Voice Male Winter 2002

THE MAGAZINE OF THE MEN'S RESOURCE CENTER OF WESTERN MASSACHUSETTS

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INSIDE: Men's Work in the New World • Michael Kimmel, Robin Morgan and Rob Okun: Gender, Violence and September 11th • Rogue Males in the Middle East • Stress Resilience for Hard Times

Peace: The Road Less Traveled

By Rob Okun n an upstairs window by my desk in our office in downtown Amherst hangs a small, silk-screened banner.

It's a peace sign with the word justice overprinted on it. A college-age MRC supporter made it in response to the tragic attacks of September l l th. Even though it wasn't created as a banner for or about the MRC, it does aptly represent what we stand for.

Peace-particularly when it is linked with justice-has been at the center of the mission and vision of the Men's Resource Center for more than 19 years. Peace in the hearts of men to feel safe to share what's going on in their lives. Peace in the faces of women to feel free from the spect~r of domestic violence. Peace in the souls of gay, bisexual and questioning men to live with support and affirmation. Peace in the minds of young men of color knowing there's a place to talk about their emerging manhood. Peace at the very core of men who were neglected or abused as children who are now not alone. · These deep and enduring forms of inner peace are what each of us longs for every day, whether we take the time to acknowledge this truth or not. They speak to what more and more of us are actively, deliberately seeking in a world so greatly rearranged since September 11 , 2001.

Finding the road less traveled, and being committed to walking it, is what the Men's Resource Center and this magazine are all about.

The MRC mission describes an organization committed to "supporting men, challenging men's violence, and developing men's leadership to end oppression in our lives, our families and our communities." This magazine relies on those principles as the guiding light illuminating our editorial direction.

We publish Voice Male so we can share with men and women like you the profound social transformation under way in diverse sectors of our society. We publish it so you can share what you are doing to bring about that change. Every time a young person has a voice; every time a man of color has a forum ; every time a gay man speaks up; every time a woman's life is validated; every time a man who has survived neglect or abuse tells his story, the wheel of change turns. Next to the masthead on the cover are the words, "Exploring male-positive, pro-feminist, gayaffirmative and anti-racist issues and ideas."

What that means is the magazine, like the Men's Resource Center, is committed to holding several simultaneous truths. We cannot support men's growth without championing the liberation of women; we cannot promote straight men's inner explorations without joining the struggle for justice for gay; bisexual and questioning men, as well as transgenderec! people. We

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cannot embrace developing men's leadership without advocating and working for a racially inclusive, egalitarian culture.

In these precarious times, it is impottaht to remember where we are and where we are going. It is a source of great 1 nourishment to have so many people embracing our visi'on.

This issue of Voice Male offers a range of reactions to the state o£ our inner and outer world in the aftermath ~{the September ll th attacks. Our focus , of course, is on men-how wei are doing and what we are thinking. The MRC's own Juan Carlos ' Arean shares his feelings as an alienated immigrant in the land he has lived in for 20 years in a moving essay, "God Bless .Us All," which begins our sp ~cial section, Men's Work in the New World (page 8) . We are grateful to be including a range of voices, including leading feminist theorist and writer Robin Morgan, and sociologist and author Michael Kimmel. They were asked, as was I, to share feelings and thoughts in response to our rearrangec\ world through questions posed by the Media Education Foundation's director, SutJhally. The article is entitled "Gender, Violence and September 11th" (page 10) . Frequent contributor Michael Dover, MRC board chair, · emphasizes the value of perseverance in our work in his essay, "Ending Violence One Man at a Time" (page 12). The MRC's Men Overco_ming Violence program director Russell Bradbury-Carlin writes about "Moving Beyond 'All 'or N'o thing"' in our complex new world_in an essay beginning on page 13. Rutgers University professor and author on men'slssues Lionel Tiger offers a window into the motivations of young men who tum' to terrorism in "Rogue Males in the Middle East" (page 14). Voice Male Men&: Health columnist Joe Zoske explores ways of maintaining psychological health in "Stress Resilience for Hard Times" (page 15). Recipient of the MRC's Ozzy Klate Memorial Youth Award John Kazlauskas , Jr., writ~s about "Challenge and Change" in the Voices of Youth coh,1mn (page 16) . The campaign against the Massachusetts ballot initiative which would deprive gays of the same rights as straight people is the subject of this issue's Outlines column by Roger Stawasz (page 18) . · As always, we welcome your ideas and thoughts. Please stay in touch. We nee<;! connection now more than ever before.

TABLE OF CoNTENTS SPECIAL .SECTIO~:

Men's.Work in the New World God Bless Us All: An Immigrant Speaks Out By juan Ca'rlos Arean Gender, Violence and September 11th: Interviews , Michael Kimmel, Robin Morgan, Rob Ohun "Keep Doing What You're Doing": Ending Violence One Man at a Time

By Michael Dover Moving Beyond "All or Nothing"

By Russell·•Bradbury-Carlin Rogue Males in the .Middle East

By Lionel Tiger

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Columns & Opinion from the Editor Director's Voice Mail Bonding Men®Work Men & Health: Stress Resilience for Hard Times By joe Zaske Voices of Youth: Challenge and Change By john Kazlauskas, ]r.

Outlines: "Defense of Marriage" : An Offense Against Gays

By Roger Stawasz GBQ Resources Notes from Survivors MRC Programs & Services Resources Thank You Calendar

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Cover art: Golden Rule (Do unto others) by Norman Rockwell , 1961. Reproduced with permission from Curtis Publishing Co.

Voice Male is published quarterly by the Men~ Resource Cenfe r of Western Massachusetts, mailed to donors and subscribers, and distributed at select locations throughout western Massachusetts, southern Vermont and southern New Hampshire.

The mission of the Men ~ Resource Center of Western Massachusetts is to support men, challenge men~ violence and develop men ~ leadership in ending oppression in our lives, our famili es and our communities.

Membership The MRC is funded by individual and organizational contributions, and fees for services. Please join us in our vision of men healing, growing, ending violence.

Annual subscription and membership is $35. Send to MRC, 236 Pleasant St, Amherst, MA 01002

Main Office: 236 North Pleasant Street • Amherst, MA 01002 • 413.253.9887 • Fax: 413.253.4801 Springfield Office: 29 Howard Street • Springfield, MA 01105 • 413.734.3438 ~Hampshire Email: mrc@valinet.com ·~':":.U Website: www.mensresourcecenter.org

A Pivotal Time in Our History

By Steven Botkin

Administrative Staff

Executive DltBctor - Steven Botkin Associate DltBctor - Rob Okun DltBctor of Opt1rat1ons - Carl Erikson Development Coordinator - Spirit Joseph Men Overcoming Violence

DltBctor - Russell Bradbury-Carlin Clinical Supervisor - Steven Botkin l'llrtner Services Coordinator (on leave)- Sara Elinoff Interim Partner Services Coordinator- Jan Eidelson l11tllke Coordinator/Court Llalso11 - Steve Trudel Franklin County Coordinator - Joy Kaubin Hampden County Coordinator- Scott Girard North Quabbin Community Educator- Tom Sullivan Administrative Coordinator - Edgar Cancel Group Leaders -Eve Bogdanove, Karen Fogliatti, Scott Girard, Steve Jelferson, Joy Kaubin, Dot LaFralla, G.ary Newcomb, Tom Sullivan, Steve Trudel Hampden County Programs

DltBctor of Immigrant and RefugBB Program Juan Carlos Arean · Youth Programs

Coordinator - Jell Harris Northampton Gronp Leader - Steve Trudel Voice· Male Magazine

Editor - Rob Okun Managing Editor - Michael Burke Senior Editor - Steven Botkin Designer- candid design Copy Editor - Michael Dover Support Programs

0/tBctor - Allan Arnaboldi Support Group Facilitators Allan Arnaboldi, Michael Burke, Jim Devlin, Michael Dover.

Carl Erikson, Tim Gordon, Ken Howard, Rick Kapler. Arne Korstvedt, Damien Licata, Gabor LukAcs, Rick Martin, Bob .

Mazer. Peter McAvoy, Bob Moore, Jim Napolitan, Tom Schuyt, Chiis Shanahan, Sheldon Snodgrass, Bob Sternberg Board of Directors

Chair - Michael Dover VIce Chair - Thom Herman Clerk/Treesurer - Peter Jessop IIIBmbers - Mario Cruz, Jenny Daniell, Bill Dowd, Nancy Girard, Tom Gardner, Jack Hornor, Ty Joubert, Yoko Kala, Brenda L6pez, Mathew Ouellet, Sudhakar Vamathevan Advisory Board Michael Bardsley, Larry Beane. Dean Cycon, Bailey Jackson, Luis Melendez, Matthew Morse, Cheryl Rivera, Elizabeth Scheibel, Diane Troderman, Felice Yeske/ Editor's Note Opinions expressed herein may not represent/he views of all stall. board, or members of/he 'MRC. We welcome letters, articles, news items, article ideas, and events of interest. We encowage unsolicited manuscripts, but cannot be responsible for their loss. Manuscripts will be returned and responded to if accompanied by a stamped return envelope. Send to Voice Male, 236 No. Pleasant St., Amherst, MA 01002; mrc@valinet.com.

Advertising For rates and deadlines call Voice Male Advertising at (413) 253-9887, Ext. 20.

ineteen years ago a few men shared a vision: to build a community of men who would join ~ together with women ~ . in challenging and :§:o changing sexism and " violence. We were idealistic about making : a difference in our world, passionate about personal and social liberation, and committed to being allies with women.

I was 28 years old and believed we were living in a pivotal time in human history.

Then-president Ronald Reagan was calling the Soviet Union the "evil empire," while U.S. arms sales to Iran were helping to fund CIA support of military operations against the Nicaraguan government.

It was hard at times to feel hopeful about the direction of the wo.rld. And yet, believing U,at we could make a difference, we began to create the Men's Resource Center. Guided by I\ a firm belief that our true power as human beings lies not in domination and violence but rather in our profound connection-to ourselves, and to each other-we started to invite other men into experiences of connection and support, and we began to reach out as allies to women in our community. With a patient and enduring commi~ent , knowing that we were contradicting powerful cultural legacies of mistrust and oppression, we set out to demonstrate the hope and possibility of our vision.

I am riow 47 years old.'These days it is still hard to feel hopeful about the c;lirection of the world. The past few months in· particular have been filled with a turbulent sea of emotions, often covered over with a whirlwind of activity. I want to acknowledge the individual and collective trauma that we have been experiencing, and to give thanks for our ability to be and breathe together in this moment. More than ever I believe we are living in a pivotal time in human history.

And I know that commitment to a vision, faith, and community do matter. . This past fall, the sociologist Michael Kimmel, renowned for his research and writing on men and gender and the spokesperson for the National Organization . of Men Against Sexism (NO MAS), made a point to visit the Men's Resource Center between speaking engagements at Smith College, Amherst College, and the University , of Massachusetts. He told board and staff members that the Men's Resource Center is the premier example of a community-based men's center in this country. · For that I must thank our 22 staff and over 20 volunteers, as well as our board of directors and advisory board, who ensure · that every week we directly touch the lives of over 150 men and women througho~t

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western Massa·chusetts, that our workshops and presentations reach over 1,000 boys and girls, men and women each year, and that 10,000 copies of Voice Male are distributed locally and mailed around the country.

Among the many cutting-edge developments under way at the MRC, two next steps are particularly important.

We are in the midst of a long-term, organization-wide effort to become a truly multi-cultural organization. Our vision will be forever incqmplete if we are not able to reflect, represent, support, and serve more diverse communities of men. While we have made much progress-through retreats, focus groups, advocacy and accountability committees, strategic planning, new programs and changes in policy, procedures and organizational culture-much remains to be done. We know that our mission-"to support men, challenge men's violenc!! and develop men's leadership in ending oppression in our selves, our families and our communities"-<:an only be accomplished by actively addressing the intersections of sexism, racism, heterosexism, classism, and other forms of oppression.

On a different but related front, we are continuing to explore our role in a broader international movement of men challenging sexism. Over the past two years we have shared our vision and experience with men and women from Japan, Sweden, Canada, Argentina, Mexico, Russia, England, South Africa, and Chile, as well as from around the United Sti!tes. A new wave of activism is growing, and there is a need to share effective models of community-based organizing, to work toward building an international network of men's centers for support, training, and collaboration. .· As a culture we are facing the razor's edge of an ancient dilemma more powerfully and personally than ever before. The bankruptcy of the old dichotomies is increasingly obvious, yet we so often f~el trapped and powerless in the cycles of violence.

In these troubled times we are hungry for leadership. And yet our most visible leaders often are not able to bring us new visions. In November, at our Challenge and Change Awards banquet in Northampton, Mass., we sought to honor some of those who walk among us as leaders, giving us examples of how to live our lives rooted in community, and committed to a vision of connection and caring. In that spirit, and emulating all those who walk this path, we mu:St continue our work.

