationships take time and no development practitioner should expect to solve complex problems in one meeting, but relationships are worth taking time over: child development and community development can only take place in the context of relationship. Even an NGO with no previous community networks can establish these over time. However this relationship building needs a strong commitment and will take greater time and resources than just providing a service.

2. Recognising the Importance of Networking The best care programs for orphans and vulnerable children are integrated with a much wider community development program, recognising that the needs of orphans cannot be separated from the needs of their family and community.

This allows and encourages practitioners to take a more holistic approach to the care of the orphan, their family and community. The implication is not that every NGO wishing to work with orphans must tackle every social problem, but rather that NGOs should network and partner together in order to face the huge number challenges that developing world communities grapple with.

Networking also allows organizations to share insight and learning from their combined total of many years of community development practice.

2 Powell, G.M., S. Morreira, C. Rudd, and P.P. Ngonyama. (1994) Child Welfare Policy and Practice in Zimbabwe.

Study of the Department of Pediatrics of the University of Zimbabwe and the Zimbabwe Department of Social Welfare.

Harare: UNICEF Zimbabwe.

17

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Communities Care – Organisations Care How NGOs can optimise their work for children separated from their parents Photo Credit: CarNet Nepal, Dec 2004)

Whether because of a natural disaster, the impact of HIV/ AIDS, war or many other reasons, some countries are facing an increase in the number of children without parents. Here, Craig Greenfield explains some advantages of communitybased care to the child and the community and gives some recommendations for organizations to strategically meet the needs of these children within their communities.

Why community based care?

“CHILDREN WITH living parents and extended family should not be accepted into residential care except in cases of abuse” (UN Convention on the Rights of the Child Article 9). There is no ideal solution to the problem of orphanhood, only better or worse alternatives. In Cambodia, after decades of war and societal breakdown, communities have responded to the AIDS crisis with tremendous resilience. They have absorbed thousands of orphans into the extended family and informal community systems.

Whilst this spares these children from the problems of institutional care, it is clear that when poor families take in orphans, all children in the household suffer to some extent as household spending is redistributed among a larger number of children. Yet it is in this context that organizations can have the most effective and sustainable impact on the lives of children and communities through community-based care.

Advantages to the child – commitment and identity Community-based care for orphans means care for children by those other than biological parents but who are able to provide individual care and nurture in the context of a family and community.

1 Foster,

Advantages of the community care model are that: ✤ The child is kept in the network of people who have ties to the biological parents ✤ The child grows up in a family environment close to the original community ✤ Relatives generally feel more duty and responsibility than unrelated people to provide good quality care and nurturing to the child ✤ Relatives are likely to make a long term commitment to the wellbeing of the child It relieves the burden on the rest of society Of course, sometimes the extended family no longer exists or is unable to provide for orphans. Some children do slip through the cracks and end up in a variety of vulnerable situations. These children require special attention and support from NGOs to help them develop and thrive. Foster parents, teenager headed households and other creative solutions may form the basis of a community-based solution for these children who for one reason or another are unable to stay with extended family. However, this potential problem should not be over emphasised: these children make up only around 2% to 3% of the total number of orphans, even in very high HIV prevalence countries.1

G. (2004) Safety nets for children affected by HIV/AIDS in Southern Africa. In Pharoah, R. (ed) A Generation at Risk? HIV/AIDS, Vulnerable Children and Security in Southern Africa. Monograph: SA

16

Advantages to the community: capacity building and sustainability Community-based care aims to build the capacity of a community to face future difficulties and so increases long-term sustainability. The capacity of the community can be strengthened over time by their participation in solving their own problems.

For example, the simple process of talking with parents and extended families about the variety of options for the future care of their orphaned children can help them to identify resources and support networks they had not thought of before. A study in Zimbabwe found that programs to keep children with the community, surrounded by leaders and peers they know and love, are less costly, both in terms of finance and the emotional cost to the child. In many instances, admission to placement could be avoided by targeting vulnerable families in advance, to provide financial assistance, such as school fees, to parents or relatives.2 In addition, neighbours and local organizations such as churches often make a real contribution by helping struggling families with child minding, advice and other contributions. This is less likely for the child in institutional care. In Cambodia, a visit by community-based care program staff to a family will invariably see the neighbours crowding in the doorway to participate in the conversation – they often end up becoming part of the solution!

How can organizations contribute to community-based care?

Recommendations on Community Development 1. Building Community Networks and Relationships A wide variety of relationships between child, family, community, organization or institution and between agencies form the basis of successful community-based care for the child.

However, in most cases, the family members and communities underestimate the importance of their own relationships in the lives of their children. Often, they are aware only that their own efforts to meet the physical and educational needs of their children seem inadequate. The NGO can play a crucial role in helping the family to see that they are indispensable. Relationships take time and no development practitioner should expect to solve complex problems in one meeting, but relationships are worth taking time over: child development and community development can only take place in the context of relationship. Even an NGO with no previous community networks can establish these over time. However this relationship building needs a strong commitment and will take greater time and resources than just providing a service.

2. Recognising the Importance of Networking The best care programs for orphans and vulnerable children are integrated with a much wider community development program, recognising that the needs of orphans cannot be separated from the needs of their family and community.

