FROM THE EDITOR The PDF Center for Peace & Justice
Finding Community By Rob Okun
Voice Male
peace and justice (www.earthaction.org); the Prison Birth Project, a cutting-edge organization founded in 2008 providing vital services to incarcerated mothers (www. theprisonbirthproject.org), and Voice Male,
The PDF Center for Peace and Justice
today will be the day a group working for economic justice learns it’s been awarded a grant; or that activists who’ve designed an action to save a forest learn they succeeded in stopping a timber company’s clearcutting project; or that the children of an imprisoned mom receive a bag of winter clothes and toys. So as we wait for the water to boil in the kitchen, or pass on the stairs on the way to the copy machine, we might exchange news of an invitation to lead a workshop, or simply share that one of our daughters is coming up for a visit from New Orleans. Such basic acts of our human connection—of our ability to appreciate the intertwining of lives—strengthen us in ways we might miss if we were working in a different environment. I don’t want to till the patch of ground cultivating a new kind of manhood alone; it is important to me to be part of a community, and to contradict the lone ranger tendency I’ve been socialized to accept. While the virtual community of brothers and sisters found on the Internet and through social media has its place, it cannot substitute for face-to-face connection. The staff, interns, volunteers, visitors, friends—even the UPS and FedEx drivers— passing though our doors are all part of the web we’re weaving in this center devoted to a world where peace and justice trump war and prejudice. If you’re in the neighborhood (44 North Prospect St., Amherst, Mass.), stop in and visit us. We’d like that. Lois Barber
T
he greatest contradiction to men’s isolation and aloneness is being in community—from being part of a family to the sense of belonging found in a men’s group; from the comfort of a faith community to the camaraderie of a weekly basketball game. Men are hungry for that sense of connectedness even when we can’t even feel our own hunger pains—occluded as they too often are by the many wounds we carry. But our lives are enriched when we leave the bunkers of our solitude, dodge the perceived landmines of loneliness, and find our place in the larger circle of community. For many years, Voice Male was part of a pioneering men’s center, where the magazine was nourished by the camaraderie of a vibrant staff of women and men sharing a hopeful vision of healthy masculinity, safety and respect for women and girls, and gender justice (see the Men’s Resource Center for Change ad on the inside back cover, www. mrcforchange.org). Since the magazine first began publishing independently a few years ago, we’ve been hungering for that feeling of connectedness and, happily, we have found it. iEarlier this autumn, three organizations and this magazine, all sharing space in a warm and comfortable old carriage house built in 1860 in the center of Amherst, Massachusetts, decided to come together as the PDF Center for Peace & Justice. The community we have created includes the Peace Development Fund, which next year will celebrate three decades of providing grants to grassroots social justice groups around the country (www.peacedevelopmentfund. org); Earth Action, a quarter-century-old organization that advocates citizens take bold action on behalf of the environment,
which began as an organizational newsletter in 1983 and next year will mark its 15th anniversary as a magazine chronicling the profeminist, antiviolence men’s movement. At a time when the nonprofit world (along with the rest of the country) continues to feel the aftershocks of the Great Recession, collaboration makes good sense. More than that, though, walking into the center each morning and feeling I’m in a place where the vision and values I hold dear are shared by my cohorts is equivalent to a powerful vitamin kicking in, offering energy, sure, but also wisdom, understanding, laughter, and tears for our fragile world. It is comforting to know we all are putting our shoulders to different parts of the wheel of positive social change—maybe
Voice Male editor Rob Okun can be reached at rob@voicemalemagazine.org.
Fall 2010
Volume 14 No. 51
Changing Men in Changing Times www.voicemalemagazine.org
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Features 8 How Can Boys Come of Age in Today’s World? By Philip Snyder
12 Steps Toward a Conscious Spiritually Informed Masculinity By Alan Berkowitz
14 Fathers in Film
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By John Farr
16 New Rules for Sports‘man’ship By Brian Heilman
19 Ambush on T Street: When Men’s Hearts Crack Open By Chris Rohmann
22 A “Teachable Moment” About Rape By Jackson Katz
25 Liberation from “Real Man” Syndrome By Ned Resnikoff
28 An International Men’s Call: End Violence in the Congo!
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Columns & Opinion 2 4 5 7 11 27 28 32
From the Editor Letters Men @ Work Women@ Work OutLines
Jump-starting the Stalled Gender Revolution by Joan C. Williams The Dangers of Coming Out in Africa
Books and Film Poetry
So This Is What the Living Do By E. Ethelbert Miller
Resources
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ON THE COVER: Autumn Green Man (acrylic and gouache on canvas) by Voice Male art director Lahri Bond
male positive • pro-feminist • open-minded Fall 2010
Mail Bonding Connecting the Dots
Rob A. Okun Editor
Lahri Bond
Art Director
Michael Burke Copy Editor
Zach Bernard Intern
National Advisory Board Juan Carlos Areán
Family Violence Prevention Fund
John Badalament The Modern Dad
Eve Ensler V-Day
Byron Hurt
God Bless the Child Productions
Robert Jensen
Prof. of Journalism Univ. of Texas
Sut Jhally
Media Education Foundation
Bill T. Jones
Bill T. Jones/Arnie Zane Dance Co.
Jackson Katz
Mentors in Violence Prevention Strategies
Michael Kaufman
White Ribbon Campaign
Joe Kelly
The Dad Man
Michael Kimmel
Prof. of Sociology SUNY Stony Brook
Charles Knight
Other & Beyond Real Men
Don McPherson
Mentors in Violence Prevention
Mike Messner
Prof. of Sociology Univ. of So. California
Craig Norberg-Bohm
Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe
Chris Rabb
Afro-Netizen
Haji Shearer
Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund
Shira Tarrant
Prof. of Gender Studies, California State Long Beach
Voice Male
I’ve been enjoying reading Voice Male this afternoon. I first learned about the magazine while at the office of the Utah Coalition Against Sexual Assault (UCASA) where my friend, Alana Kindness, is the executive director. By profession I’m a domestic violence resource prosecutor (that’s 40 percent of my position), which means I train other prosecutors, police, victim advocates, and others in the area of violence against women, and I help coordinate conferences on related issues. I suppose there is a convergence between my personal outlook about the prospects for change, healing and recovery, and what I do professionally; specifically, the prospects for real healing for at least low-level violent offenders, which generally happens outside the legal system. I’m thinking here of Violence Anonymous, of notions presented in the documentary The Dhamma Brothers, of Sara Elinoff Acker’s forthcoming book, Unclenching Our Fists, about 15 offenders who have turned things around, and of the latest brain research on neurogenesis and neuroplasticity and what that suggests about the favorable prospects for change for violent offenders
and others. Since I got the sense Voice Male promotes positive themes and themes of men rebuilding their lives, and encourages healthy outlooks for men, I ordered it. Edward Berkovich Salt Lake City, Utah
Gender Peace Accord I was moved by the editorial in the Summer 2010 issue, “Men’s Second Act.” I like the idea of what the piece described as “the Coming Gender Peace Accord.” As part of our work with boys, we are looking at ways to incorporate work with girls and discussions of nonviolence. I hope to reach out to women to get them more involved, too. This Voice Male editorial fits the vision I am working towards of men, women, boys and girls working together for a common good. Dave Bolduc Executive Director Boys to Men Richmond, Virginia Letters may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray Street, Amherst, MA 01002.
VOICE MALE is published quarterly by the Alliance for Changing Men, an affiliate of Family Diversity Projects, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002. It is mailed to subscribers in the U.S., Canada, and overseas and is distributed at select locations around the country and to conferences, universities, colleges and secondary schools, and among non-profit and non-governmental organizations. The opinions expressed in Voice Male are those of its writers and do not necessarily reflect the views of the advisors or staff of the magazine, or its sponsor, Family Diversity Projects. Copyright © 2010 Alliance for Changing Men/Voice Male magazine. Subscriptions: 4 issues-$24. 8 issues-$40. For bulk orders, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call Voice Male at 413.687-8171. Advertising: For advertising rates and deadlines, go to voicemalemagazine.org or call at Voice Male 413.687-8171. Submissions: The editors welcome letters, articles, news items, reviews, story ideas and queries, and information about events of interest. Unsolicited manuscripts are welcomed but the editors cannot be responsible for their loss or return. Manuscripts and queries may be sent via email to www.voicemalemagazine.org or mailed to Editors: Voice Male, 33 Gray St., Amherst, MA 01002.
Men @ Work
Minnesota County Passes Anti-Porn Hotel Policy The Winona County, Minn. Board of Commissioners has passed a “clean hotel” and travel resolution reimbursing only county employees who stay in hotels that do not offer adult pay-perview pornography (Men@Work, Winter 2010). The resolution was designed to reduce and eliminate dealings with businesses that provide in-room adult pay-perview pornography. “It is the first such resolution of its kind in Minnesota and may be the first in the country,” according to Chuck Derry of the Men’s Action Network’s Gender Violence Institute. “It is part of a broader state and national effort to employ a public health model which focuses on changing the environment in which so much sexual and domestic violence is occurring.” The policy was initiated locally by the Winona County Sexual and Domestic Violence Primary Prevention Project, a community collaboration initiated in 2008 with the help of Joe Morse from Beyond Tough Guise, a local community group focused on engaging men and male youth in efforts to end violence against women and girls, and Lynn Theurer, the then director of the Winona County Community Health Services. Initial partners in the collaboration included the Winona Women’s Resource Center and Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Winona. Derry encourages readers to contact their state, tribal, and
local officials asking them to adopt similar policies to promote public and private divestiture from the pornography industry. For more information, including a complete copy of the resolution, go to the Minnesota Men’s Action Network: Alliance to Prevent Sexual and Domestic Violence website: www. menaspeacemakers.org.
“In Just One Day. . .” Consider: In just one day 1,648 participating local domestic violence programs (83%): assisted 65,321 adults and children through shelter, transitional housing, and advocacy; answered 23,045 hotline calls (over 16 calls every minute); and trained 30,735 attendees at 1,468 community education sessions. Such stats are among those found in the fourth annual Domestic Violence Counts: a 24hour census of domestic violence shelters and services overseen by the Safety Net Project & Census Team of the National Network to End Domestic Violence in Wahsington, D.C. The survey was conducted on September 15, 2009, and the report was released earlier this year, on International Women’s Day, March 8th. Here are some highlights: • 9,280 requests for services went unmet because of a lack of resources or staffing. Sixty percent of the unmet requests were for emergency shelter or transitional housing and 40% of the unmet requests were for nonresidential services. • 17,445 children under 18 spent the night of September 15, 2009, in a domestic violence shelter or transitional housing program (considerably more than the approximately 11,000 children who are born every day across the U.S.). For the full 2009 National Network to End Domestic Violence report and state summaries please
go to www.nnedv.org/census. For additional information, handouts, Frequently Asked Questions, and survey methodology, go to www. nnedv.org/census
Mansplaining: Explaining While Being Male “Mansplaining” (with apologies to Ricky Ricardo) is more than just the act of “explaining while male.” Many men manage to explain things every day without in the least insulting their listeners. Mansplaining is when a dude tells a woman how to do something she already knows how to do, or how she is wrong about something she is actually right about, or miscellaneous and inaccurate “facts” about something she knows a hell of a lot more about than he does. (Bonus points if he is explaining how she’s wrong about something being sexist.) Think about the men you know. Do any of them display that delightful mixture of privilege and ignorance that No Mansplaining, Ricky!
leads to condescending, inaccurate explanations, delivered with the rock-solid conviction of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course he is right, because he is the man in this conversation? That dude is a mansplainer. —Zuska (Suzanne E. Franks) “Mansplaining” first appeared in Thus Spake Zuska: a blog for all of us and no one. http://scienceblogs. com/thusspakezuska/2010/01/ you_may_be_a_mansplainer_ if.php.
NEW ConVERSATION FOR FATHERS & MEN Most children in single-parent homes are being raised by their mothers. According to the latest U.S. Census figures from November of 2009, 84 percent of custodial parents in the 13.7 million singleparent households in the U.S. are mothers, meaning only 16 percent of custodial parents are dads. Many fathers blame the court system, which they believe favors the mothers in most cases, but one expert believes that men have more control over that paradigm than they might think. “When it comes to deciding who gets the kids, it’s natural for judges to want to place them with the parent who is nurturing and sensitive,” says Michael Taylor, author of A New Conversation with Men. “Let’s face it. In most cases, it’s difficult to cast most fathers—even the good ones—in that light. But I don’t think it’s out of reach for any man to become that person…in his daily life.” Taylor believes that among greatest challenges society faces today is to redefine masculinity. “Most men are tired and frustrated with their lives and are looking for something new and different,” Taylor says. “Men want to learn to be genuinely happy with their lives” but most don’t know how to do so, beginning with the notion that they are supposed to be aloof and authoritarian. Among the first things men need to do, Taylor says, is to reject the media and “culture madness” that marginalizes men. Taylor believes “every man can learn to be a great husband, a great father and a trusted friend. To get there, we need to break the bonds of a culture that has taught us all the wrong things about what it means to be masculine, and embrace a new paradigm of masculinity that empowers them to reach their full potential.” Even though men have come of age in “a culture that teaches men that marriage is a prison, [continued on page 6] Fall 2010
Men @ Work and that being monogamous is somehow not manly… in fact, successful and happy husbands and fathers out there know that to be the opposite. If we can reverse these beliefs we will begin to see a dramatic reduction of issues like high divorce rates, high school dropouts, domestic abuse and high incarceration rates,” Taylor says. According to Taylor, the cornerstone of the new paradigm includes developing stronger connections to notions of love, compassion and understanding, acceptance and forgiveness— all signs of strength, not weakness. When men reject those aspects of themselves, Taylor believes, it leads to all sorts of dysfunction and unhappiness. It doesn’t have to be that way. To learn more, including how to get a copy of Taylor’s book, go to www.coachmichaeltaylor.com, or email Russ Handler at Russ@ NewsAndExperts.com.