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Modeling Spiritual Men's Work

Overcoming Violence

I see the 'Men's Resource Center of Western My wife and I attended your celebratory Massachusetts as helping me maintain hope dinner (Sixth Annual Challenge & Change . in a time when there is much to despair Celebration) on November 1st. The evening about. I love the fact that Steven [Botkin] reflected your very effective program. The quoted Rumi in his remarks at the Challenge Men's Resource Center would seem to be a '' key organization in the struggle "to challenge & Change Awards banquet. !tecently, someone said of our work, "You know; what racism and het~ rosexism " as a 'multicultural ' you guys, are doin.g is deeply spiritual work . . social justice organization. I offer this You know that, don't yo.u?" I am more and friendly comment [about your work] . You , more becoming aware of the deep spiritual offer little hard data on the consequences of nature of what ~e [a~ our m~p.·~ centers] ~re your expanding educational activities. In 1999 the Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) doing. Rumi also said, "How easy it is to be program worked with 132 men;· in 2000, 196 cynical." It takes much mo,re \'Vork to hold 1 enrolled in either 20- week (voluntary) or 40 out a vision of hope for myself and the weeks (court mandated) . What about increasing numbers of people who see [the . recidivism? In the prison system data does MRC of Northern New Mexico] as a leader.

Thank you MRC ofWestern.Mass. for · accumulate to show the emphasis on modeling for me how to do this. rehabilitation or pure punishment. MOVE needs to verify the accuracy of men's selfPaul Zeli:m Executive Director reporting. District attorney' comments and Men~ Resource Center of court data would be valuable. People like Northern New Mexico myself want to come away from evenings like Taos, ·N.M. ;:our dinner feeling there is some hope for progress in our violence-prone society.

George Markham Northampton, Mass .

· Voice Male's Reach I am impressed with the recent issue of.Voice Male , as well as several others I've read. I have been passing them to others who are also sensitive to current men's issues. I believe the breadth, depth and quality of the articles clearly demonstrate that the magazine goes far beyond being only a "house" publication and gives voice to men's issues far beyond your region.

Murray Wilkow Old Bethpage, N. Y

Remembering Mr. D. Enclosed is a check for membership and subscription to Voice Male which I'm sending in memory of Richard Di Raffale. Rich was a close friend for many years of my partner Gale, a beloved longtime teacher in the Amherst (Mass.) Regional Middle School who encouraged and inspired countless students, and a wonderful man whose loss continues to be keenly felt. I feel the mission and work of the Men's Resourct; Center relates closely to his life and spirit.

Tim Van Egmond Montague, Mass.

Zero Circle

My Children, june 1993

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Be helpless, dumbfounded Unable to say yes or no.

Then a stretcher will come up from grace To gather us up.

We are too dull-ey_!:.d to"See-that beauty. · If we say wec an, we're lying.

If we say No, we don't see it, That No will behead us And shut tight our window onto spirit.

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So let us rather not be sure of anything, Beside ourselves, and only that, so Miraculous being come running to help.

Crazed, lying in a zero circle, mute, We shall be saying finally, With tremendous eloquence, Lead us.

When we have totally surrendered to that beauty, We shall be a mighty kindness.

-]alai ad-Din Rumi, 1207-73 Islamic-Persian sage, poet and mystic born in northern Afghanistan

I hear seventeen-year-old Daniel, tall, shaving now, the water in the bathroom turning on and off, on and off, as I lie in bed this morning: high school finals rpis week, college visits this summer.

Fourteen-year-old Thomas, once near, now determinedly disheveled and unruly, roaming with friends, asking questions-zen, anarchismslipping easily into grumpiness and pimply selfconsciousness. Both bright and inquisitive, maybe too adventurous for their own good. I watch them both with fingers crossed, touching them as often as I can. ~Bruce

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Thulani Nkosi

Men for Change Transforming 'South Africa Since the end of apartheid in South ·Africa, the country has been working to transform itself from a brutal, totally divided society into one aspiring to provide "equality" and "dignity" to all its citizens as enunciated in its new constituti~n. But' that transformati~n has been plagued by several legacies from the past, including the excessive use of violence as a means to control others. In gender relations such violence has led to an appalling rate of· rape and domestic abuse.

One inspired effort at addressing these legacies i~ a small but growing movement of men working for change in themselves, their relationships with women, children, and other men, and their role in perpetrating abuse. Chief among their advocates is Thulani Nkosi, 31, founder of the three-yearold organization Men for Change in Alexandra Township in Johannesburg.

On a training and education tour in California, Minnesota, and Massachusetts recently, Thulani visited several organizations working to help men and to challenge men's violence, including an extended stop at the Men's Resource Center. While. there he met with staff and board in a series of free-ranging discussions about men's work in the United States and South Africa.

Thulani believes South African culture inherently has much to offer men. "We ar~ a culture of caring and reconciliation," he say1;. "As Africans we practice the spirit of ubuntu, that is we know we are people only through our relationships with other people," he explained. "Our problems came when we were warped by colonialism."

A South African men's movement, Thulani believes, will ultimately replicate the work of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, which has helped close the gap between black people and white people in South Africa by compassionately confronting the country's tortured past.

In 1995, Thulani was recruited to

work for ADAPT, an agency that focused on domestic abuse prevention and training. ADAPT was founded by Mmatshilo Motsei, a nurse who realized that the abuse victims she saw at her clinic needed.shelter, counseling, and support in addition to physical care. She also realized how important it would be to bring men into the organization, and so .s he recruited Thulani. He cites her as a mentor and the inspiration for his creating Men for .f. ' Change.

"Domestic violence is the microcosm of our society," Thulani

Thulani Nkosi with friend and Men's Resource Center consultant Ira Horowitz.

says. In. the evolution of the country since the fall of apartheid, "it is a weakness" Thulani believes must be exposed and corrected for the country to ·evolve as a healthy nation. Before ·soccer match~, Men for Change staff and suppo.rters hold signs bearing the words, ,\ Did You Beat Her Today?" and "Do Real Men Beat Their Wives?" in a campaign that brought much attention to the fledgling organization-and more than a hint of inner turmoil to abusive men attending.the matches.

Thulani's connection to the MRC began in 1996, when he met MRC member and consultant Ira Horowitz, who was working in.South Africa doing trainings in gender consciousness raising for men. Until · then, Thulani "had been working in isolation," Horowitz recalls. "He said he was always the only man at meetings about domestic violence prevention and how difficult that was."

After attending a workshop Horowitz

was facilitating and later a training of trainers, Thulani deepened his commitment to his vision of helping men change. At the same time, Horowitz d.escribed to him the work of the MRC, and Thulani began an e-mail correspondence with MRC executive director Steven Botkin that culminated in their face-to-face meeting.

To date, Thulani says, men's work in South Africa is not happening in white or mixed-race communities. While offers of help have come from whites, he says whites and men of mixed race have not established programs of their own to address the issues of male socialization and violence they face in their own communities.

The hunger for men's work in southern Africa is being felt in neighboring Namibia and Zimbabwe as . well. Both countries' governments have invited Thulani to conduct trainings and share what his young organization is doing. He has also spoken at United Nations regional roundtables on gender relations and domestic violence. · Some of the work of communicating what Men for Change is doing includes publishing a newsletter, S'Camtlto, Zulu slang for "Let's talk. " And talking is something Thulani is good at. Among the conversations he had during his stop at the MRC was as a guest of the . organization's Young Men of Color Leadership group. With a dozen high school and coll~ge age African Americans sitting around him, Thulani told his s'tory of emerging into 1 manhood through the the final years of apartheid. "The young men sat enthralled," says Jeff Harris, MRC youth programs coordinator. "That another men's center-a black men's center-had sprouted up across the world, in South Africa,_was..not l es~ · on anyone. It was quite a moment. " Thulani says he is interested in working closely with the Men's Resource Center in the days ahead and hopes MRC staff will someday share their expertise with his staff of eight' at trainings and workshops in Johannesburg. Learning about men and about himself led Nkosi to realize who he was: "an explorer and an idealist for men and what we can be. "

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-Rob Okun II\

Dialing for Dollars: Verizon Gives In the weeks after September 11, many individuals have consciously sought to donate more of their time, money, and goods to various charitable organizations . Some corporations have been out in front with their charitable efforts as well, and in one case this enlightened corporate attitude toward giving has benefited the Men's Resource Center.

Nancy Girard, who regularly visits groups to give the partner perspective in the Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) program, also works for Verizon as a directory assistance operator. Her employer recently donated $500 to the MRC through a matching program whereby Verizon g~ves a.certain amount for every volunteer hour an employee logs, as well as kicking in money to match employe~· ~wn charitable donations.

So Girard's 50 hours of volunteer work for the MRC, including ~orking on the board of directors and going out on speaking engagements with her husband Scott, also a MOVE veteran, were mat~hed by Verizon as a further gift to the MRC. Girard said she loves working fon Verizon, where she has b.een employed since january 1998, partly because of its heightened awareness around its public image and social responsibilities. "As a corporation they really are pretty heartfelt," she said. "They treat me pretty well, they treat their workers pretty well.

During the four days after September 11th the operators handled three times the usual number of calls. We get regular breaks, but at that time our managers came around and just let us unplug for five minutes at a time. They fed us every day-they were pretty gracious. They gave ·away 140,000 .cellphones in Manhattan. They were out there taking care of what needed to be done."

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Fragile Families The Fragile Families and Child Wellbeing Study follows approximately 5,000 children born to unmarried parents in 20 cities across the country to learn more about the circumstances and experiences of these families. The Milwaukee

Baseline City Report, released most recently, with initial findings from 348 families , found that 80 percent of the unmarried parents were romantically involved, and 68 percent of unmarried mothe.rs describe the chances of marrying the baby's father as at least 50/50. Eighty percent of unmarried fathers in Ml.lwaukee proviqed financial or other support during the preg~ancy The overwhelming majority of mothers in the study want the father involved in raising their child.

Most respondents felt that steady employment of both partners was "very important" to a successful marriage, yet 47 percent of mothers and 37 percent of fathers lacked a high school degree and only 24 percent of mothers and 23 percent of fathers had more than a high school degree. Such barriers may prevent families from realizing their hopes for forming a family. , You can read Baseline City Reports for 12 cities at http'//crcw.princeton.edu/ fragilefamilies/. Twelve-month rep~rts for Oakland, Calif. , and Austin, Tex., were to be available at press time. ·

Gay Rights in the Gol.den State While politicians and activists in Massachusetts and around the country are hastening to organize against the Defense of Marriage Act and similar antigay legislation (see page 18), one state governor has courageously signed a new gay rights bill. .

On October 14, 2001 , Gov. Gray Davis of California signed legislation that may affect more than 16,000 gay and lesbian domestic partners in the state. The bill, authored by Democratic assembly\voman Carole Migden, allows domestic partners who register with the secretary of state's office-to make healthcare decisions for incapacitated partners, fil~ wrongful-death suits , adopt a partner's children, and will their property to a partner.

Said Davis, "This bill is about responsibility, respect, and most of all about family_:and it's about time." The legislation may represent the largest expansion of domestic partner rights. in the country, as California joins Vermont and Hawaii in recognizing same-sex relationships. It goes into effect january 1, 2002.

Meeting the Needs of Male Survivors Staff and volunteers from the Men's Resource Center traveled to New York City this past fall to take pa'r t in a program dealing with the issues of male sexual abuse survivors. The conference, held October 26-28, 2001, by the National Organization on Male Sexual Victimization, was geared toward · clinicians, survivors, and prevention workers, and offered a wide variety of workshops and panel presentations addressing male sexual abuse. Steven Botkin, the MRCs executive director, Allan Arnaboldi, director of support programs, and Robert Mazer, a long-term facilitator of the MRCs Friday night support group for men who have experienced childhood neglect and/or abuse~ presented a workshop called "Creating a Program for Male SurVivors."

"The workshop was well received," said Arnaboldi. "There were over 20 participants, including clinicians, service providers, and survivors themselves.

Some of the survivors expressed an interest in initiating support groups similar to the MRC's program."

Participants engaged in an interactive activity about male socializa~ion and its relationship to the significant invisibility of male sexual abuse, learned ·about the MRC's support program, and participated in a comprehensive question and answer period.

For more information on the MRC's survivors' group, or on any aspect of MRC support programs, call 'Allan Arnaboldi at (413) 253-9887, ext. 10.

Cards on the MOVE Thanks to Baystate Health System for printing an additional 20,000 Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) · outreach cards for distribution throughout Hampden, Hampshire, and Franklin counties. Baystate has now donated the printing of 40,000 of the cards, enabling the MOVE program to reach many more men in need of information about how to prevent family abuse.

MOVE in Maine Over the weekend of September 28-30, Russell Bradbury-Carlin (director of MOVE) and Sara Elinoff (former MOVE co-director and panner service coordinator, currently on leave) sat in an office space over a Radio Shack in Portland, Maine, with 18 men. The MOVE program presented a training on how to provide intervention with batterers, an inaugural event for the Men's Resource Center of Southern Maine. This group of men, who have been involved in various men's groups and men's events in the area, are interested in creating a program similar to the Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) program. The focus will be on working with voluntary men who have problems with anger and violence. uThe workshop was a complete success. The group was very welcoming and very inquisitive about our work. I am excited that we were a part of their first large event," said Bradbury-Carlin.