This allows and encourages practitioners to take a more holistic approach to the care of the orphan, their family and community. The implication is not that every NGO wishing to work with orphans must tackle every social problem, but rather that NGOs should network and partner together in order to face the huge number challenges that developing world communities grapple with.

Networking also allows organizations to share insight and learning from their combined total of many years of community development practice.

2 Powell, G.M., S. Morreira, C. Rudd, and P.P. Ngonyama. (1994) Child Welfare Policy and Practice in Zimbabwe.

Study of the Department of Pediatrics of the University of Zimbabwe and the Zimbabwe Department of Social Welfare.

Harare: UNICEF Zimbabwe.

17

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Recommendations on Meeting Orphans’ Needs 1. Balancing Physical Needs with Development Principles Emphasis is usually placed on the physical needs of children (rather than spiritual, mental, emotional and social) by both residential care and community-based care practitioners, who may look at the immediate issue only, such as disability or homelessness. However, meeting physical needs is not the greatest challenge.

The greatest challenge is meeting these physical needs in a way that doesn’t undermine the attainment of other needs. Clearly it is possible to meet physical needs in a variety of settings and in a variety of ways, but it is important to use development principles such as empowerment, participation and the importance of avoiding dependency. These are all helpful in determining how to best meet the whole needs of a child.

2. Control and Creativity On the other hand, community-based care projects should work to maintain the quality and efficiency of their response to the physical needs of the child. Much is made of this difficulty, but it can also be viewed as an impetus towards creativity and a challenge to engage with the entire community. A wise development practitioner can play an important role in influencing the knowledge, attitudes and values of a community, as well as helping them to increase their resource base.

3. Poverty and Income Generation In reality, most children who are admitted to a residential care facility are there because of poverty. This is unacceptable because essential family and community connections are broken.

The financial resources saved by taking a community-based approach can be used to combat poverty in the community and in particular build capacity amongst families caring

18

for orphans. As mentioned above, this will take time. There are no quick fixes.

4. Meeting Educational Needs in the Community As with the physical needs of the child, it is not a question of placing enough emphasis on the educational needs of the children, but rather meeting these needs in a sustainable, empowering, and developmentally sound way.

The public education system can be supplemented with extra educational and vocational training opportunities, for example art and dance classes, English and computer training. This need not be done in a residential care facility but can also be run in the community with greater participation of community members, perhaps as volunteer teachers.

5. Meeting other Psychosocial Needs Orphans have psychosocial needs beyond the need to grieve and deal with the loss of their parents.

Needs such as regular interaction with an interested and nurturing adult can be partially met through big brother/big sister programs but are only truly and adequately met with a “parent substitute” in a loving and nurturing family environment. A greater understanding is needed of the importance of family and community in children’s lives, not just in order to meet the psychosocial needs of the orphans, but also to strengthen the coping capacity of the community itself.

Despite the shift of emphasis that may be needed, organizations can most strategically help children at risk through working together on community-based care in a variety of creative approaches.

Craig Greenfield is the International Coordinator of Servants to Asia’s Urban Poor (www. servantsasia.org). Together with his wife Nay, they founded Project HALO, a ministry of Servants, in an urban slum in Cambodia which reaches over 800 children affected by AIDS.

WELLBEING IN CRISIS Part A

Reflecting on the

impact of the 2004 Tsunami

Tri Budiardjo reflects on the impact of the tsunami from a Biblical perspective and the perspective of some of the children whose lives were affected.

Wellbeing depends on family and community TRUE IS the saying that “it takes a village to raise a child.” Although each individual child is unique, no child is an island. A child needs a family and a community for his/her optimal growth and development. Eric Bronfenbrenner coined the concept of “the ecological approach to (child) development.” Family, friends, church and the local community are all responsible for creating an environment that promotes children’s well-being.

The Bible strongly indicates that children are to be raised in a family and community context. Genesis 1:28 is the first verse in the Bible that speaks of the importance of micro-environment for a child.

The family institution is blessed by the Lord and entrusted with the presence of children. Care giving such as that is so important that God declares that he himself is the Father of the fatherless (Ps 68:6-7) and his agenda for the orphans is that they should be protected and cared for (Ps 82:1-4). His vision is for children to flourish in a community that is safe and fit1 for children (Zac 8:5) where children run and play in the city’s parks and streets.

Destruction of the family’s capacity to provide wellbeing Natural disasters destroy these ideals and aspirations.

Before the tsunami, the Acehnese life could be

characterized by religion, fishing and football. Not only have care givers and duty bearers lost their capacity to provide nurturing care and protection but in some cases they are forced to make harmful decisions against their will. For example, one family with 3 teenage children in Banda Aceh was shocked by the unusual noise as water approached their village.

This family had only one motor cycle to escape on.

In one spilt second they had to decide who would ride on the motorcycle and who would be left to run: the alternative was that all might die. With no time to think, they all jumped for the motorcycle leaving the youngest child behind, tossed here and there by the water about 10 meters away from the motor cycle speeding away with 4 people on it. A few days later the youngest child was found alive, wounded. Water and mud had to be pumped out of his nose and lungs.

Physically, he recovered remarkably well. But what about his emotional wound of abandonment and betrayal – sacrificed by his own family that should have given him care and protection?