“Coaching Boys into Men” Comes to India Well-known cricket coaches and players in Mumbai, India, are beginning to educate boys to treat girls with respect and recognize that violence is wrong, thanks to a new program that is based on lessons learned through the Family Violence Prevention Fund’s (FVPF) groundbreaking Coaching Boys into Men initiative. The new Parivartan pilot program was launched in India March 8, International Women’s Day. It has trained two dozen coaches and more than a dozen community mentors in Mumbai to take gender equity messages to the hundreds of boys learning cricketing skills from them. Using a variety of tools and methods, these cricket coaches have been taught to identify “teachable moments” on the field, and to point out inappropriate language and behavior and the need to change it. Parivartan will eventually be implemented in 50 private and government-aided schools and communities across Mumbai.
Voice Male
“I reluctantly joined the program last August,” said one of Parivartan’s master coaches, Nagesh Thakur, “but I am glad I did. I have always concentrated only on teaching kids how to hold the bat or throw the ball. I somehow accepted that boys use foul language on the ground; I never thought I can stop that and instill some values in them.” Girls and women in India are exposed daily to several forms of violence, “from routine ‘cat calling’ and sexual harassment to sometimes-fatal physical beatings at home,” according to Brian O’Connor, director of public communications at the Family Violence Prevention Fund. “Parivartan will help address these negative behaviors and attitudes. We hope to reach over 1000 boys with this innovative new program.” The FVPF developed Parivartan with the International Center for Research on Women, Mumbai School Sports Associa-
tion, Apanalya and Breakthrough. The work was made possible by a grant from the NIKE Foundation. The FVPF launched Coaching Boys into Men in 2001.
SEXUAL VIOLENCE, RISKY BEHAVIOR American Indian and Alaska native women living in urban areas are more likely than nonHispanic whites to report nonvoluntary first sexual intercourse, unintended and teen pregnancies, unprotected first sex, and first sex with older partners, according to findings in a new study from the Urban Indian Health Institute. The report calls the high rates of sexual violence experienced by those women “intolerable.” It recommends that “the context in which sexual violence occurs for urban American Indian and Alaska native communities must be examined closely to learn how to promote justice and address the underlying issues.”
Urban American Indian and Alaska native women who had been forced to have sexual intercourse were more likely than non-Hispanic whites to have initiated sex at a young age, lead researcher Shira Rutman told USA Today, what she called “a sign of early risky behavior.” The report, Reproductive Health of Urban American Indian and Alaska Native Women, recommends more youth-focused programming that addresses unintended pregnancy, poor birth outcomes and sexually transmitted infections, since risk factors were found to occur especially among young urban American Indian and Alaska native women. The report provides a national picture of reproductive health and sexual violence for American Indian and Alaska native women living in urban areas. It is the first study to examine data from the 2002 National Survey of Family Growth for this population.
Actually, Michael, No Really Means No Where are the voices of protest over the offensive “Sometimes No Means Yes” T-shirts being pedaled by the British-based Lush T-Shirts: the funny place for T-shirts? Funny? They pitch sales on their website with the promo scenario “In a nightclub, trying to get a girl to go home with you but she says No. Sometimes that could mean yes...”
Among the company’s other products are ”Football then Beer then Women,” “My Idea of a Balanced Diet is a Beer in Each Hand” and “Do I Look Like a Fucking People Person?” When an antiviolence activist sent an email to Lush T-Shirts (michael@ lushtshirts.co.uk) saying the shirts are “offensive to women
in general and for women who have been raped in particular, Lush’s “Michael” replied, “This T-shirt has nothing to do with rape, the girl may be playing hard to get.” If you don’t like these misogynistic, angry messages, consider letting Lush know (http://www.lushtshirts.co.uk/ sometimes-no-means-yestshirt-p-548.html).
To let Lush know what you think about their “amusing” tees, write spokesman “Michael,” at michael@lushtshirts.co.uk
Women @ Work
Jump-starting the Stalled Gender Revolution
FDR Library
by Joan C. Williams
Two sisters who left the farm to keep our airmen flying. NYA trainees at the Corpus Christi, Texas, Naval Air Base, Evelyn and Lillian Buxkeurple are shown working on a practice bomb shell manufactured during World War II.
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omen’s workforce participation This line of thought contests the common leveled off in the 1990s, leading assertion that the stall in progress towards some commentators to coo about a gender equality stems from women’s failure new “equilibrium,” intimating that all’s right to bargain effectively in the home. One promiin the world now that women do three times nent version of this argument is Linda Babas much childcare and four times as much rou- cock and Sara Laschever’s Women Don’t Ask: tine housework as men. Some folks just love Negotiation and the Gender Divide. those science-y sounding Maybe it’s not that metaphors to justify gen- Not much will change unless women don’t negotiate, der inequality. but that we lose when we and until women engage Here’s another take. men in challenging the defi- do. Social science docuDuring the period when ments a lot of negotiation nitions of masculinity that women’s workforce par- keep men anxiously at work. about men’s household ticipation stalled, men’s contributions. So does working hours spiraled common sense. Do you up. Last time I looked, Americans—chiefly believe that women “don’t ask” their partners? men—rank fairly high among industrialized Do you know one woman who hasn’t? countries for hours worked. Men’s houseThe result is often a series of fights, which hold contributions leveled off during the same threaten to (or do) pave the path to divorce. period when their work hours increased. So Why are men so recalcitrant? No mystery maybe we haven’t just reached a serene and there. Just ask what your mother visualized restful “equilibrium.” Maybe men’s grueling when she dreamt of a “successful” man: somework commitments stymie progress toward one who was a success at work, reflecting the gender equality.
intertwining of masculinity with wage labor. “We measure the man by the size of a paycheck,” opined Robert Gould in 1974. Most couples still expect men to be the chief earners, according to Jean L. Potuchek in Who Supports the Family: Gender and Breadwinning in Dual-Earner Marriages. The resulting gender pressures leave men feeling compelled to live up to the mandate of work devotion, which requires workers to “demonstrate commitment by making work the central focus of their lives” and to “manifest a singular ‘devotion to work,’ unencumbered with family responsibilities,” to quote Mary Blair-Loy. As workplaces have become greedier, men find themselves running hamster-like to keep up, as documented by Marianne Cooper’s wonderful book Being the Go-To Guy about “successful” men in Silicon Valley. Is this a picture of serene and confident oppressors? Or, a chilling explanation of why women lose our kitchen-table negotiations? (Read Getting to 50/50, by Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober.) Maybe the problem isn’t that women are bad negotiators, but that gender pressures on men fate us to fail. Not much will change unless and until women engage men in challenging the definitions of masculinity that keep men anxiously at work. Jump-starting the stalled gender revolution will require a national conversation about gender pressures on men, I argue in my forthcoming book Reshaping the Work-Family Debate: Why Men and Class Matter (Harvard University Press, 2010). There I explore another reason the gender revolution has stalled: Too often, as in this short essay, our analysis focuses on conditions that apply only in professionalmanagerial families—the richest 13 percent of American households. To find out what’s what in the remaining 87 percent of American families, you’ll have to read the book. Joan C. Williams is the author of scores of articles and several books, including Unbending Gender: Why Family and Work Conflict and What To Do About It, and is the Distinguished Professor of Law, 1066 Foundation Chair, founding Director of the Center for WorkLife Law at the University of California, Hastings College of the Law. Fall 2010
An Earthkeeping Initiation
How Can Boys Come of Age in Today’s World? By Philip Snyder
For anthropologist Philip Snyder, it is clear that the lack of a transformative rite of passage for young people, particularly boys, remains one of the major deficiencies in the healthy growth, development and empowerment of young people today. Traditional peoples throughout the world, Snyder says, have long recognized the need and importance of these rituals; such rites are central to the primordial, collective past of all humanity. Given the context of our times, Snyder believes, “It is imperative for men to search themselves, gather the best of what they’ve learned and experienced, and share what they know with boys. Wisdom, courage, and balance are all needed for this transmission— just a few of the warrior virtues,” he says, “that are necessary to cultivate in this era of uncertainty and change.” Earthkeeping is about developing a generative relationship with the living systems that sustain us.
Y
oung people today grow up in an often confusing world—celltext-websurf-mall-fast-food scattered surfaces. Materialistic individualism, the religion of the times. Come of age? To what? Several summers ago I was an Earthkeeping (ecological land use) consultant, walking the 230 acres of a new retreat center isolated high in the hills above Van Etten, New York, south of Ithaca. I was reflecting on the ways that Light on the Hill (www.lightonthehill.org) could enhance the soils, waters, and life on this place, while giving form to it as a place of renewal and contemplation. Suddenly the vision of a ritual crystallized. As I shared this with friends, a circle of adult male mentors gathered: Lee, a professor of religion; Peter, a poet-shaman; Larry, a spiritualist minister and co-director of the retreat center; myself, anthropologist and director; and Sean, a twenty-year-old former Eagle Scout. After meeting over a series of months, we prepared an initiation for boys just coming to puberty. We saw it as an immersion into the world of adult men who quest for a life of integrity. In turn, we saw the search embedded in the larger context of what we called the “sacred dreamtime
Voice Male
of the Earth.” We sought the archetypal way of the Warrior, balancing receptivity with action—a maleness which recognized the need to open fully to a complementary femaleness, both within and without. Because we knew that this process needed our full and authentic selves, we wove the content of the initiation from the key strands of our inner journeys. In the extraordinary cross-cultural concourse which characterizes our times, many in the Western world are opening to the ancient traditional wisdom of the Earth found among indigenous peoples, as well as the wisdom traditions of Asia. Despite the diversity of each of our spiritualities, we were united in our abiding respect for the other peoples of the Earth, and in turn, by our shared reverence and gratitude for the Earth. Expressing thanks does not need a theology. Simple gratefulness became the key to the process. August Full Moon
We began in late summer. We camped for three days at the retreat center with boys, living closely together with the Earth. We had an equal number of men to boys—five each. Most of them were being raised by single mothers, ranging from a skinny, wisecracking 12-year-old Latino boy to the blond 14-year-old son of one of the teachers. All were at that transitional age. We walked into the darkening woods, our campsite a half mile away. We had prepared a couple of exercises to help us all separate from the outer world. We paused and announced that each, in turn, would lead a partner blindfolded into this new country. Half of the party bound their eyes with bandanas, while the rest led them along the now dim path. We switched about halfway—this simple activity drawing us closer to one another and sharpening our senses of touch and hearing. At the forest edge, we had strung a spider web of rope as a passage through which we had to pass all our stuff and each other, while not using the same hole twice. Sean, our former Eagle Scout, explained that it represented the sacred web of life, and that each must find his
place while recognizing how all things are connected together like the strands of the web. Teamwork and laughter got us through as we lifted bodies above our heads. It was our transition from the past into this new shared realm. As the Moon rose above the eastern hills, we crossed a broad meadow and set up camp in a glade nestled between stream beds below two large ponds. The next several days became an immersion into “natural time”— life beyond clocks, in tune with the rhythm of our bodies and the unfolding of day and night. We slowed down, got in touch and released our concerns. The nightly fire circle of stories, drumming, and inner journeying was complemented by our watchful silence, awaiting the dawn, chanting with gladness as the orange fire appeared. That first evening we began the introduction into “medicine” in the Native American sense of the sacred power that animates and gives life to the world. Surrounded by life, we awakened to our connection with the elements and our gladness for this marvelous Earth that had created us. Peter, our shaman-poet, introduced us to the Animal Powers through the drama of his encounters with Hawk. I related the tale of Jumping Mouse’s journey of discovery and transformation, anchoring the story in the Cheyenne concept of the Medicine Wheel. In the glow of the firelight with darkness around, the boys acted out each of the animals, giving vivid witness to the story. We repeated this teaching pattern again and again as we let the ideas come alive in our bodies and feelings. This paralleled another crucial part of the process, for in an implicit way, as we spoke and moved, we men mentored directly with our bodies—making breakfast, bowing as we entered the sweat lodge, blowing the morning fire to life. From the first evening campfire we acknowledged how the Earth was deeply troubled and out of balance. We did not dwell on this pronouncement, instead establishing that it was our joyous task here to draw closer to this wonderful Earth, to enter its rhythms and mysteries. So finding balance became another theme through the days. As that fire circle closed I could feel how quickly we were leaving behind the world of cars, dwellings, the Internet—the things that bounded so much of our ordinary lives. Next morning we awoke in darkness, rousing the sleepy boys for a walk in silence to see what the dawn would bring. At the top of the steep hill was a cleared circle with an open view in all directions. The flight and sounds of birds stirred the air as the light gradually grew. We chanted and sang as the orb fully appeared on the horizon. Lee spoke of how all life, all our substance comes from the Sun, the Source. On the way down through the meadow the boys gathered last year’s dried goldenrod stalks in order to light our morning fire. We lingered over the good food, thanking all the beings that had “given away” in order to nourish us. After the morning circle outlined the wheel of the day’s activities, the boys went off on their own to select what their clan name would be. They chose red hummingbird for its beauty, quickness, and ability to hover in one place. As they painted their faces in its colors of bright red and green, I read stories to them from the tracker Tom Brown’s youthful apprenticeship with the Apache medicine man Stalking Wolf. Lee, also a scout master, then assisted the boys in making leather pouches in which to store objects gleaned from the experiences of these days.