Elinoff and Bradbury-Carlin presented the theoretical basis for the MOVE program, as well as some of the clinical issues of working with batterers, and offered some practical experiential exercises to bring together the theory and practice. "The way the MRC of Southern Maine is beginning the process of working with violent men is very similar to how the MRC of Western Massachusetts began," said BradburyCarlin. "This group of men learned a lot of information and have a clear idea of what their next steps are. I feel confident that they will be successful."

MRC in Chile juan Carlos Arean, director of the MRC's immigrant and refugee program and former director of its Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) program, was invited this past fall by the VERA Institute of justice to offer a week of trainings in three Chilean cities. From October 29 to November 5, he conducted seminars on domestic 路 violence and batterers' intervention in Santiago, Temuco , and La Serena. The trainings coincided with a sweeping nationwide legal reform that is looking at alternatives to incarceration for perpetrators of violence.

"Rehabilitating abusive men is a very novel concept in Chile," said Arean. "I found there were a few individuals, three or four men and women, trying to figure out how to work with these guys.

They were very open and excited to hear about the MOVE model, especially the emphasis on education and the balance between support and confrontation. I am confident that in the next few months there will be two or three programs for perpetrators throughout that nat~on. " This trip marks one more chapter of the MRC's developing connection with the rest of the world. In the last few years, the organization has trained and exchanged ideas with individuals and groups in Japan, Russia, South Africa, Mexico, Ukraine, Argentina, Sweden, and Britain.

(it's 20 page.S) athttp://www.omhrc.gov/ ctg/ctg_menshealth.pdf!, or can be ordered from OMH by calling 1-800-444-64 72.

Men's Health Online

Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) welcomes Edgar Cancel as its new administrative coordinator. Edgar will be responsible for several ongoing projects and will be working closely with MOVE program staff at the MRC offices in Amherst. Edgar worked previously for Peter Pan Bus Lines in Amherst and Springfield. He was also the vice president of the board of directors for Valley Community Development Corp. , in Northampton.

In his spare time, Edgar coaches youth basketball teams, and last year coached a young men's basketball team in Chicopee, Mass., that was sponsored by the MRC. The players jerseys were emblazoned with the MRC logo.

The newest medical journal with a special theme issue devoted to men's health is the November 3 , 2001 , issue of the British Medical journal. Its articles are international in scope and cover a broad range of clinical topics. It also 路includes links to past BM] articles on men's health. This special issue is fully available online with PDF downloads at www.bmj.com.

Another step forward in awareness of, and attention to, men's health issues comes from the U.S. government. The federal Office of Minority Health, part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, publishes a newsletter called Closing the Gap. The September/October 2001 issue (20 pages) is de~oted to a wide range of topics related to men's health.

The lead anicle, "Men's Health: Why You Need to Act Now!" , highlights the urgency of this subject. Other features include an interview with Dr. Hilton Hudson, author of The Black Mans Guide to Good Health; and articles on health concerns of gay and bisexual men, colorectal cancer, Native American men and diabetes, hypertension, "boy violence," Asian and Pacific Islanders and tobacco use, and .fighting the fatherlessness epidemic.

This may be the first time a federal agency has devoted an entire issue of its newsletter to men's health. Closing the Gap can be seen online and downloaded

MOVE's New Man

Edgar Cancel

Tips for "Live-away Dads" The organization Dads and Daughters has a new fathering tool for dads who live apart from their children. Ten Tips for Live-Away Dads, by William .

Klatte, author of Live Away Dads, provides helpful information on keepmg your children your number one focus regardless of the other challenges divorce or separation may hold. For more information, go to http://www.dadsanddaughters.org/ ten_tips_lad.htrn/.

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An Immigrant Speaks Out

God Bless Us All What follows is an edited version of a speech delivered on September 30, 2001, on the Amherst, Mass. Common by juan Carlos Aredn, director of immigrant and refugee programs for the Men's Resource Center. ' ke so many millions of people m this country, I am an mmigrant. I was born and grew up in Mexico and have lived in the United States for the last 20 years.

I love this country and I'm grateful for .the opportunities it has afforded me. I have devoted my adult life to its enrichment and now I consider it my home. However, I have neverbecome a U.S. citizen. I am a socalled "resident alien." And, boy, have I been feeling like an alien these days.

Since September ll , I have been trying to figure out how to react, what to think, what to say or not say.

And every day, often more than once a day, I have been changing my mind about it all. It is a good reflection of how I'm feeling: I am confused and my emotions seem like a roller coaster that is constantly changing, sometimes not allowing me to think clearly.

On the other hand, there are three things that I have known all along:

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• I cannot just remain quiet. Even though it is very scary for me to voice dissent in this beloved foreign land, it is even scarier to consider censoring myself.

• I stand in total solidarity with the victims and survivors of the attacks, and also with the targets of hate ,crimes, especially Arabs and Muslims in the United States and abroad.

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• I want the cycle of violence to stop right now. I don't believe this war will end terrorism, and it might not even bring justice to the perpetrators of the attacks.

Aside from that, I don't have any great wisdom. What I do have are my feelings and my perspective as an

By Juan Carlos Arean

immigrant, which some people have found helpful. This is what I would like to share with you today.

First of all, I have been feeling isolated.

After 20 years of living in this country, never have I felt a stronger sense of not belonging.

I have felt left out of the national grieving process. It turned so quickly into things that I don't identify with: Juan Carlos Aredn speaking before more than 300 people at a rally September 30th. Its theme was based on a poster displaed in shop the patriotic anger, windows around Aml1erst, Mass . bearing the message: "We stand the rhetoric of together against bigotry and racism and with Arab-Americans and supremacy, the sea of Muslims and other meighbors being targeted."

United States flags and "God Bless America" everywhere Clearly I'm moving from isolation you turn. to anger. Yes, I'm very angry. I feel Never mind that hundreds of angry at the terrorists for causing the victims and survivors were not from horrible carnage and for violating my the United States. Never mind that sense of safety. I am also angry at the arrogant reaction of this government and many of its citizens, and at the racism, xenophobia, and hate crimes that have shown their ugly faces. I'm angry at the ignorance that seems to abound and at the patriotic environment that is attempting to censor dissent. I'm angry when I hear our leaders saying: "This is a war of good against evil" and "You are either with the United States or you are with the terrorists."

Of course, behind the anger there is fear, a lot of fear. I am terrified about the war and abou t the thousands of grieving relatives don't inevitable retaliations that we're · even live within our shores. We have inviting. I am afraid about the future forgotten to fly their flags. of my children. I am afraid they will . I mean no offense to anyone, but ·be targeted because they are living in never mind that America is not the the United States. I am afraid they name of this country, but of the will be .targeted because they are not whole continent. Never mind that mainstream U.S. citizens. I'm afraid the United States flag means so· many about the possible reinstatement of different things to different people. the draft. For the first time in my 20 Never mind that, in my humble years here I am feeling scared to opinion, God doesn't check the speak out, and I find myself nationality or religion of a person censoring my convictions, even in before they are blessed. front of good friends.

Occasionally l have been feeling powerless. Powerless to stop the war machine that has been put into motion. Powerless to stop the indiscriminate slaughter. Powerless to pro tect my children from bacteriological and chemical terrorism.

But behind all of these feelings there is great sadness. Enormous grief for the families of the victims of the attacks. Sadness for the peopl e of Afghanistan who, for 20 years, have known noth ing but war.

Sadness for the people of Iraq, who have been forced to face a catastrophe like ours every month for the last 10 years. l feel sad for the young United States men and women who enlisted in the armed services to try to find the elusive "American dream" and will now have to live a nightmare. I'm so sad that it had to take a tragedy of this magnitude for many of us to wake up, to start asking qu estions, to take action.

We at the Men's Resource Center have been worki ng for l2 years wi th men who are violent in their in tima te

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relationships. And we have learned that, in many cases, behind the violence, behind the rage and the anger, there are many other feelings.

There is a lot of fear, a perception of powerlessness, a sense of isolation and probably great sadness. We have seen what happens to these feelings when they go unchecked, when they are not processed and understood. They can turn into self-destruction and the destructi on of others.

So, above all, I'm feeling this is a time to look in the mirror, to ask hard questions, to understand our feelings.

We need a national day of atonement

and self-reflection. We need to extend our hands to our adversaries and build bridges. And I:m not only, referring to our government and.<to ;, our "enemies." I'm also talking abou't the anti-war and anti-racism activists.

I'm talking about me.

This is a time to move beyond our anger and hatred and cultivate love.

A time to work with our fear and depression to be able to shine our light. We need to stop the cycle of reaction and find our wisdom and balance in order to act in an effective and fair way.

In closing, I would like to say without one bit of sarcasm: God bless America. Yes, the United States and also all of America, the whole continent. God bless Afghanistan and japan, Israel and Iraq and all of Asia.

God bless Egypt', Sudan, Nigeria and Libya and all of Africa. God bless Britain and Russia, Bosnia and Serbia and all of Europe and Australia. May God bless all the people of the world and help us come together in understanding, compassion, and peace.

Gender, Violence and September 11th s people across the United States grapple with the new world created by the terrorists on September 11th, our democracy faces many challenges . Among them is avoiding acting only out of anger and revenge, and engaging each other in passionate debate about how the U.S. should act, both abroad and at home. To aid in this undertaking the Media Education Foundation (MEF), the Northampton, Mass .-based nationally acclaimed producers of educational videos on a wide range of social issues, has launched a new web project, Beyond the Frame: Alternative Views on the September llth Atrocities, which features in-depth interviews with a variety of educators; writers, and social critics. Among the interviews posted on MEFS website to date are ones with MIT professor and author Noam Chomsky; historian and writer Howard Zinn; ]anine jackson, program director of Fairness and Accuracy in Reporting; Nawal el Saadawi, M.D. , distinguished visiting professor at Montclair (Nj.) State University; Nancy Carlsson-Paige, professor of early childhood education at Lesley University; Michael T Klare, director of the Five College Program in Peace and World Security Studies at Hampshire College; and Michael Albert, editorial writer and columnist for Z magazine. Several more interviews in the ongoing series are in production.

What follows are excerpts from interviews with Robin Morgan, leading feminist writer and author of several books, including The Demon Lover: On the Sexuality of Terrorism; Michael Kimmel, sociology professor at the State University of New York at Stony Brook . and author of several books on men and 路 masculinity; and Voice Male editor and Men:S Resource Center associate director Rob Okun. The interviews were conducted by Sutjhally,founder and executive director of the Media Education Foundation. For a catalogue of their titles, contact MEF at 26 Center Street, Northampton, MA 01060; (413) 584-8500, (800) 897-0086. Website: www. mediaed. org.

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Michael Kimmel "Gendered Hysteria" and Masculine Virtue There are a couple of very interesting things about the way gender is playing out here. One is the

way in which government proclamations about the importance and purpose of the war suddenly are taking on a sort of feminist veneer: "This is all about the abuses in human rights in Afghanistan, particularly to women!! " Suddenly, our government seems so concerned about what the

Michael Kimmel

Taliban does to women; they weren't three months ago. Now feminists have been talking about this for quite some time, so there is an appropriation of a kind of feminist discourse. It can't go too far, because then we'll get into the realities of the ways in which our government is also undermining the rights of women here.

Then there's the gendered hysteria that we heard about, that was part of the hijackers' ideas about what would happen to their bodies. I heard, for example, that prior to the crashes ,before they even got on the plane, they wrapped their penises in gauze so that they would be protected.

Mohammed Atta's last will and testament-he said no women could come near his body. No women could come to his funeral. No women could touch his body, especially his penis,

after his death. First of all, there's a fantasy that his body would even be discoverable. But secondly, the hysteria about the genitals, the hysteria about women being there, the polluting influence of women, indicates that this was a real moment for him. In my sense, this was the greatest moment of his masculine glory, and I think this is true of a lot of the [hijackers]-they see this as a very masculinizing moment. They immediately ascend to heaven to be surrounded by virgins.

The third part of it that seems to me to be interesting is that it makes our critique-the critique that the Left and feminists have often had of traditional masculinity-far more complicated. [Three] months ago, firefighters were the enemy, the last vestige of the fraternity-locker roomfratboy-clubhouse-no-girls-allowed, the most fiercely resistant organization to women's entry into the labor force.

Now firefighters are heroes; you know you see pictures of people weeping at the sight of firefighters. So that has really transformed things. And why?

Because what we have heard is that what we always critique as traditional masculinity actually has some enormously heroic virtues to it. The willingness, for example, to sacrifice your life-the selflessness, the willingness to face danger and die for it.

We heard stories about one guy, who saw a woman trying to get down the stairs, but her wheelchair wouldn't fit. He picks her up, and he carries her 68 floors down to the bottom, hands her off to a rescue worker and walks away. Never tells her his name.

Another guy, whose friend is quadriplegic, he's down on the stairs, he's two floors down. He realizes that his friend is never going to get out, and he goes back upstairs to die with him. I mean, these are stories that make you weep-and displays of traditional masculinity that are magnificent. So it means that our analysis of traditional masculinity has to be a bit more complicated than it has been.