Like so many others, this family could not perform their duty due to disaster and crisis. Any crisis will reduce the capacity of care givers and duty bearers, sometimes to the absolute minimum. A mother, who has lost her husband, sits with an empty look at a refugee camp with her two young children – it is a common sight in many refugee camps of tsunami affected communities. Such a mother has lost her capacity to carry out her responsibility as a care giver. If the care givers can’t provide, what wellbeing can the children experience?

1 The

Outcome Document of UNGASSOC (UN General Assembly Special Session on Children, May 2002) is title A World Fit for Children.

19

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Recommendations on Meeting Orphans’ Needs 1. Balancing Physical Needs with Development Principles Emphasis is usually placed on the physical needs of children (rather than spiritual, mental, emotional and social) by both residential care and community-based care practitioners, who may look at the immediate issue only, such as disability or homelessness. However, meeting physical needs is not the greatest challenge.

The greatest challenge is meeting these physical needs in a way that doesn’t undermine the attainment of other needs. Clearly it is possible to meet physical needs in a variety of settings and in a variety of ways, but it is important to use development principles such as empowerment, participation and the importance of avoiding dependency. These are all helpful in determining how to best meet the whole needs of a child.

2. Control and Creativity On the other hand, community-based care projects should work to maintain the quality and efficiency of their response to the physical needs of the child. Much is made of this difficulty, but it can also be viewed as an impetus towards creativity and a challenge to engage with the entire community. A wise development practitioner can play an important role in influencing the knowledge, attitudes and values of a community, as well as helping them to increase their resource base.

3. Poverty and Income Generation In reality, most children who are admitted to a residential care facility are there because of poverty. This is unacceptable because essential family and community connections are broken.

The financial resources saved by taking a community-based approach can be used to combat poverty in the community and in particular build capacity amongst families caring

18

for orphans. As mentioned above, this will take time. There are no quick fixes.

4. Meeting Educational Needs in the Community As with the physical needs of the child, it is not a question of placing enough emphasis on the educational needs of the children, but rather meeting these needs in a sustainable, empowering, and developmentally sound way.

The public education system can be supplemented with extra educational and vocational training opportunities, for example art and dance classes, English and computer training. This need not be done in a residential care facility but can also be run in the community with greater participation of community members, perhaps as volunteer teachers.

5. Meeting other Psychosocial Needs Orphans have psychosocial needs beyond the need to grieve and deal with the loss of their parents.

Needs such as regular interaction with an interested and nurturing adult can be partially met through big brother/big sister programs but are only truly and adequately met with a “parent substitute” in a loving and nurturing family environment. A greater understanding is needed of the importance of family and community in children’s lives, not just in order to meet the psychosocial needs of the orphans, but also to strengthen the coping capacity of the community itself.

Despite the shift of emphasis that may be needed, organizations can most strategically help children at risk through working together on community-based care in a variety of creative approaches.

Craig Greenfield is the International Coordinator of Servants to Asia’s Urban Poor (www. servantsasia.org). Together with his wife Nay, they founded Project HALO, a ministry of Servants, in an urban slum in Cambodia which reaches over 800 children affected by AIDS.

WELLBEING IN CRISIS Part A

Reflecting on the

impact of the 2004 Tsunami

Tri Budiardjo reflects on the impact of the tsunami from a Biblical perspective and the perspective of some of the children whose lives were affected.

Wellbeing depends on family and community TRUE IS the saying that “it takes a village to raise a child.” Although each individual child is unique, no child is an island. A child needs a family and a community for his/her optimal growth and development. Eric Bronfenbrenner coined the concept of “the ecological approach to (child) development.” Family, friends, church and the local community are all responsible for creating an environment that promotes children’s well-being.

The Bible strongly indicates that children are to be raised in a family and community context. Genesis 1:28 is the first verse in the Bible that speaks of the importance of micro-environment for a child.

The family institution is blessed by the Lord and entrusted with the presence of children. Care giving such as that is so important that God declares that he himself is the Father of the fatherless (Ps 68:6-7) and his agenda for the orphans is that they should be protected and cared for (Ps 82:1-4). His vision is for children to flourish in a community that is safe and fit1 for children (Zac 8:5) where children run and play in the city’s parks and streets.

Destruction of the family’s capacity to provide wellbeing Natural disasters destroy these ideals and aspirations.

Before the tsunami, the Acehnese life could be

characterized by religion, fishing and football. Not only have care givers and duty bearers lost their capacity to provide nurturing care and protection but in some cases they are forced to make harmful decisions against their will. For example, one family with 3 teenage children in Banda Aceh was shocked by the unusual noise as water approached their village.

This family had only one motor cycle to escape on.

In one spilt second they had to decide who would ride on the motorcycle and who would be left to run: the alternative was that all might die. With no time to think, they all jumped for the motorcycle leaving the youngest child behind, tossed here and there by the water about 10 meters away from the motor cycle speeding away with 4 people on it. A few days later the youngest child was found alive, wounded. Water and mud had to be pumped out of his nose and lungs.

Physically, he recovered remarkably well. But what about his emotional wound of abandonment and betrayal – sacrificed by his own family that should have given him care and protection?

Like so many others, this family could not perform their duty due to disaster and crisis. Any crisis will reduce the capacity of care givers and duty bearers, sometimes to the absolute minimum. A mother, who has lost her husband, sits with an empty look at a refugee camp with her two young children – it is a common sight in many refugee camps of tsunami affected communities. Such a mother has lost her capacity to carry out her responsibility as a care giver. If the care givers can’t provide, what wellbeing can the children experience?