The Sweat Lodge
We planned a sweat lodge on the first full day to further deepen our intense immersion into this sacred dreamtime. In the midday warmth after lunch, sleep overtook the boys and most of the men. A couple of us started and tended the roaring fire with which we heated the rocks. A slow laziness enveloped our camp. As the shadows grew longer, we prepared the boys for the experience, speaking about the giveaway—the spontaneous cycling of all life into new forms, linking all created forms together, about the four elements (earth, water, air, fire) and the need for purification to awaken inwardly and better attune to the mystery of this life. Peter and I had been initiated into the use of the sweat lodge by Native American elders, and with respect and gratitude, introduced this sacred practice to the boys. Its thin curving red maple poles covered with tarps and old blankets, the low, round structure beckoned us to enter into the heart of the Earth and ourselves. After clarifying our personal intentions for this rite, we crawled into the hot enveloping blackness, thick with burning sage. As the water steamed up from the glowing rocks at the center pit of the lodge, the boys struggled and then one by one said, “All my relations”—the signal they needed to leave. After their initial retreat from the fierce heat, each returned for the prayers and chants of the rest of the four cardinal directions. Sitting bare-assed on the ground, we men prayed from our hearts for the healing of ourselves, our beloveds, and this beautiful world. Toward the end we made special prayers on behalf of the boys. Later I reflected: how often are boys on the cusp of manhood sung and prayed over? Emerging from the lodge, we swam, reveling in the cool waters, relaxing into the medicine of being together in this place, this special time. Next morning, to aid in deepening their sense of place, we sent the boys out to search for their “good medicine” spot where they would then build a survival shelter and spend the coming night. Aside from what was by now their usual lunchtime stalking of frogs along the ponds, these two tasks gave shape to the day. After a long search, the boys found a large wild turkey feather in a special glade, a sign this site would be their choice. While there, they studied a huge ant mound for ideas as to the construction and orientation of their shelter. We had agreed that the men would keep away and let the boys create a secure structure on their own. They made an exception by asking Sean, the youngest man, to join them. He offered them low-key assistance in the form of questions and hints. Through the afternoon the men stayed down at the main campsite. High on the hill above us we heard laughing, singing, hooting, and merriment, as the boys were absorbed in their task. At dinner they brought us a map to their site. Their campsite, bright with the fire they had started, lighted up these transformed boys—full of radiance and pride in the beauty and strength of their branch and leaf-covered lean-to that stretched between two white pines. Under the full moon we sang and drummed, ate s’mores and celebrated their accomplishment. Since Sean would be leaving early the next morning, we gave him an impromptu ceremony of honor and thanksgiving for all his wonderful contributions—his giveaway to the boys and men. As we elders made our way down the slope in the moonlight, we were walking light, as if on air, glowing with the image of the boys nestled together in comfort. Fall 2010
holding power in their hands—the good medicine power that would sprout and grow into healing life for this place. The On the last morning we returned for the boys before boys saved some limestone and seeds for a bare area by dawn for a final sunrise meditation. Between Sean’s one of the ponds, a small act of kindness toward the How early departure and the end at hand, spirits were low. frogs they had enjoyed stalking. The drum called We made a closing gesture with the land which had often, I out its beat strongly as the last seeds were spread given us so much—a small act of Earthkeeping on and we completed a gesture of thanks on behalf reflected, are behalf of balance and healing and our ability to of the generosity of this place, taking a step to nourish life. This hill land was sour and acidic, boys on the cusp control erosion, sweeten and cleanse the waters, as is the rain and snow which falls upon it. Open and provide a better foothold for life. of manhood sung ditches run along the dirt roads that wind back to At the closing ceremony, each boy was the site, and these channels were still largely bare and prayed honored and given a large wild goose feather I of vegetation three years after their construction. had found earlier in the summer at a remote lake in Such scars strip the surrounding land of its moisture, over? western Canada. Now they, too, were strong, young shooting silt-laden water straight toward the streams geese—good flyers and swimmers who knew how to that bordered our campsite. We could see that in the stick together. With apparent delight they greeted their lower sections the erosion was actively growing, inviting parents, brimming with enthusiasm from three rich days of a response. self-discovery and deep connection. Around the fire circle I outlined the situation. We would make a This experiment, this jumping into the unknown, this passage, was small start by spreading limestone onto the dry watercourses, to sweeten the soil, raise its pH and make it better for plants. “Ground Earthbones” not just transformative for the boys—it was transformative for us all. Indeed, we had “made medicine” together. I called the limestone, reminding the boys that the Earth gives away A Small Earthkeeping Gesture
from its “bones”—the rock—releasing the minerals that fertilize the soil to be absorbed by the plants and given to animals. I noted it was from this gift that we received our bones and strong bodies. Together the boys and men hauled four heavy bags up to the roads. The drum sang with us as we worked, our “task” transformed into play. The boys laughed and joked, occasionally flinging lime on each other until we were enveloped in a white cloud of dust. We followed this by seeding trefoil, a flowering legume best suited for harsh conditions. It would fix nitrogen from the air and enrich the soil, helping other plants to grow. As I dispensed the tiny seeds into their palms, I announced that they were
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Philip Snyder has decades of experience in the nonprofit and academic worlds, holds a doctorate in anthropology and is the father of four, including two stepchildren. His passions are inner transformation, Earthkeeping, sustainability and our shared planetary future. He can be reached at philip@esedona.net
OutLines U.S. Right Exporting Hate
The Dangers of Coming Out in Africa Perhaps nowhere on earth are gays persecuted more than in Africa where a culture war is being waged, spurred by a coalition of U.S. religious and political leaders. Violent, homophobic rhetoric spewed by African officials—along with concrete plans to kill or imprison gays—has created a civil liberties and human rights emergency reverberating around the world. In a chilling article in the September issue of The Advocate (advoate.com), Jeff Sharlet, author of C Street: The Fundamentalist Threat to American Democracy, reported on the deadly consequences of evangelicals’ antigay exports. What follows are highlights from Sharlet’s report.
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round zero in the war against gays is Uganda. Last October a rising star in Uganda’s parliament named David Bahati introduced the most murderous initiative to emerge from the convergence of American homophobia with African religious zeal. Much has been made of the legislation’s death penalty provision, but the scope of the bill remains so misunderstood that in July The Economist inaccurately reported that the death provision had been removed (it hadn’t). Even more dangerously, some American evangelicals linked to the bill’s backers— ideologically and financially—are insisting that the death penalty applies only to pedophile rapists. What does that mean? Consider the perspective of pastor Moses Solomon Male, leader of Uganda’s National Coalition Against Homosexuality: “Let’s be honest,” he said. “Pedophilia is really just a euphemism for homosexuality.” Bahati, author of the bill, was even blunter. With biblical prohibitions against homosexuality as his weapon, he said he’s willing to kill every gay person in Africa. And he has support to do it: Bahati and his allies are networking through American-organized evangelical groups in the governments of Rwanda, Burundi, Tanzania, Zambia, and Congo to spread their new approach to homosexuality. Rather than outside groups, they are insider politicians, members of the parliamentary prayer fellowships organized by the Family, the oldest and most influential Christian conservative organization in Washington, D.C. The Ugandan campaign is spreading, drawing on resources not just of the Family but also an array of American backers—from fringe candidates like Scott Lively, author of
The Pink Triangle, a book blaming the Holocaust on homosexuality, to a mainstream Las Vegas megachurch, Canyon Ridge, that subsidizes the work of the Ugandan pastor Martin Ssempa, the most vicious leader within the antigay coalition. The coalition’s political wing has found politicians across the continent eager to fight “Western decadence” by joining Sudan, Mauritania, and parts of Nigeria and Somalia in making homosexuality a capital offense. When queer Senegalese fled an antigay crackdown in 2008, neighboring Gambia’s President Yahya Jammeh proposed beheading the refugees. (Malawi, in southeastern Africa, looked positively liberal by comparison when it sentenced a gay couple, Steven Monjeza and
Tiwonge Chimbalanga, to 14 years in prison for attempting to marry. The “criminals” were pardoned thanks to international pressure). According to “Globalizing the Culture Wars,” a report for Political Research Associates, by the Rev. Kapya Kaoma, U.S. activists have been “ghostwriting African religious leaders’ statements” using the African leaders as proxies in American cultural battles. If that seems like a long way around for Americans to make their point, consider the benefits: As the face of homophobia, instead of a smirking Pat Robertson, they get an African leader whose other works deal mostly with addressing poverty. Uganda’s anti-homosexuality bill, which legislators declared in its first draft to be a model for other nations, is a witch hunt on multiple fronts. In addition to the draconian measures for gay people, the bill requires every Ugandan to report any homosexual activity they’re aware of within 24 hours or face three years in prison themselves. Promoting homosexuality will get you a seven-year sentence. Back home, U.S. Senator Jim Inhofe (ROklahoma) jousts with other leaders promoting antigay sentiment in Africa, including fellow Family members, Tom Coburn, Oklahoma’s other Republican senator, and Senator Sam Brownback (R-Kansas). Each would like the mantle of most homophobic senator. Indeed, in the 1994 elections Inhofe coined as his campaign platform “Gods, guns and gays.” —Jeff Sharlet
African LGBT Organizations to Support
• The Uganda Civil Society Coalition on Human Rights and Constitutional Law has done crucial work at bringing some timid organizations into the fight and alerting the international aid community. If the AntiHomosexuality Bill becomes law, the group likely will lead the fight against it, standing up to the antigay wave. Ugandans4Rights.org. • In Malawi the Centre for the Development of People made international headlines this year for its support of Steven Monjeza and Tiwonge Chimbalanga, who were sentenced to 14 years in prison after they held an engagement ceremony. They were eventually pardoned. Donations to CEDEP can be made by mail to an American address listed on the group’s website. CedepMalawi.org.
• David Kuria Mbote, the general manager of the Gay and Lesbian Coalition of Kenya, has been the target of smear campaigns aided by an American antigay organization, Project SEE. He has nevertheless persisted in his mission, training small gay and lesbian groups on the principles of international human rights laws as they apply to sexual orientation and gender identity. GALCK.org. • Freedom and Roam Uganda represents lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and intersex women, and has fought the broader fight for all sexual-orientation human rights in Uganda. Though FARUG has received limited support from abroad, the group still struggles to keep the lights on, literally. Faruganda.org.
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Steps Toward a Conscious Spiritually Informed Masculinity By Alan Berkowitz
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aving been born in a male body, I recognize my responsibility to understand what it means to be a “man,” to balance and integrate the masculine and feminine polarities within myself, and to live in a way that acknowledges the sacredness and interdependence of both. In order to do so, I will consider the following: I recognize the masculine and feminine as spiritual principles, two aspects of reality that occur both within me and within other persons, and the universe. It is personally important for me to embrace, integrate, and harmonize the masculine and feminine polarities, and to acknowledge and reduce their negative expressions. I understand that historically and at present, these feminine and masculine energies have been misunderstood and are out of balance, and that the masculine has been expressed in a way that is unhealthy for myself, for others (especially women), and for the planet. To overcome this imbalance I pledge to live in a way that is respectful of the feminine, in harmony with the forces of nature, and aligned with my inner truth. To do this I will strive to eliminate from my thoughts and actions any misunderstanding that causes me to implicitly or explicitly treat the feminine (and women) as inferior to the masculine. In order to bring this about, I will analyze my past behavior and actions to perceive and acknowledge when I have acted with 12
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conscious or unconscious assumptions of masculine superiority, and when my actions have been harmful to and/or disrespectful of the feminine in all its forms (in myself, to individual women, to Nature herself). As part of this effort I pledge to speak up, act, and intervene in a dignified, respectful, non-violent manner when other men behave or speak in a disrespectful or harmful manner toward women and toward the feminine itself. I seek to embody in my own life a positive, conscious and sacred masculinity that lives in harmony with the feminine, and that strives toward a balanced sacred union with it—both internally and in my actions–and to support others to do the same. Today, in the presence of the Grandmothers, in honor of their example, and in gratitude for their work, I make this pledge.