Revenge and Vulnerability I think that one of the most interesting stories of what has happened si.n ce 9/ll is that we waited

such a long time between the 11th of Michael 5. Kimmel is a sociologist and writer who has received international September and the 4th of October, recognition for his work on men and when the bombing started. One of the masculinity. He is the author of four things I think that did was it clearetl books on masculinity, including Against out a kind of space; what that the Tide: Pro-Feminist Men in the indicated was that our government was United States, 1776-1990. Kimmel is working a lot behind the scenes, but it national spokesperson for the National created a sense of restraint. In that Organization for Men Against Sexism moment, it enabled people, and ·,especially I think men, to do (NOMAS) and is active in preventing something that we've never done mens violence against women. before-which is, stay with feelings of being vulnerable .and afraid, rather than taking vulnerability and doing what men usually do with feelings like vulnerability and fear, which is we tum · them immediately·into the only emotion which is legitimate for us : anger. I think 't hat cleared out a space for a kind of conversation in the United States that we haven't had very often, about what do we want to happen? How do we want it to happen? While politicians were scurrying around making sure all of Robin Morgan their diplomatic pieces were in place, I think the American people had a conversation we've never been able to Robin Morgan have about a war before.

Terrorism and Male Violence One of [the topics of conversation] was the nature of vulnerability. What I think the whole spectrum of does it mean? How do we feel? What patriarchal violence, which to me would be an appropria.te response? culminates in the logical extension of How do we want to respond? On the terrorist, is what we have to $eptember ll, I was actually in examine here. For example, fear and Houston, Texas, on a runway at eight I ' in the morning Central Time, second in line for takeoff. So I was in the middle of the country, and ended up driving back two days later, through the American South, back up home to New York. All through the middle of America, the impulse to revenge and rage was so intense it was almost palpable. What you heard on radio shows was, "Y'kno~ we should drop an atomic bomb now, take out Saddam Hussein while we're in the neighborhood." It was a whole, · immediate revenge-take all of those feelings of fear and vulnerability, and externalize them. And then when it living in fear, which now, at the didn't happen, I think the conversation moment, the United Stat~:S is for the shifted. From catastrophic revenge to first time in a sense doing. Entire targeted planning, to staying with cultures live in fear. This is new to the feelings of vulnerability. Now United States-except it's not new to unfortunately that's different; those all of the United Stat~ because the feelings of vulnerability are different battered woman lives in precisely a from [the] feelings of terror,' fear, state of being terrorized. The sexually panic, hysteria that's going on at the abused child live,; in precise.ly the same moment about, say, anthrax or · state. The woman who is seriously smallpox. That's a different sort of se?Cually harassed at work, yet dare not thing because you ·c annot immediately quit because she is the sole support of anslate that into a revenge fantasy. her kids, and will she get another job?

That is slightly to a less degree, but it's terror.

What I'm saying is that the spectrum goes all the way from the fist in the face to .the nuclear bomb. Of course, it differs in degree but not in kind, and until we understand that, we deal with it piecemeal. Ot we say, "Well, this part of it is bad, but that p&rt's absolutely terrific. It is absolutely wonderful to have a disproportionate amount of young male people die on football fields from sudden heart attacks, that's just sport, that's perfectly okay." Why does that happen? Or when there is this kind of gunsaturated culture that we have in the States and when there are school ·shootings. Notice that tho.se shootings are not done the way they are described-by children killing children-but they are done by little boys usually killing little girls and female teachers. What does that mean? What does the culture tell us about the expendability of female human beings? And the necessary violence in order to be considered to be a good boy or a real man? Those are .all on one continuum. And so it means, then, that to address the · anguish and terror of the battered woman is to address. terrorism at the same time.

Gender and Terrorism The people who engage in violent activities, whether from the perspective of the state,, or the Vatican, or insurgent groups, or national liberation struggles, happen to be male people.

There -are women involved, most certainly; there are token terrorists.

We know of them disproportionate to their numbers because they're so · unusual.

You do have to look at the gender breakdown, and there is an extraordinary pattern, cross-cultural, of a cathexis between violence, eroticism, and what is considered masculinity, manhood. These are manhood struggles between the father and his son, and, unfortunately, .a whole lot of folks, male and female, die in them.

And the women don't even get a chance-they're the grass, and they get trampl~d when the elephants fight.

And I do not think this is inevitable.

I'm not saying anything so simplistic as men-bad, women-good. I think that women, most assuredly, can be violent. continued on page } 6

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·'Keep Doing What You're Doing"

Ending _Violence One, Man at a Time

By Michael Dover ike a blow to the solar plexus, or an injury suffered in,a bad fall, an ache returns and reminds at unpredictable moments. I stand close' to a burning brush pile and picture people jumping to their deaths to avoid being consumed by flames. I try to imagine how someone could make it right to cause the death of thousands, and I can't do it. Though it never lasts as long as my sorrow, my anger is there-anger that anyone could perpetrate such acts, and that decades of misguided policies have contributed to the climate leading to the deaths of yet more innocents.

And I have struggled against hopelessness. Here at the MRC, we spend every day trying to mak~ the world a less violent place, and in the space of one hour more people have been killed than we could possibly save iri a lifetime, or so it seems . And then my friend and colleague juan Carlos Arean reminds me that every year more than 2,000 women and · children in this country are killed in family violence-and in Russia the figure is 12,000 each year. What we do here does matter. But the ache returns, as a feeling that we're bailing out the Titanic with a thimble.

A neighbor reads a quotation at a community meeting, and it resonates for my work here:

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Each smallest act of kindness reverberates across great distances and spans of time, affecting lives unknown to the one whose generous

spirit was the source of this good echo, b~cause kindness is passed on and grows each time its passed, until a simple courtesy becomes an act of selfless courage years later and far away.

More than once at the MRC someone has said that we're ending violence "one man at a time." And, as .the above quote suggests, this can have profound consequences. Yet the question continues to trouble me: Given the scale and speed of world ev~nts , is what we're doing enough?

The answer,. I realize, is that nothing is ever enough, and nothing is ever too little. There's always something more that can be done, and everyone can only start where they are.

Sociologist Michael Kimmel visited the MRC recently, and we were gratified to hear from someone with a national and international perspective that we're doing something very right, that very few others are doing this work as well as we're doing it. His answer to what we should do in the aftermath of September 11 : "Keep doing what you're doing." Each

smallest act .. .

Kimmel's remarks have left me with both a renewed sense of the value of the MRC's presence and a growing conviction that we need to share our · experiences with other men's centers-and learn from them. We and they know, and need to say over and over to anyone who'll listen:

unraveling the problem of violence requires taking a hard look at masculinity and its distortions.

Recognizing such other root cause5· as poverty, inequality, exploitation, and intolerance, we and they know there is something behind the fact that inevitably the large majority of violent perpetrators are male.

We need to create a network for men's organizations doing the practical work to end male violence and redefine masculinity across the country and the world . Here at the · MRC, we have some answers and plenty of questions. We've done trainings, shared strategies, thought and dreamed together with men from many places. I believe that the MRC has a leadership role to play in bringing such a network into being, and I'm prepared to do what's needed to see that happen. I know all too well that violence won't end just because of what we do, but I know too that it's unlikely to end without us. I'm in for the duration.

Michael Dover is both a volunteer at the MRC and the chair of its board of directors.

Internal Mediation - Life Beyond Therapy

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''Internal Mediation" is based on "The Work of Byron Katie" and Tiiorn Herman is a certified Practitioner of the Work. Internal Mediation is. a simple and radical process that fundamentally alters our relationship to our thoughts.

Thorn can be invited to present Internal Mediation to groups in a workshop setting. When invited Thorn works by donation. He also works with clients individually through his psychotherapy practice in : ;: :: .· Northampton and Greenfield, MA.

Alternatives路to "All or Nothing"

By Russell Bradbury-Carlin ince September 11 , the world has felt like a much more complicated place. Prior to September 11, I was allowed to see the world in more simplistic ways because I live in a country where feeling invulnerable has been part of the privilege of living here.

By not feeling a personal threat to my safety due to war or terrorism, I was able to avoid the feelings of vulnerability that others in the worlq feel.

Since the terrorist attacks, my views 路 on war, nonviolence, and masculinity have also become muddied and more complex. I am used to working with complicated concepts. As director of . the Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) program, I have listened to people ask me how I can work with "those" men.

Surprisingly, I have even heard this sort of talk from colleagues. On~ offered the opinion that the most I can hope for, "for the two hours that you are working with batterers, is that they won't be home beating their wive,s ."

Yet it is inconceivable to me that anyone could work effectively in a clinical setting and not believe that the people with whom they are working could change. I need to believe that the men I work with are, ultimately, good people, and that it is their behavior that is wrong. "Compassionate confrontation" we call it at MOVE. I am continually having my stereotypes and "all or nothing" thinking challenged. There are a number of men who have come into our program with a belligerent, ''I'm the victim" attitude. I questioned their ability to ever "get it," to make the deep change that is needed to. alter 路 behavior. Yet a number of these men have surprised me and let go of their belligerence and sense of victimhood, taken responsibility and changed.

Finding a balance between being compassionate and being confrontational is complicated, but essential in working with abusive men.

I have always cons,idered myself a nonviolent person, perhaps even a pacifist-largely as a respons~ to the violence I have seen in my own life and the effects it has had on me. I have never been an active war resister but I have often aligned myself w~th those ideals. Since September 11 , however, I have found myself challenged by how I

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would want us, as a nati~n. to respond to the terrorist acts. I found myself believing that a military response could be warranted. I have been unclear about how a pacifist reSponse would work in this situation~especially w~n we are dealing with, if all the information I have is true, a group of people who don't believe in coalition and dialogue. I have felt grief and fear.

I have felt angry. ThE;, ."all or nothing" duality of Militarist vs. Pacifist thinking has changed, has become more complex.

Here is one of my fears: that in times of paniC, trauma, and anxietythe times we are in now-people tend to jump to "all or nothing" thinking.

When this happens, anyone who "looks" Middle Eastern in our country is harassed, even killed. Anyone who doesn't back the war is un-American, unpatriotic. Anyone who supports the war is narrow-minded, a warmonger.

My fear)is that we will be unable to embrace the complications this new set of world events is revealing, and that may be our undoing. Recently someone askeq me, "What if someone raped and killed your wife? Don't tell me you wouldn't want to get revenge or even kill that person!" I thought for a moment and realized that, yes, I would want revenge, and I'm sure I would

have feelings that could lead to such an eye-far-aneye mentality.

But now, standing apart from such an awfl.)l event, I realize I should not be the one responsible for finding , capturing, and prosecuting the perpetrator-my objectivity would hinder me from handling the situation sanely. My ethics would likely be compromised.

Perhaps these ideas and issues have always been complicated. In fact, I am quite sure they have been. I am not sure why I am路suddenly seeing them in this way. But I take some hope in learning about the complexity of things. I believe we .pet closer to reality by doing so. I hope , too , that as we start to truly encounter the deeper complications of the post-September 11 world, we can resist "all or nothing" thinking and allow for sane responses.

Russell Bradbury-Carlin is director of the MRCS Men Overcoming Violence . program (MOVE).

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Rogue Males in the Middle East

By Lionel Tiger

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n outstanding characteristic of the miserable band of worshippers responsible for the savage events-of September ll is that they are all male. Virtually all the fist-shakers we see in news clips of anti-American demonstrations in Pakistan and elsewhere are men, too, usually relatively young ones. What does this have to do with September ll, Osama bin Laden, the Taliban,路 and the future?

One of the most difficult tasks for any social system is figuring out what to do with its young males. These are invariably the most impressionable, energetic, socially exigent, and politically inept members of any group. They cause trouble for their elders and ruthlessly hassle each other. They pose a chronic danger to public order when they drive, drink, and take drugs.

Various communities cause their young men to endure a startling and often gory array of harassing rituals and trials in order to become acceptable,adults. In his autobiography, Nelson Mandela says that only after his circumcision at the age of 15 did he feel ready to a5sume the chieftaincy he inherited. I have been a so-called expert witness in lawsuits on behalf of young men physically abused by fraten-l.ity brothers during initiations: one was turned into a quadriplegic: Often, only when they have made their bones in some grim initiatory expedition are young men able to contemplate the next steps of courtship and marriage.

The terrorism of Osama bin Laden harnesses the chaos of young men, uniting the energies of political ardor and sex in a turbulent fuel. The structure of al-Qaida-an all-male enterprise, of course-appears to involve small groups of relatively young-men who maintain strong bonds with each other, bonds whose intensity is dramatized and heightened by the secrecy demanded by their missions and the danger of their projects. Like the highly trained, elite forces of the army and navy, they are screened before they are allowed to earn tl;eir stripes in a program of

militaristic training in isolated and demanding environments.

Selection is prestigious. It confers unquestionable, if radical, Islamic credentials and 'associates them with the tides of history sketched for them in their training. For many, nothing in the rest of their often sorry existences can compare with the authoritative drama of what they hope to do and with the sense of purpose flowing from their commitment to the leaders they accept.