1 The

Outcome Document of UNGASSOC (UN General Assembly Special Session on Children, May 2002) is title A World Fit for Children.

19

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

Children with a single parent or none at all are commonly found in refugee camps or barracks, though usually living with relatives. We thank God for the strong extended family ties in Aceh which means that children separated from parents are better off than many children in other disaster situations. But the meaning and experience of being with extended families in camps is diverse. There are children who feel that the refugee camps give them a secure environment. However, others with their extended family experience discrimination from relatives over their own children. In some cases children were treated as strangers within their family circles and gifts from charity organizations such as toys, etc, were taken by relatives to be given to their own children.

In the worst cases, a barrack or temporary shelter can be a very harmful or even abusive environment for children. Such children need access to special counselling to cope as any sense of wellbeing is further eroded.

Hope from the midst of disaster The stories of two children show that children can recover a sense of wellbeing if there are people around who can listen and care.

Rusli’s story Five months after the tsunami a children’s worker saw a child around 10 years old playing at the beach by himself. He was playing with a skull. When he was approached and asked what was he doing, he did not reply but gave the worker a blank look.

Clearly, the fact that he was playing with a skull is very abnormal.

Not far from there another, older child was mending fishing nets. The children’s worker approached him and asked him what he was doing. Immediately conversation started. The child told his story. “I was the only child left alive after the tsunami. My father, mother and siblings died. It’s the same with that

2 The

20

motto of Aceh reconstruction

TOOLKIT

other child. He was alone. We are alone.” He then continued, “thank you very much that you are willing to sit by me and talk to me.” The children’s worker then said, “Why don’t you come over to my place.

There will be a lot of friends and activities to do.” The older boy suddenly wept. The children’s worker wept; then even the boy playing with the skull wept. The most valuable things to these children are friends, company, someone who cares.

Yuni’s story Yuni, a 9 year old girl, led a children’s worker to her hut. She said that this had been her home before the tsunami. Now it had all gone, including five of seven of her siblings and her mother. Her father refused to till the land again and spent his days in the barrack. She missed the times when her father farmed and she helped him out. She had lost her routine besides her family and so much else. Then Yuni enthusiastically ran from her hut to the activity centre nearby. She wanted to join in the competitions held to commemorate the Independence Day. She competed with other girls to eat bananas with hands cuffed. She won over 5 other challengers. She then competed on eating crackers with hands cuffed too.

She won the 3rd place in the game. She finished feeling very happy, cheerful and fulfilled: being with others for fun activities had helped her cope through another day.

For children in disaster situations, wellbeing is broken and the happiness of the past is lost. To “build back better”2 environment is the challenge of Christian child-focused ministries.

Tri Budiardjo has worked with World Vision and the Christian Children’s fund. He currently serves with Jaringan Peduli Anak Bangsa, a network of over 450 ministries to children in especially difficult circumstances in Indonesia. Married to Leonora and has three grown up sons.

TOOLKIT

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

WELLBEING IN CRISIS Part B

Lessons

from the 2004 Tsunami

Janice Go-Soco gives some ideas about how the challenge of building back better can be met.

FOR ALL children, a large part of this challenge can be met through relationship building – talking about fishing and the ocean; playing football; sharing photographs. Many children are keen to understand more about how to protect themselves from illness.

The next part is helping restore the routine that has been destroyed: fishing, religion, farming, sports.

Where old activities are not possible, new ones must be thought up, for example recycling tyres, collecting neem leaves for fodder etc.

There are also some specific wellbeing issues according to different age groups.

Age 16 – 18 Many children of this age have already become parents. They need awareness that early marriage requires good preparation mentally and financially.

Psychosocial activities are very important for them.

To build self esteem and responsible attitudes, they need opportunities to participate in community planning and to be appreciated by the community in other ways.

Age 13- 15 Teenagers may need extra supervision and more guidance for their life. Positive activities, such as group sports help to develop a constructive approach to dealing with the trauma of disaster. Some of these teenagers had already dropped out of education or other engagement with society. They are even more vulnerable to drug abuse and criminal activities.

Skills training for these teenagers in particular will help them out of poverty.

Age 6 – 12 Children need to continue with their primary school education, which helps restore normality and helps provide a sense of identity and purpose. Family and community need to support the child’s daily life of school, sports, recreation and religious activity with their own community.

Age 0 to 5 They need their birth registration prepared, so that in future their rights to education and health and other benefits of citizenship can be fulfilled. A general health check to assess physical and mental health is important with appropriate medical care or counseling intervention to deal promptly with any problems. Good health also depends on efficient distribution of medicine and nutritious food. Early childhood education is an important step to the next level of primary school as well as providing normal activities for this age group.

Providing for these varied needs is not easy for either individuals or organizations, whether in the community or from outside. Inevitably the damage to infrastructure causes problems, and it is natural to panic in response to the huge needs. This is where advance planning to identify and categorize needs – and how to respond with a limited range of resources – can be so valuable. Further planning can be made in finding out information before a disaster strikes.

Useful information would include who is doing what, their areas of expertise and what resources they have and how to access help from others. Working with others before a disaster would then help with co-ordination with other organizations and the community itself.