Alan Berkowitz is an independent consultant who helps colleges, universities, public health agencies and communities design programs that address health and social justice issues. Alan lives in Weed, California, and is the father of a daughter. He can be reached via his website at www. alanberkowitz.com.
Attributes of a Male Ally As men seeking to end violence against women, we must work in partnership with women and be accountable to them in our work. In this role of being an ally to women in ending men’s violence, we must seek out input and feedback from women. The quotes below, excerpted from the newsletter of the Black Church and Domestic Violence Institute (www.bcdvi.org) and gathered in a workshop that I was privileged to participate in, offer us the opportunity to hear what women need from men who want to be their ally. They are offered here in the hope that they will be useful to men who are engaged in anti-violence work.—AB He acknowledges that women who remain in abusive relationships are not stupid.
He is comfortable with his own manhood and does not need to prove that he’s a “real man.”
He works to educate other men that women who speak honestly about male violence are not “attacking all men.”
He is willing to develop groups where men can actively and publicly rally against and denounce domestic and sexual violence.
He understands that celebrating women’s need to be empowered is not a threat to his strength as a man, rather it enhances his strength.
He has done personal work on order to become aware of his own issues around domestic and sexual violence.
He is a non-judgmental partner, promoting equality and respect.
He doesn’t assume that another man is immune from being a batterer or perpetrator just because of his high position in a faith community, a government, business, or organization, etc.
He listens to women and expresses a willingness to “call out” other men on their issues. He is able to follow women’s leadership in violence prevention work.
He is willing to fully hear women’s reality because he realizes there are aspects of women’s lives that he cannot know about.
He does not try to define the problems that women share with him.
He listens, but he doesn’t try to “fix” problems by himself.
He is willing to take a stand on the issue of domestic and sexual violence by being public and vocal about it.
“Attributes of an Ally” was originally published in the newsletter of The Black Church and Domestic Violence Institute www.bcdvi.org and is used here by permission. The Attributes were prepared in appreciation of the Grandmothers and all others who have shown the way and delivered at a Men’s gathering with the Thirteen Indigenous Grandmothers in Ithaca, N.Y.
He models behavior for his friends and other men by letting others see his example.
The Prison Birth Project
working to provide support, education and advocacy to women and girls at the intersection of the criminal justice system and motherhood.
www.theprisonbirthproject.org Fall 2010
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Film woman (a stunning Susan Hayward) make him reconsider. Though screenplay credit went to Philip Yordan, Mankiewicz’s inspired touch is evident in the film’s tight pacing and its sharp, flavorful script. Robinson is masterful in yet another Italian-American turn, and the under-appreciated Conte is also aces as a slick operator who’s not quite as tough as he seems.
Fathers in Film By John Farr
To Kill a Mockingbird
Men in their roles as fathers have long been a mainstay in cinema. In this overview of dads in film, critic John Farr examines the distinct challenges of fatherhood, and how various fathers rise to the occasion or, for a host of reasons, fall short. All films cited are available on DVD.
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ne of the most heartbreaking foreign films on record is Vittorio de Sica’s neo-realist masterpiece, The Bicycle Thief (1948). In a devastated Italy just after World War II, we meet Antonio (Lamberto Maggiorani), who just scrounges a living for his family putting up movie posters around town. Antonio’s job depends entirely on his bicycle and early on someone steals his bike right out from under him. With his adoring son Bruno (Enzo Staiola) in tow, an increasingly desperate Antonio scours Rome to retrieve it. Finally, he resorts to stealing another bike to put bread on his table. Thief still packs a wallop, portraying poverty’s heartless capacity to rob a father of the thing an impressionable son needs to see most—his basic dignity. Authentic location shooting all around war-scarred Rome also lends impact and authenticity. For his powerful work, De Sica was awarded a special Oscar in 1948 several years before the Academy established a category for best foreign film. 14
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A part of the Fox Film Noir series is House of Strangers (1949), Joseph L. Mankiewicz’s scorching tale of a destructive family vendetta. Self-made immigrant banker Gino Monetti (Edward G. Robinson) treats three of his four employee-sons like dirt, reserving his favor only for Max (Richard Conte), who’s made good on his own as a lawyer. When Gino’s old ways of doing business run afoul of banking regulations, only Max tries to help him, and ends up doing jail time, while the other brothers wrest control of the bank from their broken dad. Once Max is sprung, his first instinct is revenge, but time and the love of a
The Bicycle Thief
In Vincente Minnelli’s classic Father of the Bride (1950), viewers may enjoy the lighter side of being a dad, particularly if you can laugh at the prospect of opening your wallet for your daughter’s wedding. When lovely Kay Banks (Elizabeth Taylor) announces her engagement to Buckley Dunstan (Don Taylor), life for Kay’s doting father Stanley (Spencer Tracy) turns inside out. His wife Ellie (Joan Bennett) wants formal nuptials for Kay, so Stanley finds himself consumed by the exhausting business of planning a big wedding, not to mention the headache of paying for one. This big-hearted MGM comedy provided the template for an idea that’s been executed countless times, but never quite so charmingly. The wry Tracy is note-perfect as the aggrieved dad, and young Liz makes a radiant bride-to-be. And Minnelli keeps the whole affair—replete with hilariously solemn heart-to-heart talks, a disastrous engagement party, and lovers’ spats—from derailing into broad farce. If you’re choosing to watch a Father of the Bride, make it the original. Elia Kazan’s East of Eden (1955) adapts the biblical story of Cain and Abel to 1917 Monterey, via John Steinbeck. In his first featured role, James Dean plays errant son Cal, who aches for the approval of his upright father (Raymond Massey). A young, luminous Julie Harris plays Abra, the love interest of favored brother Aron (Richard Davalos), who soon becomes torn between the two siblings. Ultimately a series of dramatic events causes a transformation in Cal’s relationship with his father. Kazan’s landmark film features vibrant color and atmosphere, top-flight performances and a dazzling screenplay adapted by Paul Osborn. Oscar-nominated Dean, Harris, Burl Ives and Oscar-winner Jo Van Fleet (as Cal’s reclusive mother) stand out in a stellar ensemble. The film that captures the father we’d all want to be—and to have—is found in Robert Mulligan’s perennially touching To Kill a Mockingbird (1962), based on Harper Lee’s autobiographical novel. Atticus Finch (Gregory Peck), a widower and small-town lawyer in the Depression-era South, bravely defends a black man accused of raping a white girl, causing resentment in the community. Meanwhile his two children, Scout and Jem (Mary Badham
East of Eden
and Phillip Alford), try to unravel the mystery of Boo Radley, the supposedly crazy man who lives nearby. A film that speaks volumes about racial intolerance in the not too distant past is also a moving and perceptive study of the relationship between two children and their single-parent father, with much of the action seen through young Scout’s eyes. The child actors all turn in affecting, natural performances, and Peck, in the role of his career, deservedly won the Oscar for Best Actor. This film should be required viewing for children 12 and over. Another memorable entry concerning a man suddenly confronted with single parenthood is Robert Benton’s Kramer Versus Kramer (1979). On the brink of a big promotion, preoccupied ad-man Ted Kramer (Dustin Hoffman) gets the wind knocked out of him when wife Joanna (Meryl Streep) leaves him and their young son, Billy (Justin Henry). Forced to balance career demands with caring for a young son he barely knows, Ted makes hard choices to be there for Billy. But when Joanna returns unexpectedly, a nasty custody battle ensues. Hoffman hit a career high-point with this near-flawless drama, which depicts Boyz N the Hood
the dissolution of a marriage with unerring sensitivity. Top-flight performances from the two leads help bring an insightful script to heart-rending life. At Oscar time, Kramer won Best Picture, Benton took the honors for direction and screenplay, and Hoffman got the nod for Best Actor. The breathtaking achievement from this revered master of cinema, Akira Kurosawa’s epic Ran (1982) is an adaptation of King Lear transplanted to 16th-century Japan. Powerful warlord Hidetora (Tatsuya Nakadai) decides to divide his lands and riches among his two seemingly compliant older sons, banishing honest third son Saburo (Daisuke Ryu) after he challenges his proud father’s will. With his family soon splintered and set against each other, Hidetora realizes too late his error in judgment, and the injustice he visited on the forthright Saburo. Kurosawa’s late-career triumph is a vibrant, colorful epic, its drama magnified by an awesome visual sweep encompassing both period pageantry and setting. Shakespeare’s fundamental themes of loyalty and betrayal play out with full force, thanks to superb performances by both Nakudai (a Kurosawa veteran) and Ryu in the pivotal roles. A few years later came director Emir Kusturica’s poignant When Father Was Away on Business (1985). Set in 1950s Sarajevo, the film portrays oppressive times in Tito’s Yugoslavia, as married official Mesha (Miki Manojlovic) is sent to work in the mines as punishment for flirting with a sexy female comrade not his wife. Younger son Malik (Moreno De Bartolli) survives this period of uncertainty with a measure of hope and humor, believing his mother’s story that his father is off on business. When Dad returns from his lengthy trip, normal routines resume, with the master of the house a touch wiser and humbler. Father evocatively portrays a challenging time and place, and against this grim backdrop, paints a warmer portrait of childhood innocence and imagination, as the adorable Malik manages to put a hopeful, fantastic spin on circumstances and events unfolding around him. Manojlovic injects tremendous pathos into the character of Mesha, an alltoo-human fellow caught up in an inhuman system. A painfully honest, heartfelt work. John Singleton’s groundbreaking Boyz N the Hood (1991) focuses on the stiff price paid by youth at risk without fathers. Growing up in South Central LA, young Tre Styles (Cuba
Ran
Gooding, Jr.) is sent by struggling divorcée Reva (Angela Bassett) to live with his father, Furious (Laurence Fishburne), a no-nonsense figure who tries to instill Tre with solid values. But Tre and rudderless, fatherless friends Ricky (Morris Chestnut) and Dough Boy (Ice Cube) are enmeshed in a world of gang warfare, and soon the cycle of violence catches up to them. Singleton’s explosive drama deals head-on with the allure of thug life, inner-city poverty and racism—without ever losing its heart or appeal. Fishburne scores as the streetwise dad who schools Gooding’s Tre with important life lessons. But top acting laurels go to rapperactor Ice Cube as a troubled teen with a record who remains loyal to his childhood buddies. Just 23 when Boyz hit theaters, Singleton earned two Oscar nods for his gritty tale of urban strife. The potent father-son tale In the Name of the Father (1994), is set in war-torn Northern Ireland. Directed by Jim Sheridan and based on a real-life case, Name recounts the saga of Gerry Conlon (Daniel Day-Lewis), an innocent Belfast native sentenced to prison for an IRA bombing after his British interrogators force him to sign a false confession. Imprisoned alongside his father, Giuseppe (Pete Postlethwaite)—falsely accused of abetting the crime—Gerry spends years trying to exonerate his family name with the help of lawyer Gareth Peirce (Emma Thompson). Both Day-Lewis and Postlethwaite give gut-wrenching turns as the angry son and his bewildered father, and the ever-reliable Thompson lends fiery support as their dogged barrister. Nominated for seven Oscars, this ode to human dignity is also a hard-hitting story of political injustice. Voice Male will explore more fathers in film in subsequent issues. Critic John Farr first wrote about fathers in film for The Huffington Post, where a version of this article appeared. Fall 2010
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Men & Sports
New Rules for Sports‘man’ship By Brian Heilman
Sports bickering. For the blissfully uninitiated, writes Brian Heilman, sports bickering refers to the ever-expanding array of TV programs that feature, essentially, a handful of guys arguing about sports news. These programs range from the prototype Pardon the Interruption, where two sportswriters playfully deride each other, to Around the Horn, which always closes with the crowning of a champion, the day’s superlative bickerer. “Now when I say that I ‘partake,’ I do not mean that I am a sports bickerer myself,” writes Heilman. “Instead I join millions of others across the country to watch these shows at least a couple times per week.” Indeed this bickering has become the primary vehicle by which sports news hits sports fans’ ears in the 21st century. While there is to date no hard data reporting the gender breakdown of listeners, men, well, might want to listen up.