Their comfort in an all-male world begins with the high sex segregation of many of the Muslim communities from which the terrorists draw. While there are great variations a~ong Islamic communities, the sharp

tendency is toward sexually segregated societies. Contact between the sexes is tightly restricted by 路 draconian moral codes. Not only are women's faces veiled, so is their behavior. This means that men and - women have relatively little to do with people of the opposite sex.

Therefore, they develop a great deal of reliance on those of their own.

Most men in most societies marry, or try to. This is more difficult than usual in polygamous societies in which powerful men may have as many as four wives, leaving three potential husbands without a date for Saturday night-or any night. For example, Osama bin Laden is thought to have several cave-mates, as many as four. There are also substantially more men than women in Afghanistan, which augments the deprivations of

polygamy. So some of his troops have no choice but to accustom themselves to relatively monastic lives.

The sexuality and reproductive potential of such young me~ is not an unimportant matter politically. The United Arab Emirates, not normally considered forerunners of the progressive movement, have taken an inventive action that reflects how difficult it is for men and women to mate in a traditional manner. To marry a local woman, men of that nation must provide gifts, feasts, and ritual performances that may cost as much as $40,000 (拢27,000)-an impossible accumulation for all but a few. Many would choose a foreign wife instead, which is unattractive to the government. So now when a man marries a local woman, the government supplies a grant sufficient for his ceremonial obligations. Bin Laden and his ilk provide no such marriage benefit. (In a grim reversal, they offer bonuses to the kin of those who commit suicide.) So his young men have to rely for emotional ,and social succor on their fellow-marchers to the triumph of grandly effective death.

It is in the crucible of all-male intensity that the bonds of terrorist commitment and self-denial are formed. As they move from Hamburg to Cleveland to Lima to Havana to Jersey City, they are enveloped in tacit camaraderie with their associates who have endured the same training, the -same deprivation, the same expectation o[ enjoying death and heaven in the same shiver. They share the sweet-sour prospect of striking a fiery suicidal blow for the self-evident purity of a religion of love.

They are not lonely psychopaths but demented special forces wearing anonymity like a uniform. They share and catalyze swirling energies arid religious absolutism, forces immensely useful to those operators such as bin Laden who are able to tum young men's need for a cool place in the hot sun outward to -o ther societies, to attack infidels at large.

It's all something grand to do. So continued on page 17

Stress Resilience for Hard Times

By Joe Zaske t can seem like a daunting task: balancing multiple responsibiliti~s to ourselves and others, and coping with the complexities of our lives, all the while being challenged by a stream of unending change. Add to that unexpected disasters-as in recent events-and it can soon feel like we are over our heads. Less confident, less capable, and less in control. In other words: stressed out.

Since September 11 , many men to whom I've spoken have also expressed additional uneasiness about feeling ill~ prepared to protect and provide for 路 their families . Further, they feel diminished in lives that seem so unheroic, compared to the inspiring stories of countless men in emergency response jobs. These stories speak to what scholars call "gender role strain," which affects men deeply.

The result of all this can be that we fall back on self-defeating behaviors which ultimately harm ourselves and affect others. Reactions such as 路rage, despair, or increased alcohol and drug use only prevent us from learning the life-lessons we have in front of us, exacerbate preexisting physical or . emotional problems, and add to our burdens.

Dealing with immediate challenges requires us to manage our behavior, utilize our resources wisely, and gather outside help as needed. We often do well in a crisis-but what about the aftermath, and what about the next time? The damaging impact of stress i; cumulative. How can we condition ourselves to become "stress fit"-to become more resilient to the peaks of stress in our lives, and more successful in resolving them?

Advice for enhancing our stress coping capacity follows some of the physical training ideas one would use for any health or sports issue.

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Visualize Success If we don't believe we can win the race, and can't picture ourselves succeeding, then we are already partially defeated. Likewise with stress management. If we hold on to selfdefeating thoughts that we are "less than," failure becomes a too-frequent outcome. Bolstering our self-

confidence begins with remembering all the challenges in life we have already successfully navigated. Next, it requires smart planning and problemsolving. Then, .enlisting those persons and resources that can affirm our efforts and increase our odds.

Everyone needs cheerleaderswhether family, friends, 'or others. It is important to be surrounded by those who fan our flame rather than throw water on it. This also' adds to a sense of hopefulness and optimism, which has been shown not only to encourage and motivate us, but to actually strengthen our immune system and路 allow stress to flow through our bodies with less impact.

Fuel for Performance Just as athletes "carbo load" before a major event, fueling themselves with energizing food, we can fuel ourselves. with the right stuff for stress 1 management. This includes h ow' we feed our bodies, minds, and spirits.

Maximizi:ng healthy eating and minimizing reliance on numbing or comfort foods and drink helps us maintain stamina, ap.d gives us the energy for what lies al}ead.

Likewise, filling ou.r minds with 路 positive images and nourishing thoughts does much to counter the steady intrusion of bad news and disturbing ideas, about which we are left to feel helpless. Consider a "news fast" at least one day a week. Break the cycle of catastrophizing words and pictures flowing into the brain, and substitute that which is personally inspiring and uplifting. Reminding ourselves what is right, positive, and centering in our lives uplifts our spirit and provides a healthier foundation from which to act.

Unfortunately, the first thing we often lose in stressful times is our sense of humor. Yet it can be the very lifeline we need to cut through the pressure and malaise that surround us.

Laughter is good medicine, and needs to be dispensed in liberal doses.

Remind yourself of what's funny, and discover new sources of humor; they really are everywhere.

So, too, is the importance of service to others, as an antidote to becoming

preoccupied about our own worries.

Engaging in a need beyond ourselves, we are reminded of the larger web of life around us, which helps break down any sense qf isolation.

Avoid Overtraining In other words, everything in moderation. Cross-training is an athletic concept recognizing that strength, flexibility, and endurance are all important, but that focusing upon one to the detriment of the others works against us. Prevent imbalance by becoming a well-rounded individual, exercising all the varied parts of yourself.

Further, take a break: relax, sleep, recreate. It's critical to let the body recharge and heal. Find ways to take mini-vacations , whether for a few hours or a day, in which you rely on others for backup and give yourself the gift of letting go. It doesn't take much to revive ourselves, if we do it regularly.

Distress is carried physically as well as psychologically. Its impact is personal and collective. So , becoming more physically conditioned, mentally prepared, emotionally secure, and spiritually anchored will serve us and those around us in times of trouble.

We can learn to appreciate who we are, how we act, and recognize our strengths and limitations, while joining with others to solve the minor and large dilemmas of our lives. Life then unfolds as a more joyful journey. ,Voice Male men~ health columnist joe Zaske is an administrator in the social work program at Siena College in New York, and a men~ health consultant based in Albany. Responses to his columns are welcome and can be made to zoskej@crisny.org/.

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Gender, Violence continued from page 11

Usually, cross-culturally, we tend to be violent in defense of our children; that's the lioness-with-her-cubs syndrome. And only very recently have women actually dared to become at all violent, in self-defense; that's a new phenomenon, after 35 years of a contemporary, global feminist wave.

But we don't get off on it. You don't find us in cells, sort of chortling with glee about planning and committing violent acts.

When you look, however, at the way manhood is constructed , not only in this society, but cross-culturally, what you find are all of the connections that are so obvious they almost become invisible. They are the norm. Ranging from the football hero to extreme sports and wrestling now, all across the U.S. TV, all the Survivor programs, the rock star hero, clad in black leather, setting fire to his guitar, Rambo in American movies-the manhood cathexis, whether it is called "hero" or "samurai" or "terrorist," is basically the same image. It is a creature who is so passionately given over to an idea that he is both doomed and inviolate. And he is consumed by it. So there's a frisson of fear, where supposedly the eroticism comes in.

Until we de-glamorize that and begin to understand it, our children, male as well as female, will continue to die, and to kill. It lies at the absolute heart of this problem , and until and unless

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we understand that, this problem will not ever go away.

"If they come for us at night and the world does nothing, they come for the rest of the world in the morning."

To me, this analysis and feminism in general is not just about freedom and agency for the majority of the world species who happen to be female human beings. If it was only about

that, it still would have a very good justification for being, but it happens to be about saving the other half of the world as well: male people. And without that understanding, the very folks who might unlock the puzzle are kept silent, [not only] in Afghanistan -truly silent, in total purdah-but in the rest of the world: patronized, tokenized, but not really listened to.

Robin Morgan is an award-winning writer, feminist leader, political theorist, journalist, and activist. She has published 17 books, including The Demon Lover: On the Sexuality of Terrorism. The former editor-in-chief of Ms ., Morgan has been active in the international feminism movement for 20 years. She is the founder of the Sisterhood Is Global Institute, the first international womens think tank.

advocate [as) it is to become a soldier.

This is not about shying away from risk-taking; because I think what's being asked of all of us is actually to take more risks than we might have previously. I think schools need to do teach-ins, not just at the college level but at the elementary school level, to talk about war. There are programs all over the country now that are teaching conflict resolution in the elementary schools. They get fourth graders, they train them, and by the time they're in fifth and sixth grade, they're managing many of the student conflicts that go on. That's a message I think we need to hear more of-this is a kind of community service that ultimately will be more valuable than going off to parts unknown to kill innocent people.

Advice to Bush and Co.

Rob Okun

Rob Okun Conflict Transformation This rush to go down to sign up for the military felt very familiar to those who came of age during Vietnam.

There was this real split in the road between those who saw what was going on as folly, d<jngerous, harming a whole civilization in Southeast Asia, and those who said, "I'm ready. I'm gung ho ; let me at 'em." Whatever was going on culturally and socially that allowed the beginnings of an early men's movement and men's consciousness to emerge, it was an approach to being a man other than to go toward warmaking and soldieringthat shift, while it's been slow in the 路 last 30 years, has been steady. There are, I believe, mini-critical masses in various pockets of the country that can move the consciousness along, that can help the transformation, so that young men who might be inclined to go down and sign up might give pause to say, "Well , it's just as valuable to become a conflict-transformation

I wish George Bush would acknowledge his own fear, his own feelings of vulnerability. I wish he had said, ''I'm scared. I've got a sister-inlaw down in Florida who's a person of color. My brother the governor of Florida has a wife who's from Mexico, and he has a child who is a person of color. What's going to happen? Can I step off the track I've been trained to be on, from being the son of George Bush Sr.? Can I stop and ask myself, 'What else is there?"'

I wish people in the White House were reading the e-mails you and I are reading, the incredible displays of resourcefulness and imagination and compassion and love that are just coursing around the globe. This situation, as horrific. as it was, has actually allowed an outpouring of social transformation tha路t we've 路been yearning for-to r.eally take some giant steps. Men like Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, and Powell could get a lot out of sitting in a batterers' intervention group, a group for men who are doing violence in their intimate relations. This is an opportunity for whatever pressure we can bring to bear to open up that vulnerability, to open up that place within their hearts. I want to believe they are reachable.

While we have lots of teachable moments ahead, the one that we have . to really work hard to sustain is the evolving democracy that's here. I say "evolving" because I don't think we're experiencing the full expression of democracy as it's written in the Constitution and as it was proclaimed

in all of its glory by the founders of the United States. I want to feel that any voices of dissent, any voices of criticism, any voices that are calling for alternatives to wrap'p ing ourselves in the flag and only seeing military retribution as the answer . .. I want those voices to have full and equal access to the airwaves and to the streets.

Because if our civil liberties get curtailed during this period, then I think all of the progress that I was talking about in terms of social transformation and healing and connection is going to be severely compromised if people aren't being made to feel that they can fully express themselves.

Masculinity, Vulnerability and September 11th The very night after the Tuesday attacks was the night of a Men Overcoming Violence (MOVE) batterer intervention group that I'd been facilitating for the last five years. And not to ta~k about what had happened the day before would have been like having an elephant in the middle of the room and just going on with our regular agenda.

So I started the group by inviting the men, many of whom had been in the group for 20, 30, 35 weeks, to talk about how they were feeling right then, or how they had felt

yesterday: "Don't give me the glut of information from media and the images that you've already seen.

What are you feeling?" And it was really telling what happened next.

To a man, they were angry: "I'm angry, I want to retaliate." I said, "Okay, I get that; I think for a lot of people, that's the first reaction. Now what? What else are you feeling?

'Cause I know you're feeling more

than that."

And it took awhile to draw them out, but what came next was, "I don't feel safe. I'm feeling a little unsure about things. I don't know if it's okay to travel." And they couldn't quite articulate the word vulnerability, but that was what was kind of hovering in the room until it finally got named by my coleader. And then they were able to start to make some connections-or we helped them to make some connections-between what happens in your own personal life and what happens when you're faced with something of this level of catastrophe. The same issues of violence, and the same issues of fear that your partner feels when you lash out in anger is what you're experiencing now; and what's behind that same anger is the fear, is the vulnerability, is the unsafety.

So right away there was a connection that we could make with men about how you respond when you're angry.