The good news is that, with help, children can be amazingly resilient in the face of disaster if given sufficient opportunities for positive diversion, education and meaningful normal activities. Children who are having fun are much less worried. Sadly, the reality in Aceh is that there is not always enough education and activities for the fun to be greater than the worries. Transforming their ashes of sorrow into oil of gladness will be a lifelong challenge for the children of Aceh as for the other children affected by the tsunami.

Janice Go-Soco says that she’s ‘into Urban Ministry & serving people who the Lord cares for’. She served in Aceh following the tsunami.

21

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

Children with a single parent or none at all are commonly found in refugee camps or barracks, though usually living with relatives. We thank God for the strong extended family ties in Aceh which means that children separated from parents are better off than many children in other disaster situations. But the meaning and experience of being with extended families in camps is diverse. There are children who feel that the refugee camps give them a secure environment. However, others with their extended family experience discrimination from relatives over their own children. In some cases children were treated as strangers within their family circles and gifts from charity organizations such as toys, etc, were taken by relatives to be given to their own children.

In the worst cases, a barrack or temporary shelter can be a very harmful or even abusive environment for children. Such children need access to special counselling to cope as any sense of wellbeing is further eroded.

Hope from the midst of disaster The stories of two children show that children can recover a sense of wellbeing if there are people around who can listen and care.

Rusli’s story Five months after the tsunami a children’s worker saw a child around 10 years old playing at the beach by himself. He was playing with a skull. When he was approached and asked what was he doing, he did not reply but gave the worker a blank look.

Clearly, the fact that he was playing with a skull is very abnormal.

Not far from there another, older child was mending fishing nets. The children’s worker approached him and asked him what he was doing. Immediately conversation started. The child told his story. “I was the only child left alive after the tsunami. My father, mother and siblings died. It’s the same with that

2 The

20

motto of Aceh reconstruction

TOOLKIT

other child. He was alone. We are alone.” He then continued, “thank you very much that you are willing to sit by me and talk to me.” The children’s worker then said, “Why don’t you come over to my place.

There will be a lot of friends and activities to do.” The older boy suddenly wept. The children’s worker wept; then even the boy playing with the skull wept. The most valuable things to these children are friends, company, someone who cares.

Yuni’s story Yuni, a 9 year old girl, led a children’s worker to her hut. She said that this had been her home before the tsunami. Now it had all gone, including five of seven of her siblings and her mother. Her father refused to till the land again and spent his days in the barrack. She missed the times when her father farmed and she helped him out. She had lost her routine besides her family and so much else. Then Yuni enthusiastically ran from her hut to the activity centre nearby. She wanted to join in the competitions held to commemorate the Independence Day. She competed with other girls to eat bananas with hands cuffed. She won over 5 other challengers. She then competed on eating crackers with hands cuffed too.

She won the 3rd place in the game. She finished feeling very happy, cheerful and fulfilled: being with others for fun activities had helped her cope through another day.

For children in disaster situations, wellbeing is broken and the happiness of the past is lost. To “build back better”2 environment is the challenge of Christian child-focused ministries.

Tri Budiardjo has worked with World Vision and the Christian Children’s fund. He currently serves with Jaringan Peduli Anak Bangsa, a network of over 450 ministries to children in especially difficult circumstances in Indonesia. Married to Leonora and has three grown up sons.

TOOLKIT

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

WELLBEING IN CRISIS Part B

Lessons

from the 2004 Tsunami

Janice Go-Soco gives some ideas about how the challenge of building back better can be met.

FOR ALL children, a large part of this challenge can be met through relationship building – talking about fishing and the ocean; playing football; sharing photographs. Many children are keen to understand more about how to protect themselves from illness.

The next part is helping restore the routine that has been destroyed: fishing, religion, farming, sports.

Where old activities are not possible, new ones must be thought up, for example recycling tyres, collecting neem leaves for fodder etc.

There are also some specific wellbeing issues according to different age groups.

Age 16 – 18 Many children of this age have already become parents. They need awareness that early marriage requires good preparation mentally and financially.

Psychosocial activities are very important for them.

To build self esteem and responsible attitudes, they need opportunities to participate in community planning and to be appreciated by the community in other ways.

Age 13- 15 Teenagers may need extra supervision and more guidance for their life. Positive activities, such as group sports help to develop a constructive approach to dealing with the trauma of disaster. Some of these teenagers had already dropped out of education or other engagement with society. They are even more vulnerable to drug abuse and criminal activities.

Skills training for these teenagers in particular will help them out of poverty.

Age 6 – 12 Children need to continue with their primary school education, which helps restore normality and helps provide a sense of identity and purpose. Family and community need to support the child’s daily life of school, sports, recreation and religious activity with their own community.

Age 0 to 5 They need their birth registration prepared, so that in future their rights to education and health and other benefits of citizenship can be fulfilled. A general health check to assess physical and mental health is important with appropriate medical care or counseling intervention to deal promptly with any problems. Good health also depends on efficient distribution of medicine and nutritious food. Early childhood education is an important step to the next level of primary school as well as providing normal activities for this age group.

Providing for these varied needs is not easy for either individuals or organizations, whether in the community or from outside. Inevitably the damage to infrastructure causes problems, and it is natural to panic in response to the huge needs. This is where advance planning to identify and categorize needs – and how to respond with a limited range of resources – can be so valuable. Further planning can be made in finding out information before a disaster strikes.