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ports bickering exemplifies an excessively impatient, arrogant masculinity that infects popular culture. To be sure, my fellow men-rethinking-manhood, these shows often reward insults, generalizations, and one-upmanship (all of it interspersed with misogynist commercials for the-deodorant-that-shall-not-be-named). And as with the world of sports writ large, there’s plenty to dislike about sports bickering. Yet hard as it may be to believe, even in this most unlikely of masculine terrains, glimpses of progress are appearing more and more often. Take the sports bickerers’ favorite topic, for instance: legacy. Sports bickerers love the idea of legacy. On any slow news day, it is nearly certain that the bickering will include a question such as, “How does [achievement or underachievement] affect [famous player]’s legacy?” or “Is [player] an all-time great?” There are rules to the sports legacy, as enacted and reinforced every 16
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time the shows address these questions. All the rules are variations on the ultimate rule: Win. A lot. Together they represent a landscape that may be showing signs of wear. The Old Rules of Sports Legacy include:
1. Greatness is measured in championship rings, a.k.a., Whatever you do in the regular season is meaningless—legacies are made in “the big game.” 2. Rewards go to those who do the most (or most in a row) of something. 3. The greatest players and teams have “swagger”—they know they’re going to win. Don’t get me wrong: these rules remain the pillars of the sports bickerers’ metanarrative. But new cracks are showing, and in very timely fashion. With the NFL’s season under way, the conditions should be perfect for further entrenchment of the arrogant, aggressive, win-at-all-costs rules of sports legacy. Last June, our children watched basketball stars Kobe Bryant (who has admitted to a nonconsensual sexual encounter with a 19-year-old in 2003) and Ron Artest (who was convicted of assaulting a fan in a 2004 brawl) compete for an NBA championship ring. Flipping the channel, they saw two top hockey teams take to the ice in the Stanley Cup finals to fight (in this sport, often literally) for their slice of legacy. Yet during this time, I’ve been delighted to hear the sports bickerers praising hard work, love, and respect. I’m inspired to amplify those
qualities in the hopes of accelerating the erosion of the sports world’s aggressive values. Let me propose three New Rules of Sports Legacy, based on recent sports news.
Quoting Gandhi, this rule rejects the notion that greatness only happens on big stages. Even as the NBA and NHL delivered another year’s worth of legacy-ensuring rings (with MLB and the NFL not far behind), the sports bickerers devoted the better part of a week to granting “all-time great” status to a conspicuously ringless athlete: Ken Griffey, Jr. “Junior,” who retired from baseball in mid-season, was one of the best power hitters of his generation, certainly the only one never to be suspected of steroid abuse. His 21-year career never took him to the World Series, but neither did it take him to the Senate chamber where so many of my other childhood idols testified (read: shamefully lied) about their prolonged steroid use (read: team management-sponsored cheating). Griffey was famous for other reasons: for combining home run power with athletic fielding, yes, but also for his infectious smile and for being a dedicated son and father. In the record of baseball’s “big games,” Ken Griffey, Jr., may indeed be inconsequential. But I was delighted that the sports bickerers defined legacy with his workman’s smile.
2. New Rule of the Sports Legacy: Love is the most powerful four-letter word. No, this rule doesn’t quote a Hallmark card. It quotes former UCLA basketball coach John Wooden, who died earlier this year after more than a half-century of inspirational leadership as a player, coach, and teacher. By all means, Wooden’s 10 NCAA championship rings could have prompted the sports bickerers to speak of his legacy in terms of athletic domination and invulnerability. The first Old Rule alone assures him a tremendous legacy. Yet the vast majority of commentary failed even to mention Wooden’s win-loss record, let alone his string of championships. Instead, athletes, commentators, and family members alike honored a man who lived a life of faith, love, and a commitment to teaching. Too young to remember Wooden as an active coach myself, I was struck by how irrelevant his on-court achievements seemed in comparison with his philosophy of teamwork and morality as the foundations of “the pyramid of success.” In stark contrast to the current milieu, where college coaches’ greatness is measured by their ability to recruit one-year-and-done individual stars, Wooden’s sterling example consists of team-building, faith, and love above all. Indeed, the story of Wooden’s vast love for his wife Nell superseded any stories of championship games in a time of widespread remembrance. And how fresh did that story feel, in the wake of the Tiger Woods fiasco and other headline athlete infidelities!
3. New Rule of the Sports Legacy: Violence does not equal strength. This third New Rule quotes the core principle of the Family Violence Prevention Fund’s (FVPF) “Coaching Boys into Men” program. The program helps youth sports coaches to integrate messages of respect and nonviolence toward women into their weekly practice routine, recognizing the particular influence that coaches have on the lives of boys. I am lucky to have assisted the International Center for Research on Women and FVPF in adapting the program for cricket coaches in India; the program also formed the basis for the “My Game Is Fair Play” booklets distributed at this year’s FIFA World Cup in South Africa. All adaptations of the project highlight “teachable moments” that help coaches and athletes to recognize opportunities both on and off the field to reaffirm their commitment to respect and nonaggression. One “teachable moment” involves a famous athlete being publicly accused
David Snyder for ICRW
1. New Rule of the Sports Legacy: Whatever you do will be inconsequential, but it is very important that you do it.
The International Center for Research on Women (www.icrw.org) and Partners’ Parivartan project, an adaptation of Coaching Boys Into Men, has been mentoring cricket coaches in India to impart messages of respect & nonviolence to their players.
of sexual assault. The program recommends that coaches use this as an opportunity to spread the message that athletic talent is no excuse to assault or disrespect anyone, and that “no means no.” While the news of Steelers QB Ben Roethlisberger’s second sexual assault allegation was extremely disheartening, I noted for perhaps the first time that the sports media too recognized this as a “teachable moment.” Rather than merely assessing the consequences for the Steelers’ playoff hopes of Roethlisberger’s suspension, the bickerers spoke of “entitlement run amok,” “excessive arrogance,” and “repulsive behavior.” These responses would seem less remarkable, to be sure, if they came from a source that didn’t regularly praise athletes’ “swagger.” But thoughtful pieces like Jack McCallum’s article in the May 10th Sports Illustrated represent small steps (this is, after all, the magazine of the infamous swimsuit issue) toward a sports commentary that not only respects women but also debases hyperaggressive manhood. None of us are likely to become “all-time great” athletes. The only rings with which many of us can measure our greatness will be those under our eyes after sleepless nights with the baby. But we will be arbiters of legacy, whether as sports fans, coaches, teachers, fathers, or grandfathers. And the subtle changes in sports commentary of late, while certainly unable to supplant the hypermasculine sports metanarrative, show that even in unlikely places there are men who value hard work, love, and respect over arrogance and violence. Let us continue to build a world, on and off the sports field, governed by the New Rules. Brian Heilman is a program associate at the International Center for Research on Women, where he designs and evaluates international programs to economically empower women and end gender based violence. He holds a Master’s degree from the Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy at Tufts University and supports the Green Bay Packers and Minnesota Twins. He may be reached at bheilman@icrw.org. Coaching Boys Into Men materials are available for free download at www.coaches-corner.org Fall 2010
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Debbie Lopes da Rosa
Ambush on T Street cast (left to right): Al Miller, Court Dorsey and John Sheldon created the play over a nine-month period of sharing stories and shaping a dramatic response to the social and political forces that perpetuate war and violence. The play looks at trauma (the “T” in the title) from several viewpoints, based on real life experiences.
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ven before the audience is all seated, a burly, bearded man in dirty fatigues shuffles onstage, unrolls a sleeping bag, lies down and wearily closes his eyes. He’s soon disturbed by a scruffy street musician who plugs his Stratocaster into a rolling amp and launches into a fuzzed-out rendition of Jimi Hendrix’s “Hey Joe, where you goin’ with that gun in your hand?” The two circle each other warily, testing each other’s turf. Hatch, the homeless man, is a Vietnam vet who can’t shake horrific flashbacks. The guitarist, Jack, is a burned-out veteran of the psych ward. Both are living the
aftermath of life-changing ordeals of body, mind and spirit. Ambush on T Street is a new play that looks at trauma (the T in the title) from several viewpoints, based on real-life experiences. It’s the work of three men: Al Miller, John Sheldon and Court Dorsey. Miller plays Hatch, Sheldon is Jack, and Dorsey plays Vilardi, a trauma counselor with his own history of trauma. The script was created collaboratively, incorporating the men’s own stories of trauma and healing, but dramatized with a fictional veneer. Miller really was in Vietnam, but is not homeless. A sensitive poet and storyteller, he
works with the Veterans Education Project (VEP) across Western Massachusetts to counter military myths. Sheldon did time in psychiatric incarceration and is a brilliant musician and songwriter (he played lead guitar for Van Morrison early in his career), but he doesn’t play for loose change on the street. Dorsey, an actor, director and mediation trainer, draws on his own experiences to portray Vilardi and several other characters who may or may not be figments of Vilardi’s own troubled imagination. They include a pompous military officer, a streetwise priest, and Vilardi’s mother, a blowsy alcoholic. Fall 2010
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The show was created over a nine-month period of sharing stories and shaping a dramatic response to the social and political forces that perpetuate war and violence. Dorsey also served as director, with assistance from fellow theater professionals Tim Holcomb, Sheryl Stoodley and Troy David Mercier. The work was also influenced by the men’s associations with Massachusetts organizations including Veterans Education Project and the Men’s Resource Center for Change, which challenges conventional ideas of masculinity. Out of their exchanges, the trio developed speeches and scenes that dramatize the traumas each of the characters has faced, illustrating horrific memories, coping mechanisms (both practical and counter-productive) and ultimately the beginnings of self-knowledge and healing. The character of Hatch, the homeless veteran, draws on Miller’s experiences as an infantry squad leader in Vietnam, as well as his struggles to get his life back together after his return from the war. In a provocative monologue, he recalls a firefight: It blows straight through you, its breath doesn’t stop at the surface of your skin. Trees explode into splinters and smoke, cells in your body get rearranged, bamboo hangs limp, orchids won’t bloom, birds won’t sing, and you can miss it in the silence.… It has its own will. It’s been set loose and it’s devouring what is not even born yet and eats myths like potato chips. Crumbs of people are flying around you, and everything that ever was to them is torn apart. … You understand the way you dehumanize yourself by 20
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dehumanizing others, and the past won’t pick up, but just slides through your fingers, and you have to find out in a big fucking hurry who you are, ’cause it is changing. … Why you are left between life and death you don’t know. When people organize themselves and their shit to kill each other, and they bring their guns, grenades, rockets and bombs that have been designed to rip and shred human flesh from the bone by their projections, it turns something loose and it’s out of the bottle and it won’t go back. It just feeds on what it wants. Each man in turn is visited by nightmarish demons—played by the other two—who plague him with reminders of his failings and isolation. “Hey buddy boy,” they taunt Hatch, “how long you been stuffing your emotions? Remember the Vietnamese? How the old people would grieve, but nobody in your family knew how to grieve?” The tormenting ghoul that Sheldon portrays is a twisted, deformed figure that embodies not only Hatch’s terrors but Jack’s as well. The guitarist’s trauma arises from a war on the home front—as a teenager, seeing his father’s own demons and trying to do battle with them in the only Bernie Glassman and Eve Marko of the socially engaged Buddhist organization Zen w a y h e c o u l d Peacemakers, where the play premiered (www.zenpeacemakers,org), discuss the play’s message with actors Court Dorsey, John Sheldon and Al Miller.
Clemens M. Breitschaft/ Zen Peacemakers
Clemens M. Breitschaft/ Zen Peacemakers
The Ambush on T Street cast rehearsing at the Zen Peacemakers’ House of One People in Montague, Mass.
think of: by emulating his self-destructive impulses. (See Sheldon’s article, “Broken Father, Loyal Son,” in Voice Male, Winter 2010.) He recalls his father’s hands: “They used to make beautiful things. … As I got older, they turned against him, drinking, taking a beautiful piece of furniture he’d made and smashing it, sitting in a chair with a shotgun in his lap. I wasn’t afraid of him—I was afraid for him. It’s like there was a poison cloud around him, making his hands move. And so I slit my wrist. Do you see the logic? If I’m the fucked-up one, I can make the cloud come to me. I can save Dad!” He ended up in a mental hospital on suicide watch. What was supposed to be a few weeks’ therapeutic intervention turned into more than a year’s incarceration. “When I finally got out and went home, Dad was worse. I didn’t save him. I didn’t take the cloud away. I only added to it. It finally did kill him.” Now, Jack sees all the other lost, sick souls on the street and observes, “This whole place is one open mental ward. We’re all on medication!” His defensive posture takes the form of a cascade of power chords from his electric guitar and a belligerent sarcasm that keeps the world at bay but stifles his own sense of self-worth. “Name’s Jack, but they call me 20 Percent,” he boasts. “No matter how much you want, 20 percent is all you get.” Like his fellow cast members, Dorsey, whose career over three decades has stirred theatergoers with breathtaking performances, offers up his interior life filled with the terrible burdens too many men stoically bear. His character, Vilardi, is wrestling with his own demons—or rather, drinking instead of
Clemens M. Breitschaft/ Zen Peacemakers
Clemens M. Breitschaft/ Zen Peacemakers
the Peacemakers’ House of One People for the performance. At a post-show talkback with the performers and other panelists, the cast was applauded for the courage it took to put their stories on stage. One spectator remarked, to laughter from the crowd, “These characters are three losers,” adding that that starting point made the characters’ journeys much more powerful—“losers” ultimately finding their strength, and themselves. Their goal in producing Ambush, the trio explained, was “communication, sharing stories and coming to understanding and empathy,” emphasizing that the act of
Court Dorsey as trauma counselor Vilardi.