What's happening now is the old model of masculinity. An opportunity like this comes along that we can interrupt and make some change. Here we are at this precipice, here we are at this very teachabie moment where men in particular can say, "You know what?

The whole way that we're approaching what's going on is going to lead us down that same old road." We've been doing this as a civilization from the beginningusing violence to end violence.

Part of the work in these batterers' treatment groups is to teach men about the cycle of violence and how it can just perpetuate itself until there are some tools, until there are some strategies to interrupt it. As a global community, we have a tremendous opportunity to take something that was horrific and to turn it around into something really positive.

Rob Okun is associate director of the Mens Resource Center, editor of this magazine and a psychotherapist in private practice in Amherst, Mass .

A commentator on public radio for nearly 20 years, his 1988 book, The Rosenbergs: Collected Visions of Artists and Writers, explored the intersection of art and politics.

Rogue Males continued from page 14

much better than the few jobs available, the threadbare economic~ , the ramshacklesocieties run either by altogether corrupt cynics, autocratic monarchies feeding princes foie gras, or theocraci es that mistake reading ancient books for action.

Will the situation change? There are countless young men in poor "states of concern" whose only plausible luxury may lie in the symbolic realm of moral and theological triumph. They are likely, at best, to have to scrape out a minimally tolerable existence that pales beside the images of sensual and material peril-America!

America!-their leaders seek to hide from them but cannot. "The Great Satan" strictly translated is "the great tempter." A select few, perhaps the most angry or loriely, perhaps the most pious or theoretical, will decide not to try to become part of America or its way of life but to destroy it.

To do this they can enroll in stirring academies such as bin laden's. The danger of belonging to them enhances their excitement and feeds their sense of worthwhile 路 enterprise. Their comrades provide them an emotional haven and a clear focus for the turbulent energies at 路 the intersection of youth and despair. Their basic weapons are intensity and extreme commitment, not the usual visible armament of warriors.

American and other forces will try to find, confront, and destroy something new. They may well succeed in rooting out at least the more overt groups. But the much larger and longer-term problem for us and the world at large-that there are millions upon millions of these young men, not just bin Laden's thousands-will finally have to be faced by the currently feckless leaders of the grim societies that have produced and nurtured such wild theological pathologies.

Lionel Tiger is Darwin professor of anthropology at Rutgers University, New jersey. Among his books are Men in Groups and The Decline o.f Males.

A version of this article first appeared on the "tebsite Slate.com .

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"Defense of Marriage": An Offense Against Gays

By Roger Stawasz n September 5, 2001 , Massachusetts attorney general Tom Reilly approved a ballot initiative proposed by a group calling itself Massachusetts Citizens for Marriage to amend the Constitution of Massachusetts . This amendment is modeled after the federal Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) , but is actually far more praconian. If adopted, it will permanently limit marriage to "one man and 'one woman" and forever limit the "benefits or incidents exclusive to marriage."

In other words, this constitutional amendment will not only prevent gays and lesbians from ever obtaining equal rights of marriage or civil unions, it will also take away domestic partnership benefits (both public and private), inheritance rights, and bereavement leave, and threaten adoption and health benefits for children of gays and lesbians-to name but a few of the "benefits and incidents exclusive to marriage" that are threatened. At a time in our country when we should be coming together in unity, the proponents of this amendment want to permanently divide \lS and forever deprive gays and lesbians of their equal rights.

In response to the certification, GLAD (Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders) announced that it will seek review in the Supreme judicial Court of Reilly's decision. GLAD argues that the initiative fails to adhere to the constitutional rules for ballot initiatives. The Massachusetts Constitution says that initiated measures caimot target the "powers of the courts." GLAD's contention is that this petition takes direct aim at the courts. If this measure were ratified, the courts' authority would be crippled, including their capacity to decide on the validity of certain out-ofstate marriages, or to interpret laws in ways that include nontraditional families when appropriate-whether gay or not.

What can be done about this?

First of all, those of us in the LGBT community can't count on the court challenge to derail the initiative.

Second, it is vital that this threat be taken seriously and that we start acting on it now. If we and our heterosexual allies don't, we will be unable to effectively counter the organization

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and resources of these political organizations. The proponents of this initiative are backed by national political organizations that have used these types of initiatives across the nation to coalesce opposition to progay bills, defeat anti-violence and domestic partnership benefit efforts , and build unity among anti-gay organizations that continue to foster bigotry and discrimination.

In our favor is the fact that the Massashusetts constitution calls for a lengthy procedure for bringing such initiatives to a vote. The referendum petition procedure requires the collection of at least 57,100 signatures of registered voters by the end of November. If the signatures are certified, the secretary of state will notify the legislature, which will

the lies and propaganda that the proponents of this divisive and hurtful amendment will be espousing. It will also train people to serve as "truth squad" members to help educate voters about the amendment, convince them not to sign, help identify pro-gay voters throughout the state, and develop a voter lD base. The elections of 2004 are almost three years away, but there is no time to wait. There is a lot of work to be done and every day will be important.

Three things are 路needed to defeat this initiative: l. Volunteers . Volunteers are needed for door-to-door canvassing, helping on phone banks, fundraising, contacting representatives, etc.

schedule a constitutional convention, probably in the spring of 2002 .

Twenty-five percent of the legislators must vote in favor of the amendment, in two successive sessions. Since the legislative sessions are two years long, the second vote would be in the spring of 2004. If the initiative passes both sessions of the legislature with at least 25 percent approval, it goes to a vote in 2004.

Working to. defeat the initiative and derail it at each step is the Campaign for Equality, a coalition of numerous religious, civic, labor, business, and civil rights leaders and organizations.

The main component of the Campaign for Equality's efforts will be door-todoor canvassing. Canvassing is a proven techique for countering misinformation ftnd for identifying supporters. The Campaign will conduct trainings on how to counter

2. Contributions. The initiative's proponents have undertaken a $1.3 million campaign to rally their _ support in Massachusetts.

Contributions must be raised for us to be successful. Contributions can be made to the Campaign for Equality, 398 Columbus Avenue, Suite 198, Boston, MA 02116.

3. Coalition. Groups and organizations that are against the initiative and willing to be listed as part of the coalition that makes up the Campaigh for Equality are needed for their support in these efforts.

The campaign in western Massachusetts is being led by the LGBT Political Alliance of Western Massachusetts. For more information, please call (413) 586-8876 or e-mail info@wmassalliance.org.

Roger Stawasz is a western Massachusetts native, a board member of the LGBT Political Alliance of Western Massachusetts , and a traveler on the road of life.

MRC GBQ Resources 路 For more information or new entries contact us at (413) 253-9887 Ext 10 mrc@valinet.com

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For Information: 413 253-9887 Allan Arnaboldi, Ext. 10.

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Challenge and Change: A Personal View

By John Kazlauskas, Jr. ha:Ilenge and change ... the two words are almost inseparable. one is necessarily responsible for the other. If we look at the ways we have been challenged, we can also see the ways we have changed. Now, challenge and change were not two words that could always have been used to d9cribe my life-though I'm sure to some degree my parents would describe raising me as a challenge. For most of my life I accepted the status quo-in fact, I hated change. I think it was only about two years ago that I was able to go from weating "fall" clothes to "winter" clothes without much hassle. But I've grown up. When it's cold ...I adapt, I put on a heavier coat. At this point a lot of you may be thinking, "What the heck is he talking about?" I was making a metaphor for life: when we are challenged, we adapt. We change.

- A very superficial example of this came up when I was shooting my . documentary video, Speak Up!: Improving the Lives of GLBT Youth . A lot of administrators were reluctant to let me record in their schools, fearing that straight students could be ' stigmatized by their involvement in this project. That alone, to me, spoke to the need for my film . Well, what did I do? I shot students-wait, that sounds bad~filmed students from the neck down. But that, as I said, is very superficial.

In a lot of ways·, life itself is a challenge. An example that hits home ~ for all of us is September ll.

Instantaneously, our country was challenged, and in many, many ways we were forced to change. I lived about 1,000 feet from the site of the World Trade Center in New York City, and standing less than a block away from the Twin Towers as they started to fall, I was challenged not only to try and survive, but to continue living my life while carrying the very tangible effects of my brush with death. In that spirit, I thank all the firefighters and police who risked-and in some cases gave-their own lives to save countless thousands of lives, inch,1ding my own, on September ll . I was challenged, and I am forever changed.

What does this· theme have to do with my life a_~...a young man? Well,

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here I am: a y01,mg, white, Catholic male who , without trying to, sometimes passes as straight. Looking at my social identity is itself a challenge for me: What am I going to do with the unearned privilege I have in my life? Blindly accept it or risk its comfort to workJor equality? In accepting that challenge-in actively fighting sexism, racism, heterosexism, ableism, all the -isms-I am working toward change. And in this struggle toward change I am not alone. I am constantly supported by like-m\nded people. Even when it feels like a lqng uphill struggle alone, I can never lose sight of the support I daily feel , eyen from people who can't be physically with me. · But there is so much that needs to

be done. I am often faced with the dilemma of where to start. Which brings me to an old story that was passed through the generations that I'm sure some of you may already know, but please, bear with me.

There once was a man from Nantucket... his name was Bill (where did you think I was going with that?).

Bill had a beautiful golden retriever named Lucky. Now Bill was a very busy man and he worked all day long, leaving poor Lucky at home by herself. Well, as time passed, Bill would come home to find Lucky had made a huge mess in his house. So he took Lucky to the vet to see if he could figure out was wrong with her.

Nothing. So Bill went out and bought Lucky all kinds of toys to play wit?, · and still he'd come home to a mess. So he locked Lucky in just one room of his house to try and contain the mess,

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but eventually Lucky got out and still made a mess. There seemed to be no solution, so ·finally, Bill got rid of his dog.

You've never heard this story before? OK, that's beca;use I just made it up. But there is a point: faced with a problem in his life, Bill looked everywhere for answers but in himself. He failed-to realize that how. he acted, even in his own small world, affected others. So, "challenge and change" means looking at ourselves in the issues we wish to tackle. Looking to ourselves and the role we play in fighting or perpetuating inequality-looking to how we act, how we speak in trying to change the world. To me, it means recognizing the part that I play riot only in the solutions, but also in the problems, and adapting as a result.

Once we finally understand our roles in the world, ;we can begin to help bring change to others.

This applies in terms of people and nations as well. I believe that if we, as a country, saw the role we played in the world's problems-;-not just our role in the solutions-we would . probably be handling this war, for example, very differently. Selfreflection is a very, very difficult thing-look at how long it took me to wear winter clothes withou.t a problem-but besides·being hard, it can also be very, very rewarding and important work in starting to elicit change. john Kazlauskas graduated summa cum laude from the University of Massachusetts, Amherst, and is now a graduate student at New York University. He has been active in gay and lesbian issues and peer education, ' and produced a film called Speak Up! :

· Improving the Lives of GLBT Youth.

He received the Ozzy Klate Memorial Youth Award from the Mens Resource Center at its 2001 Challenge &: Change Celebration in November.

A Therapist Confronts Male Sexual Victimization

Betrayed As Boys

By Richard B. Gartner n .1988, I started treating the first man I specifically conceptualized as having been sexually abused in boyhood. I had been in practice for more than 15 years, as a dynamically oriented psychotherapist, as a systems-orjented family therapist, and finally as an interpersonal psychoanalyst.

In retrospect, I realize that "Patrick" was certainly not the first man I treated who had a history of childhood sexual betrayal.

He was not even the first to tell me about inappropriate or unwanted premature sexual experiences with older friends, relatives, or caretakers. I was, however, a product of my own training, and a prevailing conventional wisdom among clinicians that such stories should be treated cautiously because of the â&#x20AC;˘ ¡ likelihood that they emerged from patients' fantasy lives and wish fulfillments. So, while I had not doubted my patients' stories, I also had not encoded them as descriptions of sexual abuse. Nor had I thought about patterns of behavior commo9 in men with histories of childhood sexual betrayal.

My work with Patrick proved to be a watershed for me. As he slowly began to recall horrifying stories of sexual abuse in early childhood, I was forced to rethink how to understand them. If they were entirely fantasies, then Patrick was floridly psychotic, which I did not believe. But if his stories were even partly true, then he had been the Victim of grievous crimes perpetrated by his father and brother. As time went on, the picture became fuller as his sister confirmed that she too had been sexually abused by their father. My doubts about Patrick's stories dissipated. Instead, I began to think about how his adult symptoms of recurrent depression, night terrors about a stranger breaking into his room, obsessive but impersonal sexual fantasies, long-term isolation, and difficulties in interpersonal relationships all made sense in the context of chronic sexual abuse in early childhood.

I began to educate myself about the literature on childhood sexual abuse, which focuses mainly on women. As I sought help from colleagues, my interest in sexually abused men grew, and I began to get referrals of other men (and women) with similar histories. More referrals came when I started a group for these men after I could not find one in New York City for Patrick.

Once I began to work with men who defined themselves as having been sexually abused, I started to think about other patients differently. I was more likely to inquire into their early sexual histories.