Useful information would include who is doing what, their areas of expertise and what resources they have and how to access help from others. Working with others before a disaster would then help with co-ordination with other organizations and the community itself.

The good news is that, with help, children can be amazingly resilient in the face of disaster if given sufficient opportunities for positive diversion, education and meaningful normal activities. Children who are having fun are much less worried. Sadly, the reality in Aceh is that there is not always enough education and activities for the fun to be greater than the worries. Transforming their ashes of sorrow into oil of gladness will be a lifelong challenge for the children of Aceh as for the other children affected by the tsunami.

Janice Go-Soco says that she’s ‘into Urban Ministry & serving people who the Lord cares for’. She served in Aceh following the tsunami.

21

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Biblical Reflection: God’s gift of children to welcome and nurture Judith Ennew reflects on Statement 3 of the Biblical Framework: “God gives children as a gift to welcome and nurture. God intends for children to thrive in stable and loving relationships.”

THE IDEA that God gives children as gifts is more than a momentary, contented reflection for parents when a child is born, for the spirit of giving is integral to God’s great plan for everything - from creation to redemption to the Kingdom of Heaven. Gifts are also a reminder of our total dependence on him, for our own lives as well as in the way we relate to children and their parents.

Gift: The core of all God’s gifts lie in the covenant originally made with Israel, which he confirmed through the gift of his own son, Jesus; an expression of his grace and the means of our salvation. Gifts of any kind require reciprocal response – even if the exchange is unequal. In this case we can never equal the gift of such bountiful grace, but we can (and must) reciprocate with gratitude and acknowledgment of our dependence. In the same way, our gratitude for the gift of children must include recognising that God decides which children to give, when and to whom.

It is all well and good to be grateful for the gift of a child who is wanted, loved and perceived to be beautiful. But what about parents who desire and pray for children and remain childless? How are they to show gratitude? What gratitude do we show (or feel) when we are given children that we may not want, or have asked for, or children that may not be what the rest of the world wishes to welcome? How do we respond when God gives the gift of a child to welcome, love and nurture and then, apparently inexplicably, takes that child away? These are difficult questions to face in our own lives as well as in our ministries with families and communities.

22

might have lost not only a spouse but also all their children. I found that I could only respond to their brokenness in any way that made sense to me – and, I hope to them – through a new awareness of my total dependence on God.

Photo Credit: Network of Children at Risk Bangladesh, Dec 2004)

The story of Hannah in 1 Samuel is a poignant example of a child who is longed for but not (initially) given. Hannah ends up praying so desperately for a child that she promises to give him back to God. Eventually, God graciously gives her a son, Samuel.

I picture her, sadly taking the toddler Samuel by the hand to the temple and resolutely leaving him there, subsequently returning only once every year with her gift of a little garment that she has sewn for him in the intervening months. Scripture shows that, ultimately, Hannah’s sacrifice of Samuel was part of God’s greater plan. Earlier in the Old Testament story, in much the same way, Isaac, a child much longed for, came very late in life to Abraham and Sarah.

Nonetheless, Abraham was willing to sacrifice this only son at God’s command – prefiguring God’s great sacrifice of his Son for us. Our work with children and their parents needs to be an expression of our gratitude and dependence, as well as of willingness to sacrifice.

Perhaps the hardest part of any ministry is the regular challenge of responding to parental grief at the death of children who have been welcomed, loved and nurtured - including responding to the question ‘Why?’ ‘Why me?’ ‘Why my child?’ I can’t imagine anything worse than losing my son. Yet grief is not always confined to individual loss, and it can be even more difficult to find ways of thinking about and reacting to the communal loss of many children in disasters and conflicts. Living in Thailand, I became very conscious of this because of the massive loss of life in the tsunami at the end of 2004. I learned much through the personal challenge of finding sensitive ways of listening to and talking with people who

A further, and more important aspect of seeing children as ‘gifts’ is the question of whether or not we welcome children who are not considered ‘normal’.

My first reaction to this question is to think about my own family, which includes a little girl with Downs Syndrome, who has always been much loved, welcomed and seen as a unique individual. Yet, in these days of new reproductive technology, medical pressures to test and abort seem to be resulting in the quest for children who are almost designer objects. Some children are, nevertheless, still born with characteristics that parents and communities find difficult to accept. They are unwelcome gifts.

Where I work in South East Asia, many children are abandoned at birth for relatively trivial ‘defects’, such as ‘harelip’, which are perceived as punishment for bad behaviour in a previous life. It is quite a challenge to talk to people of other faiths, as well as our own, about children all being gifts made in God’s image.

Although we call such children ‘special’ sometimes their uniqueness may seem too much to take. Yet uniqueness is the basis of dignity, and God is too great and too varied to be encompassed in a single human image. For me, the lesson from the statement that God gives children as a gift is that we really must learn to appreciate all gifts and to join parents in seeing that these children have a God-intended place in our world.

Nurture: Children’s rights to develop to their fullest potential includes provision of basic needs, such as food, drink, clothing and shelter. One need that is often mentioned – but little discussed - is spiritual growth. While there is a huge literature on practices for nurturing children physically, emotionally, intellectually and psychologically, this rarely includes spiritual nurture.