Clemens M. Breitschaft/ Zen Peacemakers
fighting them. He also finds escape in other personas. One of them is his mother, whom he impersonates as a woman staggeringly drunk in a dirty slip. Vilardi recalls, at age eight, being left “in charge” by his father, who was often away, becoming “the man of the house” with responsibility for keeping his mother safe. “The man of the house never really sleeps,” he says. “He’s on guard, keeping the perimeter. The civilian population is drunk and vulnerable, playing too close to the highway.” All three characters’ stories involve destructive situations in which they were expected to be “men”—Vilardi protecting his mother when it should have been the other way around; Jack trying to lift his father’s depression by acting it out; Hatch told to “suck it up” after killing a young Vietnamese soldier and then being reprimanded for bringing an old man and a boy back to camp as prisoners instead of shooting them. What they’ve all learned, Sheldon observes, is “hyper-vigilance,” ever watchful and fearful, always “on guard duty.” Ambush on T Street premiered in August at the first Symposium on Western Socially Engaged Buddhism, which was organized by the Montague, Mass.-based social justice Buddhist organization Zen Peacemakers. Symposium participants from around the U.S. and abroad—including two-time National Book Award winner Peter Matthiessen, as well as invited guests from the local peace and social justice community—packed into
John Sheldon is Jack, a burned out street musician.
Al Miller plays Hatch, a homeless Vietnam War vet.
sharing is itself a major step toward healing. An audience member marveled at the play’s deep emotional content, in which the men delved into their most profound hurts and fears and then dared to express them openly on stage. It was, he said, a tremendously moving experience to see “men’s hearts cracked open.” There is no happily-ever-after ending to Ambush on T Street, no dramatic moment that fixes everything—testimony to the truth that overcoming trauma is an ongoing process. In the course of the play, by sharing their stories and revealing themselves, both Hatch and Jack at least negotiate a ceasefire with their demons. And while the process of
creating and sharing this play has helped all three of the performers to exorcise their own traumas, at the end the character of Vilardi remains at war with his. “I want to grieve, pull the cork and weep, let it all wash through, like rain,” he says. “But I don’t know how. The tears won’t come. … I don’t want to be buried in a driedup gutter on Trauma Street.” Hatch responds to that anguished cry, and to the hearts that have “cracked open” in the course of the play, saying, “You hear that thrush? I don’t know if I can ever be that present. But I do know that I don’t carry these stories alone anymore.” To learn more, including booking the play, write to Ambush on T Street’s Court Dorsey at court@crocker.com. Chris Rohmann is an arts writer, theater director, author, teacher and musician who lives in South Hadley, Mass. He is the author of A World of Ideas: A Dictionary of Important Theories, Concepts, Beliefs and Thinkers and teaches at the Pioneer Valley Performing Arts Public Charter School. His theater column, StageStruck, appears weekly in the Valley Advocate (where this article originally appeared in a shorter form) and he comments regularly on the arts for public radio station WFCR in Amherst, Mass. Fall 2010
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Misogyny Exposed
A “Teachable Moment” About Rape By Jackson Katz
Oksana Grigorieva and Mel Gibson before Gibson’s misogynist, racist tirade against her.
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nti-rape educators around the world have Mel Gibson to thank for providing them with a truly global teachable moment in the wake of his violent, misogynist, racist tirade against his ex-girlfriend, Oksana Grigorieva. In the audiotape of the angry rant that has been replayed endlessly on cable TV and the Internet, Gibson is heard threatening Grigorieva (she needs a “bat to the side of the head”) and calling her the c-word, not to mention telling her that because of the way she was dressed, if she is “raped by a pack of n***ers,” “it will be (your) fault.” Grigorieva clandestinely taped Gibson, she said, out of fear for her own safety. She wanted prosecutors and the public to see what she had seen—in private. The result is not only a boon to celebrity gossip shows, websites and tabloid magazines. The star of Braveheart, Lethal Weapon and The Patriot has now inadvertently starred in an educational program of sorts that—like some of his movies—will be played and discussed for years to come. In a (presumably) drunken tirade, the 22
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cinematic superstar did a great service to the anti-rape and anti-domestic violence movements by reminding everyone of the urgent need to expand gender violence prevention education, precisely to counteract the kind of ignorant and hateful attitudes and beliefs that—as Gibson’s comments suggested—continue to fester in the psyches of too many men in our society. In their own twisted way, Gibson’s words are valuable precisely because they embody a range of male supremacist and racist beliefs that first need to be exposed if they are ever to be overcome. In fact, in just one sentence (of the longer taped conversation) Gibson not only provided concrete evidence that two long-discredited and damaging rape myths still persist; but he also managed to demonstrate the misogynous anger that lies close to the ideological core of a rapist mentality, and to provide one example of the many intersections of sexism and racism. (Because of what you wear) if you are raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be (your) fault. Anti-rape educators have encountered this type of victim-blaming for decades (e.g.
her sexy clothes suggest she is asking for it; “it will be her fault” if she is raped). The Gibson tapes merely add the latest celebrity case study to a bulging file of victim-blaming statements made to and about women by misogynistic and aggressive men. Far more interesting from a pedagogical standpoint is the way Gibson sexualized his anger toward his ex-girlfriend. People often say hurtful things when they are enraged. But when searching for a way to say something hurtful, Gibson quickly invoked the threat of sexual violence (“If you are raped...”). For anti-rape educators, this is the heart of the teachable moment. Gibson’s performance offers intimate evidence of the fact that rape often is—as feminists have long maintained—an act whereby men seek to assert power and control over, and sometimes inflict cruelty and brutality on women (and other men), not out of frustrated sexual desire, but out of a range of emotional and psychological needs and identity issues. In addition, because this was Mel Gibson, the aggressive misogyny came wrapped in racist language and caricature. But tempting as it may be for some to attribute Gibson’s periodic outbursts to his serious psychological and substanceabuse problems, his sexism/racism, like his rape-myth acceptance and promotion, reflects beliefs that are, sadly, still held by a substantial number of white men. In that sense, while it is easy and comforting to dismiss him as a disturbed and addicted man whose pathologies become public spectacles because of his celebrity, Mel Gibson’s periodic rants provide a valuable—if unsettling—glimpse into certain aspects of the collective id of middle-aged (and younger) white American males. His role as an iconic movie star who over the years has touched a nerve with audiences in his depictions of heroic men driven to righteous violence by threats to them, their family or the larger community
imbues his real-world transgressions with even greater significance, because he wouldn’t have become so popular if his on-screen persona hadn’t resonated with millions of men (and women, perhaps for different reasons). In the wake of his recent self-imposed troubles, it might be comforting for many of his fans to take refuge in the idea that they respect the actor’s work but cannot identify with the small man behind the curtain. This might be true for some. But Mel Gibson’s misogynous racism is hardly aberrational. Take Gibson’s racist use of the n-word in the context of an angry diatribe against his ex-girlfriend, whom he has (allegedly) physically abused. Gibson’s words drew their power from an old and powerful cultural stereotype of African American men as animalistic (“pack”) rapists of white women. This racist trope persists well beyond the confines of Mel Gibson’s deranged psyche. Consider the current popularity among white men of interracial gonzo pornography, which features caricatured and racist depictions of big, strong African American men roughly penetrating petite white women and treating them (in typical gonzo fashion) like subhuman sperm receptacles. The sociologist Gail Dines, author of the newly released Pornland: How the Porn Industry Is Hijacking Our Sexuality (see review in Voice Male, Summer 2010), suggests that this type of porn is popular because, like much of contemporary porn, it sexualizes men’s hostility and anger toward women. In the eyes of (some) white men, Dines says, “what better way to debase a white woman than to deploy the racist cultural codes of black men as sexually predatory, savage and debauched?” In other words, Mel Gibson’s racist fantasies deployed against his ex seem to share much in common with those of a lot of white men—the major difference being that he used racist language in a verbal assault against an actual woman in an unscripted encounter, not under the guise of entertainment in the privacy of his own auto-erotic pleasures. And of course, he got caught. This latest Gibson debacle also reminds
The Edge of Darkness By Nathalie Favre-Gilly and Deborah Collins-Gousby
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n 2008, as filming wrapped on Mel Gibson’s Edge of Darkness in Boston, he made a surprise $25,000 donation to Casa Myrna Vazquez, the city’s largest provider of shelter and supportive services to victims of domestic violence. It was not a random choice: his location scouts had briefly considered one of Casa Myrna’s shelters for some exterior shots in the film. We were grateful to him for supporting our work, and told him so. Two years later, we’re grateful again but for a very different reason. He’s making the case for our work, and proving our oft-repeated point that domestic violence crosses all socio-economic, ethnic and cultural divides. Gibson made headlines for the violent, hate-filled litany of slurs and abuse he spewed at girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva, which she recorded on tapes whose authenticity does not seem to be in question. When she references the fact that he hit her, not once but twice and while she was holding their infant daughter, he makes no attempt to deny it. Instead, he tells her that she deserved it. Can there still be people who think this way, talk this way, behave this way? In a word, yes. Lots of them. Behind closed doors, they generate fear, misery and despair on a daily basis. They don’t garner national attention like the Mel Gibsons, the Charlie Sheens or the Chris Browns. We’ll never see photos of the bruises they inflict on their victims, or hear audiotapes of their abuse. Their victims won’t be front page news unless they happen to die at the hands of their abusers. And yet the toll these abusers exact on their victims, and our society, is enormous. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention’s National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, nearly 5.3 million incidents of domestic violence occur each year among U.S. women ages 18 and older. Imagine Mel Gibson’s rant repeated over 5 million times. That’s the reality on the ground. Intimidation. Insults. Physical violence. Death threats. It will happen to one in four women in their lifetimes. The financial statistics, also compiled by the CDC, are equally alarming. The costs of domestic violence against women exceed an estimated $5.8 billion every year.
That figure includes nearly $4.1 billion in the direct costs of medical and mental health care and another $1.8 billion in the indirect costs of lost productivity. Victims of domestic violence lose a total of nearly 8 million days of paid work—the equivalent of more than 32,000 full-time jobs—and nearly 5.6 million days of household productivity each year as a result of the violence they endure. Then there’s the moral question. What does it say about us as a society that we continue to view domestic violence as a problem that can’t be fixed? One of the things we’ve learned over the years is that, like so many of society’s deeply ingrained social problems, domestic violence is often an intergenerational problem. If it’s part of your life today, chances are it will be part of your children’s lives tomorrow. That means sons grow up to be abusers, daughters grow up to be victims. And the cycle continues, destroying lives, families and whole communities. We can do better. Mel Gibson’s tape is a stark reminder that we still have a long way to go in embracing the simple but powerful message that domestic violence is wrong. Always. It’s also a reminder that we need to impart that lesson to our children, both in what we say and in what we do. It needs to be an ongoing conversation, because teaching lifelong lessons about respectful behavior in relationships is not a one-shot deal. Think the kids in your life are too young to be a part of this conversation? Think again. You’re never too young to learn that there is a right way and a wrong way to behave toward a partner in a relationship. Babies, toddlers, and pre-schoolers learn from adults. If what they’re learning at home is violence and abuse, be prepared: those lessons last a lifetime. Instead of allowing the intergenerational cycle of domestic violence to be perpetuated in our homes and families, we should be teaching our young people that there is no excuse for abuse. Ever. Maybe our celebrities will get the message too. Nathalie Favre-Gilly and Deborah Collins-Gousby are co-executive directors of Casa Myrna Vazquez (www.casamyrna.org.) A version of this op-ed appeared in The Boston Globe.
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us of how far we have to go to shift social norms around the acceptance of men’s mistreatment of women. Gibson has been roundly—and rightly—criticized by commentators for his racist comments. But in mainstream media coverage, reaction to his virulent sexism has been notably muted. In the infamous rant, Gibson alluded to a January 2010 incident where he allegedly punched Grigorieva in the face. She says he was violent with her on several occasions; the Los Angeles County Sheriff’s Department is investigating. And yet in much of the media commentary about the potential repercussions of the leaked tape incident for Gibson’s career, his alleged domestic violence is underplayed or absent altogether. For example, in a July 13 Los Angeles Times piece by movie industry columnist Patrick Goldstein about Gibson’s professional future, Goldstein wrote that many (white) talent agency chiefs and studio bosses want nothing to do with Gibson right now because they don’t want to risk outraging their important African American
Mel Gibson’s racist fantasies deployed against his ex-partner have much in common with those of a lot of other white men. clients. This suggests an encouraging trend in Hollywood (and beyond), where, presumably, professional consequences for racist behavior by whites seem to be increasing. Left out of this account and many others was any similar discussion about repercussions for sexism, such as women clients being upset that their agency might consider working with a raging sexist and alleged woman abuser. And where are the comments from men—inside or outside Hollywood—that express strong disapproval of Gibson’s sexist violence? I must confess that even before this latest incident, I was annoyed that Mel Gibson—a man with very conservative
gender politics in the real world -- was given the opportunity to satirize sexism in the 2000 romantic comedy What Women Want. It felt wrong that a sexist man got to make fun of sexism and get props for it. Now I can see that there is retroactive value in that casting decision. If Gibson ever puts the pieces of his broken life and reputation back together, perhaps the talented director can make an autobiographical documentary feature about his own abusive behavior. The title has already written itself: What Women Don’t Want. Voice Male contributing editor Jackson Katz is author of The Macho Paradox and writer-producer, with the Media Education Foundation, of Tough G u i s e : Vi o l e n c e , Media and the Crisis in Masculinity (www.jacksonkatz.com). A version of this article appeared in The Huffington Post.