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Interestingly, more patients told me about inappropriately sexual childhood histories without my ever asking. My receptivity about the subject had in some way been communicated to them.

When a patient I had treated for several years during and after my psychoanalytic training returned to see me after an absence of some five years, I was especially struck by how much my thinking had been transformed. He reminded me that just before he stopped treatment he had asked whether I thought he might have had a history of boyhood sexual abuse, even though he had no actual memories of it. Confused about

how to explore this possibility in .the absence of memories, I had given an equivocal response. He now told me that shortly thereafter he stopped the treatment "in despair."

I now realized how limited my thinking had been . This man's symptom picture-which included obsessive and compulsive sexuality, masochism, crossdressing, and severe interpersonal isolation and distrust-was certainly consonant with a history of childhood sexual abuse.

Nevertheless, I had never thought in such terms during his earlier treatment.

Incest and the sexual abuse of children have long been taboo and misunderstood subjects in popular culture ; nd the clinical literature. Sexual victimization of all children has chronically been denied in our society; the sexual victimization of boys, however, is even more universally minimized, underestimated, and ridiculed than the abuse of girls.

Perhaps these social views of¡male sexual victimization have started to change as stories about boys' sexual victimization gain greater currency in the popular press.

Scandals have been widely reported about victimization of boys by men in church, scouting, Internet, child care, and sports venues.

Interestingly, in each of these stories the victimizer came from outsitle the family, reflecting some researcl1 findings that most abused boys suffer. from extrafamilial victimization. Inc'estuous abuse of boys is virtually never reported in the press, however, even though its prevalence is also well documented.

Indeed, denial of the extent of childhood incest has been almost universal in our society: to believe in the widespread incidence of incest is to question the sanctity of the family, where children are thought to be protected from harm.

The pervasiveness of the denial of childhood sexual betrayal, especially the sexual abuse of boys, was illuminated for me several years ago. I was invited to an international conference to give a paper about the treatment of sexually abused men. Just as I was leaving for the foreign city that was hosting the meeting, the conference program came. My paper was not listed in it. Surprised, I called the program chair when I arrived. He did not remember me or my paper. At that moment, I felt the sense of unreality that patients have told me they experience in the face of their family's denial of ongoing sexual abuse.

Flustered and confused after a day-long flight, I momentarily wondered if I was mistaken about the initial request to read my paper. I grounded myself when I realized that the conference chair's letter of invitation was in my hand as I spoke to him. He apologized and found a place for me on a panel at the meeting, albeit one on which none of the other papers related to mine. The addition of my paper to the program was announced once at the conference opening, but was not listed on any of the notices posted around the meeting rooms until I insisted. At the panel itself, the moderator, an American scholar and psychoanalyst, permitted the speaker before me to continue for 15 minutes beyond his allotted 25 . Seven minutes after I began to talk about the experiences of sexually abused men, this moderator handed me a note that read "Can you wrap this up? We're supposed to be having a coffee break now." Luckily, continued on page 22

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Survivor Column continued from page 21 several colleagues in the audience protested that·they wanted to hear my paper.

At another conference, this one specifically concerned with male sex ual victimization, I met several people who helped me to focus my own writing about this subject and to find my voice. One was an experienced , psychoanalytically trained therapist from a southeastern co mmunity. Of retirement age, he said he had come to the conference for help in writing an article about treating patients with trauma histories.

At first , his comments at presentations focused on the intellectual and did actic components of what was being addressed. He seemed to be trying to minimize or deflect others from the wells of feeling that were being tapped by the material. After listening to both therapists and nonclinicians express their emotional responses to what they were hearing, he rigidified his approach until he was confronted about this by another member of a workshop he took. He grew silent, then, astonishingly, began to weep. He poured out the story of his own sexual abuse. In the 50 or more years since these experiences, he had never hinted about them to another soul except his analyst, and even then he apparently had minimized their impact. By the end of the conference, he found several kindred spirits, seemed looser and far more open, and also achieved his initial goal of learning more about the psychological impact of trauma.

My writing and therapeutic practice are deeply influenced by my belief that most sexually abused men want and need much more th~n mere "symptom removal "; rather, they seek to develop a more nearly consolidated sense of self, a greater attunement to their emotional lives, and an increased ability to develop and maintain a tie with an intimate other. I believe this is most likeJy to happen in a therapeutic experience that carefully examines the relational aspects of all a man's actions and internal psychological events. When I work with a sexually abused man, the intricacies of his specific situation, history, and character beco me the foreground of our work; no one is fully defined by an "abuse history."

I am deeply grateful to those who gave me permission to describe our work. My relationships with all the men I have worked with and written about have moved me and changed how I look at human interacti on. These men have courageously faced terrifying pasts. Their stories have stirred me, their resolution in the fa ce of their histories has astonished me. I h ave learned from them more than I can say.

Richard B. Gartner, PI1.D., is the director of the William Alanson White Institute's Center for the Study of Psychological Trauma in New Yorh City, founder and director of the Center's Sexual Abuse Program. and a trained family therapist and interpersonal psychoanalyst who practices in Manhattan and Brooklyn. He is the editor of Memories of Sexual Betrayal: Truth, Fantasy, Repression, and Dissociation u.J

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(1997). This articl e was excerpted and adapted from his booh Betrayed as Boys: Psychodynamic Treatment of Sexually Abused Men, copyright 1999, and is used by permission of the publisher, Guilford PubHcations, Inc., ?2 Spring Street, New Yorh, NY 10012, (212) 4319800, www.guilford.com.

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SUPPORT GROUP PROGRAMS . Open Men's Group- 7-9 p.m . Sunday evenings at the MRC Amherst office, Tuesday evenings 7-9 p.m. at 218 State St., Northampton. A facilitated drop-in group for men to talk about their lives and to support each other. · Men Who Have Experienced Childhood Abuse and Neglect - Specifically for men who have experienced any kind of childhood abuse or neglect. 7-8:30 p.m. Friday evenings at the MRC. · Gay, Bisexual, & Questioning 7-9 p.m. Monday evenings at the MRC. Discussion group on issues of sexual orientation. · GBQ Brunch- Last Sunday of the month, Noon- 2 p.m. at the MRC. FATHERING PROGRAMS A variety of resources are available -Fathers and Family Network monthly workshops, lawyer referrals, parenting guidance, workshops, educational presentations and conferences. Group and individual counseling for new and expectant, s,eparatedldivorced, gay, step, adoptive and other fathers/father figures.

YOUTH PROGRAMS . Radio Active Youth (RAY): Monthly youth radio show on WMUA (91.1 FM); third Monday each month at 5:30p.m. · Young Men of Color Leadership Project, Amherst . Young Men's Leadership Development/Violence Prevention, Holyoke & Northampton .

MEN OVERCOMING VIOLENCE (MOVE) MRC state-certified batterer intervention program serves both voluntary and court-mandated men who have been physically violent or verbally/emotionally abusive. Fee subsidies available. · Basic Groups: Groups for self-referred (20 weeks) and courtmandated ( 40 weeks) men are held in Amherst, Athol, Ware, Springfield, .and Greenfield. . · Follow-up: Groups for men who have completed the basic program and want to continue in their recovery are available in Northampton and Amherst. · Partner Services: Free phone support, resources, referrals and weekly support groups are available for partners of men in the MOVE program. · Prison Groups: A weekly MOVE group is held at the Hampshire

County jail and House of Corrections. · Community Education and Training: Workshops and training on domestic violence and clinical issues in batterer intervention are available. · Speakers' Bureau: Formerly abusive men who wa nt to share their experiences with others to help prevent family violence are available to speak at schools and human service programs.

WORKSHOPS AND TRAINING Available to colleges, schools, human service organizations, and businesses on topics such as "Sexual Harassment Prevention and Response," "Strategies and Skills for Educating Men," "Building Men's Community," and "Challenging Homophobia," among other topics. Specific trainings and consultation available.

PUBLICATIONS · Voice Male: Published quarterly, the MRC magazine includes articles, essays, reviews and resources, and services related to men and masculinity. · Children, Lesbians, and Men: Men's Experiences as Known and Anonymous Sperm Donors, a 60-page manual which answers the questions men have, with first-person accounts by men and women "who have been there ."

RESOURCE AND REFERRAL SERVICES Information about even(s, counselors, groups, local, regional and national activities, and support programs for men.

Interested In A Men's Resource Center Speaker?

A Workshop or Training?

Contact Carl Erikson at (413) 253-9887 mrc@valinet.com

Subscribe Now! I I I I I I I I I I

Subscribe to Voice Male ~nd keep informed about the Men's Resource Center of Western Massac husetts and news of changing men.

With your subscription comes news of the MRC, which includes mailings of MRC events and, of course, Voice Male.

YES! I want to subscribe to Voice Male and support the MRC.

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Please consider one of these special contributions Mail to: MRC 236 No. Pleasant St., Amherst, Mass. 01002

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Men's Resources Resources for Gay, Bisexual and Questioning Men (on page 17) The American Cancer Society (413) 734-6000 Prostate support groups, patient support groups, nutritional supplements, dressings and supplies, literature, low-cost housing, and transportation.

Brattleboro Area AIDS Project (802) 254-4444; free , confidential HIV/AIDS services, including support, prevention counseling and volunteer opportunities.

Children's Aid and Family Service (413) 584-5690 Special needs adoption services. Counseling for individuals, families and children, with a play therapy room for working with children. Parent aid program for parents experiencing stress.

HIV Testing Hotline (BOO) 750-2016 Interfaith Community Cot Shelter 582-9505 (days) or 586-6750 (evenings) Overnight shelter for homeless individuals - 123 Hawley St., Northampton. Doors open at 6 PM. Sex & Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA) (800) 749-6879 Referrals available for 12-step groups throughout New England.

TRY Resource/Referral Center for Adop!lon Issues Education and support.services for adoptees, adoptive parents, professionals, etc.

Support group meetings first Wednesday and third Sunday of each month. Ann Henry - (413) 584-6599.

iJJ1HJil1 Resources Men's Resource Center of Western Massachusetts: www.mrc-wma.com National Men's Resource Center National calendar of events, directory of men's services and a listing of books for positive change in men's roles and relationships. www.menstuff.org The Man's Issues Page: www.vix.com/pub/men/index.html 100 Black Men, Inc.: www.1OObm.org Pro-feminist men's groups listing: www.femin ist.com/pro.htm Pro-feminist mailing list: http://coombs.anu.edu.au/- gorkin /profem.html

At Home Dad: www.parentsplace.com/readroom /athomedad The Fathers Resource Center: www.slowlane.com/frc National Fatherhood Initiative: www.cyfc.umn.edu/Fathernet The Fatherhood Project: www. fatherhoodproject. org Maaaz{nes

Psychotherapy for:

Couples - Families Individuals

413-586-7454

Reed Schimmelfing MSW, LICSW · Offices In Northampton

Sam Femiano, Th.D., Ed,D. _,

LICENSED CLINICAL PSYCHOLOGIST

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Therapy groups for male survivors of childhood abuse

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25 MAIN STREET- NORTHAMPTON, MA 01060 TEL: 413-586-0515 • Fax: 413-584--8903 • EMAIL: PATSAM®JAVANET.COM

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Quitting Pornography, Man Speak Out: www.geocities.com/CapitaiHIIi/1139 /qultporn.html Vo/uoteBCS /JHJJl1l AIDS CARE/ Hampshire County (413) 586-82898 Help make life easier and friendlier for our neighbors affected by HIV or AIDS. Men are especially needed.

Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Hampshire County We are looking for men to be Big Brothers in the Hampshire County area. Big Brothers act as mentors and role models to boys ·who need a caring adult friend. To learn more about being a Big Brother, call (413) 253-2591.

Planned Parenthood of Western Massachusetts 413 732-2363 Outreach volunteers wanted to help distribute Information about Planned Parenthood's services, promote safe sex practices, and rally support for pro-choice legislation at various events.

Men's Resource Center (413) 253-9887 Distribution, ad sales and mailings for Voice Male, general office work, special projects, etc. Flexible schedules.

Achlles Heel (from Great Britain): www.stejonda.demon.co.uk/achilles /lssues.html

Readv to Change Your Life?

Men's Group Therapy

XY:men, sex politics (from Australia): http://coombs.anu.edu.au/- gorkin/XY /xyintro.htm Ending Men's VIolence Real Men: www.cs.utk.edul-bartley/other/reaiMen.html The Men's Rape Prevention Project: www.mrpp.org/intro.html

STATE EMPLOYEES (INCLUDING UMASS AND STATE COLLEGES):

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GIVETOTHEMRC AT WORK

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Now you can contribute to the Men's Resource Center through COMECC payroll deductions. Contact your payroll administrator, ·o r call the MRC at (413) 253· 988 7, ext. 13 for more information.

The Mythic Warrior -A 9-month Training for Men Meeting one weekend a month for nine months, beginning in October, 2001, we will enact a modem-day hero's joumey, a

Men's Search for Masculinity and the Sacred.

Using depth psychology, ritual, initiatory activities, and group processes, we will cross the threshold of the sacred, developing personal and male rituals to support and guide us thiough life, creaing self-trust and a healthy masculinity to heal ourselves,

families, and C.9tmnunities.