One reason for this relative silence is that spirituality is not well defined or understood, especially in multicultural and secular contexts. In most secular circles, spirituality is recognised as having something to do with non-rational forms of knowledge, but also thought of as something basically good and moral.

Often the result is a feel-good (and non-challenging)

mix of the ‘easy bits’ of Buddhism, Christianity and Hinduism. But this does not give much idea of how to nurture children’s spirituality, other than teaching them ways of celebrating in various ritual calendars.

David Hay and Rebecca Nye, in The Spirit of the Child, report that, through talking to children, they identified a ‘relational consciousness’ that they describe as the potential for spirituality in every human being. They suggest that this awareness of other people and of the need to cooperate not only underpins all religious experience but is also vital for communities, as well as individuals, to grow and thrive. Thus, they argue, the nurture of spirituality should be the bedrock of all childrearing and education.

Other researchers have come to similar conclusions.

For example, in his examination of children’s moral intelligence, Richard Coles discusses his work with a boy named David. Dying from leukaemia, David had been asking the doctors and nurses if they prayed for their patients, including himself, and told them that he prayed for them. Baffled, the doctors and nurses called on Coles, as a psychologist, to ‘assess what was troubling David’. Taking the same approach, that there was something wrong with David for which he required counselling, Coles assumed the prayers were to ask God for a cure. On the contrary, David explained, “I asked God to be nice to the doctors and nurses, so they don’t feel bad if us kids go to meet him. When I meet God I will put in a good word for the people who work in this hospital.” Coles admits that this finally made him recognize, with humility, the depth and importance of David’s religious life. Later in the book, Coles comes to a similar conclusion to Hay and Nye, that children naturally seek a purpose and direction in their lives; a set of values grounded in moral introspection; a spiritual life that should be given sanction and direction by their parents and other adults.

Thrive: Thus, with spirituality as the basis, children should be able to thrive. But what about the condition that it is God’s intent for this to take place in ‘stable and loving relationships?’ Nothing could be a clearer reminder of how far this sinful world is from God’s plan. Not all parents want their children, not all children feel wanted, many children wish they were dead or had never been born; they may live in dysfunctional families, or be abandoned, or orphans, or children infected or affected by HIV, or street children, or

23

RESTORE

Issue 3 Sep ʼ06

pursuing God’s intentions for children

Biblical Reflection: God’s gift of children to welcome and nurture Judith Ennew reflects on Statement 3 of the Biblical Framework: “God gives children as a gift to welcome and nurture. God intends for children to thrive in stable and loving relationships.”

THE IDEA that God gives children as gifts is more than a momentary, contented reflection for parents when a child is born, for the spirit of giving is integral to God’s great plan for everything - from creation to redemption to the Kingdom of Heaven. Gifts are also a reminder of our total dependence on him, for our own lives as well as in the way we relate to children and their parents.

Gift: The core of all God’s gifts lie in the covenant originally made with Israel, which he confirmed through the gift of his own son, Jesus; an expression of his grace and the means of our salvation. Gifts of any kind require reciprocal response – even if the exchange is unequal. In this case we can never equal the gift of such bountiful grace, but we can (and must) reciprocate with gratitude and acknowledgment of our dependence. In the same way, our gratitude for the gift of children must include recognising that God decides which children to give, when and to whom.

It is all well and good to be grateful for the gift of a child who is wanted, loved and perceived to be beautiful. But what about parents who desire and pray for children and remain childless? How are they to show gratitude? What gratitude do we show (or feel) when we are given children that we may not want, or have asked for, or children that may not be what the rest of the world wishes to welcome? How do we respond when God gives the gift of a child to welcome, love and nurture and then, apparently inexplicably, takes that child away? These are difficult questions to face in our own lives as well as in our ministries with families and communities.

22

might have lost not only a spouse but also all their children. I found that I could only respond to their brokenness in any way that made sense to me – and, I hope to them – through a new awareness of my total dependence on God.

Photo Credit: Network of Children at Risk Bangladesh, Dec 2004)

The story of Hannah in 1 Samuel is a poignant example of a child who is longed for but not (initially) given. Hannah ends up praying so desperately for a child that she promises to give him back to God. Eventually, God graciously gives her a son, Samuel.

I picture her, sadly taking the toddler Samuel by the hand to the temple and resolutely leaving him there, subsequently returning only once every year with her gift of a little garment that she has sewn for him in the intervening months. Scripture shows that, ultimately, Hannah’s sacrifice of Samuel was part of God’s greater plan. Earlier in the Old Testament story, in much the same way, Isaac, a child much longed for, came very late in life to Abraham and Sarah.

Nonetheless, Abraham was willing to sacrifice this only son at God’s command – prefiguring God’s great sacrifice of his Son for us. Our work with children and their parents needs to be an expression of our gratitude and dependence, as well as of willingness to sacrifice.

Perhaps the hardest part of any ministry is the regular challenge of responding to parental grief at the death of children who have been welcomed, loved and nurtured - including responding to the question ‘Why?’ ‘Why me?’ ‘Why my child?’ I can’t imagine anything worse than losing my son. Yet grief is not always confined to individual loss, and it can be even more difficult to find ways of thinking about and reacting to the communal loss of many children in disasters and conflicts. Living in Thailand, I became very conscious of this because of the massive loss of life in the tsunami at the end of 2004. I learned much through the personal challenge of finding sensitive ways of listening to and talking with people who

A further, and more important aspect of seeing children as ‘gifts’ is the question of whether or not we welcome children who are not considered ‘normal’.