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Voice Male
Liberation from “Real Man” Syndrome By Ned Resnikoff down on Real Manliness by suppressing your un-Manly instincts and converting your loathing for them into vehement contempt for anyone else who exhibits those same characteristics. That includes actual non-men. I suspect that the reason why the double-downers are so repulsed by feminism is because it represents an existential threat to the system by which they’ve always measured their own self-worth. After entire lives spent cultivating a self-image as a strong, independent individual with a career and political capital, they’re being told that these are not exclusively male properties. But if they aren’t, then
The difference between a feminist man and an anti-feminist man lies in how one deals with feminism— treating it as a threat or seeing it as an opportunity.
Real Man? Don Draper (actor Jon Hamm) of the AMC television series Mad Men.
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imone de Beauvoir famously wrote, “One is not born a woman, but becomes one.” The male corollary, a much older aphorism, is usually framed as an imperative: “Be a man.” Or its inverse: “Don’t be a pussy.” So what is a man? Don Draper is a man; James Bond is a man. We’re told pretty much from birth that we should be like them. Physical and political power are manly characteristics. So are aggression and dominance, both in love and in war. Men eschew domesticity, sensitivity, nurturing behavior and vulnerability. Those who do not are total pussies. Of course, as Mad Men fans know, not even Don Draper is Don Draper. The archetypal Real Man is just as much an unattainable caricature as its feminine counterpart. This is the flipside of patriarchic advantage: Buy into the whole enterprise and you’ll spend your entire life trying and failing to become a Real Man. That’s enough to put anyone in therapy—that is if therapy weren’t for pussies. I submit that all American men have had to, at some point in their lives, deal with the insecurity that comes from failing to be a Real Man. The most common way to deal with this is to double
the Real Man itself is a concept devoid of content, and generations of American men have spent their entire lives chasing a shadow. It seems to me that the difference between a feminist man and a virulent anti-feminist man lies in how one deals with that realization. You can either treat feminism as a threat to your entire life-long project, or you can treat it as an opportunity: an opportunity to define your self-worth in terms of your own projects and goals rather than those imposed on you by Maxim, Axe Body Spray and Spike TV. I am a feminist man. While I can argue for that position on the grounds of moral responsibility and basic human empathy, I would be lying if I painted my position as some kind of noble sacrifice. It is in my own self-interest to be a feminist, because I know that I will never be a Real Man and that many of my own goals and priorities are decidedly un-Manly. So rather than wander around in a state of perpetual self-loathing, I try to come to some other understanding of what it means to be a man. This is, I think, one of the great challenges for American men born in the wake of second-wave feminism. It’s a daunting project, because there are so few guideposts, but for the very same reason it is also a liberating one.
A Salon columnist, Ned Resnikoff has been a contributor to Cracked, NYU Local, Campus Progress, ATTACKERMAN and Wunderkammer Magazine, among others. (www.resnikoff.tumblr.com). This article first appeared on the Ms. magazine blog in August.
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Videos and Books Videos The Gloucester 18: The Realities of Teen Pregnancy Directed by John Michael Williams Produced by Kristen Grieco, 67 minutes. Distributed by Media Education Foundation (www.mediaed.org).
In 2008, eighteen high school girls from Gloucester, Massachusetts were accused of making a pact to become pregnant. The mainstream media perpetuated and sensationalized the story, with reporters flying in from as far away as Australia, the UK, and Brazil. The Gloucester 18 looks behind the headlines and hype to tell the real stories of these girls, and in the process puts a human face on a startling statistic: the United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the developed world. The filmmakers, director and executive producer John Michael Williams and Kristen Grieco, producer and former reporter who broke the story, draw on interviews with the girls, their families, high school counselors, physicians, and media personalities to unpack what really happened, and explore the complicated emotional and practical challenges faced by teens on the brink of motherhood. An excellent resource for high school health classes, teen pregnancy prevention programs, and courses in psychology, adolescent development, public health, and education. “One of the nation’s great success stories of the past two decades has been the extraordinary declines in teen pregnancy and childbearing,” says Bill Albert, chief program officer of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy. “The recent, alarming turnaround in the teen birth rate, however, is a stark reminder that our collective efforts on this front are far from over. The Gloucester 18 is a sober, engaging, and thoughtful reminder that the road ahead will not be easy. It makes clear that adolescence pregnancy is a complex problem—not an issue captured in headlines and sound bites. It paints a detailed portrait of the profound challenges of early parenthood and its generational effects.”
A former reporter for the Gloucester Daily Times, producer Grieco first broke the news of something strange going on with the Gloucester High teen pregnancy rate in March 2008, when only 10 girls were pregnant and rumors were surfacing of a clique becoming pregnant on purpose.
Spitting Game: The College Hook-Up Culture Directed by Denice Ann Evans J’Hue Film Productions, 35 Minutes and 80 minutes (www.collegehookupculture.com)
In an edgy new film, Spitting Game: The College Hook-Up Culture, writer-directorproducer Denice Ann Evans sounds the alarm on the epidemic numbers of students who are “hooking up” with multiple, random, and oftentimes, anonymous partners. The documentary covers a gamut of risky behaviors perpetuated by a culture seeped in alcohol and often shrouded in silence. Spitting Game: The College HookUp Culture challenges the “hooking up” status quo by providing students and educators with up-to-date information about the risks, reasons, and realities within the college hook up culture. A tool designed to prepare high school juniors and seniors, as well as firstyear college students, Spitting Game depicts the social climate students will encounter on college and university campuses. Director Evans, also a mother of two sons, says Spitting Game reveals critical insider information about the college hook up culture from current college students and experts in the field. Candid student interviews are juxtaposed with expert interviews, seasoned with thoughtprovoking statistics. As notable as the effort to make the film may be, it has its shortcomings, according to California State Univerity, Long Beach Women’s, Gender and Sexuality Studies professor Shira Tarrant, Ph.D., author of Men and Feminism. “The only young black man in the film is an athlete,” Tarrant notes, “reflecting a pattern of unexamined assumptions that run throughout the film. There is a scene with a young woman and her baby. She laments hooking up, implying that the baby is the consequence, or punish-
ment, for her behavior. As a professor and as a (former) teen parent, I find this judgmentapproach problematic.” Finally, Tarrant says the film “doesn’t really talk about why hooking up might be fun. This leaves a finger-wagging approach that I personally don’t favor. Talking about pleasure and problems seems more realistic and productive. Nevertheless, I applaud the filmmaker for her efforts to encourage dialogue about so-called hook-up culture. We certainly need more conversation.” Indeed, viewing the film can jump start important conversations as Spitting Game raises timely questions about gender politics, sexual violence, health education issues, and sexual ethics on college campuses today.
Asking For It: The Ethics & Erotics of Sexual Consent Directed and Edited by Sut Jhally
Featuring Prof. Harry Brod, 38 minutes Media Education Foundation, 2010 (www.mediaed.org).
The line between sexual consent and sexual coercion is not always as clear as it seems—and according to Harry Brod, this is exactly why we should approach our sexual interactions with great care. Brod, a professor of philosophy and longtime advocate in the pro-feminist men’s movement, offers a unique take on the problem of sexual assault, one that complicates the issue even as it clarifies the bottom-line principle that consent must always be explicitly granted, never simply assumed. In a nonthreatening, non-hectoring discussion that ranges from the meanings of “yes” and “no” to the indeterminacy of silence to the way alcohol affects our ethical responsibilities, Brod, author of White Men Challenging Racism: 35 Personal Stories, and A Mensch Among Men: Explorations in Jewish Masculinity, challenges young people to envision a model of sexual interaction that is most erotic precisely when it is most thoughtful and empathetic. At just under 40 minutes, the film is ideal for classes in gender studies, communication, and sociology, and especially useful for extracurricular programs and workshops. [continued on page 28] Fall 2010
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Books Domestic Violence, Abuse, and Child Custody: Legal Strategies and Policy Issues Edited By Mo Therese Hannah, Ph.D and Barry Goldstein, J.D., 704 pp. Casebound leather, $135.95 Civic Research Institute, Kingston, NJ
Understanding custody decisions that fly in the face of logic has often dumbfounded activists in situations involving domestic violence. Cases that appear to favor a clearly abusive father over the rights of a victimized mother have led many to wonder how to help right a terrible wrong. Domestic violence prevention activists now believe there is a way: Domestic Violence, Abuse, and Child Custody: Legal Strategies
and Policy Issues, a major work that is likely to become an essential reference for advocates and mothers seeking help. It seeks to distill some of the best thinking of advocacy and legal experts, persuasive social science research, successful legal strategies, and compelling personal accounts from those at the front lines working to bring justice to families victimized by abuse. Among the questions it addresses are the following: •What indicators of domestic violence and child abuse are common in contested child custody cases? •Why do some abusive men seek custody of their children? •What are the social, political, and legal factors that can result in a child’s being ordered to live with an abusive parent?
Poetry
•What does the research say about the effects on children of witnessing domestic violence? Or, of being legally separated from a protective mother? •What is the proper role of law guardians or attorneys representing minors in custody cases?
•Why have accusations of parental alienation become so common against mothers? How should attorneys for battered mothers respond? •What policies and practices can family courts put into place in order to protect children from an abusive parent? “This new book can be used to change the broken custody court system,” says Rita Smith, executive director of the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. For Amy Neustein, Ph.D., coauthor of From Madness to Mutiny: Why Mothers Are Running from the Family Courts and What Can Be Done About It, the book is expected to serve “as a beacon of light to all those who have become jaundiced by the malfunctioning family court, social services, law guardian, and mental health system.”
E. Ethelbert Miller
So This Is What the Living Do When did we begin to wear sneakers to funerals Or sport jerseys and caps
I once believed in love the way I believed in beauty The living with dignity, style and grace
When did things begin to die
I thought my shoes always needed to be polished whenever I left the house
I pass a church four blocks from the Safeway I see the last generation of old black men in suits
There is a way the day ends after you pass a funeral How you walk down the street afraid to look over your shoulder
These men are professionals They touch death everyday
They say this is what the living do
They carry the coffin and drive the hearse They arrange the flowers and offer comfort They escort you into limos and tell you where to sit They know the directions to the cemetery What do you know? I know that I am dying Dreams first or what you might call the lint of disappointment It has always been this way—this knowing The realization that I will do this alone
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E. Ethelbert Miller is a literary activist and the board chair of the Institute for Policy Studies (IPS) in Washington, D.C. He is a board member of The Writer’s Center and editor of Poet Lore magazine. Since 1974, he has been the director of the African American Resource Center at Howard University. Mr. Miller is the former chair of the Humanities Council of Washington, D.C., and a former core faculty member of the Bennington Writing Seminars at Bennington College.
An alliance of antiviolence men’s organizations around the world is speaking out against unprecedented levels of violence against women in the Congo. Among them is Tony Porter, cofounder of A CALL TO MEN, the New York-based antiviolence men’s organization. Tony (back row holding child) traveled to the Congo this past summer and is seen here with staff, activists and allies at Lizadeel, a shelter and rape crisis center.
An International Men’s Call: End Violence in the Congo!
B
etween July 30th and August 4th nearly 500 women and girls and, it is believed, some men and boys, were raped in and around the village of Luvungi in the Eastern Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) in a campaign of ongoing terror waged by armed groups who use rape as a weapon of war. To date, armed groups and soldiers from the Congolese armed forces have raped over 200,000 women. Members of the United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon’s Network of Men Leaders and members of the MenEngage Alliance and the Athena Network are leading a campaign calling on the “African Union, its regional bodies and member states to take urgent action to demonstrate their commitment to ensuring that this decade improves women’s lives and brings an end to the endemic violence faced by women and girls across the continent, especially in the Democratic Republic of Congo.” (Last year the African Union declared the decade 2010-2020 the African Women’s Decade). Campaign organizers explained that African heads of state made a declaration that 2010 to 2020 would be the decade of the African Woman. The declaration followed a decade in which African heads of state signed numerous commitments to ensure protection for women from sexual violence in situations of armed conflict and to increase women’s leadership and involvement in peace-building in conflict and post-conflict settings. These binding commitments include the 2005 Maputo Protocol, United Nations Security Council Resolution (UNSCR) 1325 on Women, Peace and Security in October 2000, and UNSCR 1820, which addresses the issue of sexual violence in conflict, in June 2008. However, these declarations, which had been met with hope and excitement, remain unfulfilled. Fall 2010
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the EAC, the ICGLR, its members states and the United Nations to do the following: ▪ Provide immediate health care and support to survivors of rape and to those affected by violence. ▪ Take swift action to arrest and prosecute those responsible for the attacks, including those involved in planning, sanctioning and colluding with the attacks. As a state actor, the DRC Military, or FARDC, must be held to the commitments made by the DRC government or face war crimes charges. ▪ Substantially increase the numbers of peacekeeping troops on the ground. ▪ Take women’s and children’s experiences and priorities into account in planning and monitoring protection measures, including confidential consultation, feedback and complaints mechanisms and adequate representation on security committees and other community protection bodies.
rainbutterfly.wordpress.com
Organizers said the UN has acknowledged that its MONUSCO forces failed in their peacekeeping mandate and did not do enough to respond to warnings issued by villagers about impending attacks. “The UN has committed itself to doing things differently. They must now act on those commitments,” the alliance said in a joint statement in September. To date, neither the government of the DRC, nor the relevant regional bodies, have issued statements condemning the violence. The African Union has been silent as has the Southern African Development community, the East African community and the International Conference on the Great Lakes Region (which last November held a meeting to address sexual violence in the Great Lakes region). “As members of the UN Secretary General’s Network of Men Leaders to the United Nations UNiTE to End Violence Against Women campaign (http://www. un.org/en/women/endviolence/network. shtml), and as members of the global MenEngage Alliance (www.menengage. org) active in more than 40 countries, and members of the Athena Network, advocating for gender equity in the global response to HIV and AIDS (http://www.athenanetwork. org/), we call on the Government of the Democratic Republic of Congo, the African Union, SADC, the EAC, the ICGLR and the United Nations to take immediate and urgent action to hold accountable the perpetrators of this violence and to take measures to prevent such violence from occurring ever again.” The alliance has called on the government of the Democratic Republic of Congo, the African Union, it’s regional bodies the SADC,
▪ Develop programs and policies, including mass media and community education campaigns that challenge the stigma faced by survivors of rape. ▪ Develop programs and policies that educate men about women’s and girls’ rights and challenge notions of manhood that contribute to rape and domestic violence.