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"Life transforming... "- D.C. , Collinsville, CT

For further information contact Sparrow Hart: (802) 387-6624 or (sparrow@Jogether.net) ,. Or write: Circles of Air and Stone PO Box 48, Putney, VT 05346

IS THIS SOMEONE YOU KNOW? a

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a OoH ht put htr clown and htr fN& bacl about htrNif? a It ht nlrtlnel'f jNioua? a OoH ht control Wit tht don. anclw• tht .... and tal~ to? a t\at ht WM' udt angr1 or ttwNttning g.turN to.ard htr? a t\at ht Wtr vtrball'f thrNttntd htr? a t\at ht WM' ~ a wall or CINti'O'fld pot..ttlont In angtr? a t\at ht WM' hit or tlapptd htr or tht chadrtn? a OoH ht t.U htr lt't -...r fa14t• ma~

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If you can answer "Yes" to fZ".J of these questions, your friend or family member may have a problem with abuse.

Without help, it could get worse. At Men Overcoming Violence, he ltm leam to change. Encourage him to call us to sc;hedule a.confidential appointment with one of our trained staff. We can help ...before it's too late.

M OVE MEN OVER(OMI.NG VIOLEN(E Amhmt: (413) 253-9588 Sprintfuld: (413) 734-3438 Grr:mfield· (413) 773-8181 Athol/ 0f1Ztf_gt: (978) 575-9994

APROC: RAMOFTHIE MIEN'S RESOURCE CENTER OF WIEST ERN MASSACHUSETTS

The Men's Resource Center is truly a community organization. We have grown to where we are now because hundreds of people have shared our inspiration and commitment, and contributed their time, services, and money toward a vision of personal and social transformation. As our programs and services continue to grow in size and scope, we see that the size and scope of our community support also expand. We are filled with deep gra titude at the ·o utpouring of support.

We h ope the following ackn owledgmen ts communicate a sense of being part of a growing community of support Thank you .

Donated Space Ham pshire Community Actio n Commission, Pioneer Valley Cohousing In-Kind Donations Antonio's Pizza, Henion Bakery Interns Caitlin Blaney, Caleb Moon Telephone System Support Jim Levey And ... Supporters of the 2001 Challenge &: Change Celebration!

Always in Bloom Florists; Amh erst Regional Middle. School Faculty and Staff; Lisa Baskin ; Jean J Beard ; Olivia Bernard; Blair, Cutting &: Smith Lnsurance; Common Wealth Printing; Kelly and Charlie DeRose; Florence Savings Bank; Greenfield Cooperative Bank; Mary Hale; Jolene Harris; Margaret G. Holt and Lee E. Holt; Dewitt and Edith Hornor; jack Hornor and Ron Skinn; Integrity Developmen t and Construction ; Bailey Jackson; Amy Kahn and J eff McQueen; Jenny Ladd; Jim Levey and Christine Olson; George and Arky Markham; Media Education Foundation; j oseph Minton ; Neighbors and Friends·of Bariy Brooks; Ozzy Klate Memorial Fund; Pioneer Valley Cohousing Community members; David Rosenmjller ; District Attorney Elizabeth D. Scheibel; Silverscape Design; Diane Troderman ; United Way of Pioneer Valley; Paki Wieland and Dusty Miller; Martin Wohl and Marisa Labozzetta; Felice Yeske! and Felicia Mednick f'ol

As always, we extend our gratitude to the MRC Board of Directors and Advisory : Board for the ongoing guidance and support they give to this ·organization and all who are a part of it. are also grateful to our volunteers who support us in so many ways.

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Thursday, December 13 (6 p.m.)

Amherst, Massachusetts Author Becky Thompson, signing A Promise and a Way of Life Thompson's book shows the ways, both public and personal, in which whites have opposed racism during several movements: the Civil Rights and Black Power movements, multiracial feminism , the Central American peace movement, the struggle for antiracist education, and activism against the prison ' industry. location: Food for Thought Books, 106 North Pleasant Street. Information: Tel. ( 413) 253-5432, Fax ( 413) 256-8329; info@foodforthoughtbooks.com; www.foodforthoughtbooks.com.

Thursday, December 13 (12 :30 p.m.)

Amherst, Massachusetts In the Interest of Love and Liberation: MultiraciaVAntiracist Lesbian Feminist HisJoriography Part of the U Mass lBGT Studies lecture Series. Becky Thompson, professor of African American Studies, Women's Studies, and Sociology at Simmons College, examines the history of second-wave feminism from the poil').t of view of lesbian activists often invisible to mainstream feminist history; a telling which reveals the centrality of anti racism in feminist historiography. Free and open to the public. location: U Mass Campus Center Room 90408. Information: The Stonewall Center, 256 Sun5et Ave. Office, Crampton House/SW, University of Massachusetts, Amherst, MA 01003-9324; Tel. ( 413) 545-3824; Fax (413) 545-6667.

Saturday, December 15 (8 p.m.)

Amherst, Massachusetts An Evening of Remembrance & Celebration: music, images, and poetry inspired by the life & death of O:z;zy Klate (2125/77 12115/9-4) Readings by Martin Espada, Michael Veve, and others. Musical Selections from the new CD The Muse at the Edge of Forever by Jonathan Klate. Slide show of original images inspired by the songs created by Deborah Koff-Chapin, designer of Soul Cards (tm). Donations of any amoupt welcomed at the door to benefit The Ozzy Klate Memorial Fund. Since 1995 the ·

fund has provided support to various community organizations and charities. location: Jones library Community Room.

Information: (413) 253-0444.

of Rhode Island. Information: P.O. Box 17441, Esmond, RI 02917; (401) 231-4785, John Blakeslee (no calls after 8 p.m., please); www.members. tripod.cornl rimensga~ering; SnowRI@juno.com.

. Sunday, January 27 Cambridge, Massachusetts One Million Voices A benefit for Million4Roe to ·entertain and enlighten people on issues surrounding politics and women's health. The ali-day event will include various presenters on the issue, musical and speaking performances, and informative workshops designed to educate and stimulate. The benefit will be a womenrun event, but all are encouraged to attend.

Information: info@onemillionvoices.org;

Friday, March 1 -Saturday, March 2 Cambridge, Massachusetts Treating Suic~dal and Other Self-Harmful Behaviors in Adolescents and Adults The Dept. of Psychiatry in the Harvard Medical School. Dept. of Continuing Education and Cambridge Hospital offer this two-day conference for physicians, educators, and other professionals. Topics cqvered include: Why have suicide and self-mutilation become major problems? How can we prevent and treat these problems as well as those of bullying, addictive behaviors, eating disorders, etc.? Cost: $300 for physicians, $225 for other professionals (inc. residents and fellows) .

Information: Cambridge Hospital Professional Services - Continuing Education, PO Box 398075, Inman Square, .Cambridge, MA 02139; Tel. (617) 503-3462, Fax. (617) 5033462; E-mail cme@challiance.org.

~.onemillionvoices.org.

Friday, February 1 - Saturday, February 2 Cambridge, Massachusetts 25 Years of Addiction Treatment The Dept. of Psychiatry in the Harvard Medical School Dept. of Continuing Education and Cambridge Hospital offer this two-day conference for physicians, educators, and other professionals. Faculty will examine the biological, psychological, and sociological influences and consequences of addictive behaviors for both ado~escents and adults, what has remained constant and what changes and scientific advances have transpired in the treatment of these addictions. Cost: $300 for physicians, $225 for 'o ther professionals (including residents and fellows) .

Information: Cambridge Hospital Professional .

Services- Continuing Education, PO Box 398075-Inman Square, Cambridge, MA 02139; Tel. (617) 503-3462, Fax. (6 17) 503-3462; Email cme@challiance.org.

Friday, February 15- Sunday, February 17 West Greenwich, Rhode Island Rhode Island Men's Gathering Purpose: to connect, learn, and gain support.

Participant-led, optional workshops and spontaneous indoor, outdoor, musical and artistic R&:R For men of all ages and walks of life. Cost: $85- $125 sliding scale, including meals and lodging. Partial scholarships available. At: forested Environmental Education Center, W Alton Jones Campus, U.

Thursday, March 7- Friday, March 8 Marlboro, Massachusetts The 3rd ~nual New England Fathering Conference: Building the Future of Fathering This conference is for everyone supporting and promoting fathering and working to develop, improve, and sustain programs and services for dads. This year's conference will also· feature a skill-based track for dads presently enrolled in fathering programs. include the following: Creating and Topics Managing Fatherhood Programs, Why Is · · Father Involvement Important?, Crea tingJob Programs for Dads, Successful Head Start Fatherhood Initiatives, Establishing National · Standards for Fatherhood Programs, and more.

At the Royal Plaza Conference Center.

Information: New England Fathering Conference, do For Fathering Project, The Medical Foundation, 95 Berkeley Street, Boston, MA 02116.

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Process-Oriented Bodywork uses gentle touch and dialoguing with the

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body's messages to encourage physical and emotional healing on many

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levels. This process leads t9 profound new insights into our histories and behaviors, and deepens our understanding of who we truly are.

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413.586.3472

ProcessBodywork@aol.com

Amherst

Regional Social Work Conference Location: Western New England College.

Information: (413) 782-1473 .

Friday, March 22 -Sunday, March 24 Nashville, Tennessee American Men's Studies Association lOth Annual Men's Studies Conference "Passing on the History. .. Putting Together the Future. " Location: Vanderbilt University Divinity School. Information: AMSA, 382 Coyote LaneSE, Albuquerque, NM 87123; www.mensstudies.org.

Friday, April 26- Sunday, April 28 Pottstown, Pennsylvania Boys, Violence, Schools: Building Bridges, Connecting Differences This conference, sponsored by the Men's International Peace Exchange (MIPE), is an opportunity to share what what you are doing, to learn how what you do fits with what others are doing, and/or to explore how you can work with others who are doing different yet supportive endeavors. The intention of the conference is to acquire tools and to create support for generating a "peaceful" school.

Location: Fellowship Farm in Pottstown, Pa. Information: Men's International Peace Exchange, PO Box 36, Swarthmore, PA 19081; Tel. (610) 872-8178; E-mail mipeOO@aol.com.

Friday, May 10- Sunday, May 12 North Oxford, Massachusetts Massachusetts Men's Gathering 26 Participant-led weekend with workshops, sweat lodge, talent show; poetry, fire circle.

Barton Conference Center. Information: Full description and photos at website,. www.massmensgathering.org, or call Chris at (6I7) 282-3521.

The Power of· Positive Eating Organic F~Uits & Vegetables • Bulk Grains and Beans ~ Whole Grain Bakery • Delicatessen • Cafi ~ l.. Organic Wines • Microbrewery Beers ) ~ Natural Meats • Sparkling Seafood 9 NaiurOJ Health & Body Care • Fresh Flowers

Bread & Circus WHOLE FOODS MARKET Russell Sl (Rl 9), Hadley, MA 41~586-9932 Hours: Monday- Sunday: 9am- 9pm

MICHAEL R. VERRILLI, DO OSTEOPATHIC AND COMPLEMENTARY MEDICINE 1.6 CENTER STREET SUITE 523 NORTHAMPTON, MA 01060 "A PHYSICIAN WITH A SPIRITUAL FOCUS"

Weekly Drop-in Support Groups:

Tel (413) 584-5921

BY APPOINTMENT For All Men Amherst: Every Sunday evening at the Men's Resource Center, 236 N. Pleasant Street, 7:00 - 9:00 p.m. Northampton: Every Tuesday evening at the Hampshire Community Action Commission (HCAC), 218 State Street, 7:009:00p.m.

For Gay, Bisexual, and Questioning Men Amherst: Every Monday evening at the Men's Resource Center, 236 N. Pleasant Street, 7:00 - 9:00 p.m.

For Men Who Experienced Childhood Abuse or Neglect Amherst: Every Friday evening at the Men's Resource Center, 236 N. Pleasant Street, 7:00- 8:30p.m.

All groups are facilitated by trained volunteers.

Please send all calendar listings for events from March 1, 2001 to june 30, 2002-and beyond- to: Voice Male Calendar, to mrc®valinet.com; or MRC, 236 No. Pleasant St., Amherst, MA 01002; Fax (413) 2534801. Deadline for Spring 2002 issue: january 31, 2002.

Konza Massage Deep tissue, sports, structural body worlc and relaxation therapy for men

Joseph Babcock 413.587.4334 A.M.T.A Member

Very Reasonable Rates

Nationally Certified

Robert Mazer

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psychotherapy for men in transition, men seeking movement in their lives

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256-0772

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And then all that has divided us will merge And then compassion will be wedded to power And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind And .then both men and women will be gentle And then both women and men will be strong And then no person will be subject to another's will And then all be rich and free and varied And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of. many And then路 all will share equally in the Earth's abundance 路And then all will nourish the young And then all will cherish life's creatures And then all will live in harmony with each other and the Earth And then everywhere will be called Eden once again. ,

-'Judy Chicago