My first reaction to this question is to think about my own family, which includes a little girl with Downs Syndrome, who has always been much loved, welcomed and seen as a unique individual. Yet, in these days of new reproductive technology, medical pressures to test and abort seem to be resulting in the quest for children who are almost designer objects. Some children are, nevertheless, still born with characteristics that parents and communities find difficult to accept. They are unwelcome gifts.

Where I work in South East Asia, many children are abandoned at birth for relatively trivial ‘defects’, such as ‘harelip’, which are perceived as punishment for bad behaviour in a previous life. It is quite a challenge to talk to people of other faiths, as well as our own, about children all being gifts made in God’s image.

Although we call such children ‘special’ sometimes their uniqueness may seem too much to take. Yet uniqueness is the basis of dignity, and God is too great and too varied to be encompassed in a single human image. For me, the lesson from the statement that God gives children as a gift is that we really must learn to appreciate all gifts and to join parents in seeing that these children have a God-intended place in our world.

Nurture: Children’s rights to develop to their fullest potential includes provision of basic needs, such as food, drink, clothing and shelter. One need that is often mentioned – but little discussed - is spiritual growth. While there is a huge literature on practices for nurturing children physically, emotionally, intellectually and psychologically, this rarely includes spiritual nurture.

One reason for this relative silence is that spirituality is not well defined or understood, especially in multicultural and secular contexts. In most secular circles, spirituality is recognised as having something to do with non-rational forms of knowledge, but also thought of as something basically good and moral.

Often the result is a feel-good (and non-challenging)

mix of the ‘easy bits’ of Buddhism, Christianity and Hinduism. But this does not give much idea of how to nurture children’s spirituality, other than teaching them ways of celebrating in various ritual calendars.

David Hay and Rebecca Nye, in The Spirit of the Child, report that, through talking to children, they identified a ‘relational consciousness’ that they describe as the potential for spirituality in every human being. They suggest that this awareness of other people and of the need to cooperate not only underpins all religious experience but is also vital for communities, as well as individuals, to grow and thrive. Thus, they argue, the nurture of spirituality should be the bedrock of all childrearing and education.

Other researchers have come to similar conclusions.

For example, in his examination of children’s moral intelligence, Richard Coles discusses his work with a boy named David. Dying from leukaemia, David had been asking the doctors and nurses if they prayed for their patients, including himself, and told them that he prayed for them. Baffled, the doctors and nurses called on Coles, as a psychologist, to ‘assess what was troubling David’. Taking the same approach, that there was something wrong with David for which he required counselling, Coles assumed the prayers were to ask God for a cure. On the contrary, David explained, “I asked God to be nice to the doctors and nurses, so they don’t feel bad if us kids go to meet him. When I meet God I will put in a good word for the people who work in this hospital.” Coles admits that this finally made him recognize, with humility, the depth and importance of David’s religious life. Later in the book, Coles comes to a similar conclusion to Hay and Nye, that children naturally seek a purpose and direction in their lives; a set of values grounded in moral introspection; a spiritual life that should be given sanction and direction by their parents and other adults.

Thrive: Thus, with spirituality as the basis, children should be able to thrive. But what about the condition that it is God’s intent for this to take place in ‘stable and loving relationships?’ Nothing could be a clearer reminder of how far this sinful world is from God’s plan. Not all parents want their children, not all children feel wanted, many children wish they were dead or had never been born; they may live in dysfunctional families, or be abandoned, or orphans, or children infected or affected by HIV, or street children, or

23

RESTORE pursuing God’s intentions for children

children with disabilities. We tend to deal with these groups under specific labels, with programmes for each category. But these children are crying out for their uniqueness to be recognized; they are not just categories.

In her recent book, From the Ground Up, Kathryn Copsey argues that, from the day a child is gifted in the image of God, it is progressively marred by sin, tarnished by the world, and scratched by experiences.

The challenge for working with vulnerable children is to reverse these processes, nurture children’s awareness of others, appreciation of values and ability to make moral choices. In addition, although it is not possible to legislate so that all children are loved and wanted, it is possible to help parents and communities to accept and gratefully nurture all children in their care.

We are forced to realise that God’s gifts to us in the shape of children remind us that we too are his children – and fallen children at that. We must respectfully stand in awe of the life given to us – both the life we have and the life of every child that comes into our world. In the last analysis, we cannot respond to the marring, tarnishing and scratching of individual children, nor to the widespread forces causing that

24

damage to millions of children, without dependence on our Father in Heaven: “The cry to God as ‘Father’ in the New Testament is not a calm acknowledgment of a universal truth about God’s abstract fatherhood.

It is the child’s cry out of a nightmare.

It is the cry of outrage, fear, shrinking away, when faced with the horror of ‘the world’ - yet not simply or exclusively Protest, but trust as well.

(Rowan Williams, quoted in Raine, A and Skinner, J T (1994) Celtic Daily Prayer: A Northumbrian Office, (London: Marshall Pickering) p.27.)

Judith Ennew has been an activist and researcher in children’s rights since 1979. She is a Senior Research Associate in the Center for Family Research, University of Cambridge (UK) and the Head of Programme Development for Knowing Children, an NGO based in Bangkok.