▪ Accelerate engagement with non-state armed groups in the DRC to demand that they uphold international law and cease using rape as a weapon of war and other human rights violations against civilians.
International Men’s Organizations Challenging Violence in the Congo Members of UN Secretary General’s Network of Men Leaders: Juan Carlos Areán, Family Violence Prevention Fund, USA (www. endabuse.org) ▪ Gary Barker, Co-chair, MenEngage Alliance (www. menengage.org) and International Centre for Research on Women, USA (www.icrw.org) ▪ Ted Bunch, A CALL TO MEN, USA(www. acalltomen.org) Andrew Levack, EngenderHealth, USA (www.engenderhealth.org) ▪ Todd Minerson, White Ribbon Campaign, Canada (www.whiteribbon.ca) ▪ Dean Peacock, Co-chair, MenEngage Alliance, Sonke Gender Justice Network, South Africa (www.genderjustice.org.za) Members of the MenEngage Alliance: Sonke Gender Justice Network, South Africa (www.genderjustice.org.za) ▪ Instituto Promundo, Brazil (www.promundo.org) ▪ Olive Leaf Foundation, South Africa (www.olf.org.za) ▪ Men’s Resources International, USA (www. mensresourcesinternational. org) ▪ Rwandan Men’s Resource Centre (RWAMREC) ▪ ABATANGAMUCO Network, Burundi ▪ Men’s Association for Gender Equality (MAGE), Sierra Leone ▪ Congo Men’s Network, DRC ▪ Ecumenical Global Network of Men on Gender, Zimbabwe ▪ Life-
Line/ChildLine Namibia ▪ EngenderHealth (www.engenderhealth. org) ▪ Men For Change Network, HOPEM, Mozambique ▪ MenEngage Kenya Network (MenKen) ▪ Thohoyandou Victim Empowerment Programme, South Africa Men’s Movement Against AIDS in Kenya ▪ African Fathers Initiative, Zimbabwe Endorsing Organizations: The Athena Network ▪ Kumi Naidoo, International Executive Director, Greenpeace Co-Chair, Global Call to Action Against Poverty (GCAP); Chair; Global Coalition for Climate Action ▪ Pan African Space Station ▪ International Fellowship of Reconciliation/Women’s Peacemakers Program The Sexual Violence Research Initiative, International Health Research Unit of the South African Medical Research Council ▪ Institute for Social and Health Sciences at the University of South Africa ▪ Voice Male Magazine For further information, contact: Bafana Khumalo: MenEngage Africa Coordinator; bafana@genderjustice. org.za; 27 11 339-3589 or mobile phone: 27 82 905 7587 Gary Barker: MenEngage Co-Chair and Director Gender, Violence and Rights at the International Center for Research on Women; gbarker@icrw.org; Tel 1 202 742 1215. Fall 2010
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Resources for Changing Men Family Violence Prevention Fund Working to end violence against women globally; programs for boys, men and fathers www.endabuse.org Healthy Dating, Sexual Assault Prevention http://www.canikissyou.com International Society for Men’s Health Prevention campaigns and health initiatives promoting men’s health www.ismh.org Paul Kivel Violence prevention educator http://www.paulkivel.com A wide-ranging (but by no means exhaustive) listing of organizations engaged in profeminist men’s work. Know of an organization that should be listed here? E-mail relevant information to us at info@voicemalemagazine.org 100 Black Men of America, Inc. Chapters around the U.S. working on youth development and economic empowerment in the African American community www.100blackmen.org A Call to Men Trainings and conferences on ending violence against women www.acalltomen.org American Men’s Studies Association Advancing the critical study of men and masculinities www.mensstudies.org Boys to Men International Initation weekends and follow-up mentoring for boys 12-17 www.boystomen.org Boys to Men New England www.boystomennewengland.org Dad Man Consulting, training, speaking about fathers and father figures as a vital family resource www.thedadman.com EMERGE Counseling and education to stop domestic violence. Comprehensive batterers’ services www.emergedv.com European Men Pro-feminist Network Promoting equal opportunities between men and women www.europrofem.org
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Lake Champlain Men’s Resource Center Burlington, Vt., center with groups and services challenging men’s violence on both individual and societal levels www.lcmrc.org Males Advocating Change Worcester, Mass., center with groups and services supporting men and challenging men’s violence www.centralmassmrc.org ManKind Project New Warrior training weekends www.mkp.org MANSCENTRUM Swedish men’s centers addressing men in crisis www.manscentrum.se Masculinity Project The Masculinity Project addresses the complexities of masculinity in the African American community www.masculinityproject.com MASV—Men Against Sexual Violence Men working in the struggle to end sexual violence www.menagainstsexualviolence.org Men Against Violence UNESCO program believing education, social and natural science, culture and communication are the means toward building peace www.unesco.org/cpp/uk/projects/ wcpmenaga.htm
Men Can Stop Rape Washington, D.C.-based national advocacy and training organization mobilizing male youth to prevent violence against women. www. mencanstoprape.org MenEngage Alliance An international alliance promoting boys’ and men’s support for gender equality www.menengage.org Men for HAWC Gloucester, Mass., volunteer advocacy group of men’s voices against domestic abuse and sexual assault www.strongmendontbully.com Men’s Health Network National organization promoting men‘s health www.menshealthnetwork.org Men’s Initiative for Jane Doe, Inc. Statewide Massachusetts effort coordinating men’s anti-violence activities www.mijd.org Men’s Nonviolence Project, Texas Council on Family Violence http://www.tcfv.org/education/mnp. html Men’s Resource Center for Change Model men’s center offering support groups for all men www.mrcforchange.org Men’s Resource Center of West Michigan Consultations and Trainings in helping men develop their full humanity, create respectful and loving relationships, and caring and safe communities. www.menscenter.org Men’s Resource Center of South Texas Based on Massachusetts MRC model, support groups and services for men mrcofsouthtexas@yahoo.com Men’s Resources International Trainings and consulting on positive masculinity on the African continent www.mensresourcesinternational.org
Men Against Violence (Yahoo e-mail list) http://groups.yahoo.com/group/menagainstviolence/
Men Stopping Violence Atlanta-based organization working to end violence against women, focusing on stopping battering, and ending rape and incest www.menstoppingviolence.org
Men Against Violence Against Women (Trinidad) Caribbean island anti-violence campaign www.mavaw.com.
The Men’s Story Project Resources for creating public dialogue about masculinities through local storytelling and arts. www.mensstoryproject.org
Men’s Violence Prevention http://www.olywa.net/tdenny/ Mentors in Violence Prevention—MVP Trainings and workshops in raising awareness about men’s violence against women www.sportsinsociety.org/vpd/mvp./php Monadnock Men’s Resource Center Southern New Hampshire men’s center supporting men and challenging men’s violence mmrconline.org MVP Strategies Gender violence prevention education and training www.jacksonkatz.com National Association for Children of Domestic Violence Provides education and public awareness of the effects of domestic violence, especially on children. www. nafcodv.org National Coalition Against Domestic Violence Provides a coordinated community www.ncadv.org National Men’s Resource Center National clearinghouse of information and resources for men www.menstuff.org National Organization for Men Against Sexism Annual conference, newsletter, profeminist activities www.nomas.org Boston chapter: www.nomasboston. org One in Four An all-male sexual assault peer education group dedicated to preventing rape www.oneinfourusa.org Promundo NGO working in Brazil and other developing countries with youth and children to promote equality between men and women and the prevention of interpersonal violence www.promundo.org RAINN—Rape Abuse and Incest National Network A national anti-sexual assault organization www.rainn.org Renaissance Male Project A midwest, multicultural and multiissue men‘s organization www.renaissancemaleproject
Resources for Changing Men The Men’s Bibliography Comprehensive bibliography of writing on men, masculinities, gender, and sexualities listing 14,000 works www.mensbiblio.xyonline.net/ UNIFEM United Nations Development Fund for Women www.unifem.org VDay Global movement to end violence against women and girls, including Vmen, male activists in the movement www.newsite.vday.org Voices of Men An Educational Comedy by Ben Atherton-Zeman http://www.voicesofmen.org Walk a Mile in Her Shoes Men’s March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault & Gender Violence http:// www.walkamileinhershoes.org White Ribbon Campaign International men’s campaign decrying violence against women www.whiteribbon.ca XY Magazine www.xyonline.net Profeminist men’s web links (over 500 links) www.xyonline.net/links.shtml Profeminist men’s politics, frequently asked questions www.xyonline.net/misc/ pffaq.html Profeminist e-mail list (1997–) www.xyonline.net/misc/profem.html Homophobia and masculinities among young men www.xyonline.net/misc/ homophobia.html
Fathering Fatherhood Initiative Massachusetts Children’s Trust Fund Supporting fathers, their families and theprofessionals who work with them www.mctf.org Fathers and Daughters Alliance (FADA) Helping girls in targeted countries to return to and complete primary school fatheranddaughter.org Fathers with Divorce and Custody Concerns Looking for a lawyer? Call your state bar association lawyer referral agency. Useful websites include: www.dadsrights.org (not www.dadsrights.com)
www.directlex.com/main/law/divorce/ www.divorce.com www.divorcecentral.com www.divorcehq.com www.divorcenet.com www.divorce-resource-center.com www.divorcesupport.com Collaborative Divorce www.collaborativealternatives.com www.collaborativedivorce.com www.collaborativepractice.com www.nocourtdivorce.com The Fathers Resource Center Online resource, reference, and network for stay-at-home dads www.slowlane.com National Center for Fathering Strategies and programs for positive fathering. www.fathers.com National Fatherhood Initiative Organization to improve the well-being of children through the promotion of responsible, engaged fatherhood www.fatherhood.org
Gay Rights Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation Works to combat homophobia and discrimination in television, film, music and all media outlets www.glaad.org Human Rights Campaign Largest GLBT political group in the country. www.hrc.org Interpride Clearing-house for information on pride events worldwide www.interpride.net LGBT Health Channel Provides medically accurate information to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and allied communities. Safer sex, STDs, insemination, transgender health, cancer, and more www.lgbthealthchannel.com. National Gay and Lesbian Task Force National progressive political and advocacy group www.ngltf.org Outproud - Website for GLBT and questioning youth www.outproud.org Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays www.pflag.org
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General Support Groups: Open to any man who wants to experience a men’s group. Topics of discussion reflect the needs and interests of the participants. Groups are held in these Western Massachusetts communities: Hadley, at North Star, 135 Russell Street, 2nd Floor: Tuesday evenings (7:00 – 9:00 PM). Entrance on Route 47 opposite the Hadley Town Hall. Greenfield, at Network Chiropractic, 21 Mohawk Trail: Wednesday evenings (7:00 – 9:00 PM). Group for Men Who Have Experienced Childhood Neglect, Abuse, or Trauma: Open to men who were subjected to neglect and/or abuse growing up, this group is designed specifically to ensure a sense of safety for participants. It is a facilitated peer support group and is not a therapy group. Group meetings are held on Fridays (7:00 – 9:00 PM) at the Synthesis Center in Amherst, 274 N. Pleasant Street (just a few doors north of the former MRC building). Group for Gay, Bisexual, and Questioning Men: Specifically for men who identify as gay or bisexual, or who are questioning their sexual orientation, this group is designed to provide a safe and supportive setting to share experiences and concerns. Gay or bi-identified transgendered men are welcome! In addition to providing personal support, the group offers an opportunity for creating and strengthening local networks. Group meetings are held on Mondays (7:00 – 9:00 PM) at the Synthesis Center in Amherst, 274 N. Pleasant Street (just a few doors north of the former MRC building).